#honestly this wouldnt be that bad if i had more than 3 days to go through like 240 customers

[piknim]

Ugh my manager said something yesterday thats making me so nervous to go back to work tomorrow and its nothing thats a big deal just makes me feel like im doing a bad job at my job

[chrissturnsgirlll222]

can u make a story bout matt and y/n and they get in a really bad argument that leaves matt and y/n thinking about their slowly shattering relationship ?

(sorry i love angst 😭😭)

love ya !!

#🩹

breaking point

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

summary - this rec^^

warnings - angst, kissing, swearing, use of y/n, kind of really sad

a/n: sorry this came out so late and to the person who requested i hope this is good <3

NOT PROOFREAD

-

matt and i have been dating for 4 months and it was going amazing until recently. my friends warned me about the 3 months relationship mark and boy were they right. we have been going through a really rough patch arguing about simple shit all day, to the point where i would frown at my phone more than i would hope.

we were so happy until we couldnt make time for one another. between his crazy filming schedule and me having a normal job one of us was always busy. eventually we realized both of us had no time to be alone together and just be happy. when we did talk it was about how we need to make more time for eachother and other than that we were busy. which brings us to our dinner date that was slowly coming to an end.

“hi ill just get the bill please.” matt smiles at our waiter. i just pick at my skirt as we sit in silence. both of us were already upset with eachother before we went for dinner and then had to sit in a formal setting angry, quiet, wanting to work everything out, and still hungry as i was too upset to eat. i spent the night picking at my plate and matt pretty much did the same.

“matt i, i need you to see this from my point of view.” i mumble quietly. “stop, we will talk at home. right now im just trying to get us out of here ok?” he locks eyes with me gripping his wallet.

i nob in response as i feel tears pricking my eyes. the dim light above the table highlighting the tears threatening to spill out and i inhale sharply as matt stares at me. no expression on his face.

he pays for our dinner and i grab my coat and walk to the exit of the restaurant. fresh air hitting me like a brick as i felt i couldnt breathe in the restaurant.

the drive home was completely silent. i just sat there my purse in my lap and starring out the window. the only sound being the car engine and the occasional blinker noise.

we get to his house and he doesnt even bother getting my car door like he always used to. i enter the house after him and begin to take my shoes off. the house is quiet due to chris and nick being out of the house tonight, they wanted to give us space but honestly i would kill to hangout with one of his brothers right now. at least the air wouldnt be so stiff.

matt goes to his room and then walks to him bathroom as i work on my heel strap. all in complete silence. i grab a shirt of his and a pair of my underwear that i keep in the drawer he emptied out for me that is fulled with extra clothing and pyjamas for when im over.

i wait for him to finish showering and he walks in with wet hair and plaid pyjama pants on. “you can go.” he points to the door. “what?” i say my heart breaking at him kicking me out.

“baby go shower we were out of the house.” he says as i sigh in relief. i smile and slightly nod at him as i walk out to the bathroom.

once im done showering i find matt sitting at the end of his bed withe his elbows on his knees and phone in hand. he looks up at me as i stand in the doorway drying my hair off with a towel. you could cut our tension with a fucking knife it was almost suffocating. “can we talk now.” i ask. he pats the spot next to him and i move to sit.

“whats happening to us matt, we used to be so happy and connected.” i look down at my lap. “we are happy and connected y/n.” he says. he knows its a lie, we arent happy with eachother right now.

“we are sitting right next to eachother and i feel like were completely different rooms right now. thats not feeling connected.” im extremely frustrated at how matt cant confront the issue here.

“im right here” he grabs my hand, “why dont you feel the same. we are happy and in love and want this relationship more than anything.”

“i cant because we never make time for one another. your always with chris and nick filming or at an LA party with tons of girls.” i remove his hands from mine, “im not blaming you i just want effort from you.”

“your insecure about other girls? seriously. how is that my fault. who planned tonights dinner?” he asks

i stay silent.

“who planned tonights dinner.” he says in a scary tone. i freeze as he is correct but going on dates has nothing to do with repairing our relationship. “your getting on my fucking nerve.”

“matt a fucking dinner date isnt going to solve our problems. we need to work together to be able to be in the same room without sitting in complete shitty silence. i cant take it anymore.” i say as tears begin pooling out of my eyes.

“oh now your crying, what the fuck are you talking about. i have been putting in effort to this relationship you want me to be the bad guy here so bad. if you dont think its working you can leave. you need to learn when its time to stop. you push and push and push.”

“matt its not that i dont think its working. we can find a way around this we just need to work together. i dont see effort in the sense that you never make time for me. theres always something more important and i cant stand it anymore.” i say getting louder.

“no, your blaming me saying that you are the only person putting in effort. im not your personal serotonin dose im your fucking boyfriend. i can only do so much. if what im doing isnt enough take your shit and leave im not going to put up with this bullshit.” he shouts as tears well in his eyes.

i stare at him as tears fall out of my eyes. ive never seen him angry enough to yell. i never knew i would be the person to push this out of him. “matt if you love me you will help me fix this. we are adults not fucking teenagers that are going to break up over nothing. i love you with everything in me and want to be with you more than anything. if we keep ignoring this were going to end up broken.” i plead

“i love you enough to know that your being a bitch right now. making me the bad guy and trying to sugar coat it. well you clearly dont think this is working based off of what your saying to me.” he stands up. “if thats what you think you can sleep on the couch or get the fuck out and go home.” he wipes his eyes as tears stream.

now sobbing i get up quietly and make my way to the living room. “matt we cant be over.” i wipe my eyes and sniffle, turning around to him in the door way.

“you tell me.”

-

thanks for reading xx

taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668 @alorsxsturn @w4nnabeurs @junnniiieee07 @waydasims @matthewloverr @bitchydragonparadise @matthewsturnioloswifey @iloveneilperry @stunza @realuvrrr @jennss23 @tubl-mc @lilsstvrn

a/n: how are we feeling???

[karshown]

literally this is js abt how Choso would more then likely act if he was Y/N's bf/husband.

Choso's personality: calm, chill, doesn't like attention nor does he crave it, likes to be more in the shadows, clingy, honestly inlove with you & refuses to notice any other woman thats not you.

hes a homebody

fempoc reader x choso

-----------------------------------------------------

Scenario #1:

Out of you two, you were the one that was outgoing, extroverted & loved being the center of attention around crowds of people. You were always the spotlight in any circumstance, whether you liked it or not (which you always did.)

Choso on the other hand simply hated it, he hated the thought of having all eyes on him or being around more than 2-3 people, or people in general. Anyone who wasn't you simply didn't have his attention, nor did he want to indulge in any conversation with them.

Anytime you two went to a party it was strictly him following you around like a lost puppy, & you jumping from place to place to at least have a small conversation with almost everyone at the large gatherings.

So today when you mentioned you two having to attend a party with more people than the last, he was truly sick to his stomach as much as he wanted to vomit he held it in.

His stomach churned as he wanted to curl into a ball, all he wanted to do was stay home with you, only you.

"Choso comeee onnn!! lets see the light in this one thing!" you encouraged as you tugged on his arm, he wouldnt budge, not even a little. He slouched into the couch beneath him, manspreading in a desperate attempt to make you change your mind without actually telling you to change your decision.

"So stubborn," you blurted out as he huffed and puffed, you two were truthfully opposites. Moving closer to him, relaxing into the couch you begged and pleaded.

"Just this one time, baby, pleaseee.." you whispered into his ear, sending a slight shiver down his spine as the small hairs on his neck rose. "Baby," did something to him, made him feel some type of way that he'd never felt before.

Made him act out.

"I don't want to." Chosos rough voice echoed throughout the house, spooking you as you almost forgot the sound of his voice. Despite that, this only made you frustrated, now thinking of it though, you two go out almost all of the time? maybe you could stay in the house this one time.

"Okayyy fine!!" Choso was more than relieved at this point he took this moment as a miracle, in the blink of an eye he swiftly pulled you closer, you sat in between his spread legs as he wrapped his arms around your waist, snuggling into your bare shoulder, although his actions took you by surprise, you were satisfied.

Maybe staying at home wasn't too bad.

-----------------------------------------------------

Scenario #2

You had your phone turned off for a few hours, all you wanted was to finally get sleep, even if it was just for a little over 4 hours, you barely slept yesterday or the day before that. Your body was starting to feel like you were floating, as if you were naturally high.

