#her outfit is the same as the rancher just her colors!

[vanillaviolet111]

@jade-week day four, crossover! take 2 because i kept forgetting details. she’s a slime rancher! where’s her vacpack? don’t even worry about it, it definitely not because i took one look and thought ‘nope’. ;,33

[0-racle-0-f-hylia]

Who did the Hero of Time end up with?

In every Zelda game I could always find some reason, convenient or otherwise, for Zelink to be present- every game except one.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, 1998. Unlike games previous to it, it had several female love interests for Link. Saria, Ruto, Nabooru, Malon, and of course Zelda herself.

I never really considered the first three mentioned to be a good match for Link though.

Saria is a perpetual 10 year old

Ruto forced a 10 year old Link into an engagement with her (he didn’t even know what that was) and had him carry her around in her shoulders like he was her servant. (Not to mention if they did have any kids they’d be Zora, not Hylian)

Nabooru is at LEAST 7 years older than Link. I mean, she was an adult when they met and he was a little kid. (Also it is hinted at in game that she is Malon’s MOTHER)(think about that)

And then there was Malon. Initially, I didn’t think much of Malon to begin with. I mean, to me she was just the npc that gave you a horse, but whatever. I didn’t like her as a love interest for Link because I didn’t think she was good enough for him. I really HATE shallow-female-love-interest-characters that do nothing to support plot/Link and are only there to look pretty.

And a never gave Malon a second thought because it seemed to me that during the game, Link had a stronger connection to Zelda than he did Malon.

Zelda gave him the Ocarina of Time, an essential tool for his quest

Guided him after his seven year sleep as Sheik and taught him the teleportation songs

Helped him in the final battle against Ganon

Had a heartfelt goodbye as she sent him back to relive his childhood

To me, there are two legitimate reasons why people ship Malink. One being that, in the manga, Malon had a crush on Link and dreamed he was the “Prince” she was waiting for. Two, in Twilight Princess, Link, a descendant of the Hero of Time, lives in a ranch. So people naturally assume that since Malon herself is also a rancher, the Hero of aTime married Malon and hence all his descendants are ranchers.

Now, since the Manga isn’t canon, the first reason is void, but the second? It does seem pretty solid doesn’t it?

And for the longest time, I couldn’t find any reason to deny that, even if it made me want to pull my hair out because I couldn’t find anything to prove it was wrong.

Every Zelda theorist I knew, claimed that Malink was canon and I COULDN’T DISPUTE IT.

But after looking through both OOT, TP, and every trusted Zelda resource that I know-

I’ve come to the conclusion- that it is far more likely the Hero of time married Zelda not Malon.

I do find it believable that Malon or Talon founded Ordon village as it is the closest thing TP has to LonLon ranch, sharing many similarities in culture. And it is logical to think that Malon’s descendants would live in Ordon village.

So, in conclusion, the Hero of Twilight, descendant of the Hero of Time, is related to Malon because he lives in the ranch-centered village of Ordon!

Yes, it’s the perfect theory! No flaws in it whatsoever.

. . . except for one thing- TP Link- is not an Ordonian.

It’s a tiny detail most people seem to miss. In Twilight Princess, alongside all the other races of Hyrule, there are two kinds of humanoids:

Hyruleans: the non-magic people of Hyrule with round ears.

Hylians: with long ears, gifted with the ability to “hear the gods” and possess magical ability, as said in the Hyrule Historia.

Link is from the latter category, as he has long, pointed ears. And while it is possible one of his parents or grandparents was Ordonian, there is no way to prove this as he looks the same as any other Hylian. Meaning, it is likely that Link had no relation to the Ordonians by blood.

There are no other Hylians in Ordon besides Link, which leads me to conclude that Link’s parents were from castle town, the only other place in TP where Hylians reside.

In the beginning of the game, Rusl does say that Link has never been to Hyrule. But that merely implies that Link has ever been outside the village in his memory or since Rusl has known him.

Meaning his parents may have lived there when he was a baby. Or he was found/given to the Ordonians after his parents death or disappearance. Similar to how the Hero of Time was raised as Kokiri because his Hylian mother brought him to Kokiri forest and died soon after.

Epona is another factor that needs to be accounted for. It could be argued that as TP Link has a horse named Epona, this ties him to Malon, as the original Epona came from LonLon ranch. But it is a null point as the Hero of Time owned Epona even if he didn’t marry Malon and therefore his descendants, wether or not they are related to Malon, could have a horse that is related to, or named after Epona.

Now I’ve stated a couple reasons why I think Link didn’t marry Malon, but I haven’t given any reasons why the Hero of Time would marry Zelda. But I’m getting to that :)

One of the reasons why I believe the Hero of Time married Zelda is due to his appearance on TP, specifically, the Hero’s Shade.

Besides his ghostly, skeletal figure, the most intriguing thing about him is his armor. Comparing his elaborate armor to the much simpler armor of the guards or soldiers (not knights, as some people think) in Ocarina of Time, makes me believe he is much higher ranked , probably an esteemed Knight or something similar.

Which makes sense, considering he was the one who warned the king of Ganondorf’s treachery and possesses amazing swordsmanship skills. It is also hinted at in Hyrule Historia, that Link’s father was a knight as well, making Knighthood, Link’s inheritance.

Another detail I find interesting is, though faded, you can tell that the Hero’s Shade’s armor was once gold with red detailing. The armor’s color scheme, red and gold, is typically used by kings of Hyrule.

As seen in Wind Waker and the Minish cap. King Gustaf, King Daltus, and King Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule all wear red and gold.

Another peculiar detail about the Hero’s Shade’s armor is the shape of the breastplate resembling that of an owl’s head. Owls are associated with wisdom. In OOT, Zelda holds the triforce of WISDOM.

In TP, you can buy an item called magic armor in castletown. It’s design is reminiscent of Zelda’s appearance in the game. Including the design of the crown pauldrons and tassel. This makes me assume it once belonged to a prince of Hyrule. This is further backed up by its red and gold color scheme, colors associated with the king of Hyrule.

The most obvious connection between Hylian royalty and the Hero of time is concerning the magic armor. Specifically, the long, red cap included in the outfit. Compared to the rest of the armor Link gets in the game, the magic armor just doesn’t seem to fit.

The hero’s clothes have a green cap because it’s what the previous hero wore, Kokiri styled.

The Zora armor has a blue cap because it is made to resemble the Zora’s long head fin.

But the magic armor? Something made for royalty? In all the other games, no other Hylian royalty is depicted with a long cap, so where could this style have come from?

Well, if the Hero of Time married into the royal family, perhaps his unique style would have carried over into the traditional Hylian royalty get-up, as he become a prince. Creating an outfit that includes the royal colors, crown, tassel and the Hero of Time’s long cap.

On a side note, may I remind everyone that in Majorca’s Mask, when the Skull Kid was attempting to bring down the moon the first time, Link flashed back to his last moment with Zelda?

Sure he could have just been remembering the song of time and yes, the fact that he has Epona means he did go back to LonLon ranch to see Malon.

But one, he probably just went to LonLon to get his horse to travel with

And two, he didn’t flash back to his last moment with Malon, did he?

And three, the fact that he rembered how Zelda reminisced about their time together and he didn’t just recall the song of time just go’s to show how strongly he felt about their relationship.

[houndsofcerberus]

Apotheosis Chapter 2

Summary: Techno and Theseus arrive to Nimius though the arrival is met with…mixed reviews

No CWs

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33386038/chapters/83133148

The rhythmic clopping of the horse’s hooves and the rolling of the cart wheels had become monotonous and boring by the time they finally reached their destination. The only change from the expanse of identical trees was when they had neared. Nimius was large but it’s capital, settled near it’s southernmost border, was a sight to behold. Nimius was known for its abundance, having been named for its wealth. This of course brought with it lavish lifestyle, but this wasn’t unanimous across the kingdom. The country had many smaller villages and hamlets, a great deal of the Nimian population was in fact farmers and ranchers. The land Nimius occupied was some of the best across the continent for farming, the soil was rich and fertile and the conditions were mild enough and the growing season long enough to have made Nimius an agricultural giant amongst the land.

Technoblade was of the opinion that no description could do the feeling of walking into the Nimian capital justice however. No story, nor poem, nor song could ever compare to the feeling of walking in. The royal family’s crest depicted a peacock, bright and fierce, and proud as all hell, signifying the wealth of the region. The crest was frequent in the city however it was more apparent around the castle. They were a proud people who showed their wealth happily. Techno hadn’t been in Nimius for quite some time, though as the cart rolled into the city it appeared not much had changed. The streets were well kept, clean and had planter boxes lining the cobbled streets, the stones were smooth and the buildings light in color. White and teal were everywhere, along with dull orange terracotta and faux gold shimmer. Murals decorated the walls of several buildings, well kept up and beautifully bright. It was like walking into a painting. Theseus was leaning forward, looking around, eyes wide as he took in the market smelling strongly of fresh bread and other delicious smells from the vendors in the street. People walked idly, moving out of the way of Techno’s cart and looking in curiously. Some frowned and watched Techno, though he didn’t blame them. He had accumulated many many battle scars from his adventures, and several were laid into his face, leaving him looking… rough to say the least. He pressed on, ignoring them and driving the horses to the castle ahead.

It was an architectural masterpiece, within its large gates it was covered in ivy and tile mosaics of trees, peacocks, and farmland. The things that made Nimius what it was. It was beauty and luxury in its purest form, abundance at its most bare and most extravagant. Technoblade had missed Nimius.

“Woah!” Theseus gasped, leaning so far forward Techno needed to grab his shirt and pull him back into the seat. “What are those?” he asked excitedly, pointing at a blue bird amongst several others, it’s tail long as it trailed behind the bird, folded. The feather’s were iridescent and there was a small crest on its head.

“That's a peacock, the monarch has an affinity for them,” Techno said fondly. As his dog passed the bird, clearing the path for the horses, several of the peacocks shook out their tails and Theseus’ eyes went wide once more.

“It’s got so many eyes!” he said, looking at Technoblade in wonder.

“It’s just a pattern, they use it to scare off anything trying to eat them.” Techno said, smiling lightly.

“They’re so pretty,”

“Very, but you can’t pet these ones, they aren’t nice. There’s one inside you could pet though.” Techno said. Theseus nodded excitedly as Techno stopped the cart in front of the castle, looking over each of the guards. As much as he loved it here he couldn’t be too comfortable so he kept his sword on him and stepped off, whistling to the dog and gesturing with a nod of the head to the cart. She jumped up and settled in the back as Theseus scrambled down off the cart, running to catch up. A young man had come out and paused in front of them as they both waited for Theseus.

“Eret is waiting for you inside. Just f-” The young man was cut off by another who had approached, staring at the sword.

“No weapons.” He said gruffly.

“I’m not stupid enough to kill a seer, let alone a monarch. Let me in.” Techno said flatly.

“No. Put the sword in your cart. And that whip too.” The man said stepping in front of Techno, arms crossed. He had a mask over the top of his face but Techno was close enough to see his bright green eyes and furrowed brows.

“And if I don’t?” Techno asked, smiling lazily.

“You don’t wanna find out.” came the reply as he went to draw his sword. Techno copied the move, hand on the hilt of his sword. Theseus grabbed onto Techno’s pant leg, and Techno chanced a quick look, seeing briefly the fear on his face. When his eye darted back up the man had relaxed slightly, eyes focused on the child for a moment before looking back at Techno and glaring twice as hard.

“Boys quit it,” came a new voice, familiar to Techno’s ears. Techno grinned and let go of his sword to smile innocently at Eret descending the stairs to the castle doors, accompanied by a woman a bit younger than Technoblade. Eret was… well Eret. Well dressed in beautiful clothes, somehow looking well dressed and casual at the same time, putting Techno’s outfit of his usual cape, shirt, pants and other gear to shame despite sharing the same style. She smiled and approached, shaking his head playfully.

“What? I was just playing around,” Techno said, laughing easily and relaxing. He bowed to them, head down in a show of respect before standing.

“You’re a bad liar. Come on, we have a lot to discuss with Puffy here, she’s my general that I told you about.” Eret said, gesturing for Techno and Theseus to follow.

“But my liege, he has weapons on him!” The man Techno had just confronted spoke up, looking panicked.

“As he always does. Sam it’s alright, this man has saved my life more times than I can count. If he wanted me dead he would’ve done so long ago. He’s as harmless as a pup.” Eret laughed, shaking their head. The man, Sam, stood there bewildered for a moment as Techno walked by, followed by Theseus who stuck his tongue out at the guard. They walked in through the large doors into a beautiful castle. Polished wood and marble was everywhere, large murals and tapestries of the gods and of old tales lining the entry hall beautifully. Techno felt out of place, dirty grungy clothing, scarred and unpolished, unrefined. Eret led them further, past the large throne room and into a further hall. Puffy opened a door, revealing a round, average sized table, six chairs around it, a teapot and snacks upon it. Eret took their spot and Puffy chose one nearby, Techno opting for one across from Eret, and Theseus clamoring up onto the chair beside Techno.

“You never told me you had a kid,” Eret said, smiling and placing a few sweets in front of Theseus.

“Sorry, I didn’t have much time, I came as soon as I got the letter,” Techno said.

“No no, it’s alright, he’s quite adorable. What’s his name?” Eret asked, smiling at Theseus who was currently enjoying a cookie that Eret had given him.

“Theseus,” Techno replied.

“I go by Tommy.” Theseus interjected, staring at Techno.

“You never mentioned that before.” Techno sighed.

“You didn’t ask.” came the reply. Puffy snorted and covered her mouth, trying to hide her smile. Techno took the moment to take her in. Her uniform was well kept, a deep indigo blue with gold accents. She had very long curly white hair, though it didn’t age her. She looked young, or at least seemed to be younger than Technoblade, though that wasn’t saying much. She had a scar, faint and light, stretching from her jaw to just under her eye. He couldn't decipher what from by the look of it, though it had obviously been taken care of considering it was so light.

“What’s wrong with your eyes?” Theseus interrupted Techno’s thoughts, loud and abrupt.

“Theseus!” Techno scolded, staring at him in disbelief.

“What?”

“You can’t say that!”

“Why not?” Theseus asked, crossing his arms. Techno sighed, frustrated.

“I’m so sorry,” He apologized.

“It’s alright, kids are kids, I take no offence.” Eret said. Their eyes which had previously been a bright and vibrant brown had slowly dulled over the years, as though there was a white film over them. Techno hadn’t mentioned it, he had only ever known Eret with the vague film on their eyes. She was a seer, it was a natural part of having Sight. “I have a gift. I can see the gods,” Eret said smiling and looking at Theseus patiently.

“Woah, that’s so cool! I wanna see the gods!”

“Well it’s not all good Tommy. My eyes look like this because it makes it so you can’t see after a while, it makes your eyes turn white and soon you can’t see anything.” Eret explained. Theseus frowned and tilted his head.

“So you’re blind?”

“Not yet. I’ve got some years ahead of me, I plan to enjoy them as much as I can.” Eret said, eyes darting to Techno who laughed.

“You did enough living for twelve lives back in the days.” Techno smiled fondly upon the memories of their journeys together.

“Never enough Blade, never enough,” Eret said, sighing happily at their own memories of the time. “We’ll need to reminisce some other time unfortunately. You’re aware of why I requested your help?”

“Yes, the letter told me all I needed to know.” Techno said, nodding curtly, smile fading.

“Lovely. As capable as our wonderful General here is, we'll need the help. They’ve been making bold moves. We need to be bolder.”

“Are you sure?” Puffy interjected.

“You have no ideas left either. We need him.”

“No, not that. Him. Are you sure about him? I did my research, I know what he sees as ‘bold moves’.” Puffy said firmly, glaring at Techno. Just when he thought he may be able to escape mistakes of the past, here they were yet again coming to bite him in the ass.

“Can we not discuss that? Not right now? I’d rather not defend those actions in front of a child.” Techno said sharply. Puffy looked between Technoblade and Theseus before nodding. “We’ll finish this later.” Techno added. “For now I need your files and information about it. As well as anything relevant to the situation, including border declarations. Anything Nimius and Ecren have both signed.”

“Of course. I have an office for you in the south wing and your room is ready. We can give Tommy a tour of the castle maybe and have some dinner, by then I’ll have a room for him beside yours.” Eret said, pouring herself a cup of tea, and then pouring one for Technoblade. “Puffy, can I ask you to gather the necessary documents while I catch up with my friend?” He asked kindly. Puffy nodded and gave a brief informal bow before leaving the room. “Maybe Tommy would like to go find Calypso in his garden,” Eret said, smiling.

“Who’s Calypso?” Theseus asked,

“You remember I mentioned there’s a peacock you can pet inside the castle? That’s Calypso. He’s a sweetheart, and has his own garden.” Techno said, smiling. Theseus grinned, turning to Eret and nodding quickly.

“Alright, give me a moment,” Eret said, standing and walking to the door. Eret smiled and gestured to someone. “Skeppy, are you on your way by Calypso’s garden?” She called.

“Yeah, gonna go visit Bad in the kitchens, see if he needs help.” came the reply, presumably from Skeppy.

“Lovely, we have a guest, come here,”

Skeppy stepped in, smiling and waving at Techno and Theseus.

“Can you show Theseus here how to get to the garden? He’d like to meet Calypso, maybe swing by and steal an extra treat for him when you go pester Bad hm?”

“I wasn’t gonna steal anything, just… taste test,” Skeppy argued.

“Uh huh. Grab him an extra bite,”

Theseus looked to Techno for permission to go this time. After the last time he went off away from Technoblade he didn’t seem keen to repeat the situation. Techno nodded and gestured to Skeppy.

“Go, I’ll come get you in a bit, kid,” He said reassuringly. Theseus ran off with Skeppy, following him into the hall excitedly chatting with Skeppy. Eret sat and they both waited until they could no longer hear them.

“So… you’re a dad.” Eret said, leaning back with their teacup in hand. “That's… unexpected for you.”

“Yeah. I didn’t plan to be.”

“Past few years must’ve been quite the learning curve for you then huh?” Eret chuckled. Techno froze, not looking his friend in the eyes.

“Well… I wasn’t around.” Techno admitted. “His mom had to track me down to tell me. And we had an agreement.”

“You didn’t…” Eret said.

“I didn’t abandon them… entirely.” Techno said, trying to defend himself. “She knew what kind of guy I was, she knew about them. I told her when she said she was pregnant. She agreed it wasn’t a good idea, but she couldn’t work with a child and no husband so… I’ve been sending her money over the years. Bought them a nice home, money for food and clothes, a repairman, and extra for savings. I made sure she could give him a good life. I swear I wouldn’t just leave, I just…”

“So why is he with you now then?” Eret asked.

“She passed. A few days ago actually. She wrote to me and had the message passed along urgently and when I got there it was bad. She told me to take him and take care of him. I figured I owe her that, but I… have no clue how to do this.” Techno sighed, shrugging and leaning back. He didn’t dare look at Eret, he didn’t want to see their look of disappointment.

“Gods above Technoblade, what a fine mess you’ve made for yourself. We’re a nation at war, why’d you bring him?”

“The other jobs were too dangerous. Tracking down criminals, on the front lines for weeks, assassination, murder, this was the safest. He doesn’t have to be involved in the war, he can stay and if we must evacuate he can go with. This war won’t be fast, Ecren is not going to give in, it’s more stable.”

“What makes you say that?” Eret asked. Techno sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper and standing, leaning over the table to hand it to Eret. Eret took it and unfolded the paper. “They requested you as well?”

“Yeah. Offered me the position of General.”

“You didn’t take it. Why?” Eret said, frowning skeptically, eyes trained on Technoblade’s sword.

“I’d be on the frontlines, the pay was worse, it came after yours, and you’re one of my oldest friends. I’m a lot of things, but I am not a liar and I don’t go back on my promises. I told you I’d come back if you ever needed help. I’m here. I have no obligations in Ecren or interest in helping them. This was my home for a while too, I’m going to defend it.” Techno said.

“You never change. It’s nice to have you on the team, old friend,” Eret said, smiling and folding the piece of paper, tossing it back on the table and relaxing. “Like the old days.”

“Like the old days.” Techno agreed

Techno found Theseus in the garden, sitting amongst the beautiful abundance of foliage and flowers, Calypso sitting in his lap fast asleep. It was kind of sweet, Theseus was gently petting the bird, making sure not to wake him, looking around at all the butterflies fluttering above them from flower to flower. The garden was vibrant, it was as though you stepped into a forest, and though it was a bit warm it was comfortable. Theseus seemed at peace there. Techno walked over and sat on the bench near Theseus’ spot on the ground.

