#he's also lactose intolerant but drinks it anyways ]

[swordfaery]

bought a fuckton of like. cow milk bcos i wanted to make scones n you need milk to make scones. it goes off considerably faster than like. the soy milk and oat milk im used to drinking + it comes in a bigger bottle. i have like four days to drink a litre of milk im desparately chugging tea that is always too milky bcos for some reason a splash of cow milk has more milk than oat milk and it tastes of milk and im literally gonna go to tesco n buy some fucking cereal at this rate idk what to do it doesnt taste nice either

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Chap

Debut: Super Paper Mario

For today's post we will be talking about some guy. Just some guy off the street. This is Chap, who sure is a chap. A fellow. Doggone it, he might even be a sort of character! Let's learn about this guy.

Chap loves milk. It is an obsession, quite frankly. He spends all his time at the local milk bar, either drinking milk or talking about milk. And something about this is just so unwholesome to me. There's just something about milk, you know? Maybe you don't. It might just be me. I'm not lactose intolerant or anything, I just don't like the mouth feeling or aftertaste of milk.

Not Chap though! He loves everything about milk! He jokes that milk runs through his veins. He has once worried that it ACTUALLY does, and went to a doctor about it. And maybe it does! We are not explicitly told otherwise. Let's see what the side effects of too much milk are.

Here's Chap looking in the other direction while you wait, if you were really itching for another Chap Image. A Chap Snapshot. A Chapshot, even. That sounds weird, actually! Just a Chap Image, please! Thank you.

Anyway, Milk. You may be thinking Chap's bones must be really strong, with all his milk! He doesn't look much like he has bones, but he does have veins, so sure why not. However, too much milk may lead to increased chance of bone fractures! Uh oh, he's a brittle boy! And if that wasn't enough, it might also lead to increased likelihood of prostate cancer. Oh no, Chap from Super Paper Mario! Your prostate! Everything in moderation! This isn't worth your weird character gimmick!

Super Paper Mario also has a whole different guy whose name is also Chap! But this post isn't about him.

[tizeline]

Question: is your raph allergic from peanut butter? And if so how did he found out he is?

Did he ate it on breakfast and then the allergies started?

Well he is allergic to peanuts in canon, so I don't see any reason to change it, so yeah!

I don't know how exactly they figured it out, but it's mentioned in the show that Mikey likes peanut butter ("-eats peanutbutter with his fingers-") so maybe Mikey was just eating peanutbutter, Raph walks into the room and almost fucking dies lmao

On that note, Draxum made the turtles to be extra tough super soldier, right? And because of that I always headcanoned that he made them extra resistant towards posions and other damaging substances and such. So imagine Draxum's suprise when one of his creatons he specifically bio-engineered to be as tough as possible goes into anaphylactic shock from something as common as peanuts, quite the oversight on his part honestly. (After that scare Draxum starts to frantically check if his kids have any other allergies he was unaware of, because holy shit)

Side note though, I always headcanoned that the turtles (in both the AU and in canon) are lactose intolerant. Like. They're reptiles, not mammals, why would they drink milk. And sure, them being mutants mean that they don't exactly have normal turtle diets and for the most part they can eat anything that normal humans eat. But also, most mammals only drink milk while young, from my understanding we're not really "supposed" to drink milk into adulthood, humans are just weird and stubborn and kept doing it anyway XD And even then, based on my 2 seconds of research, like 60-70% of humans are lactose intolerant too. All of this is to say, the turtles are totally lactose intolerant in my mind. I don't think they get very serious symptoms or anything, callback to Draxum making them pretty tough and resistant, but they're not gonna go around drinking a bunch of milk cuz it gives them a tummy ache :(

[lordofthetwistedflies]

☆☆Assorted Yuurivoice Headcanons!!!☆☆

Seth is lactose intolerant

Alphonse listens to Ayesha Erotica (Emo Boy is his whole vibe)

Charlie gets anxious over the phone

Lucien eats raw meat (like,,, white meat too. It's a problem)

Faust has trypophobia and makes it everyone's issue

Auron is not licensed to carry, and owns guns anyway because he's rich and therefore above the law.

Finn went to a private school until high school

Seth didn't go to college, but if he did it would have been for engineering.

Faust listens to true crime podcasts unironically

Alphonse doesn't drink anymore.

Finn has separation anxiety (but is also generally worried about bothering people so he just implodes)

Seth is hemophilic

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for going almost full Karen at a chain coffee shop

A few days ago I went to a local chain coffee shop and ordered a hot cinnamon-brown sugar latte with oat milk and a cookie, which has been my go-to at that chain for a very long time. When the worker called my name he handed me an iced drink which was whatever I wasn't going to make a fuss over that. However, after taking a sip I noticed something was amiss and I asked: "This is oat milk right?" And the guy responded, "No, it's regular milk." And I said: "I ordered and paid extra for oat milk." To which he told me "I can't make that kind of latte with oat milk. I also didn't charge you for the oat milk so deal with it."

