#hope everyone has had a nice new year and january :)

[werewolf-artfriend]

TINTIN AND FIN FIN !!!

[tonicandjins]

all of the girls you loved before

CHARACTERS: lee donghyuck | haechan x fem reader

WORD COUNT: 3k

GENRE: best friends to lovers, all of the girls you loved before by taylor swift

WARNINGS: none, just fluff

AUTHOR'S NOTE: this has been in my drafts for way too long. hope you like it! please consider donating/tipping me

all of the girls you loved before is the fourth installment from 23 moments with donghyuck

lee naeun, June 2013 - July 2013

Lee Donghyuck’s first love turned out to be the quickest one.

It was a whirlwind romance, like how he would describe it whenever you’d ask him. At thirteen, you and Donghyuck were finally catching up to the rest of your homeroom’s growing pains—both literally and figuratively. Your legs were longer now, albeit Donghyuck’s becoming longer than almost everyone else’s, and you were prettier than most. Letting your bangs grow was a wise decision in the summer, after all. Long gone were your chubby cheeks and you’d learned how to put on some lip tint before jumping on the bus to school. The internet was a better teacher when it comes to styling your hair; you’d never expected hairstyles come with face shapes. Meanwhile, Donghyuck, though his cheeks are still as round as they were in primary school, has learned that the hugs and kisses he used to give everyone in homeroom erupted butterflies all over.

You’d wondered, of course, because among everyone in class, Donghyuck’s probably given you the most hugs and kisses, yet you haven’t quite figured out what they meant when they say he gives people butterflies.

In the same year, Donghyuck learned consent. His mother and father gave him a lecture on why kissing people randomly isn’t ideal at his age and why consent is important. Hence, he’d stopped giving everyone random kisses. The last one he’d kissed you on the cheek was a week before summer started—not that you were keeping a record of all the stolen kisses—right when you were about to jump off the bus you and him were on.

Lee Naeun gave the first consent at thirteen. On the last day of classes.

She was moving to the US the next school year. Donghyuck made you wait by the benches as she packed up her duffel back after soccer practice.

She was taller than everyone else. Sporty and ambitious, Lee Naeun was every boy’s kryptonite. Just like how Lee Donghyuck was every girl’s.

“Can I kiss you?” Donghyuck asked. Naeun blushed like crazy. She was taller than Donghyuck, so when she’d nodded, Donghyuck had to go on his tip toes to reach her lips.

You looked away when Donghyuck got his first real kiss, wondering if the sudden pain in your stomach is the same as the butterflies that people get when Donghyuck kisses them.

kim haerin, August 2016 - January 2018

Kim Haerin was Donghyuck’s girlfriend all throughout junior high school.

Contrary to popular belief, Haerin pursued Donghyuck from the first week of classes. You and Donghyuck had moved to a different school after middle school as the one in your hometown didn’t focus much on arts, leaning towards STEM more, which, if you and Donghyuck were being honest, is the last thing you’d want to do in high school. This also meant that you and Donghyuck were new in town—the new girl and the new guy—and that people your age were particularly curious about you and Donghyuck that school year.

Oddly enough, the first thing they needed to confirm was whether you and him were dating. As soon as it was a clear no, you and Donghyuck received flowers left and right. You wondered whether this is what high school should be like and expected Donghyuck to feel the same, but that school year was different. The people liked the extroverted, friends with everybody Donghyuck, so it was easier for him to adjust to the new place and the new people.

They’d started dating the week after school started. Haerin was a part of a big group, the ones who’d studied in the school’s sister middle school down the road, and she knew everyone. She was nice, or so you’ve heard because you didn’t have that many conversations with her to confirm if she truly is, and she’d say hi to you when you passed by her by the lockers.

Donghyuck tried to take you with him whenever they’d hang out, of course, but his attempts could only do much because you weren’t into the same things as they were. Eventually, you’d found your own group and adjusted to the new school all by yourself. It made you worry about Donghyuck less whenever you’d see him all happy and loud like the person he is. While Donghyuck’s name stuck with Haerin’s all throughout high school, yours remain independent. You’d decided you’d start dating when you’re ready.

The only times you’d see each other, apart from the classes you shared, were weekends with your families. You and him talk, of course. Donghyuck at home is different from Donghyuck at school. But it was different. The memories of you and him going to and from school gradually blurred between all the people you’d met in high school.

Kim Haerin broke up with Donghyuck as soon as you all came back from Christmas break on the last year of junior high. She’d started dating the new guy from the other class who transferred all the way from Germany. She’d given Donghyuck a kiss in the middle of the empty gymnasium and told him she’d loved him but the sparks were gone.

Donghyuck waited with you on the bus stop that same day. To this day, he waits with you.

im jieun, November 2019 – December 2019

Im Jieun was one of a kind, and if you could pick, she was your favorite from Donghyuck’s long list of lovers.

She was a couple of years older than you and Donghyuck. How Donghyuck even got the slimmest chance of dating her, you have no idea. She was a freshman in college. You and Donghyuck met her at one of your seniors’ birthday party; they’d hit it off easily. They had the same personality, almost like twins, and were pretty much the perfect couple in your newly found friend group.

That year was the most life changing for him because Donghyuck lost his virginity with her, and for quite some time, similar to when he’d dated Kim Haerin, he disappeared from your life, and not that you’d cared at much at that time because you were also dating your first boyfriend, Na Jaemin.

Jaemin was everything a first boyfriend should be. Gentle and sweet, determined and future-driven, truly the kind you’d want your parents to meet. He’s been in the same class as you since junior high, but he wasn’t the kind to approach women that easily. He was brought up loyal and kind, and it showed with the way he treated you. He asked you out on a dinner for the first date, at an amusement park for the second, and a picnic by the park for the third—which was the same day he officially asked you as his girlfriend.

When Donghyuck had learned, he was as surprised as a best friend would be.

“You never told me you liked Jaemin,” he commented when you’d told him the news. He was sitting on the swivel gaming chair you and him bought as pairs right beside your bed, where you were still half asleep because he barged in at seven on a Sunday morning. Apparently, he learned it because he saw Jaemin’s Instagram story from your date with him last night.

“Because I didn’t,” you groggily replied. You squinted, trying to make up your mind whether Donghyuck’s a dream or not. “I mean, I like him now. But it didn’t occur to me until he started asking me out for dates.”

Donghyuck leaned his head against your chair, kicking his feet off the floor to spin himself around. “You never even told me you went out on dates.”

You giggled. “Are you sulking now, Donghyuck?”

He sighed. “I tell you all about the girls I date. Even the ones I dream on dating. And this one time you finally decided to start dating, I wasn’t there for you.”

You sat up, watching as your child-like best friend spins himself dizzy on your chair. “Check your phone. Every time Jaemin and I went out, I texted you.”

He sighed again, pressing his foot on your bedroom’s floor, stopping so he could look at you eye to eye. “You didn’t tell me it was a date. You said you were having dinner with him, going to the amusement with him, and hanging out with him at the park.”

“We’re 19,” you pointed out. “What would 19-year olds do alone together?”

Donghyuck tilted his head sideways. “You and I are always alone together.”

“It’s different.” You throw a pillow at Donghyuck, kicking off the blanket from your body and moving to give him some space to lay on. “Come here, you big baby.”

Donghyuck’s mouth formed into a pout but occupied the space on your bed anyway.

“I’m a big girl,” you reminded him as he rested his head on your chest. “I don’t need you to be there for me on my first relationship.”

“Ouch,” he mumbled.

“I will always need you in my life, Donghyuck,” you clarified, knowing well how Donghyuck hates being not needed. “Just, not for this one. I might actually, truly like Jaemin. He’s a good guy.”

Donghyuck hummed. “But I’m still your best friend, right?”

You laughed. Because it’s the most ridiculous thing you’d ever heard. Donghyuck will always be your best friend. You were certain no relationship would break that. You and him were past being insecure about your friendship.

“Always.”

Donghyuck broke up with Jieun before Christmas break. The reason, you have no idea. But he’d told you it wasn’t as fun as it was in the beginning anymore. And Jieun was in university, after all, and you and him had SATs to pass and college essays to ace before the school year ends.

You and Jaemin took him out for clubbing that night, in hopes of cheering him up. It was a mystery to you why he’d suddenly decided to end it when the relationship seemed like it was smooth-sailing. They’d even talk about Donghyuck going to the same university as Jieun next year. You didn’t recall any fights within the relationship, so you wonder why.

Donghyuck leaves the club without you and Jaemin.

lee naeun (again), February 2020 – April 2020

Donghyuck learned from Lee Jeno that his first love returned from the US to take her bachelor’s degree in Seoul on Valentine’s day. He found her wandering around SNU’s main lobby on the first day of the spring semester. You and Donghyuck were visiting the university after receiving your acceptance letters, looking for an apartment to share. Jaemin was going to another university, so it wasn’t wise for you and him to move in together, hence Donghyuck offered to move in with you to save up some money for rent and other expenses.

Lee Naeun stood there, still taller than Donghyuck, still the first person who ever kissed Donghyuck’s lips, still the first person you’d ever compared yourself to, wondering what she had that you didn’t.

Like the day they kissed in 2013, you looked away when Donghyuck finally reached to where she stood, wondering why, all of a sudden, many years later, the butterflies were flying all over in your stomach once again.

ginny williams, September 2020 – October 2020

Of course, the first woman that Donghyuck officially dated in university is from the UK. Jeno said he only dated her to show everyone he’s immensely improved in English.

The break-up was proof Donghyuck never improved in English. He didn’t even understand why she was breaking up with him.

park yesol, September 2021 – February 2022

You introduced Donghyuck to Park Yesol because it’s what she wanted for her birthday.

She had invited you to her 21st birthday. You and her, if you were being honest, barely know each other. You only shared a class in Literature once, so at first, it was a mystery to you why she suddenly invited you. When she’d asked if you could ask Donghyuck to RSVP with you, you’d known that it’s all she wanted from you.

Eventually, they’d start dating. Donghyuck, at that time, had been single for almost a year. He thought he convinced you that college was finally catching up on him hence he’d put a stop to his “demanding” dating life. However, Donghyuck is your best friend, and you could see right through him. You knew he liked someone he wasn’t willing to share with you, and he was probably working up the courage to ask that person out, which, when you thought about it, was new. Donghyuck was cunning and ambitious and he knew what he wanted and how to get it. He was never one to shy away from the people he liked, so it was a little suspicious that it took him almost a year to start dating again. You did not figure out who he liked, and you knew he’d only started dating Yesol to get you to shut up about it.

You and him knew it wasn’t a serious relationship because Yesol was dating other guys while she’d dated him. Donghyuck told you it felt like the relationship was just for sex because of his oozing sex appeal; you’d thrown a cushion at him when he’d said that.

Meanwhile, you and Jaemin were almost at pointbreak.

You didn’t want to spend Valentine’s Day being uncertain of the relationship would go, so you broke up with him on the first day of February. Jaemin had gotten an internship in Japan a few months ago, and the company that hired him liked him so much that they wanted to keep him while he finishes his degree virtually. You wished you could say the same, that you loved him so much you also wanted to keep him.

It was finally catching up to you and him, the distance. So, it was better you’d break it off before you and him start failing subjects just to keep a relationship steady.

Two and a half years together wasn’t enough. You and Jaemin wanted to spend the rest of your college years, at least, together. But like he said the night you’d ended it: it wasn’t worth it if it was compromising your mental health and studies. You’d cried so much that night, and you wondered if Donghyuck pretended he couldn’t hear you sobbing from the other side of the apartment.

Come Valentine’s Day, Donghyuck asked you to dress up, throwing a paper bag at you.

The place he “luckily scored” a reservation from, on a busy, fully-booked Valentine’s night, was nice. It was romantic and you were flushed and giddy from all the wine and all of the Donghyuck.

“Why are you here with me and not with Yesol?” you’d asked after the waiter filled your glass.

Donghyuck smiled at you. “I broke up with her two weeks ago.” Around the same time you did with Jaemin. “I figured if my best friend would be miserable on Valentine’s day, I should be, too.”

You laughed. “Well, you don’t look too miserable for a newly single man.”

“I’m not,” he confessed. “I’m never miserable when I have you.”

You reached out one hand, palm facing Donghyuck. He intertwined his hand with yours. And it fit perfectly. Just like the dress he got you.

your name, June 2022 – present (or alternately, sometime in 2005 – forever.)

“Lee Naeun, Kim Haerin, Im Jieun, Lee Naeun again, then Park Yesol,” you enumerate. “You were a ladies’ man!”

Donghyuck whines, begging you to stop as you go through his things in his room, particularly the notes and letters from the girls he’d dated.

You and him are moving out. Graduation is just around the corner, and you and Donghyuck decided to move on to a better place. Your boyfriend got a job in one of the biggest companies in his industry, while you’re yet to find yours.

“Don’t forget Ginny Williams,” he teases, throwing you a love letter from the bunch.

“You did not date Ginny Williams, Donghyuck. It was an illusion,” you scoff. “Tell me one conversation you had with her. A real one.”

“I swear to God, she loved me,” he answers. “Stop playing around and help me in here.”

You stand from the carpeted floor and walk towards Donghyuck as he sorts out the things from his study desk. Donghyuck starts with the tower of books and folders, organizing them alphabetically as he carefully places them on the box labeled as books. The other box is labeled as essentials; hence you start throwing his headphones and speakers and its chargers in. While doing so, you get a hold of a small box that contains what you thought were miscellaneous items mixed in with trash, until you realize what’s inside.

There are a few polaroid pictures of you and him from high school, including a picture of you and him on your high school’s graduation day, some receipts from, now you recognize, the places you’d gone to. There’s a receipt from when you and him took the subway to visit a museum at the other side of the country back in 2018, another from Valentines day 2022, when you and him celebrated being newly single, the old ticket from your senior prom when he’d gone with you, and so many more that you could recognize just from its dates.

“Donghyuck,” you whisper as you look at the box of memories. Donghyuck turns, eyes wide when he recognizes the box you’re holding. “Where… where should I put these?”

Donghyuck loved many girls in his life. You can recall their names in the order of when he’d dated them. You had your favorites and the ones you didn’t like that much. Some of your friends wonder if you’ve ever been insecure knowing you weren’t the first kiss or the first person he had sex with and if you were okay with knowing all of that. You weren’t the first and you wish you’d be the last. The only thing you’re certain of, is that he had always loved you, and that alone erases all the other thoughts.

If you could say so, you’re thankful for all of the girls he loved before because they made him the one you’d fallen for. Every dead-end street led him straight to you.

He smiles. “Essentials.”

[izicodes]

Hi, Hello! It’s me, Izzy and I am back from a very long break!

For those who don’t know who I am and just saw my post, I’m Isabelle but Izzy for short (and even shorter, Izi)! I run a Codeblr blog which I post about anything coding! I try to strictly only talk about coding, programming and computer science, but frankly, I ramble on about something else eventually! Hope you’re doing well!

Now, I know I said I wouldn't come back, but that was because I suddenly became stuck on what to post about and wanted to give myself a break and figure out how to do things on my blog and my online presence in general!

