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#heart monitor tropes
Note
Some soft beautiful and cute moments for thenamesh Doctor au? They deserve a little break ❤️
"How is she?"
Ajak turns with a smile at the head just barely poking into the room. She waves him in, and Gil shuffles in quietly, his hands pushed deep into his hoodie pockets. "She's okay, Gil. She's coming down from the anaesthetics, her vitals all look good. Aside from some physio and some time off, she'll be just fine."
Gil chuckles, walking around to the other side of the bed with Thena sleeping soundly. "She'll be furious she has to take time off. If she comes in for physio she'll probably just slip away and try to work."
Ajak shrugs, giving him a grin, "I'm sure you wouldn't let her anyway."
"You're right."
Ajak averts her gaze as Gilgamesh reaches out to push some of Thena's hair away from her face. Maybe he's forgotten they aren't alone, or maybe he just doesn't care who sees him do it. "You know you can't take two weeks off too, right? I know you want to, but if Thena isn't here, then I'll need you more than ever."
Gil nods solemnly, his hand almost back in his pocket when he suddenly decides the place for it is around Thena's hand. "She wouldn't let me take the time off either, I'm sure. I can check on her between my shifts."
Ajak just shakes her head. It's not as if she would be able to do anything to stop him from doing so. "Just remember to get your proper rest, too."
"Yes, Ma'am," Gil offers a tired smile before looking down at Thena again. He reaches up to her hair again, but this time he trails a finger over her cheekbone, then down her jaw. "Oh, Thena."
Ajak is about to leave the two lovebirds alone when Thena shifts. "Thena?"
"Honey?" he whispers, leaning to get a look at her eyes. They're still hazy, but she blinks at him. "Hey, Sweetie, how are you feeling?"
"Hey."
Ajak's eyes sneak over to the heart monitor displaying her heart rate, blood oxygen and blood pressure readings. The heart rate has picked up speed a little, not that either of them have taken notice.
"Morning, Sunshine," Gil chuckles, visibly relieved at the sound of Thena's voice. He leans over her, liberally planting a kiss on her cheek. "How're you feeling?"
Ajak observes a funny little skipped beat, but it seems to be a momentary effect.
"I'm okay," Thena whispers to him, her eyes still struggling to open all the way. She makes the faintest attempt at pulling herself up.
"Hey, easy," Gil rushes to hold her. He wraps his arm around her shoulders, helping her up to her desired angle and bringing a cup of ice chips up to her lips.
Ajak adjusts the bed so Thena can lie down/sit up comfortably. Not that they notice that either.
Gil takes the cup from her as she swallows down the much needed water. "Better?"
She nods, her thumb moving against his absently as she tries to absorb her surroundings. She - finally! - looks over at Ajak. "What happened?"
Ajak smiles at her, pulling her blankets up again. "We got you right into surgery, got some blood in you. You're lucky it wasn't more serious."
Thena sighs, lying heavier against her pillow. "How long?"
"Two weeks, minimum," Ajak says firmly, and watches Thena make a face like a teenager being forced into a family reunion. "And that's if things heal quickly and your physio goes well."
Thena rolls her eyes at it, although she gets jabbed in her good leg with Ajak's pen for it. "Hey!"
"Don't roll you eyes at me, little lady," Ajak smirks at her, happy at least to see Thena regain some of her usual fire as she glares back at her. "I'm going to tell them that you're up. You two, wait here."
"I'll do my best," Thena grumbles, further ensuring her recovery. She smiles at Ajak on her way out before looking at Gil again. "Are you okay?"
"Me?" he asks, and then openly scoffs. "You were stuck under a car, Thena--for hours!"
"It wasn't hours."
"Well, no one would tell me how long it was!" he protested, "so I had to imagine the worst!"
Thena just sighs. She has a clear memory of him lying down with her, holding her hand and whispering sweet comforts to her as the rain and wind and her own impending death loomed over her. "Thank you."
Gil leans over her again, pressing his forehead to hers, as he had done in the moment under the car. "I wouldn't have let anything happen to you, Thena. I swear."
"I know you wouldn't," she whispers back. Her eyes flutter open again while Gil's are still closed. He's so close he's blurry, but she can make out the pinkness of his lips.
Gil pulls back, smoothing over her hair again. "Hey, what were you going to say?"
"Hm?"
"Just at the end," he frowns, twirling a long of blonde around his finger. "You started saying 'Gil if-' but I wouldn't let you finish."
"Oh."
That heart monitor is beeping faster again.
"I didn't want you to say anything because there was no if, then," he shrugs, more able to talk about it now that the immediate danger has faded a little. He tilts his head at her, "so, what was it?"
Thena's eyes dart around a little, listening to that damned heart monitor blaring her guilt. Not that it was as loud as media made them seem, but it wasn't as silent as she would like.
"I don't think I remember."
Gil tilts his head at her and her sudden unwillingness to look at him. He leans over until she has no choice but to see him (being stuck in a bed, and all). "Hey, wait."
Thena's fluster only worsens as his palm presses against her forehead. She squeezes her eyes shut, "Gil, it..."
"You look a little flushed," he frowns at her, and just now looks up at her monitor readings. "BPs kind of high too--you might be fighting an early infection. I'll get Ajak."
Gil takes off before Thena can really stop him and tell him not to. And at least it gives her a chance to try and get her traitorous heart to calm down a bit.
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allforhee · 3 months
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ੈ✩ — 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐅𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 (ONESHOT) | PARK SUNGHOON
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୨୧ pairing — streamer/gamer!bf park sunghoon x fem!reader
୨୧ synopsis — dating sunghoon was like flipping two sides of a coin. on one side, it felt like you were dating the sweetest introvert known to man. but on another side, you felt like he was the loudest extrovert (and gamer) that ever lived. you tried living with it, in this little bubble. but when sunghoon starts acting sensitive and eventually forgets your anniversary, that fragile bubble finally bursts.
୨୧ genre — non!idol au, established relationship, angst BUT with a fluffy ending cuz why not, shy!sunghoon but open when he's only with you
୨୧ warnings — cursing, sunghoon being forgetful, miscommunication trope (i'm sorry), bottling up feelings, arguments between you and hoonie :(
୨୧ word count — 1,752 words, 9410 characters (NOT PROOFREAD (cause midterms sucks ass))
୨୧ author's note — sorry for the mini hiatus y'all i have my midterms!!! #busygall but y'all have seen gamer!bf hee, but what about sunghoon? i feel like he's quiet on the outside but his gamer side is so.. this for my ice prince (but with a heart of gold) girlies... sorry for the angst!!!!!!
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𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐄𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐄𝐓 𝐇𝐈𝐌.
opposed to his loud and obnoxious friends, he tended to let out a small chuckle instead of a crackling laugh. at first (and around you), he was like that.
obviously you two liked each other in secret, because sunghoon didn’t know what to say, and you weren’t sure if he liked you back.
so when you two started dating, where you would stay over at his place more often (and eventually it felt as if you two moved in together), was when you found out about his gamer side.
turns out, behind the striking radiation of his monitor, was a completely different sunghoon. instead of his usual quiet self, he was loud as any other streamer. you could practically hear his laugh echo through his apartment as he did his streams.
you didn't want to disturb sunghoon in the middle of his streams, so whenver you needed something, you'd text him (even if he won't reply immediately, it was a good try).
but over time, you got more comfortable around each other. sunghoon even told you that "it's okay sweets, just call my name and i'll respond."
so you did. you started with little "what do you want for dinner?"s and a "i'm gonna go to sleep, okay?"
the first few times you'd do that, sunghoon would answer with a sweet "um, do you mind getting some takeout?" and a "okay sweets, sleep well."
but then, he would get easily irritated. his sweet replies turned into sharp responses like "just get whatever you want, i don't care."
you understood that you were bothering him. you saw on his screen how he was losing the match (maybe? you didn't understand what he was playing), and you didn't want to anger him further. but you knew at one point, the bubble would one day burst.
it was a friday. but it was your 6 month anniversary. you had everything planned, you planned a dinner with him, and got him presents. you especially got him a custom made keyboard keycap with your initials engraved, and one of a little penguin. you were determined to make today special.
you woke up at seven, seeing your boyfriend's still sleeping figure, ready to start the day by making some fresh waffles for the two of you before you had some uni classes at ten.
you had everything decorated, the waffles drizzled with honey, and a little sticky note next to it that wrote "happy 6 months hoon <3" and two cups of steaming hot coffee.
you got ready and dressed up, waiting for sunghoon to come down. the clock's hand at the number 8. but slowly, the hands on the clock that hung on his wall moved. from 8 to 9. the ice in his coffee slowly melting. the waffles no longer warm with the love you made for him.
you wanted to wake him up. but after his sensitive behavior at you a couple weeks prior, you were scared.
when your phone read 9.50, you realized that sunghoon wasn't waking up anytime soon. so you packed your bag and wrote a little note under the previous sticky note reading "i'm off to uni, enjoy and i can't wait for tonight :)" to let sunghoon know you were at uni. so you left.
thankfully, you only had 2 classes, so by 3pm, you were on your way home. you were excited to see sunghoon, half expecting him to wait for you by the door with his arms open.
you were lucky you hadn't expected 100% that sunghoon would be there. because the moment you stepped in your shared apartment, you felt emptyness.
the plate of what once was filled with waffles on the table was half eaten, his now empty glass of coffee sitting in the sink, and the sticky note you'd left on the ground. it wasn't crumpled or anything, but you were hoping he atleast read it.
knowing it was a friday and that sunghoon would be back from uni at 5, you determined to get yourself ready for that night.
you wore his favorite dress. you did your hair the way he liked. you had everything ready for him.
you sat in the living room waiting for sunghoon to come home. the time on your phone read 5.03pm. he should be wrapping up his classes now.
but you knew this feeling all too well. this feeling of deja vu as the clock's hands slowly moved from five to six. six to seven. seven to eight. before you knew it, it was almost 11pm as you were in the bathroom washing off the streams of dried mascara from when you were crying.
the moment you heard the apartment door open, you had no expectations. even if a little piece of you hoped that he'd come home all dressed in a suit, a hanful of flowers, and a plausible excuse to his lateness.
but as you stepped downstairs, makeup slightly washed off from the dried mascara, was when the words "what are you all dressed up for gorgeous? it's 11pm," slipped from his mouth. finally, that bubble burst as your fractured heart finally broke into pieces.
there he was, still in casual wear, hair slightly a mess, clearly reeking of alcohol. he was out partying.
that's the moment sunghoon sobered up. the sound of your sobs. never in your six months of dating has he ever seen you in this state. yes, you had arguments left and right, maybe some tears from rewatching la la land for the hundredth time. but never this.
"no no no, sweets what's wrong?" he asked, his once drunken eyes now filled with worry as he tried to pull you into his touch.
"you don't get it sunghoon, do you?" you snapped at him, swatting his hands away. you never used his government name. it was always hoonie, or baby. but never just sunghoon.
"get what sweets? why are you wearing my favorite dress? if you had told me this i would've come home earlier." sunghoon defended.
"you seriously forgot? you ate the waffles, drank the coffee, i even wrote you a note! were you just so caught up with your stupid games that you just forgot?" you ranted. you had enough.
"what sticky note? i woke up at ten and the place was practically empty, i saw the waffles on the table and the coffee and i just assumed that you made breakfast and left for uni." sunghoon proclaimed.
"you know what? i'm gonna go to bed. i can't handle you anymore. just go scream at your monitor, or- whatever." you sighed, heading upstairs into your shared bedroom.
sunghoon sighed, his hands on his hips, before running a hand through his hair. at that moment, he spotted the small heart sticky note under the dinner table. he hunched over and grabbed it, before he read what you had written on it.
the moment it clicked, he rushed upstairs. your six months. six. he can't believe he forgot.
as he stepped into the bedroom, he saw you in that dress, about to take it off. his favorite dress. "sweets i'm so sorry-"
"sorry won't cut it sunghoon. you've been so sensitive lately and all i wanted was to spend some time with my boyfriend! but no, you just had to play your stupid video games." you argued.
"no, you're the one who's been so distant lately! so i've been occupying myself with those stupid games to distract from my thoughts that maybe you would break up with me!"
"but that doesn't justify the fact that you just plain out forgot and left me to rot here!" you screamed at his face.
"i was out with the boys because i was trying to figure out how to tell you i love you!" he confessed, head hung low.
your once dried eyes filled with tears once more. in a panic, sunghoon cupped your face in his hands slowly wiping away the tears away, before you buried your face in the crook of his neck, trying your best not to break into pieces.
"i think we need to work on our communication." you mumbled in the crook of his neck.
"what do you mean, sweets?" he asks, slowly caressing your hair.
"because i love you more, hoonie." you whisper in his ear.
"that's impossible." he pushed you away from the crook of his neck, wiping away your tears as he pushed your hair away from your face. he looked in your eyes with a dashing smile.
his smile felt so infectious, that you couldn't help but shoot him a smile back, "because i love you most, sweets," before he kissed you.
his hands were painfully warm compared to your cold touch, a side effect of hours of waiting in the cold living room.
you smiled into the kiss, pulling away to take a deep breath, spotting sunghoon staring at you like you were his whole world, before you dove into another kiss.
"sweets, you know how much i love this dress on you." he mumbled into the kiss.
you pulled away and let out a laugh, "oh i know, it was supposed to be my little gift to you."
"oh but i probably deserve a punishment for making your heart break like that, i mean you were crying for hours! i'll do anything, what do you want?" sunghoon asked, ready to give you what seemed like the world.
"take a break from playing your games." you asked from him. looking into his eyes.
"well that's not as bad-"
"for a month."
"no no no i can't do that! you know the money i earn from my streams basically funds your shopping habit. i mean how am i supposed to dress you up in such beautiful dresses?"
you chuckled at his response, blushing at how affectionate he was being. "how about just two weeks and i'll make you breakfast every morning? or i could play animal crossing with you?" sunghoon begged.
you sighed into him, finally giving in knowing how much he hated playing animal crossing. he just thought it was stupid and there was no challenge to it. "okay. two weeks, breakfast, and animal crossing. but could you at least teach me how to play your games with you though? i feel bad that you have to hear me yap on about my favorite villagers."
with a chuckle, sunghoon kisses your temple, "for you, always."
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taglist; @desistay
back to my masterlist?
© 𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐇𝐄𝐄, est. 2024 | do not plagiarize, modify, translate, or repost my works on any platforms.
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bigskyandthecoldgun · 8 months
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i’m a big misunderstanding/miscommunication trope (when done right) kind of guy, so just hear me out:
they get eddie out of the upside down, he’s recovering in the hospital, all your good usual s4 fix-it fic hallmarks. eddie’s heart monitor starts going berserk every time steve is in the room, especially if steve gets close to him.
steve is convinced that he makes eddie uncomfortable, that the tension between their respective in-groups in high school is still a very prevalent problem for eddie, so he avoids eddie’s hospital room when possible so that eddie doesn’t have to go through any unnecessary discomfort. after all, eddie’s been through enough, and steve feels like he shouldn’t be adding to that, even if he’s starting to harbor feelings for the guy. even if it kills him a little to pretend like everything’s fine when he knows eddie can’t stand him.
eddie, however, is convinced that, because of the stupid goddamn heart monitor giving it away, steve has picked up on his utter infatuation, and that must be why steve keeps avoiding visits…right?
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mingtinys · 2 months
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" i already have the world "
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pairing : jeon wonwoo x gn!reader
"13 ways to say "i love you" with seventeen"
warnings : none
word count : 0.5 k
a/n : unsure if i'm happy with this , but the writers block was BAD and so i ended up falling victim to the gamer!wonwoo trope
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You truly wonder how Wonwoo still finds it in himself to wake up as early as he does to make his various schedules. Especially when it's already two in the morning yet he's still locked in on his computer screen, furiously clicking away. Meanwhile, you're walking a very thin line of consciousness.
If it weren't for the giant glowing monitor and the voices shouting through Wonwoo's headset, you probably would've lost your battle against sleep by now. And judging from the increasingly irritated shouts of Seungcheol and Jihoon for Mingyu to "go left," it sounds like Wonwoo's team is losing theirs.
"Your other left, idiot," You just barely make out Jihoon's exhausted words. "Wonwoo, please help him, you're closest."
"Yeah, I'm already on it. Someone cover me–" There's a pause, then a sad tune plays and you force your eyelids back open just wide enough to catch the giant "LOSE" written across the display. "Never mind, good game."
"It was most definitely not," Seungcheol complains.
"One more round?" Mingyu asks, even though this is their fifth "one more round."
"Yeah, just give me a minute and we can start," Wonwoo says before promptly muting his mic. He nudges you with his shoulder, earning a very unamused groan back in response.
"You can go to bed if you want," he chuckles.
"Alone?" You whine, which only makes him laugh more.
"You're right, what a ridiculous idea," he teases. "This is the last one for real this time, promise."
