#he is driven by duty and morality and?

[nightspires]

DIMITRI BELIKOV WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU—

[bumblingbabooshka]

[Tuvok & Janeway: Control, Distance, Duty & Connection.] Sources: St Voyager Transcripts / Mitski 'First Love Late Spring' / Disco Elysium

[libingan]

— temptations.

warnings: non-penetrative say gex, internalized homophobia, religious guilt and stuff, angst

a/n: im suck ASS at writing angst, but ive had this thought in my head for DAYS now so i decided to finally write it!!! thinking of adding a part two, but that depends on how many of yall will eat this shit up LMAO

pls forgive me if its bad im dogshit and writing but like non of my irls are interested in this shit HAHSWHSA i mean, we play call of duty mobile, but thats it, they dont care much abr the lore

commander phillip graves was a man of iron discipline and unyielding principles. he thrived on control, finding solace in the regimented life of the military. his stern demeanor and sharp gaze commanded respect and fear in equal measure. he was a man who believed in strength, in the rigidity of rules, in the necessity of keeping emotions tightly leashed. vulnerability was a weakness he could not afford, and he had built his entire life on that foundation. his devout upbringing and the stern teachings of his father had instilled in him a strict moral code, one that left no room for deviation or indulgence in forbidden desires.

yet, beneath the steel exterior, a single, forbidden desire gnawed at the edges of his sanity: his feelings for one of his soldiers.

you.

every time he saw you, his pulse quickened, his breath caught. self-loathing twisted in his gut. how could he, a man of iron principles, be so weak? love was a dangerous distraction, and love between men was an unspoken abomination. the teachings of his faith haunted him, whispers of sin and eternal damnation echoing in his mind. his father's voice, a specter of disdain and disappointment, reverberated alongside: "men like that are disgraceful." graves had built his life on those beliefs, constructing walls around his heart to keep out anything that might expose his vulnerabilities.

but you shattered those walls effortlessly. your strength, your determination, your unwavering loyalty—it was everything he admired in a soldier, everything he could never accept in himself. graves clenched his fists until his knuckles were white, willing himself to get a grip. he could not afford to lose control.

yet when you came to him that night, seeking guidance, seeking solace, something inside him snapped. the iron walls he had built around his heart crumbled, and in a moment of devastating weakness, he let himself feel.

you stood there, looking up at him with those eyes that had haunted his dreams. he couldn't resist any longer. with a trembling hand, he reached out, his fingers brushing against your cheek. the warmth of your skin sent a shiver down his spine. before he could stop himself, he pulled you close, his lips crashing into yours with a desperation that bordered on madness.

he poured all his suppressed emotions into that kiss, every ounce of his forbidden longing, his guilt, his shame. his hands roamed over your back, pulling you tighter against him, needing to feel your warmth, to drown out the voices of condemnation in his head. the room seemed to spin around him, the world narrowing down to the intoxicating sensation of your lips against his.

“sir,” you gasped against his lips, “can’t… not with... the door... open.”

a feral growl rumbled in phillip’s chest. he broke the kiss momentarily, his breath hot and ragged against your face. with a fierce, almost primal urgency, he grabbed your arm and pulled you inside his quarters. the door slammed shut behind you, the finality of the action echoing in the quiet room.

he guided you swiftly to his bed, his grip insistent and firm. as he pushed you down onto the mattress, his eyes burned with a conflicted mixture of desire and frustration. the room was charged with a palpable tension, every movement driven by a need to assert control and escape his inner turmoil.

after slamming the door shut and pushing you onto the bed, phillip’s voice was rough, almost breaking with the intensity of his struggle. “i need you so damn bad,” he growled, his eyes dark with a mixture of desire and torment. “but if anyone knew… if they found out, i’d be sent straight to hell.”

as he looked down at you, his breath catching at the sight of you beneath him—eyes wide and lips slightly parted—the thoughts of damnation and guilt evaporated. the sight of you in such a vulnerable state ignited an overwhelming, burning need within him. he couldn’t think of anything else but the urgent, consuming desire to be with you.

“fucking damnit,” he curses, hands sliding down your body until they reach your hips. phillip’s gaze darkened with desire, wrapping your legs around his waist, crotch pressed up against your own. a low hiss escapes him at the contact and he shoves his head into the crook of your neck to hide his pleasured expression, inhaling your masculine scent.

he tried desperately to imagine that he was touching a woman, hoping it might help him regain control. but as the thought lingered, he found it completely unarousing. the fantasy fell flat, failing to spark any desire. the only thing that stirred his pulse was the undeniable reality of you beneath him, your warmth and vulnerability making every shred of restraint and control dissolve into nothingness.

slowly, phillip began to rock his hips against yours, his movements deliberate and measured. he could feel the tension in your body, the way you responded to each shift. he savored the needy, high-pitched whine that escaped your lips, a sound that drove him wild with desire. the rhythmic motion between you became a shared, intoxicating dance, and with every whimper you gave, his own need only deepened. “f-feels so damn good,” he mutters through gritted teeth, soft grunts filling your ears.

phillip pulls away momentarily to make quick work of unbuttoning his and your jeans, pulling out both of your cocks from its confines. he swallows the lump that forms in his throat at the sight of your body, still fully clothed aside from your…

phillip’s gut churned with a volatile mix of disgust and arousal at the thought. his blue eyes locked with yours, a stark reminder of the gravity of your situation. he was about to call it off and throw you out, but when you wrapped your legs around him, pulling his hips down and pressing the most intimate parts of yourselves together, his mind went hazy and lost all clarity.

“oh, god…” you moan, and phillip feels a surge of conflicted anger and desire. he has half a mind to reprimand you for invoking His name in this chaotic moment. but as he feels the heat of your body pressed against his, the anger fades into a raw, uncontrollable need. his grip tightens, and he’s consumed by the relentless desire to be closer, to lose himself completely in the moment.

instead, he begins thrusting, maintaining his slow and steady pace from before.

and, fuck… it feels so much better. phillip struggled to contain the noises threatening to escape him, rubbing your cocks together as if his life depended on it.

you were lost in the moment, every sensation magnified and overwhelming. the way phillip moved against you sent waves of pleasure through your body, each thrust and press igniting a deep, euphoric ache. you moaned softly, your senses completely absorbed by the intense heat and friction between you. each touch, each shift brought you closer to the edge, your body arching and shifting in response to the overwhelming pleasure. you couldn’t help but surrender completely to the feeling, your mind blanking out as you rode the exhilarating tide of desire.

“i-i’m—i’m close…” you whisper, hands clawing at phillip’s back, clutching tightly at the fabric of his shirt. he only grunts in response, hips stuttering as he feels his own orgasm bubbling within.

phillip keeps his head buried against your shoulder, unable to bring himself to look at you. the shame of indulging in such debauchery is overwhelming enough, and the thought of seeing you reveling in the pleasure only deepens his guilt. he’s desperate to avoid the sight of your enjoyment, fearing that it will amplify his already unbearable self-loathing. his focus remains fixed on the intense sensations, trying to block out the reality of what’s happening and the torment of his own conscience.

despite his inner conflict, he could not help overwhelming tide of pleasure surging through him. he could sense the moment building, an intense and uncontrollable wave of sensation. as the pleasure reached its peak, his grip tightened, and he released a ragged breath against your shoulder, the crescendo of his desire manifesting in a shuddering release. the experience was both consuming and disorienting, leaving him breathless and momentarily lost in the overwhelming intensity. your body responded instinctively, arching and trembling as you reached the peak of your desire. the intensity of the moment left you breathless, your cries mingling with the rhythm of phillip’s movements.

afterward, he lay there, staring at the ceiling, a storm raging in his mind. what had he done? what kind of man had he become? he had betrayed his principles, his honor, everything he stood for. he turned to look at you, your face peaceful in the dim light, and fury surged through him—not at you, but at himself. how could he have allowed this to happen?

“get out,” he said, his voice trembling with barely restrained anger.

you stirred, confusion clouding your features. “sir?”

