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#honestly just assume any art piece i make i was high while doing it btw
appawling · 7 months
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i decided to make gumi's fursona a deer, just so that she wouldnt be the same as miku ig? idk, maybe i regret it, but either way she's still rlly cute :3
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Survey #462
i am way too tired to mentally flip through lyrics to put here, rip
Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) I have zero idea. When did you last travel alone? Where were you going? The last time I visited Sara in Illinois. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? I think I got purple highlights? What was the first social media site you ever used? MySpace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? One. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Sara's house is lovely. Have you ever been catcalled? No. Are you allergic to any dogs? I might be. Have you ever touched a plant and had hives shoot up your arm? No. Do you think dragonflies are cool? Absolutely! What’s your favorite thing to draw? Meerkats!! Did you toss your hat in the air at graduation? Not high. I wanted to keep it. Do you like fudge? I CAN FUCKING DESTROY SOME FUDGE. Are you an affectionate person? Very. Name something you have to do today: Girt and I are hangin', making fun of bad Netflix anime and going to Buffalo Wild Wings. :^) Would you ever write to a death row inmate? No. People don't get on death row for no reason. I ain't got shit to say to them. Do you reckon online friendships are real? No fucking shit. Most of my most genuine friendships began online. Do you like Slipknot? Yep. Can we talk about how fuckin BADASS Corey's new mask is btw?????????? What do you think of Gorillaz? I like "Feel Good Inc." and one other song I can't remember the name of. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? BOTH!!!!! :') What is the cutest Halloween costume for a baby to wear? GUYS I recently saw a picture of a little baby dressed up as a Little Oogie Boogie and it made my ovaries cry. Which of your friends is the tallest? Which of them is the shortest? Jesus, Girt is a giant. I don't know about my shortest... If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you choose? Pastel pink. :') What has been the best night of your life so far? Why? Probably something sexual so let's keep it on the down low lmfaooo Would you ever even think about taking part in a wet t-shirt contest? Uh, no. Even if I WAS confident in my body. Is you hair color the same as it was when you were a baby? No. It was dirty blonde. Have you ever been in trouble for being too loud? Ha, yeah, at school with friends. Not big trouble or anything, we were just hushed. Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? No. What is something that you were surprised you were able to do? Hm. What is the most bullshit-sounding true fact that you know? Male cats have spiked penises lkasdjfal;kje;kjwr it's something to do with preventing other tomcats from mating with her. What Oreo flavor is your favorite? Gimme that Double Stuffed, friend. Sour gummy worms or plain gummy worms? SOUR. Ever been in a talent show? How many times? What did you do? Nope. Ever try out for the talent show and not make it? Did you cry? Nope. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? Y'all when I was a very little kid, during my older sister's b-day party, I sobbed because I couldn't pin the tail properly on the donkey lmaoooo How do you feel about the use of nuclear weapons? Absolutely fucking barbaric. What song has the most meaning to you? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus!!!! :') Have you ever made bread? No. Has anything ever fallen asleep on you? Pets, a baby I was watching after, and Jason. Ever been dominated in a game you were/are really good at? yep alskdjfla;jwej Have you ever decided to set fire to something out of anger? No. Would you rather be a house pet or a wild animal? Wild animal, I guess? Have you ever listened to a group of chanting monks? I haven't. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Probably of Teddy. I've still yet to decide on the total design of his tribute tat I'm getting. Do you like the smell of men’s colognes better than woman’s perfumes? I think so, yeah. How mad would you be if someone copied your original work (story, poem)? I'd be pretty fuckin pissed. Have you ever blown something up in science class? Ha, no. Have you ever gotten a serious wound from shaving? Not serious, no. Have you invented anything, only to find out it actually exists? I feel like I have? Ever realize you never truly LOVED your first love? Absolutely not. I loved him. Would you want a Bachelor/Bachelorette party before you get married? Sure, sounds fun. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? As of very recently, I returned to using pads. I used tampons for most of my maturity, but I got annoyed with them for TMI reasons and resorted back to pads, even though I don't like them either. Have you ever dated a model? No. What is your ultimate goal in life? To die happy with my life and what I (hopefully) accomplished. What colour are the socks you’re wearing today? I’m not wearing any. Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? Girt. It was something regarding how I once considered doing the suicide mission at BWW where you eat a select number of their hottest wings, but I didn't wanna die via chicken. :^) Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I'm average in height. I wouldn't change it, nah. Especially now that Girt and I are together the ridiculous height difference is hilarious but also cute lmao. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? Like, while I was there? No. Have you ever had casual sex? Nahhhh. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Chocolate. @_@ When you think of your childhood, are the memories mostly happy or sad? Mostly happy, I guess. What is it like being you? Is it enjoyable? It's very boring with few sources of joy. What are your thoughts on the cause of homosexuality? I would *assume* it's a genetic mutation. Reason being, having a romantic partnership without the ability to reproduce defies the motives of science. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, wrong with said (and hypothetical) genetic mutation, though. Mutations are just another part of science. They occur naturally. What subjects did you find most interesting in school? Least? Most interesting: literature/English (especially reading like, old mythology and epics and stuff like that), LOTS of branches of science (but primarily genetics), art, and I looooved my four semesters of German. Least: ANY and ALL math, history, economics, social studies... that kind of stuff. Which do you enjoy more–hot or cold beverages? Cold, for sure. What were some of your favorite bands from childhood? Green Day was one. Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? Buried alive, for sure. It would be much, much slower. Should you really be doing something more productive right now? Well, I SHOULD be sleeping. Today's going to be a long day, because when Girt comes over, he has a tendency to not leave until like fuckin midnight or later alksdjfl;waje Have you ever lived out of your car? No. Does your family own more than two houses? HUNNY we r poor. A relative just committed a very serious crime, do you turn them in? It depends on the exact crime, but odds are, yes. If you're endangering others, byyyyeeee. You’re in the woods, alone, at night…are you honestly not afraid? Bitch I'm terrified. I have zero survival skills. You are on life support, what would you want a loved one to do about it? For the love of god, please kill me. Your child has only a while to live, do you still enroll them in school? That would be up to them. Also, define "a while." How would you feel if you met your idol and they ended up being rude? WELP I have a tattoo in his honor so that would suck ass lmao According to the tale, was Eve wrong for eating and sharing the apple? "God was wrong for even setting up an apple tree and making up rules in the first place." <<<< There ya go. And the punishment was fucking ludicrously extreme. Are you working on any goals? Yes. I'm currently going to the gym regularly to try and better my physical health and then find a job. I know that being connected sounds odd, but trust me: I can barely carry out very simple tasks just because I have absolutely ZERO stamina to do almost anything. I need energy and endurance. I'm also working towards developing some self-love. Which parent named you? I wanna say my mom. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I mean, myself. Aforementioned self-love is hard. I'm just annoyed my head is so reluctant to accept that I'm not a piece of shit for a million reasons. Why have most of your past relationships ended? They all ended for different reasons, really. Are you having any online conversations, currently? I'm not. What’s on your mind? I'm just tired and going back to bed real soon. Have you ever had an argument with a teacher? No.
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shesawriter39049 · 6 years
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|FAMILY TIES| M| MAFIA AU| 2
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SMUT/ANGST 
SUMMARY: A powerful alliance made up of 4 families spanning over a decade, is suddenly turned on its head when one family has a new leader after an unexpected death. Well let’s just say he’s not down to follow the somewhat civilized rules your families have inforced. Sooo now, it’s game on…
THIS CHAPTER IS VERY STORYLINE HEAVY AS FAR AS LUXX & TAE ARE CONCERNED.... BTW
15k 
WARNINGS: HMMM, DIRTY TALK, ORAL( M/F GIVING AND RECEIVING) SLIGHT LINGERIE KINK, LIGHT CUMPLAY, OVERSTIMULATION LIGHT DOM TAE, FACE RIDING, CAR SEX...KINDA LOL
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His eyes were studying yours his whole aura seemed..different…the way he looked at you was a lot softer now as his touch also changed, it was more so him needing to make sure you were calm. As his hands rubbed light circles along the small of your back, he could feel you start to melt into his touch. Yes, this was your life..the only one you knew but that didn’t make shit like this any easier. 
Letting a deep exhale release from your lungs, your hands found their way into his hair reconnecting your lips to his taking advantage of the moment. He could feel you smile into the kiss and that let him know you were good. He chuckled lightly against your lips ,still not breaking the kiss, the way he caressed you in his arms just screamed “That’s my girl”.It was like..he could sense that you were at ease, because he was there, and you had his back, down to start a fire the minute he was. 
His hand snaked up your neck, pulling you in tighter, as he deepened the kiss. Mr.Kim couldn’t control himself around you tonight, and you weren’t complaining it was rare, that he got like this and you loved it. letting himself get completely out of his head and just live in the moment with you. But the moment came to an abrupt halt once as your body jerked from a sloppy ass turn the driver took a low grunt leaving both of your lips in aggravation as you tried to keep your cool. Not a smooth driver by any means, shit it felt like you were a second away from slamming into the door. Currently questioning if you were in a game of bumper cars to be honest, because that would make a lot more sense. 
In all honesty he was driving like he was nervous, another rookie mistake. Neither of you would ever feel uneasy by one of your driver’s skills,even if they were doing 130 down a dead end they were always smooth. Also, as the driver sometimes you don’t know what happened or why your picking someone up. The less you know the better, that way if ever questioned, the honest response is “I was just told to drive”. So with that being said, your driver wouldn’t speak without being spoken too, which so far is the only rule this rookie is following properly.
Taehyung called it off rip …he was just probably some guy, who was broke and needed some cash. He’s not valuable to Marco, he doesn’t know much, and on top of that he’s terrified, not only of fuckng up but more importantly his passengers.The two of you were known to do some pretty serious damage together if need be. You could go from danity and vulnerable to heartless and lethal within seconds. Which is why it was crucial for him to go undetected, if the two of you caught on he didn’t stand a chance. Little did he know he blew it the minute Taehyung got in the car. You watched his brow furrowed in frustration at his ammature driving, the grip on your waist tightening, you could tell by the look on his face he was beyond pissed. Ready to snatch his ass right out of the driver’s seat, and end this pathetic excuse for a kidnapping or whatever the fuck it was..he wasn't impressed to say the least. As bad as Tae’s temper was,he wasn’t a loose canon. Even though this guy seemed like a complete cake walk, unless you two were in immediate danger there’s no way Taehyung would make an impulsive decision like that with you in the car. Even the slight risk of you getting hurt because of something he did would ruin him. He hid it well, but him being protective over you goes way deeper than just the family business. 
Knowing he had to find a distraction so he could stop envisioning repeditaly bashing this man's head into the window until his skull was in dicetable pieces. I guess he’s lucky his favorite lady was already on his lap.. Reclining your back to rest against the driver’s seat with a mischievous smirk which he read you clear as day..you two were about to give this rookie the ride of his life. One of his favorite things about you, no matter how girly you were..hair, nails,makeup, high heels..you weren't afraid to play dirty.  
“Oh, by the way I bought you something…” his hands roamed up your sides as you kicked your brow up out of curiosity. Your dynamic had changed over the past almost 6 months, all of the built up sexual tension finally came to a head after the two of you closed a pretty dangerous deal is Sao Paulo. The leftover adrenaline coursed through your veins as he had you bent over a balcony 20 stories up. Hand around your neck, he fucked you until you couldn't even see straight, and once your legs gave out he laid you on chaise lounge and kept goin… But that’s about all it was, Taehyung somehow mastered the art of not getting in his feels,but every once in awhile his heart would pick a fight, and lately it’s been knocking him on his ass. 
You knew he was just trying to make small talk..but he’s never just randomly bought you something, unless it was like food,liquor, or a hotel suite “I actually bought it a while ago,but ya know, you just had to be a fuckin brat” His words came out almost in the form of a growl as he coyly reached in the pocket inside your coat, sliding your 9..down your sleeve. Which drapped on the floor, cradling it in your hand, due to your jacket hanging off your shoulders, the gun and your hand were completely covered.
Rolling your eyes not even bothering to actually verbally give a response,which only made him chuckle. He really wasn’t phased by you he’s known you damn near your whole life, he just..ya know.. wanted to choke your bratty ass sometimes that’s all.
“Clearly you still haven’t learned your lesson..” You felt a hard smack on your ass but you knew it was coming, keeping your eyes trained on his as you just shrugged nonchalantly in response. Trying to play it cool but he left one hell of a sting, already feeling the heat start to pool between your thighs.”But I feel like I’d be torturing myself more than you …” Adjusting his tone slightly, the arousal dripping from his lips clear as day, it as insane the cast that hung over the two of you right now. The energy that radiated between you did not reflect the situation you were currently in whatsoever! God you loved the way he looked at your body, as he massaged up your thighs it was like you could physically see the affect you had on his own, as he slowly let himself go piece by piece.
 “When I saw it I knew you’d look sooo sexy...while your pretty little mouth was wrapped me…ass up…wearing my favorite pair of Louboutins” The smoothness in which he delivered that you honestly couldn’t even be pissed at him assuming he’d get his way. He definitely had a lingerie kink and you knew It was a piece from Agent Provocateur, it was one of his favourite brands and he wasn’t shy to pick out what he liked. But typically it was while you were already ordering, he’d never done it on his own before! On the surface the two of you may appear to be 100%  lost in your own world, completely unaware of your surroundings. All the random side turns this twat rockets taking down side streets. But Nah, you were well aware, just waiting until the time was right, while having a little fun in the meantime. 
 You weren’t going to let him know how genuinely happy the idea of him lingerie shopping made you, not the way your ego was set up. “And who says that you’ve been good enough to have my lips wrapped around your dick Mr. Kim?” Cocking your head to the side slightly capturing his gaze with yours, as a cocky smirk landed across his lips. Lacing his tongue against his plump bottom lip as he readjusted your position on his lap, rolling his hips up into yours. 
“We both know, especially tonight …I’ve been more than good my baby …” Fuck how was it possible for his voice to get deeper, digging his nails into your ass through the thin fabric of your dress. Signaling for him to scoot closer he leaned in for a kiss,the grip on your waist got tighter as he already knew what was coming. Slowly creeping your hand up the back of the driver's seat strategically placing your gun between the gap in the head rest causing the hammer to make a slight clicking sound as the muzzle hit his neck . Granted this was not an ideal position but you’ve done this long enough, were you could make it work.
Your tongue still hadn't left Taehyung's until you both felt the car come to a complete stop, as he gasped in utter panic once he realized what was happening and at that point Taehyung had enough. “Alright, fuck this..”The whole car jerked, while he gently removed you from his lap, it still amazed you how quick he could switch gears. He went from caressing you to slowly fumming in the matter of seconds you watched him grunt, rolling his eyes in frustration as he quickly climbed over the seat hopping into the passenger side as you adjusted yourself still keeping your gun at the back of his neck. “Keep drivin…” Surprised by how relaxed his tone was in comparison to the look on his face. Taehyung searched him quickly before taking his own gun in one hand and his phone in another .
“Amature move number 10 sweetheart, you never. stop. driving…” you whispered out boldly against the skin of his neck as your lips brushed his ear. Tae couldn’t help but smile at the sight of you ,he thought you were the sexiest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on . Even if his pride wouldn’t let him admit it this man was becoming so consumed by you it’s unreal! Accidently catching his gaze, it felt like your heart stopped for a moment when you realized the way he was looking at you. The moment was short lived though, regardless of the situation you were currently in. You should’ve known better than to think Kim Taehyung was allowing himself to actually fucking feel more than a orgasm.
 “She’s right, for all you know she could’ve just been fuckin with you. None of my men would’ve stopped driving, or jumped when I gouged at the seat nor would they have made that sloppy ass bang around the corner…..so I‘m only gonna ask this once...and don't you dare lie to me. I’m really not in the mood for games tonight, what fuckin’ character sent you?!“
Lucky for the driver in the midst of all this one of Taehyung’s men called, so he was temporarily distracted leaving you to deal with it.Signaling to you with his gun, which let you know he wanted you to continue his interrogation, while he was preoccupied.  His delivery was just..fuck..…it always did something to you when he was doing business he was so stern and such a fucking man!! He never had to yell for people to know he wasn’t to be fucked with! He’s a pretty boy who likes designer things, yet It was so effortless for him to balance the two, he could look like a Blue Blood or a guy from The Dot, and have respect from either party. 
Before you even had a chance to open your mouth, his eyes shot back in the driver's direction, I guess the nano second of silence was far too much for Taehyung to handle ”Did I not just say, I’m not in the mood for this shit? The fucks the matter with you?”Grazing the hammer with his index finger, cocking his head to the side while his tongue grazed his teeth. His accent that sat typically mild on a day to day basis, always grew even thicker once he got frustrated. Even faint, in combination with the deep rich tones of his voice..you were ready to get on your knees whenever and wherever he wanted. Granted this probably shouldn’t be running through your mind while you guys are technically in the midst of being kidnapped with a gun to a man’s head.  But that’s the kinda shit that runs through your mind regardless of the situation when your dealing with Kim Taehyung.