You're head falls to Wonwoo's shoulder with a sigh. He readjusts, allowing you to rest more comfortably. With your newfound pillow, sleep easily consumes you.
Your breathing slows down to a steady pace almost instantly and Wonwoo glances down with a soft chuckle. "I'm sorry I kept you up," he whispers, placing a feathery kiss on the top of your head.
He unmutes his mic. "Hey, sorry guys, I'm gonna log off for the night."
"What? Dude, we're just about to start. Please don't leave me with Seungcheol and Jihoon!" Mingyu urges. Wonwoo contemplates it, a match would only be around twenty minutes. But one more look at your sleeping form and that thought is gone as soon as it comes.
"Sorry, it's late, good luck though."
"Wait!" Mingyu tries again. "What if I buy you lunch tomorrow?"
"Goodnight, Mingyu."
"A coffee? Your favorite pastry from that bakery half an hour away? The world? What's it gonna take?"
"Mingyu, stop being dramatic and let the man go to bed." Seungcheol chastises.
Wonwoo secures his arm around your waist and pulls you against him when he notices your head slipping from his shoulder. An action that makes you snuggle further into his side in your unconscious state. Perhaps his heart has gone a little soft, but no offer could possibly amount to the moments like these he gets to spend with you.
So while lunch and a coffee is a tempting offer, it simply doesn't compare. "Besides," he says in a last goodbye into the mic. "I already have the world."
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taglist: @matchahyuck @dontwannaexsist @minnieminshi
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kayjayjwrites · 2 months
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Like Bugs in a Rug: Chapter One
Summary: Azriel Shadowsinger, mysterious pretty boy extraordinaire himself, was head over heels in love with you for years. Everyone in the room could see it, except for you of course. A series of connected one-shots.
Chapter Word Count: 6,350
Chapter Content Warnings: fluff, some cursing, one bed trope, awkward but wholesome communication, AFAB Reader, Reader (You), some details about Reader's appearance but overall vague, canon plot spoilers as this is canon compliant-ish, reader low key being thirsty for Azzie
Note: Hello! Welcome to my first fic in like 10 years! This idea came about when I was having a hard time falling back asleep. I sometimes draft fanfiction when i'm trying to sleep. I don't often remember the plots come morning, but the memory of this one remained intact enough for me to jot down. I’m thinking this update is gonna be the longest chapter because it's both prologue and the first chapter, but I have terrible self control with word count limits. So I guess we’ll see what the next chapters bring, but they may be shorter!
Enjoy me 2am fugue state musings, there are likely typos~
It was all worth it. The decades of patience and silent suffering. The centuries of loneliness paying off just as you lost hope of ever leaving The Court of Nightmares. You and your father, Kier, expected a typical visit from the Inner Circle. The High Lord would threaten your father to keep him in line, you’d go unnoticed in the back of the throne room monitoring the interaction. Just like every other time they visited.
Except, the High Lord and his Inner Circle asked about you like you were the reason behind their visit. You had clocked the visit as odd as soon as only Rhysand, Feyre, and Mor arrived. The absence of both The General & Shadowsinger at the same time a rarity. Despite being related to Rhysand and Mor, you didn’t think they knew your name, so when they asked Kier about you, by name, your heart damn near fell out of your ass.
They wanted you to leave Hewn City to work with them. A Courtier of the Night Court, working alongside Nesta, Lady Death herself, of all people. They wanted you to start immediately now that the war with Hybern was over. Relations between Courts were strained, and upon learning of your talent, the High Lord deemed it a waste for you to be hidden away down here. He and the Inner Circle believed you did not belong in The Court of Nightmares. To anyone else, having the High Lord speak so highly of your child would have been an honor.
It was the most furious you’d ever seen Kier. Which was saying something. His emotions grew volatile in a blink of an eye, outraged by the absolute gall of the High Lord. How dare he come to his city and tell him that you weren’t meeting your full potential down here? At some point Kier stood up, snarling at Rhysand and the others like a wild animal. Kier, so lost in his anger, let his mental shields falter. Just for a second, but it was more than enough time for your powers to draw his wayward thoughts to you, like a magnet, his unspoken intentions seeped into your own mind. You were always terrible at blocking him out when he got like that.
Power. Kier's thoughts whispered to you. A spy for him in the Inner Circle. It disgusted you how predictable your father was, his intentions were always about how he could best use you for his own gain. It was the driving force behind your excessive training habits, desperate to protect yourself from the toxicity of his intentions. The more you failed at keeping him out, the more you hated him, and by default hated yourself.
Rhysand was right, you were wasted down here, and it wasn’t that your father didn’t see that, he didn’t care. He wasn’t furious with the High Lord for taking another daughter away from him, he was mad about losing a tool.
Well, your father could rot down here alone for all you cared.
You felt a lot of things in that moment. Intimidated by the prospect of working with Nesta, unsure of Mor’s morals and the rumors surrounding her, apprehensive of Rhysand and Feyre’s power, and not to mention all the unknown dynamics between the rest of the Inner Circle. But, despite all that uncertainty, you did not feel nervous about leaving Hewn City with them.
The first task Kier ever appointed you was to report on Rhysand and his Inner Circle’s intentions every time they visited. Either they all had flawless control over their mental shields, or their icy behavior was an act from the beginning. You never dared to share your suspicions with Kier, your father only wanted ammo for his hate, and he never took kindly to evidence that didn’t support his biases against High Lord Rhysand.
It felt a little too much like blind faith and a hunch for you to be 100% comfortable with the decision, but you decided to put your trust in these strangers anyway.
You would take the job.
Not to be a spy for Kier.
Not out of some duty to your High Lord or older sister.
It was time to live your life for you. Consequences be damned.
But, the focus of this story was not about moving to Velaris with Mor and getting to know the Inner Circle. It wasn’t about how much you rock as a diplomat for the Night Court. It wasn’t about how good it felt the first time sunlight touched your skin upon leaving the underground city. It wasn’t even about how you and Nesta became best friends. However good those stories may be.
However, this story is about Azriel Shadowsinger, and how the mysterious pretty boy extraordinaire himself, fell head over heels for you without you ever picking up on it. Yeah, that’s right, the girl who struggled to control her talent for hearing unspoken intentions never puzzled the pieces together. For literal years everyone else in the godforsaken room could tell the Spymaster was in love with you, except for you.
It all started with an argument with Rhysand a few assignments into your career as the Night Court Courtier. You felt like you could handle traveling between Courts without needing an escort, especially if you’d be meeting up with Nesta at the destination anyway. Rhysand did not agree, basically threatening to ground you if you didn’t allow someone to accompany you.
That was how Azriel had become your full-time travel partner. Rhysand appointed Azriel as an additional escort in case Nesta was pulled away.
You’d take this to your grave before ever admitting it, but Rhysand wasn’t wrong to be worried. There had been a good number of times where just that had happened. Nesta would be working the other side of the room, and having Azriel lingering nearby eased your nerves. Prythian was a vast Realm, and Rhys had been right in worrying about your adjustment.
It didn’t take too long for you to adapt once you had visited all the different Courts a few times. Yet, Azriel continued to go out of his way to accompany you to events. The first obvious sign of his affections for you came a couple years into your career.
The event was in a small Day Court town on the border of the Night Court, just under a day’s travel from Velaris on foot. Home to one of the libraries hit hardest by Amarantha’s looting, the entire town was celebrating the return of a sizable chunk of the stolen volumes. The gala was advertised to be a quaint dinner and cocktail hour. You suspected that scholars and book enthusiasts would be the bulk of those present. Although interested in going, Rhysand had High Lord duties to attend to that involved Nesta and the other Archeron sisters in the Summer Court. With a promise to fill everyone in on anything of interest, you packed a small overnight bag and waited for Mor to arrive home. You never developed the ability to winnow, so you needed someone to bring you.
Fussing with your hair in one of the numerous mirrors decorating Mor’s walls, you couldn’t help but smile at your reflection. Your time in Velaris, just over two years, had already begun to sooth a deep sadness you hadn’t realized had settled under your skin. It was obvious in the gentle way you gazed at your reflection, the healthy flush of your cheeks, and the warmth of your thoughts. Velaris looked good on you, and as you smoothed a hand down the shimmery sapphire blue fabric of the dress that clung to your curves, you thought the new formalwear looked good on you too.
Giddiness bubbled up in you at the idea of modeling the new dress for Mor. The excitement felt foreign still, after spending centuries believing Mor didn’t care to know her own little sister. You never thought you’d ever get the chance to gush over dresses with her. Kier hated everything Mor represented, and was cruel to her in ways that made you feel lucky in a perverse way. Your father may have manipulated and alienated you, filling your head with lies about your older sister, but it was never public. Kier made sure everyone in the Court of Nightmares knew that Mor was a useless whore and a traitor.
When Mor became a core member of the Inner Circle, and Rhysand put her in charge of Hewn City, you would wait for her to acknowledge you during her visits. Decades turned into a century, but the same hope would always rise up when Mor was due for a visit, only to be crushed when she ignored you. She never paid you a second of her time, just a fleeting look in passing as if you were another spectator. Knowing that she wasn’t ignoring you out of ill intent stung more, because you couldn’t bring yourself to hate her.
Kier may be your father, but that didn’t mean you had to be a fan of his intentions. You never believe the rumors he spread about Mor.
And then, the big reveal came. It turned out that to Mor, you were just another spectator. Mor didn’t know she had a younger sister at all. Keir hid you so well that no one realized you were related to him. A detail that made you feel so small when it came to light. You were just the shy woman in the background, taught to be pleasant when spoken to, a pretty little wallflower the rest of the time.
Later, when you asked about who first realized your identity, you got mixed accounts from the Inner Circle. Rhysand insisted that it was he who put the pieces together first. Stating that it came to him suddenly after Azriel submitted a report from a surveillance mission detailing an overheard conversation between you and Kier about your talents. Rhysand claimed that your powers reminded him of a variation of Mor’s. The rest of the Inner Circle credited Feyre for noting the resemblance between you, Kier, and The Morrigan the first time she noticed you loitering at the back of a council meeting.
When the truth was confirmed, and you agreed to go with them, Mor wept. She vowed to never leave you alone in The Court of Nightmares ever again, even for a second. That promise was your first experience with making a deal in the Night Court. Your clear surprise at the intricate tattoo that branded itself over the center of your sternum clued Mor, Rhysand, and Feyre in on how out of touch you were with common lore from your own Court. Mor wasted no time in winnowing you out of there after that. The both of you had heard enough of Keir’s nasty sneers and low-blow comments to last a lifetime.
Now, Mor’s cozy little home was also your cozy little home, if not a bit tight for two people. If someone asked you a decade ago if you thought you’d ever have a relationship with Mor you would advise them to seek out a healer.
And yet there you were, vibrating with things to tell her, anticipating her arrival with an almost goofy grin when…Azriel of all people winnowed into the living room.
Perplexed, but not totally disappointed, “Oh!” you said, clearly taken aback. “I was expecting Mor.”
Azriel huffed a low chuckle, dimples bracketing his amused half-smile. “Sorry to disappoint.”
You looked him over, dark circles under his eyes, droopy eyelids, posture leaning forward in a slight slouch. “Az, didn’t you just return from a long mission? Why aren’t you resting?”
“Wanted to escort you to the Day Court Library Gala, of course.”
The tenderness in his voice had warmth bubbling up from your chest. “That is very kind,” you started, making sure to meet his gaze so he knew you meant it, “but you look so tired, Az. I’ve visited the Day Court a bunch of times now and only need someone to winnow me there. As much as I enjoy having you accompany me to these things, I don’t want you to stretch yourself thin on my account. I’ve got this.”
“I know you’ve got this,” came his immediate reply, “as you’ve pointed out I’ve been gone for a few weeks. What if I offered to escort you because I missed you, hm?”
Despite yourself you felt a flush of heat in your cheeks at his teasing. You refused to use your powers on anyone in the inner circle, unwilling to violate their privacy without explicit consent. But you didn’t need your powers to read Azriel’s sincerity. It made it hard to meet his gaze, you turned back to running your fingers through your hair in the mirror, taking a moment to compose yourself. “Well alright then, I don’t think I can do anything more to tame my hair, we should be off then.”
You felt Azriel at your back, a gloved hand coming up to gently grasp your elbow, guiding your arm down as his hand trailed down the bare skin of your forearm to hold yours, turning you to face him. “Stop fussing, you look stunning, this dress is new, right? I think the color suits you.”
You smiled. “Thank you, I suppose you would like this color, now that I’m thinking about it,” with your free hand you held up the skirt of the floor length dress to the siphon on his wrist, marveling at the color match, “it looks like I did it on purpose.”
He hummed in acknowledgement as he pulled you closer into an almost embrace. “We should go now. Wouldn’t want to miss the opening speeches.”
You suppressed a shudder. Definitely from the way his breath tickled your ear, and not from the way his voice sounded as he tucked you into his chest. “You hate opening speeches.” You pointed out, remembering all the times he complained about how boring they were.
“I do, but you like them.” You’d never said as much aloud, but you did enjoy listening to people talk about things they were passionate about, and opening speeches tended to be just that. Of course the Spymaster had noticed.
If Azriel saw your smile before you hid your face against his leather-clad pec he didn’t let on. You pulled your hands free and looped your arms around his middle, clasping your fingers together under the base of his wings.
“I’m ready then, thank you for coming with me.” Your voice was muffled, unwilling to tilt your head up to talk to him in case your maddening blush was there. It didn’t seem to matter how many times you winnowed with Az, your whole face would go cherry red. Something Cassian never failed to poke fun at whenever he witnessed it.
Azriel wrapped his arms tightly around you, your body now flush to his. You focused on the sound of his wings rustling as he tucked them in closer. Anything to distract from the way your pulse spiked when you felt his lips brush against the crown of your head, his hold on you gentle, yet firm and protective as darkness folded around the both of you.
XxXx
Neither you nor Azriel realized the issue with your room reservation until much too late. Upon arrival in The Day Court the both of you hurried to the event. The gala wrapped up around midnight, and like most of the other guests staying in town, you and Azriel retired back to the nearby Inn. With your strappy heels in hand and a pleasant buzz from the alcohol, you felt positively bubbly. Paused in front of your room, you let Azriel rummage through the small black purse at your side for the key. After almost leading them into the wrong room, Azriel took it upon himself to find the correct room and unlock the door.
Minutes later you were still trying to suppress a smile at how Azriel reacted with such mortification when he realized you’d led them to the wrong room. The mental image of the great Shadowsinger so frantic in his efforts to stop you from further jostling the doorknob, had you letting out a laugh before you could stop it.
“It’s not funny.” He grumbled as he swung the wooden door to your room open, leading you inside. You were on the verge of poking fun at him some more when you caught a glimpse of the interior layout. Right, you had RSVP’d expecting to attend the gala alone. The realization sobered you up real fast.
The room was small, burgundy curtains concealing a sizable window, antique desk with tourist flyers stacked in a neat pile on top. A queen sized, four post bed situated in the middle of the room.
“I’ll take the floor—” Azriel started saying.
But you interrupted him. “—you should have the bed.”
“Absolutely not, what kind of gentleman would I be if I let a lady sleep on the floor while I hogged the whole bed.” He nodded, as if the conversation was over, and you had to fight the urge to roll your eyes at him.
“There’s not even enough space on the floor for you to stretch out Az. The room is basically only bed. It’s fine, I can use my extra clothes—”
You inhaled sharply, tensing at the thought of your overnight bag, left forgotten back at Mor's apartment. Your eyes darted to Azriel, meeting his gaze out of the corner of your eye, and you knew you didn’t need to say anything about it as he scoffed under his breath.
“You forgot your bag.” He observed.
Sighing, you ran a hand through your hair, your tight dress feeling like it was constricting around your chest as you contemplated sleeping in it. “I did indeed forget my bag.”
“We could just go back, we don’t have to stay here for the night.” Azriel pointed out, but the thought of cutting the trip short caused a ripple of disappointment to drop in your stomach.
“Or,” he continued with a hint of amusement, “I have an undershirt beneath my leathers. I changed before I met you at Mor’s, so it’s relatively clean. I was going to sleep in it tonight, but I would sacrifice my shirt for you if it meant you’d stop frowning like that.”
If you thought you were anxious before, Azriel’s suggestion sent your anxiety through the roof. You had always found Azriel attractive, even when you were still living in Hewn City. Who wouldn’t? That attraction grew into a bit of a crush when you first arrived in Velaris. He treated you with such care as you adjusted to living above ground, quiet, patient, and thoughtful.
Once it was apparent that you would be working closely with him you shut that shit down. You and him had spent a lot of time traveling together the last few years, always with separate sleeping arrangements, and never sharing clothing. You went out of your way to respect his privacy, give him space, all in hopes of being someone he one day could trust, like how you trusted him.
You could handle one night, sharing a bed, borrowing his shirt. That wouldn’t totally backfire on you in any way, right? Nodding to yourself once, you tried for an air of confidence as you talked around the nerves that have bloomed in your chest.
