#hell he even say some depressing thing like well i do admit i needed help but i don't have many people aside feom REI who i don't wanna

[vlovann]

Hazbin Boss: A Theory ⚠️ SPOILERS for “Full Moon” And “Apology Tour”!!!⚠️

I’m super curious if this is gonna end up with a crossover to Hazbin Hotel at some point.

First

I think Blitzø and I.M.P are going one of two ways.

1. After a week or so of Blitzø not having energy to do anything, I.M.P will crash for a while because…while he has everything he needs to make his business even more successful, it’s not even worth it because in the end since the visitation of him and Stolas is what kept it together. With his new revelations, he’ll refuse to use it out of guilt for using Stolas. If there’s no hope for them, there’s no hope for anything else. They’ll all need to get different jobs. Honestly, I can see Blitzø working at a fast food joint as a bitter employee or being a job hopper because he can’t find anything that really sparks him like, y’know, his own business. Maybe he’d lose everything and him and Loona would have no choice but to move in with Moxxie and Millie (to their own dismay), causing a kind of roommate sitcom dynamic. Despite their help and attempts to comfort, this is the lowest Blitzø has been in his life. They can’t help him. He’s entered his darkest depression.

He just stays glued to his phone on the couch until he sees a reminder of Stolas, has a mental breakdown, and then watches TV to distract himself.

OR

2. It’ll go the corporate route, partially (entirely) out of post-it’s complicated spite and a manic episode, Blitz DOES use the gem to boost his business. They’ll move out of that business complex and into a shiny new building. They’ll recruit more employees to receive bounties with a whole system, more hitmen, etc. Everything is changing for the “good of the company”, but really, it’s all a distraction from how Blitzø really feels. Like something is missing. Like Stolas is missing.

They have a grand reopening party and the OG crew watches Blitzø interacting with a bunch of other prospects and investors and realize it’s not that close knit family anymore. They don’t have anymore say on how things operate and they’ve become subordinates (I hate that word). He’d be pushing them away, maybe even to the point of resigning as well. This would nearly send Blitzø past the point of return. Having the same results as #1.

BUT THEN

They seem to be inching towards the same premise of forgiveness that makes up the basis of Hazbin Hotel. Maybe Blitzø will try therapy. But all of them in hell are too fucked up, so he uses his gauntlet to go to earth in disguise, see how fucked the US healthcare system is, making a bigger hitlist than ever before.

It splits again here. Either he’ll try one therapist for like two weeks and think he knows more than the therapist like people who can’t admit when they’re wrong seem to think.

OR

he’ll try a bunch of different therapists, none of them fit whether they talk too much or too little, give him homework, send him to a mental health institution where he promptly breaks out…when he finds a $ex therapist who has pride stuff everywhere, is LGBT and Kink affirming, asks him his pronouns, etc. (He did NOT know this was a thing). It goes well and he actually notices small changes.

BUUUTTTT just as things started going well, something happens to the gauntlet and he can’t get to the mortal realm.

Sometime after is when he sees Charlie’s commercial on the TV for the Hotel and finds his way to get help.

I ran out of hypothetical juice. I’ll repost if I come up with something, but I need FOOD.

[disruptivevoib]

Long Ramble about CCCC and my overall feelings on what the album means and such

Something I find important about CCCC is like.

The fact that all three of them are, in some way, trying.

Heart is emotion, he is prone to himself and being reactionary, in the moment. Prone to the past of learned behavior and trauma. Reactive and rapidly changing. He isn't going to make pure sense because he isn't based in logic or in societal ideals or views. He is an instinctual response to the environment and circumstances. His manipulation is not intentional. He has very little control of himself in the end. Its why Mind talks about claiming to relish entropy yet clearly needing help. But, Heart in earnest wants them to be okay and safe. He believes that Mind's control will drain the life from them. It will make things monotonous and the same. Too much order.

Mind in turn, believes Heart is manipulative with intention. He wants to control Soul or wants to just drag them all down with him into this depressive state. Mind is logic, he is the reasoning out of your emotional instinct. Your inner critique, and when unchecked, that inner critique goes from a guiding hand for your emotion to one that debates and bullies it. Invalidating its responses. Ultimately, though. Mind just believes he is helping. He is doing what must be done and telling the "hard truths" to Heart. And that Heart is being the petty child. Which- I mean. Sort of sure. But Mind is definitely fucking petty and childish. He's stubborn! Prideful! So ofc he is. Admitting you're wrong? No.. why would he EVER do that.. nuh uh.

Which is what makes Light so crucial. Mind asking Heart for help- but also. There is Soul.

Who while ambiguous in purpose, is mostly that background voice. Your inner narration. If Mind is Logic and Reason then Heart is Emotion and Instinct,, Soul is all that lives between it. And he is constantly silenced or spoken over or around. He does not get a word in edgewise until TSE. He may show up in the background occasionally but as much as Heart and Mind claim to want to keep him alive and help him, they also fail to actually acknowledge what he says.

Which is that they both are right and wrong. That this fighting is doing directly what they both feared it would. Soul is desperate by the end. He is angry and resentful because.. well. Self hatred due to intense self awareness and reflection is rather ig. Common. Im not a professional here but from personal experience, you get so tired of rehashing the same shit with yourself over and over. It all feels pointless.

The only out, by the end of it all to Soul is that if they cannot be Whole, whats the point? He is desperate. He does not want to die but he feels theres no other solution.

And. About Whole, Soul throughout the album seems to want that. At the beginning, to be Whole or Harmonious is to be mentally healthy, maybe even "normal" by society's standards. To be able to put a mask over your problems and be, again, "normal". It takes the entire album for Soul to realize that this:

1. isnt possible

And

2. There isn't anything evil or wrong with him for that.

Mental health is a struggle. But you are not evil and should not be othered because you struggle. You also do not need to be fixed for being a little different and people's opinion of you is not what matters most so long as you are happy (and not hurting others. Lol).

Thats what Two Wuv is entirely about as a song. Its a "fuck you. Fuck this! I thought I needed to be this! But I DON'T. Stop telling me who I am! How to be! I'm gonna be me!"

His entire arc is parallel to Heart and Mind's and is crucial in the culmination of becoming yourself again and accepting yourself.

But, as mental health will always be, this period of respite and self acceptance is not always forever. And as life continues or as you lapse back into a depressive episode.. you cannot help but forget what it is like when you're not this way- and hell! Vice versa too! Some people have this disconnect between the periods. Where the things from the depressive state seem dramatic or obtuse to you while you are doing better. And from the other end, you just want to be happy again.. but you get so lost in it all you can struggle to feel like you've ever been happy.

The album is about the human experience. It is about self-sabotage, mental illness, self-hatred and reflection and it is, maybe more importantly about self-acceptance and healing. Having a bit of mercy on yourself. Accepting that you are imperfect and that this is okay. And whatever flaws you may have that need to be mended or worked on, can be. And that who you are, for example, if you are queer, is okay. And no one has the right to take that identity from you! That the internalized ideas of how someone should be are not always correct or right. Not for you, at least. Stuff like that.

[alientee]

Please more helluva boss with a chubby reader!!! Idec who, the last 2 were just too good!!!

I know you said helluva boss but I kinda wanna give Lucifer a try if that’s ok I hope you like it because it’s fluffy🤣.

Let’s say you met him because he needed company and had to play it off as though he just wanted someone to work for him. So why not hire a maid to keep his castle clean. When he first saw you, instantly hired! He couldn’t say no to someone as adorable as you. Lucifer loves how plump you are. He won’t admit it but he thinks your more cuter than his ducks. You catch him staring at you he goes back to work pretending to be making new ducks.

He lets you wear whatever you want but then he gets you diffrent maid outfits. Overtime the maid outfits become a little more shorter each time he gets you one. “Oh it’s too short? sorry hahaha……yeaaaa….can you keep it on please” you raise an eyebrow “why?” He literally gives you a pay raise to keep the outfit and not ask questions.

He has you clean up in high places so he can look at your thighs. He’s not that big of a pervert to look up your skirt but seeing your thick soft thighs made his day a whole lot better. Once you get used to him and see a man that’s too depressed for his own good, you shower him with affection. He also can’t help but lean into your touch. (The man is touch starved) He’d blush heavily when you made him lunch or made him rest. He feels like he has a wife all over again.

He lays on your lap all the time, to the point where he doesn’t sleep in his bed anymore. If he can’t lay on your thighs or tummy he can’t sleep good. He’s childish enough to motor boat your stomach if you tell him you need to get up. Will make the cutest awkward squeaking noises when you pull him to your chest. “You seem uncomfortable do I make you nervous your majesty?” He will admit to no one that his face was hurting with how red it got after you said that.

He gifts you cute ducks made to look like your favorite characters all the time. Likes buying you duck underwear, pajamas, socks. (The man loves ducks ok) He’ll buy you things like a tooth brush and body washes even house shoes. It’s his little way of asking you with not really asking you to spend the night. “You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable with it! I just thought you’d enjoy a game night with some good company maybe some pancakes in the morning you know FRIEND stuff like that and I-“ you kiss his forehead “I’d love to sir” later in the night you hear him yelling “take that depression!” But you don’t mention it.

And of course you indulge in your king. You both are mainly baking together, watching comedy movies, or he flys you around hell taking you to diffrent rings taking you to the real lulu world . You try to get away from all the ducks telling him they can listen but won’t answer and it’s not healthy to imagine them answering. He pouts but listens regardless. His relationship with Charlie has even gotten better with your advice. (She loves you by the way)

You get Lucifer to open up more, and in return he gets more bold. Gripping your hips, kissing you all over. He try’s to smack your ass a few times but ends up leaving a mark because he doesn’t know his own strength. “I’m so sorry! It’s been so long!” But you tell him not to worry because you liked being marked by him. And he becomes a flustered shy mess all over again.

He has an obsession with squeezing you. When he hugs you, he squeezes your love handles. He squeezes your cheeks (face 😏) , your thighs it doesn’t matter as soon as he gets his hands on you he’s squeezing. You try to tell him you’re not one of his ducks and he gives you that shit eating smirk.

And if Lucifer took off his wedding ring, well nobody dare mention it.

His nicknames for you are: Duckie, sweetie, apple pie

[reallydumbdannyphantomaus]

The Apocalypse Club

(ao3) (art 1) (art 2)

Valerie, Kwan, and Paulina find out Danny's biggest secret while Amity Park is invaded by a strange new ghost. Now, all four of them have to work together to save the day. ...If they can stop fighting each other first.

Hey!!! this is my @invisobang piece for 2023!!!! it hits in at about 15k words and i got to work with @minnowmarsh and @trolithfoxyflint for the amazing art that comes with it! now you crazy kids have fun reading :D

----------------

“How,” Valerie said when she could talk again.

Danny shrugged and looked away. His face was tinted green, though whether from nausea or the swirling portal on the wall of the lab, she couldn’t say. Kwan didn’t look much better, ashen gray, hair sticking up in all directions from how much he’d been pulling it. Paulina’s eyes hadn’t left Danny’s face since…

Well, since.

“Is that the most important question right now?” he said, rummaging in the desk.

Yes, she wanted to scream. But it wasn’t, and she knew it wasn’t, just as much as she knew that he was avoiding the question.

But she was a professional. She’d worked with… Danny… before. She could put aside her personal feelings until they were safe.

“What’s the plan?”

“We need allies,” he said, still not looking at her. “The only place left to find them is the ghost zone.”

“What?” Paulina said. “You want us to—to go in there?”

“What about our families?” Kwan said.

“Isn’t it super dangerous in there?”

“Look, your families’ best chance is if we get help. And you don’t have to come with me, but I think it’s more dangerous to sit here and wait.”

Valerie rolled her eyes. How was she ever friends with these two? Here they were, whining about danger, when they were missing the most obvious issue with this plan. “Where are we going to get allies in the ghost zone? The whole thing’s just full of ghosts!”

Maybe it was a trick of the light, but for a moment his eyes flashed acid green. Her hand snapped to the ectogun on her hip. “You’ve worked with ghosts before, Val.”

“No, I’ve worked with you before, and who the hell knows what you are.”

The words spilled out her mouth like poison, acid. She didn’t know if she meant them or not, but she did notice his full body flinch.

(She filed away the sore spot for future reference.)

“Jesus, Val,” Kwan said, running his hand through his already messed up hair.

She looked away. “Sorry.”

“Look, I have allies in the ghost zone. Even some enemies who, push comes to shove, will help me out if only so they get to kill me themselves. I’ve never seen or heard of this ghost before, okay? If it’s this powerful, and I’ve never heard of it, that’s a really, really bad sign. We need all the help we can get and we can’t afford to be picky about where it comes from.”

Valerie stared harder at the wall. Her skin crawled at the thought of making nice with ghosts. “Easy for you to say.”

“I’m working with all of you, aren’t I?”

Valerie’s eyes snap to meet Paulina’s, then Kwan’s. She’d forgotten, somehow, that Paulina and Kwan (and she, once upon a time) had always treated him and his friends like garbage. She’d forgotten that for all that Phantom was her enemy, she’d once used his cousin (or whatever that relationship actually was, who the hell knows anymore) as bait to capture and torture him.

“Fine,” she said. Deliberately, she dropped her hand from her gun. “So how are we doing this?”

--

The ghost zone was a lot… greener than Paulina expected. It made sense, in retrospect: green was the color of ectoplasm after all, but in her head she always imagined it to have more of a Sam Manson aesthetic. Black. Maybe some purple. But deep and dark and depressing.

(Last time she saw Sam Manson, Manson’s eyes were totally black and she was clawing at Paulina’s face, spittle flying from her mouth. Not a totally unexpected reaction, she had to admit, but there was no intent or reason, just pure feral violence.)

“So,” she said, “where exactly are we going?”

“The Far Frozen,” Fenton said, hands white-knuckled on the steering. “I have friends there.”

“It, uh, sounds cold,” Kwan said. “I didn’t bring my jacket.” More like a swarm of zombie-football players had tried to drag him down by his collar and he’d only escaped by letting his letterman jacket slide off.

“Frostbite’ll have coats.”

“And what is Frostbite?” That was Valerie, still glaring at Fenton like he’d pissed in her Cheerios. Paulina really didn’t understand what her issue was. Sure, Paulina was shocked to find out that Fenton was her beloved ghost boy, but she was more awkward than angry. Valerie seemed to take the whole situation personally.

“He’s a yeti.”

“A yeti? A dead yeti?” Paulina crossed her arms. “Are you telling me that yetis are real?”

“Look, not all ghosts were once alive. Sometimes, they’re the ghosts of beliefs or ideals or stories. Things we used to think about and believe in. Pandora’s here, too, along with a lot of pantheons, but they won’t tell me if they were ever alive.” Fenton’s lips curled up in a little smile and his face softened. “I’ve been trying to weasel it out of them for months.”

They lapsed into another brief silence before Fenton spoke again.

“Look, if you have any other questions… now might be the best time. It’ll be a bit before we get to the Far Frozen, and I don’t know if we’ll have any time after that.”

Paulina had a million questions, but she couldn’t think of one she wanted to ask right now. How? Why? When? That could all wait until after the day was saved. Her nerves were still twitching and she dug her fingers into her wrist to stabilize, remember the now and not two hours ago, watching Star, black-eyed and snarling with one arm bent out of shape, leap for her throat. She said nothing.

“Are we… just gonna stay in the For Frozen?” Kwan said. “Like, while you save the world?”

“Far Frozen, and yeah. That was the plan.”

“I’m not staying in some frozen wasteland so you and your ghost buddies can fuck up saving the world.”

Paulina couldn’t help staring at Valerie. What the hell was she talking about? Phantom—Fenton—Danny had saved the world plenty of times before.

“I was talking about Kwan and Paulina, Val. I know you’d never stay out of it.”

Valerie curled her lip. “Just so we’re clear. I have to keep an eye on you, anyway.”

“What is your deal, girl?” Paulina said. “If you two are our best shot at saving the world, being pissy at each other isn’t going to help.”

“Stay out of it!”

“The world is ending! We don’t have time for you to be stubborn.”

Kwan shrank back at their raised voices. “Uh, I don’t think this is a good time to fight, either.”

“Of course you don’t. Since when do you ever think for yourself?”

“Hey!”

“Shut up! Just be quiet, all of you. Jesus.” Danny turned around to glare at them, his eyes flashing green. “Valerie and I have worked together before even though she hated me. We can do it again.”

Paulina wasn’t so sure about him using “hate” in the past tense there, but Valerie was nodding.

“I can put my personal feelings aside to save the world, and fuck you for thinking anything different. But then, I guess you never thought much of me, did you?”

“What are you—”

“Seriously? You have to ask?”

Paulina bit her lip. When Valerie’s dad lost his job, Valerie lost everything. Including her friends. Like Paulina. No, she thought after a moment, I suppose I don’t.

Danny groaned from the front. “I changed my mind. No more questions. Let’s just… be quiet.”

Paulina had to agree.

--

The Far Frozen was, in fact, cold.

Kwan shivered in just his black t-shirt, but truthfully, his letterman jacket would’ve only helped so much. This was a bitter cold, a deep-winter cold that took three blankets, a hot chocolate, and fuzzy socks to banish.

Kwan really hated the cold.

“Great One!” the yeti in front of them said, arms (one of flesh and fur, the other of ice and bone) spread wide like he was offering a hug. Was it some kind of yeti cultural thing?

Fenton jumped up and embraced the creature. Apparently, it was just an offer of a hug.

“What brings you to my domain?” the yeti said once he put Fenton down. “And with such strange company as well!”

Fenton rubbed the back of his neck. “We need your help, Frostbite.”

Kwan’s teeth started to chatter. Valerie and Paulina’s arms were dotted with gooseflesh, alongside his own. How was Fenton not fucking freezing?

“Can we have this conversation inside?” Paulina said, rubbing her arms.

“W-w-w-with jackets?” Kwan’s chattering teeth brought out a stutter. Embarrassing. “Ma-y-be a f-fire?”

“Of course!” the yeti said. “Your fragile human bodies require excess warmth to survive. Please, follow me.”

The yeti, who introduced himself as Frostbite, led them to a cave where they were each presented with a delightfully warm coat, almost thick enough to banish the cold from Kwan’s bones.

(Almost.)

Valerie spent the whole trek glaring at Frostbite like she expected him to turn around and start biting the second she took her eyes off of him. She kept one hand on her blaster the whole time. Kwan couldn’t imagine going through life with that kind of paranoia. It must be exhausting.

The cave itself was almost cozy. It was decorated, had furniture and artwork and books like it was someone’s office. With a jolt, Kwan realized that it was an office. Frostbite’s, most likely. On the wall, there was a portrait of Phantom (Fenton?) standing victorious. What the fuck.

“What’s with the whole ‘Great One’ thing, by the way?” Kwan said.

“It is demonstrative of our unending love and gratitude for the Great One, who saved us all from subjugation at the hands of the villainous Pariah Dark!”

Valerie snorted. “‘Villainous.’ Like you’re not.”

Frostbite tilted his head in confusion. Kwan hated to admit it, but it was kind of adorable. “I am unsure what your meaning is. I assure you that we denizens of the Far Frozen have no villainous aims with any friend of the Great One.”

“I’m not gullible enough to believe you.”

Frostbite opened his mouth to reply again, but Fenton cut him off.

“Just ignore her, Frostbite. You’re not going to change her mind and we don’t have time to argue. A new ghost is attacking Amity Park, and we need your help.”

--

It all happened so fast.

All four of them escaped by sheer luck. Kwan managed to dodge the football team and hide in the bleachers next to Paulina, who’d nearly been bitten by Star and Sam in the bathroom. Valerie put on the Red Huntress suit as soon as she realized what was happening, giving her some protection against the spreading infection. And Danny?

Well, Danny could fly.

Danny stumbled upon the other three by chance, checking through the school for anyone who’d managed to avoid the plague, though he didn’t have much hope. He’d found Kwan, Paulina, and Valerie—two useless people and one who absolutely hated him.

