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Dean Timeline Repost for Future Reference

Since many of us do not (or soon will not) have access to the Dean Timeline by @/soft-pine as a resource, I've decided to repost it before I've actually had the time to read the whole thing myself. I tried adding the original to the Wayback Machine, but because the original post has a readmore on it, I don't know of a way to save the full post to the Wayback Machine. (If anyone knows a way, please let me know in the notes or something.)

For this reason, I'm posting this without a cut at first, so I can (hopefully) save a screenshot to the Wayback Machine. Once that's done, I will put a cut to save the dash. I will have reblogs turned off until I've added a readmore and a WBM link to this post.

Updated with WBM archive link. It still gives a tumblr login wall after a couple seconds, so if you need to use it you'll want to select all and copy pretty quickly.

Link address (add after h tt ps : // and delete spaces) web. archive. org / web/20240307174920/ ht tps : //www . tumblr . com / fandom-hoarder /744313831414792192 /dean-timeline-repost-for-future-reference ? source = share

When consulting this timeline as a canon resource, I would keep in mind that John's Journal is not technically canon, and that some factoids from the TV canon may be unreliable narration or retcons (such as the mention of the Grand Canyon in s8, when previous canon already states that Sam and Dean have never been there.)

Originally posted by @/soft-pine:

Timeline of Every Anecdote from Dean's Childhood in Supernatural

This is super open to feedback and suggestions if I missed something. This also includes a few quotes and things from a couple of the tie-in novels where they don't conflict with canon.

Content notes: death, child abuse, alcohol

1983

Dean is 4

John & Mary used to call Dean their “little piglet” because he liked to eat so much. [1]

Dean played T-ball. [2]

Mouse Trap is Dean's favorite game. [3]

Mary would feed Dean tomato-rice soup when he was sick. [4]

Mary would sing "Hey Jude" as a lullaby. [5]

Dean really likes Mary's meatloaf. He doesn't know she gets it from Piggly Wiggly. [6]

Between May and November John and Mary had a fight and John left home for a few days. [7]

November 2 - Mary Winchester dies, Sam is 6 months old.

November 6 - Mary Winchester's funeral. Her uncle arranges a headstone even though she doesn't have a body. [8] John Doesn't go. [9]

Before November 16 – They're staying with friends, Mike and Kate. [8] John Meets Missouri. [11]

November 16 – John walks out of Mike & Kate's. Takes boys to Julie's. Goes to see Missouri. Julie gets killed. They leave Lawrence. [12] “Got the hell out of Lawrence. If I never go back, it'll be too soon. Not for Dean, though. The first thing he wanted to know was when we would go remember a home [sic]. But we don't have a home anymore, Dean. The sooner you get used to that, the better.” [13]

John leaves a box of pictures in the basement of the house. [14]

November 20 – Dean sees John kill a shapeshifter. [15] “Dean walked out of the roadhouse right when I put the final bullet into the shape-shifter's head. And he said, 'Why'd you kill him, Dad?'” [16]

November 21 – Boys are with Pam & Bill in Elgin. John's first night away from them. [17] “Here's what I wish I could say to Dean – Your brother's too young to understand any of this, but you're beginning to. And that scares me. Since your mother died, I've seen unspeakable things, and now you've seen them and that's my fault.... Until then, I can only pray that you're strong enough to look after Sam. One of us has to be.” [18]

November 25 – John meets Pastor Jim. [19]

November 29 – John gets the boys from Elgin & leaves. [20]

December - Dean still hardly talks. He never budges from John's side – "or from his brother. Every morning, Dean is inside the crib, arms wrapped around baby Sam. Like he’s trying to protect him from whatever is out there in the night. [21]

December 11 - Sammy has finally started sleeping through the night, and now that Dean shares a bed with him, he’s out like a light as well. [22]

December 25 - "a crooked two foot tall plastic tree, a bunch of junk food stuffed in the stockings, and a pile of sports equipment for the boys… football, basketball, soccer." [23]

December 29 - “Dean hasn't been the same since he saw me kill that shape-shifter. I don't know how to talk to him about it. He's not even five years old. Most kids his age don't even have a clear idea what death is, and he's seen it up close and personal. What do I say to him? How old does he have to be before I tell him the truth?”[24]

13.21 (okay this is technically in a dream of Sam's)

http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/John%27s_Journal_(diary_entries)

14.17

5.13

12.2

5.16

2.04

"John's Winchester's Journal" by Alex Irvine

http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/John%27s_Journal_(diary_entries)

John's Journal

1.09

John's Journal

http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/John%27s_Journal_(diary_entries) & John's Journal

John's Journal

1984

Dean is 5

“I realized I can't leave [Dean] in school... I know he should be able to run around with other kids, who don't know how to field-strip the Browning. Well, Dean doesn't either, yet. But he's learning. He's got a talent for guns. I can see it already. And he'll need it.” [1]

May 2 – John meets Daniel Elkins. [2]

May 17 - “Sammy took his first steps yesterday. He walked toward Dean, then fell flat on his face and started crying. Life is tough, kid. Do I sound like a proud dad? I am.” [3]

1-3. John's Journal

1985

Dean is 6

January 24 - “It's been more than a year since he saw me kill a shape-shifter. He doesn't talk about it anymore. And he's stopped asking when he's going to go to school. Maybe this year, now that he's a little older, now that he knows a little more about things. I've been teaching him. Not the worst stuff, but enough so he knows that there are things that go bump in the night.” [1]

September 7 – Dean's first day of school. [2] “He asked on the way in whether kids in school learned the same stuff he'd been learning. I had to tell him that maybe it wasn't a good idea for him to talk about Dad's job on the playground. He came home on the top of the world, and he brought me worksheets with the names of the different parts of a fish...” [3]

November 2 - “Dean saw something on my face, or maybe it was just that he knew what day it is. When I got here, he came up to me and asked if I'd had a tough hunt. I couldn't talk for a minute.” [4]

November 14 – John takes Dean shooting the first time. “Took Dean shooting. If he's big enough to try to comfort me, he's big enough to start learning the tools of the trade. I only let him fire the .22, but he is a deadeye marksman. My drill sergeant would have taken him over me in a second. Times like this, I sure am proud of my boy. I have a feeling it will be different with Sammy. Maybe he's just too young to show it, but I don't think he's got the same kind of killer instinct.” [5] John takes Dean out shooting for the first time, using bottles as target practice. According to Dean, he "bullseyed every one of them." Dean remembers this story as him being “6 or 7." Dean cites this story as one of the fonder memories of his father. [6]

Rufus spent the whole year being nice. It was the worst year of his life.

1-5. John's Journal

6. 2.06

1986

Dean is 7. “For his seventh birthday, I took Dean shooting again. He wanted to fire one of the big guns – that's what he called them. I let him shoot the Browning, but I steadied his hands. Sammy wanted me to help him make Dean a card.” [1]

Dean starts having a crush on Daisy Duke. [2]

April 16 – Bill Harvelle dies. [3]

May 2 - “Sammy is three years old today. We celebrated with ice-cream cake. He was still wearing most of it when he fell asleep. Dean's sleeping too, the two of them in the same bed. The room only has one bed. I'll sleep on the floor... Some nights it's enough to watch them sleep, and know that if they start having a nightmare, I'll be right there to stop it.” [4]

September 5 – Dean starts second grade. “I watch him like a hawk. He makes me swear that I'll take good care of Sammy before he'll go to school. God, I love that kid.... Sammy's a very different kid. He hasn't taken to the idea of hunting bad guys, and he's still too young to really understand what it means to avenge his mother.” [5]

November 2 – “Dean watches his little brother like a hawk every minute, with an expression on his face that says he's willing to die to keep Sammy safe. [Mary] doesn't know how it tears me up inside to see that expression, and to know that it's there because I have drilled it into Dean that Sammy is his responsibility. He's eight [sic] years old, and I've told him his brother's life is in his hands. Mary, I didn't have any right to do that. But what else could I do?” [6]

John began the masked vampire case - looking into killings and kidnappings along Route 77. [7]

John's Journal

11.13

2.06, 2.14 & John's Journal

John's Journal

15.20

1987

Dean is 8

January 24 - Dean's school has a party for him then John takes them to Chuck E. Cheese's. [1]

John takes Dean and Sam on a donkey ride at the Grand Canyon. Dean’s donkey is very flatulent which Sam finds very funny. [2]

May 2 – John has to pull Dean out of school because a demon knows where they are. “Dean understands.” [3]

May 17 - “I'm starting to figure out you can move a kid from school to school every month, and the schools deal with it because they have to. A part of me wonders how the kids deal with it. But sons have to be soldiers. And soldiers adapt.” [4]

