#hes gained... so much weight we have to change his diet

[plumpybread]

I would love to know your story/headcanon about Chilchuck getting huge is it the lure of an easy life with lots of food and booze ?

It pretty much boils down to the introduction of Senshi into the party.

It's stated in canon that, because of Senshi, Chilchuck's weight has been going up and is beating his "all-time high" weight. We don't really see this directly in the manga, but it's pretty much confirmed he starts to get heavier because of Senshi and his cooking.

Now, we gotta remember that Half-foots are super short. Chilchuck's like in his 30s and he's 3'7" tall, the guy's pretty tall for a half-foot, but he is still incredibly short (for reference, just look at the nearest door, he's a bit taller than the handle). This means weight is affected differently for someone his stature.

Chilchuck weighs 48 pounds, and Laios 197. If Laios were to gain 10 pounds (he canonically gains more, but just as an example), it would hardly be noticeable. Now, if Chilchuck gained 10 pounds, it'd be like night and day, he would look considerably hefty, all because he's so short.

With Senshi in the party, the characters no longer have to scram for mediocre meals, he just whips out incredibly rich meals every day, which are both healthy and heavily packed with calories. Under Senshi's diet, Laios and Chilchuck easily put on a couple of new pounds after some time (Marcille would probably stay the same, elven bodies are really odd with the thinness ingrained into their genetics). Laios' body wouldn't go through much of a change with the extra pounds, but Chilchuck's body expands way more easily, with each pound having a clear change on his physique.

Based on the "he's very careful to keep his weight under control." line from the image above, and just knowing how Chilchuck is like, he would never admit that he's gaining weight, even as his shirt's clearly straining against his newly formed stomach. He wants to watch what he eats, but god damn if Senshi's food isn't simply irresistible.

So he continues to eat excessive amounts of food. Senshi, who's love language is cooking, sees Chilchuck's eagerness to eat his meals as appraise, and continuously makes sure to increase his meal rations so he doesn't go hungry.

Laios gains some pudge at 209lbs, a 12lbs gain from Senshi entering their party. But Chilchuck put on 50lbs, being just short of 100lbs, but having undergone a huge transformation.

At 98lbs, Chilchuck's fatness would look comparable to Laios if he was 402lbs heavy, so.... huge.

He would deny any of it, though, while gorging on the custom rations Senshi would make him.

Senshi wasn't of much help either, he started making his usual meals, and would prepare a separate bowl just for Chil, where he would add more ingredients or fried things more in hopes of making it more filling. At this point his portions started to get bigger than Laios'.

Any attempts by Marcille to get Chilchuck to cut it out and stop getting fatter were met with insults from the growing half-foot and never led anywhere. Laios didn't think much of it, half-foots ARE usually on the heavier side, with Chil being an exception, so he thought his weight gain wasn't a huge concern, even if he was growing at a bit of an alarming pace.

So he continued getting fatter and fatter, ignoring the advice which was turning into concern from Marcille, and Senshi dedicating himself more and more to fill Chilchuck up with food.

[princecroutons]

he broke into my house 7 months ago now look at him

[tinylittlebab]

HEYYYYY i have a scale and i didnt even have to buy it!!

[cameronspecial]

Let Me Prove You Wrong, Angel

Pairing: Frat!Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Insecurities About Weight Gain

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.8K

Summary: After finding out her dress doesn't fit, Y/N starts to feel insecure and Rafe wants to get rid of those thoughts.

A/N: Insipred by this post.

Masterlist

Y/N doesn’t feel insecure often. With someone like Rafe around, it is hard to feel that way with his constant praise. One sight at the doubt of her brilliance and he would literally shut down the whole world until she realized she was the best person ever to exist. As she gets ready for a date with him, she tries zipping up the zipper of her dress, yet it won’t budge. She grows frustrated at the lack of advancement, concluding that she won’t be able to do so because she must have gained some weight. Tears start to bubble at the corner of her eyes, more so that the dress that she adores is no longer in commission for her than the actual weight. It was the dress she wore on her first date with Rafe and she knew how much he loved the dress. She didn’t realize she was taking so long to get dressed until Rafe came up to check on her. Finding his angel on the ground crying is the scariest thing to him. He has no idea what happened or if she is hurt. He rushes to her side and brings her onto his lap. He brushes her hair behind her ear with a kiss on her cheek, “What’s wrong, Angel? Are you hurt?” “No, my dress doesn’t fit anymore,” she whimpers, shoving her head into his neck. He looks at the fallen dress on the floor, “It’s okay. We can pick out another dress for you to wear tonight.” “If that one doesn’t fit, then I doubt the others are going to fit,” she argues. 

“Well, then I’ll cancel our reservations. We can order the greasiest foods I can find and watch the After movies you’ve been wanting to watch.” 

“No, I have to go on a diet. I’ve gotten fatter.” 

Rafe immediately pushes away to look her in the eyes and shakes his head. “No. No. No. Don’t say it like that, Angel. I won’t say that you gained weight or not because we won’t know unless we use a scale, which we aren’t going to do. So we don’t know if the dress doesn’t fit because it shrank or something,” he begins. “But even if you are the reason the dress doesn’t fit, then it doesn’t matter. Because you will still be the most amazing girl in the world. Do you know that it’s been proven the more you gain weight after entering the relationship, the happier you are in it? Weight fluctuation is a perfectly normal thing.” Her head moves from side to side, “If it’s normal then how come you didn’t gain weight too? Are you not happy in our relationship?” “I am ecstatic about our relationship and I can’t tell you why I haven’t gained weight, but if it would make you happy, then I would gain all the pounds in the world to show you how happy I am,” he responds, tucking her back into his side with a kiss to her forehead. She giggles a little, “No, you don’t need to gain weight for me. If you gained all the pounds in the world, I would be worried about your health. I’m just disappointed you won’t be able to give me piggyback rides anymore.” “I will never stop being able to give you piggyback rides,” he scoffs, falling back so he is lying flat on the ground.

He turns her so she is perpendicular against his chest and his hands go under her body. “What are you doing?” she questions at the sudden change of position. He pushes upward, “Let me prove you wrong, Angel.” Y/N is suddenly in the air thanks to his hand movement. His arms don’t even shake a little bit as he leaves her there for a few seconds before he brings his arms back so they are bent. He continues to bring her open and down in his reps until she ceases the point he is trying to make. “Okay. Okay. I get the point. Can you put me down now, please? I’m starting to get lightheaded,” she begs. He brings her back down so she is straddling his hips. “I will always be able to give you piggyback rides and then the moment that I am not going to be able to is when I am going to be a hundred years old with fragile little bones,” he promises, kissing her lips. 

She nods, “I believe you. Can we get something to eat now? I’m hungry.” “Of course, Let’s get some burgers. I want to see how pretty you look wearing my shirt and sweatpants and those are definitely not appropriate for the restaurant,” he informs. He shrugs off his suit jacket and goes to his dresser to get them a change of clothes. 

———

The next day, when she gets back from class, she finds about ten new dresses in her closet. They are all identical to the one she couldn’t put on yesterday, just five are sizes bigger and the others are sizes smaller. She picks up the note on the one that is a size up from her original dress. So you can always wear your favourite dress. I can easily order more if you need them because there is an infinite of these dresses out there, but only one you. I love you, Angel.

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming

[delulujuls]

crumbs | op81, ln4

hi! i hope you don't mind that i am serving another landoscar you can probably already tell how many comfort i am finding in the papayas

anyway please enjoy and feel free to send requests if you have any!

summary: y/n gained a little bit of weight and didn't get well with that

warnings: problems with eating, body dysmorphia

pairing: oscar piastri x fem!mclarendriver x lando norris

"I would eat pizza"

Y/N wrinkled her nose, hearing Lando's suggestion to her left.

"Pizza? You can afford more than that" she replied, eyes glued to the screen while browsing restaurant offers on her phone.

"Pizza is always a good option" he added, shrugging and looking at Oscar for support.

Piastri let out a sight and streched his legs.

"Pizza is a safe choice, I must admit"

"Seriously? You too?"

The girl looked up from her phone and glanced at the aussie sitting to her right.

The three friends were sitting outside the medics' room, waiting for their routine check-ups before the race. It was lunchtime and they were intensively pondering what to eat.

"I would love some Mexican, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea" Oscar said after a few minutes of thinking.

"It's a shitty idea if you ask me" Lando laughed at his own excellent joke and continued until he entered the room for tests, leaving his friends alone.

"I would go for sushi, but I know this big baby won't let me eat fish in his presence" Y/N said, referring to Lando's picky choices.

"How about a burger?"

Oscar asked, glancing at her phone and pointing to a restaurant. She handed her phone to him and they both started looking at the menu.

"It looks decent enough"

After Lando came out it was time for Oscar and then it was Y/N turn. She had her blood pressure, sugar, and blood test taken. Finally, it was time for her weight check. Without thinking too much she took off her shoes and stepped on the scale, straightening up and looking ahead.

"Are you before your period?"

The girl blinked a few times, somewhat taken aback by the unexpected question, but she shook her head.

"Two weeks ago before the race you were four kilos lighter"

She looked down at her body and was surprised by the number on the scale. At the nurse's request she repeated the measurement, but it remained the same.

"Is there a chance that it's a weight scale error?" Y/N asked as she put on her shoes.

The nurse shook her head and wrote down the results.

"Lando and Oscar's weights are the same as during the last measurements, so i guess it's not about the scale"

The girl felt embarrassed. Did that mean she had actually gained weight?

"Do you stick to your diet and training?"

"Yes, I'm trying as best as I can" she quickly nodded, but the woman still looked dissatisfied.

"I'll inform your coach and dietitian, but you need to have more self-discipline."

Y/N nodded and lowered her gaze, feeling bad about herself. When she left the examination room, she noticed Lando and Oscar were still discussing where to eat that day.

"We thought burgers would be a good idea, but we changed the place, let us know if it suits you."

Oscar said, handing her the phone. She took it, but her appetite had completely left her, along with her good mood.

"I don't feel great after the blood test, so I'll pass on lunch today."

"We can eat later when you feel better" Lando suggested, glancing at her. Oscar agreed, nodding.

"No, you can go on your own."

"Then pick something for yourself, we'll get it for you to go."

Y/N handed back the phone and shook her head.

"No, there's no need. I need to rest for a while and I'll eat something later."

Her friends insisted for a while, but she remained adamant. When they lost the verbal battle with her, they both left the hotel together and she returned to her room. She immediately went to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. She carefully observed herself from every angle, raising and lowering her shirt, sucking in and relaxing her stomach. She didn't think anything had changed in her appearance, but the longer she looked at her reflection, the less she was liking what she was seeing. She slipped her finger under her waistband, trying to remember if her pants had been looser at some point. She leaned closer to the mirror, examining her face. Were her cheeks perhaps less round?

The girl shook her head, left the bathroom and sat on the bed. So yes, it is a fact. She had gained weight, which didn't bode well, especially for her performance. Not wanting to succumb to negative emotions, she got up and changed quickly, wanting to start her training for the day earlier. She headed to the hotel gym, spending two hours doing cardio exercises which killed any appetite she had left and certainly any craving for food.

"I thought I was the only one who came here with such a big head start" her trainer joked, putting his bag with her training equipment on the floor. Seeing her sweaty and flushed from exertion, he furrowed his brow.

"How long have you been here?"

"Not long, just warming up. We can start, im ready"

She replied, pretending not to have any trouble catching her breath. She wiped her face with a towel and took a sip of water. In reality, she had had enough.

After another two hours of intense exercise, Y/N had had even more than enough. If that was possible at all.

And that was how her days started to passing away, quickly turning into weeks. She spent more time on training than necessary, completely avoiding recovery time. She also avoided going out with Lando and Oscar, knowing it was better to avoid them than to come up with excuses for not ordering anything to eat and only drinking water with ice. But there were moments like this, when avoiding them was impossible.

After the pre-race conference, there was a big dinner from which Y/N couldn't escape. Everyone was milling around big swedish tables with their plates in hand, but she sat on the side, clutching a bottle of water. Suddenly, a plate of freshly prepared lasagna appeared in front of her. A few pieces of broccoli and a small portion of greek salad, her favorite, lay next to it. Lando and Oscar sat down in front of her, their plates also filled with delicious food. There was no way out of this, but she couldn't let herself be defeated.

"I took you some yummies, don't be grateful too much" Lando said and sat down, starting to eat. She forced a smile and held her fork, pushing the food around her plate. She took a knife in her other hand, starting to cut a piece into smaller portions while maintaining an active conversation with her friends. Her utensil movements were dynamic, she speared the food, waved it near her mouth. However, no piece eventually made it onto her tongue and not a single calorie disrupted her balance. Another great success.

Both Oscar and Lando easily sensed the change in her behavior. They had noticed it a while ago when she began to avoid them like the plague and when she was with them, she wasn't the person they used to know.

"We see what you're doing and you better stop that or at least tell us what's going on" Lando said firmly, setting aside his utensils. She looked at them, pretending to be surprised.

"You know what I'm talking about"

"I have no idea" she replied immedietaly.

"You haven't eaten anything even though your plate is full of your favs" Oscar pointed out.

"I just don't have an appetite, I ate earlier"

"You haven't eaten earlier, Y/N"

Oscar shook his head, looking at her with concern.

"You have no idea what I was doing earlier.

The girl said, shaking her head in irritation. What did it matter to them whether she ate or not? They had probably noticed she gained weight so they knew her results would be poor, which meant she would be worse than them. She wouldn't be worse than anyone.

"It's just that we don't know because you cut yourself off from us without a word"

"I didn't cut myself off from anyone"

"You stopped spending time with us, you don't talk to anyone and it's almost impossible to reach you so how you will call it other than cutting yourself off?"

Y/N snorted, shaking her head.

"This is absurd"

"We're just worried, that's all"

Lando said, not angry but genuinely concerned. And even if he was angry, it was only with himself for not knowing what was happening with his friend.

"No one has to worry about me"

She cut him off and stood up. She had no intention of listening to this nonsense but when she got up abruptly, her head spun and she staggered uncontrollably. Oscar caught her just in time and he exchanged a meaningful glance with Lando. They held the girl tightly and the three of them left the dinner.

Once they were outside, the cold night air somewhat cooled Y/N's unwarranted anger. Lando and Oscar were her friends, not enemies and none of them had ever made her feel like they had ill intentions.

"I feel weak" she finally admitted, squinting her eyes. After a moment, she felt something warm tickling her lips. Lando cursed when he saw a trickle of blood from her nose. He began frantically searching his pockets, but Oscar was faster and pressed a tissue to her nose.

"It's okay, just breathe"

Piastri said calmly, sitting her down on a bench. He laid her down, gently placing her head on his lap, telling Lando to lift her legs. He did what he was told, but he felt like he could faint at any moment himself.

The three of them sat in silence and Oscar and Lando from time to time were exchanging worried glances. They didn't want to press on Y/N too much. They knew her nature and that she had to open up to them on her own.

"I lied" the girl said quietly after few minutes of silence, so quietly that Oscar and Lando thought it was just the whistle of the wind.

"I didn't eat anything today. Yesterday, too and the day before either"

"You haven't eaten anything for three days?" Lando asked, looking at her with concern. She weakly nodded.

"Why?"

"I gained weight"

"Who told you that you gained weight?"

Lando asked, frowning his brows. He was ready to throw hands with anyone who let his friend down.

"It came out during the check. I gained weight, which shouldn't have happened"

"And that's why you stopped eating? Completely?"

"I shouldn't eat"

She admitted, still pressing the tissue against her nose. She felt her eyes filling with tears. She hated being weak, but that was exactly what she was in that moment. Just weak.

"You should eat, you need to eat," Oscar said, wiping away the tears that escaped her eyelids "Everyone needs to eat"

"Not me"

"Everyone deserves to enjoy delicious food, especially you"

"It would be better for me if there was no food in the world"

"You're being silly" Piastri said, gently caressing her cheek. She opened her eyelids and immediately met a pair of big brown eyes, looking at her calmly.

"We'll take you to your room, you'll rest. One of us will bring you something good to eat and you can have it in peace without any weird glances. Okay?"

She nodded weakly, not being able to continue this fight. Shortly after that all three of them were in her bedroom. They sat on the bed, each of them having a paper plate with something to eat. Oscar and Lando were already quite full, but they wanted to show their support to their friend, so each of them took a large piece of cake.

Y/N looked hesitantly at her meal, her nervous gaze shifting between her friends.

"This is safe food, good ingredients. Your stomach will thank you for it" Lando assured her, smiling encouragingly.

She nodded and slowly started eating. Lando and Oscar joined her, and they ate in silence. No unnecessary comments, no lectures. Just the comfort offered by friends. And nothing tasted better than that.

[enmi-land]

౨ৎ ANGEL BABY

──── 𝗆𝗂𝗅𝖺 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗌 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗆𝖺𝖽𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖺𝖽𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝗇𝗈𝗈

2024 pairing. 김선우 x fem!member oc cw. mentions of dieting & body image req. mila babying sunoo. ❨ back to LIBRARY ?! ❩

MILA WASN’T USED TO TAKING CARE OF OTHER PEOPLE, especially when she had grown up learning to be independent — to function without the presence of people who she could rely on, only to realise she was more lonely than anything else. So when she would innately baby her boyfriends and spoil them with affection, she surprised even herself with how natural to felt.

To care for someone, to do something kind for them, to be able to put a smile on their faces… Those were the things that Mila whole-heartedly believed she was here on this earth to do.

“Say, ‘ahhh.’” Mike lifted a fork to Sunoo’s lips, which had a chunk of her fluffy homemade pancakes covered in maple syrup and whipped cream at the end of it, topped with a sliced strawberry that would fall of any second now.

Sunoo laughed slightly before obediently allowing the girl to feed him, humming in delight as the pancake melted across his tongue in a puddle of sweetness. Mila smiled brightly, eyes sparkling with adoration as they took in the sight of his puffed cheeks and the sound of his little chirps. It wasn’t often that she looked at someone and thought, ‘I want to pinch his cheeks.’ But Sunoo had always been an exception.

“Is it good?” Mila asked. Her tone had changed to resemble the cooing that one would make to a baby. And why wouldn’t it? Sunoo was adorable, and he was technically her baby.

Sunoo nodded, his hair bouncing slightly form the movement. Mila giggled as he put his thumbs up. “It’s good!”

“Have some more.” Mila said as she poked her fork through the half-eaten pancakes on the plate. She lifted the fork up to Sunoo’s lips once again, repeating the action she had been doing for the past half an hour. And yet, it wasn’t boring or tedious in the slightest. She couldn’t think of anything she’d rather be doing.

“I think I ate too much…” Sunoo groaned as he lay down on Mila’s bed, placing a hand over his stomach. He had finished the whole plate of pancakes that Mila had made for him, unable to resist the sweetness of the fluffy treat. He pouted. “I’m so full.”

Mila giggled happily as she lay next to him, throwing her arms around him and resting her cheek against his shoulder, nuzzling it slightly. “That’s good.”

“Until I end up gaining weight, you mean,” Sunoo sighed. “I was supposed to go on diet…”

Mila immediately raised her head, a stern expression on her face. “No. You’ve already been eating less than normal. Who cares about gaining weight? It’s more important that you’re happy and healthy— and we both know you were eyeing those snacks that Jake and Riki were eating last night.”

Sunoo pouted. “But still… I should lose some of my baby fat. Especially on my face.”

“Nooooooo…” Mila leaned down to peck Sunoo’s cheek, before brushing away the hair from his face. She looked into his eyes, cupping his cheeks which she adored so much. “What about your perfect cheeks? We’d lose a national treasure if you lost any more weight… What would happen then?” She gently squished his face together. “No. I can’t live without these cheeks.”