Still, he couldn’t leave them there, unprotected. He grabbed Paulina and Valerie hoisted Kwan on her hoverboard and they’d raced to FentonWorks.

He’d intended to stay in ghost form the whole time, but he hadn’t realized that the infected were still capable of reason, at least on some level. That their attacks weren’t mindless. That his mom could hit him with an ectogun that would short out his powers, however temporarily.

And now three new people know who he is.

Three new people who he can’t trust in the slightest.

(What if they tell people? His parents? The school? The Guys in White?)

But he can’t worry about that, because the world is ending.

“I see,” Frostbite said after Danny had explained the situation. “This is… worrisome. If it escaped—”

“It? Frostbite, do you know what this is?”

“Mm. It sounds like Pestilence.”

Danny frowned. “Like… pesto?”

Paulina scoffed and whacked Danny on the head. “No, idiot. Pestilence. Like disease and stuff.”

“Yes. Considered by certain branches of Christianity to be one of the four Horsemen that herald the apocalypse.”

“One of four? You mean there’s three other horse-guys?”

“Indeed. The belief in this specific end of days has largely died out in the modern day, so the Horsemen became ghosts. However, they were so dangerous, so suddenly, that we ghosts banded together three hundred years ago to seal them away. If one of them is out…”

“...then the others might be out, too.” Danny rubbed at his forehead. “This gets better and better. What are the other three?”

“War, Famine, and Death,” Paulina said, counting them off on her fingers. Valerie raised an eyebrow at her. “What? Everyone knows that.”

“You are correct, Delicate One.”

“Um, my name’s Paulina.”

“None of those sound good.” Kwan scratched his head. “Also, why is Death separate? Don’t War and Famine and Pestilence all kill people? Does Death extra kill people or something?”

Frostbite shrugged. “How should I know? I’m already dead.”

“Can you be dead if you were never alive?”

“In any event,” Frostbite said, “your best chance is to put Pestilence back before any of the others break free.”

“And how are we supposed to do that, ghost? We barely escaped in the first place!”

Valerie had a point: they knew what they were fighting, now, but it didn’t solve the problem of we can’t beat this guy. Danny rubbed his temples. Maybe if he could get Skulker to work with them, Skulker would help convince the rest of the Ghost Zone and they might actually have a shot.

“Your best chance is finding the Panacea.”

Danny scrunched his eyebrows. “The what?”

“Panacea is, like, a mythical elixir thing that can heal any disease.” Danny, Kwan, and Valerie stared at Paulina, who was tapping on her phone. She looked up at them and rolled her eyes. “What? Everyone knows that.”

“Okay, so where’s this Panaderia at?” Valerie said.

“Patience, Suspicious One. Allow me to explain.”

“What the hell did you just call me?”

“The Panacea is hidden in the far reaches of the Ghost Zone, near Pariah’s Keep.” Frostbite pulled out the Infi-Map from his desk and rolled it out on the desk. “Legend tells that Pariah wanted it for himself, but could never get through its protections.”

“Protections? Like—ghosts and shit?”

“Not quite. The story goes that there are three trials one must overcome to obtain the Panacea. The first is a trial of courage. The second is a trial of compassion. And the third is a trial of truth.”

Valerie threw her hands up in the air. “What the hell does any of that mean?”

“The legend does not specify.”

“Of course,” Paulina said, “because when the world’s at stake, you want as much ambiguity as possible.”

“Quite.”

Courage, compassion, and truth. Well, Danny was decently brave. He spent half his time fighting ghosts, at least, and protecting people. It had to count for something. Compassion… he could probably work on that part, but he did care about people. That’s why he protected them. Truth?

That was a little stickier.

He lied, all the time. It was for a good reason, but he wasn’t sure the trials would see it that way. Maybe he would just have to tell the truth in the moment? Ugh, this whole thing was so complicated.

Maybe Valerie would do better at the truth thing. Though, she also had a secret identity. Whatever. They’d figure it out.

Lost in his thoughts, Danny didn’t notice Valerie approaching him until her hand wrapped around his arm and she pulled him away.

“Woah, what are you—” Danny squeezed his eyes shut as he was yanked back into the bright light of the outside. The snow sparkled in the glow that permeated the Ghost Zone almost like sunlight, but half as warm.

“If you and I are going to do this, we should have a plan.”

“A plan for what? We don’t even know what these trials will look like.”

Valerie’s hand tightened around his bicep. “So you just want to fly in blind? Hide behind me and let me figure it out so you can swoop in and ‘save the day’ or some bullshit?”

“That is not remotely what I—”

“Save it! You’ve been lying to me this whole time. For years. And I—I actually thought that you cared about me, which is the really stupid part.”

“I do care about you, Val.” Danny reached for her arm and she flinched back. He sighed and stared at the ground.

“No, you don’t. You can’t. Ghosts don’t care about anything or anyone. You just like the attention. You like the praise. You may have everyone else fooled but I see what you are. No more tricks, Phantom.”

Danny choked out a laugh. “And you wonder why I lied to you.”

Valerie sneered. “No, actually. It all makes perfect sense, ghost.”

His eyes stung, which was stupid. They really didn’t have time for him to go cry in a corner because Valerie didn’t like him. But his feelings didn’t care about the facts, and tears pricked at the corners of his eyes.

“Whatever,” he said, and he tried to ignore how his voice cracked. “Let’s just get through this.”

“Yeah,” Valerie said. “Let’s get through this and then never talk to each other again.”

He’d really thought he could talk to her, if she ever found out. He’d really thought he could convince her. That hurt the most, he realized: he’d always known she’d be mad, but after what happened with Dani, there should’ve been room for them to be friends as Valerie and Danny and as Red Huntress and Phantom.

He was the stupid one, it turned out.

“Okay. If that’s what you want.”

Valerie turned away. “It is what I want.”

“Okay.”

They fell into awkward silence.

“So—”

Distant screaming cut Danny off.

Somewhere along the way, wires had gotten crossed in Danny’s brain. Screams of terror and pain were usually a sign that people should stay away. If some did get closer, it was usually out of curiosity and panic would take over once that curiosity was sated. Danny, of course, ran straight for the danger every time.

So he wasn’t surprised, exactly, when one of the yetis, eyes dripping black, lunged for him. He’d run into enough fights that ducking out of the way of her claws was second nature. Beside him, Valerie blasted the infected yeti away. Of course. Valerie was just like him: she ran into danger.

“We need to get out of here!” She fired again at another yeti, snarling in the snow.

Danny reached for the electric cold in his chest, but it was still weak and flickering from the gun his mom had used. He was powerless.

“Danny!” Before he could blink, something slammed into him and he was speeding away from the yetis on Valerie’s jetboard.

“Wait—Wait!” Struggling to stand on a fast, open-air vehicle, he pulled himself up using Valerie’s shoulder and she shot him a withering glare. “We can’t just leave them there!”

“Us getting infected doesn’t help anyone, and you trying to play hero to get on my good side won’t work anyway.”

“I’m not—” The jetboard tilted to avoid a leaping yeti. “Why won’t you listen—”

“I did listen to you! And you lied. So I’m done with that.”

Valerie angled down to the cave entrance where Kwan, Paulina, and Frostbite were and jerked to a stop. Danny couldn’t stop his momentum and tumbled off onto the floor of the cave, landing at Paulina’s feet.

“Um, hi?” Paulina said.

“We have a problem,” Valerie said.

--

Apparently the “problem” was a horde of zombie yetis right on Valerie and Danny’s tail. Paulina thought “problem” was underselling it a bit.

One black-eyed yeti burst through the opening, only for Frostbite to slam his flesh arm into it, knocking it into another oncoming yeti. He then hit a panel on the wall and sealed the cave shut. Panting, he lumbered over to Danny, green goo staining his pristine white fur, grabbed the map-thing off the desk, and thrust it into Danny’s arms.

“Great One and friends, you must take the Infi-Map and find the Panacea.” The yeti looked down at the goo (his blood?) and groaned in pain. “I fear I shall soon turn as well.”

“Frostbite…” Danny said, reaching out one hand like he wanted to comfort him. And wasn’t it weird, to think of a ghost needing comfort?

“Great One, you do not have time to worry about me. Help me by bringing back the Panacea and saving us all. You must go now, before I lose my rationality and attack you as well.”

Danny squeezed his eyes like he was staving off tears. “Okay. I—okay. I’m sorry.”

Paulina felt bad for the dork (hero), really, but they so didn’t have time for this. She latched onto his arm and yanked him away from Frostbite, who was starting to snarl. “Thank you, Mr. Frostbite,” she said. “Now let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“Everybody hang on,” Danny said, opening the map. Paulina tightened her grip as Valerie and Kwan grabbed on. “Take us to the Panacea.”

Frostbite jumped at them, teeth bared, and the map whisked them away in a green light. Paulina wasn’t sure what she’d expected, but this was not it. The sudden acceleration stole a scream from her throat, and the rush of air brought tears to her eyes. The last thing she saw was Frostbite’s icy arm, outstretched, and then she could see nothing but motion.

There was nothing to do but hang on for dear life, then all of a sudden they were standing again, in a cavernous hall. Paulina wobbled on her feet, then vomited.

A hand rubbed at her back, and she turned to see Kwan, awkward half-smile on his face. “You okay?”

The hall was massive and crumbling, stone pillars in pieces. A mosaic pattern tiled the floor, and she looked up to see a perfect reflection in the roof, except for a couple of holes where the swirling Ghost Zone peeked through.

“I’m fine,” she said. “Except for, you know.”

“Everything?”

“Yeah, that.” She bent over and spat a couple times, trying to get the taste out of her mouth. She’d lost her water bottle sometime in the multiple life threatening situations they’d been in in the past 4 or so hours, so saliva was her best option. “We weren’t supposed to be here. We were supposed to just sit there in that frozen wasteland and be safe. I can’t do this, Kwan.”

“But you have to, now,” Valerie said. Her voice was firm, but not unkind. “We’re all here, and there’s no half-assing this like you half-ass school, alright?”

“Excuse you?”

“We both know you could do just fine in school if you tried, Polly! You’re smart, girl. And we need smart on this mission, not smart trying to be stupid.”

Paulina stared for just a moment, then laughed. “Girl, that was the most backhanded compliment I’ve ever heard.”

Valerie rolled her eyes, but the corners of her mouth twitched like she was trying not to smile. “At least it was a compliment.”

“Setting our bar real low here, huh?”

“Paulina, when my dad lost his job, you all dumped me as soon as you heard. I lost everything, and then I lost all my friends. You’re damn lucky I’m not just cussing you out.”

The words were almost humorous, but there was a bite to Valerie’s tone now. Paulina couldn’t blame her.

“Listen, I wanted to say—”

“Guys!” Danny's voice echoed through the chamber. “I found something!”

Paulina swore as Valerie and Kwan both ran over to where Danny stood in front of a massive double door.

“Is that—”

“Yeah,” Danny said. “I think it’s the entrance. The trials are probably through here.”

“So,” Kwan said, pushing on the giant stone doors, “how do we—”

As he spoke, the doors lit up and slowly, slowly, rumbled open.

“Huh,” Kwan said.

It was dark inside. The glow of the Ghost Zone seemed to come to a complete halt, swallowed by whatever was beyond the threshold.

Paulina didn’t like it.

“Let’s all go through together,” Danny said.

Paulina nodded, grabbing Danny and Kwan. She couldn’t speak, her mouth suddenly dry. Why was she here? She wasn’t ready for something like this. She couldn’t save the world! Oh god, she needed to get out of here—

As one, they stepped through the door.

--

Kwan blinked.

“What?”

It was the Casper High cafeteria, except the Casper High cafeteria should be overrun with Pestilence’s zombies right now. But there was Dash and Paulina and Star (wasn’t Paulina back—where—what—what… day was it? Tuesday? Right, right. They had an essay due in Lancer’s class. Of course. Kwan had stayed up all night writing about… writing about…)

“Dude!” Dash said, waving Kwan over. “You ready to pummel Brantford tonight?” The last part of his sentence became a shout, directed at the whole cafeteria. Students applauded. Dash stood with one leg on his seat and one on the table, a true showman. Over in the corner, Danny Fenton, Sam Manson, and Tucker Foley rolled their eyes. Dash threw his milk carton and beaned Fenton (Danny?) in the head. Milk splashed down his head.

Something twisted in Kwan’s gut.

Dash let out a roar and ripped off his shirt, tearing it in half. The cafeteria screamed in approval.

Kwan grinned up at Dash. For all his flaws, Kwan loved this guy.

(black, black blood dripping from his mouth and eyes, Dash snarling, reaching for Kwan—)

Kwan jerked back and tore his eyes away. Dash didn’t notice as his best friend looked for the exit. Kwan’s heart pounded. It wasn’t real. Not real. Just a bad dream. Or was this…?

In the background, Valerie (his friend? not his friend? no, no, they’d dropped her because she’d lost everything, right? but no, no that was cruel, too cruel even for Dash and Paulina, that couldn’t be right) was sneaking out the door just as Danny Fenton gasped and rushed in the same direction.

Something wasn’t right.

“Hey dude,” Kwan said, “I gotta run to the bathroom.”

Dash didn’t acknowledge him. He was leading the cafeteria in the Casper High fight song.

Kwan ran after Valerie and Fenton (Danny), bursting through the cafeteria doors just in time to see them turn the corner. “Wait!” he said, sprinting toward their shadows. Rounding the corner, he saw the Red Huntress and Danny Phantom (Valerie and Fenton—Danny, Danny, it’s Danny, Danny wants to be called his name, remember that he has to remember that—it was Valerie and Danny behind the heroes, he knew that, though he wasn’t sure how he knew) fighting a ghost.

It was massive and ugly, all claws and teeth and glowing fur. Kwan couldn’t see any eyes, but he’d learned after years of dealing with ghosts that that didn’t necessarily mean that it couldn’t see. It had six legs and two jaws that opened in concert to let out an earsplitting screech.

Glowing green spittle flew out of its unholy maw and landed on Kwan’s letterman jacket. Gross.

The ghost slammed Danny into a locker with one leg and used another to pin Valerie to the ground. It lowered its face to Valerie’s, ready to take a taste.

“Hey!” Kwan said, throwing the first thing he could grab—his phone—at the ghost. It bounced harmlessly off its head, but startled the ghost enough that Valerie was able to slip out of its hold and Danny was able to knock it down. A flash of light from Danny’s thermos, and the ghost was gone.

“Are you okay?” Kwan said. Valerie’s suit retracted and Danny transformed back into Fenton. Both of them were bruised, Danny cradling his ribs, but they were upright.

“We’re fine,” Valerie said with a glare.

“Hey,” Kwan said, holding up his hands in surrender. “I’m just trying to help.”

“Yeah, right.” Danny snorted and looked away. Kwan could still see milk in his hair.

Kwan frowned. “Look, I know it wasn’t much, but I’m just a guy! I did what I could!”

“Yeah, you did. Probably saved our lives with that phone.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“You only care because we’re heroes!” Valerie got in his face so he could clearly see the bruise lining her cheek. “You wouldn’t care if we were hurt because your bestie decided he wanted a punching bag. Helping the Red Huntress and Danny Phantom isn’t a risk to you. It makes you a hero! You’re so cool for helping to save the day. But you’d never help Valerie and Danny because what if someone saw ?”

“That’s not…”

“Face it, Kwan. You’re a coward. Always will be.”

Then they were gone, and Kwan was alone in the middle of a destroyed hallway.

--

“Kwan,” Dash said, “we need you to be on your a-game for this. They’ve got a real beast on their D-line, and you’re the only one with a chance of keeping him off me. I don’t wanna spend the whole game with my ass on the grass, so I’m counting on you, okay?”

Kwan blinked. They were huddled on the field, in full pads. Dash was giving the pre-game directions. It was gametime. Wasn’t it lunchtime? Or… was he… what?

“Kwan!”

“Uh, yeah! Yes. I’ve got it. Big guy, coming right at me. Yep.”

Was he going crazy? Something was wrong. Something other than what Valerie and Danny had said to him.

(And it was wrong, it had to be. He wasn’t a coward. He faced scary stuff all the time—a hazard of living in Amity Park. He couldn’t be a coward.)

The nameless d-lineman stared him down, eyes black as pitch behind the grill of his helmet. Kwan took a deep breath as he lined up against him. He could do this. This was easy. He was made for this.

A flash of green in his peripheral vision caught his attention. He turned his head just as Dash hiked the ball, and his mark blew right past him, laying Dash on the ground while Kwan stood, dumbly staring at the green he knew had to signal another ghost attack.

“Kwan!” Dash ignored the hand offered by one of the other offensive linemen. “What the hell, dude?”

Kwan jerked back. “What?” He took in the scene: Dash, with a clump of grass stuck in his helmet and dirt on his jersey. The ball, being moved backward by the referee. His teammates, glaring at him. “Oh. Oh, sorry. Just—I think there’s a ghost over there?” He pointed at the green light.

“So?” Dash said. “There’s always a ghost. Leave it for Huntress or Phantom to deal with. We’ve got a game!”

“Yeah. Yeah!” Danny and Valerie could totally handle it. They were heroes. It’s what they did. And football was what Kwan did. Division of labor and all that stuff.

And the thing is that Kwan was really good at football. He was the best left tackle in the state, easy. His coach said he could be the next Tony Boselli—though, hopefully without the injuries. With his mind on the game, no one got even close to Dash before he’d thrown the ball.

The forest glowed again. Kwan ignored it. There were eight minutes left on the clock for the second quarter.

A piercing scream floated over the field. Kwan turned to see Valerie, in her Red Huntress gear, slam into the ground head-first before being dragged back into the woods like a limp puppet.

“Oh shit.” This was bad. Valerie was hurt, bad. She wasn’t half-ghost like Danny. She was just a person. She needed medical care, and fast.

Could Kwan help?

Should Kwan help?

Kwan shook his head. Head injuries were no joke; he’d heard it from Coach often enough. Valerie needed help, and she needed it now. There was no time to wait for someone else to realize the problem.

He turned to leave the field.

“What the hell are you doing?” Dash said, catching his arm just as he reached the sideline.

“She’s hurt,” Kwan said. “She needs help.”

“We have a fucking game to play.” Dash’s fingers curled in the grill of Kwan’s helmet and jerking him around so their helmets clacked together. This close, Kwan could see the faint line of Dash’s eyelashes, the bright blue of his eyes. He thought about apologizing. He thought about kissing him.

How long had he been in love with his best friend? More importantly, how long had he let his best friend be an asshole because he loved him?

“I’m an idiot,” Kwan said.

“You don’t hear me arguing! Now get back on the damn field.”

“No.” Kwan almost continued, almost listed everything wrong with Dash, all the times he’d put everyone else around him down, all the people he’d hurt, how he’d hurt Kwan, even, but Dash would never, ever hear him. He knew that now. “I’m outta here,” he said instead, ripping off his helmet and sprinting toward where he’d last seen Valerie and Danny.

The world vanished.

Kwan blinked, and he was back in the chamber, staring at Valerie, Danny, and Paulina. “A test of courage…” he said to himself. 

It was just like the room they first came into: a little more together, more whole, but otherwise almost identical. Across the room was another massive set of double doors. He turned around and saw the door, the first chamber beyond it. He’d barely stepped inside. It couldn’t have been more than a second or two.

“Yeah,” Valerie said with an eye roll, “that’s what we’ve been say—”

Kwan cut her off by sweeping her up in a hug.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry that I never stuck up for you. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I was too scared to help you even when I knew it was wrong.”

Valerie froze, stiff in his arms. “What?”

“You were right, this whole time. I was a coward and a jerk and I’m sorry.”

Kwan could feel Danny and Paulina’s eyes on him, but for right now, all his focus was on Valerie.

“What the hell are you—”

“I was a really terrible friend to you. We all were. You were hurting and we all made it worse.”

Valerie pulled back. “You’re serious. This… you mean this.”

“Yeah. I mean it more than anything I’ve ever said to you before.

“You—do you think I’ll forgive you? Just like that?”

