#here I am almost 20 years later thinking about it every time I buy or cook eggs

[napalmstrikebarbie]

absolutely crazy to me that sometimes you can read a book and feel kinda ehh about it and discover that it's still living in your head rent free decades later

[moopsy-daisy]

Make Your Own Cosmetics, Get What You Actually Want

Once you've been in zero waste, eco friendly, solarpunk/lunarpunk circles for a while, it's easy to forget the steps you took when you started. There are lots of DIY projects I've been doing for 10+ years now, and I keep doing them because they work (for me). Yet, when I sit back and think "am I doing enough?" I always gloss over the myriad things that have become part of my everyday life.

Making these things won't save the environment, but you'll get products that meet your needs on your terms, will save you money, and you won't have to worry about a company discontinuing your favorites. Plus, it seems like a lot less packaging to just buy a brick of beeswax and toss in some kitchen stuff you already had to make makeup.

Henna

I got really lucky, I always wanted red hair and henna is a natural dye that only comes in red. Well, more of a coppery tone. But, here's the other cool thing: the henna process is anti-fungal and controls dandruff. Half the time, I remember to color my hair because my scalp starts getting itchy 6+ weeks later and I start to get flakes. Coloring my hair takes care of my scalp and I don't need dandruff shampoo to keep it healthy. It's cost-effective, buying high quality henna for a year's worth of color (for my length and thicc hair) is about $60 for 18-months' of materials. I mix it when I need it, and keep the powder in the freezer. Pro-tip, if you or your partner don't like the grassy, hay-like smell of henna, add cardamom or ginger powder to the mix. It doesn't change the color but it'll knock down the scent.

I learned everything I needed to know about Henna for Hair here: http://hennaforhair.com and buy through Catherine's store because I know I'm getting real, quality henna powder.

Oh and a cloth wrap for your hair will let you keep the henna covered without wasting plastic wrap every time you redo your roots. I've been using the same 'turbie twist' wraps for years now. I made them from old t-shirts and they're stained as fuck. Who cares? This is basically their only job.

Carmine Lip Color

No, it isn't vegan. Yes, it's made of bugs. It's also a spectacular color, the insects aren't abused in the process of gathering or raising. They're actually parasites on nopal cactus, they have a simple niche and serve it well. I learned this lip stain recipe from Humblee & Me, and have found that the anti-bacterial doesn't seem to be necessary, ymmv. A 2.5 gram sample pack of carmine from TKB has lasted me almost a year and I wear this almost daily. I find that the glycerin really helps keep my lips from drying out too badly, so I wear my lip stain even when I'm not planning on being seen by other people. I spend about $20 on lip color for a year and that's including the bottles I use to store it (tiny eyedroppers work best imo) and the glycerin. Not quite zero waste but darn close.

Note: I'm still trying to find a simple recipe for black goth lipstick that I like. So far, my attempts have had a nasty texture and aren't worth the trouble.

Eyebrow Fill

My favorite brand of eyebrow liner discontinued the best color I ever found, so I decided to make my own. Beeswax, cocoa powder, activated charcoal, and almond oil made a little pot of eyebrow fill that suits my needs beautifully. Go super light on the charcoal until you know you've got the color you want. My brows are pretty dark but not fully black, so I do a dark chocolate sort of shade. I think I made my last batch about 11 months ago and it's still half full. I use it daily, apply with an angled brush, and it's never given me breakouts or anything. I don't even wash it off, because I am lazy.

Body Powder/Dry shampoo

Growing up in California, I didn't need this stuff. Living in Oregon? Summer would be awful without body powder. It's also a nice way to have a fragrance on. Pour your favorite perfume (I love Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab oils) onto a cotton ball, put that ball in a jar with a bunch of corn starch. Shake. Leave it for a month. You now have scented body powder. It's a decent dry shampoo, too, I just brush it into my dark hair and it disappears.

Tooth Powder

There is NOTHING wrong with using conventional toothpaste if it meets your needs. I have particular reasons for using tooth powder. These include hating the taste of most toothpaste and needing to avoid fluoride because of my particular thyroid condition. (Fluoride isn't bad for everyone! It isn't ideal for everyone. Figure out what you need!) I make my own tooth powder, it works well enough for me and I don't hate brushing my teeth like I used to. 1 part baking soda, 1 part bentonite clay, some ground cloves. Mix it up, keep in a glass jar (metal will bond with the clay, bad things happen, this is why we use glass or plastic for storage). $20 of materials = LOADS of tooth powder.

Cutting Hair

It's way easier than you think. I cut my own hair and I do a graduated bob which is a little more complex than most at-home cuts. I taught myself. I use decent shears (don't use scissors) and a Wahl hair trimmer set. Learn this skill on yourself, and when people find out you can do hair, they'll come to you for their own needs. Great way to provide mutual aid (one of my parents is trans and getting haircuts in a salon would be extremely stressful for her, so I cut her hair and save her money and suffering). You could also do skill trades! I trade haircuts for massages from a massage therapist friend, for example.

Protip: Dust yourself with body powder before cutting hair, it makes the little shards of cut hair way less prone to sticking to you. You'll still want a shower but it'll just be less icky.

[tepkunset]

Top Surgery Journey Part 1

16 was the worst age of my life. My mother was diagnosed with stage-three breast cancer. We were evicted from our house and had to move again, this time to a shitty thin-walled apartment with drug-dealers for neighbours. I was half-way through my first year of high school, where I was bulled for what might as well have been a glowing neon “I have autism” sign strapped to my back. And I realized I liked girls—that terrified me almost as much as the threat of losing my mom.

My father used to tell me and my brother that the two things we were not allowed to be were gay or clergy. He said things like “all gay people should be put on an island” – your typical homophobic rhetoric. As an autistic child, I took him literally, and thought that if I was gay, he would discard me on an island to die. Living in Nova Scotia, it’s not like there’s a lack of islands around where he could have done so, in my mind. That probably sounds ridiculous to read if you’re neurotypical, but it’s what I genuinely thought at the time.

It wasn’t until my early 20’s that I started coming out to people as liking women. By that time my parents had divorced and I started looking after my mother and brother. I became more accepting of my sexuality, especially thanks to the encouragement from online queer spaces. And when I became more accepting of my sexuality, I started to question my gender as well. There were so many things that trans/non-binary people spoke of that I could identify within myself; things I never questioned before, or just assumed everyone felt that way. It prompted me to think about all the things that made me feel outside of my gender growing up, such as the intense jealousy I felt over my mother’s double mastectomy.

I know, right? It’s true though. She survived cancer, and all I could think of was how much I wished I could be rid of my breasts, too.

I was late in puberty. It didn’t start to hit until about age 15, so I was very new to the developing breasts I hated so very much, at the same time my mother was getting rid of hers. But when they came, they came in heavy. I was genetically cursed with a large chest, and it made shopping suddenly a nightmare for me, because I preferred the men’s section. I started the habit of buying clothing twice my size to hide my body. I hated looking at myself in the mirror, because I felt disgusted with what I saw at best, or like I didn’t want a body at all at worst. I stopped going swimming; something I used to enjoy. Despite my family history, I never did breast exams because I couldn’t stand to think about them in such detail. One of the reasons I hate exercise in general is because I hate the sensation of my breasts moving so much, even when packed in sports bras. All because I know now, having been professionally diagnosed over a decade later, I have gender dysphoria.

(Insert here a reminder that not all transgender people have gender dysphoria, and that doesn’t make them any less trans. I am purely speaking about my own experiences!)

It’s only been a few years that I’ve opened up about my nonconformity to the western gender binary to the people I know in real life. Most of my close co-workers are 50+ years old cishet white women, who while mean well, are quite ignorant of gender diversity. I’ve been fortunate to only have to deal with one co-worker who did not respond well to my request to stop calling me “yes missy”, “yes girl”, “yes ma’am”, insisting it was just what they were taught from their generation and that I needed to respect that. But my manager has been very supportive, and made it very clear that it’s expected I be treated with respect, too. (She also added a rainbow flag to her email signature with the line “I respect inclusion”, which I thought was cute.)

My top surgery is two weeks away now, and I’m so excited to get it done that I think about it before bed every night. Knowing that soon I will be going to sleep on a table and then waking up with a flat chest is thrilling. Thinking about how much this is going to change my life is thrilling. I have worries about the surgery itself of course—I’ve only been under anaesthesia once when I was very little; too little to remember. I’ve never been on high pain-killers before. I worry about the drainage tubes and looking after them. But I figure these concerns are probably very normal, and I have to remind myself that people every day are going through the same surgery I’m about to go through. The surgeon who will be operating on me has almost two decades of experience. The clinic I’m going to in Montréal has a good reputation, from what I’ve been able to hear from others. There’s reason to believe things will go well.

[frozenoj]

Disability Approved Side Hustles

I've been planning on making a video/tiktok series about this for like two months—but, you know, disabled—so maybe I'll update it to be fancier later. Who knows?

Note: None of these are going to make you enough to live on, either together or separately, but sometimes every little bit counts!

Bridge Money - referral code TWSCBQ

This is the simplest/easiest of my suggestions. Watch up to 25 ads a day for 1 cent each. Yeah, I know that's only like $7 a month if you remember most days. But it's so easy to do while doing almost anything else (that let's you use a hand for a sec every 30 secs or so) that it's just $7 you're leaving on the table if you don't do it.

You also get 2 cents cash back for purchases if you link a card. They have random offers for $4 if you do x thing, games you earn 1 cent a minute for playing, etc. But I mainly just get my 25 cents each day.

Please use a referral code, either mine or someone else's, because both people get $1!

Mistplay - referral in link (android only)

This is the main one I use. You play games on an android device and earn units you can then buy giftcards with. This is good if on SSI because it doesn't go to your bank account! But it does have paypal as an option if that's not a concern. I've earned over $400 so far, and someone more dedicated could have earned more in the same time frame. (I don't want to burn out.)

The best strategy is to play games that have the most "speed" bubbles first, and up to checkpoint 5, then switch games. Find one "loyalty game" that gives 4 gems per $1 and spend $2 to get to silver status (should last two months). DO NOT UNINSTAL THAT GAME! As long as you're actively using the app, you'll make the $2 back from the bonuses. Sometimes you'll get a "Daily Task" to get to checkpoint 6+ and depending on the reward it might be worth it then. If a game is boosted to like 8 speed bubbles, it can also be worth it go past checkpoint 5. Use your judgement.

Playwell - don't think it does referrals?

Very similar to Mistplay. If you like playing games on your phone and want to play one Mistplay doesn't have, it might be here. (I refuse to play games for free anymore lol.) I mostly just have it because sometimes I'm able to double dip. Right now I am playing Merge Inn which is a 4 speed bubble game on Mistplay and earns 5k points per 15 minutes on Playwell. I'm going past checkpoint 5 for this one because I'll earn $2 if I get to level 31 in the game through Playwell plus the time based rewards. And I just like merging games.

Swagbucks - referral in link

Swagbucks has a ton of stuff. I would suggest you actually look up a post specific to that to see all the options because it's like surveys, receipts, offer walls, coupons, just... a lot.

But like Mistplay and Playwell it also does games. And like Playwell you can also sometimes double dip! So I'll check there and see if they have an offer for games that have higher speed bubbles on Mistplay. Some of the offers are really hard and time consuming so def look into it first, though. You can often find guides on reddit for getting them done on time.

Atlas Earth - referral code BAMSSE

This is going to seem like a scam at first. I actually had it downloaded for a few weeks, thought it was too much effort for too little return, stopped using it, and then changed my mind. It has a sort of snowball effect so at the beginning you'll make basically nothing—fractions of a cent kinda nothing—but over time have the potential to make a few hundred bucks a year.

At the beginning it is more important to be hard core about it. I had a timer set every 20 minutes for a while lol. Now, I'm a bit more lax. If I kept up the timer I could increase my earnings faster but again, don't want to burn out. I'm at the point now where I'll make about $5 a month as long as I get on every 5-6 hours for a couple minutes.

This is another one where you need to use a referral code, even if not mine! You get 200 "atlas bucks" for free after buying your 10th plot of land as long as you use a referral code before buying I think your second. I really regret not using a code myself!

