#i used to call on these it messed everything up and made people upset. i was told to stop it wasnt needed

[piknim]

Ugh my manager said something yesterday thats making me so nervous to go back to work tomorrow and its nothing thats a big deal just makes me feel like im doing a bad job at my job

[zoesmp4]

NERVOUS “you’ve got me nervous to speak.” carl grimes x fem!reader

tags: angst to fluff, use of y/n, cussing

a/n: back from the dead!! sorta based on nervous by the nbhd, and there’s also a little tsitp steven and taylor action that i used for inspiration. lyrics r in bold + italics or in between paras. enjoy lovelies!!

the bond between you and carl was truly inseparable. you two had been through it all together, and never once had either of you thought about ending it all.

that was until now.

god, you don’t know how you found yourself in this situation. he’s just a friend. he’s always been just a friend. that’s what you believed, and that’s what you always told people. 

so how come, all of a sudden, he started becoming more than that? how come, out of the blue, you started getting butterflies at his gaze? it was an unfamiliar feeling, and you didn’t like it. you didn’t like it at all. 

you didn’t wanna do anything to jeopardize your beloved friendship, especially over something so dumb. you weren’t gonna lose everything all because of a stupid crush. so, after ages of decision making, you finally set your mind on a reasonable solution.

should i be quiet?

you were just gonna take some time to yourself. you were gonna stop talking to him for a bit. that’s all you needed, just some space. it couldn’t be that hard to lose feelings. besides, he would understand, right?

he in fact did not understand. “wanna come over? i just finished reading that comic you wanted.” he said, a grin plastered onto his face. “not today.” you quickly shut him down, and you could see the happiness on his face slowly fade away.

“oh, that’s fine. tomorrow?” you felt so bad. you really did wanna hang out with him, but you had to push away these feelings first. “i just need some time to myself for a while.”

your felt your heart pang when you looked at his expression. he gave you a slight smile, attempting to mask his disappointment. but you knew him. you knew him well enough to know he was upset. “yeah, i get it. i’ll see you later y/n.” he said, walking away. all of the energy he had when he approached you was long gone now.

it had been days, weeks even. you hadn’t uttered a word to him. so why wasn’t it working? why did you still long for him? it was so frustrating. 

not to mention, you were a mess. you would often find yourself with your head buried deep within your pillow, sniffling as tears flowed down your cheeks. on top of that, you weren’t getting enough sleep. you just missed carl. 

you figured the best thing you could do for yourself was to just get some fresh air. after all, it was no use trying to fix stuff with carl, you already fucked it all up. 

you took in the breeze, as you fiddled with your fingers. if it was a normal day, you would’ve been happy. you loved the cold, but today it was different. today, it made you feel numb. it made everything worse. 

you tried getting it off your mind. you tried to think about other things, but you couldn’t stop thinking about the look he had on his face the last time you talked to him. his smile was wiped clean off his face, and it was all your fault. 

you started to feel your eyes prick with tears. a single drop slowly traveled down your face, and you quickly wiped it off with your sleeve. 

you just wanted to cry, but you weren’t gonna let yourself do it out in the public. after all, once you started crying, you weren’t gonna stop. so, you turned around and picked up the pace. you were headed back home, where you could be vulnerable. 

your head was faced down, trying to hide your glassy eyes from anyone who could potentially see. “y/n?” you hear someone call out to you. the voice sounded familiar, and you instantly knew who it was without even lifting your head in the slightest. 

it was carl. you had to get away. just pretend you didn’t hear him, you thought to yourself. your footsteps quickened, until you heard his pleading voice once again. 

“just talk to me. please. is it something i said? i’m sorry for whatever i did.” 

“you didn’t do anything. it’s me. it’s all my fucking fault because my stupid self caught feelings for her best friend.” you wanted to say, but you restrained yourself. 

you finally came to a stop, turning around to face him. as soon as you met his gaze, you wanted to cry the hardest you’d ever cried before. 

he slowly stepped closer to you until his taller figure was in close in front of you. “can you please talk to me? you know i won’t get mad. you know i’m listening. so please, just please tell me what’s been bothering you.” he begged, his eyes softening. 

you let out a sigh, still sniffling. “it’s not your fault carl.” you said, your voice barely audible. “then what is it?” he said, keeping his voice at the same, calm volume. 

“i-i like you, and it’s really embarrassing.” you confess. you instantly regret your choice of words when you see a frown start to appear on his face. “i don’t know what i was expecting, but that was really fucking mean.” he says, about to walk away.

“no, carl. it’s embarrassing because of how much i like you.” there it is. that’s what you’ve been holding in. it felt weird hearing the words coming out of your mouth. “how is that embarrassing?” he questioned, the tender look started to come back on his face. 

ask me and ill tell you how i’ve been

“i- it’s like i forgot how to act around you. i’m always scared i’m gonna mess up. you’ve got me nervous to speak.”

that was the last thing you managed to get out before he pulled you into his chest for a tight hug. the dam holding your tears back broke.

the wetness stained his shirt, but he didn’t care. he rubbed your back with his arm, soothing you. you missed his embrace, the feeling you would get when you were in his arms felt heavenly.

after a few more seconds of the hug, carl shifted his hands to your shoulders. he softly pushed you back a little bit to get a look at your face.

he reached for your face to wipe any tears. “m’ sorry for ignoring you.” you said, voice soft and quiet. he shook his head, giving you a gentle smile. 

“you’re okay sweet girl, don’t worry about it.” he said. “i-it’s not okay. i ignored you for so long, i just cut you off like that. without a single warning. it was so inconsiderate and i’m really sor-” 

hush, baby, don’t you say another word

“you never shut up do you?” he said, cutting you off mid sentence before he crashed his lips onto yours. your eyes widened, and your movements froze before you slowly adjusted to the kiss. your eyes fluttered closed before you hesitantly tilted your head to get closer.

this was a new experience for the both of you, but it felt like he had years of practice. the way his hands made their way around your body, it sent shivers down your spine.  

after what seemed like an eternity, you both pulled away. the sounds of your mixed heavy breaths filled the air. carl’s hand reached for your face before he wiped your slightly smudged chapstick. 

he then tilted your chin up to meet his gaze. the gesture made the butterflies in your stomach act up more than they ever had in your life. 

i got goosebumps all over me

“next time, just let me know what’s on your mind, yeah?” he asks. “okay.” you say, looking at him with pure admiration. “that’s my girl.” 

[coralinnii]

ALMOST forgetting your birthday 

feat: Ace · Vil · Jamil · Trey  genre: fluff  note: not gender specific reader, no pronouns used for reader, petnames were used (babe/baby in Ace, gem in Jamil), not proofread,

This is a special treat since I recently celebrated my birthday with my loved ones and classes were canceled on my birthday so I thought why not something birthday related for the fun of it? This is not me venting out that someone forgot my birthday, I just thought it’d be fun because I didn’t expect a voice scene from Riddle wishing me happy birthday when I logged in 😆. So hope you guys enjoy it and please don’t mistake this as me being sad! I actually had a great birthday

Boy was sweating bullets when Riddle asked him about his plans to celebrate your birthday. It totally slipped his mind and now he’s worried how you might be feeling after the fact that his own Housewarden of all people wished you a happy birthday but not your freaking boyfriend. 

But you can bet he’d be covering up his forgetful mind by acting his little heart out. 

Oh, you were worried he forgot about your special day? Pfft, you’re crazy. He just wanted to surprise you because he just couldn’t wait to spend the whole day with his number 1 love. 

On the inside, Ace does feel bad about forgetting your birthday. He knew if you did find out he almost let the day go by without seeing you, you would be hurt and he absolutely can’t have that. So, he swore to spend the entire day making it your day. Your rules, your choices, everything. 

Any plans he made for that day were instantly canceled. Hangouts with Deuce, basketball club meetings, his turn to feed the flamingos, he's skipping everything. He’s at your beck and call, making sure you weren’t aware he would have gone the whole day without knowing. This redhead is making sure you know how important you are to him, no matter how much he messes up. 

He doesn’t care about the possible teasing from other students or any accusations of being whipped. He’s the one sharing a special day with the most amazing person in the world, so jokes on them!

“Happy birthday, babe! Today’s your magical day so we’re doing whatever my baby wants, my treat” 

To be fair, he did make considerations in advance to ensure that he would be free to spend your birthday together. He may be a busy model and actor, but that’s no excuse to be with those he loves most. 

Unfortunately, his manager did not agree with that sentiment as they decided to schedule an interview with a popular news channel on your birthday. Vil was upset but what's done is done and it can't be cancelled with all the promotions and advertising out there about this upcoming interview.

You were bummed that Vil might not have time to spend with you but you understood how important this was for his career so you gave your support as always. Your birthday would have gone uncelebrated if not for Rook and Epel’s intervention. 

This whole situation left Vil angry at his manager…and himself for not catching this on time. He’s also a little angry at you for undermining your own birthday, even for his sake. 

He invited you onto the interview studio as his special visitor so the two of you could still be together as much as possible, and Vil made sure no one treats you any less than they would with him. His tone was polite but everyone at that studio knew he was serious with his “request”

“I hope that you would treat my guest with great care and respect. Any less would be rather insulting to me and will reflect poorly for any future projects” 

Immediately after the interview, Vil would grab your hand and rush back to the college where he expects that Rook and Epel have set up the preparations for the birthday celebration as he requested. Whether it's a private dinner for two or a quiet self-care day in his room, Vil’s dead set on making that day all about you like it should have. 

“This day isn’t about me or my career. This is your birthday and I intend on making sure you are treated as the fairest of them all on this day…and everyday”

I can’t imagine Jamil ever forgetting your birthday, he would never allow himself to make such a blunder like that. However, things don’t always go the way he hoped. 

Kalim, true to his whimsical nature, decided today was a great day to have a party so he decided to host a grand feast, to Jamil’s dismay. But he’s hesitant to refuse the Asim heir so he quickly got to organizing the party’s food as always. 

The sweetheart you are, decided to drop by to help him in the kitchen. Jamil’s having mixed feelings as he’s always happy to have you by his side but he doesn’t want to work on your birthday, especially for his sake. But you insisted you wouldn’t offer to help if you didn’t want to. 

Still dissatisfied, Jamil decided that the party could be shifted somewhat. You watched with confused amusement over Jamil’s not-so subtle whispers over you working on your birthday. 

“I apologise, my gem. I didn’t want your birthday to like this, working so hard alongside me like this” 

“I would say it’s ok but I feel like you’re not really talking directly at me right now”  

“Oh, if only I could give you the celebration you deserve” 

Of course, the “whispers” were overheard and soon caught Kalim’s ears who was excited to hear about this. Whatever prior reason to party has immediately left the Housewarden’s mind “What? It’s your birthday, so let’s change the party! This is now a grand birthday feast!” 

Whether you like it or not, you became the star of the party as Kalim pulled you over to the best seat in the dorms with food being offered to you on a literal silver platter. Jamil smiled from afar as he enjoyed watching the special treatment you’re getting. He assumed you were happy with the luxurious pampering courtesy of Kalim’s kind heart, not letting himself delve into his own insecurities of his inability to spoil you the way Kalim can. This was his plan, afterall. 

Luckily for him, you never give him the chance to get lost into those doubts as you happily call him over, patting the seat right next to yours. Snuggling to his side, Jamil felt his heart race as you told him how all you wanted was to do today was spend the day with him, be it being treated like royalty or just cooking together in a kitchen. 

Jamil wondered if you were aware of what a dangerous charmer you are. 

“Happy birthday, my precious gem. A day spent dedicating to you is a day well spent”

Like Vil, he probably remembered your birthday was soon but his school life and his duties as a vice Housewarden jumbled his mind to the point he almost didn’t realize what day it was. 

It wasn’t until Riddle told him that you would not be invited to the unbirthday party scheduled that day because well…it was actually your birthday. Trey nearly dropped the unbirthday cake he prepared when he realized what day it was. 

His mind was in a tizzy. He tried to stay focused but he’s trying to estimate his time to make a cake for you once the unbirthday party is done and if he could still make your birthday special. Thankfully, Riddle was kind enough to dismiss him once his assistance was not needed at the party. The green-haired senior never ran that fast from a party. 

Before the day ended, Trey managed to make a small cake to surprise you with at your dorm but he still felt a little guilty. I believe Trey is the type to tell you directly that he almost forgot your birthday rather than pretend. 

You told him you understand. He’s a third year with a lot of responsibilities and you know how busy he gets. You might be sad not being able to spend your birthday with him the way you hope but life gets in the way. You were happy with just the cake and a visit from your beloved. 

But Trey wasn’t satisfied with that. He may have gotten away with the bare minimum for most things and romance isn’t his forte but with you, that’s not good enough. Trey wants to take care of you, treat you special, give you all the attention you deserve without holding back. For you, going the extra mile and a half is worth it.

The green-haired student boldly went for a firm kiss on your lips, catching you by surprise. You felt your boyfriend take the lead by softly pushing you to the couch, sitting you down with him. Trey smirked down at your flustered face, fully intending to make the most of the day. 

“It’s ok to be a little selfish, you know? It’s still your birthday, afterall”  

[the-wrong-providence]

To Date a Criminal

Bucky Barnes X Celebrity!F!Reader

Word Count: 1,800ish

Warnings: Angst | Talk of ending relationships | Asshole Interviewers | Language | Brief mentions of sexism | Fluff? 

Summary: Bucky’s history is a problem to some of Y/N’s fans

Author’s note: This is more angsty than I originally intended, but life is a shitty mess so there’s no point sugar coating it lmao. Unedited. Didn’t know what to call it, so this is what I landed with.

"A-list celebrity Y/N Y/L/N is speculated to be romantically involved with ex-assassin James Barnes, the Winter Soldier. A lot of people believe that Barnes should be convicted of the numerous murders that he committed over the course of the Cold War, but Y/L/N seems to have no issue flaunting her criminal boyfriend on every platform she has a voice. The 108-year-old man was once a close friend to Capt-" Sam turned the TV off. Bucky stared at the blank screen for a little longer, before swallowing heavily and looking down. Sam wanted to say something but struggled to find the words.

Bucky sighed. "This is fucked," he said after a moment. He appeared to be fairly calm about it, before he slammed his fist down on the table, leaving a small dent in the wood. "What the fuck?" He shouted out, as Sam crossed his arms.

"Buck, you know better than to listen to that shit," he said. Bucky turned to him, shaking his head.

"It's not about me listening to them." He started. "Y/N is being attacked. Even if she doesn't agree, her entire reputation is at stake, for dating me. They're calling me a murderer for fucks sake." Bucky ran his hand through his hair. Sam sighed. Of course, he didn't care what people thought about him. He'd been receiving death threats and insults daily since returning from Wakanda, he was used to it. "She has every reason to leave me. She'd be an idiot not to." He mumbled, turning away from Sam.

Sam sighed. He couldn’t argue with that. But something he’d come to realise is that both Bucky and Y/N were complete dumbasses when together. “Just, talk to her, man,” He replied, leaving Bucky to stew by himself.

