#adding on to my tags because some people are debating if that’s how love works

[thatrandomblogsays]

Annabeth: I, a child, had to earn Thalia’s love, that’s how the world works! I have to earn my moms love. Love is transactional, you gotta be worthy of it first silly :)

Percy, listening to this on the train

[rintosei]

CHICKEN NUGGETS! — itoshi rin

☆ tags / warnings: fluff, curse words, fem!reader (rin calls you his girlfriend)

☆ prompt: "mcDonald's is open, wanna go get some chicken nuggets?" "it's 3 in the morning." "and?" "let's go." (from here!)

☆ author's note: im making way too many rin fics lately what the hell also happy 400 !!! thank u guys i love u mwah

you couldn't sleep.

that's the only thing you can describe what you're currently going through right now. looking to your side, you see rin sleeping peacefully and you felt a bit jealous.

you are tired, yes, but for some reason your body just doesn't want to sleep. you tried closing your eyes, tossing and turning to find the most comfortable position, and counting sheep in your head, but it doesn't work.

you were debating on waking rin up, but you would feel bad because he's had a rough day today, training with isagi and bachira. you checked your phone to see that it is now 3am, which makes you let out a sigh.

your tummy suddenly rumbled, suddenly feeling hungry.

"of course i get hungry this late at night," you grumbled to yourself quietly. "we have nothing at home though."

"why're you up this late at night?" rin's sleepy voice shocks you, making you gasp and almost fall out of bed.

you gave him a frown. "what the fuck, rin? could you at least let me know you're awake?"

"huh?" rin sits up, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "i moved. you should have felt the bed shift, no?" you didn't answer, only keeping the frown on your face. "ugh, well mcdonald's is open, wanna go get some chicken nuggets?"

"it's 3 in the morning." you deadpanned, yet rin didn't seem to care.

"and? let's go," rin climbs out of bed and grabs two hoodies out of the closet. he tosses one to you, who is still on the bed, shocked about how easygoing he is about this. "why are you gawking at me like that? come on."

you scrambled out of bed quickly, almost falling down because of the blanket on the floor. you were about to grab your wallet, but rin stops you, showing his own wallet in his hand. you gave him a big smile, knowing that he's going to pay for your meal.

you both walked hand-in-hand, walking to the nearest mcdonald's restaurant. it is indeed still open, which makes you happy. you enter, and the staff greets you tiredly.

"hi, we would like to order the mcnuggets? six pieces one." you politely say, and the employee nods. he orders the people in the back to box them up, and it was quick too because the place is literally empty besides you and rin.

rin pays for the nuggets and he takes the box of nuggets from the employee’s hand.

"hey, uh, we added an extra two nuggets because we had eight nuggets left so we added the extra two for free since it's the last pieces of the night." the employee informs you, and you felt like you were the luckiest person on the planet.

"thank you, thank you!" you exclaimed happily, and you face rin with sparkles in your eyes.

you both sat down on a nearby bench outside of the restaurant and started eating the nuggets. "mm! this is so good," you hummed. "want one?" you gave rin one of the nuggets, and he happily takes one, munching on it.

"so, are you going to tell me why you can't sleep before?" rin asks so suddenly.

"hm? oh it was nothing serious. i just couldn't sleep for some reason." you explained, taking another bite out of the nugget.

rin hums in response and doesn't say anything else, basking in the silence between you two.

you eventually finished the chicken nuggets and threw away the box in a nearby trash can. once you sat back down, you laid your head on rin's shoulder, looking at the stars in the sky.

"they're so pretty." you commented, pointing at the sky.

"mm, but you're prettier." he blurts out which makes you choke on your spit.

"are you being cheesy right now?" you teased. "itoshi rin, the supposedly cold boyfriend, being a cute and cheesy boyfriend?"

"shut up," he grumbles, cheeks turning a light shade of pink. "can't i compliment my girlfriend once in a while?"

"hm, valid. but it's still weird hearing that, you know? it's like you've been possessed by something." you giggled, dodging when he was about to pinch your cheeks.

"wanna go back and try to sleep?" rin asks.

you shake your head. "no... i want to stay here longer if that's okay with you?"

rin nods and doesn't say anything else, the two of you sat in silence as you admire the beautiful night sky.

"i love you." rin says so softly.

you smiled. "love you too, rinnie."

[cher-rei]

afterglow- pt.7 [ T.A.A ]

pairings: trent alexander arnold x fem!reader

summary: young and aspiring marketing and business major jamie carter is privileged with working alongside the liverpool fc marketing and public relations team, while also getting entangled with their star player and right back, trent alexander arnold.

genre(s): friends to lovers, workplace romance, fluff

[wc: 4.6k] [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 8]

notes: it's the way that I've hinted at another fic in this chapter and then another one in chapter 8... I love interconnecting my series' ughhh

spamjam._. added to their story!

"here's one for you," jude spoke from his position on the hotel suite couch to gain your attention as you unpacked your things. "bro went from liking her posts to flying her over just for some moral support."

you rolled your eyes as he read out the tweets which he had been enjoying for the past ten minutes now. the way that twitter was rioting over the situation was utterly amusing— from your post on Instagram to jude stating that you were sharing a hotel room. they were having a blast by coming up with theories as to how this even came about.

yes, jude only happened to follow you on instragram at the beginning of the year but that was not the reason you knew each other at all. if it were then this situation would be very awkward. as he would say, "luckily for you, you had the privilege of knowing me before I became the equivalent to ryan gosling."

you wouldn't exactly call it a privilege but whatever made him sleep at night. funny enough, you two met at a football match when you were still in high school. it was strange to see a 17-year-old actively engage in conversation with some random 14-year-old just because he said she was screaming too much.

that wasn't the last of your accidental meetings, however, the next was a few weeks later when your parents invited some friends over from birmingham— and lo and behold who just happened to be the son of those friends.

so here you were at 20 and 23, closer than ever but keeping it as low-key as possible.

you proceeded to listen to jude comment on each tweet, each one funnier than the last. "I swear some of these people have got to be fbi trained." he shook his head and you hummed in response, nearly jumping up when jude yelled out in shock.

"listen to this one," he turned from his position on the couch to look at you in front of the bed. "in early 2023, jude followed jamie back on Instagram and 6 months later she got her job as liverpool's p.r manager. hours later after the announcement the entire squad followed her back, the first of them being trent. jamie and trent have been seen together a lot from then on and she's even tagged him in multiple of her Instagram stories. now what do we know about trent? he plays for england. who else plays for england? jude. where is jamie right now? in barcelona with jude."

you were left dumbfounded, jude staring at you with his eyes wide and obviously impressed. "well that's one way to connect the dots I guess." you shrugged your shoulders, "they're not wrong but they're not quite right either."

a scoff left jude's mouth and he got up from the couch to look out the ceiling-to-floor window looking out at the city. "trent's not the middleman here though. like dude you and I aren't dating so there's no need."

he was right, there was no need for a middleman. it was just pure coincidence but obviously people wouldn't think of it like that. "and I thank the lord for that every single day."

he pulled a face, "stop being dramatic. I'm not that bad and you know it."

you hummed out in debate, getting your things so you could go and shower. "I mean judging by your lack of female interaction--"

before you could finish a pillow was hurled straight at you causing you to yelp out, getting ready to days for the bathroom before he could throw another.

"I talk to woman!" he yelled out after you and you laughed a little louder than intended which prompted him to get another pillow.

"female reporters don't count jude!"

you slammed the bathroom door shut just as he threw the pillow again, a loud thud echoing through the room before it dropped to the floor along with jude's hands. he huffed out in frustration, complaining for a good few minutes before he came to a conclusion that made you double over in laughter.

"just for that, I'll be keeping my eye out for interns from now on! if I marry a reporter one day I'll make sure not to invite you just out spite!"

your first morning in barcelona consisted of nothing but peace. the view you woke up to was breathtaking, definitely the most beautiful sunrise you had ever seen. you took your time getting ready before breakfast and made sure to put together the best outfit you could manage seeing as it was rare that you got to wear summer attire.

jude shot you the most confused look to date when he saw your top. he hit you with the "woman stopped wearing corsets decades ago so I'm a bit confused as to why you're torturing yourself right now."

it took a bit to explain to him that you weren't suffering at all, but he still didn't understand and left it at that so the two of you could head to a restaurant for breakfast. every step you took your eye was caught by something more beautiful than the last, your heart strings tugging in the summer heat.

"I've made up my mind. I'm coming to visit you every three months."

jude didn't oppose the idea and instead encouraged it, saying that he needed a bit more company. everything was recorded, you had your phone out and your camera for double the footage, talking to the camera as you carried on with your day.

"do you really have to film everything?" jude asked from across your table at the outdoor seating area of the restaurant as you waited for your breakfast.

you made a sound at the back of your throat and continued to go through the footage you had so far. "unlike you, I have a social media presence and people enjoy the content that I put out okay?"

"uh huh." his eyes wandered over you silently until he was told to check your instagram story, and of course he reposted it being the absolutely amazing friend he was and not because he was in any way forced to do it...

spamjam._. added to their story!

"I don't think anyone understands how crazy it is to hear jude speak in spanish so casually." you turned your camera to look at jude opposite you, adorning an expression of offence.

you suppressed a smile. "this is the same boy who asked me if 'lethargic' was an actual word or if I made it up by the way."

that hit a nerve for him and he put down his fork, and pointed a finger at you while explaining the pointlessness of the word and just how stupid it was. "who uses the word lethargic jamie?" he raised his hands waiting for an answer.

your laugh could be heard behind the camera, obvious judgement in your tone as you teased him. "people who have a vocabulary level that exceeds year 6."

jude shot you an 'oh really look' clearly not buying your reasoning. "just say that you're tired," he grew a bit more defensive and you tried to speak over him but he continued on. "it's never that deep."

you laughed again, telling him that he literally just proved your point. you could feel the stares that you were getting from people passing by— just trying to enjoy their peaceful thursday morning without two idiots arguing about words.

the banter went on for a bit, the camera now set on the edge of the table so that both you and jude were in the frame, tension heightened as you debated. he shrugged his shoulders eventually, "lethargic is not that big of a word either. it's just unnecessary--"

your eyebrows raised, "--oh really?"

he nodded in confirmation, as to say that it was obvious and that he wasn't an idiot. so you did the only correct thing at the moment which brought a wave of nostalgia to wash over jude who couldn't help but laugh.

"spell lethargic then."

he hesitated for a moment, wondering if you were being serious. "go on then, prove me wrong." you urged him, and obviously, he took up the challenge because jude bellingham was not a quitter.

"L I--"

you cut him off with a proud smile, "wrong!"

"L A--"

"wrong!"

by now jude was dumbfounded, immediately reaching out for his cellphone to google the absurd word only to find out that it was spelt with an E. you hummed happily as he complained once again, saying that spelling it with an E didn't make any sense.