“i said get out,” he repeated, his tone as cold as a winter’s morning. “this was a mistake, and it won’t happen again. and if you so much as breathe a word of this to anyone, you’ll be wishin’ you hadn’t.”

you stood, pain flashing in your eyes, but you didn't argue. you knew better than to challenge him when he was like this. you gathered your things and left, the door closing softly behind you.

you quickly fixed yourself up, the weight of his words heavy in the air. with one last, pained glance at him, you turned and left the room, the door closing softly behind you.

phillip sank onto the edge of the bed, his face buried in his hands. the room felt oppressively quiet, every corner echoing with the aftermath of what had just happened. the intensity of his emotions left him numb, and he struggled to reconcile the fierce desire he’d felt with the crushing guilt that now consumed him. he stared at the floor, haunted by the memory of your face, his faith, and his father’s voice insulting him for the man he grew up to be.

after a long, agonizing moment, he shakily reached for the small wooden table beside his bed. with trembling hands, he picked up an old, worn Bible and a rosary that lay beside it. clutching them tightly, he buried his face in the pages of the Bible, his lips moving silently in desperate, fervent prayer. the rosary dangled from his fingers as he sought solace, trying to find some measure of peace and forgiveness amidst the chaos of his own making.

[whetstonefires]

So I was thinking about that passage where we hear about how Jiang Fengmian got so excited that Jiang Cheng was willing to be friends with Wei Wuxian that he hugged Wei Wuxian, and this broke 8-year-old Jiang Cheng's heart, because he loved to be held by his father, but his father almost never held him.

(Which led to Jiang Cheng kicking Wei Wuxian out and threatening to sic dogs on him, which made Wei Wuxian panic so badly he went and hid up a tree from these entirely hypothetical dogs, and Jiang Yanli went and found him, and then found Jiang Cheng in a hole and had to carry them both home, and their relationship was sealed by a mutual pact to hide the whole episode from both parents.)

Because the thing is, Jiang Cheng very much had something to be upset about! Wei Wuxian was a treasure and a joy to his father, something recovered beyond all hope, everything he could want in a disciple and the last remainder of the person or people he'd loved best.

And Jiang Cheng was a duty.

That was the entire reason for his existence: he was born out of his parents' obligation to produce a male heir for the Jiang.

Jiang Fengmian takes his duty seriously, but finds in it no joy, and that joylessness informed his relationship with his son at every turn.

And this is the same kind of tragedy as every other in this book. Because it's not that Jiang Cheng's father didn't love him, wasn't visibly fond of him; if there hadn't been this other person here he actually liked, the absence where he struggled to connect with him would have been felt, but it would have been less crushing.

...then, too, if his mother hadn't built that rivalry up the way she did, it would have hurt Jiang Cheng a lot less.

And been less of a thing! It's painfully obvious a lot of the aversion and distance between them is a product of Yu Ziyuan running in and screaming at her husband about how he's the worst and everything is about her at unpredictable intervals.

And of course, it's a lot harder to figure out how to compensate for your own partiality when you're also, simultaneously, trying to compensate for the partiality of another person who keeps insisting the only way to uphold the natural social order is to engage in systematic child abuse. The degree to which you cannot objectively handle a complex emotional situation while someone keeps yelling at you that you should do something morally repugnant or you're Bad cannot be overstated.

I really appreciate Yu Ziyuan as a character, but the heights of her incompetence and active malice as a parent are staggering.

But I was just reflecting on Jiang Fengmian's basic failure to grasp, right out the gate, that his eight year old was parched for affection and that giving more of it to someone else in front of him was going to hurt him. And I was like, haha that's only child behavior right there.

And then I was like. Holy shit. It is only child behavior! Like. Jiang Fengmian was an only child!

Like, duh, but that makes him a serious outlier! Most of the major characters in this story have siblings! It's an outrageously sibling-dynamic-driven book. Yu Ziyuan has at least two elder sisters, and could have any number of brothers or younger sisters--no shit she instinctively interpreted this situation through a lens of sibling rivalry!

Meanwhile that's going right over her husband's head because he's just like, okay going to vicariously live out my childhood fantasy where Changze got all the same advantages as me. 💖😊

[bloodydesires-if]

Bloody Desires: The Cure - Intro Post

Demo TBA (Twine) | Itch.io Page

Bloody Desires: The Cure is a supernatural interactive fiction set in the 21st century. When the Vampiric Round Table (VRT) summons you to New York, you have no choice but to go. The VRT has learned of a credible rumor that a cure for vampirism is somewhere out there. But your kind aren’t the only ones searching for it. The dangerous supernatural exterminators, Heaven’s Hunters, seek the cure to wipe vampires from existence.

18+ for violence, blood, death, sexual themes, explicit language, and morally gray storylines.

Embark on a bloody adventure featuring:

6 unique MC backstories;

3 clans to choose from (Viscardi, Crescendo, Saleyrn);

characters, both supernatural and mortal, who you can form alliances and relationships with (or piss off?);

the ability to play as non-binary, male, female, cis, or trans;

opportunities to level up your skills for the fight ahead; 

multiple endings. 

Learn more about the backstories and companion characters below.

The following companions have platonic and romantic routes.

Kieran Collins - The Shifter

137 years old (looks early 30s) | Irish | male | he/they

Kieran is a shifter who takes on the form of a wolf. They have full control of when they shift, although it can be painful if they shift too often between resting. In his human form, he relies on knives and has spent his life studying supernatural rituals and artifacts. 

Charlotte St. Claire - The Deadly English Rose

28 years old | English | female | she/her

Charlotte is a Londoner with a dark past, having spent a large portion of her life entangled with the dangerous underworld of London. This path led to her imprisonment by a group of vampires who treated her as their personal blood bag. After escaping on the precipice of her death, she was found by Kieran who took her under his wing. 

River Silvius - The Witch

32 years old | American | non-binary | they/them

River is the youngest witch in their family and was raised in the state of Washington. They are currently a professor at the New York Institute of Witchcraft, the premier witchcraft college in North America. They sometimes work on cases with Bennett. 

Katerina Kallergis - The (Other) Vampire

282 years old (looks late 20s to early 30s) | Greek | female | she/her

Katerina is a vampire who was born in Greece almost three-hundred years ago. She despises vampirism - including herself and other vampires. Not much is known about members of her clan, the Infinitum, as they are a tight-knit group of vampires who value privacy and usually avoid other supernaturals as much as possible. 

Bennett Williams - The Cowboy

31 years old | American | male | he/him

Bennett grew up on a ranch in Texas, where he was the only survivor of a Heaven’s Hunters (HH) attack that wiped out his family, including his sister who was a Witch and the intended target. He is currently a private investigator for supernaturals and their families. He is fond of his cowboy hat and shotgun and wears an eyepatch on his left eye. 

There will be additional characters who play their own role in the story, including members of the Vampiric Round Table, clan leaders, Heaven’s Hunters, and more. However, this post would be too long to list all of those people.

Here’s a brief look at the six possible backstories for MC. Subject to change if needed by the author.

Shadow of War World I

Born: 1896 - London, England | Turned: 1915 - Loos-en-Gohelle, France

Born in the heart of London, your life brimmed with dreams. But those were overshadowed by the devastating turmoil of World War I. You were driven by a sense of duty at 19 years old and enlisted alongside your best friend from secondary school. After watching your best friend fall in combat, you were overwhelmed by survivor’s guilt and were left trying to navigate the war-torn world without them. Eventually, you were dying on a different battlefield, reminded of them. But as the darkness closed in, so did a vampire…

Shadow of the Roaring 20s 

Born: 1898 - New York, NY | Turned: 1922 - New York, NY

Born to a working-class family in the heart of New York City, you spent the entirety of your mortal life there. Your Sire was drawn to you as soon as you entered the speakeasy that fateful night… as your connection with your Sire grew, so did both of your desires to never lose each other. A year after being turned, a relentless group of vampire hunters took them from you as they sacrificed themself for your sake...