Annoyed at this point, I asked if there was a manager and if I could see them. He sighed and walked off. A few moments later he came back followed by his supervisor. The woman asked me "What's going on here?" So I explained the situation and she told me "Well, he told me you didn't specify oat milk and didn't charge you for the oat milk." I tried to argue that my order cost me what it should have cost if I had been charged for the oat milk (again, it's my regular order at this particular chain) and the supervisor basically sided with her worker. That was until the other worker (AKA my saving grace) who was the only other person there, turned to the supervisor and said "She definitely ordered her drink with oat milk. He was just too lazy to grab it from the storage fridge so he just used regular milk." At this point the kid who had made my drink was like "I don't see what the big deal is, it's just milk."

Now this is where might be where I'm the jerk. I'm not allergic to milk, nor am I lactose intolerant or vegan, I just prefer to take my coffee with oat milk, but I lied and said "It is a big deal, I can't have milk for medical reasons." To this the supervisor's face went pale, then red with anger as she turned to the kid and said "Go in the back for now, I'll deal with you once I remake her drink." She quickly made me the drink I ordered and apologized profusely then briskly walked away. Another reason why I might be the jerk is because I also took the original latte I had been given and gave it to my brother (I mean they were only going to dump it out anyway). So AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[softspace-fics]

I have a rant and it's stupid but it's a rant

I do not like milk I have NEVER liked milk and in my brain milk is ONLY allowed on cereal and with cookies (also I'm probably lactose intolerant or something because the bathroom trips are NOT worth it)

Now with all that being said I understand littles wanting that nostalgic feeling when drinking milk or you might like it in general idk whatever the reason you do you

But I need to read a fic with a sleepy little and one of the Marvel men carrying they around the kitchen while setting up the tea kettle, then walking over to a cabin with decades worth of a tea collection (calling myself out rn I have tea from before I was born passed to me from my grandma it's still good) but after preparing the bottle with beautifully brewed tea they sit with they're little feeding them till they pass out

Anyway thank you for coming to my rant/Ted talk you can 100% ignore this I hope you have a good day

Cabin time!

Steve rogers x Bucky barnes x Little!gn reader

Masterlist - All my work!

A/N - I really hope you like this! I was so excited to write this because I absolutely relate to you, I hate milk, I write it in a lot of my stories because I know a lot of littles love milk, but I absolutely agree that it's just not worth the bathroom trips at all-. But this story is one of my favorites that I have written so far. I hope you like it!! (P.s I was so tempted to write this as Strange x Tony but I feel like Steve and Bucky would have centuries of tea that they collect)

Warnings: None! Pure fluff.

____________

You buzzed with excitement as you watched the trees past you. The smell of the rainforest surrounding you in the car as your two favorite caregivers sit in the front seats, a lofi playlist playing softly through the speakers.

You clutch your favorite stuffie in your hand, your paci safely in your mouth, giggles filling your throat, alerting your papa that you were awake.

“Morning sunshine, were about 10 minutes out.” Steve glanced back at you from the rear-view window, smiling as he sees your relaxed but excited state.

You mumble something incoherent behind your pacifier as a response which makes both of your caregivers chuckle. Bucky turns slightly in his seat to face you in the back seat watching the sparkle in your eyes that grows every second from seeing the trees that you all love so much.

You, Steve, and Bucky all like to go up to your cabin every November where its a little colder and stay there for about 2 weeks, away from anything and everything that could take them away from you. They make sure that they leave their jobs back at home when they're with you in the cabin, being your caregivers and loving you dearly.

When you guys arrive at the Cabin, your Dada climbs out of the passenger seat and helps you out of the backseat, carrying you with his metal arm as he helps Steve carry some bags with his other.

He walks up to the cabin with you clutching his shirt and you happily laying on his shoulder, comforted by his touch and his smell. He kisses your head as your papa opens the door. ITs later in the day, the sun begins to set behind the trees and the night creatures begin to wake. This means that the boys want to get you in and settle in time to hopefully get you down for bed at a reasonable time.

Your dada sets down the bags he carried in before heading to drop you into your play pen that looked like you left it when you left last november. Your precious toys need a serious catch up of blabbled and stories, so your dada sets you in there so him and your papa could unload the car.

You pick up the bunny sitting near you and begin to play, telling your old friends about your best friends Peter and Stephen, how you guys would cause your caregivers a hard time all for the giggles and laughs. Getting up to no good is fun with your best friends.