*

He sipped his drink slowly, hearing the door slam close and a loud sigh. “You wouldn’t believe the shit I’ve had to deal with today,” She said, throwing her coat onto the back of a dining chair. She bent over the sofa and pressed a kiss against his cheek. “The guy who was interviewing us made some sexist comments before we even began, so we just knew it was going to be a long session,” She kicked off her shoes and sat on the sofa beside him. “It was really tempting to just walk out on multiple occasions, but apparently I needed a better reason,” 

Bucky grinned quickly, before placing his glass on the coffee table. "Baby, we need to talk," He began. Y/N looked at him and her eyes narrowed in confusion. She couldn’t read his expression at all. Her face fell when she realised that his smile had disappeared. 

"What about?" She asked cautiously. Her heart sped up.

Bucky took a deep breath. "You need to break up with me," he said. 

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows at him. Everything was going well. She really liked Bucky and she thought he felt the same for her. "I don't understand. I don't want to." She said.

"And I don't want to either. But people are calling me a murderer." Bucky looked at her finally, and she could see the sadness in his eyes. She let out a deep exhale, relieved that she’d not done anything to upset him.

It took her a moment to think her way around his comment. "But you're not a murderer, and I don’t care what people say," She replied, crossing her arms across her chest.

Bucky smiled softly. Y/N was brazen, just one of the many things he liked about her. “Sweetheart,” He started, “I’m not worth ending your career over,”

She bit the inside of her cheek and turned away. Whilst she held the belief that he very much was worth it, she didn’t want to admit that now. Not if things were going to end. “Do you want this to end?” She asked. He was fairly insistent.

Bucky seemed taken aback. “No, god no, you have no idea how much I don’t want this to happen. But you have to do the smart thing here. You can’t stay with me,”

“I don’t care. I’m not ending this.” She said indignantly.

Bucky rubbed his forehead. Fuck, he loved her stubbornness sometimes, but it was not helping right now. “Your reputation-”

“I’m not worried about my stupid reputation! I couldn’t give less of a shit about it!” She shouted back and Bucky stared at her. She exhaled heavily and furrowed her eyebrows. “The only thing I’m worried about is you, Buck,”

Bucky clenched his jaw and turned away. “Well, that’s really not convenient. Because I worry about you and the way people treat you and the way everyone sees you. And you not giving a shit about that sort of thing really makes my job a lot harder,” He replied, and Y/N smiled. 

She pulled his face back in her direction, and her hand fell to rest on his chest. Pressing a kiss to his lips. “I’d leave everything behind to stop you from worrying,” She admitted and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“You’re crazy if you think I’d let you,” He raised his eyebrows, but grinned, all the same, leaning in to kiss her again.

She pouted at him. “I’m starting to think that you want me to be famous more than I care for it,” She joked.

“Not famous. Successful. I want you to do well, and I like seeing you get the recognition you deserve. I need people to love you as much as I… love you,” He paused at the last words, and looked down, hoping she didn’t notice.

But of course, she did. She’d been waiting to hear those words for weeks now. She stared at him, noticing the slight pink tinge that was creeping up his neck. “Buck,” She began. “I love you too,”

He looked up at her, searching for any hint of a lie. It had been a while since someone had said those words to him and meant it. As if she could tell, she took hold of his wrist and directed his hand to feel her heartbeat. “I love you,” She said again, smiling at him. 

“And if you still think we should break up, then you’re the crazy one. Especially after that super romantic admission of your love for me,” she stated, grinning at him as his cheeks tinged pink. He looked down, but his small smile was very much evident.

He sighed. “You’re right. As much as I hate to admit it,” He said back, as Y/N giggled. She kissed him again, and Bucky’s hand moved to hold her face, his thumb brushing against her cheek. “I love you,” He murmured in the space between them, their foreheads resting against each other.

*

One of the downsides of being a celebrity was having to maintain a social presence. As a result, Y/N had to attend several red carpets that she had no real investment in. This particular time, Y/N was being interviewed by someone from some media outlet that she was unfamiliar with. The questions had strayed from anything remotely related to the public perception of her boyfriend.

“Bucky is not a murderer,” Y/N scowled at the person interviewing her. Her dating life was noones business at the best of times, but it was entirely inappropriate to discuss this right now.

The interviewer smirked at the rise they were getting. “He was one of the worlds most wanted criminals. He’s credited with at least two dozen high-target assassinations. He’s responsible for the Avengers breaking up back in 2016…”

Y/N stared daggers at the interviewer, and their face fell as they noticed. They stopped talking and swallowed heavily. “Bucky is not a murderer. He was given a pardon which has forgiven him-”

“Implying that there was something to forgive.” The interviewer interrupted “Why do you think it’s ok to date a war criminal?” They added.

Y/N lips parted in surprise. “You know what? I don’t have to deal with this. If people have a problem with who I love then that’s their issue. I do not have to listen to you insult my partner.” She snapped back, before storming off to the bathroom.

On her way there, a hand took hold of her wrist and pulled her away. Looking up, she saw Bucky beaming at her. “You look gorgeous, sweetheart,” He held his arms around her waist. His face fell when he saw her look in her eyes. “What’s happened? Are you ok?” his first instinct was to check her over for any injuries.

Instantly she let her tears fall and leant against him. “Why do people have to be assholes?” She bawled out. Bucky hugged her back, resting his chin on the top of her head. He held her tight, letting her cry into his chest.

“What did they say?” He growled, angry that anyone would have the gall to insult his girl. He looked around to determine whos fault it was. If anyone seemed even remotely guilty for the upset that they’d caused, but everyone seemed fairly content with themselves.

She sniffed quietly. “They were being so rude about you! I had to leave the interview,” She replied, and Bucky seemed taken aback. They’d insulted him and she was distraught.

He held her at arms length and looked at her, lowering his head so that she was staring directly into his eyes. “There are always gonna be assholes in the world, but you walking away from them in that situation helps people realise. You are so incredibly brave for walking outside your door every day when you know what people have said about me. And for that I love you. I worship the ground you walk on. I’m honored to have a place in your heart.” He said sincerely, desperate to calm her down.

“But you have to promise me that you will not give these people a place. Please don’t let them hurt you. Don’t take these shots that are meant for me,” He added, caressing her cheek with his knuckles.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows for a moment, but seemed to smile. “Buck, I would take actual bullets for you,” She said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Bucky chuckled. “Very unwise. Bullets hurt like hell. And you’d be taking a lot of them,” He bantered back. “But I appreciate the sentiment. I love you sweetheart,” He smiled.

Y/N exhaled heavily, smiling back. “I love you too,” she pressed a kiss to his lips. “Do you wanna come with me?”

He looked at her, confused as to what she meant. “Back onto the carpet? What about the interviews?”

She grinned. “Maybe you can do some staring if they piss me off.” She giggled.

Immediately he seemed excited. “Oh sweetheart, don’t tempt me!”

[rowretro]

𝕻𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖘𝖘'𝖘 𝕻𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖔𝖗

✧warnings: yandere/toxic themes, stalker won, violence and Gory scenes. 

♡synopsis: Yang Jungwon, the campus crush, tall, handsome, and seemingly innocent to many. Hence no one knew how dangerous he truly was. However you knew, and you couldn’t tell a single soul. The man you assumed to be a sweet social butterfly with dimples like wells you’d find yourself falling through, was dangerously obsessed with you.

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

She didn’t hear the commotion at first, as her earphones were on a high volume, but when she saw the crowd of students looking so traumatized, horrified, some even running to the restroom to throw up, Y/n knew something was up. She arrived just as the teachers did, police officers were yet to come and investigate the bloody mess left behind in the science class. Was there perhaps a new serial killer in their neighborhood?!

The victim had multiple slits on his neck, the blade resting in his cold, dead hand. His eyeballs were also stabbed into. She backed away, not wanting to see it anymore. That boy was none other than Xiaojun, one of the seniors who had been hitting on her for a while now. Y/n gripped onto her chest wondering what could’ve happened, a little sense of guilt left behind as she remembered her last words to was to tell him to fuck off. 

Jungwon smirked to himself when no one saw. He was the only one who knew. His father had connections to many gangs, he’s off the hook. He knew what happened. He’s the one who had a strong grip on Xiaojun’s wrists, making him stab his eyeballs for staring at what’s his. He’s the one who forced the dying man to draw bloody lines on his neck, making sure he was out of the picture. Y/n didn’t feel anything for Xiaojun anyway, he was annoying, none of the girls liked him as he was practically a playboy. So not many people really cared too much for him.

Eventually the police took over, taping the scene, securing any evidence and questioning the students. Jungwon was used to these by now Handling them like a pro, the police didn’t suspect him one bit. “Y/n? You ok?... you seem a little upset-” Jungwon asked as he gently caressed the girl’s back. “Oh it’s nothing, just… do you think he’d come back and haunt me???” she asked as Jungwon frowned “Just because you rejected him? I’m sure his ghost won’t even make it on earth- stop overthinking-” he said as the girl sighed.

That night Y/n walked to the cafe, despite it being pretty late at night. Jungwon wasn’t too far behind. His figure and shadow hidden in the darkness. She made his job a lot easier, the way you didn’t turn back once, ignoring the fact that you may be followed. Y/n entered the cafe Jungwon, watched from afar, making sure no one was there to steal her from him. To his luck, she was alone. Heck she even walked out alone, into that dark, alleyway that hand no cameras purely because it was a very easy shortcut to her home.

3 years of stalking his princess and he finally got the chance to take her home, driving his Koenigsegg in the middle, blocking her path. The girl frowned, then saw Jungwon. “I’m taking you home.” he simply said. As y/n just frowned. Why would he offer a ride to her? It’s not like they knew each other well, and she was closer to her home anyway. “No need, I’m only 3 minutes away from my house” she reassured as Jungwon laughed. “Oh sweetheart… I meant OUR home.” he said with a smirk, forcefully yanking her in before pushing a cloth drenched in a drowsy med to her face.

Everything seemed like a blur to her. Y/n woke up in a rather unfamiliar room. Her back met with the comfort of the plush, white silk sheets, and soft mattress, a blindingly beautiful chandelier in the center of the room. She couldn’t move. Her hands cuffed to the headboard. Her uniform was replaced with much more comfortable pajamas, the kind she could never afford. “You’re up darling?” a voice called. The girl stared in shock. It was indeed Jungwon. Yang Jungwon, the sweet, innocent, handsome man, now standing before her, dressed in his gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt.

“Jungwon?... why what? Why?!!!” she managed to ask, though it wasn’t exactly the question she wanted to asked. “Calm down, calm down. Yes yes, I was the one who murderred all those whores, Yes I’ve been keeping a close eye on you and protecting you from all harm, but it seems impossible to keep you safe out there… so I can keep you here, in my palance my princess.” He said with a smile as she just stared in utter shock. However she knew better than to mess with him. This is a new side to him, a dangerous side that no one would ever expect. Y/n had to play it safe with this man, she doesn’t want to end up being his next victim. 

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

[digenerate-trash]

So Yan!Harper is a little different because it has been heavily contributed to by several people including:

@asylumdweller | @these-bees-r18  | @pip-n-chips | @degrees-of-fuck

(and the asylum group chat)

And all others around the community!! I want to thank you all for feeding my freak obsession and im glad this has become like a group project!! 

(PS: tag your own yan head cannons pretty please. Dude a freak I love him) 

Just Harper head cannons!!!! 

SFW ones first:

Obsessed with you. Not possessive but still wants you to be focused on him.

Really into dolls especially customizing them with clothing and hair accessories. He's definitely got one of you that no one can ever touch or look at because it's very special to him. 

Speaking of Harper being crafty he's also into sewing! He's very good at tailoring things to your measurements, he has them memorized by now. It's not creepy he's just thorough. 

Has made you a custom straight jacket. 

Embroidered your name in his sleeve so he can look at it whenever he's bored. 

Absolutely was the worst child, other kids in the neighborhood feared him and that is why all the images of him as a kid are of him alone. he's also got pictures of you though. They're just hidden. 

Will gaslight you for no reason. He just likes seeing you confused and worried when you think you've missed your appointment. don't worry he'll make an exception. you're just going to have to owe him a little favor that's all (:

Will drop anything to make room for appointments with you. Will also ditch work for you as well. He would make house calls but Bailey is pretty strict about Harper being in his territory and Harper isn't prepared to fight Bailey. 

Will make you sick on purpose to keep you close by. This is either physically sick or mental (he only makes you mentally sick if he wants to keep you at the asylum) 

Harper is constantly sticking things in you so he can lick/chew on them after you leave. 

He is convinced that every action you make is playful and flirty even if you're trying to attack him. He just thinks of you as his feisty little lover and you just need a little extra attention that's all. 

When you're actually sick he's extra helpful, he prefers you like this. Weak and needy. He pets your head calls off any appointments or seeing any patients and he just sit's with you. Making sure you feel better. 

Harper takes care of all your needs. Check-ups mental health care surgery. No other doctor can touch you he's made sure of it. You also can't get a second opinion. 

Prefers using drugs/hypnotism to keep you in line. Man isn't strong and even though he could call security it's not ideal for him to get others involved in your little ‘couple fights’ 

For surgery, harper is always there for you. Before and after he's very attentive. Makes sure you know everything you need to and he's very good at making sure your recovery goes smoothly (even if it takes twice as long) 

he's always very clean even if you're a mess. He likes the dynamic of the two of you together. He likes it when people think he's out of your league because it adds to his abuse of power kink

Man has breathing issues around you. He tries to hide it. Biting his lip. Holding his breath. Just trying to control his breathing. None of it works. Man wants to huff you like a junky huffs paint.

Even if you are in a proper relationship with Harper he gets really petty and upset if you don't address him as ‘doctor’ 

don't play games with this man. He is the worst sore loser and even when he does win if you are close to beating him he's bitter about it. Might even hypnotize you to make you worse. He doesn't care if it affects other parts of your life. Competitive and petty 

Any time you punch/bite/mark this man he's enamered with the marks. They are a little present from you to him and it's not like you could ever really hurt him so he sees it more as a little lovers trophy than an attack 

NSF WORK UNDERCUT: 

will absolutely voyeur you but he is always particular about it, positions how people touch you how they act around you It is all very carefully choreographed even when he gets other people to fuck you it's all very staged and sterile in a weird way that doesn't even feel like sex lets be honest.

Prefers getting his sexual frustration out on you but likes it better when you're hypnotized. (He doesn't like to be associated with pain or discomfort unless it's for a purpose)

Has a file full of images of you naked, broken, on the verge of tears, fucked out of your mind, even ones where you're just asleep. He files them all carefully and studies them all he really wants to get ‘the perfect picture’ of you that captures everything you are. he's not even sure if it's possible but he's going to try. 

Get ready for everything you wear/eat/smell/sleep on to be covered in harper cum. Especially at the asylum where he's in charge of everything. he's got no shame and he really wants you to be accustomed to him and everything he does. 

Cockwarming at the drop of a hat. He needs to do paperwork. Guess who he's assigning as his little helper? you're too tired to get up from bed? Not a problem for Harper he can stay in bed with you. At the farm and he has a moment alone with you while he gets things ready? His pants are already off. You can't escape it. Harper loves having his dick in you at any time. 

Chugs a vial of aphrodisiacs before your appointments with him so he's the correct amount of horny for you. 