Kwan let her go. “No. You always could hold a grudge.” He looked her in the eye. “I still needed to say it.”

Valerie nodded, a rough jerk of her head. “Okay. Just so we’re clear. Not forgiven.” She looked off-balance and confused. It figured, since Kwan had very much just dropped this on her with no warning. Whatever vision he’d received, it seemed like it was limited to him and only him.

“That’s okay. Let me know if it changes?”

Valerie stared at him for a long moment, brow furrowed, before it smoothed and one corner of her lips curled in a smile. “Whatever.”

Kwan grinned. “I’ll get there.”

Paulina coughed. “Uh, not to break up a tender moment, but can we save it for after we get the magic potion?”

“Unfortunately, Paulina’s right,” Danny said. “Not that this isn’t great, but we need to figure out the test of courage. We’re running out of time.”

Kwan was pretty sure he’d already seen it, but he didn’t even know where to begin with explaining. Instead, he said, “Danny! You, too! I was also a jerk to you, when you didn’t deserve it and I knew you didn’t deserve it. I’m so sorry about that. I wanted to be liked but I—”

“Woah woah woah,” Danny said. “I… appreciate it, but we really don’t have the time right now, dude.”

“No. No, see, this is exactly the time. I think this is my test, okay? Well, some of it. Part two, or whatever. Part one was this weird vision thing that I had to go through like some kinda fucked up dream. And I think part two is—well, bringing it into the real world.” Obviously, he couldn’t bring the ghost attack and the football game into this real world, but realizing he was wrong? Taking responsibility?

He could do that.

“How is apologizing to us a test of courage?” Danny said, head tilted in confusion.

“I was scared of… something really fucking dumb, now that I think about it. And I hurt people because of it.” Kwan glanced at Paulina, who was looking anywhere but his face. “I’m not going to let it control me anymore. And I’m sorry that I ever did.”

Silence for a moment, like the room was holding its breath, then the entire chamber began to shake. The doors at the end of the room swung open and revealed another pitch black unknown beyond them.

“Wait. That was it?” Paulina said. “You’re telling me the Ghost King couldn’t get through these trials, but Kwan did it by saying I’m sorry?”

“Woo!” Kwan said, pumping his fists in the air. Take that, Mr. Lancer’s final exam. Who was going to achieve nothing in life now? Not Kwan, he passed the Trial of Courage. Official and capitalized. Helping to save the world and all that shit.

“Well, let’s not look this particular gift horse in the mouth. Are we all ready for the next chamber?” Danny said.

Paulina coughed. “Hang on, does anyone have a breath mint? My mouth still tastes nasty.”

“Oh, yeah.” Kwan fished in his pocket and held out a stick of gum.

“Thanks.”

“Ooh, can I have some?” Danny said.

“Sure, dude!” He grabbed three more sticks of gum, handed on to Danny, who grinned, stuck one in his mouth, and held out the last one for Valerie. “Val? You want in on this?”

Valerie stared at the gum like she thought it might bite her. “Yeah,” she said after a moment. She took the gum with her thumb and forefinger, delicately. “Yeah, okay. Thank you.” She cleared her throat. “Let’s get a move on.”

As they headed for the inky blackness at the far end of the room, Kwan felt something grab his arm. He whirled around to see Danny, hand curled around Kwan’s elbow.

“Thank you,” Danny said, “for, y’know.”

“The gum?”

“No. Well, yes, but that’s not—I meant for apologizing.”

“Oh. Oh! Yeah. Honestly, should have done it forever ago. Just kept coming up with excuses, y’know?” Kwan laughed. “An apology was really the bare minimum.”

Danny let go of his arm and started walking again. “You’d be surprised. I can’t remember the last time anyone apologized for hurting me.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep.”

“Dude, that’s messed—”

They crossed the threshold.

--

Paulina was much more confident going into the next chamber. These trials were easy! If all Kwan had to do was apologize, then compassion was probably something like saving a kitten and truth was something like—well, she was less sure about that one. Maybe just telling a secret? Or something?

Except—something was different. Last time, they’d walked in and immediately the chamber had brightened. Kwan apparently had some weird vision as part of his trial, of course, but none of that happened.

Instead, it was still pitch black, and she could no longer feel Valerie’s arm where she’d latched on, or Kwan’s hand. “Guys?” she said, and her voice was swallowed by the void. “Hello?”

“—see her haircut?—”

“—the look on his—”

“—honestly thought I liked her!”

Paulina’s voice, first a whisper, then louder and louder until she couldn’t hear her own thoughts. Her laughter, shrill and piercing, reverberated through the space. She pressed her hands over her ears, but it did nothing to block out the noise. Her head started to pound and hot tears leaked out of her eyes.

“Stop it! Stop it, stop it, stop it!” She was sure she yelled the words, but she still couldn’t hear over her own laughter.

“Why? Why should I stop?”

“It hurts. It hurts!”

“Aw, but that’s never stopped you before!”

It was so loud. A sudden, sharp pain in her ear and she could feel warm liquid on the hand covering it.

“Please! Please! I’ll do anything!”

Suddenly, silence. Paulina fell to the floor with relief. She pulled her hands away from her head; the right one was wet and smelled of metal. Liquid dripped from her ear—had it started to bleed?

“Anything?”

“Yes! Yes, please!”

“Entertain me!”

“I—what?”

In front of her, stark against the black of the room, Valerie appeared, then Danny, then Mikey, then Sam Manson, then Tucker Foley, more and more and more of her classmates, standing and blinking in confusion at her.

But she was with Valerie and—or was she? But Manson was definitely not—this couldn’t be real. Was this real? She stared at her hand. Was she real?

“Paulina?” Valerie said. She sounded like she was underwater. The black of the room turned into a hallway. Casper High. It was—Friday. There was a football game she had to cheer for. She needed total focus for that. If only the stupid voice would leave her alone.

“I said entertain me!”

“What the hell does that mean?”

Valerie stared at her. “It’s your name, girl. Are you okay?”

“Make jokes! Like you always do. I gave you your material and everything!”

Material? Paulina looked at the crowd, and realized that all of them were… well, losers. The voice just wanted her to make fun of them?

Nothing she hadn’t done before.

“I’m better than you, apparently,” Paulina said, ignoring the pit in her stomach. “What were you thinking with that outfit?” It was a dumb, dumb comment. Low effort. It was just—in that moment, Paulina couldn’t think of anything to mock. Nothing about Valerie seemed worth jeering at.

Valerie looked down at her—admittedly, fine—shirt and frowned. “Jesus. What is your prob—your ear’s bleeding!”

Sure enough, pus and blood painted the palm of Paulina’s hand, and she could still feel something rolling down her neck.

(“Still”? When did this happen?)

“We need to get you to the nurse’s office,” Manson said, crouching down beside her. Why was Paulina on the floor?

“Oh,” she said. Manson offered her a hand up, and she took it. “Thank you. Sorry, Valerie. Your shirt’s fine.”

A piercing screech, metal on metal, filled the air. Paulina doubled over, hands back over her ears.

“That wasn’t funny, Polly!”

She could feel hands on her arms, but her eyes were squeezed shut and she could hear nothing but the voice and its (her) hideous laughter.

“You just want me to be mean!”

“Duh! Mean is funny, right?”

Paulina opened her eyes just enough to see Valerie, Manson, Foley, and Danny in front of her, concern in the lines of their faces. Danny’s mouth was moving.

“Look! It’s the little tech weirdo. He names all his phones. Like, unironically.” Foley stood up and directed other students away. Danny moved past her to do the same on the other side of the hallway. “Or the ghost kid. His parents were already freaks, and now he’s an extra special kind of freak. Easy money.”

“Please. Please just stop.”

“Entertain me, and I will. Tit-for-tat, babe.”

Paulina felt a sob jump out of her throat. Why wasn’t she just doing it? It hurt so bad. She’d do anything for it to stop.

So why wasn’t she doing this?

“I don’t want to!” she wailed. What she must sound like. What she must look like. Surrounded by people who had every reason to hate her, bleeding and crying and talking to nothing. “Pick something else!”

“But you do it all the time.”

“I change my mind, then!”

Was it that simple? All along? Could she just—change her mind? Be a better person?

“No you don’t.”

“I don’t want to hurt people anymore!”

The noise, somehow, got louder. Paulina vomited. Something wet trickled from her other ear. She wanted this to end. But she didn’t want to hurt people to do it. Why did she only get two options?

“So you’ll get hurt instead?”

“No!” She curled in on herself, falling back to her knees and closing her eyes again. “You’re choosing to hurt me. You could choose not to!”

“And, what? That’ll make it better? You’ll forgive me and we’ll be best friends?”

If Paulina could think clearly, if she could do anything beyond speak the first thing that sprung to her lips, she might have lied. She might have said “Of course I’ll forgive you” so the stupid voice might listen to her. This, however, was not a choice she had the brainpower to make right now.

Instead, she said: “Of course not! You’re a fucking asshole.”

“Then why should I?”

“Because I’m a person and it hurts!”

“You’re a little late to that realization, querida. Wasn’t Valerie a person when you ditched her? Do you think you can be Valerie’s friend again after this? That you can prove yourself to her or something?”

“I can’t fix it! But I can stop making it worse!”

The noise stopped. Blessed silence returned.

Paulina looked up through tear-blurred eyes and saw Valerie, Danny, and Kwan crouched over her. She couldn’t hear past the ringing in her ears

“I’m sorry,” she said. Her throat ached. She must have been yelling, before. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

The exhaustion hit her all at once. Her ears pulsed with pain as she continued to babble apologies. The ground shook beneath her and Kwan caught her before she could topple over. A hand rubbed at her back, soothing circles, and she curled into Kwan’s chest.

“Think ‘m gon’ sleep, now, mkay?” she said, and then she was out.

--

“Holy shit,” Danny said, collapsing next to Paulina and Kwan and brushing the hair out of her face. “Is she—is she okay?”

Kwan held his fingers over her wrists. “I think so. Her ears are bleeding, though.”

“What happened?” Valerie said. “Your trial wasn’t anything like this!”

“I don’t know! It’s not like I’m an expert.”

“Stop yelling,” Paulina said, shifting against Kwan’s chest. “I can’t really hear you anyway.”

“Polly!” Kwan said, naked relief on his face. “Are you okay?”

Paulina pointed to her ears. “I can’t hear you, querido. My ears—it was really loud. In the trial.”

Dried blood still stained her neck. Danny had a feeling that “really loud” was an understatement.

In halting sentences, Paulina explained her trial. The voice, the laughter, the deal for making the pain stop. Danny was impressed; he wasn’t sure he would have withstood it, in her position. He could understand, now, how Pariah wouldn’t have made it through the trials.

They asked questions throughout, which Paulina couldn’t hear. It got a little better when they spoke slower and enunciated, but it would be a struggle until her ears healed, Danny feared.

“Let’s go over what we know,” Danny said, counting off on his fingers. “One, in both of the trials, only one person was picked to do the trial. Two, neither of you remembered it was a trial while it was happening, right?”

Kwan and Paulina both shook their heads, though Paulina winced as she did it. “It felt real,” Kwan said. “Like—I knew something was wrong, but whenever I tried to focus on that wrongness, it vanished.”

“I knew it was a trial at first,” Paulina said, throat scratchy, “but when it got too loud, I couldn’t really think straight. Then I was in school, and I completely forgot about the trial thing, even though the noise was still there. I forgot it wasn’t supposed to be there.”

Danny wanted to apologize to Paulina, for getting her involved in this, but he had a feeling she wouldn’t exactly appreciate it. She looked rough. Dried tear-streaks on her face that she hadn’t wiped off yet, hair a mess like she tried to rip it out, blood trails from her ears. They were pretty sure she’d burst both eardrums during her trial.

(It was a little over-the-top, Danny thought, to torture someone in a trial of compassion. Paulina had her flaws, sure, but that didn’t mean she needed to be hurt to learn a lesson. Kwan’s trial had really lulled them all into a false sense of security.)

(He could see, now, why Pariah Dark could never make it through.)

“Three, the trials seem to pick people on purpose.” His eyes slid over to Kwan and Paulina. “I think it picks based on those who… struggle the most with the thing the trial is all about.”

“Huh?” Paulina said. Right. She could only kind of hear right now.

“He said the trials picked us because I’m a coward and you’re mean.”

Danny winced. “That’s not—”

“Oh. Well, duh.”

“So, if truth’s next, it’ll be you, right?” Valerie said, looking Danny up and down.

“Hey!”

“You’re the one with the big secrets here.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you forget that you have a secret identity, too?” Danny felt like Valerie was probably right, all things considered. His secret was, ultimately, way bigger than hers.

Still, she was getting on his nerves. He’d known she had a grudge against ghosts, especially him, but this was getting ridiculous. For fuck’s sake, she’d worked better with him on Skulker’s island, when she thought he was a full ghost.

“No, but my dad knows all about it. And so did you, apparently, though you lied about that, too.”

“Oh, wow, two whole people. Except that I told your dad, not you. And you never told me anything! I happened to find out on my own.”

“Uh, guys?” Kwan said.

Valerie rolled her eyes. “Okay, yeah. But we broke up because I didn’t want to endanger you. And now it turns out you can take care of yourself just fine!”

“Oh, so if you knew I was half dead, we’d still be together? That’s my fault now?”

“Of course we wouldn’t. But I lied to you to protect you. You lied to me to protect yourself!”

“Yeah! I did! Now think for, like, two seconds about what I needed protection from!”

“Guys!” Kwan said. “Could you stop?”

“You know what? Maybe you’re right. Maybe it will be me. But not because I lie more than you. Maybe these tests are meant for humans only.”

Danny felt his eyes flash green. “So that’s what this is about? You hate me because I’m a freak?”

“I hate you because—”

“Okay!” Kwan said, jumping between them. “I think this conversation needs to stop immediately, before you both say… even more things you will regret. Valerie, dude, I know we’re just now trying to maybe be friends again, but as your maybe-future friend: you’ve gotta lay off.”

Danny stared and blinked at Kwan a couple times. Was Kwan… defending him?

“You’re taking his side?”

“Yeah, I am. I think you both need to cool down, but you’re wrong about this. And I think you know it, too.”

Valerie huffed. “I’m not wrong.”

Danny was so, so tired. “Okay.” He turned away and walked over to Paulina, who was still on the ground, and offered her a hand.

She stared up at him before grabbing on and pulling herself up. “She is wrong. She’s just… stubborn.”

Danny sighed. “You heard all that?”

“Bits and pieces. I got the gist. Hey, do you think the Panacea will fix my ears?” Danny opened his mouth to reply, but Paulina kept talking. “Never mind. What I mean is: sorry you had to hear that. I know you care about her, you know? It must really suck to hear this stuff from her in particular.”

“Yeah, I knew she wouldn’t take it well, but I didn’t think she’d take it this badly. I mean, she was okay with Danielle!”

“I’ll be real with you, I only caught like half of that, but, uh, who’s Danielle?”

Oh, duh. Danny smacked himself in the face. “Right, sorry. Danielle’s my half-ghost cousin. Well, we call each other cousins, but technically she’s my clone. She’s her own person, and all that but—yeah. Anyway, the guy who cloned her is also a giant asshole and he was planning to melt her down to study her remains, but Valerie helped me save her.” This time, he spoke a bit louder, and made sure to enunciate so Paulina could try to read his lips too.

“Dude. You have a clone?”

“Yeah.”

“Someone cloned you?”

“Yeah.”

“What the fuck?”

Danny laughed. “Yeah, that’s about right. He’s a real fruitloop, that Vlad.”

“Hang on—not Vlad Masters?”

Danny laughed harder. “Yep!”

“What the fuck, babe!”

“You’re telling me.”

“Why?”

Danny started to answer, then thought better of it. It was, after all, a long story, and he had a feeling that, although she was great at faking it, Paulina was still only catching parts of what he said. “I’ll tell you when your ears are better,” he said, tugging on his own then pointing at hers to make his point clearer.

Paulina rolled her eyes. “Fine. But I’m holding you to that! This is some juicy, juicy gossip”—Danny flashed her a panicked look—“that I will take to my grave and never speak of again.”

Paulina kept talking as they rejoined Kwan and Valerie. Mostly jokes about how he should change his ghostly outfit (“Seriously, querido, you’d look great in a crop-top!”) or about him out-gothing Sam (“You went and died! Manson will never be that hardcore.”).

Maybe he and Paulina could be friends after this.

--

Valerie was sure she was right.

She was sure she was right as she and Kwan waited in stony silence for Paulina and—for the others to join them. She was sure she was right as they walked in a group, the other three linking arms while she refused Kwan’s hand. She was sure she was right as they crossed into the black.

She was less sure when the room stayed dark.

“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me,” she said. She worried at her lip for a moment, then yelled, “I’m the Red Huntress! Is that the truth this thing wants?”

“Uh, yeah,” Danny said. “I already know that, Val.”

Valerie grinned, just a little. It wasn’t like anyone could see her, and the fact that he was here, too? Vindicating. “Well, look at that. It’s both of us!”

“Yeah? It’s both of us. Together. In some strange room. In the dark.”

“Okay, well I said my big truth. You say yours.”

“What? Why?”

“We need to get through this trial, dumbass!”

“Trial?”

“Yeah, the truth trial. Obviously we’re both in it—wait. You don’t know it’s a trial! Ha, then this is totally your trial and I just got pulled in for… reasons. I knew it!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Why is it so dark? Where are we?”

Valerie waved him off, though he couldn’t see it. “Oh, that’s not important. What is important is that you need to tell the truth. Probably to me, which is why I’m here.” Yeah, that made sense. He needed to tell the truth about how he’d hurt her, how he’d hurt everyone, how he’d played hero to earn his fawning fans. He needed to stop pretending to be something he wasn’t. And she was here because she deserved to hear it directly from him.

“What truth? Again, Val, what are you talking about?”

“Stop calling me Val. We’re not friends.”

“What do you—”

“Did the trial make you forget? I know you’re a ghost.”

“Oh.”

“I destroy ghosts.”

“But… But I’m also a human.”

“You’re a liar, is what you are.”

“For good reason.”

“No, I’m a liar for good reason. You’re just a coward!”

There was a long moment of silence where Valerie could only hear her own heaving breaths. Then, softly: “Wouldn’t you be?”

“No!”

“Really? You wouldn’t be the slightest bit afraid that people would try to kill you?”

“No one would kill you.”

“You said you know I’m a ghost and then immediately threatened to destroy me.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Oh? How was I supposed to take ‘I destroy ghosts’ then? A joke?”

“Stop trying to turn this around on me. You’re the one who needs to tell the truth!”

“What truth? You already know the secret!”

“I’m talking about the rest of it! How you lie and manipulate people, how you fake being a hero, how you ruined my life!”

“Is that what you think?”

“Yes.”

“Is that really what you think?”

“I don’t think. I know.”

“Gah! It’s impossible to talk to you about this shit.” There was a rustling sound, like he was walking away.

“Hang on! You can’t walk away; you still need to complete your trial!” She ran to where she heard him moving, tripped, and then she was falling, falling, falling…

…and landing with a thud in the same black void.

“She’s a ghost! And I destroy ghosts.”

“But she’s also a human!”

Was that… her? Back when they had been talking about Danielle. Danielle, who was human and ghost and just a little girl. Valerie and—they had saved her from Vlad, who was also human and ghost.

“Was this a trick, too? Was Danielle a liar, too?” she yelled. No answer. “Where the hell did you go? We aren’t done here!”

“Valerie?”

Valerie twitched. That voice—

There, bright and glowing against the blackness of the room, was Danielle.

“Valerie!” Danielle said with a grin, flying forward and giving her a hug. Valerie returned it with stiff arms.

“Hey, you… Uh, I’m looking for your… cousin. Do you know where he is?”

“Danny? No, I haven’t seen him in ages. I’m kinda off exploring the world, y’know? Anyway, how’ve you been?”

“I’m—good. Look, I really need to find him.”

