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violet-t-9 · 3 years

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Check in on my (not very realistic) wish list for episode 141

1. Blooming Grove Clay family reunion! Hugs and tears! Home-cooked meal and tea! Much needed relaxation and downtime after saving the world.

Ay that was a nice meal and a good night’s sleep.

2. Widogast’s Nascent Nein (9!) Sided Tower because Caleb still has a spell slot for that! So many cats and books. Also, rooms for Essek and Molly (9!). Bonus: seeing more rooms on the 8th floor of the tower?

Oof well thanks Trent now we don’t get to see the tower again, ever. I’m 100% sure that Essek will see his room during the Aeorian study fun times and Luc and Yeza will see their rooms in magical summer camp with professor Widogast though, so I’m happy.

3. Check in and visiting Allura to return her staff and Kima’s Holy Avenger (”hey we saved the world killed Lucien stopped the city Allura are you proud of us? You are? Tell us who is on the Tal’Dorei council.”)

They mentioned it, but they didn’t play it out, unfortunately. Alas, the members of the Tal’Dorei council shall forever remain a mystery.

4. Check in and visiting Yussa and Wensforth to apologize for their last visit to the Tidepeak Tower and using his emergency exit plan, but Yussa being too grateful to be saved from a screaming city hivemind to care.

Yep, thank you Caleb for remembering Yussa lol. Should have known that he would want to study the Happy Fun Ball... Wizards sharing knowledge, how nice! Also, Veth’s goodbye to Wensforth was very sweet.

5. Molly getting more and more of his memory back and slowly becoming his old flamboyant self.

I... wow I mean I guess Kingsley? This technically happened? He is going to become someone new, which is always exciting! He got a lot of... interesting memories back too. He is also interested in learning about Molly’s memory too, even though he is somebody else (and just as flamboyant).

6. Caleb says goodbye to Frumpkin and there is either a sweet farewell or Frumpkin just goes “nah fam I choose my wizard you can’t get rid of me”.

Aw Frumpkin didn’t feel ready to leave at first... :( The actual farewell was indeed short and sweet, I loved it.

7. Beau and Yasha moments, conversations, fun times, shameless PDA, or potentially fade to black because they deserve it.

Camping outside at night, aw. Their moment after the Zeenoth trial was very touching as well! “Yes, my love?” and “my Expositor” lol how romantic they are. They are planning to settle down and explore Yasha’s past together! Their honeymoon little trip! Also, “I will have you and then some” was indeed hot.

8. Jester and Fjord being domestic, adorable and sharing kisses/conversations or potentially fade to black because they deserve it.

The sleep snuggle was soo cute and Jester’s love admission was adorable! Also the rain and double confession wow Fjord what a romantic man. Their conversation in Nicodranas was sooo cute guys. They planned boat trips!

9. Caleb and Essek have a long one-on-one conversation about their “it’s complicated” relationship and have some more physical contact (still reeling from the forehead touch last episode).

Caleb attempting to include Essek in the globe of invulnerability and Essek dragging Caleb away from melee combat aw. The kiss on the cheek and the empathetic hug... I will take the time travel conversation as well.

10. Veth, Yeza and Luc’s joyful/tearful family reunion and happy fun times in which Veth and Yeza may or may not celebrate in private.

Aw that was a nice reunion, so very cute. Veth gets to fully return home to her family after saying goodbye! I’m going to assume that she celebrates her return with Yeza in private.

11. Cad’s moments with his family and also with Molly (because it’s fun to watch them on screen together and conversing let’s be real).

Caduceus gets to be with his family now, enjoying life at the blooming grove! He deserves the relaxation!

12. Jester’s reunion with her mother with big hugs and finding out that parent trap TM has succeeded thanks to her genius plans. Also, the gentleman being a super awkward but loving dad.

Yes I knew it would work! The gentleman is a nervous drinker confirmed lol. The mother-daughter talk was very nice and a great reminder!

13. The Mighty Nein plans for the future: getting rid of Cloven Crystal, Fjord visiting Vandran (with Jester probably, who discusses Tusk Love with him) and maybe Sabian? Yasha’s plan to bring flower to Zuala (trip with Beau?). Beau’s plans regarding Zeenoth’s trial (has that happend yet? Does she want to go?) and Caleb’s plans for the assembly (or even further ahead, magical school? Aeorian research with Kryn Colleague? How pissed is Ludinus Da’leth?)

Well, the empire siblings sure started a task force against the assembly huh. Also yeah Caleb you tell him, F**k your vacancy Martinet Ludinus Da’leth! Professor Caleb will teach Luc. Astrid would be more interested in the position anyways. Fjord got to visit Vandran with Jester and got him to join their sailing adventures! Jester also talks about Tusk Love with him wow. Beau testified against Zeenoth with Yasha by her side! Yasha gave flowers to Zuala on a trip with Beau! Caleb and Essek got to do their Aeorian research study! Fjord’s cloven crystal adventure was also addressed! I’m so good at predictions you guys I KID YOU NOT I predicted everything.

14. Getting an update about Astrid and Eadwulf to find out that they are in fact doing fine because Trent is in deep trouble and under heavy investigation by the Augen Trust and Cobalt Soul (bonus: Trent is already starting to get what he deserves. Or even better, Trent has died from liver failure in jail. Like his jaundice really kept getting worse so one can hope I guess?)

F**k you Trent, you just had to show up and ruin everything didn’t you. Well, Astrid and Eadwulf are fne now, and Trent IS in deep trouble and rotting in jail. Still hoping that he will die from liver failure after like, a few years.

15. Fjord officially “meeting the parents” and Gentleman/Marion giving Fjord the shovel talk because that didn’t happen last time.

Aw he didn’t go with! But the gentleman did talk about Fjord anyways lol and gave her some sound advice.

16. Wedding mentions/discussions? Proposals? Anyone? No?

Well Jester proposed to marry... her parents? Lol did not see that one coming. Veth and Yeza renewing vows yes! It was a nice suggestion.

17. Artagan/sprinkle joins in the celebration because why not (bonus: Sprinkle gets to be free! Or whatever an undead weasel could be lmao)

Artagan and Jester’s conversation was very nice development for them. Sprinkle gets to stay forever, unfortunately for Sprinkle lol.

18. Obligatory wish for Essek’s fancy dunamancy or magical items (like I know we will never see dark star probably but I live for spell casting flavours).

Essek’s hold person on Trent was clutch, “stay down”, what a king. The tether essence, lightning bolt and gravity sinkhole were all wonderful. Still sad about the dark star never being seen though.

19. Obligatory wish for the polymorph spell (look, I just love it okay).

Hey, Jester threatened Astrid with it! Polymorph mention wins! Fjord was sad about the potential choice of turning her into a turtle but it would have been funny.