“Okay,” you agreed, “but if I change into your shirt you definitely can’t take the floor. I won’t let you sleep shirtless on the ground while I’m all tucked in and cozy in bed. I’ll only take up a sliver of it by myself anyway.”
He opened his mouth to object, his intentions written in the way his brow furrowed at you. But you barreled on anyway, “So, we share the bed tonight. Are you comfortable with that?”
His mouth snapped shut, eyes studying you for a tense moment as if you may be tricking him. You clasped your hands together in front of you, the longer you waited for him to respond the clammier your palms felt. Each second felt like an eternity and in no time at all you found yourself scrambling for a way to play off your idea as a joke.
Of course he wouldn’t want to share a bed with you. What in the world had you been thinking?
Maybe you could blame it on that deliciously fizzy drink you downed before leaving the gala, say you weren’t in your right mind. Pretend to not remember in the morning, as if this wasn’t going to be a moment you cringe about decades later. Would you be able to just laugh it off? Would Azriel be chill enough to let you live this down? You were probably so screwed.
He was still a little tense, but just before your panic truly took root Azriel began to nod his head like he...agreed with you?
“Yes, I think that is the most logical solution. The bed can definitely fit two.” Azriel finally said, and you tried to keep yourself from gaping at his response. But your surprise must have been all over your face because he went on to say, “I didn’t suggest it myself because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Wiping your hands down the front of your dress did little to help with the sweat. The pit that had been taking form in your stomach churned, your dread morphing into jittery nerves.
Then, as if you weren’t having a nervous breakdown right in front of him, the handsome lunatic started striping his leathers off. Dept hands tossing his gloves to the desk, he unclasped the chest pieces of his leathers, they fell to the floor with a thud. Then, the promised black undershirt was up over his head, and you were drinking in all his tattoos and corded muscles like you were a tactless teenager instead of a 300+ year old female.
A flash of movement from him, and you flinched when his shirt hit you square in the face. It was so big it draped over your head. You made a disgruntled noise, ignoring how delicious the shirt smelled as you removed it from your face, “Hey—!”
“If you’re done gawking at me like you’ve never seen a shirtless male, you can get ready for bed first.” He headed further into the room, collecting his chest piece off the floor and approaching the desk to place it with his gloves. He turned to face you, his butt propped against the desk as he gestured to the door his wingspan had been blocking from view. He crossed his arms over his bare chest, flexing his biceps, and you almost swooned at the sight. He knew exactly what he was doing.
Your fist tightened around the shirt, fighting the urge to toss it back at him out of spite. Embarrassment felt like hot iron under your skin, so instead you snapped your attention to the door he had pointed out–the bathroom. You knew you’d averted your gaze much too fast to seem unaffected by him. He chuckled, and you glowered at him as his head tilted to the side, watching you with a bemused expression. He looked about ready to comment further, but you waved him off with faux-annoyance and an exaggerated roll of your eyes. Clutching his shirt close to your chest, you escaped into the bathroom.
Subtle.
Pressing your back to the door, it closed under your weight. You paused there for a moment to focus on your breathing, your frazzled mind going a mile a minute. This was all so far out of your comfort zone, it wasn’t even funny. You never had to deal with handsome males in The Court of Nightmares, Kier didn’t let you socialize long enough for it to even be on your radar. Dating hadn’t quite made your list of top priorities upon arriving in Velaris either.
What little experience you did have was with a male named Allistair. You’d met him at Rita’s within your first year above ground. It was a fling of sorts that lasted a few months before you decided casual dating wasn’t for you. He was a perfectly adequate lover. At least you think he was. He was also your only lover. A nice enough companion as you acclimated to your new life. The times you had been intimate with that male had left you feeling…bereft. Seeing Allistair shirtless had been nothing like seeing Azriel shirtless.
And Azriel calling you out for ogling him so blatantly? Mother have mercy.
So now you were just expected to fall asleep next to him wearing his shirt after that? The situation almost made you want to laugh at the absurdity of it all. The last thing you wanted was to draw his suspicion by loitering against the door for too much longer, so you moved to the sink. Maybe splashing lukewarm water on your face would reveal that this had all been a weird ass nightmare.
Cupping water into your face a couple more times, you took in the smeared makeup dripping down your face in the mirror. Definitely not a dream.
Azriel was going to think you were in love with him for fucksake.
Snatching the nearby hand towel from the rack on the wall you soaked it, and got to work on scrubbing your face clean. You had to have a little more faith in Azriel. He wouldn’t let a single weird moment ruin over two years of amicable teamwork. But your personal relationship with him felt fragile to you at best. You can't let some tattoos and abs mess up what you considered to be the most solid friendship you’d made among the Inner Circle.
So what if he was hot as hell? You could co-exist with attractive people, it was legit a part of your job. You could salvage the situation, just change out of the dress you accidentally matched to the colors of his siphons, put his shirt on that smelled so strongly of him it gave you a headrush, and face him like you hadn't just been drooling over him.
You know, simple.
The hem of his t-shirt landed just above your knees, and the comfort you found in it was criminal. The black fabric was very soft and so baggy that you worried the wing slits in the back would shift forward in your sleep. It could reveal a little more than what you’d considered 'tasteful side boob'.
Resisting the urge to fuss in the mirror (because it wasn't like you were trying to look cute for anyone, right?), you exited the bathroom clean faced and a bit more settled than when you had entered.
Your bravado, however, was short lived. Azriel faced away from you in only his underwear, the rest of his leathers added to the pile on the desk. He was organizing his various knives on the bedside table closest to the main door.
He looked over his shoulder at you. Totally not catching you checking out his butt in the tight underpants. Cauldron boil you. Would it be weird if you marched yourself back into the bathroom to try the whole “not affected by sexy, almost nude Illyrian warrior” thing again?
Azriel inhaled sharply, and you snuck a glance at him. His attention was back on his knives, but there was a tension to him, almost like he was brooding. There might have been a light blush over his cheeks, but you felt weird analyzing him anymore than you already had out of habit. You clocked the change in his body language for what it was the instant he saw you in his shirt. Clenched jaw, tense shoulders, spine ramrod straight, wide eyed before averting his gaze, elevated heart rate–classic signs of attraction. Reactions he clearly didn’t want you to notice.
"I'm taking this side." He informed almost absently, patting the mattress. Leaving you with the window side.
You wandered to the desk to avoid observing him further, wishing that you could turn off the part of you that always seemed to be prying for more information. And then you felt it, his thoughts getting louder, his emotions growing wilder, reaching out to you. You slammed your mental shields up hard, a gross feeling taking root when it was too late.
Protect. Azriel’s intentions conveyed to you. Protect. Comfort. Provide. Here you were invading his private thoughts without his knowledge, while he was concerned with your wellbeing. What was the point of all that effort Rhysand put into teaching you how to better control your mental shields? It never worked when you needed it most. The failure stung, and you had to busy yourself with folding your dress in a neat square so you had something to keep your hands from shaking.
It was quiet for too long, and you struggled with recalling what he had said to you before you’d lost control. Something about the bed. "Sounds good to me." You decide on saying, placing your dress next to his leathers.
Azriel didn’t seem to find your reply out of the ordinary. Small mercies.
"I'll be out in a few minutes, then." His voice was rougher than before, and it sent chills down your spine. As soon as you heard the bathroom door click shut you scurried into bed. You couldn’t get under the covers fast enough, pulling the blankets up to your neck with a hefty sigh of relief.
It felt awesome to be laying down after such a long evening on your feet. Too bad you couldn’t enjoy it more, instead drowning under waves of shame. Maybe you’d never get a full handle on your powers. Maybe the Mother was teaching you a lesson in this life? You couldn’t fathom what the moral could be. You wanted more than anything to be able to mind your business.
You wished you could turn your brain off. Alas, even your guilt couldn’t stop you from reflecting and organizing what you’d just observed. Not only had you heard his intentions, but you also felt them. Unlike the sweet warmth of his thoughts, his gaze had felt like desire and bad decisions.
He didn’t seem like he was actively seeking to bed you. You reasoned that you were also an available female wearing nothing but his shirt and a pair of panties. You could only imagine how all of that must have chafed against his Illyrian instincts. Rhysand had once mentioned that Illyrians were possessive and protective at best, controlling and jealous at their worst.
Surely those possessive instincts were what you were picking up on, then. You were covered in his scent after all. That was the only logical explanation for his reaction, his instincts were telling him to protect you because you were vulnerable and wearing his clothing. Even if it didn’t quite sound right to you, it was the only explanation you were willing to entertain. You were barely friends, there was no way Azriel wanted to court you. The thought sent a fleeting pang of disappointment through you that you refused to examine.
Whatever. There wasn’t anything you could do to make the situation less messy right now. You were exhausted, and stewing on scenarios that would never amount to anything real was unlike you.
Snuggling further into the sheets, you decided it was best to just pretend you hadn’t noticed shit. The damage was done, Azriel wasn’t dumb, he at least knew he had flustered you. You weren’t going to draw any more attention to that tonight. Or tomorrow. Or ever. Everything about this night was a fluke.
Azriel returned from the bathroom, and you kept your focus on fluffing your pillows. Sitting up you tossed an extra pillow onto the floor, and you could feel as soon as his eyes landed on you that some of his…instincts…were still acting up. You pulled the comforter back up to your neck as he got into bed next to you. Turning on your side to face him you were determined to be normal. No more awkward gawking allowed tonight.
He stretched his arms up above his head, his joints popping a million times as he groaned in relief. You couldn't help chuckling at him, the fearsome Shadowsinger of the Night Court, doing something so mundane.
Scooting further onto the bed, Azriel rolled over to meet your gaze, his wings tucked close to his back as he settled. Most of his wingspan spilled over the side of the bed anyway. He surveyed you, eyes lingering along your tired but genuine smile, and you saw the stern tenseness slowly leave his body. "You sure you're comfortable with this?" He asked.
Your smile turned a tad warmer. This male was just so kind, so different from what you knew in Hewn City. "I am, I trust you Azriel." It was the truth. You didn't have friends growing up, and although you may have a long way to go before Azriel truly called you his friend, you considered him a dear (sexy) friend.
Your words seem to settle something in him, and you could have sworn you saw something almost affectionate flash across his face. You blink, and it's gone, but the fuzzy feeling it left in your chest remains.
Like he sensed your mushy thoughts, he ruined the moment. "So I have to ask you something, it’s serious.”
Your brows raised in bemused interest, the scenario with him wishing to court you snapping to the forefront of your mind again. He’d always been very attentive to you, but in a worried protective way. You’d never picked up on any romantic intentions from him before, and he’s not the type to make a decision like that on a whim. The chance was small, but you couldn’t 100% rule out him wanting to ask you out. Could you say no to him? Would you even want to say no? You’d never considered this as an option before!
He held your gaze, as if for dramatic effect and then with the seriousness of a top notch spymaster he asked you, “You have seen a shirtless male before...right?"
Maybe it was a mistake to consider this male kind, he was a menace all along.
You had never rolled your eyes so hard at someone. Unbelievable.
Turning away from him with enough force to toss your hair in his face, you are rewarded with the sound of his indignant grunt.
"Can you turn the light off please?" You snap, unable to rein in your annoyance. Unsettled by how it tasted almost like rejection.
"You didn't answer my question." He goaded, and you fell right for it.
"Yeah, because it's a silly question." You fire back.
He hummed at your response, "Doesn't seem like you think it's a silly question."
You would rather swallow your own tongue than admit to Azriel that you’d seen shirtless males, but he had been the first you’d enjoyed seeing shirtless.
Done with the line of questioning, you blindly flung your arm back, swatting at him. He startled at the contact, and he exhaled a scoff when you didn't stop flopping your arm at him after the first blow.
He caught your wrist, stilling your flailing. "Fine, fine, I'll drop it," He let go of your wrist, “for now.”
You shifted to burrow further into your pillows, totally not dwelling on how his big hand wrapped around your wrist made you feel dainty. The texture of his scars hadn’t made your heart skip a beat either. Nope. Not at all.
"Could you shut the light off please." You asked again with more venom than you intended. It bothered you how easy this male could get under your skin. He wasn’t even trying.
You felt his weight shifting, the bed frame squeaking a bit as he moved. "Anything for you, Princess." He shuffled a little more, and then the light went off, casting the both of you in darkness.
The nickname made you grimace into your pillow. No one had ever called you that before, and you really didn’t want it to catch on.
You felt him return to the position on his side facing you. Some moments passed in loud silence, and although you were the one that let the conversation drop, the residual tension in the room was killing you. There was no way you would be able to fall asleep, and you would bet that Azriel was stewing in the tension too.
"Az?" You whispered. His response was quick like he’d been waiting on edge for you to speak, "Yes?"
"Goodnight." And you found yourself meaning it. You hoped he got some sleep tonight despite the turmoil he had so effortlessly sowed in your stomach with his teasing. The prick.
You could practically hear the mischief in his voice. "Sleep well, princess."
Ugh. Your stomach coiled, but not in an entirely unpleasant way. Very dangerous. It was an inappropriate reaction, and you wrote it off as stress. However as hard as you wished to forget it, you wouldn’t be forgetting how Azriel had made you feel that night anytime soon.
Even your racing thoughts couldn’t stop sleep from finding you, putting you out of your misery.
And if you woke up to the sounds of song birds that morning, your face pressed against Azriel's neck, your body sprawled atop him while he slept on his back, then that was your business. No one would know if you relished being in his arms a few minutes longer than necessary. You wouldn’t confirm nor deny if one of his hands had looped through a wing hole of his borrowed shirt, his fingers resting just under your breast.
And so what if it had been the best sleep you'd gotten since leaving Hewn City. And if Azriel seemed more well rested than usual on your return to the Night Court, you certainly didn't notice that either.
XxXx
Next Chapter
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mcverse · 1 year
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hi!!!! i have a req for neteyam x na’vi reader with a “marriage of convenience” trope. where reader does genuinely try to make it work with neteyam, but after months of being shut down she stops trying after talking to kiri. neteyam has always treated reader as a duty to be fulfilled, but LOWKEY has feelings for her he keeps SUPPRESSSSEDDDDD. however, after one of readers good friends from another clan visits, neteyams jealousy gets hold of him. you could make the rest however you’d like, but happy ending please🫶🏽
Pairings: Neteyam x F! Na’vi! Reader
Type: One Shot
Word count: 3.1K
Warnings: Angst, Miscommunication, slight jealous, not proof read, edited to fix mess ups
Side Bar: You’re amazing for requesting this! Thank you!!!
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Love, that elusive and mysterious emotion, has captivated you since you first heard about it. The concept of love is a feeling of warmth, passion, and a connection that's deeper than anything else, impossible to ignore. It's terrifying and exhilarating, often filled with moments of joy, uncertainty, and vulnerability.
But falling in love? That's a whole different story. It's like the world suddenly shifts into a whole new perspective. Colors are brighter, sounds are louder, and everything you didn't care about before suddenly becomes beautiful and captivating.
Your thoughts, your mind, your body - everything is consumed by the object of your affection. No amount of daydreaming or silly little creepy crawlers in your tummy could ever prepare you for finally being seen by them, for being loved by them.
It's tragic that not everyone has the luxury of falling in love for themselves. In many clans, people come together for the benefits of both parties. Love becomes an afterthought when situations arise, and it breaks your heart. It's almost like love becomes foreign to them, despite having found it on their own.
But to be forced into a relationship of convenience, not truly knowing the other person, is frightening and challenging. They're a stranger, and it feels so wrong to love them. It's like they weren't made for you, like Eywa didn't create them for you. And it hurts. It's a deep, stabbing pain in your chest that never truly goes away.
Why is it that anyone but you is allowed to love who they want?
The thought reverberates in your mind, a constant reminder of the burden you bear. Love, the very essence of Na’vi emotion, was supposed to be a choice, a right, not a privilege granted by duty. But there you are, trapped in a loveless relationship, forced into a union that you never wanted.
"It's your duty," they told you, as if that was supposed to make it easier. As if it was supposed to alleviate the guilt and the pain. "You will learn to love Neteyam, the chief of the Omaticaya Clan." It was always for the greater good, always about the needs of the clan. "This alliance will strengthen the Na'vi, it is the will of your father."
But what about your will? What about your heart? You didn't want to learn to love someone; it wasn't realistic, it was forced. The very idea of it was distressing, and it made you sick just thinking about it.
You knew, deep down, that it wasn't about how you felt, though.
It was clear as you saw your future mate leave your shared hut hurriedly, feeling the weight of the unspoken understanding between you. He was just as much a victim of this situation as you were, and it was obvious that love was an afterthought to him, just as it was to your people. You were just a means to an end, a pawn in a game that you never asked to play.
But you had to play along, no matter how unbearable it got. You sought him out against your better judgement, watching him like always from the distance at first. It was justified, your future mate was intimidating in both height and build. If he wanted to, he could break you easily, ridding you of existence due to your constant annoyance over the past few months.