Danielle floated up and shrugged. “Well, he’s not here, but I can help you look.”

Valerie nodded. “Thanks, kid. And, uh, would you mind changing back to human?”

“Huh?” Danielle landed on whatever passed for the ground in this featureless void. “Why?”

“It’s just—uncomfortable, is all.”

Something strange passed across Danielle’s face.

“Oh. Well, I mean, I’ll be a lot faster if I can fly.”

Valerie clenched her fists. “Fine,” she said through gritted teeth.

Danielle’s answering smile was tense as she lifted herself through the air. “I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

“Wait, if you leave how will”—Danielle zoomed away with an impressive burst of speed—“we find each other. Great.” Valerie groaned and slumped to the ground. “They just keep running away, huh?”

“Yeah,” Star said, “I wonder why that is.”

Star and Valerie were on a hill, watching the stars. Star was really good at finding constellations, seeing connections where Valerie saw points, seeing a picture where Valerie saw light pollution, so stargazing was always fun with her. She’d always loved space because of her name, she said. She wanted to know all about what she was named after.

The moon was full and bright. Valerie could see Star clearly, half-swallowed by the long grass. It was a cool, pleasant night. Peaceful, in all the ways Valerie was not.

(She was looking for someone. To do… something.)

“It’s ‘cause they know I’m right,” Valerie said.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure.”

“Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you need to be less sure.”

“What are you—”

And Valerie was falling again.

--

Detention with Lancer. Never fun, not even when he kicked his feet up and fell asleep. She and Phantom had both gotten it for skipping class to fight ghosts. The ghost himself was sitting in the back of the class, balancing his pencil on his nose and staring out the window.

After a long moment of silence, Phantom said, “You don’t have any questions for me?”

“Already know all the answers.”

“Oh yeah? Then why’d I fight Pariah Dark?”

“For attention.”

“I thought I would die.” Phantom’s tone was light, conversational. This isn’t a big deal to him, just a fact. “Like, all the way. I thought that suit was gonna kill me if Pariah didn’t kill me first.”

“You’re lying.”

The pencil fell to the desk with a clatter. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Whenever I say anything you can’t argue against, you just claim I’m lying.”

“It’s because you’re a liar,” Valerie said without thinking.

“See! There you go again. Not addressing my actual point, just deflecting.”

Valerie opened her mouth to refute again, then paused. Calling the ghost a liar had become reflex. She didn’t have to think about anything he said if it was all a lie, after all. Then again… “But you did lie to me.”

“Yeah. I’ve been lying to everyone for years now.”

“So why should I trust you?”

Phantom shrugged. “Have I ever hurt anyone?”

“That doesn’t mean you won’t start.”

“You could say the same thing about literally anyone, though.”

“You ruined my life!”

“You told me you liked being a ghost hunter. That you like your life as it is right now. Was that a lie?”

Valerie grit her teeth. “No.”

“Then why are you so upset with me?”

“Because you lied!” Valerie yanked her hair in frustration. “Isn’t that obvious?”

“Not because I’m a ghost?”

“No!”

Valerie gasped even as the word came out of her mouth. Lancer grumbled in his sleep at the front of the classroom and shifted to the side. Phantom grinned at her, showing off the fangs in his mouth.

“Wait, no, that’s not… I’m also mad because of the ghost thing! Ghosts are evil.”

“Am I evil?”

Yes, she wanted to say, but her lips wouldn’t form the word.

“Is Danielle evil?”

Danielle, screaming, dissolving into goo, and Valerie put her there—

“No.”

“Are you angry? Or are you using anger to cover the hurt?”

“I—I’m not—”

And Valerie was falling again.

--

“One of these days, ghost,” Jack Fenton said, shaking his fist, “I’m going to catch you and rip you apart molecule by molecule!”

“She’s a ghost!” Valerie said. “And I destroy ghosts!”

“Ghosts are nothing but the imprint of a human consciousness manifesting in ectoplasm after death,” Maddie Fenton said, shocking the ghost on her table as it screamed. “They don’t actually feel anything.”

And then—

Frostbite slammed the door closed, even though he got infected. Even though he was a full ghost and shouldn’t have cared about them at all.

And Danielle flew away, young and eager to explore the world. A child, who’d never really been free before.

And Danny—

Danny laughing with her. Danny hiding with her from Dash and Nathan. Danny forgiving her for being mean in school. Danny begging her to help him save Danielle (a child, who’d done nothing wrong and Valerie had given her away to a man who would destroy her). Danny, just as invested in protecting that stupid flour sack for their grade. Danny, revealing her to her dad, smug little grin on his face. Danny, who could’ve died that day and no one would have ever known what he’d done for them.

Something ached in her heart.

“No,” she said, choking on a sob, as the scenery around her changed again. “No, I can’t be this wrong.”

She was in a lab, now. Jack and Maddie Fenton stood to her left. To her right stood two GiW agents. On the table in front of her, strapped down, was Phantom.

Was Danny.

“Ms. Gray,” one of the agents said, “we were so pleased when you brought us your capture. Such a unique specimen will fuel our research for decades.”

Valerie swallowed. Danny stared at her, uncanny green eyes boring into her own. He didn’t say anything.

“Decades?” she said.

“Of course! We’ll take it slow; we wouldn’t want to destroy it before we’ve learned everything we can. Not like some people.” He looked over at Jack and Maddie, who rubbed their heads sheepishly.

Decades. Decades as a test subject. If Danny was just a ghost, it shouldn’t matter. He couldn’t feel anything.

Right?

Valerie couldn’t look away from his face. He looked scared.

“No,” she said. Her fingers clenched into fists

“Hm?” the other agent said.

“No, I won’t let you do this. It… This isn’t right!” With every word she spoke, she became more sure.

Danny was afraid. It wasn’t a lie or an act. He was really, truly afraid.

“Valerie?” Maddie said. “Dear, you know it’s not a person, right? It can’t actually feel.”

“You’re wrong!” She stepped forward, pulled out her gun, and blasted away the restraints holding Danny down. “I’ve been wrong, too. This whole time.”

“It’s out!” one agent said, pulling his ectogun and firing. “Recapture maneuvers, now!”

“What did you do?” Jack grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. Danny flew around the room, avoiding the ectoblasts from the agents and Maddie. “What did you do?”

“The right thing,” she whispered. And she knew that, this time, she was correct, and it hit like a bullet to the chest.

Then she was soaring, ripped out of Jack’s grasp, flying through walls and agents until she was outside the building, in Danny’s arms, free.

He set her down on a rooftop across the city. “Thank you,” he said. “I couldn’t—”

Heaving sobs burst out of her. “I’m sorry! God, fuck, I’m so sorry.”

“I—Huh?”

Fat tears rolled down her cheeks. “I just didn’t want to admit it. For so long, Danny.”

“Are you okay?”

Valerie laughed. “No. I’ve been convincing myself that I was right and ghosts were all evil all the time because if they weren’t… if they weren’t, then what was I even doing?”

Danny’s face, inexplicably, softened. “Val—”

“And then I found out your secret, and all I could think was that you lied. That you didn’t trust me. And I knew why! But if I acknowledged it, then I had to acknowledge everything. All the—all the ways I hurt you. What if I hurt other ghosts that did—didn’t deserve it either?” Valerie hiccuped. “I—oh, God, I’m a monster.”

“You’re not a monster. You’re human. This is the kind of mistake that humans make. Me included.”

“I would have let Vlad destroy Danielle if you didn’t talk me out of it. I would have been fine with it!”

“But you didn’t. Don’t torture yourself over things you didn’t do. It doesn’t help anything.”

Valerie’s throat was sore, aching with each new sob, but she couldn’t stop. “I’m sorry. I made you a liar in my head so I could keep lying to myself. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Danny’s arms circled around her, and she let her head hit his shoulder.

“Okay,” he said. “Okay.”

--

Kwan didn’t expect Valerie to come back crying.

He’d kind of figured she’d get the trial. She’d been so sure it would be Danny that Kwan thought it had to be her. Like, cosmically or whatever. And after Paulina’s… whatever that was, he knew it would more than likely be intense. But ever since her dad had lost his job, Valerie had lost her softness, too. She didn’t cry when she was upset anymore. Instead, she got angry. She got even.

But when the light flashed on, Valerie was huddled on the floor, hugging herself, sobs heaving from her chest. Her face was dark and splotchy, dark stains of mascara trailing down her cheeks. Time was Kwan would have run to her, put his arms around her, rocked her back and forth. But this wasn’t that Valerie, and he wasn’t that Kwan.

He walked slowly, and knelt beside her.

“Valerie?”

“Oh God,” she said, choking through her sobs. “I—I really messed up.”

Kwan couldn’t help but turn his head and stare at Danny, holding Paulina up across the room. If she meant what he thought she meant… well, he couldn’t exactly argue.

“Yeah,” he said. She looked at him, tears still dripping from her eyes. “What are you gonna do about it?”

Valerie lifted a shaking hand and wiped at her eyes and cheeks and chin. “Ugh, nasty.” She looked tired more than anything. “Yeah. Yeah, I gotta do something, right?”

“You should probably start with walking. I don’t think he’s gonna come to you.”

Kwan stood with her, holding her elbow as her knees started to tremble. He glanced over her real quick, looking for any injuries like Paulina’s, but whatever had messed her up seemed to be more mental than anything.

That didn’t stop her from almost collapsing when she took her first step, grabbing on to Kwan’s hand at the last moment.

“Val!” Danny said, making an aborted gesture like he wanted to come over to help.

“I’m okay,” she said. “Just give me a sec.”

Kwan didn’t quite buy it, but she was determined. He kept his arm out, just in case she fell, but with each step she became steadier, almost normal by the time she reached Danny and Paulina.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I was wrong about you. About everything. And I knew it, see, but I didn’t want to face it. So I just kept lying to myself. And I hurt you because of it. And I’m sorry.”

Danny froze, staring at Valerie in disbelief. “Oh,” he said.

Kwan looked over at the door at the far end of the chamber. He awaited the tell-tale rumble, the sign that they’d finished the last trial and the door was opening, but nothing came. Confused, he stared at Valerie, who shook her head.

“I don’t think I’m done just yet,” she said, sitting down in front of Danny. “I’ve done a lot of talking since this started. Said a lot of things… things that I regret. I haven’t listened, much. I think I need to listen, now.”

“Listen to what?” Danny said. “Like, what am I supposed to say?”

“Anything you wanted to tell me.” Tears spilled over her eyes again and her voice broke. “I’ll believe you. I swear.”

Danny laughed, just a little. “Even if I said the sky was green?”

Valerie pointed at one of the holes in the ceiling that revealed the swirling Ghost Zone outside. “Isn’t it?” she said.

Kwan couldn’t help but laugh at that, too, just as Danny and Valerie fell into giggles. Paulina mostly looked confused, but Kwan didn’t really have a good way to explain it to her right now. He waved her off.

“Well, I guess—Vlad’s a half-ghost, too. I thought you should know that.”

“Oh, uh, I already did. Know that, I mean”

“You did?”

Kwan held up his hands before they could get any deeper into that discussion. “Wait, wait—the mayor?”

“Yeah. He wants to kill my dad, marry my mom, and make me his evil half-ghost apprentice. So. It’s uncomfortable at best but sometimes I egg his house.”

“You egg his house?”

“After he cloned me, I figured all bets were off.”

“He cloned you?”

“Jesus, is that where Danielle came from?”

“Who’s Danielle?”

“My cousin. Well, technically, yes, she’s my clone, but that’s weird so we just call each other cousins.”

“Yeah,” Kwan said, feeling faint, “that makes the situation much less weird.”

Danny shrugged. “It’s just my life, dude. You get used to it.”

“Hang on,” Valerie said. “I don’t think we can gloss over the fact that Vlad Masters wants to murder your father, marry your mother, forcibly adopt you, and clone you, and the proportional response is egging his house?”

Danny rolled his eyes. “It’s not proportional but I’m not rich enough to do much more than be petty. If I reveal his identity to anyone then he’ll reveal me, too. Mutually Assured Destruction, and all that. Only so much I can do outside of that.”

“Okay. Okay. Shit. This is crazy. I hate this.”

“Tell me about it. How did you know Vlad was a ghost, anyway?”

“Oh, uh, I flew back to check on him after Danielle. And he was. Monologuing.”

Danny laughed again. “Of course he was. He’s such a little loser. You know his cat?”

“Yeah, Maddie—oh shit, that’s your mother’s name.”

(What the fuck, Kwan thought. What the fuck the mayor was so creepy.)

“Yeah, heh, well, the cat was my idea.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I told him he was so lonely and pathetic that he should stop trying to get my mom to love him since she never would and instead fill that hole with a cat. I still can’t believe he listened to me.”

They broke down into laughter again. Kwan thought it sounded a little hysterical, but he figured they deserved to go a little crazy.

After they calmed down a bit, Valerie wiped at her eyes. “What else?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, is there anything else you want to say to me? Stuff to tell me?”

(Kwan actually wanted to spend a little more time on the whole the mayor is an evil ghost thing, but this wasn’t his show.)

And Danny talked.

He talked about walking into his parents’ portal, thinking it was broken. About turning it on while he was still inside. About how much he sucked with his powers to start. About Ember McClain (she’s a ghost?) and Spectra (she’s a ghost?) and the Lunch Lady. About how scared he was, fighting Pariah Dark. About how much fun it was to fly. How funny it was to mess with Vlad.

Sometime, in the middle of all this, the door opened. Kwan and Paulina both felt the rumble, both looked at the door, but Valerie and Danny were too engrossed in their conversation to notice. Paulina opened her mouth to say something, but Kwan shook his head. The fate of the world didn’t rest on them moving immediately. Thirty more seconds wouldn’t matter.

After another minute, Paulina raised her eyebrows at him, jerking her head at the door. Kwan bit back an instinctive retort. She wouldn’t hear it anyway, and she wasn’t wrong. They couldn’t wait forever.

“Uh, guys?” he said, when there was a slight lull. “Not to interrupt, but the door’s open.”

Valerie and Danny’s head whipped around. “Oh,” Valerie said. “Right.”

Kwan winced. They’d been having a good time! Getting along! He’d been hoping for that since the beginning of this mess and now that they were there, he had to break the tender moment up. Unfair.

Necessary, but unfair.

“We’re done, right?” Danny said. “I mean, this last one should be the Panacea?”

“Should be,” Valerie said. “Unless we fucked up somehow. Or that legend was wrong.”

Kwan peered beyond the opening, but just like every other time, it was pitch black. They’d only find out for sure by walking in.

“Hang on a sec,” Danny said, eyes squeezed in concentration. Before Kwan could ask what he was doing, a bright white light engulfed the room.

When Kwan could see again, there was Danny Phantom, standing in place of Danny Fenton.

“Woo! Finally!” Danny said, floating up and doing a couple flips.

“Wait,” Kwan said, “could you… not do that before?”

Danny laughed. “Of course not, dude, or I’d’ve been in ghost mode the whole time. Ghost Zone is dangerous and all. That gun really knocked the wind out of me; I only just got the connection to my ghost half back.”

Kwan had been kind of avoiding thinking about Danny’s ghost half because he wasn’t really sure what to think. He didn’t have a problem with it, not like Valerie did, but it still felt… weird. How could someone be half-dead? Wasn’t it, like, painful?

Watching now, the grin on Danny’s face as he unleashed a bright explosion of ectoplasm like a firework over their heads, he knew there was nothing to worry about. Danny was half-ghost. Danny was happy about it.

It was good enough for him, Kwan decided.

He glanced over at Valerie. A smile played around her lips. Paulina was cheering beside her, elbow resting on Valerie’s shoulder. In a moment, they’d all link arms and walk through the last door, a truly united front.

Kwan cheered with Paulina as Danny landed. Valerie’s almost-smile became a grin. Danny bowed, a huge sweeping motion.

He could get used to friends like this.

--

“If we walk through this door and there’s another trial,” Danny said, looping his hands through Kwan and Valerie’s elbows, “I’m gonna be so pissed.”

Kwan and Valerie laughed, but Paulina groaned. “I can’t wait to find this stupid Panacea so I can stop missing all the good stuff! Stop being funny while I can’t hear!”

Danny couldn’t help laughing again as they stepped over the final threshold.

Immediately, the room lit up. Danny raked his eyes over the other, making sure none of them were shaken up or hurt like they’d been before, but they all looked the same.

“No trials?” he said, just to be sure.

“No,” Valerie said. Kwan shook his head.

Paulina rolled her eyes. “I still can’t hear you.”

Danny gave her a thumbs up, then pointed at her, and shrugged.

She giggled. “Okay, yeah, I’m good. No trials or anything, if that’s what you’re asking.”

With that settled, Danny examined the room for the Panacea. At the far end, raised on a pedestal on a dais, was a white, crystalline bottle, glowing just slightly.

The Panacea.

Kwan whooped and raced toward it. “Wait!” Danny said, afraid of another trap.

Kwan made it to the dais, but stopped at Danny’s shout. “Sorry! I got excited.”

“Yeah, I get it, but we need to be careful.” Danny floated up next to Kwan, Valerie and Paulina right behind him. “Maybe… Maybe you should all step back.”

“What?”

“Danny, no!”

“What’d you say?”

“Listen! I’m faster than any of you. If something gets triggered I’m more likely to be able to get away.”

“But—” Valerie started to say.

“Am I wrong?”

“No—”

“Look, I appreciate it. Really, I do, but I think it’s best if I get the thing. Just in case.”

Danny couldn’t exactly explain why, but he was absolutely certain that he needed to be the one to grab the bottle. Everything he said was true enough, but there was something else niggling in the back of his mind that said he was the only one who could do it. He couldn’t let anyone else touch it.

“What’s going on?” Paulina said to Kwan in what she probably intended to be a whisper but was loud enough for everyone to hear. Kwan pointed to Danny, then to the rest of them, then pointed to the other side of the chamber.

“Yeah, that doesn’t really help,” she said, “but thanks, querido.”

“Are you sure?” Valerie said, steady gaze meeting his own.

Danny swallowed. “I’m sure.” He wasn’t sure why he was so sure, but he was.

She bit her lip, then nodded and stepped back, pulling Kwan and Paulina with her. That trial really had changed things; just ten minutes ago, Valerie would never have listened to him like this.

Once they were far enough away, Danny took a deep breath and grabbed the Panacea.

It came off easily, but before they could take a moment to celebrate, a bright green box formed around him.

Of course it did.

Danny reached out to touch the green wall, and a painful zap had him yanking his hand back. So no walking through. Ugh.

“Oh, come on!” Paulina said, tearing at her hair in frustration. “We passed your stupid trials! Just let us save the world!”

“Don’t worry, dude!” Kwan said. “We’ll get you out of there.”

It hit Danny all at once, a certainty that he knew exactly what needed to be done.

Valerie had already run up to the trap, Kwan and Paulina close behind, and was examining it. Probably looking for a way to get rid of it.

She couldn’t, though. Not like that.

“Val! Take the Panacea!”

Valerie, sharp as ever, narrowed her eyes at him. She’d already caught on. “We aren’t going to leave you here, Danny.”

“You have to.”

“No way!”

“What’s happening now?”

Kwan pulled out his phone, typing something before showing it to Paulina. She gasped. “Are you stupid? We’ll figure something else out. Don’t go playing martyr on us now.”

“No, listen! You have to. This is my trial, okay?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Every trial picks something that we suck at, right? Well, this one picked me.”

Kwan frowned. “I don’t—”

“It’s trust. I—look, I’ll be honest, you three are not high on my list of people to trust with my secret. Or, at least, you weren’t.”

Valerie opened her mouth, then winced. “Okay, yeah, that’s… fair.”

“But how can this be a trial? No one else’s trial took place in the real world!” Kwan stopped himself, furiously typing on his phone to show to Paulina. “This is the real world, right?”

“It’s real,” Danny said. He knew it like he knew he needed to grab the Panacea, like he knew exactly what needed to happen next. “This trap won’t go away until we put the Panacea back. But when we put it back, it’s gone forever. We’ll never find it again.”

