#honestly this whole thing with the variety article too is really upsetting

[dramaticallychill]

the lack of coverage Nabiyah Be gets in contrast with the rest of the women from Daisy Jones and the Six is sinister

her character literally has a whole episode arc, and so much more screentime

she's incredibly talented and her parts in the show were the highlights

even the way the rest of the cast exclude her is extremely wicked, always talking about feminism and solidarity until it no longer suits them

[tommyspeakycap]

Can I request some chilly fluff? Anything really, just some cute sweet chilly fluff with a little bit of angst maybe?

of course! here's an idea that's been swimming around my brain all day lol

helping hand

ben isn't coping with his newest responsibility and his best friend comes to save the day once again

It's honestly less about the news than it is about the fact that you didn’t here it from him. Texts have gone mostly unanswered since you read that online article you first believed was false, only for it to be confirmed by him. You offered a congratulations despite the pain it brought to you to hear that you had completely lost your chance.

You had probably called him about a million times, each time ringing out and some even being hung up after merely a few rings.

At first, you worried that something had happened. Then you managed to wrangle the news out of Mason that everything was well, you let yourself have those days of utter heartbreak that he had found a girl, started to settle down and then completely cut you out of the picture. This was the first time in all of your 23 years that you hadn't been able to speak to him about things that were going on. He seemed to have completely fogotten about you and you couldn't bring yourself to think of a reason why.

She never really did like you, his girlfriend. You could only imagine it had something to do with the fact that Ben was incredibly close with you. A lot of girls had been unhappy with the fact that while dating Ben, they were subject to teasing that everyone was surprised he was dating when they had thought he was so clearly in love with you. You understand that, it would be irritating but nothing had ever happened between you and Ben that might suggest you would ever get together. People just love a rumour.

What had really hit you, however was seeing her from the Instagram you followed. She didn't even appear to be in London, never mind with him and that made no sense by the timeline you had managed to figure out.

That's how you found yourself standing at his door with what felt like a million bags and a feeling of hurt you had never actually had before. You cornered Mason, refusing to leave until he told you what the hell was going on and when he did, you were gone like a flash with a broken heart to seek out the man who needed you now more than he ever did.

Your heart shatters even more when you step into his house, pushing it open and pulling out the key he gave you a few months ago as you head carefully to the kitchen. You can hear him trying to talk, his voice strained and croaky as he attempts to speak over the sound of the screaming baby girl.

"Come on sweetheart," he begs, "Please take your bottle, I promise you're just tired."

His house is messier than you've ever seen it with gifts unopened, blankets and bottles, baby toys and clothes strewn around everywhere you could see.

You're quick and quiet to get to work clearing the place up, clean clothes being folded and sat in his clean laundry hamper while sorting the dirty things and shoving them into the washing machine by colour before tidying away all the blankets into the baby boxes he had set up in his front room. The infant upstairs screams the entire time you whiz around, throwing an entire bin bag worth of rubbish out of his kitchen before restocking all the shelves and his empty fridge with food for him and milk powder for the little girl. The pizza you shoved in the oven the second you arrived was finished after 15 minutes, so you plated that and left it on the kitchen island before you decided to make you presence known to him.

"Need a helping hand?"

His head whips around rapidly, instinctively tucking his daughter closer into his chest before he recognised your voice and turned his face back away from you. "You shouldn't be here, (y/n)." He mumbles, bouncing his legs to try and get that screeching to stop before he starts crying again himself.

How had everything ended up so messy? He found a girl that he thought he loved, he had his best friends and he had you. She got pregnant and he was ecstatic until she told him she wasn't interested in having a baby. It was too late to do anything about it, so she gave birth to that baby and legally signed over parental rights wholly and fully to a destroyed Ben. You, of course, had to find this out half from the tabloids and half from Mason. Ben was absolutely affronted. He was mortified. How had he gotten himself in this position?

You were the first and only person he wanted to tell. He was desperate to seek out your arms and have an absolute sob to you so you could help him fix this like you do with everything else, but he couldn't bring himself to face you. He cut you off slowly and carefully without even noticing himself because she had coaxed him into it. She played him like a fiddle, let him grow her platform and fund her lifestyle until she had everything she wanted from him and left him with something that was supposed to be theirs to love forever.

As if things couldn't get worse, from the moment he found out she was having a baby he had realised he didn't want kids or a life with anyone but you and now here he is, with a baby that has no mother and he had lost you. How could he just go back crying to you now after all the hurt he had caused you? What kind of person does that? He made this mess and it was his to clean up.

"Mason told me what happened. You can fight me all you want, Ben but I'm not going to go anywhere so you may as well just let me help." You say firmly, not inviting a single space for him to actually contest your words. His shoulder deflate even further than they already are as he finally turns to meet your eyes.

There's bags and dark circles beneath his with greasy, messy hair and a shirt he probably hadn't changed in longer than he should.

"I'm sorry." He croaks, clamping down on his lip with his teeth so he doesn't immediately burst out crying at the sight of you standing there in his house. God, he's missed you so much he couldn't even begin to put it into words and his emotions are so messed up from the lack of sleep that he'll cry at just about anything right now. "It's forgotten about. We don't have to talk about it, I'm here to help."

The weight that lifts off of Ben's shoulder is the kind of immense relief that only really you can bring to him, honestly. There are few people that he has ever met that can ease him like you can and knowing he doesn't have to explain this whole situation really is something he's so thankful for.

"This is Lilly," he says weakly, nodding his head down at her whining. You smile immediately and without thought, stepping forward to get a closer look at the small baby, only two weeks old and already giving her dad a run for his money. "Hello Lilly," you coo softly, raising your hand to stroke her cheek with your finger in the most gentle manner he's ever seen. "Can I? I feel like I've missed out on two weeks worth of aunt (y/n) cuddles."

He tries not to think much into the fact you refer to yourself as her aunt because if he lets enough thought onto it, he'll find himself breaking his heart over you all over again. Ben nods, passing her into your arms carefully.

"I'll feed her, I made some pizza for you so you should go eat." You hold our your hand to take the bottle from him, but he frowns. "I-" Ben stutters, "I don't want to just lump you with her, plus she's upset so I shouldn't leave her y'know? It's not fair on-"

"Go and eat Ben, and have a shower while you're at it. We'll be fine in here, I've babysat a million times before." You shrug, taking the bottle from him as you step further into the nursery instead of standing in the doorway cradling the still whimpering little girl in her pink onesie. "But I-"

"Go."

"I should-"

"Ben go, now."

Ben sighs in defeat and turns on his heel, the rumbling of his stomach finally giving him away as he realises just how hungry and smelly he actually is. No wonder the infant was crying in his hold.

He trudges downstairs, hearing the sounds of those winging dying down as he does, half expecting to walk into the messy swamp he had left when he went upstairs earlier this morning, only to see the whole bottom floor of the house was basically as spotless as it had been the day he moved in, bar the baby variety adjustments he had made to welcome the new arrival.

He makes a mental note to thank you more and do some grovelling and apologising later on. He knows he has to do it and he knows he'll explain in more detail what really happened probably later today, but for now he will scoff that pizza down his throat faster than he has ever consumed a meal in all of his life before raining the cupboards that he discovered you had stocked. He is reminded with every step he takes around his house that this is you, again, here holding him up when the world around him feels like its completely crumbled.

This is what you do, you keep him together, fix him up after the heartbreaks and breakups preparing him for the next girl who's pieces you'll have to pick up when they hurt him. This time he doesn't want another girl, he wants you. This time, the one time that he would be miles too late. He's got a baby now that he needs to focus on and he can't imagine that you're going to want an instant family even if you could really see past the fact he had ghosted you for nearly five straight months from the moment he found out his girlfriend was pregnant. He can't forgive himself, so how on earth would you?

If he would ask, you would tell him you already had. Seeing how hurt he was, how genuinely sorry things had ended dup like this with everyone in his life he was was enough for you. It was enough to cause you actual physical pain. You never could hold a grudge considering the situation he had ended up in.

Ben had never ever once in his life being more thankful for his shower. He’s also pretty sure he fell asleep against the wall with the heat of the shower steam loosening his muscles and the fatigue of barely an hours sleep catching up to him. He towel dries off his hair, letting the towel hang around his neck as he rubs it against his head while he pads along the soft carpet of his hallway from the bedroom to his beautifully done pink nursery where he hears no crying, at all.

But he does here soft talking.

“Giving your daddy a hard time eh, pretty girl.” You hum softly, slowly swaying from side to side. She lays in your arms, looking up at you and stealing every bit of your heart with her daddies eyes. “He deserves it a little, you know. Just ‘cause he done me out of some adorable baby cuddles y’know?” Ben can hear the teasing smile on your lips as he leans against the doorframe out of your sight, keeping quiet so as not to be detected. “But he’s a good man, sweet girl. One of the best, actually. And i know he’s already such a good daddy to you, he loves you so so much. Do you know that, eh?” You say quietly. Ben catches the sight of you swaying that amazed little baby who coos up at you, reaching for your finger to hold. “Mhm, and i love you too. You have no idea how loved you are.” That’s one thing Ben can agree on.

“And you might not know it now because you’re little, but i do know one thing for absolute certain; I’m always gonna be here for you, and for your daddy even if he’s as stubborn about it as they come. You’ve got to help me out though, eh sweet girl? Be good to that daddy of yours. Yeah, sleepy baby? Mhm, my sweet girl.” The way you hum, bouncing her carefully and swaying in just the right way for her to fall asleep in your arms. Ben watches you for only a minute more, softly singing a little lullaby to her that makes Ben’s heart swell to ache so much that he has to take a small little video before he heads off downstairs with one last look.

When you finally greet him downstairs with a tight hug that he sinks into immediately, resting his cheek on your shoulder as your hands massage your fingers through his freshly cleaned hairs as his arms hug around your waist. “I’ve missed you.” He admits, words muffled by your sweatshirt. The feeling of your fingers at the nape of his neck makes him hum in content and sink into you peacefully just like his baby daughter did not half an hour ago. You’re just perfect for them both in every way and there is not one bone in his body that doesn’t wish he had started his family with you.

But with that realisation comes one more; that he will not settle until he has given everything he has, tried with every morsel of him to earn your forgiveness. He might not of started his family with you, but he is damn determined to make you part of it.

