#his fruitiness levels are off the charts

[sayakumo]

finished hotel dusk recently and there weren’t that many kyle hyde/Bradley fics

so I cooked something for myself

link here

[sarahshoots1st]

When Samira was first released, it didn't take long for people to compare her to Miss Fortune. Both are bounty hunters with a Devil-May-Cry aesthetic, gunslingers that scream "I'm going to shoot you and look sexy doing it". Samira in many ways felt like a modernized MF, a run-and-gun crit ADC with insane wombo-combo potential, yet decked out with the tools necessary to survive a decade's worth of power creep.

It took all of 5 seconds for people to ship them together.

On paper, the ship just *works*. Sarah's perpetually flirtatious nature is an invitation to dance that the thrill-seeking Samira simply can't resist. Sarah/Samira works for the same reason as MF/Katarina - one of the game's oldest ships, which I will insist be referred to as "Red-Head-Redemption". Fortune's intense personal charisma - her "Miss Fortune" persona, which she uses to mask her unresolved trauma and grief - pairs perfectly with the Noxian assassins' culturally-cultivated need to prove themselves by murdering as many people as possible. She is the spark to their tinder, igniting them both in a self-destructive blaze that will see them girl-boss their way to world domination or die trying.

I think the ship works in theory, but I have a hard time seeing either of them involved in a traditional relationship. Sarah has too much on her hands, struggling to find a balance between resorting to Gangplank's tyranny and letting Bilgewater tear itself apart, while also constantly having to deal with the threat of the Ruination everytime Viego decides to make his bitchlessness everyone else's problem. Samira meanwhile is an adrenaline-junkie who canonically values her thrill-seeking ways over settling down into a steady relationship - a fact which ended her last romance, as alluded to in one of her voice lines. I think what is more likely is that they develop an intense flirtatious-rivalry - competing to see who can pull off the most impressive trick-shots, trying to one-up each other by bringing in the most dangerous bounties, or maybe even hunting bounties on each other. Nothing says "being pursued by your love interest" like them actually chasing you down. I can't see them actually developing a long-term relationship, but the homoerotic tension would be off the chart.

The drunken-sex would be mind-blowing. And then Samira would go back to Noxus in search of her next bounty, and Sarah would clean up the mess they made in her manor and put the alcohol back on the shelf, and cry because she *still* hurts. Still hasn't healed from the scars Gangplank left on her. Not even this - this *thing* they have - can fill the void her parents left inside her.

Unless, of course, Samira can help her start the healing process by developing healthier coping mechanisms? Samira, who also lost everything as a child and had to start over as an immigrant in Noxus?

Anyway, as someone who has officially spent Too Much Time™️ thinking about the Pirate Queen, I felt obligated to share my thoughts on the matter.

Also, in case you're internally screaming "bUt WhO sAiD tHeY'rE gAy!?" - Riot has made it pretty clear through Legends of Runeterra - their card game which often serves as an info-dump for the world-building and character exploration they can't flesh out in the main game - that Sarah has at least a preference for women; see her interactions with Vi and Prowling Cutthroat, as well as her all-female crew in her level 1 card art - a noteworthy detail, as Bilgewater's pirate population is depicted as being predominantly male. Samira, meanwhile, is one of the most fruity-inclusive characters Riot has ever produced - she specifically refers to her previous lover as "they", leaving the gender up to the fanfic writers, and specifically addresses "guys, gals, and other pals" when she respawns.

[jingabitch]

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell - final

SUMMARY: when you were ten, taehyung adopted you and gave you a home. now that you’re eighteen, the sudden change in your scent perplexes and confounds him.

PAIRING: wolf hybrid!tae x human!reader (all bts members are hybrids)

WARNINGS: talk of ownership (reader is tae’s pet human) | daddy long legs syndrome | angst | suicide attempt | smut (finally!) | heat sex | unhealthy relationships

WORD COUNT: 20.5k (lmfao)

RATING: explicit

A/N: yay this massive fic is finally done!! when i first started this i thought it would be like a 15k oneshot and now it’s a g i a n t. thank you to everyone who read this, left lovely comments and feedback, and cheered me on! not quite sure what i’m going to work on next, but nevertheless I hope to have your support for future projects too. :)

also, shoutout to my wonderful betas @knjkitten and @xoxrinaxox for going over this for me! yall are the greatest 💕

btw the last part of this isn’t betaed because google docs sucks and doesn’t sync reliably most of the time lmao. i’ll work on finding a better solution but in the meantime i hope there aren’t glaring mistakes. 

series index

“The only recorded cases where a hybrid was able to move on from an imprint… is when the object of the imprint passed away.”

When the object of the imprint passed away.

You blinked at Namjoon in shock, unsure how to react. You certainly hadn’t been expecting such an extreme solution, and you hesitated audibly.

“Not that I’m suggesting that, of course,” he hastily reassured you. You nodded slowly, your mind still playing catch up. “We’ll figure out another way to manage it, all right? Don’t do anything crazy.”

“Okay.” You agreed, nodding robotically. It felt like your mind had short-circuited when he said that. You didn’t want to die. After all that had happened to you, you just wanted to live normally, safe and secure in your home.

Still, you couldn’t stop thinking about what Namjoon had said. Spring turned to summer, and then to fall, and it almost seemed as though you could forget about it entirely. Things were going well at home – you and Taehyung had settled into a new routine that was, if not ideal, comfortable enough, and you thought that he was coping fairly well with the imprint.

Now that everything was out in the open, it felt like an oppressive air had been lifted from the apartment. You understood now why Taehyung had done that to you, and while you still weren’t thrilled, at least you knew why. He was relentless in his attempts to show you his remorse, too, doting over you almost obsessively.

Gradually, you eased up around him, too. He was always respectful of your need for space. After the first night where you stayed in his room, you’d returned to your own room to think about how you wanted to proceed. All his cards were on the table now, and it was only fair that you figure yourself out. You still weren’t really comfortable being as close to him physically as you’d been before, and you were definitely leery of any sexual contact, both because of your traumatic experiences on the street as well as because of what Taehyung had done.

He handled your attempts to put more distance between the two of you with grace. You didn’t quite know whether he’d hoped to pick up where you’d left off, but you weren’t ready or willing to do that, and he didn’t push. That wasn’t to say that you weren’t acutely aware of the way his eyes would follow you around sometimes, almost predatorily, making the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Sometimes you could hear him sigh when you went into your own bedroom at night instead of his.

Still, he never made a move, and you understood probably better than anyone else that having an urge and acting on it were two different things. He couldn’t help the way he looked at you, wanted you, but he held it in as best he could to avoid making you uncomfortable. You saw, and you appreciated his effort. Even though he probably didn’t see it, you were trying too, to move past everything that had happened.

For Taehyung, though, this was like purgatory. Having you so close, just out of reach, unable to touch you, was driving him insane. It hadn’t been so bad at first, because his wolf could sense the sour notes of your fear and reacted accordingly, wanting to provide for you and comfort you. It was difficult maintaining his distance even then, of course, since his instincts demanded that he wrap himself around you to keep you warm and protect you from any threats. His wolf had never been the smartest, of course, failing to realize that it was Taehyung who was the threat.

As you started to ease up around him, though, was when the trouble truly began. When you looked at him and smiled, or didn’t flinch away when he accidentally touched you… every sign that you were finally starting to let your guard down around him, no matter how insignificant it seemed, was a win for Taehyung. He celebrated internally every time he noted a milestone, charting your progress silently. The unpleasant scent of your discomfort was slowly replaced by your natural, happy, fruity scent, the one his wolf found so alluring. Which, of course, meant that he was having a hard time keeping his instincts at bay.

If this was what the rest of his life was going to be like, it was going to be torture. He could handle it, though. He was determined to, for your sake – he would grit his teeth and bear anything you threw at him. He would not, under any circumstances, let his imprint ruin his relationship with you more than it already had.

---------------------------

Last year, when you were still happy and carefree, you’d noticed immediately when Taehyung went into pre-heat. It had been clear as day to you when you were attuned to him and paying attention – the increased neediness, the voracious appetite, how moody he had been. You’d broken up so many silly arguments between him and the boys, picked purely because Taehyung was in a bad mood.

This year, however, was different. Even though you’d started getting better with time, and Taehyung’s conscientious, careful treatment of you, it was clear you were still affected by your time on the streets. You sometimes avoided Taehyung’s gaze, ate as quickly as you could because you still remembered what it was like to be hungry, and slipped away from the table as soon as you were done with your meal. It was still difficult for you to sit quietly with Taehyung, since it required a level of comfort with him that you hadn’t managed to get back.

Even when you were with him, you were hunched over on yourself, cautious, trying not to do or say anything to anger him. Even though he’d explained why he’d kicked you out and took pains to assure you that it would never happen again, you couldn’t forget the memory of him grabbing your arm and dragging you out of his apartment, throwing you out like garbage. It made sitting with him a far more difficult and uncomfortable endeavor than it had been in the past.

When Taehyung started going into preheat, the boys were on tour, which meant you were too. It was an East Asian tour – a short one, just six weeks, kind of a warm up before the global tour that was going to start next spring. The tour had been, to say the least, stressful. Before, they’d been great fun. Who wouldn’t love the opportunity to travel around the world, getting to eat different things and be spoiled by the boys and their entire crew? While everyone had to work, your life had basically been one giant vacation.

Now, though, things were different. As awkward as you felt around Taehyung, you’d had to act normally in front of all the cameras that were perennially trained on you. That meant giggling, smiling, cuddling up to all the boys, especially Taehyung, and never letting your guard down. Because of the boys’ social media presence, even the hotel rooms weren’t always safe, and it had been exhausting.

Taehyung was equally stressed out, trying to act nonchalant in front of the cameras when you clung onto him and plopped yourself into his lap for cuddles every day the way you used to. He quickly became an expert at shifting you around to avoid making you uncomfortable when his body reacted instinctively, and on not overreacting to your proximity. No stiffening (ha), no sharp inhales, or wide eyes, or anything else that would tip off the fans, who were basically detectives.

Knowing his heat was coming didn’t make dealing with the symptoms of it as it approached easier. This was already shaping up to be the worst heat he’d ever had, and it hadn’t even started yet. His increased sensitivity to scent made it all the more difficult to pretend like he wasn’t affected by you, and as the tour dragged on (and his preheat symptoms intensified) he could also see you withdrawing, the stress of pretending like everything okay evidently too much for you.

When the tour finally ended and you were back at your apartment, you immediately made a beeline for your bedroom and shut the door after you, desperate for time to yourself after spending weeks on end surrounded by the boys. Humans didn’t get their own hotel rooms, after all. It just wasn’t in the budget.

You’d think that spending so much time basically glued to his side would have made it easy for you to realise that he was going into heat, but that wasn’t the case at all. The more time you spent without a break with him and everyone in the crew having to keep up the act, the more it took out of you, until you were barely able to take in anything from being so stressed out all the time. Being so occupied with controlling your own reactions to being so close to Taehyung meant that all your attention was focused on yourself, instead of on your surroundings, and the fact that he was acting weird barely blipped on your radar.

Taehyung looked sadly at the closed door separating the two of you and sighed. Even though things had slowly started to improve, you were still clearly holding yourself away from him, and as much as he understood why and wanted to respect your need for space, his impending heat was making things difficult, bringing his animal side to the forefront and making it harder for him to resist his impulses.

As embarrassing as it was, he steeled himself to have an awkward conversation with you about it tomorrow morning. It was, somewhat surprisingly, the first time he’d ever had to tell you that he was going into heat. In the earlier years that you’d been his pet, all the boys had worked together to keep you from being too exposed to that aspect of their unique biology, and the only difference you noted during his heat was that Taehyung spent a lot of time shut in his own room while the other boys took turns playing with you.

Later on, you figured out fairly quickly what was up, and cottoned on to the symptoms that his heat was approaching easily. By the time you were fifteen, you had established a comfortable pattern and he’d never had to explain to you in words that his heat was coming – you just always knew, based on how differently he acted and the time of year.

It was almost tempting to go back to the way they’d dealt with his heats when you were a child – pawning you off onto his brothers and struggling through it alone without having to have an overly intimate conversation was probably the last painful option. In light of last year’s disastrous heat, though, he figured it was only fair that he let you know what was going on.

He scrubbed his hands down his face with a groan. Why had things gotten so complicated? All he’d wanted had been some companionship, and now there was this huge problem staring the both of you in the face that no one had asked for. Not for the first time since finding out about the imprint, he wished that he hadn’t been born a hybrid.

-----------------------------------

You woke up in the morning in your own bed, relieved to be back in your own space after having to share a hotel room with Taehyung for six weeks straight. You hadn’t shared his bedroom since that night, months ago, when he told you everything, and he never pushed, a fact for which you were grateful.

Still, morning meant you had to get up and prepare breakfast, since Taehyung was all but useless until noon. Feeling rejuvenated from the best night of sleep you’d had in weeks, you pushed the covers away and headed for the bathroom. You’d established a new morning routine with Taehyung now that you weren’t sleeping in the same room anymore, that gave you a little more space in the mornings. You’d use the bathroom and prepare breakfast while he got ready, then he’d eat while you got ready.

Today, however, was different. You’d placed his breakfast on the counter and were going back to your room to get your clothes when Taehyung cleared his throat.

You stopped short right as you were about to round the counter and leave the kitchen, your eyes darting towards Taehyung. Had he made that noise on purpose or was he doing that stupid sleepy grunting thing he did when he didn’t feel like getting up?

He stared back at you, and you couldn’t read the expression in his eyes. Damn. So he’d made the noise on purpose then to get your attention, then.

“Y/n, I have to tell you something.”

That sounded serious. You moved back to where you were so that you were standing directly across the counter from him. “What is it?” you asked curiously.

Cue some more awkward throat-clearing and avoiding eye contact.

“Uhhh… you know it’s autumn now, right?” Taehyung started.

You raised your brow. “Uh, yes…?” Did he just want to talk to you about the weather? That seemed very unlike him, especially this early in the morning.

“So… winter is coming soon?”

“Yes… that is what autumn usually means.” You didn’t mean to get snippy with him, but his wishy-washy attitude was starting to grate on your nerves.

“Right, so, um… I’m going into heat…?” Taehyung mumbled his words directly into his plate, his shoulders hunched over as he cringed, not quite daring to look up and see your expression.

Your mind was racing, panic threatening to overwhelm you when you remembered what had happened during his last heat. You’d almost lost control then and let him have his way with you, and it was what had started this whole thing anyway. As you were freaking out, your heart rate picked up rapidly, and Taehyung could hear it even if he wasn’t looking at you.

“Hey, whoa, what’s happening?” Taehyung asked, holding his hands out placatingly. You took a deep breath and refocused on him.

“Are you okay?” his brow furrowed as he watched an array of emotions cross your face in quick succession.

“Yeah,” you said, though your voice was a little choked. “I’m fine. What do you want to do about your heat?” you asked, trying to calm your racing heart. Wild panic was definitely not the best way to go here.

Still eyeing you suspiciously, Taehyung told you, “Well, I’m sure Suga-hyung wouldn’t mind it if you stayed with him for a week or so…”

The suggestion was so unexpected that it completely wiped out your distress, replacing it with shock instead. You gaped at him, unable to find the words to ask him the question you wanted to ask.

Thankfully, despite everything that had happened between you Taehyung was still fairly good at reading you, and he hurried to reassure you. “Oh, don’t worry about all of that,” he said, referring to the imprint and the fact that during his last heat he’d basically gone feral for you. “I’m sure it won’t be too bad.”

You could see on his face though that even he didn’t believe his own words. Even though you appreciated his attempt to smile and muscle through it for you, you couldn’t help but remember how miserable and out of it he’d been during his last heat when you refused him, and your heart squeezed at the thought of him going through it again.

Seeing your clear doubt, Taehyung smiled at you, though it was a little strained and didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I- I’m not,” you immediately denied, your voice shaky and unconvincing.

“Okay,” Taehyung accepted easily, not believing you for a second. “Go get ready.”

You hesitated then. “Actually… I think I might stay home today.”

“Oh… okay,” Taehyung said, this time slightly dejectedly.

“I just started a new book,” you offered, a lame excuse to try and spare his feelings. He nodded, acknowledging your effort, but it was clear the conversation was over.

“Well… have a good day at work then,” you said, before escaping back into your room.

---------------------------------------

As much as you wished you could say you’d taken on the role of martyr quickly and decisively, the truth couldn’t be any more different. It took days of agonizing over the decision, days in which you stayed mostly alone in your room, pacing up and down despite Taehyung’s repeated pleas from right outside your door to come out and tell him what was bothering you.

You ignored him, knowing there was no way you could tell him. You didn’t know if Namjoon had told Taehyung about the rather radical solution that he’d found to the imprint, but you didn’t want to hear anything Taehyung said about it. The best case scenario would be that he told you insincerely that he didn’t want you to do anything rash, that he could live with it, even though you could see in his eyes and every fiber of his being that he just wanted to be free of the imprint. The worst-case scenario… you shuddered to think about it.

No, this was a decision you had to make alone.

On the one hand, you really didn’t want to die. After everything you’d already been through, why did you have to make the ultimate sacrifice for Taehyung? The injustice made you want to scream in anger at the sky, roll around and pound your fists against the ground. You’d never asked for any of this. All you’d ever wanted was to be a good pet, to love and be loved by your owner.

Then again – Taehyung hadn’t asked for any of it either. He’d gone into all of this with the same hopes as you, just wanting companionship and a cute pet. Instead he’d gotten arguably the short end of the stick, far more affected by the imprint than you were. After all he’d given you over the past nine years, was this the best way you could pay him back? By setting him free?

Even if you stayed alive, what kind of life would this be? Stuck in this uncomfortable situation without any way out, living indefinitely with Taehyung? It was torture for the both of you. Even though he tried to hide it, to show you a brave, unaffected face, and never made you feel bad about anything, you knew he was suffering. You could feel the way his eyes sometimes followed you around hungrily, even if he himself was unaware of the way he was looking at you. During the tour, whenever you’d glomp him in front of the cameras to play the role of an adoring pet human, you could feel him stiffen ever so slightly and hold his breath to avoid inhaling your scent. Was this really the way you wanted to spend the rest of your life, pretending to be a devoted and adorable pet when neither of you enjoyed it?

You’d never felt so trapped before. There were no other options for you – you were too old to be adopted again since everyone wanted babies, and in any case, you were sure Taehyung wouldn’t let you go. Having you somewhere in the world but away from him would be torturous for him given the nature of the imprint, and even in your darkest moments, when you resented him and wanted him to suffer the way you had and were continuing to, you wouldn’t wish that on him.

Why were your only options staying put or death? The unfairness of it all, the feeling that you’d been wronged by the universe, twisted your insides. You wanted to cry, but you’d cried so much over the past few days that your eyes hurt and you didn’t think you had any more tears in you.

The worst part was that you knew this was difficult for Taehyung too. He’d barely left the apartment in the days since his announcement, when he came back from the studio on the first day and found you in your room. Despite your best attempts to cry quietly, his keen hybrid ears picked up the sounds of your muffled sobs and sniffles and he’d been camped outside your bedroom door ever since, begging you to let him in, to tell him what was going on and let him help you.

His heartfelt pleas tore at your heart, and you found yourself sitting on the ground with your back against the door to be close to him even though you needed to be alone, in the same position you’d found yourself in almost a year ago – Taehyung begging to be let in, and you in tears as you refused, for his own good. The irony was not lost on you.

Ultimately, though, you knew the choice had always been clear. Between setting the both of you free and staying trapped in this purgatory, you’d always choose the former.

It didn’t make going through with it any easier, though. Even though you knew rationally that this was the best option, your instincts urged you to cling to life. You could always go back to the streets, hitch a ride out of Seoul and try to eke out an existence by yourself in the countryside. You knew how to grow fruits and vegetables from living with Taehyung’s parents, and you wouldn’t starve. As you lay in bed on what you’d decided would be the last night of your life, you allowed yourself the comfort of dreaming about what such a life might be like. One where you didn’t need to worry about where your next meal was going to come from, or pleasing someone else, where you could live independently, just you and your little garden.

You fell into a restless sleep that night, the tears you’d thought you didn’t have any more streaking your face.

-----------------------------------

When you opened your bedroom door the next morning, Taehyung, who’d been leaning against the door while he slept, fell backwards into your room. He jolted awake before he hit the floor and managed to catch himself, leaving you impressed, as always, with his superior hybrid reflexes.

“Good morning,” you murmured as he blinked up at you sluggishly.

“Y/n…” he said softly, his mind still foggy from sleep. “Good morning,” he replied reflexively.

“Did you stay out here all night?” you asked, squatting to bring your face closer to his.

He cleared his throat and nodded, and your heart squeezed from how cute he was when he’d just woken up. You wished you’d gotten to see more of it, and maybe in a different world, you’d have gotten a shot at a happy ending. Thinking about it too much kind of made you want to cry, so you started to stand up to go brush your teeth.

Quick as a dart, his hand snaked out to capture yours, and you looked down at him in surprise. He rarely initiated physical contact anymore, after learning about your trauma, but since he was still half-asleep, old habits came back to the surface. “What is it, Taehyung-oppa?” you asked, kneeling back down.

“I have to go to the studio today,” he rasped in his deep, early morning voice. You suppressed a shiver – as difficult as you found it to be around him sometimes, your body had never forgotten the initial attraction you’d had towards him a year ago, and when he was sleepy and pliant like this he almost seemed like a different person from the cruel man who’d forced you onto the streets.

“Okay,” you accepted easily. In truth, you didn’t understand why he was telling you this – you knew he had to go in. They were already preparing for the world tour next spring, and you were surprised that he’d spent the last two days camped outside your bedroom door when he should really be at work with the rest of the boys. “I’ll go get your breakfast ready,” you said, looking pointedly down at your hand still enveloped in his. He needed to let go if you were going to help him get ready.

“Wait,” he said, blinking the last of the sleep out of his eyes. Yesterday Namjoon had called him to ream him out for not turning up for practice for two days in a row, and even though he’d been understanding about the whole situation with you, knowing that Taehyung was always worried about you now, he’d still told Taehyung in no uncertain terms that he couldn’t just shirk his responsibilities to his bandmates and fans like he’d been doing for the past few days. Taehyung had wanted to stay home with you because you were so clearly upset about something, but he’d been neglecting his duties at work long enough.

“I- I know you’re upset about something,” Taehyung began haltingly. He didn’t know exactly what it was, since you’d refused to tell him, but since it had started right after he told you about his heat, he could pretty much guess that it was related to that. Approaching it, however, was difficult since he didn’t know how to go about it tactfully, especially in the mornings, since it took so damn long for him to get his act together. He really should have written this down last night.

“Y/n…” He stopped, swallowed, then started again. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

That caught your attention, and you froze, staring at him with wide eyes.

“I know you hate this imprint,” he choked out, and the words felt like sand leaving his mouth because of how difficult it was to express thoughts that went so directly against his instincts. “I don’t like it either, and I promise you that I’ll never force you to do anything you don’t want to do, okay? You��re safe here.” Even though he meant well and was trying to reassure you, his admission that he didn’t want the imprint either made you all the more certain of your decision.

“I understand,” you said, reaching out to pet his ears soothingly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” he accepted. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Promise. Even if it’s about the imprint.” His gaze searched yours imploringly, like he didn’t quite know how to reassure you of his sincerity.

“I know,” you agreed. You really didn’t agree with that, but you’d say anything to get that hangdog expression off his face.

He stared at you for a couple more seconds, then let you go with a nod. “All right, then,” he said, looking slightly embarrassed as you fled to the bathroom.

You blinked back tears as you made his breakfast for the last time, feeling Taehyung’s gaze boring into the back of your head from where he sat at the counter waiting for you to finish. He was still worried about you, you knew, though he wouldn’t pry anymore since you’d shut him down. You both loved and hated him for that.

When you set his plate down in front of him, you tried not to look at him because you were barely keeping it together as it was. Then you realized that this was probably the last time you would have the opportunity to and swung your gaze from the countertop to his face, taking it all in greedily.

Taehyung was still looking at you, and when you looked back, your eyes met, which you were completely unprepared for. Your jaw dropped slightly in surprise as he stared intently at you, and in that moment, you felt stripped bare for him, like he was looking effortlessly into your soul. It was too much for you, and you averted your gaze out of embarrassment, hating how vulnerable he could make you feel. Before, you hadn’t minded it, had thought it was a sign of your affection and trust for each other, but after your security in this home had been stripped away, it just scared you.

“Do you want to come with me to the studio today?” Taehyung asked. He was still watching you with that unsettling, piercing gaze, and you shook your head without looking back at him.

“Are you sure, Y/n-ie?” Something was off, Taehyung could feel it, and his instincts were ordering him to keep you by his side. Imprinting wasn’t magic, but it meant he was always hyper-attuned to you. With his hybrid senses, he could hear the erratic beating of your heart, smell the salt of the tears you tried so hard to keep at bay, see the distress written clearly across your face. There was clearly something bothering you, and it killed him to know that he was the cause of it and that he’d ruined the trust between the two of you so much that you were too afraid to talk to him about it. He’d always been there for you, and the fact that you weren’t letting him in now cut him up inside.