July 13 – A hunt goes bad for John in Portland, Maine. “We were almost to the New Hampshire state line and I'd told Dean a little about what had happened, because I was so frustrated and ashamed that I had to talk to someone. Sammy was asleep the whole time. Then Dean asked me one of those killer questions that little kids come up with. 'Dad,' he says, 'Won't the manitou go after other people now?' That's a hard thing to face. Not that he asked the question, or that he was right, but that he had a better sense of right and wrong than I did.” [5]

November 2 - “Dean asked me today what she looked like. He never talks about her on any other day but this one. I couldn't even show him a picture, so I told him what you tell a boy who asks about his dead mother. I told him that she was beautiful and kind and she loved him and Sammy more than anything in the world.” [6]

Dean has begun hunting. [7]

John's Journal

8.21

John's Journal

11.08

1988

Dean is 9

January 24 - “We're on our third move, so he might not finish third grade. He calls himself the New Kid all the time. He's been to three schools already this year. Who knows how many more.” [1]

May 2 - John is hunting a Shtriga in Wisconsin when he leaves Sam and Dean alone in a hotel room. Dean gets bored and goes out and comes back to find the Shtriga attacking Sammy. John returns in time to scare the Shtriga off. [2] “I could blame Dean, but it's my fault. There's enough blame to go around. I missed the kill, and I left Dean watching Sam, and he couldn't pull the trigger when he needed to. I haven't taught him well enough. If he is weak like that again, my boys will die... but what kind of father am I to put my a nine-year-old boy in a situation where he might have to kill to protect his brother? I'm the kind of father I have to be. I'm the kind of father who teaches his boys that no man or monster can kill their mother and get away with it.” [3]

They know Pastor Jim by this point. [4]

Dean and Sam (5) were playing dress up as Batman and Superman and jump of the roof of a shed. Sam breaks his arm and Dean took him to the E.R. on the handlebars of his bike. [5]

May – John knows Bobby by now. [6]

December 5 - “Dean's teacher called to tell me that he got a subscription to Weekly World News, and had it delivered to school. How is he paying for it? I could ask him, but he's already too sharp to give me a straight answer. And I could force him to, but there's no point. If that makes him feel more at him in this world...” [7] (Dean later misremembers the name of the newspaper.[8])

At some point before now Dean is given his first beer by Fred Jones in Salt Lake City. [9]

John's Journal

1.18

John's Journal

1.18

9.15 (mentioned again in 11.08)

John's Journal

2.03

8.08. He also apparently gives Sam his first beer too but it's unlikely it was this same time?

1989

Dean is 10

January 24 - “Dean turns ten today. Regan out of office.” [1]

Dean knows how to drive. [2] “Not young like I was when he actually taught me how to drive.” [3] (If Sam learned to drive by 9 (see 1992), it stands to reason Dean would have learned at least that early if not sooner.)

“When I was 10, I got my first B&E from borrowing some family's pay-per-view so I could watch the cage match between you and the Tower of Power.” [4]

May 2 – Sam turns six. John sends him to kindergarten. “He's such a different kid than Dean. Quiet, watchful. He's learned that there are things to fear in the world, but where Dean wants to fight them, you get the sense that Sammy watches, learns.” [5]

July 4 – Dean & Sam are in a day camp. Staying nights with Pastor Jim – camping in his yard. “On the fifth day of the camp, Dean was canoeing through an easy rapids on the Blue Earth River. Things went bad. Dean swore to me when he came back that he'd seen something – only he said 'someone' – capsize the canoe. I didn't think about it too much... until the next week when another canoe went over and the counselor paddling it died.” John pulls them from camp. [6]

Dean: "You couldn't been more than 5— you just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom? Why do we always have to move around? Where'd Dad go when he'd take off for days at a time? I remember I begged you, "Quit asking, Sammy. Man, you don't want to know.... I just wanted you to be a kid... Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you... Keep you safe... Dad didn't even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I had one job... I had one job..." [7]

November 2 - “Today I overheard the boys talking about her, about her death. Sammy's old enough to be asking hard questions, and I think that's making Dean think about some things that he'd put away until now. He's a tough little kid, Dean. Like me. But he's also like me in the way he holds things in. Now his little brother is asking him things and he's got to figure out a way to protect Sammy while Sammy's questions put him through the emotional wringer all over again.” [8]

Bobby takes Dean to play catch instead of “practice with the double-barrel” as John had instructed Dean. In the flash back Rufus guesses the year is around 1989. “No, we didn't shoot rifles, as a matter of fact. We threw a ball around. He's a kid, John. They both are. They're entitled.... Yeah, I know I ain't their dad.” Bobby hangs up and throws the phone down. [9]

John's Journal

http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/Origins_1

11.04

11.15

John's Journal

2.22

John's Journal

7.10

1980s General

(i.e. there isn't a specific date mentioned for this but I'm guessing from context that it happened in this decade)

Sam sticks army men into Baby's ashtray. [1]

Dean sticks Legos into the vents. [2]

Dean eating all of Sam's Halloween candy sometime. [3]

John taking them to see World of Wrestling. Sometime before Dean is ten. Dean calls it “one of the nicest things” John ever did. Sam remembers John getting drunk. [4]

John takes Dean fishing. When Dean tells Jack, Jack feels from his tone that it's his happiest memory of John. [5]

Dean telling Sam a stupid joke to distract him from ripping off bandaids when he was little. [6]

The first beer John shared with Dean tasted like "crap". [7]

Sam's memory of Thanksgivings: “We had a bucket of extra-crispy and Dad passed out on the couch. [8]

"I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up." [9]

Dean says he believed the TV ads about Sea Monkeys having families [10]

Dean mentions a babysitter, Mrs Chancy, who was obsessed with the TV show Dynasty [11], which ran until 1989 when Dean was ten. This could be a lie he's just telling a kid to get him to open up about his babysitter though.

"Alright, here we go. John Winchester's famous cure-all kitchen sink stew. There you go. Enough cayenne pepper in there to burn your lips off, just like Dad used to make."

"You used to read to me, um, when I was little, I— I mean, really little, from that— from that old, uh... Classics Illustrated comic book. You remember that? ... Knights of the Round Table. Had all of King Arthur's knights, and they were all on the quest for the Holy Grail. And I remember looking at this picture of Sir Galahad, and, and, and he was kneeling, and— and light streaming over his face..."

5.22

12.11 & 14.04

11.15

14.17

15.01

15.20

5.16

1.22

5.06

8.21

1990

Dean is 11

January 24 - “Dean turns eleven today. He asked for his own gun, and I got him one. A Seecamp LWS .32 automatic, the smallest gun I could find that offered any kind of stopping power. Dean and I poured silver slugs for it ourselves and we loaded it with alternating silver and Winchester hollow-points. He's got it in his pocket now.” [1]

January - John is injured on a hunt in Windom, Minnesota, and goes to the hospital, where he meets Kate Milligan. [2]

May 2 – They've moved around enough that Sam is behind in school. John thinks he should do more like home teaching. “I'd ask Dean to do it, but there's only so much you can pile on a kid. Having Sammy's life in his hands is enough for Dean; he can't be responsible for home-schooling Sammy too.” [3]

September 29 - Adam Milligan is born. [4]

At some point Dean makes a sawed off. He's in sixth grade. [5]

John's Journal

4.19

John's Journal

4.19

3.03

1991

Dean is 12

February – Winchesters go to Albuquerque for a few months. Dean “even talked about wanting to play basketball this spring, but I'm not sure he's serious. I think he's taking cues from me, talking about everyday stuff when I try to keep us in one place. Then when we're on the road again, all he can talk about is hunting.” [1]

March – Sam played a sunbeam in the school play and talking about a science project to enter into the school fair. John working construction. [2]

March 17 – The kids play soccer. [3]

April 1 – John quits his job. Mrs Lyle kidnaps Sam – taking him to a regional science fair but not. “Dean came through. I don't have any words for how proud I am of him. His brother's under some kind of spell, there's a giant monster made out of train parts coming after me, and he has the presence of mind to find the journal and read the exorcism out of it. I almost lost both of my boys today.... How am I going to explain to Sammy that we're not going back to school?... To top it all off, I had to give Sammy a sharp lecture on not talking to strangers. While I was on the phone with Bobby, he just got out of the car and went up to a black Seville. I read him the riot act – Dean too, since he let it happen and it's his job to watch Sammy. All Sammy would say about it was that the guy wanted to know where we were going.” [4]

April 7 – At Bobby's. [5]

April 18 – Silas, friend of Bobby's tells John Sam is special. [6]

April 19 – John taking Dean deer hunting. “It's out of season but the Dakotas are lousy with Deer and Dean needs to pull a trigger to sharpen him up.... The hunting trip was nearly a disaster. Dean missed the shot. I sent him after the buck, a beautiful twelve-pointer, and he dropped the gun when he tripped on the trail. Then out of nowhere comes Sammy, who picks up the gun and lays that big boy out. A seven-year old... well, almost eight. Then he tells me that the deer had taken Dean's gun, and that Sammy had to protect him.” Sam got a ride from the Black Seville to the trail. They go back to see Silas. Dean & John leave for an hour but they see the Seville. Go back to Silas'. John leaves Dean outside with Sam on the porch but John finds Silas butchered inside. [7]

Dean to Bobby: “You used to take us hunting. Remember? Dad had a case, he'd just dump us on you. Shoot, you must have taught us most of the outdoor tracking we know.” Bobby: “Yeah, what I could get to stick. I never could get you little grubs to pull a trigger on a single deer.” Dean: “You’re talking about Bambi, man.” Bobby: “You don't shoot Bambi, jackass. You shoot Bambi's mother.” [8] (This interaction isn't directly referencing the story above but it adds context, I think.)

