#he looked really ugly at many stages and i am very embarrassed

[mapletine]

wing photocard bc i can’t get this au out of my head

[burnedbyshoto]

I really hate you

— Shinsou knows he shouldn’t trust villains. Especially villains who make his mind spin and stomach twist in joy. But there’s something about you that keeps him coming back for more.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

pairing: pro hero!shinsou hitoshi x villain fem!reader

warnings: 18+, smut, a little bit of juicy plot, pro hero!au, reader is a villain, betrayal, biting, marking, collaring, cursing, hate sex, rooftop sex, body liquids, angst

word count: 8,180

a/n: i like deception :) being a chem TA is pretty fun, except when im in lab for 8 am until 4 pm. listen,,, I also really liked this prompt I made last night because the one I had before wasn’t spicy enough for me anymore. I hope you enjoy though! like comment and share for the algorithm (jk been watching too many tikytokys)

kinktober day 8 main kink: collaring

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

When the sun sets, and the moon is high in the sky, and the chill of the bitter cold winds raise ceaseless goosebumps on your arms, and the only people who are up are drunken businessmen and tiresome students, it is a common belief that this is when the freaks come out.

The freaks come out to play at night.

You are one of these freaks.

Heh.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Shinsou nodded at his friends as he walked through the doors of the agency he worked at. Despite the power of his quirks ability, he was an underground hero (unless the ultra-rare occasion where they needed his quirk in the limelight); he was stationed within a large, well-known agency and was one of the founding heroes there at that. His ability to be hidden from the bright lights of the world were both easy and challenging; most of the world knew him as the kid from UA’s Sports Festival that went toe to toe with nearing number one Pro-Hero Deku. It both irked and embarrassed him when that event was brought up; on the one hand, it was true! He had nearly beat Midoriya during that final stage. Yet, on the other hand, their memories seemed to recall some crazy quirk-fueled fistfight where Midoriya had broken his entire body in the duration of their fight. 

‘No,’ he often found himself responding back to the gentlemen and ladies who would awe at his school-day adventures, ‘there was a fistfight, but Midoriya handled it without using his quirk except to snap him out of my quirk.’

They always looked embarrassingly horrified by their faulty memory when they pulled the clip up on Youtube, their bows quick in apology before they made off. 

But people recognizing him from that was rare as it gets, fortunately even with the large agency stapled to his alias, he was quite good at his job—a shadow in the night, an urgent whisper to the villain freaks who roamed the night.

“Ah, Shinsou-chan!” Kaminari pouted, his body draping over his purple-haired friend as Shinsou moved to change from his regular clothes into the black triple-weave kevlar of his hero suit. He had once sported a black cotton-like costume akin to Aizawa, but after many, many gun shootings and stabbing incidents, he figured he needed something sturdier. 

“What is it?” he asked, rising up from his bent position so that Kaminari couldn’t take advantage of his slouched form. 

Shinsou’s tired, purple eyes met the exhausted pair of Kaminari.

“Today was so hard,” Kaminari sighed, his lip still put into the stupid pout, and he slumped onto the bench behind Shinsou. His feet were spread before him, fingers drumming onto his directional equipment. “Since it’s winter, the night comes sooo much earlier now. I swear some weirdos really appear out of the woodworks when the night comes! Like just before I was going to make my way back here, I swear I saw Aizawa-sensei hanging out on the rooftops like some super-secret ninja, right?”

Shinsou frowned. He knew his mentor turned friend was actually on vacation at the moment in Hawaii. Something he thought, at the very least, was long overdue. 

“Aizawa is in Hawaii right now,” Shinsou quickly spoke, his hands buckling the belt on his pants, before moving to lace up his boots. 

“Oh fuck, I told Todoroki he was in Seoul,” Kaminari cursed, the palm of his hand hitting his forehead. 

“Good going, who knows what weird message or gift he’ll end up sending to Aizawa now,” Shinsou couldn’t help the small smirk from spreading on his face at that note.

After being accepted into the Hero Course over in UA, Shinsou couldn’t help but be initially disappointed when he was placed within Class 1-B — Class 2-B at that point — simply because his mentor was with Class 1-A. The initial disappointment didn’t last very long when he got to know the rest of Class 2-B better, and he saw that while 2-A possessed raw talent, 2-B were more well-defined with a much bigger take-no-shit mentality that he appreciated more. That and 2-A were being strangled by a new villain of the month far too often, and Shinsou just wanted nothing more than to graduate from high school. 

Still, his lack of enrollment in Class 2-A didn’t mean that he didn’t see the rambunctious, nearly intolerable group of twenty in class 2-A. As a matter of fact, he thought he saw them a bit more than he’d like. Aizawa was his mentor, so he understood seeing him around, but for some reason, 2-A was never too far away. As soon as Shinsou was admitted into the Hero Course and the two hero classes had weekly meals together, which meant that to him, just the slightest bit, 2-A felt like an unwanted, annoying, ugly stepchild.

So no, Shinsou could not tell you 2-A’s inside class jokes, but he knew a lot more about the forty other hero students than he’d ever like to admit. 

And through his knowledge, he knew that the ever so powerful Todoroki Shouto was an idiot, probably a bigger one than Kaminari.

“I hate that you call Aizawa-sensei just…” Kaminari trailed off, a disgusted shiver running down his spine as if it sickened him to remove the single formality.

“Aizawa,” Shinsou said once more.

“Stop.”

“Aizawa.”

“Hitoshi!”

“Aizawa.”

“PLEASE!”

“Shouta.”

Kaminari hit the floor, his chest heaving with fake, bitter sobs while Shinsou couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of his over-dramatic friend on the ground. He had to admit, Shouta felt weird on his tongue too.

“Stop making a huge deal about how Aizawa and I are closer than you are,” Shinsou half-joked half-told-the-truth.

He was more than well aware of his mentor’s former students trying to become even closer to their beloved homeroom teacher. All doing it in their own ways, all relatively unsuccessful because unknown to them (but not Shinsou), Aizawa already loved them all thoroughly, not that he’ll ever tell them.

“I DIDN’T MEAN TO SHAVE OFF MITTENS FUR!”

Oh yeah, that had lost a lot of love points for Kaminari.

Sighing softly, Shinsou placed his newly replaced coiled capturing weapon around his shoulders, and his artificial vocal cords mask onto his chest until he was off on patrol.

“Why’d you think you saw Aizawa?” he asked again, trying to finish the conversation so that he could leave. It felt like it was going to be a long night if Kaminari confirmed where his thoughts were already trailing. 

“Hm?” Kaminari finally looked up from his puddle of tears on the floor, tears streaking all over his face, small charges of electricity humming off it. He blinked once, twice, his eyes shooting to the ceiling as if the answer was there before his fist came down to hit his open palm in a flash of realization. “Oh, I remember! There was this person, obviously not Aizawa-sensei, standing by the edge of a building watching everyone below. Hair whipping in the wind and his capturing weapon fluttering around them!”

Just as Shinsou thought.

“Where did you see her?”

“Her?!”

“Where, Kaminari?”

“Uh… well, I guess by Gramps convenience store. Don’t tell me this is some super sexy megafan of yours! Wait… do tell me, or… no, I’ll get jealous if you’re having rooftop sex with — eh?! where are you going?! Hitoshi?!”

“My shift started two minutes ago,” Shinsou explained, one of his hands lifting in a wave as he exited the locker room, his heart hammering quickly, knowing just who he was going to need to track down tonight.

…

..

.

It was dark.

Shinsou’s eyes squinting as he hopped from one rooftop onto the other, his capturing device assisting him in clearing the dooming crevice. He wasn’t exactly the most physically threatening, and unfortunately, that also meant he wasn’t exactly the greatest at parkour type movements, although he was getting better. Maybe had he started to ask for earlier shifts, where he would be out when the sun was, he could get better faster.

It was tricky with only the moonlight to guide him, but that’s what he could get at the moment.

As he scuffled through the gravel rooftop of one of the abandoned buildings, Shinsou found himself squinting at the figure in the distance. The one perched near what Kaminari oh so fondly refers to as Gramps convenience store.

He studied the form of the picture still person, noticing if it wasn’t for the slight wind through your hair and twisting capturing weapon around your neck, he would think you’re a statue. But he knows better now, he’s known better for quite some time now. 

“What’re you doing out here, y/l/n?” Shinsou found himself speaking the moment he stepped behind you, hands shoving into his pant pockets.

You didn’t move, nor did you respond, your body still completely still while peering down at the empty world fascinated on who knows what.

“Y/l—”

“How can I help ya, Mindjack-senpai?” you interrupted him, your gaze still not removed from the world below the building. “I hear it’s supposed to be a busy night tonight.”

Shinsou paused, his brows scrunching at your words.

It was plain to see to Heroes that you were a villain, you did what you wanted when you wanted, whatever the price, but if there was one thing Shinsou had learned with this rather weird cat and mouse game the two of you played time and time again was that you didn’t lie. 

What was happening?

“A busy night?” Shinsou questioned, his quirk still unactivated, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to Brainwash an answer out of you anyways. “Where at?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, Mr. Hero?” you teased slowly, and Shinsou had to deny the way that the way your head finally turned to lock eyes with his made his stomach clench.

It meant nothing.

Nothing at all.

“You know what happens when you slight me,” Shinsou couldn’t help but warn, the bandages on his neck rising under his command. But your eyes blinked slowly, lips spreading into a lazy, cunning smile.

“And you know what happens when you underestimate me,” you returned, fingers gliding against his old weapon — yes, old weapon. Just two months ago, just before your last arrest, you had viciously stolen it from him, your foot crushing his vocal cords while you managed to pry the weapon from his broken fingers. “Anyways, Mindjack-senpai, it’s a bit unethical of you, a hero, to be threatening me in such a way! I’m just a poor girl waiting for the love of my life to show up.”

“And have they?”

You blink, a soft giggle escaping your lips as you nod, “I got him right where I want him.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Shinsou snapped despite the lick of warmth against his chest and cheeks. “I’ll have you arrested again.”

Now, this has you turning from the edge of the building, you sit on the ledge of the building, fingers supporting your head as you stare at him without fear. Shinsou really fucking hated how fast you riled him up.

“Arrested? But Mr. Mindjack-senpai, didn’t you know?” you ask, the taunt evident in your voice, the twinkle in your eye devastatingly bright. “I’m a changed woman. I’m what you call a hero now. You wouldn’t arrest an innocent heroine, could you?”

“You’re hardly innocent,” Shinsou responded back smoothly and deftly, not at all yet entirely impressed by you. “I’ll believe it when I see it.” 

He blamed his deep impressions of you on the stupid black and purple attire you wore.

“Well, you know as well as I do that I just got out, but I feel like except what happened two days ago, I’ve really changed,” you emptily promise, pushing off the ledge, sauntering closer to Shinsou until he felt the tip of your nose brush against his. “I’ll make sure to think about you whenever… bad feelings come up.”

He prays you don’t see the scarlet flush on his face.

You’re already back at the ledge when he blinks, and he watches you raise two fingers to your temple in a mock salute as you wink at him.

“You didn’t hear it from me, but two blocks east, seven blocks south from the heart of Tokyo is where you’ll find trouble,” you inform him, dropping the salute as you turn to run.

But Shinsou wants his damn weapon back.

“Y/l/n, wait!”

“Yes—?”

You froze at the ledge, your eyes spacing out, and Shinsou sighed, moving to collect his weapon from you until you suddenly dove off the building, a burst of cheerful laughter on your tongue.

“Oh, I forgot to tell ya!” you screamed from the next building over, your fingers threading through the alloy metal cloths. “I got some earbuds just for when you’re around! They make your voice into electrical signals just for me! So guess what?!”

Shinsou didn’t need you to complete that sentence in order for him to realize what you had just gotten your hands onto.

As long as you wore those, his quirk was useless against you.

Despite knowing that a villain held the key to his demise as a hero, he chuckled, running a hand through his short purple hair.

You really were something.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Shinsou never took himself as an especially suspicious person.

He figured he had days where he was suspicious of some people the correct amount, especially when they had the most painted on emotions he’s ever seen. Some days he was overly trusting and blamed tight smiles on something acute to nerves. Without meaning to brag, he felt like he was healthily suspicious of people, unlike others he knew who wouldn’t dare to interact with anyone new or would spill their darkest secret to anyone who would listen.

But there was something entirely, conspicuously suspicious with how you were behaving.

Winter had long passed, the long winter nights and graveyard shifts of endless freak encounters had worn a hole in his patience and boots. The spring season was beginning to end, and the warm days and nights of summer were setting on his skin.

Six full months of you, the first-ever villain he had fought as a Pro Hero, the first-ever villain to have openly flirted with him and to have him flirt back, being suspiciously… kind. 

Every shift of his, he would find you waiting for him on one of the regular rooftops. Every time he would check in with the database to make sure you weren’t wanted for some crime to find that you were innocent. Every time he would feel pissed off because you wore those earbuds that rendered his quirk useless and you somehow mastered the capturing weapon within weeks.

Now Shinsou didn’t pout, he really didn’t, but there were moments where you would appear from behind him, finger swiping down his spine as you effortlessly twirled around him, a stupid sly grin on your face as you held onto the collar of his hero costume.

“Don’t pout, Mindjack-senpai, I’m here now,” you’d purr each and every time.

He loved the dangerous purr to your voice, the way your eyes hooded over, peering at him through your eyelashes, but he knew better. He had to know better. It wasn’t that villains were terrible people per se; he’d learned a lot of villains were just thoroughly sick of being mistreated (and he had wondered what would have happened if he had been denied from UA… would he be one?). He knew that for the most part, you were quite harmless, merely sticking your nose where it didn’t belong, living a life to your personal laws and rules.

It didn’t make you evil, merely dangerous.

But he had a job to do where even if it was justifiable to beat the ever-living shit out of your sister's abuser, nearly murdering him in rage and refusing to calm down when Shinsou had arrived on the scene with the use of his quirk didn't hold up well in court. It had started this long chain of events where you had absolutely hated him for a time as you were forced to stay overnight in a jailhouse. And many horrible days afterward where you performed what Shinsou had thought to be illegal actions only to find that no, they weren’t. As a matter of fact, entirely legal because Japan had yet to update their codes. 

Long after he had discovered this, you had returned to actual crime, your physical ability growing by leaps and bounds as he ran after you after catching you doing something dangerously illegal. Shinsou was a proud hero and was incredibly proud of the impact he made as a Pro Hero, but it was clear as day, even to him, that he often let you slip through his fingers. Like a child opening their cupped fingers and wondering why the water had left.

He wasn’t sure what it was about you that made him act this way, but he certainly didn’t wish to find out.

“So what’s on the schedule today, Mindjack-senpai?” you asked, appearing from the shadows of the rooftop, not scaring Shinsou in the slightest as this was always where you greeted him. “Are we saving the Prime Minister today? Stealing — I mean, protecting those stupid bedazzled eggs in the museum? Perhaps solving an unsolvable case?”

“Smooth,” Shinsou snarked, his tired purple eyes piercing through your bright ones that seemed undoubtedly excited. “How many times do I gotta tell you that there aren't that many actual case assignments? Besides, most team-ups happen in the morning when I’m asleep.”

“Being a hero is so boring!”

“You’re not a hero.”

“Am too!” Shinsou snorted, turning on his heel and began walking away, listening to your footsteps running after him to keep up with his long paces as you cried that out.

“No.”

“Yes!”

“No.”

“Yes!”

Shinsou stopped, his eyebrow raised in slight forced annoyance but much more amusement, when you spun in front of him, hand on his chest, cheeks puffing with your heavy breathes.

“Look!”

Tilting his head back, Shinsou grunted when your phone was shoved in his face. “What is this?”

“Hero Commission Regulation Handbook, page fifty-four, Article three, sub-article twenty-three,” you chirped, turning your phone back to yourself so that you may read it correctly. “It states that besides attending hero school like a bunch of nerds, civilians have the option of securing internships with approved Pro Heroes and work side by side with them for six months! Once finishing their internships, said Pro Hero must simply sign my licensing papers and bam, a hero I’ll become.”

“And which sniveling hero did you get to do your dirty work?” Shinsou scoffed, not at all buying the notion that you of all people wanted to become a hero. A vigilante at best, an anti-hero much more realistically, and staying a villain as default.

“You,” you smirked, winking at him before turning on your heel and sauntering off, knowing full well the patterns of his routines. 

Shinsou sighed, but he let a familiar smirk fall on his face as he walked after you, enjoying the way you glanced back at him with your wide clear eyes. But that suspicious, gut feeling didn’t leave his core, no matter how sweet and beautiful he found your smile. 

“So, Mindjack-senpai, who are we apprehending today?”

“You want me to sign your paper this entire time, and you’ve been addressing me as senpai?” Shinsou commented, his weapon shooting off to a nearby building, snapping straight in his hand when it was ready. “Where are your manners? It’s Mindjack-sensei to you.”

He didn’t wait for your response, choosing to swing off the ledge of the building with no hesitation, but a part of him wished he could have heard the sound of your laugh he only seemed to hear through the streaming, far away air.

…

… 

While usually, Shinsou didn’t have actual cases during his patrols, this job, after all, was much more spontaneous than anything else, today was different.

Today was different altogether, really.

First off, he showed up to work when the sun was still up just to get his meeting intel down in time for him to be out on the scene in time. He had nodded plenty, silently taking in Creati’s information on the drug cartel they wanted to in the next few weeks take down for numerous charges. The creation of dangerous, illegal drugs, prostitution rings, robbery, and murder being the main ones. It was some bigger stuff, so they needed all the evidence they could get.

Shinsou stared at the faces of the more prominent names of the cartel, studying every crook, nanny, and scar on their faces as Creati simply ended with where they focused down onto where their drug creating facilities were at, but still needed confirmation. “They’re pretty difficult to get to without knowing where they are,” Creati admitted, handing him a GPS. “You’ll need this.” He would be the first to start evidence gathering; after all, his old classmates would begin tomorrow.

So he had left, going to the first hideout and finding out it was completely empty. Not a single spec of evidence remaining, not a secret door or trap to get him to where they could be hiding from sight.

So was the next.

And the next.

And the next.

Something sat weirdly in his stomach as he began walking towards the final one on his list, and he froze when he saw lights shifting and moving from around the building. Quickly, Shinsou hopped to higher grounds, his phone already out, ready to take pictures. He lay low to the rooftop, practically army crawling to get to place to place as he neared the windows on the rooftop, allowing him to peer in onto the building he was scouting to find precisely what he needed. 

The entire building was a drug production spot.

His eyes scanned the building floor, singling out ten of the twelve main heads on the cartel, and he smirked. Perfect.

“Whatcha doing here, Mindjack-sensei?” your voice whispered millimeters from his ear, and Shinsou bit his tongue harshly to keep the instinctual scream from ruining his covert operation.

He snapped his head over to you, eyes slightly furious, eyebrows knitted tightly as he looked to see you leaning toward him. You were in a different outfit today, completely black, drowning you out in the night. He blinked; even the capturing weapon he had still been unsuccessful in stealing back from you was pitch black.

“What’re you wearing?”

“Do you like it?” you asked, straightening up and twirling for him as if you were wearing a magnificent dress and not personally created ‘hero’ clothes. “Ah, I hoped you would! Sorry, I had to get rid of the purple. I just felt it made me look too cute, right? I know I can’t have villains falling for me like you had me falling for you!”

Shinsou did not blush, no he didn’t, “shut up.”

“So what are we looking for today?” you asked, pressing down onto the floor beside him. Your arm touching his as pressed your face towards the glass. “Is this a stakeout?”

“Less stakeout, more information gathering,” Shinsou grumbled, typing some needed notes onto a file on his phone. It seemed to him that there was plenty here for the drug making charges. “We’re trying to get their bigger names caught in the action.”

“Oh, I thought heroes just burst in whenever they wanted, that’s what they do in the movies. Plus, you always threaten me with being arrested with no evidence,” you giggle, shifting closer to the glass, smile wide on your face.

“After saying that, say goodbye to me signing off that paper of yours,” he grunted, slipping his phone back into his pocket while you scrunch your nose at him. Shinsou couldn’t help but stare at you as the palms of your hands supported your chin as you hummed some song he couldn’t recognize.

“Ne, Mindjack-sensei, did you get the big boss?” you asked, your finger pressed against the cold glass, and Shinsou frowned, returning his head to the glass.

Right where you were pointing was, in fact, the head of the cartel. He was horrendously scrawny, holding no sense of fear or malice, and Shinsou wondered what his quirk could be that he was in charge of an operation such as this one.

“Oh, his right-hand man came too! All twelve are here!” you cheered quietly as Shinsou took documentation on his phone, and that suspicious rock in his stomach finally made sense at this second.

“Y/l/n?” he asked, head turning toward yours, tired eyes glinting with emotions he didn’t know how to handle.

“Mhm?”

“How did you know there were twelve main members, and how’d they look like?”

Silence.

Shinsou’s lips pulled back into a snarl, his canines glinting as he locked eyes with yours that were wide with shock and disbelief.

“How’d you find me—?”

He watched you lean away from the glass, fingers shooting to your earpieces. And with the inkling of suspicion sprinting through his veins, the purple-haired hero still found that he moved too slow. 

BOOM!!!!

He blacked out when his body flew with the explosion.

...

..

.

Ringing.

Pain.

Numbness.

Shinsou could only hear ringing in his ears as soot and ashes fell down from the sky, falling on his body, coating his gaping, open mouth as he tried to breathe, trying to calm himself. Was he bleeding? Was he dying? Where was the explosion from? Were you okay?

His eyes blinked heavily, altogether so irregularly that Shinsou couldn’t help but feel he was out of his body when you reappeared in his sight. Your hand pressing to his cheeks sympathetically, eyes truly hurt as you shook your head, hand grabbing into his bloodied pocket to take his phone.

“I’m sorry,” your voice seemingly whispered, just loud enough for him to hear you through the ringing from the explosion. “You weren’t supposed to be here, Mindjack… these are the scumbags that hurt my friends and family. I couldn’t let them live. Plus… I didn't have a choice, they were competition.”

He spluttered, the warm goo of blood and saliva choking out of his mouth as he convulsed on the ground, his eyes watching as you went.

“See you later, hero.”

He tried to yell at you to come back, that you were a coward, a fucking menace that he would destroy the next time he saw you, but his voice failed to work. Nothing was working except his pain receptors, his heart that kept shoving blood into his lungs that he kept spitting up, but he saw flashing white and red lights as unconsciousness sank its jagged teeth into his neck.

An ambulance was here.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

It took four months to recover from the accident.

His hearing had been fucked up. Not even medical quirks had managed to save his hearing entirely. But hey, it did get him the chance for Bakugou Katsuki to come to his room, called him pathetic, and showed off his own hearing aid that he had needed since his quirk had damaged his own hearing. Not to mention that for the past four months, he had been teaching him sign language just in case.

He wasn’t alone, it seemed.

But it was four months, and he had recovered fully.

The hearing aid he required in his left ear still made his ear ache in pain, and he found that he liked it much better shoved in the back of a draw than anything else. But he knew it was dangerous to be a hero without his full hearing. If it hadn’t been for Bakugou’s trial through this all and the help of Hatsume Mei to create a more appropriate hearing aid for heroes, he wasn’t sure if he would still be here — working that is.

But today — or well, night — was a new day, and he was going to push ahead. He could do this, no sweat, no problem. 

Well, that was until an all too familiar figure sat perched on a ledge on his usual route, legs swaying in the air as uncontrolled rage bubbled in his chest. It wasn’t entirely your fault, but a large part of Shinsou was embarrassed to have been caught up in all of this because of you. He had trusted you above all else even when his instincts yelled at him not to because he knew what it was like to be painted as a villain, and he had hoped by letting you in more, you would have changed. He thought you had.

But you hadn’t.

Not one bit.