“Where’d the name Tommy come from?” He asked quietly, being careful not to startle the bird or the child.

“My mom. She always called me Tommy instead.” He replied in a whisper, transfixed on the bird in his lap. He seemed enamored with Calypso, fascinated endlessly by the brightly colored and well kept feathers. Enough so that he had finally stopped moving and talking for the first time since Techno had met him. He was a lively kid, probably even more so before his mother passed. He hadn’t been sleeping well, crying himself to sleep in the wagon, waking from nightmares. On the worst days when it seemed he truly realized he was never seeing his mother again he had refused to eat, and sat silently in the wagon. Technoblade was not someone experienced in grief, and he hadn’t had even the mildest clue on how to comfort a child who had just lost his primary caregiver, that was never easy, especially not after watching her suffer for weeks on end before dying. Techno hadn’t spoken with him much about it, unsure of how to approach that topic with an adult, let alone a child.

“Do you want me to call you Tommy instead?” Techno asked softly, voice still low to not wake the bird.

“No,” Theseus said flatly, shaking his head. Techno froze, and stared for a moment waiting for him to elaborate. No explanation came. He just left it there. Technoblade decided that it wasn’t meant to be rude, even if it sure did feel like something he should chastise him for. It wasn’t as though it was a big deal, it was just a name. Theseus had the right to say what he wanted to be called.

“...alright” Techno said after a solid minute of silence from both parties. “Dinner’s almost ready, we should head to the dining hall,” he added, gently patting him on the shoulder as he stood to get him to stand up as well.

“I don’t wanna go.” Theseus said. Techno took a moment and decided his curiosity took precedence over his ego bruising from the fact Theseus just outright refused,

“Why not?” He asked, crouching down. Theseus looked away, refusing eye contact. He looked conflicted and uncomfortable, but Techno just waited until he was ready.

“What if it’s bad? Mom always made good food, what if this is bad? And it's so big in there, the roof is so high, and everything echoes and it’s just too much. I don’t like it.” Theseus said, grimacing and glancing at the door back in. “I miss home.” He added more quietly. Techno stood and thought for a moment.

“Come with me,” He said, standing and holding out his hand. Theseus looked at Calypso and hesitated before gently picking him up and scooting him off his lap, standing and brushing the dirt off his pants.

“We’re going anyway?” Theseus asked, frowning.

“Nah, I hate the dining hall anyways, but you can’t just not eat kid. I’m taking you to the kitchens. Did you like Skeppy?”

“Yeah! He’s really funny, he told me about you!”

“...what’d he tell you?”

“That you sucked at the games he played with you!” Theseus said happily, smiling as he looked ahead.

“...huh… well I’ll have to get a rematch then. We can have dinner with Skeppy and the cook, Bad, in the kitchen instead, it’s much nicer there, not as fancy,” Techno said, taking Theseus’ hand and leading him inside, instead of going through the large extravagant halls he took a detour into a smaller homier feeling hallway. It was lined with pictures of the staff and their families, and of Eret and his parents, all the goofy pictures they wouldn’t be able to present in the front halls for guests to see. Techno looked at a few of them and got oriented to where they were. He had always preferred going through the staff halls anyways. The main halls were designed to be long, extravagant and force you to take in the wealth and lavish castle. The staff halls were shortcuts, small and much easier to navigate due to the fact that they didn’t look the same and had labels on all the doors so nobody got lost. Techno finally found the door labelled ‘Kitchen’ and pushed it open.

Beyond the door was a nice looking kitchen. It wasn’t fancy or covered in white and gold. It had a large wood stove that was next to an oven, as well as another separate brick oven in the wall. The brick oven was unlit and cold, and the wood stove looked as though it had just turned off. There were large windows that were wide open, letting in a cool breeze, and plenty of countertops littered in plates and dishes. The room was bigger than a normal home’s kitchen and much better equipped, even having a cooler to store food and a meat locker door off to the side, but half of it was occupied by a large oak table and chairs, a tablecloth spread over top. In the centre of the table was a vase with freshly cut flowers, and beside it was a basket of bread rolls. In the kitchen was a familiar face, Bad. Though Bad seemed occupied trying to get Skeppy to stop trying to eat the food before it was out on the tables.

“Skeppy, quit it!” Bad yelled, exasperated.

“Awe come on, I’m just testing it!” Skeppy laughed as he was chased away from the stock pot.

“You’re being a pest is what you’re doing,” Bad huffed, shaking his head and turning to smile. “You finally came back!” He cheered, smiling at Techno. “You come to visit or to steal food like someone else here,” Bad asked, glaring pointedly at Skeppy who had started creeping towards the other basket of bread rolls for the dining hall.

“But I’m huuuuuungryyyy” Skeppy whined. Techno laughed and grabbed a bread roll from the basket on the table, chucking it to Skeppy to occupy him for a while.

“Actually I came to see if me and the kid could eat with you and Skeppy tonight,” Techno said, smiling and gesturing at Theseus. Bad gasped and leaned over the counter to look at the kid, grinning brightly.

“Of course! Skeppy mentioned we had a little guest! I thought he was lying for an extra lemon tart,” Bad said, smiling.

“I told you he wash real,” Skeppy said triumphantly through a mouthful of bread, smiling smugly as he took another bite of the bread roll proudly.

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Bad said, brushing him off with an eye roll and a dismissive wave. “I’ll let Eret know when we send out the food, they may join us but I doubt Sam and Puffy will let him out of sight while they have a chance to discuss things.”

“Speaking of what’s the deal with those two?” Techno asked, leaning forward against the counter.

“Ah not much, Sam is the newer one of the two, he takes his job very seriously, and Puffy is normally a lot more calm but everything going on has been stressing her out. This’ll be her first conflict as General, she’s been in the military for a long time but this time she’ll be calling the shots on the field so she’s just trying to be careful,” Bad said shrugging. “Nice folks, heart in the right place but you caught ‘em at a bad time. Why are you here now?”

“Same reason. Eret asked me to come as a strategist.” Techno said. “War needs experience, I guess that’s why she asked me to come.”

“What’s war? You guys keep talking about it and I don’t know what it means.” Theseus asked abruptly. Bad looked as though he had frozen to the spot and Skeppy was trying not to laugh at him but Techno just turned and looked at Theseus unbothered.

“Y’know how there are countries? Well sometimes they get into fights with lots of people on both sides. That's war.” Techno said flatly. Bad gave him an incredulous look and when Techno made eye contact he shrugged. There was no point in lying. This would be the kid’s life for a while.

“Oh. When will it be over?” Theseus asked, frowning. “It seems like a lotta work.

“I don’t know, kid, probably not for a few years.” Technoblade replied, shrugging.

“That’s a long time. I want it over now,”

“Me too, tell you what though, you and I get to live here with Skeppy and Eret and Bad until it’s over, so that doesn’t seem too bad right?” Techno asked, smiling ever so slightly and ruffling Theseus’ blond hair gently.

“I guess not,”

Dinner had gone well, Theseus ate all his food for the first time in ages, even telling Technoblade as they left the kitchen that it was “almost as good as mom’s” which seemed to be high praise for him. Techno was just glad he ate all of it. They had talked with Skeppy and Bad easily, and despite Eret not being able to join them it was a good time. Afterwards Techno had gone to the stables, Theseus trailing behind him. Someone had put away his horses and his dog wasn’t too far off from them. Techno checked what they had to eat and drink and after deciding it was good enough he grabbed his brushes from the wagon behind the stable. He would bring his books and Theseus’ things up to their rooms when they went back in. Theseus stood just inside the stable door, watching Technoblade brush the larger of the two horses meticulously.

“Why didn’t you name them?” Theseus asked, echoing his question from days earlier.

“I just didn’t.”

“Can I name them?” Theseus asked. Techno made the mistake of looking at Theseus, whose eyes were large and watery as he silently begged. Not even he could last against that look.

“...fine.” Techno conceded, sighing and shaking his head.

“Yay! This one is gonna be.... Andrew!” Theseus proclaimed proudly, looking chuffed with himself.

“That’s a good one,” Techno said, chuckling slightly.

“And the other one is gonna be Carl!” Theseus added. “Oh and the doggie! Can I name her? Pretty please?”

“Might as well,”

“Clementine!” Theseus cheered happily. The dog, who had previously been laying calmly, watching Techno and Theseus from outside the stall stood at that, walking over and wagging her tail at Theseus.

“Well she seems to like it. Nice job kid,” Techno said, smiling fondly. He continued brushing the newly named Andrew and Carl, meticulously picking out their feet and checking for any rocks before he finally let them be. Clementine, also pleased with the new moniker curled up in Carl’s stall, and Techno pulled out some dried meat from the wagon, promising he’d take her hunting the next day for some game. He knew she couldn’t understand but it gave him peace of mind at least.

He took Theseus to the wagon and grabbed his large box of books and other important trinkets within, buried under the pages, and helped Theseus grab his few things. The child frowned as he looked for something, not finding it.

“What’re you missin’?” Techno asked.

“My teddy bear, mom gave it to me, I had it hidden in my bag!” Theseus said, looking distressed.

“You think you forgot it at home?” Techno asked, frowning. His frown deepened when Theseus nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. “Hey, hey it’s okay kid.” he rushed, trying to think about what one of his friends would’ve said. Squid had always been better with kids, so he tried to think of what he would say. “Your teddy bear is.... Protecting your house?” He suggested. Theseus paused and sniffed, nodding slowly. It seemed to work. “He has to look after it cause you’re not there anymore.”

“...okay,” Theseus said quietly, nodding. He still looked sad but no longer like he was gonna cry, which Techno counted as a massive win in his favor. Maybe parenting wouldn’t be that bad after all.

They brought in the items, and Eret showed them to their rooms. Eret’s was at the end of the hall and Techno’s was a few doors down. Beside Techno’s room was Theseus’ room and both seemed good, better than the wagon had been. There was a fireplace in techno’s room, and he remembered the layout of it quite well. He had stayed there for some time previously, and chosen the room specifically for the fireplace and the small bathroom attached to it. It wasn’t as large and well furnished as Eret’s washroom or any of the others in the castle, but there was running water, a sink, a toilet and a bathtub. That was more than enough for Techno, who had long since grown used to mostly washing up in rivers. Techno let Theseus settle in his room and showed him where to go if he needed help before slipping into his room. He put his books on the empty shelves and the various treasures were hidden in the room. His jewelry box set on the nightstand.

He opened the dresser and found some clean clothes that he had previously left. That would also be nice, laundry wouldn’t be such a pain. He bathed himself and got Theseus to stop jumping on the bed long enough to catch him and wrangle him into the bath as well afterwards. He had protested heavily until he hit the warm water, sinking into it almost immediately. He still protested as Techno scrubbed the dirt off his face and out of his hair but it was half-hearted and he seemed quite happy afterwards, wrapped in a blanket and wearing clean pajamas donated by Eret from when they were young. They were a bit big but Theseus said they were comfortable. Techno got him settled into bed and blew out the oil lamp in the room, leaving him to sleep. Techno lit his fireplace and stoked the fire until it was roaring steadily, warming the room. He blew out his own oil lamp after grabbing one of his novels, deciding on an old hero tale he had been fond of. He settled into the rocking chair by the fireplace, opening the well worn pages and settling in to lose himself in the story.

He had always cherished the fact he could read, and he was thankful for the escape. Sometimes he found solace from everything around him in the pages of a good story. He particularly enjoyed adventures with a clear hero. He never saw himself in those pages, and though as strange as it may have seemed it was nice. He wanted an escape from himself, not a reflection of him on the pages. He was okay with the fact he didn’t see himself in the heroes, though all too often he saw himself in the monsters the heroes slayed. He wasn’t proud of it, and he’d never speak of those events aloud, he’d never admit to what he’d done to anyone who he cared for. Though he didn’t know how much longer he could ignore it when Puffy knew. He had no doubt Sam knew as well. The hatred and fear in his eyes as they had stood face to face earlier told him all he needed to know. He didn’t know if Eret would still accept his help if he knew, but he had to try to explain himself. Nothing would justify it, but he wanted to help people this time. Not hurt them. He paused, shaking away the thoughts, it would only encourage them to start up once more. He hadn’t gotten a handle on them just for them to pop up now of all times. He had become so wrapped up in his book that he hadn’t realized the door opened until he heard it click shut. He turned, almost expecting Eret, but instead seeing Theseus, blanket around his shoulders, sniffing and wiping at his eyes.

“Hey… what are you doing up?” Techno asked, tilting his head and closing his book, finger on the page he was on, holding it ajar.

“I couldn’t sleep…” Theseus said, sounding as though he had been sobbing. Techno frowned and gestured to him to come closer, and as he stepped into the firelight Techno could see his eyes. They were red and watery, bloodshot and puffy. His cheeks were tear-stained and he looked awful.

“Nightmare again?” Techno asked. Theseus nodded. Techno thought for a moment. He didn’t know how to comfort kids very well. “Is there something you want me to do?” He asked, figuring it wouldn’t hurt to just ask him.

“Mom would always cuddle with me…” Theseus said softly, not looking up to meet Techno’s eyes at all, but he got the message. He leaned forward and gestured him forward. Theseus took a few steps closer and Techno picked him up, placing him down on his lap. He shifted Theseus so the child was laying across his lap, leaning against his arm and chest.

“Does this work?” Technoblade asked, hoping he was doing it right. He’d seen other parents do this, but he wasn’t sure. Theseus nodded and rested his head on Techno’s chest gently. “You want me to read to you?” he asked, getting another silent nod. Techno flipped the book open to the first page, and started reading aloud off the first page. He felt Theseus cuddle into him, pulling his blanket closer around himself while yawning softly. Time escaped him, and what felt like minutes went by before he paused and looked down, to see Theseus fast asleep in his arms. He felt like he couldn’t move without waking him, and looked around to see if there was a way to take him to bed, but there wasn’t. So Techno resigned himself to sleeping in the rocking chair that night, gently putting the book down on the small table beside him. He sighed and leaned back, holding Theseus gently and closing his eyes. He smiled slightly as he felt Theseus grab onto his shirt tightly with his small hand. Maybe it was worth sleeping on the chair tonight if it meant Theseus slept soundly. It wasn’t so bad.

[midzelink]

What do you think happened to Skyloft after the events of Skyward Sword? Any miscellaneous thoughts about the Twili? The Picori? The Kokiri? What the hell is the Lost Woods and why does it do what it does? And why does the Lost Woods turn people into Skull Kids and Stalfos? What do you think Navi's fate was in the end of Ocarina? If you've seen majestically-fangirling 's posts about Zora anatomy, then you know how much of a nightmare it is, so thoughts? Favorite color? Also how are you today?

Hoo boy!  This is a real doozy.  Let’s break it down, shall we?

After the people of Skyloft moved the Surface, their home - which had been slowly crumbling apart for millennia, à la the smaller misc. islands we see floating about the sky - would eventually go on to become the home of the Oocca, who were able to keep the skyward isle afloat for much longer than was originally intended with their advanced technology.  Further, the piece of land that Skyloft was formed from created the very crater that later became Lake Hylia, and it is from Lake Hylia that we are able to reach the City of the Sky in Twilight Princess. (Also, somewhat related: the Wind Tribe we see in Minish Cap were descended from a group of Skyloftians who kept their origins close to their heart, and eventually sought to return to the sky from whence they came, going so far as to master wind magic in order to do so.  Huzzah!)

Twili don’t need food or water in order to survive!  They sustain themselves with their own magical power, as this was a necessary adaptation given that the Twilight Realm has no plant or wildlife.  When Zant tells Link and Midna that the Twili had resigned themselves to a “miserable half-existence,” this is the sort of thing he was referring to - sure, they can survive without food or water, but sometimes, and especially in the early days, the specter of hunger and thirst hung over them like a thick pall.  They also don’t cast shadows (Zant does after his binding with Ganondorf, same with Midna after Zelda’s sacrifice) or are affected by warmth or cold (they can feel it, it just doesn’t really faze them), and the reason only Midna and Zant are shown to be wearing clothes is because there is little to no material to make clothes from within the Twilight Realm (see again: no plant or wildlife), so only members of the royal family and other “important” Twili get access to the stuff.  Everyone else makes do with shadow clothes! (More on that here!)

I gotta admit I don’t have much on the Picori/the Minish, except that they are a type of fae who probably exist to some extent in (most of) the games.  They like to hide Rupees and other trinkets for people to find around Hyrule, but by the era of Breath of the Wild, their numbers have dwindled dramatically due to the Calamity.

The Kokiri are also a type of fae (whose outfits resemble the knight uniforms of Skyloft for a very specific reason, but I won’t get into that here) whose destiny varies wildly depending on the timeline we’re looking at; in the Adult Timeline, where Link vanished and the gods destroyed Hyrule as all knew it, we know that they grew to be much more reclusive, taking on their “true” forms à la the Koroks.  But in the Child Timeline, where Twilight Princess takes place, the Kokiri were able to watch the Hero of Time grow up, and through him were able to get a feel for what the outside world had to offer.  Y’know how in Peter Pan, all the Lost Boys eventually need to go back home so they can grow up and lead normal lives?  The Kokiri decide, on their own time, that they wanna be Just Like Link, so they go out into the world and Become Real People, which is why we don’t see hide nor hair of them in Twilight Princess.  And speaking of Twilight Princess, our friendly neighborhood rancher Fado claims he’s named after his great-great-grandmother on his grandpappy’s side.  Ohoho!

The Lost Woods are a place where all Lost Things wind up!  Hylia tries to seal away the entrance to Termina entirely after trapping Majora there?  Portal in the Lost Woods.  OoT Zelda tries to seal away the Temple of Time in the Child Timeline so no one can use it to enter the Sacred Realm, after learning of what happened in the Adult Timeline? Bam, now it’s in the Lost Woods.  In an old, old headcanon of mine, this was the place where the line between the Real World and the Dream World (the Dream World which is Totally Real, I swear, it’s how Link’s Awakening was able to happen at all) was as thin as it could possibly be, which is why the woods are as mysterious as they are - anyone who wanders there risks the possibility of losing themselves, as the Dream is very alluring but very misleading. Kokiri and their fairies, being fae, are immune to these effects - and Link is immune, too, having called the forest his home for so long.

This is gonna be the most ridiculous thing on this entire list, but Navi actually got sent into the future at the end of Ocarina of Time, which is why Link was never able to find her.  They do reunite eventually, but only after he had a daughter with Malon whom he named after her...and after he died and became the Hero’s Shade. Oof. (Look, I swear to the gods, I’ll explain the “sent into the future” thing in a separate post if someone really wants me to, but it’s really, really dumb.  Nonetheless, I’m gonna die on this hill.)

I actually haven’t seen that post, but I just found it and I’ll give it a read!  Zora anatomy is definitely, uh, out there.  (Read: fish tiddies.) But at least they’re weird enough that I can excuse the existence of this human-zora hybrid child!  Right?

Lastly, my favorite color varies depending on my mood, but I usually just stick to saying teal - and I’m doing pretty good!  Writing all this up definitely gave me a serotonin boost, at least.

This was a whole lot of fun - thanks for the ask!

[yourfaveisamunkid]

Percabeth are MUN kids

P e r s e U s 

- He’s got the charisma and quick wit to be a worthy delegate at any conferences.

- His dad’s Poseidon, so he LOVES doing GAs about marine life.

- Every power del (Except Annabeth) hates him because he slacks off all the time yet always ends up with a gavel.

- His STREET SMARTS make him very helpful in committees.

- He talks to horses, who help him gather information.

- He’s definitely fallen asleep in campaign before.

- But when he gets scary... he. Is. Terrifying.

- His eyes get all stormy and he actually develops a good posture.

- “With all due respect, that’s incorrect.”

- “Hey, wise girl, are you hearing this?”

- A Hawaiian shirt is essential with every suit he wears.

- Definitely says present and voting to make fun of Annabeth because she always says present and voting.

- “According to Frederick II, the working class in Ukraine in 1965 was HORRIBLY oppressed.” “Uhh... who was Frederick-” “-An appaloosa I interviewed. That’s a primary source. I will be taking no more questions.”