Choso had been blowing up your phone for the past few hours, naturally you didn't know that, you felt at peace until..

BOOM.

My door swung open aggressively as it hit the wall behind it, my red, lowlided eyes shot openas I jerked awake immediately.

"fuck.." I whined to myself as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, barely processing that someone was towering over my figure from behind. The second I noticed the bigger shadow that ate mine up alive, I stiffened.

I barely could force any words out of my mouth, I couldn't even pry my lips apart. I soon felt a strong hand putting its entire weight on my shoulder, I swallowed the lump in my throat as my legs went limp. Was he going to kill me? were they even a he?

"I called you 79 times, facetimed you 20, and texted you at least 60, i even went as far as to check your social media account for any activity. I thought you were DEAD." Choso tightened his grip on my shoulder as despite the situation I was in, I felt relieved that I wasn't near death.

Until I took a moment of realization, that's not normal.

"m-my phone was turned off.." I stuttered as I tried to finally form an actual sentence, It was like I had to remember how to speak. Choso loosened his grip on my shoulder and eventually his hand dropped. At that point I hadn't realized that I had been holding my breath the entire time until I let out a loud sigh.

Soon Choso grasped onto the fact that he probably looked like a psychopath right now, especially after saying his actions outloud in the open which allowed him to register everything. Understanding how bad this situation might've seemed.

"O-oh well um, I realized that I might've acted out." He lowly said as he directed his attention elsewhere, to the floor beneath him clearly disappointed in himself. I shifted around as I turned to face him, the vulnerability was clear.

This side of Choso was a rare sight. I let out another sigh, this time a little louder than the last.

"Choso, I don't blame you, I completely understand, my love." I stood on my toes as I cupped the side of Chosos face in my hand, gently grazing my lips onto his. Completely unfazed by him acting like a literal crazy person.

-----------------------------------------------------

Scenario #3

You had been crying silently for a good hour and a half now, not because something major happened to make you completely bawl your eyes out but because you felt like you needed this.

During your crying session your phone began to vibrate from under your curled up position, lazily searching for your phone as it rung back to back, assuming it wouldn't stop until you decided to answer you finally found it, the caller ID flashed the screen as it was Choso.

Your face instantly lit up, but he couldn't see you like this, in such a spot, such a negative position. Using the little bit of power that you had left, you wiped away your excess tears, leaving your face slightly damp but that was fine.

You repeatedly rubbed your puffy red eyes, trying to get rid of as much evidence of you crying as possible. Once you were fully sure that he wouldn't notice you answered the phone, plastering a gentle smile on your face.

"Hii my heart, hows the trip?" your voice slightly cracked, not enough for it to be too obvious but you naturally noticed it. You tilted the phone up to face you as you noticed how alarmed he seemed.

"Have you been crying? whats going on?!" he was extremely concerned, and more importantly confused, what had happened during the few hours that he had been gone?

"N-no, I mean no I haven't!" you quickly resorted to calming him down, he was usually a calm person until it came to you, until something involved you.

"I'm coming over, the plane is delayed regardless." before you could stop him and beg for him to go on the trip he had been waiting for, he hung up. With barely enough energy to rapidly type your phone slipped out of your loose grip, you fell back onto the bed as you stared at the ceiling.

A little over thirty minutes passed until you heard the sound of the front door unlocking and forcefully shutting. Your room was upstairs and one of the first rooms that you encountered once you started walking down the long hallway.

Before you knew it Choso came barging in, with chocolates in one hand and your favorite flowers in the other.

"Sorry I took too long, I just needed to make a few stops." he said it like it was a normal thing, a normal thing for him to leave the airport, he'd been boasting about the trip for 2 months straight, even when you dreaded hearing about it you still listened to every detail.

"Choso I said im fi-" just when you thought the chocolates and bouquet were the only thing he'd brought, he had also bought a small brown teddybear, you stared in awe as he brought it to the side of the bed you were on.

"You were clearly crying, i wasn't born yesterday." his tone was stern, as he wasn't taking no or anything of that nature for an answer.

You were his first priority before anything.

He began to open the box of chocolates as he gently grabbed you, wrapping one arm around your waist as he held you close, he shifted his figure on the bed just so you were comfortable, the back of your head rested against his solid chest.

"Open." he commanded as you opened your mouth slowly, he stuffed a small piece of chocolate into your mouth, you soon chewed on the little bit of white chocolate.

"What about your trip?" you asked with a hint of concern in your tone, about something he completely disregarded, completely forgot about all for your wellbeing.

"I mean, fuck it."

He said with a slight shrug, resuming to feeding you more of the delicious chocolate.

-----------------------------------------------------

ugh i love choso // I own none of the artwork used, credits to the artists of any piece of art used.

[whole-circus]

Can you do when the Proxies, Eyeless Jack, and Slenderman, find out the reader has a extra appendage like a tail? Although the reader doesn't hide it they just use it like a belt but rarely use it?? (How has your day been? Also please make sure to not stress yourself)

Creepypastas with reader that has a tail!

➥ with "Ticci" Toby, Masky, Hoodie, Eyeless Jack, Slenderman

Hi love!!! Thank you and remember to take care about yourself too!!&lt;3 Im going a bit insane in my room lol But I hope you felt at least okay!

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚

"Ticci" Toby

Toby finds you so cool! He wouldnt really notice at first that its actual tail, but how long he can stay clueless? When he finally gets it, he is so excited i swear. You almost make him wish that he had tail instead, but he cant complain since his partner have it! Toby will beg you to touch it and play with it, he is way happier about the tail than you (and you literally live with this things.. with tail, not toby). Loves to lay down with you and cuddle, your tail wrapped around his hand/ leg/just anything. Loves playing with it when he needs to keep his hands busy. Toby would be also respectful if you dont like having your tail touched becasue i can only imagine how sensitive it is, just say the word and he will act like it doesnt even exist congrats, now he will play with your hand!

Masky

Honestly wouldnt make a big deal out of it? Masky is a simple man, and i feel like he wouldnt even noticed at first if you wear it as belt, would just think that you have weird fashion sense but who he is to judge?? But then it turns out that its actual tail? You are person of many suprises, arent you? Listen, he would definitely calls you some of this cheesy petnames like kitten or puppy just becasue of your tail 💀..like please, punch him or something. Overall good boyfriend, will fight for you and stroke your tail??

Hoodie

Good luck with him! Hoodie wants to touch it a lot! Its not like there are a lot of chances in life to pet someone tail, huh? Who can blame him in such cruel condictions..? Even if you use it as a belt, he loves when you just..let it swing by itself! That way he has easier acces to it, and i mean it - boy is in heaven. He would definitely tease you so so much! Hoodie will anno and you can expect at least couple of funny comments about your tail daily (or at least he thinks they are funny). I see him wearing a fake tail just to mess with you to be honest. Hoodie isnt the worst person, you will definitely get a lot of attention from him! Is it good or bad? I will let you decide!

Eyeless Jack

Okay, Jack really enjoyes having "not-so-normal" partner (well, in term of being a human). He tends to be a bit insecure sometimes about what he is, so you make it all a bit easier to him to be honest. Doesnt feel as weird - and of course he doesnt want you to feel this way! He is pretty observant (and well, have amazing senses), so propably noticed it when you used it as a belt, no need to tell him twice! Absolutely loves to make you flustreted!! Will tease the shit out of you, i mean it. Definitely will like to caress it and play with it (pls he is a bit like a cat), later will chuckle in his husky tone when you are embarassed and tell him to stop

Slenderman

Slenderman wont say too much..well not like he is the most talkactive person! He is fascinated by people, loves observing them and to learn about their nature..does it really matter for what reasons? We will just move on with that.. Anyways, if you ask me, Slender as not-human-creature likes seeing how everyone is diffrent event tho he had seen already a lot! There is really tiny wall between his hate and fascination for humans. But dont worry, its you who we talk about! He will ask some questions, but in his subtle and gentlemanly way! It doesnt matter to him if you are a bit diffrent, becasue he sees it more as your advantage than disadvantage! Slenderman would be more into intelect than look anyway i think. Wont touch your tail tho..well maybe not without your consent, but he just doesnt really care, he has seen almost everything in his 'life'.