20. Obligatory wish for Caleb to use more fire/customized/dunamantic spells creatively or with nice flair (what’s sexier than wizards NOTHING).

What’s sexier than counterspells and dispel magic NOTHING. Also hey, the manacles of stasis worked!

21. Discussion about Essek’s future because oh boy can he even go back to the Dynasty? Have they found him out yet? If they did, how mad is the Bright Queen? Are Volstruckers too busy to chase him down? We need to know!

Oh man I mean Essek found a way to live freely at least! With a lot of illusions and identities, of course. He also got to stay in contact with the M9! I think he may show up in campaign 3!

22. Group hug! Group feast! Group cheer! I dunno, just do group stuff. They are the Mighty Nein, they are the Mighty Nine, they saved the world!

A lot of group hugs and feasts! I especially loved the hug when they said goodbye to Essek.

23. Visiting/checking in with other NPCs or allies potentially! Like Kiri, Calianna, Twiggy, Keg, Shakasta, Bryce, Dagen oh also the Hag (I’m kidding).

They checked in with Orly! Not these allies but you know, Orly is awesome.

24. Obligatory wish for everyone (the Nein, their friends/families) to get a happy ending that gives me a feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment, and that the episode/campaign ends with a poetically beautiful scene!

Yes, it was a very poetic and very beautiful story indeed

I love the Mighty Nein/Nine, I love the cast. I’m so grateful for their story in my life. Words are not enough to describe my thankfulness for being able to go on this journey with them.

Now excuse me I just need to go sob in a corner.

My score: 19/24

Seriously though check out #13 I’m proud of that one

Other Highlights:

Caleb hit 100 HP OMG I too am proud of him.

Well I didn’t expect the boss fight but I’m glad we are getting one?

Caleb’s produce flame was used by Veth on Fluffernutter, nice!

The Veth + Beau putting collar combo was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen, also there is something poetic about Caleb relying entirely on his friends and Astrid to carry out the collar tactic on Trent.

The forced empathy commands by Cad lmao wow angry Cad is scary, too bad Trent didn’t have any.

Veth’s silent image... Caleb disintegrating and burning everything in the T-dock... Caleb’s book for his parents... Professor Widogast... Excuse me I’m going to cry now.

#cr spoilers #c2e141 #critical role #critical role spoilers #cr liveblog #manifest list #the mighty nein

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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watched the end of some guy’s amnesia: rebirth playthrough and i have some boring thoughts @halloweenhavoc have u finished the game i feel like you have more of a grasp on all this stuff than i do lmfao what with having actually played it and also probably remembering machine for pigs better

i really did not like fully piece together either the lore of the Main Story of the game nor the broader Amnesia Universe Lore lmfao but i was interested in the latter especially, but re: the former, i did like having all these other Known People associated with the protag whose fates we could all find out and shit

i’m like, sort of underwhelmed, but that’s b/c even though i was like “okay so just b/c this is a frictional-produced amnesia sequel a decade later doesn’t mean you need to hype it up like it’s gonna blow your mind just coz atdd was That big a deal” doesn’t mean i still wasn’t partially like oh but what if it is like mindblowing horror game tho......it felt a lot more like soma than atdd which isn’t in itself bad b/c soma rules but when i’m expecting it to be more like atdd it just makes things kinda bemusing and hard to recalibrate.....it was a good game though lol just like the whole time trying to figure out what the experience is gonna be i guess

anyways so like in the direction frictional’s games have gone it def feels like they’re more into Game Environments (those ruled in this game....) and being very like Thematic Story-Centric.....atdd was very stripped down and they sure got creative with that and it was as effective as it was but yeah it feels like now that they have the clout from that and the game production experience and presumably more resources and stuff that they’re progressing in This Direction which is not as atdd-esque lmao like good for them if this is the creative vision, follow those dreams and stuff

did not feel at all invested in any of this baby lore lmfaooo like it was very abstract and also i don’t care. but 10/10 for breastfeeding gameplay

i did like the Other World lore like. this is where alexander is from, Maybe?? i remember he’s mentioned as an apostate from [somewhere else] but like, is that somewhere else in another dimension or just another Region in this world lmao i don’t know. out here Inventing the amnesia potion vitae harvesting strategy, and then it’s Something Else he does that is considered heinous and they just banish him to earth lmfaooo like our problem now......and who is alexander’s wife lmfao. in atdd bad ending, when alexander portals back, does he get to come back to the shitty place where nothing’s going on but eternal vitae harvest i guess? sucks. in atdd sorta-neutral-ending, when you toss agrippa’s head through the portal and then agrippa asks [someone, i forget who....the student? weyer? or whoever??] to Help Daniel, does everyone get to go to this crappy world or are there other better dimensions lmao....also i forget how this The Other World got so shitty in the first place. something something they flew too close to the sun with their technology and it got fucked up, i forget what The Gate even is........i do like this origin story for what the fuck is up with the shadow lmfao. that like, it’s just some other alchemical Invention expressly to fuck up the vitae system?? which is sort of counter to the idea that it’s simply a Guardian of any orbs.....but then also, there was some sort of note or memory that seemed to imply that having fucked up whatever Gate they fucked up created something that sounded like maybe it was the shadow?? or was it just something Else fucked up and b/c it was like “uh oh something shitty is happening here now” i just Assumed it was the shadow.....idfk. but idk maybe since Orbs are Other World Tech For Portals the shadow is just like, Other World Tech Ruiner and if you handle one improperly the shadow will like, sense orb-jostling Lol and be On It....i don’t knowwww

i gotta admit i did love the lore tying to atdd lmfao like maybe this game would’ve been better off not really being tied to atdd but i’m still like oh yep i’m a sucker for cameos / lore about these atdd people places and things.....herbert, alexander, daniel, brennenburg, and someone else i forget who was like “i’m the first human to get to this place but i don’t have A Traveller’s Whatever so i have to die here,” rip to him.....kinda funny that vitae-harvesting is like, so Industrialized in the other world with this factory and mass-produced as it were, which is Fucked Up, and alexander got shot to earth for some mysterious terrible thing and had to invite some rando with an orb to his castle and then get his help torturing other randos with medieval instruments like. banging rocks together over there. also i don’t get what the harvesters job was? they were sure Harvesting but if the vitae is just getting Sucked thru tubes why are these guys going around breathing it in also. just like, stray air-vitae filtering system?? idk

also what was going on time-wise with this weird accelerated pregnancy. i don’t think i get Why tasi got amnesia in the first place. coincidence i guess??? and why...did she end up back in the plane wreckage. was that just where she got dropped off after they were all like. taken from Our World into the Other World and then....back into our world?? i guess??? i’m just not clear on the Timeline Of Events and how everyone got split up with some people dying and shit....was everyone getting attacked by ghuls i guess. there was a crapload of them in that one place, wasn’t there.....i also forget Where things happened lmfaooo like shit was this in Earth or The Other World.....i guess the latter it was always like, “high tech” with that art deco design shit and green light and stuff.....god i don’t know. like i already forget why richard was like, held captive and tortured. just on evil principle??? augh lmfao