“So, if we get you out…”

“We lose the Panacea.”

“No, no, no! We’ll figure something else out. There has to be another way.”

“Guys, guys, chill. You just have to bring it back when you’re done, okay?” Danny held out the Panacea through the force field. It passed through just fine. “I’m not offering to stay here forever. Just until you get back.”

None of them moved to grab the bottle. “But… but how are we supposed to fight the ghost without you?”

It was a fair question, and Danny wasn’t sure how he would have answered it yesterday. But the Panacea would be Pestilence’s ultimate weakness. And they’d faced plenty of stuff on their own today.

Danny wiggled the Panacea. “You’ll figure it out. I’ve got faith.”

(He was lying, just a little. But this wasn’t the truth trial, and what was faith without a little doubt?)

Valerie hugged herself. “I don’t know that we can,” she said. She straightened. “But we have to anyway, right?”

“Pretty much,” Danny said with a laugh.

“Do you have, like, snacks? For while you wait? Do you even need to eat?” He opened his mouth to respond, but Paulina shook her head. “Never mind, I can’t hear you anyway. Just… be careful?”

He couldn’t do much else, trapped as he was. He smiled and gave Paulina a thumbs up.

Kwan reached out and took the bottle. “How come you get to know it’s a trial, anyway? I didn’t know what the hell was going on.”

“How the hell should I know?”

“Fair.” Kwan started to move away, then paused. “We’ll figure it out. Promise.”

“I know,” he said. (Did he?)

“See you soon.”

Danny’s palms were sweaty under the suit. “See you soon.”

And they left.

--

Waiting sucked.

He was more bored and more anxious than he’d ever been in his life. Sure, he’d talked big about trusting the others. He even meant it. But he’d lost his phone somewhere in this whirlwind of a day, so he had no idea how much time had passed. An hour? Two hours? A day?

Okay, it definitely hadn’t been a day, but still. He worried. Valerie could hold her own, and Kwan could throw a decent punch, but was that enough against a veritable army? Even with the Panacea?

He wasn’t used to sitting aside and letting other people save the day.

(It was the right choice. It was the only choice. He hated it.)

He drummed his fingers on his knee. He tried a few breakdancing moves, fell, and laid on his back for ten minutes. His bladder started to ache. He thought about pissing through the barrier, but he couldn’t risk the chance that it would instead ricochet. He squeezed his legs together. He sang Billy Joel songs at the top of his lungs until his throat started to hurt.

“Jeez, you are not a singer, my guy.”

Danny’s head jerked up at Kwan’s voice. There, crossing the threshold, were Valerie, Paulina, and Kwan, hair and clothes a little messed up, but looking perfectly fine.

“You’re back!” He stood up and attempted to meet them, only to slam into the barrier, zapping himself once again. “Ow.”

“Of course we are,” Valerie said, a smirk in her voice. “Never a doubt.”

“This Panacea stuff is amazing.” Paulina pointed to her ears and wiggled the bottle. “Fixes everything. I love hearing and sound.”

Danny laughed, relief tingling down his spine. It worked. They did it. They won.

“Thank fuck,” he said. “Now get me out of here.”

“Hm, I don’t know,” Paulina said, tapping at her chin and frowning. “This stuff is pretty cool.”

Before an icy hand of fear could grip his heart, Kwan and Valerie were already yelling at Paulina.

“Polly!”

“Come on, girl.”

Paulina giggled, waving her hand. “Sorry, sorry. Wrong crowd.” She passed it through the barrier.

He snatched it out of her hand and placed it back on its pedestal. The barrier fell, and the room rumbled once again. As Danny stumbled to his friends (yeah, they were friends, weren’t they?), the chamber collapsed in on itself, leaving just the four of them, floating alone in the Ghost Zone.

“Guys,” Danny said, “I have to pee so badly.”

And they collapsed on each other, laughing. It didn’t help the burning in his bladder, but he could wait a minute or so more.

--

All four of them had split with little fanfare, exhausted from the day's events. He'd sent a quick text to Sam, Tucker, and Jazz, promising to explain everything tomorrow, and promptly fell asleep.

Jazz drove him to school and he gave her a rundown on the way. She smiled at him. Patted his shoulder. Said she was proud of him for making such a hard choice.

“Wasn't much of a choice,” he said with a shrug.

“That still doesn't mean it was easy. You did good, Danny. And now maybe you've got some more people, too.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe.”

The thing was, Danny had watched The Breakfast Club once, with Sam and Tucker. At the end, Sam looked over at him and said, “Bet they go back to school the next day and never talk to each other again.”

Tucker blew a raspberry at her. “Boo!” he said. “You're no fun.”

“Yeah,” Danny had said at the time, “They're all friends now. They aren't just going to give it all up to go back to how things used to be.”

“They spent one afternoon together in detention,” Sam said. “How life changing could it be?”

Danny pointedly did not think about that conversation as he walked up to Casper High the day after Pestilence's defeat. He didn't think about it as he pushed open the front entrance. He didn't think about it as he opened his locker. He definitely didn't think about it as he saw Dash shove Mikey to the floor.

Business as usual.

“Hey.”

Danny jumped, smacked his head on the locked door, and turned to see Paulina standing behind him.

Paulina giggle. “You good, cariño?”

“Don't sneak up on me like that!” Danny rubbed the stinging at the back on his head. “You'll give me a heart attack.”

“Can you get a heart attack?” Paulina tilted her head. Danny thought for a moment: his heart didn't actually beat in ghost form so theoretically...

“...Don't ask me that.”

“Hey, Fenturd! Leave Paulina alone.”

And there was Dash, looming behind him like Skulker, but only half as scary. Danny managed not to flinch as he turned to face him.

“I started talking to him, Dashie.”

Dash blinked in surprise. “Well,” he said, “he still shouldn't bother you.”

“He isn't.”

“Oh.”

Dash stood for a moment, mouth open, like he couldn't believe any of this. Danny could hardly believe it himself. But then Paulina rolled her eyes and said, “Seriously, Dash, that's enough. You can go now.” She punctuated her sentence with a dismissive wave.

“I—what?” Dash shook his head. “No, no, this doesn't make sense. Polly, are you—are you still possessed?”

Still possessed. Did Dash think that Paulina had been under Pestilence's spell? Or did he think she was somehow under Danny's spell? What exactly did everyone else think had happened yesterday?

“Just because I want to talk to Danny and not—”

“But he's a loser—”

“Don't talk about him like that!”

Dash's mouth flapped like he wanted to speak but no words came out. “I—you—what did you do to her, you little freak?” He turned on Danny, who had pressed himself into his locker, caught in the middle of this argument. Grabbing Danny's collar, he hoisted him up, knocking his head against the locker door again. Ow.

“I didn't do anything! Maybe Paulina just grew up!” Danny had never been good at keeping his mouth shut. Even now, when the obvious answer was to just get this whole thing over as soon as possible, he still had to sass Dash.

Paulina's perfectly manicured hand wrapped around Dash's wrist. “Seriously, Dash, he didn't—”

Dash ignored her, shoving her off. Paulina stumbled back, then hit the ground with a thud.

“Get off of him!”

And there was Kwan, pulling Dash off of him, arms looped under and around his shoulders. Danny sank to the ground, rubbing at his head. To the side, he saw Valerie help Paulina up before they both turned to glare at Dash.

Despite the twinge in his scalp, despite the stares of the rest of the school, despite his own lingering exhaustion, Danny couldn't help but smile. Take that, Sam. The Breakfast Club lives.

--

“Kwan?” Dash pulled away as soon as Kwan loosened his grip. “What the hell are you doing?”

Kwan ignored him and turned to Danny and Paulina. “You guys okay?”

Before either of them could respond, Dash shoved him. “Hey!”

“What is your problem, dude?”

“You're the one who suddenly came at me!”

“Yeah, because you were hurting Danny and Paulina.”

Dash blinked, like that hadn't occurred to him. It probably hadn't. Sometimes, Kwan thought that Dash didn't realize that everyone else in the world was a person, too. That they all had thoughts and feelings of their own. To Dash, everything was all Dash all the time.

(It wasn't entirely true, Kwan knew. He remembered a different Dash, eight years old, crying over Old Yeller and pretending he wasn't. Swiping at stray tears and yelling it's just dusty it's allergies don't laugh even though Kwan was crying, too. He doesn't know when exactly the pretense became reality, but he'd lost his Dash a long, long time ago.)

“Sorry Polly,” Dash said, not even looking at her. “But she’s acting weird. Fentonio’s using his parents’ ghost stuff to control her or something!”

“He is not!” Paulina yelled.

“Do you have, like, proof, or are you just pulling this insane theory out of your ass?”

They had long since attracted a crowd. Danny had slipped over to Valerie and Paulina at the front of the mass of students, and behind them stood just about every person in the school. Even Mr. Lancer, who by all rights should have been stepping in and stopping this, was standing by and watching. Like he was curious how things would go.

Asshole.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you need to back off of Danny and everyone else!”

Dash straightened up and pushed up his sleeves. “Oh yeah?” he said. “Who’s gonna make me.”

The crowd around them went wild, frenzied kids hooting and hollering at the prospect of a fight. Kwan made eye contact with Danny, Valerie, and Paulina. Paulina pointed at Dash, rolled her eyes, and faked a gag. Valerie gave him a thumbs up. Danny mouthed sorry at him. Behind them, Lancer hid his face behind a book.

Kwan wasn’t stupid. He knew what Dash was asking for. He knew Dash thought he’d win the fight, easy. He’d always won before, after all. Except—Kwan had been stupid in love with him. And a Dash who won was way happier than a Dash who lost.

The truth: Dash was a quarterback. Decently strong, for sure, but his main job was throwing the ball around. Kwan was an offensive lineman. His main job? Throwing people around. When the playing field was level, when Kwan didn’t pull his punches, there was no competition.

If Dash had thought about it for more than a minute, he would’ve realized that there was no way he was stronger than Kwan. But he’d long since lost that kind of self-awareness.

Kwan could be sad about all the ways Dash had changed tomorrow. Today was for kicking his ass.

Dash pulled his arm back to throw a haymaker. Without pausing to think, Kwan sidestepped the attack and swung an uppercut, hitting Dash square on the jaw with a nauseating click.

Dash flopped to the floor, mouth hanging open. Blood dripped down his chin; he must have bitten his tongue. For a moment, he froze, staring at Kwan in shock.

“You’re an ass,” Kwan said, “and I’ve been an ass right next to you. But I’m sick of it. Paulina’s sick of it. Everyone else in school is sick of it. I’m not holding myself back just to make you feel better. And I’m not gonna let you keep being a dick, either. So I suggest you stay down.”

Dash opened his mouth to say something, but Kwan cut him off. “I don’t wanna hear it,” he said. “Just… grow the fuck up, dude.”

And he walked past his oldest friend, bleeding on the ground, toward the cacophony of students and his 3 new/old friends.

“Jeez,” Valerie said, giving him a playful smack on the shoulder, “you’re so dramatic.”

“That was… public,” Danny said. The students started to disperse, heralded by Mr. Lancer. Lancer looked over at Kwan, nodded in something like approval, then shepherded people into their classrooms, leaving the four of them alone in the hallway just before the bell rang.

Kwan scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, sorry about that. Sorry you got in the middle there.”

“No, no, I mean… thanks for stepping in, but are you guys gonna be okay?” Danny’s eyes flicked between Paulina and Kwan.

They looked at each other. Paulina giggled. Valerie shook her head with a smile.

“Yeah, dude,” Kwan said. “We’re gonna be just fine.”

[al1fers-haven]

Platonic hazbin hotel cast and gn!teen!reader with the personality of loona from helluva boss 👀

It could be a list of hcs or a oneshot. Either way is fine ^^

Hazbin Hotel x GenZ!Reader Headcannons

Imma do this as headcannons because...I can't really find any storyline for this lol CHARLIE

one of the things that Charlie seemed to actually figure out the most was why you were so moody lol, she went through that emo phase too but...yours was sticking a bit too long to be a phase.

She had mentioned a couple times that they were going to focus on your issues separately to keep you from feeling bad, but she never actually went for it. Scared it would set you off a bit.

outside of that, she thought you were adorable, treating you more like a younger sister than a normal hotel attendee.

Sees more of herself in you than she would like to admit, and doesn't truly understand why you are in hell but...she doesn't push.

VAGGIE

Oh god, you and vaggie DO NOT MIX. It's one thing to put two demons together, but Vaggie already acts like a depressed teen at times.

She doesn't really...demand respect but she tries to act motherly towards you and just fails miserably.

You think she is trying to be controlling because you are younger and don't know as much.

Genuinely thinks you can be redeemed, and that if anyone has shot at it, it would be you.

Despite the fact you two don't get along, you come to her for some issues that you know she would be good with, like trying to get better and maintain friendships. that doesn't happen often tho.

You and her mixed is awful for boardgames too, talk about competitive.

You and her definitely got a lot of bad blood on, especially if you get all mean with charlie and yell.

ANGEL DUST

Oh god, it's a beautiful friendship.

You and angeldust get along more than needed, despite both being assholes at times, you both love each other and think a lot of one another.

You are usually the one taking care of him (along with Husk) Whenever he gets too rowdy at clybs, not only that but he takes care of you when you are unstable as well.

You don't do well with men, or any sort of family figure that is a man so as much as you try you always blow up.

You deeply care for the spider porn star but sometimes your personality makes it harder than you'd like. And he is one of the people inside the hotel that understands this the most, it's what you guys bonded over.

LOVES YOUR ATTITUDE.

He thinks your absolutely hilarious and wishes that when he was your age he had half the courage to say the shit you say. Watching you tell Alastor he was a braindead prick? Oh it made his day.

But that worried him a little bit, while he was happy you hadn't been roped into any sort of deal or contract, he was worried you'd say something to the wrong person. And if you ever did he would be there in a heartbeat

you two usually get drunk together since he doesn't want you going to any bars alone (Which you hate, but understand) So he won't help you with the hangover, but he will be right next to you throwing up in the sink as you throw up in the toilet :) HUSK

If you had to have a father bond with anyone? It would be Husk. He refuses to give you drinks for no reason and even has late-night talks with you.

scolds you for not being careful and respecting yourself, and usually just sits there as you yell at him till you say something truly horrible to him.

(Which isn't a lot, this guy can take more than he admits.)

But at the end of the day, he's there to give you advice and let you ramble on about the shitty stuff going on in your life,

hell he even lets you drink if it's truly bad

he's more scared of you ending up like him than you getting drunk young, you are in hell.

definitely helps you to bed and takes care of you when you are drunk or after you are drunk. Seems like the type to have a soft spot for emotionally troubled drunk teens. ALASTOR

Oh god, he hates you.

if it wasn't for the fact you were a part of the hotel or one of Charlie's favorites. He would have killed you by now due to the comments you threw at him.

He couldn't tell who he would rather be in a room with, velvette? Or you.

Despite all of that he had an open mind to your behavior, understanding you were an emotional teen.

but that did NOT make the whole 'fossil' joke suddenly funny to him.

You two have bonded over a couple things, suits, food, and your insomnia. At the end of the day you still hated each other.

But he would totally cover you up if you fell asleep on the couch or something like that.

If you listen to his radio show he actually might start being nice to you, he's a sucker for teens as well. Especially if you are a girl.

DEFINITELY IMAGINE DEADPOOL AND THE SUPERSONIC GIRL FROM THE FIRST MOVIE.

"So what's it going to be? Mean comment? Or long sullen silence." "....you got me in a corner here." NIFTY

you two were an odd duo, usually, you sat through her horrible roach puppet shows and tried to hype her up, but in the end, you just couldn't.

she still appreciated you watching them and not booing.

Definitely tries not to get on your bad side, but ends up being annoying on accident,

you can't be mad at her though... SIR PENTIOUS (or however you spell it.)

This man obviously had cried multiple times because of your attitude and yelling.

He is a softy at heart, and you try to feel bad but he just makes it so easy.

the snake jokes are never-ending, especially if you two decide to form a bond? but I doubt that would ever happen...man is sensitive.

Didn't catch him during the trust fall, instead gagged about how slimy he was and called him a rude name.

Might make a part 2 to this, it's adorable

[gaias-space]

DEAN WINCHESTER X FEM! READER X ENEMIES TO LOVERS

“Dean we’ve got nothing!” You shout frustrated. “Is Sam sure there’s even a case?” You sink in the chair of the building you were in. Sam was at the bunker with a busted knee, so he assigned the next best person he knew to hunt alongside Dean, you. You were skilled, had years of experience, and smart. You’d known the boys for years, Sam admired you, but Dean…he never knew why but you rubbed him the wrong way. But you too felt the same. Neither of you got along, you were on the brink of ripping each other’s throats at any time you were around each other. But when it came to a job both of you tried putting that aside to get the job done and then wouldn’t have to worry about seeing each other for another few months or for both yours sakes, years.

“Yeah I’m thinking that too, but the mass of deaths in this town…it’s off. But where the hell is the evidence” Dean says also frustrated. It was late, you were exhausted. And Dean, refusing to admit it, was also tired. “Alright well how about tomorrow we head into the town and speak with the local sheriff” you suggest: Dean agrees “yeah. You’re right, we’re going to have to check it out tomorrow because god…I’m so tired.” The two of you yawn. “it’s gettin late. And I want some food, I’m starving”. Deans voice was low, never once looking you in the eye. “There’s a motel not far from here, we’ll have to crash there and tomorrow we’ll look for more answers” you say. Deans brows crease and he hisses frustrated. “oh hell no. No way am I putting up with your ass got a whole night. There has to be someone who can give us any sort of information” he turns around slowly gesturing to the remaining people in the office. Your heart ached and you took a step back. “Ass” you murmur under your breath. “Dean it’s nine at night, we’ve been up since six. Not a person here has given us any- or much useful information. I say we try investigating the sheriffs office tomorrow but we need sleep and we need to do this for Sam.” your voice hopeful. Dean rolls his eyes frustrated. “Yeah…you’re right.” His voice deep and filled with annoyance. Sam had felt depressed for weeks while he was in the mend, seeing his eyes light up knowing there was a case- well how could you not do it? You sit in silence in the impala, Dean blasts his favourite songs with full intention of drowning you out if you even tried to speak. He couldn’t stand your voice, he couldn’t stand your excited rambling when you discovered something he couldn’t stand you. He just wanted this case to be over, and he was regretting taking this one since it’s taking a lot longer then he wanted it to be. The car ride was painfully long, but you couldn’t help the loud sigh of relief when Dean says “we’re here”. He pulls into a small parking lot and a small motel building. He pulls the car into an empty lot, turns the car off and looks at you. “One night, and first thing Tomorrow morning, bright and early, crack of dawn, sunny-“

“Alright, alright I get it Jesus!” You wave a hand in dismissal. “God you really are the worst” you say exiting his car, refusing to hear another word. It was now closer to ten pm, you were tired and exhausted, but now more irritated then ever. The two of you enter the small building to boom a room. In the office was a thin, scrawny young man. “H-hey what can I do for yous tonight?” He says with a squeaky voice. He has to be young, or this is his first job. Dean stands in front of you, dominant like always. “We need a room” he demands. The nervous kid flicks through the motel book and sighs happily. “Ah perfect! We have one room left and it’s perfect for you lovely couple it’s a-“

“Excuse me?” Dean interrupts. The boy chokes and there’s a shakiness to hos voice again. “Well uh there’s one room available. One double bed…”

“No! No none of that! We sure as hell ain’t a couple! Listen buddy we need two rooms or two beds anything else!” Dean slams his fist on the desk, startling the boy. You can’t help but chuckle at the situation, of course this would happen to you. “Oh I’m so sorry sir…I didn’t mean to assume. But we’re all out, that’s the last room we’ve got tonight.”