The two finish bringing in the items from the car before steve comes over and scoops you up with your bunny and turtle friend, kissing your nose and crading you in his chest.

You look up at him with droopy eyes, the nap in the car not sufficing for keeping you awake to far past bedtime. You drop one of the stuffied to ball steves shirt in your hand before burying your face in his chest, the comfort of your papa settling in.

“Does my sleepy baby want some tea?” Steve softly whispers as he begins to walk to the cabins kitchen. You nod into his chest, your favorite drink sounds wonderful right now.

You had always struggled with the taste texture and how milk made you feel, so you loved tea, any time you could, big or little you were drinking tea. When you were little it was your favorite thing to have before you go to bed, some nice herbal tea while being held by the people you felt the safest with.

Steve carries you around the kitchen, filling the kettle and placing it on the stove while keeping you securely in his arms. He leaves little kisses on your head as he grabs your favorite tea out of the cabinet, and grabbing a bottle that can safely hold the warm drink.

Once the kettle gets warm enough that the waters just almost boiling, he pulls it off the heat and carefully puts together your tea. Making sure to keep anything hot away from you until the bottles made and ready for you to drink.

You both walk out of the kitchen to bucky on the couch in comfortable clothes and some blankets surrounding him, he has your favorite movie to watch when you get to the cabin set up and hes so ready for some cuddles.

Steve sits down next to bucky with you in his arms, he puts the bottle of tea to your lips as bucky softly pulls your legs onto his lap, rubbing gentle small circles on your calf as he presses play on the movie.

Life was perfect.

[mwolf0epsilon]

Lich, during early meal: Quick question, can you drink expired milk?

Fives, blinking in confusion: Uh... N-no?

Jesse, looking at Lich: Dude, what?

Kix, without even looking away from his datapad: Absolutely not!

Hardcase: It's... It's expired. The milk is expired. As in. It's bad.

Dogma, sighing: I mean, you shouldn't but you can. Whether or not you're capable of doing so isn't in question. But the consequences are extreme diarrhoea. Also we're all lactose intolerant so that's a two way road to dehydration and stomach cramps anyway...

Tup: Yeah, you're gonna hug the porcelain throne for the rest of your life if you do that.

Sponge: Everyone shut up. Lich... Lich why are you asking?

Lich:

Sponge: So help me gods, Lich did you drink expired milk?

Lich: No.

Sponge: Then why are you asking?

Lich, pointing: Because that fellow over there is guzzling the cartons that are being collected for disposal...

Everyone, turning to look where he's pointing:

Crayfish, chugging carton after carton of expired milk to the absolute horror of Geoduck and Conch who are watching helplessly:

Sponge, screaming in horror:

Lich: Uh... I guess that's a no on the drinking expired milk thing.

[whyoneartheven]

What head canons do you have for the LU boys? (Yes, this is a request for you to ramble about them)

aaaahhh hello! Thanks for asking, but wow, goodness me

this will take some thinking XD

umm

ok a lot of these are a lil generic or just other people’s ideas I kinda adopted but here goes!

also I didn’t expect it when I started but this got long…

for Legend, I really like the idea of him drinking tea and still having an apple orchard. And also having honey bees! (These aren’t mine originally lol) Also I feel like post LU (this ofc may change depending on the ending) he fell into depression a little bit before digging himself out with Ravio and Zelda’s help… he cut his hair during this time. idk I just feel like that would happen. I like the idea of him having a good singing voice. (merperson stuff but also even beforehand. He definitely sang lovely duets with Marin once she taught him how) Also I feel like he’s one of those people that’s always cold! So he secretly likes to cuddle :)

with Wild, I feel like… he definitely doesn’t use recipes! This is based off how I am in his game and irl, as I just throw things together and never go back to see how I made things before, but also I feel like it just fits his personality! I think it would be hilarious if he named his horses at first after anything that had an impact on him so like, one horse is named Zelda and another is Stir Fry. Or smth XDDD Also based on my experiences in game (to an extent), I feel like he doesn’t actually care about legitimately looking fashionable… it’s more that he likes wearing things that looks crazy XD

on to Hyrule! Ok this isn’t as much a headcanon as a ship but I really ship him and Aurora; I feel like they’d be absolutely adorable together but he’s really private about it! I like to think Hyrule can sew? And I think he’d love to run around barefoot on fresh grass! And just, be in love with nature in general! And maybe he doesn’t have an eye for color; he can’t tell if colors clash or actually match. Also is it just me or does he feel like out of the entire chain he could easily be a Studio Ghibli protagonist? Just me? Idk lol

