#he was talking about teaching his son how to brush his teeth when he was two (the son is an adult now)

[stargoyle]

[[vent in tags]]

[lineli225]

Tomura Shigaraki 's abuse and neglect under All for One

I've decided to make this post due to the fact AFO's abuse towards Tomura is often ignored and even denied, so I'll be bringing a collection of scenes that prove he was being severally neglected during the 15 years he lived with AFO

1- Malnourishment and Underweight

At the beginning of the story Tomura used to be very skinny, his spine visible, very accentuated collar bones.

We can't see if his ribcages are exposed too since he's always dressed, but we can tell he is abnormally skinny and thin.

Some theorize AFO's purposefully keeps him in this state so he's more weak and frail similar to Yoichi. Or so it adds to his tiredness and numbness.

He's also been shown randomly struggling before (it could've been the aftershock of Stain attack, i don't know)

2- Lack of hygiene

He literally lives in pure filth, trash bags, old soda cans, paper, boxes, packages of food that seems ordered other than homemade, it lingers all over his floor, he is clearly a hoarder

It's completely different of the kept and clean bar, and now before you say "That's Tomura's responsibility, he's an adult he should clean it himself!" just think for a minute, if you had a son, that you see as your heir, and bets on their future so much,If you truly cared about them and saw they felt into a hoarder mindset, wouldn't you at least help?

Why not even Kurogiri cleans if Tomura was being cared by him? This clearly is intentional neglect, specially to keep his mood constantly down.

3 - His teeth

Tomura canonically has crooked teeth (compare his teeth to the other's in the jump festa art), cavities or at least what looks like plaques or dirt all over his teeth.

For someone raised by someone as filthy rich as AFO, he should've had access to dental care

4- Shaggy hair

His hair looks un-brushed, shaggy and dirty, which had no reason for before MVA when he became homeless, so why even at the start? How long has he taken a bath or a shower?

Look at the blatant difference in this scene after he showered at the PLF mansion

5- Unkept, ragged and broken nails

despite his hands also being very skinny, his nails are also all rough and broken Now, I know Tomura isn't a kid to have someone cut his nails for him, but this implies he was never teached how to take care for himself.

Besides of course his clear symptoms of depression and suicidal idealism, which, are very obvious, All for One IS neglecting Tomura by keeping him in that state /knowing/ he isn't being capable of taking care of himself.

6- His bedroom

First of all: No windows

Second, notice how empty it used to be, he had nothing but a bed and a desk, but right as he committed his first murder he started to receive toys, AFO is lovebombing and manipulating him to kill more

7- The obvious neglect to his pain

Notice how every time Tomura panics or is even wounded, he is just ignored and left on the floor bleeding out, puking or writhing.

Which uh- it isn't normal to watch your kid writhe in the floor while smiling and monologuing

8- 24/7 Surveillance and lack of privacy

There are cameras everywhere, AFO spends most of the time watching Tomura, even in his own bedroom, and even talks to him, Tomura probably hasn't had any privacy ever since he was 5

Which is a sign of abuse and control

His entire childhood from 5 to 20 is often relatable for people who grew in cult like environments, and homeschooled children who grew under controlling parents, despite the abuse not being as "obvious" since AFO never directly physically hurt him, the neglect and psychological torture is still there, that and more all the manipulation, gaslighting and grooming (think of Mother Gothel from Tangled as an example of this type of abuser)

By the way, talking about it

9- Gaslighting

"but wasn't /you/ who desired my power?"

The entire body possession plot is a clear evidence AFO never saw Tomura as anything other than a toy to play with, the same way he saw Yoichi, but so many people say the possession was a retcon because "early afo cleared saw him as his heir, he even said it's all for him!"

Well, argue with the literal "he's the next me", while he is.... weirdly caressing the screen while he watches his kid with no privacy- 100% creep behavior

10- AFO's bizzare behavior towards Tomura

The way All for One's hands are often shown caressing him or encasing him somehow, which yeah, it's part of the symbology of Tomura's character (hands that can both hurt and save)

But knowing AFO represents /hurt/ and, you know, i'ts kinda weird to caress the kid you kidnaped off the streets like that-

Cuz yes! Picking kids from the street even if they are orphan is illegal!! You should take them to a police station instead :D

Tomura was KIDNAPED by AFO, not saved.

11- Proof Tomura doesn't /feel/ saved

During his fight against Bakugou, when he sees him being helped, besides being "broken" he starts to spiral on "why no one saved me even before i was broken?"

The visual including the granny that ignored him on the streets

AFO broke him.

He recurrently thinks back to when he was on the streets, even though he was already traumatized, and had already killed his family, he still had /hope/ he ADMITS he believes he could've been different if it wasn't for AFO

If AFO had truly saved him,he wouldn't think like this

12- AFO gifting Tomura the corpses of his family to intentionally keep him nauseated, uncomfortable and traumatized, so he never heals

Besides their weird placements- On a kid. the gangster's hands being in his chest...

13-AFO's intentional desire for Tomura's discomfort

If this entire thread didn't make it obvious already, All for One benefits of Tomura's tiredness, ill feelings, nausea, depression and suicidal mindset, and over all physical and psychological discomfort

This ensures he's submissive to his manipulations and orders, keep him feeling hatred and anger due to constant overwhelming feelings and makes it harder for him to think of why AFO does all of it at all.

I could go even deeper than this about it, but i've reached thread limit and am lazy, so I hope you enjoyed this thread!

Thank you for reading

[notjustjavierpena]

hear me out! reader very pregnant with Ines laying in bed. Javi bringing Lucas to their bed for a good night cuddle with you. Javi encouraging Lucas to talk to the baby or to say hello. Just teaching him how to be big brother before she’s even born. Family sweetness. Wife getting emotional and Javi too haha.

Greet

Series Masterpost | Main Masterpost

A/N: Absolutely love writing them slaying parenthood. Hope you like it!

Summary: You and your husband prepare Lucas for the arrival of his baby sister.

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader/You (No y/n)

Tags: Domestic, Javier loves his family, pregnancy and talk about feelings, fluff

Word count: 2k

Link to this work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55035481

Greet

With a relieved sigh, you sit down on the edge of the bed and lean backward to be able to lift your legs onto the soft mattress. Your tank top strains against your protruding belly, crawling up slowly as you maneuver your pregnant body back to sit against a pillow that you have propped up against the frame of the bed. You get comfortable but you don’t really sleep lying down anymore, your pregnant belly weighing down on you to the point where it feels suffocating to be on your back. Any day now and it’ll be over. Thank God.

Today has been a particularly stressful day of growing another human being; you are at the end of the eighth month of your second pregnancy which means that your poor feet are swollen and aching, your lower back seems to want to give out on you, and you have already been to the bathroom three times during your routine for getting ready for bed because you settling down means that Inés is waking up and using your bladder as a trampoline.

Luckily, Javier had noticed your struggles before you had even voiced them in the kitchen, and with a kiss to your hair, he had sent you to bed with a promise of cleaning the kitchen and doing Lucas’ bedtime routine. 

You try drifting off but to no avail; Inés has so much energy - already in her unborn state - that you can see your tummy jumping from how harshly she kicks you now that your steps around the house aren’t lulling her to sleep. 

You settle for holding a hand over where she has kicked last, not sure what to gain from it other than feeling that she’s alive and well. You sigh with closed eyes, shaking your head with a soft smile as her little foot hits you right in the middle of your palm, “You’re giving your mamá a hard time, baby girl.”

“I bet she is but you’re doing such a good job, mamá,” Javier stands in the doorway with Lucas on his hip, both of them dressed in soft clothes for sleeping. Your husband crouches down to put Lucas’ squirming frame onto the floor, trapping him in his arms from behind and talking into his hair, “I know you’re excited but be gentle, mijo (my son).”

As soon as Javier lets go of Lucas’ tiny body, his son speeds across the room, small excited feet padding across the wooden floor, to crawl into bed with you. Javier follows to support him as he throws a leg onto the mattress during his climb, pushing gently to help him lift his weight so he doesn’t fall down. 

“Mommy!” Lucas exclaims loudly when he can finally crawl towards you and he does so with haste. He looks like he might climb on top of you, so you manage to grab him, turn him onto his back, and pull him into the crook of your arm. You tickle him until he squeals with glee.

“I knew I was gonna get you,” you smile down at your squirming baby, and your whole chest aches with love and baby fever. Lucas eventually tells you to stop and you do, wrapping your arm around him so he can use your arm as a backrest. He talks about the horrors of getting his teeth brushed with enthusiasm and you hope it’ll make him tired to babble on about it. 

You find Javier’s eyes as he stands at the end of the bed and you smile warmly. He looks so in love with you that you can feel the heat of his gaze creep up your neck with each movement he does as he joins you on the bed. 

He ruffles the hair on Lucas’ head and kisses you, causing your son to stick out his tongue. He doesn’t look pleased, “Papá, I’m talking to mom!” 

“Lo siento (sorry),” Javier smiles and rolls his eyes with a grin when Lucas doesn’t see. Lucas nods in approval of his apology and goes back to giving you all his attention, love in his eyes as he stares up at you.

With your free hand, you rub your swollen belly, “Lucas, you have to learn how to share me when Inés comes.”

Lucas’ eyes widen at the thought of that. He furrows his brow, not fully understanding what you mean but trying so hard to make sense of it. He looks down at your hand, trying to connect the dots but eventually just confesses instead, “But I don’t want to share you, Mommy.”

“I know, baby,” you reassure him, tone gentle as you explain, “But when Inés is born, she’ll need me and Daddy a lot so she can grow up to be your little sister, and that can only happen when we give her attention and love like we give you.” 

Lucas looks skeptical, uncertain in his expression. He stares at your belly for a second, “No. I don’t like it.”

“But you get to be a big brother,” Javier joins in, squeezing his son’s leg, “And you get to teach Inés all sorts of things.”

“Like what?” Lucas asks, not taking his eyes off of your pregnant belly. 

“Hmm,” your husband tries to think of something to spark interest and you fall in love with him a little more when he starts listing things for your impatient son, “Like how to play with your toys or draw with crayons. Maybe she’ll like your favorite books too. When she’s big like you, you can teach her how to kick a ball like you do.”

Lucas lights up at the topic of playing soccer, “She can play ball with me?”

“If you are patient and let her grow a little,” you tell him.

“But that can only happen if you share Mommy,” Javier says from beside you. Lucas’ excitement fades in a brief moment and he suddenly looks shy in the same way he does when he’s meeting strangers. It turns into sulking not a moment later, his eyes in his lap and you and Javier sharing a look. 

“Mijo (My son),” Javier says eventually and runs a gentle hand over his son’s hair. He accepts the touch, crawling out of your embrace to cuddle up to his father. Javier caresses his back and Lucas gazes up at him when he starts talking, “Está bién sentirse un poco inseguro. ¿Quizás quieras decir hola (It’s okay to feel a little unsure. Maybe you would like to say hello)?”

“Go on, baby,” you smile as a way to reassure, arching your back a little in your position to push your belly further out. 

Javier points to it, “She’s in there right now.”

Lucas stares for a moment before kneeling by you on the bed. Javier reaches out to place a hand just above your belly button and Lucas follows a second after, “Hi Inés. I’m your big brother and you are my little sister.”

“That’s good, Lucas,” both you and your husband praise. Javier pulls back his hand but only so he can wrap both arms around Lucas’ torso from behind. He talks softly, “Go on. Inés can hear you even if she’s inside mamá’s tummy.” 

“Papá says you can play ball with me but I think he is lying. Eres una bebita (you are a little baby),” he says with a little more confidence. 

Warmth surges through your body and tears well up in your eyes, hormones rushing through your system. Your heartbeat picks up at the sight of your boy being a true copy of his father’s gentleness, such a natural at welcoming his baby sister into his own world. You want to move and kiss his little face, lit up with anticipation, but you don’t want to pass up the opportunity to have Lucas bond with his sibling, so you ache silently to hold your son close. 

Javier, as if he has read your mind, does it instead. He leans his head over Lucas’ shoulder and presses a tender kiss to his chubby cheek. Lucas crinkles his nose and squirms but suddenly cannot seem to stop talking. He tells Inés about his favorite teddy bear, about a book you read to him last night, and even about how she can borrow his toys sometimes if she asks. 

And then it happens and you barely believe it. Inés kicks you at the sound of her older brother’s voice, causing your stomach to jump underneath his tiny hand. Your breath catches in your throat and an expression of wonder flashes on Lucas’ face. He pulls back in shock but giggles loudly from slight uncertainty. He looks up at you to make sure everything is okay and you blink a few happy tears away to keep him focused. You nod, “She’s saying hi to you, baby.”

“Hi, Inés!” Lucas says loudly and with a smile. He beams and rocks back and forth on his knees, patting your pregnant belly in the most gentle manner he can manage in his excitement, “When will she play with me?”

“She’ll be born any day now,” Javier answers and you can hear his voice wavering with emotion. He swallows thickly and tries to hide his tears as well, “And then you can get to know her.”

You close your eyes with a relieved sigh at how quickly Lucas’ attitude has changed at the idea of a forever playmate, content in the moment you are having with the two boys in your life. You get a flash of the new routine that you are about to experience and settle into, and in your mind, Lucas is the sweetest older brother, patient and kind in everything he does. 

“Alright, mijo (my son), say goodnight to mamá y Inés, es hora de dormir (it’s time to sleep),” Javier says and begins to get out of bed when Lucas’ eyes have started to droop and he keeps reaching up to itch them. 

“Goodnight, Inés!” Your son says loudly at your belly to which you laugh quietly. He then lowers his voice and crawls to hug you, “Goodnight, mamá.”

“Goodnight, sweetie, te quiero tanto (I love you so much),” you rub his back and hold him close for a long while, smiling up at Javier as you embrace. He smiles back at you, not needing to say anything because you know that he is telling you how much he loves all three of you. 

When Lucas has gotten his goodnight kiss, he takes Javier’s hand and lets himself be led out of the room to his bed. You can hear him talk all the way down the hallway.

When Javier enters the bedroom again, he switches off the big light and crawls into bed with you. After giving you a kiss, he fluffs his pillow and lays down with his body facing yours, “You okay, baby?”

You reach for him and brush hair out of his face, “I think I made the right choice to make you my baby daddy. You’re so amazing with him.”

“I think my wife needs to sleep soon, she’s speaking nonsense,” he teases, taking your wrist in his hand to kiss it. 

“Wish I could, but my feet are so sore,” you complain with a sigh and try to get comfortable in your sitting position, “And I miss sleeping lying down.”

Javier clicks his tongue in sympathy and moves to sit again, “I’m sorry, mi vida (my life), I wish I could remove your discomfort.”

“It’s fine,” you entwine your fingers and place them underneath your belly, “Not long now. I’m just warming up for sleepless nights.”

He chuckles softly, “Inés will be a Daddy’s girl. You’ll get plenty of sleep, I’ll make sure of it.”

“You are winning a whole lot of points right now, husband,” you say and accept a string of kisses to your lips. 

“And if I ask you if you want me to give your feet a rub? What then, wife?” He raises his brows with a smirk.

“I think you might have hit the jackpot,” you grin and wiggle your toes.

.

.

.

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[harrysfolklore]

Bubba's first day of school!!

4th day !! thank you for sticking by we’re almost done <3 i have to be honest, this is my favorite written piece i’ve done so give it some loooove

ask me anything | masterlist | likes and reblogs are appreciated ! | support me

"Are we sure he needs to go?" Harry's whiny voice echoed through your ears, you were currently in the kitchen packing your baby boy's lunch, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich along with crackers and star shaped kiwis and strawberries, just how he liked it.

"We talked about this, H, he's four now he needs to go to school," you told your whiny husband, turning around to look at him and noticing the prominent pout on his face "Oh come on, stop being dramatic, It's just going to be a few hours and he'll be back home." you moved towards him, wrapping your arms around his torso and looking up at him, he gave you the biggest puppy eyes you've ever seen and you internally chuckled thinking about how he was being more dramatic than his four year old.

"But what if he feels lonely? What if- what if it's hard for him to talk to the other kids and he feels sad? Besides, you've been doing a great job educating him, you know, he's way smarter than other four year olds, he doesn't need school, baby, we can homeschool him together, yeah we could do that and- " you listened to his rambling with a small smile on your face, before he continued on, you grabbed his face with both of your hands and pecked his lips firmly.

"First of all, breathe," you told him when you pulled away, you watched him do as you said and let out a small 'done' right after "Second of all, this is your son we're talking about, honey, he's going to befriend every single kid as soon as he walks into the classroom, he has your extroverted demeanor and bubbly personality, he'll be fine," he grabbed one of your wrists and kissed your palm that was still holding his face, you could tell that he was still anxious about the entire thing, "And as tempting as having him at home all day sounds, he needs to go out there and interact with other kids, and learn from actual teachers and not just me and my parenting books." he continued pressing kisses on your palm and the inside of your wrist before he brought you in for a hug, you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders and scratched his scalp. He just needed to be baby-ed for a while and he would be fine.

"I know, I know. You're right, I'm just being a dramatic, overprotective dad who wants his boy to stay little forever." you couldn't help but melt at his words, watching Harry become a dad made you fall in love with him all over again, there was something about him teaching your son how to brush his teeth, tie his shoelaces, how to respect others and treat people with kindness, you wouldn't change that for anything.

"You truly are an overprotective dad, I can't even imagine how bad is going to get when we have a little girl." you said with a little smirk, and one made its way to Harry's face at your words, already feeling giddy about what you were implying "Are you suggesting It's time for baby #2?" he pulled you closer and connected your lips together, you let him grab the back of your neck to deepen the kiss but a little voice calling for you made you stop.

"Mummy, daddy, I'm ready for school!" your little boy squealed, his voice laced with excitement and the pitter-patter of his tiny feet dragging him all the way to the kitchen.

"We'll continue this later," he whispered against your lips before pecking them one last time and letting go of your waist to pick his son up from the ground. "There's my baby bubba, because you're still my baby, right? You might go to big boy school but you're still a baby" he obnoxiously pecked your baby's cheek and tickled his belly, making him squeal and laugh "Come on, say bye to mummy before we head out" he passed the little boy to your arms and you couldn't help but get a bit emotional, even though you were giving a lecture to your husband about it just minutes ago.

"Remember to have lots of fun and be kind, okay?" you softly told him, pecking his forehead and smiling at the cheery "Okay!" he let out.

You put him down and watched as he jogged to you husband who was waiting for him by the front door, with his little backpack hanging on his broad shoulder, and with a final wave and a flew kisses blown your way, they were out of the house.

You found yourself getting a bittersweet feeling over your son starting school, you felt emotional and a tad bit sad over you baby not being so baby anymore, but at the same time, you couldn't help but feel excited about the tiny human that was growing inside your belly that would be the new baby of the house in a few months. And of course, you couldn't wait to tell your husband.

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[acourtofthought]

242 Reasons Why Lucien is the GOAT of the ACOTAR Series

“I’m Lucien. Courtier and emissary.” He gestured to me with a flourish. “Your eyes are like stars, and your hair like burnished gold.”

Lucien smirked. “Apologies, Feyre.”

I finally found Lucien astride a black gelding, grinning down at me with too-white teeth.

“I admire your balls, Feyre—I really do. Or maybe it’s stupidity

“A valiant effort,” Lucien said with a smirk.

Lucien snorted but didn’t say anything else

“I might die of surprise,” Lucien said behind me. “You made a joke, Feyre.”

A cork popped, followed by the sounds of Lucien chugging the bottle’s contents and chuckling with a muttered “Brushed.”

Lucien remained sitting on the blanket and lifted the bottle of wine in salute. He took a slug from it as he sprawled on his back and gazed at the green canopy.

He sighed, looking skyward before he studied me warily, that metal eye narrowing with unnerving focus.

I wondered—wondered if being emissary also meant being spymaster.

“I didn’t keep my mouth shut when I should have, and was punished for it.”

“Well, thank the Cauldron that you didn’t. Cleaning up that mess would have ruined the rest of my day.”

He winced. “Shit, Feyre—I’m not that old.”

Lucien huffed a laugh. “Not as good as Tam, but I know how to handle my weapons.”

“Would you like me to teach you how to wield a blade, or do you already know how, oh mighty mortal huntress?

Lucien sighed as he looked me over. “Do you ever stop being so serious and dull?”. “Do you ever stop being such a prick?” I snapped back. But Lucien grinned at me. “Much better.”

The face of Tamlin’s emissary—more court-trained and calculating than I’d seen him yet.

In lieu of a pretty breakfast table by the window, a worn worktable dominated the space, covered in various weapons.

It was there he sat, wearing only a white shirt and trousers, his red hair unbound and gleaming like liquid fire. Tamlin’s court-trained emissary, but a warrior in his own right.

“I had to go sort out some hotheads on the northern border—official emissary business,” he said, setting down the hunting knife he’d been cleaning, a long, vicious blade.

Lucien leaned back in his chair, smiling with feline delight.

Lucien never cared about it, never expected to be crowned High Lord, so he spent his youth doing everything a High Lord’s son probably shouldn’t: wandering the courts, making friends with the sons of other High Lords”—

he’d already made many friends across the courts and had always been good at talking to people.

Lucien told her to go back to the shit-hole she’d crawled out of. She took his eye as punishment.

The metal eye narrowed on me while the other remained wary, unimpressed. “Yes?”

The look he gave me was more contemplative than any he’d given me before. “I know far too many High Fae and lesser faeries who wouldn’t have seen it that way—or bothered.”

He reached for something at his side and tossed it to me. I had to fight to stay in the saddle as I fumbled for it—a jeweled hunting knife. / I’d never held one so finely crafted, so perfectly balanced.

“Burn in Hell,” Lucien replied for Tamlin.

“Idiot!” he yelled at me, then glanced behind him toward where the other faeries stared. “Useless human fool.” Without further word, he slung me over his shoulder as if I were a sack of potatoes.

I found that he was running—fast. Faster than anything should be able to move.

I could have sworn that Lucien was sleeping upright, fork in hand.

Lucien propped an arm on the table and covered his mouth with his hand, his russet eye bright.

“Faerie pig!” I yelled, and Lucien howled, almost tipping back in his chair.

“Well, I’m late for something incredibly important,” Lucien said, and before I could call him on his outright lie or beg him to stay, the fox-masked faerie vanished.

Lucien, claiming that he had miserable emissary business to attend to,

Lucien, mercifully, appeared like Lucien. I didn’t ask whether that was because Tamlin had informed him to put up a better glamour or because he didn’t bother trying to be something he wasn’t.

“I see,” I lied, not quite seeing at all. Lucien chuckled, sensing it

He used the dagger to clean his nails. “I’ve been busy. So have you, I take it.”

Lucien climbed the statue to remove the head.

“Cauldron boil me,” Lucien whistled as I came down the stairs. “She looks positively Fae.”

“Unfortunately for you and your neck,” Lucien countered, “tonight’s just a party.” “Do you lie awake at night to come up with all your witty replies for the following day?” Lucien winked at me.

“So there’s singing and dancing and excessive drinking,” Lucien chimed in, falling into step beside me. “And dallying,” he added with a wicked grin.

“Remember the last time you ignored my warning?” He poked me in the neck, and I batted his hand away.

“I also remember you telling me how witchberries were harmless, and the next thing I knew, I was half-delirious and falling all over myself,” I said, recalling the afternoon from a few weeks ago. I’d had hallucinations for hours afterward, and Lucien had laughed himself sick—enough so that Tamlin had chucked him into the reflection pool.

His auburn hair burned like hot metal, and his russet eye smoldered like a bottomless forge.

“Cauldron boil and fry me,” he muttered,

“Idiot,” he said when he looked at my face. “Drunken idiot.”

I wanted his broad hands running over my bare skin, wanted his teeth scraping against my neck, wanted his mouth all over me. “I’m trying to eat,” Lucien said

Lucien lead me to the window, where he pushed me against the velvet drapes. / The tang of magic shoved itself up my nostrils. Though his sword was pointed at the floor, Lucien’s grip tightened on it until his knuckles turned white. Magic—a glamour. To conceal me, to make me a part of Lucien—invisible, hidden by the faerie’s magic and scent.

Lucien pointed his sword at Rhysand. “Watch your filthy mouth.”