Sunoo’s pout was replaced with a bright smile, his eyes crinkling into a familiar pair of crescent moons. “Do you like my cheeks that much?”

Mila didn’t hesitate to respond, “Of course I do.” She littered small pecks across his face, covering his skin in her love, savouring the small giggles he released in return. She pulled away, eyes sincere as they looked into his. “I love everything about you. Don’t forget that.”

Sunoo smiled, nodding in agreement. “Okay.”

He didn’t know how he would ever forget. Not when Mila was holding him so gently, as if she was holding the cusp of the world in her hands. Not when she brought his head to her chest and ran her hands through his hair while whispering how much she loved him. Not when she was calling him “baby,” “honey,” “sweetie” — every sweet name she could possibly think of — while showering him in kisses.

“This is nice,” Sunoo hummed, burying his face further into Mila’s chest. “Thank you, byeol-ah.”

Mila smiled, resting her cheek on the top of Sunoo’s head while looking at the ceiling, imagining the bright sun shining down on them through the roof. “Anything for you, xīngān.”

xīngān (“心肝”) lit. trnalsated as “heart and liver” but is a strong term of endearment more close to the english meaning of “my heart and soul”

[legend-the-dumb-jock]

Chase took a picture of himself in the dirty gym mirror. Damn he looked good he thought to himself. Years of dedication and dieting has left him with a body that made men and women swoon for his attention. The bad thing about this though was Chase knew he was good looking. He treated everyone poorly and it wasn’t long before he had enough enemies that they decided they needed to do something about it. I watched him take a picture of himself smirking as he was loving the reflection he had and as soon as he took the picture I slipped right on in. Taking full control. Chase was fully aware of everything happening. I made sure of that. But for now it was me in full control. And he was helpless to anything I did. “Well chase it looks like you have quite the number of enemies. You pride yourself so much how you look that it’s time to make some lasting changes!” I said out loud in his deep voice. Chase was screaming inside my head. Trying to take control but able to do a thing about it.

Rubbing Chase’s hairy stomach I knew that the first thing I was going to do was give Chase a gut. Something he prided himself on never having. Well times change and it was time for him to gain some serious weight. Chase screamed inside his own head and I just laughed.

Going home I thought about more ways to really punish Chase and I got even better ideas. Like normal I got tired of Chase screaming non stop so I put him to sleep. Leaving me to figure out all the wicked things I was going to do. At his apartment I looked at myself in the mirror. Chase really was a good looking man. Fit and muscular. Size 14 feet. He really was something to see. Looking down I rubbed his stomach. Using my magic I mumbled the spell to activate all changes I willed on him. His stomach began to bulge. And I laughed the whole time. “No that’s not big enough. Chase shouldn’t be able to see his feet !” And as if on command his stomach surged forward. Blocking his view of the ground. “Perfect !” He rubbed a ringer down the middle of his stomach and said “he’ll never be able to suck this in even if we tried !” And just liked his stomach flexed and churned. Bloating out more. Chase’s abs disappeared completely and his muscle would never respond to him trying to flex them again. His stomach would be permanently bloated outward. Always hanging in front of him no matter what he did. “This is more like it. This way this weight will stick and never go away!” And just like that Chase would never be able to lose another pound.

I decided the hair for his body needed to be thicker. Like a sweater he could never remove and just like that his body began to grow very thick hair. A dark beard sticking out of my chin and touched the top part of his chest that was quickly becoming coated. Arms and shoulders now thickly matted in hair.

I made his body begin to smell like he hadn’t showered in days. Making this is new permanent smell while sweat began to bead on his forehead and drip down his hairier body. His shoes had gotten tighter as I made his feet thicker and hairier to match the rest of his modified body. But that wasn’t all I was going to do. “This body will need to smoke everyday. A have a beer everyday or else Chase will get sick!” Definitely going to love having those addictions now.

I spent a week in his beefier hairy body. Getting chase used to his new life. The smell. The sweating. The smoking and the beer. I quit his job for him in accounting because it was going to be too much for him after my next change. Walking down the street I let Chase wake up. Letting him feel his body jiggly as it walked. Letting his feel that wind blowing through all the hair ! Chase was screaming instantly. Crying in his own head. I opened the door to the clinic and Chase demanded to know what was going on. I just laughed and ignored him. When the doctor came in I quickly signed the papers. Not even giving Chase enough time to read them. I wanted this to be a surprise for him. He demanded to know what was going on. The doctor came in with the syringe and prepped the needle. Chase demanded to know what was happening. “You sure you want this ?” Said the dr and I shook chase’s head for him. It was then I decided to tell Chase. In his head like a thought I told him how accounting was a thing of the past. I told him how my final change for him was to make another change. One that I couldn’t use magic for. Chase screamed and cried. He begged me not to do this. I held out his arm. Still under my control. Chase screamed. The needle was inserted in his arm by the doctor. And the doctor gave me one last chance to back out. I took the needle from his hands and plunged the fluid directly into Chase’s thicker hairier arm. And left his body completely.

I watched as Chase’s jaw went slack. Drool began to pool into his beard. For all the doctor knew. Chase just offered himself up for a liquid lobotomy. And injected himself too. Instantly dropping his iq from 140 to 60. Chase would never be an accountant again. He would be a big dumb lumbering brute for the rest of his life now.

[dollediary]

He's Yours, But Am I?

pairings❥ jake x fem!reader

point of view❥ 3rd person

warnings❥ mentions of sex, body issues, dieting, signs of pregnancy, abandonment, slight verbal abuse, manipulation, unprotected sex

word count❥ 20.6k

genre❥ angst, smut

synopsis❥ falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry. not using protection to feel closer to each other was fun until you missed your period, so what happens when your pregnancy test results come back positive? to you, it had been a dream come true; you knew you had to break the news to him eventually, and maybe you could finally confess your feelings to him. when you do finally tell him the news he tells you he isn't ready to be a father, requesting you to stop seeing each other. falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry, but it in no way compares to being in love with your friends with benefits and having his child to carry.

note: i apologize for the absence. i was so emotionally invested in writing this story, so i just kinda lacked the motivation to wrote anything else. can't promise all of your previous requests will be fulfilled, but i'll do my best! please like, reblog, and interact as much as possible! it will help me get motivation to finish more stories and grant more requests. i'm super proud of this work, i think i'll do 3rd person from now on. i hope you all enjoy, let me know how you all like it!

"do you think i'm getting fat?" y/n asks her friend, chaewon, as she pinches her stomach, the almost unnoticeable weight gain making her frown at herself while she stood sideways in the mirror. chaewon frowns as she watched from the bed, she noticed y/n had been losing her glow ever since july ended, but she attributed it to their sophomore year in college that would be starting up again in weeks' time. y/n always lost her glow whenever school started back up.

"a little," chaewon replied honestly. "but that's normal! we've been eating well these days; it could just be a bloat, you know?" y/n thought about it for a second and nodded. that may have been the reason she's also been nauseous lately, too, having eaten more than her body could handle in the name of enjoying her summer break more. chaewon takes note of y/n's thoughtful silence, adding onto her statement, "we can always go to my pilates and yoga classes to change it back to normal if you want..?"

"maybe, i'm gonna wait a few days to see if it'll go down on its own first," y/n sighed, giving her reflection one last glance as she unfolded and pulled her oversized shirt down again, meeting chaewon on the bed with a jump and loud thud as she stared at the ceiling. chaewon only stared forward, continuing to watch tv as they stayed in a comfortable silence.

"you talk to hyunjin lately?" y/n asks chaewon, breaking the silence. chaewon only shrugs her shoulders in response.

"eh. how about you and jake?"

"we've been seeing each other in person more, and he's becoming more of a caller than a texter these days," she explains to which chaewon only responds with a hum of understanding.

"hyunjin and i are the kind who don't need to talk to each other everyday for our bond to be as strong as it is. when we're together, it's like he never left," the smile on chaewon's face awakens something in y/n: lovesickness. she pouts, but it's more of a pout of envy than jealousy, because she could never be jealous of her best friend.

"i wish i could relate," she groaned, turning to lay on her stomach as she receives a facetime call from jake. picking up the phone, she fights back a smile by biting the inside of her cheek. "hey, you!" her excitement comes out awkwardly, like a teenage girl trying to talk to her crush despite her heart and brain not cooperating normally like it had only seconds before.

"hey, y/n," he laughed, still not quite used to her shy demeanor on the phone. "you up to chill?" he asks, making y/n almost scream out a yes to him. but she couldn't, obviously. chaewon was over and she didn't want to kick her friend out just to hang out with a boy, especially knowing chaewon wouldn't do that to her.

"i would but my friend chae is hereㅡ"

"it's fine!" chaewon interrupts the girl, her head appearing behind y/n's in the tiny box as she waved to jake who responded with a nod. "i was just getting ready to head out soon," she walks closer, giving y/n a kiss on the cheek as y/n lowers the camera for privacy. "mwah. bye, i love you. let me know if the bloating goes down so i know whether to register you as my plus one for my next session."

"okay, okay. i love you too," y/n responds, chaewon leaving soon after. y/n finally moves her attention back to jake who was clearly eavesdropping the entire time with a cheeky smile on his face.

"bloating for what? are you on your period?" he asks, making her groan annoyed by his nosiness. "hey c'mon it's a natural thing, you can talk about it with me. plus, you know a period don't stop nothing but a sentence," he winks only making the girl groan more.

"you're gross," she gagged dramatically, making the boy burst out into a fit of laughter. "there's no way i'm having sex with you on my period," she added on, but he only laughed harder.

"why not? c'mon don't knock it till you try it! let's try it out today," he persists making her pout her lips as she thought about it. it could just be another thing she could cross off of her list of irrelevant things she did pertaining to sex.

"maybe, but i won't be getting my period for another week since i didn't come on it this week like the app said i would," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "huh. you didn't peg me to be the kind of guy who's into that stuff."

"oh, i'm not. but i think i'll be into anything that involves you, y/n."

"ugh, don't directly address me when you say things like that, you know how it gets me!"

"maybe i want you to get like that. how sexy is phone sex?"

"doesn't sound any better than real sex."

"maybe to you, i'm getting hard just listening to your voice."

"oh my god. goodnight, jake," y/n's eyes widened as she hung up, a small smile painting her lips.

waking up the next morning, and after immediately looking in the mirror, the bloating did not go down. a disappointed sigh left y/n's lips as she threw one of jake's sweatshirts over her tank top to cover the 'obvious' difference in her appearance as she made her way to campus, already dreading the day.

upon arrival, she met chaewon in their usual spots for their lecture, seeing the girl with coffee for the both of them. offering her friend a thankful smile, she took a sip of the coffee, eager for its bittersweetness to wake her up as it usually did. but her sip was quickly, and secretly spit back into the cup as an indescribable amount of disgust flooded her taste buds.

"jesus, who pissed in this coffee? it's disgusting," the girl asked, making her friend's eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. she'd known y/n's order by heart; it's been prepared by the same worker for months. y/n's never been dissatisfied with the taste of the coffee before.

"he's prepared it the same way he does every morning, so i'm confused," chaewon says, watching y/n try to give the coffee another chance by taking a longer sip, immediately gagging as she lets it drip back down into the cup again. now even the smell of it was unbearable. she pushes the coffee away all together.

"well it's shitty today, let's just get some more later," she responded, both girls shrugging it off as they listened to their professor's talking once again. y/n was tempted several times after the fact to drink the coffee, but she was too sickened by its taste and smell. she eventually got up and threw the whole cup away all together, hating the way her body was responding to it.

when lunch rolled around, it was safe to say they both had forgotten about the morning's coffee incident, and y/n was already more than excited to eat the lunch she had yet to order. though the summer sun hadn't gone yet, the heat was certainly making its way out. temperatures outside were fine, so the walk from their hall to the building holding the university's lunchroom went smoothly, however the air conditioning had murderous intent when they entered the building.

"god i hate this building," chaewon groans as she zips her jacket up, which worked to no avail as the fabric was nowhere near thick. y/n nodded in agreement as they both subconsciously agreed they'd eat quickly so they could just leave. getting into different lines, y/n walked over to the soup station, getting her favorite vegetable soup that always made the freezing AC temperatures more bearable. she fixes a smaller bowl than she usually would, already beginning her dieting journey to lose the weight she'd gained.

once she added her side dishes, she met chaewon at the table with the most sunlight shining through the big, wide open windows, eager to get the warmth that this building insisted heavily on denying.

"we should've just ordered takeout instead," y/n grumbled, sipping a spoonful of her soup juice as she closed her eyes, the steam from her soup fanning her face as a "thank you for choosing to eat me today." savoring the soup, as she usually did, she immediately cringed at the horrible taste that flooded her mouth. "my god, why is everything so shitty today? first the coffee, now this?" it was clear that her mood was plummeting from her sudden disdain towards the food she loved most. she pushed her tray away, saddened, making chaewon sigh with pity.

"do you just want some of my lasagna?" she knew y/n wouldn't want it, but she couldn't stand to see her best friend so upset about not being able to eat. it was a dumb question, because it was something y/n hated the most, but y/n nodded, pushing her tray over to the girl. chaewon is confused but gives her a reasonable amount to eat, not too much as it would go to waste if she didn't eat it, but not too little as to have her request for more in the event that it wasn't enough.

reluctantly, she takes her fork and digs into the lasagna, hating everything about it, but the smell seemed a lot more inviting that what it had been only months before, the time frame she first decided she hated the entree. taking a hesitant bite into it, her eyes shot wide open as she began chewing. it was delicious. and she didn't know why. she opted to eat more of it, quickly downing the food as she looked at chaewon, begging for more to which, of course, the girl obliged. she wasn't that hungry anyways.

days had gone by since y/n had found a new love for lasagna, she even branched out the different flavors they offered, becoming obsessed with the spinach-alfredo lasagna. they were two combinations she knew she'd usually hate being put together, but she couldn't stop eating them. and though chaewon never said it aloud, she was confused. so confused. especially confused when y/n had suddenly started gagging, on the verge of vomiting only minutes after she'd eaten so deliciously. but, she rushed to the bathroom with her friend, ready to assist her nonetheless.

it's was a sad thing for her, watching her friend look so sick and helpless over the toilet while her body kept forcing her food up, not even stopping after the fact that her stomach emptied, telling her she still needed to throw more up. when she finished, her whole body was shaking, and she was on the verge of tears from the burning she felt in her throat.

she insisted she was fine, her solution being to eat again to make up for the food lost, but after having several incidents of vomiting to the point of tears, all of them with chaewon being her personal witness, she couldn't quite convince the girl anything anymore, reluctantly having to agree to seeing the doctor and get to the bottom of it. but they weren't ready for any of the questions that the doctor would ask the poor, and naive, y/n.

"have you been sexually active in the last few months, miss l/n? more importantly, without protection?" doctor kim asks, taking both y/n and chaewon by surprise. she looks over to her friend, feeling uncomfortable by the question, but chaewon only gives her a sympathetic smile as she encourages her to answer the doctor.

"yes.. but i don't see why that matters?" y/n replies, essentially dismissing the doctor's question. there was no correlation between the two, she was just feeling a little under the weather. or maybe it was a result of her semi-depression from her weight gain? there were so many possibilities. "we think i may have a stomach bug," she adds on, making the doctor click his teeth in response. he sighs, adjusting his glasses as he looked past her, not wanting to cause conflict, but still needing to do his job.

"well, miss l/n, i'm not suggesting anything big, but since you have had unprotected sex, your symptoms are seeming to lean a lot toward-"

"i'm sorry ,doctor kim, but i don't need suggestions. i'm paying you to use your damn degree and use facts to get to the bottom of this, not suggest my symptoms have anything to do with the sex i have in my life," y/n spits out, grabbing chaewon's hand to lead her out the door.

"you go, i'll be a quick second," chaewon smiles at the agitated girl who only nodded as she stormed her way to the car. letting out the breath she'd been holding, she bowed apologetically to the doctor. "i'm sorry, doc. she's been really moody since she gained weight. she's usually the sweetest girl!"

"i see," he responds. "she may not be willing to right now, but i recommend coming back soon and getting an ultrasound to see if my thoughts may be correct," he says, getting ready to head out the room, since he no longer needed to be there, having other patients to tend to.

he'd already been long gone by then, but chaewon still responded to him. it was more for herself anyways. "i'll think about it."

looking in the mirror every morning became a habit for y/n. she absolutely hated the way she looked. she felt like she was in a body that wasn't her own, her mental health only worsening with each day she decides to stare in the mirror. she was lonely. she'd been skipping classes, telling chaewon she was just too lazy to go to, but doing that meant chaewon wouldn't be there to support her rapidly growing illness. and she couldn't just call jake, either. they argued too much and they both hated it, deciding that no contact was better than enduring the toxicity any longer.

but today, she couldn't endure not speaking to him any longer. she'd grown far more dependent on him, realizing her days of misery could only be made better by him. so, even though she knew that calling him most likely wouldn't end well, she hit the facetime button, watching with anticipation as she waited for him to pick up.

"y/n," his sigh of happiness only brought a smile to her face, and for a second everything felt better, even her stuffed nose seemed to clear for a second. her eyes watered, but she quickly blinked the forming tears away because no y/n you will NOT cry. "i missed you," he says, making her heart flutter as he frowned through the screen.

"i'm sorry," was all she could say, lumps forming in her throat. why did this have to make her so emotional? she'd never cried over something as simple as this before, it wasn't rare for jake to express his feelings for her in this way, but for whatever reason she decided that hearing all of this now meant and felt more than anything. "i missed you, too."

"how have you been?" he asks, making her lips form a thin line. she never did tell him of her illness, being scared that he'd stop coming over in fear of catching her symptoms.

"i've been bored, there's never anything to do these days, and i'm too lazy to go out."

"hm. then how about i come over and give you something to do?" his question was laced with suggestiveness, making her feel an uneasy amount of insecurity. she really wanted to have him come over, more than anything, but it just couldn't happen. not when she felt like this. and not when she looked like this either.

"i don't know, i'm pretty tired right now, too," she laughs nervously, making him sigh.

"please, y/n. it doesn't even have to be sex. i just want to be with you. i miss you," while it didn't seem like much to him to admit it, it meant the world to y/n. she felt like he really wanted her. and in a way, he did, so of course, she let her heart fall right into his arms. even though her doubts and insecurities begged her to say no, she refused to listen this time.

"okay," her heart was beating fast, unsureness running through her veins, but all of it was worth it. any ill feeling would be worth it if it meant she'd get to see his smileㅡ a smile that only existed because of her.

"say less," he giggled, hanging up the phone. she let out the breath she was holding, her senses awakening as she realized all of what she just agreed to. she looked at her outfit, too revealing for the way she was looking right now. "shorts are fine, but i need a bigger shirt," she spoke to no one but herself as she went to her closet to put on an oversized hoodie in hopes he wouldn't be able to see how "ugly" she'd become.

it didn't take long for him to arrive, engulfing her in his arms as soon as she opened the door. it was times like this that made her wonder, why would she even want to fight with him to begin with? she's head over heels in love with him; arguing with him only took away these moments from her. she couldn't stand it.

"pretty girl, you've lost your glow," he says after they pull away from their drawn out hug, grabbing her face, moving it around in his eyesight as he frowned. her eyes were accompanied with dark eye bags, her cheeks were puffy, and her skin seemed to have paled quite a bit since he'd last been over. she could only smile bitterly, that's what no sleep does to you, she thinks.