When you finally work up the nerve, the training session have ended and you use that time approach him, fiddling with the small basket of Yovo fruits, “Ma Neteyam,” you called out to him, grabbing his attention immediately.
He tenses up, his face hardening as he motions with his head for the last young warrior to leave before giving his attention back to you, “Ma [Name], what are you doing here?” He asked, eyes flickering to the basket. His hands twitched by his side but remained there.
“I knew you would be training hard, Neteyam, so I thought I'd bring you a treat," you said, smiling up at him. You cringed inwardly at how needy you must look, reminding yourself why you had to get along with him.
Neteyam's lips formed a tight line, and his forehead creased as if he were pondering something difficult. Finally, he bowed his head to you. "That's kind of you," he said, his eyes drifting off to the side. "But I don't want any. Perhaps the trainees would?"
You could tell he was playing the nice card, as he always did. What he really meant was, "I don't want anything from you." Your ears flattened against your head in disappointment, and you lowered the basket.
"Of course," you said, trying to hide your disappointment. "What a great idea. Do you mind giving it to them then?" You raised the basket, suddenly feeling the weight of it more heavily than before, and offered it to him.
As Neteyam took the basket from you, you couldn't help but feel a small spark of hope. Maybe this time would be different. But as his fingers brushed yours, you felt him pull away as if your touch was toxic. His reaction stung, but you tried to hide it as he turned away from you.
"Of course," he muttered, barely looking at you.
You couldn't stand how he was treating you. It seemed like no matter how hard you tried, he was always shutting you out. You couldn't help but wonder if he was even trying to make this work.
You were caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, you couldn't force him to love you, but on the other hand, you couldn't bear the thought of being alone if he doesn’t come around. The fact that this was all just for the benefit of your clans didn't make it any easier.
You tried to salvage the conversation, “Will I see you for dinner?” You tried again to make the effort, only to be shot down immediately, no hesitation whatsoever.
“I have patrols. Don’t wait up.” He left soon after, leaving you frustrated and hopeless. Nothing you ever do is reaching him, was he made out of actual rock?
It's annoying how one-sided everything feels.
You always initiate contact, never the other way around. You bring him gifts, participate in his customs and traditions, and cook for him, only to be met with silence or absence. And yet, you continue to do it all with a forced smile, hoping that one day he'll see your effort and reciprocate.
But the reality is, you don't know how much longer you can keep up this charade of a marriage. From the outside, it's a picture-perfect union, respected by all. But inside, you barely speak to each other and can't stand being in the same room together for more than a few minutes. It's like there's too much space, yet you feel suffocated at the same time.
You expressed how you felt later that day with Kiri, as you always do. She, along with her youngest brother, Lo’ak understood what it was like to feel different from her people—soon to be your people. So it felt right confiding in her, knowing she gets you when your future mate doesn’t make the effort to try.
Kiri sat next to you, intently fixing a necklace for one of the clanmates who had messed up. As she worked, she spoke softly, "That's unlike my brother, I don't understand why he's acting like this towards you." She gave you a sympathetic look before continuing, "I know it's frustrating, but give it some more time."
You couldn't help but let out a frustrated huff, crossing your arms tightly over your chest. "That's all I've been giving. When is enough time enough?" you asked, your voice tinged with annoyance. You knew you weren't exaggerating or imagining things.
Kiri paused her work, considering your words for a moment before offering a suggestion. "Perhaps you need to approach it differently. Focus on yourself, as he focuses on the village. Maybe then he'll realize that he should have been focused on you too."
You looked at her with surprise, not expecting such wise advice from her. As she placed the finished necklace on the low table, you smiled genuinely for once, feeling a glimmer of hope. This was the best advice she had ever given you, and you knew it was time to stop waiting for him to come to you and start putting your own feelings first.
After thanking Kiri and complimenting her handiwork, you left her hut feeling a sense of relief wash over you. The air felt fresher and lighter, as if the weight of your worries had been lifted off your shoulders.
From that moment on, you threw yourself back into your tsakarem training, determined to become a skilled and respected member of the Omaticaya clan. By immersing yourself in their culture and customs, you began to feel a deeper connection to both the people and the land.
This newfound sense of belonging also opened up new opportunities for you to assist with the day-to-day tasks of the tribe, and in return, they offered their guidance and support to help you adjust to your new way of life.
The perfect example would be currently, where you were in your hut crushing herbs that Tuk had brought you after hearing you asking about them. You were actually happy knowing Neteyam’s family were warming up to you. But Neteyam was still distant.
As you crushed the herb, you couldn't help but feel a pang of frustration and hurt. You had heard countless stories about the Omaticaya chief, Neteyam, and his unwavering loyalty and attentiveness to his people. Yet, when it came to you, his soon-to-be mate, he seemed to give you the cold shoulder.
You had tried to make him a priority in your life, but it seemed like he didn't feel the same way. Why did he get to act like he didn't want you while you had to pine after him? It didn't make sense to you, especially since you were in an arranged marriage for the sake of your clans' alliance.
As you were lost in thought, you were startled by the sound of your hut's entrance swooshing open. You looked up to see Aeknim, one of your close friends from your old home, smiling at you. "[Name], I was hoping you were here!" he exclaimed, taking a seat across the low table from you.
“Aeknim, what are you doing here?” You asked, curious about the goofy grin on his face. You haven’t seen him since you left, to come out of the blue must be important.
He chuckled, raising his head high, “I have found a worthy mate.” He proudly said, patting his chest with his right hand for a job well done.
You put down the pestle you were holding and clasped his hands in yours, "That's amazing news, my friend! Tell me all about her." As he shared the details of his new love, you couldn't help but feel happy for him.
Aeknim spent the afternoon telling you all about his new mate while you caught up on old times. You even forgot about your tsakarem training for the day, knowing that there were other healers in the village who could cover for you. One day wouldn’t hurt.
As night fell and it was time for Aeknim to depart, you walked him to the edge of the village to say goodbye. You ignored the curious glances from your fellow villagers as you hugged your friend tightly and bid him farewell, wishing him well on his journey and sending him off with some healing ointment in case he needed it.
When you approached your hut coming back, you noticed Neteyam standing in front of it, his expression inscrutable as he watched you approach with a predatory gaze. You tilted your head up to meet his eyes, wondering what had brought him here.
Without preamble, he demanded, "Who was that?"
Confused, you asked, "Who was who?"
Neteyam inhaled sharply through his nose, his jaw tensing as he closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, they blazed with an intensity that made you take a step back. "The man you were walking around the village with," he said, his voice deeper than usual as he stepped closer to you. He bent his head, allowing a few braids to fall into his face. "That's who I'm talking about."
You recoiled at the sudden change in Neteyam's demeanor. The tension emanating from him was uncomfortable and you couldn't maintain eye contact with him any longer. As you tried to process his words, you looked away.
Aeknim was the man he was referring to, but you couldn't fathom why Neteyam was so bothered by you walking with him. You decided to meet his intense gaze again, but his eyes, usually a bright yellow, were darker and it made you shudder.
"Yes, Aeknim came to visit me," you confirmed, hoping to dispel any misunderstandings.
"He came to see you?" he repeated, furrowing his brow in confusion. He leaned back slightly and asked, "Why did he come to see you?"
You paused for a moment, caught off guard by his sudden interest in your life. You couldn't recall a time when Neteyam cared about what you did or who you spent time with, and it annoyed you that he was being so attentive now.
"Why does that matter to you?" you asked, your tone defensive as you tried to keep the frustration out of your voice. You noticed his tail swishing behind him aggressively, and it only served to make you more uneasy.
Neteyam didn’t like what he was hearing. No, he didn’t like what he was seeing. His mate was defending another male, it made him sick inside and angry… the only male you should be protecting is him.
"You are my mate--" he began, but you cut him off, your ears flattening against your head at his words. You could feel your own anger rising, a fierce determination filling you.
"Yet, I am not your mate yet," you corrected him, standing your ground. You had done nothing wrong, so where was this interrogation coming from? It was almost as if he had lost his mind.
Eywa help him.
Neteyam shook his head, his braids swaying with the movement. "Now and then, you are my mate!" he spat, his face scrunched up in disgust. "Who visits my mate late into the night is my concern. You are my concern."
“You have an interesting way of showing concern for your mate, especially over the last few months,” you retorted, holding back a scoff as you watched confusion flash across Neteyam's face.
“Did you forget? Because I certainly haven't,” you continued, your expression softening slightly as you finally allowed your exhaustion to show.
It had been a constant struggle trying to reach him, and now is the time you choose to feel vulnerable, “You've been distant while I've been trying to connect with you. Not cold, necessarily, but you might as well have been with your absence.”
Neteyam's face softened as realization dawned on him as you continued, “I had to learn how to live here from people other than you. Your family has been around more than you have.” You finished, waiting for a response, but he simply stood there, eyes lowered towards the ground.
This time your scoff freely at him, honestly disappointed. You thought this conversation was getting somewhere, somehow to a point where you can come to some sort of agreement but there he goes again avoiding you.
Having enough of him, you brush pass him to enter the hut, “Of course, you have nothing to say.” You expected him to leave after that, like he does every morning to get away from you but he enters behind you, his expression morphed into determination.
“I have nothing to say,” he started, standing in the doorway, despite his expression, his body betrayed him as he’s slightly hunched over and his ears a deep purple, “because I don’t know how else to act with the one who I’ve already fallen in love with, but haven’t fallen for me yet.”
His words catch you off guard, and you turn to face him fully, shoulders losing its tenseness, “What?” You can’t believe he just said that. He loves you?
“I’ve noticed you more than you noticed me. I know that your actions mean nothing to you, while if I returned them, it would mean everything to me.” He started walking towards you, “I know your feelings you display towards me are not genuine. I know you don’t want to mate with me. I know and still can’t help but fall.” He stops a feet away from you, eyes trailing over your face.
“How can I do those things knowing what it means to me, that you don’t see me like I see you.” He finished, looking you in the eyes. There they were, bright yellow, nothing like the other harsh color. He looked as you expectedly, gentle, yearning and vulnerable.
Your throat tightened with emotion as you gazed up at him. His confession was a shock, but a welcome one. It was as though a veil had been lifted, and you saw him in a new light. Perhaps you had been blind to his feelings, too caught up in your own concerns. Perhaps you had been the one in the wrong all along, insensitive to his emotions, and acting selfishly.
Looking at Neteyam now, you saw a man baring his soul to you. He was hoping for your acceptance and understanding, acknowledging his mistakes and making an effort to set them right. You saw him in a new light: gentle, kind, compassionate, and fierce - just as all the stories said.
How could you have missed this before?
"I had no idea," you said, your voice quivering with emotion as tears welled up in your eyes. "I was so focused on my own desires that I neglected to ask about your true feelings."
Neteyam shook his head, "It was my fault for not showing you how I truly felt. If I had, we wouldn't be in this position now."
You chuckled softly, tilting your head down as you brushed a stray hair behind your ear. "You're right about that," you said, reaching out to take his hand in yours. Bringing it to your chest, you looked up at him with a shy smile. "But it doesn't matter. I see you, Neteyam. All of you."
Neteyam's eyes lit up, a goofy grin spreading across his face. He looked so handsome and carefree, and you couldn't help but think that this was what had been holding him back all this time.
"I see you too, [Name]. I always have," he said, pulling you close to him. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to yours in a long-awaited kiss.
Maybe you can learn to love him, wholeheartedly and authentically.
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Edit: Thank you for all the likes and reblogs! Means a lot ❤️ Helpful hint for reblogs, be sure to add # to be found
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New post : all my life I had to fight, Lo’ak x human! reader
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minjix · 1 year
Text
cherry pie → Vinnie Hacker x best friend!female!reader
summary: in which Vinnie risks it all whilst baking a cherry pie on stream
warnings: friends to lovers trope, Vinnie being insecure, few swear words. fluff ofc :)))
a/n: stopped writing because I got no engagement with my writing, no reblogs or comments, something that creators on this platform thrives on. This is not Instagram, you can’t spam like a creators posts and think that it’ll do anything, because honestly it’s all discouraging. with that in mind, i will block spam liking because it does nothing.
word count: 0.9k
masterlist
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You loved Vinnie, ever since you two met it was love at first sight. You both were shy in nature, but the moment you were introduced you were so sure you’ve met someone from your past life. The conversation between you two came easily, no awkwardness, just a melody each time your eyes met.
Vinnie was special, his hand grasping yours so he wouldn’t lose you in the crowd. Always keeping a napkin in his pocket since you always seemed to spill something. He often found himself comparing you to the sun, but quickly realized that not even the big star above his head came close in comparison to you. Vinnie loved you too.
Both of you kept silent, choked laughs and glances to one’s direction when the other wasn’t looking.
It was clear to everyone else, the love of which was growing everyday keeping you both prisoners in its grasp.
Vinnie was convinced he’d die if he never admitted it, his chest tightening as his heart grew and doubled its beats when you were around. But he was terrified of losing you if he spoke the truth, so he hid, despite his world crumbling every time another content creator asked for your number, which you always declined with a reserved smile, the smile you promised Vinnie was his.
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Vinnie wanted to do something different for his upcoming stream that weekend. Instead of playing the usual games he wanted to bake a cherry pie with you, and you immediately agreed before the tattooed blonde finished his sentence. So there you were, flour coating your cheeks and clothes after Vinnie decided to throw some at you.
The whole kitchen was a mess, eggs and crushed cherries staining cupboards and clothes. Vinnie’s eyes were on you whilst you spoke to the viewers. You were a mess, but you looked so fucking beautiful with that smile that Vinnie would die for. He scolded himself when his thoughts crafted a world in which you stood before him, dressed in white and his ring on your finger. It stung, so deeply that he had to take a deep breath to come back to reality, the reality where you were only his friend and nothing more.
He remembered Noah telling Vinnie how he was his own worst enemy, and now he wholeheartedly agreed as he watched you in this perfect light, a beckoning for him to tell you his deepest secrets, but yet his tongue remained still and a bitter feeling grew in his stomach as he continued to watch you.
You were his opposite. Vinnie bore a dark cloud over his head, sometimes it’d rain or thunder, but now it was merely there, darkening his thoughts while you radiated sunshine and warmth. He stood no chance.
You gave the blonde a soft tap on his inked arm to bring him back from wherever his mind traveled to, something you were used to see happening. “You still with us?” You whispered, a smile on your lips but your eyes held a spark of concern.
To play it cool, the blonde gave you a wink with a cheeky smile, “for you? "Always." He looked back to the monitor so he could read the chat, but every time you let out a laugh his mind wandered to that special place again.
“Honestly, it looks pretty good,” you spoke as you glanced down at the cherry pie. “Why do you sound so surprised?” He laughed, knocking his shoulder softly into yours.
“Vin, have you met us?” He had to agree on that one. “Besides I’m no chef, and you’re always distracted,” because of you, he wanted to interrupt with, but he bit his lip to force the words back down his throat. “And when you’re not; you play around too much.” You continued.
He turned back to the chat with a exaggerated smile and waved his arms around, “you heard it here folks, Y/n and I are no longer friends,” you quickly grabbed his arms with a giddy laugh, “finally!” He stopped and turned to look down at you. “Bullshit, you love me too much.” He looked serious, but the corner of his lips twitching gave it away.
“Yeah, of course I do. Gonna marry you one day.” You mumbled but Vinnie heard it loud and clear. “Don’t say that.” He quipped. His heart was doing painful somersaults in his chest. “I’m serious, don’t joke about that.” He was sweating as he spoke, his voice shaking with each word. His stream had been long forgotten as you stood in front of him, eyes staring into his.
“Vinn-“ He didn’t let you finish. He compared it to blacking out as he told you how much pain he was in simply because you existed, and how he didn’t mind the pain because it made him feel alive. He came to when you told him how important he was to you too. “I can’t lose you Vin, I’m so scared that I’ll-“ he grabbed your face and quickly pulled you into a toe curling, passionate kiss. A kiss that warmed his heart and he could feel the cracks patching together. Your hands gripped his waist as the kiss continued to grow more passionate, and then you quickly pulled back in panic. “The stream!”
“Fuck em’” he smiled and pulled you back in for another breathtaking kiss. He couldn’t help the laughs escaping him as the kiss continued. He never felt like this and he knew that he would do anything to keep you in this life.
———-
comments and reblogs makes a different!
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nyctophiliq · 5 months
Text
thinking heavy about the blackmailing trope with stalker! abby :(
cw; 18+ mdni, dark/nsfw content, STALKING, female-bodied reader, masturbation, blackmailing, manipulation, controlling themes, ooc abby (?)