Upside - referral TASHA43729

This one is more about saving money than making money. They do cash back on gas and some other things. I recently drove from PA to FL and got $28 in cash back for the gas we bought on the trip down. (Didn't really use it on the way back, because Grandma gave us some giftcards. 🥰) You can also get 5-20% at random restaurants and like Bath & Body Works?? The ads say also grocery stores but we don't have any that take part in our area. You can (and we did) use this in conjunction with the 2 cents from Bridge money, whatever cash back you get on the card itself, scanning the receipt, etc.

[wilhelmfink]

july 25, 2023 - 12:31am

Thinking.

Keep reading

My face stings from popping it open about 20 times. All along the jaw, whatever that means. I want to start gua-shaing, or whatever it is. I want to buy weights and work out again. There's a lot I want to do. Vyvanse to curb my appetite that's only here because I'm happy? Isn't that a good thing? I'm back to where I was before.

I told someone new about what happened almost two years ago now, and shivered until I fell asleep. At least I was in his arms.

Thinking about how surprised I am to be here. About whether or not I should be, if I should still be ferrel, but he's the only one I ever want to be with. I just didn't think it would come this fast. Two years later even, and I'm still surprised. I'm in a sweet little bubble. Living in light terror, but things can be so soft and bright with you.

Thinking about how funny it is that your "repulsion" still leads you back to our playlist. Thinking about how officially I got the ick. Thinking about how afraid I am of you sometimes.

Went through a phase where I was dreaming of the past. I wake up thinking, "if only it were that easy", and then remember why it isn't, and why it shouldn't be. Everything she doesn't know. Damage running years deep. What a damn fucking shame. Fucking spineless cunts.

Thinking about my little dogs, and all their tiny mannerisms I stared at, kissed and cried over, whispered endless sweet little lovings to them for their whole lives. Thinking about how there will never be a day I don't miss them, where I don't miss how their fur felt in between my fingers, how her little nose would snort little snots all over my face, how he aimed his tongue, striking his target every day. His sweet little butt, her soft pink belly. It never ends. It's never fair. My love has never diminished, not by a bit.

I think I'm gonna try and craft a finsta post. I'll see you soon.

[windandwater]

new york is at it again!

delivery guy yesterday who I have NO memory of: “I haven’t seen you in a while!” me: “well I just got home so you got lucky!” idk it was just really sweet

bodega guy: how are you doing? me: okay...almost done mailing everything bg: oh for christmas? I haven’t done anything, you wanna know why? me: ...why... bg: because I’m Muslim! me: HA! I was gonna ask if you celebrate! bg: NOPE

bit later in the conversation: “this lady was saying she doesn’t know how she’s going to explain that she can’t afford to buy anything this year, I told her, just become Muslim!”

he’s right

have never had such a pleasant time running errands as this week, guy in the grocery store whole ass read my mind as to what I was looking for (clementines), convo in the new pharmacy ended with the guy ordering the meds I need next month in advance and them giving me their freaking “we’re a new business here’s a planner” gift.

another bodega guy conversation, once again griping about how expensive everything is, I was buying eggs? I didn’t say anything about the price but he mentioned they’re expensive and I had just come from the grocery store where the cheapest ones were eight dollars (!!!!). he was like yeah we used to pay 20 dollars for a case and now they’re 116 dollars a case. a hundred and sixteen dollars. for medium eggs, not even large eggs. they’re not that expensive in Jersey but they come across the bridge and the price shoots up. we just stood there shaking our heads at each other like what the fuck can you do.

a friend of mine started work at a new and extremely nice restaurant and her gift to me this year was a meal there and they kept just. bringing me out comped food and drinks. I am extremely full. but also part of the way through these two children ran right past the host (it was her first day) and straight to where we were sitting talking and tried to ask us for donations for something. ???? my friend was like excuse me where are your parents while they babbled about not wanting to get in trouble and were ushered out and I died laughing.

also they brought out my smoked fish in a wooden chest. why isn’t all food brought to the table in a wooden chest. every restaurant ever: take. notes.

got to the train and there’s just. a guy on the tracks. am I getting home tonight??? who knows!! Eric Adams likes to think an occupying army of cops will fix all this city’s problems, but they were apparently staring into the void doing nothing while an MTA employee tried to get LITERALLY ANYONE’S attention to get the dude some help! hahahaha! I hate it here!

they got the guy off the tracks and everything’s fine

on the way home my next door neighbor texted (the one who I met because they kept getting my mail, not the one who I met because she needed to break into her apartment--look this city is wild) asking if I had a covid test because they might be exposed so before I could sit down and deal with the massive amount of food I just ate I had to go ahead and run that over.

I fucking love it here.

[letsflynow]

Part 3/20 – Flower’s story

I miss uni, I was allowed to learn every day, I was surrounded by new people hourly, nobody cared about me, no one noticed if I came dressed in all black, or if my long white sleeve was a little red on the arms. I did it again yes, I just got home, did it, and took a shower. It’s done. And I will do it again tomorrow. If I do it quietly nobody will know and I deserve it. I’ll just do it when I get home. Maybe I’ll do it here, the bathroom its quiet right now, just take you Swiss army knife and do it. Don’t cry, no feelings, you deserve it lets go 

do it

 do it

 don’t thi- 

Oh, its bleeding more than usual, breath. I feel the adrenaline kick in, oh it’s a nice one hang on a minute I’ll talk to you later.

We are now going 9 years strong and here I am! We bought a house together and here we are. There we go, mid pandemic and buying a house, how amazing are we!?! Did I ever tell how much I don’t want it? I stopped talking about houses a few years ago but he carried on. He did it. I don’t know how, but he did it, against all my heart. Now I’m living with him, cold house, seasonless pillows, no oranges anymore. Can you smile sometimes? He says that all the time, silly boy. I cry every night but if I do it quietly, he won’t know and hurt me again. One time I made a noise, and he heard it, what a painful night that was. I have 2 bruises left, they stay with me to remind me to shut up. Be small and insignificant, just like S always told you to be.

How silly was I, for thinking I would break the cycle? Count me in, one in the machine, my partner beats me and I make the meals, lets goo, sign me up for an eternity of daydreaming with romance and a lifetime of thinking how much better I would me with F. I called him Flowers for short because he made everyone’s day better.

F was a player, he could have gotten all the girls, all the *older* girls. We were in the first year at uni and he was untouchable, but so was I!! I was so funny, way before I meet V, I was lively, unbound and purposefully funny , I got him to hug me , he always sat beside me, he came to me and on that rainy December night, after a group dinner where we both heavily drunk, he kissed me on my forehead and told me “You are incredible”, and I lit up, I was wanted! Finally, a kiss from the boy they all want. So of course, I swiftly escaped the group and got on my train home. Ready to overthink it while he doesn’t remember it at all. 

The day after we saw each other and I was shinning, beaming, ready for the logical next step (imagining it all and saying nothing) and he was my flower, my sun, wanted by all. i cant stop looking at him, I cant remember what class we were taking but I remember where he was, what he dressed, how his soft voice has when he tried to talk during class, how he laughed…  he always sat at the back of the class (obviously, I fell for a bad boy after all) and I hated him for that, just that, not being able to look at him was demotivating, I was so glad this class had a break in the middle of it. We all went out, relaxing, stretching our legs, talking about something I didn’t care about and there he was, like a fox, mingling with us, talking about something I also didn't care about and he looked at me, eyes locked, his soft face smiling AT ME?! Why are his arms open? Why is he coming close? He is moving to fast what is happeni- 

A hug, he smells nice… I can feel him all over me, where his belt starts, such a light hug, long embrace, I can almost imagine the rest of our lifes together, is this how molecules feel when they created the stars? My whole body isn’t mine, I’m tingling, flying, that’s it I’m yours. What a silly little smile I wore thru the rest of the day. Nobody could wipe it, what a great life we could have had. Did you imagine it too?

Z was another of my overthinking misadventures….

[livingoutloudstuff]

Scrolling till the end of time....

As of late, my life has become totally unmanageable to me. Maybe not to God, the force, HP, however you want to call it. But I find myself going to work and waking up scrolling for hours, I mean HOURS, because I just don't know how to do life right now. Right now, I have no answers to anything, and it's concerning me. For example, I have this student loan debt that I've had since I graduated college, and all these years later, it's still unmanageable. My health situation is unmanageable, I'm worrying about my rent going up in Oct when his mom comes back, like all these things....so I don't want to eat or get out of my bed in the morning. I'm training for a second restaurant job and I have no idea who my true friends are. I'm understanding that I need to bounce my ideas off of people and I need people in my life, but it's not working with the support system I have. Or maybe this is showing me that I can do this alone? Well, clearly not since this is bothering me so much I can't get out of bed and I can't really feed myself all that well. So, what do I do?

I can leave the city.

I can work 2 jobs, stack up my money, not think about my ex.

I can think about my ex, and be alone.

I can spend every waking moment staring into space.

Here's the thing, I'm trying to keep my nervous system in check and all I'm doing is back to eating stimulants and pastries, complex carbs, things that chill me out, cause I'm like at 100 internally all the time.

So the student loan, I want to explain what happened.

I graduated in 2008, with I guess an archaic version of student loans called FFELP, which is a type of loan that had a 3rd party lender (kinda reminds me of those scalpers or 3rd party people that buy tickets and then jacks up the price for music shows, but whatever), and in 2010 they created Direct Loans, that are directly from the government instead (which is why I always wondered why my sister had "better" loans than me). I say that because my loans didn't qualify for the pause during the pandemic and also has a variable interest rate (which the person helping me had never seen before). So yea I graduated with 7 different loans, 4 private and 3 federal. I have spent the last years paying off the private loans and in 2 years, I will be officially done with those. And now for the past couple of days, I've been dealing with how to handle these loans because: recently 2 of my loans jumped from @2-3% interest to 7.7% and that made me take a deep dive into how to fix this, which is how I found out about this whole mess anyway. Between paying student loans, rent and looking for work, I have been a little bit of a mess, also I can't seem to shake off my life that was, being in a relationship for almost 5 years. So lots of numbers and very little time for fun, it seems. Ok, back to these loans. Between 3 people, I was able to get so much clarity on my student loans: so what I had to do was consolidate my loans to Direct and re-apply for an IDR(F) repayment plan, because the IDR plan that I was on may or may not qualify for the forgiveness after 20 years, because maybe I was not on the right plan? That part is still unclear, though. I have to wait and see the number for next year. So this last person helped me get that in order and I legit cried when that was all done, because here was a person who actually was trying to help me and I am so grateful. It's not like I am not trying to pay my loans, I am an actor, an artist, I have always worked multiple jobs, I've lived with my family and now at my age, it would be nice to live alone - and I still have roommates. My friend says to me why am I not famous/successful like the other people my age are like yet, but I don't know, I'm literally trying to do all the right things in my life. I'm trying to keep a steady head in a chaotic af world, I'm trying to handle these loans that I had for decades at this point, I'm trying to stay healthy so that I can keep doing what I love and that is another thing I'm working on. And so, I have a lot on my plate and yet, someone will take one look at me and say I'm not doing much, sometimes that even comes from my own family. It hurts sometimes to not feel like people really get you. And I guess I'm understanding that maybe it's not for them to get. It's for me to get.

I hope that none of this makes sense. I hope that I have a ton of run-on sentences and all those things I was believed to be wrong from teachers. Because look at me, I'm here in NYC and working my life away it seems, I'm not eating well and I know I need to go to the grocery store, but I literally do not want to get out of bed. I don't want to push myself, I don't want to see the world, I just want to hide and I know that's not the right answer either, but I def feel stuck and I want to feel like I can work and still accomplish my health goals and artist goals and life goals and travel....but right now I'm not doing that. Right now, I've been catapulted to how life was before. And I do realize what I'm doing is not long-term the best for my health. I got all these books to read and maybe what I will do is take a shower, go to a cafe and read before my training shift.

It's really important for me to have people around, but maybe I'm just not really getting what to do. I'm going to put it in the God jar and maybe meditate for a minute.