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚　

[mugzymiik]

my tpc headcanons bc why not :D

SOME CHARS I DONT HAVE TOO MANY FOR (IF I HAVE ANY FOR THEM AT ALL) :sob::sob::sob:

[last updated: may 14, 2024]

main chars:

caretakers:

Cube:

trans FtM

he and Lythorus have absolutely been down bad for each other in the past but they never brought it up at all (until really recently now they kis!!!! they kiss!!!!! they kissy k)

REALLY likes cats

has a pretty good tolerance to the cold. all cubes do (in my headcanons anyway) but his is especially great

used to have really bad control over his strength (he and Lythorus HAVE had a pillow fight in the way past and Lyth got smacked into the wall on complete accident)

back when he and Lythorus started dating he tried to rest his head on top of Lythorus's as a way of affection and he proceeded to get stabbed by the spike

Iris:

has a really deep voice. but at the same time he somehow also sounds like a really tired teenager who works retail

Pentellow:

has a british accent

also knows a frightening amount of very unsettling fun facts

shes the tallest out of the non-monster caretakers (so herself, Iris and Cube). why? fuck you. fuck you is why /HEVJ/VSILLY

Pyrare:

he "talks with his hands" >:] i stole this hc from a friend btw/hj/lhj (hi Tea /silly)

he and Ketches are close friends i also stole this hc :3

heroes:

Cyan:

likes to follow people around!!! and also doesnt like being left alone for long periods of time

Orange:

eepy lil guy :D

Tsavorite and him are each other's impulse control. ofc its mostly Orange whos keeping Tsavorite from walking straight into a landmine (/j ofc) but they keep each other out of trouble (most of the time at least)

if bored enough but not eepy enough to take a nap or smth he CAN AND WILL end up somewhere thatll have everyone wondering "HOW DID HE GET THERE-"

Tsavorite:

genderfluid and uses any pronouns. :3c he? yes! they? yes! she? yes! literally any neopronoun(s)? HELL YEAH!!!

also has a british accent

constantly compares Orange to an actual orange (teasingly ofc)

very alert, but "backwards". like. he'll be able to notice a cool beetle from 5 feet away but wouldnt be able to tell you where Orange headed off to despite being right next to him just a few seconds ago

shows affection thru hugs and pokes. basically just. physical touch

adding onto the last one!!! if he cant be physically affectionate they will just give random ass gifts :D

knows a lot abt physical weapons to the point where its honestly a littol unnerving because hOW DOES HE KNOW ABT ALL THIS-

the shortest out of all the Heroes once theyre all matured. and theyre so pissed abt it to this day /silly

actually really likes horror elements in media

can hold intense eye contact for extended periods of time without blinking (and has intimidated multiple people with it on complete accident)

can and will fistfight someone over chicken nuggets btw

HATES the snow. and all the other Heroes tease them (/aff) abt it ever since they all found out bc "we thought you loved EVERYTHING"

owns a shitton of pins i dont take criticism on this one sorry /vlh

does NOT care for formalities. like. at all. like say if he met a "King Guy" he wouldnt say "King Guy" hed just say "Guy"

Gold:

knows Spanish and PSL (Paradisian Sign Language). this is a hill i will die on/j

has bit Tsavorite multiple times for holding him BUT Tsav didnt really care so he eventually just got used to it and now theyre besties :)

tall. tall fuck. everyones confused asf bc hes not physically related to Pyrare so he couldnt get those kinda """genes""" but hes still REALLY fuckin tall (when matured ofc)

does NOT like water AT ALL (self-projection beam GO/j)

VERY SNAKE-LIKE!!! he can hiss. he has fangs. and hes more sensitive to chilly weather and the cold than most other shapes

despite his sensitivity to cold weather he does love snow

whenever hes nervous and/or anxious he just starts singing random songs but in a purposely bad way (haha what do uou Mean im self projecting um)

↓

Cyanide:

has multiple songs pirated on herself. i do not take criticism/j

tall for an unmatured hero :3c

gets attached to people very very easily, but mostly people who show her even just an ounce of kindness :(

whenever she's trying to "hide something", she uses very detailed language,,for example, if she did something like sneaking out or smth she'd say "greetings" instead of just "hi" or "hello"

"lags" more whenever its hot out

being ANYWHERE around her at ANY point in time is a BIG fuckin risk because she can play Never Gonna Give You Up/Whistle/that stickbug gif on herself on command /SILLY

groups:

chipzel:

Purpex:

i dont have any for her as of rn D:

Marcle:

really likes chicken nuggets. its really random but she LOVES chicken nuggets

Squadril:

is CONSTANTLY called short by Purpex and Marcle + everybody in all the other groups (teasingly ofc)

bossfight:

Cintagon:

Round <3

is absolutely dating Circumsphere

bisexual and also polyamorous :D if he was given the choice between getting his dead wife back or staying with Circumsphere he would choose both with ZERO hesitation

Circumsphere:

i dont have any rn :[

danimal cannon:

Quintagon:

very strong for a pentagon (once when she n Hexagram were younger she hit him and he had a big ass bruise for a few days)

Hexagram:

has a very bad obsession with vikings, which is why his corrupt form has a "viking"-ish look

Polyhedron:

i got none rn :<

big giant circles:

Circumuscle:

doesnt swear very often so when he does its a shock to everyone/lhj

a big softie! to those he deeply cares abt tho

he has to be gentle whenever he hugs someone bc hes gonna break someones back someday if he isnt/lhj

Rincle:

IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF CIRCUMUSCLE SWEARING-WISE if she is given a single chance to say Fuck she WILL absolutely take it with zero hesitation at all/lhj

Spheer:

they and Circumuscle have an "older brother + younger sibling" dynamic

has a british accent as well

Cirtunda:

i dont got any for her either D:

other:

Lythorus:

very distractible

also said in Cube's section; he and Cube were absolutely down bad for each other in the past but never actually acknowledged it (untill recently now they smooch)

aquatic flower (explained further in the world-wise "shape related" section)

has a VERY bad fear of insects

hes 6ft. and he and Cube have a running joke with this using his name as a measurement. something's exactly 12ft tall? its 2 Lythoruses tall actually/j/lhj

Heli:

nonbinary!!! and uses he/she/they pronouns :D

he and Ketches r like,,partners. take that in any way possible

has the ability to form a body beneath her, buuuut she prefers to fly

a sweetheart through and through. but when/if they do decide to get silly and start teasing people sometimes he accidentally takes it way too far

Ketches:

absolutely has a "pirate" accent r u kidding me/lhj

also has the ability to form a body like Heli

is an uncle figure to Gold

can honk. not like a duck i mean like a boat. "WOOAOAOAOAORRRR" <- that kinda honk

corrupts:

Dub:

he can purr. i dont take criticism sorry/hj/lhj

he and Barracuda were gay as FUCK i will DIE on this hill istg/lhj

took guitar classes before he and Cuda went pinksauced

left a seat in the tower's "main room" just in memory of Barracuda. little does he actually know--/lhj

Barracuda:

is actually a ghost rn!! after Dub escaped from the seal he just roams around the tower and also occasionally chills next to Dub (even if Dub cant see him at all + has no idea he's even there)

Cubic:

bitch

he and Lycanthropy have BEEF for some godforesaken reason

Cube HAS tried to stick up to him once in the dreamscape(??? is that whats its called???) but Cubic IMMEDIATELY shot him down using a threat against Cyan

Ajaceare:

idk rn D:

George:

his spikes are different from other flowers'; most flower's spikes are pretty sharp, but his never sharpened from childhood, and thus are a little "dull-ended"

Hexacrigon:

idk for her either rn

Cintagram:

manipulative as FUCK. the only person he hasnt ever lied to is Circumcannon

speaking of which. he and Circumcannon still kiss/lhj

Circumcannon:

no ideas,,again😭😭😭

Hexadic:

same as all the others

Lycanthropy:

the only thing keeping he and Cubic from fistfighting each other every time they see each other is that they both know that 1) Dub WILL somehow find out and WILL get their asses and 2) Cubic is strong enough to actually kill Lycanthropy if they fight too hard. and Cubic doesnt wanna fling himself into boiling hot water (not literally ofc) + Lycanthropy doesnt wanna die to THIS bitch's hand

a lot of the other corrupted flowers see him as a "general"/"commander" due to Lythorus being leader of the (uncorrupted at least) flowers

should NOT be trusted with any kind of powertools ever

he can go fuckin insane on the drums

Circubit:

pretty close friends with Macabre

would absolutely dj in his spare time

world-wise hcs:

shape related:

spheres are the speediest out of all the shapes

cubes have a natural resistance to the cold

some flowers have the ability to live entirely underwater, its kinda like a "subtype" for them; theyre often referred to as "aquatic flowers"

flowers have fangs :3c chompers even!!!

