#hopefully I'm coherent lol

[wren-of-the-woods]

I've been seeing a lot of posts lately talking about how no one comments/reblogs/replies/etc anymore, and, as someone who comments regularly on a lot of fanworks, it sometimes makes me wonder if my efforts are worth anything. Then I remember how much happiness I get from comments on my own work/posts and how much the community of fandom can matter, and I remember the power that can be found in spreading joy instead of disappointment.

So -- to everyone who comments on fanfiction: thank you. You make the writing process worthwhile and so very rewarding. You make people happy every day.

To all the people who reblog art and gifsets and meta and anything else with enthusiastic tags: thank you. You make people smile and promote interesting conversations and make being on Tumblr so much more fun.

To anyone who sends people asks about their works, whether it's unprompted or part of an ask game: thank you. You give people reasons to talk about things they love and feel like a part of a community.

To the people who makes reclists: thank you. You give us more to read while showing the author how much their work is loved and appreciated, benefitting so many people.

To everyone who organizes events and groups and blogs and dedicated to fandom: thank you. You build community and love and excitement so effectively and it's wonderful.

To all the authors and artists who respond to comments and build community: thank you. You make people smile with your work and then again with your response.

To everyone who contributes to fandom and community in all the other beautiful, varied ways that I can't even begin to list: thank you. You are why we're here.

And, finally, to every writer, visual artist, gifmaker, cosplayer, maker of edits, writer of meta, or creator of art in any other form: thank you. Your work is wonderful and you make fandom what it is, regardless of who sees your art or how much response you recieve.

Keep going, everyone. You are a part of something beautiful.

[keeps-ache]

in a cafe rn. this place is nice :>

[summertimemusician]

Honestly I don't know if I'm remembering it wrong due to sleep deprivation, but out of everything in TOTK one of my favorite little details is that Zelda's eyes in her Divine Noodle (affectionate) form when Demon King's flames hit or graze her tremble a little, more so around the pupils than the iris

The implications are absolutely delicious when you think about it, either it's an expression of deep seated, primal fear which she would probably feel as a dragon even if her main instinct is to help Link, it makes sense she'd feel distressed when faced with a bigger predator if we assume the dragons actually work like wild animals (I mean have we looked at Demon King's full size and length? He absolutely overshadows her and he's clearly going in for the kill, what with that initial bite, he's clearly not only gunning for Link and for Hyrule but also for her specifically), because Zelda by nature is not a warrior, she will fight for her people and to defend her people but she's not one to start the conflict, she's not one to HUNT, so when faced with something actively doing so it makes sense she'd be a little afraid, just because you are made to fight the divine threat from birth doesn't mean you can't fear death in the process('Courage is not the absence of fear but the will to rise against it even when you're afraid' and all that), immortality or not and trust me I'm getting to that part-

And arguably the more interesting implication: that dragons can feel pain/get hurt from other beings in a similar status, which also puts their immortality into question. Because that little twitch can also be because the flames actually hurt her.

One thing I always found interesting in TOTK is the dragon skeletons deep down in the Depths, they're parallel with the Leviathan skeletons, sure, but the fact that the dragons that we know can come and go from the depths and that there are actual skeletons there makes me look at them side by side and think "Oh those are dragons" rather than Leviathans, which begs the question: what could have killed them if dragons are immortal and can live for such long periods of time? What could have killed them when none of our weapons (including the Master Sword mind you) can't hurt Naydra, Dinraal, Farosh and Zelda in a way that matters?

I think the best answer in this case is given to us by Zelda's reaction (assuming I'm not wrong and didn't just imagine it due to sleep deprivation) to the Demon King's flames.