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originally abby didn’t plan on picking up this class, but well… things didn’t go well with her other subjects and she needed more credit before the semester ended so she could pass. thinking it through she didn’t mind it, in this world you can make big bucks off of it and she was kinda into the idea of everything that revolved around tech and computers, even tho she didn’t have her own until high school ended.
that’s the class she first saw you in, that computer science class. she had never seen you before, and later found out that you were accompanying one of your friends while you had a free period.
when her fascination with you doesn't go away, she is the sort to put hidden cameras in your dorms or even learn how to hack into your phone, laptop, and whatever else you own so she can monitor you and what you do. she is merely watching you take a shower or put on clothes, and she has no rational reasons for what she is doing.
but she gets sick of staring at your image on her displays since you are so monotonous and do so little in such a long time. however, there is no way you would attempt anything unless you knew she was watching you. that is until you storm into your room with heated skin and labored breathing; at that point, she refocuses her attention on you and becomes even more engrossed in what you are attempting to do when you reach beneath your bed.
her skin tingles with anticipation as you take out a box with a firm grip, toss away the lid, and remove your prized possession from it. a glass dildo with a few larger, knot-like sections that curve like a real cock and a sweet, pink heart-shaped handle. without much patience for foreplay and in a rush to get everything ready, you don't hesitate to force it down your own throat and saturate it in your saliva.
abby can see how your form twitches and your fingers dip to circle your clit since the cameras are at such an angle that they are only a few inches away from you and are peering down at you. normally, she would like to spend time by herself observing you, but because everything you did at that time seemed hurried and urgent, she was afraid she would miss something if she turned her gaze away.
because she can already hear you gagging on the dildo between your lips and slamming your hips into the air as you drool, she thought it was dumb of her to forget to get a recording of your noises. the toy is covered in enough saliva to have a slight sheen when you finally pull it out, after what seems like hours and hours. she catches her breath as you glide it down your body and groans as you shove it within your pussy, your juices pooling around the object and dripping onto your white bedding.
she has little to no patience, desperate to feel your skin against hers, that when you wake up the next day a dvd sits on your nightstand with a note on top of its cover and a little red bow tied around it. the note goes on and on, calling you "an ugly slut" and a "flighty degenerate she should just throw away" but she has an offer. after a few nights, she is more than willing to get rid of the video, of which she has the only copy.
and what can you do if not comply, meeting her at the designated spot and date, at the exact hour of the day just as she wants it. you wouldn’t want those little details about your life behind a closed door to get out, now would you? for everyone to see what a depraved whore you are to be used as nothing but a fuck toy. but she can help you, the two of you can help each other out, and that video you just saw? there will never be a sign of it anymore, nobody will see it. of course, she doesn’t tell you that she is gonna keep it on a separate hard drive for herself to sometimes take a look at but if she is in the mood for it, might just fuck you while making you watch it.
but a few nights will never be enough for her and she will keep making excuses to have you with her, keep you paranoid and have you look over your shoulder to make sure she isn’t plotting something really bad to cause you your downfall.
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kairiscorner · 10 months
Note
prompt #4
teen!gojo x oblivious!reader, cause i love me some flirty x oblivious trope cause they're so silly 😭
don't forget to take care of yourself btw!!!
🐨-
HI 🐨 ANON !! :D omg FR, I LOVE THAT????? HUHU I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS 🫶🫶🫶
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what kinds of feelings? — teen!satoru gojo x reader
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summary: you finally admit to gojo the weird sensations you've been feeling around him. you can't understand why you've been feeling this way, but gojo's glad one thing's clear: you feel the same way he does for you. word count: 888
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"my heart beats all the time, shouldn't be a big deal, but i can't help but notice how loud the beating is when you're around..." you muttered as you looked up at gojo, feeling a warmth in your cheeks as you sat down next to him under the shade of a tree by an empty street you two were stationed to monitor (though you were sure geto and shoko gave you guys the wrong location on purpose). gojo looked down at you when he heard those words escape your mouth and soon, a smile appeared on his lips, which opened and laughter came tumbling out of his mouth as he thought on what you just told him.
what was funnier to him was that not even you realized what you just said even meant, and that was, to gojo, the cutest thing ever. he leaned closer towards you, his cyan blue eyes bearing holes into your own as he smirked at you. "really now...?" he began as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, which made you whimper a little at the closeness between you two and the feeling of his hand on your shoulder. oh, there it was again, that beating... it was so obvious now, you felt like at any moment, your heart would burst out of your chest and land on gojo's lap. you didn't hate the feeling, though, you were just so confused as to why it beat that loudly, that rapidly.
"yes..." you murmured as gojo brushed his cheek against yours and stuck his tongue out at you playfully. "mmm, okay, okay, what else do you feel around me?" he asked you in a lower voice as he soon pressed his thigh against yours, which sent warm shivers down your spine. "i... um..." you stammered as gojo grabbed your cheeks gently and turned your head to look at him as he gave your cheeks a light squeeze. "c'mon now, no need to be shy... you were so bold in what you said earlier, care to indulge me in any more trivia about yourself when i'm near?" he teased you without you even realizing it as he slid his hand underneath your thigh and held you by your shoulders and the backs of your thighs.
you yelped at him suddenly carrying you like you were an infant and called out his name out of embarrassment. "satoru...!" you exclaimed with a flustered face and widened eyes as gojo laughed again at your sweet little reactions. he brought his face even closer to yours and nuzzled his nose against yours as he chuckled. "what's wroooooong? i'm not hurting you, am i?" he asked you as he got up and began to walk away with you like you were his spouse to be. you clung on to his uniform top, which made him whistle low at your nervousness. "how cute..." he cooed as he brushed his nose against your cheek.
"y'know... i get the same feeling, too, when you're around. it's not like anything i've ever experienced before, it's an even more fun kind of adrenaline, and best of all..." he trailed off as he brought you up closer to his face, his lips hovering over yours as you quivered and got even more flustered in the face, your eyelashes tickling his cheek a little as he smirked and began to speak again. "...only you can make me feel this way... i really, really love it..." he whispered as he leaned down even more to almost connect your lips together, that was, until shoko and geto saw you two after they were going to tell you two the mission was on the opposite side of town.
gojo chuckled as he let go of you, with you falling down to the pavement as he dropped you. "asshole!" you exclaimed as he walked around your figure as you got up on your feet, with shoko and geto aiding you up. shoko made sure you didn't have any lasting injuries as geto looked over at gojo and chuckled. "now, satoru, is that really how you'd treat the only person you love who genuinely loves you back?" geto asked him, which made gojo stop in his tracks for once.
he turned around and his neutral expression curved into a slight smile. he looked at you from underneath his dark blue tinted sunglasses and walked over to you with a smirk. "fine... i suppose i got a little too cocky and kinda threw you around, but c'mon, you still love me just like i love you, right?" he asked you as shoko and geto backed away from you two, giggling and murmuring to each other as your eyes widened yet again and your mind blanked as a heat caressed your face as gojo placed his hand on your jawline.
"such a goody two shoes cutie like you with a menace like me... oh, you are going to regret being mine, i'll show you all the right ways to be living, sweetheart." he said with a slight blush enveloping his cheeks as his grin widened and his touch became much more gentle, as if his apology was wrapped in that gentle touch of his. oh boy, to love an arrogant asshole like him is both a joy and a curse.
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bangtanfanfiction · 4 months
Text
hopelessly falling  → k. sunwoo (tbz)
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Based on this ask.
♢ Pairing: Sunwoo x Idol!female Reader → Idol AU
♢ Word count: 6.8k
♢ Trope: 8th f!member of BTS, strangers-to-lovers, Older!woman x Younger!man
♢ Genre: Fluff, suggestive, angst if you squint ig
⌲ Description: Being the 8th female member of BTS has brought you more trials than you could count. Now being the only one left behind after their enlistments was another obstacle you struggled adjusting to, until you found yourself hopelessly falling for someone completely unexpected. ↳ Warnings: Makeout session, swearing. Sunwoo being a flirty menace but we're loving it.
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HOBI: Good luck, Y/N! You’ll crush it like always! JIMIN: You’ll do great! JIN: We’ll be monitoring you :)) YOONGS: Don’t be nervous, you’ll be amazing, kiddo. JOONIE: Y/N fighting! JK: Fighting! TAE: Go, go, go Y/N!
Despite the relentless thumping of your heart, or the cold sweat building up on the surface of your skin - there was no hiding the loving smile pulling at your lips as you scrolled through the messages in the group chat bombarding the notifications without you having to even ask.
Your members knew you well enough at this point after more than ten years together that when you went radio silent on all platforms, it meant you were drowning in your nerves. 
Frankly, how couldn‘t you? You were the last of BTS to release your solo album, and only after all of them had enlisted into the military with you sending them off accompanied by a snotty nose each time. If you could, you probably would have enlisted as well despite being a woman just to not be alone until Seokjin or Hobi were to return. 
Ah…This was hard. You thought, dropping the phone back on the table and looking yourself in the mirror. 
Taking in your elaborate makeup and clothes, hair styled to perfection not a single speck of mascara or blush out of place. You were surrounded by people; your management team and stylists. People who had been with you for more than five years, but the loneliness had never felt more heavy than today.
You thought you had prepared yourself for it. Mentally that is. Your boys had also been exceptionally worried for your mental well-being for when it was time and made sure to give you all sorts of ways to communicate with them. 
The irony was that you actually enjoyed your own space. Being alone at home for days and doing nothing besides your usual workout routine was ideal, truly. 
Until you understood the saying ´You don't know what you have until it's gone.´ 
Clearly not as overly dramatic or depressing as the original meaning. But still, you felt their absence all the same. 
The only comfort you could find from this was Yoongi with his alternative enlistment and still being around for you to find comfort in after his working hours. 
But you hadn’t sought out his presence for a couple of weeks now, being too busy with your prep and wanting to let him get used to his new routine before barging in with your cries of loneliness. 
“Maybe I should get a boyfriend…” You muttered to yourself, catching the delighted attention of your main stylist unnie, Aera, whose eyes widened at those words.
“You want a boyfriend?” She straightened up as if finding a 50 percent off sale on designer goods, making you regret having spoken at all. “Ooo, do you want me to introduce you to someone? I can set up a blind date! You like them like ten years older, don’t you? All alpha male and stuff? I know a couple of men like that.”
Her ranting and frankly too-knowledgeable about your preferences made you heat up in slight exasperation. 
Okay, so what - you tended to gravitate towards buff, white men in their late thirties bordering on forties. Just because you might faint at the sight of Henry Cavill or Chris Evans hardly meant much for your real-life preferences. 
Ask Jimin. You dated him – a brief one year - and he was hardly a carbon copy of Captain America or The Witcher. 
“Unnie, I’ve already told you…”
Aera sighed before mimicking what you hardly believed sounded like yourself. “I know, I know. I’m not looking for anyone, it happens when it happens.”
It wasn’t the first time you’ve had this conversation with her. 
“Besides, why is everyone being so pushy about me finding someone?” You directed this question to the rest of the room, who laughed amongst themselves at the truth of it. 
“Because your last boyfriend was Jimin, and that is honestly sad, darling.” Your manager, Yoo-Mi, piped up from the corner while scrolling through her phone. Probably double checking your upcoming schedules and forward emails to the rest of the staff. She was always working despite you begging her to take it easy sometimes. 
Turning around in your chair, you frowned. “It’s only been three years.” Going into the fourth since your mutual breakup. 
“Exactly, sad.” She didn’t relent, making your shoulders slump, another titter of fond laughter spread through the room. “Listen, Jiminie is great, of course he is. So we don’t blame you for already reaching the top when it comes to standards in men. But when was the last time you had a crush?”
“A crush?” Even the word sounded foreign to you. 
“Henry Cavill does not count.”
“But that’s a crush!” You exclaimed. “I could pull him.”
“That’s not a crush, that’s a fantasy. You haven’t even met the man.”
“Rude…” You mumbled with a pout, though admitting defeat. 
Damn, so everyone thought your dating life was dry and depressing. Great. 
You knew they all meant well, acting like an overbearing family. And in the end, they just wanted you to be happy. 
“Y/N it’s time to head out.”
Standing up you took one last overview in the mirror before typing out a reply to the group chat.
Y/N: I'm off now! Love you!
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You had completely forgotten how music shows worked. It had been three years since the group promoted for ‘ON’ in the midst of covid with countless of measurements. You hadn’t stepped foot on a show since, besides supporting your members for their recent promotions. 
It had also been more than a year since you’ve done any performances within Korea, having only just returned from your American solo promotions - so for you, everything felt more awkward than familiar despite your years of experience in the industry. 
You heard the cheers of the crowd just as you walked into the studio where the live recording was going on for another boygroup, the hard-hitting smooth beats making your head nod as you stopped in front of a screen to overlook the stage. 
Staff moved around you, securing a mic-pack before your sparkling microphone with a gradient purple to black found itself in your hand. The fans were screaming and chanting, and you found your attention caught without realizing it. 
You counted ten guys on the screen as they danced fiercely in commendable synchronization looking like one single unit as they moved. 
The Boyz was a familiar group to you, an old memory from an award show where they had asked BTS for a picture with shy grins and you had nearly cooed at their cuteness. Then again when Kingdom: Legendary War had aired you found yourself tuning in to watch every week. 
However, this was the first you’ve seen of the group since then - having been far too busy to keep up with all the groups on the regular, never mind every single song. 
You were enjoying the song currently playing, head nodding to the beat as you watched on. 
Not even you noticed how you had simply frozen at the next chorus, your attention wholly stolen for a mere couple of seconds. 
But it had been enough to change your entire world when the moment was recounted by your team in the future. 
“Hi, hello,
My name is what you want it to
숨겨 왔던
욕망들을 whisper.”
Huh. 
A sneeze suddenly forced itself out of you as you glared at the culprit, Aera smiling pointedly while holding a makeup brush that she had just tickled under your nostrils. 
“What was that for?” You grumbled, the room coming back into your attention. 
“My, my Y/N - is that a blush I see?” She teased as you scoffed, eyes flickering to the stage as the song came to an end. 
“You’re being ridiculous.” You dismissed her swiftly, ignoring the hum she gave and letting her touch up your already flawless makeup.
You were waiting patiently near the stairs, letting your management team take the last checks for your setup as people rushed around on stage to clean up and get it ready for your performance.  
The Boyz were making their way down and were impressively quick to notice you, though you blamed it on your bright white clothes in the darkness. You watched in patient amusement as some of their eyes widened, and even saw a member slapping the one in front of him with a muted gasp. 
You offered them a friendly grin as their flustered bodies caught up and everyone started bowing, their waists nearly snapping in half as you took half a step forward. 
“Please, take it easy.” You laughed lightly. “I loved your performance. The song is amazing.”
The obvious leader stepped forward, again bending at the waist but spoke with a sure and calm voice. “Thank you, Sunbaenim. It’s an honor.” 
The members were quick to follow with various choruses of thank yous, however, some had accepted your words and took it a bit easier with the bowing.  
“We love your album, sunbaenim. It’s been on repeat in the dorm since its release.” He continued to lead the conversation, the group of young men creating a half circle around you. 
“Oh thank you so much!” There was no hint of any pretense in your tone, you were always immensely grateful when people told you they loved your music. 
“You’re the leader, right? What’s your name?” 
“Yes, I am. I’m Sangyeon.”
“Ah right!” Your fingers snapped in excitement. “I remember you, of course. From the MMA’s…was it 2018?”
Some of their eyes widened in surprise to know that you remembered them. You relished in it honestly, always loving to prove people wrong about the public’s assumption of how worldwide fame and recognition had made BTS arrogant and seemingly unapproachable. 
“Y-yes, that’s correct, thank you for remembering us.” 
“I enjoyed watching you on Kingdom.” You admitted, noticing how they were starting to relax around you, smiling more easily and paying attention as if you were the president holding a speech. “You were one of my favorite groups throughout the whole second season.”
Again they started bowing and thanking you, luckily less aggressive than earlier. 
“Y/N-sshi, we are ready for you in five minutes. Please make your way to the stage, thank you.” A voice announced through the speakers as The Boyz started to bow again and ushered away as you offered brief goodbyes. 
But then you made the mistake of looking up, finding yourself locked in a trance of soft, plump lips, thick eyebrows, puppy dog eyes, and a slim angular face - your throat felt parched as your mouth parted, but no sound came out and you snapped it back shut embarrassed. 
Kim Sunwoo noticed the sudden strange behavior, as a single brow rose but he remained polite with a simple tug of his lips and a slight bow. 
His dark straight hair was parted in the middle, reminding you of the styles from 90’s boybands. You admired the way his slim t-shirt molded against his lean body with the leather pants and a thick silver chain around his neck. A chain he had pulled seductively while gliding across the floor and stared into the camera.
An image still swimming in your mind. 
An appraisal that you were quick to scold yourself over as you felt yourself blushing even hotter, eyes snapping away only hoping he didn’t notice your weird actions. 
Only to find yourself stumbling over your own feet in a moment of rare clumsiness. 
You managed to save yourself the embarrassment of falling to the ground, but only with Sunwoo’s quick thinking. Who had smoothly stepped close and held out a hovering arm just in case you were to fall, his other gently around your bicep to keep your balance. 
