#he has my chewing drywall

[anotherferalrat]

GUYS.

I have discovered a new orv fic concept.

And I am actively foaming at the mouth.

So like- Idol!Kim Dokja right? A classic, makes sense, I wouldn't say it's anything too revolutionary. I love a good 'secretly I was an Idol' AU. But what has me feral???

All his songs were secretly about YJH (with the occasional about his companions... mainly I'm thinking he had a couple for SYS bc my poor baby). Just think of the possibilities with me for a sec:

The difference in the ways he writes about each round (999 has the best love song if what I've gathered from osmosis is correct)

Kimcom losing their goddamn minds trying to connect the image of their tired, feral leader to a bubbly teen idol

The kids determined to listen to all his music and fighting over who's the bigger stan

I just imagine there's a world where LJH was a diehard fan and so KDJ treats her like those rabid fans (bc he def has a favorite child... and she is low on the list I'm afraid)

Just in general, him having secret fans in Kimcom. YSA wasn't a huge fan but she had a couple favorite songs. HSY would rather die than admit it but she loved his music and her writing playlist was like 90% of his music. YJH was also a frequent listener though he'd claim it was due to his sister (A certified KDJ stan)

Similarly... IMAGINE KIMCOM FINDS OUT AFTER SOME KIND OF POST CANON NOVEL REVEAL I haven't finished so I don't know if there's an actual reveal Just envision YJH's eye twitching violently as the crew tries to figure out which songs are about which person/YJH round while KDJ actively tries to die in the background. Secretive Plotter and Uriel are dying... for very different reasons

I just love me a good pining loser<3

[crazymecjc]

satisfied (serenity in order.)

[spankuro]

Gaalee au: 🥰

Gaalee au were shukaku is some kinda fucked up cat with anger issues and shits in kankuros shoes: 😍😘💋💋♥️♥️♥️♥️🫰🥰

[buzzcat]

today's wordcount brought to you by: there is no way on this green earth that Gale Dekarios doesn't have a good relationship with his mother, and i'm going to write nice cozy friends-and-family fic about it

[yuehua8]

Kanae 新衣服omedetou!!!! I didn’t have time to draw anything special bc I was moving into college dorms today, but I had to sketch something :)). 他真的太美<33

[wereonourwayhome]

do you think that john had adhd?

oh hmm, good question! i will try my best to answer it!

first, a disclaimer: i'm not mentally (or professionally) equipped to go full DSM-5 on him at the moment, but here are my observations, based on A) what i know about him as a public figure, B) that degree in psychology i never finished, and C) my own experiences having ADHD/C-PTSD:

so like, vibes alone, i definitely look at him and my gut instinct is "this is not a neurotypical person!" he's got the stink (affectionate) on him, whatever that means. like gaydar but for fellow neurodivergents, yanno?

(side note: all of the beatles ping this for me, and given my own experiences with making close friends and being neurodivergent, i feel like this explains a lot about why the bugs were so tight for so long. see also: george and bob dylan 👁👁)

anyway, back to john! he definitely has some (or a lot) of the dreamy/inattentive/fidgety/impulsive/obsessive/hyperfocused energy and Mood Disregulation™ that can come with ADHD. we've seen him call himself lazy (often a big red arrow pointing toward neurodivergence), as well as struggling to do things he doesn't want to do, which points to executive dysfunction. (describing song writing as "torture" and saying he literally cannot bring himself to play with his son, even though he wants to.)

he's also self-reported serious problems with impulse control (violence, overeating, verbal abuse, risky behavior, drug abuse, etc.) that he later feels shame or regret over. he's got a lot of internalized ego-dystonic behavior that comes with ADHD!

keep in mind, though--a lot of the above can also be attributed to PTSD, C-PTSD or BPD, which are diagnoses that i would be most confident putting money on. BUT, these are often comorbid with neurodivergence, and i'm inclined to argue that neurodivergence makes someone way more predisposed to developing C-PTSD or BPD.

sooo...i dunno! i think he's someone you could easily project ADHD onto, if you were so inclined, with a fair amount of reason to back it up. writing this out has certainly made me think about it more, and it might be something i intentionally include in future characterization.

in closing, i just want to say that i don't think there's any meaningful ethical concern wrt speculating about historical figures' personal lives and playing in the space and writing meta about your blorbos. as long as you aren't doing it AT them, where they'll likely see it, or in a way that might affect their career, i don't see the issue. (and, uh, that's definitely not a problem here lmao.) basically, if you can write fic about them, then you can write meta and armchair diagnose them for funsies 🤷‍♀️

but yeah! this might be something i actually dive into at some point. i skimmed some interviews for this, and the more i read, the more i'm like "oh...yeah. hmm!"

(spoiler: i probably won't. oops.)

[rindomness]

rin i am so deeply unwell about cecil palmer.

his mother didn't talk to him except to prophesise his death or remind him he doesn't exist.

his dad made him climb into a tree and get eaten by the smiling god??

he doesn't remember his childhood.

he used to go back to his abandoned childhood home and sleep on the sofa. it's probably demolished now.

he can't go to the grocery store anymore because he's afraid of auctions. and for good reason !!

he was raised by his sister and she always resented him for it.

he describes his family history as a ghost story. his childhood was a ghost story. his life is a ghost story.

he keeps having to watch other versions of himself die.

he didn't choose to be the voice of night vale, it was chosen for him whether he liked it or not. he probably can't quit or resign, he'll probably be the voice until he dies.

leonard burton died in his arms. his interns keep dying or leaving or growing older than him and moving on with their lives while he stays where he is.

his main coping mechanism is Denial and drinking to forget

he dies in a tree every year???? interesting lifestyle choice

terrible things keep happening and he can't do anything about it except narrate !!

also a mirror is gonna kill him. how is he supposed to deal with that. can he not go to walmart?? cause they sell mirrors at walmart !! does he have to call the store before coming in like "hiiii can u pls cover your mirrors or put them away". does carlos do most of the shopping just in case? then what did he do before carlos? does he have mirrors on his car? do his friends cover their mirrors when they know he's coming over? do all reflective surfaces make him nervous? what is it like knowing that such an everyday item can kill you? does he wake up every morning and wonder if today is the day?

SORRY FOR THIS you just reminded me of 171 and that episode makes me feral

DUDE ME TOO WE CAN BE UNWELL ABOUT THIS WEIRD GUY TOGETHER

the tree thing makes me unhinged like WHAT is going ON with that. if it is the smiling god that brings up even more questions. mostly questions about the smiling god honestly!

his entire family is a wreck i really do hope that part of him and Abby talking again was them, like. talking about that a little bit because could you IMAGINE being in that position. like. what do you even do about that

him in 171 being like did your mother tell you she was an oracle before she left like WAUGH. we know that his position as the Voice was prophesied his mom was an oracle was she the one who told him? if so was that the only interaction they had that wasn't her telling him he was going to die/didn't exist or fucking hiding from him? considering his Entire familial situation it's a wonder he's as functional as he is.

the mirrors i want to scream about the mirrors ok . ok. like. YEAH does it apply to every reflective surface or just mirrors? going grocery shopping at all has to be a nightmare yeah no kidding. you know those mirrors sometimes in the drink aisle? how the fuck do you deal with that? do you just shut your eyes? do you just avoid it entirely? I know carlos doesnt do all their shopping bc cecil keeps reading off requests for him to pick stuff up from the store in texts so like How did he deal with that. do night vale stores just not have mirrors?

driving must be a nightmare too you're right i didn't even think about that before holy shit. Can he drive? How? You need to use your mirrors while you're driving. does he walk everywhere? does he have like a bike? a scooter even? i think he can drive bc of first date but like that must be So stressful. I'm just. so. so mentally ill about the mirrors. he was so fucking stressed out by eunomia's visor it made me stressed out how do you lead a functioning life that way

in conclusion thank you and i wanna chew electrical wires about this man

[deerteatime]

ough i am thinking about mask. normal amount.

