#honestly Robert you are so clever but so stupid I love you

[alexander-the-ham-man]

Soo Je Suis back!

This time I would like to talk about Robert Townsend's cousin...James

It was the Spring of 1780, Abraham Woodhull was once again a cry baby and was like "Oh my God G.Wash I am not vibing right now. I am out bye". Obviously he left for a bit before coming back, because he was as I said a cry baby.

Now back to the eventful Spring of 1780, Robert Townsend our dear old Bob had to "explore" and understand how to use a passage through New Jersey. As we all know, Robby dearest was very cautious and decided that "why should I use Washington's contacts when I have my own amazing, very intelligent, teenage cousin James?".

James decided to take the task as courier through the Hudson, which was mostly a Loyalist area. In order not to rise questions he was given a secret identity. James' story was that he was a Tory who had to recruit British soldiers and that was going to meet his family (Tory family obvi), in a mostly Patriot side.

During this mission he went into the house of a nice family, the Dausenberry family, that were BELIEVED to be loyalists.

Being a teenager, James became extremely immersed in his little play and free booze and began to talk trash about the Americans. "O M G damn Rebels. We should really cancel them. They are like ew. And yes I do want a ninth glass of Madeira. For king and country!"

What James didn't know, was that the Dausenberries were secret Patriots and while James was carrying on with his little scene, not only they wished to punch him, but they took him as a prisoner.

The extremely drunk and boastful boi, was promptly taken to the local Patriots headquarters, where he must have been so confused. In his pocket they found a poem written by Culper Jr who wrote with the invisible ink between lines.

Obviously word reached Washington that a British spy called Townsend had been captured. And honestly I imagine Washington just face palming and cursing because who wouldn't?

At the end James was carried back home where he was probably scolded by Robert who was at the same time scolded by Washington.

One might imagine that Robert felt sorry but HAHAH No. Robert, after sending his teenaged and booze starved cousin on a random mission, was offended.

This is the entry that John Dausenberry wrote on his diary on the 23rd of March 1780

[James Townsend came to his house … last evening and appeared to be something in

liquor. The arrival, and appearance of said Townsend gave the family suspicion that he

was an unusual person, and to know the truth the family retired, leaving only the two

young women (daughters of the deponent’s uncle) who undertook to [illegible]

Townsend, pretending they were Friends to Britain &c.… [Deausenberry] heard the

young women examine Townsend, and heard Townsend tell them that he (Townsend)

was within two miles of New York City the day before yesterday, whither he went to

carry a quantity of stockings to his uncle, and brother, that he went down with an

intention to join the [British] army. But his uncle and brother advised him to return

immediately and collect as many others as possible, to go [to] the enemy, when they

came up the river, which they expected would be the latter part of the present week, or

the beginning of next.… That he (Townsend) has persuaded many a good fellow, and

sent them to join the enemy himself, and that he had very frequently in the course of

last summer been backwards and forwards to and from the enemy, had piloted several

companies to [British positions], and that he had carried in, and brought out, many

valuable articles, that he had been taken once by the Damn’d Rebels, and left him

confined and chained down flat upon his back, in the Provost three weeks … and finally

made his escape by breaking out—this and no more the Deponent heard, for his spirits

rose, he flew into the room upon Townsend, and took him prisoner.]

[thelomlisfictional]

A Peculiar Woman

(Sherlock Holmes/Female Reader)

POV Sherlock (probably OOC)

"What a peculiar woman, at least more puzzling than any open cases."

NOTE: Decided to post my AO3 stuff (account has the same username as my tumblr), I have a second part to this but I honestly like how vague this is. However, I also totally get the frustration when you love the concept of a oneshot that isn’t continued so I’m not opposed to writing more of this, lmk what y’all think :D

FUN FACTS (about me and this fic): Henry Cavill is like my original celebrity crush so even before he was in Enola Holmes I was picturing him as Sherlock, but this fic is set in modern times cause I overthink stuff. It was going to be in the Enola Holmes universe cause I just love the romance/courting aspect (diehard Jane Austen fan), but I realized that to do this fic justice I would need to study the 1800s and I simply don’t have that much time. Anyways… I hope you enjoy!!!

A woman dressed in business attire strode into the room, quite boldly stating, “My client didn’t do it.”

Interesting, I did not think this man, more adolescent, could afford a lawyer. Alas, she was right; her client hadn’t committed the robbery.

“Are you Mister Stonnes’s lawyer?” Lestrade did always have a knack for questioning the obvious.

If not purely by her announcement of him being her client, she was also clad in a seemingly unworn business skirt and matching blazer, typical of a lawyer. Her eyes were piercing, even with cheeks flushed from exertion, her skin appeared soft. Oddly enough, the only makeup she wore was lipstick. While nice looking in a sense, one would not expect her to be a lawyer. Yet, something in her eyes was akin to a predator circling its prey.

Regardless, how would she possibly know Stonnes was not the perpetrator? Scotland Yard had yet to unravel the not-so-intriguing mystery. By the coffee stain on his shirt and the ill-set photo of him and his girlfriend on his lock screen, Robert Stonnes was on a late-night coffee run with his mistress when the robbery occurred. It always is quite funny watching others try to catch on.

Instead of wasting her breath on his foolish question, she remarked, “Even a blind idiot would be able to see that Mister Stonnes was in Addington during the robbery.”

Sure enough, she presented a receipt from Cranesbury Cafe at the time of the robbery and a USB. Her pitiful client looked comically hopeful; how could Lestrade think Robert Stonnes, so daft he would be unable to think his way out of a paper bag, had committed the robbery? The lawyer ignored the distasteful glare from Donovan as she told Lestrade the contents of the USB, security footage from the very same cafe. I must admit I like her technique of insulting the police while also doing their job for them. A clever one she was, or perhaps comparatively less idiotic. Even so, how did she get the footage? Lestrade at least had enough of a brain to look embarrassed as she dropped the exonerating evidence on the table and directed her client to stand. The almost giddy look she sent Stonnes was strange, very unlike one an experienced lawyer would make. What a peculiar woman, at least more puzzling than any open cases.

“What did you say your name was again?” Perhaps John had heard of her; he was more genial than I. He would know of this exchange immediately; I am sure this is far more interesting than his lunch date anyways.

“I didn’t. Good day, Mr. Holmes.” What an outlandish answer! She is indeed strange. She quickly began walking away as her client signed the necessary paperwork. While my intrigue was increasing, my chance of solving her was decreasing.

Following her, I prodded, "Your lack of answer shows one of two things: you are either rude, which I do not take you to be; or, you have no interest in networking. In which case you are a successful lawyer, your mannerisms and unworn clothes disprove that theory, stupid and inexperienced, possible yet improbable, or, not who you say you are, evidenced by the haste at which you are leaving. So what are you hiding, Madam?"

Now outside the building, she stopped midstep and turned with a sickly-sweet smile plastered on her face, "The name is Y/N, it has been lovely meeting you. If you would like to contact me with any legal questions, here is my card." Her words were laced with venom as she handed the card over. With that, she began walking again.

The grey card was blank except for her name and number, written in small golden font.

[newtonsheffield]

Thank you for the wonderfully angst Benedict and Sophie headcanons you wrote! Perfection, as always.

I was wondering if you’ve done anything about the start of Bridgerton Wives Club and how they came up with their nicknames. Did Kate do them all when she made the shirts? Did they have a girls night and talk about them? Did they pick each other’s?? Did they base them off of comments their husbands have made?? I love BWC so much and I need all the headcanons

(Sorry if you’ve already written it and I’ve missed it!)

Hello! Hello! Hello Again!

Ahh the Bridgerton Wives Club. My proudest legacy. The BWC is a truly manic pool of energy capable of everything from drunken roller skating rink parties to charity fundraisers. And here’s how They started following the mention of them in the newspaper that named them as such!

Kate Bridgerton was certainly not as embarrassed as she should be about how long she spent on her iPad doodling away at a logo for the newly dubbed Bridgerton Wives club. Kate had seen the article dubbing them such, and found it truly hilarious. Maybe it was that she still got a secret thrill at seeing her name connected with Anthony’s family, as though she was truly part of it, maybe she enjoyed the comparison to The First Wives Club, or perhaps it was just that Maternity leave was driving her absolutely insane. She couldn’t be certain, but she could be certain that this was what she’d needed to do.

She’d spent a solid three days carefully designing the logo, another few days scouring the newspaper gossip columns for clever little comments about her and her sister in laws until she’d seen them. Lucy’s was the most obvious. She was described as Heiress Lucy Abernathy on almost every mention. Something that always had Lucy rolling her eyes. Penelope had been mentioned in a supposed war with Eloise Bridgerton (completely false) and the writer wondered if she’d choose the Pen or the sword in retribution. Kate, who had known Penelope since she was 19 knew that she would choose both. Sophie’s came not from a newspaper article but from drinks they’d had a few weeks ago when Kate had drunkenly spilled the beans about her and Anthony and an...encounter on the staircase. And Sophie poor, sweet Sophie, had turned fuchsia when she told her own story about getting caught with Benedict on the lawn of a bed and breakfast they’d been staying at. Sweet, but a little psycho. And Kate’s had naturally come by way of Anthony who had muttered several times about Generalissimo Bridgerton,

She’d spent another hour and a half screen printing the tshirts as her sister looked on as though she’d lost her mind. And honestly perhaps she had.

“Maternity leave has been very rough for you, hasn’t it Kate?” Edwina said a little primly as she bounced Edmund happily. Kate scoffed

“There’s no need to be jealous, Eddie.” Edwina had looked back at her as though she’d never been less jealous of anything in her life.

Anthony had given her an equally odd look when she’d unveiled them later that night.

“When did you even have time to do this? Are you not supposed to be looking after our Child while on maternity leave, Kate?” He’d said dryly though she could see him fighting a smile.

“Babies sleep a lot Anthony.” Kate said just as dryly, rolling her eyes at her husband. Anthony scoffed.

“You mean your sister was here today.”

“Edwina was here today yes, she’s a very supportive Aunt. The two are unrelated Anthony.” Kate scoffed with an air of finality gathering up her shirts and sweeping from the room leaving Anthony looking yes, a little adorable with Edmund on his lap whispering

“Mummy’s never going to get the other girls to wear those, Edmund.”

“You’ll see!” She called out from down the hall.

Even so, she was a little startled at the enthusiastic reception her idea received from the other members of the little club she was forcing into existence. Lucy had laughed brightly though her eyes had rolled when she saw the name printed across the back of hers

“My Uncle Robert’s going to love that.” She said, fiddling with the engagement ring on her left hand “Though it is nicer than the name he called me last night. Apparently I’m just Gregory’s tart now.” Kate had scoffed.

Penelope had smiled happily, already pulling the shirt over her head. But Sophie had stopped. Staring at the shirt, despondently. Concern had welled in Kate’s chest.

“Sophie, if it’s the nickname I can change it I just thought it was funny.” Kate said gently sitting down beside the woman who looked as though she was about to cry. Sophie took a deep breath.

“No it’s just... I’ve never really been part of a club before, even a stupid, kind of made up one like this.” She all bit whispered in disbelief . Kate felt tears prick at her eyes and had to clear her throat to dislodge the lump building there.

“Excuse you, the BWC is not made up. And we’re very glad to have you, now Penelope, get that blender ready, Lucy brought the good tequila and we’re celebrating.” Kate said firmly.

And she had to admit, when they showed up to Violet’s garden party a week later, Anthony’s look of annoyance was well worth her effort.

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

[soft-tiny-fox]

First dance

A violin started to play.

Fox was immediately captured by that sound. It was nostalgic, free and it seemed to put a soft blanket on her tired shoulders. They had had a long journey, only to arrive in Albion, only to discover that even in the famous library of Pendragon, nobody knew nothing about the magical boots they were searching. Maybe they should have returned in Lothringia, maybe in Gargantua’s library…

“Oh fuck…” Jacob had sat noisily next to her. In the process of lowering two mugs full of beer on the table he had dropped some of the liquid. Fox smiled effortlessly.

“So now I’m not too young to drink?”

“Shut up you clever girl, we’ve had a bad delusion today, haven’t we?”

“Yes, I think, but…”

“And I don’t even know how old you are! I always thought you were a little innocent girl, in disguise as a Fox, but over the last three times you have chosen the human form you have…” Jacob strangely stopped talking. What had Fox become? Beautiful? Oh, she hated that stupid human heart, so keen to love…

“You have grown at least 8 inches, and…- Jacob smirked- I think every man in the inn is dying from the desire to invite you to dance…”

Fox blushed, but hided it behind a great sip of beer. It wasn’t too bad…

“And don’t you want to save me from these gentlemen?” She asked. Jacob looked at her, but not as she wanted… Oh stop it, Celeste, what do you want to do? Do you want to finish the night in his bed like all the beautiful and stupid girls of Vena? She feared the answer, but Jacob kept looking at her as a little sister a bit dumb. Then smiled.

“And how could I do that? And deprive them of that great honour of…”

“I’ve always been seven years younger than you”

“WHAT?! Are you seriously only sixteen? Oh, you should wear less that magnificent fur, you know? It steals so much of your precious time and…”

“Stop it, idiot”

“So, you where twelve? When I found you…”

“Yes”

“When is your birthday?”

“Oh, I don’t know, why?”

“This is my gift, in any case, do you wanna dance?”

“Shhhh idiot, wanna?”

“Oh dang, want to. Do you want to dance?”

“What?”

“With me! I assure you I am a great dancer; some girls would say sublime…”

“Shut up”

“Oh, is it a no?”

“I…no, it’s a yes, but… I don’t know the moves and…” But Jacob wasn’t listening, he had already taken her hand.

Within minutes the two of them were in the middle of the space left free for the dancers. Jacob smiled and put his hands on Fox’s hips, only to pull her closer. “You know, you have to put your hands on my shoulders, right?”

The sound of his voice saved her. She had forgotten how to move, how to breathe…but she had to do something, and she followed his instructions. He started to move, to spin around; everybody else was dancing differently, bouncing up and down, only brushing the hand of their partner.

“I think this…dance is normal only in your world…”

“Ohhh, we’re attracting every eye in the room, aren’t we?” Honestly, fuck you Jacob, I love you… But before the idea of leaning out and posing a kiss on his perfect lips could fully form in Fox’s mind, he had stepped away, starting to whirl and dance normally. Like everybody else.