“Yeah,” you said, forcing a smile as you looked back at him.

His brow furrowed in concern. “Okay, I’ll call Namjoon and tell him that I can’t come in today either then.” He reached for his phone, sitting next to his plate on the counter.

“What? No,” you protested, snatching the phone before he could grab it. “You need to go to work; I know Namjoon-oppa will be mad if you skip again.”

Taehyung’s frown deepened. “I don’t want to leave you alone when you’re like this,” he objected.

“Tae-oppa, I’m fine. Please just go to work,” you begged, using the old nickname you had for him for good measure. You hadn’t called him that since before he kicked you out, and you could see him softening in front of you.

“Are you sure?” he asked, leaning forward slightly to get a better look at you – not that he needed it, with his enhanced wolf vision.

“Yeah.” You nodded, smiling tremulously at him.

“Okay. I’ll see you when I get home then.” Taehyung got up and got ready to leave, and you followed him to the front door. As he was putting his coat on, you sidled up to him and wrapped your arms around him in a hug, the first one you’d voluntarily given him since he’d found you at Hangang Park.

“What’s all this?” he asked, bemused, even as his arms wrapped around you. His wolf just couldn’t resist, and you were so cute, nuzzling into the hollow between his collarbones like you were scenting him. Humming with pleasure, he dropped his head to the top of yours, sniffing your hair.

“Nothing,” you said, your voice slightly muffled. You pulled back a little so you could look up at him, and for a second, your faces were so close that he could have just dipped his head slightly to kiss you. The temptation was overwhelming, especially since you’d initiated the hug, but Taehyung held it together – just barely. You squeezed him a little tighter and it took everything in him to stay still, praying that you wouldn’t notice the erection starting to form in his pants.

Obviously, you did notice it, since it was pressed into your belly, but you graciously ignored it, knowing that he couldn’t help it. Knowledge of your impending mortality made such things seem less significant, anyway.

When you finally released him and took a step back, he blinked for a moment, slightly bereft. Without your warmth pressed against him he felt a little cold, even though he knew it was ridiculous. Still, he had to leave, so he brushed your hair behind your shoulder fondly and asked, “Are you sure you’ll be okay at home?” one last time.

“Yes,” you stressed, pushing him gently out the door. “I’ll be fine, I promise, Tae-oppa.” He still looked a little dubious, but you’d distracted him by calling him that again, and he left with a small smile on his face.

With the door firmly shut behind Taehyung, you leaned against it and sank onto the ground. Just getting him out of the house had been exhausting, and you didn’t know if you actually had the strength to end your own life. Your breath shuddered out of your lungs and you tipped your head back against the door.

Even though you were now alone, you were afraid to give in to your emotions because you didn’t know if you would have the courage to go through with it if you let the fear take over. Instead, you mechanically got on with your morning routine, washing the dishes and tidying up. You avoided the bathroom because you knew what was there.

Since Taehyung had been having trouble sleeping without you in his bed, he’d gotten a prescription for sleeping pills which he kept in the bathroom cabinet. He didn’t use them all the time, you knew, just the nights that were particularly bad. If you thought hard enough, it would be easy to connect the times when he couldn’t sleep to your ovulation cycle, but you were determined to ignore that.

It wasn’t until hours later that you opened the bathroom cabinet and found the pills. You reached into the cabinet, your hands trembling, and closed your fingers around the small bottle. Your legs wouldn’t work properly when you went back to your room and shut the door, and it felt like every muscle in your body was already stiff.

Looking down at the bottle in your palm, you bit your lip to prevent tears from leaking out again. You rolled the container back and forth a little, looking at the sticker with Taehyung’s name on it. The recommended dose was half a pill to one.

Breathing out heavily, you steeled yourself to open the bottle, but you couldn’t do it. With a sigh, you placed it down on your bedside table, staring at it. The little orange bottle with a white cap sat innocently where you’d left it, like it was mocking you.

-----------------------------

Something had been off all day, Taehyung could feel it. Obviously, there was no supernatural aspect to the imprint, but he’d been living with you for almost ten years now, and you weren’t as good at hiding your emotions as you thought you were. Worrying about you consumed almost all of his focus, and he was a complete mess during dance practice – even Namjoon was doing better than he was.

After the third time Hoseok had stopped practice to yell at him, Namjoon intervened, taking Taehyung aside to talk to him in the hallway.

“Tae, what’s been going on with you recently? You skip out on practice for two days, and now it’s like you’re not even here when you are.”

Taehyung shrugged, averting eye contact. He was ashamed of how he was acting, because he knew it was stressing his brothers out too when they were already freaking out over the comeback tour, but he just couldn’t get you out of his mind. “I’m sorry, hyung. Y/n’s been acting a little strange recently, and I’m just worried about leaving her alone,” he explained.

Namjoon’s expression softened. “Do you need to talk about it?” he offered.

“I don’t know. She’s been acting a little strange since the tour ended, and after I told her that my heat is coming up…” he blushed. Hybrids weren’t shy when talking about their heats – it was a normal bodily function for them, after all – but since Taehyung had the imprint, any mention of the heat implied that he couldn’t stop thinking about the way his pet human smelled and tasted. Even though he was coming to accept that the imprint, and by extension, his desires, were not his fault, it was still awkward and embarrassing for him to talk about it. He hadn’t told anyone about it other than you, so only Namjoon knew.

“Yeah? What’s been going on? Maybe she’s just stressed out about it,” Namjoon tried to reassure his brother. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know…” Taehyung pursed his lips in thought. “She spent the last couple of days locked up in her room and I kept hearing her crying. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, though.”

Namjoon was starting to get a sinking feeling in his stomach. Was this related to the conversation he’d had with you so many months ago?

“And she was really weird today, too. You know she gave me a hug?” Try as he might, Taehyung couldn’t stop the dreamy note from entering his voice. As uncharacteristic as it had been for you, he’d missed your physical affection so much that he couldn’t bring himself to complain about it.

“That sounds nice. Why are you worried then?” Namjoon prompted.

“I don’t know. She just seemed really upset even though she was trying to hide it.” Taehyung frowned. “I even offered to stay home again to keep her company, but she basically forced me to leave the house.”

His jaw tightening, Namjoon’s mind raced. “You should go back to check on her if you’re worried,” he told Taehyung.

“What? But practice and everything, I can’t just abandon you guys-” he protested.

“Please, as if you’re helping us out in your current state.” Namjoon rolled his eyes. “Go, I’ll cover for you with the others.”

“Okay. Thank you, hyung,” he said gratefully before running down the hall to the elevator.

------------------------------------

You picked up the bottle again, shaking it a little and hearing the noise as the pills rattled against the container. “Okay, now or never,” you psyched yourself up with a deep breath. Of course, you’d rather it be never, but you pushed that thought out of your mind. This was for Taehyung, you reminded yourself.

The bottle cap had a child lock on it, which was truly ridiculous when you stopped to think about it, because adult humans were definitely more able to open a stupid bottle cap than a hybrid child was. If they were going to restrict access to prescription medication, a human-proof lock would be better.

Then again, you mused sardonically, most humans were smart enough to know not to break into medicine cabinets and eat whatever they saw, so it was probably seen as redundant.

Opening the bottle easily, you turned it over and emptied the contents into your hand. You dropped the bottle onto the covers next to where you were sitting and reached for the glass of water you’d prepared on your nightstand. Your hand trembled so much, though, that you had to work extra hard to get a good grip on the glass, and even then, you spilled a bit on the bed.

Slowly, you unclenched your hand and stared at the pills. Closing your eyes, you tossed them all into your mouth, then brought the glass of water to your lips. Come on, you thought to yourself. It would all be over soon – all the suffering that you’d experienced in the last year. Just a couple of minutes, and you would slip into blissful sleep. No more nightmares, no more trauma…

Now that you’d decided on this path, the knowledge that you wouldn’t need to continue living such a painful existence was almost a relief to you. Finally, you tipped the glass a little so water filled your mouth and swallowed. You finished the water before setting the glass back on the bedside table, then stretched out so you were lying on your side, facing the door.

Although it was too soon to feel the effects of the sleeping pills, you felt an incredible wave of peace wash over you, and you closed your eyes. Soon, all of this would be over. You’d be free, setting down all your burdens.

Right before you faded out of consciousness, you vaguely registered your phone vibrating against the bedside table, but your eyelids were too heavy to lift, and it felt impossible to raise your hand to pick it up to see who was calling.

----------------------------------------

The sense of dread and discomfort Taehyung felt brewing in the pit of his stomach only intensified as he drove back home, and by the time he parked his car, the unease bordered on panic. He’d been attempting to call you the whole time, but you hadn’t picked up, which was strange for you – you’d not been far from your phone ever since you’d gotten your first. It was just lucky that he hadn’t been pulled over or gotten into an accident from how poorly he’d been driving, his gaze constantly flicking from the road to his phone.

He raced up to his apartment as quickly as possible, bursting through the door like a madman. Every second felt like life or death, and he’d almost broken the elevator buttons from pressing on it so hard so many times. “Y/n?” he called, his voice echoing through the apartment the moment he stepped through the door.

There was no response to break the ominous silence, only the deafening sound of his heart pounding in his ears. Kicking off his shoes, Taehyung walked quickly through the corridor, peeking into the kitchen and living room as he passed them to make sure you weren’t in either of those rooms.

“Y/n?” he called again, his voice starting to sound slightly manic. He hoped more than anything that you would appear from around the corner and laugh at him for getting so worked up over nothing, but there was no sound or movement. Your bedroom door was shut, so he knew you hadn’t left the apartment, because you never shut it after you.

Stopping in front of your room, he knocked on the door. “Y/n, are you there? Can you let me in, please?”

Silence.

“Y/n?” He knocked again, a little more insistently.

When there was still no response, he opened the door hesitantly and peeked in. “Y/n?” When he saw you lying on your bed, he relaxed for a moment, thinking that you were just taking a nap. In fact, you looked so peaceful like that, with all the lines in your face from that tense expression you always wore around him smoothed out.

He stepped into the room and realized only then that something was wrong. You were breathing too slowly, and your heart rate was sluggish. Looking closer, he saw the empty pill bottle lying on its side next to you and his panic rocketed through the roof.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed, rushing to you. “Y/n? Y/n!” he tried to shake you awake, to no avail.

“Shit,” he hissed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to prop you up. Your head lolled listlessly. “Y/n, please,” he begged, tears pricking at his eyes that he tried to blink away. He had to keep it together, or you wouldn’t make it.

Setting you back down on the bed, he called the ambulance hotline. The moment he heard the click that meant someone had picked up, he started explaining what had happened, the words spilling out of him in his urgency. “My human, she’s swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills, I don’t know what to do, I—” His voice broke on a sob.

“Sir? Please remain calm. I’ll send an ambulance; can you provide your address?” The person manning the hotline’s soothing voice helped Taehyung, and he took a deep breath as he told her the address.

“An ambulance will be there ASAP. In the meantime, it would be helpful if you could induce vomiting to start removing the drug from her system.”

Taehyung tossed his phone onto the covers and pushed his sleeves past his elbows. “Induce vomiting…” he muttered to himself, his hands hovering uncertainly over your face. “Uhhh…”

Gingerly, he slid one hand under your neck to hold your head off the mattress slightly and winced as he stuck two fingers in your mouth, gently probing at the opening of your throat. No response.

“Fuck, come on…” he said, voice strained as he pushed a little harder and felt you gag. Encouraged, he did it again, and it felt like your whole body convulsed as you started throwing up.

“Gross,” he cried, unable to retract his hand fast enough. He tilted your head so you didn’t choke on your own vomit, and it fell onto the floor instead. He wrinkled his nose – the smell was awful, especially to his enhanced hybrid senses – but he could see the pills lying among the mess, and he sagged in relief, bracing his arms against the bed on either side of your prone form as he bowed his head, his forehead just barely touching your stomach.

And then the paramedics arrived, and everything was a blur of motion that Taehyung could barely keep up with. You were lifted onto a stretcher and someone was wiping off his hand, then he was following the paramedics out while answering their questions about you. Turns out, he didn’t know a lot about what you’d been doing before you decided to do this.

On the way to the hospital, he sat in the ambulance clutching your hand, hovering anxiously above you and watching your face for any sign of discomfort or pain. There was none, of course. You were still out cold, but watching you made him feel useful, and reassured him that you were still breathing and okay. His wolf was frantic, and it was difficult to keep his baser instincts under wraps when his control was so frayed by his emotional state, but he had to, for your sake.

It became almost a mantra for him during the traumatic hours when they wheeled you off into the hospital, pumped your stomach and gave you other drugs to get the sleeping pills out of your system. He reminded himself sternly that he could not give in to his animal instincts, rip into the doctors and nurses who were causing you pain and growl at everyone to leave you the fuck alone. It had been easier staying in control of his animal side when there was a task at hand that he needed to focus on to help you, but now that there was nothing to do but sit around, he felt like he was going crazy, the two sides of his psyche at war with each other.

He sat in the corridor right outside the room you were in, listening to the sounds coming from within: the beeping, the yelling from the doctor and nurses as they tried to save your life, and worst of all, the revolting sounds that came with you having your stomach pumped. You regained consciousness briefly during that time, and your cries of distress and pain were agonizing to listen to. Unaware that there was nothing he could do, his wolf side snarled and begged for him to help, to snatch you away from the people who were torturing you. He bowed his head, sat on his hands and cried along with you.

It wasn’t until you were safely in your own room in the hospital, cleaned up and asleep in your bed with an IV drip in, that Taehyung could finally relax, knowing you would be all right. He texted Namjoon to tell him what had happened, then just sat with you, waiting for you to wake up.

---------------------------------------

The room was dark, you noted sluggishly. The door was open, and some light spilled in from the hallway, but the ceiling was barely lit with a dim yellow. It was kind of soothing, you thought as your eyes slid shut again. Everything felt heavy and ached, so you didn’t bother trying to move. It was easier to just go back to sleep.

The next time you woke up, the room was bright again, and when you tried to lift your hand to your face to block out the light, you found that you couldn’t. This was concerning until you turned to see Taehyung, slumped on the bed with his cheek resting against your hand.

You wriggled your fingers a little, just to check that you still could, and the motion woke him up. He blinked slowly, his vision blurry for a second, until he realized where he was and jolted upright. It was probably the fastest you’d ever seen him wake up, and you wanted to make a dig at his expense about it, but when you tried to speak, you realized how dry your throat was.

“Water,” you croaked, and Taehyung leapt to do your bidding, bringing you a paper cup filled with water. You reached out to take the cup from him, but he refused to hand it over, helping you sit up with one arm while feeding you the water with the other. When the cool liquid touched your lips, you sucked it down eagerly, unaware until that moment how very thirsty you actually were.

“Slowly,” Taehyung cautioned. Ignoring him, you drained the cup and asked for more.

When you’d had three whole cups of water, he helped you find the remote control for the bed so that you could sit up comfortably. The blanket pooled around your hips and Taehyung continued fussing over you, making sure you were comfortable.

“I’m fine, oppa,” you said, batting his hands away gently. He looked up at you, his face so close to yours, and the anguish you saw in his eyes took your breath away. “Oppa… are you okay?” you asked, cradling his face with your hand. You swept your thumb across his cheek as his eyes closed. He was supposed to be okay… that was the whole point.

“I should be asking you that question,” he forced out, his voice thick with emotion as he sat back down heavily. “Y/n… why did you do it?”

Swallowing hard, you looked away from him and refused to say anything.

“Y/n, please…” he begged. “I want to help you. That’s all I want.” He leaned forward, trying to meet your eyes, but you slid your gaze away again. “If you won’t talk to me, will you talk to a psychologist or a therapist?”

Your eyes widened in panic and you turned back to face him so fast he thought he might have heard your neck crack. “I can’t talk to anyone else about this!” you cried out. “You know we can’t tell anyone about the… the…” As you realized what you’d almost blurted out, you clammed up, clutching at your blanket in distress as you lowered your gaze.

“Is this… about the imprint?” Taehyung asked, his voice shaky now. You didn’t reply, but the damage was already done. “Y/n, I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his voice choked. He sniffled and blinked away tears. “I know this has been difficult and unfair for you,” he continued. “If you want to leave me, you only have to ask, okay?”

Fuck. This had never been the plan. Now he thought there was something wrong with you and wanted to get rid of you. Of course he did – who wanted a defective pet who tried to commit suicide? “You want me to go?” you asked in a small voice. “Where- where would I go?”

“Will you be happier if you leave? I just want you to be happy, baby. You can go live with my parents, or I’ll get you your own apartment somewhere, or if you want--” He gulped. “I can see if anyone else wants to adopt you. You’re so cute and pretty, I’m sure lots of hybrids want to adopt a human like you.” The words felt like ground glass, but he was sincere in his offer. If it would help you, he would give you up entirely, despite the personal cost to him. Even saying the words had his wolf going crazy, begging and whining for you to stay, but he remained resolute, refusing to give voice to his feelings. This was about you, and it would remain about you.

Would you be happier if you left? Honestly, you didn’t know. You looked up at him and bit your lip thoughtfully. The imprint had been difficult for you to deal with, yes, and he’d ruined your trust in him by kicking you out. But he’d been trying to make up for it ever since, and it had been about eight months of him reining in his instincts and being patient and kind. You were more than aware that his insomnia was caused by you, and it probably wasn’t the only problem that you were causing in his life, yet he’d never made you feel bad.

And—most importantly, he’d saved you. You were sitting in this hospital bed, well and alive, because of him, and he was still trying to help you. Would you ever find somebody who cared about you as much as Taehyung? Who else would go to the same lengths to make sure that you were safe and happy?

Even now, you could see how difficult it was for him to make you that offer. Taehyung was notoriously bad at hiding his feelings, after all, especially from someone as familiar with him as you were, but even without seeing his distress from his body language, you knew that it wouldn’t be easy for him if you left his life. Yet he’d offered, and he was being sincere about it.

Taehyung was one in a million, and you’d lucked out by having him as your owner. He’d been exemplary other than his one slip, and as awful as that had been, you could sort of understand why he’d done it. Besides, hadn’t he made up for it?

Before you knew it, you were shaking your head. Slowly at first, then increasingly vehemently. You didn’t want to leave him, you realized now. Yes, things had been difficult recently, but he’d done his best to make up for it, was truly remorseful about his mistake, and you could feel how much he cared for you with everything he did. For the most part, you really liked being his pet, and you would miss him if you left.

“I don’t want to leave,” you said in a small voice.

Taehyung sagged in relief. “Okay, baby,” he said, reaching out to stroke your hair. “We’ll figure it out, okay? Trust me. I’ll never let anything bad happen to you ever again.”

His promise made you feel like everything was going to be all right, because you knew Taehyung would move heaven and earth for you.

------------------------------

When you were discharged from the hospital a few days later, Taehyung was right there to pick you up, wheeling you out in your wheelchair – despite your protests that you could walk, thank you very much – and attempting to help you into the car. Although you slapped his hands away and got into the car unaided, you couldn’t stop the small smile that stole across your face at how eager he was to coddle you.

Taehyung had barely left your side during the time you’d been in the hospital, and they’d given him special permission to stay past visiting hours because he was your owner. He’d only gone home to shower and change, and to bring you some proper clothes to change into when you were discharged. Your near-death experience had changed your entire outlook on the situation you were in, and you were more open with him now than you’d been in the past months, ever since he rescued you from the streets. Taehyung, for his part, reveled in your new, easier relationship with him, smiling so much at you that you wondered how his cheeks didn’t ache.

You were glad to be home, honestly. Hospital food sucked and you craved the comfort of being back in familiar surroundings. Taehyung looked over at you after pressing the button for the elevator, and you smiled back at him. “You doing okay?” he asked, just to be sure. He’d been doing that a lot over the past couple of days – asking after you periodically, like he just had to make sure that you were still okay.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you told him, squeezing his arm. You knew it had scared him when you suddenly – or so it seemed to him – decided to take your own life, with very little warning. Since you didn’t have any plans to tell him why you’d done it, not being willing to throw Namjoon under the bus when you knew he’d meant well, you’d made up your mind to reassure him that you didn’t have any plans to try again. You were quite happy being among the living.

When Taehyung opened the front door and let you in, you about leapt out of your skin when you saw the other boys standing in the entrance. “Y/n-ie!” Jimin cried, rushing to give you a hug. Confused, you stood still and let him rub his cheek against your temple, staring with wide eyes at the boys over his shoulder.

“Guys, what are you doing here?” Taehyung grumped, trying to sound irritated but not entirely succeeding.

Hoseok shrugged. “We wanted to come welcome Y/n back,” he explained. “We brought lots of food, too.”

“Aww, thank you guys,” you giggled.

It was easy to not overthink when you were with all seven of the boys. They were rowdy and noisy, as always, yelling at each other and hamming it up to make you laugh. You didn’t need to do much to feel comfortable with them, sliding into old, familiar patterns of interaction as you sat at the table and ate the food they’d brought, giggling at their antics.

Even Taehyung seemed to relax around them, losing the tension you’d seen him carry in his shoulders and the lines around his mouth. As he smiled and laughed with Jungkook and Jimin, you couldn’t help but feel warm inside. This was what you had chosen, and you were happy with your decision.

None of the boys mentioned why you’d been in the hospital to begin with, not wanting to make you uncomfortable, but from the way Namjoon kept staring at you, you knew Taehyung had definitely told at least him. You tried your best to avoid his gaze, feeling awkward, but you could feel his eyes drilling holes into the back of your head.

After lunch, you excused yourself to use the restroom while the others started clearing up. As you were washing your hands, you stared into the mirror as the memory of what had transpired the last time you were in this room happened. Right behind the mirror was the cabinet, and you couldn’t help but recall reaching in to grab the bottle of pills.

Shaken, you quickly dried off your hands and exited the room – only to run into Namjoon, who was leaning against the wall by the bathroom door.

“Oppa,” you greeted him, making to skirt around him and return to the living room, where the rest of the boys had migrated.

“Y/n,” he said urgently, and you looked up at him, surprised. You’d thought he just wanted to use the bathroom too, but apparently you were wrong.

“What is it, oppa?” you asked politely, not wanting to make a scene.

“Y/n, I’m sorry,” he apologized, looking down shamefully.

Your eyes widened. This hadn’t really been what you were expecting. “What for?” you asked cautiously.

“For suggesting that you should… you know,” he gestured at you with his hands, unable to say the words.

“Oh… don’t be sorry. You didn’t force me or anything,” you said, patting his arm.

“Still, I shouldn’t have told you about it,” he persisted. “That was wrong of me, I realise now. It’s not your responsibility to break the imprint.”

“Oppa…” you sighed. “It’s really not your fault, okay? I was the one who made the decision, and I was the one who asked you for the information. I know you were just trying to help.”

He raised his anguished gaze to meet yours, and you were surprised by how truly miserable he looked. This whole time, you’d thought that he only tolerated you, that he resented you because of what you’d done to Taehyung. His attitude towards you had shifted so drastically after finding out about the imprint that you’d gotten whiplash, and it was a huge part of why you ultimately accepted that the imprint was mostly your fault. Seeing him so cut up about your suicide attempt was jarring, to say the least.

“No, it was wrong of me,” he insisted. “I’m so sorry, Y/n. I realise now that it isn’t your fault all of this happened, and I should have known better than to tell you when you were still recovering from your traumatic experience.”

“What did you tell her?” Taehyung’s voice cut rudely into the discussion you were having with Namjoon, and you both whipped around, eyes wide. It would have been almost comical if Taehyung hadn’t been so furious.

“Taehyung-ah—”

“Tae-oppa—”

Both of you tried to placate Taehyung, but he wasn’t having it. “What. Did. You. Tell. Her?” he asked, louder and more forcefully this time.

You wanted to facepalm. You’d been so careful about not letting it slip to Taehyung, trying to prevent this very situation from happening, and he’d caught you at the earliest possible moment.

“Tae-oppa, please—” You ran towards him, grabbing his shirt with your hands and trying to stop him from advancing on Namjoon. “It was nothing, please just let it go,” you begged.

When he looked down tenderly at you, brushing his thumb over your cheek in a manner that was very reminiscent of the way you’d done the same to him in the hospital, you relaxed a little, thinking he was going to do as you asked. Then he looked up at Namjoon over your head, and you sighed. Oh well, you thought. It would have been too easy if you’d been able to defuse the situation just like that.

Namjoon, for his part, wasn’t doing anything to defend himself, standing with his head bowed and hands clasped in front of him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly, knowing that Taehyung would be able to hear him anyway.

It didn’t help. Taehyung pushed you out of the way gently and you stared, wide-eyed, as he stalked towards the taller hybrid. Namjoon could probably defend himself if he wanted to, but he didn’t bother, letting Taehyung deck him so hard he fell onto the ground. Unsatisfied, Taehyung straddled him and continued hitting him repeatedly, so hard you could see Namjoon’s eye already swelling shut as blood spattered on the ground.