…

…

You sat at the edge of the building, already having heard the loud crunch of Shinsou’s shoes against the gravel rooftop, but you didn’t turn around. You didn’t know how to face him, how to tell him that you were both sorry that he got caught up in your schemes, but that you weren’t sorry for what you had done. Those bastards had it coming.

“Give me one good reason not to push you off the building,” Shinsou growled, probably much louder than he intended. 

Instead of answering, you shrugged.

You hadn’t brought the earbuds that would keep you from being immune to his quirk, and you slightly feared what would happen if you gave in to the whispers of his words. Would you blackout in a daze before coming back to normal only when placed in the prefectures jail? Would he actually attempt to kill you? You had no idea.

But you turned on the ledge, looking at his tired purple eyes that shook with his anger and betrayal. You had done a number on him.

“So, now you can’t seem to respond back to me?” he laughed bitterly, his teeth bared into a way too fierce smile, one that made your heart thump and sent a shiver down your spine. “What game do you think you’re playing?”

You still didn’t answer as you planted your feet back onto the rooftop and stood up, watching as his binds flared to life. Dancing and weaving around him in a dangerous coil of fabric, like a frilled dragon lion lizard extending its skin in a warning.

“Should’ve taken you down with that first time I found you,” he spat, his eyes narrowing as you took steps toward him, and the weapon seemed to snap at you. “Did your sister pull the same bullshit on him as you did me? Is that why he became ‘psycho?’”

Now that one nearly got the response out of you as fury thrummed through your veins as you were suddenly nose to nose. You couldn’t help it, but you knew there was no point in explaining your reasoning for doing what you did because he would never understand; he couldn’t. 

So as his eyes flashed dangerously from your eyes, his breathing coming down harshly against your upper lip, the hatred he had for you (that was probably reignited from a year ago and make it double) simmered between the air between you and him. You couldn’t resist.

Your lips pressed against his in a simmering hot kiss. 

Shinsou shoved you away, as quickly as you had pressed your mouth against his, but you were back on him before he could utter a word. Only that this time, he kissed you back with scalding, burning heat. 

You never really knew how much smaller you were to Shinsou until you were on the tips of your toes to kiss him, his hands practically burning you as they gripped onto your hips, pulling you so close there was hardly any room to breathe. His kiss was hateful, spiteful, and full of unspoken passion the two of you had never addressed during the period that was good. It had been so good, but he was a hero, he would never understand.

His teeth bit harshly onto your lower lip, and you hissed, your fingers burying into his hair and tugging at the root of his hair as his tongue came and pressed dangerously against yours. His tongue was hot against yours, he was undoubtedly much more hotblooded than you were, and with his emotions heightened, he exhausted what. 

Tongues clashed against one another, but it wasn’t even a battle of dominance; it was a battle to find who surrendered. There was to be no joy or excitement for whichever tongue prevailed, just the burning of the tears falling down your face and the acid taste on your tongue as he suckled on your pink muscle.

Your eyes were partially opened, watching his angry yet blank purple eyes meet yours, neither one of you allowing yourself to give in to the pure elation and sensation this was bringing. No, he wouldn’t allow it, and you wouldn’t have it.

The stubble of his beard scratched into your skin repetitively, feeling like sandpaper against your own skin as the kiss deepened, consuming the both of you on a whole new level as your crotches ground roughly against one another. Hisses and groans couldn’t stop pouring from your collective mouths, both of you hating yet craving more from this all. You couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if he spoke to you like this, would he do something to you while you were like this? So when his massive, thick hand made contact with the underneath of your ass, scooping up your leg so that your covered cunt could now correctly grind into his hard cock, the weapon you stole from him a year ago bound around his neck, choking him, collaring him.

“I like my bitches chained up,” you mocked against his lips, but somehow, someway, Shinsou liked it. 

You groaned loudly at the way Shinsou gasped for air against the makeshift collar, your grin widening as you nodded your head, pulling away from his mouth as the grin became a smirk. “Didn’t think you wanted to talk when we were fucking?” you lied, teeth biting onto his lower lip and sucking on it as your hips oh so artfully bucked against his covered cock. You could feel the growing slick in your panties beginning to feel uncomfortable with the lack of proper friction, and your head lolled backward when he slammed your core against his, devilishly grinding against you.

He picked up your other leg and dropped the both of you to the floor, the uncomfortable gravel stone floor digging painfully into your back, but you could care less. Shinsou’s mouth was already back on your body, scratchy, scraping kisses placed on your neck, making you moan out, legs wrapping around his waist as you cant your hips upward to grind into him.

Unamused with the lack of his hands on your body, you took his arms that were planted at your shoulders and pressed his heavy palms on your breasts, avoiding the pissed look in his eyes as his teeth marked you painfully. You actually shrieked in pain. The feeling of his teeth tearing through the skin on your neck, while his finger kneaded and pulled at your covered breasts. It was unashamedly painful with how he played with your breasts. He seemed to grow happier with every sound of distress you made.

Fisting your hands back into his hair, you pulled him back to your face level, your eyes fluttered at the way his clothed erection carded perfectly between your sopping wet cunt. Blood stained his mouth, making his teeth slightly orange in tint, and you clicked your teeth in partial anger and pain as your neck throbbed. Slamming your lips back against his, you almost gagged at the taste of iron that soared through your senses as his tongue wasted no time to seek yours out. His lips and fingers were so ardent, manipulating your every body movement, cry of pain and pleasure as thrumming hatred for the stupid, stubborn hero above you still coursed through your veins. 

Sweat began to form at your temples as your lips gilded against his, your hips snapping up to meet his grinding hips, and an airy response keened from his mouth as you moaned loudly.

His incessantly grinding hips were making your legs shake with stimulation, your whines and whimpers for more opening like a flood gate as you finally stuck a hand between the two of you and shoved his pants to his knees. You dropped your legs from around his waist, and he assisted you in ripping your pants off from one side of your body, the fabric still clinging to your right leg, but you could hardly care. All you wanted was for him to plant his cock into your blazing heat and to fuck you, to claim you here on this rooftop that started and would end it all. You wanted him, his cock, and him.

“Fuck me,” you begged into his ear, and his back shivered with your words. You hooked your leg around his waist, carding his hot, throbbing cock against your soaked pussy, as you rolled your hips. “I want you to fuck me, fill me with his cock, and cum deep within me to show me just how much you fucking hate me.”

You cried out when his hand shot down to his cock to line it up with your squeezing, dripping hole, his mouth once again covering yours, kissing you aggressively, fueled with an emotion you could taste as bitter hatred. Your legs trembled as the tip of his cock continued to press against your entrance, not entirely entering it, not giving you friction to send you into a euphoric end. You could help the snarl that passed through your lips, your eyes angry beyond repair as the head of his cock continued to deny you. Whenever you tried to grind down, to force your walls around his cock, he went down with you, he wouldn’t allow it, and your cunt clenched against nothing as he gave you nothing.

Shinsou wheezes out a bitter chuckle, his hand raising his cock from between your soaked folds to slap his heavy, thick, and long length against your throbbing clit.

Hatred and desire soak your body, and you needily rub your clit against his cock, your hands shoving up his shirt to feel the scarred pattern of his back as you give him new ones that were produced by your nails.

“Don’t tease me, hero,” you snapped, fingers tearing into his skin to draw blood. “You fuck my pussy so good, right now, or I promise next time you’ll go out with that bomb too.”

That seems to do what you want because before those words settle on your nerves. His cock penetrates deeply within you, bottoming out entirely as your head thrashes back against the gravel of the floor, throbbing pain from that entirely ignorable because fuck, his cock was stretching you out. He was so thick, so fucking veiny that you could feel the pulsating veins on his cock pressing against your puffy, sensitive walls. You scream his name as the pleasure-filled pain pulses within you, your hips thrashing, wildly bucking in your attempt to calm from the sudden placement of his cock.

“Why are you so fucking big?” you splutter, a whining pitch to your voice as you clawed at his back, trying to separate your joined bodies but also trying to get even closer. “It’s so big, my walls feel like! Oh fuck, Shinsou, it feels like Imma split in two!”

It seems that Shinsou holds some great pride over those worse, because he growled deep in his chest, and his hips begin to fuck into you. It sends your hands to the base of his neck, clutching onto his skin with hope as you scream in pleasure, eyes rolling to the back of your head as the wet squelches fill the air and tickle your ears. The head of his cock keeps dragging against your spongy wall, brushing over your g-spot over and over again as if he knew where it was, as if it was common knowledge as he fucked you further into the gravel floor. It didn’t even hurt anymore, your skin singing with joy as his cock fucked you stupid.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck me!” you whined, and Shiinsou made an approving noise. 

He grunts as your cunt flutters and clenches around him, his balls hitting your skin in possibly bruising force and speed. And his pelvis crashing against your stings ever so slightly, but has you begging for more, sobbing for more.

Your vulgar words and moans are unstoppable at this point, your legs and thighs trembling as they are still circled around him, sometimes assisting you in coming up to meet his driving, drilling hips. You whine into his ear, your mouth pressing blind and sloppy kisses against his slick with sweat neck.

It’s when both his hands bring your hips up to him, his cock finally bottoming out entirely within you, does the most primal moan rip through your mouth. You convulse underneath him, trying to move as the head of his cock buries against your cervix, poking your womb with power and speed that has you swearing behind the blackness of your vision that this sensation brings. You can see the entire galaxy, the world lighting up when his cock leaves the thin wall, and you gasp, shocked that the heat and slick of your cunt is still going. You tremble underneath him, wordless cries pittering from your mouth while he bites on your earlobe.

You soon readjust to the numbing pleasure, the bruising pleasure, and pain that comes with his cock slamming against your cervix. The way that he thrusts up into you, stretching out your walls far more than you were ever used to.

 A pathetic cry escaped your lips when he rolled over so that you were now on top, your body bouncing as soon as it could against him. You keened and whined, feeling the top of his cock licking your cervix, and you spluttered.

“Fuck this angle, this angle and your cock!?” you stammered, fists curling into his collar as you rode him, his hips snapping up into yours with that same animalistic power and speed.

His pace is irreplicable, near maddening with every successive thrust of his hips. Each snap, each wet noise sends you close to the edge, your inner walls clenching and milking his length with greater power as your senseless cries fill the night sky. His grip on your waist will leave purple bruises later tonight, you just know it, but the fire in his eyes as you lock fazes is enough for you to be okay with it.

Its intensifying, deepening, fire erupting in your core as your cunt throbs.

Sweat, tears, and spit fall from your face, and Shinsou surges upward, kissing you with everything he can. It's a maddening escape of lust and need and hatred being exchanged, saliva spreading between you, covering your hot faces with slimy coldness, But you keep him close, your mouth drinking him in more, begging for more as your tongue sinks into his mouth.

His fingers rake down from your back. Past the curve of your clapping ass and onto your powerful thighs that helped in your action to claim his cock. Your joined mouths, both parted in silent screams, wordless begs for more, branding curses that spoke of his hatred for you, your hatred of his job.

Fuck this, fuck that, fuck, fuck, “fuck!”

You held each other impossibly close. Despite the barriers of shirts and armor separating your chests, you swore you could feel his hammering heart flush against your chest. A steady, consistent beat reminding you that this was a one-time thing, that this was yet another bomb with only one explosion to it.

“S-Shit!” his voice finally managed to escape from the makeshift collar, and you nearly sobbed at the sound of his gravelly, husky voice. 

You still hated him, you really hated him and his stupid deep voice. 

Your back arches as the control you had on collar suddenly slacks, as if you had never had it there, and his own noises of sex, of hatred, of pleasure fill and echo in your ear. You can hear him mumbling something in your ear, your head pathetically nodding, tears streaming down your face only you can’t seem to figure out why. The throbbing pressure in your stomach made you near uncomfortable as his cock sank and disappeared from your cunt, your walls' vice grip becoming tighter and tighter and tighter.

There’s vigor, untapped lust, pent up frustration as he rolls you both around, pushing you back into the gravel and dives his length into your wet, loud cunt without mercy. You were overworked, over thrilled, the pressure of your coming orgasm snapping into your every fiber of your being, your toes curling, and drool seeping from your lips as he growled. 

The noise seemed to resonate deeply in your own chest, and he pressed his sweaty forehead against yours, pathetic, needy noises escaping your lips as you stared into his angry, lusting eyes. And as he buried his teeth into your bottom lip, his nose scrunched in an aggressive snarl, he spoke with finality:

“Cum.”

You weren’t sure if you had suddenly fallen under the persuasion of his brainwash, or he just knew you were overfilled with pressure, but you went rigid in his hold, your eyes rolling backward, and your vision going white. You came in powerful waves, electric stimming vibrating through your entire body as your spongey, wet walls clamped around him, and Shinsou came in a guttural groan. His hips snapping into your with five last, robust, resounding thrusts until your trembling abdomen and thighs were stilled with his crushing weight.

 You could feel his hot cum pulsing and thriving deep within your cunt, and you panted heavily, your body feeling alarmingly weak as the both of you lay there. A puddle of cum, tears, drool, pain, longing, and hatred.

He lays on top of you, his chest heaving with his breathing, and you felt frozen beneath him. The pain of the gravel roof no longer adds to your pleasure but rather is stabbing you in pain. It’s quiet as you lay there.

He’s quiet.

You’re silent.

“Why’d you do it?” he asked suddenly, interrupting the silence that you hated.

“I can’t tell you,” you admit, voice thick and heavy with untold emotions.

“You know I’ll have to arrest you, right?” Shinsou spoke softly, but he didn’t move to capture you, and you didn’t move to run.

What was the point? It wasn’t as if there was ever a fighting chance for the both of you. The world would have never allowed it, so why bother?

“I don’t think you hate me enough to arrest me right now, sleep on it,” you softly chided, your eyes staring up into the universe, begging to know why they made you a freak?

“Not right now, you spent all my energy,” Shinsou admits, rising up from you, his soft cock removing itself from your humming core, and you looked away to keep from staring. “I really hate you though, y/l/n. I don’t like liars or pretenders.”

“Convince your cock of it next time,” you couldn’t help but fire back, your upper lip curling in your anger and hatred at the sound of his zipping pants.

Silence and a beat follow your words.

“I’ll tell you this now,” Shinsou spoke, turning on his heels, his tone was cold, distant, like a stranger who could care less for you. “Don’t let me see you again. If I do, I promise you, I’ll send your ass to Tartarus. We’re no longer on good terms.”

Anger, hatred, and fury course through your veins as you stand up, legs weak, but spirit wounded as you pull up your pants, uncaring of his cum leaking from your slit. 

“Don’t you dare show your face to me again! Next time I won’t save your fucking ass when I blow something up!” you snapped, the tears running down your face uncontrollable although your voice never gave it away. It didn’t have to though, he turned around one last time, and his eyes met yours, and the two of you glared and simmered. 

But, he didn’t bother to respond back as he disappeared into the shadows of the night sky.

You collapsed onto your knees, exhaustion finally catching up with you, and you realized his capturing weapon you had stolen was finally taken back by the rightful owner. You fell forward, the tears and silent sobs muffled by your bitten lip as you stayed on that rooftop for an hour. Crying like a freak.

Truth be told, you weren’t even sure if you ever hated him.

...

..

.

Incoming Text…

Incoming Text…

New Text Message Received!

From Unknown:      ↳ Good job, y/n. Phase one is complete.

[moondustis]

killjoy (m)

pairing: johnny + reader genre: angst, smut, band!au / word count: 4,7k  summary: He looks at you with his dark eyes and as his hand run lazily on your thigh you realize that Seo Johnny is a demon. A demon messing with your head and you’re letting him. warnings: age difference, kind of asshole johnny, mentions of drinking and drug use, intoxicated sex (both people)

The first time you see him you’re too drunk to stand still and you’re high off something that you can’t remember exactly what it is. 

It was a sketchy bar, filled with college students that just wanted to do something to take their minds off stressful lectures and exams, and Doyoung had brought you to it to celebrate something about an internship that you also can’t remember quite exactly after your sixth shot of the night. He, as a good roommate, had paid for all of them so you weren’t afraid to go all out.

The him in question was Seo Johnny. You don’t know that the first time you see him, of course, but here’s what you know:

He’s in the band, called The Killjoys, that is performing tonight at the bar and they are currently playing some weird indie rock song that is pleasant enough and suits the whole alternative kid atmosphere. He’s the drummer and he moves with such ease that you can’t look away from his hands. Lastly, he’s so beautiful, even with hair covering his eyes, that you wouldn’t mind getting on your knees for him.

Your mind is spinning and your vision blurry when you look at him, almost shining and moving so fast you feel like you’re dreaming. That’s the last thing you remember when you wake up with your head pounding and on the couch.

✱

The second time it happens, you know you’re going to see him. Had invited Doyoung to the bar again for this very purpose. 

The thing is, you are not an obsessive person, not at all. But once something got into your mind, it was a little hard to just drop it. And it's not hard at all to find out that the band played on the sketchy bar every friday night, an ugly flyer posted to their instagram page tells you that. So what else were you supposed to do but put on your best short dress and drag your best friend slash roommate along to your impending downfall? 

The lights in the bar are dim, a few red ones swirling around near the stage  in a cheesy way. It’s more crowded tonight than it was that day, probably something to do with spring break approaching but that's the last thing on your mind as you scan the room looking for something that you know exactly what it is. Doyoung gives you a weird look as he hands you a beer. 

Now, a disclaimer. All of this will sound like you are some silly girl with a crush but that's not what you are. What you are is a girl with a purpose, or at least that's what you tell yourself for comfort. But you believe in going for what you want, even if it is a cute boy you saw once and had to see again. 

The band comes on stage one hour after your arrival and you’re literally shaking from excitement, or the three beers you had, when you see him take his seat by the drums. The song starts and you’re tipsy, mind so clouded that it feels like a scene from a movie with his hands moving fast as another dude sings about some girl that broke his heart. He has a gentle face you think for a second, and whatever girl made him sad was probably mean.

“That’s my friend Taeyong.” Doyoung says excitedly close to your ear but you don’t really pay attention to it at first. “On the keyboard.” 

When it finally dawns on you, your mind feels like it’s swirling. “Oh my god, what? Do you know the rest of the band?” Your voice is just shy of being desperate.

“Not really, but we can go talk to him after they’re done if you want.” He offers but there's a look on his face that tells you he knows exactly what's going on in your mind. Again, it wasn't hard to know when you had such a clear goal.  You’re nodding excitedly even before he finishes talking.

You finish your last beer as the last song is ending, as if to gather some confidence and Doyoung assures you that you look fine when you ask him, but you can’t help but run your fingers through your hair for the fifth time. 

The introductions are simple, Doyoung hugs Taeyong like he hasn’t seen him in ages but they banter playfully as if they have been friends for a while. Then proceeds to tell them about how you two met in high school and became so close that being roommates was just a natural choice. You keep your eyes on Johnny the whole time and he seems bored, like he wants to leave already.

That’s what he does when Doyoung starts talking to Taeyong exclusively. moving from the crowd and you follow him.

✱

The outside of the club is mostly dark, the only light coming from a streetlamp that flickers every now and then. It’s too cold to be here now, your bare legs protesting at your dumb decision of wearing a dress this short. Theres a feeling in your stomach that this would not be the first dumb decision you make tonight.

Johnny lets his back press against the wall, hand disappearing inside his pocket and retreating with a pack of marlboros and a lighter, because of course he had to smoke. You shiver a little from the cold air. 

“You don’t look old enough to be in a bar, pretty girl.” He says, lighting up the cigarette in his hand and bringing it to his lips. The pet name makes your legs feel like jelly at the same time it makes you cringe. 

“Well, I am.” Barely, but still, you are.

“Oh, really?” His voice is teasing, like he doesn’t believe you. “How old are you then?”

He moves closer to where you are standing next to the door, your own back pressed against the wall. When his eyes meet yours with an eyebrow raise you don’t look away. “I’m nineteen.” It makes him scoff.

“That makes me almost 8 years older than you.” He says, the traces of laughter on his lips. “What are you? Fresh outta high school or what?”

You watch as he takes a drag of the cigarette, holding the smoke for a couple of seconds before letting it out in the cold air. The smell doesn’t bother you that much you realize. “I graduated two years ago.” Is your reply and he just hums, like there’s nothing he can add to that. It makes you antsy and a little annoyed. “What are you an asshole or what?”

That makes him laugh out loud. “You're funny.”

You give him a fake laugh at that as he continues to smoke, eyes fixed on you as you watch his tattooed hand bring the cigarette to his lips. It’s quite embarrassing, really, how you just met Johnny today and barely exchanged words with him, but there’s already a tingle of excitement inside of you when his eyes run through your whole body. Is almost as if he’s pondering what he should do. Doesn't help that his confidence is as hot as it makes your blood boil in an unpleasant way. 

“Well, are you just gonna stare at me while I smoke?” He asks cockily.

“You could offer me one then.” You don't even smoke, but that's the coolest thing you think of saying. 

“Ha! I don't think I should be indulging you in that.”

“Why not?” 

“Smoking is bad for you.” He says in a funny voice and you scoff again. How many times exactly is this dude trying to make you do that.

“Wow, how much more patronizing can you get?” That makes him laugh again. 

He watches you for a moment, taking another drag of his cigarette. It feels like he's analyzing you, thinking of what else to say to get under your skin and a part of you hopes it's a good one. What is it about bantering that just made a thrill go through your body? Maybe it was the fact that nothing that came easy was as good as the things that took a little pushing.

“I think you came outside for something but here you are still watching me.” Is what he decides on saying, again with the teasing voice but now cuter as if to annoy you further. It only makes you smirk.

“We could be doing something else.” You suggest, maybe too confident and he lets out a raspy incredulous  laugh as if he can’t believe your nerve.

“You really are something else.” He finishes the cigarette then, throwing it in the ground and stepping on it with his black vans.

Your breath hitches when he moves even closer to you, a tiny smirk on his lips. You can smell the tobacco on him and you don’t know if you are dizzy from the drinks you had or from the proximity. Your hands go to his shoulders when he stands in front of you and it makes him laugh. “You want me to kiss you?” It’s embarrassing how your head moves quickly with a nod, a small smile on your lips. So embarrassing that your face gets warm and you can do nothing but stare at him. “But you look so cute, angel. I don’t think your little virgin ass could handle it.”

He’s so close that you could just do it yourself. The hand he has on one of your thighs, drawing little circles, makes you shiver and you probably look pathetic right now, eyes pleading as he hovers over you. “I’m not a virgin.” You bite back and he has the nerve to laugh again, that’s all he seems to do.

“Aren’t you grown up, huh? Still, girls like you always get too attached.” He slaps your thigh softly and then moves away from you. You wish you could punch the perfect smile on his face, want to scream in frustration at his teasing, You’re not underage, not an innocent little thing so you don’t understand why he’s denying you. Why he’s playing this stupid game of going back and forth for nothing. “You should go for someone closer to your age. I’m sure Mark, or I don't know... Jaehyun would die to get into your panties.”

Then he opens the door and gestures for you to get inside the club again.

✱

If you look at the bigger picture there is the thing you should have done and the thing you do. The thing you should’ve done is forget about it and continue to live your life peacefully. And you do that for two weeks in total. But after those two weeks you get bored, and in your defense you’re stubborn, like a challenge maybe a bit too much. So you find yourself at the club again, alone this time and with a shot of tequila running through your system.

After the band performs you move quickly, congratulating the boys like you've actually known them for more than a day and replying casually when they ask about Doyoung. Then you are eyeing Johnny for a good minute, him smiling at you knowingly, before you’re moving to chat with Mark.

And Mark, bless his soul, he’s so sweet it could make your teeth rot. You are not the most experienced at his, but you know by now what a guy looks like when he's flirting and Mark goes all out with it in his own shy manners that make you want to have fun with him. He calls you pretty, blushes when you call him handsome, asks if you want to get high and tells you about the band in an excited way. He's fun, someone that you would genuinely want to befriend and share a joint with, and in the back of your drunk mind you have half a mind to feel guilty about what you are doing. 