Shadow of the Spanish Renaissance 

Born: 1608 - Barcelona, Spain | Turned: 1635 - Madrid, Spain

Born to a merchant family in bustling Barcelona, your early years were spent comfortably and your family hoped you would follow in their footsteps. But your passions lay elsewhere. You found yourself inspired by artists such as Coello and Velázquez, and frequented libraries and salons. As you grew older, the weight of familial obligations bore down upon you. One night while you were in Madrid visiting friends, a vampire approached you with a proposal…

Shadow of the French Revolution

Born: 1770 - Vizille, France | Turned: 1799 - Paris, France

Born to a family of budding rebels in Vizille, you experienced the backdrop of social unrest and discontent. As the revolution began to spread across France, you found yourself at the midst of it in Paris. It is there that your Sire became fascinated by your sense of justice and chose you to be their eternal descendent. Against your deepest desires, you were thrust into immortality, a fate you never sought, as your original intention was simply to fight for the betterment of humanity…

Shadow of the Zhou Dynasty

Born: 890 B.C. - Western Zhou | Turned: 867 B.C - Western Zhou

Born into a prestigious family, you spent much of your time at court, learning from tutors and schemers alike. As a young adult, you were caught in the crossfires of a power struggle within the court. Betrayed by those you once trusted, you were the victim of an assassination attempt. You only remember your eyes closing….and then waking up as a vampire, your sire nowhere in sight…

Shadow of the Nile

Born: 1050 B.C. - Tanis, Egypt | Turned: 1023 B.C - Thebes, Egypt 

Born to a family of esteemed lineage, you were raised in the sacred walls of the Temple of Amun-Ra in preparation for your future as a religious figurehead. You did eventually become an important leader in Thebes during a time of political imbalance. But then you died. When you awoke, a vampire was watching over you with an amused look. They swore to have found you already dying in an alley…

-----

Asks are welcome if you so desire, however, I won't be doing NSFW reactions or long reactions at this time. I will still do some regular reactions and answer general NSFW. Thanks!

P.S. please let me know if there's an error in the post, thanks <3

[r--kt]

Kid Kakashi is getting away from responsibility! does he?

I once saw an opinion that «Kakashi adheres to the rules to avoid responsibility for his actions so that he always has a safety net», and it seems to me that this is a fairly common misconception. so here's the thing...

contents | analysis of Kakashi and Sakumo's motives, a little speculation on the topic. also the text is a bit messy

Sakumo commits suicide. the parent as a the only support in Kakashi's life has been lost, and Kakashi needs to grow up quickly, become responsible and not make paternal mistakes. a five-to-seven-year-old child must figure out the dilemma of an adult who raised him. not a bad task, huh?

the moral dilemma is as follows: should I recognize a warrior as a soul worthy of life, or as a tool used to save the majority?

a small child, by the way, should take it upon himself. he is this warrior. let me rephrase, it's "should I recognize myself as a soul worthy of life, or as a tool used to save the majority? what way should I recognise my father? what way he recognised himself by committing suicide?"

everything that happened makes Kakashi wonder if he (a shinobi) is worthy of living if he doesn't defend his homeland. a healthy little child would say "yes/idk/idc, let's go play". a child who experiences the suicide of a father deprived of honor and hounded for such humanity due to violation of military regulations chooses to consider himself unworthy. is it a fear of responsibility? let's take a closer look at the accents.

CH 240. Minato and Obito's conversation.

so Sakumo saves his Shinobi group. he does this because he knows that they will not cope with the mission and will die in vain, without benefiting the village, and, moreover, harming it with the loss of labor. and, obviously, this was done out of humane motives, which is what the emphasis is on. what does Sakumo do as a team captain? Sakumo, who is clearly a skilled strategist and/or warrior, since he's compared in strength/fame to the three Sannins. he's retreating. does he do it just like that, without having a way out and a plan to come back? well, hardly. the dude has to be damn smart, judging by the way he was introduced. but will the embittered, war-weary shinobi figure out all the subtleties of the failure of Sakumo? the question is rhetorical.

let's think (I can't assert this, but it sounds logical) Sakumo wanted to return to the village to develop a new plan with a larger team, but did not have much time, because enemy attacked the land of Fire earlier. the consequence is hundreds, possibly thousands of civilian lives and so on. Sakumo would not be a respected captain if he simply refused the mission out of fear of someone else's death. fear of the meaninglessness of someone else's death? maybe. rather, it was a sense of duty to his team, a sense of the very responsibility for his leadership to these people. these things are not the same.

Sakumo's actions are driven by risk. the mission is a failure, but it was certainly intended as a justified failure. however, there is no point in proving this to others, they will not enter the position, because «you are the captain who gave the wrong order. you're a captain who broke the rules. you are to blame for these deaths.» a bunch of rescued shinobi are nothing against the background of thousands of war dead. and even this bunch thinks you fucked up, Captain.

Interesting how, from Obito's words, we can find out that there is another opinion about Sakumo, a more positive(?) one. «in the line of duty» — that's how they call it, huh. I also want to note that Minato emphasizes the following idea: Sakumo was vilified and slandered. no one just wanted to figure out if he was this guilty.

so the whole topic was not about to be responsible or not. it's about responsibility as a duty and as a choice. It's about responsibility to a metaphorical face of the country and responsibility to specific people of that country. it's about different approaches to understanding humanity, peace, sacrifice, honour, about rethinking the duty of shinobi and the so-called will of Fire. and, most importantly, Sakumo's story is about the dishonour and disgrace that can come when no one wants to figure out why you acted that way. and no one should have, it's just circumstances. when you mess up, all your comrades stop being your friends and take on the face of a single military structure that doesn't care whether you wanted it better or not. you messed up, you violated the rules, and so many people died because of you, scum.

Naruto Shippuden. Ending 33.

and with Sakumo's death, it all falls on his child. he's the son of a traitor. of course Kakashi's behavior afterward is a defense mechanism. (which I would like to talk about separately) if he was so afraid of responsibility, then why did he rush up the ranks? he would have sat as a genin and kept his head down. what kind of irresponsibility are we talking about?

Kakashi is not about irresponsibility and the consequences of it, after which he became responsible. he was already like that, in his own way, but it led to the disaster — again. that's the point. It's about fighting disgrace, and about trying to avoid unwanted consequences by one behavior, during which he got even worse.

so, I just seemed to justify Sakumo (can do vice versa) to show the background of Kakashi's behaviour and his attachment to rules. he doesn't just act out of spite and is not protected by the rules (to some extent, but not to the one mentioned at the beginning). he really concluded that in order to prevent civilian casualties, he would sometimes have to sacrifice his loved ones. and it's better not to have these loved ones at all. as events have shown, shinobi has no right to put his interests above, because his task is to protect others. it's selfish and disgraceful. he understood that shinobi is a tool. this is what Kakashi came to after Sakumo's death, because everything pointed to this: the fact that Sakumo was harassed by the same people he saved, and the fact that he was basically slandered by the whole village, and the fact that he himself eventually committed not a simple, not some kind of, but namely a ritual suicide with his own tanto.

so many people can't be wrong, can they? well... another rhetorical question.

[k6tzie]

COD CHARACTERS BIRTHDAYS / ZODIACS

⋆ ˚｡ ghost: march 5th - pisces. i would say pisces or libra but i feel as though he fits pisces well - he's adaptable to new situations where pisces are known for being flexible. pisces are idealistic and strongly guided by moral compass, he seems to be driven by duty and principles even if his actions are seen as morally ambiguous. pisces are intuitive and his high alertness towards split-second decisions add to why i think he'd be a pisces 🐟 ⋆ ˚｡ price: may 11 - taurus. taurus are loyal, stubborn and organised. the bull represents stability, strength and discipline which is what a leader like price possesses. they are very loyal people and price demonstrates this throughout the game with how dedicated he is to his team 🐂 ⋆ ˚｡ gaz: february 13 - aquarius. aquarius' tend to be more on the 'quirky' side which gaz definitely gives off a little lol. they are independent and free-thinking, gaz tends to show autonomy and the ability to think and decide for himself even with the military hierarchy. they also have a desire to make positive changes to the world which i find gaz to be one of the more creative and kinder ones in the game 🌊 ⋆ ˚｡ soap: july 17 - cancer. cancers are moody, irritable and very empathetic. he shows a lot of emotion throughout the game - especially irritation. cancers are often deeply loyal and devoted to their loved ones and causes. soap's loyalty to his team and his commitment to them could be seen as a reflection of being a cancer 🦀 ⋆ ˚｡ alejandro: march 29 - aries (canon?) now, i'm not sure if this is canon or not but i see this as something many people are saying like it's a fact 🤷‍♀️ aries are courageous and bold. he is portrayed as a highly skilled and fearless colonel who isn't afraid to take on dangerous missions like saving rudy from that fire. as colonel, it's important to have leadership skills and good decision making, aries are often assertive and initiative which fits ale well. 🐏 ⋆ ˚｡ rudy: march 14 - pisces. pisces' are known for being calm, quiet and sensitive. rudy is portrayed as a character who is attuned to the emotional states of his teammates and is willing to offer support and comfort when needed, making him a strong empath. most of his interactions throughout the game is gentle and soft spoken. he's also seen as creative, which fits the pisces archetype. 🐟 ⋆ ˚｡ farah: january 25 - aquarius. aquarians are often associated with a strong sense of social justice, humanitarian ideals, and a desire to help others, which practically sums up farah lol. her selfless dedications and rebellious spirit make her a perfect fit for being an aquarius. 💨 ⋆ ˚｡ makarov: april 18 - aries. aries are often characterized by their aggressive ambition, leadership qualities, and a relentless drive to achieve their goals, all of which makarov naturally possesses. 🐏 ⋆ ˚｡ konig: december 23 - capricorn. i see he might be a capricorn due to his disciplined approach, strong sense of responsibility, and strategic mindset. his focus on meticulous planning and achieving long-term goals aligns well with capricorn's traits. 🐐 ⋆ ˚｡ keegan: august 10 - leo. i think he could be considered a leo due to his confident and charismatic leadership style, as well as his strong sense of loyalty and courage. they're known for their boldness, natural authority, and commitment to their team, traits that align well with keegan's.🦁 ⋆ ˚｡ logan: april 2 - aries. even if he doesn't speak, i see him as aries for his courageous and proactive nature. aries' are known for their bravery and willingness to take initiative, traits that logan shows through his bold actions and readiness to face challenges. 🐏