- “What do you mean a dolphin doesn’t count as a primary source? HE WAS THE ONE CHOKING ON PLASTIC.”

“Present.... and voting.”

- “Hey, I brought Jolly Ranchers! Anyone want one? What color do you want? Oh, well, I’ve only got blue, so...”

A N N Abeth 

- I shouldn’t even have to say this, but power del.

- She polishes all her gavels and lines the Athena cabin with them.

- As a child of Athena, she loves to compete in order to show of her intelligence.

- She secretly loves to double del with Percy, though she’ll never admit it.

- Has an extensive amount of research in literally every topic.

- Remember that one time she identified a shotgun on SIGHT? Total MUN kid move.

- Her obsession with architecture makes her great when representing Classical figures from Greece and Rome

- She always, ALWAYS questions sources.

- She loves to say “Present and Voting” because she knows it aggravates the mortals.

- Athena loves watching her and Percy compete with Poseidon. 

- In a crisis, she’s always got the most dramatic arcs.

- She doesn’t play by the rules. She WILL attempt to assassinate Stalin 3 times after selling U.S. secrets to the Russians.

- In GAs, she gives the best speeches.

- All her outfits are color coordinated.

- She uses her Yankees cap to snoop on the other delegate’s papers.

- She will hurt you if you make her a signatory.

- She’s the excec board leader at Camp Half-Blood.

- “Me? A signatory? [Laughs].

- “My source? COMMON SENSE.”

- “For a Renaissance philosopher, you sure are stupid.”

- “Brothers and sisters, the time for a rebellion is nigh.”

- [Passes a gossipy note to Percy.]

- “I can’t start a cult? We’re in CRISIS.”

- “I know a bit of French, so allow me to read a letter from a humble French Shepard who wrote during the Revolution.”

- “Present and VOTING.”

- “Alright, let’s skip the small talk- what’re your thoughts on Socialism?”

- “Seaweed brain, wanna team up and impeach the chair?”

- “Man, Dionysus should just hurry up and claim literally EVERY CSMUN delegate.”

- “Point of order?”

- “Yes, are you aware of the effects that this could have on the children who rely on the bread that comes from the wheat from the very fields you’re planning to nuke?”

- “SKIP THE PREAMBS. We’re not in DISEC, for gods’ sake.”

P e r c a b e t h ????????

- Separately, both are good. 

- Like Solangelo, however, when together... they are unstoppable

- Since Annabeth and Percy are both charmers, they take turns giving speeches and pass notes.

- They both love double delling

- When they’re together they are the most chaotic

- They’ve definitely started a cult during Salem witch trials

- They assassinate the same kid every Crisis because he talked down to Annabeth one time

- Both are very passionate, very scary, and very angry

- Percy loves coming up with acronyms for papers

- In a Crisis, they always try to outdo themselves

- They come up with the most hard-hitting, thought provoking questions during Q&As.

- “I’m sorry, WHAT did you say to my partner?”

- “Good evening, dishonorable delegates.”

- “Okay, only you five are allowed in our bloc.”

- “A signatory? Me? Why not just ask us to GIVE you the gavel?”

- “You can make me a signatory, but I’m taking all our clauses. Oh, don’t worry- I have a printed copy of them all.”

- “I may have gotten all the ladies accused of witchcraft to join me and overthrow the judicial system.” “I love you.”

- “ThERe’s A GREEK MYTHOLOGY COMITTEE???”

- “Off policy? At least we DID something, unlike the whole Eastern European bloc over there.”

- “Fellow comrades, I think we can all agree that this was NOT the play.”

- “See? The Jackson-Chase Insanity Postulate never fails. Do the craziest thing possible, win the gavel.”

- “Okay, I’ll take the gavel on Monday through Thursday, you can get it on the weekends.”

- “So, even if I punched a political enemy of ours, that would still be illegal, right?”

- “Hey, best dressed! Sweet!”

- “Dating? I think you mean one, united, powerful country.” 

[warsofasoiaf]

Been a while since you did a character analysis essay on New Vegas. Any chance you want to write one up on Joshua Graham or Raul Tejeda?-TBH

What a coincidence. I’ve actually been playing a New Vegas game. I did a Grunt build this time.

Man, I could write a huge longform essay on Joshua Graham, but I need to knuckle down on the second part of my geopolitics essay, currently meandering my way through a paragraph on arms control. My sister had her baby last week so I’ve been having little free time as of late. So I can write one on Raul and I can work on a big one like Joshua Graham after I finish writing my promised essay.

Raul Tejada is a great case study on the effects of growing old with the added wrinkle of a character who is actually immune to aging physically but feels the effects of it mentally, which is a neat twist because part of the process of aging is accepting the inevitability of death while ghouls can theoretically live forever. Sarcastically and fantastically voiced by Danny Trejo, Raul provides some biting comic relief and along with Cass adds the Western element to the game. While the factional struggles with the NCR and Legion, the glitz of New Vegas form the second act of the game, Goodsprings, Primm, and the pursuit of Benny borrows a lot of the hallmarks of Western films, a genre which was a fascinating expression of American culture, both positively and negatively (I could write an essay about that too). 

Raul is a classic Western archetype, the old retired gunslinger. Many of the Western cowboy traditions come from Spain via Mexico in the traditions of the vaquero, the Spanish horseback rancher, where it’s even speculated that the term “buckaroo” is a linguistic adoption and corruption of the term vaquero. From an early age, Raul was a colorful character in his Pre-War life, a mechanic and marksman with occasional bouts with the law (I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was a racer as well). After the bombs, Raul and his family tried his best to care for refugees, but limited supplies forced his father to cast them out. The refugees retaliated by setting his farm ablaze, killing his family and only Raul and his sister Rafaela were able to escape. There were a few pursuers, and Raul killed them, but elected to care for Rafaela instead of pursuing vengeance against his family’s killers. 

In Mexico City, Raul cared for his sister as best he could, even adopting the vaquero outfit to make her laugh, as morale was important to a family who lost everything. He became a recognizable icon, but this did not solve his problems. For all his silly hat made Rafaela smile and his pistols kept her safe, the legend invited youngbloods to try their luck, just as young hotshot cattlemen in Hays City or Abilene kept trying to make a name for themselves knocking off the legendary Wild Bill after drinking themselves full of liquid courage. Eventually, the radiation sickness got too bad, and Raul was unable to keep himself healthy. In that moment, raiders violated Rafaela in every sense of the word, and Raul hunted them down and killed every one of them, electing for vengeance the way he did not with his other family, for now he was all that was left in the world. Truly, even “Raul” died in Mexico City, as the radiation transformed him into a ghoul, and he elected to take on a new identity as “Miguel,” wearing a dead man’s name as he wore his jumpsuit.

From there, “Miguel” went to Tuscon, where he attempted to distance himself from his gunfighting, what he believed had brought on the misery he suffered, and took on the job of a handyman and mechanic, a valuable skill in the post-apocalyptic scavenging world of Fallout. There was 75 years of peace, and Miguel seemed to find peace and friendship in the form of the locals of Tuscon, now called “Two-Sun,” and the prostitute Claudia. Again, this is a trope straight out of Western fiction, the hooker with the heart of gold, the secret gunfighter, it’s all there. Yet, raiders still persisted, and when Dirty Dave and his compadres came to Tuscon, they bought some ammo, shot up the brothel, and took Claudia hostage. Consumed as he was when Rafaela died, “Miguel” pursued Dirty Dave and killed them to the last, but Claudia was already dead. He fought hard, and clawed his way back to down being pecked by vultures the whole way (shades of Eddie Rickenbacker here after one of his plane crashes). This actually informs why he is so tolerant of the Legion as compared to the other characters, he’s experienced the horrors of raiders first-hand, so those who eliminate them satisfy him in a way others do not. Similarly, as he experienced his mishaps primarily because there was nothing to stop them, he can give the Legion almost a pass for enforcing their brutal kind of order.

Raul was then forced into his dilemma. He felt his age, and was unsure of what to do with himself. Neither embracing nor foreswearing violence brought him any peace, there was always problems. What was he to do with his life, when he could find no achievable destination that gave him comfort? In his travels with the Courier, Raul learns of others who faced the same dilemma he did. Ranger Andy’s arms and legs were injured in a grenade blast, so he took on a mentorship role with Outpost Charlie and even teaches the Courier a handy trick, showing his mind is still sharp if his body has given up on him. Loyal of the Boomers has shown his value in providing his experience to the rest of the Boomers, that he went old with grace and passed down his skills to the young and acted as a leader to them. By contrast, Corporal Stirling of 1st Recon was injured and tortured, but was tough enough to escape. Even though his body was wounded and he was getting older, his patience and eyesight gave him the skill to be an incredible sharpshooter. There were ways out, people had found them, Raul simply hadn’t found them yet. Being exposed to them gives him the resolution he needs to make peace with his decision, that it can be done and he can do it.

If he elects to step down from gunfighting, Raul takes joy in craft, in helping others, and in being a member of a community. He feels value in his knowledge, and can feel comfortable letting the young fight while he guides them, perhaps even training a new group of gunslingers to protect the next community so he doesn’t have to experience another Tuscon. If instead, he elects to take up the outfit of the vaquero again, he takes pride in his experience to continue his crusade. There will always be those who prey upon the weak, and Raul has the knowledge that his eternal life has given him to wear the white hat, to take up the pistols and be the one who sets things to right. If neither happens, then Raul simply takes on a new name and continue to run from his problems.

A great character, worthy of addition.

Thanks for the question, TBH.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

[marumbahusky]

HSDstuck episode 1

bl[Enter a dark house, here stands, well rather sits a man in a funny looking outfit, with an ugly green and white suit, almost neon green and blinding white, over this ugly outfit would be a half green half red, the color of animal flesh, and the red side had pictures of meat all of it and on the green side, pictures of candy, ranging from sugar drops to jolly ranchers. The man, was currently occupied talking about random online topics in a chatting service called Hordboard, in the chatting server of his favorite web comic about soup called Homestew. Then something beside his computer beeped and then went silent, he jolted up and checked the noise right next to him, looking into a machine, this machine which is only defined by looking like an SNES but with many flaps on the top, like as if many games. The ugly man jumped again and ran around his dark cave-like room, yelling that the demo is ready, over and over again. The man then jumoed back into his seat and pulled out a file card thingy from the SNES, the file card having a drawing of a circle with more circles within that circle, and a title of SBURB. After grabbing the card file he inserted it into a smaller machine connected to the computer, and his screen went black, the computer then prompted the question asking “how many copies of SBURB phase 1 to be sent?” the man thought of a nice, uneven number, of 11. The computer spat out the last command “copies sent” the man sneered as he went back to Hordboard.]

A strange man stands in his room, what is this person’s online persona?

[enter a$$bla$ter420.... After trying the name you did not type in, but pretend you did, it rejects it and instead goes with Carlac]

Carlac is a nice fellow who loves the universally loved web comic, Homestew, more importantly, he loves the alien soup maker character known as nepeta, the cat loving, and gun loving? character.  He strives to be just like her, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING MUST BE HER. His clothes, meant to be the same as her,  the same as that sweet queen of the hunt. Blue nike shoes, black pants, a darker black belt, a black shirt with an olive green symbol that she bears.A green, long jacket over the base outfit, orange and yellow horns glued. to Carlac’s head, and to complete the outfit, a blue hat with a cat’s face on it.His house is littered with bullets, bullet holes in the walls and small yet dead animals that have been shot with multiple types of guns, which could be told by the size of the wound. Carlac would pounce onto his computer chair littered with holes and claw mark, human made ones. a green application would appear onto the screen in the center part of the computer screen, spelling out SBURB beta by Toshiki Inoue, whoever the hell he is. Carlac clicked this strange app, then his power went out, throughout the house. Carlac prowled around the house, like his queen of the hunt would, only to be greeted with bright green letters in front of him, floating like a friendly ghost, covered in green glob, the bold text spoke out options in a text to speech voice, “Start session solo” was the first choice, the last one, “force begin all sessions within save file”. Carlac had no idea he got himself into, so carlac chose the start session solo option. The house glowed green and it all changed from there... 

[S] Begin

[thelastofgala]

Hello ^_^ I was curious what are your thoughts on like the choice of Ellie’s clothes? A lot of fans were speculating that she was wearing a style similar to Riley’s with the vest and all. And also she normally always puts her hair into a ponytail and this time it looks like it’s a bun lol. Do you think she just wanted to change it up or, is it a quicker hairstyle to put together? Anyways yeah .. have a nice day!

Hey! So while I’m not sure abut Ellie’s hair (I do think it’s a matter of practicality overall)….I have DEFINITE feelings about Ellie’s clothes. Bear with me for just a second here…I need visuals lol.

So first, by Riley’s vest, I’m assuming you mean the open button-up shirt that she wears in Left Behind?

Okay, so while I do see some similarities between this and the outfit that Ellie wears in the trailers, personally, I don’t tend to think there’s anything behind that. What’s more noticeable to me here is that Ellie used to dress much more colorfully in the previous game than she does in the trailers for the sequel, and this could indicate something about her outlook as she matures. It COULD be that the devs are trying to invoke our feelings for Riley by sending us a subtle, visual cue (white shirt under darker button-up). But at the end of the day, if Ellie were going to be wearing Riley’s shirt or dressing like Riley, I would expect that she’d be doing this in The Last of Us, not The Last of Us, Pt. II.

HOWEVER. The similarities between Joel and Ellie’s clothes are far more compelling to me. Please stay for my Ted Talk.

So, some fans have pointed out striking similarities between Joel’s shirt in the Spring chapter of The Last of Us and the shirt that Ellie is wearing in the trailers, and these observations I REALLY like. I’ll show you why.

So here’s Joel. Joel’s shirt in Salt Lake City is a classic, gray/blue Western style men’s shirt with pointed seams at the shoulders and snap buttons. It’s also known as a Roper shirt, and it’s the type of shirt ranchers would wear, and the cowboys of American folklore.

Now, here’s Ellie. First off, the the color and texture both seem slightly lighter here, but that doesn’t concern me. The color could have easily faded over the years, and the fabric worn thin. Note that Ellie’s shirt is very baggy in the shoulders. From this visual, we can also see that it has front flap pockets, little shiny snap buttons, and cut-off sleeves. It is a LOT like Joel’s. Here’s another shot of her in what seems to be the same shirt:

So all of these things are great, but there must be more, right? Yes, stick with me.

Okay, so what’s actually REALLY important to note here is the location of the buttons. Men’s shirts always close with the left flap over the right. While women’s shirts close with the right over the left. I double-checked this by comparing my and my husband’s closets. I also ran a google search to find women’s western style shirts with snaps, to see if it holds true, and it does. Here’s a nice lady from westernshirts.com modeling a similar style shirt to Joel’s, only in a women’s fit:

See? Opposite sides. Now, if you scroll back up and look at Riley’s shirt, the snap buttons are on the RIGHT-HAND side, just like this nice lady’s, while on Joel’s AND Ellie’s they are on the LEFT-HAND side.

Ellie is wearing a men’s shirt. AND ONE MORE THING:

I didn’t see this initially, but I just went back to check and was able to capture a shot from the original teaser, showing that Ellie’s shirt has the same pointed seams at the shoulders as Joel’s, telltale of the Western style. AH.

So, is Ellie wearing Joel’s shirt? I DON’T KNOW FOR SURE. I COULD BE MAKING ALL THIS UP. But it certainly fucking seems like she is, and I have no idea what that means. Thank you for reading. :’-)

[jayykesley]

8-10, 16-22 for ALL OF YOUR OCS FROM "THE APPRENTICES" (really the main ones: Carson, Lorelei, Derick, Rosalyn, Roswell, and a bonus OC of your choice)

8. What clothing style?

Lorelei: Very girly, so she wearsprimarily dresses and skirts and high heels. Kind of a sparkly-girly-librariantype of look? Pockets added to everything obviously, as well as tulle or lacetrim, just to make any outfit have that little extra SomethingTM.

Carson: His style is likecombination lumberjack-slash-fifties(?) look, like he’s got the rugged jeansand the white t-shirt with the short sleeves rolled up just below the shouldersand the red plaid overshirt. He prefers casual, loose-fitting clothes. Allabout comfort and mobility and wearing things until they fall apart.

Derick: Because of his childhood andthe culture he grew up in, Derick’s style consists mainly of dress pants andfitted button-ups w/ vests/suspenders/ties/etc. Not always particularlycomfortable, but he feels sorely underdressed and out-of-place in anythingless.

Rosalyn: If a piece of clothing fitsher larger frame, and can hide stains for at least a little while, Rosalyn willwear it. Mostly wears sleeveless shirts, or cuts the sleeves off, because shehas broad shoulders and large arms that don’t always fit comfortably in theshirts she finds. Has like one (1) pair of loose cargo pants that she’s beenwearing for literal years and refuses to get rid of. Neutral colors mostly soshe doesn’t have to think about matching stuff.

Roswell: I imagine him wearingregular old jeans, but with either comfy sweaters or fun graphic tees that hegets his hands on. He’s not picky about clothing, but he does like to have funso his shirts are always brightly colored with reds or yellows or purples.

Valentina/Violet (I can’t land on aname for her for some reason): Similar to Lorelei, in that she’s very girly,but definitely not “librarian chic”. Vibrant pinks, glitter, maybe some furoccasionally if she’s going out? Crop tops are a definite staple in her closet.

9. What is their favourite foodafter a break-up?

Lorelei: Her favorite comfort food,especially after getting her heart broken, would probably be frozen yogurt or agiant cinnamon bun glazed in icing. Something sweet and filling that you mightnot have on a daily basis.

Carson: Soft pretzels nachos, pasta,just something that is absolutely soggy in melted cheese.

Derick: Not so much food, but wineor some other alcoholic drink that would make him forget how bad he feels abouthimself

Rosalyn: Red meat, which is what sheeats a lot of to begin with, but just way way more stuff those badfeelings away

Roswell: Candy. He’d just shoveldown handfuls of jolly ranchers and licorice, ignoring how gross he feels veryquickly after doing this

V: Chocolate covered strawberriesand caramel apples and every sweet thing she shared with the boy because shedoesn’t need him to enjoy things she doesn’t miss him she never evencared that much about him to begin with--

10. Their favourite thing to doafter a break-up?

 Lorelei/V: Watch bad movies togetherand have a girls night: popcorn, ice cream, probably watch Legally Blonde. Oneis always right there ready to comfort the other when it seems like thingsmight go sorrow.

 Carson: He throws himself into a newproject, whether that’s working on Bonnie, his car, or crafting something outof wood. Carson gets attached and wears his heart on his sleeve, so no matterhow short the relationship was, he’s probably hurting quite a lot. When hefeels like he’s got a handle on the situation, then he can talk to Lorelei andwork on moving on.

 Derick: Just gets real depressed andsleeps/watches TV a lot. Leaves the house/showers/cleans even less than usual.Eventually he’ll get out of his funk, but it might take him a while.

Rosalyn: Probably trains to workthrough her emotions; first she’s angry because she feels like that personwasted her time, then she feels embarrassed for letting herself be hopeful likethat, then angry again... it’s a vicious cycle, and one she’s working on.

Roswell: Cry and talk to literallyanyone who will listen. Obviously everybody is more than happy to be hisshoulder to cry on, but Roswell bounces back about as quickly as he fell forthe girl in the first place.

 16. Their favourite comfort food?

Same as the break-up food, comfort food is really what I was thinking ofwhen I answered that question

17. What’s a food they hate?

Lorelei: Probably something likemeat loaf? It’s cheap, somewhat filling, and easy to make so it’s often whather mother used to make when she was a child. It wasn’t bad necessarily, buthaving multiple times a week for years has made her nauseous at the thought ofit

Carson: There really isn’t a lotCarson won’t eat. Originally Victor wasn’t a very good chef, so Carson wasresigned to eating either burnt/undercooked meals or microwave dinners for hischildhood. Maybe something like liver he might refuse.

Derick: He’ll eat meat, but he won’teat meat that still resembles the animal when it was alive -- fish that isn’tfried or in some way no longer resembles fish, he won’t eat. Doesn’t eatchicken legs or anything like that either.

Rosalyn: Bread. Specifically, whitebread. No one can figure out why, but Rosalyn absolutely positively will notconsume plain white bread. Everyone thinks its some big thing, but she swearsup and down it’s just that it grosses her out.