“Stop, stop!” you screamed, throwing yourself onto your knees behind the and wrapping your arms around Taehyung’s waist. “Stop, please…” you started sobbing, burying your face in his back. The violence reminded you of being out on the streets, watching the various gang fights between the humans that would take place on a near-daily basis.

The commotion had the other boys rushing to see what was going on, gathering in the hallway as they gawked at the scene in front of them. Hoseok was the first one to snap out of it, running forward to haul Taehyung off Namjoon. The fox hybrid wasn’t strong enough to control the incensed wolf, but Jin and Jungkook quickly stepped in to help, and together they managed to separate the two.

Jimin darted forward to fuss over Namjoon, helping him up while Taehyung strained against his brothers and continued yelling and swearing.

“Tae-oppa, please,” you begged, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Please stop.”

The proximity to you seemed to help, as he relaxed slightly in your hold. “You’d better go,” you said to Namjoon, and he nodded. The rest of the boys filed out with him, leaving you alone with your owner.

“Tae-oppa, are you okay?” you asked worriedly once the door closed behind the others. You pulled away from him and grabbed his hands, examining them to make sure he hadn’t hurt himself.

“Is that why you did it?” he asked. He didn’t sound like himself, and you looked up at him with concern. His bangs hung over his eyes, which were still sparking with rage. He’d never seemed more like an animal than in that moment, and this was including the last time he’d been in heat.

“Taehyung-oppa…” You didn’t know what to say.

“Is it?!” he raised his voice, and you jumped in fright. Your nerves were already shot to hell from the bathroom and then the confrontation with Namjoon, and you broke down in tears.

“I’m sorry,” you blubbered between sobs. “He said it was the only way to break the imprint, and then you said you didn’t want it, and I thought—”

“Hey, hey.” Your distress snapped Taehyung out of his anger, and he immediately turned his attention to comforting you. “I wasn’t blaming you, please don’t cry,” he said, his tone a lot softer now as he rubbed his hands up and down your arms. “You don’t need to apologize, ever, okay? It was my fault for being thoughtless,” he said, ducking a little so he could look you in the eye when you were stubbornly looking downward.

“I don’t ever want you to think that the imprint is a problem for you to solve, okay? It’s not your fault, and I should never have made you think that you had any obligation to seek out a solution, especially one like that.” The strength and conviction with which he spoke the words made it difficult to do anything other than nod, and you finally felt the weight you’d been carrying on your shoulders ever since Namjoon told you about what he thought was the only way to break the bond.

“And I’m sorry for yelling.” He sighed as you hugged him, wrapping his own arms around you and stroking your hair as you sobbed into his shirtfront. “Next time, if you have any problems, I don’t want you to think you have to hide them from me, okay? Even if they’re about us.” He might have imprinted on you, but he was still your owner and he was still responsible for you. He’d been paying for his slip-up for almost a year now, and he was determined to be more mindful from now on. The image of your body, looking so small and fragile, in your bed still haunted him.

------------------------------------

Being back in your room was difficult, you realized once you’d washed up and gotten ready for bed. Even getting into bed made you think of your suicide attempt, and there was also that ugly stain on the carpet from where you’d thrown up. Taehyung had tried to clean it, but he hadn’t been able to get the stain out, and looking at it bothered you.

There was no way you’d be able to fall asleep in the room, so you hesitantly walked over to Taehyung’s intending to bunk in with him. However, the moment you reached the door, you chickened out and paused with your fist raised. Would it be okay if you slept with him tonight? Taehyung would never say no, but you knew it would probably be difficult for him to get any rest with you in his bed. The last time you’d slept in the same room with him had been the night he found out about your experience on the street, and you still remembered waking up to his hard-on pressing into your back.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, you thought. You could always stay on the couch tonight, you decided and turned to do just that. Before you could take a step, however, the bedroom door opened behind you and you turned back around to see Taehyung standing in front of you wearing just pajama pants.

“H-hey,” you said awkwardly.

“Do you want to come in?” he asked. You didn’t ask how he knew you were there – of course he heard you coming down the hall. You bit your lip uncertainly, but sleeping with him did sound like a much better option than the couch, so you said yes and scurried into his room, climbing back into your side of the bed and burrowing under the sheets.

“Are you all right?” Taehyung asked as he got back into bed.

You hummed noncommittally. “I guess,” you said cagily, and he turned onto his side to look at you more fully. The intimacy of this position made your heart race, and you weren’t sure if it was discomfort or something else. His quirked brow was all it took to make you come clean. “Being in my room reminds me of… you know,” you mumbled, feeling guilty for some reason.

“It’s okay,” Taehyung soothed, though he didn’t initiate any physical contact. “You can stay here tonight, and tomorrow we can go stay with my parents for a while, okay? Would you like that?”

Your eyes lit up at the prospect. “We can visit Yeontan?” you asked, your voice lilting with delight.

“Of course we can,” Taehyung said, smiling at you. Your affection for the little dog knew no bounds, and he really should have done this sooner, he realized as he watched you snuggle more deeply into the sheets and shut your eyes. You were asleep within minutes, which he envied, knowing it would probably be a sleepless night for him.

Thankfully, he was wrong, although he thought maybe it would have been better if he’d stayed awake when he woke up and realized that he was wrapped around you again. He was really working on remembering to limit physical contact with you, but it was difficult not to give in to habit (and his wolf instincts) when you seemed more open and comfortable around him than you had in months. Your brush with death had really changed your attitude towards him, it seemed, and though he didn’t really understand why, he was just pleased that you didn’t seem to shy away from his touch as much anymore.

Carefully disentangling himself from you, he slipped out of bed with his phone in his hand and hobbled awkwardly towards the bathroom. Sharing a bed with his imprint was hard (pun intended). Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, he called his parents to ask if it was okay if the two of you stayed with them for a little while. They were more than pleased to have you.

The next call he made was considerably harder. Since he wasn’t exactly on talking terms with Namjoon, he called Hoseok to let him know that he would be taking a couple of weeks off to spend time with you and his family. He felt bad about it, and apologized repeatedly, but right now he had to make you his priority.

Hoseok was understanding enough, explaining that he too thought it was best if Taehyung and Namjoon didn’t see each other for a little bit. They were already going to have to push promotions back by a couple of weeks because Namjoon’s face was messed up, so it would be fine if he skipped practice.

When he hung up the phone, he took a moment to bury his face in his hands. God, everything was a mess, but at least you were healthy and seemed to be in high spirits. Shaken up by your near brush with death, sure, but overall doing way better than expected. Thank God for small blessings, he supposed. And big blessings too, like that he’d decided to come home early and found you before it was too late.

You woke up to an empty bed, but that didn’t really faze you. When you peeked out the bedroom door, you saw the bathroom door was closed, and figured Taehyung was in there. Shrugging, you skipped over to your room to start packing. You couldn’t be more excited about going back to Geochang and seeing Yeontan and Kai and everyone else.

---------------------------------------

Being back on the farm was great, you thought. Yeontan came running up to the car as soon as it pulled up in front of the house, and you leapt out to pick up your furry little friend. “I missed you so much,” you cooed, rubbing your face in his fur as he wriggled around excitedly, trying to lick your face. Taehyung’s parents came out to greet you, hugging their son and then you. Yeontan was now panting happily from his perch in your arms, and you cuddled him as Taehyung brought your bags in.

Distractions abounded on the farm, and you kept yourself well-entertained with Taehyung’s siblings, nephews and nieces, and hanging out with your old friends. It made it easy to avoid thinking about everything that had transpired, and every night when it was time for bed, you were so exhausted that you weren’t able to lie there thinking and worrying, falling asleep almost immediately.

Taehyung was enjoying the break too. He loved the city and his work, but being back in the countryside, with the clean air and the family he rarely got to see was a welcome respite. He spent his days mostly in the house, hanging out with his family while you ran around doing whatever. It was nice to see you happy again, he thought one afternoon as you took a nap on the couch, snuggled up with Yeontan. He was still a baby, but he was getting on in age and wasn’t as spry as he once was, something you didn’t mind as you carried him around so he wouldn’t strain his little joints walking.

Still, you could only distract yourself for so long before everything caught up with you, and you found yourself huddled in a shed late one morning crying over everything you’d lost. As healing as being on the farm was, it reminded you of the last time you’d lived here, while Taehyung had been serving in the military. It had been so much easier, everything uncomplicated and simple. You hadn’t had to battle these complicated feelings for Taehyung, knowing that he was struggling with his own turmoil – you’d just been secure in the fact that he loved you the way he should love a pet.

Yeontan, concerned, propped his front paws on your knees and tried to lick your tears away, but you just pulled him close as you continued to sob. Why had everything become so difficult? What had you done to deserve all of this?

As you were having your little breakdown, Taehyung was looking for you. It was almost lunchtime, which you were never late for because you loved his mom’s cooking, so he got concerned when you didn’t pop up with Yeontan in tow. It seemed like the dog liked you better than everyone else, including Taehyung himself, which didn’t seem fair, but he’d gotten over sulking about it when he saw how happy you two made each other.

“Mom, have you seen Y/n? She’s usually never late for lunch, I’m getting worried,” Taehyung finally asked after checking every room in the house and the spots around the farm he thought she’d be.

“Oh, try looking in that old shed on the far corner of the orchard, sweetie,” his mother replied carelessly, plating up the dishes. “She likes to hang out there for quiet time; thinks we don’t know about it.”

With that helpful tip, Taehyung jogged through the orchard to the shed in question, knowing he’d hit the jackpot even before opening the door because of the sound of your sobs coming through the door.

“Y/n?” he called, knocking on the door. “You in there?”

Sniffling, you hastily tried to wipe away your tears with the sleeve of your shirt. “Yeah,” you called out.

“Hey,” he greeted you as he walked in, coming to take a seat next to you. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” you said, looking down at your hands, half-covered by your oversized sleeves. Only your fingers peeked out, making you look smaller and more vulnerable than usual.

“Come on,” Taehyung coaxed, knocking his shoulder into yours gently. “You know you can trust me with anything, right? I’ll always support you.”

You clenched your hands into fists, hiding them in your sleeves. Yeontan hopped from your lap to Taehyung’s, and you felt the loss of his warm little body immediately, curling closer into Taehyung in response.

“It’s just… it’s a lot,” you said vaguely, unsure of how to put your thoughts into words.

Thankfully, Taehyung understood without you needing to say anything. “I’m sure it is,” he empathized quietly. His giant frame radiated heat that you soaked up eagerly. As a human, you weren’t quite as resistant to the cold as he was. “If you want to talk about it, though, I’m always here for you, okay? It can be now or any time.”

“I know.” You nodded. Taehyung had definitely demonstrated his commitment to you. Whether it was because he was a responsible pet owner or because of the imprint you weren’t sure, but you knew now that there was no stronger force on this earth than Taehyung’s determination to keep you safe.

It was that sense of security that had you opening up to him. Resting your head on his shoulder, you started speaking. “Being here just reminded me of a simpler time, is all.”

“I get that,” Taehyung said quietly, leaning his head against yours. “Being here reminds me of my childhood too.” He ignored the way his heart seemed to skip at your proximity, determined to be there for you. You’d always enjoyed physical comfort in the past, and it wasn’t anything more than that. What kind of owner would he be if he couldn’t even cuddle his pet?

He looked down at Yeontan, sitting on his lap and panting up at him happily. That’s right, he tried to convince himself. You were just like Yeontan. Pesky imprint aside, he shouldn’t see or treat you any differently.

Thankfully, you didn’t notice any of his inner turmoil since you were so absorbed in your own thoughts. Looping your arm around his, you continued speaking, feeling like now that the dam had been broken the words were spilling out of you almost too fast, without any control. “I know none of this is your fault – well, except for kicking me out, that most definitely was—” Taehyung nodded, accepting your censure with grace, “—but it just feels like a lot of pressure, you know?”

Taehyung stiffened. “If I’ve ever made you feel obligated to do anything—” he began, but you cut him off, shaking your head.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Your brow furrowed as you thought about the best way to phrase it. “It’s just that…” you paused to think for a moment, before continuing. “Knowing how much you’re struggling makes me feel like I should be doing more to help you,” you explained.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to, really, you shouldn’t worry about this at all,” he stressed, and meant it.

“That’s not how caring about someone works, Tae-oppa,” you countered. “Besides, isn’t your heat coming up soon? If we don’t go back soon you’re going to have to go through it here and it’ll be super awkward and—” You stopped when Taehyung abruptly lifted his head off yours and stared down at you.

“What is it?” you asked, looking up at him. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Oppa? You okay?”

“My heat,” he murmured. “I forgot about that.”

Your face scrunched up in confusion. “You forgot? How is that even possible?” The symptoms of his preheat were so disruptive that all his daily activities were affected by them.

“I don’t know, the symptoms just… disappeared.”

Blinking at him, you tried to put the pieces together. “Okaaaay…” you said slowly. “When did this happen?” If there was a problem with his health, you had to go back to Seoul ASAP so he could see a doctor. You’d never heard of this happening before, although granted, you’d never been seeking this information out.

“Uhh, I remember eating way more than usual for breakfast the morning that you, uh…” he paused awkwardly, then continued, skipping over any mention of your suicide attempt altogether. “Then you were in the hospital and I was so worried I was barely eating, so I guess it was then?”

You frowned. That didn’t make sense – his heat cycle had never been disrupted by stress before. Even when there’d been deaths in his family his heat had still passed without incident. Yet it had to be that, since the timing lined up so perfectly.

Taehyung’s lips pressed together to avoid smiling at how cute you were when you were deep in thought, trying to figure the puzzle out. “Come on,” he said, standing up and dusting his pants off. “It’s lunchtime.”

“Oh, okay,” you said quietly, jolted out of your train of thought, as you let him help you up. By the time you got back to the house, lunch was almost over and as you exclaimed your disappointment over your favourite stew being gone, you forgot entirely about the strange mystery of Taehyung’s heat.

--------------------------------------

Being back in Geochang meant hanging out with Kai again. Your reunion with your ex-boyfriend was something you’d been looking forward to since Taehyung even floated the idea of going back to visit his parents. You hadn’t broken up because you were incompatible in any way, of course, but because it was just impossible to be together, since your life was with Taehyung’s in Seoul, and Kai’s family was very happy living in the countryside.

Still, when you went to visit him, his owners just let you into the house, telling you that Kai was upstairs in his room. After thanking them politely, you ran up to his bedroom, bursting in and jumping on his bed, where he was still sleeping.

“Kai! Wake up, you lazy sack!” you giggled as you shook him awake.

He batted you away irritably. “I haven’t seen you in over a year and you’re still just as annoying as ever,” he grumbled, but since he glomped you while he was saying it, you ignored his annoying whining.

You bullied him into going to brush his teeth and sat on the edge of the bathtub watching him as he did so. He was just as handsome as ever, if not more so, but somehow you didn’t feel any attraction towards him. Was it because of the time you’d spent on the streets? Oh God, what if you didn’t like men anymore? Or sex in general? That would be a real tragedy, you thought, pressing your lips together.

Despite your confusion about Kai, the two of you still had a good time together, riding bikes around the countryside the way you used to. It was cold now, since it was winter, but you didn’t let that stop the two of you, even though you were both freezing with red drippy noses. Eventually you ended up in the community greenhouse, setting up a picnic in a cozy corner and shucking your coats. Being with Kai was easy and familiar, and you found yourself slipping into a younger state of mind, feeling lighter and happier. Still no lust, though.

Kai, on the other hand, seemed to have no such compunction – you felt his hand sliding along your lower back, clearly trying to get under your shirt, and you bit back a smile. Even if you didn’t reciprocate, there was something so therapeutic about the predictability of your ex-boyfriend trying to hit on you after all the chaos in your life over the past year.

“Kai,” you rebuked, brushing his hand away from you.

“No?” he asked, pouting at you.

Instead of answering verbally, you just shook your head with a smile.

“Okay,” he accepted, lying back. “I had my doubts anyway.”

“Yeah?” You turned onto your stomach and lay down next to him, propping yourself up with your elbows so you could look down at him easily. “How come?”

He shrugged. “Your whole vibe just seems different,” he said vaguely. “Can you move over a little, please? The sun is getting in my eyes.”

You rolled your eyes but acquiesced so that your shadow blocked out the sun. “What do you mean by that, though?”

“You seem… quieter, and your eyes are different. Like you’re keeping secrets, or you have a burden.”

Well, that much was certainly true, you thought as you hummed in acknowledgement.

“You’re still hot, though,” was his conclusion. You rolled your eyes as you laughed. Kai would be Kai, you supposed.

“Don’t worry, everything’s going to work out,” he said unexpectedly, and you looked at him with wide eyes. He’d always been perceptive, so you shouldn’t have been surprised though. He just smiled sweetly at you in response, and your heart squeezed with affection for him.

“Kai,” you sighed, snuggling close to him and resting your head on his chest. His arm came up around you, and it was nice and secure and warm. Still, you couldn’t shake the thought that Taehyung gave warmer hugs and was altogether better at making you feel like nothing in this world could touch you.

The both of you fell asleep in the greenhouse and only woke up when the sun was starting to set. Kai dropped you off at your place, just like old times, and you smiled fondly at his departing figure on his bicycle before turning around to enter the house.

You almost tripped over Taehyung on your way back into the house.

“Where were you all day?” he demanded.

“Jeez, oppa!” you screamed, pressing your hand over your pounding heart. “I was hanging out with Kai today, don’t worry,” you said dismissively, walking into the house. “Mom, I’m home!” you called out, unwinding your scarf and shucking your coat.

Taehyung came in after you, right on your heels. “You smell just like him,” he grumbled.

“Yeah, we fell asleep after lunch,” you explained with a shrug. This wasn’t necessarily uncommon behavior – even when you were just hanging around the house, you often napped in the afternoon.

His face still looked like a thundercloud, though. “What’s wrong, Taehyung-oppa?” you asked, your brow starting to furrow in concern. Had you missed something important today?

“Nothing,” he sulked. “You just really smell like him,” he repeated.

“All right,” you accepted, though you gave him another strange look before going to the dining room.

Jealousy was inappropriate and ridiculous, Taehyung reminded himself sternly as he ran his hands through his hair. He glanced towards the dining room where you’d gone, and tugged on the fluffy strands hard, hoping the pain would help him ground himself. You’d done nothing wrong and didn’t deserve this weird attitude from him.

Still, he had to admit that he absolutely hated having to smell another man’s scent on you, especially because Kai was human. He knew that you hadn’t done anything with Kai, but still, even if you had, who could blame you? Certainly not his mother, who was asking you about your day with your fellow human.

He needed to get a grip, he decided as he went to rejoin his family. This silly possessiveness over you was because of the imprint. He’d promised you that the imprint wasn’t going to be a problem because he could control it, and he intended to keep that promise.

Although, he thought as he looked over at you again, helping his mother set the table, these days he wasn’t quite sure where he ended and the imprint began.

-------------------------------------------

By the time you headed back to Seoul with Taehyung two weeks later, your relationship with him was much stronger, and you were happier than you’d been since before his last heat. Being in Geochang was like magic for you, the change in your surroundings making it so much easier to talk to Taehyung about all the doubts and insecurities that you’d been battling with for the past year. You’d even confessed your long-held guilt about taking advantage of him during his last heat, which he’d been horrified by.

Taehyung was driving, and he thought you were asleep in the front seat, so you took the opportunity to open your eyes just a crack to peek at him. He looked so good today, his large hands handling the steering wheel with ease, and you never felt safer than you did with him at the wheel.

“Tae-oppa?” you asked hesitantly as he got into the other side of the bed.

He hummed in acknowledgement, letting you know he was listening.

“About your heat…”

At that, he turned around to face you more fully, showing that you had his full attention.

“Can you go through your heat with another woman?”

“Uhhh…” Taehyung blinked at you. The question had come out of nowhere, and it took him a few seconds to digest it. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s not like there’s a manual for the imprint. It was thought to be obsolete technology, remember?”

You scooched further down into the sheets as you contemplated your response. “So what happened during your last heat… will it happen again?” It was kind of embarrassing talking about this, but you needed to be prepared. You weren’t going to end up in the same position as last year, caught off guard and unable to protect Taehyung from himself and you.

Unbeknownst to you, Taehyung was thinking the same thing. “It won’t,” he rushed to reassure you. “Now that I know what’s going to happen, we can make preparations, okay? You’ll stay with Yoongi or one of the others during my heat. You don’t have to worry that I’ll, uh…” He didn’t want to use the word ‘attack’, but that was what came to mind. “Anyway, yeah,” he concluded lamely.

“But you’ll be miserable, won’t you?” you asked, your eyes filled with concern.

“You don’t have to worry about that, sweetie,” he reassured you. “I can handle myself.”

“But I already feel bad about what I let happen last year,” you protested. “Are you sure you can’t go through your heat with someone else?”

His nose wrinkled in distaste at the mere thought of another woman, but he was more focused on what you’d accidentally let slip. “What do you mean what you let happen?” he asked.

Oops. You hadn’t really meant to say that. “You know,” you equivocated, gesturing helplessly with your hands. “You were clearly indisposed,” you tiptoed around it delicately, “and I should have known better than to reciprocate.” God, this was embarrassing. Your hands itched to bring the duvet up over your head.

“Y/n… what are you talking about?” Taehyung, completely flummoxed, had nothing else to say.

Okay, screw this. You burrowed further under the sheets, hiding your head under the covers. You were officially leaving this conversation.

“Y/n, what happened wasn’t your fault at all,” Taehyung said strongly, patting the head-shaped lump under the covers. “I basically attacked you like an animal, and you were the one who stopped it from getting out of hand. Thank you for that, by the way.”

Your head popped back out. “’Thank you’?” you echoed disbelievingly.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have wanted anything to happen, especially when we hadn’t talked about it before. You took charge when I wasn’t able to control myself, and I know it was difficult for you.”

Your eyes started to sting, and you willed your tears away. The relief of knowing, after all this time, that he didn’t blame you and you didn’t need to keep carrying this burden silently was overwhelming, making your throat close. You couldn’t have said anything in response to him, and Taehyung didn’t push you, just smiling down at you before he turned over and went to sleep, leaving you with your own emotions.

You’d thought about that night almost obsessively since, and you were replaying the events that had occurred in your mind again. Ever since then, you couldn’t stop the way your heart sped up a little when Taehyung was around, and you didn’t quite know what to make of it. He just made you feel so safe and cherished, and he’d so easily helped you set down all the emotional baggage you’d been accumulating for the past year. Was it gratitude or was it something more?

You opened your eyes fully and blinked at Taehyung, and he took his eyes off the road for just a second to smile at you. “Did you have a good nap?” he asked, returning his gaze to the front.

“Yeah,” you replied, smiling back at him. It was true – ever since you’d told him everything, you’d been sleeping so much easier. You still had occasional nightmares about your time on the streets, but Taehyung was always there when you woke up to comfort you, and you were starting to move past it.

“That’s good,” he said, the sincerity radiating off him.

Yeah, you thought to yourself. It was good.

---------------------------------

The return of his preheat symptoms didn’t particularly surprise Taehyung, but it definitely complicated things a little. Now that you were less distracted by everything and getting the space you needed from being home, without cameras constantly trained on you, you noticed almost immediately, increasing the amount of groceries you bought and making other small adjustments to make it easier for him.

These days you accompanied him to the studio more often than not, and somewhat ironically, it was Namjoon who was the most grateful to see you there. Even though you still seemed a little uncomfortable around him, refusing to make eye contact and getting jumpy whenever he walked past your chair or came too close, you were also careful to keep an eye on Taehyung, intervening whenever it looked like Taehyung was getting too hostile. Without your presence, he was sure that the comeback prep would have fallen apart ages ago. It wasn’t the first time you’d mediated fights between the boys, but Taehyung had never been so angry for so long before.

As Taehyung stormed out of the studio where they were practicing the choreography, citing his frustration with Namjoon’s inability to get the dance moves right as the reason he needed a break, you winced as you stood up and bowed deeply to the others in apology. “His preheat is making him irritable,” you explained. “I’m so sorry, I’ll talk to him after his heat passes and he’s more level-headed.”

The others made various noises of assent and/or irritation, but they all accepted that Taehyung’s behavior was just going to get more irrational until his heat was over. As hybrids themselves, they were more than familiar with the havoc that the heat wreaked on their emotions.

Turning, you ran after Taehyung, finally finding him in the empty recording booth. He was seated on the couch, his elbows propped on his thighs and his face buried in his hands. When he heard you come in, he didn’t even react.

“Hey,” you said softly, coming to sit next to him. “You doing okay there?”

“No,” Taehyung grumped. “And you probably shouldn’t sit this close to me, either.” Your scent had been distracting him all day, and the sexual frustration added to his existing anger towards Namjoon. He probably shouldn’t have snapped, but he was still so angry at the older man for meddling.