[mashmouths]

i've decided this essay doesn't need to be good, i'm just going to have fun and be myself <3

[thebirdsandthebats]

Okay @s-p-r-i-n-g-t-i-m-e I’m sure you know plenty BUT I’m going to use your wonderful and hilarious comment on this as an excuse to talk about Bernard, bc I realized recently that there are plenty of ppl who haven’t read most of the comics he’s been in. So get ready for my long overdue:

UNPACKING BERNARD DOWD + HIS TRAUMA (for those who cannot keep up with comics but want to get to know him)

So to start, Tim met Bernard years ago ofc, when they were in high school. It’s established pretty quick that Bernard is an extremely Unserious guy LMAO, the first thing he does is literally circle Tim and try to feel him out socially, see what kind of guy he is. He’s the kind of guy who gets himself in trouble with his big mouth, and seems to enjoy poking at Tim and testing his patience. By the time we meet Bernard again in the recent years, he’s grown a lot, but at his core he’s still the light-hearted, fun, goofy guy with very strong opinions. Just less stand-offish, maybe

Throughout the time Tim spends at this school though, Bernard does experience some wild shit. He lost Darla (somebody he really cared about), he experienced a shooting at his school, and then Darla came back from the dead, kind of scared the hell out of him, and used him to contact Tim again. It was kind of played for laughs, but like. That’s gotta fuck you up. (Robin #140)

Obviously this is the kind of thing that maybeee has a lasting effect on you. And BECAUSE Tim Drake: Robin got cut so short and the writer had to rush to wrap up the series, we’re left to fill in a lot of gaps and draw conclusions about the years we didn’t see Bernard ourselves. But we absolutely get some insight as to his life after Tim left that school and we stopped seeing him in the comics. Spoiler alert: it was hard.

In TDR, Bernard discusses the the cult that he’d been in that Tim saved him from in Urban Legends. He says that “he’d accepted himself”, but others hadn’t. Obviously there’s the natural reading that he means his queerness (which has me chewing through drywall), but I think that he’s speaking very broadly too. Bernard is a very odd example of a civilian, because he’s always getting dragged into things much bigger than him. And even before that, he had his big ideas, his conspiracies, his loud personality. He tended to rub people the wrong way in high school. Then in issue #7 of TDR (the Bernard pov issue my most beloved, weird pacing aside) Bernard refers to this “oozy, sticky feeling” that he ALWAYS feels when Tim isn’t around. He says when he’s alone it’s harder to put one foot in front of the other. To keep GOING. To wake up every day.

I think that Bernard has always felt like an outcast. (Robin #121, he doesn’t fit into any clique). He wasn’t as okay with it as he acted. And I think he wasn’t getting any attention from his parents. (Batman: Urban Legends #5, Bernard’s parents nonchalance to the days leading up to his kidnapping)

So just like Bernard explained to Tim, that feeling got bad. and he wanted to let go. The chaos monsters, the cult, all of it was a means to an end. But then Tim agreed to see him again, and I think that sparked something in him. Because he started learning to fight. When he was tied down to that alter and Tim was saving him, I think it fully sank in to Bernard that he didn’t want to die. Reconnecting with Tim gave him hope and made him really feel something good for the first time in ages.

So now that they’re dating after the cult fiasco, we get to know this current Bernard. A less goading, maybe calmer Bernard. But he’s still himself, of course, rambling about his ideas and making bad jokes and sticking to his guns (he has NEVER been a pushover, no idea where people get that idea?). I think a lot of people complained that Bernard mellowed out too much in terms of attitude, but I think if he seems “nicer” it’s because 1) he’s grown now. It’s been a while since we last saw him, and he’s clearly changed a lot. And 2) because he’s dating Tim now. He likes him a lot, and he’s an affectionate partner. He wants to lift Tim up.

But the fact that he was pulled into a cult still remains. And as lighthearted as Bernard tries to be, that traumatic experience still happened. It said in Urban Legends #5 while Tim was searching for him that Bernard had welts on his arms and legs and had been acting different, so it’s not like he was just snatched up on a whim. He’d spent significant time there. For those who haven’t read much abt the ways cult trauma specifically can fuck you up, I recommend doing a search if you’re in a good headspace for that and want to understand him more. because it’s pretty bad.

And then! yeah. you guessed it. Bernard gets kidnapped again. Chained up next to a BOMB that’s counting down. RIGHT WHEN HE’S WORKING ON HEALING FROM ALMOST BEING SACRIFICED BY A CULT.

And surely this can’t get crazier. He’s almost died twice in the past 6 months. except, remember his parents? In TD:R #7, we really see a little more of his relationship with his parents. He doesn’t live up to their standards, and his dad specifically seems to just want to argue with him. The restaurant they’re at is attacked, and everything goes to shit, and. you know, I think these panels really speak for themselves.

And for the record, when it’s revealed that everyone is seeing their worst fears, Bernard’s parents fears are not about him.

So now Bernard has to deal with that. And we start to see that Bernard is really not as okay as he’s tried to be. He keeps a baseball bat by his door because he’s been kidnapped twice now. And just when he’d likely thought things couldn’t get worse, he heard the Chaos Monsters were back. I can’t imagine he feels safe. He lashes out for the first time since all this has happened and yells at Kate and Tim, because while they’re doing what they feel is necessary to save more people (AND I DONT BLAME THEM AT ALL), Bernard can’t talk about it.

And I will forever be sad and insist that TD:R got cancelled too soon, just before we could get into the really juicy stuff, because things had to be wrapped up pretty quick and this was the only comic Bernard was consistently appearing in. But when Tim is giving himself up to the chaos monsters, Bernard goes out and rallies anyone he knows can help. Things were rushed because there was no more time to flesh out the story the way it could have been, but I’m including these panels just because I love Bernard Audacity Dowd using a fucking flashlight and shadow puppet to call Batman. geeking out for a minute. And then leading the battalion to save Tim with a SLEDGEHAMMER. gay people rule.

So yeah! While I see the vision of how a lot of Bernard’s trauma was meant to be semi-resolved and let him come to peace after saving Tim back, we just didn’t have the time for him to heal properly. I’d give anything to get inside his brain again. UHH IF YOU READ THIS I HOPE YOU LOVE BERNARD NOW and don’t come at me if I left something out, some of my comics aren’t with me rn. Bonus TimBer for the road:

[star2fishmeg]

not the fupa tat😭😭

but what if drunk luke loves ur bikini tat so much he’s like im gonna get your initial tattooed as well in the same spot we can be matching

don't judge me i just wanna be hot girl too😭 he just makes me feral on so many levels. if i saw him on my uni campus and he wasn't a hockey player, i would be as equally feral

i'm going to combust at that thought. speechless. chewing drywall. or your birthday on his so that you both have matching numbers like for example (we'll use mine), 43 and 23 bc like BARK BARK BARK

he's stumbling through his bedroom door, dragging you with him with a dopey smile spread across his lips. the one when he's done something you're not aware of yet. he's not as drunk as he says he is. far from it, he just needed an excuse to get you alone.

"got somethin' to show you, babe." he's giggling like a little kid, guiding you to the end of his bed. you sit cautiously, wondering what on god's earth he has done now until he's shuffling his shorts down his hips, your eyes widening, more in surprise than anything else.

"lu, what are you doing?" your question falls on deaf ears as he's hiking one side of his boxers up, revealing your birthday inked on his bikini line, exactly where his number settles on yours. it's fresh, he's had it over a week and kept it quiet until now. he knows no one will see it, but he wants to be cute and have a wild story to tell the guys out of the blue.

"now we match." that stupid, stupid smirk of his. your fingers delicately trace over the number, his player number next to your pussy and your birthday next to his cock. lips softly meeting the numbers on his skin, careful not to make it sore and he's truly enamoured by the sight of your face in his crotch. you glide your hands to his hips, thumbs rubbing over his hipbones before hooking in his waistband, tugging his underwear down his thighs and peering up through your eyelashes with a sultry glint in your eye. you understand how he felt, that rush of filthy excitement, that's your number. it has meaning, he thought of you and wanted match, embed you onto him for life.

"are the others home, lu?" you mutter, taking his cock into your hand and giving him a couple of strokes. he throws his head back, adam's apple bobbing when he gulps down a groan. he makes a feeble attempt at a nod, "try 'n stay quiet for me, okay? as much as i love getting off to your little noises, they're just for my ears."

