#hes just blabbing and i also dont know what in the world this is

[thedevotionaltour]

i havent even read enough gl to justify the feelings and emotions i have about kyle i just have the lovers heart and also something wrong with me. and my projection. in my mind he's just like me. and he would have loved college vending machine frozen cheeseburger and heating it up in the microwave at 1 in the morning because he was bored and didn't want to work on a drawing assignment on 20" x 30" paper that was due tomorrow in his freshman year. he would have loved going to the club to push off finals work that's creating the worst stress known to man in his brain. and he would love to annoy the fuck out of his roommate when high and avoiding homework on a saturday.

[silencesscreams]

i can see you

james potter x best friends sister!reader (smut)

summary: james develops a strange feeling for sirius’ sister (reader) when she comes to london once her job required her to move. he first off thought she was a shitty person, an awful one with an awfully pretty face. so when sirius offers for her to stay in their loft until she finds an apartment, he decides he’s going to make her want to get out of there as fast as possible, until he wants her to stay more than anything in this whole world.

a/n: omg im so sorry this took so long, i tried my best w this one. also, english isn’t my first language so sorry for any mistakes. inspired by i can see you - taylor swift

warnings: mdni. smut with plot, afab!reader, use of she/her pronouns in reference to reader, use of y/n (I AM SORRY), afab!reader, being shorter than james, muggle & modern day!au, chef!peter, ships included (dorlene, marylily, wolfstar), swearing, cuddling, mentions of alcohol and drinking, a lot of physical touch, kind of public??, kissing, praise, v soft dom!james, fingering, oral (m receiving), light choking, size kink??, penetration, unprotected (don’t do this please), overstimulation

for the past two years, you started to have weekly calls with your brother, to update him on your life and know what’s happening on his.

you got transferred to london because of your job, you couldn’t find any apartments online and you were supposed to move the other week, being really desperate you told him about it, hoping he knew a real estate agent or something like that, but you were incredibly caught by surprise with his answer.

“thats such nonsense, you should just stay in my empty room until you find another place.” sirius said, his phone on speaker as he made a sandwich in the kitchen. james eyed him with a confused look on his face, but sirius decided to ignore it.

“really?” you ask, hopeful, you really could take a break from looking for apartments.

“of course. i mean, remus has practically moved into my room, so we just need to take some stuff of his out, but yeah, its no big deal.” james couldn’t help but look at him like he was crazy, remus’ room was right next to his, hell, remus’ room had a bathroom adjoined to his. james was starting to feel faint.

as soon as sirius got off the phone with you, he started blabbing.

“what the fuck, sirius?!” james said loudly, sirius sighed, putting his sandwich harshly on the plate.

“what now? i’m really just trying to eat here”

“your sister? really?” he looked like he was about to faint.

“she’ll pitch in on the rent, don’t worry about that” your brother tried to get him calm.

“oh please, i dont care about that! you know how i feel about sharing spaces” he was getting stressed, he couldn’t help it. “and you know how i feel about your family, i have been telling you to be more careful these past years but you don’t listen at all!”

it really had to be remus’s room? couldn’t peter just switch rooms and lend her his instead?

“she’s not like my parents, and neither is regulus, they didn’t do anything” sirius paused, “do your best friend a favor, will you?” and he knew he was going to.

“she’s not messy or nosy or anything like that, right?” james asked, giving into it fully.

“please, shes a cleaning freak, she’s worse than my mother” he paused. “that’s an exaggeration but she’s not messy at all, i swear. you wont even notice she’s around.” james doubted that, but he knew how much sirius missed his siblings, and he knew how fond sirius was of you.

james swore to himself he was going to get you to leave either way, he didn’t want you there and he didn’t care if he had to pay more rent because of it. he didn’t like you, he never did. even in school, before the whole sirius moving out thing, he felt weird around you. and he remembered that feeling very well, even if it was many years before, he didn’t feel like he could forget.

-

your moving truck arrived at the building a few hours before you, but when you got there, sirius had already arranged your furniture, which did make you a bit emotional. he had even bought a toothbrush, carefully arranging it in the right side of the cabinet, the side that pointed towards the door of the bathroom that led to your room.

the boys came to pick you up at the train station, you recognized them from sirius’ social media. they were everywhere.

you were extremely confused on why all of them had come and pick you up, you were hoping to see your brother standing awkwardly, instead he was there with all of his roommates. you felt like you were a teenage girl again, trying to talk to your brother during lunch, but his friends were always around.

you recognized remus from the photos he sent you, and peter was always on the background of your calls with him baking something.

and then there was james.

james potter. you didn’t know how to feel about him anymore. when your brother first introduced you, you found him attractive, but then you hated him.

when your brother ran away to his home you couldn’t help but hate him.

sure, your house wasn’t the best place in the world, but he took away your older brother, how were you supposed to feel?

as time passed you started to tolerate his presence. now you really don’t care about him, but he sure looked better than he usually did many years before.

-

you felt like you could kill him.

after living with james for a month you found him obnoxious, rude, annoying and a few other things you were too lazy to mention.

but the thing you hated the most was how invasive he could be.

you barged into his room, he was laying there, crumbs all over his red shirt.

"you should learn how to knock" he rolled his eyes when he said it, your brows furrowed.

"you ate my brownies." you had baked a few because it was bring your kid to work day and you were in charge of the snacks.

“they were really good, i thought peter made them” james paused. “he runs a restaurant downtown, you know, he’s always baking and-“

“i’m gonna have to make a whole new batch. you ate like ten of them.” you were about to get a really bad headache depending on his answer.

“i told you, they were really good.”

if you were in a cartoon you would’ve turned red and there would be smoke coming out of your nostrils and your ears. you had no comment.

you hated when he did that, just compliment you so you couldn’t really hate him that much anymore.

he used your shampoo, but it smelled really nice.

he ate your leftovers, but you really know how to order chinese food.

he even wore one of your biggest shirts you bought when you were in college because you were too lazy to buy pajamas and suddenly that shirt was really nice, because, sure, james potter actually listened to avril lavigne.

he shrunk one of your favorite sundresses, you almost cried that day and he never even apologized.

the list went on and on, and somehow, every compliment of his sounded like he was taunting you, making fun of you right in front of your face and all you could ever do was thank him.

maybe that’s just how you were, polite no matter what. but you sure didn’t want to be polite to james that day.

“no, you don’t get to do that” you felt like you were being crazy.

“what do you mean?” he chuckled. he so did not chuckle.

“you don’t get to compliment me! that doesn’t bring my brownies back!” the word brownie sure sounded stupid in that moment.

“i’ll bake more for you, but they’ll suck, you know that” he actually sat on the bed to argue, how kind of him.

“the kids will probably die if they eat your brownies.”

“you’re feeding children? where do you even work?” he looked so confused and you kept getting angrier.

“do i really look like the kind of person who would eat a hundred billion thousand brownies? god, james, why can’t you just not touch my shit?”

“that’s not even a real number and there were a lot of them! i thought it wouldn’t make a difference!”

“it wouldn’t, if you had eaten one or two, but you ate half of them!”

“oh please, lets put it to a maximum of 25%, alright?” you felt like you were going absolutely insane. he was probably going to get you in a mental hospital and you’d be walking around, looking half dead, murmuring ‘brownies brownies brownies, i want my brownies back’.

you decided to just give up, slamming the door the hardest you could while heading out.

-

as halloween came around, the bickering with james stopped, you didn’t quite know if it was because of the season or you just got used to each other, but you didn’t mind it much. he could be very exhausting when upset, and you were sure you could too.

you loved fall, maybe it was that you were in a great mood. pumpkin flavored stuff, candles and everything else included.

on the day before halloween, you woke up early, you had to go apartment hunting and once you got back you would try and help peter make deserts. even though your ghost shaped cookies look like very sick jellyfish, you wanted to help. it was the most you could do, you weren’t paying rent, sirius wouldn’t let you. and they were going to throw a party on the next day so you wanted to help them get everything settled.

when you got home you were so incredibly tired, you had spent all day out and it was already 9pm. you had to walk so much you felt like you were your feet would fall off because they were used more on that day than they were your entire life. you were more upset you didn’t get to help with the food though, the pain didn’t really matter that much compared to that.

you just wanted to lay on your bed, put your feet up and-

giggles.

there were giggles coming from your room.

and then you remembered it, the neighbors, a few girls that went to the same school as you and were very good friends with your brother were staying over. a big slumber party of some sort, you and james were sleeping in the living room, because, of course, the four girls formed two couples and they would sleep together separately. no actual bed for you tonight! you really liked them though, so you couldn’t complain.

you knocked on the door to your own room and marlene opened it, cheeks flushed, and you could see dorcas on your bed, doing something on her phone.

“hi, lene” you decided to call her that because sirius called her that, it was cute. “sorry for bothering you both, i just wanted to get my pillow, my blanket and change real quick”

“oh sure, come in” she opened the door and you went straight for the drawer under the bed, grabbing a light green heavy one, you usually used that on winter but it was a cold night and you didn’t really want to bother them by taking your usual one from off the bed.

you never changed clothes so fast, tossing them in the laundry bin along with a shit ton of james’ shirts that were on his side of the sink.

“thank you, have a nice night”

you sighed while going to the living room, to find james sitting on the armchair, shirtless and wearing sweatpants, drinking a beer and watching that 70s show (again). you decided to ignore how good he looked and just get some rest because you really didn’t want go think about james in that moment, or ever as a matter of fact.

you lay down on the couch and throw the blanket over your head.

“you know what bums me out about this show?” james says abruptly, like you would really like to know. you grunt, waiting for his answer. “they really didn’t know when to stop it, its only good until what? season-“

“james, im really tired, i just wanna get some rest, please” you get out from under the covers to say that, so he ignores it fully.

“how did apartment hunting go?” he asks, pausing the episode and asking alexa to turn on some playlist with songs a sad dad would listen to.

“shitty, theres not one good place up for rent in this city, its actually sick”

“yeah, thats tough” he pauses for a brief moment “come here” he said, patting his knee. was he asking you to sit on his lap? was he going fucking crazy?

“i’m sorry, what?” you were so confused, since when was he like that to you?

“get up, sit here with me a little.” were you dreaming? was this one of those weird wet dreams you had in high school?

“james, i’m really tired, my back hurts and i really want to lay-“

“i’ll give you a massage, it’s whatever” he answered, a sad puppy look on his face.

you gave in. you walked over to him and sat on the arm of the chair, but he pulled you onto his lap.

“i need to be close to you, if i’m not it’s really awkward and uncomfortable.” some song you didn’t know was playing.

it was slow and sounded old, you didn’t recognize it.

“james come on, im really tired.” you say, smiling though, you didn’t know why he was doing this. he must’ve had an awfully good day.

“just for a bit.” why were his hands on your waist? why were you nervous. you nodded, you felt that if you opened your mouth to speak, nothing would come out.

you could feel his breathing on your neck, his hands roaming your waist as he lead them up to your shoulders.

his hands were on the low of your back, under your shirt. that was certainly new, and that was really not a massage, but you weren’t complaining.

you looked back at him, wide eyed, what was he doing?

once you turned your face to look at him, you couldn’t look away anymore.

maybe it was how nice he looked in the paused lighting of the tv, maybe it was how warm he felt, when the weather was so chilly recently, whatever it was, it hooked you.

he was looking straight into your eyes and you felt so open to him, it was weird to see him like this.

you felt like you were back in school being head over heels for your brother's best friend.

you heard keys jingling outside, so you stepped away, leaving him sat by himself wondering what he did wrong. sirius opened the door abruptly, scaring james, who looked at him confused.

“sorry, mate, the door was … hey! is that my instrumental playlist?” james turned a bit pink.

“yeah, I was just...” he looked at you. “forget it.” he turned it off. you were pretending to be unbothered, looking at something on your phone.

you couldn’t quite wrap your mind around what had just happened.

you unfolded the sofa into a bed, getting comfortable on the right side, but then you felt his eyes back on you as sirius went into his own room.

“oh, sorry. do you want the couch? i can sleep on the chair, i don’t really-“

“we can share. don’t worry about it.” you nod at his comment. what had gotten into him? he turned off the lights, leaving the tv on. you were trying to calm down, sleeping in the same place as him, being nervous about it was so silly, but, still, you could feel your heartbeat.

“you wanna pick something?” he interrupted your thoughts, you didn’t want to watch anything. you wanted it to be over as soon as possible.

“no, you can just go back to your thing, i don’t mind it.” you answered. he laid down by your side.

fuck.

you were going to share the damn blanket.

he unpaused the tv, putting the remote on the right arm of the couch, that was your side. his arm went over you, he wrapped his arm around your waist once he went back to his side, though half of it was empty.

was he trying to spoon you? you could feel yourself getting nervous, your body starting to feel hot.

you (stupidly) decided to test his actual intentions with that, turning to your side to see if he’d pull you in, he quickly did.

you could have died right there.

he had never even hugged you before, was he really horny or something? and so you felt it.

‘oh my god.’ you thought to yourself repeatedly.

you felt his hand on your waist, pulling you closer to him, which was basically impossible with your ass already glued to his crotch.

you ended up sleeping like that, waking up in the morning to the ‘are you still watching?’ screen.

the day was fine, and you found out you and James had a lot in common, you ended up talking the entire evening, he spent the whole party next to you.

you slept in separate rooms at night, but you still spent a while with him in his room talking about all sorts of things. you never imagined how you and james could be alike. you never imagined how he could be so sweet, funny and nice.

after the fall holidays you and james became closer and closer, when labor day came up you realized how much you liked him and when thanksgiving came around, you realized how you might actually be falling for him.

he didn’t help with that at all. he was always touching you, you even ended up cuddling when you would watch some awful movie in his room.

you never really got if he liked you as a friend or he wanted something more, until christmas.

you carefully placed your gifts under the tree on christmas eve, so in the morning when you saw a little box with your name on it, you were incredibly excited.

everyone was sat on the living room floor, opening gifts. in the little box was an envelope and it was from all of the guys. there was something written in the paper inside but you didn’t want to read it at the moment.

“thanks” you smiled, but you didn’t quite know what it meant.