Will also feed you aphrodisiacs and then deny you any sort of stimulation until you're begging or crying. The dude really wants you to earn things from him when you're lucid so you think it's all your idea 

When you are hypnotised definitely makes you do some really nasty things for him. he's really into the idea of you being into everything he is and even encouraging him to do things to you when you're asleep/passed out. it's like getting consent but he's putting the words in your mouth and having you spit them back up for him. 

Has sex with you during surgery. And if he can't do that he at least jacks off during it. He can't help himself he really needs you. 

Man loves gaslighting you about your past sexual experiences. he's a big fan of convincing you that you're just an exhibitionist and it's normal. You just like things super rough and with a little more practice you won't be feeling so guilty about it anymore. And surprise harper is here to help!! 

Will jerk you off as therapy. If you enjoy it your making progress if you don't next time he's going to get a vibrator 

Very body-focused he's interested in pushing you to your absolute limits and making things difficult for you. Wants you unable to focus/form words/be able to move. 

Prefers it when you're squirmy during sex but not outright violent. 

Absolutely loves forcing you to cum. Not a fan of edging though. Not unless it's some kind of punishment. The dude will make you cum in your sleep during surgery when you are hypnotized, hands-free when you're fully dressed. Mans a freak for it. He also likes it when you sit on his lap or thigh while he forces you to cum. You'll get a lot of praise if you do it of your own volition. 

Harper drinks piss. At least once bro look at him.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

❤️ Loved By You ❤️

Summary; Eddie's ghost haunts Hawkins, Lovers Lake, The Hideout, the benches in the woods near Hawkins High, and especially the Trailer Park.

All your life you've heard of the poor souls who died in Hawkin's earthquake of 86.

Most passed on, Eddie wasn't so lucky he's been stuck in limbo for thirty-four years, fading in and out as time passes, trying to find companionship but failing.

That's until he meets you.

Love transcends death and happy endings can happen even when all hope seems lost.

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending. 18+, minors dni. Soulmate au

I don't give anyone permission to copy, repost or reuse my work.

If you enjoyed this pls consider reblogging, etc. It's much appreciated. ❤️

I hope you all enjoy it, it's a long fic and I hope you all love it as much as I do. ❤️✨

❤️

All your life you had heard about the great earthquake of 1986 that happened in Hawkins.

Every year the town held a vigil for those that died, your best friend's parents Nancy Wheeler and Steve Harrington held a special service along with Dustin Henderson and Robin Buckley for one person in particular.

Eddie Munson. The ghost of Hawkins, an urban legend whose name was whispered about by adults and whose legend was infamous.

Once accused of killing three high school students from Hawkins High, those of whom were in his (third) senior class.

Until Jim Hopper, Hawkin's most famous sheriff for a whole lot of things, the most amazing being coming back from the dead- or escaping the prison he was held at in Russia.

Anyway, Jim had cleared Eddie of any wrongdoing after his death, in fact, according to Dustin, and many others he had died a hero, helping save others during the earthquake.

Dustin told a lot of stories about Eddie, you'd heard a few when you hung out with Alice, it was bittersweet though because you could see how much pain it caused Dustin to talk about Eddie but he said he had to talk about him because he never wanted Eddie's memory to be forgotten.

You wondered what Dustin thought of the Urban Legend regarding Eddie's ghost. Over the years many people claimed to see Eddie, some were stoned, drunk or a little bit of both.

Others were curious, trying to find out if the tales of Eddie's ghost were true. Double dares to go deep into the woods and call out his name, mentions of the faint sounds of a guitar playing when everything was silent at The Hideout, the cave in Lovers Lake was a hot spot for activity too.

Some part of you yearned to know if it was true, even though the logical part of your brain dismissed it as nothing more than an urban legend.

Plus, you had seen how upset the rumours made Dustin, how much he hated that his friend was used as a laugh for dumb teenagers and even some adults looking for a scare.

Unfortunately, as much as you didn't want to entertain the rumours, some people were all for finding out if the ghost of Eddie Munson was real or not.

❤️❤️

Todd Carver was your ex and to say he was a dick was an understatement. You had dated him for two months and grew tired of his arrogant and boastful demeanour.

Graduation was fast approaching and you wanted more out of life than Todd and his asshole tendencies.

It was just your luck he was still part of your friend group however you did your best to avoid him.

He had been trying to get you to date him again but you just weren't interested.

You hear him goading someone and your stomach fills with anger when you notice its Dustin's son Ben.

He was exactly like his dad, you were very protective of him and follow Todd as he and his friends Calvin and Sam push Ben into the woods.

You can hear their laughter and it infuriates you.

"Come on dude, call out for Munson, didn't your daddy give you Eddie for a middle name? Talk about morbid man"

"Shut up" Ben snaps and you hear those morons laugh again as they tease Ben.

"Leave him alone!" you march up to Todd and he snorts.

"Come on Babe, we're just messing around" you glare at him. Steve said he was like his Uncle Jason in miniature, he didn't like to speak ill of the dead but apparently, Jason was an asshole, Todd was just like him.

"It's not funny Todd, Get lost asshole" Todd snorts.

"What? we just wanna know if Eddie Munson's ghost is real or not? What's wrong with that?" he replies innocently but his eyes are full of malice.

He imitates a ghost and at that exact moment, a branch falls and hits Todd, leaves fall on him and his eyes widen in shock and a small hint of fear.

"It's Munson! Let's get out of here" he rushes away with Calvin and Sam at his heels.

Ben smiles, relaxing as he watches them go.

"Thanks for helping me" You ruffle his hair and tell him to get back for his last lesson.

As he heads away you turn to look at the fallen branch and leaves and frown curiously. There's no wind? Was it an old branch or something else? Something spookier?

Then there's a voice behind you and you freeze on the spot.

"God, that Todd dude was a dick right?" when you turn around he's standing near the benches, arms folded across his chest.

His hair is wild, dark brown and long. Big brown eyes filled with annoyance, some of his tattoos visible and he's wearing a Hellfire t-shirt and jeans just like you saw in the pictures Dustin has on his mantelpiece.

What the fuck.

"He's related to Carver? Can spot that asshole smirk anywhere" Eddie grins at you.

"Shit, you're really... I thought you were a myth or some urban legend passed around by stoned guys and campfire tales" he snorts.

"I'm as real as it gets princess... The smile falls away from his lips, still very much dead though, which is shit"

You sit down on the bench feeling a little bit dizzy, you can barely believe what's happening.

"The branch" you ask faintly and he smiles, it's heart melting, all dimples and a hint of cheekiness.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Just that dick Carver. You dated that douchebag? Could do a lot better princess" you stare at him still processing everything.

"How did you know that?" he shrugs and sits beside you, the temperature drops a little.

"I'm a ghost, I hear all kinds of shit. Disappear for weeks on end, then come back again. It's confusing being stuck in this limbo world"

"I'm sorry" you reply feeling his sadness so acutely that it takes your breath away for a second.

"It's kay, not your fault. It's nice sticking around sometimes, even if I can't do much. Haunt the dickheads that come out here sometimes though the bullying little shits, keep track of Hellfire Club which is cool, amazing how massive it is now" he looks so proud.

"I know Dustin, Steve, Nancy, Robin. They've told me all about you. You died a hero" he gets up and smiles faintly.

"Decided to stop running, sometimes I wonder if it was sheer stupidity more than bravery"

"Bravery, not stupidity" you assure him and there comes that dimpled grin again. It makes you feel out of sorts, tingly.

"Must have been an awful earthquake" you sympathise and Eddie nods wincing.

"Yeah, was more concentrated on dying at that point though" this confuses you and you say so.

"It wasn't the earthquake that killed you?" he stares at you puzzled.

"No, it was the bats that killed me' he points to the tattoo of the bats on his arm. Ironic right?"

Wait... What?

"Bats?" his eyes widen.

"Shit you don't know?" he cringes and then turns on his heel and disappears. You call him back, curiosity piqued.

What the heck didn't you know? What was going on? More importantly, you just talked to Eddie Munson.

It's a thought that should terrify you but it doesn't and you find yourself anxious for the chance to speak to him again.

❤️

Eddie must be as curious about you as you are about him because he appears again at the edge of the woods while you are talking to your friends.

Anticipation fills you and you want to talk to him so badly, quickly.

You're a little breathless as you catch up to him and sit on the bench.

"Can you tell me what you meant about the bats, please? If you're okay to talk about it. I understand if you don't. The memories must be awful" he pauses for a few seconds then nods.

"Okay, I'll tell you but be warned. This shit is crazy. You might not believe me" you pay him rapt attention.

"Try me" and with that he begins to tell you everything.

You just talk a lot, he opens up about what really happened in Hawkins in 1986 you're stunned and have so many questions.

Demobats, Vecna, The Upside Down, The Mindflayer, The earthquake that rocked Hawkin's was caused by Vecna killing four people, their friend Max was the last death and it literally opened the gates to hell, where The Upside Down bled into Hawkins.

There was a massive group in Hawkins including Dustin, Nancy, her brother Mike, Steve, Robin and a super powers girl named El that fought against the monsters.

The evil was defeated but Max passed away and that caused a huge fracture in the group as well as Eddie's death.

"Sucked watching all the shit going down, doing my best to help when I could. When I wasn't vanishing for months at a fucking time" Eddie murmurs and his tone hurts your heart.

"Thank you for telling me Eddie. I really appreciate it" he offers you a warm smile and sighs as he looks to the darkening sky.

"You should get home, it's been hours" the darkened sky surprises you and you swear.

"Shit. Dad is going to be so pissed" You gather your things and Eddie clears his throat.

"Can I see you tomorrow sweetheart?" your heart melts at his hopeful expression and you find yourself aching to see him too.

"Count on it" you assure him. He sticks around to make sure you get to your car safely, he's gentlemanly and it's so sweet that you are smiling all the way home.

❤️

Even though you are still stunned about talking to a ghost you enjoy talking to Eddie, you talk a lot about many things and even though he disappears sometimes he always comes back.

The time between his disappearances begins to shorten as he mentions to you one day.

It's the first time he appeared outside your window you were just in your nightie and it was kinda cute watching Eddie stammer out his apology and turn around while you pulled on your robe.

If he could blush you're sure he would.

"Come in" you call to him and it's still pretty cool watching him go through things. He's beaming, something has made him happy and it makes you smile too.

That cute grin of his is infectious.

"The disappearances are shortening princess. It's like an hour now compared to hours or even weeks before we met"

It's amazing this is happening because you miss Eddie like crazy when he isn't around.

"This is amazing" You reach out without thinking and grab his hand, you except to feel cold, nothing at all.

Instead there is only a tiny chill as your fingers interlace through his and he is gazing at you in shock.

"You can feel me?" he whimpers and you nod tightening your grip on his hand as he squeezes your hand back, both of you are at a loss on what to say but it's also so wonderful what happened that you're both grinning at each other in a happy bubble.

❤️

Betty stares at you curiously as you doodle in your notebook, you don't mean to but you're doodling Eddie's name in little hearts.

Fuck. Over the weeks and weeks you had been getting to know each other, his form more solid with each passing day you're feelings are deep and growing by the day.

The truth was you were in love with Eddie.

"You've been lost in thought, daydreaming and smiling to yourself. What's going on? Are you in love with someone?" she asks excitedly.

Your heart speeds up but then comes crushing heartache and tears spill down your cheeks.

"It doesn't matter. It can't ever happen" she looks so confused as she rushes to comfort you.

"I don't understand honey" she wouldn't be able to.

How could you explain that you were head over heels in love with a ghost?

💕

It was a quiet night. Just you and Eddie. His body so close to yours, you bridge the tiny gap between the two of you and lay your head on his chest.

He feels so solid so real and for a few precious seconds you forget that you don't hear his heart beating. That it can never beat. All that matters is that Eddie is here with you.

That's until your doorbell rings and you groan getting up, you can hear that its Todd before you even see him and feel pissed. What the hell did he want?

You open the door just wanting to get this over with.

"Babe! It's been weeks and weeks. Graduation is next Friday! I've been super patient but when are you going to take me back?" you gape at him.

"Uh, how about the first of never? We broke up for good Todd because you're an arrogant bully" he looks stunned for a second.

"This is bullshit! You've met someone else haven't you" There's a shadow upstairs near your room, it's Eddie.

He's protective and you know he won't take Todd shouting at you lightly. However you're well versed in dealing with this dumbass.

"It's none of your business. Go away, Todd. You and I are never going to happen again" he scowls and reaches towards you to grab your arm.

"What are you doing! Let go!" his eyes darken and your heart sinks but then he comes to when you wrench your arm away and he snorts.

Then the next second he's literally flying out the door and lands right on his ass outside. You slam the door shut and head back upstairs knowing Eddie is annoyed.

He is quiet as you head into your room, still fuming that Todd thought you would ever want him back.

"Of all the arrogant, conceited assholes" you huff and you turn to Eddie who is resting on your bed his face blank.

"Eddie?" he gets up, he looks so tense and you move closer to him and gently take his hand.

"Eddie?" he turns to you and he looks forlorn, it makes your heart ache so deeply when he hurts, you hurt.

"What's wrong? Is this about Todd? I don't want him back. You know that right? He's such a douchebag and... He turns away and when he turns back to you his gaze is cold.

"Yeah, he's a dickhead but not every guy you meet will be. You'll find someone special, look at you. You're amazing, sweet, kind, beautiful" his words warm your heart and yet you still feel anxious.

"I don't want some guy. I... You're all I think about Eddie" It's the first time you've admitted out loud even though it's been obvious between you two for a while now.

He shakes his head, his eyes shining but his face set and angry.

"You can't sweetheart. I'm not even here, not really. You can feel me and I can feel you, yeah but it doesn't change the fact that I don't even have a fucking heartbeat"

"It doesn't change the fact that you have no future with me"

There's silence and he begins to fade.

"Please don't go" you beg and he smiles sadly.

"I can't be selfish sweetheart, you deserve someone real, someone who can be with you properly, that can't happen while I'm hanging around. Goodbye princess, thank you for making me happy for the first time in thirty five years" his hand gently strokes over your cheek.

"No, no" you beg but he disappears completely and he doesn't come back, not even for your heartbreaking calls.

Even if it breaks the heart that no longer beats inside of him, he knows he has to stay away.

❤️

It's been a week since Eddie left, sometimes you think that you catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of your eye, smell his cologne when you wake up in the night but it's all just wishful thinking you realise.

You can't even explain to anyone why you're heartbroken, you feel so alone.

Graduation passes by and while you're happy that you and your friends will be together at the newly built Hawkins academy, there is still a heaviness in your heart that is left by Eddie's absence.

For a second you swear you see Eddie at the edge of the forest but he's gone the next second and you're sure much to your disappointment that you imagined it.

He really wasn't coming back. The thought broke your heart all over again.

❤️

The next night you find yourself wandering around Lovers Lake. All your friends are here and it's a massive party for all seniors.

As they party you head off on your own and find the cave that Eddie supposedly haunts, you just want to feel close to him for a little while.

The tears you've been holding in since yesterday fall and you cry it all out, all the heart ache and pain.

"Please don't cry," you think you imagine Eddie's voice but when you look up he's watching you, he looks agonised.