Ignoring him, you rubbed his back soothingly. You’d gotten a lot better about physical contact, and while he was grateful that you seemed to be moving past your trauma quite well, it really wasn’t helping. One consequence of the delayed heat seemed to be that the heat symptoms were coming on a lot faster and more intense, and he didn’t really trust himself around you anymore. Even your comforting touch was making heat coil in his belly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you suggested.

“I’m just mad at Namjoon-hyung, that’s all,” Taehyung explained sulkily. “I don’t know why you aren’t more upset with him. He literally told you to kill yourself.”

“Okay, first of all, no he didn’t,” you said firmly. “He just said that was the only way he’d found to break the imprint, and he told me explicitly not to do it.” You might not be pleased with Namjoon for what he’d said to you when you were in a fragile state, but still, you didn’t want Taehyung to get the wrong idea. Namjoon had meant well, after all, and besides, Taehyung still had to work with him, and they were brothers.

“Secondly, I was the one who sought him out and asked him. And you know he’s just looking out for you. You weren’t happy about the imprint either and he thought he was being helpful.”

“I guess,” Taehyung grunted. He hated how much sense you were making. He still wanted to be angry with Namjoon, especially since it was giving him another outlet for all the nervous, pent-up energy he had inside him.

“Besides, he gave you information when you asked for it, right? It would have been unfair for him to not tell me when I asked too.” Seeing him start to cave, you snuggled closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “I’m not saying you have to forgive him or anything. You’re allowed to feel how you want to feel. Just be a little more patient with him, okay? He was just trying to look out for you, and he made a mistake. It happens to all of us.”

With your scent in his head and your body pressed up against his, Taehyung lost all sense of reason as he turned his head, caught your chin in his hand, and kissed you. His lips were soft as they moved against yours, but you were completely frozen, your mind blanking at the unexpected kiss. It was only when Taehyung brought his other hand up to cradle your face as he started to deepen the kiss that you regained your senses, pushing him away by his shoulders.

You stared at each other for a second, neither of you sure of what to say. You were sure the shock was written across your face clearly, while Taehyung just looked slightly confused, his eyes still heavy-lidded. Then you could see the awareness trickle back into Taehyung’s gaze and his ears started turning red.

“Fuck!” he exploded, standing up. “Fuck, Y/n, I’m so sorry, I—” For a second longer, he just stood there, then he made an abrupt turn and ran out of the room.

Damn. You ran your fingers over your lower lip thoughtfully. You hadn’t been kissed for a long time – the Big Bang boys hadn’t been big on that – and it seemed you’d missed it. There’d been some initial anxiety when he kissed you, and your mind had short-circuited for a second, but right before you pushed him away… you’d started to enjoy it, just a little.

Huh.

----------------------------------

“Hey, Y/n?” Taehyung said suddenly, breaking the silence that the two of you had been stuck in since leaving the studio. That had been one of the most awkward car rides you’d ever experienced, but every time you wanted to say something, you looked over at Taehyung and his troubled frown stopped you. He really was awful at hiding his feelings.

You looked up from your dinner, happy that he was finally talking to you again. “Yeah?”

“Maybe it would be a good idea for you to go stay with Yoongi until my heat is over,” Taehyung said, fiddling with his stew and refusing to look up at you. He’d been castigating himself about what he’d allowed to happen ever since he left you behind in the recording booth, and feeling lower and lower the more he thought about it. This was the only way to make sure you were safe from him, he figured. He’d promised to protect you, and that included from himself.

You frowned. “But your heat isn’t here yet, is it?”

Some awkward throat-clearing and foot-shuffling later, he admitted, “It’s coming on really strong this time, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry about earlier, but I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again if you stay here.”

Here it was. You swallowed and put down your chopsticks, lining them up with your thumb on the edge to buy some time. You’d been thinking about this ever since he left, and you weren’t quite sure whether this was the right decision to make, but you wanted to anyway. Taehyung had been there for you every step of the way, not just throughout this whole year-long nightmare, but before that too, and remembering how amazing he’d been throughout it all, even though it had to have hurt him to know how much trouble you were having because of him made something flutter in your tummy.

“I don’t want to go.” Now that the words were out in the open, you looked up through your lashes, sneaking a peek at Taehyung’s reaction. Would he be happy? Excited? Turned on? The anticipation made your stomach clench.

“Y/n…” Taehyung sounded slightly irritated now, and that wasn’t what you’d been hoping for. “Thank you for your trust in my restraint, but please go. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want,” he begged.

“Maybe… I do want it,” you suggested. Your voice was barely a whisper and the words had come out so fast a normal human would never have been able to make it out, but you knew Taehyung would have no problem with that.

As he gaped helplessly at you, you felt a thrill of satisfaction. There it was, the reaction you’d been hoping for. “A-are you sure?” he asked, and you felt a pang of fondness for him. He was always doing his best to look out for you, even at his own expense. If anything, it made you more certain of your decision.

“I’m sure, Tae-oppa.” Then you realized that he might not be willing to do this with a human and quickly backtracked. “I mean, only if you want to too! If you don’t want to be with a human—”

“No,” Taehyung interrupted. “I do, I…” Emotion seemed to overwhelm him for a second, before he composed himself. “Do you know what you’re agreeing to?” he asked, just to be sure. He didn’t think he would be able to restrain himself if you were here with him during his heat.

You smiled at him and reached across the table to scratch his ears. “I do,” you told him with a soft smile, as his eyes closed in enjoyment. He’d always enjoyed this, you thought fondly, and he was so handsome like this, with his features relaxed. He’d spent a lot of time frowning in the past year.

“Thank you,” he whispered, and when he opened his eyes, you saw such profound gratefulness shining in them. You wondered if he saw the same thing in your gaze.

----------------------------------

Now that he had permission, it was like a switch had flipped in Taehyung. He insisted on helping you do the dishes that night, which was usual, but he decided that he absolutely had to stand shoulder to shoulder with you in front of the sink, helping you rinse the dishes and place them on the drying rack after you’d scrubbed them with dishwashing liquid. When you were done, he stood behind you as you rinsed your hands off and wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his nose in your hair.

When you went to bed with him, he snuggled up to you like he used to before everything happened, dragging his nose across the pulse point in your neck to scent you as he wrapped himself around you. It didn’t take you long to realise just how restrained he’d been in terms of physical contact, letting you initiate more often than not and only touching you casually and fleetingly when he did reach out to you.

Still, you could tell that he was holding himself back, not wanting to overwhelm you with the sheer extent of his heat-driven desire for you. In the mornings, though you could feel his boner pressing into your ass, he just rolled away when he woke up without you saying anything. Neither of you quite talked about the inevitability of his approaching heat and what it meant that you’d agreed to spend it with him, but the tension between you was thick enough to cut with a knife. Taehyung still tried his best to be respectful of your need for distance, though, keeping all physical contact – well, if not platonic, at least affectionate more than overtly sexual.

You could tell it was taking a toll on him, though, and now that you were aware and looking out for the signs, you wondered how it was that you’d been so oblivious last year when he’d been struggling through his preheat. You had to stop going to the studio with him because he was having a hard time focusing on anything when you were around and would often just stare at you instead, which had earned him a few questioning looks from the other boys.

Now that you’d agreed to spend his heat with him, Taehyung’s wolf was finally satisfied after over a year of being in conflict with his rational side, and it felt indescribably good, like puzzle pieces falling into place. He hadn’t even realized how agonizing it had been to hold himself apart from you, like trying to tear the two halves of his psyche apart. His wolf reveled in every touch, every flirtatious look and smile that you sent his way, puffing up proudly every time he saw you. It was a little embarrassing, since Taehyung knew that it was ridiculous to feel that way, but he couldn’t help it. Now that he didn’t have to fight the imprint, it settled into place in his chest warmly, making him feel like he could take on the world. For the first time in years, he actually found himself looking forward to his heat.

As his heat drew ever closer, Taehyung, ruled by his baser instincts, allowed himself to indulge in you. Casual cuddling on the couch while watching TV turned into lazy makeout sessions, which inevitably ended with him lying on top of you, your tongues sliding against each other lewdly while he tried his best not to grind against you. More than once, he’d had to excuse himself abruptly while you lay, dazed and flushed, on the couch, trying to recover and feeling bereft from the loss of his warmth.

This time, Taehyung was well-prepared for his heat, taking time off instead of going to work like a fool like he had last year, so when he woke up one morning and felt the familiar full-body ache that meant his heat was coming, he didn’t have to do anything but pull you closer to him. He knew you were awake from the sharp intake of breath you’d taken when you felt his erection rubbing against your ass, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel all that embarrassed about the way he was basically grinding against you.

“Y/n…” he groaned, his hands sliding up your shirt greedily to feel you up.

“Tae-oppa,” you gasped, and he made a noise low in his throat in response. He liked that, he decided. In his heat-addled state, he wasn’t capable of much complex thought, but he was definitely more than capable of making you scream his name.

However, your priorities were very different from Taehyung’s. As you gradually gained consciousness to Taehyung manhandling you, it occurred to you how nasty your breath was – and how bad his was as well, probably. Knowing that you might not have a chance to brush your teeth for hours if you let him start now, you tried your best to wriggle away from him to get to the bathroom.

“No,” he whined against your neck. “What are you doing?”

“I wanna brush my teeth,” you complained. Thankfully, his heat had just started and he hadn’t lost all sense of reason yet, so he let you go, though he was sulky when you turned back to look at him.

“Come on,” you coaxed with your hand out for him to take, rolling your eyes at his pouty expression. He looked just like a child that had had his favourite toy taken away. Still, he was pliant and obedient, and you even managed to convince him to brush his own teeth too.

“Do you want breakfast?” you asked as Taehyung was rinsing his mouth out. The bathroom door was open, and you were leaning against the wall right outside the door. He wasn’t very vocal this morning, but then he usually wasn’t a morning person anyway, so you didn’t think too much of it.

At your question, his entire demeanor changed. “No,” he growled. “I don’t want fucking breakfast.” He took the couple of steps to you, his long legs eating up the distance, then he was on you, pushing you back into the wall as his mouth descended on yours.

You’d been kissed like this only once before, a year ago during Taehyung’s last heat. He was ravenous, one hand cupping your cheek as his other gripped your hip urgently, sliding around your back to press you closer to him. As his tongue slid against your bottom lip, you let out a small moan as heat rushed through your lower belly. The sound only spurred him to deepen the kiss further. All those makeout sessions on the couch had nothing on this.

Taehyung’s urgency was contagious, and you hooked your fingers in his pajama pants to pull his hips closer to you, reveling in the feel of his erection prodding at your belly. He started grinding it against you, detaching his lips from yours to pant. “Fuck,” he gasped, shuddering. “You smell so fucking good.” Then his lips were back on yours again, his hand diving into your pants.

As much as you were enjoying this, you didn’t particularly want to be fucked against a wall, at least not for your first time. (You decided to put a pin in it to revisit later.) “Tae-oppa,” you gasped as his fingers ghosted over your clit through your panties. “We should go back to the bedroom.”

He pulled back, clearly displeased with the idea of any more delays, but couldn’t fault your logic, so he lifted you off the ground and carried you back to his room. The casual display of strength was more arousing than you could have imagined, and you felt the wetness slipping out of you as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

“Fuck,” Taehyung said again, gripping you more tightly. He couldn’t get back to the bed fast enough now, and one hand slid down to your ass to hold you close to him as he sped up.

Unwilling to part from you for even a second, he fell with you onto the bed, almost crushing you beneath his weight as he kissed you again, a filthy mess of lips and tongues that made both of you moan. He separated from you for just long enough to pull your camisole over your head, although you definitely heard it rip – not that you were overly concerned about it, however, when he was sliding his big hands over your body to grope your tits.

In retaliation, you stuck your hand down his pants. He wasn’t wearing underwear, which was very typical of him, and you smiled against his lips as you wrapped your hand around his dick and he shuddered in response. It felt so good to finally have a cock in your hand again, all warm and hard and throbbing.

Bracing his knees on the bed on either side of your hips, Taehyung lifted himself off you to tug your remaining clothes off, taking your panties and sweatpants in one fell swoop. You continued jerking him off almost lazily, looking up at him with half-lidded eyes.

With you now naked, the scent of your arousal permeated the air, driving Taehyung crazy. He had to have more of it, and it was that thought that guided him to shift so that he was between your legs, pushing them further apart to reveal your soft, wet pussy, all shiny from how turned on you were. It made his mouth water and his cock throb between his legs.

“Shit,” he breathed quietly, his eyes completely fixated on what lay between your legs. His unabashed scrutiny was starting to make you feel a little self-conscious, and you started to bring your legs together, but he stopped you with his hands on your inner thighs and a warning look.

“Tae-oppa,” you whined, throwing an arm over your eyes to hide. “Stop staring.”

“Okay,” he agreed absently. It wasn’t a difficult promise to make, he thought as he lowered his head. There was so much more he wanted to do to you.

The first swipe of his tongue across your slit had you shivering. “Fuck, you taste so good,” he groaned before he dove back in with gusto, using broad strokes of his tongue to scoop up all the juices leaking from you before circling your clit. He teased you with light, kittenish licks that you honestly wouldn’t have expected from someone clearly so wrecked, and he moaned like you were doing him a favour by letting him eat you out.

It was all too easy for him to build you up to the brink of orgasm, his heightened senses allowing him to take note of every sigh, whimper and moan that you emitted as he found all your best spots. With his fingers in you rubbing against your g-spot and his lips suckling on your clit, it wasn’t long before you were lifting your hips off the bed, thrashing as you came ever closer to the edge.

“Please, Tae, pleasepleaseplease—” you moaned, cutting yourself off with a choked cry as you felt the tension in your lower belly snap beautifully. You clenched hard on his fingers as you came, your slick dripping out of you and down his hand. When the waves of pleasure buffeting your entire system stopped, you opened your eyes and blinked at him lazily with a small smile.

Taehyung, on the other hand, stared down at you with intense bedroom eyes as he lifted his hand – the one that just been inside you – to his mouth and cleaned your juices off with his tongue, keeping eye contact the entire time. You couldn’t help but feel a frisson of arousal snake through your core again at the clear intent in his gaze.

“Tae…” you held your arms out for him invitingly, and he groaned as he bent to kiss you, one hand planted into the mattress next to your head for balance while he worked his way out of his pajama pants with the other. Too impatient to take them off fully, he left them bunched around his knees as he shuffled closer to you, stroking his erection with his hand.

“’m gonna fuck you now,” he mumbled against your lips as he lined the tip of his cock up with your folds. You held your breath in anticipation – despite everything that had happened, including your brief dalliance earlier this year, the two of you had never actually done this before. You found yourself tensing up as he started pushing his way into you, making him groan at the increased tightness and friction.

“Relax for me, love,” he mumbled, his breath washing against your temple. You whimpered, locking your arms and legs around him and clinging on for dear life. Slowly, biting your lip, you concentrated on doing what he said, and he huffed in pleasure as he sank further into you. You were wet enough that even though you were tight around him, it didn’t really burn, the stretch and fullness teetering on the edge between pleasure and pain.

“Good girl, such a good girl for me,” Taehyung praised, stopping to kiss you. Compared to what you were currently in the midst of, this kiss was gentle and chaste, intended to comfort you. It was somewhat surprising – based on what he’d told you and what you’d observed, you’d expected him to be out of control, unable to focus on anything other than his own pleasure. This considerate, gentle side of Taehyung wasn’t one you’d expected to see until the initial wave had subsided and he could think more coherently.

That wasn’t to say, of course, that you didn’t notice the strain this slow pace was taking on him – he was sucking marks almost viciously into your neck, his teeth catching on your skin almost threateningly, and his whole frame was wound so tight that he was almost trembling. You felt the tension in his shoulders and back, and you stroked his side soothingly, although from the way the muscles under your hand jumped, he didn’t appreciate the meaning behind the gesture.

When he finally bottomed out, you let out the breath you’d been holding as he groaned, holding himself painfully still. He could feel every ripple as you clenched and fidgeted under him, trying to get used to having him inside of you, and it was sorely testing his control. “Y/n, please,” he finally groaned. “Please stay still.”

Instead of doing as he said, you clenched as hard as you could around him, delighting in the shaky groan he let out as he dropped his head, his forehead brushing against your collarbone. “Fuck,” he huffed, reaching down to hook his arms behind your thighs and draping your legs over his shoulders. “I tried to be nice,” he grumbled as he pulled his hips back.

“Fuck being nice,” you purred as you hooked your arms around his neck, one hand finding its way into his hair.

That was the last straw, and all the impressive control Taehyung had been showing up till now shattered spectacularly as he started a brisk pace with his hips, folding you almost in half with his frame. You really didn’t have any clue just how much he was holding back until he stopped, but you couldn’t bring yourself to regret it as he plowed into you with everything he had.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he huffed, his breath making the baby hairs by your temple flutter. The bedsprings were creaking and the headboard thumping against the wall, but neither of you could bring yourself to care. All of Taehyung’s energy was being channeled into fucking you as hard and as fast as he could, his mind solely focused on the race to the finish. He was going to fill you up so good, you’d be dripping with his cum for days, finally getting those vile human men’s scent out of you…

The thought was endlessly titillating to him, and when he looked down to where you were joined, putting a visual image to the filthy thoughts swirling in his head, he bared his teeth in a snarl. The sight of his cock splitting you in half, shiny from your juices was almost too much for him, but he couldn’t look away.

Taehyung had never looked more like an animal than he did right now, completely focused on fucking your brains out, but instead of being afraid, his fucked out expression sent a shiver through you – the good kind, of course. You wanted to cum with him, but in his current state, he wasn’t focusing on your pleasure, so you snuck a hand between your joined bodies to rub at your clit.

As close as he was to orgasm, the sight of you pleasuring yourself filled him with irrational fury. His wolf howled, demanding that he take care of his mate, and completely under its sway now, he batted your hand away with a growl. “You’re mine,” he snapped as he took over, rubbing your clit with the rough pad of his thumb.

“Cum with me,” he groaned into your ear before he kissed you. He was too far gone to do it properly, of course, basically just pressing his open mouth against yours in a filthy imitation of a kiss, but he still managed to retain the presence of mind to tilt his hips slightly to adjust the angle with which he was pounding into you so that he could brush against your g-spot. The increased stimulation made you wail as you tried your best to move with him despite your limited leverage.

“Fuck, Taehyung,” you huffed, trying to warn him as your hips jerked slightly, pressing your clit harder against his thumb to get that little bit more that you needed to cum. And then it was happening, your mind blanking out as you squeezed his cock tightly, clenching rhythmically as you worked through the waves of your orgasm.

As he heard and felt you cum around him, Taehyung groaned like he was dying and redoubled his efforts, his hips now basically a blur with how fast and hard he was thrusting into you. “Fuck, Y/n, yes,” he groaned breathlessly as he finally came, pushing himself as deep as he could and grinding against you for that extra bit of friction to make his orgasm last just a little longer.

When it was over, he slumped down over your body, letting go of your legs so that you could wriggle them out from under him to wrap them around his hips, a far more comfortable position for you. He felt boneless, so utterly satisfied that he would never need anything again, although he knew that was definitely not true. In about ten minutes, he’d be ready to go again.

For now, though, he was happy to just fuss over you, nuzzling into your cheek and brushing your sweaty, matted hair away from your face. “You’re so pretty,” he sighed blissfully, bracing himself over you with his elbows as he leaned down to kiss you. The urgency was temporarily gone now, and he traded soft, slow kisses with you, feeling so happy his heart could burst.

“I love you,” he blurted out unintentionally, and your eyes widened in surprise. He didn’t know where it had come from either, but now that it was out there, he realized that he meant it. No one had ever made him feel so good – not just physically, of course, but so at peace with the world. When he was with you, everything felt so right, so perfect, like you’d been made for him and he’d been made for you. If that wasn’t love, what was?

You raised your hand to cup his face, brushing your thumb across his lips. The way he looked at you, searching, hopeful, made your heart clench. Taehyung always made you feel so safe, so protected, like nothing could ever touch you. Being with him felt like being free from the difficulties of life that lay outside his bubble of protection. If that wasn’t love, what was?

Smiling back at him, you told him, “I love you too.”

[spock-smokes-weed]

Just finished Tim’s story and here are my thoughts.

I really don’t like that they’re sticking with Tim as a genius tec wiz. It feels wrong. Especially making him better at it than Babs :/. I hope it gets dropped in the future because it’s grating and wasn’t one of the things that made Tim so good in the first place.

It also felt too short and suffers a little because of that. But I think like with Robin Eternal, the over all story will be better once we have all the parts.

But the parts I really liked was his banter and convo with Babs!!! It was cute seeing them interact again!!! I really miss the dynamic they had and it was nice to see it again!!!!

I think Fitzmartin has a pretty good grasp on Tim’s characterization and it’s only gotten stronger the more she writes for him. I think she really gets his very detective way of thinking, but also how unpolished and dorky he can be. Also his “if I talk about my feelings I’ll die” attitude.

This issue was also SO FRUITY

Like not even subtle level of fruitiness 

This part stuck out to me the most. Tim saying he’s figuring stuff out while zoomed in on (what looks like) a pair of boyfriends. So much is how this story was written felt like Tim trying to accept that he was queer (hopefully bi 👀) and his whole thing with Bernard was just wnsjsndjsnmdf the homo levels were off the charts

Like idk if DC would ever go through with it but the pieces are certainly there.

My over all thoughts are that it was good!!! Not great but a lot more polished than Robin Eternal was. Fitzmartin is still a pretty green writer so I think it’ll take her time to find her footing, but I think she’s starting to get it!!! There were a lot of limitations placed on her with RE and this book; there is only so much you can do with the amount of pages these books have. I’m excited for the next issue!!!!

[mikeana]

Drunk Hawks Headcanons

Got inspired by @kidhawks’s adorable birthday bird art and ended up writing all of this.

So alcohol... obviously isn't good for birds. Alcohol is also not good for Hawkses, as Hawks is kind of a lightweight drinker. It doesn't take too much for him to get inebriated, and as a result, Hawks actively avoids drinking - especially when other people are around.

Despite not really drinking much, Hawks does have a small, but noteworthy collection of different bottles at his apartment - all gifts from others, mind you. He’s decided that he won’t open any of them up until he’s made his dream of “a world where heroes have more free time” a reality. Actually, he’s quite looking forward to it. He’ll finally be able to relax, not having to constantly keep his guard up...

When Hawks does get drunk however... he’s a mixed bag. He’s generally a loud and happy drunk (call it unconsciously rekindling his hurried youth, but he can act fairly childish when inebriated), but every now and then his loud stupor will be interrupted by moments of prolonged silence when he’ll start to disassociate. And, if he’s reminded from something of his past or anything else he really doesn’t want to think about, he’ll go completely mute, not talking to anyone until the subject is either changed or he ends up distracted enough to bring back happy stupid-mode drunk Hawks.

One thing Hawks has a really hard time with while drunk is keeping up any of his public facades (another reason why he avoids drinking in public). And so... he doesn’t. The alcohol strips any masks away, until all that’s left is for Hawks’ genuine self. Drunk Hawks is possibly the realist Hawks you can get. It also just might be the stupidest.

Hawks’ avian traits tends to go wild while he’s drunk. He’ll unconsciously act very birb-ish (head tilting when he’s confused, gesturing with his wings (which become extra expressive), occasionally focusing on random things with his Piercing Hawk Stare), etc.). His wings (which are generally all over the place) are in a permanent state of floof.

His wings. THEY CANNOT BE CONTAINED. When drunk, Hawks forgets just how big his wings are, and they’ll end up splayed across the floor (where people trip over them). Sometimes he’ll unconsciously flap them too while they’re all spread out-like (hitting others in the back of the head). If you’re drinking with him, expect feathers in your face... and in your drink.

For the record, Hawks’ telekinetic control over his feathers while drunk is shaky at best (in the sense that the feathers don’t want to go exactly where he tells them to / jeering off a little to the right or left - they’ll tend to move faster than he wants them to too). Just another reason he avoids drinking.

Do not let Hawks fly while drunk. Even if he insists it’s ok, or not that big of deal - don't. Just don’t. The little bird can’t fly straight to save his life.

If you’re getting him drunk to get classified information out of him... good luck. While Hawks doesn’t have much of a filter when drunk, any information that he knows he isn’t supposed to share? It’s as if it’s locked in his head. Obviously how loose his tongue is corresponds with his inebriation level, but even when completely wasted he won’t share anything he’s not supposed to. It’s not even that much of a conscious effort either - he’ll just slip into telling embarrassing stories about himself, or become distracted by something shiny in the background. Basically, he’ll do / give you anything except what you’re specifically asking for... to the point that trying to interrogate him while drunk causes more frustration than it’s worth.

Hawks’ First Time Drunk:

While he’d always been a little curious about alcohol - he remembered his parents really liked it a lot, and then the HPSC told him he shouldn’t drink, which of course meant to a teenage Hawks that he absolutely had to at some point - he could never actually go through with it (not even when he stole a super expensive bottle of sake from the HPSC President’s office at 17). Every time he’d put any sort of alcohol to his lips, he’d immediately put it down, the little voice of previous trainers warning him that he needed to keep a level head, and be aware at all times - and did he really want to be like his parents?