also it was certainly Interesting that people turn into monsters around here with some like, magic + corruption deal going on......felt like the Lore in atdd was sort of vague but that it could Maybe tie into that sort of idea....frictional games sure will like, Metaphorically have the Self and the Non-Self But Which Is Tied To Your Self in all its stories, atdd, soma, rebirth......daniel having this past self he’s now detached from but re-learning of his past exploits.......soma copy/pasting consciousnesses.......uhhh also when it was talking about the ideal Vitae Collecting Cycle being fear, amnesia, and then Hope, and about who was the best candidates for that, i was really thinking that like, we’d learn tasi was being put through a [Hope] sequence, basically

also (rachel if ur reading this lmfao) i remember this pre-release Audio Tape that wasn’t in the gameplay that i think was like, the doctor doing an experiment on a Monster to confirm it had regenerative properties?? i thought we were gonna get a whole fucked up subplot dealing with that guy lmfao but nah just at the end......i guess soma’s promotional stuff was similar, they had all these Files and Videos and stuff which was relevant to the Lore / story but which wasn’t like, flatout in the game......i guess at some point the doctor must’ve been like, experimenting on a crew member who was sort of in the process of Turning or w/e. hank or someone i guess.....UHHH i did like “talking” to so many monsters lmfaooo like leon and crap. wild, tragic, etc.......

RIGHT and i think frictional is really creative in its like, Game Mechanics, like how relatively recently we learned that that whole thing about being told that Low Sanity makes you easier to detect in atdd, but that wasn’t true and was just put in the game to put the player more on edge? i mean, daniel keeling over for a moment if sanity gets too low is probably unhelpful in a chase but. and like, here the “sanity” thing was neat, i liked the Sound lol, i liked the flashing images and how that was like, Relevant, but also it seems like you can’t ever die in this game?? basically, ish?? which i think is neat. like, you don’t really Need to.....said it last time how it feels like the player just is still going to react as Urgently if they’re being chased by the monster lmfaooo

idk there was something other neat / creative element i think i wanted to point out as Cool but i forget (HAHA...manesima.....) i dunno the 0.0001% chance any of you are Coincidentally into amnesia at all and know what all is being talked about here and have thoughts....feel free to send me an ask or whatever.......would be inchrested in hearing other takes on it etc

OH and it didn’t feel like machine for pigs was involved at all lmfao which makes sense since it wasn’t actually produced by frictional but now i’m really struggling to remember the Lore there and if it could Conceivably tie in with descent/rebirth-verse.......oswald’s soul got actually split with Evil Orb-Corrupted Self (which!!!! i forgot there’s even the implication that maybe orb-proximity fucks you up. didn’t seem that relevant here. here magic empress fountain water fucks you up) and Amnesia’d Good (Normal-er) Self and there’s the giant machine which is gonna.....consume the world to protect it from self-destructing in another way......or, that was the reason given to oswald anyways, i remember he like sacrifices his kids to it to save them from [his visions of ww1 being an impending thing] and he doesn’t find that out till the end......his evil self tricked his good self into firing up the machine......i forget where the pig men come from or what their point is, and the machine is like, another Factory Line Vitae Harvesting thing, right?? what’s the vitae For in this case....i sure don’t fuckin know. i forget what oswald does at the end as well to like, fix things, i remember feeling sad about it even though he was a horny weirdo.....i really forget what the full picture was there or what the Orb Involvement was. anyways. idk

would be fun to see more frictional games but it seems like they’re not too interested in doing something as atdd-esque again lol, soma seems more like What Frictional Really Wants To Do, which isn’t a bad thing cuz soma rules and like. objectively i guess soma is the better game, i’m not at all mad at anyone arguing soma is better lmfao, i just sure cherish atdd and it sure is the one that made the whole [subsequent horror game defining] splash lmfao. OH YEAH and i liked they threw in another moment where someone’s been alive for ages and you unplug them and it’s like what the fuck. and i guess you do that but even Harder in the one Rebirth ending where you shadow-infect everything and all the people in the vitae-pods die......which like, it Was def creepy having all those vitae pods lmfao. conceptually fucked up.....uh yeah that’s it i guess. was a sucker for the atdd-lore-fanservice stuff lol. thought it was good but wasn’t like atdd 2.0 which is both Totally Fine and also A Bit Disappointing Of Course lol. now i’m thinking about soma some more though which is Worthy cuz that game rules and i love its story / concepts so much. and i love that you keep fisting sphincters to Save until you have to fist your forearm off. we’ve all been there. and i love the “we have the better view. :)” audio log from someone on the surface. and how the gradual reveal of the [lady you talk to throughout the game who guides you along]’s story. and the Ending. and the gradual reveal of Just What Is Going On Around Here

anyways yeah atdd rules soma rules i thought this game was good too but def is like okay you’d rather make soma than atdd and that is valid

thots????????????????

#amnesia

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captainderyn · 5 years

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2019 Writer’s Round Up

Thank you for the tag @elveny!!

I’ll admit 2019 has been...a very rocky year and I feel like my writing production has reflected that. But I’m very harsh on myself so let’s see if that’s actually as true as I think :’)

Tagging forth @lumielles @inquisitorhotpants @greyias and anyone else who would like!

Word Count

Overall this year I wrote 266,375 words in total. Let’s break that down shall we?

On From the Ashes I wrote 62,168 words in actual content and 2,089 words in discarded or not yet used content

On an RP working with @berriku (which...more on that later c:) we wrote 125,270 words between our main story and offshoots. I’m not sure how much of that was me, so it’s all lumped into one.

For Moments In Time, my first foray into LOTRO, I wrote 22,261 words over the month of October. On a smaller set of Wulfwryn and Raenor specific prompts I have written 1,276 words. On an upcoming fic for them I have 1,174 words so far.

During my first set of commissions ever, I had the privelidge to write 6,041 words for people <3

And finally, on other varied prompt/fic word I wrote 46,096 words.

Number of Smut Scenes:

A whopping...0 lmao xD I have considered writing several, come close to writing several, have one in the works, but have yet to actually write any.

New Things I Tried:

-Commissions! I tried my hand at writing commissions this year and it has been so worth it! I never thought I’d have the confidence to advertise myself that way and I am so glad that I did and that there was actually interest for them~

-New Fandoms--I ventured (back) into LOTRO and began writing in it for the first time. This alongside having some writing ideas for Check, Please! and technically foraying briefly back into Percy Jackson just for fun, I have really expanded what I’m comfortable and happy writing in.

-New writing challenges: I participated for the first time in the WIP Project and Fictober, which I had never done before. Both times were a good way to get into a writing routine.

