#hilson meta

[my-lover]

something i think is really interesting is that house uses his cane wrong. not even just wrong, but the wrong kind of cane, too. i'm a cane user for chronic pain too, and when the cane is a permanent fixture, you are supposed to use a specific kind that supports your elbow and shoulder over time. you're also supposed to use it in the opposite hand to the worst off leg. house does neither of these things. and yet . he is a doctor. not even that, but a specialist literally tells him this in an early season

there is no way he doesn't know these things. it's almost like a kind of . salt in the wound, a self flagellation. some kind of punishment for his disability, like he doesn't deserve the comfort of proper equipment used in the right way, because he did this to himself, or because he's a bad person, or he's depressed, or any of the other 1000 sad things about his character

i also think it gets even more interesting when none of the other main characters say this, especially wilson, who is always concerned about his pain levels. surely that's a real easy fix, right ? but it doesn't even come up in conversation, in passing, whatever. i like to think it's another deeply twisted understanding that they share. "i know you hurt yourself on purpose. i'm sorry. i don't like myself either. i love you anyway" gah

[realbeefman]

house is all id, impulse and reckless behavior and selfishness, and wilson is all superego, overthinking and moral judgement and selflessness, and together they act as the other's ego. house wants to biopsy a patient to stop his own pain, wilson tells him he's going to cross a line if he does. wilson wants to tell the world how he's justified the taboo of euthanasia, house steps in to tell him he'll ruin his life if he does. ultimately, this is why they fall apart when separated from each other, why wilson is miserable when he tries to cope with amber's death without house.

wilson will always try to be more selfish, to care less, wish that he was more like house, and house will always wish the inverse, that he is capable of caring as deeply as wilson does, that his own empathy ran as deep as wilson's. but in the end, they are both incapable of embodying those traits they admire in the other on their own. they can only truly function together.

this is the point in the show, for me, where it becomes clear that house and wilson have been set up as star-crossed lovers. it's only here, in 8 x 21, that they both accept fully who they are to each other. they have both accepted that they will only be able to be happy together, that only through acknowledging how they complete each other will either of them be able to be fulfilled in life. the tragedy is that they have only been able to find life at death. the price for their happiness together is the looming inevitability of wilson's death

anyways. rest in peace sigmund freud you would’ve loved analyzing house md yaoi

[housepilled]

i don't know if anyone has talked about this before but i've been thinking about the symbolism of cancer in connection to house and wilson and. i am going insane.

wilson has a stage II thymoma and he's given a 5 month sentence. from my (limited — i am not a doctor nor particularly good at science) research, this seems unrealistic; everything i've read about them says that thymomas are rare and slow growing. it seems incredibly unlikely that a stage II thymoma could only be treated by chemotherapy and would only give wilson 5 months to live. so why did the writers decide to do that? it's like the medical version of an anachronism — something (in the real definition of an anachronism, historically) inaccurate used to make a specific point. so what is the point?

well, thymomas are cancer of the thymus gland, which is right in front of and above the heart.

and then that got me thinking about house's (faked) cancer in season 3 (e15 half wit). he pretends to have brain cancer.

so their cancers are literally in the heart and head.

cancer in HOUSE'S HEAD AND WILSON'S HEART.

david shore i am in your walls

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

i'm struggling to even put into words how i feel about these two scenes.

i honestly wonder how much of house's facial expressions in these moments were hugh laurie's choice and maybe weren't necessarily scripted, because the episode doesn't really offer any kind of conclusion on how jealous and, more importantly, how deeply fucking sad house looks after realizing wilson has been talking to amber.

first off - this happens a lot in this show, but this is one of those huge instances of "oh, how differently this situation would look if one of these characters was a woman." if that were the case, this whole thing would really be quite simple. if house was a proper Opposite Sex Love Interest, him standing at the door hearing the proof that his unrequited crush isn't over his last girlfriend...well, that would make perfect sense. The level of hurt and jealousy house seems to feel about wilson still being in love with amber is. well. it's Something.

so anyway - house gets that genuinely hurt look at three separate points: #1 is when he realizes wilson is talking to amber (and this moment is especially fascinating bc house's main emotion should arguably be relief at the knowledge he hasn't been hallucinating...but that appears to be taking a backseat to his jealousy for a woman who isn't even alive anymore)

#2 is when wilson tells amber that he wasn't able to go for a run tonight because house is having issues. now, this speaks to the broader problem that - even though house knows wilson feeds off neediness - house is still worried about being a burden to wilson and that eventually wilson will not want him anymore.