Fuck, you were making a whole fool out of yourself.
No one had noticed it, thank goodness. All too busy with their tasks to pay attention to the interaction.
“Are you okay?” Jesus, his voice was deep. “Sunbaenim?” He hastily added, seemingly remembering your status. 
“I-I’m okay.” You even stuttered now. Since when did you ever stutter. “Sorry, and thank you.”
“You should watch where you’re going.” He offered a half smile, those lips looking even more ridiculously plump and soft close as you stared up at him. “Careful not to get hurt.”
At this point, you were sure he noticed your flustered state as you cleared your throat and took a small step back out of his grip. 
“I should get going.” Was all you managed to say in your embarrassed state, swiftly stepping past him to walk up the stage but not before glancing back and noticing the amused pull of his features as he quietly chuckled to himself and followed his members out.
Aera made her sudden presence known as you flinched at her proximity, only to feel your stomach drop at the near-manic grin on her face. 
“Now that, is a crush, my dear.”
You wanted to curl up into a ball and scream your frustrations out from that whole interaction, but could only brace yourself with a smile as you were faced with the crowd who cheered as you came into view. 
Dozens of ARMY bombs waving helped settle the worry in your gut just for now. 
Nicely done, Y/N. Worldwide icon, indeed huh. 
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You were still thinking about it as you exited the stage studio. 
So caught up in your lingering embarrassment and out-of-character behavior that even surprised yourself. 
Over what?! A pretty face? A voice that made your skin tingle just by the rasp of it?
“Fucking get a grip, Y/N…” You muttered, fingers massaging your temples as you returned to your dressing room. 
Only to walk straight into your next phase of what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you. Quite literally too. 
Sunwoo let out a low ‘Whoa’ as you gasped and stumbled back to fully avoid running him down in your haste to hide yourself away until the nominations live broadcast. 
The toilet sign hung above his head as he maneuvered both of you to the side and away from the doors.  
“Oh my-” You were practically bumbling fool as your hands moved in silent explanation without many words to follow up, but he understood you well enough with a small, charming grin making his eyes crinkle and nose scrunch up just the slightest. 
“Hello, sunbaenim.” He gave a polite nod of his head. “It’s one of those days, huh?”
“Yeah…” You sighed in defeat, hardly trying to keep up that big and mighty senior artist image any longer. “I’m sorry it’s been taken out on you today.”
Sunwoo never lost his smile. “Don’t worry about it. It’s hardly the worst thing that happened to me at music shows.”
You nodded thankfully, very much aware that you were avoiding looking at him directly. Just for your own sanity, if you were being transparent. 
“You can stop that, by the way…” My god, were you shy, right now?
“Stop what?”
You cleared your throat. “Calling me sunbaenim all the time. I’m not very fond of the stiff formalities, so you can just relax around me.”
“Ah…” Even though you weren’t looking at him, you could feel his thinking. “Then… would noona be alright?” 
Your neck might as well have cracked with how quickly you snapped up to stare at him with widened eyes. Only to meet a knowing smirk gracing his dangerously, pretty face.
“N-noona?” You repeated almost stupidly.
“And here I thought my breath smelled or something. You wouldn’t even look at me.” The smirk widened.
Calming yourself in record time, you were composed enough to retort with a halfhearted glare. “You’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”
“You are making it very easy.” Kim Sunwoo was a straightforward man, you realized. “I suppose I would be too if caught checking someone out.” Well fuck. 
Your first step was denial. “I wasn’t-”
“Don’t feel embarrassed about it. I know I’m good-looking, noona. Just didn’t realize it was to the point of losing gravity.”
If you weren’t quick on catching onto dry humor, you might have thought him deadly serious with how flat he spoke those words. But you were well versed with this sort. Yoongi being a perfect example of it. 
The exaggerated push you delivered against his shoulder came from a place of familiarity with your own members, and Sunwoo didn’t seem to mind the casualness of it as his facade broke and he laughed. 
Giggling along, you shook your head. “You’re good.”
“I know.”
However, your smile fell at his sudden wince and how swiftly he managed to play it off within a second. But you were a quick study and noticed how subtly he rolled his neck. 
“Are you hurting somewhere?” You were blunt in your concern, this time surprising him. 
“Ah…” He was considering lying, you knew that. Having done it many times before yourself. But Sunwoo brushed the moment off.  “It’s just a bit of muscle stiffness in my neck and shoulders, nothing too serious. Don’t worry about it.”
You scrutinized him for a couple of seconds before accepting it. “If you say so. But I wouldn’t be dancing as hard as you did today with that kind of pain. Be a little mindful at least and ease back.”
Sunwoo was appreciative of your advice, accepting it with a gracious nod and another, quite frankly, heart-palpating smile directed at you. You could probably just stand here and admire him for several minutes in silence if it was offered to you, but you had an image to maintain after all.
An image that fell through the moment Kim Sunwoo was involved. 
“Getting lost in my beauty again, are you?” His teasing was never-ending, but instead of annoying you it only managed to pull your smile even wider. 
“You are ridiculous.” Was all you managed to say with a chuckle. 
He bit into his lower lip thoughtfully before deciding against whatever mental war he was having. “Ridiculous enough to ask for your number?”
There it was again. Your dry throat, and the way your heart probably skipped a beat. 
“You…want my number?”
“I mean, who doesn’t want a BTS member’s number.” Sunwoo shrugged, that stupid fitted t-shirt and chain catching your attention again. 
So you quirked a brow at him, knowing something else was coming. “And that’s your goal? A BTS member’s number?”
“That would be cool.” He was being awfully truthful until his eyes locked onto your own. “But I would love having the number of a beautiful woman more. Perhaps with a date on the side?”
Your surprise at his bold confession was hardly hidden, mouth parting as you blinked up at him expecting a joke to follow. 
This wasn’t exactly the first time you’ve been asked out by someone, but it has always been a bigger or older senior until BTS blew up to the point other idols found it too intimidating to approach anymore. It was a love-hate relationship for you in those circumstances. 
Yet Kim Sunwoo managed to cross those unwritten boundaries without fear of outside consequences, his gaze firmly locked on your own without notice of anything going on around you standing by the toilets in a public hallway. 
“Are you sure you would want to risk that?” Those words tasted bitter on your tongue when all you wanted to do was say yes. 
But you weren’t a fool. Anyone getting involved with BTS would always get a spotlight of any kind shone on them, wanted or not. And you made sure to warn them of it. 
Sunwoo was not shaken by it. Only quirking up a brow as if saying so what. 
Your heart thumped even harder. So you held out a hand and he wordlessly put his phone in it as the clicking of your manicured nails swiftly typed in your number. 
You watched as he typed in whatever name he chose to give you in his contacts and pocketed the device again.
“I’ll be waiting for that date.” You smiled with satisfaction to see the top of his ears turning red, brushing past him.
So you weren’t the only one affected at least.
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UNKNOWN: What’s your favorite drink? Y/N: Who is this? UNKNOWN: I’m hurt, noona.  Y/N:  Ah Hello to you too, Sunwoo You changed Unknown’s name to Sunwoo. SUNWOO: Backtracking to the question. Y/N:  I’m a coffee addict SUNWOO: Ofc, the drink of life. Let me guess, iced americano? Y/N: I’m more of a sweet latte girl SUNWOO: A woman after my own heart. Y/N:  Alright you little flirt Care to explain? SUNWOO: I’m planning for our date ofc Y/N: Oh? Did I miss the location? SUNWOO: It’s a surprise Y/N: Should I be worried? SUNWOO: Why do you keep doubting me :(  Y/N: Acting cute won’t help you SUNWOO: heart emoji Y/N: But fine, better not disappoint me, Kim Sunwoo I got high standards after all ;) SUNWOO: I guess the pressure is on
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“Hi.”
“...hey.”
Your soft giggle on the other side of the phone made Sunwoo smile without realizing it. 
“Why are you breathless?”
“Ah…” He kicked away a stray pair of pants on the floor before sitting down on his bed, making sure the door was closed. “I ran to my room when you called. We just got back from the schedules.”
“You could have just called me back.” There was rustling on your end, and looking at the time he assumed you were just getting into bed. 
“I didn’t wanna leave you hanging.”
“Hm, what a gentleman.”
“For you? Always.”
You giggled again. A sound Sunwoo was certain he was becoming obsessed with hearing. 
“I tried seeing you today.” 
“Yeah.” He lowered his voice just in case any of his members were to hear him. “Me too. It was quite hectic today, I’m sorry.” 
“Don’t be. I know how it gets.”
“What did you do today?”
“Besides the music show? Just some interviews and a radio recording. I’m keeping my promotions at the bare minimum this time around.”
Stretching out on the bed, he couldn’t help but tease you. “Of course, the power of BTS.”
“Oh shush you.”
A silence settled between you. But it was a comfortable one, strangely enough. No awkward shuffling of clothes to have something to do, or the tense waiting for the other to speak. 
“I like this.” His voice was grating with how low he was trying to keep it. 
“...Like what?”
“This. Just talking to you, noona.”
Sunwoo could hear the smile in your voice. “I like this too. Very much so.”
It was hard to say how many hours the two of you spoke every night since that fateful day, but there were certainly no complaints on either end.
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“This is fucking ridiculous.” Roughly peeling off the cropped denim jacket, you would feel guilty about how you threw it in the corner later. Aera would understand, hopefully. 
The stupid conflict between HYBE and MBC was no industry secret. But you managed to convince your company to give them another chance by letting you promote there this time after several years of avoiding the place. 
And did you regret it. 
“Do they think they can take me for a fucking idiot because I’m solo?” You seethed, whirling to stare at Yoo-Mi. She had a displeased expression as well, already tapping on her phone furiously as mutters of annoyance spread through the rest of your management team. 
You had been on a tense tirade the entire morning with the MBC production team and director about how you wanted your performance to be captured. They were obviously not used to how much creative freedom you were usually privy to and fought you the entire way, with passive-aggressive suggestions going against what you wanted. 
They only kept messing up, from your mic glitching on stage to the sound being off in your in-ear despite your several attempts to fix it during rehearsals. So the final product ended up being a complete mess in your own opinion, finding faults in every single frame in the live broadcast, your voice not being clear enough, and backtracking far too loud to convince viewers you were singing live despite having more than enough proof throughout the ten years. 
The haters would have a field day with that. 
“-a complete mess today, I’m telling you!” Your manager’s voice was going on in the background. 
“I can’t do this right now.” With a pointed look a Yoo-Mi, she nodded in understanding as you walked out of the dressing room towards wherever there were fewer people. 
You found a random hallway, fairly empty with an empty cushioned bench away from the main area of dressing rooms. Slumping down with your back resting against the cold wall, you closed your eyes with a tired groan. 
It was moments like these where you craved the support of your members. If this were Namjoon, he would not have relented in getting this perfect, Yoongi and Hobi right by his sides with their penetrating gazes to make sure. Jimin and Tae would be by you in their comfort, whereas Jin and JK would make extra sure that things weren’t spiraling out of control by being the compromisers in the middle. 
You weren’t a pushover, far from it. But you weren’t one for confrontations unless absolutely necessary. Today could have gone several ways with much better results if not for the underlying conflict between business companies. 
You don’t know if you dozed off or were simply in your own world. But the sudden cold, damp surface of something on your forehead made you flinch up as your eyes connected with the concerned ones of Sunwoo. 
He held an iced coffee in hand, the same one he was pressing against your skin as you allowed yourself to relax. 
“Are you okay?”
Standing up, you instead ignored the question and wrapped your smaller hand around his own still holding on to the cup. “Is this for me?”
He nodded, lips peeling back into a small smile as you accepted it. “A caramel macchiato latte, extra espresso shot.”
You had only mentioned your preferred drink once, but he had it memorized already.
“Thank you.”
Leaning with a shoulder against the wall, hand in a pocket - the concerned glint in his eyes never went away. Wearing a similar fit to the one when you first met him, Sunwoo was still as handsome as ever. Instead of a t-shirt, he wore a fitting turtleneck, a cropped blazer that made him seem even broader, and those damn leather pants with silver accessories adorned his hands, ears, and neck.  
His slightly bronzer skin compared to others seemed to glow. A feature of him you would never be sick of admiring. 
“Are you going to keep staring at me in silence?” Your lips quirked up before taking a sip from the drink, the taste of it getting your mood up. 
“Not if you say what’s bothering you.”
“What makes you think there is?”
Sunwoo snorts. “I walked passed you earlier and you didn’t even notice.”
Glancing at the coffee in your hand. “And you went to get me coffee?”
“I thought you needed something to cheer you up.”
So you gave in. “Just creative differences with the director here. My manager is taking care of it.”
Sunwoo hummed in understanding. “But are you okay?”
His brows were furrowed, those lips you could never ignore pulled into the slightest pout. Swallowing your nerves you stepped even closer. Sunwoo straightened up at the proximity but not moving away. He waited for you. 
“Can I hug you?” Your whisper practically melted him as everything about him softened. 
“Of course.”
Without hesitation, you put the cup down on the bench before snaking your arms around his slim waist, face tucked into the hollow of his neck and shoulder, and breathed him in. 
The aroma of ground coffee beans and subtle vanilla, all wrapped up in notes of sweet fruits and blended spices of sandalwood and sage; a scent you would forever associate with him from this moment.
Sunwoo’s arms wrapped around you, hand gently stroking your back as you relished in the comfort he was providing. A feeling you had missed immensely. 
You were falling, and there was nothing to stop you from being completely consumed by the orbit that was Kim Sunwoo.
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Sunwoo was mesmerized. 
Quite frankly frozen to his spot in the dressing room, standing in the middle of the room, drink forgotten in hand as he stared at the screen where you were currently one of the last performers. 
Fair enough, he wasn’t exactly old, still young at the age of twenty-three, and being one of the youngest in his group he was often reminded of it. But he wasn’t ignorant. Especially not enough to ignore the fact he had fallen easily and quickly down the rabbit hole that was Y/N of BTS. 
Where everyone else saw the star quality encasing your every being, he managed to see past it. Your shyness that you often hid behind the pretense of a bold personality when faced with strangers. Sunwoo could see how you were struggling to be by yourself on stages where you used to be with seven others and had quite quickly used his presence as a comfort to chase your struggles away. 
And he had happily complied. It started with texting until he crossed that line by calling you one evening after a scheduled music show where neither had managed to talk, but craved to. 
After several of nights of calling each other, you surprised him one evening by turning on Facetime, sending his heart stuttering at the beautiful sight of you all barefaced in cozy pajamas under dim lighting as you settled yourself on a couch. 
Yet you still hadn’t found time to meet properly. The end-of-year season was always hectic with the amount of promotions and award shows that went on, especially for his group. Making that long-awaited date having to be put on pause. 
Sunwoo didn’t even expect you to attend after that fiasco of a recording earlier in the month until he woke up to a text this morning from you letting him know, with an unwritten hope to find some time to meet.
“Sunwoo’s in love.” A jest from one of his members snapped him out of the stupor as he simply rolled his eyes with a smirk, playing off the words even though they made him sweat. 
If only his members knew the truth. 
“She’s amazing.” Another compliment followed by several others as his members fell into a light discussion about you and your well-known ability to control a stage and make people pay attention by a single note of your voice. All that without the help of your members. 
Sunwoo felt like the clock was dragging by - his energy and hope diminishing with each minute while pretending he was okay around everyone. The award show was nearing its end, with you closing it before all performers would meet for the closing stage. 
He must have been one of the first members out the door when the call to gather was announced. His casual eagerness was enough to catch the curious attention of a few members, but he did the best he could to act his normal self. 
The stage was packed with the dozens of groups and performances that had joined for the event. Sunwoo made sure to stay close to his group, but he also couldn’t help the way his eyes kept searching for someone in particular. He had caught glimpses of you walking around the stage waving at fans, but also greeting artists who were eager to say hi. 
You were keeping close to your labelmates, TXT, laughing and smiling with them openly with an arm looped around Yeonjun’s like an older sister. Sunwoo would be lying if he didn’t feel jealous seeing you act so openly affectionate with them, but he reined in the green monster quickly. 
He barely managed to reign in his shock when squished amid the crowd as everyone tried to leave the stage and a familiar hand wrapped itself around his own with a quick squeeze before letting go again. Sunwoo saw your back as you walked away in front of him, still beside TXT. 
You never gave any indication it had happened besides the barest of glances over your shoulder. 
The next time Sunwoo managed to see you was by being dragged quite forcefully into a cleaning supply closet as the door closed behind him with a thump and lock turning.
He huffed out a laugh as you stood before him, a guilty grin painted on your lips. 
“Was that a bit too rough?”
“It was perfect.” Sunwoo continued to chuckle and finally took you in. 
The two of you were matching in black, his an assemble of leather and silver accents, whereas you were all sparkling sheer fabric with thigh-high stilettos and matching mini skirt. Jesus fuck. 