So, in summary, I am back from my break very inspired and eager to help more people get into programming / get better at programming! I will go on to talk about exactly what I have been doing during my break later on in this post, but wanted to say thank you to everyone who messaged me throughout the months and saw how I was! Very thought and extra blessings from God to you, please!

Working at my new-but-not-so-new job!

Yes! So, obviously, as a 21st Century girlie, I am working! Still at the music company that I started back in January! Now that I am 8 months into the job, I feel now I am fully immersed in the job and the projects and not feeling like an outsider! I went on multiple out-the-office events with the whole company and it was nice! Some I couldn’t attend because of religious reasons, but I still had fun! I got to meet a lot more girlies at my office that I don’t usually talk to (because I’m still the only girl in the frontend engineering team but there is a backend girlie but we don’t work close together so… distance)! Cheatingly, I am always ticking the box of “code every day”! However, work has made me do more UI/UX designing + frontend programming websites which I love! Always wanted to be both and not just one or the other! We are allowed to have 2 job titles, remember? (But make sure the salary is in accordance, of course, ~)

Learning new technologies! (for fun, obviously)

By “for fun” I mean personal reasons, the technologies I learnt on a whim were not for work but because I needed to learn them for personal projects I wanted to learn! I stress again; it’s more fun to learn something because you want to and not because you have to! So, I have been learning how to create desktop applications using ElectronJS and ReactJS (React has become my best friend!). Me now compared to me when I started my break is 10x smarter I feel like! My brain has definitely expanded somewhere…!

Latest project?!

Inspired by study productivity apps and wanting to track my Korean language progress, I am making a desktop application called ‘eStudySpace’! It would be my own personal app, but I want to see if I can actually pull something like this off! Right now I have not coded anything because I want to work on the design aspect first (which is smarter and a time saver in the future), so I have been on Figma for the last 2 weeks coming up with designs!

(It looks bad, I know this is like idea no.3287368 ugh...)

Miscs

I have been learning Korean for 4 months now. 

I have plans to move to a South-Eastern country, The Philippines? Singapore? Unsure!

I do have plans to switch to a new career but that’s more like 5 years into the future! But right now, I’m happy where I am at!

[simmerianne93]

[Simmerianne93]Couple_poses_26

Hello everyone!!!

Finally I bring you the first pack of the month of a few that are on their way these next couple of weeks. As I told you in my "coming soon" post, this month I have 4 packages for patreons but I will also bring some gifts for everyone based on Christmas and New year's eve. 🥰

I'm a little behind because of the things I've already mentioned before (many power outages at home and personal things) plus with the holidays, I have even less time, but I'm very excited to bring you everything I have being working on.

This time I'm sharing a "couple posepack" that could go well with my "Xmas05" posepack... I created this pack thinking about a couple of my pixels from an "oppposites challenge" I play, So I thought I should do the cover photo with them. She is quite clumsy and unflirty, he on the other hand is quite a romantic boy and has a crush on her and I tried to make their expressions represent that a little.  Although they're not in this stage of their life yet (They despise eachother yet xD)... But maybe one day they will reach this point of the story.

In any case, it seems like a good time to share with you a couple conversation with coffee included on a nice winter night (or day).

I hope you like them.

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What is on it? 9 Couple poses  (Made with a male rig and a female rig) + 2 all in one. What do you need?

Andrew's poses player 

Teleport any sim by Scumbumbo.

A backless bench. (I use the one from ROMANTIC GARDEN STUFFPACK)

May_TS4_Coffee_Fixed. [Download it here in my post. I couldn't find the creator so I fixed it myself to work with stigmata rig].

OPTIONAL: I had a mistake doing the poses and use [Ana Zanacolle] Creamy Coffee ACC first, so the poses work with that accessory too. 

Instructions on the original post.

——

TOU

Do not claim my creations as your own.

Do not re-upload or modify my creations.

Do not make money of my creations.

Do not include my creations in Mods folders to download.

Please follow my Term Of Use.

——

Download it now here — [EARLY ACCESS UNTIL January 6th, 2024]

——————

If you want to support me:  Patreon | Ko-fi

For more poses: Pinterest |  Wix

My socials: Twitter | Instagram | BlueSky

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I really hope you like them and I will say on advance: Thank you so much for use them.

@ts4-poses

[hanafubukki]

Malleus Draconia’s Flower Bouquet Meaning

Twst Bdays Flower Language Masterlist

I have been waiting and waiting for the release of Malleus’ 3rd Bday card with such anticipation. I literally waited every day until the time Twst JP usually updates with news for some semblance of Malleus Bday card news.

AND NOW MY BOY IS HERE AND HE LOOKS SO FINE PLEASE. His smirk with the fangs sends me. His wink is so cute! Lilia is raising these boys right! Look at HIM.

January is the moth of Diasomnia and I love it, we have Malleus, Lilia, Silver and Sebek card releases. (Diasomnia Stans I hope your gems survive). 

As I did with Lilia’s Bouquet Post , I will be writing more than I usually do. Malleus Draconia is one of my favorite twst characters and he deserves it and all the effort (in this love essay, I will). In addition, I will be adding possible theories along the way and will be mentioning book 7 too and other cards that have been released, so heed spoilers for book 7 and cards that might have not released yet.

At first glance, Malleus’ Bouquet reminded me of Trey’s Bouquet . In the sense that it reminded me of a salad, and I couldn’t help but laugh a bit because of it. When you think about some of the meanings previously discussed in Trey’s Bouquet, it applies to Malleus as well when you think about it: past, present, and future. But I’m getting ahead of myself, we will discuss that later.

It’s really nice seeing Malleus so happy especially without any worries right now (basically flirting with us lolol). After book 7 chapter 1, I am happy he is full of energy and amusement. 

I do wish that his bouquet had more colors to make it pop more, but like Lilia’s, Malleus’ bouquet does fit him rather well. It can give you a glimpse of his past and current mindset, and also a hint to the future of what may come. (please, my heart.) 

Some observations from just from a glance, Malleus’ bouquet may not pop as much color wise, but you know what it does really well? It blends into the environment rather seamlessly.  Unlike Trey, who doesn't like to stand out and would rather blend in, which shows in his flowers. For malleus, it is not by choice. He blends in seamlessly because he is forgotten by those around him. When he is not forgotten, people are scared of him and tend to run away. The only ones to truly notice him missing are Lilia, Sebek, Silver, and MC.

We know that Malleus hates being forgotten and left out and this bouquet shows that while he blends in to the environment, it is not by choice and some of the flower meanings show his feelings towards being forgotten and ostracized. (I’ll never forget you Malleus 💕💕). 

Greem flowers tend to be rare and on further research, they also tend to be mutations in some variations of flowers. This fits Malleus because we can all say that he is a highly respected figure, not only is he a future king in the Valley of Thorns, but he is one of the top ten strongest mages in the world. If we went further, Malleus is a type of dragon fae, and royalty, maybe he might or might not be the last of his kind? Only time will tell, as we know the only relative he has right now is his grandmother. I

In terms of magic power, malleus is extremely strong and we can see how the story swings and the narrative changes when he deigns to step in and help. Book 5, Malleus fixed the stage hence allowing for VDC to continue, and in book 6, he helped Vil by making him young again. We have seen in masquerade the magic potential he has and how that affects the environment as well, and in book 7 a well. Malleus is unique and rare, and that could also show why he is so revered heavily by everyone else when all he wants is to be invited and share experiences with others.

I love how Malleus is also winking in this card, as he is in other cards. You certainly get the Diasomnia closeness as because sebek was also winking in his cards. We also have the smile that Lilia and Silver all share too, which I think is cute! I might be wrong but I think all the third years so far have been winking?

Now, let’s talk about some rather interesting...moves that twst played with the release of this Malleus card. First of all, with the release of the Malleus Bday card, We also received the Silver Dorm SSR card. This is interesting because this is the first time they released a Dorm SSR card without a story update. What’s more, its rather interesting they chose to release it with the Malleus card which makes me wonder how purposely did they do this? Was this as a way to show the connection Silver and Malleus has? 

As in a sense, Malleus can be paralleled to Maleficent and Silver could be Aurora (and the Sword, Shield, and Prince Philip technically) from what we see on the surface level. It's as if they are telling us these two are more connected than we realize and maybe they are a mirror too (or like that one promo where you see Maleficent on one side and the princess on another as two opposite spectrums).

Considering the opposite styles that Malleus and Silver were raise (by Lilia no less), it hurts to see how much this is stressed. You can tell familial love will play a big role in book7 from this alone. It also makes it seem like they are pushing Malleus to play this evil role that he clearly doesn't want to be in when all he wants is to belong and be invited.

Another interesting point I want to bring up is that, Silver is the only one without the title that basically says “___ Protector of the Valley of Thorns” Instead, He is the sleeping guardian. So, we have this disconnect between the four and shows how much of the role Silver might play when it comes to the other three diasomnia residents.  This Post shows the English titles  and this post is a jp comment about it as well I believe .

It alludes more and more to the fact that Silver has a connection to ‘dreams’ and that could also be a hint on how Malleus and everyone could be saved given that Malleus is the King of the Abyss as well. Maybe, Silver’s UM is connected to dreams as everyone speculate, but I digress. We know at the end of the day, these two have a connection and only time will tell what kind of connection and what it will put everyone through (and how it will eventually wreck us too, get your tissue boxes ready everyone. Book 7 chapter 1 already came for us without reprieve.)

Another fact that I find funny is that Malleus’ Duo is Ace. So, I can’t wait to see how Ace and Malleus interact given that Ace....doesn’t care for manners when it comes to people in power and will basically say what's on his mind. Which, we can see from Endless Halloween. I also personally find it funny because many people tend to ship MC with Ace and Malleus and these two always end up in a triangle and I can’t wait to see what happens after the interview lol Ace also doesn’t have his UM so maybe its a hint of Ace’s role in Book 7 (he could be hiding it as well, since we know how much of a trickster he is).

Malleus’ card spells are similar to those of Idia’s Bday ones apparently. Which is funny and interesting given that Idia will play a big role in book 7, especially in terms of grief and moving on and recovering from the loss of a loved one.

I can’t wait to see Malleus’ groovy. I hope its either in dawn or dusk because that would not only be beautiful but give a wonderful symbolism as well. 

Malleus holding the bouquet so effortlessly also shows his strength, I mean look at him, no struggle at all.

You know what makes me so soft about Malleus’ bouquet? It’s that he has signs of those he loves in his bouquet. He has flowers that symbolizes Lilia, Sebek, Silver, and even MC/Yuu.

Now, lets talk about Flowers 🌺💚🌺💚

[As usual, my disclaimer from before stands, flowers have many different meanings depending on region and color, so the meanings I have might differ from the meanings you know.]

In addition, I know there were some feelings of sadness going around with Malleus’ bouquet because most of the associated flower language were negative, but remember every flower has more than one meaning and together, the flower language can change as a whole depending on the bouquet. It also depends on the meaning we choose to empathize over the others. 

His flowers are kind of hard to tell, so I put whichever ones I thought they might be. Get your hearts ready and anything you have that has Malleus’ face because you are going to want to hug him. (total opposite from how I wanted to yeet Lilia during his post lol) 

Flower Colors (general meaning): 

Green Flowers: Health, resilience, good fortune, and youth. We know Malleus is young in terms of Fae age and we know he also has to learn and mature more when in comes to certain instances over the others. Some examples we have seen was when things didn’t go his way and you can see the weather being affected, but also we have to consider that he never really got to act his age has he? Health and good fortune for his future.

White Flowers:  True love, purity, innocence, sympathy.  We know True Love Kiss plays a role in Sleeping Beauty and I can’t wait to see how it plays a role for book 7. In a way, Malleus is innocent in his experience with anything related to modern times, and his situation does make you feel for him. (Malleus, we love you 💕).

Red Flowers: Love, passion, pride, vigor, and strength. (rather fitting, wouldn’t you say?) 

Bouquet:

Green Roses: Renewal, rejuvenation of spirit and energy, growth, abundance, balance, stability, peace, good news and new beginnings. Possibly the future healing that Malleus will go through? (you know, after his mental breakdown...I know know, I’ll be quiet now) [To my knowledge, green roses do not mean jealously. It’s the yellow roses.] I was hoping they would give him red roses to symbolize his rose garden back home too. 

Carnation: Fascination, distinction, and love. In Greek, it is known as God’s Flower.  As some tend to worship Malleus like a God, it's rather fitting for him to have this flower. (Sebek and some diasomnia students come to mind).

Curcuma/Hidden Lilies: Love, Rebirth, Devotion, Purity, Fertility, clear and sincere intentions. When I first saw these, my mind literally went Lilies = Lilia and with several of the meanings it makes you wonder doesn’t it? Especially as Rebirth seems to be a themes in Malleus and Lilia’s bouquet. (Sleeping curse maybe?) These also look like the flowers you see in the Live Action Sleeping Beauty 2 Movie, during the wedding. You know when Maleficent walks Aurora down the Aisle. So it could also be stressing the relationship Malleus has with Silver. Technically, all three of them. Can be used to treated stomach problems and this makes me laugh because Lilia had stomach problems in that one Firelit Sky event, hence another factor in representing Lilia.

Green Lisanthus: Appreciation, charm, charisma, and confidence. (Malleus in a flower basically 💕)

Cala Lily (Burgundy): Life’s right of passage, purity, holiness, faithfulness, courage and determination. (Silver and Sebek determination to protecting their Lord.) 

Dracaena Fragans: meaning Dragon, financial and career success (he will make wonderful king), peace and good fortune.

Amaryllis: to sparkle, pride, strength, determination. These flowers blooms every year despite looking frail and it doesn’t take much to have them grow year after year. An interesting story is about a maiden who fell in love with a cold hearted man. She pierced her heart with a gold arrow and visited his cottage. After 30 days, her droplets of blood became beautiful flowers and the man fell in love with her and she was healed. Another type of Amaryllis is the cluster ones, we know it as the spider lilies. Common ones are the red spider lilies which is basically a red flag because it usually means death and last goodbye. This could symbolize the long life Malleus has ahead of him as well. White Amaryllis means beauty, devotion, and love. In addition, White Amaryllis symbolizes children and the innocence that comes from them. It reminds me of the story that Malleus told MC about how he just wanted to belong and had a tantrum that led to the castle becoming frozen in ice. Lilia was the only one who stepped forward and helped him and it implies that's how Malleus ended up loving ice cream. (My heeearrrttt) Also, the other story of how Lilia had his hair burned because baby malleus blew fire too lolol.

Houseleeks/Succulent: Always Living, enduring and timeless love, forever, does not change, Will live in harsh environments (My heart damnit, my heart).

Elderberry/Elder: inner strength, courage, calm fears, resilience, joy, protection from evil, prolong life, and peaceful sleep. “Eld” can also mean fire.

Olives: friendship and reconciliation, cleansing and healing, light, victory and richness, and above all, a sign of peace. (I’m not crying, you are!).

Hypericum Berries: symbol of peace, protection, rebirth 

Acai Palm: Nutritious, growth in wilderness.