spheres are the most likely out of any other shape "species" to be able to grow hair

flowers are naturally tall as shit!!!

flowers' spikes arent as "sharp" when theyre young- they "sharpen up" quite a bit as they get older, though

adding onto the last one, aquatic flowers' spikes are a little more on the duller side

other/unrelated to anything else:

some shapes dont have a "combat ability"

all of the group members of a certain area have meetups sometimes, and occasionally ALL of the groups meet up as a whole (pretty rare considering the size of Paradise, but it still happens at times!)

all the heroes have an odd obsession with going in and out of windows instead of doors. there could be an open door right next to a window and any one of them would still open the window and go right out of it

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi miss L, i have a spiritual/religious question and i don't know anyone else who could answer it.... since i was a kid i've been attracted to tarot, spirituality, mystical explanations of the worlds workings, astrology, all that good stuff. i never used to connect my spirituality to a single higher power, and i never had any issues with this. for a few years i've been wanting more than just a disturbingly accurate tarot spread and i feel compelled towards god. i'm not sure how to word it honestly! i keep getting messages all around me telling me the saint that watches over me, and that god is there too. so here's my issue.

whenever i reach out and pray or do any kind of ritual or reach out specifically to god or a saint, my life immediately starts going haywire. yesterday i set up a small shrine in my room for my dead kitty since i've been feeling better about her passing and i prayed a little. i asked for sign that i was going in the right direction, and hours after i prayed, our sink plumbing got clogged, my cat (living) ran out and had to be caught, my mom dropped a whole bowl of food, and i wasn't able to pick up groceries bc the bank cards wouldnt work. this never happens in my household, we've been joking that we're cursed. this happens everytime i try to reach out to god. the worst time was when my mom lost her job, dad crashed his car, and i kept having panic attacks out of the blue for a week. i freaked out and took everything i said back and bathed in salt water for hours hoping i could cleanse whatever happened to me. it worked and my life was back to normal the next day.

do you have any advice? i would love to put my trust in a higher power as i've never been religious before, but smthn is going wrong somehow.

thank you for reading, i love seeing you on the dash and your music is so soothing and nostalgic. much love!! <3 <3 <3 <3

so sweet, and caring, thankyou u//u...im sorry things have been difficult :< The following message does not in any way endorse the claim that i understand God, that God could ever be understood, or that any one of us should every try to understand the -inner workings- of God ! purely my feelings v v v

i relate to ur background cus i grew up w no religion, my parents didnt talk about any kind of woo-woo stuff, my dads dad was woo-woo AF and my dad haaaaated it so he rejected all of it so i was pree much just a blank slate. but for some reason i was just REALLY obsessed w magical thinking and the like. believed in god spirits nature deities angels demons magic aliens and i was totaly engrossed in ~my secret world~. i was kinda scared of religion tho i viewed it in a bad light since i was learning about it during the george bush post-9/11 era & for some reason my child self was rly interested in consuming critique of america , iraq war / westboro baptist church type stuff , from an outsider's perspective i saw religion as something american people used as justification for committing atrocities & crazy power trips , which, i mean.. anyways

it didnt help me trust God xD but many of my beliefs remained into my teens i just didnt have any outlet for them. so i got into astrology around 15/16, started learning more about tarot & occultish type things, crytstals, all those subjects intrigued me very much. but i felt the same way as you, like, something was still lacking from it, even when i got these super profound tarot readings, or read my birth chart a million times over looking for clues about ~wtf is this stupid life for~ , i never felt safe. never felt assured, never felt i could trust myself or my future. it was an odd period, early 20s. but then kinda same as u, as my knowledge on these topics expanded i started to notice the quality of Holiness a lot more. the more i learned about different religions the more i realized how connected it all was, and how religion connects to "the occult", and magic, light and dark, i find it very hard to put into words. i just started to find myself actually really earnestly believing in God in a way i never thought i could? Like reading the bible & being completely enthralled, i NEVER woulda thought. i started to feel way safer in the world even tho im still not "christian" technicaly. but i believe in jesus now and it makes me feel safe on a cellular level.

i believe the real jesus was wholly non judgemental and loved everyone no matter what, the thing that susses me out about Religious Institutions was always the judgement that can spawn from it. misses the point of everrything in my opinion.

its kinda wild actually cus when i used to be into like, trash reality tv ghost hunting shows, i remember there was one ep where this psychic was talking about how she always prays to jesus for protection before doing a reading or entering a haunted place. that really intrigued me cus i thought jesus and psychic automatically cancelled each other out. i think that moment rly opened up the rabbitehole and it was so mundane like wtf. still rememebr it tho!

sorry im really in a typing mood tonight.. So my next point was gonna be that, just because i started to really believe in god and jesus and really PRAY for protection & guidance, my life did not get easier xD like i would say the past 6 years have been nothing short of a shit show. my life was fucked before that too tho so its hard to compare, but still, its safe to say my shift in perspective actually brought a lot of chaos into mylife. the point of it, i feel, is that i had to dismantle it in order to truly Live in the frequency of trusting God. because this was new to me! i wanted to trust God, i put out the energy of seeking God, and God was like ok hold on tight..

So now i'm here all these years later like, oh yeah God is real and i love him and it's all real. it's CEMENTED into me lol. When i used to say i trust God it still felt like i was asking permission to be able to feel that way. but now i really really do. And messed up stuff will keep happening forever because there needs to be light & dark, there can't b one without the other. But now i have faith in a really personal way that i wld never attempt to transfer onto another like even by talking about these experiences & concepts i still feel like i don't want to prove anything. except that it's worth it to keep trying, i guess :]

and OK this is really just how i feel like take it with a grain of salt , but from what i've gathered, if you believe in energy entities & astral happenings & whatnot, well. it's my opinion that the invisible low frequency parasites that feed on many ppl's dread & fear, when they're attached to u and u begin to raise your vibration, they get very upset and throw a fit. like think of a demon being exorcised, u know, u imagine it having a total fit in a desperate fight for it's life. if ur appeasing the demon and letting it use you then of course it's going to keep things on an even keel, u kno?

taking a salt bath was a good thing to do tho like one of the best things <3 its also good to have crosses or your holy item of choice around the house, light white candles, organize clutter. pray a lot like every time u feel happy and safe or notice something beautiful say thanku to God.. talk to your angels and encourage them i pray a lot specifically to strengthen them, upgrade their armor n shih...i ask them to work for my loved ones, i try to be concentrated on them, visualize them around me all the time, visualize them standing guard outside every door. i feel this kinda stuff increases ur Holy EXP and over time your spiritual armor gets stronger, bad entities move on and things in life start really flow. the trust just has to b there first, and it will be, so long as u allow it <3

it just takes time, and like i said i dont want to prove anything or be The Convincer, but if u were already having feelings to go down this path i recommend not giving up and let God carry u through those tough situations instead of seeing them as an absence of God or God's Wrath. just keep praying cus it can't hurt right, even if it's just a way to occupy your mind with kind thoughts about your friends and family, there's no downside to prayer. its your own journey so u just gotta live it and feel it out ^^ but pls dont feel u are being punished by God or demons or anything else! So many "bad" things that happen end up being neutral or even "good" in the long run. We can never foresee the reasoning behind God's plan ~~~

yeah, this was a long one, wow...i drank a energy drink 12 hours ago i think it made me hyper.. well have a swell evening if ur reading this anon!! o also i liek to listen to psalms before bed to help me feel calm i feel like it helps bring in angels. i think i will do so now, thanks for the Q i hope things improve for u very soon. Good night anon < 3 3 3 PMD 9

[duncanxtrent]

Alright season 2 thoughts below (Spoilers obviously)

Scary Girl was funny, but disappointing at the same time. I really wish she was at the very lesst somewhat antagonistic rather than just being a comic character. But I enjoyed her screamtime if nothing else

Chase had the exact amount of screen time he deserved, which is to say little to none. While pne dimensional jerks can be annoying, they gave him enough screentime that he was funny without becoming annoying. Perfect

Millie was upsetting. I really thought she could have done a bit better this season but she just kinda stayed lazy. Its kinda frustrating.