April 20 – John has kidnapped Anderson, from the Black Seville, stolen the car and Dean killed Anderson. “My oldest son is blooded.” [9]

December 25 - Sam (8) and Dean are at a motel in Broken Bow, Nebraska. John is hunting while Sam and Dean spend Christmas alone together. Sam reads John's Journal and finds out that Mary's death was supernatural, monsters are real, and that John hunts them. He confronts Dean, who confirms it. Sam gives Dean an amulet. [10] John suspects Sam has been reading the journal. Says he left them presents. Dean stole night vision goggles from the gun show in Amarillo to give to John from him & Sam. [11] “They're both starting to act out a little, because we're apart so much. Sam gets resentful and has trouble keeping his temper. Dean tries to fix everything and keep us together as a team.” [12]

John's Journal

7.09

John's Journal

3.08

John's Journal

1992

Dean is 13

January 24 – they celebrate at Mama Janer's in Flint, Michigan. [1]

March 30 - “I thought the lesson was learned back in Wisconsin, but the same thing almost happened again. I left the boys next at the beach in Two Lakes State Park and went looking for a skinwalker, and then it was Ichi all over again. Only this time the skinwalker took on the appearance of a park ranger it had killed, and nearly got the boys to come with it because they trusted the uniform. I still can't completely trust them on a hunt. I took it down, and lit into the two of them. Especially Dean. I have to be hard on him because one of these days I'm not going to be around, and he's the one who's going to have to look out for his brother. He's a badass, though. I thought I was tough when I was thirteen, but Dean would have kicked my ass six ways to Sunday.” [2]

John buys a Playboy featuring Anna-Nicole Smith, both boys end up reading it. [3]

June - Sam tells John he is afraid of the monster in his closet and John gives him a .45. [4] Sam sleeps with it under his pillow and sleeps soundly for 5 nights in a row. [5]

Sam wants to go hunting with Dean. Dean says John said no. John calls to ask Sam to come. [6]

Sam learns to drive when he's nine. [7]

John's Journal

7.22

1.01

John's Journal

11.08

John's Journal (mentioned in 1999)

1993

Dean is 14

January 24 – Dean goes to the movies with "girlfriend" (according to John) Katie. “Quite the ladykiller that kid. Like I was at his age.” John thinks Dean is like him and trouble. “He's like me. If i'm not careful with him, by the time he's twenty he'll have left a trail of kids and arrests warrants all over the country.” [1]

January – Motel Baba Yaga case. Dean says, “I was babysitting you when I was your age”. Sam says "I'm pretty sure that's illegal." Dean sees the nest, a pile of dead kids and has "nightmares about it for the longest time." [2]

May – Sam has been on a soccer team. He had a game and John took him bow hunting instead. They need to learn weapons because “there are demons after Sammy. He needs to know how to fight them, and Dean needs to know how to protect him.” [3]

Summer - John takes them hiking in the Rocky Mountains. One day he fills packs for Sam & Dean and takes them up a mountain and leaves them around dark, telling them to wait for an hour then try to find the way back and that he doesn't expect them for days. They find the packs are full of mostly useless supplies. John says it's a lesson not to trust anyone. [4] (DM me if you want the full quote. It's really sad.)

December 25 – Joplin, Missouri. Sam & Dean give John a book on theosophy which John guesses they stole. [5]

John's Journal

15.16

John's Journal

"Witches Canyon" by Jeff Mariotte, 195-198

John's Journal

1994

Dean is 15

January – Dean helps John “take out a spirit haunting a grocery owned by an Indian family in Erie, Pennsylvania.” It wasn't as simple as burning bones because of different traditions. [1]

May 2 – Sam asks for a computer for his birthday. John gets him a Macintosh Performa. “Looks like Team Winchester just took a big leap ahead when it comes to gathering information.” John mentions Bobby helped him get fake credit cards. [2]

Summer - Sam and Dean spend part of the summer being looked after by Donna, a babysitter (and maid at the Mayflower) in Housatonic, Massachusetts, while John hunts. One time John is gone for two weeks. It is the summer before Sam enters 6th grade, and he assigns himself a summer reading list. Dean possibly has a crush on Donna. [3]

October - They are living In Bismark (North Dakota?). Sam has a crush on Andrea Howell & has a really bad experience at her Halloween party, throwing up. Sam hides in the woods until Dean comes and gets him. [4]

Sam still believes in the Easter Bunny until close to here. [5]

John's Journal

5.12

14.04

10.12

1995

Dean is 16

January 24 – Montana hunting a werewolf with bows. John says he'll let Dean take the lead on the hunt the next day. [1]

January 25 – Dean does very well. Good shot. [2] Dean's first Werewolf. Sam go to the body burning. "So. I pick up this crossbow. And I hit that ugly sucker with a silver-tipped arrow right in his heart. Sammy's waiting in the car, and uh, me and my dad take the thing into the woods, burn it to a crisp. I'm sitting there and looking into the fire, and I'm thinking to myself, I'm sixteen years old. Most kids my age are worried about pimples, prom dates. I'm seeing things that they'll never even know. Never even dream of." [3]

Dean spends two months at Sonny's Home for Boys after being caught shoplifting. [4]

April 20 - Dean's award for New York Wrestling Champion. [5] John is in Oklahoma City hunting. [6]

Sam spends all of his time on the computer or arguing with John. “He wants to be in one place, live a normal life. The older he gets, the more he wants it. But the older he gets, the more I'm going to need him to help on the hunt. He's got to understand that.” [7]

November 13 – Sam's soccer team won division championship. John writes that he's proud of him and that he'll keep the trophy. [8]

November 24 - Sam has his first traditional Thanksgiving dinner at his crush Stephanie’s house. He has been attending a school called McKinley for two weeks. [9]

John's Journal

2.03

9.07

John's Journal

3.03 & John's Journal Book

5.16

1996

Dean is 17

January 24 – John takes Dean shooting. Then sends him to hunt. “I've let him take the lead before but I've always been there to back him up. This time he's on his own. Partly it's a test, and partly I wanted some time with Sammy. Should be no problem for Dean. Ghosts of two nuns haunting St. Stephen's Indian Mission in Riverton, Wyoming. Simple salt-and-burn mission. Nuns in love with each other, then discovered. Killed themselves. We scoped the situation out, figured that something must be left behind that's now a focus for the haunting. Bible, rosary beads, some small article that's hidden somewhere in their room. I figured Dean would take care of it no problem, but I still stayed close by with Sammy.... Dean took care of the nuns just like I thought he would, but I don't think I'm going to be sending him on any more solos soon.” [1]

Sam finishes sixth grade a year late. He's mad about it. [2]

July 4 - Dean and Sam set off fireworks in a field and almost burn it down. [3]

At some point when Sam was 13 he ran away for two weeks while under Dean's watch in Flagstaff, Arizona, living off pizza in a cabin and befriending a dog he called Bones. Dean scoured the whole town looking for him and worried he might have died, and John was furious when he found out. [3]

John's Journal

5.16

1997

Dean is 18

January 24 – John gives Dean the Impala. “I've taught Dean a lot of what I know about working on cars, which was everything until 1983.... He knows I'll still be driving it, but he's a man now, and since he's already made his share of kills, this was the only right of passage I could think of. He goddamn well better take care of it.” [1]

When he's 13, Sam briefly wants to be a magician. [2]