Fox didn’t permit to the delusion to flow her. It was greater than discovering that they had voyaged for nothing. She obliged herself to breathe and smile lightly, while gracefully touching Jacob’s hand in the air and spinning on her tiptoes with him. At least they were still dancing right?

Right

A scream scratched the air and Jacob violently stopped their dance. Some idiots had started a fire. The smell was that… and then Fox saw them, two boys trying to set fire on the tail of a fir darring. She took a moment to recognise him, he was a professor at Pendragon and… Jacob had vanished from her side.

That nigh they started their long friendship whit Robert Dunbar, who helped them with numerous difficult searches.

That night they stopped dancing, and Fox’s longing for Jacob hands to touch her as that time had to wait, had time to grow and submerged her, before there was another occasion to dance. It would have been in Moskva and… yeah, it didn’t go as she had hoped even that time, but life is long and full of surprises, isn’t it?

(PS: this is the first time I write a story in English, and I’m not a native english speaker, so i hope it isn’t awful...)

[fandom-puff]

I feel like Cersei is one of the most intelligent characters in GoT. Her strategy sense is- wow. She knows how to use her mind and body to reach her goal and get everything she wants. She might be evil but damn- I was wondering what you think 'bout her?

Also, congrats of 5,000 followers, you deserve it!

Thank you!

And Cersei is an interesting one I think.

I honestly don’t think she’s that intelligent. After season 2, especially when she is surrounded by other characters with superior intelligence (Tywin, Tyrion, Margaery, Olenna, Petyr etc).

As Tywin says, ‘I don’t distrust you because you’re a woman. I distrust you because you are not nearly as clever as you think you are’

I think this is best shown in Tywin’s first small council meeting- she carries her chair over next to Tywin because she thinks she is his equal in power and intelligence- Tywin has seated her and the rest of the council away from him. Tyrion, however, drags his chair to the opposite side of the table. Out of the three Lannister siblings, Tyrion is the most intelligent, the equal to tywin, as much as he would hate to admit it.

The way I see it is that each of Tywin’s children inherit something from him: Jaime inherits his bravery (and perhaps a bit of heart- Tywin loved his wife;Jaime has shown love and loyalty for others outside of the Lannister clan); Tyrion inherits his intelligence, his wit, his quick-thinking (and Tywin hates him for it- as Tyrion says, all dwarves are bastards in their father’s eyes); that leaves Cersei with her hunger for power.

Yes she schemes, she is conniving, she can be clever, but she is not intelligent. Take her relationship with her children; she hates, hates that Margaery can manipulate Joffrey, yet she cannot do it herself as Tywin so helpfully points out for her. In the end, Cersei is the reason her last child, Tommen, died (in the show at least, I’m not sure if that happens in the books yet).

I think the prophecy plays a big role as well (you know the whole ‘you’ll be a queen for a time’ one). Oftentimes, it renders her utterly blind. The Tyrells would’ve been a valuable ally in the long run given their intelligence, wealth and the prosperity of the Reach, yet she is so blindsighted by being swept aside by the court, her children, her allies in favour of Margaery.

So in earlier seasons I think she was rather intelligent (but then again Robert Baratheon had next to no involvement in politics) but she lost her grip and her power started to slip and she made rather stupid decisions for short term power, when she could’ve done with allies like Margaery, Tyrion, Varys, Baelish etc

[ajokeformur-ray]

ok so for the match up thing!! name is loren, im 20, a 5'2 tiny goth kiddo who looks always grumpy and has a dark sense of humor i guess. i study philosophy and i write for a theatre company because i don't have the guts to act!! im,,, a shy mess. never dated before although i had some casual sex but really it felt so empty that i choice not to have it anymore unless im in love honestly. i own a typewriter! and im always dancing in my room because it feels good and it helps me when im manic!

also I have BPD and I cling too much to people, like really depending by em if they’re my fave at the moment and im very jealous and have anger issues but I try my best to be nice or polite at least!! i love cats, snakes and ravens. i love cozy days when you do nothing at all except for laying under a blanket and watch the rain or little things like this! i like to cook and being Italian, i can cook very well. i have glasses but i hate how I do look with em so I don’t ever wear em.

i love arthur fleck so fucking much i literally would die for him because he needs to be spoiled and cuddled and just thinking about him makes me cry so loud- but i love the joker as well, of course, being the smug bastard he is!! and daydreaming about him helps me going through the day which it’s not always so easy because sometimes it’s just too much, you know

ohhhh I forgot I wear a shit load of make up like literally I look like Robert Smith most of the time and I don’t give a fuck about people opinions ai literally go to lessons dressed like a gothic doll most of the time

i’m also a night owl

Arthur Fleck (I know he’s angry in this GIF but fuck he’s hot)

word count: 1, 131

We don’t know Arthur’s real age, but Joaquin (the gorgeous man that he is) is 44, so let’s assume the same for Arthur for a touch of realism, shall we? That being said, this means that Arthur would be so hesitant to even talk to you because of your age. You see him staring, though, you see him following you sometimes wearing that thin yellow hoodie he seems to love, and so you decide to approach him. He’s instantly smitten.

You have a dark sense of humour and so does Arthur, so this is perfect for his ego. His comedy is a sore spot, it always has been, because no one supports this precious boi in anything he does and it’s really fucking sad. When he cracks a really dry, deadpan and dark joke and you burst out laughing, love just blooms in his chest and he falls in love with you a little more. How are you real? He’s convinced you’re a delusion he’s concocted sometimes, but he dares not question it. Anything is better than the truth. Anything.

You study philosophy, so your intellect is definitely above Arthur’s. His handwriting is really bad (in the cutest way? Imagine handwritten letters from him that are filled with smiley faces and words scribbled out like 1000000 times because he can’t spell it right until he gives up and uses a word he does know how to spell) and because of how impoverished he is, that suggests that he’s uneducated. As such, when you write an essay or an assignment or you complete some other work, he’d want to read it but he wouldn’t really understand some of the more technical stuff. He’s not at all stupid, he’s very clever, and I think sometimes he’d ask you a question late at night about the thing you’re studying just so he can go to sleep to the sound of your voice. With his weary head cushioned on your chest, your heartbeat in his ear, your voice and your hands in his hair, he’d be asleep in no time.

I feel like Arthur would really love the fact that you’re shy because that means it’s easier for him to assume the protective role? So, like, he’d find your shyness frankly adorable and if you ever got shy over him then it just becomes a circle of shyness before Arthur bursts out into uncontrollable laughter and you have to comfort him through a fit. Just squeeze his hand, patiently wait it out, and reap the rewards when he can breathe again and his lips are on yours as a thank you.

You love to dance and this… Oh, this is a quintessential part of your whole relationship. When it’s late at night and Arthur is listening to music on the radio, he’d approach you, his body already swaying to the beat, and his hands would find your hips and he’d dance with you, doing that really fucking attractive shoulder thing he does. It ends up with the two of you in the bedroom doing a different kind of dance, if you get my meaning ;) Arthur understands how simple things can help you when you’re feeling a certain way, so when you’re feeling manic it’s almost 1000% guaranteed that he’ll just start dancing with you until you’re so tired you don’t want to do anything anymore.

You have BPD and you cling to people, which would actually really reassure our boi. He would need near constant reassurance that you’re real, that you love him, that he’s not hallucinating your entire fucking existence, that you’re not going to leave etc, etc. In return for all the coddling you (gladly) give him, he would do anything for you. And I mean anything ;) he would let you cling to him in any meaning - physically, mentally, emotionally. Anything. “You’re my Loren, it’s my job to take care of you.” and he’d do it so well you’d be ruined for anyone else in your life. Ever. He’s a jealous boi and though he’d take you at your word, if someone wasn’t getting the memo he’d have to step in. 

You both adore and live for cozy days inside his apartment. He has a special blanket that he likes to curl up under with you. It smells like the two of you and when either of you are missing the other because of work, studying or whatever else, then you huddle under it until the other returns. You can cook well, which is perfect because the best Arthur can do is really cheap microwave meals. He’s worryingly thin, not only because of the seven medicines he’s on but also because he just can’t afford to eat. It’d be really hard for him to even put any weight on, but at least you keep him regularly fed.

When you told Arthur that you would actually die for him and that you love him so much it just makes you cry sometimes, he’d be astounded. He’d just sit there, blinking for a few tense seconds before his throat rips with loud, intrusive laughter which is so hard and so uncontrollable that he can taste blood in the back of his throat. You’d hold him, love him, support him and cherish him and that right there means that he’s never going to leave you. Not ever. Sex with him reflects this. He’s so gentle, so tender and so loving that it makes your heart bleed. It’s not uncommon for one or both of you to actually cry during sex because you’re just so, so in love with each other that it hurts in the sweetest, most precious way.

You know who you are and you know what you want and you don’t give a fuck what people think about you. You wear what you want when you want and that’s such a fucking mood and Arthur would be so proud of you and he’d totally offer to do your makeup for you using his own work supplies! He’d be so careful and he’d giggle against the way your nose wrinkles when he’s a bit too careful with his brush and he’d want to kiss you again and again, ruining your makeup purposefully so he can stay closer to you for just a little longer and…. oh, I’m actually gonna cry writing this wow… (spoiler: I did.)

In the grand conclusion because wow I’ve rambled: you and Arthur have the sweetest, most precious relationship. It’s full of love. There are definite challenges, there are some arguments because things just get too much for the both of you sometimes and sometimes there’s more taking than giving on either side because that’s how it can be, but you never leave each other. Never, never, never.

Joker (fun fact when this part showed in the cinema I was with my mum and i legit went “Oh, fuck me” as in I properly moaned AND SHE HEARD ME. two weeks later and she still hasn’t said anything but I know she heard me)

word count: 1, 522

Whereas Arthur struggled to even think of talking to you because of the huge age gap, Joker really isn’t all that bothered. You’re a fully consenting adult who knows her own mind, so what’s the harm, right? So long as you’re both happy and comfortable with each other, he couldn’t care less. That being said, you’re 5′2 and Joker is 5′8 so there’d be some height teasing going on. He would put things up on a higher shelf in the kitchen just so he can come up behind you and ‘accidentally’ (on purpose) press his crotch up and into your bottom as he retrieves the item you’re after with a cocky grin on his face and fire in his eyes. Sexual teasing is a very normal part of your relationship and it’s a serious warning sign that he is not okay if he doesn’t do anything like that towards you all day. 

You have a dark sense of humour and you look grumpy a lot of the time, which means that, often, Joker will practically bounce up to you and use his index fingers to make you smile. It wouldn’t take long for you to actually smile from his actions, though, and that’s exactly why he does everything that he does; because he knows you can’t resist him, the smug bastard. Oh, but you love him, and he know the depth of your love for him. He’s so very honoured by it, though his way of showing it is sometimes to murder someone who irritated you last Thursday and not ever telling you about it. He’s a strange one, but he’s so free that you find yourself not minding. Just so long as he’s happy; when Joker is down, it means that something is hugely wrong and it reminds you so badly of Arthur that it hurts and you might have to crack out some of his own jokes just to cheer him up. For example, if you handed him an actual human heart and said, “I love you, Joker”, he’d burst out into loud and genuine laughter and would end up smudging his makeup from kissing you so soundly. Isn’t he gorgeous?

Joker isn’t political, religious, or anything of the sort. He tells you and others that he doesn’t believe in anything. But there’s one thing he believes in. Just one. It’s the love you have for each other that he vehemently believes in. if anyone even dared to suggest that your love isn’t as strong as you say - she’s just scared of being killed, that’s why she’s with him, or what a freak! How can she stand to kiss him? - then he’d go fucking apeshit. The last person he overheard doubting your love for him ended up swallowing several bullets in quick succession. Overkill? Perhaps, but he doesn’t care. No one gets to doubt your love for each other, not even yourselves. He’d be very supportive of your studies and I have no doubt that, if you ever got a shaky grade, it’d be changed very quickly by a shaking tutor who can’t quite look you in the eye. The smiley face on the whiteboard which looks like a child did it clues you in hugely, though. His actions are wrong but it comes from a very heavily guarded heart of gold.

Where Arthur finds your shyness cute and he would immediately adopt Protective Mode™, Joker would just relentlessly tease you just to see how deep your blush goes. “That’s an interesting shade of red, Loren. Where have I seen it before? Ah, yes…” *Twirls and fingers the hem of his red tuxedo* Be warned, though… Only Joker gets to tease you about being shy. If anyone else dared to tease you for being shy or for stuttering or for tripping over your words and oh god shut up, he’d rip them a new one. Only he gets to tease you. He does, sometimes, wind you up on purpose, just to see how far he can push you before you snap and want to punch something. He finds it incredibly amusing. Deep down, though, he’d be just as protective as Arthur and would find himself doing things for you that you’re too shy to do; in whatever means you need! ;)

You dance because it helps you when you’re manic but also because you enjoy it. Just like with Arthur, this is absolutely essential in your relationship with Joker. A lot of the time when you’re dancing, he’d step in flawlessly and you’d start dancing together like Fred and Ginger, with him dipping you, spinning you around, lifting you up with surprising strength, and it’s one of his favourite ways (other than makeup sex) to apologise to you. “Dance with me.” Immediately would his hands grab you, spinning you, his intense green eyes never leaving yours, that damned smirk on his lips as he sees that blush rising on your face… Again, like with Arthur, you do several modes of dancing together; some are more preferable to others!

When you’re out and about together in public, you’re basically glued together. Your hands are held so tightly by the other that you’re not sure whose hands is whose and, are your fingers getting a bit numb? Both of you have jealousy and anger issues for slightly different reasons; Joker because it’s borne from a place of deeply set abuse and abandonment issues, and you have your own reasons that he may or may not know about. He finds it baffling that you get jealous over him, though. So many of Arthur’s neuroses still live on in Joker, despite his bravado. You try to be polite, but Joker makes no such efforts; he will destroy someone for even glancing at you in the street. 

You both live for cosy days. These are the days during which Joker will relax his persona. He will cuddle with you, watching shows on TV, his fingers grazing along the underside of your breasts or even dipping under your underwear. You can arch your hips into his touch all you want, he’s not gonna give you what you want unless you’re patient. He loves foreplay more than the act itself; to him, anticipation heightens everything deliciously. You cook very well, and Joker would love to watch you cook. He enjoys the heat you summon into the bedroom, and he loves bending you over the counter, sweeping the dirty plates into the sink with a noisy crash (and you have to buy new plates at least once a week), and fucking you until you’re only upright  because of his arm wound tightly around your waist.