Emma was also upsetting. She once again had incredible potential to do better but Episode 4 just threw her in the trash. Even when it was so clearly Priyas fault… Upsetting.

Nichelle was ROBBED! Perfect character tbh but she got out WAY too early. I wouldnt have even been upset if she didn’t win but 5th eliminated was WAY too soon. Undeserved in my opinion.

Bowie was perfect this season. Didnt stay too long, had an interesting arc while he was here that built on his first one, and he was just fun to watch! Slay the day away my king.

Ripper was better this season. I do think him being a simp for Axel is… odd but he wasn’t annoying by any means. Maybe he could have done a little bit more than Axel but otherwise he was fine.

Axel on the other hand was SIGNIFICANTLY worse. She had so much potential to be a good competitor but Ripper just fucking dragged her down to his level. I am shaking crying and screaming how could they do this to her?!

Zee was also perfect honestly. Had a qorthwhile arc, didnt stay longer than he needed to, and didnt really harbor bad vibes to anyone. I do think his final episode could have been handled slightly better but I enjoyed him nonetheless.

MK I was sad to see go but she was fun! Her antics were up to 100 and were so much fun. Shes the Duncan of the season but somehow so much better?! Its honestly amazing how she did it! I likes her.

Once again, Damien was ROBBED! My boy was set for that finale. He was so fucking close, but he failed HARD! I expected Julia to steal the immunity idol but even still it sucked. Poor Damien, youre a finalist in my heart.

Priya overstayed her welcome but she wasnt bad I would have personally had her early merge or pre merge but her relationship with Caleb wasn’t uninteresting. But it did feel unnecessary. There were better options.

Caleb was alright IG. His arc between Julia and Priya was interesting character wise but I just couldn’t find myself rooting for him. He just didn’t interest me enough. Sorry Caleb, you just weren’t enough IG

Julia was AMAZING! She was such an asshole the whole season and played the game so well, so seeing her finally lose was ROYALLY satisfying. That and her and MK being lesbians for the whole season. That was hella nice.

Raj and Wayne make me wanna scream. They werent bad, and its not upsetting in the fact they did well, but its the fact they had virtually NO CHARACTER outside of each other. Wayne and Raj claimed to miss Damien after the show but they rarely interacted with him. Wayne claimed to try and be buds with Julia, but she hung out with Priya more than anything. Maybe its just the lack of Daily Life and the focus of Priya and Caleb, but I was FURIOUS when Wayne won. And hes my favorite character!

Overall, this season’s writing was dogshit. The elimination order wasnt bad, but the writing left me feeling incredibly disappointed. I just hope theyll take criticism from Season 2 and make the writing of season 3 better.

[1tsjusty0u]

ackshually. how does knighthood work. is link's whole journey into knighthood same as canon or are there any changes? how did he feel about it

ALSO MILITARY TRAINING GROUNDS

knighthood….

alright so. this will be kind of uh. silly? but to me knighthood/Being A Knight is like. School. except instead of paperwork its training. get up at 5 am with 4 hours of sleep because 7-8 hours of your day was work with a 30 minute lunch break and either legally or socially your expected to/Have to go there and youre treated lesser than the instructor and can be punished for reasonable things and have to jump through hoops/use fae trickery to have sick days or not go in but still get like. the required credits/required training thingies due to broken bones or Really Bad sickness. just sucks ass. itd probably get more bearable the more ranks you go up, and the akkala citadel is probably the best possible place for knights to be honestly. i can imagine rooms being there and also im pretty sure the fort is for like. ships and stuff. so how much work actually goes on there is debatable. though im pretty sure theres a map of it in age of calamity i! have not played it nor emulated it yet </3 so i cant say how accurate this is. also im having guards only really be at like. castle town/posts like the east post ruins not hateno or lurelin. maybe guard the entrances as time goes on/if danger grows/link simply books it but Thats It. knights as well they only really follow the princess/do things around royal hylian buildings. its probably weird to specify but. yeag

i think it is? for canon he gets the mastersword at 13 and from zeldas diary hes only appointed as her knight like. recently/at 16. before then he was affiliated with it due to his father (miphas diary?). so probably. for wreath i dont think he ever actually becomes a knight/is in the royal army until 13 (which if he was for forced into it i think he Wouldnt be happy about it initially/his dad scared him by telling him about it.) so up until that point his dad basically just Visited from time to time and he got to hang out and do sword things which he didnt really think about besides “YEAAAAH SWORD FIGHTINF :D” until hes actually in the army. when he Is in the military if he didnt hate it before he does now!! if he could quit with no repercussions he would the second he could, but he views it as ‘theres no other options for me + my futures shit and fucked on if i dont do this/leave illegally’ so. yeah! and his dad really does Not help at all. how military-y any of this actually is is very debatable, and truthfully i could probably make this more accurate (my. sighs. my brother joined the actual military because free healthcare. hes not in like. the fighting department but hes still trained for that. the first weeks were at some fort and it was Hell for him. like he had to sit in close to genuine freezing weather with no actual cold gear besides his uniform and his orders kept getting mixed up constantly??? different sargents all said different things and gave them different orders. like once he got past that point/fort my dad joked that he probably felt like nothing could be worse than that. so theoretically i could make it like that for link. will i is the question. sorry for the . not infodump but personal dump).

the training grounds!!! i personally think thats how he got into the lost woods but the actual amount of times hes been there is sparse (until hes knighted). he probably viewed it as a playground as first but when he has to do actual training there he would despise it so badly. but this is where drills and such happen and i think itd be sectioned off (because if i recall correctly theres like. terraces? of mud? like theres different sections of mud and buildings) for different drills. knights probably go there daily while guards Dont. i think itd just pain your muscles. also the mud was probably always there and not after the calamity. i dont think thered be any monsters in there? just because it would cause collateral not because the royal family/army is against putting up soldiers and monsters against each other. otherwise nnot much to say? link would get muscle cramps constantly probably he does Not know any stretches. but yeag. i like how gaffen is born in rauru settlement and while im not doing that for wreath link i Do like the idea of rauru settlement being connected to the military/military training grounds. itd probably be where knights stay at first maybe? or it could be be unrelated which would be kind of funny considering noise complaint possibilities. trying to sleep but these stupid knights keep clashing their stupid swords

[apple-pecan]

Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy (2001)

jak, the vaugely anime-esque boy with no personality, and his way more personable best friend and sidekick daxter, sneak onto misty island for the epic lulz. one thing leads to another and daxter is accidentally knocked into some dark ooze and TFed into an ottsel, an otter weasel hybrid. finding him to be way too marketable now, jak and daxter embark on a quest to change him back to normal. that's all the story yer gettin, so time to make like mario and collect as many power stars cells as humanly possible.

while on paper this would be a bog standard 3d platformer collectathon game, there's a few things that set it apart. the big thing is you're not jumping into paintings or portals to go to different stages or something; rather, the entire world is interconnected, making this one of the first open world games so to speak. and the cool thing is there's hardly any load times! there is a drawback to this though; you have to leave each area the way you came in, and if you're not used to the level layout for each area it can take a while to find your way back. i know the last time i played this game years ago i got stuck on snowy mountain and got too infuriated to keep playing. not this time~!

missions range from "find the power cell somewhere in the stage" to "help out an NPC and they'll give you a power cell" or even "pay an npc with precursor orbs and they'll give you a power cell" and maybe sometimes you'll be like "find 7 red coins scoutflies and get a power cell" and there's the odd mission where it's all like "lick daxter's feet and he'll give you nothing in return also you have to get mouthwash now." okay i made that one up. or did i... ANYWAY, you'll be doing a lot of different things to get these power cells and it's all pretty fun and engaging. gotta catch em all!

the controls are pretty solid for the most part, although sometimes i ran into issues where jak just wouldnt double jump for some reason or wouldnt grab onto ledges. other than that though the movement was fun and i liked spinning around breaking crates. wait am i talking about crash bandicoot or... well, they ARE by the same developer. one other thing i had an issue was the health collectables. you only have three hit points, with no stat upgrades whatsoever to increase it. this wouldn't be that much of an issue if it didn't take 50 whole green eco orbs to replenish ONE hit point. for the record, most enemies just drop 3 or 4, and a lot of stages arent exactly brimming with enemies sometimes. so just dont get hit as much as possible. i feel like if they halved the amount of eco orbs to replenish your health this wouldve been mitigated somewhat.