Favourite thing I wrote this year

Moments In Time, my fictober compilation from this year is probably one of my favorite things that I have written aside from various prompt fills that I really do love.

Favourite fic I read this year

Oh gosh this is really hard...I’ve read so many great fics. If I’ve kudos’d or reblogged your work, I guarantee I love it.

@elveny‘s Spark of Hope series of works has been one of my favorites that I have picked up this year. It’s just masterfully written and has made me fall for a Solavellan pairing in a way that I didn’t expect! I can’t wait to see where it goes in 2020

@lumielles’ Rising Son. I know that you know that I absolute love Idan with all of my heart. I would die for my most favorite JediDad. But Rising Son frames his story from the beginning and makes you fall in love with the whole cast of characters that Lu writes in such a beautiful way. You get hooked to Idan’s story and the story of Ysia before him and Lu’s writing between characters just flows so naturally.

@elveny and @kunstpause‘s The Hands of Fate Are Your Own. I don’t have enough room to say all that I would like to about this fic. The time and love that they put into this work is so clear in their writing which makes it an absolute joy to read and makes you fall in love with all the characters and the pairings. 2020 is going to bring more amazing chapters, I just know it.

Writing goals for 2020

1.Finish From the Ashes: This fic has put me through hell and back but I so badly want to finish Baraneth and Alistair’s story in the way that it deserves. Perhaps even continue their story into what happens after the beginning of DAI. But this fic has given me too much to just bail out on it now.

2. Work more on a project with Ien and Evvie that @berriku and I have been planning: We really want to share Ien and Evvie’s story with all of you guys, and I hope to really buckle down on outlining for it and possibly start writing it.

3. Write and finish my own original short story: I have had an idea for the last few months and with a spring semester course setting me up perfectly to do some world building with it, I would love to actually produce something that is 100% original.

4. Worldbuild and work some more with @delavairess and I’s original idea: the whole concept that we’re building is absolutely awesome and I am so excited to start focusing on it more. Especially the OT3 that we are building with that story.

I have so many other ideas that I want to work on, such as planning an LOTR fic revolving around Wulfwryn and Raenor’s daughter and Eldarion. I also really want to write more content for those people I hc with. That really fell by the wayside this year and I’m sorry to all who I headcanon with for not giving our characters the love that they deserve. But those 4 goals are my main ones and I’m going to try and stick to them.

Words of Thanks

This year has been so rough between academic changes and personal life struggles and I am so thankful for everyone who has stuck beside me through it.

@lumielles @ofmistandrain @moonlitalien @skullinacowboyhat @berriku who have spent so much time headcanoning with me and creating the most beautiful characters together. Not to mention the boundless support on my writing and overall friendship that I am so thankful to have with y’all. I definitely haven’t tagged everyone here, but *blows kisses* y’all know who you are

@anchanted-one and most recently @elveny for all your help with Ashes. This fic definitely wouldn’t have made it as far as it has and all the work that you guys have done with me between beta’ing and ideas has been so, so helpful.

Everyone who I talk with, who reblogs my things, tags me in memes, sends me asks, and keeps this machine running. I am so thankful for you guys

And of course @delavairess, my creative partner to the end, my best friend, and my ongoing inspiration <3 I couldn’t do half this creating thing without you.

Here’s to 2020 guys

#writing round up #wholesome writing tag #I wrote a lot more than I thought I did #I will give myself that #with all the craziness of this year I have still made myself proud #thank you all <3

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supersugatrash · 5 years

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Welcome. First Time With BTS?

A/N: Annyeong! Alright, here we are. The long overdue chapter 15. This one was really hard to write and not necessarily because of the plot itself, but because I was somewhat terrified of the reactions this could get. I know, it’s dumb, but we all have our own demons. Then, like a miracle, recently something happened to me that really got me out of my funk, so I started up Word and finally got to writing again. Again, I cannot promise I’ll post more regularly from now on, but I still intend to post whenever I feel the creative juices flowing. I have not given up on writing and myself and I hope neither will you. If you want to keep up with what I’m doing, you can always check out my Twitter @/Supersugatrash where I post a bit more frequently and give a lot more insight on where I am with my stories and even post some random blurbs every now and then. /unnecessary ramble over. I hope this will answer all the questions you’ve had after the last chapter! Enjoy. :)

Story Summary: You wish your life was normal again, but you know it will never be the same. Not with what you’ve experienced since joining one of the most dangerous Gangs in Seoul: Bangtan.

Genre: Gang/Mafia!AU

Word Count: 6,741

Drabble #01

Warnings: Strong Language, Violence (towards every character, including reader), Major Character Death? (Gotta find out for yourself lmao) – You have been warned.

Part 15

Tick. Tick. Tick. As the clock struck midnight, it seemed like time came to a halt. An excruciating halt that captured your pain. One, two, three tears rolled down your cheeks as you looked at Hoseok, the sound of the heart monitor producing a never-ending, heart wrenchingly sharp tone that filled the room. This was far from right; he wasn't supposed to die. He was going to wake up any minute now, glaring at and blaming you for getting the two of you into danger. Any second now, he was going to curse you out. Any moment now he was going to jump out of bed, put on his spiky mask and get as far away from you as possible. You were sure of it.

Everything, absolutely everything, felt surreal to you. Like this moment didn’t happen; like it was never supposed to happen. Yet here you were, standing in front of Hoseok’s bed, staring at his lifeless body as you hoped for a miracle. You gently grabbed his wrist and tried to feel for a pulse, but there was nothing. Not a twitch, not a bump, just… nothing. You placed your fingers on his soft neck, but it was just more of the same. The brutal reality of it all was hopeless and grim and it felt like a slap across your face when you finally admitted it to yourself: Hoseok was dead.

Namjoon was still sitting in the other room, clueless of what was happening only a few feet away from him, and you didn't have it in you to tell him. Not yet. How could you? The shock still hadn’t quite set in with you and you had only met him a few weeks ago. Just thinking of the suffocating pain in Namjoon’s eyes when he would learn about this news made your heart ache once more. You lost someone you wanted to call a friend, he had just lost a part of his family and if someone knew that agony all too well, it was you. No, you really couldn’t tell him.

You quietly sat next to Hoseok and couldn’t tear your eyes away from his face. He looked at peace, as if he was finally free from all the pain he had endured in his life. Once again you took his hand in yours and cried. You cried for a few seconds, which turned into minutes and then into hours, thinking about the time you had wasted not getting to know him better.

Jung Hoseok was a good man, no matter how much he had tried to mask it. He was willing to forfeit his own life to save yours, even though he had always made sure to let you know how much he had resented you. Seeing him lying there in front of you, it was difficult. Difficult because you felt guilty. Guilty, because you had cheated death numerous times in the past few weeks alone; so why couldn’t he?

