#honestly i was so close to just posting the massive ones. but then rocky had the inspired read more idea.

[girlfriendline]

claude giroux gets the helmet after scoring the OT winner

preds @ sens || 29.1.24

+ bonus Extra Large Versions under the read more (highly recommended)

[tobesobri]

𝒯hank you for all the love on the first chapter, that was honestly the last thing I expected, and it really does mean the world to me that you guys like this story. I’m going to include the taglist at the end, but if you’d like to be added for future updates, go here and put in your tumblr URL. Okay, anyways, this chapter is very like,,, rocky and emotional so! Have fun reading :)

huge massive thank you to the incredible @youresogolden-h​ for editing ❤️

Chapter Two: Do It One More Time (3.8k)

Harry and Y/N are friends…. with benefits, but not the kinds you’re thinking of.

🥥MASTERLIST 🌃INSPO TAG 🌻ASK TAG 💃PLAYLIST 🛌

Sneaking Harry out had been the least of her worries. Him being on her mind constantly was a much bigger cause for concern. She had trouble sleeping at night, tossing and turning and even having to wash her entire bedspread to get rid of his scent. It had been no use, however. It was like her body got a taste of something very potent and wanted it now more than ever before. 

And it didn’t take long for her to get back into her routine. To soil the pillowcases in her tears because the emptiness inside her chest had only grown tenfold after what had happened with Harry. Her muscles literally ached and her sobs almost sent her to the bathroom to hurl up an empty stomach full of knots.

Her brain had finally gotten a reprieve from its loneliness. She finally felt what it was like to have someone, even if it wasn’t real. Even if it was a mistake and even if it was fleeting. Harry had filled whatever missing parts were within her and it hurt like hell to go back to normal again.

But she wasn’t the only one. He couldn’t sleep anymore either. His house felt massive and the silence between all the walls seemed to ring just a little bit louder. He found himself buying an unnecessary amount of pillows and setting them all up on his bed just to surround himself with something. He’d been here before though. After a breakup, his least favorite part was going back to sleeping alone. He hated not having someone to hold onto. It took him weeks to get used to it last time, and to get used to the cold spots on the other side of the bed. It only took four and a half hours with Y/N to fuck him all up again.

And he really shouldn’t be doing this, but he was desperate.

“Hello?” Even her voice was a breath of fresh air for him.

“Hey, it’s uh… Harry.”

“Oh. I didn’t know you had my number.”

“Will gave it to me a while ago… for emergencies.”

Y/N took a long pause, unsure why Harry was calling her on a Thursday afternoon, completely at random. It had been almost an entire week since their… incident. Why was he calling her right now?

“So… is this an emergency?”

“Um… well, no. It isn’t.”

“So why are you calling then?”

“I was wondering um… you can say no but um… I was wondering if you wanted to… sleep with me again.” He cringed at his last few words and the way they felt like knives cutting his throat to get out. He had no better way to phrase what he wanted other than being blunt about it and admitting he wanted her up against him. He wanted more than just lifeless pillows to cuddle up to at night. 

And something about Y/N had him losing his fucking mind the past week so asking her to sleep with him seemed low on his list of crazy.

“Sorry?”

“I mean… like we did last week. I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight, just to sleep?”

“Why?” She asked, unsure why Harry fucking Styles was asking her that. Sure, they were somewhat friendly and she had thoughts about asking him the same exact thing, but it was an odd request coming from him. She was sure if he needed a cuddle buddy that he could easily find anyone else. 

But even the thought of him being like that with someone else gave her a horribly sick feeling in her stomach that she recognized immediately but could not for the life of her explain. She didn’t get jealous, ever.

He cleared his throat, “Um well… I have had a pretty hard time sleeping and then last Friday it was like… like the best sleep of my life. And this past week has been awful again. So I was just… we don’t have to if you don’t want to though. It’s fine. I probably shouldn’t have even called…”

“No.” She cut his spiraling off abruptly. “I mean… yes. I… can do that.”

He immediately let out a huge breath of air in relief but also couldn’t believe she had, yet again, agreed to another one of his stupid ideas. “I just want to let you know I’m not trying to like… get in your pants or anything. I genuinely just…” He stopped then, knowing a more believable story would be him wanting to get into her pants than what was actually going on with him.

“Just what?”

“I just need someone.” He admitted with his eyes closed tight as he laid back onto his couch. “And it’s not very easy asking people to just sleep with you.”

She let another moment of silence go by that just about tore him up. And right when he was about to ask if she was still there, he heard her voice again, as softly as ever.

“What time should I come over then?”

Harry’s house wasn’t easy to access. First, there was the entrance gate to just get into the neighborhood, which had an intimidatingly large security guard posted out front like an oversized bridge troll. Then she had to hand over her driver’s license and try to convince him she was there to see Harry, and that her name was supposed to be on his list of accepted guests. The whole thing wouldn’t seem so unbelievable to her if she wasn’t already trapped in a pit of nerves from being there in the first place.

By some miracle, however, the guard returned her ID along with a visitor’s pass and opened the gates for her. 

Then, of course, there was finding his house, which turned out to be a whole other task and a half on its own. Every house was so far from the main road due to oversized front lawns that she couldn’t read anyone’s house number unless she practically trespassed. He’d given her very vague instructions so she mostly had to rely on Google Maps. Which somehow got her to the house at the end of Spruce Street with the enormous pine tall trees and rose bushes surrounding it just like Harry had described.

She pulled into the short gap of driveway just before the tall, wooden privacy gates that hid most of his house from view. After rolling down her driver’s side window, she inputted the four-digit code he’d given her onto the pinpad. Within a few seconds the gates opened, and after a moment to ogle at his insanely beautiful house, she swallowed the pit in her throat and carefully drove onto his property as if it was made out of glass. She really did not belong there, not in her beat up 2005 Toyota, and she couldn’t afford to break anything. 

The moon was already prominent in the middle of the sky by the time she got to his front door and rang the bell. His house wasn’t at all what she expected. It was old-looking. Almost cottage-like with stone bricks and vines trickling down the architecture. She expected the most modern amenities known to man from him, but it turned out to be the polar opposite.

She stopped staring at his garden fortress of a house, with her jaw hung wide, when his door swung open. Because finally he was there, right in front of her, giving her proof that she didn’t accidentally show up at the wrong address, even though the code had worked and the house was as he described. Her anxiety was just a little extra prominent than normal.

“This is where you live?” She asked, before he even got the chance to invite her in.

He laughed, holding the door in one hand and gripping the frame with the other to keep his balance as he stood in the middle.

“Um,” he sighed, glancing up at the house, “yeah, but I’m trying to sell it soon. I bought it when I was young and impulsive.”

“Oh.” Was all she said, and he worried for a moment that he had completely lost her. That she was going to go back to never speaking a single word to him ever again. That he wasn’t anything like what she expected and it was a little too much for her to take in. 

Just like most of his previous attempts at friendships, once they got even the tiniest glimpse into his life, they either bolted or stuck around long enough to get what they wanted from him.

Instead, she met his eyes again and smiled, “Can I come in or what?”

The inside of his house, however, had been recently modernized and she wondered if Harry had made all the design decisions himself. Like if he picked out the big geometric crystal chandelier in the foyer or the white marble countertops in the kitchen. She liked it, though, it was open with tall ceilings and unlike any home she’d ever stepped foot in. Even though it reminded her what vastly different worlds she and Harry came from, she knew his personality didn’t match up to his big fancy house. 

When they settled into the kitchen, and when Harry began pouring two glasses of water for them, she set her things down on his island counter to give her shoulders a break from her heavy backpack. She knew she’d packed too much stuff, but if she was spending the night at Harry’s place, she needed her own familiar things to keep her company. 

“I was thinking…” she started, watching as he kicked the refrigerator door shut once he’d put the filtered water pitcher back on the top shelf and handed her one of the glasses. “That maybe it’s a good idea to not tell Will… or... anyone about this.”

He thought it over for a moment and then nodded in agreement, “Yeah, okay.” Averting his eyes, his mind thought of a million different things at once while he sipped on his own glass of water until another tangible question popped into his head. “So if we’re not telling them, then where do they think you are right now?”

“At a coworker’s place.”

He nodded again and for the first time around Harry, she felt so incredibly nervous. He’d made her nervous before but not like this. She’d always just avoided him and it worked her anxieties out, but there was absolutely no chance of avoiding him now. Maybe she should have just said no, but that also seemed like an implausible choice. 

“Is it alright if I like… get ready for bed? I just got off work.” 

He let out a small giggle around the brim of his glass and nodded, “Yeah, I’ll show you my room.”

And his bedroom did not, by any means, disappoint. Just the square footage of it was impressive, but her eyes were particularly drawn to his bed, and not for any other reason than the way it faced massive ceiling-to-floor windows that overlooked, as it seemed, the entirety of Hollywood; and she fell in love instantly. It was mesmerizing, and she could not fathom why on earth he planned on selling. Hell if he didn’t want the house anymore, she’d take it.

“Bathroom’s over there. Make yourself at home. I’m gonna set the alarm and turn off the lights. I’ll be back in a bit.”

Nodding, she waited for him to leave before she fully lost her mind about everything. Not only was she in the nicest house she’d ever laid foot in, but she was also about to crawl back into bed with him. His king sized, fluffy-looking bed she could imagine herself getting lost in. 

She knew what they were doing was slightly out of the norm for people their own age. Most people didn’t sleep in the same bed as their friends unless they were doing something friends probably shouldn’t be doing. But the benefits of their budding friendship were a little more innocent than that to the point where even the thought of Will finding out where she was right now, while she slipped into her strawberry patterned pajama pants in Harry’s ensuite, made her lightheaded. She’d almost feel better if Will found out they were actually hooking up instead, because at least that wasn’t so… weird.

With the amount of time she spent getting herself ready, most of it being wasted on psyching herself up enough to go through with all of this, she’d become very familiar with his bathroom. He had two sinks along one wall, and massive mirrors that all faced a shower that could fit an entire army inside. The tiles were either black or white except for the blue pops of color here and there. The best part of it was the massive soaker tub in the back underneath a window that overlooked his garden. It was like he plucked a bathroom straight out of Good Housekeeping.

And of course she couldn’t let his things go unnoticed. She’d make herself a space at the empty sink nearest the door, the one that didn’t have his stuff neatly stacked around it. She eyed his small selection of colognes on a tray between the sinks while she washed her face, and couldn’t help her curiosity from checking out what brand of toothpaste he used when she started brushing her own teeth. 

Other than the little touches of Harry scattered sparingly about, however, it was almost as if no one lived there at all. And she became very familiar with how cold it all was.

It wasn’t until she turned the sink off after splashing her face, again, with ice cold water, that she heard the soft hum of a guitar from just outside the bathroom door. She wasn’t sure if he was playing, or if he had turned music on. She wasn’t even sure if Harry Styles knew how to play the guitar. She couldn’t ever remember him playing any instruments whenever he came over to work with Will, but maybe she was just tragically unobservant.

And that seemed to be the case once she finished up and went back out to find him perched on what appeared to be his side of the bed with his guitar on his lap and a leather bound notebook open in front of him.

Though before she could make out a single melody, he immediately stopped playing the second she re-entered the room.

“Sorry, you can keep… doing what you’re doing.”

He let out an exasperated laugh while she crept towards the bed on the opposite side and made note of the way he quickly hid his journal from her and stashed it into a drawer at his bedside table. Maybe she was overanalyzing things, but it seemed like whatever he was writing down was for his eyes only, and she respected that.

“I was trying to write a song… hasn’t really been working out for me recently.” He leaned away from her to put his guitar down on the floor, setting it upright against the table, and she hated the way her eyes went straight to the small sliver of skin under his shirt that was exposed when he did so. 

“Writer’s block?” She asked, slowly making her way up under the covers next to him, still feeling like she didn’t belong even though this had all been Harry’s idea to begin with. He needed someone and so did she, even if he didn’t fully know to what extent. But it felt like somehow she had tricked him into thinking the someone he needed was her.

“Sucks,” he mumbled to himself mostly, still very obviously in his own little work bubble.

“I usually just try to stop doing whatever I’m struggling with, and do something else, something I wouldn’t normally do.”

“You mean with your art stuff?” He asked and she wasn’t sure how he knew about her hobby, if Will had brought it up before, but it made her heart flutter nonetheless, that he remembered that small detail about her.

“Yeah.” She finally looked over at him, only to find him already staring at her and it weirdly made her less anxious about her current position. In his bed. In her roommate’s best friend’s bed. “If you’re stuck, you should leave it alone and write something completely out of your comfort zone. Then when you go back to where the problem was, you have a new set of eyes on it.”

He was quiet, first just listening to her speak, and then really letting her advice sink in because it wasn’t something he’d ever thought about doing, but he made mental plans to give it a try.

“I’m sorry if this is really weird, Y/N,” he began, getting her attention when he changed the subject. “I know it’s hard to believe but I’m actually horrendously alone and I guess when we slept together I didn’t feel so much that way anymore.”

“I get it, Harry.” She sighed, never wanting to fully open up to him, but feeling like it was now or never to get him to stop making it more weird by apologizing. “Makes you feel like… empty.”

“Exactly,” Harry sighed and she glanced at him when he agreed so enthusiastically. “I haven’t been that close to someone in… months,” he rolled his eyes down to meet hers again, “and I guess I just didn’t want it to be like that again.”

The look on her face alone made it easy to tell everything he said resonated with her, like he was saying exactly what she was thinking too. It broke his heart to know that she, in any way, felt like he did, but it also made him glad someone finally understood what he was going through, even if in just the slightest.

“I understand, Harry. I guess I just don’t understand why you’re alone. Can’t you have anyone you want?”

He scrunched up his face, “It’s not that easy.” He huffed, “People aren’t all that interested in me as they are getting loads of likes on Instagram and having lots of money. I mean… I haven’t had a single relationship that didn’t end the same.”

“Still,” she mumbled begrudgingly. He was still Harry Styles. People still wanted him and, even if it hadn’t turned out so well, he’d still been not alone at some point in his life, unlike her.

He raised his eyebrows, a little irritated at this point. “Okay then, why are you alone? Can’t imagine it’s that hard for you.”

She rolled her eyes away from him and hung her head  to disguise the embarrassment on her face. There were two big reasons why she was alone, and she was not about to admit them to Harry at eleven o’clock on a Thursday night.

“So what is it then?” He talked for her when he grew irritated with her silence and her inability to see his perspective on things, “Your lack of ability to talk to people? Because you have these massive walls to keep literally everyone out, including me, for the past however many months we’ve known each other?”

She shook her head and sunk deeper and deeper inside herself. This was all a mistake. It had all gone wrong because she opened her mouth and said something insensitive. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Harry.” She looked at him again finally, holding back the stupid tears trying to well up just from the mere thought of being even moderately yelled at, and especially by Harry who she’d never imagined being angry a day in his life. “But if we’re just going to sit here judge each other, I think I should go.”

“No.” He immediately reached across the king-sized space between them to grab her arm before she even considered leaving his bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell like that.” They stared at each other silently for a moment before he continued, “You don’t want to talk about it and that’s fine.”

She stared at him for a moment, and then at his hand around her arm and just how good it felt to be touched. Just to have human contact, even just something as simple as that. And then she felt just as desperate as she had when she agreed to all of this in the first place.

“Can we just go to sleep? I’m tired.”

It started out like it had before. A gap of space between them after Harry had turned out the lamp beside him. After he spent an ungodly amount of time staring out his window and listening to her breathing, and she spent the same amount of time overthinking, they both realized something wasn’t working.

“Harry?” She whispered like she was throwing out a line into a vast ocean.

“Hmm?”

“You were right… about why I’m alone. But… it’s also that no one’s ever really shown any interest in me because, um... ” she struggled, trying her damndest not to cry in front of Harry. “I’m... ugly, you know… so that’s, um...” Her voice was just a whisper she could barely even make out, but it was still the first time she’d said that to anyone before. Sure, she wasn’t facing Harry when she said it and they were in complete darkness, but it was still hard, hard enough to make her hands shake and the tears fall.

He knew it too, the way her voice wavered like he’d never heard before. He twisted his head over his shoulder to look at her, eyebrows furrowed even deeper when he saw the shadow of her hand move across her face to wipe the tears away.  

And here she was; in Harry’s bed where she thought her problems would be temporarily solved, and yet she was still crying. 

“So that’s why… I feel like I don’t let people in because I don’t want anyone to have to be stuck with me.” She finished and he flipped himself onto his back, still staring at her head like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth, that she even thought that way about herself. He was sitting there in shock because, well… he had been wrong. He didn’t understand her at all. 

Without a single clue how to respond without sounding like a disingenuous asshole, he went another route rather than opening his mouth to give her unsolicited advice.

“Come ’ere.” He whispered, helping her until she was in his arms again just like before. He cradled the back of her head with one hand as she hid her face on his chest and wrapped his free arm around her shoulders. Slowly, she warmed up to him and tucked her own arm around his side as they fit themselves together like puzzle pieces all over again. Except this time, they were both consciously aware of it. 

They stayed like that for a while until Harry listened to her breathing even out, and he could hardly keep his eyes open any longer. He still wanted to say a million different things, but knew it might only make it worse because his head wasn’t clear enough to say the right things. So, he just held on tight and waited for morning.

taglist: @afterstylesmadeit @cxnyon-moon @and-im-not-okay-with-it @chrryblsms @whydontharry @harryinsweatersandbandanas @idkthisisjustforfanfic @teddysoldbird @shawnsblue @thurhomish @theasstour @hufflepuff-always-and-forever @staceystoleyourheart @granolagrannie @defineharry @iambabyharry @1142590m @ashtondene @smokeinherperfume @cherryyharryy

[kylos-bens]

Mistakes Like This ↠ Obi-Wan Kenobi (Obi-Wan x Reader) Chapter 3

Word Count: 3.1K

Warnings: Slightly smutty??? There’s def some 18+ going on here folks LOLOLO 

Masterlist

Chapter 4 

Tags: @blondekel77​ <3 

A/N: I know this is TCW Obi but UGH SO HOT. Also I have been posting my chapters more frequently through Wattpad if you find it easier to read there. You can find me @/concordiabeskar with the same title of this fic. 

I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS!! 

The torchlight scanned the slick caves from left to right. The bottoms of your feet were aching from the rough terrain. Darilia is definitely one of the worst planets you've ever stepped foot on. You were leading the way and were on high alert just in case you caught sight of anything suspicious. In the few hours of walking through this dark cavern, it honestly bored you that there was no action. A trio of clones trailed behind you and Obi-Wan and talking amongst themselves. "Wait I see something," you perked up when you can see only a few hundred feet away, a tight entrance.

"It appears to be a dead-end," Obi-Wan stopped by your side, his gloved fingers grazed yours and you didn't move your own.

"It's an opening," you jogged on ahead ignoring that the grounds of this cave were slippery. There was a fracture through the walls. You run your hands on the jagged edges and peered through it. You gasped at the sight of where the torchlight illuminated a massive clearing within the caves. The ceilings were higher and there was an opening where dark water was pouring down into a gaping hole in the ground. Obi-Wan called out your name but you slipped through and were so amazed at what you were looking at. To find this thousand of meters underground was chilling and you were sure now that a droid factory could be established here. If there were more clearings like this there was no doubt machinery was already put in place.

"Will you slow down!" Obi-Wan made it through the fracture in the rocks. "You have no idea where you are going!" He looked around and marveled at the sight as well. You shone your light directly at him.

"There's another entrance over there," you exclaimed and he immediately took hold of the torchlight in your hand. "Sorry." You lowered it again and the light caught something shiny. The clones were trying to make their way through the fracture but had to remove some of the packs to fit through. You moved your light again and clusters of shiny reddish-orange crystals reflected the beam.

"Watch your step," Obi-Wan murmured as you continued on your path towards the other entrance.

"Those can't be kyber crystals?" You looked at him.

"No," he replied keeping an eye out because they were exposed here. The clones were starting to make their way in when suddenly there was the sound of something cracking. It was faint but you knew Obi-Wan heard it too. "Stay still!" He said calmly. Everyone stood in their tracks. You shine your light on the walls of the cavern and they were all peppered with those crystals. It was such a stark contrast to the black rock. Then your light was on the ground. You didn't notice it at first but it was shiny just like black marble and you realized that you can see through it.

"Obi-Wan I think this is ice," you whispered. He turned his head to the clones who followed their order of staying still. "There's too many of us." You kept your eyes out for what was underneath the black ice. It was too dark but you can make out what looked like more sharp rocks.

"Fall back," Obi-Wan ordered. One by one in swift movements the clones went back through the fracture. You were making your way slowly behind Obi-Wan when he stopped.

"What are you stopping for?" you asked already worried that the integrity of the ground you stood on was seconds from giving up on you. "Obi-Wan?" The sound of the cracking grew louder.

"General?" one of the clones were still waiting by the entrance. Then everything happened so quickly that you didn't even have time to react. Obi-Wan faced you with panic in his eyes and he embraced your body pulling you close to him and stalactites came crashing down. The wind was knocked out of you as his body collided with yours. Both of you crashed through the ground and the black ice slammed hard against your wound. The drop felt like forever but you clutched on to Obi-Wan. The shards of icy glass triggered your memories and as the both of you freefall the last thing you wanted to think about was at least you die with Obi-Wan. You hit your head against something and then there was a splash.

*:·ﾟ✧

You were submerged in water and the only thing you could see was a blurry image of Obi-Wan swimming towards you. That's when you realized and you panicked. The bubbles escaped your mouth and you started waving your arms. You were once again denied air and Obi-Wan got to you. His arms wrapped around you and he swam towards the surface. It took forever but both of you gasped for air. There was a rocky edge where Obi-Wan swam you over. You were coughing out so much water but in your eyes, it just looked like dark oil. Unsure if it was blood because there was a salty metallic taste to it. You crawled on the rocks and spat it out. Obi-Wan was still gasping for air and coughing while making a face on the edge. You laid out flat on your back and looked up. It was an endless abyss of darkness. You didn't know how long the both of you fell for and you couldn't hear the clones with the roaring sound of water. The only light that shone through were these black crystals surrounding the walls. You didn't know if you hit your head so hard that colors were now different to you.

"Obi-Wan?" you whispered. He turned to you and he had the same look of fear in his blue eyes that snowy evening. He rushed over to you but you stopped him. "I'm fine." You were getting up and he touched your forehead where a pain shot through you. He removed his hand and there was dark blood on his fingers. He looked up at what you were just looking at and he called out to the clones.

There was no answer.

From above the drop didn't seem so far down but now you felt that you entered the planet's crust. He ignited his lightsaber and a blue glow lit up the edge that both of you were on. You sit and realized that your robes were torn and so were Obi-Wan's. His was not as mangled but your own had one sleeve ripped away and a gash running down your shoulder. You'll live.

"What is this?" he whispered. You looked at what he was looking at and your eyes were trying to focus on what was in front of the both of you.

"We have to find a way to get back up," you hoisted yourself up on your knees and you felt your own lightsaber hit your thigh. Obi-Wan stayed silent so you were curious at what exactly he was looking at. "Does it look familiar to you?" You examined it. It looked exactly like the black ice you were just standing on but this time it was more jagged. The black crystals around you glowed even more and you took notice of that.

"It's some sort of glass," he moved closer still lightsaber in hand. You managed to get up and followed him in a few steps. That's when you saw that it was a reflective surface. The lightsaber glow looked grimmer in the reflection but you couldn't see his shape. You frowned and then you saw your own reflection. Ghastly and with a cut on your forehead, you immediately backed away because you recognized what this was.

"Obi-Wan we need to get back up," you turned to him but he was no longer there with you. You blinked once and you were in complete darkness. The blood in your veins turned into ice and you spun around heart thumping in your ears. The black crystals were no longer glowing and you reached out with your hands but meet nothing. No, it can't be. You searched your fuzzy mind for something to explain what is going on right now.

You remembered reading about this enchanted black crystal formation as a Padawan. Staring at the towering wall you recalled that it shows your deepest and darkest desires. It made you nervous because all you could think about was what it would show you. These black crystal formation were just fables. Yet here you were staring up at it.

You turned your head when you hear the voice of Obi-Wan by your side. "What's going on? Where are you?"

He was still here but you couldn't see him. "Obi-Wan please just move back towards the water," you said making sure he doesn't step any closer to the reflection. Silence and you were disorientated, but you turned in every way possible because you didn't know where the water was either. The sound of the water was now muted and you couldn't feel anything in front of you. That was when you made contact with the cool smooth surface of the rocks. Your eyes were slowly adjusting in the dark but then you realized that the black crystals were glowing again. There was a pang of nervousness when you see your reflection looking back at you. She smiled a devious grin and you backed away and bumped into something. You turned and it was Obi-Wan.

"Stars! You must have hit your head so hard," he tsked. You were stunned to see him back in front of you. "What did you see?" He asked squinting his eyes toward the reflection.

"Don't look Obi-Wan please," you pushed on his chest but he collided with something behind him. He was also startled and you backed away. The black crystal had manifested around the both of you.

"What's the matter with you?" He placed his hand on the crystal and he frowned. There was a dim soft glow and you noticed a muscle twinge in his jaw. You looked at what he was looking at and it was not a reflection of him but of you. You looked in front of you and instead of seeing yourself, it was of him. Your head was spinning from the changes so you had to crouch down. You thought to yourself that he must have seen what you were seeing.

When you looked up at the reflection, the glow was back. Your vision was foggy like you were staring at a mirror after a hot shower and behind you was Obi-Wan getting down on his knees. It caused you to hold your breath and sit still. He placed his gloved hand on the crook of your neck. You start wondering if this was part of your mind playing tricks or it was what the crystal was showing you. No, you felt his hand on your neck, and then you felt his beard by your ear. The prickly sensation made you shiver. This was too good to be true.

"I saw it," he whispered on your skin. "It's okay."

"We need to get out of here," you clenched your thighs together. You never heard him speak in that tone before and what it did to you was oh so good.

"We will," he pressed a kiss on your neck. The gentle embrace of his other arm held you in place. Your arms stuck to your sides and whole body trembling. "Please darling let me in. Just this once." His blue eyes looked at you in the reflection. You closed your eyes and let out a whimper as he continues to kiss down your neck and on your exposed shoulder where the sleeve was torn. Is this real?

"This is all an illusion Obi-Wan," you opened your eyes once again and he was focused on you. "You aren't really here."

"Yes I am," he moved his other free hand and squeezes your waist pulling you back against him. "I'm here can't you feel me?" Oh, you did feel him. Hard and pressed up against you.

"This is wrong Obi-Wan," you were breathing hard as he moved his other hand down the side of your body. It was tantalizing and you were so tempted. You stared at the reflection. It was a sight to see. Obi-Wan's hair flopped down on his forehead and the lighting gave his face shadows and it did things to you. This was an image you always dreamed about. He pressed his cheek against your neck and smiled. Once again his gloved hand made its way to hold your chin and held you in place. "Please." It was a pathetic sound that came out of your mouth. He sucked on the skin and the beard was an added sensation.

"Yes, my sweet one?" he whispered. You turned your own head to meet his eyes but when you do you let out a scream. His eyes were dark and hollowed out.

You sat up in a frenzy and were surprised to see that another Obi-Wan was right in front of you. He appeared to look out of breath as well. He was still soaking wet from your drop down into the dark pool and he reached out to you. "What in Maker's name was that?" he could only mutter it. "Did I hurt you?" You were confused until now. However, you were sure it was the real him.

"No what did you see?" you wanted to just get away from this. It was feeding your desires.

"It was nothing," he got up and looked around. "You would not appreciate it." You saw that the black crystal wall was no longer surrounding you. The images you saw were being tucked away in the back of your head. You kept quiet while Obi-Wan thought of a plan to get out. Your mind was too clouded with thoughts that no strategies came up. It took a few tries, but now Obi-Wan was maneuvering his way out of the rocks.  You followed in suit and he warned you about the slippery rocks.

"I got it," you whispered. Both of you balanced your way by the walls and tried climbing up but it was no use.

"Come here," he said and that caught you off guard at first but he motioned that he was going to lift you up to the closest edge.

"This won't work," you said but you obeyed him anyway. You step on his hands and launched you up before you catch the ledge. "Kriff!" You screamed. The pain from your fall shot through you. Obi-Wan supported your legs and kept you up as you tried shimming your way on the ledge.

"Are you alright up there?" he reached up and you take his hand.

"Perfectly splendid," you said through gritted teeth and you pull him up as well. He examined your expression and realized that you looked tired and cold. You honestly had enough and just wanted to rest after the events that happened.

"We'll rest here. We are hidden," he removed his outer robes and handed them to you. You wrapped it around yourself and took in his scent. He watched as you huddled against the rocks and he leaned back against the other side. "We might have to climb the entire way back up. So rest up." You closed your eyes and just turned to your side.

*:·ﾟ✧

You wake up and were unsure how long you've been asleep. The hood of Obi-Wan's robe was over your head and once you removed it you turned to see that he was also passed out from exhaustion. His head was leaning against the rocks and you just stared at him. You felt his energy in the force and you didn't know why you actively sought that out at the moment. It had low vibrations meaning he was not even aware that you were already awake. This whole mission tired him out. Not knowing what exactly you were trying to do, you moved a little closer and lifted your hand towards him with the purpose of finding out what he saw.

It felt wrong but you had to know. His defense was still down and you gently grasped at his recent memories. You were immediately launched into his point of view. Harsh breathing and whimpering. You blinked a couple of times before you saw your self sprawled on all fours on the edge of the black crystal formation. Obi-Wan was grasping your hips and pounding into you with slow but purposeful strokes. Your robes were skewed and he leaned down pressing his robbed chest against you. "Master please don't stop," you whimpered from underneath him. You were watching this with widened eyes. His deepest and darkest desire was a moment like this. He had his gloved hand grab your neck and pulled you back so you were on your knees and flat against him.

"Look at me in the reflection darling," he smirked and that sent a wave of arousal through your own body. You obeyed and he whispered a well done in your ear. He quickened his pace rolling his hips against yours and you were moaning out for more. Your body bounced up and down on his cock. You were loud and even you were surprised by this. Never in your life did you hear yourself like that. He moved his thumb on your lips and parted them before he slipped it in. You begin to nibble on it and the sensation probably sent more pleasure to Obi-Wan because he shivered as he thrust into your aching core. You were craving for what was going to come next but you sensed the memory fading. All at once, it disappeared and you were facing a flustered Obi-Wan. His eyes were wide and lips parted.

"I am so sorry," you backed away and he couldn't speak. "That was so wrong of me." You had nowhere to go and a blush was creeping up on your face. You can see his chest rising and falling.

"Don't be sorry," he whispered. Did he want you to see that? The both of you were just a few feet away from each other and it took every part of you not to reach out to him. Your body was aching just for him and he knew that. Once again your mind kept saying no that this was a bad idea but your legs continued to press hard against one another. Your heart racing as you picture what he saw.

"This never happened between us," you looked him in the eyes as he moved towards you. His hand hovered over your waist and moved up to your shoulder and his gloved finger traced your collarbone.

"What did?" He whispers on your lips and a hand gripping your neck.

Next Chapter

[sid471]

Fate: Winx the Saga from someone who didn’t watch Winx Club

My friend made an actually GOOD post about this as someone who IS just a massive dork about Winx Club. So for a fans perspective here ya go :3 https://alric-usami.tumblr.com/post/641430679160340480/in-defense-of-fate-the-winx-saga show’im some love :3 Also unlike my friend this isn’t spoiler free. So, if you haven’t seen Fate and wanna give it a shot don’t read under the cut and if you didn’t watch Fate and you read it anyway... don’t get mad at me <_<

Now, if you’re still here, you’ve decided you don’t care about spoilers, you’ve seen the show, or haven’t seen the show and you’re stubborn <_<. Regardless, time for an opinion that doesn’t matter 😊. 

I watched all 6 episodes and gotta say that I... Actually really enjoyed it :3. I understand the complaints, the lack of diversity... kinda sucks. It’s 2021 c’mon now >_> but everything else I liked watching 😗 Though I DO wish Bloom being a Changeling was revealed later. Rather than... ya know.... the first episode. That being said, DID really like when she called her mom and dad the second time. It was a sweet moment ☺️. I’ll get more into that later :3

Now, let’s get into the nitty gritty shall we? :3

I didn’t have any expectations going in. I hadn’t seen Winx and all I knew about it, even as I write this, I got from the above mentioned friend. I knew nothing is my point lol. So, looking at it as a show rather than an adaptation, I REALLY enjoyed it. It had nice visuals, acting was solid all round, music was a little cliche at times but I still liked it 😗

SO as previously mentioned, Bloom is a changeling. And also like I said I wish that revelation had been made a little later, but I also like how the season went over all so... Hmm... Conflicted. Bloom’s turmoil after finding out the truth, I thought, was handled very well. I’m sure some people would say she like... was bitchy and closed off. Which she was 🤷🏻‍♂️ But fuckin... She’s 16 .-. Of course she’s gonna lash out >_> And also even if she WASN’T 16... She’s still finding out the people who raised her aren’t really her parents ._. Anyway, speaking of her parents, we don’t know her parents well, but I still liked them ^_^ They had a pretty good amount of sweet moments with Bloom. Like the aforementioned 2nd call scene. The one where she went back to her house and watched them? It was a very sweet talk and I loved it 🙂. Verdict: Bloom, and her parents, good 😗 :3

 Aisha, loved her and how her friendship with Bloom went ^_^. They had their rough spots, but at the end of the day they were still by each other’s side. And that’s what friendship’s about :3 Having their back even when you disagree with them 🙂 And even WHEN Bloom was being standoffish and secretive, Aisha made the effort to say “Hey. You can talk to me about anything. You know that right?” And you can tell it’s heartfelt and just ;-; ya know? :3 Though, admittedly, was a little iffy when she snitched to Farah but it worked out 😗. ALSO! Her protecting Bloom while she transformed? First of all, amazing sequence 😁 Second of all, that scene showed that even if Bloom is being reckless and, well, a main character lol, Aisha will have her back. And if you don’t have a best friend who’ll support you even when you’re acting like a Fantasy Main Character, what’s the point >_> Also side note, I LOVED that transformation sequence so much? I really like how they did it. I like that it didn’t... well... feel like a cartoon. Because like this ISN’T a cartoon. An over the top transformation LIKE an animation woulda been outta place and weird .-. Anyway, Verdict: We stan Aisha here :3

Terra. Oh Terra I just... Adore her ☺️ she’s so so so cute and sweet ^_^ She doesn’t deserve how Dane treated her >_> I’ll get to Dane in a little bit. But yeah Terra is just adorable. How can you NOT like her? She’s an adorable bad ass. Who doesn’t love an adorable bad ass :3 Verdict: Terra gets a million hugs from me :3

Stella. I’m not gonna lie, I was fully ready for Stella to be a stereotypical mean girl and was disappointed when it looked like that was the route they were going. But then they gave Stella ✨depth✨. Which we love to see ^_^. Stella surprised me with how much I ended up liking her. Stella was taught that negative emotions are all that matter in magic, which obviously isn’t true, but her mother is an arrogant bitch who only sees power >_> When Stella was telling Musa the story of how she blinded Ricki, she said that it was an accident and she didn’t mean to, but her mother thought it was better for her if everyone thought it was on purpose. Because “At least if it was on purpose, I wasn’t weak.”. So Queen Luna sucks <_< Which I know isn’t the case in the cartoon but in this she does. I actually like that they SHOWED that kind of strained relationship.

I saw it as kind of a foil to Bloom’s relationship with HER mother. Bloom and her mom had a somewhat negative relationship too, because Bloom wanted to stay inside and was pretty reclusive, mood, which her mom didn’t like so she tried to force her to go out. But the difference between Vanessa and Luna is that Vanessa DOES care about Bloom and listened to her. Luna, even when Stella TRIED to tell her a feat she considered great, blinding the Burned One, which IS great and awesome ^_^ But the Queen still wasn’t impressed. Verdict: Stella had a rocky start, but I love her now :3.... And Queen Luna... Not so much >_> She’s a bitch and not even like... a fun bitch <_< Although the revelation that because Luna and Stella are both Light fairies they can “control what people see” was not something I considered and it was REALLY cool.

Musa! I... Kinda resonated with Musa a lot actually. I may not have empathic powers that let me feel people’s emotions, but I know what she went through with her mom. My mom is still alive, thankfully, but she could’ve died from a stroke had I not acted. It was 2 years ago now, but I still think about what could’ve happened. And it’s noooot fun >_>. Anyway, back to Musa. Musa being an empath is something I really enjoyed. Honestly, I think I’d prefer empath!Musa over sound!Musa even if the latter is closer to canon. I just think Musa is an awesome character ^_^. I also loved how she steeled herself and helped Sam with the Burned One infection. That was honestly beautifully done. She may not be the most useful in a fight, but you don’t have to fight to be a bad bitch that’s what I say 😙. Verdict: Musa is a kin character :3

Beatrix. This bitch.... I adore her she’s so FUCKING cool! I love a good villain, if you’ve stumbled across my page before you know that lol, and Beatrix ticks everything I need to be character to add to my stan list. Watching her do her thing is like... It’s art ._. She fuckin EXPERTLY goes from Farah fangirl, to diligent student, to Riven’s girl, to ruthless villain and I LOVE that! I love a villain who’s both strong and smart :3 Especially if they’re female because I like bad bitches doing bad bitch things ^_^ Verdict, if it wasn’t clear: LOVE her. Amazing. Onto the Stan List she goes :3

Dane. *sigh* Dane... Is a character I have complicated feelings for >_>. I liked him a lot at first. I liked him and Terra’s friendship they were adorable :3 But then uh... Then Riven fucked him up <_< Listen man I agree Riven is hot but he ain’t worth hurting the first friend you ever made <_> Although a Riven, Dane, Beatrix throuple situation...... Is something I could get behind 👀. Because Dane likes both Riven and Beatrix, Riven likes Beatrix, and Beatrix... Is blatantly just using them but hey better to have 2 boyfriends who’ll do whatever you want than none 😊 Verdict: ... I liked him at first, thought him and Terra would be dorky friends, but then uh.... no >_> Terra deserves better <_<

Riven. Hate’im. Hate’im, hate’im, hate’im 🙄. He may be friends with the bi Dane but he REEKS... of homophobic jock energy. Of “I’m cool if you’re gay man just don’t hit on me dude.” vibes >_> Which like... I know seems ironic considering he literally flirted with Dane. But like... I dunno he just has so much homophobic energy it just... cancels out 😶. “But you JUST said you’d be okay with a Dane, Riven, Beatrix throuple” I did. And I still stand by that. But Riven would need some work before that <_< Like... an arc of him coming to terms with himself having feelings for both Dane AND Beatrix. y’know like that. I think it’d be cool. :3 Verdict: Riven sucks, but has a little bit 🤏 of potential. Also, all that being said, I don’t think Riven is REALLY a bad dude. I just think..... He wants Beatrix’s puss a little too much <_<

Sky. Sky... Is... Fine. He’s a fine character. I didn’t really feel a LOT for him. I just thought of him as Bloom’s love interest and like that’s it. Don’t get me wrong, he had some sad moments and I felt for him in those moments. But overall... Sky was just... fine. Verdict: He’s okay. I don’t really have a lotta feelings about him though.

Headmistress Farah Dowling. PHEW my feelings toward Farah... were a bit of a rollercoaster. I liked her, then I didn’t, then I was suspicious of her, then I liked her again, then she got her neck snapped.... soooo. But, that being said, I DO like Farah and I hope that she’s alive somehow in Season 2 :3. I like the variety in her powers. She has water, electricity, mind, maybe even fire, we love the variety ^_^ I was gonna say diversity but that’s kind of a sensitive word here. Verdict: Farah is an old baddie. And we love to see it 😗

Headmaster Silva. He... gives me Atlesian vibes >_>... I know fans of winx won’t know what I’m talking about, unless ya also watch RWBY. But with how he kept saying to Sky like “when you’re given orders you follow them without question.”, little hypocritical huh buddy, rubbed me the wrong way <_< Especially BECAUSE, yeah, it’s a little hypocritical when he didn’t follow his orders from Rosalind. Which I would also defy her orders, but then when YOU defy orders for the greater good, don’t then spread “Follow orders no matter what >_>”. Which, okay before you say it, I KNOW that he defied orders for the sake of saving the, seemingly innocent, people of Aster Dell, and they still died. But still... Spreading the follow orders no matter what thing is just kinda... an over correction, in my opinion at least. Verdict: Silva is... Okay. I like him... enough ya know? I like’im enough to hope he comes back to Alfea.

Rosalind. Rosalind... Is a villain with a lotta potential. I like her a lot so far. She’s obviously very powerful, and she seems... to wanna help Bloom? I mean for her own selfish gain of obtaining the Dragon Fire but still... A villain who partially wants to HELP the hero, is kinda interesting 😗 Also, I like how ruthless she can be. I knew she manipulative like straight from the memory that Bloom had. I immediately was like “I don’t trust this old lady >_>” But her levitating Farah and SNAPPING her neck... Oof. Chills. Verdict: I look forward to seeing where she goes :3

Final Conclusion: Fate: Winx the Saga, purely as a show, is very good in my opinion. whether you’ve watched Winx Club or not, I suggest giving it a try and going in with an opened mind. You may even find a new favorite show :3... Okay that may be pushing it lol. But it’s very good if you like fantasy, magic, and bad ass female characters 😗

[lavender-lotion]

3, 4, 16 (DON'T say cherik), 22, 28

oh my god i absolutely hate you for asking me these aha you’re my favourite person in the entire world 

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

to date, it’s been X-Men (alt timeline movies, ofc) despite the rocky beginning I had. in this fandom I’ve learned so much about my own writing, and my writing style has grown SO greatly since I first joined and has taken shape into... well whatever the hell it is now, which is something I really like (most of the time)!

I fairly quickly created a small, tight circle of people I really enjoy being around in this fandom, and have since cultivated my own little fandom space that I really, really enjoy. it’s filled with people I love chatting with, people as open-minded as accepting as I am, and it’s a place that I strive to make feel welcoming for all who join, as well! I run an 18+ X-Men Alternative Timeline Movies focused discord, so if you’re interested, join us here! 

I am trying to branch back out into The Fandom a little more after feeling a type of way for some time, and I’m honestly enjoying that a lot too! it’s been interesting to follow some more folk, and I’m really happy to see my dash start to thicken up after being close to barren for so long. 

currently, I have a small group of close friends I care a great deal for (hi, Mid!) that has absolutely made this fandom into one of the best i’ve been involved in. 

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

very very very simplified and slightly unture answer: no. every single bad experience has taught me something that I’ve carried into my other fandom experiences, just like life lmao, but for more of a meaty answer to this question: yes. 

so much yes. 

I have SO MUCH regret around teen wolf, actually, for so many different reasons, but I’ve also learned SO much. seeing a server ran in a way I Did Not Like has helped me better mod my own fandom spaces, and I am very anti-totalitarianism and am VERY against showing abject favouritism to specific members, while I also always try incredibly hard to ensure no one feels ignored. I was reminded of how finicky friendships are, and learned not to be the person who puts in the sole work to keep ‘em going (and how to recognize if I am) because... when you stop the friendship might stop, too. I learned NOT to hit on close friends, no matter how much I might want to, and I learned the importance of open, clear and precise communication in romantic endeavours, which was actually a very good life lesson because I’d never been in a situation that could teach me it before. I’ve learned, or, am LEARNING, not to let personal experiences with one-on-one relationships taint my view of a fandom—this one is hard, and is something I am trying very, very hard to work through as I’ve recently been hit with a very strong and very sudden wave of inspiration for teen wolf.

but like, with that all said, I still absolutely LOVE the teen wolf fandom and have had so many amazing amazing amazing experiences that I wouldn’t change for all the bad, and that the bad experiences are really localized to the ship-focused spaces I was in and the personal relationships that I had, NOT with the fandom as a whole which I am slowly dipping my toes back into! I learned so much about myself and my writing during my time in the fandom, and that is another thing I absolutely wouldn’t change for the world. I am over the moon that I’m writing here again, honestly, and the reception I’ve gotten has been SO insanely amazing. 

starker is another one I regret-but-don’t-totally-regret-because-I-learned-shit. starker taught me the importance of 18+ fan spaces, and showed me what can happen when people... aren’t careful. when mods are minors themselves. I learned that cross-generational nsfw spaces are a RED flag, and that they mean GET OUT, and that anyone who would willingly allow minors and adults to mingle over explicit content are people I Do Not Want To Be Around. I learned a lot about myself there on an interpersonal scale, and I found out a lot about my sexuality and kink preferences, too (which was a wild time). while I do very much enjoy the lessons I learned from being in the space I was in, I could do without some of the more negative things I witnessed, even if they taught me a lot. 

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

SINCE I CAN’T SAY CHERIK I’m going to have to dig a little deeper and talk about Sterek, lmao. I was really, really, really into Sterek starting around... 2014? I read... fuck tons. absolutely insane amounts of Sterek fic. and I wanna say... around 2015? maybe? there was a really popular trope in Sterek, wherein Derek would push Stiles away (by being mean, by pretending to date one of the Pack (usually Erica), by bullying him, by telling him the pack didn’t want him, etc, etc) so that he could... keep Stiles safe? it almost always went the same way. there is a threat no one told Stiles about, Derek did “what he had to do” to keep Stiles safe (i.e cutting him off from all his friends and massive, obvious crush) and then when Stiles got hurt, the pack would come to his rescue and save him (only after Stiles got a little beat up), and then Derek would care for him, or not leave his side, or check up on him, and Stiles would wonder why he cared after everything that had happened and... bam. Derek would admit his undying love. And Stiles would just like forgive him and they’d get together and be happily ever after as a pack and...

that was so damaging lmao??? I can’t even tell you how many fics fitting into this trope that I read, to the point where I was like... “wow Derek loves Stiles so much he’s such an amazing person for keeping him safe by pushing him away and making him feel isolated and alone and hated” BUT LIKE WHAT. WHAT. that’s horrible??? so so so horrible??? I am so fucking thankful it isn’t something I really saw too much of when I came back around to the fandom around 2017, but.... oh boy. for a ship that I considered an OTP and read like the entire tag of, I have VERY few sterek fics of substance (when compared to the rest of my teen wolf writing) and this is the reason why. 

this trope and it’s absolutely ludicrous popularity a few years ago really, really turned me off the ship. 

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

content-wise: no. very, very easy no. I don’t regret any of the pairings or kinks I’ve written & I don’t think I ever will (I’m very anti-shame, lmao. if you like it, flaunt it). 

but... I do regret some of the emotional labour I’ve put into works? the emotional attachment I have with certain fics, or genres, or pairings, and how I’ve tied them to a specific person or persons. like, I can’t write ageplay anymore, because of how strong the association of ageplay is to someone I cared for deeply and no longer have in my life (and even if I ever manage to write it in general, I’ll never be able to write Steter ageplay). I have 13k of a fic that was supposed to be a surprise gift to a close friend that I hadn’t heard from in... ages, to the point where I gave up on sending the occasional monthly-message. I have one thing I wrote for a dear friend (who never interacted with it) and now I can’t help but feel like the story is awful, despite not doing horrifically stat-wise.  

I write because I love it. I write for people I care about, because writing is a labour of love, and it’s a way I can show them how much I care for them, but... sometimes that bites me in the ass, I guess. 

I’m working on it, lol. 

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

god okay there is NOTHING better than the idea of this. I’ve had a few mood boards made for me here and there, which are always SO loved and cherished and massively appreciated down to my BONES, but I don’t know if I’ve... ever really gotten fan art? I had someone make some really, really cool like... OG bit-moji type art of a couple of my fics, which is amazing and I have it on my phone still, and @hd-hale once drew me a GORGEOUS sheriff stilinski inspired by Daddies’R’Us, but to get FAN ART i would CRY lmao

right now, I think something from to love and be loved by you would feel really, really extra special because even at 6/17 chapters posted, it’s my longest work ever. what would it be a picture of?? hell if i fucking know but probably something that hasn’t happened yet, lmao

[arnoldjaime13]

Blog Tour- BETRAYER by @ANConway With An Excerpt & #Giveaway! @RockstarBkTours

 I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the BETRAYER by Nicole Conway Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

 About The Book:

Title: BETRAYER (The Dragonrider Heritage #2)

Author: Nicole Conway

Pub. Date: February 23, 2020

Publisher: Broadfeather Books

Formats: Paperback, eBook, Audiobook

Pages: 352

Find it: Goodreads, Amazon, Kindle, B&N, TBD, Bookshop.org

Read for FREE with a Kindle Unlimited Membership!

The darkest secrets of Murdoc’s violent past may be their last hope.

As pressure mounts to find the Tibran witch, Devana, Thatcher and his companions struggle to regroup after discovering Phillip’s bitter betrayal. Forced into hiding while they await a new plan of attack from Prince Judan's network of spies, tensions rise and threaten to tear their company apart. Murdoc knows every second they linger risks another attack from the vicious Ulfrangar Assassins or Phillip, but Reigh is determined to stay and await new instructions.

With two of his closest friends now locked in a battle of wills, Thatcher is caught in the middle—until a surprise assault by the Ulfrangar drags him into the darkest depths of their brutal order. Faced with a life-and-death race against time, Murdoc is the only one who might be able to save him now. But for Murdoc, taking up an assassin’s blade again to fight the same order that trained him will also mean facing the worst demons of his past.

Can Murdoc finally rise above his bloody past and save his only friend? Or does destiny have a new path in store for an assassin-turned-hero?

 About Book 1:

Title: HUNTER (The Dragonrider Heritage #1)

Author: Nicole Conway

Pub. Date: November 24, 2020

Publisher: Broadfeather Books

Formats: Paperback, eBook, Audiobook

Pages: 352

Find it: Goodreads, Amazon, Kindle, Audible, B&N, TBD, Bookshop.org

Read for FREE with a Kindle Unlimited Membership!

One boy must earn the trust of a blind dragon and hunt down an elusive sorceress before she can rekindle the war that nearly destroyed their world.

As the Kingdom of Maldobar emerges victorious from the brutal invasion of the Tibran Empire, much of the land is left in utter ruin. With his home destroyed and family gone, 16-year-old Thatcher Renley has no one left to turn to. And when he’s mistaken for a Tibran soldier and banished to a wartime prison camp, Thatcher knows his only hope for freedom lies in appealing to Queen Jenna directly.

But getting out of the prison camp might be the least of his worries— especially after he stumbles across a feral dragon locked in an iron cell.

As far as dragons go, Fornax is a lost cause. The battle that killed his rider also left him blind and too aggressive for any knight to control. But Thatcher can’t deny feeling drawn to the beast. Does he have what it takes to calm Fornax and join the proud ranks of Maldobar’s dragonriders? Only time will tell. And with a bloodthirsty Tibran witch threatening to rekindle the chaos of war, everyone’s time may be running out.

 Excerpt

PART ONE

Murdoc

Chapter One

Thatcher Renley was, by far, the biggest idiot I had ever met in my entire life—and that’s saying something, because I’d also met Prince Reigh Farrow. He was in a close second. But at least he had enough common sense to know that this so-called hunt Queen Jenna and Jaevid Broadfeather had sent us on was essentially a glorified suicide mission. We were charging straight into a fight with a largely unknown Tibran witch, armed with only fragments of information about her abilities and location. And if that weren’t enough, there were only three competent fighters among our group—dragons included.

Granted, Reigh could manage decently against common enemies. He’d apparently been trained in combat by the Gray Elves, and their scouts had recently improved in their fighting ability. They must’ve stumbled across someone with an actual brain who was now training their scouts and warriors. Knowing that, Reigh had probably held his own fairly well in Luntharda. But we were a long way from the wild jungle, and sooner or later, that temper of his was going to cost him.

Phoebe was … well. Hmm. Perplexing, I guess. She fluttered around with her mad storm of red curls flying, bubbling like an excited child about the projects she was working on, and radiating a relentless optimism that sort of made me sick to my stomach after a while. Not that she annoyed me, really. It was just strange to be around someone that persistently happy all the time. Happiness wasn’t something I’d had much experience with.

Which brings me back to the biggest moron of them all who, unfortunately, was now both my primary concern and the bane of my existence. Thatcher was astronomically stupid. Honestly, it was staggering he’d survived as long as he had without someone following him around, smacking his hand whenever he was about to try something dangerous. He’d volunteered for this mission without having any combat training of any kind. He was a farrier’s son, for crying out loud, and was essentially the human personification of a dandelion puff. Short, scrawny, wide-eyed, and baby-faced—he didn’t have a prayer of surviving this mess unless someone watched over him constantly.

How, by all the Gods and Fates, I had wound up being that person was still beyond my understanding.

Ugh. Fine, fine. I’d done it by choice, I suppose. Sort of, anyway. I mean, sure, I could have left him there in that alleyway in Thornbend to die along with most of the other peasants and villagers. Maybe that would’ve been kinder in the long run—especially if we were all soaring toward a gruesome death right now. Still, in that moment, with all the world swallowed up in flames and that pitiful kid on the ground at my feet, I’d looked into his eyes as he spoke to me, offering me a different path I’d craved for so long. And I’d realized … no one had ever talked to me that way before. Like I was someone and not something. No one had ever treated me that way. No one had ever looked at me and regarded me like … a person.

So, I’d made a rash and irrevocable decision. A mistake, probably. But then again, I’d been swallowing back hopes of escaping that life—the life of an Ulfrangar assassin—for as long as I could remember. That night in Thornbend had been my first real opportunity. The only catch was, of course, keeping the baby-faced kid who kept calling me “friend” alive, too.

Thatcher treated everyone that way, though. It’s like there was no room in his mind for the possibility that a person really could be evil. Shocking, considering the vacant way he stared at me sometimes—like you could pass a twig through his ear and it would come out the other side and not hit anything in between.

At first, I’d just assumed he was incredibly sheltered or naïve. Maybe he was. But after our experience with Phoebe, finding out that she had been a Tibran, I’d expected him to reject her entirely. Anyone else probably would have. Whether out of shame or fear, she’d kept that information from everyone.

But Thatcher had insisted on helping her. He’d forgiven her without a second thought. He was stupid, yes. But he was also far kinder than anyone could ever deserve.

Least of all me.

He still called me his friend like it was nothing. He laughed and chatted with me as though he genuinely enjoyed my company and wanted me around. He kept chasing after me whenever I tried to put some safe distance between us. Didn’t he get it? Couldn’t he sense it at all? I was not a good person. I never had been. I’d accepted a long time ago that no matter where I went or what I did, the pack—the Ulfrangar—would always own me. They’d carved their mark upon my soul from the very beginning and nothing could erase it. Deep down, I would always be one of them.

Even now, sitting behind Reigh astride his lithe green dragon, the weight of their presence crushed down over my body from every side. They were everywhere and nowhere. They moved in shadow, lived in anonymity, and thrived on the constant stream of the world’s darkest secrets. There was no place I could hide, nowhere I could go that they wouldn’t be able to reach.

The more I thought about it, the harder it was to justify why I’d let Jaevid set me free—even if I knew the answer already. Because of Thatcher, the idiot. No one seemed to know what he’d done to provoke Devana and her new monstrous minion, Phillip. Maybe nothing. And honestly, I didn’t care. It didn’t matter. They wouldn’t put a hand on him if I had anything to say about it. He’d called me a friend—someone who was like a brother to him—and that was enough. It was more than anyone else had ever done for me my entire life.

We cruised, riding the strong winds coming in from the sea along the eastern coastline. The tower of Eastwatch faded behind us, and far below, small villages and towns dotted the hills. Most were a safe distance from the steep cliffs that dropped into the toiling dark ocean—places where wild dragons liked to nest. But the farther we flew to the north, the more the cliffs gave way to rocky beaches. Fishing towns were built right up against the banks amidst the clusters of odd, hexagonal basalt columns and massive trunks of washed-up driftwood from Luntharda’s giant trees.

Dayrise stood just a few miles inland, stretching all the way to the sea where a large port was packed tight with big merchant ships. The vessels cruised in from the open sea, white sails puffed and banners fluttering high as flocks of seagulls chased them in. Most were probably owned by merchants happy to be sailing their trade routes again now that the Tibran war was over.

Not that I’d ever been to Dayrise myself, honestly. The Ulfrangar network spanned far beyond Maldobar’s borders, but the territory I’d been assigned to work was back down on the southern tip of the kingdom. I’d never had any reason to journey this far north.

Too bad it didn’t make me feel the least bit more secure.

A glimmer caught my eye far in the distance off our right side—the tell-tale flash of sunlight over glossy scales. A dragon. He was far off, maybe three miles on our tail, and had been since we left Eastwatch. From so far away, I couldn’t tell much else. Maybe it was just a security escort from the dragonriders keeping an eye on us from afar. Maybe it was a curious wild drake that’d caught wind of the dragoness in our group and was interested in her. I didn’t know.

And when it came to being followed, I hated not knowing.

The sight of those faraway scale flashes and the faint shape of great dark wings flapping put a pang of dread like a cold iron spike in my gut. I looked away and set my teeth against the rush of adrenaline that made my skin tingle and my heart pound like mad. I’d have to mention it to the others eventually. But not yet. I needed more information, first. To be sure this wasn’t some arrangement Jaevid had put in place because, well, he now knew what I was. He had every reason to be concerned and to want to keep a close eye on things.

Or on me, rather.

Reigh started our descent as we neared the city’s outer limits. I had no idea where we were supposed to go or who Jaevid Broadfeather had waiting for us. Hopefully not another noble with an estate we might accidentally burn down. Well, sort of accidentally, anyway. And technically we hadn’t been the one doing the burning, but I digress. Whatever. Burned is burned, I suppose.

Unlike Eastwatch, the city of Dayrise wasn’t one visited by dragonriders on military orders on a regular basis. There was no towering spire meant to house soldiers and mounts looming over the rooftops, and no high city walls topped with battlements. Not that we got any strange looks as our dragons circled outside the city’s outer limits. In fact, there were more than a dozen sizable inns crowded around the main roads leading in and out of the city’s tightly packed streets. Many of them were flanked by massive barns two or three stories tall intended to house dragons.

Reigh chose one closer to the port on the western side of the city and guided his green dragoness into a smooth landing. She cupped her wings and stretched out her hind legs, landing on the grass as elegantly as a swan on a pond.

Thatcher’s much larger orange drake landed next to us, shaking his black-horned head and puffing unhappy snorts through his nose. The dragon curled his long, striped tail around his legs and bristled, small ears turned back as those milky green eyes darted around.

I frowned. Thatcher trusted that beast wholeheartedly. But I’d seen it drag him across the horizon like caught prey once already. Thatcher had been lucky to walk away from that ordeal—luckier than anyone else seemed to want to acknowledge.

“Let’s get Vexi and Fornax settled here and find our contact,” Reigh called back to me as he straightened in the saddle. He pulled off his helmet, nearly slapping me in the face with the end of his long, sweaty braid in the process.

“This is an old city,” I muttered as I studied the road ahead that led into the narrow cobblestone streets. “Places like this tend to be dangerous after dark, and there’s only a few hours of daylight left. We should go quickly.”

He unbuckled and dismounted first, then stood sorting through his saddlebags while I climbed down. “I agree. Which is why I’m leaving you in charge of this.” Reigh took out a small drawstring purse, poured a few gold coins into his palm then tied it shut again and tossed it in my direction. “Our contact is supposed to meet us at the sign for the Crosswall Docks. They’re probably already waiting on us. Think you can find it? Taverns with dragon accommodations are harder to come by here, and we need to keep a low profile—meaning, we stay away from the ones farther into the city. So, I’ll settle up for the dragons here and meet you there.”

The purse jangled when I caught it, as though there were still quite a few coins tucked away inside. “You expect that to take a while? We need to stay together.” It wouldn’t take that long, of course. I knew that as well as he did—meaning he had another motive for wanting a few minutes alone.

“I’ve got some letters to send back to Luntharda. Shouldn’t take me more than an hour,” he replied, bowing his head to hide his face as he crammed the handful of coins into his pocket. Reigh’s emotions ran so close to the surface, it was ridiculously easy to read him even with his face angled away. Judging by the scarlet color his ears were turning, these must have been personal letters. Letters to a girl, most likely. Love letters. Ugh.

He would’ve made a terrible assassin.

“And who is it that I’m supposedly looking for at the docks?” I pocketed the bag of coins and ran a hand through my hair, trying in vain to get it out of my eyes. Months away from my former life had allowed it to grow out longer than it’d ever been before. I’d have to fix that soon.

Reigh’s expression scrunched as though he were trying to think—emphasis on trying. Complex thought didn’t seem to be one of his stronger qualities. “He didn’t say specifically. Just that we’re looking for another Broadfeather. His brother, probably. I can’t recall his first name, but I met him briefly after the war ended.”

“If we go on ahead, how do you intend to find us later?” I arched an eyebrow.

He shrugged. “Looking for someone named Broadfeather at Crosswall Docks? That’s plenty to go on. I’m sure someone can point me in the right direction.”

Fair point. A last name like that was one people generally remembered, after all.

“Did you see all the ships?” a sing-song voice chimed suddenly. Phoebe practically fluttered over to stand beside me, her red curls bobbing around her and her big, blue eyes shimmering with excitement. “Aren’t they beautiful? Can we go see them up close?”

Reigh’s entire demeanor soured as he stood straighter. “Didn’t see enough of them while you were sailing around with the Tibrans, conquering other kingdoms and slaughtering their people?” He growled every word through his teeth as he leered down at her.

She shrank back some, almost like she might duck behind me if he made a move toward her. “O-Oh, um, well, no. I mean, yes, I did have to sail with them. But Lord Argonox didn’t allow me to leave my cell or go up onto the deck during—” She stopped short and went quiet. Her brows drew together as she flicked speedy, nervous glances around everyone. “I-I’m sorry,” she stammered at last, as though she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Reigh didn’t respond. Instead, he glowered down at her with his mouth mashed into a tight frown. His light amber eyes flashed with a mixture of wrath and what I could only guess was withheld terror.

I’d seen that look before from my Ulfrangar handler whenever I’d challenged or defied him, as though for the briefest instant he wasn’t sure if he should hold his ground or flee. And while I could sympathize to a degree—after all, Phoebe had apparently been the one in charge of all the magical experimentation for the Tibran Empire—she was about as threatening as a freshly-cut daisy on her own. She probably weighed seventy pounds to his one hundred and fifty or so.

Awkward silence hung in the air until Thatcher drifted over to join us, sporting his usual, blissfully vacant grin. “Are we staying here for the night?” he asked cheerily. “I’ve never stayed at an inn before. I thought Jaevid had arranged for us to stay with someone in the city?”

With a tight sigh, Reigh spun on a heel and gestured for Thatcher to follow him. “He did, but we’ve got to get the dragons settled and I’m betting yours will need extra assistance. So, come with me. Murdoc, you can take her and find our host. We’ll catch up.”

     Phoebe didn’t say a word for a long time as she followed along close beside me. Lugging her bag of gear over my shoulder, I tried not to look her way more than necessary. According to Thatcher, I gave the impression that I was glaring whenever I stared at someone for too long. No need to make it worse.

Besides, one glance was all it took. The distant fogginess in her eyes as she stared down at the sidewalk put an uncomfortable tightness in my chest. I should say something, right? That was the normal thing to do. Wasn’t it? Gods and Fates, how was I supposed to know what normal was?

“You should stop apologizing,” I blurted before I could change my mind. My tone came out much harsher than I intended, as usual. Curse it all. I should have kept my mouth shut. Silence was always safer.

Phoebe tripped over an uneven stone. She staggered, and I snapped my free hand out. I seized her arm to hold her steady.

She let out a scream. Not a surprised little yelp—a real, primal, utterly terrified scream. Phoebe went completely stiff in my grasp, blinking up at me with her entire body trembling.

What? Why would she look at me like that—like I was about to do something terrible to her? I’d never raised a hand to her. Was it because she knew I was an Ulfrangar now?

Before I could ask or even say a word, her entire expression suddenly went blank again. Her body relaxed and she glanced around, seeming confused for a moment. “O-Oh! Murdoc! I-I guess you startled me.” She blinked up at me, face flushing almost as red as her hair. The forced, twitchy smile on her lips looked almost painful. “I’m so sor—um, I mean, thank you.”

I slowly let her go. “I … I didn’t mean stop apologizing in general. I meant stop apologizing to Reigh.”

Phoebe swallowed hard. Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she fidgeted with the embroidered hem of her long tunic as her mouth scrunched up. “I, um, well, I mean he is right to hate me. I did—”

“I know what you did,” I interrupted as I began walking again. “Most everyone does now, right? But Queen Jenna forgave you. The Court of Crowns absolved you. You’ve apologized to everyone over and over, including Reigh. You’ve made changes to your life to become something better now. No one can ask any more of you than that.”

“But he still hates me, doesn’t he? He’d probably kill me if you and Thatcher weren’t here.” She trotted to catch up and fall in step next to me like before.

“There’s nothing you can do about that. You can’t change your past or erase what you’ve done. And because of that, some people will always hate you. Even if you do everything right from now on, it still won’t matter to them. They will never be able to see you as anything more than what you were,” I tried to explain without biting every bitter word through my teeth. “But that doesn’t mean you should go on groveling for forgiveness. You’ve done your part. Forgiving you is Reigh’s problem now. So let it go.”

She didn’t respond right away. For a few more blocks, she followed along in total silence while we wound our way through the city’s narrow streets toward the sea. Then I felt the pressure of her wide, blue-eyed gaze on me again. It hit me like the glare of the sun, making my skin tingle. “Aren’t you afraid that people won’t forgive you for being an Ulfrangar?”

I paused at a corner before a broad, open square. In the center, a white stone fountain sprayed ribbons of water around the bust of a man in battle armor. He stood tall and proud, his eyes seemingly focused right on me, with a helmet under his arm while his other hand rested on the pommel of the sword belted at his hip. A dragonrider, most likely. But not one I recognized.

“That’s different. I don’t expect them to forgive me, so it would be pointless to ask for it,” I confessed as I held the statue’s frozen gaze. “The people who know what I’ve done could never truly forgive me. Like King Jace. And the ones who don’t understand only offer their forgiveness because they don’t know any better.” I flicked a look down at her. “Like Thatcher.”

Her mouth scrunched into a dissatisfied little frown. “What about Lord Jaevid, then? He knows, doesn’t he?”

I couldn’t keep the irony from my tone. “No. Not really. He’s gotten a small taste of it, so now he’s suspicious. But he doesn’t understand the extent of what I am.”

“Well, I forgive you, Murdoc,” Phoebe announced, a rebellious crease in her brow. “So which am I, then? Someone who understands? Or someone who doesn’t?”

I had to think about that.

The Tibran Empire had paid hefty sums to hire out Ulfrangar assassins and spies throughout the war. Phoebe had probably seen others like me before, if only in passing. She’d certainly seen all of the evil and unbridled cruelty that could come from a man like Argonox. In fact, she had probably witnessed and experienced more of it than even she could remember. But did she really comprehend what I was? What I’d done to survive up to this point?

“Could you forgive Argonox?” I countered. “Or any of the soldiers who were in charge of keeping you obedient? What about the ones who put those marks on your skin?”

Her face slowly drained of color. “B-But you didn’t do tha—”

“I’m no different from them,” I cut her off quickly. “You strip away the emblems and the banners, the flags and the creeds, and you’re left with the same thing. At its roots, evil is evil, and it doesn’t matter what you dress it up in. That’s why deep down, I’ll always be what the Ulfrangar made me. I’ll carry their darkness in me until the day I die.”

“You really think that?” Her voice was hardly more than a whisper. “You truly believe you’re evil like Lord Argonox was?”

I set my jaw and looked away. No matter how I turned the words in my head, none of them sounded right. I couldn’t bring myself to answer. It wouldn’t matter anyway. Clearly, she couldn’t understand. We were nothing alike. Phoebe hadn’t chosen to become a Tibran. She hadn’t chosen to do all of the things Argonox had forced her to do. But there had been moments in my life, a few vile moments steeped in malice and blood, when I had. I could have rebelled then. I could have let the Ulfrangar kill me for my defiance and ended it there. But instead … I’d accepted that fate. Wanted it. Thrived on it.

Sometimes, I’d even enjoyed it.

That was the part of myself King Jace would never trust—the part Reigh, Thatcher, Jaevid, and Phoebe should have been disgusted by. But they didn’t know.

And I had no idea how to tell them.

  About Nicole:

Nicole is an award-winning, #1 international bestselling author from North Alabama. With a passion for relatable, authentic characters and exciting, fast-paced plots, Nicole is best known for her series, THE DRAGONRIDER CHRONICLES. Other published works include THE DRAGONRIDER LEGACY SERIES, SPIRITS OF CHAOS SERIES, MAD MAGIC SAGA, and THE DRAGONRIDER HERITAGE SERIES (Coming Winter 2020).

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Week One:

2/22/2021

Jaime's World

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2/23/2021

Two Chicks on Books

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2/24/2021

Westveil Publishing

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2/25/2021

BookHounds YA

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2/26/2021

Lady Hawkeye

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Week Two:

3/1/2021

A Dream Within A Dream

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3/2/2021

Declarations of a Fangirl

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3/3/2021

Jazzy Book Reviews

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3/4/2021

Books A-Brewin'

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3/5/2021

Lifestyle of Me

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3/5/2021

Hurn Publications

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[hey-hamlet]

An Auspicious Meeting

When All Might had told him to take the weekend off, this probably hadn’t been what he was expecting.  Still, Izuku though to himself, hiking deeper and deeper into the mountain, it’s not like he had forbidden it.

Izuku had been obsessed with heroes his whole life, but another hobby of his was rumour hunting. Often tied to the whole heroics thing, he’d go out following leads left on forum posts, tracking down everything from secret, hero-run cafes, to an illegal zoo of quirked animals (he’d told Nezu about that one). One for All had made him a little bolder, a touch more willing to go after rumours and legends that didn’t seem 100% safe. He wasn’t being flippant though, he’d hate to upset his hero.

Buzzing with excitement, he took a look down at the map he had on his phone. He was within the radius of sightings. It was a large area, but it was a large man, so it was only to be expected. Even in the strange world of quirks, permanently giant people were a rarity, many either living in specially designed towns or fighting their way around a world designed for people far smaller than them. If the rumours were to be believed, this man has simply taken to living in the mountains.

Izuku ran over his plan in his head. Concentric circles, starting from the centre of the sightings and working his way out. If he found nothing, the rumour was bunk or the man had moved. If he did find him, he’d take a picture and ask to chat with him to get some further insight. If he seemed dangerous: run with all the speed his quirk could give him and never mention this outing to All Might.

It wasn’t long until he stood dead centre in his little circle of sightings. The air was a little too quiet to feel totally normal and it made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. Both excited and nervous, he began making his rounds.  Casting his eyes around the trees, he let out an embarrassingly high-pitched squeak as he made direct eye-contact with a massive, rocky face.

“Um-“he stuttered, leaning away from the too-close face. “I’m- I’m Midoriya? Midoriya Izuku. And I-“ He paused, what could he say? The truth was, well it was honestly kind of weird. He sighed internally. It wouldn’t be the first time a total stranger had received the brunt end of his oddities. “So, well I was kind of looking for you?”

The man sat himself down across from Izuku. Izuku took this as a sign to continue. “So, well I’m really interested in quirks, and there was a rumour floating around about someone with a gigantification quirk in the forests near Mutsutafu? So – so I decided to look for you? Sorry if that’s weird, I’m just really interested in your quirk, and what it's like!”

The man across from him was grinning ear to ear. “You remind me of my Lord!”

“Your- your Lord?”

“Yes!” The giant man cried out, tears in his eyes in a perplexing display out sudden joy. “My Lord is a wonderful man, so smart and he loves quirks! So kind-“ The man trailed off, sniffling sobs racking his massive frame. “But my Lord is gone! I haven’t seen him in so long, oh my poor Lord, I hope he’s ok.” Izuku walked over, patting his shoulder awkwardly. He let out another started squeak as the mountain man wrapped him up in an enthusiastic hug, wailing about his missing lord.

Resisting the urge to squirm away, he patted the man's rocky shoulder until he calmed down, placing Izuku back on his own two feet. The man gave Izuku and scrutinizing look.

“You have freckles like my Lord did! Yes. I will answer your questions.” Choosing not to question the incredibly bizarre terms of his acceptance, he began his line of questioning.

“So, are you always this size?” He asked, dutifully taking notes.

“Yes of course!” Replied the man enthusiastically. “Sometimes I am larger!”

“Do you not what makes you change size? Is it a conscious choice or a reaction to other stimuli?”

“The more I fight, the bigger I get! I am very strong. Very good at fighting.” Izuku chose to ignore the implications that this strange man was a regular fighter.

“So, do you-“ The creaking of a large oak drew his attention. In a reflex he didn’t even know he had, Black Whip shot out of his arms at an alarming speed, pulling the tree away from the giant. Ignoring the shooting pain in his arms he flared One for All, kicking the rapidly approaching tree into tiny splinters.

The giant man looked at him in awe.

“Little Lord?”

Izuku turned, confused.

“Little Lord!” The giant man repeated, being move ecstatic by the second. “You must be my Lord’s son! You must!” The mountain man picked him up gently, placing him on his shoulders. Izuku was reeling in confusion from this abrupt chain of events and didn’t protest.

“I will serve you, Little Lord! Yes, this must be what my Lord wanted from me! How wonderful it is that I have found you! Show me where we are to go and I shall take you there, Little Lord!”

Numbly, he pointed the giant man in the direction of UA and it’s dorms.

How on earth was he going to explain this to All Might?

@thefruitloop-chan - I couldn’t help myself.

[michaels-blackhat]

the sea beneath, the journey home

day 3/31 of my massive holiday project

for @isakvaltersnake, you didn’t get a RNM fic. This was supposed to be post-canon Gendrya... and it’s there... it’s just not the fluff I set out to write <3

Eventually the coast blurs until it is one with the sky and Arya turns from her family, her home, and focuses on the ship around her. The men are all experienced sailors, all with more experience than her for all that she is technically better traveled, and they know their business. She does not have to worry about directing, about actually captaining her ship.

She breathes in the salt air, a deep breath that feels more like purification than anything else. Out here she cannot smell the fire, the smoke, the burning and rotting flesh of King’s Landing and of the North. Here, surrounded by nothing but the great salt water sea, she can forget about the death and destruction. Here she can forget No One. She can forget the legacy of the Starks. She can forget about it all without forgetting herself. Here, at sea, she can learn how to be.

-

At night the gentle rock of the ship lures her to sleep. She sleeps in a hammock, same as the rest of her men. It swings her as the sea rocks a lullaby. On the wind she hears the great songs, the tales of love and battle the men sing as the dark calls them all to sleep. At night she lays and images a life where the stories were not real, where the frost only nipped and didn’t bring worse than death. She imagines a life like the one her father once promised her- a good husband, a household to run. She imagines a life where she could be content.

The ship gives a lurch and she remembers that life was never one she wanted.

She turns over and turns off her mind. Thinking has never helped her anyway.

-

Two weeks at sea and they do not expect to see anything beyond that. Arya stands at her desk with a map open in front of her. Her navigator stands at her side as they debate the best course. Neither know for sure, any travel to the west has been avoided and Arya did not consult with the remaining Ironborn before she left.

Arya did not consult with anyone beyond the shipwrights and the sailors on the docks. She had not consulted her family, just told them she was leaving.

She never told Gendry she was leaving at all.

“My lady,” her navigator addresses her, “we should reach land within two weeks, if the weather holds.”

She nods her agreement before she turns her attention to her quartermaster.

“And our supplies?”

“They will hold for months, as long as we find fresh water on land, my lady.”

She nods again.

“Then we stay the course,” she says as she rolls up the map. 

-

There is plenty on a ship to keep her mind occupied, but the night wrecks the careful control she has over herself. At night her mind wanders to the far corners of Westeros, to her brothers on opposite ends of the continent, to her sister ruling in the North, to the bastard blacksmith lord in the Stormlands.

Every night the men sing on the deck. They gather to tell stories and to sing songs. She leaves them to it, afraid to hear her own song, afraid they will ask about the Long Night and the Night King.

Sometimes they sing the new songs, but often they keep to the older ones, the ones they heard as they grew, the songs that gives comfort.

Arya lays in her hammock as their voices sing about a lady of the forest and the little lord who loved her.

She does not think of a similar story, a lady of the forest who was actually a Lady and the boy who loved her when she was covered in filth, when she was covered in silk.

-

“Land!”

The cheers of her crew quickly drowns out the cry from the crows-nest. Four weeks at sea is not that long, not for seasoned sailors or even for a woman who traveled the discovered world, but four weeks where it is uncertain that there is even land is a strain.

It is still far in the distance, but the breaks in the horizon can be seen even so far out to sea.

Arya smiles at the exuberance of her crew until she sees a speck in the distance, which grows closer the longer she looks. Her smile starts to fall as the distinct shape of a raven forms.

Her first mate gives her a look, but she gives him a reassuring smile. Only one type of creature could find them, no raven could be trained to fly to the unknown. This raven had her brother riding its back.

She lifts her hand and the raven flies to her. It lands with ease and stays still as she releases its paper burden. It flies away the moment the note is free.

-

At night she lights a single candle and sits on the deck of her ship. The light does not cast shadows, it is too small to do that, too weak. She imagines the flickers of fire against the carved direwolves, against the folds of the banners and the sails.

She imagines the heat of a forge as it warms her to her core.

She reads the words on the paper her brother sent, over and over as if it would give her more answers.

The lesser Lords of the Stormlands have asked me to intervene on their behalf, as their liege Lord refuses to marry. He said he will not find a wife to make into his lady, that he already has one.

I thought you might like to know.

The ship does not rock her to sleep that night. The faint glow of her flame does nothing to burn away memory.

-

The land is rocky in a way that reminds Arya too much of the jagged coast along King’s Landing. She takes one look at the shore and returns below deck.

She does not join the men when they weighed anchor and rowed to shore.

-

The hammock stays still beneath her as the sunlight creeps in from an open hatch. They are anchored down as close to shore as they dare. She keeps below dock, away from the sight of the coastline, away from the ghosts of memory.

A dark figure flies through the open hatch and lands on the ropes that tie your hammock to the wooden poles. The raven waits patiently as Arya unties the note, once again flying away the moment it is free of its burden.

Some memories you cannot hide from.

Arya takes the note note to the deck and throws it into the ocean.

She looks out into the horizon, ocean and air mixing until it’s nothing but uniform blue.

-

Her men find water and berries that the local wildlife can eat, berries that look close enough to ones she ate in Bravos that she is willing to risk it for something fresh.

She and her navigator decide to continue west, to follow the coastline and see where that may lead them.

They stay for a few days, long enough to replenish their water and to ensure the berries have no unsavory effects. They hunt for fresh meat and open another barrel of ale in celebration. It is a warm affair, the men jovial. Even Arya stays in good spirits, laughing with her men and joining in on their songs.

The evening winds down and the songs turn somber. They sing of lost loves and of family gone. They sing of war, but not the glory just the cold aftermath. Arya looks out from her place on the quarterdeck, the moon and the stars glow on the sea, the dark of the island shimmers as the moonlight hits the jagged rocks. Arya sees the ghosts dance on the shore. 

-

Arya never had the same dreams as her sister. She did not want to be a lady. She did not want to be a wife. She wanted to rule a castle, yes, but she did not want to do it in the name of someone else. She did not dream of dresses, of a maiden cloak around her shoulders.

She did dream of love, of family, of villagers to help and people to care for.

You would be my lady, he had said years before, before she even knew what she had asked him.

He had a castle now, villagers to help and a whole section of the country to care for.

None of it will be worth anything if you’re not with me. He said that too, before he asked her to be his lady, different than that first time he said it.

“His lady wife,” she snorted as she crawled up the rigging, small enough and strong enough to do it quickly, to do it right.

The coastline changes as they sail past, from rocky to rolling hills and gently sloping beaches, and Arya stares blindly at it, caught up in memories and letter.

With an arm firmly around the ropes she pulls out the most recent letter from her meddling brother-king.

We dance with our ghosts in different ways, sometimes you need to confront your fears.

“Cryptic as always Bran,” she says into the wind, aware that he hears her a world away.

-

The hammock sways with the storm, a quick summer squall that they can see the end of already, blue skies in the distance waiting to carry them onto the next part of their journey. She listens to the sound of the men on deck, those who replaced the first shift. She is still soaked to her bones, exhausted more from a dreary mood than from trying to the ship storm-ready so quickly.

Ghosts still dance behind her eyes, the frozen dead, the burning dead, green eyes and blues eyes and brown eyes. She has shut those eyes forever. No one never minded. Arya does.

She looks up at the wooden planks, water-sealed and sturdy. This is her penance, in a way. She spent years getting back to her family and when she did she couldn’t stay. She couldn’t look them in the eyes and pretend she was ok, pretend that she did not see the dead everywhere. She could not look at any of them and say that she deserved peace.

-

The next raven had no note, just a small leaf made of gold tied from a string around its neck. She places it around her neck and ignores the tears in her eyes.

-

There is no coast to follow anymore, just more open sea. They continue west, after a stop for fresh water and more fresh meat to supplement their slowly dwindling dried rations before the land disappeared to their backs.

“What do you hope to find?”

Her first mate stands next to her, map open in front of them as their navigator adds more details. They will need a new sheet soon.

“Honestly?” Arya asks, eyes fixed on Westeros. “At first I would have said adventure.” She looks up at him, unable to look at the symbols on the map that meant home. “Now? I think I’m just looking for peace.”

“You won’t find that on the sea, my lady,” her first mate responds with a sad smile. “That’s not why any of us are here. I suspect that’s not the reason for you either, not really.”

She snorts out her answer. “I think maybe we spend a little too much time together, if you can say something like that.”

“We’re on a ship my lady,” he laughs, “we can do nothing but spend time together.” His smile goes sad again, after the brief laughter. “We all saw things, my lady, in King’s Landing. Things that will haunt us for the rest of our lives. For most of us, we spent our whole life at sea. This is our home, this is familiar. That’s not the case for you. You’re running my lady, none of us judge you for that.”

Arya closes her eyes against the truth.

“Has my brother been sending you ravens as well?”

“No my lady, as you said, we just spend that much time together.”

-

The golden leaf is warm against her skin when she goes to sleep. She never takes it off, just lets it lay against her chest day in, day out. She does not let herself think, or so she tries.

The ship sways beneath her, but it does nothing to lure her to sleep.

“Some things you cannot out run,” she says into the darkness, feeling foolish as the words leave her mouth. “I am running.”

The darkness says nothing in reply.

-

They reach land two days later. They see ships first, ships of  Yi Ti make fishing or loaded down with cargo. Her quartermaster smiles, happy to restore their depleted supplies. Her navigator smiles as well, smug that his prediction was true.

“What is west of Westeros?” He asks into the crowd.

“It’s just the east,” one of the crew members calls back.

Arya lets her eyes linger on the ships, on the port in the distance.

“What were you hoping to find?”

She startles, surprised that her first mate could sneak up on her. Surprised that she has reached a point where she can let her guard down at all.

“A reason to go home,” she replies, “to go home and know I deserve it.”

-

She cannot sleep, not with a feather mattress beneath her. Her crew would not let her sleep on the ship, not when there was comfortable accommodations worthy of their lady captain. Through the open window she hears the splash of the waves against the distant shore, the cries of the gulls. 

She sees the sun rise through her window, rising to greet her in the east and moving from her home in the west. The world is a sphere and her life is a cycle of death and destruction. The sun rises after the long night. Fields are razed and burned. They grow again.

Maybe, by the time she reaches west again, she will be like the crops after winter, budding and ready to grow.

-

Sometimes you need to relearn how to be.

Arya reads the note before they leave port and head west again. This time they have a plan, they have rations for weeks before they port again and restock, aware of their path now that they are back in the known.

Your family misses you.

The note is accompanied by another leaf, gold again but held together by a rope made from some type of grass. She never forgot the song, never really forgave Tom Sevenstrings for how often he sang the song to her and Gendry on their travels. It makes her smile now, to remember the good times mixed in with the rotten.

“Subtle,” she breathes out as she drapes the leaf around her neck. “Real subtle Bran.”

-

“Where are we headed my lady?”

Her first mate gave her a look over the map in her office. 

“Home, I think. Eventually.”

“And did you find what you hoped to find?”

She smiles, small but not sad. 

“Not yet,” she replies as she moves to roll up their incomplete map. “But by the time we make it back I think I will.”

[elopez7228]

Scenic Route 25/47

Read on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268208/chapters/43229774 

Start over : https://elopez7228.tumblr.com/post/620919089893933056/scenic-route-0147

***

Maz and Rey stayed at the Motel-6 on Weat Drive in Helena, which provided twin rooms—with matching twin beds. It was a well-kept yet charmless establishment, built in the image of the city itself. Helena’s wide avenues and stocky skyline formed a neat grid around major routes running north-south and east-west.

The surrounding countryside was verdant, but Rey found the architecture quite different, typical of cities that experienced long winters: raised sidewalks, thick walls and closed windows. But the spirit of the Far West was palpable in Montana, from the wood-plank porches and cowboy hats to the cattle breeders and the constant presence of horses. But there was a certain culture clash as one moved north, to the heartland comprised of oil wells, massive trucks, leather and furs.

The atmosphere was gloomy; this morning’s enthusiasm that had accompanied their gargantuan brunch and a swim in the river, had diminished considerably. Running into Syed had cast a dark shadow over Rey’s mood, her feelings no less tumultuous than before. Was she mad at Ben Solo? Did she want keep flirting with him this morning? They did have an undeniable attraction. Truthfully, she hadn’t stopped thinking about him, not for a moment, since she their paths crossed on her first day in America. How annoying. She would gladly have spent an hour without thinking of him, honestly. She would have wanted to think of herself, or Finn or Poe, to blame Leia Skywalker for her troubles or to conquer the world with Maz. But alas, here she was, fretting over Ben Solo.

Wasn’t she furious at him? The indecision was killing her inside. She would go to the concert the next day, but it would require an explanation, a face to face. She would have to look him in the eyes and give him an ultimatum that would determine their relationship: to end it here and now, or to give him a chance to make amends.

Maz accompanied her to the Museum of the Rockies, where they admired dinosaur fossils and mannequins dressed in pilgrim garb. They passed a large fresco of fur trappers depicting the conquest of the New World. Maz tried to relax the atmosphere by explaining the history behind various exhibits, but Rey was miles away. Her mind was elsewhere.

The evening is unrolled without their joyful laughter, without luster. The weight of Maz’s upcoming departure and Rey’s relationship woes weighed heavily on their shoulders.

Maz had a certain rendezvous to attend in the Holliday Inn parking at 8 AM, off l-90 West. After a quick breakfast at Starbucks, Rey and Maz said farewell. Rey’s eyes shone a bit much at the thought that she was being abandoned yet again.

Or was it just her again, getting attached too quickly? It was obvious from the moment the strange little woman banged against her car window that their time together was limited. This separation was inevitable—Maz headed due north and Rey due west. And she had to go home eventually, on the other side of the Atlantic, in a week.

They exchanged numbers and emails, but Maz evaded social media, and Rey limited herself to Instagram and Facebook. Maz hugged Rey thoroughly, thanking her for everything.

“Have a good trip, my adventurous girl. Remember: listen to your heart, dare to say no, and take your time. You know what it is that you want and what you’re willing to accept—you know your limits. Now, go practice what you preach!”

Rey was hardly as calm as the older woman. Coming from Maz’s mouth, everything seemed so simple. In her head, it was all so complicated. But she promised to remember this, and to do her best.

When they parted, Maz boarded a large van with three other hitchhikers as she went on her merry way.

It was still morning and Rey and BB8 had an entire day to fill. In light of the shift in schedule, she had time to call England.

The conversation with Poe was calm, almost banal. Finn was still on life support, Poe himself visited the hospital daily. His swollen eye had deflated a little, his facial wounds had healed somewhat and would leave  almost no scars. Yes, he would call Rey if there was a development, any time of day or night, be the news good, bad, or ugly. She hung up and dialed Jessika afterwards.

“Where were you girl?” Jessika said by way of hello, and Rey smiled, touched by her friend’s playful jab.

“On the road. I drove a couple thousand kilometers. How’s the house?”

“Well, I finished putting together your flat. You promised to call me regularly, don’t you remember?”

“I was going to,” Rey tried to assure her.

She wasn’t sure how often she could handle calling Jessika. She had needed time for introspection, to think through her troubles alone. Talking to Jessica, even though it was fun, inevitably reminded her of her old self. The girl who was going to marry Finn and who let others live her life in her stead.

“Liar,” declared Jessica, and Rey laughed at the fact that her friend knew her well.

“No it's true. I'll call you when I get better, otherwise it's going to be quite a while,” she amended.

“What do you mean , "when I get better?" What’s wrong? Are you in trouble?”

Jess sounded sincerely worried. Rey took a deep breath...where did she leave off in her grand adventure?

“Do you remember Ben Solo?”

“The guy who did n't sleep with you ? OH. MY. GOD. Did you sleep with him ?!”

Rey’s lips split into a wicked grin. She was thoroughly enjoying her friend’s reaction. It was like an intravenous dose of endorphins. Why had she thought that that it would complicate her life?

“No,” she answered finally. “No we didn't sleep together. I mean we almost did. But not quite.”

“What do you mean? Was it just oral but no penetration?”

Straight to the point, Rey chuckled.

"Oh come on, we just kissed a little bit. Okay, kissed a lot. We did nothing, really. We stopped when...you know, they called about Finn...”

It was as though she had just thrown a bucket of cold water on the conversation. Jessika took a moment to answer.

“Yes, I know. It’s excruciating. I was furious! I was furious at him and now I’m furious at everyone except him. How are you holding up?”

“Same as you. My anger is gone. I reassure myself by thinking that Poe stays close to him these days.”

“He does a great job, you know. He comes by an hour a day to sit at his bedside, he talks to him, he reads to him and recounts the adventures you have on your trip, Rey...”

Rey was silent. She knew where Jess was going with this.

“Rey, they’re really in love. I’m sorry to have you say it so bluntly when I’d promised to kick them out of our lives and curse their names forever. You have to look at the bigger picture. Poe is now a shadow of his former self after what happened to Finn.”

“I know.”

“You know? Aren't you angry?”

Rey smiled mournfully. As incredible as it sounded, she was not angry. She was unhappy and worried, a little bit resentful—but in a normal way—very lonely, and a little lost, but she was no longer angry.

“No...I’m just sorry I couldn’t be there to support my best friend, this potato of a man that chose his best friend over me, but I don’t want him anymore. We wouldn't have been happy, as it was. He did what he had to do.”

Jessika was silent for a long time before she finally found her voice.

“Who are you madam, and what have you done with Rey?”

“No, I’m serious,” insisted Rey, amid a fit of giggles, “it's really me! I’ve been through all sorts of ridiculousness, I almost got eaten by a bear, and I have a spy from the KGB on my arse...I ended up cancelling my own wedding because my groom was gay from day one. It’s like my life can never be boring!”

"Sounds like you have much too many things to tell me,” Jessika retorted, “Start from the beginning.”

They stayed on the phone for almost an hour. Rey thought for a moment about  the price that such a lengthy call would cost, but hell, she wasn’t in the mood to care. She had needed to say it out loud, to put actual words to her thoughts and her feelings and to right the chaos in her brain.

When she hung up, she felt reinvigorated. Maz’s departure stung less, the loneliness appeared less unbearable. On the downside, she hadn’t yet faced her demons regarding her relationship with one Ben Solo...

Jessika said she had to bed him now (of course). But Rey was no longer taking orders. She had to listen to her heart.

The problem was that she didn't understand what her heart was telling her.

She chose to spend the morning at Arby’s (a stereotypical western fast food restaurant with a massive cowboy hat logo) which specialized in gigantic hamburgers topped with slices of...candied bacon? The local gastronomy never ceased to surprise her. In any case, it had free WiFi and a place to plug in her smartphone.

What was she going to do with her day?

She clicked on Kylo Ren's number.

Damn, she had thought "Kylo Ren", not "Ben Solo". Should she interpret this as some kind of sign?

* good morning Ren, I'm coming tonight. We need to talk. *

Of course, every man knew "we have to talk" was never a good omen. She wanted to hear about Syed (especially why it was necessary for her to follow Rey without consent) and about the nature of their relationship. To Rey’s knowledge, he was neither her father nor her husband. Then he had better have a good explanation. But this wouldn’t be a text message conversation. She wanted to look him in the eyes.

She waited in vain for a response that did had not arrive. Browsing Google Maps, she explored the area around Bozeman and compared the prices of hotels and the campsites. She barely managed not to spit out her coffee. Seven Hells! The proximity to Yellowstone, and thus the certainty of being full in July, had pushed the average rates around the park to a staggering 250 dollars per night for a single motel room. It was beyond  conceivable! She looked at the campsites, but like the hotels, they were fully booked.

Finally, by calling Canyon Campground, which was more than thirty kilometers from Bozeman, she managed to book a place for the night for just below fifty dollars. The price reflected the fact that they had no available power stations, but she didn’t mind—all she wanted was an area flat enough to pitch her tent without risking another round with the grizzlies.

Her smartphone vibrated.

* Good morning Rey. I wouldn’t come if I were you. This one is going to be mediocre. Maybe some other time? *

Rey felt herself fuming.

Was he trying to run away? Well, not if she had her way.

She typed a message, then erased it. And again, and yet again. Finally, she sent no response, put her phone away, finished her coffee and left the establishment.

She was going to play fetch with BB8, it would calm her down.

And this evening, she would see Kylo Ren, look him directly in the eyes. She would  wait for the end of the concert, and they were going to have a discussion. He wasn’t getting away with this!

Kylo had been in a bad mood all day, even as he helped with the installation process at the Bozeman concert venue.

Rey wanted to come this evening and he had to stop her. Syed was capable of everything under the sun, and the worst part was that he had no idea of what she was up to. She had returned his jacket and taken her orders from Hux and Snoke instead. But what orders? Something was brewing, he was sure. He was in absolutely no mood to give a damn concert, and had found himself strangely relieved when Snoke announced the cancellation of the tour. Fine. Off with the masks...he had to keep his head clear to be prepared for any scenario that high command had in mind. Snoke’s mind was twisted. It was wild, fatal, and unpredictable. He would do well to keep his weapon within reach...he had to make the first move, finding her, cornering her, and talking her out of getting involved. But where was she?

With the amount of tension and distrust in the air, it would have been better not to go through with the concert. And yet, it made for an easy cover. Naturally, Syed would not strike from the stage, it would be far too visible. That would leave her with the opening crowd and the stragglers.

Adding Rey to this equation was the worst part. She was going to find herself in the middle of a crossfire that wouldn’t leave anyone unscathed.

His heart beat faster at the mere idea of Rey taking such a risk. And what if Syed took advantage of Rey’s presence to reach him?

He would kill her for that if she tried, with his own two hands.

Around him, the Knights of Ren were quietly working on mounting the lights. He could hear their laughter in the distance in his mind, although they were only standing a few paces away. It would be a good idea to talk to them. But it would also be an admission of weakness; was a team of five people not enough to take on Syed Ren alone? No. He was going to face her fury himself.

The more the clock turned, the more the atmosphere seemed heavy. It was time to end this, once and for all.

[puroresu-musings]

NJPW G1 CLIMAX 29 FINAL Review (Aug 12th 2019, Tokyo, Nippon Budokan)

Yota Tsuji & Ren Narita vs. Clark Connors & Karl Fredericks  ***½

Jushin Thunder Liger, Tiger Mask & Jeff Cobb vs. Lance Archer, Taichi & Yoshinobu Kanemaru  **½


Will Ospreay & Roppongi 3K vs. Yujiro Takahashi, Taiji Ishimori & Chase Owens ***1/4

Juice Robinson & Toa Henare vs. Jon Moxley & Shota Umino  **½

Tetsuya Naito, EVIL, SANADA, Shingo Takagi & BUSHI vs. Togi Makabe, Hirooki Goto, Toru Yano, Tomoaki Honma & Ryusuke Taguchi  ***1/4

Tomohiro Ishii, YOSHI-HASHI & KENTA vs. Guerrillas Of Destiny & Bad Luck Fale  ***

Kazuchika Okada & Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Minoru Suzuki & Zack Sabre Jr.  ****1/4

G1 CLIMAX 29 FINAL: Kota Ibushi (A Block Champion) vs. Jay White (B Block Champion)  *****

Photos.

The 29th annual G1 Climax climaxed with an excellent and beyond newsworthy show, which capped off the best Tournament in history. In notable happenings from a jam-packed Nippon Budokan; The L.A. Dojo Young Lions of Connors and Fredericks were victories over the New Japan Dojo Lions of Tsuji and Narita in a great little opener. This was a physically intense, and heated 9:53 encounter, in which it was made apparent that New Japan’s future is incredibly bright with these guys on the rise. Connors locked Tsuji in a Boston Crab for a mighty struggle, before Yota had to tap. Jon Moxley put Juice Robinson through a table in the post match of their brief doubles match, to undoubtedly set up an impending rematch for the US. Title. 

In probably the most talked about thing coming out of the show, KENTA turned on Ishii and YOSHI-HASHI, in their Six Man against the Bullet Club Tonga squad, and joined the nefarious B.C. The match was good, but the angle that followed more than elevated this. After jumping off the apron when refusing an Ishii tag, KENTA hit the ring, laying his supposed tag partner out with a Busaiku Knee, followed by the Go 2 Sleep to allow Tama Tonga to get the pin at 8:35. Before KENTA could cut a promo, explaining his actions, his ‘good friend’ Katsuyori Shibata hit the ring like a man possessed and destroyed him with some stiff strikes. The Bullet Club tried to intervene, but Shibata sent them packing, and landed a devastating corner dropkick to KENTA’s face. He locked on a rear naked choke, then went for the PK, but Jado nailed him in the back with his kendo stick, which allowed KENTA to lock his own choke in, then nail Shibata with his own PK. KENTA then sat, cross legged, on Shibata’s chest, as the Bullet Club celebrated their new recruit. This was an amazing angle, probably the best I’ve seen in some years, and the crowd were going crazy for all of this. Obviously, Shibata’s physical involvement (his first of any kind since April 2017) will provoke a lot of discussion as to what happens with him next. The logical conclusion to jump to is a Shibata/KENTA match for WK14, but given the severity of the injury he received (it nearly cost him his life), it could be unlikely we will see him back in the ring. But we shall see. It’s also worth noting that all involved were very careful not to hit Shibata anywhere near the head. My guess is the Bullet Club beating down a retired wrestler, one who is retired because of a serious injury, was to get them over as evil dicks who stooped to new lows. Regardless of where this goes from here, Shibata looked great out there, and it was an unbelievable, and unforgettable moment.

The previous angle was going to leave a lot to follow, but with this being New Japan, they certainly managed to. Suzuki and ZSJ were victorious over the Okada/Tanahashi dream team, in an excellent doubles clash next. This was an all-action contest, which had a great closing stretch. The story here was Zack vs. Tana and Suzuki vs. Okada, both of which are likely to be the top matches at Royal Quest in London on August 31st. The finish saw ZSJ and Tanahashi brawling on the outside, whilst in the ring Okada and Suzuki nailed each other with hard forearms. The King dodged an Okada dropkick, nailed a PK, then went for the Gotch Piledriver, but Tanahashi broke it up with a Sling Blade. Suzuki took an Okada dropkick to the back, then blocked a Rainmaker, and countered another dropkick attempt into an unbelievable la mistica (think about that), and transitioned into a choke. Once he had put Okada sufficiently to sleep, Suzuki turned it into the Gotch Piledriver, as Zack had Tana tied up in submissions, to cleanly pin the IWGP Heavyweight Champion at the 15:27 mark, and firmly stake his claim as the next challenger for the belt. Suzuki looked great here, having quietly waited in the weeds having been snubbed a G1 spot, waiting for the perfect time to strike, and found it here. Suzuki tells Okada it must be pretty embarrassing to lose to a guy not deemed good enough to be in the G1, then informs him he’s coming for his Title. Everything about this was tremendous.

But as tremendous as it all was, it paled in comparison to the absolute wrestling masterpiece that was the G1 Climax Final. Look, I know some people hate Jay White. I know people hate all the heel stuff, all the interference and shenanigans, but that is something New Japan have always done, and will always do. There’s literally never been a period of NJPW history that hasn’t had some no good son of a bitch heel at the top of the card, using nefarious tactics to win. Now yes, I agree that it all gets a bit much when you have three guys in one Block doing this, but only one of those guys is a main eventer, and that’s Jay. And at the end of the day, all of that cheating and chicanery paid off here, helping to weave a masterful story. White came out with the entire Bullet Club, but Red Shoes kicked all of them bar Gedo out of ringside. Not long after, Gedo was ejected too, meaning Switch Blade had to go it alone (nudge, nudge). Jay slowly, and meticulously, worked over Ibushi’s injured left ankle that he helped to destroy the night before, but Ibushi would always battle back. It wasn’t long before Gedo made his way out again, after Jay escaped a Lawn Dart attempt, and bumped Kota into Red Shoes. Jay chop blocked Ibushi’s knee, then Gedo held him down whilst Jay nailed his injured leg with two chair shots, then locked in the TTO, as Gedo rolled Red Shoes back in. After an epic, and totally believable struggle (Jay had beaten Juice Robinson the exact same way in Yokohama), Ibushi finally made the ropes, which popped Budokan. White tries the Sleeper Suplex, but Ibushi escapes by hitting a (one-legged) moonsault kick, finally hit the lawn dart, and scored a near fall with the dead lift German off the ropes. Ibushi tries the Last Ride, but Jay frees himself by hammering Ibushi’s ankle, and slaps Ibushi hard across the face. This brought out “psycho Ibushi”, who devastated White with a flurry of hard strikes. Ibushi goes for the wind-up lariat, but White hits a snap Dragon Screw out of nowhere, tries another, but Kota finally hits his big Lariat for the double down. A (one-legged) Last Ride gets a near fall for Ibushi, who then looks for Boma Ye, but Jay does his collapse gimmick to avoid it. White distracts the referee as Gedo comes in with the brass knucks, but Kota K.O.’s him with a head kick. The distraction allows Jay to hit the Sleeper Suplex, but Ibushi popped up and hit a Boma Ye to the back of White’s head as Budokan goes crazy. Red Shoes instructs Rocky Romero at the English Commentary booth to dispose of the unconscious Gedo, which he duly does, and we’re now down to just the two finalists. Kota finally hits the Boma Ye to the face, then tries Kamigoye, but again White hammers away at the ankle. Ibushi fights back, flooring Jay with two big head kicks, then tries Kamigoye, but White, the master strategist, reverses it into Blade Runner to the horror of the crowd. He’s too beat up to make the cover though, so lifts Ibsuhi up to hit the cross-arm Bloody Sunday, but Kota frees himself with a big headbutt and hits the straight jacket German, rolls through into a Kamigoye attempt, but Jay escapes by hitting two massive Sleeper Suplexes, dumping Kota right on top of his head both times. Jay hits the cross-armed Bloody Sunday, as you can hear everyone in Budokan lose their collective minds at the prospect of White being on the cusp of victory. This was such an amazing atmosphere. White goes for Blade Runner, but Ibushi escapes by hitting a standing Kamigoye, then dodges another Blade Runner attempt, and hits a jumping version. Kota holds on to the wrists and finally waffles White with Kamigoye for one of the greatest near falls you’ll ever see. Kota drops the knee pad and hits a second Kamigoye to end a phenomenal match at 31:01, vanquish the evil heel, and win the whole G1. Wow.

I absolutely loved this. It was just perfect, classic storytelling. Good overcoming evil. White cap vs. black cap. It was just one guy, who everybody wanted to win, against another who nobody wanted to win, it was simple and incredibly effective, and it lead to probably my favourite match of the entire year (it’s either this or the BOSJ Final, but they’re both completely different types of matches). Ibushi looked like the biggest star in the company here, as he becomes the first man to ever win the BOSJ, the New Japan Cup, and now the G1 Climax, and earns his shot at whomever will be IWGP Heavyweight Champion come Wrestle Kingdom. Honestly, it’s going to take some doing to surpass this tournament, and New Japan (and Gedo) surprise us once again by offering us a whole bunch of new directions and scenarios that we never knew we needed. It’s pretty damn great being a New Japan fan in 2019. Long may they reign.

NDT

[slothcritic]

Dragon Ball Z Abridged - Episode 10 Review

A satisfying conclusion with plenty of jabs, jibs and a ghost whatnow?

While The Punchline has been split up into three parts, I will be reviewing and judging all three parts as a single episode within a single review. I will be giving out scores for each part just for posterity however, but only the overall score will be considered this episode’s actual rating.

In the cold open, Vegeta is absolutely thrilled over snapping Nappa out of existence, and Goku asks Krillin and Gohan to retreat while he deals with Vegeta. Krillin is already gone, screaming and crying. Gohan and Goku have a brief conversation about putting dinner on, because he's hungry. There might be some reference I'm not getting here, or if it's really just a face-value scene, but I think it would've been funnier if the title sequence had begun just after Krillin is shown running (flying) away to safety.

[Title Sequence, Part 1]

Goku and Vegeta opt to find a new battlefield, as the one where Nappa decimated the Z Fighters is a little "corpsey." King Kai starts taking bets on which of them is going to win, and even the Narrator tries to get in on that, despite already knowing the outcome.

The delivery on Vegeta's lines early on is not promising. I'm not sure if it's poor audio quality caused by a crappy microphone or if Lanipator was struggling with some kind of throat infection while recording these lines, but it's noticeable as there's a long extended conversation with a voice that sounds like sandpaper to the ears. I actually went back to check on the previous episodes to see if I was taking crazy pills, and no, Vegeta sounded just fine before. I have no idea what the reason or cause of this change might be, whether it was a deliberately different delivery or if they were rushing to put this episode out, but Vegeta sounds consistently more raspy in this episode than the gravelly deadpan to which I've become accustomed. For all I know, yelling as Vegeta might just by taxing on his vocal chords.

Putting the voice issue aside, Goku's oblivious lack of understanding for the word "elite" and the back and forth between the two of them works on the whole as a great scene.

"I'm going to start beating you now. I don't know when I'll stop."

I can't remember whether or not that's a reference, but I love the delivery on it. Vegeta has just finished dealing with Nappa and now has absolutely zero patience for someone just as braindead.

Sure enough, after being taunted about a cave full of gumdrops and ice cream, Vegeta drops the "That's it! EVERYONE DIES!" which might be one of my favorite things said in this episode, but it’s followed closely by:

"Say goodbye to your planet, Kakarot." "Well that's not very nice." "OF COURSE NOT! I'M FUCKING EVIL!"

The dynamic here works astoundingly well. It's very different from Vegeta and Nappa's duo, but works on similar foundations. With Vegeta and Nappa, Nappa was the ridiculous one and Vegeta served as his anchor. With Vegeta and Goku, the roles are flipped and Vegeta is now the ridiculous one, screaming his head off in frustration and writhing around in the death throes of his pride, while Goku's complete obliviousness and innocence keeping him grounded as the anchor. Nappa was purposefully annoying because he was a bratty, childish mook, while Goku is just annoying by happenstance and being very, very hard to put down. It doesn't help that Vegeta actually wants to kill Goku, and unlike Nappa, he's having less than success with this one.

The overall production of the climatic beam struggle is surprisingly well executed, and is perhaps the best moment in this entire episode from a technical perspective. Goku speaking as he charges up the Kamehameha doesn't sound cheesy, canned or forced, and neither does Vegeta's delivery. The sound effects and music are also on point here. This is an important moment in the series and I'm glad they got it just right. I have no objections with anything here.

If anything, at about five and a half minutes in, the viewer has had enough time to adjust to Vegeta's new raspier voice and it no longer seems out of place. If he had been speaking "normally" up until this point, I probably would have criticized the delivery on these lines, but it almost feels like it fits on the whole now that this has been established as the "new normal" for the last five minutes. The main point I'm attempting and probably failing at making is that my original complaint was that the new voice took me out of the episode, but in this moment with the beam struggle, Vegeta's voice flows naturally and I honestly wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn't just (as of now) dedicated two whole paragraphs of this review to JUST talking about how Vegeta sounds slightly different now.

Alright, now it's time to back up a tad, which isn't something I like to do a lot. Twice in this episode, Goku has used the Kaio-Ken and then the Kaio-Ken times three. The first time he used it, he seemed to at least match Vegeta. The second time he used it, he jobbed Vegeta straight into a rocky wall. But it's only good for a few seconds, so it has no sustain. It's essentially one really strong punch or a really quick beat down, but leaves Goku winded and struggling at the end of it.

The reason I didn't bring these up as they happened was because frankly the scenes didn't do enough for me to write about it. I write about what I feel is significant to my review to give context or explanation to my thought process, not to give a play by play. Simply put, they were funny, but nothing notable happened because of it. It was a quick skit, okay, move on. But it's now important to draw attention to those two moments, because while they did very little for me the first two times... Well, during this beam struggle, just as Vegeta feels like he’s gaining the upper hand, the dramatic music quiets to nothing but the sounds of the beams clashing, and all we hear is...

"Kaio-Ken..." Vegeta look on in horror.  "...No..." "Times..." "No no no..." "FOUR!"

Vegeta is sent skyward with a loud FFFFUUUUUU- and then twinkles like Team Rocket just blasted off again. Goku is the victor... of this fight at least.

Then there's an odd cutaway back to Roshi's island that's slow to start, but eventually got me to smile. It's all the characters from Dragon Ball reminiscing of times where they used to be relevant to the story. Guest appearance by Baba who almost doesn't appear in Z at all!

It initially felt like a bit of tone whiplash but it warmed up to me. And "Whatever happened to Launch?" actually got a laugh out of me. Seems like Toriyama isn't the only person who forgot about her.

I'm not sure what the point of this scene was, but I agree with the decision that after that climax, a break or calming down period in the tension it had built up was definitely necessary, even if the transition felt a little jarring at first.

"Meanwhile, back at the plot", which is an amazing segue, Vegeta gets off Mr Goku's Wild Ride and the beam continues on without him into the pink sky.

I don't think -UUUUUUCK! counts as an F-Bomb so it doesn't get censored. Booyah!

Vegeta then undergoes a post ass-kicking identity crisis. After devising a plan to turn into the mighty Ozaru, he then undergoes a where's-the-damned-moon crisis.

Good thing Blutz Waves are a thing. He yeets the artificial moon into the sky and boom, King Kong. The other King K attempts to coach Goku through dealing with this beast (that is canonically stronger than Captain Ginyu at this point) and advises Goku to find a safe, secluded location to charge up the Spirit Bomb.

Goku however decides to do it right out in the open. Just as Ape Vegeta's massive fist obliterates Goku, King Kai's crystal ball turns to static and gets the operator disconnected message. I think a dial tone would've been slightly funnier, but this has the same energy so I'll take it with no complaints. An excellent way to end the first part of this episode!

[Part 2]

This part begins with Goku hitting a rock so hard he thinks he's in Dragonball Evolution for a moment. After blinding Vegeta with a solar flare, which I'm still not entirely sure how that works or why people don't use it more often to get cheap surprise shots on blinded targets, Goku finds a quiet spot that he can use to charge the Spirit Bomb. He ends up borrowing so much energy from the planet that he may or may not have drained all the life from an old father deer. Dark, but morbidly hilarious.

Goku tries to fling the Spirit Bomb at Vegeta, but surprise: He's got a mouth laser! Knocks the Spirit Bomb right out of him and sends him tumbling against a rock.

"Hey Kakarot, what's the opposite of Christopher Walken?" "Huh?" "Christopher Reeves!"

CRUNCH! The giant monkey stomps down right on Goku's legs, crushing and immobilizing him.

This is such a bad, good joke. I still think about this one from time to time. And honestly, considering how I started binge-watching these in high school (where I more or less developed into an entirely different person), this joke here might very well be the genesis of my love for black humor. I'm fully willing to admit I'm biased on this, but I think this is one of the funniest dark jokes in DBZA, full stop. If not the whole series, then at least within Season 1. Don't care, evil.

Just as he's about to be crushed for good, Goku shoots a quick energy blast into Vegeta's eye, causing him to stagger backwards. This is where Goku makes his cunning escape, dodging, weaving and doing aerial acrobatics around the massive monkey man, accompanied by victorious fanfare. Or not. Goku's legs are still broken. But it's nice to just imagine how cool that would’ve looked, y’know?

Vegeta then decides he's just going to squeeze the life out of Goku, and his screams can be heard well into the distance, all the way to Krillin and Gohan.

The giant monkey keeps squeezing Goku until he squeaks like a rubber ducky, or a chew toy. He does it again, and another squeak.

"Oh my god, that's hilarious."

In the middle of squeaking Goku relentlessly, Gohan decides to make a stand, having blown back to fight Ape Vegeta. He gives a verbose speech that culminates in "The bigger they are, the harder they fall." and then strikes a fighting pose like his five year old ass is going to do anything against a fifty foot behemoth. Battle gong and everything playing in the background.

Vegeta just stares at Gohan, and then after a pause, squeaks Goku again. This has delightfully petty energy to it, especially coming from Vegeta.

While Gohan has caught Vegeta monologuing, Krillin attempts a sneak attack on Vegeta, but he effortlessly humiliates him and thwarts his efforts by simply hopping over the Kienzan that was coming from behind.

However, he couldn't anticipate two sneak attacks. That or Yajirobe was simply that unlikely of a hero, but here he comes sword and all to save literally everyone's lives as he slices Vegeta's tail clean off his rump.

With no more tail, Vegeta regresses to his original Saiyan form. He's no less dangerous, however, and just as Krillin tries to bring the hype, he gets immediately pinballed into the nearest rocky structure and the owned count strikes 9.

The writing on Vegeta's speech following this is actually quite good. "I thought I'd be angrier" is not a take I expected from someone who's had such major meltdowns and cataclysmic conniptions thus far. It does a good job of illustrating how far down the rabbit hole we've gone, to the point where he has become so angry that he's encountered a stack overflow.

Goku and Gohan have a touching moment, both broken, beaten and bloody, but as they share a heart to heart, and their hands extend towards one another's like a Michelangelo painting, Vegeta comes in like a good fiend and gives Goku a killer knee-shot to the ribs. You have to wait for the right moment!

They immediately cut away to an intermission, which they never do in any other episode, but honestly it fits here. The alternative would be to end the episode here and we've still got another three minutes and some change to go. It's an arbitrary production joke but it's necessary and well done for the scene as a whole so it gets a pass and then some from me.

When we resume, Vegeta and Gohan duke it out, which provides a convenient distraction for Goku to hand off part of the Spirit Bomb to Krillin. It turns out he'd been saving some of the earth juices from when he got the snot knocked out of him earlier, but only a little bit of it. Krillin is confused as to why Goku would trust him of all people with it, and Goku concedes that his back is kind of against the wall on this one.

With a yipee-kay-yay and a booyah motherfucker, Krillin lobs the Spirit Bomb Lite at Vegeta, who simply jumps Krillin’s attack for the second time. Maybe aim a little higher next time, or better yet don’t loudly announce your attacks. Not that anyone in this series would understand that concept anyways.

Now the Spirit Bomb is heading straight for Gohan. But it's okay because Gohan is a main character, so he just Uno Reverse Card’s the Spirit Bomb off his hands and it sproings upwards towards Vegeta once more.

Side note, I don't think it's ever explained, either in the abridged or the original series, how Goku is able to communicate telepathically with Gohan. Yes, Master Roshi says in Dragon Ball that "any highly skilled martial artist can read minds" but does that just mean reading minds or actually communicating between them? And if that's the case, why doesn't Goku use this more often? I could probably find at least one plot point that could've been avoided by this, but the answer is probably extremely simple. Goku is a moron. It's very easy to explain away forgetfulness or inconsistent writing when you can just default to saying that your main character is an idiot who forgot he could do those techniques that you forgot existed as a writer. Don't think about it too much I guess.

"What smells like deer?"

I’ve actually missed this joke every single time I've watched this episode so far, except for just now, when I watched it to write this review. The old father deer from before! That is such a cool and unexpected callback.

Anyways, Vegeta gets punked by the Diet Spirit Bomb and goes sailing into the sky. The Z Fighters - which is now just Goku, Gohan and Krillin - are ecstatic in celebration.

"It's been tough, but now, we'll never have to see that rotten Saiyan ever again."

Cue Vegeta's lifeless body ragdolling to the ground with a meaty thwap. Krillin tempts fate by approaching the body, and that goes as expected. Vegeta opens one eye and screams. Then the others all start screaming.

Very weird production mis-step or weird decision with the source footage here. Vegeta's face at least moves, but because all the others have panning shots, they freeze in weird, awkward positions. The action lines don't move, some characters aren't fully in frame, and it's very obviously a still image instead of  something like a loop. Maybe this is just what they had to work with. Still, very immersion breaking. Though honestly, I'm almost glad that if something like this had to happen in this part, it was at least in the last ten seconds.

Goku is confused because he can't move. I mean, they won right? Why is everyone screaming.

[Part 3]

This part begins immediately with Krillin getting bitch slapped, earning a 10/10 on the owned counter. Vegeta then decides he has had exactly enough of everyone and everything, and goes for the nuclear option.

Fortunately for our heroes, Vegeta has been so worn down, battered, sent through the ringer, and has suffered so much damage to that one eye in particular, that he doesn't have enough energy left to kill everyone all at once. Instead, he opts to get his hands dirty and cut them each of them down one at a time. Speaking of cut, here comes Yajirobe with his sword. It can pierce through Vegeta's armor, which is wonderful news but ultimately pointless. However, it serves as an excellent distraction.

Remember that fake moon? Remember how Vegeta only returned to normal form because his tail was amputated? Remember earlier how Piccolo had to destroy the Earth's actual moon because Gohan was a rampaging Donkey Kong lunatic? Well guess who just woke up staring right at that fake moon in the sky.

Lacking any barrels in the vicinity, Ape Gohan decides to throw around some rocks.

Goku, again, reaches to him telepathically and reminds him not to go on a rampage killing everyone.

"Remember Icarus? He did it."

Now, purely within this episode, this isn’t an issue. It’s a funny haha moment. However, this scene gets a little more irritating or perplexing once you’ve seen some of the DBZA movies. This knowledge did hamper my enjoyment of this scene on rewatch. However, that ultimately isn’t fair to this episode as a stand alone product, and my gut instinct of “My knowledge of episodes that came out well after this one retroactively makes this episode worse!” is also something I try tooth and nail to avoid. So I’m going to talk about this for a bit and get it out of my system so I can approach it fairly.

Simply put, Icarus is a headache. He's Gohan's friend and pet dragon of sorts, for like three random movies, some episodes of Z and then never gets mentioned again. Goku implies that Vegeta is responsible for Icarus' death, despite the fact that Icarus is still alive at some point after Goku defeats Freeza. I would normally take up the stance of “okay, let’s ignore the official canon / non-canon and just stick to DBZA” but he ALSO features in the DBZA movie Cooler’s Revenge, so this is multiple layers of crazy. 

I understand that DBZA exists primarily as a form of parody and thus prioritizes humor and “working with what you’ve got” over some things a harsh anal-retentive person might deflagrate them for (cough cough) and are not afraid to contradict themselves on points of little significance for the sake of humor. I also don’t think they had any long-standing plans to incorporate Icarus into Z at the time this episode was made - They may have simply wanted to make a joke about the DBZ equivalent of Poochie the Dog from Itchy & Scratchy.

Like I said, Icarus is headache. However, simply in this moment and nothing else, I do feel it works. It’s shows a cute dragon geting exploded. Who couldn’t feel bad for this poor random dragon that I totally haven’t ever seen before? It also works within the story itself -  Gohan gets sufficiently angry, and Vegeta starts treading the tightrope of desperation. 

Gohan's Ozaru form isn't long lived however, as Vegeta suddenly learns the Kienzan and slices his tail off with it. Small problem though, Gohan was airborne, and the regression back to a normal Saiyan form is not instantaneous. His massive body looms over him, and with a Big NO, Vegeta go splat.

He's down but not out. He at least has enough energy to call for his Space Uber to come and pick him up. As he's crawling hands and knees into his escape pod, Krillin suddenly decides he wants to be important, and appears with Yajirobe's sword, poised to strike. 

Vegeta is understandably terrified, because after the day Krillin's had, he's gone full ride or die mode and isn't about to wait on an invitation to go full Thanksgiving turkey on this maniac.

However, Goku wants the pacifist ending and gives a very simplified version of the original speech to Krillin. If he's sorry, we have to let him leave. Because that's what being a good boy is all about. It's noteworthy that one of my all-time favorite Vegeta quotes happens right here in the original dub.

"When I come back to this planet, you're all going to suffer. And when you beg me for mercy, I'll stare into your eyes as I crush the life out of you."

However in this version, we're treated to "Yes, I'm very very sorry. Sorry that you're all still alive, suckers!"

And honestly, both versions are fitting for their respective interpretations of Vegeta.

As we pan out, the narrator waxes on the victory of the heroes and how he made bank from his bet with King Kai. Next time, don't make bets with the narrator you stupid idiot. Big dumb idiot god. 

I'm writing this at close to 4am if you couldn't tell. Scheduled uploads!

"Has anyone really not seen this show already? Find out in the next season of Dragon Ball Z Abridged!"

And that's it folks! Well, almost. We have one final scene to go through first.

Vegeta is hurdling through space in his Saiyan pod, lamenting his laundry list of losses and failures, but at least concedes that his situation cannot get worse. But we all know what happens to people who tempt fate.

"Vegeta... VEGEEEEEETA..." "Wh-What?" *DING* "I'm haunting you."

And thus, we've reached the end of Season 1! The Ghost Nappa song plays and the outro credits roll.

Conclusion

First off, definitely a longer review than I'm used to writing. Secondly, this was a great three-parter. I wasn't sure if the format would hold up like it does for single segment episodes, but it does. Now I'm sure there are bad episodes to come in the future, but for now I'm happy that the last three or four episodes have all scored relatively high. TFS is going into Season 2 with some great foundations built upon their older, more crude material, and they still have a lot of room yet to improve. I should consider being more critical with this next season as the expectations will be higher!

There’s one noteworthy gripe I have with each of these three parts, but only one worth writing about. -Vegeta suddenly sounding different, as if I didn't talk about that enough. I swear I'm not taking crazy pills. -Weird freeze frames at the end of Part 2. -Icarus, simply because he messes with me on a personal level. This fucking dragon doesn't make any god damned sense.

Other than that, I liked it. I don't know if I'd say "I loved it" but for the series as a whole, we're getting there at breakneck speed.

The first part had some great back and forth interactions with Goku and Vegeta, both the dialogues and the beam struggle, while the second part had more stand-out moments with just Vegeta, from the squeaking Goku, to the "I thought I'd be angrier" speech, his perfectly timed knee to ribs, and the famous last words "What smells like deer?"

The last part... didn't actually have much of this. I didn't find the talk about Vegeta’s father to be terribly funny and nothing else he said was extremely stand-out like in the previous two parts. This part didn't so much have humor as it was the "let's wrap things up" segment. Most of the noteworthy moments happen close to the tail end. I will admit, even ten years later, I still got a little sentimental hearing that outro from LK, and let's not sleep on Ghost Nappa. They may have done you dirty in Kai 3 but we still love you!

Overall, I'm happy that this was as good as I remembered it. I found jokes I didn't pick up the first few times, flaws that I didn't know existed, and a new appreciation for some subtle details that may have glossed over me while I was busy laughing about Christopher Reeves.

Part 1: 75 Part 2: 78 Part 3: 72

Score: 75

Passing Thoughts

"Kaio-Ken!" "Kaio-What?"

Small error on my part - Piccolo blows up the moon in Episode 4, and in my review of that episode, I mistakenly attribute a scene from this episode to DBZ Kai Abridged.

"I'm going to enjoy this far more than I should." - And like that, Vegeta has suddenly become relatable.

"Thank God, I thought he meant penis!"

"Time to crush you like an Arlian." "A what?" "Exactly."

"I haven't killed a damned thing since I got to this god-forsaken planet! Not for lack of trying mind you."

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

We’ll Carry On - Chapter Fifty

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

July 13th, 2018

Roman didn’t understand. There was a woman walking down the street, and people were laughing and jeering at her. She had a bit of a five o’clock shadow, and her jaw was a little more square than most women, but she was wearing a dress and she had breasts, so she had to be a woman, right?

He didn’t say anything as she passed him, but he smiled kindly at her and mouthed, “You’re beautiful.”

She lit up like he had just hung the moon and signed something, that Roman thought was a “Thank you.”

“Roman!” the horrible woman shouted. “Don’t socialize with those types! You will not be that in my house!”

Roman cringed, but he stood by his words. He thought the woman was truly beautiful.

June 16th, 2020

Roman was excited. Some might say a little too excited, but no one could really blame him. He was going through his freshman orientation at the local high school, and had signed up for all his classes, making sure to pick Drama as one of his class choices. As his backup, he had put Drawing and Pottery, because both of those could be pretty cool, too, but he really hoped he got to have Drama as his art course.

The high school was a big place, but right now, he was just eating lunch with Chad and a few of the kids they had gotten to go on a tour of the buildings with. All of them were talking about what classes they wanted to take and clubs they wanted to join with wide eyes. Roman knew he had a bit of the excitement bug too, but his was curbed somewhat. “Trust me, guys, it seems cool now but there’s gonna come a day where you can’t wait for summer break,” Roman said. “Logan insists that he’s ready for winter break by October.”

“Your older brother is hardly a paragon of knowledge,” one of the girls, Ellie, snorted.

“True, but he’s going to be a senior next year, so I think he knows what he’s talking about,” Roman said. “Anecdotally speaking.”

“Mm, I agree with Roman,” one of the boys, Rocky, said. “My older sister can’t stand going to high school by November.”

“Wait, is your brother Logan Picani?” a third kid, a girl by the name of Maria, asked.

“Yes? Do you know him?” Roman asked. Suddenly he felt like he needed to be on guard and he didn’t know why.

“My older brother knows her. She’s the transsexual that was in his calc class,” Maria said. She wrinkled her nose. “Personally, I don’t understand why anyone would make that sort of life choice.”

Roman blinked once. Twice. Saw red for a couple seconds. Took a deep breath. Laughed with ice and venom blending together in his voice. “Okay, first of all, he is transgender, not transsexual. Transsexual is an outdated term that many people in the community find offensive, from what I’ve been told. Second of all, being transgender is not a choice. He wanted to be true to himself and because his parents disagreed, he was kicked out. So my dads adopted him. Being transgender isn’t easy. It brings all sorts of unwanted attention, and Logan has told me that if he had the chance to be cis, with either gender on the binary, he would take it.

“He gets all sorts of rude comments, from people who are close-minded bigots like your brother. And if you point me in the direction of your brother, I’d love to knock some common sense and LGBT terminology into his head. Especially considering that I’m bi and would like to be respected that way. So, let’s see: my dads are a gay couple, my older brother’s trans and queer, I’m bi, one of my younger siblings is nonbinary. Is there anything else I can say about my family that would disgust you into leaving this group and never calling my brother a transsexual again?”

Maria stared at him, shock and disgust warring for control on her face. “How could you possibly encourage that sort of thing?! Don’t you know you can go to Hell for that?”

“Provided that even is true, which I severely doubt, Hell will be fabulous and I will happily live with my brothers, my sibling, and my two dads there for all eternity. But if you can go to Hell for being gay, why would a higher power even make gay people? Huh? Riddle me that!”

“It’s obviously a test,” Maria snapped back. “Proving that you’re strong in your faith, and you won’t give in to the temptation of sexual desires!”

Roman blinked. “Wow. I...just...wow. I feel really sorry for you, Maria. Your parents must be real pieces of work for you to believe that.”

Maria huffed and crossed her arms. “Whatever. I don’t approve of your choices, but we can still be friends. Love the sinner and hate the sin.”

“Uh, no, we can’t be friends, because the ‘sin’ you’re hating is literally a piece of me. Frankly, if you believe all that BS that you just spouted, I wouldn’t want to be friends with you anyway. That’s just wrong on so many levels.”

Maria growled, grabbed her lunch, and stood. “Well, then. I hope you enjoy Hell, because that’s where you’re going!”

“God is dead, and the gays killed Him!” Chad hollered after her back, laughing.

“Oof, I’m glad we avoided that one early,” Ellie said.

“Yeah,” Roman agreed. “Honestly, I don’t think that Hell...is a place? Exactly? And you certainly don’t go there for loving someone who’s the same gender as you.”

Murmured agreement came from the whole group. “What does nonbinary mean?” Rocky asked.

“Oh, it just means you don’t feel like you’re a boy or a girl,” Roman said, returning to his lunch.

There was a beat of silence before Rocky asked, “There’s a word for that?!”

“Yes...?” Roman asked. “Do you feel like that fits you?”

“Yeah, a little!” Rocky agreed. “I always felt like...kind of a boy, kind of not? It’s confusing. But I don’t have to be a boy, I can be nonbinary!”

“Yeah! Look up nonbinary stuff online, you’ll learn a bunch, and you might find a more specific label that you like,” Roman encouraged.

Rocky pulled out his phone with a grin and Chad laughed. “Well, today is a day full of discoveries, huh?” he asked. “I think I see my parents pulling up, though, so I’ll have to say goodbye for now. I’ll see you guys around this summer, and at school in September!”

“Yeah, see you!” Roman said, as everyone else bid Chad goodbye, too.

Soon after, Roman saw Logan pull up in the school parking lot, and get out of the car. Unfortunately, Maria was walking over to a car two spaces down, and a guy who looked like he could be a linebacker for the football team was waiting for her. Roman said his goodbye’s quickly and jogged over to Logan. “Hey, man, let’s get out of here,” Roman hissed. “That girl with the freckles? Massive transphobe, and her brother—”

“I’m well aware of who her brother is,” Logan said coolly. “Jeremy has seen fit to torment me ever since I legally got my name changed. Insists on using it only because it’s what’s on my papers, but claims that because I’m still ‘Female’ on my birth certificate-which he doesn’t even know for sure-that he can use ‘she’ and ‘her’ for me. He’s a brat.”

Roman pulled a face. “Gross.”

“Indeed,” Logan said.

Maria caught a glimpse of them and stalked over, her brother following behind. “He’s the one! He’s the one who said that I’m wrong!”

“Well, yeah, you are wrong,” Roman said. “I’m not going to Hell. Even if I were, I would be happy to go.”

“Should have known he was the brother of the tranny, here,” Jeremy sneered.

Roman scowled and balled his hands into fists, sucker-punching Jeremy hard right below the ribcage. Jeremy crumpled inward, gasping for air. “Don’t call my brother that word ever again!” Roman bellowed. “C’mon, Lo. Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

“No complaints from me,” Logan said. They both got in the car and drove away. Once they were on the road, Logan said, “You realize Dad and Ami are probably going to get a very angry call from either that idiot’s mother or someone from the school?”

“Eh,” Roman said with a shrug. “Worth it.”

“I certainly hope so,” Logan sighed, “Because you just put a giant target on your back.”

Roman shrugged again. “I’m not going to stand by while you get insulted, Logan.”

“You sound just like Jack,” Logan said with an eye-roll. “It’s annoying. Cute, in a way, but definitely annoying.”

Roman gave Logan a grin. “That’s a high compliment you know. Sounding like your boyfriend.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Logan said, shaking his head and smirking.

“Oh, so I guess I should tell your boyfriend your highly-esteemed opinion of him?” Roman asked, snatching Logan’s phone from the cupholder it had been residing in.

“Roman!” Logan shrieked indignantly, using one hand to blindly grab for his phone even as he kept his eyes on the road. “Give me that!”

Roman gleefully held it out of Logan’s reach as he dictated what he was typing. “Hey Jack...Roman here. Your boyfriend thinks that comparing someone to you...isn’t...a...compliment! Ha!”

“Give it back!” Logan exclaimed, lunging for the phone and yanking it free of Roman’s grasp, at the price of nearly swerving off the road.

“Too late, it’s already sent!” Roman exclaimed.

Logan locked his phone and dropped it back in the cupholder. “I hate you.”

Roman laughed unapologetically. “This is Jack, Lo. I doubt he’d break up with you over that. If anything, he’ll probably just respond with a ‘mood’ and be done with it.”

“I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about you,” Logan said.

As if on cue, Roman got three text alert messages in a row, and he could see they were all from Jack. More kept coming, and he arched his eyebrows. “How many texts is Jack going to send?”

“Probably around fifty,” Logan said casually. “Most of them about stealing my phone to send text messages, a couple calling you a snitch, some memes, at least one asking if I’m driving and that’s how you got to send the text, and the final two will probably be a ‘thank you for telling me’ and ‘but mood.’”

Roman watched his text count go up and his blood pressure with it. “This is ridiculous,” he muttered.

“This is Jack,” Logan said with a laugh. “It’s how he is always.”

“Doesn’t that get exhausting?” Roman asked.

“Well, he’s always tired, but I doubt that’s the reason,” Logan said. “If that’s the only life you ever know, and the only attitude you’ve ever had, I doubt it would be as exhausting as it is to you now.”

Roman made a huh noise. “Don’t you ever get overstimulated talking to him?”

Logan glanced at Roman. “I mean, sometimes, I guess. But not usually. I’ve gotten used to his energy, as it’s grown as both of us grew. To me, he has the same energy levels as he did when we were in kindergarten and he asked if he could call me ‘Jessie.’”

“Did you slug him for that?” Roman asked.

“Well I didn’t know I was trans yet,” Logan said. “So I wouldn’t have punched him over that. I just really hated the nickname. Though I don’t think I punched him for it. Because he asked once and then never again. Apparently I looked completely disgusted at the thought of being called that.”

Roman got quiet, all of his current questions answered. A thought occurred to him, along with a new question. “Do you think of yourself as...you know...your deadname, when you think back into the past?”

Logan hummed. “You know, I try not to, but when I think back to before I realized I was trans, I almost always think of myself as either ‘Jessica’ or ‘pre-Logan.’ I know most trans people eventually adjust and they say, ‘When I was a little boy,’ or ‘This is a picture of a tiny whatever-their-name-is.’ I haven’t made that adjustment. I’m not sure I’m ever going to, at this point.”

“That’s fair,” Roman said. “I don’t ever think of you as...as that, but—”

“Roman, you can say it. You can say Jessica, it’s not a dirty word,” Logan said. “So long as you don’t call me by that as if it were still my name, you can use it around me. It took me a while to distance myself from it, but now I can hear the name without flinching. You don’t ever think of me as Jessica. Just the sentiment behind that means I trust you to use that name, just never on me.”

“Yeah. I don’t ever think of you as Jessica, but it’s weird seeing traditionally feminine clothing on you. Jack showed me some old yearbooks, and I nearly got whiplash,” Roman said. “And I’ll always use Logan when referring to you, even as a little kid. Because the whole, ‘back when he was a she’ or ‘when current name was deadname’ thing is just scummy, especially if you don’t have permission to out that person.”

Logan smiled. “You’re one of the good ones, Roman. Thank you. Would you be willing to go to the GSA next year?”

“Definitely,” Roman said, nodding. “Especially because you’re Vice President.”

[phandomficfests]

Writer’s Corner: yiffandquiff

Introductions

First things first, tell us a little about yourself. Hello! My name is Alexis and I am a 20 year old college senior from New York. I currently study Communications and English with creative writing and I’ve been watching Dan since 2013 however, I’m not sure when I got into Phil. I’ve been a massive YouTube fan since as far back as I can remember but didn’t get into fandom’s until 2016!

How long have you been writing for? I have been writing actual stories since I owned my first laptop at the age of 12 or 13 but I didn’t start writing fanfic until 2016!

Tell us about your current project. My current project is finishing my longest and most popular fic I Want It, I Got It. The fic started as what I assumed was going to just be a oneshot that has completely taken over my life. I don’t have much left to write for that so when that is over, I’m going to be focusing on the Phandom Big Bang fic that I have signed up for!

What is your current word count? 555,013 according to Ao3!

Questions on Writing

Do you have any WIPs? Oh yes! I have literally so many but I have a few WIP’s that I’m working on for some fics to hopefully go up by the end of the summer! One includes a dark circus au, a cute summer romance, and a parent!phan au!

How much planning and outlining did you do before you started putting words on paper? Has it been pretty smooth sailing or rough waters? When things get rocky, how do you handle needing to rewrite sections or scrap scenes entirely? I do a lot of planning and outlining actually. I have a really tough time keeping focus on what I’m writing if I don’t have outline to guide me. I quite literally have to plan every single bullet point for what I want to write before I can actually write something down and feel comfortable with it. As for if it’s been smooth sailing, right now, yes it is. If you would have asked me a year ago, I’d have said rough because I was struggling a lot last year to do any of my fics. I was struggling with numbers and notes and my own self-confidence. However this year, I’ve been feeling a lot better in my writing and I’m writing more and writing often and it’s a lot smoother. As for when things get rocky, my best course of action is to close my document and walk away for a few days, letting myself just take a breather. I find that if it’s getting to the point where I’m hating everything I’m writing and I’m wanting to delete everything I’ve written, it’s probably because I need a break and so I’ll close the document and walk away and come back when I’m in a better headspace and see what I wrote and what I need to do to fix it.

What one piece of advice would you give someone that wants to be a better writer? My best advice that I can give is to read other fanfics! I know many people don’t want to do that because they’ll feel like they will start comparing themselves to the authors of those fics but I think the one way you’re going to improve is by reading the subject you want to write on. So for me, if I’m writing a fic on a specific topic, I’ll find a fic with a similar topic and read it and it’ll help me a lot. I think if someone wants to become a better writer, it’s best for them to read what they can and they’ll see their skills improving without even realizing it.

What part of the fic writing process feels the best to you? For me it is definitely the actual fic writing! There is honestly nothing better for me than to have my fic outlined and ready and then see it all come to life with my writing.

Are there any themes or tropes that you like particularly like to explore in your writing? I’ve never really been one to stick to exploring just one specific trope or theme but I often find within my fics that I do add little pieces of tension and angst and I think that there is just something kind of nice to explore the sometimes ‘not-so-nice’ parts of being in love.  

What inspired you to write fanfiction? I was in another fandom and I had known fanfiction existed but I had never done anything with it and one day, I stumbled on Ao3 and I started reading the fics in that fandom and I was really intrigued because I loved writing. I used to write just to write and I had always wanted to share my writing online so reading all of these other fics made me realize that this was something I could do. So I found a ‘30 days of Christmas’ fic list and I just started writing them in a document on my computer and although I never posted those, the rest is definitely history since look at what I’ve done since 2016!

What is your writing process like? Do you have any traditions or superstitions that you like to stick to when you’re writing? My writing process is normally I think of an idea, make an outline for it, start writing it, have a crisis and abandon it (lol) and then come back to it eventually. If I’m really into a fic, I can write around 5k in one sitting but it has to be if I’m really into my writing. I don’t really have any traditions or anything that I stick with. I mostly just think of an idea, outline it, and then begin writing and see what happens. Recently, I’ve been using a word count tracker and I honestly cannot see myself not using that during my writing process now!

How do you deal with writer’s block? I don’t lol So real talk, I actually don’t get writers block that often. It is actually really rare for me to sit in front of a fic and not know what to write because I do keep such a thorough outline for it. But if I do encounter writers block, I normally just will sit in front of my computer with the document open and keep trying to write and push through because sometimes you really just need that one little push to get you back into writing.

Don’t forget that you can check out Alexis on tumblr at @yiffandquiff or on AO3 here. If you’d like to be on the list for a Writer’s Corner feature, sign up here!

[arethereanyoriginalusernames]

Old Critiques Discussed: The strange case of a favorite character, continued

Greetings to you, disruptive and curious mortals. Tis I, the corrosive Spirit of Critiques Past. I am certain that those who have stumbled upon this digital message will most definitely be puzzled as to what is occurring presently . To those, I give thee the obvious suggestion that you read the previous post I have made. I do not intend to restate what was communicated previously, so I leave the labor of gathering information to you. Before we begin, I would like to fulfill a request I have been given.

"Tell me what you think "

Oh I most certainly will, Sir who reblogs all.

Regarding your comparison to Gandhi, I agree that your idea may be a possibility. Perhaps the discrimination suffered by Beelzey may be used to communicate that trouble will be arise for all, regardless of whomever it may be. I still have one query for you. Why would we need this message, particularly from Beelzey? The only possibilities for this, from what I can tell, would be to have it used to connect Beelzey to other characters through pity, or to have it serve as a lesson to Beelzey that leads to some form of character development. Having a character gain adoration from a pity party is honestly unappealing. Would it not be more satisfactory if characters were to connect with him for reasons other than something outside of his control than simply"Oh deary me, this child gets upset sometimes"? Having this be a lesson that Beelzey must learn would be more interesting, but a case would have to be made as to why discrimination is being used to communicate this. Do other demonic characters face similar problems? Thus far, Beelzey has been unique in this regard.

With that finished, let us continue our discussion by going over the graphic novel proper. AreThere attempted to suggest the idea that Beelzey's personality would change every chapter depending on what purpose Ms V intended him to carry out. While one could see why AreThere would consider this, I feel that a better way to discribe the issue is that the story emphasizes different aspects of Beelzey. See, AreThere pointed out that there is a massive shift in how the audience is meant to feel about Beelzey between chapters 2 and 3. Chapter 2 had Beelzey as a sort of antagonistic force, whilst 3 encouraged the audience to sympathize with and root for him

I can suggest a simple solution to this. In chapter 2, do not have him lock his cousin in a locker. To put it simply, in the original text, Beelzey came off a little too strong. Beelzey is supposedly a brat, but even a heartless being such as myself can tell the difference between bratty behavior and sadistic nature. Bratty would be to throw a temper tantrum because you did not get what you wanted. Not imprisoning your relatives without food and drink for a week because they might interfere with your evil plot. Some irritating ingrates may suggest that his dark side took over here, but I cannot agree with this idea entirely since there is no hint given that this is the case. This is the second time we meet Beelzey, and we do not know much about him. How would a casual reader put this together? The only positive I could fathom about the locker scene is that it could be a starting point before Beelzey matures and strays away from these activities. Unfortunately, this seems to be used solely to take Jackson Wells out of the following portion of the chapter.

Regarding the tone shift in chapters 3 and 4, a formerly active account, @zoophobiacriticism , used the term "cutie-fying" to discribe it. By this, I believe what they mean to say is that Beelzey is being changed to be more attractive to the audience. To their credit , they're correct. There is clearly an attempt there to make Beelzey sympathetic to the audience.

Chapter 3 has the only instance where I could agree that we see this supposed "dark side ", which occurs during the confrontation with Leeson. Apart from the physical changes gone through by Beelzey, his personality changes to some degree. He becomes more serious, aggressive, defensive and I dare say more mature than before. Even in his more sadistic moments in chapter 2, Beelzey maintained a more immature and laid back demeanour. There is also the confrontation with his parents , which shows us Beelzey's motivations, and his relationship with his parents, particularly his father. I have no real issues with this chapter, but I want to draw attention to the fact that the actions committed by Beelzey in chapter 2 are never brought up.

In chapter 5, we see a version of Beelzey that seems more loyal to the idea of him being a brat. During this chapter, his friend, Addison Woods, is going on a date with an untrustworthy individual. What does Beelzey do? He tries to talk Woods out of it, throws a temper tantrum, and then stalks Woods for a few minutes before getting distracted by an enormous pink reptile who would very much like to welcome him to Chillie's. Also, while the events of chapter 3 are brought up, chapter 2 is still not mentioned.

So what happened exactly ? Personally, I am of the belief that aspects of Beelzey's character was changed during the making of the digital graphic novel. Perhaps he was initially planned to be more sadistic, but ms V changed her mind. Allegedly, the character information sheet for Beelzey was released between chapters 2 and 3, when Zoophobia was experiencing some level of technical difficulties. Perhaps ms V simply got more into the habit of writing Beelzey a certain way. It's impossible to say for sure.

Unfortunately, there is a possibility I would like to discuss here. In the first half, I claimed that this character was good in theory, but unsatisfying in execution. Despite the issues I had with some aspects of the character, I still stand by that statement. For each concern I presented , I admitted that there were ways that one could make them work, save for the "dark side", although I am certain someone could come up with a satisfying solution that problem. But looking at what was given in the story thus far.... it undeniably makes my nonexistent stomach twist with doubt.

What was given in chapters 3 and 5 was satisfactory, yes, but one cannot deny the existence of chapter 2. I would understand why AreThere would enjoy a character such as this had it not been for this chapter. After discussing chapter 3, when comparing it to chapter 2, I believe we can come to the conclusion that no "dark side" appeared here. So unless we receive confirmation otherwise, this chapter has Beelzey acting the way he normally does. Remember this. Also keep in mind that according to ms V, Beelzey is meant to be a comedic character.

This comedic character has done the following in this chapter; harassed a girl who is not interested in him (Valdez and Wells make it clear that Beelzey's flirtatious attempts have occurred often ), refuses to consider her feelings about this harassment, has manipulated others for his own gain, left a family member in a locker for a week with nothing to support himself with, took pride in mocking someone who was not in a positive or healthy mental state, held no sympathy towards anyone he hurt, gets no real comeuppance in the end, greats distrust and distress between a couple, and is only annoyed slightly by his plan not working. At the very least in the other chapters, Beelzey committed questionable actions that resulted in consequences, and there, at least a case was made for why he would decide to do such things.

But let's get to my real bother. Question, were any of the actions in chapter 2 supposed to be funny? Yes, one could see them as "entertaining ", but does nobody question the fact that the following chapter is attempting to make this character sympathetic ? Yes, let's feel sorry for the sociopath who will actively hurt and manipulate anyone at his disposal. To be clear, I have no issue with Beelzey having character flaws.

But the story currently has two different characters called Damian Beelzey , and I demand that it pick one.

Because one cannot exist without sending questionable messages and actively damaging the other. Beelzey , as I discussed, in good in concept. There are a lot of ideas there that can be explored, but what is given is truly bizarre. He has great potential, but this start is so rocky, I cannot stand on the same boat as AreThere.

One last thing I would like to add on is to touch on future relationships we could see with this character. While AreThere and I both see the idea of the anti Christ dating a hipster snake as amusing, I have some questions. One, where did Ink go? It seemed as though she'd be heavily involved with Beelzey's story, but she appears to have faded away. Perhaps she has been scrapped, although I cannot confirm this for certain. Maybe Beelzey will have more than one relationship , but apart from him flirting with characters in joke sketches, there is no indication of this. Second.... let's be honest. As delightful as Elijah seems. .. what would he or this relationship contribute exactly? How does this serve the narrative ? Does this have anything to do with character development? What's the point? There has been hints that Elijah 's predecessor, Eiglet, was connected to Adina, a villain set on killing Beelzey. We cannot be sure if Elijah shares such a connection, unfortunately. Maybe the relationship could just be there to provide light "fluff", which I suppose is alright. I just do not see any reason as to why we should be interested in this relationship.

Finally, we draw this discussion to a close. I must return to the void, at least until AreThere once again passes out after unwisely overendulging themselves with Halloween candy. I am most certain I could present a different viewpoint and different arguments and ideas. And of course, unlike that simpleton you all seem to care about for whatever reason, I do not apologise for anything.

Fare thee well,

And sleep tight tonight.

[sarakuper]

New York, New York

Stop #28, Sept 28-Oct 6

We arrived in Connecticut to meet my dad and Denise, his parter, who graciously offered to keep our truck and trailer on her property while we spent time in NYC. My dad gave us a ride into the upper east side of Manhattan to stay with my mom for the night. She came downstairs with my childhood dog, Rocky, so we could introduce him to Jaxon and get them comfortable with one another. While walking them together up and down the block Mikey and Laura arrived and the 5 of us had dinner together. It been so long since we were all together for something as casual as dinner. It was so nice to all be together! Mikey and Laura slept in Inwood (upper Manhattan) that night at my Aunt Frema’s while me Sean and Jaxon got comfortable at my moms place.

Sunday morning we slept in, ate breakfast together, then my dad picked me Sean and Jaxon up to head to my Bubby’s in Queens for the first night of Rosh Hashana. Aunt Frema was preparing chicken soup and side dishes while also panicking about the caterers who had yet to arrive with the food they ordered for our meal. We helped set the table and get organized, meanwhile everyone else started to arrive. Denise and her son, Mikolo, Michael and Laura, and then Aunt Alane, Uncle Lew, and my cousins Aaron and Jack (who are like brothers to me). We were a total of 14 in my Bubby’s apartment and she couldn’t have been happier to have everyone there, although we missed Shelly who flying back to the states from Israel. By 6:30pm the food had finally arrived only 6 hours later than they originally called for. 

Rosh Hashana was always one of my favorite Jewish holidays growing up. It celebrates the new year and we get to dip apples and challah in honey to represent a sweet year ahead. Not to mention, the main food is always delish! To our surprise, even though we catered this year, everything still tasted home made. There were FOUR types of kuggel, which is not surprising considering this is a Kuper gathering. But seriously, four!? My dad made the classic potato kuggel in addition to the cauliflower, broccoli, and noodle kuggels. There was also chicken soup with matzo balls, chopped liver (which sounds totally gross but is SOO delish), brisket, chicken cutlets, and way more dishes that I couldn’t begin to name. 

I haven’t been with my family for this holiday since I moved to Colorado, and quite honestly it was so great to be together again for a happy occasion. We drank lots of wine, yelled conversationally across the table, and ate until we were stuffed. We could have had a second seating with the amount of food that was left, but again, this is typical for our family. We have major portion control issues! 

As the night came to a close Bubby handed out goodie bags to all the “kids”. She usually bakes for everyone, but with her current health and age she decided it was time to buy the cookies to give out. Everyone left one at a time leaving me, Sean, Jaxon, and Aunt Frema; we all slept at Bubby’s. 

On Monday morning I woke up to join my Bubby and Frema relaxing on the couch. My Bubby has the most comfortable couch in the world and I take a shloof (aka nap) on it almost every time I’m here. So, as per usual, I made myself comfortable with them. 

An hour or so later my Dad arrived to go to shul (aka synagogue) at Young Israel, my Bubby’s local soul. After he gets back we  have a “lighter” Rosh Hashana lunch with the many leftovers from the previous night, but before we that Aunt Frema and I went for a long walk in the neighborhood with Jaxon. My dad got back and we had a late lunch that ended around 4pm. We were so full, and I couldn’t believe that Sean and I were going over to Lew and Alane’s for yet anther Rosh Hashana meal with Alane’s side of the family. We were having ANOTHER massive meal only 2 hours later. I found Sean laying down on the couch in the room we slept in and he stared at me as he said “I… can’t… do this… again” referring to the large amounts of food we’ve eaten in the last 20 hours. Well, we did!

By the time we got to Alane’s, also on the upper east side, Sean and I decided to go very slow. Eventually we were able to eat another full meal of chicken soup with matzah balls, brisket, and lots of side dishes leaving our bellies stuffed once again. Most of the Jewish holidays are like a marathon of eating, and Sean certainly got to experience it first hand. 

We slept in the next morning, still totally full, and hung out with my 13 year old cousins Aaron and Jack who actually look 16. We brought over pizza and then walked to the park to play basketball. I love these boys so much, they are like my brothers! They are also my favorite people to hang out with when I come to NYC. 

Our dinner plans with friends got canceled, and so Sean and I decided to have a night downtown to ourselves. Sean also wanted to stop by Soho Ink, a tattoo shop not far from Chinatown where we planned to eat dinner, and at the last minute decided to get the tattoo right then and there! He has lots of gaps between his current tattoos that he “needs to fill” and so this time he got an axe. It turns out the artist who was available to tattoo him was a finalist on the most recent season of Ink Master, a TV show.

After the tat Sean and I walked through Little Italy and Chinatown to get our “must eat while in NYC” soup dumplings. Usually we eat at Joe Shanghai for soup dumplings, but we wanted to try something new. We headed to Tiny Shanghai and ordered 2 rounds of soup dumplings, cold sesame noodles, scallion pancake with sliced beef, and chicken broccoli with white rice. Overall the food was delish but way less authentic than Joe’s. Since we were in the neighborhood we went to some of my old stomping grounds like Whiskey Tavern and Ryan’s daughter. At both places, to my surprise, someone who worked there when I still lived here still remembered me and welcomed us with free drinks and a good time. It was a fun date night for me and Sean! I kind of got the feeling Sean would like to live here for a little bit, maybe just a year or two. I would never do that again! But, I really do enjoy visiting. 

Wednesday morning was a lazy morning until my mom got out of work early to spend the rest of the day with me, Sean, and Jaxon. We walked around the upper east side en route to a nearby park, but it was so hot walking on the streets we decided to sit in the shade at an outdoor table for coffee and ice cream. The rest of the late afternoon was spent prepping my favorite dish that my mom makes, fried pork cutlets with sweet cabbage and potatoes. Sam came over to join us for dinner before heading out to meet her friends. Theres nothing like a home cooked meal from my mamma <3

Thursday was meant to be spent hiking with Sam somewhere upstate but because of the cold rain we decided to skip it. Instead Sean and I met her downtown and went straight to Joe Shanhai’s for a soup dumpling lunch! Yes, soup dumplings again… we could never eat too many of those. We ordered 5 rounds between 3 of us for a total of 40 dumplings. Sean only had about 8 and the rest were split between Sam and I…. yeah…  :) We continued to walk around downtown heading to the lower west side and got ice-cream at a Japanese style ice-cream spot called Tayaki on the way. Sean and I had a war of throwing shredded coconut at each other. 

^^ This is what the entrance to Joe Shanghai’s looks like ^^

We walked to a place in the west village called Uncommon which had coffee, drinks, and snacks but offered endless games! I immediately thought how much the Elser’s would love it here! We paid for an “all day” pass which was $10 each or $5 if you have a student ID which Sam does. Sitting for almost 2 hours we played Ticket to Ride and Phase 10. Eventually Sam had to leave to head to class and Sean and I went uptown to take care of the puppers at my moms place. Almost immediately we all went back downtown to Uncommon to spend the rest of the night gaming. This time Tomo, Sam’s partner, met us and we started a new game of Phase 10, which really is so similar to Kaluche. For the first time in what feels like forever I won!!!! :) AND I whooped everyones butt. FINALLY! It was killing Sean, which gave me so much joy. He was trying so hard to get everyone to come after me so I would win, but Sam has been reading my posts and while she didn’t help me win, she definitely wasn’t going out of her way to try to make me lose. What a friend! 

Friday morning I had brunch catching up with my friend Sarah, whose getting married just before Thanksgiving! In the evening Sean and I went to Hoboken to go to visit my life long bestie Toni and her husband of 1 year, Ross. They have a lovely apartment and welcomed us with a beautiful Shabbat dinner. After dinner me and Tone spent the rest of the night watching youtube tutorials of how to do the shuffle (dance moves) and were sad by the realization that we don’t have the same dance skills we once did. Ross and Sean were watching sports but were totally amused by our efforts to nail these dance moves. Sweaty and tired, we did not reach our goal, but we did laugh our butts off. After saying goodbye and being sent off with a bunch of goodies we headed back to my mom’s apartment for a short night of sleep; we were waking up at 4:30AM to go on a fishing trip with my pop and two cousins.

4:40AM quickly came and me and Sean got ready for a long morning on a boat. We walked to my cousins place only 15 blocks south where my dad picked us all out to head to Sheepshead Bay. We fished from 7-12pm and had such a blast! After I took a quick nap on the boat I woke up with enough energy to fish and caught 5! At one point I caught 2 at once, and in total only 2 of them were keepers. Sean caught more than 10 fish, 1 being blowfish which was so fun to see!!! My dad and cousins caught a few too, and the ones we kept were filleted on the boat and packaged to take back for my aunt and uncle to cook for dinner. On our way back to the city we stopped for lunch at Roll and Rooster, an old school place thats been around for a long time! On the drive back in me and my cousins all fell asleep in the back seat, and of course Sean snapped a picture. 

The rest of the day was spent napping before one final dinner out with my dad and Denise. Being exhausted from the long day we didn’t stay out long and went to bed shortly after. Both Rocky and Jaxon put us to bed that night. I think they had the best time together! And Jaxon certainly loves his grandma Annette (my mom) because maaaaan did she give him a lot of food and treats!

Sunday morning my dad gave us a ride back to Denise’s house in CT where we packed up our stuff, prepared the trailer, and hit the road to head back to Colorado for Taylor and Ej’s wedding! It will take us 4 days to get back to Colorado, but we couldn’t be more excited to celebrate the love and marriage of two of our best friends!!!! 

Thanks for reading fam, love you all! 

[comicsqueer]

Call Dick Grayson Romani, You Cowards

I’ve been a big fan of Dick Grayson for a long time, longer than I’ve even known that I was. I grew up obsessed with Cartoon Network’s Teen Titans, where Robin was one of my favorite characters. I only learned later who he was, what he became, and what he stood for, both in universe and out. As I got older and gayer and tired of hyper-masculine narratives, I grew to really, deeply, strongly dislike Batman. Even still, I never got tired of Robin. Guess when I learned about his Romani heritage? Last week. Over a decade of persisting interest in this character, starting from long before I was reading comics or even knew his real name, and I learned his cultural background last goddamn week. That’s garbage. It’s just gross, too. Retconning non-white backgrounds, or completely different non-white versions, for beloved characters is always difficult for the major comics publishers to pull off. This is obviously due largely to the overwhelming racism prevalent in comics fanbases, and I get how that makes it an impractical decision in a capitalist society where comics sales are already going down.

Here’s the thing though: do it anyway.

(Massive post under the cut, whoops.)

Electing not to tell diverse stories for the sake of making money is disgusting, but shoehorning in additional cultures to score points for diversity and then ignoring those cultures is so much worse. By doing that, not only does DC get avoid telling diverse stories, but they get to appeal to diverse audiences when they need to. Now they get racists’ money and liberals’ money, yay! This is exactly the case with Dick Grayson’s Romani culture. Don’t Dumbledore your readers, DC. It doesn’t count as representation if you never talk about it in universe, and especially not if you rarely talk about it outside of the comics either.

The retcon came in 2000’s Titans, and it was handled about as well as one might imagine a story of a deeply abused, stigmatized, and erased culture would be handled at the turn of the century. The whole thing is sloppy and littered with slurs and stereotypes, and it was rarely brought up after its rocky debut. This is the beauty of the comics industry though - it’s a constantly growing, evolving, collaborative effort. Devin Grayson had the right intention, even if her application of that intention was a hot mess, and it should have then been the next Titans/Batman/Nightwing/Whatever writer to smooth this transition out. Instead, DC dropped the ball completely, the addition to Dick’s character got passed around just enough to get basically retconned out again, and by the time the next generation of DC’s consumers was old enough to, y’know, consume, it was like it had never happened. What, was Dick Grayson’s white-passing appearance enough for all the racist and xenophobic writers on staff to just close their eyes to the newest chapter of his character? Like if they don’t say it out loud it never happened? Or was DC just embarrassed that they still publish racist books despite their best efforts, and if they don’t talk about it they don’t have to acknowledge their own faults?

It honestly doesn’t actually matter what the reason is, because all of that is bullshit. Fortunately Tim Seeley, writer for DC Rebirth’s Nightwing, agrees, and did mention Dick’s heritage in his books. That’s awesome. Really, it’s such an important thing to do, and he has talked about Dick’s heritage on Twitter so that even people not reading the books may know. Seeley put out some bomb Nightwing comics that you should really read, and all of which featured a canonically Romani Grayson.

That was a couple of years ago now, though. Since then, DC Universe has come out, and two (one and a half?) new versions of Dick Grayson came with it. Young Justice, another classic animated show from the 2010s, has featured Grayson prominently since episode one, and has shown him as both Robin and Nightwing. Young Justice has also been comparatively excellent about diversity, reimagining Aqualad as a black character who was so well received that he was written into comics after his Young Justice fame, and reimagining Artemis as half Vietnamese. Artemis remains a main character in the new season, and is joined by black superhero Black Lightning and a hero named Halo, who was reimagined as a refugee from a fictional East Asian country and who is always wearing a hijab. So where, exactly, is Dick Grayson’s acknowledged Romani background? This show has proven since episode one that they want to diversify the standard lineup, so why do they refuse to do so with the canon culture of one of its most prominent heroes?

The other one would have been huge. Not that any diversity is bad, but DC had the opportunity to hire a Romani actor for their live action Dick Grayson in the DC Universe original show Titans. The only thing better than diversity in media is diversity that directly benefits artists and creators of marginalized demographics. This show also reimagined a well known hero, casting the alien Starfire as a black woman, to intense backlash. That backlash was disgusting, but they carried on with her casting as they should have. It again begs the question, if they’re willing to break the mold for one character, why not represent Dick Grayson’s established Romani heritage?

We can assume that it’s because of a neat cocktail of ignorance and knowing prejudice on the part of creators, but it’s time to fucking stop. It is the year 2019, and it’s time to stop half-assing representation in media. The two superhero movies in theaters right now are both lead by people of color, and they’re both crushing the box office. The next to come out will star a woman. We are so far past disproving the bullshit excuse that there is no market for diversity in these stories, and it’s time for DC and Marvel to start taking some responsibility as creators who could reach way more people with stunning, new, and interesting stories that cross cultural boundaries. So get to it guys. Dick Grayson hasn’t stuck it out as one of the most prominent characters in your lineup for over 75 years just to have his history and culture erased by racist assholes who care more about money than interesting stories that represent their increasingly diverse readership.

Tl;dr call Dick Grayson Romani you cowards.