 His throat bobbed as his male mind caught up to what was happening: standing in a small-sized closet in dim lighting, with you only inches away from him dressed like actual sin. 
“Do you think they’ll notice?” You asked worried, gnawing on your lower lip. His gaze zeroed on the action. 
“My members definitely have, but they’ll think I probably ran off to the bathroom.”
“We won’t have long then.” The downturned vision of glossy lips made him lick his own, in anticipation or nerves, Sunwoo wasn’t sure. 
He could hear and feel everything now. The sound of your breaths, the rising of your chest, and the heat of your skin only a fingertip away from his touch. You must have caught on to the same desire because you finally looked at him - as in thoroughly looking, doing an appraisal of him from head to toe with a sly tilt to your head, eyes lingering on the cropped fabric of his shirt - lips pulling up into a smile. 
Someone was clearly not feeling shy anymore. He didn’t know if it was a good thing for him. 
“-can I kiss you, noona?” Sunwoo cut off any words you wanted to say. And you didn’t seem all that surprised. “I need to kiss you. actually.”
“Need to, huh?” You were clearly very amused by his words. “Then who am I to stop you?” 
Oh yeah. Definitely a dangerous turn for his sanity. 
“You’re such a tease.” Sunwoo couldn’t help but mutter as he hauled you against him firmly, cutting off your giggle with his lips which turned into a pleased sigh.
Your arms reached up to wrap around his neck, pressed up against each other down to your hips as you raked your nails through his scalp causing a shudder and a groan to leave him. 
Sunwoo kissed you enthusiastically but slowly, seemingly on a mission to memorize every single crevice in your mouth, those plumb lips feeling even softer on your own. He turned your bodies around, never separating from your mouth when he suddenly bent only to pick you up. 
You squeaked in surprise, pulling back momentarily only to be pushed even firmer against the door, your legs spreading to accommodate him between your thighs, your skirt scrunching up. 
That all melted away as you let out a soft moan as Sunwoo finally sucked on your tongue, humming against you with a smirk tugging in the corner of his mouth. He moved away, to the corner of your lips, behind your ear, and down to your neck - wet kisses and his tongue making you pant as your thighs squeezed around his hips. 
Your fingers that were already in his hair tightened their grip even further, holding him against you where he was kissing your neck with a breathless whine and Sunwoo only chuckled at your reaction. 
Honestly, you hadn’t expected him to pick you up just like that. But no part of you was certainly complaining by the turn of events. 
He was more than ready to go further, you noticed. And to be fair, so were you. So strung up with your nerves desperate to find release in any kind that you could have fucked him right in this closet. If it weren’t for the time and place. 
Manvouring Sunwoo’s face back up, you only got a glimpse of his flushed appearance, lidded eyes, and swollen lips before you kissed him again. This time much slower, trying your damn best to calm both of you down. 
Your feet found the ground again, Sunwoo leaning in over you with both hands cupping the back of your neck almost too gently, but a hold that you couldn’t help but rest into. 
It was a struggle to separate, he found out. Pulling back but always needing to dip back in for another kiss or peck. He did it so many times that you ended up laughing. 
“Fuck, I can’t seem to let you go,” Sunwoo murmured, thumb caressing your cheek softly as your eyes sparkled up at him. 
“It’s not the last time.” You assured him, leaning in to press your lips against his neck for a little teasing touch as you smirked in satisfaction feeling him shudder before nuzzling close. 
“I know…” He sighed heavily, obviously not wanting to leave, but the clock was ticking. And the more time they spent lost in each other’s arms would make everyone else around them more suspicious. 
So with a heavy heart and frankly, half a boner - Sunwoo pushed himself away so you could open the door. He took the lead, peeling it open slowly and looking both ways to see it was surprisingly sparse with only a couple of staff on the other end. 
You held onto his hand from behind him, sneaking out slowly as the door clicked shut. From there both of you rushed to where your dressing rooms were - you only being a few doors down from him. 
Just as the sign of The Boyz were in view, Yoo-Mi, your manager came out of your door and freezing both to the spot. 
Sunwoo cursed, body tensing beside you, but he was assured quickly to see the almost entertained smirk on the older woman’s face as she waltzed in their direction. 
“Unnie.” You greeted her sheepishly, never letting go of his hand. You actually moved closer as Sunwoo bowed in greeting. 
“Not a crush, huh?” That was all Yoo-Mi said before shaking her head and moving on. “I’m going toilet, be quick, we’re leaving soon.”
Then they were alone again. Slowly glancing at each other, Sunwoo bit down on his lip before snorting out a laugh with you following with a low laugh. 
“That went well.” He grinned. 
“We really have to go now,” You gave a pointed look at their intertwined hands. 
“Yeah…” His grin didn’t fall as his large hands gently gripped your hips and pulled you closer. You hardly had the power to resist him. “Goodbye kiss?”
“You will be the death of me, Kim Sunwoo.”
Sunwoo leaned down with a mischievous tilt to his mouth, lips brushing against yours as he spoke. “But you would love that, noona.”
Leaning up you sealed the kiss softly, hands resting on his chest only to flinch apart the very next second. 
“Yah Kim Sunw-!”
Q or Changmin stood in the open doorway with his mouth dropped open, only for the two of them to realize they had placed themselves directly in front of The Boyz’ dressing room.
Giving a complete view of both of them to everyone inside as heavy silence fell. 
Well. There went the secrecy.
“What…the hell?” 
Simultaneously taking in the jaw-dropped expressions of his members. You and Sunwoo couldn’t hold back your nearly manic cackles as you fell into him for support.
“Am I dreaming?” Someone wondered out loud in English. 
If this was a dream, then you would never want to wake up. 
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Thank you for reading!
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cobraz · 2 months
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the pink bows you wore. . . (WIP)
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a/n: this is a work in progress.. it's been a lil bit since i posted smt, and i can't really figure out an ending yet soooo lmk what u think.😭🙈
synopsis: after a fatal accident, the memories of your lover seemed to have faded.
cw: character-color-trope, angst/hurt w barely any comfort, fem reader, tighnari x readerrr, i've never written for him before so bare with me please🙏🏾
a/n pt2: TY TO MY MUTUALS WHO HELPED ME CHOOSE!! @mwahkazu & @sl-vega 🫶🏾
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TIGHNARI had never been so distraught as he sat at your hospital-bed side. His ears were dropped, his eyes a little puffy and red, it seemed like he'd just finished crying for the nth time this week.
as you laid there, all he was left with was his thoughts, and the occasional beep of the heart monitor; which seemed to ease his worries a tiny bit. at least he knows you're alive.
if someone were to ask him what happened, all he could say was "an accident."
"an accident?" he'd say to no one in particular when the interaction was done, and he was once again alone.
more like tragedy, he thought, face palming himself. even though it had been a week, he could remember the incident like it was yesterday.
"'nari!!" you exclaimed, waving at him from the top of the akademiya stairs. you were visiting because of an event for former students, and you decided to bring him as you plus one.
he greeted you with his usual smile, waving right back at you.
as you ran down the stairs to greet him officially, all you could hear was a "watch out!" before you were falling.
falling. it was all you could register before the world went black.
he couldn't stop thinking about it. you falling, and him not being able to run fast enough to catch you.
the wounds on your head were fatal, was one of the only things he remembered from the doctor's report about your condition.
he couldn't help but blame himself for them, even though it was his fault.
if i was faster, maybe i could've caught her, he thinks, feeling like he was going to cry again.
he then sighed, shaking his head. he knows you wouldn't want him thinking like that but he can't help it.
you looked so pretty up there with your sun-dress and pink bows tangled in your hair and around your outfit.
your smile was bright like the sun, you looked so happy till it happened.
the bows nestled ever-so-gently in his hand were the only things that gave him an ounce of hope.
hope that you'd wake up, and that you'd forget this thing even happened.
and he'd happily place them back in your hair.
but it seems that fate had other plans for him.
you groaned, opening your eyes, and slowly blinking to adjust to the dim hospital light.
you felt a slight pain in your head as you lifted your head up to see something—or rather someone on your bed.
who is this?, you thought, and decided to speak up. you coughed to get his attention.
"um, who are you?" your voice was hoarse, and some parts of the sentence came out a bit higher in tone than you liked it.
when the stranger looked up at you, he looked like he'd seen a ghost.
to your dismay, he didn't answer you question, and immediately rushed out the room.
you sat there and blinked, until the door opened again, and a person who you presumed was a doctor, and the stranger walked in again.
in the course of a few minutes you were bombarded with questions from the doctor, which you tried to answer to the best of your ability.
the stranger seemed to know most of the answers better than you. like "what's your name," birthday, etc.
it didn't bother you that much though, since your were supposedly waking up from a coma, and you didn't really feel like going the extra mile to recall details.
when the doctor finally finished their verbal analysis, they left the two of you alone.
"[name]! i can't believe you're-!" you cut him off as he engulfed you into a hug.
"uh," you started, stiffening at the sudden contact.
"i don't think you heard me but, who are you?" you finally asked, pulling away from the hug.
"what.." his voice barely above a whisper.
remember this is a WIP,, so abrupt ending for now🙈
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soobnny · 1 year
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24 hour stream — lhs.
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trope. established relationship. streamer!au
synopsis. you think it’s adorable how heeseung seems to be fighting his exhaustion in favor of being with you as you finish your twenty-four hour stream (1.1k words)
warnings. none
note. hello this is totally self indulgent but enjoy streamer!heeseung making an appearance again cos i miss writing streamer content >:( btw thank u to user notrenes i got inspired by that clip u sent of quarterjade and masayoshi i love them truly
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[4:27 AM]
The monitor of your computer is bright, reflecting rather harshly on your face as you fight to keep awake while entertaining chat. The room is much lonelier than it was hours ago – Winter and Ningning had dropped by earlier to join you for your stream, playing in real life games and taste testing hot wings on different scales of spicy. 
They left with Winter’s upset stomach grumbling and Ningning laughing as she escorted the pair of them back to their shared home. After they left, you decided to queue up some Valorant to shave some time off of your 24-hour goal. 
Currently, your clock is mockingly situated by your set-up, screaming the time and reminding you that you only have a few hours left until you’ve accomplished your 24-hour stream. You had long finished Valorant and were just talking to chat, searching for another game that you could play by yourself that’s still entertaining to the people viewing your stream.
To battle the exhaustion and tiredness in your system (with the hint of a headache you had briefly mentioned to chat), you decide that playing a horror game would be an appropriate choice. Chat’s been requesting you do a horror stream for a while, and you realize now might be a good time to do it.
You first hear it midgame, when you’ve paused to recover from the horrifying monster design that was chasing your character. Your head snaps towards the direction of your door, staring at it to see if you’ve heard right. Thinking that it was just part of the background soundtrack of the game, you turn back to your monitor.
The second time, it’s unmistakable. 
“I think someone’s knocking on my door, chat.”
As if to confirm your suspicions, the knocks come back and in goes Lee Heeseung, your bleary and half-asleep boyfriend who makes his way towards where you’re sat.
“Hi!” You greet him, surprised he was still awake at this hour. He had just done a long stream and finished only a few hours ago – you assumed he wouldn’t be awake until afternoon. Maybe something had woken him up? 
It doesn’t take long before Heeseung’s plaguing your monitor with his presence, breezing his lips across your forehead to press a soft kiss on your cold skin. Then, placing a careful hand on your shoulder, he hands you a newly refilled bottle of water and a pill. 
“Here, take some medicine.” Heeseung pays no mind to chat, pushing his hand in your direction and offering you a strict gaze before a warm smile follows. You take it from him confused, staring down at it before you look back at your boyfriend. “You came here just to give me medicine?” 
“You mentioned on-stream that your head was aching.”
“You were watching my stream?” Even after years of being in a relationship with Heeseung, he never failed to trigger your heart into a million cartwheels. 
Heeseung hums, eyelids starting to drop again and your heart warms at the sight of him trying to fight it. “Now drink up and get better, okay?” You nod your head, placing the medicine on your tongue before swallowing it down.
“Oh, it’s so cold.” You say in amusement when your hands make contact with the bottled water, immediately placing it down by your side after taking a few gulps. Then, your lips drop into a pout, holding onto his hand which he happily offers. “Babe, I’m so tired.” 
“Do you want coffee?” Heeseung offers thoughtfully, looking down at you and giving you every bit of his attention despite exhaustion chasing after him. 
“No, I don’t think so.”
“I can make you one. No?” 
You hum. “It’s okay.”
“Alright. Are you cold?” 
“Only a little.”
It seems your response triggers Heeseung to leave your room briefly (not without a kiss on the crown of your head) before coming back with one of his hoodies, wrapping you in its incredibly soft cloth. 
Your boyfriend’s sweet gestures don’t go unnoticed, causing an instant frenzy in your chat.
heeyn4ever: the way i cried
imgaylol: MUST BE NICE
breadlover: where’d my toaster go
gardenclub: my therapist cant help me but heeseung could
Trying not to disturb you and your stream any further, he gently pulls another chair from your room, dragging it towards where you’re seated before plopping down – just enough so he isn’t really seen on your stream.
“Hi chat.” Heeseung greets your chat respectfully, waving and blinking a few times to try and let their comments and responses sink in. “Sorry for stealing my girlfriend for a bit.” 
“You’re staying?”
“Figured you could use some company.”
You smile gratefully at him, feeling him lean his head against your shoulder, tired eyes fixed on the screen of your monitor and urging you to continue the game you had been playing earlier so he didn’t disturb chat. Your fingers rest on the controllers, pressing the necessary buttons to navigate through the map. One of Heeseung’s hands is cradling the back of your head, and every once in a while, he would brush the stubborn pieces of hair in front of your face and place a sweet kiss on the side of your head. 
His eyes open again after closing them briefly, leaning comfortably against your shoulder and following along your character in the game. You adore him, and you think he’s so adorable, and you can tell he’s extremely tired. You can tell because he keeps yawning, eyes disengaged from time to time as he goes over chat. 
Sensing your gaze, Heeseung slowly looks back at you. His lips twitch into a smile. He murmurs, voice heavy with fatigue. “Why’d you stop playing?”
“I can’t seem to get past this part.” 
“Here, let me help you.”
You pause to widen your smile. “Hee, you don’t have to. I know you’re tired. You should get to bed.” He stares at you, eyes droopy and warm as you speak. His pink lips form into a gentle pout at your words. 
“How many hours left til your stream ends?”
“Just 6 hours more.”
“I can handle 6 hours. I’ll just be quietly sitting here if you need anything.” Heeseung waves goodbye to chat before leaning down to press a soft kiss to your forehead as he moves away again.
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[10:00 AM] 
Your 24-hour stream ends, and as promised, Heeseung is seated by you. He endured the long hours to make sure he was there if you needed anything — food, water, or just his company as someone you can talk to so you wouldn’t fall asleep.
His ears perk up when you bid farewell to chat, and then he’s standing.
“Bye, chat.” His hand comes into your monitor’s view, waving politely. When you shut off your stream, Heeseung is quick to pick you up in his arms. “I finally have you to myself.” 
“Mhm, all yours again.”
“Never wanna share you with chat for 24 hours again. No more 24 hour streams.”
“Never wanna share you with chat for 24 hours again. No more 24 hour streams.” 
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zvaigzdelasas · 4 months
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China’s economy is currently on the operating table, hunched over by surgeons, chest cavity splayed open, hooked up to a cardiopulmonary machine, surrounded by nurses staring at monitors flashing vital signs. It all looks rather grim.
This surgery, however, is not an emergency bypass. That would be too easy. China has had many of those already – stimulus packages, grand infrastructure projects and many rounds of directed lending.
Every two decades or so, going all the way back to the founding of the PRC in 1949, the surgeons get ambitious. These guys are mad scientists attempting a comic book trope – to create the ultimate superhero.
They want to inject super serum, replace skeletal calcium with adamantium and dose the patient with gamma rays, giving China the powers of shazams out the wazoo.[...]
In the lamented “pre-reform” era, China’s mad scientists engineered spectacular growth by increasing investment from a prewar 6% of GDP to 20% in the first Five-Year Plan, covering 1952-1957. This led industrial output to register a compound annual growth rate.
The Great Leap Forward accelerated this growth to 66% in 1958 and 39% in 1959 before crashing and burning in 1961 when mismanagement of communal farms and “backyard blast furnaces” caught up with the mad scientists.
Course correction starting in 1962 recovered all lost ground by 1965. According to economist Cheng Chu-Yuan, China’s GDP growth averaged 11% between 1952 and 1966, the eve of the Cultural Revolution. (T. C. Liu of Cornell and K. C. Yeh of the Rand Corporation have a lower estimate: 8%.)
More importantly, China built a full kit of infrastructure, machinery and equipment capable of driving future industrialization.[...]
