#holiday anxiety has officially kicked in

[neonbitemarks]

brain got that squirelly could-be-a-panic-attack-in-the-making feel that only 3 different 10hr rain asmr videos layered up with the same song on loop can fix

[genevievemd]

Open Heart: Sara’s Version

(In chronological Order, some fics listed twice as they have multiply years in them)

Three Birthdays, One Love: a glimpse at Genevieve’s birthday throughout her residency.

Your Midnights: Two New Years, four years apart.

A Mile High: Bk 1, Ch 10 - Gen struggles on the flight to and from Miami, and is met with unexpected comfort from Ethan.

Tattoo: After finally spending the night together, Ethan discovers Gen’s hidden tattoo.

Ethan texts MC while on a terrible blind date (set at the beginning of book 2)

The Heart Wants…: After going on a terrible blind date, Ethan agrees to meet up with Genevieve. But it’s harder than they both imagined.

The Exception: Set after chapter 5 of book 2. Ethan finds out that MC (Genevieve) kissed Bryce at the music festival and is heartbroken at the thought that she’s moving on.

An Ocean Away: After helping Gwenyth Monroe, she invites the team to attend the “Influencer’s Ball”, where Ethan and Gen wrestle with their feelings for each other.

A Call to Arms: After Ethan’s reset continues to fall short, Genevieve gives him an ultimatum

In My Veins: Ethan finds himself in a bar, trying to get Genevieve out of his head.

Three Birthdays, One Love: a glimpse at Genevieve’s birthday throughout her residency.

Long Story Short, Chapter One:  Ethan is struck with jealousy when he sees the woman he desires with someone, he thinks, is new. Aka Ethan meets Patrick. (Set during Gen’s second year)

Wave of Gray: Ethan deals with his feelings after the attack.

A Picture to Burn: While secretly staying at Ethan’s apartment after the attack, she discovers something she shouldn’t.

Forever Winter: After the attack a month prior, Ethan worries when Genevieve doesn’t embrace the holidays like she usually does.

Peace: After dropping Louise off at rehab, Ethan has a startling revelation.

Everything Has Changed: Now that her second year is over, Ethan realizes its time to make their relationship official, AKA Ethan finally asks Gen on a real date. Prequel to Begin Again

Begin Again: After months of waiting, Ethan finally asked Genevieve out on a real date. Their first offical date.

Long Story Short, Chapter Two:  Gen finally reveals a painful part of her past to Ethan. (Set a month after their first date)

Long Story Short, Chapter Three:  While on a trip to see Gen’s hometown, the couple run into another one of Gen’s exes.

Breathe Through: When her anxiety rears it’s head in the middle of the night, Genevieve realizes she finally has someone to lean on.

A Conversation With His Father: While visiting his father, Ethan comes to a realization.

Gen gets jealous after a random girl DM’s Ethan

Three Birthdays, One Love: a glimpse at Genevieve’s birthday throughout her residency.

Like the Leaves: Gen discovers that not everything is like it used to be.

Kicking it Up a Notch: (NSFW) the first time Genevieve sends Ethan a spicy photo, and things go from hot to hotter,

A doctors from Solomon Kenmore Messages G, insert Jealous Ethan

Resolutions: It’s New Year’s Eve 2020, Ethan and Gen spend the holiday on a romantic getaway. Where they both make secret resolutions.

MC’s 101 Days of Smiles Summary: One post a day, for 101 days, with something that made MC smile.

All edits and fics

Evidence: Though he’s asked her not to mention it, Genevieve insists on celebrating his 39th birthday – even if it’s just for a moment.

A Moment of Peace: A continuation of Day 20′s 101 Smiles post, in which Ethan comforts Gen.

Four Letters: A mini fic to go with Day 26 of Genevieve’s 101 Days of Smiles

Love Letter: It’s Ethan and Genevieve’s first Valentine’s Day as an official couple.

Their Forever: Ethan had a terrible day, and MC surprises him with dinner.

The Balcony: Two years after their first trip to Miami, Ethan and Gen return for another conference and enjoy a quiet night on the balcony.

Long Story Short, Chapter Four:  While at a conference in Miami, Gen runs into her most recent ex.

The Talk: Ethan and Gen discuss their future while at a conference in Miami. Follow up to The Balcony

The Diamond: MC and Ethan come home from a charity gala, and the night takes a surprising turn. (aka the man proposes)

The Year Between [April - July] Summary: Following their engagement, Ethan and Gen navigate the year between the ring and wedding.

All edits and chapters 

Meet the OC’s

The Year Between (Season 2) [July - May, series end] Summary: Following their engagement, Ethan and Gen navigate the year between the ring and wedding.

All edits and chapters

Meet the OC’s

Gen asked Ethan if he had a “work wife”

MC’s 102 Smiles  Summary: One post a day, for 102 days, with something that made our new bride smile

All Edits

Bullseye: It’s Ethan and Gen’s first date night as an officially married couple, and they spend the entire time flirting

Texting Dr Simp

Something About You: (NSFW) While on a group trip to Cape Cod, Ethan and Gen find a way to get some alone time. (Set in Day 91 of 102 Smiles)

Checking in With the Ramsey’s : A quick check in with newlyweds, Ethan and Gen – and it’s date night! (follow-up to 102 Smiles ahead of the next part of the series, ‘tis the damn season)

A Weekend Away With the Ramseys

‘tis the damn season  Summary: The final 8 months of Ethan and Gen’s first year of marriage

All Edits

Sunset Glow: (NSFW) At the end of a long work day, Ethan finds himself distracted by his wife.

Lover: (NSFW) Ethan spends the evening worshipping his wife on her birthday.

Absence Makes the Heart (part of ‘tis the damn season)

Chapter 1: The Decision

Your Midnights: Two New Years, four years apart.

Snowy Thoughts: Gen watches Ethan play in the snow with their niece.

A Special Gift: Gen and Ethan have a special gift for their parents on Christmas morning.

A Christmas Elf: Gen surprises Ethan at the hospital with lunch… and their 4 month old daughter dressed as an elf!

Perfect Little Family: Ethan visits with his daughter on a break from work.

[world-of-fire-and-flight]

Mirth's Ebenezer: Part 10

A/N: Y’all. It’s official: this series has taken the title of “my longest series” from Love Letters (bonus chapters/outtakes excluded)✨

Warnings: swearing, argument, some hostility, vague threat, worry, anxiety,

My Masterlist | Taglist Info | Mirth’s Ebenezer series

“Welcome to our home away from home!” Superhero said, waving her inside before she’d even grabbed her bags from her car.

Glancing over at him standing in the utility room door and grinning at her, Mirth rolled her eyes. “I’ll admit it’s a pretty house and not at all what I’d expected from the whole ‘this is house arrest babysitting duty,’ but you’re way too happy to be here.”

“Who says I’m not happy because there’s finally another sane human being here,” Superhero said, stepping down into the garage to help her unload the car.

Mirth laughed. Swatting their arm, she hauled her duffle bag out of the trunk. “Oh, come on, he’s not that bad. You’ve just never drank his eggnog. It’s like all alcohol!”

Superhero cringed. “Must you remind me of your bonding time over Christmas?”

“It wasn’t bonding time,” Mirth growled. “It was my civic duty…more or less.”

Shutting her trunk, Superhero raised their brow. “Cut the crap. I know you had to claim ‘civic duty’ and all that for Whitmire, but was it really?”

“I don’t know…” Mirth shifted on her feet, biting her lip. “Maybe it was both. It was my first Christmas alone, okay? You know holidays are meant—”

“‘To be spent with people you care about,’ I know.” They led the way toward the utility room and into the house. “I’ve heard your motto. Maybe next year I won’t work Christmas so you won’t have to celebrate alone—or with a criminal.”

“You’d be more than welcome,” Mirth laughed, “but I’m hoping my family won’t be scattered to the wind come Christmas. You should really come and celebrate with us, give yourself a break.”

Superhero kicked the door shut behind them. “You know I don’t do big family gatherings…or gatherings.”

“It’ll be fun!” Mirth grinned. “And you don’t have to interact, you could just be your usual grumpy self but with other people around!”

Shaking their head, Superhero brushed past her. Mirth thought she saw a soft smile on their face, but knew they’d never admit to it. She followed after him, taking in the lightly decorated hallway with surprise. She’d expected bare walls and gray paint, but this house was anything but. Sure, it was only a generic painting here, a warm cream on the walls, and a shelving unit with a vase and some silk flowers there, but it made Mirth think that maybe the next three years weren’t going to be so bad after all.

“You really know how to tug at someone’s heartstrings.”

“I thought you didn’t have one, Supes,” Mirth teased, “I mean it’s very hard to tell under the whole ‘brooding hero with an immense sense of duty and justice coursing through their veins’ vibe you’ve got going on.”

Passing by another opening, Mirth saw that it was a sitting room with a large T.V. and a sectional couch.

A sectional couch, with a villain sitting upside down on it while he stared at the ceiling.

“Oh hey, Mirth,” Baron said, turning his head to glance over at them.

“Uh hi?” Mirth didn’t know what to make of him. And not just because of his chosen position, but because it was the first time she’d seen him without a mask. She glanced over at Superhero beside her. He only shrugged, as if he’d accepted the fact that this was to be their life for the next three years. “What are you doing?”

“Superhero hid the remote and there isn’t a single tool in this place that I can access.”

Murmuring to Superhero, she blinked. “You hid the remote?”

“I wasn’t watching another [Network] movie even if he held a knife to my throat,” they whispered back.

“The knives are with the tools!” Baron sat up, swinging his legs to the side and back to the floor. “And so are the forks and the spoons, and do you know how difficult it was to find a snack that didn’t require waking you up for a utensil last night?”

“No, actually, I wouldn’t know because you did wake me up when the alarm went off after too many failed passcode attempts on the supply closet door!” Superhero set down the duffle bag he’d been carrying and stalked over to Baron.

Standing toe-to-toe with each other, Mirth shook her head, watching as Superhero jabbed a finger at Baron’s chest. Sighing, she listened to them bicker back and forth with each other. And in that single moment, any hope for the next three years and living peacefully in this beautiful home evaporated.

“Right, well if you two are fine here, then I’m gonna go get settled,” she called over their raised voices.

Both heads snapped in her direction, their fight pausing mid-sentence. Superhero straightened, their features easing. They took a step away from Baron and turned toward her, opening their mouth to say something, but Baron spoke first.

“We thought you should have the master bedroom.”

Mirth’s brow raised in question.

“Yeah, so you wouldn’t have to share the hall bath with one of us,” Superhero added.

“Is that the only thing you two could agree on?” Mirth asked, setting her bag down and putting her hands on her hips.

Glancing at each other, the two seemed to have a non-committal conversation.

“No?” Superhero said more in question than in answer.

“Yeah, no,” Baron tried to explain, “I’m sure we agreed on something else, right, Superhero?” Snapping his fingers, Baron’s eyes sparked with remembrance. “That thing! We agreed on that thing, with the…”

“Yeah, the thing,” Superhero said, staring at Baron like he’d lost his mind. Looking back at her, Superhero started forward, “Come on, I’ll show you the—”

“I can find it myself,” Mirth said. “You two need to figure out how to live with each other in the next ten minutes, or…well I’m not sure exactly, but neither of you are gonna like it once I figure it out.”

Baron smiled, obviously trying not to laugh. “You’re such a hero. How are you honestly so good?”

Mirth groaned, nearly stomping her foot. Grabbing her bag, she didn’t dignify that with a response and stalked down the hallway.

*

Watching her go, Baron let out a shaky breath. He’d never really seen Mirth angry before, and if that was the extent of it, he didn’t think he had anything to really worry about.

“Don’t look so happy,” Superhero muttered. “If she’s genuinely angry at us, it won’t be good.”

Baron glanced at him, tilting his head. “I don’t think that’s what I’d consider anger, but okay, Supes.”

Whirling on him, Superhero glared at him. “One, we’re not friends. Don’t call me ‘Supes.’ And two, you’ve never seen what happens when Mirth gets angry. It’s subtle, but it’ll tear you down and gut you before she’s ready to forgive you.”

Baron couldn’t picture it being any worse than what he’d been through already. He was about to say as much, but Superhero stomped out of the sitting room, turning the opposite way from where Mirth had gone.

He didn’t think they’d done anything all that bad. People fight, they exchange words, they argue, so what?

Humming to himself, Baron decided he was going to get to the bottom of this before it became a bigger issue…and to hopefully avoid whatever possible fate Superhero seemed to fear.

Quickly making his way upstairs, Baron stopped before the closed door to Mirth’s bedroom. Inside, he could hear the light sounds of someone rummaging through the room. Nestled amongst the sliding of drawers and soft thuds or the twinkle of the room’s more delicate furnishings, he could hear Mirth muttering incoherently to herself.

His lips quirked into a small smile. Finally raising his hand to knock on the door, Baron prayed he’d figure out what to say in the time between Mirth heard his knocking and when she responded to him.

“I don’t care what you want, just go away!” she called through the door.

“But you don’t even know if it’s me or Supes,” Baron responded.

Utter silence echoed from the room now. Baron waited for some sort of acknowledgement, biting the inside of his cheek.

“You have a habit of showing up at my door at the worst possible times, do you know that?” Mirth’s voice was quieter now, though she sounded as though she stood just on the other side of the door.

“Why is this time bad?” he asked. Guilt wormed its way through his gut. His heart seemed to circulate the emotion through his whole body.

Mirth yanked open the door. Blinking, Baron took a step back, having not anticipated the door opening anytime soon. The anger and irritation he expected to see on her face didn’t show, and instead Mirth had a calm expression masking the tension of her features and the fire blazing in her eyes.

“Do you really not realize?” she asked. Baron opened his mouth to reply, but Mirth carried on. He shrank back as she answered the obliviously rhetorical question. “It hasn’t even been a day and you and Superhero can’t stand each other, pulling petty tricks or pranks on each other, and for what gain? You’re stuck here, they’re stuck here, and I’m stuck with you two. How are we supposed to do this for the next three years if I can’t even take a day without one of you calling me up and asking when I’ll be back? How are we supposed to make a schedule or learn to live with each other if you two aren’t willing to adapt?

“And that’s not even touching the fact that the Agency is essentially declaring war on Supervillain by investigating his spy within the Agency, or the fact that you’re going to help us in finding them.” She stopped, sucking in a huge breath before rambling on. Baron listened, trying furiously to understand what she was talking about, but all he could think about was the fact that this was the first time Mirth had ever shown any sign of insecurity to him, and he didn’t know how to handle that or give her any semblance of assurance. “And what if Supervillain finds the safehouse? What are we supposed to do then? Or what if—”

“Mirth,” Baron interrupted quietly, “it’s fine, okay?”

She looked at him, as if seeing him standing before her for the first time. Blinking hard, she took a deep breath.

Baron shook his head as he saw her plaster on a tense smile. “No, don’t just pretend you aren’t worried or that me telling you everything’s fine actually makes you feel better. I know that’s bullshit.”

“It’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?” she said, huffing a humorless laugh. “I’m sorry, I just completely unloaded on you, I just have all this going on in my head and…having you two fighting constantly in the background is something I don’t want to have to worry about or be caught in the middle of.”

“Okay, then I’ll stop,” he promised. “Even though Supes is an easy target, if we have other things to worry about, I can refrain from my favorite past time.”

This time, Mirth laughed. Baron’s heart clenched. An idea sparked in his head. Eagerness quickly flooded his veins.

“Take your time and get settled,” he said, already turning away. Mirth’s brows drew together in confusion. “And come downstairs when you’re ready, I have an idea!”

“What sort of idea?” she called after him.

Smirking, he replied over his shoulder, “You’ll see!”

Part 11 Taglist: @feline17ff, @selene-stories, @violetcancerian, @kaiwewi

[lucy90712]

Dream- face reveal

wc- 1971 

Warnings: use of dreams real name

~ I have been friends with this guy on the internet Dream for about 5 years now, we talk all the time but we have never met in person and I have never seen his face. He doesn't show his face on the internet and I've never asked so it just never happened, he knows what I look like all too well because I like sending him stupid selfies and we FaceTime in the middle of the night all the time.

We have been trying to meet in person for years but things keep getting in the way and changing our plans first family issues, then a hurricane and then a whole pandemic. Despite all of this we have finally set a date to meet which is not going to change not for anything or anyone. It's going to be a big day or should I say month, as insane as it sounds I'm going to move in with Dream and Sapnap one of our other friends for a little while to really make this trip worth it even if it only lasts that long.

The process has been difficult because for me to get to Florida I need to get a plane which requires me to get tested before I fly and for my own piece of mind I have been strictly quarantining for the past two weeks but its finally here. I fly out tomorrow morning. I went and got tested yesterday and got my negative result today which I need to get on the plane.

I've been packing all day today because to be there for a month I need a bunch of my set up and cameras so that my content doesn't just stop but then I also need clothes and I can't seem to get both things to fit quite right.

At one point my phone started ringing but there was a mountain of stuff everywhere so I had to dig around to find it and when I did I saw that it was a FaceTime call from Dream, I picked up and immediately put my phone down to get on with my 5th attempt at packing.

"Yo hows it going?" Dream asked

"I'd say pretty average right now I'm super excited for tomorrow but my bag is giving me a hell of a fight" I replied

"Prop your phone up and I'll try and help" he said

I did as I was told and got my small tripod to rest my phone in where you could see what I was looking at. Honestly it was a mess and I was kind of embarrassed but Dream didn't need to know that and besides my face wasn't in frame so he couldn't see how embarrassed I was. I attempted putting everything in a slightly different way to last time which seemed to work until it came to fitting in my tripod and my wash bag of which there was no room for.

"Fuck sake I thought I had it then" I raged slightly

"Ok take out the webcam and forget about the tripod because I have ones that you can use and then try because I think that should give you enough room" he said

"Hell yeah thanks dream" I said after zipping up the suitcase

I flopped back on the floor tired from the minimal amounts of effort I had put in today which just shows how incredibly unfit I am. I recovered before getting up and moving my phone to my desk where I sat to talk to Dream.

We talked for a while until Sapnap came in and I talked to him for a little while, he's been living with Dream for a few months so he warned me about a few things like you don't wake Dream up which I took note of and he told me that Dream will just come and sit in your stream. Eventually they had to leave so I was left on my own to just kind of chill until it was an acceptable time to go to sleep.

Skip to the morning

I woke up at 5am when my alarm went off, I have a love hate relationship with my alarm because I only ever use it when I have something going on which is exciting but the sound makes me want to throw my phone out the window. Despite my annoyance I got up and went straight to the bathroom to shower and get dressed, I thought about wearing something nice but then I realised I had a 5 hour flight and I couldn't bare the thought of being sat down for that long not in comfy clothes. My comfy outfit consisted of leggings and one of my ex boyfriends hoodies because I never gave it back and I'm over it enough to just wear the hoodie whenever I want.

At just before 6 I got in my Uber to head to the airport seeing as my flight was at around 8 it would be wise to get there early. I wasn't sure how busy the airport would be seeing as you aren't meant to travel but I don't think I've ever seen an airport that wasn't busy.

I made it to the airport and as I assumed it wasn't heaving but there was still a fair amount of people around. I made my way through the crowds and checked in for my flight before heading through security and then making it to the main part of the airport. That part was less busy as there is more space for people to spread out into which made me much less anxious about people being too close. I had a little while to wait for my flight so I went and got some food because I haven't eaten today, and I don't want to end up with a headache.