[baby-girl-aaron-dessner]

The role of women in criticising men for their moral failings in the name of “strength” is increasingly prevalent in this week’s episode of HotD:

Rhaenyra & the Black Council:

We start with Ser Alfred continuing to undermine Rhaenyra during a council meeting. While speaking about Rhaenyra in the same condescending way he usually does, he says, “It is merely that the gentler sex, heretofore, has not been much privy to the strategies of battle, or their execution.” Rhaenyra has to then remind him and her council of men about their shared inexperience with battle: “There has been peace in our lifetime. You've seen no more battles than I have.”

As Rhaenyra says to Mysaria, her small council speaks “around” her, not “to” her. Mysaria points out that by dismissing Rhaenyra because they view her as a “gentle” woman, it reveals how the men “betray their own smallness”.

This idea that women are “gentle” and therefore, weak ties to when Rhaenyra said, “there are those who have mistaken my caution for weakness. Let that be their undoing.”

Alicent & the Green Council:

Like Rhaenyra, Alicent isn’t taken seriously by the men around her. She urges the small council to choose her over Aemond as regent because Aemond’s “lack of restraint” has “cost [them] dearly”. Out of the men at the council, only one of them supports her. This happens to be the most knowledgeable member of the council - Maester Orwyle. He backs Alicents reasoning, “It is experience that offers the surest path to security. Queen Alicent ably shouldered the duties of the realm when her husband's health failed him.” The rest of the council refuse her case based on the fact that she’s a woman. Again, the idea of “strength” is used to justify the actions of men. The council asserts that this is “a time when [they] must show strength.”

This ties back to Alicent’s words to her father: “Reluctance to murder is not a weakness!" Another example of the narrow definition of “strength” that is imposed by men.

Later, we see Alicent warning Cole of the dangers that this rigid adherence to “strength” will lead to: “You know what [Aemond] is... what of justice, of temperance? Or is strength now to be our only god? So you cast me aside.” Of course, Cole justifies his dismissal of Alicent because he views her as a gentle woman that needs to be “spared”.

Daemon: Alys & Laena

Daemon attempts to justify his crimes by stating, “war is a terrible thing.” Alys corrects him, “This is not war. These are crimes against the innocent…And once again, in the name of power, it's the weak and the women who must endure.” In response, Daemon argues that the people, “look to a man for strength.” Here we see that he views the idea of strength as equivalent to masculinity.

Ultimately, this show of “strength” back-fires on him when his victims denounce him as a “tyrant”. It’s in this scene where Laena’s ghost asks him, “Have you looked after our girls?” Her ghost is used to haunt Daemon over his past mistakes. His desire for strength and power have led to many unintended failures.

Aemond & Helaena:

While staring at the Iron Throne - a prize he secured as a result of relentless scheming - Helaena asks him, “Was it worth the price?”

Similar to Laena, Helaena’s role is to haunt Aemond. This follows the overused trope that women serve as moral compasses for men.

Rhaenyra & Jace:

Jace is restless and goes against his mother’s wishes. He is eager to take his dragon and fight leading Rhaenyra to remind her son that Luke was killed by Vhagar and Aemond.

Rhaenyra shoulders a great burden. She is expected to be “always prudent” while the men around her rush to war.

Final Thoughts:

It’s clear that the writers are trying to portray the women as “prudent”, wise and “cautious” while characterising the men as power hungry, reckless and driven by a narrow notion of “strength”. Clearly, the writers are using gendered tropes. This dynamic is not a novel one. And these ideas are not complex.

However, it is important in adding depth to a character like Rhaenyra who was dismissed as “cruel” in the books.

Usually, gendered tropes attract criticism because they tend to reinforce the existing gender order. Although I’m not applying that specific criticism to this case, I do think that the heavy reliance on the idea that women’s voices should hold men accountable for their actions feels overused.

[mya-valentine]

Headcanon: Cyno x Criminal S/O

Cyno’s relationship with a criminal S/O would be complicated, to say the least. As the General Mahamatra, his unwavering sense of justice and duty would constantly conflict with his feelings for his S/O. Initially, he might not have known about their criminal activities, but once he finds out, it would create an intense inner struggle for him. Cyno is not one to bend the law easily, even for someone he cares about deeply.

His S/O would have to be someone exceptionally clever and elusive—someone who operates in the gray areas of morality. They aren’t a villain, but their actions might be driven by necessity or their own code of ethics, which doesn’t align with Cyno’s strict black-and-white view of justice. They could be a Robin Hood-like figure, stealing from the rich or powerful for the sake of the underprivileged. This would challenge Cyno’s rigid sense of right and wrong, forcing him to reconsider the nuances of morality.

While Cyno wouldn’t openly support his S/O’s actions, there would be a part of him that understands why they do what they do. He might not condone their behavior, but his feelings would lead him to offer subtle warnings or even secretly help them evade capture at times, despite the guilt he feels for doing so. He would struggle between his duty as a law enforcer and his growing affection for them.

His S/O would probably enjoy teasing him about his strict adherence to the rules, knowing they represent everything Cyno is supposed to stand against. There would be a sense of tension, but also excitement between them, as they navigate the dangerous line they’re walking. His S/O might say things like, “What would the General Mahamatra do if he knew where I was last night?” with a mischievous smirk, knowing it would both challenge and intrigue him.

Despite their differences, Cyno would be fascinated by their cunning and resourcefulness. He would admire their intelligence and ability to outwit others, even if it frustrates him that they use those skills for illegal activities. His S/O’s unpredictability would keep him on edge, always wondering what they’re going to do next, and oddly enough, this would make him drawn to them even more.

Over time, Cyno would try to persuade his S/O to leave their criminal lifestyle behind, using logical arguments and appealing to their better nature. He’d believe that they’re capable of using their talents for something good, perhaps even working alongside him. His S/O, however, might see the world differently, challenging Cyno’s idealistic views with their own cynicism about the world and the law.

Even in their disagreements, there would be a deep sense of mutual respect. Cyno values strength of character, and even though his S/O’s methods may be questionable, their determination and conviction would resonate with him. His S/O might even try to make him see that the law isn’t always just, forcing Cyno to reevaluate his approach to justice over time.

Cyno’s loyalty would shine through in their relationship, despite the conflict of interests. He would never betray his S/O, even if it means compromising his own rigid moral code. While he might not agree with their choices, he would protect them fiercely, caught between love and duty.

Ultimately, Cyno’s love for his criminal S/O would be a constant balancing act. He would continue to pursue justice, but with the understanding that sometimes justice isn't as clear-cut as he once thought. Their relationship would be a constant push-and-pull, full of tension, danger, and undeniable chemistry.