“we all talked and we want you to put your name on the lease.” sirius said quickly, looking at you anxiously.

“like, actually?” you ask, starting to feel extremely happy because you loved living with them.

“yeah” remus answered, smiling.

“thanks, i really appreciate it.” you couldn’t stop smiling, it felt great to know they wanted you there. james, who was sitting next to you, gave you a one arm hug and a kiss on the forehead.

“so you’re gonna let me pay rent now?” you ask to your brother, smiling.

“i guess so.” he replied. you knew he was happy too. “gonna get you an actual gift though”

they were planning a big christmas party, they invited some people from work, the girls and some other people you didn’t really know, so you were expecting to spend the night with james. you went all out, put on your favorite red dress which was short but still fancy for the event.

once you were ready, half of the party was already there, including all of james’ coworkers and friends. you sat next to him on the couch, they were all there all talking about something from his work you didn’t really understand.

they were all dressed up too, but what shocked you the most was that james was wearing a suit, sure, his necktie was already loose and the buttons on his shirt too, but he looked amazing.

“can i stay with you for the rest of the night? i don’t really know anyone here.” you whispered into his ear, nervous about the answer.

“sure” he nodded. “hey, henry” he called for his coworker that was sitting on the arm of ouch.

“yeah?” the guy answered.

“this is y/n, the friend i was telling you about the other day.” james gestures to you. you can’t help but smile awkwardly and wonder what he said about you.

“oh, hi! pleasure to meet you.” he got up from his chair and shook your hand, smiling at james and nodding. what did that mean?

“pleasure to meet you too.” you smile at him.

“i’m just gonna get some drinks, i’ll ill be right back. do you want something?” james asked you.

“just a soda.” he gets up and heads to the kitchen.

“so, tell me, how are your brownies?” henry jokes, you look at him confused.

“good, i guess, but thats a biased opinion.” you answer, curious on how he knew about your brownies.

“you know, james talks about you all the time.” he comments, you were sure he already had a few drinks.

“really? what does he say?”

“when you first moved in he hated you, you know? he always said it was fun to make you mad and all. but since october he’s been so nice when he talks about you, i personally think he fancies you, but i wouldn’t know. i don’t think he’d tell me if he did, specially because you’re his friends sister and all.” he was rambling but you really enjoyed the part he said about james seeing you as more than a friend, you enjoyed it so much you didn’t even pay attention to what he said after that.

“i doubt it, we just turned into good friends, that’s all.”

“nah, i think he wants to make you into something else.” henry might’ve just made your entire night with that phrase. you couldn’t hide your smile anymore.

“here’s your soda, a beer for you, henry” james handed the drinks and took a sip of his coke. you sat next to him, holding your soda in both of your hands, looking down at it nervously. “did something happen?” he asked you.

“no, just thinking ‘bout something” you answer, looking into his eyes now. he smiles, wrapping his arm around your waist. that makes you so flustered, you feel your entire body getting warmer and that’s just the start of it.

for the rest of the night, he stayed by your side. his hand resting on your waist, thigh, around your shoulders, wherever he wanted them. you could feel your heart beating in your chest for most of the time. he had never done that before, not in public and surely not like that, not in a sexual manner, at least that’s how you identified it, because one thing was a friendly touch, the other was what he was doing.

he made you feel needy, aching for more - he was making you want him.

did he notice? did he ever even perceive how he made you feel? how could he not?

goosebumps covered you once he grazed your thigh for the first time out of five, the fifth was when he finally let his hand stay put there.

it made you feel crazy, it really did.

you didn’t know if he meant it as you took it, but you really hoped he did.

the party was still going around 1am, james had disappeared and you were left sitting on the couch, waiting for him to come back.

you couldn’t stop thinking about him and it made you feel kind of silly. you were a bit disappointed that nothing happened but you sort of expected it. you knew nothing would actually occur, but still, it made you a bit sad. maybe the touch lead you on, but it-

you looked at your phone once it vibrated and you felt the absolute need to scream because of how excited the text made you, but you didn’t.

‘James: come to my room once you read this, please.’

you didn’t think much of it, though you would’ve come if he just asked you to like he normally did.

you finished your drink and knocked on his door. he opened it but didn’t look at you, his eyes were focused on your knees, he looked nervous.he was still wearing his pants and the dress shirt, except it was unbuttoned. shit.

“y/n?” he was looking at you now.

fuck.

“yeah?”

“you look really good tonight.”

“i clean up nice sometimes.” you smile.

“oh please, you always look good” he turned a bit pink once he said it. “and thats a really nice dress” his voice was low when he said it, was he actually hitting on you?

“thank you” you whispered, you couldn’t help but feel anxious as his body got closer to yours.

“you know, i’ve been thinking about something for a while now” he says. you could feel your stomach start to twist and turn because you were so anxious on what he was doing next. you hummed, making sure he would continue what he was saying, but he didn’t.

he just kissed you like it was the easiest thing in the world. he pulled you into his room and closed the door, locking it quickly.

the feeling of his lips on yours was something you craved for a while now, you needed it so much you started to wonder if it was normal for you to need something this much.

you couldn’t stop once it started. his hands were on your hips and you tugged onto his hair desperately.

kissing him is redefining the whole concept of kissing to you, and probably ruining every other sexual experience you could have for the rest of your life.

he pushed you into the door, his hands now on your ass.

“shit” he let out quickly as he stopped kissing you so roughly and started giving you quick pecks. “you have no idea how long i wanted to do this.” you hummed. “you’re so fucking hot, it makes me crazy.” the praise was making your stomach twist again, a wet spot being formed between your legs.

he carried you with your legs around his body and took you to his bed. the same bed you have used to lay down to watch movies, to just gossip or discuss things, to do whatever.

he sat down and kept you on his lap, straddling him, but you needed more. as he kissed you roughly and messily you would casually rock your hips, causing friction. after you did that a few times he laid you down on the bed, telling you to stop being such a tease, he got on top of you, supporting himself with his knees, one of them between your legs, causing friction and making you more aroused.

when he started playing with the strings that held the dress together, you knew you were done for, so you let him undo the bow, kissing your neck. he was messy, sometimes he would bite and it would send bolts of electricity down your spine.

“james…” you let out as he bit you again.

“tell me” he said, trailing his kisses down to your clavicle. “can i take this off too?” he asked, playing with your bra. you nodded but he didn’t move an inch.

“i need to hear you say it. can i take this off?” he was such a fucking tease, it made you go crazy. he loved to hear your voice, he knew you wanted him to take it off, he just liked to hear you say it.

“yes, please” you struggled to hold in a moan once he started sucking on your neck.

“thank you” he answered, looking back to the hickey he gave you. “hmm, that’s gonna leave a mark, sorry baby” baby? he had never called you that, you hummed as he took off his collared shirt and then proceeded to take off your bra . he groaned at the sight of you, which drove you mad. his growing bulge was exposed.

he was big.

you immediately regretted every single time you had made a small dick joke (sure, there were only 2 times but they did happen).

he was on his knees, towering over you.

“you’re so pretty”, he leaned down to kiss you again, this time more eager than ever. his right hand cupped your jaw as his left one roamed your body, making you ache for more and more. “i really wanna touch you” he whispered and went back to kissing you, his left hand now between your thighs, waiting for permission to move.

“please” you whisper, stopping the kiss briefly. he kept on kissing you as he stimulated you through the fabric of your underwear, but that didn't happen for long, especially because of how wet it was, he needed to touch you, he couldn't help himself. the dress was so hiked up it looked like a shirt, but instead of helping you take it off, he pulled it down a bit, so he had access to your chest. he immediately started kissing around your left tit, making you go absolutely insane. and that combined with the sudden touch to your clit? yeah, you were getting fucked up that night.

he was better than anyone had ever been to you. sucking in your nipple and fingering you slowly, he was making you go crazy, needing him more.

he stopped sucking on your nipple and went back to your neck, his hand not stopping at all. the right one went to cover your mouth as you moaned.

“be quiet, hm? want everyone to listen? don’t wanna stuff that pretty mouth of yours too” his non dominant hand went to your neck, choking you lightly as his other one fucked into you. you were so close to cumming, with his thumb stimulating your clit as his other fingers went in and out of you, he knew that you were close, specially with the way your pussy was tightening around him. “so fucking tight, aren’t you? can’t imagine how you’re gonna feel around my cock” he stopped and took his fingers out, making you whine, missing the feeling of him.

“jameees” you moan, finding the courage in you to pull him in, giving him a kiss.

“take it off”

“what?” you’re confused.

“the dress, i really wanna fuck you in it but i don’t wanna ruin it.” he lets out. “take it off” he sounded like he was ordering you, and you loved it so much, you wanted to give something back to him.

“i will, but can i suck you off first?” you ask, looking at him doe eyed, and how could he say no?

“you really want to?” he asks, furrowed brows, you nod, quickly getting on your knees as he unbuckles his belt, throwing it on the carpet. he got up and pulled his pants down, staying just in his boxers, he climbed back into bed with you, kissing you sweetly.

you were on your knees in front of him, pulling his cock out of his underwear, stroking it lightly then kissing the tip. you take him in your mouth, using your hands to stroke what couldn’t fit, which, frankly, was about a bigger portion of it. he was the biggest you ever had.

“fuck” he groaned at the movements you were making, using his left hand to get strands of hair out of your face, as his right one supported him on the bed. he was trying not to thrust into your mouth but you were making it so hard. “your mouth was made for me, baby” he whispered, looking into your eyes. his free hand went to your neck, choking you just a bit, as your head bobbed up and down, taking as much as possible.

“so good, your mouth feels so goddamn good honey” he groaned as he finished the sentence and you used your non dominant hand to cup his balls. he was moaning a bit and it was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen or heard, though you were sure you would see hotter things that same night. he started thrusting lightly, he couldn’t help himself, specially with how good your mouth made him feel.

“stop” he ordered you, and so you did, a pop sound being made as you stopped sucking and looked up at him.

“did i do something wrong?” you ask, brows furrowed. his hand hasn’t left your neck, and so he pulls you in by it. his tongue went straight in your mouth, he needed to taste him on your lips.

“i wanna fuck you” he said, looking into your eyes, waiting for any kind of response.

“yes. please do” you quickly say, kissing him quickly.

“the dress” he remembers and you quickly take it off, not stopping the staring for a second.

“want you down on all fours” he says, getting on his knees. you do as he commands, getting in an arch position as he’s on his knees behind you. he can see that you still haven’t taken off your underwear, he bites on your ass cheek and then pulls it down with his teeth.

“you don’t mind if i keep this, don’t you?” he asks, helping you take it off fully. “it’s already ruined”

“it’s yours” you look back at him, he’s smirking like the devil. he throws your underwear into his bedside drawer.

“gotta keep it safe” he whispers. you can feel his bulge through his boxers as he leans in to kiss your neck, you whine, needing him more.

“patience, i’m gonna give it to you, sweetheart” his right hand gave your ass a smack. “up” he said, signaling for you to arch your back even more. as you do so, he groans, pressing his covered member against your wet cunt.

“you’re so pretty like this, all for me?” he asked, using his hand to play with your clit.

“y-yes, all yours” you said, trying not to whine mid sentence.

“good girl. mine” he gave your shoulder a quick peck. “gonna put it in now, okay? tell me if you wanna stop” he took his dick from out of his boxers and pumped it a few times. you could’ve fainted once you felt his tip lined up to your entrance.

he went in slowly, he was way to big for you. every time you thought he was done, there would still be more of him left.

“jaaames” you would whine

“just a bit left; don’t worry, princess” once he was fully inside of you, you felt amazing, like you were in heaven. “you’re so fucking tight, ‘feels so good” he said, trying to to groan, his voice was raspy.

if took a few thrusts for you to get used to his size, but as soon as he picked up a pace, you were a mess. you couldn’t hold in your sounds, the way he was stimulating your clit was absolutely killing you.

“be fucking quiet” he demanded with a groan, “you want everyone to know who you belong to, huh?” he didn’t stop, he just went quicker as a matter of fact.

“fuck!” you squealed as he pinched your clit, his thrusts began to be more rough, you couldn’t even focus. you’re eyes kept rolling back, your mind was fully blank and the only thing that was coming out of your mouth in that moment was a mixture of james, fuck, shit and a few other curse words.

you were in ecstasy.

“you like this, don’t you?” he was grunting lowly in between every few thrusts. you were so close, you felt your high coming to you, the way he was fucking you was not helping with you trying to hold it.

“james ohmygod james, im gonna cum” you say, trying not to stumble over your words.

“ask nicely and i’ll let you” he said, stopping the stimulation on your clit and thrusting harder. he was close too, the way your tight pussy would clench around him was making him go insane.

“please let me cum, james. need it so bad” you blurted out in between whining and moaning. he grins and goes back to stimulating you.

“good girl, do it” he went faster and didn’t stop playing with your clit. your eyes rolled back and you let it go.

your walls clench tight around him, he didn’t stop as you made a mess all over his dick.

as you finished, his thrusts only got harder, you were feeling so overstimulated and you felt like he was close too.

“fuck, sweetheart. gonna cum inside you, that’s alright?” you moaned in answer.

his hips stuttered and you felt his cock twitch spilled inside of you, his juices mixing with yours.

he made sure he got rid of every single drop.

your legs were shaking as he pulled out and tucked himself back into his underwear, you collapsed on the bed and he laid down next to you.

“wanna go back to the party?” he jokes, looking into your eyes.

“shut up” you reply, looking at the ceiling of his room.

“gonna clean you up, okay?” james assured you as he threw you a shirt of his that was under the bed. you put it on but pulled him closer to you.

“okay, but just stay with me for a while if that’s alright.” you asked.

“always” he pressed a kiss onto your forehead and you knew that this was not going to be a one time thing.