May – Sam has been having strange dreams. “Plus now that he's hitting adolescence, he's a giant pain in the ass. Dean just chased girls and snuck around with beers in his coat pockets.” Sam just shuts down or wants to argue. [3]

June 16 – John claims Dean graduates high school & gets a diploma. John says Sam will be graduating when he's nineteen and will be mad about it. [4] But Dean didn't graduate high school. He got a GED. [5]

July 4 - Sam and Dean “burned down that field” when they set off their own fireworks display. [6]

Summer - The Winchesters hunt a werewolf. [7]

November - Sam and Dean attend Truman High in Fairfax, Indiana, for 3 or 4 weeks, while John is on a hunt that was originally supposed to be 2 weeks but ended up taking longer than expected. Dean is in 12th Grade. It is the third school they have attended since September. [8]

John's Journal

4.12

John's Journal

5.01

5.16

4.13

1998

Dean is 19

Sam is a mathlete. [1]

Summer - While John and Dean are off hunting a Kitsune, Sam stays in Lincoln, Nebraska, and does research for them. While there, he meets a girl and has his first kiss - only to discover that John and Dean's hunt has circled back on him. [2]

May – John feels Sam is shirking his duty. Dean and Sam don't get along as well. [3]

July - Dean goes on a solo "five states in five days" road trip, but ends up spending most of it in Cicero, Indiana, with Lisa Braeden. In the meantime, John & Sam "tie up a hunt" in Orlando, Florida. [4]

Dean meets Rhonda Hurley, she makes him try on her pink, satin panties and he likes it. [5]

At some point they spend time with Travis, the hunter. [6]

4.04

7.03

John's Journal

3.02

5.04

4.04

1999

Dean is 20

January 24 – Dean in Ohio. “Hasn't called in a couple of days. Tracking a possible poltergeist. He's supposed to call in every night. Mission discipline is critical.” [1]

John's Journal

1990s General

Dean trying to cook Winchester Surprise on a hotplate with food (baloney and sliced cheese) that it seems Sam shoplifted in the rain. John gets home and throws it out. [1] In Lebanon John tells Sam he remembers this and apologizes to Sam for it. [2]

Sam and Dean visited the Cleveland Botanical Gardens on a field trip. [3]

Dean going to CBGB "way underage" and John coming to get him. [4]

Hunting the chupacabra in Mexico. Sam is an olderish teenager when he says this happened the year before. [5]

John making Dean be bait, [6]

Dean used to live on “Nerve Damage” (“10 times the legal limit of caffeine”) as a kid. [7]

Escalating prank wars? [8]

Could be 80s too: Dean: “Remember that wreath Dad brought home that one year?” Sam: “You mean the one he stole from, like, a liquor store?” Dean: “Yeah, it was a bunch of empty beer cans. That thing was great.” [9]

14.11

14.13

5.16

10.09

11.10

14.14 production draft. Corroborated by 1.20. Putting this in 1990s and not 1980s is very generous imo.

13.08

1.17

3.08

2000

January 1 – Dean has a terrible hangover. Immobile. John is also hungover. [1]

January 24 - Dean is 21. “I'd buy him a beer if I thought it would be something new. He's also old enough to buy his own guns now. I tried to raise him right, and it looks like I did. He's a scam artist, a ladies' man, and an absolutely loyal son. He knows what's right and doesn't hesitate to do it. I'm proud of him. Now that he's hunting on his own I don't see as much of him, but I know he's out there. When I call him on a job, he's right there every time. I've spent the last sixteen years afraid that I was going to screw him up somehow. Maybe now I can forget about that.” [2]

May 2 – John buys Sam a Mac for his birthday. [3]

1-3 John's Journal

2001

Dean is 22. He's away from John in Arkansas. [1]

May 2 – Sam & John aren't getting along. “He hunts when we need him to, but he's never committed himself the way Dean did. Dean's never known any other way to live, or if he has, he doesn't act like it. He's playing the role he was born to play.... I've given [Sam] more slack that I ever gave Dean.... Dean never even thought about college. We used to joke about it once in a while.” John wants to convince Sam not to go to college. Sam helps hide their trail of credit cards. [2]

Sam smokes weed maybe. [3]

John's Journal

11.19

Pre-2002, 2000s General

Sam & Dean driving 1,000 miles for an Ozzy show. [1]

Driving two days for a Jayhawks game. [2]

John catches Lee and Dean 'wasted' on a hunt. [3]

John plays Dean and Lee “Good Ol Boys” before hunts. “Listen up boys this is real music. [4]

Sam used to try to get him & Dean to do 'honest work' rather than hustling pool.[5]

The Las Vegs annual trip. [6]

Sam ran tech for a production of Oklahoma. [7]

5.22

15.17

5.22

7.08 (this seems like a stretch, imo)

10.05

Post-2002, 2000s General

Dean sleeps with Annie. [1]

Dean sees Lee while Sam's in college. [2] Possibly the 'cult thing in Arizona' 'what that thing did to that family, those kids.' Because Lee does one more job after that in Texas and retires.

At some point Dean hunts a Vetala and learns they usually hunt in pairs. [3]

7.19

15.17

7.11

2002

Dean is 23. John imagines he feels physically invincible. [1]

March 8 - Sam says he's leaving hunting to go to Stanford University. John says if he leaves to stay gone. [2] “And now he's going to college? He can go to hell, is where he can go.” (“Dean has always responded to discipline because he believes in the mission”) [3]

June 13 – Sam graduated high school (he's 19). John thinks he's mad it took him a year longer. [4]

August 31 – Sam leaves & John tells him to stay gone. [5]

September - Adam Milligan meets John Winchester. [6] (This could be any time from now til 2003 but I think it would be now because John will want to feel he can replace Sam or do something right.)

John's Journal

1.01, 1.20

John's Journal

4.19

2003

Dean is 24

January 24 - “I was twenty-four when I married his mother. Sorry, kid. Every boy has to cut the apron strings sometime, and for you it's not going to be until we kill off a supernatural entity that seriously needs killing.” [1]

Dean dates Cassie Robinson in Athens, Ohio, for a few weeks, while she finishes up her senior year of college (at Ohio University). Cassie breaks up with Dean after Dean tells her about hunting. [2] It lasts less than two months. [3]

May 2 – Dean & John are leaving Ohio. John overhears Dean on the phone talking about Sam. John notices Dean has been in a rough mood. [4]

June 13 – Dean hears about a succubus in Brooklyn from Richie and heads out quickly. [5]

June 21 - Dean is involved in a hunt for the father of Cole Trenton, in Nyack, NY. [6]

October 9 – Poltergeist case in Kittanning, PA. [7] John mentions that he's been visiting Palo Alto but not like seeing Sam. [8]

John gets taken from this year into the future in "Lebanon." He is sleeping in the Impala and Dean calls him and he tells him he'll be back soon. [9]

John's Journal

1.13

5.11

John's Journal

John's Journal 3.04

10.02

1.04 & John's Journal

John's Journal

14.13

2004

Dean is 25

End of June – John visits Palo Atlo & sees that Sam has a girlfriend. [1]

September 29 - John takes Adam to a ballgame for his 14th birthday. [2]

John's Journal Book

4.19

2005

Dean is 26, dude.

January 1 - “When I was twenty-six, I'd been married for two years and had a toddler. Dean's never been with a woman for more than a couple of weeks at a time. I've prevented him from being a father.” [1]

January 24 – John mentions he's been telling Dean more about the demon stuff he's learning from Bobby. [2]

Summer - John teaches Adam to drive using the Impala (this is after John gave Dean the car for his 18th). [3]

September 29 - John buys Adam a beer when he's 15. [4]

October 3 - John cuts off contact with Dean (John is in Jericho, Dean in New Orleans). [5]

October 28 – John leaves journal in Jericho & goes after demon. [6]

End of October – Dean comes to get Sam.