When it was time for my flight to board I went to the gate and got straight into my seat watching as more people boarded but not as many as I expected, it was clear that all of the people on the flight had a good reason to be going to Florida and not just going on holiday and no one was sat together so all rules were being adhered to.

My flight landed 5 hours later and everyone filed off the plane going there own way leaving me kind of lost in a place that I wasn't used to and with the anxiety of going to meet Dream for the first time. I had a bit longer to wait because I had to get an Uber to the house even though dream offered to come and pick me up I told him not to because the less people at the airport the better and just incase people recognised me I didn't want him to accidentally face reveal.

I collected my suitcase and went straight out to the car park to get in my uber who was waiting just outside the doors in the designated area for taxis. As soon as I got in the car I text Dream letting him know I was on my way and sharing my location just in case things went south.

My uber stopped outside this one house and I got out walking up the drive taking in the house number to make sure I was at the right place which I was. Thats when the nerves really kicked in, I was about to meet one of my best friends in person for the first time. This is so insane to think that after all there years we get to do all the stupid things friends do.

I got to the door and rang the doorbell waiting the few excruciating seconds before I heard movement behind it indicating that there was someone there. It opened slowly and the first person I saw was sapnap who of course I was excited to see but we have talked properly on FaceTime before so I already know what he looks like.

Next another person popped up behind pushing sapnap out the way and giving me a hug straight away I knew it had to be dream but he ran over so quick that I didn't get to take in anything other than the fact he was hugging me. He pulled away and I got to look at his face, he looked pretty much exactly how I thought he would from the descriptions I have heard. As much as wavy length doesn't sound like a thing it somehow fit his hair and his eyes were also super green, he was definitely taller than I expected though this man towered over me like it was nothing and could definitely push me to the ground in a second but he looked kind just how you want a friend to be.

After a few minutes of freaking out that this was actually happening they let me inside and gave me a tour of the house showing me my room and the set up they had put together for me with a webcam and tripod just like dream said. They finished off the tour before I was made to sit and play whatever game they wanted with them.

We played an assortment of games for hours on end before we ordered food for dinner which we ate all chilling on the sofa. I almost forgot that my followers didn't know I was here but when I remembered I stole patches from dream and got him to take a picture of me with her to post on twitter and Instagram because people would get it without me having to explain. Not much of a grand reveal considering Sapnap did the same when he got here but I didn't really have any other ideas I mean its not like I can just do dream's face reveal for him with a picture on my twitter can I. The response to my tweet was insane within minutes people had got it trending and they were freaking out with all sorts of theories of if I'd officially moved in or if I was just visiting although both were kind of right.

Having spent a few hours here now I feel very at home they boys are really welcoming making sure I'm all good and not too tired after my flight which of course I am but sleep is for the weak so I'll wait. I have been told to call the two of them by their real names unless its on stream which feels kind of odd because I'm use to calling them what their know by despite knowing their real names the whole time. They have given me a nickname which I now go by to make it fair.

It was sad when the day came to an end when we all decided it was best to get some sleep even though I think their going to stay up and they said it for my own sake because I've been yawning non stop for the past 2 hours but either way I'm going to go to sleep and this day (one of the best days of my life) will become that of a memory.

Although I don't think this day could have gone any better its consisted of everything I've ever wanted to have in a friend but none of my friends back home if you can call them friends are into the same things as me so it never works out. Now I have two friends who share the same interests and have the same god awful sleep schedule so we can stay up messing around together if we want to which is what life as a 20 year old should be like. Fun.

[crystalk17]

Using Cookies to Break the Ice

This is my secret Santa gift for @infinimay

For @secret-shifters

Sorry for it being late. Some reason my account would not post anything. I would upload it, but nothing showed up. I called and got it fixed today. Hope you enjoy it!

"Hey, Virg! Where ya at?!"

Roman wandered around the house trying to locate the little guy. Knowing him he was most likely hiding. He never understood why he did this, they had to be passed this stage in their friendship. He knew seeing someone close to twenty times your size had to be frightening, maybe even scarring, but it wasn't like he did anything to warrant this fear. Maybe it was his energetic aura he had attached to him since he was a born dramatist, or maybe it was even how loud he was when he was excited or practicing his lines, but it shouldn't be this bad.

The Prince wandered through every room in his small one-bedroom apartment trying to find a sign. A crumb. A tool left behind. Maybe even the guy's hoodie. Something. He would even appreciate a scared squeak only because that was an indication he was inside.

"Hey Emo! You gotta tell me where you're at!" Maybe calling the borrower by his hated nickname would get him to come running out.

Nothing

He wandered over to the window with worry. "That idiot wouldn't have gone outside would he?"

Roman hoped...no prayed the borrower wasn't that frightened he tried to go outside. That would be a suicide mission, especially since that's why the borrower even met the human in the first place.

About a week ago the biggest blizzard came rolling in. The biggest anyone has seen in years. Most houses were snowed in only the lucky ones could even step outside, but why would they? You couldn't even reach your vehicles that had literal sheets if ice caked on them. For two days straight the wind screamed and raged at Roman to open his door to come outside just so it could claim one victim. After those two days, the storm became a snow day. The wind halted like God commanded it to die down and the weather was no match to that power. The snow still came down with a total of a few more inches after one more day.

Roman was cuddled in his red fuzzy blanket just ready for this all to end. He luckily had a generator for the necessities along with the warmest fire he has made in a long time and a mug of hot chocolate at his side. Nothing was going to make him budge from his forced vacation. Nothing except a little visitor.

As he was trying to fall asleep and balance a cup of boiling cup of chocolate in his hand he noticed something run right in front of the fire. At first, Roman didn't even think twice. A mouse. Probably a creature that ran into his house to get out of the storm. Nothing major he just had to decide between letting it go or removing all of his comfort items just to grab a rat and toss it back outside.

Reluctantly he moved his blanket to the side while placing the cup on the table. "I can't let something get into my food, I should probably take care of this."

The creak of the couch under his moving body was what caused the creature to spin around.

Both creature and Prince stared at each other for a few seconds. This was the first time Roman got a good look at the mouse in front of him...well borrower.

Shaking in place was a smaller human. Roman couldn't tell if the shaking was from fear or the cold. Could have been both at this point. The smaller human life form had on a purple and black cloth that was made into a loose shirt. It looked like a pretty good imitation of a sweatshirt. He wore blackish pants and messed up hair that was doused in melting snow. Well, his whole body was soaking wet, probably from the ice and snow already melting from the warmth.

That night Roman welcomed the new visitor. If he was so desperate to just run out into the open right in front of a human then he needed the kindness. The prince made sure to give him pieces of his cloth and any food he needed that night. He didn't get much in return besides the borrower's name. He didn't share any information, didn't say how old he was, even to give the borrower items Roman had to slide them over to him since the little dark boy didn't want to come anywhere close to the human unless he had to. Roman agreed to just give the guy space and if he did then the borrower would stay here until the snow melted. For a few days now the two have been...cohabitating. They would talk once in a while but never sat down to eat together or talk for long periods. At this point, Roman's curiosity was running like crazy. He had to find out something, get him to talk, something or all of this would be a waste, plus not knowing exactly who was living with him wasn't exactly unnerving, but it would be nice to know the guys eating habits, sleep schedule, family, something.

Today he officially decided no more hiding, he would force the little guy to come out and join him even if it killed him. "Hot topic!" he looked around one last time to make sure he wasn't around the house before putting his coat on. He was not leaving him outside.

"What do you want Roman! I was trying to sleep!" Virgil came stumbling out from underneath the couch rubbing at his eyes. He could see the relieved sight that was Roman but tried his best to ignore it.

"Well my two-inch dark friend we are celebrating the holidays and since you are a guest here you are joining in."

"Yeah, I'm good." Virgil started to walk back underneath the couch to continue with his sleeping but felt a warmth around his torso that he never wanted present. Ever. "I told you to never touch me!"

This was the first time since the borrower came to stay with him that he had the small human in his hand. He knew he probably shouldn't have done this, but he wanted to make sure the little guy knew what he planned. They had to try, but that wouldn't happen if the borrower was given the choice. He could feel the small struggles graze across his humongous hand. He knew this had to be uncomfortable. "Trust me, I don't want to do this either."

"Then put me down Princy!"

There were a few times that Roman swore he almost dropped the little guy because he wouldn't stop kicking or trying to pry the giant hand off of him. Before the horrible inevitable happened he dropped Virgil onto the counter causing him to stumble back and fall. He felt horrible and this was not the plan he wanted at all. "What the hell!"

"Well if you wouldn't struggle so much this wouldn't happen." he was just a bit too egotistic to admit he was in the wrong or even say sorry. "All that I was trying to tell you is that we have cookies to make."

"What do you mean that wouldn't have happened? I told you not to touch me in---wait. Cookies?"

"Yeah. It's a tradition to make them during the holiday season. Just because you're here it doesn't change anything ."

"Well, how am I suppose to help smart-aleck." Virgil crossed his arms not even glancing at the red and white dressed giant.

"Well, you could read the recipe or help me with ingredients. Doesn't matter to me. I just know you're not sleeping the day away"

"Fine if I'm going to be forced and held prisoner. I'll help with the cookies." Virgil said, a bit of irritation seeping into his voice, instead of anxiety. He watched as Roman took out ingredients such as sugar, eggs, milk, flour, then laid a giant piece of paper that took up half of the counter. He could tell it was old and used multiple times with the thousands of crinkles and creases all over it, luckily the recipe was written in red so it was legible. Watching the giant very apprehensively he made sure Roman didn't reach out for him again. He walked over and stood on the piece of paper reading it to himself.

"Are you going to-?"

"Oh right. The first ingredient is 2 eggs mixed with a cup of flour."

It took the two several hours to get this perfect. There were a few mess-ups that neither expected like making the batter too salty, another time the batter got spilled because Virgil was leaning against the bowl not expecting it to move from his weight, and another ended up all over the kitchen because Roman accidentally flicked some batter onto the borrower as he was using the mixer. Virgil growled a bit trying to scoop it off of his now messed-up sweatshirt. He noticed Roman trying to hide a laugh, so he approached his arm and smeared the batter there. Roman got upset and used a finger to placed some batter onto Virgil's head. The two went back and forth smearing the cooking ingredients onto each other trying to get the last laugh. Roman took it easy half the time to allow it to seem fair and exaggerated his reactions so he didn't feel so insignificant.

After placing the fourth batch of cookies into the oven Roman realized there were probably more ingredients all over Virgil than there were in the bowl and oven combined. He felt bad since only his fingers and parts of his arms and shirt were covered. On him, it looked like someone just flicked the materials at him. Virgil seemed to have the bowl dumped on him.

"Here. I can help you back to your place so you can change. I feel a bit bad about this." he was trying his hardest not to laugh or smile.

Virgil looked at the hand still skeptical, even Roman knew after earlier it would take a miracle for him to agree to this much trust. "Alright. Just...walk slow and not so much of a grip!" he barked out a bit.

"Alright Emo."

"It's not...Oh, forget it." Virgil climbed onto the surprised Romans' hand.

As slow as he could Roman crossed the room allowing Virgil to close his eyes and held his own body. He could tell he was trying his hardest not to shake, but it wasn't successful. The thing was, Roman understood. He was a naturally nervous boy.

The princely man placed his hand down slowly onto the ground so Virgil could climb off on his own. The rest of the night Virgil didn't see one sign of Roman. The annoying human didn't even come to check to see if he was clean. What Virgil did find was a cookie placed in front of the couch on a plate with a note.

Hoped this helped. Happy holidays come out to say hi when you can. I don't mind your company.

Virgil couldn't help but smile a bit and break off a few crumbs to bite into.

[thewayshedreamed]

This Time— Part 5

A Nessian Fan Fic

Fic Masterlist

This chapter was a tough one for me to write. I got stuck a few times with the order of things (for this chapter and the following ones). Once I decided on that, the angst in this one was a little emotional for me to write, then edit. So, proceed with caution. That’s the official angst warning!

On a more positive note, this is a definitive turning point toward resolution, so it WILL get better! Thanks again for all of you who have offered your feedback and followed the story. Knowing y’all are enjoying this little au with me makes it all the more fun to write 😊

Trigger warning for short depiction of grief.

——————————————————————————

Birthday breakfast was really more of a birthday lunch the day after celebrating at Rita’s. Elain was sitting at the small island of Nesta’s kitchen, nursing a Gatorade and holding her head in her hands. Feyre was next to her scrolling through her phone. She was doing intel on their group’s collective social media updates, and so far, there were no embarrassing posts to deal with.

Nesta was mixing pancake batter, periodically folding in chocolate chips. Chocolate chip pancakes were reserved for Archeron birthdays or holidays, and they looked forward to sharing them when the occasions presented themselves. She poured some of the batter into her skillet, absently watching for bubbles as her indicator they were ready to flip. After making the initial flip, she walked to her refrigerator and produced a bottle of champagne with orange juice.

“Who wants to open the champagne for birthday mimosas?” She set both bottles on the island, with glasses, before turning her attention back to the pancakes. Elain’s only response was a long groan. Feyre giggled, pulled the champagne toward her, and started untwisting the cage over the cork.

“What’s the expression, El? Hair of the dog? It may make you feel better.” She stood away from the island to pop the cork. The last things they needed were physical injuries.

“I guess it can’t make me feel any worse, right?” She picked her head up from her hands. “I’m going to go grab my phone,” she said, with a cringe. She padded away to Nesta’s room, returning seconds later. She was scrolling through her phone as she walked and stopped short once she met the threshold of the kitchen, a horrified expression on her face.

”Why the fuck would I have deleted all of my texts last night?!” Her voice was more shrill than normal, and her sisters’ eyes grew at her use of “fuck” during pancake breakfast.

It was Feyre who dared answer her. “Umm... I have no idea. Maybe it was an accident?”

”That’s a pretty impressive accident.” Nesta realized her comment wasn’t helping as her sisters glared in her direction.

Elain continued. “I’ll tell you why. Because drunk me tried to hide something from sober me.” She paused for a second, blushing. “My evidence, in case you were wondering, is a text from Azriel that says: ‘*laugh emoji* Not cool. You had me worried there for a minute, Ellie. Goodnight. Hope you enjoyed your birthday.’” She glanced up at them in horror.

Nesta gave her a small smile. “Ellie, I’m sure it’s nothing. Even drunk you couldn’t have said anything too terrible. Maybe just talk to Az? It would be better than wondering.”

Elain sat down, her anxiety palpable in the small kitchen. She was quiet save for the nod she’d given her sister in acknowledgment of her advice. Nesta assumed maybe she could use a little more encouragement since she didn’t look wholly convinced.

“I really think it’ll be okay. Az is reasonable and has probably said his own fair share of drunken things he would care to take back.” She offered a short chuckle before sipping her mimosa. “You could call him, maybe, or—“

”Nes, are you really preaching to me about communication right now?”

Nesta blinked, taken aback by the irritation in Elain’s voice. “I wasn’t trying to preach, El. I just meant you didn’t have to worry and could trust Az to give you a chance to—“

”The same way you gave Cassian a chance to fix whatever the hell you’re holding against him? Why should Az be any more gracious than you’ve been?” Elain snapped. Her shoulders rounded a little at her own words, and Feyre’s eyes grew to the size of two steel blue saucers.

“Cauldron, Elain,” she said, looking from one sister to the other. Her back was straight, anticipating Nesta’s best weapons: her words.

Nesta took several seconds to reflect on their current situation. It was such an unexpected shift, where Elain was the one throwing insults, and Feyre, of all people, was defensive of Nesta. She wasn’t used to this type of interaction with Elain, and her words stung more than she was willing to admit. She finished her mimosa in one swift gulp and placed her dishes in the sink.

“Lucky for you, Azriel is nowhere near as disappointing, or shitty, as I am. I’m going to shower while you two finish breakfast. I’ll bring you home when you finish.” Her tone was neutral, dry even. By all measures, it was on the milder side for Nesta. She was halfway to the bathroom when she heard Elain’s wavering voice.

“Nes, wait. I’m sorry I didn’t mean—“

“Don’t ever apologize for saying what you mean, Elain,” she said, coldly, before walking the rest of her way. She couldn’t get out of there fast enough, wanting to leave the gaping wound that Elain had ripped open far behind her.

——————————————————————————

The following week went by fairly quickly. Elain and Nesta had made up within the day, Elain insisting that she had spoken from her own nerves rather than how she truly felt. She asked if Nesta wanted to talk about what happened with Cassian, but she declined, saying it wasn’t a big deal. She tasted the lie the second it left her mouth, but she shoved that down with everything else.

Her attention to the day of the week was higher than usual in anticipation of Wednesday. She was oddly preoccupied with a day that truly meant nothing to her, but it had haunted her since she overheard Cassian’s conversation with Alis. When the day finally arrived, she found herself ruminating over their conversation, letting her imagination run wild with the possibilities of how they were spending their time.

She told herself that she didn’t care beyond the fact that he would usually tell her all about these sorts of things. Gods, it bothered her to no end that she wasn’t his person anymore.

That Thursday, she found herself getting ready for dinner with Tomas. He had called her that Monday to see if she’d like to go out, and she didn’t have a reason not to. She may have even wanted to go. The downside, when the day arrived, was that it happened to be a particularly brutal work day. She was at home touching up and mentally preparing herself for a couple of hours of conversation. She would usually call Cassian for pep talks on days like this, but their non-friendship was a dealbreaker in that department. Not to mention, he likely wouldn’t have cared to give her a pep talk for this particular night. Gods, it bothered her to no end that he wasn’t her person anymore, either.

Dinner had been fine enough. Tomas looked handsome and seemed completely engaged with her the entire night. He was interested in her work, how her life had been since he’d last seen her, and her friends. He made brief mention of her mother and how he had been really sad to hear that she passed a few years ago. His condolences were sincere, but Nesta found herself oddly defensive at his mention of her. He hadn’t known her well, since their relationship hadn’t lasted long, and she felt like he couldn’t possibly imagine the void she left in their lives.

She resisted any response beyond a “thank you”, knowing that her reaction was likely due to her death anniversary coming up within the week. The rest of the night had gone well. The food was good, the conversation was fine, Tomas was fine. They had a fine time together. Everything was just fine.

Which is why, she assumed, that Tomas had tried to kiss her at the end of the night. He had driven her home, walked her to the door, and hugged her goodbye. As he pulled away, his cheek lingered next to hers, face turning toward her in slow motion. She cleared her throat abruptly and reached into her bag for her key.

“Well, thanks for tonight! I had a nice time.” She had the key in the lock, and she was already mentally selecting her sweatpants for the evening.

“Wait.” Thomas grabbed her elbow, turning her around. “Why are you being so weird? I thought we had a good time?”

”We did. I just said I had a nice time.”

”You seem to be rushing out pretty fast for a person having fun.” He paused for a few seconds to allow her to insist that she was having fun, or to invite him inside, she thought. She did neither.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Is it Cassian?”

She knew she was balking at him, but she didn’t have it in her to control it.

“Are you kidding me? Just because I’m ending the night without kissing you or asking you to come inside and fuck me, there has to be a man responsible? Could it be because this night has taken us as far as it was ever going to?” She rolled her eyes, turned the key, and walked inside. “Goodnight, Tomas,” she said, as she shut the door in his face.

She kicked her shoes off in her entryway and tossed her purse onto the small table next to her door. She removed her dress over her head as she walked purposefully to her bedroom and ripped her sweatpants out of the too-full drawer. She pulled on an extra large t-shirt and went to the kitchen to pour herself some red wine. She settled onto her couch, put on some mindless television, and tried to relax.