Thistle: Pain, aggressiveness, pride, and Protection.

Cordylines: Added to flowers to add emphasize to other flowers meanings, good luck, and fortune. Often it is confused with Dracaena. 

Random Fact: Anniversaries could also be considered, since its the 3rd bdays for all the boys, their flower will be Sunflower: strength  be well, happiness, male healing, confidence, self-esteem, assertiveness. Sounds just like them, doesn’t it?

Credit: Thank you to Lala (@/mobagehellocal) for her help as always. Please go talk flowers with her too. We love talking about them. 🌺🌻

[agentwhiskeysdarlin]

Reunited

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: TLOU typical violence, mentions of injury, pain medication use, outbreak night events (from readers pov), sorry to the Joel and Tess shippers out there, Sarah’s death, angst but fluff

Word Count: 4k

Author’s Notes: FINALLY BACK!!! This writers block didn’t last nowhere near as long as the last one and it feels good to be typing this right now. I do think in the future I will intentionally take January off to reset and rest my brain. I hope everyone has been well!! This is my first ever Joel fic so please be nice!! Thanks to @clint-aww-no-barton​ as always! With a new wave of fans coming in if you want to be added (or removed) from my taglist please please let me know!!

ao3 link 

  The world was so broken. It had been like this for 20 years now, but every single time you moved outside of the walls of a city it hit you all over again. You panted as you moved one foot in front of the other, pain shooting up your left leg with each step. Boston was now maybe a mile away in front of you. You paused, taking it in, before making yourself keep moving. Finally you were in view of guards who came rushing to you, guns drawn as usual.

  “I’m not sick,” your voice betrayed you as you raised your arms.

  “Any exposed injuries?!” One guard yelled from the distance they kept.

  “No,” you spoke shaking your head with your word. “I think my left leg is broken somewhere. I’m not sure. I just know it hurts like hell.”

  The guards came to you then, calmly, which was not something you experienced often. You knew all the normal procedures that came next, but you couldn’t care less, you just wanted off your feet. They took you to a room once you crossed the walls, patted you down and scanned you, green shining back into the dim room.

  “Well, looks like you’re not sick. I’ll get someone to look at that leg.” One of the guards spoke with a sweeter tone than most.

  “Thank you,” your words came out soft and full of exhaustion.

  Water and a sandwich was shoved into your hands, which you devoured. The moment you took your last sip of water, a man walked in who was definitely a doctor.

  “What did you do to it?” He spoke softly as he moved your leg slightly.

  You let out a scream at the pain that shot through you, the guard in the room jumping.

  “Do that again and I’ll kick you in the face,” you spoke through gritted teeth.

  “I do have to do my job,” he snapped back eyeing you with a sharp look.

  “I did it after I left the last place I was at. I was being chased by infected and tripped. I was in pain but I had to get up and keep going.”

  “Well good news is, it’s not broken but you do have a severe strain, maybe even torn ligaments. I’m going to wrap it up but once you get into a room I want you off it.”

  “Yeah like that’s going to happen. We don’t have the luxury of things like resting anymore.”

  “You do and will.”

  You rolled your eyes but braced yourself as he started to wrap your leg. Your knuckles turned white and you swore you were going to break your teeth as you clenched them through the pain.

  “Come on I’ll take you to the apartment building you’ll be staying in,” the guard who had been keeping watch since you got here started to help you from the table. 

  “Easy easy.”

  You wrapped your arm around her and she held you tight against her as the two of you started to walk slowly and carefully. You were mostly silent as she walked you through the city. It all looked the same as the other cities you had lived, in just different faces. Eyes watched you, people paused as you passed by. A new person was in their midst and she was being helped by a guard. Finally the two of you came to the building and slowly made your way up the stairs inside.

  “I need a minute,” you panted as you backed yourself up against a wall just inside.

You rested your head back on the wall and closed your eyes, trying to calm your breathing and pounding heart rate. The pain still coursing through you had only slightly subsided thanks to the wrap now on it. You were going to have to find out how to get pain medication around here and soon.

  “You think you can move again?” The guard spoke and with your eyes still closed you nodded your head.

  The next few moments seemed to move in slow motion. Your eyes opened and before you could even push yourself off the wall you saw him. There was no mistaking him even after all these years. You felt tears spring into your eyes almost too shocked to speak.

  “Joel?”

  His name came out softer than you wanted but he still stopped dead in his tracks and then turned to you. You could see the hardness like armor around him but his face went from tensed to shocked. His eyes met yours and you could tell he couldn’t find his words. So many emotions came crashing over you and you wanted to fall to the ground, you wanted to cry but more than anything you wanted his arms wrapped around you. To be sure he was real. You pushed yourself off the wall and the two of you stood there for too long just looking at each other. No doubt he was thinking the same as you. Were you dreaming? You knew you weren’t. This was real. After all this time you had found your way back to each other just as you promised that night. 

*outbreak night*

  You had driven straight to their house. You didn’t even fully have the car in park before you were out of it and running towards it. The neighborhood was already in an uproar, along with the rest of the city and it seemed nightfall was making things worse. You noticed the door open and stopped short, slowly making your way inside.

  “Joel?! Sarah?!” You yelled their names but got no responses.

  You gulped, feeling your stomach fall, but no you wouldn’t believe the worst, not yet. Then it felt like everything happened at once. You heard a scream, turning and taking off back out of the house in time to see Sarah stunned into stillness as her neighbor went rabid. Just before she lunged at Sarah, before you could jump to her rescue, Tommy’s truck came crashing onto the curb, both men were out and Joel had killed the woman. Everyone seemed to freeze in that moment realizing what was happening was real.

  “You killed her…” Sarah let out a sob and Joel was to her in second.

  “I know baby girl. I’m so sorry but I had to,” he breathed and then he looked at you. “Are you okay?”

  All you could do was nod. Your heart was racing and you could feel the panic creeping up. You looked at Sarah and pushed it down then glanced back at Joel. The two of you communicated silently, that there would be a time to have your own moments later. What mattered now was getting somewhere safe.

  “Both of you get in. We gotta go,” Joel spoke suddenly and you all made for the truck.

  You slid into the backseat with Sarah who whimpered slightly as she grabbed your arm.

  “Hey it’s going to be okay kiddo. Buckle up,” you nodded at the seatbelt on her side.

  She buckled and so did you before you had grabbed on to each other once again. You tried to keep her calm as Tommy flew through the streets. Him and Joel kept going back and forth about where to go, which way would be better. Everything seemed a blur. A burning house to your left, a family pleading for help on your right. Every car in Texas on the highway that was your way out. Across a field with a sharp turn only to be met with military. Another jerk to the right and you were heading straight for the city. You could see the flames already licking the sky in the distance. You had no idea what was going to happen or where you were going to go. You held Sarah with a harder grip as Tommy flew into the city. Everything was pure chaos. Other cars flew around you along with people running from other people who seemed to be crazed. They were attacking people, killing then. And then ,moments later the dead got up and took off after more. You watched in pure shock and fear until your head flew forward with a sudden stop.

  “Tommy back up!! Back up!!”

  Joel was yelling. Tommy was yelling back. Sarah was speaking over them and you sat in silence. You looked behind you as Tommy flew in reverse and was met with a sight that finally made the entire thing click. Airplanes were falling from the sky, they came closer and closer to the ground until one hit and the entire world seemed to explode. You grabbed Sarah moments before something hit the truck and the world went black.

  “(Y/N).”

  The simple word snapped you back to reality. You gazed into Joel’s eyes and then you were moving to each other. He pulled you into his arms and you wrapped yours tightly around his neck. You buried your face in his shoulder, taking in the familiar scent of him. The tears ran down your face even with you trying so hard to hold them back.

  “I can’t believe this,” he spoke softly in your ear. “I…I didn’t…”

  “Think I’d ever see you again? I know,” you smiled, with a chuckle of disbelief as you stood back.

  His hands came up to your cheeks and his brown eyes searched your face over before making their way down your body. Then he snapped back up and his eyes went to the guard who still stood there, watching the entire thing.

  “I’ve got her from here. Thank you,” Joel spoke softly and he had you picked up bridal style in seconds.

  “Thank you,” you spoke softly to the guard as she handed your key over. With a soft smile she simply gave you a nod before leaving.

  Joel carried you up a few flights of stairs and then gently set you down keeping your weight on him. He dug out a key and unlocked the door and the two you stepped into, what you assumed, was his apartment.

  “Let’s get you propped up on the couch and I’ll get you some water and some medicine.”

  “You have pain meds?”

  “I got plenty of pain meds,” he smirked as he eyed you and carefully lowered you to the couch.

  You leaned back letting out a sigh with a slight smile at him. He picked up a pillow and sat it under your leg, earning a hiss from you.

  “I’m sorry,” his words were soft.

  “It’s okay,” you watched him.

  You couldn’t take your eyes off him as he moved around the apartment. You had waited for this moment for years. You had lost hope too many times to count, thinking he had to be dead or the world was still just too big to find him. When he came back to you his eyes met yours and he smirked his eyebrows pulling together.

  “What is it?”

  “I just…I never thought I’d find you again. I’m not missing a moment,” you spoke as you took the water and pills from him.

  “I…I still can’t really believe you are here. I have to be honest I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. What happened after we…”

  “Got separated?” A simple nod from him, as he sat on the coffee table across from you and took your hand. “I’ll be honest I don’t want to talk about that right now. I just…I just need to be. I just need to be with you. I need to know for sure you’re not going to disappear on me again.”

The two of you let out an understanding sigh and Joel nodded. “I understand. We will talk more later.”

  He brushed a piece of your hair back behind your ear and his fingers trailed down your cheek gently. Tears welled in your eyes and you forced them to not fall. The two of you just sat there, looking at each other until keys were turning in his lock. You looked from the door, back to him in question.

  “We have a lot to talk about. Just…it’s okay.” He rushed the words out, panic clear on his face.

  Then a woman was walking through the door. She stopped just inside her eyes glancing from you to Joel and back. Silence filled the room and dread filled you. He had moved on. He had found someone else and now you…you had came all this way for nothing.

  “Is this (Y/N)?” She seemed to smile just slightly, the corners of her mouth turning up.

  How did she know your name?

  “It is. Uh, this is Tess,” he spoke his hand rubbing the back of his neck, a nervous tick of his.

  “Can we talk Joel?” She spoke before you could even utter a word.

  Joel simply nodded and walked behind her into the hallway. You knew you were going to hear every word they said and it made your stomach turn.

  “Tess I…she just showed up.”

  “Joel don’t it’s okay. I knew this day could always come. It’s always been her and it always will be. Let her stay with you and I’ll take her apartment.”

  “Tess…”

  “Joel you know I’m right. This…this was two lonely people keeping each other from falling apart. You still talk about her, you still call her name in your sleep. I know you still love her I can see it all over your face. It’s okay. We can still work together, but I understand. If it would have been….” She broke off for a second. “I know you would do the same thing.”

  Silence once again and you held your breath.

  “You’re right. I…I can’t turn her away. I…”

  “I know,” Tess spoke and you heard her kiss him whether on the lips or cheek you had no idea, but even in the moment it still made your stomach drop.

  The door opened and the two of them stepped back into the room. You didn’t realize until that moment that you had tears falling down your face.

  “I’m sorry,” your voice broke as it whispered the words to the both of them.

  “There is nothing for you to be sorry about.” Tess spoke to you and then she took your apartment key, that was sitting on the coffee table, and she was out the door.

  It shut behind her and you watched the door for a long moment before you looked at Joel. You didn’t stop the sob that broke from you and your hand covered your mouth. You had just came in and ruined everything he had. You felt sick.

  “I am so sorry Joel,” you spoke through the tears.

  He physically seemed to fall apart. Tears sprung in his eyes and he was down on his knees by the couch taking your face in his hands.

  “No no my sweet girl. There is nothing at all you need to feel sorry about. She was right. We were just keeping each other afloat and she knew if you ever came back to me that it wouldn’t be a decision. It has and always will be you. My love for you has never stopped. I just lost hope.”

  The he brought you to his lips and the two of you kissed. You melted into him and nothing else mattered anymore. You were with the man you loved finally. He pulled away, his forehead resting on yours as he wiped away the tears that had fallen.

  “Let’s get washed up and I’ll fix us some dinner and then we can get to bed.”

  “Sounds perfect,” you only whispered the words too afraid to really speak.

  You had no idea how two people separated for so long could simply fall back into line with each other, but it was easy for Joel and yourself. He had washed himself while you rested and then helped you to wash up. He had changed you into some of his clothes, promising to get you some more the next day. Then he fixed food for the two of you while you sat at his small table watching him. You both exchanged mellow stories of your time apart over the meal. Even with the events of the day it felt comfortable, familiar, normal. He helped you to bed and the two of you curled together on the mattress. He pulled you to him kissing the top of your head.

  “You want to talk about what happened now?” He spoke after a few moments of silence.

  You knew how it felt to wonder what had happened. You revisited that night entirely too often. Trying to figure out exactly what went wrong but the answer was simple. Everything had gone wrong. You had thought you were going to get out, up until the wreck.

*outbreak night*

  Your hearing came back first. Everything was muffled but the chaos was still rampant. You could barely hear your name being spoken by more than one person and then Sarah’s name. It was being repeated like a record player and finally you pushed the darkness of unconsciousness away and your eyes fluttered open. You were upside down, asphalt under your back and Tommy’s truck trapping you underneath it. You started to slowly move your limbs making sure nothing was broken. Your arm sent a shooting pain through you and you grit your teeth. At least it wasn’t your legs. You pushed yourself one armed out from under the truck meeting Joel and Sarah on the same side.

  “Can you walk baby girl?”

  You turned to Joel and Sarah and you glanced over them both. Joel was scratched up, blood coming from various places but all together he looked fine enough. Sarah on the other hand clearly had a twisted ankle. You grimaced at the sight, trying to move your arm. It wasn’t broke or at least not fully but you didn’t bother to keep pushing it. Sarah answered Joel with a no and he had her in his arms in a second. He turned to you glancing you over.

  “I’m fine. I think my arm is fucked but I’m okay.”

  Joel nodded and then turned to Tommy. Then in a second an ambulance came flying by wrecking Tommy’s truck further and separating the three of you from him.

  “I’m alright! Go! I’ll catch up with you!”

  “Tommy…”

  “Go!”

  Without another word the three of you turned and heading down the alley you had been trapped in. You stopped dead in your tracks when the sight in front of you opened up. Joel was next to you looking on in horror. A man was eating another and you gulped before he looked up. His body contorted strangely and then he was up.

  “Run,” Joel spoke simply and you took off into a restaurant.

  You flew through the place as fast as your legs could carry you, Joel and the sick man behind you. You flew through the place to a field on the other side of the city. Then there was gunfire and the man fell to the ground dead. You paused seeing a solider standing there his weapon lowered. Joel stopped beside you. Joel thanked him and then things seemed to move in slow motion. He spoke into his radio and your stomach fell to your feet. He seemed to argue with someone on the other side, mentioned a child and a woman. He wasn’t winning whatever that argument was and it was clear in his final words. You backed up and Joel glanced at you in confusion but then he seemed to freeze completely as the man brought his gun back up. You had no idea what happened in the next few moments. There was gunfire, you scattered falling to the ground and then there was Tommy in the distance, the solider dead. You slowly got up testing and checking your body. You hadn’t been shot and you let out a breath. You took off toward Joel and that’s when you heard him scream.