Lucien spat at Rhysand’s feet and shoved his sword between us.

“You draw blood from me, Lucien, and you’ll learn how quickly Amarantha’s whore can make the entire Autumn Court bleed. Especially its darling Lady.” The color leeched from Lucien’s face, but he held his ground.

Lucien stared him down for a moment, spat on the ground, and stormed up the stairs.

“Well, at least we don’t have to lie to you anymore. Let’s clean you up a bit.”

“Fixed—as pert and pretty as before.” He smirked at me.

“Her name, Emissary?” Amarantha asked of Lucien. But Lucien only glanced at Tamlin before closing his eyes and squaring his shoulders.

“I thought you would have learned your lesson, Lucien. Though this time your silence will damn you as much as your tongue.” Lucien kept his eyes shut. Ready—he was ready for Rhysand to wipe out everything he was, to turn his mind, his self, into dust.

Then, shattering the silence like a shooting star, a voice—Lucien’s—bellowed across the chamber. “TO YOUR LEFT!”

She listened, of course—but only after she made Tamlin bestow Lucien’s punishment. Twenty lashes.”

He unclasped his cloak and set it around my shoulders.

“It’s why I couldn’t come sooner,” he said, his throat bobbing. “She used her—used our powers to keep my back from healing. I haven’t been able to move until today.”

The brutally scarred face beneath was still handsome—his features sharp and elegant.

“Tam!” Lucien cried over the chaos. A sword hurtled through the air, a shooting star of steel.

Lucien hunted down five naga yesterday.”

Lucien had gifted both to me—the dagger during the months before Amarantha, the belt in the weeks after her downfall, when I’d carried the dagger, along with many others, everywhere I went. You might as well look good if you’re going to arm yourself to the teeth, he’d said.

Last week, I’d finally asked him if she’d set her sights on him, and Lucien had merely given me a look, snarling softly, before stalking off

the right hand of a High Lord and another High Lord’s son.

“I didn’t lie,” Lucien said tightly. “I technically did fall off my horse.” He patted his mount’s flank. “After one of them tackled me off her.”

I am the first one the others look to—I set the example.

“I was forced to watch as my father butchered the female I loved. My brothers forced me to watch.”

“Please,” Lucien said, bowing his head gracefully. “The effort to rebuild is our burden to share. It would be our honor.”

He assured me that he hated the gatherings as much as I did, and that Lucien was the only one who really enjoyed himself,

Lucien intervened calmly, “I already have my sources looking into it.”

Lucien sighed a bit and said to Tamlin, “If we perhaps trained her in secret—”

Lucien muttered something that sounded like a plea to the Cauldron.

Lucien took a deep breath that sounded a lot like: “Here we go.”

Lucien cleared his throat. “She meant no harm, Tam.”/ Lucien held his gaze. “Worse things have happened, worse things can happen. Just relax.”

Thoughts slammed into me, images and memories, a pattern of thinking and feeling that was old, and clever, and sad, so endlessly sad and guilt-ridden, hopeless—

“How long have the claws been appearing?” he said softly. "There's only so much I can do,” he said hoarsely. “But I’ll ask him tonight. About the training. The powers will manifest whether we train you or not, no matter who is around. I’ll ask him tonight,” he repeated.

They will hunt her, and kill her, Ianthe had hissed at Lucien. Lucien had growled back, They’ll do it anyway, so what’s the difference?

We are not assassins, Lucien had cut in. Rhys is what he is, but who would take his place—. Lucien had gone on, his tone pleading, Tamlin. Tam. Just let her train, let her master this—if the other High Lords do come for her, let her stand a chance...

His red hair was tied back, and there wasn’t a hint of finery on him: just armored leather, swords, knives

Lucien, beside Tamlin, again put a hand on his sword. “Stop this.”

“That is enough.” Lucien surged for Elain, for the Cauldron.

Lucien snarled at the king over the bite of the magic at his throat, “Don’t just leave her on the damned floor—” There was a flare of light, and a scrape, and then Lucien was stalking toward Elain, freed of his restraints.

As Lucien took off his jacket, kneeling before Elain.

“She is no such thing,” she said, and shoved him again. Lucien didn’t move an inch.

Perhaps you’ll get a handsome Fae lord as your mate, too.”

Lucien’s answering growl was nothing short of feral.

Lucien spun toward me, and that metal eye whirred and narrowed. Centuries of cultivated reason clicked into place.

But Lucien was watching me warily. Too warily.

His gaze on me. Face hard. As if he’d seen through every lie. As if he knew of the second tattoo beneath my glove, and the glamour I now kept on it. As if he knew that they had let a fox into a chicken coop—and he could do nothing. Not unless he never wanted to see his mate—Elain—again.

It was Lucien who answered, studying my painting as if it held the proof I knew he was searching for.

Lucien remained leaning against the door across from mine. His room. I didn’t doubt he’d ensured I now stayed across from him. Didn’t doubt that the metal eye he possessed was always turned toward my own chambers, even while he slept.

“She’s going to spin a story that you’ll want to hear,” Lucien warned. / Lucien halted me with a hand around my elbow. “You’re smarter than that.” I studied the broad, tan hand wrapped around my elbow.

Lucien breathed, “Where is he keeping her?” / “Tell me anyway. List all of them.”. “You’ll die the moment you set foot in his territory.” “I survived well enough when I found you.”

Lucien only nodded. But I felt his gaze on my back, fixed right on my spine, as I headed downstairs

Lucien answered, “If you expect our gratitude, you’ll be waiting a while, Ianthe.”

Lucien seemed to be trying very, very hard not to roll his eyes.

I could practically feel the snide remark simmering in Lucien.

“My emissary knows the wall as well as any sentry.”

“I have an old friend at the Dawn Court. She’s skilled at tinkering—blending magic and machinery. Tamlin got her to craft it for me at great risk.”

I was fairly certain that only centuries of training kept Lucien from leaping over the table to rip out Jurian’s throat.

“The gap in the wall is right up here,” Lucien was saying, sounding about as thrilled as me to be in such company.

Brannagh studied how closely I stood to Lucien; how he shifted slightly to shield me, too.

Lucien sat against a nearby tree, folding one booted ankle over another. “Whatever you’re planning, it’ll land us knee-deep in shit.”

“I would have been a part of the human-Fae alliance.”

“I did it for you, too, you know.” Cold, hard words. “I went with him to get you back.”

But the only trace of you was that ring, melted between the stones of the parlor. I got rid of it a moment before Tam arrived home to see it.”

“This situation is terrible,” I said, and it was the truth. A low snort.

And despite Jurian, despite the sneering royals, a corner of Lucien’s mouth tugged upward.

I gave Lucien a subtle, pleading look, and he barely hid his smirk as he sauntered over to me. Our dispersing party watched as he braced my waist in his broad hands and easily hefted me off the horse.

Ever the courtier, he bowed back.

He flat-out refused to participate. I replaced him in the Rite, but …” I went in his stead, and I did my duty to the court.

I could feel Ianthe scrambling to regain control, to find some way to spin it. Perhaps Lucien could, too. For he took my hand, and then knelt upon one knee in the grass, pressing my fingers to his brow.

I kept close to Lucien, who was inclined to indulge me.

Lucien answered on the second knock. “I heard you—what’s wrong.” He scanned me, russet eye wide as he noted my disheveled hair, my sweaty nightgown. / I swallowed, a silent question on my face, and he nodded, retreating into the room to let me inside. Bare from the waist up, he’d managed to haul on a pair of pants before opening the door, and hastily buttoned them as I strode past.

“What did you dream of tonight?” he asked quietly./ Lucien rose, stalking to me. / Lucien paused half a foot from me. He didn’t so much as object as I threw my arms around his neck, burying my face against his warm, bare chest. / Lucien loosed a heavy sigh and slid an arm around my waist, the other threading through my hair to cradle my head. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.” He held me, stroking soothing lines down my back

His red hair gleamed in the faint firelight.

His silence was heavy—sad. I hated the lie, hated it for how filthy it felt to wield it. “I’m sorry,” he said

It’s why we avoid bargains unless it’s necessary: even the scholars at the Day Court don’t know how it works. Believe me, I’ve asked.” “For me—you asked them for me.”. “Yes. I went last winter to inquire about breaking your bargain with Rhys.” “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I—we didn’t want to give you false hope. And we didn’t dare let Rhysand get wind of what we were doing, in case he found a way to interfere. To stop it.”

“You didn’t stop him.” “I tried. I begged him for mercy. He didn’t listen. He couldn’t listen.”

“Even if they’re now our allies,” I mumbled, “I still hate them.” A snort. “Me too.”

“Autumn Court males have fire in their blood—and they fuck like it, too.”

Then at us, their eyes widening further as they noted Lucien’s cruel beauty.

Lucien stared him down. “We accept no tribute from the human lands. Least of all children.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied, well aware that Lucien carefully watched from the shade of a nearby oak.

Lucien had gone to the stream to get more water

Lucien woke me the next morning with a hand over my mouth, warning gleaming in his russet eye. I smelled it a moment later: the coppery tang of blood. / Lucien slid from the tent, limbs loose and ready to shift into a defensive position. He’d been trained, he once told me—at the Autumn Court and at this one. Like Rhys, he usually opted for words to win his battles, but I’d seen him and Tamlin in the practice ring. He knew how to handle a weapon. How to kill, if need be.

Lucien laid his own cloak across the remains of the two young women.

“They are our allies,” he growled at me, at Lucien, both of us seated in armchairs flanking the mantel. / “And you should have left it alone for me to deal with.” Tamlin heaved a jagged breath. “Not retaliated like children.” He threw a glare in Lucien’s direction. “I expected better from you.” / “You sent the Bogge after them!” Tamlin roared. /Lucien had tracked it down—and we’d lured it, carefully, over hours, back to that camp. Right to where Dagdan and Brannagh had been gloating over their kill. / Lucien cleared his throat. Stood as well. “Tam—those humans were barely more than children. Feyre gave the royals an order to stand down. They ignored it. If we let Hybern walk all over us, we stand to lose more than their alliance. The Bogge reminded them that we aren’t without our claws, too.”

He exploded. Furniture splintered and went flying, windows cracked and shattered. / My knees slammed into the carpeted floor, and Tamlin was instantly in front of me, hands shaking— The doors burst open. “What have you done,” Lucien breathed, and Tamlin’s face was the picture of devastation as Lucien shoved him aside. He let Lucien shove him aside and help me stand. / “Let’s get you cleaned up,” Lucien said, an arm around my shoulders as he eased me from the room.

the broad panes of his chest, his stomach.

But Lucien was there. Her focus wholly on me, on taking from me the beauty I’d burned from her, Brannagh did not see him winnow until it was too late. Until Lucien’s sword refracted the light of the sun leaking through the canopy. And then met flesh and bone.

“I’m going with you,” he said again, face splattered with blood as bright as his hair. “I’m getting my mate back.”

“I know a place,” Lucien said, walking toward the cave that would take us to his home.

I let Lucien lead the way,

“It doesn’t lead anywhere. It curves away in the back—it’ll keep us out of sight.” I let him go inside first nonetheless.

Flint struck, and I found myself gazing at a makeshift camp of sorts. The candle Lucien had ignited sat on a natural stone ledge, and on the floor nearby lay three bedrolls and old blankets, crusted with leaves and cobwebs. A little fire pit lay in the sloped center of the space, the ceiling above it charred. No one had been here in months. Years. “I used to stay here while hunting. Before—I left,” he said,

“It’s too risky to eat,” I admitted, evading his question. Lucien was having none of it. “I knew. I knew you were lying the moment you unleashed that light in Hybern. My friend at the Dawn Court has the same power—her light is identical. And it does not do whatever horseshit you lied about it doing.”

His eye seemed to simmer. As if being in his own lands set that molten ore inside him rising to the surface, even with the damper on his power. “Glad to see the mask is off, at least.”

“You have the gall to question my priorities regarding Elain—yet what was your motive where I was concerned? Did you plan to spare me from your path of destruction because of any genuine friendship, or simply for fear of what it might do to her?”

His woods, by blood and law. He was a son of this forest, and here … He looked crafted from it. For it. Even that gold eye.

he waded into the stream, boots off and pants rolled to his knees, and caught one with his bare hands. He’d tied his hair up, a few strands of it falling into his face as he swooped down again and threw a second trout onto the sandy bank where I’d been trying to find a substitute for fishing twine. / Lucien picked them up by their tails, as if he’d done it a thousand times. He might very well have, right here in this stream. “I’ll clean them while you start the fire.” I

“As the youngest of seven sons, I wasn’t particularly needed or wanted. Perhaps it was a good thing. I was able to study for longer than my father allowed my brothers before shoving them out the door to rule over some territory within our lands, and I could train for as long as I liked, since no one believed I’d be dumb enough to kill my way up the long list of heirs. And when I grew bored with studying and fighting … I learned what I could of the land from its people. Learned about the people, too.” He eased to his feet with a groan, his unbound hair glimmering as the midday sun overhead set the blood and wine hues aglow. “I’d say that sounds more High-Lord-like than the life of an idle, unwanted son.” A long, steely look. “Did you think it was mere hatred that prompted my brothers to do their best to break and kill me?”

of all the sounds that Lucien so carefully sorted through while he kept watch.

he removed his cloak and added it over my blanket.

“Father,” the one now holding a knife to my throat said to Lucien, “is rather put out that you didn’t stop by to say hello.” “We’re on an errand and can’t be delayed,” Lucien answered smoothly, mastering himself.

he saw the sweat beading on my temple, my upper lip, as my blood heated. A slight bob of his chin was his only sign of understanding.

“Run,” I gasped out, but Lucien was already at my side, a steadying hand under my arm as I burned that flame hotter and hotter. It wouldn’t keep them contained for long, and I could indeed feel someone’s power rising to challenge mine. But there was another force to wield. Lucien understood the same moment I did. Sweat simmered on Lucien’s brow as a pulse of flame-licked power slammed into the stones just above us. Dust and debris rained down. I threw any trickle of magic into Lucien’s next blow. His next. / Lucien and I brought down the cave ceiling.

I’d been wearing my cloak, but … he’d indeed given me his. He shivered against the cold as we dragged and clawed our way up the mountain slope, and did not dare stop.

“Tell me about her—about Elain,” Lucien said quietly.

“And then I’ll ask your mate how he survived it—knowing you were engaged to someone else. Sharing another male’s bed.”

“You left us.” Us. Not Tamlin. Us. The words echoed into the dark,

"You fit into the Spring Court as little as I did, Lucien. You enjoyed its pleasures and diversions. But don’t pretend you weren’t made for something more than that.”

“Run,” Lucien breathed. / “Faster,” Lucien ordered. “Don’t look!” he barked as I began to turn my head to see if they’d followed. He lashed out a hand to grip my elbow, steadying me before I could even register that I’d stumbled. / “Zag,” Lucien panted. “We need to—” He shoved me aside, and I staggered, arms wheeling. Just as an arrow ricocheted off the ice where I’d been standing. “Faster,” Lucien snapped, and I didn’t hesitate.

Behind him, cut off by his brothers, Lucien had drawn his own knife and now sized up the other two.

I think Lucien shouted my name.

“Which one?” I asked carefully. Mor swept her attention over Lucien once more. I almost pitied Lucien for the weight in her gaze, the utter judgment. The stare of the Morrigan—whose gift was pure truth. Whatever she beheld in Lucien was enough for her to say, “The town house. You have someone waiting there for you.”

Lucien survey our surroundings.

But their watchful silence was indication enough: let him decide his own fate. At last, Lucien looked at me. At us. He said, “There are children laughing in the streets.” I blinked. He said it with such … quiet surprise. As if he hadn’t heard the sound in a long, long time.

“I see you brought home a new pet,” she said, nose crinkling with distaste. / Before I could introduce him, Lucien bowed at the waist. Deeply / Amren smiled slightly. “Already trained, I see.”

Lucien, to his credit, didn’t back away a step. From Rhys, or me, or the Illyrians. The Clever Fox Stares Down Winged Death. The painting flashed into my mind.

Lucien only shifted on his feet. Wary. Considering. I counted the heartbeats, debating how much I’d interfere if he said something truly stupid, when he at last murmured, “There is a longer story to be told, it seems.” Smart answer.

Lucien weighed my offer—and the three males monitoring his every blink and breath. He only nodded. Another wise decision.

“And you love him. And he—he truly does love you.” Lucien dragged a hand through his red hair. “And all these people I have spent my centuries hating, even fearing … They are your family.”

And yet there she was, acting more like a cranky old aunt than anything.”

But Lucien was standing in the doorway. And from the devastation on his face, I knew he’d heard every word. Seen and heard and felt the hollowness and despair radiating from her.

“I would never hurt her.” A bleak sort of honesty in his words.

We were almost to the door, Cassian already in the hall, when Lucien said to me, “Thank you.” I didn’t dare ask him for what.

"set up the handsome one as High Lord of Autumn"

“What did you do with yourself this afternoon?” “Slept,” he said. “Washed. Sat on my ass.”

His face was indeed controlled, but—a hint of surprise twinkled there. Wariness, too, but … surprise.

Lucien, standing near the windows and watching the sun set over Velaris, was wearing a fine green jacket embroidered with gold, his cream-colored pants showing off muscled thighs, and his knee-high black boots polished enough that the chandeliers of faelight reflected off them. He’d always had a casual grace about him, but here, tonight, with his hair tied back and jacket buttoned to his neck, he truly looked the part of a High Lord’s son. Handsome, powerful, a bit rakish—but well-mannered and elegant.

Lucien considered. “Can I offer my unsolicited advice?” / Lucien studied my mate, then me. “I assume Feyre is going.” / “Are you planning to hide her powers?” / Lucien studied me again, and it was an effort not to squirm. “My father would likely join with Hybern if he thought he stood a chance of getting his power back that way—by killing you.” / Lucien jerked his chin to Azriel. “That’s the information you need to gather. What my father knows—if my brothers realized what she was doing. You need to start from there, and build your plan for this meeting accordingly.”

Rhys swirled his wine once, set it down, and said to Lucien, “You and Azriel should talk. Tomorrow.” Lucien glanced toward the shadowsinger—who only nodded at him. “I’m at your disposal.”

He added to Lucien, who did not balk from those writhing shadows, “After lunch, we’ll meet.

“You trust Lucien.” Rhys angled his head at the not-quite question. “I trust in the fact that we currently have possession of the one thing he wants above all else. And as long as that remains, he’ll try to stay on our good side. But if that changes … His talent was wasted in the Spring Court. There was a reason he had that fox mask, you know.”

“He’s not a bad person—he’s not evil.” “He certainly isn’t.”

Too thin. She must not be eating at all. How can she even stand? The thoughts flowed through his head, one after another. His heart was a raging, thunderous beat, and he didn’t dare move from his position a mere five feet away. She hadn’t yet turned toward him, but the ravages of her fasting were evident enough. Touch her, smell her, taste her— The instincts were a running river. He fisted his hands at his sides.

Azriel seemed like a decent enough male

He tried to sound casual—comfortable. Even as his heart raced and raced, so swift he thought he might vomit on the very expensive, very old carpet. From Sangravah, if the patterns and rich dyes were any indication. Rhysand was many things, but he certainly had good taste. This entire place had been decorated with thought and elegance, with a penchant for comfort over stuffiness.

An ache like a blow to the chest went through him, but he crossed the rug. Forced his hands to be steady while he poured himself a cup of tea and sat in the chair opposite Nesta’s vacated one. “There’s a plate of biscuits. Would you like one?”

he couldn’t breathe as she faced him fully. She was the most beautiful female he’d ever seen.

Her eyes were the brown of a fawn’s coat.

“I am Lucien. Seventh son of the High Lord of the Autumn Court.” And a whole lot of nothing. He’d told the shadowsinger all he knew—of his surviving brothers, of his father. His mother … he’d kept some details, irrelevant and utterly personal, to himself. Everything else—his father’s closest allies, the most conniving courtiers and lords … He’d handed it over. Granted, it was dated by a few centuries, but in his time as emissary, from the information he’d gathered, not much had changed. They’d all acted the same Under the Mountain, anyway. And after what had happened with his brothers a few days ago … There was no tinge of guilt when he told Azriel what he knew. None of what he felt when he looked toward the south—toward both of the courts he’d called home.

He fought against the bristling rage, the irrational urge to find the male who’d claimed her and shred him apart. The words were a rasp as he instead said, “I know. I’m sorry.”

He paused right between them and said to me, to Nesta, “She needs fresh air.” / “We’ll judge what she needs.” I could have sworn his ruby hair gleamed like molten metal as his temper rose. But it faded, his russet eye fixing on me. “Take her to the sea. Take her to some garden. But get her out of this house for an hour or two.” Then he walked away.

“Mother above,” Lucien said, dragging a hand through his hair.

Lucien had offered to make himself useful while we were gone by reading through some of the texts now piled on the tables throughout the sitting room.

But I will say that Lucien is loyal—fiercely so.”

It wasn’t just about what he thought—it was the … feeling. I sensed no ill will, no conniving. Only concern for her. And … sorrow. Longing

Cassian had come off the roof at some point to join Lucien in the sitting room, the books from the wall spread on the low-lying table between them

It felt like days ago. I rested my head against the embroidered back of the chair and watched Lucien take a seat on the rolled arm of the nearest couch. “Long day?” I grunted my response.

He weighed my tone, and crossed his arms. “Let me do something. About Elain. I heard—from my room. Everything that happened just now. It wouldn’t hurt to have a healer look her over. Externally and internally.” I was tired enough that I could barely summon the breath to ask, “Do you think the Cauldron made her insane?” “I think she went through something terrible,” Lucien countered carefully. “And it wouldn’t hurt to have your best healer do a thorough examination.”

“Please tell me,” Lucien said when I crossed the threshold into the foyer. “What the healer says. And if—if you need me for anything.”

Madja didn’t deign to answer Nesta until we were at the bottom of the steps. Lucien was already waiting in the sitting room, Mor still lingering in the dining room. Both of them rose to their feet.

Lucien muttered something about not needing to be monitored, and we all looked at him with raised brows. He just lifted his hands, claimed he wanted to freshen up, and headed down the hall.

The sound seemed to startle Elain, who swiftly set down her teacup. She rose to her feet, and Lucien shot to his. “I’m sorry,” he blurted. “What—what was that?” “It—it was a tug. On the bond.” / Then Nesta was standing in the threshold. “What did you do.” The words were as sharp as a blade. Lucien looked to her, then over to me. A muscle feathered in his jaw. “Nothing,” he said, and again faced his mate. “I’m sorry—if that unsettled you.” Elain sidled toward Nesta, who seemed to be at a near-simmer. “It felt … strange,” Elain breathed. “Like you pulled on a thread tied to a rib.” Lucien exposed his palms to her. “I’m sorry.”

“And I got to Elain’s end of it when she ran off.” “Did you sense anything?” “No—I didn’t have time. I felt her, but …” A blush stained his cheek.

Lucien’s attention slid behind me, to the various letters on different styles and makes of paper. That golden eye narrowed. As Tamlin’s emissary, he no doubt recognized them. “Let me guess: they said yes, but picking the location is now going to be the headache.” Mor frowned. “Any suggestions?” Lucien tied back his hair with a strap of brown leather. “Do you have a map?”

Lucien had indeed given us an initial location, and several more when those were struck down. But that was to be expected, Lucien had said, as if he’d arranged such things countless times. Rhys had only nodded in agreement—and approval.

Especially since Lucien had left before breakfast for a library across the city to look up anything in regard to fixing the wall, a task I’d been more than willing to hand over. I might have felt guilty for never giving him a proper tour of Velaris, but … he seemed eager. More than eager—he seemed to be itching to head into the city on his own.

Lucien, stationed by the front window, turned from watching the street. Monitoring it. A sword and dagger hung from his belt. No humor, no warmth graced his face—only fierce, grim determination.