Roswell: Again, eats nearlyeverything. Maybe won’t eat oatmeal, because that’s just sloppy slime andRoswell can’t do that

V: Microwave meals that taste likemicrowave meals (which obvi is 99% of them). She swears she can taste theplastic film in the food.

18. Their music taste?

Lorelei/V: Love radio-pop. Ifeel like they’d both be huge fans of people like Ariana Grande and Ed Sheeranand people like that

Carson: He’s a sucker for 80′s and90′s rock and pop; Survivor, Billy Joel, Britney Spears, all that good stuff

Derick: Not really picky aboutmusic? Usually just listens to whatevers on. Probably a secret Emo Kid

Rosalyn: Really prefers classicalinstrumental music. She doesn’t zone out often, but instrumental music helpsher relax the few times she feels she’s allowed to.

Roswell: Would probably be reallyinto disco and/or Disney soundtracks?? Also a huge musical nerd, so Broadwaysoundtracks are his JAM

19.Is there a story behind their name/meaning?

Lorelei: I thought that “Lorelei”was a very pretty name and that it was a shame more characters weren’t calledthat. “Bullock” was a placeholder until I settled on her “real” last name, butBullock stuck so

Carson: Intended to remind me thathe would resemble Carswell Thorne in personality/serve as a place holder aswell (he’s changed a bit from his original design). “Davies” is the last nameof one of the original inspirations for the character Peter Pan, and was toserve as a reminder that Carson is a more relaxed, care-free person

Derick: No special meaning, justcame to me moments after I decided he was birthed from my mind-hole and thename has stuck ever since.

Rosalyn: Saw that picture that Ialways use as my face-claim for her, instantly decided she was either a“Rosalyn” or a “Rosalind”. I went with Rosalyn because, i dunno i just thoughtit fit her better.

Roswell: Originally he was going tobe called “Brandon” or something similar, but I came across the name “Roswell”and thought “oh yeah thatd be funny, Rosalyn and Roswell” and, well, as withevery character, the name just stuck

Violet/Valentina: Originally“Violet”, but I’ve since done some work on her character and feel that“Valentina” fits her better, but my mind is still latched onto “Violet”, soI’ve been calling her V for the time being.

20.Something they do that seems childish to others?

Lorelei/V: Not childish per se, butpeople might think them immature since they really like fashion and makeup andpretty things

Carson: Sings to himself constantly.

Derick: It might seem childish tosomeone who’s never owned a pet, but oh my gosh the flip-flopping betweenbaby-talking to Ragsy, and having a full-on real conversation with her

Rosalyn: Pinky promises. Not onlydoes she hold promises as Law, but pinky promises are the Highest Law

Roswell: His long run-on sentencesand tendency to speak rapidly in giant chunks. He can come off like an excitedlittle kid, but really he just hasn’t lost his sense of wonder for the world.

21.What is their all-time favourite TV show?

Lorelei: Great British Bake Off.I’ve never personally seen it, but it sounds like something she’d love XD

Carson: How It’s Made

Derick: Painting with Bob Ross

Rosalyn: Ancient Aliens

Roswell: I sat here for ten minutesand i genuinely cannot think of what his favorite show would be, so thanksHobbs XD

V: Catfish

22. What is their all-time favoritemovie?

Lorelei: 2005 Pride and Prejudice

Carson: HSM 2

Derick: All Dogs Go To Heaven/Aristocats

Rosalyn: National Treasure

Roswell: Jungle Book

V: Black Panther (because she’s real into Michael B. Jordan)

Sorry this is late, but I wanted to give real good answers. Thanks!

[lovemesomesurveys]

grey; x1 Has a rainy day ever ruined your plans? Yeah. There were a couple times where I was at an outdoor thing and caught in a rain storm.

x2 When was the last time you experienced a snow day, if ever? It doesn’t snow here. :(

x3 Do you think you could survive a month of solitary confinement? Nooo. I like my alone time, but I wouldn’t want to be completely alone with just me and my thoughts and no one else to talk to for that long. As it is, at night when I’m the only one up is bad cause I’m just lonely in my own head thinking about everything and just.. s a d.

x4 When was the last time you yawned? Earlier. *shrug*

x5 What is something that you find utterly boring? Sports.

x6 What noise|sound can put you to sleep? I listen to ASMR.

x7 When you are upset, do you tend to shut others out? Yes. I shut down and just want to be alone and not talk to anyone.

x8 Do you often start books, yet never finish them? It’s happened, but no it’s not something I typically do.

x9 When was the last time you felt abandoned by someone? i kind of feel that way with Ty.

x1o What do you feel like, typically, when you wake up in the morning? I saw this post that was like, “I’m naturally irritated when I wake up so you need to just give me some time” and I’m like same. I need my coffee first.

red; x1 Does anything small tick you off? Like what? Yeah. Some days every little thing will just irritate me.

x2 Does the sight of blood gross you out? Yeah, I’m squeamish around it. I can’t look when getting blood drawn. I hate when they have to show you the vial with your info on it for you to confirm.

x3 Do you like red roses, or do you prefer another color? I like them. Other colors are pretty, too.

x4 What is something you like to eat that is red? Spaghetti sauce.

x5 Do you look good in this color? I’ve been told that. *shrug*

x6 When you’re angry, do you literally see red? No.

x7 Have you ever gone through a red light? I don’t drive.

x8 Do you fail to stop for stop signs, sometimes? I don’t drive.

x9 What is one of your major turn-offs? Arrogance.

x1o Is this one of your favorite colors, by any chance? I like it, sure. It’s not one I list when listing my favorite colors, though.

blue; x1 When was the last time you were near the ocean? Back in August.

x2 What is your favorite eye color in the opposite sex? Blue or green.

x3 When was the last time you felt glum? I’m always feeling doom and glum.

x4 Do you know anyone who has depression|is depressed? Yep. Including yours truly.

x5 Have you personally ever felt depressed? Yepppp.

x6 When you are sad, do you cheer yourself up, or look to others? I just try and distract myself with stuff like surveys, Tumblr, ASMR, TV, reading, coloring...

x7 During which year of your life were you the most unhappy? These past 3 years have been especially rough.

x8 Have you ever seen a bluejay in person? I don’t believe so.

x9 Have you ever consumed a blue-colored drink? Yeah.

x1o Would this color look good on you? I guess.

green; x1 Is there anything you recycle, or should recycle? We recycle plastic bottles.

x2 Do you like leaves better in the summer|spring, or in the fall? Fall.

x3 What is your favorite aspect of life? My family and things I enjoy.

x4 When was the last time you were purposely amongst nature? Back in August when I went to the beach.

x5 Do you care about Mother Earth? I do, but I admit that I don’t do as much as I could and should be doing.

x6 What do you think of global warming & the greenhouse effect? Yikes.

x7 Do you wear the color green often? No. I don’t think I have anything green, actually...

x8 Do you like the appearance of green eyes? Yes.

x9 Have you ever eaten grass|leaves? Ew, no.

x1o Do you typically like green-colored candies? There’s been some. I remember in high school I loved those caramel apple suckers and those Jolly Rancher ones as well.

orange; x1 Who is the most energetic and happy person you know of? Actually, it’d be my pup.

x2 Who makes you smile the most often? That same energetic, happy, goofy pup.

x3 How do you express your happiness? If there’s something I’m excited or happy about I’ll be animated and excitable when talking about it.

x4 Are you affectionate? In what ways, if so? I hug my mom a lot and tell her I love her, and I’m cuddly and lovey with my pup.

x5 When was the last time you did a good deed? I don’t know.

x6 Has someone helped you out in a big way, recently? Yes.

x7 What songs make you happy? Christmas music just gives me that special, holly jolly feeling.

x8 Do you like to sing? I like to sing along to songs I like, but I definitely don’t sing well. ha.

x9 Where is somewhere that holds fond memories for you? Disneyland.

x1o Do you like to watch the setting|rising sun? I couldn’t tell you the last time I’ve done that, but yeah when I catch it it’s nice. black; x1 Do you know of anyone who is going down the wrong track? Besides myself, my older brother is really going through a bad time right now.

x2 Have you ever hit rock bottom? I feel like I’ve been living there for awhile.

x3 Is there anything you are obsessed with or addicted to? Coffee and certain TV shows and movies that I’m obsessed with.

x4 Do you wear a lot of black clothing? *Looks down at the all black outfit I have on* You could say that.

x5 What do you think of the gothic stereotype? *shrug*

x6 Have you ever encountered a black widow? Noooo.

x7 What scares you, more than anything else? Losing my loved ones.

x8 If there was no afterlife, could you handle it? I believe there is.

x9 Have you ever listened to Stairway to Heaven backwards? Yeah.

x1o What is your favorite color for a pair of pants? Dark wash blue jeans.

yellow; x1 Do you like going out in the sun? Not unless I’m at the beach.

x2 When in life did you feel the most care-free? When I was a kid. And it’s not that I didn’t have obstacles or things to worry about either, but honestly those things aren’t what really stands out when I think of my childhood. I had a good childhood. I was also a brave, resilient kid and not the scared, weak adult I am now.

x3 Do you smile at people you don’t know? If we make eye contact.

x4 Are you well-hydrated? Do you like water? I try to be, but I could definitely be drinking more water.

x5 Has an animal ever peed on you? Yeah.

x6 What is a color you don’t think you look good in? I don’t know.

x7 What would make a cool substitute color for the sun? It’s fine as is.

x8 What does the color yellow remind you of? The sun.

x9 Do you think yellow is an ugly color to paint a room? Depends on the shade.

x1o What is something near you that is yellow? There’s some yellow print on my comforter and pillow.

purple; x1 Which do you prefer: purple or pink? I like both.

x2 Does purple remind you of royalty? Sure.

x3 What is your favorite color of the sunset|sunrise? Orange, yellow, and pink all swirled together.

x4 Is there a color you just hate? Not a fan of brown.

x5 Do you think guys look good in purple? Sure.

x6 Is purple a good color for a car? Eh.

x7 Do you prefer green or purple|red grapes? Green.

x8 What is something you like that is sour? I don’t like sour stuff.

x9 What color do you think goes well with purple? pink.

x1o What color is your birthstone? Ruby red.

[shitmoviesonshitwifi]

Rodeo and Juliet

Here is my play by play reaction to this movie. 

1. So there is a girl named Juliet and she is moving to her grandfather’s ranch with her mom after his death. 

2. She is pissed that she has to move, but then she meets this horse, Rodeo, apparently she had riding lessons in NYC but can’t saddle a horse.

3. Seriously, she just like throws it in the air with the strength of a 9 month old infant.

4. She makes friends with Nan, like who the fuck names their kid Nan? Anyway, she is the only black person in the whole town so far. 

5. Nan takes her to a barn dance and introduces her little brother, so two black people so far. (this movie does not seem to accurately represent the beautiful diversity of our nation)

6. Some mean girls approach Nan and Juliet. They claim that Juliet’s outfit looks like, “a clearance rack at Chicos”. 

7. Juliet is wearing like a black leather jacket and black jeans and black heels, I mean they aren’t Prada but the outfit isn’t bad.

8. Anyway, Juliet comes back with “I’ll let Lana del Rey know you said that next time I’m backstage at one of her concerts like last weekend” and, “Oh my mom’s friend Calvin designed this outfit, Calvin Klein.”

9. Super cringey so far and way too detailed for a comeback.

10. Some country boy approaches Juliet and she dips out of the way for another cowboy and pretends he is her date, this movie is so cliche so obviously they fall for each other. Not actually sure what his name is.

11. Meanwhile, Mom is at judge’s office looking for a will or statement entitling her to the ranch meanwhile some Billy Ray knock off comes in saying he has paper that entitles him to half of the ranch. Judge said it was never official.

12. We find out his name is Hugh and he was the grandpa’s right hand man.

13. A lot has happened and I cannot really follow but I guess the mom is now employed at the Judge’s office and is helping look for a will.

14. Juliet’s mom says to stay away from Loverboy since he is Hugh’s nephew and therefore the enemy. 

15. Oh and btw Mom tells Juliet they have to sell the horse.

16. Juliet throws a fit and then learns of a barrel racing competition and thinks that if she and Rodeo win that she can’t sell him or the ranch.

17. Loverboy offers to teach her and says that she knows he’ll do anything for her, so their relationship is going hella fast, like it has only been 2 days.

18. Since Juliet is supposed to stay away from them she convinces her mom to let her ride Rodeo at Nan’s ranch

19. I suspect she’ll be riding Loverboy too, if ya catch my drift ;)

20. Training montage and searching for document montage begins.

21. Hugh and Loverboy have the same haircut and hat, little freaky.

22. Loverboy has a really pointy chin

23. Also horse is pretty little/scrawny for being a barrel racing horse

24. I have been informed by Ari (roommate) that Loverboy’s name is Monty.

25. So Juliet has been practicing for like 2 days and she’s already a god at the game

26. Definitely a hallmark movie due to the nature and quick, hard to follow plot and lack of diversity.

27. Wait! There are two more black people, a receptionist at the county clerks office and a dude in line. Ari: “still no asian people!”

28. Everyone drives really big, really shiny trucks

29. So some random dude with a weird beard shows up while mom is sweeping the driveway. 

30. His name is bill Atterbury and he is looking for the grandpa, mom says he is not here and fails to mention that he is dead. 

31. Okay now she mentions it all dramatic like. 

32. Anyway, homeboy wants to buy the horse. 

33. Oh and apparently mom is trying to get him to buy the land too. 

34. This convo is going down like the opening to a cheesy 80′s porno (at least I am assuming so)

35. Ooh she invited him in for some lemonade..... and probably some sex too.

36. JK it is just really cheesy to invite a stranger in for lemonade.

37. The low visual quality and cheesy movie tropes make me honestly question if this is a hallmark movie or a bad 80′s porn.

38. Juliet is wearing some black off the shoulder shirt with big white lettering that says NYC with neon paint splatters.

39. It looks like it was purchased anywhere but NY, probably the juniors section of a SEARS department store.

40. Her hair keeps changing colors from dark brown to auburn, now she has a blonde streak in it.

41. Okay mom is now explaining her childhood in this small town. 

42. Her mom died when she was 10 and her dad attached to her really hard, which seems normal since she is his only family left. 

43. She was once in love with Hugh, engaged even, she liked the idea of being a rancher’s wife. 

44. Then she fell in love with writing and ran off to New York, her dad and Hugh obviously did not approve. 

45. Whatever she had with Hugh ended when she left and then she met Juliet’s dad and so on. 

46. She admits that she really loved Hugh. Something tells me she still does and that they may get together again.

47. This entire movie I thought that Juliet took WRITING lessons in NYC but she was taking RIDING lessons in NYC, and apparently her grandpa paid for them.

48. This explains why she is so good at barrel racing, doesn’t explain why she can’t put a saddle on a horse. 

49. Another off the shoulder top, what is up with this chick?!

50. Nan is always wearing a Canadian tuxedo ( Denim Jeans, Denim shirt, and Denim jacket)

51. Nan and Juliet are having girl talk and Nan is teasing Juliet for having a crush on Monty but like she’s already been on a date with him and kissed him so this shouldn’t really be a shock for Nan.

52. Monty takes Juliet to a tree grove on their horses and claims he has never taken anyone there before. 

53. They kiss on horseback, as if this movie weren’t cliche enough

54. Why is Juliet always whispering in the horse’s ear like it understands english, it doesn’t.

55. WTF Nan is eating out of a feed bag with her hands, I don’t think it’s feed but that is still weird.

56. Mom shows up while everyone is practicing and Monty hides in the worst hiding spot imaginable, I expect nothing less from this movie.

57. Apparently it’s Christmas time??!?!?!?!

58. Nan pulls the whole flattery trope with the Mom to distract her and of course it works because this movie is cliche AF

59. Hugh drops off a wreath for someone.

60. Ohhh is it the mom, I wonder if he still has feels for her.

61. Ari : “It’s for Juliet” me: ewww gross.

62. Okay mom appears outside wearing some sort of hoodie/jean jacket that 2011 Justin Bieber would wear.

63. I was right. Hugh says some BS about how he always hoped she would come back.

64. Now he tries to convince her that the grandpa always wanted them to share the ranch.

65. Now they are calling each other out on their issues.

66. Alright back to Juliet and Rodeo, just brushing.

67. Mom has decorated a small office tree that doesn’t light up on top.

68. Oh mom has found a will saying that Mom and Hugh have to split the land. Something tells me she won’t mind as much.

69. Wait, mom finds out about Juliet and Monty and now she says she has to withdrawal from the competition because she lied. daughter says she lied too, about her past in this town.

70. Uh oh mom is selling the horse to Hugh.

71. obviously this isn’t the end of Juliet’s racing career.

72. Oh shoot Hugh is ranting about how the ranch and horse should go to someone who loves it as much as the grandpa did. 

73. Mom spills the beans about the will.

74. Now they feel guilty for dragging the kids in when really they were just confused about themselves but really it isn’t that hard because they found the document so move on already.

75. Whoa, Hugh confesses that he went to NYC to find the mom when he heard she was getting married. 

76. Cue the “ I never stopped loving you cliche”

77. They both talk about memories rushing back and all that jazz.

78. Of course, Hugh tips his hat back and they start making out. 

79. EW! If they get married that would make Monty and Juliet Step-cousins that make-out.

80. Okay so it is competition day and mom and Hugh show up. 

81. I don’t know why she is competing anymore because mom is probably not going to sell Rodeo and the ranch now that she and Hugh are together.

82. Monty and Juliet apologize for sneaking around but mom supports the relationship which is gross if they end up being step-cousins.

83. Wait, apparently the current champion is back when they thought she wasn’t competing.

84. Juliet rocks the first round. Cue competition montage. The announcer has a wicked mustache and then Juliet progresses to the finals. This horse is wildin’ and going fast now.

85. Nan is walking away and some slow-mo scene makes me think something bad is about to happen.

86. OMG! OMG! WAIT! I just noticed Monty is Hugh’s nephew, Monty-Hugh. Like Montague and then Juliet! Just like the Montague and Capulet family rivalry in Verona. I CAN’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T NOTICE THIS SOONER!!!

87. I forget that the mom is a writer, she apparently knows what to write about now. Ari: “so she’s going to write about a fucking horse girl?!?”

88. She sets the record. Wait! she doesn’t win. she loses by .2 seconds against the resident champion. 

89. I mean she still is keeping the horse and they do not need money for the ranch anymore since Hugh and mom are a thing, so nothing is at stake anymore. 

90. Okay so Bill Atterbury from earlier comes up and offers Juliet and Rodeo $4000 and wants them to ride pro and wants Monty as a pro circuit trainer. 

91. “ Y’all have a Merry Christmas”

92. All of a sudden it cuts to the ranch house where the mom is typing her paper in some bouji heels while Hugh attempts to light a fire.

93. The Judge has randomly shows up and asks if they have come to an agreement about the ranch.

94. They tell him they have, an agreement to be husband and wife.

95. I CALLED IT!!! 

96. This relationship escalated really fast over the course of like 3 days

97. Monty and Juliet are back at the grove, which isn’t really a grove because there are only like 2 scrawny trees, but they just call it a grove.

98. Ewwww they are step-cousins now.

99. Now they are racing their horses at sunset. 

100. Ari thinks the movie will fade out..... oh! oh! she is exactly right!

Overall, pretty odd movie. It was definitely a Hallmark movie. It was very hard to follow and a lot happened really fast. I’m still not sure if the central plot was the land dispute, horse racing, or forbidden love. The commentary that Ari and I provided was highly entertaining though.

[rkcarts]

Nero and his alpha mate, Ago Aapeli, a chocobo rancher.

The first time he meets him, one of the chocobos had gotten loose and approaches a wandering Nero, his princess charm working it’s magic and all. Nero finds the bird’s tags that mark its owner, and sets out to find the chocobo’s home. He rides the chocobo until they near the ranch, at which point the bird breaks into a sprint at the sound of the dinner bell ringing. Nero’s never ridden a chocobo beyond a gentle trot before, and ends up holding on for dear life.

The alpha sees his missing chocobo come running in, a mysterious panicked angel on her back, rushes up to hush the bird, and pets it’s beak as it calms down and ruffles its feathers. He looks up to Nero, the prince staring down all starry eyed, with some strands from his braid having fallen loose.