Then #3 - when wilson says to house's face that talking to amber makes him feel better when he misses her, and house doesn't. This moment is so painful and interesting to me because house inviting wilson to confide in him feels like a pretty big step in terms of growth! So for wilson to say he'd rather talk to his dead girlfriend than house...well, judging by house's face, the remark cuts pretty deep. (disclaimer: ofc wilson is completely valid for talking to amber; it just also makes sense that house would be hurt by this, especially in the context of him already feeling like a burden and trying so hard to be a better person)

anyway idk where else to go with this . . . i just feel like the episode sort of started to delve into this issue and then never really went deep enough or concluded this aspect - hence my theory that house's level of hurt may not have been scripted and it was just hugh laurie choosing to Do That with his face.

[buckysoldatbarnes]

Not only does House being autistic and queer make sense, it thematically and emotionally fulfills the heart of the show. Firstly, almost every aspect of House's character makes more sense through the lens of him being on the spectrum, and the fact that they literally pointed this out in the autism episode but refused to commit to confirming it is emblematic to a misunderstanding and disrespect to what autism is (the show thinking oh house has autistic traits but he has to be his own unique thing, or that an autistic character couldn't be as complex as him). But we knew that.

The thesis of House MD is, what happens when someone refuses to follow societal rules? When someone is brutally honest, goes against authority, has no filter, and does everything their own way? House tests this in every episode- when the stakes are high, will he still push the boundaries? Will he self destruct? Will he get away with it? and also in every episode, the PATIENT is also outside social norms in some way. They have an unusual lifestyle, career, personality, or sexuality, and usually their "difference" is making them sick, or they have an underlying medical condition that is causing it. It usually destroys their personal lives, but ultimately the "thing" they commit to is what makes them happy.

This is the medical, or "main plot" core of the show. The emotional "B Plot" answers the question- When someone (House) refuses to follow societal rules and can never be "normal" (his addiction and disability), can he still have a lasting relationship? Can he still be happy? Every single season tries to answer this question. For a while Cuddy is the answer, until the show disproves this. But from the first episode to the last, Wilson is there, always emotionally pushing house to be vulnerable, to improve his life. Every season tests their relationship, but wilson always comes back. Just like House, he's not normal.

Being queer and autistic explains much House's  difficulties with conventional norms and conventional (heteronormative) relationships. When we do see House have sex, it's a weighty moment of emotional vulnerability, because most of the time sex is a mechanical act for him. He rarely has a girlfriend, never dates. We barely ever even see him have sex, but he makes a big deal out of hiring hookers for companionship (and comphet) because he cant form a meaningful lasting relationship with anyone but wilson.  The thesis question of the show is "Can House be happy?". Wilson is the answer.

[atomicradiogirl]

house md dog motif where house is a dog but not in the cute way. he’s a dog in the fact that he begs for love like he begs for food and bites the hands that feed him in hopes that they’ll stop giving in to him. he only lets his guard down around one person. the person that has him on a leash. he snarls and whines and bites but deep down he’s afraid of losing the small bit of comfort he has. wilson’s dog hector was named after house since it would nip at people’s ankles and it wasn’t house trained. ironic. house acts like he’s god but really he’s just a dog. an abused dog, whose been abandoned and dropped by people he loved (stacy) once his problems, his pain, was too much. house is a desperate dog feeding for scraps of love under the table, only enough that he could stomach until one day the only thing he’ll have left is himself because that was his destiny from the start.

[imagopersonal]

How can people watch a show in which the very first shot is two characters standing side by side, with the episode’s core being Character 1 asking himself if Character 2 really loves him and realizing that even if Character 2 doesn’t express his love with words, he does it with actions,

and the very last shot, 8 seasons later, being said two characters running away together, with Character 2 pretending to be dead and renouncing to everything he has to stay with Character 1,

and think: “nah… their relationship is not what this show is about… you’re reading too much into it”.

It’s literally their story.

Everything else is background.

[housethemd]

So in the episode where House is on methadone

Everyone is trying to figure out what’s going on with House, why he’s being nice, etc etc and eventually Wilson is just like “he’s on heroin.”

The surety with which Wilson says this really struck me. Like Wilson doesn’t just suggest House must on drugs that aren’t Vicodin, doesn’t even merely suggest House could be on heroin. No he says with absolute certainty that House is on heroin.

The only way Wilson could be so sure, would be if he’s seen House on heroin before.