You once told Joker that you often think of him when you’re not with him, just because he offers you comfort and support from wherever he is. Just knowing he’s somewhere in Gotham wreaking havoc or even waiting for you to get home makes you feel like you can conquer the fucking world, and he was flattered. He did get a little upset, though, when you confessed that you would actually die for him if you had to. He kills for you, and sometimes because of you without a thought, but turning that idea around onto you makes him feel hot in all the wrong ways. I actually think Joker would crawl into your arms that night, needing to feel that you were there, and real, and even now he’s wondering how you could possibly love him knowing all that he has done and will continue to do. He would make you promise to never keep your word on this topic, because no one is gonna be dying in this relationship. You and him are forever a ride or die. For better or for worse.

You stand together at the bathroom sink putting your faces on. Your shoulders are touching, which means sometimes your elbows bump into each other and one of you makes a mistake with the makeup. “Oh, would you look at that? My makeup’s ruined,” Joker would hum, “what are you going to do about it, darling?” There’s only one answer to this, and it’s the two of you kissing each other so passionately that you have to wash your faces off and start again. Who knows, maybe you don’t get to leave the bathroom that day. Makeup is one of the biggest expenditures in your small household, even with Joker knowing where to go to get the good stuff.

In conclusion: dating Joker would be so very different to dating Arthur, but there is love, compassion, trust, adoration, so much sex you’re surprised you can still walk most mornings (he can and will go multiple rounds with you in a day; he’s a horny fucker, is our Joker), and there are definitely more emotional challenges than there are any other, but you’ve learned to stick it out with him over the years, You’d never leave him for any reason, even if he murdered everyone in Gotham (and a lot of the time he’s sorely tempted to burn the city to the ground and start all over again).

[dannymillerfansite]

EMMERDALE SPOILERS: AARON’S HEARTBROKEN SAYS ACTOR DANNY MILLER

Aaron Dingle takes on ‘cousin’ Mandy when she takes advantage of  the Dingle clan. With Robron coming to an emotional end, Emmerdale actor Danny Miller talks about his new feud and filming Robron’s final scenes…

You’d think with all the turmoil going on in Robron’s lives at the moment the last thing Aaron Dingle would want to do is get embroiled in someone else’s drama – think again! His new nemesis is none other than Mandy Dingle!

Since arriving back in the village, Mandy has been sponging off Aaron’s nearest and dearest – Chas and Paddy, Marlon and Uncle Zak. But when Chas discovers a bag full of stolen casino chips, Aaron steps in. Actor Danny Miller explains more…

“Aaron takes an instant disliking to Mandy when she comes back,” Danny says. “When he finds out from Chas that she’s nicked this bag of casino chips, he wants to knock her down a peg or two, because she’s been asking Paddy, Marlon and Zak for money and the whole time, she has this money in her pocket. Aaron decides to give her a taste of her own medicine, taking the chips off her and takes them to a friend who works in a casino to cash in the chips.”

“Aaron is trying to have as much as fun as he can with Robert. They enjoy having some money in their pocket, especially as they don’t have long left together…”

Given the troubled times ahead for Aaron and Robert, could Aaron be adding to their worries by making an enemy of Mandy. Will she break the Dingle code and retaliate?

“Aaron doesn’t really care that Mandy is experienced in these kind of situation, or if she knows the right people in these situations,” adds Danny. “If anything he’s testing how far he can push her. He doesn’t like his family being mugged off and for that reason he decides to teach her a lesson.

“The pub is closed so Chas is struggling for money, Zak needs a few quid, so in his head the logic is he’s going to nick it, give Mandy a share, pay everyone else in the family, and keep some for him and Robert. He knows she can’t go to the police about it because she’d be dobbing herself in.”

Meeting at the scrapyard, Aaron gives Mandy a dressing down for how she’s treated the family. When he reveals that he’s taking a commission, Mandy goes berserk. A heated argument leads to Aaron ‘accidentally’ dropping the bag of money into the fire pit. Mandy and Vinny are distraught, but is all as it seems? Who has Mandy stolen the money from and will that in turn bring trouble to the Dingle’s door?

“As you can imagine £18,000 cash going in the fire, nobody is going to be best pleased,” quips Danny. “But she’s fuming because she needs the money for something unbeknown to Aaron.

“Aaron just thinks she’s ripping off his family, even though she is family, and he wants to knock her down a peg or two. You can’t come back to the village and think you run this family. he really gives it to her.

“As far as the Dingles are concerned its just the casino that’s out of pocket – but then again I don’t know who owns the casino…”

For Danny, this is the first time he’s got to work with Lisa Riley, who plays Mandy and it seems the two have plenty in common.

“She’s brilliant,” he enthuses. “Someone said she’s the female version of Danny Miller. We got off on the right foot from the start and it bodes well for the future because I love working with her and her character. Aaron and Mandy seem to play off each other really well. I’m a big fan of Lisa’s. Thought she was brilliant in Three Girls and when I went over to Scott and Bailey, the production team sent me her episode to get a feel for the show, and she was brilliant in that.

“I feel very blessed I get to work with Lisa Riley. Her enthusiasm and joy for the job is amazing. I can’t believe I’m getting to work with her. She won’t thank me for saying this but I used to watch her as a kid on You’ve Been Framed, and now we’re actually friends!”

With Robert Sugden’s departure hurtling towards us and the end of the #Robron era, does this mean we’ll see more of Aaron with other members of the Dingle clan?

“Definitely,” Danny exclaims. “Often, because of Robert and Aaron’s partnership, they seem to be inseparable on screen and in their stories which is great for me and Ryan, but we also like to spread your wings and do other things and have our own sense of individuality on the show. I don’t know what’s coming up for the Dingles but I’ll be back working with Jeff Hordley again. Cain and Aaron have always worked really well together, there’s a hidden love there for each other, so working with Jeff again will be incredible. I’m looking forward to him having a bit of rebellion and seeing how Aaron’s life unfold a bit now that he’s lost his one true love.

So how is Aaron feeling in general with Robert’s potential prison sentence looming? Is he is as worst state as the Robron fans?

“He’s heartbroken,” Danny sympathises. “He knows the core of his family will just be ripped away from him. It’s almost inevitable that Robert’s going to prison but we don’t know how long it will be for at this point. He knows he’s going to lose the love of his life but he’s also going to lose him to the worse possible way, which is behind bars.

“Aaron’s been there and done that and we all saw how terribly wrong that went, the mistakes that he made and the impact it had on his family. He’s worried Robert may go down that same route and what it might mean for the relationship. Does he wait for Robert; does Robert wait for him. He’s confused and desperate to cling on to as much love and happiness as he can whilst he’s here.

“In a nutshell, he’s utterly devastated but he’s putting on the bravest of faces to try and not show Robert he’s going to struggle while he’s inside. He’s grabbing every minute with Robert while he can.”

The Robron fandom is a powerful force, with many friendships formed, fundraising for charity, brilliant fan art, fan fiction, etc so the news of the end of an era was always going to be hard. So what’s Danny made of the fan reaction since Ryan’s departure was announced?

“I’d honestly say that for the first time, it’s split down the middle 50/50,” Danny says. “People are angry and upset that the couple are coming to an end and they don’t understand that it’s a decision that every actor should take at some point – to go out there and spread their wings and unfortunately with that you lose the character. And then other people are excited to see what Ryan gets up to and thanking the couple for the stories they’ve told over the past four or five years. That’s the most important thing to the fans, the representation of the couple and the representation of them being two best mates who just happen to be madly in love with each other. As the old saying goes ‘love is love’ and it doesn’t matter who it is with.

“They’ve had some great stories together – breaking up, getting back together, doing stupid things, one night stands, and all that kind of stuff and I think people will miss that and I’ll miss that because I’m also losing a friend as well as my co-star. It’s quite a sad time really but I’m excited for Ryan. I think he’ll do really well and he might be back in a couple of years or that might be it for Ryan at Emmerdale and he’ll go off and do amazing things. Time will tell but all we can do now is tell a story to the best of our abilities to keep a little bit of a surprise even though people know he’s leaving.

Most fans are already dreading the inevitable final scene but imagine being Ryan and Danny! Will those final Robron scenes be weird to film?

“We’ve done a lot of the goodbye, upset ones, and there was real raw emotion in there for both Ryan and myself,” admits Danny. “There was a very emotional scene when I speak to him for the first time when he’s in prison, and at that point I realised it was real and this is actually happening and there were some genuine tears. We’ve been very close Ryan and I over the past four years. It won’t be the same without him but the show goes on and we’ll have to wait and see what happens to Aaron…

After losing Kelvin Fletcher (Andy Sugden), Adam Thomas (Adam Barton), and now Ryan Hawley, Danny’s yet to find a new bromance but its his on-screen sister who he is closest to now.

He explains: “I’m very close to Isobel Steele (Liv Flaherty) and her family and vice versa. I’m often round at her house, we’ve got a really solid friendship there.

When I saw Isobel in the audition I instantly knew she’s going to be a superstar, and we need her, we have to have her here before she gets older and goes off to do more amazing things. Kate Oates, then producer, was in total agreement. Kate said: ‘You need to guide Isobel in the right way and help her out.’ But, I would never tell her what to do but just say this is my advice from my experience and this is what I did wrong. This girl’s got the head and shoulders of an older woman, she’s very clever and talented. All I ever wanted to do is push her on and give her the confidence to express herself and show how good she really is. Now, she’s not afraid to suggest extra little lines or ways to develop a scene. If I’ve had anything to do with it I’m very proud of her, but she’s done it herself, she’s very switched on.

“Also, Lucy Pargeter and Dominic Brunt are my go-to’s – Jeff Hordley and Mark Charnock as well. Those I work the most and closest with. I came in to Emmerdale when I was a kid and every one of them looked after me and mentored and nurtured me in to the business and in to the job. I can’t thank them enough for it.”

Interview by  The Emmerdaily

[shireness-says]

Ear-resistible

Summary: Emma may be out the night before Easter as a favor to Mary Margaret, but she didn't expect to see Killian Jones in the center of town. After midnight. In a rabbit suit. Rated T for language. ~2.5K. Also on Ao3.

A/N: Happy Easter to those who celebrate it! Yes, this is going up a little early, but I’ll be busy tomorrow and the events of the fic happen the night before anyways. It’s a good enough excuse. Loosely based on an episode of the mid-90s BBC comedy “The Vicar of Dibley”, which I watched an inexplicable amount of as a kid for someone born after it premiered in the United States. It’s still funny.

Thanks to @snidgetsafan for her beta-ing and half the puns. She’s the best.

Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Storybrooke, Maine has always been a little too good to be true.

After all, there isn’t really a place with an annual candle-based festival, or one where an entire town takes a lonely orphan girl under their collective wing, or one with a massive town-wide Easter egg hunt. It’s absurd. That place can’t exist.

And yet, somehow, Storybrooke does.

Emma Swan even knows the person who dresses as the Easter Bunny every year (because that’s exactly the kind of town Storybrooke is) - a lovely young lady named Mary Margaret Nolan, local fifth grade teacher and daughter of the late Leo Blanchard, the former mayor who’d originated this tradition in the first place. Mary Margaret continuing her father’s legacy, rabbit costume and all, is the least shocking of all of this - something about continuity and family tradition and other sentiments that belong in a friggin’ Hallmark movie. After all, this is Storybrooke, the only town in the world where all of this seems natural.

Mary Margaret Nolan also happens to be Emma Swan’s best friend, which is how she gets pulled into this whole mess in the first place.

“I don’t know what happened, but I’ve caught some sort of stomach bug,” she’d explained to Emma over the phone. She’d certainly sounded miserable, her voice echoing around the bathroom where undoubtedly she’d still been camped. That’s probably why Emma had agreed when Mary Margaret had begged Emma to do her a huge favor.

Unfortunately, that favor had been to dress up as the goddamn Easter Bunny to hide eggs around town.

(Personally, Emma thinks insisting she wear a costume is stupid, but Mary Margaret had been insistent.

“What if one of the kids sees you?” she’d asked, like there’d actually be school kids peeking out their windows at half past midnight. Lucky for Mary Margaret, one of the few guilt trips that still works on Emma is the prospect of disappointed kids.)

She feels ridiculous, honestly. Blatantly ridiculous. If Mary Margaret has a bug, there’s no way Emma is putting on her rabbit suit, so Emma had taken things into her own hands. Rabbit footie pajamas complete with fluffy tail and some ears on a headband is close enough, right? Especially since she’s painted whiskers and teeth on her face? Mary Margaret’s very fancy and expensive rabbit suit doubtless wouldn’t have fit anyways, since Emma is a good several inches taller. Hey, if she has to do this insane thing, at least she’s going to be comfortable.

Hiding eggs is kinda fun, Emma has to admit. It’s a bit of fun she never really got as a kid, only seeing it on TV and wishing she could do that too. She’d already been 15 by the time the Nolans had taken her in, eventually for good, and Emma had already been too old and full of teenage attitude to take part in the hunt herself, even if the residents of Storybrooke - who adopted her nearly as much as Ruth and Robert and David had - doubtless would have cheered her on if she had. It’s fun, finding clever little places to stash eggs for the older kids and easier spots that will make the littler ones feel clever, all the while hearing the rattle of coins and candy inside the plastic.

Sure, there’s a few eggs in spots Emma doesn’t remember leaving anything, but it’s half past midnight. It’s easy enough to write that off as tiredness and simple forgetfulness. Since the eggs are fake, Emma doesn’t need to keep a map of where she hides things for later. She’s the only one out doing this, anyways, and the eggs don’t look like they’ve been left outside for a year; there’s no reason to think she’s not the one who hid them.

That makes it all the more shocking to look across the town square and see another figure in full rabbit costume with a wagon full of eggs.

“What the…” she mutters, squinting as if it could somehow make the sight make sense.

Meanwhile, the other rabbit takes off their head piece - one of those massive mascot-type deals. “Swan?” they call in an accented male voice, before moving closer into her clear line of sight.

Oh shit. She knows exactly who it is: Killian Jones, local bartender and object of her lust (and possible love). And the last person Emma wants to see facing her in a rabbit suit.