[dykealloy]

i keep going back to this moment. obviously there's the palpable devotion from zoro towards luffy which is all very insane, elicits the urge to chew through drywall etc etc. but I can't help but get caught on the way this is phrased. suggesting maybe zoro isn't the only one mihawk is talking about here. as in, I'm getting opla shuggy rant energy, i.e.

which is about as blatant and transparent as it gets in terms of the older wiser figure with a connection to shanks speaking about his own experiences (under the weak veil of this being about Luffy). but back to mihawk talking about zoro whilst also talking about himself. I'm having to extrapolate a fair bit here given my limited knowledge of his history, but here's what we do know - mihawk never belonged to a crew, was a "rival" of shanks before he "lost interest" in killing him at some point after he lost his arm ("it's always for the sake of another" - given how powerful shanks still is at this point - one of the four emperors - i'd like to think there's something more to this).

when zoro falls to his blade outside the Baratie and he tells luffy "that's a more treacherous path than even mine" after hearing his main goal is to become king of the pirates, do you think perhaps there's a chance he's projecting some old buried anxiety/fear from his youth about the thought of facing shanks, standing by his side and falling. It's giving "I am not worthy until I prove I'm the best", which if true, was followed after many years by "Now I am the best and it's hollow and empty and I regret all those days I could have had with you".

luffy gave zoro direction - a greater purpose and a family. luffy enables his aspirations, but he also provides zoro the freedom to have something more than just this obsessive structure where the only thing that matters is becoming top dog - something beyond years and years of endless relentless training fueled in part by his loyalty to kuina but also the grief of her loss. without luffy, zoro could very likely have followed mihawk's path, something @joyish-little-boy pointed out in one of @assiraphales' posts.

despite being recognised by the world at large as the greatest swordsman alive, and supposedly having achieved all there is for him to strive for, mihawk has never struck me as a man awfully satisfied with where he is.

[phantomrose96]

Astounding. Incredible. Deeply, deeply horrifying. Incredible and it will be haunting me for at least the next 72 hours minimum. 10/10 sending it to everyone I know.

Reading the first time I fully did not register how much of a literal chekov's gun the disintegrator was. Made me think way to deeply on what is required for Danny to regenerate. Does it require at least a certain amount of flesh 'intact'? Cells? Molecules? Is it that so long as there is a single atom of his being around he will slowly and horrifically rebuild himself? What would happen if he did switch back? Would he briefly feel the incomprehensible pain of every scattered atom of his being or would it go to fast for him to comprehend the pain? Is he even able to fall unconscious when his body is injured that badly or does his being keep him awake at all costs as a self preservation method?

Anyways this is deeply terrifying and will now live happily next to Nothing Remains and Under Moonlight and all the other fan fics you've written traumatizing this poor, poor dead teenager.

(I've also spent way to long thinking about what comes after the end. What do you do with your friends exposed lung and vocal cords and mouth while he slowly regenerates? It's not like they could just leave him on the golf course screaming. But where could they put him that no one would hear? The thermos? The ghost zone? Hope that Vlad has something that could help?)

10/10 fic I'm chewing drywall thank you for writing this amazing piece!

(Prometheus)

JKDSNKJDSJKNDSJKNSD THANK YOU!!!!

I fully did not register how much of a literal chekov's gun the disintegrator was.

YEAH!!! I wanted there to be something that acted as a through-line in the story. I wanted Maddie and Jack's appearance near the end to be sudden and surprising and scary but not "out of nowhere." Carrying the gun through the story served that purpose so well because like, it's gaudy enough to capture people's attention, but it's also easily dismissed as background shenanigans... until it's not.

And the Disintegrator gets to evolve with the tone shift. It's some goofy combobulation Jack uses to blast fish out of a lake at the start. And then he tinkers with it. And it becomes this thing he can shoulder and point at Danny and draw a genuine fear response from his son (even if Jack had no intention of firing. And Danny is in no real danger) And then it becomes the thing he draws on his son with every intention of firing...

The damn thing even gets to be ripped to pieces and put back together over the course of the story. Danny brushing away loose nuts and bolts of the half-deconstructed Fenton Disintegrator while his liver stitches itself back together. But that's probably nothing :)

What is required for Danny to regenerate. Does it require at least a certain amount of flesh 'intact'? Cells? Molecules? Is it that so long as there is a single atom of his being around

YEah and this is absolutely part of the horror element to me. Danny doesn't know. He doesn't know how much is enough and how far-gone is too far gone. From my word of god, it's his ghost core that the reconstruction happens around (which is not a physical thing). So it at least means every cell is not about to spawn a new Danny (sorry no Under Moonlight angst here). But Danny doesn't know. And how can you tolerate gambling your life over and over and over with a mechanism you cannot understand?

Is he even able to fall unconscious when his body is injured that badly or does his being keep him awake at all costs as a self preservation method?

Yes. There is a ghost-amount of consciousness he's clinging to, which if he loses his grip on would result in him dying. ...Unless it doesn't. :) Danny doesn't know. Danny can't know. Danny cannot risk finding out. Because if he risks it, and he's wrong, he'll die. What's really the difference between "this will kill me" and "I THINK this will kill me, and the only way I can ever know for sure is to do it"? The difference only matters if Danny's made the decision he'd rather die.

I've also spent way to long thinking about what comes after the end

Nothing good. Nothing good. And consider how absolutely traumatizing it is for Sam, Tucker, and Jazz. They find Danny like this and they can do absolutely nothing while organs of himself scream. And this has been ~7 hours since the run in with the Disintegrator. Danny has only barely regenerated, starting from absolutely Nothing. It could be another 24 hours. Another 48. Before he's done. And he's required to stay conscious the whole time. He was desperately sleep-deprived already and now he needs to remain awake through this all because if he passes out with organs missing, he's done for. (Or he might be done for, and he cannot know for certain unless he takes that monumental gamble).

So what do Sam Jazz and Tucker even do. What do you even do? You can't leave him. God no you can't leave him. But you can't move him. You can't talk to him. You can't help him. You can't leave him. Do you sit in the snow? Do you sit for 24 hours watching screaming flesh grow back together? How ungodly long must 24 hours of that be? Will it ever stop screaming?

[eilidh-eternal]

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

Ohhhhhh I have SO MANY recommendations!

@yeyinde their entire masterlist. Absolutely transformative experience reading anything and everything Lev writes. I want to be her when I grow up

@groguspicklejar Chink In the Armor! Best medieval Ghoap AU I’ve ever read!!!! Mafia!141 is so deliciously angsty and she captures it soooo perfectly! Kelsi is absolutely my go to for any and all Kyle pretty boy Garrick reads!!!

@gemmahale Gemma my beloved🖤 everything she writes is literal treasure. Priceless. Deserving of a pretty glass case and soft leather bindings. There are worlds in her head I could not dream up in 100 lifetimes, and her OC’s are sooo complex and well rounded!

@peachesofteal once again, her entire masterlist. Everything she writes is guaranteed to leave me staring at the damn wall with the loading circle spinning on my forehead, wishing I could jump through my screen and live in the worlds she writes

@luminousbeings-crudematter Folie á Deux, Donner Party, and Land Softly are some of my favorites! I still need to work my way through the rest of Lumi’s masterlist😅 but the way she writes Simon 😳 my enclosure only has so many bars, I’m going to have to replace it soon

@391780 oh god too many to count! I looooove the way Early writes dark!141 and ALL of her stories highlight and praise big soft bodies🥰 she also does comic relief INSANELY well, and I just know anytime I sit down to read her fics I’m gonna have a good laugh (get wrecked König)

@moondirti I have just read the first part of Cabin fever and I am already IN LOVE with Dee and their writing style! Cannot wait to read more when I have the chance!

@ceilidho I was not a Price girly when I started getting into CoD, but Ceil’s take on him has irreversibly altered my brain chemistry🫠 and her characterization of a darker Simon?! Canon. She’s in charge now.

@auspicioustidings OH MY GOD!!!! Mhairi just started Ae Fond Kiss and I am so, so, sooooo in love with the concept for this fic! It’s already incredibly gut wrenching and I know I’m gonna be a sobbing mess throughout this series! Truly on the edge of my seat!!!