Now while I’m quite convinced that House was an occasional recreational drug user prior to the infarction, heroin usually isn’t a drug you might take just for fun at a party every now and again. This leads me to believe that sometime in the early days post infarction is the most likely time House used heroin.

I’m imagining Wilson showing up after work to check on House. Stacy left weeks ago and House is still dealing with that on top of healing and being newly disabled so he’s been in a pretty god awful mood that only Wilson seems to be able to tolerate.

But when Wilson gets there House is in a better mood. Not just a better mood, he’s happy. Wilson knows immediately something is going on.

“What did you do? What did you take?” He’d ask. He knows people’s moods don’t change overnight like that, so either House took something or he’s planning to kill himself. Both are equally possible given his recent trauma and mental state, and Wilson needs to figure out which.

“What? Nothing. Well Vicodin but you know I’ve got a prescription for that.” House would reply, waggling his finger in Wilson’s direction like this is all some kind of joke.

Wilson frantically searches through everything within arms reach of House. Thankfully even with his better mood House can’t move very quickly, and Wilson manages to unearth a bag, and dashes out of House’s reach to open it. It’s filled with powder and syringes and Wilson has done enough ER shifts to know what it is.

“No, House. No. How did you even get this?” He’d ask, shocked.

“It’s easy when you know the right places to go.” House would say, not looking at Wilson anymore.

“The right places to… House you can barely get from the couch to the bathroom how the hell did you get this?”

“I guess I was sufficiently motivated.”

And Wilson’s heart breaks. He doesn’t have it in him to be mad at his friend. His life is upside down and House has never been good with change. Wilson does throw away the needles and flush the drugs and it pisses House off (“Do you know how much I paid for that?”) but once House calms down he makes House swear never again, that he won’t go down that road. Wilson says he’ll do anything, even write him more Vicodin prescriptions if he just promises not to use heroin again.

And House promises.

So when House is suddenly in an unexplainably good mood years later, Wilson thinks he knows exactly what’s going on. He’s angry, House promised. Wilson held up his end of the deal for the most part, so he comes up with a plan to catch House and make him admit to it.

But we all know how that plays out.

[thirstforsalt]

Sorry I just I love you people for shipping Hilson so hard bc I have been in that boat since 2006 but I’m so sorry I really don’t think RSL shipped it (Hugh Laurie did tho)

And what makes it so bittersweet is like

If you accept those acting choices

It’s one-sided pining for the whole show

House realizes he’s bi in the episode with the Orthodox Jewish woman, when he confronts Thirteen about bisexuality

And from then until the end, Laurie is playing House as in love with his best friend

Like he KNOWS he’s in love with Wilson but Wilson is straight

RSL plays it heterosexual the whole time

Arguably homoromantic but we didn’t have the vocabulary

I genuinely think House would have fucked Wilson but not vice versa

And I think Hugh Laurie played House with that understanding

Idk how much of this was written and directed but it *was* acted

No one can convince me otherwise

AND IT IS SO SAD

And such a rich text!!!!!!!1

[hugeegosorry]

That s7 episode where House is fangirling over that children author. you know which one i mean. „unwritten”. This one

Objectively hilarious premise, especially when we find out:

There are two love interests for a girl character and while Sam Carr,

(who is also a fangirl. Wilson has to put up with Two dearest to him people infodumping about their favorite kids book. autism real)

supports one of them, House says something along the lines of „Why can’t she have both?”, implying a polyamorous relationship between a girl and two guys.

Anyway, in this essay I will prove how the House/Wilson/Cuddy agenda is basically canon-

[thankstothe]

Yeah, not in 2007

[my-lover]

i think the whole "god doesn't limp" / "i was afraid your wings would melt" dichotomy is absolutely insane, because house is so adamant that he IS stuck being human. he knows that he is not immortal or better than anybody, no matter what his actions would lead the majority to believe. he's convinced that he is no better than anybody, because he has such a deep physical flaw. and i think as someone who's also chronically ill (+ a cane user), it really does set you apart from everybody else in your own head - and to everybody else. there is no possible way that he can be the best he can be, this idea of godhood that he has for himself, because he is marred by this perceived flaw

and then you have wilson who sees house as this shining icarus with wings made of gold, soaring above the sea. and he knows that perhaps house's infatuation with his own talent and ingenuity may lead him to his doom (read: his wings melting). but i think house does not see himself as icarus at all: there is no possible way for his wings to melt, because he does not believe he has them. he is in no way "above" everybody else through these supposed wings, he is no god. if anything, he is automatically below everyone else, because he limps, he's flawed, he's in some way an imperfect creation

but wilson ? wilson thinks so highly of house, wilson loves house so much that he cannot comprehend the idea of house as somehow "lesser", because of his leg. and i think, as a disabled person, it's absolutely remarkable to have someone see you that way. and the way this is constantly portrayed across their relationship makes me absolutely frothing-at-the-mouth insane