there are also vehicle sections, where you ride a zoomer (no, not that kind of zoomer) to try and get from one "hub" area to the next. these make your controller vibrate like fucking crazy and whenever one finally ends i feel all weird and tingly. i dont know if this is a good or bad thing but hey it's worth mentioning.

the story is not really existent after the beginning of the game up until you near the end, which is fine for a game like this. i quite liked the ending where jak and daxter find some mystical energy that can defeat the bad guys but it could also change daxter back to normal, so he has to decide if he wants to either become unmarketable again or save the world from destruction. guess what happens. the music fits the game, its basically more subdued crash bandicoot music. not something i'd particularly listen to outside of the game but it does add to the lighthearted mood of the game. graphics are honestly still kind of amazing to this day; the characters look like living cartoons and the different environments are breathtaking. i love the shot when you first leave the green sage's hut and see sandover village sprawl before you; can't even imagine how amazing this must've looked back in 2001.

all in all, this is a solid, fun collectathon, a great first (and ultimately last) attempt at the genre by naughty dog. yeah, thats right, they never did anything like this again. a few months before this game came out, a little game known as grand theft auto iii came out and permanently changed gaming forever. it had all the open environments like this but with more gameplay variety besides jump here and collect stuff. more importantly you could steal peoples cars and shoot people in the face. so naughty dog took one look at this and said "this is just what our mascot platformer series NEEDS!" so in jak 2 you can ALSO steal peoples cars and shoot people in the face. and then they decided to cut the cartoony middle man entirely and make uncharted and the last of us, which use photorealistic graphics instead, and get rid of the open world shit and make it so it's JUST shooting people in the face. oh well, it was fun while it lasted!

8/10

NOTE: i like how for both crash and jak, the last games in both series naughty dog would make are racing games. im sure its been brought up before but it's still funny to me. now when are they gonna make the last of us kart racing game already..........

[compassionatereminders]

hello kat! i hope you are doing really well 💗 i wanted to talk about something and i also wanted your opinion on it. i had an online friend from another country (like a neighbour country but its actuallt supposed to be our enemy. that never fazed me or him.) we became close friends over time. we first started talking on twitter in 2016 due to being in the same fandom. he was 4 years older than me. during those years, i had a crush on him and then it faded. i also learnt more aboult my sexuality and realised i would never be happy with a guy (i thought i was straight the entire time so 😭) anyways it was .. "toxic" at times in the sense that i had an unhealthy attachment + he acted oblivious regarding my feelings. fast forward to the pandemic time, we grew even closer. he started sharing things with me related to his family and life in a more casual way on his own. in late 2021, he ghosted me for a month straight. i was hurt and told him how worried i was due to covid etc but i continued to talk to him. this happened again in 2022, and i told him that if it happened for the third time, i would not be able to take it. it happened again. and i lost trust. he asked for a chance while telling me about his sick grandfather. so i gave it to him reluctantly. fast forward to december 2022, i was extremely su*cidal and had been since september 2022. i was in a really bad condition but somehow gave my finals in october. i spoke to him about it during that time and he just gave me some responses which made me feel like he didnt care or yhat he didnt understand and did not even want to. i was in a really bad place. and then he ghosted me again. i cpule not take it and ended up blocking him on whatsapp because i was trying to survive. january and february 2023 werw horruble (i am still a student and i had all these mid sems and vivas and projects that i could not bring myseld to do but i had to.) i unblockef him in march. my birthdya was on the 25th and he sent me a birthday message. i replied. and then on the 26th i told him i wanted to end our friendship. he said he had texted me while i had blocked him in january. his grandfather died in january. i told him i wouldnt have blocked him if iw ould have known about his ciecumstances. he told me he thought i had given him a chance. i told him, what else was i supppsed to do? then i accidentally told him that my college friend had blocked him and he values privaxy a lot. i .. proceeded to tell him how it went down (this was so so impulsive and i am so ashamed and guilty.) and he was like wth are you talking about. we have been friends for 6 plus yeats and you are telling me your friend blocked me? he said if uou dont trust ne there is no point in dragging this friendhsip or whatever we jave rn, and said his goodbye. i had my final exams going on (i falied in 3 of those october exams and had to give them again, so this time my ass was om the line. i need to pass in all subjects this time or else .. i will have to repeat the entire year.) so i sobbed a lot after reading his messages. tried to control. gave my exams which were egery single day somehow. they ended4 days ago. and then i decided i would text him back. on the 10th. with a cool mind. and trying not to say something wrong. also because i wanted to give him some space and figured he wpuld be amgry and woildnt want to talk to me. but he blocked me. and im not complaining, because its fair enough. its just that .. i was going to teply. maybe he thought i dont care or im not bothered but i do. and i am. i just wanted to apologuse to him and wanted him to know that i cared for him. im not sure i put it in yhe best way in this message but yeah .. i cant stop thinking about what was going on in his mind when he blocked me. i know i was wrong. but now im wuestioning my perception in general, and ami a bad person? is there something fundamnetally wrong with me? im just so .. i hate myself for this.

You're not a bad person, but it honestly sounds like it's time to let go of this "friendship". Because it doesn't sound like either of you have been happy with it for years. You obviously have different expectations and investments, and you'd be better off looking for friends who actually desire the same level of connection as you do

[lunargrapejuice]

Lunaaaa

I know how you feel :( I am here to support you 🩷✨ the weekend will be over faster than you know it!!!!

So to keep you occupied (for now), I have a few questions for you!!! It’s me trying to get to know you.

1. Your favourite comfort food?

2. Your go-to recipe that you consider yourself to be the best in?

3. Your all time favourite anime?

4. If you could go to one place on this planet that you’ve never been, where would you go and why?

5. This is a tough and cruel one. I am sorry. I am just curious. Fuck Marry Kill - Genshin edition - Diluc Kaveh and Neuvillette

6. Do you get your nails done? If yes, what has been your favourite set so far?

I’ll have more for you when you’re done replying to these 🥰 hang in there, girl 🩷

nats!! hi babes! thank you so much for keeping me company 🥺 i am absolutely here to support you too, being away from our beloveds is so so hard but i really hope their time away from us goes by quickly!🩷

i love hearing from you & getting to know too, really this makes me so happy 😭🩷 thanks for being my friend you are so sweet & wonderful💕💕 im excited to answer these heh

1. ooo i love food so this is hard to pick just one haha if im having a bad day or just need some comfort im going for sushi or mexcian like enchilada with rice & beans or a smothered burrito mhm it’s making me hungry just thinking about it

2. i cook a lot since im the only one in my house of 3 that really knows how to cook lol so id say i have a lot of recipes but my favorite go to to share with others is japchae, it’s a korean dish with sweet potato noodles & veggies with a yummy soy sauce marinade it’s really good! i made it for my husbands family once & his dad & uncles had me totally crying when they told me it tasted just like it had when they were growing up in korea & it made them so happy to have it again 🥺

3. oh my gosh this is so hard too! it’s honestly a tie between jjk & fruits basket, i go back to both so much i love them dearly 🩷

4. ireland! half of my family is from ireland & im named after a river there so id really love to go 🥰

5. HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME OH MY GOD

fuck kaveh

marry diluc

kill neuvi IM SORRY BABY PLEASE DONT CRY HYDRO DRAGON I WOULDNT REALLY

6. yes! i am a nail girly for sure, i have a 5 week standing appointment with my girl kiara who’s done my nails for years now, these are probably my favorite sets she’s done for me!

[mercurialmilk]

Grief is an emotion I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.

I gotta get this out for the sake of my soul. It's a really long read.

back in June of 2020, my sister and I found a cat while out for a walk. She was really friendly but looked in really bad shape. She had horrible matted fur all down her back, she was so thin you could feel her entire spine, scratches and old injuries. But she was so curious and bright eyed!

We thought she might be a lost cat so we took her in, sent info to shelters and our block watch captain (oh, the suburbs) and took her to the vet.

They shaved her from the neck down because they couldnt do an exam the mats were so bad.

She was suffering from malnutrition, had several broken bones that healed wrong, beginnings of kidney problems, was partially deaf and had several superficial scratches and bad teeth.

A few days later we found her owners. They said their kids gave them 2 kittens years ago and they just live outdoors mostly. I was really shocked, at that time we lived in the suburbs next to a ravine filled with wildlife. Coyotes were seen almost every night.