[thevindicativevordan]

On Lois Lane

Figured it well past time I got to the matriarch of the Superfamily, especially since I already wrote about the other major "LL" in Superman's life.

Hardest part of writing about Lois is what more can be added that hasn't already been said? She's The Love Interest when it comes to female supporting characters, so iconic and successful that like Superman himself, she's inspired countless copycats: Iris West, Vicki Vale, the current video game version of MJ Watson, if your hero has a love interest who is a reporter, they're drawing on the archetype that Lois established. She was there from the very beginning, before there were Krypton, Smallville, the Kents, the Rogues, before Superman could even fly Lois was there.

And my God is she such a fantastic character in her own right.

Whereas Clark himself is pretty damn different if you compare and contrast his Golden Age incarnation with his modern incarnation, Golden Age Lois is pretty recognizable as Lois Lane. Feisty, independent, scornful of danger and of cowardice (especially in a "peer" like Clark), a bit in awe of Superman while also eager to press him for information about himself, willing to throw herself into danger if she can get that exclusive scoop. Her personality in the early comics is much more like her modern incarnation than the lovestruck wanna-be housewife she became in the Silver Age. Lois is one of the few characters who basically came into comics perfect from Day 1.

I love the Rucka idea that she somehow has everyone's number and can call up anyone from the lowliest criminal to the highest politicians. I like when writers show that she herself is able to wear a variety of disguises, something I'm sure she and Clark can bond over once he reveals his identity to her. And I love that she is basically waging a one-woman war against corruption and evil in Metropolis long before Superman shows up, something the Superman & Lois show highlighted.

It's easy to see why Clark would fall for her. Even putting aside that Lois is hot as hell, she's a great foil to him personality wise. They both are committed to rooting out social ills and taking the fight to crime and oppression wherever it rears it's head, from the Lexcorp boardroom, to the darkest underbelly of Metropolis. They both are kind and compassionate, but have explosive tempers if you piss them off. They both love to snark, although Lois has more bite whereas Clark is more deadpan.

The biggest contrast, and honestly the biggest turn on for Clark, is that Lois is free from doubt. Clark is constantly second-guessing himself, worrying about how others see him, worrying about whether he's making the right choices or if he's approaching his heroics/journalism the right way. Lois? Lois never second-guesses herself, never allows the doubts or opinions of others to affect her course in life. She knows her dad is disappointed and upset with her and she couldn't care less. She knows others think she's a bitch and that only amuses her. She's confident and self-reliant and those are attributes Clark wants desperately to posses himself. How could he not fall head over heels in love?

Why Lois would fall in love with Clark is a bit trickier. It's easy to see why she would love Superman, which is part of why Clark wants her to love the "whole" of him and not just the public persona. Superman is confident, Superman is powerful, Superman kicks ass, he's kind and intelligent, he's a huge celebrity, who wouldn't love him? Clark? Eh he's easy on the eyes but he doesn't really have much of a presence. That's how everyone else views Clark. Lois, I think, would start off viewing Clark as a dweeb who will be gone in a week, the big city too much for him. That he sticks around and toughs it out impresses her. That he manages to outscoop her multiple times infuriates and intrigues her. That he manages to live in Metropolis and see how rotten it can be beneath the shiny gilded exterior, yet doesn't lose his sense of optimism, his faith in other peoples inner goodness, his "naivety" so to speak? I think that's what would make her fall in love with him.

Lois is at heart a "cynical idealist" in my estimation. The cynical side is she's someone who will always fight for the truth, for justice, but I don't think she believes that peoples inherent goodness will win out in the end most of the time. She's seen how selfish people can be, how uncaring, and I think before Clark shows up there's a part of her that thinks she's just bashing her head against a wall trying to change things. The idealist part of her is that she will continue to bash her head against that wall of public indifference anyway. Lois will always fight even if nobody else will fight alongside her, she'll keep writing articles and investigating long after a lesser woman would give up, because it's the principles that matter damnit, even if only to her. That Clark is someone who will join her in that fight while still believing that the rest of the public can be swayed to join them is what I see as the reason why she finally gives him a chance, that optimism remaining in Clark is refreshing and uplifting to her. That he's also hot and can trade banter with her doesn't hurt his chances any.

Lois becoming a mom has been really interesting, even if I haven't always been wholly satisfied with how they've handled the relationship between her and Jon. I haven't seen enough of Lois traits in Jon to really buy him as her offspring, I hope that changes. While I'm not the biggest fan of Tom Taylor to put it mildly, I liked that he emphasized Lois' importance with regards to Jon becoming Superman in interview leading up to the first issue, and I hope we get lots of Lois/Jon interaction in Superman: Son of Kal-El that really flesh out their relationship. At the very least I want to see Jon get some of that Lois patented verbal bite to him.

One last thought with regards to Lois: how the hell was Tom King the first one to realize that Lois and Selina would immediately hit it off?

They're both so similar when you think about it: Brunettes who are willful and independent, who flaunt the rules to get what they want, who outright laugh when their male significant others try to order them around, yeah I totally can see the two of them becoming friends. I really hope that gets continued under someone else, since I don't think anyone other than King has really played with it, but I love the idea of Lois having a "gal pal" that's also caught up in the insanity of life with a superhero.

If not Selina I'd like to see Lois being shown to have a friendship with her copycats such as Vicki or Iris or the rest. Definitely with Cat (even though Cat Grant can drive her up the wall sometimes). More girls' nights out/double dates for Lois, that's all I'm saying.

[grapesodatozier]

cami... please post some wheelzier :( it cures my depression l read your stuff every day and ugh you write them so beautifully... l’m looking forward for more 🥺 smut fluff bdsm everything the whole shebang everything wheelzier you write is perfect. l love your writing forever and always, much love to u xx

thank you sm!! this is so sweet, i really appreciate it, ty!! 

the wheel has been spun and landed on fluff lol so here are some soft boyfriends!!

words: 2,077

read on ao3 or below!!

Richie loved pretty much everything about Mike Wheeler, but one thing he particularly appreciated right now was the fact that Mike was the heaviest sleeper he’d ever met. He loved it because it made surprising him that much easier. Richie had gotten home from his business trip a day earlier than planned, his flight coming in at a little before midnight. He swung by Mike’s favorite late night food joint on the way home and was looking forward to waking his boyfriend up with the smell of fried ravioli and a cookies and cream milkshake. 

He only sort of tried to be quiet as he came in, but he knew it would be enough, that Mike would stay asleep. And sure enough, Richie was able to take off his shoes and set his bags down and lock the front door of their apartment and still found Mike sound asleep once he got to the bedroom. However, as he got closer, he found something new: there was something soft and pink tucked under Mike’s chin. On closer inspection, Richie realized it was a plush pig. Richie’s heart flooded with adoration at the sight. That’s the cutest fucking thing, he thought to himself, I mean that’s just not fair. He set the food and drinks down on their dresser and pulled out his phone, crouching down to get a good angle. However, as he took the picture, the flash unexpectedly went off, waking Mike. “Hey, sleeping beauty,” Richie greeted with a kiss to Mike’s now furrowed brow. 

“Richie?” he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep and adorably disgruntled. “What time is it?”

“About one, I caught an early flight.” He caressed Mike’s face and smiled softly at the way Mike naturally nuzzled into it. “Can I turn on the lamp, baby?” Mike nodded, his eyes scrunching shut as Richie let the soft, warm light illuminate them.

“Why’d you take a picture of me?” Mike asked, rubbing his eyes open.

“Because you’re the absolute cutest thing in the world, obviously! Although I’ve gotta say, it makes me a little jealous to see you cuddled up to someone that isn’t me.” He lightly tugged at one of the ears of the pig Mike was still clutching. 

Mike seemed to just then realize what was in his arms. He buried his face in his pillow and let out a muffled, “Fuck off.”

Richie chuckled and carded his fingers through Mike’s hair. “Aw, I’m sorry for waking you up, grumpy puss. Will you forgive me if I feed you some fried ravioli?” Mike peeked up from his pillow. Richie could tell that was a yes, so he beamed and kissed the top of Mike’s head before jumping up to get the food. Mike stretched a bit as he sat up. Richie held the bag and the shake out to him, but he just wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist, rested his head against his chest.

“I missed you,” Mike said softly into Richie’s shirt.

“I missed you so much, angel.” Richie set the shake down on the nightstand and the bag on the bed so he could stroke Mike’s hair. It was soft and sleep tousled. “You make me such a softie, you know that? Completely ruining my bad boy rep.”

Mike kissed his stomach and grinned up at him, his eyes soft and sleepy. “Yes, because your neon wardrobe really screams ‘trouble,’” he teased. 

“Aw, you love it,” Richie winked. He shimmied out of his jeans and fell into bed next to Mike, pulling him into him for a proper kiss. He hummed contentedly, tension he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in flowing out of his body as Mike’s soft lips pressed against his own. “And I love you, so much.”

“I love you, too.” Mike grinned and rested his head on Richie’s shoulder. 

As Mike rummaged around for his food, Richie reached beyond him and picked up the stuffed animal, settling it in his lap. “So, you gonna introduce me to your little bedfellow?”

Mike bristled. “It doesn’t have a name.”

Richie gasped in mock horror. “You’re sleeping with him and you don’t even know his name?” 

That made Mike smile a bit, but he still buried his face in Richie’s shoulder, hiding his pink cheeks. “Stop being an asshole,” he muttered, stuffing a ravioli in his mouth. “I know it’s stupid, but… I don’t know, I missed you. And it helps, makes me a little less sad.”

“Hey,” Richie said softly, serious now. He shifted, gently lifted Mike’s chin so he met his eyes. “I don’t think it’s dumb. I think it’s precious.” He pressed a meaningful kiss to Mike’s lips. “And I missed you, too. God, all I could think about all week was getting to hold you again.” He regarded the toy pig again. “Honestly, you’re smart. I could’ve used one of these in that bland ass hotel room. A whole queen all to myself, and no cute cuddle buddy to share it with.” Mike rolled his eyes as Richie kissed the top of the pig’s head, but he was grinning. Richie wanted to get that grin to a giggle, so he turned to face the pig. “Say, Mr. Pig, did you keep my baby nice and warm and safe for me?” He donned a new Voice, some horrible cross between Miss Piggy and Porky Pig, and mimicked a response: “Oh, yes, Mr. Richie, I kept Mikey nice and comfortable, very happy!” He threw a wink at Mike, who shoved him over and grabbed his milkshake. 