[probablyasocialecologist]

Despite the 48 intervening years, the novella still comes easily and disagreeably. Davidson in particularly is frighteningly familiar, a white supremacist assured of his moral certitude, convinced that he has both the right and duty to murder creechies after they rise up from forced servitude and destroy a logging camp, killing some 200 Terrans. Following an interdict from Earth—a member of the new League of Worlds—that the Terran colonists of New Tahiti leave the Athsheans alone pending the League’s audit of the colony’s impact on the indigenous humans (an intervention pushed by Terran anthropologist or “hilfer” Raj Lyubov and two visiting non-Terran humans, a Cetian and a Hain), Davidson refuses to give up his crusade against the creechies.  Like H. Beam Piper’s Little Fuzzy before and James Cameron’s Avatar after, Word for World pits the Bad Guy against the indigenous population as a representative of the worst aspects of human (Terran) life: a god-hero complex driven by greed, racism, and self-assured superiority over all life. The Davidson figure (Kellog in Piper, Quaritch in Cameron’s film) is juxtaposed by Lyubov, an anthropologist who advocates strongly for Athshe’s independence, representing a vaguely liberal they’re-human-too response to Terran expansionism. Word for World departs from the eco-capitalist fantasies of similar texts, from the idea that colonial expansion and resource extraction are OK but within reason, by presenting things from the indigenous perspective and not treating the “within reason” perspective as the final word on colonialism.  In other words, Le Guin provides a strong case for the Athsheans’ swift and violent retaliation against the Terrans, including the killing of 500 women (newly brought to New Tahiti to “entertain” the two-thousand-plus workforce of Terran men) so the Terrans cannot “breed.” Readers of course are aware that the colony has a brand new ansible, has just learned of the League’s new interdict against conflict with the locals, and might very well lose their colonial charter. This is the “within reason” response: Earth learn that the colonists went “too far,” so an attempt must be made to reign them in; as Colonel Dongh, administrator of the colony tells Selver, temporary leader of the Athsheans upon the Terrans’ defeat, the release of “voluntary” laborers should have been enough to appease the Athsheans. This is the rhetoric of bullies and empires when their former victims are still angry: But we stopped murdering/bombing/enslaving you, so why’re you mad? 

[bladesmitten]

i always really love how wyll is so steadfast with his moral compass and principles. that no matter how much he loves you, he can and will leave, because his duty to defend the people always comes first.

i also think about how he learned that from his father. how that lesson was driven in when he signed a warlock pact with a devil at 17 and his father banished him for it.

no doubt wyll knows his father loves him, but he also believes his father was right to banish him. wyll took that lesson to heart but his exile didn't turn him jaded or bitter. he's still the same wyll who loves love songs and heroes stories. he has so much love to give and it shows!

but when you, the player, commit incredibly heinous crimes, wyll remembers what his father has said and done. he remembers that no matter how much you love the person, there's still a fine line between right and wrong, and it is not a line that the ravengards willingly cross.

[liesmyth]

I'm not the OG adventure time anon but I will always say things about adventure time. first off 90% of adventure time is about Finn and Jake, and it is pretty good, pretty cute, very fun animation. about 3% of the remaining 10% is the bisexual situationship to bitter exes to lovers that haunts my dreams. We have Princess Bubblegum, who is made of sentient gum. She is the benevolent dictator of a kingdom of candy people she bioengineered to be sweet and biddable because her first attempt at making herself companions betrayed her and tried to lobotomize her for fun and profit. She's a control freak who takes her dictator duties very seriously and over the course of the series comes to realize that she really has to step back and respect other people's autonomy and choices and maybe even welcome a little chaos into her life. In the other corner we have Marceline the Vampire Queen! She's a thousand years old and she just lost track of her moral code. Marceline starts life as the daughter of a mortal woman and the literal devil, who loves her but is neglectful. After her mother dies in a post apocalyptic scenario she is adopted by a wizard who is slowly being driven to amnesiac madness by the very powers that allow him to survive and protect her. Her amnesiac adopted dad is also fixated on her ex girlfriend, who he keeps trying to kidnap and marry. anyway after the wizard forgets her she becomes a vampire hunter and then a vampire and is frozen emotionally as a traumatized and angry teenager. she plays the bass. she says things that make PB go "marceline that's too distasteful" while obviously being into it. PB's most prized possession is a band tshirt marceline tossed her at one of her shows but she sacrifices it to get marceline's childhood teddy bear back from a witch. PB does mad science on Marceline to turn her human again so Marceline can get emotional closure. it's very gay. since PB is pink and Marceline eats the colour red Marceline can eat her but the one time that happened the animators decided to troll and make it aggressively unhorny. they were extremely obviously exes early on but that provoked such backlash they weren't allowed to be in the same episode for literally years but then they got a full getting together arc featuring a finale kiss so who's delusional now, haters????

oh. wow.

[romanromulus]

the thing about Herbert is that he’s just driven. you guys are so brain poisoned by your phones that you don’t even know what it looks like to be motivated and want to work. he’s on his fucking grindset but y’all wouldn’t know about that. the thing about dan is that he’s just There. Dan is a wet blanket beta pissing and moaning and leeching off Herbert’s intense and deadly focus. he’s like one of those guys who just post motivational quotes on their instagram and then log off and call it a day, except like, morally. token refusal, token expression of dismay. ok done my duty. deep down he wants to be Herbert so so bad but he doesn’t have the guts or the spine or the bootstraps mentality. he’s a parasite. he’s fucking Eeyore. he literally doesn’t exist if he’s not buried in someone’s fur bloodsucking like the tick he is. meg herbert francesca after that, who knows? if you stuck Dan in solitary confinement he would fold in ten hours and start self harming in twelve. Dan would sell his mother for a tic-tac if he thought his breath smelled bad. anyway those are just a few reasons why Dan is my favorite character :)

[paimonial-rage]

why he rejected you (pt 2)

characters: itto, kaeya, kaveh, kazuha, mika, razor, thoma, tighnari, venti, wanderer, xiao, xingqiu, zhongli

synopsis: you finally gathered up the bravery to confess your feelings, but much to your dismay, they turned you down. but you deserve to know the reason, right?

notes: this group is more nuanced than part 1, so i was not able to capture the whole reason within a single paragraph. please keep that in mind when you read.

Itto - Bros Before Hoes

It’s not that he doesn’t like you. He may tell himself he doesn’t, but he likes you. A lot. It’s not like he can admit to that, though. Could you imagine how the boys would react if they found out? He’s the great Arataki “The One and Oni” Itto! What would they think if they found out the head honcho of the Arataki Gang turned into a stuttering mess over a little crush! No way, he’d never live it down. I mean, besides, the bros come first, you know? 

Kaeya - (Self) Protection

It’s easy to fall for the silver-tongued Calvary Captain. Kind, exciting, and adored by everyone, everyone has had a crush on him at some point in time. Oddly enough, though, you’ve never heard stories of anyone confessing their feelings. Eventually, you found out why. With quick wit and an even quicker tongue, he doesn’t give you the chance. He dances circles around you with ease. And there in his eyes, you can catch glimpses of it. Amusement, yes, but something more. Fear? Self-loathing? Or perhaps something else.

Kaveh - Weighty Expectations

His roommate would tell you that Kaveh is nothing if not morally driven. He takes his sense of duty to an extreme degree. Some say it’s his best trait; others, his worst. It’s why he rejected you, his roommate states plainly. Kaveh knows what he is. He’s broke, temperamental, living with Alhaitham, depressed, troubled, living with Alhaitham… As he is right now, he is not in the right place to give you everything you deserve. You deserve better. 

Kazuha - Self-pursuit

It’s often said that Kazuha floats from place to place like a leaf upon a summer breeze. Not even the popular Traveler can keep him inside their peaceful teapot for long. Stagnancy dulls the mind and the sword, after all. It’s why he keeps the wall he has built before you. How will he be led by the whims of the wind with a weight holding him down? As strong as his feelings may be for you, his heart will always know where it belongs. It will never be yours.

Mika - Overwhelming

You don’t need to know him well to know that Mika does not like attention. Even having worked with Varka of all people has not given him the confidence to converse easily. As much as you may wish not to, you are not exempt from this. For someone that plans and prepares meticulously as him, you represent an unknown. No amount of observation could ever prepare him to interact with someone that stands out as much as you. Sad to say, you're just too much for him.

Razor - Confusion

Though having spent most of his life around his lupical, a mate was always a simple concept to understand. A mate is a lupical you have a strong bond with. You take care of your mate and your mate takes care of you. You are bound to them for life. The human concept of mates though… Strange complex rituals bind it. It’s frivolous and random. It’s weak and can easily be broken. It can easily wear down over time. Really, Razor can’t wrap his mind around it at all.

Thoma - Higher Loyalties

It’s safe to say that Thoma is an oddity in Inazuma. Ignoring his appearance, he’s helpful and friendly. He treats everyone with the same amount of kindness. He’s gentle with children, not bound by pride. After meeting him personally, it’s hard not to like him. So it’s not much of a surprise that many mothers wish to welcome him into their family. But don’t be fooled. Thoma is a man of duty. His loyalties will always lay with something far greater than you.