[fictionfixations]

i had a thought

spoilers for up to book 6 (i thought dump. A LOT.)

remember the prologue

i have a thought so im sharing it

question: what does he think we can even do to stop. well. anyone??? nobody really listened to us (considering we're magicless too a bunch of ppl would look down on us) until we became like friends to them n stuff?? well ace and deuce listened to us i think but we were united under a goal that at all costs had to be reached. to not get expelled. (except us i forgot what was going to happen to us. ..cause we're not actually students ??. ACTUALLY where the fuck are our papers? did crowley just. make them up? cause if you need papers to expel someone then you need some written form of proof then. which means each student probably has files for them, like. say. proof of 'hey this person goes to this school' etc etc. what did he do with us? did he just not admit we existed to the government? but literally everyone in the school knows we exist so surely one of them blabbed like. idk. maybe some stereotypical rich brat whose like 'EWW THERES sOME' uh 'MAGIcLESs PERSON COMMON fOLK wHAtever the fuck IN THIS prestigious SCHOOL!' and like idfk like how ig maybe some of the rich think the poor will give them a disease just by breathing the same air as them [actually maybe they could though but like YKNOW what i mean] but like. if we're just completely undocumented, excluding the unexplainable shift of some funds for ramshackle i IMAGINE so we can pay for shit and live then are we not really. documented anywhere else? styx probably has something but uhh. also theres probably a bunch of law violations attached that i cant even be bothered to touch at the moment. also there are magic diseases right? but so they also have immunities to stuff. but we're from a completely different world so we've never had contact with their sicknesses. so like. ...yknow how theres a ban around like this one island i cant remember the name of because if you interact with them you'll spread stuff to them theyve never been in contact before with that you might not even realize u have cause ur immune and they'll die? like its illegal to go there at all, they're living entirely without technology. also they're hostile. you will die if you go there [if you dont get caught by the people patrolling to make sure they stay without contact]. ..i mean stuff has happened outside of canon we can see. its canonical that the overblot peeps have gone to counseling and medical mages. so maybe im making a big deal out of nothing)

im. sorry. i got really distracted i didnt intend to spiral down to papers i meant to talk about something else

so just. listen.

actually about the expelling ^ three as in Grim, Ace, and Deuce. oh (so wait if they got in trouble would we just. ..still be able to stay?? ?? he doesnt even address us?? well actually grim isnt a student yet but theres FOUR of us not three then so ????)

wait sorry how did we get here ?? (why are we involved? i dont think crowley spoke to us at all when he was angry at the others with the chandelier 😭)

the wiki might be outdated a little because it doesnt update itself when dialogue changes, people have to notice it and then take the time to add it if anything changed so this is from

so if anything changed since then well huh

(if he blamed us for not being able to stop two teenagers with magic while im magicless though i wouldve been throwing hands but im glad crowley hasnt gone that far. ..he still put a firebreathing cat into our custody though. ramshackle dorm is very flammable isnt it? is dust flammable? idk. a lot of wood also i dont think they know what fire extinguishers are. youd think someone would deal with the flames during the entrance ceremony besides riddle and azul trying to catch the flame setter. or if we have one its very unmentioned.)

but so considering grim is our responsibility.. i have to ask how we're meant to stop him..?

like so this is before we really bond with him (aka we find him annoying. unless u got attached to him right away which good for you, i dont know when he wormed his way into my heart but he did at one point and i realized it at the end of i think book 5 aka ignihyde teaser) so grim wouldnt really listen to us (looks down on us)

also i dont know about you but burns HURT. ive burned myself a few times but they're not like the really bad ones (i dont know the difference between degrees and i feel like googling it will haunt me in my nightmares). i imagine grim cant shoot fire too far? maybe a little more shorter/mid range? what even is mid range idk (and the reason it lasted to hit the statue was because of ace's wind magic imo)

well either he can control the range or he can only shoot it out so far. so then. we'd be really close trying to catch him. maybe its in one of the twistunes where he's running away. he turns around and shoots fire at you. fucking OW (also its BLUE. i dont know how colored fire works, but assuming its blue because its even hotter than normal fire. um. ow.)

like SIR im new to this world i dont know how things work

its like... like being saddled with a baby after being suddenly kicked out of the house with no warning (and thus without any of your stuff besides the clothes youre wearing. ..but youve also been isolated from the world youre whole life so WHAT theres MAGIC? whats this about strange laws i dont know about-- wait THIS IS A BOYS ONLY SCHOOL? .........THERES FURRIES?) and the baby is VIOLENT

like HOLD on a second let me at least get a source of income first before giving me a being that utterly depends on me to survive (well. grim can probably survive on his own if we assume he's lived on his own for a bit until NRC. but um. ...well theres a reason there probably needs to be a bunch of childproofing for grim.) when i can barely figure out how to survive here

so. i feel i got very sidetracked. but its also nearing the time i sleep so my brain is slowing down on me and my thoughts have veered off the train tracks enough that this is just a whole mess of thoughts spewing out

i hope im making sense but im probably not

wanted to crowley bash because why are you putting me in charge of people probably the same age as me (minus grim) but with an advantage against me considering they have magic and i dont (not to say that people who know how to fight cant beat their asses but like. ...i dont know how to fight so.)

but he also hasnt given me reason to in canon i guess (if anythings happened outside of prologue i have no recollection of it. i just went through the wiki searching for every page with 'bill' or 'expense' in it)

surprisingly fanfiction either turns to 'crowley is an asshole' (and also actually pays attention to yuu and blames them like oh) or 'parent crowley' which speaks for itself (and is very cute in its own right but i also dont like him regardless as i dislike all adults that put responsibilities on children to be fucking idk child soldiers or to fight shit or deal with shit. i mean crowley doesnt go that far but i still dont like him)

those fics though start from prologue and go in order (some include vignettes and events) so i assumed that it followed it close enough to be a recreation but [so and so] but i was wrong apparently

still tho

[artisticmenace]

Hii!! I keep forgetting but I always wanted to ask! On your intro page(?) it mentioned a project of yours called ‘those days’?

I’m REEEEAAALLY interested on learning more about it!!! Lore drop?

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR CENTURIES

so basically Those Days is a comic that i am currently making. its about two guys, Scott and Rodney who are both 58 and live in the midwest(because i do). Scotts sister Deb has just passed away so his great nephew, Danny comes down. The story is them telling him(and this chick named Candy, which im still figuring out how to introduce) about their life and how they met. I have over fifty issues written, but none released because after a while, it was kind of a chore, and i wasn't sure if anyone was interested! so THANK YOU SOOOOO MMUCH for asking about it!

Scott is based off of those "bad" kids that are actually really nice and are sort of vigilantes. Rodney is an easy bullying victim and even though he could totally do something about it, he doesnt.

this is very much a story about people and what they are and how your initial judgment is not always the correct assumption. its also very much how the key word in the last part of that is ALWAYS. its about life.

ill leave some character intros under the cut i case you want those too bc i could blab all day about them. scott and rodney may or may not be my sons. my boys. there will be art too. probably silly art. mostly the main group of characters. not their families though because i have barely drawn them(character design is tricky)

if you want to see all my silly drawings, they'll be tagged #those days comic or with the characters full name. but yeah THANK YOU FOR ASKING ABOUT THAT!!! I HAVE MOTIVATION NOW!!!! ok character rant under the more heeeheee

This is Scott

Scott has quite possibly the worst rbf ever and he looks like a scary mean guy. he steals his moms makeup because he can and he wears black eyeshadow 24/7. in reality, hes very nice and also has depression. hes a male MANIPULATED and has 6 semi terrible ex gfs. he is sort of homophobic at the beginning which is important to his lore. but even being a sad son of a bitch he can still beat the hell out of someone with a baseball bat. which leads to my next point. hes an adrenaline junkie. another design thing im slowly figuring out is simplifying his tattoos. theyre all on his torso and theyre all flowers. he loves flowers.

ROOOODNEYYYYY!!!!!

a lot of the time im trying to figure out how to draw him better tbh. Rodney has a prey animal stare. and he behaves much the same. hes pretty chubby but hes also fairly strong. he is very much a victim of child abuse but instead of becoming a bully, he just kinda gives up. he doesnt really have motivations outside of survival and hes not sure why. in fact, the primary reason he stuck around scott after meeting him was because scott believed him immediately after he said he didnt do something and made him feel safe. under the surface of being a prey animal, hes also incredibly angry. angry about a lot.

LUCY CAMPBELL EVERYBODY!!!

i dont draw her a lot...

Lucy is scotts lesbian ex gf and best friend ever. she kind of pushes them together because she knows too much. shes incredibly easy to talk to and people would confess to basically anything to her. design wise she also has a terrible rbf and DONT BE FOOLED!!! SCOTT STOLE HER LOOK WITH THE EYESHADOW!!! she also has lots of tattoos and actually gave scott all of his.

JORDAN AND DIANE (theyre kind of a set)

again. barely draw them and diane has had a few revisions.

diane and jordan are very much gay and in love. diane's family is like. the only immigrant family for miles. shes very nice but fairly cynical. shes very used to the notion that she has to find her way in the world and that if she doesnt fight, she wont survive. jordan is anxious as hell and dianes sister HATES her because she knows that jordan is a lesbian and is in love with diane. jordan also doesnt know why or how shes alive.

edward! ive only drawn him once.

eddie is lucys adopted brother. hes brilliant and silly. also gay as hell. idk if youve realized but almost none of these people are straight. edward isnt a very developed character because he is very much a supporting static character.

clyde and parker

clyde and parker are the two main members of scotts gang. its not really a gang but it might as well be. they dont really become important until the whole 1992 thing. youll find out. clyde was scotts best friend for a long time before he started hanging out with rodney. they have some very complicated history. diversity win! clyde finds out that he, too, is bisexual and gets with eddie! i dont know if ill wver bring that up in comic.

so thats basically the main cast of characters youll see in the comic. THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!! SORRY I YAPPED SO MUCH HAHA.

the comic will be release on a separate blog called @thosedayscomic there isnt really much on there except a mini comic that takes place around 1996, scott and rodneys thirties. its just scott getting home from work and going to sleep haha.

[cerealmonster15]

Heyyyyy *tucks hair behind ear* can we get more Third Year poly? 😃

HELL YEAH LET'S GO sorry in advance if me saving an ask as a draft causes any tumblr glitches or if i missed any autocorrect/typos bc i did some of this on my phone late at night 🕺 also this is mostly just going to be me Blabbing Forever til i get tired or hit some sort of limit so WOOHOO THIRD YEAR DIVORCE POLYCULE TIME!!!

a readmore because there is a Lot of Text and Screenshots and Doodles so. it is a long post. SORRY.

i have so many twst thoughts just floating in my brain at all times so i didnt know where to start, but i did peek on your blog and see trey clover postings + trey/malleus which gives me the starting point of FIRELIT SKY OVER SANDS EVENT MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a big W for trey/cater/malleus community [and also jamil had fun interactions with them but SORRY JAMIL THIS IS ABOUT THE THIRD YEARS RIGHT NOW!!!!]. i love that event So Much. that's the main place i can recall trey and malleus interacting and also they both had so many good moments w/cay... i love that cater calls them all -kun in the japanese dialogue, even malleus who so many people are scared of. hes like teehee no you still get hit with friendly cute honorific beam <3 i think malleus' main entryways to whatever the hell the third years have going on is via treycay for marriage but also, of course, his insane divorce beams with leona. and then when he heals vil in book 6 there's no escaping the polycule. best of both worlds welcome to the family LOL

anyway it's so fucking funny that cater and trey are like the normal class citizens having shock after shock of their lives in this event, being exposed to kalim's way of life and then whatever the hell comes out of malleus' mouth jfklsjdfls. anyway the scene where they get dressed in that event is everything to me like i thought about this dialogue for So Long

like hello. Flirting. malleus telling cater he looked Bright Like Fireworks changed me as a person like i literally NEVER got over that line. And then caters like EXCUSE ME OTHER HUSBAND QUIT BEING A WALLFLOWER!!!! silly. Also

This is soooo cute caters like “hehehehe I danced with Trey in the fancy ballroom” and grim is like “wow you bitches are having too much fun 😒” ??? Like a hater I guess LOL. But Trey gets so shocked and embarrassed about it going NO I DIDNT DANCE CATER JUST PULLED ME AROUND!!! like bro it’s grim 😭just admit you love your boyfriend it's FINE!! it’s so silly lol.

but also i was so mad at them in that one scene where cater was like "omg it's the fruit that makes you friends forever if you take a pic let's take a pic!" AND THEY ALL SAID NO. WHAT THE HELL. BETRAYAL AND AGONY cater got stuck with the "dont take a picture of me i dont like having my picture taken" squad 😒 jade wouldve done it. if he were here. sorry this aint about him either FSDLKFJSKLG trey clover you have let cay take pics w/you on several occasions why'd you have to shut down his fruit. ill kill u. sjkflJKFLDJSKLF JK JK aside from that. very cute stuff.

Spices !!! lol i love that cater apparently just keeps pointing them out to trey like umm teehee doesnt that one sound sooo tasty and fun to cook with <3??? and treys like ok yes i will cook for you forever. because i love cooking and i love you. jkfdlsjfklsdj and then malleus is so funny to me hes like wow clover sure knows a lot about spices. i dont know anything about spices 😔 WHYS HE LOOK SO CRESTFALLEN ABOUT IT?? idk why that's so funny to me but it IS Lol. it's ok malleus just. marry into the polycule and trey can do all the spice IDing for you idk 👍 malleus draconia looming in the shadows of clover bakery watching his beloved normie husband bake. Hell yeah brother.

cater teaching malleus to take pics and using his hip cool teen slang that confuses him is soooo cute ough i love them. like i started shipping them i think specifically from the PE story where cay wanted a pic of malleus and malleus was TEASING HIM by running around and being all evasive, so i love that it comes back around here with more photography bonding lol. and then cater 👀 talking about malleus' music and commenting on the more melancholic vibes... this line marinates in my mind for now, i actually forgot about that one. i am 🔍 thinking a little more about how cater sometimes gets those implications and scenes where he himself is a little more on the melancholic and loner side of things, and i do think that's another point as to why i like to put him with characters like malleus and idia [also leona??] lol because i think it could be interesting to put cay in his somewhat less performative state [not to say his ENTIRE character is an act, there are layers here, but omg if i start going into my cater diamond thoughts again we'll be here forever so i will not get into that rn LOL]

anyway i would like to see cater and malleus play music together. i think there's a line somewhere - i wanna say cater's pop/light music club card had a homescreen line? where he says something about how he wanted to try a ballad out but lilia and kalim were a lil too wild hyped up or maybe that the three of them could never settle on one genre lol i forget exactly. but i think malleus with his knowledge of Stringed Instruments In General [he has a guest room line where he's just like. yeah if you have any stringed instruments i can play those. he doesnt specify which ones so i guess he just knows All Of Them. Okay.] + cater on HIS stringed instrument, the guitar... they'd be a cute little music duo. i reckon the style of music mal plays isnt what cay's used to but i think he could be into it once he's used to it. he's making that expression in the second part there ^ that doesnt look particularly off put or really anything extreme, but like hes just Thinking about it. pondering if you will. me when i over analyze one little dialogue and facial expression flkjfklsjfKLJFDSKLJF. They’re even matching their closed eyes thinking pose….

you will find my thoughts about 3rd years and also twst in general skew HEAVILY towards heartslabyul centric thoughts because. i spend the most amount of time thinking about them and who they interact with LOL like omg i know malleus and leona fight a lot but i actually genuinely struggle to remember specific instances of it besides that one laundry saga with like the ceremony robes mix up thing JFSKLFJKSDL but i sure can talk for many paragraphs about like, one off dialogues they have with cater diamond specifically.