But here’s probably a reason why you do all of it, a very stupid one, but still a reason. Why you chose one of the shortest skirts you own to come tonight, why you laugh and touch Mark more than necessary when he tells you an unfunny joke. Why you grab Mark’s hand and drag him to the dance floor with him weakly protesting and blushing at your forwardness. 

You hate the song that’s playing, something that plays all the time on the radio, but still you let Mark move his hands to your hips as you dance, almost grinding against him. Johnny is watching you, standing next to the bar with a glass of something in his hand, and it makes your insides tingle, like you achieved something. You’re not sure what you expected from this,. for him to be jealous or just to get his attention, but the way he’s looking at you dance while he downs his drink is enough for you.

You don’t expect Mark to kiss you but you still let him. His hands move to the back of your neck as he eyes you with care, pupils blown for the alcohol that you can taste on him when he kisses you. His lips are soft as they move against yours and not for the first time tonight you feel guilty for using him like this, because it feels nice enough to have your head cloudy.  

But it's short lived and when the kiss ends you can see Johnny smirking as you look behind Mark, his eyes still on yours as he raises one eyebrow when you look at him.

You feel bad when Mark asks if you would like to go spend the night at his house, voice low and fingers brushing at your hair. So you lie, tell him that you are not feeling very well and that you should probably head home. Guilty takes over you again when he tells you to text him when you arrive home safely.

✱

“Well, look who it is.” Is what Johnny says the moment you step outside the bar. He has a cigarette between his lips this time too and a t-shirt on from a band you never heard of. “Left poor Mark hanging?”

“I told him I was going home.” You say, letting your back touch the wall. You feel tired and your mind spins a little when you close your eyes.

“Still, I’m glad you followed my advice,” he flicks the cigarette somewhere in the dark. “And went for someone your age.”

“Sure, let's put it like that.” Is your reply and it’s embarrassing how you are here right now instead of with a boy that actually gave you indications he wanted you.

“Well, then why are you out here and not with him? Trying to steal my high again?” He sounds bored almost, cocking an eyebrow at you in what seems like a challenge.

“Oh my god, are you really this annoying or is it an act?

“It's fun making you pissed off.” He laughs, deep and genuine and you hate it. You don’t understand why, after all the things he has said and done, you still want it. “And still here you are with me, in the back of this club for the second time.”

You scoff. “You’re an asshole.” You should’ve left already. You move to get your phone on your purse and order an uber so you can leave and never have to look at Johnny again.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” He says laughing again, his eyes not leaving you. “Never been called an asshole and annoying at the same time, it’s very considerate of you.”

You don’t reply, just roll your eyes and wait for the uber to arrive in silence. The cold makes you shiver and you curse yourself for even getting out of the house today.

When the uber arrives you get in without a word and you promise yourself you’ll never talk to Seo Johnny ever again.

✱

Obviously, you have never been good at making coherent decisions, making the right choices. You had a thing for danger and things that seemed out of your reach, a challenge. That’s why you do what you do when Saturday night comes.

While you put on your skirt you think of the time you decide to smoke a blunt inside of your room thinking your mother wouldn’t be able to smell it later. It felt dangerous and stupid but it sent a thrill in your stomach that felt good. 

That same thrill pumped inside your veins as you walked inside the bar for the third time in the span of two months.

It's not a friday, so the band isn't playing you know that for sure. But still, you feel your eyes search for him as you stop by the bar and like a magnet you find exactly what you are looking for. Seo Johnny stands there, in all black and chains on his hips as he talks to Taeil while the music plays loudly. The red lights swing around the bar and there’s so many people dancing that you get overwhelmed, wanting to escape because you shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t be chasing for someone that clearly didn’t want you.

The shot you take is bitter against your tongue and your dress keeps riding up in an unpleasant way. The girl sitting next to you looks as distressed as you are and you decide to observe her to clear your mind. She’s drinking something red that looks sweet and matches her lip while checking her phone every 2 minutes. You wonder if a boy stood her up, thinks that she should just tell him to fuck off and go home.

It gets boring after a while and you take another shot. The song has changed three times already and you turn to look at the dance floor. The magnet pulls again and your eyes fall on Johnny, except this time he’s looking right at you and you can feel your body on fire. His eyes are low, like he’s high off something and you wish you were too.

It’s automatic, almost. He raises one eyebrow at you and then starts moving toward one of the more secluded areas of the bar. So you follow, like your body is not your own and you’re blinded by the meaning of it all. You pass the dancing bodies, a slight buzz in your head from the shots and the loud music and the lights. You wonder if you’ll finally get what you want.

When you finally reach him his back is against a wall and he looks at you lazily, a tiny smile on his lips. The music is not as loud here but somehow the red light is stronger. “Found your way into the rabbit hole again, pretty girl?” He asks and you’re once again between liking the pet name and wanting to punch his face.

“I was busy the last few weeks.” It’s not really a lie, you were busy trying to convince yourself you didn’t want to come here and find him. You stand a few steps away from him, not wanting to give him the luxury yet. 

He just hums and signals for you to come closer. You shouldn’t, nothing good will come out of it but the way he smells when you get as close as possible is intoxicating, causing your mind to twirl even more. His hand moves to put a strand of your hair behind your ear in a manner that is too  sweet. “You’re so lovely.” He says, voice as low as his eyes and you feel like your whole body is melting. “Tell me, baby, did you come here tonight to see me?”

You shake your head. you won’t give him what he wants, not so quick at least. Trying to pay back in the same coin he gave you. It’s stupid and silly, something inside of you says that this is just proving his point. That you are too immature for him. “No, I came to have a good time.” Is your reply.

His laugh still pisses you off. “Come on. You’re really gonna lie to me?” The song changes and someone passes the both of you on the way to the bathroom. You feel self conscious for a second, like you got caught doing something you shouldn’t. “But you know, I have to admit that I have been waiting for you to show up again.”

You don’t understand why he’s acting like this. Like he hasn’t denied you just weeks ago. He looks at you with his dark eyes and as his hand runs lazily on your thigh you realize even in your drunk state. Seo Johnny is a demon. A demon messing with your head and you’re letting him. “Shut up.” Your voice is weak, barely convincing.

His smile is perfect, you notice and it shouldn’t be from how much he smokes. He smells like some expensive cologne and cigarettes, making your mind clouded and he looks like a boy who would ruin your life. A boy who you would let ruin it. “Now tell me this, baby, and don’t lie this time.” Honey melts on your ears. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

Yes, is what your lungs want to scream. You want it so bad, want to taste him and to make him feel as ruined as you do. Your head moves on its own accord.

“Come on, use your words, ___.” He says teasingly and you lose your patience. You press your lips against his a bit too forcefully, the thrill of confidence running through your veins frenetically. As if he predicted what you were going to do he kisses you back just as forcefully, his hand gripping at your neck, not letting you have any more control.

It’s good. So good your mind spins and you think you might pass out. The wait and anticipation making it all better. He drags his teeth against your bottom lip, biting softly before he’s dipping his tongue inside your mouth and letting it move against yours.

Your mind starts to wonder what changed, why he finally gave in but you’re interrupted when his free hand moves underneath your short skit, moving to press against your damp panties and you can’t help but moan a little. You’re shaking against him, you are sure, and the way he smirks against the kiss only aggravates it.

He breaks the kiss then, eyes staring at you as he swipes his thumb on your lips. You must look a mess. “It’s adorable how desperate you act for me, baby.” His voice is husky. “Makes me want to take you to that bathroom and fuck you.”

He smiles at the way you whimper. “Then do it.” You are good at putting on a brave face.

“Would you like that, huh? Want me to fuck you nice and good in the bathroom like a dirty girl?”

It’s embarrassing, really. How you dumbly nod and almost go as far as saying please. How he has such an effect on you, that you just let him take you to the bathroom. Him immediately presses you against the wall after closing the door.

Something shifts and he kisses you so softly, with no rush and you melt against him. The sound of the music is muted, only the beat vibrating on your body and you let your mind fall numb. It feels like something you shouldn’t be doing but so right and perfect at the same time.

You feel his hands everywhere, on your neck then down your waist and gripping tightly on your ass, your front  pressing closer to his. And he's so tall he practically hovers over you, making your mind wander with thoughts of what he could be doing. It isn’t until he hikes your skirt up and dips a hand inside your panties that you are moaning. The mere touch of his finger on your clit sets your body on fire and you’re gripping at his shoulders. “You’re so cute, baby.” He coos “All wet for me. Has anyone else ever made you this wet before?”

“No…” You sigh as he massages your clit, lips pressing on your collarbone and you can feel the smile on his lips against it. You’re so on edge that the moment he presses a long finger inside of you, with some difficulty due to the angle, you feel ready to come. 

He hums pleased and moves to kiss you again, this time more desperate and messy. You grip tight at his hair, earning a moan from him against your mouth. Someone knocks on the door and yells something but you don’t care, all your mind can do is chant Johnny’s name over and over like you’re intoxicated with him.

Your experience at this runs short and he can probably tell with the way he looks a little gone when he inserts another finger inside and your walls clench as pleasure washes over your body. It's a tight fit and realizing that he seems to spur him in trying harder to get you ready. “I don't think you are going to be able to take me, baby.”

He punctuates the words by pressing his fingers deeper, fucking you with them so nicely that the moment he adds his thumb to your clit you’re coming with a deep whine that makes him chuckle.

Then he removes his fingers, following with the fumbling around to get his pants down with the chains clanking around. When he finally enters you it’s pure bliss, with a little resistance from you from how big he is but despite it with a little try he manages to bottom out. He fucks you deep and slow and whispers the most filth and lovely words. The only thing you can do is grip his shoulders and moan like you’re losing your mind because he hits so deep inside that you have to bite your lips to ground yourself from coming too fast. 

“You’re such a good girl, aren’t you?” He says against your ear as he pounds into you. He sounds raspy and breathless “Taking me so well, bet no one will ever fuck you this good.”

It’s cocky and makes you feel dirty but you still nod, agreeing with every word he says. “Yes, Johnny, please, please.” You cry out pathetically. “I’m so close.”

You want to fall apart, to reach heaven in his arms and he takes you there, fucking you so good that your back hits the wall repeatedly, his grip on your thighs so hard you’re sure it’ll leave a bruise. It’s raw and nothing like you imagined your second time having sex would be and for a moment you remember Johnny’s words about how girls like you always got attached so easily. How could you not get attached to this? To the way he brings you to your orgasm praising you in the dirtiest way possible. All you see is white and your mind goes blank, his name falling out of your mouth.

After he comes too, discarding the condom and pressing a kiss too sweet to the corner of your mouth, he guides you outside of the party and asks if you’d like an uber to take you home. Your tired mind agrees, the tiniest bit of disappointment that he won’t take you to his house there.

✱

He didn’t give you his numbers, didn’t promise to call or to take you out someday. His intentions were as clear as glass but still your mind still made you think the opposite. Hope, or whatever it was took you to the club on another friday night. With another dress too short, Doyoung by your side and butterflies in your stomach. You arrive just in time for the band to perform the last song, your eyes stay on Johnny exactly like the first time you saw him up there, playing like he would die if he didn’t. The chains on his neck bounced just a little and his hands moved as fast as possible. It’s a scene you could watch forever.

A while after the song finishes you move closer to the dressing room to get to him but you wish you didn’t. He's there, with a dark haired girl in his arms and laughing at something she says. The scene moves fast and then his lips are on hers.

You blink and storm out of there. 

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Lauren’s Attunement/// The Catharsis of the Dark Diary (Long ass post)

Ah ... I really don't know how much I could say about this Attunement that I decided to separate into two parts and notice that I am going to deviate a bit from my original intention to make some clear points because there is a lot to get out of what Lauren has said. With that in mind I hope it is not too confusing to read.

First part: Cancellation Culture

I think our moonchild has been perfectly clear on this point. "We are living in a very sick world" "In a world in great need of healing and that will not do so through the culture of cancellation." Cancellation culture sucks, folks. A twisted idea of ​​exposing things from the past of people who have not been good and that people have become accustomed to criticizing as if all those who criticize were a mirror of virtue and perfection when nobody is perfect and Lauren also mentions that in your Attunement. Lauren also mentions that we cannot hold people accountable for their mistakes because it is the most important part of the process. And it is a truth like a cathedral. People who make mistakes need to take responsibility for their actions so that they don't make them again. It is necessary to learn from it and improve as people and heal. In the part where Lauren mentions that she would never publicly embarrass the people she loves, she reminded me of Camila. I did not want to mention Camila in this because we know that Lauren has also been humiliated but if we talk about the cancellation culture that part goes to Camila. Camila has been a victim of the culture of cancellation long before leaving the band and they have made Twitter threads, blaming her with a racist past for which she has apologized many times but still drag her to hell, no matter what. Camila has haters who love to fuck her and Lauren knows it too. She has known it forever and a clear example is (I'm not going to put a screenshot because it would distract me) the tweet where someone calls Camila ugly and Lauren responds to that hater saying: "Hello, can you show me a picture of you? " It is these details that make us understand that everything she sees on the internet in relation to her and her loved ones affects her a lot and what she says when she talks about the online world where we are all the time, is bullshit. She says that it's not that you can't do what makes you beautiful, that she's fine with it, but also the people who are watching don't know that shit is fake and that people aren't happy with who they are. "That when they look in the mirror they don't love themselves." And I think she hit the spot there too, folks. She has perfectly outlined a hater's profile. The lack of love of those people who have found an escape route to their frustrations, to what is wrong with their lives, that makes them what they are. Because as she says, we live in a screwed up world, it's true but the point is, how the hell have we got to this point? How do we get to this point where the human being has lost humanity and has become shadows of hatred and rejection that lives by making Twitter threads and canceling people to feel better about themselves? And then Lauren talks about Trump. She mentions Trump as a symptom of lack of love. And again she is not wrong. Donald Trump's life was never very happy. With an authoritarian father who always preferred his eldest son to follow the legacy of his family and perpetuate the name of it, when this son did not want that pressure, the father banished the eldest son and all the shit fell on Trump. The only other male in the family. Trump is that man's mirror. From that egomaniac, controlling, arrogant, undoubtedly macho and racist father because he has really shown it. Trump lives on appearances. To demonstrate something that is not and to hide its shortcomings in a marked narcissism.

Another thing that strikes me about what she has said and another truth is also that we no longer love each other because we do not know where we are standing. And that is also true, we do not know who we are because others dictate who we are. They dictate what to say, what to eat, what music to listen to, what television series to watch until we become cattle. We have lost our ability as individual beings to fit the mold of livestock just to give us the feeling of feeling connected, as if we were part of something. Part of a whole that is still controlled. From this part Lauren begins to talk about what she has written in her diary so I will continue with the second part, but to close this one, I can only say that many of the things she mentions are a reflection of what we are doing living, of what we are suffering and our own fragility as a human species.

Second part: Black Diary and Amy's Shadow

I think we have a concept of great artists as broken human beings, wrapped in dramas and additions that actually "help" perfectly in their art. Where, the more chaos there is in their lives, the more geniuses they become. And I think Amy can be an example of that. And talking about her, because I'm going to start by talking about her and then I'm going to express my thoughts about Lauren. I remember responding to an ask yesterday saying that I was terrified when Lauren said she felt identified with her because their lives were a kind of parallel. And then I thought better of it and realized that yes, both lives have that parallel but with a difference, Lauren has what Amy never had. An emotional support network. Good friends. Amy's life was marked by rejection, mockery, the circus that was her life where her art was in the background and her voice was shattered to make way for the addicted, alcoholic Amy, where her greatest achievement was to climb to a drugged and drunk stage, with glasses of wine that she drank live and her show was to demonstrate her weakness so that others made fun of her. Her parents perpetuated that shit because it gave them money, and as long as she made money, at the cost of her own physical and mental health, nothing else mattered. Being an artist is not only knowing how to sing, dance, write, paint and be good at all kinds of artistic expression, but it is much more than that. Being an artist is breaking yourself into pieces and giving them to your fans to do with those pieces what they want. It is giving more than what nobody will give you in return. And Amy got broken. They broke her into thousands of pieces and they all jumped like vultures wanting a piece of her until she ceased to exist because they never gave her a chance to rebuild herself. They never gave her a chance to learn to love herself to be able to heal because they didn't want a healthy Amy because that didn't sell. They were only served by her pain because she filled their bank accounts, those of her friends, those of her managers, those of the entertainment tabloids. Those of her boyfriends. The ones from her own fucking parents. And so far we can draw parallels with Lauren. It is possible that our moonchild has had or is having her problems with her mother, or with her record label, or with whatever she is having problems and is dealing with right now, but at least she does not have a family that just supports her and is there for the money she may or may not earn. And yes, she mentioned many fears at first before reading the newspaper, but at least she has had a chance to regroup when she needs to. Lauren has the ability to heal herself, her own will thanks to her own strength. Because even if you are afraid of breaking or feeling pain, you have to feel it. You have to hit rock bottom to learn how to get out of there. You have to go to the extreme of falling enough to know that your own will, your own inner strength is so great that it helps you to rise not only once, but a thousand times if necessary. And she has that ability. I believe and have always said it, you already know it. That the real problem, or part of it, is not Lauren's fragility because that is bullshit. Lauren is a strong girl but at the same time she has this angel, this kind of kindness that really does not go well in an environment as rotten and toxic as the industry. Lauren Jauregui does not fit molds. She cannot follow rules if she considers that they are not fair and that people in the industry do not like because they lose their ability to manipulate it. There is a reason that her song Toy has disappeared, folks. Lauren is still an artist and of course she too falls into the concept of what it means to be an artist, breaking herself into pieces and giving those pieces to us who are her fans. And since we have a piece of it, perhaps we create ourselves with the right to demand more from her because we are not satisfied with what she gives us and we criticize her for it. The worst fans are capable of fucking her and haters are able to write Twitter threads exposing what they hate about her.

That would scare anyone, folks. Even if you are not an artist. There is a Lauren Gif that I posted on the blog as part of a set of images related to Camren. In that gif Lauren looks at the audience with such a raw expression on her face saying something like: "You who are there screaming like crazy, with your perfect lives while I am being pressured to the point of breaking and you just want more" (I put the only screenshot because I don't have the GiF image at hand)

This GiF is something that always caught my attention and since I have known Lauren she knew that there was something else with her. I met her as the bad girl, the bitch one. That image that appeared to conform to Tyren. And then her smile disappeared. I remember when I joined the fandom where one of my first posts about PR circuses was to ask myself: Why do girls look so fucked up? Why is Lauren so sad or why has her smile disappeared? And then there were those weird videos where she seemed like "haunted", like outside of herself and that agreed with the time that she had to stunt for Tyren and always seemed to be the same dynamic with her. And then it was not only me who realized that Lauren was not well, but also other mutuals and we kept repeating the same thing to the bastards on her team: "Lauren is not well, please take care of her " That was something that we repeated a thousand times with Lauren and then also with Camila because it always caught my attention that the two of them were equally fucked at the same time. Before I knew that Lauren had her problems with her family, I also noticed that separation. I think I received a bit of shit after expressing my thoughts but in the end, I was never wrong because Lauren herself has expressed it and I think if I had been in the fandom long before 2018 I would have noticed it too. This has been a very emotional Attunement on Lauren's part and I told her in a tweet, as her fan has been a privilege to have witnessed that. It is a privilege to be a fan of a girl with a huge heart who has flaws that make her more human than other people and who has grown enough to know that she can continue to do so. With this post I have tried to be respectful and say that, although I do not know her, we connect in a special way because we have almost the same way of thinking in many aspects (although I do not agree in many others) and I think that still does most important to me. About the newspaper. It reminded me of the lost diary topic, but apparently she has more than one. Who knows. I remember my period of having diaries in my teens and I appreciate that because it made me realize that writing would be an important part of my life. If there is one way I am good at expressing myself it is writing, and no, not in English so I apologize for the mistakes. There is one last detail of Lauren's Attunement that goes a bit more on the personal side. When she says: "To be a real one, is to be an emotional one". I have always had a conflict with being emotional. Starting with my zodiac sign (yes, I know it's a bit silly to believe in that but it amuses me). As a Pisces, I am an emotional being. As a physically disabled person I have my limitations and although these limitations do not define me, I have always had a fierce fight with my vulnerable side. I hate depending on others, physically and emotionally. I also hate getting sick and others having to take care of me when I'm unable to do it on my own, that's why I don't get along with my emotional side. Excessively emotional and I prefer to be more cerebral in many aspects (I think you have noticed that my favorite word this year has been brainless people, right) and dependency is something that I can't stand on myself. That they depend on me does not matter, I am always for those who need me but being dependent is something I tend to avoid like pests. Relying on others to do things for you, depending on the affection of other people ... my family (except my mother) was never very affectionate to say, it was not impulsively hugging you or public displays of affection and I learned to be the same . But I also learned to give what others did not give me. And it cost me. That of leaving the mold of a family that is there and that sometimes worries but that others can leave you and not know what you are doing on any given day. A family that demands expectations. At least some of my uncles. I think that in that part I feel identified with Lauren and it is curious because I am adopted but she is not. And still I feel identified with Lauren and at the same time with Camila and the relationship that she has with her mother, which is almost an exact copy of the relationship that I had with my mother throughout my childhood and adolescence. I guess that's why I follow them both, apart from because I love the music of both. The last detail and I already stop talking about me because this post is about Lauren. What she talks about the industry, the molds, how female artists within the industry are treated. That was also an important aspect because here we are, always complaining about the fact that female artists are undervalued and punished twice as much as a male artist because the music industry is misogynous and macho. That's true.

Society tends to forgive the mistakes of male artists who sometimes do more reprehensible things than female artists and all the mistakes of those female artists (Leigh-Ann of LM throwing shade at Camila) come to light more times and they are more hated. That is a part of the industry that I have always hated and that makes me sad at the same time because it always affects our girls. And I don't know what else I have left to say that I haven't already said, I hope I wasn't too confused with my ideas but it was something I had to write about and I've taken my time to do that. I don't know if Lauren is ever going to read this, but I wanted to thank her. Thanks moonchild. Thank you for giving us that piece of you that makes you vulnerable so that we know it. Thank you for being yourself, for teaching us that we can heal and continue to grow. Thank you for that beautiful mind of yours that has so much to express and deliver to this screwed up world. Don't stop being real, mija. Don't let that light you have go out. I love you so much moonchild ...

sorry for the long reading, folks but it was something I needed to said.

[tired0artist]

sing to me (part two)

paring: female!V x Johnny Silverhand

summary: a street kid V falls in love with SAMURAI music and idolises Johnny Silverhand. years later she finally understands the saying “never meet your idols”

warnings: angst and fluff, Johnny being a dick as always, arguments, Jackie and V are like siblings, Mama Wells is the best, grief, V plays the guitar, more/different warnings in the future parts

note: I’m describing my V, but you can imagine her however you want tho

•SAMURAI fan V (street kid)•

The rain was pouring outside. Stray raindrops hitting the window in her apartment, as she sat on her bed.

Her green eyes trained on her guitar that was hanging above the couch. It was old and worn from all the playing she’ve done ever since she bought it. The only thing new about it were the strings, as they snapped from time to time.

She stared at her prised possession without any emotion. Just emptiness. It’s been almost a week since, Jackie died and V didn’t even dare to touch her guitar. She didn’t hum to herself or sing along to some song on the radio, as she kept it turned off all this time.

Her holo brought her out of her thoughts, it was Mama Wells calling. V already knew why.

“Hello?” she said into the holo, her throat tight as she spoke.

The woman on the other end smiled sadly “Hello, V. Will you be coming? I’m calling because you said that you’ll be sooner than others”

V looked down, guilt eating her up as she said “I’m sorry. I’m on my way, now”

“V... you don’t have to, do it if you’re uncomfortable. I’m sure—“

“It’s fine... he would want me to. I’ll do it for Jackie...”