Believe it or not, this man was either stupid or..just..well stupid because he still stayed quiet , which at this point you assumed he was playing the same game they all did and you weren’t in the mood . “Oh for fucks sake, spare me with the “I’d rather die than talk” bullshit please ! Trust me this mother fucker doesn’t give a fuck about you, it will get you nowhere!” Your tone was cold as all hell reflecting no type of emotion, you’d been through this far to many times for you to even be slightly amused. 
Suddenly the energy around you felt suffocating..something just didn't feel right, and in that moment...all your patience flew out the window. Knocking the muzzle against the back of his neck even harder this time, causing his head to jerk a little when you still got NO response. You flicked the lock with your finger until it clicked which immediately got Taehyung’s attention because that sound meant you were about to release from your register “Your a second away from your organs being splattered along the dash kid” Raising your tone out of pure frustration, but it didn’t take you guys long to realize that it actually sounded like he was almost…crying? Well, fuck, clearly this wasn’t going the way you anticipated, completely dumbfounded who the hell kidnaps someone..and then has a mental breakdown!? 
The look on both of your faces mirrored the same level of confusion, I.E WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON!?
 “Jesus kid are you crying, seriously!?” Ducking his head down slightly trying to get a better look at his face “Seriously?? Am I getting punk’d or something!? How old are you?!?” Pulling the drivers hat off ,flicking the light on. To your surprise the tone was, calm, and warm actually,complete contrast to how he originally approached him. An almost sympathetic sigh left his mouth when he looked over at him, this kid looked like he was barely 18!  The word “kid” was used very frequently in Boston, but buy no means did you actually think he was actually barely legal!
“Of fucking course!” You whispered out low in frustration and slight disbelief, shaking your head, as it now was all starting to make since. He wasn’t just a rookie he was a child, you guys didn’t do business like this..unless they were  in the family you didn’t involve kids. Even though you felt bad you still didn’t remove the gun, deep down you knew this wasn’t some trap, Marco just didn’t give a fuck, but you were trained to never underestimate anyone! Just wanting someone cheap … that was easily impressionable, and disposable.
This life wasn’t for everybody that’s for damn sure, on the surface it looks great, the money ,cars,planes, trips you name it. But it does something to your spirit, after some of the shit that you see in this line of work. I know it sounds cliche but it's true..your never the same…God forbid your in a position where you’re the one deciding if and when someone will take their last breath. You gotta have a strong ass heart,and a lot of the time you almost gotta act like you don’t have one at all, and it’s hard still…even for you two. Mr. Kim could attest to that better than anyone…
In this moment not caring how young he was…Taehyung was getting pissed that he hadn’t answered his question! Like I said there's a time and place for everything, he didn’t expect you to worship the ground he walks on. But in a situation like this when Kim Taehyung asks you a question you answer, simple as that.You watched his head cock to the side, eyes extremely focused on the divers mannerisms, you couldn’t tell if he was enraged, or concerned, as he was still on the phone with one of his men. All you could do was hold your breath and pray he didn’t do anything crazy
.“Alright, you know what?  I‘M done, I’m done with this conversation! I don’t care who fucked up were..just fix it! Jhonny,put me on speaker..” pausing taking in a couple slow breaths, using his index and middle finger to pinch the bridge of his nose, almost indicating the conversation was giving him a migraine and knowing Taehyung’s lack of patience..it probably was  
“Alright boss..” 
 “If you guys are smart, you’ll make sure nothing else goes wrong tonight, I’m not in the mood for this amateur bullshit! Oh by the way you mother fuckers literally let me get kidnapped by a kid that can’t even grow fucking facial hair! Get your shit together!”  Tossing his phone down on his lap, letting out a deep sigh in aggravation as he ran his fingers through his hair. His phone went off almost instantly once he hung up, probably sending him directions. 
Still, in the midst of all that he stayed dead silent in the drivers set, jaw cinched ..trying to look tough, yet you could see how glossy his eyes were, they were probably burning from him trying to suppress his tears.  “Alright, well now that i’ve clarified my men are incompetent and you’re probably not even old enough to buy cigs..pull into this parking lot, then your gonna pull out…bang a uey, and we’re going in the opposite fuckin direction.”
His delivery was so chill it was almost comical, there wasn't even a hint of concern in his voice, already well aware the driver would follow his instructions. You watched his shaky hands pull into a lot of what appeared to be a diner . Pulling out, and doing exactly what was instructed of him “Good boy …” He coaxed and it seemed to put the kid at ease “Make a left at the next light. “ . Taehyung knew what he was doing, purposely waiting until the driver seemed a little calmer before he started to ask him questions.. “Ok. I’m gonna say this one more time, and if you don’t respond I’ll revert right back to that motherfucker I was when I first got up in the front seat . You're already pushing it because my biggest pet peeve is repating myself...yet here I fuckin go soudnig like a damn parrot!”
 He kept is tone low and stern but still he wasn’t yelling, it was rare he did. “If I’m being honest I don’t care how young you are I’m not the one that hired you.  At the end of the day the job you accepted put her life in danger and that alone is enough for me to bash your fuckin head in.” Cocking his head to the side leaning in a little closer as he tried to read the kids expression. Barely centimeters away from this kids face, a knot forming in your own stomach just from observing..you heard him sniffle and clear his throat .
“I-I didn’t do anything to your driver by the way , I actually don’t know where he is ...the car was empty when I got in it” He paused needing to focus on the road but you also knew he needed to calm down. 
“After you make this turn your going to stay straight for a while . Then hang a right into the gas station…Keep goin..” The combination of warmth in his voice and of course pure fear encouraged him to actually continue 
”I’m- I’m 18, he comes to the packie I work at, I just turned 18, and the day I did my foster mom put my ass right out! I -He asked if I wanted to make some quick cash …he just said I’d have to drive a car. I had an hour to get you guys to someone else..”  It hurt more than you thought to hear this young kid say what the both of you already knew, which is that he was just a pawn in Marco’s game. But both of you became slightly intrigued the more he spoke, he knew Marco probably didn’t deal with him directly but did he know a name? A location? ANYTHING!
“Shit I’m screwed , I had one job ! One FUCKING job ……then you get paid..that’s all I had to do…that’s all I had to do..” you heard him whisper out the last part,actually almost sounding like he was outta breath. Repeatedly it like a prayer, both of you zoned in on him, making sure in his sudden panic he wouldn’t suddenly try to do something irrational. This was all in a day’s work ..at the end of the day he had a job to complete and so far he hasn’t, at a 9-5 that could get you written up or fired..in this line of work it could get you killed.  
You watched Taehyung’s expression change slowly, he felt bad, really bad. “Shit man, “ Tae huffed in frustration running his fingers through his hair “You know there’s a chance he’ll kill you if you don’t bring us in right?” 18 or not Taehyung wasn’t going to sugar coat it he’d rather you be braced for the worst then leave you in the dark . His eyes glanced over at him and he just nodded.
”Yeah, but I don’t have much here, never have it wouldn’t be shit for me to use the money I have and hop on a greyhound or something..” He was trying to sound strong but you two saw right through it ,he probably barley made $10.00 a hour. All the money he had would probably only cover the bus ride and one night in a motel .
  “Pull in here …” he instructed as calm as ever noticing his blacked out Jaguar parked behind a semi. You could feel the car start to slow up, before actually coming to a complete stop right in front of the driveway, he was having second thoughts, I mean not that you blame him. “I really wouldn't do this If I were you” you heard a deep slow exhale leave Taehyung’s body as he adjusted his gun in his hand “Don’t push me, would you prefer I just let you pull the trigger yourself? Because you essentially digging your own grave right now, pull. in.to .the driveway...now.”  Taehyung’s voice was barely above a whisper but the authority behind it spoke volume as his eyes cut over to the drivers, You felt a knot form in your stomach..praying the driver wouldn’t do anything stupid. You watched his grip get tighter on the wheel, knuckles flushing the palest shade of ivory,  the headlights caught Taehyun’s men’s attention.
Two of them started walking over..trying to see what was taking so long now it was 1 against 4. You watched his eyes flutter as he let out a low defeated sigh while putting the car back in drive, once pulled in Taehyung’s men were quick to yank him out the car, slamming him against the hood “HEY! Mazda..chill he’s just a kid..leave him be…I got this…I got him…”  shoeing him away as he stepped closer. Once Mazda released him you watched him drop to the ground it was almost like his entire body caved in.
Taehyung walked over, opening your door “Hey,Can you go stand by my car baby doll? I just need to have a quick word with our little buddy over here..” 
Your brow immediately arched so much attitude laced across you face as you crossed your arms against your chest..for one..the pet name threw you off..and two since when are you not allowed to be in on business conversations? Incase he forgot you were BOTH kidnapped, he detected you weren’t pleased letting out a deep huff, leaning down sliding his tongue into your mouth effortlessly. Forcing his way in with such ease..it was so quick you were almost confused it happened, yet somehow he was able to explore what felt like every inch of your mouth.Causing you to moan against his tongue, it was crazy how easily he could get to you now.
”Please, I need him to talk and I don’t want the two of us tag teaming him...promise I’ll fill you in once we leave...” His plea came out in a low whisper.. As his hand massaged the back of your neck…how could you say no when he just kissed you like that, more importantly he was right. This kid was fragile It was clear that Tae cracked his shell a little, in more ways than just utter fear. Letting out an exaggerated huff as you hopped out of the car, but of course because your, you a dramatic exit wouldn’t be complete without you rolling your eyes at him. In which he just chuckled while you swayed past ,placing a quick pat on your ass as you headed towards his men .
Taehyung crouched down in front of the kid, that was now sobbing. Planting his hand on his shoulder “Hey..” his tone was somber trying to get his attention ..”I’m gonna help you out a little..you can keep the car, my men will give you a new plate and some cash…but I need you to help me out first…” His eyes widened..after hearing that. In all honesty he probably did not have the money for a greyhound, and if he had a car…he could maybe sleep in that instead of a motel and save money. 
Nodding his head eagerly in response “What the fuck was this about?” Pausing for a moment not sure if he was having second thoughts or just trying to get his thoughts together, so Tae thought he’d try to coax him along “Listen, If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve done it already…and I still can, Not to sound like a total dick but what happens to you once I pull out of here has no affect on my life.” 
Pausing purposely really wanting that resonate with him, making sure he understood that Taehyung really didin;t have to help him.
“I’m trying to help you, but I need you to help me too..do you understand?“ Still keeping his voice calm even though at this point he was about out of patience this boy had about 2 seconds to speak…and it was clear he picked up on it 
“Yes….” His almost passive response was met by Taehyung's unforgiving glare, play time was over..he needed answers. “I-honestly don’t know the reason…the guy who comes into the packie they call him Zeb, but I don’t know if that’s his real name. it’s-it’s not like they told me hey we’re planning a shoot out, but I was at the party the whole time as a server. They told me to go in and interview, I guess they were hiring more people for just that one event .I -I did have a que to leave..it was prior to the shootout..so I guess that technically clarifies they were in on it.” 
Taehyung’s eyes studied him as he talked, watching his mannerisms, his eye contact..eye movements..even the way he was fidgeting. Trying to see if he seemed..genuine or rehearsed “Only other thing I know is Zeb is usually always with someone, but the day he brought me my clothes the car was different. Memorable I guess? Typically he was always in something I don’t know more low key..this one was an old school candy apple red corvette…I don't know if that helps but..that’s all I got, a possible name and a car...I’m sorry. I’m just really sorry...” Throwing his hands up while letting lout deep exhale,body still trembling slightly but Tae could tell he felt relieved to get that off his chest. To  be honest, it didn’t really help, the problem is..Marco probably had new men because none of Leos would help and Tae didn’t know any of them yet. But the car was definitely something to look out for, and he could also do some snooping on Marco’s soilders at a later date.
Giving his arm a squeeze before standing up with a slight smile,abruptly signaling  for his men to come closer “Jhonny, Benny search the car first, make sure there isn’t anything we need…before he leaves. I want a full z30 on this bitch, head to toe! Twice if you have to, run over it with a BL when your done to double check, also leave him with a envelope…” Finally bringing his gaze over to this child, not even asking him,what his name was. I guess Taehyung felt he deserved to keep that to himself, he was already thrown into way more than he bargained for. He seemed so overwhelmed by it all, I don't think it really set in until now. “Take care of yourself kid! Use the money wisely…just lay low for a little Im sure this will all pass ” 
The boy sniffled and nodded, “Thank you!” Was all he was able to croke out before turning back to Jhonny for further instruction.
While you stood posted against his car, you were actually too far away to hear what was discussed, his face had you curious. A couple guards, were sprawled around you after what happened earlier they’d be damned if they let you out of there site.  Walking up to you, grabbing your waist pulling your body into his, massaging your ass in his palm, fuck it felt so good to have him like this. To have him this close outside of sex…don’t worry you still knew better but fuck it felt good. 
 “Were about to head out,you wanna run in there and grab yourself something to keep you Preoccupied before we go?” Waiving a 50 in your face, with a slight smirk. Snatching it right out of his hand like a big kid as you skipped into the gas station. His eyes immediately shot over to one of his men, in which they took the hint with the quickness to follow you into the store. The minute he heard the door close behind you, the base in his voice echoed throughout the almost empty lot, he was cutting into his men, hard. While you were picking out all of your goodies you heard a couple loud thuds outside not even wanting to know what was happening .
The sound clearly startled the clerk as he went to check outside, and you knew this wouldn’t be good. Both yourself and his guard ran out behind him, only to find Tae, striking the icebox with his fist. Each grunt that left, his chest subsided little by little. “Hey! what the hell do you think your doin man!?” 
Shit, shit shit, he actually yelled at him,  clearly he didn’t know who he was dealing with.. I mean yes obviously Tae is destructing his property so he has every right to be upset this just..fuck this  wasn’t a good time to address him in that tone of voice. “Nothing to see here man I’m just leavin..” His tone of voice was alarmly calm in contrast to the blows he was taking to the iceox as well, as his bruised,slightly bloody knuckles. God he had such nice hands why did he have to fucking attack the icebox!  His eyes gazed up at the clerk jaw tight, while his hand rested on his hip, suit jacket, no I’m sorry let me specify his Versace suit jacket was on the ground in front of him. 
The sarcastic chuckle echoed across the empty parking lot “Are you fucking kidding me!? You’re damaging my property and your bitch over here has a bunch of shit in her hand she didn’t pay for..” You went completely wide eye and actually speechless at the derogatory slur as you honestly didn’t realize you had the stuff in your hand, before you could even say anything you found yourself distracted by Taehyung. You watched his expression change it was almost like he backed out, strolling towards the clerk slowly..too slow actually “You know what man..your right I’m sorry let me pay you for the damages..” None of you expected that..his tone even changed..it as lighter..a slight smile moved up is face, as he cranked back decking the clerk dead in the face. He was literally on the ground, blood oozing out his nose, while Mazda reached over to grab Taehyungs blazer off the ground. 
Tae singinally for you to come in his direction with his middle finger and you followed. Purposely stepping over the “gentleman” as you walked, lightly digging the heel of your red bottom in his abdomen as you amouvered over him. You heard he rasp our the word “Bitch” causing to to turn around, pressing your heel firm against his throat, until he was damn near crying “I’m sorry  what was that!? Yeah like I thought, who's the bitch now!”  Tae’s grip on your arm was damn near the only thing stopping you from legitimely gouging his adam's apple out with your shoe!
“I really should come back and unload a good 15 rounds through this bitch!” Pausing slightly..letting his eyes scan the perimeter of the gas station “Actually..meh..I still might..oh have fun getting that nose realigned, you got a bit of a hump anyway..maybe they can even that out for ya!!“ Turning away slowly taking his time strolling back to the car, hands stayed connected to your  waist the entire way, his grip was firm, wasit flesh to your ass.  As dysfunctional as it may sound, seeing each other in this element was one of your biggest turn ons you’d consider it a knink but I dont ink there a “mob/mafia” kink list.  Both of you guys equally powerful, and dangerous in your own right. He felt just as secure with you as you did him!
The plan was standard...simple, Taehyung would drive you two himself, but one of his men wouldn’t be more than 10 feet away as you guys commuted through the city. The drive from the gas station to the bridge was about 35 minutes. Upon crossing the bridge the other 3 cars would tail him as he crossed into the city.  The driver that would ghost him the whole drive had a very standard car, just a black chrysler 300 nothing that would seem suspicious or draw attention, under the hood it was a damn monster but he the surface it was low key. Taehyung on the other hand, he was a different story, not sure why they brought this particular car for him. It was a matte black Jaguar F type, it had racing tires and a turbo engine and sat lower than it’s supposed to. Point being it looks like a race car, you just felt like it would draw attention to him, not too familiar with who ran this territory as well as how clean there cops were. The car just screamed “Money..” so you knew he would catch people’s attention just out of curiosity. Taehyung’s tires alone were enough to get him flicked, but he was a drifter, so more than likely he asked for this one.