  “Tommy help me!”

  Sarah. No. You stopped just in front of Tommy. Joel held her and she didn’t look back at you. Her eyes were closed. She was gone. You fell to the ground, a sob ripping from you. And then you were crawling to him. You wrapped your arms around the back side of her. Joel and yourself held her as you both cried. Your heart had shattered. A part of you gone. A part of the man you loved gone. You were going to be sick. You turned quickly losing the contents of your stomach into the grass.

  “We have to go.” Tommy spoke slowly.

  You glanced at him knowing how right he was. You stayed too much longer and you would be dead.

  “Joel…Joel he’s right. We have to go. I’m so sorry. I know okay, I know. But they will kill us all if we don’t move.”

  You crawled back to Joel and he looked at you, so broken. You pushed away another sob trying to gather yourself for him. One of you had to be strong and in this moment you knew it had to be you. Joel lowered Sarah gently and looked at her. He kissed her forehead and whispered something to her before he gently laid her on the ground. You watched on helplessly. The three of you turned to each other for a moment before you started to once again move.

  “Well you know we went to that one town where all that salvage was…”

  “Trust me I recall clearly.”

  Now you could laugh a bit about it, but at the time you had been so scared. The two of you had gone to look for supplies and a whole pack of infected had found you. The two of you got separated and could never find each other. You remember going your separate ways to try and take care of the infected from each end. The last words Joel had spoken to you were that he would find you. He never did. You had gone running to find him and at first you had thought he was dead. You had checked every single last body in the area before you ducked into a building. You had slipped into a panic attack giving yourself a moment to grieve, to think of what to do next and then you made yourself move.

  “I made it out of Kentucky by the end of the week. I stayed in Ohio for several years. I lost hope. I lost myself for a long time. I self isolated and just tried to make it through. Then one day it was like this weird spark sent me forward and I felt more alive that I had in awhile. One morning I woke up and I just left. There was something there that was pulling me here. Now I know…it was you.”

  You looked up at him catching his brown eyes already watching you.

  “I thought I had lost you forever. I kept pushing, hoping one day I would find you again. That I would fulfill that promise. I felt like a failure because I never held it up.”

  “Joel…”

  “I got here and I did the same thing you did. I shut down and grieved you. Then one day I got up and made myself move on. I thought I was dreaming when I heard your voice say my name.”

  “Let’s make a promise to each other,” you sat up gently looking down at him, his fingers brushing at your arm gently.

  “Alright,” he smiled, actually smiled, a sight you had not seen in so long.

  “Let’s promise to stay together till the end of time. Let’s promise to never ever get separated again.”

  “That is a promise I was already planning on keeping.”

  Joel’s smile widened and your own grew on your face before he pulled you down, connecting his lips to yours.

Tagged: @jimmythegirl​ @arcadianempress​ @discogrrl​ @immundusspiritu​ @someplace-darker​ @thisis-theway​ @ohpedromypedro​ @scribbledghost​ @fioccodineveautunnale​ @princess-and-pedro​ @phoenixhalliwell​ @littlevodka​ @all-hallows-evie​ @mack4676​ @perropascal​ @audreyshepbvrn​ @mswarriorbabe80​ @kaqua​ @novemberrain221​

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Five Fics Friday: January 12/24

Happy Friday everyone!! I hope you had a wonderful week, and are ready to enjoy some more fic recs to get you started on the weekend! Enjoy!!

RECENTLY BOOKMARKED

Spare Parts by Raina_at (E, 63,497 w., 10 Ch. || 24th Century / Futurism AU || Post TRF, Pre-TRF Relationship, Case Fic, Mutual Pining, Estrangement, Reconciliation, Science Fiction, Reunion, Nightmares, Angry John, Cybernetic John, Emotional Discussions / Heart to Heart, POV John, Scars, Past Drug Use, Forehead Touching, Emotional Lovemaking, Kissing, Apologies, Kidnapping, Rescue Mission, BAMF John, Bed Sharing, Top Sherlock) – Two years ago, Sherlock Holmes jumped off the roof of New London Hospital. Two months ago, he walked into John's clinic as if no time had passed at all. John hasn't seen him since. But then Sherlock knocks on John's door with a case he can't say no to, and while figuring out why the biggest manufacturer or synthetic limbs in the System is going after veterans, they also need to find out whether there's a way to fix what's broken between them. Part 1 of Realigning Gravity

Fade To Black by twistedthicket1 (M, 93,389 w., 29 Ch. || Split Personality Disorder / DID, Action, Romance, Violence, Implied Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Fluff and Angst, Baskerville, Human Experimentation, PTSD, Implied Self Harm, Trauma Amnesia, Past Child Sexual Abuse, Protective Sherlock, Smoking, Meddling Mycroft, Past Victor/Sherlock, Gay Sherlock, Sherlock’s Past, First Kiss/Time) – John Watson believes one day he'll just fade. That he'll drown in the black spaces of his mind, and that one day he will no longer exist. It's always been like this, the dark spots marking out moments in his life he can't remember. Where for just a moment he's someone else. Having a Dissociative identity disorder, he can't even be entirely sure he's really who he says he is. Then he meets Sherlock Holmes. A brilliant detective who when he looks at you can read your entire life story. John is immediately fascinated and afraid, half-wondering if maybe Sherlock can see the other personalities in him and half terrified of the thought of him finding out. Becoming his flatmate seems at once to be a wonderful and horrible idea. Yet as John's Blackouts become more and more severe and his other personalities begin to truly awaken and show themselves with Sherlock's help, the two soon discover that sometimes even the kindest person can harbour a demon best left untouched inside of them. Because not all of John's other personalities play nicely and some may be hiding secrets best left undisturbed...

MARKED FOR LATER

Hand Me the Salt, Love? by topsyturvy_turtely (G, 554 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Pet Names, Flustered Sherlock, Cooking, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Fluff Without Plot) – John is cooking. Sherlock is not helping. Until...

Locked Room by Calais_Reno (T, 8,346 w., 2 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting AU || Pool Scene, Mystery, Near Death Experience, Drug Addiction, Serious Injuries, Temporary Amnesia, POV Alternating, Love Confessions, Happy Ending) – John wakes up in a locked room, unable to remember how he got here. The last thing he remembers is his hands covered in blood, trying to keep a soldier from dying. His roommate also seems to be suffering from amnesia, and has decided that John is a delusion. Part 33 of Just Johnlock

Walk of Shame by 72reasons (E, 14,355+ w., 9/? Ch. || WiP || Alternate First Meeting AU || Meet-Ugly, Bisexual John, Gay Sherlock, Alternating POV, Sad John, Suicidal Thoughts, Casual Sex, Strangers to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Threesome, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Frottage, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex) – John is just back from the war and wanders the city wondering what he’s going to do. One of his distractions is having casual sex with a beautiful, but annoying, woman. Sherlock usually refrains from sex, but in trying to stay sober he indulges in it now and again. Sherlock meets John on the street and sparks fly. Casual sex is one thing, but what about something more?

[landslided]

January 1985, Daniel LaRusso goes to the West Valley High's Winter Formal with Ali Mills. He's expecting a nice little party with some good music, some spiked fruit punch and maybe a bit of kissing while he slow dances. What he doesn't expect is a huge creature crashing the party and terrorizing everyone and if that wasn't bad enough already he has to team up with Johnny Lawrence, his (ex?) rival, to save the day. Talk about formative experiences!

it's the night time that flatters by Evanaissante for @cookietastic

THE FIC // THE PLAYLIST

written for the @cksecretsanta23

⬇️ message for cookietastic underneath ⬇️

hi cookie!! im your secret santa!

sorry for the delay for this work but i think i might have bit more than i could chew with this! hopefully you enjoy the fic (and the playlist and the very simple moodboard). i loved working on this and i really hope my love for this fic can be felt in the finished product!

also, as a personal message, i think you're immensely cool and your art is absolutely stunning! it needed to be said!

i hope you had great holidays and i wish you a happy new year!

- marie <3

[mamaestapa]

You Are In Love

•pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

•series summary: Y/N Y/L/N moved to Cincinnati, Ohio for a new start. Move in day arrives and she discovers something terrible...the apartment complex gave her the wrong lease. Instead of living with who she originally was supposed to, she's now living with the hottest quarterback in the NFL, Joe Burrow. Y/N is stuck living in the same apartment with him for a year...which the two are not thrilled about. However, as time goes on, they realize that maybe this wasn't the worst thing that could happen to them. Will Y/N and Joe stay enemies, or will they find themselves falling in love?

•chapter summary: You go to the playoff game Joe wanted you to come to. While you’re there, you reminisce on the last few months and figure out your true feelings for Joe…

•word count: 5.1k

•warnings: angst, lots of fluff, slow-burn coming to an end, the usual :)

series masterlist

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January 16, 2023

Tonight is the night. It's the Bengals first playoff game of the season.

You didn't think you’d go, but after making up with Joe yesterday for what he did to you and Jake, he let you know that he had a couple tickets available. He even said he wants you to be there. Every time you think back on that conversation with Joe, that feeling of butterflies swarming in your tummy appears. That's been happening to you a lot lately, and honestly, you think it's almost exciting? You haven't felt those butterflies for somebody in a long time. It makes you giddy, reminding you of the time when you were in high school. Having crushes on the boys that you knew were way out of your league but made you feel so happy nonetheless.

But let's keep this straight: just because Joe makes you feel a little giddy doesn't mean you necessarily have a crush on him.

He just makes you feel a lot of feelings you haven't felt in a long time, and it makes you feel good knowing it's possible for you to feel this way again.

The game doesn't start for a few hours, but you’re going to be tailgating with Macee and some of the other players wives and girlfriends before it starts. You have never done any sort of tailgate before, so you were looking forward to having a good time and meeting some of the girls Macee has told you so much about.

You picked out your outfit for the game. Opting for a pair of leather leggings, a black long sleeve, and since it's the middle of winter and colder than a witches tit outside, you decided to finish off the look with an orange puffer jacket from the boutique. Once you were dressed, you styled your hair to your liking and put on a simple makeup look. You went into your bedroom and did one final look in your full body mirror before you decided to head to the stadium.

About twenty five minutes later you pulled into the spot next to Macee's car. The group of WAG's waving at you with grins of excitement as they watched you pull in to the parking lot. You put your car into park, took the keys out of the ignition, and got out of the car, smiling at all of the women surrounding Macee's car.

"Hey Y/n!" Macee said with a grin, "I'm so glad you could make it."

She pulled you into a hug and you returned the smile. you squeezed her gently as you said, "Thank you for inviting me, I'm excited to meet everyone!"

She pulled away and introduced you to the other girls.

"Y/n, this is Holly and Chassidy," Macee said, "and you've already met Emma and Alisa."

You smiled sweetly and waved at the girls as Macee introduced you, "And girls, this is Y/n, Joe's roommate."

"Hi," you said, "it's so nice to meet all of you."

"We've heard so much about you!" Holly grinned as she pulled you into a hug. Holly was adorable. Her smile contagious and she seems like a very sweet girl.

"All good things I hope." You joked, finishing your sentence with a light chuckle.

Chassidy chucked as she hugged you next, "Of course."

"Good."

The girls all smiled. Macee handed you a raspberry white claw and said, "I figured you could use one of these."

You accepted the drink and thanked Macee. You knew this game would be a good one, but it would definitely keep nerves high all night. A couple hard seltzers would definitely help ease those nerves. For the next hour or so, you and the girls enjoyed your tailgate, eating lots of different dips and appetizer type snacks. As you were cleaning up the area, Holly approached you, wearing a small smirk on her face.

"Hey," she said sweetly, "Emma and I are going to get some pictures with Sam and my Joe before they go to the locker room, want to come with?"

You smiled at her offer, “I'd love to."

She clapped and grinned excitedly, "Yay!" she lowered her voice slightly as she said, "You know, sometimes the other Joe comes out too. I can get a picture of the two of you if you'd like."

"Okay, sure." you nodded, giving Holly a small smile. She grinned and walked over to Emma, letting her know about the pictures. You took a deep breath and prepared yourself for what was to come. Would Joe think it's weird that I want a picture with him?

You, Holly, and Emma, helped the rest of the girls finish cleaning up all of things they had setup for the tailgate before the three of you headed off to the tunnel the players walked through to head to the locker room. As you walked further down the tunnel, I you saw three men standing around and talking. Once you were close enough, you realized it was Joe, Sam, and the other Joe, Joe Bachie, standing around.

"Hey you!" Holly called out, laughing as her Joe turned around.

"There you are," he chuckled, meeting Holly in the middle, "I was starting to think you forgot."

"I'd never forget our pre-game pictures." She puckered her lips as he planted a sweet kiss to them.

"Come on guys," Sam groaned, a playful smile on his face after his complaint.

Holly flipped him off as she continued to kiss Joe. Emma chuckled and walked up to Sam, the two of them greeting each other with a tight embrace and a sweet kiss. You smiled as you watched the two couples share their own individual sweet moments with eachother. You walked over to Joe, his blue eyes lighting up when he saw you walk closer to him.

"Hey." you smiled, stopping just inches in front him.

"Glad you could make it," he said, crossing his arms in front of him, "I like your outfit."

You looked down at your body and then back up at Joe, a faint blush on your cheeks, "Oh, thanks. I just picked something out last minute."

He chuckled, "Well it looks good."

“Thanks," I gestured to his body, "Yours looks good too, love the pink hoodie."

He looked down at his sweatshirt and back at you with a sly look, "Heh, you like this one?"

You nodded. Joes pink Nike hoodie was one your favorites. Not only is it super cute, but it's really comfortable as well...you only know that because you’ve stolen it from his laundry a couple times. Oops.

"Oh Y/n," Holly said in a sing songy voice, "let me take your picture." She pulled her phone out and pointed between you and Joe.

You looked up at Joe and shook your head, “You don't have to, I just thought-."

He shook his head, "I don't mind. C'mere." He held his left arm up, beckoning for you to come into his side. You smiled and tucked yourself into his side, wrapping an arm around his back while your other hand was placed on his lower left side. Joe draped his arm around your back, placing his hand on your shoulder.

"So cute!" Holly gushed as she took a couple pictures of the two of you.

"Ooooo, Joey's blushing." Sam teased, wiggling his eyebrows at Joe. Joe rolled his eyes at Sam and Holly put her phone away.

"I'll send 'em to you."

You pulled yourself away from Joe, turning your body into his and looking into his eyes. You smiled softly as you said, "Good luck tonight."

He smiled, "Thanks sweets. I'll see you later tonight."

You nodded and said goodbye to the Joe's and Sam, the girls doing the same. The three of you walked out of the tunnel and back out to the outside of the stadium. More and more fans from both teams were beginning to pour in, making Paycor stadium become a madhouse. The rest of the girls were chatting with some fans when you re-joined them.