“I’ll go.” Lucien was staring at Elain as he spoke. We all looked at him. Lucien shifted his focus to Rhys, to me. “I’ll go,” he repeated, rising to his feet. “To find this sixth queen.” / “What makes you think you could find her?” Rhys asked. Not rudely, but—from a commander’s perspective. Sizing up the skills Lucien offered against the risks, the potential benefits. “This eye …” Lucien gestured to the metal contraption. “It can see things that others … can’t. Spells, glamours … Perhaps it can help me find her. And break her curse.” He glanced at Elain, who was again studying her lap. “I’m not needed here. I’ll fight if you need me to, but …” He offered me a grim smile. “I do not belong in the Autumn Court. And I’m willing to bet I’m no longer welcome at h—the Spring Court.” Home, he had almost said. “But I cannot sit here and do nothing. Those queens with their armies—there is a threat in that regard, too. So use me. Send me. I will find Vassa, see if she can … bring help.” / “You will be going into the human territory,” Rhys warned. “I can’t spare a force to guard you—” “I don’t need one. I travel faster on my own.” His chin lifted. “I will find her. And if there’s an army to bring back, or at least some way for her own story to sway the human forces … I’ll find a way to do that, too.” My friends glanced to each other. Mor said, “It will be—very dangerous.” A half smile curved Lucien’s mouth. “Good. It’d be boring otherwise.”

Lucien had indeed been studying all those maps lately. Perhaps at the quiet behest of whatever force had guided us all. My mate added, “Thank you.” Lucien shrugged. And it was that gesture alone that made me say at last, “Are you sure?” He only glanced at Elain, whose face was again a calm void while she traced a finger over the embroidery on the couch cushions. “Yes. Let me help in whatever way I can.”

I asked Lucien, “When do you want to leave?” “Tomorrow.” I hadn’t heard him sound so assertive in … a long time. “I’ll prepare for the rest of today, and leave after breakfast tomorrow morning.” He added to Rhys, “If that works for you.”

Cassian had given him free rein yesterday afternoon to loot his personal cache of weapons, though my friend had been economical about which ones he’d selected. The blade, plus a short sword, plus an assortment of daggers. A quiver of arrows and an unstrung bow were tied to his pack.

“You know precisely where you want Rhys to take you?” I asked at last. Lucien nodded, glancing to where my mate now waited by the front door. He’d bring Lucien to the edge of the human continent—to wherever Lucien had decided would be the best landing spot. No farther, Azriel had insisted. His reports indicated it was too watched, too dangerous. Even for one of our own. Even for the most powerful High Lord in history.

“It was time,” Lucien said quietly, giving me a squeeze. “For me to do something.”

Rhys extended a hand to Lucien. Lucien studied it—then my mate’s face. I could nearly see all the hateful words they’d spoken. Dangling between them, between that outstretched hand and Lucien’s own. But Lucien took Rhys’s hand. That silent offer of not only transportation.

Their gazes locked and held. / Lucien inclined his head in a bow, the movement hiding the gleam in his eye—the longing and sadness.

“I—heard the rumors and assumed Lucien Vanserra would be residing there after … what happened.” She still didn’t look at Tamlin, who remained silent and brooding. “I managed to contact him a few days ago—asked him to send samples. He did—and did not tell you,” she added quickly to Rhysand, “because he did not want to raise your hopes. Not until I’d found a solution.” No wonder he’d been so eager to head alone into Velaris that day he’d gone to help us research. I shot a look at Rhys. Seems like Lucien can still play the fox. Rhys didn’t look at me, though his lips twitched as he replied, Indeed.

The Lady of Autumn’s favorite son—not only from Lucien’s goodness. But because he was the child she’d dreamed of having … with the male she undoubtedly loved.

His power is flame, though. They’ve mused Beron’s title could go to him. His mother’s family is strong—that was why Beron wanted a bride from their line. The gift could be hers.

Other than the fact that Lucien might be Helion’s sole heir.

“Lucien,” I breathed. “Who?” Drakon’s brows narrowed. “Oh, the male with the eye. No. He met up with them later on—told them where to go. To come now, actually. So pushy, you Prythian males.

Lucien, haggard and bloody, panting for breath. As if he’d run from the shore. His gaze settled on Elain, and he sagged a little.

“Are you hurt?” he asked, coming toward us. Spying the blood speckling Elain’s hands.

“Well, I never want to fight in another battle as long as I live, but … yes, I’m in one piece.” A faint smile bloomed on Elain’s lips. But Lucien noticed that scorched patch of grass behind us and said, “I heard—what happened. I’m sorry for your loss. All of you.”

“I’ve got one hell of a story to tell you,” he said, squeezing me tightly. “And don’t be surprised if Vassa corners you as soon as the ships are sorted. And the sun sets.” “Is she really—” “Yes. But your father, ever the negotiator …” / “The human queens are still out there,” I said. Maybe I’d hunt them down. “Not for long—not if Vassa has anything to do with it.” “You sound like an acolyte.” Lucien blushed, glancing at Elain. “She’s got a foul temper and a fouler mouth.” He cut me a wry look. “You’ll get along just fine.” I nudged him in the ribs. But Lucien again looked at that singed grass, and his blood-splattered face turned solemn. “He was a good man,” he said. “He loved you all very much.”

Elain fell into step beside me, peering at Lucien. He noticed it. “I heard you made the killing blow,” he said.

I said to him, “So where now? Off with Vassa?” I wondered if he’d heard of Tamlin’s role—the help he’d given us. A look at my friend showed me he had. Someone, perhaps my mate, had informed him. Lucien shrugged. “First—here. To help. Then …” Another glance at Elain. “Who knows?” I nudged Elain, who blinked at me, then blurted, “You could come to Velaris.” He saw all of it, but nodded graciously. “It would be my pleasure.”

Tamlin just shook his head, loathing simmering in his green eyes, and walked past. Not a word. I looked at Lucien in time to see the guilt, the devastation, flicker in that russet eye.

But Lucien remained standing with us as Tamlin found his place in the sitting room to our right. Did not glance at his friend even once. Lucien wasn’t foolish enough to beg for forgiveness.

I didn’t dare look through the ruined doorway to where Lucien now stood in the sitting room, close to Elain’s side

Lucien had remained behind to help with any of the human wounded still needing Fae healing

Another tidbit that Lucien had told us.

Send Lucien then. As our human emissary.

"Where's our dear friend Lucien?" "Off hunting for dinner."

"You brought presents". "It's Solstice tradition here, but isn't it?"

An uncontrollable instinct - for a male to eliminate any threat. But he remained sitting. Even as his fingers dug into the arms of his chair

Somehow in living with Jurian and Vassa in the manor, he'd run into Elain's former betrothed. And managed to leave the human lord breathing.

The corded muscle of his forearm shifted beneath the fine silk of his sapphire jacket.

"He is a good male", I repeated.

He raised his fist to the door, but the wooden slab pulled away before he could touch it. Lucien’s scarred, handsome face appeared, his golden eye whirring. “I thought I sensed someone else arriving.”

The male had grown up alongside Eris. Had dealt with Eris’s and Beron’s cruelty. Had his lover slaughtered by his own father. But Lucien had learned to keep his cool.

He had to give Lucien credit: the male was somehow able to move between his three roles—an emissary for the Night Court, ally to Jurian and Vassa, and liaison to Tamlin—and still dress immaculately.

“Easy,” Lucien said. Cassian snarled. “Easy,” Lucien repeated, and flame sizzled in his russet eye. The flame, the surprising dominance within it, hit Cassian like a stone to the head, knocking him from his need to kill and kill and kill whatever might threaten—

“No. But we need to summon Lucien,” Azriel said, just a shade tightly, as if he didn’t like it one bit. “We need to tell him the news, and permanently station him at the Spring Court to contain any damage and to be our eyes and ears.”

Cassian’s heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien’s face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing.

[lizaluvsthis]

Hey Liz, how are you doing?

What are your favorite headcanons for Smg34??

(btw I luv your art <3)

I'm Fine. :)

Thank you! I love people's arts too :>

My favorite SMG34 Headcanons are...

SMG4 is very much the oblivious sun pair with three as the tsundere pining moon.

Three does better cooking than smg4 but he teaches for some ways so that he wouldn't always have to rely the cooking for him.

SMG4 shows three some funny memes to where sometimes he may or may not understand the humors of it but still smiles. (He appreciates it)

SMG4 is the big spoon and three is the small spoon

SMG4 is a slight inch taller than SMG3

When three skips a shower a day, Four would overreact and will demand Three to take a bath.

When one of them feels sad, they cuddle up each other and talk out some stuff (comfort leading to laughter)

SMG4 would brush Three's long hair because he loves how wavy it is

Despite Three annoyed with Four's teasing from his hair, he allows him to pat his head.

They both dont like public affection so they do it on their own time in private.

Three does find fashion interesting and organizing stuff properly while Four finds memes funny and has some- sense of humor

SMG4 would tease three and he would fluster up from his words.

There are some times four would flirt as always, there are some other times that Three flirts back making Four blush.

Three lets four do his long hair (either braid, ponytail, half ponytail, or pigtails)

Three is the first to come out as pansexual before SMG4 did.

SMG4 is rarely aware if three really is pansexual

SMG3 figured four was bisexual after 2020

SMG3 has black nails while SMG4 only has plain ones

SMG4 does feel a bit heart touched when he get some times where Three treats Eggdog as his son.

They both listen to mitski or cavetown sometimes

Three likes opera meanwhile Four just likes memes

SMG4 would sometimes stare at Three's lips while he sleeps, SMG3 would always stare at four's eyes

Red resembles love and compassion, so four would sometimes bring Three a red rose or two in special occassions.

They both sometimes forget their anniversary but they still make it up for each other.

In a movie theatre when watching. SMG3 and SMG4 would be paying attention to the screen, next by step- Four starts to gain on his senses and ends up staring at Three for a couple or a few minutes. (He loves how three would express his own emotion because he rarely does it.)

SMG4 likes to blow bubbles while Three sometimes uses cigarettes

Coping mechanisms. Four edits his videos, Three would stream and play games on his twitch chat.

Four would sometimes watch Three's twitch stream while he plays and leaves anonymous replies (a joke or something else to vibe with three making him have fun for a bit)

In some other times when three is near four, he could smell that his hair stinks and may had said that out loud to him to the point he went outrageous and left.

Since four doesn't know how to deal with emotions, he searches stuff from google about hair products that would go alright with three. (He thinks as a good helping hand friend- you get to also care with hygiene)

SMG4 felt really bad for three judging with his low self doubt on himself

But now four finally understands, he wants to change.

SMG4 has Autism (for misunderstanging people's emotions)

SMG3 has Adhd (getting a little bit distracted)

SMG4 stays by his side so that they both don't get separated.

SMG3 keeps four safe by putting him to safety first before he takes care of himself

SMG4 may not have did much for three but he still loves to annoy him with kindness and goofyness

SMG3 is the one to carry four in bridal style (even tho it was supposed to be four)

SMG4 does his daily routine where when he wakes up, brushes his teeth, and use shaving cream.

Tho SMG3 does the opposite. He wakes up to make his own morning coffee and take care of the cafe and his eggdog.

[I'll keep on updating as much as possible if theres any other stuff]

[sweet-villain]

Right By Your Side~ Eddie Munson 

munsonmolls asked:

Right so I was thinking (scary) what about a fic with Eddie and reader. They’ve been together for years and one day there’s a knock at their door saying that Eddie has a son and that everyone on the mums side can’t take it so Eddie has to or it’ll go up for adoption because the mum died by OD and reader and Eddie raise it and they do a really good job and the baby loves them and calls them mum and dad

m-rae23~randomstory56~palomam18~figmentofquinn~ hqtetsurou~gloomybrieyxb~irish-newzealand-idian-dutch~ slightlyvicked

The baby cooed in Eddie's arms as he held it looking down at his son with mirror brown eyes. He never imagined being a father this soon. He hadn't even heard a word out of you as you sat there stiff as a rock on his couch.

This morning was nothing but bittersweetness of waking up to Eddie by your side. He had the day off of work today. You had him all to yourself all day. His mane of curls spread like a halo around his head, little snores escaped from him as he laid on his back with his mouth a jar. One hand was on his stomach while the other was behind the pillow but his face was turned to you. He came home late from work last night and could barely have energy for a shower.

You helped him take one before he went to bed, washing his mane of curls and washing his body. He kept dozing off in the shower, laying his head on your shoulder mumbling how lucky he was.

It felt surreal that he had a son. All of this was sprung onto both of you. Your eyes remained on the opposite of the couch with your hands gripping the end, digging your nails and mind a blur. How? What?

Eddie's brown doe eyes locked on you. He began to grow worry not hearing you say anything at all.

" Sweetheart?" he calls out to you but you don't respond. Eddie swallows the lump in his throat. He was surprised, excited and shocked that it was his responsibility to take care of his son. He didn't even know from the start that he was a father.

He makes his way over to you and sits besides you as he holds the baby in his arms. You can hear it coo at him. You always wanted to be the first one to have a child with Eddie. You both talked about baby names for the future and raising a little one. He wanted a little fire cracker that looked like you, but with his personality. He talked about teaching the little nugget, guitar and sing to them. He has no idea how this makes you feel and he's getting more worried by the minute.

" Baby?" he calls out to you again, a small whimper escapes from him thinking this is it. He messed up with this and he was going to lose you. Your head turns to glance down at his son in his arms, seeing the little blue head on his head with those brown eyes that are a match with Eddie's. You see his son has his nose too.

Your mouth goes dry seeing the cute little sight of the little nugget. Tears fill your eyes. You close them not wanting to cry in front of your boyfriend.

" Baby, no" Eddie notices the little twitch of your nose and sees the one tear running down your cheek. " oh, sweetheart.." he is trying to get you to talk to him, anything. His own words at the tip of his tongue as he's fighting his emotions.

It was only this morning when there was a knock on the door and you were in the bathroom, brushing your teeth when you open the door to find a sleepy Eddie make his way to the door. His sweats hung on his hips, his chest bare and his curls distraught as his bed hair with one hand rubbing his eye. As soon as he opened the trailer door, you heard voices. Your eyebrows knitted together, spitting out the toothpaste into the sink and rinsing your mouth as you put the tooth brush back.

" Mr. Munson, you're the only one left to take care of this baby. The mother is deceased. There is no one left, we have tried everything. If you don't want the baby then it will have to go up for adoption."

Your ears picked up the words, baby, only one and adoption. Your eyes widen when you saw Eddie hold a blue blanket and hear the sounds of the baby. Eddie's eyes are wide and in disbelief.

" Me?" the woman talking to him, nodded her head. " Yes, you. You're the father."

Father. Eddie was a dad.

Your heart sank in your stomach as you stood behind him, not knowing what to say. The woman's eyes fall on you then looks back at Eddie.

" I need an answer Mr. Munson"

" It-ts Ed-die" his breath hitched hearing the baby coo at him. But the hairs on his neck and on his arms stand up feeling your presence behind him. He doesn't know how to respond, but manages to say, " okay."

The woman had him sign some paperwork, your vision blurred as you stumble back. Your heart raced. You got chills down your spine and you felt like you were dreaming. Eddie had a son. Not your baby.

You haven't moved from the couch since the baby was brought to Eddie. He continue to sit by you and waited, he hoped that you weren't going to leave him because of this. He didn't know.

Your eyes opened to look at him for the first time today and you saw he was struggling, his brown doe eyes were glassy but you could see the fear in them.

Your hand placed on his leg making his body stiff.

" You're not alone in this" his heart felt like it could jump out of his chest at your words. You were okay with this. " It hurts, a lot that he's not mine. But if you have to take care of him, I'll be by your side helping you in anyway I can."

Tears ran down Eddie's cheeks as he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

" He's cute" you mumble, leaning onto Eddie's shoulder with your head on his shoulder smiling at the little nugget. " But one day, Munson. Promise me, we can create our own family?"

" I promise, sweetheart" he turns his head to kiss the crown of your head. " Let's just start with this one, he needs us."

" You'll be a great father, Eds. I know you're scared. I am too, but we are going to do it together."

He nods, " Together."

-

" I'm going to get cha!" you chased the little lion man that giggled, running away from you to Eddie. He latched onto Eddie's legs, hiding.

" You'll have to get through to me first, sweetheart" Eddie kneel down, grabbing the little one in his arms and bringing him close to him.

" I bet I can" you chuckled. " How about we get mama?" your smile dropped hearing him call you that. He never really called you that before.

" Eds..." His own eyes realized what he said as he looks away, ready to walk out the trailer door if he had to.

" I love that" you say. Eddie's head turned his head towards your voice as he sees the huge smile on your face and the love in your eyes as you look at him with the little lion man in his arms. " Mama" you hear the little one say.

" What?" you and Eddie both say together, looking at him. " Did you just call me, Mama?" The little one giggled and clapped his hands, "Mama."

" Oh baby boy" you walked over to Eddie, taking the little lion man in your arms as you placed kisses on his cheek, smothering him on one side while Eddie did the other side. He giggled grabbing onto your hair and Eddie's.

Eddie pulled away with his eyes shining, he was the happiest he has ever been. One day he was going to give you what you wanted, but you were already a mother to his son. He never imagined anyone else.

[pearlsinmyhair]

༄breath of venus༄

chapter 0.5 • happiness is simple

word count: 1.49k

summary: a girl is born from nothing, and her whole life she’s spent trying to become everything her family and clan need her to be. what happens when she’s abducted by long dead soldiers and old ghosts?

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5 years

Keeping eyes on a toddler was no easy task, especially in a forest full of unforgiving creatures waiting for a snack.

Venus had a knack for sneaking away from Neytiri and Jake to explore. Both parents were occupied with their new son, Neteyam. From their childhood they were partners in crime, teaming up together to effectively divert their parents attention.

This time was not like the others. Venus had been gone for hours, Neytiri having gone to follow her. Jake watched as eclipse began to set in, and the gravity of the situation hit him. He gave Neteyam to his grandmother, heading off to track his mate and his eldest daughter.

Neytiri and Jake worried constantly about the little one. They wondered if the forest would be forgiving to her blood, accepting to her kind. Jake now worried if Eywa had finally claimed his little girl, that there would be nothing when the scent he was following reached its end.

When he pulled the brush away, he froze.

Neytiri sat crouched on a rock across from him, staring intently at a large female thanator. Said thanator looked up at him, hissing. A mother with her young. He cocked his head at Neytiri: what are you doing? She tilted her head towards the Palalukan, and Jake caught a glimpse of blue skin amongst the pups.

His heart all but stopped completely.

Venus lay asleep amongst the litter of baby thanators, tucked into the mothers side.

Oh hell no.

Venus’s eyes fluttered open as he contemplated what exactly to do in this situation. She turned her head sleepily, seeing him. She stood on unsteady feet, and the thanator turned to her. She nudged her with her muzzle, pushing her towards him.

Venus walked over to him as if she hadn’t just turned from an apex predator.

“Hey papa.” she said, making grabby hands at him. “I’m sorry. I fell asleep.”

Jake picked her up, pressing her to his chest.

Thank you, Eywa.

“That’s ok, baby girl. That’s ok.”

In those days, Venus always called him ‘papa’ or ‘daddy’. And she was always his baby girl. Kiri would later take that name, but Venus relinquished it with grace, passing it down to her sister like a well loved toy.

Venus was the talk of the clan for weeks. She was palalukan’ite, daughter of the thanator. She played with the pups that she laid with as they grew, much to her parents horror. She collected their baby teeth, and Neytiri fashioned a chocker for her to wear that included them.

Neytiri would later tell Venus about how she rode a thanator during the great battle. It took a lot of convincing to get Venus to promise to never try and ride one.

8 years

Venus proved her connection with Eywa early. She always seemed to be finding a new plant, bringing it to her grandmother and asking about it. Mo’at loved her eldest granddaughter dearly.

It was her idea to make Venus tsakarem. Venus not only possessed a strong connection with Eywa, but also with The People. She reacted well in stressful situations, despite being so young. She loved babies, already present during births and assisting with the handling of healing herbs. The title of Tsakarem was the next step.

She rose to the occasion with poise and dexterity that neither parent knew she had. She was diligent, studious and attentive. She learned quickly and well.

Alongside her spiritual training, Neytiri taught her the ways of the bow. Venus studied it just as hard, becoming formidable.

Jake tried to teach her a gun. She learned, memorizing the weapon clinically. But she did not feel it as she felt her bow. She later told him that she didn’t enjoy the quickness of it. How it left no thought between shots.

Those opinions would later change.

11 years

Jake had awoken to Venus rubbing blue paint into her eyebrows.

It had stunned him, and for a moment he watched quietly. She hissed when the black of the hairs still peaked out, burying her head into her knees and hunching her shoulders.

Jake walked over to her quietly, though the prick of her ears told him that she had heard him.

“Baby, what’s going on?” he asked, sitting behind her and pulling her to him. “You’re taming an ikran today. What’s got you so worked up?”

“I don’t look like a hunter.” came Venus’s mumbled reply.

“How so?”

She rested her head back onto his chest, looking up at him. She pointed to her eyebrows. “I look alien.”

Oh, baby girl.

He pulled her closer, bending down to nudge her forehead with his nose. “You look like me.” he said. She smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes. They had told her about who her parents were a few months ago, and ever since he had noticed how she avoided her reflection.

“I mean, i’m the best hunter in living memory. The biggest cat in the sky.” he whispered, pressing his fingers to her ribs to tickle her. “Toruk Makto.” he said, lifting her up.

She smiled, but the note of sadness in her eyes remained.

His expression softened. “You’ll prove yourself, baby girl. You’ll show everyone just how much you belong. I promise.” he said, pressing his forehead to hers.

Her face relaxed. “Thanks, dad.”

༄

Jake thought he was going to shit his pants.

His eldest daughter stood before a massive male ikran, hissing into his face like he was a kitten to be tamed.

The ikran hissed back, young and spunky. And very irritated at the interruption of his lunch.

Venus lunged.

It felt like an instant. It felt like years. Jake would find out later that it was six seconds. But Venus was sat on top of the beast, grinning at him before leaping off the rookery.

Neytiri nodded to him, teary eyed and proud.

Go with her.

He nodded, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he called for Bob, leaping off the ledge after his eldest.

They chased each other for what felt like hours, weaving in and out between mountains and trees.

It wasn’t until he noticed that she was bleeding that they stopped.

Venus had been knocked against a ledge in the scuffle, and a lesion the size of his pointer finger adorned the right side of her abdomen. It would leave a scar, Mo’at told the girl as she stitched her up.

Venus grinned wildly at him, a taronyu and a makto.

“Then let them see what I have accomplished.”

16 years

Jake had wondered how long it would take until there was a boy.

For years he thought he had escaped the hurdle of conversations about men and courting and mates.

But now he stood at the entrance to their hut, staring at his sixteen year old daughter sob into her mothers chest.

He should have known by the looks that she and Ku’altu had been exchanging, but he had thought nothing of it. When she and a group of teenagers went off for a late night swim, he had told her to be back in a few hours. When she had come back an hour late, he had scolded her and sent her to bed. He watched as she waved the group from the Tawkami clan away, face calm as she thanked them for coming to celebrate her.

“What happened?” he asked, voice grave as he approached his daughter and mate, resting his hand in Venus’s shoulder. Venus took a deep breath, looking at him through teary eyes.

“Last night, Ku’altu and I kissed.” she said. Jake’s ears perked forward. “Did he do something? Did he ask? I swear if that boy-“

“No, dad, no. I wanted him to kiss me. I enjoyed it. That’s not what’s wrong.” she said, pressing her hands into his shoulders to calm his anger. “It’s just that I cant..we cant…” she sighed. “We can’t last. He’s gone. And that’s ok.”

Jake sighed, pulling Venus to him. She cried quietly into his chest. He rested his chin on top of her head.

17 years old

Venus had gathered her siblings together for a story, keeping them occupied as her grandmother gave her own voice some rest.

Her parents had left for date night a few hours ago, and she had promised them that she would keep the kids in line.

Her ears perked up at a soft ‘boom’ from the above. She peered up through the trees, squinting at the glimpse of stars.

“Grandmother?” she whispered as Mo’at pulled Tuk to her. “Go” the woman said, nodding to the trees above them.

Venus scaled branches, climbing until she could see the open sky.

Her stomach dropped.

In the distance, a burning forest. She could hear the distant screams of wildlife. She could smell the smoke. Tears pricked her eyes.

The reckoning had come.

The battle was on once more.

The sky people had returned.

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And just like that, the prologue is over! Now we can jump right in to the story!