Dean sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “Is there another motel nearby?” His voice lowered. “I mean not for another four hours…”

“Four hours!? What kind of city is this- god…just..fine. That will do.” He says in defeat. The boy nervously grabs the key and hands it to Dean. “C-can I have a name?…for the book I mean”. You couldn’t help. But feel sorry for the kid. He looked like he was about to wet himself. But Dean was an asshole, he had that effect on a lot of people. “Kyle Maddison” Dean says. He always used an alias especially on a job. You sank in the waiting seat you were tired, exhausted, trusted, disappointed now. The one thing you wanted was sleep, and also to get this job done and not see Dean again. But of course this had to happen. As much as you wanted to put up a fight, the idea of sleep sounded marvellous. Dean finishes up and turns around storming out the door not waiting for you. Why would he? You follow along and find yourselves at room 403. “Can’t fucking believes this” he mutters. You enter the room and he throws his bags on the small table. Both of you look at the double bed in the room. Now there was the elephant in the room. “Well what are we going to do now?” You say. Dean takes his jacket off and kicks his shoes off. “I dunno about you sweetheart but sleep sounds great right about now and this bed- oh she’s calling my name”. He smiles at the furniture and falls o to the comfortable looking mattress. “Excuse me?” You say annoyed. Dean just st looks at you confused, as if you should already somehow know the answer. “What?” Your jaw drops and you scoff. “Where the hell am I gonna sleep? Why don’t I get the bed? Ladies first and all?” Dean lets out a choked laugh “ha! Honest I paid for the room. I get the bed. And I sure as hell ain’t sharin’ so.”- he darts his eyes at the floor. A small space beside the bed that could fit your body with a little extra room. “You’ve got to be kidding me Dean” you growl. “Your fucking ridiculous” you shout. “Well that’s not my problem now is it? You’re lucky I even let us stay in here. Lucky I even paid for us to have the room. Speaking of”- deans eyes dart to the mini fridge. “Bingo”. He rolls his body out of bed and raids the mini fridge. “You know you have to pay for that?” You attempt to ruin his joy. But he just shrugs. “Ah fake credit cards, never paid a dollar for these in my life” he says muffled as he shoves chips into his mouth. “You’re actually ridiculous my god”. You couldn’t believe he was making you sleep on the floor. You notice there was a small ensuite. Perfect, a shower. Just what you needed after today. Showers always made you feel better no matter what kind of day you’ve had. And perhaps this would help with this sleeping arrangement. “I’m going for a shower” is all you say as you enter the bathroom and shut the door behind you. Dean continued stuffing his face with drinks and snacks.

***

The shower was warm and refreshing, the water trickled down your body and the rosy scented soap suds drizzled down you and into the drain. For a moment you had forgotten all about your worries. Just the warmth and comfort of the shower. You had been in there for quite some time and you were now at the brink of passing out from tiredness. You quickly finish in the shower and dress yourself in satin sleepwear, another comfort item. You open the ensuite door and are greeted with the smell of pizza. “Dean. Did you get pizza?” You ask in shock and confusion. You watch as Dean shovelled down a pizza, noticing the delivery recipet hanging on the bed. “Yeah…well, the snacks didn’t fulfill my hunger so I ya know- got food.” You could barely make out his words while he chewed. The smell of pepperoni wafted in your nose and you felt your stomach ache. You too were starving and hadn’t eaten for hours either. And now it was almost sickening. “It was a two for one special so I got you a cheese pizza” deans voice interrupts your thoughts and he points to a box on the bed. With a shocked expression you move your way to the box and take it “uh…thank you” you mutter. “Pfft didn’t do it for you. Almost considered eating that one myself. You just got lucky tonight that’s all” how voice was cold and sarcastic. Would he ever lighten up? Rolling your eyes you sit on a small stool and shovel the pizza in your mouth. More time had passed and it was closer to midnight, your stomach was full, Dean was now lying in bed trying to sleep and you, you were making a makeshift bed on the floor. as you made your bed, you huff and puffed and made all kinds of sounds expressing your annoyance and frustration with your sleep arrangement, hoping it would get a reaction out of Dean. “Look I ain’t happy about it either, the sooner we get this done the better it will be alright? You fight demons and all kinds supernatural beasts but you can’t sleep On the floor? pfft make that make sense” he snarks. Rolling your eyes you finally lay down on the hard, rough carpeted floor and attempt to find a comfortable position. “Yet, you’re too afraid to share the bed” you respond. Dean doesn’t reply he rolls over facing away from you and attempts to sleep. He couldn’t help but feel a little bad for making you sleep on the floor, it was cruel even for him, but he refused to kill his ego and sleep in the same bed with you. Soon he shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep. And you, you tossed and turned for another hour trying to get comfortable until sleep finally took you and you fell into a deep rest.

Hours had gone by, it was around 4 am when you felt something touch your arm. It’s little legs tickled your fingers, and then your hand, then up to your arms and finally, you woke to the sensation, thinking it was a dream. Your eyes fly open, and you notice and sensation was real. It was a roach from the floor, crawling on your hand. Your eyes widen and an earth shattering scream bursts through your lips. You jump to your feet waving your arm around, throwing the roach into the air. “FUCK! BUG! ROACH! AHHHHH!” You could barely make the words, Dean wakes up in a panic. Your worst fear was bugs. “What the hell Y/N?!” Dean yells. You grasp your knees breathing heaving trying to catch your breath. “There was a - a bug!…crawled on me-“ you pant. Deans face contorts, annoyance and tiredness reading all over him. “You woke me up over a goddamn bug!?” Dean yells. You were still shaken up “it was Crawling in me!” You scream. Dean signs and falls back onto his pillow. “Go to bed. Fuckin pussy” those last words he mutters, but you could still hear him. You look back at your bed, a blanket and a single pillow. If there was one roach, there had to be others. You were exhausted, your eyes barely focusing. Dean grunts and tries to fall back asleep. But no way in hell could you sleep now. What if another crawled on you? What if it went in your mouth? Or bit you somehow? Can Roaches even bite? Well you weren’t gonna try and find out. With a shaky breath you contemplate what to do. The floor was so uncomfortable you knew your back would hurt in the morning, there was also possibly a family of bugs waiting to dance in your body. But there right in front of you was the coziest looking bed right now. You sigh feeling defeated, you knew what his answer would be but you needed to try. You tiptoe over and stare at him for a moment. The moonlight illuminating his features. He looked so peaceful sleeping. His soft lips parted slightly, his arms hugging his pillow. He looked cute, almost like he could be nice. Something he’d never been to you. You reach out a finger and poke his arm, he grunts but doesn’t wake. “Dean!” You whisper. He could not have fallen back asleep that fast. “Dean!” You say louder. He jolts awake again “huh? What? Oh…for god sakes Y/n what are you doing awake? You’re not still scared about a damn bug are you?” His voice deep and tired. “As a matter of a fact yes, I’m horrified. Can I-can I please sleep on the bed? You won’t know I’m even there? Please” you whimper. He rolls his eyes too tired to argue. He was tired, he wanted sleep. Needed it infact. His eyes lazily look at you “no” is all he says before laying his head on the pillow. “But - but”- he doesn’t say a word he closes his eyes and ignores you. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me’ you thought. Well it was worth a shot. You shakily lay back down in your makeshift bed feeling unease. Dean wasn’t asleep, he couldn’t. Not after the guttural scream that came from you. He felt guilty. Why? He wasn’t sure. But it wasn’t fair for you to sleep on the floor. Dean tried everything he could to get comfortable and sleep but all he could hear was you tossing and groaning.

His tired figure rolls across and he props himself up on his arms watching you. Watching your tiny body shake and quiver. ‘God she’s really shaken up over a bug?’ Dean thought. He knew you were completely terrified of them, it was almost pathetic. He couldn’t help but feel dread and guilt. You looked so frightened, that floor did not look comfortable and after all you hadn’t annoyed him too ouch today. Perhaps he shouldn’t be so hard on you, for tonight. His arm hangs down and he shoves your shoulder, starting you awake. “Cmon. Now” is all he says. He pays the mattress beside him I. A sleepy manner before rolling back over. “Don’t make me regret this”. He mumbles. It takes you a second to realise what he said and you jump to your feet. You knew Dean wanted you up bright and early but with the broken sleep you were having, that plan was going to change. You gently slide yourself into the mattress, trying not to disturb Dean. The soft foam supported your back and the pillow under your head was the perfect fineness. Your eyes shut almost immediately, exhaustion overriding you as you fall into a deep sleep. Hours had gone by and both you and Dean had slept in. It was now 10:30 am and neither of you had woken up. The sun beams on your skin, the sound of birds chirped outside.

The second you had placed your head on that mattress you had the sounded sleep Ever. In fact possible too good- Dean was first to wake his eyes slowly blinking open. But he couldn’t move. Sleepily he looks down and it takes a moment before he freezes in place. Your head on his chest. You were sleeping in a ball snuggled tightly into Dean, peacefully sleeping on his chest and one hand over his chest. Drool escapes your lips and trickles onto this shirt. You looked…peaceful. Deans eyes widened. What the hell would he do now?

(Stay Tuned For Part Two…Coming Soon)

[danikamariewrites]

hello! I just read the Cassian taking care of the reader who has depression and it made my day so much better! Can you please write a similar one with Azriel as well? 💕

Let Me Be Your Sunshine

Azriel x reader

Warnings: mental heath struggles and depression

You woke up late, again. This was the third day in a row that you slept in. Usually if you sleep in Azriel wakes you up when it’s still morning, but it’s afternoon now.

You did need to catch up on your sleep though. After two weeks of waking up early and going to sleep at ungodly hours you were exhausted.

Padding into the bathroom you look at yourself in the mirror, rubbing at your face. Your hair was in knots, you’d been too lazy to brush them out so you had just been throwing your hair up. And the bags under your eyes were deep purple they were almost black.

Letting out a long sigh you lean over to rest your head on the cool marble counter. It was time to admit that things were bad. Your depression was clearly back with a vengeance. Hell, you couldn’t even lift your arms to brush your hair.

You needed Azriel. He always knows what to do.

Exiting the bedroom you set out to find Azriel. You found him sitting in the living room perched on his favorite arm chair reading. “Az,” you croaked out. As soon as he laid eyes on you he was rushing over to you, pulling you into a tight embrace.

Your eyes slid shut as you pushed into his chest soaking up his warmth. Az was so comfortable you just wanted to stay in his arms forever.

He tried to run his fingers through your hair but hit a knot. Picking up strands of your hair to inspect it you heard his heart beat increase slightly. Azriel pulls away from you, your eyes opening, cupping your face in his hands to inspect you.

A sad look crept onto his face when he saw how tired you were. “Oh, baby,” he said softly. Rubbing his thumb across your cheeks. Your eyes fluttered closed again at the feeling of his fingers. “I’m tired Az. I’m so, so tired.”

Azriel picked you up, resting your head on his shoulder, carrying you back to the bedroom. “I know baby. I got you, it’s ok.” He sets you down on the bed, grabbing your hair brush and sitting behind you. Azriel was gentle when it came to detangling your hair. He never pulled like you did.

Once he was done, he braided your hair in a loose plait making sure the hair tie wasn’t too tight either. Azriel kissed the back of your head, whisper, “Do you want something to eat?” You nod slowly nod.

“Let’s get you changed first. Getting dressed might make you feel a little better.” You nod again giving Az a weak smile. Az picked out a sweater and comfy pants for you. After he helps you change you cling to him again. Picking you up he takes you down to the kitchen.

Placing you on the counter he places a soft kiss on the tip of your nose. “What would you like?” You shrug because honestly you could eat anything right now. “Soup? Or something more filling?” You shook your head, “Soup and some bread would be good.” Your voice comes out small as your eyes meet his.

Azriel gives you a sad smile and moves away to make you your soup. He decides to make two bowls so he can eat with you. Azriel knows you’ll feel bad if it’s just you eating and he doesn’t want to give you something else to spiral about.

You two eat in silence. You brain the bowl and seem more awake than you did earlier. That makes Azriel relax a little bit. It’s good that you’re eating, you need to keep your strength up. To give yourself something to do you pick up both bowls, bringing them over to the sink to wash them.

Padding back over to Azriel you slide onto his lap, curling into him. “Do you wanna talk about it?” “Yeah. I need to or it’s going to eat me up and I don’t want to get that bad again.” You sigh out through your nose. “I’m here for you, y/n.” He says against your hair.

So you begin to tell Azriel everything. Your current worries, your anxiety, and anything else bothering you. And he listened to every single word while holding onto you tightly.

tags: @nyotamalfoy @auggiesolovey @bubybubsters @baybay123455 @msiecrane @aroseinvelaris @twsssmlmaa

[byler-4-life]

I apologize in advance for this monstrosity of a post. But I have to get a point across here. Like...either Byler is endgame and is going to happen, or Will Byers is going to go down as one of the most tragic TV Show characters of all time.

Sounds a little like hyperbole, no? Well, let's just recap. This starts when Will is 12. Just 12 years old. This adorable, sweet, little, innocent bean here. Just keep in mind these pictures for future reference:

He's kidnapped by an interdimensional monster and forced into a dark, cold, lonely place all by himself. He's stuck in another dimension for a whole week, trying desperately to get out, wondering if anyone is going to save him, all while constantly fearing for his life. Alas, the demogorgon did get to him:

And, even after he was rescued, he was still puking up slugs:

All this is from S1. Enough trauma to last several lifetimes. But wait, there's more.

Apparently Will hadn't suffered enough, so they had the Mindflayer set its sights on him. And well, we all know S2 didn't turn out the best for this now 13 year old boy.

And if the mental pain and anguish and loss of innocence of having your body forcefully entered against your will isn't enough, they decided to heap on some intense physical suffering as well:

And to end the series, you have to have the monster literally burned out of you by your own mother while you're tied down to a bed.

Surely our boy has had enough right? Wrong. On to Season 3. 14 year old Will is mostly sidelined this Season, but he's present enough to get ignored by his friends and put down by his best friend for his "childish" interests, a fact that hurts Will so bad he breaks down and calls himself stupid before resorting to demolishing his childhood fortress. The same haven of safety that helped to save his life in the Upside Down. He's then forced to pack up and move from the only home he's ever known, severing all his friendship ties, such as they were.

Well at least they're gonna fix stuff in Season 4. So here we go, and...what? Excuse me....hmmm...okay. So I've just gotten word they in fact did NOT fix things in Season 4. We have Will, now 15 (or maybe actually still 14 since the Duffers apparently FORGOT HIS BIRTHDAY) so happy to see Mike at the airport for the first time since leaving town, get his hug physically rejected (when Mike has no problem hugging anyone else this series). He's then forced to third wheel and watch his best friend/love of his life have fun with his step-sister. He then LIES TO MIKE (something we have seasons of evidence that Will hates to do) in order to project his own feelings for Mike onto El because that's what he thinks Mike needs to hear. And he's then forced to help Mike "confess" his "love" for El as he stands there and hears Mike say that his life didn't really begin until the day Will disappeared?

Guys, even if you don't ship Byler, you have to admit....this is a pretty fucked up life in the span of 3-4 years. My point in posting all of this (and actually depressing the hell out of myself as I looked for all the screenshots) is if they really leave him like this, and Season 5 doesn't turn things around for Will...or maybe even somehow gets worse and they either kill him off, or force him to stand there and fake a smile while Mike and El live happily ever after....well then fuck this show.

They introduced us to this sweet innocent kid, made us all fall in love with his character, then treated him like their personal punching bag for four seasons. If they aren't planning on giving him a happy ending, that's just downright sadistic. After everything Will has gone through, they're going to make him a gay kid in the 80s living in smalltown Indiana in middle America, with an unrequited love for his childhood best friend? A fact that makes him feel "different" and like he's a "mistake"? Overkill for the sake of overkill. Trauma p*rn. And that's just the suffering they've shown us onscreen. Just think of how many nights laying in bed alone Will has had these thoughts about himself. Or desperately wishing that Mike felt the same way, even though he "knows" it's hopeless. Truly tragic.

Yes, other beloved characters in this show have been traumatized too, yes. But they've also all had sustained happy moments that the show has shown us on screen (for characters that were around for more than one season). Every time Will seemingly gets an ounce of happiness it's violently snatched away.

I refuse to believe that the show doesn't want to give Will a happy ending. There has to be a reason for his suffering. And yes, I think Byler is the only satisfactory happy ending. And that's not my choice, that was the choice of the showrunners. They made being in love with Mike his whole character in S4. Gay pining at its finest. Trying to intro a new love interest at the last minute isn't going to cut it. I'm not going full delusional like before. But I do believe that S5 Byler has a good chance of happening. Otherwise...it kind of taints the whole experience.

[electrozeistyking]

I am so incredibly curious about N and Uzi before…. N had to kill her…

What was life like as a married drone couple? How did they do their wedding? How awkward was the conversation about having a kid?

I’m also curious about V in this AU, what are her thoughts on all that’s going on… N killing Uzi, N having a kid, N being fricken’ depressed… She was a broken individual in the canon, is she still just as broken here? Has she healed from all that the solver’s but her through?

sorry for the many questions, but as an obsessive individual you have crafted the perfect thing for me to obsess over and i am dying for more content lol.

p.s. are there more fics to come? Ik ya only have the one prologue rn, are more chapters on their way?

Hey, no need to apologize for being curious! I quite like the amount of questions! Tells me you're interested in the AU, y'know? Anyway, let me dig up some old notes!

These aren't the full notes, though. A lot was cut, especially if they involved spoilers and/or if they made this go on for too long.

Everything was as fine as it could possibly be on this frozen, toxic exoplanet. Hell, this stretch of fine-ness went on long enough that one of them decided to propose to the other.

And by one of them, I mean Uzi. 

This is based on some observations (aka the hand holding thing in Episode 6), but N was a major fucking dork when V asked him if he was thinking about proposing to Uzi — y’know, saying things like “I don’t know if I should” and “maybe she doesn’t want to go that far” and “maybe we’re fine as is?”

Then meanwhile Uzi’s been drawing up plans on how the hell she’s going to propose to this tall ass robot.

In the end, she kinda threw it all to the wind and decided to do so with no big events or plans or anything. She kinda panicked, though, so she said “Do you wanna marry me?” instead of “Will you marry me?”

N nearly short-circuited trying to say yes. He was kind of having a “Oh my goodness, this is happening????” moment and a “OH SHE DOES WANT TO GO THAT FAR” moment at the exact same time, so something may have literally sparked.

[...] there was a funny period of time where the duo kept very suddenly realizing they’re married, like it didn’t actually sink in until that moment. 

In fact, N exclaimed “oh my goodness” and leaned against something every time it occurred to him.

Unfortunately, the good fluffy times couldn’t last forever. 

You see, one way or another, our beloved robotic dorks somehow found themselves on the topic of having a kid. The conversation itself was fine, if slightly awkward at first (what with N being unsure he’d be good at parenting, anyway). However, just as they reached the peak of “hey, would they be more disassembler or more worker” jokes, Uzi started coughing. 

Which is not normal for any kind of drone. Unless they accidentally swallow something wrong, or if the air’s a bit too thick for whatever reason, drones don’t cough for seemingly no reason. And yet, despite how odd it was, both of them tried to brush it off.

In a brilliant moment of jumping to conclusions (even if they’re the right ones), Uzi realized that The Solver was trying to take over her body.

In a panic, N tried to help any way he could, but felt like he was doing nothing in the process. Uzi just kept getting worse, and every time they landed up empty-handed, the thought he was failing her stung even more. 

V tried to help as well, out of fear over what that thing would do if It took over (and because she did think of Uzi as a friend, even if she’d never admit it to her face).

When The Solver started hijacking her body during one such search to find a way to stop It, Uzi realized it was all over for her. 

Whatever this thing was — whatever It wanted — wasn’t good. And so, in a moment of desperation and panic, she came up with a plan to destroy It. Hopefully, if everything worked in their favour, It’d be gone once and for all.

Of course, its success banked on N’s cooperation. Since V split off from the duo this time, he was the only disassembly drone who could possibly carry it out. Predictably, he tried to decline at first, seeing as the plan was to kill Uzi and destroy her core.