Hawks’ first (and only) time drunk was an accident. It happened at one of the first big hero galas he was invited to - just a few months after his debut (he was already making a pretty big name for himself). At 18 years old (everyone else was 20+) Hawks only had 2 goals - network, and raid the fancy buffet. Unfortunately during the event, someone who didn’t realize there was anyone underage in attendance offered him a colorful fruity drink which Hawks - not thinking much of it except for the fact that it was pretty tasty with an interesting flavor and cool kick - drank.

Thankfully, nothing too bad happened. He got pretty loud and chatty with some of the people he was trying to network with - there were a few heroes who snickered at the young blood who had obviously had a bit too much - but thankfully there was a Jeanist there who noticed his state, pieced together what happened, and took him home before he publicly made a fool of himself.

Best Jeanist explained everything to a very confused, but sober Hawks the next morning, whose memories were a little fuzzy. Consequently, that was the moment that any curiosity Hawks had in drinking was instantly crushed, as not being fully aware of what was happening terrified him in retrospect. As for Jeanist? He never brought up that incident again. It’s one thing Hawks is eternally grateful for.

He didn’t realize it until about a week later, but one of the heroes Hawks chatted to (albeit, only for like a few seconds until he walked away), was Endeavor. It was the first time he talked to Endeavor since his debut, and it happened while he was drunk. Hawks proceeded to die of retrospective embarrassment in that moment of realization. Endeavor, on the other hand, didn’t think much of the encounter. He was too busy trying to leave the event at the time and didn't consider Hawks again until the following spring’s Hero Billboard Chart, where he finally matched his face to the name of the 18 year old that somehow managed to break into the top 10.

Hawks didn’t drink again until his 20th birthday, when his sidekicks pressured him into drinking a single can of beer to celebrate. He’s had a couple more drinks since then while alone (he can count the number he’s had on one hand), but he always keeps it to one glass, if not half. Never enough to get drunk.

[empressxmachina]

Sideline - “iv.”

“Uh, h-hi, Jake.”

Just by looking at each other, they both knew the same opinion was going through their heads:

‘This was fucking weird.’

Despite that, neither of them lost sense of their humanities, and Madi didn’t appear physically hurt as a cherry on top. They solely changed sizes comparatively and nothing else, as far as they could tell. But for the smaller half of the pair to get even tinier at such a large scale was ridiculous, more than either of them ever imagined. Nevertheless, they tried to keep it together for both of their sakes.

Jake slowly continued to unravel Madi from her textile prison, eventually smoothly transferring her from fabric to flesh and feeling her skin and scarily little weight on his palm. The visual of his long fingers towering above and able to curl over her was also quite nauseating. But chundering by a friend, especially one as close to him as her (in every sense), would not be a good look.

For this to happen to someone as sweet as her and it being possible at all just made him sick and confused.

“Holy shit, Madi,” he breathed, blowing her hair back with his voice. For once in his life, he was glad to have chosen water over a soda earlier. Even if it wasn’t the same kind – the one Madi had wasn’t a favorite of his from the get-go – spreading anything across her that would drill this in her more than it already had would’ve shot his already high guilt and pity further into the sky. “How in the fuck—?”

“Ugh, do I really need to explain this again!?” Madi exploded, now second-guessing her assumptions of Jake’s intelligence. Perhaps he was more the jock stereotype than she thought with the flinching and look of astonishment by which he reacted to her, both of which shaking her as well. “What part of ‘A fucking soda did this to me’ did you not understand? If you didn’t get that, then why in fuck did you pull that shit? Did you really just want to get it off me? Did you think you’d get me off by getting it off me? Did you make me wet to get YOU off!?”

“Jesus Christ, Madeline. Chill,” Jake shushed her in a fruity voice, putting his snake-like finger up to his mouth before bringing it close to hers – his fingertip eclipsing her entire head. “I know the fucking soda did this to you; I want to know why. What kind of chemical makes people shrink and shit?” Madi couldn’t help cringing, curling into herself, having overreacted for no reason. However, her cowering soon became a cover for the blushes that Jake then caused to appear. “As for the, uh, ‘getting off,’ you’d have to be some kind of freak to get off to a doll or, I guess, being a doll, in your case. Though I’ve got to say, you are pretty adorable, Mads.”

“Please, no,” she pleaded, slumping her shoulders with her face still in hiding, knowing that her smallness was now a large part of her, despite how much she wanted it to be otherwise. “I know I probably don’t look so human, but I’d still like to be treated like one, ass wipe.”

“‘Look’ is just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not the biochemist here, but I think I know enough science to know that you shouldn’t even be functioning fully: talking, hearing, seeing, and all of that good shit.” Jake brought his Madi-holding hand closer to himself as he extended his syllables and examined her in astonishment. “What. The. Fuck?”

Meanwhile, Madi instinctively scooted further and further into the flesh wall Jake’s fingers made behind her, even though she couldn’t go anywhere else without falling to her demise and knew it, too. The thought of being overtaken by his battering ram nose or brushed by his enviable eyelashes without him even trying was just too much for the little lass.

“Yeah, uh, could you, like, not with that? ” she attempted, nearly meeting the stubble surrounding Jake’s lips and chin before he looked down at her, noticed her apprehension, and backed off, bringing her to a somewhat distant, somewhat calming eye level. “Thank you. Being comparatively short to most people in normal life was hard enough, even though I was supposedly average on charts. The last thing I need now is a close-up, okay?”

“Right. Sorry,” Jake apologized, even noting to talk more sotto voce.

Just because she wasn’t flinching at his volume for whatever reason, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t still loud. Sure, the packed stadiums and arenas for games and competitions with their high volumes probably set a standard for her, but Jake knew that this could’ve been another type of noise, and then one could add all the nonsense the body does on its own to make it even louder and more detailed. He wondered how much she could hear and see now.

“It just makes no sense how you’re like this,” he reinforced. “You’re fucking minuscule.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Madi scoffed back, also lowering her own voice but still audible to the relative giant’s ears. “I think that’s been stated enough.” Her tough outer shell hid how hard the truth just kept hitting her. Seeing nearly all her curled-up frame in her reflection in Jake’s eyes was almost vomit-inducing, especially when he rolled them in response to her sass.

“Yeah, but do you really know how tiny you are? Do you know what could happen to you like this or what could’ve happened? Hell, I don’t even know how that fucking phone of yours called me,” he said, lightly nudging it out of Madi’s grasp onto his palm next to her, somehow also muting it in the process. “I can barely see the thing. I could barely see you by that can. But I did, so everything’s pretty much going in your favor so far, huh?”

“How about no? I’m still like this, and it’s not like I didn’t already have enough stress going on in my life.”

“Well, I’m sure there’s a way to fix this, probably one as quick and obtainable as whatever in that drink caused this. We need to get you out of here, first.”

“And, exactly how did you plan on doing that?” Madi pondered aloud, noticing how Jake had nothing with him, aside from his clothes.

“Oh, uh, er—” Jake struggled to come up with an answer as Madi’s scenario hadn’t been a possibility that he had or would’ve considered. Since these were the cards he was dealt, he wasn’t sure what to do with them. “Shit, what are we going to do?”

“‘We?’ Why are you asking me? Jake, you know I can’t do anything! Look at me!”

“Don’t blame me for that! This is a two-way street, and you could’ve fucking warned me about this!”

“Are you saying that you would’ve believed that a fucking soda fucking shrunk me to…” Madi paused to estimate her new size. Through all the time she had had to adjust to it, figuring a number for it never came to mind. However, remembering how much of a mountain Jake was to most people, she soon realized that basing her little length on his large one was futile. “…whatever size I am now? You barely believed that I was here full-sized when you walked in! What the fuck would you have done differently!?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe brought a fucking bag or some shit?” Jake countered. “You didn’t need to open the fucking soda, Madi!”

“Are you blaming me for this!?” Madi shrieked, not wanting more negativity placed on herself. She ran her hands through her hair before setting them on her face and continuing, muffled, “What did I do to deserve this!?”

“This wouldn’t have happened, otherwise, would it!?” Jake barked back before immediately regretting what he said – it made evident by his elongated face and Madi’s trembling. “No, I-I didn’t mean that. Well, I kind of did but not to hurt you. This… This is just crazy, alright? I don’t even get why a recalled drink was even still available to you so late in the game, literally.” He then attempted to console her, curling his free hand directly behind her back as an assuring gesture, mostly because he was sure anything else would damage her. “I know you did nothing wrong. This probably could’ve happened to anyone, and don’t you worry. This will pass, and, just like you wanted, I’ve got you.”

Although she was unsure of whether or not that was meant to be an apology, Madi pulled her hands away at his sweet remarks, and for the first time since they had first met, she saw Jake with not only beauty but also novel capability. He hadn’t been so profound with her since their one class together way back when. Any overshadowing thoughts she had about him being a typical jock went right out the window, and she had never felt more blessed to have a friend.

However, she wasn’t as appreciative of his following comments, and the smile that shined on her face soon vanished.

“But, really, how do you want to do this?” Jake inquired. “I ask because I, uh…” He paused with a groan, not sure how to explain himself without making their scenario any more dramatic than it already was. “…I have one idea, but I think any of yours would probably be better.”

Madi, having watched him remove the hand behind her and slide it down from his nose to his chin, sensed that his something, whatever it was, might be bothering him but couldn’t tell why or be sure. Yet, knowing that the time without being noticed by nasty Nash outsiders was running out, she just went with it.

“Okay?” she accepted cautiously. “Well, I really don’t want people to know about this, so the safer and more hidden I am, the better.”

Jake attempted to hide his discomfort with her answer. His idea had technically aligned with her wants, but he had this feeling that she was not going to like it one bit.

“Alright,” he could only sheepishly respond. “Well, um, you’re the science major, so you, er, go on and figure out what’s best for you, whatever you want to do.”

“Sure.” Her reply was positive, and now she was just as positive that Jake had not only a bother but a problem. Another big problem within her oversized insanity; how wonderful. But rather than letting it boil over, she let it simmer in her subconscious, followed his suggestion, and began thinking of places to hide with him.

It took an uncomfortably short period to realize hiding with him more so meant hiding on him. Madi managed to keep a cringe inside and prayed Jake’s notion had nothing to do with that via some trap card out of his ass. Still, despite her ingenuity, she couldn’t think of one, and, like with all those math proofs from last year, she could only work with what she was given. In any other circumstance, having Jackson Averill at her will would be a dream, but the fairy-like femme floated in a nightmare… or purgatory… whichever was worse.

No possible, present view gave Madi a full vision of what or, more validly, who to plan from. He was so much to take in at once, so she asked to better see it all.

“Um,” she beckoned, “can I check out the vehicle provided for me?”

Initially, Jake didn’t catch her drift, but it didn’t take him long to click and nearly blush at her wording. It wouldn’t be the first time she called him a ride, and while this was something else, her maintained humor was a relief.

He gave her in return a prying smirk as if to ask ‘How?’, and all Madi had to do back was a couple of motions for him to become a model. She fluttered her hands his way to get him to back up, stopping when he reached the end of their row of benches. A lowering motion then directed him to set her down on said end bench. Words couldn’t describe her gratitude in knowing that if her voice or any tiny sounds she made went inaudible to his ears or any normal-sized ones were too much for her, then they would still be able to communicate somewhat.

If he stayed alert for her. God forbid him from getting distracted.

As she shook that fear out of existence, and once she and her things were gently set onto the hard surface, Jake gave her a bit more space and took a few more steps backward so that she could see him all at once. With her new perspective, really trying to not depress herself over her lack of creaking and noticeable shadow on contact, her primal instincts kicked in, unable to handle the visage of an Adonis in front of her.

Like his facial features, the years of football and weight training had done wonders for his physique. While Madi had already seen sides of him that only a few were blessed enough to observe, seeing their outlines and envisioning them bare and visible at this scale gave her chills.

Madi gestured for Jake to spin around to check if he genuinely had no pockets. Upon one rotation, especially with his phone snapped to his pelvis under his waistband, she sadly confirmed her hypothesis with a sigh – a bitter contrast to the gasp she gave to the sight of his global glutes. He truly lived up to his tight end position in and out of sports, and Madi would need a thesaurus made for a postdoc to describe his front side. The things his body had done to hers were incomparable to present possibilities, and she didn’t know how to feel.

Little did she know that Jake was pondering the same thing.

When the giant jock came back around from his turn, rather than seeing an inquisitive Madeline, he found a disgruntled one instead, and the smug look on his face fell off. Jake could only figure that her suspicions had finally meshed with his, and thus he slowly crept up and knelt on one knee before her to not frighten her even more.

“Have you come up with anything?” he asked timidly, resting his forearms on his level thigh.

“Only if your teammates aren’t as rowdy on a bus ride as they are on the field,” Madi remarked, looking up at him in bittersweet wonder, knowing fully well that if someone shook him around while she was on his person, then she’d be in deep shit. “What chance do I have of getting back to Kingston alive if I went under your hat or by your collar or something?”

“Uh, well, if we had lost tonight, I’d guess 75% or so?” Jake calculated, rubbing his chin in thought. “No one would probably want to talk about it, and they’d keep to themselves unless Coach decided to bag on everyone, which would only get them even more in their feelings.”

But they didn’t lose. If Madi hadn’t been following the score while caring for Cari, the Knights’ sore losers’ chaos she ran through that erupted afterward was enough of a tell on its own, and the look on Jake’s face made her brace for the celebratory yikes that was likely the Royals on their side.

“But the bus was lit as all fuck when I left it,” Jake continued, “and I can already envision Coach or Big Q tousling my hair or Chad going in for a chest bump once I get back. Hell, he gave me three on the field after my scoring play alone, so, uh, I’d rather not risk it.”

“Well, fuck!” Madi cursed herself, kicking her bag off her ledge in anger. Luckily, Jake was watching her every move intently and moved quickly enough to catch it. Otherwise, they both would’ve most likely forgotten it there for some soul to find, trash, or worse. He was even kind enough to carefully put her fallen clothes and phone in it for her, feeling less like storing doll accessories and more like spice sprinkling than his liking. Madi, meanwhile, was fuming too much to notice. “You might as well give me your idea, then,” she succumbed. “We don’t have much time for much else.”

“You know this could’ve been a lot easier on both of us if you had just let me bring backup,” Jake reminded her, setting her bag back down next to her and hoping to God that she’d just let him call someone for help.

“Don’t try to diverge from this by bringing up something you had control over – still have control over,” she countered, crossing her arms and cocking her head to the side. As sweet as his situational submission of silence was, she couldn’t physically stop him from doing anything if she tried. Not that she could before, but she definitely couldn’t now. “I saw you fumbling with yourself about something, and if it’s about this, then it can’t be much worse than what I’m already going through, right? Just lay it on me, dude.”

Jake sighed at her relentlessness, recognizing that she still had so much force, so much determination, even with such diminutive dimensions. She had moxie, and he liked that. He liked it so much that he was willing to put her wishes over his own and keep her new look a secret, for now, despite how dumb doing so actually was.

“Can you just promise me to not say anything until I explain it fully?” Jake hoped with a defensive slump and scrunching face. “It’ll make sense with the backstory… probably.”

If one could even call it that, his preface wasn’t much, and the time to ponder it was slim to none. But Madi hadn’t yet a reason to not trust his judgment – the calamity with the cleaners was questionable but not totally repulsive – thus, she shrugged, expressing her tolerance.

Like her with him previously, Jake knew that he wasn’t going to get better out of her, and so he began. “Okay. I have an idea, and, frankly, it’s some divine intervention or some bullshit how this shit with you had to happen on the one day I decided to be a stylish bastard.”

[n-komas]

Dear User, Thank you for waiting! We have found your perfect match! You’ve been paired with...

Koushi Sugawara!

sweet angel boy )-:

your #1 supporter hands-down

he praises your artwork like no tomorrow

even the ones you know aren’t the best

also setter twins <3

100% always down to help you practice + vice versa

he also likes to take you to karasuno practices as well and have mini practice matches with the team

the other karasuno boys respect you a lot as well

they always joke that you should dress up as suga instead and come to their matches to play for him instead

no but actually, he loves that you guys have that in common bc volleyball is so so important to him and it’s equally important to you as well

and since you play the same position you can relate to each other’s struggles and frustrations

OOO BUT BAKING !!!! IS A MUST

8/10 times you guys hang out, it ends in baking

some hits playlist playing in the back for noise

but so much genuine happiness and laughter coming from the both of you

you take baking together as a form of intimacy

a lot of secrets come out from the both of you when you’re baking

the atmosphere is perfect

it’s upbeat, friendly, calm, even if your secret is absolute chaos, the ambiance just makes everything feel leveled, so it’s your favorite time to share your innermost thoughts

probably a lot of cake baking. i see pastries and other things, but i see a lot of fruity cakes

anyways koushi was thrilled to find out you’re learning to play the ukulele

dunno if you were aware or not, but you will absolutely become his personal live performer

he makes you play for him when he’s sad, upset, or frustrated

even if it still sounds a bit off bc you’re not 100% ready yet

just you & your efforts is enough to calm him

he pretends to judge you for reading fanfics

but he secretly really loves hearing about them

he tried reading some on his own, but it felt weird to him

so he just makes you describe what you read in Great Detail

OH but anyways your sleepovers are Mwah~

so much fun

gaming of any sort all night

sometimes he sleeps over and you guys don’t even really talk, you’re just both in the same room on your own switches playing acnh

visiting each other’s island T^T

but not only that, he buys you the just dance games every year so that you guys can play w new songs at the sleepovers

a couple hours of him absolutely dominating at the game and beating you every single time

he’s literally so good at it for no reason whatsoever

sometimes though, very rarely, board games will be brought out

lots of anger and revenge plots

but all in good spirit <3

HE’D CO-PARENT A PLANT W YOU FOR SURE

on one of your target runs together, you saw this beautiful succulent and you wanted to regrow one on your own

so you cut a piece off to replant, and koushi had the idea of leaving it somewhere where you could both access it pretty easily so you could both take care of it

it’s in your backyard, which technically is easily for him to access

your parents and other friends know and love him, so it’d be a surprise to no one to just see him chilling in your backyard

cottagecore/angelcore would be so cute paired w him </3

i think that outside of school, sugawara would have a softer look, but not exactly softboy level

brighter pastel colors with 80s streetwear, i think

double soft themes, i think it’s a win

sometimes your outfits end up having matching color schemes and everyone in public thinks it’s a couple thing & that you meant to match

a lot of people mistake him as your boyfriend

you don’t really mind though

it’s not that you have feelings for him like that, but he makes you feel protected a lot, and you’d be honored for people to think that you were the one who won his heart

he’s had to pretend to be your boyfriend on multiple occasions

to scare away creeps, but also to get discounts

he once fake proposed to you at a restaurant JUST to get free dessert

was worth it though it was insanely good

plus it was hilarious to see how the people around you acted

BUT SOMEONE STARTED CRYING BC THEY WERE SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO AND IT MADE YOU FEEL SO BAD

A N Y W A Y S

koushi supports your interests to the fullest!

he had you read & explain his chart to him and he was genuinely blown away

you got him hooked on astrology

he sends you astrology posts on instagram (from the good acts don’t worry) at 2am

“lol me”

studio ghibli marathons <3

when they do special anniversary movie screenings for ghibli movies, koushi literally buys the tickets IMMEDIATELY without even telling you

you are going together and that’s the end of it

sugawara being the angel he is, he would offer to do the dishes for you whenever he’s over

he knows you hate it and he really doesnt mind bc its for his best bffie </3

suga also likes that youre really opinionated

it just ensures that youre a genuine person and honest with your feelings

on days when you’re a bit more moody than usual, koushi tries to give you space

he doesnt want to accidentally get you upset and have you snap at him

but he still sends you little texts to remind you that he loves you and to eat all three meals + drink water

he’s happy he gets to be his most genuine self around you and knows you do the same

Thank you for working with us! We hope you found satisfaction with your newfound bestie~ Honorary applicants we considered for the role were: KEIJI AKAASHI & TADASHI YAMAGUCHI. Thank you again for your time & we hope you enjoy your future lifelong friendship!~ Thank you for requesting!

for @dancing-in-the-rain54​ ♡

[johaerys-writes]

I’m prompting you with this entire Emily Dickinson poem for Tristan and Dorian. :) Wild Nights – Wild Nights! Were I with thee Wild Nights should be Our luxury! Futile – the winds – To a heart in port – Done with the compass – Done with the chart! Rowing in Eden – Ah, the sea! Might I moor – Tonight – In thee!

Thanks so much for this prompt, babe! For @dadrunkwriting :)

The sounds of music, conversation and the clinking of cups as they met in merry toasts drifted through the tavern. The upper floor of the Herald’s rest had been entirely reserved for the Inquisitor and his inner circle to celebrate his triumphant return from the Emerald Graves. The Inner Circle was there. The Inquisitor wasn’t. 

Sitting by the low table, Dorian took a generous sip of his wine and winced. Whatever passed for wine in this part of the world was nobody’s business. He took another sip, just for good measure, and winced again. He was wondering whether drinking enough of the stuff would temporarily make him forget his sense of taste, when he was startled by a hand clapping him hard on the shoulder. 

“Why’re you wrinkling that nose of yours?” Sera said, plopping on the chair next to him. She leaned forward, sniffing the contents of his cup, then proceeding to make a disgusted grimace. “Did something die in there?”

“I think so, yes.” He swirled the wine in the cup a few times, then placed it on the table. “It appears you have a keen nose for wine.”

“Never liked the stuff. Ale’s better.”

“Ah.” He stayed silent, eyes drifting towards the door. What in the Void was taking Trevelyan so long?

“Oi.” Sera’s face, when it blocked his vision, wore a curious, perplexed frown. “What’s with the puppy eyes?”

Dorian huffed, folding his arms before his chest. “Sera, I’ve told you time and time again. These are no puppy eyes. This is what it looks like when people think. You should try it sometime.”

She blinked, leaning closer. A toothy grin widened her lips. “Miss your boyfriend?”

“My b- would you stop it with all the questions?” he hissed, swatting her away. “Preposterous. Wherever you get those ideas, I’ll never know. Now , if you’ll excuse me, I must-“

He was ready to stand up and go to the bar and demand a decent drink, when the door swung open, and the cheers that rose from the people gathered in the tavern were nigh on deafening. 

Dorian’s breath hitched as he watched Trevelyan make his way through the tables downstairs, giving reserved nods and half smiles to the people holding their cups up, shouting greetings and praises as he passed. 

He hopped up the steps to the upper level two at a time, his pale blonde waves bouncing before his face with his movements. His cheeks were flushed when he reached the stair landing and glanced about him. His eyes met Dorian’s, and he smiled. A warm, slow spreading smile. Dorian gulped. 

“There he is! The man of the hour,” Bull said, standing up. “Good to see you, Boss.”

“Likewise.” Trevelyan took the cup that was offered to him, glancing at Dorian over its rim as he drank. He sauntered over to the seat next to him, snaking a hand around his waist as he sat. “Did I miss anything?”

Dorian blinked at him. “Have you been drinking?”

“Had a meeting with some nobles from Orlais. There was wine.” He sipped some more of whatever swill Bull had given him, wincing as he swallowed. “But this is better.” He leaned closer, sighing as he nuzzled Dorian’s ear. “You smell good.” 

Dorian’s skin prickled with his touch, a shiver running down his spine. He noticed a few eyes straying to their direction and he cleared his throat, reluctantly edging back to look at him. Trevelyan’s eyes glinted oddly in the light from the torches, the lingering scent of fruity wine on his breath. Dorian swallowed thickly, trying to keep his voice level. “Thank you. So do you.”

Trevelyan smiled cheekily at him as he took another draught from his cup, fingers skimming the small of Dorian’s back before he stood up again to speak with Leliana. That dratted tease of a man. 

Sip after sip, cup after cup, and soon everyone in that room was floating along different levels of inebriation. Josephine was clapping excitedly as Bull and Krem were perched atop a table, singing a bawdy tavern song, while Varric and Cullen had stopped their game of Wicked Grace to join them. 

Bull and Krem’s song drew to a close amongst thunderous claps and jeers. Bull’s laughter was loud and booming echoed when he stepped down, slinging an enormous arm over Trevelyan’s shoulder. “Who wants to hear a word from the Inquisitor?” 

Everyone stomped their feet, laughing and cheering. Bull nudged Trevelyan towards the table, who brought no resistance -for once in his life. He was swaying slightly on his feet when he stood upon the table and cleared his throat.

“Shit,” Sera whispered in Dorian’s ear. “Is he going to sing? That oughta be good.” 

“No.” Dorian’s smile was hidden behind the rim of his mug. “No, he won’t.” 

Sera looked at him questioningly, but before she could say anything else, Trevelyan’s voice cut through the silence that had spread over the company. 

“I would to heaven that I were so much clay, As I am blood, bone, marrow, passion, feeling- Because at least the past were passed away- And for the future- (but I recite this reeling, Having got drunk exceedingly today, So that I seem to stand upon the ceiling) I say- the future is a serious matter- And so - for the Maker’s sake- whisky and ice cold water!” 