"jude victor william bellingham," you began with a smile and he shook his head. "one of real madrid and england's star players at the age of 20 yet he can't spell 'lethargic'."

the rest of the day played out smoothly— sightseeing, shopping till jude's entire backseat was covered in bags, a trip to the beach and using jude as your personal photographer and videographer. now that was what you called a vacation.

the last stop the two of you were going to make would be a small picnic to wrap up the evening seeing as jude would be at practice all-day tomorrow before the match later that evening. either way you wouldn't be alone because jobe would be flying down the morning, so you were more than excited to pick him up at the airport.

your picnic blanket was set down on the grass at a park, and once again the scenery had you gawking. the sunset was to die for, the atmosphere was chirpy yet peaceful and in all honesty if this was your last moment alive you wouldn't have any regrets.

you let out a content sigh, "if this is what being a wag is like then I might have to hit up victoria beckham for some pointers."

jude let out a laugh from beside you, watching silently as you pointed your vlog camera to the sky— moving it from side to side as you took in the scenery.

"I mean you have some good candidates, and you're already in the industry so it's just up to you." he nudged you on the shoulder. "make the move jamie."

a sigh escaped your lips at the fact that he was right. everything was played out in your favour and you needed to use it to your advantage. "I'll dm colwill when we get back to the hotel."

jude doubled over in laughter at your comment but you kept your attention on your camera, settling it down in front of the both of you. "he's younger than you."

you shrugged your shoulders to dismiss his note. "age is just a number or something."

that made you both smile but for two completely different reasons. jude found it funny whereas you were washed with an unfamiliar feeling, your mind flashing back to yours and trent's midnight mcdonald's run when he said the exact same thing.

that remembrance made you keep a mental note to call him later, just to see how things were holding up on that side.

the conversation picked up again when you shut off your camera. and of course, it took the emotional route at the hour of vulnerability. it hopped from family to work to comfortability in your respective situations in a matter of seconds.

it was nice for jude to have this time to talk about stuff like this, you knew he appreciated moments like this where he could express himself more freely without a language barrier or slight anxiety.

when he first left for madrid you remembered the five-hour conversation you had over the phone because he couldn't fall asleep, too unsure and unfamiliar with his surroundings to be able to settle in. with that, you made sure to check up on him daily before bed.

time zones didn't stop you and never would, especially with someone you considered family. jude and jobe were easily younger brothers to you— jude being the irritating younger brother who acted as if he were older than you and jobe being the sweet younger brother that needed constant affection.

you cared for them both dearly, making time to see each other whenever you could when you schedules were free.

"so you found the apartment?" jude asked and popped a grape into his mouth while he listened to you talk about your move out of your sister's house.

maya and noah were moving to london at the beginning of next year, which just so happened to be two months from now. which honestly was a great idea and you were super excited for them, but it was the househunting the was an issue for you because you were so picky.

you weren't too worried about the rent, the main issue was the interior so you took it upon yourself to do some drastic redecorating when you found one. and in four months it was ready, the only thing it was missing was you.

you nodded happily, "I can move in whenever I'm ready."

your answer made jude smile. be knew just how excited you were to finally move into a place of your own because all you'd been doing was saving up. "which is..."

"which is before christmas. and I have a little surprise on the way as well," you retorted in excitement but jude's thoughts immediately went to pregnancy and you could see it on his face, judging by how quickly his eyes dropped to your stomache.

the sun had fully set now, the air beginning to chill but not in a way that had you shivering, but in a way that made you feel relieved. basking in the atmosphere took your mind elsewhere, a glimmer of something in the back of your mind flashing.

your stomach dropped at the memory. one of the many that you've recently.

"we have to go to spain." the glee in your voice bounced off the walls of the bedroom, back to the bed where you and your boyfriend were lying.

he chuckled at your antics and the way that your grip tightened on his torso, his fingers lightly tracing your shoulder. "we'll go anywhere you like baby." he kissed the top of your head.

you looked up at him with doe eyes. "really?"

michael flashed an adoring smile, the same one that showed just how smitten he was for you. you felt a chill run down your spine at the touch of his fingers on your cheeks. "I'd do anything for you."

your throat stung at the memory, something that weighed so heavily on your chest. moments where you two promised to build a family together resurfaced, where you promised to always be there for each other, but this time accompanied by a bitter taste.

you'd accomplished so much these past few months and he wasn't there to witness it like he said he would. there weren't any flowers or handwritten cards with a hug that made you melt. you could still hear his voice sometimes and the way he would speak to you so gently.

at your graduation you could barely enjoy the moment because while being onstage you saw his face in the crowd, an unreadable expression and the words "I'm so proud of you, love" floating aimlessly through the air.

everything he ever said to you was now floating aimlessly through the air.

judebellingham

jobebellingham and 4 245 223 others liked this post

judebellingham had to go back to the hotel like thrice for her to get changed [tagged: spamjam._.]

see all comments below

jobebellingham please never take selfies again

→ spamjam._. agreed

→ judebellingham you're both walking to the stadium I don't care

vinijr ❤️🔥 [liked by judebellingham]

spamjam._.

liked by liverpoolfc and 2 345 234 others

spamjam._. 🌼

see all comments below

jobebellingham it's like you couldn't have waited for me before doing all this 😃

→ spamjam._. we're going to be together all week bro chill 🙄

liverpoolfc jamie come back, the kids miss you 🥲

→ spamjam._. they're lying

trentarnold66 you owe me a mcdonalds run when you get back [liked by spamjam._.]

→ spamjam._. yes sir 🫡

Ibrahimakonate 🙊❤️ [liked by spamjam._.]

curtisjr my gf says you're beautiful 🙄

→ spamjam._. gf?? curtis call me right now istg!!

levicolwill okay supermodel🙄❤️ [liked by spamjam._.]

→ spamjam._. check your dm's

"there's my favourite boy!"

you had your arms spread for a hug as you watched jobe walk up to you with a sheepish smile. you could tell that he was a slight bit embarrassed, but gave in anyway and dropped his bags to embrace you.

he had grown a freakishly large amount since the last time you saw him— towering over you would be an understatement and it took every bit of you not to feel overwhelmed, but how could you when he was so freaken cute??

a shy chuckle came from jobe as you continued to hug him, your arms tightly wrapped around in torso. "you can carry on when we get back to the hotel, people have places to be."

that wasn't good enough of an excuse for you. "they can let me have my moment."

when you got back to the hotel, jude wasn't there as suspected but all your bags were already packed for tomorrow morning's early flight back to madrid. the rest of the day was spent just relaxing in the hotel room and catching up as usual because you didn't want to waste your energy and fall asleep half way into the first half of the match.

"I can't believe I'm about to watch barça and madrid play," jobe commented as he scrolled through his twitter feed.

you two were settled comfortably on the couch set with snacks and the t.v playing as background noise. when you didn't reply he looked up from his phone, only to see you glued to your own with a lopsided smile.

it was unlike you to ignore him, even if it were by accident so it raised some suspicion. he kicked your thigh in an attempt to gain your attention but it didn't work, your fingers typing away at the keyboard for whatever reason. he didn't want to be one of those brothers and take your phone right out of hand and see what had you so interested— that was jude's job.

so instead he resorted to kicking you over and over until you eventually got irritated and yelped out in pain. "jobe my leg," you groaned and began to rub your thigh that he'd been taking hits at.

when you looked at him again his expression had changed, his lips slightly parted in shock. you asked him what the issue was and all he could manage was a scoff of disbelief. there'd only been one other instance where he'd seen you act like this before, and he tried to forget it at most.

"who are you talking to?"

jobe wasn't one to pry and you knew that, and when he did it was out of genuine concern. you cleared your throat awkwardly. "just a friend."

his eyes narrowed at your answer, knowing he caught you. "you don't have friends." in no way did he mean to offend you by saying that, because it was true and as clear as day. he knew you too well, maybe you could hide things from jude for a bit but with jobe it was different because everything came out unintentionally.

a sigh of defeat escaped your mouth and you set your phone down on your lap. "this is a situation my friend is in right now. you're not going to ask any questions okay?"

jobe nodded his head eagerly and sat upright so he could pay more attention. and just like that, you found yourself lost in the explanation and you were sure you nearly namedropped at least thrice but jobe remained attentive and gave his word when needed.

"I mean if they aren't dating then there should be nothing wrong with you--"

you gave jobe a look and he immediately retracted his last word.

"your friend. your friend, not you," he corrected sheepishly and you nodded.

he thought the idea was dumb. you could've just said that you were talking about yourself and he wouldn't have bugged you... that much. "your friend isn't overstepping any boundaries by the sound of it. so she should just go with the flow--"

you couldn't believe that you were taking relationship advice from an 18-year-old right now. this was your lowest. "--whatever happens, happens."

whatever happens, happens.

his advice genuinely seemed to shift some gears in your mind, and you wanted nothing more than to wrap him up in a bear hug. so that's exactly what you did. "have I ever told you how much I love you?"

the question made him stifle a laugh, the boy tightening his grip around your shoulders as you lay on top of him. "I want to say yes but no."

you slapped his arm jokingly. "you're my favourite brother too. but don't tell jude."

"how can I not??"

[sailor-aviator]

I’m so glad you’re calling this out! People don’t respect boundaries and were made to look like the villains.

Tbh, I deleted the post you’re talking about after some confusion. I don’t think I worded some of it correctly, so I’ll rewrite it here.

I love supporting my friends and their fics. I love chatting with the fellow content creators one on one about their fics. I love talking about new ideas about the fics they want to write. When I reblog a fic with something along the lines of “Ah!! I’m so excited you’ve finally posted this! I’ve been waiting!!” It’s not because they mentioned it once on their blog, it’s literally because I have been talking to them in private chats about the work.

When someone I don’t really talk to or have never had a conversation with apart from the occasional one sentence reblog or comment starts tagging me in things? That’s where I have an issue. My blog is not a bulletin board or ad space for people to put their fics on. I try to reblog fics that don’t have very many notes, I really do (I’ve also been going through a bit of a reader’s block lately). I remember what it was like first starting out on this site as a first time fic author and being so excited to get ten notes on my fic. Now I’m nearing a milestone! I did that by tagging my fics with the proper hashtags and interacting with people who chose to read them. I never in a million years thought so many of you would want to read my silly little stories.

So believe me when I say, I totally get feeling wanting more people to see your fics. I wish more people saw mine too, but I’m very grateful for the people who stumble upon them and take the time to read them.

I also think it’s very interesting that when authors and other content creators on here set boundaries, we get such immense flashback from readers. We’re people, y’all, and the fact that we have to keep reminding everyone about that fact is, quite frankly, worrisome. We are not machines. We do not do this for a living. I do this for fun, and when I get push back for trying to set a boundary, whatever that boundary may be, it makes this less fun.