Tighnari - Fantastical Expectations

Tighnari is nothing if not a realist. This is not something he exactly hides either. If he has something to say, he will make sure that it is heard. You can’t exactly blame him. He deals with delusional travelers on a near-daily basis that adore touting fantastical dreams of befriending dangerous creatures, after all. If he has to deal with you piling expectations on him of being treated like a princess with sickeningly sweet words of love and infantilizing care, he will go insane. 

Venti - Guiding Wind

Though he has his faults, it’s easy to fall for a person like Venti. When he drops nearly everything to listen to and help you with kind words and a gentle smile, how can you not? It’s so easy to feel like he cares for you, that you truly matter to him. It’s such a wonderful feeling that it becomes easy to forget that trust is a two-way street. Has he ever relied on you for the same amount of support? When the wind is always forging ahead to lead the way, the only place it will never remain is at your side.

Wanderer - Safe

This traumatized boy would probably fall for anyone persistent and resilient enough to put up with his attitude. 

Xiao - Kindness

He’s never hid his reason for rejecting you. Really, he warned you of it when you first met. So even though your smiles pique his curiosity and your laugh makes him long for more, even though the warmth of your eyes beckons him close and the sound of your voice calms him like the melody of a flute, he will never open his heart. It’s the kindest thing he can do for you.

Xingqiu - Interest

As a writer, there’s nothing that calls out to Xingqiu more than potential, story potential. This spark of inspiration can be found in many things—people, situations, places. Every new discovery is like unearthing a gem, drawing him close and pushing him to work his magic to make it shine. You, however? His eyes pass over you as if there’s nothing there. You might as well be a faceless extra in a large crowd. There’s no potential to be found. 

Zhongli - Divine Perspective

Trying to get Zhongli to fall may frustrate you. You wouldn’t be the first. Though his amber eyes may reflect warmth upon seeing you, they never reflect that of a potential lover. Rather, it’s a look that brings you back to your younger years in a way you can’t exactly explain. Only his long-time friends would know why. Really, being thousands of years older, how can he not see you like anything other than a child?

[henry-espionage]

Just A Bite

word count: 2563

pairing: tenya iida x transmasc!reader

includes: transmasc!reader, reader has a vampire quirk, blood drinking, reader loses blood-drinking virginity, heavy praise, reader’s genitalia referred to as ‘pussy’ and ‘clit’, pussy-eating, reader rides Tenya, Tenya Iida is referred to as having tits (bc he does), cumming inside.

author's note: henry's back with more self-indulgence babieeee! inspired by me reading dracula in july/august but it took me a whole month to finish bc writer's block!!

----------------------

There was no situation where fainting in front of a colleague was not humiliating. However, fainting just inches away from the press after apprehending a dangerous villain brought the situation to a new level of horror that even you, in your barely lucid state, could recognise. Working as a pro with a vampire quirk was bad enough (you’d lost count of the amount of people that refused to let you rescue them) without your delivery of blood supply being delayed by two weeks. So, here you sat with Ingenium (or, rather, Tenya Iida in his civilian clothing) in his office, only too conscious of your empty stomach.

“You really ought to be taking better care of yourself, Y/N,” Tenya fussed, his strong brow furrowed in concern, “how can you expect to take care of the public if you are neglecting your need for food?” 

“I can’t help my blood delivery being delayed, Iida.” 

No matter how hard you tried you couldn’t muster a single scrap of vitriol against the man sitting in front of you, especially after he’d carried you back to his office. A silence settled between the two of you; you could not stop staring at his neck. Without his helmet on, you were unashamed to say that he was gorgeous. You longed to bury your teeth underneath that powerful jawline as you straddled his muscular waist. Frankly, it was embarrassing, how hungry looking at him made you. He loudly sighed.

“I just wish that you would have told me: I could have ordered some for you myself.” You couldn’t help the way you rolled your eyes. In what world would you have begged your boss to help? Even so, you couldn’t stop staring at his flesh.

Ever since your quirk manifested, you promised that you would never drink from another person – you’d ignored the instinct to do so for years now – but the man in front of you was wearing your resolve thin. Every muscle in your body ached to lunge at Tenya, pin him down and drink from his neck until you had your fill.

“Y/N?” Your cheeks flushed with heat at the embarrassing realisation that you’d been caught daydreaming; now he was kneeling in front of you, eyes trained to your face. You couldn’t get out a single word. You swallowed harshly. “You can only have human blood, correct?” After some hesitation, you nodded your head. “I wouldn’t see anything wrong with you taking it from me, then.” As what he was getting at finally clicked, your eyes shot wide-open in mild terror, but Tenya cut you off before you could begin to protest, “as your boss, it’s my duty to ensure your wellbeing.” 

There was something of a challenge behind those beautiful eyes of his. Did he even know what he was getting himself in to? As much as your morals screamed at you, you couldn’t stop your hunger from winning out. Shakily, you stood up.

“This will be best if you’re laying down,” you gestured to the sofa you had just risen from and watched as Tenya took your place, unbuttoning his shirt slightly. 

Suddenly, the air was thick with anticipation; your sharpened senses were assaulted by the smell of Tenya’s exposed flesh – had he always been this irresistible to you? Saliva pooled in the base of your mouth as your tongue darted over your lips, catching on the sharp point of your fangs. Every step towards him felt like agony. As you finally reached his side, you hesitantly pressed your cold fingers against his pulse point; shivers ran over your spine at the sensation of life. Driven purely by nervous instinct, you straddled his waist and leaned over so your teeth were ghosting over his neck. You swallowed harshly.

“Sorry about this,” your voice was barely above a whisper, “it’s the best way for me to…”

“It’s okay. I understand.” Tenya’s voice was uncharacteristically soft and surprisingly composed, all things considered. It was taking every vestige of control left in your body not to lick over his neck.

“I’ve never done this before but I don’t think it hurts too much.” Finally, you took a deep breath in and let yourself sink into his neck, vaguely aware of the soft hiss the man beneath you let out.

In all your years, never had you tasted blood so fresh; you knew that you could never go back to frozen blood after this. Only half-aware of your whimpers, you sucked on Tenya eagerly and with little co-ordination. It was like you’d been traipsing around in some half-life until this very moment. With every morsel of blood that flooded past your lips, you were only vaguely aware of the way Tenya’s body had relaxed completely. No longer so stiff. No longer so proper. A low rumble of a groan reverberated in the base of his throat as his hands found their way to your waist, almost holding you in place.

Unlike your usually composed self, your work was messy. Blood pooled at the corners of your lips and dripped down Tenya’s neck like streams until you licked at it with a puppy-like desperation. Your hips wiggled subconsciously, brushing up against Tenya’s crotch. As you took your fill from him, you felt the bulge under his trousers grow; your base instincts urged you to grind down onto it, professionalism be damned. 

Every hum, every whine, every lewd suck that fell from your mouth seemed to spur Tenya on. His grip turned into some bruising as he guided your hips in his own rhythm, pants beginning to fall from his parted lips as you drank from him. Soon you were getting full. Your eyes were half-lidded and your vision unfocused as you took in your last sips of Tenya’s blood. Finally, you popped off with a lewd noise as you let rivulets of blood run front your lips. Your tongue hungrily lapped up the overspill of blood from his neck.

There was little focus to your vision; your eyes were hazy in a way they’d never been after a feed. You were beyond satisfied. In your blood-drunk state, you made no attempt to move from Tenya’s lap and smiled lazily at him. One of his hands moved from your waist to the corner of your mouth; he gathered his blood from your cheeks and lips with his thumb and pushed it into your mouth. You did not hesitate to clean it off with your tongue as your blown pupils bore into him.

“I never thought that you would be such a messy eater, Y/N,” his eyes had turned dark as he hooked his thumb into your mouth, “you were so pretty like that for me.” Tenya groaned as you eagerly sucked his thumb. As he pulled it out, strings of saliva kept the two of you connected, much to Tenya’s delight. He pulled you down for a messy kiss and ground up into you. A different form of hunger made itself known to you. 

Through your messy kisses, the pair of you made quick work of one another’s clothes, discarding them in a messy pile beside you until you broke the kiss.

“Are you sure you have enough energy to-” you were cut off by a harsh suck to your neck.