@pfhwrittes P has such a wrinkly brain! I’m absolutely in love with their Here Be Kink and Dealing Drugs and Feelings collections! Absolutely phenomenal writing! Everything they write is so dark, decadent and rich🤤

@kaadaaan Offer Me His Hunger is such a beautifully written descent into madness and obsession, and Vi does a truly immaculate job of portraying it! I chew on drywall thinking about this DAILY!!!!

@ohbo-ohno PUPPY! SOAP! Don’t Leave Me Locked In Your Heart was the beginning of a very transformative experience for me and with every new fic Bo writes I descend further into madness😵‍💫 I cannot unsee Soap with big puppy eyes and a pouty face and I think Bo should be on the writers team for his “surprise I’m not dead but guess what? I’m Very Fucked Up™️ now” story arc in MWIV bc that was not him in that tunnel

@glossysoap The go-to for any and all Captain related thoughts! Price and 09’ Soap can captain my ship anytime as long as it’s Glossy’s version🫡 Peppers is absolutely deserving of it’s namesake🥵

@charliemwrites never misses! All of her characterizations are spot-fucking-on and she has a wonderful selection of CoD characters that span multiple genres! I’m particularly in love with Woof Woof Johnny🥴 (nasty little freak🖤) and Fields of Elation

@vanderilnde RUGBY! PLAYER! SOAP! He’s dirty and nasty and pervy and pathetic!!!! What more could you want from a man like him? And the way Orion writes him…… CHEWING ON GLASS! I love when soap is a pathetic little whore and Orion NAILED IT!!!

@the-californicationist Oooohhhhh Guile and Guilt was one of the first CoD fics I ever read and it lives in my head 24/7, even when Johnny is whispering Nasty™️ ideas in my ear. The story, the poetry, the characterizations…. IT’S LITERAL PERFECTION!!!!

[the-bi-space-ace]

top five crosshair and echo tropes GO!!

(yes this is incredibly specific lol)

YES YES YES YES I AM READY TO DO THIS

My top favorite trope at the moment is one that I started adding into my fics during The World Tumbles Down which is Crosshair finding comfort in holding Echo’s scomp. I don’t know why but it just makes me wanna chew drywall.

Crosshair latching onto Echo immediately and being the one to suggest inviting him to the batch. You couldn’t pry this from me if you tried.

Something I love using and will use again is Echo having no problem turning his back on enemies while Crosshair watches and protects him bc thAT RIGHT THERE IS GOOD. ITS VERY GOOD. COMPLETE TRUST.

I really really love the two of them calling each other mean little nicknames. An affectionate little bit of bullying, ya know?

The two of them being gossip buddies. Staying up late chatting. Having a private comm channel so they can talk shit about people.

I’m adding more bc I can’t stop: Crosshair becoming extremely protective of Echo the minute he meets him. Will throw hands for Echo. Is Echo’s biggest fan.

Echo sitting next to Crosshair when everyone else is asleep because he doesn’t want to be alone and Cross is awake so might as well sit next to to him and it becoming just a Thing They Do™️. Echo has a bad night, sits next to Crosshair. Echo can’t sleep, sits next to Crosshair. Echo feels too anxious to speak, sits next to Crosshair. Him finding comfort in the silence and constant presence of someone who has watchful eyes and is willing to listen when he’s ready.

[sopebubbles]

Nine

Master list

Synopsis: in a world where alphas, betas, and omegas live along side modern humans as second class citizens, you've fallen through the cracks of a society that wants to take everything wonderful from you. Luckily a timely encounter with the boys just might save your life.

Chapter summary: encounters with people from your past challenge your future with the pack.

Warnings: people generally being assholes, mentions of blood, car accident

WC: 8.2k

A/N: when i came home and said i wanted to write, beastie said "make it hurt" so lets blame this on her.

It's been three weeks since the pack left for the new house, leaving Yoongi and Jimin behind to fix some minor repairs on the old house and wait for you. Just this morning, Yoongi had finished patching up a hole in the drywall where Namjoon had once tripped and pushed his hand through just with his own strength. But there was still no sight or scent of you.

Yoongi had just finished making a sandwich when the front door opened and Jin walked in. 

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" Yoongi grumbled before biting into his lunch.

"I came to see you," Jin replied, almost convincingly casual.

"Why?" The younger man asked with a full mouth.

Jin sighed, he genuinely wanted to be pleasant. This wasn't the first time he had come to the house and wanted to patch things up with Yoongi, but the man wasn't making it easy with his cold behavior. Still, Jin decided it would be best to be upfront so he could have a real conversation with him. "We got an offer on the house this morning."

Yoongi paused mid bite before he continued and chewed without responding.

"I wanted to run it by you," Jin continued.

Yoongi snorted. "What does it have to do with me? It's your house, yours and Hoseok's. The one your parents bought you. I've never been anything but a guest here."

"That's not true, Yoongi. You know it's not. You're an important part of our lives. I know I was selfish, but please give me a chance to show you how sorry I am and how much I love you," Jin begged. "I'll do anything."

Yoongi turned his head away, unable to look Jin in the eyes. "The only thing I want right now isn't something you can give me," he admitted. He wished that he could think of anything other than you, but even patching things up with Jin wasn't something that he could focus on for very long.

"You still haven't seen her?" Jin asked softly. Yoongi shook his head.

"Looks like she really doesn't need me to be her alpha. Hoseok was right."

Jin took a step closer, wishing he could get close enough to comfort his packmate. He'd still think of Yoongi that way no matter what. "I'm certain Hobi didn't mean that. And she doesn't seem to know what she needs, to be honest. She'd be incredibly lucky to have you as an alpha, Yoongi." 

He couldn't respond, too choked up on his own emotions. He knew that Jin was right, because he knew he'd be the best alpha possible to you, but right now he was just a mess. 

"One of the ways my mom has used to get inside my head is telling me that you want to take the pack alpha position from me," Jin admitted. 

Yoongi looked at him with surprised eyes and lifted brows. "When have I ever made you think I wanted to do that?"

Jin shrugged. "You kinda have pack alpha energy. Even my mom noticed it the few times she met you. And ever since we met you've always argued with me. Honestly, since you came to us I've always been a little insecure about it."

Yoongi laughed quietly. "To be completely honest, when I first met you guys I thought maybe I could take the leader position from you. But as soon as I got to know you, I didn't feel like I needed to."

"What changed your mind?"

"The way that you treated Tae after the incident. You were so gentle and caring with him. You never made him feel bad for what happened or shamed him. You just took care of him. And then I knew you would take care of all of us, so that's when I remember falling for you."

Jin frowned. "I'm sorry I didn't live up to that version of myself."

"You can probably do it again," Yoongi shrugged.

"I promise, I'm really trying." A moment of silence passed between them but the air felt a little lighter. "Will you and Jimin come home, please? It won't be right for any of us until you guys are there. We all miss you both."

Yoongi nodded sadly, "I guess I can't wait for her forever."

"Hobi has been putting together a room for her," Jin told him, but it only seemed to make Yoongi's heart stink further. "You will find her, Yoon."

"How?" Yoongi breathed.

"I don't know. There's this old thing that people used to talk about, called fated mates. No one really believes in them anymore. But the idea is, some people are meant to come into your life, and I don't think you would feel like this for no reason."

If you're wondering why you haven't gone to Yoongi yet, it's because things were actually going quite well for you, at least by comparison. One company on Jimin's list stood out to you immediately. The cleaning service was owned by an omega named Ana, and you learned that she was particularly passionate about helping other omegas who escaped abusive situations like she had. She knew working gave you the ability to be independent, but that it wasn't easy to keep up. She took one look at you and knew you were exactly the kind of girl who needed her help. Jimin's name only sealed the deal, though she didn't bother to call him up. When she said someone was needed to clean at the public library, you jumped at the chance to work somewhere you already knew. 

It had been three weeks now, and everything was going well, by your standards. You were still staying at the shelter, but you'd already gotten your first paycheck and in a month or two you might be able to get yourself out of there. For the first time in several months, you felt like things might be okay.