She reflected over the night’s events. She was honest when she told Tomas that they had a fine time. She had enjoyed herself tonight, and she started to feel a twinge of guilt for snapping at him in her doorway. He hadn’t done anything wrong before asking that question, and if she was honest with herself, she knew why it bothered her so much. It’s not that he wasn’t handsome, that he was unkind, or that he was disrespectful. It wasn’t even that he had misjudged and asked the wrong question. The truth hammered through her brain like an ambush, and she was utterly incapable of stopping it.

He’s not Cassian.

——————————————————————————

Nesta watched several episodes of a home renovation show as she worked through her bottle of wine. She decided that it was the perfect type of show to watch on nights like tonight, where she was knee-deep in her thoughts. Her earlier revelation had sunken its claws into her brain, and she was having trouble thinking of anything else. She wasn’t sure at what point she had stopped fighting it— either glass 2 or glass 3. She finally allowed herself to take a critical look at all these pent up emotions, and noteworthy memories of Cassian started to play through her mind like a montage.

She is sitting in the passenger seat of an older, black pick-up truck. Cassian is driving, and they have the windows down to feel the cool fall breeze. They’re going for a leisurely drive because he got his license just yesterday, and he loves the freedom it’s given him. He doesn’t have to be a slave to his home life or his abusive father anymore. He can just drive. She makes a joke, and he’s laughing now. His mid-length waves are dancing around his face, and he turns to look at her for mere seconds before looking back at the road.

She sipped her wine thoughtfully, noting the memory as the first time he ever took her breath with how beautiful his joy could be. She remembered how her chest had burst with pride at being able to make him laugh and smile like that, despite his pain. She noted now what she was too scared to admit then: there was little she wouldn’t do to protect his happiness.

It’s junior prom, and she’s posted against the wall with a bottle of water. Her date is a total jerk, and she’s hoping that maybe he’ll just leave. His departure would be better than pretending to enjoy herself anymore. She sees Cassian approaching her from her left. He looks so much more mature in his tux, half of his waves tied back in a knot at the back of his head.

“Hey, Archie. Where’s your date?”

She chuckles softly. “I don’t know. But I think I like it that way. He’s kind of the worst.”

Cassian frowns. “Well, he’s an idiot, then. Dance with me?” He extends his hand to her, palm up, and offers her a half-smile. He looks almost nervous, and her heart swells with affection for him.

“Always. You’re my favorite person here.”

She wiped the tears from her face, not sure of when she started crying. The feeling now so vivid; her favorite person. The truth of that statement refused to be downplayed. She shook her head, realizing it to be as accurate as ever.

It’s her sophomore year of college, and her friends are at a local bar celebrating the end of finals. She hasn’t been able to see them nearly as often this semester, and she’s enjoying their time together. At a certain point, a guy she doesn’t know gets awfully too comfortable with her, and he’s touching her all over. She tries to walk away, and he grips her arm tightly as she fights against him. He’s so much stronger than she is, but her brain can only focus on getting away from him. Just before the panic sets in, she sees two familiar figures approaching from the side. Faster than she can note what is really happening, Azriel is separating the guy’s hand from Nesta’s arm and is shoving him too easily away from her. She’s immediately wrapped in a tight hug, her face tucked tightly into Cassian’s chest. She inhales his scent as she steadies her breath, and she clutches the back of his shirt like a lifeline. She isn’t truly crying, but tears are starting to pool in her eyes from the sheer relief of being safe with him. He pulls back only as much as he needs to cup her face with his hands. His brow is deeply furrowed as he scans her face in that knowing way of his, and his lips form a tight line. He is painfully concerned. He is furious. He is fighting all of those things to remain even for her.

“Are you okay? Nes, please. Talk to me. Tell me you’re okay.”

”I’m okay.” Her response is quiet, robotic.

“He’s gone. Azriel took care of it.”

She was yearning for a sense of normalcy, the intensity of his care becoming too much. She resorts to humor as she usually does.

“I’m surprised. It’s usually you who runs straight to the front lines. Forever the hero.” She cracks a small smile, hoping it’ll comfort him.

He’s still holding her face in his large hands. He drops his gaze briefly as he shakes his head, and when he looks back at her face, he’s wearing an ironic sort of smile.

“All I could see was you.”

The memory knocked the breath out of her, having been so long since she had thought about it. She understood his meaning then, but it hit her with a renewed vigor now. She superseded his basic instincts to protect, eliminate the threat. When it came to her, he trusted no one else and had to personally ensure she was okay. He would throw himself between her and anyone or anything that threatened her, and he would do it happily. Her heart clenched as she thought about how no one else could have made her feel comfortable or calmed her under those circumstances. Another tear rolled down her cheek at how careless she had been with his heart and how much she had taken him for granted. At how much she had always lied to herself. Because she was feeling particularly masochistic, she entertained one last memory, her tears pouring.

Her mother is terminally ill, and the doctors believe she will leave them any day now. It’s 3 AM, and her phone rings. Her father tells her she’s gone, and she holds herself together until she hangs up the phone. She is panicking; can’t catch her breath. Her father is calling Elain and Feyre, and they are supposed to meet at his house when they can get themselves ready. She doesn’t know how she will face this. She can’t do it. She can’t do it. She Can’t. Do. It.

Her fingers work automatically, pressing Cassian’s contact and putting him on speaker phone. Holding it to her face seems too taxing, and her tears will smear all over the screen. He answers in two rings, his voice gravelly with sleep.

”Nes?”

Her only answer is a choked sob, followed by several attempts at catching her breath.

“Nesta. I’m on my way. Stay on the phone with me.”

She complies, finally mastering herself enough to say, “Momma” through her sobs.

“Nesta. Sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I’m in the truck now. Please stay with me.”

Everything else is a blur except for hearing him come through her door. He opens her bedroom door swiftly, obviously in a hurry to get to her. He leaves the bedroom light off, allowing the hallway lighting to be his guide to her. His weight is shifting the mattress next to her, and he’s leaning against the headboard. He easily pulls her into his lap, and she’s tucking her face into his neck as she cries. She curls her legs into herself, and he holds her for what feels like seconds and years. She feels something wet soaking into the shoulder of her t-shirt and realizes his tears are falling as well.

He drives her to her father’s once she’s ready, holding her hand the entire way. He never leaves her side the days following, through arrangements, the ceremony, and family visitations. He makes sure she eats on somewhat of a schedule because time is all an illusion to her. He sleeps on her couch every night for the couple of weeks following, knowing bedtime is the hardest time for her, and she won’t want to be alone. She is so touched by his dedication, and she isn’t sure she could do this life without him.

She cried for a long time, only recovering when she felt like she had nothing left to give. She was hardly surprised at the landslide of emotions tackling her considering she had been repressing them for the entirety of their friendship. It was now apparent to her what should have always been apparent: she was in love with Cassian.

She was in love with him, but she had been myopic for so long that she may have finally exhausted his love for her.

——————————————————————————

A/N: Well, here it is. We’re nearing the end of this one, and I’m excited to get the rest up for y’all. As always, your feedback/ comments are welcome! If you’d like to be tagged, feel free to message, comment, or reblog! I’ll be happy to add you to the tag list.

Tags are below!

@polireader // @lord-douglas-the-third // @justgiu12 // @notyournymphetish // @sjm-things // @strangeenemy // @iammissstark // @keshavomit // @sjmships // @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks // @dusty-lightbulb // @texas-shaped-waffle-maker // @julemmaes // @charincharge // @superspiritfestival // @awesomelena555 // @sleeping-and-books // @hizqueen4life // @maastrash // @bookstantrash // @rhyswhitethorn // @grace-k-sterling // @sayosdreams // @sis-it-dont-add-up // @ladywitchling // @b00kworm //

[yesthefandomfreakblr]

G U Y S ~m~ f e e l i n g s

big long post WOOOOOOOOOOOO

so uhh i did a lot of daydreaming today during school as one does when they don't care and are running on -12 hours of sleep and one cup of chocolate milk in lucky charms. I did a lot of thining about this whole 'Ripred pretends to be a service animal AU I came up with andddd ngl i'm liking this a lot.

- Cormaci and Ripred are dedicated pen-pals via Gregor and Ripred confides that he's always wanted to see the museums in New York. they talk about how fun it would be and Cormaci rather enjoys hearing from the snarky, witty, and kind of sweet stranger.

-One day gregor hands him Cormaci's note and Ripred sends gregor with his reply after their echolocation lesson. "Dearly detestable, (a customary greeting for the two) I have a large service animal vest and shades if you want to use them. meet me at midnight and we'll make a plan. XOXO- Cormaci"

-Ripred is over the frikken moon you have no idea. they make a plan, he tries on the vest, they meet in the morning to go to the museum.... And Ripred can't. It's just too bright and too loud and too many people so close to him. everyone stares and many try to pet him. Ripred knows he can't attack people or talk, so he just pulls Cormaci back to central park and has a full blown panic attack five blocks before they make it. they make it to an alleyway and he just shakes and gasps for air. sensory overlaods, especially when you've never had one, are no frikken joke.

-He just sulks back in the quiet, normal smelling, tourist free underland that doesn't burn his eyes. a few days go by and Cormaci proposes a picnic in central park. way less crowded, and with his vest people are warned not to pet him anyway. Ripred gives it another go.

-it doesn't suck. it actually goes very very well. he has the time of his life seeing the ducks and the horse carriages and sunbathing. they do this three times a week and gradually he goes to stores with her and they run small errands. after about two months She can take him anywhere and he won't get overwhelmed. of course, Cormaci hardly takes him into places or restaurants because he's not a real service animal. while waiting to cross the street, Gregor warns him to watch his tail. "what you think I'm just gonna fling it out and hit someone??" he flings his tail out for emphasis and hits someone. -rager speed activate- he catches them and apologises profusely. the 5 foot 2 ich overlander cracks up and compliments him on his reflexes. She hangs out with them the rest of the day and pays for their ice cream. He actually gets her number and they part ways. I mean she's weirdly chill but some people are. at least she didn't sue or panic.

-he uses the library computers to watch training videos and look up the criteria for service animals. He, Cormaci, And gregor's family all help expose him to all of the scenarios and help get him ready. He spends a lot of time with Lizzie. with her smelling salts, puzzles, and emergency phone in his pockets, Lizzie goes places with just him. they go to the museums and nerd out together.

They meet with the registration managers, and after the worst day of Ripred's life, (vet checks and behavioral/training testing. letting people grab, pinch, pull, poke, and prod him places he'd rather them not.) He get's officially registered as Lizzie's service animal.

-Ripred is ecstatic to roam the overland as he pleases and be able to help Lizzie. but he soon realizes she's not the only one who needs his help. Ripred builds a trustworthy council for the gnawers with two head leaders to rule in his stead. and helps Luxa build a better council so that she can visit a few days a week. this takes like a month.

Gregor's dad needs to go back to work, but is still very weak. Ripred, the two days a week he lectures, goes with him and carries his papers, medicine, and anything else on his vest and lets Mr. Campbelle lean on him during lectures. it's very interesting to him and excruciating not to chime in. So during breaks they geek out on theories about anything. Ripred helps him overcome his PTSD from his time in the rat lands. Texting his new distant friend Ripred finds out that Ally, the girl he one-hit K.O'd, has horses and actually does equine therapy. she helps Gregor's family for free. Ripred gets kicked by a horse.

Gregor needs help catching up with school, so he does that when they get home. and after the war of time, Gregor just needs him a lot. Ripred spends two or three nights a week with the boy, and they go on a lot of walks. They either walk for hours in silence or Gregor just breaks and gushes like a waterfall. He doesn't want to trouble anyone with everything on his mind but Ripred is safe. he understands. Gregor talks to him and Ripred listens. occasionally offering bits of valuable advice.

three days a week he goes to school with Lizzie, and finds that her teacher is very good at chess. they get along just fine and he talks to her and even helps with her lesson plans, given this is her first year. at first she tries to call Lizzie's emergency contact. but it's him. He lounges around and is the gordon Ramsey of education. He coaches Lizzie through panic attacks and she is never once bullied when he's around. she learns things from him and makes a couple more friends on the chess team. He'll sweep the floor with any one of them. He mostly reads during class but occasionally, during tests, (when Lizzie is most comfortable,) he'll react to the high stress of another student and put his head in their lap. (test anxiety is something else) and because they're elementary school kids, they make a cult for the rat. they call him Mr. Rat and leave offerings like shiny trinkets or snacks. he privately tutors the class for an hour after school because of this (they can leave if they want but he's smart and funny) and they all learn morse code/ ace their tests. going with Lizzie to P.E is his favorite. everyone else hates it. they fear him. He's no longer allowed to play dodgeball.

Grace is home but can barely walk. on good days her lungs will suddenly give out and it's extremely dangerous. with no one else able to run errands, and desperate to get out of the apartment, she begrudgingly and sorrowfully asks for his assistance. she wishes she could cut ties with the underland for good, but her family desperately needs him. the 'service animal' thing was just so he could go to the museum, but now he's a part of their lives. She leans on him in the grocery store and he sniffs out the best products as well as pushes the cart. if she goes down he has her inhaler and knows what to do. and aside from that, he makes great company. he's funny and smart. and she can tell him things she can't tell her family. about her chronic anxiety, her nightmares, her depression, her constant fear for her children and fear they don't love her anymore for trying to protect them and fear she didn't do enough and fear it will all happen again but this time someone won't come back... He understands what it's like to lose everyone. He understands not telling people things. He lets her talk. and only offers what she needs.

He still hangs out with Cormaci and they go on little trips together, but He's very busy taking care of his family. He never anticipated it to go this far or be this much work, sleeping in the underland once or twice a week, eating most meals there. But Ripred had decided to help Lizzie, a little girl that was very much like his own deceased pup. and in that, got closer and closer to Gregor, who was like a son to him long before he knew of Cormaci. In caring for and, in a way, adopting these pups, he'd adopted their parents and become a cornerstone in their daily life.

about Ripred and Ally, yeah they still hang out as often as possible she lives a couple hours out in florida but stays at her friends a couple days a week in NYC. it's kind of strange to him, but he finds it helpful that she would do anything for him. he can call her anytime for anything and she'll drive out or stay up late and talk, or uber eats him a snack. he ends up telling her absolutely everything. she's a good listener. her horse hates him. she gives Gregor free riding lessons and makes the BEST ribs.she's cool about the underland thing and just lets him talk. which he's not used to. within a few months, she knows more about him than Lizzie or Luxa. she sees him ugly and sees him nice and doesn't hate him for either. yeah she has a big crazy personality but if he accepts her, she'll return the favor tenfold. it takes a while but he gets used to having someone love him like a dog. she's kind of a dog. She knows what he's done, good and bad. and she's cool with it. but if he ever ever lies to her. she will never trust him again. he knows she's not lying.

Ripred supervises Gregor and Luxa's first date getting pizza and starbucks and going to a movie. He nips at someone's ankles for attempting to interfere.

Lizzie's panic attacks become more rare. to the point she doesn't need Ripred at school. Gregor's father no longer needs to lean on him, and can carry his own things. Grace returns to work and only needs her inhaler maybe once a week. Gregor is healing to the point he doesn't sneak out of his room and curl up with Ripred at night.

But none of them, not even Grace, want hm to leave. He experiences all of the Holidays with them during their first year together and he loves them all. food. Luxa joins to along with Cormaci of course. on Halloween he and Lizzie go as little red riding hood and the big bad wolf. gregor and luxa dress as bats. Gregor all black and Luxa a stunning gold. Ripred fights airport security. he tells his overlander friend, Ally, all about it. she thinks he's a bad-A.

As he is needed less and less Ripred goes back to the underland and helps Keep the peace. he was doing ok sending messages from the overland, but his presence is certainly needed more than twice a week. especially Luxa. she needs time alone to speak with a father figure, especially with Vikus's health fading. He helps relieve the pressure and helps her relax. She becomes like a daughter to him, Aurora as well. RIpred comes at a moments notice if any human male shows interest in his baby girl. He even brings Ally down and she honestly would kill to ride a bat. she gets to ride a bat. with everyone constantly dumping their problems on him and them having so many, Ally becomes vital to his mental health. to just have someone to relax with, to talk to to get Denny's at 2:00 AM with.

the years are long and full of hardships, love, and light. Gregor's family becomes more financially sound, they can comfortably afford to feed Ripred now, and go on annual trips. Luxa and Howard go to Hawaii. Vikus passes away two years after the COC, and Gregor's grandmother shortly after. Gregor's family decides to stay in new york. Ripred, Luxa, and Howard go to Virginia for a month with gregor's family in the summer and have the time of their lives. He brings Ally everywhere he can she makes him food, they joke together, sometimes stay at each others places, have a pick up lines war, and she's actually a valuable ally in meetings for writing things down and even contributing. they know everything about eachother. He often thinks to himself that she's every bit as sassy and kind as his mate, and if she were a gnawer, he wouldn't hesitate. but she's human.

and after four more years, at the age of nineteen, Gregor and Luxa are married. though they are no longer bonds, (the council decided you can only have one bond as not to split loyalties) Ripred walks Luxa down the aisle and takes his place beside gregor. where Ares would have stood. Gregor's mother is proud to call Luxa her daughter. Ally brings Luxa a pet cat, as is viking tradition for newlyweds to have one in their home. Ally's weird. but they like her.

Gregor's family half lives down there now and the gnawers and human tensions are almost nonexistent after so many years.

Ripred is godfather to all eight of Gregor and Luxa's children. and though he's starting to ache in the leg he broke in COC, his age starting to climb, it's not too much for him to play with his godpups or wrestle with Gregor. he'd be like mid 50's as human. (another reason he could never be with Ally, She's 25.) He attends Lizzie's wedding in the underland to hazard when she turns twenty. after all that time, he's nearly thirty, and plays a little less rough. he has another decade or two in him and is happy to live it. life has been hell to him... but now he's found heaven. he keeps his tears to himself watching his massive family, not of blood, but of choice, grow in a place that is not torn by war. a place where the walls are made of stone and a place where the sun shines. He doesn't mind people touching or hugging him anymore and you see his real smile a lot more often. but he's still too mean to die. snarky and sassy as ever. but a lot happier. in a bittersweet kind of way. he will never forget his wife or his pups, but he knows she'd be happy for him. and it doesn't hurt to think of them.

He may have been the registered service animal, but they were all helping him right back.

[grelleswife]

Hannamey Headcanons

@bapydemonprincess requested some Hannamey headcanons for an OTP ask meme; my answers are included below!

I'm assuming that we're in a more auspicious version of the Season 2 verse where O!Ciel wins and stays human, although Alois eventually dies and leaves Hannah free to pursue her love in peace.

Pre-relationship

2. What was their first impression of each other?

Mey experienced a full bi panic when she first laid eyes on Hannah in that seductive black dress. The maid didn't recognize her feelings at the time, but she had a crush. Although Hannah didn't show it, the comely young maid caught her eye straightaway. The demonness was quietly amused by how taken Mey Rin was with her; Hannah knows exactly what kind of effect she tends to have on the sapphics >:3. Due to her devilish instincts, she sensed that Mey had a tragic past, and that she'd sent many souls to an early grave (the act of killing tends to "mark" the spirit in ways some demons can perceive), which piqued her curiosity. 4. Who felt romantic feelings first?