Many analysts have a tabula rasa understanding of China’s reform era, as if there had been no economy before Deng Xiaoping. In reality, China’s industrialization started right after the formation of the PRC with some of the fastest growth recorded in the 1950’s and 1960’s. Even during the “low growth” Cultural Revolution, resources directed towards public health (for example, barefoot doctors) and primary education doubled life expectancy and quadrupled adult literacy by 1980 from pre-PRC levels.
The mad scientists are now at it again. They have about twenty years of new data not just on China but from the rest of the world. When Zhu Rongji was head surgeon, history had ended and markets reigned supreme. This time around, the surgeons are correcting for market irrationality and negative externalities. The next twenty years is again being determined on the operating table.
Three years ago, the surgeons pried open China’s chest cavity with the three red lines credit limits, instantly seizing the speculation driven property sector. Since then, they ripped out unnecessary organs like education companies, clamped the Ant Financial artery and eviscerated the video game industry. All of this has caused spasms in vital signs from lackluster growth to rising youth unemployment. Wondering whether China will or will not stimulate the economy next quarter or next year is missing the forest from the trees. For the next few years, China’s economy will still be under the knife and whatever adjustments will merely be anesthesiologists and technicians nominally dialing the drugs up and down and adjusting the heart-lung machine to maintain vital signs.
What are these mad scientists trying to achieve? We believe President Xi Jinping’s 2020 target of doubling China’s GDP by 2035 stands. That is an average growth rate of 4.7% for 15 years. But beyond just a numerical target, it is important to figure out what superpowers China is trying to acquire. And just as importantly, what Kryptonite factors China is attempting to inoculate itself against.
China wants America’s Silicon Valley, but regulated; Japan’s car companies, but electrified; Germany’s Mittelstand, but scalable; and Korea’s chaebol conglomerates, but without political capture. It wants to lead the world in science and technology, but without cram schools. A thriving economy, but with common prosperity. Industry, without air pollution. Digital lifestyle, without gaming addiction. Material plenty, without hedonism. Modernity, without its ills. This is, of course, a wish-list and unrealistically ambitious. But these mad scientists sure as hell are going to try. They’ve developed a taste for it.
In college, early into the semester, we went through a ritual called course exchange. Students gathered in an auditorium to swap classes after sampling lectures for three weeks – satisfaction was not guaranteed. The strategy passed down to underclassmen applied to both course exchange and significant others: “Add before you drop.”
China is undergoing – but perhaps botching – the same process with a more party-esque slogan, “Establish the new before abolishing the old.”
The surgeons have been on a tear gutting the old. The big kahuna is, of course, the property sector. But right behind are platform monopolies, private education, financial services and video games. The new has been playing catch-up, with 5G equipment, electric vehicles, photovoltaics and wind turbines being leading examples.
From all appearances, the Industrial Party is in ascendance and China will double down on climbing the manufacturing value chain. The Industrial Party is a political identity that believes industry, science and technology should determine China’s future. Adherents believe that China’s strength lie in the technical skills of her population and thus favor hard-science, high-tech industries as opposed to services and business model innovations.
Therefore, Chinese politicians, whatever their predisposition, must find a way to create space for this next generation of scientists and technicians to develop themselves. They cannot be confined to a production line at a Foxconn plant. Maintaining social stability means finding a use for future scientists and technicians, which means pursuing industrialization. Is there any other way? The key variable for determining the course of China’s future development is thus the massive number of talented technical and scientific workers.
If mistakes were made, it would have been in sequencing and in faith – dropping before adding is a poor strategy in both love and course exchange. China’s mad scientists may have been too confident that electric vehicles and renewable energy would be followed quickly by semiconductors, pharmaceuticals and commercial aircraft.
Perhaps they have reason to be confident. Planning for this surgery has been in the works since 2015 with the Made in China 2025 project. China has been steadily eroding imports of high value added intermediary goods like batteries, precision parts and electrical components, flipping trade with South Korea from deficit to surplus.[...]
China never properly transitioned from its Soviet era Material Product System (MPS) of national accounts to the United Nation’s System of National Accounts (UNSNA) standard, leaving out much of services from reported GDP.
We calculate that China accounts for 22-24% of global GDP and 20-23% of global consumption. We also calculate that household consumption is 50-55% of China’s GDP, in line with global averages. China should easily be able to grow at 4.7% through 2035 with only a modest increase in consumption’s GDP share (5 percentage points over 10 years) without upsetting global economic balances.
In the reform period prior to Xi, everything was sacrificed at the altar of economic growth. In the new era, growth has been walked down from 9.6% in 2011 to an average of 4.7% in the Covid years (2020-2023) as an increasing litany of issues were given precedence. Debt however, soared over this time from 175% of GDP to over 300%. What exactly did all that debt buy?
When Xi assumed leadership of China, he declared that inequality could not be allowed to increase further. Inequality is perhaps the major Kryptonite factor of the American economy which China wasted no time in matching as the economy roared with market reforms.
While still problematic, inequality, as measured by the Gini coefficient, has steadily fallen since 2010 largely as a result of massive investment in urbanization, pushing people into cities and pushing cities up the tiering ladder.[...]
China also poured resources into stamping out last-mile poverty. While most poverty alleviation in China was through economic growth, recalcitrant extremely poverty could only be eradicated by concentrated marshaling of resources, from relocating entire villages to weekly visits by social workers.[...]
Since peaking in 2012, air pollution in Beijing has been cut by over 60%, with Shanghai falling over 50%. China, which used to dominate the list of most polluted cities, now only claims one spot in the top 20. None of this came cheap, from installing scrubbers in smoke stacks to increasing renewables to moving heavy industry to strict emissions regulations for cars.[...]
Before Hu Jintao handed the reins to Xi, Hu warned delegates to the 18th Party Congress in 2012 that “[corruption] could prove fatal to the party… and [cause] the fall of the state.” The popular opinion in the West is that Xi ended China’s highly successful reform era because of an ideological bent. This is off the mark. Xi was brought in to clean house as the wheels were coming off from excesses of the reform era.
Throughout Xi’s decade in office, there has been no letup in his anti-corruption campaign. In 2022, a record 638,000 officials were punished for corruption. While there haven’t been any large scale ideological appeals to the public, it’s a different story within the 98-million-member party.
During this time, free market capitalism and liberal democracies also faced their own existential tests. Success or failure going forward will depend on whether liberal institutions remain intact in the West and whether party discipline can be maintained in China. What the PRC has had since 1949 is a governing party with the political autonomy to play mad scientist. [...]
Of course we live in the real world, not a comic-book world. The question in the real world has always been whether the economy can be engineered by mad scientists from the top down or is it best left to the invisible hand of the market? [...]
The standard economic opinion – against all evidence – is that China was economically stagnant before Deng’s market reforms. The thinking on this for the American economys is undergoing a transformation in egghead land – just how has neoliberal economics benefitted the American people over the past few decades?
In a Q&A exchange at a conference in Malaysia, Eric Li, the barbed-tongued venture capitalist, was asked, “Do you think top-down directives are sustainable in the long run?” To which he replied, “It’s the only thing that’s sustainable.… That’s why America is failing today.” After World War II, Li said, the Americans “lost the ability to do top-down design.”
Dec 2023
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hungiehipo · 22 days
Text
My top 8 favorite Macdennis fanfiction
So I've officially run through all the macdennis fics available (if I'm being honest there ARE definitely some that I did not finish for various reasons such as high school AUs that felt a little weird to read in my mid twenties). It took 8 months. Probably will do as suggested and just start rereading. Something very comforting about reading the same plot run through over and over and over lol.
I do not claim to have amazing or superior taste, but these ones all stood out to me as being exceptionally unique, interesting, or well characterized out of the thousands of stories on A03.
Also if you want recs/want to give me recs my inbox is super open :) I crave to talk to the people
42,679 words- complete
Dennis lives groundhog day/is stuck in a time loop repeating the same day over and over.
73,131 words- Finished and has a part 2
Starts end of season 12/ Dennis' double life. Dennis turns into a vampire basically and its really good.
42,309 words- TRAGICALLY ABANDONED
2017 Mac and Dennis are sent through a time portal to 2005 where they meet their younger selves. Mac and young Dennis are separated from Dennis and young Mac. Something happens and Mac/ old Dennis are sent back to the future while Mac/young Dennis are stuck in the past. So good until abruptly ending with no resolution sadly.
27,325 words- COMPLETE!
Macs dad dies. Him and Dennis go on a road trip to Mexico to spread his ashes.
33,224 words- Complete!
Dennis gets a heart rate monitor watch and the gang tries to help him lower his blood pressure. Post season 16.
51,228 words- IN PROGRESS
This one is being actively updated but I love it so I included it. Dennis agrees to date Mac for one day to get it out of his system so he can finally move on.
12,609 words- Finished!
Heaters broken and they are forced to share a sleeping bag. Similar to only one bed trope but better!!!
63,955 words- NOT COMPLETE, supposedly not abandoned but also has not been updated in over a year.
Mac has amnesia back to when he was in the closet and Dennis pretends to be his husband when he wakes up.
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shownusgfayoooo · 7 months
Text
late nights + love songs
Pairing: Hongjoong x f!reader
Genre/Tropes: fluff, protective bf, caring gf
T/W: mentions of a stabbing in passing
Words: ~1.5k
my masterlist
Your heart was beating out of your chest as you creeped down the dark corridor. Surprises always set you on edge, and this one was really important. The heightened stakes only exacerbated your already jumpy nerves.
Your boyfriend Hongjoong had been going through a lot at work recently. He was so overworked that the stress of his life was bleeding into your every thought. It had been weeks since you had seen him, and even though you knew he barely had time to take care of himself, you couldn’t help but give in to the worry and pose a slight inconvenience onto his schedule by coming here tonight. You were just going to drop off food for him and make sure he got some rest, that was it! You wouldn’t distract him from his work and would leave as soon as you could make sure he was doing okay.
You carefully set the bags of food you were carrying on the floor outside of the door that marked your destination. You hoped to at least make it in the room without him noticing, and the odds were good because he was always so immersed in his work that he became dangerously oblivious to his surroundings.
You turned the knob slowly in your hands then pushed the door open, inch by inch. Coast was clear. He hadn’t so much as twitched, let alone turn around from his desk to see that someone was entering his studio.
You smiled at the sight of him. Being in the same room with the love of your life again put your soul at peace.
You tiptoed towards him, and before he could see your reflection mirrored in the dark window behind his monitors, you covered his eyes with your hands.
He jumped a little before laughing and covering your hands with his own. “Ya, who is it?”
You bent your head down to place a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll give you one guess.”
He laughed and turned his chair so that he was facing you. “Hm, Seonghwa?”
“Seonghwa better hope he hasn’t been kissing you like that, or I will need to have some words with him.” You finally took your hands away and crossed them over your chest in mock annoyance.
He laughed before leaning forward and wrapping his arms around your waist, his head resting on your chest. “Hi, baby.” He sounded so exhausted.
You wrapped one of your own around his shoulder while the other came up to card through his pretty blue hair. “Hi, my love.”
He sighed deeply and squeezed you tighter. “Everything is better when you’re here.”
Your heart squeezed up at how forthcoming he was being out of nowhere. Hongjoong loved deeply and showed it well, too, but he always got a little shy when he had to say something serious. He must have been really worn down if the first thing he was saying to you was this.
“I missed you. I just wanted to make sure you were doing ok. I wasn’t planning to interrupt you for long-”
He leaned back so quickly, you got startled. “No, don’t leave.”
“Joongie, it’s already 1 in the morning. I know you still have a lot to finish tonight, and I know you have to be up early, too. I will not come in the way of your already limited sleep. I just came by to get some food in you and to see you for a minute, I swear.”
He pouted at you before he turned to the computer to see the time. He blinked, surprised. “How is it already that late? Wait, how are you here?”
You twirled a piece of your hair and looked at the wall behind him, trying to think of a way to change the subject.
His hand caught the one in your hair, immediately recognizing your tell. “Y/N.”
Caught, you smiled at him sheepishly. “Ah, I took the bus.”
“The bus?! How many times have I told you not to take public transportation by yourself at night? You know it’s dangerous.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
“Don’t you ‘yeah yeah’ me. I’m serious. Did you see the news from literally two days ago? A woman was stab-”
Before he could really get going, you leaned forward and kissed him, partly to shut him up and partly because it had been too long, and you missed him too much.  
He responded immediately, and barring the first, it was the best kiss you two had ever shared. You held his face softly, and he pulled you down onto his lap.
You laughed at his antics and gave him another peck before leaning back to really look at him. Your thumb brushed at the dark circles beneath his eyes.
“How are you doing, love?”
“I’m okay. Just tired. I’m much better now that you’re here.”
You smiled at him. “I missed you.”
He kissed your forehead. “Not as much as I missed you.”
“Hm, I don’t know about that. I definitely missed you more,” you teased back.
He tugged on your hair. “Not possible.” You rolled your eyes in jest before he added, “In fact, I can prove it to you.”
You smirked at him, bemused. “Oh yeah, how’s that?”
He grinned mischievously and moved the chair to face the desk again. He started clicking away on his keyboard, minimizing the track he was working on before pulling up another MP3 file. You looked at him confused before he finally pressed the space bar and soft music started to fill the room. “You inspired this one,” he whispered. Out of the speakers crooned his beautiful voice, singing the most gentle and lovely lyrics you had ever heard. The next three minutes were the most profound of your life, as Hongjoong professed his love through the beautiful piece of music he had written for you, and you stared at him in awe.
As the song drew to a close, your unshed tears finally overflowed, and a look of nervousness flitted across his face. “Y/N, what’s wrong? Is it bad? Did you not like it?”
You laughed wetly before throwing yourself into his arms, your head tucked under his chin.
“That was the most beautiful song I have ever heard. In my whole life. I can’t even explain to you- like that’s obviously your best work, but beyond that- it’s.. it’s art.”
He rubbed your back. “I don’t know about all that, butt I’m glad you like it. I was a little nervous because I’ve never made anything like it before.”
You pulled back to look at him again. “Did it take a while? It must have been hard.”
He cocked his head at you with a soft smile playing at his lips. “Not at all. It was the easiest song I’ve ever done.”
You smiled back at him, and the moment could have stretched into forever, when you suddenly remembered your purpose for the visit. You gasped, sitting up straight in his lap. “Have you eaten today?”
It was his turn to be sheepish. “Kind of. Like hours ago.”
You frowned at him and went to retrieve the food you had left in the hallway. He closed his eyes at the smell of his favorite meal wafting through the room as you began to unpack. “Ah, you are too good to me, Y/N, I swear.”
“Just shut up and eat.” “Yes, ma’am.” Seeing him laugh was the most sweet privilege of your life.
You both ate in peace, the time spent quietly catching up on the past few weeks interspersed with lapses of comfortable silence. When you were done eating, your heart sank for having to leave him again. You were suddenly so sad at the thought that as you gathered your belongings, you didn’t notice Hongjoong doing the same and turning off all his devices.
When you turned to him, trying to keep your expression in check, you were surprised to see him packed up and ready to go, a beanie covering up his blue hair.
“Where are you going? I thought you still had work to finish.”
He grabbed the string of your bag off from your shoulder and put it on his instead. “I am taking my girlfriend home. I know I’m a pretty terrible boyfriend because I never get to see you, but I will definitely not let you go home alone at this time of night!”
You smiled at him, “You’re not a terrible boyfriend, Hongjoong, the exact opposite of that, yes. But honestly, there’s no need.”
He just rolled his eyes at you and pushed you gently towards the door.
You resisted, your back against his chest. “What about work? I don’t wanna get chewed out by your manager again for ‘being a distraction.’”
He wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you into the hallway, “Hey!”, before turning and locking the room. “It’s nothing that can’t wait till tomorrow, I promise.”
“If you’re sure.” You worried your lip.
“I’m sure. Let’s go home and get some sleep, darling.”
You sighed in relief at the thought. You hadn’t been sleeping well either without HongJoong there to hold you through the night. And honestly, sleep was more important for your boyfriend than a track that was probably three comebacks down the line.
You slipped your hand into his and didn’t let go the whole way home, and the whole night.
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cor-obscenum · 1 year
Text
Heartbeat tropes I just love 💓
🫀 A character expressing their love by letting their love interest feel / hear their heartbeat, or just know how fast their heart beats for them.
🫀 Cold stethoscope chestpieces. I know nowadays most steths have no-chill rims, but to me there's something oddly hot about a character shivering because the chestpiece feels cold against their skin.
🫀 After-sex ear-stething cuddles. Need to say more?
🫀 Vampires and other supernatural creatures being able to hear heartbeats without having their ears touch the chest.
🫀 A character who's hooked to a heart monitor having a racing heartbeat (excluding actual medical emergencies).
🫀 When one character feels / listens to another's heartbeat and comments on how fast it's beating or how nice it feels.
🫀 A character comforting an anxious or sad friend / love interest by letting them listen to their heartbeat.
🫀 Syncing heartbeats.
Would you add more?
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