Dean: "I must have stood outside your dorm for hours... because I didn't... I didn't know what... What you would say. I thought you'd tell me to... to get lost or get dead. And I don't know what I would've done... if I didn't have you. 'Cause I was so scared." [7]

John's Journal

4.19

1.01 & John's Journal

John's Journal

15.20

General Comments

(i.e. just quotes and things that are either too general to place in time or give windows into Dean's feelings about John at various points)

Toni Bevell saying about John's drunken rages and weeks of abandonment. Also pointing out that Dean & Sam didn't tell Mary about it. [1]

Dean says he & Sam could have benefited from a mother's dating advice. [2]

Sam talks about worrying when John & Dean would be out on a hunt and he wouldn't hear from them for days. He thought about what he would do. [3]

Sam saying it seemed to him Dean & John bonded over hunting. [4]

Dean's allusions to liking dancing/wanting to be a dancer. [5]

John saying hunter gatherings were trouble and in general keeping Sam & Dean away from them. [6]

Dean: “I know things got dicey… you know, with dad… the way he was. And I just… I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should’ve. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, it probably looked like I took his side quite a bit. Sometimes when I was… when I was away, you know it wasn’t ‘cause I just ran out, right? Dad would… he would send me away when I really pissed him off. I think you knew that.” [7]

Dean: “Ah well, growing up it was a… it was always nice to check out once in a while. I like to watch movies where I know the bad guy is going to lose.” [8]

“you know kids, no matter what they still want the old man's approval” about an abusive dad. Dean agrees to it. [9]

Dean drinks to “crappy childhoods”. [10]

Dean: “Jo, you've got options. No one in their right mind chooses this life. My dad started me in this when I was so young... I wish I could do something else... Jo, you've got a mother that worries about you. Who wants something more for you. Those are good things. You don't throw things like that away. Might be hard to find later.” [11]

Sam: “his drill sergeant thing worked with you but it didn't work with me.” [12]

Sam: “Dad always said it was temporary, Dean. He said it for 22 years.” [13]

Dean: “And I get what I've been doing lately, you know, what with the yelling and the acting like a prison guard. It's just, that's not me. You tell yourself you're not gonna be something, you know? But my dad was exactly like this. All the time. It's scaring the hell out of me.” [14]

Sam: “I wish I could have that kinda innocence.” Dean: “If it means anything, sometimes I wish you could too.” [15]

“I'm starting to get why parents lie to their kids. You want them to believe that the worst thing out there is mixing Pop Rocks and Coke—protect them from the real evil. You want them going to bed feeling safe. If that means lying to them, so be it. The more I think about it...the more I wish Dad had lied to us.” [16]

Dean says he's been wanting John and Mary back together since he was four. [17]

Dean learned to use CB radios to look for leads from truckers. John used them all the time. [18]

“Growing up on the road, no matter where Dad dragged us, no matter what we did, there was always a TV. And you know what was on that TV? Scooby and the gang.” [19]

Sam: "And when we were kids how many times did we tell dad we were fine just to make him happy?!" [20]

Sam says explicitly that they had to hustle pool to eat. [21] Additionally, Sam says John made them do this. [22]

Travis: "you ever been really hungry? I mean, haven't-eaten-in-days hungry?" Dean: a 'yeah' so emphatic his voice cracks. Sam: silence. [23]

John: “You know, when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt, and after what I'd seen, I'd be, I'd be wrecked. And you, you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in the eye and you'd... You'd say 'It's okay, Dad'... You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know, I put, I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once.” [24]

12.21

11.12

11.18

12.20

7.16 & 15.10

2.03 & 12.06

14.12

14.04

13.02

10.12

2.06

13.04

6.02

1.18

5.06

14.13

13.11

13.16

14.16

15.11

1.08

4.04

2.01

Shoutout to these great timelines as well! http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/Timeline_(Pre-series) & https://supernatural.fandom.com/wiki/Chronology_of_Supernatural

#supernatural#deanwinchtser#dean winchester#spn#timeline#john winchester#john winchesters a+ parenting#baby dean#sam winchester#weechesters#info dump#spn text post

#spn references #spn resources #spn timeline #dean winchester #dean timeline #John's journal #repost cuz I'm blocked #< for organizing purposes #long post

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inevitably-johnlocked · 2 years

Note

Hey Steph, how are you doing today? Hoping you're taking care of yourself. Just wanted to tell you that you are real gem of a person and your work in this blog helps so many people everyday. Kudos to you for doing such an amazing job.

Lastly, if you have free time can you please suggest me any new fluff fics like domestic or friends to lovers and preferably long ones.

Thank you in advance.

*Huggsss*

Hi Lovely!

Ahhh, I could be better! At the time you sent this (because I know this will be drafted for awhile since I'm using it as an excuse to post a new list), the sunshine is FINALLY showing itself after nearly two months of cloudy weather. Sunshine affects my mood positively, so while my normal bleh feelings are still there, it's not overwhelming anymore.

Thank you so much for your kind words on my blog! I'm glad you enjoy it, and I hope others do too :)

That said, and as I alluded to in the first paragraph, I'm going to take this opportunity to finally publish my FTL Pt. 3 list! WOOOOOO!! Hope you enjoy, and everyone please add your own!

FRIENDS TO LOVERS Pt. 3

See also:

T-RATED Pt. 1: Friends To Lovers Fics || [MOBILE LINK]

Friends to Lovers [FULL POST] || [MOBILE POST]

Friends to Lovers Pt. 2

Enemies to Friends to Lovers

Evermore by SosoHolmesWatson (G, 2,068 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4, 5-Year-Old Rosie, Love Confessions, Song Fic, Parentlock, Oblivious John, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Disney Songs, Beauty and the Beast) – For the past years, John and Sherlock have lived at Baker Street again, raising Rosie together--as friends and nothing more. Ever since the little girl has watched her first Disney movie, she is obsessed with princesses. When John comes home one day, he finds his friend and his daughter in the middle of a reenactment of her current favourite. Part 1 of Made of Music

A Gossamer Dream by CarmillaCarmine (E, 15,985 w., 4 Ch. || Writer/Teacher AU || First Meetings, Friends to Lovers, Writer John / Teacher Sherlock, Fluff, London, Holding Hands, Online Friendship / Romance, Phone Sex, Anal Sex, Happy Ending, Alternating POV, Scottish John, Online Relationship, Internalized Homophobia, Hand Holding, Forehead Touching, First Kiss/Time, Texting/Sexting, Rimming, Toplock, Sherlock Speaks French) – Sherlock had never realised one could care so much about someone they'd never met in person. Now he is about to meet the friend with whom he's been chatting online for months and his anticipation is reaching a crescendo.

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

How To Unfold a Heart by elwinglyre (E, 25,477 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It, BAMF John, Mentioned Eurus, POV First Person Sherlock, Case Fic, Fluff, Slow Burn Topping from the Bottom, 3 Yr Old Rosie, Introspection, Sexual Fantasies, John Worship, Ogling, Hand Holding, Kidnapping, Domesticity, Sherlock Whump, First Kiss/Time, Doctor John, Caring John, Soft Sherlock, Sensuality, Touching, Crying, Love Confessions, Anxious Sherlock, Rimming, Toplock, Fingering, Bossy Bottom John) – To Sherlock’s dismay, John’s return to Baker Street with Rosie is only temporary. Sherlock’s daily visits to Regent Park with John and Rosie illuminate his lost childhood memories and missed opportunities. But with each trip to the park, Sherlock also feels a growing sense of hope. That is until the past horrors return unexpectedly in a cryptic note folded in the shape of a heart. To decipher the message, Sherlock must uncover the nature of the hearts around him, including his own.

Rupert Street by WritingOutLoud (M, 27,262 w., 9 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting || Case Fic, Sexuality, Demisexual Sherlock, Drugging, Smart John, Sherlock Has Internalized Biphobia, Fluff, Angst with Happy Ending, Gay Bar, Flirting, John Manipulates Sherlock to Eat, John Deduces, Arguments, Kidnapping/Torture, Hospitalization, John Whump) – Discharged from the war with nothing but the clothes on his back and a realisation of his bisexuality, John Watson has to learn who he’s become. He can’t afford London on an army pension, but the city is the only friend he has. In an effort to understand his newfound queer identity, he heads to a bar one night, where he stumbles across a mysterious stranger who turns his life upside down. ‘I dug around inside myself, and I'm not quite sure what I found, but it was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time.’

Sunday Evening 6 p.m. by Silvergirl (E, 30,712 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF / TEH Divergence, Grief / Mourning / Stages of Grief, Mutual Pining, Dreams, Reunion, Love Confessions, First Kiss / Time, Alternating First Person POV, Smart John, BAMF Boys, Emotional Love Making, Song Fic, Referenced Suicide, First Kiss / Time, Touching, Sleepy Sherlock, Blow Job, Villain Mary) – Six months after Sherlock jumped, he learns that John is dedicating songs to him on a requests-only radio programme. Is John just working through grief? Or is he—communicating? Fixes the hell out of S3 by pre-empting it altogether. Remember, as TAB told us, John is Pretty Damn Smart.

Deck the Halls by itsalwaysyou_jw (T, 31,018 w., 24 Ch. || Advent Fic / Multiple One-Shots, Assorted Tags) – One Johnlock ficlet for every day leading up to Christmas. Who is ready for pining, first kisses, established Johnlock, and everything in between? This collection of stand-alone ficlets will have it all.