All four cars pulled out together and actually stayed in a straight line a good 3 miles. So much had gone on you didn’t even know what time it was, the party started early..around 5..so between that and the commotion it was only pushing 11 at night. Taehyung’s hand found a firm grip on your thigh as he drove.. Not saying much, and you were fine with that, you knew he had a lot on his mind right now. You felt his palm starts to massage your thigh, slowly making its way higher, and higher..eyes fluttering over in his direction while his stayed focused on the road. The sound of some form of R&B floated through your ears in the background, you were tensing your thighs not giving him what he wanted. You could feel, his nails digging into you until you spread your legs the way he wanted. 
“God your so damn sexy....” Always down to give you endless amounts of praise.
Letting his index finger sooth up your slit and your eyes glanced over at him, his jaw laxed and his neck reclined, there was nothing sexier than the way he reacted to your body. You could’ve sworn he was the one getting pleasured with the form of euphoria he was in. His fingers rocked up and down your clit  ,rubbing gentle circles, you could phsycaly hear how wet you were …his fingers were damn near sticking to you. “Tae..” Reclining back in your seat, letting your eyes flutter shut as you spread your legs even further, the needy cry left your lips as he slid two fingers in.
 “Baby, your already soo fucking wet, fuck, goodamn” His voice was so calm., and so smooth, as it laced through your ears, it was almost like you could feel every words course through your body. Going in knuckle deep making you slouch down completely in your seat, tightening your walls around his fingers “I know you fuckin love it when I get angry, You were standing over there with no fucking panties on just dripping down your thighs weren’t you baby? This pretty little pussy was just throbbing for me..” He continued to work you with his fingers, adding a third, as he curled them against you.
“Yes, fuck you already know how much I love it..oh my god you feel so good!” He continued to work you, while you felt yourself run down your thighs and his custom leather seats ..until you heard the GPS cut in letting him know he’d be turning in a half mile. You knew at that point once he entered a main road he’d need to focus. Needing him to stop before you got any closer you took a firm grip on his hand pulling his fingers away and lacing them into your mouth with a moan, purposely as you knew how much he loved that…a hiss left his lips as he watched  a slight chuckle leaving your lips as you pulled away. His hand landed right back on your thigh, still keeping a firm grip on it,, almost as if he didn’t want you to forget what he could do at any second..You watched him approach the fork in the road and you knew that’s where they’d separate. The road was quiet..didn’t seem like there were too many business on this side of town slightly rural.
While stopped at a light you both watched a black car pull out a lot and turn into the lane to your right, it was a standard cadillac, the windows slightly tinted . Neither of you seemed concerned Taehyung’s eyes did cut over quickly just out of habit, once the light turned green the car hesitated, it was almost like he purposely waited to go, wanting to be a couple feet behind Taehyung . It didn’t take long for one of his men to notice as he creeped up his speed a little to lock in the space behind him, incase this guy tired too. “Who the fuck are you..” you heard him whisper out to himself, he didn’t seem concerned, moreso intrigued.
 ‘Don’t worry boss I see’em” The voice that came through the speaker was Mazda, Johnny and himself are Taehyung’s right hand soldiers and he was also one hell of a driver. Taehyung sped up purposely to see if the other driver would react and he did. The grip on your thigh got tighter and you already knew you needed to make sure your seatbelt was buckled as tight as it could. “Once the light turns green, I’m blowing all of em the next 4 miles ..” He spoke into the speaker , Mazda didn’t verbally respond but you heard him pump his gas a couple times, causing a mischievous smirk to move up Tae’s face “Thatta boy..”.
The minute the light went green, he eased into it..staying at a steady 40 for a minute before quickly moving up towards 90. Blowing through the next 2 lights, as he approached the 3rd he clearly had a split second decision “Hold on love” He was still pushing 90 when he cradled the wheel in his hand, making tight, tightttt turn, completely spinning around in the center of the road. No other car would be able to handle a turn like that, thank God the road was pretty much dead or else you probably would have shit a brick with how fast he whipped that turn. Driving back in the opposite direction, before making a quick right down a side street. You heard tires screech and a slight thud, which Taehyung ignored if anything, the caddy hammered the break trying to keep up with Tae and whip that turn and Mazda purposely tapped him to give you guys time to speed off. His eyes glanced down at his Gps, noticing 2 streets down, was a dead end residential cul de sac. Easing down on the gas he turned down the side street. Upon approaching a stop sign he knew he needed a place to lay low for a couple minutes. 
One if his best skills is being quick on his toes deciding he was  going to his left,pulling up just enough to turn around. Shutting his headlights off heading down the side street, in reverse,not even sure if you could breathe at this point. Bagging into the driveway of the house at the end of the street. All the lights were off but it as clear people were home, fingers crossed know one looked out there damn window. “Where did you go!!?” Mazda finally spoke out probably tired of trying to find him. Taehyung had a tracker on the car he was driving but no one had one on his. Not trusting the possibility of someone snatching one of his mens work cars.
“I see you, stay where your at..I’ll be….” Pausing mid sentence watching a car creep down the opposite end of the dead end,but he actually had his lights on, another rookie move. You could tell by how slow he was driving he look for you two. “There ya go..keep drivin’ buddy..”  you felt his hand massage up your thigh, just trying to keep you calm. Squeezing his hand a little to let him know you were still good, even though your stomach was in 23422 knots you were still good. “Find me a busy Main rd, now! Unless you want to just start firing rounds at every damn car that looks suspect , so yes that means I’m firing rounds at every fucking black car I see …” you could hear it in his voice , he was tired, cranky,and fed up ! In his mind there’s no reason he should’ve been in this position to begin with. You watched his GPS reroute him, keeping his lights off until he made his way out of the subdivision. Once turning onto a back road, you watched Mazdas car pull into the left lane and it wasn’t long before that Cadillac was back.
“Alright buddy you wanna run , we can run !” Taehyung pressed on the gas , he could see a pretty busy intersection approaching at the end of this backroad.“How much do you trust me ?” He quickly glanced over at you honestly not sure if you wanted to respond.
 “Ughh, Fuckkk, more than I wanna admit ,why?” He could hear the timidness in your tone, not responding just smirking down at you with a dark chuckle that made your stomach turn. Reaching down to grab your hand, intertwining your fingers with his, he could sense you were nervous..pulling your hand up to his mouth leaving a couple delicate kisses. Fuck who was this man!?? Because this is not at all what your use too..Once the arrow turned green to approach the intersection he hit the gas to damn near a hundred and so did the Cadillac “Fuck Tae!!” You gritted our through clenched teeth. This street was busy really busy, as he weaved his way through lanes . In and out, in and out until he got were he needed to be, at this point the cady couldn’t keep with his his speed, skill or the aerodynamics of Tae’s car which allowed him to do this so effortlessly. There was only one turn needed before it was a straight shot to the bridge . The light was yellow , and you guessed it he blew it , turning red right as he was turning , taking a tight grip on the wheel spinning, damn near doing a burn out into the turn lane. “Kim Tae-fucking -Hyung” you damn near  screamed at him and all he did was laugh as he barely merged you two in between a truck and a semi that was also pulling into the lane from a gas station. 
It felt like your heart was in your damn pinky toe as you waited for the light to turn green. The minute the tail of his car pulled into the lane a truck blew by, if he miscalculated even by an inch you two could’ve been dead ! He smiled his big boxy grin back at you , and you couldn’t help but laugh “Shit Tae I almost pissed myself! What the fuck!” Punching his arm playfully even though in all honesty he deserved it . Leaning over placing a ton of messy kisses all over your face as you tried to swat him away, to be honest you did love the adrenaline rush, it didn’t take long for your yelling to turn into laughing!
Remember how I said he wouldn’t make impulsive dangerous decisions with you around? Well that was only if he wasn’t the one in charge, Taehyung was genuinely calm the entire ride. He knew how skilled of a driver he was and how much his car could handle. Even if it didn’t feel like it to you he was in control the entire time. The ride to the bridge the rest of the way was smooth . His men all tailing him when needed, the drive into the city was still another half hour though, the windows were cracked while Taehyung’s playlist streamed in the background  the cool airbrushing  over your skin made you doze off at some point. Glancing over at you periodically as the wind dusted over your body, you looked so beautiful and so peaceful, he literally wanted to scream, he found himself squeezing the wheel tighter than usual. Almost purposely wanting to inflict more pain on his already pulsing hand. How did he let himself get to this point with you? And why can’t he snap out of it tonight? It seems like everytime he catches himself, he slips right back into it.. He spent the entire drive home trying to wreck his brain, to rationalize what happened today. There just didn’t appear to be a point, it all just seemed like a waste of money and what was accomplished? Between the shoot out, ,the attempted kidnapping, AND who the fuck was in the Cadillac, and the red Corvette? Was this maybe a distraction for something bigger? Or was Marco just really this incompetent? Or were you two wrong was it even Marco? Who the flying fuck is Zeb!? The fact that nothing made sense..was unsettling to say the least, maybe that was the point…to make everyone feel uneasy…
Waking up to a couple airy kisses on your neck “Come on baby…” He whispered against your skin as your eyes fluttered open, you almost thought you were dreaming actually. He never used the pet name outside of sex, clearly he must be fucking delirious and exhausted … vision still a little blurry as you watched him walk over to open your door. Then you realized where you were, Taehyung owned a gentlemans club a really nice one actually it was in a 3 story brick loft, he had a secret penthouse apartment on the 3rd level. That only certain people knew about , it looked like something straight out of Aricturtial Digest . But due to the location Tae never kept anything..of value here, which may sound mind boggling as this place was lavish as all hell but the nice couches, the custom bed, full bar, walk in glass shower and blah blah blah, that didnt mean shit to him. Important stuff he stored, like pictures of his mom and family, gifts from his parents, family airlumes , that’s what mattered. Which he kept at his house which was gated , completely isolated and heavily watched. At the end of the day, yes this man loved a good Gucci suite but he knew what really mattered in life, and it wasn’t all this material shit. There was a separate closed off entrance to the building..it took you down alley..which was sandwiched between the club, and a packie that was beneath a small apartment complex. Your families owned the complex under a alailas LLC name as well, a lot of Tae’s soldiers lived in that building.  There was “secret” back entrance ,a double sided iron gate, you walked through to a covered courtyard esque walkway that lead to the back door of the building in which you were both greeted by one of his guards.
 “Bengie’s here by the way!” ..Bengie..short for Benjamin…slang for $100 bills..Bengie’s real name was Hoseok, he was there best launders, money, drugs, you name it, you figured he must’ve been here to either do a pick up…or a drop off on a run he just complete. He wasn’t to be fucked with, as he was also one of there cleaners if need be. Meaning if things got messy and someone had to be taken out….Bengies your man. Which is insane that he dose such a gruesome job because when this man smiles your face literally feels compelled to do it with him, like you don’t have a choice.
You two walked down the hallway,this wing of the building is where all the business that did not pertain to the actual club took place, The smell of expensive cologne and cigars hit your nose“ Hey, I need to make a couple calls, hang out here for a minute then will go upstairs for the night okay?” His tone was almost somber has he stroked your face, he knew you were tired..just nodding in response, as you continued to stroll down the hallway. Upon looking to your right you spotted a familiar face, the room was guarded instantly stepping aside once you go closer “Damn, they actually let your ass back over the border!?” Leaning against the door frame with a slight smile on your face as he glanced over at you. Always in black and always wearing sunglasses. He was tall. Not super skinny either, had a pretty good build on his, Dark locks that typically sat parted to the side, occasional falling in his face. Like Taehyung his skin also always kept a warm olive complexion but Hoseok in contrast to Tae, held a much thicker accent when he spoke. “Hi lovely” Smiling back at you as he strolled over giving you a warm hug. He always smelled amazing and he was fine, damn fine, but unlike Jimin and Namjoon, he was someone that could call Taehyung Tae Tae and he would answer. So you’ve never even entertained the thought no matter how good he looked! Also more importantly he had a lady..her name was Lola, but you all called her Bunny. On the surface she was a ballet  instructor but behind closed doors she was one of the accounts within the circle.  
Unlike Taehyung, he wouldn’t live in fear, no he didn’t broadcast it but it wasn’t necessarily a secret either.“I heard you two had an interesting night..” 
Scoffing in response as you ran your fingers through your hair“Yeah something like that, I still don’t get what really happened, just seemed like a damn mess to me ”
“I literally wanna rangle his throat, I can’t stand the kid, I already told Tae next  time I see him I’m knocking his ass out, bottom line!”  You watched him stuff some packages in a black leather YSL overnight bag.
 “Where ya headed?” 
“Hong Kong, then I’m stationary for a little bit. Thank God Bunny’s ready to kill me..” Smiling over at you as he continued to pack, still blew your mind that he did the type of work he did..he just doesn’t look like the type. But that’s what makes him perfect for the job.
‘Hey Luxx? V said he’s ready when you are!” Almost jumping at that offer god you were so ready to get in bed.
 “Okay tell him I'm on my way..” The guard nodded before stepping out and you walked over giving Hoseok one more hug before you left. You hugged him tight, you always did, he had one of the riskier jobs and you just never know..you never know. As cynical as it may sound, in this line of work, nothing promised, nothing.  
He chuckled a little once he felt the grip you had on him “Don’t worry sweetheart, I always find my way back home..You know this! I got too much to come back to, to go down without a hell of a fight!” Glancing back at you with a wink before giving you one of his infamous big smiles, that again it was impossible not to do in return.
~~~~~~~~
The two of you made you way up to his apartment, ironically it always seemed like you ended up here around the same time frames . After 10 when one or the both of you were feeling needy. Like I mentioned it was beautiful the man had great taste. You could either take the stairs or a private elevator both were key coded, and I believe his apartment door was literally bullet proof. Not that it mattered there was always a guard posted outside the door. It was a very open floor plan, 3 bedrooms, 3 baths, a walk in closet, full bar, gorgeous hardwood floors with high ceilings, exposed brick throughout.Taking your coat and shoes off you sat on his plush California King, when you watched him stroll over in your direction, only removing his suit jacket at this point slowly placing his hands on your waist “So, I know I said we could go to bed..” the minute he said that you rolled your eyes…already knowing were this was going “ Butttt…I gotta meet with Hoseok before he leaves for Hong Kong…” You couldn’t help but pout, you understood but you were feeling selfish you didnt care you needed him your thighs were still throbbing.
 Picking up on the oblivious pouty lip he climbed on the bed hovering over you, letting his lips brush over yours “But, go get in the shower, relax a little and when I get back up here….” He started leaving kisses down your neck, sucking down on the already bruised skin from earlier in the night. “ You know I’ll take care of you, I always do. I’ll eat your pretty little pussy until you come so hard you can’t see straight..” He breathed out against your neck as he hand crept up your dress, Teasing your slit with his middle finger as you arched into his touch.
 “Tae..” The breathy cry left your lips, as he slowly slid two fingers in , rocking them back and forth..pulling out to lace his tongue around them. Licking your juices off his fingers like it was the best thing he had all day “Soo fuckin good” . A cocky smirk left his lips as you whined once he pulled away
“I promise I’ll be back baby! I’m gonna turn on the shower for you before I go, if you need me call me, but Brice is posted outside the elevator if you need him.” You heard his voice echo off the marble walls of his bathroom. Placing a quick kiss on your forehead before heading out the door.Far too tired to dissect the sudden subspace he seemed to have crept into were he actually acted like he had feelings. 
Rolling out of bed you walked into his bathroom, it was all gray and white marble, his shower big enough to fit about 10 people and it had 4 shower heads,. Throwing your hair in a bun you stipped down before stepping in the shower. Just sitting down on the bench letting the water and steam consume you as you tried to relax. You stayed in there for maybe a good 20 minutes the sinks were on the opposite side of the room behind a wall, wrapping a towel around your chest you walked over wanting to brush your teeth before getting in bed you noticed a familiar box. It was from Agent provocateur, you felt like a kid on Christmas. Who didn’t love surprises, you honestly we’re not sure if he was serious or not when he said it in the car. it was really sexy that he wasn’t afraid to pick out what he liked. It was a 4 piece set, a bra, suspender, panties and thigh highs for the suspenders to hook through. All 3 clothing pieces had black trim, the actual material was a mesh tuell, so the bra panties and suspenders were completely see through with slight black and silver glitter throughout. The underwear were a cheeky fit, and the bra had amazing support , the pieces just hugged every inch of your body perfectly.. Taking your hair out of the bun, lathering your body in lotion before putting the pieces on, giving yourself a couple one overs in the mirror. You couldn’t even deny it, you looked good, damn good! Walking out of the bathroom, strolling into the bedroom you were too focused adjusting the straps to the suspenders to notice was was standing in the doorway. He cleared his throat and you instantly snapped up, eyes meeting his with a slight smile as your ran your fingers through your hair, strolling over to the bed slowly, making sure to let your hips sway as you walked. He watched your every move carefully  as you readjusted on the bed, reclining on the bed slightly keeping your eyes locked with his.
