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pieroulette · 2 years

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| ROUTE 1: HEESEUNG |

— a story that starts with a text —

summary: when you installed a dating app to just mess around with random people, not knowing that you were turning your peaceful life into a bloody one the moment you sent that text.

genre: yandere, angst, college! au

warning: cursing, mentions of implied sexual assault and sex tape, drugs, degrading, manipulation.

pairing: heeseung x fem! reader

word count: 17.3k

a/n: part 2 of EP 9! Thank you for reading and I apologize for any grammar errors, reblogs and comments are highly appreciated by authors! Lmk what you think <3

. . .

| EPISODE 9: TRAITOR |

Heeseung’s eyes boring a hole onto yours as he waited for your answer along with others. Your palms start to get sweaty and your heartbeat quickening with each passing second. You have to save yourself. Shit. What should you say?

“I.. I–” you can’t help but stuttered, trying to think of what to say, the pressure was getting too heavy. You couldn’t bear to let your plan get ruined because of a mistake you did before. “I don’t remember I ever said that before?..”

They tilted their head, even Beomgyu. “Eh? But you did tell us though? Right?” he turned to Kai and Yeonjun, “Right?”

Yeonjun took a deep thought, saying in a low voice. “I'm sure you told us.”

“See?”

Fuck! You can’t let this happen, you have to insist. Shaking your head in confidence, with your lips tugging up in a smile. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about, we did met back then but I never say I didn't knew Heeseung.”

Beomgyu’s mouth gape even further, pointing at himself, “Then are you saying that we’re lying?”

“Even Yeonjun and Kai were sure you said it!”

“Don’t force her if she don’t remember, it was like months ago. It’s only normal that she forget it.” Soobin muttered, fixated on his guitar. "Or maybe you guys forget it. Remember when you forgot which one's your toothbrush back then? Yeah."

“No. No. That's different! Tch. You seem to be lying. . —”

“Beomgyu—”

“Don’t pay much attention to this kid,” you turned your attention to the voice, him. He walked past you and Heeseung, dropping his guitar on the floor. “He probably got a screw loose in his head once again.”

A snicker and giggles emits in the air upon hearing those words.

Beomgyu scoffed in disbelief, rolling his eyes as he dramatically clenched his fists towards Jungwon, “Yang fucking Jungwon, why–”

Too deep in trying to make an excuse for yourself, you snapped your head to look at Heeseung face, you gotta make an excuse. “Heeseung– I don’t know what he’s saying–”

Heeseung rubbed his hand on your arm in a comforting way, giving you an assuring smile. “Of course, Beomgyu just loves to force his opinion on others most of the time so don’t worry about him.”

“I believe you.” His lips tugged up and his cheeks dusted with a faint pink blush, it was obvious from his eyes that he was lovesick. Did he actually believe you?

“R-really?”

“I mean why would you even tell them you didn’t knew me? It just doesn’t make sense.” He giggled, pinching your cheeks and you pouted.

“I guess we were really mistaken, if Heeseung’s girlfriend says otherwise then it’s really not.”

“You are really pabo-yah, Choi Yeonjun.”

“The pabo is you!”

“It feels like i had too much kids in here.” Soobin sighed, and Taehyun giggled — your eyes meeting with his and he in turned gave you a small smile.

A ring echoes through the room, you realise it was from Heeseung who pulled out his phone from his pockets, you saw the caller ID as 'Dad'.

Heeseung then went outside after getting a call, “Oh gotta answer this.” you nodded, smiling sweetly.

You were left with the boys busy with their instruments, awkward you stayed silent but Taehyun smiled, not wanting you to feel left out. "Have you ever listen to rock music?"

Surprised that he asked you a question, you shook your head, "I think I did back then but it's not really my cup of tea."

"So Heeseung hyung is your cup of tea?" Kai giggled, your ears grew red upon hearing it while the others told him to quit it.

“I see you guys were practising, is it for the rock festival?” you tried to strike up a conversation.

“I see you still remember about the ticket.” Beomgyu snorted.

Yeonjun hissed instantly, glaring at him, “Beomgyu–”

“Alright, alright. My bad.”

“Yep! There's a festival set on 2 weeks later, and we were invited to perform. It's a bit bigger than we used to do. An accomplishment I may say it.” Taehyun spoke.

“And since you were Heeseung’s girlfriend, then you got the chance to match cosplays with him!” Yeonjun said.

“How cute.” Kai cooed. “Heeseung hyung cosplaying? What is it then, bet it’s a deer!”

Couple of giggles emits in the air.

“Hm?” you were confused. “Cosplay?”

“Yeah, you know visual kei bands? Maybe not, considering your expression.” Soobin chuckled, “Visual kei bands originally came from Japan but just because we aren’t there doesn’t mean we can’t do it, right? It would be suck-ass if that kind of rule exists.”

“So what do they do?” trying your best to look interested in what they were saying as possible as you can.

“We do cosplays, and makeups—”

“Not your typical boy band!” Beomgyu exclaimed, seemingly proud of what he was doing.

“---We do dress codes sometimes, its actually fun. Unlike classical music which I used to do.” Soobin continued. "Lame black suits and people with zero expressions, I'm glad I left."

You nodded, noticing the sincerity in Soobin's eyes as he spoke about his passion, their teamwork, and how they were going to pursue their dream without giving up. You were not sure what to feel about knowing them a bit more, the fact that they look so happy and proud of what they do makes you wanna puke, it's all because they look so innocent, so humane, and so loyal to each other — the type of friends that you would wanna have if they weren't actually the group that desires to ruin your sister.

And you only notice by now that Jungwon remains silent the entire time, sitting against the wall as he scrolled through his phone and writing on the notebook placed on his right thigh.

You had spent almost two hours in the studio watching them practice with Heeseung, and when it's time to go, Soobin went to talk with him leaving you alone again as you stood outside the studio.

The door behind you opens and you realise it was Jungwon as he pulled the hood of his hoodie and fixes the strap of his guitar case, he seems to not acknowledge your presence as he walk past you not even bothering to say a word.

It pissed you off, however you must take the chance now that you were here. You can't afford to wait another day.

“EJ.” Jungwon immediately halted his steps upon hearing the name leave your mouth.

“On Saturday, in the famous cafe around the city, he wants to meet up. However, please don’t tell Heeseung about it.” you pleaded.

Silence.

“—Why doesn’t he just text me then?” Jungwon raises his eyebrows.

You paused, biting your lips, “I can’t tell much but he just really want to meet you and I believe you know what I mean.”

Tilting his head as he faced you completely, “You’re Heeseung’s girlfriend, why are you still friends with the guy who pushed your boyfriend to the stairs?”

His question surprises you.

“H-he already apologised.”

“And you believe it?”

“I don’t see why you’re interrogating me but i’m only passing EJ’s words to you. Take it or leave it.”

Fuck. That’s too hasty, don’t you think? You frowned but there's not much time left, you could only hope that the boy walking off to the street are going to come. You could only hope.

You and Heeseung went into separate ways after he gave you a peck on your cheek, telling you to look after yourself after dropping you outside Chaeryeong's apartment. Keeping the bright smile on your face as you waved off, watching him as his car left.

The smile instantly disappeared from your face as soon as his car are no longer in sight, pulling your phone out your pockets, you tapped EJ's number.

"Fuck, EJ. I think I screwed up." You face palmed yourself, sighing dejectedly, "Do we really need him? It really doesn't seem like he want to help us."

"We still have to try, what did he say though?" EJ asked.

"He seems to be in Heeseung's side since he kept asking me why I believe you like shit, are you sure he isn't dumb?" You scoffed.

"He was just testing you."

"Huh?!"

"—Since you were with me, he just wants to see if you really believe in me."

"Well then I think I really screwed up since I said you apologized." You whimpered.

A giggle emits from your phone, "Don't worry, we'll just have to see if Jungwon would really come."

"But do you really think he's going to help us to go against Heeseung?"

“And that’s why we gotta try it, take the chance and try to see."

"Alright, I'll be going now. See ya, EJ." You hanged up unbeknownst to the pair of shoes standing behind you.

“What? What are you going to do with your boyfriend? Did I hear it right?”

You jolted in surprise, letting out a small scream as you turned around only to see Chaeryeong's shock expression, eyes widened and her mouth dropped a bit.

“(Name)?! I thought you really love him? That’s why I didn’t say anything even when he was your sister’s boyfriend.” Chaeryeong added in disbelief.

You kept silent as she wait for your response, and a few stares over here and there made you eventually gave up as you sighed.

“I’ll tell you when everything is right. I don’t know when but please, just trust me.”

"Just what are you trying to do, (Name)?"

"Please, just trust me." You pulled her arm, rubbing her hands. “You’re better of not knowing about it.”

Hesitant she was and yet she nodded eventually, just pulling you into her hug as the moonlight illuminated on the both of you.

"Just please stay safe of whatever the fuck you are doing." Chaeryeong pouted, and you giggled nodding in response.

—

The conversation had EJ deep in thought as he looked outside the window for a good min and shuffles around the room wondering what to do next, but he came into a halt and sighed, dropping down as he sat across his room, picking up a notebook scattered on the many piled up notebooks on it, flipping through the pages of his notebook which was filled with music notes and stuff, and so he lifted his eyes to take a brief glance towards the guitar case leaning against the wall but in turn, he didn’t expect to look at it much longer than he thought.

Standing up, he walked towards the guitar case, zipping it open and pulling the dark-red electric guitar and leaned against the edge of his bed, brushing his fingers at the once-played instrument. A surge of memories hitting him.

[ flash back ]

“I like you.”

Chaewon froze, her sweet smile contorting into an utter shock as the boy in front of her confessed with bravery and honesty, seemingly gullible of what situation he had put himself in.

“I don’t know when but I really do like you, Chaewon. Your smile, the way you carry yourself, the way you do stuffs and the way-”

“Shut up,” Chaewon raised her palms, eyes glaring, “Please, stop.”

“W-why? Did I said something wrong?”

“EJ, haven't I told you I had a boyfriend?”

EJ’s world stopped the moment he heard those words, “W-what?”

“I. . I'm sorry I didn't tell you,” she look at EJ with guilt in her eyes, pausing for a few seconds, “I don't know what's going to happen to our friendship now.”

“My bad, I should've known. I'm sorry for putting you in this situation.”

EJ went back home, head falling down in utter disappointment as he clenched the straps of his bag. The orange sunset illuminating his face while he walk across the street, passer-by and vehicles floating like clouds as he was in deep thought. Unbeknownst to him, someone was following behind him. Checking on him as he opens the door of his house with the keys.

He waited for a min, sighing with his hands inside his pockets as his feline-like eyes looks up to EJ’s windows now light up.

. . .

Next day, it was college once again. Dozens of students going in and out, going to their respective classes and hanging with friends and some, alone. Just like EJ right now, as he sat on the bench munching on his the mochi he just bought while on the way to college. He observed as the people scattered all in front of him like ants, in their own group and world.

He had a friend once, a group of friends to be exact, but the friendship had gone broken due to personal reasons, betrayal it was and despite how he had tried, he wasn’t able to do anything but let it fall on the ground, it’s pieces scattered and it’s content that took years to build was gone just like that.

He had gotten his fair share of karma slammed right to his face.

“That looks delicious, I wonder where did you bought it?”

EJ jolted in surprise by the sudden voice, snapping his like a whiplash at the said person and there the black-haired boy with cat-like features stood in front of him, hands in his pockets, and a guitar case hanging on his shoulders with the straps supporting it.

“Eh?” EJ asked again, eyebrows knitted together and his blank eyes emitting confusion as he wasn’t able to hear the previous question due to being in a deep thought.

A low chuckle, almost like cat noise EJ thought, “I asked,” the black-haired boy gestured to the mochi in EJ’s hand with his eyes, “That looks delicious, I wonder where did you bought it?”

“O-oh, this, I bought it in a famous shop across the street, it’s a bit far actually so it probably would take you time to even get there.” EJ cleared his throat, continuing to munch on his food.

“Thanks, would it be okay if you could show me the way later?”

“Huh?”

“Dude, you are somewhat deaf aren’t you?” The boy laughed, “Can you show me the way later once you’re done? Or at least when you’re free?”

“Oh, but don’t you have a map on your phone though?”

“I do, but it would be rather fun if there’s someone I could go with.”

“Friends? Don’t you have friends to go with?”

“They’re busy right now, but even if they wasn’t, I’d still want to go with you though.”

“Dude, don’t tell me you..?” EJ forms a defensive posture against the boy, “Are you gay..?”

“You can’t be serious?! I just wanna be friends!” The boy’s cat eyes widened, baffled at the question.

“Oh-oh, that’s nice then, for a second I thought you like me.”

“Yah, your mind’s really something, aren’t you?”

“Sorry, sorry, i guess having a lack of friend do it’s wonders.”

Silence ensues for a min, but the cat-like boy cleared his throat, “Jungwon.”

“Hm?”

“Jungwon, the name’s Jungwon. What’s yours?”

"EJ."

"EJ, wanna be friends?"

. . .

It was actually funny, EJ thought.

A simple question, and the rest was history and yet no matter how simple it was, he can't believe how something so simple could form a genuine bond between two people.

Since from then on, EJ has grew closer with this cat-like boy who he didn’t expect to turn out to be a gentle and reliable person, and especially as a friend. They now often hang out with each other, in random spots of the city, going to different restaurants and all.

“Bro, you bought fried chicken when I obviously told you that I’ll buy buns for us?” Jungwon sighed dejectedly, dropping the paper bag with buns inside it on the bench.

While, EJ who has a chicken in his mouth, shrugged in response and sat down, “Well, at least, we have two dishes now.”

“Can you finish it though?”

“Wha- Of course not?? Do I look like I can finish both?!”

“That’s the deal, you dumbo.” EJ groans in pain after getting flicked on the forehead by Jungwon.

Hanging out together in front of the bun shop, the hot smoke flowing through the air as both of them munched on their hot bun, their feet swaying in the air on repeat and their shoulders raising and falling, the starry night sky and the busy city of the nightlife serves as a spectacular scenery for the two boys. But soon, boredom strikes and a series of sighs and murmurs left the mouth of Jungwon.

“So? Do you have any girl you like?”

Silence. But EJ immediately regained his composure, munching on his bun, “Yeah.. but she..” looking at the meat filling inside his bun, “Nah, my crush actually had a boyfriend now.”

“That sucks, how come you didn’t knew?”

“I don’t know, I might be really dumb then that I wasn’t that up to date with the college.”

“You could actually say that, you even thought I like you at first. That I was gay, wow.” Jungwon gave out a look of disbelief, shaking his head.

“Bitch, it really do look like you like me. I mean, the way you said it sounds so gayish.”

“Maybe you’re the one who is gay for thinking that!” Jungwon gagged, rolling his eyes.

“Probably you! Okay then, got any crush?”

“Tsk, got no time for that-”

“Hah! Gotcha, gay you are!”

“Oh please, shut up.” Jungwon growled, “Got no time for that, girls are a waste of time, besides I’m too busy with paying off my bills and getting into rock venues.”

“Wait, you’re in a band?!”

“Bro, you’re certified dumbo at this point if you didn’t knew by the fucking guitar I was carrying all this time.”

“I just thought you love to play guitar!— but I guess we can say that.” EJ burst into laughter but pouted after, “But really, you play in those grand rock venues and the fact you are in a band?!”

“It’s not that grand, more like underground rock bands. We played for quite awhile now, but soon, I’m sure we will be able to play in the big venues.” Jungwon looks up to the night sky, painted with stars and the bright moonlight.

“That’s so damn cool.” EJ turns to look at his half uneaten bun once again, “I, too, wanna play .. with friends someday. Would be so damn nice.”

“You like guitar?”

“Yeah. I had one but it's rusty and old, been awhile since I used it.” EJ rubbed his head in an abashed manner.

Jungwon paused for a moment, thinking deeply and then turned to face EJ, “Wanna meet them?”

“Who?” EJ raised his eyebrow in confusion.

“My friends, the rock band.”

“W-wait, woah, really?! You gonna do that for me?” his jaw dropped with the content of his chewed bun inside, Jungwon cringe upon seeing it.

“Bro of course, but eat your bun first.” shaking his head while chuckling, Jungwon went to eat his bun again and EJ who was giddily eating, stomp his feet on the ground on repeat, excitement surging in his veins.

. . .

“We’re here.” Jungwon exclaimed as he pushes the door open, the bell above it clinking in unison with the chill fragrance of the studio hits EJ’s nose, the warmth from inside engulfed his being. The posters and random magazines splattered on the dark painted wall, along with the unused instruments hidden inside the glass box, the black carpeted floor leading to the living room with sofas and a dining room, the walls from the other hallway was painted orange with the faint glow illuminating from the lamp hanging on the ceiling.

It was EJ’s first to be in a place like that, a place that exudes rich and untouchable yet with an aura that also emits wildness and rebellious phase of teenagers.

People like him, and at the same, weren't like him.

Then Jungwon leads him to door of among the doors leading to the corridor, and a blaring sound of instruments were playing from the distance, a group playing together, it sounds nice, EJ thought.

Jungwon halted his steps in which he did so, motioning for him to stay quiet, EJ nodded in responsr and then Jungwon pushes the door open, revealing a few boys playing their respective instruments altogether completing a melodic piece throughout the room.

“Oh, Jungwon! God, there’s no food?”

“You just ate an hour ago." Yeonjun snorted which made Beomgyu rolled his eyes, however the face of the stranger standing behind Jungwon caught his eyes.

“Who’s that beside you?”

Jungwon smiled, “This is EJ, my friend. He also loves to play instruments! Especially guitar.”

EJ then moves forward, bowing down as he introduces himself, his bright smile beaming and heart beating in excitement with the thought of now having a group of friend around his age, once again. “I’m EJ, im- Nice to meet you all! I've been playing guitar since I was a kid—”

Upon introducing himself, he felt a bit embarrassed but to his surprise, all of them was delighted in meeting him, exchanging fists just like how he had always observed others do, and asking each other about their favourite hang out spots and stuff. It was the first time for him for a very long time. But all has come to an end, as the door to the room pushes open, revealing the tall boy on his phone with green highlights on his lush hair.

“Heeseung-ah!” W-what?..

“Look, Jungwon’s friend is so good with guitar! I wonder, if he could be a new member in our group?”

EJ’s eyes widened, world shattering as he take in the sight of the taller boy who was actually his crush’s boyfriend. A tint of hatred spiralling in the depths of his heart, face felling down and soon it turns into a glare towards the cat-like boy sitting across the room who was now confused by EJ’s sudden change of demeanour.

EJ bursts out the door, with Jungwon following behind, calling out for him desperately.

“EJ! EJ!” Jungwon pushes the door open, feet scattering around the now-dark city with the neon lights glowing in the darkness, and passer by giving a weird look at them, and some on their phone glowing against their face, ignoring the commotion.“EJ! What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?’ EJ lets out a dry chuckle, “What’s wrong with me, huh? Why didn’t you tell me that your friend was actually Lee Heeseung?!”

“Yeah? What’s wrong with that?”

“I told you my crush, my fucking crush, her boyfriend is Lee Heeseung!”

Jungwon froze, “C-chaewon? You mean Chaewon? You never told me though?”

EJ groaned, he couldn’t ignore that, he never did once told him that the girl he had taken an interest was Chaewon, nor the boy she likes was called Lee Heeseung. But shame strikes him and he ruffles through his hair in annoyance, him in a rock group along with the boyfriend of the girl he likes? This can’t be.

He stormed off despite Jungwon’s protests, following through his emotions.

. . .

[ end of flashback ]

EJ plucks the strings on his guitar, letting out a sigh for the nth time. “Would he forgive me though?” it came out as a whisper to the air, hoping that someone would actually give him the reassurance that his wishes would be able to come true.

Weekends. A sense of comfort. Sun rays reflecting against the glass window. The scent of coffee lingering in the air as the waiters shuffled around the place completing the orders. There EJ sat at the table, fiddling his hands as he waited for that particular someone. Would he really come? Was I wrong?

Those thoughts run relentlessly through his mind for awhile now, looking down to his coffee.

A bell rang and yet EJ didn't bother to look up.

"Welcome!" The waiter exclaimed. The said person approached EJ's table and stood in front of him. Slowly looking up, EJ's jaw dropped.

“Jungwon!” EJ exclaimed, utter surprise displayed on his face,"You came."

“Of course, why would I refuse to meet you?” Jungwon chuckled. "Been awhile, though."

EJ let out a dry chuckle, rubbing his head, “Yeah, been awhile. How have you been?”

“Good, the band actually miss you a lot.”

“I doubt that,” EJ said.

“They do care about you though.”

“We both know that’s not true.”

Silence ensues between them, as the crowds’ murmurs and life of the city moves through the space as they struggle with their words but the memories from past hits them.

“You know, I’m sorry I didn't try to understand you b-back then.” EJ lets out, stuttering as he didn’t expect himself to even do it. “And I’m sorry for even doubting you were capable of doing that.”

“It’s the past, let’s move on from it?”

“No.. no, at least tell me how mad you are? Something?”

“I don’t think there’s anything much to say already you know.” Jungwon sighed, "EJ, I still want to be your friend and hang out like we used to do but if you are here to ask me to do something against my friends, then you are greatly mistaken."

EJ knew. He knew Jungwon would say that, and yet he still tried.

[ flashback ]

After a few days, EJ throwed his head against the grey-painted wall of his dimly light room. The music papers he had spent a week ago so that when he go to the studio and meet them, he would have something to prove, something that would prove his worth and eligibility of being a part of them. Jungwon, himself, had never particularly asked for him to do anything but he just really wanted to at least try something. But what a joke it was that instead of practising with the band, he’s still in the same place, cold and alone on the comfort of his bed and the sight of his old guitar want to make him puke and disappear from the face of the earth.