More cheers, claps, and the sound of mugs banging against the table erupted from the crowd as Trevelyan bowed dramatically and hopped off the table, landing on his feet like a cat, staggering only a hair. He made as if to return to his chair next to Dorian, when Varric shouted “More! More!” 

Trevelyan shook his head, laughing, but more and more took up the chant. He turned to look at Dorian, who was watching him carefully, silently. Waiting. A playful smirk curled the edges of his lips as he covered the distance between them, falling on one knee before him. 

“Wild Nights,” Trevelyan started, and silence fell in the room once again, “Wild Nights! Were I with thee, Wild Nights should be our luxury. Futile - the winds - To a heart in port - Done with the compass - Done with chart! Rowing in Eden - Ah, the sea! Might I moor - Tonight… in thee.” The scoundrel had the audacity to wiggle his eyebrows at him. 

Dorian’s heart beat madly against his ribcage, making his head swim. He could feel all eyes on them, waiting for his reaction. Trevelyan was watching him, too, that tiny dimple at the corner of his mouth more pronounced than ever. Dorian couldn’t remember the last time he had seen him so… jovial. So carefree. He let his eyes glide over Trevelyan’s features, and so rosy was the flush in cheeks, so wide his smile, so bright the glint in his dark blue eyes, that suddenly Dorian couldn’t care less who was to see. 

He reached out, gently cupping Trevelyan’s cheek. His lover’s gaze softened as he leaned into his touch, brushing his lips over his palm. Lips soft like flower petals, the tiny bristles of day old stubble caressing his skin. His beautiful, drunk, exquisite man. 

Without a word, Trevelyan stood up, pulling Dorian into his arms. The raucous of cheers and applause around them was deafening when Trevelyan’s lips closed over his, arms wrapping around his waist. He tasted of wine and that terrible swill Bull had given him, and Dorian lapped at it eagerly, uncovering the sweet, earthy taste of him. 

He was dangerously short of breath when Trevelyan drew back to look at him, thumb brushing his cheek. “So… is that a yes on the mooring thing?” 

Dorian laughed against his lips, pulling him flush against him, oblivious to everyone and everything that wasn’t them. “Festis bei umo canavarum.“ 

*********************

Poem 1: I would to heaven that I were so much clay - Lord Byron (changed only slightly to fit the scene!)

Poem 2: Wild Nights - Wild Nights! - Emily Dickinson

[abrilliantarchive]

HOW TO BE HAPPY: A Brief Guide for Citizens [Part 3 of 4]

( So sorry for the late entry, lost track of time last night! But now on to the highly anticipated third installment! Once I’m finished with How To Be Happy, I have a few other projects in mind, so I hope you follow along! )

                HAPPINESS HELPERS: HAWORTH LABS.

Haworth Labs is the nerve center of Wellington Wells - Literally !

A crack scientific team lead by Harry Haworth is hard at work finding new ways to make us delightfully giddy. Whilst Haworth believes the shape of one’s head determines one’s level of happiness. Haworth’s Assistant Deputy for Research - Anton Verloc - is convinced that happiness is a chemical process. Verloc is assisted in his research by Miss Sally Boyle, Assistant to the Assistant Deputy for Research.

Which theory is correct? Does it matter as long as we still get our Joy?

                 NEW FLAVOURS OF JOY PLANNED.

We Wellies crave variety, even with something as wonderful as Joy. That’s why Haworth Labs plans to produce their popular pill in several new flavours!

RAINBOW ——-       A full-bodied bouquet of aromas, reminiscent of a meadow after a warm rain. Suitable for all ages.

STRAWBERRY ——-      Has the fruity aroma of fresh strawberries, with a slight tang on the tongue. Great for fruit-lovers and melancholics.

BLACKBERRY ——-       A special formula in the development for constables and members of the Executive Committee, Blackberry Joy will take the edge off unhappiness whilst allowing our public officials to keep a clear head.

COCONUT ——-       To the surprise of many, coconuts are not native to Britain. However, Haworth Labs is hoping to create a synthetic version of this tropical treat. Ideal for those Wellies who are nostalgic for the hotter climes of the Empire.

TEA ——-      Haworth Labs had unexpected difficulty creating a tea-flavored Joy pill. Happily, the Executive Committee had the brilliant solution to put Joy in the municipal water supply. That way, whenever you brew a pot of tea, you can enjoy both the medicinal effects of Joy as well a hot beverage.

                           HOW TO SPOT A DOWNER.

Not everyone remembers to take his or her Joy. If you see one of these “Downers,” do be so kind as to get them to a Joy dispenser or alert the proper authorities.

You might ask: How can I tell if a fellow citizen is a Downer? Here is a helpful chart:

PROPER CITIZEN - Smiling - Large Pupils - Adores Simon Says - Tears of joy (Laughing) - Skipping rope

DOWNER - Glum - Small pupils (”beady eyed”) - Believes Simon Says is pointless - Just tears (Not laughing) - Hanging from rope

[midnight-demons4-blog]

Halloween costumes for kids ideas in 2017

October 31 appears to creep up on us every single year. Still set on managing Junior to that one-of-a-kind disguise ? Frightened by the thought of making your own costume from scratch? Don`t be. Get into the spirit with ideas that can pulled-together with household items, coffee filets, and cup cake liners. We know it`s tempting to just give up and visit the Halloween shop for some packaged kid costumes, but just think about how special your child`s outfit will be if you use one of those ideas as inspiration. These Halloween costumes for children range from easy to more complex, to help you pick your favorite based on your skill level. Each of these may be finished during some free time over the weekend, so you won`t have to plan too much in advance. If your child is begging for a store bought costume, there are plenty of options to encourage them to reconsider, including mermaid a racecar driver, aviator, and two sorts of peacock choices. You can even sweeten the offer by bringing them with you therefore they've a part in creating the disguise, when you purchase the supplies. When Halloween comes around, they`ll be pleased to have a completely unique costume.

Yellow Duckling Costume

Here`s a concept that`s positive to quack your child up. Plus, in bright yellow, your child will truly stand out in a crowd. A pair of boots that are orange and a bunch of faux feathers will have your fortunate duckling ready to waddle around the hood. The hat with a bill and also eye-balls are created from feathers a base ball cap, plus a table tennis ball. To actually get into character, practice making duck sounds with them for them to show off when it`s time to go trick-or-managing. The outfit is also a bonus as it features long sleeves and lengthy pants s O it`s ideal to get a a cold Halloween night.

Strawberry Costume

Think period is longgone? Think again. This unique costume is best for Halloween and is is among the the kid costumes that are easiest to make. The disguise starts using a pair of matching leggings plus a ripe red-shirt. The “seeds” about the best and bottoms are made from yellow craft paint. Complete the fruity look using a stem made from pipe-cleaners, felt and much more. Major bonus: the outfit is comfy enough that the little one won`t be itching to get from it during trick-or-treating across the neighborhood.

Lightning Cloud

What things to do when your kid doesn`t want to be a rainbow or sunshine this yr? Dress up him as a lightning cloud. When Halloween strikes, this dude that is fierce will bolt from house to house making a significant dent in the community candy supply. Glue polyester fiber to the front of a white crew-neck sweatshirt and cap that is white. For the “electric” pants, minimize out lighting bolt shapes from aluminum silver tape and glue to gray pants. He`ll be prepared trigger a commotion on Halloween night with this clever costume.

Love Bug Costume

Hooray for the red and pink lady who landed in the garden. The love-bug costume is around providing everybody else hugs and kisses, for the child who zips. Her cuteness is going to be off the charts—plus, she`ll love dancing around in the tulle skirt. To make the heartfelt costume, you`ll need to minimize hearts from red, pink, and black felt and glue to a long-sleeved shirt and tutu. Don`t overlook to add“wings” by fashioning them out of tights along with a wire hanger. Pair the outfit with fun tights and also a headband attached with even mo Re hearts.

Race Automobile Driver Costume

This child costume appears intricate, but it`s actually very effortless. You can probably get this one done within a weekend afternoon that is free. While your child won`t be in a position to get behind the wheel to get a few more years, they`ll get a kick-out of this costume. If your little guy (or lady) is obsessed with cars and trucks, he`ll want to wear this one even past Oct 3-1. He`ll go from zero to race-ready in a jiffy by decorating a day to day track suit using a couple of strips of tape. Don`t overlook to add the accessories like a matching hat, trophy, and checkered flag. Race car and pit crew optional.

Daycares In Vaughan

Wise Owl Costume

Whooo needs a last minute costume thought? To your serious scholar, dress her wise little owl. The night owl`s get up starts with brown leggings and shirt and calls for cupcake liners, fake feathers, a headband and ribbon. Plus, like any scholarly owl, you`ll need a pair of eyeglasses (adorned with feathers) to complete the look. We guarantee that your kid will love the “wings” of the costume—just watch her run-down the block together with the cape flying. The whole getup is really quite a hoot.

Sea Monster Costume

Beware of the multicolored, three-eye-d monster on-the-loose. (Resources say he`s looking for extra gooey, peanut butter filled treats. He`ll be in a position to show off his wild side in this clever and colourful costume. This disguise that is terrifying felt, and comes cup cake liners, as well as streamers, Ping-Pong balls, and matching hooded sweatshirt and pants. You`ll need to glue cup cake liners along the sleeves and attach orange felt circles to the very front of the sweatshirt. Add streamers to the cuffs of the sweatshirt as well as the knees of the pants. Create razor-sharp teeth with felt glued to the hood and include a couple of eyes to the most effective of the hood with Ping-Pong balls.

Lamb Costume

What`s blaahk, white, and fluffy all over? This sweet tiny lamb. The costume that is snuggly is both comfortable and cozy, which is perfect for a a cold Halloween night. You`ll require a very long sleeve shirt, leggings, and plenty of cotton balls to complete the disguise. The “hooves” around the costume are just strips of black tape attached to the sleeves and pant legs. And don`t overlook regarding the ears: Connect two-pieces of black felt to some cap. For shoes, he can wear sneakers, or canvas slip-ons. During the countdown to Halloween night, help him practice his “baa” sounds.

Bookworm Costume

In case your kid can`t get enough of story-time and previously has an impressive selection of guides, this costume will match his personality flawlessly. A novel concept for the kid who always has his nose in the guides, the book-worm costume is both adorable and foolish at exactly the same time. Pull the disguise as well as Styrofoam balls felt, a sweatshirt, sweat pants, and glasses. When it`s time for trick-or-managing, let him t-AKE his favorite book or two (we know it may be so difficult to select) along s O the whole outfit is total.

[healthandfitnessrecipes-blog]

Why the New Nicotine Is Super Addictive

https://healthandfitnessrecipes.com/?p=7931

By Dr. Mercola

We all know people who've struggled to stop smoking. Some have opted to quit "cold turkey" or relied on patches, but when e-cigs came along — electronic nicotine delivery systems or devices that emit doses in a vapor for users to inhale without the smoke — millions lined up to give them a try. The most inviting premise was its original design to help cigarette smokers taper off and eventually quit.

Since 2004, when the Chinese introduced e-cigs, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that by 2016, 3.2 percent of U.S. adults were e-cig users. More than 2 million middle school and high school-aged students had used in the previous 30 days. "Vaping" has overshadowed tobacco use among teenagers in the U.S., escalating by 900 percent between 2011 and 2015. For people 18 to 24 years of age, 40 percent had not been smokers before using the device.1

One of the newest e-cigs, made by Juul Labs Inc., has been making a big dent in the market. According to Bloomberg, the San Francisco-based startup is poised to rank its worth at $16 billion.2 While Israel is the only country where the vape pen is currently available outside the U.S., the company has plans to change that, The Verge notes:

"Since launching in 2015, the Juul has been a runaway success. Vapers appreciate the flat rectangular product design, discreet size and powerful pre-filled nicotine pods. Sucking on a Juul creates a similar sensation to smoking a cigarette.

As of … [June 2018] Juul had captured 68 percent of the U.S. e-cigarette market, according to Nielsen data … The company's growth has made it a bright spot in an ailing industry. Since January 2017, cigarettes' share of the smoking and vaping market has fallen by almost 4 percentage points. Juul's market share has jumped by roughly 3.5 percentage points in the same period."3

Morgan Stanley analyst Pamela Kaufman told investors that "Juul's success underscores the potential for disruptive technology to undermine U.S. tobacco's reliable business algorithm."4 Rival companies Philip Morris International Inc. (in the U.S), British American Tobacco Plc and Japan Tobacco Inc. have all seen their shares slump: 23 percent, 24 percent and 15 percent, respectively, just this year.

Business Insider says the product is so popular, its use has become a verb; it's not "smoking" anymore, it's "Juuling." But here's how the company has overtaken their rivals in a very competitive market: The Juul contains somewhere around twice the concentration of nicotine as cigarettes and other vape pens, so they pack an even more powerful nicotine punch.

What Juuls Deliver — More Than Users Bargained For

Presented as the "most satisfying" and "genuine alternative to cigarettes,"5 Juuls are described as delivering "a nicotine hit that's much more like smoking a cigarette than other e-cigs."6 The company's patented JuulSalts approach to nicotine delivery is due to compounds called nicotine salts, which develop in heat-dried tobacco leaves much like most cigarettes.7 Science reporter Rachel Becker explains in The Verge:

"These nicotine salts are less harsh to inhale than the straight-up, 'freebase' nicotine used in most regular nicotine vapes — the same kind of nicotine you get from smoking the air-dried tobacco used for pipes and cigars. Freebase nicotine can be absorbed through your mouth — but it's also much less pleasant to inhale because of its 'greater physiological (throat and chest) impact and toxicity,' according to a report for the tobacco industry from the 70s."8

Vapers who've tried Juuls agree they have a much stronger nicotine "hit" than other e-cigs. One ex-smoker found that once he started on Juuls, the vaping habit became "remarkably difficult to kick." Becker writes about The Verge's video director, Christian Mazza, a 15-year smoker who gave up cigarettes, then started vaping Juuls. His first reaction wasn't necessarily positive as he compared them with the low-nicotine e-cigs he started with, but after a while, he recalls:

"It just sort of took over, and everything else just got put away in a shelf — and the Juul became the daily driver … I don't know what's going on on a molecular level, but it hits smoother and it's a lot more satisfying when you're craving that nicotine."

In fact, the reality is that you could think of regular vapes like smoking a cigar, and the Juul pretty much like smoking a cigarette. JuulSalts make the nicotine easier to access. According to the company website, freebase nicotine is mixed with benzoic acid to make the e-liquid, which has a chemical reaction to produce the nicotine salts. JuulPod e-liquid cartridges contain up to twice the amount of nicotine as a pack of cigarettes, and they're just as easy to inhale.9,10

Making use even easier, The Boston Globe11 notes the Juul's built-in battery is charged via a magnetic USB adapter, takes an hour to charge and lasts for 200 puffs, or one full day of regular use. The fruity-, tobacco-, crème brulee-, mango- and mint-flavored pods contain 50 milligrams of nicotine and emit such a mild fragrance, they've been mistaken for a light perfume.

With the Juul device, the company offers a "starter" kit online for $49.99. It comes complete with a charger, a warranty and four flavored Juul pods. On the resale market, the starter kit might run around $80.

The Good, the Bad and the Addictive

For adults who hope to get over their cigarette addiction by indulging in an occasional nicotine hit via vaping, Juul company spokesperson Victoria Davis says they were created for that purpose: They're "intended for adult smokers only who want to switch from combustible cigarettes." However, University of California San Francisco professor Gideon St. Helen told Becker that while an e-cig may have its place, "You just don't want young people using it."

Davis insists that combating underage vaping is one of the company's highest priorities. "We cannot be more emphatic on this point: No young person or non-nicotine user should ever try Juul." But unfortunately, they do. Anti-smoking advocates say the company targets teens, but The Washington Times maintains it's a moot point because Juuls already have all the necessary elements for any age: They're flavored, their batteries can be recharged on a laptop in an hour and they fulfill the "cool factor."12

One high schooler is quoted as saying that while smoking is "gross … Juuling is really what's up."13 Another student enthuses, "People Juul at parties, Juul when they're driving — it's a social thing. They're Juuling all the time."14 But according to The New Yorker, "Teens have taken a technology that was supposed to help grownups stop smoking and invented a new kind of bad habit, molded in their own image."

What's more, while school personnel across the U.S. have been used to looking for telltale whiffs of cigarette smoke and glimpses of slender white shafts, e-cigs sneaked up on them because they're so easy for users to conceal. Juuls may or may not have been specifically designed look like a USB flash drive at first glance.

Interim superintendent Howard Colter at Cape Elizabeth High School in Maine noted, "They can pin them on to their shirt collar or bra strap and lean over and take a hit every now and then, and who's to know?"15

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has noticed, and in April 2018 issued a report with FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb's comprehensive prevention plan to "stop youth use of, and access to, JUUL and other e-cigarettes." Others have similar characteristics to Juul, he notes, but more types of e-cigs are emerging into the marketplace all the time. He asserts:

"In some cases, our kids are trying these products and liking them without even knowing they contain nicotine. And that's a problem, because as we know the nicotine in these products can rewire an adolescent's brain, leading to years of addiction. For this reason, the FDA must — and will — move quickly to reverse these disturbing trends, and, in particular, address the surging youth uptake of JUUL and other products."16

So What's so Bad About Juuls?

Truth Initiative, a nonprofit youth anti-smoking organization, conducted a survey that revealed several things that should make everyone, including teens, sit up and take notice. Again, a significant number of students say they were unaware before they tried it that Juuls actually contained nicotine. One girl admitted she thought they were healthier than cigarettes and that "it won't give you as much cancer, but finding out that one pod is equivalent to one pack of cigarettes was shocking."17

The New York Times referenced another student's admission after he'd been reprimanded three times: "I can't stop."18 The device's patent includes charts showing how its nicotine salts rival a Pall Mall cigarette in the amount of nicotine absorbed into the bloodstream. That alone is troubling, but Truth Initiative's CEO, Robin Koval, lists a few facts that have been established regarding e-cigs to date:

Nicotine has effects on young people's cognitive development

If addicted to nicotine at a younger age, young people are more susceptible to other addictions later on in life

When addicted at a younger age, it's harder to quit nicotine, whether it's vaped or a smoking product

To a teenager's brain, particularly since it's not fully developed until around age 25, Business Insider notes potential vulnerability of their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain involved in decision making, emotional control and impulse regulation. In short, nicotine, like any other drug, impacts developing brains more than those of adults.

"Brain imaging on adolescents suggest that those who begin smoking regularly at a young age have markedly reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex and perform less well on tasks related to memory and attention compared to people who don't smoke."19

Dr. Nicholas Chadi, a clinical pediatrics fellow at Boston Children's Hospital, says brain changes from nicotine include increased sensitivity to other drugs and greater impulsivity. Effects of teen vaping he's run across include intense nicotine cravings after only a few months of use and loss of hope they'll be able to quit. Further, Chadi references a Lancet study ranking nicotine as more addictive than alcohol or barbiturates.20 "Some start showing irritability or shakiness when they stop."21

While they may show less severe withdrawal symptoms compared to adults, teen symptoms may appear after only a few hundred e-cigs. One study shows that 85 percent of those who try to stop either smoking or vaping end up relapsing.22

Dr. John Ross, from Brigham and Women's Hospital and a Harvard Health Blog contributor, says long-term safety information on e-cigs doesn't yet exist, and while they're "almost certainly" less dangerous than smoking, the nicotine itself in e-cigarettes may also have negative health effects.

"Chronic nicotine exposure may lead to insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes … Inhaled nicotine increases heart rate and blood pressure. Nicotine is highly addictive in its own right, and it may lead to changes in the brain that increase the risk of addiction to other drugs, especially in young people."23

Are E-Cigs Dangerous?

It's significant that Juul's labeling includes California's Proposition 65 warning that the product contains chemicals known to cause cancer, birth defects and/or other reproductive harm, and the website reiterates that the product contains addictive nicotine.

Perhaps to counter that, company spokesperson Christine Castro says an in-house research team is looking at youth prevention to engage educators and parents, offers its curriculum to schools for free and will even help compensate for costs linked to after-school activities and addiction counselors.

However, Bonnie Halpern-Felsher, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist and pediatrics professor at Stanford University School of Medicine, is of the mind that neither tobacco nor nicotine delivery device companies should be engaged in their own prevention work.24

Research at Portland State University25 "milked" the vapes from 11 different e-cigs with a syringe pump to examine the liquids and the aerosols produced by three of them. The "fruit medley" and "creme brulee" flavors had the most nicotine, but next to the lowest nicotine freebase levels.

Only a liquid called "Placid" had lower freebase nicotine levels, and far lower nicotine overall. In essence, "Juul packs a bigger nicotine punch in a more pleasant package than the other products the team tested."26 One of the chemistry professors involved in the study called Juul use a double-edged sword:

"If you've never smoked, and you try Juul for a few days, this is a recipe for addiction. You could make someone addicted who's never been a smoker — or, for someone who is addicted to nicotine, this could be a way to get off of cigarettes."27

In addition, it's important to understand that if you smoke e-cigarettes you may be exposing yourself to dangerous chemicals and toxic heavy metals with each puff, associated with cancers, heart disease and stroke. Other toxins detected in e-cigarette vapors include diacetyl, formaldehyde, diethylene glycol, tobacco-specific nitrosamine and highly reactive free radicals.28 In traditional cigarette smoke, these highly reactive free radicals are associated with cancer, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and heart disease.

The History of Tobacco and How It Relates to E-Cigs

Tobacco smoking has been a thing for thousands of years. Native Americans grew tobacco long before Europeans showed up, and smoked pipes for religious and medical purposes as many as 2,000 years ago; the Mayans possibly engaged in it from 600 to 900 A.D., if ancient, stone-chiseled depictions of the practice mean anything.29

It was a cash crop for New World settlers in 1612, and by the 1800s, it was being chewed, smoked in a pipe and hand-rolled for easy inhalation. Cancer Council NSW (conducting and funding world class cancer research), notes:

"In 1602, an anonymous English author published an essay titled Worke of Chimney Sweepers, which stated that illnesses often seen in chimney sweepers were caused by soot, and that tobacco may have similar effects. This was one of the earliest known instances of smoking being linked to ill health."30

It took another 200 years for a German named Sammuel Thomas von Soemmerring to notice that mouth cancers were a hallmark of some pipe smokers. In 1798, an American doctor wrote about the dangers of tobacco, but it wasn't until the 1920s that actual research and medical reports cautioned the public. In the '50s and '60s it was confirmed: Ingesting tobacco can spike a range of serious diseases.

With all that in mind, the medical world has been somewhat dumbfounded by the way e-cigs have completely changed the tobacco industry, which is why the science is absent in regard to what kind of damage, if any, habitual vapers can expect in regard to their health. The Verge observes:

"Needing more independent data is a common theme: vaping is so new that there's a ton we don't know about it yet, which means that people who use these products are mostly left to figure out the risks and benefits on their own. Thanks to a massive study of studies from the National Academy of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine, we know vaping probably exposes smokers to fewer toxic chemicals than smoking does and may cut their risk for short-term health problems, too."31

Vaping Juuls: The Bottom Line

A PLOS One study suggests there's a two- to seven-times greater possibility that vaping teens will move on to the real thing.32 But while experts say vaping can be a gateway to smoking in the traditional sense, one Juul spokesperson maintains that using e-cigs hasn't been proven as "causally related to cigarette use."

Interestingly, the National Academies doesn't comment on whether vaping helps people stop smoking (and a reported 70 percent of adult smokers say they want to quit33) any better than other FDA-approved recommendations, such as using nicotine patches, gum or lozenges.34 On the other hand, the Academies recently revealed incontrovertible evidence that using e-cigs creates a dependence on them.35

Vapers say that when they started, it was supposed to be a "transitional thing," but one couple admits they're still vaping two years later, and ask, "At what point does the transition get us off of nicotine completely?" To simply start vaping less is like telling smokers to smoke less, one Juuls user grouses, because the product, he says, is essentially designed to make you want to use it more. There's talk of the company rolling out lower-dose pods, but the company declined to comment on when or how.

Meanwhile, Juuls are patent protected, and their expanding customer base is flourishing, which is going to make it hard for the powers-that-be at Juul to switch up the status quo in regard to how the product is made, because it's quite profitable. After all, Castro says, "The entire conception, premise, operations, mission of the company is to eliminate cigarettes and get adult smokers to switch to our vapor product."

One could compare it to putting a finger in a leaking dike, but before the first quarter of 2018 was out, 11 U.S. senators sent two letters to Juul Labs Inc., stating that the company's products undermine the fabric of the nation's efforts to curb tobacco use, and calling the company out for putting "an entire new generation of children at risk of nicotine addiction."36 Time will tell whether or not there's a positive response.