The alpha comes around to lift Nero down like he weighs nothing after calming the bird. He’s wearing denim and plaid, the shirt is unbuttoned, and he’s got glistening pecs and an open, guileless smile. He has pretty dark skin, a mix of genetics and working long days out in the sun. He could probably lift a tractor if he wants to, but he also likes to eat pie so he’s still got a little softness in places. He smells good. Like a man. Leather, sandalwood, and this hint of mixed herbs.

Nero grasps his biceps for balance on the way down and WOW this man has the beef. The alpha thanks him for bringing back his bird (whom he notes is notorious for finding new ways to escape).

He tips his fucking HAT, questions in a thick southern drawl, “You alright highness?” Nero has never been more in love in his life.

This alpha has all the southern charms and Nero straight up swoons, turns out Nero’s prince charming is just a good ole’ farm boy.

Alpha guy goes "whoa there, Prince!" and gently takes Nero's arm in case he falls. Nero’s brain is just a chorus of exclamation marks. The alpha introduces himself as ‘Agosthino Aario, but darlin’ you can just call me Ago’. The name just rolls off the tongue, and Nero can’t stop whispering it to himself after he gets home.

Neither one of them can keep away from the other for very long after that fateful first meeting.

Nero's like the kind of person Ago's mama told him he should find and cherish and never ever fuck up a relationship with. He'd always wanted a beautiful omega to protect and shower and pamper. And when he didn't really find "the one" he decided running a farm and taking care of chocobos would be enough, he had friends and a good life. And then came Nero, literally swooned and fell into his arms, all because he got distracted by the pretty chocobo.

Nero makes it a point to “wander by” the farm on a regular basis, always keeping an eye out for Ago. And Ago does the same for him, spending far too much time searching for any hint of Lucis’ youngest prince when he should be working.

On occasion, Nero does catch sight of the man he’s infatuated with, out working with the chocobos. He’ll saunter over and drape himself over the fence in a way he thinks is casually-seductive (but quite frankly just looks ridiculous) and wait for Ago to notice him.

Ago notices him the second he stepped out from the trees, but for the sake of not coming off as an over-eager alpha, he waits until Nero has assumed his comical posing (which Ago finds absolutely adorable) for a good minute before ‘noticing’ his presence and meandering over to greet the young prince.

Nero offers to help out with the farm when he visits one day, says something about it being his ‘princely duty’ to help his citizens. Ago’s all too happy to have an extra set of hands to help feed the birds, especially when that help comes by the hands of the prettiest omega he ever did see.

It's a hot day, and Nero’s been out for a long while. He hasn't had a drink of water yet, so busy helping with the chocobos. At one point he swoons from the heat, and Ago catches him, his buff arms flex dramatically, and his pecs gleam in a masculine fashion. Nero appreciates this. Ago then carries Nero to a chair in the kitchen bridal style and gets him a cool glass of water.

He invites Nero over for dinner that night at his farm, figures he should feed Nero a good home-cooked meal for all his help and trouble. Nero mentions that he can cook too because his Mum's pretty good at it. They cook together. Nero is like woW. He’s a hot mess, and has to keep covering his huge smile and blush with one hand. He ends up cutting his thumb on a TOMATO, distracted by the handsome mountain of a man working the food so skillfully right next to him. The way those hands move so sure and quick, Nero can’t be blamed for being lost in thought of them doing something much different, really.

Ago whips out a bandana at the sight of blood, takes Nero’s hand so gently in his own and cleans the cut. Gives it a bandage and a kiss, at which Nero’s brain all but explodes. Nero keeps the bandana forever because he's romantic like that.

Nero comes home with a bandana wrapped around his hand and a fever from staying out all night watching the stars and he exclaims, "I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE MAMA."

Nero immediately tells Leo about this, writes him a massive letter full of exclamation marks.

"LEO YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT I SWEAR HIS BICEP HAD BICEPS"

Leo is reading and laughing because it's all so Nero, but he would want to see this man for himself, because this is his baby brother (who also happens to be the biggest romantic in all of Eos) is prone to overlooking the bad in people. He quietly goes to the principal's office of the school where he works, asks for the next few days off, and goes to the Citadel.

Ago meets Leo and mentions how Nero won't stop talking about him, thanks him for being such a good big brother to Nero. He compliments Leo on something mundane like his tea he brewed, or his outfit, and now Leo is smitten like yep okay I approve of this guy.

All the family tries to be defensive because Nero is nineteen and Ago is in his thirties, but if Ago isn't just... really nice. He's literally the perfect son in law.

Ren wants to protect his little brother but then finds out he has a couple chickens on the farm he’s convinced.

Ignis is getting older and he's always so sure but occasionally something is in his way he wasn't quite expecting and Ago catches him, but instead of forcing help just respectfully offers an arm as a guide. And it's perfect because it's just the kind of help Iggy likes.

Dude meets Gladio, Calls him sir with a firm but respectful handshake, a man's handshake, and Gladio approves instantly.

Prompto is a LITTLE wary because wow that is a big alpha, but oh, oh no, he's holding Nero's hand and talking to Prom fervently about how important it is to be honest about your feelings and Prompto’s sold.

He talks with Regis Jr. At length on the stuff Regis likes, he knows what it's like to be the eldest in a big family and they bond over it.

Aurum and Angelum ask him if he could lift them both at the same time. He does. He wins both of them AND Clara over with that one. Nero is a bit jealous at the stunt, but Ago knows and then picks Nero up for cuddles and gives him a forehead kiss. Nero melts.

They become THOSE uncles, the ones who won't stop smiling and kissing each other's hands and being all GOOEY and ROMANTIC.

They form a pack bond just months after they meet, and a mating bond soon after.

Colors for first pic inspired by Yuutayo’s!

Idea’s n’ such from the discord chat!

[lodelss]

Leah Sottile | Longreads | July 2019 | 25 minutes (6,186 words)

Part 2 of 5 of Bundyville: The Remnant, season two of Bundyville, a series and podcast from Longreads and OPB. 

  I.

Bill Keebler dumps a sugar packet into his coffee and calmly explains that the government is after him. They’re always watching him — constantly surveilling his every move, he says. He’s even at risk here, inside a Denny’s attached to a Flying J truck stop, about a half hour outside Salt Lake City.

He’s also pretty sure that Bundyville producer Ryan Haas and I are federal agents, posing as journalists. “I’m gonna be honest with you, it wouldn’t surprise me if both of you pulled out a badge,” he says. 

Just after 4 p.m. on a frigid February day, Keebler, 60, shuffles toward the back corner table we’d staked out for the interview.  He’s about a half hour late, uttering his deepest apologies for getting the time wrong. He’s never late, he says. 

Keebler is a raspy-voiced Southerner with skin that looks brittle from working in the sun all his life as a horse wrangler, ranch hand, hunting outfitter, and construction worker. At Denny’s he’s wearing a sandstone-colored canvas work jacket, and his hair sprouts from underneath a khaki Oath Keepers hat, which covers a shiny bald spot on the top of his head. He smokes a lot. Drinks a lot of coffee.

On the phone a few days before, I told him that I’d read the court documents for his case and was surprised by what I saw. I wanted to hear his version of what happened in June 2016 on the day three years before when Keebler believed he was detonating a bomb at a building owned by the Bureau of Land Management, only to find that the bomb was a fake given to him by undercover FBI agents embedded in his militia group.

The bombing itself was shocking. But the part that surprised me at the time was that, despite having pleaded guilty, serving 25 months in jail, and being released on probation, most of his case was still under federal protective order. Keebler’s attorney told me he’s not allowed to say why. I’m at the Denny’s hoping Keebler might be willing to tell me anyway.

In reading about what happened that day in the desert with the bomb, I learned — through the few court documents available — that Keebler was close friends with LaVoy Finicum. He’s the rancher who was a leader at the Malheur occupation, in Oregon, and was shot and killed by authorities after fleeing from a traffic stop.

But before we can talk about that, we’ve got to calm him down. He nudges his head in the direction of a young waiter, walking in a loop around by our table. Under his breath, Keebler says, “We’re being watched.” 

“Right now?” I ask. 

“Yeah.” 

“By who?” 

“A fed or an informant,” Keebler says. 

Haas asks if he means the Denny’s server, who’s walking by to see if we need any refills on coffee. That’s the guy, Keebler says.

If there’s so much at risk, why meet us? Why tell your story?

“Because if I don’t it’s going to die with me,” he says. “I’ve been on borrowed time for years.” He says he survived cancer, a massive heart attack, and “four heart procedures, looking at a fifth.” That’s not to mention the other stuff — things much harder to believe but that Keebler swears up and down are real, like the federally organized hits on him by the gang MS-13 while he was behind bars.

So I assure him: I’m not a fed. Google me. And I tell him he’s in control of what he says. If I ask something he doesn’t want to answer, something he thinks might get him in trouble, he doesn’t need to respond. He agrees, and for three hours, Bill Keebler gives his side of what happened leading up to that day in the desert with the bomb — a version of the story in which he is the hero, the government is the enemy, and where America is so rapidly nearing its demise, he can almost taste it. 

***

In the three years since the Bundys mobilized a force to take over the Malheur National Wildlife refuge in Oregon, the world has morphed in ways I couldn’t have imagined. For one thing, Donald Trump became the president of the United States. He has increased his attacks on media, stepping up from calling the very newspapers I write for “fake news,” to neglecting to hold the Saudi Arabian government accountable for putting into motion the murder of the journalist Jamal Khashoggi.

In June 2019, Trump — in a meeting at the G20 Summit — laughed with Russian president Vladimir Putin about journalists. “Get rid of them,” he said. “Fake news is a great term, isn’t it? You don’t have this problem in Russia. We have that problem.” And Putin responded: “Yes, yes. We have it, too. It’s the same.” They both laughed. 

Oft-cited research collected by the Southern Poverty Law Center has shown that since 1996, anti-government activity surged when Democratic presidents were in office. Militia groups that claimed to see proof of tyranny thrived in the 1990s — specifically when Vicki Weaver and her teenage son were killed during a standoff with federal agents at Ruby Ridge in 1992, and when the feds stormed into the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas, in 1993. 

In President Obama, the anti-government movement saw the embodiment of tyranny: someone upon whom they could project their worst fears. They called him a socialist globalist Muslim who, after ascending to the highest seat of power, would bring Sharia law upon the people. There was no proof or evidence to support this. But that didn’t matter to them.

Under Trump, suddenly, anti-government groups are pro-government. Nearly everything about Trump’s rhetoric — from questioning Obama’s nationality, to draining the swamp of elites, to building a border wall, to pushing for anti-Muslim legislation, to zealous nationalism — is lifted from the anti-government handbook.

“It blows my mind. The Patriot militia movement, anti-government movement — however you want to refer to them — under Obama was so concerned about tyranny and executive power … and yet they’ve been some of the most vocal advocates for Trump unilaterally grabbing and exerting executive branch power,” said Sam Jackson, an assistant professor in the College of Emergency Preparedness, Homeland Security, and Cybersecurity at the University at Albany-SUNY. Jackson researches the militia movement — he wrote his dissertation on the Oath Keepers. 

“If Obama had talked about declaring a national emergency … they would have been up in arms in a heartbeat,” he said.

So what gives? How do the anti-government go pro-government? 

“It makes it really hard to take them at their word,” Jackson told me. “It really makes it seem like all of that was just rhetoric that they deployed in pursuit of other goals that perhaps they perceived would be less popular amongst the American public — whether that’s Islamophobia or anti-immigration or whatever else they’re really interested in. It seems like perhaps now they’re willing to talk about these other things more blatantly than they were in the past.” 

***

Bill Keebler tells us he was born in Mississippi and grew up in Georgia the descendant of a long line of military veterans. During the Cold War in the early 1980s, Keebler says he enlisted in the Army and served in Aschaffenburg, Germany. There, he says, he was on the frontlines of the fight against communism. And it was also during this time — he claims — that he placed third in the 1984 World Championships in Kung Fu.

It’s clear that he’s not the guy he used to be — or at least that the person I’m seeing before me at Denny’s isn’t the fighter he is in his head. Keebler claims that, after winning that championship, he created his own style of martial arts, called “Jung Shin Wu Kung Fu” before a “board of masters,” but the Bundyville team wasn’t able to confirm this.

After years of working on farms and ranches, Keebler found himself in Utah — far, far from home — where he worked as a hunting outfitter, trained horses, and says he became a member of the Utah Oath Keepers. Around Tooele County, Utah, he was so well-known as an ardent prepper and varmint hunter that the Salt Lake Tribune ran a story on his coyote hunting skills. In one scene in the story, Keebler crouches in underbrush and wears camouflage that’s been drenched coyote-urine scent. 

In 2011, he was running a hunting outfitting business called Critter Gitter Outfitters and often posted photos on social media of his excursions into the wild. In one, a muscled, tanned Keebler poses with a baby deer he’d rescued. 

Keebler spends a lot of time on the internet — has for years. Online, Keebler makes lots of dad jokes and even more jokes where a woman’s demise is the punchline. In one video he shared on his Facebook page, a blond woman in a white robe pleads with her husband until he hands her the keys of a black SUV with an oversize bow on the hood. When she starts the car, it explodes, the man smiles, and the words Merry Christmas, Bitch fill the screen. 

By 2013, Facebook had become a place for Keebler to vent about Obama — “I call him O-bummer,” he told me during one phone call — where he openly shared his belief in an encyclopedic number of conspiracy theories. “FEMA camps are everywhere, Muslims and illegals are taking over, Obama is the biggest Traitor this country has ever known, No Jobs, 16 trillion in [debt] and no relief in sight,” he wrote one February morning. “Anyone protesting Obama is assassinated and turned into a monster by our own media.”

None of this is true — his sources are websites that are notorious for generating fake content. His words dipped in and out of coherence, in and out of overt racism. “Our jobs have all gone over seas to other country’s as they get Fat off our money and we send them aid, weapons and anything else they desire for free. Jets, food what ever they want because we OWE it to them somehow,” he wrote in one such post. “I have been patient, tolerant and offended too much for any more. I am an American, have lived as I will die as my ancestors did, As A FREE MAN. I speak fucking English and you can press 1 and kiss my ass ya muslim, communist Jackasses! If this offends you then I have succeeded in my intentions.” 

He signed off on another post: “Stay safe, armed to the teeth, prepared and with God. Bill Keebler.”

Later that month, he wrote that “Someday SOON chit is gonna happen and this country will l;iterally EXPLODE, and when it does it will be a very messy situation… soon BOOM, we will explode. Hope you are prepared.”

Keebler hunting coyotes in 2011. (AP Photo/Al Hartmann – The Salt Lake Tribune)

By spring 2014, Keebler seemed to have a new personality altogether. He wrote near-constantly about what to do when SHTF (prepper-speak for “shit hits the fan”). He signed his posts “th3hunt3r.” He breathed in false information about the Bureau of Land Management killing endangered species and exhaled posts about the hypocrisy of not letting Cliven Bundy graze his cattle. 

Much has been written about the algorithms employed by sites like YouTube, which keeps users on the site — generating more and more advertising dollars — by directing them toward more extreme content. Reporters and analysts often reflect on how this affects young people. But the algorithmic drive toward extreme content has taken hold with a much older generation, too, with guys like Keebler. Online, they can fantasize about who they’ll be when the end finally comes. They water their ignorance and hatred at an online trough with others who think just like them.

In April 2014, Keebler sprung into action after seeing a video on Facebook of a confrontation between Bureau of Land Management agents and protesters who’d assembled at the Bundys’ side — that video I mentioned way back at the beginning of this story, of Ammon Bundy being tased in the midst of a chaotic confrontation. Keebler loaded up his camper and drove several hours south to Bunkerville, Nevada, where he says he set up a mess hall and provided supplies.

“Well, I made it to the ranch, all is well, getting settled in, been intersting so far, and I aint shot no one, YET! lol” he wrote on his Facebook page on April 10 after he arrived. 

Once there, Keebler solicited money online to help pay for supplies. He claims he kept hot tempers under control. 

“I stopped some people wanted to shoot people,” he says to me at the truck stop. “One of them got mad about it and put a gun in my face. He wanted to start the war. … He said, ‘I’m gonna fire a shot just to get it started.’ … Things were that close. Volatile.”

Keebler also takes credit for ejecting Jerad and Amanda Miller — who would go on to murder two police officers in Las Vegas and die in the midst of a shoot-out with officers inside a Walmart. He claims that if it wasn’t for him, Bundy Ranch would have been a bloodbath. Less than a year later — according to Keebler’s defense attorney’s presentencing memo — an undercover FBI agent was embedded in Keebler’s own militia and then began to regularly talk about stepping into action, about blowing up federal agents and federal properties, and scouting a mosque as a potential target alongside Keebler. 

And yet, Keebler never kicked that guy out. 

  II.

After the militias assisted in preventing the BLM from seizing the Bundy family’s cattle, Keebler left feeling excited about the movement. He lived on Bundy Ranch for about two weeks. “To me it was one of the biggest events in this country … short of the Boston Tea Party,” he says. “It was a wake-up call.”

“After the standoff and everything, we had momentum,” he says, offering his mug to the waiter for a refill. “It started because Cliven Bundy, but we started a movement that had the potential to be tenfold what it was.”

When he came back home to Utah, he quit the Oath Keepers. He proudly recounts a story about trading heated words at Bunkerville with the group’s founder, Stewart Rhodes. Keebler claims he asked whether Rhodes would accept “radical Islamic Muslims” into the group; Rhodes said the Oath Keepers doesn’t discriminate. Back at home, he started his own militia: Patriots Defense Force (PDF). 

At the height of its membership, PDF had just seven members including Keebler. They held “field training exercises” where they’d shoot targets. They’d talk about raising “backyard meat rabbits” and chickens, and living off-grid. Mostly, they were a bunch of preppers. 

But before PDF was even formed — even had a name — the FBI began to monitor him, according to court documents submitted by Keebler’s defense team. They began immediately upon his return home from Bundy Ranch. The Bureau eventually embedded three confidential informants in his militia and three undercover agents, including two men who went by the names Brad Miller and Jake Davis. Miller and Davis  — people Keebler believed to be other God-loving Patriots — were sworn into PDF in May 2015. Excluding Keebler, the FBI agents, and informants, there were — at most — three members of PDF. 

According to the defense, one informant was paid $60,000 for his undercover work inside the militia. The stories the FBI agents gave to Keebler must have seemed like he found a gold mine: Davis told stories of his expertise in hand-to-hand combat; Miller positioned himself as an expert in mining and explosives. Another FBI agent played the part of a successful business guy interested in funding a militia.

Unlike all the other times Keebler imagined the government conspiring to snoop on him, this time they actually were — but he was so focused on the “deep state” that he didn’t seem to notice what was happening right in front of his face. 

As the FBI surveilled Keebler, he frequently spoke about martial law. “Under marshal [sic] law, Mr. Keebler expected the federal government to turn against the people…” His attorney wrote in his sentencing memo, “He envisioned house-to-house gun confiscations and the government putting ‘undesirable’ and ‘unsalvageable’ people in FEMA camps.”

By fall 2015, Keebler was meeting with LaVoy Finicum. Finicum, too, had been excited by what he had encountered at Bundy Ranch: a group of citizens who believed in Cliven Bundy’s conspiracy theories about the federal government coming to get him. 

Finicum, after seeing Cliven Bundy successfully get away with shirking his grazing costs,  had recently violated the terms of his own BLM grazing permit — accruing fines for grazing his cattle out of season. Finicum spoke to Keebler about fortifying his property in case of a situation like Bundy Ranch — or maybe even Ruby Ridge or Waco.

“At the Bundy’s we got there after the fact. If we knew it was coming, we could be there prepared,” Keebler says. Finicum was expecting the same. He’d stopped paying his grazing fees after going to Bundy Ranch and assumed the BLM would come get him, too. “We were going to stop them from taking the cattle,” he says. “Now I don’t mean ambush assault and kill and shoot. None of that crap.” 

Keebler walks Haas and I through the plan: When the BLM came in, apparently the group planned to dig out the road the agents came in on with a backhoe — making it impossible for them to leave. Miller pushed for the group to instead explode the road, he says. Keebler said that was crazy, and the two traded words over it. 

The group, without Finicum, drove toward Mt. Trumbull, where the government says Keebler got his first view of a building owned by the BLM — the remote property that, months later, he aimed to destroy with a bomb. 

Over the course of our interview, Keebler mentioned several arguments with Miller. But he always let him stay. 

If he was so extreme, such a loose cannon, I had to wonder, why keep him?