Maybe, just maybe, what caused them to die was likely another dragon. Which means that dragons can actually die, just not through age or natural means, but have to actively be killed through the right means/being for it to stick. Which also tracks with a lot of divine lore in LOZ in general, Demise/Ganondorf only being able to be brought low by the Master Sword wielded by someone who posseses the Hero's Spirit (or that has become worthy of it is we see in Wind Waker) because it's quite literally a divine blade, Hylia actively giving up her immortal form to become a mortal but still slumbering/existing in a separate realm outside of time can also be considered a form of divine death, not to mention Bellum being in the process of killing the Ocean King in Phantom Hourglass. Divine beings have always had an element of mortality to them in LOZ, and it's not too much of a stretch to think that pattern might hold true in TOTK.

(Personally I think maybe the dragons we know might have killed the others in a territory/route dispute, if we go with the fact that a person loses themselves when they consume a secret stone and is guided by their base instincts/whatever goal they had before becoming a dragon, I don't think territory disputes would be all that far fetched, or some other goal which would motivate possible aggression.)

Although there's also the other possibility to consider: we get the armor set of the wild on the heads of those skeletons in TOTK, and we know for a FACT there was a hero before BOTW/TOTK Link, not only through the Ancient Hero's Aspect (which I have so many thoughts/headcanons about) but also through the tapestry in BOTW no matter what the heck happened to the lore in between games, you can still work with the information that there was a hero before BOTW/TOTK Link, and possibly one even before that one if we assume the armor set in the depths isn't from the Original Calamity Hero.

What I'm pitching here basically is, Original Calamity Link/another possible Link was likely a dragon slayer (not uncommon among Links, but how many Links killed an actual possibly divine dragon?), and possibly the one to kill the dragons in the depths and that maybe, just maybe we should have a game one day or a manga which either clarifies or debunks that- wait I know it sounds insane but listen stop walking away-

(Also if it's indeed a sign that Zelda feels pain it honestly ramps up Wild's/TOTK Link's motivation to kill Ganondorf WAY up because I too would want to eviscerate anyone who hurt Zelda even if she can't outwardly show it.

Also also- divine flame scars on Zelda where the gloom fueled fire grazed/hit her in her dragon form, you wouldn't be able to see it normally, but once she turns back into hylian they're there as another showing of how her time as a dragon will always stick and haunt her.)

[nerdalmighty]

hey, sorry for randomly sliding into your inbox but! i just wanted to tell you that i'm about to start act 3 of bg3, would've started it sooner but i didn't get to play for a couple weeks as i was waiting to be able to upgrade my hard drive. and over the course of playing i've ended up changing several details of my tav's backstory as well as really fleshing out their character and getting into the roleplay, and i'm so attached to them by now that i almost don't want to finish my playthrough lol. i'm thinking of starting a gale origin playthrough once i do finish just so i can see more of tara. and i noticed that you're close to finishing the game as well! can i ask how birdie's adventure is going?

AHHHHHH DON'T APOLOGIZE!!!!!! I love talking BG3 :)

I am INCREDIBLY close to finishing the game. Like, about to go to the Nether Brain for the final battle close.

I've been putting it off FOR WEEKS because I'm so incredibly attached to Birdie and the companions and their relationships to each other and I don't want it to end!!

Since last we spoke, Birdie and the gang had just done the Iron Throne mission (breaking people out of jail). She decided NOT to go confront the other Wave Servants; that chapter in her life has closed. I won't spoil more of Act 3 since you're just getting into it, but I did I think maybe three other Big Plot Things and now it's time to actually do the damn thing and beat the game.

I'm a little nervous about some of the endings I may have gotten for myself (I'm concerned I may have accidentally condemned Gale to godhood) and I know there are some things I missed, purely because it was my first playthrough and I didn't know any better (I didn't get to know Rolan, didn't save Minthara, didn't get the Githyanki egg, etc), but I'm honestly excited for the epilogue sequence. Is it mostly because of happy/soft Astarion? YES! I LOVE THAT GUY! SUE ME!

My roommate and I have been playing the game at pretty much the same pace this whole time, so I'm about to watch HER beat the game this Friday. She's playing as a Gloom Stalker Ranger named "Sevyn" (yes, like the number 😂) who's romancing Gale, but we've made relatively similar choices throughout the whole thing.