Mama Wells smiled once again “He always did praise your music... I’m sure he’ll be listening with everyone”

A lone tear made its way down V’s cheek as she nodded saying “I’m leaving now.. I’ll see you there Mama Wells”

With that she ended the holo and got up, taking and packing up her guitar she left her apartment. Her black clothes contrasting with the gloomy weather.

The drive to El Coyote was quick. A bit too quick, for V’s liking. She spent another good ten minutes inside her car just staring at the wheel.

Then she felt a small hint of comfort? Encouragement.

She smiled to herself. It seemed like the bastard had a heart after all.

“Thanks...” she whispered out loud, even through she knew that she didn’t have to.

V left her car, took her guitar and headed inside the bar.

As she walked through the doors Mama Wells walked up to her, hugging her tightly.

“Thank you for coming” she whispered.

V hugged her back, only whispering “I am so sorry”

The older woman pulled back and touched V’s freckled cheeks, looking into her eyes “Do not apologise, hija mia. It’s not your fault”

V nodded, tearing up a bit but blinked away the tears, trying to seem strong and collected.

Soon the ofrenda started and people started talking about Jackie, placing their chosen souvenirs for him.

And now.

It was V’s turn.

Slowly she stood up and walked in front of every one.

“Like many street kids, I never had a family or a home. I was all alone most of my life” she started, her heart hammering in her chest “I took whatever job that I could. And one of them, led me to Jackie. One minute he was ready to shoot me and another he was inviting me to have a dinner with his mama” she laughed a bit and so did a few people.

V looked at Mama Wells smiling “And Mama Wells took me in as her own kid. Even packed me food to eat later. After that Jackie and I started hanging out together, taking jobs or just fooling around. He was always talking about us becoming the best of the best. The Night City Legends. But even with this dream of his, he never forgot about his friends. His family”

“Jackie Wells wasn’t just your typical big guy from Heywood. No. He was much, much more than that. And I wish that other people could see him like I did. Like I still do” V said while taking out a bloodied and torn orange tie, smiling softly at the ugly thing “Jackie wore this tie, the first time I played here. He was joking around about being my bodyguard. But it turned out later that he wasn’t joking at all.

Couple of unfortunate souls dared to insult me rather loudly. I honestly didn’t give a fuck, but Jackie. Jackie got up from his place at the bar and beat the shit out of them. He then walked over to me and handed me his torn tie saying “chica, as long as your bodyguard’s on duty, no fucker will say a word to ya. Now go on and play something nice for your most devoted fan””

V then turned and placed the tie on the table, next to other things that people brought there. She looked up at his photo saying “Hang in there Jackie. My most devoted fan... my brother”

With that she went to sit down next to Vik, who patted her back in compassion.

They all drank for Jackie in a toast and not long after that, Mama Wells got V on the small stage where she was always playing.

At first V just sat there, her faithful guitar in her hands. When she remembered Jackie, his smile whenever she played for him. Him and Misty slow dancing in her shop as V played for them or just tested out a new song. His laugh whenever she was just fooling around and singing nonsense.

It all felt as if someone brought up all these memories up for her. Dug them out to remind her of happier times.

V smiled and started playing, her fingers skilfully yet gently strummed. The music was calm and smoothing, the memories kept coming and soon V’s cheeks were wet with tears but she started humming out loud. Both the guitar and her humming creating a beautiful melody, that had many stop talking and just listen.

Then she started singing along.

“It's been a long day without you, my friend.

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.

We've come a long way from where we began.

Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.

When I see you again”

She took a deep breath, her heart feeling lighter. V continued on singing. The lyrics coming to her out of nowhere, with each word, each chord her heart was becoming lighter.

“When I see you again.

When I see you again...”

She ended, softly.

Mama Wells started clapping and soon the whole bar joined. Many people were teared up, but Vik, Mama Wells, Misty and Pepe were fully sobbing.

V sent them all a shaky smile and got down, heading to the bar.

It was middle of the night as V said her goodbyes and left the bar. A bottle of whiskey from Pepe in her hand. Instead of taking her car, V walked home.

Her hair sticking to her forehead, her black clothes sticking to her body after her walk in the rain.

As she entered her apartment, the first thing she did was to put away her guitar. Then she got undressed and went to take a hot shower.

After that she put on her pyjamas and went to sit down on the floor next to her bed. Bottle of whiskey in her hand as she was holding a small device that she grabbed from her desk.

Taking a sip of the alcohol she activated the device. A hologram appeared in front of her, with a video playing.

“Come on, Jackie! Don’t record me!” V yelled as she was grinning in happiness “It brings bad luck!”

“Bullshit! I’ve never heard that, chica. And one day I’ll get a shit ton of money for recording the very first performance of the big music star Vivienne!” Jackie said coming into the view of the small drone that was recording them, wrapping his arm around V.

She pushed him with a snort, saying “If I’ll ever be a star, I’ll go by V. As always”

“Come on, chica! You’ll need a better stage name! Something rich, like that guy from that old band you like”

“Kerry Eurodyne?”

“Yeah, yeah! Something like that”

V laughed saying “I think that it’s his actual name, Jackie. And V is a good name, lay off of me”

“Sure” Jackie said before grinning “Vivienne”

“Okay that’s it!” she said and jumped on her best friend’s back, pretending to choke him “You’re going down!”

“Never! It would be embarrassing to be defeated by a sweet little girl named Vivienne” Jackie joked, pretending to throw her off of him but really he was supporting her so that she wouldn’t fall.

“Fuck off!” she said with a laugh.

Suddenly Mama Wells came into the frame, hands on her hips “Ninõs, stop playing around. V’s coming up in a minute!”

Jackie laughed and helped V get down as both of them said.

“Sorry”

Mama Wells smiled at them and shook her head, then pointed at the drone “Shut it off, Jackie. It’ll distract her”

Jackie pouted but nodded, his eyes glowed blue and the video ended.

V was sobbing by the time it ended. She could still remember that day, his laugh and the way he hugged her after her first performance at the El Coyote.

She smiled a bit remembering that Jackie still took a video of her, thanks to Pepe. He was bragging about how he would sell it, once she’s famous.

V calmed down a bit after finishing the whole bottle of whiskey and slowly climbed on her bed. She snuggled into the blankets on the bed and laid there for a few minutes.

The sound of rain hitting her window, triggered her as her mind went back to that Delamain. And Jackie’s lifeless body.

She broke down again and sobbed like a child, loudly and painfully.

“Jackie—“ she whimpered, bitting her lip.

I’m sorry, she finished inside her head, unable to speak at the moment.

Not long after that, the exhaustion and alcohol hit her, causing her to she fall asleep. Completely unaware of a body materialising at the end of the bed. Or the metal hand rubbing her arm that was covered by the blanket.

“You poor, emotional gonk...”

The next morning was tough for V. She laid in her bed, head hurting from the relic, hangover and crying. She was holding on to the photo of her and Jackie, that Claire took of them on their first visit at Afterlife.

V smiled at the memory, more tears gathering in her eyes. She hasn’t moved for hours, as she continued to stare at Jackie’s face.

“Kid, you gotta move” said Johnny as he materialised near the bed, his arms crossed.

She ignored him and closed her eyes, hoping that the rockerboy would go away.

“I won’t go away. I literally, can’t” he said, staring at the woman. Her hair was a mess, so was her face as all her mascara was now painting her cheeks and her nose was wet from crying.

“Fuck off” she said and turned so that her back was facing him, the picture still in her arms.

Johnny wanted to pull his hair out in frustration with the girl. He didn’t have time for her angsty teen act. He needed her to get to work.

He walked over and grabbed her arm, shaking her while hissing “Listen here you whiny cunt. Your choom died. Poor you. But guess what. People. Fucking. Die. So get your ass up and get to work or you’ll be joining hi—“

Slap.

Johnny was cut off as his face was forced to the side by V’s hand. The woman moved so fast that he didn’t even see the hit coming. He let go of her and took a step back, watching as tears were running down V’s cheeks. And yet. She was glaring at him, her whole body vibrating with rage.

“Fuck you” she choked out and got up, going to the bathroom.

As the doors shut, V fell on the ground. Sobbing like a little kid.

She doesn’t know how much time passed by, but finally she got up and made her way to the shower.

After showering and taking care of her other needs, she left the bathroom. To her surprise, Johnny was sitting on her bed staring at his hands.

V stared at him for a while, before going to lay down on her couch. She turned on the radio, leaving it at a low volume as rock station was playing.

She stared at her hanging guitar, fingers tapping in the rhythm of the songs playing on the radio.

“I’m sorry”

V looked up in shock to see Johnny standing near the couch.

He let out a sigh and sat down on the coffee table in front of her “Listen kid. It’s okay to grieve. But gotta be honest. It won’t bring him back, it’ll only affect your health. Which is going to get shittier with each day”

The woman looked down at her hands, whispering softly “But it hurts...”

Johnny sighed and reluctantly put his organic hand on her knee “And it’s going to hurt like a bitch for a long time. Probably will never stop. You’ll just get better at handling it”

“So what do I do?” she asked, feeling weak and vulnerable.

“You get your ass up and find how to get the chip out. You gotta live kid. From what I’ve seen, that choom of yours would give you an earful if he saw you slacking”

V smiled a bit “Yeah... he would, yell at me for wasting time”

Johnny smiled a bit too, as he felt a bit of the weight on V’s heart lifting. Then he looked out the window, to see the sun setting. He bit inside of his cheek, already cursing himself as he said.

“But we’ll take care of that tomorrow. Tonight you’ll rest up and eat something, kid. I can feel how hungry you are. Also get some painkillers, your head still hurts. Which is fucking annoying”

V nodded and went to get up, but not before awkwardly patting Johnny’s shoulder.

“Thank you...”

He nodded at her and stayed with her, that evening. They didn’t really talk much but he knew that, she felt a bit better with visible company.

That night, V fell asleep rather quickly without the help of alcohol or pills.

•english isn’t my first language so sorry for any errors.

•you wanna be tagged in the next parts? leave a comment!

•thanks for reading! hope you like it. I will be going through some parts of the main story and beyond. I’m planning it to be a bit longer so if you want something longer than 5/6 parts, this is for you

•tag list: @signwriting @missweatherwax

[notnctu]

both sides - k.jw

shyboy!jungwoo x fuckgirl!y.n warnings: mentions of alcohol, hooking up and swearing summary: relationship (n) - the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. In this video, two people in some sort of relationship take turns answering questions about their relationship while the other person cannot hear any of their answers.

a.n: hi i am author xuxi ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ and this is like a small script scenario that was inspired by @mistymark​‘s the one with the ex boyfriend series and by jubilee’s youtube series called both sides. i rlly hope you enjoy reading this as much as i did writing it :)

[In the frame, there were two empty chairs. In between them was a small coffee table with one set of large earphones and earplugs. The only thing that could be heard in the first few seconds of the video is the creaking of a large metal door and light footsteps.]  

-

[Y.n opens the door and holds it for Jungwoo to follow behind her. As they weave through the cameras and lights to get to the set, y.n suddenly gets shoved in front of the camera, a small ‘oof’ heard behind her. When she turns around, she erupts into laughter as Jungwoo starts hopping into the frame, wires tangled around one of his ankles. The scene then cuts to her sitting in the chair, laughing so hard she’s holding her stomach as one of the set employees unwraps the wires from a blushing Jungwoo]

Introduction

Y.n, confidently: Hi, I’m y.n and I’ve been dating this clumsy man for a little over two years now

Jungwoo nervously rubs his hands on his thighs: Hi I am clumsy man Jungwoo who has been dating this amazing and beautiful y.n for about 118 weeks.

Y.n, teasing him: I didn’t know that converting the years into weeks was part of your engineering degree.

Jungwoo: See guys, you gotta do that math in the relationship, helps make her think that you’re good at math and will be rich in the future so she’ll never leave you.

[Y.n starts laughing again and Jungwoo only stares in awe at his girlfriend, he could never stop himself from admiring her beautiful laugh.]

-

[Jungwoo hands the headphones and earplugs to her immediately, she nods in a pleasure shock]

Y.n: Wow, never in my life did I think that you would volunteer to say something first.

Jungwoo with his little silly side smirk: Maybe I’m feeling extra brave today, the effect that the y.n has on me.

[She laughs again, as if every little thing Jungwoo does makes her the happiest person in the world, it’s one of the only things that Jungwoo takes pride in as seen when the camera zooms into his small smile while he watches her slip the headphones on]

Y.n, loudly: Do I look ugly with this on?

[Jungwoo leans forward and pulls out small strands of her hair that were stuck behind the band of the headphones. He then pulls her longer strands from behind her shoulders to rest in front of her chest.]

Jungwoo: Not anymore, you looked a little bald at first.

Y.n, her lips falling to a frown: Did you just call me bald?

Jungwoo: Yea Caillou. Bald.

How did you two meet?

His side

Jungwoo, laughing: I mean, the very first time I saw her was at a frat party, and she still does not know anything about this. In fact, I haven’t really told anyone about this except Lucas, but basically it was at his party and she was totally blacking out. Oh, and I already knew who she was too.

[He pauses, lips pursued,  finding the best words to describe the situation]

Jungwoo: Let’s just say - she’s a social butterfly, quite popular. But basically, she had been shoved and I just happened to catch her. I shit you not, she looked me dead in the eyes and said ‘you better not kiss me’ with the most drunk yet devious smile I’ve ever seen.

[He laughs at the memory nostalgically. Never in his life did he think that one of his fondest memories would be at a frat party. Y.n is obviously confused.]

Jungwoo, his gaze soaks all of her in, completely smitten by her: Looking back at it, I totally shouldn’t have saved her ass, she probably deserved to eat shit.

Y.n, eyes still clearly lost: What are you talking about?

Jungwoo, though blushing, was still able to say in a high pitched mocking tone: None of your beeswax!

Her side

[Y.n hands him the headset and earplugs, she starts rubbing her ears]

Jungwoo: It’s loud isn’t it?

Y.n: Yea, but nothing will ever be as loud as your high pitched screams when you get scared.

[He rolls his eyes as she flashes her small mischievous grin, putting the earphones over his ears.]

Y.n: Uhm, honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if we met at one of our mutual’s countless frat parties. But if we did meet there, there’s no way I’d remember.

Y.n, smiling fondly: But the very first time that I really met him face to face, and sober might I add, was when I bumped into him and Lucas on campus. Lucas invited him to his party, of course, that night and said something like ‘Jungwoo is gonna be there! You gotta go cause he never goes to my parties!” so I really had to directly look at him and I was thinking like ‘wow, they’re complete opposites’ because at the time, I had never seen him before.

Both sides

[Jungwoo places the two accessories onto the table, his eyes wide with curiosity.]

Jungwoo: Tell me what you said, I wanna know what you think our first meeting was.

Y.n, raising a brow: Think? So we totally met at a party once huh?

[Jungwoo just slyly smirks at her, remembering how sharp y.n always was. He nods his head, motioning her to continue.]

Y.n: I talked about when Lucas and you bumped into me on campus, and he invited me to one of his parties.

Jungwoo jumps a little in his chair, excited that he remembered that moment: Oh my god yea! That was our first time meeting sober.

Y.n: Yea, and I was thinking like, oh my gosh, they’re complete opposites.

Jungwoo sighs: I get it, I’m not as tall, as buff, as handsome or as cool as Lucas Wong. He’s only friends with me because we were roommates back in first year.

Y.n: Not even, Lucas loves you, he follows you like a lost puppy all the time. Also you don’t want to be Lucas, he’s kind of a, ya know-

Jungwoo: A douche.

[They snicker, but then suddenly, y.n stops and look directly at Jungwoo]

Y.n: Wait, what happened at the party when we first met?

Jungwoo: I mean, I just talked about how you were making out wi-

Y.n sighs into her hands, cringing: Oh my gosh, don’t bring up my past. 

[Jungwoo turn to the camera, a hand blocking the sight of his devilish grin from his girlfriend, and mouths to the camera with the subtitles assisting the watchers at the bottom of screen]

Jungwoo, his mouth exaggerating each word: She used to be a fuck girl

[Jungwoo never says his real answer, he’s always been too shy to admit that he was drawn to her since that very first night and that Lucas bumping into her that random day was staged.]

How was your first kiss?

Her side

[She immediately groans into her hands, her legs dramatically stretch out as she slips down the back of her chair, clearly disliking the memory. Jungwoo’s eyebrow’s furrow in animated confusion. What could’ve possibly made her this embarrassed again? Her pink ears make release a baffled laugh, shocked by her sudden outburst.]

Y.n, still hiding behind her hands: It was so strange. I never felt nervous to kiss someone before, nor did I ever kiss someone without it leading to a hook up. It was also in the trunk of his hatchback, we were watching the stars at a look out point. Even the literal setting was something I wasn’t used to. 

[She looks at Jungwoo’s very concerned, confused, and focused face. She can tell that he is trying so hard to decipher what is making her so annoyed. She rolls her eyes, but a small smile peaks through as she looks at his very lost face.]

Y.n avoiding his eye contact: It was romantic. It was the first time I really felt like a kiss had some sort of meaning or feeling behind it.

His side

[Jungwoo bursts into laughter, knowing exactly why she reacted the way she did. He nervously rubs the back of his neck but the joy never left his eyes. She glares very intentionally at him with the look of ‘you better not say anything stupid or I’ll kill you’ being extremely prominent.]

Jungwoo:  For her, I’m sure it was a surprise, or a little bit weird, especially because it was me of all people in the world. Some dorky loser that wasn’t even one of her countless hot frat boys. I had never seen her so shy and hesitant, probably because the setting of the kiss was very different for her.

[He stares at her, as if waiting for her reaction, thinking that she might kill him once she hears his answer.]

Jungwoo: For me though, it was dreamy, almost like it came out of a movie, perfect.

Both sides

[Y.n buries her face into her sleeves as she takes off the headset and he laughs, remembering her first reaction. Needless to say, he is very amused by her distaste for the question.]

Jungwoo: I know, I really swept you off your feet that night.

Y.n: Shut up, it was only okay.

[Jungwoo is about to interject, but sees her stubbornly looking away with her pink cheeks and just happily sighs. He is satisfied that she’s still so embarrassed about it even two years after it happened,]

What have you learned from them?

[Jungwoo swings his legs from the chair as he calmly listens to the music. His eyes intently yet curiously looking at y.n as she clears her throat. Normally, she was good at hiding her feelings but anyone could see that she was a little overwhelmed by his gaze and the question.]

Her side

Y.n, her stare so affectionately bores into all of Jungwoo: So much. I don’t think this man knows how much he’s taught me in so many ways too, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and in math.

[She laughs, making Jungwoo release a slightly confused laugh. It was always one of his habits, laughing because everyone else did, even if his laugh came out due to awkwardness.]

Y.n: But I think one of the biggest things is that I don’t have to always be this bad bitch that is strong and independent.

[She pauses, maybe to stop the tears from slipping from her eyes as she still struggles to really comfortably talk about her emotions.]

Y.n, after taking a deep breath: He is probably one of the only people that’s ever really seen me cry. He made me realize that I don’t always have to push people away that care for me, that the walls I have do more hurt then protect.

Y.n: Whenever I push people away, or feel scared of people leaving me, he always tells me now that he’ll be my forever wall and I’m really thankful for that.

[She lets out a few sniffles in between her light airy giggles as she motions for Jungwoo to switch roles. He grabs her hand as she takes the set from him and squeeze her fingertips.]

Jungwoo: I would kiss your sniffles away, but you’re kinda far.

[She laughs her wholehearted laugh again and Jungwoo swears that the studio lights get brighter.]

His side

Jungwoo: Ah, this is easy. She always taught me to be more confident in myself. I mean for the longest time, actually, I still think this sometimes, I just always thought that she was out of my league. Just look at her, she’s hot, social, funny, daredevil, risk taker, intelligent, extremely thoughtful. She’s basically everything I’m not. I’m more shy, reserved and kind of weird.   

[He glances at her again and she suddenly sticks her tongue at him. He is surprised by the abrupt face and looks visibly offended and taken aback, causing her to laugh, which then follows with his laugh, still in a little disbelief by her surprise attack]

Jungwoo: See? This bitch is, fucking weird and amazing in all the best way possible. But she reminds me everyday, that I actually am kinda cool? She really brought me out of my shell and built my self confidence.

[He laughs again, mainly because he can’t take himself seriously. Y.n rolls her eyes]

Y.n to the camera: He’s being insecure again isn’t he? He is such a beautiful human being, can someone please tell him that for me?

Jungwoo huffs his bangs out of his eyes, jokingly pretending he’s annoyed but he’s definitely turning a little pink: She doesn’t care what anyone thinks. She just says it. As much as I don’t want to admit it, she has been a good influence, only in that sense.

[He sighs, thinking about her more bad ideas such as skipping class, drinking the nights away, running in the middle of the street. When he looks back up at her, she has the sweetest doe eyes that were only focused on him, as if she wanted to hear more of what he was saying, even though she couldn’t even hear him.]

Jungwoo, looking away: But yea, I guess what it all boils down to is that she really made me feel comfortable in my own skin. Plus she finds me genuinely funny, so now I guess I’m less afraid to make jokes and laugh with people rather than trying to stop myself from saying anything and looking around to check if anyone is looking at me weirdly.

Both sides

[After she removes the music, there is a brief silence. They both just look at each other with such warmth, that the people on set feel like they’re suddenly intruding.]

Y.n, hesitantly: I know that you were talking about how you think I’m out of your league.

Jungwoo crosses his arms: Maybe, don’t get cocky.

Y.n sighs heavily, annoyed: There are no such things as leagues, I like you, and only you because everything you do is what makes you, you. Therefore, I like every single thing, imperfections, perfections, giggles, jokes, faces - everything.

Jungwoo reaches over to grab her hand: Hey, thanks.

Y.n, confused: hm?

Jungwoo: Just, thanks for always being my number one supporter.

Y.n smiles: Always. Thank you for being mine too.

Jungwoo reflectng hers: Always.

[They stare for a small moment, their fingertips just barely grasping each other. Their eyes reflect the same glossy daze. The just immerse in all the feelings, words, and emotions floating in the air. They barely even reflected and discussed each other’s answers, but they just know, the love is there.]

That was the last question. Thank you so much for coming in today.

[They both get up from the chair. He brushes her cheeks and squishes them quickly as he leads them out of the frame.]

Jungwoo sighs: Man, I really thought I was gonna embarrass you more, but I guess I didn’t really have the chance.

Y.n, her voice distant: More? What did you already say?

Jungwoo, their steps clicking in sync: Oh, ya know that you were that hot bitch and that everyone wanted to get into your pants and somehow I got the honor to cuff you.

[A loud gasp is heard and a quick smack. The last thing heard is a small yelp and a light laugh as the camera is fading to black.]

[five-miles-over]

New Girl (High School!Commodus x Reader)

Summary: You are a new student at Institutum Romanus Educational (which is supposed to be Latin for “Roman Educational Institute”) and come across some fascinating characters (I mean classmates). Sort of based off a ‘Gladiator’ AU listicle. Hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: A cheesy meet-cute scene

Word Count: 1,663

When you’d came to Rome to visit your father during your winter holiday, you had only hoped it would be a temporary break from your mundane life back in your hometown. Perhaps you’d get a chance to see the quaint streets covered in frost, or visit the Tiber River. And like most children, you would get a present - maybe new clothes, or a gadget. A brochure for a new school was certainly not what you were expecting as a gift.

Yet here you were, on your first day of the new semester in January, walking to your first period. All you were hoping for was nothing but a peaceful end to your 10th year. You were now to be a student at the Institutum Romanus Educational, or IRE as many playfully called it. It was perplexing to you why a school would insist upon retaining its Latin name, but your parents said it was reinstated by its current principal Marcus Aurelius. He was supposedly an admirer of the Classics and wanted his children to have a good understanding of ancient languages.

The first period of the day was Physics, which you never had a huge affinity towards, but were certainly not averse to. The teacher was kind, and he seemed to be quite enthusiastic about the content he was talking about. After being armed with two problem sets about electromagnetism, you had to walk across the entire building to your next class - English.