“God, that’s so weird, don’t do that,” he giggled as he sipped his shake. When Richie started up with the voice and the lewd jokes again, Mike took the plush from his hands and tossed it toward the closet. “I’m gonna have to throw him away if you keep doing that creepy voice.” 

Richie chuckled and draped himself over Mike’s lap. “I’ll pay for a new one if it comes to that.” He grinned up at Mike, but he was looking away, and there was a subtle redness in his cheeks. Richie reached up to poke his cheek, but Mike shrugged him off, his eyes distant and clouded. Now genuinely concerned, Richie sat up. “Mikey?” he said softly, trying to catch his gaze. Mike’s eyes dropped to his lap, and he shifted, embarrassed to have been caught - which Richie thought was cute, given that Mike was notoriously awful at hiding his feelings. “Baby, what’s wrong?” Richie moved his hand over Mike’s, and Mike let him rub soothing circles into his skin. Mike gave a nearly imperceptible shrug, not ready to talk yet. Richie learned quickly when they had started dating that Mike took a bit of time to find the words to express himself when he got upset. So he helped him find them. “Is this about the plushie?” he asked. Mike hesitated before giving a small, quick nod. His chin tucked further into his chest. “Did you not want me to see that?”

Mike sighed and shook his head a bit. “I know I shouldn’t hide things from you, and it’s not that I didn’t want you to find out or anything… I don’t know. I guess I’m just embarrassed. It feels dumb to be an adult and need a stuffed animal.”

“Would you think I was dumb if I needed a stuffed animal?” Richie gasped.

“Depends what animal,” Mike said with a playful smirk. 

“Noted.” 

Mike sighed and fell back against the headboard. He was playing with Richie’s fingers now. “No, I guess I wouldn’t think it was dumb if you did it. Or, like, anyone else really. But it feels dumb when it’s me.” 

“Nothing’s dumb when it’s you,” Richie grinned as he kissed Mike’s cheek. “You’ve never done anything embarrassing in your entire life.”

Mike rolled his eyes and shook his head, but he was smiling.

Richie cradled Mike’s face in his hands, relieved when he met his gaze. “I’m sorry if I was kind of a dick about it. I really do think it’s cute and smart.” Richie kissed his nose. “Just like this cutie right here.”

Mike kissed him and smiled softly. “Feed me my ravioli and we’ll be even.”

——

A few days had passed since the pig incident, and Richie hadn’t seen Mike with it once. Knowing words weren’t always the way with Mike, Richie took an afternoon to see what he could find at the mall. It only took about an hour to feel satisfied with what he had found.

He got home before Mike and made his way into the bedroom. Carefully, he lined the newly bought stuffed animals along the bed against the headboard. He had a seal, a dolphin, a shark, a lamb, a giraffe, an alligator, a dragon, and even a manatee. In the middle, he placed Mike’s pig, which he found in the closet. Just as he was admiring his work, he heard the front door open. “Richie?” he heard Mike call.

“In the bedroom, honey!” he called back, his voice shining as he jumped back onto the bed. He was just finishing getting settled in a pose when Mike walked in, taking in the scene in front of him. He gave Richie a longsuffering look.

“Are you serious?” Mike asked, a reluctant smile dancing around the corner of his lips.

Richie grinned, proud of himself, and shrugged. “Thought you might want some variety. Plus, I wanted some for myself.”

“Oh yeah?” Mike asked, smiling as he fell into Richie’s outstretched arms. “Which ones are yours?”

Richie pressed a lasting kiss to Mike’s lips. “Well I definitely want the manatee.” Mike giggled and kissed Richie again before burying his face in Richie’s shoulder. Richie held him close, pressing kisses to his hair. “And the dragon’s yours because you’re a nerd.”

“Don’t pretend dragons aren’t cool,” he grinned into Richie’s skin, peeking up at him a bit.

“You’re right. They’re super cool and badass, and he can protect my precious prince for me when I’m gone.” That earned him a light smack on the chest, and Mike hid his face again. Richie felt Mike hold him tighter. “You know, I did some research, and it’s actually good for you to have stuffed animals, even as an adult. It helps with loneliness and all that. There are a ton of papers and articles on it, super scientific shit.”

Mike slowly sat up. “You did research?”

Richie smirked at the familiar look in his boyfriend’s eyes; of course research would turn Mike on. Fuckin’ nerd, Richie thought fondly. “Oh yeah, baby. I researched hard.” Mike beamed and grabbed Richie’s face, kissing him heatedly. They were both smiling into it, and Richie happily wrapped his arms around Mike’s waist, pulling him in, holding him tight. Mike straddled Richie’s hips, pressing himself closer to him. “Woah, okay,” Richie chuckled when Mike rolled his hips, “not in front of the children.” Mike smiled fondly down at him as he nodded toward the stuffed animals. Richie leaned into his touch as Mike began running his fingers gently through Richie’s hair.

“I can’t believe you bought me a fucking zoo,” Mike said, running his fingers over the soft material of the dolphin.

“Aw, you love when I spoil you.” Richie pressed a trail of soft kisses over Mike’s jaw and neck, making him sigh in his lap. Richie loved this, loved how soft his skin felt under his lips, loved the way he could feel Mike relax in his arms. He began absently fiddling with the collar of Richie’s shirt.

“Yeah,” he agreed softly. “This is… I mean, I don’t know, I’m still kind of embarrassed honestly, but this… it helps. It makes it feel a little less stupid. So, thanks.” Richie pulled back to give him a soft smile. Mike’s eyes darted a bit before he met Richie’s gaze and told him, in that soft voice that always made Richie melt, “I really appreciate it.” The sincerity in his voice would never stop taking Richie’s breath away. He leaned his forehead against Mike’s and nuzzled his nose against Mike’s.

“Anything for you,” he grinned with a peck to Mike’s lips.

“Anything?” Mike asked, mischief laced through his voice.

“You got something in mind?”

“Yeah, actually, I’m also gonna need you to say ‘I did some research’ again, but slower this time.”

Richie chuckled and flipped them over so that he could attack Mike’s cheeks with kisses.

permatag: @clouded-eyes-and-salty-tears @reddie4thesinbin @deadlighturis @constantreaderfool @reddieloserz @jessicaheartsderry @vegetarian-avocado @tinyarmedtrex @sml1104 @reddie-for-anything@itfandomprompts

[timeisacephalopod]

Famine

Have some more of that Tony/ Stephen/ Peter YouTube AU for reasons lol.

“Wong is dead to me,” Stephen says and Peter rolls his eyes.

“He can’t be dead to you, we don’t know how to cook and he’s good,” he tells Stephen. “Also dead to you doesn’t mean dead to the rest of us. I still like Wong. Please come back from Nepal,” he says to the camera, almost pleading really.

Tony sighs. “We ran out of food three days ago and I feel like we’re living in a Mad Max dystopia type world where Stephen is Immortan Joe except instead of withholding water from us he tries to feed us his cooking as torture.”

Stephen gives him an offended look but he shouldn’t. Tony has never met a steak he won’t eat, he doesn’t even care if its shitty its good enough for him. Unless Stephen is the one who cooked it, then he’d rather risk chewing on a lion’s ass for sustenance.

“God, it is a dystopia over here. Wong, if you’re watching, please save us from Stephen and his attempts to cook,” Peter says, looking upset.

*

“That’s dumb, we’re not talking about that,” Peter mumbles.

“It was cute,” Tony says.

“No it wasn’t, but your discomfort with the subject is enough for me to remain interested,” Stephen tells him.

Peter gives him a dirty look, “oh fuck off, man. Why are you like this?”

Stephen shrugs delicately, “I’m sure I have no idea what you mean,” he says, nose in the air.

“Do so. But the point here is that you totally called mini Peter your son and that’s adorable,” Tony says.

“When did this even happen?” Stephen asks and honestly only he could live under a rock so much that he missed the entire social media frenzy about it. Buzzfeed wrote like five articles and Tony has to commend the company for managing to squeeze that much content out of a single line Peter said.

Tony looks over to Peter and he rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed but he goes with it. Probably because he’s mostly only fake annoyed. “I was doing an interview and the guy was a dick and he went to say some asshole shit about Peter, of the mini variety, so I uh...” he trails off and Tony rolls his eyes.

Of course he stops there. “So he snapped at the guy and told him not to talk about his son like that,” Tony says. “Which is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen.”

Stephen squints, “why do you like children and parent child bonds so much when you had horrible parents?” he asks. Peter smacks him for being an insensitive prick but Stephen ignores it, giving him a dirty look before turning back to Tony. “I’m just saying, children are messy, vial little beasts who scream and are more trouble than they’re worth. Especially with those insane disease spreading soccer moms who think their two hour YouTube search makes them more of an expert on vaccines than doctors and if you insist on turning your child into a biological weapon of warfare you keep that thing far away from society or vaccinate it,” he says, arms crossed in anger.

They pause for a beat and Tony sighs. “Children are not vial little beasts Stephen, they’re just little people.”

“No, little people have dwarfism. Children are the modern day rats.”

“That’s not fair to the kids Stephen, their parents are the rats, the kids are just the carriers,” Peter says.

Tony squints at him, “that’s the problem you found with that statement?”

Stephen considers him for a moment and sighs. “Fine, children aren’t the worst. That goes to idiot adults with no medical degrees and such a flimsy understanding of science that I’m surprised they aren’t flat earthers too.”

“Oh for gods sake how can anyone in this century be so fucking stupid! We have pictures of the earth from space! What more evidence do you need? And these morons, talking about how you can’t see the curve just looking at the earth- do you know how big this god damn planet is? Of course you can’t see the fucking curve-”

Peter cuts him off before he gets going, which might be for the best. “Yeah, can’t believe I’m saying this but uh. Back to me calling mini Peter my son,” he says somewhat awkwardly. “Before you two go off and bring up science shit only you and three other people know about.”

Tony opens his mouth to dispute that, considers, and then sighs. “Okay yeah, academia is a small world. There are definitely fields of study where its only five people yelling at each other. Anyway, children are not modern day rats that’s dehumanizing, flat earthers need to be shot to also round Mars, and Peter. Explain why you called other Peter your son. Because I’m curious.”