Time! I like the idea of Time and Malon having a running joke that the other is color blind, and the chain eventually picks it up! And then Time keeps mistaking one color for another (on purpose or not? We’ll never know), and every time the others go wild XD (this may or may not be based on a joke my parents have irl hehe). When Time first met Malon he was very very lactose intolerant. And drank it anyway, of course! also I feel like Time really likes flowers? Idk why! And finally, if Time was in the modern world he’d be the guy who’d be eating food months to years past the expiration date…

Four, my beloved! Umm this is kinda a design idea more than anything but I like the idea of him growing his hair out and wearing it in a ponytail post LU! (provided he doesn’t die…) I don’t think of him as having voices in his head or being a system but I still like the idea of him talking to himself sometimes XD! Also this is just something canon I don’t see talked abt a lot but I love he and Twi’s relationship sm! Four totally has RBF and definitely stares at people accidentally when he’s thinking… also I saw a crack fic somewhere where Four was already married to Dot and had children and the chain were shocked; it was hilarious, and while I don’t think he would actually have kids yet, I think it’d be hilarious if he and his Zelda are already quite far along in their relationship (as I ship them lol)

the man, the myth, the legend, WIND, is next! This man has Opinions. I feel like he’s the kind of person so have opinions on things he’s only heard of two seconds before, like automatically deciding he will like a food or deciding the other way round. (And yeahhhh I’m basing him on my brother lol) I’m definitely not the one to come up with this but Wind is probably the one with the best (and most opinionated) fashion sense (most of the others are just hopeless in varying degrees so it isn’t hard)! Maybe older him bonded with young Wars in the War of Eras over this (bc I love the idea of older wind being there), Idk XD! Also he definitely braids Aryll’s hair and is generally very responsible (I mean he’s a big brother he’s gotta be XD); he starts off almost treating LU as a bit of a vacation! Nothing will go wrong, his family is safe, and he gets new friends :D

Warriors, the wonderful man, is next! I feel like he’s very nostalgic and a little sappy. Like, just in general. He likes to look back on his happy memories! Also (once again not my idea) but I like the idea of Warriors growing up either orphaned or really poor, and living in the less palatable portion of Castle Town. (Therefore he played pickup soccer as a kid; he just feels like he would lol) I definitely ship him and his Zelda (ok tbh I ship ALL the Links with their Zeldas lol). I feel like at the point of LU they’ve talked abt it but Warriors isn’t ready (thanks to Cia and maybe just all the barriers in his mind about being inferior to her or smth) Also, give this man the craziest accent you can find and I am here for it; whoever first came up with that is a genius. Ok yeah you can probably tell I love Warriors angst

XD Sky!!! My bestieeee!! If Sky was in modern times he’d be one of those people who gets sleepy when they drink coffee, fs! He is definitely the artistic one, and maybe during LU he discovers a bunch of mediums besides woodworking that he loves (and maybe he makes a bunch of art for Sun, who knows!) This next one is based off @margindoodles2407’s Forger from her loz AU but the idea that his parents died in a house fire and he lived with Gaepora and Zelda until he was older is so cool to me! And bc of this I feel like he’d really hate being around fire (to the point of panic attacks? Maybe, maybe not). Finally, hopeless bird lover Sky is a beautiful thing. As a bird watcher myself, I cannot blame him.

Last but not least is Twilight!! This guy totally holds conversations with animals all the time and it freaks people out (they can never tell if he actually understands them)! Twi definitely has a lot of respect for kids too and talks to them like they’re adults (by using the same vocabulary and tone, not by talking about things that aren’t good for kids to hear XD) and I feel like he would write painfully cheesy love poems? Twi definitely can’t cook but I feel l Ike he also cares the most about food? Idk? ALSO LET THIS MAN QUILT. IDK I THINK HE’D BE TERRIBLE AT IT BUT STILL TRY AND IT WOULD BE FUNNY

ok, and that’s it!!! Wow, that was a lot…

and I could definitely come up with more lol

[augustinapril]

Very random the Outsiders headcanons

warnings: mentions of really bad food combination, throwing up, insects, scratching & picking at skin, loud chewing, fears, please lmk if I forgot something!!

all created w/ @luvmarsbars & @stqrluvr !

˗ˏˋ ★ ´ˎ˗

To begin with we have food headcanons:

They all have a certain tastes in pizza!!

Johnny really likes olives on his pizza, like he just loves it.

Darry is a chicken bacon ranch pizza guy. it's his favorite pizza.

Dally really likes supreme pizzas but he can't stand pineapple on pizza. other than that he doesn't care.

Two bit LOVES pineapple on pizza, it's one of his favorites. (he argues w/ dally about it constantly). Him and Steve have no pickiness when it comes to pizza or food in general .

Ponyboy on the other hand is a VERY picky eater (me too man me too).

like he can't stand spicy foods, won't touch olives within an inch of his his life, has to have the edges of his sandwhiches cut off, won't eat pizza crust unless it's stuffed crust, hates cooked vegetables, the list goes on.