"it's because you haven't been here to shine on me," she laughed, taking his hand to walk to her bedroom where they both sat on her bed. he laughs along, happy upon the realization that they most likely wouldn't get into an argument since the majority of their arguments happened digitally.

"well we're together now, so that's all that matters," he says, making her smile. she nods, taking a second to look at him while he turns his attention to the tv, already browsing through netflix to put on a show or movie he thought they'd be able to enjoy. she didn't realize how fond she'd grown of him until now, but maybe she just forgets about it until moments like this come up for her to acknowledge them once again.

the universe was unfair to her, in more ways than one, but giving her this special relationship with jake made all of the hardships disappear. she liked jake. and even though she knew he didn't feel the same way, she liked that his actions made her feel like he did. and they shared a lot of intimate moments, so even if she didn't necessarily have the real label she wanted, there was nothing that could stop her from pretending.

maybe that's the thought that kept her going, allowing him to make himself at home in her heart more and more with each passing moment they shared. maybe that's what made her stop looking at other men the way she looked at him. maybe that's what accidentally brought her lips onto his, cupping his cheeks as her eyes closed in relief when he kissed her back. it was always heavenly to kiss jake, but this time it felt better than that. he kept her slow speed, not bothering to pull her on his lap, yet, as he was determined to savor this moment in fear of it never happening again. he moves his hand up to her cheek as she let hers fall down to her side, smiling into the kiss as he stroked her cheek lovingly.

it felt like an eternity, them staying like that. but, jake was never patient when it came to these things. and it wasn't far from how y/n was either, so naturally he attempted to escalate it, his body already anticipating how good they were going to make each other feel. but as soon as he attempted to slide his tongue in, y/n panicked, squeezing her eyes shut as she pulled away, face hot with embarrassment as she saw the confusion the boy had on his face.

"is everything okay?" he asked, putting his hand on her shoulder gently so as to not startle the girl more than he already seemed to. she averted eye contact, but nodded nonetheless. "did i do something wrong? did i make you uncomfortable-?" he asked further, thoughts spinning around his head as to why she'd pull back.

"no i'm sorry," cutting him off, her voice was low as she didn't really want him to hear her confessionㅡ afraid it would spiral into another argument given her contradicting actions. "i just.. dont want to have sex," all the thoughts and reasons he'd listed before flew out the window, his mind going quiet as did he.

"you're seeing someone else. is that it?"

"wha- no, jake! i just-"

"there's nothing else it could be," he says, making her frown. jake had been suspecting this for a while. he'd never had any problems with her whenever they called or facetimed, or even texted before. but for the past few weeks, that's all that's been happening. he'd somehow say the 'wrong' thing and she'd blow off on him, it would spiral into something worse, then they would just stop talking until one of them texts again. the last time he'd gone through that, his fling ended up leaving him and moving onto a serious relationship, something they swore they would never be able to doㅡ well, clearly not with him at least.

"jake, i swear it's not like that!" y/n's heart was beating out of her chest, she could feel his sadness even though everything he said was monotone. he was hurting over something that she wasn't even doing. and the way he already seemed so sure of it? it made her wonder how long he'd been feeling this way.

"then why do you keep leading me on and then backing out when you're the one who initiated it? are you seeing someone else, y/n?" his eyes were starting to gloss over, and she hated it. so, so much. she didn't know what to do. admitting the truth would only make him leave. her silence only further proved the point he convinced himself that he was making. adding fuel to the fire- "do i only tempt you enough to try but not go through with it? am i SO bad at fucking you that you have to go find someone else to do bette-"

"i'm not thin anymore, okay?!" she finally had the courage to cut him off, tears streaming down her face that had become hot from her frustrations caused by his baseless, but very, very hurtful accusations.

"what?"

"i've gotten fat. and-," she sighed, trying to regain her composure. "i want so badly to have sex with you, but i'm scared. i'm scared that i'll take off these baggy clothes and- you'll be disgusted by my body and leave me. i would never be so evil as to go out of my way to cheat and hurt you. this is only happening because i hate myself and my body for what it's becoming. i can't let you see me be like this."

"baby..." his voice is soft, contradicting the anger it projected only moments before. even though that one word was a great comfort to her, it only worsened her rainfall of tears as she allowed herself to break down in his arms. it was something he'd never understand. she was beautiful in his eyes, nothing would change that. "i don't care if you gain weight, or lose weight. hell, you could wake up bald and i would still find you to be the sexiest girl alive. don't you ever think otherwise."

she nodded, pulling away to look him in the eyes, her pout failing to disappear despite the fact that she was starting to feel a little bit better about it. he smiled at her bringing his lips to her forehead for a kiss, then to each individual cheeks, then finally to her lips in a kiss that was sweeter than the one shared beforeㅡ only she would let it escalate this time.

pulling back, she looked him lovingly in the eyes. they were shining the same way hers were as he pulled her back in for a hard, but not too hard, peck on the lips, more following after them as he wanted to bask in all the moment had to offer. her giggle only made him smile as he pecked her lips one last time before he went to shower each cheek with kisses as well. once he felt he'd spread the love there enough, he tilted her head to the side, trailing kisses over her neck, not any lower as his sweatshirt was in the way. moving back up, he kissed her ear before he whispered a low "take this off," while tugging on the sweatshirt that had now become a barrier between the two of them.

obeying his request, she lifted the fabric off, throwing it across the room as her body shivered from the temperature change on her bare arms. he laughed, latching his mouth back onto her neck, this time carefully sucking, leaving his own marks of love behind for her to be able to look back to if she were to question his love for her again. tugging the bottom of her shirt as she assisted him in lifting it off her head, the shirt being carelessly thrown somewhere across the room like the jacket.

he changed his position, kneeling with either knee on her side as he pushed her slightly to lay her down on the bed. he stared down at her body, scanning the beauty she was. it was then that she realized she had nothing to cover her top half, her stomach was on display for him to see and, despite his comforting words, she became embarrassed. not wanting to make it obvious that she was feeling insecure, she pulled him down to connect their lips together. letting their tongues dance with one another, he lets his hands travel down her sides, moving to spread her legs for him to grind his crotch against her, the sensations leaving them both gasping at how much they'd been neglecting their sexual needs with their petty arguments.

"fuck," she moaned into his mouth which only drove him crazy. god, words couldn't explain how much he loved those sounds she made. he pulled away, going to take off his shirt while she nearly drooled at the sight of it. everything about that man was perfect to her.

"fuck, y/n," he breathed out as he kept rolling his hips against hers, biting his lip to hold back the lewd sounds his body begged him to make. "how am i supposed to go slow when you're this sexy without trying?" his words made her tear up as she covered her face which was now hot with her shyness. the sight of it made his hips stutter, of course only she could bring him that close to climax without doing anything but being her.

he moved away from her, the warmth they shared being the first thing they missed as he pulled her shorts down, throwing it across the room as she leaned forward to pull his sweatpants down enough for him to scoot out of on his own. his cock sprung up, hitting his lower abdomen as she stared at it in all its glory: fully erect, reddened tip glistening with precum. just how she liked it. they both giggled at the fact that they both were intentionally not wearing underwear. "wanted to fuck me that bad, huh?" he smirked, leaning down to connect their lips in a kiss which she smiled in. when he pulled away she smirked back at him.

"i could say the same, baby."

he sucked in a breath, halfway opening his eyes as he began lightly stroking himself, making sure to make eye contact with her. "ah- y/n, you don't know what you do to me," he whimpered as she could only watch him with doe eyes. before he could get too comfortable stroking himself, and before she could get too comfortable watching the show, he rubbed his tip through her folds, then circled her clit (just to make her feel good) before he slowly inserted himself in.

she winced at the stretch, it really had been a while since they last had sex. he bit his lip as he pushed all the way in, unmoving. he moved his hand down, using his thumb to rub on her clit which resulted in her clenching around him. he slightly threw his head back, sighing in content at the feeling. "that's right. keep doing that," he says as he pulls out nearly all the way, only to slam himself back in completely before he decided on a pace. everything about their togetherness was just right. they knew exactly how to make each other feel good. that's what lovemaking to them was. they didn't need to be slow paced or have foreplay or perform oral before they fucked; the love showed in the way they could absorb every essence of each other's being. the way their energies combined and turned them into one.

his pace wasn't too slow, nor was it too fast. it was just enough for her to feel all of him, and it was enough to hit all the right spots, wherever she needed him most. the room was silent except for the small sounds of pleasure they both made, accompanied with the sex sounds their bodies created. he leaned forward, connecting their lips in a sweet kiss, cause everyone knows he couldn't get enough of kissing her. she returned the kiss, tears prickling in her eyes from how good everything was feeling. she loved this. she loved him. "i'm close, baby," he pulled back to announce, speeding his strokes up ever so slightly as he chased his high.

"me too," she announced, this time clenching around him more while her heartbeat only raced, each thrust bringing her closer. he rubbed circles around her clit faster as her moans started becoming more vocal, the pitch raising with each thrust until one thrust finally hit the spot. "ah, jake dont stop," she begged as he sped up to chase his own high. "dont pull out, it's okay! fuck i wanna feel it." he couldn't hold back any longer upon her words, thrusting one last time before he came to a complete stop, filling her with his seed.

"fuck," he breathed out, slowly lowering himself to be on top of her. he scooted so that she could be able to lay her head on his. it wasn't often that jake would stay cuddled up to her after they finished having sex, but he felt like he owed it to her for how shitty he had made her feel without knowing the full story. it wasn't often that he whispered sweet little nothings into her ear while stroking her hair, but tonight (despite their strict forbidden rule of affection) it felt needed. and he was willing to give her anything he felt like she needed. every action and choice he decided to make only further showed that he loved her, in a way.

even though he was sure he wasn't capable of feeling it anymore, this special relationship jake shared with her made all of his doubts about love disappear. he liked y/n. and even though it was something he'd never be able to express or accept it, he'd let his emotions be shown in the moment as they were. and, like most of everything that they did that didn't make sense, it always seemed to work out.

the sun shining through the blinds, accompanied with the unforgiving air conditioning that froze her skin, y/n yawned as she got up, rubbing her eyes. pulling the blanket up to cover her body, she looked next to her for jake, but he wasn't there. she knew that regardless of how affectionate he was last night that there'd be a chance he would still leave during the night, but it hurts to know that no matter what he'd say or do, he'd still be gone in the morning.

her tears start their early morning shift, brimming in her eyes as she pouted at the whole idea of him leaving her altogether. the tears turning into a rainfall of agony as she sobbed to her heart's content, only to be interrupted by her overwhelming need to puke. running to the bathroom she can't make it to the toilet, having to quickly choose between the floor or the sink, her brain choosing the latter of the two.

holding the edge of the sink, her head was bent over so as to not make too much of a mess. she let her first round of puke come up, feeling disgusted with herself for not being quicker. one she was finished she barely had time to recover as she took the chance to run to the toilet, finally being able to vomit there as she originally intended. it hurt and tasted like hell after she was finished, but that of course wouldn't be the end of her misfortune. upon hearing her alarm go off, she realized that she only had 15 minutes to get ready.

snoozing the alarm she immediately dialed chaewon's phone, screaming incoherent words as a weak attempt to ask for help. chaewon's eyes widened as her car's speaker blasted y/n's crying into her ears. "woah, woah, woah!" chaewon said, cutting the girl's screaming off. "talk in a way where i can understand you."

"i keep- i can't stop throwing up, i'm scared i wont be able to make it to school!" she cries out. "please chaewon, i know i ask for a lot but i need you right now," she begs the girl who was only two or three turns away from the university building. as the red light finally turned green, she sighed, making a turn that led her back on the path from where she'd originally traveled to come to school.

"i'm on my way," she lets y/n know, making her way to the nearest drugstore to make a quick purchase. y/n sighs of relief, her tear stained cheeks lifting slightly as she smiled at her friend's support through her hardships.

"thank you, chae," she says, holding onto her now empty and hurting stomach. "i'll make it up to you."

"you don't have to make anything up to me y/n. you need my help, so i'm giving it to you. just please take care of yourself until i get there, i have to make a quick stop, okay?" she says as she gets out of the car, her phone call disconnects from the car and back to her phone.

"okay," y/n sniffles as she begins coughing up a storm, gagging as she tried her best to hold down another load of vomit.

"okay, i'll hang up first. bye."

not waiting for a response, she ends the call and walks into the store. after a quick search, she immediately went over to the corner where the items lay bare for everyone to see. she picked up one of the pregnancy tests, ignoring the looks she felt on her. it was nobody's business anyways. when she went over to the register, older customers gave her judging looks, which she only smiled in return at. as soon as she got to the front, she smacked the box down, not bothering to get any other items as it would just add onto her time in the building.

"what are you hoping for?" the young cashier attempts to ask her kindly, but you can tell she was judging her too. if it had actually been chaewon in this situation where she'd need the pregnancy test for herself, she would have been passive back, but it's not her. so she didn't need to be letting it get in her head regardless of how stressful it was to be here.

"a girl," she puts on a fake smile and enthusiastic voice, praying the kid would hurry up and scan the item. once she was done doing that, she put the item in a plastic bag, quickly handing it to her.

"wishing you the best of luck as a mother!" she says to which chaewon could only nod at as she rushed out of the building and back into her car. now, chaewon wasn't the kind of citizen to speed. she knew it wasn't safe for anyone and honestly she hated it because it never felt nice to her body, especially when she was the one behind the wheels. but after the call with y/n, she had to because she knew how much y/n needed her there.

when she had let herself in using the key that y/n gifted her months ago, she ran quickly to see the girl's head hanging carelessly in the toilet as she barely moved. "y/n?" she asks, going over to her. y/n only hummed in response to assure the girl that she was still conscious. she wanted to talk, but everytime she tried to muster up words, that awfully familiar gagging overpowered her. and she didn't want to go through throwing up again, so she gave up, resorting to laying in her misery as there was nothing more she could do.

"gross, y/n," chewon says as she moves over to the sink where it was filled with her vomit, the scent making chaewon gag a little. she turns the sink water on, going under the sink to get some bleach out in hopes of it helping with washing it down. "you couldn't make it to the toilet in enough time?"

"no," y/n cries out, voice hoarse from all of it already as she gags more, another load of vomit forcing its way up as the scent of her throw up and bleach met her nose. chaewon yelps as she helps the girl throw up smoothly, holding her hair back until her body finally realizes she couldn't throw up anymore, though it was already too late by now.

the cleanup process went a lot smoother than they both expected. chaewon ordered y/n to get a sip of water to soothe her throat while she busied herself with cleaning the sink and the toilet since y/n was already so careful not to make a mess anywhere else. when both of them were finished, they laid on y/n's bed with chaewon stroking y/n's hair, the pregnancy test being the only thing on her mind. she was torn. she didn't know if she should bring it up to her, but it was the only thing on her mind since they first went to her doctor's appointment. she also was scared it would upset y/n. her emotions were unstable as of lately, and she didn't want to be on the receiving end of it, at least not now.

"y/n?" she finally speaks up after a few more minutes of internal conflict about it. y/n hummed in response. "you and jake don't use protection, right?" she asks, making y/n groan annoyed. "don't catch an attitude with me, just answer the question."

"we don't use protection, chaewon."

"okay then does he like, you know, pull out?" she asks further, making y/n stiffen up in embarrassment.

"yes."

"are you sure?"

"yes chae! god damn it," y/n says as she finally catches onto what chaewon was suggesting, blowing off the steam that was building up. it makes chaewon a bit more hesitant, but she has to do this for her; she didn't want y/n to keep living in denial if she didn't have to.

"y/n, i need you to think really hard about this. i get that you're frustrated, but i'm only asking because i want to help you... please. there has to be a time when you weren't sure if he did or not. or maybe he was a little too late to?" she is careful with her words, but they still manage to break y/n's walls down as she bursts into tears upon remembering the one important night she had so carelessly forgotten.

"there was- uh one night," she says. "i don't remember if he'd pulled out soon enough because we were both too tired to be safe about it."

"do you remember when?"

"i think it was sometime last month, but i don't really remember. all I know is that i texted you to hang out the day after because the sleep i got was so good. god chae, i don't even want to think that this could be a possibility," y/n was exasperated. she didn't want to be pregnant. anything but that. but chaewon just kept pushing the idea in her head, making her terrified that it'd be an actual possibility.

"i know, love, but i'm asking this for your own good. now, i have something for you, but you can't freak out okay?" she says as she lifts the girl's head off of her stomach, leaning into her bag to pull out the box she'd purchased.

"okay," y/n says as she looks over to chaewon's busy hands as she puts the box behind her back. "can i see?"

"okay, breathing under control?" chaewon asks. y/n nods. "and don't. freak. out. it's going to be okay," she adds on. y/n nods again as she breathes steadily, her eyes closing as she gathers her senses together without anticipating what chaewon could give her. "keep your eyes closed and just grab the box i'm about to put in your hands.

following her instructions, she gripped onto the box as soon as she felt it in her hands. opening her eyes, she couldn't help but tear up at the sight of it. she knew that her friend would give it to her eventually, but now? she wasn't ready. her grip on the box tightened as she shook her head.

"it's okay, y/n. calm down. breathe, then get up and go take the test," chaewon said, lifting the girl up as another form of encouragement. "no matter what the test says, i'm here with my undying support for you. fighting girl!"

"fighting," y/n sniffles as she goes into the bathroom, leaving an emotional chaewon behind. she sighs, laying down again to stare at the ceiling, her own tears starting to form. it hurt. all of it. from having y/n taking her frustrations out on the girl, down to each tear that spilled from y/n's eyes as she realized her life could truly be changing. she hated seeing her best friend cry, especially knowing that she didn't deserve any of that heartache. it felt selfish to sit and cry about it as if she were the one in y/n's place, but she couldn't help it.

taking a shaky breath, she exhaled in an attempt to calm herself down. she needed to be rational. if this is hard for me, then it must be hell for y/n. she quickly wipes her tears as y/n screams and falls to the bathroom floor, only a few minutes after waiting for the results. chaewon ran into the bathroom, shocked by the solemn scene in front of her. y/n, with shaky hands, held up the test to the girl's face. it was an unmistakable "YES+" on the stick. with widened eyes, chaewon pulled the sobbing girl into a hug. y/n was actually pregnant. and with jake's child at that.

"i don't want it!" she cries out as chaewon nods, quickly removing one arm from her as she began looking up clinics for an abortion.

"okay, i found some clinics," the girl says. "we can set up an appointment when you're all calmed down, okay?"

"okay."

"now let's get you to bed; you look terrible," she helped y/n clean herself up, brushing her tasseled hair into a low ponytail, washing and moisturizing her dry face, putting her pregnancy test into a bag just in case. by the time they were finished, the atmosphere had calmed down and everything seemed okay now that y/n came to terms with her conditions. she was just glad that this would all be over soon.

when the two girls finally got settled down, they decided tonight it'd be best if y/n wasn't left alone. cuddling while watching bojack horseman, talking didn't seem all that important now that y/n had a warm embrace that wouldn't leave her in the middle of the night. she nuzzles her head into chaewon's neck with a yawn. "thank you for taking care of me, chae. i love you." it catches chaewon by surprise, but she just silently smiles, deciding not to say anything since y/n was audibly snoring by now. looking down at her best friend's sleeping figure, she pauses the show and prays to god that y/n, and everything, will be okay.

august 31st. today was the day y/n's life would change forever. she wondered why nobody told her that the drive to the clinic would be so gut wrenching. when she arrives, she signs in for her appointment and sits down to wait. she got a good look around the building. there were many people here, some accompanied by lovers, others with parents, while there was the noticeable few who were alone like she was. the air wasn't as thick as she'd anticipated, but she learned from chaewon that not everyone who went to these buildings were there for abortions. a big part of her was jealous of that because oh how nice would it have been to have been able to find comfort in such a heavy decision. but the other part was thankful; she wouldn't wish this dreadful feeling on her worst enemy, and yet here she was, feeling it to its fullest extent.

chaewon sadly couldn't make it. well, y/n wouldn't allow her to, begging her not to miss any more days. it was a difficult thing to convince her, since she knew chaewon could switch to online school like she temporarily opted to do for a more flexible schedule during her pregnancy until she could put an end to it and go back to her regular classes. she'd already caused chaewon to miss so much, she'd feel guilty if she'd done it again, even if right now all she could do was wish she let herself be selfish one last time because all she wanted was to be comforted by the only person who could possibly understand her problems without judgment. she sighed, sinking down into her seat as she watched the muted television on the screen, praying her turn would come soon so she could get out of this place.