Again, I can’t speak for the other writers on there (but believe me when I say several conversations have been had), but for me personally? It all goes back to the fact that content creators are being stripped of their humanity. I remember how fun and interactive fandom used to be before everything started being monetized. I used to get asks left and right without even having written fanfic! Fandom used to be a huge community filled with laughter and debates like “did these two characters bang?” “That character is asexual and here’s why” “I wrote a fic that I think you might like and here’s the link. No pressure to read it though!”, not “here’s another update. Here’s another update.” “You haven’t posted in a couple of days, when are we getting an update?” “Will you read this and reblog it?”

Idk, I had this conversation the other day, and maybe I just need to accept the fact that fandom as I knew it is dead and gone. In another life, I would have really loved giggling about fics and headcanons with you all.

Anyway, can we please stop making content creators out to be the villains when they ask to be treated like human beings and not soulless machines?

[saintsenara]

I have really enjoyed reading your answers to the rare pair tag game. I have added a lot of the fics that you recommended on your latest answer to my 'Marked for Later' list on a03 to enjoy over the weekend. I was wondering your honest thoughts are on the following ships: Tom/Ron, James/Snape, Tom/Hermione, Molly/Bellatrix, James/Regulus and Snape/Lily and Dudley/Draco. I apologise for the number of ships and I am really curious on your opinions.

thank you so much for the ask, @sarafina-sincerity - and for continuing my recent tradition of offering opinions nobody else wanted to hear on an increasingly unhinged list of pairings.

[i know you sent a message apologising for sending some ships which were asked before, but i love to chatter, so i'm going in to answer the original...]

tom riddle | voldemort/ron weasley

obviously this is the crack pairing when it comes to voldemort + a member of the trio - while tomarrymort and tomione/volmione stories number into the thousands on ao3, voln/ton/rom/ronmort/whatever we're calling it has a grand total of... ten tagged works.

i think this is a tremendous shame, but not - it's important to say - because i agree with the tedious fanon idea, particularly prevalent in ships which feature hermione with anyone else, that ron would make a good death eater [as you will see below, i think that honour belongs firmly to hermione herself...] - even in a voldemort wins au, ron isn't going over to the dark side. it sounds too much like hard work.

instead, i'm into this pairing because ron is... kind of mother. he likes to look after people and he channels his negative emotions into doing this [he wouldn't have left the tent if harry and hermione had learned how to shoplift properly and he could be settled in front of a nice pot, i'll die on that hill]. just imagine little captive ron - maybe the snatchers recognised him, maybe voldemort's won and everyone else is dead - bustling around his gilded prison in malfoy manor making the dark lord a cup of tea when he turns up to psychologically torture him. voldemort would - as i am - be intrigued.

and if, in fact, you'd like to see almost exactly this situation play out, you will definitely enjoy wind tunnels by @mrmxlemons. ron isn't having a good time, but his cooking is.

james potter/severus snape

i've not read much snames, so this is mostly just based on general vibes: i think it's fine but not fantastic.

as i've said in literally everything i've ever posted about sirius black/severus snape, snack is a great pairing because they're narrative mirrors, something which creates so much drama that it makes me scream.

severus and james don't have this - if anything, they're narrative opposites. james is adored by his parents, he's rich, he gets the girl, his best friend is in love with him and not the other way round, he's the ringleader of his gang rather than a follower, his whole family have been gryffindors, and so on and so forth. obviously opposites attract, but you haven't got the immediate potential for connection that you have between severus and characters such as sirius, lily, and - let's all be real - voldemort.

i'm not really going to get into the bullying debate here, but it seems to me that severus would regard james - had he lived - in a similar way to how he regards the adult lupin; that is, that he would completely disassociate from any situation in which he's present, rather than love getting in his face as he does with sirius. i don't love snupin for this reason [i'll read it, of course, but it always feels extremely ooc to me] - the fissure caused by their conflicting personalities simply runs too deep, and my suspicion is that snames is the same.

hermione granger/tom riddle | voldemort

so, this is the one where I think I'm likely to deviate most significantly from the opinions of my dash...

i think it's entirely plausible, but only from hermione's side.

the argument i've seen most against tomione/volmione is that hermione's moral code would never permit her to accept anything less than a voldemort who was transformed into a man she would want - which means the whole murder thing needs to get thrown in the bin.

i... disagree. the canonical hermione is someone who is very morally inflexible in relation to how she expects others to behave, but incredibly morally flexible - and often quite immoral - in pursuit of things she herself wants or thinks she wants. she is also the cruelest and most ruthless member of the trio. she thinks herself rational and would - therefore - be the easiest for anyone cleverer than rita skeeter to manipulate. she is very lonely, and would, in a situation in which she was captured, be the member of the trio most swayed by basic demonstrations of kindness [lord voldemort only needs to endure a brief conversation about hogwarts: a history and hint that harry and ron aren't coming to look for her and he's golden]. she always thinks she's right - if she's convinced just by harry and ron not telling her otherwise that her knitted hats are freeing house elves in their droves, i am certain she could be convinced that she won concessions for muggleborns under voldemort's regime through her own skill and not because he wanted to grant them anyway. and so on.

whether the relationship is something she has to do or wants to do, i think she'd be able to justify it to herself as a necessary evil which doesn't actually go against her standards for herself. that she would never think this for harry and ron if they shacked up with the dark lord is part of the fun...

from voldemort's perspective, while he definitely has a weakness for dark curly hair [bellamort nation, rise up], i cannot see him going for it as anything other than a tool of psychological warfare [whereas i think you can write e.g. tomarry based very much in mutual attraction]. intellectually, while hermione is very clever, she doesn't have the interest in experimentation which voldemort has [this is why snapemort and riddledore both always slap - they have the same views on magic], she's extremely condescending, which is his thing, she obviously grew up incredibly rich, and her dour, whiggish empiricism doesn't align very well with his late-antique-emperor's view of the world.

she doesn't give a shit about dead rabbits though. maybe they could bond over that.

bellatrix lestrange/molly weasley

yeah why not. they canonically went to hogwarts at the same time and bellatrix is definitely giving off jilted ex vibes in that final duel.

would molly put up with bella's nonsense? absolutely not. bellatrix would have exactly the same reaction as fleur to the burrow - nothing to do except cooking and chickens - and the ensuing argument would burn the place to the ground far more interestingly than that dogshit scene in the half-blood prince film.

regulus black/james potter

i don't know her, sorry.

lily evans/severus snape

as i said here, i'm into it in a post-james world where lily is trying to rebuild her life by connecting with her past.

so let's take it from a different angle: do i think it could work in the pre-james era?

absolutely not. i think these two need something as seismic as catastrophic loss to force them to actually engage with each other as they are, rather than as the versions they've constructed in their heads. at school, where they're both just dancing round each other, never seeing eye-to-eye on anything, they're never going to be able to get to that place.

i also think james needs to be out of the picture - she's clearly into him long before the mudblood incident, and that knowledge would only ever make severus astonishingly unpleasant to have as a boyfriend. rip king, but you were lost in service of shipping.

dudley dursley/draco malfoy

yeah it's hot. boxer!dudley is enormous and ripped, what's not to love. draco deserves a huge boy who also hates harry.

plus imagine narcissa vs petunia on the topic of their darling boys. or lucius vs vernon when the former pulls up to privet drive in a flying rolls royce. i would be seated.

[thethirdromana]

Bram Stoker's letter to Walt Whitman

I've seen a few people posting extracts and links to this remarkable letter in the Dracula Daily tag, but never the full thing - and often the links are to an abridged version as well. I thought we should have it in full.

(Apologies if someone else has done this already. I did search for it, but it's never easy to find things on tumblr.)

I have added photos to make it a bit less of a wall of text, but nothing else.

___________

Dublin, 14 February, 1876

My dear Mr. Whitman.

I hope you will not consider this letter from an utter stranger a liberty. Indeed, I hardly feel a stranger to you, nor is this the first letter that I have written to you. My friend Edward Dowden has told me often that you like new acquaintances or I should rather say friends. And as an old friend I send you an enclosure which may interest you. Four years ago I wrote the enclosed draft of a letter which I intended to copy out and send to you—it has lain in my desk since then—when I heard that you were addressed as Mr. Whitman. It speaks for itself and needs no comment. It is as truly what I wanted to say as that light is light.

Bram Stoker

The four years which have elapsed have made me love your work fourfold, and I can truly say that I have ever spoken as your friend. You know what hostile criticism your work sometimes evokes here, and I wage a perpetual war with many friends on your behalf. But I am glad to say that I have been the means of making your work known to many who were scoffers at first. The years which have passed have not been uneventful to me, and I have felt and thought and suffered much in them, and I can truly say that from you I have had much pleasure and much consolation—and I do believe that your open earnest speech has not been thrown away on me or that my life and thought fail to be marked with its impress. I write this openly because I feel that with you one must be open. We have just had tonight a hot debate on your genius at the Fortnightly Club in which I had the privilege of putting forward my views—I think with success.

Nassau St in Dublin in the 1870s

Do not think me cheeky for writing this. I only hope we may sometime meet and I shall be able perhaps to say what I cannot write. Dowden promised to get me a copy of your new edition and I hope that for any other work which you may have you will let me always be an early subscriber. I am sorry that you’re not strong. Many of us are hoping to see you in Ireland. We had arranged to have a meeting for you. I do not know if you like getting letters. If you do I shall only be too happy to send you news of how thought goes among the men I know. With truest wishes for your health and happiness believe me,

Your friend

Bram Stoker

___________

Draft letter, Dublin, 18 February, 1872.

If you are the man I take you to be you will like to get this letter. If you are not I don’t care whether you like it or not and only ask you to put it into the fire without reading any farther. But I believe you will like it. I don’t think there is a man living, even you who are above the prejudices of the class of small-minded men, who wouldn’t like to get a letter from a younger man, a stranger, across the world—a man living in an atmosphere prejudiced to the truths you sing and your manner of singing them. The idea that arises in my mind is whether there is a man living who would have the pluck to burn a letter in which he felt the smallest atom of interest without reading it. I believe you would and that you believe you would yourself. You can burn this now and test yourself, and all I will ask for my trouble of writing this letter, which for all I can tell you may light your pipe with or apply to some more ignoble purpose—is that you will in some manner let me know that my words have tested your impatience. Put it in the fire if you like—but if you do you will miss the pleasure of this next sentence, which ought to be that you have conquered an unworthy impulse.