At three in the morning, when you thought there were no more tears left, the door to the room opened and you couldn’t avoid the truth any longer.

“Hey, Y/N, I saw your light was still on and just wanted to check in with you before –“ Namjoon stopped in his tracks as he looked at you sitting next to his brother. You never dared to look at him, terrified of the look in his eyes, but you didn’t need to. Namjoon knew exactly what your silence meant. He slowly approached the two of you with a quiet step, as if any sound he would make could cause more harm to the situation.

Namjoon sat down next to you and took one of Hoseok’s hands in his. It was as if both of them had frozen in time as Namjoon kept that pose for what felt like hours until a single tear rolled down Namjoon’s cheek while he kept looking at the friend he had just lost. You had never seen him cry, especially not since you had joined Bangtan. He had always been the strong leader that would keep his cool and would reassure everyone that everything would turn out just fine with his presence alone. But not this time. This time just believing in a miracle was simply hopeless. “Why are you being so selfish, Hoseok-ah?” he whispered with a sombre voice as he clenched a fist with his free hand. Suddenly, he stood up and out of nowhere punched Hoseok square in the face. “Are you really leaving at a time like this?” he paused for just a second before he added a quick “Fuck you.” Another one of Namjoon’s hits landed on his deceased friend’s face. Namjoon was ready to unleash more of his rage on him, but before he could continue, you did the only thing you could in that situation.

You didn’t fear getting in Namjoon’s way as you quietly hugged him from behind, your face burrowed in between his sharp shoulder blades and your arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He was in the middle of another swing when he noticed you holding him as he abruptly stopped his movements. His entire body tensed up at your touch, before he finally dismissed his irrational anger and let his sorrow unfold. He stood there like a helpless child, his arms and head hanging low in defeat. After a few minutes, he turned around to you and pulled you into a wistful embrace as he buried his head in your shoulder for comfort and cried. “This isn’t fair.” Namjoon whispered under his soft sobs. He cried for his lost brother, for lost time, for lost sacrifices and for lost memories. Namjoon truly cared about every single one of Bangtan’s members as if they really were his family, but he seemed to have had a special connection with Hoseok. A connection that would now be one-sided.

---

You couldn’t fathom how quickly a week had passed, it was as if in the blink of an eye you had skipped multiple days at once with a hazy recap of everybody else getting involved in the preparations for Hoseok’s funeral. It was… truly heart-breaking seeing their spirits so low. Nobody laughed, everybody only spoke the bare-minimum and Namjoon had locked himself up for most of it in his apartment. Everyone was, simply put, completely miserable. It felt as if when Hoseok left this world, he took everyone’s hope with him.

Eventually, the seven of you had gathered in the loft of The Slaughterhouse, after finally having received Hoseok’s ashes. All of you were sitting around a table, drinks were poured even in the early hours of the day as you blankly stared at the urn centre piece.

“So,” Seokjin suddenly broke the silence, “what are we going to do with him?” He looked into the round and was only met with more silence and cluelessness in everyone’s eyes.

“We could spread his ashes.” You said. Having Hoseok’s urn sit around the loft and collecting dust wasn’t what he deserved.

“But where?” Jimin asked.

“It should be at his cabin.” Namjoon chimed in with determination written all over his face. “He hated it here,” Namjoon chuckled lightly, “and he would haunt us until the end of time if we left him anywhere other than his home.” Everyone, including yourself, smiled at his words. They knew he was right and you had seen Hoseok hold a never-ending grudge first hand. For what it was worth, you thought it felt fitting for someone that seemingly preferred his own company over others. And so, all of you decided to meet up at his cabin that evening.

---

A few hours later you were sitting in a car with Yoongi, Seokjin and Namjoon on your way to the last place you thought you’d ever be again: Hoseok’s home. On the lonely country road, you were overcome with emotions and memories, as if they had just happened yesterday. You clearly remembered your first trip with Jimin to meet Hoseok and how nervous you were to stand up to him. You remembered how he taught you to use a gun. You remembered sharing a meal with him. You remembered finding out about his past and you remembered him finally letting down his walls. And still, after everything that has happened, you felt guilty.

You looked over to Namjoon as he quietly stared out the window, his elbow casually propped on the armrest of the door and his head resting on his palm. He looked lost, as if the death of his friend had rid him of his purpose. You silently took his hand in yours, mimicked his pose and stared out the window. You wanted him to know you were there for him, even if he didn’t ask for it. Both of you needed comfort on this tragic day. He squeezed your hand lightly in return and tightly held onto it for the rest of the drive.

When you finally arrived at your destination, everyone just… sat there for a while. Nobody wanted to leave the car, nobody wanted to take a step into his home knowing he won’t be there to greet you or curse you out or close the door on you. Everybody knew this was most likely the last time they’d come here and then this would be just another abandoned shack in the middle of the woods.

“I need some fresh air.” Yoongi muttered as he hurriedly left the car and immediately lit a cigarette as soon as he had closed the door behind him, before he walked off and far away from everyone else. Ever since you had left the warehouse, he had distanced himself from you and with Hoseok’s passing it just seemed to have gotten worse. Was there something going on he wasn’t telling you?

“I’ll go check on Yoongi.” Seokjin excused himself as well. And so, you were left alone with Namjoon.

“You don’t have to stay with me.” You almost missed Namjoon’s words when he finally spoke. “I’m fine.”

“Are you, though?” you asked, almost just as quietly as you unbuckled your seatbelt and turned towards him. “We barely saw you this past week. I know you’re in pain, but we need you, Namjoon. We need our leader.”

He looked at you and blinked once, twice, as your words set in. “We need our leader?” he smirked. He didn’t even bother trying to hide his pride, he was simply happy you finally saw yourself as one of them. Until he pointed it out to you, you hadn’t realised it yourself. But you truly were one of Bangtan. You finally wanted to be one of them. It felt like this was what it had to come to for you to accept your destiny.

“Oh geez, don’t make such a big deal out of it.” You blushed a little, but it was true and it felt right.

“You know what, though? You’re right.” Even if he wanted to, this was not the time for teasing. He slapped his hands on his legs, filled with determination. “Hoseok would hate to see his family go down like this. We’re fighters, so let’s continue fighting on.” You smiled from ear to ear at his encouraging words, even if you weren’t sure this really was his final resolve.

When it was eventually starting to get dark outside, everyone had finally gathered all their courage to come together around a cosy campfire behind the rundown cabin to start the final journey of Hoseok’s life at his last resting place. Everyone was standing in a circle while the fire crackled into the night and Namjoon firmly held onto the urn. “First off, I’d like to thank everyone for coming.” He let out a heavy sigh as he started his speech.