[theindependenttrentcrimm]

I see your ‘house and Wilson are inevitably just very fucked up, the only reason they work so well is that they are both unhinged and it wouldn’t be right to subject anyone else to them’ and raise you ‘they are intimately capable of soft love and I think would be able to give it to each other- quick kisses, smiles etc. however they also need a level of prank and mental enrichment that they can only ever get from each other’

[housepilled]

yes i am thinking about the c word again. this episode is my roman empire. but right now i’m specifically thinking about how house literally goes against his nature for wilson. cuddy says “everything you’ve ever done is to avoid pain — drugs, sarcasm, keeping everybody at arm’s length so no one can hurt you” yet he gives wilson the rest of his vicodin, willingly detoxes, so wilson can be in less pain before he throws them up again. house is rational; in his book in any other situation, this would be a stupid decision. it wouldn’t cause much relief to wilson and would deprive house of a lot of it. it’s completely irrational. i’d wager that house would mock it in anyone else. but yet he does it anyway for wilson.

in my humble opinion (with no nuance) house is a good person, but, nonetheless, he will defy that and hurt people if it will cause him less pain. nobody likes pain, of course, but house has experienced so much of it from such a young age, an issue only compounded by his infarction, that (while he does subconsciously inflict it on himself as punishment because said pain from a young age made him think it is necessary because it made him think there is something broken in him that needs to be violently fixed — i could talk for hours about how much i hate john house) he will go to any lengths to avoid it. it is a pattern we see time and time and time again. house constantly hurts others, himself, as long as it can possibly lessen some potential short- or long-term pain.

but then he gives up his vicodin for wilson. he endures the pain, not just of his leg without painkillers but also of detox, for wilson. cuddy says “you’ll choose yourself over everybody else over and over again, because that's just who you are” and yet house chooses wilson. he gives wilson the last of his vicodin. he’s willing to let wilson die on his couch because it’s what wilson wants. he endures wilson saying he should be the one with cancer. he accepts that wilson will die and lets him go the way he wants. he accepts that he will never be able to go back to practicing medicine, will probably cut his own life short as well, and goes off with wilson for his last five months. he literally transcends his own nature, his base instincts from his childhood, for wilson. and if that isn’t incredibly poetic then i don’t know what is.

[thefandomlesbian]

Inspired by the post by @oddlittlestories about Wilson touching House's sensitive points--specifically, the mention of the strongyloides patient and the afterlife. This is something I've been stewing on for awhile.

I don't think House's issue with the afterlife and the strongyloides patient was solely stemming from his own personal obsession or ongoing issues with suicidality related to his disability.

4x03, 97 Seconds, is only four episodes after 3x22 Resignation, in which House discovers Wilson has been taking antidepressants and it's implied Wilson has been struggling with his depression and simultaneously refuses to tell House anything about it, no matter how House pries. House makes his own inferences, that this is either a new thing or a change in prescription because of worsening depression, but Wilson deflects when he tries to ask. It's one of Wilson's sensitive points. We learn (and House explicitly observes later) that Wilson shuts down particularly painful topics, mostly relating to loss, and this is one that he shuts down hard and fast by accusing House of not caring about him.

House, true to character when it comes to all things Wilson, assumes the worst. We don't know what Wilson is actually going through, that's left to be guessed at by the audience, but we do know that House has been effectively shut out while continuing to be concerned.

And then, only a few episodes later, we get two different patients: a man who experienced cardiac arrest and replicates it in front of House for the thrill, and a physically disabled man who discusses being free of his mortal body. We see House and Wilson have exchanges about both of these patients. First, about the knife in the outlet patient:

House repeatedly tries to draw Wilson back to the topic of suicidality, why? how? what was the plan? and Wilson repeatedly avoids the topic until he gives up and leaves the scene sooner than have the conversation. My read: The implication is that Wilson at some point in the past (whether or not this is recent past or long past, we don't know) dealt intimately with suicidal ideation that makes him uncomfortable, either personally or with a family member (maybe his brother). House takes this as confirmation.

So then, this scene is followed up later in the episode, where Wilson and House together are with the disabled strongyloides patient, who is telling them he does not want cancer treatment. The patient says death will be a relief--in front of Wilson, House looks at him before he addresses the patient. It triggers a knee-jerk reaction, anger.