[acquavergine]

I wanted to also ask you some questions but I really lost the day yesterday going though boxes of books photos and letters. My husband lost his father and brother much too early so along with his own personal belongings he also has both of theirs. His father saved hundreds of envelopes because he collected stamps, the envelopes are so beautiful and inside some of them are tons of little corners of other envelopes that he tore off to keep just the stamp. Maybe that’s why I’m melting our messages with the idea letters and pen pals. I didn’t speak Italian before I moved here… actually I didn’t plan to move here at all… I just came to escape providence for a minute because it can feel like claustrophobic soap opera sometimes. I lived in Rome with some “friends” at first and they gave me a little room with a bathroom and balcony.. and fed me and treated me really sweetly. Their two daughters were 9 and 11 at the time and they told me I could stay as long as I wanted since their girls were at an age that was somewhere in between needing a nanny and preparing their own lunch everyday. So I ended up staying with them for 2 years! Or maybe even longer.. and preparing lunch for, and eventually with, the girls almost every day! During that time I received my dual citizenship recognition (which was not straightforward/took longer than necessary for various reasons) and of course there was the quarantine and pandemic etc. Also my parents were going through a divorce so looking back I think I was kind of hiding out in that cocoon of a room and reforming my ideas about family structures and dynamics. Any way, I really admire this family and the way they live/are/exist. The parents are exactly the same age as my parents but had their kids 20 years later. The girls are now 14 and 16 and are very dear to me. Their nonna, who lives across the street, became one of my closest friends, (she also has a particular story which I should save for another time, too). Plus I found and married Matteo Lolli and moved to his house at Lake Nemi which is a mystical/sacred place that I had been researching shortly before we meet! So now here I am, really trying to speak Italian though I have these fits of shyness. But I am just about at the photo studio so I plan to write you more on the train ride home. The topic about domesticity seems to come up in almost all my conversations lately. It’s complex of course and for me the way I feel about it changes all the time. But the first time I ironed the bedsheets…. (I never had a full size ironing board before; Matteo’s aunties got me one as a Christmas gift) I went into a trance! It was meditative, my mind was clear and tranquil. And it’s happened each time I’ve done it since and now I even look forward to it. I do feel the mid century overlap, too…. I want to reflect on that more. I read a Natalie Ginzburg book recently “family lexicon” I think about it a lot. I will keep my eye out for “happiness, as such” .. I like that as a title even more than “caro Michelle” ! and i haven’t seen any films by Agnes varda although I know who she is and can visualize her imagery. There are so many films I wish I had seen or that I have seen but completely forgot because I fell asleep or daydreamed instead. It’s a bad habit I have... I fall asleep even at the cinema. I don’t think I will compile a cookbook of my recipes. There is this stereotype here of “American/British/Aussie ‘expats’ who have Married an Italian guy and made a Cookbook” that I really am trying to avoid  but whenever I buy fish the lady there gives me the best most simple and unusual suggestions and vocal recipes.. and I have thought about asking her if she wants to collaborate on a cookbook (her recipes and my writing/translations) but I haven’t gotten up the courage to propose it. (I sent you a pic of her… Lina) I think i might like to archive the recipes of others who are masters of their trades more so than writing my own cookbook.. I do read food writing: Most of the substacks I follow are written by cooks. And a lot of the magazines and podcasts i ingest are discussing food topics. I’m really interested in the food system/sustainability movement/hospitality service evolution of course and try to stay updated as much as I can by keeping up with new ideas and researching about the way they did things in the past.. in the years B.P. As my friend calls it: “Before Plastic”..

[just-a-thought-or-two]

A thought or two on Super Bowls, long drives, and past friendships.

I went to my Aunt Michelle’s house for the Super Bowl. I don’t care about the Super Bowl, but I am a poor 20-something and there was going to be free food. Plus I love my aunt and her dogs.

Driving home was perfection. Every time I drive somewhere, the thought on repeat in my head is, “What if I just kept driving and driving until I couldn’t drive further?” But alas, I don’t have that kind of money. I envy those who do, but I can barely pay my rent and buy groceries while staying on health insurance.

After parking in my lot, I decided to stay in my car and finally make an Instagram post for the Noah Kahan concert I went to last week with my best friend, Ellen. The thing is that Instagram is a poison and I ended up on there longer than I had originally planned.

Eventually I found my way back to my childhood best friend’s page. And I made a decision I have been pondering for a while now. I decided to follow her again.

She was my best friend for probably 13 years. From the time I was 2 years old. When I was selectively mute and undiagnosed as autistic, she was one of the very few I could speak with. And oh, did I speak. I may not have spoken to many people but those I did speak to, I never stopped.

When I came out as queer, things didn’t go well between us. I don’t blame her now. I’m not even sure if I did then to be honest.

We both grew up in a very intensely conservative Christian church. The kind that borders on being a cult and cannot be a part of a denomination because they’re too extreme. For a very long time, we were the same. We believed the same things, loved the same things, and understood one another more than anyone else. But then I started going to public school. And she stayed home schooled. I was exposed to more of the world, was less sheltered, made friends who opened my eyes to what was right and wrong.

We did eventually leave the church as well. My mom could see that it was wrong after a while. But the damage was done.

She didn’t get that. She stayed there and is still there. I could never blame her for being what I would have been had I never gone to public school, for being what I would have been if my parents had never divorced. I still understand her, and I think that hurts the most. I understand her, but she cannot understand me. Not yet, maybe not ever. But I’ve been waiting for years, and I’ll continue to wait for if or when the day ever comes.

Because of how we were both raised, there are things that only the two of us could understand. We grew up side by side, best friends till the end. But then the end came sooner than we thought.

I’ve come to terms with who I am and how my childhood changed me, but she hasn’t. But I truly hope that she knows that if she ever does decide to explore those avenues, that pain, and become herself fully, I’ll be there to support and guide her.

To be honest, a part of me also hopes she is happy where she is. Maybe she is happier in that life than I ever could have been. Maybe that’s the life for her. Having her first kiss on her wedding day and popping out a kid a year later. I almost, almost, hope that this is the life she wants and is happy in. The road I took wasn’t an easy one. I undid a lifetime of beliefs and relationships. It was the hardest thing I ever did, and sometimes, selfishly, I wish I had stayed oblivious to what was going on around me. Life would have been easier. Become a pastors wife and pop out a few kids of my own. Run the church daycare. That would’ve been my life, and now, I can’t believe it. I could never imagine going back. But getting here was so difficult, I didn’t think I would make it at times.

And sometimes. Sometimes, I hope she’s happy where she is. Because that life is the easy road. That’s the gilded bridge, while my bridge is rusted and falling apart, perilous to get across. I just want her to do what is best for her.

Maybe I’m holding onto the past. I definitely am. But I think that’s okay. I followed her because it’s a step forward. I’m considering messaging her and telling her I’m ready to become friends again, with some firm boundaries in place. I’m going to think on it. That’s a lie, I’m quite likely to do it right after I finish this. But we’ll see.

I crossed the bridge into this world years ago, and I’ve been patiently waiting on the other side for her ever since. I’ve been waiting here, doing my own work on myself. And whenever she is ready to cross as well, I’ll still be here waiting.

I love and miss her. Even when it hurt, she never stopped being my best friend. I do believe wholeheartedly that we were platonic soulmates.

The last time I saw her was at my Nana’s funeral. It was a shock of cold water on me. I just wasn’t expecting her to be there. Hugging her was surreal. We didn’t talk a ton. I didn’t know what to say.

We haven’t really spoken in years. But she is still, and always will be, my best friend. My first best friend. The one who knows me in ways no one else ever will. My sister.

R. Rushing

February 12, 2023

[slightlysuspect]

Downsizing

The bounty hunter Dirk Correia begins to question if working with Ahsoka is in his crew's best interest.

Dirk Correia

"Hey uh, Ahsoka, listen I was thinking maybe it's time for us to go our separate ways." I say.

"Oh?" She asks. "But every jobs ended so successfully."

"Well yea, but...me and the guys been thinking about it, and we just really don't need another guy." I'm unsure how she'll respond to this. She's never been particularly angry towards me before.

She just scoffs. "Whatever. When you need me you'll know where to find me." She turns to exit my crew's hideout. "Or maybe I'll turn up if I get bored." And then she's gone. We've worked a few jobs with her, and things just have a tendency to get really messy. I can handle traumatized. Can't put a crew together without trauma, but she's an unstable wildcard that you really can't control. I don't mess with the safety of my crew, and she operates a little too recklessly, and it puts the rest of us at risk. I mean we made a killing the last couple weeks she was here, but it's not worth it. Finally I can pay off a couple of debts, not that I would.

"Finally she's gone." Diego says.

"Oh please." Fuentes retorts. "If you had laser vision you would've burned a hole through her blouse." Couldn't've said it better myself. Diego's 16 and had his eyes transfixed on the girl any time he saw her.

"Yea I'm surprised you're so happy to see her gone." I say.

"Well she was stirring things up with my woman." He says.

"You stirred things up with your woman when you were staring down Ahsoka while she was here!" Fuentes says. Fuentes is Diego's 22 year old sister. So really they're both Fuentes, but only Fuentes goes by Fuentes, if that makes any sense.

"I am only a man sister." Diego retaliates.

She rolls her eyes and says, "What an awful excuse." Then goes to her room.

"Well I thought she was aight." Dawson says. Dawson is the muscle. He's a beefy, high energy dude, who's somehow always having a good time. He's late 20's like me.

"Didn't she almost kill you when you asked her how she was gonna pay her bar tab?" I ask. Dawson works a bar called Knox that Ahsoka randomly washed out at.

"But bruh she made us so many credits." Dawson says. "And it ain't like she didn't pay her tab." I've never really thought of Dawson as a great judge of character.

"So just checking all the boxes in Dawson's book huh?" He just cracks a big smirk.

"Ay you joke, but imma be dustin' fools in my new speeder." Dawson says. "Speakin' of I got somewhere to be." And Dawson runs off presumably to go buy an overpriced speeder.

"I guess we'll just spend our money until we're broke again." I say.

Millie laughs and says, "Didn't you buy all of Rodger's stock the other day?"

"Yea but that was for the job. Explosives are a necessity." I say.

"Oh so we needed 15 rocket launchers." Diego says.

"Shut it Diego." I say.

"Just let Dawson enjoy his credits Dirk." Millie says. "Personally I got a real nice shiny new rifle comin' in." Millie is a sharpshooter, and a bit of a gun nut. She's already got at least 25 rifles, but as the owner of 15 rocket launchers, I guess I'm not in a place to judge.

"It's not like we'll never make money ever again." Diego says to me. "And you're not even setting an example of financial responsibility."

"Yea you got me." I say. "Well if we're just gonna be broke in a week, I guess I'd better get us another job lined up."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I'll get us a job later, for now a drink. I wonder if Dawson's working Knox tonight. As I enter, I see a familiar face I probably should've expected. Ahsoka is sitting at the bar, as she typically does, and I've typically been one to drink with her. Although maybe my liver isn't a fan of this particular activity. Nonetheless, It would be rude not to say hi. Just cause we're not working together anymore doesn't mean we can't be friends.

"Hey Ahsoka, can I buy you drink?" I ask her.

"Need me again already, Dirt?" She asks. I'm not sure if she knows my name or not.

"C'mon I don't want there to be any hard feelings. There's lots of guys to run with around here, I just don't think we're the crew for you."

She rolls her eyes and throws back her drink. "Whatever. You said you were gonna get me another one of these?"

"Babe you know your drinks are free here." Dawson says as he slides her another glass. I guess he is working tonight.

"And what about my drinks?" I ask him.

"That's why you got a tab." He says with a smile and a wink. He then turns all his attention to Ahsoka. "Listen Ahsoka I just got this new speeder, it's real fast. You tryna go for a ride?" Dawson has this intense eye contact that can prevent a woman from thinking rationally, but Ahsoka is completely immune to it.

"Why don't you go hit on some other hussy at the bar?" She retaliates.

Dawson just keeps grinning and says, "Ay don't act like I wasn't comin' for you first tho." Then proceeds to start chatting up a woman further along the bar. They say confidence is key I guess.

"So what're you gonna do now?" I ask Ahsoka.

"Oh probably just wait until someone comes along wanting something." She says.

"Well maybe you could pursue a personal interest. What do you want?" I ask. She's slow to answer. Just keeps staring transfixed at her robot arm that's severed at her right elbow.

"Justice."

Author's note

Our first look into the mind of an original character! This whole arc was a blast to create, and hopefully readers will enjoy the journey as we delve into the Star Wars universe from brand new perspectives.

[xobrattymoonxo]

Game Night 

Yan!Ushijima x Fem!Reader 

TW: NONCON, spanking, daddy kink, restraints, kidnaping, non consensual drugging, dacryphillia, fingering, Cumming inside, breeding kink,  mentions of pregnancy, ass play, possessive talk, yandere, fem reader

An: My first Dark fic! If you like it please reblog/ comment/ like or even leave an ask if you feel comfortable!