His hasty and rush attitude, always the same thing, all his entire life, his attitude and short-temper that manages to ruin every opportunity in his life. Why did he even get mad at Jungwon? For what? He didn’t even knew so why did he— why did he throw his anger at Jungwon?

The sight of the extravagant studio makes his knee weak, almost changing his mind to just went back home and hide again but he couldn’t always be like this. He have to change.

He can’t blame Jungwon for not knowing about it, neither Heeseung. EJ never knew him, that guy Heeseung had never done anything bad to him so why should he get mad at him just because the girl he likes didn’t like him back? As much as his emotions gets bitchy sometimes, he can’t let his life get ruin by his petty emotions, once again.

Knocking on the door despite the blaring music making his heart drop, he still went through his decision and bowed, apologising at his actions that day.

But to his surprise, they accepted him and wasn’t a tad bit upset at his sudden outburst that day, neither was Heeseung who greeted him with the brightest smiles adorning his face, a complete change of personality of what he used to hear — a different guy he was from the popular names given among the ladies who wanted to get in his pants, and from the guys who envy him and wanted to be like him, as he stretched out his hand for EJ to shake, astounded was what he could feel at that moment, for the black-haired boy with green highlights over it wasn’t bothered at the fact and was seemingly delighted to make him, a random boy with a huge gap of their social status, a part of their rock band.

And EJ was far more grateful than ever. He spent all night and day hanging with his newly found group, he was in a complete bliss and joy, having what he call ‘friends’ or ‘peers’ and being wholly accepted for who he is, and praised by his skills, it was everything he could ever wanted, everything he could ever dreamed of.

Heeseung, had turn out to be the best guy and friend he had ever known, second to Jungwon because he couldn’t let the cat boy frowned upon their sudden closeness in which he laughed it off. EJ had looked up to Heeseung since then, he treated him like a younger brother and never a stranger, and was always delighted to help him in his instruments and taught him almost about anything. Even with his wealthy vibes and fuckboy status exuding too much in the air, Heeseung was humble and gentle, definitely the type of friend that screams 'bros before hoes' at this point.

At that point, life was perfect for EJ, and he wouldn’t trade any day or life for this moment. The wonderful sight of his peers with their brightest smiles beaming in the air while they respectively play their instruments and EJ playing along with them, was everything he wanted even if he wasn’t able to get the girl of his dreams.

EJ had by far, forgotten about the existence of the girl of his dreams. But almost it was, as reality pulls him back but in a much, much crueller and dirty canvas than his life used to be. It was represented to him in a way it would make him puke and never appear again, nor acknowledge the people he once proudly acclaimed as ‘family’.

The newly found family that turned out to be devils in disguise.

“EJ! Heeseung’s throwing a party, wanna join?”

“Yeah, join us! It would fun to have you there.”

“Besides you could meet more girls.” Beomgyu cooed, making EJ let out a chuckle and he nodded in response.

"Alright, I'll come." The red-haired boy jumped giddily upon hearing it.

It was EJ's first time to went into a party, especially with friends. The sight of Heeseung's house with flashy lights and buffet just around the corner made his jaw dropped. His stomach grew uncomfortable to their unfamiliar environment he was in.

But what he saw next was enough to make his heart burn in pain, there the girl he likes in the arms of the guy he now looked up to. He wanted nothing but to left at that point if not because of Jungwon along with Taehyun calling out for him, already noticing the weight of the situation.

“This is my girlfriend, Chaewon. Chaewon, this is EJ. The new member of our group.”

"Oh, hi." Chaewon hesitates to look up to EJ, but eventually responded.

"Hi."

EJ's eyes was filled with sorrow as he can only watch the girl he likes beams in utter happiness in Heeseung's arms. Clenching his fists, he turned around not wanting to see them anymore when the rest of the boys appeared, ushering him to go with them upstairs.

“Do you still like her though?"

"H-huh?" EJ was taken aback by the question. "What?"

"It's so obvious that you like Heeseung's girlfriend." Yeonjun smirked

"Yeah, even Heeseung realise that but he kept quiet because he priorities our friendship more."

Guilt engulfed EJ's being as he looked down, his fists clenching the material of his pants, "I'm sorry."

"So, do you still like her?"

"Why the fuck are you still asking, it's so obvious."

Because EJ doesn’t want them to get any more wrong thoughts about it, he denied, “No, I no longer like her and I won't let it ruin what I have now. I realise there’s nothing really much about her but I’m happy that she’s in a good hands now.”

“Fuck! I’m so glad to hear that, wooh.” Yeonjun spins around with the red cup in his hand, plopping to the couch beside EJ.

“I thought it would do some harm to our friendship but I’m glad it didn’t go that far.”

“Yeah right? Why let some random girl ruin our friendship for nothing?” Beomgyu patted EJ on the back before plopping to another couch.

“It’s a coincidence, really but I’m glad you think the same way as us. Heeseung really do know how to pick someone, he never got it wrong.”

EJ nodded, smiling but felt guilty for lying and yet they were right, he can’t betray his now group just because of a girl he barely knows, a girl that was actually taken from the beginning.

“It must be fate!” Beomgyu exclaimed, “Soobin, Yeonjun, Kai, Taehyun, me! Jungwon and you! Heeseung that bitch got some damn good eyes and it was really an honour to meet you all my good friends.”

“Ew, go away.” Taehyun laughed, pushing off Beomgyu who tries to give him a kiss and the rest chuckled upon the sight.

“Ouch, at least a kiss won’t do? My bromance heart is hurting you know,” Beomgyu shrugged but eyes on EJ instead, “EJ, my dude!”

Hovering on him, Beomgyu gave him a kiss to his cheek much to his protest and the other gagged but laugh eventually.

Kai giggled with his hands covering his mouth, “That girl must be really dumb, right?”

Froze. EJ tilted his head in confusion.

“I know right? Must be thinking she strike a prince charming in a city.” Yeonjun stretches his arms, yawning in the process.

“W-which girl?” EJ asked confused.

The others chuckled, “We mean Heeseung’s girl, Kim Chaewon?”

Soobin took a brief sip to his red cup before looking under the main living room where the both of them, Chaewon in Heeseung’s arms playing together at the table with the others, “Poor girl, yet so dumb, she deserves it though.”

EJ found no words to say, only getting bombarded with the shocking truth as they spoke even more about Chaewon.

“Yah, how long is Heeseung gonna play with her? It’s been like one or two months already? It’s taking so fucking long, I want my moneyyy.” Yeonjun whined.

“Dunno? Guess we just have to wait Heeseung till he gives the sign.”

“W-what are you guys saying?” EJ asked again but his face had gone cold and pale, but managed to regain his composure as to not look too obvious despite his dying desire to know the meaning behind their words.

“EJ, we had a secret.”

“But you gotta keep it okay?” Soobin raised his finger up to his mouth, “We had a deal, a somewhat pricey deal than usual.”

Frozen and speechless, eyes blinking back in tears as he stared at the billiard table, the scattered money on it which made him puke so bad but he contained it, biting his tongue.

"You see this?" Soobin picks up one of the tapes scattered with the money on the table, "Tell me what do you think that's kept inside this tape?"

Silence.

Soobin smirked, his eyes crinkling. “Sex tape.”

Crack.

“We had a business, y’know? How did you think we went this far? We fuck some girls and posted it online in some website, and there money we got!” Yeonjun exclaimed, waving the money in front of his face.

“But.. consent? They give you c-consent right?” EJ stuttered, unwilling to accept the reality represented to him and therefore he wanted to paint it in a much brighter light.

“Of course! Some of them gave us consent actually which made our job easier,” EJ's breathe hitched, "But some are a tad bit annoying that we had to threaten them.”

Another crack. Something broke inside EJ. His heartbeat rapidly slamming through his ribs and blood boiling inside his veins but he kept it in, trying his best to calm down by clenching his fists to the point his knuckles had grown white.

“So.. you forced them?” forcing out a smile, he glanced at Soobin.

“Smart!” Soobin flicks his finger, spinning around the edge of the table as he prepares to hit the ball wth his stick, “Heeseung told us that his girl would be the next target—”

“What?”

“— And it would take some time but Heeseung wanted to get his way with the girl, since you're with us now.. You'll join us recording her, easy right?”

EJ didn’t do anything. The monstrosity of this seemingly innocent boys who chased for their dreams turn out to be devils. He just nodded, the emptiness inside his heart was mocking him for even harbouring familial love for his ‘peers’. He couldn’t do anything.

In an instant, he stood up much to their surprise, “I’ll have to go outside to get some air, it’s getting stuffy here.” The rest nodded in response, Beomgyu telling him to take care made him wanna puke.

Take care? How can they do something so disgusting and yet still manage to say, take care?

EJ halted his steps upon hearing Chaewon’s giggles, her head resting on Heeseung’s shoulder as they played at the table together. Without much thought, with a great desire to tell her the truth, he approaches them but when he saw Heeseung, his feet halted by its own.

What are you doing? Why did you stop? You should fucking tell her and save her! Tell her the fucking truth! EJ screams in his mind.

And yet, he was unable to bring himself to approach them. Because in the depths of his mind, there lies words that rang inside the darkness,

Ignorant fool, why do you think she will believe you and not her sweet beloved boyfriend? You must be really dumb. Do you know where you are right now?’

In a party, who hosted it? Heeseung. Whose house are you in? Heeseung. The people in here, who are they? Heeseung’s friends. Chaewon? Heeseung’s girlfriend. Who do you think they will believe? You must be an utter fool to think that this is some kind of a drama where the good guys always win.

“EJ?” a hand rested on his shoulder snapped him out of his deep thought, turning around only to see his friend with those familiar feline-like eyes, Jungwon.

Mind dazed and empty and yet the burning rage inside his heart had him completely storming off the house despite Jungwon’s protests.

Walking back home was emptier, and wholly darker than ever it used to be.

“EJ! EJ! What’s wrong?!” Jungwon kept calling out for him and yet he didn’t halted his steps, but upon a few more calling, he froze and there he turned to Jungwon and within a few seconds of stare down, “EJ?”

EJ sprints towards him much to Jungwon’s surprise, he couldn’t contain his anger anymore to the point he punched the boy to the ground. “You fucking disgusting! Why? What kind of human are you, bastard?!”

“W-what are you saying?!”

Hissing with tears forming in his eyes, “Okay, tell me you didn’t know about the entire deal, that disgusting deal Yeonjun, Soobin, everyone including Heeseung! That tape!! You didn’t know right?”

Silence. A deafening silence forming between them which irritates EJ as time passed, but sadder he was when the truth slowly hitting him in a cruel way.

“You.. knew?”

“I..”

“You fucking knew and yet you did nothing?!” EJ pulled him through his collars.

“How could I do anything?! EJ! They’re my friend!”

“Friend? Those devils are what you called friends?” EJ scoffed, “They can’t even be called humans, what friends posted disgusting tapes of girls without their consent?! This is literally a crime!”

“I didn’t help them. .” Jungwon shakes his head, "I couldn't do anything. ."

“You’re still the fucking same!!”

“I couldn’t do anything! I could only watch them.” Jungwon keeps shaking his head, tears streaming down his cheek, “Tell me. What else could I have done?”

“Fucking report them off to the police, bastard!”

Jungwon lets out a dry chuckle, “You can’t be serious? Between those girls and my friends, you couldn’t tell me to betray them. I could never bring myself to betray my own friends.”

“—No matter how evil or disgusting the things they did, I could only watch them do as they please. I don’t have anyone but them.”

Silence once again. EJ couldn't believe what he was hearing right now.

“You can tell me to do fucking anything but you can never persuade me to betray my own friends. They’re all what I got.”

“Then are we even friends in the first place?” EJ bawled in tears, “I guess we were never friends then if you loved your so-called disgusting friends.”

Pulling away harshly, EJ walked backwards shaking his head, jaws clenching as he looks at Jungwon in disgust. “—I can’t believe you.”

"Go ahead. Please report us to the police."

"Huh?" EJ turned around, eyes red with tears.

"I could never betray my friends no matter how it hurts me that they were doing all these stuff. So do it. That way, at least I won't have to be guilty all the time."

. . .

[ end of flashback ]

Guilt was eating EJ as that was the last time they had ever met, was he being hasty at that time for not listening to Jungwon, now that he thought more about it, Jungwon did had a point — if he was his friend, would he had reported him off to the police? Which was actually the right decision to do? Which was the choice he should’ve made that time? Which one?

The hot brew of the coffee blows with the gentle breeze in the busy crowd of the cafe, and yet the deafening silence between the two boys grew emptier.

And even when EJ had expected for this, he was still surprised.

Not wanting to beat around the bush, EJ decided to just completely be honest, "That's what I'm here for. I want to ask for your help to get the tape."

"Tape? are you saying?—"

"Yes. Please give me the tape. I need it."

"So you did decide to do it. . Well I guess this is how our friendship ends then—" Jungwon pausing, biting his lip, "But I can't help you with it."

"What?"

"The tape, you want me to get it right? Well then, I'm sorry. I can't do that."

"W-why? Didn't you tell me to do it myself, to report them off to the police?"

"That's the point. Do it yourself. The tapes are in the studio. Get them yourself."

"You know I can't. You know that."

"I'm sorry. There's nothing much I could do. All I can say is get the tape yourself. I can't help you, I can only tell you where the tape is." Jungwon stood up grabbing his guitar case as the chair creaked in the process.

“Jungwon, you had a sister right?” Jungwon froze.

“What would you if it was your sister?—" his face had gone pale when those words left EJ's mouth, "What would you do if the girl they were recording, sprawled on the bed with her clothes stripped off, would you still choose your friends over your sister?”

EJ waited patiently for him to respond all while noticing the cat sticker on the back of Jungwon's leather jacket.

"Whatever you say, there's nothing I could do." Jungwon walks off to the door much to EJ's utter disappointment and yet he still tried one last time.

"If you ever change your mind, just know that I'll be here next week. In the same place and in the same time "

—

“Is that guy Jungwon really going to come though? I kinda doubt he will.” You shrugged as you scrolled relentlessly through your phone. A week had passed since Jungwon met EJ in this cafe, and you couldn't help but notice how he often sighed throughout the time, the fact he wasn't entirely sure if Jungwon would come either has you on the edge of your seats.

“I don’t know, we’ll just see.” you noticed EJ’s face falling down in disappointment as he look down to his hands.

“Do we really need Jungwon? Like we really, really need him?” you asked, curiosity glints in your eyes, “I mean he’s a part of that group, besides we can get that tape ourselves.”

"By what? Stealing? We only know that the tape is inside the studio not that we know where the fuck is it."

EJ sighed through his nose, “He plays an important role, he’s important because it’s only him who will be able to make this mission works. The only fucking problem was he is so fucking loyal.”

You nodded, was he really that important? You don’t know, there’s no other way but to believe in EJ like you always did, he always know what to do and so this time won’t be any different.

The both of you waited for a long long time.

It turn out to be a fatal failure as the sun went down in a slow agony, replacing the once blue clear sky with it’s orange glow and street lamps were glowing, the life of the city were merrier and livelier than ever.

“It’s obvious that he won’t come, it’s such a waste of time don’t you think?” You raised your eyebrow, “If you said that he was too loyal to his group then why would he even bother to come here? Like get an idea?”

“There’s still time.” EJ doesn’t bother to look up, but you can sense the determination and trust sparkling in his eyes, his knuckles growing white due to the firm clench he had in it, “I know, I know he will come.”

Looking far away in the distance, amidst the crowds, there your eyes catches something familiar; the boy with his lush black hair flowing through the breeze, shoulder hitting shoulder and his fingers brushing his hair off from his feline-like eyes. His rubber shoes bringing itself through the street with grace and the way he carries himself in a confident but silent manner emits a somewhat dangerous aura that you weren’t able to comprehend as he approaches you both.

“I knew you will come.” EJ exclaimed in happiness as he stood up, chairs creaking due to his sudden movement.

Jungwon stayed silent, and yet he managed to say a single sentence, "I don't know if I could help much but I'll try my best."

You don’t know why, you should have been happy right now that he came because it means that it will all go well soon but why there’s something about this boy that strikes a suspicion in you?

You observed as they talked, your arms crossing as you tilted your head, observing the boy.

“Can we really trust him?” you asked, arms crossing as you lean your head against the wall of the grocery store. Jungwon had left awhile ago and you are now with EJ, voicing your thoughts.

EJ drank through his soda can, fiddling his fingers. “That, we’ll have to see.”

You hummed in response. "I hope he won't betray us though."

"I really hope so."

—

It was an utter surprise when EJ calls you that Jungwon already got the tape, pretty fast than you think. You actually thought it would take awhile before he's able to get his hands on it, but is it still a surprise? He was one of them and you only compromise because EJ was always defending him and here you are with EJ and Jungwon as they prepare to play the tape.

Your stomach curled in fear from what you are going to watch soon.

“You know you don’t have to watch it if you don’t want to.” EJ asked you with concern on his face.

“No I’m good, I’ll have to see it with my own eyes. I.. really need to.” you looked down as you clasped your hands together, clenching it to feel the warmth forming. You really need to see it.

The tape starts playing. The familiar faces and voices inside the tape made your breathe hitched.

You froze when you watched the content of the tape, instantly bringing your hand to cover your mouth from puking at the disgusting sight. There you heard the laughter from the boys as they forced themselves on a girl you never know, but her pain you felt as her innocence were stripped away from hers, and then the camcorder were handed to someone, your heart sank when you saw the person’s reflection against the mirror.

Heeseung was the one who’s holding the camcorder.

Shock was an understatement as you can’t bring yourself to say anything, something seems to have been stuck in your throat and you punched your chest in a slow manner as suffocation slowly became the answer.

You can’t believe it. Heeseung, the one who had treated you with kindness as if he was an angel and protected you all this time turn out to be the worst person to live in the face of this earth, disgusting was what you could define him now and you turn out to be a hypocrite as well, since even though you acted like you hated him and wanted to ruin him, you still had this tiny hope hiding in the depths of your heart that you were actually wrong, utterly mistaken for suspecting him all because you just wanted everything to be fake so you can run to his arms like always and loved him with no limits.

But how funny it was that it was all true and reality slammed it to your face in a harsh and cruel way, representing Heeseung’s real persona in front of you as tears formed in your eyes, covering your forehead with your hand as your mouth trembles.

“This can’t be true—” you let it out as a whisper, not wanting to let EJ hear it but he knew. EJ knew and yet he lets you accepts it slowly till you are able to stand up on your feet.

Jungwon finally paused the tape, fixing his posture as he looks at you and EJ.

“So what are we gonna do? Give it to the police?”

“No, that’s basically digging our grave, you know how influential Heeseung family is? Who knows that the officer would be fucking corrupt as well.”

“Then how are we going to?” you asked.

“On the rock festival.” EJ clenches the tape in his fist, “We’ll put them in their place in the very eyes of their fans, after that, Jungwon you’ll have to speak and tell them that they should stop supporting a group like this.”

“Then we’ll get unnie to watch what kind of a shitty monster he was.”

“What?”

“You heard me, he’s the reason why me and my family are ruined. So they’ll have to be in there to watch with their own eyes.”

“But how? It’s not like they would come if you ask them too?”

“I’ll ask Chaeryeong.”

“Chaeryeong? You mean your friend? Wait, this doesn’t seem quite right. We’re not sure yet if we could believe her.”

“EJ, are you serious? Chaeryeong would never do that.”

“But, ugh. She haven’t meet Heeseung, didn’t she?”

“No not yet, I never introduce Heeseung to her yet despite telling her about our relationship.”

EJ contemplated, turning to look at Jungwon, “Jungwon can’t you do it for us though?”

“I don’t really talk with her, she rarely talk with us unless at the party. Though she only exchange a word or two then went to Heeseung for the rest of the night.” Jungwon sighed, “And I doubt she’s going to follow me considering her relationship with Heeseung.”

“I also doubt Chaewon would follow her, who obviously was your friend.”

“We gotta try it, please.” You pleaded, “Just let me tell her, she knows what to do so just let me do it, EJ.”

—

“So! What you wanna tell me?” Chaeryeong plopped on the couch, sitting beside you as she took a pillow, embracing it with a wide smile on her face.

“You know what I wanna tell you the other day? When I told you to wait?”

“Hm, yeah. That one. Why?”

“I think I’m ready. I’m ready to tell you now.”

You finally told her everything that had happened, not keeping a single detail from her. From the day you messed around with the dating app, to the hallucinations you got, the accident and then to the present where you were planning to go against Heeseung, your boyfriend.

“(Name), can you give me a slap?” Chaeryeong gave a light slap to her face, “Am I hearing you right? Your boyfriend- No, no. Chaewon’s boyfriend- That monster is doing this to you? And you didn’t even tell me before?!”

“I wasn’t sure back then! Still I couldn’t risk you getting into trouble because of me.”

“But we’re friends! (Name), friends don’t leave each other. You should’ve tell me in the first place, y’know just so I could help you and you weren’t alone in all this stuff.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not alone. EJ was with me the entire time.”

“I gotta thank that guy then.”

“But this is disgusting. That monster planning to do that your sister? But i’m glad you already got that tape, you should report him off to the police as soon as possible.”

“We can’t, actually. EJ said it was too risky. We were planning to reveal that tape on the day of the rock festival.” You paused, “And we’re gonna need your help.”

Chaeryeong looks at you with curiosity, “What help?”

—

“Your friend?—” you had bring Chaeryeong to EJ's apartment and even though he already agreed to let you being your friend, you could see that he was still hesitant and suspicious of her presence.

“We can trust her, she’s the only one who can talk to unnie."

EJ hesitates for a minute but eventually agrees as you all sat at the table, listening as he talks about the plan which tooks almost an hour.

“Remember, you’ll have to take Chaewon and her parents to the rock festival before it ends. I don’t care what method you take but you must take her there at all cost.”

Chaeryeong nodded, looking at you for comfort in which you gently rubbed her hand.

“Jungwon already converted the tape into a USB.” EJ said. “Is the USB still with you?”

“Yeah, here.” Jungwon pulls out the USB from his pockets, placing it on EJ’s palm.

“The plan’s set. This is the only chance we got.”

You all nodded in unison.

“I’ll keep this in my room, just in case anything happens. It’s not safe to bring it anywhere with you until the day comes.” EJ went up the stairs, leaving you all three at the table.

“I know it was serious, but didn’t knew it would be this serious.” Chaeryeong said in a low voice.

“I won’t force you, you know? It’s really risky, I won’t blame if you want to back out now.” You rubbed her hands in a comforting way as you gave her a small smile.

“Nah, I won’t. We’re gonna get that bitch his karma!” You two giggled in unison when a few knocks were heard outside the door.

“I’ll get it, it’s the landlord.” EJ closed the door behind him as he went outside to talk with the old lady. You let out a yawn, tiredness engulfing your entire being.

“Go get some nap, (Name).”

“Would it be okay?” you weren’t so sure if you could.

“Just go ahead,” Jungwon said while his eyes were fixated on his phone, his fingers scrolling through the screen. “EJ won’t mind. I used to sleep here too.”

There’s no words exchange needed as you smiled abashedly and went to the couch, taking one last look outside the window to see that EJ seems to be in a serious conversation with the old lady, thinking that it might take long, you slowly dozed off.

After a few minutes, Jungwon stood up, the chair creaking in result which took Chaeryeong’s attention from her phone. “I’ll just grab a drink, want some?”

“Hm, sure.”

Chaeryeong watched as Jungwon’s figure disappeared inside the kitchen, eyes flying into space as she waited when she suddenly heard him talking to himself, or rather, talking with someone on a phone. She then look at your sleeping figure on the couch, your eyes heavy and tired as your chest rose and fell silently, eyes frantically gazing around her surroundings as she slowly stood up on her feet to prevent the chair from creaking, up to the stairs she go. A small hallway with three rooms in either side, and one of them was opened as the bright sunlight were illuminating on the wooden floor.

Sighing dejectedly, Chaeryeong looks around and then halted her steps in front of the room which has scattered notes on the floor and the desks messy with open notebooks. The window left opened as the soft breeze past through, curtains flowing with the air. The dark blue mattress with the soft white blankets turned over, she went inside and stopping to take a brief glance to the notes on the floor.

Jungwon sighed, “Is there really no way to pay off the bills? Okay, don’t worry about it. I’ll find a way.” slipping his phone inside his pockets after hanging up the call, he filled the glasses with water and went back to the table only to find Chaeryeong’s disappearance. Looking around, only your figure sleeping on the couch and EJ standing alone outside. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion in which he then brought his attention on the stairs.

Slowly walking through the hallways, he halted his steps to see Chaeryeong touching the red guitar leaning against the wall.

“What are you doing in EJ’s room?” Jungwon’s voice emits in the silence of the room, jolting in surprise she turned around to see him standing at the doorway, his eyes narrowing and arms crossed.

“Ah-ah, nothing! I was just looking for the washroom- b-but.. B-but-” Chaeryeong stuttered, her cheeks dusted with faint blush, “The guitar just took my attention, sorry!” she bowed down.

“The washroom is downstairs. I’m not sure how you were able to miss that.”

“Oh, I didn’t realise. It’s my first time here so I wasn’t aware.”

“That doesn’t seem believable.”

“Huh??”

“What are you doing here? What’s wrong?” EJ suddenly appears behind Jungwon, and when his sight was met with Chaeryeong standing in the middle of his room, his expression changes, “What are you doing in my room?”

“She said she was looking for the washroom but your guitar took her attention.”

Silence ensues for a good minute when EJ spoke up, looking at his guitar leaning against the wall, “I understand if it takes your attention but I would appreciate if you ask before you go around in someone’s house.”

“I-im sorry, I didn’t meant to. I won’t do it again.”

“It’s okay then, you can go.” EJ said, and Chaeryeong immediately nodded walking past them when something caught EJ’s eyes.

“Chaeryeong?”

“Yeah?..”

EJ knitted his eyebrows in confusion as he tried to take a good look at what she was holding in her clenched fists. “What’s that?”

Jungwon then tilted his head to take a good look at Chaeryeong.

“What do you mean?.”

“No, show me.” Reaching out to grab her arm, she walked backwards as if to avoid EJ’s grasp. “Don’t tell me you took something from here, aren’t you?”

Chaeryeong froze but eventually scoffed in disbelief, “Fuck, EJ. I know you’re (Name)’s friend but have some decency, what could’ve I taken from here, huh?”

“You seem suspicious. There’s no need to talk much if you didn’t do anything. Show me.” Chaeryeong pulled away, pushing his arms as he tried to extended his hand.

“Look after your boundaries, this isn’t right!” Yet, EJ continued to pry away her hands, opening her clenched fists.

“Boundaries? You? Boundaries? Then you should’ve think twice before getting into someone’s room!” EJ yelled which shook Chaeryeong and Jungwon.

“I said I didn’t meant to! And still you don’t have the right to force me like this!”

“Just show it and we’re done.” EJ aggressively pulled her arm, prying her clenched fists open despite her protests.

“(Name)! Help! Fuck! Just what the hell you think you’re doing?!”

“EJ? EJ! What are you doing?!” you promptly stood up from the couch after hearing the entire commotion, hurried upstairs only to see Chaeryeong struggling with EJ’s grasp on her arms.

EJ finally pulled away, jaw clenched. “She took something and I don’t know what it is, you better ask her to show it.”

“No! I didn’t took anything, (Name)!”

“Huh? Are you saying that she?—” You struggled to make out words to say.

“There’s nothing to be scared of if you didn’t took anything. You know that tape is important and if she took it, then it’s all over for us. Jungwon had a hard time to take it and if she..”

Silence ensues, the atmosphere of the room growing thicker with tension. You turned to look at Chaeryeong who shook her head in desperation, hiding behind you.

“Do.. we really have to do it?” You asked, eyebrows knitted together as concern evident on your face.

“Shit, this is unbelievable. Why would I steal something?! For what?” Chaeryeong screamed at the top of her lungs.

“You know there’s no need to act all this betrayed if you didn’t do anything?”

“Look! I was just looking for my phone’s keychain! Nothing is there!” she opened her hands and there the fluffy keychain dangled around her fingers.

“God. If it was just a keychain then why you have to act all this way?” EJ groaned, ruffling his hair with his hands.

“I don’t know?? Maybe look at yourself, like the way you act or something. Getting all mad like that, that’s really fucking petty.” Chaeryeong stormed off but not before saying to you, “Where did you even get a friend like this, (Name)?”

You sighed, looking back at him, “EJ..”

“You can’t blame me, she shouldn’t have acted all that way if she didn’t do anything. Keychain? Bullshit. She must have done something.”

“EJ. God.” You went down the stairs, looking for Chaeryeong.

Jungwon had by far stayed silent throughout the entire commotion, rubbing EJ's back as he slowly approaches the window looking at you, thoughts running deeply as he left and walked across the hallway stopping at EJ’s room — staring inside for a minute and left, eyes growing dark and disinterested, seemingly bored.

“Chaeryeong! Chaeryeong where are you? Come back here!” you called out to the empty street, searching for her but she was nowhere to be seen. That girl ran way too fast for her sake, shit.

Your phone rang, and you immediately pulled it off from your pockets and the caller ID had never fail to make your heart sank. Was his existence had come off as too chilling for you that your heart sank in fear whenever you see his name?

Answering it, placing the phone close to your ear, you cleared your throat. “Heeseung-ah?”

—

You went to Heeseung’s home again after his request to meet you, and to actually spend more time with you. How funny was it that there was this tiny happiness inside you when he mention about spending time with you which made you cringe, this feeling was really shitty and you want nothing but to get rid of it quick. As quick as you can, because if you didn’t, then it would serve as a doom for all the hard work you did with EJ, something that can come off as betrayal for EJ and Chaewon.

Heeseung had bought you into an amusement park much to your surprise, you seriously don’t have any time for this though however there’s nothing much you could do but comply just so he wouldn’t get suspicious of you. With an icecream cone in your hand, you waited as he payed near the ice cream stall even though you were still worried for Chaeryeong.

A small hand tugged your pants and you looked down to see a young child around two years old giggling and raising its hands as if to take your icecream in which you chuckled, “You can’t have this kid. It’s mine.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I hope he didn’t bother you that much!” the mother of the child gasp and carried her child in her arms.

“No, no it’s okay!” you watched as they left, the baby waved his arms for you in which you couldn’t help but smile over how adorable.

“I see you love kids?” Heeseung came, licking his icecream.

“Not really, they’re a tad bit annoying most of the time.”

“Not if they’re ours.”

“Gosh, what you taking about? Don’t you think it’s too early to be talking about kids?”

“It’s never too early, why not? It’s much better to plan early, you know.” Heeeung giggled, looking at you with so much love in his eyes. “What do you think about having a child though?”

“Well considering how my mom looks so tired everytime after she looks after us, I can safely say it’s gonna take a hell lot of work to raise a child.” You smiled, a thought passing through your mind, “It’s seems too early to be talking about it but I guess it’s probably nice to have a mini you walking around.”

“I bet the child would look beautiful just like you.” Heeseung’s eyes sparkled as he stares at you making your breathe hitched.

“I’ll take that as compliment, I guess?”

“You should, it suits you.”

“Say, how about marriage? How would it look like for you? Would it be an obstacle or a dream life for you?”

“I haven’t think about marriage yet..” you pouted. “It looks fun though? Having someone beside you for the rest of your life.”

“You’ll definitely take my last name, Mrs. Lee.” Heeseung chuckled, his teeth showing as he blinked in happiness, “It feels like you were born for that name. It suits you alot.”

"Stop with that cheesy lines." You chuckled.

“I mean being your boyfriend is already a gift for me, what more else if I was your husband?”

“Marrying me isn’t a good idea.” you shrugged.

“Marrying you would be my greatest gift. Because you’re my gift.”

“You’re so good, so eloquent. No wonder many girls fell hard for you.”

“They did, many did fell for me but it’s not harder as I fell for you."

Heeseung’s confession had taken you aback to the point you were speechless, your eyes connected with his as you see the soul behind those eyes containing so much sincerity.

“I just wonder what did you see in me, it's not like I'm so special."

“You are special, very special.. I realise you were all I need, (Name). I wouldn't trade you for anything.”

Fuck. Fuck. This stupid feelings. You thought as you bit the ice cream cone, chewing it in.

The topic never seems to go away as he kept asking you questions as you two walked across the street with trees in your either side, the breathtaking sight of the pink petals falling with grace five centimetres per second.

“What does being a housewife look like for you then?” Heeseung looks at you with so much love in his eyes for the nth time.

“Hm, asking such question to a 17 year old would surely backfire. Mr. Heeseung.” you hopped backwards, arms clasped behind your back as you turned to face him. “Being a housewife doesn’t look pleasing at all for me.”

“I can understand why you think so, however wouldn’t it be nice to stay at home.. Say, looking after our child while he plays around and then when I came home, you would greet me and we would have a happy dinner and went back to sleep after saying goodnights and ilys?”

“That’s so cheesy!” You exclaimed, giggling. “Never thought a popular boy could be thinking a traditional family life?” turning around with your back facing him.

“I know right, never thought so much about it till I knew you." Heeseung whispered.

—You don’t realise just how perfect you are to me, that I couldn’t stop myself to envision you in many ways I couldn’t ever imagine I would think of. Heeseung thought as he watched you.

It's all your fault.

—

Going home after a date with you had Heeseung already missing you, excited to pull out his phone to text you again. But the annoying voice of his big sister echoing throughout the house had him rolling his eyes as he sticked his tongue inside cheek.

"You went to date with that bitch again?"

“Fuck, Heeseung, what have you eaten, huh? What did you actually eat that you fucking went to have an affair with that bitch?”

Heemin’s complaint that never ceases to annoy Heeseung. Good old sibling, he thought in annoyance and if only he could kill her, if only he had the chance to do so, he would.

Heemin complains on repeat as Heeseung walks inside his room as he ignored her, despite this she followed behind further testing Heeseung's patience.

“Answer me! Lee Heeseung—” stunned by Heeseung’s cold glare towards her, she gasped, frozen to his sudden change of demeanour.

“Sweet big sister,” Heeseung let it out as a slow whisper, “Noona, I appreciate that you had the time to run that petty mouth of yours, but have you never thought that nothing important nor useful had come out from your mouth?

“What?! Lee Heeseung. Watch your mouth! I’m still your older sister!”

Low chuckle emits in the air, “Unnie, you see, you had actually helped me and I appreciate that but it’s getting too overboard, it’s getting annoying.”

“You had made it easier for me back then but you should know your place.”

“If you weren’t my sister, I would’ve cut that nasty tongue of yours, my pretty big sis.”

Heemin was left stunned, as he walks past her and her body shook to her core. This wasn’t her little brother with his big doe eyes, the one that often laughs at her petty attitudes and groaned. No.. this boy was different.

—

After the date with Heeseung, you went back to Chaeryeong’s apartment but to your surprise Jungwon was there, busy with his phone as he leaned against the wall.

“Um? Is there something?” his feline-like eyes raise up to look at you, slipping his phone in his pockets as he fixed his posture.

“EJ was apologetic over what happened, he asked me to bring a bag of cookies for you and Chaeryeong to reconcile.”

“Oh, he don’t really need to.” You shook your head, “I’m sure Chaeryeong would eventually forget it. She don’t really hold grudges.”

“No just take it.” your breathe hitched when he grabbed your arm, placing the bag on your hands. His grip around your arm and his fingers brushing against your hand in the process made you dropped the bag on the floor.

“I’m sorry!” you immediately knelt down, picking up the bag, breathing in relief as the cookies didn’t fell off on the ground.

“I-im sorry for doing that.”

“N-nothing, it’s just..” you rubbed your arm, something weird from his touch was giving you sudden chills and you couldn’t understand why.

“(Name), if you are still bothered by my presence, the fact that I belong to the group that .. you know, then I understand, I’ll take my leave now.” Jungwon bows down, giving you a small smile as he picked up his stuff and went off.

“No, no! It’s fine, you were never part of it anyways, I’m sorry.” you called out in an abashed manner, but you can’t shrug it off. Looking at Jungwon, there was something in him that doesn’t sit well with you. Was it really because of his friendship with that group and Heeseung? It might be, but at this point, you were willing to let it go for EJ’s sake and so it didn’t bother you anymore, you were certain it was, but why, what is this uneasy feeling that engulfed your being whenever he was in your presence?

The second time you ever met him was back then in the hospital, when you got in a fight with your sister and he came defending you, well not likely, but he did. He came off as gentle and firm through his actions, and he kept proving it over and over again and yet there was something odd about him, were you really just being paranoid due to his connection with them?

“I’ll take my leave then.” he slightly bowed his head, giving you a warm smile as he walked off to the street. You frowned slightly as you rubbed your arm again, watching his figure. It was weird.

—

“What’s up with your friend, huh?”

“Hm?” you looked up from your phone, curious at EJ’s sudden question, “Why?”

“She’s so suspicious, like i just passed by when she was texting and she was so defensive.”

“Maybe, she just doesn’t like it when people look at her texts, i guess.” you shrugged, "But you know she's still a bit pissed over that day."

“That? She got the guts to stay pissed at me when she came into my room all suspicious like that? And who the fuck would be so interested in who she text or what?”

"EJ. ." You pressed your lips tight as you stared at him for a good min.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Fuck, the cookies should've been mine though. She should be grateful." You giggled at to how silly EJ acts, shaking your head as you went back on your phone.

—

“I see you’re being good friends with (Name), that’s quite fast.” Heeseung leaned against the doorway, looking at Jungwon who was fixing his guitar.

‘Y-yeah, we found out we had so much in common, that’s why.” Jungwon stuttered, not being able to lock eyes with the taller boy.

“That’s nice, although I have to say, Jungwon-ah..” Heeseung paused, and Jungwon looks over at him through his shoulder, “I appreciate that you are taking good care of her but that’s my job, just please do your part and try to stay away just a bit from her if you can, please?”

“Oh, sure. I'm sorry, Heeseung."

“Just watch your boundaries, okay?” Heeseung smiled as he patted Jungwon’s shoulder, the boy were left stunned at his odd behaviour and yet nodded in response. "But I'm so excited to watch you guys perform the festival tomorrow though, in a bigger venue. We had gone through so many things I really feel proud to see you guys up there."

"Too bad, I couldn't perform with you guys." Heeseung added as an afterthought, pouting as he sat on the chair.

"We'll give our best to perform for you then, to show how much we had improved." Jungwon gives a small smile as he leaned against the wall, staring at his guitar.

—

It was finally the day, the day you and EJ had been waiting for, the rock festival. The festival where Heeseung and his friends will meet their doom. You couldn't wait for them to pay their price soon.

Ring! Ring!

The doorbell ringing snapped you out of your thoughts and when you went to opened the door, only a black box wrapped with a red ribbon were on the floor. You picked it up, looking around in confusion for anyone who dropped the box. Weird. You went back inside, placing the black box on the table but curiosity gets the best of you as you thought it was Chaeryeong's but when you pulled open the box excited to see the content, the note on it says otherwise.

You know cosplay are a thing for the festival right? So I bought this as a surprise for you, I just thought it would be nice if we could match outfits with each other. The dress would be so beautiful on you, can you wear this for me? :)

Your boyfriend, Heeseung <3

With the note on your hand, you called Heeseung. “What’s this?” trying your best to laced your voice with happiness even though your face was a complete contrast. “A wedding dress?”

“Surprise! Just thought it would look pretty on you, so why not? Also I’m gonna wear the same thing, matching I guess? I really wanna do it with you since back then, kind of a date if you ask me? ” Heeseung paused, “I personally asked them to cut it a bit so it’s easier for you to walk later.”

"That's sweet, of course why not? I would love to wear it then."

"I'm excited to see you in it! I already know you would look so beautiful in it." Heeseung's deep giggle had your stomach grew butterflies, heart sinking in disappointment along with it.

You pulled up the dress and by the looks of it, he really did picked you a wedding dress with multiple laces and diamonds adorning it in a rosy pattern, the dress has been shorten to knee-length when you raised it in front of you, taking a good look at it in front of the mirror.

It was beautiful. Yet, you weren't quite sure what to feel about him being all giddy and excited about matching outfits with you, it doesn't sit well. For a split moment, you felt guilt and yet you couldn't back out now.

You can't.

—

Fixing the piled up clothes on the edge of the bed, Chaewon sighed dejectedly as she relentlessly spent hours in placing them inside the bag. After all that happens, she couldn’t stay here anymore. Not when she had to bear the sight of you with Heeseung, the betrayal and all, it was all too much for her.

“Chaewon are you almost done?”

“Yeah, almost done.” Chaewon answered. After what seems an hour, the doorbell rang taking her attention. Thus, she went to open the door and surprise were splattered on her face, frowning immediately.

“Oh?— Why are you here?”

—

“Yeah. Yes.” Speaking through the phone, he sighed in relief for the nth time, "She'll recover soon, right?"

“Jungwon?”

Jungwon promptly covered his phone with his hands upon hearing EJ calling out for him.

“Who’s that?”

“Nothing, just the hospital updating me about my sister’s condition.”

“I see, I hope she's doing fine?" Jungwon nodded with a small smile, "That's great, the stage’s about to start soon. You have it with you?”

"I'll get back to you soon, please look after my sister."

With that, Jungwon hangs up the phone and went to his bag and there he pulled out the USB, "Yeah, I got it."

"Give it to me, I'll ask them to connect it to the screen when it's time." EJ clenches the USB in his fist as he took in a deep breath, you're done Lee Heeseung.

—

“EJ! Finally, I’m so fucking excited to play with yall. Fuck. this is so exciting, im gonna burst into the air!” Beomgyu jumps in small hops earning a low chuckle of disbelief from Yeonjun.

“But still though, what a fate it was! I thought EJ won’t be able to play with us but who could guess really?”

Soobin patted EJ’s back, “We’re a team after all, it’s nice to have you back, EJ.”

EJ’s lips tugs up in a fake smile, “Thanks, hyung.” Heeseung had accepted him again into the group after Jungwon brought him back a few days ago and EJ had to pretend that he was apologetic for his actions towards Heeseung, which he despised alot but really had no choice but to do it. To his surprise, Heeseung pulled him into his embrace like nothing happened.

Weird.

It was odd, EJ was so close to getting fooled by his innocent character once again and he had to slapped himself to get back on his senses. It was as he doesn't know what's real when Heeseung really seems like he's innocent when you're talking with him.

EJ was still skeptical over Heeseung's friendliness, and chose to remain alerted over what he could be planning anytime at now.

“Jungwon, what’s taking you so long, bro!?”

“Wait, give me a sec! My guitar is pulling up some real shit here.” Jungwon hissed as his fingers brushed across his guitar's strings.

“Why, what’s wrong?” Soobin went up to him.

“Nothing, it’s just the strings— It’s not working.” Jungwon’s concerned face gave them a uneasy feeling. "I think it broke on the way here."

"Huh? Are you serious? Right now?"

"Fuck, we must have had a bad luck."

"Just shut up, Beomgyu."

"You shut up." A series of hiss emits from the two behind.

“Guys, don’t we have any extra strings?” Soobin fixed his posture, looking at the rest of the band.

But his question was met with silence, only shaking their heads. “Taehyun has actually used it for his guitar, it’s the last backup string.” Yeonjun answered.

“So— what now? The performance is around an hour from now.”

“I have an extra string in our studio, it’s apparently old but I think we should try?” Kai suggested.

“I’ll go then.” Jungwon stood up.

"W-wait! It would take you 30mins to get there!"

"I'll be fast!" Jungwon exclaimed when EJ chased for him and tugged his arm.

“I can take you there.”

“No, no, there’s no need. I’ll really be fast."

“Hurry, Jungwon.” Beomgyu said and Jungwon nodded, his eyes meeting EJ’s whose face was painted with much concern and eyes screaming, hurry up.

—

Crowds moving in and out from the underground subway and until to the main entrance leading the venue where the stage will take place, scent of alcohol and dozens of different scented perfumes filling the air, and smell of popcorns making it’s way inside.

You frantically move around, trying to make your way to your seat. Heeseung had told you that he will come soon due to personal reasons with his family and you agreed, actually relief since he can’t come before your family does. Taking out your phone, you scrolled through your inbox and at that moment a new text came in from Chaeryeong.

Chaeryeong: We’re coming, (Name).

A breathe of relief came out from your mouth and content washes over your body. This is it. This was it, the chance, the only chance you had to bring everything back to the way it was before Heeseung ever appeared. The brightest smile tug up to your cheeks when you suddenly felt a strong push towards your back amidst the busy crowd going to their seats, you groan in pain trying to stand up but the weight was firmly pressed on you. The person who turned out to be a girl frantically apologises behind you while you assured that it was fine, pulling you up with her hand.

When you stood up, you were met with the sight of a girl around your age; a slightly huge bag hanging on her shoulder and her attire seemingly unfitting for the theme of the rock party, and something your particularly notice was the pair of keychains hanging down to her bag. Nostalgia hits you as it brought you back to the time you and your sister had coincidentally brought necklaces for each other. That particular moment was the best, actually.

“That’s a pretty matching keychains, you got there.” you blurted out with much thought, and a smile on your face that you didn’t realize were beaming brightly.

The girl notices it and smiled bright as well, “Thank you. I actually made it.

“Oh you did? That’s so amazing? Are you going to pair it with someone?” curiosity filled you in.

She nodded in response, “One of the members from the rock band. I owed him to be honest.”

“So which one of them?” you asked, somewhat curious of her favourite member.

“Hm— it’s one of the guitarist, I'll tell you when he's up there!”

You nodded. Suddenly the girl pulled out her phone, bright screen glowing against her face, someone called her and she nodded in response, “Sorry, I think I will have to go outside for a moment, can you watch my seat for a moment if it’s okay for you?”

“Of course, no problem.” You smiled and she whispered a small thank you before leaving through the exit.

Just then you felt a tug behind you, turning around only to see him. Heart sank along with the butterflies in your stomach, feelings conflicting in chaos as you manage to bring out a fake smile up to your lips in which Heeseung mirrored your actions but much more sweeter, and that made you wonder if his smile and his love was that genuine, then why did he do all of the questionable things he did? An apology or even a dozen ones aren’t enough despite how you want to deny it.

“Hey.” you gently spoke, noticing his attire which match yours; a black suit with a red rose inside the pockets.

“How was the place?” his soft voice brought your attention back on him.

“Awesome! It’s my first time to be in a place like this, the vibe is just so different but awesome.”

“I know right? Isn’t it so nice?” Heeseung smiled at you in which you smiled back. “It’s the first time I brought someone to my favourite place.”

“How about.. Unnie?”

“Ah, I once tried but she doesn’t like places like this."

You hummed in response.

For a moment, you would actually believe in him but there was no way your sister wouldn’t adjust her interests according to his since well, he was her boyfriend so it wouldn’t make any sense that she won’t go to this place even if she doesn’t like it.

She was far too lovesick with him to not follow him through his interests.

What a lie you got there, Heeseung. Too bad, it will come to an end today. I don’t know why you are doing all of these and even no matter how much I have grown to love you, a person like you doesn’t deserve love no matter what kind of excuse you give. It’s just too unacceptable.. you thought as observed him.

"I knew the dress would suit you, you are so beautiful (Name)." Eyes sparkling along with the sincerity and the faint blush appearing on his cheeks once again, you couldn't stop your heart quickening at the way he looks at you either.

Shit.

Heeseung grabbed your hands into his, snapping you from your thoughts. His wide smile remains on his face as he gestured for you to look up. “Look, they’re on the stage.”

The crowd began to cheer so loud the moment the boys went up the stage, going to their respective instruments and there you saw EJ with his plain brown shirt as he carries his guitar, you notice that Jungwon was nowhere to be seen.

Huh? Where is he?

The lights begun to flicker and colourful lights emerged from the ceiling, blinding your view of them for a good minute. EJ then notice you, his eyes beaming but narrowed immediately in which you caught on, looking at the said boy beside you once again. Heeseung smiling ever so brightly at his bandmates, that same bright smile that had caught your heart.

Too bad, that bright smile isn’t that innocent.

Then a burst of scream coming from the crowd emits to the air as Soobin talks through his mic in which you couldn’t be bothered at since they’re going to be gone anyways, that big led screen flashing it’s contents for this entire venue will play the video they recorded themselves for the entire world to see their true colour, for your sister and your family to watch and see what Heeseung really was.

But you couldn’t see your sister or your parents in sight no matter how you tried to search for them among the crowds. Is Chaeryeong running late?

“Do you need something?” Heeseung asked beside you in which you quickly shook your head.

“N-nothing, there’s just plenty of people than usual.”

Hearing that, Heeseung chuckled. “I know right? Our band is pretty famous around this district.”

The time has finally strike for the band to perform their first song but your sister and your parents are still nowhere to be seen. Clenching your fist, it can’t go wrong this way. But again does it even matter if they are here? Everyone right now, in this place, has a phone in their hands recording the entire rock stage in front of them — once the video plays, then it’s all over for them, for Heeseung and his bandmate. Their entire disgusting deal.

"10— 9, 8, 7, 6—"

The people began counting in unison, excitement engulfing each one of them.

“5, 4, 3, 2— 1!”

The led screen blacks out, the crowd had gone silent with some murmuring of what was going on. Finally. You are done, Lee Heeseung.

The bright glow when the led screen turns on again has you shut your eyes tight for a moment, and when you opened your eyes again, something was off.

White. White screen shines the stadium, straining your sight and after a few seconds there a big font letters displayed in front of the monitor has your body and face gone cold. EJ notice your expression and snapped his head to look at the screen behind him.

"(Name), will you marry me?"

Wh-what— W-what’s happening— This. This isn’t what suppose to be happening—

“Everyone,” Soobin chuckled, “There’s a small favour I would like to ask of you, could you please take your attention to the special girl up there who has taken our beloved member’s heart?”

In unison, everyone turns their torso looking at you. Bright flashes from their phone shines on you and multiple murmurs and cheers come all over them, straining your eye and there a hand covers your sight.

“Heeseung?! What are you—”

Plain shock splattered on your face as Heeseung knelt down before you, with one knee under the floor as he presented a black box with a shiny diamond ring inside it with a big smile on his face, doe eyes looking at you with fondness.

“It might be too abrupt, isn’t? He dryly chuckled with a shy smile. “You know, all this time you were the only who was there for me, and it was only then i’ve realised you were the one for me and i wouldn’t waste any more time again.”

Run. Why aren’t you running?

“(Name), could you give me the honour to now be the one who takes care of you and give me the chance to repay all the love you had given to me till this day? To let me be the one for you?”

You were speechless, unable to bring yourself to move and leave. You have to, but you can't.

“I know this is so hasty and all and that i must be rushing everything but.. I can’t wait anymore, I couldn’t wait any longer to take the next level our relationship. I know it’s only been a month but..”

No— don't say it. No!

You gulped, beads of cold sweat trickle down your neck.

"Will you marry me, (Name)?" You felt your world shattered when those words left his mouth, as if it was a dark spell bounding you to his once he let it out because you couldn't say no. Not in this place, not in front of everyone, not when it was so close to reveal the truth. It wasn't suppose to happened this way! Clenching your white dress in your fists, if you reject him then there would no longer be another chance.

"(Name)?" Heeseung's voice snapped you out of your thoughts, everyone was waiting for you to say yes, as some of them had their hands clasping — for the perfect couple in front of them to marry each other. You looked up to the stage to see EJ who shook his head slowly, his eyes screaming, you don't have to do it. You don't have to. Reject him.

“Don’t you love me too? You wanted to be with me too, right?” Heeseung's voice brought your attention back to him again. His eyes pleading with sincerity as he waited for your answer, right..?

Shit. Shit. Shit. Chaos were spiraling inside you as you tried so hard to keep the smile on your face, there's no other fucking choice.

You nodded and in an instant Heeseung gave you the widest bright smile ever and the crowd cheered so loudly more than ever before. EJ clenched his fist at the sight, with a thought of what the fuck was going on. This wasn’t the plan. This wasn’t the fucking plan.

He puts the ring on your finger, pulling you into an embrace and loud cheers along whistles emits in the air with some of them congratulating you and wishing you a happy life as a future married couple.

Heeseung brushes his nose against the blade of your shoulder, feeling his smile against it. He strokes your hair with his finger and he breathes out a sigh of relief. He then leans into your face, almost touching your lips, you gasp and yet you shut your eyes tight at the incoming contact, however nothing happened. You opened your eyes to see the big smile still on his face.

“That wouldn’t be fun.” Heeseung giggled, his eyelashes fluttering as he looks at you with the utmost love.

“Huh?” you raised your eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t take my prize first, how about . . we play a game?”

“What game?”

“I also have another surprise for you! I think it will be in a few minutes soon?” Heeseung exclaimed, “But let's play a game first.”

You nodded, gulping nervously as you took a brief glance at the diamond ring wrapped around your finger.

“Whoever wins, will be able to take their prize!” he whispered against your ear, a smirk forming in his faint red lips. “Take your phone out, love.”

"Huh?"

You hesitated but complied, pulling your phone out of your pockets as you turned it on.

Just then a ting pops up in your phone, and Heeseung gave you a smug look urging you to open it and the bright screen pops up, lighting your face with it’s brightness.

BAM!

You jolted in surprise in unison with the crowds when multiple people in police attires barged in through the door, your eyes widened as you couldn't comprehend over what's happening right now.

“The p-police?”

The boys halted their performance as multiple officers walked up to the stage, the concert halting out of nowhere and the presence of the officers had everyone shook or confused to their core, their banners going down with their arms felling in the process. Confusion arises as murmurs came everywhere and you look around only to realise that when you turned to where Heeseung was standing, he was nowhere to be seen.

You gasp as you frantically look around, and only then you realise that your hands were shaking, noticing the ring in your finger had you frowning. Regaining your composure, you look up to the stage, the officers were up on the stage talking with Soobin.

You can’t heard much of it, only low murmurs and the concern and fear evident on the boys’ expression. It can’t be that EJ had reported Heeseung to the police?

You looked down, eyes unable to focus and a wait of agony as you watched them talking with the officer.

Just then, you heard a ting, likely from a phone so you look around at the crowd and then a two and three pops up.

Only then you realise that it was your phone in your clenched hand, turning it on as the bright screen glows before your very eyes. Your breath hitched and in a split second, shock engulfed your being as your hands weakened at the content displaying in front of you, the phone falling from your fingers in the process as you immediately covered your mouth with your hands.

No one has their attention on you as they were paying too much attention on the commotion unfolding on the stage.

Hands shaking and writhing, you gulped and bent down on your knees as you picked it up, turning it on, knees weak and heart quickening to the point you couldn't breathe as you couldn't believe what you were seeing right now: the text, the chat inbox, the username, the app. The distant voices surrounding you were so loud but were muffled into nothing as the texts had you shaking vigorously in utter fear.

Hee01: hello?

Hee01: anyone there?

Hee01: c’mon kitten, I know you can see this text.

A surge of scream emits in the air has you instantly looking up back to the stage and there your eyes widen in fractions and your soul leaving your body as you witnessed the officer approaching EJ who was now walking backwards.

You were unable to hear what they say, the fear from the text in front of you and the panic seeing EJ in a desperate situation has you frozen.

“W-what are you saying? Me?—” EJ pointed at himself, “Drugs?! Do you fucking hear yourself?! I do drugs?!”

“W-what..?—” stuttering as you heard what he said, and a series of gasp emerges from the crowd all around you.

EJ pushes the officers away, struggling to get off as he continued screaming, “The fuck?! What are your proofs, huh?!”

“A witness. We’ve filed a search warrant to check your apartment, don't deny it anymore. Your room contain drugs inside it.”

EJ couldn't let out any words, shook to his core over what he was hearing and yet he thrashed around when the officers approached him.

“Get off me bastard! Don’t touch me! I never do drugs! It wasn’t me! Fuck you!”

“What witness?! What in the actual fuck is the witness you’re talking about?! Someone reported me? Who?!”

Chuckle emits from the blue haired boy, Yeonjun who placed his guitar against the wall, he slowly mouths to EJ, “You see, traitor. I know what you were trying to do, guess what? This is what you get for betraying us.”

A couple of smirks formed in the rest of the boys' faces.

No. No! EJ pushes the officers from grabbing his arm which resulted in him falling to the floor with a loud thud.

Another ting emits in the air causing you to look down to your phone instantly, and what you saw had you knees gone weak, “No.. no—” the content displaying in front of you has an image attached to it, and it’s none other than your sister and your parents, blood trickling down their forehead as they were left leaning against the wall unconscious.

Tears formed in your eyes in an instant as you struggled to gain your composure, “No! No! What is this?! My parents! unnie!—” Bawling in tears as you thrashed around, pushing the crowds in front and behind you resulting in them screaming however the space leading to the exit was too tight that you were unable to move freely amongst the crowd, and just then you heard EJ screaming at the top of his lungs.

“GET OF ME!”

Another ting emits in the air serving a sound of pure horror to your ears, your hands shaking to see another text coming from him.

Hee01: why are you running?

Hee01: don’t you wanna save him?

Hee01: try to stop him from running or else he's gonna get a hole right to his dumb brain :(

The moment you read that text, another series of scream emits in the air causing you to snapped your head back to the stage and there you witnessed as EJ punched the officers, your feet instantly brings itself to the direction of the stage, “No! No! EJ don’t fight them!” pushing the crowd forward and yet it was tight and heavy you couldn't pass through easily.

“EJ! No!” you yelled at the top of your lungs, getting EJ’s attention on you but just then the officer kicks him on his back resulting in him falling off the stage.

Another scream.

Just when you were able to walk into the front, you were forced to witness as multiple officers pushed through and hovered upon EJ, who was struggling and thrashing around but soon they were able to pin him down with their gathered strength.

Another ting made its melodic horror through your phone, a two, then again.

Your couldn't stop your hands from shaking by, gritting your teeth as hatred consumed your being as you let yourself read the texts from him again.

Hee01: don’t waste your tears, sweetheart.

Hee01: it’s not the time yet :(

Wiping the tears of your face in an aggressive manner, you still can’t bring yourself to stop shaking as you type out a reply and sent it instantly.

sweetpurple17: why are you doing this to me?? What do you want?!

Hee01: didn't I say we would play a game?

- 👤 Hee01 is typing . . .

Hee01: you know the little game you wanted me to play before?

Hee01: what was it called again? Ah, the seventh month game. Right? :)) Too bad it's been over seventh months we knew each though :(

No— . . .How the fuck did he knew. .

The phone slipped out of your hands, dropping to the ground because of how sweaty your hands has become. Picking it up as fast as you could, you could only watch EJ struggling and you hissed, blinking back your tears.

Hee01: I remember you wanted me to guess your name, right?

Hee01: Well guess what, I won, babe :) (Name), was it?

Hee01: also I couldn’t believe that we’re now a couple <3

Hee01: let's play the game again, shall we?

👤 Hee01 is typing . . .

Hee01: kitten, why don’t you try to guess who betrayed you? Name the traitor and if you get it right, then I’ll tell you where your family is! Sounds fair?

W-what?— T-traitor? —

Hee01: still can’t seem to guess even after all the cute investigations you did :(

H-how. . . How— Who did this. . Who fucking betrayed you and EJ?! You bawled in tears, suppressing it by covering you mouth with your hand.

Hee01: don't cry.

Hee01: you look so damn gorgeous when u cry

Hee01: makes me feel like I just wanna take you now

The text was so disgusting to you that you want to puke right now.

sweetpurple17: why..

sweetpurple17: Why are you doing this to me?!! Tell me!

👤 Hee01 is typing. . .

Hee01: why you ask?

Hee01: then you shouldn’t have went and texted me in the first place, kitten.

Hee01: such a pretty dumb little girl.. But my girl :)

How, how, how. Unnie can't be the one who tell him about me! You hissed, shooting your head up to the crowd behind you, looking for any signs of Heeseung but to no avail he was nowhere to be seen, snapping your head back to EJ who was being dragged out by the officers, his hands being handcuffed.

"EJ! Don't do anything, please!" You called out for him but you weren't sure if he heard it as the crowd were getting loud.

He knew. He knew. He fucking knew! EJ was right. He was right, one of them had betrayed us! One of them! Your breathing has gone rough and rapid as you looked around in panic, looking for either of those two. Who did this?!— It can’t be Chaeryeong? But it can’t be Jungwon either!— Who— who was it?!

Another ting snapped you out of your dazed.

Hee01: time’s running

Hee01: go to the nearest carnival and name the traitor.

Hee01: one wrong move and your little family will pay for it :(

Hee01: can I get my kiss as a prize or maybe more if i wish to? :)

You gulped nervously, watching as he typed. Every passing second has you breaking down as the weight of the situation were pressuring you down, as right here, right now, you are all alone.

👤 Hee01 is typing. . .

Hee01: sweet kitten, let’s start the game, shall we? Now, now, who do you think is the traitor sweetheart? :)

-> secondary blog: @llyzblog

-> taglist: @mimikittysblog , @zanyduckkitten , @skuiall , @teugiie (bold ones couldn't be tagged)

#enha #enha imagines #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enha x reader #enhypen oneshots #enhypen scenarios #enha fanfic #lee heeseung #heeseung x reader #heeseung smut #enhypen heeseung

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artichokefunction · 1 month

Text

the agent walks up to the kitchen staffs door, and it holds its wrist up to the ID scanner. it is let inside, no problem. that chip in its organic arm is one of the few actual wireless pieces of tech it has installed onboard, because those chips are easy to write to and easy to erase and are a very non-obtrusive system. can't hack someone through their ID, and those are so easy to fake. you don't really know why they're still in such common use. makes your job easier, you suppose. the kitchen staff work around the agent, and the agent slips through them.

it gets weird looks, they know they're in some danger, but no one ends up hurt. it stresses you out, a little bit, to see your agent around civilians. you dont really know why. or, well, you know what it can do. you don't know what it won't do. it's impossible to test for the absence of an occurrence. that's not the phrase. it's impossible to prove that something will never happen. that's it. no wait, that doesn't sound right either. whatever. you are not afraid of the agent, it is your friend. these random civilians are not it's friends. as far as you know. but it is polite, as far as you can tell, as it moves through the crowded kitchen. you check that it has access to the latest version of your little map of this building, and it does. and then it proves that it does because it goes the long way around and takes the door that leads to the staff hallways, and not the fancy ass dining area. it's following the route it needs to, no issue. tiny issue. it needs to get through two locked doors. issue so small it is microscopic, because all these locks are ID activated. lol. you scrape the biometric data you need from the security network, and update it's chip. and it's let through without issue. no wait. a little warning popup about how one person apparently went through one door twice in one direction. valid concern. you delete the warning. lol. the agent makes it to the room without issue.

inside of the room is a slender young man with short, greasy hair and a jumpy air to him. the agent startles him a lot by just popping up silently in the corner of his office. this is the client, and not the target. your view from the agents visor keeps wandering, because it's a bit bored. the client, Petra, asks you a question, out loud. well, he asks the agent a question, but it's not really listening. you respond via text, same channel that he hired you on.

"So. You're... agent Mandible?"

the codename you're currently using. [yes yes. where is the target? thought there was a job to do.]

you do not need to be this rude, but also it's kinda fun, watching the fear on his face, watching him puzzle the pieces together entirely incorrectly, because he whispers "Ah, so you're a robot..." under his breath in a way he thinks you won't hear. lol? even if one of you was a robot, you would be able to hear that. this guy is a fool. a fool who is paying you to kill his superior. it might actually be his dad, you didn't pry enough to find out. he has composed himself enough to tell you what room the target is in.

"I don't think I need to tell you how to get there, given that you found me just fine." he shuffles his feet, and visibly struggles to maintain eye contact. he feels he needs to be polite, apparently. "You arrived at the perfect time, he should be asleep for the next 15 minutes or so..." he trails off, and then turns to look out a window, hands behind his back, all fuckin formal. the agent is out of there as soon as the talking is over, and you've sent it on the updated map. you check on the targets room remotely. holy shit. the door lock isn't even engaged. he left it open. there are two cameras in his room. one is completely off, he requested that? lol. the other is not off, but it is on standby mode, it should alert and start recording when it detects movement. getting past that specific trick is not brainlessly easy, but it's not impossible either. you just want it to look untampered with. or- wait. it only needs to look untampered for the text ten minutes or so, while no-one's looking too hard, probably. you get it hacked, it's a good enough job. as good as it needs to be. they won't have footage of the incident. now you get to watch the agent do it's part of the job, from its perspective, no less. it takes a moment to consider something. medium of dispatch, maybe? oh, yeah. it gets out its knife. hand over his mouth, blade into his neck, up into the skull. simple and silent. kinda messy and gruesome also. the poor cleaning staff, that is not a cheap carpet. at least that desk seems very blood-proof, with how excessively shiny it is. the agent wipes its knife on the targets sleeve, and then it is out of there, along the new route you've sent it, down the quiet staff hallways but not the same ones as earlier. you leave your cam hack in place, might as well, and you text the client and tell him [it is done.] which is very edgy of you, you admit, but it's appropriate for this job, probably.

hmm. there's something to ponder there, about the aesthetics of death. guns make the process of creating death much more efficient, they're machines, they're optimized. using your own hand weapons takes the degree of separation out of it. you're much closer to the violence you're doing. you, in the general grammatical case, your personal hands are still pretty clean, overall. well, ok, no. degrees of separation, again. you are paid to be the middleman between the person who wants someone dead and the person who does the killing. person is here. you wave it into the truck, and then you drive away, out of this parking lot.

[do you want more hand weapons? i've been mostly focusing on guns, for range and effecacy, but for small jobs like this it might be worth it. maybe? what do you think?]

it makes a small ponderous noise, and looks up to the roof, fidgeting with its fingers, deep in thought.

[i should be able to get my hands on some weapons catalogs for you, plus there's that expo coming up in a few weeks. but with both of those, there's the problem of you being actively sold something. lots of loud flashy words to get you to spend lots of money money money]

it huffs a quiet laugh, and then it pulls its mask down to tap at its jaw. huh? oh, it's referencing the guy who sold you that jaw, and a lot of other very flashy and not strictly nessecary items. you laugh at that.

[oh man, i don't remember how many of them you've met, but i have quite a lot of friends like that. my sincere condolences.]

it throws it's hands up in mock despair, very clearly smiling at the same time. you have a new message, from Petra. [The money has been forwarded to you.] oh damn. immediately after the job? this guy has a lot of trust in his bank security. or he just hasn't thought of what an investigator might look for. family of rich idiots, over there. once the money comes in, you'll move it to your actual account. obfuscatory steps. the agent is messing with a small piece of fabric, folding and unfolding it. it might have snatched that from that last job. that's fair, honestly. small enough to be hard to identify and easy to dispose of it needed, and it looks like it has a good texture to it. you should get it some new fidgety things, once this money comes in. you could get yourself something too, maybe. been a while since you got new clothes, but also you don't like lugging around too much unnessecary stuff. maybe there's a clothes swap event somewhere nearby you could drop in to. how would you find that. you could ask a friend. carmen, they seem like they would know. you should drop into them anyways, say hi. it gets kinda hard to keep up with friends, with the constant travelling. but you do your best, and your friends are cool, they all seem to understand. the agent has just finished typing something out on its communicator.

[bazooka would be funny]

that is SO far from anything you were expecting, you're breathless with laughter.

[say fuck all of you. get explode]

you make a little explosion motion with both hands, one still on the wheel. the agent looks somewhat proud of having gotten you to laugh.

[okay, man, do you have any actual ideas?]

[no. give me some time]

[yeah yeah, no worries. we're in no rush]

#[fiction]#[category: the agent & the handler]#death tw #blood tw #someone dies but hes not terribly important. this is about those gay people again

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medusapelagia · 10 months

Text

17 AU-gust: Fallen Angel

Rating: Teen and up Relationship: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson WT: none WC: 1466

Steve looks at his old profile on the dating app.

FallenAngel92.

Robin chose the name obviously.

He hasn’t opened the app in years, but a few weeks ago Billy broke up with him and now Robin has finally convinced him to open the old app and put himself out there once more.

The break up wasn’t a hard one, after years of relationship something shifted and when Billy was offered a good position in San Francisco he simply couldn’t say no. He even asked Steve to come with him, but Steve couldn’t leave Robin and they decided to break up.

They still text each other stupid memes, but they are no longer together and a few hours ago Billy posted a picture on Instagram where he was kissing another boy.

Which is fine. Totally fine. But made his heart ache a little.

So FallenAngel92 is back, looking at some random pictures, trying to understand from a fake smile and a photoshopped photo if he might like the person behind the nickname.

He looks at the pictures of boys and girls, but he was never good at choosing, he was always the chosen one.

He met Billy in High School, they started as enemies and ended up as one of the few gay couples of Hawkins.

It was hard, Steve’s parents don’t talk to him anymore, but he knows that he would have never had the courage to kiss a boy if Billy hadn’t kissed him first.

And what a kiss it was.

In the lockers, after they won the Championship game.

Well, Billy is far away with another guy and Steve has to try to meet new people. another thing he is not good at.

Even if he is a caring and lovely boy, somehow the first impression he makes on new people is always a bad one. Even Robin, who is like his platonic soulmate, thought that he was nothing more than a bully for months before they became friends.

That’s why she suggested going back to the app, just to make some practice of small talk.

What he is not expecting is to find an inbox after a few minutes of scrolling.

And from MetalDemon, nevertheless! Somehow it feels like a sign.

“Did you hurt yourself when you fell from the sky, FallenAngel?”

Ok. That’s cheesy. But with a nickname like that, he can’t really complain.

“Being a demon, you should know a thing or two about falling, don’t you?”

“Oh, I know a lot of things about falling. I usually fall on my knees for pretty boys like you. Do you really dress like a cute little sailor?”

Shit. He forgot to change his profile picture! It’s an old one for a Halloween party where he dressed in the Schoop Ahoy Uniform he wore at work during his first year of college.

“Well, that was a Halloween party. I usually dress more casually.”

“So no feathers for me?”

Steve snorts “Are you into feathers?”

“I’m into you, big boy. Your profile says that you are in Chicago. I’m here too for a few days and my job is beating my ass. Would you like to meet for a drink?”

He hasn’t had a date in years! He doesn’t know if he is ready for that.

He calls Robin right away, even if he knows she is still working at the pub.

“What’s the emergency? Did the house catch on fire? We have insurance somewhere.” she replies immediately.

“Not that kind of emergency Rob. The kind that someone is asking me out on that stupid app and I don’t know what to say.”

“Is he handsome?”

“I can’t really tell. He is playing in his picture and all I can see it’s the guitar and the hands. He has a lot of rings!”

“Mmmh… Do you feel ready?”

“I don’t know.”

“You know what? Ask him to come to the pub. I’ll be here and if anything goes wrong I’ll save you. No questions asked.”

“You are the best.”

“I know I am, but I’m still on the clock. Talk to you when I get back home! Love you dingus!”

“Love you too!”

“Sorry, a friend of mine called. Would you like to go grab a drink at the Upside Down?”

“Upside Down?”

“It’s a little pub I usually go to. But if you have any other ideas…”

“No, it’s fine, I’m not from here so everywhere is fine for me. Just text me the address and I’ll be there.”

“Ok. How we will recognize one another?”

“Don’t worry about that. I’m sure we will find each other.”

***

Steve is sitting at the bar counter, sipping his second beer and there is no sight of MetalDemon.

He sighs. He shouldn’t be disappointed. He just texted a man he doesn’t know and he didn’t show up. It happens all the time. Still, it hurts.

“One more?” Robin asks, getting closer to him.

Steve looks at the clock, he has been waiting for almost two hours. He should go back home. Tomorrow he has to work.

“No, thanks, I’m fine. Thank you for keeping me company, I’ll see you at home.” Steve leaves some bills near his glass and goes toward the door, only to find himself hitting the floor hard.

“What the fuck!” he complains, holding his elbow.

“I’m so sorry! I was in a rush.” a dark-haired boy says, trying to help him lift from the ground.

He has slender fingers and many rings.

“MetalDemon?” he asks, confused.

“Oh god. It’s you. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry…” but the boy doesn’t have the time to finish his apologies that Robin is between the two of them.

“You let my friend wait for you for two hours! You could have at least texted!”

“I know! I’m so sorry! But it wasn’t my fault. I mean. It was but it wasn’t! I just broke up with my boyfriend and one of my friends decided to set me up with some random guy and when he told me I got angry and I didn't really want to come. But then he told me I was being stupid and selfish, that at least I could have gone and grabbed a beer and I felt bad, and I wanted to come sooner but that stupid groupies will not let me go and…”

“Groupies? What?”

“Oh. I’m the lead singer of the Corroded Coffin. Didn’t Gar tell you that?”

Steve shakes his head, but he knows perfectly well the Corroded Coffin.

“Oh my god. You were at Hawkins High School! You won the battle band and got a contract with a major label.”

“How the fuck do you know?” The black-haired man looks at him confused, and then something clicks “Harrington? Is that you?!”

He nods.

“Oh my god. I’m going to kill Gar. I will. I swear! You are not some fucking random guy!”

Robin stares at them confused, and then she decides “Take a seat, I’ll give you the menu and you will explain to us what the hell is going on.”

Long story short, Eddie confesses that he had a crush on Steve since high school but when he finally resolved to confess his feelings to Steve, Billy beat him and he never got another opportunity.

“I found your profile on that app years ago, but I never dared to text you and then you disappeared again.”

Steve nods, he tried to use the app when he and Billy were having a crisis a few years ago but he never really chatted with anyone.

“Gar was playing with my phone, I suppose he saw you were online and he texted you. I’m so fucking sorry. I will understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore.”

Steve sighs.

His nickname is not random. Robin chose it because it represented Steve. A good guy destined to fail.

He should not be surprised that his first date ended up like this.

“You know what? I think you could be a good influence on our sad little angel. What do you say if you continue this conversation at home? We are closing and I’m dead on my feet.”

“Would you like that?” Eddie asks, shyly, and Steve finds out that he does.

He doesn’t care if this will turn into a relationship or not. Eddie is funny and has so many anecdotes to tell that the times fly and they end up talking till dawn.

When Eddie leaves Steve’s apartment he gives him his personal mobile phone.

“I’ll be back in Chicago in a couple of months. Would you like to go on a date with me? A real one?”

Steve nods, smiling, maybe this FallenAngel was always doomed to fall into a MetalDemon’s arms.

#tumblr fic #myfanfic #steddie #au gust 2023 #fallen angel #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things fanfic #writing challenge #medusapelagia fanfic #medusapelagia #my fanfic

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velvetstreets · 2 years

Note

I had a story idea where jack is in a relationship with the reader biy one night he gets really drunk and sleeps with some girl and he forgets to ask for nda and her phone and she sneaks a picture of him and post on IG and there’s a big scandal going on how he’s a cheater and when he finds out he goes straight to the reader and finds the house empty well her side he knows he fucked up and the reader just disappears no one heard of her or nothing not even the reader parents she was just gone if you wanna add like years later she re appears however ending you want it 🫣

A/N: AHHH FIRST ANGST FIC LETS GOOOO, I hope y’all like 🫶

———————————————————————

You body was stiff. You couldn’t tell what you were feeling - anger, pain, disgust, disappointment. A mixture of all of them really is what you felt as you sat in your shared bed, which was currently empty and alone of your boyfriend’s presence.

“Jack Harlow caught cheating on girlfriend with random girl!” Read the headline. You wanted to cry but the tears were caught in your throat instead. You could ask a million questions as to why, who, how, but it didn’t matter anyways. He still cheated, that was the point. He cared so little about you that he went and had sex with this random girl, instead of coming home to his girlfriend of 3 years. You weren’t gonna wait around to hear shit from him. He wanted to be out all night and not come home, leave no texts or calls, and fuck some random bitch? Then you decided you wouldn’t give him the chance to ever explain himself, or try and charm his way back to your good side.

You got up and started packing your things. Pictures, clothes, shoes, toothbrush, trinkets that commemorated memories with Jack, all of it. By the time you were done, it looked like you have never even entered the apartment before. It looked empty and alone, just how Jack had left you. You opened the door to leave the apartment and looked back at it one last time. You held back a sob, your heart clenching at leaving something you once recognized as home and love, was now just an apartment.

Jack’s POV

Jack woke up in a bed he didn’t recognize, and a girl he didn’t know who was in the process of putting her clothes on. His head was throbbing at any sound and the sunlight that peeked in through the window was excruciatingly bright.

”Morning, baby.” The girl smiled at him.

“Fuck.” He thought.

“Don’t call me that, I don’t even know who you are. This was a mistake, it meant nothing.” Jack glared at her.

“Don’t try and pretend you don’t know who I am now Jack, you were moaning my name all last night.” She smirked at him, putting a heel on.

“Shut up, just leave.” He told her, the guilt eating away at him.

She frowned at him, grabbing her purse and walked out the hotel room. As the door closed behind her, she looked back at it as she waited for the elevator. She looked through her camera roll, selecting one from the previous night with Jack. “Hmm we look cute.” She smiled at the screen before posting it on instagram, with the caption “he came home cause the kids missed him 🥰”. The elevator dinged, and the doors opened as she smiled and walked in, letting the doors shut as chaos was about to arise.

Jack was about to call you when he got a mass income of texts and dms. He opened them, and his heart sank. A picture of him sleeping with his arm wrapped around the girls waist and his head nuzzled her neck as she wore a cheeky smile.

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK! How could I be so fucking stupid, the fucking NDA.” Jack groaned, hitting himself in the head. Not only did he cheat, he didn’t have the decency to keep it on the low before he told you; now it was out everywhere. He couldn’t imagine how embarrassed and angry your must’ve felt.

“Y/N-“ Jack gasped from his silent sobs. He distraughtly grabbed his phone, pressing you contact number several times, letting it ring before hearing your voicemail and then repeating the same actions.

“FUCK!” Jack yelled after several tries, knowing that he couldn’t get through to you because you had now probably seen the headlines. He wiped his face from the tears that had slipped. Jack took a deep breath before grabbing his keys and phone before heading out the door. He jumped in his car, speeding to your shared apartment as he continued to try calling you. Once he pulled up, he jumped out and sprinted to the door, his thoughts all jumbled but ready to work this out with you.

“Baby?” He called out, taking his keys out of the door. The living room looked a little bare, which confused Jack as he continued further into the apartment. He finally made his way to the bedroom and that’s when his heart officially broke. You were gone. All your clothes were gone from the dresser and the closet. Your hair and skin products gone from the bathroom. Pictures, jewelry, perfume, trinkets, any and all signs of you were gone.

“Baby, n-no.. she- it was a m-mistake..” Jack let out a broken sob as he sunk to his knees. It wasn’t until he saw the gold plated “J” necklace he had given you on your 6 month anniversary, that Jack broke down. You never took it off, never went anywhere without it, it was a token of your love - that you were Jack’s and he was yours. And now it sat here on the bed. He knew you were serious, and well within your rights to be. Jack felt he could just talk to you, explain everything, he’d be able to fix it. He called your friends, parents, anyone he knew to figure out where you went. None of them knew, or refused to tell you - which was valid.

“I’m so sorry baby, s-so so sorry, Y/N.” Jack’s voice cracked as his words floated around in the empty apartment.

4 Years Later…

Y/N POV

“Which popsicles do you want, baby?” You said as you turned into the frozen aisle with your cart.

“Orange!!” Your 3 year-old daughter cheered, and you laughed.

“Orange! I thought you wanted Cherry!” You teased her and she stuck her tongue out in response.

“Eeewwww no, mommy.” She said and you smiled at her. You opened the freezer door and grabbed the orange popsicles and tossed them in the cart. You looked down at your list before a voice brought you out of your trance.

“Y-Y/N?” His Kentucky accent shining through as ever. You froze and slowly turned around.

“Jack?” You uttered out in confusion. What the hell was he doing here, and not in KY or Atlanta?

“HIIIIII, my name’s Imani!!!” Your daughter cheerfully waved at Jack.

Jack’s eyes widened as he waved back.

“Is she- is she mi-“ he started to say before you cut him off.

“No.” You said sternly, the hurt still present from his actions from 4 years ago. You hoped he didn’t notice the way her curls were extra curly, the way her dimples dug into her cheeks, and how her laugh was just like his. She was like him in every way, which broke your heart a little to see so much of Jack in her, but she got his best qualities so you were nevertheless so in love with your little creation. You found out you were pregnant a few weeks after everything went down. At first you didn’t know what to do, your emotions all over the place because of Jack, and now the growing baby that was in you. Eventually you decided she was something that you wanted, with or without Jack. Yeah you should’ve told him, but you figured you wouldn’t see him again and it was better for the both of you to be without him.

“Look Jack, it’s good to see you, but we have to go, I’m sorry-“ you stammered, turning to push your cart with your child away from Jack.

“No wait-“ he gently put his hand on your arm.

“Even if she isn’t mine, I’d still treat her like she is. Please y/n, let’s just talk.” Jack pleaded with you.

You looked up at his blue irises that you had secretly missed so much. Tears brimmed your eyes, and you bent your head down, shaking it.

“I can’t. I can’t Jack, I’m sorry. We both did things we shouldn’t have, and defiantly didn’t handle them well. But I’ve moved on, I can’t deal with this now, I’m over it.” You exhaled.

“Shit, I can’t do this right now. I gotta go.” You turned again, turning your attention back to Imani as she had started to open snacks you hadn’t paid for and babbling at Jack even though he wasn’t paying attention - being more preoccupied with you.

You stated to walk away quickly, before he called your name again.

“Please. We don’t have to do this now, but if you ever want to, please just call or text me. Anytime y/n, I’m serious.” He said giving you a piece of paper with a new number on it. You nodded, taking it from him and shoving it in your purse.

His hand lingered on yours for a moment.

“I still love you..” he whispered. You felt the tears rushing to your eyeline again, and decided you had to get out of this, immediately.

“You should’ve thought about that when you were fucking some other girl.” You said harshly, with a twinge of pain at the end. “Goodbye, Jack.” You said before pushing reaching in the cart to pull Imani out and exiting the store, leaving all your un purchased groceries there.

Tears streamed down your face as you made your way to your car.

“Mommy ok?“ Imani softly asked, looking at you.

“Yeah baby, mommy’s okay.” You smiled at her. She leaned in and kissed you and you let out an emotional giggle, not understanding how such a perfect human came from you and Jack. You buckled her in her car seat and got in the drivers seat. You looked at your purse which had Jack’s scribbled number peeking out of it, taunting you. You shook your head as you started the car and pulled out the parking lot, confused about what steps you’d take next, if any at all, with Jack.

————————————————————————

Tag list: @hoodharlow @moody4world @watercolorskyy @lcandothisallday @harlowthot @triplexdoublex @thinkingaboutjharlow @bbyharlow @jackharlows-world @primadxna-girl @curlyhairclub @dessmxsworld @inluvwithladybug @babyharleezy @thysagclub

#anon #jack harlow #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x you #jack harlow blurb

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dxncingwithastrxnger · 2 years

Text

3. what if i’m someone i don’t want around?

A/N: Hey guys!! Look at me, only a month or so between chapters this time!!! I'm really excited to get this chapter out for you guys, it's got a lot of surprises and answers for you guys!! But maybe also more questions, too 🤨😂 I hope you enjoy!! Thank you for patiently waiting for this chapter's arrival!!!

Summary: A look into the life and mind of Steve, where everything isn't exactly as it seems.

Tags: Guys, Imma be honest, this chapter is heavy and dark. Head the tags for the story itself, guys. This chapter is not at all fun. Non-con, physical abuse, violence.

Song Inspiration For Chapter Title: Falling By Harry Styles

Word Count: 3,932

[Series Masterlist]

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7]

Not beta'd, all mistakes are my own.

"How long? How long have you been messin' around with someone else, Steve?"

It just keeps replaying in his head, over and over again.

"Nevermind, don't answer that, I didn't mean to ask it."

He knew that Bucky had meant that literally. His mouth tended to get a little ahead of his brain sometimes, it had always been like that.

"Buck. I'm sorry."

And he meant it. Even if Bucky didn't believe him.

"Really? That's your play?"

He'd forgotten himself for a moment. Let his guard down. So, he closed himself off. He had to play his part, right? He placed that sly smirk on his face, doing everything he could to convince the other man that he had inappropriate intentions. And it worked. He wished it hadn't worked as well as it did. The look on Bucky's face as he turned away stung. It stung a lot. But Steve knew that he had no right to feel that way when he was the one that hurt Bucky. But he couldn't really help it. The whole situation was just full of pain. And there was no way around it, no way at all. A warm, gentle hand placing itself on his chest disturbed his thoughts. The voice that spoke next pulled him out of his head entirely.

"Hey, baby. You okay?" Sam asks him.

Steve places his hand over Sam's and turns his head to look into the other man's deep, brown eyes. "Yeah, Sam. I'm okay."

Sam sighs softly as he sits up, sitting back against the headboard and gesturing for Steve to follow suit. "You're thinking about Bucky again, aren't you? Steve, you don't need to worry about him. He earned all this because of the way he treated you." Sam says as he wraps an arm around Steve, holding him against his side.

Ah, yes. The way he treated me. Steve gives a pitiful strug and looks down, grabbing Sam's left hand and tracing random patterns into his palm. "Bucky and I still just have a lot of history, is all. You know that."

Sam rubs up and down Steve's arm and kisses the top of his head. "Well, that's in the past now. You don't ever have to even think about him again." Sam says matter-of-factly, as if that's all it took to take Bucky from Steve's mind. Oh, Sam. How I wish I could tell you the truth. But he can't.