Trey feels like a trophy husband LOL I mean not really but also kind of. Mostly bc I remember one of his cards has a home screen line where he’s like “yeah I’m the vice housewarden but it’s really decoration bc riddle does all the work himself” <- Trey when he downplays his own contributions. but also when you look at all the other third years they’re all SO MUCH and treys kinda just chillin. He keeps everyone fed while they do their antics 🫡 i also love that Trey is more or less the one with the least hostile bonds of the third years shfjcngng everyone’s fighting for their lives but Trey clover is cool. I mean Idia did list him and rook in his top 10 scary vice dorm leaders or whatever the fuck it was he said in one of the beans events LOL but ASIDE FROM THAT. god i love Idia he is so strange.

Anyway Trey and cay are soul mates bonded for life in my eyes so they are a package deal integrated into the divorce vortex of third years djffngbgbght like Trey is besties with cater and they were roomies for two years. He’s science besties with rook and they keep buddying up during events together. Vil praised him in vils lab coat story and even was convinced by Trey to take a break and have the cake he brought over lol, and I think??? That’s also where he was like “hmm I’d like to have you as pomefiores pastry guy 🧡” or whatever??? and he was like Ha Ha No Thanks I Dont Want To Do Calorie Calculations fkljdsfklsd. silly. Malleus seems impressed with treys dedication to his craft or at least bc he knows what spices are lol. i feel like theres a gap in my mind when i try to remember malleus and trey talking outside of the sands event.... also the coconut thing was funny in that event where malleus just busted one open with his bare hands and trey was like WHAT THE FUCK!!! i dont remember anyone else's reactions but i am p sure trey at least was. shaken to his core with how wild that was LOL. anyway. I think Idia finds Trey scary bc he finds everyone scary but also sees trey as the normie type guy who is good at socializing and seems unassuming on the surface but is concealing HIDDEN POWER??? I can’t remember if that’s something he actually said or if that’s my headcanon lol. Leona and Trey interact quite a bit in playful land event but I still don’t wanna say too much in case that’s spoilers for eng only people!! But Leona always has that smug smirking TENSION VIBES when he talks to his fellow third years like that bastard is trying to speedrun the marriage and divorce at the same time. He has Trey and cater in his sights actually I doodled that once I gotta find it

it was on a post about second years so i cropped it but i also left some of them in bc i think my joke was like teehee third year divorce polycule that riddle thinks is strange despite also kind of being in a divorce polycule himself with like. the fish and jamil at the very least KLFDJSKLFJKGLH but we cant get into the second years right now this aint about them WE DONT HAVE TIME!!! actually lemme see what other images i can post before i hit a limit just by skimming thru my drawing tag

heres rookvil ft leona re: rook and vil's bond when rook was still a savanaclaw and then transferred to pomefiore,,, i want to know what it was like in savanaclaw with both leona and ROOK lkfjdslf

this was something i drew after book 7 part 111 or something, i was watching the youtube fan translation so i guess it is maybe not out in engtwst yet but no context dont worry about it. dont. dont worry about it. idia and malleus.

cater rook smoochie doodle :]

classes 2c and 3b my beloveds... i am also realizing as i skim thru my drawing tag that i draw. a lot of Second Years skfjsdljgh

CAYTOBER JUMPSCARE!!!! every year in october i do a cater doodle every day because I Love Him and hes fun to draw. this one included lurking malleus, for some reason. i like when he looms behind people but hes kinda just. gripping cater by the shoulders here KLFDSJFKLG?? whatever it's fine

ALSO TREYS BIRTHDAY IS DURING CAYTOBER SO HE GETS TO HAVE DAY 25!!!! we are once again in the cater skewed territory lol

LITERALLY why do cater and vil feel like such a RAREPAIR!!!! there's a line in jpntwst in vil's R card standard uniform story with him and cater, and in the original cater's like "woahhh your eyelashes are sooo longggg [gets in his space] haha for a moment i thought about dating you~!" and vil's response is more or less "ok well you should know that dating me would be very EXPENSIVE." and caters like aw bummer hehe <3 or something like that. something along those lines. engtwst changed it to cater saying something more like "ohhh woah your eyelashes are so long for a sec i thought i was dreaming~" and vil says "well you should be glad there's not a price for dreaming about me" or whatever. honestly still a little gay but def NUKED >:[

but also while i have you here i have to talk about the cater milf enjoyer line that they ALSO nuked EVEN MORE than the dating vil line that NO ONE TALKS ABOUT i swear to god let my guy be bisexual. it's not related to the third year polycule thing but i just want to talk about it. anyway in i think either cater or trey's ceremony robes story[i mix them up bc theyre both in each other's 🧡 but i think it was probs cater's?], when cater and trey are watching the sorting ceremony and doing their game together about guessing which dorm each student will be in [btw so cute theyre playing a game together lol i love u treycay my BELOVEDS] anyway they see epel go up, and debate on if he will be in heartslabyul or not. i believe in the original theyre talking about how epel's pretty and cater's like "ooooh i bet he has older sisters~! or if he doesnt have sisters, he at least has a mom~ HEHE JKJK" like. hello. FJKSDJFLDSJGKLFJ i think treys just like 😑 about it LOL god. but then in engtwst they CHANGED IT!!!! to cater commenting that epel "looks like he does his dishes" and trey was like "you just want him in heartslabyul so he will do your dishes 😑" which is so. like. huh>????? that boy looks like he cleans up after himself and does his dishes. GIRL HELLO why does that. wh. that's such a drastically different line from before lol. like at least with the vil one it was still honestly a similar ballpark, cuz cay seemed like he was going "wow youre soooo gorgeous i thought i was dreaming~" which still feels flirty even tho they took out the DATING line, like im still mad about it but it couldve been worse i guess. wow vil you look like you do your dishes KLFJDSKLFJLK

anyway. cater and vil are so interesting to me. like a lot of times vil is rolling his eyes and calling cater out for his superficial tendencies because yeah, to be fair, cater DOES Have a habit of sweet talking to try and get something out of it - like magicam clout. HOWEVER ill defend to my death that theyre not ONLY interacting like that and they do sometimes get along jfklsdjfl specifically in the halloween events, like the first two halloweens and then also theyre both in the puppet playful land event, which is i guess not halloween in universe BUT it's twst's halloween event lol, and they DO get along and work well together in those!!! i think vil likes cater fine and doesnt mind him, but he will just call him out like he would anyone else if theyre doing something he doesnt agree with / hes like [sonic voice] IVE FOUND YOU FAKER!!! but when cater's not being suspicious hes not got reason to be aggro.

ace jumpscare!!! this was directly from a guest room fight i had between trey and cater and then ace was also there just chillin while his dorm parents tried to kill each other :3

but it's ok i also drew them smooching jsdklfjsdlgjh this all also tells me i need to draw some non cater third year ships!!!! well i will still draw cater. but i will also draw Other Ones because I LIKE THOSE TOO i just jkfjslejfk

ok this post is getting too long so i am going to cut myself off now but FIRST!!! i feel like my stoopid caterella multiverse ideas probably also applies because there are a lot of third year branches involved in that one LOL . and ummm some fics ive written for third years hmm what do i have...

this one is cater/idia and it's one of my more recent fics and tbh one of my current favorite ones ive written so far lol.

some short leona/cater sorry these ARE all going to be cater related jkljfdkslfj when it comes to fics the main things i write are something cater or something jamiazu KJSDFKLS

this one technically isnt ships but i think i reference a few, it's cater and leona hanging out and then also trey and vil are there lol

trey/cater fic about them getting together when they go to rook/vil's wedding

and then this is the only cater/malleus i've written somehow despite having drawn them a lot over the years and them being one of my early twst ships... i think about them a lot why havent i written more for them...

i also have never written cater/vil which is a crime. i tend to pair treycay with rookvil and i just hfsdhgskljel the four of them. lock them in a room together study them under a microscope forever. theyre the most married section of the overall polycule in my mind lol the least likely to fight but they will probably still bully each other for funsies sometimes because they ARE still nrc students <3

ok ok ok i am dragging myself away from the keyboard. cerealmonster talk about something that is less heartslabyul centric challenge level IMPOSSIBLE!!! sorry i like all of them but i just have heavy bias towards my fave dorm forever LOL JKSLFJSDL

[strykingback]

@krowsselfindulgy How bad is Black lagoon? Since you compared it to RWBY I feel concerned for the formers quality.

Okay just before I begin. Black Lagoon is in no way means of bad. I was just saying that it was better than RWBY. Since on twitter someone was making some idiotic comparisons on how RWBY was better than [anime name]. But I'll happily tell you that this IS WHAT A GOOD MEAL IS LIKE IN A SHOWWW!!!

But before I go ahead. WARNING: There will be spoilers for the First Two Seasons of Black Lagoon . (I'll cover the Roberta's Blood Trail Arc another time) Also Further warning! The following triggers will contain blood, gore, violence and I mean lots of violence. N*zi's, R*pe, G*re, and some racism, including Police Brutality (Also this was done during 2006 like this was a time when things were unhinged!) ___________________

Now I think we're gonna go through a few of the characters, some favorite moments of mine from the series. Then we'll just leave everything for a second part? Perhaps? Because seriously theres a lot of memorable characters and moments from this show and its no wonder why everyone is hoping for a Season 3 one day! Okay where do we start? Well why not with the fact that any RWBY stan is gonna complain and say there are no "strong women" in Black Lagoon. Yeah you know what thats kind of true y'know I should agree with them. . . .

FUCKING DEAD FUCKING WRONG.

Lets start with someone from our main cast of characters shall we?

Enter Rebecca "Revy" Lee, an Chinese American born woman who lived in an impoverished part of New York City where he would have to suffer both Physical and Sexual abuse from both her father and THE POLICE. Which leads her to have a very nihilistic viewpoint of the world and its religion as she states herself (Mostly from the Manga) that: "God didn't do shit" for her because of all the abuse she had to suffer. Not to mention at one point when she was arrested SHE WAS LITERALLY- Um.. hold up a minute. Ahaha! Redo of Healer'd!

Oh and by the way she was also killing and getting in fights with the police all at A YOUNG AGE. Oh my god she was literally putting on Black Timberlands instead of Black Air Forces..... this was until she met Dutch who she would join him as the brawn to the ELCO PT Boat, the Black Lagoon.

However her greatest flaw is her "Whitman Fever" which can lead to her violently killing anyone who gets in her way (with a few exceptions). However, its also most possible that the reason why she shoots and kills is a way to cope with her trauma...... as anyone who treats her with genuine kindness instead of attempting to betray her and somehow... this person was none other than our Rock that we'll be talking about another time. but for now... lets show some memorable moments.

Such as.. her terrifying Speech towards our Other Main Protagonist Rock (Which we will :

Or WHEN SHE AND DUTCH GOT ON A BOAT THAT WAS HIJACKED BY NEO-N*ZI'S AND SLAUGHTERED THEM ALL.. LIKE DEAR GOD LOOK AT THIS

Then there comes our second character and dear God she is.... fucking legendary... THE FORMER SOVIET VETERAN OF WAR HERSELF.

ENTER SOFIYA PAVLOVNA AKA BALALAIKA My god this woman is the definition of "I am the Shit and I dont sit around and fuck around" unlike Salem and her dumbass sitting on a Grimm throne for the past like what oh wait.. one (Volume 4), two (Volume 5), three (Volume 6), Four (Volume 7), and FIVE (Volume 8) Goddamn times! Like holy fuckin shit Salem is one of them lazy villains. but for Balalaika, she is the true meaning of Fuck around and FIND OUT.

She was a former Soviet War Veteran who participated in the Soviet-Afghan War before being disavowed and thus, she would join Hotel Moscow and regain her soldiers who were all also former soviet paratroopers. When i say she will get shit done I MEAN SHE WILL GET IT DONE BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

Such as when someone was blabbing about when they were going to assassinate the entire Lagoon Company (Which who Revy is part of) and she pulls up on him and gives off the MOST HELLA DARKEST GLARES EVER.

YOU CANNOT TELL ME SHE'S LIKE THIS IS TERRIFYING TO LOOK AT CAUSE MY GOD SHE IS THE SHIT. SALEM EAT YOUR FUCKIN' HEART OUT!

Lets not forget when Roberta the Maid (I may have to talk about that another time....) pulled up, Balalaika did her research and found out who she was and cornered her with her Vysotniki (Basically her personal army of Red Army, VDV, and Spetznaz soldiers) and still...she commands the respect of all of them. ....

Theres also the fact that she went to "war" with many gangs but when Hotel Moscows Japan branch was having trouble. She pulled up and had the Yakuza running for their life. The only thing that would be capable of saving them would be Kazama Ki- Oh yeah thats right he was still in Prison and didn't get out until 2005. Still she blitzkrieged the Yakuza quickly and made them beg for mercy!!! But no joke. Balalaika has the respect of her men has the skills of a leader, even to the point where she would happily do a favor for a dear friend. Because at one point Dutch did rescue her and she returned the favor three times.