Word count: 2.4k

Second person Pov

“I am so excited to watch this game! Kageyama is so hot I can’t wait to see him in action.” Mai said as she held on your arm. 

“Mai please calm down!” You said with a laugh. 

“Have you gotten a chance to see who all plays on the team Yn?” 

“No, I’ve been so busy with school lately.” Mai made a pouty face at you as you heard people start screaming. 

“OH IT’S STARTING!” Mai screamed in my ear. 

I looked out on the court as the two teams came out to warm up before the game. 

“Ushijima?” I said just above a whisper. 

“Oooh I figured you would be a Ushijima fan Y/n. He seems like your type.” 

“I think I went to highschool with him, Mai.” 

“Wait you went to THE Shiratorizawa?!?! You knew Ushijima in person?!?! How come you never told me?” 

“It’s just a school and he is just a guy.” You said casually. Mai believed your lie. Ushijima wasn’t just a guy. He was the guy who asked you out, the guy you turned down, and the guy who made your highschool life terrible. It wasn’t his fault really, he had quite a few girls crushing on him. Your rejection to him just fed the fire for them to target you. 

Your thoughts were cut short when the whistle sounded for the game to start. 

The game was underway with the Schweiden Adlers in the lead. Your friend was still screaming super loud for Kageyama in your ear. He was too focused on the game to even look your way, but it did catch Ushijima’s attention. He looked up only to instantly lock eyes with you. He stared for a few seconds before he turned away and resumed the game. You could feel your heartbeat pick up. 

You tried to remain calm for the rest of the game. The Adlers won! 

“YAY KAGEYAMA I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!” Mai screamed. Finally Kageyama looked up to the stands with Ushijima beside him. Ushijima looked up as Kageyama just turned away. You could see Ushijima say something to Kageyama as he turned back to look at the two of you. Kageyama noticeably sighed as they walked over to the rest of their team. 

You grab your friend's arm seeing Ushijima look up once again to where you were standing. 

“Can we leave now? I am hungry.” You lied. 

“Okay, as long as I can pick where!” She said to you as you began to leave. 

“Are you taking me to the Adlers restaurant.” You asked. 

“They don’t have a restaurant unfortunately.” She said with a pout. 

The two got into her car as she drove down the road. 

“Okay this is it!” She said excitedly. You looked and noticed all the sports fans outside.

“Is this where the Adlers eat, Mai?” She laughed awkwardly as you already knew the answer. "I'm sorry I just wanted to see Kageyama again!" You sighed as you told her it was fine and headed inside. 

The two of you requested a seat at the car as she heard some girls begin to fangirl .

"Looks like we found them after all." You said to her as she watched over by the door. You paid no mind to what was happening behind you but Ushijima laid eyes on you as soon as you were in his line of sight. 

You didn't notice him getting closer till the stool beside you was pulled out. 

"Hello Y/n. It's been a while, hasn't it?" Ushijima spoke. You turned to face him.

"Hello Ushijima. It has been, yes. About a year or two." You said casually. 

"Let me buy you a drink as we catch up." He said. 

"Sorry I am here with my friend." 

"She seems busy." He replied nodding beside you. You glanced back and noticed Kageyama now beside her talking with her. You turned back to Ushijima. "So will you let me buy you a drink?" 

You agreed as he began to ask you questions about your current life. After a short while you tapped your friend's arm and headed to the bathroom. 

"Mai we have to go. He's driving me crazy." You said. "He keeps asking me all these personal questions and stuff and I think he's onto my lies!" 

"Y/n you're just being dramatic! He's just getting to know an old peer. He must be Kageyama's Wing man! Let me have this please?” She begs. 

“Okay fine. We should head back out.” 

What the two didn’t know was Ushijima and Kageyema had slipped something extra in both of your drinks. 

“The plan is just to take her home and then leave right?” Kageyama asked as he swirled your friend's drink. “How are you getting Y/n out of here though?” 

“Yes and I paid the bartender a couple hundreds to slip her out the back for me.” 

“Smart, no press involvement that way.” Kageyama said. 

The two then noticed you and Mai entering back into the main area. You sat back down in your seats as you both quickly downed your drinks as something you agreed upon in the bathroom. 

Sometime passed as you began to feel sick. Barely able to keep yourself up, Ushijima offered to call you a cab after asking your address. Mai was the same way but Kageyama insisted on driving her home instead. 

Your mind started to go hazy, darkness almost consuming your vision as you laid down in the back of a car…

You awoke sometime later with a pain in your head. Eyes still blurry you went to move your arms to rub your eyes. Panic set in as you noticed your arms were raised above your head. You began to pull them harder not being able to see what had your arms restraint. 

“You won’t be able to get those handcuffs undone. You need a key for that.” You whipped your head where the voice came from. 

“Ushijima!” You yelled out. “What’s going on? Why am I here?” You began to panic. He walked over to you now bending down to move some hair from your face. 

“I waited so long to see you again Y/n. I’ve been looking for you since highschool. I love you and you ran from me.” 

“Ushijima please just let me go! I won’t tell anyone!” You cried out. 

“I have waited a long time for this.” He smiled down at you as tears began to form in your eyes. “If I undo these, will you be good?” He asked as he pulled on your cuffs. You nodded your head at him as he pulled out the key to unlock them. You instantly pulled your wrists down only to notice you were not wearing anything but your underpants. 

“Where are my clothes?” Ushijima climbed on top of you now as he leaned down and kissed your neck. 

“You don’t need them anymore.” He whispered before he started sucking on your neck. 

“Ushijima please stop.” You were now crying but he continued anyways. He lifted your shoulders up as he reached behind to undo your bra. He pulled it off the front slowly as he sat up. Admiring your breasts as they were now on display for him. He moved both hands on your breasts as he began to massage them. 

“They feel so amazing under my hands. You were made for me Y/n.” 

“Please.” You whispered. 

“Begging for me already?” He said as he moved off the top of you. He now pulled down your underpants as you moved your hands to cover your pussy. 

“Don’t.” He growled as he pulled your arms out of the way. 

“Ushijima.” He shushed you as he looked down at you with lustful eyes. 

“That’s Daddy to you Y/n.” he said in his low growl again. He moved his one hand to your pussy as he began to rub your clit. The other hand went back up to your breast. Not being able to hold in your moans anymore, you began to cry out. “You like that huh? I have dreamed of this moment for a long time Y/n.” He moved off the bed and picked you up. He laid himself down still holding onto you as he led you to come sit on his face. 

You tried to pull back as he gripped your hips roughly pulling you down to meet his face. He began to slowly lick up your pussy. 

“USHIJIMA!” You screamed. He slapped your clit as he growled. 

“What’s my name?” 

“Daddy.” You moaned out. He smirked into your pussy and he slipped a digit inside you. He started to curl it slowly inside. You whipped your head back as you tried to push away from him. He took your resistance as pleasure and slipped another finger inside. He started to move them quickly as he still sucked on your clit. You felt yourself start to shake as your orgasm grew closer. You grabbed on the headboard and tried to lift yourself from him. He slammed a third finger in as you shouted out. You came all over his chin. 

“Fuck baby, that was so hot.” He licked his lips savoring every last bit of your juices he could.

When he pulled his digits out you managed to wiggle away from his grip enough to be able to get up. You fell to the floor, quickly getting up you headed straight for the door in the room. You pulled on the handle only to notice it was locked. You began to pound your fists on the door as you screamed out for help. 

“We are in the basement of my house. No one will hear you down here.” He said as he now stood behind you. You turned and took a swing at him only for your wrist to be caught midair. "You should have just said you wanted it rough Y/n." He said with a sly smirk looking down at you. 

Before you knew it you were tossed onto the bed on your stomach and a pair of handcuffs were cuffing your hands behind your back. He sat down on the bed pulling you onto his lap. 

"After every hit count and say thank you." Without any warning he slammed his hand down at full power onto your ass cheek. You screamed out in pain as you began to wiggle on his lap. “I said count. You just got 10 more added. You better be ready to count to 20.” Before you could respond his hand came down to the opposite cheek. 

“ONE THa-thank you.” You were crying harder than before. Ushijima slammed his hand down again on the other cheek again. 

“Tw-two,” You hiccuped. “Thank yo-you.” 

He continued to use his full spike strength on your ass cheeks as you finally made it to twenty. 

“You did so well. Now why don’t we get you a reward?” He asked rhetorically of course. He picked you up and tossed you once again on the bed rolling you over so you were looking at him. “Look how pretty you are when you cry baby.” He said as he licked your salty tears streams off your face.

He lined his tip up with your entrance as he kissed you with all his power. He pulled away from the kiss as soon as he pushed fully inside you. He kissed down your jaw to your neck as he stayed still and bit down hard on your neck. He caused a small amount of blood to come out from the fresh bite. You were exhausted from the previous events so you no longer had energy to fight him back with anything but moans.

“I knew you would enjoy this Y/n.” He said licking up the small amount of blood that was on your neck. He began to pound in you at a feral pace no longer waiting for you to adjust to his size. 

“Fuck you are so tight. Just like I always imagined.” He said into your neck. He moved down slightly to your breasts as he bit down again. “You look so hot covered in my bite marks Y/n. I wish we could stay like this forever.” You could feel him bruising your cervix as you cried out from all his harsh thrusts. With every thrust you felt yourself being stretched more and more. He took his one hand and pressed it roughly on your stomach looking at the bulge he was creating inside your stomach. 

“Fuck baby, I’m so big I could rip you in half.” 

“Daddy! I’m close! Please!” You said between moans. 

“Beg or I won’t let you cum.” 

“Please daddy! I’m sorry I was a brat. Let me cum please please! I need it! I need you! Please!” You whined out.

“Fuck baby cum on my cock.” He demanded. You came undone all over his cock but as soon as he felt your pussy grip on him tighter he moaned out, “Fuck I am going to cum inside you Y/n. I will keep doing it over and over again till you get pregnant with my child. Then you won’t be able to leave me ever.”

“Please not inside! Anywhere but inside! I don’t want a baby! I don’t want your baby please! Not inside!” You cried as he grabbed your hips tightly. You felt his hot cum squirt up inside as he collapsed on top of you. 

“Fuck you’re so perfect. Our kids will be just as perfect as you I bet.” He said before he flipped you over. He shoved your face into the mattress as he raised your ass up getting on his knees. 

“What are you doing?” You cried out trying to pull away from his rough hands on your hips.

“I didn’t say we were done, did I? I have to make up for lost time, besides, you have a perfectly good unused hole right here I need to try out too.” You felt him lick your asshole as you begged him not too. “You’re my property Y/n. I will do whatever I want with you cause I own you and I will never let you go.” He said as he shoved his thumb into your puckered hole as his cock lined up with your entrance again. 

“I will pound into you from both ends until the only thing you know how to say is my name, baby.” 

Masterlist 

[90spumkin]

Masterpiece

Summary: Who knew art could lead to an awkward meeting that would later lead to beautiful relationship.

A/N: I know I said I would post this Friday, but oh well here we are. All inserted pictures are from Pinterest. I absolutely loved writing this so please send me your feedback.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Artist! Reader

Warnings: swearing, implied/slightly descriptive smut, mention of alcohol and addiction 

Word Count: 2.8K

Spencer doesn’t know how long he had been zoned out not listening to a word Emily said to him. They were standing in an obnoxiously long line at their favorite coffee shop. Spencer was admiring the art in front of him, the way the yellows and oranges flowed together was mesmerizing. They were so mesmerizing that Spencer didn’t realize the art was on the back pocket of the stranger’s shorts standing in line in front of them.

It wasn’t until Emily nudge Spencer’s shoulder, “Quit looking at that girl’s ass!” Spencer saw where Emily was pointing as she spoke. As he went to say, “I was not checking out her ass.”, the stranger with the mesmerizing art on her ass turned around to see the raven haired woman pointing down at the lower part of her body and the tall curly haired man blushing as he was caught in the act.

The woman smirked at them both and said, “Well my shorts do say ‘this butt is art’ so I guess technically you were just taking in all its beauty.” This made Emily snort and Spencer stutter. He tried to stutter out an apology, but by the time his brain allowed him to access words again Emily’s phone rang loudly.