Mey Rin! She tends to fall fast and hard in romantic relationships. As a demon, Hannah took longer to acknowledge her growing attraction for the maid as something other than carnal desire. 5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Both of them did, to an extent. Mey Rin was distraught because she knew she shouldn't harbor romantic feelings for someone who served an enemy of young master, while Hannah, after becoming acquainted with the pain of grief through Luka's death, was none too keen on being entangled in an intimate relationship with a human. Love could not be suppressed for long, however... >:3

General

2. Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

Sort of. Their first few trysts occurred under the cover of nightfall, in the woods near the Phantomhive manor. That way, Mey Rin wouldn't have to risk a visit to the Trancy estate, and Hannah was sufficiently far away from the grounds to avoid Sebastian detecting her. However, their first proper date took place when the Phantomhive servants went on a trip to London. Mey Rin split off from the rest of the group to have a rendezvous with Hannah at a little cafe. They both started off a bit awkwardly (Mey was a bundle of nerves and Hannah felt uncharacteristically shy), but once the conversation got going, the bubbly, smiling maid of Phantomhive soon drew Hannah out of her shell. The demonness bought Mey a plateful of the tastiest pastries on the menu; of course, Hannah didn't eat or drink anything herself, but dear flustered Mey was too caught up in the moment to notice. When it was time for Mey to rejoin the other servants, Hannah walked her part of the way back, and the two held hands. >w< 3. What was their first kiss like?

Mey Rin bid Hannah goodbye after one of the demon's nocturnal visits, but they both lingered, neither wanting to be the first one to leave the secluded forest spot. Hannah took an indecisive step towards Mey Rin. Then she tenderly cupped the maid's face in her hands, bent down, and kissed her. When they parted, she whispered a simple "Good night" before disappearing among the trees, leaving Mey Rin red-faced and trembling. The maid dreamily stumbled through the next day, grinning and tripping on air. The demonness wore no perfume, but she smelt of petrichor, and a whiff of the earth after it rains never fails to remind Mey Rin of that first kiss. 7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

It depends. Hannah is melancholy, withdrawn, and secretive, while Mey Rin tends to be cheerful and outgoing in environments where she feels secure. However, if Mey Rin is nervous or unsure of herself, Hannah will take the lead in order to spare her lover the anxieties that come with prolonged social interactions. She'll gently pat Mey Rin's back or hold her hand to help the maid stay calm. 8. Who gets jealous easier?

Hannah. Demons jealously guard the souls they hold dear, and are very protective of their mates. If Hannah catches someone trying to make a move on her woman, she'll either wrap an arm around Mey Rin's waist and hold her close, or step between Mey and the (real or imagined) rival...giving them a deadly glare that makes the bravest heart quail. She bares her fangs and lets her demonic essence show, her long hair writhing like Medusa's serpents, until the interloper beats a hasty retreat. However, after a few conversations with Mey Rin on the subject, Hannah learns to calm down a little. 9. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other's ear?

Under normal circumstances, I don't think either of them is given to making crass remarks. Hannah prefers subtle innuendos--double entendres or inside jokes that no one but Mey Rin will understand. She'll smirk knowingly when she catches Mey Rin's longing glances at her cleavage (causing the maid to turn into a blushing, incoherent mess). Mey Rin gets a little bolder when she's tipsy; she'll climb into Hannah's lap and whisper about all the things she hopes the demon will do to her when they're alone. Shortly thereafter, Hannah finds an excuse to leave the party early with her lover so that she can make good on Mey Rin's suggestions. ;)

Love

1. Who said "I love you" first?

Mey Rin! She gave Hannah a small gift (a little embroidery piece of an owl), and when she saw how stunned the Trancy maid was at the gesture, Mey Rin blurted out, "Why do you look so surprised? You know I love you, yes I do!" She was mortified by her outburst and slapped her hands over her mouth, but Hannah just laughed and gave her a warm hug. 2. What are their primary love languages?

physical touch and acts of service, with quality time being a close second. Like most demons, Hannah views language as a tool for manipulation--in her mind, actions speak far louder than words when it comes to revealing a lover's true intentions. And since Mey Rin spent most of her childhood and young adulthood deprived of meaningful connections with others, she craves small intimacies like having the demonness brush her hair or hold her when she needs comforting. 4. How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

Very often! They're extremely snuggly in private. Mey loves to sit in Hannah's lap or rest her head against the demon's bosom, and Hannah dotes on her human. They have to be cautious about overt PDA in the Victorian period, but no one will look twice if two very good lady friends stroll arm-in-arm together... 8. Who's better at comforting the other?

Mey Rin is a little better at this because she's naturally warm and empathetic. However, Hannah has a quiet, reassuring presence, and she learns to tell when Mey Rin is feeling sad or vulnerable and needs a little cuddling. 10. Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

As explained above, physical affection! 12. What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

Hannah calls Mey Rin "beloved," her flower, or her little princess; Mey Rin is initially hesitant to speak so familiarly with an ancient, powerful demon, but she'll sometimes call Hannah "honey," "love," or Chinese terms of endearment.

Domestic Life

1. If they get married, who proposes?

Demons' concepts of mating bonds aren't the same as our ideas about marriage, so it never occurred to Hannah to make a formal proposal. But one day, Mey Rin wistfully confessed that she would love to be Hannah's wife, if society were more open-minded about that sort of thing. The demonness couldn't bear to see her human sad, so she used her powers to make a pretty engagement ring (amethyst set in gold) to give to Mey shortly after this conversation. If they couldn't have an official ceremony, then damn it, they'd make their own. 2. What's the wedding like? Who attends?

It's held in the Phamtomhive garden, among the roses (Sebastian and Hannah reached an uneasy truce after Alois's death), and all the Phantomhive servants attend. The triplets are also there to assist with the ceremony, strewing flower petals, carrying the ladies' wedding trains, and so on (my headcanon is that they're babey demons who serve as Hannah's subordinates). Lizzy, Sieglinde, and Ran Mao are Mey Rin's bridesmaids. Both Mey and Hannah wear beautiful dresses (pink and purple, respectively). Instead of having a religious official preside over the ceremony, the ladies exchange vows that they wrote for each other. 4. Do they have any pets?

Oh yes! Hannah sometimes takes in injured wild animals to nurse back to health, like a fox kit that got its paw stuck in a trap, or a robin that broke its wing, so they soon have a smol menagerie on their hands. 8. How do they celebrate holidays?

Mey Rin loves holidays like Halloween and the Chinese New Year, so Hannah learns about the associated customs and traditions to help her wife celebrate. For events like Halloween, they'll coordinate costumes (one year, they both dressed up as witches), and save up lots of candy to give to the local kids. Hannah uses her demon powers to add spooky touches to their home, like magical floating candles and ghostly shadows that appear in the windows when someone passes by. Mey Rin gets a huge kick out of it! 10. Who's the better cook?

Hannah. When you've existed for millenia, you pick up a few skills here and there, such as navigating your way around a kitchen. ;) She loves spoiling Mey with her favorite treats. 11. Who likes to dance?

They both do, though Hannah is usually the one to ask Mey to join her on the dance floor.

[mfingenius]

I kind of love how you casually mention Harry’s parents in some fics 😭 So here’s a prompt: Harry and Draco start dating in Hogwarts and it gets serious and they catch feelings super quickly and Harry brings Draco home one weekend, sneaking out of the castle so that Draco can meet his parents proper 🥺❤️

Babe I took so long to reply to this I’m so so sorry

To make up for it,,,, here’s a roughly 2.4k fanfic :D

21.11.2019

“Potter,” Snape drawls, managing to sound unimpressed even in the middle of the night. “What are you doing here?” 

Harry glares at the professor while rubbing Draco’s back soothingly. It’s the day before the start of the winter Holidays - they’re both in a boarding school called Hogwarts - and they’re going home tomorrow. Draco’s having an anxiety attack - he has them worryingly often - over meeting Harry’s parents over the break; it’s the third time, and Harry has told him multiple times that he doesn’t have to meet his parents yet, if he doesn’t want to, but Draco refuses to cancel now.

And Harry refuses not to be there for his boyfriend.

“I’m helping,” he says, much less aggressively than he wants to. He wishes he could punch Snape - he hates him - but Draco’s anxiety attacks don’t do well with harsh voices, and the last thing Harry wants to do is make things worse.

“These are the Slytherin dorms.” Snape says, as if one of his students isn’t retching right in front of him. “You’re not a Slytherin. You can’t be here.”

“Are you going to physically throw me out?” Harry asks in return. “Because if you’re not, you can get out now. I’m not coming with you.”

Draco retches again, and Harry grimaces and moves closer to his side, touching the back of Draco’s hand lightly. As soon as he does, Draco’s hand latches onto his with a death grip, ashen and sweaty, and Harry squeezes tightly.

“Twenty five points from Gryffindor, Potter.” Snape says disapprovingly.

Harry doesn’t give a fuck.

Draco rests his head against Harry’s shoulder, shuddering, and Harry presses his lips against his hair, wrapping an arm around Draco and holding him tightly.

“It’s alright,” he murmurs. “It’s alright. Everything’s okay, love.” Draco lets out a shaky breath and wraps a hand around Harry’s jumper weakly. Harry places his hand over Draco’s and kisses his hair again. “Think about the road trip, alright? At the beginning of the school year? We had fun, right? It was fun.”

“Yes,” Draco says, trembling. “Yeah.”

*

13.09.19

“Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy.” Sprout calls out.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Harry groans.

“What did you expect, Potty?” Malfoy sneers next to him. The corners of his lips are pulled down, and he looks just as unhappy as Harry is about being paired together.

Honestly, Harry doesn’t know. They always end up as partners for anything Elective-related - it’s Botany this year, an elective Harry isn’t really interested in. He only chose it because Malfoy and him have ended up not only in the same elective every single year they’ve been at Hogwarts, but also paired together in them.

He’d thought Botany would surely be Malfoy’s last choice.

Apparently, Malfoy had thought the same thing.

Still, he was hoping that this time, by some miracle, he’d be paired with Ron, or Hermione, or even Ernie McMillan. Anyone but Malfoy.

They’re going on a school trip to the mountains, so being paired together not only means working together to identify plants and cultivate them when they come back, it means sharing a room while they’re in the cabins.

Harry honestly doubts he’ll survive an entire two weeks staying in the mountains with Malfoy. He doesn’t think he’ll survive the first night sharing a room with Malfoy. Getting stabbed in the stomach with a fork and bleeding out would be a quicker, less painful death.

Still, it looks like Harry will have to suffer through Malfoy instead of the fork.

Oh the joy.

“I’m not doing our work by myself.” Malfoy informs him snidely as everyone goes to find their partners. Ron gives him an empathetic pat on the back and makes a face at Malfoy before he walks off. 

“Have you ever done our work all by yourself?” Harry asks, annoyed even though Malfoy has barely said a dozen words to him. It’s a special ability that only Malfoy seems to have, of pissing Harry off without even opening his mouth.

“I don’t know,” Malfoy says. “Calculus? Geography? Fucking Christ, Physics?”

“Bite me.” Harry tells him.

*

21.11.19

“I was an arse.” Draco says in a low voice, damp eyelashes fluttering gently against Harry’s shoulder. Snape left some time ago, Harry thinks, but he doesn’t know how long. He’s too focused on Draco to notice anything else. “We hated each other.”

“I don’t know if that’s what it was.” Harry shrugs lightly. He’d thought he hated Malfoy at the moment, obviously, but, now that they’re dating, Harry sees it differently. “We were always awfully invested in each other’s business. We could’ve just avoided each other.”

Draco snorts tiredly, rubbing a hand over his face. “Awfully invested sounds about right. Pansy had the theory that all of our problems would just be solved if we fucked. She postulated it in fifth year.”

Harry snickers. “And was she right?”

“Well,” Draco says with a light smirk. “We fucked. And now here we are.”

Harry laughs.

*

17.09.19

“Potter I fucking swear to god,” Malfoy groans, glaring at Harry tightly.

It’s only the second day, and Harry’s already been driven half insane by Malfoy. The room they’re sharing is tiny, and it has quickly become evident that they’re very different people; Malfoy hasn’t left a single belonging in the room, and half of Harry’s clothes are already thrown about. 

It seems to annoy Malfoy, so Harry hasn’t picked them up.

“What?” Harry asks, rolling his eyes as he picks plant samples. “I’m doing my part of the work, aren’t I?”

“You’re supposed to wear gloves you moronic git.” Malfoy snaps, tossing a pair of gardening gloves to Harry. “Some of the plants are poisonous.”

“As if you care if I get poisoned.” He says.

Malfoy doesn’t answer.

*

21.11.19

“You should thank me,” Draco says, teasingly, before he begins brushing his teeth. The vomiting is over, finally, as is the anxiety attacked. Harry can’t imagine what Draco feels like; his anxiety attacks leave Harry feeling drained and not quiet like himself, and he’s not even the one to go through them. He imagines it’s much worse for Draco. “I saved your arse by carrying extra gardening gloves.”

“Don’t act like that was for my sake,” Harry responds, amused. Because he can read Draco quite well now and knows every sign of exhaustion and worry that there is to look for, he has his hands on Draco’s hips, half out of the need for comfort and half because he’s not entirely sure Draco doesn’t need his actual support. “You didn’t carry extra for me.”

When his anxiety attacks are particularly bad, he can’t quite move afterwards, and this one was Bad, capital B. He’s almost sure he’s the only thing holding Draco on his feet. 

“Saved your arse anyway,” Draco says around his toothbrush.

“Yeah?” Harry asks, squeezing his boyfriend’s hips lightly. “Well, I saved your arse the next day.”

Draco scowls at him through the mirror.

*

17.09.19

“Get out of my way.” Malfoy snaps.

“You’re sick,” Harry says, unimpressed. This camping trip has been surprisingly fun for Harry. Mostly because it hasn’t been fun for Malfoy. Turns out his skin burns easily, and he’s had red cheeks and a red nose for the last three days. He’s also been sick for two of them, but Harry had thought it was none of his business.

It still isn’t, really, but it’s harder to ignore when it’s pouring rain and Malfoy still wants to go outside instead of staying in the bloody cabin like Harry is telling him to.

“So?” Malfoy snaps. “Thirty percent of our grade depends on how this goes.”

“I’ll pick the samples today.” Harry rolls his eyes “And I’ll take notes, and pictures, and do the work. I’m not an idiot, you know?” Malfoy shifts uncertainly, looking back towards the empty cabin, eyes focusing on the flickering candle. The cabins are old, and, because of the rain, the light isn’t working. All they have is the candle, and neither of them know how much longer that’ll last. Harry raises an eyebrow. “What? Scared to stay here alone?”

“No!” Malfoy snaps, much too quickly.

“Then stay,” Harry says, and slams the door closed behind him, pulling on his raincoat.

*

21.11.19

“You don’t have to do this,” Draco says, but his hand tightens around Harry’s when he turns the bathroom light off. They’re both seventeen, and, in Draco’s opinion, too old to be afraid of silly things, like the dark. 

He’s fine, most of the time. Whenever he’s stressed or particularly anxious, though, he gets terrified of the dark, though. Harry doesn’t mind grabbing his hand and reassuring him things are alright. He needs reassurance in other things that other people might think are silly, and he never wants to make Draco afraid that he’ll laugh at him.

“I know.” Harry pulls him towards the bed - honestly, he doesn’t know what he’d do if Snape had actually kicked him out - and gets in first, waiting for Draco to snuggle against him comfortably before pulling the covers over them. Draco’s roommate and best friend, Blaise Zabini, is in the other bed, still soundly asleep. Harry pulls the drapes around the bed closed.

“Better?” He asks, and Draco nods against his chest, moving closer. Harry wraps an arm around him while Draco throws a leg over his waist.

“Do you remember our first kiss?” Draco whispers, and Harry smiles softly.

“Obviously,” he says. He can’t believe it was only two months ago; it seems like much longer. He looks at the clock Draco keeps against his headboard and smiles. “It’s already after midnight. Our first kiss was officially two months ago. Happy anniversary.”

Draco shakes his head and grins. “Sap.”

“Only for you, love.” Harry vows.

*

21.09.19

“Malfoy,” Harry says hesitantly.

He’d had a great time during the day. Since Malfoy was sick, he’d been able to be with Ron and Hermione the entire day, but he’d come back from picking samples to find Malfoy in a full blown anxiety attack. It had been hell calming him down. It had taken almost half the night, and now they’re both lying in their respective beds, Malfoy shivering and with a slightly distant look on his face, and Harry feeling immensely uncomfortable.

“Hmm?” Malfoy hums lightly.

“I didn’t know you had anxiety attacks.” He says.

He doesn’t think he’d want to talk about it, if it were him, but Malfoy hasn’t told him to shut up yet, and Harry’s a nervous talker.

“Oh,” Malfoy says lightly.

“Don’t you… take meds?” He asks cautiously.

Malfoy blinks at him - Harry can see his wide eyes in the pale moonlight, looking almost transparent with how light they are - and his voice sounds oddly unguarded when he answers.

“No,” He says. 

“Why?” Harry asks.

“My mom doesn’t know,” He says. “I can’t tell her.”

Harry knows very little of Narcissa Black - because she’s Sirius’s cousin, he knows that she got pregnant with Malfoy when she was seventeen - four years younger than Lily, Harry’s mother, and pregnant at the same time - and that she was disowned for it. Sirius told him that she’d married Malfoy’s father - Lucius Malfoy - briefly, but she’d divorced him when she was nineteen, when Draco was barely a year and a half. 

“Why not?” he asks.

“I can’t worry her.” Malfoy says.

Lightning cracks outside, and Malfoy flinches, sitting up in bed quickly. Harry sits up too.

“I - I need to get out of here,” He says, voice trembling. Harry throws back the covers and stands quickly as Malfoy begins to scramble off the bed desperately. “I - I can’t-”

“Stop,” Harry says, softly but firmly, grabbing Malfoy’s arms. “Stop.It’s alright. It’s okay. Let’s sit down, okay?”

He leads Malfoy to the bed again, sitting him down and sitting beside him. He doesn’t know much about panic attacks, if he’s honest, but Lavender Brown had one, once, in the middle of the common Room. He remembers how Parvati Patil calmed her down.

“Tell me something,” Harry says. “Five things you can hear. Five things, come on Draco.”

Malfoy doesn’t seem to notice that Harry called him by his first name, and he flinches again when lightning cracks again. Harry squeezes his arm.

“Five, come on. I’ll start.” He says. “Lightning.”

“Lightning,” Draco repeats shakily. “R - rain. I - I can - the wind outside. I-”

“That’s three,” Harry tells him. “You’re doing good. Two more, come on. Two more.”

“I - wood creaking. Your voice.” 

“Good,” Harry says immediately. “That’s good.”

They get through four things you can see - Harry’s shoes by the door, the trees outside, the blanket on the bed, the suitcases under the bed - three things you can smell - rain, dirt, and mint, which is Harry’s shampoo - and two you can taste - blood, because he’d bit his lip too hard, and toothpaste.

“One you can feel.” Harry tells him. “Just one.”

The wind howls outside, and there’s a loud sound outside the window, which makes Malfoy nearly jump off the bed.

“I - I can’t - Harry-”

And Harry can see that everything they’ve done isn’t working, so he does the only thing he can think of. 

He kisses Draco.

*

22.11.19

“Mr. and Mrs. Potter, it’s nice to meet you.” Draco says. He’s smiling uncertainly, and for all that Harry enjoys his dad’s and his godfather’s pranks, he prays they won’t say anything weird now. Draco’s anxious enough without them doing something, and though Harry made them promise to behave, he’s still anxious himself.