"y/n l/n?" a sweet nurse's voice called out as she looked around the waiting area. y/n's eyes widened as they were met with the nurse's who beckoned her over. her heart was beating fast as she walked behind the lady who was escorting to one of the clinic rooms where she would soon be met with the doctor who would be performing the abortion. being left alone in the room was either one of the best case scenarios right now, or possibly the worst. she could be alone for a second to calm down, or she could potentially break down before the doctor could even speak a word to her. deciding she's already cried enough tears this month, she opted to taking a deep breath to remind herself that this was her decision to make, and this was what she wanted.

"good evening, miss l/n, i'm doctor kim," a voice spoke as it entered the door. y/n turned her head slightly to the woman. she was around her mid-forties, but something about her reminded her of her mother, her aura was comforting in that sense. "i assume you're here to get an abortion performed?"

"yes, doctor," y/n responds, lowering her head since she'd suddenly become afraid to make eye contact with the woman upon the mention of the specific procedure that was soon to be performed.

"oh, miss l/n," the doctor pouted, making y/n look up at her. "before we start, i'm legally obligated to tell you the process before we perform it," the doctor explained as she placed her gloves on with a slight smacking sound. y/n nodded, then the process explanation began. as the words spilled out of doctor kim's mouth, y/n couldn't help but feel sick to her stomach. her brain started zoning out everything the doctor was saying, the only phrase she could hear in her head was her brain telling her to get out. all she could think to herself was i don't wanna do this anymore. what felt like hours, but was only around ten minutes later, the doctor finally brought her attention back with a clap.

"so?" she asks. "are you ready?" offering a comforting smile that made y/n feel anything but. she could hear her heart beating inside her chest, her breathing suddenly drowning out all the noise around her. suddenly everything felt all too much yet nothing at all. she stayed still, trying her best to process her emotions, to state her peace, or to just right out leave.

"i need to use the restroom," she squeaked out, tears brimming in her eyes as she avoided any form of eye contact with the older lady in front of her. doctor kim senses the mood shift and sighs. this was an often occurrence, so she could only understand where the girl was coming from.

"look, kid. abortion isn't for everyone," she says placing her hand on her shoulder. "you're young so you think it's the only option for you, but it isn't. there are lots of good young mothers. you can do this. i don't want you to make a decision you'll end up regretting for the rest of your life. i can see you care about your baby. give them a chance at life, give yourself this chance in life."

y/n frowns, her lips quivering as the building tears spill from her eyes. "i'm sorry," she says, burying her head inside her hands. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes, unsure what she's really sorry for, she just felt like this was all she could say.

"don't be sorry, miss l/n," doctor kim responds, helping the girl to get off her feet, taking her over to the sink to help her get herself together again. "you know, you can always come back again. we give free ultrasounds, i'm sure you'd love to see your little angel growing."

”i'll try my best," she responds as soon as the tears subside. they bid their farewells and just like that, y/n was on her way back home. and, though she felt a huge burden had been lifted off of her shoulder, she was devastated. she had to tell jake.. and that was the biggest burden of it all. exhaustion was the first thing to hit her once she arrived back inside, she was so exhausted that she almost didn't take her shoes off at the doorㅡ almost. she goes to lay down, flopping on her bed to stare at the ceiling. it was weird. this has been the first time she didn't feel the need or want to cry. instead, her brain was doing its best to think logically despite not knowing exactly what to do.

she knows one thing for sure, though: she has to call jake immediately to have him come over to break the news to him, but the problem was that she was scared. she knew without a doubt that jake adored her, but he didn't love her. they were fuck buddies, not lovers, so in terms of what she could expect from him, there was nothing. she was at a complete blank, her only way of finding out would be to put herself in the position to do so. and though she hated the idea of having to do it, it wasn't just some decision she could just back out of. so, she picks up her phone, her hand shaking as she clicks the button to dial his number. the phone rang a few times before his sweet voice sung into her ear. "hello?" he asks, making her fears start to pile up. what exactly was she supposed to say to him?

"can you come over?" she asks, her voice tinier than the sureness she was feeling. "please, like hurry up. i'm sorry for everything, i can't be on the phone too long, just hurry up." upon hearing that, jake's heart broke into pieces. he could barely process what was happening, all he knew was that he was rushing out the door and into his car as he sped to her house. after she ended the call, she released the breath she was holding, getting up to look at herself in the full body mirror. she lifted her tank top up, rubbing her 2 months pregnant belly as a river of relief washed over her. there was something so comforting about the "weight gain" now. and she decided that, no matter what, she was going to keep it. in the midst of admiring her changing body, she jumps upon hearing jake's banging on the door.

he was anxious, thinking the worst upon her sudden call that lacked context, but he didn't want to assume the worst as he was still feeling guilty about what happened last time he'd said his unspoken insecurities aloud. with her heart beating fast, she opens the door and silently lets him in. stay calm, y/n. she keeps reminding herself in her mind as she knew that was the best way to get through this challenge. she ushers for him to sit on the bed, quietly taking a seat next to him but with great distance as she was still fearful. he notices this, so when they finally make eye contact she could see the insecurities blooming through. and it broke her. "i'm so sorry," she bawls out, throwing herself onto him. her tears dont catch him by much surprise, but it doesn't stop him from feeling the emotional toll from them. he is sad, but he accepts the pitiful embrace. she's really done it, he cries to himself, the tears landing on top of her head.

he doesn't even want to ask who, why, or even why he couldn't just be enough for her. he just wants to lie and pretend it's all okay so that she'll stay with him, even if he'll regret it. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes for the hundredth time, to which he once again responds with his verbal forgiveness. she hated it. she hated being a coward in that sense. she hated not being able to tell him of her pregnancy, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. "please don't leave me tonight," she begs as she was scared to wake up without him again because there was no certainty that he'd ever come back. he gulps in an attempt to swallow the lump forming in his throat. it doesn't work. "okay," he responds, not sure of what else he could possibly say to her. how can you comfort someone when you're in need of comfort, too? "i mean it, jake, i can't stand waking up without you, at least not now," y/n admits and it hurts jake. "promise me you'll be here when i wake."

"i promise," he says, determined to fulfill whatever need she asked from him in hopes of her continued loyalty to him. "i'll stay forever if i need toㅡ if you need me to," he says as if his honesty wasn't convincing enough. she knows he doesn't mean it in the way she needs him to, but she still lets his words comfort those unheard doubts that are plaguing her mind. she eventually pulls away, looking him in the eyes as she offers a bitter smile. she brings her thumbs up to wipe his tears away. "there's nobody else, jake," she says, seemingly being able to reassure him without him having to say a word. he sighs, and smiles back at her, choosing not to question the real issue she wanted to bring up to him. if it hurt her that much, he would wait longer to find out. but, to him, nothing could be worse to him than her finding a new man. so he'd be ready to accept and forgive anything else that she felt would burden him.

"let's just sleep," he says, laying down. she nods, moving so that he could lay on her chest. her heart was racing; she could never get used to the feeling he gave her. he smiled at the rate it was going. all of that was for him. oh, if only he knew that all those unspoken feelings were mutual. maybe then things would be easier for the two of them. but, as of right now, they would both continue to suffer in this lovesick state.

it was easy to fall asleep with him like that, and it was even easier to wake up with him in her arms. the sun was shining on them, the AC's temperature was just right for the two of them who had forgotten to get under the blanket, and the air was calm. it was a state of being that she didn't want to leave, but she had no knowledge of his work schedule, so she needed him to be up. she kisses the top of his head shyly. he scrunches his nose while she continues doing it until he moves enough for her to understand that he, too, was awake. "good morning," his voice was groggy as he was still not fully awake. she doesn't respond, letting him get up to freshen up. he walks into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet to go about his business. once he finishes, he flushes and goes to look at himself in the mirror.

his hair was disheveled and his eyes were puffy, but he felt like a million bucks as he smiled at his reflection. "nobody else, huh?" he giggles, smile widening as he applied the soap on his hands to wash them. once he finished washing them, he began drying them off on the towel as he started wondering what she had to tell him last night.

when he goes back out, he finds y/n in the kitchen grabbing some frozen breakfast burritos out of the freezer, the meal that had become one of her recent food obsessions. "baby?" he calls to get her attention, failing to see the smile she cracked as her back was turned to her. she only hums in response as she continues to plate two burritos for herself. "i'm not gonna push you to tell me anything, but i just want you to know that whatever it is that's burdening you, it's something we can get through together. there's nothing that can possibly drive me away from you. i'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to tell me."

her moves falter a bit, but she regains her composure and continues preparing her breakfast. once the microwave beeped, she met him at the table, opting to eat as a way to get her thoughts together, his words ringing through her head as she did so. when she was finished chewing her first few bites, she cleared her throat. "i'm pregnant," her voice held no emotion, so little that you wouldn't be able to tell her nervousness had it not been for her hands shaking as she held the fork midair.

"i-" he paused, not knowing exactly what to say. he was in shock. and, from the looks on her face, he knew that it couldn't be a pregnancy scare because it looked like this has been weighing her down for a while. he knew his reaction to this information would be contrary to his previous words, but he didn't expect it to be this serious. "are you sure it's mine?" he asks, breaking her heart. a huge part of him could believe she was pregnant; everything was starting to make sense from her weight gain to her overly emotional state, all the way down to her eating habitsㅡ he knew she absolutely hated burritos.

"there's nobody else, jake," her voice cracked as she offered him a small smile, the corners of her lips barely lifting as she did so. oh how comforting those words were to hear last night, but now they struck him in the worst ways possible. she looked at him, his expression unreadable as he stared directly through her each time she'd lift her eyes to check his gaze. the cat was already out of the bag, so what's the harm in emptying the mess it left behind? "and i... i want to keep it." he didn't know what to say. he didn't know what to do. and he didn't want to hurt her, but what about himself? he isn't a bad guy. it takes two to get knocked up but-

"i'm not ready to be a father," his words came out quietly, scared that hearing it himself would make the guilt he felt feel worse. and it did. the look on her face when she finally looked him in the eyes, if her glow was already dull, he'd taken it away. the words already did their damage, now he has to stay true to them. he got up from the table, hands shaky as he pushed the chair in without a word and he offers her an apologetic bow as if that could take everything back. "i'm sorry y/n." he didn't know what he expected. who would forgive a deadbeat anyways. she didn't say a word, opting to keep her head down in shame. she stayed that way, not even bothering to move even after she heard the door close behind him, announcing his genuine departure from the home.

-

y/n wasn't nearly as sad as she thought she'd be. chaewon was right, it would hurtㅡ and for a long time it did. "but once you feel okay, even for a second, everything will be okay," she told y/n. and that's what it was, after 2 months of tears, her brain shifted its focus from the pain of his absence to the changes her body was making. she noticed the small bump in which the baby was forming became more noticeable in her shirts. deciding to embrace this, she stopped wearing baggy clothes. and chaewon never failed to remind her how beautiful she looked whenever they'd go out. she noticed she started to gain weight, but it didn't make her upset.

instead of looking in the mirror with disgust, like she had done before she found out about her pregnancy, she spent her lonely nights smiling in the mirror as she rubbed her tummy. her earlier pregnancy symptoms started to lessen, and her eagerness to visit the doctors increased as she was always excited to look at her ultrasound. she no longer dealt with nausea, being able to feed both herself and the baby without fear of regurgitation, but she soon found that her stamina had also begun to change. she spent most of her off days homebound, as moving around too much could easily take her breath away.

"alright, ms.l/n," the doctor says, spreading the ultrasound gel onto y/n's tummy, the coolness giving her chills as its temperature mixed with the cold air that the air conditioner blew. "let's see how this little rascal is coming along, shall we?" doctor kim asks, moving the transducer around as real time images of the fetus started coming onto the screen. y/n tilts her head backwards to look at the screen, smiling at it.

"aww, it's got its thumb in its mouth," she cooed, putting on a happy pout to chaewon who was indulging in the screen as well. taking her eyes off of it, she signaled the doctor's attention while y/n stayed in a daze, watching her baby as it minded its business in her tummy. "are we going to be able to tell it's gender soon?" chaewon asks, making the doctor nod in response. "how long will that be?" she adds on, making the doctor think about how far along y/n was by now.

"we should be able to tell in the next week or so, from what i'm seeing, if its a male, its genitals haven't developed yet, so we'll have to wait to see if any more developments, in that sense, occur," doctor kim says, moving the transducer more around the head area. "we'll have to develop the photos before you leave, miss l/n."

"oh, please, doctor!" y/n exclaims excitedly as she continued to watch the screen. "oh my room is gonna be filled with framed pictures of these!" she claps, making the other two girls in the room smile at her joy. it was a huge change in attitude from what they'd seen just five months before. clapping her hands together, doctor kim begins to clean up the gel and transducer, putting the items away as she begins the printing process for the ultrasound pictures.

once chaewon and y/n left, they decided to go to the store to get more groceries. "i want fruit roll ups," y/n said as she looked at the aisle signs, searching for the one that displayed where the snacks were. once she spotted it, she dragged chaewon, who was holding the cart, directly to the aisle. chaewon could only giggle at her friend with the roll of her eyes. "we gotta get some healthy snacks too, love. how about some nature valley bars?"

"i don't know..." y/n responded. "i just want something sweet and chewy right now, but i could go for some dorito chips right now if you want me to eat something crunchy," she says, mouth watering at the idea of it. "nope. nope, nope, nope, nope," chaewon says, grabbing y/n's hand while she used the other one to steer out of the unhealthy aisle that they'd already stepped foot in. "we're not feeding your baby that junk, let's just stick to fruits, okay?"

y/n grumbles a complaint under her breath, but she complies as they go to the produce aisle. "let's get chocolate syrup, too. for the strawberries," she begged, which chaewon mindlessly nodded to at this point, being too busy putting boxes of berries into the cart. "then go get 'em," she says, shooing the unoccupied girl. y/n nodded as she walked over to the isle where it'd be held. she hummed a nameless tune as she looked around for the brand she wanted. picking up two different bottles, she pouted in thought, turning her head back and forth from them.

hearing a groan out of nowhere, with a familiar base in the voice, she scrunches her eyebrows and turns to where it came from. her heartbeat picked up as a distracted and frustrated jake came into her view, only around 5 feet away from her. just then, she felt a sting in her stomach. "fuck," she cursed to herself. the baby was kicking. she, with shaky hands, quickly threw one of the chocolate bottles back onto the shelf as she waddled away as quickly as possible. it had been so long since she felt the rush jake gave her. she was no longer mad at him because of what he did to her, but she was still pissed off at what he didn't and wouldn't do for their baby. "were you kicking me because you couldn't kick daddy?" she cooed rubbing her stomach as she saw chaewon rolling over to her.

"what about the baby's daddy?" chaewon asked as they began walking side by side. y/n snarled. he really doesn't deserve to be called that. she thought. but she quickly returned to her normal friendly gaze as soon as she met chaewon's eyes. "we, well i saw jaeyun in the syrup aisle, and the baby started kicking me. i think he did it because he couldn't kick him."

"he?"

"huh? oh yeah. i've got a feeling he's a boy, my girl wouldn't use me as her punching bag," she joked as she rubbed where the baby was adamant on kicking about. chaewon smiled at the sight, moving the girl's hand to replace it with her own. it almost brought her to tears as they got into the shortest line. after they'd finished paying and packing the groceries up, they were on their way back to y/n's home.

chaewon shared side glances at the girl while she sang along happily to the tunes that were blasting on the radio. she was starting to realize just how real this was and how far y/n had gotten over the course of this half year. "you're gonna be an amazing mother, you know that?" she says catching y/n by surprise as she stops mid lyric. the radio's volume didn't change, but the world went silent and everything seemed to come to a complete pause as y/n's lips trembled into a small smile, eyes watering as she did so.

in the past six months of her developing pregnancy, she was never told this. of course chaewon has always praised her for her strength, and her parents had offered support though they were disappointed, nobody has ever told her that she'd be a good mother. and, though it's something most mothers would look over, it meant the world to her because she felt like she would be anything but. she didn't realize how long she'd been crying until she no longer felt the car moving as chaewon pat her on the back in a comforting manner. "shh, it's okay. it's okay.. i promise you will be," she says, making the girl's tears pour faster.

"thank you so much," she cried out, allowing her body to milk the tears as she regulated her breathing. "i don't know why that made me cry so much, i think it's been something i've been needing to hear for a long time, you know?" she admitted, sniffling a bit. chaewon nodded, but didn't speak. she realized y/n probably wanted to say more. and she was right. "it's just.. without jake, i didn't think i could do it. i was so ashamed that he didn't want us, i thought that i would end up not wanting the baby, too. but i kept it because i knew that it deserved a chance. and i've been doubtful about my abilities as a mother, thinking i'm not good enough. but hearing that made all of this worth it, i have to be a good mother to it."

"i know, baby," chaewon said, kissing the top of her head. "now let's get you home, okay?" y/n nodded as chaewon restarted the car and finished their journey back to y/n's place. after unpacking the groceries, they spent the rest of that night cuddling while watching a movie on netflix.

-

walking into the store alone, y/n talked to chaewon, who was resting, through one bluetooth headphone in her ear. "do you really think it was a good idea to leave the gender a surprise?" she asks as she pushes the cart aimlessly around the maternity area in target. "mhm.. yeah. no yeah, you're right. well, anyways i'm just at target right now, about to buy some new jeans cause these mom ones are getting too tight... i know! it's ironic. well, i'm not gonna hold you up, you should finish working. okay, bye bye. love you, too." once the call ends, she goes to pick up some jeans. as soon as she finished picking out a pair or two, she rolled her way into the snacking aisle. a part of her was relieved that her stomach wasn't too big for her to be able to push the cart, she enjoyed being alone lately, even though she knew it wouldn't last very long as she only had 14 more weeks to go, and things would only get more difficult then.

picking up two boxes of granola bars, she hummed quietly as her head turned back and forth between the two items. she wondered which one to buy, they were both a personal favorite to her, but she wasn't looking to spend hundreds again, she still hadn't bought a bulk of the baby clothes yet since she didn't exactly know what to buy other than an excessive amount of zoo themed oneㅡ because there's nothing more gender neutral for babies than animal themed clothing. it had only been a mere seconds that she'd been so lost in her decision that she didn't even notice that particular set of eyes that were set on her, guilt building up and rushing through his veins as he stood there frozen in his spot.

jake was carrying a handheld basket. he figured he'd only needed to come to pick up some protein bars and energy drinks, he didn't need a cart. well, now he was regretting it as his grip faltered on the basket making it fall down onto the floor, items flying anywhere they pleased. luckily the boxes only slid a few feet in front of him. however, the protein shake rolled into forbidden territory, that forbidden territory being the area where she stood. his eyes widened and his head lowered as she turned her attention to the protein shake, then to him. he did his best to stall picking up the boxes as he did what he could to avoid looking at her. his hands shook as her shoes appeared in his vision.