Throughout the hall, many of the sights weren’t very different from your old school - there were cliques of people talking to each other, and a few couples making out in front of the lockers. Campaign posters of a girl named Lucilla Aurelius were plastered across the wall. You were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of her on your way to class and by gods, the posters did not do her justice. She was gorgeous.

Flanked by two “minions” or girls wearing blouses and skirts similar to the pink-and-white combination she was wearing, she held a box of buttons that said, “Vote for Lucilla, Vote for Rome” on them. With a charismatic grin, she was passing them out to various people and telling them to vote for her for their Student Body President.

Another voice rose from the cacophony in the hallways. “I wouldn’t even know if a rat had chewed off the ends of her thin strands, that’s how ugly that girl’s haircut is.” A bald boy wearing an Assassin’s Creed shirt loomed over a girl with a pixie cut, who was crying.

He was answered by a larger boy, a seemingly more bulky one. “Quinn, I don’t think that’s how to get over being dumped. Just leave her alone.”

“Hagen, you piece of meat.” Quinn grumbled, leaving the tiny girl to pick up her books from the floor. Hagen gave her the rest of her things and sent her off to class.

When you entered your English class, you heaved a sigh of relief that you were on time. The board saying ‘Hamlet’ assured you that you had reached the correct classroom. The seats were almost all filled except for one placed in front of a green-eyed boy with cropped dark hair.

He was probably the perfect mix of gothic and preppy - his bangs were long enough to fall over his brow, and he wore a barely noticeable layer of eyeliner. His crisp, black button-down, paired with his skinny jeans and black designer boots, served as a stark contrast to the sweat pants and hoodies many of the other male students wore.

You waved politely only to find him idly writing something in a journal. It looked like something in elaborate cursive, and you would’ve looked further if the teacher didn’t begin taking attendance. And if it doing so wouldn’t make you look completely creepy.

Within moments, the teacher began lecturing about one of Shakespeare’s most famous tragedies, calling upon various students to read scenes out loud for the rest of the class. A few kids named Gregory and Falcon read for the parts of Polonius, the chamberlain of Denmark, and Laertes, the son of Polonius.

You were nearly caught by surprise when the teacher invited you to read Ophelia’s lines in front of the class from Act 1, Scene 3 of the play. It wasn’t exactly on your agenda to attract much attention on your first day, but you decided to accept anyways. Standing in front of the class, you read Ophelia’s lines loud and clear while your green-eyed mystery, named Commodus, read Hamlet’s lines with passion. He seemed like he was born for this role.

“Thank you, both of you.” Your teacher applauded both of you after the scene was completed. When you returned to your seat, you saw a hand reach towards you from behind, holding a yellow sticky note. Quickly taking it, you tucked it under your knee before you could get caught.

“Commie’s passing notes in class again,” Gregory taunted, leading the entire class to laugh with him as the boy sitting behind you fumed with embarrassment. “Infatuated with the girl reading Ophelia, he seems to forget when the stage ends and when real life begins.”

The teacher’s eyebrows furrowed at Gregory’s remark. “Y/N, is this true? Did Commodus give you a note?”

“No, not at all,” you lied for him. “He didn’t give me a note at all, I just dropped my sticky notes and he gave them back to me.” Ignoring Gregory’s eye-rolling, the teacher reluctantly accepted your alibi and continued to lecture until the bell rung.

“Nice reading voice.” A boy in a burnt orange jacket offered you a kind smile as you both left the classroom. “You, uh, the new girl?”

“I am, thanks,” you nodded. “And you are?”

“The new boy,” he joked. “Sort of - I came here a few months ago from Australia. Actually Spain’s my homeland - I was born there.”

“So you’re a Spaniard?”

“No, I’m Max, but Spaniard works,” he winked, eliciting a laugh from you. “Want me to walk you to your next class?”

“If it’s not too much trouble for you,” you answered. “You wouldn’t by chance happen to know where World History is?

Max grinned. “That’s just where I’m headed. You looked confused when you entered - thought you could use a friendly face on your first day.”

“Thank you for making me feel a bit more welcome, Max.” You replied, letting him lead you through the crowd of students. Unbeknownst to the both of you, a pair of jealous peridot eyes followed the two of you until you turned the corner and disappeared.

Later that day, when lunchtime came around, your eyes widened at the color and variety of the flavorful dishes being served. It was almost like they were being prepared by gourmet chefs. You couldn’t help but smile at how pretty your tray looked; penne with a creamy tomato sauce, arugula salad with a balsamic vinaigrette, a piece of bread, and freshly cut fruit.

Deciding against the crowded cafeteria, you decided to take a chance to explore some of the other hallways in your new school. You wondered just how big your new school could possibly be. Did they have an indoor pool, a large gymnasium, a library,…or an auditorium? Holding your tray close to your chest, you walked into the large theater. In the center of the breathtakingly colossal stage, you found Commodus sitting cross-legged next to his shoulder bag and a thermos.

“Hello,” you quietly greeted him, approaching the edge of the stage and climbing up.

“Shouldn’t you be eating in the cafeteria?”, he asked, slightly perplexed, looking up from the book he was reading.”No,” you replied, placing your backpack down. “It wasn’t really my scene at my old school. I used to eat in the library or the music room.”

Commodus hummed in acknowledgment, returning to his copy of Dracula and his thermos of black coffee. “Where’s your lunch?” You asked, sitting next to him.

“I don’t usually eat any. I’m too busy.”

You pushed your tray towards him. “Would you like to share some of mine?”

“Yes, thank you.” He ripped off a piece of the bread and dipped it into the pasta sauce before chewing it. Commodus allowed himself a few more bites partially because he didn’t want to seem rude and…you seemed likable.

A few moments of silence took place while the two of you ate before you glanced at the clock. “Well…it’s time for me to go to my next class,” you commented.

“Oh…” His eyes looked slightly downcast when you told him you had to leave. “You look lovely!” You froze at his sudden compliment. “That…that was what I hoped to tell you in that note I gave you. That you look exquisite - your hair, your lips, your eyes- it reminded me of Lady Ophelia when you read her lines. You’re…you look more beguiling than she would be.”

“That’s quite sweet of you, Commodus.” You said with a small smile, flabbergasted. “Thank you, I…I’m quite flattered.”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t like it. Most people don’t understand my references or my vocabulary.” Commodus stammered, relieved that you didn’t find him disturbing for comparing you to a Shakespearean heroine. “Thank you for sharing your lunch and your time with me, Y/N.”  

“Of course,” you extended your hand, expecting to shake his. “It was nice meeting you, Commodus.”

Accepting your gesture, he clasped your hand and softly kissed your knuckles, causing you to blush. Usually, princes from fairytales would do something so chivalrous. “It was nice meeting you too,” Commodus replied.

“I’ll see you later, then.” You carried your tray and backpack and began leaving the auditorium. Commodus watched you leave, hoping that perhaps you wouldn’t be like many of the other new kids, pretending to be nice before getting swept away by the popular students. That perhaps you would be…just as special as he already thought you were.

[officialotakudome]

New Post has been published on Otaku Dome | The Latest News In Anime, Manga, Gaming, Tech, and Geek Culture

New Post has been published on https://otakudome.com/aew-rampage-was-a-rare-pro-wrestling-surprise/

AEW Rampage Was a Rare Pro Wrestling Surprise

AEW made it’s formal conception on January 1, 2019 and has since been making a number of accomplishments since. Including sold out shows, record merch sales, signing major stars, and  breaking one million viewers semi-regularly just to name a few. As we come to closing out the year AEW is looking to continue the highs they’ve been receiving in 2021 with the debut of their second televised program AEW Rampage. An hour series that will act as an equal to it’s sister program AEW Dynamite. And with the show they put on for night one that promise has so far already been kept.

AEW Rampage is a 2021 pro wrestling series produced by AEW & WarnerMedia. It currently airs Fridays at 9:00 AM Central on TNT. 

Editor’s Note: Spoilers for the debut episode of AEW Rampage and potential spoilers for the second episode may be present within this review.

AEW Rampage opened with an amazing match and a shock finish.

Kenny Omega (c) vs Christian Cage for the Impact World Championship:

In the opening (and first ever) contest of AEW Rampage, AEW featured a historic moment in which the Impact World Championship was defended for the very first time on another national wrestling promotion’s television program. AEW, Impact, and AAA World Champion Kenny Omega defended against challenger Christian Cage in a bit of a preview to their upcoming All Out main event match for the AEW World Championship. First just wanted to point out that the Pittsburg crowd was HOT for this show from start to finish. It really goes to show that if you give your audience a bit of respect they often respond in kind. Which is a polar opposite to a lot of WWE crowds who often attack the shows with obnoxious chants such as “What!?” & “CM PUNK!”. But WWE often shows little respect to their audience so it can be a bit forgiven.

Omega and Cage are both rather high level in-ring performers, especially the latter at age 47. AEW typically has their best matches open and close their shows and this philosophy continued on the debut of Rampage. Most of the offense surprisingly came from Christian who was really showing out against Omega who was mainly selling everything. At one point in the match Christian hit Omega with a Spear and had a cool near fall. Finish saw the Young Bucks coming out while Don distracted a ref and they handed Kenny a chair. As Omega was preparing for the One-Winged Angel, Christian turned the tides with a Killswitch on the very chair Omega had prepared for a three count. Omega sold the Killswitch like he was shot and Jungle Boy & Luchasaurus join Cage for the post-match celebration.

Winner AND NEW Impact World Champion Christian Cage: **** 1/2 stars

Beloved jobber Fuego del Sol gained a life changing victory in defeat.

Following the commercial break with get Mark Henry interviewing Cage with Jungle Boy & Luchasaurus having A Little Bit of the Bubbly. Cage said Kenny caused him to bring everything he had and felt he wasn’t going to win. He then states that if he gave him so much trouble for the Impact title it’ll be next to impossible for him to win the AEW title, but the victory has Cage in Omega’s head. Next match is God’s Favorite Champion Miro taking on everybody’s favorite jobber Fuego del Sol for the TNT Championship. If Sol wins he’ll be signed to an AEW contract.

Fuego del Sol vs Miro (c) for the TNT Championship:

If you’re even remotely apart of AEW’s social media circles you’ve probably heard of the rise of Fuego del Sol fka Kage. Sol began wrestling in a trampoline fed on Youtube prior to pursing his dreams on the independent circuit. Fuego; real life best friend of rising AEW star Sammy Guevara found his way to the promotion through recommendation working AEW Dark during their stay at Daily’s Place during the pandemic. Fuego also had a starring role in Guevara’s vlog entitled “Sammy’s Vlog” in which he films & documents his & his friends & co-workers’ real lives and careers as a professional wrestlers. Fuego became a fan-favorite due to his likable personality and optimism. AEW took notice of Fuego’s skyrocketing popularity and often had him featured on Dark and occasionally on flagship series Dynamite. The running gag of Sammy’s Vlog was Fuego’s real-life quest for a contract despite his losing streak and the fact that he also worked at Burger King to support his family while on PPA (pay per appearances) bookings with AEW.

Sammy stated many times that the goal of his vlog was to help his friends and guests to establish a gimmick, place to explore personality, and an opportunity to reach an audience basically to help wrestlers get over. And it’s kind of poetic that Fuego is one of the first to truly accomplish those goals. Fuego is now a hit on social media with many of his tweets gaining five digit numbers in likes something that’s rather unheard of from someone who’s had no real presence in the WWE. Now that we’ve gotten to the background of Fuego and the importance of this storyline (apologies for being so long winded about it) we can move on to the match itself. 

This was more or less a squash match, but the point was to get Fuego over in front of a big crowd. As the match began Fuego showed his bravery by hitting Miro with a variation of the Tornado DDT his finishing move of which he is the master. Fuego goes for a pin but only got a one count, he follows up with a second Tornado DDT as the crowd goes ballistic in cheers and Miro wisely rolls out of the ring. Commentary reminds people at home that if Fuego wins via count out he may not win the title but he will in fact still win the AEW contract. Miro unfortunately gets back into the ring at nine only to be hit with THIRD Tornado DDT at this stage the crowd is all over Fuego. He goes for a pin, but gets a very close near fall. As Miro recovers he nails Fuego with the Bulgarian Drop & Thrust Kick followed by the Game Over submission for the win.

Winner and still AEW TNT Champion Miro: *** stars

AEW Women’s World Champion returned to Brittsburg in the main event.

Miro celebrates and rips the contract as we head to commercial. Returning from the break Fuego recovers from his heartbreaking loss as the Pittsburg crowd gives him a standing ovation for his efforts. Commentary is selling the idea that this is Fuego’s final official appearance in AEW as they’re back on a touring schedule. Suddenly, Sammy Guevara’s music hits and he appears (briefly) with Tony Khan who hands him a mic and clipboard. Sammy tells Fuego that despite losing he may have still won. Reminding him of his disappointing win-loss record, he tells him it doesn’t matter as the fans and the wrestlers in the back all love him. Realizing what’s about to go down Fuego starts ugly crying as Sammy tells Fuego that Tony Khan wanted himself as his best friend to inform him that as of tonight he is officially All Elite and the crowd goes nuts. In an interview with Sports Illustrated Tony Khan stated that this was 100% shoot and that only Sammy knew Fuego was getting signed regardless of his loss. If you’ve followed Fuego’s journey from the beginning or middle where he made his AEW it really shows that anyone can get themselves over if they work hard enough and have the right platform. Contrastingly, in WWE if you get over without being their chosen guy or gal you’re punished for it being viewed as “having gone into business for yourself”. A testament to this is the infamous rise of Matt Cardona fka Zach Ryder who rose to fame with his “Z! True Long Island Story” Youtube series and had a fundamental role in teaching pro wrestlers to use the internet and social media to work for themselves to get over and would go on to inspire shows such as BTE (Being the Elite) & Sammy’s Vlog.

Cardona would regularly embarrassed and buried on WWE TV after a pity run with the WWE United States Championship rarely finding success beyond point for the remainder of his run in the promotion. Reports stated that morale among talent hit a record low, Cardona’s best friend Impact Wrestling star Brian Myers was also quoted as saying WWE “would hold “brass ring” pep talks every WrestleMania that suddenly stopped once Cardona got over”. So in short, unless you’re their flavor of the week/month/year WWE won’t take it kindly if you work hard and gain a following without their say. Whereas AEW (and virtually every other promotion ever) will do the compete opposite and show support, but enough of the rant it’s time for the main event.

Red Velvet vs Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D for the AEW Women’s World Championship:

Fuego wasn’t the only new signee of the night.

As the match starts Velvet is understandingly thrown off by the boos. More confusingly Velvet is working as a babyface for much of the match, rectifies this when she begins working Britt’s wrist. Obviously, Britt is the heel, but for the sake if the circumstances I’m glad Velvet played into being the baddie for the night. Also can I just say how crazy it’s been seeing Red Velvet grow as an in ring performer? I’ve seen her since her debut on Dark and basically followed through since her debut on Dynamite with Cody against Jade Cargill and Shaq. She’s still fairly fresh and young as a worker, but has really shown off her potential especially here. Lots of back and forth offense from Britt and Red. The finish saw Britt attempting the Lockjaw with the hurt wrist, but once Velvet escapes she brilliantly reverses it with her opposite arm for the submission. 

Winner and still AEW Women’s World Champion Britt Baker: **** stars

While Britt celebrates she beats down Velvet who comes back only to be beat down again by the returning Jamie Hayter with a new look. Hayter had a bit run on AEW Dark & NXT UK prior to her return as a full-time AEW talent. Britt had been hinting that she was opening up a bodyguard position and Hayter will fit that role moving forward. AEW Rampage’s debut was an extremely strong show with fantastic matches and excellent storytelling. This Friday is surprisingly going to be even more important, as unless you’ve been living under a rock “The First Dance” in the United Center will be the host of the long-awaited return of CM Punk to pro wrestling and not as an analyst as an in-ring talent. AEW and Punk himself are barely trying to throw fans off of what is undoubtedly going to be a legendary moment for them in their short time alive. 2021 has been very good to AEW and pro wrestling as a whole and it’s not slowing down anytime soon. AEW gives AEW Rampage’s debut episode an 80 out of 100.

[inctlife]

when wayv know they wanted to marry you

kun:

so,,, things had been kinda rough for kun :( like he was practising 24/7 and he was also on a pretty strict diet so he was just physically and mentally EXHAUSTED and like there’d just been a really tiring day at practise and all the boys started to go home, but kun was like ‘nah i’m gonna stay’

ANd tHen after like 4 hours (it was late at this point,, like almost midnight??) and he came home and there was just an overwhelming smell of delicious food and he could hear the boys laughing and talking lovingly and when he walked in he saw that you had made dinner for the members and now were talking about their day while you stroked xiaojun’s hair to help him sleep and kun almost started crying

like where tf else would he find someone that loves him AND cares for his members THIS MUCH dude

and that night you left after having lots of kisses from ur bf and kun brought it up to the boys and they were all cheering and were just so supportive :(

ten:

sO,, ten and winwin were doing this new extravagant dance like they do and they were adding So Many New Parts to Impress The Fans but !!! dundun!! while doing a funky jump turn thing ten fell and landed STRAIGHT on his injured knee

he was in AGONY,, like screaming and tears AGONY and winwin calls an ambulance and then calls you because he doesnt know what else to do lol and you’re like ‘wHAT’ because that’s ur baby and he’s in AGONY

so you get the hospital and you see ten waiting with winwin and he’s in a wheelchair bent over and clutching his knee and when he sees you he almost cries and is like ‘my love!!! help!!!’ and you just walk over and slap him round the head

winwin is shook tbh,, like proper :O,, but ten just starts laughing and his heart swells as you start pouring out complaints and nagging him about his safety bc he knew he’s been injured before!! what makes him think it wouldnt happen this time!! and he just smiles and thinks ‘i have to marry this person’

winwin:

so y’all were invited to kun’s wedding (ofc?) and you had been invited to be kun’s wife’s bridesmaid!!! you and ten’s and lucas’s girlfriends!! and so, you and winwin (after eating breakfast together) didnt see each other for the whole morning as you were rushed off to kun’s wife’s room to get ready and the boys stayed with kun

and you had your hair and makeup done and you got into your bridesmaids dress and you were a bit pouty because ??look how fucking beautiful the rest of these girls are???? and you wanted to get married and wear a vale!!!!

finaLLY it came time for kun’s wife to walk down the aisle, and you were walking with lucas’s girlfriend behind the bride and while kun had his moment,, so did winwin.

his jaw just dropped, but you didn’t even notice because you were giggling (and tearing up) at kun’s reaction to his wife but what you didnt even know!! ur fucking boyfriend was sat there wiping subtle tears away because he KNOWS now, he’s gonna marry you.

lucas:

sO. your boy. the visual KING that he is. was invited to another one of these foreign fashion events and he was like ‘alright ig🤪🤪’ and you went with him cause they were offering him a +1 and free holiday?? yes please???? but what you Did Not sign up for was being at lucas’s hip through all these events????????????

so NeWay, yeah you had to do that. and lucas was pretty nervous because he will just never get over the shock of being invited to something big like this, but this time he was just slightly less nervous because ur by his side🥺

but. in true xuxi/yukhei/lucas fashion. he does something a lil embarrassing :(,, and as he slowly starts to realise what’s just happened (you being on exactly the same wavelength) he gets a lil red in the face and you just thunk ‘fuck it’ and do the same thing so he is nOT ALONE. it’s US. in this shit for the RIDE OR DIE.

and lucas is shocked but as the two of you start giggling literally everyone else in the room disappears and he just thinks ‘i can’t wait to marry her’🥺

xiaojun:

sO,, you and dejun had been together for a WHILE, like i mean a full hot minute,, but he’d always been kinda secretive about his family?? like you’d met them several times but both they and dejun never told you anything much about them??? and you just kinda let it slide cause there was obviously smth that he didnt want you knowing and you werent about to poke

and THEN,, one day,, you’re in dejun’s hometown and he’s like ‘get dressed nice and pretty! going to a concert’ and you’re like ‘WOOO!! LETS GO’ and you get dressed up and you and xiaojun walk to this kinda small venue and get drinks and shit and xiaojun’s looking kinda nervous?? so ur like ‘babe its okay,, i’m sure i’ll enjoy it’

and then!! the person comes on stage and you realise it’s a drag act,, very entertaining!! and then, after looking closer,, you realised it was dejun’s dad, as in,, the one you’ve had dinner with MULTIPLE TIMES and you just turned to ur boyfriend and were like ‘your dad!!!!!!’ and he smiled because you looked so excited!!!!

and dejun almost cried because you were so supportive and that was the one thing for him bc if you didnt support his dad’s career than this would not have worked and for him this was like something in his heart just going ‘she’s the one!!’

hendery:

so similar to xiaojun,, for hendery family was really important!! not that he was hiding anything about them? but you’d only met his family a couple of times and never all together, so when kunhang invited you to come to his mum’s birthday where EVERYONE was gonna be there,,, you were highkey nervous

but so was he lmao he aint gonna lie.. so!! you two flew out to macau a couple days before her birthday so you could settled and the first thing that happened was his sisters wanted to take you guys out for dinner!!! and you went to quite a posh restaurant,, cause that’s the kinda family they are😎 so you were kinda bricking it,, but at the same time the food was GOOD and kunhang’s hand stayed on your knee the WHOLE time

not that he needed that though because his sisters LOVED YOU like he literally got pushed to hang out with his sisters’ boyfriends bc you and his sisters were all gossiping so much and then when you finished your meal you went and had a little photoshoot under the moon and the pretty city lights and later that night as you were asleep next to him,, kunhang looked back over the photos and was just like “wow. my love”

and that was IT he decided RIGHT THERE to marry you.

yangyang:

so you and yangyang had recently moved in with each other,, him finally being the last one to move out the shitty dorm,, and so this was only around the 2nd week that he was coming home from practise to you and your dog and your two cats!!!

when he walked through the door, your dog, finneas, ran up to yangyang and was all happy like dogs are and yangyang was happy too!! and he could smell the dinner that was ready but you weren’t in the living room like you normally were and instead,, yangyang heard your proper, real, ugly laugh coming from the bedroom and he ran over and was like ‘i am home!!!’

and you were laying on the bed, practically in tears and he was like ‘what’s so funny😂😂’ cause he’s like that. and you were like ROLLING AROUND but when yangyang got over to you,, it was a tiktok of someone reacting to a comment that said ‘hi peepeehead’ but you know? he had to laugh because that shit was making you SCREAM and that alone was funny to him

and he just couldnt help but wonder how much more joy you’d bring him,, and he was not about to be left with any regrets😤,, took his boys and bought himself a ring the next week

[lombredanslaeu]

hourglass | lee jeno

▸angst, fluff i guess??

▸ summary: sometimes, love just ain’t enough.

▸ WARNING: eating disorder, depression, body dysmorphia, starvation. if any of the above triggers you or if you are not comfortable, please refrain from reading the story. 

All your life, you never really cared about your weight. As an engineering student and a part-time musical theatre actor, you never had the reason to be conscious of your body. Engineering required only your brain; no one cared what you wore or what you looked like in class. Musical theatre didn’t have as much standards for appearance than it does with vocals. Your body wasn’t that bad anyway. You were considered skinny by some and many grew envy about how you could eat so much and not gain a pound immediately. However, your perception of your body changed the day you started dating Lee Jeno.

You met Jeno when his company’s CEO decided to treat its artists with tickets to a Wicked show. You got the greatest opportunity of playing Elphaba; with your impeccable vocal talent, it wasn’t an effort to grace the stage and awe the audience. Your production always valued you not only because of your talent, but also because of your warm personality. You first made eye contact with Jeno when his company’s CEO took them backstage to meet the cast after the show. You had time to talk for a while as the CEO became deep in dialogue with the show’s director. It was Taeil who first initiated a conversation with you as the others, especially the youngsters, were too shy to start a conversation with anyone. As everyone warmed up with the other casts, you never failed to notice how Jeno was love-struck with you.