Emma not wanting to see Jones has nothing to do with her own feelings; she’s willing to admit, at least to herself, that she likes Jones one hell of a lot, likes his smile and his sense of humor and that delicious accent that sends shivers chasing down her spine, even if all three are usually directed at other people. There’s been an attraction, at least on her part, ever since he moved to Storybrooke almost two and a half years ago now. No, the problem is that Jones doesn’t like her, and Emma can’t figure out why.

She’d thought it was some kind of jealousy at first, what with the way she catches him glaring whenever she interacts with other men in the bar, but it’s more than that. If she leans over the bar to try and talk to him over the noise, he groans. If they see each other in public, he offers only the briefest pleasantries before heading in the opposite direction as quickly as possible. Honestly, he seems disdainful of everything about her. The heart wants what the heart wants, though, and Emma’s never been able to quash her attraction to Killian Jones, God help her.

“What are you doing here, lass?” he asks as he approaches until he’s close enough for Emma to reach out and touch his mascot suit if she wanted too. Did Storybrooke High change its team from the Knights to the… Demon Rabbits or something? She doesn’t follow high school sports close enough to remember; all she knows is that the enormous rabbit head under Killian’s arm is freaking her out with its dead eyes and cartoonish teeth.

“What do you think I’m doing out here?” Emma shoots back, probably harsher than is needed in the situation. Maybe this is why she’s still single. “I’m hiding Easter eggs. Jesus Christ, where did you get that awful costume?”

“No,” he replies slowly, gesturing towards his ridiculous wagon. “I’m the one hiding Easter eggs. And technically, Swan, it’s already Easter, it seems pretty bold to be taking the Lord’s name in vain on Easter. But, for the record, Belle lent it to me from the drama department. The high school put on a production of Harvey last year, don’t you remember?”

“Shut up,” she mumbles. The know-it-all attitude definitely isn’t helping any of this… even if Emma hadn’t remembered that play. Musical? Whatever. “Okay, well, I don’t know why you’d be hiding eggs still, because Mary Margaret asked me to take over since she’s sick.” Emma’s getting a bit defensive about this, but she can’t actually bring herself to care.

“And David asked me for the same reason. I don’t know why you’re arguing with me about this, Swan.”

“Because you’re not supposed to be here!” she all but explodes, before reigning her emotions back in. It’s just a weird misunderstanding; there’s no reason to get mad at Killian for something that’s not his fault. Probably. “Look, just… I don’t want to be in your way, just as much as you don’t want me in your way, so you take the North end and I’ll hide stuff on the South end. Everything gets covered and you won’t have to deal with me. Fine by you?”

“That seems a bit harsh,” Killian mumbles back. Notably, he doesn’t answer her question, which Emma tries not to be pissed about. God, this man some days.

“What, the divide and conquer plan? Not sure what you’d find harsh about that.”

“No, the part where you seem to think I’m bothered by you.”

“Look, you don’t have to pretend, Killian. I know you don’t like me, and it’s fine, I’m a big girl, we’ll just stay out of each other’s hair —”

“What makes you think I don’t like you?” To his credit, Killian does look genuinely confused. That almost pisses Emma off more - this who, me? act that he’s apparently decided to put on.

“Oh please. I’d have to be blind not to see the glares and hear the groans and whatever. I’m not an idiot, I can put two and two together.”

“It’s not what you think,” Killian argues - weakly, in Emma’s opinion - turning red to his very ears.

“You go out of your way to avoid me,” she deadpans.

“Yeah, but it’s not because I don’t like you, it’s because…” Killian trails off for a moment, before muttering something unintelligible.

“I didn’t understand a single word of that,” Emma comments dryly, crossing her arms. “Try again.”

Killian sighs heavily. “Look, I really like you, alright?”

“No you don’t.” It’s a stupid thing to say, considering that he literally just told her so (and turned adorably red doing it), but it’s Emma’s knee-jerk reaction. There’s no way, right?

He scratches behind his ear - a sign Emma’s learned means he’s uncomfortable or embarrassed. Could he actually be serious? “Aye, I really do. Veering rather alarmingly towards the territory of “smitten”, if I’m quite honest.”

“But you’re always so... disapproving,” she tries to reason. “If you like me so much, why all the glaring and the groaning?”

“When do I groan?”

“Usually when I’m leaning against the bar, though I can probably come up with other examples.”

Killian laughs. It’s very much unexpected. “You’d groan too, Swan, if a lady you fancied had a habit of leaning down right in front of you and perfectly displaying all her lovely undergarments. I’m just a man, love, and that lacy black number does things to me.”

Oh. Oh. Well, she supposes that makes enough sense. Still… “Well, what about everything else? You go out of your way to avoid me, don’t pretend you don’t.”

He sighs again, a frustrated sound this time. Maybe a little sad too. “I know it doesn’t make much sense. And believe me, it wasn’t at all for lack of want. But you’re my best friend’s little sister,” he shrugs. “David can be protective, not that I blame him. I’m sure I’d be the same if I had a younger sister. But the fact remains that I’m not too keen on him cutting my balls off over this, especially since it’s so one-sided.”

That gives Emma pause for a moment. “Wait, one-sided?” she demands. “Is that what you think this is?”

“Aye,” he says, hanging his head. Rejection tinges his tone - needlessly, really, but he’s not picking up one her cues in the least. “Which is fine, Swan, I’m a grown lad and my feelings are my own. I’m not asking… that is, I’d never assume you felt the same, and nothing needs to change —”

“Whoa, hold on, that’s not —” Emma cuts herself off to collect her own thoughts, running her hands along her scalp in an anxious gesture. It’s been an absolute 180 in the past few minutes where her perception of their relationship is concerned, and she feels the need to take a few moments to try and recenter herself, collect her bearings. “Fuck,” she grumbles, “this is not how I imagined this going at all.”

“How you imagined what, love?” Confusion still colors his face; that just won’t do. She’s making a total hash of this - though she’d argue that that’s kind of on him as well - but maybe there’s still a way to redeem it. It’s about the destination, not the journey, right?

(She’s pretty sure that’s not how the saying goes, but she also doesn’t care anymore.)

So she kisses him, reaches across and hauls Killian down to meet her mouth by the front of the ridiculous vest his stupid rabbit costume is wearing. It’s the only redeeming factor of the whole thing, allowing her some form of leverage.

The kiss isn’t a gentle thing. Somehow, in her mind, Emma always imagined sweeping instrumentals as her and Killian’s lips brushed, hands stealing tentatively into hair and across cheeks. This is… not that. There’s a lot of tongue and a bit of teeth (mostly on her part) and honestly, the word she’s looking for to describe this is probably closest to devour. After waiting so goddamn long there just doesn’t seem to be a point in taking it slow; instead, she’d rather try to make up for every missed second, all at once. Not that Killian seems opposed to it. Rather, he seems determined to pull Emma as close as humanly possible, like if she’s just plastered tight enough to his front he can feel her through his ridiculous bulky rabbit suit.

Eventually, the franticness starts to settle into something easier, tongues giving way to lips, nipping giving way to sucking. They’ve finally perfected the angle too, noses just barely brushing as their mouths meet. Emma’s hands have settled on his chest, faux-furred as it is, and Killian’s have begun to creep down from her hips towards her ass. After his talk about being tormented by the sightline down her shirt, Emma would have figured he was a boob man, but hey, she’s not opposed to this development either…

Until he reaches the stupid fluffball on the seat of her pants and pulls.

Emma jerks back at that. “Did you just tweak my tail?” she demands, staring at him incredulously.

“Couldn’t help myself, love,” he teases, dropping a little kiss on her nose. “You make a bloody cute Easter Bunny.”

“Oh my God, file that under ‘things I never want to hear again’,” Emma groans, but she’s smiling too. It’s hard not to, now that she gets to enjoy his playful side. “C’mon, we’ve got to finish hiding these eggs… but maybe you can come back to my burrow afterwards.” She even throws in a wink for good measure, now that there’s no reason they can’t have a little fun.

“I’m holding you to that, love,” he says, crossing back to his wagon as Emma collects her own fabric grocery sack full of eggs. Once they’re both collected again, his terrifying rabbit head perched in the wagon’s bucket, Killian offers his free pawto her. “Shall we?”

“Yeah, alright.”

They’ve barely started walking again before the realization hits Emma, making her groan.

“What is it, love?” Killian asks, his voice full of concern.

“Nothing to worry about, not really,” she quickly clarified. “I just realized… if this is Mary Margaret and David’s idea of a set up, I’m going to kill them.”

Killian laughs uproariously at that, slinging an arm around her shoulders. “Ah, well, all’s well that ends well, right?”

(As it turns out, no one really believes Mary Margaret when she tries to claim that this is exactly what she had planned all along. Distraction induced by morning sickness is much more believable, after all, than setting up two people to fall in love as the Easter Bunnies.)

(Emma and Killian are a little too busy doing some other things like rabbits to care too much.)

[douxreviews]

Legends of Tomorrow - ‘The Eggplant, The Witch, and The Wardrobe’ Review

“Mikey! Mikey, Stop!”

Legends continues to ramp up the action as it moves into the final phases of its too short fourth season, and on the way makes the most important statement about relationships that's ever been uttered on genre television.

Have I mentioned how much I love this show?

One of the most consistently impressive things about the way Legends of Tomorrow tells its stories is the way that they're able to take what should be standard, if not cliched, plot set-ups and somehow turn them into something unexpectedly fantastic. Last year, Zari's turn at reliving Groundhog Day gave us the amazing 'Here I Go Again'. This week we get that thing that genre shows love to do wherein one character physically enters another character's mind in order to 'save' them from whatever has caused them to fall unresponsive, and therein finds a world built almost entirely of visual metaphors that help them work through a bit of character development before we get back to the season's larger plot.

So, yes. It's essentially Sara Lance as Willow Rosenberg in 'Weight of the World'. With the small difference that Ava, our Buffy-surrogate in the set-up, is actually able and willing to have a profoundly frank and adult discussion with her inside the, for lack of a better term, 'dreamscape'.

And really, I know that this gets mentioned in these pages a lot, but that's the greatest strength that Legends of Tomorrow has; the way that all of the characters are allowed to behave like rational and emotionally available adults, despite also being time travelling superheroes. It's sure as hell that none of us saw that coming, back in the Vandal Savage days.

Case in point, look at the way that they completely skated past the obvious 'everyone but Ray blames Nora for Hank's death' plotline here. That was obviously what we were being set up for back at the end of 'The Getaway', and yet within the first couple of scenes this week we have the Legends find out that Nora is on the Waverider, she says 'I swear I didn't kill Hank', and Constantine essentially responds, 'Yeah, we totally already figured that out. It was actually fairly obvious, and just the tiniest amount of follow-up on our part established what was really going on. We're totes good, Nora.' And everyone immediately gets on the same page on the issue, because they're all behaving like reasonable adults. That is huge. That just doesn't happen on television.

Even Nate only needs to take the smallest of moments questioning whether or not Nora is guilty before he processes what he's being told and accepts it, and that's the one instance in which they could have legitimately gotten away with a character responding in a destructive way because he was responding emotionally to his father's loss. But they didn't go there, and it cannot be overstated what a positive and refreshing example that is to see.

It's particularly clever of them, because of the way that they pulled the rug out from under us at least twice this week regarding the heavily foreshadowed Nate/Ray schism that we were all bracing ourselves for. Nate finds out that Ray has been harboring the woman he thinks killed his dad, and he responds by listening to what his friend is telling him, accepting what he's being told, and reaffirms their friendship. A little later on we see him accidentally punch Ray in what we assume is going to be the beginning of their 'Civil War' style breakup, only to immediately get ahold of himself, apologize, and embrace his friend. An apology that Ray accepts without hesitation, I might add, because Nate's actions were both completely understandable under the circumstances and immediately apologized for.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the world's greatest ever example of positive male friendship. I'm starting to believe that if we can just get enough people to watch this show, we might actually find a way to counter toxic masculinity. Wouldn't that be nice?

All of which is a roundabout way for me to get to the point that I've been growing to realize that it's really the character relationships that make this show. Witness, for example, the curious level of kindness that Constantine shows to Gary when he wants to hold vigil for Ava. Gary, by rights, should be pure dorky comic relief. Constantine, as a character type, exists almost solely to deflate that kind of comic relief character. And yet when push comes to shove, John goes to Gary's D&D nights. John cares about Gary. That's a nice detail. Similarly, it's notable the way that Mick is willing to help out Zari in something as trivial as crafting sexy text messages to Nate. Mick of even two years ago would absolutely not have been doing that.

Which brings me back to my initial point as regards that important statement about relationships. After a truly enjoyable series of sequences in the 'evil purgatory Ikea', Ava and Sara have some incredibly frank and direct talk about their relationship. And during that talk, they're both so amazingly emotionally available to one another and so willing to be vulnerable with one another. I honestly cannot think of a healthier relationship on television, ever. Not in the sense that they don't have problems, because they clearly do, but in the way tat they're willing to acknowledge them, and admit when they're in the wrong. It's messy, and it's real, and I love every second of it. And just when I think it can't get any better, Ava says;

"Let’s be honest, neither of us needs anybody. But you are who I want."

Yes. That. A million times, that. Can we amplify that message about a billion times, until it drowns out all the rom-com 'I need you to complete me' bullshit? Because that would be wonderful.

Be more like Nate and Ray, people

So what have we learned today?

To stop including this section in the reviews, because trying to condense a logically consistent universal rulebook of how timeline changes work in this fictional universe is absolutely nothing compared to what we should be learning from the character relationships. Also, clearly no one involved in the show is worrying about it.

Everybody remember where we parked.

This week the Waverider pretty much stayed where it was in Washington D.C., 2019. At least, it logically must have been sine Zari could send texts to that year, and Ray bounced back and forth between the ship and the Time Bureau.

Sara, meanwhile, went to actual literal purgatory to rescue Ava's soul. Purgatory, in this case, being an obvious Ikea knock-off called 'Megastor', complete with umlaut.

Quotes:

Ray: "Hey Sara! Great news. Hank was killed by a demon!" Nora: "'Great' was not the word he was looking for."

Ray: "She’s not a liability. She’s a survivor."

Sara: "You two are with me. (To Zari) Woman the ship."

Gary: "Conspiracies, embezzling, paper trails. I feel like Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich."

Nate: "If this is my dad’s mistress I’m gonna jump out a window."

Sara: "Ava, if you check out, you die." Ava: "Well that’s kinda on the nose, isn’t it?"

Charlie: "Being honest, wind powers- just not that scary." Mick: "Yeah, you’re like a magical hair dryer."