"Oh em gee," the blonde girl wearing a Burrow jersey expressed in pure disbelief, "are you Joes new girlfriend?"

Your eyes widened in disbelief. That's the first time You’ve heard that from a fan.

"Uh," you shook your head, "nope. I'm not dating Joe."

She frowned, "But Deuxmoi said you were."

Emma glanced at you and chuckled at the girl, “You can't believe everything you see on that page, hun."

"So you're not dating Joe?"

You shook your head, your response making the girl smile.

"Good. Put in a good word for me okay? My name is Mia." She winked.

You just chuckled, "Will do."

Mia and the rest of her group thanked all of you for being so kind and getting pictures with her and her friends before they went off to the inside of the stadium.

Macee shook her head, "That was...something."

All of you laughed. Interactions with fans can be pretty crazy sometimes. Mia seemed sweet, but I you probably won't be telling Joe about her.

You pulled your phone out and saw that you got a post notification on Instagram from the Bengals. You opened the app, and the first thing you saw was that the team had posted pictures of the players pre-game outfits. You scrolled through the photos, your heart skipping a beat as you saw the picture of Joe. After stopping in the tunnel for pictures, Joe had changed into a different pre-game outfit. He was wearing his pair of gray jeans, a cream colored vintage Bengals tee, and a black jacket/windbreaker. What made my heart stop and those butterflies flutter was the number nine diamond necklace adorning his neck. The necklace that you got him for Christmas.

You couldn't help but smile as you looked at the photo. This was the first time you’ve seen Joe wear the necklace. It made you quite happy knowing he liked it enough to pair it with one of his pre-game fits.

"What's got you all smiley?" Chassidy asked, coming up to stand next to you.

You shook your head and turned your phone off, "Nothing, just a picture a friend sent."

Chassidy narrowed her eyes and nodded slowly, "Mhm..."

"I promise," you reply, letting out a laugh. Chassidy just hummed and chuckled softly. She was going to say something, but Alisa cut her off.

"Should we head in ladies?"

Emma nodded, "Yes. I need to get off my feet, they're swelling more and more by the minute."

You smiled sympathetically at Emma, "Let's go then."

The six of you headed into the stadium, ready to sit down and watch one of the most anticipated games of the season. You’ve only been to one Bengals game during your time in Cincinnati this year—which was a blast by the way! During that game, you were in the stands by the Bengals sideline with Macee, the two of you sitting with the fans. This time around though, you’ll be up in a suite with some of the wives and girlfriends of the players. You may be a little out of place up there, but at least you know you’ll still have a lot of fun.

Upon entering the suite, you noticed the variety off food and beverage options for you ladies on the tables. You would definitely be indulging in the chocolate covered strawberries tonight. You walked around the suite, deciding to set your purse and phone down on the seat next to Macee's before looking out at the field.

The first thing you noticed was that you had a great view of the game from the suite. As you looked out onto the field, the players were beginning to prepare for their pre-game warmups. Your eyes scanned the field, searching for Joe. A small appeared on your face as you saw him throwing the ball back and forth on the sideline. After he threw the ball for the third time, he adjusted his pads, pulling at his jersey to make sure things weren't too tight. You think it's extremely attractive when players hold their jerseys at the collar. As the pre-game warm ups continued, you couldn’t seem to peel your eyes away from Joe. You told yourself you’d look elsewhere when the game actually starts

But you were definitely wrong...

~time skip~

There was about five minutes left in the third quarter, the Bengals were down one point with the score being 10-9. You all watched anxiously as the Bengals were at the one yard line. Joe yelled his cadence and snapped the ball. Once the ball was in his hands he rushed into the end zone with ease. The stadium went absolutely crazy. You and the girls cheered, each of you giving each other high fives. The Bengals went for two and succeeded, Joe completing a pass to Tee, putting the score in the Bengals favor now.

You smiled happily as you watched Joe celebrate with his teammates before taking his helmet off and jogging to the sidelines. Joe had a wide grin on his face, looking happier than ever in that moment. But really, Joe's looked like that this whole game.

You’re going to be honest. Since kickoff, you haven't been able to take your eyes off of him. Even when he's on the sidelines and especially when he's out on that field, all I can focus on is him. All you can think about is the way his face and corners of eyes crinkle when he smiles, or the way he throws that football with such grace and ease. How his dark blonde hair still looks perfect when he takes that helmet off and how his blue eyes light up when a good play happens. Your smile grew and your eyes sparkled as you brought your attention back to Joe on the sidelines. You couldn't focus on the game anymore as your mind was currently elsewhere. Memories of the past few months of living with Joe flooding into your mind...

flashbacks begin...(you are in love by taylor swift starts playing)

You looked up from the paper as you walked up the small flight of stairs that led you to the B apartments. You walked down the hallway and stopped at the door reading B30. You pulled your key out from your purse, but stopped as soon as you brought it up to the door. This was your apartment now too, yes, but I you couldn't just walk in like you’ve lived there forever. You may be a little crazy sometimes, but you do have manners. You didn't want to make a bad impression on the first day of meeting your new roommate. You brought your hand up to the gray door and knocked three times. You backed up from the door, gulping as you took a step back. You were starting to grow nervous.

The door opened and your jaw dropped. The sight in front of you had you feeling all sorts of things all at once.

"Hi." you breathed out.

"Oh. Hey there, sweetheart."

Standing in the door way of your new home was Joe Burrow.

He smirked, "I don't make people speechless that often, but when I do it's usually not in this setting."

"I-I'm sorry," you stuttered out breathlessly, "It's not everyday you come face to face with an NFL player."

He smiled at your words.

"Are you Kayla's boyfriend?" you asked.

Joe's eyes widened, "Kayla, as in Kayla Bradshaw?"

You nodded. He shook his head with a chuckle, "Nope. Kayla's fiancé Brad would have me dead."

You felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment from him just speaking to you. You couldn't believe you were talking to the Joe Burrow.

"Well, I think I have the wrong apartment."

He chuckled, "Let me see. Maybe I can direct you in the right direction."

You pulled out the paper Carol gave to you yesterday, handing it to Joe. His bright blue eyes scanned the page. His eyebrows suddenly furrowed together in confusion.

Joe cleared his throat, "Huh."

You frowned, looking up at him. "What?"

"You have the right one."

Your eyes widened, "So, that means-."

He cut me off, asking in an incredulous tone, "You're my new roommate!?"

next flashback

"Hi?"

Joe pointed at you, "You're wearing a Bengals sweatshirt."

You hummed, pulling more pieces of hair out to style, "Oh really? I didn't notice."

Joe rolled his eyes, adjusting the sleeves to his floral suit. You couldn't help but examine his outfit choice for tonight's game against the Miami Dolphins. He wore a black suit that had large white roses all over.

You cant deny that Joe looks hot as hell in that suit.

You and Joe may not be too fond of each other, but you’d be lying if you said he wasn't fine as hell

"You didn't tell me you're going to the game tonight?"

You shrugged, "Didn't think you'd care."

"I'm not that much of a dick, Y/n."

You unplugged your flat iron and looked at Joe through the mirror. His baby blue eyes shining as he looked back at you. You could feel the slightest hint of a blush rise to my cheeks.

"Well," you said, "I didn't want to boost that ego of yours. Make you think I'm going only to watch you play."

He let out a short laugh, "You really think I'd think you're only going to watch me?"

"Maybe.”

"Whatever. Well I gotta go, have fun watching me from the stands tonight. I know those pretty y/e/c eyes are only going to stay on me, sweets." He teased with a smirk.

You looked up at him with an unamused look, which made him chuckle.

"Good luck." you said, giving him a small smile.

"Thanks. Have fun."

You smiled, "I will."

...

"Wait a minute."

Joe raised his eyebrows. Macee continued, "During the game, when you were walking down the sidelines and gazing up into the crowd, it was Y/n that you were eyeing wasn't it?"

You looked up at Joe, seeing a faint blush make its way onto his cheeks.

"Maybe."

Logan laughed, "Oh he totally has the hots for her."

Joe shook his head and laughed, "Yeah right," he looked down at you as he spoke, "She was looking at me first."

next flashback

Joe placed the lantern down in the middle of coffee table and looked at you, "There, now I can see that beautiful fa- light."

You looked at Joe with raised eyebrows as he stood by the couch rubbing the back of his neck. It almost sounded like he was going to say face and not light...but who knows, you figure you’re probably just hearing things.

"Well, I think I'm going to try to get some sleep. Good night Y/n."

He started to walk away, getting ready to walk into his bedroom when you xalled out to him.

"Joe?"

He stopped and turned around, "Yeah?"

"Stay? Please, I don't really want to be alone right now." you said softly as a blush made it's way onto your cheeks.

Joe slowly nodded and smiled softly at you, “Okay. Let me grab a sweatshirt first."

He disappeared into his room and a few minutes later came back into the living room wearing his pink nike sweatshirt and carrying a gray blanket. He plopped down on the couch and draped the blanket over his legs. As the two of you sat in silence for a few moments, the storm continued. The rain grew heavier and the thunder more frequent. Joe noticed you had started to get tense.

He cleared his throat, "You know, we've lived together for almost two months now and I feel like I don't know you."

It's true. The two of you have been living together for a few months now, but neither of you have taken the chance the get to know the other. You weren't on good terms for a little while, but you like to think both of you have started to warm up to each other. You know you have to get to know each other at some point if you’re going to live together for the next seven or eight months. Now would be the perfect time to do that.

"What do you wanna know?" you asked, tucking your legs up onto the chair.

next flashback

Y/n,

I'm sorry about earlier. I was in the wrong and I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did. I want you to be happy, so if being with Evan is what makes you happy, then so be it. I hope you can forgive me...maybe this will make accepting my apology a bit easier ;)

P.S. check the back of this note too.

- Joe

You turned the note around and saw more handwriting.

Movie night? I heard How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is pretty good...

Your heart dropped to your stomach. You were overcome with a feeling of guilt as you read the note.

Joe wasn't having a movie night with Ja'Marr...he was hoping to have a movie night with you. As a way to apologize for earlier. You set the note down on the counter, covering your mouth with your hand as a look of guilt took over your face.

Im such a terrible person. If I would have just stayed for a few more minutes and didn't go on that date with Evan, I wouldn't feel this guilty. You thought to yourself. You pulled the containers out of the bag, feeling even more guilty as you looked at the contents.

Bar food. Your favorite kind of takeout.

Joe bought your favorite takeout for you and you didn't even get to enjoy it with him.

...

"Night Joe." you said softly as he walked out of the kitchen and to his bedroom. You sighed and looked out into the living room, seeing the Tv was still playing How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. You stepped out of the kitchen and looked down the hall, calling out for Joe before he went into his room for the night. He stopped by his door, turning around and leaning against the frame as he looked at you.

"Maybe tomorrow night we could heat up takeout and watch the movie?"

Joe smiled, "Sounds good to me, sweets." He walked into his room and shut the door behind him.

Your breath hitched at the name. Sweets. That's what Joe has been calling you since the first day you met. I You think he started saying it as a way to flirt with you, but of course, he's not doing that anymore. The name has just stuck.

You smiled to yourself as you stood alone in the hallway.

Tonight was very bittersweet. You’re a little disappointed with how your date with Evan went, but you’re also so glad you and Joe were able to move past the argument you had earlier.

next flashback

You turned around, both of your breaths hitching. Your mouth hung open slightly as your eyes momentarily fell to Joe's lips before snapping back up to stare into his eyes. You stared at each other intensely, so many unspoken words shared between the two of you just by the look in your eyes. You could feel the tension between you as neither of you nor Joe dared to make a move.

Your bodies were inches from each other, if one of you just moved slightly, they'd be touching. Joe watched as you took a deep breath before you began to lean in, Joe doing the same. With your faces inches away from eachother, you closed your eyes-

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

You snapped your eyes open and the two of you backed away from each other. Joe cleared his throat and you let out a breath, smoothing your night gown before you got the pizza out the oven.

"Sorry," you breathed out, "I uh-."

"I'm going to shower." Joe said, his lips forming in a straight line.

You nodded, "I'm going to call Macee back."

You had a chance and didn't take it.

next flashback

"What's in that bag?" you asked pointing at the plastic bag on the couch. Joe walked over to the couch and picked it up, motioning for you to come over. You set the bag of marshmallows down on the counter and walked over to where he was standing. He pulled out two white stockings, holding them out in front of him.

One stocking had a red J while the other had a red y/f/i.

He bought stockings with both of your initials on them. You smiled in shock, not expecting him to do something like that.

He looked down at the stockings and then back at you. A slight blush on his cheeks as he spoke, "They were on sale and I figured you'd like them. Afterall, you said it yourself, it's not Christmas without stockings."

Your smile grew bigger at his words. You did say that to him earlier.

"I love them Joe. Thank you for getting them."

He smiled, "Of course. I'm glad you like them." He handed the stockings to you and followed you over to in front of the Tv where you hung them up on each side of the white Tv stand.

You and Joe stepped back, looking at the stockings.

"They look perfect." you said, smiling as you admired the matching stockings.

"Yeah they do." Joe said quietly as he gazed down at you.

...

Joe walked into the apartment, closing the door behind him and dropping his bags to the floor. He turned around, the light from the Christmas tree illuminating his face. A dark blonde curl had fallen against his forehead and he had bags under his tired blue eyes, clearly exhausted from the game and his flight home.

"Hey Y/n." He greeted, a small smile on his face as he saw you.

You ran up to Joe, instantly wrapping your arms around his body. He seemed taken aback at first, but he eventually hugged back, pulling you close to his body. Your hands rested on his shoulder blades as his were wrapped firmly around your waist. He laid his cheek on the top of your head as you let your right cheek lay against his firm chest. After a few moments, you pulled away from him and looked up at him, smiling softly.

"I'm glad you're home."

"I'm glad I'm home too." He said, voice just above a whisper, "I didn't think we were going to make it in time."

"Well I'm glad you did."

You and Joe stood in silence, one of his hands still placed gently on your waist. You looked into each others eyes, his blue eyed gaze intense. You gulped as you looked into his eyes. You reached out for his hand, holding it in yours as both of you started to lean in close to each other. It was definitely a heat of the moment type of thing...

next flashback

Joe cleared his throat before saying, "Can we talk?"

You nodded, "Yeah, I'd like that."

Joe just nodded and you both walked down the hallway to the dining and living room. He set the tray down on the table and pulled the chair out, motioning for you to sit down. You thanked him quietly before sitting down. You pushed the chair in as Joe sat down across from You. You picked up the coffee cup and took a sip. A small smile pulled at your lips as you tasted the hot liquid. It was prepared just how you like it.

"Is it OK?" Joe asked, looking at you hesitantly.

You nodded, "Perfect."

"Good," he said, softly.

...

You sighed and nodded your head slowly. It was true, although you thought Jake was sweet and you did really like him, you knew he had two different sides to him. You cant say the real reason you stayed with Jake. Anyone would think you’re crazy for thinking being with Jake would make someone jealous...