“Always. Now, sit on my face. I want my fill too.” You stumbled to meet his demands in a desperate haze, clumsily making your way over to him until your dripping pussy hovered just above his face. Hot breath fanned over your core, making you tremble with anticipation as Tenya’s arms looped around your thighs. “Come on, now: I told you to sit,” before you could even process the rough edge to his voice, he had yanked you down so your clit was flush to his nose.

The man below you gave you no chance to adjust as he opened his jaw wide and licked bold stripes up and down your folds; his humming against you sent you into overdrive and your thighs flexed underneath his strong hands. No matter how much you squirmed, Tenya refused to let up, letting his tongue rove over your clit with expert precision as he suckled on your folds. Now, his pupils were fully dilated, his irises just thin ribbons of colour as he began to thrust his tongue past your folds.

With each sound his ministrations pulled from you, Tenya became more feral – could this really be the same man who was chastising you for not eating mere moments ago? As he alternated between harsh sucks and gentle licking, you felt a knot in your lower stomach be pulled taut. Your juices were steadily leaking from you as you rut against his tongue like an animal in heat.

“Tenya, I-” you were cut off by a chuckle reverberating through your core, shutting off your thoughts.

“Let it go, pretty boy. C’mon.” That was all the permission you needed. The knot inside snapped with force, leaving you crying out as your thighs trembled in Tenya’s grip and you came on his face. Even as you reached the apex of your pleasure, his tongue licked bold stripes up and down you, hungry for more of your taste. It was as if you hadn’t drunk from him at all; it was as if this had filled him with energy. He only stopped his ministrations when your whines spilled into overstimulated pleasure.

Shakily, you crawled down his body, seating yourself over his boxers. Even as the pair of your greedily gasped for air, Tenya pulled your lips towards his, ensnaring them in another kiss. Your clit was still throbbing yet you couldn’t help but grind up against the bulge in his boxers. His hands caught your hips again. You were certain that his thumbs were going to leave bruises on your flesh. A single string of saliva connected your lips as he kneaded your thighs.

“You still want more?” Tenya’s voice was dangerously low as his hands moved to cup your ass; he moved to kiss your neck. In your fucked-out state, all you could do was nod and reach to pull his dick out of his boxers. 

You sat back to admire the sheer girth of it. Precum glinted in the orange glow of the sunset outside; more leaked from the tip as you gave it an experimental stroke, an accompanying groan falling from Tenya’s lips. The way his pink tip leaked made you feral; the ache inside returned once more as you lined yourself up with his cock. Each time it brushed up against your entrance, your body shivered with anticipation. Wordlessly, Tenya grasped your hip.

“What do you want, pretty boy?” Your throat went dry at his husky voice and hooded eyes, “I’m not going to give it to you unless you tell me what you want.”

“Please,” you swallowed thickly, “please let me sit on your cock and ride it. Please, Tenya.” For a few moments, the room was silent. Neither one of you dared to break the peace. Then, a feral grin spread across Tenya’s face.

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” he thrust his hips up without warning, fully sheathing himself inside you; punching a moan from your gut. You ground down against him, whining at the relief that he was finally inside you. A light fuzziness filled your head at the sudden fullness, invading your ears and narrowing your senses down to the point where your two bodies were connected; you rolled your hips experimentally, relishing in the pleasant ache that settled in your core. Tenya groaned lowly. His hands found their way to your waist again and he pulled you in closer; you gave another roll of your hips, desperate to hear him make that sound again.

“Come on, pretty boy. You asked to ride me,” he released his grip on you and folded his hands behind his head, “so do it.” 

Immediately you started bouncing in his lap, head thrown back as you struggled to control the sounds erupting from your parted lips. It was like Tenya’s words had taken all the breath from you, like he’d made you his personal toy as you followed his instructions with zero hesitation. Your hands found their way to his chest and gripped at his tits. You felt nearly mindless as you chased after your pleasure. In your fucked-out haze, you didn’t notice the way Tenya’s hand found its way in your hair until your face was pulled so it was nearly flush to his.

“There we go, that’s it. You get yourself off on my cock.” What was it about that proper voice that was making your head spin? How could someone so straight-laced have a mouth like this? The very dichotomy of it had you bouncing your hips faster, desperately chasing your release as Tenya panted into your ear.

Suddenly, your hips were frozen mid-bounce. No matter how much you squirmed and mewled, there was no releasing them. After agonising seconds of still, Tenya began rocking his hips up into you, hitting the spot that made you lose what little composure you had.

“Ah- fuck! Tenya-a!” Your cries melted into the walls as the man beneath you refused to let up, bringing you closer and closer to the brink you were so ready to throw yourself off of. Each sentence, each word, each thought you attempted to string together fell apart with each drag of his cock against your walls; you clenched down on him and tried to meet his thrusts with your hips. He laughed mockingly against the shell of your ear.

“You’re so fucking desperate to cum, it’s adorable. If I had known that you turned into a slut after your feeds, I would have offered myself up ages ago,” your legs began shaking with oversensitivity as Tenya threatened to bring you a second orgasm. His thrusts became more erratic as you panted like a desperate puppy. “Fuck, I’m so close, pretty boy. Are you going to let me fill you up again?” You nodded your head desperately. Tenya forced your head to still. “Use your words, pretty boy.”

“Fill me up again, Tenya!” Even with the way your words slurred together, your direction was clear enough. With a few more sloppy and desperate thrusts, he finished inside you, groaning at his eventual release. You followed suit soon afterwards at the warmth inside you.

For a few precious moments, the only sound in Tenya’s office was the ragged breaths shared between the two of you. Tenya slipped out of you slowly and watched as his spend followed his cock out. The feeling of relief was mutual. You climbed off of him and sat next to his head, still not present enough to care much about your state of undress. Tenya finally spoke.

“When do you next need a feed?” You pondered his question for a moment and turned to look at him.

“I need one every week,” doubt crept in to the edges of your mind. Was this him brushing you off? “My blood delivery should be here by then so there’s-” A soft arm chop cut your train of thought off.

“No need, Y/N. I insist that you feed from me next week, just in my own house,” his eyes bore into yours, suddenly serious again. “I refuse to let this be a one-time thing.”

[halogenwarrior]

All of the Animorphs main characters’ stories are very influenced by the dissonance between how they are perceived by the others from their perspectives, and the resulting roles they are fit into vs. their actual complexity, and I think it’s worth talking about Rachel from that perspective for a bit. The read the others tend to have on her character is that she’s ambitious; this incredibly confident, driven person who is dissatisfied with a normal life and just waiting for something better, which the war gives her. Cassie explicitly narrates as much in Megamorphs #4, while Jake says in #22 that she’s found her purpose in the war and he doesn’t know what she would do with a normal life anymore. Though I can’t remember the exact passages, I think the others think similar things of her. But when you actually look into Rachel’s character, you find that what they are misinterpreting as ambition/dissatisfaction with normal life/a desire to change the world and be a hero is actually two separate traits that, when put together in the same person, look a lot like that but aren’t.

First is that she fundamentally is a compassionate, morally dutiful person who feels she has an obligation to sacrifice and avoid the easy route to be good to other people. She doesn’t seek out situations where she will be responsible for many people’s well-being, but once she is there she goes all-in on it. When you compare situations in the book where one of the main characters has made an effort to be kind and do the right thing on a personal level rather than a “well if we save everyone on Earth from being enslaved that helps people by definition” level, she’s really only behind Cassie on this – feeling guilty about letting down Melissa as a friend and then risking her life on a mission to go out of the way to comfort her about her parents in #2, or in #1 when she says she cares about Tobias when he thinks nobody cares about him, even though they barely know each other. 

In comparison, the most Jake has is a vague idea that his goal in life should be to live an average life and “not be a jerk” without any real self-examination of how to do that, Marco is often rude on an interpersonal level and doesn’t seem to care much about being a good friend or giving kindness to someone who needs it, Tobias is more of a loner who is very morally passionate about the greater cause but doesn’t extend it to really being there for other people (this isn’t because he is inherently cruel so much as, when we first are introduced to him, he is barely getting by in life and doesn’t have the energy to try to be a kind, beneficent person on top of that, it’s only the revelation of a greater cause that gives him the motivation to care about something), and Ax, the only one who was in an official military, initially largely outsources his sense of duty to that system and its ethics and doesn’t make much of an effort to be a good person outside of that. 