Walt Whitman aged 35

A man who is uncertain of his own strength might try to encourage himself by a piece of bravo, but a man who can write, as you have written, the most candid words that ever fell from the lips of mortal man—a man to whose candor Rousseau’s Confessions is reticence—can have no fear for his own strength. If you have gone this far you may read the letter and I feel in writing now that I am talking to you. If I were before your face I would like to shake hands with you, for I feel that I would like you. I would like to call you Comrade and to talk to you as men who are not poets do not often talk. I think that at first a man would be ashamed, for a man cannot in a moment break the habit of comparative reticence that has become a second nature to him; but I know I would not long be ashamed to be natural before you. You are a true man, and I would like to be one myself, and so I would be towards you as a brother and as a pupil to his master. In this age no man becomes worthy of the name without an effort. You have shaken off the shackles and your wings are free. I have the shackles on my shoulders still—but I have no wings. If you are going to read this letter any further I should tell you that I am not prepared to “give up all else” so far as words go. The only thing I am prepared to give up is prejudice, and before I knew you I had begun to throw overboard my cargo, but it is not all gone yet.

I do not know how you will take this letter. I have not addressed you in any form as I hear that you dislike to a certain degree the conventional forms in letters. I am writing to you because you are different from other men. If you were the same as the mass I would not write at all. As it is I must either call you Walt Whitman or not call you at all—and I have chosen the latter course. I don’t know whether it is usual for you to get letters from utter strangers who have not even the claim of literary brotherhood to write you. If it is you must be frightfully tormented with letters and I am sorry to have written this. I have, however, the claim of liking you—for your words are your own soul and even if you do not read my letter it is no less a pleasure to me to write it. Shelley wrote to William Godwin and they became friends. I am not Shelley and you are not Godwin and so I will only hope that sometime I may meet you face to face and perhaps shake hands with you. If I ever do it will be one of the greatest pleasures of my life.

Bram Stoker in 1906

If you care to know who it is that writes this, my name is Abraham Stoker (Junior). My friends call me Bram. I live at 43 Harcourt St., Dublin. I am a clerk in the service of the Crown on a small salary. I am twenty-four years old. Have been champion at our athletic sports (Trinity College, Dublin) and have won about a dozen cups. I have also been President of the College Philosophical Society and an art and theatrical critic of a daily paper. I am six feet two inches high and twelve stone weight naked and used to be forty-one or forty-two inches round the chest. I am ugly but strong and determined and have a large bump over my eyebrows. I have a heavy jaw and a big mouth and thick lips—sensitive nostrils—a snubnose and straight hair. I am equal in temper and cool in disposition and have a large amount of self control and am naturally secretive to the world. I take a delight in letting people I don’t like—people of mean or cruel or sneaking or cowardly disposition—see the worst side of me. I have a large number of acquaintances and some five or six friends—all of which latter body care much for me.

Trinity College Dublin in the 1880s

Now I have told you all I know about myself. I know you from your works and your photograph, and if I know anything about you I think you would like to know of the personal appearance of your correspondents. You are I know a keen physiognomist. I am a believer of the science myself and am in an humble way a practicer of it. I was not disappointed when I saw your photograph—your late one especially. The way I came to like you was this. A notice of your poems appeared some two years ago or more in the Temple Bar magazine. I glanced at it and took its dictum as final, and laughed at you among my friends. I say it to my own shame but not to my regret for it has taught me a lesson to last my life out—without ever having seen your poems. More than a year after I heard two men in College talking of you. One of them had your book (Rossetti’s edition) and was reading aloud some passages at which both laughed. They chose only those passages which are most foreign to British ears and made fun of them. Something struck me that I had judged you hastily. I took home the volume and read it far into the night. Since then I have to thank you for many happy hours, for I have read your poems with my door locked late at night, and I have read them on the seashore where I could look all round me and see no more sign of human life than the ships out at sea: and here I often found myself waking up from a reverie with the book lying open before me.

I love all poetry, and high generous thoughts make the tears rush to my eyes, but sometimes a word or a phrase of yours takes me away from the world around me and places me in an ideal land surrounded by realities more than any poem I ever read. Last year I was sitting on the beach on a summer’s day reading your preface to the Leaves of Grass as printed in Rossetti’s edition (for Rossetti is all I have got till I get the complete set of your works which I have ordered from America). One thought struck me and I pondered over it for several hours—”the weather-beaten vessels entering new ports,” you who wrote the words know them better than I do: and to you who sing of your own land of progress the words have a meaning that I can only imagine. But be assured of this, Walt Whitman—that a man of less than half your own age, reared a conservative in a conservative country, and who has always heard your name cried down by the great mass of people who mention it, here felt his heart leap towards you across the Atlantic and his soul swelling at the words or rather the thoughts.

Walt Whitman in 1877

It is vain for me to try to quote any instances of what thoughts of yours I like best—for I like them all and you must feel that you are reading the true words of one who feels with you. You see, I have called you by your name. I have been more candid with you—have said more about myself to you than I have ever said to any one before. You will not be angry with me if you have read so far. You will not laugh at me for writing this to you. It was with no small effort that I began to write and I feel reluctant to stop, but I must not tire you any more. If you ever would care to have more you can imagine, for you have a great heart, how much pleasure it would be to me to write more to you. How sweet a thing it is for a strong healthy man with a woman’s eyes and a child’s wishes to feel that he can speak so to a man who can be if he wishes father, and brother and wife to his soul.

I don’t think you will laugh, Walt Whitman, nor despise me, but at all events I thank you for all the love and sympathy you have given me in common with my kind.

Bram Stoker

Walt Whitman in 1891

___________

6 March, 1876.

My dear young man,

Your letters have been most welcome to me—welcome to me as Person and as Author—I don’t know which most—You did well to write me so unconventionally, so fresh, so manly, and so affectionately, too. I too hope (though it is not probable) that we shall one day meet each other. Meantime I send you my friendship and thanks.

Edward Dowden’s letter containing among others your subscription for a copy of my new edition has just been received. I shall send the books very soon by express in a package to his address. I have just written E. D.

My physique is entirely shattered—doubtless permanently, from paralysis and other ailments. But I am up and dressed, and get out every day a little. Live here quite lonesome, but hearty, and good spirits.

Write to me again.

Walt Whitman

Leaves of Grass, 1872 edition

___________

Walt Whitman and Bram Stoker met three times - in 1884, 1886 and 1887. Whitman passed away in 1892.

[monocytogenes]

An Embellishment of Lore (tag game)

I think as Fanfic writers, we often add lore to our stories. It is natural for us to build upon the pillars set for us. But what about the foundations, gravel and grit? What was a piece of Lore you added to Dragon Age that wasn’t pre-existing?

Tagged by @theluckywizard!

I tend to have a lot of lore sitting in documents (like, seriously, I have a whole thing just on Orlesian theater culture), but honestly, most of it is side stuff that enters fics in bits and pieces. Apart from events that I tweak due to character choices that aren't available in canon or the need to maintain practical plausibility, I usually don't invent that much for DA because the foundational worldbuilding is so damn good.

That said, here's a few fun details:

There are newspapers in Orlais. (Makes sense, since we know they can mass-produce books.)

Pravin glanced up from his cup of tea, regarding the older man, who was reading the week’s copy of Le Royan through a pair of pince-nez. “What?” “Inquisition,” Gaubert repeated expectantly, sliding the paper across the table to him. “You heard about this?”

Opiates exist. (There's implication of this in canon, but not fully substantiated.)

“And…” Fidencio’s gaze slid thoughtfully upward, debating his last choice, before leveling on Varric again. “One case laudanum.” “Ooh,” Varric said with a sharp inhale. “That’s a toughie. Been having some sourcing issues, for all the obvious reasons.” “Well, I can’t make this too easy for you,” Fidencio said with a smirk.

Josephine's a theater nerd who had season tickets to the Grande Royeaux. (I mean, she can take the PC to the opera; of course she is.)

“Which plays have you seen?” he asked in friendly Antivan. Josephine switched to her native tongue with a delighted laugh. “So many. I had season tickets for a quite a while. You were very memorable as Godoy in Fontenot—you brought such sharp intellect to a role that’s normally just a caricature of the scheming foreigner. And Sévigny—I’ve seen that probably three times with different casts, and your take on the man was fascinatingly raw and real. Like the prayer scene, how that’s normally this somber, elegant expression of grief, and you were just stalking about, furious, weeping—”

Cullen was taught to "speak properly" in a Chantry school and has an accent that implies he didn't receive a high-end education.

A commoner, Pravin figured. Interesting pick for a military appointment. Cullen sounded vaguely Ferelden, with one of those Chantry-taught accents that came across as deliberately stripped of regional color. Maybe he’d been connected to the institution, someone one of the Hands had grown accustomed to working with—a templar, perhaps.

I think probably one of my biggest additions to canon is the amount of multilingual interactions/linguistic code-switching I write--it's not something that's easy to portray in a game with voice acting, but so normative among real people who speak several languages that I can't not see it happening. Josephine and Pravin swap between Orlesian, Antivan and Common through the course of their first meeting in The Girl He Remembered, depending on their comfort level with each other, what they're talking about and who else is in the room, and I just love what it adds to the scene.

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Interested in your answers for 17 and 19 of the choose violence ask game, if you'd like to share them! Thank you :)

I was halfway through answering when I realized I totally misread the ask game. It is... not intended to be as dark as I made my answers, I think... oh well! I'm sticking to my guns. Anyone who's read my stuff knows this is a dead dove household lol

17. There should be more of this kind of fic/art

Oh man I'm about to Reveal Myself, but... I think KP as a whole could really use more noncon/dubcon, but KimChay especially (and Kim specifically). I read a fic a looong time ago when I first entered the fandom, it was like 400 words, and I'm not gonna name it in case the author doesn't want to be attached to it, but it was so good. Essentially Chay is very enthusiastic in the smut and Kin can't bring himself to say no, and I just!!! That is the good shit to me. I feel like especially post-reconciliation, Kim is exactly the kind of person that would overcompensate for breaking Chay's heart by giving him everything he wants. (i may be writing a fic about this already, called Stress Relief. That may or may not ever be posted. That may or may not be based on my own personal trauma. Anyway.) On a lighter note! I want to see more AUs! I'm a bit spoiled coming from the TW fandom, which is like. One of the most prolific fandoms on Ao3. But mannn, I want to see KimChay writers branch out and get absolutely unhinged with their AUs!

19. You're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Lets be real. My first answer was non-con. There's really not a lot I'm ashamed about lol. I mean I've got like 3 different tentacle monster fics in the works, I've got a Wuju Bakery fic that's 90% slime and oviposition (technically still up for debate. Eggpreg?). I'm all in on the things I like, and don't care/think much about the things I don't. I think I've been in fandom long enough, and gotten old enough, that I just... don't have time to waste on being awkward anymore. Lose your shame! Cast off your shackles! That said I used to think rimming was really gross and I don't like it irl but there are some people who just write it like. unf. Hot damn. I'm a little mad at @ae-azile for that one chapter of Progression 👀

Also not mad/ashamed/horrified, but I was surprised at how much I love reading autistic Kim and writing trans!Kim. For the first one I think the writers in this fandom do an excellent and convincing job at characterizing him (esp @kimkhimhant my beloved <3) without infantilizing him, which... happens a lot with autistic characters. Like, the writing is so spot on that I didn't even question in, I pretty much immediately assimilated that into my mental rolodex of headcanons. 10/10 A+ effort for everyone around.