Joe continued, "So I knew I had to do something. I couldn't just talk to him, so I scared him off. Made him think I was in love with you or something."

You smiled softly and let out a faint laugh at his words. Your reaction made Joe chuckle.

"I'm a little hurt," you said. Joe nodded in response as you continued talking, "but I see why you did it. You were just looking out for me, and I really appreciate that."

Joe smiled, "Anything for you Y/n. I want the best for you, really."

You felt your face flush and your heart sink to your stomach—in a good way. In a butterflies in your tummy kind of way. Something you’ve always felt around Joe, but decided to ignore.

You smiled, your voice soft, "Thank you Joe."

Joe nodded and stood up from his chair, slowly walking over to your side of the table. You stood from your chair and met him halfway, wrapping your arms around him. He squeezed gently before pulling away and looking down at you with a soft gaze.

"Are we good?" He asked, genuinely.

You nodded, "Yeah, we're good."

He smiled, "Good. I'm glad."

...

"Oh and Y/n?"

You turned around, "Yeah?"

"Our game is home tomorrow. I've got a couple tickets, and I'd love it if you were there." He smiled softly at you before he turned back around and left, locking the door behind him.

There were those butterflies again. You couldn't help the blush that rose to your cheeks and the smile that appeared on your face as he said those words.

end of flashbacks

You have had your ups and downs with Joe these last few months. A lot has happened while you’ve lived together, but without a doubt you wouldn't change any of it for the world. As you cleared your mind and focused on the game, your heart swelled as you were overwhelmed with emotions. A blush rose to your cheeks as the butterflies in your tummy began to swarm like crazy once again.

There was no denying it anymore. As much as you want to, you cant deny your feelings anymore.

You are in love with Joe.

hi loves!

the ending was kind of rushed, so sorry about that, BUT

You are in love with joe! isn't that just so sweet? it's about time you quit denying your feelings for him, haha

well, the slow-burn portion of this book has come to an end, and i know MANY are going to be very happy about that, i know i am! i don't want to give too much away, but after this next chapter, the final seven or so chapters left of this book won't have any slow-burn to them

ALSO! you've been asking for it, you’ve been waiting for it, it's what we all want to see...the next chapter is smut. i’ve written it one other time before this, so don’t get your hopes up lol

that's all i have for now loves! as always, thank you for reading🤍

tags: @jackharloww @ilovejoeburroww @dandelionwrites8 @ijustcrypretty @sinners-98-world @a-moment-captured @stainednailpolishremover @spooky-stoner @xoxokiaraaxoxo @kkrenae

[hemmohaze]

The One With The Wedding

Word Count: 1,000+

Warnings: Smut and Cursing

January 2020

Gabriella looked at herself in the full length mirror the hotel had provided her in the luxurious suite.

Her older cousin, Katherine was finally getting married today. She's already had her fair share of tears the past week they've been in The Dominican Republic where the wedding was being held.

She turned around and looked at the off the shoulder bridesmaid cream dress and cringed a little at her tattoo sticking out like a sore thumb.

"I really hope my aunt isn’t too upset about this." She thought to herself.

She continued to examine her outfit and makeup until she felt a familiar pair of hands on her waist stopping her mid spin.

"You look so beautiful Ella." Luke's voice softly whispered to her as they stared at their reflections in the mirror.

"You don't look too bad yourself. You clean up nicely." She turned around in his arms and pecked his lips. They've officially got a label on their relationship as of 2 months ago. Even though only their families and his bandmates know.  Everyone else on the internet has been too busy to even notice. They just think they’re really good friends.

Spending New Years and Christmas together was everything to Gabriella.

Even though his fans appreciate her for new Luke content she posts whenever she uploads her monthly photo dumps on Instagram.

She invited him to her cousin’s wedding as her plus one. One to sort of hard launch her relationship to distant family members and two so her aunts can stop asking her if and when she's going to get a boyfriend and start popping out kids.

"What the fuck are you staring at you weirdo." She asked as he had this dumb struck blank stare on his face.

"What? I can't stare at my sexy girlfriend? Who obviously wants to send me to an early grave." He whined slightly as his hands ran over her chest.

She smirked a little knowing what he was talking about. The dress had weird lines on it whenever she wore a bra so she decided to go braless.

"I dunno what you're talking about." She stated, feigning innocence as she over to the vanity to pretend fix her hair with Luke groaning behind her. 

"Are you sure you're ready to meet all of my family at this wedding? They go on party much all night.” She asked.

"If I can handle my life touring for 5 years straight, I can handle anything." He confidently said.

She got up wordlessly and fixed his crooked tie and straightened out his tuxedo.

"It's now or never then rockstar."

———————-

Luke and Gabriella walked into the makeshift chapel as she greeted everyone from her family to some of the grooms family. The amount of hands shes shaken has her concerned.

Luke found Gabriella’s mom, Mia and sat down with her as she stood at the alter with the rest of the bridesmaids.

Gabriella zoned off for a while somewhere during the vows until she blinked a couple times to see Luke nodding off as her mother rubbed his shoulder affectionally trying to keep the blonde awake.

"Ella go it’s your turn." One of the bridesmaids tapped her shoulder. She was too busy looking at Luke and her mom to notice it was her turn to leave the chapel.

"Oops my bad." She quickly walked down the aisle, quickly linking her arm with the best man as they made it down the steps to the beachfront where they'd all be taking pictures.

Katherine finally arrived as Gabriella ran up to her newly married cousin. "Oh my gosh!! You're like married now." She gushed.

"I know right. I'm surprised your dad and mine aren’t loosing their shit right now." Katherine giggled.

The sun was setting creating beautiful pink and orange hues for pictures. Gabriella took some with just Katherine, some with her family, some with the wedding party, and of course some with Luke.

Their poses ranged from one with them back to back with finger guns to the classic one where he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and held her close.

She watched him as he changed his phone background from a picture of Gabriella and Petunia to one they just took.

“Who’s that cause she’s really hot.”

————-

After pictures it was finally time for the reception.

Gabriella and Luke sat with her family as Luke helped her 6 year old cousin, Hailey color in her coloring book. All while Gabriella talked with her mother.

"So Luke, I heard from Ella here that your band is working on an album right now" Her mother questioned him.

"Yes, we're actually almost done. It should be out in late March of this year." He smiled proudly and took a sip of his tequila while continuing to color with Hailey.

"Oh my sweetie that sounds amazing! You have got to let us know when the official date is. I’ll stream it or whatever you kids do nowadays.” Mia told him as Gabriella raised her eyes from her baked potato that she was stuffing her face with.

" Auntie Gabby. The food isn't going anywhere." Hailey grimaced.

"Sorry, I'm just really hungry." She said, quite embarrassed.

Luke and Hailey were whispering about something between the two as Gabriella looked up.

“Mommy,” Hailey tugged on her mom, Ana’s sleeve. “Can I get ice cream now??” She pulled her best puppy eyes.

Ana sighed and looked at Luke. “Could you take her??”

He nodded and got up so he could hold onto her hand and led her to the ice cream machine.

Gabriella looked at the two and smiled at Luke being so gentle with her niece.

“He obviously makes you happy darling.” Mia’s voice interrupted her daydream.

She flinched a little bit. “Mom, we’re just starting in our relationship. We just moved past the awkward sleepovers stage last night.” She groaned a little, remembering how uncomfortable she slept in worry that she would snore and disturb his sleep.

“The eyes never lie. Have you seen the way he looks at you or even the way you look at him?”

“Ok ma.” She said as the two arrived back at the table with ice cream.

“I got you some vanilla, since they didn’t have any mint chocolate chip.” Luke said as he placed the dessert in front of her face.

————————

Soon enough the reception was over as Luke carried Gabriella bridal style to their shared hotel room. Their light giggles from Luke almost dropping her for the 3rd time rang through the hall.

Once they reached the room he sat her down on the floor softly. Once on the ground she went to a beeline to the mirror so she could take the dress off without getting makeup on it. Only thing is, she couldn’t get the zipper off.

She huffed in annoyance and knocked on the bathroom door. He opened the door, revealing him without a shirt.

“Could you unbutton my dress. I don’t wanna get makeup all over it.” She turned her back to him.

He fiddled with the button until he tapped her shoulder. “You’re all good now.”

She let the dress pool around her ankles as she hung it up on the hanger, He turned her around towards him swaying them slightly.

“Was your first wedding with your girlfriend just as you expected?” She asked him.

“It was better than I expected.” He responded.

They stood like this for a while until Luke’s lips crashed against hers. She let out a surprised squeal but melted into his touch. Their kiss was slow and passionate. All they wanted was to be close with one another.

He started kissing down her neck leaving little love-bites on her neck that she’ll definitely have to cover up with makeup in the morning.

He hoisted her up and gently laid her on their shared hotel bed. He kissed down every tattoo and birthmark until he squatted down.

He was face to face with her pink lace panties that she got from Victoria’s Secret a couple weeks ago.

“You rip these, you be on the hunt for a new girlfriend. They were expensive. ” She warned him.

He quirked an eyebrow at her, “You really wanna say that as soon as I’m about to eat you out.”

Gabriella rolled her eyes and went to say another remark until she felt his thumb on the outside her panties her and rubbed her clit through it. She let out a soft moan at this action.

“May I?” Luke asked her, toying with the ribbon. She nodded earnestly.

She jutted her hips up so he could slide her panties down her slim legs. He situated himself in front of her glistening core.

“Aw who caused all this lovie?” Luke asked. He continued to kiss her flower tattoo on her hip until he placed soft kisses on the insides of her thighs.

“You did Lu,” She groaned gripping onto his blond curls tightly.

“Damn right I did.”

“Luke..” She mindlessly cried, jutting her hips in his face.

“What baby? You gotta be more vocal than this.” He teased his pointer finger against her folds. “Whadda want? My mouth, fingers, both?”

“Both please I’m begging you.” She gripped his curls pulling him closer to her heat for some sort of relief.

She let out a gasp of pleasure when Luke finally sucked her clit lightly.

Her breathing picked up as she sat up on her elbows to look at Luke, already looking at her through hooded eyes, as he ate her out like it was his last meal. His nose brushing against her clit everytime he shook his head slightly.

It’s probably the hottest thing she’s ever seen in her life.

“That feel good pretty girl?” He asked her huskily.

“Oh my y-yes.” She sobbed in pleasure.

He sticks his longest finger in her dripping heat as she lets out a groan at the action. “Fuck your so tight.”

Gabriella felt her orgasm creeping up as she tightly gripped his blonde curls in her hand.

“Oh fuck Luke. I’m gonna cum.” She panted as he curled his finger in her, hitting her sweet spot and continued his assault on her clit.

“I know. I know. C’mon lovie.” He encouraged.

Her orgasm hit her like a train. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” She moaned out, possibly knowing that the people next door could know what they’re doing she just didn’t care in that moment.

Luke chuckled more so to himself as he licked her clean with his mouth as he knew she was gonna need a minute to come down from her high.

He got up from his knees ignoring the loud crack in his and laid his head on top of Gabriella’s chest as she was looking down at him with adoration.

“I’ve ever had an orgasm that good before, even with my vibrator and that thing is hell.” She wrapped her legs around his back.

“Good. Because you taste fucking delicious. I could be in between your legs all day.” He said before his breathing evened out and he fell asleep, her doing the same.

[jamiemaybeme]

Doing This Again by Bears In Trees: An Unnecessarily Deep Analysis by me

( @bearsintreesofficial please if you only see one of my posts ever let it be this one i worked so hard 🥲)

i'm bored, and i want to yell about my hyperfixations on the internet, so have fun :D

(i will preface this by saying that it will be LONG. i wrote this in a notebook and initially i was going to just upload a photo, but my annotations are too small to be seen on camera. make of that what you will.)

!!ALSO THIS IS IMPORTANT!!: these are my interpretations. i do not know if the band intended to communicate everything i've understood from this song (i expect they didn't actually), and it's perfectly valid for you to have different interpretations to me. it's encouraged.

also (sorry one last thing) i will refer to "the singer" like i would a poet, even though i know the singer didn't write the song. just roll with it.

okay now onto the actual analysis (below the cut off so people who don't want to read it don't have to scroll for ages). enjoy!!

verse one:

i hope to be happy, i hope to be calm

i hope to be somewhat content

the song begins with an expectation. the singer 'hopes' to be something, which is a goal for the future. the repetition adds to this. it shows the amount of expectations the singer has. it reads like the beginning of a new year, when one makes new year's resolutions. this comparison could imply the singer is unlikely to stick to these expectations, as people are infamous for only sticking with new year's resolutions during january. this sets up the mood of the song: the struggle of attempting to break free from old habits and the mundanity of life, and the frustration that comes with that.

however, the singer only hopes to be 'somewhat content'. the word 'somewhat' makes it clear the singer is trying to lower their expectations to be achievable. the word 'hope' is also not a guarantee. the singer does not know if they will feel the way they want to. it is a 'hope' they are holding onto, perhaps to help them keep going.

the word 'calm' directly contrasts the name of one of the band's previous eps, i want to feel chaotic, which features their most streamed song ramblings of a lunatic. the ep focuses on struggling to cope with trauma and turning to your friends in times of difficulties. this song is a step away from processing trauma, and instead focuses on day-to-day life. this contrast is shown through the choice of the word 'calm'.

(also there's the whole i wanna feel calm/i wanna feel chaotic comparison but that's not directly related so i'm ignoring it. maybe i'll post about it later 👀.)

verse one (continued):

every morning, i wake up

and think to myself, "oh God, we're doing this again!"

'every morning i wake up' is also repeated throughout the song as the first line of the chorus. the repetition combined with the hyperbole communicates the singer's frustration. they feel stuck in a loop, which the structure of the song shows us.

'"oh God"' can be interpreted in a few ways. (this is actually the main reason i decided to analyse this song specifically, because it felt like i had so much to say.) interpretation number one: it could, simply, be a blasphemous curse. a teenage rebellion against parents or school. (context: nick - who i'm 90% sure wrote this - went to a catholic secondary school with two of the others. i believe. i think those two were iain and callum.) it also could show how the singer is just like everyone else, as this is a common phrase. this adds to my previous point about being stuck in a loop, except now it includes other people. it makes the song feel more relatable. i feel like this one is more accurate to what the singer is trying to convey. and interpretation number two: however, it could also be read as a cry for help, to God. 'God' could be interpreted as anyone or anything, but in the context it's in, i'm assuming it is talking about God in christianity. it sets up the next verse nicely too.

verse two:

i hope i'll be resilient

i hope to be brave in the face of another family cancer

my mother cites a rosary downstairs

but Lord these blessed words fail me

first i'll talk about the religious imagery, linked to the last line of the previous verse.

'rosary', 'Lord' and 'blessed' are all directly related to religion, specifically catholicism (a branch of christianity if anyone is unaware). throughout most bears in trees songs, there runs a theme of religion, and with it religious trauma. a 'rosary' is, i believe, a string of beads which you move as you pray. (please bear in mind i do not follow catholicism so i am not sure how accurate this is. i could look it up but in all honesty if i stop writing rn idk if i'll continue.) the singer seems to be attempting to reach God, but is struggling due to some unseen reason. perhaps it is something they themselves are also unaware of.

the theme of 'hope' is once again repeated in this verse, carrying it on from verse one.