“I’m not,” Stephen says.

“Well no one asked your opinion,” Tony mumbles.

“I’m a third of this show so yes actually, you did. And children are absolutely modern day rats. Except the rats might actually be cleaner. We’ve seen the video of that rat showering and it probably scrubs better than any child washing their hands,” he says, nose wrinkled.

“I can see how much you want to dispute that but Tony you were a kid, I was a kid, Stephen was also a kid but probably a weirdly clean one- we all know how fucking gross we were. I don’t think I washed my hands after going to the bathroom till I was like seventeen,” he says and Stephen wrinkles his nose so hard his entire face wrinkles up as he leans heavily into Tony.

“I lied, its not children spreading disease like vermin, its people like you,” he says.

Peter rolls his eyes, “I obviously figured out washing my hands,” he says. “You’re being dramatic.”

Tony shakes his head, “oh he so isn’t. That’s disgusting, shit fingers.”

Stephen snorts and tries to avoid laughing but mostly fails at it. Peter squints, “dude, if I got actual ass shit on my hands obviously I washed them, I wasn’t out there with skid marks on my palms, Jesus.”

“Okay shit fingers,” Stephen says, causing him and Tony to start laughing.

“You know what, fuck you guys I’m going my son figure after this because he’s better than you two,” Peter mumbles.

“He won’t return your calls once he knows you’re obviously one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Hello, pestilence,” Stephen says.

“Oh give me a break, that’s total bullshit. Okay, you know what,” Peter says after a slight pause. “No, I will be pestilence and Stephen can be war because he can’t ever keep his god damn gate shut and has to start something about anything and he’s damn dramatic out of it too. Only war would consider haunting his roommate out of an apartment instead of moving like a normal person,” he says, nose in the air.

“What’s that make Tony then? Wouldn’t he be war?” Stephen asks and Tony rolls his eyes.

“No dipstick, I’d be death. You know, like the Merchant of Death,” he says, reminding Stephen of his past nickname. Absolutely not a point in his life that he’s proud of.

Stephen frowns. “Who’s famine?”

“Wong, because he left us here with your shit cooking, which you’re clearly using to try and starve us into war,” Peter tells him.

God, Tony didn’t think he’d ever find one person more dramatic than him let alone too. How does Rhodey deal with them all in a room? How does Pepper? “Peter Parker being your son,” Tony reminds them all, wrangling. Damn this is a wayward episode.

Peter sighs, “what? I like him. I don’t see why that needs further explanation.”

“I like Stephen, doesn’t mean I see him as my son,” Tony points out.

“I wouldn’t mind if you were my daddy,” Stephen has the gall to say with a straight face. Tony doesn’t even respond, he picks himself up and leaves the room without a word. “What was that for?” Stephen asks Peter.

“You brought up daddy kink to someone with daddy issues? The hell is wrong with you?” Peter asks.

“And here I thought the two of you wanted father figures,” Stephen says. “I’m also happy to play the role of daddy too,” he adds.

Poor Peter, he makes a gagging noise and flees the scene immediately. Stephen sits perched on the couch looking pleased with himself because he’s a bastard.

*

Tony sits in Peter’s lap with a back scratcher pointed at Stephen to keep him on the other end of the couch where he belongs. “We’ve decided,” Peter says, “that without Wong you’re not worth it. You try and kill us with food, you’re mean, and you brought up daddy kink. Actually, I think we’re just going to replace you with Wong.”

“He’s nice, and he knows how to cook, and he doesn’t bring up daddy kink,” Tony says. “All the things we need out of a person. And he’s funny,” he adds.

Stephen rolls his eyes. “You two are not ditching me for Wong,” he says, rolling his eyes.

Peter and Tony exchange a look. “Actually yeah, we are. We like Wong better.”

“Also, Wong isn’t disgustingly dirty. You think Peter is pestilence with your dirty ass habits? Fat chance,” Tony tells him. God they had no idea how much Wong did for them. The man is a blessing from a god Tony doesn’t even believe in.

“Hey, yeah, side note. When the hell did Wong move in with us?” Peter asks.

“Who cares, we’ve never encountered wet dirty underwear on a pillow until now  so we should just count Wong as a blessing,” Tony says.

“If you’re implying that I wet myself I most certainly did not,” Stephen says, irritated.

“Since you had just showered I assumed that wasn't the case, given that the whole bathroom turns into fucking water world whenever you’re in there. But thanks for that not at all reassuring statement, Stephen.”

“I didn’t know he managed to get water on the ceiling until now. Wong, please come back,” Peter pleads.

*

Gamora frowns, “you just left the guy there?” she asks.

“Look Gamora, he brought up daddy kink. He did this to himself,” Peter points out. “Plus the shoot isn’t that extensive. Couple days, he can suffer for that long.” Shorts aren’t that hard and he’s not even out of the city even if he totally didn't get permission to film in Central Park so he’s going to have to watch for cops and shit. But that seemed like work and its like, a two minute scene. They can do that fast probably. Like, not with lighting but whatever. Rocket can make it work in post.

“Where’s Tony?” she asks, predicting correctly that Tony’s also out of town.

“I think he went to Nepal to go get Wong back.” Peter hopes he succeeds because he is a savior in the dark and they haven’t been giving him enough credit. Or any credit, and that’s terrible. Wong needs to know that fifty percent of their love for Stephen was actually for him.

Gamora rolls her eyes. “I don’t get you three,” she mumbles.

[thedogsled]

Hi guys. I’m going to cautiously title this ‘About Zimbio, Destiel, my personal struggle with the idea of wlw vs. mlm, and why what we achieved in the vote today says a lot about our magnificent fandom’. 

This is a reminder in advance that I make generalizations but I don’t mean any harm by them. I’m happy to discuss this topic and capitulate on some things, because my experience of shows is extremely limited right now (unless I want to watch them in French). Just like Dean I say ‘we’ a lot but please assume sometimes I mean ‘I’, I by no means make any claim to speak for all of the following groups at any point: bisexuals, mlm shippers, wlw shippers, television executives, social media marketers, the mainstream audience, destiel shippers--etc, etc, you get the drift.) If any of the following upsets you, please let me know, it’s not my intent to cause any harm, only reassure my friends that they did a good job.

I promised I was going to write a post on this, because I’ve seen just a little mumbling and unhappiness that Destiel didn’t make it through in the semis. I get it, it’s only natural that it’s going to lead to some hurt feelings, but I wanted to really put across to you all why I say I was proud of us for our semi-final performance, rather than you just take it for granted.

We are an old fandom. Thirteen years is a long time; it makes Supernatural the longest single run fantasy/sci fi series on American TV (and I mean I think it’s unfair to compare it to non American shows like Doctor Who anyway just on pure numbers, especially since Who has gone through thirteen fourteen? fifteen? are we counting radio drama? actors in the lead role; it’s like a different show every time.) So. It’s had a superb run. Fantasy/sci fi shows are typically considered to be niche, not massive hits (comparatively speaking; SPN isn’t Grey’s Anatomy or NCIS I’ll grant). But what networks are finally waking up to is the power of the fandom of those ‘niche’ shows, dedicated viewing power which can grow a network’s brand, particularly online, and networks are eager to wrangle that.

This modern era of television is fandom’s era of television. Netflix are promoting gamification of television watching (even for kids) as well as choose your own adventure style TV. Binging and rewatching box sets is a whole thing now, not just the domain of the “geek”, and shows which can convince people to stick around and watch something instead of moving on when they run out of material--they’re the ones gaining success, while traditional shows slip further and further as they fail to capture new demographics. We’re making strong social media contracts with the creators and actors of our shows, and making it clear to them - in a way that is increasingly being recognized for the opportunity it represents - that there must be give and take with modern audiences, especially if you seek gratification through social media. (I read a great article I reblogged that called it the ‘Brandom’ effect.)

It’s wonderful, and it’s terrifying, because both fans and creators don’t know what to do with it. They can give fans too much power and the show goes off the rails, or deny it to them entirely, and earn only vitriol. Some shows rub their power right in the face of their fans and increasingly they pay for it. Some showrunners are outright incapable of talking to their fans at all without being respectful (I’m looking at you The 100), and some fans are ghastly, aggressive and outright disrespectful in pursuing what they want (it is a different thing showing joy over your ship as it is to dox actors and send their wives hate mail). Some showrunners, instead, are more embracing of their fans, like the Earpers, and if you want an idea of how actors should be engaging with fans, check out David Haydn Jones’ twitter. That man is a saint. It’s a delicate game of mutual respect, and occasional drama, and intent is the name of the game: do you have good intent, is it honest? People crave honesty on the internet where everything and everyone is fake--and that honestly is a tough thing to achieve when studios are too heavily concentrating on their bottom line.

So, this is a changing landscape, like I said, and people are struggling with new marketing techniques, trying to find their place in the world, running into walls when they realize that in fact they don’t understand their queer audience members. When something works, shows are very quick to jump right into it, almost relieved to have evidence that if they do X thing, their fans won’t all jump ship in horror, but here’s the thing, networks are in a lot of ways far slower to respond than shows. If you want to do something, you have to prove to the person holding the purse strings that it’s a profitable endeavor. Producers are set in their ways, especially old school producers, not realizing how quickly the landscape is changing, and writers are fighting against that all the time, because they’re often a lot more in touch with the creative fandoms they’re trying to inspire. Many have come from fandoms themselves. Queer writers should mean more queer storylines, right? But it means fighting money men to make it happen. Oftentimes that leads to the whole ‘one queer ship is enough’ standpoint, and when it comes down to it, those money men are more likely to put stock in safe investments, in proven investments. Consequently, wlw is flourishing because it draws in audiences without losing them. It’s arguably less risky to make Alex Danvers gay than Castiel. It’s more PC, accepted by wider audiences, groundwork laid by Dark Angel and Buffy in my own recent memory. When good results come from featuring those kinds of ships, they appear increasingly on TV, and it’s AWESOME. There were 16 wlw ships in Zimbio March Madness, and 11 of them got through all the way to 8vs8. There were only 2 mlm ships in 8vs8, and 3 het ships. Internet fandom, passionate and social and dedicated? It speaks, and it says ‘More LGBT rep please’.