You’d never get over the way he looked at you in moments like these, it’s what kept you coming back. When the two of you had sex, all his walls came down that’s when he was vulnerable and affectionate, the first time he ever called you baby was when he buried deep was inside you, hand around your throat making you cum. Typically that’s the only time you heard that name until tonight.. You watched his eyes trace over your slowly , letting his tongue trace over his bottom lip taking in every inch of you. God you looked even better than he imagined . Still leaning against the door frame, hand in his  pockets, head resting against the wall he hadn’t said anything yet and it was killing you . It was like he could sense it though the minute you went to speak up “I don’t know why you’re staring at me like that you know what position I want you in . You’re only torturing yourself I’m sure your already soaked, lay the way I want you…” His voice was so calm, yet so assertive, and he was right you were already soaked, the sound of his voice alone did things to your body that you couldn’t even explain. You could tell the mood he was in tonight, not wasting any time your rolled over,  crawling up the center of the bed. Getting down into one of the deepest arches you could! You heard a deep growl leave his chest as he walked towards you . 
His hand soothed up your ass slowly before slamming back down on it hard causing your whole body to jerk. “Don’t make me have to tell you what to do next time, you already know what I like..” You felt the bed shift as he crawled up the bed , lips finding their way up your back as his hands massaged your shoulders, Letting his hands palm your hips and he gently grinded his clothed body into yours, just teasing you for the hell of it. Digging his thumbs into your sides “Fuck your so perfect, god. Look at you.” The sound of his voice almost like he couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe he got so lucky. Marveling at how amazing you looked in the mesh material, how confident and sexy he could tell you felt in it. His hands moved up the front of your body, massaging your breasts through the thin material as they traveled. Letting one hand find a place around your neck, With a firm grip he pulled your body against his, making you flesh with his chest. Reclining your neck against his shoulder as he sucked on the skin beneath your ear. His other hand teased your bottom lip as he watched you suck his fingers into your mouth, a slight moan leaving your lips.
“Your so damn sexy you know that? ” his words coming out almost as a moan as he rocked his hips against your ass, sliding his fingers out, creeping past the hem of your panties to  massage your clit. Digging your nails into his arm your neck rolled back on his shoulder, grabbing the back of his neck, pulling his lips down to yours.  He kissed you hard, lacing his tongue against yours as you moaned out into his mouth, deepening the kiss bringing his hand up to cup your face, while his other left your core to squeeze your ass. “Bend over for me baby..” Re adjusting your body in the same deadly position ou started in, like he said earlier he loved you ass up , lingerie. Grabbing both thighs he let his hands roam your body, starting by massaging your hips as kissed his way up the back of your thighs. Slowly making his way over to your ass alternating between kisses, and digging his teeth into the sensitive skin leaving small little reminders that every inch of you was always his regardless.
Breathy moans left your lips and your hands palmed sheets in anticipation “Baby , have I ever told you how perfect your pussy is ?” Before you could even respond you felt his finger hook the material out of the way.. his lips kissed up your folds . While his hands massaged your ass, you could hear him moan against your core. Always sounding like he was genuinely enjoying pleasing you at first they were just simple kisses, the feeling of his plush lips along your core. Then suddenly his tongue got involved and your whole body jerked away from him  , as you were caught off guard by the sudden feeling causing his hand to slam down hard on your ass again . Rule number one when he was in control he was in control unless he told you to move you didn’t move. 
“Tae..” the cry left your lips so faint as you face meet the bed, keeping his tongue flat and complete extended from his mouth he made multiple slow long, strokes up and down your slit, occasionally teasing your entrance with his tongue. The grip on your ass got tighter , your body was still subconsciously jerking away from him, it had been literally almost 2 months since he tongue was on you like this, and you were so sensitive. “Be a good girl, you can take it..” Letting his tongue roll against your clit before sucking it in his mouth completely , while he effortlessly slid two fingers in, you were already dripping down his face.
 “Oh fuck.” You felt your body jerk again but this time you accidentally slid further down on the bed, which was a mistake because it actually gave him better access.  It felt like your mind went blank when he touched you, nothing else mattered all you could focus on was how fucking good you felt. As he continued rocking his fingers against you, long enough to hit all the places you needed while the moans leaving his mouth sent vibrations echoing through your entire body.
“God you have such a pretty pussy, always gets so fucking wet for me, taking my fingers so well..” He praised against your folds, which only made you tighten your grip around him “Arch up more for me baby, come sit your pussy on my face..” God the sound of that set your stomach on fire , flipping over on his back, he reached out for your hips. Placing you right were he wanted you. He always preferred for you to ride his face from the front, because then he could see every expression on your face. He had you your body slightly elevated so his fingers could access you as well. Snaking his hand behind your thigh sliding 2 fingers in slowly curling them upwards as he wrapped his tongue around my clit . Sucking in slowly and your entire body immentially tightened around him, thighs already starting to spazz.
Rolling his tongue up…and down ending the motion by wrapping his lips around the tip of your clit suctioning his lips around the nerve humming out, radiating vibrations through your core. . Treating your clit the same way he did your mouth, his tongue, licked, sucked, twirled, it’s way around every inch of your most sensitive area.“Oh-myyyy-fuckkkkk” it felt like you were straining to get words out, your body reacted to him like its been years since you been touched..like this. 
Arching back slightly letting your hands roamed up the front of your body before finding their place in your hair as you started rolling your hips up into his mouth. Which he fucking loved, this man lived for you to ride his face. Reclining your head back,as your eyes fluttered shut .It felt like he placed his entire mouth on it , his tongue moved slow but wide …it was like he was getting in …every inch of you. Placing his tongue directly on the head of your clit ,flicking it…toying with you a little giving you the sensation of anticipation, your body jerking against his tongue every time. Occasionally teasing at your opening siding his tongue in:..and out …”God yes, fuck baby…”you were starting to grow more and more sensitive as he let his tongue mercissily attack your clit.
Thighs trying to clench around his head involuntarily, you could hear him growl against your dripping folds as your juices ran down your thighs and his face , as he’d yanked your legs apart so you weren’t restricting him. His hands steady massaging your thighs, moving to cup your ass so he could push you closer into his mouth.,You could feel him start to slow down and you wanted to cry you were so close and you knew exactly why. Looking down eyelids heavy only to find him looking up at you as he rolled his tongue against your core . He loved  eye contact …every time  you’d look away he slow down or smack your ass.. “Good girl” His words came out gravley against your center as he slid his hand back under your thigh to continue working you with his fingers. The base in his voice sending waves through your body “Fuck ..baby dont stop, don’t-“ As your msucles started to tense, his motions got more Intense sliding his finger out making you sit completely against his mouth before just applying steady pressure . Sucking on your clit until your entire body unravled above him and he didn’t stop .
Your body collapsed down on the bed over him as you clawed at his sheets, not even able to cry out anymore while your entire body trembled. Your mind was still hazy,you almost felt high you were on such a wave right now.His hands found there way to yours  intertwining your fingers with his, but don’t be fooled this endearing moment was also a way to keep you put.  He could feel how hard you were shaking and he didn’t ease up, keeping his lips pressed against your clit as he left faint kisses up and down your core, wiggling his fingers free, his hands roamed up and down your back as you tried to remember how to breathe. Wiping his face with his hand, as he smirked up at you.. Rolling you over gently he hovered over you, kissing your forehead, while massaging your thigh. Leaning down letting your lips connect to his, the taste of your juices fresh against his tongue as you moaned out into the kiss. 
Panting against his tongue, while your chest felt like it was collapsing..thighs still spazzing even as you laid flat on your back “Breathe, baby breathe..” breaking away from the kiss to press his lips over every inch of skin he could reach in an attempt to calm your body down. 
The moment was great until outta nowhere you heard a loud bang on his door the two of you couldn’t help but jump as his apartment was completely silent prior, “You have got to be shitting me..” He rolled of the bed beyond furious grabbing his gun off the table before walking over to check the monitor to see who was at the door. It was one of his guards and…Namjoon? You heard slight conversation but you couldn’t make it out, your body too weak to care honestly.
“Hey Luxx? Can you come out here for a second? “ Jumping of the bed, almost falling actually as your legs still felt like mush, grabbing a robe before tilting your head out of the room 
“You have got to be shiting me! Do you know how long I’ve been looking for your ass!? Why is your phone dead!?Do you realize I could be sleeping or,getting fucked right now!? Instead I’m not I’m here but clearly you did so at least one of us are happy!” He was furious,But Taehyung and yourself couldn’t help but snort out a laugh at how angry he was.. and then it clicked, you kinda sorta forgot to call your dad. You stared back at him completely blank, I mean what the fuck was there for you to say? You fuked  up.. 
“Really luxx? You know the way Sunny is! Are you trying to get my dick cut off?Have you forgotten how much you beg for this thing?!You heard me tell him I’d-!” Even Though his tone was slightly playful he was serious, he promised your dad he’s get you out safe, so it wasn’t a good look by any means that it’s going on 230 in the morning and he hadn’t heard from you. He was honestly probably planning Taehyung’s funeral as we speak. 
“Shit, I know, I know,I’m sorry, I’m really sorry tonight was just..a mess! Joonie  call my dad please.“
  ‘Sure..” His tone was beyond dry he was officially done with you for the next few days at this rate. Placing the call on speaker you heard it ring, and your stomach turned 
“Talk to me kid, did you find her?! God I swear If not I’m gonna kill Tae-” 
” Hi dad…” Trying to sound as sweet as possible but that shit wasn’t flying…’
“Are you fucking kidding me !? God your lucky your my baby girl because if you were my son I’d bash your head in in right now, I’ve been having a heart attack! If it wasn’t for Taehyung having the common sense to at least call HIS father. I wouldnt have a clue where you were! Shit Y/N..I’m just..” The more he talked the calmer he became...originally his tone was on 10..damn near screaming through the phone “I’m glad your okay especially after what happened with Park Jr tonight!! I just- I’m just glad your okay…!”  his tone now went from calm went  to almost..exhaustion but the more important thing in all of this ..what the fuck happened to Jimin!?  
All three of your faces reflected confusion and concern “Dad…” Your tone indicating you needed him to go into greater detail…there was a slight pause before he continued which only had you more concerned .
“He’s fine, at least in comparison to the guy who tried to hit a lick on him. I don’t know for sure..he got a phone call from someone who he thought was one of the caregivers…but apparently it wasn't…” Your brow furrowed in, in frustration, and confusion honestly. He was being very vague which was frustrating to say the least 
“For what? Tree? ‘ Taehyung cut in. Your father let out a deep sigh it was clear he didnt wanna get into this tonight.
 “It was laced, purposely it was a special batch that was intended to go overseas..actually it’s one of the batches that’s supposed to go with Hoseok…Which I’ve already dealt with by the way.”   You all still stayed quiet, there were too many missing pieces to this story. But more importantly, somethings wrong..really fucking wrong how are people suddenly infiltrating your circle so easily!?
“Alright, well with that being said, meet at the ferry at 1..were going to the Island to meet Dino for dinner..please don’t call Jimin let him rest, he’s still a little bruised up, he will be there tomorrow! Luxx, baby I love you, Taehyung, thank you! ..thank you..Joon, sorry she wasted your night! “ He hung up after that, abrupt and in true Sunny fashion, granted it was pushing 3Am though. Still he didn't even wait for any of  you to respond, because he didn't want one. Not in the mood for a million questions while you 3 just kinda stared at each other mind fucked. 
Dino was Leo’s brother, the island was private property and you guys owed a ton of land over there, and ran some of your business on that side of town. The air stayed silent until You heard a morbid chuckle come  Namjoon’s direction “Tomorrow’s gonna be fun..well, it’s late, as hell and I’m exhausted so I’ll see you guys at 1 ….apparently! Lux I’m still mad at you..but I’m just glad your okay!” You smiled back at him,. Reaching over to give him a quick hug mouthing out “I’m sorry” as you pulled away.
  “V, always a pleasure man!” . Once he walked out, Taehyung’s eyes cut over to you, He was pissed, his word was all he had, so he still wasn’t happy that you never told your dad you two were okay..even if it wasn’t until you guys back to his apartment that’s still been damn near 2 hours! He didn’t say anything as he grabbed a glass off the counter, that had some sort of Bourbon as he walked over to have a seat on the couch.
You let out a whiney sigh before following  him, crawling over to straddle his lap, he wasn’t happy, not even a smile in site “Baby I’m sorry..I’m sorry…” 
Taking the last sip of his drink his brow raised in slight amusement of your whining “Mmm,you’d be really sorry if one of your uncles showed up here with a gun to my head huh?” His tone was stale, fuckk you were in trouble..You were pouting and he didn’t care, he straight faced the hell outta you. Leaning down you nuzzled your lips in the crook of his neck, while your fingers worked the buttons of his dress shirt, leaving kisses down his neck to his collarbone. Once his shirt was unbuttoned your hands went to work his belt buck, he still didn’t say anything eyes trained on yours,.Pulling the zipper down, you started palming him through his boxers.
“You can look at it all you want but it’s not gonna suck itself” There was no sense of warmth in his tone at ll yet, for some reason that turned you on even more.  He lifted his hips a little so his pants and boxers weret adding pressure, he was already semi hard, which isn’t surprising. Damn near everything you did turned him on “Don’t even think about..” you looked back at him in confusion as to why he would stop you from sucking him off “Take your damn robe off..you know better” How could you forget again..ass up, untying the rob letting it fall where it landed “If your good maybe I’ll play with your pussy while my cocks in your mouth, I’m sure she’s still soaked,  probably actually getting wetter as I speak…” His tongue laced his bottom lip as he watched your every move.
Lowering yourself, placing your tongue right at the base licking up slowly, lapping your tongue around the tip and back down the other side .Repeating the motion until he was completely coated, breathy moans started to leave his lips as his hand found the back of your neck. Once you knew he was lubricated enough you took half of him in your hand and the rest in your mouth. Placing your lips on the tip, going as low as you could before you started to gag “Fuckkk, that’s it baby…” Pulling back you spit slightly on his tip letting it drip down as you started to work the base in your hand, bobbing your head, letting your lips touch your hand every time so every inch of him was covered. Moaning out against his cock as you honestly enjoyed pleasing him hearing his low gravely moans because of you were one of your biggest turn ons. You felt him start to palm your ass with his opposite hand, still keeping one in your hair. His fingers started teasing your slit which was still drenched “Fuck baby, your still so fuckign wet, you like sucking me off baby? Does it make your pussy wet knowing how good you make me feel ? Fuck you take me soo well.” He started rocking your body as he worked you clit causing you to bob your head harder but he wasn’t too rough so you didn’t mind, as he slightly rocked his hips into you. 
“God, I love fucking your throat” Your moans against him got even louder as he started rubbing your clit more aggressively before sliding two fingers in. You keep bobbing your head and working him with your hand, as you got closer to the tip you’d suck down a little harder knowing that was his soft spot. Your eyes fluttered up, just in time to watch his close in pure pleasure as he sunk down deeper into the couch.You could feel him pushing harder and harder against your tongue and you knew he was close. Pulling back you swirls your tongue around his tip a couple time before fully deep throating him. Letting him hit the back of your throat everytime he actually loved hearing, and feeling you gag around him. You knew your limits though, almost able to take all of him in once you were warmed up enough, throat completely relaxed.
“Fuck, keeping going baby, make me cum, I’m so close Y/N fuckk..” You couldn’t even believe the sound of his voice right now it was soo deep, and breathy he was so vocal tonight and fucking loved it. You felt the grip on your hair get tighter and you swatted his hand away from your clit, you knew he was close and having him working you while you worked him was too distracting while trying to get him off. Too fucked out to even care as he looked down at you with hooded eyes. Taking him back in your hand while you worked the tip with your mouth, applying more pressure towards the tip you feel him start to throb repeatedly and you knew it, he…was cumming “Fuckkkk” he looked, and sounds so good when he comes, the words coming out in a low breathy moan as you watched his chest rise and fall. Not pulling away until you made sure you took all of it, not leaving a single drop. Releasing him from your lips with a loud “POP” as you smirked up at him, gripping your waist he yanked you up on his lap. Gripping the back of your neck, crashing his lips into yours. Taehyung  actually loved the taste of his own cum, your tongue lathered along his was the only thing he wanted while his body was fully coming down from it’s high.Grinding our hips into his as he kissed you even deeper, he was still moaning into your mouth , and you felt like you could come all over again just from that alone.
You felt him start to laugh into the kiss before pulling away “I’m still mad at your bratty ass.” A snarl left his lips as he swatted your ass, just plopping your head down on his chest, not even bothering to respond. You just sucked the life outta his dick he’d get over it. Wrapping one arm around your waist the other found you hair, gently running his fingers through the strands. Before you knew it you fell asleep,his first instinct was to move you, it felt ..too good to have you that close to him like that. But he didn’t, to be honest he needed it because he couldn’t sleep, way too much on his mind. They found his driver and he was pretty banged up. “Justin” is just a generic name for the driver, trying to keep them as close to a John Doe as possible.., he actually wasn’t sure which one of his guys were picking him up. It was Andre and he was 19…the youngest person on the team and the ONLY reason he’s involved is because he’s one of his father’s guards son. 