"What are you doing here, I thought you were staying away?" you wipe your eyes and stand up shakily. He swallows and moves closer to you.

"It's hell. Like a physical constant ache, it never goes away, the longing to be with you. When I'm not with you I'm in agony. Didn't know being dead could hurt this much. Hurt even worse than when I died"

Your whole body shakes with tears.

"I feel the same way, it feels like I can't breathe Eddie, it hurts so badly" he reaches out to you and his hand rests on your cheek.

"How can I stick around though? I'm just keeping you from moving on, finding someone who...who can really be with you" he spits out the words, the devastation in his eyes breaks your heart.

"This isn't fair. Life sucks ass you know that?" this brings a smile to his face and you cuddle into him, then you peer up at him.

"I love you Eddie, I'm in love with you" his expression changes, it's like happiness radiates from him and it fills your heart with joy.

"I love you too sweetheart, I'm so in love with you" his lips meet yours and you kiss passionately, pouring all of your love for each other into the kiss.

The kiss is incredible, perfect. You kiss for what seems like hours until you slowly part, Eddie's lips press to your forehead.

Then something weird happens, and Eddie's eyes widen. He stares at you for a second and whispers "Princess"

Then he's just gone.

❤️

Eddie expects to disappear and then re appear within an hour or so.

Instead of an hour it's barely a minute and something feels wrong. One minute he's in The Upside Down and he's bones and dust, the next minute, as if by magic he can feel his body coming back together, bones forming once more, skeleton then his body piecing itself back together, he opens his eyes and he can hear the most wonderful sound that he's heard in thirty five years.

The sound of his own heartbeat. He can't even comprehend how this happened. How he is alive once more.

Maybe magic did exist? If those creatures, the demobats, MindFlayer, Vecna and another dimension under Hawkins then who's to say that magic wasn't real?

A miracle had happened that's for sure. Tears burn in his eyes and he knows so much has changed over the years, his friends are grown up, his uncle an old man.

And yet he was given a second chance, another chance at life and he wasn't going to waste a single second.

At first he's unsteady on his feet, he cuts himself some slack. Shit he's been dead for so long.

Somehow though he gets out of the cold desolate world of the destroyed Upside Down.

He crawls his way out of hell and into the light.

❤️

It's a couple of hours later, you're at home and the sun is beginning to rise. Bird sing fills the air as sunlight fills your room.

That perfect kiss with Eddie fills your mind. Was it a goodbye kiss? Something didn't feel right when he disappeared and it's troubling you what it is.

"Princess" you peer up and Eddie is at your window, you race over to open it and he comes in.

"I thought you were gone" tears blur your vision and you throw your arms around him.

It takes a second for you to realise that he's warm, so warm, Eddie smiles through tears as he says something to you.

He's beaming, absolutely radiant,his whole body is solid and through your haze of tears you hear the words he's been saying to you.

"Princess, listen" he places your hand on his chest and you lean in close.

Thump, thump, thump.

You can feel the steady thump of his heart beat. It's the most beautiful sound you've ever heard.

"How?" you're barely able to gasp out and he shakes his head, he has no idea either.

"After our kiss, I woke up in that place, everything was desolote and there was barely any sign of an exit but I crawled my way out of where my Uncle's trailer used to be" he closes his eyes.

"I was down there in the upside down but then I got to the surface, I could feel the sunlight, hear birds singing and could feel my heart racing, by some fucking miracle I was brought back"

"I've been given a second chance to have a new life, connect with Dustin and the others, spend my life with you if you'll have me, you're the woman I want to spend my life with" you kiss him elated.

"Yes, yes, yes. I'll be by your side through all of it Eddie". His eyes darken in a delicious way that makes your whole body tingle.

"There's so many people I want to see but first I really want to spend the morning making love to my girl. Does that sound good to you Princess?"

"Yes", you manage to say as his arms wrap around you pulling you close to him.

For the first time you make love, feeling Eddie's body close to you, the way he makes you feel is everything.

Mind-blowing orgasms sweep over you both but the absolute best part is when you cuddle into his arms sleepy, when you wake up he's dozing peacefully, there's a smile on his face and you sigh content as you rest your head against his chest.

His heartbeat lulls you back to sleep once more, a smile on your face as you slumber.

❤️✨

[chemicallady]

Heyyy, would you possibly be able to do a Noah Sebastian story that is like a brothers best friend dynamic? I live eat and breathe this stuff lol

I WANNA FEEL LOVE AGAIN

Couple: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

Content Warning: slight mention of sexual intercorse. Nothing too deep, I'm saving it for next Chapters

Summary:  you're a real mess, your life is turning into a living hell, so your brother Matt convinces you to move in with him in LA and start working for the band he's taking care of

A/N: I dont wanna spoil to much in here, because... Well, you' ll see. English is not my native language and no one peer review this ff. It's gonna be a world of fun, I already know it!

Important! I don't know Noah or Matt or any of the real people portrayed un this story. This is fictional!

Enjoy then 😏

Ouch, I've lost myself again

You've always been around, unseen. Having a brother like Matt could be a blessing and a nightmare in equal parts. You were feeded with stories about gigs and musicians while grow up with your older brother, who is dear to you in a way that actually you cant explain. Matt as always been your twin flame even if you are younger than him. You grew up looking at him with a lot of respect and it broke your heart when he left Texas, moving to California. At the time you werent ready for the big change and your brother's friend were still a bit mysterious to you.

You were used to spend as much time as possible in his company, but with this fresh start for him, you just fell into the ordinary. Nothing against your life, by the way; your parents always supporting, best friends ready to drive you to the closer pub and deliver the best night possible, a lovely boyfriend who adored you in any meaning.

You loved the shit out of Shawn. He was your person, the one always there when you were in need. Your high school sweetheart. Maybe he wasnt your first kiss or your first fuck but he was the one who made you feel like it was worthy, living for someone else. The one who pushed you to improve yourself for your own sake, that helped you in finding a job for the local tattoo shop as a piercer when the school was over.

You did everything in your power to be the best girlfriend possible. You decoreted your shared flat in the warmest way possible. You turned down a good scholarship for that college in Montana, pissing your parents and brother for this lost opportunity. You gave up to your dream to be a writer because he had to stay in Texas and take care of his mom. You helped him through the loss, when she die.

But it wasn't enough.

You loved the shit out of Shawn and he loved you in return, but it wasn't enough.

Your relationship suffered a slow, agonizing death with multiple attempt of reanimation. Vacations togheter, a bigger flat, a cat.

Nothing compensate the distance between the two of you and he was the one brave enough to call it for a quit. You knew was gonna happen but it didn't hurt you less. Moving back to your parents, while quitting your job just to avoid to meet him everyday, took you to the bottom. Then the shutdown decided to kick you while you were already down, spending days in bed just listen music or watching anime whitout any chance to go out with your friends or for just a walk.

Everyone was really worried about you. You lose weight and that energy that always marked you.

And you stayed there, drowing in your own misery until Matt decided that enough was enough.

《 Pack your shit, you're moving in with me to LA. You're done making mom and pops that upset.》

The end of fall 2021 signed your rebirth. Matt found a bigger apartment for the two of you and Lucifurr, your vicious black cat which has an obsession in chewing cables and destroy everything paper made. You have always want to leave nearby the ocean and Malibu had a ton of opportunities to offer you. You started a yoga class the same week you moved, in order to make some new friends. Accoding to Matt, there are a lot of things to do around the band he is working with, Bad Omens.

You offer yourself as a merchgirl, but since you're a good writer an even better in tolerate people bullshit (you have to be karmatic, all the teens who came to get a piercing to the shop have always made a scene in front of needles), you could be perfect as a PR/assistant for the band. You remember them barely because someway somehow, these are the guys who steal all the time Matt has. Time that you never get.

You remember this four guys with long hair, basic metalheads, except for the drummer. You remember when you gave him the nostril after a show in 2015, maybe 16, and he took it like a champ whitout complaining. You remember the singer, this slenderman type of guy with beautiful long hair that looks like silk. You've never felt more envy of someone else hair like that. And also the other three guys were nice, especially Vincent. The only one who you can connect to a familiar face because you two got a nice conversation on tattoos when you visited Matt, three years ago.

They are nice.

You've heard stories about them at every phone call.

But still, thieves of precious moments that you want have again in your life again between you and your brother.

All the missing birthday, all the call postponed due to technical issues. He wasn't there to pick up your pieces when Shawn get a rid of you.

And Matt wasn't supposed to, but being selfish, you wish he was there.

But he is now and this is enough to bring the light back to your life. The long talks after dinner, movie nights, everything is back to the normal between you two since you moved and it's restoring.

With this wave of good mood, even if you havent forgotten Shawn yet, you enroll to gym, so you can work out after yoga.

And is in this specific place that you meet Eric.

The first time you caught him lurking at you you were running on the thremill.

There is something familiar in him but still, you dont know anyone in LA. You were the one who actually landed the first conctact with this new alien subject, so introvert to avoid your eyes.

《 Today is hot as hell, right?》

Talking about the weather is the easiest card to play. He smiled a bit shily to you before answering. 《 Don't tell me, I hate how hot is in here. Are you new? I've never seen you around》

《 I just moved in with my brother, actually. 》

《 You're a southie for sure. I like your accent.》

You giggle at his words, while he gets some confidence, passing a hand through this short hair. 《 you got me. You don't sound californian as well》.

《 Maybe because I'm not》. There was a moment in which he seemed to be doubtful, like he changed his mind and he didn't want actually to talk with you. He looked at you with a weird expression, like he realised something was off. 《 What's your name?》, he asked then, almost suspicious.

And then you lied. You rarely give your real name to strangers. A self defence mechanism for girls. 《 Vanessa. You?》

He looked more relaxed, 《 Eric.》

《 Nice to meet you Eric... Do you know a nice bar around? 》

《 Maybe I know a place 》 he reflected, smiling a bit malicious. He was definitely flirting. 《 Can offer you a beer or something? Just to welcome you in town.》

You are not ready for a new story yet, but after almost a year after you broke up with Shawn, you needed at least some human conctact. Eric was nice with you since the beginning. He invited you to this dive bar after the gym a couple of times, not far from your place. He paid for you a couple of cocktails while having a real nice Conversation. A superficial one, about the tattoos that covered him. About living in LA. You mentioned your brother a couple of times and he talked about his roomates and all the crazy things they have done during the pandemic.

He told you he is a Producer and you told him you're still unemployed.

One way or another, he got closer to you in a matter of days. And when he kissed you, you obliged and kiss him back. One thing leaded to another and the two of you ended fucking in the back of his SUV. And oh boy... you needed it so much. It was a quickie, but he seemed to be promising. His long fingers stimulated you untill you cried out for pleasure. His mounth divoured you inch by inch. And his cock....

He knew how to use it, let's say that.

After, he gave you his number and the two of you planned to see each other by the end of the week, at the gym, after your yoga class and his class of jujitsu....

The morning after you're fresh and relaxed like you weren't in months. Matt tends to be overprotective so you didn't told him about Eric while you were having breakfast. You need to know this guys deeply before accept that you know have a situationship. And your brother doesn't need to know about you screacting you itchies.

He has a hot temper when someone looks at his dear little sis.

After breakfast you got ready to meet the band again after almost three years.

《 I can't believe Vincent quitted. He was the nicest.》

Matt sighs while driving to the guys' house, mentally focused on the traffic. 《 youll see him when we'll be in Virginia, don't worry. 》

Your eyes slip on streets and houses, wards and parks but you still feel like You're in a new country. You don't know how much it will take to get used to California.

《 here we are》 , Matt says, parking. 《 let's refresh the rules.》

《 Oh c'mon, I'm not twelve anymore》

《 y/n 》

《 alright! I don't have to embarrass you while you're free to be mean on me. I don't have to embarrass myself talking shit just because I'm nervous and if the music sucks, I can't tell your precious Noah.》

《 You can do better but, more or less, that's it. Lets go. I need another coffe and maybe something sweet before start to film the music video. 》

It's so weird filming inside a house and not in a proper set but all this low budget bullshit are quite the normal for small bands, you think.

You have to be their assistant and eventually a PR- so Matt can stop to bitching on twitter all the time- and you know nothing about bands.

According to Matt, you're going to learn quick.

According to Matt. You know that he picked you up for the job so he can force you to write what he wants.

And continuing to bitch around through you.

The guitar player greets you at the door and introduces himself again as Jolly. The rest of the guys minus Noah are in the garage. It's marvelous how Orie, one of the guys who lives here, a director, reorganize the space with tubes and flashlight.

《 What's the name of the song, again? 》 you ask to Nick Folio, whos already youre favorite.

《 Artifical Suicide》 it's the answer, while he takes his place back behind the drums.

《So emo》 it's your honest observation that makes him laught. Matt looks at you in a way that if he could, you would be incinerated where you're standing. You're already embarrassing him.

Nice.

You regret nothing.

It's a lil sister job to make her brother in troubles, that's what pops always says.

Mike brings you a coffe that you accept with a smile, than tells everyone the news about the singer that is still not here.

A diva, of course. That's your first thought. Every singer is a natural diva.

《 He is still looking for the glove.》

《 He would lost his head if it wasn't attacked to his neck》 , a solid comment arrives from Ruffilo, immediatly followed by an annoyed reply from behind you.

《 I can ear you motherfucker. You are- what the fuck?》

You turn in time to face the famous singer and almost choke with the coffe.

《 Yo Noah, do you remember my sister, y/n?》

You see Noah turning pale for a second while trying to say something in return.

You're also speechless for a second, before putting your shit togheter so Matt wont finds out in the first five minutes. 《 Howdy! You... you cut your hair. Nice. I didn't know》

You didn't.

That's why was so easy for Noah to be Eric for almost a week. For a hook up with you. His best friend sister.

....Splendid.

You're fucked.

[samkerrworshipper]

the call up

leah williamson x reader

please keep sending requests in i need some fuel!

angst, panic attacks, pain, mentions of abuse of power, mentions of abuse, a short 4000 words im posting this at 2am so sorry for any typos or little things i might have missed x

my heart breaks for the espwnt as they navigate their current situation and i’ve been thinking a lot about it so here’s this little fic ❤️

blurb: you got the news notification, not a text, not a call, a fucking new notification that had broken your heart into a million different pieces

———————————————————————

I was consciously ignoring the sound of furious knocking against the bathroom door, but not on purpose. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I’d felt that way ever since I’d gotten the news notification and then the follow up text from Alexia asking if I was okay. No I wasn’t okay, but I’d told her I was fine anyway. It was a blur to me what had happened after that, I’d thrown my phone at a wall, knowing that my phone was probably 30 seconds off of lighting up furiously with more notifications. How could they do this to us? How could they do it to me? After that I’d stumbled my way into my ensuite, finding it hard to see properly with the tears that were crowding my eyes. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think beyond the thought of how this was actually happening.

I’d staggered my way into the shower, cranking the water to its highest point and sitting myself down on the floor. I was bawling my eyes out but I couldn’t really feel it, all I felt was numbness, overwhelmingly numb. The shower water was boiling hot but the searing liquid felt perfect against my skin, it did wonders to comfort the iciness inside of me. It also drowned out the neverending sound of me sobbing furiously into my own skin. I was still wearing my clothes, still dressed in the same t-shirt and shorts that I’d been wearing when I’d gotten the notification. I was scratching furiously at my legs, seeking out the relief that the mixture of pain and burning gave me.