It was almost the end of your shift when you saw them. They were standing in the aisle you were about to turn down to dust, but you pulled back as soon as their scents hit you and hid yourself behind the end of the row of shelves. Sure, those scents could belong to anyone. Everyone's scent was unique, but lots of people shared general scents. You were hardly the only apple scented omega in the world. But the combination of chestnut and pine was too familiar. It had layered the pack's house and mingled in a uniquely homey way. You were certain that it was Seokjin and one of his other alphas. You'd never gotten his name. You'd never even spoken to him or looked at him directly. For good reason, too. He was absolutely massive, standing at least a foot over you. One look at his hands and you knew that he could kill you if you upset him. Seokjin was tall and broad as well, and Taehyung was not much smaller at all, but for some reason it was the unnamed one that terrified you most. The two of them together were downright terrifying, and your brain did a good job of reminding you of that every time your inner voice started longing for Yoongi or Jimin or Hoseok.

You decided to turn back the way you came before they could smell you, too. You could hide in your custodian's closet for the next twenty minutes of your shift. It was Saturday and the library would be closed tomorrow. A little dust could wait until Monday morning.

You emerged from the closet at the end of your shift, having changed out of your cleaning uniform and into jeans and Yoongi's hoodie. It didn't smell like him anymore, but you were reminded of his scent every time you used the citrus scented cleaner for the floors. It was a mockery of his natural smell, but it brought him to mind nonetheless. Few scents have been imprinted into your brain as deeply as that one. There was a card in the front pocket of the hoodie, just a small rectangle with a name and contact information printed on it and Jimin's neat, careful numbers written on the back. The cardstock had lost its stiffness after the hours you've spent clutching it, the corners were tearing from all the worrying of your fingernails, like they were doing now.

Go catch them, she whispered in your head as you watched two tall, broad sets of shoulders walk through the doors of the library.

You know what Seokjin will do to you. 

You don't know. Yoongi wouldn't let him.

Round and round they went again, never giving you a moment's peace. 

Please call Jimin.

You walked toward the information desk where Maria sat at her computer, next to the phone.

"All done for today, Y/N?" Maria asked with a pleasant smile. You nodded.

"Can I use your phone to make a call? Mine was stolen. It's local."

"Yeah, of course. Just dial nine to call out," she said as she turned the telephone toward you.

This is a bad idea.

You picked up the receiver and pulled out the card from your pocket. You dialed nine, then five, and then you froze. A scent filled your nose, one that you hadn't smelled in many years. One you thought you'd never smell again. It was spearmint stronger than any gum or mouthwash. His scent was always so potent, you were amazed your sap parents couldn't smell it. How could they have thought he was one of them? You turned to look for him, but he saw you first.

"Y/N?"

"Eli?" You asked, astonished. You couldn't have expected to see him in this city. 

"What are you doing here?" He wondered, stepping close to you. For a moment you thought he might try to hug you, but you were never like that with your adopted brother. You hadn't seen him since you were thrown out of your parents house, and you always figured it was best that way. 

The years between his presentation and yours had been tense. You could smell him as soon as his scent started to develop. It was the first sign you had that you wouldn't turn out sap like they said you might—truthfully, your average sapiens don't understand the genetics of cross-breeding that well. And of course he was terrified of you giving away his secret, no matter how vehemently you vowed that you wouldn't. You only ever hoped you could be as lucky as him. To be a beta and to go undetected for as long as possible. But it didn't work out like that for you, and all these years you might have resented him a bit for that. 

"I work here," you confessed, looking around as people went about their business in the library. Maria looked to be paying you no mind. "I just finished. What brings you here?" 

"Just returning some books. Are you free?"

You finally placed the receiver back in its cradle and removed your hand. "Yeah, what did you have in mind?"

"Are you hungry?" Eli asked. You were and you weren't. On the one hand you hadn't eaten yet that day, but on the other, your stomach was twisted in its usual knots. You nodded anyway.

Eli took you to a diner close by and promised he was paying so you could order anything you wanted. You ordered a cheese burger to try to pack in as many calories as you could in one meal. 

"Do you still talk to them?" You asked quietly after you'd run out of small talk. Eli held your gaze for a moment before he answered.

"Sometimes," he admitted. "It's not like they were ever big talkers. But they know I'm here and about my job, my fiance."

"Fiance?"

"Yeah. We're planning to get married next year." You nodded thoughtfully. "She's sap, and she doesn't know about me," he admitted, unprovoked. You looked him deeply in the eyes before you spoke. You couldn't help feeling jealous of what that must be like, to be able to deny yourself so easily.

"How is that going?" 

"Pretty well. It's not a problem," he said, but it didn't seem to ring true on his face.

"What about you? You work at the library?"

"I clean there. I just started this month." You shifted uneasily in your chair, a little because you were uncomfortably full but also because he had been talking about himself most of the time and how he was turning the attention on you, and that never felt like a good thing.

"Oh, nice. Your pack lets you work?" 

His question caught you off guard because for one thing, you were surprised that he assumed you had a pack. For someone who was denying who they were to their most intimate partner, he sure did jump to the conclusion that you wouldn't be. But you didn't appreciate the fact that he thought you needed permission to work. For some reason you couldn't really understand, you said, "yeah."

"That's interesting. You don't meet a lot of omegas out there working in public. Seems like most alphas like to keep them locked up at home."

You wanted to tell him he had no idea what he was talking about. As far as you could tell, Eli has less experience with Lykos culture than you did. What did he know about alpha and omega dynamics? But you didn't bother. "Well, my alpha isn't like that."

Eli brushed off his hands as he finished his fries. "That's good. Let me take you home. I'd like to meet them."

You didn't know the address of the pack's house, but you remembered how to get there from the library, and you were able to direct him there without much trouble. 

"It's that blue one up there," you told him when he turned onto the right street.

"This one?" Eli asked with a raised eyebrow, seeing what you did at the same time: a for sale sign with a triumphant red 'SOLD' sign sitting atop it. You swallowed thickly and felt your eyes begin to burn.

See, all these weeks of torturing yourself with indecision, and they didn't want you anyway. You never listen to me.

You could feel Eli's eyes on you, waiting for an explanation, so you cleared your throat. "I don't actually live here. I stayed here for a little bit, with a pack, but I guess they've moved on."

"Your pack left you?" He asked incredulously.

You shook your head, "they aren't actually my pack. They just took care of me for a few days when I was sick. It was a while ago. I just didn't want to tell you where I'm really staying, so I lied."

"What were you gonna do if they were here and I asked to meet them?" Eli smirked and you shrugged.

"Hope they'd play along until you left."

"And then what?"

And then ask if I could stay.

Idiot.

"I don't know," you admitted. You had no idea what you were going to do if you saw them. You didn't know what you would have said if you'd called Jimin and he'd answered earlier.

"You still haven't learned to think ahead, have you, Y/N?" Eli sighs and puts the car back in drive. "So, where are you staying?" 

You sit up straighter in your seat and reach for the door. "It's fine. You can leave me here. I've wasted enough of your time tonight."

"Don't worry about it. Just tell me where to go."

You directed Eli downtown to the shelter, only for him to have the reaction you had feared. You moved quickly to get out of his car but his hand on your arm stopped you.

"Y/N, why are you staying here?" His voice was filled with shock.

"I'm just going through a little rough patch. I'll be back on my feet soon. I have a job. I just need time," you rushed out all your defenses.

"Do you need money?" 

"No! God, I don't want your money."

"Y/N, you can't stay here. I've heard awful things about this place."

"Well, it's better than the street, or some predator."

"You can do better than this."

"I'm trying, okay! You think I like this? I don't. But what's it to you anyway! We meet randomly after five years and you're suddenly an over protective big brother? Do you think my life has been easy?" You've started to shake and you knew you were getting hysterical, but you didn't need his opinion on things he would never understand.

"Y/N, I know things haven't been easy for you. Let me help," he offered softly.

"How can you possibly help me?" You sat in the passenger seat with your arms crossed, looking every bit his teenage sister.

Eli swallowed before he spoke. "Come stay at my place for a bit."

"At your place?" He nodded. "What about your fiance? Doesn't she hate Lykos?"

"I never said she hated them."

"Us."

"Us. She just had some bad experiences with some alphas when she was younger. She doesn't really like to be around our kind," he explained, as if that made it better.

"Doesn't it make you feel crazy to have to pretend all the time?"

Eli shrugged. "I'm used to it…with our parents. They still don't know about me. It's not that hard, really. You can pretend for a little bit. You can get heat suppressants or whatever."