Because Miller, Keebler says, paid for gas to go to Arizona to meet with Finicum, and Keebler alleges, even to Washington State for a secret ceremony in which he was inducted into a Coalition of Western States militia by Washington state representative Matt Shea.

According to Keeber and his attorneys, federal agents were basically bankrolling his militia. And the way Keebler sees it, those same federal agents forced him to blow up a government building. 

“The FBI covered Mr. Keebler’s expenses on many similar trips. The FBI also made repeated and timely donations to … keep it (and Mr. Keebler) afloat,” defense attorneys wrote. “In the end, Mr. Keebler did exactly what he was induced to do: he picked a target and ‘went on the offense.’”

“They were hell-bent determined to do something, and I guess I kind of let it get in my head,” Keebler says. “Maybe if we did something to kind of let them know that it’s kind of like a warning signal.”

***

Central to the Patriot movement are many, many theories about people its members believe are involved in a vast conspiracy against the American people. In my reporting, the most common names that came up in Patriot conspiracies (aside from Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama) were BLM agent Dan Love, who led the Bunkerville round-up at Bundy Ranch in 2014, and Greg Bretzing, who was the special agent in charge of the FBI’s Oregon office during the occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. 

After the events at Malheur, Bretzing retired from the FBI, and he now works in security, safety, and corporate affairs for a private company that builds barges and railroad cars. “So, are you plotting a conspiracy with Dan Love against the Patriot movement?” I ask him one morning last winter, sitting in his office.

Bretzing laughs. “No, no. I do know Dan Love.” 

Bretzing worked for the FBI for 22 years, for much of that time on terrorism cases, both international and domestic. I want to know how the FBI views and defines international extremist groups differently than domestic ones. The biggest difference, according to Bretzing, is the law.

“There’s clear statutes against violent acts for political purposes or to overthrow a government,” he tells me. The FBI has squads devoted to domestic terrorism — but Bretzing said membership in any group isn’t what will get the feds on your trail. 

“Anybody’s political beliefs, religious beliefs, First Amendment rights — none of that is an issue,” he says. “You can be a member of any group you want to be, and it can be a pro anything or an anti anything group. That’s fine. It’s when those groups then take steps to commit violent acts or to break the law or to defraud — that is when the FBI or other law enforcement starts to look at them.”

Someone has to break the law — or look like they’re going to break the law — to get the attention of the FBI. Bretzing is clear: The FBI does not go on fishing expeditions of people it doesn’t like. 

I tell Bretzing about the Keebler case; it didn’t ring a bell. But when I tell him more about it, he says it reminds him of a notorious 2010 case in Portland involving the would-be “Christmas tree bomber.” In that case, a young man named Mohamed Mohamud believed he was detonating a bomb that would have caused large-scale fatalities of civilians attending the city’s annual Christmas tree lighting ceremony in the center of the city. 

When Mohamud attempted, twice, to ignite the bomb — which was provided by an undercover agent — it didn’t go off. He was arrested immediately. Mohamud’s attorney argued his client was entrapped. Prosecutors argued the violent religious extremist ideology was already in place; they were preventing him from acting on it. He was convicted in 2013 for attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction and sent to prison for 30 years.

“Having undercover agents inside is important to both effectively gather the evidence and to ensure that nothing violent actually does take place,” Bretzing tells me. “If you look at the tapes on Mohamed Mohamud, many, many, many times the undercover agents say, ‘We don’t have to do this. This is not something that has to be done, we can put it off … Are you sure you want to do this?’ Constantly ensuring that this is something that the individual is pushing, not the government. But the reason it’s important to have an agent inside is if an agent wasn’t there with this individual, then [they would] be taking these steps on their own.

“The public would rightfully be unhappy if then a violent act occurs and we didn’t do all we could do to stop it,” he says. 

But, how can law enforcement agencies be so sure people will go on to commit acts of violence? And what’s the right way to go after domestic terrorists? 

I ask Karen Greenberg, the director of Fordham Law School’s Center on National Security these questions. For years, she’s been examining cases that show an intersection of national security, policy, human rights, and civil liberties issues. 

Greenberg is extremely cautious of creating overarching laws that target domestic terrorists. “Washington is looking for is a domestic terrorism statute — that will be a federal one, which we don’t have. We have one for international terrorism, and it’s quite broad in its application,” she tells me. “Part of the reason is they want to be able to have greater surveillance powers.”

To apply that to domestic terrorism cases, she feels, is “a very dangerous road.” 

Kickstart your weekend reading by getting the week’s best Longreads delivered to your inbox every Friday afternoon.

Sign up

I call up Michael German to get his perspective. He’s a fellow at the Brennan Center for Justice now, but in the 1990s, he was an undercover FBI agent inside militia groups in Southern California and the Pacific Northwest. I want to get a sense from someone who’s been undercover why the feds might home in on a guy like Keebler. 

German says that in the years after 9/11, successive attorneys general amended guidelines that gave the feds greater flexibility. They were allowed to open investigations into people they might not have bothered with in previous years. They might look into a guy like Keebler even if they weren’t sure he was committing any crimes. That sounds like the opposite of what Bretzing told me, I say. 

“It sounds like from what you’re telling me after 2002 and after 2008 it became maybe a little bit more permissive to go on fishing expeditions of people that you don’t ideologically agree with,” I say to him.

“Right,” he says. FBI agents want to believe they don’t do that, “but clearly evidence shows the opposite.” German rattles off a list of cases and explains to me, “There was a case in Southern California where an FBI informant eventually got sideways with the FBI and came forward acknowledging that he had been directed to probably target Muslim communities in Southern California.” The agent “used listening devices to record people’s conversation when there was no suggestion they were actually involved in any kind of criminal activity,” he says. “So the difference is now that’s allowed.” 

German says the FBI doesn’t need an indicator of criminal activity anymore in order to watch a person. All they had to show was that an individual needed to be watched because they fit into the parameters of an established FBI’s mission to stop terrorism. That is, maybe they could commit a terroristic act someday in the future. 

“They have continued using that tactic and initially it was mostly used against Muslims but has broadened out because it’s a successful tactic as far as the FBI is concerned,” he says. “My concern with that is you’re targeting the lowest-hanging fruit.”

“I know from my own investigations that there are actually people out there plotting serious attacks who have obtained weapons, who have recruited people who have violent pasts, who are willing to commit violent crimes,” German adds. “Why we’re focusing on people who were so incapable and using the resources of the government to improve their capability of doing harm, rather than focusing on people who are engaging in violence, it’s hard for me to understand that that’s a legitimate use of government resources.”

For years, Greenberg has kept a close eye on international terror cases unfolding in U.S. courts, often with elements that feel similar to Keebler’s: A person believed to be associated with al-Qaeda is surrounded by informants and undercover agents, and the person of interest is given a bomb to ignite in the name of an international terror group. 

“So the FBI’s defense on this, and it’s worth thinking about, is ‘Look, I could have been al-Qaeda. I could have been an al-Qaeda operative trained and on-message. … If I could get him to do it, don’t you think an al-Qaeda guy could have gotten him to do it?’ And it works with a jury. It works. Because they say to the jury, ‘Would you have said yes to this guy?’”

  III.

In February 2016, one month after Finicum was shot by authorities after fleeing the traffic stop in Oregon, the members of Patriots Defense Force met at a Carl’s Jr. near Keebler’s home. One way this meeting had been viewed was as a planning session for the group’s next steps — ones that could have potentially led to violence.

Put another way, entirely: Keebler’s defense attorney framed this as a meeting at a fast food restaurant with two FBI agents — one of whom taunted him as a coward and pushed him toward action — and a government informant.

According to court documents, at that meeting Miller mocked Keebler, saying that the Patriots and PDF were just a group of “Facebook fuckin’ Nazis” who have a lot to say on the internet, but never take action in real life. 

Keebler, in response, suggested the group do some reconnaissance of potential targets in Salt Lake City. Miller — who, don’t forget, was there as an undercover FBI agent — suggested targeting Muslims. According to his attorney, Keebler told Miller he didn’t how to find any. Miller then offered to google a mosque, and the group drove there in two cars. 

Keebler says that once outside the mosque, agents asked him why he wouldn’t bomb it. Keebler claims he pointed to the buildings around it. “I said, ‘I’ll tell you why you can’t. You see that big-ass building behind you over your left shoulder?’” he recalls. “I said, ‘That’s one reason you can’t. You’re never getting out of this place. Second: Look at the terrain.’ 

“People were walking around coming in and outside, and started playing basketball. And I said, ‘You see that? Those are kids. There’s women and children playing basketball and shit.’ Like, y’all have lost it.” 

So, the group moved on. The caravan drove past an FBI building and a Bureau of Land Management office. Miller suggested that they send a mail bomb to it, or use a truck bomb to blow it up. Keebler, again, resisted — and the recon mission ended.

Around this point, even Davis, the other undercover agent, was unsure about the tactics he and Miller were using with Keebler. In text messages presented in court by Keebler’s defense, Davis wrote to his handler, Steve Daniels: “So I was thinking on the drive home. I hope we didn’t open Pandora’s box in a way by taking [Keebler] to a mosque he might not have found on his own. With the case winding down on our end I am worried about our liability if he happens to go back sometime on his own.” 

In another message, Davis wrote to Daniels: “I’m all for pushing him, but we can’t sound more radical to him.” Davis expressed concern that it seemed like he and Miller would leading the recon mission: “To me, that’s what it sounds like we are doing,” he texted. 

In another text, Davis noted that pushing Keebler was “grinding” on him. “I wanted to push [Keebler] outside his comfort zone to take his temperature, not lead him to something,” he wrote. “I am not down with giving him all the ideas like when [Miller] told him that we would have to mail a bomb to the BLM office … or drive a car bomb up to it. We can’t be putting crazy ideas into a crazy guy’s head.”

Daniels said he’d listen to the recordings. “I haven’t got the mail bomb stuff. (Yikes),” he wrote. 

Illustration by Zoë van Dijk

If it sounds like Bill Keebler was pushed to an act of domestic terrorism by the government itself, that’s certainly what defense intimated during court proceedings. And I tried to get the government’s side of this — filing a FOIA request for the full context of these text messages. But after half a year of waiting for those documents, I still haven’t gotten a response. So I’m stuck with what Keebler tells me, sipping his coffee as he worries our waiter is watching him.

After 26 months of surveilling Keebler, he was handed an improvised explosive device by one of those undercover officers — the same one who said he had an explosives background — and a detonator. Together with the agents, they made the long drive from Keebler’s Utah home, several hours south in the rough desert of Northern Arizona, to an empty BLM building. 

Arguably, along the way, Keebler had plenty of opportunities to say stop, turn around, let’s not do this, I can’t. But he didn’t. And when the bomb was placed at the building near Mt. Trumbull by the undercover agent — near where the Bundy’s ancestors once tried to make a home — Keebler’s finger was the only one on the button. 

Court documents show differing views on what Keebler was willing to do if people were inside the building. In sworn testimony, Daniels told the court that Keebler and Miller discussed what to do if BLM officers were inside, and Keebler “made a comment of: ‘fuck ‘em.’”

He hit the button three times. An explosion went off, but Keebler was too far away to see that his “bomb” was actually a fake, and the sound he heard was a concussion grenade deployed by the FBI. His lawyer called his intent to destroy the place a “serious property crime.” The government called it a bombing. 

***

I ask Keebler what the federal government, ideally, would look like to him. After Bundy Ranch, what did he decide he’d like to see change? 

He says not only does he want the federal government to stay out of the business of individual states, he wants it to be purged of the people he believes are ruining the country. The “deep state,” he says. 

“Everybody knows they’ve outlawed prayer in school,” he says. “You can’t do the Pledge of Allegiance in our schools, but now we got Muslims praying in the hallways in our schools and in our classrooms, and teachers are now making kids dress up like Muslims. And —”

“Where is this happening?” I stop him.

“A number of places. Yeah. They have taken over whole cities. 

“They want to stop prayer, they want to stop all the American stuff. The Boy Scouts and everything. Make it Islam. They’re out there on the streets right now with hundreds of them bowing, they’ve shut down whole roads, and the cops are standing over them making sure nobody interrupts them. Are you serious? It’s what Bradley tanks are for. You get about 50 rednecks with four-wheel-drive pickups and we’ll end that problem.” 

Keebler is advocating for something that sounds like intimidation at best, and slaughtering Muslims in the streets of America at the worst. And it’s all informed by his conspiratorial worldview. Maybe this is the kind of talk that brought the FBI to him.

“They have their own cops now,” he says. They’re arresting Christians, he says, and I’m shaking my head at him. It’s on the internet, he says. “You need to do your homework.”

“Do you think the federal government is involved in that?” Haas, my producer, asks. 

None of this is based in fact, but that doesn’t matter to Keebler. “I know damn well they are,” he says defiantly.

It should be no shock at this point to tell you that Keebler is an ardent Donald Trump supporter. He loves him. 

“Obama’s not even a black. He’s not African American, he’s Muslim — Kenya or some shit,” Keebler says. “The agreement that they put him in as the president is that he would make way for more Muslims to be up again in the United States. That’s what’s actually come out recently.”

“But who says that?” I press him.

“One of the news — some reporter somewhere,” he says. 

“Soros is financing a lot of it,” Keebler says, calmly, like this is a normal thing to believe and I’m thinking, again, about how people can pick ideas like these up from Trump now. 

It seems like this is what happens when conspiracies become the language the powerful use to communicate to disenfranchised people aching for a target — an explanation and a reason — for their discontent.

“A lot of this is about the New World Order. Look at the pedophilia going on right now. …  It’s all over the internet.” Keebler looks from Haas to me and back again, shocked at our ignorance. 

“I can’t believe y’all don’t know none of this stuff,” he says.

But what would be the point of “knowing” something that isn’t real? 

****

Before we leave Keebler, I ask him about the bylaws of Patriots Defense Force — which were presented as evidence against him in his case. 

I was particularly drawn to the “alert levels” that spell out how members should react in various stages of emergencies. In the worst-case scenario — a level 5 or “black” situation — the bylaws tell militia members to prepare for the absolute worst: “Get gear, family and haul ass to pre-arranged rendezvous point, or bunker down,” it reads. “THE BALLOON HAS GONE UP!”

“What is the shit hits the fan scenario?” I ask.

“During the Obama administration,” he says, “if he calls martial law I’m not gonna wait till he comes to my town. It’s too late. That would have been a shit hit the fan.” 

“So what’s the difference now?”

“I think if Trump declares martial law, it would be in a more controlled manner. He’s not coming after Patriots. He’s not coming after militia,” he says. 

“Do you mean he’s not coming after white people?” I ask.

“No. No, see there you go pushing the racist bullshit,” he says, despite the fact that, for two hours, he’s been talking about Muslims in the most hateful terms I’ve ever heard in an in-person conversation.

“What do you think happens if the Democrats impeach Trump or some kind of charges are brought?” he asks us. “What do you think happens? It’s over. All bets are off,” says Keebler.

“What does that mean?” Haas asks him. 

“All bets are off,” he smiles. “Take that for what it’s worth. People are wanting retaliation. They want revenge, they want payback for a lot of things. This abortion crap. What happened to LaVoy. What is happening to our children. What has happened to our streets. What is happening in our schools. People want retribution.”

***

Bill Keebler says he’s never even heard of Panaca, Nevada. Never heard of a Jones, or a Cluff or another bomb in the desert the summer he tried to bomb the BLM building. I’ve learned tons about the Patriots from talking to him, but nothing more about Panaca.  

We spend the next week driving through the mountains, through deserts, through towns built by polygamists and pioneers. I see the appeal of life out here. Of disappearing into the wild and forgetting about the rest of the world.  

But no matter how many times I use my job as an excuse to disappear into parts of the West I wouldn’t otherwise go to, I always end up feeling a sense of relief when I’m back, sitting in traffic in a city again. 

I’m thinking of Keebler the next day, at the TSA checkpoint inside McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas. Where people say goodbye to their family members and start to weave through a long, snaking line, there’s a man who looks as rumpled as Keebler — but isn’t white — seated with three police officers standing around him. 

It’s a busy Sunday, there are people and kids waiting in line, watching this scene. Things seem calm, albeit weird. And then the man raises his voice. I’m close enough to hear him yell something about the Constitution, about liberty. And the officers stand him up and restrain his wrists behind his back, then lead him away. The line slithers on.

But something’s different. At the front of the line a TSA agent barks orders: Stand side by side. Walk slowly. As we progress two by two, a thick black dog led by a Homeland Security agent sniffs everyone in a circle. I hear the guy being led away shout something about “We, the People.”

The orders continue. Show your ID. Put it away. Shoes off? No, shoes on. Take out your laptops. Use two bins for all your stuff. Stop. Walk. Wait. 

It’s a language we all seem to speak in a dialect that’s always changing, for reasons we don’t know — but what we understand is that this language doesn’t include the words that guy was saying. Or, what he is now likely still saying somewhere else in this airport, in a secret place or room we also know, but don’t really.

I think about Keebler, how I could see him in that same situation here, and how he’s been called a terrorist, and yet still, there’s all these things we don’t know about the government’s role in his story. His case is sealed tight. Why are they keeping it so opaque?

I’m still not convinced a guy like Keebler really could carry out an elaborate bomb plot without ample help. But even so, there’s one thing in court documents that I kept coming back to: that in the hours after Keebler believed he detonated a bomb, as he drove back to Utah, amped up on what he’d just done, he offered a declaration. According to the government, Keebler said after the bombing, “This isn’t about LaVoy, it’s what he stood for.” 

In Panaca, police reports said Jones mentioned LaVoy Finicum in the same breath as his bomb. And now here, with Keebler, there he is again. 

All these years later, the ghost of LaVoy Finicum continues to push the Patriot movement forward. And yet all this time I’ve been reporting on this movement, I know so little about him. He was the guy who was killed by police, who no one heard hide nor hair of before Bundy Ranch. But what did he actually believe and why is it so persuasive? 

I can understand how people who have questions, who never get answers, form their own explanations. How out here in the West, so far from where the decisions are made about how this society works, people can’t figure out how to access the information they need. Everything about Keebler’s case feels Orwellian. He’s a racist, and it’s easy to write him off. But I see now how writing him off means patrolling what he thinks, and that policing certain thoughts — no matter how gross — means a denial of certain rights. 

At the airport, I don’t ask questions about which of my liberties are being violated when I go through the security line. I don’t scream and shout about the Constitution when I’m loading my laptop into the bin. Or when I take off my shoes. Or when I put my hands above my head in a machine that seems to suggest it can see through me for things maybe even I don’t know are there.

***

Leah Sottile is a freelance journalist based in Portland, Oregon. Her work has appeared in theWashington Post, Playboy, California Sunday Magazine, Outside, The Atlantic and Vice.

Editors: Mike Dang and Kelly Stout Illustrator: Zoë van Dijk Fact checker: Matt Giles Copy editor: Jacob Gross

Special thanks to everyone at Oregon Public Broadcasting.

[welovebullydogs]

New Post has been published on Haiwanat

New Post has been published on http://haiwanat.eu/cute-animals/cute-child-clothing-for-boys-and-girls/

Cute Child Clothing for Boys and Girls

by karydwenphotography

Everyone wants their own baby to appear cute. Individuals always attempt discovering clothes which are comfortable and create their baby look cute. You will find number of locations from where you can find cute baby clothes. Numerous parents like their babies to gown their babies in a rancher or a cowgirl style.

There are a variety associated with choices for moms and dads to choose adorable baby clothing for his or her infants. From the imprinted tee shirts in order to comfy denims the options along with baby clothing retailers a variety of. Selecting western outfit baby clothes for the babies also makes them fashionable and adorable simultaneously. Discovering cute child clothes you ought not undervalue comfort ability of garments. You should make it sure the actual clothes which make your baby appear cute is also comfy to him or her. Confirm the quality from the clothes as well as see the fabric doesn’t harm the tender skin of the infants.

This always suggested opting for brands while choosing cute child clothing, in particular those that exclusively provide baby clothes. These types of brands guarantee of a person of their quality and this is extremely important element while selecting cute baby clothing. In addition, you also get interesting options upon choosing clothes from a wide array choice accessible to you. Cute baby clothing is also a special choice using these brand names.