How was this the world that we were living in? How was it that in the current world that we lived in I didn’t even have a basic human right? I was a sobbing, trembling mess just thinking about it all.

How was I supposed to go there and pretend that everything was fine, that I didn’t want to claw my throat out just at the thought of being in the presence of some of those people. It was insanity, pure insanity. I was a fucking world champion, one of the best players in the world and yet here I was, back to square one. What was the point in us even signing a treaty if they were just going to flat out ignore it anyways. It made me sick to my stomach, in what world was this okay, in what world was this how we lived?

Leah would probably hate me, hate me for being ungrateful for the opportunity, hate me for not taking a chance to play when she couldn’t. I was being fucking childish, it shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, shouldn’t have been that upsetting. I was being given the opportunity to play the sport I loved for my country, so why did everything about it feel so wrong? Why couldn’t I find a part of my heart that was happy that I’d been called up, happy about the prospect of playing for my country. I should have been happy, should have been excited, should have been bewildered that they were asking for me to come back even after I’d told the press about all the abuse, it was a miracle really. My heart went out to Mapi, my best friend who I knew would be absolutely devastated that she’d been called up, she’d rejected a call-up to the world cup because of her views and now that was invalidated, everything she’d stood for was going out the window, much like the rest of us.

It was the knocking that brought me out of my spiral, it was non-stop, loud and furious.

“Y/n, I’m coming in sweetheart.”

It was Leah’s voice, both so gentle and stern at the same time. I didn’t take my head out of my knees as I heard the door to our ensuite open, I must have forgotten to lock it in the flurry of emotions that had gotten me to the shower floor. I heard Leah step cautiously into the room, probably taking in her surroundings and the state I was in. Then I heard the door to the shower opening and I couldn’t help but pull my head out of the spot in between my legs to look at her. She looked flustered, her hair and clothes dishevelled and nothing like what they’d looked like when she’d left this morning to take our dogs on a walk and meet up with Keira for coffee.

“Oh darling.”

I knew I probably looked like a mess, mascara smudged all over my red eyes. She reached out to comfort me but immediately recoiled when her skin made contact with the water, letting out a string of profanities towards the water,

“Fuck, you’re burning yourself,” She said, her eyes flashing with fear as she reached towards the temperature dial, immediately turning it down to a more luke warm temperature.

“No, I need to feel clean,” I reached up to turn the water controls back to my previous temperature btu Leah’s hand stopped me, her hands gently gathering my own in hers.

“You are clean y/n,” Her voice was a mere whisper, her voice hoarse as she hurriedly slipped off her shirt and shorts before climbing into the shower with me, just left in her sports bra and boxer shorts.

“Dirty,” I choked out, flinching away from her as she snaked an arm around my body.

“You are not dirty y/n/n,” her voice was stern, she was speaking to me with the intention to get past my internalised barriers that were trying to block her out, trying to block out her attempts to convince me that my self deprecating thoughts were wrong.

As soon as she noticed my hands falling down to my legs to continue scratching at them to get some release she put a stop to it, her own hands intertwining with mine and bringing them to her chest.

“I know there are a lot of twisted thoughts going through your head right now sweetheart, I know that this whole situation is so fucked up, beyond it being okay but I’m here for you.”

I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like every breath that I was taking in was lacking in oxygen and everything I needed to be able to fucking breathe.

“How can they do this? How can they make us do this?”

Leah just shook her head at me, because we both knew she didn’t have an answer, that as much as I leaned on her to give me an answer for everything she just couldn’t in this situation.

“I don’t know.”

Her words were rocky, splotchy, it reflected everything that I was feeling in that moment.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m being ungrateful, I mean you can’t even play and I’m sitting her complaining about the fact I’m being given the opportunity to play,”

“You aren’t being given an opportunity, you are being forced to play. You are allowed to be annoyed about that, it’s not being ungrateful. We live in a world where as women we are supposed to be grateful about every single fucking opportunity we are given but this isn’t a opportunity my love, it’s fucking abuse, especially after what those men did to you.”

I shivered at Leah’s words, just thinking about everything that I’d given to that team just to be fucking abused and assaulted, it had taken so much therapy for me to acknowledge that it had been abuse, that it hadn’t been deserved, that I deserved better.

“I can’t go back, I can’t do it,” Leah nodded at me, pressing her lips to my forehead under the spray of the shower and nodding against my skin.

“That’s okay, we’ll sort it out, I’ll call Ale and we’ll figure it out. If you don’t want to go you don’t have to, we can't risk your mental health for fucking soccer.”

“They’ll take my licence, they’ll fine me, I’ll never be allowed back, they’ll find a way to invalidate my passport and I’ll never get to see my family again,”

“That’s a bridge we can cross, we’ll figure it out, what matters most is that you are okay.”

I didn’t feel okay, I felt like I was tearing at the seams, like seeing that news notification pop up on my screen as I’d been catching up on the most recent episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was probably the worst moment of my life.

“You do feel safe, y/n?”

I shook my head, burying deep into Leah’s neck, trying to get as far away from the world as I could.

“I love you y/n, I will never stop loving you, no matter what happens, you are stuck with me, so even if thats hard to believe I need you to know that, I need you to think about that. Let’s get you out of the shower, yeah?��

She was right, I didn’t believe her. I kept my cheek pressed into her neck as she lifted me up off of the floor and out of the shower, stripping off my layers and wrapping me in a towel, I refused to face her though, refused to look into those eyes.

“Can I carry you?” Her voice was so hesitant and before I could gather my thoughts, the ones that told me to push Leah away I found myself nodding.

She engulfed me in her arms so quickly it was as if she knew I was on the cusp of changing my mind, I still hadn’t stopped crying, my sobs had just quietened down into numb, soundless tears that somehow burned my cheeks as they dripped down my skin. My chest pressed against her own as she lifted me up and walked us into our room, our bedroom. I squeezed my eyes, trying my hardest to ignore how perfect it felt in that moment to be pressed against her, to be in her arms, how perfect it felt to be held by her.

She gently placed me down on our bed and I tried my hardest not to whimper at the loss of contact, she dashed off into our wardrobe, stumbling around in there for a few seconds before returning with a fresh matching bra and boxer set on herself and a sports bra and pair of boxer shorts for me. I didn’t even flinch as she pulled the items of clothing over my body, just went limp in her arms. Once she was done dressing me she climbed onto the bed beside me.

“Can I hold you?”

I nodded at her with tears in my eyes and she’d immediately wrapped both of her arms around me. She rested herself against the head of the bed and brought me into her lap so my back was pressed against her chest, it was the skin to skin contact that made me start to sob unapologetically and furiously. Leah was quick to tighten her grip on me and start to rock me back and forth in her arms.

“I’m so sorry this is happening to you sweetheart, I’ll do anything I can to fix it.”

Leah was a problem solver, furiously dedicated to helping out anyone that she could. In this instance though I couldn’t find anything that she could actually help with, what was there for her to do? No one could do anything, any effort, any attempt to try and make a change, for Jenni, for us all, was over.

“How am I supposed to go there and act all happy and grateful when all I want to do is tell them all fuck you, fuck you for doing this to me, fuck you for condoning the abuse for years, fuck you for covering it all up.”

My words came out in hiccups between the sobs, Leah waited for a few minutes before answering me, it got to the point where I was worried she wasn’t going to answer me at all.

“If you don’t want to stay and play you won’t have to, it’s against your rights and the FIFA code says so, fuck there bullshit law that says you have to go. We’ll talk with our lawyers, talk with Ale and Mapi and we’ll find a solution. If they make you play then you can sit on the field, you can fake an injury, get yourself red carded. We’ll find a solution, we’ll work it out.”

Everything Leah said made sense but it also didn’t, how was I supposed to go there, how was I supposed to walk in a building and try and reason with people I was terrified of, people that I now needed anti anxiety medication for, people that had given me years of trauma and PTSD.

It was then that we were both shaken by a furious banging from our front door, my mind went to the worst place possible. What if it was reporters, or people from fifa, or people from the Spanish federation? What if they’d come to take me, what if they were already here to take my licence or take me to jail?”

Leah sensed my distress and slid herself out from behind me.

“I’ll go take a look, stay here, it’ll be fine.”

Even her voice was unsure, like she didn’t even know if it was actually okay. She darted out of our room, I heard her thudding down the stairs and then making it to our front door. I heard her open it, which indicated to me it had to be someone we knew because if it was someone she didn’t want to see she would have looked through the peephole and left them. I heard the hushed voices of two people, maybe? Then the furiously fast footsteps of an amount of people I couldn’t make out. Within a few second though all was revealed to me as Alexia, Mapi, Lucy and Keira bursted into my room, Leah chasing after them. One look at them all had me sobbing again. Alexia and Mapi were quick to jump onto the bed beside me, I noticed the the tear tracks that were painting Mapi’s face as well and the red rims around her eyes. Mapi was my best friend in the entire world, we’d played with each other since we were kids. Alexia was like my older sister, she’d taken me under my wing as soon as I’d joined Barca as a rookie and she’d treated me like her own ever since. The two women meant more to me than anybody else, bar Leah and I knew that they both knew how much this would be tearing me up.

“How can they do this to us? After everything they’ve done?”

“Lo se mi amor, lo siento mucho.” (I know my love, I’m so sorry)

Ale’s voice didn’t do much to comfort me, if anything her familiar words that were spoken in our mother tongue just made it all pour out of me more.

The two english women in the room were lead out by Leah, the three of them sensing that this was a moment that us Spaniards needed to have on our own.

“No puedo hacerlo Ale lo siento pero no puedo hacerlo.” (I can’t do it Ale, I’m so sorry but I can’t do it.)

“It’s okay Mi amor, I understand. We are going to sort it out for you and Mapi, we’ll figure it out, you don’t have to be there if you don’t want to, they can’t force you.”

“Can’t they?”

It was the first time Mapi had gotten a word into the conversation and Alexia’s eyes immediately met hers in a glare, she was trying to stop me from working myself up even further and Mapi’s words weren’t helping.

“No they can’t María, we’ll work it out, I’ll sort it out for my girls, I’ll keep you protected, te prometo que.” (I promise you)

“You can’t make that promise, you didn’t protect us last time.”

The tension between the two was thickening and it was making me feel even smaller.

“I can try my hardest, last time it was different and you know it, this time we have an audience, we have people that we can trust to help us, we don’t have to be scared anymore, I am going to protect you, lo juro.”

I pressed myself further into Ale’s arms, finding solace and comfort in the older woman's arms.

“I’m scared, Ale.”

I felt Ale’s head nod against my own from its position balancing on top of mine, her head burrowing into my semi wet hair that Leah had partly dried with a towel.

“I know pequeño, you have every right to be scared, but I’ll keep you safe and if you want to go home after we negotiate with them then you can, no one is going to make you play.”

I nodded into Ale’s body, searching for Mapi’s hand and when I found it tangling it in my own, finding warmth and steadiness in her hand.

I could feel my body relaxing into Ale’s, the emotions of the last hour starting to hit me and affect my energy level.

“Go to sleep, cariño, rest, you need it.”

I’d nodded sleepily into Alexia’s body and let myself relax fully against her, letting all of the stress, fear and anxieties leave my body as the feeling of sleep started to overcome my senses.

When I woke up it was no longer light outside. I shot up in bed, realising I was alone and immediately clutching at my chest as I felt the anxiety overcome my body, I’d been deserted, because of my stupid fears about being called up, I deserved it, I was so weak, so stupid, so fucking unworthy of love and attention. It all came crashing down on me, like a massive wave, all of the feelings crashing down on top of me in an overwhelming cascade. I was gasping for air, frantically clawing the sheets of the bed off of my body, suddenly feeling overwhelmed, overheated and sweaty. I’d left a cold sweat patch on our bed sheets but it didn’t really bother me, I was so hot and it was so hard to breathe and I just couldn’t think.

The next thing I knew Leah was walking into our room with a cup of tea that she’d almost immediately dropped when her eyes had met mine, forgetting the cup and liquid and jumping directly onto the bed, her mind immediately reeling.

“Y/n/n, you're having a panic attack, I need you to breathe for me, how we’ve practised, you’re going to be okay, take some deep breaths for me.”

I’d gulped and nodded at Leah, we had practised it quite a bit, it didn’t make it any easier when this happened but it did reassure me that I knew how to do it.

Her hand had almost immediately found its way to my hunched over back, rubbing circles into the muscles along my back as I struggled to take in any oxygen.

“You’ve got it my love, deep breaths, in and out, it’s going to be okay, I’m right here.”

Leah’s voice was so soft, so comforting, like it was made of cotton and teddy bear fur.

“I thought I was alone and I-I thought you’d left me.”

My voice was so unsteady, so unlike me.

“I’m never leaving you honey, not if I can help it, I’m here for you, always by your side.”

She solidified her statement by pressing a gentle kiss to the side of my temple, I relaxed my scrunched up face against her mouth, trying to enjoy the feeling of it as much as possible.

“Good girl, keep taking those deep breaths for me, you're doing so well mi amor.”

Leah knew very little Spanish, I’d tried my hardest to teach her some, especially when she’d stayed with me in Barca but it just never stuck, she didn’t practise enough for it to stick, not that I minded, my mum was english so I’d spoken both since I was a child, my English was just as good as my Spanish so it wasn’t hard for me to converse with my partner.

Leah’s voice kept rubbing against my back, helping to guide me back down to earth from the panic induced cloud that I’d sent myself to. When I did finally come back down I started to take in my surroundings, the damp sheet below me, Leah’s breath against my neck, our dog and cat sitting on the edge of our bed, cuddled up together asleep.

“Hey angel, you back with me?”

Her voice was so gentle, so patient. Leah’s hand found its way to my face, brushing the loose brunette strands from my face and pushing them behind my ear. I felt shameful, I couldn’t handle looking into those eyes, those eyes that held a world's worth of care in them, the eyes that I knew could break me down into tears on their own accord.

“M’ sorry.”

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

Her reassurance was what I needed, I craved that reassurance, craved her approval.

“I just want this all to go away, I just want to be able to me be, just live how I want to.”

Leah pushed herself back against our pillows and pulled me with her, wrapping her arms around me and bringing me to her chest, her lips fell to my forehead out of habit, it was one of her favourite things to do, I loved the connection.

“You can be you, you are allowed to be upset about this, there is nothing wrong about being angry about what is happening to you.”

I let my head find a nook in Leah’s body and relax into it properly, finding so much peace in her.

“I just want this to all be over, better yet, never have happened.”

“Fair enough, you’ve dealt with enough bullshit to last you the rest of your life, you are allowed to be angry about that, anything you feel is valid, your life has been turned upside down by a bunch of old white men who don’t care about anybody besides themselves and it sucks, it sucks that most of the men in power across our world are the same and that we can’t really do anything to change that. I’m here for you though, so is Ale and Mapi and everyone else that cares about you. It sucks, but that's what we have and maybe it’s enough, maybe it’s all we really need.”