You know he's right.

You leaned your head back against the headrest and closed your eyes.

I don't want to pretend anymore.

What's so great about being the real you?

I'm gonna call–

If you were going to call him you would have by now and besides, they literally gave you a sign. It was all a lie. Just go with Eli. 

You sighed. "I have some stuff inside. If I leave it, they'll throw it out."

"I'll wait," Eli said and let you get out of the car. 

Yoongi and Jimin arrived at the new house just as Hoseok was finishing dinner preparations. Taehyung had set the table for seven, and for the first time in weeks it felt complete. No one would hold it against Yoongi for needing space, or for doing what he needed to do in hopes of bringing you into their pack, but that didn't mean they hadn't missed him and Jimin like crazy.

And it wasn't as though they hadn't seen each other at all. Taehyung had driven Hoseok back to the old house on many occasions, to bring his boys food or to take their laundry, no matter how many times Yoongi insisted they could go to the laundromat. He couldn't bear the thought of it. Jungkook stopped by after work anytime he didn't have a night shift. Namjoon and Jin had come over a few evenings when Yoongi was working so that Jimin wouldn't feel lonely.

It was strange for Jimin to spend time alone. He'd spent most of his adolescence surrounded by others and then the last four years in a pack house where someone was always home. In fact, the point in his life when he was the most alone was right before he met Yoongi and the others, and moving in with them had been a huge relief. Jimin hadn't been exactly lonely during those weeks when it was just him and Yoongi, but the quiet was hard to get used to, and the noise that surrounded their return was welcomed and familiar.

No one was going to admit it, because they were too happy to be back together again, but the time apart hadn't been the worst thing in the world. It had given them space to work on bonds that they had not paid as much attention to as maybe they should have. Seokjin and Namjoon had gone on several dates, just the two of them, the pack leader letting his mate take him to every museum in town and casual trips to the library. Jin hadn't even realized how much he was neglecting the second alpha in his pack, nor how much he had truly missed quality time with him. As soon as the realization hit him, he made a heartfelt apology to Namjoon for focusing too much attention on Hoseok and their plans. Of course, Namjoon forgave him easily. He always would.

Namjoon couldn't really put it into words, but his alpha status had never sat quite right with him until he met Seokjin. Sure, he was large and strong and everything an alpha should be on the outside, but he'd never felt the stereotypical aggression or need for control that alphas were known for. This had always felt like a character flaw in himself until he met Jin, who simultaneously had shown him that being an alpha didn't mean he had to be an asshole, and who was also willing to take on the burden of control that Namjoon rejected. When he met Jin, he could just be himself, and for that he would always love him above all others.

Hoseok, too, had used his time wisely in getting more in touch with the feelings of his younger packmates. The fact that he hadn't realized how insecure Taehyung had been feeling and how often Jungkook had been sleeping outside of the nest ate at him constantly. Although he and Tae had been companions at home for years now, Hoseok made a concerted effort to spend more quality time with him, to ask him his opinions on every detail of the new house, not only so he would feel included and welcome or because of his artistic eye but because of the boxy grin Tae gave him every time gave him immeasurable happiness.

Jungkook got the lion's share of Hoseok's attention whenever he got home from work, whether it was 5 pm or 5 am. It always involved lots of touching and scent marking, although if Jungkook came home smelling like lavender and oranges, Hoseok spent considerable more focus on getting those smells onto his own body. If he had a hard time getting Jungkook to smile and laugh once he was in the nest, Hoseok would gently coax him into talking so he could comfort the beta. 

On the whole, everyone in the new house was feeling much better than they had a month or even months ago, except for the fact that two integral parts of their lives were missing. It didn't feel the same as it did before they met Yoongi and Jimin. They had been irreversibly changed. And those two hadn't quite seemed to benefit as much from the separation as the rest.

Jimin squealed and giggled as Jungkook lifted him off the ground and spun him around. "Put me down, Kookie!"

"Never," the other beta mumbled into his shoulder. "I missed you too much."

"I saw you two days ago," Jimin reminded him.

"That's two days too long."

Yoongi couldn't help smiling at the betas as they greeted each other. It warmed his heart to see how little changed between them as Jungkook began to scent mark Jimin until he smelled like something fresh out of the dryer.

"I'm glad you're back," Hoseok said as he cupped Yoongi's smiling cheek in his hand. His heart ached when he watched the man's smile diminish.

"Yeah, I missed you guys," Yoongi admitted, but somehow the omega could tell that longing for his pack wasn't the dominant feeling in his heart at that moment.

"Let's eat dinner, and then I'll show you around the rest of the house," Hoseok encouraged and Yoongi nodded, setting down his bag before going to the table.

"You made kimchi-jjigae?" Jimin asked before taking a seat.

"I wanted to do something special, so I made your favorite to welcome you home," hoseok shrugged.

Jimin walked over and put his arms around the omega in a tight hug. "I love you, hyung."

"I love you, too, Jiminie," he smiled into the man's soft hair. Yoongi watched with a smile of his own. Nothing was as nice as watching Jimin get doted on the way he deserved, and he felt a pang of guilt for having kept the man to himself for so long. Yoongi had heaped tons of love and attention on him during their time alone, but Jimin always deserved more. He was sure he'd feel the same way about you if– Yoongi cut off his own thoughts. He wasn't going to go there anymore. He needed to give up for the sake of his pack, and he knew it. It wouldn't be easy, but he had to. He couldn't let himself believe in anything as fickle as fate to bring you to him.

After they'd all eaten until they were stuffed, Hoseok led Yoongi upstairs by the hand. 

"That's the master bedroom," he pointed out as they passed it by. "This is the room we hope will be the nursery," he said walking by the middle room on the second floor. Yoongi gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "And this room is for your little pup."

Yoongi swallowed thickly as he walked into the room. The walls had been painted a serene shade of sea foam green and the mattress was fitted with cream colored bedding.

"I didn't think she was a pink kind of girl. Or at least I wasn't sure, so Taehyung suggested this color might be soothing for her. What do you think?"

 "You guys worked so hard on this." Yoongi ran his fingers down the gauzy cream curtains. "It's great, Hobi, but," Yoongi sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed. "She's not coming."

Hoseok frowned and settled himself atop Yoongi's lap. The alpha wrapped his arms around his waist naturally to hold him in place as he had so many times. "She hasn't come yet. But that doesn't mean she won't. I know you're feeling hopeless, but you need to have a little faith."

Yoongi looked up at him with weary eyes. "How can you be so positive about it?"

"I might be a tad bit more objective about it than you are," Hoseok smiled as he leaned into him. 

"Every minute feels like an eternity," Yoongi whispered.

"I really think she might be your fated mate," Hoseok giggled.

"Do you actually believe in that stuff?"

The omega shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think I've ever met any, but as you know, I don't get out much. I only know stories. Do you have a better explanation for it?"

Yoongi thought quietly for a moment, opening and closing his mouth as he searched for the right words, but he thought maybe they didn't exist. "All I know is it feels wrong to know that she's out there…in the world…and I'm not there to protect her."

Hoseok gently knocked their heads together. "Sounds like fated mates to me." Yoongi rolled his eyes playfully. "Don't give up yet, Yoon. Jimin and Jungkook found her by chance, but that doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be. When the time comes, you'll be in the right place at the right time, too."

"I hate the feeling that I won't be there before something terrible happens."

Hoseok clicked his tongue at the man. "You're so paranoid. Lighten up. She's coming! And when she does, this room will be her home. Won't that be nice?"

Yoongi smiled, giving into Hobi's relentless optimism. "It will be perfect."

Eli drove you to a stylish looking apartment building on the other side of town. It was obvious the moment he took you inside the apartment that he hadn't used the time while you were gathering your things to warn his fiance that you were coming. A tall blonde came quickly toward the door wearing an expression you couldn't quite define but leaned towards angry.

"Babe, where were you? I just got home and you weren't here. What's going on?" She asked as her eyes fell on you and even you could feel yourself shrink under her sharp eyes.

Eli leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I'm sorry, baby. I should have called. But I ran into my sister. You remember, I told you about Y/N." 

"Not really," she admitted with a tight smile as your brother stepped aside and she got a good look at you. "I thought she ran away," she whispered.