It was no joke that Revy said that Balalaika gets off on war.... cause boy howdy she was right...but that doesnt mean shes all but a war maniac. Somewhere deep inside she has a soft spot for her men she served with as she would go as far as to avenge them by any means necessary.

Like during the Vampire Twins Arc... and I kid you not as I say this.....

BALALAIKA HAD TO SIFT THROUGH 250 SNUFF FILMS IN ORDER TO FIND THE TWO TWINS THAT KILLED HER MEN....

There was going to be no way that I would be able to get through even be able to get through the first five minutes of just ONE. Like I said before... Balalaika. DOES NOT FUCK AROUND.

Such as when Balalaika gets her vengeance on one of the killers

Or her meeting with the Kosa clan when she makes fun of the guards FLIMSY GUN AND SHOOTS THEM BOTH WITH IT!!

Okay so enough of that cause it is 7:30 PM over here... and I think I may have to save this for a part two um... so have a REALLY Funny moment from Black Lagoon that gets me rolling.

[miss-styles]

Ok wait I have a question if you feel comfortable answering on your blog! I really want to have casual sex, but my dilemma is that I’m a virgin and I would need someone to be very patient reassuring and understanding with me that first time or first few times, but I feel like that’s difficult to find when you’re hooking up especially with men. I really wish I would’ve lost it already so that I would feel more comfortable and experienced having sex with other people. Like although I haven’t ever had sex before, I just think I would really enjoy it because I love intimacy. So idk how to overcome this because I don’t want to be in a relationship rn, but I do want to have sex but still have some level of trust respect and care for each other’s bodies. Thoughts or experiences you wouldn’t mind sharing?

omg i dont know if im seeing this really late but thank you for coming to me with this!

okay so to share my own first time experience... i had just gotten out of a really bad situationship. the situationship was my first time making out with someone and just genuinely having feelings for someone. first love if you will. but we had never had sex. the most we did was just his fingers being on my underwear. after this ended i just started going on dates with random people. realistically i knew like i wasnt ready for a relationship at the time but it was a good distraction for me to put myself out there. after like a month or so.. i went out with this one guy and i reallyyyy liked him. the first time we went out he fingered me in the theater (sorry guys!) and the second time was also similar. the third time i was over at his house and we had sex.

now i will admit that i was so incredibly lucky to have my first time with him. he was so understanding and so nice he didnt make it awkward at all i was just really comfortable through the entire thing. but i can't tell you that everyone youll meet will be the same way and ive definitely had some "bad" (not as good) experiences after that

and also to me sex or virginity has never really been a THING. so i never had a need for my first time to be special or to be with someone i had been dating for a while etc etc. i know for some people sex can be this very special thing but for me it just isnt. and from what i understand you also seem to feel the same way? (correct me if im wrong) so i just felt good to get the first one over with someone i felt comfortable with and it just opened up a whole new world for me. controversial but! like i love having sex. it has made me feel so much more comfortable in my body etc etc.

now my advice would be to (at least for your first time) dont have sex on the first hangout. ofc you can do stuff but just get to know them first and see if you feel comfortable with them. i would also advise that you tell them youre a virgin not in like a weird way but i promise it would make them be more understanding. also definitely discuss what you like (sexually) bc it can get real awkward if you realize your preferences dont align at all.

just overall be open with them. for your first time (and even in the future if you wish) let them know that you wont have sex in the first hangout (and their reactions to these kind of boundaries or their reactions to your preferences can be very telling of their character) and use the first hangout to get to know them to see if youd be comfortable having sex.

and also!! (sorry this is a very long response) awkward things will happen during sex but just laugh through them and i promise it will be fine. i promise you wont be the only one who's embarrassed by sth the other person will have things that they're embarrassed about too. its natural dont stress about it.

i feel like this was a lot of blabbing but i hope it makes sense to you and if you have ANY other questions feel free to come back. i promise i would never judge

[coreyok-blog]

“D-d you think th-that the chaos th-theory is real? ‘Cause I s-saw a d-documentary ‘bout how ev-everything we do an-and stuff is a-all connect-ted and that s-something that’s ran-ndom isn’t really a-at all and that we a-all do things that ev-everything we do c-cause somethin’ else and th-that it's like a d-dominio and that w-we all do s-stuff that causes a r-reaction that h-happens."

[onovnii]

# pet names they use for you

feat. mammon , leviathan , barbatos , solomon x gn!mc

summary. what kind of pet names do they use for you? :)

cw. fluff , ..crack? dunno nothing was taken seriously 

author n. think im gonna finally start writing for barbatos (honestly about time...he’s like one of my favs LMAO) 

mammon.

babe/baby

▸  pretty standard. uses this the most common. prefers using this out in public more than the others bc it’s very casual.

▸  uses these more than your actual name 😭

his human

▸ he’s possessive and annoying that’s all.

▸ it’s not as cute as you think it is mammon 🙄 stop using this weirdo

▸ kinda degrading but he thinks its a form of affection 🥴

bunny

▸  bc you’re so naturally curious about the devildom and what he and his brothers are used to, you remind him of a bunny.

▸ from his few experiences in the human world, he knows bunnies are very wary but naturally curious animals.

▸ that and you’re very cute. it fits :)

babyboy/babygirl

▸ i have a strong hatred for these names. but i KNOW he’d call his s/o that. *strangles him til he pops*

▸ ik some of you like that, idk why…but this ones for you.

▸ also says it very casually like baby/babe.

▸ never in public, he’s a little shy

treasure

▸ we all knew it was coming, i dont need to explain this one

▸ uses it whenever he’s in a more loving mood.

▸ usually when you two are cuddling, he gets all sappy and emotional and starts blabbing about how much he loves and adores you

▸ cherishes you more than any material item he owns, loves you more than any grimm he’s earned

▸ you’re irreplaceable to him, his treasure.

leviathan

henry

▸ who’s surprised.

▸ some say he’d compare you to ruri-chan, but i think different.

▸ levi has a HUUGEEE crush on henry, and he loves you so!!! 🧍🏽 (he doesnt in canon. at least i think so- this is just a personal hc lfmofsdodif242ikd)

▸ uses this interchangeably with your name.

▸ he’ll come up to you for cuddles and go whine about needing his henry’s affection

baby

- every once in a blue moon he’ll use this.

- very rare, but when he does its very cute and often paired up with several kisses. :)

your name but shortened

▸ very simple but uses this more than your actual name

▸ very rarely does he use your real name.

▸ if your name is already short, he’ll just come up with something

▸ insists on a nickname😭💀

player two

- cornball.

barbatos

love/my love

▸ swinging my legs at the thought of this..-$/&:&;;&;

▸ he’s a natural poet. something satan wishes he was lol.

▸ says it so casually it always leaves you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

▸ usually greets you with it and a kiss to the cheek

▸ ugh..i wanna marry him so bad.

non english names. ( amor , mi vida , mi rey , etc etc)

▸ they’re all spanish for obvious reasons. (reason: the terms of endearment are objectively better in spanish than english. i’m also biased)

▸ dunno just see him referring to his s/o as one of these (esp mi rey. maybe when he’s in a playful mood)

solomon.

..Snuggluffagus/Shmoopie/anything else that’s stupid.

▸ he’s annoying, just kill him.

▸ no seriously, it’d be doing some of us a favor.....

▸no but honestly he’s just being annoying, feel free to ignore him and only feed him leftovers. 

▸send his ass to sleep in the dog house tbh.

love / doll / angel / baby

▸the only normal things he’ll ever call you.

▸thinks he’s so romantic with this too....hate to say that he is....

▸ honestly speaking, he probably calls you these whenever he wants to see you smile.

▸like barbatos, will say these things while kissing you.

▸...you can give him back the keys to the house ig.

- val

[felikatze]

VTUBER SHINTARO AU i am so curious

filed under "wips that exist for me and me alone" because dear god just look at it. also has no proper fic snippets but

okay so imagine kagepro not being set in 2014 or whatever and in the current day instead (that's an 8 year difference for everyone who wants to feel old)

momo is def the breadwinner of the family but shintaro also wants money but he doesnt want to leave his room. and he doesnt want people to see him ever. so.

he becomes a vtuber. obviously.

he's the type who rages easily and people like to watch him be cringe. they also like to watch him for his incredibly skilled gameplay in literally anything. shintaro is canonically a god gamer after all

(i've decided his channel name would be jersey_devil and literally nothing can change my mind)

two dan members are fans of his: firstly, mary. she finds clean gameplay captivating to watch and puts his streams on for background noise when she's folding flowers.

second, kano. kano is part of the group who watches for the pathetic wet rag of a man.

(kano only realizes the connection once shintaro joins up with the dan. he doesnt blab but he does introduce konoha to vtubers. shintaro screams)

ene is a big part of his streams also. as just "the girl who lives in his computer" and people wonder so much what's up with his sona lore ever since he said that all his friends are dead.

speaking off!!! this au is mainly for the silly but we can make it canon compliant-ish by making it........ a bad end au. everyone fuckin dies babey

i think abt novel volume 6 haruka and shintaro so much my guy. shintaro tries to play a game for nostalgia but he just has a breakdown instead cuz he's remembering why he's a shut-in in the first place. haha

and if we kill everybody i decided it would be fun if only mary and shintaro survive, knowing that saeru is only constrained temporarily and will kill them soon

so, before the world resets, he asks mary for one last game to play, to share with the world.

he plays headphone actor, against his own highscore.

and that's the vtuber shintaro au!!!!!!! again all vry self indulgent sillyness that came out of me falling into the nijisanji pit temporarily. i dont have time to watch vtubers now i have a job but i think they're vry silly inherently

and then there's the angst for the joke au lmaoooo

[sardonic-courtney]

Crowley x Reader. We Met Before. P3/7

Summary: You end up living with Bobby after your parents die. You go to church and meet Priest Crowley and you end up getting along (if you know what i mean). A few years later when Bobby passes you move the the bunker with Sam and Dean and end up meeting Crowley again.

Part 1  Part 2  Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Warnings: Mention of loss, Spelling mistakes, you go to church?

Around 2500 words.

Let’s Get Coffee.

“Yay thank you” You yelled heading up the stairs to get changed…

Training went well, although you didn’t really do much. Bobby who was still reluctant helped you to shoot inanimate objects and some basic hand to hand combat with no weapons, because in his words “you won’t always have a weapon on you so that’s the best place to start.” You are pretty sure it’s just because he is buying time before the brothers come into town so they can deal with the more athletic training. Not because Bobby wasn’t good, he was but he was quite impatient and not the best Teacher.

Time Skip to the Next Saturday Night brought to you by Juliet.

The last week consisted of a few training lessons here and there, you were starting to get really good with a gun, and to Bobby’s ‘luck’ he did some blade training and you actually weren’t half bad. Right now, you were eating takeaway, 8pm, on the sofa with Bobby watching some old tv show.

“So kid, Winchesters are coming round tomorrow. Want me to pick you up from church to save you walking so you can see the two idjits sooner, I know you miss them”. He said emphasising miss in a teasing manor.

“Oh yeah soo much” You replied rolling your eyes. “But no, I’m good, I’m actually going out after for some coffee”.

“So, you and Lena finally meeting outside of church?”

“Nope”

“Wait so who are you meeting with then? A new boyfriend of yours? If so, I want to meet him first.”

“What? No, I’m not completely sure, just a group of us meeting up after church.”

“What do you mean you don’t know. Who asked you? That old woman that lives next to the church because if so, I wouldn’t go she will just talk everyone’s ear of about her cats”

“No, the Priest actually just to share ideas about the bible after.”

“Right well err have a good time?” He replied unsure

“Thanks Bobby I’m gonna head up now and sort everything out and go to bed”

“Don’t use up all my water, I’ll see you after your coffee, call me if you want a lift.”

“will do, night”

“Night kid.”

*Beep Beep* Your alarm read 8:30 Sunday. You go up and got showered and dressed. You opted for an outfit which made you look good but it was still simple and casual, whether you were trying a bit harder because you were seeing Crowley or because the boys were coming you wouldn’t say. You grabbed an easy snack and decided to take the scenic route as you had 30 minutes to get there and you didn’t want to wait around. You arrived exactly at 9:32 and waited a few minutes before walking in, no sign of Lena anywhere, strange. Your seats however remained empty, so you sat once again on the seconded row back. Just as you received a message.

Lena- Sorry my mums not feeling well so I’ve had to take my brother to football. Hope service is good.

(Y/N)- No problem, have fun at football.

You replied before muting your phone and sliding it away just as Crowley came out.

“Good Morning…………………………………Thank you all for coming. Bless you all and I shall see you next week.”

Looking up at the clock reading 10:30, everyone stood up and headed out the door, you however being unsure of where you were going for coffee waited at the end of the pew, letting other passed. You didn’t really focus on the topic at hand but hoped you could blag your way through the teachings of rich man and Lazarus. As everyone left Crowley once again was behind you smiling.

“(Y/N) how are you?”

“Hi, I’m good thank you, how are you doing?” you reply, once again you feel strangely flustered.  

“Better now that’s over and we can go get coffee.”

“Oh yeah about that where are we meeting?”

“I was thinking the little café down 3 blocks over. Small and easy to find a table.”

“Mrs Wolowitz’s?”

“Yes, That’s it”

“I think I know the way; well you better go, and I’ll meet you guys there” You say about to head off.

“I’m sorry love, you must be mistaken I meant just the two of us. If that’s alright”

“Yeah no sorry that more the fine, I just assumed.” You stuttered out. You hadn’t meant to jump to a conclusion but that seemed more likely then just you two going out for coffee. Alone in a small café. Damn it (Y/N) stop thinking again.

“Do you want to follow me in my car? In case you get lost?”

“Oh um.” You awkwardly laughed. “I actually walk here so I’ll get it up on my phone”

“No, no don’t be stupid you’re going in my car.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude”

“No come on let’s go.”