~tag list

@lisedanie @avatar4eva

[blueroan-equestrian]

An Old Comrade

This is a mix of a dream and the song born without a heart

The last thing I remember was the sound of the scrap metal Bomb and bright lights. I told that idiot Jake Sully to stay out of the enemy bunkers. But of course he didn’t listen, he never does. So as his captain I had to save his dumb ass again. I should have had him discharged but he had his moments. I know that I was only 19 and he 20, but I was quick to climb the ranks once I joined the army at 17 and 1/2. I was his captain I had given the orders to take a specific route to the target but he thought he knew better. I normally never make promises but I promised that knucklehead’s brother that I would bring him home and I don’t break my promises. That promise I made to a scared, desperate brother… a smart brother who reminded me of my own older brother… one who was murdered. He was why I joined the army. So I dumbly promised to bring him home and I got killed because of it.

I was dead until I wasn’t. I woke in this blue body with some guy talking about revenge for me if I helped them with their vendetta, something I never wanted… but something told me that I had to play along. So I did passively until we came across some what they called Navi that were fucking children and the group were actively threatening them. When Quartreidge hummed, “Ah you’re his.”

Not only were they threatening children but his… I gritted my teeth but tried to stay calm. I was able to brush off the lady man handling the youngest fairy easily without setting off any suspicions. I leaned forward and hoped to whatever power there is that the idiot taught her the codes from our squad as I whispered, “Let the sand settle.” I was trying to tell her to settle and wait. And she did and then a voice called out and was going back with Quartreidge. Then a voice that I recognized chimed in and I piped up “Don’t let the hair on your neck stand up Jake, like in the sand pit!”

Aka be quick, we’re doing the same thing we did in the sand pit. I tossed the child behind me knocked out one holding on the teen girl and went to shoot the others as they had now caught on and luckily an Adult man and the woman were able to help push out the other. The woman didn’t make a move to harm me but she kept her bow armed and the male gestured for her to lower the weapon, “Captain?”

It was Jake’s voice, my eyebrows shot up,“knuckle head? Damn look at you!”

Jake came over to me and crushed me in a bear hug, “Neytiri come meet my old squad leader and Captain, (y/n). (Y/n) was a great leader and saved my behind more than once.”

“I wouldn’t have had to if you had the capability to follow a simple order and I also wouldn’t have been blown up if you had just listened just once.”

Whispers from the boy with his sides shaved, “Dad didn’t fallow orders? He got someone killed?”

Neytriri chuckled, “She’s feisty, I like her. But forgive me, but you don’t look much older than our oldest son. How could you have been to war with my husband? I hope you don’t mind me asking.”

“I was 19 when I died…. They… those people… put me in this body… I don’t know how… they thought I would be angry with what happened… enough to want Jake dead… but clearly they didn’t do their research on me because even if I was…”

“You never allowed the children to be harmed if you could help it. (Y/N) wasn’t like anyone I had ever met before on earth… well maybe Tommy but just different.” Jake finished.

The boy with the full head of braids stepped up, “Dad? You know her? She was with them. What is happening?”

“I will explain later, and you will also have to explain yourself, but right now we need to get to safety. (Y/n), if you like you can come with us. I know it’s not like anything we ever knew before…”

“Thanks Jake… but I don’t know the first thing about this place.”

“That’s okay, neither did I at first. But you haven’t just saved my life repeatedly but now my children. We will teach you to be one of the people.”

Neytiri came up to me and hugged me. I stiffened as this kind of affection from strangers was a foreign concept for me. “Come, if Jake trusts you, so will the clan.”

… after a briefing on the structure of the clan and its culture

“You can barrow some of my clothes until we can teach you how to make your own.” Neytiri says as we stepped into a large hut.

“It’s the best way to fit in.” Jake says standing next to me, “we can help get it on.”

“I am comfortable in what I have on. Well if I cropped the pants into shorts and just wear my undershirt I will be good.”

“It’s definitely something that takes getting used to. I remember when Jake switched to our clothing, he wouldn’t stop picking at it.” Neytiri chuckled at the memory.

“It will be good for you to fit in.” Jake coaxed.

“And I am good with what I have. I have enough to get used to, like being brought back from the dead after my dumbass corporal got me blown up. Not to mention I am in a body that’s not my own… I am good with my clothes. But I am okay with the bare feet thing. I never liked shoes anyway.”

Jake wrapped an arm around me and squeezed, “Alright for now. But can we agree to at least make the traditional clothing so when you are ready, you will already know how to do it?”

“I have no objections to that… I can’t believe you learned another language and culture… I am proud of you. I’m sure Tommy is too.”

Jake had a sad look in his eyes as he says, “I think he would be too… Tommy was murdered, but if he could see me now I think he would be proud too. So how about we get some sleep and in the morning I will take you out to hunt. That will be the most important thing for you to learn… while we do that we will try to help you learn the language.”

… the language was difficult and Jake was the leader of the clan so he was a busy man. He always tried to be there for all the beginnings of any training but he couldn’t be there for all of it so his oldest son eagerly volunteered. Neteyam was only a year younger and quite the charmer and eager to hear stories about his father. I followed behind Neteyam as he spoke slowly in his native tongue, he was careful to keep a pace I could keep up with. We were practicing my comprehension and language skills today. Today the topic seemed to be on my upcoming initiation and pick of an Ikran. I can’t say I was enthusiastic about the Ikran thing… I barely am able to walk through the trees without freaking out about the height. Neteyam stepped into a clearing and seeing where we were, I realized he wasn’t talking in future tense but rather present tense. I tried to pivot on my heels and there was Jake. I glared and muttered, “you ass.”

“I know you don’t like heights but the captain I knew would forget her fear of heights when called upon. I know you can do it. The first time is the scariest part. You will be a natural. Neteyam told me that you have really been excelling with everything else. You got this.” Jake says planting a hand on either side of my shoulders.

“He’s being too kind. I thought we said we would do this next week… this is why he brought this topic up in Navi.”

“It worked you understood enough to know what he was talking about but not enough to get worked up.” Jake leaned over, “Don’t think about it, it’s always worse in your head than it actually is.”

“If I die because of this I am adding this to your tally.”

“Sure, now go get ‘em captain.” He chuckled.

And that is when I found Daisy, my Ikran.

…

“(Y/n), I think we need to leave for the safety of the clan… which means we need you to fully adapt including the clothes.” Jake says sitting me down.

I groaned, “fine but can you please help me with the tail… I have already tried before and I can’t figure out if I am doing it wrong or just not used to it.”

He agreed and he helped me tie the loin cloth and then handed me something like an infinity scarf. “Here, I know you like to be a little more covered, so I made you this… it goes around your body twist it over your neck to secure it… finish dressing and then start packing. We will meet for dinner and then call for our Ikrans and go.”

“Thank you Jake.”

….

The flight was long and tiring. It was so long that the giddy feeling that I get from flying left my body and left me numb. I was too drained to care about the voice when we arrived and the way they spoke with a cutting edge. I just stood close to Jake and let him do the talking. This Jake is much more put together than he was before.

Neteyam stood to my right and was shoulder to shoulder with me. I could see him mimicking his father’s stance. Even in tense situations he wanted nothing more than to be like his father. I found it sweet, the father he knows now is someone to admire. Neteyam has already surpassed his father when I had known him in the army so I predicted he would do the same for this Jake too. Neteyam doesn’t believe that is possible but I told him every father’s dream is for their son to surpass them one day. After all if the child surpasses the parent then they have done their job.

We were allowed in and I was more worried than ever. I barely knew the language and if they were to find out I was more of an outsider than they knew. Will I ever learn their ways? I sat alone amongst the stars and watched them sparkle from the beach. Jake, and his family came to sit with me. Tuk was the first to speak, “Dad said today is your birthday! Happy birthday!”

I looked at Jake and shrugged, “Is it really? I suppose it’s been about three months since I have been in this body I only had three months till my birthday when I died… I guess it is… strange how time is almost nonexistent here. What a whirlwind of a day for a birthday.” I hummed.

Tuk leaned against me and I pulled her close. She seemed so pure. She pointed to Neteyam “in two more months Neteyam will be 19. Your birthdays are close together.”

I chuckled, “Yeah? Back home you would finally be done with school… if you didn’t drop out or skip ahead by taking the GED test like I did and would be expected to become a contributing member of society.”

“Same here. If we were back home he would have been allowed to start courting for a mate. But given time he will earn his place here too. You will find someone too. You are too amazing to be left alone Captain, the boys will be swarming just like back home.” Jake teased bumping his shoulder into mine playfully.

I accidentally let a loud laugh escape my lips, “I don’t know about that… I’m okay alone. I got too many demons running in my head.”

“I think that you are great.” Neteyam piped up.

I give him a soft smirk, “Thanks kid.”

There was the smallest fleck of hurt in his eyes but I brushed it off as him not liking me calling him kid as technically we are just a little over a year apart if we go by consciousness time.

The next morning I was walking with Lo’ak down for the lessons we were to attend. Lo’ak was definitely like the Jake I once knew. Fiery and a little rash like he was. I was snacking on some berries that I had gathered earlier when Lo’ak says something that has me choking on little berries. “You know he likes you, you know, don’t you?”

“What? Who?”

Lo’ak rolls his eyes, “Neteyam.”

“No, you’re brother just idolizes your father and I’m just someone close to him from his past.”

Lo’ak stopped, “after you guys went back to the canopy, Neteyam and I stayed back and…he just lost it. He thinks the world of you.”

“Not me the idea of what your father sees in me. Your brother is seeking out your father’s approval and I clearly have that and so he has misplaced those feelings.” I shrugged.

Lo’ak growled, “No, you’re not listening! He likes you. You’re all he talks about. The day you came into our lives he would tell me how pretty, sweet, brave and smart you are.”

“I saved you guys the day I met you … it’s transference.”

Lo’ak did that hiss his mother does when she is frustrated with Jake and walks off. I let it go.

When the boys got into a fight with Aonung and his friends I barked out with my best Navi language and old Captains voice that demanded attention. “Enough! Line up now!” They did, “Stand up straight! Now someone care to explain why the fuck you are rolling around on the ground, fighting like little girls?”

Lo’ak practically jumped forward to explain. I sauntered over to stand in front of Aonung, “Well boy is it true?”

“Well…”

“Yes or no boy! It’s not that hard!” I barked.

“Yes.”

“Not a good look for the future chief of the clan. Bullying someone so much smaller than you. Does the little lady scare you, boy?”

“No!” Aonung replied indignantly.

“Well you sure fooled me. Perhaps you owe Kiri an apology… don’t you agree?”

He nodded, “I am sorry for my behavior Kiri.”

Jake didn’t like how I handled it and made Lo’ak apologize and when Aonung sent him into a sticky situation I told Jake it was his fault.

….

When Kiri had her seizure I had rushed to the family canopy to find Jake’s friends from his time in the science building. Luckily Ronal had already saved Kiri by the time I had heard what had happened and came back. I was out on my own because I was feeling the tension of the boys and me and thought we needed space. But we clearly had issues here “Jake? How are they here?”

“I radioed them.”

“You idiot! Why don’t you just radio RDA and surrender yourself while you’re at it.” I growled. When he tried to act confused I clarified, “Radio waves can be tracked to a degree!”

The realization hit and he started to panic, “I… I just wanted to help Kiri.”

“Well did they fix her?”

“No Ronal did.”

I absolutely lost it, “You couldn’t have started there? Jake I thought you changed! I thought you started to think things through! You are just repeating the same stupid shit you did when you got me blown up!”

“Kiri was sick!”

“And there are clearly healers here! We need a plan. We need to get ahead of this!”

… four months later we for now have resolved the issue and things were rocky. I now often find myself staying to myself and sleeping on the beach. Neteyam came out and sat next to me on the beach. “Hey… will you be coming back home? Dad is really sorry and he misses you.”

“I don’t know… a lot has happened… I just… feel so frustrated. I have all these conflicting feelings and until I get them sorted I think it’s best I keep my distance.”

Neteyam scooted closer to me as I gazed at the sky. “Wouldn’t it be easier to talk to him?”

I chuckled, “I suppose but you know as well as I do that is a lot easier said than done.”

“Well what if I go with you? I could help you talk it out.”

That was the first time I saw Neteyam as more of a man than as my comrades kid. He was mature when I was feeling juvenile. Earth never allowed for me to have any time to develop emotionally like I have seen here. Sure they still have to learn to survive but there’s a softness to it. “Neteyam… you have become quite the grown man.”

He chuckled, “I have been for a while now. You just haven’t been paying attention.”

“Oh and what else did I miss?” I teased.

Leaning forward so that he was just a breath away, “How about how much I adore you. How much of a good mate I would be for you…”

I pulled back as I stiffened up. I don’t know why I even asked that. Lo’ak had told me Neteyam had feelings but I couldn’t of imagined this. The word mate here is like earths married couple but they are permanent here. He was talking about it like a lifetime decision was nothing… a no brainer. Something you just jump into… sure we have spent time training but that’s nothing to compare to being with someone. I felt the need to run so I took the only thing I could think of. “I think you are right, I should talk things out with Jake… but by myself.” I quickly got up and walked away to find Jake.

I pulled him to a secluded area and my face must’ve said everything because he asked, “is everything okay?”

“No yes… I don’t know too many things are happening at once. I don’t know it’s all so much and I just need my friend so I guess this part has been made easier in a way.. Jake…I’m sorry I got so mad at you I don’t know what came over me… but it was like I was back in that war… when you were so careless. I know that you didn’t intend to do anything so stupid.”

“It’s okay, I get it… I was really an idiot and even more so back then. I can see that it brought you back… back when I got you blown up… now what do you need your friend for?”

“Well… started with your son asking for me to come talk things through with you.”

“But that’s not what got you all freaked out… is it?”

“No… let’s just skip to the end Neteyam made a comment about him being a good mate for me. Back on earth I probably wouldn’t have batted an eye. Marriage was never something that it is here… and he is your kid and I don’t know how he got to wanting that level of commitment. We have never been around each other outside the trainings and your family stuff. So where is that coming from? I don’t understand… that’s such a big thing for you guys and he barely knows me.”

Jake thought for a moment, “Tell me… what exactly has you so freaked out about him wanting to be your mate?”

“I… I don’t know… I guess it’s just that I don’t know if I am someone who can be loved…or love the way that he or anyone really deserves…”

Jake nodded, “You don’t feel like you deserve to be loved?”

“Don’t you think that your son deserves better?”

“Captain, you know I think you’re amazing and clearly so does he.” Jake says with a gentleness to his voice.

I shifted and fidgeted as I tried to gather my thoughts, “But how can he know with so little… why me? I don’t know if I could ever reciprocate such feelings.”

Jake nods, “Well some just know…. Others learn to love the mate that was chosen for them.”

I cocked my head to the side, “What are you saying Jake?”

“Would it be so bad to be mated to him?”

My jaw dropped, “Jake! Don’t you want him to have someone who adores him?”

“I want someone who clearly cares for him and you do.”

I groaned, “I care for you and Lo’ak and Kiri and Neytiri are going to say that I should be your mates?”

“No… I am saying… that you over think…and here you need a mate… you care enough about his happiness that maybe that is enough… I know what you went through growing up and I am sorry I brought it up and I won’t do it again… but because of that you don’t know what is out there… maybe take the jump and let him catch you. You deserve to be loved.”

“What about him?” I whispered.

“Let him decide if he’s alright with whatever you have to offer. If you can’t give more… would it be so bad to be mated to him? You at the very least know that you care for him… whether it’s because he’s my son or because he’s someone in your life…. That could be enough. I’m saying I support it, you’re a good person. ”

“So I should just agree to be … his?”

“It is the way of the people… to create Tsaheylu it brings you so much closer. It is a powerful bond and I think it will help you find your own place here. Maybe heal some wounds… and if it doesn’t would it be so bad for you to be bonded to Neteyam?”

“No… but he deserves better.”

“That’s how I know that he’s picked the right one… you want him to be happy and have all the love that he deserves.”

…

I followed him home and we both got into our hammocks and fell asleep. In the morning we sat together for breakfast. Neteyam gave me a soft smile, “I am glad that you have patched things up.”

“So am I… thank you for pushing me…” I whispered.

He nodded, “of course… about last night… I wanted to apologize.”

“Don’t apologize for speaking your truth… we should talk later.”

He nods…

We walked down the sandy beach and I stopped, “I don’t know if I am capable of the kind of love you claim to have for me… I don’t know if I can adore you… I don’t think I am capable of it.”

He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, “I have enough for the both of us.”

“You deserve better.”

“I don’t want better, I want you. Come to Eywa with me.”

He took my hand in his and squeezed. I agreed and we decided rather than going to the water we would fly out to the nearest tree of voices. It was a long flight but it was closer to what he grew up with.

He led me deep amongst the trees and the knelt down. I followed suit unsure of what exactly to expect. I knew this was heavily spiritual for them, but I don’t know what exactly it involves. He ran a hand down my neck, then arm taking my hand in his bringing my fingers to his lips, “Ma Yawne, (my love) I promise to be a good mate to you… to be there for you when ever you need me and give you space when you need it. I will always support you and I know you’re unsure but I will be patient and help you in anyway you need me to.”

I nodded and he reached back and pulled over his shoulder his queue, so I did the same. He closes the distance and the tendrils enter twine. I am filled with this feeling that I can not explain. It was overwhelming and tears began to flow down my face. Then an emotion I was familiar with mixed in… worry he was worried. He took my face in his searching for answers. “What is wrong? What is happening?”

I couldn’t speak as the gasps and sobs were racking through me I braced myself by placing my hands on his shoulders. My eyes widened and my mouth hung open as I explored the feeling. As I found myself able to pull myself together I squeezed my eyes closed. What was this feeling that made my skin feel electric? Was it just the feeling of our nerves being connected? Yes that had to be it… our nervous systems were connected and it must be over stimulating. I focused on that thought and was able to control my breathing enough to compose myself. I looked up at him panting, “I am okay.”

His look of concern only softened, “Yawne, please… tell me what is going on?”

“Neteyam what does Yawne mean?” I asked focusing on the foreign word in hopes of distracting him.

“Yawne means love. You are my love.”

I looked at him confused, “love me, you don’t even know me. Even if you did, what’s there to love?”

Neteyam reached out and stroked my cheek, “I love how when I speak you look at me like I’m telling you the most interesting things. I love how when you talk with dad the two of you laugh like your two kids. I love how you and Kiri just talk when ever she’s frustrated. I love how you let Tuk teach you things even if you already know how. I love how you can goof off with Lo’ak but when needed get him to be serious. I love how you look out for us no matter what. You are so kind and caring. I meant it when I said that I think you are amazing. Now do you want to tell me what is going on?”

I licked my lips, and took a breath, “when we created the Tsaheylu, I was filled with this overwhelming feeling and I have no idea of what it is. I have never felt this feeling before.”

“Oh? I see well… how are you feeling now? Do you want to stop?” He asked gently.

“No… no I’m okay.” I breathed as I reached down to untie my loin cloth knowing that part of mating was to have sex. Reached out and untied his as well. I placed my hand on his chest and tell him, “lay back, baby boy.”

He does and as he lays down he keeps his eyes on me. I take a deep breath and leaned forward to kiss his cock before taking it into my mouth. He bucked his hips instinctively, pushing his member down my throat. I just relaxed my throat as I sucked on him, looking up watching him scrunching his face in pleasure. I sucked and bobbed my head up and down chasing his high.

Before he cummed, he reached down and pulled me off. “I want to cum inside you… can I?”

I nodded and allowed him to flip us to give him more control. I spread my legs open to allow him access to my most intimate parts. He pushes forward and sinks deep inside of me. I groaned loudly bucking my hips searching for a release. I cried out his name as he threw my legs over his shoulders and leaned forward so that my legs were pressed against my chest. I reached around his neck to pull him closer, entangling my fingers into his hair. He laid sloppy wet kisses over my lips, twirling his tongue with mine.

His hips began grinding into mine. I could tell that he was close. “Come on baby, cum inside of me.” I cooed.

He growled, squeezing his eyes shut and shot his seed deep inside of me. The feeling of his ecstasy through the bond triggered my own orgasm. I let out a scream of ecstasy. This feeling was the most erotic feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life. He bit my shoulder as he pumped the last of his essence into me. He collapsed on top of me, still inside me as he panted “Yawne, that was amazing. You are amazing.”

I hummed pulling his hair back as I stroked his hair. “I am glad that you are feeling good. Rest easy sweet boy.”

He kissed my neck, “Sweet dreams Yawne.”

In the morning I woke up before Neteyam. I wriggle out from under him fixed my clothes. I found my bag and dug out something to drink. I pulled out my water bladder and brought it over to Neteyam. I gently woke up and pressed it to his lips, “Here drink this.”

He takes a few big gulps before pulling back, “Thank you Yawne.”

I take a drink myself, “We should get going.”

He looks at me solemnly, “I thought we could stay and listen to the voices… I haven’t been able to do it much since we moved here…”

“Oh… sure we can do that… um… but what exactly do you mean?” I questioned.

He smiled, “Has no one taught you to listen to the voices?”

I smirked playfully, “Well, you were my main teacher so I guess you could say that you really dropped the ball there.”

He chuckled, “Come, let me show you.”

Hearing the voices was beautiful. I wasn’t good enough to be able sort through the intermixed voices and understand but it was something else. “Wow… this is amazing!” He smiled brightly and it was a moment of simple bonding.

When the sun was highest in the sky, I pulled out a couple of large fruits and peeled them before handing one to him and finished peeling my own. He eats his fruit and though I am focused on my own fruit, I could feel his eyes. “You are staring.”

“I can’t help it, you are gorgeous even when you have bed head.”

My immediately one of my hands flew into my hair. Despite going for a flight, I had forgotten to French braid my hair. My hair wasn’t braided like the Sully’s hair is. I like my whispy hair and on days where I have to dive. I put it in a French braid. If I fly out to gather fruits I just tie it back. If I am fixing nets or helping with the sick, I leave it down. Normally I don’t care if I braid it for bed but with where we were going to spend the night and what we were going to be doing I had planned on braiding my hair. “Oh man! It feels all knotted!”

He chuckled, “You really should let me braid your hair.”

“No, I like my hair like this… but can you help me untangle this mess?”

He gestured for me to sit down between his legs and he began to thread his fingers through my hair working the knots out. Once done without being asked, Neteyam braided my hair into two French braids. “There, all done. Beautiful as ever.” He hummed kissing the crown of my head.

I smiled softly and we both flew home where he had a surprise. He walked me to one of the empty, unused canopies. “Tada! I talked to Ronal and she said that we could have this one to start our family!”

Start a family? “I will not be having children.” I said bluntly.

He paused for a moment, “You don’t want kids? Why?”

“I already told you I’m not capable to love. Children need love and I can’t give that.”

He stepped closer, “But…what if you can love?… Dad told me about what you went through…”

“He told you? That’s not his story to tell!” I snapped.

Neteyam placed his hands on my shoulders, “Yawne, I am your husband. He only told me to make sure that I knew what I was getting into.”

“Then it really shouldn’t come as a surprise then that I don’t want children.” I snipped.

“You let me cum inside you last night.”

“Birth control Neteyam. I take birth control, religiously. I don’t want children.”

He nodded, “I understand but can we come back to this in maybe a year?”

“Fine. We can reevaluate in a year but I promise nothing.”

…

We started living in our own space. It was difficult at first but I began to make repairs to our space and built various things for our living space. This lead to it be my responsibility to do this sort of thing for the whole clan, so now I didn’t have to dive. I loved it, I keep my hair however I wanted and I found it relaxing. One of the men would bring us some of their catch. This bothered Neteyam. “Sweet boy, you know that you aren’t able to fish all the time. Now you can go gather other things. Maybe go hunting like you did back home or gather fruit. Or you can give some to your family. Lo’ak eats more than an Ikran.”

“He is flirting with you. Why is he bringing you fish?”

I rolled my eyes, “because now that I am helping maintain the structure of the clan buildings and other little jobs, I can’t help provide for the family in the food department. He is just giving back. You can go gather fruits we like or go hunt like back home. I know you miss it. He knows that I am your mate. Relax, you can have fun now, relax.”

He did that hiss his mother does, “Naaahaaa, I provide for you! I am your mate, I am your husband! He is looking at you like he wants you!”

“He knows I am yours, relax. I found my place and just like your clan back home, this clan helps take care of one another.”