"Yeah, ran away, not died," he whispered back. You weren't sure if they knew you could hear them or they didn't care but you felt smaller and smaller by the second. "She lives in the city now, and she needs a place to stay," he said loud enough for you to hear, although she clearly wished he wouldn't.

"Can I talk to you for a minute, Eli?" She asked with the same tight smile, and it occurred to you that you didn't know her name. Had you forgotten it, or had he simply not mentioned it to you before at the restaurant?

"We'll be right back, Y/N," Eli nodded.

Whatever room they moved to was not far enough away or sound proof enough to keep their conversation from your ears.

"What the hell? You can't bring random girls to our home, Eli!"

"She's not some random girl. She's my sister. She has a difficult situation right now, am I not supposed to help her?"

"Doesn't that seem a little convenient to you? That your long lost sister suddenly finds you when she's fallen on hard times?"

"What are you even insinuating? I'm the one that ran into her at her work."

"I just think it's fishy. And you never talk about her. I think you've mentioned her twice the whole time we've been together, so what's with the big brother act?"

"I just feel bad, okay? Our parents weren't easy on her. I just want to help her out for once."

A long pause settled between them.

"Please. Just a couple weeks, three tops, until I can find her a place to live."

"Did she ask you for money?"

"No. She didn't even ask if she could stay here. But her other situation wasn't safe."

"Jesus. Are you sure she's even your sister? Hasn't it been like ten years? She still looks like a teenager."

"She's just small. It's her, trust me. Everything will be fine."

"Fine. But three weeks and not a day more, Eli."

You turned toward the door to leave. You didn't want to be an inconvenience, much less cause strife in their relationship. He'd already lied to her about you enough, saying that you ran away instead of telling her how and why you were thrown out of your home. Every moment you spent there would only heap more lies up between them. You didn't know what he was thinking of bringing you here, but he was misguided.

"Y/N," he spoke just as you reached for the door knob. "Everything is fine. Come, I'll show you the guest room."

There was always something that made your skin itch about a 'guest room.' Maybe it was just that you never needed it spelled out for you that you held a place of impermanence no matter where you went. You didn't belong. You wouldn't be staying long. These were things you knew without needing them codified in words. 

"There are fresh sheets in this closet," she told you, making a reappearance with a somewhat more believable smile on her face. "I would have made it up for you if I had some warning."

"That's fine. I can make it myself," you assured her quietly. "I'm sorry, I forgot your name."

She sighed quietly. "I'm Kate. There are extra blankets in there as well in case you get cold."

"Thanks, Kate," you murmured before she turned to leave.

"Get some rest, Y/N. We'll talk in the morning," Eli said before he closed the bedroom door and you were alone.

The following day, Kate seemed to find reasons to be out of the house all day. You did your best to have as little contact with Eli as possible. I'm spite of his recent charity in bringing you here, you had never really been that close. The years between you and the resentment you felt were high barriers. Besides, you'd become too suspicious of kindness in your life to truly trust him. 

During the week, you returned to work, and even though he offered to drive you and pick you up, you insisted on taking the bus across town, if for no other reason than that it extended the time you were out of their home. When you were there, you cooked and cleaned. It was the only way you knew how to do penance for your ever inconvenient existence, the only payment of a perpetually uninvited guest. And when she realized how quiet and clean you were, Kate did thaw toward you, if only slightly. 

The main benefit of staying at their apartment was the opportunity to get quality sleep. It was quiet, and you were spared the frequent interruptions that occured in the shelter, as well as the constant anxiety of being around so many strangers and strong smells. Among the many practices that made the True Life Ministry different from other shelters was that they didn't separate you by secondary gender, only by male and female, so the threat of alphas was ever present. Although behavior was strictly monitored, you never felt entirely safe.

There was one thought that continued to itch in your brain as you laid on the bed and tried to sleep. It was still pretty early in the evening, but you'd had a pretty rotten day. One of the Lykos who frequently passed her days in the library had decided to make you an object of interest today, whiling away the afternoon throwing trash at you every time you came near where she sat in the computer lab while you emptied the bins or cleaned a table. Eventually, one of the librarians asked the alpha to leave, but it had already soured your mood. You cooked and ate dinner silently before turning in early, and even Kate was a little concerned by the way you kept your head hung low and didn't look at either of them even once. 

Now, the only comfort you could think of was sitting in the closet mere feet from your bed.

The blue and white striped blanket is so soft. At least start there.

You know you're not supposed to do that.

Hoseok said it was good for me and it was so nice when he did it.

You aren't Hoseok. You're barely even a fucking omega. You know it never leads to good things for you.

Please. Just a little nest. I need it. Just for a little while. Please.

You sat up in bed and stared at the closet door. There were several very soft blankets in there going unused. Kate did say you could use them.

She said if you got cold. You're not cold. You're fine.

"What's it going to hurt?" You whispered to yourself.

Do you really have to ask? Remember the first time? 

You pulled back the quilt laying on top of you and scooted off the edge of the bed. Creeping to the door, you opened it slowly.

You don't even know how to build a fucking nest. Don't even try.

It's not that hard. Start with the white one.

Eli told you to pretend. What if they find you acting like an animal?

For once you ignored the harsh whispers in your head and followed the smaller voice's instructions. You laid the soft white blanket out as a base, then bunched up two knitted blankets to make a perimeter. You didn't need a very big nest. You were so small. Finally you fluffed the striped throw blanket across the top before climbing into the nest. For once, all your voices quieted as you wiggled your body around, finding the perfect spot for you that made you feel warm and fuzzy and protected. All the world fell away as you nuzzled your face against the fluffy white blanket beneath you. You might have been falling asleep, or maybe just falling within yourself to a quiet, soft place you can only really remember going to when you were in Hoseok's nest last month. You'd never managed to get there with your former pack, where they mocked you for your pathetic attempts at a nest until you gave up altogether. 

Kate, despite her previous coldness toward you, could tell there was something wrong with you. She could tell you were still awake by the soft, albeit strange noises coming from the guest room, and decided to check on you to see if there was anything you needed. When you didn't answer her knocks, she decided to open the door anyway. It was her home after all, right? When she turned on the light, she didn't expect to see you lift your head from a pile of blankets, hair a static mess and pupils blown wide. You whimpered at the bright light.

"What are you doing?" She asked, her tone a mixture of shock and suspicion. "What's going on? Eli?" She called loudly.

You stared at her in confusion until he came to the doorway. "What?"

Kate pointed a finger at you. "What the hell is she doing?"

Eli cursed under her breath as he walked toward you on the bed. He took your face in his hands. "Wake up, Y/N. Snap out of it!" He muttered. 

"Is she…is she one of them?" She asked, pitched raised. You whimpered again.

"Damn it, Y/N," Eli groaned. "I didn't know."

"What do you mean? Are you one of them too?"

"No. No! She's adopted. You know that. My parents thought that's why she ran away, but I didn't know for sure," Eli lied.

"Fuck, Eli. You know how I feel about those...things," Kate cringed.

"Baby, please. I'm sure she's harmless." Eli approached her with open palms, but she only backed out of the room. 

"Get her the fuck out of my house. Right now!" She shouted. 

Eli looked between the two of you anxiously. He stepped closer to you once again and felt his heart clench at the desperately scared look in your wide, vulnerable eyes. "I'm sorry, Y/N, but you have to go."

You whined and pressed yourself closer to the blankets, as if they would protect you. Eli sighed. You weren't difficult to pick up and pluck out of your nest. You'd lost whole pounds since your last heat.

"I'm sorry Yn," he muttered as he carried you down the hallway toward the door.

"Make sure she's out of the building," Kate grumbled as he went by her holding the door open.

Eli nodded and carried you into the elevator before he set you on unsteady feet. "You couldn't fucking hold it together could you?"

Your brain was scrambling to come back online, but you didn't have words yet. Fucking stupid omega brain.

"I swear to God if you ruined this for me," he muttered. You wished you could tell him what I fucking fake he was, but your tongue was glued to the top of your mouth. The elevator reached the lobby and Eli walked you outside. "Sorry, Y/N," he told you once more before he turned to go back inside. "Have a nice life."