To make it worse it was his first and probably his last job,due to him technically getting car jacked that’s a pretty legit and unfortunately common thing so he was taken to a regular hospital. All Taehyung could think about, was due to Marcos ignorance two young kinds got fucked..he was furious ...and now Jimin. He may have technically been one of your fathers men but you guys all worked together..it took everything in him, not send his men to drag Marco back to him by the balls! It also didn’t help that he couldn’t figure out who was tailing him in that car. The one thing Taehyung always had was control…and it seemed like that was slipping away away between work and you, he just couldn’t shut his mind off. After getting zero sleep he decided to make a trip to the hospital around 6am to see Andre!
Not sure when he put you in the bed, but clearly it happened at some point also removing the lingerie  as he knew it had to have been sticky and uncomfortable by now. You were woken up by the sound of your phone having a seizure as your assistant was calling. Once you looked down you noticed it was a quarter to 10 “Yeah..” Your throat was raw as you spoke, you could blame a combination of Taehyung and lack of sleep 
“What are you doing about clothes? I’m assuming you don’t have any with you sooo..am I bringing this rack over and your makeup?” Rolling over on your back letting out a deep so breath, fuck you were still tired “Ughh..hold on a sec” You could hear the based in his voice from across his apartment, you knew how iffy he was about just anybody knowing he also lived here. So you thought you’d ask if he’d prefer one of his guards to grab your stuff. Placing the call on mute you through on a rob as you were completely naked and you didn’t wanna run the risk of someone being out there, making your way to the spare bedroom you knocked on the door frame. It was open but out of respect for his call you wanted to give him a heads up, he was speaking in his native tongue and you were pretty sure it was his father. 
Due to doing a lot of business in Korea you understood it a lot better than you spoke it, you could already tell from the tone of the conversation it wasnt good. Smiling up at you he signaled for you come in, placing whoever on hold “Yes?.” you could tell from his voice and his eyes he was stressed and tired, dressed in a all black, black fitted bomber jacket, black veck, black skinnies, black boots, and a black hat. To be honest his outfit choice was kinda casual for him, granted everything was designer and still probably 2 grand on his body but..you just knew he was in a mood, and this was going to be a long ass day.
 “I need, my clothes and stuff, well actually I guess I could get ready at my place…”  Having a split second decision as you honestly didn’t stay over long after sex not that he’d ever put you out.But let’s just say you’ve been there done that and it typically dosen’t end well. Yet his face almost looked annoyed once you said that..
“Actually I just sent Jhonny to get you breakfast from you favorite little cafe up on 22nd he can swing by a pick it up.. You had a long night.. Just relax…”  Pausing for a second as you clearly didn’t expect that, and you weren’t complaining .
“Oh..okay..thanks..so that means you got me waffles?” Your tone showed you were uncertain and he just scoffed rolling his eyes 
“Yes..” While in contrast he was clearly saying “No shit!” without actually saying it 
“Well you know I like Powdered su-” 
“ Really? Luxx get outta here I know what I’m doing!” Swatting you out the room as he stepped back on his conversation, and now you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, taking the call off mute “Hey..yeah Johnny’s gonna come get it, so just pull a couple pieces off the rack, and grab my makeup bag, the big one with the standard LV monogram has everything I need in it..k..thanks!”
Your curiously got the best of you as you lingered by the door, from what you can make out it sounds like a distributions went south. You guys dabbled in a ton of trades one of your most successful outside of drugs? Counterfeit goods, especially luxury ..the irony in that right? All the people that buy  high quality “designer” things on Amazon and AllieExpress and etc that know there knock offs, or from The Alley in LA. There's a good chance they came from your shop one way or another..even if your just the person that provided the connect..that still came at a fee. Both of your fathers owned a couple shops that produced the goods. It seems something went wrong with one of the freight trucks but you couldn’t really understand it. But since it’s business you were also involved in first hand you knew you’d hear about it so you gave up on trying to translate, heading back to his room, deciding you’d shower, brush your teeth and curl your hair since you at least had your flat iron here and hopefully by then you’d have clothes and food.
Before hopping in the shower you tried giving Jimin a call but he didn’t respond, you couldn’t help but get concerned when a couple minutes went by without him reading your text. Part of you wanted to send one of your men by his house, and or the dispensary but you decided to stop acting psycho and wait  until you saw him at 1!Halfway through doing your hair, Tae came into the bathroom, you had your headphones in so you didn’t even hear Johnny come back. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror in nothing but a sheer pink bra and panty set, of course you had a ton of lingerie here if nothing else. His hands cupping your ass as he entered the room, already having your waffles on the plate, Whipped, creamed, powdered sugar, and strawberries already on top. You couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he got your order right, but you weren’t going to say anything but thank you, this man’s ego is big enough. 
“Yeah I know I’m the shit, now stop doing you hair and eat, because you know if it gets cold you won’t eat it!” He was right you hated cold food and you weren’t a fan of microwaving shit either. 
“But I’m doing my hair, this is a process if I stop I won’t wanna finish..” Rolling his eyes and he leaned against the wall 
“Right, but again, your bratty ass does not eat cold food Luxx, what the hell do you want me to do? Feed you?” You actually hadn’t thought about that but it didn’t sound like a bad idea, You shrugged batting your lashes at him, a dramatic sigh left his lips and he walked towards you “Oh fuck me” you could help but laugh at his angry mumbles
 “Wow, wait till all the guys hear about what there boss did…” Smirking over at him as he picked up a waffle on the fork, eyes meeting yours completely unamused 
“If you tell anybody I did this I’m never giving you head ever again! Now open your damn mouth” Almost choking on the first part of that but you knew he was all talk he’d actually cave first.
He stayed pretty quiet at first while he fed you a couple pieces while you finished your hair, but you could tell something was on his mind  “Hey, umm about last night, -” You already knew where this was going, letting out a deep sigh as you rolled your eyes,.
“Kim Taehyung if your standing here about to apologize for actually being human for once and just living your life.I’ll burn your ass.” 
“Luxx-” He tried to cut you off, and he got off the counter..stepping back from you a little.. tone surprisingly calm in comparison to how harsh yours was but you weren’t having it.
“No dude FUCK THAT, I thought we squashed this shit MONTHS AGO!!” Your voice echoed off the walls, you were literally screaming, you never yelled at him before, not even if it was work-related. 
“ I’m so tired of this, I guess I must just be real fuckin’ stupid for repeatedly putting myself through this!! I’ve known you for damn near 17 years ! Okay, neither of us has ever said he wanted this to be an actual thing, but fuck! You’re exhausting…how can you keep switching gears!? You literally bought me out a $500 lingerie set, just because. Yet we’ve never gone to dinner, or even hug out... just the two of us without you having to relate it to business. “Oh let’s go out to dinner to discuss this new deal..” Yeah sure Tae let’s go out to dinner at 11 at night half drunk to discuss fucking business!” 
Your eyes shot over in his direction surprisingly he gave you direct eye contact, jaw tight..letting you have your moment. But to be honest, for some reason it only made you angrier ”Or fuck just remove me from the equation, in general, your like this with any girl you’ve ever entertained!  In case you forgot the night your mom died..mine did too! I felt the same fucking pain as you and I watched my dad crumble the same way! But I didn’t let that fucking tarnish me, believe it or not I’d still wanna fall back in love one day! We can’t change the life we’ve grown up in, and in all honesty, for the most part, were pretty fuckin lucky! But as strong as you are with everything else..it’s almost  like you’re so terrified of your life that you won’t let yourself Live it fully..”
It didn’t even feel like you took a single breath while you spit all that out, not having the energy to continue at the volume you were originally. “ I mean shit It’s almost like having a sugar daddy at this point..” The minute you said that his eyes cut over to you, the look he gave you was cold, he didn’t ike that ...at all.
“You know exactly what I mean Taehyung, No emotion right? The only time you let me feel something is when your balls deep in me! The way you were yesterday…I’ve only gotten that once in a blue moon and that’s fine if that’s the way you want this to be. But you need to get your shit together stop playing games..it’s either black or white because clearly, shades of grey stress you the fuck out!”
Whipping your flat iron across the room, not even caring that it splattered along with his marble.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this...I don’t know how it got to this point...” He was looking at you but he wasn’t really looking, damn near looking straight through you...
 “It’s not even just that, It concerns me, with everything you deal with that your so closed off, maybe ‘i’m being naive and assumed because you at least show me more affection even if its brief….  than you’ve showed anyone that I’m..like…I don’t know.. fucking special or something and you’d-” A dry scoff left his mouth as you said that, instantly pissing you off as you weren’t even sure how to interpret that! Was he agreeing you were naive? Was this secretly how he treated other girls? 
“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Your tone was stale, and lacked emotion at this point because why should you be the only one showing any? The room fell silent for a moment and to be honest, the silence was awkward, to say the least. Clearing his throat as he walked towards the door, leaning against the frame…
“It means as a man, it’s my job to keep the people I care about safe and I can’t even do that right now.” You watched him fiddle with the two Cartier rings on his fingers Clearing his throat again before continuing “ I can’t even keep my men safe right now, and I hate it!  It was Andre by the way..he was the driver who was supposed to pick me up..now he’s probably going to spend his 20th birthday in the hospital having fucking surgery, because of me. That alone kept me up all night, now imagine if that was-” He cut himself off, shaking his head, almost like he was telling himself to stop, not even wanting to continue that thought,you watched his nose twitch as he huffed in a deep breath. 
Your mind couldn’t help but wonder where he was going with that.. Yet as frustrated as you were you felt for him when he said that and you were sure your facial expression probably reflected it. Regardless of the fact that his father still ran their circle along with his brother over the past year Taehyung has been given a lot more authority to run his own trades. So with that being said his men weren’t his father‘s responsibility they were his and I guess you don’t really think about it because you’ve been treated like an adults your whole life but most of the men calling him boss are old enough to be his father. Yet in his eyes it’s his job to keep them paid and even though a lot of them are technically his security he feels like it’s still his job to try to not put them in positions where they have to risk their lives for him constantly. 
At the end of the day regardless of how smooth it was running you guys don’t just own a couple Dunkin Donuts and call it a day,it’s still drugs, weapons,counterfeit goods and even the occasional “Hit teams”. So yes, granted Taehyung should be a little heartless and removed when it comes to business, but not his personal life and that’s where he was struggling.
 “Again, I’m sorry about yesterday, your right, I can’t do shades of grey, I was...I was just having a moment. Were different people Luxx just because your so willing to subject yourself to that kind of pain..doesn’t mean I am… I can’t!..And I won’t apologize for protecting myself…I’m not my father…” His voice broke slightly as he finished his thought….
“Like you said it’s either black or white, we both knew what this was when it started and somehow it drifted away from that. It’s on you, if you wanna take it back to how it was…or let go...” 
Your jaw clenched involuntarily  as those words left his lips, he was right, shit had shifted, and you’d prefer if you were both on the same page. You just couldnt wrap your head around the fact , that that’s where he took this..so willing to disreagred that fact thst theres clearly so much more than sex here..so much more! Damn fear held that much power over him huh?!
He was also very mono tone as he spoke, no emotion came through, he looked fuckng exhausted. It was clear everything that was going on was eating him up…regardless that broke your heart.
“Okay?” There was a slight inflation in his tone for the first time...you silence catching him off guard.
“Yup, I got you…”There wasn't even a word to describe the amount of sarcasm and pettiness that left your lips right now.
“Y/N-”
“I said, I.Under.Stand….V I got you..” The slight change in the way you addressed him has his eyes bulging out of his sockets. Ya know he actually had the nerve to look somewhat hurt? A dry scoff leaving his lips. A ring on his cell pausing any additional conversation. 
“Alright, well, I’ll be downstairs let Brice know when your ready to go….” He wouldn't even fucking look at you, It was crazy how he already seemed emotionally disconnect from the conversation. Yet no matter how pettie you were being you actually wanted to cry. 
You heard him walk out of the apartment. About 10 minutes went by of you just sitting on the counter, sobbing actually, it just felt like everything was sitting on your chest. To be frank you weren’t sure exactly what made you breakdown.., your head hurt, actually correction your entire brain hurt, from Marco, to Taehyung, to the distribution truck, Jimin now Jordan ..it was just a lot! You finally pulled yourself together though, you didn't have a choice, your original plan was to get all glam and wear a dress and thigh highs but the ambition for that went out the window, If you didn’t look like death from your previous night you wouldn’t have put on makeup. Throwing on a pair of blacked out aviators letting Brice know you were ready to go. To your surprise once you got in the blacked out Escalade Taehyung was also in the backseat. He didn’t say anything , and neither did you, the ride to the ferry was silent but luckily for both of you having business to attend to on your phone not as awkward as it could’ve been. You got one glance at him,  as his eyes cut cross to your window once a red corvette drove by… the look in his eyes were different, his eyes looked more prominent. They actually looked slightly puffy..had he been crying!? You knew better he’d rather shank himself then cry…but it definitely looked like it!.
Upon pulling up, you were confused to say the least  “What the fuck” Both breathing out in unison actually, which is the first thing you two had said to each other since your argument. The state trooper was there, and so was damn near everybody else..what I mean is, all 3 of the families involved, anybody that worked close within their circle was there. Meetings never went down like this,,,usually they’d just get conferenced  in. There was a good 35/40 people waiting to load this ferry, expect Leo’s, you figured they were already there since Dino called the meeting.. Fuck even Hoseok was there..why the hell was he not on his plane to Hong Kong!? 
Then you also noticed Namjoon, Jimin,Bunny..shit was serious if they were all here. “Yeah because this doesn’t look sus or anything!” You breathed out in sarcasm, while a low chuckle left his body yet he still hasn’t said anything else to you. Both exiting the truck going seperate directions. Hoseok’s lady noticed you right away running over to give you a hug “Luxx!!” Squeezing you tight, before descending into casual conversation which you were only partially listening too. She was a complete sweetheart, and honestly perfect for Hoseok! But your eyes couldn’t help but trace Taehyung. He just seemed like he was on an extremely short fuse today, didn’t matter that you were upset with him you still cared, always would. As you all waited for the Ferry to load, you watched a red porsche pull up  which didn’t mean much to you at first, then you recognized it. That was Leo’s it was his prized possession actually he rarely..rarely drove it!
Marco and one of his men stepped out the car “Fuckk..” it came out as a low whisper while your eyes immediately shot over to Taehyung, luckily Hoseok wasn’t far behind. It was clear Marco wasn’t invited though, some of the guards appeared to be asking him to leave. Originally blocking him from everybody else but Tae pushed his way right through the line, he didn’t need or want security right now.“Nah please let him through,so we can welcome him to the family properly..” Hoseok breathed out with a sly smirk and you knew this wouldn’t end well, these two were trouble together, have been since high school. Believe it or not Hoseok had an even shorter fuse than Taehyung. Everyone started to crowd around them them, blocking your view, which only gave you fucking anxiety.. As you started walking over in that direction..”Fuck yeah, where’s your boy from last night!? How’s his face feelin? Ya know if need be and he’s in a lot of pain I know a guy who has great bud!” You couldn’t see him but you could hear him, Jimin found his way over there.You could hear voices bouncing off of each other but it was getting harder to tell who was who until…
“Did you really show up here today? Are you really that fuckin stupid?!” You knew his voice anywhere..the base shot through everyone else and all you could hear was him, followed by a loud eruption of pure chaos..
There ya have it! Lol sorry it’s long hope you enjoy..
part 3 is up 
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danisnotofire · 7 years
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hey im going to orientation in a few days and im rly nervous abt starting college, i was just wondering if you had any tips or any ~advice~ bc im like, lowkey freaking out ((also i also stage manage and i love musicals and astronomy (sry i was snooping around your about page)))
hey!!! ok i am so so so sorry this took so long lol i actually just went back to school myself to help out with a pre-orientation program and we’ve been having like 17 hour days so i’m Exhausted and haven’t had a lot of time to really give a thoughtful answer (UNTIL NOW). some of this is gonna sound cheesy, but this is Emma Danisnotofire’s Official Real List of Pro-Tips for College, so if it’s on here it’s true. that being said, i go to a medium/small school (4,000 students) in the middle of fucking nowhere, so some of my experiences are gonna be a lil different. most still apply. 
first off, it’s TOTALLY OKAY that you’re nervous. i know when i went i was highkey freaking out even more bc everybody else seemed to be just excited and i felt like i was the only one actually losing my mind from how scared i was. i didn’t sleep at all the night before i moved in. being scared is fine. you’ll probably be scared for awhile after you get there, too, and that’s absolutely okay. i remember it took me a solid few weeks for me to stop feeling nauseous from nerves whenever i woke up. i promise i promise this will go away. you will settle in and you’ll make friends and you’ll figure out where everything is and how things work, i PROMISE. 
second, once you get there, don’t be afraid to talk to people!! i know that sounds super cheesy and unhelpful, but seriously. talk to your orientation leaders!! they’re usually upperclassmen and 99% of the time they had to APPLY to get that position, and it’s because they’re so so excited to meet you!! i’m a mentor for this pre-o program (it’s arts-focused), and we all had to apply, and every single other mentor is super passionate not only about the arts but about making sure the incoming freshman feel comfortable and happy and at home right off the bat. we want to like you!! talk to us!!! talk to each other!! at my school, (bucknell), orientation is actually pretty fucking legendary (it’s 5 straight days of just. nonstop activities), so getting to know your group is always nice. good conversation starters include: compliment something they’re wearing/have done, mention pets, ask about what classes they’re taking. that’s usually where i start when i’m talking to my kids!! 
okay, now for some Actual Tangible Advice. most of this is actually taken from when i gave my friend natalie some advice about college, but it’s still applicable to you!! i’m putting it under a readmore bc It’s So Very Long, I’m Sorry, I Really Hope This Helps/Makes Up For Me Not Answering For So Long
-if you can, get a microwave. if you can’t, it’s nbd because there’s probably one in your dorm somewhere. but it’s really nice not to have to put on shoes/socks to go make ramen at 3am
-INVEST IN GOOD SOCKS!!!! srsly omg you’re never gonna wanna go anywhere barefoot, and dorm heating/cooling can be tricky. i treated myself to a 5-pair box where they’re all different classic art pieces. they’re GORGEOUS and super nice for when i can’t find my flip-flops.