Neteyam scowled but stopped arguing. He just got to work on making dinner, while I worked on putting together a little tub for us. He placed the finished dishes on the small table. I set aside what I had left and joined him at the table. “Thank you for making dinner, Ma Neteyam.” I hummed.

He nodded solemnly but again said nothing. We had been together now for maybe a month or maybe it was two and we had only had sex when we mated, perhaps that was why he was so on edge. Once I finished my food I got up and shut the privacy curtain. “What are you doing?” He asked.

I smiled, “I’m going to go down on you baby, take off your clothes.”

He took his last bite before he quickly wriggled out of his loincloth. He leaned back giving me access to his already hardening cock. I slipped it into my mouth and sucked on it hard. His hands flew to my head pushing me down as he bucked his hips. I whimpered but relaxed my throat to accommodate more of him. His moans of pleasure as he fucked my face had me needing my own release. So I slipped a hand down to untie my own loincloth. I fingered myself which he found hot. His groans grew louder and his length stayed buried deep into my throat until he released his load inside my throat.

He pulled me off him and threw me on our bed. “Legs open, I’m still hungry.”

I threw my head back as I felt tongue swipe up my folds. He eagerly ate me out. I screamed his name each time he made me orgasm, four times in total. Each better than I have ever had before. I laid limp. He kissed up my body until he was hovering above me. I could feel his hard on rubbing against my thigh. I shook my head, “Too much, too much. I can’t please too much.”

He kissed my jaw, “shh, one more time.” With that he pushed into me. I whined, as I clawed at his back. I was seeing stars as he worked my body. He bit my shoulder as he shots his seed into me. He rolled off me and pulled me close. “That felt amazing Ma Yawne.”

….

Neteyam watched me work on the walk way. “Teyam, could you please help me tie this?”

“Of course, Ma Yawne.”

As we begin to spend more time together, the more I found myself feeling more comfortable with him. We were having sex more often and not just for the pleasure but for the intimate connection of it. I even allowed for the bond be made again.

“Teyam…. I… um… I think we need to talk.”

“Oh? What’s up?” He hummed sitting next to me.

“How do you know that you love me?”

He raised his eyebrows, “how do I know that I love you? Uh well you are the first person I want to see when I wake up and the last person I want to see before I go to sleep. Your smile lights up my whole world. You make me feel like sunshine, like warm sand against your skin. When I am without you, you are all I can think about. I crave your touch… I just love you.”

I nodded, “I see… Teyam…. I think I love you. I think this is what I am feeling but I find this feeling confusing.”

He chuckled smiling brightly, “love can be confusing… it’s not like anything else. It’s not easy to identify when you have never had it before… I understand why you were hesitant about it. I am glad that I am the one you chose to love… I love you. I see you.”

I smiled and pressed my forehead to his, “I see you too.”

He laughed, “now can we have a baby?”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, okay. But I don’t know anything about babies.”

Tag list @kenzi-woycehoski @ok-boke

[t3kandson]

Forgetful Memories

Word count; 7,318

Fandom; Monsta X

Pairing; Son Hyunwoo X Reader (Sunyoung) Lee Minhyuk X Reader.

Characters; Son Hyunwoo, Lee Minhyuk, Lee Hoseok, Yoo Kihyun, Chae Hyungwon, Lee Jooheon & IM Changkyun

Warning; Angst, Jealousy, Slight Domestic Violence, Slight Cheating, Slight Suicidal thoughts, Manipulation, Supernatural powers & Sex.

Notes; Happy Birthday Hyunwoo ❤️😘

“But it hurts,” Hyungwon whined pleading with his friend Hyunwoo. “I don’t think you understand what your asking for,” he reply’s patting his friends shoulder. “I do, I know your skills, your power,” Hyungwon whispers eyes widened. “Once they are gone I can’t get them back. Not even if I wanted to,” Hyunwoo said sternly. Hyungwon knew the elder hated using the gift he somehow was thrown upon. All he remembered was waking in the dark underground derelict tunnels of Seoul. Kihyun had found him scared lost alone and his memory’s wiped. The younger had revealed that he somehow had great powers to remove memory’s. Teaching him how to safely remove them for good purposes especially ones that healed broken hearts. “But I don’t know how long I can continue to live with this pain,” Hyungwon said looking pained. “You said a few months and it’s been that now. She’s all I can think of, breathe even,” he added with tears slipping down his face. “Fine,” Hyunwoo relented sitting up as he breathed in deeply. Helping friends when he wasn’t sure losing memory’s including good times was a positive thing. “You know,”, “their is risks I could lose other memory’s,”,”I know,” Hyungwon said desperately cutting him off. “Let me prep,” Hyunwoo said standing to his feet.

Dipping his fingers in to the Frankincense oil, Hyunwoo sprinkles it over Hyungwon. The settling music to relax both their mind settles them both. Another coating of the aroma, the chants fill the air as he press both index fingers to his friends Temple. Rushed memory’s fills his mind, heart warming of love when they first met. The happiness and joy during their time together, before the pain of the break up. Feeling the vibration of pain attack Hyungwon’s body, Hyunwoo focuses on sucking every one out till the last. The pain and anger of the situation befallen him. Images of the room being thrown in fits of rage was horrible to view. It was one of the reasons he hated doing this for people he cared about. Gritting his teeth he abstracted the final memory of his friends pain. Imagining his violet aura he helped to plunge happiness into the cracks of the missing memory. Absorbing the emptiness and confusion that would have occurred. Panting he stepped back as he looked at the relaxed features on the younger’s face. Wobbling slightly he leaned on the wall, Hyungwon’s pain still cursing through him. “You ok?” Hyungwon said with concern. “You not well?” He asked as his hands fell to Hyunwoo’s shoulders. “Tired, long day at work,” he replied being relieved it seemingly was successful. “What was we talking about?” Hyungwon looked at his friend confused. “You was telling me about your work friends wedding that’s coming up,” Hyunwoo slipped out remembering his plus one invite that brought his woes to you. “Ahh yes so it’s clear I need more clothing brought in. Fancy a bit of retail therapy,” he asked bending for a sip of water.

Before Hyunwoo could respond the door opened as their friend Minhyuk arrived, gift in arms. “Happy birthday Hyung,” he said throwing his arm tenderly around Hyunwoo. “Thanks,” he replied bashfully as Hyungwon’s eyes widened in horror. “Hyung I’m so sorry I completely forgot,” Hyungwon leapt up off the sofa, wobbling that Hyunwoo realised he hadn’t fully recovered from his memory alteration. Minhyuk rushed to his side with concern. It was like he knew automatically as he tilted towards the elder. “You ok? you seem like your a little unwell,” He said letting his hands brush along Hyungwon’s forehead. “I’m fine, I think maybe it’s because I haven’t eaten,” Hyungwon said as he forced himself out Minhyuk’s hold. “I will be fine after I’ve eaten something I’m sure,” Hyungwon said as Minhyuk’s eyes brushed Hyunwoo’s sheepish ones. “Call me for that shopping date,” Hyungwon said walking off a little light stepped then normal.

“You took his memory’s of her away didn’t you?” Minhyuk snapped as soon as the door shut. “Minhyuk please,” Hyunwoo said as he walked to the kitchen in the hope liquor would calm his friend a little. “You swore you wouldn’t do that to a friend,” Minhyuk growled following behind. “He was in pain what did you want me to do?” Hyunwoo snapped as he reached for the whisky. “There is a third person in this or do you never care for the person wiped from their mind,” Minhyuk said with pain in his face. “Look, Hyungwon has been harassing me for months. He needed this now, their was plenty of time for a reunion. It just didn’t happen because he’s clearly meant for someone else,” Hyunwoo said filling the glasses. “But those memories she might have cherished,” Minhyuk said much more calmer. “If you was in his mind and saw the pain he was in you wouldn’t have cared for her memory’s,” he said with haunted eyes as Minhyuk breathed in deeply. “He was slowly losing himself, his depression was crippling him,” Hyunwoo said with fear that made a shiver fall upon Minhyuk. “But how are you feeling?” Minhyuk said seemingly given up his fight. “Exhausted like i always am,” Hyunwoo replied passing his friend his drink? “That’s why I got you this,” Minhyuk said passing the gift in his hand to him. “You really didn’t need to,” Hyunwoo said as he started peeling the paper off. “You won’t say that once you’ve opened,” Minhyuk said with excitement. Hyunwoo looked puzzled when he found the brown metal band ring. It looked like costume jewellery from an medieval fancy dress costume. “I saw Kihyun I told him you was exhausted after your sessions. He past me two of these, it means you get strength from me when your weakened,” Minhyuk said smiling as Hyunwoo felt gratitude towards him. “Wow that’s really thoughtful, thanks,” he said as he placed the ring on. Minhyuk showed him his version of the ring. With the twiddling of his fingers Hyunwoo felt a warm rush of energy charge at you. “Wow I felt that,” he said Before looking to his friend concerned. “How do you feel?” Hyunwoo questioned as Minhyuk smiled his way. “Nothing I don’t feel anything. You sure it’s working?” Minhyuk said before looking back to his fingers. “So you don’t feel weakened from passing me your strength?” Hyunwoo said holding on to Minhyuk’s hands lost in the excitement. Sessions of his mind alterations had weakened Hyunwoo each time. The thoughts that he didn’t have to suffer alone brought so much peace.

Moments like this had made him grateful that Kihyun had allowed Minhyuk to be aware of his powers. It meant that their was some one he could confide in, but also that could help when he felt weakened by his powers.

“Please Hyung,” the concerned voice of his friend filled the air as Hyunwoo’s hands fell to his thighs as he closed his eyes to his dilemma. “You was the one who told me to always think of your friends and who they could be removing. What has changed?” Hyunwoo said opening his eyes in the hope to change his friends mind. “She’s in pain hyung, I can’t bare it,” he said with sorrowful eyes. “Minhyuk you know the complications, you have always been against them even when I’ve been the one who couldn’t bare it. Look at Hyungwon just last month,” He said in hope to convince him to drop his pleas. “He abused her, it wouldn’t even be safe to go back,” Minhyuk said with fear. “That makes it worse, how is she to remember the danger she could walk back into,” Hyunwoo said standing to his feet. “Her memory is what keeps her forgiving him. The love she shares it’s like she prays she can change him. He’s going to kill her eventually if she keeps going back,” Minhyuk said with shaky breath. “If you can remove the memory’s, that love…. I will keep an eye on her make sure she doesn’t return back to him,” Minhyuk pleaded. “Your in love with her aren’t you?” Hyunwoo asked, not too sure why his throat burned with those words. “No, I just want to keep her safe I swear,” he replied standing to take his elders hand in his. Minhyuk’s eyes fell into his and Hyunwoo breathed almost in pain at the turmoil he faced. “Fine let me meet her first, I want to analyse everything,” Hyunwoo said with an uneasy feeling. “Hyung but you,” , “have to be discrete I know, I’m not a fool Lee Minhyuk,” Hyunwoo said turning his back on his friend. His mind crusading an attack of fearful consequences he couldn’t explain.

“What if he doesn’t like me?” Sunyoung said with worry as her close friend dragged her towards Hyunwoo’s home. “Babe trust me, he will love you,” Minhyuk said brushing his hands along the straying hair in her eyes. “He’s gently approachable, and you, your amazing,” Minhyuk said as his fingers dragged along her jawline as she smiled her beautiful cat shaped eyes his way. “I forgot I got you a gift,” he said passing her a small box. “What is this Minhyuk,” she said with anticipation. “It’s just something I saw that made me think of you,” he replied as his hands fell to her shoulder. Opening a beautiful Purple Lotus flower broach, it dazzled from the sunlight. “Wow it’s really beautiful,” she said looking between her gift and Minhyuk’s happy eyes. “You are the sweetest,” she added as she leaned up on her toes to place a single kiss on his cheek. “When I saw this I thought how beautiful it would compliment you,” he said taking it from the box. His fingers delicately touching the flower shapes. Stumbling slightly she looked at him with concern. “Baby,” she squealed with worry as she held his arms. “Just it’s such a hot day,” he gasped slightly as she looked to the sun. “Well let’s get out this heat,” Sunyoung smiled. “I haven’t fixed this yet,” Minhyuk said shaking himself off. Piercing the broach into her top, he smiled at her as his fingers raked over it once more. “Aargh,” Sunyoung cried as she dropped her drink, her hands falling to her head. “Sunyoung,” Minhyuk cried out as he threw his arms around her. “What’s up?” He asked with concern as she looked slightly dazed. “Baby?“ he called with his hands cupping her face to look at him. “I don’t know, I don’t think I feel so great you know,” she said looking up at him with sorrow in her eyes. “Let’s get you upstairs, he will be able to help I’m sure,” Minhyuk whispered reassuringly. Looking at his dark calming eyes she nodded before taking his hand to make their way up.

Sunyoung was timid, Hyunwoo could see the tale signs of her abuse. The refusal of eye contact. She seem wary and almost a stench of confusion attacked him. He was feeling all sorts of emotions from her that it was unsettling. Finally understanding why Minhyuk had come despite his feeling of Hyunwoo’s talent he agreed. She didn’t take much persuasion believing that Hyunwoo could use meditation to make her feel stronger. Minhyuk sat opposite them, his anxiety filling the air making Hyunwoo more uncomfortable. “Can you leave us be for a while please. I can feel your concern from here it’s distressing,” Hyunwoo demanded as Minhyuk reluctantly agreed . “It’s ok, your safe,” Hyunwoo says to calm Sunyoung from Minhyuk’s removal. Nodding she relaxed back into the chair as Hyunwoo’s eyes find the broach. Was this a romantic gesture? Was it brought from her former lover? Why did he feel so very unsettled around the object? Shaking his head to dislodge the interrupting emotions he was currently feeling. His fingers dipped into the frankincense. Setting the session up as usual before pressing his fingers to her temple.

A smell of darkness abrupted his nose as he felt suffocated by the intoxicating atmosphere. His body feeling the punches from her former lover. Choking as he struggled under the overwhelming trauma she had experienced. Fighting for the light to bring her peace was hard. Each time he tried to bring it over them both a flash of darkness would attack. Whimpering as she also struggled, fear fell upon Hyunwoo as he fought under the pressure. “Hyung,” you heard from the corner of the room the sound of your worried friend. “Let me help please,” he pleaded rushing towards his elder having re-entered the room. “What do I do?” Minhyuk’s said, his shakey hand over lapping Hyunwoo’s. “Imagine a violet light,” Hyunwoo whimpered as his eyes opened slightly to see Minhyuk obey. Having him by his side seemed to have done the trick, the violent shine fighting easier against the darkness. However, as it finally shone around you, it was like the power was overwhelming, throwing you back. Hitting your head on the Floor by the impact, your eyes briefly saw the same for the others as your eyes shut. What had you done? Had it gone wrong?

Waking up to Changkyun shaking him as he looks relieved from Hyunwoo opening his eyes. “Thank god your ok,” he said stepping back. “What happened?” Hyunwoo spluttered as he sat up to view Jooheon over Minhyuk and Hoseok gently attempting to wake Sunyoung. “We was hoping you could tell us,” Jooheon said as he shook Minhyuk’s unconscious body. “We got a message from Minhyuk telling us to hurry here,” Hoseok said as he seemed to have given up waking Sunyoung. “They’re breathing though,” Jooheon said as Changkyun held his hand to the elder. Standing wearily Hyunwoo took himself to check on the young lady. Fingers falling to her pulse he sighed a breath relief to feel it beating beneath his tips. “I told you they both are breathing, but they look like something knocked them out,” Jooheon spluttered. “The ambulance will be here soon,” Hoseok said reassuringly. Hyunwoo hands fell to Sunyoung’s chest as he shook her knocking the broach that scratched his skin. Yelping he looked to the small bleeding cut as he felt wearily once more. Breathing hard he felt suffocation attack again. But instead of Sunyoung’s memories they was his own.

His eyes falling to her in university, heart racing every time she spoke to him.

Words of arranging their first date, the nerves attacking till they eased of her acceptance.

The warmth in his hand when his hands met hers the first time.

Hyunwoo’s hands fell to his heart as if he was struggling to breathe. “Hyung,” Changkyun cried as his hands rested on his shoulder concerned.

“I love you Sunyoung,” slipped from Hyunwoo’s lips as she was standing outside the door from the date. Her head tilting with confusion as if she misheard. “I’ve loved you since I first met you,” Hyunwoo confessed as his heart beat from the smile on her face. Leaping up towards him her lips fell on his as they kissed for the first time. Though she hadn’t repeated the words back to him, he was happy she had accepted his.

Hyunwoo’s fingers fell upon his lips as he looked at Sunyoung’s sleeping face. Jooheon’s worried features in his view being almost invisible.

Working out at the gym as he struggled with his ever growing manhood when she bent down to tie her shoe laces. The wink in her eyes told him she was teasing him. He was anxious to take her virginity and had put it off. While she thought her hints wasn’t loud enough she became frustrated. “Do I have to initiate everything around here?” She said standing up to raise her beautiful eyes Hyunwoo’s way. The shape of her cat eyes captured her beauty that stole his breath. “What do you mean?” he choked as she chuckled her angelic laughter. “That maybe we should make that next move,” She said brushing her hand down his ripped body. Brushing further his hardened tent in his boxers, he let a moan escape. “What here?” He gasped shocked as he looked around the empty gym. Her deep laughter stole his attention back as she shook her head amused. “Well if you fancy it, but I meant when we get home,” she chuckled.

“I think he’s broken,” Changkyun’s voice pierced attempted to break his memory’s. The concerning voices of his friends falling back to inaudible as his mind continued to race the new memory’s he finally sought.

Door smashing into the wall from Hyunwoo’s desperate passion now he decided to let himself loose on her. Lips, tongues and teeth clashing as their hands couldn’t stop exploring each others body’s. Cradling her, he took her to the bedroom tossing her on the bed. The impact harsh as he apologised before she reassured him she was fine. Tearing each others clothing between hasty kisses that Hyunwoo almost died that second. Her pretty perky breasts standing to attention as he inwardly groaned with how much his cock was strained. Like a crazed animal devouring his prey it wasn’t long before he was between her legs. The feeling of himself being crushed by her walls was making him lose his mind. Her whimpers not helping his impatient state. “Slow down baby,” she whimpered snapping him from his hungry need. Her fingers lacing with his as her eyes hypnotised him as his movements slowed. “Hyunwoo,” she cried as he called her by her name too. “Don’t leave me,” she pleaded as he promised her as he made love to the girl he was crazy about.

“Really what the hell dude,” Hoseok spluttered as Changkyun chuckled. “He’s broken and horny,” Jooheon sniggered amused at Hyunwoo’s apparent erection. But before he could make comment the memory’s continue to flood in.

The pain of the arguments followed the feeling of falling apart. It left Hyunwoo whimpering just from the memory. He could feel the knowledge he was losing her. She had become well known and successful in her career and it felt like he was being left behind. The call of the job that she desperately wanted hit his ears. She didn’t know that he was standing in the hallway from her room. He felt wrong for earwigging, but the minute he heard her excitement he was glad. Sorrow hitting in when she heard the pain fall from knowing she had to leave Seoul. He knew she was crazy in love with him and knew she would sacrifice her career. He loved her too much to let her lose her future, her dreams. Storming the room startling her as she apologised with a promise to call them back. “Baby,” she cried looking at him as she fought to shake her emotions. “We need to talk,” Hyunwoo said hastily, but he knew if he didn’t act while his impulse desire was on fire that second, he knew he never would. “What about,” she said looking at him with the pure devoted love he knew would mess her future up with. “I’m seeing someone,” Hyunwoo inwardly cursed himself for such a horrible excuse. “What,” she said as pain laced her thoughts, horror on her expression as your heart beat so crazy. “I’m leaving you,” he said as he pinched himself, forcing the tears threatening to subside. “What?” She cries walking to him at speed as her hands fall to his collar. “Baby, why you saying this?” she cry’s as Hyunwoo’s conscience begins to struggle. “Because it’s true, you deserve better then me,” he said pushing her from him that she stumbled slightly. His hands reaching to pull her back from falling broke his heart. It was as if by touching her his resolve was faltering. The desire to be greedy to call himself out on his lie and keep her to himself was high. But he had to sacrifice the relationship they had for her career. He placed her sobbing body on the bed as he choked back a tear turning to walk away. Her overwhelming confusion tear filled face haunting him.

“Where is this bloody ambulance,” Hoseok cursed as tears began falling from Hyunwoo’s face. “Any sign of them waking yet?” Changkyun asked Jooheon who was still trying to arouse the other two from there unconscious state.

The pain of living without his beloved was overbearing. The drinks heavily trying to numb the pain he threw himself into. It had been a year and through out that whole time the pain hadn’t eased once. It was like he saw her sobbing face every single minute he closed his eyes. Dreams of the good times and nightmares of the worse, brought tears every morning he woke. Hearing that she had sought success in America was a bitter pill to swallow. She looks so healthy and happy as if she didn’t miss him one single bit. The rage in him that it was easier for her then himself made him bitter. Hyunwoo’s days was filled with bitterness and large amounts of alcohol. Friends thrown aside in fear of being close to anyone he would have to abandon again. When depression sunk him so deep that suicidal thoughts plunged his mind, he was saved. This memory was a little more fractured as he tried to dig harder. Knowing how he got his powers was something he couldn’t remember. The safe warm arms of Kihyun hitting his fragile sobbing body filled his mind. “I can save you, take your pain away,” Yoo Kihyun, Hyunwoo’s saviour said as he nodded. The feeling of his torture being taken from him was a blessing as if he was an angel sucking Hyunwoo’s soul from everything dark. But along with that went his memory’s, every single memory of Sunyoung.

Horror filled his mind, had he pushed her into the arms of her abuser while he had forgotten her. Guilt filled his conscience as he almost choked on his tears. “Let me see him,” he heard the voice of him saving him once more. “I remember,” you cried locking your eyes on Kihyun in your living room. “It’s ok,” Kihyun said throwing his hand through his hair that he closed his eyes to further more flashbacks.

“What did i do?” Hyunwoo cried out to him as he looked at the unconscious body of a helpless person. “It’s ok, somehow your powers called out to you,” Kihyun said tilting his head at his confused elder. “Huh?” Hyunwoo said in despair. “You can remove minds, it’s a error how you got this but somehow you do,” Kihyun said with his calm aura that told you to trust him.

Hyunwoo had gained his powers through him removing his memory’s. He looked up at Kihyun before his eyes fell back to Sunyoung. “Save her please,” he cried, desperate for her to be ok. “Ok,” Kihyun said standing. “Lets see if I can wake them,” he said walking towards Sunyoung. His hand feeling her pulse as he smiled. Removing her cardigan her broach flicked to the floor as she woke breathing heavily. Hyunwoo saw the clip of the broach spin as he looked up towards her. “Is she ok?” Minhyuk’s voice filled the air as you saw him fling his arms around her. Jealousy biting you in that sharp second. “She’s ok, but now the ambulance is here it won’t harm you all to be checked over,” Kihyun said looking at Hyunwoo with concern.

“What’s happening?” Hyunwoo whispered to Kihyun when the doctors had left his hospital bed. “You took the girl who’s memory’s you removed from your own. That’s a rare thing to happen so it was bound to be that nature decided to gift yours back,” he said leaning his hands onto his own thighs. “But where was my memory’s from us when I took hers? I didn’t sense them,” He questioned as Kihyun shrugged. “My guess is because they was ones stolen from yours that they couldn’t be retrieved by yourself during the process,” Kihyun said as Hyunwoo bit his lip in thought. “Why didn’t I noticed the signs, she didn’t even look fazed by my presence,” he questioned. “Again my only explanation is she fell out of love with you. Her pain from her former lover just overwhelmed yours,” he said placing a fake smile. Hyunwoo wondered if this meant did she even love him. She didn’t look like she cared moving onto her career so easily. The negativity biting him once more as he closed his eyes. “You need to let that bitterness go,” Kihyun said looking at him with concern. “How can I when each second I feel that crippling pain as if it never left,” Hyunwoo whimpered. “You numbed it by removing the memory’s. Nothing was done to relieve the pain. Seems that really is your next move,” Kihyun said as he threw his head back in despair. “I think she and Minhyuk is a thing. This couldn’t be any worse,” Hyunwoo crumbled closing his eyes. “I don’t think so, if Minhyuk was such a huge person in her life she wouldn’t have been in pain,” Kihyun said bringing Hyunwoo hope. “Wait you saying she doesn’t have feelings for him?” Hyunwoo said excited. “I’m a memory remover not a mind reader,” Kihyun scoffed as Hyunwoo huffed. “But if I had to guess, Minhyuk crushes over her, but she doesn’t feel anything because of her former lover,” he said looking Hyunwoo’s way as he frowned. “Not you the other one,” Kihyun said rolling his eyes.