Credits: Original Content Source

[jakehglover]

Why the New Nicotine Is Super Addictive

By Dr. Mercola

We all know people who've struggled to stop smoking. Some have opted to quit "cold turkey" or relied on patches, but when e-cigs came along — electronic nicotine delivery systems or devices that emit doses in a vapor for users to inhale without the smoke — millions lined up to give them a try. The most inviting premise was its original design to help cigarette smokers taper off and eventually quit.

Since 2004, when the Chinese introduced e-cigs, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that by 2016, 3.2 percent of U.S. adults were e-cig users. More than 2 million middle school and high school-aged students had used in the previous 30 days. "Vaping" has overshadowed tobacco use among teenagers in the U.S., escalating by 900 percent between 2011 and 2015. For people 18 to 24 years of age, 40 percent had not been smokers before using the device.1

One of the newest e-cigs, made by Juul Labs Inc., has been making a big dent in the market. According to Bloomberg, the San Francisco-based startup is poised to rank its worth at $16 billion.2 While Israel is the only country where the vape pen is currently available outside the U.S., the company has plans to change that, The Verge notes:

"Since launching in 2015, the Juul has been a runaway success. Vapers appreciate the flat rectangular product design, discreet size and powerful pre-filled nicotine pods. Sucking on a Juul creates a similar sensation to smoking a cigarette.

As of … [June 2018] Juul had captured 68 percent of the U.S. e-cigarette market, according to Nielsen data … The company's growth has made it a bright spot in an ailing industry. Since January 2017, cigarettes' share of the smoking and vaping market has fallen by almost 4 percentage points. Juul's market share has jumped by roughly 3.5 percentage points in the same period."3

Morgan Stanley analyst Pamela Kaufman told investors that "Juul's success underscores the potential for disruptive technology to undermine U.S. tobacco's reliable business algorithm."4 Rival companies Philip Morris International Inc. (in the U.S), British American Tobacco Plc and Japan Tobacco Inc. have all seen their shares slump: 23 percent, 24 percent and 15 percent, respectively, just this year.

Business Insider says the product is so popular, its use has become a verb; it's not "smoking" anymore, it's "Juuling." But here's how the company has overtaken their rivals in a very competitive market: The Juul contains somewhere around twice the concentration of nicotine as cigarettes and other vape pens, so they pack an even more powerful nicotine punch.

What Juuls Deliver — More Than Users Bargained For

Presented as the "most satisfying" and "genuine alternative to cigarettes,"5 Juuls are described as delivering "a nicotine hit that's much more like smoking a cigarette than other e-cigs."6 The company's patented JuulSalts approach to nicotine delivery is due to compounds called nicotine salts, which develop in heat-dried tobacco leaves much like most cigarettes.7 Science reporter Rachel Becker explains in The Verge:

"These nicotine salts are less harsh to inhale than the straight-up, 'freebase' nicotine used in most regular nicotine vapes — the same kind of nicotine you get from smoking the air-dried tobacco used for pipes and cigars. Freebase nicotine can be absorbed through your mouth — but it's also much less pleasant to inhale because of its 'greater physiological (throat and chest) impact and toxicity,' according to a report for the tobacco industry from the 70s."8

Vapers who've tried Juuls agree they have a much stronger nicotine "hit" than other e-cigs. One ex-smoker found that once he started on Juuls, the vaping habit became "remarkably difficult to kick." Becker writes about The Verge's video director, Christian Mazza, a 15-year smoker who gave up cigarettes, then started vaping Juuls. His first reaction wasn't necessarily positive as he compared them with the low-nicotine e-cigs he started with, but after a while, he recalls:

"It just sort of took over, and everything else just got put away in a shelf — and the Juul became the daily driver … I don't know what's going on on a molecular level, but it hits smoother and it's a lot more satisfying when you're craving that nicotine."

In fact, the reality is that you could think of regular vapes like smoking a cigar, and the Juul pretty much like smoking a cigarette. JuulSalts make the nicotine easier to access. According to the company website, freebase nicotine is mixed with benzoic acid to make the e-liquid, which has a chemical reaction to produce the nicotine salts. JuulPod e-liquid cartridges contain up to twice the amount of nicotine as a pack of cigarettes, and they're just as easy to inhale.9,10

Making use even easier, The Boston Globe11 notes the Juul's built-in battery is charged via a magnetic USB adapter, takes an hour to charge and lasts for 200 puffs, or one full day of regular use. The fruity-, tobacco-, crème brulee-, mango- and mint-flavored pods contain 50 milligrams of nicotine and emit such a mild fragrance, they've been mistaken for a light perfume.

With the Juul device, the company offers a "starter" kit online for $49.99. It comes complete with a charger, a warranty and four flavored Juul pods. On the resale market, the starter kit might run around $80.

The Good, the Bad and the Addictive

For adults who hope to get over their cigarette addiction by indulging in an occasional nicotine hit via vaping, Juul company spokesperson Victoria Davis says they were created for that purpose: They're "intended for adult smokers only who want to switch from combustible cigarettes." However, University of California San Francisco professor Gideon St. Helen told Becker that while an e-cig may have its place, "You just don't want young people using it."

Davis insists that combating underage vaping is one of the company's highest priorities. "We cannot be more emphatic on this point: No young person or non-nicotine user should ever try Juul." But unfortunately, they do. Anti-smoking advocates say the company targets teens, but The Washington Times maintains it's a moot point because Juuls already have all the necessary elements for any age: They're flavored, their batteries can be recharged on a laptop in an hour and they fulfill the "cool factor."12

One high schooler is quoted as saying that while smoking is "gross … Juuling is really what's up."13 Another student enthuses, "People Juul at parties, Juul when they're driving — it's a social thing. They're Juuling all the time."14 But according to The New Yorker, "Teens have taken a technology that was supposed to help grownups stop smoking and invented a new kind of bad habit, molded in their own image."

What's more, while school personnel across the U.S. have been used to looking for telltale whiffs of cigarette smoke and glimpses of slender white shafts, e-cigs sneaked up on them because they're so easy for users to conceal. Juuls may or may not have been specifically designed look like a USB flash drive at first glance.

Interim superintendent Howard Colter at Cape Elizabeth High School in Maine noted, "They can pin them on to their shirt collar or bra strap and lean over and take a hit every now and then, and who's to know?"15

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has noticed, and in April 2018 issued a report with FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb's comprehensive prevention plan to "stop youth use of, and access to, JUUL and other e-cigarettes." Others have similar characteristics to Juul, he notes, but more types of e-cigs are emerging into the marketplace all the time. He asserts:

"In some cases, our kids are trying these products and liking them without even knowing they contain nicotine. And that's a problem, because as we know the nicotine in these products can rewire an adolescent's brain, leading to years of addiction. For this reason, the FDA must — and will — move quickly to reverse these disturbing trends, and, in particular, address the surging youth uptake of JUUL and other products."16

So What's so Bad About Juuls?

Truth Initiative, a nonprofit youth anti-smoking organization, conducted a survey that revealed several things that should make everyone, including teens, sit up and take notice. Again, a significant number of students say they were unaware before they tried it that Juuls actually contained nicotine. One girl admitted she thought they were healthier than cigarettes and that "it won't give you as much cancer, but finding out that one pod is equivalent to one pack of cigarettes was shocking."17

The New York Times referenced another student's admission after he'd been reprimanded three times: "I can't stop."18 The device's patent includes charts showing how its nicotine salts rival a Pall Mall cigarette in the amount of nicotine absorbed into the bloodstream. That alone is troubling, but Truth Initiative's CEO, Robin Koval, lists a few facts that have been established regarding e-cigs to date:

Nicotine has effects on young people's cognitive development

If addicted to nicotine at a younger age, young people are more susceptible to other addictions later on in life

When addicted at a younger age, it's harder to quit nicotine, whether it's vaped or a smoking product

To a teenager's brain, particularly since it's not fully developed until around age 25, Business Insider notes potential vulnerability of their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain involved in decision making, emotional control and impulse regulation. In short, nicotine, like any other drug, impacts developing brains more than those of adults.

"Brain imaging on adolescents suggest that those who begin smoking regularly at a young age have markedly reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex and perform less well on tasks related to memory and attention compared to people who don't smoke."19

Dr. Nicholas Chadi, a clinical pediatrics fellow at Boston Children's Hospital, says brain changes from nicotine include increased sensitivity to other drugs and greater impulsivity. Effects of teen vaping he's run across include intense nicotine cravings after only a few months of use and loss of hope they'll be able to quit. Further, Chadi references a Lancet study ranking nicotine as more addictive than alcohol or barbiturates.20 "Some start showing irritability or shakiness when they stop."21

While they may show less severe withdrawal symptoms compared to adults, teen symptoms may appear after only a few hundred e-cigs. One study shows that 85 percent of those who try to stop either smoking or vaping end up relapsing.22

Dr. John Ross, from Brigham and Women's Hospital and a Harvard Health Blog contributor, says long-term safety information on e-cigs doesn't yet exist, and while they're "almost certainly" less dangerous than smoking, the nicotine itself in e-cigarettes may also have negative health effects.

"Chronic nicotine exposure may lead to insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes … Inhaled nicotine increases heart rate and blood pressure. Nicotine is highly addictive in its own right, and it may lead to changes in the brain that increase the risk of addiction to other drugs, especially in young people."23

Are E-Cigs Dangerous?

It's significant that Juul's labeling includes California's Proposition 65 warning that the product contains chemicals known to cause cancer, birth defects and/or other reproductive harm, and the website reiterates that the product contains addictive nicotine.

Perhaps to counter that, company spokesperson Christine Castro says an in-house research team is looking at youth prevention to engage educators and parents, offers its curriculum to schools for free and will even help compensate for costs linked to after-school activities and addiction counselors.

However, Bonnie Halpern-Felsher, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist and pediatrics professor at Stanford University School of Medicine, is of the mind that neither tobacco nor nicotine delivery device companies should be engaged in their own prevention work.24

Research at Portland State University25 "milked" the vapes from 11 different e-cigs with a syringe pump to examine the liquids and the aerosols produced by three of them. The "fruit medley" and "creme brulee" flavors had the most nicotine, but next to the lowest nicotine freebase levels.

Only a liquid called "Placid" had lower freebase nicotine levels, and far lower nicotine overall. In essence, "Juul packs a bigger nicotine punch in a more pleasant package than the other products the team tested."26 One of the chemistry professors involved in the study called Juul use a double-edged sword:

"If you've never smoked, and you try Juul for a few days, this is a recipe for addiction. You could make someone addicted who's never been a smoker — or, for someone who is addicted to nicotine, this could be a way to get off of cigarettes."27

In addition, it's important to understand that if you smoke e-cigarettes you may be exposing yourself to dangerous chemicals and toxic heavy metals with each puff, associated with cancers, heart disease and stroke. Other toxins detected in e-cigarette vapors include diacetyl, formaldehyde, diethylene glycol, tobacco-specific nitrosamine and highly reactive free radicals.28 In traditional cigarette smoke, these highly reactive free radicals are associated with cancer, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and heart disease.

The History of Tobacco and How It Relates to E-Cigs

Tobacco smoking has been a thing for thousands of years. Native Americans grew tobacco long before Europeans showed up, and smoked pipes for religious and medical purposes as many as 2,000 years ago; the Mayans possibly engaged in it from 600 to 900 A.D., if ancient, stone-chiseled depictions of the practice mean anything.29

It was a cash crop for New World settlers in 1612, and by the 1800s, it was being chewed, smoked in a pipe and hand-rolled for easy inhalation. Cancer Council NSW (conducting and funding world class cancer research), notes:

"In 1602, an anonymous English author published an essay titled Worke of Chimney Sweepers, which stated that illnesses often seen in chimney sweepers were caused by soot, and that tobacco may have similar effects. This was one of the earliest known instances of smoking being linked to ill health."30

It took another 200 years for a German named Sammuel Thomas von Soemmerring to notice that mouth cancers were a hallmark of some pipe smokers. In 1798, an American doctor wrote about the dangers of tobacco, but it wasn't until the 1920s that actual research and medical reports cautioned the public. In the '50s and '60s it was confirmed: Ingesting tobacco can spike a range of serious diseases.

With all that in mind, the medical world has been somewhat dumbfounded by the way e-cigs have completely changed the tobacco industry, which is why the science is absent in regard to what kind of damage, if any, habitual vapers can expect in regard to their health. The Verge observes:

"Needing more independent data is a common theme: vaping is so new that there's a ton we don't know about it yet, which means that people who use these products are mostly left to figure out the risks and benefits on their own. Thanks to a massive study of studies from the National Academy of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine, we know vaping probably exposes smokers to fewer toxic chemicals than smoking does and may cut their risk for short-term health problems, too."31

Vaping Juuls: The Bottom Line

A PLOS One study suggests there's a two- to seven-times greater possibility that vaping teens will move on to the real thing.32 But while experts say vaping can be a gateway to smoking in the traditional sense, one Juul spokesperson maintains that using e-cigs hasn't been proven as "causally related to cigarette use."

Interestingly, the National Academies doesn't comment on whether vaping helps people stop smoking (and a reported 70 percent of adult smokers say they want to quit33) any better than other FDA-approved recommendations, such as using nicotine patches, gum or lozenges.34 On the other hand, the Academies recently revealed incontrovertible evidence that using e-cigs creates a dependence on them.35

Vapers say that when they started, it was supposed to be a "transitional thing," but one couple admits they're still vaping two years later, and ask, "At what point does the transition get us off of nicotine completely?" To simply start vaping less is like telling smokers to smoke less, one Juuls user grouses, because the product, he says, is essentially designed to make you want to use it more. There's talk of the company rolling out lower-dose pods, but the company declined to comment on when or how.

Meanwhile, Juuls are patent protected, and their expanding customer base is flourishing, which is going to make it hard for the powers-that-be at Juul to switch up the status quo in regard to how the product is made, because it's quite profitable. After all, Castro says, "The entire conception, premise, operations, mission of the company is to eliminate cigarettes and get adult smokers to switch to our vapor product."

One could compare it to putting a finger in a leaking dike, but before the first quarter of 2018 was out, 11 U.S. senators sent two letters to Juul Labs Inc., stating that the company's products undermine the fabric of the nation's efforts to curb tobacco use, and calling the company out for putting "an entire new generation of children at risk of nicotine addiction."36 Time will tell whether or not there's a positive response.

from HealthyLife via Jake Glover on Inoreader http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2018/07/18/juul-vaping-e-cigarette.aspx

[sherristockman]

Why the New Nicotine Is Super Addictive Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola We all know people who've struggled to stop smoking. Some have opted to quit "cold turkey" or relied on patches, but when e-cigs came along — electronic nicotine delivery systems or devices that emit doses in a vapor for users to inhale without the smoke — millions lined up to give them a try. The most inviting premise was its original design to help cigarette smokers taper off and eventually quit. Since 2004, when the Chinese introduced e-cigs, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that by 2016, 3.2 percent of U.S. adults were e-cig users. More than 2 million middle school and high school-aged students had used in the previous 30 days. "Vaping" has overshadowed tobacco use among teenagers in the U.S., escalating by 900 percent between 2011 and 2015. For people 18 to 24 years of age, 40 percent had not been smokers before using the device.1 One of the newest e-cigs, made by Juul Labs Inc., has been making a big dent in the market. According to Bloomberg, the San Francisco-based startup is poised to rank its worth at $16 billion.2 While Israel is the only country where the vape pen is currently available outside the U.S., the company has plans to change that, The Verge notes: "Since launching in 2015, the Juul has been a runaway success. Vapers appreciate the flat rectangular product design, discreet size and powerful pre-filled nicotine pods. Sucking on a Juul creates a similar sensation to smoking a cigarette. As of … [June 2018] Juul had captured 68 percent of the U.S. e-cigarette market, according to Nielsen data … The company's growth has made it a bright spot in an ailing industry. Since January 2017, cigarettes' share of the smoking and vaping market has fallen by almost 4 percentage points. Juul's market share has jumped by roughly 3.5 percentage points in the same period."3 Morgan Stanley analyst Pamela Kaufman told investors that "Juul's success underscores the potential for disruptive technology to undermine U.S. tobacco's reliable business algorithm."4 Rival companies Philip Morris International Inc. (in the U.S), British American Tobacco Plc and Japan Tobacco Inc. have all seen their shares slump: 23 percent, 24 percent and 15 percent, respectively, just this year. Business Insider says the product is so popular, its use has become a verb; it's not "smoking" anymore, it's "Juuling." But here's how the company has overtaken their rivals in a very competitive market: The Juul contains somewhere around twice the concentration of nicotine as cigarettes and other vape pens, so they pack an even more powerful nicotine punch. What Juuls Deliver — More Than Users Bargained For Presented as the "most satisfying" and "genuine alternative to cigarettes,"5 Juuls are described as delivering "a nicotine hit that's much more like smoking a cigarette than other e-cigs."6 The company's patented JuulSalts approach to nicotine delivery is due to compounds called nicotine salts, which develop in heat-dried tobacco leaves much like most cigarettes.7 Science reporter Rachel Becker explains in The Verge: "These nicotine salts are less harsh to inhale than the straight-up, 'freebase' nicotine used in most regular nicotine vapes — the same kind of nicotine you get from smoking the air-dried tobacco used for pipes and cigars. Freebase nicotine can be absorbed through your mouth — but it's also much less pleasant to inhale because of its 'greater physiological (throat and chest) impact and toxicity,' according to a report for the tobacco industry from the 70s."8 Vapers who've tried Juuls agree they have a much stronger nicotine "hit" than other e-cigs. One ex-smoker found that once he started on Juuls, the vaping habit became "remarkably difficult to kick." Becker writes about The Verge's video director, Christian Mazza, a 15-year smoker who gave up cigarettes, then started vaping Juuls. His first reaction wasn't necessarily positive as he compared them with the low-nicotine e-cigs he started with, but after a while, he recalls: "It just sort of took over, and everything else just got put away in a shelf — and the Juul became the daily driver … I don't know what's going on on a molecular level, but it hits smoother and it's a lot more satisfying when you're craving that nicotine." In fact, the reality is that you could think of regular vapes like smoking a cigar, and the Juul pretty much like smoking a cigarette. JuulSalts make the nicotine easier to access. According to the company website, freebase nicotine is mixed with benzoic acid to make the e-liquid, which has a chemical reaction to produce the nicotine salts. JuulPod e-liquid cartridges contain up to twice the amount of nicotine as a pack of cigarettes, and they're just as easy to inhale.9,10 Making use even easier, The Boston Globe11 notes the Juul's built-in battery is charged via a magnetic USB adapter, takes an hour to charge and lasts for 200 puffs, or one full day of regular use. The fruity-, tobacco-, crème brulee-, mango- and mint-flavored pods contain 50 milligrams of nicotine and emit such a mild fragrance, they've been mistaken for a light perfume. With the Juul device, the company offers a "starter" kit online for $49.99. It comes complete with a charger, a warranty and four flavored Juul pods. On the resale market, the starter kit might run around $80. The Good, the Bad and the Addictive For adults who hope to get over their cigarette addiction by indulging in an occasional nicotine hit via vaping, Juul company spokesperson Victoria Davis says they were created for that purpose: They're "intended for adult smokers only who want to switch from combustible cigarettes." However, University of California San Francisco professor Gideon St. Helen told Becker that while an e-cig may have its place, "You just don't want young people using it." Davis insists that combating underage vaping is one of the company's highest priorities. "We cannot be more emphatic on this point: No young person or non-nicotine user should ever try Juul." But unfortunately, they do. Anti-smoking advocates say the company targets teens, but The Washington Times maintains it's a moot point because Juuls already have all the necessary elements for any age: They're flavored, their batteries can be recharged on a laptop in an hour and they fulfill the "cool factor."12 One high schooler is quoted as saying that while smoking is "gross … Juuling is really what's up."13 Another student enthuses, "People Juul at parties, Juul when they're driving — it's a social thing. They're Juuling all the time."14 But according to The New Yorker, "Teens have taken a technology that was supposed to help grownups stop smoking and invented a new kind of bad habit, molded in their own image." What's more, while school personnel across the U.S. have been used to looking for telltale whiffs of cigarette smoke and glimpses of slender white shafts, e-cigs sneaked up on them because they're so easy for users to conceal. Juuls may or may not have been specifically designed look like a USB flash drive at first glance. Interim superintendent Howard Colter at Cape Elizabeth High School in Maine noted, "They can pin them on to their shirt collar or bra strap and lean over and take a hit every now and then, and who's to know?"15 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has noticed, and in April 2018 issued a report with FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb's comprehensive prevention plan to "stop youth use of, and access to, JUUL and other e-cigarettes." Others have similar characteristics to Juul, he notes, but more types of e-cigs are emerging into the marketplace all the time. He asserts: "In some cases, our kids are trying these products and liking them without even knowing they contain nicotine. And that's a problem, because as we know the nicotine in these products can rewire an adolescent's brain, leading to years of addiction. For this reason, the FDA must — and will — move quickly to reverse these disturbing trends, and, in particular, address the surging youth uptake of JUUL and other products."16 So What's so Bad About Juuls? Truth Initiative, a nonprofit youth anti-smoking organization, conducted a survey that revealed several things that should make everyone, including teens, sit up and take notice. Again, a significant number of students say they were unaware before they tried it that Juuls actually contained nicotine. One girl admitted she thought they were healthier than cigarettes and that "it won't give you as much cancer, but finding out that one pod is equivalent to one pack of cigarettes was shocking."17 The New York Times referenced another student's admission after he'd been reprimanded three times: "I can't stop."18 The device's patent includes charts showing how its nicotine salts rival a Pall Mall cigarette in the amount of nicotine absorbed into the bloodstream. That alone is troubling, but Truth Initiative's CEO, Robin Koval, lists a few facts that have been established regarding e-cigs to date: Nicotine has effects on young people's cognitive development If addicted to nicotine at a younger age, young people are more susceptible to other addictions later on in life When addicted at a younger age, it's harder to quit nicotine, whether it's vaped or a smoking product To a teenager's brain, particularly since it's not fully developed until around age 25, Business Insider notes potential vulnerability of their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain involved in decision making, emotional control and impulse regulation. In short, nicotine, like any other drug, impacts developing brains more than those of adults. "Brain imaging on adolescents suggest that those who begin smoking regularly at a young age have markedly reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex and perform less well on tasks related to memory and attention compared to people who don't smoke."19 Dr. Nicholas Chadi, a clinical pediatrics fellow at Boston Children's Hospital, says brain changes from nicotine include increased sensitivity to other drugs and greater impulsivity. Effects of teen vaping he's run across include intense nicotine cravings after only a few months of use and loss of hope they'll be able to quit. Further, Chadi references a Lancet study ranking nicotine as more addictive than alcohol or barbiturates.20 "Some start showing irritability or shakiness when they stop."21 While they may show less severe withdrawal symptoms compared to adults, teen symptoms may appear after only a few hundred e-cigs. One study shows that 85 percent of those who try to stop either smoking or vaping end up relapsing.22 Dr. John Ross, from Brigham and Women's Hospital and a Harvard Health Blog contributor, says long-term safety information on e-cigs doesn't yet exist, and while they're "almost certainly" less dangerous than smoking, the nicotine itself in e-cigarettes may also have negative health effects. "Chronic nicotine exposure may lead to insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes … Inhaled nicotine increases heart rate and blood pressure. Nicotine is highly addictive in its own right, and it may lead to changes in the brain that increase the risk of addiction to other drugs, especially in young people."23 Are E-Cigs Dangerous? It's significant that Juul's labeling includes California's Proposition 65 warning that the product contains chemicals known to cause cancer, birth defects and/or other reproductive harm, and the website reiterates that the product contains addictive nicotine. Perhaps to counter that, company spokesperson Christine Castro says an in-house research team is looking at youth prevention to engage educators and parents, offers its curriculum to schools for free and will even help compensate for costs linked to after-school activities and addiction counselors. However, Bonnie Halpern-Felsher, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist and pediatrics professor at Stanford University School of Medicine, is of the mind that neither tobacco nor nicotine delivery device companies should be engaged in their own prevention work.24 Research at Portland State University25 "milked" the vapes from 11 different e-cigs with a syringe pump to examine the liquids and the aerosols produced by three of them. The "fruit medley" and "creme brulee" flavors had the most nicotine, but next to the lowest nicotine freebase levels. Only a liquid called "Placid" had lower freebase nicotine levels, and far lower nicotine overall. In essence, "Juul packs a bigger nicotine punch in a more pleasant package than the other products the team tested."26 One of the chemistry professors involved in the study called Juul use a double-edged sword: "If you've never smoked, and you try Juul for a few days, this is a recipe for addiction. You could make someone addicted who's never been a smoker — or, for someone who is addicted to nicotine, this could be a way to get off of cigarettes."27 In addition, it's important to understand that if you smoke e-cigarettes you may be exposing yourself to dangerous chemicals and toxic heavy metals with each puff, associated with cancers, heart disease and stroke. Other toxins detected in e-cigarette vapors include diacetyl, formaldehyde, diethylene glycol, tobacco-specific nitrosamine and highly reactive free radicals.28 In traditional cigarette smoke, these highly reactive free radicals are associated with cancer, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and heart disease. The History of Tobacco and How It Relates to E-Cigs Tobacco smoking has been a thing for thousands of years. Native Americans grew tobacco long before Europeans showed up, and smoked pipes for religious and medical purposes as many as 2,000 years ago; the Mayans possibly engaged in it from 600 to 900 A.D., if ancient, stone-chiseled depictions of the practice mean anything.29 It was a cash crop for New World settlers in 1612, and by the 1800s, it was being chewed, smoked in a pipe and hand-rolled for easy inhalation. Cancer Council NSW (conducting and funding world class cancer research), notes: "In 1602, an anonymous English author published an essay titled Worke of Chimney Sweepers, which stated that illnesses often seen in chimney sweepers were caused by soot, and that tobacco may have similar effects. This was one of the earliest known instances of smoking being linked to ill health."30 It took another 200 years for a German named Sammuel Thomas von Soemmerring to notice that mouth cancers were a hallmark of some pipe smokers. In 1798, an American doctor wrote about the dangers of tobacco, but it wasn't until the 1920s that actual research and medical reports cautioned the public. In the '50s and '60s it was confirmed: Ingesting tobacco can spike a range of serious diseases. With all that in mind, the medical world has been somewhat dumbfounded by the way e-cigs have completely changed the tobacco industry, which is why the science is absent in regard to what kind of damage, if any, habitual vapers can expect in regard to their health. The Verge observes: "Needing more independent data is a common theme: vaping is so new that there's a ton we don't know about it yet, which means that people who use these products are mostly left to figure out the risks and benefits on their own. Thanks to a massive study of studies from the National Academy of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine, we know vaping probably exposes smokers to fewer toxic chemicals than smoking does and may cut their risk for short-term health problems, too."31 Vaping Juuls: The Bottom Line A PLOS One study suggests there's a two- to seven-times greater possibility that vaping teens will move on to the real thing.32 But while experts say vaping can be a gateway to smoking in the traditional sense, one Juul spokesperson maintains that using e-cigs hasn't been proven as "causally related to cigarette use." Interestingly, the National Academies doesn't comment on whether vaping helps people stop smoking (and a reported 70 percent of adult smokers say they want to quit33) any better than other FDA-approved recommendations, such as using nicotine patches, gum or lozenges.34 On the other hand, the Academies recently revealed incontrovertible evidence that using e-cigs creates a dependence on them.35 Vapers say that when they started, it was supposed to be a "transitional thing," but one couple admits they're still vaping two years later, and ask, "At what point does the transition get us off of nicotine completely?" To simply start vaping less is like telling smokers to smoke less, one Juuls user grouses, because the product, he says, is essentially designed to make you want to use it more. There's talk of the company rolling out lower-dose pods, but the company declined to comment on when or how. Meanwhile, Juuls are patent protected, and their expanding customer base is flourishing, which is going to make it hard for the powers-that-be at Juul to switch up the status quo in regard to how the product is made, because it's quite profitable. After all, Castro says, "The entire conception, premise, operations, mission of the company is to eliminate cigarettes and get adult smokers to switch to our vapor product." One could compare it to putting a finger in a leaking dike, but before the first quarter of 2018 was out, 11 U.S. senators sent two letters to Juul Labs Inc., stating that the company's products undermine the fabric of the nation's efforts to curb tobacco use, and calling the company out for putting "an entire new generation of children at risk of nicotine addiction."36 Time will tell whether or not there's a positive response.