The night air was chilly with that feeling it might rain at any second. You thanked yourself for wearing Yoongi's hoodie to bed and turned to walk in an unknown direction.

We fucking told you so. You never fucking listen.

Yoongi wasn't the only one who spent his nights on duty feeling like the next call was going to be the one he dreaded most. Rainy nights always filled Jungkook with a specific kind of dread. It was the kind of night that led to avoidable accidents, which is what he thought had happened when he and his partner stopped their patrol car behind a parked car in the middle of a narrow one way street. The short whoop of the police cruiser when they came to a stop got the attention of the driver of the car, who turned and quickly began shouting at Jungkook as soon as he opened the passenger side door.

"It wasn't my fault, officer! She pushed him in front of my car! There wasn't anything I could do!" The woman screamed hysterically.

"Calm down, ma'am," Jungkook's partner, Xavier, said cautiously before he leaned into his walkie talkie and requested back up. 

Meanwhile Jungkook walked around the passenger side of his vehicle and sniffed the air. The falling rain made it harder to smell the scents around him, but he managed to pick up a few things. The sour fear coming from the Sap woman, smoky sage, and blood. When he reached the front of the car, he could tell those last two scents came from the alpha lying unconscious in the road, blood flowing from his head to mix with the engine oil and rain water on the sleek blacktop. He knelt down when he got closer and spoke into his own radio to call for an ambulance. And then he smelled it. The apple cider vinegar that telegraphed your fear. 

No matter what Jin and Hoseok said, Yoongi wouldn't attribute the foreboding and acute anxiety he felt tonight to the possibility of fated mates. He felt nervous every night he sat in the ambulance waiting for the next call, hoping it wouldn't be your body that was injured. Tonight was rainy and dark and that always meant car accidents. Yoongi was just anticipating what anyone in his line of work would do on a night like tonight.  

"Do you think it will be her this time?" His coworker asked with casual cruelty as Yoongi drove to the scene of an accident. 

"Shut up," he muttered in reply.

"Don't be so sensitive. I thought alphas like you would be able to take a joke," the Sap teased.

"It's not a fucking joke." Yoongi barely held back a growl.

"Relax. You're not the first EMT to spend the night driving around looking for someone they love in every scene. We all go through it at some point. It's never them.*

But that was where he was wrong.

Yoongi freely admitted that he'd been a paranoid mess the last month, scanning every face at every site for you. But he had never imagined your smell, so he knew he wasn't imagining it now. It filled his senses the moment he opened the door of the ambulance. He could smell the blood, too, but he honed in on your scent only. He could focus on nothing else.

You were sitting on the curb between the bumpers of two parked cars with your head between your knees, but Yoongi didn't need to see your face to know it was you. Only you could be so small and fragile, even under the shock blanket Jungkook had the good sense to put over you. He wanted to scoop you up and get you out of the rain. The fact that Jungkook was standing protectively in front of you lessened his panic by a fraction.

"Is she hurt?" Yoongi asked, kneeling in front of you. "Y/N, are you okay?" 

You didn't respond, simply continued to rock back and forth with your hands clasped over your head. 

"She's not injured. She's just in shock. She hasn't said much," Jungkook told him.

Yoongi reached forward to touch your chin. "Look at me, princess. Let me see if you're okay."

When you lifted your eyes to his, you looked as terrified as you smelled. "Alpha? Is he dead?" You asked painfully.

"Yoongi, over here!" His partner called from the road. The alpha didn't take his eyes off you. How could he leave you like this? "Yoongi!"

"Go on, hyung. Do your job. I'll take care of her. I won't let her out of my sight. I promise."

Yoongi's eyes remained locked on yours for a moment longer. You had asked him only one thing, and if getting you reassurance was all he could do then that's what he would do. "I'll go check on him. Everything will be okay, princess. Wait here." He tried his best to sound reassuring as he stroked your wet hair and you leaned into his touch before he tore himself away to go help the alpha bleeding out on the asphalt. 

His sage scent faded as life drained from him, but the other EMT was applying pressure to his head wound, so he wasn't gone yet. Yoongi went into autopilot to help his partner stabilize the patient, but he was desperate to know what had happened and how you had been involved. Should he even be saving this man? Who was he to you? 

They managed to get the man onto the stretcher and into the ambulance while he still clung to life without Yoongi having much idea at all of what he was doing. He stayed in the back with the patient while his partner drove, otherwise Yoongi would never be able to make himself leave without you.

"Y/N, I'm taking you to the police station," Jungkook told you after the ambulance had left and another police officer had taken the driver of the car away. 

Without any other acknowledgement, you stood, letting the shock blanket fall from your shoulders as you turned your back on Jungkook and placed your hands behind your back.

Jungkook frowned, "you're not under arrest, Y/N. I'm just taking you to the station to give a statement and wait for someone to come get you."

You turned to look at him confusedly. "No one will come for me."

Jungkook smiled sadly. "Yoongi will come. Let's go."

At the station, Jungkook sat you next to his desk in the bullpen and went to go get you a warm drink. He placed a paper cup of hot tea in your hands, which you took without looking at it or him, but just stared blankly ahead.

"Y/N, can you tell me what happened before the accident?" Jungkook asked, fingers poised over his keyboard.

"Eli threw me out."

"What?"

"Was walking. Was raining but…nowhere to go." You took a sip of the too hot tea to ease the dryness of your throat. "Smelled him first. Hate that smell. So I walked faster, but he's bigger, faster. He caught me. Grabbed my arm."

"Did he hurt your arm?" Jungkook asked. You honestly didn't know. You felt numb all over, just like you had since you'd smelled the burning sage earlier. Setting down the small cup, you pulled up the sleeve of Yoongi's hoodie to reveal the bruises that were blossoming along your forearm. "Shit," Jungkook muttered. "We'll take pictures in a minute. What happened next?" 

"We argued."

"About what?"

"Wanted me to come with him. Didn't want to."

Jungkook studied your face cautiously. "Why did he want you to come with him?" 

You shrugged. "Same as always. Wanted to breed me."

"Is that Eli?" He questioned.

You shook your head. "Eli is my brother."

Jungkook nodded. "But you know that man."

You nodded dumbly. "My alpha."

Jungkook felt his stomach turn over and over. Knowing what little he did about your experience with your past alpha, your barely-there behavior made more sense.

"What happened when you argued?"

You swallowed. "I tried to get away, to get him off. He wouldn't let go, so I–I pushed him and he slipped. He fell into the street and then the car was there."

"Did you see the car before you pushed him?" Maybe Jungkook shouldn't have asked. He wasn't formally interrogating you. Something in him just wanted to know.

You shook your head. "Its lights weren't on. Dark and wet. Couldn't see behind him."

Jungkook swallowed thickly and turned his attention to his screen to finish entering the information you had given him.

"Did I kill him?" You asked blankly, making Jungkook pause to look at you.

"He was still alive when they left the scene. Even if anyone is at fault, we would first look at the driver of the car. You aren't in any trouble right now, Y/N." You nodded in understanding. "For now, it's probably best if you stay quiet."

You were sure time passed, although you didn't feel it. Jungkook went and came back, took photos of the bruises on your arm and brought you a fresh drink. The world continued to turn because it had never stopped for any of your crises, big or small, why would it now? It might have been hours or minutes. You couldn't tell. Everything around you was blocked out until you felt a cold breeze sweep through the station carrying a sharp citrus scent.

Alpha.

Without any thought, you found yourself on your feet. As if acting on their own, they shuffled past the rows of desks. There was a wall and gate separating the back part of the station from the public entry, but you pushed past them until you could see Yoongi. His black hair dripped rainwater onto his cheeks, and he pushed the wet strands back. You couldn't hear what he was asking the officer at the desk, but the words went silent when he turned toward you. Without an invitation you found yourself pressed against his chest, your arms wrapping around his waist.

It took him half a second to respond, encircling you in his own strong arms and holding you to him. "It's alright," he whispered.

You nuzzled your forehead against his chest and murmured back, "Alpha."

I hope the end of this roller coaster made up for the journey. I promise it's going to get better now. Thank you for sticking it out. Please tell me what you've liked in this chapter or any time up until now, and what you're looking forward to or hoping for going forward. Here's a Yoongi, you've earned it.

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