Kihyun’s words mulled in Hyunwoo’s mind as he went to check on her. Relief hitting when he realised she was alone. “Sunyoung,” he called nervously. “Oh your..….. sorry I can’t seem to remember,” she said slightly distressed. “I’m a friend, a friend of yours and Minhyuk’s,” Hyunwoo exaggerated. “Oh really,” she said smiling before looking sad. “I can’t seem to remember anything, the doctors think somehow I hit my head,” she said looking down at her hands. She looked so fragile that Hyunwoo wanted to squash her with hugs. The need to feel her in his arms once more cursing through his body. “Yes you did I was there,” he said feeling guilty for manipulating her. “Hopefully it will come back soon, it will right?” she asked looking hopeful. “I’m sure it will,” he replied holding her fragile hand in his. “How close are we?” She asked looking at you with confusion. “Close friends,” Hyunwoo whispered almost slipping that she was his lover from his lips. But his lies had caused too much pain as it was in that relationship. “What can you remember?” Hyunwoo asked into the awkward silence. “Minhyuk bringing me to meet you, but I can’t remember anything after,” she said struggling as he gently squeezed her hand. “You remember Minhyuk then?” You asked as she nodded. “He’s my,” he said pausing as she looked confused. “Wait I don’t remember how I know him,” she whimpered. “It’s ok baby,” Hyunwoo choked rubbing his thumb over her hand as her long hair hit his face . The smell of her lemon shampoo hitting his nostrils. He had missed this smell of her favourite shampoo. “Do you remember your ex?” Hyunwoo asked closing his eyes. “That’s something strange I know I had a relationship I can feel it, like my memory’s locked. But I just can’t seem to see them. I’ve tried really tried,” she said looking up to him. He was sad she had not remembered their moments. But knowing that she didn’t have to think of her other ex was a blessing. The memory’s of what he witnessed flooding his own. Anger at her pain and hurt overwhelmed him. “Are you ok?” She said looking up to him with those beautiful eyes he loved so much. “Yes sorry, just in a lot of pain. I bumped my head too just I didn’t lose my memory’s,” Hyunwoo said as she smiled warmly. “I wish i could have Mine back,” she moaned. “I just remember feeling safe and secure, it’s a feeling I want back so badly,” she said leaning her head on his shoulder. The move made him smile at their close contact but at the same time feeling of anger that she would cherish her memory’s of her abuser. “There is one memory I can kind of remember,” she said as you look to her to continue. “The feeling of sand beneath my toes, crashing waves and being so in love. I see him but not his face, his crazy coloured shorts but he’s so funny I told him I loved him instead of how crazy he was,” she chuckled as Hyunwoo froze. Hyunwoo struggled to form words. She wasn’t picking her memory’s from her abuser. That was him, the first time she told him she loved him. She did hold him in her heart after all, she didn’t forget him. His heart swelled as he looked down, the chemistry buzzing between them. In that second Hyunwoo knew he needed to fight for her. It was his chance to woo her all over again.

Before Hyunwoo could speak Minhyuk walked through the door. His eyes looking confused at the close contact of them both. Hyunwoo’s sure he saw his friend fist ball, confirming to him that his feelings was more then the friendly term he made him believe. “Sunny,” he pouted as he made his way to her taking his hand from her hold. “I’ve been so worried about you?” He said as she looked at him confused. “She’s lost her memory’s remember,” Hyunwoo said looking at him for being so naive. “But you couldn’t have forgotten me right,” Minhyuk chuckled as she looked sorrowful his way. “Sunny you didn’t forget me right?” he repeated in fear pulling her free hand to his hold too. “I know theirs something or someone but my mind is just so vague. I know your Minhyuk though,” she said as he cut her off. “Baby you know it’s me right, I’m that person,” he said pouting. “Really?” She said tilting her head confused as Hyunwoo struggled to hold back a laughter at her being unsure. “How did I tell you I loved you?” She said arms folded looking suspicious. Hyunwoo copied looking his way ready to laugh when he would fail to convince her. “We was on the beach you took me there to sunbathe and mock my horrid dress sense of smugglers,” he chuckled as Hyunwoo choked. How did he know you both had met to use the story as his own. Hyunwoo was feeling anger at her being played. But then how had Minhyuk known that story. His own memory of that was erased and he had come in to his life after his memory’s had been removed.

Minhyuk had made friends with him at the local cafe he worked in. Many nights spent on his laptop researching his new talent. It was the slip of Minhyuk’s eyes that had his secret revealed to him. “Really why can’t I remember?” Sunyoung whimpered as she removed her hand from yours falling into Minhyuk. “You will do soon I’m sure it’s that fall,” he said cradling her. “What happened I can’t remember,” she said holding him that Hyunwoo closed his eyes full of jealousy. “I don’t know they said maybe there was a gas escape or something, isn’t that right Hyunwoo?” Minhyuk asked stealing his thoughts to look his friends way. Nodding he stood not bearing to see them close together any more. “You ok mate?” Minhyuk questioned concerned. “Yes just I need air,” he replied as Minhyuk raised his smile half heartedly his way.

“What’s going on?” Hyunwoo asked Kihyun, annoyed with the situation. “I don’t honestly know,” Kihyun said placing his hand on his shoulder. “Is Minhyuk playing games? That was our memory I just know it was,” Hyunwoo said in pain. “I don’t think he is, maybe something happened for your memory to be mixed up,” he said looking at him closely as if he was trying to see in to his mind. His eyes flashed to his fingers as he looked in shock. “Wait those energy rings, was you both wearing them?” Kihyun asked as Hyunwoo nodded. “He said that you gifted him them to help with energy during my sessions,” Hyunwoo said looking confused. “I did but I wonder if by Sunyoung being the girl that somehow he has some of your memory’s too? Maybe by sharing energy your sharing memories,” Kihyun said still looking at the ring. “So he is in love with her too because he has my memory’s?” Hyunwoo questioned. “That’s a big possibility,” he replied as Hyunwoo felt like screaming at how messed up the situation was. “How can I get her memory’s back?” Hyunwoo asked. “It’s really hard, very hard. Look what you’ve had to endure,” he said as Hyunwoo threw his hands down his face. “So basically me and Minhyuk have the same memory’s. We’re both in love with her and he wins her while I suffer in silence once more,” Hyunwoo cry’s out. Kihyun pats his shoulder to bring calm his way. “Look I will speak to someone who could advise me better,” Kihyun said reassuringly. “But for now go back to the hospital, spend time with her, woo her all over again,” he said pep talking his way.

Hyunwoo had done exactly that, shadowing Minhyuk and her relationship. Most the time he sat their silently just watching them. The pain of watching them together crushed him but he knew Minhyuk wasn’t to blame. But their was moments when it was just them two and every second between them both was peaceful. Every smile she made his way was what kept him from losing his mind. So when Hyunwoo got the call that Kihyun was home he rush to him.

“I have to do what?” Hyunwoo scoffed. “Look I know it’s hard but you never really wanted them anyway,” Kihyun said rolling his eyes. “Not that I couldn’t care less if i lost that ability. I didn’t even want it in the first place,” Hyunwoo scoffed. “About the kiss?” He whispered blushing. “True love’s kiss, how very Disney right,” Kihyun scoffed as Hyunwoo deadpanned his way. “True love breaks your curse,” Kihyun chuckled. “Do you really think this is funny?” Hyunwoo said sounding annoyed. “No I don’t sorry,” Kihyun apologised. “She’s in love with Minhyuk how can I have a true loves kiss when she’s in love with someone else,” Hyunwoo moaned throwing himself into the awaiting chair. “Hyunwoo, her heart knows it’s you,” Kihyun said reassuringly. “And if it isn’t?” Hyunwoo said looking vulnerable. “What other option is available?” He said as Hyunwoo closed his eyes throwing his head back knowing he was right. “Right I’m ready to lose my powers,” Hyunwoo said standing as he pulled at his tie he was wearing. “That happens when you kiss her,” Kihyun said as he looked up at him. “Everything will be back how it was, you two in love, right now one has forgotten,” Kihyun said as Hyunwoo tilted his head. “Oh how easy this is going to be,” Hyunwoo replied sarcastically.

“You can have what ever you want,” Hyunwoo said smiling his way at Sunyoung. “You know I have a boyfriend, this won’t look good,” she says smiling pretending to be concerned. Like she can feel the pull from her stolen memories, she enjoys spending time with Hyunwoo. Not even being scared to hold his hand and let him hold her when she is sad, even though they both know it is wrong. “Then why accept lunch,” Hyunwoo smirks as she chuckles knowing she’s been caught. “I enjoy your company,” she said fluttering her eye lashes. “Doesn’t that tell you something?” Hyunwoo said more forward then usual. “Woah, confident Hyunwoo’s arrived,” she chuckled noticing it too. “Seriously though, I don’t know what this is, I know we shouldn’t be doing this but I can’t stop,” she said breathing in deeply that Hyunwoo felt guilty. “It’s what ever it needs to be,” he said half heartedly. He knew that what they was doing was unfair to his friend. The memory’s in Minhyuk’s mind might be wrong, but they to him felt right. “I should be running right now,” she grumbles. “Well you better start before the heat gets unbearable,” Hyunwoo teased. “Are you flirting with your life Son Hyunwoo,” She chuckled as he nodded. “Something like that,” he said as the waiter came to take their order. Your hands taking her you smiled when she didn’t remove them as she read the order out. Just as you was about to give yours her phone rang. Minhyuk’s name flashing as they both looked at each other, guilt eating them both. “You better answer that,” Hyunwoo said losing his confidence in that sharp second. Minhyuk had asked her where she was. Flirting blurring the friendship line for something she couldn’t explain was one thing. Lying to her boyfriend was another. It wasn’t long before awkward long silence hit when Minhyuk arrived sliding beside her. The most passionate kiss between them that felt like a warning Hyunwoo’s way.

Hyunwoo had given up hope losing all his confidence as the pain of there relationship ate away at him. He had even started avoiding them both, locking himself away as he felt the pain of his loss return. Reaching for the whisky bottle he sunk his last glass as his mind swirled in drunken pain. Sunyoung’s name on his phone calling him did little to break his despair. Flipping the phone over so he didn’t have to witness another love sick call he closed his eyes.

As soon as sleep fell he was woken to the door knocking. Finding Sunyoung standing their soaking wet shivering broke his heart. “What’s up? what’s happened?” Hyunwoo said thankful that his words wasn’t slurred. “He’s left me,” she cried as pain engulfed him from her heartbreak. “What do you mean?” Hyunwoo said confused as he pulled her wet body into him. “He’s left me, he said he’s seeing someone else,” she whimpered as he closed his eyes. “Why does every person I date leave me for someone else,” she cried as his heart broke. Minhyuk had followed the same path then him. He wanted to fight him for breaking her heart, but he had no right when he made her believe he had done the same. “I thought you couldn’t remember your previous lovers?” Hyunwoo questioned her hoping some memory of him was stirring. Even if it was the negative one it was still a memory that could unlock her emotions. “It was odd, it was like déjà vu. I wish I could explain it,” she said snuggling into him. “I understand I think,” Hyunwoo said with mixed emotions. His hands played with her hair as he realised she needed to get out the wet clothes. “Let’s get you dried up,” he said going to his room. Returning he placed the towel and his spare clothes her way. “Bathroom down the corridor,” he said as she made her way down. Dialling on the phone he waited with baited breath for Minhyuk to answer but he didn’t. The urge to punch him was overwhelming. “There is no point ringing him, he left his phone behind,” Sunyoung said behind him as he looked confused her way. “He left it on the bed when he left me,” she said looking tearful again. Hyunwoo heart stung he had done exactly the same, it was like Minhyuk was re-enacting there split. “You wasn’t on the phone to a new job was you by any chance?” Hyunwoo asked awkwardly as she raised an eyebrow. “No,” she scoffed sounding insulted. “Sorry it was just, yeah don’t worry about it,” Hyunwoo said smiling his way at her. “I’m sure he will come to his senses,” Hyunwoo said opening his arms once more that she happily snuggled into. “I noticed you use the same shampoo,” she chuckled as he mirrored letting her head vibrate on his chest from the sound. “Yeah it’s a smell that I’ve come to like,” he confessed knowing the scent was his favourite thing of hers. “Minhyuk buys it all the time,” she chuckled as Hyunwoo rolled his eyes. Sharing memories was really becoming frustrating.

“Do you want a drink?” Hyunwoo said changing the subject. “Do you have any left?” She chuckled as he clicked his tongue. “I’ve always got good drinks,” he smirked as she chuckled holding him tighter. “I take that as a no?” He said pulling him around her tighter as the connection between them both felt safe and secure. “Just don’t leave me,” she whimpered as if she couldn’t keep her emotions in check. The pain in her voice told you she was struggling with emotions her memory couldn’t help. Feeling the sudden urge to push for them to be returned he placed his finger under her chin. Crashing his lips to her softly he kissed her. Her own moving slowly and passionately as her fingers grabbed to the back of his T-shirt. Hyunwoo felt as if his heart was going to combust. This was it, time to get her memory’s back, get her by his side forever and having his happy ever after, even if he lost his ability to remove memories.

Guilt wasn’t something this time Kihyun had, Hyunwoo had crossed the line when he abused Hyungwon’s mind. It made him angry and the plan set beneath him was perfect. Excitement filled him with the chance to mess with his mind and heart. He could hear footsteps coming his way and he couldn’t wait to fill in the details of Hyunwoo’s final pain. When he would realise that the kiss would do nothing, he knew his pain would engulf him once more.

“I can feel it, the confusion it’s exciting. We finally got our revenge,” Kihyun says out to his visitor who finally arrived. “What happens to her?” The voice said concerned. “I will wipe her memory’s before the confusion haunts her. She will never know she was just someone who held your memory’s,” Kihyun said turning to face the guilt ridden expression befalling him. “Trust me she won’t know, she won’t remember. He will though he will suffer for leaving you all those years back,” Kihyun said reassuringly. “I trust you,” he said not sorrowfully. “Deal is a deal I suppose, let’s remove your memory’s of him finally,” Kihyun said pouring the frankincense into a bowl. “Will it hurt like the other time,” he replied worrying. “No that was just because your memory’s was flowing between you three,” Kihyun smiled as Minhyuk took his seat. Ready to finally let go of every memory of the lover who left him behind.

To be continued ……..

Masterlist

[the-foolish-scholar]

The Hierophant

The Hierophant is the fifth card in the Major Arcana. It is a card of tradition, religious order, conformity, knowledge, and beliefs. The Hierophant sits upon a thrown in the middle of two pillars, which represent the duality of life. Their depiction shows sanctity, given that there are characteristics of a holy temple or a church in the imagery; however, this temple is different than others depicted in the tarot. Here, The Hierophant sits on an elevated podium demonstrating their authority/superiority among others. They are dressed in three different colors which are red, blue and white – along with a three-tiered crown. These artistic expressions signify the three realms which The Hierophant dominates (the conscious, subconscious and super-conscious). In their left hand, they carry a triple cross that shows their religious position. The horizontal bars in the cross represent the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. The Hierophant’s right hand is raised in a religious manner, which symbolizes blessings (similar to how The Magician has his hand raised). There are two followers that kneel before The Hierophant. This represents The Hierophant’s duty to transfer spiritual knowledge to others. With the use of these two devotees, the card also comes to signify understanding and education. It should also be noted that the crossed keys at the Hierophant’s feet denote the stability between the conscious and subconscious minds as well as the revealing of ambiguities which only they can demonstrate.

-

Hey. Today (I started writing this on Friday) has been an insane day and it’s only 3:00 PM as I sit here and write this! In El Salvador, and around the world, Catholics are celebrating the Feast of Saint Romero.

I woke up early this morning, around 4:30 AM, I tried to go back to bed but I couldn’t. I had planned to leave the house with the Italians that are staying here to observe mass at the church where Romero was assassinated; but I was just going to throw on a blouse and brush my teeth and leave the house with no makeup. But, because I was up so early, I decided to get dolled up, wearing a superfluous strawberry themed outfit.

I listened to Lana Del Rey’s new album the whole time I was getting ready and then when I was all ready, I had breakfast with the Italians. We had some papaya, cantaloupe, pan dulce, and coffee from their moka pot. It was some good ass coffee, the Italians know what they’re doing! I told them about how I had purchased a moka pot from TJ Maxx in college too. Lol.  

The man doesn’t speak any Spanish or English, only Italian. The woman speaks Spanish and Italian. I’ll talk to the Italian man in Spanish and he’ll talk to me in Italian; when Enza, the woman, isn’t around to translate, he’ll always do a happy dance and cheer when we can finally understand something the other is saying.

Anyway, we requested a taxi and headed outside to wait for it to arrive. As we waited, we had a good conversation with the vigilante for our colonia. Until this morning, him and I had only been able to have basic small talk. It was nice to get to know him.

As expected, the traffic was bad. By the time we made it to Divina Providencia, the pews were all full. We stood at the entrance and I leaned against one of the doors to the church.

As I rested my weight on the door, I imagined how terrifying it must have been when the gunman’s bullet went past right where was standing at, down the aisle, and into Oscar Romero’s chest as he was preaching 43 years ago. He was a man of the cloth, murdered by the government, just for following the teachings of the Second Vatican Council, by siding with the poor as the Catholic church had agreed 15 years prior (58 years ago now).

As the priest stood in the same spot where Romero was shot, he denounced the injustice occurring in El Salvador today. I still need to get my hands on a copy of his homily in order to remember everything he pled out for; but I will never forget the chills that were sent down my spine as I heard him plead for Nayib Bukele, El Salvador’s President (or Coolest Dictator Ever, as he likes to call himself), to free those wrongfully imprisoned under the State of Exception. As his sermon went on, his pleadings only became more radical. I wondered how it felt for him to say those things. I wondered if he felt fear. I imagine he did. I admired his bravery throughout it all.

(I am now writing this the next day, as I got sidetracked)

As mass was going on, some protestors outside of the parish began chanting against the State of Exception, while calling for justice for their loved ones that had died while wrongfully imprisoned. They were a small but mighty group. Some journalists interviewed them, and many people stood by and watched them as they protested outside of the church.

When mass wrapped up, the Italians eagerly brought me to the altar to meet some of their contacts.

I was introduced to so many people, in such a short amount of time, that I cannot even remember everyone who I met, but I know that they were all very important people. Enza wrote me a very long list of very valuable contacts earlier in the week and many of those that I had met were on that list. Although, I do remember one very important man in particular. Juan V. Chopin. He has his doctorate in theology and he works in a high position at La Universidad Don Bosco. He recently wrote a book, ‘Testigos de la fe en El Salvador’, which translates to, testimonies of the faith in El Salvador. With the way I’ve chosen to shift my project around, his book and his knowledge will be very helpful to me. He even signed the copy I bought!

The Italians then told me that there was a procession, leaving from the Divine Providence to the cathedral. I agreed to join them. I very quickly found out that it was a political protest led by the Frente Social y Sindical Salvadoreño (the Salvadoran Social and Labor Union). I began to panic. Participating in any political protest, as a foreigner, is a big no no. Not only can it undermine the group protesting’s legitimacy, but it's prohibited by the embassy. I spent the first 45 minutes of the march stressed out and trying to figure out what I should do. My sympathies were with the people in the protest, but it was not my place to be there marching alongside them.

The more we walked, the calmer I got though. I realized what a great opportunity observing this was for my research. I was not doing anything wrong; I was merely an academic, who studies the sociology of religion, observing a protest with a route from one place of worship to another, on a day where El Salvador’s only saint had been murdered. All around me, Salvadorans were in the streets, speaking out against the injustice that exists within their society. They bravely spoke truth to power just as Romero and many others had prior. I remembered the protests that I had observed in the United States; I thought about how the police brutalized protestors back home. There was none of that here. The police appeared to have assisted the protestors, at least when it came to blocking off traffic.

As we reached Salvador Del Mundo, which I consider to be El Salvador’s most stressful bus stop, I began talking to the protestors. I felt so stressed about being annoying, but I bit the bullet and accepted the fact that in order to get shit done, I had to be a little bit annoying. I received nothing but kindness from the protestors I spoke with. The first man I approached connected me to another, who connected me to another, who connected me to another. Before I knew it, I had the contact information for those that had organized the protest, who were all Catholic by the way! All of this went down while a priest was preaching in front of a statue of Saint Romero by the way. He evoked the same sentiment as the priest did during mass, though he spoke more boldly, and instead of at an altar, he was in the middle of the street, holding a microphone connected to speakers blasting out on top of a van.

After he was done giving his sermon, we began to march again. I began to talk to more protestors, and I spent a good amount of time walking alongside a woman who spoke about the conditions in El Salvador and how it all connected to the current economic system. As we walked in stride together, I couldn’t help but think about how this happy accident turned out to be one of the best things to ever happen to me for my project. It was like I had always known what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know how. And on this pilgrimage, I figured out how to do what I needed to do. I needed to study not only faith across identities but I needed to study how the church evolved from the colonial period to the modern day, like I did in undergrad! But this time, I will instead be building on top of that research, focusing on the resistance movement going on in the church under Bukele, and how it compares and contrasts to the resistance movement that happened in the church during the war.

Anyway, me and the woman connected. She works for FUNDAHMER—the nonprofit that I began working with a few weeks ago—and agreed to an interview with me. She has an amazing life story and it is an honor that she trusts me to share it with the world for my research. I really look forward to meeting with her.

When we reached Parque Cuscatlán, I spoke to some men who attend mass in the basement of the Cathedral. The Italians left me to go look at the memorial for all of the martyrs from the war. The men I spoke with offered to accompany me to mass on Sundays so that I didn’t have to go alone anymore. I was so touched and I intend to take them up on that offer. They also agreed to an interview with me.

I could see the cathedral off into the distance as we began to walk again. I was excited to approach our destination. While I enjoyed the walk, my feet were beginning to get tired. As we approached the historic district of San Salvador, many who occupied businesses looked out from windows, recording the march. Some cars that we drove past honked in support.

When we made it to the front of the cathedral, the protest broke up, with some going to mass in the basement of the cathedral and others staying put in the park. I said my goodbyes to the Italians and headed off to a nearby café to have some lunch and reflect on the experience.

In the café, I enjoyed the air conditioning, an iced latte, and a Montecristo sandwich. After I wrapped up my meal, I ubered home. Me and my uber had a nice conversation too. I spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing in the garden, journaling and listening to music. I also had a quick FaceTime with Evan which was so nice! And I got myself some choripán which was decadent. I watched some TV as I ate and then I napped. I also ran into the turtle that I painted with the landlord's grandson!

When the Italians arrived back home, they wanted to get some pupusas, so I walked them to the pupusaria. I got myself a pupusa with jalapeños and another with beans and cheese. We ate them together when we arrived back to the house and we had a very political discussion.

After dinner, I was beat. I washed my face and then I passed out.

On Saturday I spent more time writing and I watched some Succession. By the time the evening rolled around, I took myself out on a date. I went to the Biscuit Factory. They have amazing salads, coffee, and desert. I started a new romance novel as I ate and enjoyed my own company. I became engrossed into the book and did not want to put it down. I paid my tab and then I headed to the fancy hotel across the street.

Earlier in the week, I had gone there to swim in the pool and read some academic texts. This time around I sat in a comfy leather chair curled up with my book and a calimocho. At some point I moved to the bar and began talking to the workers. We had a fantastic conversation and I feel a lot better about sneaking into the hotel pool now that I’ve made friends with the employees. I also was the first person to ever order a calimocho at the bar, and they wrote it down in their master list of recipes because of me! I felt so cool. I said my goodbyes and headed off to Leyenda’s to meet up with Evelyn and a friend of hers.