The trans!Kim aspect is also really fun. I'd never really written trans characters before, but this past year, and the past couple of months especially, I've been really struggling with my own gender and identity. So writing about that through Kim has been really therapeutic. (Adding to my first answer, we need more trans!Kim!) Although... I do hope that the particular way I've chosen to explore his gender in Dystocia is.. taken gracefully. Since it does revolve around Kim having a very traumatic pregnancy (and a lot of other trauma in general), which I know can be triggering for people. Whenever I eventually post that monster of a fic I'm just going to liberally tag it with all the things and hope for the best lol.

I think Dystocia and Stress Relief are two fics that I'm incredibly nervous to post, both because of how personally significant they are to me in a way most of my fics aren't, and because they're both very dark, which IDK if that's something people really want to see from KimChay (esp in Stress Relief).

Anyway! This is a lot wordier and darker than it probably needed to be, and IDK if it's what you were looking for dear anon, but thank you for the ask!

[icharchivist]

I agree, while I HC Lucilius as aroace he probably isn't sex repulsed as much as he doesn't care. He's repulsed by Belial though

I like that most characters' sexualities are kinda up in the air, but yeah, Gabby is super lesbian (so is Europa) and Lucifer is either gay or demi sexual or something in that general area. Not that it fully matters

But I'm claiming Belial and his crimes for the bisexuals, even if he might as well be pan or omni and it wouldn't slow him down at all

I agree that Bubs ultimately probably doesn't care about gender as long as you just submit to him

They're all so progressive despite being assholes <3

YESS THAT'S THE MOOD.

exactly my feelings yes.

Like yeah Lucilius, AroAce but not specifically repulsed, just uninterested outside of the scientific approach. Might have tried once or twice but mostly it's a waste of time and doesn't really consider it something he'd do regularly or anything. But yes Belial would repulse him because Belial takes it a tad too far.

Agreed most sexualities are kinda up in the air, but it's just like... when some of them are obvious, they're obvious lmao.

Gabriel keeps flirting with Europa, or talk about the beauty of the woman form to Halluel and Malluel so often, while never mentioning anything about men whatsoever. and her feelings for Europa are extremely romantic loaded. So by all account we have proof she's attracted to women, but none about being attracted to men. Maybe down the line she would, but so far all we know really is that she's attracted to women, and it's something both romantic and physical for her.

Lucifer and Sandalphon are in this situation where they're in love with one another. So it's just easier to HC sexualities that would work on how they end up being in love with one another. They don't seem to care about anyone other than one another, and the sexual tension in between them is up for debate for anyone who would interpret them, so like. It's godspeed on whatever people decide to HC over them. my only argument would be that they're mlm, any others details is up to the player.

Claiming Belial for the Bi is totally valid. The only thing about him is that he canonically is DTF literally everything in the skies, and is in love with one man (and possibly would develop feelings for MC so it means any gender). however you decide to read the nuance over it is then free game as long as it's a multiple gender attraction and that it informs you on how he's still allosexual, and is more likely either alloromantic or demiromantic. But then? Bi is good still. And just appropriating him for the Bi is 100% a valid reason to get him there.

and yeah Bubs is progressive only because it means he can be on top of everyone. that's so cool.

and like i added in the tags let's not forget Lucio who loves to be the object of desire and attention, who flirts with Sandalphon openly, and also who openly said he doesn't believe in the gender binary anyway. And with Shalem, his other half, being all about how sex is the most normal thing ever, i assume Lucio doesn't have anything holding him back on this. So i doubt he's monosexual, and i doubt he's asexual in any way. Anything else is free game.

it's so fun bc hc'ing for GBF is often like "well idk what THAT is but that's not heterosexual", even when it's for dubious reasons like this.

love them all so much for this <333

[alisria]

if i have to see that fucking post about how "actually it's impossible to lose weight and you should never be recommended weight loss for your health and you can never ever keep weight off and if you diet you will Starve To Death" one more time i am going to actually commit an act of violence (after seeing it for the sixth fucking time and getting mad about it AGAIN i have finally blocked op instead of just continuing to unfollow whoever put it on my dash)

i put my rant under a readmore because i was writing it in tags and it got too long if anyone tries to fucking debate me about any of this you are getting blocked i seriously do not give a fuck this is a VENT POST because im EXTREMELY ANGRY

i understand that this sentiment can be valuable for people with restrictive eating disorders. you are allowed to eat and nourish your body and not feel guilty. but saying that "oh your knees wont hurt as much and your LDL/A1C will improve but thats it it's otherwise Very Unhealthy" is grossly negligent

ldl? you mean cholesterol? a1c? you mean blood sugar levels? you mean by eating in a way that nourishes your body but not in significant excess will help prevent heart disease and type 2 diabetes? which are lifelong medical conditions that can be expensive to live with in countries with no socialized health care?

how about instead of lying and saying that Losing Weight Is Bad we talk about eating varieties of nutrient-dense foods. we talk about adding in foods that are good for our bodies and slowly reducing the amount of foods that are genetically engineered to make you crave more and more and are sold by companies that do not give a shit about your health

like. eating 1500 calories a day is not a starvation diet for anyone under 5 foot 4. it is for taller people. because who would have thought people with larger frames need more energy to make their bodies work. because there is more of them to move around.

weight loss AND weight gain are morally neutral!! stop acting like One of them is good and one of them is evil!!! i understand that not every post is about me but like fuck!! seriously!!! this is the Misinformation Website!!! "this is all googleable" okay but you are also using extremely biased language. you are telling people to google 'starvation diet'. of course they will find information about people LITERALLY STARVING. 'i am a doctor just trust me bro' my doctor is the same with the body positive shit i had to CONVINCE her that losing weight would be worthwhile for me for a multitude of reasons. she finally fucking agreed with me after i said "listen. i felt so much better emotionally, physically, and mentally at [X] lbs. i could tie my own shoelaces without sitting down. i could run a mile without collapsing. using the fucking restroom is easier. i wasn't getting fucking TRAPPED on the floor. and now i weigh [Y] lbs and cant put on my own socks and i am fucking crippled and walk with a cane. i am MISERABLE. and i am STILL MISERABLE after finally being on medication that helps with my brain because i am in EXCRUCIATING PAIN every waking moment, and it even fucking wakes me up at night. i cant sleep. i cant do *anything*." and she finally had to say "yeah okay maybe it would help to lose some weight" LIKE I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO CONVINCE YOU TO BE OKAY WITH ME DOING SOMETHING THAT IS GOOD FOR ME.

this shit makes me SO FUCKING ANGRY. i have seen a dietician, who has graduated me from seeing her. i do not have an eating disorder. but these fucking posts that are just LYING are actively triggering!!!

for the love of god there are communities of people out there who have lost a significant amount of weight, have kept it off, and are EXTREMELY supportive for people who want that for themselves! people who choose to stick around once theyre in "maintenance" (staying at a weight that is healthy for them) because they want to help people improve their lives! acting like NO ONE keeps the weight off is just wrong!!

some of us have fucked up hunger cues!! some of us have adapted overeating as an unhealthy coping mechanism!! as a form of self-harm!! and these things deserve to be faced with kindness and understanding, not "You Will Fail, You Will Fail, You Must Stay Fat"

being fat is morally neutral!! being thin is morally neutral!! you are not a bad person for wanting to gain weight! you are not a bad person for wanting to lose weight! you are not a bad person for wanting to stay the same weight! you are not a bad person for not even being concerned about your weight! but by fucking god you are allowed to feel happy and comfortable with your body in whatever shape it is, and if you know you would be happier in a different shape, you are allowed to work for that!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[penncilkid]

Got tagged by the bringer of amazing headcanons and provider of gorgeous, jaw dropping interpretations @mr-laveau to assign some ships songs. Did my best here and 100% picked songs I already associate with other ships and characters because listen, sharing is caring. Let's get into it!

[D.A.M.N. Polycule]

This is all the boys @ FL and simultaneously FL @ all the bots. All of them are grateful to be in each other's lives and wouldn't have it any other way. They can't imagine things being different. Lyrics that specifically stick it: "It feels so good to know ya"

[Sam/Darlin']

It's a tad upbeat from what I envision the vibe of this pair to have but the lyrics fit to me. I'm also a sucker for any song that's like "I'm scared to love you but I love you too much not to try" so here we are /pos

[Huxley/Damien]

If there's one thing you need to know about are the blueprint to me. Alright, this is my top ship, can't be beat. I like to think that this song is from Damien's perspective once they get together. In general, I think they bring out the best in each other and this song fits that.

[Avior/Starlight]

LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN (/LH)— Avior is one of my favorite characters. Starlight is one of my favorite listeners. Their storyline is one of my favs overall. That being said, I also love a little pain and this song cuts me deep. It feels like it sums up where they're both at mentally when it comes to the meridian stuff.

[Cutie/Geordi]

Much more from Cutie's perspective, but I feel like this captures their inner turmoil and how that conflicts with their love for Geordi. I love them and their story in general, and I think this song shows a certain will for their relationship to work out while still highlighting how Cutie has their own stuff to work through.

[Vincent/Lovely]

This specific version. The almost quiet feel to it compared to the original draws you in, pulls you close. Gendering aside, it's even more fitting post-Inversion.

[David/Angel]

Reminds me of quiet nights and healing as you go, which I feel is a major part of their relationship development. To me, this gives off "I want to be there for you and help you when the darkness clouds your mind". Again, always a sucker for.

[Vega/Camelopardalis]

This is an ultra specific pick based entirely off of the fic "And That’s Why We Broke Up" by @dominimoonbeam (your writing is >>>). I get that it's canon divergence, I get that this ship ain't for everyone, I get that I'm 99% certain it'd never happen in canon. That doesn't change the fact that this is 100% what I think of when I think about this pairing in the context of this fic.

[Elliott/Sunshine]

Beginning of the song reminds me of Elliott showing Sunshine dreams dreamscapes and stuff. That mixed with the friends to lovers vibes from the beginning of their relationship/dynamic and overall energy this song has made it fit for me.

[Alexis/Sam] (LET ME EXPLAIN /LH)

This ship isn't for me and I debated adding it at all, but this is one of the first songs I thought to add for this. I think it absolutely fits from Alexis' perspective and, if you view her as a more complex character rather than one dimension, it makes you hurt in a "It is what it is but damn" kind of way. Especially the line "strangers to friends, friends into lovers, then strangers again". Like come on, it fucks me up to imagine that pain after everything that transpired between her and Sam.