Nate: "Yeah, hi. We’re looking for Mr. Uh… Mr… T."

Zari: "I don’t even know why I’m talking to you two about it. You don’t even date humans." Mick: "Love’s love."

Nora: "I know how hard it is to watch someone you love become a demon." John: "Yeah, well too bad there aren’t any Beebo’s around to hug it to death."

Mick: "Here. Use words. It’s erotic, but vulnerable."

Bits and pieces:

-- Yes, I realize that they were actually in purgatory, where her soul was currently stuck, but all the semiotic rules at play here clearly were working on the understanding of 'dreamscape'.

-- So apparently Neron wanted Ava's body to host somebody called Tabitha, I assume she's his demon girlfriend.

-- The trope of the bad guy having a favorite whistle-tune so that we can identify what body he's jumped into later is super clichéd and tired. I still didn't see it coming that he'd end up in Ray though.

-- You should absolutely never pay less than $800 for a mattress. Under any circumstances.

-- It's not clear what actually happened to Nora in that ritual. Are she and Ray going to end up as Tabitha and Neron? I'd be down for that.

-- Absolutely nothing about Hank's magical creature zoo makes sense, and he certainly wouldn't have needed a demon's help to set it up. I hate everything about that plotline, with the exception of Mikey T, who is awesome.

-- Zari, Charlie and Mona giggling about texting boys shouldn't have been charming, but was completely 100% adorable.

-- Dirty secret time, I adore assembling flatpack furniture. Honestly, it's my favorite thing in the whole world. I'm not kidding.

-- The effect of aging and de-aging as the sat on the mattress was really nicely done. A very clean low tech solution which worked well.

-- I'm actually really surprised at how quickly Mona has begun feeling like a natural part of the team.

A really good episode with a lot of really positive things to say about adult relationships, both romantic and otherwise. I just wish it hadn't involved the stupid magical creatures zoo plot, because it's stupid and muddies the waters as to what Neron actually wants to accomplish.

Three out of four flatpack dressers.

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

[noconcernofyours]

5 Takeaways from Avengers: Endgame (WARNING: SPOILERS)

Here’s another one I didn’t really have a place to post, so it’s going up here. Hope you enjoy my Hot Takes™.

On Thursday I went down to my local cinema to watch Avengers: Endgame, the culmination of over a decade of continuous, intricate world-building and story-telling from the mind of Marvel Studios boss, Kevin Feige and co. This article is not a review of the movie. To be clear, I loved it and there are a million reasons why, but looking at it purely as a film doesn’t really make sense to me considering all of the factors that make Endgame more than just another Marvel movie.

Instead, here are five takeaways that I, as someone who has been seeing these films in the cinema since Iron Man released in 2008, have been sitting on since I walked out of the screening on Thursday night. WARNING: HEAVY SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

1.    Sam Wilson is the perfect successor to Steve Rogers. Fight me.

There are several major emotional themes that Endgame introduces throughout the film: parenthood, reconciliation, coping with one’s failures. But, as the film moves into its insanely climactic final battle sequence, a new theme starts to move to the front of the pack – a passing of the torch.

From Peter being the major emotional anchor of Tony Stark’s death scene to Captain Marvel mirroring Steve Rogers’ heroic yet futile act of holding Thanos’ hand open from Infinity War, and even to Hawkeye teaching his daughter to shoot a bow and arrow in the film’s emotionally fraught opening scene, there is a real sense that the most definitive way this film can wrap up the original team’s character arcs is by showing who is still there to take up their mantles.

I’ve seen a lot of angry takes complaining that Steve passed on the mantle of Captain America to Sam over Bucky. These takes… *clears throat*… are dead wrong. Bucky is just as out of time as Steve was, more so even, due to the amount of time he spent either in ice, or out of his mind. He’s also so unclear of his own identity that it makes no sense for him to adopt this mantle that is meant to be so clearly defined and inspiring, especially considering the amount of damage he’s done to the world. That same internal conflict is why Steve was so uncomfortable being Captain America for so long. The main argument, I guess, is that he has a closer relationship with Steve, but I would argue that this is an incorrect analysis of their relationship. One of the things clarified by the time travel sequence is how Steve’s relationship with Bucky wasn’t about friendship, or loneliness, but about one of the other themes of the film: failing to deal with one’s mistakes.

It makes so much more sense for Sam to take up the mantle because, arguably, he is Steve’s greatest achievement as Captain America. Steve’s deeds inspired Sam to act. His training made Sam, someone with no superpowers at all, a superhero and brought him to the highest echelons of the Avengers. He, like Steve, was a military volunteer, unlike Bucky who was drafted. And, like Steve, and perhaps most importantly, he doesn’t know how to exist without the next mission. Sam has been Captain America-in-waiting since his introduction in Winter Soldier.

2.    This film shouldn’t be nominated for best picture, but there are Oscar nominations that it does deserve

This last Oscar season was incredibly long, taxing and discursively toxic. One of the narratives in various online forums was a sense of discontent that Black Panther was nominated for best picture over Infinity War. Now, despite the fact that I thoroughly disagree with that feeling – Black Panther is one of the most narratively and thematically powerful superhero movies ever released and Infinity War has a thoroughly unpleasant message of abuse=love – there will, without a doubt be an Oscar narrative surrounding this landmark movie.

Let me set the record straight here: Endgame, whilst being an incredibly important moment in cinema, a hugely emotional watching experience, and a massive technical achievement, is not best picture material. Why? It doesn’t stand on its own. Without the background of the rest of the MCU propping it up, it couldn’t achieve nearly as much of the emotional impact that it did. For the same reason, I don’t think Return of the King should have been a best picture winner either. Sue me. The film also has some tonal issues that prevent it from landing all the emotional punches that a best picture nominee should have.

That being said, there are elements of Endgame that deserve recognition from the academy, and they are thus:

Robert Downey Jr.’s gut-wrenching performance as Tony Stark

Honestly, it does feel like Downey’s been playing this character in his sleep since Age of Ultron, but not here. This, for me, is his strongest performance put to film, and that’s all down to an awareness of how this character has changed since his debut in 2008. His meltdown scene after he is rescued at the start of the film is masterfully frightening and sad, made all the more so by his CGI-facilitated emaciated state.

Alan Silvestri’s genius score

Alan Silvestri is an incredible film composer; this much is clear. While I loved his score for Infinity War, which was full of clever little twists on previously existing material, and stunning uses of silence, I did feel a little let down that some of the better leitmotifs from previous films weren’t utilised at all, particularly Captain America’s theme, which Silvestri wrote for The First Avenger back in 2011.

As of now, I understand why he made the decision to leave that out. It wasn’t studio interference, demanding overly aggressive aesthetic consistency. It was a choice made to enhance Steve’s character development. We haven’t heard Steve’s theme since Winter Soldier, because he hasn’t really been Captain America since that film. The moment in Endgame that brought me closest to ugly crying in the cinema was when Tony handed Cap back his shield, and we finally heard that theme again. Silvestri has been paying attention in a major way, and probably deserves a writing credit for every movie in which Steve Rogers has appeared since 2011 because of it. Thanos’ theme is terrifying and beautiful too. Give. This. Man. All. The. Awards.

3.    Guardians of the Galaxy needs a soft reboot, Ragnarok style

I hate the Guardians. I hate all of them… well… except Gamora and Nebula, but the former was done dirty in Infinity War, and the latter pretty much finished her character arc in Endgame. All the other ones are either funny window dressing (Rocket, Groot, Mantis), or outright intolerable (Starlord, Drax). One thing that made me enjoy Endgame so much more than Infinity War, was that I didn’t have to watch the Guardians’ unbearable antics for the majority of the movie. It was a small reprieve from the dick jokes, backwards character development, unfunny temper tantrums and relentless stupidity.

The end of the film sets up the future involvement of Thor in the next Guardians movie. I hope to god that means they’ll bring Taika Waititi on board to help write the new movie with James Gunn. I’m glad Disney made the right decision to bring Gunn back after his premature dismissal, but after the catastrophe that was Guardians of the Galaxy, vol.2, and the negative impact the characters have had on Infinity War, I think someone with the creative instincts of Waititi needs to be brought on to help make these characters into people again. Thor joining the team is a chance to make that happen.

4.    Marvel did ScarJo dirty

Ugh. Every member of the original team got a proper ending, except ScarJo, who got fridged. I’m a huge Hawkeye stan, but Black Widow should not have been tossed off (literally!) in order to develop his character in the way they did. To make matters worse, she doesn’t even get a funeral! Just a little nod at the end from the guy who she died to save. After everything that happened with Gamora in Infinity War, I can’t believe the Russo brothers, who did so much to develop this character in Winter Soldier, were okay with giving Black Widow a death that was not only meaningless, but so similar to the woman they killed in the last movie.

Come on!!!

5.    Endgame wrapped up 10 years of movies so perfectly that I don’t have to care what they do next anymore

All that being said, it really doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Over the last few years, I’ve gotten increasingly frustrated with the MCU. With the exception of Black Panther and Ant-Man and the Wasp¸ every film in the series since Captain America: Civil War has been a bit of a let-down for me. I hated Guardians 2, I was left feeling a little empty after Ragnarok and Infinity War, and Spider-Man: Homecoming was the biggest disappointment in the entire series that came close to ruining the character for me.

What’s so special about Endgame, is that it so neatly and powerfully brings to a close the narrative arcs of (nearly) all of the characters I’ve cared about since the MCU’s beginning over a decade ago. It, surprisingly enough, is a legitimate jumping-off point. If I were so inclined, I could be content to never see a Marvel Studios film again because most of the threads I was invested in have been tied up.

It also seems unlikely that they’ll be building to a huge single-narrative conclusion for a long, long while. How could they? Endgame was a movie a decade in the making, and I suspect it’ll be another decade before they get to anything that could rival the emotional resonance of their latest achievement. What comes next will, undoubtedly, feel substantially different than what came before, and therefore, probably isn’t targeted at me or others in my position. If I fancy seeing a new Marvel film, I will, but I highly doubt that by skipping one I’m going to feel like I’m missing out in the same way I would have done if I’d missed any of the last 22 MCU movies.

The greatest gift Endgame has given me, is a way out of the vicious circle of Marvel movie discourse. I can rest now.

[moonlitgleek]

Stupid question, probably you won't even reply. Why do you think that story of the good and gracious princess is not romanticised. Elia is remembered as someone who was witty and clever and called a fair maid. No one has anything wrong to say about her except for cersei and Jon con and that too is just about her physical appearance.

It’s not a stupid question. One of the problems of the Dead Ladies Club is that it works in extremes; these women are either heavily romanticized or heavily vilified with romanticization being the most prominent reaction. We don’t know them. We don’t have a sense of their personality or beliefs or living experience to define who they are. Our knowledge of them comes from secondhand accounts that often did not know the characters all that well and are colored by character bias. And that’s how the dead ladies become idealized concepts with their textual importance defined by their absence and their personhood defined by their desirability and beauty, frozen in time on their pedestals.

However, you assessment of how Elia is regarded is not accurate and it’s that that contradicts the idea that Elia is romanticized. While we do have Barristan’s description of Elia as a good and gracious with a gentle heart and sweet wit which might be somewhat idealized, that description does not stand on its own. Besides two lines from Barristan, almost everyone (outside of the Martells) who thinks of Elia does it in a condemning tone, whether implicitly or explicitly. It might be argued that these characters’ denunciation isn’t centered on Elia’s personality, whereas Barristan’s praise is, but honestly, even Barristan’s words does not build a personality. Courtesy and wit are things that noble ladies, especially born princesses, are expected to display in their daily lives, much less in any ceremony. That does little and less in telling us who Elia was as a person. She was good, but what does it mean that she was good?

But again, even that bit of positive recollection is undercut with how Elia is viewed by the rest of the characters. Most people actually only think about Elia in the context of her murder, but those who do think about her life pile up on her. She is seen as lacking, as unworthy of Rhaegar, as the reason Rhaegar needed Lyanna in the first place. I wouldn’t discount knocks on her appearance as shallow and irrelevant to how she is remembered, partly because that is a clear indication of the racism and ableism that is driving negative reflections of Elia, and partly because it’s exactly that that’s been used to argue Elia’s unworthiness and blame her for Rhaegar’s actions. I’ve argued before that common racism and ableism makes it far easier to scapegoat Elia and blame her for what Rhaegar has done than to hold Rhaegar accountable for his own actions. God forbid someone blames the sad handsome white boy for his own blunders, no it’s his brown wife that is surely to blame. And lo and behold, that’s exactly what happens. In the same scene where Barristan speaks of Elia’s graciousness, the dialogue is about how she supposedly drove Rhaegar to his folly.

“Princess Elia was there, his wife, and yet my brother gave the crown to the Stark girl, and later stole her away from her betrothed. How could he do that? Did the Dornish woman treat him so ill?”

“It is not for such as me to say what might have been in your brother’s heart, Your Grace. The Princess Elia was a good and gracious lady, though her health was ever delicate.”

Dany pulled the lion pelt tighter about her shoulders. “Viserys said once that it was my fault, for being born too late.” She had denied it hotly, she remembered, going so far as to tell Viserys that it was his fault for not being born a girl. He beat her cruelly for that insolence. “If I had been born more timely, he said, Rhaegar would have married me instead of Elia, and it would all have come out different. If Rhaegar had been happy in his wife, he would not have needed the Stark girl.“  

Dany automatically assumes that it was something that Elia had done that caused Rhaegar to humiliate her and abscond with Lyanna. Viserys concludes that Rhaegar’s actions were because he wasn’t happy in his wife, again assuming the fault lies with her. Barristan needlessly brings up Elia’s health unprompted emphasizing that she was “flawed” and almost giving a substitute motivation for Rhaegar - the problem isn’t in how Elia behaved, it’s in how Elia was. Barristan also doesn’t quite disagree with the idea that things would have been different if Rhaegar had married someone else. In another part, he gracelessly refers to Elia as a “kitchen drab” while comparing her unfavorably to Ashara Dayne.

In a situation where she was a blameless victim, Elia still gets the blame, even from the guy who spoke for herpositive qualities, while Rhaegar gets the sympathetic treatment. (Dany later describes his death as him dying for the woman he loves, and exactly no one ever thinks of how he sacrificed his innocent wife for that so-called love.)