We’re in a transitional period. Changes are coming, but when you look at the big mlm ships of the last few years, you can see the uphill climb that’s still ahead of us. I spoke with our Hannigram and Johnlock friends last year about what their experience with this was like. (I haven’t spoken to Sterek folks, but I know there’s disappointment from that front too). Johnlock shippers are largely furious about how explicitly the finale no-homoed their ship when there was absolutely no reason to. Having watched the finale myself, I feel like they really went hard against shippers explicitly. Hannigram suffered too. I haven’t finished S3 even now, but what I recall of the conversation went like this: they’re together, but there was a kiss that didn’t make it to air, and then the show was cancelled. In any case, what I’m saying right here is that this is part of a pattern, a theme I’m struggling with, where mlm fans are dispirited and disappointed and feeling disrespected by the very mainstream shows they’re watching.

(Which isn’t, I’ll quickly note, that I’m saying the same isn’t true of wlw audiences. The last two ships in Zimbio this year are non canon ships, and the fans of both have been hurt by the shows they watch, but they still keep coming back and watching the show. Swanqueen is ending, but the pair have been consistently mirrored - dark and light - with the emotional journey of the show largely being made over the shared custody? I don’t know, they changed it every week while I was watching it of Emma’s son. Supercorp is clearly full of eye sex thanks to the actress’ chemistry (and McGrath is so gorgeous she’d have chemistry with a brick wall) and yet has been outright mocked by the show’s cast. If that sounds familiar to Destiel fans, I almost want to say that Supercorp have it worse; just as with Swanqueen, they’re often told simply to shut up because there's already wlw rep on the show.)

But where shows are willing to go there now, diminished risk is the key, especially as resale value of shows reflects multiple, competitive platforms constantly needing to purchase content to fill their airspace. Naked women, women kissing and women having sex - bisexual women who are explicitly still available to men - that sells, but as far as I can tell networks are struggling to sell the same narrative about mlm. Maybe that’s my perspective only, maybe that’s me watching the wrong shows (and not at all because I don’t enjoy looking at women’s bodies, I do, but variety is the spice of life) Look at the outright surprise last year when GOT gave us a beautiful, pus covered, full screen dick. GOT, of course, which is insulated because it is a Number One performer. I present to you, in terms of dicks on screen, American Gods, then. Neil Gaiman is my hero, selling the network on the premise that they could have his great stories if only they were willing to gleefully integrate peen on every episode. Or so I’m told. There’s a lot on my ‘to watch’ list that I haven’t got around to yet. I will tell you, of course, that mlm is out there, Evak were voted out against Supercorp in the quarter finals) but on a big show like Supernatural that risk is exceptional. That’s why when we talk about Destiel ‘going canon’, we make the shockingly ambitious request of them HOLDING HANDS, or mutually saying ‘I love you’, and sometimes feel like expecting anything more, like a kiss, or god forbid a sex scene, is too much to ask. Why? When lesbians and bisexual women are presented on TV, kisses and sex scenes are a matter of course. In Alex’ coming out, in Thirteen’s coming out in House, Angela’s coming out in Bones - huge ensemble shows where main characters, all women, have come out and kissed (and returned to male partners in the case of the later two). (I should point out I am talking about genre “mainstream” shows in general, not for example Queer as Folk, where the primary aim is to explore sexuality, not fight dragons or solve crimes)

Now in addition to this problem, an issue that I’ve seen for years is that from inside the fandom world we are made to feel as though we are somehow obscene or inferior for shipping mlm ships, a projection that comes from the way mainstream folks will react to you if they happen to discover you drawing dudes together. Sometimes we hide our online selves from the real world out of shame that has only built over the years, where it’s considered that supporting mlm ships instead of wlw ships makes you fetishistic, or objectifying of gay men. I’ve seen it in fanfiction spaces and in rp spaces on dw and lj that shipping wlw has been raised to a point of being considered ‘more pure’. If you ‘claim’, they say, to be a queer woman, you should wholly be supporting wlw ships. When I started hearing this dialogue I was THIRTEEN. This was before Willow/Tara. There were just less wlw ships on tv, and there were less female characters whose autonomy didn’t depend on men, or portray them as being fragile, the weakness of their gender or whatever. There were standout female characters in my youth, absolutely, but they were all independent (mostly) straight women: Kathyrn Janeway, Sam Carter, Clarice Starling, Dana Scully. They kicked out against the system, the world they lived in, intelligent and defiant ladies I still idolize. Nowadays, though those wlw ships are available, and populated by so many beautiful, powerful, progressive female characters - and yes miraculously even strong female characters who still embrace their own womanhood. In contrast  mlm ships are not keeping up because, in some way, I think that the ‘impurity’ of shipping mlm has stuck. I struggle to think of even straight non toxic male role models, nevermind male role models who are in engaging, romantic relationships with the same sex. This stagnation of masculinity (apart from the rise of the geek hero which often, as in the case of TBBT, doesn’t break away from inbuilt misogyny) troubles me immensely. (I’m not saying all male characters are awful, incidentally, but it’s not a positive message to outright expose the flaws of toxic masculinity without offering understanding, lessons, and growth. But that’s another essay.)

Trust me, I’m not saying everyone feels that TV is being stacked against mlm, but as a bisexual I really feel fractured by the whole thing. I feel like I’m supposed to loathe myself for shipping mlm, particularly when that mlm ship is ‘two white guys’. The fact that I as a woman enjoy male and female bodies is irrelevant, because one desire is pure, and one desire is fetishism. There is no balance. I’m allowed to be titilated by members of my own gender kissing each other and only that and heterosexuality. As a bisexual who is currently leaning toward wlw myself (sexuality existing on a sliding scale imo), it is the power imbalance in heterosexual couples which puts me off. It’s painfully true to life. I have a particular loathing for Booth and Brennan from Bones, for example, where his toxic masculinity is unilaterally forgiven because it’s true love, while Bones, once independent and stubborn herself, is increasingly nudged further out of character in order to forgive him his trespasses. But when I ship mlm, or write fanfic of my favorite couples, any power I give them is not based on their gender. The same I imagine is true of wlw. (An unfortunate consequence of this is people project it onto real life, where power inequality and abuse can exist regardless of make believe ‘purity’, and consequently people end up believing that something is wrong with them rather than their relationship, similar issues as people face when they imagine marriage is the goal, and everything else is happily ever after, because Disney told them so. In which case I advise you to rewatch Mary Poppins.)

During voting, I was reticent to address why voting for Destiel over the other ships was important to me. It was personal. (Of course anyone could have sent me an ask if they were curious). But why I was voting didn’t matter. It was enough that I was voting for the couple I love, whose relationship my blog is devoted to, and whose love story I hope is resolved. But there is more to it than that. What’s important, I guess, is how I feel about Dean. My reading of him is of a bisexual, still in the closet - perhaps even to himself - in his thirties. He made it out of high school, but that’s it, because he dropped out of higher education for family commitments. He likes rock music and classic cars. He loves pie, and dumb medical TV dramas, and cowboy hats, and riding rodeo bulls and chatting to strangers. He struggles with voicing his true self with people who know him, and might judge him in a way he will never come back from. Dean is basically me. I am all those things. And in this case, he’s in love with a genderfluid (has been both male and female) guardian angel whose love for Dean explicitly and singularly, has been described as a profound bond, and the greatest love story ever told. Castiel’s love for Dean, his willingness to do anything for him, is all I think any of us want from a romantic partner. And yes, we all find different things in our ships, and presumably other people connect with Destiel for reasons that aren’t the same as my own, but that’s okay. My reasons are my reasons.

And yet I am still thrown into that emotional disconnect: that because this couple is an mlm couple I’m wrong to ship it, that I would be better putting my energy into watching shows I don’t necessarily enjoy as much so I can find my representation in more respectable (or potentially less queerbaity) fandoms. That Supernatural isn’t good enough because I’ve been repeatedly told by people inside and outside the fandom that it isn’t good enough. I’ve got to tell you I agree that it struggles with being progressive. While season 3 of Grey’s Anatomy was showing the struggles of a pre-op mtf woman and her wife in an ep that made me actually cry for the dysphoria represented, on the other channel SPN had just got done killing a token ‘woman with an off screen girlfriend’ character. By season 11, we’ve had two gay male couples, both holding hands and leaning into each other to express their relationship. SPN is slow. Nobody in the world would deny that. 

But to be quite honest, also, finding representation doesn’t have to mean ‘a ship’, it can just be a well written bisexual woman with a badge, and you aren’t restrained to just one rep either! In fact, the more the better. I find myself particularly starved for that rep, especially since - having been fetishized for my bisexuality irl before - I see painful reflections of that on television. That’s obviously going to be related to bad writing and TV’s particular way of objectifying women in general, too, but when a woman (say Angela Montenegro from Bones) has a two episodes storyline where she makes out with another insanely attractive actress, the music rising, lit with soft shades, the camera focused in on their mouth--before the plot is forgotten entirely, it is incredibly difficult not to see that as objectification and not bisexual solidarity. I want more mlm on TV because I want more bisexuals of both genders on TV, and because of the harmful insinuation in mainstream thought that a guy who comes out as bi late has somehow been lying to himself and was gay all along, while women who are bi are just exploring their sexuality and somehow more up for it. Those views need to be constantly, constantly challenged, because, honestly, people believe them. (Probably not me or you, but it’s out there).

(As an aside: mainstream is also harsh toward female writers who write mlm stories. There have understandably, as a result, been female writers who chose male pseudonyms to pen their gay romance novels. I first experienced this to a lesser extent back in Gundam Wing fandom, because if you were a ‘male’ author it legitimized you and people would read your stories in preference to those penned by girls. Back then it was a numbers game. The prejudice does remain. Audiences are sometimes outright cold to female authors who pen mlm stories! You need only look at the conversation about boycotting Love, Simon because it was written by a straight woman to appreciate just how deeply we’ve built this disconnect, as though to write something the author must always write from personal experience. If that’s the case, I feel terrible for Thomas Harris and Jeff Lindsay, and JK Rowling (who speaks about choosing her moniker because it was genderless) must certainly have had an exciting childhood, what with all the magic and dragons. 