The car ride was short and pretty much silent but not awkward. You were nervous but also happy you weren’t going to be stuck with a bunch of old Christians arguing about meanings. Before you got out the car, he took his clerical collar of leaving him in a normal black shirt. You got out, got a table and ordered your drinks, and reluctantly allowed Crowley to pay.

“So, Y/N how did you find todays service?” Crowley asked looking straight at you for an answer.

“Oh um, it was good” you replied suddenly feeling nervous and unsure of how to answer. You were sat in a café, with an attractive Pastor whose stare seemed to go straight through you.

“Anything to add? Any views on the passage?” Crowley said seeming slightly distracted.

“Not really no. Sorry maybe you start an idea and I’ll add?”

“I don’t really have any either, well to be honest with you I would rather get to know you then your views on the bible.”

“Me?” you smiled, this just got better now it’s apparent you probably aren’t going to be sat discussing the bible over the next half hour or so.

“Yes you” he replied a small smile resting on his lips.

“Well what do you want to know?” you didn’t really know what sort of thing to tell him so thought it best to just ask.

“Well how about we play a game?”

“A game?”

“Yes, a game, you know an activity one engages in for fun?” his smile turning slightly into a smirk.

“Oh, thanks I didn’t know what a game was, what sort of game?”

“I ask a question and you ask one back?” he paused “if you would like, if you wanted to sit around and talk about bibles, we could ask biblical ones”

“No normal questions are fine; you can start since I don’t know what games are” you say sarcastically.

Just then the waiter came and delivered your drinks, nodding his head slightly at your companion before he left. You took a sip of your drink as Crowley moved on; this wasn’t what you though this evening would be but it’s definitely an improvement.

“If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?”

“(Y/A) {your answer}”

“Why?”

“It just seems perfect. I could see myself walking around and just admiring everything there you know?”

“Well hopefully one day you’ll go.” Crowley took a sip of his steaming drink and returned to looking at you. Really looking at you, it was weird, like he was genuinely interested in what you were saying. “I’ve been a few times and I must say the {landmark} is beautiful to visit.”

“One day I will see it, anyway you seem like you’ve been to loads of places where have you been?”

“Pretty much everywhere, I do enjoy travelling.”

“wow, I wish” you sigh out.

“Do you travel?”

“Not really, when I was younger me and my parents would move around America but that stopped a while ago.”

“Oh, how come?”

“They died so I moved in with my godfather and haven’t left town since, I know if he could we would go but he needs to stay here for work and everything and now I’m blabbing on again sorry.” You said it more as a fact mentally ready for the normal oh I’m sorry and what happened and are you okay to come.

“No don’t apologise I’m interested and I’m sorry to hear about them but your godfather sounds like a good man, and maybe one day you can travel again, maybe even the world, what do you plan on being in the future?”

“Definitely the plan, and I’m not sure yet. What about you have you always dreamed of being a pastor?”

“No, definitely not. I’m only a substitute pastor anyway if there’s such a thing.”

“what do you do then when you’re not?”

“I guess you could say I’m a businessman, I mainly make deals and such.”

“oh, is that why you always travel?” You say looking down at your drink and sipping.

“Exactly why my job requires a lot of popping to places. Now if you will humour me, I’m curious, you go to church but don’t seem completely religious, is that so?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t mean to offend you, but I notice you zoning out during teaching and you just seem… I don’t know how to put it.”

“Well if I’m honest I’m not sure about it really. The whole believing in God thing. I mean I’m sure he’s there, but I don’t think there’s much he can do.”

“So why go?”

“Well my mum used to always take me and well it makes me feel closer to her, I’m sorry if that offends you.”

“Not at all, not at all” he said a slight smirk on his face again.

This was weird, not in a bad way but weird. As the time passed, he started to become even less like a pastor and more like a friend. You continued sharing random stories finding out how he grew up in Scotland and all about his random like and dislikes. He was a nice guy and you no longer felt nervous. Time went by and you both ordered another drink. Now your cups were sitting empty and you were discussing what the best era would be to live through, when your phone beeps.

12:51

Bobby: Hey, hows the discussions going, what time do you think your going to leave I dont know if I can deal with them alone any longer and theyve only been here 3 hours as it is.

You: oh, sorry I didn’t realise the time, um ill finish my drink and leave soon. Tell them I say hi.

You slid your phone into you pocket and looked back up at Crowley. Wow you had been sat talking for over two hours.

“Everything okay?” he asked

“Yeah everything is fine just didn’t realise the time. Sorry I’m going to have to go in a minuet I have guests over and completely forgot.”

“No problem, would you like a lift back?”

“I can walk it’s fine.”

“Please at least let me drop you of at the church, I need to pick up some things there anyway.”

“Okay.”

With that the two of you got back into his car and arrived back at the church both getting out and standing in the completely deserted parking lot.

“Thank you for the lift, and the drinks.” You smiled checking you had everything and looking up at him.

“No problem I had a good time, and maybe if you would like I could get your number and we could do it again sometime, get to know each other a bit more, maybe over some food.”

If you didn’t know any better it would sound like a date offer, in fact part of you wishes it had been but pastors don’t date, do they?

“Yeah sounds good today was fun.” You grab your phone pulling up your number.

“I’m sorry that may not have been clear enough” he said looking at your phone and entering your number into his. “I was referring to going out on a date.”

“But you’re a priest?” you blurt out before thinking. Mentally slapping your head.

“A substitute priest love, and like you I don’t hold religion too close to my heart” he said chuckling and putting his phone away.

“Well in that case that sounds great. I better start heading back but text me.”

“I will, safe walk home, if you’re sure you don’t want a lift.”

“I’m sure, goodbye Crowley”

“Goodbye Y/N”

And with that you left. What just happened?

*Times Skip Home*

You walk through the door into the lounge greeted with the boys and bobby drinking beers and talking, coming to a halt when you walked in.

“Y/N, hey how have you been” Sam asks looking up at you smiling. Before you could answer Dean butted it.

“Y/N Bobby here tells us you’ve been out talking about the bible, please tell me you haven’t it’s like half one.”

“Nice to see you to Dean, and no I haven’t I met with a friend. I’m great thank you Sam, how are you?” you reply going to sit down before realising a pair of legs in the way. “Deans move your legs”

Reluctantly he swung them over the coffee table allowing you to sit down.

“Good thank you” you’re not sure if Sam would have continued but bobby spoke up.

“A friend? You said you were meeting with a group of you, lying, now are we?”

“what? No, I just got a bit confused we were going to talk about the service but we got distracted. But what’s more important is what you two have been up to.” You reply casually leaving out the fact you had spent the last two hours with a male and had half planned a date.

“No, what’s more important is you are 18. And we have something for you.” Sam said poking his head around Dean.

“Sammy’s right Dean said pulling something out his duffle bag. It was neatly wrapped and slightly battered around the edges. Sam definitely wrapped it.

“Guys you shouldn’t have.” You said unwrapping it. At first you saw a leather-bound book. It was bound with a rope wrapped around and decorated with a light house on the front.

“Open it up (Y/N/N)” Sam said.

Unwinding the rope, you opened it up to find postcards and pictures from the boys, all in Sam’s writing.

“We, well I thought you could have a journal to note down anything you want its always good to have one. The postcards and stuff are from each of the places me and Dean have been. We knew you wanted to go, and you always want to here stories so I thought it would be a good way to make it seem like you were there.”

“Sam it perfect thank you so much.” You stood up and hugged him before taking a seat back down noticing Dean had a scruffier package in his hand.

Accepting it and opening it Dean began.

“I’m not as thoughtful as Sam but I saw this, and thought would like it.”

It was a rope necklace with a stone on the end. Under the stone was a small piece of card with a handwritten message explaining the stones properties of protection and healing. You read it and put it on twiddling the stone in your fingers (You can change stone to your liking).

“It’s beautiful Dean thank you very much” you say leaning over to hug him.

“I’m glad” he says pulling back smiling.

The evening goes on, you order food and joke with each other, Bobby leaving to go to bed and the three of you falling asleep sprawled out on the couch and armchair around 11pm

Wow that was long and mainly build up, but don’t worry romance will be in the next one.  I hope you enjoyed this though, thanks for reading.

[beautifuldarkmind]

tw // s*lf harm, su*cidal ideation (sorry)

Hey, it’s the creepy NHS anon here.

Thank you for responding to my ask! I’m sorry you had such a rough time getting a diagnosis. You shouldn’t have had to go through all of that. Honestly it sucks that the NHS is so reluctant to diagnose anything mental health related.

When I was 14 I thought I had depression and anxiety. I finally convinced my mum to take me to the doctors when I was 16. The doctor was super nice. She tested my thyroid function just to make sure nothing else was causing my feelings, then referred me to CAMHS. That was…an interesting experience. I remember asking my counsellor to diagnose me, but then at the next session she said she couldn’t, that it “wouldn’t be helpful” because I was still growing. Now that I think about it, one of the days I was at school and during a class I was furious for some reason. I even said to a classmate that I was willing to fight anyone who got in my way. Despite my mum disagreeing with me, I cancelled my appointment that day. (My mum was worried they’d stop my sessions all together if I cancelled, but they didn’t.)

Fast toward to recent years and I’ve been on and off attempting to get a diagnosis. Last year (so when I was about 18) I asked to be referred to the autism clinic, and thankfully the GP accepted, but the clinic is still closed and even when it’s open I’ll still have to wait, possibly several years. Then I made another appointment (different GP) to be referred to a psychiatrist. She refused, saying that GPs are trained to deal with mental health issues. I brought up OCD, so she asked where I got my information from. When I told her I researched it online, she just brushed it off and then did the typical depression/anxiety test and she said both were severe, then said “take some drugs” (which is didn’t because I didn’t trust taking drugs prescribed by someone who did a 3 minute yes/no type quiz without actually fully exploring my issues).

I spoke to a different GP just over a month ago to get a fit note for my Universal Credit. It was supposed to just be to make adjustments to what I was supposed to do, but he didn’t ask what the note was for, so he marked unfit for work. Which is great because that’s secretly what I wanted but feared being judged by people around me for thinking I needed that (particularly my parents). I mentioned that I thought I could have OCD and CPTSD, and he didn’t deny it but he simply said CBT helps for both. He then asked if I was currently doing CBT and I said I’d done it before but I quit. (That’s a whole other story but tldr I really don’t think it was for me, or at least the “therapist” wasn’t.) He said he would send a self referral link.

Fast forward to a few days ago and I had another appointment with him to discuss my fit note (because it only lasts for a month and you have to go back to renew it, which sucks). He asked if I had referred myself to CBT and I said I hadn’t yet because I didn’t want to, and he said “please do that for me” in a somewhat stern voice. I then brought up BPD and I think he said he would refer me? Honestly I was a bit overwhelmed because he called 40 mins early and I was in the car with my dad, so I was super weary of him asking questions about what I was saying to the doctor (but he didn’t). He then brought up PD support groups, which I’m considering doing, but you have to call up the place and I literally hate phone calls. Oh, speaking of which, all the appointments from the autism one onwards were all on the phone, so not only was I struggling to process what they were saying to me most of the time, but I was also so anxious that I couldn’t articulate my feelings properly. :)

Anyways, I am 20 now, which I only mention because I feel the same as what you mentioned. My brother is married, my childhood crush is married, my friend who I introduced to my friend group who then proceeded to discard me is getting married. Everyone seems to know exactly what they’re doing. They all have friends. But not me. I haven’t had friends since I was 14, and even then I don’t think that friend group was entirely wholesome. They made me feel like an outcast, like I was weird, that I needed to be more like them and not be like me. Which has probably contributed to me having a very vague sense of identity. And I feel like I’m still 14 and yet everyone is expecting me to behave like an adult. I’m supposed to know what I’m doing with my life even tho I literally cried in the shop when I was pressured to choose between 2 pizzas.

I have no support system. My own parents seem very dismissive of my problems, equating everything to social anxiety. When I’m stressed out of mind to the point of feeling suicidal, my parents say “that’s just life”, which…well, feeds into the feelings. For years I’ve felt stressed. Then if I’m not stressed I feel absolutely nothing. And if I’m not feeling empty I am angry, sometimes for no reason. And if I’m not angry, I am curled in a ball trying to bottle up the urge to self harm and batting away suicidal thoughts.

It’s like I have a huge chain pulling me down underwater and everyone else is in the beach drinking cocktails or something. Sometimes I thrash and try to get people to notice, but people think I’m just having fun. Other days I just feel like letting the chain pull me down.

Please forgive me for rambling and probably not having a very consistent train of thought in this post. I have a tendency to blab on about my “problems” (if they even are that), I guess as a way to connect? Idk. This post makes no sense.

I hope you’re having a good day. <3

- 🌸✨ (in case I send another ask again, but I’ll try not to because I don’t wanna bother you)

So sorry you're going through something similar. My GP sounded exactly how yours was, the typical anxiety/depression test and then just throwing those at you.. they dont seem to be trained in diagnosing and they dont want to hear anything more either. It's honestly almost impossible getting a diagnosis through them, the system here is really messed up... its just disappointing and seems to be failing so many people including you.

It does sound like you're going through a hard time, it's not nice especially when you feel a loss of self identity, you dont even know who you are and just feel lost in life. I think that was definitely the main point of realising something was up.. I had a VERY distorted view of myself and others around me and that was why I'd often self sabotage everything and then I'd feel so empty and angry at the world and just explode...

If you can go privately then do so, therapists are not able to diagnose and they will usually tell you 'we don't like to label' but even without a diagnosis you can still see if you can access DBT therapy. Amazon also has lots of DBT workbooks that I've used and its helped me to really understand myself!

If you often feel invalidated by your parents then that is known to cause BPD or borderline traits, especially if you've been suffering with mental illness in childhood and they tried to claim that it was nothing....you mentioned anxiety and I was told the approach my parents may have took to my severe anxiety is what brought on many of my symptoms of BPD. You start to feel ashamed of yourself for feeling that way because your caregivers make it seem like the issue isnt important and you feel as if your feelings dont matter also because that is how you have been made to feel.