She answered quickly and hung up just as fast, “I have to go to a meeting apparently. Sometimes I hate being the boss. I’ll catch up with you later, Spencer.” And with that she was gone, leaving Spencer there with the still smirking woman.

“You know the least you could do is buy my coffee to make up for this adorable fiasco.” She said causing Spencer to blush. He nodded his head and said, “Yes of course. I’m really sorry about all that. I’m Dr. Spencer Reid by the way.”

She smiled at him as he went to stand beside her in line, “Oh doctor, fascinating. I’m y/n.”

Once they had finally gotten their coffee and found a small table, conversation between the two flowed so effortlessly. “So, doctor, huh? Care to share with the class what kind?” Y/n asked as she took a sip of her dark beverage.

Spencer chuckled, “I have PhD’s in mathematics, chemistry, and engineering along with BA’s in psychology, sociology, and philosophy. I’m not a doctor who works in a hospital, but one who works in the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit.” Y/n smiled at him over her cup, “That kind of makes sense you look like a very intelligent man. Plus, you look way better in a cardigan than you probably would in scrubs.”

Their conversation went on without a hitch, no moments of awkward silence. They talked about their careers, y/n explained how she was an artist and Spencer adored the way she lit up as she talked. They constantly were bouncing ideas and questions off one another. The conversations stretched over many different topics, each just as interesting as the last. Y/n even listened and question Spencer on several of his fact dumps.

They both seemed to have forgotten the outside world existed until Spencer happened to notice the sun setting through the coffee shop windows. As he admired the colors in the sky he said, “The sky is always so lovely at sunset, but I hate that it could mean the end of this.”

He looked back at y/n who was smiling at him. “Okay I don’t usually invite strange men to my home, but would you like to come see some of my art that I’ve been working on?” Spencer smirked and narrowed his eyes, “You think I’m strange?” Y/n laughed, “Only in the best way.”

The first thing Spencer did when he entered y/n incredibly spacious apartment was admire all the art lining the walls. He had thought the art displayed on her jean shorts was mesmerizing, but the art that was in front of him now was simply breathtaking.

Spencer walked the walls, admiring and analyzing each piece. Y/n stood beside him as he smiled at the painting of a cow. She laughed softly as she spoke, “There is always a story behind each of my paintings. Some are silly, some are painful. However, this one happens to be my favorite. I grew up on a farm and I had a cow named Milky” She looked at Spencer who was trying to hide a laugh, “Hey I was 8! Anyways she was my best friend. It was funny when I first started to draw and paint, I would always use her as a model. Sometimes it seemed as if she was posing for me.”

Spencer didn’t take his eyes off y/n the whole time she was talking. Once y/n finished her story she looked at Spencer. Both of their smiles growing bigger. He looked back at the painting and said, “You know in another life I would love to be a cowboy with cows and other animals on a small ranch somewhere.”

Y/n giggled, “Would you name one of your cows Milky?” Spencer looked at her fondly and said, “For you, I would.”

Spencer turned his head to the right and noticed a canvas with several different shades of red bleeding into one another, there was broken glass scattered across it. He made his way closer, he turned towards y/n and asked, “What’s the story behind this one?”

Y/n’s eyes held a hint of sadness as she drew in a deep breath. She was hesitant at first but finally explained, “The glass is broken beer bottles, I was- am an alcoholic. I am currently 5 years sober, almost 6 now. I made this to remind myself of all the hate and pain drinking brought to my life” Y/n turned towards Spencer expecting him not to understand, but instead he reached into his pocket and pulled out a sobriety chip.

Y/n’s eyes started to tear up at the fact that someone finally wasn’t judging her but understanding her. She too pulled out a chip and both y/n and Spencer let out laughs full of pain but also full happiness. Spencer reached out a hand and placed it on y/n’s cheek. His thumb ran smoothly across her face to wipe a tear that had escaped.

When Spencer spoke again his words were soft, “Out of all this art, I think you are the one true masterpiece.”

One minute they were staring into one another’s eyes, and the next they were getting lost in the feel of the other’s lips neither one really sure when they had made it to y/n’s bedroom. Spencer held y/n against him firmly, but it felt delicate all at once. His fingers traced over every edge and curve of her body bringing sounds of pleasure from her beautiful lips.

Spencer planted soft kisses across y/n’s body as if he were painting and her body was his canvas. With every roll of Spencer’s hips, flashes of color seemed to blind him. When y/n arched her back, Spencer let her know she was more beautiful than any art piece.

The next morning, Spencer woke up to the sun shining through the windows. He felt y/n stir next to him, he couldn’t help but take in how lovely she looked. The sun seemed to only amplify her beauty.

Y/n opened her eyes to find Spencer staring at her. She smirked and closed her eyes again, curling up closer to him, “You’re staring.” Spencer chuckled causing vibrations to run through his chest making y/n giggle. “I’m admiring.” Spencer told her.

Y/n sat up to stretch, the sheets falling around her making her look like a sculpture of a goddess. She smiled down at him and scrunched up her nose “Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever you say.”

While they started to dress, well y/n was getting dressed Spencer was still looking for his shirt, he noticed the shorts y/n was putting on had art on them just like the ones before. However, these were not shades of yellow and orange. These shorts had little planets painted on them.

Y/n turned around to see Spencer’s eyes once again focused on her ass, “Why are you smiling like that?” At her question Spencer let out the laugh he was holding in as he said, “Ummm- well- it’s just that- your ass is out of this world.”

Y/n snorted and threw a pillow towards Spencer who actually caught it, “Oh the doctors got jokes this morning.”

Spencer spotted his shirt in the floor and as he bent over to get it, he said, “Not jokes, facts.” This only made y/n smile more.

Y/n watched the muscles in Spencer’s back flex as he fixed his shirt to put it on. Right before he put it over his head she asked, “Can I- can I paint something on your back?”

Spencer stopped all movements to look at y/n, he noticed the blush tinting her cheeks. His heart seemed to scream with emotions. Spencer through his shirt back on the ground and asked, “Where do you want me?” Y/n giggled and pointed to the bed.

Y/n had been straddling Spencer’s back for about 15-to-20-minute minutes when he no longer felt the softness of the paintbrush against his skin. Y/n had been humming while she worked and with the gentleness of each stroke of the brush, Spencer kept dozing off.

Y/n removed herself from Spencer causing him to turn his head to look up at her, she was smiling so brightly Spencer never wanted to look away. Y/n was staring down at the work on Spencer’s back and jumped slightly when he asked, “Can I see it?”

“Oh yes! Of course!”, she rushed to put down her paints and brushes. Y/n grabbed Spencer’s hand and pulled him towards the full-length mirror hanging on the back of her bedroom door. Before handing him the handheld mirror she said, “Close your eyes. I’m going to count to 3.” Spencer just chuckled and nodded.

“1…”

“…2…”

“…3”

Spencer opened his eyes and let out a gasp. The art that now covered his back was simple but so pretty. There were no defined lines, the colors overlapped in some places which just made it all the more beautiful. He looked from the mirror to y/n to see her hands clasped together and held against her mouth. She moved her hands slightly to ask, “So, what do you think?” Spencer looked back at the mirror and said, “I never want to take it off.”

After the time Spencer spent with y/n he was scared he would never see or talk to her again. Right after she revealed the painting she had done on his back, Emily called him with a new case. He ran out of there so fast he didn’t have time to remove the paint or give y/n his number. The plane ride was slightly uncomfortable with his clothes sticking to the paint.

However, it turned out the universe was on his side. They were leaving one case going straight to another, so Spencer’s spirits were kind of in shambles and his mind was consumed with thoughts of y/n. His sadness was starting to take over his mood when his rarely used cell phoned chimed, signaling that he just received a text.

Hi, doc. It’s your favorite artist. I hope it isn’t weird I’m texting you. I got a call from someone named Penelope. She said Emily thought you would like to hear from me.

Spencer looked over towards Emily who was smirking as she read over the case file, she knew who was texting him. Spencer just shook his head as he typed out his response, smiling the whole time.

Hello, y/n. That would be my best friends medaling in my life. Luckily, this time they were right.

Y/n response came back fast, and Spencer chuckled softly imagining the teasing look she was probably making as she asked-

This time?

That is a story for another time.

Over the course of the several weeks Spencer was gone, Y/n and Spencer texted every chance they got. A lot of the times Spencer would be too busy and would see messages from y/n he had gotten through the day.

--

I was running late this morning due to me having terrible time management skills and well- I went to brunch with paint completely covering my clothes.

--

Ha look what I did. I’m starting to think I’m the real genius here. click here for image

--

SPENCER REID. DID YOU REALLY HAVE PENELOPE GO BUY ME THIS AND BRING IT TO ME?!?! I love it! Thank you! click here for image

--

Spencer would always laugh and respond every time he got the chance. One night he was actually able to call her.

“Hello?”

“Are not sure how to answer a phone or are you questioning if I’m really calling you?” Spencer teased.

“Well, isn’t someone feeling sassy today.” Y/n laughed; she was overwhelmingly happy to hear his voice.

They spent most of the night just catching up. Y/n never once asked about the case and for that Spencer was thankful. Spencer saw the sun start to rise and realized what time it was.

“I should probably try and get at least a few hours of sleep.” Spencer said into the phone. He heard her gasp and then frantically started apologizing, “Oh my goodness! I am so sorry! I was just so happy to talk to you I didn’t realize. I-“

Spencer cut her off with a “Hey. It perfectly okay. I love talking to you. If it were possible, I would never sleep if it meant I could talk to you forever.”

Y/n couldn’t stop smiling, “Well guess what doc. You’re kind of stuck with me get ready for me to never stop talking.” Spencer laughed softly, “I am definitely okay with that.”

As soon as the jet landed, Spencer texted y/n to let her know they were back. What he didn’t expect was for her to be standing in the bullpen with Penelope. Spencer couldn’t help but practically sprint to her, ignoring the knowing looks from his teammates.

When reached her, he wrapped her in a hug. Y/n giggled as she hugged him back. When they pulled apart Spencer asked, “What are you doing here?” Y/n shrugged and looked towards Penelope who had left her side to join the others and said, “Reasons.” She looked back at Spencer and winked. Spencer laughed and shook his head as he wrapped her in another hug.

Spencer and y/n left with Spencer promising to finish the paperwork first thing the following week. Once they were outside y/n turned to Spencer and said, “Okay so the main reason I couldn’t wait any longer to see you is I want to ask you something?”

Spencer turned his head and squinted his eyes, “Should I be scared?” Y/n barked out a laugh and grabbed Spencer’s hand. He stared where their hands were joined. Y/n must have thought he didn’t want to hold her hand because she noticed him staring and let go.

Y/n became a little nervous as she asked, “I- I wanted to ask you to be my plus one at an art show tomorrow. This will be the second art show my work has been in and I’m extremely nervous and would love for you to be there.”

Spencer smiled, feeling beyond flattered that she would want him there. He grabbed her hand the same way she had before and said, “I would love nothing more.”

That following night at the art show Spencer knew for certain he was completely consumed with feelings for y/n. He couldn’t help but to admire how her face lit up every time she talked about her work with other guests. It fills him with pride every time she would turn away the champagne that is offered. What really sets his heart ablaze is how y/n would reach for his hand every time she moved on to another art piece or to speak to someone else. It was as if y/n wanted, needed him. Whether it was for comfort or confidence Spencer was happy to be either of those things for her.

Towards the end of the night Spencer and y/n had finally found a moment to be alone. They stood in front of a painting that kind of reminded Spencer of the mermaid from that one Disney movie Penelope made him watch.

Y/n must have thought so also because as she looked at the painting she said, “You know I am really glad you have become a part of my world.” Y/n turned her head to look at Spencer there was a gleam in her eye. Spencer responded by saying, “Is there any way I can always be a part of your world?”

Y/n responded by kissing Spencer, putting ever amount of emotion she felt into it. The kiss was more vibrant and meaningful than any art she could ever dream of creating.

*

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*

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[ilove-cedricdiggory]

Moony

Remus x Reader

Part 2

Summary - After you left Remus after telling him about your pregnancy, you're now trying to juggle being pregnant by yourself in a foreign country, along with your three best friends searching for you.

Trigger Warning - Cursing, mentions of abortion, angst, it's longish? I think that's all. Let me know if there's more though.