Lucifer's Gardens by ampersand_ch (E, 32,679 w., 12 Ch. || GERMAN VERSION || Romance, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Murder, Poison / Drugging, Mystery, John Undercover, Academic Club, Therapy, Rituals, Jungian Archetypes, Doctors & Physicians, Grief/Mourning, Esotericism, Hospitals, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, John Falls In Love With Another Man, Jealous Sherlock, Crying, Doctor John, Hand Holding, First Kiss/Time, Mysticism, Hugging, Touching) – John goes undercover for an investigation as a favour to Lestrade in a village in Suffolk. The events surrounding the case awaken deep-seated fears in Sherlock. While John begins to come to a realisation of what he needs in Lucifer's Gardens, Sherlock tries to find a way to reach John – in more ways than one.

The Hollow Woman by ScopesMonkey (M, 51,335 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Major Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Friendship, Family, Angst, Crime, Reunion, First Kiss / Time, Nightmares, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Jealous John, BAMF John, Angry John, Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Villain Mary, Open Ending) – Forced to return to London sooner than expected, Sherlock falls into a case too close to home. Part 1 of the Hollowverse series

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU || BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic / Meta Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Demisexual Sherlock, Holmes Family, John Whump, Gay Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Drug Addiction, Parenting, TFP is a Nightmare, Virgin Sherlock, Slow Burn, Minor Character Death, Switchlock, John’s Past, Sherlock’s Past, Eurus, Love Confessions) – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own.

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #friends to lovers #my fic recs

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born-to-lose · 4 years

Text

Never Sayin’ Goodbye

Pairing: Deacury

Summary: After Freddie's death, John thinks about what could have been...

Tags: major angst, death, mention of cheating, pining, depression

Words: 2,068

A/N: What's the best present for your own birthday? A meaty piece of angst! Also, I didn't choose to post it today, it was just the date for the prompt "mourning" for Deacury Week. Hope it hurts you as much as it hurt me while I was writing it! Xx

Tip me if you want!

What John felt after finding out Freddie had passed away was indescribable, but you could say for sure that it was the worst thing he'd ever experienced since his father had died. Back then, he'd had his mum and sister's support, as well as the motivation to look forward and do something with his life that would make his dad proud. But now it was even more painful. Yes, Brian and Roger and many other people who had been close to Freddie were grieving too, but to him, it was vastly different. He'd known for some time he was going to lose his best friend, yet he never gave up hope that a miracle would happen and his life would be saved. It wasn't completely impossible, right? Science constantly developed new medications and ways to cure illnesses, so why not Freddie's?

Though he had looked really sick the last time he'd seen him months ago, he wished it wasn't true and Freddie would show up the next morning, completely healthy and everything would be like before. It didn't happen.

He really was gone and John knew he could never get over it. All those memories were too much to just forget about and unlike Freddie's parents, he would never be able to say it happened and that's okay if his time was over. Freddie was his best friend, his confidant, his soul brother. He was the one who had taken the young man under his wing when he'd joined the band over twenty years ago. He cared for him like a big brother, seemingly protecting him from the world and helping him with his social anxiety whenever he could. Another reason John fell into a deep depression was because he'd always felt more for Freddie than a friend. Ever since the beginning of Queen, he'd been in love with him. Although he'd married Veronica less than four years later, this feeling never faded away. He really loved her, no question, but he couldn't stop feeling about him this way, even during his marriage.

It didn't help much, but he tried to cheer himself up a little by thinking about all the happy moments. Especially that one time they shared a hotel room in Tokyo during their Sheer Heart Attack Tour.

John was just scribbling down some lyrics in his notebook when Freddie came into the room. "Hey Deaky! Oh, sorry," he added quietly upon noticing he was working.

He stepped closer and looked over his shoulder, reading the title. 'You're My Best Friend'. "A song about me? I feel honoured!" He dramatically placed a hand over his heart and laughed before sitting down on the bed next to him.

The bassist only smiled. He wasn't too wrong about that… He continued writing as his friend watched him attentively. "Veronica must be a lucky woman to have you," he nearly sighed, laying back. Or at least it sounded like that to John.

He nodded silently, slowly. "I suppose," he murmured. And another line. Another sickeningly sweet wave of praise. And at last a final stroke, finishing the cheesy ballad before he read through the lyrics once more.

"Do you have a melody in mind yet?" Freddie asked.

"Uh… yeah, I sort of came up with one while learning to play piano," he admitted sheepishly.

"It wasn't that horrible Wurlitzer, was it?"

John joined in the bickering, holding back a grin. "It's not that bad!"

"Anyway," the older man shook his head, letting out a breathy chuckle. "Can I hear it please?"

"We don't have a piano here-"

"No no, I mean," he shifted on the bed, quickly scanning over the lyrics. "Can you sing a bit?"

John really didn't like singing in front of people. He firmly believed he couldn't sing, so he always sang to himself when writing songs. He was very self-conscious of his voice; of course, it was nothing compared to Freddie's or his other bandmates'. But suddenly he felt like he could build up the courage to sing to somebody else. Probably only because it was just him and Freddie. Plus, since he actually dedicated the song to him, he deserved to hear those words directly from him instead of singing them himself and leaving everything to the imagination. He thought it would be more meaningful than just playing the melody on the electric piano.

"Alright." He nodded, earning a smile from his friend.

At first, he was really quiet, rather humming the melody than singing. Glancing up the older man, who gave him an encouraging nod, he finally started to actually sing. It was only now that he noticed how fitting the lyrics were as he practically sang the song to the person he had written it for. Just the two of them, sitting on the bed in their hotel room. There wasn't any less space between them than usual, yet it felt like they were closer than ever before in this moment.

God, how much he wanted to tell him, 'This is your song. I wrote it for you and I mean every single word of it.' But the lump in his throat didn't allow him to do so when he was done. He swallowed it and finally looked up into Freddie's eyes. "Do you like it?"

"No, I love it!" He smiled genuinely, blinking. "Really, it's a lovely song. That's a sweet thing to do for Ronnie…" he trailed off. "Has she heard it yet?"

John shook his head and his heart was beating faster. If only he knew that he hadn't, in fact, written it for her. Now his eyes couldn't leave Freddie's deep brown ones. He was captivated. Hopefully, he'd understand who it was really for after he didn't give a proper reply to his assumptions that the song was for Veronica.

He had a feeling Freddie's face had gotten closer and all of a sudden, he felt a warm hand cupping his cheek and soft lips crashing into his. Although he had no idea what was happening, his eyes instinctively fluttered shut. Barely hesitating, he kissed him back, their lips moving in sync for a few seconds before Freddie abruptly pulled away, presumably realizing what they were doing.

His eyes nervously drifted from one side of the room to the other, desperate to avoid the younger man's face. His voice was shaky, his eyes were wet with tears and John immediately felt bad for possibly initiating this. "I-I'm really sorry, John! I shouldn't have done this, I- You're married! Oh God, this was so wrong!"

Yes, it was wrong, but it felt so right! John didn't even have time to say a word as Freddie stormed out, slamming the door behind him. He only wanted to tell him it's okay and he shouldn't feel guilty because he let him. He couldn't bear to see his best friend getting hurt, but what made it even more insufferable was that they were both equally hurt and Freddie didn't know.

For the following weeks - months even - they kept pretending that nothing had happened, but there definitely were some changes. Neither of them really knew how to feel about the other and what the other felt. Still, they tried to make everything not forgotten, but get along just as well as before. It wasn't like they'd gotten into a fight or something, they'd just left that incident not talked about when they clearly should have had.

They started working on the new album in summer and as they were recording Freddie's vocals for "You're My Best Friend", he always held eye contact with with John. The look in his eyes seemed to be an apology for what had happened the first time he'd heard the song. But the way he sang the lyrics made it sound so beautiful that the younger man was beginning to think it was intentional and Freddie was trying even harder to convey the message of the song than usual. He even asked for more takes because he wasn't quite happy with the sound of certain parts here and there. But the more times he sang it, the more melancholic John got. Sure, it was a happy song and he appreciated that Freddie wanted to make it perfect, but he was getting anxious. Anxious about that one time he presented his song to his best friend, who also happened to be the one the song was dedicated to. What should he have done? Not kissed him back and let him believe he had no interest in him? Get him to stay, thus cheating on his pregnant wife? To be honest, neither way was a good solution.

The next song on the list was "Love of My Life", a song by Freddie. When asked who it was written for, he replied, "No one."