They said that her brother died a little while ago from a coyote.

I was completely furious but tried to keep cool. I asked if they would be open to us keeping her? They asked why on earth we wanted a 19 year old cat (19 years old!!)

They warned me she had behavioural problems and peed all over their house and the woman (it was a couple) said that she "hated petting her because she was so boney"

Yikes.

We agreed that I could keep her as long as they didnt have to pay the vet bills.

(turns out the man of the couple was a bit more attached to the cats or maybe he felt guilty because a few weeks later he showed up with an envelope with half the cost of vet bills for me)

This cat was supposed to be my sisters. I've never been much of a cat person because growing up our mother would foster cats and the minute you got attached to one it was gone to a new home.

Unfortunately, due to some circumstances, my sister had to go to the hospital for a long time and I became the caretaker for this little girl.

First, I didnt want to let her into my bedroom. Then she wasnt allowed in my actual bed. Then she wasnt allowed to spend the night. All of these rules didnt last long at all.

We found the perfect equilibrium. She loved to sleep on my lap (she's incredibly small and perpetually cold) during the day (I work from home) and at night she would snuggle into the crook of my left arm (always the left) and snore peacefully into my ear.

I moved a few months after getting her. In the summer, she goes out to the patio and sleeps on the warm stones. She has a little harness and a really long leash so that she doesnt wander far. My desk is right by the door so I can sit and watch her. And untangle her when she gets wrapped around the patio furniture.

She never had a single "behavioural problem" like the couple said. She always went to the litterbox perfectly, even on long car trips when visiting my parents.

She doesnt like other cats (I think she is anxious about being bullied) but she likes dogs.

She is now completely deaf, which is great because I dont disturb her sleep with vacuuming or my work.

I completely fell in love. And honestly, she saved my life. She became my perfect companion. I put her on a raw meat diet, her fur grew back beautifully and she feels and looks a lot better!

Thing is, being 19 when I got her, I knew what that meant. I knew the end would come a lot sooner than I'd like so I truly treasure every single moment with her.

Yesterday I got the results of her blood and urine tests. Her kidneys are officially in stage 3 out of 4, meaning that the end is coming.

It could be a few weeks or months but there's no stopping this.

I've never lost a person before but my dog passed away after a prolonged illness in 2018 and it was easily the hardest thing that I've ever been through.

My only regret with my dog was that I was so desperate to keep her alive that I held on too tightly. It's never an easy decision because you dont know if it's the right time.

This time my only goal will be to give her the best possible end. Once she shows me that she's ready to go, I will listen. I already know I'm going to do it at home. I have researched the company that does it.

It probably wont happen for a while. She's still happy, eating ok, sleeping a lot but that's because she's a lil grandma. Right now, her diet is well in line with kidney heath.

I'm still waiting on test results to give me a better picture of how far into stage 3 she is. But the writing is on the wall and I'm full into grief.

Is it better or worse to know it's going to happen soon? Does it matter?

I passed all the stages of grief a long time ago (if you believe in that). I've been at 'acceptance' for a while now. But it really doesnt make it any easier.

I feel so weak and so powerless. I know this will pass and I will survive. I've survived before. I just needed to get this out.

Here's Kida. Although I never call her by her name. She's either Little Girl, Baby or Beloved.

When we first found her:

Vs today:

[berryskaii]

For you only

｡˚.⋆ .⸙͎. ⋆.˚｡ Pairing: Boyfriend!Jaeyun × Fem!Reader

｡˚.⋆ .⸙͎. ⋆.˚｡ Genre: Fluff, Angst!!

｡˚.⋆ .⸙͎. ⋆.˚｡ Warnings: None!

｡˚.⋆ .⸙͎. ⋆.˚｡ Author's Note: Its an angst i wrote a few months ago, made me cry a lot... Hope you will like it as well<3

Jaeyun loved you more than it would ever be possible for a human to love someone. You were his first in everything, and he wanted you to be his last too. He wanted to make you happy in every day of his life and see your smile every morning when waking up next to you. Feel your skin as he hugs or kisses you, touches your hand or draws little nothings on your bare back as the rising sunshine paints your figure beautifully, just for you to turn to him once you wake up and kiss him. He wanted you to cut his hair and he wanted to braid and wash yours, he wanted to sing for you and just hold you close, pulling you onto his lap before going back dancing. He wanted to hear your praises after every little thing he accomplished, looking at you with bright eyes like a little boy. And oh did he compliment you too. He told you how beautiful, precious, talented and smart you are in every way he could. He made you feel more loved than anyone else. He never forgot to tell you that he loves you, but he could say "I love you" in different words too. In the mornings when he left with a "Be safe on the way to work!", when he said "Watch out, the breakfast is still hot!", or when he just said "Sleep well, princess". And then if you had a nightmare, he woke you up and kissed the bad memories away. You were his everything. After long days at work, when he got home all stressed out, when he thought he could yell a mountain away by a few inches, he saw you in your pjs eating some chocolate while watching tv. He snuggled up by your side, hiding his face in your neck, tickling you with his nose while you covered his bare feet with the blanket and fed him with some chocolate so he was warm and comfy. You were head over heels for him, in every meaning. And he loved you, everything about you, as simply as that. He never wanted to lose you.

Then he found out he was going to die. He already felt like dying inside when he thought about leaving you alone. He broke. At first he didnt tell you. He wanted to sort out some things in himself first, even tho he already knew what he was going to do. He just needed to get ready for it. For losing you.

He started to act differently, and you noticed that. Of course you did. He wouldnt ask you for a walk outside anymore, wouldnt tell you how you looked pretty, wouldnt cook food anymore, wouldnt want to get intimate with you anymore. Even when you tried to kiss him, he would turn away coldly. He didnt talk to you, only when you asked. You had to ask him out about this.

"Do you have difficulties at work, babe? Is it tough?" you stood behind him and started massaging his shoulder as he was reading some papers to distract himself. He felt so weak. He couldnt not tell you when you cornered him like this. He was craving for your touches but he knew it was the best if he refused them. Refused you.

"Everything is cool" he said shortly. You were startled. You pursed your lips and dropped your arms in disappointment.

"Then... Tell me honestly. Do you have someone else?" He felt like a zombie. He knew he should lie to you and let you fell out of love with him, let you hate him because that was easier for both of you. But he just couldnt say that he cheated on you.

"No" he cut it short.

"So you just... Dont love me anymore? Is there something wrong with me?" He was so close to telling you about how wrong you are and how perfect you are. He fell into silence.

"Baby, please talk to me. You know, communicating. I dont even know whats up with you anymore, you are the one who always insists on talking things out and here you are not even talking to me for the past week. I had so many ideas about how your work must be overwhelming you, and i somewhat even thought about you liking someone else. But if its with me, then lets just talk it out. Did i hurt you or say something bad? Or i just dont look attractive? Am i too clingy? We can come up with a solution, baby" you reassured him. He teared up a bit.

"I dont want to talk about anything" he sighed, head hanging down.

You licked your lips. "Then what do you want me to do?" you asked silently, not waiting for his answer, taking your coat, bag and keys and left the house pissed.

He felt so lifeless. He wanted to ramble and kick and hit everything. He wanted to ruin everything around him. But he felt like it has all came to an end. As he looked around in the silence, he didnt feel like he belonged here. He thought about you living in here alone, and he couldnt even imagine himself with you. The realization snapped in him - he doesnt belong to you anymore. So, instead, he just took out a small picture of you two together from the frame on the table: it was his favorite picture. He loved that day - it was your 4th anniversary, and you spent it on a picnic. You two went for a walk in the forest on a sunny day. He loved how you prepared that extremely big picnic basket, filled it up with all the goodies, even made heart-shaped tiny nutella sandwiches. You looked so pretty in your sweet pale-blue dress. He loved the way you accidentally blinked on the picture and your face looked so funny. And till this very day you still got grumpy whenever you looked at that picture because you wanted to look prettier, but little did you know that you were the most beautiful human for him, even if you made a funny grimace. He will remember you like this. He will keep you close like this.

He shoved the small picture in his pocket, took his keys and some necessary things he needed. Then, after a last glance at the empty, silent, gloomy living room, he locked the door for the last time in his short life. He disappeared and erased himself from your life as best as he could. You never saw him again, even though you were searching for him. You cried for a hundred nights and had nightmares for a hundred more, thinking he will open the door and hug you, but you never knew he died. And you never knew that on his last breath, he was holding your picture close to his chest, your name falling from his lips before the last beat of his heart, which always had been beating for you only.