Italics are letters, Bold is unknown to the readers.

America.

That's the only way you can really describe it. It is, well, America. Some places are incredibly beautiful, some terribly ugly. Some incredibly cold, some unbearably hot. Some busier than Diagon Alley on the day all the kids come to buy their things, some slower than a virgin's bedroom.

You hadn't seen much, especially seeing as how you had only been there for a week, but it was already more than you expected. You expected a stern talking to, you expected a bed rest, you expected a midwife in every thirty minutes, and you definitely expected to have someone at your side every second of the day. But, that wasn't what you got.

Especially seeing as how, your Great Grandpa kicked the rest of your family out of the house before you arrived, not wanting his favorite grandkid to be in an uncomfortable home, especially while she was growing his two great, great grandkids.

He was incredibly wealthy, a pure blood from England gone American. You had been the only one that actively spoke to him and visited him as often as you could while he lived in England. Now, your family was watching the sand fall in his hourglass to see who got the most money from his will. Honestly, though, you could see the man living another 200 years - just to spite them all.

He had taken you out, shown you incredible things, although you were stuck in a stupid state of unbearable heat - Texas. Although, the heat had taken you out of the sweaters that had you crying every time you got a whiff of his scent, and into some beautiful maternity sun dresses. You had already sent 20 pictures to Molly.

You had yet to write to Lily though, but her owls came twice a day, at least. You were starting to worry that she would get on James' broom and follow the owl herself to find you. Her letters really all stayed the same.

Y/n, just tell me where you are. I won't tell Remus, or Sirius. Heck, I won't even tell James. Harry and I will come visit and I'll tell you all about how I beat Remus' arse. Or how James did....Or how Sirius did. But, please, just write me back. I love you. I miss you incredibly.

Then you had

Y/n, come on, you really have me worried. The entire order has heard about what happened and I think they're all freaking out each second like we are. We miss you. You're the ray of Hufflepuff joy we all need, the always Ravenclaw intelligence the boys really need, the absolute Gryffindor bravery in the craziest of situations that the order needs, and the Slytherin strength I need. Please, just write back.

Then, she got help from the boys - or, the ones you would be open to hear from.

Y/n, while I have to be honest, Lily is standing over my shoulder watching me write this, I was going to do it either way. Remus was an absolute arse, I understand that, but we miss you. Lily, Harry and I want nothing more than for you to be home, with us even. You don't have to see him, you really don't. We just want to be here for you through this time, the good and the bad. Please write back.

When that didn't work, you had a howler from Sirius.

Y/n Y/l/n, I swear, if you don't write me back, I'm gonna jump into the paper and send myself! I'm going absolutely crazy watching Lily freak out every day! You're the only one that can calm her, not even James is doing it! You're taking away my precious James time! I fucking miss you - okay? Moony is an absolute dick. He deserved you walking out on him, he really did, but please don't walk out on all of us too. Y/n, we miss you, we really do. Moony isn't even here anymore, he left after we all went to Molly's - Sirius, don't tell her that! - Shit, fuck, how do I scratch that? Uhhh, I didn't say that. Erase! Erase! Lily, how do I erase on a howler? Fuck. Whatever. I'm sure it erased. But, come home. I'll make James make you that surprisingly good chicken he makes and I'm sure Lily would love to give you some old baby momma clothes or whatever the fuck they're called. I just - we just - no, I miss you, okay? Come home.

Your heart broke, not just because Remus was missing, but because your friends were hurt.

You sat down at the table in your guest house, sighing softly. A quill and some parchment sat before you, your hand shaking as you dipped it into the ink.

Lily, James, and Sirius.

While I know I could write a letter to each of you separately, I'm almost positive you're all together, or you're gonna call each other as soon as you get my letter.

I'm okay, I think. Not as okay as I wish I was, I cry a lot. While I wish I could blame it on the hormones, I know it's not. Everything reminds me of him, even here. No, I'm not in England, I'm in the states. I'm staying with some family and I think it's doing me well. At least, I've started to own my pregnancy.

After what Remus said to me, my body broke. I just about hated the fact that I was pregnant. Not my kids, just that I was pregnant. But, with each day, I realize that this pregnancy is the thing I needed most. While I wish I didn't have to say this - it showed me the man Remus is. Does that mean I cry any less? Of course not - you guys know me.

But, I really don't think I can come home, at least not yet. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm to do. I love Remus with every fiber of my being, but how do you love a man that told you to get rid of your own children, the minute he gets home from a mission he could have died from? How do you let him hold you as he feels the two children you both created grow in your belly knowing he hates them?

I'm going to come home eventually, of course I am. And I already promised Molly I'll be back for a visit soon, and you guys are more than welcome to come visit once I teach my family how to properly floo in America - did you know they don't do that here? It's super weird. But, I love you three incredibly. I'm so sorry this has happened. Be safe.

Your heart broke as you debated on writing more, about what your heart was still set on. Remus. Where was he? Where did he go? Had they heard from him? Was he looking for you? But you couldn't bring yourself to ask them.

The owl was sent with their letter, leaving you in the silence once more.

How could you feel so absolutely alone when you had people wanting nothing more than to be with you? Is it what you thought you deserved? They were his friends before they were yours. You felt horrible that they were taking your side. You felt your heart ripping slowly with each beat it made in it's spot in your being. It was like one half of your heart was tied to Remus' and with each beat away from him, it tore you apart - slowly, filling you with excruciating pain.

Five minutes after the letter was sent, you were standing, trying to find a way to busy your mind.

Ten minutes after the letter was sent, you were crouching in the corner, the weight of your predicament pressing down on you so hard, it's like it formed hands and was set on pushing you six feet under without any hole dug for your body.

Twenty minutes after the letter was sent, your body was shaking with it's sobs once more, the loss of not only your spouse, but also the friends you loved almost as much as him.

An hour later, you had fallen asleep on the floor, your mind groggy and your heart tearing with each beat, your conscious hoping to pull you away from the pain your felt in the body that was supposed to be yours - but belonged to the man who seemed to not want you anymore.

It was dark, so incredibly dark. The only thing that was seen was the moon, halfway full in it's wake. The only thing heard was the pads of feet stomping on the ground as they ran. Ran where? Ran why? You could feel the pain in your chest, but it was like it wasn't your own. As you came to a stop, you looked at a building that seemed a familiar kind of unfamiliar - although that didn't really make much sense to you.

Before you realized it, you were slumped over the toilet, letting out the contents of your stomach. One of your hands pulled your hair to one side of your shoulder, keeping it there. But all you could think was how badly you wish it was Remus holding your hair, rubbing your back as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

But all that mattered today was to get through it, like any other day.

One day following the motions.

Two days following the motions.

Three, four, five days.

Until your hands were pulled from your face, the skin around your fingers almost chewed to nothing, the warm face of Lily standing before you.

"If I see you bite your fingers one more time, I'm going to hex them to taste like Harry's dirty diapers." She spoke, pulling you up from your spot on the couch.

"Lily - I." You stopped, looking around her to see James, Sirius, and Harry. "How?" You asked, looking back into the eyes of your best friend.

"Your great grandpa is super cool. I think he was getting tired of all the letters we were sending him too and gave us the floo network here to knock you out of whatever it is you're in." Sirius spoke, Harry on his shoulders, pulling at his hair.

"You guys-" You were cut off with Lily pulling you into her hold, her larger belly pressed against yours as you both attempted to properly hug one another.

"I have missed you, so much" Her voice was soft, uncommon for Lily. Her hands held you tightly, almost like she was holding onto you to make sure you didn't disappear once more.

"Come on Lils, other people missed her too." Sirius spoke to cause her to pull away and glare at the man. "If you weren't holding onto my kid, I'd have hexed you so hard for that." She said, moving to grab Harry from his shoulders as James wrapped you up in a hug himself.

"If we hadn't seen you for another day, I think Lily was going to fly off on my broom." He said, causing you to laugh at your own prediction.

You finally got to Sirius, his arms holding you tighter than the two. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, his hold growing tighter. "What are you sorry for, Siri?" You asked him, pulling away to look into his face.

"What he said, what he did. That's not what you deserved." He mumbled, pushing your hair back a bit. "I swear, I about pounded his face in at Molly's. I think Arthur had to separate me magically." He trailed off, looking at the floor.

His words brought tears to your eyes once more, your heart feeling empty, yet full. "That's not your fault, Sirius. We all knew he didn't want kids, but we weren't careful. I don't know why his reaction surprised me." You were honest with them, having thought this entire thing was truly your fault.

The three of them surrounded you, their eyes narrow with intent. "Y/n, the last thing this is, is your fault. You're his fiancée, not a random person. Either way, those are his kids. He shouldn't have treated you like he did." James spoke with meaning, wanting you to understand each word he spoke.

Somehow, the four of you relaxed enough to find yourself growing to bed. You showed Sirius his room, a place where James and Lily can lay Harry, and then their own room, before finding your way to your own.

You laid in bed, wide awake. You knew what tonight was, the night before the full moon, and knew that Remus was probably out wherever he was, already in pain. Every turn was different, it truly was, but each night before the full moon, his body ached, his bones almost softened, knowing they would be breaking and turning in 24 hours, and his head psyched him out, especially when you weren't there. This was now the third full moon your financé was to handle without you.

You refused to cry, knowing Lily always had a third sense to that stuff, and willed yourself to sleep. But, you laid there.

And laid there.

And laid there some more, until you couldn't handle the quiet, and found yourself moving out of the room and towards Sirius'.

You had slept with Sirius before, each time when Remus was gone and your heart could hardly handle it. Now, the three hearts inside of you couldn't stand the guilt of not being with him.

The door didn't creak when you opened it, none of the floor boards made a sound, but that somehow made it worse. Your feet carried you to the dark haired man, seeing his sleeping frame move, sensing another person there.

His eyes jerked open, coming to look at you as he smiled sadly. "How did I know you'd come in here. Just can't resist the charm, can you?" His voice was deeper, rougher from sleep. It calmed you, but never like Remus' did. You waddled closer to the man, his arms opening for you as you crawled into him.

You both laid in silence, but awake now, as you took in the moment.

"I miss him, Siri. I know I shouldn't, I know I should hate him, but my entire being misses him." Your voice was softer than his was, much softer, but it wasn't because you were afraid of him, but because you were afraid of your own truth.

"I know you do. I know he misses you too. You guys are kinda like Lily and James, meant to be. He's just, an absolute git for this." His fingers worked in your hair, rubbing your scalp and causing your eyes to close in comfort.

"I thought we were meant to be too. But, he doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't want us." At that, Sirius rested a hand at your bump, this being the first touch they really had beside your own. "He does, he's just stupid and scared. Either way, you have us. Aunt Lily, Uncle James, and, the absolute best uncle in the world, Uncle Siri. We've got you." His sensere words lulled you to sleep, a sleep where you felt safe and happy falling into.

You were running again, but it didn't feel like you were in danger. It felt like you were running to run, really. Which, was something you did not do. You weren't in the woods, but you didn't know where you were. All you did know is that you were still scared. Absolutely, bone crushingly scared.

With each step you took, the fear grew. How could you possibly be this scared? You were looking for something, but you didn't know what. You were shaking, but from both the cold and the fear. You were shaking. Shaking. Shaking

Shaking. "Y/n, wake up!" Sirius was looking down at you, his eyes full of excitement. "Your great grandpa is showing us the American version of Diagon Alley today!" You smiled up at him, nodding.

"Okay, okay, let me get changed."

The four of you had left your Grandpa once he settled himself down to play some wizards chess, waving you off.

"You know where the house is when you're done, I've got a title to keep."

You wandered through stores, showing them the few things you had learned so far about the wizarding world here. The four of you had just walked into their version of Flourish and Blotts when you were stopped by an older couple. "Oh, you both look absolutely wonderful! I remember when I was that pregnant. How far are you both?" she was smiling at you and Lily, growing closer to you.

"I'm due in about a week and a half. We already have one, Harry, who's staying with her family." She had pointed to you, smiling at the older woman. "Oh, I'd expect you to be due any day now. Seconds always come early and you look family dropped. What about you dear?" She had looked to you, glancing at your own belly.

"Oh, I'm only a few months along. Twins." You laughed, your hand resting protectively on your belly. "Awe, that's lovely. You both look radiant. Two amazing father's, I hope?" She now looked at James and Sirius, smiling at them. "Oh, no, I'm not the father. Our best mate is." Sirius spoke, gesturing to you. "Well, I dunno, is he?" He asked, looking at the three of you. "It's complicated." Lily said, smiling.