I'm not saying this is definitely the cause but in my case I was told that the constant feeling of invalidation may be why I have such a warped idea of myself and why I cannot regulate my emotions. I was never told HOW to regulate or shown how to, just told to ignore my emotions and now I dont know how to deal with them😀

but yeah I'd really recommend taking a look at some of those dbt books online or reading more into it so you have a better understanding of yourself. You've already taken the first step and that's identifying that something may be wrong so you are self aware and clearly want to change for the better 💕

I hope everything works out for you, it's not nice feeling this way but you've got this 🥺🙌

[hoeiplier]

pls remember to add slashes or % in the names!! i dont want any kiddies finding these fics ;w; also,,,,,lowkey ship this ship super badly owo -- mod ghostie

also sorry unedited as always shdfkgdflgkj

ALSO THIS GOT KINDA FLUFFY???? FORGIVE ME SKJFGHSKD YALL HERE FOR FUCKIN NOT LOVIN

IM ALSO REALLY PROUD OF THIS SO LIKE???? PLS TELL ME WHAT YALL THINK AAAAA 

///

“You dumbass!” Yancy rushed to hide Illinois from the nearby guards, pushing him into his cell, knowing the guards never checked for him in here. Hell, the moment they could leave their cells in the morning, Yancy was gone. You couldn’t keep him in there if his life depended on it.

Well, unless it was for one certain thing.

“Oh, someone’s been feisty since I last saw you,” Illinois smirks. stealing a kiss from Yancy. Passionate, romantic, his hand losing itself in his slicked back locks of hair, groaning at the taste of black coffee on his lips.

“Well yeahs, it’s been months. That’s not the point--” Yancy pants. the kiss nearly taking him out. How did this bastard have such soft lips after spending months in a jungle?!

“The points is youse nearly got caught, I told you if youse gonna sneak in, you oughta go the way I showed youse. Not this adventurer bullsh--”

Illinois walked into Yancy, the two near the back of the cell, pinning him down, the natural scent of the outside world on him, his knee in between Yancy’s legs, nudging against his slowly hardening cock.

The prisoner couldn’t hold back the groan, it’s been too long since he’s seen his boyfriend. Too long since he held him, since he kissed him, since he...

“You know I can’t keep my hands off of you when I visit,” Illinois’s accent drawls through Yancy’s head. Nearly hypnotizing. His hand gripping his chin, making him tilt, looking straight into his eyes. “It’s been months and months without you, babe. I get real lonely without you by my side. Some nights I just couldn’t take it, remembering you, your lips, your body...”

Illinois wastes no time, leaning forward with another passionate kiss. Groaning deeply, Yancy finally giving in, thrusting slowly against Illinois’s knee. Heart pounding as he feels the other open his mouth, deepening their kiss. Open mouthed, tongues dancing against each other. Yancy nearly driven drunk by his need to feel his most favorite person in the world against him again.

“Fuck...”

“Yeah,  we finally will,” Illinois chuckles, low and deep, “C’mon babe, let’s get a move on here before your cellmate makes it back.”

///

Their clothes still stayed on, Yancy holding his shirt up by biting down, exposing his chest and throbbing cock, his striped sweats folded neatly beside them, rolling his hips back against Illinois’s hard cock in between his cheeks. 

Illinois kept his shirt open, his cock the only thing peeking out from his pants. Biting his own lip, his hands roaming over Yancy’s hip, over his thighs trembling above him. His eyes wide, shining with adoration for the man above him. Smiling as he tilts his head to the side.

“Babe, fuck...” Illinois groaned, “no matter how many times I see you above me, it still takes my breath away...”

Yancy leaned forward, smirking back as he lays over the adventurer. His voice low, accent heavy, “no matter how many times I see youse, I still get nervous,” he chuckles, reaching around to hold Illinois’s cock in place, his hips lifting up, his own member drooling pre cum down Illinois’s flat stomach.

The two crashing their lips in a deep kiss, moaning into each other’s mouths, as Yancy finally sunk himself down onto Illinois’s cock. The slick lube making him slide down each inch at an even pace. Nearly knocking the wind from his lungs, finally, finally, being filled again. Feeling Illinois moan, their kiss deepening, his ass finally sat fully on his cock. Breaking the kiss, panting softly.

“You’re beautiful.” Illinois moaned, his hands gripping Yancy’s ass, lifting him up with ease, “so fucking good to me, babe...”

///

Yancy was thankful this cellblock was empty, every other inmate during whatever they do in the late mornings. His thoughts soon replaced with the mere pleasure he felt as Illinois fucked into him, holding him tight, hips thrusting up into the heat of his body, pre cum making a mess of his pants as he fucks his lover nice and hard.

“So good to me, so perfect for me,” Illinois continues to sweet talk, Yancy’s back arched, eyes barely open as his moans loudly. Each thrust of Illinois’s thick cock hitting his most sensitive spot head on. Each thrust up into him nearly driving him mad, pleasure shooting up his spine as he’s fucked.

“Youse feel...hah,” Yancy laughed, biting his lip as Illinois drags Yancy down, biting down his jawline and neck. The smell of sex filling the cell, “feel so good in me, God, youse feel so fucking good...I missed youse so much...”

Illinois slowed this thrusts, fucking into Yancy with harder movements, his cock deeper than before, letting the other roll his hips. His inner walls tight around his thick shaft, rolling his hips slow, his own cock leaking down Yancy’s front.

“I missed you more, babe, all I could think about was you,” Illinois continues to kiss and bite down Yancy’s neck, his heated breath making the prisoner shiver under his hold, continuing to rock down on his cock, “every cold night in my tent, every early morning, every hike, every climb, all I could think of was you, fuck, I missed you so so so much. I missed us so much, I love you--”

Yancy reaches forward, grabbing Illinois’s face, catching his lips, a deep passionate kiss. Just as romantic as the ones they always shared when meeting again.

Until Yancy raises up, and slams back down on Illinois’s cock, riding him fast and hard, Each hit to his sweet spot making him see stars. Illinois arching into the kiss, grabbing Yancy by his hair, groaning as their bodies rock into one another. The all familiar heat building in them both.

“I love you, Love youse so much,” Yancy groans in between kisses, “love youse, love your body, love your voice, love everything about you.”

Illinois grips Yancy’s ass, spreading him wide, groping his cheeks as Yancy continues to fuck himself on his cock. Their bodies hot to the touch, just barely at the edge of their orgasms. The bunk bed above them shaking with their efforts, the two completely focused on one another’s needs.

“Can’t hold back, gonna fucking--”

“Cum with me,” Illinois kisses him once more, bucking his hips up to meet Yancy’s drops on his shaft. His hand moving from his soft ass to his cock. Clumsily jerking off the prisoner in time with his thrusts. So close, each call of his name, each deep kiss, each thrust and drop down on one another...

“Cum with me, Yancy, please babe, cum with me,” Yancy growls, kissing Yancy with all he’s got, “please babe, just please cum with me! Please, I need you, babe, please!”

With a shout, Yancy slams back down on Illinois’s throbbing cock, the two breaking their kiss, Yancy arching up as he shouts out Illinois’s name. Eyes closed tight, his cock spurting cum across Illinois’s exposed stomach and chest. Completely lost in his own pleasure as he still rolls his hips on Illinois’s cock. FIlling him up with his hot white cum.

And yet, Illinois -- in his own longing orgasm, can’t take his eyes off how beautiful his lover looked. Completely satisfied and spent, Illinois couldn’t have found him more beautiful.

///

“...I love you.”

“Youse told me at least 4,000 times.” Yancy laughs, the two snuggled under Yancy’s sheets. The cellblock still empty as can be, the nearest guard nowhere within earshot nor sight.

“And I’ll tell ‘youse’ 4,000 more.” Illinois teased, bringing the arm squeezing him tight to his face, kissing his knuckles soft and sweet.

“...Illi?”

“Yeah?”

“...tell me about it out there, is it still scary?”

Silence follows the two, Illinois turning around to face Yancy, his expression a mix of nervous and sleepy. Of course he was, Yancy was always a blabbing mess before sleep. Even back when they were cellmates, Illinois remembers he’d speak whatever little thought passed his mind.

“Well, I’ll tell ya that the wilderness is probably the best place to be right now. Especially the mountains, I’m gonna be heading north after this. I know you don’t like leaving here...maybe we can try to go next time I visit you? ...Please?”

Another silence follows the two. Yancy sleepily smiles, pulling Illinois into a soft kiss. A kiss that seemed bittersweet, knowing once he wakes up, Illinois will be off in the world exploring once more. 

“...Yeah...I think I’d likes that, Illi...”

[katierosefun]

dont feel bad about blabbing about your book it sounds interesting~ can we hear more if you wanna share?

aaaaaaaaaah, thank you anon!!! that means a lot, because i often feel a little self-conscious about talking about writing that,,,isn’t fic. but anyways, here’s a read more tab because just in case anyone’s not the biggest fan of reading about original stuff: 

so i’ve mentioned it a few times before, but this story is mostly about a girl who’s lost her memories of her parents. there’s been a few tweaks and turns here and there to the plotline (on my fourth draft...meaning the story is wildly different from what it started out as). anyways, she’s trying to find a way to get her memories back, but that’s kinda difficult when she’s also been framed for a murder she didn’t think she committed (again, gaps in memory makes for an unreliable witness/narrator, right?). just when she thinks she’s about to be sent off to prison/get the death sentence, someone comes along to help her clear her name. little does our protagonist know that this is actually someone who’s kind of like a family member from her forgotten past. 

um, that was all very disorganized, but that’s the gist of it. again, the storyline’s been tweaked a few times, because i really wanted this story to be accessible to everyone--it has its darker and grittier moments, but it’s also got a lot of softer and sweeter moments, esp. when we get into some of the other characters! 

basically, this story has a lot of found family things: 

there’s andrea (who’s the protagonist. her aesthetic is very much black turtlenecks + boyfriend jeans. she decides to steal a sandwich just to spite the owner of the convenience store she works in, and that’s why she thinks she’s being arrested at first. looks mean but is actually a really big softie inside who just kinda wants a hug.)

there’s galen (person from the past. his aesthetic is very much knitted scarves (that andrea’s actual parents gave him as a gift when he was like,,,16 :’)))) + cardigans. he has an ability to heal everyone except himself. literally. he can mend broken bones, bruises, all those ugly things, but he can never do it for himself because superpower logic. is a really big softie both inside and out. he met andrea when she was 8 and he was 16 at a talk andrea’s parents (professors on the origin of this kind of...superhero society for lack of better word that galen’s a part of).) 

** actually, andrea and galen are my favorite because like...there’s a kind of sad story between them, but they’re wonderful. andrea, of course, doesn’t remember him, despite the fact that they’ve shared five years together. (because...more sad things.) 

there’s hina (sunshine child. her aesthetic is very much long skirts + lots and lots of necklaces. she has the ability to just. look into other people’s heads, but this isn’t an ability she’s able to control, not really. she’s shut up in the society’s library as a result, because that seems to be the only place she can actually go about her day without being bombarded by everyone’s thoughts. she longs to one day actually step outside the walls of her home, but right now, she explores through books and stories from people who bother talking to her. i love her a lot because she’s the classic trope character of powerful and kind.) 

** i really love andrea and hina’s dynamic too. they’re definitely just...oh the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one. there’s this one h/c incident (because....in true caroline fashion, h/c abounds) where hina helps andrea up after this not-so-good fight, and andrea (who’s like,,,half out of it), mumbles “why are you being nice i just hurt your feelings :’((” and hina’s just like “we’ll talk about this later but right now just let me help you okay” (they’re so soft. they’re so soft you guys. andrea gives up her bed for hina at one point. they’re soft.)

there’s tori (certified wine aunt/mom friend. her aesthetic is just the ever-professional suit and tie. everyone sees her wear overalls one (1) time and loses their minds because tori wears informal clothes sometimes what-- she has the ability to...take away memories, so y’all can put two-and-two together. is hypercompotent and carries a lot of guilt around with her for what she had to do. also winds up being a mentor figure because we need more female mentor figures!!!) 

** i really love tori’s dynamic with everyone, i think? with andrea, she def. has this big-sister-to-slightly-younger sister banter going. (you know, the one where the younger sibling greets older sibling with “nerd” and the older sibling greets the younger sibling with “dork”. andrea grudgingly respects tori, and tori went from “andrea :((” to “andrea >:(” real quick because andrea is a little shit who loves making tori’s life difficult. but the two love each other a lot deep down. with hina, tori’s a lot softer (adsfsdf everyone’s soft with hina because hina’s. again. sunshine child). and with galen,,,let me just say that there’s a lot of complicated feelings with galen but like i’m just gonna say. lots of mutual pining and “hey i would love to actually have a romantic relationship with you but like right now both of us are kinda stuck saving the world and also your eyes are nice okay bye” 

(that being said, romance kinda takes a backburner in all these relationships. i guess if there is romance, it’s all very...subtle and also very open-ended in the end of the duology, because really, i want people to realize that it’s more about the platonic love in these stories than it is the romantic. not saying romantic is any less important than platonic, but i’d like to showcase platonic love a little more. if it makes anyone feel better, i truly do think that andrea wakes up every morning next to hina feeling like the luckiest gal in the world, and tori and galen do wind up getting that romantic walk together and maybe holding hands and being absolute blushing dorks about it.) 

(but really, i plan to end this series with. just the four of them. sitting on the roof of a car. stargazing. hina’s so excited to be...outside for once, and little does she know that andrea’s actually planning a cross-country roadtrip for them. tori passes everyone popcorn. andrea plays with galen’s scarf. hina winds up babbling about all these stories she’s read about aliens and stuff and whoa guys the world’s so big, and we’re so small, and and and--) 

(it ends with the four of them laughing. andrea thinks, “this is my family.”)

[angrylizardjacket]

the motley fool thus morals on the time {Ben Hardy/Reader/Roger Taylor}

Summary: 70s!Roger has met 2018!Roger. He doesn’t talk about it a lot.

A/N: 977 words. REAL SHORT. takes place in the ben/reader/roger universe but ben’s not in it, i just wrote a lot about him anyways. so let’s talk about the logistics of time travel. also no this wasn’t requested but it came to me and i had to write it. it’s not necessarily angsty, just existential.