Please dont steal/publish/edit/translate my work in any form.

[relatableventpage]

i love you forever and always, I had a this big speech I was going to give you for our 6 month coming up in a few days but now that youre gone I have no one to give it to. I really wish for the best in life and for you to get better with your health. Im always here if you need someone to talk to.

(name), I remember the exact night, time, what I was wearing, what you said to me and the first thing I thought of when we first met. I remember how I literally confessed to you like 4 times and the first 3 you IGNORED ME. But that 4th try was gonna be my last shot and after that I was giving up. (also not to sound salty or anything but you also REJECTED ME FOR VALENTINES DAY) but, Im so glad i tried again bc now ive got to spend 6 months, 6 whole months with someone i just might die without<33. Whenever im meeting new people i cant help but look for the you in them, words cannot express how beautiful you are and nothing will ever change the way i see you and think of you. You genuinely changed my life for the better, you may not have realised it because of the way things happened between everyone, but you helped me understand what real friends are. And the people I was friends with were anything but. You helped me understand the qualities to look for in people, and i really thank you for that. Yes, at times I do miss talking with them and hanging out with them because I mean, I was friends with them for quite a while; but if I had the choice to start over and decide you or them, id choose you again without a second thought, thats how much you matter to me. I know im kinda sucky at conforting people and maybe i come off as i dont really care or cant be bothered, but id do anything for you, if I could stop the world to help you I would. Gosh, if i could stop the world, id stop it just to spend time with you, even if its not in person id stop the world just to talk to you. Just to hear your voice. Please, please, please, if youre ever doubting something or need help, or even just need to get something off your chest, pleeeease know that i will listennnn. I cannot stress this enough aster, i fucking love you so much and I want the best for you. I dont want anything bad to happen. (name), you are the first person to ever make me feel good, about being me. People like that are hard to find and im so lucky to have found you when I did, because if im being honest, before we joined that stupid overly problematic server, i quite literally might have off'ed myself. Youre my first serious relationship and no matter what happens I know I wont love another the way i love you. Also did i mention i love you and if we were stuck in a box I wouldnt just be stuck in a box with you, id give u smooch😚. And that whenever I hear a song remotely related to loving someone you instantly come to mind. Or when i see my favourite flower im like "reminds me of (name)" bc of how much I love it. And when im walking by myself i always think "damn, i could be holding his hand rn to stop my hands from freezing and snapping off." Also you remind me of the song Money, by the drumbs, idk its not the lyrics that remind me its just the tune and instruments? they sound nice and beautiful, they make me happy i guess. Whenever I see a notif from you im like a little kid winning a stupid prize at a carnival, if im laying on my bed i literally kick my feet when im texting you. I dont care how long it takes for us to finally meet but believe me when we do expect the longest hug youve ever had. I know this is already really long but, i will honestly, truely, completely love you, no matter who you say you are. Maybe you feel really masc one day and then really fem, maybe you feel like absoultley nothing another day and all 3 at once the next. I dont care, I love you so much and you mean the world to me. If I lost you, id lose everything, because theres nothing worth more in my life than you. Happy 6 Months my love<33

[raincamp]

12 01 2023

vent post

i want to murder my roommate so fucking bad.

ive been feeling like shit recently. my hormones are all out of wack bc my endo didnt refill my testosterone for two weeks, and also started me on progesterone. ive been feeling more intensely in the past three days than i have in the past 6 months. its scary. and dysphoria inducing.

its like my bpd is coming back full force. i had it fucking numbed away for the past 3 months and now its back and i cant fucking ignore it. im gonna fail soon, fail at coping through stuff.

ive been using drugs and alcohol to do that work for me and now im trying to be sober. i think thats fucking with me too. im becoming unbearable. unbearable to myself and to the people around me. im so much better when im on something.

i had my first day at a new job today. i only worked 3 hours but the job is super physical and i ended up immediately falling asleep the second i got home, and then my roommate woke me up, and then my cat wouldnt let me go back to sleep (not in the cute way)

my roommate is getting on my fucking nerves today, and im trying to tell myself that its just because im exhausted from work and moody bc of my new medication but FUCK dude i hate him so fucking much. he used to be my best friend. im splitting.

he keeps like. dating people. which is fine, but hes online dating and he keeps getting ghosted, which is normal, but of course he has to ask me for my opinion, and for advice, and then he always automatically shuts me down, or turns it around to me saying something bad about him. like. hes specifically asking me for advice. and then not listening to me. and then making me look bad.

and its always fucking "i did something wrong, somethings wrong with me" and honestly its getting to the point where im tired of hearing him say that. im tired of telling him to stop putting his self worth onto girls that dont even have the decency to tell him they dont like him.

and then when i go to walk away, end a conversation, ignore him, etc. hes always thinking im mad at him or he did something wrong no matter what i say to reassure him. i tell him im tired from work, im hungry, its not about him, i need time alone, and then he starts getting upset about it.

i hate it because it reminds me of me.

maybe not now me. not current me. current me knows how to reassure myself. current me knows how to communicate. current me knows how to cope through percieved abandonment.

he doesn't and it pisses me off. now i have to do the mental work for both of us.

im so fucking angry

[myrcenegirl]

i treated myself to a salad tonight... but at what cost :(

well office life continues to be fun. things have gotten in a weird spot with how busy it is but its been decent so im trying to hang in there! i did my shadowing today and i was a little nervous but tbh like.... im way better than a shit ton of people lmao so yeah i said i was more nervous than i really was lol and ofc afterwards the class said i was helpful and the trainers said i was just amazing and one of the trainers was someone who trained me so she was really like happy to see how much ive learned so even though it was a little nerve wracking the important thing is to remember to show (while being humble ofc) as many people as possible how capable i am so that way when the time comes for me to move to a different department everyone will be happy to have me join their team (besides the jealous ass haters) securing my opportunity to get out of this fucking customer service hell! and i got confused about the weeks and thought i was seeing my mom tonight but its next week lol i was excited. but easy day tomorrow im pretty sure so thats nice. but omg my first call while shadowing was a complete one off situation i had never encountered before BUT wouldnt you know it i just naturally did the exact right thing and then another call i lied a patient saying i was going to DM a doctor when i always just say that and then tell the person they left for the day lol but i was being watched so i couldnt BUT after sweating my ass off trying to figure out how i realized i have two monitors and i can switch the slack over to the one that isnt being shared and say i did the thing off screen BUT omg it was painful i was like shit shit shit how do i get out of this i have trainers watching me too!! and then i finally realized and got out of it perfectly fine hehe :3 but im really missing drugs and spending money and drugs i want drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and messy girl hasnt been so bad but omg the micromanaging has come into full swing like god damn what is it about joining a company and then right after THATS when they decide to start doubling down on EVERY SINGLE metric and form of monitoring to make sure you are working every god damn second of the day with zero allowance given to the lowest rung of employees :) so thats fun honestly if i wasnt one fucking week away from insurance and i didnt still have hope that i was going to get out of customer service i would be looking for another job now like that shit is not for me and WE get to feel the consequences of a company that hasn't properly managed their man power its great. and the girls are NOT having it and its even worse on their end because they dont even have all the facts like my manager has said multiple times that they have started a new requirement for managers to walk to us and check on us if we are taking too long after a call and they dont remember hearing that and so this whole time theyve been thinking that the managers are just breathing down their necks more than usual for a power trip and so theyre even more mad than me lol well theyre not because no one can be angrier than me but they have more volatile anger because theres ignorance involved lol and they are getting idk theyre starting to turn on the manager a bit because his ass is suuuuch a little by the books boy and so hes on top of all his new manager duties which make our lives hell so its hurting the manager relations. and im trying to help them understand that THEY have been told to do this now because I dont want them up and quitting well idc about messy girl but damn like pregnant girl straight up had attitude with our boss because he was checking on her and its just yeah shes being micromanaged as if she isn't here every day working doing good work so lets bring micromanaging into that situation. like im really trying hard to be polite when the managers have come up to me to check when im taking too long because to suggest that IM NOT WORKING? that deserves violence honestly so im really trying to be chill as possible although hey if i start snapping then maybe they will see that this shit is ridiculous