Steve forces a relaxed smile onto his face and looks up at Sam, pecking his lips softly. "Well then maybe we should think about what to have for breakfast instead." He says as he slips out from under the blankets, placing his bare feet on the ground. He hears Sam chuckle and then stretch as Steve grabs his phone from the bedside table. As he unlocks his phone and pulls down his notification bar, he sees a text message. '9:30am.' The message was sent an hour ago. The current time is 9:32am.

Steve quickly scrambles up and away from the bed. Shit, shit, shit. He grabs his clothes and starts putting them on as quick as he can manage.

"Woah, woah, Steve, what's going on?" Sam questions, giving him a look of confusion and concern.

"Training with Brock, I forgot it was happening today." Steve rushes out as he pulls his shirt over his head. "I'm late."

Sam relaxes and rolls his eyes, getting up and grabbing a pair of sweatpants out of his dresser. "Babe, Brock's just an asshole. You don't actually have to rush to be there on time just cause he's a jerk when you're late." Sam states exasperatedly.

Steve swallows as he grabs his jacket off of the chair in the corner of the room. "Y-yeah, I know that." He grabs his keys, phone, and wallet and walks up to Sam. "But you know I hate being late." He says.

Sam sighs dramatically. "Yes, I know. Doesn't mean I won't miss having you around for breakfast."

"I know." Steve leans in and gives Sam a quick kiss. "But I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"You better!" Sam calls as Steve rushes past him and out of the bedroom, quickly making it to the front door and heading out.

On the drive over to Brock's, Steve can't stay still. Even as he's driving, one of knees is jiggling or his fingers are tapping against the steering wheel. It's a 10 minute drive to Brock's apartment that he shares with Sharon from Sam's house, so him being completely late is inevitable. And Steve knows that Brock is going to do more than just "be a jerk" as Sam put it. But Sam doesn't know that. He doesn't know anything. None of the real things, anyways. There's lies everywhere. Not with Brock, though. Brock knew the truth. But if anything, that makes things much, much worse for Steve, not better.

When Steve gets there, he hurries inside the building and up the stairs, knowing his fate is already sealed. He enters the apartment and closes the door behind him, slipping his jacket off and hanging it on the hook by the door. As he does that, he feels arms wrap around him, and it takes everything in him to stay still rather than pushing the arms away.

"Hey there, Stevie. You're late, baby, did you realize that?" Brock says, his chin resting on Steve's shoulder and a cigarette in his mouth.

"Yes. I-I'm sorry, I didn't wake up until a f-few minutes after 9:30. Then I had to drive over from S-Sam's place and that's like 10 minutes away, s-so..." Steve trails off, taking a shaky breath.

Brock runs his hands up Steve's sides, pushing his shirt up. "All I hear," Brock whispers into Steve's ear after pulling the cigarette out of his mouth. "Is excuses, excuses, excuses." Before he finishes speaking, he does exactly what Steve had been waiting for. Right in the middle of his right side, Steve feels the hot cigarette eating away at his skin. His jaw clenches and he bites down on his tongue harshly, eyes squeezed shut as he huffs out through his nose.

"Ahhh, look at little Stevie. You're getting better at it, aren't you, baby?" Brock chuckles darkly. "But I think you'll still need a few more lessons before you get it exactly right." As the next mark burns into his skin, Steve lets himself fade away into his happy place, just like he has hundreds of times before.

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He thought about Bucky. About that last time they were together before everything changed. It was the morning before Brock arrived in town. Bucky usually had to head to work pretty early, so Steve made sure to wake up with him so that they could always have breakfast together since they wouldn't see each other for most of the day. At the moment, Bucky was showering as Steve got dressed. As Steve pulled his shirt over his head, his eyes caught the paper taped to the wall above his desk. It was a poem. A poem written for him by Bucky. Steve smiled warmly and sat in the desk chair, leaning forward and reading through the words on the page for the millionth time since Bucky had given it to him:

'You come out of the darkness, shining brighter than all of the stars combined

It's because of this, I'm so glad you're mine

No one else gets to experience all the things you do to me

And I wouldn't have it any other way

The good, the bad, and the ugly

I'll sit with you through all of it

I'll never run, I'll never stray

From the moment we met, I knew that I'd stay

You're my home, my resting place

Give me all your love and I'll give you mine

It was when I first saw you

That I first started to believe in the divine

Because it must be true, for there to exist an angel like you

The fact that you love me

Is almost too good to be true

Just the thought of my life ahead

Sets my mind alight and my emotions haywire

Because you, my love, are all I see there'

Steve sighed dreamily, all lovesick and happy. Bucky's the love of his life, his soulmate, and he can't imagine ever being with anyone else. If he ever lost Bucky, whether to death or someone else or just life in general, he wasn't sure he'd be able to survive it. Him and Bucky had been through a lot together and even before they started dating, Steve knew that theirs was an unbreakable bond. He wanted to marry this man and he had every intention to do so.

"Hey there, doll." Bucky said as he placed a hand on Steve's back, pulling Steve out of his daydreaming.

"Hello, my love." Steve said, turning around and beaming at his boyfriend as he stood up and pushed the chair in.

"What's that smile for?" Bucky questions, raising an eyebrow at the blonde-haired man.

Steve grabs Bucky's hands and holds them close to his chest as he stands close to his boyfriend, looking into the bright blue-gray of his eyes. "You just make me happy, that's all. I'm so glad you're mine." Steve said softly, nothing but love and affection in his eyes.

Bucky returns Steve's bright smile, squeezing Steve's hands. "Me too. I love you so much." And then he leaned down and gave Steve a sweet, lingering kiss that made both of them melt and sigh in content.

As they both pulled away, Bucky locked the fingers of one hand with Steve's and led them out of the bedroom. It was Steve's turn to make breakfast, so while he put together cheese omelets and cooked sausage links, Bucky made coffee and poured juice for them, both of them falling into the familiar and comforting routine that they'd kept up for years.

That morning, they'd talked and laughed without a single care in the world, knowing nothing of the disaster headed their way later that same day. If Steve had known then what he does now, he would've convinced Bucky to stay home that day. He would've taken Bucky back to bed and they would've just stayed in their room that day, shutting out the rest of the world, lost in their love for each other. And later that day, when there was a knock at the apartment door, Bucky would be there to see through Brock's lies when Steve couldn't and everything would still be okay. They never would've argued, Steve never would've gone out drinking with Brock, Brock and Bucky never would've gotten into a fight, and Steve never would've realized that even Bucky isn't strong enough to save him.

But all of that did happen, and there's no turning back now. No matter how badly Steve wishes there was.

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When Steve comes back to the present time, he's being slammed against a wall roughly. He winces at the impact, trying to get his breath back as all the air is pushed from his lungs. He feels Brock's breath against the back of his neck and he tries to keep his face neutral, no matter how badly he wants to grimace in fear and disgust. Suddenly, he hears high pitched laughter and the sounds of a third person in the room.

"C'mon, Brock, just fuck the boy already. You know you want to, you're practically panting for it." Sharon says, her voice full of snark and amusement.

Brock laughs. "Oh, shut it. It's called savoring the moment, ever heard of it? Now get me another cigarette. Put yourself to some good use instead of just standing there watching like the little freak you are." Brock orders, voice firm but filled with an undercurrent of the same amusement Sharon had.

It took every ounce of willpower Steve had not to squirm or cringe or make a noise of disgust. If he moves a single itch or makes a single sound right now without being ordered to do so by Brock, things will get 10x worse for him. So he keeps still and silent, wishing he could ignore the little game they're playing.

Steve feels the front of Brock's body press all the way against the back of his own as Sharon leans against Brock, placing a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it for him. Steve can't see any of this, but he can tell by the little hum he can hear from Sharon, the light scratch of Sharon's nails against Brock's stubble, and the click of the lighter, so close to his ear that he half expects to feel the pain of another burn on his skin, but he doesn't.

It's almost like Brock can read his mind, because Steve hears him let out a low laugh. "Don't worry, sweetheart. We need all that precious hair of yours. Otherwise, I can't properly play with you how I want to." To emphasize his point, he suddenly grabs a handful of Steve's hair and pulls the man's head back roughly. Steve's mouth falls open in a silent gasp of pain as his fingernails dig into the drywall in front of him.

Sharon laughs at the show in front of her and suddenly her long fingernails are digging into Steve's shoulder through his t-shirt. Steve clamps his teeth down onto his bottom lip to keep the whimpering sob that comes up his throat from escaping any further. Both of the people behind him snicker as Sharon walks away from them and Steve wishes he was anywhere but here. Anywhere at all. Hell would be easier than this.

"Do you remember the first time we did it like this? You do, don't you, baby?" Brock questions right in his ear, his focus clearly back to the task at hand. Steve does remember. Of course he does. How could he not? It was the worst day of his life. The one he wishes he could redo most of all.

"Yes." Steve speaks quietly, trying his best to keep his voice even. He knew the question wasn't rhetorical and staying silent wouldn't help him any.

Steve can't help his repulsed shudder as Brock practically purrs, taking his hands off of Steve's side and back and trailing them down to other places, removing clothing as Steve tries not to think about what comes next. The attempt is futile. As Steve feels the cold air hit his now exposed skin, his traitorous mind reminds him of that time Brock mentioned, the first time this happened. Not the first time Brock's dick had been inside him. No, that happened so many years ago, during the first time they had dated. And that first time had happened with Steve's full consent, unlike now. Unlike that night. As Brock grips Steve's hips tightly, Steve finds himself somewhere else. When Brock pushes him forward and pins him to the wall entirely, forcing Steve's head to turn to the side, it's like he can feel the scrape of the brick on his cheek all over again.

"I'm fine, Bucky, I promise. I was drunk and I slipped and fell, that's all. I already cleaned it up and everything." Steve had told his boyfriend the next morning. And Bucky had believed him. Of course he did. Why wouldn't he? But that's not what had happened. Not at all. That night when Steve went out drinking with Brock, that's when Brock had struck, like a predator lying in wait, waiting for the exact right moment. They had left the bar after Brock had gotten back from wherever he was. He told Steve that he was gonna take him home. There's nothing else he could've been doing anyways, right? They stopped at an alleyway two buildings away from the bar. Brock said he needed to take a leak. So, Steve stood there waiting for him, looking out at the street with blurry vision and swimming thoughts, his shoulder leaning against the brick wall of the building beside him. That was his next mistake of many that night. Keeping his back turned away from the man with him. Suddenly, he found himself pushed roughly up against that wall, pinned down.

"What the fuck, Brock? Get off of me!" Steve had slurred. Brock just laughed, the sound coming closer as the black-haired man pushed himself all the way against him. Steve's blood ran cold as he felt the hardness between Brock's legs push against him, the color draining from his face. The way he started to struggle is so different to the absolute stillness of his present self in the same situation. Then the other man is grabbing hold of the back of his jacket and pulling him backward only to slam him forward again, Steve's head bouncing off of the wall as black spots appear in his already clouded vision. But he didn't pass out. No, the universe wasn't kind enough to give him that luxury. Instead, he has to be awake to feel every single stretch and burn and scratch and bruise. Every painful, pounding thrust as Brock takes what isn't his.

For an indefinite amount of time, Steve fades away, his past and present blurring together until he doesn't know where he actually is anymore. Hot, stinging tears stream down his face, his past self's choked sobs and cries a stark contrast to his present self's resigned silence. After awhile, he starts seeing it all from a third person perspective. An out of body experience, watching his own eyes dull more and more with every push of the other man inside of him against the starry night backdrop of a memory as well as a hollow shell of himself staying still and letting himself be played with like some doll against the white wall backdrop of his current reality. Eventually, Steve just goes numb to it all. He's sure that's not exactly a good thing, but it's his only solace in this neverending cycle of pain, so he doesn't really care.

When he finally comes to again, he finds himself slumped against the wall, his legs shaking and barely keeping him upright, the feel of a lukewarm liquid dripping down his leg that he really doesn't want to think about. He can feel the tear tracts drying on his face and his nose is a bit runny.

"Get up, little Steve, time to go!" He hears Sharon say, the cheeriness in her voice teasing in the cruel kind of way. "We have guests coming over soon and Brock wants you out of here before they arrive. You know he'd love to keep you around a little longer, but business is business as they say. I'm sure you understand. Tell Sam "Hi" for me, yeah?" She giggles, all mocking and saccharine.

Steve can hear the sound of the shower from further in the apartment, which explains why Brock isn't telling Steve any of this himself. He sniffles as he pushes himself up to the best of his ability with arms just as shaky as his legs. He quickly pulls up his underwear and pants, not even bothering to give Sharon a response. Brock, he has to reply to. His little minion, he does not. He rushes out the door without a second thought, closing the door quietly behind him.

He makes it to his car as fast as he can and leaves, knowing his destination right away. But it isn't Sam he's headed to. No, Steve needs to talk to someone else. Someone who knows the full truth. The only one who knows everything besides Steve, Brock, and all of Brock's little friends. He steps on the gas and starts the almost 2-hour drive.

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By a little past 3pm, Steve arrives at the secluded two-story house surrounded by woods, parking around back with the other cars. He gets out and locks his car, stretching and wincing in the process. He walks around the house to the front door, knocking a few times. After a moment, the door opens and Steve smiles warmly at the older woman.

"Steve, hello!" She greets him, blowing a strand of her black hair out of her face, hands on her hips. "What brings you here?" She asks.

Steve chuckles softly. "Just stopping by for a chat. Is Natasha here by any chance?" He asks politely.

"Yes! Да! Of course!" She exclaims, stepping aside to let him in. "Every Sunday and Monday! But you know that, you're here with her half the time."

Steve grins, stepping across the threshold. "That's true, that's true. I just wanted to make sure. Thank you, Melina. You're always so kind." He smiles softly at her as she closes the door behind him and locks it.

"You don't need to thank me, Steve. You know you're always welcome, whether Natasha is here or not." She tells him, patting his shoulder gently. "Now, go, go. Natasha's in the kitchen. I have more work to do down in the basement. Help yourself to whatever, make yourself at home, you know the drill." She tells him, ushering him in the direction of the kitchen before walking off to the basement, where she does her work. Steve shakes his head fondly as he heads to the kitchen in search of Nat.

He steps into the kitchen doorway and knocks lightly on the doorframe with one knuckle. When Nat turns to him, he tries to give her a smile, but with just the two of them there, he can't help but let all the barely there warmth he had with Melina slip away. His small smile falters and he lets it drop immediately, his shoulders slumping.

Nat comes over to him immediately. "Oh, Steve. Tell me what happened now." She says softly, looking at him with concern and worry, just a small hint of anger in her eyes that Steve knew wasn't directed at him.

"It was so bad, Nat." Steve tells her, tears he didn't know he was still capable of producing springing to his eyes.

She goes to place a hand on his shoulder but she pulls back again when he winces, her eyes hardening. "Come on. Let's go to the bathroom and get you cleaned up while we talk about it." She says, grabbing his arm gently and tugging him away from the kitchen and towards the bathroom. Steve follows her without question, feeling relief and appreciation swell in his chest. At least I still have Natasha, he thinks gratefully. At least she's still on my side.

A/N: Tada!!! Poor Steve :(( He's going through a really tough time right now and both of our boys are just sad. But I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!!! All feedback is appreciated, lemme know what you think!!! Also, just in case any of you are interested, I'm going to be posting a lil' spinoff story from this one, but it's going to focus on Yelena and Wanda!! It's not a required read to anyone who just wants to follow the Steve and Bucky side of things and vice versa!! But it all exists in the same universe and you might get lil' hints of other characters and relationships and whatnot as the story progresses. So if any of you are interested, then keep an eye out!! I'm not entirely sure when I'll be able to get it out, tbh, but I'm hoping sometime in the next month or two at the most, depending on how things go. Anyways, love y'all 💜

Taglist 💙:

@smackmyassseb

If anyone would like to added to the taglist for this story, just lemme know!!

#stucky #stucky au #stucky fanfic #stucky fanfiction #stucky angst #angst #marvel #steve rogers #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x steve rogers #steve rogers x bucky barnes #bucky x steve #steve x bucky #purple_strxnger #purple_strxnger_stories

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 2 years

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im family friends with these neighbours of mine, and they have a 16 y/o kid. recently he told me he got drunk twice. my family history with alcohol is pretty ass, and im downplaying it here. veyr close relatives of mine have struggled with addiction to it, so i told him i couldnt be friends with him if he did it again. and the truth is i cant. he got into a very minor accident with his scooter, so to distract himself from that he decided to meet up with his friends to get drunk. i was texting him after the accident and he had said he needed to be distracted. i guess this was the distraction he talked about. later i asked him if htats why he went to meet up in the first place, he said yes. and idk wiyllt, im so disappointed. im so so sad right now. im not saying that he's going to turn into an alcoholic or whatever but god ive seen this too many times before and im so scared. and the fact that he chose to specifically meet up, just to drink, makes me so mad. it makes me so angry. is feeling all of this valid? what do i do if it happens again? any suggestions?

Have you spoken to him about your stance on alcohol and why you feel the way you do about it?

Communication, as always, is key to maintaining healthy relationships.

Considering he's 16, it's unlikely he's going to listen to anyone that he perceives is trying to restrict his independence. Pretty sure some of the choices I made when I was 16 were questionable at best lol and I didn't listen to anybody XD Have a discussion about it if you're feeling up to it. Is there a particular reason that he has chosen alcohol as his distraction of choice? Offer other suggestions of things to do with his friends to de-stress that aren't drinking (go to the movies? gaming? start a band, make a mixtape, go viral, get rich? idk bro). Drinking alcohol is something a lot of people do and there's a certain culture surrounding it depending on who is involved. I don't think it's necessarily bad or good; it depends on the context.

(although I do worry about Hoseok seeing the answer to life, the universe, everything when he's drunk, I swear he's in a different dimension after a couple drinks o_o)

How you feel is how you feel. You've seen the bad side and it's understandable you don't want it to happen to people you care about. I believe people should pick and choose who they want to be around. That doesn't necessarily mean that the people you didn't choose are bad people. It means their energy isn't what you need right now. If you're cool with continuing this friendship but you want him to not talk about drinking, then let him know. If you can't be around him due to this specific behavior, that doesn't mean he's a terrible person. It just means you don't want to be around this vibe and that's okay.

My advice to him, if he wants to continue drinking, is to do so when he's in a good mood. Turning to alcohol after a stressor (in this case, the scooter accident) is creating an environment to develop an association / habit. If every time he feels shitty, he gets drunk, it can turn drinking into an unhealthy coping mechanism. It's better to set up a positive precedence when it comes to alcohol so it doesn't have a negative impact on him later in life.

If you wanna have a good time, get super drunk, throw up in your neighbor's flowers, call some random chick you met on the internet to tell her you just threw up in your neighbor's flowers, and eat peanut butter from the jar as you're talking to her about your drunk-ass night... then wiyllt is gonna tell some internet strangers years later because that shit was funny as fuck. XD I don't have anything against drinking in moderation, nor any judgement towards those who want to get blackout drunk once in a while (make sure to have a sober buddy and be safe). Probably shit for your liver, but it's your liver, so yolo? Live fast, die young? lol

As long as you're not hurting anybody, live how you want.

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fallingintolove · 2 years

Text

8th April 2022

it has been two months since our first date. it still feels like yesterday though. it is very funny to remember us being very shy around each other. i want to write about every moment of that evening. i don’t want to forget about any little thing, of our first date. the small nuances of when i first saw you, of how my heart reacted when i saw your face after three years; how you captured my hand in yours, slowly, like a a delicate flower being plucked in the early mornings; of how your eyes followed me every time my face got flushed and i avoided your eyes. i want to remember all of this like the back of my hand.

i reached early at the mall; as always the early bird. your text got to me the moment i was walking towards the entrance of the mall. that youll be late. and my overthinking started right at that moment. oh shit he’s going to ditch me; oh shit all of this was a prank. but when your 5 texts of sorries pinged my phone simultaeneosly, i thought maybe not; lets stop overthinking.

our first date was at a bookstore, at my insistence. entering the bookstore calmed me down, but not enough so i started browsing the shelves of classics and found some kakfa. i tried to read but my mind was on you. every footstep i heard, my head turned around and observed whether the feet matched the face of the boy i last saw during boards exams. finally, after waiting for around 15 minutes and trying my hardest to get into reading the precious kafka; i saw you. you were wearing a white print shirt with some leaves on it. you were coming towards me when you saw me, i raised my hand to wave at you, and you did the same. you removed the mask and all i could do was look at you for a second. last i had seen you, you looked different, younger in a child like way. you used wear glasses back then, you didnt wear them that day. i remember i told you you look different, and you’d said something along the lines of how its been years since we last saw each other. after a beat, i remember you said that you’d thought i was shorter, but i laughed and said i was wearing heels. we talked about what i was reading and you asked me what the book was about. and while i was telling you the basic plot of how kafka personified the essence of losing himself with the help of an insect; i felt your hand hold mine. it wound tight, i could feel your eyes on mine, but i was shy, i just looked down and squeezed your hand back. we roamed the bookstore, you asked me what i expected you to read. that question filled my heart, the mere thought of you caring about what i thought you should read made me feel warm. i decided to buy metamorphosis by franz kafka, as we were going towards the counter, you offered to pay for the book. i don’t know why but somebody buying, or doing something for me always makes me flushed. because why are you doing that for me?

when we talked to your sister later, you said something like the mask mandate is lifted no? i got the hint. i was still wearing the mask. you wanted to see me. so i laughed, and removed my mask; and yes, avoided your eyes. but in my peripheral vision, i could see your gaze linger on me for a few seconds longer.

we went to this all you could get store after the bookstore to hang around. we roamed the aisles and talked about complete random stuff. we held hand in aisles where no one was present. it was addicting, holding your hand; connecting myself to you. peak romantic moment of my life till then, holding your hand.

we took a roundabout towards the food court after that. while we were deciding what to eat or drink, i came to know about your lactose intolerance. i added that fact in my brain where all the things about you are treasured, cherished, remembered. we decided to just drink juice, too nervous to eat anything. you wanted litchi juice but it wasnt available so you settled for your favorite; pineapple. during the entirety of time in the foodcourt, it was kind of awkward to carry conversations, not because we didnt know what to say; but because we were both shy. i stole some glances at you in the middle of the conversation you were having with your sister, i was liking you better every second. i could feel you looking at me too. it was cute.

but soon, i had to go, the date had to end. so we walked down together and as the impending realisation of not knowing when we,ll be able to meet again came into my brain and i suddenly got a little brave; and held your hand. when we reached my vehicle, we stood around for ten more minutes, chit chatting about the littlest of things; both clearly not wanting the night to end. so i became braver for the second time that night, and hugged you. it wasnt a full hug, it was a side hug that my shy self dared to do. after we pulled apart though, i realised i hadnt wanted the hug to end, because honestly, i felt safe in your arms.

but then i had to go. so i went home, taking the memories of the perfect first date back with me.