“Wow, your voice is defying the laws of gravity,” another member, Johnny, said to you.

You blushed and shook off the compliment. “Thank you so much. That meant so much to me.”

Everyone scurried off to different areas on the backstage. You were caught off-guard when one of the younger members, Jeno, talked beside you.

“How long have you been performing?” He asked.

“Only just for a year. I wasn’t planning on making this long-term. I only wanted to play a few shows here and there.” You explained. “but, I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity of being Elphaba.”

“That was one of the greatest performance I’ve seen in so long.” He said. “I actually really enjoy musical theatre.”

“Really?” You asked, shocked by his confession. “What’s your favorite musical?”

“It used to be Cats,” He said, smiling shyly. “But I think know it’s Wicked.”

“Oh please,” You chuckled. “Cats is a really good show.”

He looked at you, laughing shyly. “Do you like frozen yogurt?”

“I like frozen yogurt,” You smiled.

It wasn’t long before you found yourself going on secret dates with the heartthrob. You would bond over coffee, books, and broadway musicals. You never knew he liked musicals. There would days where he would help you practice songs for your next show and you would watch him practice a choreography for a comeback. You both found the one thing that kept you closer and closer: the love for performing.

“Seeing the happy faces of my fans is one thing,” He started, staring off into the night. “But the look on my parents’ as they say how proud they are of me, is what keeps me going.”

You stared at his side profile and swallowed a lump in your throat. “They have every reason to be proud of you.”

He turned his head to meet your eyes. His eyes lingered on yours for a while before looking down at your lips. You blushed at the feeling he had over you.

“You’re really pretty.” He started. The statement took you by surprise. Not a lot of people tell you that you’re pretty but, if it comes from Jeno, any other doesn’t matter anymore.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” You chuckled. You’re not lying. Jeno has the looks that could make anyone wrapped around his fingers. “I feel like I don’t deserve to be under your gaze.”

“Of course you deserve to be looked at.” He said, more seriously this time. “I could build a gallery of you but that would give me more competitors so, I won’t do that.”

“Jeno, if you wanna kiss me, just do it.” You said. You wanted to punch yourself for what you just said. Normally, you would freak out and leave from embarrassment. But now, you held your gaze stronger. You had no idea where the courage came from.

And he did. He kissed you like you were the only thing that mattered. It didn’t end there. Later that night, he showed you how beautiful you are.

Sometimes, he would sneak out, with a member or two, to watch one of your shows. He would stare in awe at how people give you their applause. As the spotlight shine down on you, it was like he was seeing a goddess grace everyone with her beauty.

“Dude, if you don’t ask her out, I’m really gonna do it,” His friend, Jaemin, announced beside him.

“I already beat you into it, punk.” He responded boastfully. The shocked look on his friend’s face made him laugh.

Your peaceful relationship was cut short when his boss found out about the thing going on between you two. To say you were shocked by his calm and accepting nature would be an understatement. His company approved of your relationship. It was like the stars have aligned just for the both of you. The news broke out and spread like wildfire on the internet that night. You were too busy rejoicing with your lover that you failed to notice the threats and harsh comments of furious fans until the next morning.

You were supposed to wake up with the bird chirping and the sun shining just for you. However, you found yourself with an unfamiliar feeling in your gut. It was as if you were scared to do anything and go outside. You knew how ugly criticism from fans could be. You understood that many would not approve of your relationship but you accepted that. His company accepted the relationship and his future in NCT is not affected. At the end of the day, the comments would just float around the internet and disappear before you know it.

“You can block off the comments, you know,” He said.

“Yeah, but I think criticism can always help me improve,” You said. You didn’t want him to hate his fans.

“Those aren’t criticisms, Y/N” He replied. “Those are bashful comments.”

“It’s okay, Jeno.” You smiled, pecking his lips. “I can manage.”

 --

Outfits are an important part in musical theatre. They distinguish which character is which, even if the actor is an understudy. You were casted as Regina George in the musical remake of the hit movie, Mean Girls. The director and costume head requested you wear a crop top and skirt for the role and you said yes; after all, you liked really girly outfits. You were looking over your closet and picked out items that might fit the role. You tried on an outfit that you think was a good combination. You looked at yourself in the mirror and felt a slight wave of worry come across your chest. Jeno’s fans might see your show. What would they think if they saw your body was no match to any female idol that Jeno has interacted with? You walked over to your phone and searched up healthy diets for a good figure.

 --

Jeno had a day off and he wanted to see you practice your songs. You both sat at the couch of your small apartment with lyrics sheet in front of you.

“I wanna have pizza for lunch. What kind do you want?” He asked, fishing his phone out of his pocket to order.

“Oh nothing, I’m kinda watching my figure.” You said, looking down to avoid his eyes. You’re still not comfortable in telling people about your diet, especially to Jeno.

“Are you sure? You can burn those off in work outs anyway.” he said, concern washing over his eyes. It worried him that you weren’t eating. Food was one of the things you both bonded over. You had a fancy palette. He thought it was best to trust in you for now.

“I promise. Olivia makes very good hearty meals. I will eat dinner later.” You said.

With so much going on between theatre and your college life, there is only so much you could do in your free time. Working out would take so much of time and with deadlines as the semester is ending, you couldn’t find any time for it. So, you resulted in skipping meals. You only had two more weeks until the Mean Girls show. You just had to make sure your stomach was flat till the end of the production.

“Do you think my cheeks are too full?” You said to Jeno, squishing your face in front of the mirror.

“I think they suit you.” He said before pinching your cheeks. “It’s also really fun to squish.”

“Ouch,” You chuckled before playfully slapping his wrists away.

“You don’t have to worry about them.” He said, wrapping his arms around you. “They make you who you are.”

“That’s very cheesy, babe,” You said while chuckling.

“Y/N, you don’t have to change because other people wants you to.” He replied, more serious this time. “I’ll make sure you believe that you’re the prettiest girl that I’ve ever seen.”

 --

You were stuck with a question on your Physics quiz. You hadn’t eaten anything since you woke up. While you were standing in front of your mirror, you liked how flat your stomach was. The first show happens tomorrow night and you planned on keeping your body that way until then. The lack of food in your system resulted in your brain not working well. You spent many sleepless nights studying for Physics. Usually, you would have solved this problem in under 5 minutes but right now, you only had a minute left in your quiz and you just can’t seem to figure out what to do. On top of that, you were feeling very light-headed. The ding of your professor’s alarm struck a sharp pain from your ears to your head. You winced as you struggled to stand up. Your seatmate looked over to you, checking if you were okay but you smiled it off. You also regretted telling Jeno about your stupid diet because all he did was bug you if you ate already.

jenobear [11:34 am]: babeee, did u eat already??

jenobear [11:34 am]: oops i forgot u have ur quiz. good luck, love <333

jenobear [11:35 am]: make sure u eat, ok?? I love you.

You sighed and typed out an answer. You said you already ate. You hated lying to him but him being overseas made it easier for you somehow. The night of the show came at last. You sat backstage as Olivia helped you with your hair.

“You look pale. Are you okay?” She asked, concerned.

“Yeah, just a bit light-headed.” You replied. “It’s not like I haven’t performed with a headache before.”

“Okay, sure,” She sighed. She knew you too well. You didn’t like to be bugged with questions, especially if you’re preparing for a show. “Wanna eat at that new wings place? Heard it’s really good.”

“Sure, I could need some wings after the show.” You replied. All you needed was to be in shape for a few hours.

The crowd roared their applause as you, and the other casts, bowed as the show reached its end. You felt a migraine creep up your head and you knew its because you haven’t consumed as much food as you needed to lately. It also felt weird that it made you a bit nauseous when your eyes met the spotlight. You were glad bottles of water is all around the backstage. You picked up your phone and smiled to see messages from Jeno and the other members as well.

jenobear [9:30 pm]: never not proud of you. congrats on your show, love. <3

Lee Haechan [9:45 pm]: Y/N!!! Congrats on your show. I’m sure it’s amazing!

Kim Doyoung [9:50 pm]: Sorry I wasn’t able to go, Y/N. I’m sure you did great tonight, Regina George :)

You smiled and thanked them. You decided you wanted to call Jeno but a notification from a social media site distracted you. One of Jeno’s fans came to see the show and posted pictures of you with the caption “Y/N is very talented! I hope to see more of her shows soon~~” You blushed at the compliment. You know you shouldn’t have but you looked at the replies under the post. Your heart fluttered at the sweet compliments. You thought maybe dating an idol isn’t so bad after all. Over the sea of praise come a harsh comment that caught your eye. “I’m sure her vocals are amazing but she should work on her body.” , “Regina George wouldn’t have a match stick figure.” , “she’s kinda bloated. If only she worked on her love handles, I would like her.” You felt a sickly feeling to your stomach. You took each and every word to heart. You scrolled back up to look at the picture the original poster took. You zoomed in on your body and saw what they were talking about. The girls who played Gretchen and Karen, your character’s fellow mean girls, had Barbie doll bodies. Their curves hit at the right places and they had slim legs. You knew that you shouldn’t let this affect you. You have talent, you have personality. But, you also wanted Jeno’s fans to like you. That led you to texting Olivia to cancel your chicken wings plan.

 --

You prepped yourself to see Jeno again after 2 months. He had schedule after schedule and his team went overseas for at least 2 weeks. You limit your diet to soy milk and water. You looked at yourself in the mirror and you could see the changes. Jeno would definitely notice as well but, you liked how you looked. Your jawline was prominent, your waist was thinner, and even your legs got slimmer. It wasn’t easy slipping out of Olivia’s invites for take out and dinner but you managed, somehow. You started to notice how concerned she got each day, especially this morning.

“I grabbed you breakfast, it’s an omurice.” she said, with a warm smile.

“I can’t eat rice, I’m watching my weight.” You said, slurping down the soy milk.

“Since when did you care about your weight?” She asked.

“Since I realized that my body wasn’t in the right shape.” You made sure none of the words came out as bitter or else, she will suspect something was wrong. She didn’t stop bugging you and it started to make you cranky so you just gave in. After consuming the omurice, you couldn’t deny that you felt better. But the guilt started kicking in and the next thing you know, you’re sticking two fingers down your throat in an attempt to vomit what you just consumed. You stared at the mess on the sink and that’s when you knew something was wrong.

 --

“I missed you so much,” Jeno said, as he held you close to his body.

“How are you, my favorite boy?” You stared lovingly to his eyes.

“A bit tired,” He said, taking off his cap and fixing his hair. “But I slept the whole flight.”

“Do you want to just chill here?” You asked. Everyone in the door went to see a movie with the older members. Jeno and Jisung chose to stay behind since they had plans. He snuggled closer to your body. He noticed how your body didn’t feel familiar. He could definitely tell that you were losing weight.

“I am a bit hungry though,” He responded. He wanted to see you eat. It worried him to the core about thin you were looking lately. It wasn’t obvious when you two would FaceTime but it was more apparent in person. He felt you shift slightly at his response. He spoke before you could. “Have you been trying to lose weight?”

“I just wanted to be more fit.” You said, your heart beating faster each time you lie. “I’m working out.”

As someone who works out to maintain his body, Jeno knew well that your body wasn’t a result of working out. But as someone who cares about their appearance, Jeno also knew that he shouldn’t jump into major conclusions yet. He knew how horrible the talk about weight is and he didn’t want to put you through it. Besides, he knew you and he knows that you wouldn’t lie to him.

You felt conflicted as you noticed that Jeno was becoming concerned about how thin you got. To make him believe that you were well, you agreed in eating take-out with him for lunch. You know what to do after, anyway. As you wait for him to finish showering, you decided to check your social media accounts. You tapped on instagram to replied to a comment Olivia wrote on your new post. You laughed silently at how your friends gave funny compliments. Your eyes browsed through the comment sections. Normally, it would be filled with comments about your face, body, and how you didn’t deserve Jeno. This time, it was filled with compliments about how great you look. “I wish I had her body :(“, “Body goals oh my god”, “SKINNY LEGEND QUEEN”. You felt your cheeks blush at the compliments. You realized that the thinner you got, the more you got full of praise. You intend to keep it that way.

 --

Jeno scrolled through his twitter feed and saw an article from a k-pop news page. It was an article about your drastic weight loss. He looked at the pictures included in the article. There were pictures of you from months ago with your old body. Jeno reminisced the first time you met. You looked healthy and happy. You didn’t have the curviest figure, but you were healthy. Following the old pictures were recent pictures of you, both from your recent social media posts and pictures from fans during your latest theatre shows. Your ribs were more prominent and it created a tidal wave of concern to wash over Jeno. He didn’t realize how much he missed the old you. The one who was never scared to try different food. Now, it was like every time he asked you to eat with him, you always refuse. But, he was too kind to base a fight over your appearance.

 --

You sat across the couch with Olivia. You two decided to watch the latest season of The Office.

“Wait, let me use the bathroom for a while” She announced. While she did her business, a phone on the coffee table in front of you lit up. Your phone was laid beside hers so you looked over to see it was her phone that had the notification. What you didn’t expect was who sent her the message.

You have one new message from Lee Jeno.

You didn’t know what to think. It would be immature of you to accuse them of being unfaithful when you don’t know what the message contained. But why would she text him? Why would he text her? As in on cue, Olivia came back from the bathroom.

“Uhm, Liv” You started. “Why are you texting Jeno?”

She stared at you. She knew what you would think but she promised Jeno she wouldn’t tell you about what they were talking about.

“Oh, you know what?” You said suddenly. “It doesn’t matter. You two can be friends and I trust both of you.” You tried so hard not to sound jealous because you weren’t. Olivia is like a sister to you.

You knew well that she wouldn’t betray you like that. She smiled slightly and offered you the popcorn. You shook your head and she snapped.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Y/N” She said. You were caught off guard by her outburst. “You wanna know why I’m texting Jeno?”

You gulped, maybe you don’t want to know why. You changed so much of yourself to please him, his fans, and his management. If they betrayed you like this, you wouldn’t know what to do.

“You’re starving yourself, haven’t you?” She asked, her eyes burning holes into your skull.

“I-I’m not…” You stuttered. You thought you were good at lying but apparently, you’re not.

“Really?” She said. “Ever since you started dating Jeno, all you cared about was your weight. We don’t eat out anymore. We don’t cook anymore. What bothered you? Is it him? Is it the fans?”

You know you could never blame anyone, but yourself. It wasn’t their fault you turned out this way. It was one thing to hear about your weight loss from concerned fans, but it was another when it’s coming out of your best friend’s mouth. You didn’t realize that tears were falling out. The moment Olivia wrapped her arms around you, everything collapsed. All the pressure, the frustration that built up inside of you for so long. The urge of wanting to eat, to feel what it was like to taste again. The anger you felt for yourself for letting it become this bad. It all collapsed and fell from your eyes.

 --

“Here, there isn’t a lot of sugar in that,” Jeno offered you some cookies. You decided to visit him in the recording studio. You were doing so well. You decided to enrol yourself in a support group, as well, and you’ve never missed a single meeting. But you knew you were only forcing it. You saw Olivia and Jeno cry over your situation. It was unfair that you bring them into your mess. Maybe if you say you’re fine loud enough, you’ll believe it.

“I’m proud of you.” His eyes sparkled as he said those word to you.

“I love you.” You responded, before leaning in for his lips.

It took everything in Jeno to let you know how much he loves you. By the way his lips merge with yours and how his hands worshiped every crevice of your body. Each touch symbolizes that you are the most beautiful person he had ever laid his eyes on. You knew that; but, you wish you could believe it. With every praise that heat your cheeks, comes a wave of hate that consumes it all. Will a beautiful body make it all better for you?  

You hurried to your bathroom the second you got home. Olivia was out to her boyfriend’s night, leaving you alone with your habits. As your fingers hit the spot on your throat, you felt the hot bile rise from your stomach. It burned and left a sour taste to the back of your mouth; and you loved it. You missed the sensation of your stomach being empty. You never knew how much you liked the feeling of being empty until you felt it again.

 --

“Am I not enough for you” Jeno spoke, his eyes attached to his hands that are clasped in front of him.

“What are you saying, babe?” You asked. You tried to see where this was going. You made you sure every lie that came out of your mouth was believable; why is he saying those things?

“I try so hard to make sure everything I do for you is enough,” He said. It was obvious in his demeanor that he was tired. “I worry about you all the time. The members try so hard to cover up for me every time I needed to tend to you.”

You chuckled, “So what is this? You’re telling me I’m a pity party?”

“No,” He shook his head, not believing the attitude you’re giving him. Frustration was starting to let itself be known on his features. “What else could you possibly want? I give you love, I give you space. I get tired as well, you know.”

That’s when it dawned on you. Love is not enough. Love won’t come magically and heal everything. Jeno could give you all the love in the world but it won’t be the remedy. Love doesn’t fix everything. You can’t just go up to a broken person and expect romance would suddenly want them to dance on their grave. It doesn’t work that way. You never had the courage to tell him that. In retrospect, you wish you had it in you to say it.

“You’re enough for me, Jeno.” You said quitely. You didn’t know what else to say. All this time, you never blamed him. But here he is now, throwing it all back at you. You still won’t blame him though, he doesn’t know what it feels like; you’re glad he doesn’t know how it feels like.

“I don’t know how to help you if you can’t help yourself.” He said, sighing as if he has given up. Maybe he has given up. The people who left you before has taught you to swallow every plead to make them stay. That’s the only think you could stomach to swallow right now - the words to make him fight a little longer. You didn’t know how much long it would be for you to be okay, or if you could actually be okay. But, you knew better than to run after others when you can’t even stand for yourself. Some nights, you feel yourself drown in cold sweat. Your body felt like it could give up on you any minute. You laid still and wait; but it never came. You wondered how much longer.

Jeno has a bright future ahead of him. The news of him being single again gave him new schedules that would give him exposure to different opportunities. He didn’t regret leaving. He still occasionally see your musical shows just to check how you are. You will never know this but he hopes it’s always sunny wherever you are.

a/n: i hope you liked this. this hit close to home. i would like to remind you that if you are experiencing symptoms of any mental illness, please check with a professional. mental health is a topic that i hold deeply in my heart since i have experience from mental illnesses. i would also like to remind everyone to always be kind to others - whether it would be our friends, people we don’t like, and even idols. let’s not contribute to anything that could affect them negatively. as always, feedback and requests are always appreciated. love u all <33

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

[theamberwriter]

Hello! For the prompt list... Maybe 98 and 107 for Bakugou?

[I was very excited that someone actually did a request. So I ended up writing it all in one sitting, lol Thank you so much for requesting! I hope you like it <3]

Word Count: 2480

Warnings: Honestly, this got a little dark. Prompts: 98 - “Don’t stand up here and pretend to be proud of me!” 107 - “I like your face.”

The day had finally come. The one you’d anticipated for your entire life. Your UA high graduation, where you’d officially become a hero. A real, actual, licensed pro! It’d been a long, tough road to get here. You were grateful to your friends for supporting you this far.

Your palms sweat as you heard the road of the crowd. You had graduated second in your class. That made you extra proud, but also extremely nervous. You sat, listening to the principal as he congratulated you all on your hard work. All the pros were there, even small form All Might. Everyone gave a small speech. 

But then, something up expected happened. Up walked a face you'd known well. Who was a year older than you, who had became a great friend in the two years you'd known him.

"Now, we have a little surprise for you all," announced principal Nezu as he returned to the podium. "When he went here, he was known as Katsuki Bakugo. I know you all know him already. He did great things while he was here, his class went through many trials. But, since he's left UA, he's done even greater things and made name for himself - as Ground Zero."

There was a deafening roar as Katsuki stepped up to the podium. A few disgruntled grumbles coming from your peers. Katsuki stood with his infamous smirk. Looking extremely dapper in his suit. His hair still looking like a blond explosion. Your heart skipped a beat.

"Thanks, principal Nezu," Katsuki said, you could hear the strain in his voice. He was trying really, really hard to be friendly. To be the kind of charismatic guy he needed to be as a hero. "During my last two years at UA, I was sought out by a dorky, little, first-year wimp. They may have been a weakling, but they had an incredible quirk of their own. I never thought we'd be friends. But I wouldn't be standing here, as a friend or as a hero, if we'd never been. They're second in your class, by just a half-point. And I've got a surprise for ‘em, since they stuck it out so long. [Name] get your ass up here." 

"You have got to be kidding me," you muttered, moving out of line. You sprinted up to the front and up the stairs. You were going to murder Katsuki once this was over.

He immediately threw his arm, which had bulked up considerably since he'd graduated, around your shoulders. He pulled you into a tight side-hug, whispering, "I'm proud of you, kid."

Your heart rate picked up. You could feel heat in your face. You looked down at your shoes. Grateful you'd hadn't tripped and fallen to make things worse. You couldn’t understand why Katsuki was here, and why he’d decided to do the single thing you out. Or why Principal Nezu had even let it happen.

"I thought we'd share today with people who are just as happy for you. Just as proud of you," he announced. "Two heroes that have a place in people's hearts -"

You looked at him, your heart jostling in anxiety. Your knees quaked, your palms slicking more than they’d been. "Please tell me you didn't."

"Your parents, Oracle and Vaporwave." Katsuki gestured over the left. And out walked two people you'd dreaded seeing - your parents. They were all happy. All smiles. Acting as if years of mental and emotional torment hadn't happened.

"Katsuki, you shouldn't have," you muttered, trying to pull away from his grip. He didn't know. You hadn't told him. You’d only shared this with one person. "Like really, you shouldn't -"

He shrugged. Proudly stating, "It was nothing."

Katsuki pushed you towards your parents. You walked slowly. Trying to keep the time until you had to hug them as long as possible. There was a reason you'd chosen to live with your aunt in an entirely different town. Your parents beamed at you. And then, before you knew it before you were ready, they hugged you. You tried your best not to recoil. You had to play it cool. At least until you were off stage.

"We're so proud," your father said in your ear. "It's about time you were useful."

“But number two, really?” scoffed your mother as she hugged you. “You should’ve been better.”

Your parents pulled you to the microphone. You stood numbly, unhearing. Staring out at a million smudges of color. Sinking back into your childhood. Where you were a doll, a decoration. Trained to smile so you looked like a happy family to the public.

"We're so proud of [Name]," your mother said, fake sniffling. Her crocodile tears didn't fool you. You knew she was an ugly crier. "Ever since they were small. We knew they'd grow up to be someone great."

"We spent every second we could grooming and preparing [Name] to be a great hero," your father continued. Each word put another building block of anger in you. Filling you up, tempting you to overflow. Just a little longer. "We're so proud. And we're glad you all finally get to see what we saw all those years ago. Why I remember many fond times -"

He was going to go on a tangent with fake family memories. They'd rehearsed them, you knew it. They were going to keep up this image of a happy family. Like you were fine. Like you weren’t just the unwanted child of a mother, paid off to have a baby and keep her mouth shut. As your father kept droning on about the fake memory, you hit your tipping point. You wouldn't let them fool anyone anymore. 

"Shut up," you uttered. You could feel the control you’d worked so hard on slipping.

Your father looked at you. "What?"

"I said," you started lowly, then shouted, "SHUT. UP!!"

Katsuki tried to put a hand on your shoulder, but you slapped it away. You shot him a warning glare. You could see the anger and confusion in his eyes. You didn’t have a reason to be mad at him. Especially when it was your fault you’d never told him. 

Your mother smiled with fake patience. "Now, honey, we know this is embarrassing. But you've done so well -"

"What's embarrassing is having parents who didn't want me!" you yelled, the entire stadium went quiet. "After what you put me through - Don’t stand up here and pretend to be proud of me. Don’t stand up here and pretend you didn’t do what he did. Don’t pretend like you didn’t pull that same crap as Endeavor!”