“I know this is hard for all of us and I’m sure this is the last place any one of us saw themselves be. Hoseok wasn’t just any ordinary guy and I was actually sure he’d outlive all of us out of pure spite.” Namjoon chuckled wistfully. “But alas, here we are. Saying our final goodbyes to our beloved brother, who gave his own life to protect his family. I’m sure all of you have something to say about him, so I will stop my rambling here and whoever wants to go next can have the spotlight.” He looked expectantly into the group and as you followed his mourning gaze, you saw a sweet memory spark up behind everyone’s eyes as they remembered the man of the day.

“I will go first, then.” Seokjin cleared his throat before he began his sweet anecdote and everyone quietly took a seat on the long wooden logs behind them.

One after another they had a special story to share about Hoseok. About his kindness that he would never show to anyone other than his brothers. How he was always there when you needed him, no matter the time or day and no matter how big or small the favour was. They spoke about how humble he was, never asking for anything other than to be part of a family.

By the time everyone had finished, it was already pitch black around you, but nobody cared how long it took to spill their hearts out. And then all eyes suddenly landed on you.

“What about you, Y/N?” Jimin asked, “Anything you want to say?”

“Oh, uhm…” You were taken aback. Did you really have the right to speak about him after only knowing him for such a short amount of time? But you quickly earned an answer as Namjoon gave you a quick nudge, as if had read the question was clearly written all over your face. “I may not have been able to get to know him better, but the last day I got to spend with him really showed what an amazing person Hoseok-ssi was.” You looked at everyone in the group. Some of them had tears in their eyes, if it was because of their own speeches they held a few minutes before you or because they were touched you were saying a few words of your own about him, you didn’t know. Some of them looked at you with hope and a caring smile as you spoke. But one of them averted his gaze from you all together and it pained you that it had to be him.

Yoongi was fixated on the beer bottle in his hand, rubbing off the paper label as his defined jawline clenched up with every word you spoke. “I don’t think I can ever repay what he did for me that night and I am so grateful for his forgiveness of the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I wish there was more that I could have done for him and I wish I would have made more of an effort to get to know the Hoseok you all loved so much –”

“Bullshit.” Yoongi scoffed as he looked at you with an ice cold glare. ”This is all your fault and you know it.” Even though you were on the same level, he was clearly looking down on you as he tilted his head, taunting your very presence at this gathering that was supposed to be an intimate moment among family. “If you wouldn’t have joined us, he’d still be here with us.”

“Come on, Yoongi. I think you’ve had enough.” Seokjin tried to make an effort to take the beer bottle out of his hand, but Yoongi quickly avoided him, accidentally knocked over the five other bottles that were piling up next to him and held onto it tightly.

“No, you guys are just being fucking delusional here.” He continued his outburst. “Ever since she’s been with us, we’ve had nothing but trouble. People are getting stabbed or shot, we’re being followed everywhere we go and now one of us is dead, for fuck’s sake! She’s jinxing us! We’ve been doing this for years without any major hiccups, but now shit is hitting the fan all at once. Don’t you think that’s even just a little fucking weird?” Yoongi stood up from his seat, “I’m sick and tired of this shit.” And with that, he left the fire and went inside Hoseok’s cabin.

Tears were running down your cheeks as you blankly stared into the crackling fire, unable to move or say anything. What could you say to that? He was right. And, deep down, everybody knew it, even though none of them wanted to admit it.

“Y/N, I’m sorry, he’s just drunk.” Jimin sat next to you and put an arm around your shoulders.

“That doesn’t give him the right to speak like this to one of our own.” Namjoon glared in the direction of the cabin, as if he was trying to reach Yoongi through the walls with his piercing gaze.

“I’m so sorry.” You said through your sobs and sunk your head into your hands. And with that, everyone’s mood had reached a new low.

---

A few hours later, you had calmed down and were once again chatting with the others, still sitting around the fire and reminiscing about every memorable moment they had spent with Hoseok. The stories just kept on coming, mainly because everyone knew once they stopped, this would really mean saying goodbye to their beloved friend and none of them were ready for that. Not yet. His urn was still sitting next to Namjoon, and they knew they had to spread his ashes eventually, but not until everyone was present.

“What time is it?” Namjoon asked into the round.

“Uhm, let me check.” Taehyung held up his index finger as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Five minutes to twelve.”

“I think someone should go get him.” Namjoon didn’t dare to say Yoongi’s name, still too angry about the way he left the fire. But he didn’t need to. Everyone around the fire suddenly felt tense thinking about what had happened only a few hours ago.

“I’ll do it.” Seokjin stood up from his seat and walked towards the cabin. He knew, as the eldest and Namjoon’s right hand, it was his responsibility to keep a level head when their leader could not.

Only a minute had passed since he went inside, when you suddenly heard both men yelling at each other and everyone hurriedly ran to see what was going on, including yourself. But when you finally reached the entrance, you couldn’t believe what you were seeing.

Yoongi was sitting in Hoseok’s armchair, his eyes wide with a mixture of anger and insanity behind them as he pointed his gun at Seokjin. “Don’t you see, hyung? She’s ruining us from the inside.” Yoongi spoke in a menacing tone when he realised everyone had gathered around the broad-shouldered man.

“Woah, Yoongi hyung, calm down!” Jimin was trying to calm the situation down and slowly made his way towards the armed man. Inch by inch he closed the distance, until he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

“Don’t fucking take another step closer.” Yoongi pointed his gun at Jimin’s feet and sent out a warning shot just in front of him within a split second.

“This is going too far. Put the gun down, Yoongi.” Seokjin held his hands up and spoke in a composed manner to keep the situation from escalating further.

“The fuck I –“ Yoongi never got to finish his sentence. The next thing you heard was another gunshot that landed right between his eyes. You let out a terrified and pained scream that felt like your heart was ripped out of your chest, before you ran up to Yoongi and held him in your arms as the blood started streaming over his face and coloured your shirt a crimson red. “Yoongi…” you whispered, your tears dripping down on his lifeless body as you slowly started rocking him back and forth and closed your eyes, hoping this was all just a bad dream.

“What the –“ everyone simultaneously spun around and saw the smoking barrel that was attached to Namjoon’s weapon. “We don’t need any more liabilities in our family.” He said, unfazed by what he had just done and with a complete lack of remorse in his eyes.

And then the old grandfather clock in the living room let out its toll that echoed through the night. The world around you came to a halt and everything and everyone froze in their place.

---

Tick. Tick. Tick. You opened your eyes again and you were back in the practice, cold sweat running down your forehead as you frantically looked around and spotted Hoseok lying in his bed, strapped up to all the machinery. This was when you felt a cruel sense of déjà vu. Hasn’t this happened before? And if it did, why did time turn back to exactly one week ago? It was as if you had gotten a glimpse into a dark and painful future. Or maybe your mind was playing tricks on you. But maybe, just maybe, this was a second chance to save him. The echo of the machine was drowned out by your pained wails as you sunk next to Hoseok onto the bed and tightly grabbed a hold of his gown. Why did you have to go through this again? Was this some kind of sick joke the universe played on you?