-also, if you have birks. bring them. they are also good for sliding on when u really have to pee in the middle of the night and can’t for the life of u find anything else. also everyone i know wears birks casually (i have a 20 dollar pair of fake ones from american eagle lol)
-OLD NAVY HAS FLIP FLOPS 2 FOR 5 DOLLARS. they make the BEST shower shoes and also they come in so many lit colors they’re the bomb digs. these are also good if you don’t have a pair of birks
-if your dorm doesn’t have it already (most dorms don’t) BUY A SCREEN FOR YOUR WINDOW!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY if u hate bugs you do NOT want them coming in when all u want is some fresh air. my roommate last year brought one to school bc i didn’t even think about it and it was a LIFESAVER.
-if you can, get one of those febreeze scent things you plug in. if you aren’t allowed, there’s this thing called a scentsy that basically melts wax and it makes your room smell SO. GOOD. idk how much they cost but honestly you will be thankful you have it if you can get it (candles work too but most dorms don’t allow candles)  
-you don’t need a huge plastic shower caddy!! you can get a softer one and then hang it on a hook outside the shower or loop it around the shower knob. they’re probs better than a big hard one bc they won’t fill up with water and you can stash it easier. (i went with a big plastic one and it’s a hassle lol). however, if you already got a big plastic one, that’s cool too bc sometimes they come with a removable second smaller caddy, and that’s good for putting your phone in outside of the shower to play music.
-lofting your bed is super nice bc it gives you a little more privacy from your roommate (and privacy is so so so rare in college, esp in a dorm). it’s also nice bc if you’re up there and a friend walks into your room (which is bound to happen with dorm living, which is where i’m assuming ur living as a first-year) they won’t immediately see you, which gives you a few seconds to get ur shit together before they see you.
-HOWEVER!! there are a few downsides to lofting ur bed. the major one is that it’s a pain in the ass to not only get up there, but also to lug your laptop/charger/snacks/etc up there, and once you’re up u probably aren’t gonna wanna come down. also, i don’t know if you drink, (which btw totally cool if you don’t!!), but there was definitely one time where i was too drunk to climb into my bed (i know, i know, several bad choices were made that night and i regret all of them), but thankfully my roommate last year was a fucking goddess though (a definite Mom Friend) and pulled all my sleeping stuff down to the floor lol. it’s rare that something like that happens, but it’s definitely something u wanna take into consideration.
-college is infinitely emotionally taxing. face masks and shower bath-bombs (you put them on the floor of your shower and they slowly dissolve and release whatever scent they are) do LOADS to make u feel better. face masks are also good bonding with friends!! 
-some other self-care college tips: cafes will usually have either hot apple cider in the fall, or you can get steamed milk with vanilla in it and it’s very soothing and gentle and calming. i got it a lot when i was sick just bc it was warm and not difficult to stomach. 
-also baking. if you get a few friends and bake something, it is 1) bound to be hilarious and 2) everyone who walks by will love you. we once made cinnamon buns, except instead of individual ones we made one big disgusting MegaBon, and we still talk about it to this day. it’s the name of our group chat lmaooo
-you can literally never have too much storage. plastic bins, crates, etc. never too much.
-you will leave college with so much more stuff than what you came with. holy shit. you will also get so many t-shirts??? see above. you’ll need storage.
-college is also the definition of ‘Everything is Happening All The Time’, and ur probably gonna make friends who try and do Everything. it took me super long to internalize the fact that it’s okay to like, say no to doing something and take a nap instead. not all the time, sometimes its good to force urself out of your room, but you can stay in on a saturday every once in a while! it doesn’t matter. 
-that being said, do try and go out of your comfort zone a little!! i was definitely not the type to do this in high school, but these days i’ll sometimes go to frat parties!! they’re actually really fun when you go with friends (and always go with friends!!!). it doesn’t even necessarily need to be parties either. audition for a capella. stage manage a show. do a club sport. there’s so much you can do!! (i actually didn’t follow my own advice here last year, i was too terrified to do a lot of things. i did theatre though, which ended up taking up most of my time anyway, but i still wish i had done more, hence why i’m doing this program right now! don’t be like first-year me. be better!)
-HOWEVER here are some (frat) party tips: girls can usually get into parties much easier than guys can, but either way don’t try to go out until around october/late september. the first few weeks back are for upperclassmen catching up with friends . go with a group, and STAY with your group. please. no girl left behind. they usually only serve shitty beer, and ofc you should keep your eyes on it the whole time. if you put it down, just go get another one instead of picking that one up again. also, invest in a shitty coat/gross pair of shoes specifically to wear to the frats. the floors are gross, and you’re probs gonna end up storing your jacket behind a trash can in the winter bc it’s too fucking hot inside the room to keep it on. (is this coat thing just a bucknell thing?? this might just be a bucknell thing). 
-more drinking/etc/stuff: know your rights. RAs are not allowed to look through drawers/open closets when doing room searches, so if you have wine or anything, make sure it’s hidden in somewhere they’re not allowed to touch.
-THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT: if someone has drank too much, BACKPACK THEM. get them into bed while wearing a filled up backpack. it prevents people from rolling over and choking on their vomit. i cannot emphasize how important it is for you to backpack someone. if you can, stay with them to make sure they’re okay. also, don’t be afraid to let them throw up before they go to bed. it helps. they’ll usually feel better. 
-if you can, get a job that lets you sit down. receptionist, librarian, etc. these are the best, bc sometimes you’ll get the  chance to study or get paid for doing nothing. also? receptionist looks SUPER good on a resume. also? money is nice.
-LOCK YOUR DOOR!!!!! I LEARNED THIS THE HARD WAY WHEN SOME WEIRD SENIOR BOY WALKED INTO MY ROOM DRUNK AT 3AM AND WOULDN’T LEAVE. also, you’ll make friends in the first week that you won’t necessarily want to be friends with later on, but they won’t get that message lol. again, lock your door (learned that the hard way, too)
-for future semesters, if you can’t get into a class right away it REALLY helps to email the professor!!! seriously, 9 times out of 10 they are more than happy to let an extra person in, because there are always students who drop the class within the first week or two. that’s how i got into astronomy my first semester, and i’m now a teacher’s assistant for it. so. really, it helps.
-the best way to be better friends with people is to just, get meals with them. honestly. make a group chat with some people and whenever ur getting dinner or lunch or whatever just throw out a ‘hey anyone wanna get food with me??’ text. 90% of the time someone will come with you.
-speaking of meals tho, ik this is the number 1 thing people tend to say, but it’s tRUE. nobody cares if you eat alone. it too me SO LONG to internalize this, but it’s totally fine to do!! it’s actually really nice sometimes, you can bring homework or your laptop and get some work done. it’s not even with meals, either! you can study alone! you can walk places alone! you can go to the gym alone! i was always terrified of being seen alone bc i thought people were gonna think i didn’t have friends or w/e dumb thing my anxiety had me feeling, (i still struggle with that lmao) but in reality you just look independent and cool!!! also, it helps to be content in the fact that you have friends and it doesn’t matter if people THINK you don’t.
-get a reusable water bottle. i got a plastic one for like 12 bucks, and i use it DAILY. if ur walking a lot, it helps keep you hydrated. also, it gives you something to do in class. also, you can personalize it with stickers and stuff (you can do the same with a laptop case). i p much take mine with me EVERYWHERE.
-this was also hard for me to internalize, but u gotta remember the fact that it’s okay not to be who u were in high school. like, i gave up some of the things i was into in high school in favor of some other things, and it took me awhile to figure out that i wasn’t like, betraying anyone, if that makes sense?? like, i started going to frat parties and actually having FUN at them??? (something i NEVER would have been into in high school, but here we are).
-also, grades are very different in college. i freaked out when i wasn’t getting a 4.0, because that’s who i was in high school, but then i kinda put it in perspective. i ended with a 3.67, which is still dean’s list. you’re not going to be perfect, bc chances are you ended up at a school with people on kinda equal intelligence levels as you. don’t freak out. 
okay that’s pretty much it!!! i can def come up with more stuff tailored to certain things/etc if you want me to talk more about this stuff!!! i love giving college advice and talking and helping people feel better about this whole thing bc i know it’s hard and scary
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snake-house · 7 years
Text
Tsukiyama Shuu X Muse!Reader - inspire.
Fashion Designer! Tsukiyama Shuu x Muse! Reader warnings: none really her/she pronouns used for reader when you see '--' it means some time has passed i use gender-neutral pronouns for kana btw OuO *this is a total au, everyone is human and alive and not dead ok, i just want them to be happy 。・゚゚*(>д<)*゚゚・。 _____ When you applied for the ad, this was not what you expected. All the ad said was 'Muse', and since you were a model you were used to posing for artists and art classes, both nude and clothed, this was definitely different. I mean, that was what first came to your mind at the title, 'Muse Wanted'. 
You did make sure you googled this 'Shuu Tsukiyama' before emailing in with your resume to know what you were getting yourself into. Apparently, he was a very well-known fashion designer. "Thank you for coming on such short notice, Mr. Tsukiyama will see you now."   You started following them down a long hallway past wall-less offices, looking into the windows as you passed by. "Just a tips for you before you go in there," They spoke, "Mr. Tsukiyama is rather flamboyant so don't be surprised, also he works well if you answer all his questions honestly. You will probably get the job, you are the only one who has inquired about the ad, so please don't even show up wearing brown and black, the man will surely have an aneurysm. Don't be shy, always keep your back straight, slouching annoys him, but that shouldn't be a problem with your background. Always wear heels, and you should be good. I read your resume, so I don't think you'll have a problem, but it is policy that I should tell you that you'll be asked to change in front of people." They gave you a bright smile, "Good luck, my name is Kanae von Rosewald by the way." Kanae opened the door, to you assumed, Mr. Tsukiyama's office and motioned for you to enter. "Mr. Tsukiyama, [Full Name] is here." And shut to door after you stepped into the office. Your eyes met a large room that was surprisingly organized despite everything going on. The large drawing table had scraps of fabrics thrown over the top, sketches piled on top of each other but seemed to go together. The desk also had different pieces of clothing, obviously prototypes by some of the frayed stitching. The man you assumed was 'Mr. Tsukiyama' was fiddling with a mannequin, pinning and unpinning a purple patterned fabric. You felt sorry for that mannequin. He turned towards you as you approached, giving you a once over before beaming, "Oh cherie you are gorgeous, you are perfect for the job!" You were different from what he expected when you emailed Kanae your resume, but it was a good different. You had a new face for the modeling world, and that was a very very good thing. "Uh, Thank you," You spoke. "Alright, you came just in time, strip and try this on." The man threw a silk-embroidered mermaid gown at you, that was surprisingly light you noticed when you caught the dress. "Um, Mr. Tsukiyama?" He gave you his attention when you said his name, "I still don't understand the job, Kanae didn't really give me a full explanation, you said you needed a 'muse' in the ad." You held the gown lightly, your fingers dancing over the expensive fabric. The taller man ran a hand through his hair and gave you a bright smile, "I'll give you the simplest terms of what is expected for you from this job!" He proclaimed, throwing his hands in the air now standing a mere two feet in front of you, looking down his nose at you, "I need you, Miss [Full Name] to simply wear anything I ask of you and inspire me, to be my muse!" His voice came off in a very sing-song tone, putting his hands on his hips, "Also down along the line I may ask you to attend events for my fashion lines with me and or walk in a few shows, that sort of thing." "So a living mannequin that can 'inspire' you?" You reworded. "Precisely! Now hurry and change." Doing just as your new boss said, you placed your bag on the floor by his desk, slipping off your shoes as well, and started taking off your clothes. You did this all the time, well, you were naked multiple time in front of people, but you rarely undressed in front of someone, but it didn't bother you. Plus Mr. Tsukiyama was looking for something on his desk. As you undressed, you folded your clothes and set them on top of your shoes and bag, "Mr. Tsukiyama? Do you want me bra or no bra?" You were now only in your underwear, holding up the dress, surprised that it actually looked your size. "No bra, it will ruin the construction of the dress to wear one." He said simply, grabbing a sketchbook and waiting for you to put on the garment. Nodding, you took of your bra and dropped down with your other clothes and stepped into the dress. Pulling it up, it was a little snug around your hips, but nothing to restrict your movements. Without having to be asked, Mr. Tsukiyama came over to zip up the back, "My, you look amazing in my dress, but who doesn't?" he laughed and went back behind his desk to retrieve a pair of black pumps. Right, you needed to wear heals. "I'm sorry, I was only told today before you saw me that I needed to wear heels." You apologized, taking the heels and slipping into them, using his arm for balance. When you were finished, he disregarded your comment with a hand apparently not worried about it and went to his desk and grabbed a sketchbook and sat down on top of his desk and looked over you. You smoothed down the silk over your stomach, the texture the elaborate embroidered pattern a nice touch you thought. His pencil scribbled a few things before crossing his legs and arms at you, "You have wide hips for a model, oui?" "That's correct." You agreed, he had a mirror by his drawing table, which you walked over to look at yourself. It really was a gorgeous gown, and it didn't look half bad on you, "How am I supposed to inspire you?" You inquired, turning back to face him only to see his head was down as his pencil flew across the paper. "You just walking around is fine," He spoke up, "You can look around, just getting a feel in my gown is good enough for me today." You did just as he suggested. You looked over his work on his drawing table, getting a better view, he was quite talented you remarked. The mannequin he was fiddling with when you walked in was the next thing you investigated. The purple fabric was a silk print, you had a feeling he like expensive fabric. "Do you mind if I talk while you sketch?" You asked, rubbing the purple silk between your fingers. "Not at all, please do actually!" He beamed, looking over at you, not surprised at your interest in the fabric since it has been his new obsession. "Ok, thank you." You paused for a moment before asking, "So what are you planning to do with this?" You looked over at him and held up a piece that wasn't pinned to the mannequin. Shuu looked up for a moment before going back to sketching, "I'm not too sure, I just fell in love with the pattern and color and just knew I had to make something out of it, even if it doesn't make it into my collection!" He chimed, hopping off the desk to join you by the mannequin, "But, what was intriguing me was starting a line of lingerie highlighting the color or pattern." You nodded, gazing over at him when he came over, "I think it's a good idea, it's new for you right? You do mainly gowns and high fashion, so personally I think it's a good idea. I've always admired designers and artists who step out of their comfort zones every once in a while." Shuu rubbed his chin and thought over your words, smiling as he spoke, "I appreciate the input, I'll certainly take them into consideration." He replied, "Now walk with me, I want to introduce you to the rest of my staff." The flamboyant man led you around his work place, introducing you to the designers and interns who worked beneath him, as well as the other secretary, Ken Kaneki, who you thought was definitely the glue to Tsukiyama at times. But all in all, everyone was very nice to you, and you thought it was actually going to be pleasant working as a 'muse' here. -- As the days working for Shuu progressed, you slowly adjusted to him and his style of work. You noticed he worked in bursts of effort, being broken up by frequent breaks to talk to you normally or to walk around the place. There was also the fact he had a weird attraction towards Kaneki, which you later learned from Kaneki himself that Shuu tried to make him his muse after he started working as a secretary, but obviously refused. It was odd really, how easy it was to adapt to the man. You usually didn't hang around people of his personality type, but here you were, being a muse and rather close friend to one. Shuu sometimes would have you accompany him to his boutiques around the place, even having to fly to New York with him for two days. It was exhausting, but a fun little adventure for you. And the pay was sickeningly well. You haven't been paid this much for any job you've ever done in you life. You are being paid so well by Tsukiyama that two months after working for him, you were able to move yourself into a bigger and nicer apartment that actually allowed you to have pets. Now you didn't have to keep you cat a secret. Life was starting to lighten up for you, and be something you liked waking up to. You enjoyed talking with Shuu, and everyone else of course, but especially him. It was kind of an attachment. He would make you strip and try on different clothing pieces every day, and wearing such expensive clothing and having real conversations with an equally expensive man was amazing. You didn't have many friends up until this point in your life. "[Name]?" Shuu called you from your thoughts, "Are you ok? You seem a little spaced today." He commented in a worried tone. You smiled at him and shook your head, "I'm fine, thank you, just a little stuck in the clouds lately, so nothing bad." You replied, standing up from where you sat in one of the chairs in his office. Today you were wearing one of his prototype wedding gowns, trying to create more wedding gowns to form a collection. It had lace sleeves and a high neck, contradicting the key-hole back of the dress that poofed out into a ball gown. It was a very princess-type dress. Shuu had also made sure you had your hair pinned out of your face today, "Are you sure? We can call it a day if you're unwell or just need a break. In three, almost four months, you've never had a sick day so I wouldn't hold it against you." Though it was scarring you how concerned he was for you, you brushed it off with another convincing half-smile, "Shuu," You hardly referred to him with his first name, "If I needed a break, I would let you know." You paused before playfully adding, "Do you need a break Mr. Tsukiyama?" The said man chuckled in front of you and set aside his sketchbook, "How about we go out for lunch?" He asked. "Sure, should I change? Or would you like me to show off your beautiful design Mr. Tsukiyama?" Tsukiyama knew there was something still on your mind, but since you were slowly starting to return to your same self, he would let you work through it until you wanted to tell him, if you wanted, "You can change if you'd like." He stood, "I'm going to go see if Kaneki or Kanae would like to join us." With that, he slipped out of his office. You changed out of the gown easily and changed into your clothes that were folded on his desk. You found Tsukiyama by the front desk talking with Kanae, who smiled as you approached. "Glad you are ready cherié!" Shuu beamed as you walked over, "Kanae isn't going to come with us, but we do have to pick them up something on the way back. But Kaneki is coming, and now we just have to wait for him." You nodded. "Alright, sounds good." Soon enough, the dark-haired boy arrived and the three of you headed out to some Italian bistro that Shuu said he's been 'dying' to try. Kaneki whispered he probably saw it on his was to work this morning. The bistro was only three blocks away, so you decided to walk. But as you guys chatted on your way to lunch, you started getting cat-called at. "Hey, nice ass sweetheart." A construction worked called out to you. You gritted your teeth before replying in a sickly sweet voice, "Why thank you asshole, why don't you shut the fuck up." Neither Shuu nor Kaneki have heard you curse before, so they were stunned for a moment, "Why don't you keep it on your pants before you embarrass yourself." You were going to flip him off as well, but you decided against it, thinking that would be a little too much. "Fucking bitch, just take the damn compliment." He seethed, but you didn't care. You were about to go off again, but Shuu surprised you by stopping you and speaking up himself, "I would appreciate it if you didn't talk to my girlfriend that way or you'll have a lawsuit on your doorstep tomorrow that you won't want to pay." It seemed like the man must have recognized Shuu from tv or something, because he paled and instantly apologized and went back to whatever he was doing. The three of you started walking to the restaurant, and didn't speak until you were seated. "I didn't know you were so well spoken [Name]." Kaneki complimented as he sipped his tea. You smiled, "Thank you, I've had my fair share of cat-calls in my days, so I have to have a defense ready." You looked over at Shuu, "And thank you for your help as well too Shuu." Shuu smiled at you, a nice smile actually, not one of those fake smiles he gave the press, "It's no problem [Name], anything for you, I don't ever want to hear someone talk to you like that ever again, so I will make it my mission to protect you!" He beamed, making you and Kaneki giggle at the claim. "I appreciate that, thank you, but really," You brushed some of your bangs out of your face, "It's not the first time, and it certainly will not be the last time so unless you plan to accompany me everywhere, you mission for protecting me may be a loss." Kaneki glanced at Shuu, you noticed the look and narrowed your eyes at the designer, something was up. 