I'm not too worried about spoilers since I know a lot of the outcomes, I just don't know how it happens or what the final battle looks like. But like I explained in my previous Birdie post, I like to look things up beforehand/during certain events because I like having help. Similarly, I love watching my roommate play and learning from/with her so I don't feel as in the dark when it's my turn. Granted, I played a lot without her during Acts 1, 2 and 3, but since we're getting to the end, I've slowed WAY down and have let her go first with most big things. It's not for everyone, but it's how I like to play!

I'm so attached to Birdie and this save file that I'm thinking of creating an entirely new account on my PS5 just to start a new game so that I don't have to save over previous Birdie saves.

Like, what if in a new patch, they add a new scene to Astarion's plot line? A new action (hug/kiss)? New camp idle animations? I want to be able to go in with Birdie and do those things, should they ever come up. Yes I COULD romance Astarion again (and probably will because I'm a weak woman) but as you said about your Tav and I've been saying about mine, I'm really attached to Birdie and I'm invested in who she is and how she fits into the world of BG3.

ALSO! Apparently they're adding mods at some point to the PS5 version? It's been taking everything in me not to buy it on my computer just for some of the mods even though I LOATHE sitting at my desk for hours on end. If mods come into play, I'll definitely want to see what kind of fun things I can make happen for Birdie and the gang. Additionally, one of my friends told me that people modded Skyrim to the point where they were adding new plot points and quest lines? If that happens, and they add like some sort of masquerade ball or event where I can dress up like a princess? You bet you're ass I'm going back to Birdie to let her do that 😂 I'd want to play new paths with Birdie in general, but I'm a sucker for a royal ball sequence 🥸

So basically, Birdie's story in Baldur's Gate may be coming to an end fairly soon. I don't know exactly when yet, but I've been having a blast and can't wait to play the game again and again and again. Right now that's hard to imagine, but I know I'll pick it up with a new Tav eventually because it's such a good game and you can't help falling in love with the world and the writing and the characters. I shall grieve the loss of this particular story, but I plan on keeping Birdie around for as long as I can.

[shoulderscars]

[e1ectrostatic]

30 Day Fictionkind Challenge Day 14

Q: What are shifts like?

A: Before I begin, I'm strictly speaking about my personal experience here, and in no way does this post serve as a universal definition. Think of this like a diary entry, not an encyclopedia entry.

Anyway, what they're like can vary wildly based on several factors. Two big ones are the kintype in question, and what prompted the shift. Generally though, a shift almost always comes with strong feelings attached, and in its own way, each shift feels like coming home.

Because this blog is for discussing my identity as Luca, I'll focus on that kintype. However, it's a bit hard for me to describe, because more often than not I'm in a Luca shift. I consider it more of a "default" state of being, for lack of a better term.

Anyway, how a Luca shift feels depends on what prompted it. In my personal experience, kinshifts are always prompted by something, and never come randomly.

Most of the time, shifts are prompted by music. Sometimes it's music that resonates with me lyrically — the words metaphorically "bring me back" to my source. Other times, it resonates with me melodically. The sound scratches my brain in a "Luca" way, and/or is a song I would've liked in-source. Sometimes, both the lyrics and the melody take me back.

Other common triggers include (but aren't limited to):

Lore drops (particularly about my backstory or time at the manor)

Any other official drops that I consider relevant to me

Fanart that aligns with my memories/noemata or otherwise touches me in some way

Analysis of my source that aligns with my own perception, or that prompts new introspection

Unrelated creative works that resonate with me from a Luca perspective

Random posts/memes on the internet I find relatable or that cater to my sense of humor

A common denominator among all of these potential triggers is that they are all callbacks to my memories and noemata. For example, my birthday reveal prompted a Luca shift, because it affirmed my suspicions about what my interests, likes, and dislikes were.