John believed it - until he paid special attention to the lyrics and started interpreting the meaning. Especially 'You've broken my heart and now you leave me' hit him hard. Did this have something to do with him? He was pretty sure it did. He had broken his heart, yes, but Freddie was the one who had left him after the kiss… He doubted it was about anyone else, given the circumstances. By the way, it couldn't have been a coincidence that Freddie occasionally shot him a kind of sad glance while singing. Once he finished the song, he asked, "How was that, Deaky?"

He gulped and nodded, giving him a slightly forced smile. "It- it's good! I like it." John really did, but something about this situation made him sick. Suddenly, he was miserable for making Freddie feel this way. Did he mean it that he was the love of his life? Because if so, he felt the same for him. But what if he just misinterpreted the lyrics and it was actually completely out of context?

"Excuse me," he murmured before rushing outside. His head was spinning and he leaned against a wall in the corridor, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down.

Only Roger followed fifteen minutes later to ask if he was okay. "I'm fine, d-don't worry," he said, trying to act normal, but the tear stains on his cheeks betrayed him.

The blond frowned and nodded slowly. "Talk to me if you need to, okay?" He patted his shoulder and went back inside, leaving John alone with his abstruse thoughts.

The following years, John constantly tried to get Freddie back, even though he wasn't exactly getting him 'back', as they'd never been dating. He just wanted him to give him a second chance. In the meantime, Veronica had found out about his secret feelings for his best friend and although there were some arguments and crying, she'd eventually accepted it. They still loved each other and didn't even consider a divorce, but John thought it would be unfair not to let his wife know, so he'd rather told her before anything serious happened.

However, his efforts didn't seem to impress the older man much. He figured Freddie was beginning to think of him as a brother again and there was nothing he could do about that. His hopes sunk lower and lower, but especially when he was introduced to Jim, Freddie's new partner, the tiny part of him that had thought it was possible they'd ever get together was gone too. He was a nice guy and he got along well with him, yet he was incredibly jealous that he was in the place John had wanted to be in for years.

What had started out as a happy memory turned into a sad one pretty quickly. John squeezed his eyes shut, the tears not seeming to stop falling. He felt devastated, guilty and angry all at the same time. Why hadn't he just told him when he'd had the chance? Maybe their relationship would have worked and he would have still been alive then… He was tearing up, his heart shattering into a million little pieces. Anywhere he'd go, he would always see his face or hear his voice, his name, people talking about him. The love of his life, his best friend.

In two decades, John had never managed to say those three words. He had never gotten to tell Freddie how he really felt about him. And now he would never know...

#mel writes #deacuryweek2019 #deacury #deacury fic #freddie mercury x john deacon #john deacon x freddie mercury #queen #queen fic #adding the cut when i'm back home #i know it's a day late it was just in my drafts like this and i'm too lazy to update the a/n

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h3l10tr0p3 · 5 years

Text

Headcanon: Deku, the Serial Shipper

Contains- Mentions of sexual activities, established relationship - Bakudeku; Crack pairings- TodoIna, JiroMomo, UraTsuyu, UraTenya, DenkiSero, Kirimina, platonic Kiribaku etc.

(Beware- Long post)

Jesus Christ, I just had this HC and now I gotta spill, otherwise I won't be able to sleep tonight. Here's another annoying Long Post for y'all)

Deku, as a Pro Hero and Katsuki's Duo Partner, has a pretty hectic life since the media are crazy bloodhounds, the villains are a pain in the ass, interacting with fans becomes exhausting at times, and the critics are demons wailing for his blood.

Yeah, very hectic. And on top of that, there's very little time to relax. Most of the days he sneaks some solace in the gym, if he can buy more time he likes to read and immerse himself in his notebooks and research. Fighting Katsuki to blow some steam is a last resort to shed off weeks of frustration and only reserved for off-days or desperate times - because something like that inevitably devolves into gratuitous rough sex or worse, day-long fuck-a-thon. Not that Deku doesn't enjoy it, he simply doesn't have the time to indulge and he knows Kacchan doesn't either, so they try to keep their hands off each other unless the occassion begs for much-needed violent release.

But sometimes, you just want instant relief. Sometimes Deku just wants to kick back and relax like a normal person, go on the internet, without everyone hounding him for a piece of his mind.

So he does.

Under Anonymity.

Et viola @allmight9000 comes alive on several media platforms including Tumblr and Twitter. At first, Deku masquerades around as a hardcore All Might fan fighting anyone who dares to diss the retired Symbol of Peace . But since his retirement, his popularity has gone cold, not many heated debates take place around him anymore and as sad as this makes Deku, he decides to discover new venues.

Now, Deku knows there's this dark void of fanfiction lurking on the net and there's no escape from it should he ever set foot into it. He is also aware of the dark things that beckon him from the sewers like Pennywise the Dancing Clown (eg. All Might/Endeavour, Hawks/Endeavour, All Might Bowl, All Might/ Hero Harem, All Might/Midnight, All Might/Aizawa/Present Mic and so on), things he should rightfully keep a safe distance from. But this is fucking Deku we are talking about- ofcourse he dares to dip his foot into the murk of fanfiction.

For science, he thinks, and takes the plunge.

It all goes downhill from there.

One day, Katsuki comes back from his shift to find Deku face-planted into the sofa, he hasn't eaten lunch, hasn't bathed and is claiming trauma, repeatedly insisting that he has sinned and he is going to hell for it, then he shakily holds up a 367k word fic of Villain Might/Endeavour. Katsuki has to slap him back to his senses. Later that night, Deku calls up Toshinori and asks him for forgiveness, when Toshinori asks him worriedly, 'For what?', Deku assures him he DOES NOT wanna know.

After obsessively going through various tropes and completing every Enemies to Lovers / Mutual Pining / Unrequited Love fic there is (and there is a lot, Deku hates himself every day for it), waiting torturous weeks for dead authors to rise from the ashes for a teeny tiny update, Deku finally gives up his small lake of unfulfilling All Might ships (because frankly it's hard to find a fic that suits his tastes and convincingly fleshes out a love story around a man who has pointedly avoided romance for the better part of his LIFE or a find a fic which is COMPLETE) and sets out into the sea of Ships.

Bad Idea.

Very VERY Bad Idea.

(We know it, he knows it. Katsuki is the only one who is blessedly oblivious because he chooses not to wade into Deku's mental shit and compromise his own sanity.)

Strangely, Deku has come to take an odd satisfaction of returning to fan mentality of shipping two people without restraints (rarely more than two)-it's simple, senseless, easy. It gives his head a break from all the overanalyzing it does and gives him a small dose of endorphins when he cant work out, eat out or fuck out the frustration. He was adverse to it first, since these are strangers trying to ship two random people (people he is friends with), and it was unsettling to find so many people shipping them when they've BARELY had any interaction in canon real life! What's the premise of shipping them at all? He just didn't find any allure to it back then. So he kept his reads under fluff and under mature ratings because he feels uncomfortable reading smut about his friends.

But Deku had a 'Oh my God they were ROOMMATES' moment when Jirou and Momo announce that they are dating to the U.A. Alumni, that too after reading a really fluffy Creati/Earphone Jack fic which accurately referenced their public sightings together and spun it into plot-points quite masterfully. ( the author did a real good job on it) And the most horrifying thing about the fic, Deku finds, is the fact that NO ONE, not even the AUTHOR knows how correct they were in their estimates! No one except Deku.

That realization shakes the foundations of Deku's beliefs and morality as he wonders how many fics out there , sfw or smut, requited or unrequited love, enemies to lovers or lovers to strangers, fluff or smut have come so so close to the truth, been so damn close - like an alternate course of their love-story? and WHY IS NO ONE GIVING IT MORE KUDOS?

This is how Deku ends up being the most irredeemable Shipper of the universe- with a mission in hand:

To curate proof of all valid ships and to supply aforesaid proof of it to the world (as subtly as he can of course, so as to not compromise his own identity or the privacy of the Shipped.)

He begins to scour through the net for paparazzi photos, indulges in gossip, pries out information of who is dating whom from his Hero contacts, authenticates it, creates folders and subfolders of photographic 'proof' (they are just teasers really) and whenever anyone writes a fic that comes anywhere close to the real thing he makes sure to tag them in his tumblr/twitter post with photos which basically pour gasoline over their fiery passion to continue dreaming and writing fics around those Ships. Like:

You wrote a fic of Fluffy Iron Fist x Real Steel? Here you go- an obscure pic of them leaving her apartment together

Uravity x Ingenium and Uravity x Froppy? A love triangle that could possibly end in heartbreak?!! Damn, sistah, who knows? (She's confused too, imho) So here you go- Uravity getting tipsy with Froppy and Uravity snuggling to Ingenium under the rain.