"you dropped this, sir," she says. she had a smile on her face, the most beautiful one that he would have been crushed to see drop as soon as they made eye contact, but it did. "oh," was all she could say as he got up, gripping his basket harder as they made eye contact for the first time in a little over half a year. "oh," he responds, his eyes flickering to her stomach. a sudden punch of grief and regret hit him directly in his heart as it seemed to clench with pain. he averted his eyes and looked back into hers, but, again, he wished he hadn't. the tears were already brimming. "oh, oh. no, please don't cry. i'm sorry. please don't cry, please."

"i'm sorry. i'm just so happy to see you," her frown worsened as she squeezes her eyes shut, sobs escaping through her closed mouth while her body only shook as her arms stayed glued to her side. "shit, y/n. don't say that, please," he didn't know what to do. his eyes watered as he hesitated before pulling her in his embrace, the basket long forgotten as it fell back to the floor with a thud. he thought a hug would help, but it just hurt the both of them more. he was warm, exactly like she remembered. she wanted to be closer, to feel more of him but her stomach only allowed him to hold her so much. he felt her belly pressed against his, and it was foreign because it's nothing like the last time he held her and it was just a painful reminder of why he felt so shitty to begin with. "i'm sorry," he says, pulling back all too soon for the both of their liking. "we should leave, i don't want you crying in a target."

he grabs her hand, gently dragging her along as they walked out of the building. "i don't have a car, i ubered here," she says as she tries to keep up with his quickened steps. he nods in acknowledgement, not turning his head to her as he was too scared to look at her again. "i know, baby. we're gonna go in mine." now she was kinda glad he didn't look back at her, because her face had contorted into both a smile and a frown. she was still his baby after all this time, even if he didn't deserve it. once they reached the said vehicle, he opened the door for her, helping her get in as she couldn't climb in as swiftly as she used to due to the big changes in her body. it was kinda cute, the way she needed his help. it made him reminisce the moments that could've been. the times they could've had together if he didn't panic. brushing his thoughts aside, he got in on the driver's side as he began making his way to her place.

after they'd gotten in the house, he had the pleasure of seeing the changes made. in the kitchen, there was a green high chair with leaves scattered on it. when they walked into the living room, there was a fluffed carpet with the abc's accompanied with pictures of animals corresponding to the beginning letter. they walked into her bedroom whose walls were littered with pictures of every ultrasound, the growth of the child becoming more apparent as it continued. everything has changed. and jake wasn't here to experience any of it. he wasn't there to help her through any of it. and he felt so terrible for it.

"wow," was all he could say as he stared at the ultrasounds. she'd long been sitting on the bed, watching him. she had always wondered how she would feel when seeing him again. she wondered how he'd look physically, how he'd look at her, anything. she wondered if she would be angry. she promised herself she'd be angry, that she would lash out at him and spew all the hatred that had manifested these past seven months. but she wasn't angry. and she didn't lash out because.. she didn't want to. she was so happy to see him. and to see how he still cared for her, it healed the wounds that he had left behindㅡ most of them anyways. the room grew terribly quiet as the atmosphere began to suffocate them, engulfing them in the gloom that jake emitted into the air. he let out a shaky breath, his shoulders heaving up and down as his sobs only seemed to elevate in volume.

y/n's eyes widened as she used her step stool to get down from the bed and walk over to him, wrapping her arms around whatever her body could allow her to. he was crying. every single emotion he had pushed down was starting to tear its way through his eyes, lungs, and mouth as he buried his face inside his hands. tears, snots, and spit pooled in the palm of his hands but he didn't care. he wanted to allow himself to feel. but he felt so guilty. he didn't deserve to be comforted by her. cause god knows who was there to comfort her. "i'm sorry. fuck i'm so sorry y/n. i never wanted to leave you. i was just so scared. i was already scared to ruin our relationship. and then you told me and i freaked out. i changed my mind as soon as i walked out but i was so scared to come back because that would be so shitty, but i thought about you every single day. i want to be in the baby's life. i want to be in your life. i'll do anything to fix things. i can't keep living like this. you deserve to be taken care of, both of you. and i want to be the one to care for you."

his words touched every inch of her body, from the top of her head to way beyond her toes. she didn't even realize she was crying until it suddenly became harder to breathe in her nose, the airways being blocked by a sudden stuffiness. she let go of him, going to wipe her own tears off as he wiped his hands off. "y/n? are you okay?" he asked as she finally looked into his reddened eyes. "i waited so long for you to say those words to me. i'm so overwhelmed and happy, jaeyun. please don't leave me again," she begged, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. he didn't even get to respond as he felt her lips graze his. their tears slipped through their lips as the kiss continued. he cupped her face, bringing her impossibly closer as he tried not to apply too much pressure to her stomach. the two of them walked over to the bed, he helped her get up onto the bed where they would lay for the rest of the day.

-

"when does your lease end?" jake asks y/n as he pours himself a bowl of cereal. she shrugs, taking a bite out of her burrito. she tries her best to think about the date she'd need to renew it. "some time at the end of this month, why?"

"i want you to move in with me," he says, making her choke on her food. she coughs up the remaining pieces out of her throat as she drinks water to calm down the new burning sensation. "well, my lease ends in two weeks. i've been saving up money so we can have enough for a down payment on a better apartment. what do you think about that?" he asks, sitting across from her. she was frozen, chewing her new bite from the burrito more than it needed to be. this was all so sudden. sure, she had wanted this for a long time, but she didn't think it would happen even in her wildest dreams. it just all felt so unreal. "am i overwhelming you?" he sighed.

"no," she said after swallowing the food. "i'm just- i don't know. i just.. think there's levels to this and this is skipping a lot of them," she says. he purses his lips and thinks about it for a second before nodding in agreement. "you're right. but i think it should be fine because it's what i would've done anyways. this is making up for lost time. i have to step up as a father, and this is what fathers are supposed to do," he says. "look," pulling out his phone, he opens safari and slides his phone over to her. she looks at the screen. it was an apartment with a lovely view of the city. "only a 15 minute drive from the university and it's close to a lot of the businesses in the area. i could get it now, or we can go and do a tour and-”

"you'd really want to move in with me?" she asked, looking up from the phone. he tilted his head to the side at her. insecurities were apparent, making him realize she was still wary of the whole situation. understandably, he smiles at her with his eyes and nods his head. "of course, baby. we're making a family together. i think living together makes more sense," her posture relaxes as she smiles slightly. a family, huh? she looks through the pictures more: 3 beds, 2 baths. would he want to make more with her? there's so many 2 bedroom apartments in the same area, why not choose those? she wanted to ask him, but everything was happening too soon. and she didn't even tell chaewon that she allowed the boy back into her life yet. "i think it's fine," she says, sliding the phone back over to him. "this is good. i have no idea how i could possibly fit all of everything that i wanted to give the baby into this small apartment anyways."

"okay, then. you can say hello to our new home," he exclaims as he puts his phone in his pocket. "i gotta get to work soon, so i'll be off before your last class ends. i'll pick you up then?" he finishes off the rest of his cereal, sliding the bowl, with its sugary milk, over to her.

"oh," y/n says as she looks down at the gesture, taking the spoon out as she silently sips on the liquid before talking again as if she were embarrassed to continue her sentence. "i actually am doing the online learning course, i figured it'd give me more time to tend to the baby." even with the small laugh she let out, it was evident that she wasn't happy like, the gesture was meant to be. jake nods his head as he gets up.

"then i'll come back with some dinner, let me know what you're craving before 8:30," he says, checking his pockets for his keys. while walking out of the kitchen, he takes one last glance at her before letting out a breath and leaving. y/n stays there for a while as she lets the silence engulf her. there were always so many things to think about when she was alone these days, but today the one thing on her mind was chaewon and what exactly she was going to tell chaewon.

a big part of her wasn't ready to talk about jake yet as she wasn't completely sure if she was dreaming or not, but the other part knew better than to doubt anything that happened to her anymore. and it knew she would have to tell chaewon one way or another. even if she didn't owe it to her, she felt like she deserved to know because she was there for her every step of the way. having jake would take this burden off of her shoulders, but y/n was immensely afraid that chaewon would be disappointed in her. how weak was she as a mother to take back the same man who turned his back on their child? very weak. but she wanted nothing more than for her child to be brought up in a warm and loving family with both of its parents because she believed that jake and she would be good ones, regardless of his initial response when he learned of the pregnancy.

"okay," y/n says as she finally gets up. "clean up first, tell chaewon after," she grabs the plates bowl, and utensils from the table as she walked over to the sink. one by one, she rinses the dishes off, one time, two times, three times before she opens the dishwasher to put them inside. she wanted to manually wash, but it would be putting too much pressure on the front of her stomach from having to reach over the sink for that long, so she reluctantly used the machine. after she finished that, she got the broom and began sweeping the floor. being too lazy to mop, she resorted to sweeping the living up as she did what she could to slow time down. but doing chores wasn't easy with her stamina, so after around 20 minutes of stalling, she decided to plop down on the couch and text her friend.

upon receiving y/n's message chaewon raises an eyebrow, but types out a reply nonetheless. she figured it was something important or something that was bothering because usually y/n would call. as she made her way to the car, she let her unspoken anxiousness run rampant through her mind about what could possibly be bothering her friend. while y/n stared at chaewon's notification, all that could be heard in the silent living room was the tapping of y/n's foot. she clicked her phone off, taking a deep breath as she waited for a few minutes.

telling chaewon about the situation proved to be easier than y/n's doubts had originally convinced her it would be. of course, chaewon's expressions showed hesitance for the whole ordeal, but at the end of the day she knew it wasn't her choice to make. and even though she wanted to beg her not to let him come back so easily, she offered her hand in support. and jake proved to be thankful; the day they all decided to meet up at y/n and jake's new shared apartment for some final touches, he conveyed his gratitude to chaewon. he thanked her for everything in the book that he could think of, especially for taking care of her in place of him and for staying by her side through it all.

"you know," jake said to chaewon as they looked at y/n's sleeping figure on the bed. she'd gotten tired after her day of fun with them. she'd just knocked out mid laughter, resulting in her innocent slumber while the other two conversed. "it's times like this where i wish i stayed. most guys, when they find out their girl is pregnant, just run off and marry her before the bump even starts showing, but me? i ran off like a deadbeat and hid in my bedroom scared. i should've been a man and stepped up to be a father sooner. you know, i saw her again, like- pregnant at a target. just shopping alone. i know how people think out here, i saw how people were looking at her before i came to her side. i can't imagine how much she had to endure before then. i feel so guilty. like i don't deserve to be here."

chaewon listened intently to his words, seeing the way he teared up over it. she hesitantly reached out to hold her hand on top of his, that action alone feeling like betrayal as he stiffened upon her touch, but she only wanted to comfort him. she swallowed before she spoke. "it's too late to change the past, you're here now."

"yeah. i suppose you're right," he removes his hand from hers as he nods and she didn't know why it upset her as much as it did. clearing her throat, she got up from the bed. "i should go now, right? it's late and i have class tomorrow," she smiles softly patting her pants to smoothen them. jake nods and gets up as well as he says "i'll walk you to the door."

"oh! that's not necessary," chaewon shakes her head, but he insists as he follows her to the door.

"i have to lock you out, so either way i have to come out here," he says, making her mentally face palm at herself. she'd read too much into the situation of course. it was silent as she walked out the door, turning around with her hands clasped together. jake raises an eyebrow silently. "hm?"

"her due date is coming soon. i'm going to step down from being her main support from now on. i want to prioritize my life now, so please fulfill that empty spot for me," she says, walking away before he could muster up a reply.

-

y/n's screams of pain filled the room as the doctors did everything in their power to talk her through the birth. her grip on jake's hand was painful, but he endured it because she was probably feeling worse than he was.

"that's it, ms.l/n, we can see the baby's head poking through now, just keep pushing, keep breathing," doctor kim says, but nothing registers to y/n as she keeps her eyes squeezed shut, tears flowing down her face as she sobs out.

"chaewon!! chaewon-ah, it hurts s-so bad," she brings her free hand to cover her eyes, wiping what she could. jake stays silent, only offering her a chaste kiss on top of her head, then on one of her tear stained cheeks. he couldn't be upset in a moment like this. right now, all he wanted to do was comfort her until this passed through.

"almost there and .... it's a boy!" hearing her son's cries fill the air was the first thing to bring her back to life. her soul felt like it was floating outside of her body until that point, but hearing the first sounds he's been able to make since leaving her womb, pulled her all the way back in. and feeling him in her arms for the first time made all of the pain and hardships she faced worth it. "jaemin," she whispered to the baby boy, whose cries seemed to subside once he felt his mother's touch. "you'll take the 'jae' from your father," jake's ears perked up as soon as he heard it. "look jaeyun," she turned to him with a smile. he looked down to see their baby, sleepily cooing while they both looked at him with nothing but adoration in their eyes.

"he's beautiful," was all jake could think to say. and it was true, jaemin was beautiful. even though he was covered in gunk and y/n's blood, he was beautiful. doctor kim watched silently for a few minutes before she felt it was alright to take jaemin away to wash him up.

"don't worry, i will bring him back to you after you all get your deserved rest, it was a long 15 hours, but you did it!"

"mhm, i sure did do it," y/n said, her eyes fluttering while she tried her best to stay awake during her tired state. after the doctor left with jaemin, jake wasn't sure of what to do. he scratched the back of his neck, sitting down in a chair while y/n closed her eyes. the room was a comfortable silence at that point, y/n's small breaths bringing the calm to a maximum. "jake?" she whispered, not thinking to speak louder through her drowsiness as jake looked up from his phone over to her. "yeah?"

"can you please sleep with me?"

his heart raced as he looked at her.

"yeah."

-

"that's a good boy, that's a good boy," jake tickled jaemin's stomach as the 4 month old baby boy cooed, using his small hands in an attempt to grab at his father's.

"he's not a dog jake," chaewon giggled as she watched the two boys. she sat on the couch next to y/n who was lying down, her back facing the group.

"hey, babies can be good boys too," jake argued in his baby voice, his attention still being on the baby he was rocking slightly in his arms

"that's fair," chaewon agreed, rubbing her stomach upon its sudden growling. "you guys hungry?" she asked, opening up her phone to ubereats.

"eh, i could eat," by now jake had gotten bored of standing up, instead he sat down with jaemin whose head was now being held up by the crease in jake's elbow while he sat at a respectable distance from chaewon.

"me too," chaewon says as she scrolls through the tabs on the app, being pulled in by all the food options that it offered. she hummed and slightly turned her head over to y/n who only remained silent, eyes focused on the closed curtains of their living room window. "how about you, y/n?"

letting her eyes focus on multiple spots of the room in front of her, it almost felt like she was searching her surroundings for an answer. but there was none. "i'm not hungry," she finally chose to respond before it was too obvious that she was still avoiding speaking.

"aw c'mon since when are you not hungry? you should be taking advantage of being able to eat whatever you want now that jaemin's outside of your body!" chaewon says, lightly nudging her friend's body, though the girl still didn't respond.

"well..." jake's voice suddenly piped into the conversation. "she's breastfeeding, so she still has to be cautious of the nutrients and junk she gets. can't have our baby being unhealthy, now can we?"

now it was jake's turn to be nudged. "aw c'mon, he'll be fine with a little tacos in his baby system! i'll order some now, matter of fact," chaewon said as she typed in 'tacos' in the app's search bar.

"alright, but none of that taco bell, we need the organics."

"well you're not gonna find that in korea.."

"fair enough," jake says as he gets up from his seat on the couch. "let's just go get some. y/n needs some alone time with jaemin anyways, we've basically stolen him away from her. isn't that right, baby?" he says, booping the boy's nose. he walks over to y/n, gently moving her shoulder in a way that would lay her on her back. she closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him as he placed jaemin on her, a heavy feeling forming in her stomach. he pouts, sympathizing with her tiredness as he places a kiss on both her and jaemin's head. "we'll be back," he says as he and chaewon quietly head out.

she only opens her eyes after she hears the door shut and lock. looking down, she sees jaemin fighting sleep as he is so at peace with her warmth, and it's only then that she's brought back to reality. the guilty feeling she would always get once she would hold him would come back again and she begins to ask herself why she was feeling the way she was.

carefully, she maneuvers herself so that she can hold him properly in her arms with a sigh. "god damn it, jaemin. why am i like this? i don't hate you, i know i don't. but why does it feel like this sometimes?" his lack of understanding towards her words makes her feel a little better, he dribbles and gives her a gummy as she kisses the top of his head. "i'm sorry, baby. i don't like feeling like i can only love you when it's just the two of us alone. this isn't how a mother should feel. you deserve better than me." closing her eyes, she slightly sways her body to become a human rocking chair to soothe him more than her warmth could do on its own.

"can you believe it's only been four months since he's been born?" although jaemin was nearing half a year of being with them now, jake already loved the boy enough to be able to talk about him nonstop for hours on end. he even went back to work early just to be able to brag about how healthy and strong his son would turn out to be. there'd even be nights where he and y/n would sleep with jaemin, and she'd wake up to see him have his back facing her, while jaemin would be carefully cuddled up to him on the other side. it was no secret that he loved his baby so much at times it'd be suffocating, for y/n at least. even when their parents came over to visit, they'd joke and say he must have been the one to give birth to jaemin instead of y/n.

even now, as the couple lay in bed, it felt awkward for jake not to have jaemin with them. it had been a mutual decision of theirs to have him sleep in his crib as sleeping in between two very active sleepers could potentially be dangerous. even now as they both faced each other, faces being dimly lit by their tv, his mind seemed to stay focused on the baby who was asleep in the next room as the smile on his face never faltered. y/n looked into his eyes, smiling back. she felt at ease being able to be so close with him without having to worry about keeping distance between their bodies for the sake of jaemin. it was refreshing. but she thought it'd be better if he would shift his focus to her, even if it was just for tonight. after these four long months of neglect, it's the least he could do for her.

yet, somehow his conversation regarding the boy never seemed to end. so, taking matters into her own hands, he put a finger to his lips, giggling as he finally grew silent. "you have work in the morning. sleep," she says, and he nods, the smile on his face staying the same.

"i must be keeping you awake huh?"

y/n hummed in response, using her thumbs to gently caress his face as he melted into her touch. "okay, then let's sleep," he said, gently removing himself from her hold so that he was laying on his back as sleep seemed to come over him quickly. she guessed it was easier to tire when it came to her. she turned her back to face him as she reminisced the days he would stay up and talk to her. she so naively thought that moving in together would bring them closer; it wouldn't be surprising if she woke up to an empty spot in the bed when she'd wake up later.

-

"i'm happy you're here, but you shouldn't have switched to online classes just to be able to see me everyday," y/n said as she changed jaemin's diaper, the boy kicking his chubby feet at her in protest to the cold baby wipe she swiped on his bum as she attempted to rid him of his potty mess.

"oh please," chaewon says as she waves a ringing teddy bear in front of the baby's face to offer a distraction for y/n to finish more smoothly. "going in person was only fun because you were there, plus i love that i have more time to see my best friend and my beautiful nephew!"

"he is beautiful, isn't he?" she said as she put the boy in his diaper, his hiss of fits finally coming to an end as she rocked him back and forth in her arms. "he looks so much like his daddy, too."