Ponyboy loves breadsticks!! it's one of the few foods he genuinely really loves. Same with pickles.

Steve is 100% the kid who you could pay to eat the gross food combinations that people came up with during lunch. yk, like the beans in milk? he would eat that. no hesitation.

Sodapop doesn't like soda because of the carbonation. (again that's me too I don't like drinking soda bc the fizz hurts my mouth).

Darry and Two bit are both lactose intolerant, Darry's just isn't as bad as Two's. Two bit does NOT care though because he loves eating lactose.

Also he loves BBQ sauce, Soda likes ketchup, and Pony loves ranch. like he LOVES it. he was the kid to eat it straight up.

Dallas hates sour foods, he can not stand pickles. He also hates fish, like he doesn't like sea food at all.

Dally also doesn't like mint, his favorite type of gum is watermelon.

He also is the type of person to chew with his mouth open. Like he didn't even realize he was doing it at first until people pointed it out. Then he did it to annoy them, especially Pony.

Ponyboy will get irritated and tell him to chew with his mouth shut and Dally would move his head so he was chewing directly into Pony's ear.

Johnny has random food cravings. like peanut butter on pickles, mustard on ice cream, etc. Pony has to hold back the urge to throw up.

Steve put sugar on his popcorn. he was also the type of person to have popcorn with his ice cream and m&ms and torn up pieces of candy bars & chocolate syrup, and probably maple syrup. he would throw any kind of sweet know to man into a bowl of ice cream and eat it.

Two bit really likes seafood. like he loves fish sticks.

Johnny was allergic to eggs and peaches as a kid. He isn't as much now, but he can't eat peaches anyway because he doesn't like the way they taste.

Headcanons w/ them and certain animals (dogs, cats, insects, etc.):

Darry loves dogs. He loves them and he really doesn't like cats because he thinks they're more of a hassle to take care of. Ponyboy loves cats and would rather have one than a dog. Sodapop loves both.

I saw someone else say Dally is scared of dogs and I just couldn't agree more. He really doesn't like them, and he isn't much of a cat person. He loves snakes though, like if he had the chance to have a pet snake he would 100% have one.

Ponyboy is terrified of any/all insects & bugs, including butterfly. He's allergic to bees as well.

He screams bloody murder if he sees a spider in the house and he HAS to be in a different room if there is one.

Johnny on the other hand isn't scared of them at all. He was the kid who would cry if someone squished a spider, so whenever Ponyboy is freaking out over one he will either a.) calmly pick it up and move it out of the house. or b.) be trying to capture it and tell ponyboy that it keeps moving so its hard to catch.

Then Darry would come in with a cup and paper and call them sissies.

Dally tormented Pony because of his fear of bugs. He would actually chase Pony around with a bug for his own enjoyment.

Miscellany headcanons:

Dallas finds horror movies hilarious. Like he isn't scared of them one bit and is completely unbothered. Johnny and Pony will be clinging to eachother during one and Dally is all like, "Cmon man, it's not even that scary!"

Johnny is afraid of thunderstorms and the dark. Like genuinely he is actually so scared of them.

Both Dally and Johnny bounce their legs when they're sitting, especially if they're nervous about something.

Ponyboy picks at the skin around his nails and Johnny scratches his hands a lot when he's nervous, neither of them really realize they're doing it.

Pony can't stand sherpa. like if the last remaining blanket was sherpa, he would rather sleep without a blanket.

Pony isn't the biggest fan of heights or rollercoasters and Soda doesn't like carnival rides that spin because they make him nauseous.

Dallas would rather die than use sunscreen, he absolutely hates it. Ponyboy loves sunscreen.

Two bit burns really easily. like he'll be outside for 30 minutes and he's already getting sunburnt.

Johnny doesn't go anywhere without his Jean jacket, it's his comfort item.

Steve was the kid to chew on his hoodie strings and his pencils. He couldn't have a wooden pencil without it having so many bite marks in it.

Darry cracks like every single one of his bones and it is so LOUD. He'll twist so he can stretch his back and it'll sound like if firecrackers and rice crispies had a baby.

[half-oz-eddie]

It's a rainy afternoon. Billy and Steve order Starbucks through doordash, but Starbucks fucks up their order.

The coffee looks good, so they agree to drink it anyway, but a sudden thought creeps up on Steve.

"Oh god, if this is the wrong coffee, that means they might have used the wrong ingredients."

Steve impulsively slaps Billy's cup out of his hand.

"Why the fuck did you do that?!" Billy shouts as the coffee spills all over the hardwood floor.

"Because you're lactose intolerant and I don't know if they used oat milk!"

"Oh my god, you know I don't care about that shit!"