One-shot of Chargebolt x Cellophane getting frisky in an alley? Honey, I gotchu. Here's a pic of them arriving at a villain scene together with dishevelled clothes.

All Might x Endeavour Slow Burn? My dear friend- here's a picture of the Symbol of peace roasting marshmallows with Shouto on flaming Endeavour merch. Please don't make me block you.

All Might x Midnight? Here's a pic of my mom, me and my Dad AllMight. Midnight, Who binch?

Celsius (Shouto) x Gale Force Stripper AU? Oh, hey, look I'm totally that one lucky guy who was in the right place at the right time, okay? I dont know these guys personally, OKAY? Not. At. All. But I have some Opinions™ about your fic? and pics to support it. Just wanna show you that maybe...i mean...MAAYYYYYYBEEEE...the stripper is Galeforce, not Celsius? Yeah? Don't worry though, You're doing good. Love the slow build, keep up the good work!

Deku becomes a sensational fic-writer-enabler and often gives inspiration to writers who are looking to write for a new fandom. Deku's got their backs.

He sinks so deep into this Shipping business that one day Katsuki catches wind of it. It was becoming painful to keep ignoring Deku's descent into madness. Katsuki was okay with it as long as the nerd did his job well and fucked him even better (which Katsuki will never admit to enjoying, even at gun point. Pull the trigger, you coward). So, yeah, Katsuki could have accepted all of Deku's weird stalkerish behaviours (even if they weren't fixated on him all the time anymore and the 'Kacchan, sugoi!' comments had plummeted drastically....who needs the shitnerd to validate his worth, right?! Right...it didn't make him pissed AT ALL. because admitting that would mean he enjoyed it, WHICH HE DID NOT, MIND YOU)

What Katsuki couldn't accept was Deku accidentally using his official Hero twitter handle to post a very platonic (but in the eyes of rabid fans- borderline homoerotic) pictures of him and Eijirou and posted it as #Ground_Riot. The fucking flood of Zeku-haters and pro-GroundRioters had the comments section on FIRE. The post goes VIRAL.

Deku, fucking DEKU, the man who is secretly ENGAGED to him, is promoting GroundRiot like NO ONE's business and HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DID WRONG.

Katsuki finds Deku happily puttering around their shared apartment completely oblivious to the PR hell that has been licking at his heels. He immediately attacks Deku's account and is completely gobsmacked. Lo and fucking behold- every fifth picture in his blog is fucking GROUND RIOT.

Not just that, apparently, THIS MAN, his fucking FIANCE, is not only a renowned peacemaker in inane Ship wars, but is hailed as a Soothsayer of Ships for always correctly prophecizing "Ships that will Sail into the fucking Sunset', he is basically some minor god in the Hero fandom who is extorting excitement out of fic writers and fans alike so that 'the crime of incomplete fics' can be eradicated once and for all. And Deku's fucking commited to it.

(perhaps more commited to Ground Riot than his own betrothal because there isn't A SINGLE POST of ZEKU on his blog)

There's even a post where he answers an ask from anonymous. The question: "Are you also anti-Zeku? I have never seen you post anything related to that ship. Is it because you think it won't Sail?" And Deku answers shortly how he isn't explicitly Anti-Zeku, but doesn't like the idea of reading fanfics of that ship. He clearly witholds his opinion if the ship will sail or not. Katsuki also finds the chat which started all this shit.

Chat-

Hey! @allmight9000. I wanted to write a GroundRiot fic? Could you give me some inspiration?

Aww, sure! It's my favourite Ship tbh. I love GroundRiot. I have a whole gigabyte of inspirations in my laptop. I'll send you some when I get back home, okay?

Yup!!! I am actually a hardcore Zeku fan. But recently my friends got me into Ground Riot and I am addicted!! But Zeku will always have a special place in my heart <3

I see. :)

Do you wanna try it out? I know you mentioned you don't like it. But I know some REALLY good fics.

No thank you ^_^ I make it a point to not read those fics. I just can't visualize it working, you know?

Oh...np. Each to their own. But I really hope one day you try reading some if you can?

I don't think so ...😅...uh...but..Any preferences for your inspiration though? or genre youre interested in?

Fluffff!!

Haha, okay! Look out for the new post on my twitter!

YASSS!! Love ya!

You too!

Katsuki sees red, he's about to flip his shit when he decides to give Deku one LAST fucking chance to explain WHY THE FUCK is he promoting Ground Riot when he should be shipping Zeku and demands of him if he really wants their Fucking Ship To Sail Or Not.

Deku gets defensive and says of course he does. Katsuki asks why he has been trying to push him onto Eijirou all this time if he wasnt serious about it. Deku doesnt want to answer. Then Katsuki gets fruatrated and asks WHY the fuck didnt he post Zeku.

"Because I don't want to support it"

"We are literally fucking engaged, you moron. What the FUCK do you mean you don't support it?!"

"I support Us, Kacchan! I just don't wanna support Zeku-shippers! Those two things are different!"

"WHy dont you wanna support them?! tHere is No Difference!"

"There is! I am not obligated to do anything for you. But if I admit to shipping Zeku out loud to the shippers, then I'm obligated to post pictures of us and I know that if I start posting that then my blog will literally be a flood of just Us all over!!"

"What is WRONG with that?!!"

"WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ENGAGED IN SECRET! NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW! you said it yourself! That you don't like the useless yapping of reporters about your love-life where it isn't their business!"

"YEAH? WELL FUCK THAT!"

And Katsuki whips out his phone, takes a selfie of french kissing the hell out of Deku and immediately posts in on his twitter. Deku has hardly reeled back from that intense kiss when he realizes what Katsuki has done and he practically explodes in shame.

"Kacchan!! Our secret!"

"Your fucking fault, Deku. If I have to deal with the shitty extras at all, it better be for the right Ship, you dumbass. I'll punt you straight to China if I hear Ground Riot from your mouth ever again...capiche?"

"But I like Ground Riot...It's a valid ship, Kacchan. You cant diss on it just like that. It has wonderful scope, and the fluff in this ship is AMAZING. I think I have a soft spot for Uke!GZ and Soft!GZ now... and it is a really mutually productive ship unlike- hrmff!", Katsuki shuts him up with a smack to his mouth and sheds his shirt.

"Shut your mouth and strip, shitnerd. I'll fuck the Ground Riot out of you. Also, let's make this fucking clear that if you mention ANYTHING that goes anywhere near Eijirou's dick,ass, balls or mouth", Katsuki shivers, "then I'll wreck your dick, ass, balls and mouth. Remember that. Now STRIP"

"But what about platonically? That's a solid ship, right? Right, Kacchan? Also It doesn't mention Eijirou's- fuck!!!"

Deku gets wrecked thoroughly.

(Let's observe one moment of silence for his Shipping ass 🙏)

(r.i.p. Deku)

Katsuki later asks him why Deku doesn't read Zeku fics either, cause pretending to not like it to weasel out of obligation is fine, but it doesn't explain why he refuses fo read any either.

"A fic, especially the ones that I like, always are these perfect little stories which always have a happy ending. Can't help it, I'm weak to it, Kacchan- it's why I read fics at all, you know? For the rush of happiness and feels! It's always written with the intention that it will be perfect! And it is. But it doesn't come close to the real thing. There can be fics out there that come really close to what we really have though - but I refuse to accept that any fic could be better than the imperfectly perfect things I have with you, Kacchan. No matter what anyone insists, what I have with you is perfect to me. You are perfect to me. And that's all that matters."

Katsuki calls him an incorrigible sap and turns away to hide a violent flush that turns him red like a stop sign.

Omake:

Katsuki's #Zeku goes Viral too. But at this point no one understands what is going on or WHY. Because GZ appears to be a Zeku shipper when Deku is a GroundRiot shipper. Confusion abounds. Zac Efron memes agonize over Both ships, Captain America Japan Civil War Memes make a comeback. And for some reason, Deku keeps posting Ground Riot afterwards too and everytime he does, the next day he is seen limping.

"Did you have a hardtime with Zero-san at training yesterday?"

Before Deku can answer the one who asks him that, Eijirou comes up, winks and answers in his stead, "Very hard", and runs away to Mina's side before Deku has a shame-filled meltdown.

(The Ground Riot thing stops only when Mina and Eijirou get finally married.)

#bakudeku #katsudeku #katsuki x izuku #ktdk #bkdk #deku the shipper #humour #social media shenanigans #headcanon #fic idea #fanfic idea #too many headcanons #holy crap this was such a shit hc #deku ships kiribaku

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