Kevan Lannister displays the same belief of putting Rhaegar’s actions (and the rebellion by association) on Elia. If only Rhaegar had married Cersei….

 If Aerys had agreed to marry [Cersei] to Rhaegar, how many deaths might have been avoided? Cersei could have given the prince the sons he wanted, lions with purple eyes and silver manes … and with such a wife, Rhaegar might never have looked twice at Lyanna Stark. 

Note the words Kevan use. The sons, purple eyes and silver manes. If that’s not a knock on the Dornish-looking Rhaenys, I don’t know what is. Also, that subtle dig at Elia.

Jon Connington is on another level of awfulness.

Jon Connington remembered Prince Rhaegar’s wedding all too well. Elia was never worthy of him. She was frail and sickly from the first, and childbirth only left her weaker. After the birth of Princess Rhaenys, her mother had been bedridden for half a year, and Prince Aegon’s birth had almost been the death of her. She would bear no more children, the maesters told Prince Rhaegar afterward.  

The man is talking about how Elia almost died to give Rhaegar an heir, but his take somehow is still that Elia was unworthy of Rhaegar. She gave Rhaegar two children but Connington’s feathers are ruffled because she couldn’t have more. Please remember that he still has the audacity to turn to Elia’s kinsmen to help him in a war that he is waging to make himself feel better.

(Screw you, Jon)

Then there is Cersei, the Light of the West herself.

It had to have been the madness that led Aerys to refuse Lord Tywin’s daughter and take his son instead, whilst marrying his own son to a feeble Dornish princess with black eyes and a flat chest.

The thing is that comments about physical appearance aren’t just about physical appearance. They are about Elia’s race that inherently branded her inadequate in their eyes (oh those black eyes that she passed on to her daughter). They are about Elia’s health that must have affected how she looked (she was not long out of her sickbed from Rhaenys’ birth at Harrenhal, and she was likely already pregnant with Aegon at the time). They are about her perceived inability to provide Rhaegar with something he needed: more heirs, a beautiful wife (she was not enough to hold his interest, not “a rising sun” like Cersei), happiness (how did she treat him? Did she “mend his hurt”?), etc. Even the words used to describe Elia’s beauty is the same that’s been used to describe her health implying fragility, weakness and inferiority. It comes down to the same implication: Elia is deficient. Which makes her a convenient scapegoat for every douchebag with an agenda, like Yandel.

It is not known who murdered Princess Rhaenys in her bed, or smashed the infant Prince Aegon’s head against a wall.Some whisper it was done at Aerys’s own command when he learned that Lord Lannister had taken up Robert’s cause, while others suggest that Elia did it herself for fear of what would happen to her children in the hands of her dead husband’s enemies.

Yeah, he just perpetuated rumors that she killed her own children. Can’t bring up Tywin’s name. Nope. So let Elia take the fall for another white guy.

So Elia’s reputation really comes down to two positive lines about her cleverness and grace, and an onslaught of people implying she is to blame for the rebellion and the deaths that followed. Even the warmth in Oberyn and Doran’s narrative is too little to counter that, especially with how it is overshadowed by the justice and revenge narrative of the Dornish plot, and how neither Oberyn or Doran are PoV characters. And the ones who are PoV just don’t remember Elia, so we only get bits and pieces. I don’t think that sells a romanticized narrative of Elia at all. Compare that to how someone like Rhaegar is talked about, or Arthur Dayne, or even other Dead Ladies like Lyanna, Joanna or Ashara, and you’ll see the difference.

[raise-me-up-take-me-up]

Liveblogging “Crofters - The MUSICAL!”

- OMFG CROFTER’S PARTNERSHIP

- OH WOW

- “my mouth was ajar” is that Patton i see?

- ooh song!!

- LOGAN CHILD DO NOT FAINT

- why is the song so serious?? roman are you okay

- CURRENT EVENTS I CAN’T

- “let me get this straight” “good luck with that” gfksjdlhfkj ROMAN

- Logan being logical by asking the real questions

- “that makes perfect sense :D” Logan are  you alright??

- “how wild.... blueberry” LOGAN YOU SAID YOU HATED PUNS

-AGFLJKASJDFHKJS LOGAN “I DO NO LIKE TO SING” SANDERS SINGING HAS BLESSED MY EARS, WATERED MY CROPS, CLEARED MY SKIN, BANISHED MY NEGATIVITY, HEALED ME COMPLETELY IN EVERY WAY, I AM CLEANSED 

- “oh sh**!!” THOMAS-

- :O LOGAN!! IS!! ON!! THE LABEL!! CAN YOU BELIEVE?! CAUSE I CAN’T!! WOW

- Logan at a lass for words, somebody get a camera

- LOGAN FAINTED RESUSCITATE HIM WITH CROFTER’S

- “i like crofter’s too :(” aww

- “flip. my. lid” *pop* Logan stop

- “ow, sh**!” AGAIN WITH THE CURSING

- Roman throwing a tantrum i live for it

- “get out of here you stupid Robert Downer Jr.!!” roMAN

- *with a mouthful of jam* “yikes” SAME HONESTLY

- “i. still. lOVE IT.”

- LOGINCE DUET I CANNOT BREATHE

- Roman bby calm down

- ooh Roman angst :3c

- “...unordinary” *immediately eats another spoonful*

- moar angst :3c

- “logan has steadily grown more popular than me!” Oh No

- *cut to Logan devouring jam* “He’S jUsT sO cOoL!!”

- “i didn’t plan on any heavy character development...” hahahaha

- “it came up organically :(... oRGANICALLY LIKE THE JAM” Roman covering up his sadness with puns is a mood

- “you made a joke and now they’ll think that everything is fine...” SOMEBODY HUG HIM

- oh gosh this is so awkward

- “MAYBE... you’ll get your own flavour?” “eVERYBODY GO OUT THERE RIGHT NOW AND BUY A JAR OF LOGAN’S BERRY JAM. GO RIGHT NOW AND SUPPORT IT PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE”

- “like it? lIKE IT?!?! LIKE IT?!?!?! L I K E  I T ? ! ? ! ?!?! !” me @ any content Thomas Sanders puts out

- TRIO SINGING

- LOGAN GETTING OVEREXCITED CALM DOWN SWEETHEART 

- #LETROMANRIFF2K18

- “biscuits- i mean business”

- too many puns please stop it physically hurts me

- Yes Roman you made very good puns

- VIRGIL MY BEAN

- “VIRGIL :DD” x3

- “wait, Patton knows about-” “Berry clever of you, Logan :D” ‘nO-”

- “fruitless” “gOOD ONE :DD” x4

10/10, loved it, had angst undertones, music, food (i’m eating a jam sandwich as i type this), all the bois, character development, lots of laughter, puns, would video again

[she-wolf-of-highgarden]

Lyanna, Arya, and Sansa

I have noticed lately that the Lyanna-is-Arya-and-Sansa argument is back and i have never understood it.  In showverse i’ll give it to you because sure at this point it’s a free for all. In bookverse though I just don’t see it. 

Not once is Sansa compared to Lyanna and what we know of her is not very Sansa-like. The two things that fit Sansa and are often brought up are two things: A) Lyanna cried at Rhaegar’s song B) Lyanna was beautiful

I see a lot of arguments that say Arya is Lyanna’s wildness while Sansa has her beauty. The issue is Arya kind of supposed to have her beauty like literally. Sansa is beautiful and considering she is still growing probably going to become more so, but it is a Tully/southern beauty. 

Arya on the other hand fits the bill. There are three examples of this that George throws in our faces. The first one that stands out is Bran literally mistakes Lyanna for Arya, the only reason he decides it’s not Arya is because the boy in the vision wears his hair longer.

“ The girl was the older and taller of the two. Arya! Bran thought eagerly, as he watched her leap up onto a rock and cut at the boy. But that couldn’t be right. If the girl was Arya, the boy was Bran himself, and he had never worn his hair so long. And Arya never beat me playing swords, the way that girl is beating him. She slashed the boy across his thigh, so hard that his leg went out from under him and he fell into the pool and began to splash and shout. “You be quiet, stupid,” the girl said, tossing her own branch aside.” - Bran III, ADWD (Side note: Both Arya and Lyanna call others “stupid”)

And Theon describes Lyanna as

“The slim, sad girl…” - Theon V, ACoK

Then we have Kevan Lannister describe Lyanna

“The northern girl had a wild beauty, as he recalled, though however bright a torch might burn it could never match the rising sun.”- Epilogue, ADwD

We also have Ned tell Arya,

“You remind me of her sometimes. You even look like her.“ - Arya II, GoT

Arya and Lyanna share a wild look. As the books have progressed Arya is called pretty more often and is not really mistaken for a boy. The House of Black and White never try to pass her off as a boy and the Kindly Man even offers to make her a courtesan. 

Sansa on the other hand is out-right beautiful. She is a conventional beauty and people see it. Arya might never match Sansa’s beauty, the talking of the sun in Epilouge reminds me of the sun and moon that represent Sansa and Arya, but that does not mean it’s not there. It is a wild beauty. 

Some have argued that Arya can not look that much like Lyanna because Robert never comments on it, but Robert probably does not remember well what Lyanna looked like. It has been at least 15 years since Lyanna died and she was taken when she was 14-15. Also Ned met Robert at the Vale, so we do not know how much time Robert spent with Lyanna, but we can guess it was not much. Certainly not enough to know how she looked at 8-9. 

The other point people use for Lyanna and Sansa is Sansa’s love for songs. How Lyanna felt about songs we dont really know except for how she felt aboout rhaegar’s song because we are told it made her cry. When Benjen laughs at her for it she pours her drink on his head. That is a definite Arya move. The crying at the song is Sansa, though Arya does cry a lot in her early chapters where Sansa is known for her composure. That is the only time we hear about Lyanna and songs. 

No actually comes out and says she felt any particular way about them. Just because she cried at one does not mean she cried at all of them or was particularely fond of them. You know what we do know she was fond of? Flowers. Which is yet another parallel with Arya. 

Of Lyanna Ned says,

“I bring her flowers when I can,” he said. “Lyanna was … fond of flowers.” - Eddard I, GoT

When it comes to Arya we see that she too has a love for flowers…and bringing flowers to people. 

“Then to Sansa she said, “When we were crossing the Neck, I counted thirty-six flowers I never saw before,” - Sansa I, GoT

“None of which stopped Arya, of course. One day she came back grinning her horsey grin, her hair all tangled and her clothes covered in mud, clutching a raggedy bunch of purple and green flowers for Father. Sansa kept hoping he would tell Arya to behave herself and act like the highborn lady she was supposed to be, but he never did, he only hugged her and thanked her for the flowers.” - Sansa I, GoT

Do you honestly think Arya would pick or count flowers if she did not like them? She likes flowers and wants to give some to her father. It’s actually really sweet and kind of sad. It must be bitter sweet for Ned to have his daughter, who looks so much like his sister, give him flowers the way he gives his sister flowers. I think in part that is why he does not scold her the way Sansa hoped. 

Another parallel is that what we know of Lyanna was that she, like Arya, sometimes solved confrontations physically and was interested in sword play. In Bran III in ADwD we see Lyanna playing at swords with Benjen. Sansa is not interested in playing swords, but Arya is. It is implied in that quote that Arya and Bran played at swords in Winterfell since Bran says that Arya did not beat him at it. Ned also tells Arya that 

“Lyanna might have carried a sword, if my lord father had allowed it.”- Arya II, GoT

Lyanna seems tamer. Pehaps it was because she had to be. It appears that Rickard was stricter with Lyanna than Ned was with Arya. Part of what makes Ned not go as hard on Arya seems to be because she reminds him of Lyanna. He let’s Arya have the sword in part because it was what Lyanna would have wanted. I also want to note that it was Lyanna’s son who gave Arya her needle. 

There is also the fact that the North has risen for both Lyanna and Arya. They rose for Lyanna when Rhaegar took her and in ADwD even the mountain clans got involved to save Arya Stark (even if it is Jeyne Poole). This is again interesting because it is Lyanna’s son who called the North to ccome with him and save her. 

Arya is compared again and again to Lyanna whether it be in looks, carrying swords, or riding horses. Arya is Lyanna’s parallel we are hit with it over and over again. I mean the girl was trapped in Harrenhal and has been travel with a boy who is supposed to look a lot like Robert. 

That, however, does not take away from Sansa. Sansa is still beautiful and clever and observant. If we had to choose a parallel for Sansa i think it would be Ned (maybe Elia, but not because of the relationship to Lyanna…that is a whole different meta), but in all honesty i think Sansa’s story is her all own. She is not going to be compared to her dead aunt, her traits are all her own and unique. Sansa is no less special or important because she is not as connected with Lyanna. Sansa wants a love story all her own and i honestly think she is going to get one. She is going to have her own special story that people sing about and i dont think that’s a bad thing. 

[lucky-clover-gazette]

season 4 first watch impressions

under the cut are my thoughts and my new overall series episode ranking (spoilers)

ep1 - uss callister

- by far my favorite of the season

- a perfect blend of comedy and tragedy 

- i would have loved this as a full movie

- honestly nanette is amazing, like she owns her smarts and sexuality and never gives up i love her

- male coder: “it won’t work, i’ve already tried”

nanette: “well i haven’t” HELL YEAH

- i honestly loved all the ‘crew’ characters, even the gym rat boss

- i especially enjoyed the speech from the boss to robert, where he’s like ‘i acknowledge that i was an ass, but dude, YOU PUSHED MY SON OUT AN AIRLOCK’

- also the fuckin casual dialogue between the monster and bad guy and the crew

- OHHH BOY AND THE FACT THAT ROBERT’S GONNA ROT TO DEATH IN HIS APARTMENT BECAUSE HE PUT ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ ON HIS APARTMENT DOOR, HELL YEAH

- ‘oh my fuck’ 

- 10/10, watch it now

ep2 - arkangel

- preface: the kid playing young owen teague and his family were actually really close with my family when he and my little sister were kids. it was goddamn surreal to see that lil guy talking about porn when i remember him being, like, eight. but nice going nick, keep kicking ass lil dude

- okay so this episode was... conflicting 

- the opener made sense, but in some ways i thought it was TOO obvious and indicative of the episode’s message and tone. i can’t help but wonder if it would have been better just starting like five minutes in

- her father looked like counselor healy from orange is the new black, so that was distracting

- okay jesus christ lady, i get that losing your kid is scary, but implanting her with ‘optional’ optic spying and censoring software is such a massive violation of her privacy. like, it’s one thing when she’s tiny, but how the hell are you going to feel okay with yourself as a parent when she’s an adolescent? 