"well, i see the both of you in him," chaewon says, laying on her shoulder with a content sigh. "it's so crazy how much he's matured since he came back. i honestly held a grudge against him, but now i think you caught the stars with him. he's an amazing father," chaewon finishes, raising an eyebrow when she hears a small sigh coming from her friend. "what's wrong?"

y/n's complaint is simple. when chaewon asks her, she admits, "he's a good father, and he takes such good care of jaemin, of course, but i just wish he'd take care of me too, you know? he used to have real life feelings for me, now it just feels like i'm nothing more than a mother to him, now that he's a father." she prayed to god that she didn't sound jealous of her own baby. how pathetic that would be of her.

"baby... i'm sure this is just a first time parent thing. he's excited about the baby you guys made. i would be too, i mean, look at him! he's adorable," her eyes scan the baby's features, smiling softly at the sight before her. "don't forget what you feel for him too, though, okay? you love jaemin that much too, right?" it was something y/n never thought about. deep down she knew she had to love jaemin. she knew somewhere inside her heart that she adored him, and there were even times where she wanted to spend every waking moment with him, but she wasn't happy. or at least not in the way she thought she would be.

when she was first pregnant with jaemin, all she could ever think about was how badly she wanted to hold him. how badly she wanted to meet him and love him the way she knew best, but nothing she ever did with him felt like the magic she wanted. if anything, she was pretty miserable all the time. all the responsibility was pushed onto her, nobody else dealt with his crying, nobody else fed him, changed his diaper, anything. everyone got the luxuries of being around him while she did all the work.

she hated it, but that's what she was supposed to do, isn't it? she was supposed to care for her child while jake went to work to make sure they all got fed & taken care of. she couldn't possibly expect chaewon to pitch in, it wasn't her child. but she felt lonely, and even though it hurt her physically, mentally, emotionally, she couldn't just stop taking care of the boy. he was her responsibility. no matter what she did.

and she tried so hard to not direct those malice feelings towards him, but there's a big part in her brain that blames him. chaewon notices the silence and it tells her everything she knows. "a lot of things can happen to your emotions postpartum, y/n. there is help that you can get to get you through this. don't be mad at yourself for feeling sad, it's normal."

"yeah... i'm sorry. i just don't know how to cope with this stuff." chaewon shakes her head fondly and pulls the girl into a side hug, patting her back gently until she lets go again.

"don't be. i'll look into getting you help, but for now i'll look for temporary remedies." she smiles and kisses her cheek affectionately, pulling away once more before walking out of the room. "get some rest. we can talk more later, okay?"

y/n nods silently and watches her walk out of the room, deciding to put the baby to sleep in his room before she goes into her own to do the same.

chaewon's temporary remedy was one of the best gifts y/n could have ever wished for. it took some days, but she convinced jake to take y/n out on a proper date. after 4 months of solely focusing on raising the baby, the two of them are finally getting some alone time together. and y/n could not be any happier. he scheduled a shorter work day so they could go out sooner, and she spent the whole day getting ready. she had lost half of the baby weight, and due to the practices she followed to recover from the birth, her body looked almost the same as it had pre-pregnancy. she did her makeup as best as she could, threw on a matching velvet two-piece, and she even deep cleaned the house so it would look and smell good when he would arrive home.

when he came home, he barely had time to hug her and admire the way she looked as her hands were both already occupied. one hand held jaemin's sleepover bag, while the other held the sleepy baby in his car seat. raising his eyebrow, she only offered him a smile. "i'm ready whenever you are," she said, but he only laughed.

"i have to get ready too," he said, walking into the direction of the bedroom to do just that. the home was silent apart from the shower sounds as she sat on the couch. jaemin was in his cradle playing with the mobile that hung above his head. she didn't know exactly how much more patient she could be. now that she knew what the night had in store for her, she couldn't stop thinking about it; that made the wait so much more difficult to endure.

it felt like hours before jake came out of their room. his jet black hair was parted in the middle, partially slicked back on one side while his outfit consisted of a silk maroon button up with silk black pants and black loafers. her eyes couldn't help but widen as she looked at him. yep. they needed to leave fast. in the blink of an eye, she was carrying both jaemin and his bag, following closely behind jake as they walked to the car.

the drive was quiet as jaemin had fallen asleep in the back. jake's focus was on the road, while y/n's eyes were on him. after they dropped jaemin off at chaewon's place the plan was to go out to eat, but as they approached the highway that would lead to where the closest restaurants were, y/n started feeling a heavy feeling in her stomach.

"um, jake?" she says, lightly putting her hand on his shoulder. he turns his head slightly to glance at her before turning his attention back to the road. "how hungry are you? like hungry hungry, or just 'eh, i guess i could eat' kinda hungry?" she asks, making him cock and eyebrow.

"the second i guess, why? are you not hungry?" he asks, finally being able to turn to her when they hit a red light. she nods without saying anything. "not gonna lie, i went through hell getting that reservation. eating just a little won't hurt, right?"

"i'm sorry but my stomach hurts really bad..."

"y/n," jake says, pulling over to the side of the road so he could look at her while they spoke. "do you just not want to eat?" she doesn't speak back this time. he sighs, rubbing his temples as his other hand grips on the wheel. "fine. we don't have to go, i'm not doing this with you tonight," he says, his tone void of anything, but she could tell he was annoyed. he turns the car back on and pulls back onto the road, looking for the nearest place to turn around. this time, the quietness of the ride was uncomfortable. she didn't want to be in it, but she was afraid to speak; she wouldn't know what to say anyways.

instead of taking the route that would lead them home, he takes a turn that would lead to where they had come from: chaewon's house to which y/n begs him not to. "why are we going to chaewon's house?" she asks.

"we're picking jaem up?" he says like it's the most obvious answer.

"please no!" her voice was desperate, more desperate than he needed to hear. "it's just- i don't know when we'll ever get time like this again. i don't want to lose out. please."

"okay."

he takes a left, starting the journey to go their way home. his speed is faster than normal. she notices and doesn't like it, but she does her best to ignore it since she was getting what she wanted in the end. when they walked into their shared home, she was glad she cleaned up nicely because the atmosphere felt calmer than it would have been if the house was still a baby mess.

y/n thought she'd feel better, but her mood only worsens when she realizes jake still is upset. he goes over to the couch, flopping backwards onto it as he rested his head on the head of it. he unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt with a sigh. she walks over to him with extreme caution, sitting next to him.

"are you alright?"

he just shrugs, mumbling under his breath, "this was pointless, if we were just gonna come back home." she purses her lips, biting back a frown.

"not completely pointless! it's nice to get a break from being a parent once in a while."

"for who?" he responds, "i have no problem being a parent, do you?" he turns to her, a look in his eyes daring her to say something. and it should make her intimidated, but for some reason it only blows her off the edge she was already doing her best to stay balanced on.

"would i be such a villain to say i do?!" she finally screams at him, the sudden change in volume catching him by surprise. "jesus christ, jake. i just don't get what's so special about him." her words spew a hatred she didn't know she could have at her own child and it angers jake more than any angry words could possibly explain.

"him? HIM?!? you mean our child?!?!"

y/n dodges the question as tears start to flow down her face. he looks at her in disbelief as he gets up from where he's sitting to walk away to create some space between them, but she only follows behind him, her built up frustrations finally clawing their way out her throat as she spoke. "all you care about is him; you're becoming nothing more than a dad, now and it's so. fucking. miserable!"

"well what the fuck do you want me to do, y/n?" he slams his fist against the wall, making her flinch. a split second of humanity was able to hit him again as he pinched his temples, a deep sigh being exhaled. "i'm not going back to being a deadbeat. i'm not going back to feeling burdened by my own decision. he's my son. our son."

"yes, jake. believe me. i know he's yours," she pauses, the lump forming an unbearable pain in her throat as she opens her mouth to speak again. "but am i?" she wanted to be strong. in all the scenarios where she had imagined she would be able to express her feelings, she was sure she'd be strong. it wasn't a phrase she had intentionally practiced for the hundreds of what-ifs her brain conjured, but it was the only sentence that could convey the hurt she had been feeling in her heart.

she cleared her throat, deciding not to let the silence last a second more. "aren't i supposed to be loved, too? don't i matter, too?" her attempt to keep her composure crumbled as she broke out into sobs. she knew it was supposed to hurt, but did it have to hurt this bad? she'd endured this feeling of unbelonging for such a long time, the least her heart could do was make it hurt less.

"y/n-" she hears him interrupt himself with a sigh as he walks towards her, pulling her into an embrace and resting his head on hers. he didn't know how to comfort her. there wasn't an easy way to put into words everything he felt for her, especially since it all came with emotions he didn't fully understand. "you matter so much to me. so fucking much, y/n. more than i can ever explain." he wrapped his arms around her tighter and she returned his affection, burying her head in his shoulder.

"please promise me that you mean it. please promise you won't forget about me " her voice wavered as she spoke, and he noticed how badly she was shaking. he wanted so badly to tell her how he felt, but he didn't know where he stood. they were never together. even if they both loved each other, it was never expressed because their situation didn't allow them to in the past. now things had changed, and he didn't know how they were gonna handle it.

"i promise." he whispered, hoping it would be enough.

she pulled away, wiping the tears from her face as she looked up at him. he gently smiled down at her, placing his hand on the side of her cheek, brushing her hair back from her face. she leans forward, wrapping her arms around him as she looked him in the eye. he smiled down at her, heart beating faster as he swallowed all his fears to express himself. "i love you, y/n, i'm sorry for pulling away instead of accepting it." the words caught her off guard, this was the first time he'd ever said such a thing to her. and it was better than she could've ever imagined.

tears spilled from her eyes as her lip quivered, she nodded understanding before pulling him into a kiss. she didn't know how long it'd been since they last kissed and it lasted only a second before she pulled away. "i love you too jake."

in an instant, his lips were back on hers, only pulling away long enough for him to look her in the eyes with a smirk as he asked "oh, do you?" their kiss grew sloppy as he lightly wrapped his hand around her neck, guiding her to the couch as he maneuvers himself so that he's sitting first. he pulls her on his lap, hands making their way to her waist as she grinded her hips against his growing erection, letting her tongue slip through his lips as he began sucking on it. he moved his hands up, fumbling with the zipper on her top before zipping it down fully. once he'd done that, she slipped out of it, her breasts falling down with a bounce before he latched his lips onto one of them, sucking slightly before releasing it with a loud pop.

there was no need to rush this time, they had the house all to themselves. their kiss lasted what felt like hours, only the sound of lips smacking and clothes rubbing against each other could be heard. jake pulls back for air, moving to unbutton his shirt. she only watches him intently wondering how he could make a simple action so, so sensual. he notices her stares and he likes it. his dick twitches and he realizes that, though the kissing and grinding is amazing, he wanted more. so much more.

"you gonna put those pretty lips to use or are we just gonna play around all night?" he asks making her eyes widen in excitement as she moves off of his lap to lay on the couch, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants before pulling them down to his mid thigh as she immediately latched her lips around the tip of his cock.

he sucks in a breath as she swirls her tongue around it, scooting down in his spot as he relaxed under her touch. "yeah, just like that," he praises as he pushes her head down so she can take in all of his length, fucking deeply into her mouth, not allowing her to come up even when she tapped on his thigh, gagging around him. "mmm, that's right." he finally let her come up to breathe, moving his hand to notify her that he wanted her to take control. she used the spit around his cock to her advantage as she let her mouth sink down until she felt his tip hit the back of her throat, doing her best to keep bobbing her head that way.

he hums and pats her butt, lifting her hip slightly to tell her to lift it more into the air. he does his best to pull her skirt off, letting her wiggle her way out of it, standing on her knees as he moves her panties to the side as he dipped his fingers into her wetness, adding two fingers. he sped up his thrusts, adding another finger as she kept going, teasingly stopping every time she would moan to the point of being inaudible. her legs started to shake as she resorted to only sucking the tip as she couldn't suck him any better with the way she couldn't stop moaning.

"get up and ride me," he tells her. she quickly obeys and inserts him inside of her, hopping up and down as she does her best to ride him, though her speed is slow. he smacks her ass, squeezing it harshly before spreading her cheeks apart. "good girl.. do you like making daddy feel good?" he asks as he grabs her chin and pulls her in for a kiss, this time letting it turn french. she moans into it, the lengths of his cock hitting her g-spot without fail every time she'd drop down. it made her speed and movement falter forcing him to grab her by her ass, lifting her body higher as he begins fucking into her, leaving her an absolute mess as she entangles her fingers into his hair breaking the kiss to moan in her ear.

"you feel so fucking good around me, but now's not the time to be a pillow princess," he again still praises as she tries to meet his thrusts. she has to take her hands out of his hair as she grips her nails into his shoulder, unable to fully process the pleasure her body was taking in. with the way her pussy clenched around him partnered with the pain from her fingernails digging into his skin, he couldn't help but be vocal about it. "you just wanna get pregnant again huh? you want me to fuck my seed into you again? you want me to reclaim this pussy? huh? you like that?"

squeezing her eyes shut, y/n just couldn't hold back anymore as she falls apart on top of him her first orgasm taking over all her senses, legs trembling from the feeling as she starts babbling between moans. he laughs as she rests her head on his shoulder, words still not forming correctly. "spit it out," he says as he slows his thrusts down ever so slightly so she could speak. she didn't know what came over her as she moaned out again, another orgasm hitting her as she came undone once again. she looks at him with a fucked out expression and says "faster."

his dick twitches as he complies, pounding deeper into her, feeling cocky, and only speeding up as he speaks praises into her ear. "you're so good to me, fuck y/n. you're gonna have to deal with me forever.. i'm not letting anyone even dream of having a chance with you. you're mine, all mine you understand?" she nods. "keep letting me fuck you like this and you're gonna be my wife sooner."

hearing this makes her moan louder as she smashes her lips on his, he keeps his speed, sometimes thrusting all the way in, staying there for a second too long for her liking, just to drive her crazy as she comes undone another time, finally making him start reaching his own pleasure limit. he doesn't change his speed or actions as he finally buries himself deep inside of her as he filled her with his hot seed. "you're mine," he says as she falls limp on top of him in exhaustion. she smiles and for the first time in months, she felt all the weight lifted off of her shoulders.

"all yours."

end.

[strangemaleswaps]

Strange Beach Body Swap 2

"Are you ready for this?"

"I sure hope so, I'm a little nervous to be honest."

"It's ok. I'll be there for you…just like 20 feet away or so."

I threw on a pair of khaki shorts, my sandals, and headed out the door. Luckily I lived in a condo right next to the beach so I didn't have to walk very far. It was nearly noon - the time we planned to meet up.

2 years ago, I was a college sophomore stuck in a fraternity with asshole frat brothers. That was until I met this weird old man at the beach. He swapped our bodies and I was thrust into his fat beach bod. It wasn't the worst thing ever, though. He was working on pumping his nipples and with how sensitive they were, I discovered what a nipple orgasm felt like. It was crazy good! Since then I continued what he started, and had been pumping my nipples every day. They're huge now! I go for that nipple orgasm all the time. I love it!

But I was still a fat old man for the next 2 years so that did a number on my self esteem at first. I had a whole six pack abs before, along with a perfect body, so nothing I did could compare to that. But I made a few changes that were more my style. I got my ear pierced and grew a goatee. Afterall, old guys really only look good with facial hair. I was balding too so I decided to shave my head entirely, as well as razor it so I could be fully bald.

The one thing I didn't account for was how fat this guy was. He was already pretty chubby when I initially swapped, but I was happy to be free of my strict diet plan. I know I wouldn't look as good as I did before no matter how much I exercised or ate right, so I just stuck with how I was. It wasn't until a month or so that I realized he must've been working out prior to the swap because I noticed an increased weight gain. I still didn't care though, and just let myself go. I went from borderline obese to full on obese. My man tits ended up hanging out a little more and my gut drooped a little lower. My overall body was wider and soon enough I found myself waddling instead of walking.

But none of that mattered in the end because a couple of months after the swap, I met Chase. I decided to go to the bar one day, after finally gaining the confidence to do so. He approached and complimented me on my looks, which surprised me. I guess he had a thing for big guys. We talked a bit and I fell in love with him soon after that. When I told him who I actually was, he believed me right away. I guess with how quirky he is, he's the type that knows everything isn't what it seems.

Since the old man took over my life, I took over his. He was retired and didn't have much going for him, except this sweet condo right next to the beach. It had a king size bed, where Chase and I fucked for the first time. I'm gonna miss this place actually; it was nice. The old man called me a few days ago, scheduling the time for the swap back at noon today. I don't know how he did it originally so I asked Chase to spy on us from a short distance away to see what actually happens - and to make sure he doesn't bail!

We walked outside the condo and hugged one last time, his skinny frame being smothered by my flabby rolls.

"Good luck Ty! I love you!"

"Love you too!"

We split off and I stood around waiting for somebody that looked like me to appear. He said he would wear the same swimsuit he wore 2 years ago - the blue one. I couldn't wait to see how it all went. He thought he could do a better job at standing up to my fraternity brothers and giving me a better reputation so I hope he kept his word! It'll definitely be a weird feeling, returning back to my old life. But he would've graduated for me by now, so at least I don't have to see those idiot frat brothers anymore. And I had Chase of course! He said he would love me no matter what I looked like.

I was looking in the direction of the ocean when I spotted someone wearing the swimsuit I was looking for. I waddled closer to him, and realized that it was my old body. Something was different though - he gained weight! Alot of weight to be exact. My abs were completely gone! Sure he was far from obese, but his belly stuck out and the pecs I once had were soft and fleshy. It looked like he kept my basic appearance the same though, with the exception of a little chin beard. It was weird though, I recognized him for sure, but I didn't really feel like he used to be me. It'd been such a long time that I no longer associated his body with my identity.

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself! How have you been?"

"I suppose it wasn't that bad. That nipple orgasm is something else."

"I can see that. You've been pumping them, haven't you?"

"Yep."

"Good. Good."

"So how did you gain weight that fast? The fraternity would've kicked you out with the slightest bit of fat, but you must've ditched them only a few months ago." His face dropped.

"Well…"

"Well?" No..don't tell me…

"I uh kinda got kicked out…2 years ago."

"What? What the fuck did you do?"

"I tried to be assertive and well, I guess I was more like aggressive. Got into a fight and they kicked me out. Geez, young people are so sensitive now!" I was in disbelief. He didn't improve my life at all, he ruined it!

"Did you…at least graduate?" Please say yes; oh my god.

"Er..no. I kinda just dropped out after that. College is hard!"

"What have you been doing the past 2 years then?!"

"Just getting by really - working, sleeping, jacking off. What I was really doing before. Well, actually I lost my job a few weeks ago."

I can't believe this. What am I going to do once I go back? I'm a college dropout, unemployed, and I can't even use my fit body to do modeling or anything! I didn't want him to know how upset I was in fear he wouldn't swap us back, so I swallowed my anger and changed the subject.

"Well, I guess we better swap then. How did you do it last time?"

"Simple spell. Just lay down and close your eyes." I slowly lowered myself and plopped down on my ass, all my rolls jiggling with the impact. I then lied down for a minute. When I opened my eyes, I was looking at the same fleshy mountain I was used to. What gives? I got up and found the old man talking with Chase.

"That's my boyfriend and you need to swap him back!"

"Boyfriend huh? How the hell did he score with that gross body? I hadn't gotten anyone looking like this!" They noticed me as I waddled up to them.

"Ty, he doesn't want to do it."

"What do you mean?! Swap me back! We had a deal!"

"Sorry, I have something else in mind now." He put his hands on Chase and a white light began pulsating from his hands. Chase didn't respond and looked like he was in a trance. Don't tell me he's trying to swap their bodies?!