“Call me Lily, sweetheart,” Harry’s mom says immediately, smiling and shaking his hand. Draco shakes James’s hand, after. Harry can hear Sirius singing from the kitchen, deafeningly loud, Remus laughing and telling him to shut up at the same time.

“I, err-” Draco begins, and Lily immediately wraps an arm around his shoulders. 

“Are you hungry? You’re terribly thin, sweetheart, are you sure you’re eating enough?” And she leads him inside, Draco sending a slightly panicked look back at Harry a moment before turning the corner towards the kitchen.

“So,” James says, after a bit, grinning brightly. “Draco Malfoy, then? No chance of someone else?”

Harry snorts and shakes his head. “No dad, no one else.”

James sighs, seemingly long-suffering, but then he laughs and claps Harry in the back. “Oh well,” he says. “If it can’t be helped, it can’t be helped. Come on. Let’s go save him from your mother.”

Harry laughs.

-------------------------------------------------------

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Commissions

[birdwonder]

Could I get life with the Bucci gang + Trish headcannons from after they defeated Diavolo? Like what do they do after they have freedom to do whatever they want now? Everyone lives AU of course because I miss my children 😔

|| i am a tumblr n00b who can not find a way to directly link my rules into my bio but i don’t take part 5 requests juuust yet. BUT. i have been wanting to write for part 5 so i’ll probably make an exception for you, lovely anon, and do some headcanons/fics i’m able to do in the future, until i’ve finished Golden wind ~! also - you hit my feels man.

 i made them s/o related bc i’m so used to them that i didn’t realise that the request wasn’t specified for that :,) 

Bucci Gang | Happy Ending Headcanons 

Bruno Bucciarati 

- God, he wants nothing more than to finally have some peace and quiet. Remaining in the mafia isn’t even the least of his concerns, instead he wants to know what you want. Whether you joined him on his journey to take down Diavolo or not didn’t matter as he knew that either way, the stress of him dying and you being tangled up in his mess would have been enough to cause premature grey hairs.

- Even if he does return to the mafia as a Capo, he wants a vacation, just perhaps not somewhere in Italy. With Giorno’s new status, and his own being fairly high ranking, he has the funds to take you somewhere away from any gangs and drama. His first idea would be a holiday island so the two of you can relax on the beach and feel the cool water from the pool washing away all the anxieties you once had; a couple spa day would not be out of the question.

- A change in scenery such as a cold country wouldn’t be too bad either, though he feels like the preparation for that would be a little harder as he doesn’t own many winter clothes.

- During the holiday, the two of you would spend every evening in a 5-star restaurant, dining in front of the sunset with joy in your hearts. On your final night of your stay, Bruno seems to be the happiest he’s ever been the whole trip and you can only assume that the effects of taking a break had finally worked on him. “It’s so nice to see you smiling, amore,” you tell him, resting your hand over his own on the clothed table.

- “It’s all thanks to you, [F/N],” Bruno softly explains, standing up while taking your hand into his own, glancing at the slowly falling sun. “I feel like I’ve been through Hell and back, and yet every moment with you so far has been Heaven.” Your heart melts at his words, eyes softening when he turns to look at you. “I’ve risked everything ever since my father died, and it’s made me realise how short life can truly be…”

- You can only gasp when he lowers himself to a single knee, one hand intertwined with your’s and another holding a small, velvet box with a ring fit for you. “I want to cherish every day, hour and second with you, amore. Will you marry me?”

- Whether you say yes or no, he respects your decision and makes it his goal to enjoy ever last day with you in a beautiful house. He still works alongside Giorno and his gang, but never once steps into a fight or situation without you and both of your safeties in mind.

Leone Abbachio

- He needs a drink, and bad. Yet, you stop him and instead force him into your arms on a couch and hold him until you’re crying tears of joy that it’s all over and even he’s close to shedding one or two; his face buried into the top of your head and muttering that he’s so grateful he hasn’t lost you.

- From there, his need to live for something or someone changes. His goal is no longer to be on hand and knee for an authority, but to be with you.

- His loyalty to Bucciarati remains, especially when they had been through so much together, yet much like his friend, he takes things easier. Leone’s mood is not as bitter as it once was and he softens every time he comes home from work to see you waiting for him or you return from your own occupation - both of you ready for some serious intimacy.

- If you’re apart of the mafia, he might pressure you to leave and live easy with his support, but he knows that you’d have to be pretty hard-headed to join the Passione, so leaving won’t be easy.

- After a year or so since the Diavolo incident he’d really want to settle down. Officially, the two of you would be living together by now but the house is just too quiet, which says a lot for such a silent, kept to himself man. During dinner one day, his cheeks are flushed red and he can’t even bring himself to eat or look at you. Worried that you’ve done something wrong, you ask what was causing this mood and the response of “I want children,” makes your fork drop to the floor.

- It’s entirely up to you if you both have children but if you do want to start a family, he’ll be overjoyed. He wants to commit to you and a rugrat or more. After all the shit he’s been through, having the ideal happy family dream is everything he could want. Also, he’d be an incredible father and husband. Nothing comes before his family, not even a mission. 

Pannacotta Fugo

- oh shit oh fuck he’s lost. what does he do?

- There’s a good chance he hasn’t announced his love for you yet, so that’s probably the first thing on his to-do list. He knows he shouldn’t wait for life to take it’s course anymore and that he knows to be with you. Sooo, with pure fear, he pulls you aside and yells out that he loves you and starts to ramble that it’s ok if you don’t feel the same. You shut him up with a kiss and tell him you feel the same.

- After that, he has no real plans. It’s ironic seeing as he’s a strategist who has everything planned out, but he doesn’t have much in mind. Would he stay in Passione? Maybe, maybe not. Fugo has realised that he’s missed so many opportunities when it comes to his education and that he could be using his high IQ for something good, yet he knows no where could handle his anger issues quite like Bucciarati and the others could; aside from you.

- He’s young still, so marriage and a settled life style is too early however he still wants to be with you a lot more. As awkward as they may be at first, Fugo takes you on many dates and makes sure they all end with him shyly telling you that he loves you.

- If he keeps up working with the Passione, he continues to mentor Narancia for sure. Still just as aggressively if the poor boy gets anything wrong.

- Might try to practice using Purple Haze in a way that doesn’t affect the others around him. After all, if he can’t develop himself academically in a educational field, then he wants to grow in other ways. His anger issues and reluctance to use his stand? He wants them gone, or at least manageable to a satisfactory level. Fugo knows it won’t happen quickly or maybe at all, though that doesn’t stop his efforts.

Narancia Ghirga

- He’s going to go to school, baby !!

- And you’re coming with him, whether you were already in it or not. He’s going to become smarter and at least try to experience a portion of a normal growing up experience with your’s and Fugo’s support. Both you and the strawberry man will be begged for tutoring, to which there’s no hesitation for agreeing.

- Narancia is so happy that the whole mess is over and takes you into his arms, kissing you at least hundreds of times, telling you in-between each kiss that he loves you and that he can’t wait to go back to how things were. “I (mwah) love (mwah) you (mwah) so so so (mwah) much! We’re going to (mwah) kick back and relax (mwah) and watch all our favourite movies and (mwah) eat all our favourite foods!” “Narancia, stOoOoP!”

- You don’t have a choice in the matter when it comes to sticking by him. You both are going to live free and happy, with no cares aside from homework and upcoming tests. 

- He’ll probably stay in Passione but makes time for school. It’d be a waste to not use Lil’ Bomber/Aerosmith and he wants to stay close to his gang until forever.

- Celebratory torture dance anyone?

Guido Mista 

- Both he and his sex pistols are all over you once they realise that you’re all free from the gruelling mission. His hands are under your arms and he picks you up, swinging you around with so much cheer that hearing anything but his joyous yells of, “we did it!” is impossible. At the same time, his sex pistols are crawling up your arms and towards your face, hugging your neck and face with their own mini cheers of victory. Eventually, they each place an individual kiss on your cheek while Mista plants his own right onto your lips.

- He sticks with the Passione as Giorno’s right hand man, living in the joy of being a top dog and working alongside his friends. With all that they sacrificed, he’s enjoying everything that he does.

- Much like Fugo, he feels as though he’s still too young to marry or start a family immediately. Instead, he helps set you up with your own job and visits you every lunch break to spend time together. If you’re in the mafia, he begs Giorno to let you work alongside him, which was probably the new Don’s plan from the get-go, otherwise he visits wherever you work whenever he can. If he doesn’t have the time, he’ll text you with a cute image of him at work to which you reply with your own.

- Oh, even without starting the family, Mista’s mini stands definitely act like you’re their mother. Everytime they see you it’s constant cries for food and attention, and sometimes they can only be calmed down by your affection, not even Mista can make them work well without them at least seeing you recently. Suppose that’s all apart of a stand being the true nature of a person. 

- Mista likes to spend his new raise in pay on himself and you. More rented movies, more lavish items, tons of gifts and bouquets that you insist you don’t need! 

- You guys would probably move in together just because he likes coming home to you and telling you about his day, or seeing your smile after doing nothing but stand around next to Giorno. He’ll lie at first and say it’s for the sake of controlling his sex pistols because they can’t get enough of you. 

Giorno Giovanna 

- Aw yeah, who’s head bitch now? This guy.

- He works day and night to make sure his dream becomes a true reality, not letting the opportunity that his gang members and you have given him by risking your lives by even associating with him. 

- Giorno’s head is in the game and he hits the floor running as soon as he’s the new boss, not wasting any time in claiming land and setting people straight with his new rules. 

- This leaves you a little down in the dumps. After all that, and he still wants to work… It’s only right that you grab him by the face and tell him that he deserves at least some sort of a break, preferably with you.

- Realising that he really does, and so do you, he complies by having at least a week of resting, eating fine food and doing whatever you want as money was no longer an object to him.

- Mafia or not, you’re his right hand aside from Mista and the others. He’s had a bad day or really doesn’t know what to do with all the work he has? You swoop in and relax him, telling him that it’ll be ok and suggesting ways that he could deal with things. 

- Mista jokes by saying you’re like his secretary like in those cheesy romantic movies and you come in the next day in a formal, assistant like outfit and Giorno’s heart stops. All and every ‘appointment’ for that day is cancelled.

- “I’m so proud of you Giorno, you got what you wanted.” You tell him, brushing a hand through his hair. “The love of my life and a fulfilled dream? Definitely, amore.” 

Trish Una

- She’ll probably want to stick by the you and the Bucci Gang since you all supported her so much. Plus, she wants to improve on using her stand, especially if it’s for good.

- The two of you are glad to be together and spoil yourselves rotten with a shopping trip and a long spa day or two. You spend a lot of hours hugging and comforting her as she definitely breaks down in tears after all she’s been through has caught up. Even if she tries in front of the others, she can’t hide the stress that’s been hitting a rubbery wall and waiting to break through.

- If you cry too, she’ll laugh and say “look at us. Aren’t we just the perfect mess?”

- She isn’t really sure about how or where she wants to live though she wants to see you a lot, maybe not 24/7 just yet but at least close to where you live. If you do end up living together, she’ll enjoy it all the same but will make sure she works hard or longer outside of the home so coming back to see you is a breath of fresh air. 

- Trish would want to have a committed, set life after all the bumps she’s had before. She knows who she is now, so from here on she’s going to be finding new parts of herself. From finding new hobbies and interests to doing some exploring across Italy and maybe the world, she really wants to come to terms with herself. 

[thinkinghq]

Cute date hc 💕

Komori, sakusa and suna

Komori motoya

Spending time with you is really important to him. There is one day of the week where you always meet up <3

He likes to bring you to surprise dates but he forgets that you need to bring certain stuff there. "Suprise we are here let's go swimming y/n-chan 😀" "but I dont have a swimsuit by me 😐" "oh😮"

Anyway public transport rides with him back home are fun tho 😔✊ (dont worry he learnt his lesson after a few times)

He wants to make you happy he gets sad if you didnt like a date from him. So he tries to make the dates as suitable for you as possible.

He likes at home Netflix dates he brings so many snacks and I hc him to be one of the best cuddles in hq

He will always pick you up from home he doesnt want to meet somewhere bc he gets anxiety if he gets late and some Tokyo city boys flirt with you NO PERSON ON HIS WATCH WAITS FOR HIM 😤✋

So he always picks you up he really doesnt mind if you still gotta do ur make up he waits on ur bed watching you and puts his finger in all ur make-up and ask "what's this 😀👉💄"

Anyway CEO of giving his jacket to you doesnt even matter If ur cold or not bc he wants ur smell on his clothes

Also he is a big avenger fan so it means alot to him if you go with him watching avengers (he own a spiderman costum)

He also wants to go out with you when big festivals or holidays are coming (summerfestivals, Halloweenpartys, Christmas dinner with family)

First kiss was at summerfestival bc he thought it would be cute if he did it there like in animes

You guys also have many couple pics of each other (he prints them out religiously after ever date and his whole wall is full of ur pics)

Also facetime calls are important to him you guys fall asleep together on the call and he puts a blanket on his phone 😔 (he also screenshots u bc you look cute and sticks them to his wall as well)

Gets you a souvenir when he sees them he bought you so many plushies

He always tells you to it's ok when ur not in the mood to go out he likes it more when you are in the vibe to get out.

After like 4-5 months he figured out ur period cycle so he is like "babe I understand if you dont want to go out today let's to something more chill at home" or text you "you got ur period babe? 😘"

Ohhh to be Komoris girlfriend he is so perfect 😔 but I think he can get to friendly with other girls

Sakusa kiyoomi

Sakusa. (You guys are in a relationship ship but didnt went on dates before it was official)

Ngl you have to ask him if he wants to go on dates bc he didnt ask you (he wants to go on dates to but over thinks the situation and doesnt know where to go he also doesnt know how he can ask you so he felt really relieved when you asked him first

He really doesnt care where as long if the place isnt crowds he goes anywhere (you live in Tokyo??? Where can I take ur ass sakusa?)

So the first date is at home and he is mad stiff and awkward stands in the corner of every room like this

😐

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I think he would only come over if the house was empty he would get to overwhelmed if he met ur parent yet

So you guys just sit in ur room he sits at ur desks chair he was actually really calm! You guys talked a lot to just like basic things about each other

You probably went on dates with komori as well the thing is you ended up talking with komori more than with sakusa. Sakusa really doesnt mind that he asked komori on the first place if he can come with him so it doesnt end up boring.

I think once in a while he goes on dates with you where its crowded he feels like he owns that to you.

But ok imagine going on a date with him around winter times sakusa in a puffer jackets kill me now 

I think his favorite dates besides being at home is walking dates ... just walking around the park.

He notices and remembers little things well. He probably heard girls in his class talk about how much they wanna go walking nights but cant bc they are scared.

So sunset to evening walks in parks 💕😔

Also picknick dates he loves them he doesnt walk or sit on the blanket with shoes on and he can never get really comfy on the blanket bc he only sits in the same positions he gets tense for no reason.

But one thing he really enjoys is when he has lunch break and he can enjoy it with you!

I think the best date you can have is a home alone date and he lays on ur lap and vents not him using you like a therapist

Also facetime dates omg he calls you after taking a shower wet hair omi gives me life

If you fall asleep on the facetime he is "like wake up hello? Wake up why did you fall asleep?" Till you wake up and tells you good night and dont forget to set ur alarms tomorrow for school.

Suna rintarou

Awkward at first

He appears to be uninterested but he actually just listens to you (he absorbs the info)

If you have a game console he plays online with you

He says on dates he has a little sister and how cute she is to appear as a good brother when in reality he round house kicks here at the stairs 💀

Shows you all the videos he recorded from the twins ngl they mad funny

Also spills all the tee from the team so dates are never gonna be quiet when he has like 374 chapters of stories to tell

Walks you at home and holds the umbrella he also holds the umbrella in a way where you are complete covered from the rain and ge gets a little wet.

Also he sends you memes through the day. He really texts more honestly than he talks.

Also a movie date fan

Watch bad movies him honestly his commentary is so funny pls I'm looking at all shark movies

Plans his pranks to the twins with you

He is also awkward at ur house

😐

/📱

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"Where should I sit?"

Thanks you @jackreed1967 💕 sorry for making the suna part so short I didnt had any ideas for him left😔

[jaeminlore]

If The Moon Tells You Something | Taeyong

summary: if the moon tells you something, believe it.

words: 4.1k+

category: jack frost au, rise of the guardians references and easter eggs, taeyong is a cutie, also inspired by my ocs raven, bc i love him

Fairy lights are strung across your headboard. They keep slipping off of the left corner, though, because your window is wide open. Winter hasn't been kind to your university's campus at all. Snow has been pelting the ground since the early morning.

Wind howls through the open window, rattling the pane and sending your thin, white curtains to billow out.

"This is ridiculous," you mutter. You head toward the pane and struggle to push it down, wondering why your house has to be so old; so finicky in extreme weather. Soon, your upper body is shivering from you leaning outside to brush away some of the heavy snow that had accumulated around the pane.

You can see the edge of your roof from your uncomfortable stretching. Snow falls onto your face as if it had been kicked off, so you wonder if there's an owl or a squirrel trying to make a small home for the night.

Instead, a boy peaks over. He smiles.

You shriek and back into your room, scraping your back on the wooden pane. "Ow," you bemoan quietly.

Hesitantly, you peak back out and are startled once again to see that the boy has — assumedly — jumped down to the awning just under your window. "Hello!" He greets, as if he is nothing but a casual passerby on the streets.

His dark locks are covered in white frost, and his lips are a blueish-purple. His eyelashes seem to be completely covered with icy snow. When he blinks at you, some of the melted ice trails from his eyelashes down his pale cheeks.

To you, he looks ethereal. Almost too beautiful to be human. It unnerves you, even more than him showing up unannounced in the middle of the night. "What— Who are you?"

He smiles, teeth sparkling. The air turns white when he talks. "I'm Taeyong."

You furrow your brows. "Are you trying to be Jack Frost or something? Because I'm pretty sure he doesn't scare people just before they're going to sleep!"

Taeyong is sitting cross-legged beneath your window. His elbows are perched on the sill and his chin is rested upon his palms. "Jack Frost is just a pseudonym. Like John Doe. I've been out all night doing icicle runs."

"What are icicle runs?"

"It's where I run across everyone's roof and leave icicles in my wake. It's a vital part of winter, you know." He says it so seriously, and his brown eyes glint with nothing but sincerity.

"So the legends are real?" you manage to breathe out, teeth beginning to chatter.

He laughs, and it sounds to be the warmest thing about him. "Am I going to start nipping at your nose? Maybe." He reaches out and pokes your nose.

You scrunch up your face as the chilliness spreads throughout your body. "Why don't you go bother someone else?"

Taeyong pauses. He looks almost sad. "Not many people can see me, you know? Usually just children. Really smart children who believe in myths adults struggle so hard to understand. Maybe the belief has never outgrown you."

You blink. "Maybe not."

"So I'm bothering you for now." The corners of his eyes crinkle.

You think of your assignment. An art piece on something you strongly believe in. Something abstract and realistic at the same time. Something that makes people think. Something that makes people believe what you do.

Usually, you'd be up to your chest in anxiety over such a large project, especially with it being due over winter break. However, you're snowed in this winter break, with no flights going in or out for a few days. You and your family decided it would be smart to refund the tickets and try for spring break instead.

The thought of spending the holidays alone, without your family, breaks your heart.

All this to say that you're nearly done with your project, since there's nothing better to do besides wallow around in your dorm or snoop through your absent roommates secret candy stash.