[Bonus Honorable Mentions]

Hit my audio limit whoops but Friendly Dark by Ollie MN for similar reasons as Die Trying assigned to Avior/Starlight. Also Our Love by Curtis Harding and Jazmine Sullivan from Arcane for Milo/Sweetheart (gendering aside). The girls that get it get it, and the girls that don't don't (/lh).

This was a lot of fun, even if I had to rack my brain a bit. I hope you enjoy my selection~ Tagging @thefablefoxart because I'm always in love with your musical suggestions (and don't know anyone else to tag /lh)

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 12

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 12: When the bones are good, the rest don’t matter.

October 2018

With everything going on, his relationship with Dan blossoming, their friendship and their public branding being sort of related again, Phil debated on whether to look into posts he was not tagged in for mentions of the ship, to see what people thought of them now and it took him weeks to finally decide to go through with it. 

He let out a sigh of relief when he saw that most viewers on Tumblr talked about the glass closet concept, respectful of them not wanting to discuss their current relationship status but having caught onto the clues that there was something there, just enough context clues to let the queer viewers into the secret and let the homophobic people pretend that they didn’t see anything. 

There was a moment, a sinking feeling in his stomach, when he came across another post saying that Dan and Phil had gone back to queer baiting to sell merch and get more views and condemning it, but not many people seemed to agree. It was dated a few months prior, before their coming out videos, but it still hurt Phil’s feelings. Only a blind person could accuse him of queer baiting. 

He shook his head and hopped into the shower, he needed to relax. He washed his body thoroughly, briefly considering getting off but he was too stressed about what he’d seen to give it a shot. Phil almost slipped and cracked his skull in the shower when he heard the door to this flat open. He wrapped a towel around his hips and carefully walked out of the bathroom, stopping by the kitchen to grab a cast iron pan.

“Hey!” 

Phil jumped and dropped the pan to the floor, narrowly avoiding his foot but cracking a tile in the process. “Dan!”.

“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Dan said. “I used the spare key because you were not answering,” he mumbled as his eyes travelled down Phil’s naked torso hungrily. 

“Oh,” Phil said, trying to ignore Dan’s scolding stare. “What happened?”

“I just - wanted to tell you about a thing I was offered…” trailed off, still not looking into Phil’s eyes.

“Well, what is it?” Phil tried, but Dan ran his fingers on Phil’s chest softly, fiddling with the sparse patch of hair.

“You are so wet,” Dan said, clearly not paying attention.

“I was in the shower,” Phil said awkwardly. 

Dan finally looked up and pulled him closer by the hips. Then, he pressed their noses together, looking into Phil’s eyes. “God, I love you so much,” he whispered.

Phil’s eyes widened and before he could say anything, Dan was kissing him as he ran the tips of his fingers down Phil’s back adoringly, barely grazing the skin, the touch leaving goosebumps in its wake. Dan’s hands came to rest in the small of his back as he kissed Phil’s neck, he smirked when Phil gasped and held onto his shoulders. 

He paused and looked into Phil’s eyes for a moment before asking: “May I?” he said, running his fingers on the edge of the towel.

Phil considered it for a moment, trying to not jump into things because he was horny, but they had been working towards it for a few months now, slowly, really talking things through, paying attention to their feelings and where they were at mentally and emotionally, and - yes, Phil really wanted to. He was ready. “Yes,” he whispered and leaned in for another kiss, burying his fingers in the curls on the back of Dan’s head, playing with them softly. He let out a happy sigh when their hips met. He had missed this, he had missed having Dan like this.

Grabbing Phil’s butt through the towel, Dan took a few steps forward, trying to guide Phil to his bedroom, but snorted at how they stumbled awkwardly and opted for just pulling Phil along by the hand. Phil laughed along; it wouldn’t be them if it wasn’t at least a little bit ungraceful. 

Once they had arrived at their destination, Phil sat on the bed and watched Dan unceremoniously remove his shirt and unbuckle his belt, marvelling at all the changes in his body and how good he looked. “Come here,” he said, extending a hand towards Dan and helping him with his zipper and looking up at him, caressing his tummy. “Gorgeous,” he said under his breath.

Dan leaned down for a quick kiss and gently pushed at his chest.

“But-” Phil protested as he discarded the towel, trying to tempt Dan.

“Later,” Dan said. He removed his jeans and lay on top of Phil, resting his weight on his elbows and leaning down to kiss him.

Phil let Dan do as he wished and let his hands wander down Dan’s gorgeous back, grabbing his ass. The sudden movement startled Dan, causing his hips to twitch and finally press their cocks together. 

Phil smiled into the kiss when Dan began to grind on him. Their breaths came out in pants as Phil met Dan thrust for thrust, perhaps a bit too eagerly and Dan let out a high-pitched whine. He tried to angle away from the friction but Phil wrapped one leg around him, not ready to let go of the amazing sensation quickly building in his stomach. 

Beginning to tremble, Dan gave up on the kiss, unable to keep his focus, and pressed his forehead to Phil’s shoulder, letting out small puffs of air that tickled his neck.

“Phil!” Dan moaned as his thrust became more erratic, his entire body shaking. “Ah, fuck,” he said before coming all over Phil who was still thrusting up against him, still desperately chasing his own orgasm, letting out breathy moans.

“You’re so cute when you whine like that,” Dan mumbled into his ear and bit down on Phil’s neck finally pushing him over the edge.

They lay there panting for a little while before Dan got up and went to get a towel soaked in warm water, sitting at the edge of the bed to clean Phil up, which made him smile.

“Thank you,” Phil said, placing his hand on Dan’s arm.

“You’re welcome,” Dan said, dropping a kiss to his forehead and climbing into bed with him.

Phil wrapped one arm around Dan and pulled him close, sighing happily. He pressed a few kisses on Dan’s cheeks, lips, forehead and nose.

Dan snorted a laugh, blushing and trying to hide his face in the pillow.

“What?” Phil asked with what he knew was a goofy smile.

“Nothing!” Dan said. “I missed this. Us”

“Me too,” Phil admitted. “What did you want to tell me earlier?”

“Nothing, it was all a ploy to barge in and find you naked.”

“Oh, shut up,” Phil laughed. “Be serious now!”

Dan paused, his expression dropping for a moment. “I was offered a book deal. It would be a self-help book,” he said. “And I wanted to know what you thought about that.”

“What else am I going to think? I think it’s amazing! You’ve always wanted to help people through books. Who came to you? Publishing?”

“Young Minds, actually. I had mentioned to them before that it is something that interested me, they handled everything but left the door open for negotiations,” Dan said.

“I love that! Congratulations, you deserve it!” Phil gave Dan a quick kiss. “I’m so proud of you!”

Dan smiled. “Thank you,” he said and Phil could tell that he was holding off, trying to say something else.

“What?”

“Ready for another one?” Dan smirked.

“That was not what you were going to say!” Phil laughed.

“It was!” Dan kissed him, trying to distract him from the conversation, and it worked, of course, Phil had never been able to resist Dan and Dan knew that very well. 

Dan’s lips wandered down, dropping kisses on his neck and chest, teasing Phil with random bites on his tummy, his inner thighs and even his hips until he was fully hard. Only then did Dan settle between his legs. 

Phil buried his fingers in Dan’s curls, pulling softly as he watched Dan wrap one hand around the base of his cock and ghost his breath over it, licking his lips as if he couldn’t wait to figuratively eat him. It was too much for Phil; he let his head drop back to the pillow. 

“Look at me,” Dan demanded and Phil complied, locking eyes with Dan just for a moment, watching him press his tongue flat against the shaft and give him a long lick from root to tip, taking him in and sucking lightly. Phil’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as Dan hollowed his cheeks and began bobbing his head before pulling away and swirling his tongue around the head. 

Phil felt his fringe sticking to his sweaty forehead, the heat already rising within him when Dan pressed the tip of his tongue to his slit and sucked harder before really getting into a nice rhythm, taking him a bit deeper each time and moaning so loudly, the vibrations sending tiny shocks of pleasure to Phil’s cock as he got into his throat.

High-pitched whines were falling from Phil’s lips ever so often, his legs starting to shake as he got closer and closer to the edge. He wasn’t usually this fast, fuck, but Dan had learned a trick or two in the time they’d been apart. That thought pulled him away from the edge. Who the fuck did Dan learn this from? He frowned.

Dan pulled back and gave him an unimpressed look. “What?” he panted. “You’re distracted, I can tell.”

“Nothing!” Phil rushed to say, trying not to completely ruin things.

“Don’t lie!” Dan huffed, squeezing his cock slightly, making Phil groan in discomfort.

“You’ve gotten good at this,” Phil said and it was only half a compliment, and Dan knew it, raising one eyebrow to call Phil out on his bullshit. “Since we’ve done it,” he finally finished the sentence.

Dan huffed, crawling up to speak to him properly, and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I did. And now I’m going to use everything I know on you. Only you,” he said. “You have nothing to be jealous of.”

Phil gasped when Dan wrapped one hand around his cock, his lips already attached to Phil’s neck as he pumped torturously slowly, twisting his hand on the upstroke and thumbing the head.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” Dan said, biting his neck softly.

“I don’t want to think about anyone touching you,” Phil said.

“Then don’t. That was after I left. It was nobody important,” Dan mumbled, his hand still moving. “And I thought of you with each and every one of them.”

“You are mine,” Phil snarled, pulling Dan’s hair a bit too harshly to give himself space to bite his neck. He pushed Dan onto the mattress, crawling on top of him and pinning his arms down.

“Yes!” Dan moaned, his body responding to Phil’s change in demeanour.

Phil paused, a bit bewildered about Dan’s reaction. “What?”

“Fuck me,” Dan mumbled. 

Phil’s eyes widened, his resolution faltering. “What?”

Dan looked into his eyes and spoke up. “Please, fuck me.”

“Are you sure?”

Dan nodded, but when Phil didn’t move, he continued. “Phil, for fuck’s sake, I've been fingering myself in the shower thinking about you for years,” he said. “It's been years!”

Phil bit his lip as a memory crossed his mind. The first time they were together, Dan had asked Phil to ride him, it was only fair that he got to watch this time. “Alright,” he smirked. “Ride me.”

Dan didn’t need to be told twice. He nodded and straddled Phil, reaching for the bedside drawer, finding the lube and a condom in no time. Phil watched with rapt attention as Dan rubbed the lube between his fingers, his hand disappearing behind his back as he leaned down to kiss him and started stretching himself. 

Even though Phil had no way of seeing exactly what Dan was doing, he could feel every sigh into the kiss, the tremble of his legs, and the incredibly happy smile that graced his lips. He took this opportunity to get reacquainted with Dan’s body, gently gracing the tips of his fingers on his nipples, shoulders, and down his back, feeling the goosebumps the sensation brought Dan until he reached Dan’s lower back. Curiosity got the best of him as he traced Dan’s fingers down to his hole. “Do you need help?” he mumbled against Dan’s lips hoping he would say yes.