However, when Uzi explained that this was the only way to get rid of this fucking thing, N reluctantly agreed. Despite being incredibly painful, he brought out his laser gun (which is what I think it is, shut up) and the couple had one last heartfelt goodbye.

But then, just as N went to shoot her, the laser turned an awful shade red he’s never seen before and started malfunctioning — something that’s supposed to rarely ever happen. N panicked, calling out Uzi’s name... right before the weapon exploded.

V felt the vibrations of the explosion from where she stood and immediately rushed to N and Uzi’s location. She assumed that something went wrong, but what she saw was not what she expected.

Uzi was dead. 

There was a Fatal Error message on her visor, as clear as day. She was in multiple pieces, with a hole in her chest right where her core was supposed to be — having most likely imploded, thanks in part to The AbsoluteSolver’s weirdness.

While N was alive, his body was in rough shape. He’d been split in two due to the blast, and his chest had been cracked wide open. Judging from how dark smoke billowed from where one of his hands should’ve been, something had gone completely wrong. 

But how? There was a very small chance their weapons could malfunction, and yet... what the fuck happened?

V chose not to dwell on it too long. N’s body wasn’t regenerating on its own fast enough for some reason, and he was losing a shit ton of oil at an alarming rate. 

Fuelled by pure adrenaline, V somehow managed to carry both of N’s halves and all of Uzi’s pieces back to the Outpost.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

I know that everyone expects Crowley to be super depressed and suicidal and doing nothing at the start of S3 but like. I really hope they DON'T do that and use this to showcase Growth and some of my favorite things about Book Crowley. He loves life and creation!! He's an optimist! In the book he thinks Aziraphale is dead and the forces of Hell are hunting him and the world is ending but he still chooses to drive to Tadfield without any angelic intervention! He's still going to try! He loves humanity too much to give up on them even at his lowest- thats an essential point to him. And TV Crowley knows they're planning another Apocalypse. I have faith in Crowley. Crossing my fingers that it isn't misplaced because I want to see it.

i agree with you 100% nonnie✨ this is - whether he admits it or not at least in the show - the core of crowley's character and it would be a shame if he were portrayed as otherwise. given that s3 is going to be more in line with what terry and neil had planned for a book sequel, i think we can rest assured that he will be characterised in the way he was in the original book!!!

i mean, it'd be strange if he weren't sad... but i don't want to see it be his only manner of expression. i want rage, and numbness, and single-minded determination to Carry On. i want the hard shell he has around his heart to callous and toughen even further, i want him to be practically impenetrable because that would feel the most authentic reaction to the ep6 scene... and it layered underneath swagger and cockiness and confidence that we have also seen from him, but like a thousand-fold.

i want to see him hate aziraphale, because he doesn't know how else he can tolerate what happened. i know that's possibly controversial, but i do - i want him to see aziraphale as the Enemy to his side, formerly Their Side. i want him to think that aziraphale has fully regressed to the devout angel he used to be, and villify him because he can't reconcile that the image of him he had in his head is the same angel that chose to go back. this isn't to make crowley seem like the bad guy - i want the same reflection from aziraphale, too!

but then out of that i want crowley to take the opportunity to look at why he rejected heaven in that scene, and by extension aziraphale. why does this part of aziraphale, this constant need to do good and do the right thing (by his account) scare him? why did he interpret what aziraphale was saying in the way he did? why does he feel he doesn't need, want, or deserve to help build a better heaven? why does he feel the constant need to run? we have our speculations but im so excited to see his introspection and possibly discover that actually, he's allowed to be angry and hurt, but he's allowed equally to be vulnerable and to heal.

crowley has his own brand of bravery. to my mind, it's not the same bravery as aziraphale's, which despite being a bit jittery and trepidatious, is deep and fervent... crowley's is impulsive and instinctive, afraid to fly but will leap off and dive with little regard for the consequences given a push. aziraphale is usually that push, but i would love to see crowley find it just for himself, because he deserves to fight for himself as well as aziraphale and the rest of humanity✨

[glitterandmoondustofficial]

Side To Side

Chapter 249: The Breath Before The Plunge

Notes:

Characters: Ruby, Law Rating: Teen Warnings: Language Notes: 🫣 Anyway life has been, um, turned upside down for me. I’ve been dealing with new pets, the death of a pet and the grief from it, and depression from the economy and worrying about money. It was hard to write Side To Side because it’s sad right now 🤣. But don’t worry now that we’re actually getting to the chapters where Law is on Dressrosa the chapters will more than likely happen on a better schedule. Thank you to everyone who is still reading this. I really appreciate it.

Ruby groaned as she woke. The sun shone brightly through the window and onto her face. She had a splitting headache and felt nauseous.

“Fuck,” she hissed out and curled into the fetal position. “What in the goddamn,” she groaned.

At least she had the day off.

It was a national holiday that day. One of the most important holidays in fact. Maria had excitedly told her about the day and the all day celebration. Food! Drinks! Music! Dancing! It was a day for fun and joy!

Ruby almost gagged at the idea of celebrating that. It was absolutely Law’s influence. It was his irritated frown and the crease in his brow when he was pissed. She couldn’t help but leech his annoyance off of him despite him being hundreds of miles away.

But she also hated them. She hated what they had done to Law and she hated that such a union was celebrated.

The wedding anniversary of King Doflamingo and Queen Lucia.

How utterly disgusting.

Ruby knew that her and Law’s relationship wasn’t perfect or amazing or sweet or…well anything particularly normal, but! their relationship was definitely better than Doflamingo’s. Absolutely. Completely.

Yeah.

Ruby literally rolled out of bed. She laid on the shitty carpet, her cheek pressed onto the floor. She let out a very loud groan, one that Law would definitely express his annoyance at. She could practically hear his scoff and beration.

Act like an adult. She could hear him say.

She huffed, getting annoyed at him for being annoyed at her in this fake scenario where he was with her in that moment instead of on Punk Hazard doing god knows what with that Caesar Clown.

She wouldn’t know of course. She hasn’t spoken to him in over a month.

A whole goddamn month.

Not a sentence or word or even a strained breath as she tried not to cry.

Nope. Nothing.

Because they needed to be “safe”. They needed to be “quiet”. They needed to be “discreet”.

Which was, of course, the correct path. Law was right. She hated admitting to him that he was right. The smug bastard and his ego that she unfortunately found quite hot and attractive and she definitely wanted to kiss his stupid lips.

“UUUUGHHHHHH,” she let out an incredibly loud groan and slammed her hands on the cheap carpet that smelled of cigarettes. “I’m so annoyed at him!”

She had moved on from severe depression to absolute fury.

Anger at Doflamingo. Anger at Corazón. Anger at Law. Anger at herself. Why in all of the layers of hell did she decide to do this? To leave her nakama and safety? To come to this damn island that was so happy and joyous and thrilling. Where the people were so kind as long as you didn't cheat on them.

And sure the toys were creepy but…she supposed they weren’t so bad.

And it was nice and sunny most of the time. Wonderful weather, actually. Maria had dragged her to many outdoor parties and to clubs that had a dance floor on roofs. Ruby usually felt so guilty about going to these things when she needed to be laying low that she barely had fun.

When had she become such a drag? She would have lived for this type of island in her early twenties. She would have partied all night, drank all night, probably found some random person and slept with them for a portion of the night!

Oh, she was so angry. So, so angry.

She didn’t want this island destroyed. She wanted Law to drop this whole scheme and leave this island alone. These people didn’t deserve this island destroyed because Doflamingo was an awful, terrible, shitty person.

If he would just see what she saw, if he would just feel what she felt, he would understand. He couldn’t be so wrapped up in his revenge that he would hurt…

Oh, fuck her, of course he would hurt people. He was a pirate and not a good person. His epithet was The Surgeon of Death.

And it’s not that she was an angel either. She’s hurt people. She’s killed people. But…

She’s changed! The Heart Pirates changed her. Her wonderful crew, who were full of somewhat kind people! Right?

Well, no, that’s not true is it?

They were pirates.

They hurt people.

They weren’t just having fun on the sea, were they? Sure they weren’t raping and pillaging, but, damn, they weren’t really great people. Goofy? Funny? Having fun? Sure!

But, no, they were pirates.

Had Ruby grown tired of pirating? Had she began to resent the sea, her home? She loved Law, she loved her crew, but she was tired.

She placed her palms on the ground and lifted herself up. She sat cross legged on the ground, her bare back cracking as she leaned forward. She sat down, in her grey sweat shorts, and sighed.

“Guess I’ll take something for the headache and eat breakfast,” she mumbled like she had a hangover despite not having one.

She stood up and started to get ready for the day. She threw on a camisole and slipped on fuzzy slippers. She threw her long hair up in a bun and then brushed her teeth in her tiny bathroom.

She had finished her yogurt and was sipping her fucking terrible coffee when she heard a loud cheer from outside. She walked to the window and stared out of it.

There was a parade.

Floats, balloons, clowns, dancers, confetti, food. It was so very bright and joyful. And fun, she supposed. Not for her, of course. She was bitter and hated Doflamingo and Lucia. They were terrible, evil people.

She sighed and started to walk away from the window when the largest float caught her eye. Her breath hitched and she hid behind the curtain.

“Shit,” she hissed. “What a fucking dumbass move, Ruby.”

Of course Doflamingo would be on the float celebrating him. She peered through the curtain and saw the obnoxiously pink feather coat. Her heart sped up and her stomach clenched in anxiety. If he saw her…

She looked over the float and blinked when she saw a tall woman in an elegant dress. Ruby did her best to get a clearer view of her without showing herself.

That was Lucia.

She was tan. She had long black hair. She was very tall. Not as tall as Doflamingo but still quite tall.

She looked quiet and serene. Like the celebration meant nothing to her. Ruby wondered if it was because she didn’t want to be around the citizens, not enjoying being around those beneath her station. Royalty tended to be like that.

But she was quite beautiful. At least from what Ruby could see.

Then again Ruby’s boyfriend was also tall, tan, and had black hair. Ruby wondered what Lucia’s eye color was but wouldn’t dare leave her flat to find out.

She huffed and closed the curtain. She was no longer interested in seeing a celebratory parade and had definitely cut it too close by watching what little she had.

She placed her mug in the sink and filled it with water. She let out a long sigh before placing her hands on her hips. Once the parade was over she would…what would she do?

Perhaps she would go to a restaurant. She knew there was no way she could grocery shop. It was her fault for being an idiot and not buying groceries before she ran out of food.

There would be plenty of events to keep her busy, a ton of food, but she probably shouldn’t leave the flat. If the Family was out today, then she could be caught. She was sure that they would recognize her. If she had been just some random pirate then they wouldn’t have cared, but she was a pirate on Law’s crew.

She was a pirate on Law’s crew, who had a bounty, and who also destroyed a slave trade that Doflamingo had owned. She also killed Knotely but she doubted Doflamingo cared about him.

At best, Ruby was an annoyance. At worst, and this one was probably closest to the truth, she was a weakness for Law and would be used against him.

She sighed and walked to the bed and collapsed on it. She would stay in and read the new romance books she bought the other day. She would make a cheap meal with the rest of the rice and some seasoning that she had. She would stay safe, she would stay hidden, and she would stay quiet.

Ruby sat on the bed as she reached the end of her second novel. The sun was setting in the distance, turning the sky all sorts of pretty colors. The celebration was still going strong. Cheers and music and happy people.

She sighed and closed the book. She laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

“This sucks,” she said. “Really fucking sucks.” She laid on her side and looked out of the window. “Maybe I’ll just fall asleep. I have some sedatives left.” She reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the bag of pills when there was a knock on the door.

Her skin pricked in fright as she stared at the bag of pills. Who was at her door? Was it Doflamingo? Was it Maria? Did Law somehow make it Dressrosa and completely ignored the plan they had set up for their meeting!

Ruby got out of bed, her heart racing. She walked to the door, her hands shaking as she looked out the peephole. She immediately relaxed.

She opened the door and smiled at her neighbor.

“Julia,” she greeted. “How can I help you?”

“Ah!” The very small older woman grinned. “I came by to give you this!” She shoved a paper plate covered in foil into Ruby’s hands. “I know how hard it is to enjoy celebrations when you’re grieving. I thought that since you may not want to enjoy the parties today that I might bring you something to have a…private celebration.”

“Oh,” Ruby said, her throat squeezing as she tried not to cry. “Thank you. This is…this is very kind of you,” she said.

“You’re welcome,” she said and turned. “Have a great rest of your evening.”

Ruby closed the door and breathed. She smelled the garlic in the dish and her mouth watered. Rice really wasn’t enough to sustain her. She stood at the counter eating her chicken with such energy that she was certain that Julia had put some sort of magic in it.

After she finished the food she took a shower. She washed her face, brushed her teeth, brushed her hair. She laid on the bed in her grey shorts, stretching her arms and breathing.

She laid back onto the pillows and closed her eyes. The food that she was giving had settled into her stomach and she felt good enough that she would fall asleep.

And she almost had.

She had begun to drift off when her den den mushi rang. She blinked open her eyes and stared at it.

“Why is he calling?” She muttered.

She reached for the snail on her nightstand and took in a breath.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Ruby,” Law’s hushed voice said. “Are you alone?”

Ruby swallowed. “Yeah,” she breathed. “Are you?”

“…somewhat.”

Her brows scrunched together and she stared at the snail. “What does that mean?”

“I left Punk Hazard,” he said and took in a shaky breath. Ruby knew that breath.

“Why are you hurt?” She asked.

“That’s not important,” he said. “I’m on my way to Dressrosa,” he said. “With…allies.”

“Allies?” She questioned. “Who?”

Law was silent for a moment. “The Straw Hats.”

“The who?!” Ruby shot out of bed.

“Pipe down,” he hissed. “It’s a long story,” he sighed. “One that I’m too tired to go into right now,” he huffed and then a small hiss came from his mouth in pain.

“Law,” she said softly. “You’re in pain.”

“I’ll be fine,” he croaked. “I can handle this.” He sighed. “I’ll be there in about three days, according to Nami-ya,” he said. “I’ll meet you at the port we discussed.”

“Okay,” she said, her heart leaping out of her chest. “I-I…I missed your voice,” she admitted. “I missed you.”

He sighed. He didn’t respond for some silent moments. “I missed you, too,” he whispered. “I won’t speak to you again until I’m there. So continue to lay low until I do.”

“I will,” she said with a nod. “Get some sleep, Law, you sound like you need it.”

“I do,” he said with a half chuckle. “Ruby,” he breathed. “I love you. I hope you understand that. I love you more than…” he trailed off. “Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ll be there soon. Good night.”

He hung up.

Ruby stared at the snail and heard the dial tone through the speaker. She swallowed and let out a breath.

“I love you, too.”

[kob131]

I dunno why I’m doing this at 2 AM but fuck it. You guys get to deal with it on main.

To the people saying that RWBY handled suicide poorly, I better see you decrying Gurren Lagann’s depiction of depression/suicide yesterday.

So, from what I can gather, people’s issues with how the Ruby-Tree plotline is-

1. It ‘trivializes’ suicide by having Ruby come back from it.

2. Made the rest of RWBY look uncaring

and 3. Resolved Ruby’s depression too quickly.

However, I find that when holding these examples up as universial signs of a bad depression/suicide arc, people should be bashing Gurren Lagann., specifically episodes 9-11 (the aftermath of Kamina’s death).

1. While it is true that Simon doesn’t commit suicide in this arc...that is very much the undertone of what is happening. Simon is throwing himself into combat constantly, talking about living up to Kamina all while Lagann is shown to be losing power as Simon fights. The thing is- Spiral Power is basically the will to live and thrive. It’s the energy of evolution made manifest. If Simon is throwing himself into combat while losing the will to live and thrive-

You can basically see it as Simon attempting suicide out of guilt.

Yet Simon recovers from this just like Ruby does. In basically the same fashion with the same themes and the same arc. Yet no one complains.

2. This is were the arguments starts looking REALLY bad for Gurren Lagann.

Weiss and Blake both tried to cheer up Ruby when it was evident that she wasn’t feeling well, with Blake trying to cheer Ruby up after her outburst in the Paper Pleaser’s village. And Yang tries no less than twice to help her sister, once after Ruby regains consciousness and once after her outburst after meeting up with Jaune again.

This is three more attempts to help Ruby than Team Dai Gurren tried helping Simon after Kamina died.

I’m not joking. If you go through Episodes 9, 10 and 11- You will not find a single moment where a member of Team Dai Gurren tries to comfort or talk with Simon. The most you will get is Kiyoh scolding Kittan for saying Simon caused Kamina’s death and throwing that in Simon’s face. You will find them showing more concern for Nia, someone who they’ve all just met, than the brother of their beloved leader who watched as the closest thing he had to family die.

Oh, remember when people got onto Jaune’s case for throwing Ruby’s failures back at her? Yeah, Kittan did the exact same thing but worse...and unlike Jaune, never admits he was wrong for doing so. He even tries bossing Simon around to interrogate Nia, who has done more for him in like...a day than Kittan has done since Kamina died.

I mean, Rossiu tries to help. But both times he shows concern for Simon, someone from Team Dai Gurren stop him from helping. One is Yoko, who above everyone else should know Simon needs help but does nothing for him until arguable the end. And the other is Leeron, who outright says that Lagann is right for not helping Simon if he lost the will to survive (more suicide parallels...) with the implication that they’re also right in doing so.

And they both end the same way- with the parties showing gratitude and happiness at the hero’s return. ... Except in Gurren Lagann’s case, Yoko takes this moment to take a jab at Simon’s emotional speech. Which should be seen as massively insensitive and also very fucked up of Yoko given the circumstances of Simon’s recovery.

There is no way to escape this. If what WBY and Jaune did was some horrible crime that makes the show disgusting then Team Dai Gurren’s actions are beyond horrible and Gurren Lagann is beyond disgusting.

Yet no one complains.

3. The argument is that you can’t get over depression that quickly and resolve it therefore Ruby’s big return is a spit in the face.

... The framing, plot beats, execution, musical choices and even themes are all almost exactly the same in Gurren Lagann. It’s the same trope, using the same methods, following the same themes- It’s the same. Damn. Story.

Hell, even the argument that it makes no sense for Ruby to just get over inadequacies because of a story about Summer applies to Simon because it’s implied HE recovered from Yoko’s story about Kamina. It’s actually worse in Gurren Lagann because unlike with the Blacksmith in RWBY, Yoko knows what the problem is, is around for the whole arc and personally knows Simon. And yet she never brings this story up beforehand? Even as Simon gives his side of the same fucking story and just sits there looking sad?

By this logic, the ENTIRETY of Gurren Lagann should just be one massive failure because the anime is DEPENDANT on this scene working (as everything before it was just working up to this point and everything after is built on it).

And yet.

No one.

Complains.

And I know what some of you are thinking.

‘Well, it works in Gurren Lagann because that anime’s good and RWBY bad!’

Well, quality doesn’t work that way. Writing doesn’t become good because it’s in a show labeled ‘good’- a show is good because the writing is good. 

You also can’t apply different standards and arguments for different pieces of media. If X depicts suicide and depression badly then ALL depictions of suicide and depression like X’s is bad.

And as someone who loves Gurren Lagann more than RWBY- it should be considered worse than RWBY. The differences between them are either semantics (giving up on life is basically suicide) or make Gurren Lagann worse (Team Dai Gurren’s, especially Yoko and Kittan’s actions).

I know that this isn’t the case since I know what Gurren Lagann is going for: that Simon had to stand back up by himself to get that catharsis. That Team Dai Gurren were meant to be wrong but still human in their actions and that Simon’s instant recovery is meant to be glorious return by the true hero of the story as he asserts his development and his lessons.

But the same analytical skills tell me that RWBY’s depiction is also not offensive or even bad. So if I’m wrong on RWBY, I have to be wrong on Gurren Lagann.

So you better either start bashing Gurren Lagann and it’s depiction Simon. (Which is basically paint a giant target on your back) or shut it about RWBY.