The older woman nodded, smiling. "I completely understand. I wish you both the best of luck." She bid you all adu, leaving with her husband.

"I can't tell if that was awkward or sweet." James laughed, leading you all to the door to leave.

You all laughed as you walked through the Wizarding space until you and Lily began complaining about the swollen ankles and bloated stomach enough to convince James and Sirius to guide you both home.

As the day turned into night, you now showing your friends the muggle artifacts your grandpa has collected from his move to the states. That was, until Lily groaned in pain.

"Fuck, she was right." The young woman grumbled, clenching her bump. "What do you mean?" James asked, his hand on her back softly. "He's coming early, James. I'm in labor, fuck." She groaned again, tilting her head back at the pain she was feeling for the second time in her life.

"Shit, Sirius, go find some towels. I'll go tell grandpa to write the healer for labor." You spoke, pointing Sirius in the direction of the towels before moving to Lily. "It'll be okay, okay? Everything will be fine." She nodded, gripping your hand tightly as she looked in your eyes. She smiled before groaning once more, a contraction hitting her. "Okay, okay, healer. You guys lay her down." Sirius returned with multiple towels, James and him laying a few out before helping Lily lay down on them.

You turned to waddle out of your home, attempting to get to your grandpa's house as quickly as possible.

Three steps towards his house, you heard a twig snap.

Five steps towards his house, you heard a thud.

Nine steps towards his house, a figure stopped before you, it's frame furry and bent, a growl releasing from his lips.

A werewolf.

How the fuck is a werewolf standing in front of you, in the middle of fucking Texas, in a populated muggle area?

You took a few steps backwards, until it clicked.

The only Werewolf that would spend his full moon looking for you was the same werewolf that has plagued your mind for the past month.

Moony.

~

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[17wishbones]

Whew! It is now time to post the sequel for this little short series I made. Again, it’ll be no more than 7 chapters with the parts split if it’s a continuation. I’m super ecstatic to post this. I’ve been thinking, editing, and brainstorming ideas for this so I hope it reads well for you all. So please, come and enjoy KIMETSU DAIGAKU: SUNFLOWER’S BLESSING. The name may change in the future. Other than that, enjoy chapter 1! :> SN: All are welcome to read, but this is a POC reader insert, FYI. That is all! SN2: I studied Japanese for a time and studied abroad but that was years ago so excuse me if some of the written dialogue is rough. Wanted to show (reader) learning the language even if it’s real easy, conversational sentences. SN3: Rengoku in a button-up white shirt, khakis and a tie? *slams down credit card* - - - - - - - -                        Chapter I: RENGOKU-SENSEI, RENGOKU-SENSEI

Everyday, so far, was a surprise when it came to Rengoku.

You honestly didn’t know what to do with yourself. You had thought studying with Rengoku would be an after school sort of thing as you mingled in classes with other students but somehow, he was able to catch you from different periods for almost a whole week!

Mayamoto-sensei encouraged engagement with local students at the university so she allowed you to go with your new teacher everyday. Jealousy riled the others on how you were getting special treatment other than being the only brown-skinned girl on this trip. 

It bothered you sometimes, because it wasn’t anything like that! But every greeting from Rengoku was positive and enthusiastic. He greeted you kindly in both English and Japanese. He taught you well, proving that he can be strict, attentive, and instructive. Then, at the end, he’d engage you in short conversations to see how well he was doing teaching you the language and how well you were catching on.

“You did great today, _____! You’ve already made great strides on your flow!”

“That’s because you’re a great teacher, Rengoku-sensei. You did have me sweating bullets the first few days, though. I didn’t think I would catch up.” You closed and put your notebook in your bag. “I feel bad because the others don’t like that I get one-on-one time with you like this.”

“Ah, they’re jealous, I see!” He crossed his arms over his chest, his smile forever wide. It was this pose that had you thinking this was déjà vu, but you don’t know why. “Then it can’t be helped! Don’t worry yourself about what they think!”

“I shouldn’t?”

“Nn!” He locked eyes with you again and spoke proudly with his chest out. “Set your heart ablaze and move onward!” An explosive aura filled the room and warmed your body. “No matter what anyone else says, you do what you think in your heart is right!”

Your heart beat fast and your stomach fluttered with butterflies. ‘Why does he look at me like that? Why does he make me feel this way?’ His burning gaze made you feel like he only saw you in his world, but you shook the thought away.

“Is there something on your mind, _____?” 

Your eyes shifted, looking for anything else to say other than what was on your mind. It’d be weird to just be like, ‘hey, I like you and would jump your bones anytime!’ Instead, you found the clock and remembered. “I wanted to visit the flower shop, and see the flower arrangements. I saw one on my way to the girls’ dorm.”

“Let me accompany you!” Rengoku’s open offer made you blush. “I freed myself for the evening just in case!”

This shocked you. “W-what about your schoolwork?”

“I finished it all this morning before meeting with you!”

“And your… colorful friends??” You saw him speak with a few interesting people but he quickly came to you the moment you walked into the fray.

“I have already informed them of my plans this morning!” Your face cracked. He had an answer for everything! “I want to be a good teacher for you and help you as much as I can!”

“Why, Rengoku-sensei?” You asked, curious at what his reason could be.

“Because I like you, _____-chan!”

Your eyes almost popped out. ‘Like me? Like… ‘like me’ like me? Or just like being around me? Whew, boy, you need to stop playing with me because I don’t think my heart can take all of this!’

“Are you ready to go to the flower shop?”

“Y-Yes! Let me get my things, Rengoku-sensei.”

“Kyōjurō.” He corrected you.

“Oh! Kyōjurō…” you circled through the honorifics that he taught you, trying to remember which one was appropriate. “...-kun?”

“Hmm?” He sounded, wanting you to repeat yourself once more.

“Kyōjurō-kun, right?”

A small blush warmed his fair cheeks as he nodded in agreement. “Nn!” He hadn’t expected you to call him that fondly and it ignited his determination to get close to you. A month was not enough time, but he was going to make it work.

You both headed down the slope of the school, crossing a lone shop with beautiful arrangements set everywhere. You ‘ooh’ed and ‘awe’d at each flower that Rengoku named outloud. You repeated, of course. You felt like you were in your own heaven as you gazed at, touched, and smelled the flowers.

You were so happy.

What caught your eyes next were the large, golden blooms held high on long stalks. “Kyōjurō-kun,” he looked over and an overwhelming feeling washed over him when you stood next to the sunflowers, grinning from ear to ear as you asked him, “What’s a sunflower called?”

‘_____, if I could name them after you.’ He walked up next to you, bathing himself in your presence. “Himawari.”

“Himawari. Such a beautiful name for a beautiful flower.”

“I think so, too.” Rengoku wasn’t talking about the sunflower, however.

“Ah, konnichiwa,” you greeted the florist, “Kore wa ikura desu ka?” (How much is this?)

“Go-hyaku-jyuu yen desu.” (500 yen.)

“That’s like… 500 yen, yeah? I think I got it.” As you looked in your bag for the coins instead of breaking the 1000 yen bill.

“Arigatou gozaimasu!” (Thank you so much!) Rengoku bowed and received your wrapped sunflower before handing it to you. “Douzo, _____-chan!” (Here, _____!)

“Ah, Kyōjurō-kun, you didn’t have to buy it for me, but thank you so much!”

“Why wouldn’t I want to buy something for you?” He questioned as you both left the shop. “As I said, I like you, _____-chan! And I want to spend time with you outside of school.”

“Like… together?”

“Yes!”

“Oh, well, honestly, I’d be down for that! Since boys aren’t allowed in the girls dorm, where do you want to go? What do you want to do?”

“I want to kiss you,” he answered shamelessly, “Hold you, and never let you go!” You both made eye contact on the walk back. “Though, I have been holding myself back in case you didn’t like me.”

His words electrified you and he hadn’t even touched you yet in any way whatsoever. “It’s not like you’re handsome or anything…”

“You think I’m handsome?” He beamed suddenly.

You tried playing coy but this kind of mannerism didn’t work for you and, honestly, you liked Rengoku’s straightforwardness. “Yes, I do. When we first met, I liked you instantly. You made me feel so nervous and so excited at the same time.”

“Oh?” He thought for a moment. “Can I hold your hand?” He asked sweetly. “I don’t want you to feel nervous around me, only excited! Happy! Loved!”

“Are you sure that’s okay? Won’t people stare more than they already do at us?”

“I don’t care if they do or don’t! Let them stare! As long as I’m with you, I’m happy.” He gently linked his rough hands with your soft ones, locking them. “I feel I am the luckiest man alive right now because you’re here with me!”

“How many girls have you told that to?”

“Only you, my Sunflower!” 

You choked on your own spit. “Your Sunflower? You’re so sure I’m not taken?”

“Yes and yes! I hope to have you for myself as well.”

“For my short time here?”

Rengoku shook his head. “Forever.”

‘Oh my god. Did he just charm his way into my heart?’ You felt the sincerity in his words and saw the genuity in his owlish eyes. “This all really feels like déjà vu.”

“Déjà vu?”

“Like this happened before. It’s… familiar.”

“Nn! It’s fate that we met as we did!”

‘Fate, huh?’ You didn’t notice that you arrived at the girls’ dorm. “Oh, we’re here!” You thought to loosen your hand from his but your arm suddenly didn’t work with you. He wasn’t letting go either. “Our plans tonight are…?”

“Nani o shitai desu ka?” (What do you want to do?)

“Uh!” Always catching you off guard like that kept you on your toes. Besides, practice made perfect. “Karaoke… ni ikitai desu yo!” (I want to go to Karaoke!)

“Nanji ni ikitai desu ka?” (What time do you want to go?)

Your thinking of literally translating what you wanted to say from English to Japanese made each response a little slow. It took time to gain fluency. “Hachiji ii desu ka?” (8 o’clock okay?)

“Close! “Hachiji de ii desu ka” but you did a great job nonetheless! And yes, 8 is fine with me.”

“So…” you felt reluctant to leave him now even if for a few hours, “I’ll see you later?”

“I’ll wait for you to change and pack up some clothes!” You looked at him incredulously. “As I said, I want to kiss you, hold you, and never let you go! At least for a night!” Though he spoke his desire, ‘Am I asking too much from her all of a sudden? I can’t read the cute and twisted expressions on her face yet. It is her choice to—’

“Let’s do it!” Rengoku’s mouth dropped in surprise. “The dorm gates close at 9pm anyway, for whatever reason, while the boys are allowed to go out and do as they please with the gate open.” You huffed, annoyed. “Oh. Where do you live?” 

“I live in an apartment 20 minutes down the road.”

“All by yourself?”

“Mhm! I can’t wait to show you! So be quick, Sunflower!” He happily guided you across the gate by the small of your back.

You held in your panic as you got a set of clothes for tomorrow, gathering what you could quickly so you didn’t cross the other students and was out and about with Rengoku as soon as possible.

Honestly, you barely avoided them as you came outside, took him by the hand, and rushed off. They were sure to talk about you, or maybe not at all. You had an over friendly and trusting disposition to a fault, but you were adventurous and open minded. - - - - - - - - - - -  Chapters: 1 (Part 1)/ (Part 2)/ (Part 3) | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

[marktuansvevo]

got7 reacts to something theyve never experienced before in a relationship

warning(s); slight cursing, sexual content in bam’s part

mark; being jealous

mark understood why his past partners could be jealous of him in his line of work. as long as it didn’t get out of hand, he thought it was cute. he was never the jealous one in the relationship. he didn’t even know what jealousy felt like....

....until tonight.

you were mark’s entire world. you excited him, you built him up like no other. never before could he see himself spending his life with someone before you came along. you made the world brighter to him.

but now he was only seeing red. 

you had been a trainee and never debuted, which you weren’t too upset about, you had a boyfriend you loved and a career with less physical and time demands than being in the entertainment industry. this meant that you knew a lot of other bands, stray kids being one of them. chan was, quite frankly, your best friend during your trainee days, so when you saw him at this afterparty you were attending with mark, you threw yourself into his arms.

mark just watched you from afar.

and his blood boiled.

chan spun you around in his arms, the biggest smile on his stupid, handsome face. “yah!! y/n! mark didn’t say you’d be here.”

you giggled, trying to keep your tears at bay. you put your hands on his face, poking his dimples. mark scoffed at the blush that was forming on his friend’s face. “god, chan i missed you so much.”