"But I care about you!" Steve argues. "I love you. I also don't want you farting in bed all night."

Billy angrily glares at Steve, then snatches his coffee and takes a huge sip. "I'm gonna fart in your face." He says as he sets Steve's cup down and walks away.

"N-no! No you're not! Go take some lactase enzymes! Billy! I'm serious!"

[tashacee]

My brain wants to be sad today (no real reason or anything, just like wanting to see chain whumped and stuff lol) so what if Wild did have allergies that cats do like a lot r lactose intolerance. So he drinks milk and gets a terrible stomach ache or worse and is just so sad about it bc he loves milk and dairy but while stuck as a cat he can’t and so yeah. He just is sulking and stuff and chain doesn’t understand y he’s so sad bc “isn’t it normal for cats to be allergic to milk?” And plus, they really think he’s a cat so ud think he’d be used to it by now anyway but yeah lol. That’s all.😭😂

Wild, trying to cook with onions and garlic because they are both wonderful key ingredients that everyone should use, but then realising that he can't eat ANY of it?

He's so mad. And the rest of the Chain are both touched that he cooked them something delicious that he can't actually eat and also kind of horrified that he put himself in a situation where he was so close to something he can't have.

Silly cat man! He should have known he can't have those!

[fartlovingblkguy69]

The Little Men’s Toilet Slave Part 1

(Fictional Gay Fart and Scat Story)

I was drunk and walking through an alley of empty warehouses in Atlanta coming back from the bar one night at night when I passed a building that seemed to have much coming from inside and I heard this strange noise! It sounded like a cross between a grunt and a howl! I went inside to be nosy and to help if need be. Lo and behold it looked like an orgy, but not just any orgy. This was an orgy of about 30 little men. And they were filming! The tallest man, who was standing in the middle of the room was 4’9 with black hair and green eyes and he seemed to be directing all of the scenes. I realized they were about to make a killing as this was a growing category of porn and many of them were unbelievable hot! I felt myself getting a boner, one of the hardest I’d ever gotten, my full 8 inches rising. I fiddled with my jeans and started to jerk my hard rod when the taller man turned and noticed me. “What the fuck? Who let you in here? Stop fucking and grab him and bring him over here ” he yelled. A bunch of them ran over and took me out at the knees before carrying me over the heads and throwing me down at his feet. “What the hell did you think you were doing? Were you spying on us? Maybe trying to scope out competition for another group? And why were you jerking off? You like what you see or something? Maybe you’re one of those weirdos that fetishize little people or something.” “No, I was just passing by when I heard you guys and thought someone might be in trouble so I came to help! I’m gay and you guys are hot! It has nothing to do with you being small, I swear!” “I’m not sure I believe you! And after what you’ve seen we can’t let you leave! You might have a recording or call the cops or something.” “Hey Kyle! Let’s stomp on him! We could crush up his bones and bury him or something! There’s a landfill nearby!” one of the ones currently standing above me chimed in. He was about 3’9, blond, with a hairy chest, rock hard abs, a thick happy trail, and a 5 inch long, 2 inch thick half hard dick. He was super hot, but He’d been glaring at me this whole time with hard icy blue eyes like he wanted to kill me. It was very intimidating. “Hmm maybe. That would certainly be a fun idea. I think I have a better one tho!” the director Kyle said as his stomach gurgled loudly and he winced. He rubbed his stomach and loudly proclaimed “you guys have all been complaining about not being taken seriously by society and also about the lack of bathrooms in this place and I think we might have just found a small, well pretty big solution to both!” Now for context I’m a 6’3 pretty muscularly built white guy, albeit with a bit of a belly. I have long curly brown hair that comes halfway down my back. I cannot believe what I’m hearing. Just what the hell is this guy suggesting anyway? I was about to find out! “Take him to the bathroom and tie him down with his head over that broken toilet! He’s gonna be the replacement!” Kyle said smiling while rubbing his very hairy muscular, but not ripped stomach. I’ll use him first and show you all how it’s done! You better get ready toilet! I got a big load coming your way! We’ve been here for hours and I’ve been munching on pizza and nachos and chugging coffee and protein shakes and I’m lactose intolerant! It’s gonna be a wet ride!” I was dragged to the broken toilet which was dirty and clogged already and watched as they wiped the toilet seat off and cleaned it before flushing the toilet to make the water rise and then plunging my head down yelling “Drink, drink, drink!” trying to make me drink this murky water with a huge turd at the bottom. I refused to open my mouth preferring to drown to death but alas they would pull me up every time I started to black out! This went on for a good 25 minutes before Kyle came in pushing people out of his way, saying, “It’s time! I gotta let this nasty shit rip! My stomach is killing me! I can’t hold it anymore and the filming space is basically uninhabitable from my noxious farts! You boys don’t want me to hold this a second longer, trust me!”