"Well [Name] I guess you'll just really have to become my girlfriend so I can protect you properly." Shuu replied smoothly, holding his chin in his hand as he stared at you from across the table. 
Sure it wasn't the most romantic way you've been asked out before, but you've never blushed harder in your life. 
You averted your eyes and covered your mouth with you hand in effort to hid the blush, but you knew it was a loss. 
"Ah Tsukiyama, that's very nice of you!" Kaneki beamed, trying to help you out, but was failing. 
"R-Right..." You mumbled. 
"So [Name], what do you say? Will you inspire me outside of work and be my muse for every aspect of my life?" He asked, you could see the sparkle in his eye he got when an idea would hit him during your sketching sessions. 
Behind your hand you were grinning madly, it really was so sweet, "I would love to," Shuu beamed at you, "But I kind of really need this job, so if you can get me a new job, then I'll say yes." You tried to bargain. 
"Why would you need a new job?" Kaneki asked, genuinely confused by your statement. 
You sighed, "Because of if and when the media gets ahold of this and finds out that the internationally known designer Shuu Tsukiyama is dating one of his employees, they'll have a field day. And I couldn't do that to Mr. Tsukiyama." You explained. 
You expected Shuu to understand where you were coming from, but he just scoffed, "Then move in with me," He leaned towards you, "If it's financial reasons behind the publicity reasons, you can move in with me and I'll buy you everything you want, and you can still be my muse." 
He must have been feeling like this towards you for a while, because he was willing to bribe you into dating him. 
There was a not-so heavy silence in the air. 
"You'd do that for me?" You whispered. 
"Of course I would! In a heartbeat." Shuu assured you, and though Kaneki felt like the third wheel, he felt honored to witness something so sweet. 
You let yourself smile as you nodded, "Ok." It was short and simple, but everything Tsukiyama needed to hear. 
"Great! Call your landlord tomorrow, you'll move in as soon as possible." Shuu cheered and grasped your hands to place a dozen kiss on the backs, making you laugh. 
"Alright I'll do that, but I have a cat too, I hope that's ok." You commented. 
"Oui, perfectly fine with me." He said in the midst of his flurry of kisses. 
And to think you were astonished by finding your life wonderful for once by having people around you that you cared about. 
They cared more about you too than you originally thought. 
It gave you more hope to life because it seemed it was more amazing than meets the eye.
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sambashua · 8 years
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HOW SVT BE FAM
♥S-sa-say the name!!
So this is going to be the longest post in the history of mankind bc I go real deep w their personalities and stuff ahh also since I don’t personally know them ofc so this is all based on what I’ve seen from their shows and videos:)) THANKS FOR ASKING KAT I’M GONNA TURN YOU INTO A HARDCORE CARAT SOONER RATHER THAN LATER AHHH [sidenote i included my personal nicknames for them so u know who i’m talkin abt irl girl] I ALSO LINKED A BUNCH OF STUFF I RLLY WENT CRAZY
Choi Seungcheol aka S.coups (cheolie) - OKAY AH since he’s your bias I’ll write extra thingsssss!! The faithful general leader and rap boyyy scoops! So this lil bun I thought for a while when I first followed them like oh he’s probably the most normal like he’s level headed and stuff but NOPE NOPE NOPE! SEUNGCHEOL IS ACTUALLY THE BIGGEST CUTIE DORK IN THE WORLD he is afraid of like a lot of things which is too funny bc he’s acts all manly and all the members see him that way and I cannot believe~ like he’s afraid of killing fish and and fireworks and being in front of the camera alone and chopping firewood and doing something that doesn’t get a reaction?? Whenever he does any sort of charm he tells the members to be sure to have a good reaction and BOYY IF THEY DONT he goes off on them I stg… but in all seriousness he is so so so hardworking (he trained for 6 years oh my god) like he always tries to take pressure off his members and he cares for his babies so much and they even call him appa sometimes and they look up to him so much it is the cutest thing like they always rate him so high in looks and I cry love him plz. But he is an actual puppy like w his long eyelashes and pouty face like oh my god and he is getting cuter everyday???? Like actually tho he’s doing it on purpose and I can’t handle it?? When did he plan this I can’t believe how frickin cute he is being lately! He’s such a soft fluff and he’s always so strong for the other members and they look up to him so much and he is one of the best groups leaders I’ve ever seen just bc of how much they all respect and listen to him:)Yoon Jeonghan (hannie) - so this pos… jkjk (kinda) hannie is “svt’s angel” bc he was born on 1004 the pretty vocalist who everyone knows as the guy in seventeen w long hair SOOO the thing w hannie is he is like the most beautiful man in kpop like his face is so pretty and his features too like?? How?? He seems like he would be feminine but he is actually one of the most (if not the most) manly members of svt!! But he gets tired so fast tho he is rated #13 in stamina and they call him lying-jeonghan bc he’s always lying down lol. But oh my god he is such a piece of trash I cannot believeeeee on tumblr I have a tag dedicated to all the times hannie has been a piece of shit I’ll link it to you if you want but like he cheats and lies in EVERY GAME THEY HAVE EVER PLAYED NO JOKE and even if they’re not competing he is always the first to call someone out and he is just such a ho i die like he is not svt’s angel at all BUTTTTTTTT he is actually so hardworking like even if he’s tired they’ve said that he keeps practicing and ugh he’s good… he has dubbed himself mother of svt and generally everyone p much agrees w him! Hannie and seungcheol call the other members “kids” and it is the purest thingJoshua Hong/Hong Jisoo(kor) (shuaaa) - everyone kinda knows josh as the American gentleman w his sweet voice and sick English skills (side note whenever he speaks eng tho he always stutters and I’m like boy why but it’s super cute and ilh) and he can speak five languages (supposedly) he plays guitar and he’s rlly Christian too lol so he’s the resident “church oppa” as the kids say these days and he has a cute cartilage piercing w a cross aw (he also recently got his tragus pierced and damn it looks good but anyway) Also his peach hair was such a good time like wow. Shua seems rlly quiet and I mean he is but oh my god he is so fucking extra LIKE I DONT UNDERSTAND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE BECAME SO EXTRA IDK WAS HE ALWAYS THIS WAY BUT I DIDNT SEE PAST HIS CAT EYES AND SWEET VOICE LIKE WHO KNOWSSSS but he does this pin drop dance thing way too often but it’s hilarious and the members are obsessed w it bc he always says he has a hard time w dance and choreo and this is his only dance move (but tbh he’s actually p good at dancing like i never rlly notice he falls behind or anything except that one time performing pretty u where he started his part too early but that actually created a new part of the choreo they ended up using for a bit fun fact)… that and his samba aka my url sambashua (technically he doesn’t actually samba tho I’m p sure he’s doing the merengue but it’s okay shua I still love u) He’s also a fricking nerd for anime which is great i love it. Josh and Vernon are rlly close bc English buds and they’re the memeist together also him and jeonghan are a true ship bc they came to pledis at the same time and they’re cute
Wen Junhui/Moon Junhui(kor) aka Jun - so jun is ½ of china line and ¼ foreign line. A dancing noodle from southeast China wow (I say noodle bc he is a skinny bean and also v flexible bc he does martial arts things wow) he did Kung Fu in china for a long as heck time and does a lot of kicky things and flips and he’s super cool ALSO FUN FACT: HIS NAME IS JUN AND HE WAS BORN IN JUNE WOOHOO a lot of people assume he’s like sly/greasy but that’s mostly him in like interviewy shows?? But in reality shows and vlives he is actually just such a cute sweet bean and he loves the members so much! He was a child actor in china and was p famous I think for a while?? But he learned Korean p well before he joined pledis (their label btw idk if you know or not lol) BUT EVEN FROM DEBUT HIS PRONUNCIATION HAS KEPT IMPROVING IM SO PROUD a lot of people cal him the true visual of svt (tbh I don’t like that bc they’re all beautiful don’t put anyone down ah) BUT HE IS SO HANDSOME LIKE DAMN BOY HE’S GOT SUCH NICE FEATURES AND HE IS THE CUTEST BEAN IN THE WORLD Alsoooo several of the members have dubbed him svt’s mother bc he’s super encouraging and “endless positivity jun” and he pays special attention to minghao they have the purest friendship!! (plz give him lines)Kwon Soonyoung aka Hoshi (HOSH) - DANCE MASTER AND PERF TEAM LEADER OF SEVENTEEN LIKE OKAY ALL OF PERF TEAM IS SO TALENTED I CAN’T BELIEVE BUT SOONYOUNG IS SO INCREDIBLE HE CAN CREATE DANCES ANYTIME ANYWHERE AND HE EXECUTES THEM SO WELL?? His stage name Hoshi means star in Japanese bc he shines in stage! And he knows Japanese pretty well I don’t think he’s fluent but he cute cute cute!! Anyway people rec him to go on hit the stage (WHICH I AM SO HERE FOR (but also let him rest he needs a break dear god they all do)) he creates all of svt’s dances wow (w help from perf team ofc) but he is actually the squishiest sweetest boy off stage but then on stage he completely transforms into whatever concept like he can take on anything?? I would not have assumed dark concept would work for him BUT BOY HOWDY IT DOES he turns from adorable hamster to sexy dance god in .2 seconds i don’t understand how people who bias him survive tbh… He is also SHINee’s biggest fan oh my god and the fact that he now stands on the same stages as them literally blows his mind he is such a fanboy i love♥ HE CARES FOR HIS MEMBERS SO MUCH (I realize I’ve said this abt everyone but hey hey they have a lot of love) he wrote HIGHLIGHT as his first time ever helping produce/write lyrics and I’m so proud:D AND HIS VOICE HIS SO GOOD he’s just so bouncy and good and so attractive??? He goes by 10:10 bc his eyes are like the hands of a clock at 10:10 wowie and EYE SMILES FOR DAYS~ just a sweet lil bab w a pure heart honestlyJeon Wonwoo (wonu aka the loml) - goddammit I hate jeon wonwoo JKJK OKAY SO JEON WONWOO IS MY ULT BIAS IMMA DO MY BEST TO KEEP THIS CONCISE BUT IDK HOW IT’S GONNA GO I HAVE A LOT TO SAY! jeon frickin wonwoo has the deepest voice in svt and is known for his deep, smooth rap style wow (his rap style is really unique like if you listen to it it sort of ebbs and flows w the music and he drags out notes sometimes it’s so nice fuck) he sings all the time it’s so great and the members always ask him to read things bc (he’s good at reading generally and) he has his nice deep voice ahh~ JEON FRICKIN WONWOO IS THE BIGGEST DORK IN THE WHOLE WORLD jeon wonwoo enjoys making bad puns and reading books (esp romance ones I hate him). The other members act like they hate his jokes but they always laugh at what he says and when he was gone (rip he was sick for a couple months from end of may ish to july ish) they mentioned that they missed his dumb jokes (and so did I). He considers himself to be the best looking (what a ho) and he is naturally skinny which a lot of the members are jealous of (but tbh this could be partially because he has a lot of health issues and allergies I just want to care for him and make him food and feed him forever so he gets fat and happy help me) On one fine day he was dubbed the garden fairy and also jeon wonwoo bag of luck oh my god I am so embarrassed by him (jk I love him w the entirety of my heart in case you couldn’t tell) Some of my favorite things abt wonwoo are his little nose crinkles when he smiles and his glasses that look just so cute on him and when he wears big sweaters and then he has sweater paws and he looks so cuddly and soft. He is also so boastful like he is always the first one to support himself it’s so funny but he doesn’t exactly brag it’s more confidence idk but he’s also rlly smart and good at acrostic poems bc he reads so much:) He also always cheers for other members when they want him to i.e. seungkwan when he cheers for himself. He seems shy when he’s on talk shows but I think he just wants to let other people talk but on vlives he always whispers to other members aND I JUST WANT HIM TO SPEAK UP! JEON WONU TELL US WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY but in conclusion I am in love with him and would def recommend anyone to bias him bc honestly he is a good bias just bc he is chill and pure and funny and beautiful (even tho sometimes he’s MIA and quiet as heck pshhh)Lee Jihoon aka Woozi - vocal team leader and producer of p much all their lit ass tunes!! 10/10 MOST HARDWORKING MEMBER OUT OF SVT I’M SORRY IF YOU DISAGREE BUT JIHOON WORKS SO HARD ALL THE TIME I’M SO WORRIED FOR HIM HE NEEDS A BREAK!! It’s so heartbreaking tho if you ever want to cry and cough up your lungs bc of sobs then watch SVT Project where he talks abt how he feels so much pressure and feels like their success or failure is riding on him bc he writes all their music and will determine if they will be any good:(((( BUT OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE A BIG HIT BC JIHOONIE IS SUPER TALENTED AND MAKES THE BEST UPBEAT FUNKY FRESH POP TUNES OF THE CENTURY~ he is one of (if not the) shortest male idols at the moment at a staggering 165cm/5'4"! But it’s so great bc he doesn’t try to hide his heigh and he is considered and “inspiration to short men” according to one fashion report. The members always say he is rlly manly but on camera he acts cute and 10/10 appreciate it bc he is the cutest ever but only subtly… like he embarrassingly/shyly covers his face so cutely and gets angry so adorably where he just glares aw (he has also confirmed that he considers himself to be more cute than scary) woozi is a abbreviation of “our jihoon” which is the cutest asjkdhskl. He is also seventeen’s grandpa bc he is rlly not too hip at all but they try to help him out anyway! He also winks 24/7 lol. His voice is rlly clear and piercing like he often sings parts of the chorus and his voice draws you in idk it’s nice:) he trained for the second longest amount after scoops (5 years) so they’re super close bc they were together longer than the other membersLee Seokmin aka Dokyeom/DK - an actual ray of sunshine w the most incredible vocals like wow! He is svt’s “happy virus” and boy does he own it!! He is always smiling and laughing and making jokes he is the cutest I stg… He also has a more built figure physically and it’s hot as heck tbh. He, seungkwannie and soonyoung make up the “booseoksoon” trio which is basically the extra/mc/always laughing squad and they are such close friends it’s the cutest ever boo and hosh think he’s the funniest person in the world I love it!! Seokmin also puts a lot of pressure on himself bc he’s main vocal and I feel like he’s super underrated???? But he went on King of Masked Singer and I think he made it through two or three rounds? Anyway he did rlly rlly good (even tho honestly think he has way more potential than what he showed) and I hope it boosted his confidence bc he is incredible!! The judges assumed he was from an older group bc his voice was so mature eeeee!! HE IS SO LOUD OH MY GOD one time they said that the CEO could hear him practicing from the 4th floor while he was in the basement I- He is always the first person to make fun of himself and he doesn’t mind being the brunt of a joke as long as he gets people to laugh it’s adorable:)) He always brings up the mood and helps out the members whenever there is awkwardness w being filmed and such JUST SUPPORT THIS SUNNY BOY HE HAS SO MUCH LOVE AND JOY IN HIS HEART!!Kim Mingyu - the tallest bean on the block and svt’s “visual tree” at a staggering 190cm/6'1" (correct me if I’m wrong I didn’t look this up) but I’m p sure he has grown recently bc he is getting taller everyday I swear? He’s got some good rap mhmm~ But he is such a clumsy pup and the members always make fun of him but it’s okay bc he can take it (he has the best reaction so that’s why they do it) He is dropping things and tripping 25/8 and it’s the cutest thing! But “housewife ming” can legit do anything like he is a true man of many talents damn i.e. cooking, hairstyling, acting, cleaning… But he is so so pretty like who the heck allowed him to be this attractive?? Gyu goes from super visual savior to fluffy pup on the daily and it’s too much to handle… Idk he seems like he might be super cool and chic when you first see him but he is actually just a giggly fool always having a hard time… Mingyu is the only one in svt that I would call the “visual” (only bc he is officially the visual i think they are literally gorgeous okay!!) but he is actually rlly insecure abt it and only calls himself “aspiring visual” and it’s mostly bc of his dark complexion WHICH IS COMPLETELY FLAWLESS AND SO BEAUTIFUL STOP WHITEWASHING KIM MINGYU PLZ but i rlly commend him for being visual despite common opinions/standards on skin color in korea. A lot of people (okay most people) ship him and wonwoo (aka meanie) and I do too, don’t get me wrong, but my all time favorite ship is mingyu and minghao (aka gyuhao) bc same age, they act like they hate each other but are actually super supportive (one of my fave tropes blah) and idk they’re both just confused pups help me and w that transition…