Some of the common examples that can help a person while discovering cute child clothes for babies should be go for clothes with fur. Clothing with fur are not only cute looking, comfortable tend to be additionally warm which also protects them from cool temps of winter season. Other good choices associated with cute clothing is mixture of hats with clothing with rabbit ears on their caps. Clothing which illustrate cartoons of animals will also be really cute for your babies.

Many parents like to purchase clothes with adorable scriptures written on it. You can ask with regard to lovely clothing with awesome colors having gorgeous scriptures written on it. Looking online with regard to cute baby clothes is yet a good idea. You will find not really a wide selection of clothing available under cute baby clothes however, you come with an advantage on looking within the web. You are able to decide which clothing is better to make babies cute. You can also read opinions of other parents that have bought cute baby clothes plus you can choose great types of cute baby clothes just by sitting in front of a person desktop.

Everybody wants their baby to appear cute. Individuals always attempt discovering clothing which are comfortable and create their own baby look adorable. There are amount of places from where you can find adorable baby clothes. Numerous parents like their babies to gown their babies in a rancher or perhaps a cowgirl design.

There are a variety associated with choices for parents to select cute baby clothes for his or her infants. From the printed t-shirts in order to comfy denims the options with baby clothes retailers are numerous. Selecting western costume baby clothing for your babies also generates stylish and adorable at the same time. Finding cute child clothes you should not undervalue comfort ability of garments. You should make it sure that the actual clothes which will make your baby look cute can also be comfortable to him or her. What is quality of the clothing and also see the material doesn’t damage the sensitive skin of the infants.

This always suggested going for brands while selecting cute child clothes, especially those that exclusively provide baby clothing. These brands guarantee of a person of their quality which is also extremely important element while choosing cute baby clothing. Plus, you also obtain interesting options on choosing clothing from the wide array choice accessible to you. Cute baby clothing is also a special option using these brand names.

Some of the typical examples that can help you while finding cute baby clothes with regard to babies are to go for clothes with fur. Clothes with hair are not only cute searching, comfortable but are also warm which also protects them through cool temps of winter months. Some other good choices associated with cute clothing is combination of caps with clothes with rabbit ears on the caps. Clothes which illustrate cartoons of animals are also really cute for the infants.

Many parents prefer to purchase clothes with adorable scriptures created onto it. Ask for lovely clothes with awesome colors getting gorgeous scriptures created onto it. Searching online for cute baby clothes is also a great idea. There are not really a wide variety of clothes available below cute child clothes however, you come with an benefit on looking in the web. You can choose clothing is better to make babies cute. You may also read opinions associated with other moms and dads who have purchased cute baby clothes in addition you can find dating excellent types of cute baby clothing simply by near you desktop.

Shop wisely, and you will obtain everything you need for infant’s homecoming with a minimum expense of money. Be sure to visit Cute Baby Clothes for fantastic specials on baby clothes trendy baby clothes.

[lodelss]

Bundyville: The Remnant, Chapter Two: The Hunter and the Bomb

Leah Sottile | Longreads | July 2019 | 25 minutes (6,186 words)

Part 2 of 5 of Bundyville: The Remnant, season two of Bundyville, a series and podcast from Longreads and OPB. 

  I.

Bill Keebler dumps a sugar packet into his coffee and calmly explains that the government is after him. They’re always watching him — constantly surveilling his every move, he says. He’s even at risk here, inside a Denny’s attached to a Flying J truck stop, about a half hour outside Salt Lake City.

He’s also pretty sure that Bundyville producer Ryan Haas and I are federal agents, posing as journalists. “I’m gonna be honest with you, it wouldn’t surprise me if both of you pulled out a badge,” he says. 

Just after 4 p.m. on a frigid February day, Keebler, 60, shuffles toward the back corner table we’d staked out for the interview.  He’s about a half hour late, uttering his deepest apologies for getting the time wrong. He’s never late, he says. 

Keebler is a raspy-voiced Southerner with skin that looks brittle from working in the sun all his life as a horse wrangler, ranch hand, hunting outfitter, and construction worker. At Denny’s he’s wearing a sandstone-colored canvas work jacket, and his hair sprouts from underneath a khaki Oath Keepers hat, which covers a shiny bald spot on the top of his head. He smokes a lot. Drinks a lot of coffee.

On the phone a few days before, I told him that I’d read the court documents for his case and was surprised by what I saw. I wanted to hear his version of what happened in June 2016 on the day three years before when Keebler believed he was detonating a bomb at a building owned by the Bureau of Land Management, only to find that the bomb was a fake given to him by undercover FBI agents embedded in his militia group.

The bombing itself was shocking. But the part that surprised me at the time was that, despite having pleaded guilty, serving 25 months in jail, and being released on probation, most of his case was still under federal protective order. Keebler’s attorney told me he’s not allowed to say why. I’m at the Denny’s hoping Keebler might be willing to tell me anyway.

In reading about what happened that day in the desert with the bomb, I learned — through the few court documents available — that Keebler was close friends with LaVoy Finicum. He’s the rancher who was a leader at the Malheur occupation, in Oregon, and was shot and killed by authorities after fleeing from a traffic stop.

But before we can talk about that, we’ve got to calm him down. He nudges his head in the direction of a young waiter, walking in a loop around by our table. Under his breath, Keebler says, “We’re being watched.” 

“Right now?” I ask. 

“Yeah.” 

“By who?” 

“A fed or an informant,” Keebler says. 

Haas asks if he means the Denny’s server, who’s walking by to see if we need any refills on coffee. That’s the guy, Keebler says.

If there’s so much at risk, why meet us? Why tell your story?

“Because if I don’t it’s going to die with me,” he says. “I’ve been on borrowed time for years.” He says he survived cancer, a massive heart attack, and “four heart procedures, looking at a fifth.” That’s not to mention the other stuff — things much harder to believe but that Keebler swears up and down are real, like the federally organized hits on him by the gang MS-13 while he was behind bars.

So I assure him: I’m not a fed. Google me. And I tell him he’s in control of what he says. If I ask something he doesn’t want to answer, something he thinks might get him in trouble, he doesn’t need to respond. He agrees, and for three hours, Bill Keebler gives his side of what happened leading up to that day in the desert with the bomb — a version of the story in which he is the hero, the government is the enemy, and where America is so rapidly nearing its demise, he can almost taste it. 

***

In the three years since the Bundys mobilized a force to take over the Malheur National Wildlife refuge in Oregon, the world has morphed in ways I couldn’t have imagined. For one thing, Donald Trump became the president of the United States. He has increased his attacks on media, stepping up from calling the very newspapers I write for “fake news,” to neglecting to hold the Saudi Arabian government accountable for putting into motion the murder of the journalist Jamal Khashoggi.

In June 2019, Trump — in a meeting at the G20 Summit — laughed with Russian president Vladimir Putin about journalists. “Get rid of them,” he said. “Fake news is a great term, isn’t it? You don’t have this problem in Russia. We have that problem.” And Putin responded: “Yes, yes. We have it, too. It’s the same.” They both laughed. 

Oft-cited research collected by the Southern Poverty Law Center has shown that since 1996, anti-government activity surged when Democratic presidents were in office. Militia groups that claimed to see proof of tyranny thrived in the 1990s — specifically when Vicki Weaver and her teenage son were killed during a standoff with federal agents at Ruby Ridge in 1992, and when the feds stormed into the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas, in 1993. 

In President Obama, the anti-government movement saw the embodiment of tyranny: someone upon whom they could project their worst fears. They called him a socialist globalist Muslim who, after ascending to the highest seat of power, would bring Sharia law upon the people. There was no proof or evidence to support this. But that didn’t matter to them.

Under Trump, suddenly, anti-government groups are pro-government. Nearly everything about Trump’s rhetoric — from questioning Obama’s nationality, to draining the swamp of elites, to building a border wall, to pushing for anti-Muslim legislation, to zealous nationalism — is lifted from the anti-government handbook.

“It blows my mind. The Patriot militia movement, anti-government movement — however you want to refer to them — under Obama was so concerned about tyranny and executive power … and yet they’ve been some of the most vocal advocates for Trump unilaterally grabbing and exerting executive branch power,” said Sam Jackson, an assistant professor in the College of Emergency Preparedness, Homeland Security, and Cybersecurity at the University at Albany-SUNY. Jackson researches the militia movement — he wrote his dissertation on the Oath Keepers. 

“If Obama had talked about declaring a national emergency … they would have been up in arms in a heartbeat,” he said.

So what gives? How do the anti-government go pro-government? 

“It makes it really hard to take them at their word,” Jackson told me. “It really makes it seem like all of that was just rhetoric that they deployed in pursuit of other goals that perhaps they perceived would be less popular amongst the American public — whether that’s Islamophobia or anti-immigration or whatever else they’re really interested in. It seems like perhaps now they’re willing to talk about these other things more blatantly than they were in the past.” 

***

Bill Keebler tells us he was born in Mississippi and grew up in Georgia the descendant of a long line of military veterans. During the Cold War in the early 1980s, Keebler says he enlisted in the Army and served in Aschaffenburg, Germany. There, he says, he was on the frontlines of the fight against communism. And it was also during this time — he claims — that he placed third in the 1984 World Championships in Kung Fu.

It’s clear that he’s not the guy he used to be — or at least that the person I’m seeing before me at Denny’s isn’t the fighter he is in his head. Keebler claims that, after winning that championship, he created his own style of martial arts, called “Jung Shin Wu Kung Fu” before a “board of masters,” but the Bundyville team wasn’t able to confirm this.

After years of working on farms and ranches, Keebler found himself in Utah — far, far from home — where he worked as a hunting outfitter, trained horses, and says he became a member of the Utah Oath Keepers. Around Tooele County, Utah, he was so well-known as an ardent prepper and varmint hunter that the Salt Lake Tribune ran a story on his coyote hunting skills. In one scene in the story, Keebler crouches in underbrush and wears camouflage that’s been drenched coyote-urine scent. 

In 2011, he was running a hunting outfitting business called Critter Gitter Outfitters and often posted photos on social media of his excursions into the wild. In one, a muscled, tanned Keebler poses with a baby deer he’d rescued. 

Keebler spends a lot of time on the internet — has for years. Online, Keebler makes lots of dad jokes and even more jokes where a woman’s demise is the punchline. In one video he shared on his Facebook page, a blond woman in a white robe pleads with her husband until he hands her the keys of a black SUV with an oversize bow on the hood. When she starts the car, it explodes, the man smiles, and the words Merry Christmas, Bitch fill the screen. 

By 2013, Facebook had become a place for Keebler to vent about Obama — “I call him O-bummer,” he told me during one phone call — where he openly shared his belief in an encyclopedic number of conspiracy theories. “FEMA camps are everywhere, Muslims and illegals are taking over, Obama is the biggest Traitor this country has ever known, No Jobs, 16 trillion in [debt] and no relief in sight,” he wrote one February morning. “Anyone protesting Obama is assassinated and turned into a monster by our own media.”

None of this is true — his sources are websites that are notorious for generating fake content. His words dipped in and out of coherence, in and out of overt racism. “Our jobs have all gone over seas to other country’s as they get Fat off our money and we send them aid, weapons and anything else they desire for free. Jets, food what ever they want because we OWE it to them somehow,” he wrote in one such post. “I have been patient, tolerant and offended too much for any more. I am an American, have lived as I will die as my ancestors did, As A FREE MAN. I speak fucking English and you can press 1 and kiss my ass ya muslim, communist Jackasses! If this offends you then I have succeeded in my intentions.” 

He signed off on another post: “Stay safe, armed to the teeth, prepared and with God. Bill Keebler.”

Later that month, he wrote that “Someday SOON chit is gonna happen and this country will l;iterally EXPLODE, and when it does it will be a very messy situation… soon BOOM, we will explode. Hope you are prepared.”

Keebler hunting coyotes in 2011. (AP Photo/Al Hartmann – The Salt Lake Tribune)

By spring 2014, Keebler seemed to have a new personality altogether. He wrote near-constantly about what to do when SHTF (prepper-speak for “shit hits the fan”). He signed his posts “th3hunt3r.” He breathed in false information about the Bureau of Land Management killing endangered species and exhaled posts about the hypocrisy of not letting Cliven Bundy graze his cattle. 

Much has been written about the algorithms employed by sites like YouTube, which keeps users on the site — generating more and more advertising dollars — by directing them toward more extreme content. Reporters and analysts often reflect on how this affects young people. But the algorithmic drive toward extreme content has taken hold with a much older generation, too, with guys like Keebler. Online, they can fantasize about who they’ll be when the end finally comes. They water their ignorance and hatred at an online trough with others who think just like them.

In April 2014, Keebler sprung into action after seeing a video on Facebook of a confrontation between Bureau of Land Management agents and protesters who’d assembled at the Bundys’ side — that video I mentioned way back at the beginning of this story, of Ammon Bundy being tased in the midst of a chaotic confrontation. Keebler loaded up his camper and drove several hours south to Bunkerville, Nevada, where he says he set up a mess hall and provided supplies.

“Well, I made it to the ranch, all is well, getting settled in, been intersting so far, and I aint shot no one, YET! lol” he wrote on his Facebook page on April 10 after he arrived. 

Once there, Keebler solicited money online to help pay for supplies. He claims he kept hot tempers under control. 

“I stopped some people wanted to shoot people,” he says to me at the truck stop. “One of them got mad about it and put a gun in my face. He wanted to start the war. … He said, ‘I’m gonna fire a shot just to get it started.’ … Things were that close. Volatile.”

Keebler also takes credit for ejecting Jerad and Amanda Miller — who would go on to murder two police officers in Las Vegas and die in the midst of a shoot-out with officers inside a Walmart. He claims that if it wasn’t for him, Bundy Ranch would have been a bloodbath. Less than a year later — according to Keebler’s defense attorney’s presentencing memo — an undercover FBI agent was embedded in Keebler’s own militia and then began to regularly talk about stepping into action, about blowing up federal agents and federal properties, and scouting a mosque as a potential target alongside Keebler. 

And yet, Keebler never kicked that guy out. 

  II.

After the militias assisted in preventing the BLM from seizing the Bundy family’s cattle, Keebler left feeling excited about the movement. He lived on Bundy Ranch for about two weeks. “To me it was one of the biggest events in this country … short of the Boston Tea Party,” he says. “It was a wake-up call.”

“After the standoff and everything, we had momentum,” he says, offering his mug to the waiter for a refill. “It started because Cliven Bundy, but we started a movement that had the potential to be tenfold what it was.”

When he came back home to Utah, he quit the Oath Keepers. He proudly recounts a story about trading heated words at Bunkerville with the group’s founder, Stewart Rhodes. Keebler claims he asked whether Rhodes would accept “radical Islamic Muslims” into the group; Rhodes said the Oath Keepers doesn’t discriminate. Back at home, he started his own militia: Patriots Defense Force (PDF). 

At the height of its membership, PDF had just seven members including Keebler. They held “field training exercises” where they’d shoot targets. They’d talk about raising “backyard meat rabbits” and chickens, and living off-grid. Mostly, they were a bunch of preppers. 

But before PDF was even formed — even had a name — the FBI began to monitor him, according to court documents submitted by Keebler’s defense team. They began immediately upon his return home from Bundy Ranch. The Bureau eventually embedded three confidential informants in his militia and three undercover agents, including two men who went by the names Brad Miller and Jake Davis. Miller and Davis  — people Keebler believed to be other God-loving Patriots — were sworn into PDF in May 2015. Excluding Keebler, the FBI agents, and informants, there were — at most — three members of PDF. 

According to the defense, one informant was paid $60,000 for his undercover work inside the militia. The stories the FBI agents gave to Keebler must have seemed like he found a gold mine: Davis told stories of his expertise in hand-to-hand combat; Miller positioned himself as an expert in mining and explosives. Another FBI agent played the part of a successful business guy interested in funding a militia.

Unlike all the other times Keebler imagined the government conspiring to snoop on him, this time they actually were — but he was so focused on the “deep state” that he didn’t seem to notice what was happening right in front of his face. 

As the FBI surveilled Keebler, he frequently spoke about martial law. “Under marshal [sic] law, Mr. Keebler expected the federal government to turn against the people…” His attorney wrote in his sentencing memo, “He envisioned house-to-house gun confiscations and the government putting ‘undesirable’ and ‘unsalvageable’ people in FEMA camps.”

By fall 2015, Keebler was meeting with LaVoy Finicum. Finicum, too, had been excited by what he had encountered at Bundy Ranch: a group of citizens who believed in Cliven Bundy’s conspiracy theories about the federal government coming to get him. 

Finicum, after seeing Cliven Bundy successfully get away with shirking his grazing costs,  had recently violated the terms of his own BLM grazing permit — accruing fines for grazing his cattle out of season. Finicum spoke to Keebler about fortifying his property in case of a situation like Bundy Ranch — or maybe even Ruby Ridge or Waco.

“At the Bundy’s we got there after the fact. If we knew it was coming, we could be there prepared,” Keebler says. Finicum was expecting the same. He’d stopped paying his grazing fees after going to Bundy Ranch and assumed the BLM would come get him, too. “We were going to stop them from taking the cattle,” he says. “Now I don’t mean ambush assault and kill and shoot. None of that crap.” 

Keebler walks Haas and I through the plan: When the BLM came in, apparently the group planned to dig out the road the agents came in on with a backhoe — making it impossible for them to leave. Miller pushed for the group to instead explode the road, he says. Keebler said that was crazy, and the two traded words over it. 

The group, without Finicum, drove toward Mt. Trumbull, where the government says Keebler got his first view of a building owned by the BLM — the remote property that, months later, he aimed to destroy with a bomb. 

Over the course of our interview, Keebler mentioned several arguments with Miller. But he always let him stay. 

If he was so extreme, such a loose cannon, I had to wonder, why keep him?

Because Miller, Keebler says, paid for gas to go to Arizona to meet with Finicum, and Keebler alleges, even to Washington State for a secret ceremony in which he was inducted into a Coalition of Western States militia by Washington state representative Matt Shea.

According to Keeber and his attorneys, federal agents were basically bankrolling his militia. And the way Keebler sees it, those same federal agents forced him to blow up a government building. 

“The FBI covered Mr. Keebler’s expenses on many similar trips. The FBI also made repeated and timely donations to … keep it (and Mr. Keebler) afloat,” defense attorneys wrote. “In the end, Mr. Keebler did exactly what he was induced to do: he picked a target and ‘went on the offense.’”

“They were hell-bent determined to do something, and I guess I kind of let it get in my head,” Keebler says. “Maybe if we did something to kind of let them know that it’s kind of like a warning signal.”

***

Central to the Patriot movement are many, many theories about people its members believe are involved in a vast conspiracy against the American people. In my reporting, the most common names that came up in Patriot conspiracies (aside from Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama) were BLM agent Dan Love, who led the Bunkerville round-up at Bundy Ranch in 2014, and Greg Bretzing, who was the special agent in charge of the FBI’s Oregon office during the occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. 

After the events at Malheur, Bretzing retired from the FBI, and he now works in security, safety, and corporate affairs for a private company that builds barges and railroad cars. “So, are you plotting a conspiracy with Dan Love against the Patriot movement?” I ask him one morning last winter, sitting in his office.

Bretzing laughs. “No, no. I do know Dan Love.” 

Bretzing worked for the FBI for 22 years, for much of that time on terrorism cases, both international and domestic. I want to know how the FBI views and defines international extremist groups differently than domestic ones. The biggest difference, according to Bretzing, is the law.

“There’s clear statutes against violent acts for political purposes or to overthrow a government,” he tells me. The FBI has squads devoted to domestic terrorism — but Bretzing said membership in any group isn’t what will get the feds on your trail. 

“Anybody’s political beliefs, religious beliefs, First Amendment rights — none of that is an issue,” he says. “You can be a member of any group you want to be, and it can be a pro anything or an anti anything group. That’s fine. It’s when those groups then take steps to commit violent acts or to break the law or to defraud — that is when the FBI or other law enforcement starts to look at them.”

Someone has to break the law — or look like they’re going to break the law — to get the attention of the FBI. Bretzing is clear: The FBI does not go on fishing expeditions of people it doesn’t like. 

I tell Bretzing about the Keebler case; it didn’t ring a bell. But when I tell him more about it, he says it reminds him of a notorious 2010 case in Portland involving the would-be “Christmas tree bomber.” In that case, a young man named Mohamed Mohamud believed he was detonating a bomb that would have caused large-scale fatalities of civilians attending the city’s annual Christmas tree lighting ceremony in the center of the city. 