That's when you noticed it; the smallest movement of his finger. No, it couldn't have been real. You told yourself you only wanted to see him move to ease the pain as you anxiously checked the machines. You looked over everything again and again as you swore the twitching in his digits continued. Maybe it was even getting stronger? Lastly, you inspected the clip on his finger and to your surprise you realised it was no longer attached to him. His steady movements had shaken it off as he fought for his consciousness to return back to reality. A shocked and hopeful gasp escaped your lips, before you repositioned it on his hand and waited for just a second. A second so painfully drawn out it felt like time was standing still again as you held your breath and tightly onto his free hand.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Hoseok-ssi…" It was a reflex as natural as breathing, you whispered his name like it was a word you couldn’t live without.

The sound of the machine filled the room once again as you quietly sat with him. He was so close, yet so far away. Trapped in his own mind, light-years from reality. “I believe in you.” You lightly squeezed his hand, your words casting a comforting and protective shield around him as the warmth of his being projected a similar sensation in your palm. You owed your life to him and this time, you were ready to protect him as well.

---

The following morning you were woken up by a faint knock and you found yourself lying right next to Hoseok, who was still in his unchanged state, as the door to your room opened carefully. “Knock knock.” You saw Namjoon step inside with a cup of coffee in each hand. “I hope I did it right this time?” he smiled coyly. As you propped yourself up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes, he sat down on the chair next to you with a sheepishness in his eyes that caused a sense of nostalgia within you. You remembered this smile well. Whenever you had a big fight, he would look at you this way. It was his way of feeling the air between the two of you as he waited for a reaction. “How is he?” he asked to break the ice as he handed you one of the cups which you immediately encased with both of your hands.

Well, that was a tough one to answer. On one hand, he seemed to start regaining his consciousness, which obviously was a good thing. On the other hand, was this even reality? “I… I think he’s… doing okay…” you answered cautiously. In case this was really happening, you didn’t want to jinx anything.

Namjoon nodded, a hint of disappointment visible on his face. But there was something else. He was clearly gathering his courage as he struggled to find the words for a few minutes, so both of you sipped on your coffee in silence. “Listen, about our conversation yesterday…” he finally spoke up.

“You were right.” You quickly interrupted him as you looked down and fiddled with your thumbs. It pained you to admit it. Not because of the defeat itself, but because you had trusted Taehyung so much you were willing to pick a fight over it with someone you used to be so close to.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Namjoon gently placed his hand on yours, encasing it entirely. Maybe you had been wrong about him, too? He had given you so much support, during what could have only been described as the worst of times, yet you only focussed on the negatives.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” You sighed, still avoiding his eyes. “If anything, I should be the one apologising to you.” You wanted to say more. You wanted to do more. You felt a deep remorse as you thought about all the times you should have apologised to him. But he wouldn’t let you.

“How about neither one of us apologises and we reset everything. Again.” You suddenly looked at him. The kind smile his lips had curled up to, the forgiving look he gave you, his charming dimples; You couldn’t help but smile back. “I’d like that very much.”

“So,” he quickly changed the topic, “how are you holding up?” His voice was calm and the concern in his eyes showed his true emotions. It wasn’t just a simple and awkward conversation starter. With everything that had happened and with how you had been acting those past couple of days, he really wanted to know more.

“I…” but how were you really doing? Ever since you had started spending time with Taehyung, you tried your best to forget about everything and your feelings were nothing but a jumbled mess. “I don’t really know, to be completely honest.” You sighed. “I haven’t really thought about it lately. A lot happened at once, but everything suddenly calmed down as quickly as it started. It kind of feels somewhat… unreal?”

“Like the calm before the storm.” He finished your thought and looked as if he was reminiscing about a painful memory. As if he knew that same exact feeling too well.

Whenever you had gotten a break like this, something worse was always lurking just around the corner. Hell, you still hadn’t had enough time to come to terms with the death of your parents because of all the other problems that started piling up. “I feel like no matter how quiet it is right now, it won’t last. And before I know it, somebody else gets hurt.” With Namjoon right by your side, you finally had someone you could talk to about everything. He still knew you the best after all. You blankly stared at your coffee, deep in thought and contemplating telling him about the events of the previous night, but quickly decided against it to protect him. And because you actually weren’t sure what really happened last night. It was a trance that could only be broken by his words.

“This might sound odd, but it’s a good thing you feel that way.” Confusion was written all over your face when you looked at him, as if he was speaking an entirely different language. “In our world, danger, pain and betrayal are constantly lingering somewhere in the darkness. You might think you can trust these quiet moments, but it will always come back to haunt you.” He took a deep breath, before he slowly unbuttoned his white shirt and revealed a long deep scar across his chest. It seemed to have healed up years ago, but that didn’t make it any less scary.

“How did –“ your words came out as a whisper, but the shock behind them was loud and clear.

“This is the reason I’ve formed Bangtan.” He said just as quietly, but there was a hint of anger in his otherwise sad tone. “When my old gang decided to walk down the wrong path and turn against one another, Seokjin was the only one I could rely on. This is a constant reminder that you can’t trust anyone. Even if you think they are family.” You reflexively moved your hand closer to the scar, as if you were drawn to it like a moth to a flame. You could sense the physical and mental pain he had endured just by looking at it. As your fingertips slowly reached his chest, his body suddenly tensed up for just a second, as if your touch alone was hurting an open wound, and he quickly held onto your hand with his, seemingly to stop it from opening up any further.

This tender moment finally made you realise something: You might have known everything about Kim Namjoon, but you knew absolutely nothing about the man in front of you. The two were no longer one and the same. He had led his own life since he had left, he had endured his own hardships and happiness. All this time you had compared him to the boy he once was, without ever recognising him as the person he had become. Seokjin’s words were echoing in your head and you had to admit he was right. You were still living in the past, but you decided you finally wanted to spend your life in the present.

As you felt his heartbeat with your fingertips and his large hand on yours, you felt as if you were burning up inside, as if every moment you spent not looking in his eyes was pure torture to you. When his gentle gaze fell upon yours, the tension between you started to feel unbearable. He looked at you as if he had just fallen head over heels for you and he was suddenly in awe. His plump lips parted ever so slightly as he stared into your eyes and you were pulled towards them as if you were under his spell. The distance between you was closed inch by inch and, for the first time in a while, it felt like the stars had finally aligned for the two of you.

There suddenly were no more thoughts about the past, no resentment and no what ifs. It was just you and him, sitting across one another. You were merely inches away from him, but you were closer than you had ever been. Now that you finally saw him for who he had become, you realised how stupid the grudge you had held onto for so long really was. Namjoon was gentle and kind, even after whatever it was he had endured. He was considerate of your feelings, considerate of the time and space you needed to process everything and, most importantly, he was protective of the people he loved, which he had proven a number of times included you.