[easybrainrot34]

✨Short lil random headcanons✨

Enjoy :)

Also, I can definitely see some of these headcanons having multiple characters to them, and I could always expand on those later.

Characters : Bokuto, Sakusa, Tendou, and Kageyama

Bokuto prefers a thick gal. Not in a “ya I’m so different I like thicc girls” and then it’s like some girl with a little thigh. No. This man likes the girls with roles, the ladies with stretch marks, the girlies that blow out the inside of their pants on the thigh and then gotta go get the iron on patches bc hey those r the good jeans that fit just right!! U can’t give up on those!! (maybe I’m speaking for personal experience…ANYWAY)

Sakusa has an addiction to sugar free redbull. He is convinced himself that sugar-free makes it not bad for you. He’s to the point where Meian yelled at him bc he almost dropped in practice and when they checked him, his pulse was sky high. Now he acts like a fucking alcoholic the way he is hiding that he is still drinking it. I mean like putting it in a travel mug and refusing to let anyone touch that shit.

Tendou is a true crime bitch. I mean he has a Netflix account solely for the true crime documentaries that come out. Don’t think he’s a creepy one tho, he will go into a 2 hour rant about how disgusting the true crime fans that excuse or even romanticize people who commit horrible crimes r disgusting. He just finds in interesting how these monsters could exist.

After high school Kageyama developed a lactose intolerance. Idk y I think this but it makes me laugh so hard to think about. With the way this man loves milk and then finds this out?? He is absolutely devastated 💀💀 but it’s ok! He ends up being able to, as he says, “coexist and tolerate” vanilla almond milk. He doesn’t care when it comes to food tho, he will suffer just to have pizza.

[peachyoomi]

simon "ghost" riley headcanons <;3

he's a very cold-hearted, down-to-earth kind of person

except with you

you're his weakness. Man has a huge soft spot for you.

he's not into pda, but when you two are alone, he's the softest

he adores it when you're lying on him. Cuddling, sleeping, fucking, any occasion is suitable to lie you down on him.

no matter your size or weight

the more of you, the better it is anyway

he's a picky eater and lactose intolerant

but he doesn't care and drinks milk

he's a milk lover

"Simon, stop drinking milk out of the carton, it's disgusting"

but he keeps doing it while looking you dead in the eyes

he's a little childish sometimes, and he loves to tease you

he teases you a lot by ignoring what you're telling him

he'll just look down at you, not a single emotion on his face

and do it again

sexually too, of course

lets you beg over and over, and never give you what you want

if anyone dares to touch you, hurt you, or look at you, they're dead

he just wants to protect you all his life

it gives him some kind of life purpose

he loves the size difference between you two

you're just so small next to him

he's always so scared of crushing you with his colossal weight

he'd feel bad for days if he hurt you

he's also scared that you leave one day

if he wakes up and you're not by his side, he'd panic

but you're just in the bathroom

"Y/n?"

"I'm in the bathroom"

he rushes in, panicked

"I thought you left"

"Simon, I'm taking a shit, get out"

he has hearing loss in one ear because of shotguns, explosions, etc...

when you call him, he sometimes doesn't hear you

"are you ignoring me again??"

"what?" basically

hand comparison king

he saw this one time while searching "how to flirt low-key"

he's been doing it all the time ever since

your fingers are so small compared to his

he can't intertwine your fingers with his because they're too big to fit between yours

so he lets you hold one of his fingers or just cover your hand with his, holding yours gently

thighs lover

he's down bad for them

if he didn't have self-control, he'd kneel and pray to them

he sleeps on them, naps on them, caresses them, bites them

you don't love your thighs? how could you.

they're so perfect, he just wants to keep his head between them all lifelong

if you're skinny, your thighs fit perfectly in his hand, which he loves

if you're a bigger size, he just squishes them, sometimes unconsciously

he's a simple man, he can't resist thighs

he doesn't talk much about his childhood; he thinks it's unnecessary to think about the past and all this pain

he did one time tho

it made you cry, and he felt so guilty about it

"it's not your fault baby, you just didn't deserve any of that"

you hugged him for the rest of the week after this

tea at the most random time of the day

2 cups of tea, a blanket, and your head on his shoulder

paradise if you ask him

you can't unbrit the brit

»»————-　★　————-««

[giggly-squiggily]

Spontaneous Headcanons #25

Been having a lot of thoughts lately about Gundham Tanaka

🐹: Once you get to know him, it's not too hard to translate what he's saying:

"Thou's familiar in this recorded quest; does he come to a terrible demise? I haven't obtained the runes necessary to prevent a terrible tide upon thee art so." = "Does the dog/cat/animal companion die in the movie? If so I'm not watching it cause I will cry and hate you forever."