I nodded along with Leah’s words, she was so wise, so smart considering her age. It was one of the things I admired her so much for, how she knew so much but was also prepared to educate herself on something that she wasn’t sure about. She was always wanting to be better, to learn more, it was jarring for me when I’d met her, having come from a very traditional family and set of views.

“Go back to sleep my love, we’ll work this all out in the morning, I promise.”

“Pinky swear?”

She’d rolled her eyes at me but nodded regardlessly, knowing that if she didn’t my anxieties would creep up and I’d probably send myself into another fit.

“I pinky swear.”

[livingformintyoongi]

Cruel Summer | Hyung Line

I've been working on this for quite some time because I've been busy making the requests. Even though I still have a few more to go, I wanted to post it because it's really something I'm very excited about ^^

Taglist: @thunderg @drpepperobsessed @minjianhyung @queenv1997 @yoongtism @lizzymizzy-blogg @zent9 @superbbananananana

Jin: “It’s cool, that’s what I tell ‘em/No rules, in breakable heaven/It’s a cruel summer/With you”.

You checked your phone for the third time tonight. There were no messages or missed calls. You were starting to get anxious.

"Is everything okay, Y/N?" the soft voice of Soomin interrupted the mess that was starting to form in your head. Nothing was fine, quite the opposite. Jin had ignored all your messages and calls, you knew he was busy, but you were starting to worry, what if something bad had happened to him?

"I'm sure it's because of Seokjin" Chaeyoung said, absentmindedly eating a piece of fried chicken. She didn't look perturbed at all. You envied that about her. "Y/N, you know that what you're doing won't get you anywhere, why do you keep going?"

"It has nothing to do with that, and just so you know, we're getting along just fine" you replied quietly, taking your fruit smoothie and drinking it. "We don't need a name for our relationship, and we don't have to dedicate time to each other 24/7 either, it's like having a boyfriend, but with a lot less work", yeah, well, you didn't believe what you just said either, but neither of them need to know that.

"I thought you liked the idea of having a boyfriend" Sooah, who was at the other corner of the table, looked up from her book and studied you with that scary look she gave every time the gears in her head started turning. She seriously scared you when she made that face, "or are you just saying that to try to fool yourself just because you got used to his company and don't want to lose him anymore?".

It scared you how accurate her prediction was.

"Sooah, calm down" Yoori, one of your closest friends, rested her hand on your shoulder and gently rubbed it. A sympathetic smile appeared on her face and as soon as you saw her, you started to feel ashamed of yourself. Shit, did you look that bad for Yoori to see you that way? "Human relationships are complicated, don't be anxious about going through problems like that, it happens to everyone sometime."

"If you're so worried about him not answering, why don't you pay him a visit? Maybe he'll be glad to see you, after all he's the one who always comes looking for you."

The idea of going to his house on your own made you too nervous, especially since he had made it quite clear that he didn't like people showing up out of the blue there. He had mentioned something about how he was afraid the place would leak and some obsessed person would break into his house. That was one of the reasons he always went to your house, no one followed you to your front door.

"What if he gets upset?" you muttered with a slight frown.

"Tell him the reason you wanted to look for him" Soomin directed a smile so bright you almost smiled back, "If everything you've told us about him is true, he'll probably be very excited to see you."

You smiled helplessly. Jin was so much more than someone to hang out with and just have sex with. He was sweet, he loved to cook for you, to massage your back when you were too tense, or to kiss your face every time you saw him for a long time. He was the man of your dreams, everything you ever wanted in your life, so why did you have this feeling in your chest that there was something you still didn't see? Nothing could be completely perfect, you repeated to yourself every time you saw him, he couldn't be the exception.

"I'll walk you" Sooah stood up from her seat, taking her car keys and staring at you. Her blue eyes were such a contrast to the somber look she had.

"Thanks" you mumbled, taking your purse and dropping some money to pay your share.

The trip was too quiet. You loved Sooah, and you knew she loved you too. You've known her for as long as you can remember, so you understood that she wasn't cold, just distrustful. At some point in your friendship you ended up deciphering the kind of silences she gave. This one definitely gave you a bad feeling.

"You shouldn't write to him so much" she said in a raspy voice. It took you a while to figure out what she meant, "If he doesn't respond to the first message, indeed, if he deliberately ignores your call, why even make an effort to get him...whatever they have, to move on?"

"Why do you say he ignored my call?" You felt a tightness in your chest as you noticed how Sooah's hands squeezed the handlebars of the car until her knuckles went pale. She knew something. 

"Why don't you better find out for yourself?" she replied after a few minutes of silence. She parked the car in front of the house and turned to look at you. 

"You know something, don't you?" your lips tightened tightly as you noticed that no words were going to come out of her. You were afraid of her answer, obviously, but you didn't want to be left wondering.

A sob, too loud and high-pitched to belong to a man, pulled you out of the staring war you began to have with Sooah. You both turned to see where the noise was coming from. You immediately wished you hadn't.

You could feel Sooah's gaze on the back of your head, but she didn't say a word. You only had eyes for Jin right now, to be more specific, you only had eyes for Jin and the girl who was clinging to him as if her life depended on it.

You wanted an explanation. Now.

"I saw her out with him this morning" you heard from the driver's side, "At first I thought she was a friend, but Namjoon told me she was Jin's ex-girlfriend. From what he told me, they've known each other since high school."

You understood her point. His ex-girlfriend from a few years ago shows up in a place as private as this, right in the middle of Jin's vacation, wearing a dress too fancy to be on the beach, and crying her eyes out on Jin's chest. The same chest you fell asleep on all night.

"I trust Jin" you whispered, not sure if you were saying it to Sooah or to yourself. Yes, you two weren't an official couple, but you had sworn exclusivity to each other until whatever it was you had was over. He promised you, face to face, it was the first time you saw him so serious.

You could hear Sooah's sigh. She didn't trust his word as much as you did.

You started nibbling on your lip with each passing second. The girl didn't seem to want to pull away, but Jin didn't seem to want to push her away either. 

"Y/N" Sooah gently took your elbow. You didn't look away from the couple in front of you. "I'm just trying to show you what kept him busy enough to ignore you..."

"I don't know if he did it on purpose," you said, raising your voice and turning to look at her. You felt terrible to see Sooah's hurt look at your shout. You had never raised your voice to her before. "She's just a friend and..."

You frowned as you saw Sooah's eyes widen in surprise. She was looking behind you. It was only at that moment that you realized that irritating sobs were no longer audible.

You turned around fast enough that your neck hurt like hell itself. And then you saw it. The idiot was kissing her. He was grabbing her waist just like he did with you when he greeted you or said goodbye. 

"I..."

"Start the car, please" you mumbled, looking away from Jin and fixing your eyes on the street, it looked much more interesting now.

"Yes" she moved the key and the engine started to sound. You thought you heard Jin's voice behind you, but you preferred to think it was just your imagination.

A strong urge to get home and brush your teeth and body flooded you. You felt dirty, stupid and very, very upset. You took a long sigh, trying to get your rational side over the urge you had to hit him.

It wasn't until Sooah held out some tissues she pulled out of her trunk that you realized tears were streaming down your face.

"I'm fine" you whispered, wiping your face and keeping your expression as neutral as possible.

"I know" Sooah replied, taking your hand on the dashboard, "I just wanted to make sure you noticed too."

Yoongi: “"I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? He looks up grinning like a devil”.

"Need help with that?" said Yoongi mockingly, pointing at your fumbling hands trying to fix the shorts you were wearing that night. It was hard to do in such a confined space.

"No thanks, I've got it under control" you grunted, pulling your feet up onto the trunk so you could give yourself a boost and pull your clothes up until they were around your waist. "And I'm sure you're much better at taking them off than putting them on." 

You tried to ignore his annoyed chuckle, looking at yourself in the rearview mirror and fixing your hair just enough so it didn't look like you'd just had the best night of sex of your life. 

"Do you need me to drop you off in your room?" Yoongi rested his palm on your thigh, caressing the soft skin with his fingertips. You had a hard time holding back the urge to laugh at the tickle he was giving you.

 "I'd love to let you come into my room and do whatever shit couples of friends with benefits would do, but unfortunately I have a tick named Jiah tonight, and I definitely don't want her to see or hear me having sex with you, so, thanks, but no" you removed his hand from your thigh and moved closer to him, kissing him deeply.

His hand stopped at your waist and caressed the exposed skin, sending shivers up and down your spine. It felt so good to be touched by Min Yoongi. You would never admit it in front of him.

"Go back carefully" you said between kisses and giggles. You wanted to go inside soon, before your lustful side won out over your rational side and you decided to leave your friend alone and sneak into Yoongi's house. You hated how he knew you well enough to know that if he kept kissing you like that you would end up giving in. 

"There, that's enough, I have to go" you whispered, grabbing Yoongi's cheeks and pulling him away just enough so that your lips didn't brush against each other. 

"Fine" he growled through his teeth, letting go of your waist and allowing you to open the door.

You gave him a kiss on the cheek before quickly stepping down and entering your colorful two-story house. You smiled as you noticed that Yoongi wasn't going to leave until you were inside the house. It took you a while trying to find your keys, decorated with too many cat key chains and desserts. When you opened the door, you turned around and blew him a kiss with laughter. You could see through the window as Yoongi's rubbery smile. God, you still didn't understand how that gorgeous man had agreed to go out with you.

You walked into the house, leaning your back against the door and sighing heavily. You were sure you had a stupid smile on your face, you hoped he hadn't seen it before you walked in.

"I see you did a lot better than me," you looked towards the kitchen, smiling as you saw Jiah walking towards you with a cup of coffee. You loved that mug, it had lots of baby kittens frolicking on top of some flower pots; between cursive letters it said 'for the best friend in the world'.

"You think?" you grabbed the mug she was offering you and took a small sip. It tasted very sweet, just the way you liked it. You couldn't help but groan in satisfaction. "Why don't you tell me about it after I take a shower? I feel too dirty, did you know riding a horse could leave you sweating so much?". You mentally crossed your fingers that I wouldn't dig into that any further.

"Don't worry, go" Jiah sent you a soft smile. Too bad it didn't reach her eyes. You wanted to kill whoever it was that had left her so down. "I'm tired anyway."

Before you could answer her, she went to the kitchen and turned on the water, starting to wash the dishes. You preferred to leave her alone, she seemed to want some time alone.

You went upstairs to your room, rummaging through your pillows for your pajamas. As you were trying to get a towel out of the bathroom cabinet, the notification sound of your cell phone alerted you, causing three towels to fall on you. You walked awkwardly to your phone, unlocking the screen and pursing your lips to keep from smiling like a maniac. 

You ran to your window, opening it as quietly as you could. You covered your mouth so the laughter that wanted to escape wouldn't come out and give you away. Your laughter is very loud.

Yoongi raised his hand and pointed his finger at his own phone. You frowned, cocking your head to the side and trying to figure out what he meant. Just as you opened your mouth to speak, your phone rang again. You saw the screen, still with Yoongi's chat on it.

The message was short and to the point ‘Tomorrow at 3 PM, reservation at Piccolino, don't be late’.

You almost dropped your cell phone as you read the message. Tomorrow was your birthday, and that restaurant was your favorite place. You didn't even remember mentioning any of those things to him.

You turned to look at him, your mouth was wide open, you had no idea what to say or do, so you opted for the first thing that popped into your head. You raised your arms above your head, forming a circle. 

You felt your cheeks blush at the sight of Yoongi's smug smile.

You lowered your arms, watching as he looked down at his phone and moved his fingers rapidly over the keypad. Seconds later, your phone rang again.

‘Rest.’

You stared at the screen, specifically the three little dots that indicated he was still typing. 

You stifled a squeak as you read the last message. You turned to look at him, catching his slightly pink cheeks and his awkward movement as he put the phone back in his pocket. He gave you one last smile, this one a little more shy, and shook his head goodbye.

It took you a while to react, but by the time you did, Yoongi was no longer in your backyard. 

You grabbed your phone and logged into Yoongi's chat, rereading his last message.

With a beaming smile, you began typing your reply.

‘I love you too.’

And you sent it.

Hoseok: “I'm drunk in the back of the car/And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar”.

You took a big breath of air, dropping your head against the back of the cab chair you had just taken. Your stomach seemed to be on fire and every breath you took made you feel immensely nauseous. You knew it was a bad idea to drink a vulgar amount of alcohol and, worse, to mix drinks, but what else could you do? You didn't feel able to talk about this with anyone. Your friends were in a rather similar situation, how could you ask them for advice? And you'd better not even think about telling your mother, she'd kill you if she found out that you had a purely sexual relationship with Hoseok. Now that you thought about it, it didn't seem like such a bad idea.

A soft vibration in your bag caught your attention. You opened your bag slowly, not because you didn't want to check your cell phone, but because you couldn't move properly due to the ridiculous amount of alcohol in your system. 

After several embarrassing attempts you managed to take out your cell phone, and the first thing that greeted you was a huge line of messages from Hoseok, most of them asking where you were, if you were well, asking if you had a problem or something like that. You pursed your lips, licking them with the tip of your tongue. 

You hated Hoseok. You hated that he was so sweet, that he was always worried about you, that he knew how you like to eat your meals, that he always lay on the left side of the bed because he knows you love to sleep on the right side, that he's always ready to run to you if you feel bad. You hated that he was so damn perfect, because that certainly didn't help the turmoil it generated in your feelings for him.

Before you knew it, a drop of salty water fell onto the lit screen of your cell phone, rolling slowly along all the messages that were reflected. You closed your eyes tightly and leaned your forehead against the edge of the pink glitter case you were holding, letting out all the tears you had been holding back since the beginning of the night.

You hated that you had noticed that you had feelings for him, and you hated yourself even more for not being able to face him and tell him how you felt, for having to resort to something as low as getting drunk to the point of no longer being able to take courage and tell him the truth. 

Take On Me by A-ha forced you to break away from your cell phone and look at the screen. By this point you didn't even feel surprised that he was the one calling you. He always did, to say goodnight, to wish you a good day, to remind you to eat all your meals, god, you weren't even sure if that was normal in a solely sexual relationship.

With your hands shaking slightly you hit the answer, bringing the phone to your ear, "Yes?" you practically whispered, burying your nails in the skin of your hands.

"Y/N?" you heard a long sigh from the other line, followed by a nervous sounding laugh, "I was so worried, I thought something had happened to you, you never leave messages on hold."

"I'm sorry" you wiped away your tears, ducking your head unconsciously. Hearing his voice calms you down a bit at first, but almost instantly you were upset again at the fact that he was calming you down. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"Don't apologize, I guess I overreacted a bit" he laughed softly again, and you were sure he was most likely scratching the back of his head. "Hey...I was thinking about, you know, this weekend."

You bit your bottom lip, closing your eyes until you saw white spots. You didn't want to talk about this.

"I know we were supposed to get together at my place, but I'm afraid I won't be able to make it, apparently my plumbing has a problem and I think it'll take them a while to fix it, but we could get together at your place!"

"No" you whispered, pressing your free arm against your stomach, the one that had decided to give you a painful pang just at this moment. "I don't want us to see each other again."

You were both silent for a few seconds, waiting to see the other's response. You honestly expected him to stop you, you waited for him to tell you not to leave, to insist on seeing you again. You wanted, no, you needed to hear those three words come out of his mouth, even if it was over the phone.