As a result I think we (or at least I) have internalized some harmful things about who has the right to interpret themselves in stories told about men, or male protagonists. And in lashing back at girls who for years have been doing just that, considering it to be lesser if I find a role model in Dean instead of Angela, we have harmed the integrity of mlm fans themselves, who increasingly struggle under a burden of self imposed guilt. It is reflecting back poorly on mlm performances, even as wlw stories flourish. In this raising the pedestal of wlw purity, the ‘ethical’ alternative, we dismiss what people can learn about themselves from male role models too, something that we instead encourage if it’s a teenage boy finding a role model in Elsa. My closeted bi self loving Dean Winchester harms nobody, but I am still made to feel lesser for doing so, even if sometimes that feeling is ridiculously self imposed. Hell, maybe I’m alone in this feeling and the rest of this is bullshit, but that’s why I said ‘I vs we’ was definitely a part of this commentary.

In any case, this is what I think this means to the Zimbio vote: As wlw rep has been increasing, mlm has been facing a disappointing deficit. Those once big fandom movers ‘Superwholock’, the Hannigrams, the Sterek shippers--have fractured and splintered off. Destiel has come in waves but it’s still somehow here, without its original opponents from back in the day. It’s here, even with setbacks after season 8 and 10 that had fans breaking away from Supernatural entirely. Optimism now reflects optimism felt before, but let’s face it Castiel was killed permanently at one point, and Bob Singer said outright, even just a few years ago, that Destiel and social media stuff just didn’t come up in the writing room (pr is not showrunning, etc). People are hugely entitled to struggle with optimism for non canon mlm ships because history repeats itself. Add into that feelings like I described above, and the struggle is real. It can sometimes feel like you’re fandom’s three legged, one eyed donkey.

Add to that how old Destiel is. Every fandom coming into existence now, every ship built around, comes into contact with Destiel at some point. If you type ‘queerbaiting’ into Wikipedia, our ship is cited. In Google, we come up first. Thanks to antis (and some genuinely bad behavior from bad apple shippers over the years) we’ve earned a reputation, and it moves before us into every ship interaction we have. Because of that, we can appear both intimidating and as something to be avoided, because ‘what if you meet a crazy one’? You’d think seniority would be a good thing, but few people see us as a ship that’s been there and done that, as they do Swanqueen. We aren’t the ship that can perhaps offer advice on things going on in whippersnapper fandoms based on our experiences, as it would be in an ideal world. We’re not a ship to be aligned with, and because of this odd perception of wlw vs. mlm, there was simply never any potential that support for Supercorp wasn’t going to skyrocket. It was a fight against ‘That monolithic mlm ship that just won’t stop’, as it were, because here we still are hanging onto threads hoping our ship will go canon, and based on past evidence, the fall of other mlm ships, and only looking in from the outside, that seems like wishful thinking.

So we were unlikely to gain allies from heartbroken mlm fandoms. We were unlikely to find allies in wlw fandoms. It’s sad, of course, because for all the talk of representation in media, the desire to express a balance and cheerlead for mlm, imo an obvious representation underdog, simply doesn’t ever come up. Our friends and relatives roll our eyes at us if we talk about Destiel because we get that ridiculous light in our eyes when we do. Ultimately, that meant that Destiel was on its own. It had to unify. It had to pour its passion into voting and be a family again. It’s been knocked out in previous years - honestly based on what I’ve heard it’s been a disaster - but THIS YEAR we pulled out all the stops. That was all us. Despite antivoting, Destiel shippers - and only Destiel shippers - fought and fought - thousands of votes after thousands of votes, as we made small leads only to slip three times further. We didn’t stop. We were there and fighting right up until the end. And it may just have been a silly online poll, but I think it really goes to show what we can do when we put our hearts into it. We more than doubled the amount of votes cast in the previous round, over the exact same time scale, even though Supercorp fought back with everything they had, all the vibrancy of being a fresh, shunned ship determined to prove themselves, using social media strategy and unity to bring in votes from wherever they could get them. They fought well. They were wiley and smart, and so passionate; passionate like I thought I’d forgotten how to be.

And we kept fighting. We were in the semis, with twice as many votes more than Swanqueen, and we fought tooth and nail and almost got there, slipping just in the last half hour.

I have to believe that that’s because some people in the Destiel family have hope. I know we’ve drawn in a lot of new and returning shippers recently, I’ve seen you following me and starting out in meta writing yourselves, joining Destiel exchanges for the first time, sharing your first codas. The DCBB and Pinefest have had ENORMOUS turnouts. We are, despite all odds, growing as a ship again. 

I really hope that we can overcome the shame that has somehow been drummed into us for shipping mlm. I hope that we can all, whether we ship wlw, mlm, het or poly or whatever peeps are doing these days, make sure not to raise one as an ideal over the others, because it’s not in the spirit of family, of fandom. It is never ‘us against them’, it’s never a case of moral or ethical superiority, definitely not even in everyday parlance and least of all in a shipping popularity contest.

And maybe despite the risk, we’ll get an ‘I love you’, some hand holding. Hell, maybe even a kiss (Supernatural never even gave us a kiss between Jesse and Cesar, though, so I have my doubts.) But God if that wouldn’t pave the way for better deconstruction of toxic masculinity on genre TV, more presence of bisexual men and gay men on genre TV, and more men kissing and open expression of sexuality on genre TV. 

So here’s my final word. Maybe the bunnies will kiss. Maybe they’ll even do what bunnies do, who knows? And maybe next year we’ll win it.

I hope I didn’t step on any toes with this post. I felt like these words needed to come out of me, though, so here they are. Thank God there’s no more Zimbio until next year, right? Please refer back to my first paragraph for disclaimers. Thanks, though, if you read this far.

[secretgamergirl]

Let’s Talk a Little About “Rule 63″

As you may recall from back when I had that thing about “TG” manga, or that other thing about Forced Feminization porn, any attempt at trying to find anything relevant to trans people is going to lead you to some sort of fetish or other, and actual trans people tend to end up having complicated relationships with those. Today, let’s talk a little about Rule 63.

If the term doesn’t ring a bell, one of the oldest jokes in internet culture is the concept of this list of rules governing what can be found on the internet. Most famous of course being Rule 34- “If it exists, there’s porn of it.” Next most famous though is Rule 63, defined either as “If it exists, someone has drawn it as a cute girl,” or “every character has been drawn as the opposite gender.” Honestly I don’t know of any other rules even existing, they’re just arbitrarily chosen numbers by ancient internet jokesmiths who thought it’d be funnier to suggest a super long list. For these purposes I’m looking more at that second definition.

Not too long ago, there was an incident where someone had drawn the all-male cast of a new game as women, which lead to the artist getting rather savagely attacked. Another trans woman wrote an article about this that I found upsetting on a number of levels. I didn’t want to call public attention to it at the time, since the artist in question was still heavily under fire, and the author of the article was taking a fair amount of heat for handling things rather irresponsibly. It’s been long enough now though that I’m fairly certain I can address the harmful impact of that article in the abstract without causing anyone any problems.

The implication was made, and elaborated upon at length, that the very notion of any artist ever drawing any Rule 63 art was deeply offensive to trans people, and I’ve since seen a whole lot of cis people, trying to be good trans allies, repeating this and admonishing artists accordingly.

I have a huge problem with that, because the reality is that Rule 63 art is pretty deeply meaningful and developmentally important to a not at all insignificant number of trans people.

If you talk to enough trans people, you’ll often see us referring to our past selves and/or clearly closeted trans people as “eggs.” See, when you’re a trans woman, you don’t suddenly decide “I’m a woman now!” You always were, and after you accept that and embrace it, looking back on your life up to that point it’s painfully obvious you always were, and you generally feel like a total idiot for not making the connection sooner (and obviously this also applies to trans men, and to non-binary people but I’m sticking with women for the moment for expediency’s sake).

That period before you accept and embrace your actual gender is what we call “being an egg,” or “egg mode,” both because it’s a nice metaphor for the effects of dysphoria (socially isolated/living in this dark emotional void/unable to really start living your life), and because “hatching” out of “egg mode” tends to start with a little crack forming in how you look at yourself, and it doesn’t take a lot of poking at that crack before the realization sets in that you aren’t just “really in touch with your feminine side” or “curious” or whatever, but you’re trans, and once you allow yourself to seriously hold the thought “I’m actually a woman” the whole shell of self-denial breaks apart and there’s no going back.

All of this though is contingent on that first crack forming. Something needs to come along and give you a reason to start envisioning yourself, at least in some limited hypothetical context, as a woman, and realizing how much more comfortable you feel. And generally, that requires some kind of outside catalyst.

(Quick aside, transphobes love hearing things like that and extrapolating that if egg-mode trans people can be sheltered from any such catalysts, it will prevent them from “becoming trans” and spare them a tortured existence. This ignores the fact that it’s being in egg-mode that leaves us incapable of real happiness or meaningful connections in life, and incredibly prone to suicide, while after coming out and transitioning the only issues we have to contend with are bigots like them doing everything they can to hurt us, and it’s STILL worth it.)

Rule 63 art is, of course, one of the more common catalysts for this sort of revelation. Others of course include things like Ranma 1/2, the obligatory gender flip/body swap episode of any given sci-fi or fantasy show, talking to an actual trans person for any length of time, creating a character for an RPG/short story/etc. So for instance, let’s say you’re really into Harry Potter, and you come across some nicely drawn piece of fan art where Harry’s a girl (or where Hermione’s a guy). You look at that, you reconsider how the story would differ in that case. If you’re the sort to project yourself into the role of one of these characters you’re now thinking of how that would be different for you, and there’s your crack. Even better if it’s the protagonist of a videogame you’re playing, where you think of that character as “you.” I mean, a big part of why the original Metroid is near and dear to a lot of trans women’s hearts is that your big reward for finishing it is playing through again with the knowledge that that’s a woman you’ve been projecting yourself onto the whole time. So you can see how it’s helpful to have a variety of art like this floating around.

On the other side of the coin, let’s say you’re an eggy eggy trans girl who hasn’t started to hatch yet. Somewhere on your computer you have a folder with about a gig of paintings you’ve come across of Link and Ramza and and Vash the Stampede rendered as women, that really speak to you in some powerful way, but you haven’t figured out why that is. Now you see a bunch of people talking about how art like that is super exploitative and harmful to trans women, a demographic whose feelings you really care about, again, for reasons you can’t quite articulate yet. Well, this is scandalous and shameful isn’t it! That big pile of art you’ve been hoarding is apparently sick and wrong and some kind of fetish porn! Now you hate yourself even more, so it’s time to repress some feelings and delay some revelations and be more miserable than ever.