I get the sense that Cassie and Rachel mutually recognize this quality in each other, and this is the reason for their friendship despite the narrative emphasizing how different they are and how weird it is that they are friends. As mentioned above, Cassie does interpret her as ambitious and “waiting for something else in life”, but she still sees that ambition as being prompted by a kindness and unshakeable desire to do good, as someone who doesn’t fall into the “mean popular kid stereotype” despite her looks and confidence. Meanwhile Rachel, when we see her thoughts about Cassie, similarly appreciates Cassie’s interpersonal kindness and steely resolve to enact it. Each recognizes, despite their many differences, the moral and aspirational idea they aim for in life in each other. Rachel’s manifestation of this trait looks different than Cassie’s. 

The second quality is that Rachel loves, in the moment, the rush of being confident and powerful. It’s something she gets in shopping for clothing and being able to pick out the right deals like a successful predator, and it’s also something she gets in war, in the heat of battle and crushing the enemy. It’s not about adulation (#3 notes with her gymnastics performances that she hates performing in front of a crowd), just the personal feeling of power. The others aren’t wrong that she enjoys battle in a terrifying way they do not, but it’s ultimately driven by a feeling in the moment, not an inborn sense that life is purposeless that leads to seeking out war in the long term. 

These two qualities combine to form a dynamic, a vicious cycle, with the rest of the group. When Rachel encounters something in life she believes is her duty to be a good person and help others, even though she doesn’t seek out such situations to feel special, she throws herself into it wholeheartedly (like as soon as she realizes she’s in a war now, in #4 I believe she changes all the inspirational quotations in her room to things like the Art of War). Combined with her general confidence, this leads to her throwing herself into danger bravely, which the others admire her for, and come to really need her in the role to give them the inspiration to risk their lives and untold horrors, which makes her play even harder into it to fulfill their need (even if she feels it is just a persona, as in #7 with her being “not brave, just blind”). This gets to the point where they, particularly Jake whose job it is to lead, use the others for their roles, and encourage them to keep those necessary roles, will outright discourage her from being anything else or showing any nuance or vulnerability (wee see this in #7 and #27). But the more she throws herself into danger and plays up her fearlessness and love of the fight, the more it triggers her love for the thrill and feeling of power of it which she recognizes is making her into her worst, cruelest version of herself. And the tragedy of it is that normally if she was recognizing she was a bad person in some way, she would stop everything to rectify that (like in #2 when she realizes she hasn’t been there for Melissa and immediately pivots to go as far as to risk torture and death to be there for her). But it’s precisely her commitment to goodness and duty that means she can’t this time, even if she knows the path is turning her into a monster, her friends and humanity as a whole still need her like this.  She is the type of character whose greatest strength is her downfall. This is particularly symbolized with her relationship with Tobias, who due to being a hawk is entirely enveloped in the Animorph life and can’t live “normally”. Every time Rachel goes out of her way to be there for him, she’s separating herself from the life she would want and reinforcing her worst impulses, and sometimes her narration expresses frustration with this, but she can’t turn away because he still needs her. 

And the others, even as they (particularly Jake) are parties to cajoling her into her role… as mentioned before, they don’t quite pick up on this. They mistake the long-term duty to do what’s right even if she absolutely doesn’t want it combined with the short-term thrill once she puts herself into a violent situation as one trait, a pride and ambition to be something greater than her normal life for the sake of glory. And while that combination of traits can look very similar (i.e her identification with hubristic classical heroes in #37), it���s fundamentally not the same, she expresses many times that she wants a normal life in the long term even if she enjoys fighting in the moment. She’s not constantly thinking about changing the world for the better unless the situation forces her into it (look at how she cares so little about politics that she doesn’t even know who her state’s governor is in #51, despite Marco expecting that she absolutely does and will chew him out for not knowing!) In fact, the whole point of #32 is that these are two separate traits, and when they aren’t put together she isn’t capable of the driven nature she normally exhibits, This misunderstanding leads to the others thinking she fully and uncomplicatedly wants all of this. 

It also leads to them underrating her compassion, often acting surprised or disbelieving when she shows it even when it’s not actually all that uncommon. For example, her statement that she cares for Tobias in #1 being followed by Jake’s narration saying that this is unusual for her. There’s also one quote about this I particularly like in #25, near the end when the Venber are killed. Marco’s narration goes  ‘ “Rest in peace”, someone said. It turned out to be Rachel ‘. It’s just one little line, but I find it fascinating how, even though the narrator Marco is attributing the rest of the dialogue completely normally, the idea that Rachel is capable of this solemn compassion is so against the image he has of her in her mind that he isn’t initially able to realize who said this, and that is really telling to Rachel’s dynamic with the rest of the group and how they view her.

Cassie and Rachel’s types of compassion are not the same, and that’s part of why the latter’s isn’t recognizes. Cassie is not just kind but diplomatic and able to keep calm in interpersonal situations, emphatic about the things she cares for most but willing to humble herself to get others on the same page. Rachel, on the other hand, comes from a place of confidence, willing to care but not to bend for others, and also a lot of anger deriving from that duty and compassion – towards those who harm others, like the Yeerks, for example, like in #38 when, realizing the Andalites aren’t coming and there’s no hope, she wants to at least take as many Yeerks down with her as she can and avenge humanity. Cassie, meanwhile, doesn’t let this passion for morality and justice lead her to revenge and instead goes in the opposite direction, seeing no point in killing if there can’t be a direct benefit of saving someone from it. And Rachel can just be plain angry and grumpy for reasons that aren’t about noble compassion, like when she is physically hurt (like #11 when she goes on a rant about the rainforest due to almost being eaten alive by ants). And most ironically, her anger and bitterness grows precisely when she is put in a trap where she can’t be a good person no matter what she chooses, where leaving makes her be uncaring and not doing her duty but staying will gradually turn her into a monster. This can be seen in #27 where her frustration at having to turn down T.T, both for himself and the normal life and escape from her darkest impulses he represents, because she owes it to Tobias, leads to her snapping at him and rejecting him in an especially cruel way, even though internally she feels compassion for him and doesn’t believe what she says. 

And that’s really the core of Rachel’s nightmares and breakdown in #48, and the rage and defiance she feels at Jake in her dreams. It’s not just the surface level of paranoia that her friends see her as a villain and hate her and anger at being controlled when she runs wild. It’s rage at being used as a soldier to fulfill a role, being outright criticized and belittled when she is anything else, and doing so willingly because it’s the right thing to do, only for them to turn around and hate her for the very thing they wanted from her and see her as the ”bad guy of the group” for whom they can separate out all of their criticism of the dirty and immoral parts of war while never questioning their own role in it. It’s a rage she can’t let herself express in waking life because she knows her duty is to follow Jake, but she can definitely have subliminally in a way that shows up in her dreams. And it’s also a fear that whatever her excuses, whatever her intentions, it doesn’t matter because she really is a monster, she really is morally worse than the others, and it’s just pathetic to insist otherwise.

This particularly hurts her with regards to her relationship to Cassie. The thrust of their arc is that, as I said earlier, they start out despite their differences, recognizing the same kindness and unflinching moral conviction in each other as in themselves, but that same conviction leads them on entirely opposite paths. In #19 Rachel expresses frustration with Cassie quitting the team because it shows her worst fear is becoming like Rachel herself – how can Cassie care so much more about feeling for her own sake like she’s a good person than actually doing good in the world, when Rachel would very much want to do the same but is making a huge sacrifice not to, and then look at Rachel like there never was a similarity between them, Cassie was always the only good person and Rachel is revolting? In #48 she keeps telling herself it’s just paranoia, just a dream, just reading too much into it and her friends don’t really hate her, but then in #52 Cassie snapping at her, in Rachel’s mind, shows her worst fears to be true. And I think it’s one of the underrated tragic moments of the series how, when we see Rachel’s perspective facing her death at the beginning of #54, she believes only Tobias will object to Jake sacrificing her because he cares about Rachel. Cassie, she believes, will only be upset because of the emotional impact it will have on Jake having to make such a hard decision. We as readers know this isn’t true; in #53 Cassie’s reaction to finding out what is happening is to be furious at Jake and upset purely about Rachel, and when we see her point of view in #54 she is very much grieving for her. But since Rachel’s last interaction with Cassie was her telling her she’s a horrible person and confirming her fears, that’s what she believes, and Cassie never had a chance to tell her otherwise. Never knowing that the best friend she ever had still cared, had never truly written her off as a lost cause.