#firstdate #roman #romantic #love #lovestories #loveblogs #couples #datenight #bookstoredate #darkacademia

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ralucasalmostgone · 1 month

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which gets me to my next point

who were the other three main male lecturers? and what did they actually do?

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well, not much, that's what I'm saying... 🙄

this isn't Harvard, people!

---

so there was a chilidish one who almost gave the other two away - he noticed me too but not that much was he uniquely obsessed with my physical apperance! I was perceptive in a sort of - I have access to people's eyesight in a sense - so in his mind, see, he hadn't formed enough patterns for physical apperance that are diverse so he didn't calculate the symmetry of the face same as someone who had seen enough faces (probably a shut-in) same thing happened to local young people who didn't see enough faces - so he was pretty chill in that sense - more oblivious of my apperance; I think he gave me the highest mark for an essay I wrote 30 minutes before the deadline (+ references) and I was like doubting his intelligence at that point cause like, I was totally winging it...Like, I have no clue what I wrote honestly 😂

the other two saw my apperance from the beginning and this one had in mind more like exploitation of it cause of the photography thing he was doing. I think he had in mind some prospectus thing, like, you know how Andreea is like the face of her Uni stuff all the time; yeah, he was kinda circling me with intentions like that 24/7; he just really, really wanted attention; but I wanted to see what type of teacher he is; first of all he was totally irresponsible but he thought highly of himself anyway...so I do this random mesh mess and submit it anyway; and he's all like: I'll pass you! from the goodness of my heart! And I'm just like: oh, not one of these! 🙄 He basically let me slide, mistakes and all...even though I submitted the shittiest thing imaginable! I hated this teaching style...I mean, I'm used to OBJECTIVE teaching - for the last time: whatever is good deserves a high mark, whatever is bad - a bad mark. NO! I wasn't gonna get this here, either! I haven't received any objective studying tools and grades and marks for whole years in a row! This environment wasn't gonna provide what I need either! So...I think I just stop attending his lectures all together, like who gives a shit? I think he cares way too much about this too at that point to tell you the truth! 🙄 Like, a lot! Like I'm pretty sure he made it his life goal to understand WHY NOBODY LIKES HIM BOO HOO! 🙄 (to talk to him more) Perception-wise, he has this thing where he's hopeful things are gonna change, right? Soon as he gets the smallest sign of me talking to him politely, he thinks NOW something is gonna start between us: like an actual dialogue and communication! And I'm just like..."bye Felicia!" 🙄 Anyway...later on and later in the years when I don't really have him as a lecturer and I'm just like talking to the other students quite a lot, I think he had the nerve to nudge me...he'd say it was a mistake, but I think he violently pushed me a little, as though to say: I know what you're doing: you're ignoring me intentionally! (or something) Pardon my doubt, but I don't think that was a mistake! 🙄 How about: I don't give a shit about you? Your royal highness, again, much? 🙄 Still don't...

now this last one, you've probably noticed he's very strange behaviour-wise; yeah...this one was like kinda hit with what looks like limerence from the beginning; so I'm just like in the first lecture with him and one of the students sitting next to me is reading my texts in the native language and he's Romanian too so he totally captured my attention with his snooping around. his personality was great though - he wasn't awkward at all. the same can't be said about this lecturer you see... Now, perception-wise, he was saying weird stuff from day 1, that I'd want to see him or if people wanna ask him private questions - shit like that - he's available. And you know me by now: I don't give a shit about others - even if I can perceive everyone oh so clearly, to the point where most people were annoyed with me at that age if I said anything about what they're really doing. Most people too at that age were only interested in my apperance anyway, so I would mess with them (regardless of who they were) by agreeing on the surface with them that things are exactly as their beastial perception tells them so (of course I didn't know you could call it that then). BUT I never did what I was expected that way: I thought it would reveal the intentions of others around, if I pretended to agree on the surface that things are exactly as they expect them to be! So in the case of limerence (so what this lecturer had), the limerent individuals puts their limerent object on a pedestal and then takes them down (taking turns when it comes to this behaviour). This lecturer was a narcissist and when he didn't receive attention from day 1, he fell really badly in this cycle of madness that limerence represents: he really wanted to see me in a bad light on repeat but his...infatuation didn't let him at times, which was frustrating for someone who just wanted to see only himself in a good light (narcissists don't love people but they wanna be associated with them - and this lecturer in particular likes to be associated with the right individuals...sometimes the right thing isn't just a wikipedia page, it's also the right physical apperance!) And he fell badly into this high state in the beginning (the potential for a normal dynamic) - but with my usual apathetic, disinterested style of being - for being oh so knowing, but not very human emotionally-speaking or a narcissist - as you can tell from my other behaviour towards the other lecturers, I quickly just like, didn't give a shit; Which kinda hurt his little feelings. And then he was just depressed and probably coming up with self-defeatist thoughts about the meaningless of everything and so on and so forth. That's depression for you 🙄 And then some time later, I grow a little guilty so like I told you before, I drop by in his office to check up on his mental state (he won't even look at me btw, he has a tendency to hide his ugly face and shit. aww "poor him" 🙄 he must have lost a limb or something! really? depression is for people who haven't learned to do more thinking and read more books, honestly! 🙄) But then, I wasn't so direct about my opinions on that mental condition so instead I was all like empathetic..."hey [dude] I like you...[don't worry about it]" At that point he lost it in a state of euphoria without any control over his emotions...So I thought that was odd at the time (I had seen this before) 🤨. But I didn't quite see the source of this pattern before... And then afterwards, he went back to being a judgemental narcissist where I'm the bad guy for sure blah blah

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kausstar · 1 year

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ᯓ ✶ LOVE LANGUAGE ◞ peter sutherland.

female reader. no description of reader. kissing. swearing because that’s how i show my excitement. me willing to give my whole life for this man <33.

ACTS OF SERVICE !

let’s start strong and very fucking on point.

he’s such a amazing boyfriend sometimes it makes you wanna cry.

holds the door for you everywhere you go. sometimes he even jogs a little to get to the door before you.

even if your hands are full or not— and they never will be because he’s willing to hold EVERYTHING for you.

OMG! when i say everything i when everything! you don’t want to carry your purse anymore? he can hold it. he’s soooo sweet!

if you do try to open a door, he’s most definitely pouting about it later but he’ll let you have it.

also he pulls out your chair for you.

is the type to take off his shoes so then you can have them if you’re feet are hurting in heels.

is it raining and you don’t have the right jacket? he’s giving you his. no questions asked. he doesn’t want you to get a cold.

makes breakfast in bed for you. even though you keep telling him he needs to be asleep. he just doesn’t listen.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION !

please don’t let me get start on this man and his beautiful words.

in his eyes you can do no wrong. like ever. and if you ever think otherwise he’s saying the sweetest things to you.

peter will never be shy about his words to you.

if it has anything to do with you and absolutely praising your whole existence he’s going to say it.

leaves you the cutes notes if you’ve taken a nap with him and he has to go to work and he knows he’s not getting you up anything soon.

randomly sends you texts about how work is going and always asks you what you’re doing.

calls to check on you when he’s in the basement.

i can just imagine him calling you when he’s walking to farr’s office and he’s like “just called to ask what you were doing.” you will only be able to laugh. “peter, you just left.”

QUALITY TIME !

loves going shopping with you! omg! he fucking loves it and he will admit it.

he just loves to see that cute little smile on your face when you see something you like. makes his heart arch.

he also likes going grocery shopping with you. that’s really just to spend good time with you.

loves brushing his teeth in the morning with you. he isn’t sure why but just loves talking to you when you’re half asleep.

is willing to go anywhere with you. and when he finally gets a week or two off? man just know y’all are flying somewhere.

maybe even a good old road trip of you’re down.

i feel like he’ll love going places where there’s a beach. he’s definitely either in the water playing catch with some random kids or man.

OR he’s taking pictures of you. staring at you. telling you how good you look in the sun and in that bathing suit.

calls you when he’s completely bored and lonely in the basement, and he just can’t help but think of you.

“don’t you have to be listening for the phone to ring?” you would tease and he would practically hear the grin on your face. ”yes, but they can wait,” he chuckled, waving the phone off with his hand. the two of you only laughed.

RANDOM SHIT I THOUGHT ABOUT !

your friends most definitely love him. they are forced!

they kinda hate that they like him so much.

peter doesn’t care too much for himself most of the time so you have to look out for him when he isn’t.

if you’re the type where you love being up all night and watching movie. peter is your guy!

when he’s off he’s most definitely watching movies with you or sleeping on your lap.

that just got me thinking of sleeping positions.

and he most definitely lays his head on your chest like a big baby. his arms are wrapped around you and all that.

you’re little spoon! yes, he may be a baby but this makes him feel like he’s protecting you so you’re little spoon.

off topic but he most definitely kisses you on your shoulder and face in the mornings to wake you up.

 2023 kausstar.

#⠀ ݁ ੭୧ ᳝ ࣪ ᭡ .ᐟ ⠀#𓂃⊹ the night agent.#+ seen someone talk about his love languages sooo here we are 😌.#peter sutherland x reader #peter sutherland x yn #peter sutherland #the night agent x reader #the night agent #the night agent imagines #x reader #x female reader

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whirlybirbs · 3 years

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( another gif by @unearthlydust from this beautiful set ! )

✪ — VACANT MIRRORS ; B.B. | 3/?

summary: you find out about bucky’s past, he finds out about yours.

pairing: bucky barnes / f!reader

tags: set before & during tfatws, friends to lovers, therapy positive, trauma healing techniques, ptsd mentions, the normalization of anxiety disorders, and a good ol’ slow burn

word count: 6.4k, va va voom

a/n: oh look out here comes the plot, charactization, and growth between to pals who are maybe starting to feel a little something begin to take shape. but ignore that, there’s danger afoot. no spoilers for tfatws here!

( PREVIOUS | AO3 | MASTERLIST | NEXT )

“You know I have to ask these questions. It’s part of the check-in.”

“Yeah,” you fire back, flat enough to warrant Dr. Hart’s scowl to grow. You can’t see it over the phone, but you know the way her words whip around you means she’s upset, “I know.”

“If you’re not following the action plan set out by the judge,” she begins, leaning forward as her tone drops into a scalding hot sort of seriousness on the other end, “You will go to prison. You know this. So, do you want to spend ten years of your life behind bars? Are you trying to get yourself locked up? Come on.”

You can’t look up from your computer’s screen. Or maybe you can, but right now, there’s a dangerous mixture of anger and guilt and frustration boiling under your skin.

“I’m trying.”

“Trying isn’t good enough for the GRC,” Dr. Hart snaps, “You know this. They’re giving you a chance — they know you’re talented. You have the ability here to go straight, to earn a living, to finally make up for those years of blackhat work.”

“Everything I did,” you fire back, ripping your eyes up to meet Dr. Hart’s, “Was for others. I didn’t get a fucking penny.”

“You’re not Robin Hood,” she shakes her head as her tone softens, “We all make mistakes. But, everything has a consequence. You know this. And this conversation isn’t even considering the other charges.”

“You know the extortion case would never hold up in court.”

Dr. Hart sighs raggedly. “And I don’t intend on ever seeing it play out in court, because you’re going to follow the conditions of your pardon.”

“The GRC is a bunch of fascists—”

“Enough,” she snaps, “If you want to go and appeal your case with the judge, be my guest, but I can almost guarantee you’ll be perp-walked out of that Federal courtroom in cuffs.”

She’s right.

Dr. Hart is right.

Your knee is bouncing, up and down and up and down. You’re wound up around yourself, arms crossed tight, brows knotted. With a shaky exhale, you just nod. You breathe, and you remind yourself that she’s right. She’s right, she’s right, she’s right. It’s not worth it. Dipping yourself back into that world, the layer of the web beneath the surface, isn’t worth it.

The GRC is your way out.

Just be a good little girl and do as you're told.

“So, I’m going to ask you again,” Dr. Hart begins, pen clicking alive on the other end of the phone call, “...Have you engaged in any illegal activities online in the last seven days?”

◦ ◦ ◦ ◦

Inessa Sidrova’s photo stares up at him from its place on the speckled marble counter, stacked neatly next to his notebook where her name is scrawled in chicken scratch — between two other names: Zemo and Henrikson.

His laptop, technically on loan from the FBI, sits beside both.

(When Barnes had agreed in that closed doors meeting to the conditions of his pardon, a certain FBI agent by the name of Jimmy Woo had been rather insistent that Barnes needed a personal computer in order to carry out his portion of the conditions insofar as tracking down the remaining HYDRA pawns in the States. Woo had also insisted, to the agreement of Dr. Raynor, that a personal computer would help better acclimate Barnes to the new world he’d been dropped into.

Woo was even nice enough to take an hour of his own time to show Bucky enough to get started — but was whisked away for some investigation out in New Jersey.)

Bucky rubs the cold vibranium of his left palm into his eye, then exhales long and slow.

He’s done all he can. And still, no leads on the woman.

Rounding the kitchen island, he digs his cell from his pocket. He goes back to staring at that text — the one he’d laughed out loud at the moment it lit up his phone — and he can feel that ol’ bite of anxiousness creep into his arms. His fingertips tingle.

On the television, a laugh track plays over a clip of The Three Stooges. Blue eyes flick upward, and he partially wishes a ladder would put him out of his own self-induced misery.

Outside, the antics of a Saturday night in Brooklyn roll on.

In the last few days he’s parsed through his thoughts enough to realize it’s not telling you that scares him — no, it’s telling you the truth. The whole truth. All of it. After all, the good comes with a lot of bad; the sort of bad you chain in a chest and sink in the ocean. And Bucky finds that, even still, the good is questionable at best. The good is… small. Microscopic. Completely and totally tainted by the fuckin’ decades of brainwashed, war dog bullshit.

He groans and drops his head back against the wall.

He tries, for the next twenty minutes, to formulate some sort of reply to your text message. But, half the battle is figuring out what to say, and the other half is actually typing it out. This whole flip phone purchase was really starting to sting like regret — and as much as Bucky loved technology back before the war, and all the magical possibilities it held, he can’t help but feel like an ornery old man now.

It’s the change. Steve was right. Too much change.

He can’t find the space button and he can’t figure out how to delete the random 3 he’d accidentally punched in — so, with a grumpy huff of disapproval, Bucky simply dials your number.

You pick up on the third ring.

“Don’t you know it’s Saturday?” your voice is a welcomed sound, “The History Channel is running a bunch of old war documentaries you might enjoy, grandpa.”

Bucky snorts, fiddling with the hem of his hoodie. “What makes you think I’d wanna watch that shit?”

“Everyone knows that old men like two things,” your voice is light, half-distracted from the sounds of it, “World War Two, or grilling. And honestly, you don’t strike me as the grilling type.”

“I like a good burger.”

“Yeah?” you snort, and Bucky can hear you shift your phone from one ear to the other, “Is that why you called? To hint at being hungry?”

“No,” he exhales, looking out the window, “No, I was trying to reply to your text but I can’t find the fuckin’ space button. Calling is easier.”

“Oh my god—”

“Shut up,” he barks with a laugh, sitting up, “Don’t even start — are you hungry?”

“Almost always, why?”

“Got any plans tonight?”

“... You do know who you’re asking, right?”

Bucky grins, a little boyish and a little tired. “Good point. Loser.”

“Oh, shut up. You’re the one calling me to hangout,” you snort, leaning to prop your feet up on your desk and lean back. Your chair wheels backwards, far enough for you to get a good look down the street. It’s a nice night, cool enough, and it seems like the whole borough is awake, “But, I’m only hanging out if you tell me what the fuck is up with court mandated therapy. I can’t wait another three days.”

Your anxiety has been pricked the last few days over it.

“... Do I get to pick the place?”

You roll your eyes. “Fine.”

“Great,” he exhales tightly, “I hope you’re in the mood for sushi.”

◦ ◦ ◦ ◦

Izzy’s is busy, but there’s privacy in the bustle.

Bucky had buzzed your apartment’s ringer and you’d flown down the stairs, looking… alive. The sort of alive that was new — like a fresh bud beginning to bloom in spring. It had made him grin, and he’d watched you push a tress of hair behind your ear as you decided it was warm enough for no jacket tonight. The light of the crosswalk sign lit you up like a star.

He was sweating.

Dr. Raynor was right — that was it, of course it was — that it was getting too warm for his usual outfit. So, he’d settled on the next best thing: a sweatshirt that was big enough and black enough that he could bury himself in it. His hands are tucked neatly into the pockets.

No gloves tonight.

He feels naked.

He shoulders the door and holds it open with the toe of his boot as you duck towards the back of the restaurant. There’s a booth in the back by a large bamboo plant — you weave through the place with a new found confidence. There’s anxiousness in your shoulders but it melts when you look back at Bucky. Like a watchful guard dog, he nods.

You settle into the booth, toss your jacket in the corner, and smirk.

“I get out sometimes,” Bucky remarks before you can even say anything. He shifts in the booth and reaches up to scratch his cheek with his right hand, “Not often, but I do.”

“I didn’t say anything...”

“You were going to,” he nearly smirks back, his brows raised as he adjusts the chopsticks on the table, “I know that look.”

You snort, nudging his boot under the table. That works a huffed little laugh out the man across from you. Almost immediately you can sense anxiousness rolling off him — it’s the tightness in his mouth that gives him away, the way he’s fussing with the soy sauce dish and trying to get it to line up perfectly with the marbling on the table. Worry flashes in your eyes.

“Bucky.”

He raises his head.

“You alright?” you ask quietly.

“You have to promise not to flip out.”

Your brows knot tightly — but before you can even question what the fuck he means, he’s casually dropping his other hand onto the table.

And you almost don’t notice at first. Your brain fills the gaps in, figuring it’s his glove. But, then you blink and his hand catches the light and you realize it’s not leather. It’s glittering obsidian, garnished with gold, and it’s moving. Flexing. Seams bending and warping and there’s a gentle hum coming from the appendages and you squint because he’s tapping his fingers on the table and there’s a metallic tik-tik-tik that meets your ears.

Then, your eyes jump to his face.

He looks pained.

You’re confused.

And then you’re not.

“You’re —”

You slap a hand over your own mouth. You have to promise not to flip out. Your eyes are eighty miles wide and your jaw is falling open and you’re leaning forward, whispering in a rushed tone because what the fuck.

“You’re that Bucky?!”

Oh, you feel stupid.

The hostess appears, suddenly. You snap backwards in the booth, Bucky tucks his hand away, and you both muster forced smiles to the waitress. She’s young. Pretty. Her name-tag says Sarah.

She asks about drinks.

Bucky gets a beer.

Slowly, you knock your knuckles against the table and drop your head into your hand. The look on your face is exhausted. “Do you guys have Mai Tais?”

The answer is yes. And you’re glad. Because you’re going to fucking need it.

The two of you are quiet until the drinks come — avoiding one anothers gazes for completely different reasons. Bucky is sheepish, a bit mortified, like he always is when people recognize him. It’s why he shaved his fuckin’ head. It worked well enough but… the arm was usually a dead giveaway.

Meanwhile, you’re wondering if you could shave your own head and disappear. Because there’s no easy way to explain the weird elation swirling in your chest right now.

Bucky’s first to speak. His beer is in his good hand. He inhales quickly, eyes darting to you as he leans forward and whispers incredulously. He speaks quickly and his words are pointed with an edge of curiosity.

“...What do you mean ‘that Bucky’?”

“Y’know, I knew there was a reason you acted like you needed a senior citizen discount. And you know exactly what I mean,” you rush out all while waving your Mai Tai and jabbing the side with the umbrella towards him, “Listen, this is a lot to take in, Mr. Avenger.”

“I am not an Avenger—”

“You helped reverse the Snap. You’re the Winter Soldier. That makes you an Avenger—”

Bucky’s shaking his head, eye screwed shut tightly because the sudden equation to his past self being considered a hero is like being socked in the mouth. He stutters over his words and shakes his head more vigorously, like he’s trying not to hear what you’re saying.

“I am not the Winter Soldier. Not anymore. And it’s not like I’m not on the fuckin’ roster, doll—”

You hold a finger up, stopping him there, and take a long sip of your sunset colored drink. You swallow. You exhale. Bucky swigs his beer.

“One, don’t call me doll,” you say curtly, then raise a second finger. You lean in and squint, “Two… Christ, the haircut really makes a big difference, doesn’t it?”

“That’s what everyone keeps saying,” he sighs raggedly, dismissing your scrutiny.