(And yes, I do realize that a significant amount of Rule 63 art floating around absolutely is created as fetish porn, and there absolutely are some trans people who really aren’t fans, but connecting with a piece of art and learning about yourself is way more important than what motivated an artist or what makes a random stranger roll their eyes due to their own personal issues.)

Plus very often, Rule 63 art is drawn by trans people, struggling to make a living by selling art in the sort of alt-culture communities other trans people, particularly those still in egg mode, frequent. It’s a healthy way to expand people’s perceptions so they don’t get it into their heads that, say, The Doctor must always be a man, and sometimes makes younger trans kids realize things about themselves. I have several friends who make a living like that, honestly.

Keep that in mind if I add some visual aids to this later.

[wiisaakodewinini]

Adult Circumcision, It Happens!

*This has (obviously) a lot of penis-heavy content and surgery procedure talk below, so if that’s not something you’re interested in/upset by, keep on movin’! 

Kay so, I’m by no means a doctor, but I saw a post that really made me wanna share my story cus not a lot of people with penises are super aware that circumcisions happens for a variety of reasons and that they can be necessary at any point in life (not just infancy) and that its important that you talk about problems you’re having down there, because it could cause you bigger problems later in life. Penis health is important and circumcision can be a touchy subject because a lot of people with a penis often have insecurities related to whatever problems they may have with theirs, out of fear of shame or humiliation. 

So when I was growing up as a little lad, I was taught about good genital hygiene and how I was supposed to pull back my foreskin to clean because well, things get stuck in under the head with the skin over, and all that jazz. However as I got a bit older, approaching adolescence, I noticed I physically could not pull it back, like the skin would just not widen enough to expose the glands properly, it would get stuck. Any attempt to do so would result in a tearing sensation that felt something like when you get a hangnail, sharp buzzy pain. So after being confused about it for honestly a couple years, my father ended up needing a circumcision in his 60′s, and his surgeon asked him to talk to me about if I had been having any problems. I was honest and said I hadn’t been able to pull it back in a while because it hurt too much/was too tight. This was apparently a big problem, and I was in the surgeon's office for a diagnosis later the following week. 

Turns out, after having him and a nurse do some simple tests on it, it turned out that I had phimosis, which is basically just the technical term for what the problem was, for some weird reason, my foreskin was unnaturally tight at the top, which would have caused me problems during puberty and later in life it could have been particularly complicating so I was recommended for surgery and about a month later after a series of blood tests (like 3 sets of 8~12 vials) I was booked for a week after my 13th birthday and that was it.

The actual surgery itself, I was put under and didn’t feel a thing. And I was able to go home the same day, on the condition I could pee by myself and not throw up food eaten post operation. I was given special mesh underwear and my penis was wrapped tightly with gauze over lots of stitches. 

Now everyone has a different experience but recovery wasn’t super easy at first for me, and this is my account of what it's like:

*warning graphic

On the first night, I got an involuntary erection which ripped 3 stitches. I bled a LOT and had to go back to emergency and that was NOT fun. 

A newly exposed penis is EXTREMELY sensitive. Sweatpants and loose-fitting shorts only. Car rides were a nightmare and I didn’t do much moving from the couch for about a week and a half. 

A LOT of swelling the first few days, peeing was honestly a delicate experience that was like controlling a pressure-washer...

Changing your gauze every two days is not pleasant. Your blood dries to the gauze and your various fluids and such cling to it also so peeling it away from your wounded penis is very sensitive and cringe-worthy, but absolutely necessary. 

Sleeping was tricky for the first few days. It was hard for me, a stomach sleeper having to sleep on my back and not being able to move too much with what essentially was a temperamental roll of toilet-paper (gauze) between my legs  that protested every toss and turn throughout the night

I don’t think the process could be done alone, you’re very reliant on everyone around you for a lot of things. From changing the bandages to getting food.

I wasn’t allowed to wear tight/proper-fitting underwear for a month. 

After the dust settled and I got used to my newly circumcised penis:

I was a lot more comfortable in general, I hadn’t realised how much discomfort I was living with Phimosis. 

I found masturbation (and later intercourse) was just as satisfying as before, if not maybe a bit more.

My penis grew in properly which was one of the concerns related to the condition. 

The sensitivity subsided and is not an issue

Much easier to clean 

Stays cleaner longer, regular showering is sufficient, special attention isn’t needed.

Life goes on without any thought of it. 

I supposedly have a lower risk of contracting a variety of STI’s which is a great plus

Reduces the likelihood of penile cancer

Decreased risk of UTI

Why might someone with a penis need a circumcision beyond infancy?

Usually its one of these culprits...

PHIMOSIS (This is what I had)

“phimosis is a condition where the inability to pull back the foreskin of the penis results in symptoms such as pain and urinary difficulties. Physiologic phimosis is a condition where the prepuce (foreskin) is tight and not fully retractable, but where there are no symptoms.

At birth, the foreskin is naturally tight, with some estimates suggesting that 96% of male infants have physiologic phimosis. Normally, the foreskin slowly loosens as the boy develops, but in the case of phimosis, the tightness remains or is slower to resolve. Typically, the problem resolves between the ages of 5 and 7, with just 2% of adult males thought to have non-retractability of the prepuce, despite being otherwise normal.

If the problem persists and there is inflammation or ballooning during urination, intervention may be sought. In rare cases, circumcision is used to permanently remedy the situation.

PARAPHIMOSIS

“Paraphimosis is effectively the opposite to phimosis: the foreskin is stuck behind the head of the penis and restricts the blood flow to the end of the penis.

This condition is considered to be a medical emergency. Paraphimosis is often iatrogenic; in other words, it is a reaction to a medical procedure, such as a urethral catheter or penile examination.

If left untreated, paraphimosis can lead to gangrene and autoamputation. Once the initial issue is resolved, a circumcision is often prescribed to prevent future occurrences”

BALANITIS

“Balanitis is a condition where the head of the penis swells up and the foreskin can no longer be brought to its natural position.

This condition can be caused by an infection, dermatitis, psoriasis, eczema or lichen planus (a skin disease). Having unprotected sex with a partner who has vaginal thrush can also increase the chances of balanitis, as can suffering from diabetes.

Depending on the initial cause of the issue, balanitis can be treated by steroid or antifungal creams, a course of antibiotics, or, as a last option - circumcision”

[Source Article]

Hopefully, you all feel a little more enlightened on penis health! I encourage you to examine yours or talk to your children/siblings about it and encourage a dialogue about any problems or discomfort they have been having. Doctors are super understanding about it and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Its better to get it out of the way now before it becomes a serious problem down the road! Just as a disclaimer, I can only speak from my experience and what I learned from my healthcare practitioners, you, or someone else may have a different experience with the whole process if you find you might be at risk for the above conditions!

Take care ~

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 111, July 2018

On Monday morning, Mum and I paid a visit to our old neighbourhood of Ashwood as it was the start of the July school holidays. But first we dropped into The Pancake Parlour (Malvern East) for brunch. We both decided to order the hot cakes winter special with fresh strawberries for $10.90 each. It was absolutely amazing and honestly looked too good to eat.

Next we walked down the main street of Ashburton with its array of cafes, florists, massage salons, newsagent, bakers and butchers. It’s become an area exclusive to the rich and well off with residents walking their dogs and driving expensive cars through the back roads. Lastly we checked out our old house and street. We used to live close to Jordanville during most of the 1990’s in a single-story commission home, my childhood home. It features cream coloured walls rendered with cement, a brown tiled roof and a glass-fronted porch.

Some of the houses in the area have been demolished and some modern townhouses and apartments have been erected in their place. It’s lovely to see that half of the run-down looking commission houses have been preserved and left alone along with features like front fences, plants and hedges. It brings back a lot of nostalgic memories of regular walks and bike rides along the street that I used to live in over 20 years ago. I also remember some of our old neighbours like Gwen and her German Shepherd named Twiggy who we used to visit from time to time.

Lately we had a drive past my past primary school and high school. There has been many additions and renovations made to both Parkhill primary school and Ashwood High School (formerly Ashwood College) but parts of them are still the same like the ovals and wetlands plus the reception and office buildings. I attended both of these schools back in the mid-late 1990’s and generally had some fond memories there. I loved hanging out by the pine trees which divides the schools right down the middle, sliding down the grassy hills and playing on the play equipment.

On Monday night, I went to a Yin-style Yoga class at Level Up Yoga in Berwick. It was taught my a young lass named Emma Ahearn who just started teaching at the studio a couple of weeks ago. I firmly believe that you’re only as old as you feel and whilst Emma does seem young and inexperienced, I could tell that she’s wise beyond her years. This was my first class with her and I’ve already learned some new things about what a Yin class is all about. It’s a case of the young teaching the old, and at 32, I don’t even feel that old. https://www.aaronpetty.com/

Emma guided us through some supported variations of classic yoga poses including Bound Angle Pose (Baddha Konasana), Bridge Pose, Child’s Pose and Fish Pose using one or two bolsters. She made several references to water and its connection to the breath. The inhalation and the exhalation can be seen as similar to the tide coming in and out. Plus water is a very cleansing substance to wash away negative emotions, fears, anxieties and doubts from the body. https://www.ekhartyoga.com/articles/the-benefits-of-yin-yoga

On Tuesday morning, I went down to YMCA Casey RACE to do some cardio exercise in the gym. I didn’t end up getting there until around 11:30am as I was struggling to get motivated and I did a few household chores beforehand. I decided to split it between two machines: the treadmill and the upright bike. I didn’t find the bike all that challenging to begin with as the resistance level was quite low but when it creeped up to level 10 and 11, I could definitely feel the difference as it was getting harder and harder to keep pedaling. After half an hour on the bike, my legs felt like jelly.

Here are my results for each workout:                                                                    1) UPRIGHT BIKE. Total Calories = 212 cal. Distance = 9.57 Km. Duration = 30 minutes. Average Speed = 19.16 Kph. Pace = 3.07 minutes / Km.

2) TREADMILL. Total Calories = 224 cal. Distance = 2.26 Km. Duration = 29 minutes. Average Speed = 4.55 Kph. Pace = 13.10 minutes / Km.