Dan broke the kiss and he shook his head. “Just kiss me, I can do it,” he said, shutting his eyes with a focused frown.

Phil smirked and pulled Dan down for a deep kiss, letting out a happy sigh as his hands travelled south once again, settling on Dan’s ass and helping him move, causing him to grind gently on Phil as he fingered himself.

Turning his head towards Dan’s side, Phil managed to kiss his neck and suck lightly before the other pulled away.

“Don’t do that or this will be over before it starts,” Dan hissed, sitting up. He gave Phil a stern look and passed the condom and lube to him.

“Sorry,” Phil said with a smirk, not feeling sorry for a second. He tore the packet, uncapped the lube and did his usual method, making sure that the condom was rolled correctly and well lubed inside and out.

Dan pulled his fingers out and wiped his hands on his discarded T-shirt before settling them on Phil’s chest. 

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Phil asked, not wanting Dan to hurt himself.

“Yeah,” Dan said, reaching back to grab Phil’s cock. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and looked into Phil’s eyes as he sank down slowly, his brows burrowed into a frown. 

There was a little resistance but Phil let Dan handle it on his own time.

“Fuck!” Dan moaned.

Phil was in heaven, his hands on Dan’s hips, helping him settle down slowly, feeling him pulse around him. “So beautiful,” Phil whispered.

“You,” Dan replied. He rolled his hips and it was Phil’s time to moan. Despite the stretching, Dan was so tight. “Always wanted to do this with you.”

“Yeah?” Phil asked breathlessly.

“Mhmm. I knew you would feel amazing,” Dan said. He started rocking, slowly at first but gradually getting into it. Throwing his head back, he rolled his hips again and again, pulling out and sinking back harder down with each roll.

Dan had such a beautiful neck, Phil wanted to bite it again, but he settled for watching the gorgeous expanse of skin just out of his reach, Adam’s apple bobbing as Dan swallowed and the muscles flexing as he moaned. Phil dug his nails into Dan’s hips and helped him sink down harder as they picked up the pace.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” Dan whined, louder and louder and Phil was starting to get distracted thinking of the neighbours. 

Then he did it. He spanked Dan’s ass, throwing him off his rhythm but watching his cock twitch at the pain. That kinky bastard. “Be quiet,” Phil snickered.

“Make me,” Dan pouted, slowing down to a stop.

“Really?” Phil asked.

The blush creeping up Dan’s chest and neck confirmed it, even before he nodded.

Phil tapped Dan’s side. “Up. I’ll take care of you,” he said and Dan looked way too happy about it. “On your knees and elbows.”

Dan bit his lip and gave him a sly smile before obliging. Just as he was settling comfortably on his elbows, Phil grabbed his ass, spreading him open and slowly pushed inside as deep as he could. Dan let out a low moan and arched his back, trying to push back against him. Phil paused, holding him still, giving Dan a moment to adjust to the feeling again before pulling one of his hands behind his back and then the other, leaving him trembling on his knees until he settled forward on his shoulders.

“I can’t really move like this,” Dan said.

“That’s the idea,” Phil replied and grasped both of Dan’s wrists with one hand, placing a pillow in front of his face. “If you want to scream, do it into the pillow. I trust you to turn your head to the side if you can’t breathe.” 

“What if I want to choke?” Dan snorted and tried to move his hips but Phil spanked him with his free hand. “Ngh!”

“Do you want me to fuck you hard or gently?” Phil asked.

“Hard,” Dan groaned.

“Good. Then keep your hands behind your back like this,” Phil commanded. “Got it?”

“Yeah!” Dan moaned.

Satisfied with that reply, Phil let go of Dan’s hands and placed his own on Dan’s gorgeous hips again. He pulled out just a bit before thrusting back in, experimenting with different angles until he found what he was looking for. Smirking, Phil thrust harder and harder, barely able to hear Dan screaming his moans into the pillow above the sound of his blood rushing to his ears and the slap of flesh against flesh.

Dan put his hands down and pushed himself back against his thrusts. “Harder,” he begged as he began to tremble. “Please! please! I’ll be quiet,” he babbled.

Phil obliged, pulling out and slamming back into Dan as hard as he could, effectively pushing Dan into the mattress shoulders first again. “Touch yourself,” he said and continued to slam into him at a punishing pace.

Dan shut his eyes and turned his head to the side. He bit his lip hard, stifling his moans as his hand flew over his cock until he came with a silent scream.

Phil slammed into Dan one more time as deep as he could and came into the condom, shivering as he felt Dan’s overstimulated body twitch. He pulled out and discarded the condom but when he saw Dan’s beautiful body covered in a thin layer of sweat, his hair stuck to his face, and the bruises already forming on his hips, Phil couldn’t help himself and pushed one finger inside of him, pressing it gently against his prostate. He leaned over Dan’s body and whispered: “Can I eat you out, Baby?”

“Fuck,” Dan laughed looking at him over his shoulder. “Right now?”

Phil raised one eyebrow at him.

“Yeah,” Dan whispered. “Ok.”

Phil grabbed Dan’s ass and pried his cheeks open, exposing his hole and pressed the tip of his tongue against it, giving him teasing licks for a few minutes until he sneaked his hand around and confirmed his suspicions, Dan was getting hard again. 

“Bastard,” Dan said. “I’m too sensitive.” He pressed his face into the pillow.

“Do you want me to stop?” Phil teased.

Dan looked over his shoulder. “Shut up and eat me out,” he groaned.

“Bossy.” Phil laughed and shoved his tongue inside of Dan without further preamble. He alternated between thrusting his tongue inside and soft licks and kisses until Dan was ready to murder him. Only then did Phil properly fucked him with his tongue until his jaw was sore and even past that point, when Dan’s balls drew up and his hole clenched hard around Phil as he came for what felt like forever.

Dan lay down at his side, trembling with the aftershocks of his orgasm and turned his head to look at Phil, his brows burrowing into a frown. Phil could see Dan’s expression slowly begin to change into one of worry, or even panic, as time went on.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked, bracing himself as his anxiety began to rise with every second Dan stayed silent. “Please, don’t leave. Let’s talk about it.”

“I’m not leaving,” Dan mumbled, his eyes wide. 

“Do you regret it?” Phil asked, his voice small, already cursing himself for pushing Dan’s boundaries.

“No!” Dan said and rolled onto his side to face Phil, lacing their fingers together. “No, I swear. I just -”

“What?” Phil squeaked.

“I meant to say it on a romantic date, not like that,” Dan pouted.

Phil’s brain was beginning to come back online and then it hit him, what Dan had said earlier. He actually meant what Phil had hoped he did. “You love me?”

“You’ve always known that. What I meant to say was… I am in love with you,” Dan said and held his gaze, waiting for an answer.

Phil smiled widely, letting out a sigh of relief. “Me too. I mean, I love you so much.” He rolled onto his side to face Dan and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, dropping a few more around his face for good measure.

Dan giggled as Phil kissed him all over but still asked: “But are you in love with me? That’s different.”

Phil rolled his eyes at him. “Yeah, I am in love with you, dork.”

“Then you are my boyfriend now,” Dan said with a cheeky smile.

“Is that even a question?” Phil asked, amused.

Dan shook his head, a smile still on his lips. “No, Lester. You are mine now. No turning back.”

“Good.” Phil nodded. “Stay.”

“There’s nowhere else I would rather be,” Dan said, pressing a kiss to the back of Phil’s hand.

“Aww, that’s cheesy,” Phil teased.

“It’s supposed to be cheesy,” Dan laughed.

Phil tickled him until Dan was cry-laughing and begging him to stop. “God, I love you, I love you so much, you can’t imagine,” he said and pressed their lips together into a soft kiss, sighing happily. It was just a relief to be able to say it out loud; Phil hadn’t realised how much he’d needed to say it, to let Dan know. “I love you,” he said again and he felt butterflies in his stomach at the fond smile Dan gave him, his eyes full of love and almost adoration.

“I love you too,” Dan whispered.

In fact, Dan’s voice whispering sweet nothings into his ear was what lulled Phil to sleep peacefully. 

When Phil opened his eyes again, he felt inundated with a sense of happiness like he had never felt before, not in the early morning at least and not just for waking up, for being alive. 

His vision focused and he smiled as he saw Dan snoring softly at his side, the sunlight coming through the window making his skin glow, enhancing the little freckles on his shoulders and the warm brown in his hair. He grabbed his phone and snapped a picture of Dan before cuddling up to him and resting his face on his shoulder.

Dan stirred, his brows furrowed until he saw Phil and flashed him a smile. “Hi, love,” Dan said in his low and raspy morning voice.

Phil almost squealed at the pet name, but he controlled himself. “Hi,” he whispered. “Breakfast?”

“Mmm, yeah,” Dan said. “Later.” His head disappeared under the sheets as he made his way down Phil’s body laying kisses on his wake.

Phil’s shocked laugh soon turned into a string of moans and, for some reason, they didn’t make it to breakfast until much much later.

Dan was good on his promise. He stayed that day, and the next, and the one after that, until he had to return to work, and even then he came back in his spare time. Just like back in the day, there was barely a time when Dan wasn’t at Phil’s flat. He had, once again, “dumped all his shit” at Phil’s and made it his second home, and in December, when Dan’s lease was due, the decision was obvious: he officially moved in with Phil. 

[waluigisgaybf]

Because i sent the ask before seeing the Dark Urge version of the list, here's the adjusted list: 1, 10, 13 or 7. Also the Durge list doesn't have a hobby question but feel free to answer that one too if you want!

I was legit about to answer the Tav one for my Durge before I saw this second ask 👀

Ive actually kind of thought about these a lot and have small little ideas of what I go with so Im def about to use these to solidify and piece together things for me boy- (and will still answer the hobbies one cause Id already typed it but I’ll put it in the tags cause Im incapable of not using SO many words for things.

1.) What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their Class/Subclass?

Nalnor is a College of Swords Bard, the subclass just made the most sense for his style cause hes a show offy hacky slashy type of guy- but subclass aside, when Nal was young he probably realized fairly quickly how much joy he got out of telling storys or playing music, almost anything that would wow a crowd or even just a single person.

Part of its because ever since he was a child, before and after the urge took hold- he had this need for approval and acceptance, so seeing that he had the ability to even just trick people into it made him really stick to it- Once the urge began to take even more of a hold and finally became fully who he was- it brought a new element in, the ability to control someone emotions and reactions with just a simple tune brought him a whole new level of excitement, the power his words could have, to lull people into a fall sense of comfort even before killing them- After the loss of memories and tadpole its come back full circle though, he just really loves singing and humming and playing instrument, and he LOVES moving people with his music and making people smile— and it’s debatable if he can even kind of remember or will remember- but the true actual reason he ever even started humming or singing as a child was because his adoptive mother used to sing before the urge made him kill his foster family and it quickly rubbed off on him.