At Leyenda’s I read tarot for Evelyn’s friend and also for our friend Crusty. It was a good time. It was nice to read for others again. After I finished reading, Evelyn and I headed home.

This morning (as it is now Sunday) I woke up to a facetime call from Nolan and caught up with him. I made myself some coffee and my landlord (Marta Alicia) gave me some plantains to eat for breakfast.

Marta Alicia and I went to mass together this morning. She took me to a church different than the one we went to last week so that I could get to know different congregations. The one we went to was in Escalón, which is a wealthier neighborhood (again, good for my sample size). We were a little late to mass because we got our start times mixed up, but I still got to observe a lot. I plan on reaching out to the Father so that we can begin working together. After mass got out, we stopped and got some ice cream together. I got tamarind flavored ice cream! It was such a yummy treat!

Now I’m just finishing writing up this post. I intend to spend the rest of the day organizing my work schedule for this coming week. I want to go eat Pollo Campero I think. I’ll probably go swim laps at the gym too. And I need to catch up on Succession so that I can watch the final season with the masses.

That’s pretty much been it? This post was super long. If you made it here, thanks for being such a loyal follower of The Foolish Scholar™. Also, because I’m no longer living with Jack, I’ve chosen to include a few songs and memes at the end of each post. Here they are:

Z

[yoomiwritingstuff]

“what if i turned into a worm? would you still love me?”

“.....”

“i would be a handsome worm.”

“osamu! 'tsumu is drunk again!!”

you hear said man groan in annoyance at his twin's antics. he should've never left his brother alone in that reunion party.

why couldn't osamu just peacefully spend time with his sister-in-law (you asked him to teach you a few dishes he knows and he without hesitation agrees) as well as play with his favorite baby nephew.

feeling quite guilty, you gave your apology to osamu for keeping his time and even needing his assistance to take care of this situation at the moment.

“nothing to be sorry about, (y/n). it's not your fault this asshat of a husband of yours can't control his drinking habits.”

you laugh light-heartedly at what he said meanwhile atsumu pouts and protests in the corner as he fiddles with the ends of his bangs.

“i am so not drunk...”

“you said you'd tone down the alcohol 'tsumu. i'm a bit dissaponted in you.”

he senses the seriousness in your tone despite how you make it seem playful. atsumu quickly goes to your side and gives you a side hug.

“great. can't believe i have to witness him acting like this.”

osamu returns to the kitchen to begin cleaning up everything that you both have used at the same time placing the dishes you've managed to cook stored inside your refrigerator. he then directs his attention to his nephew who was busy watching a random cartoon on the television.

“hey, let's brush your teeth.”

you give atsumu a few pats on the head (you'd let it pass this time), ushering him to get sober enough to help you tuck both your son in bed — a nightly routine you three love to partake in.

he silently lets you lead him to the sink for the bathroom is currently occupied by the other two. you tried asking about how his day went but he tells you he doesn't remember much right now except for accepting the challenge to chug down so many bottles. you resisted the urge to pull his ear to reprimand him. even as a father he can still be a youngster. well, it's not as if it wasn't expected from miya atsumu.

it took half an hour before atsumu and you were able to convince your son to sleep. stepping out of the boy's room, you two notice osamu casually laid on the sofa. when he does stare at you and his twin, he points at the kitchen. looking at it, you found it already nice and tidy.

“thanks for today, osamu.”

“anytime, (y/n).”

his brother only sends him a thumbs up, too stubborn to verbally praise the other. osamu rolls his eyes, stands up just to smack atsumu's back which in turn results with the blonde screaming in anger.

since he knows you were there with him (and osamu was in his territory), atsumu wraps your arms around his waist so you were giving him a back hug and proceed to stick his tongue out. this without a doubt aggravates his twin more because of how childlike he was being.

“not the dog energy again. you should just bark instead of talking if you were one, don't you think so? and stop using (y/n) for your immaturity!”

“says the guy who's always wanting my son's attention because he's the only kid who likes you! yer just jealous i have a wife!”

you could only sigh and hope you'd be able to stop or at the least make them yell quieter (if they could do that) so they won't wake your son or any neighbor up. you then realize the twins were now throwing phrases and words you couldn't quite understand due to their kansai dialect.

“oh no, here we go again.”

some things just never change you guess.

[megan-is-mia]

Could I ask for Peacock Vil with #209? Like he's in his mating season and she is rejecting all his advances.

(This one is kind of long sorry) 209. “The way you say my name feel so fucking good…keep saying it.” (Yandere! Peacock Vil Schoenheit x Fem! S/o) (WARNING NSFW AND NON-CON AHEAD!)

Ever since she was a young girl (Y/n) had known what her future would be. Born to a concubine in the Peacock King’s harem there was only one fate open to her: to become a harem-girl like her mother before her and serve her master obediently. This fact had been drilled into her since toddlerhood. Yet there was something that gave her hope and kept her from fully accepting her destiny. She had a special friend, a secret friend who lived in the castle as well. They’d never seen each other’s faces but spoke to one another every day through a hole in the wall between the two grand gardens of the palace. Her friend called themself Scélérat, and they loved two things: knowledge and beauty. Each day they would teach (Y/n) new things they’d learned from the books in the library.

With every scrap of knowledge (Y/n) gained she found new strength in herself. When she was with Scélérat she wasn’t just a lowly harem girl, she was a person who mattered in this world. Yet as the years went by things began to change, she began to be plagued with more and more duties to make her into the ideal concubine. Even worse the Peacock King’s son Vil demanded that she become his personal servant and tend to him daily.

“(Y/n) why do you stand so far from my side? Come closer darling I won’t bite” Vil cooed as he lounged back on the chaise longue and gestured for the servant to come closer. (Y/n) grit her teeth but obeyed, she despised the peacock-man and his father and everything they stood for. If it wasn’t for the king and the prince, she and her mother would not be bound to a life of sexual servitude.

Vil pulled (Y/n) down into his lap as she came closer, she had grown more beautiful than he could ever have hoped for. He still remembered with total clarity when he’d first met her, back when they were children still innocent of heart. She’d been crying in the garden and he’d spoken to her through the wall. (Y/n) had spilled out her sorrows to him and he felt his heartache for the first time in his life.

He hadn’t told her his name then, for that would have ruined everything. To her, he would be Scélérat, someone she could always depend on to be there for her and lift her up. But as time has gone by their meetings had grown shorter and less frequent, it was not her fault that she wasn’t able to meet him. (Y/n) was blooming into a beautiful young woman and therefore she had to know her duties as a concubine.

That didn’t mean he would let her slip away from him. Sure for now she may not love him as Prince Vil, but he would win her yet. He was sure of it, she had no choice in the matter. When he became king he would dismiss most of the harem that his father had amassed. Of course, he would make sure the concubines went to good homes but he would not need so many women to keep him happy. The only woman he needed to be happy was (Y/n), she would be his queen in all but name. He wished he could make her queen proper but he knew patience would be key to being successful in his endeavors. If he gave her that power before he knew for certain that she was loyal to him everything could go down in flames. Vil could not let the love in his heart cloud his judgment on the matter.

(Y/n) hated how intimately the prince touched her. His hands made her skin crawl and she felt like she needed to scrub her skin clean after every encounter with him. The other harem girls gossiped that she must be his favorite since she was the only girl he’d ever called to his chambers. However, she did not care whether or not she was the prince’s favorite for she would never care for him.

For her heart already belonged to another, her beloved Scélérat, yes they were her beloved. Though she had never had the courage to tell them of her feelings for them and now she was unlikely to ever have the chance to tell them with the prince hoarding her time and body. The only relief she had was the fact the prince and king’s mating season would soon start and none would be allowed near their rooms nor them. Perhaps in this downtime (Y/n) would gain from the prince’s season she’d be able to speak to Scélérat again and set things straight. However, until the season started she would be quite busy with Prince Vil. In the week leading up to his mating season, the prince began acting strangely towards her. One could almost call it affectionate, the way he spoke to her and tried to shower her in gifts of clothes and jewelry. “He must be trying to court you” another harem girl suggested when (Y/n) spoke of her concerns one evening. “The gift-giving, the affectionate words, the only sensible explanation is that his more bestial brain is piloting and he wants you to be his mate” she added making (Y/n) cringe with disgust. Her? The prince’s mate? No way! There was no way she would ever become the prince’s mate!

Yet despite her unwillingness, she found herself being locked in with the prince on the day his rut started. At first, he seemed totally unaware of her presence in the room, jerking furiously on his bed and grunting in a low voice. This was a side of Vil she’d never seen before, who was this unrefined creature unable to think of anything but sex? She could almost feel pity for him, almost.

(Y/n) was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t even notice when the prince had given up trying to pleasure himself and was creeping towards her. Suddenly she found herself being pulled and forced down on the bed as Vil climbed atop of her with a lecherous grin. (Y/n) grimaced and tried to kick him off even as he leaned down to capture her lips in a hungry kiss and ran his hands down her sides.

“Finally, I have you where I want you… I’ve been waiting for this day for years” Vil said in a coo as he pulled away from the kiss. “Ever since we were young I knew you were the one for me my darling” he added leaning in for another kiss. (Y/n) turned her head away confused by the prince’s words. “What… What are you talking about! You aren’t making any sense!” she said, trying to kick him again. “Even when we’re this close to one another you still don’t recognize me? You cannot recognize your oldest friend?” the prince said, leaning down to speak in (Y/n)’s ear. “Your dear Scélérat sits before you and yet you do not see?” he whispered before pressing a kiss to her ear. This revelation froze (Y/n) to her core, the prince… he was the one she’d loved for so long? Impossible! She could not accept, she would not accept this to be true!

“I don’t believe you! You must be lying! Scélérat is a good person, unlike you! He would never let me remain a harem girl if he had the power to free me like you do!” (Y/n) said in a hiss. “Oh I have every intention of freeing you, just not yet… first I must become king so I can make you my wife” Vil said nuzzling the young woman playfully. “But such serious matters can wait until another day, let us enjoy each other’s company” he concluded.

(Y/n) knew exactly what he meant by “enjoy each other’s company” and she wanted none of it. She tried to push him away again even as he kissed down her front, yanking her top down to lavish her breasts with attention. (Y/n) had never had the curiosity to try touching herself in such a matter and as such her body jolted with the new sensations Vil forced upon her with his mouth and hands.

“You saved yourself for me didn’t you darling?” the peacock-man said with a croon, his hands darting further down (Y/n)’s body to run down her thighs. “I wish I had the patience to wait until our wedding night to do this… but I suppose there really is nothing wrong with getting started on making an heir right?” he mused to himself as the young woman below him felt her blood run cold. Her? Carry the prince’s heir? She couldn’t think of many things worse than bearing a child for this man! Perhaps she could stop him from doing this tonight? Maybe she could spare herself such a fate by taking command now? (Y/n) reached down clumsily searching for the prince’s cock and taking it firmly in her grip. Without hesitation, she began jerking him off quickly as he began to buck into her hold. “Mmmph fuck that feels so good” Vil said, his tail feathers spreading behind him as he fucked himself into the girl’s fist and let his head lol back in pleasure. It didn’t take long for him to cum messily onto (Y/n)’s body with a weak grin. “That was delightful darling, now allow me to return the favor” the prince said situating himself between the girl’s thighs. He pulled her undergarments aside before pressing his mouth to her cunt. This was not what she had wanted to have happen! She’d touched him hoping that it would be enough to please him so he wouldn’t impregnate her. He wasn’t supposed to try and return the favor of pleasuring! (Y/n) weakly kicked at the prince as he sucked on her clit and drove his tongue deep into her cunt. It felt like he was trying to clean her insides out with his mouth and she could feel her eyes rolling back in her skull. “P-puh-prince Vil!” (Y/n) squealed desperately and to her surprise, the peacock-man stopped. “The way you say my name feel so fucking good…keep saying it” the prince groaned out before he began tongue-fucking her again. It didn’t take long until the harem girl was seeing white and cumming all over Vil’s face. He licked up her release greedily before spreading her legs and scooting so his cock brushed against her pussy.

“I’ll try to be gentle, considering this is your first time… but I can't promise I won’t lose control” Vil cooed before starting to sink into (Y/n)’s depths. It didn’t take much before the young woman was squirming with discomfort. The prince was so big compared to her and his cock was just as proportionally big. The kisses that he pressed to her face did nothing to ease the pain he was causing her at this moment. “Hold on for me darling… I just need to get all the way in and then I'll make you feel really good” the prince promised. He continued to sink into her, stretching her like she’d never been stretched before. His fingers teased her clit made it almost bearable but still it wasnt enough to take the pain away. Finally, Vil was all the way in and let out a long gasp. He nuzzled (Y/n)’s shoulder before kissing it.

“You feel so tight around me… it feels amazing… I'm going to make you feel amazing too” the peacock-man said, his tail feathers shaking with delight. He pulled back a little bit before slamming back into (Y/n) with a grunt. He repeated this action over and over again each time striking a spot deep inside the harem girl’s cunt that made her see stars and moan for him like he wanted. Gradually Vil’s movements got faster and faster, gripping the bedframe as he fucked (Y/n) with all his might. The young woman came so many times yet the prince showed no signs of wearing out despite the many times he had also cum as he pounded her into the bed. “I’m gonna plant an entire nest in your womb darling… you’ll like that won’t you? Soon you’ll be a wife, a mother, and a queen just like you deserve…” THE END

[mrs-march-ahs]

What The Evans Are Like With Kids

This post pairs nicely with savanionie blanque Sauvignon Blanc, and even nicer with my existing post, What Would Evans Call Their Kids? It’s a very old post of mine so it’s short and not very detailed, but sweet nevertheless.

This wasn’t requested but I thought it’d be a cute idea, having baby fever recently :) This is my first time writing for Pietro so feel free to tell me if you hated it and I should never write for him again, still figuring things out!

Enjoy! <3

Tate Langdon

-A big kid himself

-Finds things in common with them

-Always answers the toy phone when given

-Whenever you go to the park or beach together, he loves looking at kids play

-Might even help a kid build a sandcastle

-But also would be upset if the kid build a better sandcastle than him

-The type of person to pull faces at a baby if they’re in front of you at a queue

His kids -Always cuddling and kissing them, kind of needy -Absolutely always wanting to hold his kids’ hand -Tells them he loves them on a daily -Loves taking care of his kids, giving them baths or feeding them -Will complain to them about how stinky they are if he changes a diaper -Loves laying with his face on/against your belly when you’re pregnant -Because he’s so insecure, he’d hate for his kids to be insecure too so he tells them any chance he gets that they are incredible, unique, and can achieve anything

Kit Walker

-Holds their hands and spins them around

-Picks them up and throws them all the time

-Ruffles the kids’ hair

-If you go over to a friend’s house who has kids, he doesn’t mind if the kid wants to follow him around

-Kids overall love Kit, because he’s a big kid himself

His kids -Overall, the best dad ever -Cuddles them every night before bed -On a regular, he gets them ready for bed in pyjamas with teeth brushed, and then holds them on his lap on the sofa until they fall asleep, before carrying them to their own bed -The kids come crawl in bed with you and Kit in the mornings -Loves dancing and singing and being active with his kids -The most loving and protective dad ever if the kids are sick -Will drive or walk in the storm hail and snow to get your kids medicine if they need it, or even McDonalds to cheer them up

Franken Kyle

-Doesn’t like sharing his things

-Isn’t particularly patient either

-Not that bad at playing with kids every so often, but can’t take care of them since he’s a kid himself

-Silently sits with the kid of your friend and plays trains with them, making little choo choos together

-However, if the kid just gets up and walks away, Kyle will stay and play by himself fine

His kids -If you were to have kids with Franken Kyle, you would have to accept that Kyle wouldn’t be much of a help -Kyle in himself is a big toddler who has to be taken care of -You were especially scared of Kyle being aggressive and flip out around the child or that he would accidentally hurt them -But when you were giving birth (in the academy, because you couldn’t make it to the hospital since Kyle can’t drive and you’re in labour), Kyle was actually helpful -He may have not completely understood what was happening or why you were screaming and crying, but he knew you were in pain and he didn’t like it -He held your hand and stroked your hair through the whole labour, whether you wanted it or not -You held the baby first and Kyle sat by your side and just looked at them, intrigued but slightly confused -Overtime he warmed up to the baby and helped you whenever he could, going downstairs to get a bottle for you, picking up toys after the baby, eventually learning how to change a diaper with you or bottle feed them -If you breast feed, Kyle definitely wants a sippy sip too -They’re his boobs, he cannot understand why he can’t get a sippy sip of your milk -Eventually you sat him down very carefully and calmly, and got him to hold the baby -Once he starts holding and carrying the baby, you’ll have to pry that cuddle buddy out of Kyle’s hands

Jimmy Darling

-When there’s kids at the circus, he asks them if they’re strong enough to pull his fingers apart

-Picks them up and throws them up in the air just to see their parents be scared

-Never wants to scare or intimidate children, so he’ll squat when talking to them

-Will avoid showing his hands if he can, to make sure they don’t get scared

-Loves to show kids magic tricks

-Probably has sweets in his pocket just in case a kid comes to the circus

His kids -When you’re pregnant, even if you sneeze, Jimmy is full alert -Nervous as hell when you’re giving birth -Scared for you, the baby, and the baby’s hands -Relieved if they have normal hands -Apologises to you if they don’t, so you have to console him and tell him how much you love his hands regardless -Incredibly protective of his kids, wouldn’t let anybody make them feel inferior for anything different about them -His kids would be athletic like he was when he was a child -Would cling onto his leg and he’d walk around with them, pretending he’s looking for them and doesn’t see them -Puts them on his shoulders and runs around so they feel tall -But holds them extra tight -Makes lots of dad jokes and laughs at them, making his kids groan

James March

-Doesn’t really have a ‘baby voice’

-Occasionally looks after Holden or Scarlett, so they play card games and do more mature things together

-Uncle James has definitely taken Scarlett and Holden out trick or treating

His kids -Mine and James’ daughter is called April -No I do not take constructive criticism -I think he’d only want one child so they can be his whole world -Their designated place is on his hip -That type of stereotypical dad who doesn’t let his little girl near any boys whatsoever -Kills the boy who takes his teen daughter’s virginity -Reads with his kids a lot -Has dinner with them and talks to them about all sorts of things -Wants them to be wise and inquisitive -Their birthday parties take up the whole hotel

Edward Mott

-Utterly disgusted at children

-Doesn’t want them

-Doesn’t want them in his house

-Doesn’t want them near him or his incredible and sophisticated art

Kai Anderson

-Treats them like small people, so he will not talk to any child in a baby voice, though he will alter his voice a little bit and use words they can understand

-Prefers 4+ year olds so you can have an actual conversation with them

-He’d never sit and talk about how cute a baby is, but does find them very cute

-Think about when he quoted Tolstoy and Oz thought he said Toy Story, he exhaled and clearly found it cute

His kids -Likes watching Disney films and then talking to his kid about it, curious to know which character they liked, what they should’ve done instead etc -Like being sporty with his kids -In a lot of ways, he would treat his girls similarly to the way he’d treat his sons, because he’d want his girls to be strong and manly in a way -All play football together -When playing games, Kai would never let his kids win on purpose -Definitely teaches his kids how to play chess -Incredibly strict -Lies to his kids a lot and makes sure they think that everything that Kai says is the holy grail -Makes up stories and reasons as to why they have to do what he says - “Daddy why do I have to go to bed alreadyyy?” “Because it’s 8pm” “Sooooo” “Didn’t you know? It’s illegal for people under 15 to stay up past 8pm, let’s get you in pyjamas before the police comes” -Might even call Samuels to make his point stronger -The kids always fall asleep before 8 -Kai’s Preganant S/O Headcannons

Pietro

-Similarly to Kit, he likes kids and kids like him

-Probably because they’re both big kids

-Teaches them swear words and helps them to cause mischief

-Fun uncle obviously

His kids -He was probably a little scared about having a baby, but got more and more excited over time -Talks to the baby all the time and has lots of little nicknames for them -Wants them to walk ASAP -Once they’re not a newborn anymore, takes them everywhere with him -Very specific but, whenever he’s walking down the street with them, holds their hand as they walk on a wall -They’re his new little best friend so he wants to do everything with them -They help pack their own lunch and he gives them twinkies and other things they shouldn’t eat

--

@milly-louise  @amourtentiaa  @kitwalker02  @tatestripedsweater  @therenlover  @maria-akira         @tatesimper  @thxc0untessesgl0ve  @mossybank  @ahsxual  @mxlti-fand0m-imaginess  @mrs-march-ahs-biggest-fan  @kitwalkerangel  @kitisagoldenretrieverboy @darlingkitt  @blackbat2020

Comment or message me if you want to be added or removed from the taglist, I wont be offended! :)

[wicked-mind]

Last Love: Part Two

Summary: Based on the quote “He may be your first love but I intend to be your last” by Klaus Mikaelson.

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: Aftermath of domestic abuse, swearing, bitchy mom alert.

Note: This is a small part two because we needed so see more of these two together (:

Part One Here

All Writings Masterlist

*gifs not mine

From the moment you told Bucky you love him, he was more motivated to show you how much he loves you. You still had your struggles but Bucky was doing everything he could to show you how much you meant to him. He would pull you into his arms every night and whisper sweet things in your ear until you fell asleep and when you had nightmares, he would wake you up and wipe your tears away as he listened to what you had dreamt of before saying all the right things to make you feel safe again. Steve lived with Bucky so it took a little bit for you to stop flinching when they would start to howl with laughter, but you eventually joined in the laughter when they joked with each other.

It was almost Christmas time again and you were having struggles with the memories of how the last holiday season went. Your nightmares were more frequent and you were in no way in the holiday spirit. You tossed and turned in the bed until Bucky’s arms found you, pulling you against his chest so your face could nuzzle into his neck.

Bucky loved having you next to him. He loved everything about you. He loved the way your nose scrunched slightly when you tried to hold back a laugh or when he would catch you singing softly to yourself when you didn’t think anybody was around. Most of all, he loved having you in his arms and the honor of being the man to keep you safe and love you. After pulling you into his chest, he lets one hand stroke through your hair while the other rubs your back, “Still having bad dreams, babydoll?” He murmurs out to you sleepily, keeping his eyes closed as he rested his head on his pillow.

You nodded into his neck, sniffling a little against his skin as you held back tears. You hated crying from your nightmares. It made you feel like you were still being haunted- like Charlie still had a hold on you, “Yeah… Sorry I woke you.”

Bucky opens his eyes to see his room lit up from the sunlight peaking through the windows and scoots away a little bit to be able to look into your sleepy eyes, moving his hand from stroking your hair to cupping your cheek in his palm, “No need to apologize, sweetheart.” He said with a small smile before pressing his lips to your forehead for a comforting kiss, “How about I make us some breakfast?”

You smile softly up at him, “Blueberry pancakes?”

Bucky nods to you with a smile, “Of course, I’ll even make you some bacon.” He said before dragging himself out of the bed and pulling on some grey sweats. He headed for the door but stopped before he opened it, looking back at you in his bed like he did every morning. It was his favorite thing to see everyday- you looking over at him while tangled in his sheets, “God, you’re gorgeous.” He told you with that crooked grin before heading out the door to go start breakfast.

Once you managed to get yourself dressed in some jean shorts, a white tank top, and one of Bucky’s red flannels, you brushed your hair and teeth before making your way to the kitchen rubbing your eyes sleepily. Your eyes focused on Bucky when he let out a whistle toward you, blushing and taking a seat at table.

Bucky grinned, he loved seeing you wearing his clothes. It just imprinted more in his mind that you were finally his as you were always meant to be, “Damn, doll.” He said over to you while he flipped some pancakes onto a plate, “I thought you looked gorgeous in my sheets…” He carried the plate over and placed it in front of you before placing a finger under your chin, pulling your gaze up to meet his. His lips parted as he ran his eyes up and down you one more time, his tongue flickering out to trace his bottom lip at the sight of you before his pearly whites softly bit down with a small groan passing his lips, “But you in my clothes is a whole other level.”

You blushed at his words, your eyes watching his tongue trail along his bottom lip. He knew what he was doing to you, making your breath catch in your lungs. Luckily, you were seated so you didn’t have to rely on your legs that always felt numb when he talked to you like that, “I like wearing your clothes, smells like you.” You say softly back to him, reaching up a hand to tangle in the back of his hair and pull his lips to yours for a deep kiss.