You could feel his warm breath against your skin as you closed the distance between you. It was as if a window opened after you had closed the door on your relationship, as if there really could be something between you again and all you needed to do was give him a chance. It was finally your time and your lips were about to touch as the long-awaited drumroll kicked in.

But, as life would have it, that never happened. You were unexpectedly interrupted when his phone started ringing and both of you let out an annoyed sigh. You hurriedly pulled back and your cheeks turned a bright shade of pink as he picked up the call. “What is it?” he said, slightly out of breath.

You phased out the entire conversation as you regained your composure and fell in deep thought. It felt right, but that didn’t mean it was. Was this really what you wanted? Maybe. But was this really what you needed? Were you just trying to fill a void in your heart? No matter how you looked at it, you needed more information before you could decide.

"I'm sorry, that was Jungkook." His eyes fell back on yours as he spoke. The conversation apparently ended much quicker than you had anticipated. "Looks like work is picking up early today." Even though he gently smiled at you and lovingly stroked your cheek, the tension between you felt unresolved. You were looking around the room as he buttoned up his shirt again, trying your hardest to avoid any awkward conversations about what just happened, when you noticed the calendar next to the door.

"The wedding!" You suddenly exclaimed, a little louder than you had intended.

"Huh?" Namjoon looked at you, confusion written all over his face when he stopped in his tracks.

"Minseo-ah's wedding is next weekend!" You had completely forgotten about it because of the events of the previous weeks when your mood quickly dropped. You used to long for a normal life, and this might have been your only chance of ever getting it back. A normal life. Those days seemed so close, yet so far away. Was it even still possible?

"If…" Namjoon paused, struggling to find the words as he nervously scratched the back of his head. "If you want to, we can still go together. Maybe. But only if you really want to. Don't feel like you have to say yes. No pressure. I just thought you might –" he stammered, before you kindly put a stop to it.

“Oh, this is awkward…” you said, hiding a big grin as his shoulders sunk in defeat, “My high school sweetheart already asked me a while back. Sooo…” Who said you couldn’t crack a joke every now and then? You could feel the sigh of relief he let out when he realised what was going on.

"I would love to." You smiled brightly at him when you finally gave him a proper answer. Maybe this was exactly what you needed to find your answers. You hadn't gotten to know him – the real him – very well in the little time you had spent with him since you had been reunited, this would be the perfect opportunity to do so.

He grinned from ear to ear at your words, a dorky smile you hadn't seen since he had first asked you out years ago, before he continued his way towards the door. "Yes! Okay. Great! Cool. I mean… uh… I will see you later then." Namjoon finger gunned backwards and accidentally walked against the closed door before he hurriedly left the room in embarrassment. Maybe there still was a bit of the old Namjoon left inside him after all?

---

Your day was already off to a great start. You were feeling confident in yourself and your decisions again for the first time since the incident with Hoseok and you were filled with energy. So, you decided to go for a run in the park in front of the practice. Nothing too intense, just enough to get a good sweat in so you could get back into the swing of working out again. Ever since you had left the warehouse, you had let your exercise slip and you started to notice it. But now, with Hoseok’s state taking a turn for the better, you finally felt at ease again. There was still hope. For you. For Hoseok. For Bangtan.

You happily changed into something comfortable, put on some sneakers and plugged your earphones into your phone before you descended down the elevator and took in the fresh daytime air. This was great. You were focussed, smiling and completely feeling yourself listening to music that continuously pushed you on. Every time you passed a stranger that happened to look at you, you gave them a friendly nod and a big grin as you ran and shared all of your positive vibes with the rest of the world. And when you eventually returned to the practice and were about to go for a shower, there was one more surprise fate had up its sleeve.

"Wh-Where… Am… I…?" The voice was quiet and in rough shape, his throat had completely dried out, but you recognised it immediately and let out a surprised gasp.

"Hoseok-ssi!" You almost screamed his name in excitement as you immediately sprinted towards him and gave him a long overdue hug.

"Oof!" He exhaled deeply as you crashed into him, a tender smile resting on his face. "C-Care…ful, please."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!” you hurriedly let go of him as you continued rambling on. “I'm just so excited you're awake and –"

"Wa…ter…" He slowly reached out his hand towards the bottle on your nightstand.

"Yes, of course!" You quickly retrieved the bottle and a glass and filled it for him, before you carefully started helping him drink every last drop.

It took about half an hour to get him into a condition where he could speak freely again and another thirty minutes to help him go to the bathroom after he refused to let you continue babying him - as he put it - but eventually you were both in a place where you could finally talk about everything that had happened.

"You know, being in a coma is an experience I can't recommend." He chuckled, an awkward attempt to lighten the mood when he saw the tears that were welling up in your eyes as you looked at him, filled with hope. "You can hear everything that's going on, but nobody can hear you yelling at them to leave you alone."

"E-Everything?!" You repeated, your face turning hot pink as you remembered every conversation you've had in this very room while Hoseok was lying in his bed.

"Look, whatever is going on between you and Yoongi hyung… or you and Taehyung-ah… or you and Namjoon-ah is none of my business. But maybe take your conversations somewhere else if someone is in the room with you from now on. Even if you think he's unconscious." He smiled, visibly enjoying teasing you.

"I am so sorry, Hoseok-ssi…" You didn't dare looking at him once as he listed off all the men in your life that were causing you a major headache.

"But, in all seriousness," he gently took your hand in his as he spoke and his eyes looked almost apologetic when you finally looked at him again, "thank you for saving me. I know this wasn't easy on you either, but I appreciate you believing in me when I needed you the most."

That was… Unexpected. A genuine Thank You was the last thing you saw coming from someone that had, until recently, only shown you resentment and anger. "Hoseok-ssi… You don't have to –"

"But I do." he quickly interrupted you. "All I did was being rude to you and that wasn't fair. You were already going through a lot and my comments were unnecessary."

"You've saved my life, too, Hoseok-ssi." You smiled brightly at him, tears starting to roll down your cheeks. "I'm just so happy you are alive and well." You tried to wipe away all of your tears with your sleeve, but to no avail, they just kept on coming and when you eventually gave up and looked back up, you saw something you had never expected to see in your life. Hoseok was looking at you, crying – just like you were – as he finally showed his true self to you for the first time since you've met. This was the real Hoseok he was hiding behind that spiky mask. Raw and uncut. He hated seeing you cry, even if they were happy tears, and couldn't hold his own emotions back any longer when he eventually pulled you in for a tight embrace that both of you needed in that moment. You did, because the heavy weight you had carried was finally lifted off your shoulders. He did, for reasons he wouldn't reveal to you until a much later point in time.

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