Another example of something that has happened to me several times is finding a song that reminds me of someone important to me, so I ruminate on my feelings and memories about that person, which prompts a Luca shift.

A final example I'll give is coming across a post on my dash that I feel captures my "essence" as Luca, so I sit and think about it and any specific memories or noemata it may have reminded me of. Or maybe I just find it relatable (or funny!) without necessarily being reminded of specific aspects of my source. Both cases can prompt a shift.

My response to the shift and how it feels depends on how I feel about the memories and stuff attached to it (positively or negatively). Generally speaking, whether my feelings are positive or negative, I'll probably feel pretty intensely going into it regardless, and spend the next while dwelling on it.

My negative memories/noemata associated with this kintype hold a lot of resentment and anger, so those are the most common emotions I feel during a shift prompted by stuff like that. I may also feel sadness for what I've lost or what I've been through. Or, I can feel frustration at what I didn't know then and don't know now. Feelings like hate, obsession, and grief are no strangers during these shifts.

Shifts fueled by negative emotions can feel like a stab in the chest, or sometimes it can get especially bad and feel like I'm burning from the inside. Either way, I like to make use of outlets so I'm not just stewing in it. Music is my main outlet, but I may also draw, write, or talk it out if I feel up for it. Redirecting my focus to something else entirely also helps.

From the outside, I might appear withdrawn and low-energy so as to not needlessly dump my problems on others, or misdirect my feelings. If it's nothing too serious though, I probably don't seem any different. Just preoccupied at worst.

My positive memories/noemata associated with this kintype...can honestly be few and far between (having a horror source is great /sarcasm). But, they still exist, and can still prompt shifts just like negative noemata can. Most of the time, shifts prompted by positive emotions are fueled by my love for the people I was close to in my canon (or even just amicable acquaintances with). There's not a lot about this source I can be wholeheartedly happy about outside of my cherished interpersonal relationships, so I can't think of any examples of purely positive shifts off the top of my head that don't revolve around my friends and peers. Maybe I'll come back and try to think of some sometime.

Shifts fueled by positive emotions can feel like a flower blossoming in my chest; it feels full, yet ticklish, like the petals are gently brushing against my flesh. It's comparable to the feeling you get when you're about to laugh. It can also feel like a spurt of energy too big to let out all at once, or simply a tranquil, warm fondness. Usually, I don't feel the need to make use of any outlets, and prefer to sit and enjoy the feeling. If I do use any outlets, though, they're the same ones I use to process negative emotions.

From the outside, I have no idea whether or not being preoccupied with positive noemata affects my behavior. I imagine I don't act differently, but if I do, it can't be anything bad. Perhaps the worst that can happen is that I become a bit more chatty.

Then, there's the grey area between positive and negative: nostalgia. It fits there perfectly, like a puzzle piece linking the two together. Nostalgia is a very common trigger for kinshifts for me, and feels like a potent mix of both pleasant and sour emotions. There's no way for me to describe it concisely. It's deserving of its own post, honestly.

I guess it's just a mix of the positive and negative, period. I feel nostalgia when something reminds me of or when I think about the places, people, and things I loved in my canon. Things I took pride in, as well. It's bittersweet, because while the love I hold is still just as strong today, the key difference between then and now is that what I love doesn't exist in this world. Not to mention the things I loved and lost in my canon, not just the things I lost when I began the life I live now.

Both kin and non-kin alike are familiar with nostalgia, so it feels redundant to explain or describe, but for the sake of consistency and archiving my thoughts I'll do it anyway. Shifts brought about by nostalgia feel like something twisting and wrenching in my chest. Like an itch that can never be scratched, or reaching for something that feels so close, but never so much as brushes against your hand. It's a love for something that no longer exists how I knew it. It's either forever altered, or gone altogether.

Nothing stays in perfect stasis for eternity, as much as I like to deny it. Places and times changing and ceasing to exist altogether are inevitable, so it's inevitable that your love will change, too. Don't get me wrong, it brings me great joy to reflect on the things I love, but the longing comes with the love. It's a package deal.