On Tuesday night, I attended my YardSTRONG (Strongman, Weight Lifting) session at The Yard Strength & Fitness in Pakenham. Tonight I was joined by Jeanette Spiteri who I used to bump into last year down at UFT PLAYgrounds in Berwick during my PT sessions with Luke. Whilst I’ve consciously cut the cord with most of the members at UFT, I certainly don’t hold any grudges or hard feelings. That’s not the way I roll. My decision to leave UFT before the end of last year was very much a personal one.

We started the session by doing some Yoga Sun Salutations to WARM-UP with (Forward Fold, Plank, Cobra, Diver’s Pose, Extended Child’s Pose). Next I was doing some Pilates movements to work into the quads, glutes and hips including Side Hip Raise, Glute Bridges with Leg Lift and Side Leg Lifts. Next I did some Walking Lunges with dumbbell weights, lifting them up on a diagonal and slicing across the body into the side hips. https://www.livestrong.com/article/424147-benefits-of-dumbbell-lunges/

For the DEVELOPMENT part, I had to do some Strongman carries with a variety of deadball weights ranging from 6kg to 40kg. It was pretty challenging especially trying to support myself, place it up on my shoulder and keep my form. By the heaviest weight, I literally felt like I was a pregnant lady! Lifting the deadballs onto the wooden box was also pretty tough because it required the correct squating technique to place it up there. https://www.ironedge.com.au/blog/heavy-dead-ball-training/

For tonight’s WOD dubbed “The Dixonator”, I had to do as many rounds as possible of the following exercises: 15kg Keg Carry, 10 Tire Flips, 5 Medball Cleans, 15 Deadlifts @ 35kg, 20 Sandbag Lunges and 25 Weighted Sit-Ups (5kg plate). Easily the hardest part of this workout for me was the lunges as the fatigue sets in very quickly and I find it hard keeping my head up the whole time. However, I was smashing the keg carries, tire flips, cleans and sit-ups. Felt really good to finish 3 rounds in under 20 minutes given how intense this WOD is. Thank goodness for Mandi and Jeanette for their encouragement plus cranking some hits from Christina Aguilera.

On Friday morning, Mum and I dropped into Toll Group to apply for a job there in Dandenong South. I didn’t feel like I was ready or prepared enough for this and with my poor quality of sleep and lack of energy, this really didn’t help matter. But still I made the effort to at least print a resume out and hand it in to the reception girls. What I wasn’t expecting was a phone call about 2-3 hours later from Toll giving me an interview opportunity.

It’s a lot to process for me right now as I’m not exactly in the most ideal headspace. I should be excited about the news but instead I’m dreading it. My brain flooded with so many “What if?” questions: What if I can’t make this work? What if I have to give up my other commitments like going to the gym, counselling, going out to local gigs, lunch, coffee etc? Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. I just hate the uncertainty so much.

So I’ve locked in a time for next Monday morning to have this interview at Toll but before that I’ve gotta get an online induction and police check completed. I just hope that I’m cut out for both of these. One step at a time as always. https://www.tollgroup.com/about/working-toll

I was also feeling physically exhausted and emotionally flat today. Beating myself up for not going to my Body Combat class this morning, I was getting myself upset about being stuck at 93kg and wishing that I could somehow feel good about body, overweight or not. I’ve been reaching out for the comfort foods again and I’m feeling really guilty about that, knowing that I’m consuming excess calories and not doing anything to burn them off. Hopefully things turn around for me next week but right now I feel like shit.

“Cause it makes me that much stronger. Makes me work a little bit harder. It makes me that much wiser. So thanks for making me a fighter. Made me learn a little bit faster. Made my skin a little bit thicker. Makes me that much smarter. So thanks for making me a fighter.” Christina Aguilera - Fighter (2002)

“I am beautiful. No matter what they say. Words can't bring me down. I am beautiful. In every single way. Yes words can't bring me down. Oh no. So don't you bring me down today.” Christina Aguilera - Beautiful (2002)

“Life is a journey. It can take you anywhere you choose to go. As long as you’re learning. You’ll find all you’ll ever need to know. Be strong. Break it. Hold on. You’ll make it.” Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within (2002)

[hisfirstmate]

When I was younger I had horrible skin. Look closely at the pictures above and you can see the splotches all over my chin, forehead and cheeks. We are talking acne, painful and red, and lots of dry, dead skin.  I remember one time I had a pimple on the edge of my lip that honestly looked like I had a Skittle embedded in my skin and it was so bad that it was uncomfortable to eat. I had no choice but to pop it because I was so hungry but I didn’t want to eat because it hurt…I had no idea my pores could hold all the crap that came out. But enough with the gross stuff! I decided then that I wanted better skin. The last thing I wanted to worry about when my sailor came home was what shape my skin was in and how it was going to look in the millions of pictures we’d be taking. While my skin still isn’t 100% perfect and I am no dermatologist, I have tested multiple products, theories and Cosmopolitan magazine articles to find the best! The top list of things that gave me much better, healthier skin.

1. No Stress

This is the biggie. Whenever something goes haywire at work or life is out of whack, my skin goes nuts! I’m upset one day and then the next morning I wake up and bam! Three new zits are scattered in the most obvious places on my face.

It’s easy to wash your face and use certain products but controlling your stress? Whole different deal. I try my best though and do yoga and meditative breathing before I go to sleep most nights. I kick box for a living so I make sure to go to class at least once a week to punch out whatever stresses I have. I decided to get a social worker and see her once a month to talk out whatever I need.

There are a million ways to manage stress so do some research and find a few ways that best fit you. Self care is the best cure.

2. You Really Are What You Eat

Can we talk about avocados for  a second? I have never had shinier hair than when I started eating avocados which actually wasn’t too long ago. I never really got the hype with guacamole until a few weeks ago when my friend brought in pomegranate guacamole to work. One bite and I was sold. I started eating guacamole everyday (the organic, natural kind of course) and paired it with carrots, black bean chips and mixing it with other veggies to give them a little bit more of a taste.

They say that almonds give you healthy skin and hair too but I’ve never experienced hair and skin like I did when guacamole was introduced into my life. A definite life saver.

Let’s also talk about fruits and veggies for a second. I can look at my skin and tell within a few days if I have been eating badly. Not only from acne but my skin starts to dull and not look “fresh”. Easily cured by adding in more veggies and more fruits to my diet.

But I hate veggies. I fixed this by shoving all the veggies into a smoothie that I drink once a day. I don’t really have a set recipe but I’ll add in some coconut water, spinach, cacao nibs, spiralina and then any kind of fruits that I want and drink one of those a day. The week after that I’ll switch up the fruits and veggies so that my body gets a variety.

3. Exercise!

This is one is just important as eating well. Your skin is a direct revelation of what is going on inside your body. So, if you eat well and exercise then your skin will be a direct showing of that. The opposite is also true!

And what better to splurge out all the gunk that is clogging your pores than to sweat it out? Most days I will go to the gym and do some light cardio and lift weights (this is also part of the stress relief routine!). But as I said before, once a week I will take a kickboxing class and literally drip sweat. After class, I’ll go home and shower away all the surfaced dirt and my skin feels much fresher.

4. Use What Mother Nature Gave Ya!

I’ve started to wean myself off of store bought, chemically infused products for both my hair and my face. These days all I have for my face is coconut oil, water and some Lush products.

Coconut oil made me nervous. I naturally have oily skin so I was nervous to put any kind of extra oil on my skin. I tried it before going to bed one night and woke up to a face that was baby butt smooth. I only use coconut oil a few times a week and only the smallest amount as to not clog my pores.

When washing my face, most of the time, I will just use water. Yep, you read that right. Just plain, good old water. And I wash it with water right after I get up, go to bed and after I work out!

Believe me when I tell you that I have honest to goodness tried every face wash ever invented. Proactive, Neutrogena, charcoal scrubs, whatever a dermatologist gave me… wasn’t fully impressed with any of them.

Water seems to do the job on its own. When my skin is feeling extra oily or flaky I use Lush’s Cup O’ Coffee and Ultrabland to cure that. The coffee scrub exfoliates (and also smells like heaven) while Ultrabland leaves my skin feeling dewy and moisturized.

Once a week, I will also do a Yes to Tomatoes Detoxifying Charcoal Mud Mask which you can buy at Walmart for a whopping $2.50. It brings everything to the surface of my face and makes it easier for me to get rid of it.

5. Ditch the makeup

I tried foundation when I was younger to cover up and even out my face because I saw other girls do it and thought that if they did it then maybe I should too. I was wrong. Foundation of any sort plugs up my pores and makes my break outs worse and it is just a vicious cycle of plugging and covering. Yuck.

So, now I wear absolutely no make up a majority of the time. Sometimes I’ll do mascara and if it is a really special occasion some eye shadow but never anything more.

6. Chug! Chug! Chug!

No only do I use water on my face but I also drink a ton of it. Remember the “You are what you eat” tip? Well, you are what your drink too. And considering our bodies are mostly made up of water it is fitting that most of the liquids you put into your body be water too. The general rule of thumb is to drink half your body weight in ounces of water every day.

During my college years, I made it a priority to drink a gallon of water everyday. I lugged my little gallon around to every class, to the gym in between classes and back home every single day. Did I finish it every day? No, of course not. But did I wake up every morning and try again? Yes, of course.

Since college, I have downgraded to a two liter jug because carrying around a gallon jug everyday was like hauling around a small child.

7. Keep Yo’ Paws Off

I can’t even imagine how dirty the human hand is…and when I was in school it was always a common thing for me to rest my head in my hand and have my fingers all over one cheek.

*Cringe*

So, I stopped. The acne that I get along the side of my cheeks have been a million and one times better ever since though I do occasionally slip. Keep your hands off your face! When you’re surprised by something, don’t cover your mouth with your hand. Studying hard for that test? Keep your hands off your forehead and cheeks!

  When your SO is coming home for the first time in months of course you want to be looking your absolute best. Your skin is a good place to start. Pick a few of these tips and try them out for yourself!

*I was not paid or asked to do any reviews of the products written about. I bought the products of my own free will. I have no personal connections to anyone associated with the products being reviewed. I wrote this for the interest of my readers and gave my honest opinion on the products.

Seven Hacks to Healthier, Homecoming-Ready Skin When I was younger I had horrible skin. Look closely at the pictures above and you can see the splotches all over my chin, forehead and cheeks.