"Hey get off of him!" I tried pulling his hands off, but it was as if they were glued to Chase's shoulders.

"Don't even try!" I may have ruined my chances with your body but I can start all over with his!"

"Oh no you don't!" It seemed impossible to pull his hands off, but I kept trying anyway. Suddenly the white light flashed everywhere and his hands were forced off of Chase, as well as mine. When I opened my eyes, I looked down and once again, saw the same saggy belly I'd woken up to for the past 2 years.

"Well, nothing happened…"

"Speak for yourself!" Chase spoke excitedly. He was looking at his hands and rubbing his flat stomach. Shit. That wasn't him. Chase, now in my original body, and the old man, now in Chase's body, looked at each other.

"So that's what I really look like to everyone else. Wow."

"Well I best be going then!" The old man started walking away until I grabbed him and pulled him into a neck hold.

"Not this time! You're going to swap us back for real."

"I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" I released my grip.

"The spell only works twice. First for a regular swap, and then second for a swap back. It doesn't account for interruptions from a third."

"No way…I…"

"Ty. It's ok." Chase put his hand on my shoulder. "I like you like this. And I think I'll be fine. I'm as flabby as you…almost!" He slapped his belly and shook it up and down, admiring the jiggles. I guess the weight gain is turning him on.

"Yeah. I guess it's fine." He kissed me on the cheek.

"Take care you guys." It was weird seeing Chase's original body walk away from me but I know the real Chase was right here with me, safe and sound. I wonder what it would be like to have sex with your old body…

[mister-eames]

how do you think arthur and eames would take in other slowly growing old.. I don’t see either of them as characters being insecure about themselves but how the other person would see it is kinda a mystery and exciting.. so how do you think it would go? hugs xx

Oh my goodness I love this question. I agree on them not being overly insecure in themselves - not much, or too seriously, at least. They may lament a thing here or there but nothing that would take up too much mental space.

I know it sounds a bit cliche, but overall I think they'd fall more in love with each other, tbh. Growing older is a sign of survival against an often unkind world. Of experience. It's the sexiest fucking thing in the world to see your SO earn those signs of age alongside you, to say you made it, you keep making it, despite everything life has thrown at you, you are strong enough to survive.

Though, at first, I can see Arthur having a sort of existential crisis about it.

Not because he finds Eames any less attractive. On the contrary, he loves Eames extra padding, the changes in him; the very real markers that signify that they both have survived and they are experiencing this very real privilege to get older and to do it together; that they get to share a life, full of good and bad memories - to trust someone with who you were, who you are, and who you are going to be.

But in that same regard, I can see it finally hitting Arthur in a very real way (kind of the way it hits all of us); oh... our time here is actually limited... isn't it.

Perhaps it's when they're no longer in dreamshare, risking their lives, but it occurs to Arthur in a strange, sudden sense that some day the world will go on without them. That they are in fact, mortal, despite cheating death so often in their dreams and in real life too.

Arthur might be having this crisis at 35 or 45 (probably has it every ten years after his mid-thirties tbh) and he has literal decades ahead of him, but their own own mortality really hits him. He knew, intellectually, and with Mal and Dom, and with others in his life, that nothing is guaranteed. It's just... he feels like he has earned this life with Eames, after all they've been through together and personally, and it's not even that they're geriatric or "old" by any means, but the signs are there - they are not getting younger. They are visibly growing older. There's the greys, and the aches, and the weight gain here, the fat loss there.

The fact is plain and simple with life: there is no turning this car around.

Time is a real thing. One day it starts tick-tick-ticking away very loudly in Arthur's brain, like a bomb about to go off, setting off the same kind of panic in Arthur that says do something about it -- but there is nothing to be done about it. That's the worst part. It's just life, and not even Arthur, point man extraordinaire can mitigate it or stop it.

So Eames unearths the source of Arthur's panic after Arthur takes up three new languages, asks Eames for the fiftieth time if he's sure he won't regret not having kids, dyes his hair to get rid of the greys, takes up trumpet lessons and books them a cruise or seven - and then Eames is utterly bewildered by Arthur's heightened state of existential panic because he's not even fucking old, they've never been better or happier.

At first, Eames is like, "Calm down, dear. Complain to me when we have liver spots and we're both using walkers to get around. Old is just a state of mind."

Arthur, in the midst of frantically planning a new diet for them both sans-alcohol, is not amused.

So Eames asks him, "What are you so afraid of?"

"I don't know... losing time, I guess." Arthur replies. "Or... not making the most of it."

To which Eames asks plainly, fondly, "Aside from spending your days panicking, what are you gonna do about that? What do you need to do, at the end of it all, on your final day, to look back and say 'I regret nothing'?"

"I..."

"Ask yourself: what does your life without regrets look like?"

Arthur thinks, and after a long pause says:

"I... need us to live... exactly as we are now."

"That's good."

"Maybe tell you I love you more."

"And I will do the same."

Arthur takes the deepest breath he's had in days.

Then Eames adds, "By the by, I hear that not being on your husbands back about folding laundry is the key to a long, happy life."

"Nice try," Arthur rolls his eyes, taking his beloveds face in his hand and kissing that cheeky smile. "Speaking of which. I hear helping your husband fold the laundry does wonders for longevity."

--

The press of his lips against Eames and the quiet laughter between them in that moment, is one he never forgets.

--

Later, once all the laundry is folded and they're enjoying a glass of wine, Eames will Arthur that he is wrong. They are not losing time - that every day is more time they gain together.

Arthur will concede that Eames is right, sometimes.

--

As for Eames, well. He has all the pride, heart growing with love, etc etc, but you best believe he has several canvases and sketches and papers with a timeline of every iteration of Arthur, a visual chronicle of a beautiful man, drawn by Eames, over time, in varying mediums.

Not to say Eames has never felt strange about growing older, or Arthur growing older. But he's very much at peace with it, and earned the ability to be at peace with life - and himself. He's not afraid, not when there is so much to look forward to, and so much to learn.

And so many more versions of Arthur to appreciate and adore; on paper, and in person.

--

They both take the other ageing as something wonderful, something to be cherished. We only get one chance to get old, after all, but we get near endless chances to grow older. They don't get it right every day -- that is to say that sometimes life is an alarm clock that you get up and get on with on first ring, and sometimes in life you just press snooze and both is okay -- but they get it right often enough that they can call theirs 'a life, lived'.

So, yeah, they fall deeper and deeper in love with all the signs of age on each other -- it's all the time they've had, and all the incredible time they still have to gain.

[ash-the-porcupine]

Can we talk about this? By 'this' I mean the changes in Buster between Sing 1 and Sing 2 because it simply MUST be addressed.

HIS FUR. In the first movie, it clearly looks rougher and more coarse than in the second one - where it looks soft and thick. Now, as a major animal nerd pursuing veterinary business, I can tell you that the healthier an animal('s diet) is, the softer and shinier their fur is! This is especially true for cats, dogs, horses, and rabbits. I'll bet that since Nana swooped in and saved the theater, Buster's had more money for decent food. Plus, Rosita is always making sure he eats and doesn't stay up all night chugging caffeine.

2. BEHAVIOR. Overall, our koala seems to be the same energetic fur-ball from the first movie, right? Wrong. Paying close attention, in the second movie he is MORE motivated, MORE confident, MORE determined, and we see so much COMPASSION in him in the second movie, especially in the Rosita scenes and I LOVE IT. We also see another side of him. Insecurity. He is easily discouraged by criticism (COMFORT DRAWER- COMFORT DRAWER-) but he is also great at bouncing right back up directly afterward! Love that!

3. MASS. Clearly, more mass has been added to his cheeks by the animators, and he seems to have gained a little weight. However, he is bound to lose some after the trauma in Redshore (if the animators actually take the trauma into account and show that, I will cry with joy. I love those kinds of details.)

4. ENERGY. He seems so much more energetic to me! Especially when he sees Ash - THEY ARE SO CUTE! They are best friends, and that dynamic is just so cute. That girl got a dad she never asked for ^^

5. STRESS. We see a totally different way of being stressed out than in the first movie. In the first movie, he kind of... panics? In the second, it changes. It's clear he has to really try, but he acts much more level-headed in the second movie (I'll bet Eddie helped him-) instead of panicking, he tries his best to just SOLVE the situation rather than stress out over it. I do wish the stress and anxiety that was so obviously difficult for him to handle had been addressed more - even if only by a few scraps of dialogue between him and a worried friend. The closest thing we see from the group in worry for him is some concerned expressions from Johnny and Meena when Crystal rubs Buster's head (which Buster is clearly uncomfortable with).

6. TRAUMA RESPONSE+. So, Buster has clearly been shaken up by Jimmy before Jimmy even tried to kill him the FIRST time. At Calloway's, when he wakes up and Clay growls at him, he flinches and looks afraid. Buster also displays deep discomfort at the presence of Jimmy, or even the mention of him. And when Jimmy tries to kill him at the show? He's clearly terrified and basically having a panic attack... yet he still tells everyone he's never been better. AND WHY WAS CRAWLY THE ONLY ONE WHO ASKED? AND WHY DID THEY ALL JUST BELIEVE HIM? THERE WAS STILL PANIC IN HIS VOICE.

[unhetalia]

I really want to talk about fatphobia for a second. This isn't directed at anyone in particular, but it's still something I want to talk about.

Let me start off by summarising an incredible article from The Guardian -

Fatphobia is a problem in our society, and it's a problem that kills fat people. Fat women are less likely to receive cervical cancer screening and breast cancer screening than non-fat women, and are more likely to die from both conditions than non-fat women. All on the basis of weight.

Unfortunately, while leftist spaces have become more aware of issues such as racism and homophobia, fatphobia has basically remained pretty rampant, and a study done at Harvard showed that "body-weight attitudes showed the slowest change toward attitude neutrality" (read an article written about the study here, if you don't want to read through that .pdf).

Mostly it's because fatness is often perceived as a choice, despite a lot of research that disputes this. Whether it's genetics or environment, stress, inequality, or even the medication you take, fatness isn't necessarily a choice someone makes, and that even when someone successfully loses weight, it's often temporary, with "sustained weight loss was found only in a small minority of participants, while complete weight regain was found in the majority."

It's hard to explain what this has to do with Hetalia, and why I'm posting this on my Hetalia blog, but I'm going to try.

I am sometimes frustrated by Himaruya's depiction of Alfred's 'struggle' with weight.

Alfred is drawn as very fit and thin - so to me, his fear of scales, his obsession with diet, asking other countries how they eat to stay thin... all of it looks like it stems from body dysmorphia. EXCEPT, other characters validate Alfred's obsession. We have the Hetalia strip where Alfred has to convince his boss that his weight gain is due to muscle, and not because of fat.

It's difficult, because as a reader, we're supposed to understand that in this case, Alfred represents the U.S., yet at the same time, Himaruya brings Alfred back into it by discussing his physique. So now I'm left wondering why you would think someone like Alfred, who is very much not drawn as a fat man, is being forced to justify his weight to anyone.

Then we as a fandom pick it up, and he's still incredibly fit and thin but at the same time he's fat-shamed, and characters talk about how his burgers and fries and cola and grease are making him fat, once again perpetuating that being overweight is a character failure, and one that Alfred has (and secondarily, all Americans).

I just wish we were a little bit more careful about this in the same way that we became more careful about differing cultures and politics because, as I have tried to highlight above, it's a prejudice that is rampant in society and we should care about not perpetuating it.

[gyuluttony]

heyyy, when you get the time, could you write that Mingyu fic we were talking about? I’m thinking Mingyu starts off athletic as he is, but maybe due to an injury he takes times off and then starts gaining weight. DK first starts off just by comforting him and cooking for Mingyu which leads to his gain.

would love if you could make him as large/fat as you’re comfortable with, and show how he then struggled with choreo/fitting into his outfits. The members have to adapt their choreo for him, DK also starts to gain weight 🥰

hehe i'm on a mingyu high atm so let's go back to my namesake for some gluttony from my favourite gyu... i'm going to change up some stuff for this to keep it fresh as well but i hope you enjoy it!

Bulk Clause

This is a feederism fic and features weight gain and unintentional weight gain. Don't like, don't read.

Getting the ink dry on the contracts took such a burden off the chests of just about everyone within their team that it was worth celebrating. Not many people would have expected a group as large as thirteen members to renew their contract, but as it turned out, not every group had a Mingyu who fought tooth and nail to make sure that it turned out okay and that the family that they made was not going to be torn about by different reasons.

These terms that would have stumped even more established groups for temptation reasons were nothing at the willpower of a man who made sure they stood resolute and as a single team, fighting for clauses that benefitted them as a collective as opposed to swaying them in separate directions.

The glasses of beer clunk together as they cheered, Mingyu feeling some rough pats on his back as he giggled from the feeling. It stung a little bit because all the guys tended to be rough knowing he was more than capable of taking a hit or two but following the hectic nature of the renewing of a contract, he welcomed something to bring him back to this reality that they lived in.

"Oi, Mingyu." He turned his head to Seungcheol as he smiled, "Good thing we fought for that clause about our workouts, right?" The smile only grew wider as the plates full of food were delivered without a second thought, filling the table with delicious foods that were unthinkable before. From that small little green room where they had to sneak bites, they were no longer restrained to just about everything that they ate and Mingyu's eyes sparkled while his mouth watered, not even sure what to take first.

Jeonghan leaned his head on Mingyu's shoulder as he patted his arm, "Since we can actually eat now, you can probably bulk better. I know that some other idols have been doing that lately. And you already like working out."

He squeezed the bicep curiously, smiling when Mingyu shied away, "Ah, hyung..." The whine slipped out of him as Jeonghan laughed before pushing a plate to him, "I'm not used to seeing this much in front of me. I remember sneaking bites of food that Seungkwan brought for everyone after his schedules."

Seungkwan was chewing some of the chicken that they got while nodding at Mingyu's comment, "That's in the past now. We got through it so now, we can do what we want." Mingyu began to eat rather quickly, almost like he was scared it was some sort of joke.

Chan leaned on the table, smiling playfully, "Make sure you get your fill before Mingyu and Wonwoo hyung take everything back to their place." Mingyu shot him a look before he was placated by Chan passing over a plate of food that he was eyeing anyways before digging in.

"Even if we take everything back, I'm sure Mingyu will meal prep it into something else anyways." By the sound of Wonwoo's tone, he basically expected it so Mingyu was already making a mental note to make something that they'd both like out of what they brought back.

One of the clauses on their new contract was that members have full discretion of their diets. This was something that they had to fight rather hard on but it was worth the battle. A lot of the members struggled with their own body image following the strict rules with eating that were imposed on them while they were growing and with this clause, it gave them free reign to heal from what they came from.

Some of the members that came to mind were the ones who had already taken steps to better their relationship with food and everything in that avenue, but it also benefitted the ones who frequented the gym. Without any restrictions on their diet, it was possible to properly bulk and cut so they could get a more muscular frame. It wasn't something that was common in the industry in favour of a leaner build but it was gaining a lot of popularity.

Today was, of course, a cheat day. This was made clear before Mingyu and Seungcheol began to stuff their faces with whatever was in reach. It continued throughout the night, celebrating, feasting, cheering and reminiscing on old times. Mingyu had to tune in and out, discretely rubbing his bloated abs underneath his shirt. They had all eaten their fill but Mingyu and Seungcheol probably had eaten a fair share of everything on the table.

The problem with diets though when dealing with muscle gain was that starting the cut was always difficult. So many different things were delayed for the sake of a cheat day and Mingyu lost track of how many times Seungcheol suggested to get a meal together. Most of the time, it ended with them too full to even properly work out, promising that they'd go the next day. It was just hard to say no when the food was good and their workout days lined up anyways.

At the very least, it was good to know that the eating and not restricting his habits was working out. His arms looked rather beefy and were bigger than ever before. Flexing these days was something of a lethal weapon when he was wearing short sleeves, their fans immediately noticing how his arms were.

They also noticed some other changes. More talks on social media that he was coming for Seungcheol's position for the best ass in the group. Some of the shots they got of them rehearsing surprised Mingyu, moving his hands to his ass and feeling the way fat started to yield to his touch, a lot more than before. But, he wasn't sure what to think when his belly was trending on other apps for when he raised his shirt in choreo.

Sure, it was starting to push down on the waistband, but he was bloated that day. Eating most of the snack table clear wasn't for the faint of heart. But, it was enough to let him know that his new habits of counting everything as a cheat meal was a consequence so he planned to dial it back. Lifting his weights in the gym with Seokmin was nice, an unexpected company to help him during upper body workout days.

He was trying to lift a weight that was heavier than usual and Seokmin lingered behind him, feeling the body heat of the other on his back while cheering, "C'mon, Mingyu! I can do this in my sleep! What's taking you so long!" He huffed in annoyance as he started to raise the heavy dumbbells, "You're not doing many sets, c'mon! Just a little more."

He reached the height of his rep and was going to hold for a moment before, he felt hands on his sides, the budding love handles being squeezed, "Oh, maybe this is what's making it harder for you to get everything up. You're getting soft, Mingyu~" It was said in a mocking tone but the more fatal miscalculation was scaring Mingyu to the point where he dropped the weight, landing on his toe as he yelped in pain.

They usually had their back and forths but it was sad to see Seokmin pacing around the waiting room, blaming himself for the injury. "It's fine, Seokmin. I should have held a better grip on the weights anyways!" He smiled nicely, coaxing out a small bit of the other man's sunshine smile which got him to loosen up.

He helped him get to the bed, arm slung around his shoulder before the doctor explained that Mingyu was going to be fine, just needed a cast for a little while to make sure everything healed correctly. Mingyu, after knowing the other man for as long as he did, could feel the concern dripping from his eyes. He rolled his eyes, "It's fine, Seokmin... I'm used to doing most of this stuff anyways."

The surprise was prevalent on his face when it was held by cheeks that were softer than he remembered as he poked one to confirm his suspicions. His face seemed to be a little softer than usual. It'd be a little hard to start a diet with minimal motion lest he injure himself and need more recovery time. They had a comeback planned so the less chance of hurting himself the better.

So, he innocently accepted Seokmin's offer to help him out. Wonwoo was quick to accommodate his roommate but if he left the cooking up to him, it was going to be ramen until he was recovered and he'd probably need to make it anyways some nights that Wonwoo would be gaming for a while.

He knew that Seokmin was working on his cooking but the last thing that he expected was how good for each and every bite, not leaving until he cleaned the plate. Even Wonwoo had been managing these meals well, eating just as much as Mingyu before calling it quits to get back to his game and music producing. Although, the portions were getting slightly bigger with each passing day as Mingyu and Wonwoo ate whatever Seokmin provided, whose skills improved with all the positive words from the ones he was cooking for.

At first, Mingyu was only aware of smaller things... and it couldn't really concern him. The way that couch groaned when Wonwoo parked on it, his heavyset frame making chairs creak as he looked rather alarmed as it happened. How he balanced a bowl on his belly to make sure it was easy to reach while gaming or how his phone scrolling seemed to have a shlef that was soft enough for someone to lie on. And he did one time following Seokmin's meal, too lethargic to make it to his bed, falling asleep on the couch with his fattened hyung. It was hard to notice how he was stuffed with so much food he could barely breathe when Wonwoo's tummy was plump and soft even with him eating the same amount. Probably some of the best sleep he's had in a while.

He even noticed the belly pooching on the apron that Seokmin wore, tying it underneath the gut so that it almost showed off a little more pronounced. Those thighs that filled nearly every pair of pants to near bursting was starting to truly strain the seams and after a couple of teasing slaps, he could confirm that he felt a lot bigger than he used to. Perhaps all that sampling was catching up to him.