Xu Minghao/Seo Myungho(kor) aka The8 (i never call him the8 ever srry b i don’t like it idk ah) - our “cool cutie” from northeast(i think) China with the most killer bboying skills i’ve ever seen in kpop! He now introduces himself as “The8 with infinite possibilities” and he has been growing more and more as an artist and a person I’m so proud of him!! He trained for the shortest amount of time (~1year+2months i believe) and he really struggled w Korean when he first started. Even after debut he was very quiet but he has been talking more and more lately and he has been doing so well!! Minghao is cute as heck but he is also (along w hannie) svt’s Resident Savage™ and the main usage of his Korean improvement has gone into calling out the other members w his incredible comebacks. Two of his favorite targets seem to be soonyoung and mingyu but he rlly doesn’t hold back on anyone (except maybe jun bc they are such good buddies bc china line and jun helps him w his korean asjkklfjls) But anyway he is an incredible dancer and singer and also rapper!! (give him more lines plz plz plz) vernon has been helping him w his korean rapping but he is already one lit mandarin rapper like damn… But minghao is the most supportive member of svt (hear me out) whenever they do broadcasts or radio shows minghao always gives thumbs ups/supportive smiles/high fives it is the purest thing and part of the reason I love him sm!!! He’s also super cuddly and is always touching/hugging the other members asjkltfasd. Sometimes he doesn’t quite understand a question and the other members help explain it to him it’s my favorite concept (it’s usually soonyoung or seungcheol but i’ve seen p much all of them do it) lately he has been getting more meme-y and idk how to feel but as long as he’s getting out of his comfort zone I am immensely proud of him:))
Boo Seungkwan (boo) - the other main vocal in svt and just generally the loudest and usually mc for the group. Boo has some of the most incredible vocals i’ve seen in my life and he sings probably my favorite cover duet of all time (the high note around 3:05 makes me emotional every time istg also their reactions are me) He’s so talented and his voice is so clear and nice and his RANGE! I could go on forever… To describe seungkwan in two words would be sweet and sassy… He is part of maknae/baby line but he’s always calling people out and bossing them around it’s hilarious. (he is generally hilarious tbh) Also he’s a huge volleyball program nerd it’s great (and possibly haikyuu!! but not confirmed) He’s commonly referred to as divaboo and the video just seungkwan things captures all his divaness perfectly 10/10 would rec! He’s also super english-y all the time probably bc he spends so much time w vernon which is great for us international fans whoop whoop. But back to him being sweet- even though he is definitely his own biggest fan (in the most adorable way omg) he is also svt’s biggest fan he always cheers on his members it’s so cute he’s so soft and good! He cares so much for the fans and he’s head of the Seventeen Fan Cafe (i think) and he’s great abt interacting w carats and all that fanservicey stuff:) He is also super underappreciated honestly support him bc he supports everyone else even tho he’s rlly insecure abt his looks and body even tho he is the most beautiful boo w THE BEST CHEEKBONES IN THE UNIVERSE HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE THINGS DAMN BOY
Hansol Vernon Chwe/Choi Hansol(kor) aka Vernon (bernonie) - One of the most well-known members of svt bc he’s half white and was also a child actor. He has some of the most lit raps tbh and i’m p sure every single one (or almost) has english in it lol. His mom is white and American and his dad is from Korea. Technically he was born in New York, USA BUT BUT BUT he moved to korea when he was five so he doesn’t remember it like at all and every host ever asks him abt it and he always has to say he is basically korean and JUST LET HIM LIVE but since his mom speaks english he is fluent in it (but he has said he is better at korean) He is super super visual and he gets more attractive every day like who the heckkk. Hansol is one of the more popular members so a lot of people would expect him to be outgoing (or even douchey bc he’s half white which is dumb yet it happens) but he is one of the quietest members and usually doesn’t speak up in interviews and such bc he’s kinda shy! BUT THIS DOES NOT I REPEAT DOES NOT MEAN HE IS NOT A MEME!! VERNON IS CONFIRMED THE MEMEIST MEMBER OF SVT ALONG W JOSHUA DON’T FIGHT ME. At this point he has even been dubbed “memesol” bc he makes the best reaction faces in recorded history dear god. He also finds literally everything so hilarious and definitely laughs the most whenever the other members do anything. But honestly he is a super cute, sweet pup who deserves a whole lotta love!! also kinda unrelated but one of my favorite posts of all time is dedicated to him i don’t even know…
Lee Chan aka Dino (MY SON) - I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START W THIS LIL BAB! Lee Chan is svt’s “small giant” maknae who is Michael Jackson’s #1 Fan™ and literal dancing machineeee! He has grown so much since debut i cannot believe and he is getting more confident MY BOY! Honestly his glow up should be some kinda world record bc oh my god it hasn’t even been two years?? AND HIS RAP HAS IMPROVED SO MUCH LIKE EVEN FROM JAM JAM TO OMG Vernon rapped most of jam jam but then in omg chan rapped all of it by himself!!!! ALSO EVEN FROM OMG TO HIGHLIGHT NOW HE TRANSITIONS FROM RAPPING STRAIGHT INTO SINGING WITH THE SAME BREATH I CANNOT BELIEVE!! But he is so creative and funny and full of energy!! He helps hoshi w most of the dances (i think he did most of the choreo for jam jam) and his stage name is dino bc when he steps on the stage he takes it over and becomes a big presence like a dinosaur which is so creative??? he also graduated high school a while back and then just too his entrance exams!! I’m so proud!! But he tries so hard to keep improving and he’s just so pure and has a complete heart of gold♥ He also aspires to be an mc and he works rlly hard to improve his skills on that front too! Chan is so incredibly talented, but again not a whole lot of people bias him which is crazy???? Bc he is so hansome and also my son?? also lowkey savage af But all the members love him a whole lot and he is their baby, even though he is now “an adult” but srry bun no one will probably ever stop calling him baby (esp jeonghan)
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angry--tiresia · 7 years
Text
Why I’m fucked up [part 1]
REBLOG WITH YOUR OWN ‘WHY I’M FUCKED UP’
YES THIS IS ME OVERSHARING
There’ll be 3 parts I think;
1) I always feel stupid
2) I always feel ugly
3) I always feel unwanted
So;
1) Me feeling stupid. In primary school I was bullied, nothing big, a beating here and there but mostly just threats and repeated public humiliation. This made me hate everything to do with school and I don’t think I ever studied for a single test, however it was a rich afrikaans school, and this is an incredibly important point, being in a good school makes it hard to do badly. So even though I did terribly in comparison to my classmates, compared to most people from worse schools I did great. That obviously didn’t matter and I was constantly laughed at for my marks. 
Then I decided to change environment to an artschool, started acting classes a week before the audition, and I got in. This school used to accept 10% of applicants based on their audition and every other person in my class had been acting for years and had usually starred in at least one piece of commercial media - I was totally out of my depth and had a lot to catch up, and was again, continually humiliated for my inability to just know what to do. But by the end of the four years I kind of knew what I was doing and it was acknowledged, but by then I’d had years of insecurity buidling up. 
Now this school was amazing for the arts, heck even Charlize Theron went there, but in every other aspect it was truly horrible, with teachers blatantly lying to students. For maths, I could count the number of problems we did in a year on one hand. I was best friends with someone who worked 8 hours every day, so they did well, but from primary school - [and an initial month or so in the begining of high school where no teacher would translate single words in test questions/content because I was learning the language] - I knew that I was too stupid to ever reach that point. So they too humiliated me nearly every day, sometimes with a bit of a crowd, for how stupid I was. In grades 10 and 11 my maths teacher called me in at least once a week to tell me that I really don’t have enough intelligence for pure mathematics, and I should rather do mathematical literacy.
But I wanted to become immortal, to get to a point where I was better than I am now, and to do that I’d have to do biology, at a good uni, so I needed maths, and in matric my dad finally convinced me to do some work and I ended up getting the second best marks in my class, with my best friend [whom I was obviously inferior to] got the best marks of anyone in years. 
So I got into a good uni for science. But I wanted to prove to everyone for once and for all that I wasn’t an idiot, so though I did biology I also did pure physics and pure maths. And here’s a part to understand, for the past five years I’d been taught crap for maths. And doing maths trains your brain to do maths, it trains you to think in a certain way, and not only was I in class with people that had come from schools that had reputations and were significantly better than mine. And not only that, but the vast, vast majority of them had taken subjects in high school that I had never heard of, ones that had covered essentially the entire first year of mathematics. Throughout this year I was repeatedly laughed at and called an idiot. And even my closest friends would make jokes, for years afterwards, about my stupidity, the only comfort for 3 years being from my best friend [and fp for those that understand bpd] ; “It’s not your fault you made friends with clever people”. 
In second year I decided to do physics instead of biology, but at that point the people in my class had again, done applied mathematics in first year, something that was not required but was assumed knowledge for physics, and again, I cannot emphasis enough, it trains their brains to solve that kind of problem, and be more malleable to learn solve those kinds of problems. Objectively at this point I was years and years behind everyone else. It was during this time that my best friend again made a joke that for some reason goes in the book of things that people have said that completely change the way I see the world, myself and the way I act - it was that moment that I was finally convinced that, yes, after almost 14 years of being told I was stupid on a near daily basis, that I was in fact stupid. Even before this, the opinions of people outside my field didn’t matter to me because all my degree was was a mask to hide my stupidity, and I knew fully that any of them could do everything a million times better. 
I have tried to fix this, but it’s impossible, I’m to this day seen to be the stupidest person in my friend group, most recently we were at a restaurant and someone made a comment of “who would be the most likely to invent teleportation” and everyone pointed at my best friend, [except said best friend who pointed at me, n’caaw]. Someone said “But [referring to me] has a degree in physics” To which the response obviously is “But [best friend] has the brain for it”. 
And my favorite thing is to hear people say “You shouldn’t care about what people think” when they’ve been showered with affirmation for years. The best I’ve gotten is my room mate saying “No, you’re not stupid”, in the same way you would tell a dog “Oh you’re a good boy” and my best friend [only in the past year and a bit] saying “I think you’re smart”. And my parents, and I can’t deny the solid base they gave me, but a solid base can only take you that far.
My second favourite thing to hear is, upon asking for help [which takes nth level courage btw] “I don’t know any better than you” when they’ve literally already made the most perfect decisions or answers for that exact question and you’re entirely lost cause you don’t have 4+ years of direct experience in that field/thing because this is the first time in your life you’re seeing it. 
And logically I can see why I feel the way I do. The moment I get good at something I drop it to throw myself into a field that I know nothing about. At the end of high school I auditioned for the new york film academy, and at the time they had no bursaries for South African kids, but they wanted me so badly they sent a million letters to a million sponsors to try get my tuition paid for, but my audition had been live and no bursary came. At the end of my physics degree I went to one of the professors that I thought wasn’t too horrible, and I pitched an idea to him about how to model the fundamental forces in a more unified manner, to which the response was ‘It sounds amazing and innovative, but I simply don’t know enough to be able to tell you anything more’, and had to send me to an expert in the field, who liked the idea enough to want to make me do a project that would lead into it for a masters project, unfortunately I couldn’t. Or my current supervisor, upon hearing my ideas on the possibilities of time travel offered to write me a recommendation letter to the most prestigious theoretical physics institute in the world.
But instead of pursuing any of that I’m throwing myself into software engineering, again, a field I know nothing about, where I will be laughed at and humiliated for not knowing.
And what’s shattering about it all is the way it changes the way I interact. Earlier this year a friend said “I’m going to see a Wagner opera - you’ve probably never heard of him” and instead of replying “No, actually I know Wagner’s work pretty intimately, I can’t agree with the directing style he pioneered, nor his style, however his concept of the ubermensch really inspired me for a while”, I said “yeah, I don’t know much. I think I might have heard his name before” Because, lets be real, they almost definitely know so much more than me. 
Or last year I was on set with friends and someone was constructing a grid and they simply wanted to know that if they had [say] 20 tiles and the grid had to be 4 tiles wide, how many layers deep the grid would be. They were 100% in arts and honestly didn’t know how to do it, and in front of a small group of people they asked me, as they knew I was a final year astrophysics - physics major. But in that moment I was too insecure to be able to lift my voice to divide 20 by 4. So I rather said “No, ask [this friend] they know better”
I’m terrified of giving my opinion because I know chances are that it’s wrong, because I’m stupid, and the person I’m telling will know better, and they will see my mistake, and they will make fun of me. AND  when I do gain the confidence to give my opinion, usually only to the people very closest to me, they will stop listening to me halfway through my sentence, and I would end it with “Oh, you’re right, no one cares”, and not a single person has ever noticed. Most notably [because I suffer from jealousy when it comes to this person] was when me and my best friend were out, but she was talking to this guy on her phone [someone I’m jealous of for the attention she gives him - I’ll get to his in the ‘unwanted’ section], and eventually she clearly felt bad for straight up ignoring me [lol this is actually seen as abuse towards people with bpd] she said that they were talking about the ethics of supporting a politician who’s personal life contradicts his policy - and, other than being totally jealous of the ability to have such a conversation - she asked for my opinion. So I gave my first point of his policy affecting more people than his personal life so I’d vote for them, to which she responded that ‘he can’t be trusted to stick to his policy if he doesn’t believe in it’. I was a full sentence into my reply when she looked down at her phone and started to message him, and it was just, once again, such a thorough “Lol your opinion doesn’t matter cause you’re stupid and who cares, but his on the other hand” As a safety check I again ended with “Oh yeah you don’t care” with no response. And this also, not from her spesifically, happens about once a week, perhaps once every two weeks, but if we’re going with this week I think we’re going on 3 already and it’s monday.
So, my final note is, why would I feel anything but stupid? On some logical level I want to say that I know I’m not stupid; but it never feels like that, and in addition to that, what evidence is there that I’m not stupid? There is literally none, and significant, 14+ years, worth of proof that I’m an idiot. 
Also sorry for grammar/spelling typos, I’m really tired. 
REBLOG WITH YOUR OWN ‘WHY I’M FUCKED UP’ 
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