But Hoseok wasn't like that. He might be the sweetest guy in the world, but he would never say that thing you wanted to hear so badly. He would never fight for you or whatever it was you had. He wasn't brave.

"It's okay," he muttered. You listened as he took a long breath, only to then let it go in an equally long sigh, "Take care of yourself."

"I will."

And you cut.

You lifted your head, wiped away your tears and looked out the window, gazing out at the beautiful beach you thought you'd be on your entire vacation.

Namjoon: “It's new, the shape of your body/It's blue, the feeling I've got”.

"Why do you always leave so quickly?" you muttered, settling down on Namjoon's bed and directing your gaze to his nearly naked body.

"What do you mean?" he pulled his shirt over his head, ruffling his hair with his hand and picking up what appeared to be a rather worn notebook and a pencil with bites on the end.

"Whenever we're done you leave" you took his pillow between your arms, resting your chin on it, "Are you afraid of me or something?". 

Namjoon chuckled softly, looking up at you from his post next to the desk, "Why would you scare me away?"

"I don't know, maybe it's because I'm so serious" you kept your gaze fixed on him, his expressions, his body language, absolutely everything. You wanted to understand why he seemed to be so cold and warm with you at the same time, "or maybe you are intimidated by people who look you so much in the eyes, there are many reasons, I could give you quite a long list if you wanted".

"It'll be useless, you'll never find a reason why I'd freak out on you" he broke away from his desk, moving closer to the bed and sitting down next to you. You couldn't help but close your eyes as you felt his hand fall on your head.

"Why?" you whispered, taking his wrist and stroking it gently.

"Because the last thing I feel for you is fear," he said as he tangled his fingers in your hair. Rarely did you have it as messy as you did now, rarely did you look as calm as you did now. Namjoon had to endure the constant tingling he felt in his fingers.

"Then why did you seem to be running away from me? It makes me feel... strange" you sighed heavily, shifting your position. The ceiling seemed much more interesting right now.

"I'm sorry it looked like that" Namjoon bent down slightly, leaving a soft but lingering kiss on your forehead, "but I promise it's not what it looks like."

"Then what is it?"

"Do you think you could give me about... three days to answer you? Just three." 

You turned to look at Namjoon, frowning slightly. You didn't quite understand why he needed so much time, but you also didn't feel like you could deny him that when he saw you with that beautiful, mesmerizing look he had.

"Okay" you nodded slowly, feeling a tightness in your chest as you watched him get up and head back towards the exit of the room.

"I promise I won't let you down, babe," he said with a big smile before leaving. 

And, again, you were beginning to feel a deep emptiness in your chest and a sense of loneliness that gave you a sort of claustrophobic feeling. 

Just three more days, you told yourself, just that.

Masterlist

[heyimdove]

Things of Note at @neil-gaiman ‘s NJPAC talk:

1. Do you people understand that he switches into accents when he reads? Do you people know he does a perfect Michael Sheen impression? did you know it’s also hot

2. He used to cold call publishers/mags to see if they’d publish his work. He’d lie when asked what other magazines he wrote for; they’d think he was more legitimate and would, therefore, be more likely to take him on themselves. “You couldn’t get away with that now” thanks to Google. Also, back then, “we had telephones and we used them,” but today’s publishers would not easily recover if you unexpectedly called them on the phone.

3. It was a personal point of pride for Neil to write for each of the magazines he’d claimed to have written for. He said “I didn’t lie. I was chronologically challenged.”

4. Neil made a deliberate effort to not be boxed in by publishers. He’d interviewed many authors who were unhappily boxed and did everything he could to avoid it, including declining big contracts from prestigious publishers (notably after American Gods). This is why he can write what he likes now. Comics writing spoiled him in this regard, as publishers mistook the medium for a genre, and therefore didn’t care what he wrote (so he wrote all the genres he wanted to in Sandman).

5. He hates Thomas Hardy thanks to being introduced to him in school. Regarding being forced to read Tess of the D’urbervilles, he said “I wouldn’t do that to a dog”. He hopes students, who might have liked him if they found him on their own, don’t encounter his work in school and hate him for it.

6. “The evil characters (you write) don’t possess you, you try to find the little bit of you in them….the little bit of you that is gloriously evil.”

7. “I touched the magic and passed it along” this was a line from Watching from the Shadows that especially moved me.

8. Terry was increasingly upset as the bidding on Good Omens increased (eventually reaching 150,000 - can’t remember if he said $ or £). For his part, when the book finally sold, Neil put on Iggy Pop’s Success and danced.

9. Anansi Boys should be out on Prime by the end of 2024!

10. Described Sandalphon as someone you want to “hit with a large oar”. (The woman next to me, who was extremely stingy with her applause, hooted like an owl at this and clapped til the last).

11. Pronounces Amazon as “Ama-zin” and Los Angeles as “Los Angelese”. This isn’t noteworthy, but I liked it enough to write it down.

12. “Being on a beach in bare feet” was the line that led Neil to realize David Tennant would be perfect for Crowley.

13. He is pictured on the ALA’s poster holding Wind in the Willows because, as a child, “it messed up my head.” He said he is “in love” with a chapter in the middle called The Piper at the Gates of Dawn where the characters meet Pan. It’s often left out of printings, which makes him sad because it is “strange, beautiful, luminous”.

14. TOATEOTL was originally planned to go to Broadway. Then, Covid. They did a “world tour” instead. Now that it’s wrapped, talks about Broadway are happening. He says all of adaptations of his work, this is his favorite.

15. “Disney’s Aladdin plays four times a day in Hell”

16. His favorite question of the night was “WHY did you think of the Other Mother?” He was tickled by the word choice of “why”

17. Asked the library in Sussex “What have you got in the way of really good horror for four year olds?” Obviously none existed so he wrote Coraline.

18. Talked about going viral for being in a falafel, seemed to marvel at the progression of the meme’s meaning.

19. “Tumblr is its own madness”

20. “Stephen King has fabulous stories about meeting fans in toilets, including being passed a book under the stall”

21. Read “The Day the Saucers Came” which I misheard initially as Sauces. Saucers is definitely better.

22. “You want to see me doing Dickens?” I laughed inappropriately at this. I was the only one.

23. I don’t want to say what pieces he read because I want you to buy tickets to his events. But it was very nice to be read to by Neil Gaiman.

It’s very worth it to go. I flew out from San Diego for this and would do it again in a heartbeat!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my mum she’s overreacting?

🦶🏻 🪴 🤢

today while we were eating dinner my (16) brother (20) injured his toe by getting it stuck in the chair and it bled. this caused him to have a panic attack, which i assume is because of the blood. i thought he was being dramatic at first but i heard him hyperventilating on the stairs and then my mum told me that he had vomited on the stairs. this made me really freaked out and it made me feel nauseous as well, i know my mum can’t handle sick either so she was very freaked out. she then told my brother that he had to clean it up himself. it’s fair that he’d have to clean his own vomit up but he asked if he could have 5 minutes to calm down before cleaning it because he had just had a panic attack and was really distressed from everything that happened. and that seemed pretty fair as well.

when he started to try and clean up his mess, he wasn’t doing a great job at it. obviously because he was still mentally very, like.. idk frazzled??? and the smell and look of his vomit can’t have made it any easier. my mum then started to get really angry with him for not doing it properly and things like getting a bit of sick on the toilet seat or using the wrong cleaning supplies and stuff. besides everything going on he also doesn’t have much experience with cleaning stuff let alone vomit. so yeah he wasn’t doing great and i felt bad for him. my mum kept getting agitated with him and he started to get angry as a result. he’s autistic so that contributed because when people shout at him he gets really really aggravated and can lash out a lot. at one point when my mum was shouting at him he told her to piss off, then she slapped him on the leg. i remember being in the other room i shouted ‘mum what the fuck is your problem?’ and was basically saying she went too far. her son had just had a panic attack and was struggling to clean up after himself and she just kept yelling at him. she told me she was sick of me defending people who she thought had done something wrong.

it’s partially triggered by earlier that day when my younger brother (15) accidentally knocked over her plant pot. i told her she may have been too angry at him because he didn’t do it on purpose. i didn’t blame her for being mad at his response, cus he was being bitchy all like ‘it’s your fault for putting it in that position’ so he was wrong for that. but my mum was calling him stupid for not using his common sense to not knock the plant over. i basically said ‘mum it’s already happened now it was an accident it’s fair to be mad at him for being rude but i think you’re getting too riled up’ and she was angry with me then as well.

a lot of the time when there are arguments i try to be a kind of middle man and get both people to understand each other, but if i show any kind of criticism towards my mums reaction she just gets so enraged to an extent i find totally irrational. she’s like ‘you don’t get to tell me how to react to situations!’ even though i criticised her for literally slapping my brother after he’s just had a really sucky experience just because she was frustrated.

whenever me or my older brother particularly criticise her parenting or how she reacts super angrily she just gets super upset, and she keeps having outbursts all the time. the reason it annoys me is because i never do anything that bad besides basically say ‘jesus why are you so mad’ when my little brother is the one laughing and making fun of the whole situation.

anyway AITA for telling her she’s overreacting and making things worse?

What are these acronyms?

[madhatterbri]

It All Fell Down | D.P. Part 2

Summary: The fallout costs Damian and Y/N their relationship.

Author's Note: Saw him last night after Smackdown in the last dark match. He went against Jey Uso. 😮‍💨 so fine.

It All Fell Down Part 1 | Damian Priest List | Main List

"Are you ready for our match tomorrow?" Rhea asked happily. She sat next to you at the hotel bar. The two of you decided to go late that night to avoid people calling her Mami that night.

You sat on the stool fixated on the bartender as he counted money from the register. Your mind so far in space, it was like you were visiting ET in his home land. All you could think about was Damian and the look on his face when you broke up with him. A nudge to your arm brought you back down to Earth.

"You okay? Is it a full moon? I swear between Damian ignoring my texts about us being here and you being a bloody space cadet tonight, it's like I'm stuck in the twilight zone," Rhea complained and took another drink.

"Damian isn't going to come," you whispered. Guilt ate at you, and you bit your lip.

"Why? Is he feeling sick?" Rhea pressed.

You were unsure if you should tell her and leave it up to Damian, but she was your friend too. "We broke up,"

"What? When?" She asked and scrolled through her messages. Rhea wondered if she missed anything in her chats with Damian. Tonight was the only night that something was off.

"About three hours ago," you answered. You frowned and started to cry. The pain was worse than you could have ever thought possible with dating someone for a few weeks. He was with you for everything. It felt like a dream, but now you were living a nightmare.

"What happened?" She asked and rubbed your back. You cleared your throat and told your side of the story.

💜🖤

You first thought about breaking up with Damian the night Finn found out. Continuing the relationship felt like a dig at Finn. The way he looked at the two of you lived in your mind rent-free. Every time you closed your eyes, you can see his hurt face. Damian convinced you that things would get better and decided not to split.

The relationship was going strong until you finally cornered Finn to talk to you. It was in an elevator, and it was a happy chance. He tried to ignore you, but you cornered him. Finally, he let you have all of it.

He didn't appreciate your broken promise to him or Damian for almost letting Finn ask you for another chance. The betrayal of you two sneaking around instead of telling him was brought up. Now, he was upset because you messed with his career. That conversation made you feel worse. You knew what you had to do.

"Break up? Take it easy. Finn will eventually come around to us," the archer of infamy shrugged. His arms crossed over his chest as you sat at the foot of the bed. Your hands rubbed together nervously.

"No, he won't," your voice cracked. "This was all a mistake. I cost us our friendship to Finn,"

"Our relationship is many things, but it is not a mistake," he defended. "Why are you so willing to throw us away for a man having a temper tantrum?"

"I'm not throwing us away, Dam. We are just going back to being friends," you tried to explain. You knew it would be hard to break up with him, but you never expected such a fight. He told you he didn't know if he could just be friends with you.

The argument didn't get much better from there. There was no yelling, but there was a lot of hurt. Finally, he threw his hands in the air and took a few steps back. There was no changing your mind about all of this.

Before he left your hotel room, he turned to look at you. "I love you, Y/N. I just wish that would have been enough for us,"

💜🖤

The air in the bar was thick. Rhea bit her lip and contemplated on what to say next. All this drama had gone on long enough. For the most part, everyone kept it professional, and it was contained between you and Judgment Day.

"It's late. Why don't you get some sleep? I want you to be good for tomorrow. Here, I will help walk you to your room," Rhea offered. You gladly took her up on her offer. She helped get you settled back in and left.

She stood outside your door and grabbed her phone. Finn's name lit up her phone screen. She hit the message button.

"You and I need to talk," the message simply stated. She hit send and waited for his response.

[amoraffairs]

james potter + picking you up from a party you’re hating. he’d be very worried i feel, after you call him, a little too drunk and a lot upset.

summary: you call james upset from a party & james takes care of you

notes: this is so late, but finally finished this little blurb & now i want a james right now!!

“Jamie, can you come get me. It too loud in here & there’s too many people. Anna doesn’t want to leave, but-but you can come get me right?”

That was last thing James heard from you before the call ended. He pulls in to the house the party was at. He left the moment he heard your voice on the call. It was obvious to him you were crying. James always knew when your sad. Sometimes he knew before you did.

James understands what you meant when you said there were too many people. People bumping into him as he walked.Desperate to find you, he pushes through the crowd. Ignoring the people who were giving him a drink.

When he finally found you, he let out a sigh of relief. There you were sitting in the kitchen counter as some guy made an attempt to talk to you. If you could scoot closer to the wall, you would. James refrained from getting angry as the guy continued to talk to you. He didn’t seem harmful, just clueless. James could tell the minute you see him. Your eyes light up and a smile rests on your lips.

“Jamie” You launch yourself off the counter. Your arms wrapping around his neck. You feet unable to touch the ground given how tall James. James gives you a hand, wrapping his arms around your waist locking you in this position.

The moment you felt secure you were giving James kisses. On his check, nose, mouth,neck & every inch of his face. Each kiss with a dramatic ‘mwah’.

“Sweetheart” James attempts to pull away from you in an attempt to get a look at you. After a couple more sweethearts he succeeds.You face barley a couple of inches from his. James searches your face for any injuries or tears as you play with the curls of his hair.

“You ready to go home, Sweetheart” His voice sounded soft & warm, sending you instant comfort.

You don’t answer him, too busy playing with the curls of his hair. You hands tangled in his hair, as you laugh.

James takes your smile as a yes. He places both of your feet on the floor. His arm wraps around your shoulders, squishing you into his side. He pushes through the group of people till you reach his car.

James places your seatbelt on, while you continue to try in kiss him. “Hold on, Sweetheart. Need to drive us home.” Your happy mood drops instantly.

“What’s with the face” James asks as you mumble incoherently.

“I want to stay with you.” You pout resembling a small toddler. It took everything in James to not laugh. “Y/N” His voice telling you that you should know what his about to say.

“We live together.” You gasp as if it’s the first time you’re hearing this. “We do?” You ask again, just to make sure you heard him right.

James let out a boyish laugh, his whole body shaking as he laughed fondly at you. You’re still staring at him, waiting for your confirmation. He happily gives it to you, nodding.