You have the same sad sob story as Endeavor’s boy, you heard your mother’s smug words to you echoed in the back of your head. Isn’t it just pathetic? Isn’t it just sad? We’re the real losers here. Paying off that woman, only for her to have a dud like you. No one will take you seriously. They’ll think you’re just leeching on to a more famous backstory.

“What’re you talking about?” Her voice was dripping sweet and bitter. She tried to reach for you, but you smack away her hand. Then you shoved her hard, sending her flying into your father. The two landed a few feet away.

“I was friends with Todoroki!” you snapped, stomping your foot. “I told him. I told him what you did. We shared our trauma. Pathetic parents, creating children because they were too weak to come out on top themselves. - I’m not an experiment! You thought I was pathetic and useless as a child! You don’t get to stand here and act like I became someone because of your help. It’s because I don’t want to be anything like you two that I climbed until I was near the top. I’ll take number two. Because it means I stand above you. In a place you could never hope to reach.”

For the first time, your parents looked at you with fear in their eyes. With respect. Taking notice of what they’d done. It didn’t help you’d ended up in the air, and you were wild and glowing. And probably two seconds away from obliterating them. Even after all this time, when you let your emotions get to you, your control slipped. You acted without thinking. Fight or flight.

You glowered down at them. “Now I want you both to leave. I don’t ever want to see you again. - Thank you. For ruining my graduation day.”

You landed on your feet, and sprinted across the stage and out of sight. Your parents scrambled off the opposite side of the stage. Principal Nezu took the podium awkwardly, clearing his throat as he tried to get the day back on track. Katsuki chased after you, slamming open every door until he found you. You were curled in a ball, silent tears down your cheeks. He shut the door behind him.

“Uh,” he murmured hesitantly. “Hey. Nerd. You okay?”

You stood before you could think, bolting to him in a flash. You were in his face. “What the hell is wrong with you?! I told you we didn’t get along. Why the hell would you do that?!”

“I thought it’d be nice! I didn’t know it was this fucking bad!” He took a step back. “How the hell am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me?!”

You groaned. “I thought it would have been common sense -”

Katsuki rolled his eyes. “Common sense ‘we don’t get along’ just makes me think that they don’t - I don’t fucking know - don’t like your friends. Don’t like the path you chose because it’s fucking dangerous. Not because you were a damn experiment!”

“Don’t call me that.” You could feel the white-hot rage filling you. But this was Katsuki you were talking to. Not your parents. And he had a point. Still, you couldn’t help it. “I am more than just some experiment!”

“I know!” he yelled. Then took a long moment’s pause. He tried to even himself out, but there was still an angry edge to his voice. “Why do you think I let you tag along? Why do you think I stopped trying to ditch you like Deku?! - Because nobody else was talking you up! But I could see it. All the potential you had. You had that fire. But you weren’t using it right! I didn’t want to see you fail. And you didn’t. And if you think I’m going to let you go and do something fucking stupid to mess all your work up -”

You felt your feet leave the floor. What business was it of his if you let all your work go to waste? Who’d even let you be a hero after this burst?! “Why do you even care if I fail or not?!’

“Because I think I love you, dumbass!” His face turned red as he processed the words that came out of his mouth. “I mean - I like your face - I - Shit - I like everything about you - and - fucking hell -”

Katsuki shot a blast out a window. He roared in some sort of rage, bellowing, “You’re the only person in the fucking world I want to outrank me! You’re the only person I’d let be number one over me. I like your stupid face. And your stupid quirk. I want to be a team. But not just at being pros. I mean, in life. I want to just - this is a shit time for this. Especially after I made you so upset. I have no fucking right to say this. But - I’m pretty fucking sure I love you. And that I wanna spend the rest of my damn life with you.”

Katsuki wrapped his arms around your leg, you still in the air. Katsuki was eye level with your belly button. You looked down at him. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. But you saw the anger in his eyes. It was mixed with concern. With regret. His face was full of emotions you’d never seen him have before. It began to fizzle the fire in you. 

He stared up at you, keeping a hold on you. “I’m sorry for inviting them, for embarrassing you. I should’ve asked. I’m such a fucking idiot. I should’ve asked why you didn’t get along. And if it was okay if I brought them. This is all my fucking fault. I promise, I’ll make it up to you. If you’ll let me.”

He supported your weight as you fell out of the air. You’d had a thing for him since you’d first met him. Originally, you just admired him for being insanely strong and thought he’d be a good person as a mentor. Your feelings for him crashed down on you like a meteor. You hadn’t even realized them until he’d actually let you stick around for a few months. But everyone said you were stupid. That you’d never get anywhere because he was too goal-driven to look around. Because he was too selfish to think of anyone but himself.

You supposed this proved them wrong.

“I’m still pissed at you,” you noted. Katsuki nodded, anticipation flickering through his eyes. “But what did you have in mind? Is the great Ground Zero asking me on a proper date?”

Katsuki smiled - a real one. Not that stupid smirk. He squeezed your legs tightly. “I could never have been half as great without you. - And I’ll fucking murder you, you tell anyone I said that. But I’ll take you to dinner, a nice restaurant. None of those little bullshit hole-in-the-wall places you seem to think are so swanky. An actual restaurant, somewhere fancy. Black tie. I’ll do anything I can until you see I care. Just you and I - a team for life. Through everything.”

When you two went back, after an hour of filling Katsuki in on your past, you discovered your parents had been escorted off campus. And you were given your awards and diplomas and certificates behind the scenes. After what happened, everyone thought it was best. Later that day, you also filed a restraining order against your parents. They weren’t going to mess with you anymore. A weight felt like it was lifted off of you.

Katsuki took you out for the best date of your life a few nights later. He followed through with his promise. He took you out to the nicest restaurant he could find. It was black tie, so you wore your best. But you guys ended up getting take out after anyway because the portions were so small. You’d never felt so whole as sitting in Katsuki’s apartment, half-dressed up, laughing at some crappy movie, and scarfing down some takeaway.  This made up for the graduation day disaster. You just hoped that Katsuki kept his word, and you’d be a team for life. And not just at work.

[ninetyonekz]

Translation of Destination of Asia (February 2016)

So, tell us a little about yourself? 

- Hello everyone, we are Ninety One! Why Ninety One, you ask? For Kazakhstan, this is a very important numeral, because on December 16, 1991, our country became independent. By this we want to say that our art and movement are also independent, we want to show the spirit of free youth - this is the concept of our group. The team came together thanks to the k-top idols project, where A.Z. and ZaQ were among the finalists. Then there was the second season, Alem and Bala passed there, and then Ace joined us. We trained together for about an year. 

Is it true that the group was based on Korean boy band model? If so, what traits did you adopt, and what did you decide to make unique? 

- No, not really. We took only the system itself, adopted in Korea. In terms of the plan, we have a clear concept, everything is staged and rehearsed many times. After all, we all gathered from different regions of the country, each has its own specialty, but when we are together, we give a single concept and idea. Actually, this is what we adopted from our colleagues from Korea. 

What inspires you? 

All in chorus: EAGLEZ! 

- There is a lot to say about our fans. This is the first fandom formed in Kazakhstan, and we were very surprised and glad that there were people who really love us. They show their support to us every day, every minute, every second. And you know, this greatly inspires us to do something, to write new songs. We feel this support behind our backs and receive a great boost of energy from it. 

Do you write the songs yourself? 

Alem: Of course! We have a fairly large team engaged in this part of the work. Before recording, we definitely consult about music and words, and only after that we start practicing in the studio. Lyrics are mainly written by our rappers A.Z. and ZaQ, and we participate in the composition of the tune, as co-authors. I think that in every song all the members include something of their own. 

What is the relationship between the members within the group? 

Ace: You can probably say that since the band was formed, we became very, very close, almost like brothers. We deal with problems together and, despite the fact that I joined the guys later than everyone else, now I can say for sure that we are one friendly family. 

Alem: Yes, even more! We gathered from different parts of Kazakhstan, each had his own idea, his own views, but when we met, we approached each other like pieces of a correctly assembled puzzle! We have what we need, that's for sure!

 - Do you listen to any music from Southeast Asia (K-Pop, K-Rock, J-Rock, J-Pop and so on)? 

Ace: Well, personally, from the list of the above, I only listen to K-Pop. This is a great opportunity to gain experience and maybe even get some inspiration for your own new songs. 

ZaQ: I listened to J-Rock for a while and I liked it. As for K-Pop, we still watch more from a professional point of view - this music is very different from Western music, and we can learn a lot from Korean artists. In general, you yourself understand, there are a lot of groups in different countries, and they are all different, but K-Pop teams are the closest to us in terms of concept. 

- Is there a group that interests you? 

ZaQ: Actually, it is very difficult to answer this question, since we are interested this direction as a whole, as I mentioned earlier. 

Alem: Hyukoh! Although, in my opinion, it is difficult to call them a group, rather, they are artists, but this does not make them less cool. Especially their main soloist, who writes all the music himself. 

- Find a word to describe the concept of your debut video? Was it difficult to work on the camera during his filming? 

Everyone: Ayiptama or Don’t judge me? 

ZaQ: The funny thing is that in the song we say Ayiptama “Don't judge me” to the girl, sort of like “Don't blame me”. If now we take and choose a word for our concept, then it is simply " Ayiptama ", do not judge us for the fact that we started it like this. 

Alem: With dyed hair ... 

Ace: The first time was, of course, difficult to shoot, since this is our first video. There were some problems, but, to be honest, there weren't any particular difficulties. 

Alem: Actually, for everyone in different ways, we have Ace who is just talented.

Ace: Well it happened that we were preparing for filming both physically and mentally. We looked from what angle we look better, prepared ourselves, worked a lot with the mirror. And largely due to this, the shooting itself is wasn’t much, but it became easier for us.

Alem: We had a kind of warm-up, in plan, each one was filmed separately in the outdoors. They just found interesting places in the city, and even if there was a crowd of people, it worked anyway. Thanks to this, by the way, the feeling of embarrassment went away, began to see better angles from the side. But it's still difficult on the set, especially when there is a professional cameraman and directors who require more movement, and so on. This is not to say that it is absolutely horrible, but that it’s not easy - that’s for sure. 

Do you have any idols on whom you would like to be equal?

Alem: I like Will Smith, but not as an artist or singer, but as a person. Well, of course you know, he is a very cool pop singer, rapper and writes the songs himself. Why do I consider him my idol? Probably because he always defends his point of view to the end and lives doing what he loves, completely surrendering to him. I remember he once talked about how if you start building a wall, then you need to build everything brick by brick. This is exactly what we all need to always achieve our goals and not be distracted by anything, even if something is not going as fast as we would like.

Ace: I agree with him. If you take on something, then you have to do everything to the end. Well, you know my idol for sure - is Arnold Schwarzenegger. At first he was just a bodybuilder, but he became the best bodybuilder, then he wanted to become an actor and became one of the best, then he went into politics and became the best governor, as many say in the United States. Where I am leading - everything he undertook, he did at the highest level.

A.Z: Eminem has been my idol since childhood. I really like both his personality and creativity. He always shows skill in his music and has a special, unique style.

Bala: I don't have a specific idol - I usually like one thing in different peoples, and I try to take the good from each of them.

ZaQ: I look up to my grandfather. Seriously, he is like Will Smith and Schwarzenegger combined, and indeed a very versatile person who constantly surprises me.

What is your ideal girl type?

Alem: I like active ladies. I can't even pinpoint exactly what is is, because it is always different. But what catches me the most about girls - their eccentricity and charisma, they always stand out against the general background. She may be …

Other members: Ugly?

Alem: Hey, no, no! Girls can’t be ugly, because there are no ugly women. I also like it when a girl is a good at speaking and is able to show her emotions.

Ace: Well, my ideal type of girl ... Actually, it doesn’t exist yet. I am attracted by calm, homely and well-mannered girls, I would call this type a "good wife".

A.Z: As for me, a girl should be, first of all, smart, friendly, polite and, I think, calm. To summarize - my complete opposite.

Bala: Before falling in love with someone's inner world, in any way looks at the appearance ...

The rest of the members: Maybe you can tell right away that you like beautiful ones?

Bala: All the girls are beautiful! And because of that, I like them all. But, to be honest, I prefer smart ones, those who are good at reasoning, are wise in their thoughts and also, perhaps, shy. Well. In general, shy cuties, here!

ZaQ: I don't have a specific type, but I like girls... such a, let’s face it, real. Who aren’t ashamed of their own opinion and simply aren’t ashamed of anything, well, you know, such extraordinary personalities. You can say, a little freaks, these are the ones that attract me. Those who don’t even care what people think of them, something like that.

Would you like to move forward not only at home, but also in Russia (with the CIS countries)?

Of course we do, why not? But first, we would like to create a certain starting base in Kazakhstan, and then, if our activity here is successful, we will try to work in the CIS as well! We can say that this is our main goal in the future, but everything has its time.

Do you have any plans to release a song in Russian?

- Not in the near future, but in the future - of course. And not only in Russian, in English, too. But at the moment we want to consolidate our position in our native country and for now release music only with words in Kazakh.

What is your current goal (both as a group and individually)?

- The overall goal is to create a subculture like Q-pop. There are K-pop, J-Pop, etc., and we should have Q-pop (qazaq pop). We want this direction to settle down in Kazakhstan and beyond. To become the founders of this movement and perhaps even create a subculture so that people in other countries, listening to our songs, think: "Oh, this is Q-pop." Our main desire - to develop the music industry and give it a second wind, and, of course, show our country from its best side. We also want to draw people's attention to the beauty of our language. And, of course, another goal is to enter the big stage and receive a national vocation. But in fact, we thought about these issues for a long time, and what personal goals we can have when we now have everything in common, including aspirations and plans. But still, of course, there are individual ones.

Alem: You know, there are so many languages ​​in which jazz is performed all over the world. These songs become soundtracks for films, everyone knows them and hums them in everyday life. I would really like to create a project in which we could translate and perform all these compositions in our native language. I think this is quite achievable and the other members have even agreed to help me!

Ace: Most of all I want to fulfill myself, become successful and help your loved ones with full dedication, support them so that they do not need anything. Well, I guess that's a pretty good goal, right?

A.Z: Perhaps I have similar goals as the group - to promote Kazakhstan and our language around the world!

Bala: During the time that we are together, I have become very attached to the group. Since I’mm the youngest, I’m often spoiled by the rest of the members, and to be honest, I did not even think about anything other than "Ninety One". I always wanted to sing, and my goal, in fact, has already been fulfilled - I can do what I love with wonderful people. But as A.Z. said I really want to go to the world level.

ZaQ: I, alas, have not been able to finish my studies as a linguist, and my goal is directly related to our national language. I would like to show its beauty and versatility and prove that it can sound not only within the country, but also abroad.

Everyone: And we also plan to learn English at a good level, for example, like ZaQ and A.Z. They sometimes walk around the dorm, communicate with each other in English and even in Korean. Our immediate goal now is to understand what they are talking about.

There is also an individual question for Azamat: why did you decide to return back to Kazakhstan?

Ace: I had my own personal reasons, which I pondered for a long time and which I would not particularly like to spread. About a year before I returned, I already thought about it, but all the time I put off this difficult decision. At some point, the move still had to be made, I made a choice in favor of my home country. I am very grateful to everyone who was next to me in Seoul, who helped me and taught me, passing on invaluable experience. But now I'm at Ninety One and a new path is just beginning! 

What, in your opinion, is lacking in the Kazakh show business at the moment and what are its strengths? 

- The strongest side is that the Kazakh show business is just developing. This positive trend can be seen with the naked eye, which is good news. Plus, there are now many new bands and genres emerging so that people can finally choose what to listen to. What's missing? Perhaps systematic, practical and consistent. As well as special programs for the formation of artists and their promotion. However, this deficiency is now gradually disappearing.

Now for a fun question: Did you know that fans write fanfiction about you, and how do you feel about it? 

Everyone: We learned about what fanfics are from our fans and decided to read it. In fact, it’s not only very strange, but also funny to realize that you are the main character of someone’s story. Plus, it helps us analyze how our fans see us from the outside. And, of course, it's nice that we inspire someone to be creative, so undoubtedly this aspect of our contact with fans also deserves special attention.

Alem: I once read about myself, about other members, and there were both normal stories and very strange ones. At first we were very surprised at this and didn’t believe that it was about us at all. And I also read a work where I am downright a bad boy, and I wondered if they really see me like that? Because I never had negative intentions and I am generally a kind guy.

What wishes would you like to leave to our readers and your fans?

- Smile always and everywhere, no matter what! Always be in a good mood and never lose faith in the future! And, of course, listen to our music! We also want to express our huge gratitude to our fans. What can we promise on our part? We will only make high-quality music, give the best that we can create! The main thing is that we believe in your support and love, and we will give it to you with great return! We also hope that you will support our first mini-album and our further work! Give good and good mood to others! We love you madly, we are very pleased that you support us! In any incomprehensible situation you have us, and we have you, and together we can overcome a lot. Eaglez, be always healthy and happy, because if we are happy, you should be doubly happy. Baqytta Bolnizdar! ("Be happy"). And, of course, we wish all the best to all Destination Asia readers! 

[lefaystrent]

Could you write a short story where Virgil is out at a store, Deceit and Remus spot him. Virgil is like F social interaction. Then is only rude because he really didn't feel like being noticed by people who recognize him. (Patton could be another costumer, Roman a cashier who is working there when not acting, Logan getting supplies for a science class at school)

A Storm Rolled into Town

Fandom: Thomas Sanders,Sanders Sides

Pairings: none

Summary: It’s not likeVirgil meant to become famous anyway. It just sorta happened. And now he’sshopping in some small-town mom-and-pop store on a weekday morning. Despitewearing the hood of his jacket up and perhaps looking the more conspicuous forit, he can sense that someone somewhere in this store is watching him.

Word Count: 2150

________________________________________________________________

Virgil Storm was born with eyes inthe back of his head.

Not literally. It was mostly justanxiety and paranoia working in tandem to create a 360° zone of caffeinated caution.A necessary skill when you became part of the famous crowd. All it took was onecrazy person with a knife screaming about how you’re meant to be together, andthen you’re fucking dead.

Not that Virgil had been assaultedby anyone.

Yet.

He has had experiences witha couple of stalkers before that were quickly handled. It’s amazing how whenmore than a handful of people know your name and can buy your merch, theirsense of entitlement turns you into a thing to be owned.

It’s not like Virgil meant tobecome famous anyway. It just sorta happened.

And now he’s shopping in some small-townmom-and-pop store on a weekday morning. He had to make a pit-stop on his longdrive back home to Florida. Sure, he could have gotten home faster if he’dridden in a plane. He could also set this store on fire or go jump in a lakewhile strapped to an anvil. Doesn’t mean he’s going to.

The point is, Virgil is very awareof how famous he is, and despite wearing the hood of his jacket up and perhapslooking the more conspicuous for it, he can sense that someone somewhere inthis store is watching him.

Virgil glances down the aislebehind him, but there’s nothing. Again.

He lets out a huff of air andcontinues to peruse the candy section. He’s got a craving for something sour,but he’s not looking to get accosted here.

He swipes up a packet of gummy wormsand goes around to the chip rack next. Virgil subtly peeks around the store,noting the two guys manning the register counter. They look young, maybe aroundtwenty. They’re more talking and laughing rather than working. Other than them,there’s this one nerdy looking guy in a tie and glasses over by the stationary.The store seems empty otherwise.

Virgil picks up a large bag of sourcream ‘n onion and nearly screams when there’s a mustached face poking out inthe space left behind.

“Boo!” the man says.

“Fuck off!” Virgil growls andthrows the chip bag right at the face.

A series of snickers come back fromthe candy aisle that Virgil had just vacated. Pissed off and heart racing, hewhips his head around to see some guy in a bowler hat.

“I do believe the phrase ‘got you’fits this scene well,” Bowler Hat says.

“You didn’t ‘get’ anything,” Virgilhisses.

“Oh? So you didn’t just jump likeyou’d seen a ghost?”

“He definitely jumped, Dee! He evenpeed his pants!” Mustached Man cackled, coming out from behind the chip rack.

“I didn’t—” Virgil went to defendhimself but found it pointless. These guys just seemed like assholes. “Justleave me alone.”

“Oh poo, have some fun would you?”

“Now Remus, let’s not annoy him toomuch. Wouldn’t want him to storm out.”

Storm.

He made it very clear that he knewVirgil’s last name. If the pointed pun didn’t say as much, the smarmy grin onBowler Hat’s face surely did.

Virgil tried not to show how muchthat got to him.

“So what? You know who I am. Bigdeal. Buzz off and let me shop in peace.” If these two kept harassing him orworse, Virgil could always threaten to call the cops. Then again, cops took afew minutes to respond, and it only took less than a second to die.

New plan. Virgil could throw downthe chip rack and then run for his life. And if that didn’t work, he carriedpepper spray on his person for a reason.

“What brings someone such asyourself to our neck of the woods?” Bowler Hat questioned, not leaving Virgilalone in the slightest.

Mustached Man jumped up beside hisfriend, leaning an arm against his shoulder to loudly whisper, “I bet he needsto hide a dead body!”

Virgil’s eye twitched. “Yeah,because that’s the only reasonable explanation, right?”

Mustached Man nodded in agreement. “Nothingelse to do around here.”

“It does get rather dull here,”Bowler Hat mused. He brushed his gloved fingers over his chin.

Seriously, who the hell were theseguys? And were they intentionally being low-key threatening? Perhaps not, butthat’s how they were coming across anyway.

“That’s nice.” Virgil smiled in away that showed his utter contempt. Better than showing his fear. “Now if you’redone bothering me, I’ve got things to buy.”

He would have liked something morethan just the gummy worms, but he no longer felt hungry enough to risk hislife.

Virgil walked away, his stepspicking up speed as he heard Mustached Man barking at him.

He was never stopping anywhere everagain.

________________________________________________________________

Roman sat at the register counter,bored out of his mind.

“Patton, my loyal companion. Remindme why we’re here again?”

“Because we get paid to be here.”

“Ah.” Roman nodded, eyes narrowedin deep understanding.

Then he slumped over with a whimperingwhine. His head banged against the countertop.

“Awww, cheer up Ro-Ro! We’ve only gota few more hours left of our shift!”

“My shackled soul is unmoved byyour comfort. They are but mere words in the face of unforgiving oppression.”

“…so what you’re saying is that youneed a pun, right? Or maybe a hug. A combination of the two? A pug. Oh!Doggy!”

Roman snorted as Patton’s train ofthought derailed. He sat up to stare at his coworker and long-time friend.

He snapped his fingers. “Focus,Puffball.”

“Oh, right,” Patton said,refocusing. His expression became determined. “Go on and get all the angst out,kiddo. I’m all ears.”

“Retail suuuuuucks,” Roman concluded.“My creative spirit yearns for a place I can spread my wings and thrive! I ammeant for bigger and better stages. You see this face? You hear this voice? Alltoo good to be squandered away in Backwoodsville, Tennessee.”

“We don’t live in Tennessee.”

“My point is that I am a work ofart, and yet I am left collecting dust in grandma’s attic. It is a crime! Theuniverse should give me a break already.”

From the stationary aisle, afamiliar voice contributed to the conversation, “Perhaps if you put nearly asmuch effort into publicizing yourself to the entertainment community instead ofwhining, you wouldn’t be stuck where you are now.”

Roman slammed a hand on thecounter. “No one asked you, Microsoft Nerd!”

Logan smirked and resumed hisshopping. They knew each other of course. It was hard not to recognize everyonewhen you worked in one of the only stores in town. Plus all three of them hadgone to high school together.

Patton patted Roman’s shoulder insympathy. “I think what Logan’s trying to say is that you’ve got loads of potentialand I’m sure someone’s going to notice one day.”

“That is not what I said at all,but go off I guess,” Logan stated.

Roman flipped him off. Somehow, despitehis back turned to him, Logan must have sensed it and returned the gesture rightback to him.

Patton swatted at Roman’s hands. “Don’tbe ugly!”