"I have been through endless visits to the underworld and had many encounters with the devil himself. As the Lord of Ice and Darkness, I am not afraid to face him once more." = "Yes I am lactose Intolerant. No I don't care if milk will make me sick, I'm drinking it anyway."

"Do you wish to feast on the spoils of my trialing journey?" = "I made cookies, you want one?"

🐹: You can tell when he's genuinely laughing and smiling by two things: 1.) His eyes crinkle in the corners when he smiles and he has one dimple. Also he covers his mouth with a fist. 2.) His real laugh is deep and soft, very soothing sounding compared to his "Muahhahhaha!" laugh. Also he pig snorts. Alot.

🐹: He gives honorary titles to his friends when they get close enough. "Lord of Puzzles and Mysteries." (Hajime) "Heiress of the Sirens and Soundwaves". (Ibuki), "Queen of Shadows and Light" (Sonia) "...Souda" (Souda) (OI!-)

🐹: One time Sonia and Ibuki put little party hats on the Dark Devas for his birthday. At the time he was all: "My Deva's are not playthings for you to dress as you please!" but he still has the picture of them all wearing the hats as his background on his phone. They all knew he secretly loved it.

🐹: One time Nekomaru offered to give him a back massage after they trained together. Gundham accepted it at the time but all but gave up immediately after cause it tickled too much (He's used to incredibly light tickles due to the Devas. Harder/Squeezier ones he can't handle at all.) His "massage" turned into a full blown tickle attack akrjkarkjjkr

🐹: He's all talk and confidence until you kiss him on the cheek. Then he gets super flustered and hides in his scarf. Sonia loves doing this especially, but sometimes simple gestures like a squeeze to the shoulder or a hug from friends will make him fluster just as much. He's secretly into all that physical affection!

🐹: Speaking of- Gundham gives really good hugs. He's tall and he always smells good, despite working with animals all the time. When he hugs someone- especially when you're close- he puts all his strength in it (without hurting you) for maximum hug potential. He might be a bit flustered while doing so, but he'll put all his Dark Lord energy into it if he knows you need one.

🐹: A really good singer but horribly shy about it. You might get lucky and catch him singing along to something under his breath when he's taking care of his animals or studying, but if you flat out ask him to sing he'll laugh and tell you "When the world ends for good." (Might be slightly shaky in his declaration- again; he's shy lols)

🐹: Don't let his outer shell fool you- Gundham bleeds easily. Hurtful words and gestures stick around a lot longer than he likes to admit, and it's easy to tell when he's been stung by the softness in his voice and the droop to his shoulders. He'll never admit it though, he'd rather pretend he's merely angry at such remarks than wounded by them. Try to be gentle with him.

🐹: If if his words don't always match up to his actions, he does truly love his friends. He'll send his Devas out with little gifts for them (Guitar picks for Ibuki, a freshly picked flower for Sonia, a new screwdriver for Souda, etc.) or give them a boost of encouragement in his funny way of speaking. He's a little rough around the edges but there's no denying Gundham's a pretty grand person.

[goldensunset]

ok fine since you asked for it. let’s break down @felikatze ‘s lactose tolerance/intolerance headcanon list from forever ago

sora and riku: native island kids, have never had contact with the outside world, dairy is not part of their diet, they cannot handle this foreign poison. please help these kids

kairi: from radiant garden. lucky genes. loves dairy and does not understand why sora and riku don’t

lea: from radiant garden but unlucky genes (he eats poison ice cream every day, yes. the things you do for friendship. also he’s chaotic.)

roxas: inherited sora’s lactose intolerance. (yes he also eats poison ice cream every day. he and axel really just started bonding over something neither of them were supposed to have. but nobody bodies are also weird)

naminé: also inherited sora’s lactose intolerance, but not as badly. but she doesn’t like dairy anyway

xion and repliku: replicas that were genetically engineered in a lab. they may be kinda messed up otherwise but they can have dairy soooo. (‘a power the real riku does not have’ refers to lactose tolerance lol)

ventus and vanitas: ven got the lactose tolerance in the split lol. eraqus makes all his students drink their milk so they’ll grow up big and strong but why does ven seem to enjoy it. he just chugs straight up milk. what’s wrong with him. vani thinks he’s disgusting for this

terra: lactose tolerant but doesn’t like milk that much (he loves cheese though). however he thinks it’s funny to chug milk in front of aqua because she thinks it’s gross

aqua: please help her. she likes baking a lot because milk that’s been cooked into something is tolerable. ven and terra drive her insane on purpose with milk chugging contests right in front of her (for ven it started out innocent but then terra convinced him it was funny). eraqus does not know she can’t have milk and she doesn’t know how to tell him