- the blocking especially pissed me off. that’s so fucking dangerous. either this woman is just very stupid, or very desperate

- at least the narrative established that it kind of was the latter. when her father gets sick, the mother has to care both for both her father and her child. that’s a lot. but still not an excuse for such mental violation of a quickly-growing human being

- young edgelord and sara are fucking adorable

- sara’s self-harm and rage issues are not, however,, and i’m glad that her mother took her head out of her ass and ditched the tablet

- is it just me or is fifteen-year-old sara kind of an idiot? like i get it she’s grunge and artsy, and i loved her giving a treat to the dog, but she seems to be almost hanging out with owen teague because he deals, and not despite it. like i get that i’m supposed to buy that their romance has kind of a subtext of him ‘teaching’ her about things, but like the underage sex and coke are kinda yikes. i feel like he definitely should have had more restraint, and although what the mother does is royally fucked, he and sara are also both to blame

- all right, so the smoothie motif. what a great narrative tool. the miscarriage pill was the most clever part of the episode. sara’s reaction was very well-acted, and the standoff between her and her mother was intense as hell

- i liked that sara’s rage issues remained into adolescence. i was glad that the tablet got wreckt, but i can’t help but wonder if it would have been more effective to have her rage-smash it prior to her mother coming come, leaving the pieces for her to find. the actual beating up of the mother with the tablet seemed to literal, too much sinking in the message. there were moments in crocodile and hang the dj that were the same way. 

- the ending, with sara hitchhiking in some stranger’s truck, was very smart. the ambiguity of a young girl, on her own, hopping in some stranger’s vehicle, is powerful without much explanation. any parent would be horrified by this; that’s what i don’t think we actually needed to see the mother screaming sara’s name and bleeding to understand the horror of losing a child to the unknown

- this one definitely gives me the most complicated feelings of the season; on one hand, it had a lot of great devices going for it. on the other hand, it was over-written and at times trying too hard to be ‘black mirror.’ the grey morality and ambiguous ending reminded me of a literary short story, which i love in my TV.

- 7/10, watch it if you liked most black mirror episodes that weren’t san junipero

ep3 - crocodile

- ah yes, the ‘i watch black mirror to be fuckin ashamed of humanity’ episode

- idk man, i liked it. it was bleak, and fucked up, but i’m all about that downward spiral. i liked that the story kind of began in three different places and then tied together. just as i had with ‘hated in the nation,’ i love police procedural stuff

- also damn, it was freaky as hell to see the straight-laced white blonde soccer-mom type being a despicable murdering sociopath!!! like, gotta go kill an entire family of POC, including a goddamn INFANT, and then see my kid’s show, that’s great. i was so happy when she got what she deserved. 

- all right, so i had one MAJOR PROBLEM with this episode: why the fuck did they make the son blind? the guinea pig twist was so GOOD, and mia fuckin killed a BABY, they didn’t need to further modify that!!! this is another example of black mirror doing just a tad more than it needs to make the audience feel horrible. 

- okay black mirror, we get it, that song is your thing, but can you maybe slide it in as a less glaring easter egg? 

- 8/10, but only if you’re into dark shit and bad endings

ep4 - hang the dj

- not nearly gay enough

- seriously, the entire episode i was unable to focus on the main characters because i kept looking around this Tinder-esque 20′s dating paradise and saw ZERO GAY OR LESBIAN COUPLES. i’m so surprised by this, especially after ‘san junipero.’ at first i was like, maybe this is like society’s way of encouraging procreation because of population decline, but that wasn’t the twist at all. no reason for nearly everyone to be hetero

- THAT BEING SAID, i see you. bi amy. even before the girl partner, i was aware that she used ‘they/them’ pronouns when referring to hypothetical partners. i just wish we could have seen more gay couples in the background (for example, at the choosing ceremony thing, it coulda been two dudes of something)

- uh okay, so everyone loved this episode, and it was okay. some of the banter and jokes were funny and relatable, but honestly, this wasn’t *that* good. the plot wasn’t super original (reminded me a lot of ep1 of hulu’s ‘dimension 404′) and the execution was kind of suuuuuuper basic. like, black suited Enforcers with tasers? a massive matrix wall? the whole thing seemed so predictable and just... basic as hell. 

- but shit man, amy was cool. loved that character in a vacuum. 

- honestly if someone could explain the reasons for loving this episode, i’d like to hear them. because i just don’t get it, man. maybe it’s because i’m gay, or young, or single, or unexperienced... but i just wasn’t very impressed

- 6/10, not even fuckin close to ‘san junipero’ lmao 

ep5 - metalhead

- black and white seemed sort of pretentious, not gonna lie. i think i would have preferred the dirty palette of ‘white bear’ post-apocalypse

- i am all for these female protagonists this season. hell yeah

- soo those corpses in the bed were heavy, but i actually kind of wish we got to see more of that? like, the remains of humanity after the dogs attacked? also, more small explanations for the dogs’ attack would have been interesting

- loved the chase and fight scenes. i can see how they’d be boring, but the moments of conflict between man v. machine were fucking awesome

- K N I F E  D O G

- anyone else get serious farenheit 451 vibes?

- the teddy bear thing was dumb. i don’t think we needed to see what was inside the warehouse. yet another time black mirror threw in just a little more than we needed

- okay so belle keeps alluding to the fact that she has safe family members out there somewhere, so am i to believe that there is some place where humans are safe from dogs? if so, why the actual fuck did she leave? i can’t believe it was just because of fuckin teddy bears

- alllllll the david lynch vibes

- 7/10, but you gotta actually pay attention to the visual details to get the best parts

ep6 - black museum

- BOOOOYYYYYYY! this entire episode i waited for the fuckin shoe to drop and then SHE! DID! THAT!

- the amount of callbacks to previous episodes was,, nice,, but also it was kind of annoying??? and unnecessary? 

- the museum owner was reaaaaaalllly annoying, which is think was intentional. what a fuckin sleaze. in comparison, i thought that jon hamm in ‘white christmas’ was still a somewhat charismatic narrator, but this dude was just yikes

- so, the first story was... kind of a lazy reach? idk, it just felt kinda like a parody of black mirror itself. i get the entire ‘mad science’ vibe they were trying to evoke, but as opposed to the next story, this one had very little to say about human nature. black mirror works its best when it tells stories that use technology as a way to analyze humanity; this one really didn’t (we all already know we’ve got weird kinks)

- the second story was better, but, like, SUPER heartbreaking. poor carrie. i don’t think her husband should have done The Thing at all, honestly, I don’t believe that he couldn’t have seen what happened next coming. it’s like the arkangel mom again; either these characters are just SUPER present-oriented, or just fuckin dumb

- the most tragic moment in this season was ‘monkey needs a hug.’ i felt nauseous 

- okay, now for THE TWIST! the accent drop was a great touch, and i loved that she was poisoning him the entire time. also fuck white men and supremacists, and fuck the museum dude for enabling them. 

- the ending was great. i liked that her mom was chillin with her. the building blowing up was very tarantino. loved her a lot

- 8.5/10, boring in the beginning but the end is worth it 

and now.. 

BLACK MIRROR EPISODES RANKED (AS OF SEASON 4)

1. U.S.S. Callister

2. Nosedive

3. Hated in the Nation

4. San Junipero

5. Fifteen Million Merits

6. Be Right Back

7. White Bear

8. White Christmas

9. Black Museum

10. Crocodile

11. Arkangel

12. Metalhead

13. Hang the DJ

14. Playtest

15. The Entire History of You

16. Men Against Fire

17. Shut Up and Dance

18. The National Anthem

19. The Waldo Moment

[killiancygnus]

Serendipitous Melody 19/22

Summary: Everyone has dreams. You might dream of becoming an astronaut or teacher, or you might want to become a doctor and save as many lives you can. Emma Swan’s childhood dream was being a singer. But with life getting in the way and never finding the courage to overcome her fears, she never had a chance to follow it. That is until a little push from her friends lead her to cash on an opportunity; and, who knows, she might even get more than what she’d wished for.

Rated: T

Word count: ~4.4k

A/N: *hides behind a Christmas tree* Hi! I’m so so sorry for the delay! This chapter was a bitch to write and between life and uni, I didn’t have much time to write in the past month or so. I hope you enjoy this chapter anyway! It might take me a while to update once again though because I have exams until the end of February but I swear chapter 20 will be long and angsty so I hope you won’t mind. Don’t forget to let me know what you think about this update!

Thanks to the wonderful @the-reason-to-sail-home for her mad betaing skills.

Tagging some friends: @mahstatins, @villains-happy-ending , @stardusted-nymph, @allisonchameron, @kmomof4, @hencethebravery, @katie-dub, @captainwiley , @irishswanff, @thejollypirate, @dassala , @imhookedonaswan, @ofshipsandswans , @legendofthephoenixcs, @yayimallamaagain and @londonsbridge

If you want to be tagged too let me know :)

Links: Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9- Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 17 - Chapter 18 / AO3

The ominous clicking of his father’s cane echoed down the halls as Neal sat on the couch next to the fire, quietly sipping a glass of wine. He knew his father knew was aware of what he had done. There was little he couldn't find out. The leverage and the ties he had made it impossible for the people he had on his watch list to keep any secrets, and that included Neal too. He was well aware of that but he didn't really care, he never did. It wasn't like he was ever going to reach for him first. All his father always cared about was getting what he wanted - a trait he had inherited, Neal had to admit - but this time, it so appeared they had a few interests in common.

“Calling her wasn't a wise move, son,” Mr Gold said entering the room, his tone flat but revealing a hint of annoyance.

Neal didn't even turn to face him.

“For as much as we'd like to believe that, neither she nor Jones are stupid. They'd put two and two together. And if they didn’t, miss Mills would,” he continued, pondering each word as he walked around the couch so that Neal would see the strained grin on his face. “You were selfish and careless, not to mention foolishly impatient. Our plans might go downhill because of what you have just done.”

Neal placed the glass on the small table next him. “The plans that don't seem to be having the effect they were supposed to, you mean.”

“What you were expecting? Her to leave Jones’s side after the first difficulty arose? Her to run back into your arms as soon as you stumbled back into her life with a phone call?”  

At hearing his father words, Neal shot up, hands clenched into fists. “I have done my waiting!” he shouted. “You have your personal vendetta for what happened to mother and I understand that, but once again there’s something that for you is more important than me. Emma has been the first and only person that truly cared about me. She was mine! I was stupid enough to let both her and my son go, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean I won’t stop fighting for what is mine. And as it happens, our interests are very much alike; that's why we are here, working together, no matter how much I might not like it. So yes, excuse me for being a little impatient.”

Mr Gold bit his lower lip, his jaw set. He was trying not to yell back at him in rage and keep that coldly stern face of his, Neal could see that. He didn't care about how much he had enraged or hurt his father, though. He meant what he said, every single word of it. But honestly, it shouldn't have been news to him. Their relationship had always been somewhat dysfunctional, especially ever since his mother died.

“Son, I…” he started, not really knowing what to say. “You might be right. However, you must remember that this article's purpose was just to undermine her securities, weaken her for when we'll strike again. And you know what will happen then.”

“Hell will break loose,” Neal whispered, the reflection of the fire in his eyes making them look even wilder than they actually were.

Robert Gold smirked, taking a step closer to his son. “Oh, that it will.”

Saying Neal’s call had shaken her was an understatement. She wouldn't talk much about it, but he could see it in her eyes. She had been dealing with the Henry situation and all the hateful messages and nasty articles that were directed at her, which both left a veil of hurt and hopelessness in her eyes. It was only after that call that the carefree and joyful part of Emma, that it took so long for him to see and help her set free, became just a fond memory. All the walls around her heart he had managed to break, she had started to build back up that night.

It pained him to see her like that, so fragile, so vulnerable, nevermind the stoic masks she would put whenever she realised her feelings were written all over her face, but he didn’t know what to do. All he could do was hold her, show her how much he loved her, try not to let her think about anything that was weighing on her, and yet he could still see the uncertainty she tried so hard to hide.

Those bloody tweets had gotten to her in a way he didn’t know how to make better. It wasn’t like he could publicly condemn those people without arising more questions about his and Emma’s relationship. And that was definitely not the time to come out as a couple.

It was a mess. A bloody fucking mess. And the words that fucker whispered in her ear that night on the boat sure as hell hadn’t made things any easier.

They had informed Regina about Neal’s threats as soon as possible the following morning. At least she did look surprised this time at this new turn of events, but the small flicker of genuine shock on her face was soon replaced by a calculating look.

“Miss Swan,” she said before him and Emma could unstick their legs away from the narrow space between the desk and the chairs’ legs and leave her office, “I've been doing some thinking since the last time we met. Sit.”

Killian and Emma shared a confused (and from her part worried) glance as they sat back down.

“In light of the most recent developments, I think it's time for you to properly meet my - our - son. What do you say, Miss Swan?”

From the corner of his eye, Killian noticed Emma staring agape at Regina. Conscious that no word would fall from her mouth anytime soon, judging by the deer-in-the-highlights look she had, he spoke, “Wait a second. Are you suggesting Emma to tell Henry she's his mother?”

“That's exactly what I'm saying, Jones.”

“Why?” Emma stuttered, finally able to mutter a word, “Neal is threatening to do everything he can to get to him, including destroying my reputation and now you want him to meet me?”

“I have to admit it’s not the best of ways for him to meet his mother, but as you said, Neal won’t stop before he gets what he wants. Henry deserves to know who the man is who will make everyone constantly worried about his safety and who will try to throw shade over Killian and you.”

Emma opened her mouth to protest but then shut it without even saying a word. Killian sighed. Regina was right, he knew that. The kid couldn’t just stay in the dark, especially not with that curious nature of his. He was far too observant and clever for his own good, he would find out both about Emma and his father sooner or later. It was better for him to hear the story directly from his mother or Emma herself, as things seemed to be headed to.

“Maybe,” he started tentatively, feeling Emma’s attention focusing on him. “Maybe you could drop him one day next week after school. He’s been wanting me to teach him to play the guitar for ages. I could teach him the basics, and then me and Emma could talk to him.”  

Killian ignored Emma’s pointed look and just looked straight ahead at Regina.

“Yeah, that could work,” she agreed, and then smirked, “It seems like there’s a brain behind the eyeliner, after all.”