10.) What motivates your Dark Urge to either embrace or resist the tadpole?

At first he’s really really hesitant and to nervous to fuck with any of it- cause hes already got some weird shit going on in his head- he’s not gonna risk adding anything else, but as “The Dream Guardian” starts showing up more and more- Nalnor slowly kind of starts to trust him and also becomes more desperate to figure out what the fucks going on so he slowly starts using the powers and the tadpole more- once the Astral-touched tadpole is brought up he once again because extremely hesitant because hes literally just figured out who he actually is and who he thinks he wants to be and the thought of becoming even semi Illithid scares the fuck out of him- but the hes slowly realizing it might actually be the only way to make sure his friends hes come to cherish live and are safe- and the fear isnt going away, but hes becoming slowly more tempted to do just to help them all better 😳😳

13.) How does your Dark Urge feel about killing? AND 7.) Did your Dark Urge recall any childhood memories? If yes, how do they feel about the revelations? If no, was it by choice or lack of options?

(Imma try do a two in one answer cause they kinda work together lmao)

He did actually get one of the two in game childhood memories- his first actual murder(s) where he’s standing over the body of his foster family.

It was triggered when Heal was cast on him so he definitely was NOT expecting it, and was NOT happy about it 😳 The details are still so foggy but he remembers he had a sibling, and that his parents were kind and sweet, but he remembers their blood on his hands, the absolute confusion he felt when realizing what he’d done and the terrifying speed in which is guilt subsided and turned into excitement and the looks on their faces. It is not a memory he is happy about, and he cant stop wondering how many other friends or family he may have killed.

Ever since he woke up in that pod he’s been horrified of the joy, excitement, and fulfillment killing fills him with, he struggles greatly especially at first to resist, and catches himself in moments where he swears he didnt feel the urge but definitely acted out on it in some way.

The killing scares him because he wants you to do it so bad and because hes scared of whatever part of him seems to be fighting for control.

Slowly after more shits uncovered and he gets to coping more, he feels less scared of killing, hes more confident he can resist letting it consume him, but still feels this small fear from the satisfaction it brings him each time, and is still quietly scared of it sneaking up on him and consuming him because he cant how much of it feels like its because of Baahl in his blood and how much of it is just- who he is.

[grokebaby]

HI WAVES MY HAND IN THE AIR. PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT JARMO AND THE RED HOTEL. You mentioned the whole thing is gaining sentience slowly, how does that work ? Do its residents (when there are any) notice it, and how does it manifest at first ? Does it feel fear and stuff when there's like bad people inside ? And what about Jarmo, can he talk ? Considering he's less a person and more just a puppet apparition, I'd suspect he doesn't actually have a voice, but rather just uses one that he THINKS the people staying in will recognize as friendly. OH and and. Do you have a front of the hotel drawn :3 /NF IM JUST GENUINELY CURIOUS BECAUSE I IMAGINE THE FROMT COULD KINDA LOOK LIKE A FACE IF YOU SQUINTED. ENOUGH. Sorry im excited this concept is fascinating

HII WAVES BACK AT YOU. LOVE THE ENERGY LOVE THE CREATIVITY MY BROTHER

I realise now that my wording made it seem like the hotel itself, first and foremost, starts developing personhood and while that wasn't what I intended to say,.... Oh boy the potential??? You always present ideas so awesomely I can't not be inspired by them like. Oh man.

Okok I wouldn't say the hotel develops sentience (or rather sapience, like Jarmo) in that way but like. I imagine that further along the line it would kinda become like the house in Encanto, bc the hotel, in some sense of the word, is absolutely alive. It's like a self sufficient video game map that generates whatever is needed and it's capable of expanding and generating more space and items (granted it has enough energy, ykno, it needs sustenance). It's reactive, proactive, and has the ability to adapt. So while, with Jarmo I kinda debated over the emotions thing, with the hotel I....... (stares off into nothing) uh.

To tackle the part about fear and bad people, no the hotel doesn't have the capacity for judgement necessarily but it definitely will get aggressively more defensive, if for example, there are guests actively breaking shit and trying to break into places they're not supposed to go. Jarmo is actually meant to take care of this part if the guests start going too far and getting too destructive towards the hotel, bc it too is just trying to survive. I feel that yes, the guests would likely notice that this hotel sorta.. "behaves" very differently from how normal buildings should (which is to say, not really at all). The hotel is aware enough to know when a certain door should be "locked" (aka not have the capacity to be opened at all), or where a hallway should lead (exactly the place the guest was looking for. Unless it contradicts with being a place the guest isn't allowed into). I wanna say, you might be able to trick or outsmart the house, but you'll definitely get hit with the consequences later if you manage to do so as a guest.. And since the hotel is Jarmo's "natural territory", he too can influence it. Going back to that locked door thing, the hotel will know to make a door or area unavailable if Jarmo tells the guests that it is so. Also, if Jarmo states that some guest in particular is banned from something, the hotel will act accordingly

The hotel is also capable of being injured.

ALSO that idea about how the hotel looks from the outside. Fucking mint, I gotta say. That is so cool. But no I've almost never drawn locations or buildings, so I've got nothing except word description of how the red hotel looks. Even then tho, it is a place capable of warping with your perception or even independently from it. So.

And, you are so correct about Jarmo's voice! He is always and in every way, customer service mode 24/7. He does have a distinct voice, so it's not just a different one every time (consistency is convincing), but yes, it is a very manufactured, ad-reading esque, customer service voice. Actually, as I mentioned in some tags earlier, this started as a (LIVE ACTION) Roleplay setting, which meant I had to voice act Jarmo, so he does have his own voice! It's generic tho, yes. But it very much fits his face, and it's nuances can change with what the guests would expect to hear from a face like that, but generally it's a jolly, enthusiastic but contained, warm buttery voice belonging to an older man. With no discernible accent. Simultaneously so full of personality and so devoid of life.

[strawberryamanita]

I love my friends that use neopronouns, even though I don't.

I love my friends that use mirrorpronouns, even though I don't.

I love my friends that use no pronouns, even though I don't.

I love my friends that refer to themselves as "we", even if they aren't plural, even though I don't.

I love my friends that are plural, even though I am not.

I love my friends that are systems, even though I am not.

I love my friends that are fictives, even though I am not.

I love my friends that are factives, even though I am not.

I love my friends that develop introjects inspired by characters or people they relate to, even though I haven't.

I love my friends that kin several characters or people, even though I don't.

I have trouble understanding how more than half of the above identities and ways to express onesself work, why they happen, or what purpose they serve for the people who use them. And while I'd love to be filled-in(you can inbox or message me), it doesn't really matter to me because it doesn't make a difference regarding how I treat them.

I just see friends. I just see friends who have their own lives, their own struggles, their own pain and their own joy. I see people that are trying to salvage an identity in a world that seeks to destroy our individualities and instinctive comradery and drives to find happiness in any way that isn't working under corporations that don't care about our health.

In a world where nothing has been calm for decades, scrambling for scraps of identity has begun to feel desperate. We wanna find some inner truth about ourselves that can't be monetized and diluted and ironed-out and sold back to us. It's okay if your identity is starting to feel abstract, or even if you're trying to see yourself in a more abstract light. It's not really a competition between eachother to see who can be the most unique, we're just trying to get away from the disgusting Capitalist goop that's taken up residence in our brain, trying to put a price-tag on every cell in our body.

The world is a big mess, and that's none of our faults. You trying to see yourself through different lenses isn't contributing to that. There's global-scale problems we need to band together and fix alongside these inward scrutinies, but it's not adding to the tower of awfulness we have to scale.

It's okay.

It feels like identity itself has become a Dadaist concept. And as a big fan of transgressive art, I say it deserves to be hung up right next to the Traditionalist works.

If you are reading this, you are a work of art.

***I don't want any fucking discourse on this post. Go complain about me on another post, or come to my inbox or DM's. I want my friends to know that I love them, and that their identity and self-expression is not a deciding factor over whether I accept and validate them. If you believe that human beings shouldn't be debated, then practice what you preach.***

[rise-my-angel]

I am an avid fan of your work!

Seriously, the Dany fans are worse than militant Swifties sometimes lmao. (I also feel it necessary to point out that I’m referring to the deranged swifties) Don’t let them bother you (which is easy to say, I know)

It’s clear from some of the hate you’re getting that there is a particular culture of Dany fans who have no skills in engaging with texts critically - in that sometimes they have to consider both sides of an argument. If they see anyone disagree with their ‘absolutely right opinion’ then they throw huge temper tantrums.

There’s nothing wrong with people who like her and I’m not saying they’re stupid at all but that little microcosm of people who are obsessed with her and actively go out of their way to harass you clearly lack any sort of decorum and make it so very clear they don’t understand the series lol.

Or better yet, if they don’t like seeing posts that are anti Targaryen then perhaps they should consider not interacting with that post.

In my opinion, I think it’s daft to feel so passionately about a character who is clearly extremely power hungry, because if a Dany stan was magically transported to Westeros they likely would have been burned because let’s face it, she doesn’t care about her people to the extent people suggest she does, she only cares about power.

Basically, I think you’re great and your writing is beautiful and keep it up!

It sort of just baffles me at this point how often they feel the need to defend her against any and all criticism. I see criticism of characters I love, but I ignore it. I see a lot of Ned Stark criticism from Rhaegar stans but I simply instead make my own post about my own views and opinions on that matter rather than engage in arguing. I am fine with the fact that I probably haven't changed anyones mind on Dany as a character, I am here to just explore my interpretations and why I got to them. Not to debate her fans on their own personal enjoyment.

I've had a surprisingly high number of even random one off anons tell me to just "shut up about her keep her name out of your mouth" and it's like, I never tag her name alone. I only ever use anti tags so that people who disagree or like her don't have to see my stances against her but it's like they seek out ways to get angry when I never post my thoughts to the tags I know normal Dany stans will be in. I can be a snarky smart ass sometimes in my tags but I don't actually go out of my way to upset these people.

Blindly defending everything a character does to me, seems nonsensical when we are talking about a character with a violent streak for cruelty and uses her dragons as a threat for mass death. I feel like on a very surface level analysis, those are things which naturally deserve criticism about her as a character. Even with my favourite characters, I can explain WHY they did something negative but I won't blindly defend them as being correct or in the unquestioning right about the matter.

I had someone yesterday send me an ask claiming I was being disingenuous and blaming Sansa for something by pointing out a bunch of things I write literally did not say, because they were just mad they disagreed with my point.

It just doesn't make sense to me, going to someones blog or adding onto someones own post JUST to tell you they think your interpretation of something is backwards and wrong or stupid and mean.

That is not a productive way to convince someone that you have a point worth listening too.