House recognizes he oversteps and leaves the patient, but the argument continues between him and Wilson in the hallway. It goes much deeper than trying to talk a terminally ill man into living a few months longer, because the argument isn't really about him; he's just a narrative vessel for this conversation between these two characters.

The most popular read for this exchange is that House is arguing for himself, that he thinks misery isn't a good enough reason to take his life and he is telling himself that death isn't a worthy escape (which is definitely a valid read of the scene). But given the recent context of Wilson's depression, his utter refusal to share anything with House and therefore the audience, his complete discomfort with the suggestion of suicidal ideation and all the big questions like why and how and what for... I don't think House's actions after this scene are for House.

We have this argument where Wilson is arguing in defense of a man who is passively suicidal. "You don't know death isn't better, you can't know, death could be better. There could be a solace after all of this, you don't know." If this conversation is framed in context of Wilson being depressed and having potentially been suicidal, he's not defending the patient--he's defending himself, for having had those thoughts. And House is arguing with him, against those thoughts. Wilson's conclusion is you can't go to the afterlife and see how much it sucks.

Of course House's conclusion is to go to the afterlife and see how much it sucks.

This is the song playing while House contemplates what he needs to do.

Starting over anew without a partner, not knowing how to make sense of things, becoming a new terrified person in lieu of someone who is supposed to be there--that's where his mind is. He goes to look at the electrical outlet patient, just staring in silence. What could be so good that it needs to be revisited? He must be wrong. (Note that at no point does House ever share with Wilson that the electrical outlet patient's claim that death was the best 97 seconds of his life--he asks Wilson why but never follows up with the answer.)

So House pages Amber and tries to try to kill himself, as convoluted as it sounds, so he can know the afterlife isn't good. So he can have proof. So he'll have evidence. He'll know it sucks, even worse than Detroit, they can't have this argument again.

House says it explicitly. "You insisted that I needed to see for myself." He had to know.

House wants to talk about what he experienced. He deliberately seeks out someone who will understand, asks for that person specifically, he wants to share. But with Wilson, he digs in his heels. Entrenched. We see that Wilson is generally the person House shares personal things with, such as the suspected identity of his biological father, he goes directly to Wilson after Dominika leaves in S8, he seeks him out throughout the Stacy arc in S2, pesters him while the fellows are fleeing in S3 even after the Tritter arc, his soft place to land during and after rehab in S6--Wilson is House's number one confidant.

Not on this subject. He refuses to say anything, except, "I love you." He doesn't respond to Wilson's criticism that he's already had near-death experiences before; he doesn't bite at any of the bait. Not talking about it. The person he wants to share with isn't there, so he doesn't share, not even with Wilson. The only thing we get as the audience is his dialogue to the corpse at the end of the episode.

This is also not something he shares with Wilson. Too much of a sensitive spot, too tender.

But all leading to my conclusion that... House didn't put the knife in the electrical socket for himself. As Wilson points out, House has had multiple near-death experiences. He doesn't need to almost die to find out what happens. He's already seen it. He already knows.

The character who has most recently displayed new depressive tendencies in this context isn't House. Wilson is the one refusing to discuss his mental health, ostensibly taking new psych drugs or minimally increasing the dosages, becoming uncomfortable with conversations about the difficult questions of suicide, and verbally defending a man's desire to die to end the mortal coil.

House didn't put the knife in the electrical socket to fight release for himself. He's been in chronic pain for a decade at this point, it hasn't changed, he has treated patients with self-destructive tendencies in the interim with no impact to his own mental health. This event didn't strike at a vulnerable time for House; it struck at a time when House knows Wilson is struggling, specifically when he has already tried to offer help and Wilson accused him of not caring. He had to do something.

House put the knife in the outlet to fight for Wilson. To have evidence, to talk him down. "See? I proved it. There's nothing. Now you know for sure. Now you have to stay with me."

That would be too saccharine. But he says, "I love you," and that's what he means.

[oriley42]

Feeling unhinged this good evening because Stacy and Wilson are opposites. She knows that 1) House is the love of her life and 2) she Cannot Be With Him because it's too painful and unhealthy. And Wilson. Wilson cannot say or consciously recognize that House is THE love of his life!!! However!!! He will never fucking let House go. He can't admit it but he will be with House forever even though it's SO painful and so unhealthy, he simply cannot make the choice to live without him and so goodbye all I'm going to walk into an event horizon