[prochoice--forlife-blog]

Cheap homemade halloween costumes for kids in 2017

October 31 seems to creep up on us. Still set on treating Junior to that one-of-a kind disguise ? Frightened by the thought of creating your own costume from scratch? Don`t be. Get into the spirit with ideas that can pulled together with coffee filets cupcake liners, and more household items. We know it`s tempting to just give up and head to the Halloween shop for some packaged kid costumes, but just think about how unique your child`s outfit will be in case you use one of those ideas as inspiration. These Halloween costumes for children vary from easy to more complex, in order to pick your favorite centered on your skill level. All those could be accomplished during some free time on the weekend, so you won`t have to plan too much in advance. In case your kid is begging for a store bought costume, you will find a lot of options to cause them to reconsider, including two kinds of peacock choices, mermaid, aviator, and a race car driver. You can even sweeten the deal by bringing them with you when you purchase the components so they have a component in making the disguise. When Halloween comes around, they`ll be content to have a completely unique costume.

Thornhill daycare

Flapper Costume

A Roaring Twenties revival: Dancing her way round the neighborhood with a bob-cut, strands of pearls plus a hot pink dress that, well, we produced for twirling. The fringe on the dress is made from something totally unique: Pink Post-it notes. Use fringe scissors or normal scissors to minimize slits on the notes and connect rows and rows of them onto the dress with tape. Both the “flowers”around the headband and gown are made from cupcake liners. After you`ve prepped the dress, be sure you practice the Charleston or Turkey Trot along with her before the big night.

Ice Cream Sundae

For the little one who h-AS a main sweet-tooth (and whose kid doesn`t have one), this costume requires the works: vanilla ice-cream, strawberry syrup, chocolate fudge, and also a cherry on top. You`ll need a brown capelet, pink tan top, felt, and fish net cloth to produce the outfit. Plus, don`t forget the cherry—that one is created from a headband, felt, quilt batting, along with a Styrofoam ball. Dress her up in some leggings underneath so she doesn`t get also chilly Halloween evening.

Cobalt Peacock Costume

Here comes little miss wonderful with her vibrant feathers and her chipper disposition. Just when you thought one peacock costume wasn`t enough, here`s an option that`s in a deeper, cobalt-blue. This model is ideal for little kids who might not have endurance to get a lengthier —the “train” is shorter on this one. To generate this one, you`ll require the same feathers made of cupcake liner and tissue paper, but instead of creating lengthier ones, you`ll want to keep them shorter. Don`t neglect to complete the outfit with a decorative headband.

Lamb Costume

What`s blaahk, white, and fluffy all over? This sweet little lamb. The snuggly costume is equally comfy and cozy, which is perfect for a a cold Halloween night. You`ll need a very long sleeve shirt, leggings, and plenty of cotton balls to complete the disguise. The “hooves” around the costume are just strips of black tape attached to the sleeves and pant legs. And don`t forget concerning the ears: Connect two-pieces of black felt to some cap. He is able to wear white sneakers, or canvas slip-ons. Throughout the countdown to Halloween evening, help him practice his “baa” sounds.

Flower

Mary Mary, really opposite, how does your garden grow? Using the help of the flower. This one works for the more little types to the children that are larger, too. Dress your kid in green leggings and a lengthy -sleeved tee. For the principal component, the “petal” collar, you`ll require yellow and pink felt (you can also opt for the child`s favored colors) and green pipe cleaners. Cut out petal designs to the lower of the petals from your felt and glue pipe-cleaners. Add in certain accessories like a watering can (which may also double as a Halloween handle bag).

Fisherman Costume

This seafarer is positive to reel in compliments (and candy!) with this low-upkeep disguise. There`s no catch to how effortless this costume is to make—but there are a couple household items needed. The only factor you`ll require to make is the fishing pole—for the rain-coat and pants, just a-DD a strip of silver tape to the arms, legs, and torso portion of the jacket. For the fishing pole, you`ll need a wooden dowel, toilet paper roll (which will be the “reel”), ribbon along with a ceiling hook. By buying toy fish and possibly even a bucket hat Accessorize.

Genie Costume

Have a desire or two or three. If she`s dreaming of a magical disguise, then observe how rapidly this one comes together—poof!—just like that. Create a jacket using a lengthy sleeve shirt cropped and cut down the middle, then attach jacket fasteners. Add gold dot stickers and gold tape to the “jacket”and a blue jumper. The hat is a gold celebration hat with scarves attached. Don`t forget to add in add-ons like a “magic carpet” plus a gold lamp (or just a tea pot spray-painted gold).

Strawberry Costume

Think strawberry period is over? Think again. This unique costume is just best for Halloween and is is among the the kid costumes that are easiest to make. The sweet disguise begins using a ripe red-shirt along with a pair of leggings that are matching. The “seeds” about the best and bottoms are created from yellow craft paint. The fruity look with a stem made from pipe cleaners, felt and more. Major reward: the outfit is comfy enough that your little one won`t be itching to get out of it during trick-or-treating around the neighborhood.

Love Bug Costume

Hooray for the pink and red lady who landed in the garden. The love-bug costume is for the kid who zips around providing everybody else hugs and kisses. Her cuteness will be off the charts—plus, she`ll love dancing around in the tulle skirt. To make the heart felt costume, you`ll need to minimize hearts out of red, pink, and black felt and glue to a long-sleeved shirt and tutu. Don`t forget to add“wings” by fashioning them out of tights along with a wire hanger. Pair a headband attached with even mo Re hearts and the outfit with entertaining tights.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: 5.12.2007 & 5.13.2017

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart this week and this week ten years ago

5.12.2007

6) "I'll Stand by You," Carrie Underwood

I completely understand why so many people bought this. I don't think my life was improved by having heard this? But, y'know, it wasn't as melodramatic as I was expecting, maybe I picked the wrong video but it's just a nice well-sung acoustic cover of a song which I'm sure was construed as inspirational for the Idol Gives Back thing (and remembering that this was Idol Gives Back this week, yup, mm-hmm, definitely watched the wrong video), I'm glad there wasn't a thousand things happening, but like 2007 is supposed to provide a nostalgic rush, either consider a song we all knew and loved/hated back in the day or uncover a classic, and listening to this is just... Unnecessary?

8) "Never Again," Kelly Clarkson

The first line of this song is, "I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green," which is a hell of a thing to say. One can assess all the reasons why this is the only Kelly Clarkson single to chart in 2007 -- hey remember ten years ago when a record label could win a PR battle with a female artist seeking creative autonomy? Good times! -- but honestly, there's nothing wrong with this song on its own, this is a pretty superb, dark-as-hell break-up song, but it's also the sixth or seventh consecutive Kelly Clarkson breakup song? Like, her discography to this point is "A Moment Like This" and then a shitload of break-up songs, some anthemic, some mournful, and while I get why they would be sick of Kelly Clarkson break-up songs -- worth noting her next big hit was “My Life Would Suck Without You” -- if the 2007 public wasn't willing to hear the dark version of the kind of song Kelly Clarkson does extremely well, that's on them. This song is rad, and while I'm probably not gonna go back and listen to My December, I'm figuring that album is prolly a jam.

28) "Icky Thump," The White Stripes

...Do I have to like this song? I get that I agree with it, and I get that The White Stripes area thing people who like music tend to like, and this is the most I ever enjoyed The White Stripes' whole, y'know, thing (this and “My Doorbell”), but I don’t want to like this song. It’s just, I dunno, Jack White’s this whole person, and I don’t like engaging with that person?

56) "Up to the Mountain," Kelly Clarkson ft./Jeff Beck

yes just like the carrie underwood thing this was a very good american idol performance and like i wanna be snarkier but last week 2007 handed me seven country dude songs and, just, i would take a thousand american idol performances before another week with that many country dudes. given the alternative, this is the greatest thing i could have ever possibly heard.

65) "Signal Fire," Snow Patrol

So like, I graduated high school in 2007, right? That's kind of the connection to these songs, like, these songs would have been the soundtrack to my high school experience if I had friends who listened to pop and/or rap radio. (Hence all the buttrock appreciation in these posts. Like, real talk, Shinedown is a terrible band to which I have such a profound nostalgic connection that I routinely have to rewatch their videos just to be 100% sure that particular Southern rock band doesn't have any Confederate flags in them.) So there's a 10-year reunion coming up which I'm probably not going to go to, but like imagine a 10-year high school reunion. You see your friends. You love your friends! You are all very successful and beautiful! You see the people you hated. You greatly enjoy how fat they got and cheated on they were! You go to the punch bowl for some delicious, fruity punch, and you see the person that sat behind you in chemistry. They seem OK. You mention the crazy weather you've been having recently, and they agree, the weather is crazy. This song is that social interaction. It's a nice Braffcore song that I wasn't thinking about then and am not presently thinking about now.

78) "You Raise Me Up," Josh Groban & The African Children's Choir

...Yeah, so like, no? Thank you! But, no, I'mma sit this one out. I understand that we want different things out of life. I will not get in the way of this song's goals, and I will not invite it to impede mine. But thank you so much for bringing this to me!

84) "If I Was Your Man," Joe

I refuse to actively engage with this song on the grounds that even coming up with this angle for a capsule review required more thought and effort than was put into the writing and recording of this song. This is a middle slider in song form. They couldn't even be bothered to give this artist a name. "Joe." Joe doesn't even stand for anything, he's just a fucking guy named Joe who wants to date someone and enjoy all the attendant benefits. Sometimes, you hear a song, and you're taken to an amazing world or shown a new aspect of life or filled with the inspiration needed to tackle the day's problems, and this song is like, "Meet Joe! Joe's a dude who has a crush on someone," and Joe doesn't say anything or even wave his hand to acknowledge you. He just sits there, moving nothing.

93) "I Don't Need a Man," The Pussycat Dolls

"I don't need a hand if it only wants to grab one thing." In addition to the world, the 2016 presidential election also ruined my ability to enjoy a 10-year-old Pussycat Dolls song. Also, Kara DioGuardi. It makes sense that Kara DioGuardi and Donald Trump would describe the female anatomy in equally clumsy ways. Maybe there was no way for Kara DioGuardi to know that, ten years after this song was published, the term "grab" could reference something other than the ass when used in reference to a woman's body, but she's bad and this song is trash so I'm definitely going to hold it against her.

99) "Sexy Lady," Yung Berg ft./Junior

...I am going to applaud this song for having the audacity of using a "Diamonds Are Forever" sample. Like, Kanye doesn't own the rights to the song, and it's a completely different beat, but it's still kinda weird to turn on a song and say, "Oh, hey, someone used that song as a sample in a song I like a lot more!" And like how are you going to use the "Diamonds Are Forever" sample on a song that isn't about diamonds at all? The song doesn't mention jewely of any kind. Like, I don't know, maybe Yung Berg has always been famously anti-consumerism and I just never bothered learning that about him, but if you're a pop/rap artist in 2007, and you're going to take a sample from an iconic song about material goods, hey, I'm not a songwriter, but maybe write verses about material goods? This is as weird as a song can be without having an ounce of originality.

100) "Wipe Me Down," Lil Boosie ft./Foxx & Webbie

One weird thing about 2007 songs is, so like, when I listen to a song with, say, Lil Yachty on the track, I hear every single disgusting thing Lil Yachty has to say about the things he wants to do to a woman, and which parts of the woman he would prefer to do them to. And then you listen to a 2007 track, and there'll be half a verse missing because the record label was scared that their video would be deleted from the internet if they said the n-word. Apart from the unnecessary censorship, I dunno, this was kind of the standard Southern-pop/rap song. Repetitive to the point you just give in and enjoy it, not really about anything in particular, just annoying enough to be memorable but not annoying enough to be appreciated ironically. There were always gonna be dry spells. 2007 is very much in one, Kelly Clarkson notwithstanding.

The Top 20! With infinitely more Kelly Clarkson than ever before! 20) "When I See U," by Fantasia (4.21.2007) 19) "Movin' On," by Elliott Yamin (3.17.2007) 18) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 17) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 16) "Breath," by Breaking Benjamin (4.14.2007) 15) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 14) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 13) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 12) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 11) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 10) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 9) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 8) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 7) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 6) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 5) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 4) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 3) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) Alright. 2007 had a bad week. 2017 didn’t fuck up Kendrick week. Is it gonna fuck up Paramore week?

5.13.2017

44) "There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back," by Shawn Mendes

So before I even listen to a single note, the inconsistency of the title's abbreviations has me peeved. Why would you abbreviate one word but not the other? Is one g much more special than the other? Does Shawn Mendes pronounce the g in nothing, but not the g in holding? Because I've heard Shawn Mendes sing, I'd be surprised if he hits the "th" and the "ld" in those words. /// You know what? I'll give it a "not as bad as the title." I don't come away from this song having made any new conclusions about the world or Shawn Mendes as a person, so I can't really argue that this was worth the three minutes of my life it took, but it's not Joe-level nothing, so hey! It has that going for it!

64) "Lust for Life," by Lana del Rey ft./The Weeknd

I'm not here to make a judgement call about the modern adolescent experience in relation to the one I went through. I think this song is fine, it's actually kind of great in a way I'm not gonna bother to place, but I think that it's worth noting that the modern teen's "Hot in Herre" is this. There's a lot of value in a sad song with the "take off all your clothes" refrain, again I dug this, but I didn't dig it enough to try to figure out why that might be, because I'm just thinking about what a jam "Hot in Herre" is and how I think I've heard like maybe two great party jams over the course of this project. We had "Run Up," you guys. The teens don't want to party. And, I mean, why should they, it's rough out there, maybe they deserve to just shrug when they see their boyfriend approach and say, "Huh, he got a little cooler. Le sigh."

68) "Attention," by Charlie Puth

Not gonna lie: when I saw that Shawn Mendes and this dude were on the ledger for this week, I thought the milquetoast white boy army was gonna ruin this W for Paramore. I thought the weight these two idiots would add to 2017 would give the W to a week in 2007 with a Kara DioGuardi joint. But just like the Shawn Mendes song, this was acceptable! In fact: I would give this a B-! It's not as drastic a zag as when Ed Sheeran dropped "Sing," but this is reasonably funkier, a degree of funk which I never would have thought Charlie Puth capable of achieving. I think this song might be his ceiling, I can't imagine having as good a time with Charlie Puth as I did with him here (especially now that the element of surprise won't be in play), but, y'know, solid three and a half minutes. Not the worst!

87) "do re mi," by blackbear

Ah, so THIS is where we were keeping the unexceptional white boy! I knew he had to be hiding somewhere! This is the song you write you have completely purged your life of everyone who told you that you weren't clever. This is the song you write after having no one around to tell you that the fact of a curse word isn't edgy on its own. "Do re mi fa so fuckin' done wit' ya" is a garbage line because the shock is being solely derived from the use of the f-word, and that can only get ya so many times; by the time he repeats it for the sixth time, you'll think it's do re mi fa so lame he couldn't think of anything cooler to do with the conceit than recite the scale then swear. You're a songWRITER, dude! You tellin' me you could only think of one pun based on the scale? OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN AIN'T GOT THE MONOPOLY ON SCALE-BASED PUNS, YA KNOW. SO MANY OTHER WORDS BEGIN WITH FA. TRY HARDER.

90) "Hard Times," by Paramore

gosh this song fucking rules. y'all mind if i'm just a boy writing a diary for a second? because this is a song about me. i'm someone with a defeatist attitude, i'm the exact sort of person who meets hard times by giving up, and that's what this song is, it's a song about giving in and feeling defeated. they're not looking back on low points in their life and saying, "gosh, can you believe we made it?" they're sinking deeper and deeper still into a depression and saying "how the fuck do we survive," and that's such a beautiful sentiment, especially in the trump era, where i'm sure a lot of us are still shellshocked and feel the task is too tall. but they're putting this happy, energetic face on it, this song is this bouncy uptempo jam about being incredibly depressed, because it's easier to pretend you don't need help than it is to ask. i love this song. i don't care if it falls off the chart next week, it's the new #1.

93) "My Girl," by Dylan Scott

...I think I'm just feeling generous today. I'm willing to give this a "didn't mind it." Am I amazed that they just keep finding new dudes to make this exact country song? Yeah. But, it's like the Shawn Mendes song, there just isn't enough in here for me to react negatively to. The Eminem reference is probably the most exotic shoutout in country music going, and especially refreshing because I'm still angry at "Johnny Cash" from last week, and the dude has the bass country voice going, he has that earth-shaking twang instead of that nasal fuckboy twang a lot of these dudes got going on. It wasn't as engaging as that "Hurricane" thing from a couple months ago, so I'm still gonna call it bro country, but this is probably the least I'll ever mind bro country. Congratulations, Dylan Scott! Of all the bro country chucklefucks, you have emerged as the least chucklefucky!

Top 20! Only one new entry! It’s an important one. 20) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 19) "Heatstroke," by Calvin Harris ft./Young Thug, Pharrell Williams & Ariana Grande (4.22) 18) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 17) "You Look Good," by Lady Antebellum (4.22) 16) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 15) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 14) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 13) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 12) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 11) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 10) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 9) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 8) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) May you last longer than “Run Up,” “Hard Times.” 

Who won?

2017. Neither had a great week, apart from one exceptional song from both sides. “Hard Times” is simply better than “Never Again,” is what it comes down to. And now: 2017 has the lead for the year! 2017: 4 2007: 3 Looking into the future, 2007 has four songs. 2017 will be entering “Young and Menace” probably. ...I already don’t like next week.

[theagingboomer]

Have you ever wondered why finding a wine you love is like cozying up with an old friend or a good date? Maybe it’s because the characteristics of the wine you are having a relationship with feels almost like a human interaction.

Zeroing in on that special wine that doesn’t bankrupt you…puts a smile on your face, relaxes you and awakens your senses is not so easy to find. But once you find that unique wine, you may want to take it home and keep it flowing forever. (Dare I say…marry it?)

Wine connoisseurs are brilliant at describing each wine’s personality. It turns out that very language is actually transferrable to the personality descriptors of our friends, family, lovers and ourselves. I would go so far as to say, we can use the language of personality characteristics of wines to help us zero in on the character traits of people.

The truth is, the varied taste of different wines reflects a cross section of humanity.  I know that sounds deep but it really isn’t, it’s actually eye-opening.

In preparation for our Passover Seder I found this incredible wine chart from winefolly.com. What struck me as ironic and a bit comic was the wine descriptors sounded human. It’s true…wine descriptors actually sound like people we know. And even stranger is our relationship to those wines can take on a human form as well. Some wines, like people, we are attracted to, even crave, others we walk away from without ever looking back.

As I was picking out a few wines for the dinner, I was thinking about how varied their traits were and that’s what makes the selection process a bit like dating. Reading about wines can be as confusing as going on E-Harmony.

As with most relationships, trial, error, getting a good recommendation and  having a good first impression (as in the label), helps the vetting process.

Reading through the Wine Description Chart from “Wine Folly” I was able to put some language around the experience I was having with some of the new wines I was trying out, but couldn’t help thinking they remind me of  people I know as well.

For instance:

Complex yet palatable;

Sour and putrid…you just want to spit. The bitterness is way to sharp for the senses to bear;

So sweet you are first drawn in and then feel slightly nauseous. You can only ingest it in the smallest doses.

Here’s a few of the wine descriptors…sound like anyone you want to cozy up with… or discard?

AUSTERE: This is a very unfriendly wine. It hits your mouth and then turns it inside out. It usually means the wine has very high acidity and very little fruit flavors. An austere wine is not fruit-forward nor opulent.

BIG: Big describes a wine with massive flavor in your mouth that takes up all sections of your mouth and tongue. A big wine is not necessarily a fruit-forward wine, it can also mean that it has big tannins.

BUTTERY:  This one sounds like the comfort friend. The one that you just tuck in with…cozy up on the couch with and binge watch netflix. No need to fill the empty void with chitter chatter. Total acceptance.

A wine with buttery characteristics has been aged in oak and generally is rich and flat (less Acidity). A buttery wine often has a cream-like texture that hits the middle of your tongue almost like oil (or butter) and has a smooth finish.

CHEWY TANNINS:  This is the person that makes my heart race with anxiety, When the When you take a sip of wine with chewy tannins, it dries out the interior of your mouth so that you “chew” or clean the tannins out of the insides of your mouth.

DENSE: (This one is almost politically incorrect). When a wine writer pairs down his lengthy description of flavors and characteristics of a wine into one word, he uses dense. Dense is favored for use in bold red wines such as cabernet sauvignon, Côtes du Rhône and Brunello di Montalcino but usually isn’t a positive characteristic in other wines because it implies that wine is handicapped.

ELEGANT: When a wine writer says elegant he means that the wine is NOT big, NOT fruity, NOT opulent and NOT bold. Off-vintages are often referred to as elegant vintages as they have higher acid and tend to have more ‘green’ characteristics. Elegant wines may taste like crap when they first release but they also tend to age better. Elegant is that retired ballerina who puts the fat-n-sassy retired cheerleaders to shame.

INTELLECTUALLY SATISFYING: This is a rare but special occurring term used by one of the most famous wine critics, Robert Parker. Robert Parker is sure that if you are not satisfied by this wine on a hedonistic and intellectual level then you don’t deserve to drink it. This is probably true, because these words are reserved for the wines we can’t afford anyway…

JAMMY: Sommeliers and wine experts cringe when they hear this term while the rest of us delight. Jam is delicious and it is part of the PB&J experience. In wine, jammy indicates a wine with a cooked berry sweetness that is syrupy and often is used to describe American wines like zinfandel, grenache, cabernet franc and Australian shiraz…don’t be a hater.

What wine best describes you or your partner?

How fun is this list?

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