“That’s impossible for someone likeme.” Roman grinned.

Patton sighed. “What am I going todo with you?”

“Love me, of course.”

Patton giggled.

“Hi,” a clipped voice cut in. Romantore his attention away from the agony of his life to regard the customer athis counter.

Roman hopped up from his seat andshifted flawlessly into his customer service spiel. “Hello! Ready to check out?”

“Yeah,” the man nodded, his hoodfalling back a bit at the movement.

Roman smiled. He recognized thejacket brand and was about to compliment the customer’s taste.

Their eyes met briefly and Roman’sheart exploded.

Virgil Storm.

Virgil freaking Storm was standingat his register counter.

No. No it couldn’t—

HOLY SHIT!

“That’s it,” Virgil Storm said,tossing a pack of sour gummy worms onto the counter. He briefly glanced overhis shoulder as if to look for something. He wasn’t really paying attention toRoman, so he didn’t catch being ogled.

Oh god, Virgil Storm was standingat his register. No matter how many times Roman looked, Virgil Stormstood there, and all Roman could do was ogle him.

Roman suddenly found the candypacket very interesting.

If he kept his head down, nothingbad would happen, right?

“Uh . . . that’s it,” Virgil saidagain, and Roman realized that he’d been standing there frozen.

Willing his limbs to unthaw, Romanmechanically reached for the candy and ran it over the scanner. A beep sounded,and with a stiff arm, he punched for the total.

“Your total is . . . a number.”

“What?”

Roman couldn’t even look up farenough to check the screen. How could he? When one of his idols stood beforehim. He owned all of this man’s albums, for God’s sake!

“Yes,” Roman said, as if thatexplained everything.

“Okay . . .” Virgil said. Heshuffled, presumably getting his wallet out or something. Internally, Roman wasscreaming to Patton for help, but sadly his friend had never mastered telepathy.In fact, he had no idea what Patton was doing right now. He wasn’t sayinganything, that was for sure. Did he even recognize the celebrity in their storeright now?

“Here,” Virgil offered a five-dollarbill.

Roman blinked at it. Wasn’t VirgilStorm rich? Why was he using cash when he could use a card?

Carefully, lest he mess up andforever embarrass himself, Roman reached up and took the bill from him. Theirfingers weren’t even close to touching, but Roman still felt like he’d steppedon a live-wire, a shock racing through his system.

Roman had dreamed many a time ofcasually running into his idols. He imagined nearly daily of becoming likethem, of leaving his mark, of impressing those that he looked up to. He wouldbe suave and graceful and witty, a dazzling star in the making who would sweepthem off their feet.

Instead Roman hunched in on himselfand began to cry.

“Oh shit, are you okay?” VirgilStorm asked him, and that somehow made everything worse.

Roman covered his face with hishands and sniffled. “I’m just feeling a little emotional right now.”

How mortifying.

A hand rubbed at his back. “Sorry,he’s having a quarter-life crisis,” he heard Patton explain.

Roman threw up his arms,tear-streaked face be damned. “PATTON! That’s not why I’m crying.”

“It’s okay Ro, it happens to a lotof people. It’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

“I knew retail work was hell, butgeez,” Virgil commented.

Patton nodded in sympathy. “Hereally wants to be on Broadway someday.”

“Patton,” Roman gasped in admonishment.“You can’t just be telling V— telling people about my silly dreams.”

“Why’s it silly?” Patton asked. “You’reso talented! You’ll make it, I know you will. You’ve just gotta keep trying.”

This could not be happening rightnow. Roman wanted to curl up in the employee’s bathroom and die.

“Broadway, huh?” Virgil asked.

Screw going to the bathroom. Roman coulddie on the spot.

“Ridiculous, huh?” Roman tried tolaugh at himself. If he laughed at himself first, it’d hurt less when everyoneelse did.

Virgil shrugged. “Not really.Someone’s got to do it, right?”

Oh.

No rejection.

Just a practical sense of hope.

Someone’s got to do it, and thatcould be him.

Roman blushed and gazed down at hisfeet. “Thank you . . .”

“No problem. Just uh, feel better Iguess.”

It was clear Virgil found this situationawkward but was trying to be considerate. For that, Roman was extremely grateful.

“Dee! Remus! What are you doing inhere? You know you’re banned!” Patton hollered, moving around the counter. Hehad his stern face on and a broom in hand. The two troublemakers would do wellto run while they still could.

They watched Patton chase Dee andRemus off.

“Does that happen a lot?” Virgilasked Roman.

“Only about every other day.”

Virgil didn’t say anything, soRoman went ahead and finished the transaction.

“Here’s your change,” Roman saidmeekly, handing the correct amount back to him.

“Thanks,” Virgil said, pocketingthe money. He picked up his gummy worms yet hesitated.

“Something else?” Roman wondered.

Virgil scratched the back of hishead. “To be honest, I wanted to get more stuff. But those guys were beingcreepy . . . But they’re gone now, so . . . would it be weird if I went to getmore stuff?”

Roman’s lips twitched up into asmile. “You didn’t judge me, so I’m not going to judge you.”

Virgil smirked. “Thanks.”

___________________________________________

General Tag List: @spectralheartt @a-pastel-pan @notalwaysthevillian @rose-gold-roman @ijustrealizedhowdumbmynamewas @katie-the-noble-fangirl @yourroyalydramaticanxiousness @aroundofapplesauce @merlybird500 @beach-fan @jemthebookworm @whats-going-on-kiddos @randomsandersides @gamerfreddie @unring-this-bell @analogicallythinking @lilygold23 @levy-the-b00kw0rm @tacohippy56900 @accio-hufflepuff-power1 @just-another-rainbowblog @georganabanana @grey-says-heck @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny @thesynysterunknown @idont-know-what-im-doing @idioticsky @fadingglowcloud @whizzie72 @theinvisiblespoon @greyyy523 @opaque-puppet @just-fic-me-up @wowimsogoddamnoriginal @sos-fandoms @loganeatsbooks @trust-is-overrated @theitalianalchemist @im-crunchie @mourning--star @4amanxiety @hogwarts-my-love @enby-phoenix @justanotherpurplebutterfly @internet-or-sleep @absolutesandersidestrash @seaspider10 @nonasficcollection @satanblessi @an-absolute-failure @analogical-mess @noisyeggpizzapatrol @hamilsandersfam @cefinitely-rolo @thgjclw @knight-shives @no-no-no-no-6 @savingshae @rabbitsartcorner @buddypallady @midnight-tragedyy @007ardra @fandomloverangel @dorkoverse @mirrorz-n-starz @idunnosong

[bleached-d-soul]

Team ALAN: Lovely In-CON-veniences

Part 3 of Team ALAB commissions for @the-hapless-ace

This was a mistake.

When you join a terrorist organization, you have to learn how to sense danger before it occurs. You either learn to do it early or have to learn from experiences, sometimes not without the loss of some limbs and sanity. Adam should have know that when Ruby burst into their room with that creepy smile of hers, he should have run and hidden for a week or two.

The Vale Comic Con was an event not unknown to Adam, if only because he once considered it as a potential target for White Fang attack. And no, it wasn't because of the overwhelming amount of Ninja Catgirl cosplayers there. He simply hated the fetishism with reagrds to the faunus. Rehardless of that, he absolutely refused to go.

Unfortunately, he owed Weiss a date of her choosing. And just like the real Schnee, she refused to suffer alone.

"Oh my Gods, can we please take a picture?"

The decision came last moment. And since |Ruby refused to allow him to go there in his normal clothes, he had to make do with whatever stuff he had lying around. His old cloak without the rose emblem. His old mask without color marks. And of course, the black wig provided to him by Blake. Apparently, his ex couldn't miss the chance to get some laughs out of it.

"You look just like the Joker!"

"The clown?"

"No, from Persona series!"

"Ah, right."

He had no idea who that was. In a couple of moments, thankfully, that humiliation was over. Before he could get back to Weiss to give her another piece of his mind though, another couple of girls approached him. More pictures? Fine, whatever got that off his back.

"Can you take a rose from my hands with your mouth?"

Sure, whatever. Quickly, he did as asked. The girl ran away squealing.

"Can you cover your eyes with your hands, please?"

She did promise him to leave quickly so why not. The girl wandered off smiling.

"Can I sit in your lap?"

"Yeah, su-"

The ground shook. The air around them dropped a few degrees in temperature before the wall of ice separated him from the surprisingly large crowd of women. Were they under attack? Finally! Some chance to escape this madhouse and-

"Adam. Taurus."

The chilling and emotionless tone pierced through the air, his eyes drawn towards the source of it. Surrounded by ice and snow, in the middle of the hall stood none other than his girlfriend. And she was absolutely burning with rage, if only the giant Knight of white and blue looming over her was any indication.

"I leave for a few seconds and you are feeling up some other girls?"

What?

"I didn't do anything like that!" Was it really how it looked? He was just trying to get them off his back. It was either caving in to their demands or cutting them down. And it was her and Ruby that explicitly forbade him from killing the people he found annoying. "You know this is not my fault, right?"

Something clicked in Weiss' eyes. The semblance of clearance and understanding that promised him the peaceful resolution and the quiet for the rest of this already unpleasant and annoying day.

That promise died an ugly death as the girl's eyes lost any and all light and her lips stretched into an ugly smile.

One that promised only bloodshed and death.

"You are right... This is not your fault at all."

Good, maybe things weren't so bad.

"It is all these harlots that want you!"

...

Shit.

ALAB

"Yang, are you angry at me?"

"No."

"You look angry."

"I don't."

"Your hair is on fire and your eyes are burning red."

"And?"

Ren looked at his girlfriend's face, wondering what he should say. What he could even say when faced with this angry pout of hers. In many ways. Yang was just as emotionally broken as he was. She hid her abandonment issues and insecurities behind the cocky attitude and pride much like he hid his anger and pain behind the stoic and serene attitude.

But no matter how much they masked their fears and insecurities, those still existed and sometimes came to the surface in the most unfortunate of times. Just like their current situation.

"Sorry for getting us kicked out of that contest," Yang said as they sat down in a nearby cafe. It was a nice place and, thankfully, with only a few people. It was pretty early right now so most attendees must have been stuck buying merch and meeting all the celebrities that were here today. "I know I could have handled that... better than I did."

That was one way to put it.

Ren had little reservations about his body. And even though he was embarrassed with the outfit Yang picked for him, he grew comfortable with it very quickly. Yang herself said she wanted to show off her boyfriend's amazing body in that skintight outfit that consisted of only a shirt that covered his chest and a tight pair of shorts. And she did enjoy the jealous and hungry looks thrown his way.

For a total of ten minutes before she started frantically looking for something to cover him with.

She found nothing and so spent the last hour or so glaring at every woman that passed them by. It was fine, Ren told himself. Glaring and growling was fine as long as things didn't become physical. They eventually did, mostly because he couldn't help himself. Ren rarely indulged in things like video games or junk food like his friends. But when the chance to get the next edition of his favorite game came, he simply couldn't let this chance pass him by.

So he signed up even though Yang wasn't interested and got ready to win. It was all good and great for the first two stages. He was in the lead and, by the looks of it, would be coming home with the prize in his hand.

Then the third stage announced was the couple game. And unfortunately, for all the single ladies and gentlemen, they were paired up with random contestant. It was clear the stage was meant to see who could adapt the fastest and give the most coherent performance. He was lucky to draw the second strongest contestant for himself.

Who turned out to be Neon, the girl Yang fought just a few days ago.

He could have sworn he heard something snap. And when he looked at Yang... Well, he told himself she wouln't do anything drastic in the open.

And for the first few minutes, he was actually right. Their dance was energetic and synchronized, him acting as the strong and solid foundation for Neon's more flashy and bright moves.

The music came to an end, the crowd exploded with claps and whistles. They were going to win, for sure. That game was as good as his!

Then Neon delivered a loud and sharp slap across his ass.

And next thing he knew, the dancing contest turned into a huge catight.

"Ren?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you angry at me?"

"No."

"You look... Well, I never can tell but I would be angry if I were you."

"I am not though," a little bit upset. But not angry. "Plus, I am sure you are not going to-"

She was gone.

He turned to look at the trail of blazes left behind. The sound of an all too familiar laugh of one rollerblading huntress was the proof enough his day was about to become much louder and hotter.

ALAB

Mercury loved to drive the little Red crazy.

Call him an asshole but there was something incredibly satisfying about watching the girl so confident on the battlefield turn into a blushing stammering mess. Sometimes he would kiss her out in the open or flirt with her during the spar. She looked so cute when she was trying to take his head off with that scythe of hers while burning red as her cape.

Today was an exception, though.

Today it was him on the other end of the stick.

"C-Come on, Red, be reasonable here, please?" He was backed against the wall, the passers-by either ignoring them or taking pictures. Something about real-life Yandere of whatever the fuck those nimrods were whispering about. "R-Ruby, I swear to Gods, stay away from me with that marker!"

She dressed up as some superhero named... Flasher or whatever, he didn't pay much mind. He did, however, take the opportunity to show off his assets and get the girl all hot and bothered under that skintight suit of hers. Seriously, for the girl with so many reservations and social troubles, she seemed unaware of how many guys threw horny looks her way.

He did. And now those guys stayed far away from her.

Apparently, she was not as oblivious as he thought and noticed all the lustful and hungry looks. But only the ones that came from other girls towards him. Which brings us back to him, backed into the corner with his girlfriend trying to mark him of all things!

"I will be quick, Mercury, I promise!"

"That's a permanent marker, Ruby!"

"I am sure we can remove it later!"

"This doesn;t make it better!"

In hindsight, it was all his fault. He should have chosen something that could be actually zipped up. Instead he went dressed as this emo ninja with weird eyes powers who dressed like a stripper. And now Ruby wanted to write her name on his chest like some toy.

Sounded kinky but it wasn't!

"I will buy a bunch of strawberry cookies a-!"

"No!" She yelled, covering her ears. "You can't bribe if I can't hear you!"

An opening to exploit! Yes!

He rushed past her and into the crowd. Maybe he could snatch someone's cape or something? Before he could rob some poor sucker, the torpedo of rose petals smashed into him from behind. Positioning herself on the top of his stomach, Ruby showed no hesitation or shame as she breathed down his neck.

With the eyes full of the terrifying emotion and her smile so hollow it sent chills down his smile, Ruby whispered:

"Now they all will know you are mine and only mine!"

Her marker stabbed into his chest like a knife, marking him as her property and lover.

Somehow, he didn' feel so scared about it.

"Now let's go and show them all that you are mine!"

... And now he was.

ALAB

"Go and tell her she is ugly."

"I am not doing that."

"Fine, then the collar stays on."

"Ugh..."

Out of his entire team, Jaune was possibly the only one excited to come here. He never attended one of the major conventions since, well, his town didn't have any and he barely had the money to come here. So when Ruby won the total of eight passes here, he was ready to kiss her! Well, not really, since she was dating Mercury and that was violation of a bro code.

Also because he also had a girlfriend whom he liked a lot

Even if she could become a bit... possessive.

"Come on, this doesn't even make any sense for me to wear a collar! I am Leon Kennedy!" And Leon Kennedy was a badass that could never stay caught for that long. "Also Ada uses a giant crossbow and your weapon looks nothing like that."

"I don't give a shit, it was the costume the guy in the store recommended," Vernal scoffed as she tugged on his leash. Her eyes scanned the crowd like an expert predator. She saw a couple of nerds drooling over how tight the pants hugged her legs and ass. Heh, good time jerking off, losers. Then her eyes caught some girls drooling over how tight Jaune's pants hugged his ass and legs.

...

They would have to go. Not now, of course. Her boyfriend always got upset whenever she threatened other girls with violence, Gods know why though.

"V-Vernal, where are we going?"

"Just shut up and follow me, loverboy."

Vernal might have lived in Beacon now but she still lived by the laws of her tribe. And the law of the strong was simple back home: See. Want. Take.

The last part - about putting down anyone who tried to take something from you - was an unspoken rule, of course. Back in the tribe, it was the strongest who got the best food and stuff. Not because they were better at scavenging and stealing, but rather because they knew how to take something from others better. And Vernal knew that, if she allowed even one of the girls here approach her boyfriend, she would give everyone the signal she was soft.

Not happening.

"And now for the second place in our couples costu- Hey, ma'am, you are not supposed to-Oh! Wait, not in the face! Not in the face!"

The silence fell over the crowd.

All eyes were on them,

Vernal took the mic.

Jaune covered his face.

"Alright, listen up, all of you! I know that most of you here are losers with nothing better to do than dress up as leather-clad morons and bitches and think you are cool because you watched some Mistralian cartoons with lots of yelling. I also know that at least eighty per cent of you are fucking virgins desperate to get some and watching some camgirls dress up like your favorite cartoon girls drives you nuts," she ignored the death glares thrown her way. Jaune yelped as Vernal dragged him up and planted a deep wet kiss on his lips, invading his mouth with her tongue for the crowd to see. "Having said that, neither me nor MY boyfriend here are as lame you all. And if I see any of you bitches looking at my fucking man, remember-"

She spread her arms, showing her toned body for people to drink in.

"- this is what he enjoys every night. Remember that before looking at him next time!"

Vernal dropped the mic.

Then she grabbed him by the collar and began passionately marking him as hers.

Regardless of that, Jaune would cry as he would later find out he was banned from this convention for the foreseeable future.

Just like the rest of his and RWBY teams.

[insomniblaque]

I’ve been thinking about romantic love for a little while now. Well, mostly romantic, but in general I’ve been contemplating my relationship with men and where love fits in those relationships. I’ll be honest, romantic love hasn’t manifested itself in the way I’ve seen other people experience it. I’ve never been in a mutual relationship with someone I’d call a partner, I haven’t been intimate with a person long enough for that part of a relationship to materialize, and I’ve been thinking a lot about why that is, and the role I’ve had in perpetuating that experience. When I was first trying to learn what love was supposed to look like, around middle school I’d say, I wanted to blame myself and relatively superficial factors based on some of my most intimate insecurities — how I felt about my body, my skin, my hair as the reasons why boys didn’t come flocking to me. I blamed things that are uniquely tied to what I looked like. The way I saw love being expressed to other girls — girls who were taller, lighter, skinnier, with less acne molded my expectation of what men wanted and fueled the insecurities I had because they seemed to be everything I wasn’t. While these thoughts existed and played a role in how closed off I was to the idea of professing my intense like for men, they didn’t stay for long, mainly because of the relationships I had with men at that time. My father always made it a point to affirm my worth. My father loved my smile, my gap, my violet gums, my cheeks and voice and never forgot to remind me of how special and beautiful  I am. He would jest about when I would bring a boy home often because “there was no way they weren’t asking to approach me” because I look the way I do. My friendships with mostly boys around that time also offset some of that insecurity because I had friends who not only valued me as a person but appreciated me for things I didn’t necessarily notice in myself like my wit, sense of humor, ability to listen and call them out on their shit.

Over the years, I’ve gone through different phases of trying to redefine my insecurities for myself but ultimately so that I wouldn’t let these self limiting beliefs stand in the way of the potential relationships I could develop. It started with my face. The ugly duckling years of middle school prompted my first interests in learning about makeup so that I could distract people from what I didn’t want them to see.  It evolved into a genuine appreciation of the art and eventually a form of therapy for me. I loved beautifying myself for me -- a stray compliment (though I didn’t know how to accept them) also contributed to the boost in dopamine but ultimately, it was the agency of being able to do something only I knew how to do at the time that added to my confidence. Next was my hair, I think I was the most insecure about that for the longest time. My sister always had thicker, longer hair than me and my worth — especially in a deeply Caribbean household felt tied to how manageable and beautiful I could be and hair was the first indicator of that. When relaxed, my hair was thin, uneven, and barely scraped my shoulders. In high school, after having skipped a couple of relaxer sessions before the first day of my sophomore year, I chopped it all off with kitchen scissors. I remember wanting to see if I could feel beautiful without hair and that would be the “social experiment”. Learning to love the hair that grew out of my head at any stage and detaching the value of my beauty from it was not what I thought I was doing that day at 15, but looking back my confidence grew over time from this dissociation. I was just a year and a half early from the boom of natural hair journeys and big chops of that era (yes, if you haven’t noticed I am ahead of my time in a lot of ways lmao) where other women and girls were also expanding their definitions of self-love via their hair and that also made me feel more confident that I can be all of myself around anyone. Hair no longer was a contributing insecurity for me. Recently, I did another dramatic chop, rooted more in an existential crisis, but it also kind of reminded me of the first — how I could still see myself as beautiful without relying on the factors that are called conventionally beautiful. Last, was my body. I had been prone to unhealthy habits rooted in my poor body image for as long as I could remember like restricting meals, unsustainable diets, even at one point abusing drugs (long story) to try to shave off of a few pounds or to try to find the semblance of abs under all my stomach fat. This insecurity was the hardest to shake. Looking at old pictures of myself these days baffles me because when I was trying my hardest to lose weight, I was probably at my skinniest. I didn’t begin redefining my body image until I got to college and needed to find a way to curb the freshman 15. A friend introduced to weightlifting our freshman year and all I can remember is how powerful it made me feel. The simple movements of a squat or a deadlift wasn’t what brought the thrill, it was the amount of weight I could hold in my hands for an extended period of time, the mass I could move that made me feel like if I could do that then I could do anything. Fitness in the form of weightlifting where I was tracking progress with what I could do and not how I looked like really helped me redefine the boundaries of my body. I still struggle with body image every now and again since I’m still very far from a set of well defined abs and too many things jiggle without my permission most times and I think it will always be a work in progress for someone like me who’s intrinsically a perfectionist but the frame shift I have experienced since has empowered me in ways that I never thought would belong to me.

Now back to men. I think it was around this time last year that I started taking a critical look at why I was the way I was where men are concerned. It was at the height of my dad’s battle with cancer and I was ini school failing and riddled with guilt about it. The first real idea of what a relationship would look like for me also came up in my thoughts. A guy , the topic of many stories and a couple of playlists, who I had a lot of respect for but for all intents and purposes didn’t reciprocate that respect in the ways I felt I needed kept coming into my mind at that time. We had a relatively complicated history spanning almost ten years now and it was the kind of connection that I didn’t want to bring with me as powerful as it was. The back and forth took me back to a place where my insecurities were the root of my worth and validation and that was no longer my truth. Some part of me really wanted to believe that we were the kind of people who would always find our way to each other and I held a lot of love for him. But given the place I was an in at the time, I felt like I was on the road to losing some of the most important men in my life and I wanted to do as much that was in my power to curb that by questioning the love l held for all the men in my life. So I sent some letters and one of them was to him. Disclaimer, I was really embarrassed by the letter and even more embarrassed that I sent it to his school email so he had no choice but to read it. But in this letter, I thanked him. I thanked him for seeing me— all of me when I felt like nobody did but also told him that I needed to cut the ties that attached my sense of self to how he saw me and felt about me considering he was one of the first people to admit to seeing me in a romantic context. We were becoming adults, diverging paths and still something in me was holding out for him and I knew I needed to work on letting that go. It took me a week to write that letter and another week and some liquid courage to send it to him. I wrote a couple of other letters, mailed some, kept others. Overall in this exercise, I realized the lack of emotional vulnerability I have always struggled with, the coldness as a defense mechanism that I was comfortable using and the sense of security I felt from the validation of my father and my best male friends all fueled the way I shot myself in the foot when it came to letting new men into my life. Fast forward, my father has passed, this man is back in my life in the context of a healthy friendship and I am working on the final frontier of emotional vulnerability so that whatever the next romantic experience that comes my way, I won’t run from it. I made this with all the men I’ve loved in mind, my daddy, my best friend, the first person I said I love you to and meant it, a person who I’ve recently resigned myself to just get to know as opposed to making advances on and every situation I have yet to encounter where the male half of our species is involved. This is to all the men I’ve loved before, will always love, and hopefully will learn to love. Enjoy it.