Bucky groans at the feel of your lips on his. You were like his favorite liquor- making him love drunk with every touch. Every touch from you felt like a gift to him. He couldn’t begin to describe the fire you made him feel. He places one hand on your thigh and the other on the back of your neck, pulling your lips rougher against his and took advantage of the small whimper that passed your lips for his tongue to sneak into your mouth, entangling with yours. Finally pulling away for oxygen, he leans his forehead against yours, “Your pancakes are goin’ to get cold, doll.” He said with that crooked grin, “We can finish that up later."

While you two ate, you discussed the plans for the day. Bucky said he had to go to work for a little but should be back soon and you told him you had to return some books to the library and pick up some new ones to read. You stood up with your plate, on the way to the sink when you ran your hip into the side of the counter, dropping the glass plate to the floor and watching it shatter to pieces. You gasped and brought your hands up to your mouth, tears welling up in your eyes as you look over to Bucky. Anytime you broke something with Charlie it was met with yelling and a few hard slaps to your face. You started spewing out apologetic sobs, “Oh god… I’m.. I’m sorry…”

Bucky stood, noticing the way you reacted and how your eyes immediately started releasing tears. He walks slowly towards you, “Shhh, doll.” He said gently, “It was an accident.” He gently wraps his arms around your waist and picks you up, placing you seated on the counter, “Are you okay? Didn’t step in any glass did you?” He gently takes your cheeks into his palm, looking into your eyes with a comforting smile.

You shook your head, “N-no.” You whisper to him, your body shaking slightly in muscle memory as you expected to be punished for breaking the plate, “I’m really sorry… It was my fault and-“ “Stop, sweetheart.” Bucky said softly, cutting you off, “It was an accident. Accidents happen.” He said before gently placing a kiss to your forehead, “You don’t have to apologize. Nobody is upset with you and nobody is going to hurt you. Now breathe with me, okay? In….. Out…”

You breathed in deeply with Bucky’s words and slowly released the air in your lungs, feeling yourself calm down. You did it a few more times with him before reaching up a hand and wiping your tears away on the sleeve of his flannel you wore, “I’m sorry, Bucky..” You breathed out to him, slowly leaning your head on his shoulder, “It’s been bad lately with the holiday coming up… I know you’d never hurt me.”

Bucky wraps his arms around you, rubbing your back softly as you leaned your head on his shoulder, smiling to himself at your warmth you always brought him when you were close, “I know, doll.” He whispers back to you, “I know it’s a hard time for you and that’s alright. I’m here for you.”

After you helped Bucky clean up the shattered plate from the floor and the rest of the dishes from breakfast, you gave him a tight hug and a soft kiss before he left for work. He lovingly stroked your cheek with his calloused fingers and told you that he loves you as he did everyday before he left for work. You managed to talk Steve into going to the library with you, though it didn’t take much convincing. He was happy to help you out especially since he knew you were having such a hard time. Plus there were some new books he wanted to give a read also.

“Thanks for coming with me, Stevie.” You said with a small smile up to him as you walked into the library and placed your books into the return slot.

Steve gave you a gentle smile, his hands tucked into his jeans, “No problem, haven’t been here for a while. I need to catch up on some reading.”

“I’ll be over there if you need me.” You said, pointing over to a section of the library before making your way over. You usually would check out a mixture of books from fantasy to art books but today you felt the need to glance over the self-help books. Maybe there would be something that would help you figure out how to get rid of the hold you felt Charlie still had over you. You grabbed one of the books off the shelf, flipping through the pages and reading some of the passages when you heard a woman clear her throat. You turn your gaze to look at the older woman and instantly froze. Charlie’s mother, Rose.

“Y/N.” The woman said to you, “Haven’t seen you in a long while.”

You bit into your cheek hard enough until you could taste copper in your mouth from blood, “Yeah… Hi, Rose.”

“It’s Mrs. Baker to you now, Y/N.” She said, folding her arms and giving you a soft glare.

As long as you have known Charlie’s mom, you two didn’t get alone. Anything you had ever done in her eyes was never enough and she would always criticize saying that Charlie needed to teach you to be a better woman, “I’m sorry, Mrs. Baker.” You said softly, looking down to the floor.

Rose took the book from your hand in one swipe, “What are you doing in this section?” She asks before reading the cover of the book, “Your Life After Trauma: Powerful Practices to Reclaim Your Identity….” She scoffed and looked at you, “Still living a lie? Going around telling everybody that my son hurt you?”

You opened your mouth to speak but no words came out, instead biting onto your cheek again as you looked at her with sad eyes.

Rose pushed the book back to your chest, forcing you to grab ahold of it. She took a step closer to you, pointing one of her fingers in your face, “My son tried with you. Tried to turn you into a woman worthy of being his wife even though I told him you were a waste of time.” She hissed out.

“What’s going on here?” Steve asked, suddenly appearing beside you after hearing some of the conversation. He had a deep frown on his face and was glaring daggers at the woman who seemed to be scolding you.

The woman looks at Steve before her eyes returned to you, “I wouldn’t trust this one, young man. She’s a liar and a manipulator- she will ruin your reputation.” She hissed out before turning to walk away.

You frowned and walked forward, “I’m not a liar, Mrs. Baker.” You said, finding your courage as you gripped the book in shaking hands, “Your son is a monster. Anything that has been done to his reputation is his own fault from the way he beat me. You should be just as upset that he dared to lay a violent hand on a woman.”

Mrs. Baker turned to face you, listening to your words with narrowed eyes. Once you finished your piece, she scoffed at you with a roll of her eyes before walking away.

Steve walked forward to stand beside you and looked at you as you still stared off after her, tears slowly slipping down your face as you clutched the book tightly to your chest. He sighed and placed a hand on your shoulder softly, “You alright?”

You sniffled and nod slowly, blinking yourself back into reality, “Yeah… That was… That was Charlie’s mom…” You stammer out quietly, looking down at the floor again.

Steve let out another sigh and a shake of his head. Geez, you couldn’t catch a break, “C’mon. Let’s get the rest of the books you want then we will go out for some feel good food.” He said softly, wrapping his arm around your shoulder to help you feel safe. He had taken on the role as a big brother to you over the past year and hated seeing you upset almost as much as Bucky did, “Burgers, fries, and milkshakes on me.”

You nod and gave him a half smile before returning to quickly picking out the books you wanted. Steve stayed close to you in case Charlie’s monster of a mother came back to give you another earful, walking you up to the counter to check out your books before heading to the car and stopping at one of the diners. You sat across from him, dipping fries into your chocolate milkshake. You were already feeling a little better after the horrible interaction with Charlie’s mom. You eyed Steve suspiciously when he kept ordering more baskets of fries even though both of you were barely touching them, already full from the burgers, “You’re up to something, aren’t you?”

Steve looked at you with a small smile, leaning back in the opposite side of the booth, “Me? Up to something?” He asks, “Never.”

You point a french fry at him, your eyes narrowing, “You’re lying.” You stated before dipping your fry in your chocolate milkshake, “But you bought me food so I’ll let it go. For now.”

You had been out of the house for hours with Steve and you knew he was distracting you but couldn’t figure out why. Eventually Steve checked his phone before waving the waitress down for the check where you two argued about splitting it before he ended up paying for the whole lunch. You kept eyeing him suspiciously the whole car ride home as he wore a big goofy grin on his lips like he knew something you didn’t. When he pulled up to the house, you saw Bucky’s truck in the driveway and you look over to Steve, “I thought he was working today?”

Steve smiled over to you, pulling in the driveway and turning off the car, “He was working. Just not at work.” He informed, getting out of the car.

You get out and follow him up the steps of the house, giving him one last suspicious look as he opened the door for you. You walked in and froze, looking around the living room. It was like Christmas had literally just thrown-up all over the house. There was a tall tree in the living room decorated beautiful, fresh poinsettias on every surface and stockings hung up on the mantle with yours, Bucky’s, and Steve’s names on them written sloppily in silver glitter. Then your eyes fall on Bucky who was standing there with a Santa Hat on and holding a box wrapped in gold wrapping paper, “Bucky…” You breathed out as you walked towards him.

Bucky set the present down on the coffee table before wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him as he wore that big cocky grin on his lips, “Figured you needed some Christmas Spirit…” He murmurs out to you before pressing a kiss to your lips, “You didn’t get a Christmas last year because of all the shit. So I’m going to give you the best Christmas you’ve ever had, sweetheart.”

Your lips slowly curved up into a smile at him, your eyes for the first time in a long time filling with happy tears, “It’s beautiful and perfect.” You whisper to him, wrapping your arms up and around his neck, “Thank you.”

Bucky smiles, kissing your cheeks as the tears fell to kiss them away, “Almost perfect.” He said, releasing you from his grasp and picking the gold wrapped present back up and holding it out for you, “This is for you. Early Christmas gift.”

You took the box, gently unwrapping the paper and setting it aside before opening the box. You gasped at the nutcrackers staring back at you. Almost similar to the ones your grandmother had given you, the ones Charlie had broken last year. You gently ran your fingers over one of their faces, “They’re almost the same…” You whisper out, swallowing a sob. You suddenly frown up to Bucky, “I didn’t get you anything…”

Bucky grabs the box of nutcrackers, putting it down on the coffee table before wrapping one arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest as his other hand went up to the back of your neck, “Yes you did.” He replied with a grin, “You gave me your heart and love. That’s the best gift I could’ve ever received, sweetheart.”

You smile and blush at his words, standing on your toes and pressing your lips to his soft ones, pushing yourself against his body until he lifted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist with a soft giggle, “I can think of another gift to give you…” You whisper with another giggle after trailing kisses up his jaw, smiling when you heard a small groan pass his lips.

“Dear god, at least take it upstairs.” Steve interrupts, adverting his eyes from the view of you tangled in Bucky’s arms, legs around his waist as Bucky’s hands had moved to rest on your ass.

“Gladly.” Bucky growls out, tightening his grip on you as he started for the stairs to take you up into the bedroom. He moved his hands to squeeze your bottom slightly as you left lingering kisses along his neck, nipping at his skin. He groans again then chuckles, “Oh, sweetheart… I love you.”

_____________________________________________________________

Permanent Taglist: @buckypops @bibliophilewednesday@stcrryslibrary @redhairedfeistynerd

@shawnie--jo @bvckys-doll Here is the part two for Last Love since we needed some fluffy happiness (:

[lxngbottom]

Mistakes That Last Forever. | N.L. (Part 2)

in which neville tries to get his life back.

warnings: mentions of cheating, swearing (lmk if there are more!)

im crying over this fic PLS

(PART 1)

—

the shower felt wonderful as it collided with your skin. the stress that had been building up from the past week due to seeing neville, and work, was seemingly all being washed away. you could hear neville jr in the living room, muttering small scenarios as he used his imagination to play with his toys.

but, the small peace that your house held was soon disturbed by your house phone ringing. you sighed, hoping that it wasn’t your boss demanding at you turn in that article draft you had promised him.

“mummy! the phone is ringing!” your son called out, and you could hear that he had ran to the bathroom door in order to inform you.

“um—i know!” you replied, “can you be a big boy and answer it for me? just like we talked about?! ask to take a message, okay?”

“okay!”

you heard his hurried footsteps exit the hallway, and you continued your now, limited shower as quickly as you could.

neville jr reached up and picked up the phone, putting it to his ear in excitement. this was the first time you let him use the adult phone, and he couldn’t be more thrilled,

“uh... hello? longbottom—well... y/l/n residence!”

he made an odd face as he realized he has already messed up what you told him to say if someone had ever called.

the person on the other line smiled to himself, hearing that small, fragile voice. he sounded just like he used to when he was younger.

“hi... is your mum there?” neville asked awkwardly, shifting awkwardly in his seat as the realization that he was talking to his son was hitting him.

neville jr crooked his lips as he looked down the hall, “um... she’s in the shower...” he began to try and remember what you had told him to say, “uh—um... merlin... oh!” he finally remembered. “can i take a message for you?”

the boy had such a sweet voice. he was filled with such innocence. the shame of missing out on his son growing up had already hit neville, and he had been in a big slum for the last week due to that.

“yes... can you tell her that neville called? it’s important that she knows...”

neville jr then furrowed his eyebrows, “hey! that’s my name!” he snapped, “i didn’t call my own house!”

neville on the other line chuckled at the boy’s obliviousness, “no! that’s my name, too, lad. i’m—uh... your—“

just as he was about to tell his son the truth, you came stomping out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around your body, and your hair as well. you ran over to your son, who was still holding the phone.

“who is it?” you asked, already grabbing the phone from his grasp,

“uh... neville? he has the same name as i do, mum!”

your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach, and you tried to play it off by sending your son a small smile.

“that’s... nice, sweetheart. but... go play for a few minutes, okay?”

the boy nodded his head, and went right back to the center of the living room, and continued to play with his cars. you glanced over at him, putting the phone up to your ear, hands shaky from anxiety.

“hello?” you started, looking down awkwardly at the numbers on the phone.

“oh... hey, y/n.”

yep. it was neville.

“how did you get my number, longbottom?” you asked in a low whisper, glancing over at your son once more,

neville let out an awkward chuckle, “well... it’s not that hard to get into contact with the journalist of the daily prophet, y/n.” he teased slightly, maybe trying to lighten the mood, “i just need to talk to you.”

you sighed, gritting your teeth slightly, “about what, neville?”

“about... seeing him. seeing both of you. ever since i saw you both last week... i haven’t been sleeping, or eating... i want to make things right. i deserve that, y/n. i need to see my son...”

you knew it was coming, but, you had hoped it would at least be a few more years.

“neville—“

“y/n, i can’t keep doing this. i can’t keep walking throughout my life miserable. i know i’ve done awful things to you, and i know there is nothing in this world that i could possibly ever do to make it up to you. but, please... that’s my son. maybe this is my opportunity to do the right thing. an opportunity to get my life back...”

you huffed at his words, “you didn’t even know he existed until a week ago!”

“yeah, because you never told me! you know for a fact that if you would’ve told me the truth, that i would’ve been there for everything! there’s a lot i have to owe up to, but don’t forget that you lied to me! you kept me away from my son for his whole life because you were hurt over a mistake!”

“a mistake that you made, asshole!” you clapped back through teary eyes, “i figured... hey! maybe if neville wants to go back to being an immature teenager and cheat on me, then how in world would he ever be a good father?! i wasn’t even sure that you would even be committed to him, neville! because, you sure weren’t committed to me!”

the tension that radiated through the static on the phone was terrifying. the only thing that could be heard was your small sniffles, and neville’s agitated sighs on the other end. you were so hurt. you had always been so hurt due to what had happened.

“y/n...” neville sighed, “please. just let me make this right. let me make it up to you... and to him. please... i’ll do anything.”

you thought for a moment, considering all of the positives and the negatives of this whole situation. you knew he was right, he did deserve to see his son. but, you didn’t know if that would be the right thing for your son himself.

“fine...” you breathed, “you can come and see him. i’ll send you an owl, soon...”

neville had never felt more relieved.

“thank you. thank you, y/n. i promise i’ll—“

but, you cut him off by slamming the phone back onto the hook. your face fell into the palm of your hand as you let out a small sob, overwhelmed by the sudden old feelings that were rushing back into your veins.

“mummy...”

you didn’t look at him. you couldn’t look at him.

“you’re crying, mum. what’s wrong?” he asked, slowly walking over to you, “was it that man on the phone?”

you finally looked down at him, seeing the worried look etched across his round, chubby face. you crouched down to meet his height, reaching your hand up to caress his face gently. you had always done that, because it was something that you always did to neville when he was worried or sad.

“mummy’s alright, baby... she’s just stressed out. but... i need to talk to you about something, alright?”

that’s when his face became even more worried, “as i in trouble?”

you chuckled through your tears at your son’s overthinking, “no, no, of course not. it’s just... there’s something i haven’t told you...”

“what is it, mum?”

you sighed, finally ready to have the talk.

—

that morning had started off chaotic. it was a mix of you trying to get ready, neville rummaging through his closet in order to find the perfect outfit, as he was a big boy now, and he wanted to get ready all by himself.

“neville longbottom! have you brushed your teeth?!” you yelled from the living room, trying to pick up the small mess of toys that was spread throughout the floor.

neville in his room widened his eyes, realizing that he indeed had not brushed his teeth.

“i’m going to take that as a no!” you yelled, referring to the silence, “go and do it, please! he’ll be here at any minute!”

neville jr was probably just as nervous as you were, as he had subconsciously had always questioned where his father had been, but never asked. but ever since that long conversation the two of you had, he was finally ready to meet him. you on the other hand, felt as if you could throw up at any given moment.

you were only in your bra and underwear as you cleaned, trying your best not to mess up your applied makeup. you ran to your room after you were done, and started going through your closet. you and neville jr would always wake up late, as for some reason, you two loved getting your beauty sleep. the both of you were used to rushing through your shared home, getting ready while doing ten other things at the same time. time management was definitely something you needed to teach him, and maybe even teach yourself.

“mum! i can’t find my socks!” you heard your son call out, his voice shaky.

“um—check in your top drawer, sweetie! there should be a clean pair in there!” you yelled back, slipping on a sun dress and zipping it up in the back. you looked in the mirror, and noticed that you hadn’t even done your hair. it was still wet from the shower you had taken,

“fuck!” you groaned, running to your personal bathroom and grabbing your hairbrush.

“mum! that’s a bad word!”

“i’m sorry! i’m just really stressed out! are you almost ready?”

there was silence for a moment before he responded, “um... yeah?”

he wasn’t ready, of course.

you felt as if you could crack at any moment, but you were trying your best to hold back the tears. maybe this would’ve been a lot easier if you two had actually woken up when you were supposed to.

that’s when the doorbell rang, and your heart seemed to stop beating for a moment. you sighed, mentally preparing yourself as you grabbed your flats from your closet, and walked through the house to the front door.

when you arrived, you shakily unlocked it and opened the door.

that’s when you saw him. he held a small bouquet of flowers in one hand, and a small gift box in the other. he smiled at you, taking in how absolutely ravishing you looked.

“um—come in...” you told him, opening the door. he stepped in, and began to follow you through the house, leading to your living room. “just—ignore the mess, please! we woke up late, and i didn’t have time to clean the kitchen and—“

“hey, hey, hey...” he interrupted you, setting the items down on the couch. “it’s fine, y/n. i understand... no need to explain.”

you looked over at him, and for a moment, you began to get lost in his gentle eyes. neville had always been so patient with you. he never judged you, nor ever would judge you. he knew you from the inside out, and he could tell how stressed out you were in that moment.

“mummy!” you heard, and the two of you whipped your head around to see a struggling smaller neville, trying to get his sweater on over his jumper. you giggled as his head was getting stuck in the hole, “it won’t go on!” he huffed aggressively, his arms flailing around.

you walked over to him, and pulled the sweater vest down over his head easily. he looked at you for a moment, an appreciative smile on his face. but then, he caught a glance at the smiling man that stood just ways away from you. he hid behind your leg, still nervous out his mind.

“neville...” you muttered, trying to get him to not be so shy, “come on...”

he shook his head, now burying his face in the material of your dress.

you looked over at neville, who had a sad look on his face.

“he’s shy... but... he’ll come around.” you reassured the man.

of course he was shy. he was neville longbottom’s son for merlin’s sake.

neville wearily made his way over to the both of you, the gift box now in his hand. he crouched down by your knee, letting your cherry blossom lotion take over his senses.

“this—it’s for you...” he offered, holding the gift box up to the small boy. neville jr peeked his head around your leg, eyeing the color wrapped box. “go on... it’s yours...”

neville jr finally gave in, his childish mind not being to help itself as he reached out, and grabbed the box from his father’s hand. he slowly showed himself, ripping the wrapping up.

he squealed when he finally got it open.

“mum, look!” he held the toy up in his hand, “look how cool!”

you smiled down at your lovely son, “i see it, honey. what do you say?”

neville jr looked up at his dad, batting his eyelashes a few times.

“thank you...”

neville sent him a sweet smile,

“no problem...”

—

the day had been simple. you, neville, and neville jr did nothing but relax, play with toys, talk about your old days at hogwarts, ordered pizza for lunch, and you even made a nice dinner by the time the night had came along. it brought you a feeling of serenity, as this had always been your dream for you and neville.

“can i have a goodnight kiss?” you asked neville jr as you tucked him in. he nodded his head, and pecked your cheek, then settled back into his blanket.

“goodnight, mum...” he told you sweetly,

neville watched as you tucked your son in, glancing around the boy’s room every now and then. he had noticed how much of an amazing mother you were the whole day, but, he would’ve never expected less.

neville jr looked over at the tall man, hiding his face shyly.

“goodnight, daddy...”

the nickname made you look over at neville, who seemed to be in some sort of state of shock. but, he sent the boy a small smile.

“goodnight, nev. get some rest...”

you stood up from your son’s bed, and slowly made your way towards the door.

“will you still be here tomorrow when i wake up?”

the question made you and neville’s head turn, and you were still trying your best to hold it together.

neville wiped his nose awkwardly, “not sure about that one, lad. but, i’ll definitely see you in a couple of days. maybe... you can come to my house and meet my pets, huh? that sound good?”

the question seemed to be aimed towards your son, but just by looking at neville, he seemed to be asking the both of you.

“yeah... that sounds good...” neville jr replied, offering the both of you a weak yawn. he rubbed his eyes, and cuddled into his stuffed toad.

you smiled as you turned the light off, and neville stepped out of the room.

“goodnight, darling. i’ll see you in the morning.”

and with that, you closed his door softly, and began to walk back to the living room.

neville watched as you started to clean up, even at one point offering to help you.

“it’s fine...” you told him as he went to pick up a toy, “i don’t need your help...”

you hadn’t noticed it, but neville definitely had. you were now crying, tears streaming down your face as you continued to pick toys up, and set them into the box that sat beside you. the emotions from today were now taking an affect on you, and as much as you tried to ignore them, your body needed some sort of release.

“y/n...” neville muttered, and you looked over at him, breaking his heart when he saw your eyeliner smudging, “what’s wrong?”

you sighed as you picked the box up, and put it back in its place over the by the couch.

“nothing... just exhausted. i have to get something into my boss for work, and i just—“

“don’t lie to me.”

you furrowed your eyebrows at him, “i’m not—“

“yes, you are. i can tell.” he interjected, walking closer to you. “you can tell me... please tell me.”

you pondered for a moment, wondering if you should actually let the words slip your lips.

“it’s just—“ you began, trying to collect your thoughts. neville gazed at you intently, “it’s just hard seeing you. and... seeing you with him is even worse.”

“why?”

you bit down on your bottom lip, something you had always done when you were trying to hold back tears, “because... i suppose i just thought that—maybe... that would’ve been us. all these years... you would’ve done all the stuff you did with him today everyday. i had always dreamt of us having a family together... but... i just wasn’t good enough for you.”

neville’s breath hitched at your words. he felt his stomach churn with guilt, and sadness as well.

“y/n... you were more than good enough for me. i was just—a fucking git. i was so... stupid for what i did. and, i probably won’t ever be able to make it up to you...”

you chuckled nervously, “well... at least there’s a chance to make it up to him.”

he stepped even closer to you, only a small gap between your nervous bodies. he slowly reached his hand up, and wiped away the single tear that was treading down your cheek. he ran that same hand through your hair, that familiar feeling settling in, ever so present between you both.

“yeah... but something tells me that you want me to make it up to you, as well, y/n...”

his touch was so gracious. it felt so familiar, and you couldn’t help but to fall into it. his thumb caressed your skin, feeling all of the familiar bumps and roughness. he felt as if he collapse, as he was only just now realizing that he was finally touching you again.

“it doesn’t matter what i want, neville. that hasn’t mattered since i had our son. all that matters is him now.”

neville took a beat of silence before responding, his eyes trailing to your lips.

“it does matter.”

that’s when he planted his soft lips upon yours, relishing in the serenity of you.

it was a kiss that was long overdue. a kiss that said so much but nothing all at the same time. oh, how he missed you. and oh... how you missed him so much more.

when you two finally pulled away, his palm still rested against your cheek, and he admired you.

“i’m sorry for everything. but what i said was true... i want my life back. and y/n... you and neville are my life.”