You're a bit at odds right now, wondering if the boy in front of you is real, or merely a fatigue-induced mirage crafted up from your extensive research on mythical legends and other things the majority of people tend to believe — at least to an extent.

"I'm real," the boy says. He drops into your dorm, and as soon as his bare feet hit the linoleum, a thin sheet of ice ripples across your floor, breaking apart like lightening bolts. It almost looks as if your floor is now a frozen lake, cracking to reveal the cold depths beneath. "At least, to you."

"So you're just a figment of my imagination?" You rubs your eyes. Once, twice. Then you blink. "You're still here."

"I'm not a figment of anything," he laughs. His eyes crinkle at the sides and there's a certain purity that seems to escape him in that moment. "I'm a guardian. I'm real. But only people who believe can see me."

"I didn't know I believed that much," you mumble to yourself.

A chill creeps down your spine, making you jolt in shock. You spin around, and Taeyong is just behind you, his pointer finger pressed between your shoulder blades.

"This is crazy," he whispers, more to himself than to you. "Not many people believe in Jack Frost, you know. Especially not adults."

"I'm barely an adult," you compensate. "I'm a college student. It's not like I have no wonder left in me."

Taeyong cocks his head to the side. Then he grins. His lip draw upwards into a wide, joyful expression. His eyebrows knit together, and you notice very briefly, that his eyes shine a certain hue of blue in the light. "Wonder. What a wonderful thing, huh?"

"I suppose."

Taeyong leaps back outside, and that's when you notice he isn't standing on anything. He's flying; floating in mid air with no foothold or handle anywhere.

You rush to the window and lean out, eyelids squinted as you try to catch a glimpse of him before the wind takes him away.

For a moment, you notice that he now has a staff in his hand. A long, hooked staff that resembles a gnarled tree branch of some sort. He holds it up, points it at the sky, and then he's gone.

And in his place, snowflakes fall.

-

"Do you believe in Jack Frost?" You ask your professor the next day. You're sitting with the old man outside on one of the many picnic tables around the campus. He's enjoying his own peaceful lunch break.

You, however, have nothing to do, and this is his last day of work until after winter break is over. You're beginning to think last night was just a strange dream, and you need someone to back you up. Therefore, your art professor.

He's one of those jolly old men who look like a mix between a mad scientist and Santa Claus. Professor Joyce, for instance, has a short white beard and bushy eyebrows that just nearly cover his friendly brown eyes. Currently, he is wearing khaki shorts and hiking boots, leaving his calves exposed to the harsh incoming winter. He's munching on carrot sticks, pondering your question with a ruddy smile. "Why? Has someone nipped at your nose?"

"Not exactly," you say, struggling to laugh at the joke that has him in mild stitches. "It's just... he's in Christmas songs, and he has like, ten movies named after him. I just wonder where the legend came from, and if it's real."

"I suppose all legends are real as long as there is belief. Who is to say that what exists in your head is not just as real as what is right in front of you? The entire system of belief begins with faith; the ability to believe what isn't seen."

"Yes, but say you did see something. Something most people don't believe in. How do you know that it wasn't a dream?"

"What did you see?" Professor Joyce narrows his eyes at you.

"Nothing," you speak quickly. "Nothing. I'm sure of it."

You wish him happy holidays, and let the man finish his lunch in peace. On your walk back to the dorm, you realize just how empty the campus is once students begin to return home. Only a few classes are left before break officially begins tomorrow, and only a few people are staying over break.

You wish you had followed your roommates lead and took your flight a week early. Lots of students had done that, after reading the weather reports and deciding it was smarter to simply miss a few classes rather than miss their entire winter break.

But no, you were dumb enough to think the storm would simply cease rather than get worse. Now you're stuck on campus looking like a fool, while only a few others mill around, matching your dismal mood.

You walk up the steps to your dorm building. The steps are coated in a thin sheen of ice, and the moment your sneaker sole steps on the last step, you slip and fall backwards. You close your eyes and brace for the impact of steps against your back, when you fall into someone's arms instead. Someone's very thin, cold arms.

"Woah there, better watch your step."

You jolt, jump out of the boy's arms and turn around. "Taeyong?" Hesitantly, you reach out and touch his hoodie-clad chest, surprised to feel solid muscle beneath it. You had half-expected your hand to fall right through.

"Questioning your beliefs again?" His voice is quiet; there's small smile on his face that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm real, y'know."

You ignore him and continue to head towards your dorm. However, instead of taking the hint, Taeyong walks alongside you, steps spritely. Once you reach your door and stop, taking out your keycard, he stops too, and leans against his staff, simply watching you. "How interesting," he murmurs.

You avoid his gaze and push into your room. "What?"

"You don't want to believe in me, yet you do. That's not usually how it works."

"I don't believe in Jack Frost," you say. You notice the way the light dims behind his kind eyes, and for a moment you wish you could take it back. "But you're here. You're in front of me, and I can't say you aren't real, because it's obvious you are."

Taeyong raises his eyebrows. "I suppose. But I'm only visible to you because you believed beforehand. So you're lying to me."

"I'm not," you say. "I don't believe in fairytales."

"Hmm," Taeyong hums. He skips towards your desk and finds your laptop, open to your last researching topic before you went to take a walk. "The Legend of Jack Frost. You believe in me."

His sing-song voice irritates you only mildly. "I don't," you insist. "I'm studying you. It's for... its for an art project."

"An art project," Taeyong settles his arms across his chest. "So I'm your muse then."

"No," you say.

"Of a sorts."

"Of a sorts," you grit out. "But I was just looking you up after last night. I wasn't planning on you returning."

"And why not?" Taeyong pouts, leaning against his staff again. "You're the only one who believes in me for, like, miles. I want to hang out with you."

"Well, I have work to do, so if you're staying, stay quietly."

"I will!" Taeyong leaps onto your roommates bed and crosses his legs. Frost trails across the mattress and up the headboard. It creeps up the wall and covers the poster of your roommate's celebrity crush. "I promise."

"Okay." You resolve that even if he is just a figment of your imagination, you should still work on your project. You pull up your design page and begin brainstorming. There are many things you believe in, but none strong enough to convince others to believe as well. Nothing comes to mind, so you sit in front of your laptop screen, chewing on the end of your stylus.

You shiver.

"Sorry," Taeyong finally speaks up. "That's the unfortunate side of being my friend: it's always cold."

You grab your blanket off of your bed and wrap it around your shoulders, eyeing the small man as he sits still, just as you asked. He looks preoccupied, touching each polaroid on your roommate's wall and turning it to frost. You wonder briefly how much lasting damage that will have on the picture. But, then again, if he isn't real, then the pictures are fine. "Who said we were friends?"

"Aren't we?" Taeyong smiles lazily. "You believe in me, and I'm starting to believe in you. That's what friends do."

"You're "starting" to believe in me?" You make air quotes. "Why wouldn't you believe in me? I'm a human. I'm real."

"I'm real," Taeyong says simply. "I'm immortal, but I'm real."

"You're not in my history book," you say.

"You're not in mine," Taeyong sticks his tongue out childishly. "But I'm in that book."

He points to the shelf on your wall. There's a book there, one given to you by your great aunt, a long time ago. It's a book passed down through generations, with legends from different cultures. Saint Nicholas, the Easter Bunny, the Sandman, The Boogeyman, The Tooth Fairy, and of course, Jack Frost. Other myths like yetis and leprechauns and the fae... anything children tend to believe in.

Anything you believe in. Or, used to believe in. Things that seem so childish when spoken aloud. Because you can't go out for drinks and discuss fairy circles. You can't leave cookies out for Santa when your roommate will laugh at you for it. You can't hide a tooth under your pillow out of fear that one morning it might still be there.

"That's from when I was a child," you say. "It's more for nostalgia than anything else."

Taeyong hums and drifts over to it, leaving a chill in his wake. He grasps the book and opens it up, He begins to leaf through it. "Usually, one who doesn't believe doesn't write notes on the things they don't believe in."

You feel your neck heat up as Taeyong trails his finger down your notes. "Why, just last year, you stuck your wisdom teeth beneath your pillow. Why would you do that if you don't believe?"

"I–" You take time to answer. "I'm not supposed to–"

"Not supposed to believe? Not supposed to have fun?" Taeyong looks concerned, closing the book and leaning in close. His face is just in front of yours, and his breath is cold against your cheeks. "Why not?"

You shrug and look away. "I don't know. It's different when you become an adult. People look at you weird if you believe in stuff like that."

"What about angels and demons and ghosts and gods?" Taeyong says, "Don't adults believe in them?"

"Those are different." You sit at your desk and put your head in your hands. "Those aren't just debate topics. They bring hope of an afterlife; of something more meaningful than life itself."

"And we don't?" Taeyong sits on your desk and closes your laptop. He leans onto his palm and circles the rim of your mug. "We don't bring hope?"

"Not to adults. Not when you start thinking about what life really means."

"What about to you?" Taeyong asks. His eyes are blown out, brown in color, but that familiar icy blue returns, creeping into his irises. He finally blinks, and frost drifts down his cheeks. "Do we bring hope to you?"

You suck in a breath and stare at him. "Yes. You do."

-

Taeyong doesn't return for two days, and you truly start to think he's found someone else who believes much more than you. You imagine that your heart, or soul, or wherever the belief is stored, is rather dim compared to the schoolchildren across town.

You stay on your bed, tossing a stress ball into the air and catching it, over and over again. The wind howls outside, rattling your window into opening, but you're too sad to close it. Christmas Eve is only a week away, and all flights in and out are still cancelled. The snow isn't letting up either, so you don't even want to risk walking out of your dorm.

You sigh and close your eyes. "I can't believe I'm saying this," you whisper into the empty room. "But Jack Frost, if you're near, could you come visit me?"

The wind whistles louder, and your window slams shut.

You jolt up, eyeing the window. "What the–"

"You called?" Taeyong is the in your doorway, leaning on his staff. He has a sort of shit-eating grin on his face. "I knew it wouldn't take long before you missed me."

You avoid his eyes and pick at the hem of your sweater sleeves. "I'm just... lonely here. That's all. I don't miss you, per se."

"I think you missed me." Taeyong says. His eyes shine with mirth and just as the room gets colder, you feel warmth flood your veins.

You don't deny it. "Come distract me from my project. I'm too upset to do anything productive."

You fall back down onto your bed, scooting sideways until your shoulder is pressing against the wall.

Taeyong lays down beside you. He conjures up a snowball, and begins to throw it up in the air, in the same speed that you throw your stress ball. "Distract you, huh?"

"Yeah. Anything."

"Hmm, should I tell you about me? How I came to be?"

"Yes, please," you set the stress ball down and turn on your side. You focus on Taeyong's side profile: his sharp jawline and the boyish slope of his nose. His eyelashes are still covered in frost, in an ethereal way that makes you think of snowflakes against a windowpane.

"My name is Jack Frost. How do I know that? The moon told me so. But that was all he ever told me. And that was a long, long time ago..."

-

Taeyong leaves after his story, but he comes around every so often after that, if just to tell you hello and ask about your project. You're still stumped, but it's easier to feel creative when he's around, so you mostly doodle sketches of him.

He continues his story every night, adding on as he remembers. You illustrate his stories, drawing rough sketches of the way he describes the elves and the easter bunny.

With each night your wonder grows, and you end up begging him to stay, if just to finish the story sooner.

Taeyong finally does finish it, the day before Christmas Eve, and you've hung onto every word. "So Pitch was defeated?"

"Yeah," Taeyong says. "I mean, as long as there is fear, he'll exist. But as long as there is belief, so will we."

He smiles at you, and you wonder if he's always been this handsome.

-

Christmas Eve is spent FaceTiming your family, and leaving them hints about what you've bought them. You even watch a movie with them through the screen, and you feel a lot better than you did before. They reassure you that Christmas in Springtime is most definitely a thing, and not something they made up on the spot.

You feel a bit better about spending Christmas alone.

Well, not alone. Realistically, all the other students who got snowed in will more than likely gather in the cafeteria tomorrow for cold pizza and a small gift exchange with the professors that also stayed over.

But you'll feel alone. No one you know is snowed in, and you've still got your project to complete.

You know exactly what you want to believe in now, even if your professor or peers might laugh at you.

With the radio playing a low hum of holiday music, you begin to sketch a rough outline of your project onto your tablet screen.

Your window rattles again.

You smile to yourself. "Come in, Taeyong."

You feel him before you see him by the cold frost that creeps across the windowpane and over to your feet, uncovered by your blanket. You shiver, and Taeyong finally makes himself known.

He stands beside your chair, watching you work. "It's me," His voice brightens. He leans down until his chest brushes against your shoulder.

Warmth spreads through your body just as quickly as the cold chill his skin brings. His chilly breath brushes against the shell of your ear, and you do your best not to let it distract you as you show him your project. "Yeah."

"Why?" Taeyong's voice has a sudden softness to it you haven't heard before.

"Because..." You trail off, wondering if its appropriate to tell an immortal guardian that you have a crush on him. It most certainly is, but Taeyong's eyes are a beautiful mix of brown and blue, and his eyelashes are a pretty cream color, mesmerizing as they fall against his opaque skin. "Because you're what I believe in most."

With Taeyong so close, you can hear his breath catch in his throat. "You admitted it," he whispers. "Like, properly."

"No sense telling myself any different," you conclude.

Taeyong doesn't answer; doesn't move, so you turn your head to check his reaction.

You heart lurches in your chest when you realize hes already looking at you. Your nose bumps against his. A chill spreads across your face, opposing Taeyong's cheeks, now rosy with a sort of frost bitten warmth one receives after coming into the house after a long day of playing in the snow.

You focus on his eyes. The reflection of the fairy lights behind the two of you flicker in his eyes, along with an emotion you can't name.

It disappears just as quickly, and it's replaced by a sort of serene glow. His gaze drifts down your face, landing on your lips. You bite your bottom lip nervously, and he watches action.

His hand, on your shoulder suddenly, like he's just decided he needs to steady himself. "I've never felt this warm before," he whispers.

"Does it hurt?" your lips brush against his, and there’s a jolt down your spine from how cold his lips are.

"Not really," he says, eyes closing. "It's nice. It makes me feel close to you. I want to be close to you."

His voice gets softer as he continues; the vulnerability fills your heart with affection.

"Taeyong," you hum, "you can kiss me."

Something like an expression of thanks escapes Taeyong's lips in the form of a sigh. He kisses you, lips cold and chapped against your smooth ones.

His hand stays on your shoulder, but it drifts slowly towards your neck. His nimble fingers play against the seam of your collar, and every time he accidentally grazes you skin, he pushes closer. Closer, until his chest is flushed against yours and your desk chair rolls back, breaking the two of you apart in a fit of laughter.

"Taeyong." You stand up and rest your palm against his chest. "Come here."

Taeyong nods, eyes on you the entire time while you turn him and push him towards the bed. He sits on the end almost obediently and looks up at you, eyes starry and wide.

You move your body between his spread legs and cup his face. You let the pad of your thumb brush across his jaw, cold and smooth. "You're really pretty," you say.

Taeyong blinks up at you. His lips, pale and purple, curl up into a smile. His eyebrows furrow, like he's unsure. "Really?"

You want to tell him that he's a snowflake personified. He's the sunlight on a patch of snow and the way a child lights up when a snowball in thrown. He's the cheer of a snow day and the cold nip at your shoulders when you open the front door.

You can't say it, not right now, so you bend down and kiss him again, allowing your mouth to melt against his.

His cold fingers grip the bottom of your shirt. He tugs you down: closer, closer, closer until the two of you are lying down, legs tangled together.

Taeyong stops to lean his forehead against yours, breath chalky in the warm air of the dorm. "I think I can hold off the snow long enough for you to fly over."

"What?" you sit up. "Taeyong, really? You'd do that?"

Taeyong nods, still lying down. He's smiling up at you, like you're something magnificent in a light he's never seen before. In reality you are just you, and there's a painting of him in the background, more beautiful then he's ever perceived himself to be. "As long as you promise to come back, where I — and a few extra weeks of winter — will be waiting."

[softer-ua]

Two Left Feet, And One In The Mouth

Pt. 1

Lying there catching his breath seething Katsuki became suddenly aware of the feeling of melting iceberg quickly soaking his back, every drop replacing his already spread thin patients

Katsuki knew he need to hurry up and fix things with Deku, that he should go change into the spare clothes he kept in his office, that he had a much better chance of winning Deku over if he played nice with his friends, and he knew Shoto was only turning his hoodie into a impromptu sponge to piss him off and distract him from actually accomplishing any of that.

He also knew that it was fucken working.

Jumping up he felt his hoodie’s new weight pulling on him, the bastard had soaked him all the way through and the hoodie's fluffy inside was only making it worse, gross dirty floor water was fast spreading all the way down his pants and even through to his front.

Kasuki was seeing red, the only thought in his head was a vision of the Icyhot bastards head on a pike.

And that's how 15 minutes later he found himself standing in the meeting room sporting a few new bruises and dripping a puddle onto the floor, as he argued with ‘Lightning Mcqueen in glasses’ that he shouldn’t have to take the sole blame for ‘blowing up half the lobby’ or the charring on the lower branches of the lobby’s new ‘just set up yesterday, took all day to decorate, Sato ate half a snickers cheesecake just to get it in here, Tamaki and Ochako were so excited to put the star on, blah blah blah’ Christmas tree.

Those were clearly fire singe marks, not explosive blowback, and he told Mirio as much as he turned to blatantly ignore Iida. He also told him it was absolutely bullshit they had a tree up in the first week of fucken November!

Katsuki didn’t care to admit most of this blustering was to avoid admitting the main reason ‘a little bit of water set off a top ranking pro’ was because his brand Fucken new, curently one of a fucken kind, limited edition Hero Deku tee was hidden under his hoodie.

It was supposed to be part of the nerds Christmas present. His dad had just given it to him last night for a trial wear before they made the actual order to have enough made in time to be advertised and auctioned off to raise funds for the nerds favorite holiday charities.

Katsuki had planned to show up to dance practice in it after patrol and then do some photos together to boost the word about the dance and the auction.

Now not only was Deku not talking to him, but if he showed Deku this gross wrinkled mess he’d probably never speak to him again. Today officially sucked and all because ChargeDolt and RedRot couldn’t keep their fucken mouths shut... and some other things that were definitely not his fault either.

Eventually Mirio and Iida seem to tire themselves out and let the group go with a warning to expect their already packed schedules to be slammed with several hours of community service and outreach.

And of course Mirio asked Katsuki had to hang back because the universe hated him today. And of course he was given some more bad news because why would anything ever be easy?

Deku had been switched to evening patrol for today with Tokoyami, and Amajiki had agreed to take his place for the first half of the morning and Uraraka would join him after lunch

Katsuki wanted to bitch that they couldn’t reschedule because they had stupid dance practice, but between Deku not wanting to talk to him, no ‘don’t stay mad at me’ surprise, not wanting to explain to Deku what happened to the lobby, and not even a half baked explanation or apology in mind for why he said what he did Katsuki just grunted his acknowledgement and went to change into his costume. If anything he was getting off easier like this. At least Amajiki was on of the few extras he could stand.

_______________________________________________

If Mirios plan for punishment was to guilt him to the core by saddling him with a semi sulking SunEater, then he was an evil genius. Cause it was working, Katsuki hadn’t felt this all around ashamed since.… well probably only like a year but still.