Roger complains a lot about the present, or as he calls it, The Future, which, for the first few months of his arrival was pretty well warranted, and after that, it just become a habit.

“You know, I could get a deck of cigs for less than forty-five p. back in seventy two.” He’s on the balcony of your shared apartment, rolling himself a cigarette as the two of you sat and watched the sunset. Ben’s in the shower, and Roger’s balancing his pouch of tobacco on his knees. “Everything’s so expensive nowadays.” His voice is a grumble as he leans to lick along the edge of the paper, rolling up the cigarette and putting it between his lips.

“They’re trying to stop you smoking; it’ll kill you.” Tucking yourself up beside him, you rest your head on his shoulder, eyes on the golden glow of the horizon, red light bleeding out from the sinking sun and going on to stain the sky violet. 

“I’ve heard rolling your own is better for you.” He lights the cigarette and leans back against the seat, throwing an arm around you. ”It’s not like I know what havoc this time travel shit with wreak on me, I’m just tryna keep myself alive in the downtime.”

“You’re still smoking.” You point out, and he takes a long draft. The air is cool between you, the first of the twilight stars peering out overhead.

“It’s called an addiction, sweetheart,” Roger says, voice tight, before he exhales fully, “‘least it is nowadays.” He’s in a mood, and though he doesn’t get like this often, it’s easy to tell, especially when you call him out on it and he doesn’t immediately dismiss it. “I could smoke whatever I want,” he muses into the silence he’s created, “it’s not like I don’t survive.” 

You don’t have an answer for that because, well, there’s unequivocal proof that he’s right.

“I’ve met him, you know.” He says, tipping his head to rest gently on yours, before taking another draft and flicking his ashes onto the ground where he’d sweep them off the balcony later. 

“Who?” 

“Me.” It’s blunt, and warrants some type of response, but for the life of you, you can’t seem to fathom one. “The me from now, that is; I didn’t just look in a mirror and go mad for a few minutes.” He’s surprisingly blase about the whole ordeal, and you match his tone easily.

“Sounds like you came close.” He gives you a gentle shove at your words, snickering, but his expression soon sobers as he slips back into being contemplative. “How come you never told us? Did it go alright?” You ask, gentle, and Roger chuckles.

“If it went alright you’d think I’d be blabbing about it, or the old bastard would be here with us now,” he tsked loudly, sitting up a little straighter and shaking his head, “I don’t know when he got his balls cut off but the me that I know wouldn’t pass up this,” and he gestures to himself, indignant at the very memory of his future-self rejecting him, “I mean, who would know how to fuck me better than me?” He has a point, but you’re not going to give him the satisfaction of agreeing.

“You tried... to seduce yourself?” You asked, a little incredulous.

“Never got that far.” Roger grumbled, taking another draft. Silence once again stretches between the two of you; there’s more to the story, of this you’re sure, so for now you’re content to sit and wait as the sky grows steadily darker above you. “First thing he said was that ‘this is what those two kids meant’; did you and Ben go talk to him?” He asked, and you hummed thoughtfully.

“After the first time you disappeared,” you admit, and he hums, low and thoughtful, “we were worried, you know? Thought if anyone would know anything it would be, well, you.”

“He doesn’t remember anything, probably never will.” Roger says, and he can feel when you shift to look at him. “It’s not because he’s old or anything, or maybe, ‘s not like I’d know, he was bloody unrecognisable if I’m being honest.” Roger isn’t one to rant like this, not so seriously, not without humour, it was strange. His gaze was fixed on the horizon. “It’s a side effect of all of this, the memory thing that is; when I go back, it’s like I never left, like as soon as I’m brought here, time freezes back in the seventies, but the universe or whatever, it locks away all my memories of this, the future, probably so I don’t screw up the past.” He mused.

“But you remember us when you come back.” It’s difficult to wrap your mind around all of this, but he gives your shoulder a firm squeeze, knowing your trying.

“Only takes me about ten minutes now, to remember where I am, how to find you lot.” He laughs, and it sounds a little fond, enough to ease the tension in your chest that his ranting had caused. You didn’t like to see him like this, you wouldn’t begrudge him for it, but it made you worry. “It’s weird, you know, remembering that I’d forgotten everything, and then trying to see how far forward I’ve jumped this time; I wish time ‘d stand still here too.”

“The world waits for you.” You say softly, and he hums, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“On occasion.” He agrees. “Meeting me from now made me realise something though,” and he sounds a little forlorn when he says it, and he stubs out his cigarette in the ash tray beside the sofa.

“What’s that?” You asked, and there’s was a long moment of silence. He can’t look at you.

“That one day I must just stop coming back.”

[pgoeltz]

@blueshieldca  been begging for over a yr to get somtreatment for my back and health, its a nightmare, while CEO makes 42 million, i fight for hard worked benifits.  told to go to er???    my pain doctor told me yesterday he will buy the book of my death by bs of ca, as they dont care >>>>> 

all the notes they want me to go to a place that does not understand billing and i will be out of a 8 week program in 7 days

 paul goeltz 0aaaaa663 is social, and out of state, so special CS, heck they try, but i think i spend to much money and cutting cost to pay the ceo seem to be of more importance then helping ppl16 JAN 2019, 07:57btw i’m half dead from lack of case management, ur doctors that deny my back the right ops, meds, now i guess my pain meds is a no no so retire have to pay 30 its all profit so that fat white man can make 35 million dont worry the world will see it all, you all should be ashamed at your corupt industry money over health16 JAN 2019, 10:55Thank you for supplying your info, Paul. One of our Specialists will reach out shortly to assist. – SR18 JAN 2019, 07:10and thank for calling, but we had to hang up as i was waiting forBS of ca to call, she said she would call back yesterday was here all day, will be back here today, after pt so after10.30am MTand no call so maybe u can let them know here latter today..18 JAN 2019, 10:03I apologize for missing our call yesterday. I’ll call you after 10:30 today. – KristaTHURS 22:10well here we are 6 months later almost dead still zero@BlueShieldCA thanks claiming to #care #fastservice #CustomerService &blah blah blah, i have been trying 2get treetment 4almost a yr, ur #contractor doing #casemanagement has no clue, ur #phone reps dont call back, i dont think BS cares if i live or die its all #money and #F me.ask Esperanza Ramos RN she can explain how sick ur case mangement is and how mr goelts is stuck in the middle of hell and getting nothingwell i can start going to the er every 2 days that will cost about 100k real quickas ur call center says all the help is at the er they will help[ you and call us to figure out what to do with you, thats from ur call centerFRI 08:09anotherday waiting while BS and records and doctors try to figure out why or how paul can use benifits in both medical and mental, oh no, if we?BS keep hold off and FOOLING HIM WE WILL NOT HAVE TO PSAY AND CEO MAKES MILLIONS AND GETS GRT MEDICAL CARE, WELL STILL WAITINGI SHOULD BE TAKING PICTURES OF ME WITHERING AWAY 40 LBS ALREADY….FRI 09:58We’re sorry for your frustration. A Specialist will reach out to you shortly. – JessicaHi Paul. I’ve reviewed your policy and see that you’re trying to receive inpatient detox care. I also see that your case manager Esperanza is currently out of the office, which is why she hasn’t reached out to you. In some of your case notes I see that you stated the appeal filed on your behalf is incorrect. Can you please clarify if this is true? The appeal was assigned to a coordinator this morning, so if I need to remove the appeal I can. Also, if you could clarify exactly what you are wanting, I can work with your case manager to get you the required treatment. Please let me know as soon as possible. – Cortneymore than that if you want to talk call plsi dont have a case managerthey were fired as no brains4066423052FRI 11:45fyi Esperanza is not my case managedr she is trying to help after seeing the messing your case management co got me in, i have no case manager, and i need one to work both side of this medical and mental, So shortly is that longer than 3 hrs? yes the appeal that was filed is all wrong, meanwhile that much closer to death, hope everyone is getting a good laughno you dont need to remove tghe appeal it should have been filed a month ago as i called to file and the lady did nothing not even contact esEsperanza , and the grievence filed is wrong, i dont have time for this i needed help almost a yr ago when does this stopper doc kemple i need a level 4 detox or better, and admit in to a pain program such as siera tuscon, hohn hopkins miami jewish health this all are for pain ppeole not drug addicts, while i explain this for the 300th time why dont you ask sherly jones who screwed it all up and that case management cohello anyone calling so i can blab for 302 times to see if i can get helpFRI 16:33Hi Paul. Your case has been escalated to upper management. You should be receiving an answer from them by Tuesday. We have our very best working on your case. – Cortneyon Wed, May 1, 2019 at 10:00 AM paul goeltz <pgoeltz@gmail.com> wrote:Attn: Carmen G.”/  Cortney W.So the grievance is all wrong, those are not my words. the program if opened1 per doc kemple i need a medical detox 4 or higher and inpatient pain rehab or best might end up back on a pump, reeading mjh, not sure they do detox and what levels?there is many pain clinics that are hooked to hospital, for ppl like me with medical conditions.the couple i gave was my research.i also want to complain about the company you hired to do case management, they did nothing and left this in a mess.that said i need case management or help with this.  are you saying in one week if  the codes are not right i will be in the first week of a 5-8 week in patient stay, as the detox is part one learning to try to live with out pain meds are reducing them takes learning, so i might as well shoot myself now, it took a year of begging to get this and now it being forced down my throat, i have talked to no one about any of these places!! Sheryl and that company was to help me decide and make a wise choice but what happened?  so ur saying the hell with Paul  after one week, it gives the hospital no faith in blue shield and they probably will not give me the care i need seeing BS want to still play games.Another part is why no case manager/ i don’t know how when I’m out of it both detoxing and with out pain meds, you can get me out and who will fight for me,  you tell ppl don’t should NOT! make decision when on opiates, well over 20 yrs so your asking me to make a life decision even though it bad a dangerous//??  why is this all messed up you ask us to make the bad decision even though you know your to help??if this is what there is, your blue shield doctors don’t talk, how do you sign them up, this is real said, messing with ppl life’s here, no case, you figure it out goeltz, i have been but now its all wrong, well the best is after a week when they boot me, i;ll go er to er.  so what about the case manager telling me to go to drug and booze detox, for 2 months she had me calling those places and listing to there lies you’ll be fine with the serenity bed etc, and Sheryl just said yes to everything, like she had to help another person with one place, does it not take 3-5 place to make an informed decision??  i wanted kemples medical necessity letter and records sent to 5 to make the right choice for me and bs so you get value.  you should be a part that what Sheryl was do do not just chicken out.miamijewishhealth.org/healthcare-services-programs/rosomoff-center/  maybe not best fit, but maybe lowball for you and no one has even compared them, does BS not want whats best??https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/specialty_areas/pain/patient_information/inpatient.htmlhttps://www.sierratucson.com/programs/pain-management-recovery/https://lasvegasrecovery.com/pain/so it appears all the help for a week in a long program, is just insane? is the bottom line the only thing BS of ca cares about.DO I JUST NEED DETOX?It’s important to know that detox alone will not solve a drug use problem. Some individuals find that once they have successfully completed detox, they still need to enroll in a program to help them rebuild their life after prescription pain killers. Freedom Model Retreats offers a Cognitive Behavioral Learning program that uses self assessment and self change to teach guest to reevaluate their choices and decisions and to make choices that are more productive. Guests learn the importance of forming habits and behaviors that are positive and more purposeful and they realize that they have the power to take back control of their life and to have a life that is permanently free from substance use. see most detox is for abuser, they get to learn to cope and so do i it takes tiome 5-8 weeks to tryiong out different meds, drips, etc, we dont get this right i will be back, i will take this to the highest court.  the boozes and dopers dont have any issues but paul goeltz who omnly takes what is giving noting lost stolen etc, i been told your not hooked so no detox and you can go to any detox and blue shiled will get with the place to decide?? ok what is the plan after detox? is there detox what level, can i pay for higher like 5/anyway please dont leave me after one week if you want me to go to miami jewish is a program, they are layughing at BS all ready, your showing your card, they know you dont want to pay.  i can say if i dont get into a good programthis just seems like here toss paul a bone and we dont even know if this is right placepgso i spoke with a couple doctors< they all came to the same conclusion, BS could care less, and this will make a great best seller, why paul died while trying to get help/   kemple told me he spoke with higher ups there, and going into a program that is 5-8 weeks with just a week approved is a death sentence!  people detoxing from drugs or booze don’t have to deal with this?It sounds like MJH does not understand the codes and billing, which would mean me suffering, and having to appeal a program??  Not even sure if MJH does detox, i was told they do from that case management company you hired and relieved??    Did we get all of there case notes??What happened to https://lasvegasrecovery.com/pain/ orsierratucson.com/programs/pain-management-recovery/https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/specialty_areas/pain/patient_information/inpatient.htmlmiamijewishhealth.org/healthcare-services-programs/rosomoff-center/http://med.stanford.edu/pain.html how can BS pay for drinkers at these places but not a rehab pain patient??also why cant that company that you hired to do case management help? yes they got tossed off, but that is there job i have the sheet in front of me, it does no say i can have case manger if just using medical or mental, as i had them with just medical, so i demand there help. and a nurse that will help me make informed thoughts ideas etc, this also is in the job description.  there number is 1 866 567 6195, i called them again week ago asking for help and was told they will be in touch this seems to be very common at BS, were laddies say oh we will call back or i will file a grievance and have not … i called 3 times about grievance and the last one went but not my words, 2 ladies did nothing, same with that company, they claim an inability to help.yes @blueshieldca is paying the ceo over 42 million, meanwhile my pain doctor is trying to get spinal rehab 5-8 weeks inpatient, yes it will cost, but no BS wants to pay there #nonprofits brass billions, and us the workers we get #Death sort of like living in #gaza @scvwdANONdaisypgöeltz added,Sauk River Review@OldSaukRiverReplying to @OldSaukRiver @pgoeltz and 10 othersHow can Uaccept it’s ok4 some 2die while others can live? This is the kind of choice Nazis offered -what our pol system in DC -overrun by insur & pharma interests turns them in2 w/this fully unacceptable form of bargaining.…WERLL HOPE YOU CAN SEE THE ISSUEShare this: