#honestly if i had the means a weekend trip would be great

[bending-sickle]

i need to be alone and hedonistic for like 48 hours maybe then i’ll stop breathing funny

[reginaofdoctorwho]

god really loves kicking a bitch while she's down huh?

[thegoldensundreamer]

Love At Last

Onyankopon x black!reader

Warnings: exes, use of n word, squirting, fingering (f receiving), eating out (f receiving)

Word Count: 6.2k

He was a little older than me. A junior, and I, a sophomore. In college, you only had two focuses: have fun and study, and truthfully it helped me. No matter what anyone told me I had control to do whatever I wanted in life and didn't want anyone's opinions on how I'd be living it.

Honestly, that's what made my other ex's love me and even some, hate me.  But I mean it wasn't like he was always putting his expectations too high for me. Onyankopon just wanted to see me as my best self. When we broke up and I told him the reason as to why I couldn't do it anymore, it all really didn't make sense. I wanted to tell myself that I knew the reason as to why he was just so terrible but subconsciously I knew I didn't. And it was hard for me these past months. Really hard. I been seeing him on campus like a thousand times and he just keeps getting more beautiful and glowin like the sun.

He's the head of his team now and it never helps me that he didn't ever have any girls he just messed around with. Especially bonding and having a real relationship with his exes. Including me. And Its painful seeing him just living his life and me not hating him for any reason because he is really a great guy. So whenever I see him I make sure to shift my eyes to the complete opposite direction of where his head is at. Or even cover my face with a book or a water bottle to not have that awkward walk past. But I kind of wish he chased after me... and although I know its selfish I'm just as confused as when I left that boy. But I guess we all just have to move on.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"The assignment is still due this Sunday at 11:59 on Blackboard. I don't want any emails, text messages, or conversations next class about an extension. Period."

I honestly think Professor Rodriguez is tweaking now. No excuses? What if someone is sick or something?

The whole class groans as we pack all of our stuff. I mean, it's just a paper so I'm not tripping or anything. I just got to make sure to do it before the Que party this weekend. There's never been a problem before so I don't think I have anything to worry about.

Me and my girls have been planning to go to one of the Que parties we keep infamously hearing about. It's always wild, lit, and memorable till you graduate. All of a sudden when you get that degree they don't exist no more because you don't want no one to know of the hoe tales.

I haven't been to one of their parties yet, but Im excited. I haven't been outside in a while especially since I ended things with Ony. A few kickbacks here and there were going on this past semester for me but that's about it. I like being inside just as much or even more than I like being out.

When I walk down the university building, I put in my headphones ready to blast some Sexyy Red. That woman music got something in it I swear.

"I'm looking for the hoooesssss" I mouth to myself while I nod my head. Shit, I forgot how hard that bass goes. As I bob my head I can't remotely hear the voice behind me trying to catch my attention.

It was Jaden, one of Ony’s teammates, and he's also in Professor Rodriquez class. He gave up calling my name and just let me go.

•••

When I finally left the building and head to my car I instantly switch my music over to the Bluetooth aux and look at my assignment before I pull off. You see... he assigned it to us last Friday and I for real have just been procrastinating till now. I would say my time management is usually really good but its not.

"Ok so I got to just write about 500 words. I could do this tonight no problem."

I put down my phone and start adjusting my rear view mirror only to find light grey clouds of the day turning darker grey. I really hope it don't storm when I'm on the road.

Driving out of the lot and onto the highway, I continue blasting my hoochie playlist. Shrugging at the random pain in my heart I'm feeling, I call one of my girls talking about how much I think this party gon cut all my feelings from Ony and revive the party girl in me.

Im pulling into my apartment complex excited . I haven't been this joyous to go to a party in a while. The mere thought of shaking ass is bringing me serotonin. Just a sweet release of stress. Plus, it's Friday and the party is Saturday night so I'm definitely geeking.

When I stumble up the steps right before the entrance to my residence giddy and jovial, looking for my key, I slightly looked up. The scream in my head is definitely showing me how much I'm not over this feeling in my heart.

I stopped my movement and fought the urge to back step all the way back into my car and hide. I'm not sure why hes here at this time. It's 5:30 which isn't late for real but just a bit confusing enough to make you question why the hell someone is at your door uninvited. Especially since its here. At my apartment. And it's him. With his aura and skin glistening like oil on a hot body.

He was in some black muscle shirt with matching jogger pants. Shyly smiling at me at first but then noticing my expression, he looked down at the state of his body and cringed before looking back in my eyes. Clearly embarrassed. "Sorry you seeing me like this, I just came from practice so I'm still a little sweaty"

I secretly moaned in my head. He looks so good I had to catch my breath and his voice is still captivating up to now. I still can't forget the way he used to t-

I'm getting sidetracked. Let me regain this composure.

"Is there something you need?" I quietly ask. This is no good. The whole point is out of sight out of mind. You know how you want to block somebody on everything and really go out of your way to not see them in person so you won't have to think about them or double back? Well I feel like I'm breaking that right now. It's not my fault sure but the shame still feels the same.

Ony pulls out an object from his pocket. A white, slightly long but thin figure. He looks at it for a moment before looking up at me again and holding it up.

"I came here to give this to you. Im pretty sure it's yours. At least that's what Jaden said."

I squint my eyes in confusion at what he was holding and hurriedly looked through my tote bag to find that I did not have my Apple Pencil for my iPad.

So that's why he's here.

Apple pencils are expensive so I'm not mad. I would've been more upset if I only figured out I dropped it when I got inside and tried to start my paper. But how did he even get it?

He reached his arm out as I began to walk up to him for my pencil. I thanked him for bringing it to me and awkward silence overtook the little rain droplets that noted the thunderstorm about to take place.

Our hands touched ever so slightly as I grabbed my missing pencil. I withdrew immediately and he did the same faintly after. After a few long seconds, he broke the silence.

"Jaden gave it to me at the locker rooms after practice. He said he tried to give it to you after class but couldn't catch up or something so I guess he just wanted me to carry out the deed especially with some paper he mentioned."

I grinned and slightly nodded in understanding, quickly glancing at his eyes before staring at the Apple Pencil. It's strange. He can't really look me in the eye. I mean, I can't either but he's 6'2" so my excuse is good. On top of that, the nonchalance in his tone doesn't sit right with me. It's either he's forcing it or a part of me wants to believe he is just to delude myself that he still cares. It's unfair of me, especially since I probably broke his heart, but it's the real.

"I'll thank Jaden when I see him next class. Thank you for bringing it to me." I quip and walk past him to my door, beginning to find my keys in my bag with the pencil still in hand.

Damn when did I get this shy?

Onys attempt at being nonchalant somewhat was breaking. He stared at the pencil smiling as he spoke and pointed.

"I'm surprised you still have Chowder on there".

I turned my head around, mid-hand in bag. He was referring to the little sticker I had on my ex-missing item. The one that would help me differentiate my pencil from everyone else's so no one would take it. The one he gave me as a funny gift for the love of our mutual favorite childhood show.

I'm surprised he still remembers these little details about me. About us.

"Well it's still my favorite show. I don't think that's ever going to change." I giggle looking back for my keys.

It's hard to do this. To face him. How do people talk to their exes? This isn't even my first but damn. Now my minds all over the place with him and us all over it. All those memories we share. Good and bad.

I stop fiddling in my bag and spoke under my breath with the same thought, caught up in the idea.  "I'm surprised you still remember." I mumbled to myself.

I can feel his presence and his eyes on me, not exactly sure what his actions are. But his voice speaks up with a small sense of fervor in his tone. Something undeniably him. The tone I always craved since it left me.

"Y/n, you can't tell me you don't call to mind how Ive remembered every single thing I've been blessed to learn about you"

I still my hands from roaming once again after I found my keys. At this point, I don't know what's going on. But as I motion my mouth to find what to say a grand lightning bolt flashed down from the sky, hitting somewhere nearby. Thunder that sounded like an earthquake erupted, immediately pouring heavy rain down with it. With that, we instantaneously saw lampposts shut off. All electricity in the area immediately being gone in an instant.

"Ain't no way" I groaned. I can't believe this. I look around at all of the dark areas surrounding the complex except for the emergency lights powered from the generator. Putting my keys in the door, I heavily sigh opening up my residence.

Slowly walking in to the dim natural light from the blinds I turn around to Onyankopon, standing still at the doorstep, and tell him he can come in.

"Are you sure? My car is all good and everything I can still drive."

"In this storm?" I ask raising my eyebrow. I rolled my eyes, "You not gon get nowhere the way this storm going right now. It's fine. Plus, your place is probably out of electricity too."

He nods, "Well thanks, I really appreciate it" He awkwardly steps into the 3 bedroom apartment. My girls usually have class during this time last I checked so we're the only ones here.

I grab some candles to light across my home hoping for some sort of spark to brighten up the place.

Once I withdrew a breath and looked around, the rooms seemed to be lit up enough comfortably outside of the insanely romantic essence it gave off. I stood up from where I was crouched by the living room table where I made eye contact with him sitting up on the couch.

"Soooo could I get you anything?" I awkwardly stand there and he's just sitting... menacingly.

Ugh who am I kidding he looks so geeked out right now.

"It's honestly fine. Once the storm passes I'll be right out forreal you don't have to go through any trouble." He laughs.

With that in mind I obliged and went to my room setting up my laptop and iPad with my now found Apple Pencil. Since the electricity's gone that means I shouldn't have any distractions on focusing on my work.

"Right y/n, focus on the goal. It don't matter that your ex is in the other room. Get on your zoom!" Mumbling to myself  as I type in my username to blackboard to view the rubric.

"What the-"

Shit. Of course blackboard and the wifi is down too if all the electricity is out.

As I groan and leave my room to get a glass of water, I'm getting Ony one too. Seeing him roaming on his phone and placing the glass in front of him on the table I sit on the sofa opposite of him.

He looks up from his phone, "You did not have to do this", he began to grin to himself as he lifted the cup and started to drink.

As I began to speak we both got a notification.

ALL UNIVERSITY STUDENTS: ELECTRICITY IS DOWN ON CAMPUS AND ON AND OFF CAMPUS HOUSING DUE TO A SEVERE WEATHER STORM. MORE UPDATES WILL COME SOON. CURRENTLY, AN ESTIMATION OF 3 HOURS WILL BE NEEDED TO REPAIR DAMAGES TO ELECTRICAL UNITS.

"Fuck" I groaned.

"You're not gonna be able to finish that paper huh?" He questioned.

"No and it's due Sunday. I was hoping to knock it out today before the weekend really starts. I don't need to procrastinate anymore than I already have."

"Oh trust me I remember." He laughed. "I can help yknow. There's nothing else we can do here."

"On what though? Blackboard is down."

"Not google docs or notes app though." He smiled, "As long as you know what you're supposed to write about you're set."

"But I like looking at the rubric when I write to make sure my grades solidified"

"I'm hearing a lot of excuses misses honors student. If you wanted to do it you would at this point. Plus, my specialty is writing papers so I can definitely help"

I remember oh so well. This reminds me of when I procrastinated on a paper last semester the weekend before it was due just like this one and we stayed up till 3 AM writing it. So many laughs and double shot espressos from that time. His specialty really is writing essays and all sorts of papers. That assignment was 5000 words and we started the Saturday and still got an A.

"Shit, why not. It's only 500 words anyway" I joke.

He smiled and we got to work. The first hour went by like nothing. It felt like old times. 200 words were typed but the only thing holding us back was that I actually need to have proper cited sources. Professor Rodriguez do not play around either so it's been a painstaking amount of time trying to find anything with no internet and a on and off personal hotspot.

As Ony and I sit next to each other working on the paper, he lifts up his glass and it accidentally slipped out of his hands onto the table.

"Ah damn I'm so sorry. Let me-"

"No it's cool." I put down my laptop and got up to get a paper towel. When I sat back down and handed the paper towel to him our hands touched again. That once jovial, funny and somewhat relaxed mood we had was now gone. We're exes. This isn't what exes do. We're not friends.

But shit we were . That was exactly what we were like before we started anything or knew there was something there. Even during our relationship we felt just like this at times too. Where the hell did we go? Why did I let us go?

The awkward touch we had became more intimate as I decided to gently grab his hand. The eye contact he made was confused but willing. It spoke "why haven't you done this all this time while I'm right here?" Or at least that's what I think.

Our hands interlocked letting go of the paper towel at this point. Eye contact on something serious as we ask questions to each other with them. As I began to lean down on the couch, Ony couldn't stop staring between my eyes and my lips. He eventually and quickly took the dive, trying not to lose the moment. Embers burned and flowed through the air as he began to shift from my power to his. He embarked on leaning my back onto the couch rather than his. Hands splayed in my locs and taking small breaks to breathe before going back in.

Small moans escape my mouth as he's working me. Kisses pressed on my lips were coming down my chin... then my neck as he suckled on my skin. His hands roamed my body slowly. One on the side of my stomach nearing my ass and the other beginning to feel my breast under my shirt. At this point, he's starting to get more vocal, groaning and whispering sweet nothings along my body.

"You know how much I've missed you y/n. How much I've missed this pretty face... this pretty body... and this pretty pussy" he hissed one kiss after another. "Is this all ok? If you're not fine with this of course I'll stop. Tell me what you want."

His asking for consent was always so sexy and those words... damn I missed him and this.

I looked at his lust blown eyes as he looked up to mine from my stomach as he briefly stopped from going lower and lower.

"I want you Q. I'm all yours." My composure is definitely done at this point. He's got me right now.

"Don't worry. You know I will always take care of you." He slurred, slowly sliding my bottoms and panties down and kissing my inner thighs before locking them in his arms. It's been a while since I've been in this position and I've missed it since forever ago.

Slow pecks from my thighs came closer and closer to the apex of them. He must could tell how nervous I was since his thumbs gently rubbed where they laid at to comfort me. Im in love with the way they feel on me.

"So as you can see I do have some hair ri-"

He side eyed me. "Y/n I'm a grown ass man. You know I like my peaches with some fuzz on it. Now can I have my dinner please?"

He can get so forward like this it's making me shy. I rolled my eyes and laid my head back. I never thought I'd be in this predicament.

"Good girl. Just stay just like that baby."

He nestled his lips on my bundle, wrapping them on to gently suck at a slow and smooth pace. His rhythm was gradually fastening and shortly, his lips unattached from my clit to lap at the bundle once more flicking his tongue. He remembers. He always remembers what I like.

Beginning to close my legs from the sensation, he parts me once again lapping at my cunny fervently. Like some undying need that he can't let go. As a "punishment" for me not taking it, he inserts a finger and then a second to make me break even more than I already am.

I plead and moan, "Ony, baby, I'm leaking"

I can barely control my body now. My breath getting fainter as I breathe heavy.

"Good. You know that's what I want." He keeps pumping. Squelching ensues as he becomes infatuated with his doing. "Look at that shit. All for me huh" He asks looking at my fucked out face.

I disappointedly moan when his fingers leave me but he swipes my essence from its trail and sucks his fingers while maintaining eye contact with me. I whimper and squeeze at the sight.

I guess he wanted to finish the job though. I tried to reach over to slip my hand in his boxers just for him to grab my wrist and pin both of my hands down to finish what he started.

It's always like a switch in him when he's like this. So different from the sweet Onyankopon from everyday that everyone knows. So nasty. I love it. I miss it.

He mischievously watches me. "You feel this?" I moan as he pumps his fingers back in me. I roll my eyes to the back of my head and he chuckles. "I'm gonna take that as a yes. Let me make you cum, princess."

He lowered his head down again as he continued pumping into me. Licking a stripe up my honey and continuing the mess he was creating previously. Languid strokes of his tongue were hitting me just right and my moans started turning to desperate whimpers.

Building me up for a while, he then dipped his muscle into my pussy and interchanging with his fingers, curling them with each stroke. His other hand left my thigh and his thumb began rubbing my clit. Faster and faster he went I started to find my stomach tensing and the air becoming hard to breathe.

In between heavy pants I slip out "O, stop, I'm gonna make a mess!" my eyes rolling to the back of my head and legs lifting and coming together.

He didnt stop and pinned me down pressing on my lower stomach. My moans became octaves higher and higher. He lifted his head from my cunny, "you gon take it and make a mess all over my face. Don't hold back nothing."

With that, he continued his ministrations. My grip on his hair became as tight as it could as I could feel my voice go weak. My legs began to shake as clear liquid lightly sprayed out onto his face and a white ring began to form on his fingers. My pants were beginning to rapidly slow down as I came down from my high, un loosening the death grip I had on his head.

He came back up kissing my cheek then licking my essence off his face and fingers, "Always taste so good." Proceeding to take a rag from my bedroom to clean me up and carrying me to my bed.

Before we even got the chance to speak about what happened, my eyes fell. A nap took over both of us and hours that felt like minutes rolled by.

His arm around me as we slept on our sides felt  like old times. Like something right that I just ripped away from my body. It's so comfortable.

After a dream I couldn't remember, I wake up in a daze, looking behind me to see him knocked out and his arm still around my waist.

Gently moving it off of me, I slowly get up and walk to the bathroom.

"Shit I might as well take a shower"

To be honest, none of this has settled in my head yet. My ex boyfriend who I'm clearly not over in my bedroom after being nasty on the couch is sleeping on my bed... crazy. Real fanfiction kind of shit.

Pushing the light switch up, I notice the bulb illuminate the room. Thank the Lord almighty. I put on my shower cap and get in. I feel myself let go of a breath I didn't know I had when the hot water hits my skin.

This is insane. I shouldn't be hooking up with my ex. I cut it off for a reason... I think. It's gotta be this way for the both of us so nobody gets hurt.

"Bitchhhh" I think to myself in the shower holding my head.

Leaving the bathroom with my towel on, I see my ex looking over at me from his phone, arm now holding his head up to stare me up  and down in awe.

"It's been a while since I seen this view"

I cut my eyes and stand in front of him on my bed. "Look we need to talk- " and my head turned immediately when I heard the front door of the apartment open. Thankfully, my room doors closed, but my girls walked in the apartment gossiping when they called out my name to have our daily debrief of the day.

I cuss at myself and know they probably see the cups of water, candles, and his shoes at the door as they fell silent. Whispering to themselves with words I couldn't make out,  I eventually hear a knock at my door.

I looked at Ony, mortified with a finger to my lips, then took a deep breath, opening the door so they can only see me still in my bath robe.

"Heyyy" I greeted with the awkwardest get out and don't make this weird smile I know.

"Hey mookie, we just wanted to check on you and see if you're good with the electricity going off and everything earlier." One of them said, clearly peeking inside my bedroom to see who's here, eyes widening that it was him before he could move himself. She gave me a look and I gave her one back like we telepathic or something.

"Girl yknow I'm good, just trying to finish this paper" I say hoping she takes the message that I know she's getting from me right now.

"Yeah I'm sure it's realll hard" She said acting like a real smart ass.

With a few more exchanges they go to their rooms to settle down for the night. After hearing both of their doors close I rush back to my room.

"Yeah, you gotta go" picking up his clothes and pushing them to his chest.

"But-"

"Look, I wish there was a better time to talk, but you have to go. This... is strange. We broke up. There's a reason why this ended. I know it was probably stupid of me to let you stay here during the storm, but this wasnt my intention." Pointing at the both of us.

I picked his arm up before he could get a word out to reason with me, clothes just tussled onto his body. If he sweet talks me again I really might not double back this time.

We get to the door and with the least amount of strength he has, he turns his body towards me and gently grabs my hand before I could open the door placing it back by my side.

"Y/n...why are you letting go of us... again? This still doesn't make sense and you know that."

I still. I remember this feeling... this sense of regret. But just like last time, I can't tell if it's the wrong choice or because I don't want to let go.

In truth, Ony feels... familiar. He'll always feel like a memory and I don't want to get too comfortable in his light of nostalgia. He brought such a level of solace in my life that I never wanted to replace. It was even more so after we became official....I don't want to become stagnant because of it. I have my own dreams, my own endeavors, and my own goals that I want to reach. It would be so easy to be a trophy wife to him... and he'd gladly let me. As a woman, I don't want that to be the tell all be all of my life when I know that I had a life before him. I didn't know if I could escape from it then and I definitely don't know now. That's the real reason why I keep shutting him out and probably why we broke up... but he can't know that.

"Because I know we won't end well. We're two different people Ony and this idea that you can just up and think everything is picture perfect for us has to stop now"

He looks in my eyes with such disappointment, then slight anger as his eyebrows pushed together. He opened his mouth to speak again but thought about it and decided not to, closing his eyes in the process. With a heavy huff from his chest, he looked at my eyes one last time for the night before turning away and leaving the complex.

When I shut the door, My girls came out immediately like paparazzi.

"You were over him huh?" One of them snarled at me. "It don't seem that way to me love. Maybe you shouldn't even go to the party tomorrow."

I looked down at the ground and they both took notice of my state. We all went to my bedroom and I explained everything that happened tonight. Their eyes looked at mine with frustration and awe. I held my head knowing their reaction just like they've been telling me for the past 3 months.

"You are not over that boy y/n"

"I think you're confused"

And they're right. I am. But I tell them the same thing I told them every time.

"But when he makes it to the league, what am I going to do? Wag my tail like a dog after him and have niggas tell me that I want his money or that I don't have half his talent for anything like them bitches was saying when we were together? And what if he cheats? He gon have hella girls at his disposable and I'll be feeling stupid like  "I really wasted my time on this nigga". Y'all know how much I love Ony and I was just getting over him too. This is for the best for me right now y'all know that"

They gave each other a look and got up to hug me.

"Whatever decision you choose to make girl you know we got you. Just remember to listen to your heart sometimes"

With that, we said our little goodbyes and retired for the night. Ony on my mind, I went to bed.

Waking up, he is still on my mind. Getting my laptop, I tried to continue the paper but had no will power to do so. The whole morning and afternoon felt like that... no volition and all a blur. Wasting away in my bed after the three different times my girls checked up on me throughout the day I just can't escape him. It doesn't help having the daydream engrained of what could've been present with our past. In that same thought, I hear a buzz on my phone, too in tune with the delusional reaction thinking it could be him.

I look at it to see the ticket for the party tonight that one of my girls sent. I groan and get up, finally deciding to start my day and also prepare myself for tonight.

Hype hoochie music is playing on my speaker and I hear Looking For the Hoes again. I'm thinking of how good everything was before all that happened yesterday. Do I even regret it? Am I blocking my blessings?

I can't let a man distract me from my life though. There's a life before and after him and I have to remind myself of that.

Finally finished with my look and it finally being an hour after the party started, me and my girls head out for the wild night we been planning for months.

What I didn't know was that the line would feel like 3 miles long and realizing we need our ID when we're finally 5 feet before the security. Why are parties this complicated? I don't know. But luckily we all at least have pictures of our ID and got in.

When we step foot into the party, the first thing we see is purple lights illuminating the entire venue. People are scattered everywhere and in every other corner we see the Ques barking and hopping to their stroll.

"Lawd have mercy" one of my homegirls say in love with the ques. Me and the other laugh and roll our eyes.

After some time just standing, we decided to find a small table and sit down with our small get ups. Our drinks from the pregame were starting to kick in after 10 minutes and we were laughing our ass off drunk when we hear "Girl the way you move it got me in a trance-", and that was it. All of us pulled each other to the dance floor and start to turn up. I'm throwing ass on my home girl and catching from the other.

I needed this. Seriously. I forgot how fun it is to be outside in the streets. Seconds later, we hear a scream and laugh from a girl and gasp from the crowd. One of the Ques picked up a girl and started acting like he was eating her out.

We all looked at each other with our jaws dropped. Ain't no wayyyyy. They were not lying bout it getting wild.

Right behind where I see the spotlight shining, about 30 feet away, I saw a face I didn't think I'd see at all. Just as his eyes set in on the scene before him he also saw my eyes and we made eye contact for a brief second.

I turned my body so fast that I almost knocked my home girl over. In the middle of her fussing me out she asked what happened. Naturally, I told her that Ony is at the party.

"Why is a nigga at a Que party is the real question though?"

"Girl unimportant can we please move somewhere else"

We all move to a separate section of the party venue. This can not happen. I'm drunk and I been dancing? I can not see or be around that man right now.

Before I could even get the nightmare out my head, I hear a "Y/n" near my head. I turn around mouth slightly agape to see him once again. Even finer in his put together party get up than his athlete clothes from yesterday. My mind all caught up in him just like last time I'm in a blur of what he's actually saying to me.

"Y/n, why are you here right now?" He whispers yells in my ear from the loud music blasting from the speakers.

I look to my left and right and my homegirls dashed off like the road runner... traitors.

Looking at him once again, eyes low from the drink in my system I ask, "Ony, why would it matter to you? I'm not your girl and you not my man. We single. The real question is why you're at a Que party." Remembering what my homegirl had said to bite back at him.

He fixes his face, his tongue poking at the inside of his cheek looking at me clearly frustrated. Just looking at his face he can't leave me alone. Sorry that's just drunk me talking I don't know whats on his mind.

"Y/n, why the hell you been drinking so much? Don't you got a paper to finish?"

"Ony you are not my daddy get up out my face!" I yell at him. "I'm out here having fun with my girls trying to get over YOUR ASS so why can't you just mind yo business!" Oops. My eyes widened, that last part wasn't supposed to come out. Fuck.

Shit, how did he react to that?

Without time for me to look up and see his face or even hear him utter a word, he has my hand in his and leading me somewhere and fast. I'm trying to keep up but it's kind of hard to have good foot and direction coordination in a party like this and off my ass.

With all of the movement feeling like a blur, I found both of us outside of the party venue from some back door. It's slightly raining by the building and the night sky showed a bright orange street light that was our only light source.

He takes off his jacket and puts it over my shoulders to warm me. It's a bit cold. What a gentleman.

"Y/n ... what did you say?"

He stares directly in my eyes with a sense of fervency and hope. One that I can't deny now.

Part 2?

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Authors Note: Hi y'all! I haven’t written fanfic in soooo long but never stopped reading lmao. I loveeee this one so much. It’s Literally the best fic ive done period thus far. I’m trying to think if I should start writing again fr esp for my fictional anime men.

[wutheringmights]

Anyone ask for the commentary yet for the latest chapter >:3 *dies*

You’d be the first!

So this chapter is cursed. Let’s talk about that first. 

You probably noticed that my writing output has been in the gutter this year. I have not written half as much as I should have. There are two main reasons why. The first is that I finally decided to get off my ass and have a more enriching personal life. This means a lot more of my evenings and weekends have been spent exploring other hobbies or taking weekend trips. I don’t regret any of those, and they have really improved my life overall (but I do write more when I am a sad little shut-in).

The second, more pressing reason was that there was a very important wedding I was the maid of honor for. That means I have spent a lot of my free time this year planning a bachelorette, a bridal shower, and helping with general wedding prep. I honestly was not nearly as busy as an expert maid of honor would have been, but all of this took up so much of my brain space that I was having trouble being creative. Multiple times, I would go to a coffee shop with plans to write, only to spend the entire time stressing about buying a new dress or researching hotels. 

I did not realize how stressed I was about this whole thing until literally this week. The wedding is over now, and I am already biting huge chunks into the upcoming chapter. I just have so much more brain space to write. I feel free. 

All that’s to say that this chapter was primarily written the month leading up to the wedding, and my head was Not There. I was struggling to figure the chapter out, and that struggle is reflected in the quality of the prose. For that, I apologize, as inevitable as it was. 

I won’t make any major revision to this chapter, but I have plans to redo my proof-reading. There is an egregious number of typos in this chapter, more than I consider acceptable for a one person team of me. 

(That being said, my typos have gotten worse this past year; ever since AI was integrated into Grammarly and Google Docs, both have been godawful for helping me fix errors. I appreciate how lenient you all have been with my most blatant mistakes.) 

Now that all of that is established, let’s talk about this chapter.

This introduction to Proxi is really, really bad. I am frankly a little embarrassed that I went ahead and published it. While I had a vision for the first few scenes of Link trying to help Proxi and Jakucho’s aid afterwards, I didn’t realize until the day of writing that I actually had 0 plans for how Warriors and Proxi’s first conversation would go. 

I am not even joking. I have a bunch of plans for their interactions together afterwards (which will appear next chapter). But their first conversation once Proxi started to get better? None. 

So what little they talked together here feels like a waste of space. What’s worse, I don’t even know what I would change the dialogue to in order to fix it. My brain is blank. I don’t know.  It’ll probably hit me in a few weeks. This is the trouble with publishing what is essentially the first draft of a story. If my initial ideas are solid, it’s great. But when my brain farts, I’m screwed.

That being said, my favorite part of the past section is that first half where Link frets over how to help Proxi, as well as Jakucho’s speech about the fairies disappearing. 

I have been trying to subtly establish this era of Hyrule as being one that is shocking devoid of magic; having Jakucho mourn the loss of fairies and what omen that could mean feels like I am ruining things. Nonetheless, I just really like the idea of Jakucho having this small moment of wonder over seeing a fairy, as well as her verbalizing these fears that darker times are ahead. 

I think I just enjoy reading about older people having the same anxieties about the world as younger people. It’s more comforting to me than an all-knowing mentor. 

So this chapter has a lot of random names splattered all over the place. Me being me, I stole some of the names from other media and such I enjoy. I’ll point out any fun connections as I find them. 

So for Proxi’s list of names for Link, there’s two of note. The first is Grimshaw, which is the name of the male lead from Lightlark. Despite how much I talk about Fourth Wing on this blog, Lightlark is the bad book I am truly passionate about. 

The second is Wen-li, which is for Yang Wen-li from Legend of the Galactic Heroes. He’s the character of all time for me, and I will go insane if I think about him for too long.

This Proxi section was supposed to go on a little longer, but by the time it came to write it, I was 100% over this chapter. Luckily, next chapter will be a fresh slate and I can finally deliver on all my promises about Proxi’s return. 

I cannot emphasize enough how frustrating it is to know that I fucked up an important character’s return. It’s... sigh. C’est la vie. Whatever. 

Onto the present day:

So I have a particular problem with the present day section. The last chapter, this chapter, and the one I am writing now are all the same plot point in my outline. I severely underestimated how long the lead up to a Very Important Event was going to be. No doubt, I have probably made similar mistakes before. But I am trying to finish this story, so any time I have to draw out the pacing, I die a little on the inside.

I think I initially planned to just skim over how Warriors got to the castle, but then I realized that this was the politics stuff that is the supposed bread and butter of the story. But the reason why I wanted to skim over everything was (as Legend pointed out) fucking networking.

What’s worse, I got to this chapter and realized that, realistically, Warriors should have to spend at least a few months building up a cult of personality. This should be a (purposeful) multi-chapter arc. I don’t want to do that, so I tried to really emphasize how much Warriors was using his reputation as the hero and legends surrounding it to his advantage. Does it still feel unrealistic? Yeah, but we’re just going to have to cope with it. 

Sevas is named for the male lead in Ava Reid’s Juniper & Thorn, which was sitting on my desk when I realized the priest needed a name. 

Colonel Remarque is named for Erich Remarque, author of All Quiet On the Western Front. I think I had made a post name-dropping him around the time I got to this character.

Matthew Thorn... again, Thorn is for Reid’s book. Matthew was just the most bland name I could think of. 

Vlad Dubarry... so I was watching both Castlevania and Rose of Versailles and took the first and surname from both respectively. 

Between the conversation with the priest, the provost office, and Remarque, I was trying to give out a few more details every time to paint a clear picture without boring the reader by reiterating information over and over again. Unfortunately, I still managed to write three pretty boring scenes. 

That being said, I think the friction Remarque offered was interesting to write, even if I had to resist pointing out every single plot hole during it. 

So everything from the castle to Spirit being poisoned took me the longest to write. I knew it was boring, but I could not figure out a way to make it more exciting without omitting the networking stuff entirely. I didn’t really hit a stride with this chapter until I got to Spirit being poisoned. 

The entire time Spirit was being poisoned, I was rubbing my hands together maniacally. I have been searching for a good moment to have a true poisoning in this story and I finally got it. 

Also, I think if this chapter was of higher quality, someone out there would have realized that, for purely medical reasons, Hyrule had to technically give Spirit and smooch on the lips. There should be at least two very silly memes about this. But, alas. The quality.

You can tell I ran into the realization that, realistically, the Royal Guard’s structure would be more complex than I have alluded to previously. Very importantly, you can tell I realized that I should have mentioned the King’s Guard sooner if they were really going to be this powerful subsection of the Royal Guard.

I actually like how the idea that the King’s Guard is only super powerful in matters relating to the king, aka: Castle Town, and is pretty insignificant otherwise. The bureaucratic bullshit that must cause feels very real. But you can tell that I have no idea what rank that would make Endicott. I have been bending over backwards to not state that man’s ranking. 

That being said, his absence from Warriors’s social circle until now is kinda important. Put a pin in that. It will come back.

Also, Endicott is a name I stole from Over the Garden Wall. I picked it because it sounds like the name of someone important. I picked Roald at randomed.

I am really happy that a lot of you have been enjoying the growing distrust the Chain has for Spirit. Insert rant about how victims have to remain palatable in order to be emphasized with, and how tragic it is that the only person who seems to understand that is the person who traumatized him in the first place. 

I feel like I have been fumbling Time’s character a bit, and his conversation at the floor of Spirit’s bed is me finally getting back on track with him. I enjoyed writing that so much, from him trying to fold the scarf to him being upset that no one has learned their lesson yet, all while still not learning a lesson himself. 

There was going to be a comment somewhere that Spirit is in such bad shape in part because his lungs are weak from all that smoking he does, but I honestly don’t know if anyone but Spirit would make that connection. 

I also need to put Legend and Midna together more. They can be so snarky, and I want them to keep a running commentary of Warriors and Spirit’s bullshit like they are two sports announcers watching a football game.

I first imagined Spirit and Warriors’s conversation taking place on the parapet, and came to the same realization about the ladders that Spirit had. I’m glad I put them by the moat, though. The bit about the smell is probably my favorite bit of prose in the chapter. 

I also really like this conversation between Spirit and Warriors. It’s not as insanity inducing as their past bullshit has been, but it hits a few notes. I like Warriors showing off how much he understands Spirit’s abilities (via the jacket), as well as Spirit’s utter disbelief that Warriors is capable of caring for anyone but himself. 

I was also trying really hard to put more of their bullshit into subtext. I have a bad habit of having characters just state what they are feeling out loud, so I am trying to write more coded dialogue. It’s never just about a toaster, etc. 

Warriors was also having such a night of self-discovery. First he had a little moment to freak out about how much his sincere attempts to help sound like manipulation. Then he realized that he would probably never be fully exonerated from his past. Big night for him.

Being unable to fully fix your past is part of the reason why I buffer against the idea of Warriors having a redemption arc. That implies a certain amount of undoing that is just not possible. I don’t know if I am putting that well. However, I am concerned that I am letting my Catholic upbringing color my perspective.

That being said, if Catholicism was a thing in Hyrule, Warriors would be that and be plagued by Catholic Guilt

He’s Catholic coded.

Irish Catholic, to be specific. There’s a difference. 

Anyway, Four. When Four showed up, I was going to have this bit of dialogue where Spirit would allude to knowing about Vio (and therefore, Four) having a relationship with Shadow. It would have been nestled in a larger, coded bit of dialogue where Four would obliquely imply that he was starting to suspect what the Hot Mess is. I cut it because A) Spirit is so socially inept that he cannot do subtly like that, and B) Spirit’s spirit senses would not give him the ability to know about Shadow. 

I also did not want to commit to Four figuring it out first, if at all. 

I have so many ideas about what Warriors the Symbol means to the people of Castle Town that I will hopefully be able to elaborate on in this upcoming chapter.

Realistically, Hyrule Castle should probably be more like a fortress. But again, I have been watching The Rose of Versailles, and I just really liked the idea of the castle being this symbol of opulence during a time of poor economics. The people are struggling but the nobles are thriving, babes. 

Also, Endicott is so much fun to write. He’s like the true antagonistic version of Lincoln. That man was enjoying making Warriors squirm, and I was having a blast writing it. The sexual favors line? I was utterly delighted. 

Realistically, Endicott probably could have been replaced with Whitestone. However, Whitestone is still on the front and I don’t regret putting him there to be Wind’s superior during his short stint as a soldier. (Even if I still think I could have cut out Whitestone in favor of giving Impa more to do.)

I also feel bad for killing Meemaw off so suddenly, but I was enchanted by the idea of her name having to be crossed off because the death was that  recent. 

I also was going to have Endicott spare Warriors for unknown reasons, with the reveal that Ganondorf had been bribing him coming later in the story, However, I was so worried about this seeming too-easy for Warriors that I decided to reveal that detail early. 

Okay, King of Hyrule stuff.

I’m trying to play at this idea of Zelda’s reputation not matching her actual role. Earlier in the story, Warriors describes her as a socialite with no political sense, and Zelda derisively thinks that of herself as well. Then that bit about her being the face of the kingdom is supposed to contradict that perception. She can’t just be a socialite if she had been the mouthpiece of the king since she was a child. 

There’s supposed to be multiple mistakes going on here: Warriors assuming the worst of Zelda, a sexist perception of Zelda by society as a whole, and Zelda feeling worthless because she knows she’s just a symbol. Not sure if I conveyed any of that well. 

Reuenthal’s dementia was caused in part by a stroke, but he also has a condition called prosopometamorphopsia, which is a form of face blindness where faces become distorted the longer you look at them. 

Fun fact is that I generally knew that there was some kind of condition that had made Reuenthal isolate from other people, but I did not pick prosopometamorphopsia until I read this article from the New Yorker. I won’t go as far as to say that I wrote an accurate version of the disorder; I definitely played up the emotional distress it causes for dramatic effect. That is probably problematic, so please do not trust this story as a definitive source on it. 

This also went unsaid in the story, but I imagine that because every daughter in the royal family is named Zelda, they probably go more by their middle names. I almost named dropped one of her sisters as Zelda Artemis, just to be mean.

The last line “A week later, everything went to hell” is, admittedly, very silly. I had a whole section describing what that meant written, but it seriously sucked. I am in the process of rewriting it now, and it’s already so much better. Plus, now that I have another chapter to hit these plot points, I can explore a more daring version of my original idea. Very excited for it. 

That being said, I would 100% cut off that last line and probably improve the chapter by 3%.

And that’s the chapter! Again, I am so sorry that it was such substandard quality. I promise that the next chapter will be better. 

In other news, can I get your opinion on something. Ever since polls came out, I have wanted to do a little census poll on how many people know about CTB, read it, or choose to read it. Just to gage how big the actual audience is. 

On one hand, I think it would be interesting. On the other, it’s a practice in vanity that is very antithetical to how hard I try to be nonchalant about everything. I don’t know. Let me know what you think. 

[ennabear]

hii !! 🫶🏻 just discovered your account and i love it !! :) i was wondering if you could write some more headcannons about ellie? like, what job would she do? etc. i like to think that if she existed today, she'd probably be an illustrator for children's books !! that'd be so cool, tbh. i can see her making books about space or dinosaurs, and going to book fairs at schools to meet kiddos and talk to them about it. (crossover with professor!abby who used to teach little kids 🫶🏻🫶🏻) aah. sorry for rambling. but like, i just think ellie would have a blast if she existed today. like with all the museums ?? all the new ways to make art ?? but anyway !! what are *your* headcannons for modern ellie !! 🪐🫶🏻

modern!ellie’s job!! (hc) 🦕

thx for the request bae cause this made me smile so big. i have SO many hcs for modern ellie like i’ve been waiting for this moment!!!!! also dw about rambling i love to hear your thoughts 🤗

ok for starters i think ellie would be a nerd in high school. i know that some people headcanon her as a jock or a stoner (and that ellie has a special place in my heart) but i definitely think she’d be the opposite tbh. i imagine her with only a few friends (dina, jesse, cat). and i also think she’d have insanely good grades because she’s just smart like that. and all of her teachers love her because even though she’s quiet, she’s really kind and creative.

also i think her family would be just her and joel and maybe a dog. like imagine her spending her weekends getting guitar lessons from joel and then taking her dog on a walk and documenting it in her journal. she would fr have such a blast!!!!

for college i definitely think she’d major in astronomy/astrophysics or maybe art history?? and in her last years of college, she’d get a job as a secretary for a science museum. honestly, she didn’t hate it, but she was super jealous of the tour guide because she got to take all of the cute little kids on a walk and talk about the fun stuff while ellie had to sit behind a desk all day. but after begging her supervisor enough, she’d get promoted to tour guide after the mean old lady who used to do it retired.

and guess what??? the kiddos loved her!!! she always made sure the kids were having a great time and she knew a lot about what she was talking about, whether it was dinosaurs or planets or volcanoes. and the joke book came everywhere with her!! absolutely nothing made her happier than hearing the little monsters giggling and squealing about a joke that wasn’t even that funny.

abby and ellie would become good friends because of the time abby took her class to the museum on a field trip. they ended up actually really liking each other, especially because they had so much in common. and sometimes after work they’d meet up at a bar and talk about life, it was nice for them to both have a new friend who was equally as nerdy.

ellie would be a tour guide for quite a few years while abby got her doctorate. a few years after abby became a professor, ellie tried out illustrating a childrens book for a local visitor at the museum who was really fond of ellie. it was nothing too big, but she was really proud of it.

after she finished the drawings for the book, she wanted to try writing one of her own. so she decided to write a textbook for kids about dinosaurs with her own illustrations and a joke on every page.

safe to say it was super successful!!! she ended up going to local elementary schools and educating the littles about the different types of dinosaurs and each era they lived in. and you better believe old man joel was so proud!!!! his little girl ellie that he used to take to dinosaur museums was now writing her own dinosaur books!!!

i think eventually she’d quit her job at the museum and focus on being a writer full time, along with keeping art as a hobby. and i can 100% see her getting married and adopting a kid just like joel adopted her, and she’d pass on all of her science knowledge to her mini self. also i think she’d mainly only write science textbooks for kids, but may end up publishing a sci-fi novel or two.

i think that’s all :3 thanks for the ask sweetie pie ilysm 🫶

daily click / israeli themes in tlou

[resident-gay-bitch]

⭐️ Sirius Sundays ⭐️

Skirts are for boys too

It's safe to say that Sirius is quite mad. 

Honestly, why is a thing such as a uniform causing this much controversy throughout the school? So what if the girls decided to rock up in trousers one day? He would too, if he had boys looking up his skirt everytime he took to the staircase. It’s gross. 

It baffles him just how daft some people can be, calling the girls a bunch of queers for what they’re wearing on their bottom half. It’s even more ridiculous, considering they wear jeans and other types of trousers casually on the weekends, and Hogsmeade trips. He really can’t grasp why it’s so odd for them to suddenly rock up in the boys uniforms one day. 

So old fashioned, really. 

They’re sitting in the common room now, chatting as they usually do. And Mary states that she’s just going to go back to wearing a skirt tomorrow. She doesn’t want to deal with the comments all day. Marlene retaliates, saying she hates the fucking skirts, and Lily agrees, expressing how Thomas actually commented on her knickers the other day. However, by the end of the conversation, Lily and Mary decide that they’re going back to skirts, and Marlene angrily decides to suffer the commentary alone. 

Sirius thinks this is stupid. 

One, people should feel comfortable in their clothes. And two, who gives a fuck? Why are there specific gendered uniforms? Why can’t clothes just be clothes? 

So, after some thought, he knocks on the girls dormitory the next morning, and requests a skirt. 

They all give him weird looks, and he tells them it’s for a prank, of sorts. 

Marlene tosses her skirt at him with a huff, begging him to please take it, burn it, whatever he wants. And so Sirius takes it. 

And then he sauntered into the Great Hall for breakfast, right at the busiest moment, dressed in the girls uniform. 

Honestly, he looks quite good in it. He’s given it his own ruggish look, the shirt untucked, his tie all crooked, his robes slung over his arm rather than on so everyone can see. He’s even got some cute socks on with little frills on the top that he’d accidentally snatched from Mary on their group holiday over the summer that he was yet to return, and they stuck out over the top of his boots. 

As he entered the great hall, all eyes fell on him and silence took over. But he ignored it, smiling as he waved at his friends, twisting his wand out of his hair and plunking it on the table. 

“These things are drafty, it’s honestly nice.” He muttered, smoothing his skirt over his arse as he took a seat, “Though I get what you mean about them being short. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much thigh on display. I doubt I’ll do any bending over of any sort today.”

Marlene was laughing her arse off, “It’s probably because you’re almost a foot taller than me, Black. If I knew you were planning on wearing it I would have said something.”

“Hmm, well, I’m sure someone will appreciate it.” 

Marlene snickered, elbowing Remus in the side, “Yeah, someone.”

“Piss off.” He muttered under his breath. 

“How long do you think it will take for him to get dress-coded?” Lily asked. 

“Depends how homophobic the teachers are.“ He shrugged, “I do love a good challenge though, I thought the socks were a nice touch.”

“Yeah, that’s because they’re mine, you slag.” Mary muttered. 

“Isn’t a compliment to you that I incorporated them into my outfit?” He grinned at her, cheerily, making her laugh. 

“Do you reckon if we put some lipstick on him, ol’ Slyggy will think he's a girl?” James asked, nudging Peter. 

Peter snickered, “Yeah, he looks like one.”

“Maybe give him a bow?” Remus added, all of them teasing now, “A cute little pink one.” 

“Do you reckon he’s got a bra on under there?” Pete grinned. 

“Careful Mary, you might want to make sure he hasn’t stolen your knickers too.” 

Mary laughed, grinning over at Sirius, “Did you steal my knickers too, Sirius?” 

“I think if you put some eyeshadow on him too, you’ll even be able to trick Flitwick.” James said. 

“Oh, yeah, some sparkles would really bring out his eyes.” Remus added. 

“Get him all dolled up in pink.” Pete smirked. 

“I know you think you’re insulting me, but really all I’m getting from your commentary is that you think I’m pretty.” Sirius said, flipping his hair over his shoulder before getting himself some toast, “So go on, bag on about how gorgeous you think I am. All you’ll be doing is making me think you’re desperate for a shag.” 

“Oh, I think someones desperate for a shag.” Marlene commented, pumping her eyebrows over at Remus. 

Sirius sighed, sending her an unimpressed glare, “You say that as if you’re not desperate to get in Mary’s pants yourself-”

“Shuddup.” Marlene grumbled, blushing bright red. 

“Don’t tease her, Sirius.” Mary grinned. 

“Oh, so you all can tease me, but I can’t-”

“Mister Black.” The familiar echo of McGonagall's voice cut over their morning squabbles, and everyone looked up at her, looming over Sirius’ shoulder. 

“Morning, Minnie.” He said sheepishly, turning to grin up at her, “Lovely day, isn’t it? Sun's shining, birds are sing-”

McGonagall cleared her throat and pointed to the ground in front of her, a silent command for Sirius to stand before her. So, he bowed his head and hopped up from the table, hands tucked behind his back and toes turned together and everything. 

“Mister Black, considering the countless times I’ve had to tell you off and deduct points for your incorrect use of the uniform, I would have thought you’d have made yourself familiar with what's appropriate.” She eyed him over, “I can see now, that is not the case.”

“Sorry, Miss.” He muttered, blushing down at his feet. 

“If you are not changed into the appropriate uniform by your first class, I will have to deduct twenty points from Gryffindor. Do you understand me, Mister Black?” 

Sirius cleared his throat and nodded up at her, “Yes, Miss.” 

“As I’ve told you before, black leather, low heeled lace up shoes, or a simple Mary-Jane are viable. Large boots are not.” 

“Wait-” Sirius glanced up at her, “You’re telling me off for my shoes?”

“What else would I be telling you off for, Mister Black?” She arched an eyebrow up at him, the tiniest of grins on her lips. 

“I…” He smiled, nodding his head at her, “No, nothing, Miss. Promise I’ll fix my shoes for class.” 

“Very well.” She nodded, taking a few steps forward to quietly whisper to him in passing, “If any Professors try to tell you to change from that skirt today, Mister Black, come find me. I will not allow any detentions for that.” She smiled, swishing her wand down at his skirt to subtly make it grow a few inches. 

He smiled up at her as she drifted down the hall, smoothing his hands over his skirt, now at a more appropriate length down his thighs. He laughed and sat back down at the table, and Mary leaned into him, grabbing his hair to give him a couple of braids. 

“I can’t believe you just got away with that.” Remus muttered. 

“I can.” Marlene shrugged, stirring her porridge around sloppily, “She’s bloody brilliant about that stuff, doesn’t give a fuck. She’s trying to persuade Dumbledore to add girls' trousers to the uniform, you know, cause they’ll fit better.” 

As Mary braided his hair, and the lot of them continued to eat their breakfast, some crude commentary was thrown around the hall. A lot of students tried to taunt Sirius, calling him a queer or a transexual, but he simply chose to ignore it. By the end of breakfast, James was so red in the face about all the rude shit said about his best friend, he looked as though he were about to burst. 

“It’s bloody stupid.” He said, stomping his feet as they all moved back to the Gryffindor tower so Sirius could change his shoes before class. “So bloody stupid, who cares if he’s in a skirt? It’s just a skirt! Just clothes-”

“That’s exactly the point, James.” Sirius smiled back at him, “Honestly, the whole point of this was to stir a little attention. Not one person has said anything about Marlene today, have they?” 

“Wait, what?” Marlene asked, furrowing her brow at him, “You did this because…”

“Yeah, I guess?” Sirius shrugged, “I’ve also just always wanted to try a skirt on. Really, the draft is lovely.” 

“Is this… a protest?” Lily asked, “Are you protesting the bloody uniforms?” 

“Yeah, I ‘spose.” He said, marching towards the staircase in the common room, “I mean, who gives a fuck about what clothes you wear, right? And if you wear pants enough, and I wear a bloody skirt enough, they’ll stop commenting on it.” 

“You plan on wearing it again?” Mary asked. 

“Yeah?” Sirius smiled at her, stopping on the bottom staircase, “You heard what those gits said, I’m pretty.” He laughed before bounding up the stairs. 

The girls chased after him, bombarding him with questions that he thought may have been a little much. It was just a skirt, and so what if he’s queer? He’s not wearing a skirt because he’s queer. He’s just wearing a skirt because he wants to wear a skirt and he thinks it’s stupid that people think he can’t wear a skirt. What about it? 

By the time he’s come back down, Lily’s stuck flower pins in his braids, and Mary’s given him her raspberry lipgloss to try out. And on his feet are a pair of Marlene's old Mary-Janes that they had to use an enlargement charm on. Honestly, he feels pretty great. 

They come back down to the common room chatting amongst themselves about very regular things, when the boys are suddenly awkwardly shuffling towards them. 

“What’s your problem?” Sirius asks with a quirk of his eyebrow, “I swear, if you’re going to tell me to take all of this off-”

“No.” James cuts in, “We think it’s brilliant.” 

“Yeah, pretty…” Remus sighed, his eyes skating over Sirius again, “Uh- I mean, yeah, brilliant.” 

“We want in.” Peter said, leaning in front of James, “On the skirt thing.”

“How about a trade?” James grinned, puffing his chest up, “We’ll lend you girls our trousers, and you lend us your skirts?”

Mary and Lily looked between each other, then back at the boys with grins, “I mean, we already have trousers…”

“Oh, right.” Remus nodded, looking down at the ground. 

“You can have our skirts though.” 

They were all immediately elated. 

“If you let us make you all pretty.” Mary cut in. 

“Oh, this is gonna be brilliant.” Marlene chuckled. 

“Dibs on Lily giving me a makeover!” James said, already bounding up the stairs. 

By the time they came back down, they were almost late for class. All four boys in skirts, lip gloss, with pins and barretts and braids and pigtails in their hair. Sirius thought they all looked very pretty, actually. And the girls were elated, dressed in their comfy trousers finally. And yeah, no one said shit about the girls uniforms when the Marauders walked into class in skirts. 

And by the end of the week, no one had any more negative commentary to say about it. Sirius' trousers were long abandoned.

also heres some art i did for this:

[ktlsyrtis]

I've finally slept off enough of the jet lag to piece together some semi-coherent thoughts about last weekend.

First and foremost, it was so wonderful to get to see and talk to so many internet pals in person. Sharing this whirlwind experience with @seahorsepencils, @batnbreakfast, @starfleetwitch, @akaanonymouth, @iordio, @elphiessolsikke, and @ariverandasong is something I'm going to treasure always

(the rest is under the cut because this got long 😅)

Octopolis:

I have never been in a theater as small as the Hampstead. It is literally no bigger than my living room, with only two rows of seats around three sides. So when I tell you that Jemma was RIGHT THERE you can get a sense of what I mean lol.

Truly the wildest part was the moment of this person who you've seen on screen so many times suddenly being a real human person in front of you. Like I think my brain broke for the first few minutes of the show 😅. From that point forward it was just sitting back and taking in how engaging, funny and gorgeous she is in person. There were a few lines and moments in that show which will live rent free in my head forever. Especially what a huge dork of a dancer she is 😂

Afterwards the group of us waited in the cafe to say hello. When she came upstairs she excused herself for a bit because her brother and his family were there to see the show that night, which was very sweet, and then she came over to talk to us on her way out.

I know it sounds trite, but she really is just the sweetest, loveliest person. She took the time to talk to everyone and was so kind and engaged. I was able to give her the scarf I made for her. When she found out I knit it she was like "Really? Why would you do that for me??" 😂

The highlight of the evening came courteous of @seahorsepencils, who had seen the show the night before and told Jemma that a group of Berena fans was coming the next day.

Some actors might've been like 'oh god' and run for the back door. Others might make a big show about dressing up for their public. Not Jemma, oh no.

Meeting her was so overwhelming that I didn't notice at first. But while she was talking to someone else it suddenly clicked that she was wearing Bernie's pink coat! (I think I almost ripped @starfleetwitch's arm off when I realized lol) Slowly, the rest of what she was wearing sunk in:

Pink coat? Check. Black skinny jeans? Check. Sweater over a button down? Check. Chelsea boots? Check.

That's right friends. Jemma Redgrave, glorious dork that she is, FUCKING COSPLAYED BERNIE WOLFE FOR US!!!!!!

Honestly my biggest regret of the whole trip was that in the whirlwind of everything we didn't take a picture with her. Fortunately some other fan was there that night and got some photographic proof:

(yes, she is holding the scarf I made; no, I will not be able to be normal about it lol) (also when we told her we were going to Catherine's show the next day she said to "give her my love" 😍)

Great Expectations:

Another day, another incredible UK theater. The Royal Exchange is a gorgeous venue; much larger than Hampstead, but still very intimate. We were able to get seats in the front row banquettes for the matinee, which was an amazing experience.

Catherine on stage is...the only thing I can think of is a force of nature. Her sheer presence made it seem like she was a foot taller than the rest of the cast and she owned the stage every time she was on it. On top of that, she somehow she managed to make racist, decrepit Miss Havisham really hot??? Which is a contradiction my brain still hasn't been able to fully reconcile lol

Because of all the work that goes into her makeup she understandably didn't stage door after the matinee. Fortunately some of us also had plans to go to the evening show.

This time around my seat turned out to be on the aisle where she made all of her entrances and exits, which meant she was literally inches away from me every. single. time. (shoutout again to @starfleetwitch who was sitting directly across the aisle and therefore on the receiving end of many a gay-panicked stare on my part 😅)

It was a rainy day in Manchester and the official stage door is outside with no overhang, so we took a chance and hung around in the cafe/bar area after the show. We figured that Catherine going to the bar was as likely as the sun rising in the east lol

Fortunately the chance paid off - she came out to the cafe to have drinks with a couple of her costars and was kind enough to come talk to us (after asking if we could talk in the bar so she could get a glass of wine of course 😂)

I have to tell you friends, I have very little recollection of what I said from this point forward lol. Truly talking to her was like having some kind of out of body experience. There were a couple of specific moments that are burned in my memory

I gave her the shawl I made for her, and she immediately flung it around her neck and wore it for the rest of the night *cue internal screaming and flailing*

When we told her we'd seen both shows that day, her response was "Oh god why?? It's bad enough having to be in it twice"

I don't know if she like bathes in the blood of children or something, but her skin is FLAWLESS. Literally she looks 10 years younger in person with no makeup on, its insane. Also her eyes are just as sparkly as you think they are, and when she makes eye contact it is A LOT

She asked if we all wanted to take a picture and proceeded to put her arm around me ☠️☠️☠️

She spent a good amount of time talking to us and was just as lovely, funny, and ridiculous as I could've hoped lol. In particular she mentioned how happy it makes her that Berena has taken on such a life beyond Holby and that we've all made such wonderful friends because of it.

After we let her go to talk to her cast mates, I somehow poured myself into a seat in the bar and someone got me a much needed gin as we all tried to unpack what had just happened. At some point she came back into the bar and went out of her way to come over and talk to us again (she basically appeared right next to me, and when I tell you the sheer relief that it was in the 30 seconds I wasn't spouting my usual girl crush bullshit about her 😅)

...

The rest of the trip was sub-optimal, bordering on karmic retribution lol. The tire on our rental car blew out on the M1 on our way back to London, and what should have been a 4 hour drive came out closer to 9, when all was said and done. At that point there was only time to eat, sleep, and catch the plane home

I may not have had as much time to see everyone and to spend in London as I had hoped, but I have zero regrets about the trip. It was truly a once in a lifetime experience and I'm so, so glad I went

And the most important life lesson:

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff: Best Movies of 2023

This was NOT a great year for blockbusters, huh? This was probably Disney's worst in years, multiple flops including what was meant to be their centennial anniversary film. It looked remarkably by the numbers, but think of the conglomerate's losses... Anyway, this to me was a pretty great year for films. Like 2022, I'm amazed at the variety we got that says more about the shifting tides of people's interest in movies. It was the most times I've been to the theater. We got a big worker's strike over the summer, especially large push back against degenerates trying to push AI to do more than just shitposting. And it was enough for me to know Adam Sandler, Godzilla, and Hayao Miyazaki could get the better of Disney. With this said, let this be a first for Good Stuff and count down my favorites of this year.

12. Renfield

My suspicions were on the money and I'm glad I gave this a shot in the theaters. Cage was the best Dracula I could've asked for in what you might say was an Adult Swim-esque dark comedy. It definitely has that style of gruesomeness and humor given Robert Kirkman and the Writer/Director behind Moral Orel made this. Unfortunately, Ben Schwartz stuck out like a sore thumb even if he fulfills his purpose in this, reminding me of Christopher Mintz-Plasse in KickAss; I feel he or Jason Schwartzman would've been better suited. Plus it can feel all over the place, an identity crisis that you can't even grasp after it finishes. Then again, I just had fun watching and would gladly rewatch for Cage and Hoult who are the highlights of this.

11. Migration

Call it blasphemous, but I enjoyed this more than the Mario movie. It's essentially Rio mixed with National Lampoon's Vacation, with a lovable cast, solid animation, and an eazy breezy road trip story. I've always looked to Illumination for simple enjoyable romps and I got what I expected here. Gave me Amphibia vibes in a way, replace frogs with birds. Everything surrounding the villain is my only real issue, he was an obvious and very nothing bad guy, but it's overall better paced than Super Mario Bros where it felt like you watched an eternity in 3 minutes. Still don't get the air of folk looking down on this for just being serviceable when it's honestly become my favorite Illumination movie next to the first Despicable Me.

10. Killers of the Flower Moon

Sad to say this is the weakest Scorsese movie for me, mainly because it felt like we're following the wrong main character. Lily Gladstone is incredible in this, among the other great performers, but she felt sidelined in favor of DeCaprio and De Niro's perspectives. It's like if in 1995's Casino, we just follow Ginger throughout the moment Sam introduces her. I liked the turmoil Leo's character goes through, but it paled in comparison to Mollie who was more affected by his and Hale's actions. That does not mean it's all bad. This can be a beautiful, dynamic, and ruthless movie that just made me feel bad for watching it; running with the words "harsh reality" throughout the 3 and a half hour runtime.

9. Good Burger 2

I watched Good Burger 1 & 2 this Thanksgiving weekend, and just had a blast. These are the kind of movies that are charmingly stupid but not insultingly so. Kel Mitchell's Ed is emblematic of how much dumb fun this duology is where he's actively comical but not smoothbrained to ruin your time. This I say is like Home Alone 2 where it is just beat for beat the 1st movie with minor developments but that doesn't really matter when it's just as well put together. It never feels like Kenan nor Kel missed a beat and the drama not overstaying its welcome. It is just "Good Burger Again" without it feeling like diminishing returns compared to other rehashing sequels.

8. Leo

Can you believe this got better publicity than Disney's Wish? Even YMS could appreciate this movie, that's how you know Sandler has his recognizable game when you least expect it. But Leo is a surprisingly good comedy that has actually sincere moments. Being Happy Madison's 2nd ever animation, it's like Adam waited to refine the production as opposed to putting a cash grab together like one would expect. It's not all good, especially trying to be a musical, but seeing it once you'd be impressed how much good it does with the risks it takes.

7. Nimona

Like Migration, everything surrounding the villain is the one big issue I have with this, especially when it comes to affecting the film's message. At the same time, she pales in comparison to the dynamic pairing of Ballister Blackheart and the titular shapeshifter. Nimona is my favorite character of 2023, her energy and confidence matched by the struggle she bears existing alone and the facade made to band-aid it. Her and Ballister's journey alone made me glad this got out of development hell, being Blue Sky's final production posthumous. To me it wasn't about being a take that to Disney, it was about the fact a movie like Nimona got to exist as great as it did. Hoping Stevenson is satisfied with their adaptation, because it definitely earned its flowers.

6. Emesis Blue

Offhand, it openly sucks that Letterboxd refuses to let this stay on the site to log, but it can't be overstated how much of a marvel this was. Repurposing not just the characters, but the lore and mechanics of Team Fortress 2 into a feature length horror thriller. The animation's top notch where it can have godly framing that was on par with the known legends of horror film making. SFM animations can be beautiful on their own, shitpost or otherwise, but Emesis Blue goes a step beyond by having a compelling story fitting for the universe on top of, again, every frame being a painting.

5. Shin Kamen Rider

I've never really saw any Tokusatsu shows. Not that I hate the genre, just could never get into it while recognizing the glorious looking chaos found in clips. Knowing Hideaki Anno directed was what got me into seeing this film and it opened my mind quite a bit. This was the legacy film that definitely had Anno's touch in both the action and drama. While the climax can notably drag, you never feel left out of what was essentially the original Kamen Rider's origin story. It doesn't have the complex VFX of stuff like Marvel, but the costumes and fight scenes makes me wish we got more of this in America beyond Power Rangers.

4. TMNT Mutant Mayhem

Advertising before release really didn't make this appear like a promising film. If there's anything I learned from this year though, appearances can be deceiving. Like Nimona was for her movie, the creative choices for this made it the TMNT movie I never knew I wanted. To me this felt akin to the Lego Batman movie where it's not only a good love letter of the franchise for more than its fanservice, but this spin on the characters is able to have a new sincere view of them without overhauling everything about the TMNT. That and it has the greatest needle drops I've had in a long while like how do insert He-Man Fabulous Secret Powers and expect me to hate this?

3. Godzilla Minus One

I call this a great year for films because it marks the first time I got to see a Toho produced Godzilla, with subtitles, in an real movie theater. Needless to say, it felt like I got to enjoy the 1954 film again anew. Not a remake mind you, but the parallels were uncanny and this spins here work just as well, if not more here than with the original in a couple places. Both are still strong movies nonetheless. Minus One is a refurbish that dishes out what people always wanted and uniquely giving a little more while never sacrificing why the OG is that timeless. With it getting more than a limited release, I'm glad this got to be more than a niche celebration of the kaijuu king.

2. Oppenheimer

This film's been meme'd to heaven, hell you could say it got meme'd to success thanks to its dual release with Barbie, but it didn't undermine getting hooked to watching this anyways. This really has become my favorite Nolan film, a compelling biopic that doesn't exactly herald its titular lead in the best light thanks to the paradoxical storytelling. Oppenheimer gives us the largest ensemble I know, and delivers in the most breathtaking moments I never knew I could get. Cillian killed it among the many who made the three hours of people sitting and talking in rooms actually tense and intriguing to thread. Plus it gave us the beauty of Josh Peck being the guy to detonate the test bomb like cherry on top of this cinematic cake.

1. The Holdovers

I remember watching Alexander Payne's Sideways with Paul Giamatti as a high schooler but couldn't appreciate it until rewatching this year. It's one of the best mid-life crisis comedies you could see, still fresh in its easy going presentation and music. The same can be said for this film, made to feel like it came from the late 70s or 80s with the old opening logos that I didn't think you could do in these times. Out the gate, this was the holiday story I was shocked would be as relatable as it was, with the trio of Giamatti, Randolph, and Sessa each having their story that resonated with me strongly. With the right amount of time, Payne offers an remarkably cozy, down to earth movie where from reserved to outgoing, it did a lot for me emotionally. Like Netflix's Klaus, I kinda want this to be a traditional rewatch for the holiday seasons. One that everyone should try at least once, especially if they feel the disillusionment of the season where this might lift their spirits one way or another.

If there's anything to learn from this year, it's that the meta has definitely shifted. Even when the many on my list didn't make billions like the Avatar films, the variety and risks made spoke more than the big dogs like Disney and WB putting out unprofitable blockbusters that ranged from very by the numbers to you don't need to see The Flash to know how god awful it just was. More people are & should branch out beyond the major mainstream names. Not that the big dogs aren't ever gonna make great films in the coming years, but we should appreciate more than the big budget features you can tell are playing it safe. Time can be patient for great cinema, sleeper hits or not, so take advantage while you're young.

[dksw0rld]

How I achieved being the happiest I’ve ever been during the hardest year I’ve ever been through

I stopped waiting for the weekend to live life

If a friend asks me to go out to grab a drink on a Thursday for happy hour I now say yes. If I want to go to the movies on a Monday I go on a Monday. I began to refuse living a life that waited for the weekend to live. 

I stopped feeling guilty for spending money on myself

When I began to make my own money in high school, I would save all of it and not spend any on myself. A lot of this was honestly due to my parents paying for everything, they wanted me to save the money I was making for college and the future. Don’t get me wrong having parents like that was and still is a blessing. At the same time, it led me to associate money with needing to hoard it to be prepared for the next step. I began to recognize and heal those thoughts. I embarked deeper on my self love journey and adopted the mindset of recognizing that I am worth every penny I spend and more, whether that be spending money on experiences, on self care, or for my future self.

I re-started a hobby I loved as a child

When I was younger, I did ballet among a few other activities. I loved all of them but ballet was (and still is) my favorite. For years I wanted to start again but let life get in the way. This year I said enough. I looked up in person classes in my area and found that all of them were way out of my price range but, instead of giving up, I found another way. I found a program that taught lessons online with an instructor. Re-starting ballet truly makes my inner-child so happy. 

 I prioritize experiences

This ties into not waiting for the weekend to live life but it deserves it’s own point. I began prioritizing finding ways to live. I look up events in my area and actually attend them. I attend events I find that bring me out of my comfort zone like dance classes in the park, roller skating with a group of people I don’t necessarily know, attending a sunflower festival, etc. I also joined a few social groups that host events and I attend those. I take weekend trips with friends. I take myself on staycations and solo weekend trips. Life really is so much fun when you actually go outside and do things!

I volunteer

I grew up volunteering and I stopped during college. This year I realized how much I missed it. I also knew it would be a great way to meet new people and foster relationships. I’ve always loved being around horses so I knew I wanted to volunteer at a barn. I googled horse barns near me and found one 8 minutes away from my apartment - this barn is a true hidden suburban gem. It’s a therapeutic horse barn for kids with special needs. I volunteer there every Friday and Saturday and am absolutely in love with it. It brings so much to my life. I also volunteer through my church home but more about that in the next point. 

I prioritized finding a church home

I grew up in the church as my Dad was an elder there for 15 years. I sort of lost touch with my faith in the past couple of years. This year I renewed my faith and prioritized looking for a church home after putting it off for a year and a half. I googled churches near me and visited one every Sunday until I felt I found the right fit. I found the church I’m at now and I cannot explain to you how life changing it’s been. I joined a community group through the church to meet more Christians my age and those people mean so much to me now. We meet every Tuesday night, we go on runs together, volunteer together, had a Friendsgiving this past year, it’s just been amazing. I’ve grown so much in my faith.

I stopped prioritizing finding love

I am truly a certified lover girl. I have so much pure love to give and craved someone who would give me the same type of love. I tried to find that person most of my life and while I’ve had some great men in my life they never were “the one”. This year I genuinely stopped prioritizing finding my person and started prioritizing myself and my life. It feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I’m now filled with trust that my person will come along when it’s time and until then I’m truly enjoying my season of singleness! 

I don’t care what anyone thinks

I’ve genuinely never cared what people think, even when I was younger, which has been a huge blessing. I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum. I’ve never been ashamed to like what I like or to not like what I don’t like, no matter what the people my age were doing. I’ve always done what I’ve felt is best for my life. I never get embarrassed about anything. This notion has just intensified this year.

I don’t care about social media

I stopped going on Instagram. I deleted the app off of my phone. I deleted Twitter years ago. I don’t go on TikTok. I only use Snapchat for extra picture and video storage. I genuinely do not care about social media anymore. I don’t care for everyone to know what I’m up to. I don’t care to know what anyone else is up to. I know what’s going on in the lives of people that matter to me because I actually talk to and spend time with them. I personally don’t see the point in posting on Instagram. I don’t care to know what “celebrities” are doing. I just truly don’t care about any of it. 

I prioritize privacy 

This year I realized how important privacy is. For a whole host of reasons. Some of them being peace, less evil eye, safety, not having the pressure of trying to “keep up”. I can go on and on honestly. This year I’ve begun to say less and observe more. Since choosing private over public I’ve seen my happiness grow and my life blossom. I’m very careful with who I let into my circle. I don’t tell anyone everything. I’m selective with whom I share with and what I share. I’m truly in love with privacy. I love having beautiful experiences and no one or only the people I’m having them with knowing. 

I pay attention to myself 

This year I began to truly pay attention to myself. How I act in certain situations, my thought processes, my emotions, what I still need to work on, how I’ve grown, what triggers me, etc. Once I started doing this, healing, growth and making changes has become so much easier. I finally feel like I know myself through and through. I feel in touch with who I am. I know how to love myself and make myself happy.

I pray this new year you begin to choose happiness, because happiness will always be a choice. This year was NOT easy for me at all but I still prioritized myself and my happiness and I truly have never been happier. I pray this new year you choose yourself. I pray this year you begin to truly live. 

[30somethingautisticteacher]

🍓 for ficlet Friday

This one got away from me a little bit. I hope you enjoy it, though!

***

Tommy flopped down on the couch next to Buck, running a hand through his hair. "So, I just got off the phone with my sister Sydney. Nora's graduation is coming up."

Buck turned to face him, interest piquing. "Oh yeah? In Maine, right? Are you planning on going?"

Tommy nodded. "Yeah, I promised I'd be there. It's a week from Saturday." He paused, then added hesitantly, "I was thinking... maybe you'd like to come with me?"

Buck's face lit up. "Really? You want me to come meet your family?"

"Of course," Tommy said, smiling. "You've already met Mom over video chat, and I've told you about everyone else. I think it's time they met my boyfriend in person."

Buck grinned, then furrowed his brow slightly. "How long were you thinking of staying? I know you usually try to keep these trips short."

Tommy shrugged. "I was thinking maybe three days? That would give us time for the graduation and to show you around a bit. Maybe even go blueberry picking if you're interested."

"Blueberry picking?" Buck's eyes widened with excitement. "I've always wanted to do that!"

Tommy laughed. "I thought you might like that idea. And who knows? I might even be able to convince Grandma Lynn to share her blueberry cobbler recipe with you."

"That would be amazing," Buck said enthusiastically. "I know that's one of your favorite desserts."

Tommy nodded, pleased that Buck remembered. "So, think you can get the time off?"

"Shouldn't be a problem," Buck assured him. "A long weekend in Maine with you and your family? I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Tommy leaned in and kissed Buck softly. "Great. It means a lot to have you there, especially since my dad won't be around."

Buck squeezed Tommy's hand supportively. "I know it's complicated with him."

Tommy shook his head, his expression hardening slightly. "Not that complicated really," he said, his tone matter-of-fact. "He's just a judgmental, homophobic, abusive jerk."

Buck's eyes widened slightly at Tommy's bluntness, but he nodded understanding. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that. But I'm glad he won't be there to ruin the celebration."

Tommy's expression softened as he looked at Buck. "Yeah, me too. The family's much better off without him around. And honestly?" He smiled. "I'm looking forward to introducing my boyfriend to the people who really matter."

Buck returned the smile, pulling Tommy closer. "I can't wait to meet them all in person. Sydney and the girls sound great from everything you've told me."

"They're going to love you," Tommy assured him. "Now, let's figure out the details for this trip. We should probably rent a car..."

****

The rental car wound its way through the picturesque Maine countryside, Tommy at the wheel and Buck in the passenger seat, their hands intertwined on the center console.

"You know," Buck said, breaking the comfortable silence, "after six months of hearing about this place, I can't believe I'm finally going to see it."

Tommy smiled, giving Buck's hand a squeeze. "I'm glad you're here. It means a lot to have you meet everyone in person."

Buck nodded, a hint of nervousness in his voice. "Your mom seemed great over video chat. I hope the rest of the family likes me as much."

"They're going to love you," Tommy reassured him. "Even Chloe, though she might not show it right away."

As they pulled into the driveway of a cozy two-story house, Tommy took a deep breath. "Home sweet home."

They stepped out of the car just as the front door burst open. Ellen rushed out, her arms outstretched. "There are my boys!"

Tommy embraced his mom tightly. "Hi, Mom. Missed you."

Ellen then turned to Buck, pulling him into an equally warm hug. "Buck! It's so wonderful to finally meet you in person!"

"You too, Ellen," Buck said, returning the hug. "Thanks for having me."

Sydney appeared in the doorway, grinning widely. "About time you two made it!" She hugged them both before calling over her shoulder, "Girls! Uncle Tommy and Buck are here!"

Nora bounded out, all smiles and excitement. "Hi Uncle Tommy! Hi Buck!"

Chloe followed more slowly, eyeing Buck with a mix of curiosity and skepticism. As the others chatted, she sidled up to Buck, arms crossed.

"So," she said, her tone cool and appraising, "you're the famous Buck we've been hearing about."

Buck smiled, trying to be friendly. "That's me. It's great to finally meet you, Chloe."

Chloe raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. And what exactly makes you good enough for my Uncle Tommy?"

Tommy, overhearing, started to intervene. "Chloe, that's not—"

But Buck placed a hand on Tommy's arm, giving him a reassuring look before turning back to Chloe.

"You know what? That's a fair question," Buck said, meeting Chloe's gaze. "I'm not sure I am good enough for your uncle. He's pretty amazing. But I promise you, I'm trying my best every day to be worthy of him."

Chloe's eyes widened slightly, clearly not expecting such a candid response. She studied Buck for a moment before a tiny smirk tugged at her lips. "Okay, that was a pretty good answer. I guess you can stay. For now."

Tommy chuckled, wrapping an arm around Buck's waist. "High praise from Chloe. You should feel honored."

Buck grinned, feeling like he'd just passed a crucial test. "Oh, I do."

****

The graduation ceremony was a proud moment for the whole family. Nora beamed as she accepted her diploma. Tommy and Buck cheered loudly from the audience, with Buck feeling genuinely touched to be included in this family milestone.

After the ceremony, during the family celebration, even Chloe seemed to warm up to Buck, begrudgingly admitting that he made her uncle laugh more than she'd seen in years.

The next day, Tommy and Buck found themselves alone in a sunlit field, wicker baskets in hand as they picked wild blueberries.

"You know," Buck said, popping a berry into his mouth, "I never thought picking berries could be this peaceful."

Tommy chuckled, reaching for Buck's hand. "It's not usually this quiet. But I wanted some time just for us before we head back."

They worked in comfortable silence for a while, stealing glances and trading soft smiles.

"Your family's amazing, Tommy," Buck said finally. "Thank you for bringing me here."

Tommy pulled Buck close, kissing him softly. "Thank you for coming, Ev. It means more than you know."

As they packed up their berries, Tommy added with a grin, "And just wait until you taste Grandma Lynn's cobbler. She's making it special for us to take back to California."

Their flight back to California was bittersweet. As they settled into their seats, Buck turned to Tommy.

"So, think your family approved of me?" he asked, a hint of lingering nervousness in his voice.

Tommy laughed, interlacing their fingers. "Are you kidding? Mom's already asking when we're coming back for Thanksgiving. And I'm pretty sure Chloe's planning to friend you on social media."

Buck relaxed, squeezing Tommy's hand. "Good. Because I have a feeling we'll be making a lot more trips to Maine in the future."

[billthedrake]

GOALS (PART SIX)

Story idea by and collaboration with top son Turner (bimgm36@gmail.com).

[SCOTT]

There wasn't going to be a Glacier National Park hike, or a Montana trip for that matter. Not this year.

I won't go into the details, but after Kelly found out, I moved into an apartment hotel for a few days until I could line up a small apartment closer to my office. I took a few personal days off to sort through all the practical bullshit: getting a good divorce attorney, tending to bills and protecting my finances without doing anything out of line legally.

I called Shannon, which was the hardest phone call I ever had to make in my life. I decided I wasn't going to make excuses or try to convince her of anything. I just didn't want to take the easy way out and step away.

Turns out she was great. Maybe weirded out as fuck I'd been involved with her high school boyfriend. But otherwise she seemed surprisingly mature. "I told Mom I'm not going to pick sides," she said on the phone.

"You have every right to be mad at me," I acknowledged.

"Am I happy?" she said. "Of course not. I feel really bad for Mom. But you have to be who you really are, Dad. I just hope you can find a healthier way to do it."

Yes, I was being lectured by my 23 year old daughter, and yes I deserved it.

Kelly told her friends and word spread around our club. I stopped going. My golf buddies had quietly uninvited me from their group anyway.

Soon word spread around the office too, but corporate policy meant there was no real blowback. I never considered myself gay, not really or fully, but here I was being treated as gay. Hell, it didn't matter, I decided. It was just a fucking word.

The divorce took a while. Negotiation. Filing period. I put myself into work. Like, full workaholic mode like I hadn't done since my early 40s. It came back to me too easily.

I felt bad about cutting things cold with Austin. But there was too much upheaval in my life and negotiating a second emotional relationship was too much on top of it. He deserved better, I knew, but I had to look after myself first for a change.

[AUSTIN]

Army daddy Steve and I had texted some over the weekend. He used to always go radio silent after a hook up, but I think he was getting over some of his hangups or guilt. And maybe our year-long absence had made the sexual chemistry between us more powerful now that we'd reconnected.

Our messages started out thanking the other for a hot time. Saying it was hot to hook up again. Then Steve ventured, "If I came into town next week, what would you think about meeting again?"

I typed back. "You just gave me a hardon, that's what I think about it." It was true.

"Ha," he wrote. "Saturday might work better for me." Then, "I guess I'm coming off a dry spell."

"Yeah?" I wrote.

"I tried to be a good boy. That didn't last." This was night and day different than the army daddy I first hooked up with.

I massaged my bone as I typed with the other hand. "I think I prefer bad boy Steve instead."

"I bet you do." Then "I'm thinking about being a little badder when I see u next."

I sat up some. From another dude I would have written this off as flirty banter. But Steve usually wasn't the flirty banter type. "What do you mean?"

"I can trust you right?"

My heart pounded. "You know you can," I wrote. "Totally discreet."

There was a little pause. "I've been thinking what it would be like to get fucked."

"For real?" I wrote.

"I can't believe I'm typing this," came the response.

"Even if it's just a fantasy it turned me on," I wrote. "but NGL i'm boned as fuck thinking about being in your ass."

"Be honest," he wrote. "How much does it hurt?"

I grimaced, trying to think of what to type. "I've never bottomed," I wrote honestly. "But I've been the first top for a couple of guys and they have both very much enjoyed the experience."

I could sense him mulling it over, even though I couldn't see or hear him. "We'd have to use protection," he wrote.

I respected guys' wishes, and if a rubber was what it took to get into this Army officer's hole, I'd abide. But fuck, I hate condoms. "I'm clean and tested," I wrote back. "But sure. Your call."

"You fuck a lot of guys?" he asked.

This was something we didn't talk about before. Guess we were talking about it now.

"Just one guy lately. But I've tested since him."

"You seem like a player," he wrote.

I hoped he wasn't getting cold feet. "I love sex, and I love hot older men. I try to do what it takes to get off with them." Then, "Not sure what you want me to say, man."

"You're being honest, bud. I respect that." Then. "It's just some scary new territory for me, you know."

"I get that," I wrote. "Not gonna push you." I mean, I did want to push him. Bad. But with some men you had to use the soft touch. Steve was that kind of guy.

"At the very least I can give you a nice long BJ Saturday," he wrote.

"You know I'd like that."

I spent my week focused on my own workouts. I had plans with my buddies Friday night but kept Saturday open. True enough, I heard from Steve bright and early that morning.

"Morning," he wrote.

"Hi there," I typed back. I was getting ready for my morning workout.

"You gotta a chance to talk?"

"Hitting the gym in a little bit," I typed. "But yeah, I'm around now."

We normally texted, but hearing Steve's deep voice was a treat. "Hey..." he said. "Wasn't wanting to check... you still up for meeting today?"

"Oh yeah," I replied. "What's your plan?"

"I'll be hitting the road in a couple of hours," Steve said. He gave me the name of the hotel he had booked, some regular chain hotel in the suburbs. "I wanna get settled, but maybe late afternoon?"

"Works for me," I said. But a question had been eating at me all week. "I don't wanna push you, man... but what you are thinking you wanna do?"

His voice got a little quieter. "I wanna go for it... see what it's about." God his voice was so sexy.

"Getting fucked?" I clarified.

"Yeah that," he answered. At first I thought he was just being shy, but I sussed out he wasn't alone or at least wasn't sure his conversation wouldn't be overheard. Still he ventured further. "You um... do the stuff before?"

It took me a second to realize what he was getting out. "You mean would I rim you?"

His reply sounded throaty and lusty. "Yeah, that."

"I love doing that," I said. If I had any thing I wished Scott had been into more it was that. He'd let me eat him out and seemed to enjoy when I did. But the man didn't crave it or ask for it much.

My reply must have been enthusiastic because I heard a chuckle on the other end. "Nice. I just wanna try it all today."

"It's gonna be a long fucking day waiting," I teased.

"Sorry,” he said. “It's a couple hours drive."

"Nah, man, it's good. I'll go work out some of the frustration in the gym. Look forward to it."

"Yeah, me too," he said softly. This was a new side to this Army Daddy for sure.

I don't know if the Army PT shorts Steve wore when he opened his hotel door were for my sake, or if that was his normal loungewear. His skin and chest fur was damp and I could tell he's just gotten out of the shower. It wasn't the first time I'd seen his bare chest, but it had been too long, and I was enjoying the full military-dad muscle he had going on. I don't expect a 50 year old body to be fit and hard like his brawn was, but it was a nice treat.

"I'm pretty nervous," he admitted. Indeed, he was shaking a little. It was wild to see a gruff butch man like this in a vulnerable state. It gave me a full-on fuck hard but also made me a little concerned.

"We can take it slow," I offered. "Whaddya think?"

He nodded. "Yeah, maybe just feel each other up for a bit?" This wasn't what I was expecting, but I was very into the idea.

I peeled off my zip up and my T-shirt beneath. I had a good pump from the gym that day and in general was proud of my muscle. But I still loved his reaction. He walked over to the bed and pulled down the covers, watching as I took off the rest of my clothes to show off my steely erection.

That was what Steve touched first as I got into bed with him. Reaching out, he gripped my hardon and tugged gently at it. I scooted forward and let him enjoy playing with it.

We both watched the connection for a while, then I decided I wanted to feel up that Army officer muscle. We had never really had this level of intimacy. It was always about Steve servicing my dick. But I was glad for this now. He was a big guy, and firm, but that muscle also felt like a 50 year old's muscle. My dick throbbed as I ran my hands along his pecs and over his shoulders.

Steve seemed like he didn't want to relinquish my prick, but he too, began exploring my body.

"You still a trainer?" he asked. We never did much small talk or shared much of our lives, but he knew what I did.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"I should probably hire you," he joked.

I snuggled up to him so I could run my hands along his lats and down to his ass. I was cautious, not wanting to spook him, but he seemed OK with the contact of my hands on the roundness of his buns.

"Your body is perfect, man," I hissed.

He cracked a smile. "You really are into older men, aren't you?" he said. I'd put that on my profile that Steve had initially responded to.

"Very much so," I replied. "Exclusively." I now kneaded that ass brawn as I pressed my boner against his and felt the heat between our bodies. Steve had something between what I'd call a muscle ass and a daddy ass. I considered daddy asses to have a little give and not be so perfectly round. Steve, though, clearly didn't skip leg day and I could feel the strength in his glutes. If I was a bottom, I'd probably get a thrill from the potential he had to throw a hard fuck.

I looked into his blue eyes. "But guys not into older men would be into you, you know that, right?"

"Yeah," he admitted. His hands now ran along my back. "I've been trying to be a good boy."

One of these days I'd go for unattached men. Or men open to a real relationship. But I had a hot as fuck Army officer in bed with me, so I wasn't gonna second guess why I was so attuned to straight men getting gay sex on the side.

"It's just us here," I assured him. I ground my crotch into his, signaling our mutual desire. "Maybe being a good boy is overrated," I hissed.

"Oh fuck," he hissed back as our eyes met. Then, with a deep voice, he said, "I've never kissed a guy."

My heart pounded. This guy was so sexy, and the vulnerability coming through his gruffness was turning me the fuck on. "Like I say, it's just us."

Steve moved his head toward me and I took that as the signal to close the gap. His lips were rough and a little chapped, but he opened them up and our tongues met. He grunted at the contact but was clearly into it. Soon we were making out, swapping tongues and clutching at each other.

"Fuck," he gasped as we broke up. "It's different with a guy."

"How so?" I asked.

"Not as tender.... a little rougher."

That caught me by surprise, since I thought we were doing tender. "You liked that?"

He gave a sheepish smile. "I did."

I wanted to feed his desire. "We can go harder at it, if you like," I offered.

And like that we were kissing again. I normally am not into so much tongue and so much sucking, but I fed off his energy and that thrill of going at it, man to man. It was a raw, sexual kiss. Almost like Steve was trying to make sure it wasn't an emotional thing for him.

My fingers dug into his cleft and he growled into my mouth as I started exploring his crack and touching his hole. That he was turned on was a good sign. The hole was clean and a little dry so I didn't press far into the ring, but gave enough pressure for the man to know my intentions, if he didn't know them already.

"Let me eat you out," I gasped when we pulled apart, our stubble leaving each other's chins and lips a little raw and spit covering the lower half of our faces.

"How you want...?" he started to ask, but I interrupted.

"Just lie back and relax. Let me know what you like," I said. Something about this Army guy's vulnerability made me want to make this really good for him.

I took my time kissing down his body and I could feel his tension relax as I did. I avoided his thick, firehose stub of a cock but licked his hairy ball sac some, which he liked. Then lower, beneath it.

"Lift your legs," I ordered softly and then saw those thick legs pull up and back. His trench had some of that dark blond fur in it but the pucker was clearly visible, pink and tight. I felt its heat as I leaned in, then gave it some licks.

"Oh god," Steve grunted.

I pulled back and look up at him. He had an excited, expectant look on his face. "You've ever been rimmed?" I asked. "Maybe by a woman?"

He shook his head. "No buddy. Wasn't sure if I'd be into it."

I head the upper part of his hamstrings to keep his ass steady. "Let's change that," I said then turned my attention back to his trench. Maybe it was because he was virgin, but I was very into eating this guy out.

It helped that Steve got really into it. He wasn't verbal, at least not verbal in a way a guy comfortable with gay sex is. But he let out some deep moans as I munched his ring and have a couple of "yes" cries to encourage me.

It was very hot, but I wasn't there to rim him all evening. I pulled back and gave a soft spit on his pucker and gave one last push of my tongue to smear the saliva around his entrance. I looked up at him and I knew I had a pride on my face for a job well done. I'd been fairly inexperienced when I started fooling around with my college professor but now I had enough under my belt to be confident in the bedroom.

"Tell me if something isn't good for you, man," I said, reaching over to pick up the lube he'd left out, along with a few condoms. I flipped the cap, squirted a good amount on my digits, and then began slowly fingering him.

"OK?" I asked, staring into those beautiful blue eyes and taking in his handsome, clean shaven face.

"Yeah," he replied. Letting those 220-ish pounds of officer muscle relax on the bed. "It's weird but good."

I smiled and added a finger. "I won't lie, man, my dick may sting when it first goes in," I said, wanting to be honest and to prepare him. "But the fingers should feel nothing but good."

Steve took a deep breath. Getting a little nervous.

"You got this, man," I said. I slowly worked my fingers in and out. I could tell he sensing the pleasure his insides could give him. "You know how much you like having my cock in your mouth and throat?" I asked.

He blushed but nodded. "Yeah."

"It's not the same, but focus on that. Having me be a part of you... inside you."

I lined up my prick next to my fingers, ready to push in.

"Could you put a condom on, man?" he asked.

"Sure," I said with some defeat in my voice. He'd said I'd have to use protection, but I thought I'd give it one last chance. As I picked up the packet, I added, "I swear I'm clean and tested if you wanna..."

He was getting a little impatient. "Just wrap it up man."

I did as instructed. I'd respect his wishes, especially if this man was offering his virginity.

I decided I didn't want Steve time to get nervous and tight. I lined up and entered him. Slowly to be sure, but I pressed in, millimeter at a time.

"I told you it'll sting," I said, sensing his bodily reaction. "It'll get better, trust me," I assured him.

I added more lube and rocked back and forth about an inch inside his hole. That seemed to do the trick. I felt that inner ring open up for me. "There ya go, man!" I growled excitedly.

"Fuck!" Steve let out. I knew it wasn't a yelp of pain or discomfort but there was a psychological reaction to having been penetrated for the first time.

"Feel good, right?" I prodded.

He nodded. "You're big. But yeah..."

I rocked a little more. Wanting him to get used to my size but needing to keep enough friction on my dick through the rubber. "You're almost there," I encouraged.

"Almost?" he asked. I was completely buried so he didn't understand.

I cocked a grin and pulled back several inches, then plowed in. His first real fuck thrust.

His dick jerked on his belly. I was pretty sure he was feeling his prostate for the first time. "Oh God!" he hissed as his hands clutched at my chest.

I started fucking him. Steady strokes in and out of his tight Army guts.

"See... I told ya," I smiled enjoying the act of breaking this big man in. This is everything I loved about sex. A much older man beneath me, learning that he loved me topping him. I fucked faster.

He jerked his dick some but mostly watched me, like he was mesmerized by watching me in rut and enjoying the close-up view of my body.

"Can we do another position?" he finally asked.

"Yeah, sure," I said. "This one not working for you?" I wanted to figure out what would make this great for him. It was his first time, after all, and a cocky part of me wanted him remembering this for a good long time.

"Not exactly comfortable to have my legs back," he replied. "Maybe you can fuck me from behind?"

"Definitely," I assured him. I pulled back and watched him flip over and get into a doggy position. In addition to the physical comfort, I gathered that Steve like the lack of emotional connection to this position, it was more purely animalistic.

The condom still kept me from feeling much but I loved the sight and act of penetration. Holding his hips and watching my rubbered cock push in between his buns. I felt like I had scored some big game here. Big strong Army daddy.

The new position worked wonders for the guy. I fucked with steady powerful thrusts. Not hard or rough, but it was very physical and Steve loved it.

"Fuck me stud!" he bellowed, now jerking his rod in time with my strokes.

God, his voice was deep and his neediness egged me on. I went harder and faster, holding his hips tight. The contrast of his paler ass cheeks and light tan of his strong back was a turn on. I could tell from his jerking arm and his body posture he was getting real close.

"You getting close, man?" he asked. His voice was urgent with need, like he was holding back his cum.

"Nah," I said. "Can't with a rubber." I wasn't trying to be an asshole, but that was the truth.

Steve bucked his ass back against my thrusting crotch a couple times, as if he was trying to work my cock to see if he could be the exception. Then he spoke up again. "Just go for it, buddy."

I wasn't sure if he was saying what I thought he was saying. "You mean?"

Steve didn't answer me but instead reached down past his balls between his legs and tugged at the base of my cock. An unmistakable signal for me to raw dog him.

I did the rest of the work, pulling back as I held the condom steady so it would slip off. The second I'd cleared the sheath, I plunged back into that officer's ass, bare.

The psychological excitement had been building up like crazy, and now the physical part of the fuck was catching up with it. I pounded with maybe five or sex strokes before my cum started.

"Oh FUCK!" I cried, holding his hips real tight as I jackrabbited in and out of that slick ass, feeling it get slicker as my seed spurted into him.

"Aw yeah, stud!" he grunted and the knowledge I was coming gave him the sign for him to allow his own orgasm. Not quite simultaneously but close in succession.

I slowly pulled out. Still hard, though pretty much his ass had drained my balls well. I patted his furred buns in silent thanks. "Let me get you a washcloth," I said.

I came back from the bathroom to find him lying back against the headboard, a quiet, almost dreamy look on his face. He gratefully took the damp cloth.

"I didn't think I'd enjoy it so much," he said, like he was admitting defeat.

"I'm glad you did," I said, standing next to the bed, and letting my dong dangle in a half hard state. "Thanks for giving me the full ride just now, buddy." I softly touched his arm to show a grateful affection.

He gave a wince of a smile. "You really like getting your way, don't ya?" Maybe he resented the barebacking now that we'd gotten our rocks off.

"I swear I'm not a man whore," I said with as much a grin as I could muster. "That was a special treat, honest."

That seemed to put Steve at ease and he set down the washcloth. "Well, at least I can say I went all out," he said almost philosophically. He picked up his watch from the nightstand. It was almost 7. "You feel like grabbing a bite, buddy?"

I gave a nod. "I wanna respect your boundaries. But yeah, that'd be nice."

He stood up from the bed and gave me a light mock punch to the shoulder. "You copped my goddamn cherry, I figured you could buy me dinner at least," he joked.

I laughed but was sincere in my reply. "Dude. After that fuck, I'll treat you to a fucking steak dinner. Honest."

Steve stood and looked at me with a smirk. "God you are a good looking fucker," he muttered. Then, "let me clean up first."

I checked my phone while he showered. Maybe a part of me hoped I'd see a message from Scott, like I did every time I picked up my phone. But it was just a couple of messages from my college buddy Jason. I gave a quick reply. Then scrolled through to find a good steakhouse to reserve for dinner.

[SCOTT]

I stopped training with Austin and for a month stopped working out entirely. Then I got back into it, at my corporate health club. It helped me deal with the stress.

I was splitting most of my assets in the divorce, so I cut corners. I found a way to transfer the country club membership to Kelly, in case she wanted to keep that up. My rent was cheap, at least cheap by Scott Delahunt standards. I was fine financially, but I didn't want this to set me too far back on my retirement goals.

I stopped beating myself up. It was too strong a statement to say I was grateful for what happened, but maybe it needed to happen.

I had a lot of alone time to think and reflect. After about four months, I texted Austin on a Saturday morning. "Would I be able to apologize to you sometime?"

I could sense hesitation on his end in replying, before he wrote. "You don't have to."

There was the rebuke I was expecting. But then I got another text from him. "It would be good to see you though."

"When?" I asked. Nervous and excited. "Name a time."

"I'm free this weekend. This afternoon?"

I was going to offer him to come over, but instead I figured it would be best to meet on neutral territory. There was a brewery with an outdoor deck. The weather was a nice early September day, so I suggested that.

He had on his faded Titans T-shirt, mesh shorts, and flip flops as he walked up. I couldn't help but smile when I saw him, for all the emotions and unfinished business left between us. Austin just looked amazing.

"Can I get you something?" I asked. In natural "treat" mode.

"Whatever you're having," he said. Then. "Great to see you Scott."

My eyes daring to meet his steely-blue gaze. "Great to see you, too, Austin."

AUSTIN

It was actually our first time in doggy position. Scott on all fours as I held his hips and did that slow-and-hard trick I'd done with the Military Dad.

"Oh, Fuck me, stud," Scott grunted. His ass was tighter than before, but he was quickly opening up for me. "You love your dad's ass don't ya, buddy?"

It was like where we left off. "God yeah, sir," I hissed. Pounding him with a series of deep, steady jabs. Feeling like a total stud boning him.

"You're so horny today, son." I sensed Scott was having a hard time keeping to a script, he was getting too carried away in the physicality of our mating.

"I missed you Scott," I said, giving him a break from the Dad talk. Even as my cock moved in faster shallow thrusts. "Missed being with you."

"Missed you, too, buddy," came his soft reply. His hand working his cock beneath him.

"You almost there?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Tell me when you're real close," I urged.

"OK," he said. Then after a few seconds of my fucking and his masturbation. I heard. "Yeah." A signal.

I gripped his arm to pull his hand away. “Do it!” I barked. “Come for me!”

It caught Scott by surprise but was perfect timing. He nutted hands free, on my cock. And even if I couldn't watch I could hear him and see his body jerk in pleasure. I busted my own seed inside him, turned on like mad by making him cum like this.

I slowed my fuck and leaned into kiss his shoulder and neck. He twisted free of me and met my mouth for the rest of our kiss.

After a little making out, I plopped on the bed and looked around. "So this is your apartment, huh?" I asked.

"Yep," he said. "Living the simple life these days."

I laughed. "Your version of the simple life is different than what lots of people would consider simple." It was a gentle accusation.

"Probably," he conceded. God, he somehow had gotten even more handsome. 52, and well on his way to 53.

"Well, it suits you," I said. Giving another quick peck.

[SCOTT]

It was a new phase for me and Austin. No longer did we have that naughty thrill of sneaking around, but it was so much better to sleep in the same bed multiple times a week and have sex more frequently.

He began training me again, unofficially, though he refused to take money this time. A couple of sessions a week, and I'd join him for one of his weekend workouts.

I tried not to be as free flowing with the money, but I still enjoyed spoiling him from time to time. We caught a few Titans games that fall, though I stepped down from the box seats.

I realize Austin had driven so much of our affair. His libido, his kinks, his love of older men. I wasn't passive in it, but mostly it was this fine young man opening a world for me. But I knew I had to make a choice.

It was his birthday weekend. We went to a Mexican restaurant he loved rather than somewhere fancy. I'd blown him before dinner, but I had a sense sex would be on the cards again later. He was in a good mood and acting flirty with me, which I loved.

But I knew we had to talk about us. "So, Austin... I've been talking to some headhunters."

"Yeah?" he asked. Intrigued, but still not sure where I was going with this.

"In my position you hear from them all the time. But I never wanted to leave Nashville before."

That stopped him cold. "You do now?" he asked softly.

I nodded. "Ever since the divorce, I hate being here. Listen... I'm not going to ask you to uproot your life. But if I moved, you'd be very welcome to come with me. Live with me."

"Wow," he said. Taking it all in. "Where are you thinking?"

"Denver, maybe Atlanta, maybe Boston," I said. "Anywhere, but Nashville." Reading his face.

"I'll have to think about it," he said.

"Of course," I said. It tore me up to bring this up with him. But we couldn't keep going in suspended animation.

Our sex was quiet and physical when we got back. Austin guided me on to my stomach and rimmed me out before mounting me and fucking me hard and slow. I could feel the need and emotion in every thrust. It made me cum against the bedsheets.

Over breakfast the next morning he was almost a new man. "It might take me a while to build up a new client base," he said. He'd clearly been thinking all night and all morning about this. He speared a slice of avocado on his plate and smiled up at me. "You know, we don't know what it'd be like to live together."

"We don't," I replied. "But I have a good guess the sex would be very good."

He grinned.

"You would be in a relationship with a man twice your age," I warned him.

His voice got low. "You know that gets me hard, Scott."

"Yeah, I do," I said. "But I mean beyond the hardons. The relationship part."

He shrugged. "We'll figure that shit out, right? Figure out what's right for us."

My heart beat hard. "So... we doing this?"

His eyes locked on mine. "If you'll have me... Dad. Yeah, we're doing this." I knew Austin saw me as a substitute for his own father. I knew there was some short circuit between that and his need to be with me sexually.

Just as there was a short circuit between my attraction to him and my need to give him what he needed. To indulge him. "Love you, son," I muttered, words catching in my throat.

His foot pressed against mine under the table. "Love ya, Dad."

[giggly-squiggily]

Eyya Squiggily! I hope you're doing okay! It feels like it's been forever since I've actually had time to send in a request lately, I saw your event open and decided now would be a good time to send something in since I'm going on vacation next weekend! No pressure to do anything with it if you don't want to obviously though! I'll be excited to see whatever you write regardless!^^ 💖

I just recently finished watching mugen train (rest in peace my poor heart 💀) and I got this cute idea from one of the end credit scenes when Tanjiro was talking about Rengoku's apparently really tough training regimen for his tsugoku. I thought it would be pretty cute if whenever his students start to get frustrated or burned out, he'll sometimes trick them into an 'endurance test' that actually just means he's using it as an excuse to playfully tickle them a little to help them get out of their slump a bit. I think Rengoku and Tanjiro would be cute for this, but honestly just do whoever and whatever you like with it! No pressure, as always, and I hope you have fun with the event!

JJEJRKJEKJRJK FRIEND THIS IS ADORABLE! God I love Rengoku, and I love Tanjiro! I've gotcha covered :D

This was harder than Tanjiro anticipated.

“Don’t lose faith, young Tanjiro! You are doing great!” Rengoku called from his spot beside Mitsuri, a basket of sweets between them as Tanjiro spun and sliced.

Well- more like spun and tripped, really.

“Ugh, this is impossible!” After what felt like the hundredth fail, Tanjiro lowered his blade, shoulders heaving and vision blurry with sweat. “Mr. Rengoku- I don’t think this is gonna work out.”

“Don’t give up, Tanjiro! I know you can do it!” Mitsuri cheered around a mouthful of mochi, waving her treat like a glow stick. “You can do anything!”

“Thanks, but I think this might be a first.” Shaking his head, he paused briefly at the thoughtful look upon the Flame Hashira’s face. “Mr. Rengoku?”

“Hm, it seems we’re in need of that. Don’t you agree, Mitsuri?” At the mention of…whatever it was, Mitsuri’s eyes went wide. With a muffled squeak, she swallowed the rest of her treat, a playful grin pulling on her sugar dusted lips.

“Absolutely! We definitely need to do that!”

“Um, excuse me…what’s that?” Tanjiro looked between them, unsure of where this was going or if he was gonna like it.

Then they smiled at him and he was absolutely SURE he wasn’t gonna like it.

“Wait- wait, nevermind I’ll try again! I’ll try agai-AN!” Tanjiro tried to run, but he was no match for two Hashria. He was on the ground in seconds. “Wait! Wahhahhahahait, stahhahahahhaap ihihihihihiihit!”

“There we are- Kyojuro Rengoku's method to curing frustration!” Rengoku’s hands flew across Tanjiro’s belly and sides, scribbling against the softer parts with gleeful abandon. “After this, you’ll be ready to train once more! Isn’t that right, Mitsuri?”

“Absolutely, Kyo!” She agreed, her hands keeping Tanjiro’s arms up above his head with ease. “You used to do this to me and Senjuro all the time! And now Tanjiro gets to be part of the tradition!” She giggled softly at the loud squeaks and squeals the younger boy let out. “I think he likes it!”

“Oh really? Well let’s give him some more!”

“Okay!”

“AHEHAHHAHAHAHHHAHA!” Tanjiro cackled, squirming like a worm as he was tickled senselessly.

Well…maybe they weren’t wrong about the whole “liking it” thing.

Send me a headcanon and I'll write a dabble for it!

[rothjuje]

Today is my sister’s yahrzeit. Fifteen years. How?

Alyssa saw some pictures of me and my sister the other day and she asked me who my best friend was and where is she now. I told her it was my sister and then changed the subject quickly. I feel like it would be weird at 6 to know you were named after a kid you’re seeing in pictures. I don’t know. I was around that age when I found out my twin died in utero and it made me incredibly sad for a long time. Plus I don’t want her to have anxiety that her own sister/best friend will die. I am really bad with wanting to protect my kids from any pain or sadness, we still haven’t told them zayde (what they called poppa) died. We need to, Alyssa was just so hysterical when Hef died and he was just a dog she didn’t even like. She wasn’t especially close to her great grandparents, but I think she panics when she hears the word died and I’m just really dreading it.

We spent all weekend trying to get the chicken run up and not making much progress. In TX, we just dug a foot (2ft maybe?) underneath the hardware cloth frame and lined it with boards so nothing could dig under. Here Justin wants it a permanent structure, I’m not sure why. He is cementing 9 posts into the ground and digging the holes (tons of large rocks we had to chisel out) took a whole day alone. We tried to get the posts up yesterday and the math with uneven ground wasn’t mathing. Finalllllly got the posts up from 6-7 pm yesterday. Looks bigger than I thought and I am pleased. Plus watching Justin sweat all weekend and build something for me was pretty romantic/hot. He also made dinner both nights. It was a pretty great weekend actually.

While he was gone I thought about our relationship and why we felt like strangers and yeah part of it his trips, but the other part of it is young kids/not managing evenings/nights well. It feels impossible to sit and eat dinner with the kids, the planning to have all 5 of us sitting and eating at the same time is intensive. Alyssa is easy, but George and Gen are picky in opposite ways and someone always needs something and it’s just a challenge that I hadn’t been prioritizing. And the nights (especially over summer) have been late bedtimes, and all the laundry and cleaning and random tasks and my shower need to get done after the kids go to bed because G&G follow me everywhere/undo everything during the day. Then chicken chores for the 7 still living in the basement and it’s after midnight and Justin goes to bed at 11:30. Now when he gets off work I run around doing chores while he entertains the kids, we scramble to eat together even though not convenient, I shower and get stuff done for an hour, and then we have 10:30-11:30 together. And I’m getting to bed earlier. I don’t like to rush around but I’m not going to get the things done if I don’t so it is what it is.

Poppa’s yahrzeit is 10 days before my sister’s, July won’t be a fun month for us. I find it interesting how close Justin was to his grandparents, but I can see it. They both made it a priority to call and sing to me on my birthday and they called us every anniversary. They were warm, affectionate people. They always made me feel like part of the family, and honestly it was a loss for me too. Poppa was pretty much the only grandpa I knew, and he was always there for us. Not a perfect man by any means, but he was a good grandpa/poppa/zayde. Sigh.

I wasn’t going to garden this year, because after my expensive failure in TX I didn’t want to waste the time/money without a raised, fenced-in setup. But I did end up planting snap peas, strawberries, potatoes, and squash and they have all done fantastic. With zero effort. I did not amend the soil, I did not pick off bugs, no fencing, heck, I didn’t even water them! Just planted them in the rocky soil and off the went. Wow. I’m so excited for next year, I can’t imagine what an actual setup will yield!

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I'm deeply ready for the days off I've planned for myself, including PRIDE night for me and wifey (and maybe some new clothes to go with? Neither of us have had a new outfit in over a year. I think maybe for wifey for sure, as her wardrobe always take harder and faster hits than mine does)

I've got a nice four day lil 4 day weekend, and a 3 day weekend to follow, so hopefully by the end of it, I will be feeling much better rested and will have gotten a few things handked around the house.

God and I have our anniversary to plan for next month already, and I'm still neck deep in initial planning for our tenth so I honestly don't even know what that's gonna look like. Maybe just a nice dinner at our favorite place? And maybe buying a new movie to watch together and cuddle. A nice jug of cider for me to spice up.

Lord I'm just tired all the time lmao, and I'm trying to get myself in order, but I'm just usually so busy or exhausted or we've run thru the paycheck for the week, or whatever the fuck.

We definitely need to buy and build the chicken run first thing during my long weekend, because it's almost butchering day for the waffles, and the ladies are almost big enough to deserve real exercise space (the hen house is huge lol, and until now genuinely has been big enough for them all to not need outdoor space at all). They can managw another week together in there with no consequences, but after that, they're gonna need their outdoor run.

I think I'll buy the berry bushes and the fencing supplies all in one go so I don't have to worry about coming back to it later and disrupting the ladies. Which really means I need to find a local nursery with native berry bushes, because I don't feel up to driving all the way down the mountain to Ream in the same weekend if I don't have to. I can save that trip for picking up our trees later in the sunmer.

Man, I really am looking forward to having the garden set up and the ladies grown enough to lay. Free fresh eggs are a huge relief on our budget, especially if we keep doing periodic waves of meat birds to keep cutting down our meat budget alongside it. I'm thinking probably 2-3 sets of meat birds per year, maybe a dozen each time? I'm never doing Cornish Rocks again tho, these little abominations are a disaster to raise. Literally every bird we lost (4 total) was a fuckin Waffle, and they always died for the stupidest reasons. One literally just ate too much and then passed out for a nap under the heat lamp until he got heat stroke because he didn't bother also hydrating???? The only other birds I've raised with this kind of mortality rate are fuckin great white turkeys and they drown in the goddamn rain. Apparently it's not just us either. If I'd taken the time to research more instead of trusting the meat and egg chick mix, I'd have seen all the other homesteaders online panicking about half their flock dying and meing warned by more experienced folks that Cornishes are really only viable for industrial scale farming that can reliably take those kinds of losses. In retrospect, now that I *do* know that, I'm almost proud we managed to keep 80% of our Waffles alive.

Point being, I'm never going through that again. There are plenty of heritage meat birds, and I'll be sticking with them please and thank you.

I've considered starting to do rabbit too? It would cut down on our pet food costs a fair bit, and then maybe I could co-graze themand the chickens in a tractor along the yard to manage overgrowth of ground cover. I'd prefer a goat obvi, but I don't think the council will let me have one, even if wifey would lmao. That's definitely a later thing tho. Gotta get the humans more sustainably fed before I can consider any new livestock lmao

I think the chicken run, the berry bushes, the first order of seeds, and a chest freezer are probably the major expenses this coming paycheck. We might be able to postpone the chest freezer? Our freezer isn't overly full at present, and I think could actually fit 20 processed Waffles if needed. We'll need one soon regardless tho, cuz it definitely won't fit the next butchering day product at that point, nor the frozen fruits, veggies, and easy preps we'll be starting to make over the summer. So if not this pay period, then the next one.

God, I guess that means I should prep all my orders so I can place them first thing on Friday when I get paid, and price out the batches. Ughhhh I'm so busy today, that's gonna be hard to make time for during my breaks, and after work it's dinner and eorzea time, plus probably some tidying.

Awww fuck i gotta bring in the washing too and maybe do another load.

Whatever. Point is, I'm gonna be busy for a while. Which is good. But also means I have less time to sit and think and write which does make me a lil sad. It's just until harvest season is through tho! Once everything is planted and plucked and canned and stored, I'll be back to having time for other things. I'm probably gonna prioritize my writing and my sewing thru the winter so I can be ready for fiber processing in spring and publishing season in summer/fall. I'll want to get back to the zine soon too, because I really do want to add in the documentation I've been building around appalachian riperians

Lordt

Someone needs to tell my brain to pick a goddamn lane. This is how I end up pulled in so many directions that nothing gets done lmao

[bisluthq]

Hi! I hope this isn't a rude question but from what I remember you live in South Africa, and I was super curious. Yesterday I read a post on reddit from a female solo traveler who was planning to travel for months, first landed in Johannesburg, spent two days there, felt super unsafe, cancelled her whole trip and went home. A lot of comments were saying it IS super dangerous there and she just did poor research. Is it really dangerous there? If yes, is it just Johannesburg or all over?

not a rude question! My take is, honestly, it’s as dangerous as you let it be. Johannesburg has some pretty dodgy areas which I wouldn’t recommend to tourists and it’s a VERY big city - just geographically/spatially not even talking about population - so I wouldn’t recommend for any tourists (solo or not) to go without a guide/group. I’d book in with a guide. It’s a REALLY cool place though - I know many Brits and Americans who actually preferred it to Cape Town and rated it on par with their safari experiences. There’s a lot to see and do, it’s vibey, the people are lovely. But if you try diy your itinerary/accommodation and rely totally on Ubers like yeah you can put yourself in some pickles. You do need a guide or to like be relatively local (I’ve spent a fair amount of time there for work and for my brother’s competitions and to go to my embassy and because I was very briefly seeing this girl who lived there when my ex and I were breaking up but sorta not broken up idk anyway I flew up there to see this girl a few times and I can honestly say I’ve never had any funny or bad experiences there. I liked it and felt safe but I’ve also lived in South Africa since 2001 and I have friends there so it’s really not the same as a foreigner going by herself). A weird thing multiple people have told me now is the train system there is nicer than Europe’s and I guess it is lol. It’s very on time and very clean and not like whatever is going on in France or Germany or the UK (side note I personally thought the Italian trains are great but they were def dirtier than the Gautrain system). So there are yk a lot of… really state of the art things about Joburg.

Cape Town is a lot safer and more “European” so easier to go with no plan/guide. I know sooo many women who’ve traveled here solo and had a rad time. Again, obviously be smart lol like don’t do dumb shit but that’s a good rule of thumb traveling anywhere.

I mean okay here’s a story - when my bf was in college (he’s American - or rather Californian which is its own thing but he was in college on the East Coast) he started dating this French foreign exchange student and that summer he took a summer school course in London in part to be able to see her more. Two of the girls on his course were friends of his from school so they were staying together and anyway these girls wanted to go to Paris for the weekend and see Paris and all and that worked well for everyone ergo they basically arranged a swapsie situation - his gf would come to him in London and they’d have the flat to themselves and these girls would get to use her apartment for free. All good. The girls were told very explicitly like what trains to use and when the last one leaves but they were partying and the guys they were with told them that actually there’s a later train and they believed them because cute French boys idk I guess and obviously it turned out there wasn’t a later train - obviously V knew when the trains to her apartment stopped running lol - so these boys and their girl friend offered to drive them back to the apartment, which they accepted, and then like the Americans invited them up like for a thank you nightcap and these people proceeded to badly SA the American girlies and rob my bf’s gf’s apartment. The girls obviously left to go home to the US immediately the next day and my bf’s gf broke up with him because all her shit was stolen lol because of his moron friends so she wasn’t happy with him. That’s a real story that happened - doesn’t mean I’ve ever felt unsafe in Paris though. I’ve felt like I’m overpaying for shit but I’ve always been… safe. I’ve actually taken the last train in Paris myself and it was totally fine even though I was not sober lol and the American girl *I* was with there (not romantically like we were just vibing together) also had nothing bad happen to her at all lol so it’s not even a dumb American thing. It’s like… bad shit sometimes happens.

Basically, my take is touristy South Africa isn’t unsafe tbh any more than any other touristy part of the world (if you go into really bad areas that’s different) but keep your wits about you dudes if you do decide to go and obviously feel free to hmu.

[shutupdevvie]

ok so some people have been doing their little mushy end of dig/end of tbagg thing so here i am because i can never pass up the opportunity to be sappy. also this is gonna be long af and i honestly don't expect anyone to read it but i wanna write it so i'm going to.

dig allentown was so many firsts for me. it was my first greta show. my first show ever on the floor. my first time waiting for wristbands. my first time traveling for a show. my first time going on a trip with my best friend completely on our own. what i'm trying to say is that allentown meant a lot to me and it meant a lot that i had tay (who literally will not see this post but i'm gonna say it anyway) with me even though she didn't really care to see them very much. she still stressed with me for MONTHS over this show and sat with me for wristbands and gave me support when i needed it at the show. not only was allentown so important for me, but it was also just such a great show. the setlist was fucking amazing. i don't think i will ever get over it or figure out why they played that setlist in allentown of all places but whatever the reason, i am grateful.

then we have atlantic city. ac was very much an unexpected experience for me. i had plans with other people for months that fell through and at the last minute, tal offered me a place in her room, and i am so glad i took it. spending that weekend in ac with tal and lexi and buffy was something so extremely out of my comfort zone. i had never met any of them before yet i was committing myself to staying with them. i was stressed as fuck but i was so tired of everyone being so surprised that i was willing to do something like this that i forced myself to get over it and have a good time. i think they will all admit that i still didn't talk very much and that may not have given off the best impression but ac was one of the best weekends of my life and i forever am grateful to them for making it as great as it was. spending all night in the hostage room together. watching tal crumble after seeing sam in the hallway (sorry tal but i couldn't NOT mention it in my favorite memories). doing prayer circles together in hopes of having a good show. getting second row, barbs, and stardust chords for night two (plus my rose that i will always cherish). and we also have to mention learning the rival sons claps because that is still one of my absolute favorite memories. anywho ac was also very special to me and it brought me closer to some of my favorite people.

and finally to the battle at garden's gate. tbagg is the reason i'm here right now. "here right now' meaning a) alive, b) on tumblr writing a sappy post, and c) a greta van fleet van just in general. this album and this band has changed my life so so much more than i ever could have possibly guessed. without this album, there would be so many wonderful people that i would never have had the chance to talk to and connect with and i would never be listening to the music that i do now. tbagg was a life-changing album for me in so many different ways, and i am so glad that i found it, especially when i did. there are times that i still feel a little alone in the universe, but then i post some bullshit about josh kiszka and somebody halfway across the world will respond and i'll remember that, maybe i'm not so alone after all.

anywho i guess the tldr is: i love greta van fleet. allentown and ac changed my life and so did tbagg overall. i love @streamsofstardust and @jakewhorecore and @artificialbarbarians for making ac so great and for being some of my favorite people. and i love all of you. also want to say that i love @highdefkiszka because she's like my bff and i would never have met her without these stupid fuckers ! to a new chapter and i'm sorry this is so long and so gushy and everything, i can't help it :))