Amajiki was one of the few people who Katsuki actually respected as a hero and a person, not only did the fellow pro have a kick ass quirk that he used creatively but Katsuki had grown to (begrudgingly) admire the hero for how up front he was with his anxiety and how hard he worked through it. It kinda reminded him of Deku and his oddballness and how the nerd used it to his advantage to become the symbol of hope.

Katsuki had been expecting a half mumbled lecture and a maybe even prodding about therapy. The nervous nellies' unusually strong(for them) vendetta with the hero world was it's slacking in mental healthcare or whatever.

So after struggling through about four hours of sullen silence, (that was also infuriatingly familiar, apparently heroing wasn’t all the nerd had learn from his senpais), Katsuki snapped with a screech like an overly taunt fiddle string.

“I’m sorry about the fucken tree! If it’s not replaced by the time we get back I’ll do it my goddamn self, happy?!” Katsuki had been expecting Tamki to give a quiet nod or retreat into himself more, depending on how he took his offer. He definitely didn’t expect to be glared at

“You think I’m upset about the tree?” Amajiki tilted his head in confusion. Maybe they should talk about Katsuki seeing the team's therapist more. Monthly was the minimum everyone on the newly forged Heros Union of Honor had to attend but Katsuki was clearly needing more support right now. Maybe it was the holidays? A good portion of them were going biweekly now for that reason.

HUH was more than an agency. It was a newly emerging code of ethics board. You were expected to be worth the honor of being called a hero when partnered with HUH, and that meant getting your mental health to its peak was a priority.

That didn’t mean everyone (or really anyone) was perfectly mentally fit, just that mental health was a priority. Other agencies had taken notice of how differently they operated even within their first year, and since then a few had even sent their heroes through the HUH program to learn how to operate more like them. They were quickly taking up the void the Hero's Commission had left.

“I’m not upset about the tree, I’m upset because you hurt my friends and fellow hero partners-“ Amajiki was rudely cut off as he caught a gauntlet to the chest, thank god they’d gotten smaller over the years.

“He’s your business partner, he’s MY hero partner, has been since before we agreed to join this agency.” Katsuki thundered.

Why everyone on the board had to call each other partners was something Katsuki didn’t understand, but he refused to let them slip up and start tossing around the phrase Hero Partner. They were all business partners,something anyone could become. A Hero Partner was a major commitment, and Katsuki had the signed legal waivers to prove it.

Amajiki stopped and looked at Katsuki fully, really taking in his teammates' rattled appearance.

Katsuki had been doing well, dare say even flourishing within HUH, so today’s outbreak was nearly out of character at this point and still Katsuki didn’t appear to be calming down any. If anything he was only growing more tightly wound.

Yes, Amajiki was upset with Katsuki but he’d remained silent during their patrol more so the blonde could have some time to think, but it didn’t seem to have done him any good. Amajiki fought through the nervousness that crawled under his skin and begged him to just let the explosive guy be.

Mirio had asked him to talk with Katsuki, under some false impression that Katsuki respected him more, but before this moment he’d figured it was better to not butt in. He hadn’t been around when this morning’s incident happened but he could see another one brewing.

Amajiki shuffled side to side for a second considering his options. He could just send Katsuki home early, even put him on leave until he got cleared by the teams therapist. Or he could do what Mirio suggested and reach out to a struggling teammate.

Therapy was good, but therapy with a support network was better.

“GroundZero, let’s take lunch. I think we need to have a talk-“ Amajiki put up a slightly trembling hand to silence the blonde. Straightening his back and furthering his resolve he pushed forward. “-This isn’t really optional, we neeeed to have a talk, and about more than this morning's incident. I wanna talk about your hero partner.”

Katsuki’s argument died on his tongue.  He shoved his hands in his pockets with a grunt and jerked his head to signal to Amajiki to take the lead.

Katsuki knew he wasn’t gonna like what came next but he tried to reminded himself that he trusted and respected Amajiki, and that meant hearing him out when asked. It’s what Deku would do, so it’s what Katsuki would try to do.

[holisticpassport]

My Covid Story

Apologies for any spelling errors, I’m on a time crunch. I’m a few hours out from leaving for my first flight since July 2019 (and before that, March 2018). Heading out to Sydney, I’m a mix of anxiety and absolute excitement. In January of this year, our sublet was almost up in Eltham and Cam and I had plans to pack up the car and begin doing workaways around Australia to help rebuild communities devastated by the historic wild fires (doesn’t that feel FOREVER ago?). When our sublet became available for a full lease transfer, we changed our minds to stay in our space, so that was the first instance of travel being knocked out of the picture. Then we had Valentine’s weekend open to go visit some friends in Tasmania, so we booked tickets and upon waiting in the airport, our flights were cancelled due to inclement weather. DAMN.  Mid-march came around and it was Cam’s birthday, so we wanted to get out for a weekend of camping in our big bell tent, find a gorgeous spot in the woods out east near Warburton. When we arrived, every camping spot for an hour’s dive any direction was either full or completely not open at all. We picked a spot off a random road and spent one night there, but some rangers came by and said we couldn’t stay there due to the possible danger of logging trucks not seeing us. So that was a bust.

Then as you’re aware, this time frame leads up to the very tumultuous third week of March when Melbourne officially went into its first lockdown due to COVID. I documented this time in journal entries which I will add at the end, but ultimately the lockdown went until June, and the state reopened too quickly/had a fiasco with quarantined cases getting out of a hotel, thus sparking the second wave. We had flights booked to California for June to see my family and then planned to travel around Mexico for a few months, but that dream was quickly squashed when flights out of Melbourne ceased to exist at all. Months later, I had a flight booked in July to go to Sydney where I was to have my eggs extracted for donation. The day before I was to fly out, second lockdown went into effect and the flight was cancelled (thus forcing me to have the procedure done in Melbourne and cause a huge, historic controversy between Melbourne IVF’s CEO and the medical director of IVF Australia about how to transfer frozen eggs over a closed border!).

I’m struggling to comprehend just how important and meaningful my ability to travel today is. To think back to the first time in history, watching borders around the world close, flights become grounded, and witnessing a global pandemic unfold whilst in a foreign country—I remember thinking at the beginning how unfathomable the scale of it was. When people talk about things not seeming real or like it’s a dream you can’t wake up from, that’s exactly how it felt. I questioned whether I needed to go back to the U.S. in fear I might not see my family for years or be with them if they got fatally ill. Would I be able to even go back if that happened let alone would I be able to re-enter AU (the answer was no). And thank god I didn’t go back considering the absolute cluster fuck of a mess Trump made of the pandemic. But also, thank god my family has been healthy and safe. The level of fear for their safety was at an all-time high as civil tensions grew when the riots around the country kicked off in conjunction with the pandemic. I wrote to all of them to have a plan to escape to Mexico and get their passports if Trump won the re-election. This was a genuine fear I’ve never experienced before.

The level of frustration, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, self-hatred for lack of productivity during lockdown, and uncertainty about so many facets of life weighed down on me during this time. But I know how much worse our time could have been. I was immensely grateful for the fact that we had a home and incredibly gracious landlords who were human and understood the financial difficulties of this unprecedented time when so many became homeless as job loss skyrocketed. We were so fortunate that I was able to continue working even 2 days a week through the lockdown as a barista and Cam was able to get government support for six months as a NZ citizen who lived in AU over 10 years when so many other New Zealanders were forced to return to their country because of the time limit stipulation for support. We only had two family members contract Covid and were young and healthy enough to survive when so many families will be without a member at the holidays this year.

And I acknowledge my privilege in that my identity is so closely entwined with the ability to travel, that while it felt suffocating to not even have the choice to travel anywhere outside of a 5km (3mile) zone, I fully empathize with those in parts of the world where they could not walk more than 50 meters from their front door or people who didn’t have windows/balconies in apartment buildings who were going out of their mind. All of that does not diminish the struggles I faced with not being able to travel, but it does always keep my perspective in check. My trip today signifies how a city and a country came together during the most difficult period of our lifetime, followed strict government guidelines, and came out after 120+ days in full lockdown on the other side of a pandemic, now able to cross state borders without isolation or quarantine. To go to a live music show,  have drinks on rooftop bars, walk around outside without a mask on, and see people going about their daily lives again on public transport and see a city bustling with energy—the months of mental hardship and growth was all to get back to a post-Covid world. Even though a vaccine is not out yet and we need to be cautious, the level of hopelessness has diminished significantly, and I’m not terrified my trip might be cancelled in two hours. I’m actually going this time!

There is also a whole other facet to my time in lockdown and that of course is the personal development and mutual growth in my marriage! That’s a whole separate post though which I hope to get out soonish. But here’s a bit of something I started a few months ago. Enjoy.

 ********

I remember when it first started in the news; like a minor blip of a story flashing at the bottom of the screen: some mutant virus had infected a couple dozen people in some random city in China. I was working solo in a café serving the employees of a major shoe distribution company in the warehouse district of Collingwood, Melbourne. The TV was on in the cafe but muted the first few weeks of January as the main stories were about the most devastating wildfires in the history of the world, and we all just felt a communal helplessness. As the numbers grew in China and the story became a daily headline, the first case was announced in Queensland on January 25th. Everyone stuck around a few minutes longer each day after they were handed their coffee. I think back to the moment when Wuhan, the epicenter at the time, reported 1,500 cases and I thought surely there can’t be much more than that. This is just media sensationalizing something small. This whole story will blow over in another week or two.

If only.

It was summer in Australia, and my husband and I were planning what to do after our sublease was up in mid-March. I commuted daily from a suburb 50 minutes north called Eltham, a creative and eco-friendly heritage town. We lived in a triplex made of adobe mudbrick, surrounded by native forest, a communal garden, and enjoyed huge artisan windows that brought in natural filtered light through the towering trees. Our little studio was a quiet haven away from the chaos and constant flurry of people in Melbourne, especially during summer as it brought travelers from every corner of the globe. There was no way we could have possibly known that this little paradise would feel like a prison after six months in the world’s longest lockdown due to a global pandemic caused by that little virus in some random city in China now known worldwide as COVID-19.

As the weeks passed by in February, more and more countries began reporting cases. I did not understand how pandemics worked as the last one I was alive for and could remember was H1N1 in California, and I was about 17—far too consumed with college applications and boys to think about world affairs. The Spanish Flu was never something that was particularly emphasized in our history classes, so it didn’t even occur to me to compare what was happening now to that point in time. Then again, this was incomparable because in 1912, the world was a less globalized economy and there were no commercial flights transporting thousands of passengers across the globe daily. By the first week of March, my daily rush-hour commutes became the first real difference I noticed. The number of morning passengers on the train platforms dwindled from 50 to 25 to 5, and eventually, to just me. As the train stopped at over 30 stops from where I lived to the city, my carriage wasn’t even remotely full at 7 a.m.

There was less foot traffic in the city. Flinders Street Station, one of the two largest hubs that saw thousands of people daily, was eerily quiet and empty. We were two weeks out from leaving Melbourne to go travel, planning to go to New South Wales, AU to help rebuild communities that were ravaged by the bushfires. I was desperate to travel this year, and we were so close to leaving. I had picked up some other barista work in an advertising agency closer to the city. But day by day, office workers were being told to work from home if they were able to. Hand sanitizer became readily available in the café, bathrooms, and around the office. I remember staring out the window of this high rise building that overlooked the lush green stretch of Albert Park and thinking it looks so normal outside. Every day, I looked at the news in Australia, which I had never really done before. Industries were shutting down, and the panic was setting in for thousands of casual workers in the hospitality industry as it was only a matter of time before we would be shut down too.

Melbourne is a cultural hub filled with travelers who typically come here on a Work and Holiday Visa which gives them 1-2 years to work and live in AU. Most find work in hospitality as there are over 40,000 restaurants and cafes in this region. You couldn’t go a single day without meeting someone from another country which is why I fell in love with this city. I worked as a freelance barista through agencies that called for workers to be able to step in if someone called out sick or quit unexpectedly and they found themselves short. But my agencies had gone completely silent in the week leading up to the industry shutting down. There was no more work and travelers were finding themselves stranded. I journaled daily in the lead up to my final day of work in the city as I knew something big was happening, and I wanted to be able to recall when it all began. I also knew we would not be travelling anytime soon, around Australia or otherwise, when national and international borders began closing around the world.

 March 17th, 2020

All that’s being talked about is COVID-19. Entire countries are closing borders and going into complete lockdown. Italy has been inundated with patients in hospitals and now have to choose who lives and who dies. AU isn’t taking nearly as intense of measures, but the general atmosphere is not normal. All events with over 500 people have been cancelled. Those who have traveled anywhere must self-quarantine for 14 days or face a huge fine. Some people still don’t take it seriously, thinking/acting like it’s just a normal flu when in reality its ability to be passed on and even re-infect someone a second time is much higher than the rate of a simple flu. In the states, my family says all the restaurants and schools have closed, even the Hollywood entertainment industry has closed down. So many independent contractors, myself included, are without means to live because there’s no emergency government funding in place. It shows what’s truly flawed with the system. Luckily Cam has full time work still, but for those people who have kids and no daycare options? No partner or family? Those who are traveling and can’t get back home? This is devastating for all of us, but them in particular. Supposedly, there are rumors that the virus dies with the warm weather, but AU is headed into winter. It could be why the virus isn’t as big in places like South America and Africa (*note* countries from these two continents are now in the top 10 most infected places as of September 2020) Europe is completely shut down as is New Zealand. I have flights to California in June, so I’m hoping I can still go. For how weak my immune system is, I’m surprised I’m not more concerned because I’ve been continuously reassured the virus only attacks those with underlying conditions, mainly in the elderly population. Even in calm, tight-knitted communities like ours in Eltham, we’re seeing the best and worst of humanity come out with people hoarding resources, but also there are those offering rides for people to stores or grocery drop offs to their homes. I’m very interested to see how the next three months progress all around the world. Right about now, it’d be nice to hide away in a beachside house in Mexico. (*Mexico is also among the top 10 most infected countries now*)

March18th, 2020

The government should announce today whether hospitality industry will close, potentially putting Cam and I both out of jobs. Luckily our landlord is being highly accommodating. Trump is giving Americans $1,200 and has postponed tax season by 3 months. Only seems he does something decent when it’s to keep the economy from tanking and his money is protected.

Cam and I both have throat annoyances and headaches. We should try to stay home, but can’t afford it. Today, they’ve dropped gatherings of 500 down to only 100 people, yet shopping centers and public transport remain open, which I would think are the riskiest places for transferring infections. It’s been stated this is a once in a decade event that will change the course of history.

 March 19th, 2020

Amidst all the chaos from morning to night, people are finally taking time to nurture their interests and creativity. I’m taking two courses on sustainable fashion and fashion in design. I’ve also applied to be a mentor for women trying to gain work and leadership experience at an NGO called Fitted for Work. They have stylists that help women to prepare business outfits and tailor their resumes/do mock interviews. I’ve looked into an MA program I’m interested in at Warren Wilson College back in North Carolina. I think looking forward is the only way to keep the fear down about how long these shut downs may last possibly through June. The world economy is going to see some extremely confronting realities it hasn’t seen since the Great Depression. For the moment I’m looking into teaching English online which I’m already certified to do, just to try and earn some money. I’ll be interested to see all the art that comes out of this period and the photojournalism that captures this historic time.

 March 21st, 2020

We went over to Williamstown (Cam’s parent’s house) as Cam had two shifts out that way. Restrictions in cafes are now 1 person per 4 square meters, so in the 100 person limit already imposed, it’s now down to 25. I’m nervous for Cam to keep working and going on public transport. It’s high risk and unethical in terms of coming in contact with people we could transmit it to without knowing (asymptomatic) because it takes 14 days to even show symptoms. We made the choice to start self-isolation come Monday as we can see in the next week or two the same spike will be here in Melbourne as we’ve seen in Italy and most likely soon to see in the U.S. Reading other peoples’ accounts about how they continued life as normal as though nothing had changed in Italy is exactly where AU is projected to head towards.

 March 25, 2020

As of Monday, AU took drastic measures to ensure safety and closed many non-essential businesses with a series of daily updates for more and more businesses to shut or only stay open for takeaway. Overnight, nearly 80,000 people in hospitality work were laid off or lost work, Cam and I included. A stimulus package of 66 billion dollars was announced and Cam qualified for government payments through Centrelink because he’s a kiwi who’s been here over 10 years. Other kiwis who haven’t been here that long are completely without any kind of support from the AU government, even though in NZ, Aussies are supported. A very backward, selfish system who told them to go home.

We went to Centrelink on Monday at 7:45am in Greensborough (suburb over from Eltham). By 8:30 am when the doors opened there were over 200 people in line. The government has been terribly confusing with their messages out to the public, highly unprepared. People are confused about what they can and can’t do, what businesses are remaining open, who is eligible… it’s a mess. Why are liquor stores and hair salons considered essential?? There have been spikes in young people getting this virus as young as 18, and they are dying. The virus coats your lungs like a jelly ultimately blocking oxygen. We did what is hopefully our last grocery shop because being in the store is just as contagious as a café. There’s no safety or hygiene measures in place. We had gloves on and people were dancing around each other in the aisles to maintain 1.5m social distance.

The U.S. is becoming the new epicenter with horrific rapid spreading, particularly in New York. Flight around the world, including as of today AU, are being stopped and we can no longer leave the country at all.

  To Be Continued…..

[fanfic-scribbles]

Sweet As

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Summary: Natasha didn’t know she would like soft things but SHIELD surprises her in a number of ways– this time, with you.

Quick facts: Romance – Natasha Romanoff/Reader – female!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Reader is a softie, Natasha is a softie at heart, Christmas fic, references to baking/candy making (I’m hungry), set pre-Avengers

Words: 2218

A/N: Friendly reminder that I occasionally glance at canon and then tend to throw it out the window, so sorry if characterizations don’t match. I’m keeping the “MCU Captain America/Avengers” for fandom because it’s in that universe but in my head this is set in a nebulous time where Natasha has been working for SHIELD for a little while but she’s still a little wary/kinda feral. But she’s still the Natasha in my head and I Love Her. This thing went places I didn’t expect but I am very pleased I finished it before Christmas (￣ω￣) Happy whatever you celebrate, even if all you celebrate is ‘having a good Wednesday.’ I hope tomorrow is most excellent. /hugs

   ~

  “So what are you angling for?”

Natasha barely looks askance at Clint, still sour on how he handled that truck during the mission, but he just nods in your direction and Natasha turns her head back to where she was already looking before Clint’s nonsensical question. You’re bobbing your head to Christmas music and typing away at the front desk of this field office that few other agents like to be stuck at– except around Christmas. She doesn’t get it. It isn’t that far from headquarters, and as far as receptionists go you’re much better at your job year-round than anyone in DC. And she does like talking to you. You’re nothing like she would expect from SHIELD, and while Natasha is fine with curt and formal, sometimes she likes being welcomed. You scratch that itch.

“It’s holiday baking season,” Clint says and leans in closer, but not too close to make Natasha uncomfortable. She might forgive his terrible driving someday. “So what were you trying to sweet-talk her into making?”

“I wasn’t trying to ‘sweet-talk’ anything. I was making polite conversation with someone who doesn’t crash cars into houses.”

“Aw, you can tell me. Come on, what’s your favorite?”

Natasha bristles. You’re completely oblivious to all of this, now too far away to hear the quiet conversation while you fiddle with something at a table on the other side of the room, and the guard in the corner looks bored. Good, because it’s going to be one of those conversations with Clint, she can feel it, and she’s just too tired; she just wants to get chewed out by Fury already and be officially done with this mission.