“Remember, your place is getting exterminated.” Your mouth opens resembling an O, as James’s words make sense.

“Sweetheart, when you called me, you sounded sad?” His words more of a question rather than a statement.

“Because I spilt my drink on someone & they got mad so I was looking for you & you weren’t there.I couldn’t find you.” James softens at your words. Glad you we’re looking for him.

“I’m here now Sweetheart.” His hand tracing patterns on your inner thigh. You focus on the shapes he’s making. A star, your name and a bunch of things you can’t make out as he has to stop every few seconds to put both hands on the wheel.

James directs your giggly mess of self towards the apartment. Your arms were locked around your waist, squeezing him & never letting him go. James wasn’t complaining though, any moment he could have with you, he’d take it.

Thirty minutes you were freshly showered & safely secured in bed. With James' arms around you. There were no words to describe how content James makes you feel.

You turn around in bed so you were facing him. “I love you” you slurr and place a gentle kiss on his lips. James hums in defeat when you let go. Before he could repeat the three words back you were asleep. He chuckles softly.

You made him completely crazy, & he loved every second of it.

[indiaalphawhiskey]

what are your thoughts about Harry's new tattoo?

Hi darling.

I am not going to lie: I’ve been upset about it for three days now, swinging back and forth between being super angry and trying to be okay with it. I thought about not answering this, because I don’t want to open this Pandora’s box, but I decided to in the hopes that I can help someone else. I won’t be answering follow up questions/reactions, though. That’s my boundary.

Now, I think the important thing is to call this out for what it is and stop making excuses: it’s an Olivia tattoo, and whether it’s for a stunt, a cat, a house, the One Direction song, an unknown godchild, it doesn’t matter. He has it, he showed it off (rather purposefully), he knew what we would think and the kind of debate/restlessness it would spark.

Can I forgive him for that, point blank, without further reasoning or rationalizing? I’ve decided I can.

Why? Because I don’t think it negates all he’s given me these past thirteen years and especially this last leg of tour, and because I don’t think what he does for PR and/or to protect his closet is a statement about who he is as a human being. No one has to agree with me. It’s a decision I’ve made for myself and I’m happy with it. If this is your red line (and I fully encourage you to ask yourself this regularly) then that’s fine. Grieve the person you thought he was and take steps to distance yourself from what hurts you. I don’t mean to minimize this: walking away is hard as shit. But he will be okay, I promise. The person who needs to be okay the most is you.

Do I think they really dated/that he was in love with her? No.

Why? Because he looked miserable every time he was around her, because he took very clear steps to ensure she wasn’t tied to his music (which I’ve noticed he holds pretty sacred above all), and because at the end of the day he still broke up with her two days after his very public last contractual obligation was filled and kissed her friend extremely publicly.

Can you find ways to argue around that? Of course you can. You can find ways to argue around anything. But for me, that’s not how you treat someone you’re in love with even if they’ve pissed you off beyond belief and messed with your career. Nothing Harry has done outside of this stunt shows me he would treat people he cares about that way, even in his worst moments. It’s incongruous to everything I’ve seen and known of him and his character in the last thirteen years. I may not know him personally, and I may be wrong about him, but again, that’s my conclusion and I’m happy with it.

Do I think the tattoo means something’s in the works to rekindle the stunt? I truly don’t know.

But if it is, then it’s been planned for a long, long, long time (he had the tattoo during Daylight filming, which is May 2022; the BUA was Nov 2022), and there’s nothing I can do about it. It is what it is.

I’ve always preached being okay with not knowing, being okay with being uncomfortable, and this is certainly making me walk the talk.

The bottom line is: Am I okay with the things I have answers to? Yes.

Am I okay with the thing I don’t have answers to? I am working on it.

But that’s my responsibility, not Harry’s.

— FIN —

*thank you, Gina, for your contributions to clearing my head and for many of the phrases I used here to express myself.

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I'm There: Chapter Twenty-Three

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie met in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

this is a complete work of fiction, some characters while based on real people are totally made up. :)

Taglist: @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @laurpartyprogram @concretenoah @thebadchic @jessitpwk@madomens @samanthasgone @myownthoughts12@missduffsblog @jilliemiw86 @malerieee @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @badomensls @robabankfuckmickeymouse

“Things are pretty normal given the situation. Noah has called a lot since he left and talks with Erin for almost an hour on the phone each time. We talked for a little bit but honestly, my feelings for Noah are getting so cluttered it’s hard to talk to him for too long” 

“When you say cluttered what do you mean exactly” 

“It’s just hard talking on the phone, you know, with everything. We saw each other for the first time in ten years and then I shook his whole world telling him he’s a father and I just wish I knew what he was thinking. We didn’t have enough time to talk about it all. He met Erin and it was great but I just…I feel like a failure of a mother for depriving her of him for so long and I don’t know how to express to him that I’m sorry. And honestly, I’ve never let myself get fully over him, I just feel like there’s always been a piece of me that has loved him, maybe just from what I see in Erin.” 

Dr. Grady is quiet for a few moments while she thinks and takes in my words. 

“I cannot speak for Noah, but I believe forgiving yourself for the past is important and a necessary step in your healing. You’ve already mentioned that there’s nothing you can do to change what has happened and it seems like you’re focused on helping Erin navigate this situation. As for your feelings about Noah, there is nothing I can tell you, that is a completely personal journey that you will have to take.” I sink lower into the sofa in Dr. Grady’s office and try to unjumble my thoughts, but those surrounding Noah will take time to fully unpack. 

“And on top of all of it, my brother just got to town last night and I swear if you had told me ten years ago I would say I was jealous of Kyle's emotional maturity I would have pissed myself laughing.” As I tell Dr. Grady more, I recall my conversation with Kyle last night after Erin went down for bed. 

“So, she met Noah huh? And she seems pretty happy about the whole situation so I’m guessing it went well?” Kyle asked cautiously. “Yeah, it went better than I expected. He was great with her, asked her questions about what she likes, talked to her about music and his life. He’s called her every other day since he left and they talk for hours.” I tell him as I pour the two of us a cup of hot tea. 

“How do you feel about all of this?” He asks while blowing the steam off the cooling cup of tea in his hands. 

“When I myself understand my feelings I’ll let you know.” I let out a pathetic laugh, “I’m happy for Erin, she’s happy and that’s what’s important. I’m trying not to think too much about all of the "what ifs you know? I told myself that I wasn’t going to let my feelings mess this up for her. She deserves a relationship with her father” I tell him honestly and then because I’m unable to stop it the word vomit spews out of me. “But I can’t help thinking what if I had told him ten years ago, would we have gotten back together? Would I have ever known truly if it was for me or just because I got pregnant, I mean how would you feel missing Natasha’s birth, her first steps and her first words?”

He takes a sip of tea and sits up straighter in the kitchen chair. “I think I would be upset at first, which you said he was but Nat, you’ll drive yourself crazy if you keep thinking about all of these hypothetical scenarios.”

“But like would you be able to forgive Maggie? Would you still haven’t wanted to marry her?” 

A look of complete understanding washes across his face, “Nat, why do you insist you deserve to be hated for this? Why can’t you accept that he’s forgiven you and move forward? You forgave him for leaving all of those years ago. You’ve forgiven me for all the terrible things I’ve done, forgiven Dad too. You forgave Mom before she died. You believe everyone is worthy of forgiveness but you, why?” 

“You believe everyone is worthy of forgiveness but you…that’s what he said. It sent me for a loop. It’s true. I’ll allow everyone to be flawed and make mistakes but when it comes to myself I wonder how I haven’t been dropped by every person in my life” I explain the conversation to Dr. Grady and wait for her response as I sit up and prepare for the end of our session.

“It’s common for people with anxiety to suffer from severe self-criticism. I’m going to send you a few readings I’d like you to look over before our next session and we can discuss it more since we are almost out of time.” She clears her throat and straightens up the papers in her hand. “It’s a very good question your brother asked. I think you should think about that one, why do you think everyone else is worthy of forgiveness but you? Because you are Natalie, you are worthy of forgiveness and you need to start by forgiving yourself.”

I quietly thank Dr. Grady for our session and leave once our time is finished. 

She’s right and so is Kyle. I constantly forgive everyone all the time but never allow myself the grace of forgiveness.

Erin is happy, Noah is happy and it’s about damn time I let myself be happy too. 

It’s around 4pm when I return home from therapy and my grocery store run. I got all of the essentials for a fun backyard fire pit dinner. We’re roasting hotdogs and then s’mores for desserts later. 

When I get into the house I hear laughter and music filtering in through the kitchen, I walk through and notice the sound is coming from the backyard where Maggie and Kyle have set up the waterslide for the girls. 

“Uncle Ky! Go go!!!” I hear Erin bellow as I see my brother fling himself down and slide all the way to the end of the slide. 

“Oh hey, Natty!” Kyle calls, standing and shaking the water out of his hair. “How was your appointment?” He asks softly. 

“It was good! Yeah, I feel good, thank you for talking to me about it last night, it was really helpful Ky.” 

“Of course sis! What are twins for?” he says and then wraps his arms around me wiping water all over my dry clothes. “Kyle! Ugh!” I call out and push him off of me while he lets out a full bellied laugh. 

A few hours later we are sitting, dry,  around the warm fire. Kyle and Maggie are staying at a hotel but when Natasha started to get sleepy we put her in Erin’s bed until they left for the night. 

I’m helping Erin roast a marshmallow when Maggie comes into my view, handing me a glass of wine. “I think it’s time for that girl-talk I was promised” she giggles and turns to Haylie who’s sitting and roasting her own s’more, “and I mean you as well girl, I wanna hear about this new book. You gotta tell me if they’ll end up together in the end please” 

Haylie laughs and zips her lips, “hey I’m spoiler-free over here.” 

Handing Erin her assembled s’more she thanks me and takes a huge bite causing marshmallows to overflow out the side and drip down her chin. I laugh and wipe it before it hits the floor. 

Kyle stands to leave us to girl-talk and gestures towards Erin, “Come on sweety, let’s go watch a movie while your mom has her lady talk, it’ll be boring” 

Erin giggles into her s’more “They just want to talk about Noah and how mom used to like him and now they’re both weird” she states while tossing a strand of hair over her shoulder and I can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of me, “yeah, sorry for being weird kiddo. I’m working on it.”

“Aren’t you observant?” Kyle says to Erin steering her towards the back door. 

The three of us giggle at the way Erin was able to perfectly sum up the situation, “She sees everything I swear and she’s too smart.” I comment under my breath as I take a small sip of the wine Maggie brought me.

“What’s going on in that head of yours Natty,” Maggie asks and her face is nothing but compassionate. “Too much Mags, too much.” I take another long sip of wine and look into the slowly dimming fire. “I am so unbelievably happy to see Erin happy..”

“I’m sensing a but coming,” Haylie chirps from her chair on the other side of me. 

“But.” I say, giving her a pointed look, “but I am just still navigating my own feelings about all of this, so I’m just a little scatterbrained.” I admit.

“Do you think it’s possible Noah could still have feelings for you?” Maggie asks and I shoot up in my chair, surprised by her question. 

“Oh god no, I was just talking to my therapist about how shocked I am that he can even stand being around me,” I say and Haylie busts out laughing. 

“Oh my god, are you blind? Dude the way he was looking at you not only the literal day you told him about her but the day he came over and was here for like eight hours, for Erin of course but Natty, there is no doubt he was also here for you.” Haylie says with a matter-of-fact tone and my eyes roll back so far I think they might never come back. “Oh please, there is no way Noah has feelings for me, It’s been ten years and at this point, we are just trying to navigate this co-parenting thing.” 

That gets a laugh out of not only Haylie but Maggie as well, “you’re either blind, stupid or both if you don’t think that guy is and always has been in love with you, knowing he now shares a child with you is only going to cause him to further attempt to submit himself as the only man in your life,” Maggie says but I shake my head in disagreement, I just don’t think that is in the cards for Noah and me anymore no matter how easily I lose myself in his eyes, or how I secretly listen to his music and have always known he was the most talented person in the world. 

“Whatever our feelings for each other may be, Noah and I have agreed that the most important thing is Erin’s happiness. I’m not going to risk that so I just need everyone to respect that.” I say with more firmness in my voice than intended. Maggie looks at me with a quiet understanding, “I will support you either way. I’m always on your side.” she says. Haylie nods in agreement “Me too.” 

We spend another hour outside finishing our wine before heading back inside to see Kyle and his family off for the night. Erin heads up for bed soon after and I do a final sweep of the kitchen before heading up to bed myself.

As I’m laying my head down my phone rings lightly and I hesitate slightly before answering. 

Hey Noah, is everything okay? Sorry but Erin is already asleep if you wanted to talk. 

Hey, yeah everything is okay. I figured she’d be asleep, I was hoping to talk to you actually. If thats okay?

Oh, um yeah, we can talk. Whats up?

Are we okay Natty? 

I freeze. What does that even mean? Are we okay?

Um. yeah? Why wouldn’t we be okay? 

I just feel like…I don’t know how to say this. I’ve been trying Natty but when I talk to you on the phone it’s like you can’t get off fast enough.

What do you mean? I just figured you wanted to talk to Erin so you could get to know her more. 

I mean, of course want to talk to Erin, but Natty I want to talk to you as well.

It’s been ten years and I meant what I said about wanting to be in your lives. 

You want to talk to me? About what? 

He laughs and the warmth of it climbs into my heart and makes a nest. 

I want to know about your life, I want to meet the Natalie that you’ve become and I want to try and make up for all this time I’ve lost.

Oh. I’m - well I’m sorry if I was short with you on the phone. Honestly, all of this has been a big change for us all.

I haven’t been good about dealing with this, obviously. 

Yes, It was a big change but I want you to know that I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this alone anymore. I truly do intend to be there. For both of you.

That’s co-parenting right? We’re in this together now. 

Yeah. Together. I like the sound of that. 

I can’t help the blush that spreads across my cheeks and down my neck, I know he meant together as parents but for a moment I allow myself to believe we could be the happy family I’ve always dreamed of. 

I know it’s late so I can let you go if you’re getting ready for bed-

No, no, I can talk. Unless you’re tired.

No, we just got off the stage and I’m to amped up to sleep yet.

So Natty, tell me about your life. 

We talk on the phone for hours. About the last ten years, I told him about life with Erin and we reminisced about life when we were young. I don’t remember hanging up, but I guess I fell asleep sometime while we were talking because when I woke up there was an unread text on my phone.

Noah S : goodnight :) I have missed talking to you these last ten years Natty. It is good to be back in your world. 4:13 am

I walk down the stairs with a spring in my step and I feel lighter than I have since this all began. I know we will all be okay and I can finally say that Noah and I are friends again after all of this time.

The rest of the week with my brother and Maggie is so much fun. We spend time at the park, go to museums and even a minor league baseball game. When they leave at the end of the week I give Kyle a big hug. "Thanks for everything Ky, I love you bro."

"I love you too sis, you're an amazing person. don't ever forget that."

Noah and I start texting more frequently in-between our phone calls and I find myself smiling and laughing more at my phone than I have in years.

In a week Noah will be back and Erin is so excited.

I won't lie, I'm pretty excited as well.

next chapter