[dearweirdme]

Honestly everybody can try to explain everything we have all witnessed this past few weeks away by calling it media play or cosplay but realistically speaking, I REALLY DON’T BELIEVE TAE AND JK ARE DATING.

You can say maybe Jk is intentionally not mentioning Tae or maybe the company is forcing him not to or maybe he doesn’t see the need to and maybe in some weird way, all these might make sense but you know what will NEVER make sense? Seeing how happy Jk looked after the whole Taennie fiasco. Let’s face it, in a majority of Jk Lives starting February, he looked a mess! He was incessantly drinking on his Lives, falling asleep, getting emotional on Lives and many pple were worried about him but on that Live he did immediately after that Taennie scandal, that was the happiest i have seen Jk in a while! I know that if the whole thing is a sham like many pple believe it is, Jk would know and it wouldn’t affect him yes but he also won’t look that happy knowing that the whole world thinks his boyfriend is dating someone else! Say what you want but it just ISN’T possible talkless for someone like Jk who is possesive as hell! In his last two lives, he never looked happier honestly and while i was happy seeing him like that, my Taekook heart broke a lil bit. I wasn’t hoping he would be sad or depressed or anything but I didn’t think he would look so happy and giddy either. And it certainly didn’t help how obviously happy he looked whenever he spoke about Jimin. I don’t expect him to speak about Tae everyday but there was a clear difference in his expressions when he spoke about Jimin and when he spoke about other members or other people. I feel like all this while, i’ve been selfishing kinda projecting my wishes on Teakook and kinda ignoring the obvious because i wanted them to be real so bad but in hindsight, i think i do see what Jikookers see and have been saying all along. There is just something different about the way Jk reacts to Jimin. I had to force myself to watch the Live he did to promote/support Jimin’s album and honestly I don’t think i’ve ever seen Jk react like that to Tae or anyone else. He loves his Taehyung hyung very much but i think we might have misunderstood alot of things and it breaks my heart to even admit this but it’s how i feel. Taekook were like a safe place for me and i really love and admire their bond and friendship and maybe somehow i started wishing they were more not necessarily cuz i saw anything sus but cuz that is what i wanted for them but maybe all it is, is just really a friendship. After those taennie pics dropped last year, a part of me believed they could be real but i guess i forced myself to thinking they were not but after the Paris video, I don’t want to continue lying to myself anymore. I still had a little shred of hope as i was waiting to see Jk mood but once again, i was kinda disappointed. Well i really do love Tae and Jk together and individually and from here on out i’ll support them individually but personally, i’m done with this whole shipping business. If Tae is really with Jennie, i’ll be happy for him and i’ll support him wholeheartedly. Same with Jk! I don’t know who he is with but i wish him the best.

I think it’s important that we taekookers actually start looking at things from a more realistic standpoint, rather than through the lens of theories and narratives. Sometimes the real answer is the simplest one. Like one anon said, if Taekook are a real couple, then I don’t understand their game plan cuz while Tae keeps mentioning Jk, Jk keeps mentioning Jimin and it really doesn’t look good. I know that him and Jimin are best friends but let’s face it, Jk is clearly kinda obsessed with mentioning or speaking about Jimin and almost everyone sees it. I know that Jk doesn’t have it in him to pretend and that is why I don’t pay attention to pple who claim he does it cuz he has to. No. I think it’s clear that he does it cuz he enjoys talking about Jimin. Its also not just that he talks about Jimin, it is how he talks about Jimin. He has spoken about Tae too on Lives but let’s face it, it was rarely ever more than a few sentences but we have him narrating whole stories about Jimin, making references to Jimin, watching Jimin on shows, while looking so endeared and we again know that Jk doesn’t concentrate on things he doesn’t like, so him sitting there doing all these extra stuff for Jimin is cuz he wants to. Other members have come out with albums but he barely mentioned them. Even when Tae’s solo songs came out years ago, he barely sang them or spoke about them but he has sang every single one of Jimin solo songs. Every single one. Even the way he hypes Jimin up is just different. He really doesn’t act like that with any other member. Again, yes i know Jimin is his bestfriend but don’t you think he would atleast want to do some of these things too for Tae? I read a post on Reddit and it made alot of sense. Jk had always been partial to Jimin right from the beginning but i think we just collectively ignored it and highlighted the things he did for Tae but comparatively, he always did or does the most special and unique things for Jimin. I don’t know what they are both thinking but i’m honest enough to admit that Jk obviously loves talking about Jimin and he obviously isn’t affected in the least way by the whole Taennie situation. I don’t know Tae personally but i’ve been a fan of his long enough to know that he definitely wouldn’t agree to doing anything that would intentionally mislead people. I know he had agency and autonomy and won’t let the company use him for whatever dirty game they want to play and that is why i really don’t think the Paris video was media play. It would make no sense for him to agree to the media play, yet continues to give his fans and supporters the impression that he and Jk are together. Also sometimes, when you look at the boys’ relationship with Bang PD, it’s hard to think they have such a good relationship where they can openly Joke and laugh about his pot sized belly and he even cooks for them and has one on one dinner outings with them, all while treating them like puns in some game or like puppets! I’m sorry but i just don’t see it. I know that Hybe might be nasty as hell but i also believe that BTS members have agency! They have autonomy! They are stake holders for crying out loud. Do you honestly believe that these same pple, and Tae for that matter (who is a known rebel) will allow the company use them like that? Realistically? I’m sorry but i just don’t think so.

Hi anon!

I never much appreciate people saying things like: ‘we taekookers’. I am very capable of thinking for myself. You are sounding a bit condescending here. This is how you are feeling right now, but it is not how I am feeling and I don’t tend to think I am wrong just because someone else is telling me that I am.

Your reaction to this whole situation is exactly why pr-stunts are still a thing. They work. You had been thinking Tae and Jk were real, bit now you don’t because of things that have been put in your way. The whole purpose is to make people believe Jk and Tae are just friends.

I also don’t share your sentiment of ‘wanting to believe in a ship’. I’d be fine if they weren’t. It would even mean that there has been less hardship in their lives. I just think that they are in a relationship, because of things I’ve observed. I can already sense that you are going to walk straight over to being a Jikook shipper. So maybe think about why you need a ship in your live. And I’m not saying that because I want to be mean, but just.. it isn’t necessary to have a ship in your live. And you walking straight from one to another, feels like you are wanting to fill a void.

Jk being unhappy/a mess in his lives. I don’t agree with your assessment of that and especially not with your reasoning. You now think that obviously Taekook cannot be real, so having stated that… what do you think the reason for his sadness was in those lives? I don’t connect that to Tae, you are the one connecting Jk’s lives to his relationship with Tae. I think Jk was sometimes emotional because it’s a weird time in their lives. They have to say goodbye to an important time in their careers and they have to say goodbye to other members. I think saying goodbye to Jin was extremely hard to Jk and it was possible the moment it sinked in that.. yes things are changing. Now that it’s happening Jk has gotten time to process and probably feels better. Not every bit of sadness or happiness comes from relationships. Jk took very long to do a live after the Paris footage dropped. Again.. time to process.

So, farewell anon.

[essentiallykpopandbl]

I kind of just sat silently after watching the episodes of To My Star 2 today. I was crying, in awe, and digesting what had just happened in the show. Then i had to work. And now i have a lot that I need to say about it. So strap in, this will get long.

I see a lot of people being angry over Jiwoo and his choices. I will admit, I have wanted to smack him once or twice for how harsh he is toward Seojoon. But I want to talk about the importance of a character like Han Jiwoo being portrayed on screen. This man has a lot of self worth, self love, and trust issues. And I mean LOTS of them. These are a lot of the same issues many people struggle with. Am I enough? Do I deserve love? Why does this person love me? How do I love them back? Will this end painfully? How do I make this hurt less? And all of them are valid questions and issues. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve Seojoon, or that he isn't enough, but it is ok for him to have those questions. It is part of life, it's part of learning about ourselves and making ourselves better. He is not any less deserving just because he has these concerns. I think that is why it is so important that we see this character on screen. This needs to be represented more. We talk a lot about representation on screen and I think it is just as important to show these mental and emotional struggles as well. I know there are people that don't want to see this realistic and sad reality on screen, and I get it. The world sucks enough. But I think showing these struggles help people understand others and realize they are not alone.

What this show has done so well is forced us to watch this story play out through Seojoon's eyes. Before today, we have not been able to understand Jiwoo. We heard his words and the anger he put into them and saw the blank expression he always tried to give Seojoon, but we were confused by the look in his eye, or the protective traits he keeps using. We knew Jiwoo was in love because he still catches things before they hit the ground, protects the person next to him from people on the street even if it isn't Seojoon, follows Seojoon with his eyes.... oh yeah, and licks the blood off his face and kisses the hell out of him. But his actions didn't match his words, and since Seojoon felt confusion and whiplash, the audience did as well. Only when the point of view shifts do we see the emotion behind the actions. We begin to understand just how alone Jiwoo felt. That he told himself the love he has could never compete with the world's love for Seojoon. That their relationship was on borrowed time. That there is nothing more lonely then being afraid of the relationship you are in. And now the audience sees both sides, and that honestly hurts even more. That this isn't a problem that comes from a lack of love. And if that doesn't just rip my heart out and stomp on it.

So what now? Where do we go from here? We have two characters that are currently very broken, with only 2 episodes to go. Seojoon is depressed and crying in the house he used to share with Jiwoo. Jiwoo is bawling reading old texts from someone he loves and realizing just how deeply Seojoon loves him. Some people want them back together. Some want them to stay apart. Some just wants some form of happiness for these two. And I don't really know where I fall in that spectrum. On one hand I sympathize with Jiwoo. That hand wants them to find happiness apart. Learn to love themselves and find peace with what happened between them. But the other hand sides with Seojoon. That hand wants Jiwoo to realize that his insecurities were the reason this feel apart and he should apologize for leaving. They can trust in their love and find happiness together. But it is in Hwang Da Seul's hands and I just hope she is kind to my heart and tear ducts.

Regardless of what happens, I don't think it ruins the happy ending of the first season. We are watching short periods of time in their lives. At the time of the first season, they fell in love and were happy. They were helping heal each other. But that might not last. It does not change the fact that they did fall in love. It is easy to fall apart, it is a lot harder to put ourselves back together. This could all just be part of the journey they have to go on to heal. Would I have liked to see a whole season of these two smiling, in love, and living a wonderful life..... of course I would. But what we got instead was an amazingly acted beautifully directed exploration of a painful love story. I cried a lot (which is no surprise) but I am so glad to have experienced this. Good luck to Seojoon and Jiwoo next week. May you both find the happiness within you.

[d-parade]

School shooters and mental health

warning: idk. just a warning.

i actually empathise with school shooters. this is actually one of the most extreme things ive ever said. i’ll explain.

i used to be in a very, very dark place. a twisted depression stemmed out of loneliness and hatred i had towards my environment. i struggled with work, had no friends to lean on, teachers disliked me, etc. when i tried to get help, i would get dismissed time and time again. when i suffered, no one helped me. i cannot stress how miserable i was, to the point it made me lose all logical thinking. the only way i could calm down temporarily from all the pain was by distracting myself with homicidal thoughts. and then i had a thought. that if i actually went through with it, i would stop suffering.

here’s part of a letter i wrote to myself.

i would describe it as an almost sort of delusion. something you have no control over yet believe to be true. you’re pushed to your edge, forced to think a certain way beyond your control. the only reason i didn’t go through with my thoughts is because of my parents, who i knew would be devastated. plus, no guns in my country. which is why i advocate for strict gun control.

think of it like an intrusive thought, except due to your vulnerable state of mind, it lingers and lingers till it fuses with your normal thoughts and thinking. at the end of the day, it’s still unwanted.

no shooter should be forgiven. BUT, they shouldn’t be called evil, apathetic, spat and shit on for showing regret for their actions and wanting to improve. while i believe if you take life away, your life should be taken by either life imprisonment (show genuine, delipidating remorse) or death sentence (somewhat little to no remorse).

what’s important is to access the persons mental state at that point in time. their actions are driven by delusion. it’s not even a choice to think logical, as everything seems logical to you. back then i wrote this:

which perfectly describes how i felt then. as you can see, it’s just brimming with hatred. while i could understand people had lives, the same thing just couldn’t apply to the people around me, leading me into viewing them the same way one would do with flies. it’s that sort of logic that you lose.

i’m rn in a better place. would i say this period of time represents me accurately? hell no. would i even consider that person, who felt that way, me? hell no.

the whole reason i wrote this is because of the immense backlash a creator on tiktok is reviving due to him admitting he was a school shooter. he mentioned working with law enforcement to better understand shooting cases, which i think is extremely good and applaudable.

the key to stopping school shootings is by understanding what exactly led someone taking the extreme action. sometimes, shooters and people who harm others aren’t evil, but mentally unwell and NEED help. you can tell this is true when the person has lived a good well life up until the shooting occured. the moment one repeats criminal offences, is when you know it’s more likely just lower empathy levels rather than poor mental health.

if someone had showed care to me back then, it would’ve prevented me from indulging so much in harmful thoughts. similarly, i believe that some shooters just need that helping hand in order to snap out of their delusion.

this is why i empathise with school shooters.

[golbrocklovely]

Unpopular opinion, i think fans are really mean towards Sam and there's not such a big reason behind it. He really wants to help people in his own way and just because his way of coming out with a piece of advice or a way to offer some kind of support is just different from Colby's, that doesn't make him less caring than Colby

Also, i don't understand why people hate on his dumb and wise newsletter or whatever u wanna call it because there aren't many influences who take their time to do something like that (i mean starting from scratch and managing to come out with something, cuz forwarding emails is easy afterwards) and also takes time to find things that might come in handy for fans who need that piece of advice. If Sam does this, even if it's a lot of Internet information and his side notes in that email, he did something good, tho unnecessary, a money grabbing brand. But if Colby comes on Snapchat and starts talking about life, he's a role model and he's so amazing and look how nicely he responds to questions and how nicely he speaks. Colby is way too overrated when doing the bare minimum any influencer should do, like staying in touch with fans and talking about mental health and anxiety and problems that don't go away by clapping ur hands. I appreciate a lot the fact that he talks about this stuff, don't get me wrong, especially because Sam and Colby are 2 of a small number of influences who address these important topics, but when they're both trying to answer their fan's questions or even talk about it how well they can, why try to make a difference between them? One might have a certain pov, while the other one has another pov and that should be alright. Any topic should be seen from more povs, it's not just colby who's right, it's not just sam who's right and u can't stay sam hasn't been through depressive episodes and bad anxiety. If he doesn't talk about these things is strictly his choice, but u can't say that he sounds cold and very objective when talking about stuff because "he didn't go through it"

This thing is literally like u and ur best friend giving the same answer in class but ur best friend gets the credit because "she's prettier"

Where i use u, I'm not talking about u 😂💜

this is so fucking long of a response to you. omg, i apparently have a lot of opinions lol

well, i can only speak on my behalf and say how i feel about the advice both boys give.

while i love the boys a lot, i do think sometimes their advice isn't as universal as they make it seem. i think that sometimes their lack of acknowledgement towards their own privilege makes it hard to want to listen to them. bc they give out advice and think that it will work for everyone listening, when that's just not the case. i do think over the years they gotten better at recognizing when their advice can help and where it can't, but they still struggle to realize that (especially for neurodivergent ppl) their advice doesn't go as deep as it could. or that in general, their advice isn't as prolific as they believe it to be.

like with metalife. one of the major problems i had with it is that a lot of their advice was basic or surface level. a lot of their philosophies weren't that deep. hell, most of the things they said on that site they said on the life project first, so they were just repeating themselves at that point. and while it's great that that worked for some ppl, i think it's also fine to admit that it doesn't work for most fans, especially those dealing with deeper issues. but that's okay. i don't expect snc to have the answers to my mental health issues. they aren't professionals. but i think another major problem was just the fact that anytime they gave advice, it was hard to listen to it knowing that they haven't lived a 10th of the life i have. i don't wish for them to struggle like i have, but when they are miles above me in every which way, it's hard to listen.

as for the split between sam and colby, again, i think it has a lot to do with how they sound. and while sam is genuinely trying to help, i do think that sometimes his words don't quite hit the mark. i think sam has a tendency to just repeat what other ppl say just bc that advice worked for him. which is fine, bc realistically none of us have original thoughts anymore lol, but if the advice was barely advice in the first place…. repeating it and putting your own spin on it lessen it's value.

i think there is also this out of touch attitude that sam can get that colby for the most part doesn't have. like, when sam wrote about not living for your vacations in the dumb and wise email….. like, bro, in this economy? you're telling ppl not to live for vacations, as if they can even get one in the first place?????? you just sound out of touch. i get what he was going for, but there are better ways to have said it. and he makes himself more out of touch by looking up to musk and bezos. i get it, you're a business man. but there is no ethical way to make billions of dollars. and then to keep it all??? even worse. and to top all of that off, he never apologizes for upsetting fans. he'll just ignore things until ppl forget or stop talking about it altogether. and while i get that for some situations, doing it all the time doesn't work. it makes it sound like he doesn't want to listen to fans.

also, i just gotta add this in bc i just remembered it, he has this vibe/attitude/whatever of "feel less, work more". he's surrounds himself in so much business but does little to no introspective work. he doesn't allow himself to feel, and would rather be busy all the time. but that doesn't work for anyone, let alone him. and i think that if he would allow himself to either work thru his emotions or just…. feel for once, he might be able to give good advice.

and while i say all of this, i still genuinely love sam. i can love him and still be annoyed at him tho. both things can be true. bc on a basic level, i feel like he does try his best to give the advice he thinks will work, but it comes across a bit pretentious bc he doesn't recognize his own privilege. and his dumb and wise emails, if i even read them in the first place, i just kinda shrug off and go about my day. sometimes i read them and think "oh that's good advice" but for the most part, i don't pay attention to them.

and as for colby, i think (and i know, at least, i feel this way) a lot of ppl relate to him more than they do sam. maybe it's bc sam is extremely closed off so we don't know as much about him as we do colby. maybe for some ppl (even tho they'll never admit it) they just generally find colby more attractive than sam and thus are more likely to listen to him. who knows, who cares. for me, colby comes in with advice that at least shows hesitancy. he outright refuses to answer questions about mental health problems, and tells those that need help to seek professionals. i don't think i've ever heard sam do that. maybe he just ignores those questions and instead goes for ones he thinks he can answers, maybe i just don't remember him doing what colby does. either way, colby tells does that, and then any of the advice he does gives, he follows it up by saying "this may not work for you, but this is what worked for me" and that alone puts him above sam in my book for giving advice.

that hesitancy shows a more realistic side to him than sam. sam comes in with a certain tone that's just very matter-of-factly, that there's no way he's wrong. colby, bc he's cautious about what he says or at least understands that his words may not help, shows that he acknowledges what he saying. he's not just regurgitating something someone else said in a book he read.

and i think as much as colby claims to be private or closed off, he tells a lot more than he shows. i don't think he realizes how much stuff he's actually told fans, and just that bit of vulnerability helps to make a connection. that's why i believe he probably does struggle with depression and, at the very least, anxiety. he's shown us what he's like after being super anxious all day. he's told us the stories of needing to take tums everyday at school. and as for the depression, which i know is just an assumption on my part, there are things he has said in the past (like not being able to leave his couch for weeks on end, like feeling like he was on autopilot, like isolating himself from ppl when he's feeling bad) that makes me believe he has struggled with depression without realizing it bc those are things i went thru as well. and that, i think, helps fans connect with him more. if sam struggles the same way colby does, we wouldn't know bc he doesn't tell us. and i get that he has every right to his privacy and that he doesn't have to tell us that information. but bc colby has, with or without his own knowledge, means ppl connect with him more and want to listen to his advice.

all of this being said, if you don't agree with me, totally fine. you might relate to what sam says more. that's great. if his advice works for you, please listen to it and use it. i'm just saying it doesn't work that way for me, but that's okay. i don't look at sam as less than bc of it. i still love sam. he's just a bit annoying sometimes lol