'another family cancer' talks about an awful event. we are not told whether it ends in tragedy (death), joy (being cancer free), or continues as an ongoing battle. this a) makes the song more relatable, as most people have known someone who's battled cancer, and b) may potentially mean the singer has not yet experienced this but is expecting to (expectations again). the word 'another' adds to the idea of being stuck in a loop. (if you're starting to notice a pattern: congratulations! you've cracked the code.)

the word 'downstairs' shows separation between the singer's mother and themself (is it themselves or themself i can't work it out?), but could also be a metaphor for the distance the singer feels from God or even religion entirely. this is portrayed by having their mother praying at the same time the singer is struggling to connect with the words. the physical distance between the singer and their mother is a symbol of the metaphorical distance between the singer and God/catholicism.

the verse ends with the phrase 'fail me'. in the context of the analysis, it seems they are either struggling to turn to God for help, or do not feel God is helping. however, they may believe God is the one failing them. it can be extremely difficult to pray to someone or something that you can't see, especially when there doesn't seem to be a response. they either believe they are failing God because they can't communicate properly, or God is failing them because there has been no (obvious) response. alternatively, if we take it in the context of the song it could show how the singer is struggling to live up to the expectations (🙃) set by themself or others, and feel like a failure. (i will admit, this one is a little bit of a stretch. but it's analysis, everything's a stretch 🤷.)

pre-chorus? (i don't think it is but idk what else to call it so w/e):

i just wanna welcome all the broken people

the juxtaposition (i love that word) of 'just' and 'all' really communicates the singer's expectations of themself. they are under playing welcoming everyone into some sort of family or home, by specifying 'just' the 'broken people'. however, everyone is 'broken' in some way or another, so the singer's desire to accept the 'broken' people essentially encompasses the whole world. this is a high expectation. it is quite literally impossible. yet the singer seems to believe they should be able to to do it, as the word 'just' makes it sound easy. potentially they haven't fully considered the situation.

the word 'welcome' could have biblical connotations. Jesus was all about welcoming people, even those on the outside of society, the 'broken people', some might even say. (some being me. i'm saying that.) the singer seems to be attempting to fulfil the role of God in their life within which God is not present - either by their choice or by their interpretation.

chorus:

every morning i wake up, and i drink my silly little oak milk coffee

and i text my silly little texts, and my phone's still on autocorrect

just going to briefly remind you of the repetition of 'every morning i wake up' continued from the last line of verse one. okay that's it.

the singer decribes their interests as 'silly little' things. it's sung twice per chorus, which shows it's not just one aspect of their life. this could be read as a dismissal of their interests, but could equally be seen as them embracing their interests being seen as 'silly'. they are claiming their interests with the personal pronoun 'my'. this could show how they're not ashamed of the things they like.

chorus (continued):

so i gotta backspace, take my caps out

'cause i'm too lazy to change the settings, too hazy to hum myself to sleep

oh my God, we're doing this again

once again there's the idea of expectations. the modal 'gotta' shows the singer feels like they must do things they have decided to (in this instance type in all lower case, something that is considered trivial and unimportant).

the singer is aware of the fact they might be perceived as 'lazy'. this might be because they genuinely are lazy, or it could be a sign they are struggling, potentially with a mental illness or being burnt out.

they decribe themself as 'hazy', which implies they are disorientated or overwhelmed.

the pronoun 'my' has been added to the last line compared to the first verse. this makes it closer to blasphemy than a cry for help, but it still could be either.

the collective noun 'we're' addresses the audience directly, letting them know that they are not alone and the singer struggles with the same things they do (basically 🎶 we're all in this together! 🎶).

verse three:

i hope to be neurotic, go lucky

young upstart and plucky

there's the repetition of 'i hope' in this verse once again, but it's only in this verse once. this could show the singer either losing hope or struggling to keep up with all their expectations. (i know it's almost certainly for timing reasons but i didn't title this over analysing for no reason.)

(psa: this paragraph is almost entirely irrelevant i just wanted to rant about psychology) neuroticism is one of the three personality traits in eysenck's criminal personality theory. it is a trait that measures how anxious an individual is. the theory states that criminal behaviour is fixed from birth, and is mostly affected by biological factors. it theorises people are born with the urge to commit criminal acts. the other two traits featured in this theory are extraversion (how out-going an individual is) and psychoticism (how aggressive and impulsive an individual is). there was also a study done by heaven in 1996 based on this theory, but he did not measure neuroticism as he felt that would have been too hard (instead opting for self-esteem, which showed no correlation to criminality). none of this is particularly related, i just think it's cool and wanted to infodump :].

my gcse psychology textbook (this is pretty much the only time i've actually used it btw 😭) says about neuroticism that "people who score high on neuroticism are anxious, angry and prone to feeling guilt. at the opposite end is stability. stable people tend to be calm, even-tempered and not easily stressed. of course, it is possible to be in between these two extremes too." i'm not really sure what to think about this, but it's certainly interesting to think that the singer wants to feel/be this way. idk man i'm too tired to think about this too deeply.

'go lucky' is shortened from the phrase "happy go lucky". the lack of the word 'happy' shows the singer doesn't even have it in them to yearn for happiness, they just want to be anything other than apathetic.

I'VE JUST REALISED THAT THE FIRST LINE OF THIS VERSE CONTRASTS THE FIRST LINE OF VERSE ONE OMDS THIS IS CRAZY. the opposite of being 'neurotic' (i hope to be neurotic) is being 'calm' (i hope to be calm), and the word 'happy' (i hope to be happy) completes the phrase "happy 'go lucky'" (i hope to be..., go lucky).

verse three (continued):

anatomically correct beating heart of the party

and i could be your vena cava

pumping small talk between your trauma

while the red stains your new carpet

the specification of an 'anatomically correct heart' shows the singer's desire to not be artificial. it may also be a way to show they want to embrace a nerdier side of themself.

being the 'heart' or "life" 'of the party' means someone who is at the centre of the party. often the party properly gets started when they arrive, and ends when they leave. it is a common trope in teen films, which links back to the recurring theme of being stuck in a loop with everyone else.

the 'vena cava' is a vein (?) in the heart. i'm not really sure what it does but i have a biology exam in two days at the time of writing this (one day at the time of editing oh no) so i probably should. it might be an artery. either way, i THINK it carries blood away from the heart. whether it goes to the lungs or some other part of the body i am unsure. i should probably find that out soon. anyway.

the heart is a muscle that pumps blood - that is its function. the singer could be saying they want to be strong for their friend, or be crucial for them to live, much like the heart is. 'small talk' has replaced blood in their veins (metaphorically just in case that was unclear), showing how everyone else seems to live off of small talk. in 'i am cold', a song from the ep 'i see blue', the first two lines are 'don't talk about the weather / i wanna know what makes you sick'. in some interview or something somewhere either nick or iain (this is so specific ik) explains that this line means the singer wants to skip small talk and get straight to the deep things. this combined with this song makes the singer feel different to everyone else. they seem to be breaking the cycle but at the same time still contributing to it by helping their friend make small talk (it's 1am sorry if that made no sense).

in 'i wanna feel calm', a song from bears in trees' latest album 'how to build an ocean: instructions' which was also released as the second single out of four before the album, the first line is 'i try not to let my trauma do the talking but from time to time the "t"s add up'. this shows how the singer struggles not to trauma dump as a way of making conversation (relatable), but here they are helping their friend avoid doing the same thing by 'pumping small talk between their trauma'. alternatively, it could be that their friend is trauma dumping to a third party and the singer keeps interjecting (is that a word?? i thought it was but my keyboard didn't recognise it?) with 'small talk' to try and lighten the mood/distract from their friend.

the colour imagery choice is interesting, as 'red' has a lot of connotations. first and foremost is obviously blood based on the previous imagery used. it is also the colour of passion, whether that be passionate love, hate, anger or fear. it also signifies danger. the point is, passion is the opposite of apathy, which is the way the singer has seemed to portray their reaction in relation to the mundanity of life throughout the song so far.

however, whilst 'red' is more subjective, the word 'stains' has way more negative connotations than positive. a stain is generally unwanted, like a weed. it's a memory the singer it their friend wants to forget, but can't.

the 'new carpet' could refer to them trying to start afresh, the 'new carpet' being a new mindset. however, it very quickly gets stained showing the inevitably of life. alternatively, the singer could be referencing red wine- a red liquid which stains- or something similar, ie it could be literal.

(the chorus repeats here but i'm not repeating my analysis because there's literally no point [: )

bridge:

every sunrise, every street sign, every goodbye

every moonbeam, every fever dream

every sunrise, every street sign, every goodbye

every moonbeam, every fever dream

'every' is once again repeated here, but 10 times instead of 1 (20 in the whole bridge but 10 in each section i've split it into).

once again, it is a reminder of the inevitably of the existence of the mundane, everyday things of life. 'sunrises' and 'moonbeams' directly contrast, to show that the cycle happens all the time. these two things are also part of nature. they also happen everyday, whether you see them or not. 'street signs' are man made, but are still very common. 'goodbyes' are inevitable. for every hello there is a goodbye; they are unavoidable. they can be sad, they can be bittersweet, they can be happy (if you dislike the person enough). 'fever dreams' are uncontrollable. they happen while you are in a state that you cannot control, and are weird. this line feels like the singer is embracing the weird parts of life, even things they cannot control.

bridge (continued):

wouldn't you love to be happy? (every sunrise, every street sign, every goodbye)

wouldn't you love to go outside for a change? (every moonbeam, every fever dream)

and i don't mean in body (every sunrise, every street sign, every goodbye)

i mean embody, i mean embody (every moonbeam, every fever dream)

(note: this is pretty much where my notebook annotations end; i gave up and forgot about it. the rest is likely to be less coherent than the above, just a warning. okay back to it.)

the singer begins to directly question the audience here, addressing them like at the end of the choruses. however, they could be just using the audience to address themself. this is the final reference to expectations in the song, and now it's more of a wish than something that the singer feels they should be. "'wouldn't you love' to do these things? it would be amazing if i could, but i can't. i would love the ability to get myself together, but it feels impossible right now." this reminds me of the chorus of 'great heights' a song from both the album 'and everybody else smiled back' and one of three songs released earlier as singles. 'we'd reach such great heights / if we could just make our beds in the morning.' this is a reference explained by nick in a tiktok video somewhere to a sign he is entering a dissociative episode: he stops making his bed. this whole song ('doing this again') tackles the issue of mental illnesses and struggling to cope with the mundanity of life. the singer feels if they could just complete these simple tasks that seem so huge, bigger things would be so much easier to tackle. they feel if they can get out of their head, they could take over the world. but they can't take over the world without going outside. 'outside' could mean literally out their house, or could be outside their mind. (this is confirmed as being mental in the next two lines 'i don't mean in body, i mean embody'.)

the singer finally suggests 'a change' could be good. this is the first (and only) time in the song anything other than the "same old thing"™ is mentioned. they are trying to entice themself into wanting this by asking it as a question. this is a psychological trick often used on children - if you make someone think it was their own idea they are way more likely to do what you want them to do.

the word 'embody' crops up later in 'bart's bike', a song that wraps up how the years 2022 - 2023 (i believe. from what i've heard) felt, and reminisces on them. that would include this ep/song, which was released in november 2022. 'i know you meant embody / when you looked to the mountains, towering above us'. this callback shows how far the singer has come. either they are talking to themself in third person, or their friend is saying this. the friend may be someone who has helped the singer through the period of their life where they struggled with apathy. another song from this era is 'apathy is boring', which talks about rejecting apathy as a coping mechanism and embracing our emotions. 'the mountains' are symbolic of the tasks they've been talking about struggling with the whole song. the pronoun 'us' shows how the singer is not alone, and even though they still have struggles they don't have to face them alone. the parallels between this song and the 'how to stay shining' era shows the singer's improving mental health. the band have talked before about how they don't like dwelling on bad things that have happened, as good things happen too and it's important not to focus on all the wrong things. healing is a progress, and these two songs ('doing this again' and 'bart's bike') were released almost exactly a year apart ('bart's bike' was released on december 1st 2023. 'doing this again' was released on october 28th 2022, but 'every moonbeam every fever dream' (the full ep) was released on november 11th 2022.) this is both symbolic of a person healing over time and shows the band maturing/getting better over time. it's sweet and it's not unrealistically fast.

there's also the repetition of 'every sunrise...' here, which is just another example of the mundanity of everyday life.

(the chorus repeats one more time here)

outro:

every sunrise, every street sign, every goodbye (again)

every moonbeam every fever dream (again)

every sunrise, every street sign, every goodbye (again)

every moonbeam every fever dream (we're doing this again)

this is how the song ends. it feels bittersweet. the singer seems to have accepted their fate of continuously doing the same thing. the word 'again' is repeated 4 times in this section. the singer is focused on it now more than the rest of the song. (this probably means something but it's like 2am so ifk whay.) this is the last section of the song, but the singer is showing that their everyday life is not over. however, they may choose to find hope in this. we don't know, because the song ends much like the rest of it: with repetition symbolic of the middle of life.

the last line is 'we're doing this agin' which uses the pronoun 'we're' and also extends the phrase. the audience is left on the note that whilst the mundanity of life still repeats, it's easier when it's not just you. this relates to the 'bart's bike' line i referenced earlier, when the singer talks about mountains towering above 'us'. the use of collective pronouns throughout this song give hope to the audience. the song tells us that we are not alone, and there is hope to be found.

okay i've just fksihed writing this and it's like 2:15 am i'll edit it later i have an exam in <7 hourd i'm gonna fail yay :')

alright, 'nught :]

okay it's now 4.30pm and i've just finished editing. if you got this far, thank you so much. if you didn't, thank you anyway. i repeated myself so much in my analysis, but maybe that's to communicate meaning! (it's not but we can pretend it is.) i hope you enjoyed reading this. have a good timezone and please tell me if you want me to repeat this with another song. it might not be quite to this extent but i can try. (also i don't think i failed my english exam so that's good :D)

see you in the next one! (maybe. hopefully.) and go and stream how to build an ocean: instructions!!!