“bro, you look constipated,” bam snuck up behind him. “dude, your face is so red right now.”

mark rolled his eyes. “these parties are so annoying.” he didn’t take his eyes off of you as you caught up with chan, who still had his hand around your waist.

bam followed his line of vision. “shit, you’re not constipated, you’re jealous. yugyeom, come look at him!”

mark walked away from his intoxicated friends and up to you. you smiled at him before returning to your conversation with chan. 

“y/n, we have to go,” mark said lowly, smiling a sickly fake smile at chan, who immediately dropped his hand from your waist. 

“why, baby, we just got here? are you not feeling good?” you asked. he wanted to feel bad, your voice was laced with concern.

“something like that. see you, chan.”

as you got in the car, you smiled at him, poking his cheek. “somebody’s jealous, huh?”

“huh? of chan? i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he clenched his jaw, not making eye contact with you as he steered his car out of the parking lot. you were giggling now.

“you’re cute when you’re jealous. maybe i should make more time for chan.”

“y/n!!!”

jaebeom; wearing disguises in public

jaebeom never thought he would have to dress up in a disguise to go out in public. and jae would never want to put you in such a position. it was draining, and you, as his girlfriend knew that he despised it.

but you wanted to go to a concert with him.

and you wanted to stand in the pit with him and be part of it. don’t get you wrong, you loved when he bought you suite seats or could watch his shows from backstage, but you wanted to sway to ariana grande in th pit with your boyfriend.

“cmon, jae, i think everyone is going to be paying attention to ari. we can skip the opening act?” you suggested.

“y/n, i don’t want to take a chance...im sorry,” he pouted at you. you sighed, trying to figure out what to do.

“what about disguises?” he said. “like, we could wear our halloween costumes?” you were giggling to yourself, but your boyfriend seemed like the idea.

“i could wear my jesus wig and you could paint a beard on me?” he said with serious eyes.

“jae, you hate going out in disguises.”

“true...but, babe, this will be fun. you could wear your sailor mars wig, it’d be cute,”

okay, this was a really cute idea and you were warming up to it...if it made your boyfriend more comfortable to be out in a crowd of so many people, you were down to try it out.

“this really feels like halloween in july,” you giggled as you used mascara to draw a beard on his chin.

“do I look like jesus??” he asked childishly.

“well, you don’t look like im jaebeom of got7, that’s for sure,”

“you look like an egirl,” he laughed at himself. “don’t hate, you know you love it,” you said. “we look so cute, let’s take a mirror selfie and post in later,”

“no, then people will be on to us,” your boyfriend sent a pout in your direction as he looked at his makeshift beard in the mirror. “I look sexy as fuck in a beard,”

“super sexy aegyo please?”

the two of you arrived at the arena, not be noticed by anyone, but jae was still on edge, so you held his hand tight as you made your way into the pit.

“im so excited!!” you shouted over the noise. he shook his head before leaning in to kiss you. the two of you danced the whole night away to arianas crooning, his arms around you as you swayed to her pretty, soothing voice. the two of you let the world fade away while ariana sang honeymoon ave in the background.

jackson; his significant other saying ily first.

it was no secret that jackson was stock full of love and kindness. he had had other partners before you, all with him ending up getting too attached, or scaring them away when he said “I love you” too early.

he did not want to scare you away, and honestly, he had known he loved you two months into dating, but he didn’t want to scare you away, so he never outwardly said those three little words to you.

he wasn’t expecting you to say it, first though.

you had invited him over for dinner and a movie, just wanting a chill night in with your boyfriend. he brought the wine and promised to give you a back massage, so really, what more could you want on this chilly thursday night?

“what’s been going on, honey? you know you can tell me anything,” jackson whispered into your ear as he helped you out of your clothes.

“I feel like I deserve to oversee my department at work. i have the most education of all of them, more experience than them, and generally, I am more optimistic than my superiors….,” you sighed, letting him rub just under your shoulder blades, which had been itching all week.

“mmm?”

“i think they might be scared of powerful women who like to wear hot pink fendi suits to work,” you smiled, knowing he would be offended at your joke. you could almost feel him pouting.

“so the reason you can’t get the job is because your superiors don’t like the suits your boyfriend buys you? wow, what a way to hurt a guy’s pride…,” he followed your lead on the joke, trying to make you laugh because he knew this was really getting to you. “baby, I think you should go to their boss and see if you can get a promotion…tell them everything you told me, okay? i know you’re not only the best woman for the job, but the best person for the job…period,” he said, making you feel so overwhelmed with emotion. none of your previous partners had ever revered you the way jackson had. you felt so incredibly blessed and in love, you couldn’t help yourself.

“god, jackson, I love you so much,” you whispered.

the movement of his soft hands on your back stopped abruptly at your words. ‘oh god, was it too early to say that?’

“j-jackson…im sorry-“

“ive been waiting to say that to you,” he breathed against your lips, closing the distance that was between them.

“jackson wang….you love me?” you could feel the tears building. the man of your dreams was in love with you, too.

“i love you,” he whispered reverently.

“say it again,” you begged. he said it like a mantra.

“i love you, i love you….i love you..”

jinyoung; moving in together

jinyoung thought you were so cute. you were ecstatic to move with jinyoung. you had been living in your shared apartment with your mom your whole life and we’re excited to start a new chapter of your life. jinyoung didn’t think you were taking in the fact that moving is one of the most stressful things a person can go through.

he didn’t want to rain on your parade, though.

the two of you got settled into your new apartment after a long day of unpacking. jinyoung kissed you as you laid onto your new king sized bed. “im gonna grab takeout, you want your usual?” he asked sweetly, squeezing your hand. you just nodded, squeezing his hand back.

you watched as jinyoung walked out of your shared bedroom. that’s when the dam broke. you were so overwhelmed. you didn’t know how to make warm water happen in your shower, you didn’t have your wifi set up, and you forgot your favorite teddy bear at your moms. you missed teddy and your wifi and your mom.

“hey, i ordered you two egg rolls and they gave us three - hey, baby, are you crying?”

“no,” you replied lamely. “I miss teddy,” you wailed miserably.

“teddy...the...stuffed bear?” he asked.

“i slept with him every night for the past 20 something years.”

“baby...we can get your bear in the morning...,”

“we don’t have netflix set up so how am i supposed to sleep tonight?”

“y/n...,” he chuckled. you frowned harder now that he was laughing at you. “moving isn’t as exciting as it looks. tomorrow, we will fix the wifi, okay? and we can visit your mom and rescue teddy.”

“okay...okay. im sorry, im just a bit overwhelmed,” you confessed.

“its gonna be okay, honey. it’s a lot to take in, i know. but you can hold me instead of teddy, and ill sing you to sleep,” he whispered, the takeout now long forgotten. before you could fall asleep, he pulled his iphone out of his back pocket and pulled you into his chest to take a selfie. “there. now we have a picture of us in our bed for the first time.”

“i love you, you sap.”

even though you called him the sap, the next day you went to the pharmacy to get the photo printed and frame it. when jinyoung came home from the market that day, he eyed the frame on your bed stand, smirking at you.

“oh, so im the sap, hmm?”

youngjae; picking up the tab

it was the first date the two of you had been on since youngjae had been on tour. he told you to get dressed up and that the two of you would go out for a fancy dinner and catch up on everything. this is why you loved him, because while you wanted to hear all about his stories of life and tour abroad, he always wanted to hear about everything that was going at home, to see if you were alright.

youngjae looked dazzling in a black checked suit, while you matched him with a little black dress that made him groan when you stepped out of the bathroom. “can we skip dinner?” he’d ask cheekily. you rolled your eyes at him before kissing him on the cheek. “we aren’t skipping dinner, and we definitely won’t be skipping dessert,” you winked before leading him to the car.

the two of you ate dinner together, him holding your hand and looking at you with stars in his eyes as you told him stories that had happened while he was away. you ordered appetizers, drinks, shared an entrée, and youngjae even ordered you a slice of apple pie for the two of you to share.

“baby, I’m going to go use the restroom,” youngjae said before kissing your hand. “’kay, don’t get mugged, please,” you teased him. he shook his head at your playfulness. you watched as he left before frantically waving your arms at your waitress. she ran over to you, checking if you were alright.

“I just wanted to wonder if I can pick up the cheque really quick? I wanted to pick it up for my boyfriend as a surprise,” you spoke in a hushed tone, making the waitress giggle. she nodded her head before handing it to her. you handed her your credit card, thanking her before your boyfriend had any suspicions of what you were up to.

youngjae came out of the bathroom as soon as the waitress set the cheque down. you were applying your lipstick so you couldn’t snatch it in time. you watched as his pretty brown eyes scanned the receipt, looking confused as ever. “is this a joke? what kind of waitress lets the girlfriend pay?”

“jae,” you giggled. “you don’t always have to pay for dinner. I wanted to treat you…I missed you so much,” you confided, watching his expression from anger into warmth.

“oh, thank you honey, you are so sweet and thoughtful, I love you so much,” you let him wrap his suit jacket around your arms before planting a kiss to your forehead. “but that will be the last time you ever do that.”

“shut up, i like doing nice things for you,” you pouted.

“since you paid for dinner tonight, i have to put out, right?”

he ran to the car before you could slap him in the chest.

bam; his s/o borrowing his clothes

remember how joey never shared his food? well that’s how bam was with his wardrobe. he was very particular about his clothing, not letting people borrow them at all. yugyeom used to steal his clothes just to be petty and piss his best friend off. he had never let past partners borrow his clothes, and nothing was going to change, it wasn’t his fault, it was an obsession. if you were sure of one thing, it was to not steal your boyfriends clothes.

but one day, while he was gone from work, you thought you would take pictures of yourself in only one of his blazers to tease him.

you weren’t expecting him to walk through the door while you were trying to take self timer pictures of yourself.

“baby? what are you doing?” bam asked, laughing as you let out a squeal of surprise.

“i..i wanted to surprise you...,” he tsked, pulling away to look at his blazer. “i know you don’t like me wearing your things..,” you stammered as he circled you.

“you have such pretty things, though, bam,”

“you look so sexy in this,” he purred. “you were trying to get me worked up while im trying to work?”

“u...uhhh,” you couldn’t think coherently with you boyfriend acting so domineering. you gasped as he slid his hand up to your cunt, rubbing your clit in little circles. “bam...please...,” you groaned. 

“keep the blazer on,” he said as you writhed in his grip.

“its gonna get all sweaty though and then you’ll yell at me,” you teased him as you followed him to the bed. 

bam just groaned. “baby, im sorry I haven’t let you borrow my clothes before but you look better in them than me. now, let me fuck you and i promise you can have anything you want in that closet.”

he knew exactly how to shut you up.

yugyeom; his s/o buying him flowers

yugyeom was always so stressed during comeback season. you always scolded him when he forgot to eat, or wasn’t staying hydrated enough, but you were so proud of him. seeing the smile on his face and the way he walked a little taller was so worth it.

he was still busy during comeback season, coming home late after all the videos he had to shoot for publicity.

one night, yugyeom had gotten home around midnight to a bouquet of pink roses and a handwritten note from you. it read; “I am so proud of you, my love. congrats on breath… I can always feel your love,” he blushed and giggled to himself, thinking, “isn’t the guy supposed to buy the girlfriend the flowers?” he wandered into your shared bedroom to see you sprawled into his side, with your book in your hands, a soft snore leaving your lips. he nudged you, not intending to wake you up, he could thank you in the morning. but he did accidentally. “yeom?” you whispered. 

“shh, baby go back to sleep,” he shushed, changing into his pjs. 

“did you like the flowers?” you asked, suddenly awake now. 

“theyre really pretty, baby, but aren’t I supposed to buy you the flowers?” 

you narrowed your eyes at him. “not my boyfriend being a sexist,” 

“yah! y/n stop it, I didn’t mean it that way!! I love them, you remembered I said I love roses,” he was pouting now, pulling you into his chest to spoon you. his voice got quieter now. “no one’s ever remembered my favorite flowers…much less bought them for me,” he paused, kissing the back of your neck before closing his eyes and falling fast asleep.

he was whipped.