But, Mingyu didn't realize how he was the biggest in a way that wasn't just referring to his height. No longer could his stomach be called abs with how much his gut led the way with every step. His new unconscious habit of scratching his gut underneath his hirt or rubbing it following one of Seokmin's dinners.

What really brought it home was when he worked out. The compression shirt could barely squeeze over his plump chest and Wonwoo certainly was enjoying the scenario. Almost like a puppy trying to get out of a box but with a lot more jiggling involved as the trackpants he wore to the gym were no longer functional, losing the battle against Mingyu's fatter ass.

He only realized that he had properly put on weight was when Soonyoung grabbed his gut in the practice mirror, adorned in a black tank top that continually rode up every time Mingyu so much as moved. He shook the fat and Mingyu whined, "Ah, hyung, stop!" He caught the way his fat body completely shielded him as he felt a shiver down his spine.

A comment followed as Soonyoung rolled his eyes, "Mingyu, even if I stop jiggling it, it won't stop. You've gotten big." Being called big isn't something foreign... but in this context, he couldn't help but huff, face a little warm. Soonyoung moved into a hug, arms squishing his plump body, "You're nice to hug... but no one really has a belly as big as yours so syncing is a little hard right now."

It seems everyone was enjoying the eating whatever they wanted clause but Mingyu's hand rubbed his belly curiously, biting his lip when he shakes it curiously. He was the biggest in the room, but everyone had put on their own weight. Mingyu couldn't help the way that he felt his gut fall out of his shirt and jiggled with the movements of the choreo or the way that he felt out of breath with one of the beginning combos.

This was probably the opposite of what was expected of him and he couldn't deny the excitement. Seokmin had stayed surprisingly silent the matter, lifting his shirt up and shocking Mingyu with the size of a gut that stood out, always remaining hidden in the bagginess of his clothes. It'd take some time to move with the new weight but given how he continually caught Seokmin's eyes move to him, watching how his body seemed to dance with the additional adipose that he put on, he had a feeling that he'd need to get used to dancing with even more.

-

"Yah, Mingyu, you can't just double your waist size since we measured you! Your fans might like the weight, but consider the sylists!" He chuckled meekly after the first week of promotions, rubbing his belly as he smiled.

"Sorry, unnie... I just finished a protein shake, so I'm a little full." His eyes caught Seokmin's who looked away, almost ashamed. Mingyu smiled, seeing the way that he ducked out of his eyes contact. Considering the shake was shared between both of them, it was hard not to look at the way Seokmin's belly spread out onto his lap comfortably, straining the stage outfit that they designed for him.

The fans seemed to adore how comfortable they looked and Mingyu has gained more fans as quickly as he gained weight, saying that it made him more approachable. Plus, the constant influx of food gifts was contributing to why these stage outfits didn't even make their way onto his blubbery figure.

He felt a pat on his rotund behind as Seungcheol walked past him, "Make sure you get your fill before we go out. Going on stage hungry is a lot of work." The leader walked away, undoing the string on his torso, a large sigh leaving as his gut filled the space before Mingyu looked at himself in the mirror, a smile filling his face.

It wasn't the sort of bulk that he planned, but doing it with people he knew he could trust to support him made it easier to grow... and as long as he stayed mobile, it was enough. Although, he could go for a few extra pounds. He was reaching a personal record for the bench press.

Even if he couldn't even see his form beyond how high his gut sat on the bench.

[acanth3]

追憶＊マリオネットの糸の先 / Reminiscence＊End of the Marionette's Strings

EPISODE 5

Garden Terrace

Mika: Nnnh…I haven’t been to the garden terrace much.

Normally, students are allowed to come during class time, right? I'm nervous cuz if I get caught, my teacher will get angry..?

Arashi: Ufufu. While it’s not allowed…it’s not like it’s prohibited.

It’s all loose~ because in this academy, idol’s are like gods.

I’m so cute, I’ll be allowed to skip class just to eat cake. There are alot of idiots who play pranks.

There are also people who just make you feel sick, you’ll see in just a little bit. Put your head up because you're an idol, be bossy!

It’s not enough…the feeling of gratitude.

It’s fine…but my freedom is being violated, it’s troublesome…

My ‘King’ doesn’t seem to be able to stand within such situations, so he’s held by a string day by day.

Mika: “The King”?

Arashi: Oh, it’s the name of the senior who’s care I’m under. His name is Leo.

The name he goes by from his fans is something like ‘Leo-sama~’...?

I wonder if ‘Leo-sama’ is from an accent or it shrank to ‘Osama’? I don't know, well~

Mika: Hnn, what’s the king? who is it? I’m thinkin’ somethin’ like that.

My Oshi-san is also apart of ‘The 5 Eccentrics’ or he’s also called ‘Emperor’

Arashi: My leader doesn’t seem to enjoy being called ‘King’ also even whenever I say it.

Mika: He sounds like a very sharp person, after all he is Naru-chan’s acquaintance.

I feel I’m not as close with you because I’m scared…Naru-chan is so kind.

What was it, ‘Othello’? Nnn, the name was changed to somethin’ like ‘Chess’?

Arashi: Hmm, I don’t know well but the name did change, those people are a little passionate.

Shinsengumi is on a rampage, it’s really just filled with never-ending troubles. It’s dangerous.

I don’t want to really get involved in the whole mess, and I haven’t officially joined nor participated in group activities, Well, as courtesy greetings sometimes.

I don’t like being dragged in by others and it’s a troublesome situation as well…i’m gonna stay outside of the mosquitos net until it’s over.

A temporary club of some sorts..

I’m still a little indebted to you as a model, because as a senior I have a duty…

Even If I'm thinking of just registering, I wonder if I’ll participate later after the current situation cools down.

Mika: Nnnn..tell me if yer havin’ any troubles, I might not be able to do nothin’ but Naru-chan we are friends ♪

Arashi: Thank you, ufufu~ I feel better when I talk to Mika-chan wa~ ♪

Mika: Did ya get the cake you ordered? If you eat this you’ll feel better~♪

Arashi: Oh, just me? Mika-chan you didn’t order anything?

Mika: Nnnn…I'm hungry when I eat proper sweets, I’ll destroy my appetite…

Also I like candy. Look, I’ll lick the candy, so I can refrain from eating the cake~ ♪

Arashi: You really are a strange child, aren’t you…?

If you dont eat properly, you won’t get any meat, Mika-chan is so skinny so I’m worried~ Eventually you’ll faint, right?

If I eat something, I just eat it. I’ll probably just get fat or grow taller and I should be careful i'm on a diet.

But I want to eat sweets~ Annoying, isn’t it?

Mika: Nnnn…when I was little I didn’t eat much.

I wonder if that’s why I barely grew but I’ve gained more weight now than I have in the past, right?

Recently, Oshi-san always makes rice/lunch for me~ ♪

So if I swell my belly with sweets and unnecessary foods, Oshi-san will get angry

Arashi: I wonder if that’s what you also call ‘love’...I mean, are you currently living with that ‘Oshi-san’ person?

No~ that sounds so immoral ♪

Mika: Nah I’m just a freeloader~ No different from a pet or a pot of plants. I’ve got my parents' house over in Kansai.

I live a great distance from Yumenosaki, it’s hard to go back and forth from my parent’s house every single time, it also cost’s money.

I asked Oshi-san to let me sleep over.

I’m usin’ the money I earn from idol activities towards Oshi-san’s house and sendin’ over money to my parent’s house.

Arashi: Well, if you’re having a hard time and any problems, please talk to me~

I feel like an average person while you're poorer…

Mika: In Valkyrie we have another senior named Nazuna-nii.

It’s his birthday soon so I made clothes as a present ♪

M’ gonna have to do my best hand-sewing~

I’m still not the best because I’m learning from Oshi-san. The cost of materials and so on is another reason, i’m short on money as usual.

Nazuna-nii’s birthday is some time away so it’s not that urgent.

Arashi: That’s why you were sewing earlier too…

Okay! If you’ve got such a problem, tell me! I feel like I got in the way of your work, right?

Mika: Yeah, I’m not sewin’ alot and I enjoy what I do.

It calms me down when I get to talk to Naru-chan, so why don’t I just relax?

Valkyrie, I mean Oshi-san is quite a perfectionist…

I don't get to relax while doin’ idol activities, sometimes I just wanna relax ♪

Arashi: That’s right, no wonder your performances are the best

You always look/feel tense. It makes me feel nervous when I see you.

Mika: Yeah kinda like just draggin’ my feet around.

Nazuna-nii is perfect! He moves around perfectly just as Oshi-San instructs.

I’ve respected Nazuna-nii for a long time that’s why I wanna make him happy on his birthday, Nazuna-nii always has a dark look on his face..

It would be nice if he showed me his smile~♪

a/n i made this at 1am sorry if it doesn’t make sense💔

[josephtrohman]

I don't know who else to express my conern to, but... it seems to me that Joe hasn't been wearing his wedding ring lately? I first noticed it in the China pics and thought maybe he just forgot it at home or something, but I did a quick look through 2ourdust pics and it seems to be missing then, too??

i was going to answer this when i saw it in my inbox yesterday but tbh i genuinely got too high last night to type coherently LMFAOOOO. BUT this is the RIGHT PLACE to express this concern because i actually am a slightly insane person who pays like TOO MUCH attention to wedding rings due to the fact that they make me Feel Ways, so i actually have a lot to say about this!!! i am the co-president of the joe trohman hands and ring committee after all (shoutout ash)…however, tldr: i would say that him not wearing his ring is not a bad sign to ME bc of the evidence on this matter. and i’m putting it under a cut cuz i kind of typed a lot here 😭

joe didnt wear his wedding ring almost at all on tourdust or eurodust either (there’s the joe coffee run picture that he’s wearing it, but i believe that was taken in la, and he lives in la, so he could have just dropped it off at home or whatever lol), but it actually goes much further back than that! iirc joe started first inconsistently wearing his wedding ring in 2017 or so, and he and his wife had a baby the next year, so it is not necessarily the sign of a split or anything that he is not wearing it :-)

there could be many many reasons that he doesn’t wear it while touring/playing. it may be the case that he doesn’t like to travel with it for fear of losing it, especially considering his ring was upgraded recently ish it seems. see the pics below, left picture=2019 or so i believe, right picture=early 2023 from the hmlag shoot. as you can see the new ring has a different design, there’s some carving or maybe there’s even like diamonds in the band idk it’s hard to see fully, but it really could be the case that it’s a much more expensive ring, thus not wanting to travel with it because of the cost to replace if he lost it

there are also other personal reasons he may choose to not wear it: it could be for fluctuating finger sizes due to medical reasons or weight changes (i am not implying it looks like he gained or lost weight lol it doesn’t seem that way, but even small weight changes that are invisible to us can impact your finger size, or a high-sodium diet can contribute the fingers swelling more, so on and so forth), it could be the case that it’s become uncomfortable to play in (as an example, there’s that one video from 2013 or so of an acoustic performance where patrick removes his wedding band because of the slide sound it’s making on the neck of the guitar, so it’s not inconceivable that a wedding ring could get in the way/be uncomfortable for playing in), or SOOO many different reasons that he stopped wearing it that we may not know about (and that’s ok!!)

during their last show (or maybe one of their last shows? i can’t remember for sure but def a december 2023 show) he brought out this lil number which appears to be a silicone ring. and he only used this for one show and hasn’t brought it back since, but it just may not have been an alternative that worked for him. i know for example my uncle had a bad allergic reaction on his hands when he tried to switch to a silicone wedding band, so maybe something similar could have happened to joe with this silicone band, or just not liking the feel of it, etc

another piece of evidence that i think should soothe you as well, he was wearing his real ring during his christmas video, even if he wasn’t wearing his ring almost at all during 2023 tour :)

as well, i’m not going to include the pics (but you can find it easily on meredith’s reel lol), but marie was at andy and meredith’s wedding too, just another lil piece of evidence that im not concerned about the state of their relationship :)

lastly, its important to know that he has marie’s initials tattooed on the inner part of his ring finger (the m is covered up by his wedding band in these pics but i can’t find others where it’s more visible lol), so even when he’s not wearing his wedding ring, it’s like she’s always with him :-) and i bet that’s part of the reason that he doesn’t seem overly concerned with finding an alternative band, because functionally the tattoo still shows his commitment to her <33

aside from all of this even, im not worried about their relationship; joe has been head over heels for her from the moment they met, so i think they will be together forever and ever 💖 (and well god forbid if they do ever split i may have to cermet soup of side bc i love them so much…yes im a crazy insane joegirl yes i like rpf BUT ALSO yes i love marie and their relationship in general WE EXIST. do they need a third or perhaps another dog i can bark etc etc)

[channiebelly]

Hot and Cold

tropes: light humilitation, praise

ship: ot13

wordcount: 1.5k

@carattummies wrote a fic the other day based on a conversation we had so i decided to write one based on our conversation too! you can read her one here

Chan has been gaining weight and really liking it. He thinks his friends are liking it too, until their teasing becomes too much for him and Chan decides to go on a diet.

Chan has been gaining weight. He didn't notice it at first, until he woke up one day and there was a little pot belly spilling over the waistband of his underwear. Stepping on the scale revealed he had gained 10 pounds.

His first reaction is to panic. Gaining weight without noticing is not something he wants. After, he starts to think about it more, and he decides he doesn't mind. His belly is cute and it's nice to squish and play with. He's also been enjoying eating more than usual than lately, and he wants to continue that. He likes food! So, he decides to just let it happen. If he gains weight, then he gains weight.

It's very easy, he learns. Now that he has fully given himself permission to just eat whatever he wants whenever he wants, the pounds start to pile on quickly. Over the next months, he's reaching 20 and then 30 pounds gained. His belly starts to push against his shirts and becomes impossible to suck in. His thighs start to thicken and push against each other and his butt starts to round out, and jiggles as he walks.

Chan loves it, so much more than he thought he would. He finds himself standing in front of his mirror shaking his belly or twisting around to see his growing ass. He strokes his belly absentmindedly all the time. Rather than being annoyed by having to buy new clothes, he likes it. He loves his new body. It's cute and sexy and he loves its softness.

His friends notice. Of course they do. Chan isn't trying to hide it. At first it's just little fingers in his squishy belly and gentle pats when he walks into the room, with comments about how he's filling out. These just make Chan blush. He doesn't mind them at all. Then they notice his growing butt and begin slapping and squeezing it whenever he walks past. Chan likes this too. It makes him feel sexy. There's light hearted teasing about him growing out of his clothes and the way he has to sit with his legs further apart because of the increasing size of his thighs. Still, he loves his body and he loves eating. If anything, the comments just encourage him more.

As Chan reaches 40 pounds gained and could be considered properly fat with steadily developing moobs, love handles that threaten to escape his waistband, and a belly that is becoming harder and harder to manouveur around, the teasing changes. The pokes and pats turn into them grabbing his belly and shaking it. "You're so jiggly," Jeonghan will say, and he makes Chan stand there and makes everyone watch the way Chan's entire belly shakes just from a single pat. When Chan grabs a second helping of dinner, Joshua calls him a big boy and laughs about how of course he would be eating more. When Chan has to rock himself slightly to gather momentum to stand up, Mingyu and Wonwoo laugh about how he's got to be careful or he'll get too fat to stand up at all.

There's more than that. One day Chan shirt rides up and leaves a strip of his belly on display and Seokmin tells him he's outgrowing his clothes just from sitting down. One night he accidentally spills a bit of sauce on his shirt and Minghao calls him a slob, even though Chan is generally a very tidy eater. It just keeps going and going. They get more and more comfortable with laughing about Chan's growing frame.

At first, it doesn't get to him. Chan continues to admire his growing belly, and enjoys exploring the incredible sensitivity of the moobs that he's growing. His belly is almost sitting on his lap now, and he's excited to know what it feels like when it finally happens.

But then it does start to get to him. He starts to think that maybe he's the only one who likes his growing body, and the others are right: it is gross. He starts to think maybe he is a bit of a slob and that he shouldn't just eat whatever and whenever. He's getting bigger than he ever thought he would, maybe he should just stop and lose the weight now before it gets too difficult. This is getting a bit out of hand.

Chan decides to go on a diet. He throws out all of his favourite snacks and buys only healthy foods from the grocery store. He bans himself from all of his favourite fast food places and restaurants. He even joins a gym, one that he knows none of his friends go to so they won't see him huffing and puffing as he attempts to use the treadmill.

He thinks no one notices that he's only taking one helping at dinner and refusing dessert. He starts refusing lunch meetups with his friends, preferring to eat his meal prepped salads. He skips games nights to go to the gym.

It only takes two weeks for Seungkwan to corner him one day and ask him what's up.

"You've stopped taking seconds at dinner," Seungkwan says. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I've just decided to go on a diet."

"Why?"

"I'm getting a little big, don't you think?" Chan places a hand on his belly. He's going to miss feeling it's comfortable squishiness beneath his fingers.

"But you always looked so happy when you were eating. And you seemed like you liked your belly. You would always smile when people brought it up. You looked proud of it."

Chan didn't realise that anyone had noticed how much he liked it. "I did like it. It's just that I think I'm getting too big now. That's what everyone else seems to think, at least."

"What?"

Chan shrugs. "Everyone's been making fun of me. I started to think that I should just get the message."

"It was just teasing. Was it really bothering you that much?"

"Kinda. I appreciate it, though. Sometimes you need your friends to keep you on track."

Seungkwan looks angry. "Don't go on a diet Chan. You look cute and happy like this. I'll deal with the others."

Chan listens. He doesn't know why, but he listens. He gives up on he gym and heads to KFC or Wendy's whenever he feels like it. He immediately feels better. Dieting really isn't for him.

Seungkwan must've had very strong words with their friends because the next time he sees them there's no belly shaking or calls of "the big boy is here" when he walks in the door. Instead, Seungcheol greets him with a hug and says "you look very cute today." He pats Chan's belly in the way that he used to when Chan was first gaining weight, and says "I hope you enjoy dinner tonight."

When they sit down for the meal, Jun, who's sitting beside Chan keeps refilling his plate. "You look like you're really enjoying the food. I want you to eat lots of it."

"Yeah," Soonyoung says from across the table. "You look cute when you eat."

The dinner is really good and Chan eats until his belly is full and aching. No one says a mean word about it.

After, some of their friends go to play ping pong and some of them watch a movie. Chan joins the movie watchers on the couch. Jihoon is sitting next to him, and doesn't mention that he has to shuffle over to allow for the spread of Chan's legs. Instead, he just offers to give him a belly rub instead. Chan agrees and Jihoon puts his hands under Chan's shirt. "For the most relaxation possible," Jihoon explains. Chan almost falls asleep to the calm feeling of Jihoon's gentle hands easing the pressure in his gut. "Your skin is so soft," Jihoon says as they're leaving to go home.

Chan goes home feeling like he's on cloud nine. He feels cute and comfortable and he falls asleep with his arms craddling his belly lovingly.

Their compliments don't stop. "That hoodie looks great on you," "Your cheeks looks really cute today," "Your butt looks amazing in those pants," "Your belly is so nice to touch." Slowly but surely Chan gives up on any ideas of going on a diet and his weight continues to go up. On the day that Chan hits 50 pounds gained, he's surrounded by his friends, full from a large helping of dessert, Vernon's head resting on his thigh because apparently he's the best pillow ever and Jeonghan's hands slowly kneading into his side.

"You look happy these days," Seungkwan says that evening.

Chan grins at him. "I am."