[andreabandrea]

last night i had a dream i was making this post about months so i had to make it real

january-- very solid month. i like cold weather and being able to take a night walk at 6 PM rather than 9 PM or later. i like how theres still a feeling of hope for the new year and people are still attempting to better themselves/follow resolutions.

february-- another banger. love valentines day (conceptually. i love pink and hearts and the concept of love. shaking my head to show i dont agree with consumerism) and same stuff about weather as january. february is also a short month, she knows not to overstay her welcome. but sometimes you get a special extra day on a leap year. keeps you on your toes.

march-- ehh. march is kind of like february and april's younger brother that kind of sucks. either a nothing month or one of the worst months you can have. ides of march or whatever but its kind of just the same 3 tumblr posts every year

april-- i like easter and the pastel colors and the chocolate (again) but the weather is either still nice or it's already like 80+ degrees and you have to just kill yourself.

may-- this one is good because it has my birthday and many friends' birthdays but that's the only thing holding it up. if i were god i would condense this one and june together just because it feels kind of redundant.

june-- pride is the only thing holding this otherwise shitty month up. see previous note. the weather is already hot and the mosquitoes will eat you alive.

july-- hell on earth. contains the worst day to be an american. if i could turn this month into a person i would beat them to death with my bare hands

august-- hell on earth part 2. this month secretly has 10,000 days in it. there is nothing good or fun that happens in august. at least 4th of july is considered a federal holiday so you might get a day off or an excuse to eat a burger or whatever but august has nothing. named after that roman dickhead too

september-- this one is barely better than august but i always cry with relief when it's september because august is over. labor day and 9/11 back to back combo.

october-- now this is a 9/10 month. in an ideal world you wouldnt have a single day over 60 degrees past october 1st. but whatever. your soul returns to your body in this month.

november-- also pretty good. thanksgiving has many issues and isnt everyones thing but its not fucking august.

december-- the undisputed king of months. do i even need to spell it out.

in conclusion when i become god the new calendar will look like this:

january (about 40 days), february, about 15 days of march and then that's it, april but we blotted out the sun, mayjune (20 days), september (11 days exactly), october, november, december, december part 2.

if you have any other opinion than me i will shriek extremely loudly so my precious ears cannot be sullied. thanks

[madbrake]

Updates and Things for 2024

Hi all! I had a few announcements I wanted to make for shop things/commissions so I wanted to compile them all here for the New Year. It's pretty long but I made the subtitles all big so you can skip around/skim however you want o7

Inprnt

Firstly, I finally opened an Inprnt store after dragging my feet for so long. I've been hesitant because I've heard people frequently have issues getting paid by them, so I may end up shutting it down if that becomes the case. BUT UNTIL THEN, Inprnt offers international shipping and paper options I don't have. Their prints are VERY nice quality but a little pricier because of that. If you'd like to support my work through buying prints and other items, Etsy is still my preferred shop, but I hope Inprnt will provide some nice alternative options for ya'll.

New Foil Prints and Sticker

Second, foil prints for Celestial and Church of the Owl have been added to my Etsy shop. I also added the bone bat sticker I made for the 13 Advent Calendar zine earlier this year. :)

Commissions

Thirdly, I plan to open commissions again on January 3rd, 2024. I'll have 2 ink/digital slots and 1 ornate slot open (I'll make a proper post when that's live). I updated my website to include pricing estimates and examples. I'm sorry the text is so huge, I didn't realize it would look like that and I'm a little too tired to fix it atm :(

Going Rogue (Quitting My Day Job)

Lastly, I'm excited to say that I'm going to be quitting my retail day job in late February 2024. Gonna give full time freelancing/conventions a go. I'm really grateful to everyone who has supported me for giving me this opportunity. Whatever comes of it, I'm just glad I've had this chance. I'm hoping to get a Patreon up and running as soon as I feel like I'm in a position to fulfill Patreon-style rewards, but I do currently have a ko-fi if you'd like to support me on there. At the end of the day, I hope I can make even more art and neat things for everyone and try something different. :)

Thanks so much for reading all this! Happy New Year all!

[magicratfingers]

Progress report ! ૮ ºﻌºა ✨ kind of a work-in-progress diary for myself. v indulgent.

intense world of dick terrifying - goin good! got a main character, some supporting characters, figuring out the big rivalry today. Gotta figure out a format. I was thinking of basing it off of the Day at the Airport book bc it's only about 11 spreads but there's a lot going on on each one. Could leave it a comic but I also want it to be printable hmm catnips cantrips chooseyer-by-mail test - learning a lot! the world-building has been reallllllly fun - like the kind of fun where you want to go a little deeper bc you like it not bc you have to. perfect situation. Gotta resolve the mix between the DM roleplay and the actual postcards. Made and branded a whole gmail account and character to handle lost postcards - Pizza Kentucky III of the Isekai Post Office. Haven't been keeping up with the blog. But the blog is supposed to be more of a holding container than a 'thing'. One thing I did not expect to be learning was spreadsheets. Keeping track of names and addresses and choices and paths has given me a new perspective on pacing and structure. Also? Been a great excuse to finally play with UV epoxy and it's so straightforward that I'm mad it took me so long. media thats not just webcomics - dunmeshi is out!!! Laios my beloved. Still afraid to find and read Kotteri's Veil bc it will make me too feelings. Started reading books I loved as a kid (Redwall!!!) and some story craft books (found an NPR list somewhere) WRHP s2 - started to feel like work but changing up the backgrounds freed me up, feels fun again Sorcerer comic - paused while I wait for fashion inspiration to pull the ending together Emotional support paladin - paused till I feel like it. It's got such a specific delivery style that I don't wanna force to get the story out, so i gotta wait for some story aspects to firm up Bonnie & Clawd - more of a character study than a comic - fun to practice cutie pies cuddling. But... how DO birds and wolves smooch. Saw a youtube video about how ravens and wolves are friends and work together. So perfect. Valentines day thing - got some supplies coming tomorrow, gonna try out my idea. If it works maybe sell it? If it doesn't work, oh well, probably will learn something. Wanted to make perforated cards and stickers but got a little overwhelmed thinking about printing. Might just do a digital thing if an idea comes to me. Been wanting to make holographic stickers but when I sit down to think of a motif it feels stressful. Maybe I just test the Poodle Broadcasting System logo? I've always loved the aesthetic of valentines day but never felt like it's been delivered right. I certainly never felt indulged - something is always a little not-cute or too-cutesy. Think it could be really fun to have it be an annual 'surprise box'. I lost my halloween fam in the schmivorce so I could use a holiday to go crazy on. (For years I would drive out and help build a whole haunted house in a garage and it was like a week-long party with great food and movies and laughs. Sad to lose it, sadder still to know it was so easy for them to lose me. ) Dishupon - ok not as many players and responses as I'd hoped. But that wasn't really the point. Point was to invent some sanrio-y characters for fun - which i did. And I will also say that the exercise of coming up with a variety of cozy, fun, silly, spicy ways to think about dishes has made MY dishes mostly effortless. Even made a little foam clay Tiger coach and he's sitting on the window above the sink. Perhaps I will think of a game to get my car inspection done.

Overall January is great. Granted, it's the 4th. Had my ten year work anniversary (idk how old everyone thinks I am but it's Not 20) and got to 1010 followers on twitter on the same day. And the new d20 is out on the 10th so that felt real nice and square. Bit worried that all the good vibes I built up over holiday vacay will get smashed when I'm put on a new work project. But i feel like I'm about to level up a little bit art-style wise. Feelin grateful, feelin warm & cozy

[bizarrequazar]

2022 Candy Year In Review

As a way to cap off the year, I thought it would be nice to go over all the LLD candy from 2022! There were a ton of little ones (read: kadians, matching clothing, possible hickies, sunset photos, etc.), so this will just be focusing on the larger notable ones. They’re all dated and in chronological order, because I’m me.

Remember to take these with a grain of salt. Enjoy~

January 23rd → Gong Jun’s studio Weibo posted his 2021 year in review video, completely leaving out August despite him having had two livestreams, a song release, and a reality show air during that month.

January 29th → Gong Jun posted a commercial for KFC to his Douyin where he rips dates off a calender that has 1 and 5 missing. (No one talks about this one but it’s one of my favourites. 🥺💕)

February 14th → Gong Jun posted a commercial to his Weibo at 11:29, then posted two photos of himself to Weibo at 13:14 (kadian for “forever”), then posted the same to his Instagram at 13:15, using the kadians to make the sequence “Gong Jun forever Zhang Zhehan”. The photos had been taken at Xiao Yu Hill in Qingdao at almost the exact location that Zhehan had taken photos at in 2018.

His Weibo post had the caption “Happy Valentine’s Day [11 husky emojis]”, the same caption he had used in 2021. Some people noted that “Zhang Zhehan” is eleven letters long, and interpreted the use of the same caption as a way of saying that nothing has changed.

March 5 → Gong Jun posted a vlog with Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran as one of the BGM, a song about a couple eloping during the Northern Ireland conflict. Fans found that one of the top comments on the song on Netease is “When China allows homosexuals to get married, I will play this song at our wedding,” and the song has widely been adopted by the gay community for its message of marrying and growing old together despite societal rules.

April 26th → (Purely rumor, take with a full spoon of salt.) Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan were supposedly seen together at the entrance to the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Beijing. Reportedly they saw someone take photos and Zhehan stepped forward to pay the person off, only for Gong Jun to stop him and say to the photographer, “Do whatever you want.” The following day was Zhehan’s lunar birthday.

May 6th → (Instagram cw) Guo Yunfei, the casting director and actor of Duan Pengju from Word of Honor, posted a photo of himself making the LLD handsign with the caption, “I hope the ‘waves’ (浪花, langhua) like it. I know what happened recently, but what can I say or do? … I hope everyone can be sincere and kind, have a safe future, and live up to your friendship.” This was the day after the Instagram was deactivated.

May 11th → Zhehan’s birthday. The post count on Gong Jun’s Weibo went up by two despite nothing new appearing, indicating that he had posted privately.

May 17th → (Again, purely rumor.) Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan were supposedly seen together near Liangma Bridge in Beijing’s Chaoyang district. According to this one, Gong Jun asked the fans who photographed them to delete the photos and they willingly complied.

May 20th → Kangshifu released a mini-movie for 520 starring Gong Jun and an actress who looked strikingly like Zhang Zhehan, including a scene where she wore an outfit almost identical to one Zhehan wore during his 2021 birthday concert. The film included drawn illustrations of the two lead characters, one of which was found to have been directly traced from a photo of Zhehan from the Word of Honor concert. One of the lines included on the teasers leading up to the release was “I didn’t hide you away properly. It’s apparent in every drawing of mine.”

May 23rd → Gong Jun posted photos from a photoshoot for L’Officiel magazine to his Weibo—completely innocuous until people discovered that the caption, “✈✈✈～​​ ”, auto-translated to “对对～​​ 我爱你～ ​​ (Yes yes~ I love you~)” in the international app. This was later confirmed to have been an intentional Easter egg. Interpret it as you will~

June 9th → Gong Jun posted cooking photos from when he had been visiting his family during the previous month. It was noticed that there was one more set of chopsticks than there should have been if it was only his family. As well, it can be seen that Gong Jun was cooking the cilantro separately from the rest of the dish—Zhehan is known to not like cilantro. June 9th is May 11th on the lunar calendar.

(There were so many little things throughout May and June, you could tell Gong Jun was giving Xie and co. the middle finger. A thread I made of all the ones I’m aware of can be found [here].)

August 1st → (slight knives in this one) BEAST posted an article to their WeChat about their Qixi product line, in which they included the lines “Remembering that we couldn’t spend the previous Qixi together as we were at different places I even secretly childishly cried, and was angry at him. He promised that he’ll give me a surprise next Qixi.” and “Love is separated by the mountains and seas / The mountains and seas can be flattened”. The latter was written on a banner Zhehan had recieved from a fan during the Word of Honor concert; Qixi 2021 was August 14th.

September 5th → VogueFilm released an interview Gong Jun had done with them where he talked about his morning routine, wherein he said, “If you have a problem with your knees, don’t do running, cycling, etc. Even though they seem easy, if you don’t master the technique well, it will actually affect your knees” Photos of his food included a jianbing, which a few weeks earlier he had said his “ahyi” made for him, as well as eggs prepared in a way unique to Jiangxi.

October 14th to 20th → Gong Jun stopped having an umbrella shield him from photographers while going to work and took full advantage of it by wearing clothing associated with Zhehan for the next several days. Details can be found in my post for that week, look for the 🍬 emojis.

November 2nd → During a livestream for Hsu Fu Chi, Gong Jun mentioned multiple of his other endorsements and at one point walked off set to grab his LockNLock thermos, which he then drank from on camera for exactly five seconds while the host was made to wait. On the same day, his studio posted a douyin with the song 隆里电丝 by 盛宇DamnShine, which includes the lines “Some people will become your friends / or your zhiji / Some people will fight with you to the end / as long as you're happy (开心就好)”

November 17th → A photo from 2021 that Gong Jun’s studio posted as part of his time train series included a blurred out red and blue smear that was possibly a photo from the Word of Honor concert being used as his phone’s wallpaper.

November 28th → Gong Jun posted a photo of a handwritten note saying that he wouldn’t be doing a birthday livestream the following day. Something that was possibly his hexagon ring appears to have been deliberately placed behind a glass of water in the photo.

December 17th → Gong Jun posted travel photos from Yunnan, which included two photos of a figure from behind wearing a hoodie that completely covers his head. There is debate over whether this person was really Gong Jun, especially as the shoulders seem to match Zhang Zhehan’s stature.

What’s your own favourite candy from the year? If I didn’t include it here, please feel welcome to add it as a reply or reblog! 🍬🍬🍬

[angelicyoongie]

MAGGY!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHEN YOU POSTED ABOUT LOVESICK BEING UPDATED I WAS CAUGHT SO OFF GUARD I ALMOST CHOKED WODBWJSNS

BUT OMG I LOVED LOVED LOVED THE NEW CHAPTER!!!!

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

I was kinda hoping that Jungkook would’ve been the MC’s first kiss and I was so excited that it was! He was so sweet about it too, I felt this confusing warmth because, thanks for asking but that doesn’t excuse what you did earlier with the other boys 🤨

And the rest of the boys noticing what Jimin did with the MC 🤭🤭 like, I was thinking for whenever Jimin left hickies on her, he must’ve realized that that was going to reverberate not only on him, but also everyone else trying to sleep lol do you think any of the boys dared to try and find out what was going on or kinda stayed tortured in their rooms? 🤔

That last bit though, where she had to straight up lie to her best friend was heart wrenching to read :( I really felt the pain she was going through to say that and the fear of having seven pairs of eyes boring holes into your face/analyzing your every word/expression. I really feel for her and she doesn’t have much more than she can do but wait it out and hope there’s a sliver of a chance to escape. In a weird way though, at least she doesn’t have to have any financial stresses for a while 😅

Excellent chapter as always!!! I can’t wait for your next chapter and all your other works in the future!! Happy New Year Maggy and much love!! 🤩💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

- K

SDJSKS LOL 😭💖

It just had to be JK, he's too cute to not get the first kiss! Yeah, it's always confusing when the boys do something sweet or nice. You want to go "aww that's cute!" but then there's always that reminder of what they've done that makes you go "... but wait" lol 😬

Jimin knew the others were going to feel it and that just made him enjoy it more haha! He's a little shit at his core and he loves teasing, so that was just the cherry on top for him. I think they tried to respect the MC and kept to their rooms, but that doesn't mean their hands didn't wander (as the walls aren't that thick) 😶

I truly feel so bad for the MC :( I hate that I have to hurt her but it makes for good plot, lmao 😩 But yeah, she has really done all she can for now and the rest is just a waiting game. Lol, that's true!

Aaaaa thank you so so much K, I always love hearing from you!! 💖🥺💖 I hope january has been treating you nice so far!!