Clint leans back, resting his head in his hands. “I hope she makes the peppermint bark again; that was so good.”

Natasha’s stomach grumbles. She sighs.

“Ooo, were you here for the Ooey Gooey Holiday Bars? And the Santa Snack Mix. But you seem like you’d be into the classics. Were you trying for the sugar cookies?”

“I wasn’t trying for anything.”

“That smile you gave her totally betrayed you. Is it the homemade eggnog? Oh, but you like chocolate! Fudge maybe? But which kind?”

Natasha may not be a native speaker, but she’s damn good at a variety of languages and she always knows when she’s being made fun of. It rankles. Thankfully sometimes Clint has some self-preservation. “I’m sorry Nat,” he says and scoots away a little. “I was just trying to figure out what we might get next; that’s all.”

Natasha sits primly. “You’ll have to ask her.”

Indeed, the next moment you come over, bearing steaming hot mugs of sweetly-smelling chocolate. “I’m sorry about the wait,” you say. “I’m sure you’ll be seen very soon. In the meantime I hope this keeps you warm.”

Natasha doesn’t know what you’re on about– it is incredibly warm in this office, especially with your own body heat so close to add to the mix– but she takes the cup with a polite “thank you.”

Someone has to be polite, since Clint takes a gulp and then lets out a wholly inappropriate moan. “Is this the homemade stuff?”

“Straight from the Tupperware,” you say proudly. “I hope it’s good; if it isn’t I do have some powdered mix.”

Clint gives you such a severe look that actually shocks Natasha– she’s never seen it before– but your laugh puts her back at ease. “Well, hopefully it helps; I heard you guys had a rough ride in.” You look at Natasha and bite your lip nervously. “Do you like it?”

“It’s very good,” Natasha says and takes a sip. It’s hot, creamy, and does indeed do wonders for the urge to flip Clint into a wall.

You smile wide and you lean in close to whisper, “I gave you extra marshmallows.” Then you wink and go right back to your desk. You trip just before you make it into your chair but you slip into it and start typing again like nothing happened. Natasha smiles into her cup.

Clint is uncharacteristically silent for several seconds before he says, “Is my hearing aid still fritzing or did she give you extra marshmallows?”

Natasha’s smile curls into something even better.

~

“I think she likes you.”

The sparring session is over and Clint is lying on his back, breathing heavily. Their dressing-down hadn’t been as bad as Natasha had thought it would be, but the end of it had left them both still a little wired and so they had come to the gym to burn off the lingering anxiety.

Natasha is looking forward to crawling into bed soon, but Clint is looking at her expectantly. She eyes him warily as she sips her water, but the nonsensical statement is not followed by anything resembling an intent to attack. Once she’s had enough time to think, she pulls the bottle from her lips. “Who?”

“You know.” Clint raises his eyebrows and says your name. “No one, and I mean no one, ever gets extra marshmallows.”

Natasha rolls her eyes and Clint springboards to his feet. “No, really!” he insists and sits down on the bench with his own water bottle, practically choking on half the contents before he says, “Christmas treats are serious business around here and she always makes sure everything is ridiculously fair.”

“Stop being an idiot,” Natasha says, in vain.

“I’m not– oh, hey Bobbi!” Clint says and waves.

Agent Morse sees him and turns from her path to the locker rooms to approach them, a workout bag slung over her shoulder. “Barton. Romanoff.”

“Did you get some of that hot chocolate?” Clint asks.

“Of course. I think this was the best batch yet.” Bobbi’s eyes glaze over for a moment and then she snaps back to the professional Natasha is used to. “You’re lucky you got any; she had to defend your share with her life.”

“Some of us are luckier than others,” Clint says. “Natasha got extra marshmallows.”

Bobbi scoffs, but she looks between the two of them and her expression pinches into something overly sincere. “Are you serious?”

“Morse!” Hill calls out as she strides in, making all three of them flinch. “Why aren’t you changed?”

“Romanoff got extra marshmallows.”

Hill’s simmering displeasure dissipates and she whips her head to stare at Natasha. “Seriously?”

“They’re marshmallows,” Natasha says, wondering what is in the air and if she can avoid catching it.

“They’re handmade,” Clint says. “I’m not joking when I say holiday sweets are Serious Business around here. Didn’t you wonder why Fury is stationed here for the next month?”

Natasha throws her hands up, snatches her bag, and turns on her heel. “I’m going to bed; goodnight.”

When she’s almost out the front door, you’re cleaning up your station. “Goodnight Agent Romanoff!” you say.

Natasha…isn’t as annoyed anymore, so she turns and smiles at you. “Good night.”

Sure, you look a little…flustered…but Natasha assumes she still looks ragged from her workout and chalks it up to that.

~

But it doesn’t stop.

When she’s next making small talk with you and you give her a small bag of chocolates and Clint gives her a ‘knowing’ look, she wants to kick something.

When Agent May stops in and sees Natasha’s ‘stocking’ on the wall with everyone else’s, and then looks Natasha up and down before sharing a look with Morse and Hill, Natasha wants to strangle someone.

When Fury sees Natasha hastily stuffing another small cellophane-wrapped treat into her bag and then wordlessly hands Natasha a pamphlet on SHIELD’s workplace romance policy before turning and walking away, she wants to yell.

When you hand her a mug of hot chocolate with one large heart-shaped marshmallow floating on top, she…

…she doesn’t know what she wants to do.

~

Natasha is killing time on a punching bag, waiting for word from medical, when someone enters the room. She stills, tense and ready for whatever she’s going to get from Fury or Hill, but the footsteps are uneven and hesitant.

Natasha turns and watches you as you carefully walk across the mats. Natasha doesn’t know what she’s going to say– this is not the right time for this conversation– but apparently it doesn’t matter how unprepared and out of sorts she is because you’re leaning in and–

“So, um, don’t tell Fury, but Morales is going to text you when Clint is out of surgery and you’ll have ten minutes to run over and see him.”

Natasha blinks and stares as you pull back, fidgeting with your hands again. No amount of sweet-talking or threatening had done her any good, so… “How?”

You look elsewhere when you say, “I promised him a tray of something he really, really likes,” but you look at her resolutely when you add, “But I’m sworn to secrecy so don’t even ask.”

Even Coulson had lightly made fun of how Morales had lusted after the pan of butterscotch-something-or-other bars, so she can guess. However. “Why?” Natasha asks. “Why are you hel– why are you so interested in me?”

You look surprised for a brief moment. And then you shrug. Natasha had not expected that, but she listens when you start speaking. “You laugh at my dumb puns and you made a “Terminator” joke that made Agent May threaten to kill you and you fixed my computer better than IT ever could. You’re smart and brave and strong and, yes, pretty, and I like you and I want to know you better.”

“I’m a killer,” Natasha reminds you.

“This is SHIELD,” you remind her. “I wish I couldn’t say so, but everyone here is at least a little twisted and broken.” You shrug again. “It’s one of the reasons I started bringing in goodies at Christmas, actually. If you don’t have anyone or get stuck at work for a long time this can be a strange and lonely time of year, even if you don’t celebrate.” You squint. “Maybe even especially if you don’t.”

You look at her again, a strange mix of confident and uncertain. “I like you, and even if you don’t like me like that it’s okay and I’d still like to know you better. If…if you’re comfortable with that.”

Natasha has been up for almost 26 hours straight now and has spent five of those hours escaping a compound full of armed enemies. “I’ll have to think about it.”

You nod and step back. “Oh– and for the record,” you say. “Clint has always been very nice to me and I think he’d like to know you visited. Just…full disclosure.”

Natasha nods, but the second she moves her head is the second her phone buzzes in her pocket. You jump back and Natasha turns towards the door, already plotting the fastest path to medical, but she takes one step and then swings back over to you– and presses a gentle kiss to your cheek.

“Thank you,” Natasha says, takes one glance at your bewildered, dreamy expression, and then strides out of the gym, now with a plan and steadily growing sense of peace. After she checks on Clint, she’s going to go home. She would go to sleep right away but…well, the pamphlet Fury gave her is still on her desk, and she has some reading to do before bed.

~

A few days later Natasha walks into the office during the dead time in the afternoon, when the guard is switching and on the outside of your reception area. You scramble to cover up your phone at the clicking of her heels, but when you see it’s just her you exhale deeply and smile.

Natasha smiles back, and walks over to drop the workplace romance policy on your desk. You go still and Natasha says, “I think, if we’re going to discuss this, then you should probably read this first.”

The way you hunch over the desk is a tell that she finds almost delightful. “I already, uh…I already…”

“You already read it.” Natasha leans over your desk and lowers her face conspiratorially. “That’s a little presumptuous, isn’t it?”

Anyone else might stammer, but you laugh. “I just like to be prepared,” you say and prop your chin in your hand.

“I can respect that,” Natasha says solemnly. “Have you thought about where you’re going to take me to dinner?”

Your eyes go wide. “Yes!”

“Good,” Natasha says and grabs your phone to put in her number. “Text me the address and we’ll meet there at seven. I have a job to do but I shouldn’t be late.”

“Okay. Okay! Seven, I will–” You clear your throat and compose yourself. “I’ll see you at seven. Nothing too fancy by the way, just kind of nice, and– oh, this is going to sound so stupid, but, uh you don’t– you don’t have any food allergies, do you?”

Natasha suppresses a laugh. “No, I don’t.” She leans back in closer to you. “I do have one request though.”

Your eyes are wide again as you wait for her to speak. Natasha reaches for your face and sweeps her fingers across your cheek. “Make sure it has good dessert,” she says and lightly tucks your chin. She smiles, and it feels nice. It feels real. “I’m in the mood for something sweet.”

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, December 7

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Hillary Clinton health crisis 

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Larsa Pippen in a bikini in Fort Lauderdale, Olivia Culpo wrestles with recycling outside her L.A. office, Shia LaBeouf ditches his face covering for a phone call in an L.A. market 

Page 3: Pete Wentz plays tennis, Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe outside the Dancing with the Stars studio, Sean Penn hits the beach in Hawaii 

Page 4: Barbara Walters was sharp as a tack when she grilled the world’s biggest leaders but ravaging dementia has now tragically turned the 91-year-old into a prisoner in her own bed 

Page 5: Pistol-packing Elvis Presley was so gaga over guns that he’d even take a firearm to bed with him 

* Ringo Starr’s childhood bout with appendicitis at age six caused him to fall into a coma and spend a year in the hospital to recover then five years later he contracted tuberculosis and spent two years in a sanitarium where he discovered drums as part of the hospital band 

Page 6: If it’s true that Gentleman Prefer Blondes Marilyn Monroe was the perfect star for the flick because she dyed her carpet platinum to match the drapes -- beauty guru Kenneth Battelle suggested Marilyn change the color of her pubic hair after a jerk spilled champagne over her sheer dress at a party showing everything because she didn’t wear skivvies so the guru ran to the hotel drugstore and got some dye and told Marilyn to go in the bathroom and bleach 

Page 7: Celine Dion has turned into a frightening bag of bones leaving friends worried she’s headed for a catastrophic health crisis -- now down to a gaunt 96 pounds the star is driving herself to the brink of collapse with a diet and exercise plan to prepare for the relaunch of her hit world tour and she starves herself in her drive for perfection and to maintain the stick-thin look that helped turn her into a fashion icon

* Julianne Hough confesses feeling she didn’t deserve the A-list life she enjoyed while dating Ryan Seacrest where she was on private planes and yachts and living in a very well-off house and her life was pretty different from where she grew up -- she left Ryan in 2013 after three years because she wanted to create that for herself because she felt like she didn’t deserve it 

Page 8: Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson is searching for the Fountain of Youth by working out with Pierce Brosnan’s trainer -- the ex-wife of disgraced Prince Andrew is following a grueling exercise regimen in hopes of joining people who are said to be biologically younger than their true age 

Page 9: Disgraced Prince Andrew has been kicked from the royal family and now Prince Charles plans to boot his sister Princess Anne from his inner circle once he becomes king -- while the princess has carried her share of official engagements Charles plans to shrink the monarchy after his mother Queen Elizabeth passes and the phrase slimmed-down royal family constantly keeps coming up and the royal family will evolve with Charles coming to the throne -- Anne will be on the chopping block mostly because of ambitious Duchess Camilla who is Charles’ wife and who has carried out a ruthless dirty plan to be queen for decades and she wants no one else taking the limelight and that includes Charles’ sister

* Prince Harry and wife Meghan Markle dissed his dad Prince Charles with a surprising public snub as the couple failed to publicly wish Charles a happy birthday when he turned 72 -- Queen Elizabeth and Prince William and Duchess Kate all sent birthday wishes to the future king on social media but Harry and Meghan took a pass even though Harry popped up on the British TV show Strictly Come Dancing that night to wish a pal good luck

Page 10: A nuclear-sized catfight has exploded in North Korea where dictator Kim Jong-un’s baby sister and his pop star lover are battling to claw their way to be top gal -- while sister Kim Yo-jong seemed to be running the nation after Kim vanished and was rumored dead he popped back up with old galpal Hyon Song-wol on his arm and his current wife Ri Sol-ju nowhere to be seen 

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Mario Lopez wearing a clear mask (picture), Lauren Simon of The Real Housewives of Cheshire in the U.K. claims to have had sex with an actual ghost, Kaley Cuoco has a theory about shooting those sexy big bangs with ex-boyfriend Johnny Galecki that the pair’s sneaky sitcom boss got a kick putting the real-life former lovers under the covers, Reese Witherspoon lost her beloved dog Pepper to cancer and returned to her ole Southern roots when picking a name for her brand-new puppy: Minnie Pearl, plagued by seemingly endless allegations of being mean and ignoring a toxic workplace Ellen DeGeneres is now plugging a Be Kind subscription box valued at $270

Page 13: Kristen Taekman tops of her gas tank in L.A. (picture), Jeff Goldblum feeding a parking meter in L.A. (picture), Hilary Duff gets primped and primed on the NYC set of Younger (picture) 

Page 14: Reclusive ailing widow Yoko Ono finally loosened the reins and is handing over her $800 million empire to Sean Lennon her only child with Beatles legend John Lennon but John’s eldest son Julian Lennon was left out of the hitmaker’s will but Julian managed to eke out a $25 million settlement okayed by Yoko after he dragged his famous dad’s estate to court, Kelsea Ballerini snapped at a nosy fan for rudely asking if her rounded tummy was a blossoming baby bump

* Fashion Verdict -- Lara Spencer 9/10, Laura Veltz 2/10, Lauren Akins 3/10, Lauren Alaina 4/10 

Page 16: Michael Jackson’s baby mama Debbie Rowe reveals getting pregnant was no thrill because she was artificially impregnated -- Debbie met ex-husband Michael when she was working for his dermatologist and she insists the couple never had sex and a sperm donor fathered the pop star’s two kids she carried in her womb -- son Prince Jackson is rumored to have been fathered by Debbie’s doctor boss Arnold Klein -- British actor Mark Lester claims her could be Paris Jackson’s father -- Debbie is unsure of the paternity of Michael’s youngest son Blanket who now goes by Bigi Jackson

Page 17: Fans gaga for Dr. McDreamy on Grey’s Anatomy got a super thrill on the season 17 premiere when Patrick Dempsey returned to the hit hospital drama after departing the show five years ago -- Dempsey whose character Dr. Derek Shepherd died in a car crash came back in a dream sequence reuniting with star Ellen Pompeo’s Dr. Meredith Grey on a beach -- Dempsey split from the show to spend more time with his family and pursue his auto racing hobby but he’ll return to the show several more times 

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Emma Corrin

* Reba McEntire reveals she turned down The Voice gig that went to Blake Shelton and now she regrets it big-time 

* Nip/tuck junkie Dolly Parton says she plans to keep freshening her face by going under the knife and crows she’s gonna look like a cartoon and she’ll look as young as her plastic surgeons will allow her 

Page 20: True Crime 

Page 21: Former soap stud Cody Longo was socked with a domestic abuse charge following a jealous booze-fueled attack on his dancer wife Stephanie Clark -- Cody played Nicholas Alamain on Days of Our Lives from 2011-2012 

Page 23: Meredith Baxter felt booby-trapped by her enormous breasts and confesses she welcomed breast-reduction surgery after getting cancer -- the Family Ties star reveals her former 42-inch bust was the plague of her life

* Weatherman Al Roker has a secret weapon in his stormy battle to recover from prostate cancer surgery which is the love and support of his wife Deborah Roberts who is keeping him happy and positive doting on him day and night plus they talk about everything and make medical decisions together so there’s no fear or anxiety entering their world 

* Jennifer Lopez kicked booty when a federal judge dismissed a $40 million lawsuit brought by a former stripper who claims she inspired the hit movie Hustlers -- Samantha Barbash claims she’s the real-life model for J.Lo’s pole-dancing swindler Ramona Vega and insisted the movie ruined her rep by implying she did drugs around her kids but the judge tossed the case because Barbash’s name or portrait or picture or voice wasn’t used in the film 

Page 24: Cover Story -- Hillary Clinton has tragically packed on nearly 100 pounds since she vanished from the spotlight four years ago and is struggling to breathe and walk and now a medical expert is warning the 73-year-old is facing a health crisis as she tips the scales at 247 pounds -- Hillary has a history of broken bones and shocking collapses 

Page 26: Health Report

Page 30: Country girl Carly Pearce’s divorce from Michael Ray has gone from bad to ugly and he’s now parading his romance with Travis Tritt’s daughter Tyler Reese Tritt -- Carly was all for taking the high road but now she’s taken off the gloves -- they’re bad-mouthing each other far and wide and Carly’s tossed everything that reminds her of Michael 

* Southern Charm belle Madison LeCroy has been flashing a pic of her newest charms which is a set of bigger boobs 

Page 36: Diva Mariah Carey’s demanding ways are driving her boyfriend Bryan Tanaka bonkers and the couple of four years may be headed for Splitsville unless she changes her ways -- Mariah treats Bryan like an assistant instead of a lover and it’s giving him fits and he’s been so patient with Mariah and he loves her but she’s wearing him out with her incessant orders like she has him drawing up her schedule for online greets plus she’s ordering him to do all her holiday shopping for friends and be in charge of everything from decorations to food prep 

* Emma Roberts confesses being pregnant makes her weepy and she’s hit the point where like halfway up the stairs she has to sit down sometimes and maybe tears roll down a couple times a week but despite that Emma says she feels grateful and lucky to be expecting her first child

Page 38: Real Life 

Page 40: Phil Collins’ embarrassing court battle with third ex Orianne Cevey is casting a pall over his daughter Lily Collins’ wedding plans -- Lily is desperate to tie the knot with Charlie MacDowell but the dirty charges flying back may force her to put the happy day on hold and it’s hard for Lily to concentrate on making wedding plans when her father is caught in an ugly public fight -- Orianne is battling over Phil’s $38 million Miami mansion where they lived after reuniting in 2018 

Page 44: Straight Talk -- NXIVM cult is warning to us all 

Page 45: Treasure hunters have launched a frantic search for a $150 million stash of gangster gold hidden by mobster Dutch Schultz in Upstate New York after two sleuths recently discovered coins they believe are linked to the stash -- following a long list of cryptic clues Canadian fortune seekers Steve Zazulyk and Ryan Fazekas uncovered gold coins dated 1903 a few miles from the Prohibition Era beer baron’s hangout in the Catskills town of Phoenicia and their find triggered a race against other prosecutors seeking a two-by-three-foot steel box filled with diamonds and gold coins and $1000 bills and $7 billion in World War I Liberty Bonds and the hoard has an estimated value of $150 million today