Killian glared at her and made to talk back a witty remark when Emma’s uncharacteristically feeble voice interrupted him. “Wait.”

As two pairs of eyes landed on her, Emma cleared her voice and straightened her back. “I don’t think it’s a great idea. I mean, it is but he might get suspicious. As far as I know, he doesn’t own a guitar and unless you are hiding a past as a rock star, of which I’m very sceptical about,” she said for Killian’s amusement, gesturing at Regina, “you don’t look like you own one either. Knowing Henry, he would wonder how he could practice in between lessons.”

Regina pursed her lips in annoyance. “I’ll talk with Robin. I’m sure he’ll share one of his guitars with him, Miss Swan. Do you have anything else to say?”

She only gave Emma the time to shake her head that she continued, “Wonderful. I’ll drop Henry at yours Friday afternoon. Try to bring him back in one piece, please.”

And that was how they found themselves Friday afternoon, sitting on the sofa, waiting for Regina to arrive with Henry. Thank goodness Friday was only a few days away from that meeting, because Killian thought Emma would combust with nervous energy, judging by how much her left leg was trembling, making him feel like he was sitting on one of those massage couches.

“Emma…” Killian sighed, putting a hand on her knee to still her movement.

Blushing, Emma willed her leg to stop twitching. “I’m sorry,” she apologised, looking up at him, “I’m just -”

“Nervous. I know love.”

The soft, reassuring smile Killian gave her didn’t even have the time to fade away from his lips, that the intercom buzzed, making Emma jump on her seat. Trying to suppress a chuckle, he leaned in to give her a sweet, gentle peck on her lips before going outside to fetch the boy.

By the time he made it to the swimming pool, a small figure run up to him and threw their hands around his waist.

“Killian!” Henry shouted.

“Hello to you too, lad,” Killian laughed, ruffling his hair. “Why don’t you go inside and put away that backpack of yours? I’ll be right behind you.”

Without making Killian asking him twice, Henry bolted towards the door. Killian didn’t move right away though. His eyes met Regina’s through the windows of her car, and it was only after he gave her a nod, that he turned around following Henry inside.

As soon as he got back in, he was happy to see Henry already chatting away with Emma about his latest favourite book. Hearing him walking in, she lifted her gaze up and smiled a beautiful, happy smile he just couldn’t help return.

“- And it’s not a normal book of fairytales. They are all twisted and linked together. Like Captain Hook is actually good even though he…”

“Well, of course,” Killian agreed, interrupting the boy’s excited babbling, “I’m always a gentleman after all.”

“Not you Killian! Captain Hook!”

Killian winked at Henry’s offended exclamation, making Emma burst out laughing. “I don’t think he sees the difference,” she said in between giggles, putting a hand on Henry’s shoulder, as if she sided with the lad. Rude.

“Anyway, if you guys have to play the guitar, you better go upstairs and get started.”

Nodding at her suggestion, Killian climbed up the stairs, shortly followed by both Henry and Emma, on the lad’s insistence. Not hearing Henry’s steps behind him anymore after turning in the corridor towards the music room, he gave a quick look behind his back and stopped. “Where are you going, lad? The music room is this way.”

“I know,” Henry replied from the other end of the corridor, “But the bathroom is this way!”

Chuckling, Killian shook his head and took Emma’s hand leading her inside the room.

“Everything alright, love?” He asked, leaving her hand only to put it on her hips with the other and bringing her close. “Butterflies stopped flying around your stomach?”

“Yeah,” she smiled, putting her arms around his neck, “those kind of butterflies did, as for the others…”

Giggling, he captured her lips in a short loving kiss. “Good,” he whispered against her lips, “Although, there’s no need to flirt with me, Swan. I’m already yours.”

“I know, but if I don’t who’s gonna keep your ego all happy and fed?”

“Well…” Killian started, not wanting to pass an occasion to see Emma’s unamused face. She was adorable whenever she did that. He told her many times, but somehow she had always been pretty unconvinced about it. To him she was always beautiful, that was true, but it hurt him to think that she didn’t think the same of herself.

“Will you stay here watch us?” he asked, once she stopped side-eyeing him, uncertainty once more appearing on her face.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll stay for a bit and then I’ll go downstairs baking some cookies. I’m sure Henry would like some later, boys his age are usually hungry all the time, right?”

Killian smiled, before leaning in and leaving a kiss on top of her nose. “That’s a wonderful idea, love,” he whispered, as his lips travelled down towards hers to kiss her one more time.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, but it did feel like minutes when Henry’s voice made them jump apart. “Eww, gross!” He screeched, making a disgusted face from behind the door before trotting in.

In spite of the deep blush covering her cheeks, Emma was the one who recovered first. “So,” she started, stopping to clear her throat in embarrassment, “are you ready to start?”

“Duh,” he said, taking a seat on the circular couch, where a guitar was waiting for him, shortly followed by Killian.

He started showing Henry how to hold the guitar and where to put his fingers to play an easy song. Emma stayed there for a while, watching them with a smile on her lips, deep in thought. He couldn’t tell what was going through her mind, though. He could read her quite easily most of the times, but apparently it wasn’t the case that day. It was only after Henry managed to play his very first song without much hesitation, that she left, not before giving the boy a round of applause and making his cheeks go red.

They played for a couple of hours before they considered it enough for a day. Killian was sure though, that if it wasn’t for the delicious aroma coming from downstairs, Henry would have wanted to continue until Regina would have come pick him up. However, as soon as he smelled cookies in the air, he asked if they could stop and sprinted downstairs, much to Killian’s amusement. That kid had far too much energy for his own good, maybe making him eat cookies wasn’t the smartest idea, but he was about to find out a lot about his past, he could eat all the cookies he wanted if that meant he’d be more inclined to take well what Emma was going to tell him. A little bribery never hurt anyone.

After tidying up a little, Killian followed Henry downstairs and sat on the far end of the sofa pretending to work on his phone. It was the perfect spot: there Emma could easily see him if she needed some reassuring or him to come help her out, and he could hear what they were talking about.

“Hey! Are you hungry, kid?” Emma asked, a hint of nervousness in her voice. “Yeah? Then what are you waiting for? Take a seat.”

After a few moments, Henry exclaimed gulping down a first bite of cookie, “They’re so good! How many can I have?”

Emma chuckled at the lad's contagious enthusiasm. “Well, considering your mom is pretty scary when angry and I don't know how well you handle sugar, I'd say we can be safe with two more, kid.”

Whooping, Henry wolfed down the rest of the cookie in his hands before taking another. “My mom calls me kid, you know?” He said, once his mouth became free to talk once again. “My biological mom, I mean. Her and I email sometimes.”

At his words, Killian put down his phone and sat up, closely watching Emma’s reaction. Her posture was stiff and she was nervously playing with her nails under the table, but aside from that, she definitely didn't look like someone whose son had just made a pretty much spot on and completely out of the blue remark.  

“Yeah, I know,” she nodded, her voice wavering a little.

Henry frowned, the cookie up in the air and on its way to his mouth now forgotten. “How?”

“Because I'm her. I'm Emma.”

Henry stared at her agape for a few long moments. “You’re my mom?”

“Yeah,” Emma breathed out, her voice so small Killian almost couldn't hear it. “I guess you must have many questions, don't you?” She added with a nervous chuckle.

Seeing the way the lad had basically frozen, Killian couldn't help hold his breath in worry for his reaction, much like Emma he suspected. Slowly, Henry put the cookie down on the napkin and stood up, looking straight at Emma. In spite of the fear he was going to bolt, she held his gaze.

It all happened in a matter of seconds then. First mother and son were staring at each other, then he threw his arms around her neck, letting Emma hold him tight after the shock wore off.

Killian smiled at the scene, finally relaxing too.

It was only after they broke apart, that the lad demanded answers. Answers which Emma then calmly gave. She told him about her childhood, about his father. She told him about David and Mary Margaret and the time she spent in prison. All bits and pieces, not enough to disclose all of the worst things in her past, but definitely enough for a child to understand why his mother decided to give them up.

He listened attentively, never interrupting her, as if he understood how hard it must have been for her to talk about all of that. Sometimes Killian would find himself at loss of words for how perceptive Henry could be for such a young lad. And this was definitely the case. He truly did seem to understand both the said and unsaid.

However, he was dying to ask something, Killian could see that in the shining of his eyes. So much like his mother.

It was only after Emma finished talking though, that he spoke, leaving a speechless Emma and Killian behind. “So, since you are my mother, would that make Killian my step-father? Because that would be so cool!”

At that, both Emma and Killian’s eyes widened and as they could read each other’s minds they spoke as one. “What?”

All the seriousness of the moment gone, their home was filled with the sound of Henry’s laugh.

It took a few weeks, but she finally started to be free to go out without being followed by journalists and paparazzi, all wanting to hear what she had to say on the matter sprung by that Mr Gold’s magazine. Social media, instead, was still a mined camp for her, that she now tried with all her might to avoid.

It wasn’t easy, though. There were still times where she couldn’t not see what was being said about her, where people’s comments and assumptions drove her so mad that yes, she wanted to break her no comment policy and explain them at length exactly what were her opinions on the words that had been pointed at her. No matter how she was feeling, though, Killian was always there. He was a reassuring and calming constant in her life, the only one she could reach out to during the day, without worrying about the hour nor the moment.

As if on cue, just as things started to get better, shit began truly going down.

Another article was published: “An Enchanted Farce” GOLD’s cover shouted in big, bright red letters just above a blurry but not questionable picture of them kissing. Not just kissing, though. Were it so it wouldn’t have been such a big deal, but her back was up against the wall of a dimly lit corridor of the Enchanted’s studios with Killian’s body pressed against hers still wearing his characteristic “coach clothes”.

It was a scandal.

People started shouting at favoritism, of course, and many things were said, especially on the internet. Killian took the least of the lash, his doting fans swearing he’d never do anything like that and pitying him for being played by “the Swan bitch”. She was called many names - slut definitely the most recurring one - and blamed for “using Killian just to assure herself a place in the final”. Her talent and fairly new and moderate fame, once again questioned.

It was overwhelming, for the both of them, but to Emma, who had just managed to move on after the previous article lash out, it was the last straw. And like no time had passed at all, she found herself back curled up on the sofa, reading all the trashy magazines she could get her hands on and spending far too much time scrolling through her Twitter notifications once again.

Consciously, she knew it wasn’t her fault at all, but she couldn’t help blaming herself for what had happened. She didn’t regret kissing Killian that night, she didn’t really regret anything regarding her relationship with Killian. Her mind was swimming in “what if’s”, and Killian was… She didn’t know how to explain it but he made her happy, in a way she had never been. But if something life had taught her was that happiness wasn’t in the cards for Emma Swan, and all this mess proved it.

She had ruined their lives, she had ruined it all. She knew how risky it would have been to act on their feelings while the show was still on, she feared what could have happened if someone would find out. She should have known better that night. She shouldn’t have let him kiss her in that corridor, but she didn’t think that night and this was the result. Her reputation ruined, possibly forever, and his career too. He should be furious. Music was his life, the one thing that helped and accompanied him through all the things, both shitty and good, life threw at him. He had worked so hard to follow his dream and now thanks to her, it could be the end of it. Why wasn’t he furious?  

“You should stop reading that crap, Emma.”

Emma looked up at him with bloodshot eyes, Killian’s voice putting a halt to the whirlwind of thoughts in her head. “Why?”

“Because this,” he reached forward, taking the magazine resting on her lap and flipping its pages quickly as if to prove his point. As Emma stood up to take the magazine off his fingers, he continued, “This is hurting both you and us. It’s putting thoughts in your head that aren’t even remotely true. I’m not gonna say it’s gonna be easy, I’m not gonna say it’ll go away tomorrow, but eventually this will be behind us, all buried and forgotten. That can’t happen though until you stop blaming yourself and you start truly trusting Regina to deal with this mess.”

Killian let her take the magazine from his hands and Emma dropped it unceremoniously on the couch. “And how wouldn’t it be my fault, huh?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest and looking straight in his eyes. For a moment she thought she must have looked crazy, bloodshot eyes, tear stained cheeks and all, but she didn’t care. “Enlighten me.”

“Well, for starters as far as I recall there were two of us that night at the studios. You couldn’t have known there was somebody behind the corner taking pics just as much as I couldn’t have.”

“You’re right,” she said, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. “But I should have thought something like that would have happened. After all, since when do good things stick to Emma Swan?”

At that Killian arched an eyebrow in confusion, his expression equal parts frustrated and dazed. “That's not…”

“You know what? You should have known it was too risky, too!”

“What? Emma you can’t be serious,” he almost shouted, the higher tone of his voice crashing with his words that very much sounded like a plea.

“I should have stopped you from kissing me that night because this is exactly what I was worried about back then,” she said, her voice rising little by little at every word.

Killian’s expression darkened. “Are you saying you regret that kiss? Our real first kiss? Do you also regret what you said me back then about your feelings for me? Or has it all been a lie since then?”

Emma’s eyes widened at his questions. “Yes...I mean, no!” she exclaimed before passing a hand over her face, trying with all her might not to let her voice quiver, or even worse break down in tears. “Don’t you see I ruined everything? Your career is at stake because of me. You got too close and now you are dealing with its repercussions.”

“I don’t bloody care about my career!” Killian positively growled. “If it meant being able to be with you, I’d give everything up and be a fucking music teacher, or do something else. But look at you: what would you do for me? You are throwing everything that there was between us out of the window just because that fucker of your ex and that bloody crocodile of Gold are making things less than easy. This is exactly why you’ve never been and would never be happy. You run when it gets too hard without even realizing what you already have. Now I’m going to ask you again and I want you to look at me when you answer: did you ever love me?”

He was right, she knew that, just as part of her knew she wasn’t being fair and reasonable. She was too upset though, too scared. In that moment, all she could think of was that he’d be better off without her, and it fucking hurt. She was hurting them both, she realised as tears welled up in her eyes.

She didn’t know where she found the strength, but eventually Emma willed her eyes to meet his as she pronounced those final three little words, that seemed to weigh like a ton of bricks on her tongue. “Yes, I did.”

Her mind didn’t register the hurt in his eyes. Or she didn’t let it, she wasn’t sure. All Emma did, instead, was grabbing her purse and walk away, slamming the door behind her.

As she drove off the walkway, she didn’t even feel the tears streaming down her face.