You puff your cheeks out and exhale. Leaning back in the booth, you try not to feel so fucking insane.

“...I can never have you over now.”

Bucky’s brows narrow quickly and his eyes snap to yours. “What?”

“I can’t have you over,” you explain slower with your eyes rooted to the soy sauce in the corner, “Because I don’t think I could ever handle you seeing my signed and framed Captain America poster from his USO tour in 1943.”

Bucky’s face is deadpan. “You’re kidding.”

“I really wish I was,” you gripe, “It’s an original.”

“...You’re a Cap girl,” he says suddenly, leaning back with this look in his eye. It’s less of a question. You can’t pin it down. It looks like he's damn near traumatized.

Bucky thinks — honestly — that this is the cherry on top. Every girl back then was a Cap girl, too. It figures, now, in this new century where he’s making new friends that… as per usual, Steve gets the cake. That fuckin’ pint sized bastard.

He’ll have to tell him about this.

You yank your eyes up to Bucky’s face. His mortification is shifting to surprise to amusement. You’re fast to sit up, mouth opening to fire a retort — but Bucky’s suddenly really enjoying the look of pure horror on your face at the insinuation. He’s smirking. Plain as day. He swigs his beer.

“No, no—” you raise a finger, “No, stop it. Don’t make it fuckin’ weird, Bucky, it’s not like I have his name tattoo’d on my ass. And I knew a girl in college who did.”

His brows rise sharply and you’re finding you’re regretting everything that’s coming out of your mouth.

“Stop looking at me like that,” you guffaw, gesturing for him to show you his hand again, “I wanna see.”

Bucky sighs and plucks his hand from his hoodie pocket.

With a sort of tenderness Bucky wasn’t prepared to handle, you take his metallic hand into your own. There’s an immediate twinge — one that’s procured by flashes of violence from years of being a walking weapon. He breathes, and he reminds himself that this arm is not the same that tethered him to HYDRA all those years ago.

This arm is his, it is not him.

The sensation is different. He isn’t used to anyone touching him like this; he’s used to the feeling of flesh on the other end of a punch, or a throat caught in his palm. Not the gentle pass of your fingers, delicate and purposeful, over his knuckles.

You turn over his hand, eyes alight with curiosity — and Bucky, desperate to stamp out the hotness growing in his gut, moves quickly to flick your nose.

“Ow—”

“Don’t stare,” he says coyly, “It’s rude.”

The waitress is back. His hand is tucked away, and you wrestle the stupid expression off your face long enough to order a plate of assorted maki rolls and some fried tofu. Bucky orders what seems like his usual — shrimp tempura and spicy tuna rolls.

The waitress, Sarah, disappears with a smile.

You’re grinning.

“So… Does this make me the sidekick?” you whisper playfully.

“Shut up,” Bucky laughs, his lips almost darting into a smile.

You cock your head, pushing your chopsticks across the table with a horribly coy look on your face. It’s comical. “...I think this makes me the sidekick.”

“It — stop it — it does not make you the sidekick,” Bucky says slowly as he sips his beer and pins you in the booth across from him, “I’m not a hero. You’d have better luck asking Cap on that one.”

You grow silent. There’s a question hanging on your tongue. You’re wrestling with yourself — Bucky can see that much. He frowns.

“Spit it out, Goose.”

You blink. “Was that a Top Gun reference?”

“You wanted to be the sidekick.”

You wave it off, blinking into your Mai Tai. Your voice is quiet. Even as you speak, there’s a hesitancy akin to walking on eggshells. “What happened to Cap? Is he… alive? He’s gone off the grid. It’s, like, this massive conspiracy theory online.”

“He’s upstate.”

You blink.

“That’s ominous.”

Bucky shrugs. “Someday I’ll take you. It’s… nice.”

You go quiet. You freeze, drink halfway to your mouth. Bucky can’t help but smirk at that. His laugh is more of a scoff than anything.

“Relax, Miss America.”

“Shut up — do you mean that?”

“What, that I think you’re in love with Captain America?”

“No, you bastard, that you’ll take me. To meet him.”

Bucky’s words are easy. They roll off his tongue without a second thought. He feels… okay. Like this part is okay. Not as bad as he thought it could be. His anxiousness isn’t as heavy now. He feels like he isn’t losing you. But then again, he hasn’t gotten to the bad part yet.

“He’s my best friend,” Bucky explains plainly, “And so are you.”

The admission is warm. As easy as breathing. Two months in the making.

“Your only friend,” you say quietly, offering the joke as a cover for the softening tone that dances over your words. It’s affection, you realize, as you mimic his shrug, “But, go on.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” Bucky chirps, “But, yea, I mean it. He’d like you.”

You raise your chin, wiggling a bit in the booth. It’s pride — and as much as Bucky likes the look of it, he can’t handle the ridiculousness that comes along with it. But, it’s sort of comforting. He knows this playfulness, this easiness, it’s all because he’s him. You trust him. In.a way, it strikes Bucky with guilt. There are wall of his still built up high. Maybe they’re slowly coming down, but… he’s like a stray dog, slow to trust.

“Safe to say,” you breathe, “I have a few questions.”

“I figured as much.”

You sip your drink and swallow. You raise a hand. “But — I wanna know the boundaries. I don’t want to… I don’t want to pry about shit I have no business knowing, alright? It’s your life and even if we are friends, I don’t need to know everything.”

The relief is almost immediate. He thumbs the label of his beer.

“Ask anything. But I can’t promise I’ll be able to give you the answers.”

“And I’ll leave it at that,” you say sternly, propping your elbow up on the table and offering your pinky finger, “Until you want to talk about it. Promise.”

He crooks his pinky in yours, squeezing gently. You smile.

Sarah comes back with the food, and then Bucky offers his usual half-exhausted, half-amused smirk.

“You get three questions now. Then, we shut up and eat.”

You fold your hands neatly over themselves, eyeing your food as you try your best to sort out what questions come up with the most urgency. There’s… a lot. I mean, everyone knew about the Avengers — and everyone had their opinions. The Sokovia Accords, Lagos, the Blip… and SHIELD. Years of bullshit culminating around those who were considered the heroes. The kickback usually ended up on everyday citizens like you. After the initial amazement, the reality of it all set in.

But, to Bucky’s point, he wasn’t really an Avenger.

Nowadays, there really wasn’t a team at all. No up-state compound, no leader, no Stark and no Rogers.

You’re sure the GRC will try — that the military will try. Morale and hope and blah, blah, blah.

You narrow your eyes. “How old are you?”

It’s quick. “One hundred and six.”

“How’d they keep you alive that long?”

There’s a wince that flashes across his face like he’s been stabbed with a white hot poker in the ribs. You see a twitch of irritation bubble across his lips. Not with you. No, it’s that this question is still hard for him to answer. Bucky exhales sharply.

“Next question.”

You feel a pang of guilt flare in your chest. You move along.

“Who kept you alive that long?”

“The Russians. HYDRA, if you wanna get specific.”

You exhale and settle on the fact you now have more questions than answers. But, you nod and snatch up your chopsticks. Enough of the twenty questions game.

In all honesty, it’s not like Bucky’s existence was common knowledge. The Winter Soldier was known mostly, sure, to those who had floated in the same circles as him when he was nothing but a rabid cur on a choke chain. He can’t help but be a bit thankful for the minor erasure of his new self — sure, in the eyes of the U.S. government he was a high-level threat to be reintegrated as soon as possible and surveyed at all times. But, to the average New Yorker, he was just another person. Everyone was so used to seeing the heroes in their costumes with their bigger than life personas and…

Bucky was just Bucky.

Even he didn’t really know who that was. He was starting to.

His pardon had come with some flak from some of the more political news outlets but… somehow, the details of the Winter Soldier’s exact crimes were being kept silent. Probably to avoid panic. And, even then, the connection between the newly alive James Buchanan Barnes and The Winter Soldier hadn’t been made yet in the public eye. He was glad.

The haircut definitely helped.

It’s like he was a walking classified redaction.

Bucky has a sushi roll in his mouth when he finally speaks. “For such a Captain American fan, I’m surprised you didn’t recognize me.”

“Oh, you’re really not gonna let that go, huh?” you say as you chew, covering your mouth. You swallow and waggle your chopsticks at him, “Listen, it’s been a while since I’ve… y’know, had my Avengers phase. That was years ago. It was at its peak when I worked for SHIELD. And besides, you’re kinda new to the whole superhero scene.”

Bucky frowns. “You worked for SHIELD...?”

“For a year,” you say tightly, “Back before the collapse.”

“Only a year?”

“It was for my graduate program,” you wave it off, “I won out on the most competitive internship NYU had to offer. I was working within their cybersecurity division. I will say I spent more time trying to sort of email phishing scams than anything else, though. I’m sure they saw my record and wanted to keep me away from the juicy stuff.”

Bucky squints.

You offer a sheepish shrug.

“I got into trouble when I was younger,” you sip your drink and sigh, “I always liked computers. I used to spend all my time on forum sites just… reading and talking to people and figuring out how these sites actually worked, so learning how to write my own code was just the next step. When I was fifteen, I learned how to tap phones. At sixteen, I was hijacking my neighbor’s internet conenctions and remotely controlling his laptop.”

“Sounds like a good time.”

“Yea, well, he was a sitting Senator who was having an affair with the nanny,” you mutter, “And I was stupid enough to try and blackmail him for cash. I wish I could say I learned my lesson.”

Bucky exhales long and hard at that, like he knows where that snap of misguided judgement goes. It’s not like he’s passing judgement onto you, but… like he knows the feeling. And you manage to not feel so small, then — telling him this is easy. It’s not your favorite part of your life by any means, but Bucky is listening. Really listening.

He fiddles with the paper wrapper of the chopsticks.

“So, less a Goose and more a Kevin Poulsen type, huh?”

You snort. “For an old man, I’m surprised you know who that is. But, I wasn’t hacking into the Pentagon at seventeen. I was too busy doing community service.”

“HYDRA had their eyes on him in the 90s,” Bucky mumbles through a bite of spicy tuna, the memory popping into his mind and flying out before he can stop it, “I remember… I thought his username was stupid.”

“Oh, you didn’t like Dark Dante?”

“Like I said,” Bucky chortles, “Stupid.”

“You wouldn’t have liked mine, then,” you smirk lightly, “It’s worse.”

Bucky raises his brows, somehow doubting that entirely. “Really?”

“...I was hackrabb1t for a long time. Y’know, with a ‘one’ for the ‘i’,” you cringe, “People kept thinking I was a furry.”

There’s a pause. Bucky’s face is set in an unreadable emotion. It’s confusion mixed with amusement mixed with… something else. When he speaks, he clears his throat and tilts his head.

“It’s clever. But,” a pause, “What is a furry? I’ve been seeing that word all over PlentyOfFish.”

Your jaw flies open. You raise your hands as your head reels around. Bucky has a look on his face like he knows, he knows he shouldn’t have asked and he definitely shouldn’t have given you enough context to know where he’s seen that phrase before, because now you’re looking at him like he has seventeen heads and they’re all on fire.

“Y’know what, nevermind—”

“—Oh, no, no, there’s way too much to unpack here,” you lean forward, “You’re on PlentyOfFish?”

“ChristianMingle wasn’t really my speed — stop laughing.”

“Shut up — stop it, stop — this is too much,” you say with a high voice, “If you get catfished, I’m not helping you track the person down…”

“—What the hell is a catfish?” he nearly cries, raising both hands in a desperate shrug, “I don’t even know what any of these words mean.”

“Oh, you sweet, naive, innocent, man—”

“No, no, no, no,” he chirps, raising a finger with a deadly look of seriousness on his face, “No, I am not naive or sweet or any of the above. I’ll take ‘cute’, sure, but none a’ those.”

“Is that what the furries call you on PlentyOfFish? Cute?”

He drops his head back against the booth and stares at the ceiling.

“Our friendship was a mistake, rabbit.”

You choke out a laugh. “Shut up, you walking claw machine.”

You’re both laughing now — quieter but sustained and everytime you think you’ve calmed down enough to sip your Mai Tai, you just have to look at the distraught, scruffy man across from you to break into another fit of muffled laughter. Finally, after what feels like forever, you both manage to calm down enough to finish the plates in front of you.

There’s a warmth that’s settled in Bucky’s chest — it’s eaten away at the usual jitter in his legs, the anxious twitch of his fingers. It’s a different emotion. Acceptance, maybe. Comfort. Affection.

Then, while you’re piling the last bit of sushi rice into your mouth when your phone, set on the side of the table, begins to go off. It hums erratically, dancing in a circle, and all you do is stare at the name flashing across the screen. You’re smiling, hugging her. It’s from Jaimie’s wedding — out in some big, wide open orchard with the sun setting behind you. The picture there is old; you were both different people then.

Before… everything.

MOM Morristown, NJ

You scowl and stare.

Bucky blinks.

“You gonna get that?”

Quickly, you snap out of it. You reach and silence the buzzing with two quick taps. Quietly, you offer up a somber sigh.

“I never do.”

Bucky frowns again, this time with a worried look that digs deep into his eyebrows. You ignore it on purpose, pushing your plate away and leaning back in the booth. He knows what you’re doing — you’re avoiding his gaze, and therefore his own questions.

“Rabbit.”

“Oh, is that my new nickname, then?”

“It fits,” he chirps before crossing his arms, strategically hiding his metallic hand, “What’s up?”

You grow quiet — then it spills out.

“I can’t talk to her.”

“Why?”

You chew your lip. You bite your tongue and you hold back on the finer points of your anger — ones dredged up by the still present sting of your check-in with Dr. Hart this afternoon.

Here it comes.

“As a part of my pardon, I was ordered no-contact with my family,” you exhale, controlling the level of your voice, reciting the court papers you’d read over and over and over, “It was deemed that further contact would impact my progress towards reformed behavior and judgment.”

Bucky’s eyes are wide. His jaw is tight.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘pardon’?”

It’s your turn to cross your arms now, to ignore the sting of his look. It’s the kind that screams disappointment more than anything. You hate that you’re getting it from Bucky of all people.

“Like I said, I didn’t learn my lesson when I was a kid,” you shirk, “Last year I was arrested on a number of counts — I’d been evading the FBI, CIA, all of them, for years. I was doing it all for people like me. The ones who got left behind.”

Bucky’s tone is flat. It’s serious. His next sentence is less of a question, more of an order. The cadence is rhythmic and it reminds you of your brother the night he found out about the first time you’d been arrested; you decide, then, that Jaimie and Bucky would have gotten along.

“What did you do?”

“Whatever I could,” you wave your hands, “Identity theft, falsified documents, insurance fraud. Anything. There were people, like me, that in a blink, lost everything. Accidents, deaths, evictions and no one did anything for us. The insurance agencies wouldn’t cover damages related to The Snap. Life insurance policies, social security… It all got snatched up by people at the top while the system collapsed around us. I had to pay for my brother’s funeral out of pocket. And there were hundreds of thousands of people just like me, just trying to get by. And everything failed us.”

Bucky is stuck in silence. It’s like mud, dragging him to the bottom of a pond — the sort that’s dredged with misery. In an instant, his veins are on fire with an anger he hadn’t felt in a while. It manifests itself in the tightening of his jaw. He rubs his face and props his elbows up on the table.

“Why won’t they let you see your family?”

You fiddle with your napkin.

“My brother… His wife was on maternity leave when she disappeared in the Blip,” you mutter, “She came back to no job, a dead husband, and no home. Their apartment complex had been abandoned. She’s trying her best to make ends meet. She lives with my Mom in our old home. Neither of them can find work. They… The court thought that I’d be influenced to do something if I was around them.”

“What, like help?”

“They see me as a criminal,” you manage, “But I’m useful, so they’re keeping me around.”

Silence falls between the two of you once more — and the sad look on your face makes Bucky’s chest tight. He can see anxiety beginning to spill over; you’re wringing the napkin, fiddling with the edges. Suddenly, Bucky realizes you’re feeling exactly how he was an hour or so ago.

Your voice is soft. “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you.”

“Looks like we’re two birds of a feather,” he says, knocking the toe of your sneaker with his boot, “Listen, we all do stupid shit. I’ve got a lot worse weighing me down. I get it.”

You look up, sadness glistening in your expression like sun off a lake. It’s harsh. He wants to look away.

He doesn’t.

“... So, that means you’re good with computers?”

◦ ◦ ◦ ◦

That’s how you find yourself in Bucky’s Brooklyn apartment at almost midnight, wandering behind him in the long halls and watching curiously as he digs his key from his pocket and shoulders the door open.

It’s a small apartment. One bed, one bath, a kitchenette and that’s really it.

For its size, it’s hardly lived in.

You suppose it makes sense — Bucky didn’t have a lot of personal belongings, and with the hints he’d dropped about his life before The Blip, you were beginning to understand that he may have never really had that much to begin with.

There’s a blanket on the floor by the television and a single couch pillow. It’s tucked in the corner, behind a small sofa. There’s a chair in the living room, one from an old dining set. At the kitchen counter, there’s a stack of papers and a single laptop. Even though all the kitchen’s wares are older models, the bones of the apartment are good. Bare, but good.

You stop in the doorway to the bedroom and stare at the untouched bed. The sheets are tucked tightly in the corners — there’s something militaristic about it. Across the hall is the bathroom. It’s small. You can see a few amenities scattered across the sink’s top.

Being in here feels something like an open wound.

It was lonely. Quiet. Cold.

“We need to make a trip to HomeGoods,” you mumble as Bucky flicks on the lights, “I get the whole minimalist thing, but sheesh.”

“I don’t have a lot,” he says, kicking off his boots by the door and shrugging off his jacket, “And I don’t need a lot either.”

You watch as his shoulders sag a bit, like he can finally let down his guard just a little in his own space. It’s endearing. You perch yourself up on the kitchen counter as your eyes follow him; he moves to fling open a cabinet and grabs a mug. Then, he hesitates.

“You want tea?” he asks over his shoulder.

“Tea?”

“Dr. Raynor said,” Bucky reaches for a container of tea bags from the top shelf. His henley lifts enough to flash a bit of skin along his lower back and you swear you see a scar, “It would help with my anxiety.”

You swing your legs a little. “Then sure.”

“You can use my Captain America mug,” he chirps, laughing a little to himself, “Seeing as you’re such a big fan…”

“God, I regret even saying anything to you,” you spit as you hop down and lean around him to get a look at the mug, “Did you seriously buy that?”

“It was a gift.”

“Bullshit.”

Bucky snorts as you shake your head and wander backwards, eyeing the rest of his apartment with a bit of astonishment. It’s really nothing impressive — but, you suppose it makes sense. Whatever meager disbursement that the government was willing to give Bucky for his efforts in fixing the Snap was better than nothing.

Your gaze hangs on the blanket in the corner.

He watches you; and he notes the sore sadness that dissolves your posture at the sight of the nest in the corner. A bit of shame colors his cheeks as he heats up the water. When Bucky speaks, it’s slow.

“The bed was too soft. I couldn’t sleep on it,” he shifts from foot to foot and focuses on taking the tea bags out and methodically wrapping the strings around the handles, “Dr. Raynor said that’s a typical thing for soldiers to experience when they come home from war.”

You’re quiet for a while after that, only speaking when he rounds the counter with your tea. He offers it up with a tilt of the head.

“You never got to come home, though, right?”

“No,” comes the short reply as you both watch the lights outside the window, “No, I didn’t. Not until now.”

You nudge his arm with yours. You lean a bit. Bucky leans back.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he manages after a sigh and sip of the tea, “I can’t just feel sorry for myself anymore. I’m trying to fix the wrongs I did — and that’s why I need your help.”

You quirk a brow. He reaches around you and grabs the stack of papers on the counter. With a steady grip, Bucky presents the photo of a woman who looks strikingly familiar. You can’t place her face, but there’s something about her that feels like a slap across the cheek. She’s young here, in a faded photo with tattered edges. Beside her is a man who is laughing. The photo is candid, and they’re both beautiful. They’re both wearing a uniform — but you can’t place the era or location.

You turn to Bucky for answers.

“Back in the 70s, at the height of the Cold War, HYDRA was working in tandem with the Russians to spy on American forces,” he offers easily, staring out the window, “The American HYDRA cell hadn’t yet been planted. This man, Andrei Kuznetzov, was a spy. He was feeding the Americans information on the Russian nuclear program. His wife, the one in the photo, was ordered to kill him. She refused.”

Bucky’s fingers twitch.

His words are soaked through with pain.

“I,” he continues, “killed him.”

You hold your breath. Then you spare him a mournful look.

“Inessa Sidrova went on to help form the same HYDRA cell that ended up taking over SHIELD here in America,” Bucky mumbles, “She’s dangerous. There’s others like her, ones who I helped create, all over the world. But, she’s my top priority. I just haven’t had much luck tracking her down.”

“That’s why you need my help.”

“I’m 106 years old,” Bucky deadpans, “The microfiches at the library were getting a little tedious.”

“But,” you chirp with a sly smirk, “You figured out how to set up a PlentyOfFish account?”

He shoulders you again as you sip your tea and laugh.

“Shoulda never said anything,” Bucky grumbles, “Dr. Raynor thought it was a good idea. Y’know, to get back out in the world.”

“I can promise you,” you say with a stern shake of the head, “The metal arm will get you plenty of chicks and dudes in due time.”

“Good to know,” Bucky replies as his words lilt with a playful sort of questioning that you purposefully ignore. You’re not feeding his ego today. Maybe tomorrow, after you take a crack at figuring out where this woman is.

It’s going to be a long night.

#vacant mirrors #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #winter soldier imagine #tfatws imagine #bucky barnes #marvel imagine #bucky x reader

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