When Mohamud attempted, twice, to ignite the bomb — which was provided by an undercover agent — it didn’t go off. He was arrested immediately. Mohamud’s attorney argued his client was entrapped. Prosecutors argued the violent religious extremist ideology was already in place; they were preventing him from acting on it. He was convicted in 2013 for attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction and sent to prison for 30 years.

“Having undercover agents inside is important to both effectively gather the evidence and to ensure that nothing violent actually does take place,” Bretzing tells me. “If you look at the tapes on Mohamed Mohamud, many, many, many times the undercover agents say, ‘We don’t have to do this. This is not something that has to be done, we can put it off … Are you sure you want to do this?’ Constantly ensuring that this is something that the individual is pushing, not the government. But the reason it’s important to have an agent inside is if an agent wasn’t there with this individual, then [they would] be taking these steps on their own.

“The public would rightfully be unhappy if then a violent act occurs and we didn’t do all we could do to stop it,” he says. 

But, how can law enforcement agencies be so sure people will go on to commit acts of violence? And what’s the right way to go after domestic terrorists? 

I ask Karen Greenberg, the director of Fordham Law School’s Center on National Security these questions. For years, she’s been examining cases that show an intersection of national security, policy, human rights, and civil liberties issues. 

Greenberg is extremely cautious of creating overarching laws that target domestic terrorists. “Washington is looking for is a domestic terrorism statute — that will be a federal one, which we don’t have. We have one for international terrorism, and it’s quite broad in its application,” she tells me. “Part of the reason is they want to be able to have greater surveillance powers.”

To apply that to domestic terrorism cases, she feels, is “a very dangerous road.” 

Kickstart your weekend reading by getting the week’s best Longreads delivered to your inbox every Friday afternoon.

Sign up

I call up Michael German to get his perspective. He’s a fellow at the Brennan Center for Justice now, but in the 1990s, he was an undercover FBI agent inside militia groups in Southern California and the Pacific Northwest. I want to get a sense from someone who’s been undercover why the feds might home in on a guy like Keebler. 

German says that in the years after 9/11, successive attorneys general amended guidelines that gave the feds greater flexibility. They were allowed to open investigations into people they might not have bothered with in previous years. They might look into a guy like Keebler even if they weren’t sure he was committing any crimes. That sounds like the opposite of what Bretzing told me, I say. 

“It sounds like from what you’re telling me after 2002 and after 2008 it became maybe a little bit more permissive to go on fishing expeditions of people that you don’t ideologically agree with,” I say to him.

“Right,” he says. FBI agents want to believe they don’t do that, “but clearly evidence shows the opposite.” German rattles off a list of cases and explains to me, “There was a case in Southern California where an FBI informant eventually got sideways with the FBI and came forward acknowledging that he had been directed to probably target Muslim communities in Southern California.” The agent “used listening devices to record people’s conversation when there was no suggestion they were actually involved in any kind of criminal activity,” he says. “So the difference is now that’s allowed.” 

German says the FBI doesn’t need an indicator of criminal activity anymore in order to watch a person. All they had to show was that an individual needed to be watched because they fit into the parameters of an established FBI’s mission to stop terrorism. That is, maybe they could commit a terroristic act someday in the future. 

“They have continued using that tactic and initially it was mostly used against Muslims but has broadened out because it’s a successful tactic as far as the FBI is concerned,” he says. “My concern with that is you’re targeting the lowest-hanging fruit.”

“I know from my own investigations that there are actually people out there plotting serious attacks who have obtained weapons, who have recruited people who have violent pasts, who are willing to commit violent crimes,” German adds. “Why we’re focusing on people who were so incapable and using the resources of the government to improve their capability of doing harm, rather than focusing on people who are engaging in violence, it’s hard for me to understand that that’s a legitimate use of government resources.”

For years, Greenberg has kept a close eye on international terror cases unfolding in U.S. courts, often with elements that feel similar to Keebler’s: A person believed to be associated with al-Qaeda is surrounded by informants and undercover agents, and the person of interest is given a bomb to ignite in the name of an international terror group. 

“So the FBI’s defense on this, and it’s worth thinking about, is ‘Look, I could have been al-Qaeda. I could have been an al-Qaeda operative trained and on-message. … If I could get him to do it, don’t you think an al-Qaeda guy could have gotten him to do it?’ And it works with a jury. It works. Because they say to the jury, ‘Would you have said yes to this guy?’”

  III.

In February 2016, one month after Finicum was shot by authorities after fleeing the traffic stop in Oregon, the members of Patriots Defense Force met at a Carl’s Jr. near Keebler’s home. One way this meeting had been viewed was as a planning session for the group’s next steps — ones that could have potentially led to violence.

Put another way, entirely: Keebler’s defense attorney framed this as a meeting at a fast food restaurant with two FBI agents — one of whom taunted him as a coward and pushed him toward action — and a government informant.

According to court documents, at that meeting Miller mocked Keebler, saying that the Patriots and PDF were just a group of “Facebook fuckin’ Nazis” who have a lot to say on the internet, but never take action in real life. 

Keebler, in response, suggested the group do some reconnaissance of potential targets in Salt Lake City. Miller — who, don’t forget, was there as an undercover FBI agent — suggested targeting Muslims. According to his attorney, Keebler told Miller he didn’t how to find any. Miller then offered to google a mosque, and the group drove there in two cars. 

Keebler says that once outside the mosque, agents asked him why he wouldn’t bomb it. Keebler claims he pointed to the buildings around it. “I said, ‘I’ll tell you why you can’t. You see that big-ass building behind you over your left shoulder?’” he recalls. “I said, ‘That’s one reason you can’t. You’re never getting out of this place. Second: Look at the terrain.’ 

“People were walking around coming in and outside, and started playing basketball. And I said, ‘You see that? Those are kids. There’s women and children playing basketball and shit.’ Like, y’all have lost it.” 

So, the group moved on. The caravan drove past an FBI building and a Bureau of Land Management office. Miller suggested that they send a mail bomb to it, or use a truck bomb to blow it up. Keebler, again, resisted — and the recon mission ended.

Around this point, even Davis, the other undercover agent, was unsure about the tactics he and Miller were using with Keebler. In text messages presented in court by Keebler’s defense, Davis wrote to his handler, Steve Daniels: “So I was thinking on the drive home. I hope we didn’t open Pandora’s box in a way by taking [Keebler] to a mosque he might not have found on his own. With the case winding down on our end I am worried about our liability if he happens to go back sometime on his own.” 

In another message, Davis wrote to Daniels: “I’m all for pushing him, but we can’t sound more radical to him.” Davis expressed concern that it seemed like he and Miller would leading the recon mission: “To me, that’s what it sounds like we are doing,” he texted. 

In another text, Davis noted that pushing Keebler was “grinding” on him. “I wanted to push [Keebler] outside his comfort zone to take his temperature, not lead him to something,” he wrote. “I am not down with giving him all the ideas like when [Miller] told him that we would have to mail a bomb to the BLM office … or drive a car bomb up to it. We can’t be putting crazy ideas into a crazy guy’s head.”

Daniels said he’d listen to the recordings. “I haven’t got the mail bomb stuff. (Yikes),” he wrote. 

Illustration by Zoë van Dijk

If it sounds like Bill Keebler was pushed to an act of domestic terrorism by the government itself, that’s certainly what defense intimated during court proceedings. And I tried to get the government’s side of this — filing a FOIA request for the full context of these text messages. But after half a year of waiting for those documents, I still haven’t gotten a response. So I’m stuck with what Keebler tells me, sipping his coffee as he worries our waiter is watching him.

After 26 months of surveilling Keebler, he was handed an improvised explosive device by one of those undercover officers — the same one who said he had an explosives background — and a detonator. Together with the agents, they made the long drive from Keebler’s Utah home, several hours south in the rough desert of Northern Arizona, to an empty BLM building. 

Arguably, along the way, Keebler had plenty of opportunities to say stop, turn around, let’s not do this, I can’t. But he didn’t. And when the bomb was placed at the building near Mt. Trumbull by the undercover agent — near where the Bundy’s ancestors once tried to make a home — Keebler’s finger was the only one on the button. 

Court documents show differing views on what Keebler was willing to do if people were inside the building. In sworn testimony, Daniels told the court that Keebler and Miller discussed what to do if BLM officers were inside, and Keebler “made a comment of: ‘fuck ‘em.’”

He hit the button three times. An explosion went off, but Keebler was too far away to see that his “bomb” was actually a fake, and the sound he heard was a concussion grenade deployed by the FBI. His lawyer called his intent to destroy the place a “serious property crime.” The government called it a bombing. 

***

I ask Keebler what the federal government, ideally, would look like to him. After Bundy Ranch, what did he decide he’d like to see change? 

He says not only does he want the federal government to stay out of the business of individual states, he wants it to be purged of the people he believes are ruining the country. The “deep state,” he says. 

“Everybody knows they’ve outlawed prayer in school,” he says. “You can’t do the Pledge of Allegiance in our schools, but now we got Muslims praying in the hallways in our schools and in our classrooms, and teachers are now making kids dress up like Muslims. And —”

“Where is this happening?” I stop him.

“A number of places. Yeah. They have taken over whole cities. 

“They want to stop prayer, they want to stop all the American stuff. The Boy Scouts and everything. Make it Islam. They’re out there on the streets right now with hundreds of them bowing, they’ve shut down whole roads, and the cops are standing over them making sure nobody interrupts them. Are you serious? It’s what Bradley tanks are for. You get about 50 rednecks with four-wheel-drive pickups and we’ll end that problem.” 

Keebler is advocating for something that sounds like intimidation at best, and slaughtering Muslims in the streets of America at the worst. And it’s all informed by his conspiratorial worldview. Maybe this is the kind of talk that brought the FBI to him.

“They have their own cops now,” he says. They’re arresting Christians, he says, and I’m shaking my head at him. It’s on the internet, he says. “You need to do your homework.”

“Do you think the federal government is involved in that?” Haas, my producer, asks. 

None of this is based in fact, but that doesn’t matter to Keebler. “I know damn well they are,” he says defiantly.

It should be no shock at this point to tell you that Keebler is an ardent Donald Trump supporter. He loves him. 

“Obama’s not even a black. He’s not African American, he’s Muslim — Kenya or some shit,” Keebler says. “The agreement that they put him in as the president is that he would make way for more Muslims to be up again in the United States. That’s what’s actually come out recently.”

“But who says that?” I press him.

“One of the news — some reporter somewhere,” he says. 

“Soros is financing a lot of it,” Keebler says, calmly, like this is a normal thing to believe and I’m thinking, again, about how people can pick ideas like these up from Trump now. 

It seems like this is what happens when conspiracies become the language the powerful use to communicate to disenfranchised people aching for a target — an explanation and a reason — for their discontent.

“A lot of this is about the New World Order. Look at the pedophilia going on right now. …  It’s all over the internet.” Keebler looks from Haas to me and back again, shocked at our ignorance. 

“I can’t believe y’all don’t know none of this stuff,” he says.

But what would be the point of “knowing” something that isn’t real? 

****

Before we leave Keebler, I ask him about the bylaws of Patriots Defense Force — which were presented as evidence against him in his case. 

I was particularly drawn to the “alert levels” that spell out how members should react in various stages of emergencies. In the worst-case scenario — a level 5 or “black” situation — the bylaws tell militia members to prepare for the absolute worst: “Get gear, family and haul ass to pre-arranged rendezvous point, or bunker down,” it reads. “THE BALLOON HAS GONE UP!”

“What is the shit hits the fan scenario?” I ask.

“During the Obama administration,” he says, “if he calls martial law I’m not gonna wait till he comes to my town. It’s too late. That would have been a shit hit the fan.” 

“So what’s the difference now?”

“I think if Trump declares martial law, it would be in a more controlled manner. He’s not coming after Patriots. He’s not coming after militia,” he says. 

“Do you mean he’s not coming after white people?” I ask.

“No. No, see there you go pushing the racist bullshit,” he says, despite the fact that, for two hours, he’s been talking about Muslims in the most hateful terms I’ve ever heard in an in-person conversation.

“What do you think happens if the Democrats impeach Trump or some kind of charges are brought?” he asks us. “What do you think happens? It’s over. All bets are off,” says Keebler.

“What does that mean?” Haas asks him. 

“All bets are off,” he smiles. “Take that for what it’s worth. People are wanting retaliation. They want revenge, they want payback for a lot of things. This abortion crap. What happened to LaVoy. What is happening to our children. What has happened to our streets. What is happening in our schools. People want retribution.”

***

Bill Keebler says he’s never even heard of Panaca, Nevada. Never heard of a Jones, or a Cluff or another bomb in the desert the summer he tried to bomb the BLM building. I’ve learned tons about the Patriots from talking to him, but nothing more about Panaca.  

We spend the next week driving through the mountains, through deserts, through towns built by polygamists and pioneers. I see the appeal of life out here. Of disappearing into the wild and forgetting about the rest of the world.  

But no matter how many times I use my job as an excuse to disappear into parts of the West I wouldn’t otherwise go to, I always end up feeling a sense of relief when I’m back, sitting in traffic in a city again. 

I’m thinking of Keebler the next day, at the TSA checkpoint inside McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas. Where people say goodbye to their family members and start to weave through a long, snaking line, there’s a man who looks as rumpled as Keebler — but isn’t white — seated with three police officers standing around him. 

It’s a busy Sunday, there are people and kids waiting in line, watching this scene. Things seem calm, albeit weird. And then the man raises his voice. I’m close enough to hear him yell something about the Constitution, about liberty. And the officers stand him up and restrain his wrists behind his back, then lead him away. The line slithers on.

But something’s different. At the front of the line a TSA agent barks orders: Stand side by side. Walk slowly. As we progress two by two, a thick black dog led by a Homeland Security agent sniffs everyone in a circle. I hear the guy being led away shout something about “We, the People.”

The orders continue. Show your ID. Put it away. Shoes off? No, shoes on. Take out your laptops. Use two bins for all your stuff. Stop. Walk. Wait. 

It’s a language we all seem to speak in a dialect that’s always changing, for reasons we don’t know — but what we understand is that this language doesn’t include the words that guy was saying. Or, what he is now likely still saying somewhere else in this airport, in a secret place or room we also know, but don’t really.

I think about Keebler, how I could see him in that same situation here, and how he’s been called a terrorist, and yet still, there’s all these things we don’t know about the government’s role in his story. His case is sealed tight. Why are they keeping it so opaque?

I’m still not convinced a guy like Keebler really could carry out an elaborate bomb plot without ample help. But even so, there’s one thing in court documents that I kept coming back to: that in the hours after Keebler believed he detonated a bomb, as he drove back to Utah, amped up on what he’d just done, he offered a declaration. According to the government, Keebler said after the bombing, “This isn’t about LaVoy, it’s what he stood for.” 

In Panaca, police reports said Jones mentioned LaVoy Finicum in the same breath as his bomb. And now here, with Keebler, there he is again. 

All these years later, the ghost of LaVoy Finicum continues to push the Patriot movement forward. And yet all this time I’ve been reporting on this movement, I know so little about him. He was the guy who was killed by police, who no one heard hide nor hair of before Bundy Ranch. But what did he actually believe and why is it so persuasive? 

I can understand how people who have questions, who never get answers, form their own explanations. How out here in the West, so far from where the decisions are made about how this society works, people can’t figure out how to access the information they need. Everything about Keebler’s case feels Orwellian. He’s a racist, and it’s easy to write him off. But I see now how writing him off means patrolling what he thinks, and that policing certain thoughts — no matter how gross — means a denial of certain rights. 

At the airport, I don’t ask questions about which of my liberties are being violated when I go through the security line. I don’t scream and shout about the Constitution when I’m loading my laptop into the bin. Or when I take off my shoes. Or when I put my hands above my head in a machine that seems to suggest it can see through me for things maybe even I don’t know are there.

***

Leah Sottile is a freelance journalist based in Portland, Oregon. Her work has appeared in theWashington Post, Playboy, California Sunday Magazine, Outside, The Atlantic and Vice.

Editors: Mike Dang and Kelly Stout Illustrator: Zoë van Dijk Fact checker: Matt Giles Copy editor: Jacob Gross

Special thanks to everyone at Oregon Public Broadcasting.

from Blogger https://ift.tt/2lsYZVw via IFTTT

[welovebullydogs]

New Post has been published on Haiwanat

New Post has been published on http://haiwanat.eu/cute-animals/getting-cute-child-clothes/

Getting Cute Child clothes

by Stephen Braund

Everybody wants their own baby to look adorable. Individuals always try finding out clothing which are comfortable and create their baby look adorable. You will find number of locations from to find adorable baby clothing. Numerous parents like their infants to dress their infants in a rancher or a cowgirl design.

There are a variety associated with choices for moms and dads to choose cute baby clothing for their babies. From the imprinted tee shirts in order to comfy trousers the options along with baby clothes retailers are numerous. Selecting western costume baby clothing for your babies also makes them fashionable and cute at the same time. Finding cute baby clothes you should not undervalue comfort ability of garments. You need to allow it to be sure that the clothes which make your child appear cute can also be comfy to him or her. What is high quality of the clothes and also view the material doesn’t harm the tender skin of their infants.

This always suggested opting for brands while selecting cute baby clothes, especially those which exclusively offer baby clothing. These types of brands guarantee of a person of their quality and this is very important factor while choosing cute child clothing. In addition, additionally you obtain interesting options upon choosing clothing from a wide array option available to you. Cute baby clothes are additionally an exclusive choice using these brands.

A few of the common examples that can help you while finding cute child clothes with regard to babies are to choose clothes with hair. Clothing with fur are adorable searching, comfortable tend to be also warm which also protects them from cool temperatures of winter season. Other smart choices of cute clothing is mixture of hats with clothing with bunny ears on their hats. Clothing which illustrate cartoons of animals are also really cute for the infants.

Many parents prefer to buy clothes along with adorable scriptures written onto it. Ask for lovely clothing with awesome colors getting gorgeous scriptures written on it. Searching in internet for cute baby clothes is yet a great idea. You will find not a wide selection of clothing available below cute child clothes however, you come with an advantage on looking in the web. You are able to choose clothes are best to make babies cute. You may also read opinions associated with other moms and dads that have bought cute child clothes plus you can choose excellent types of cute baby clothing just by near a person desktop computer.

Everyone wants their baby to appear adorable. People always attempt discovering clothing which are comfy and make their own baby look adorable. You will find amount of places from to find cute baby clothes. Many parents like their babies to gown their infants within a cowboy or perhaps a cowgirl style.

There are a number associated with options for parents to choose adorable baby clothing for his or her infants. From the imprinted tee shirts in order to comfy trousers the choices along with baby clothes retailers a variety of. Selecting western outfit baby clothes for the babies also generates stylish and cute at the same time. Finding cute child clothes you should not undervalue comfort capability of clothes. You need to make it sure the actual clothes which will make your baby look cute is also comfortable to him or her. What is high quality of the clothing as well as view the fabric doesn’t harm the sensitive skin of their infants.

It always recommended opting for brand names while selecting cute baby clothes, especially those that exclusively offer baby clothing. These brands guarantee of you of their quality and this is very important element while selecting cute baby clothing. In addition, additionally you get great options upon choosing clothes from a wide array choice accessible to you. Cute baby clothes are also a special option with these brands.

Some of the typical examples that will help a person while finding cute child clothes with regard to babies are to go for clothing with hair. Clothing with hair are not only adorable searching, comfortable but are additionally warm which also protects them from cool temps of winter season. Other good choices associated with cute clothing is mixture of hats with clothes with rabbit ears on the caps. Clothing which illustrate cartoons of animals will also be really cute for the infants.

Many parents like to purchase clothes along with adorable scriptures written on it. You can ask with regard to lovely clothes with awesome colors having gorgeous scriptures created onto it. Looking online with regard to cute child clothes is also a good idea. You will find not really a wide variety of clothes available below cute baby clothes however, you come with an advantage on searching within the web. You can decide which clothing is best to make babies cute. You may also go through opinions associated with other moms and dads that have bought cute baby clothes plus you can find dating excellent varieties of adorable baby clothes simply by near a person desktop computer.

Store wisely, and you’ll obtain everything you need with regard to infant’s arrival having a minimum investment of money. Be sure to check out cute newborn baby clothes for fantastic offers on baby clothes trendy baby clothes.