I suppose that's all I can say on the subject for now. I'll ruminate on this a bit more, and see what else I can write about the subject in the future. Hopefully this is coherent to anyone other than me, and isn't too redundant/repetitive.

Honestly, I went on much longer than I expected to. I thought I'd be in and out, but ended up rambling a bunch. It almost made me give up altogether with how long it dragged out for, but I powered through! If you read this long, thank you for taking the time to listen, and if you wish to share your own experience or want to ask me questions, my notes and inbox are always open. Take care!

[not-xpr-art]

Art deep dive #3 - How important are the "rules" of art?

Hi!

So it's been a longgg time since I did one of these, but I've recently noticed something in the way people talk about art online today, especially the idea of 'art rules', that I've found interesting so... let's talk about it!

(just fyi this is a series where I ramble about art-y things and pretend I know what I'm talking about lol)

How important are the "rules" of art? ~

If you're an artist you've probably heard some version of the phrase 'you need to learn the rules in art in order to break them'. Effectively this refers to learning the basics of art like anatomy, colour theory or perspective before you completely do away with them to create something stylised, deconstructive or even abstract! Even beyond this particular idea, I hear so many artists online (as well as in school) talk about the importance of learning the 'art rules'.

And to some extent, I agree with this sentiment! I think you need to have some understanding of how to draw things, and more specifically knowing why we draw things certain ways. An example of this is the 'don't use black in shadows' rule, which is referring to the fact that there are no true black shadows in nature, and using other colours as shadows can keep your work from looking too 'flat'. And despite me knowing this, I have definitely used black as shadows in my work, especially when I want to create some intense chiaroscuro or drama! But I know that when I want to create something realistic, using black in the shadows would probably be a bad idea lol!

But the thing is... What do I actually mean when I say 'art rules'?

Who decides what rules make up the way things should be drawn/painted/sculpted/etc and why should we follow them in the first place?

There's certainly a set of rules for how to draw things in particular styles (as in, if you want realism you probably need to follow some specific proportions lol), but those don't apply to all forms of art! Similarly when it comes to something like colour theory, there are colours that will help you create a harmonious work, but that isn't always relevant!

Abstract and conceptual art (amongst others) are forms that don't necessarily require a sense of balance or even artistic integrity. Much of the last century of art history was specifically about throwing away the old ideas of how art 'should' look and be made. The Dadaists and works like the 'Ready Mades' of people like Duchamp challenged the idea of 'art rules', and as chagrin as I am to agree with anything Duchamp has ever done, it WAS effective in completely reshaping the art world.

So we know that much of art doesn't have to rely on art rules. However, when I look at the online art community, and even my own experiences within art education, there seems to be a return to the idea of 'learn the rules first, break them later'. Those rules being the things I mentioned earlier (proportions, anatomy, perspective, colour theory, etc), things that make up the basic art education that's been taught in art schools for hundreds of years.

Except... I haven't really answered the who or why have I lol?

There's obviously no one individual guy who one day was like 'I'm gonna make up some art rules for people to follow until the end of time!', but rather the things we now consider the 'basics' of art can mostly be traced back to Antiquity (as in Ancient Greece). And I do consider it integral to say that the things that are globally seen as 'art rules' are things that have specific origins in Western countries of Art History.

It's no great secret that the History of Art has a racism problem, and the fact that the majority of artists considered part of the 'canon', and the ones who were venerated and taught as part of art education for many years are white men from western and central Europe...

Art from other continents don't always have the same ideas of 'art rules', and when these were first introduced to Europe, they were written off as 'naïve' and 'primitive' because they didn't conform to the European idea of 'art'. And in a way I think that this (obviously) racist ideology has fed into our current concept of 'art rules' pretty much entirely revolving around Western standards of art (which usually positions realism above all else, with the significance and symbolism of art become less important).

Let's next tackle the 'why' of art rules. I've already mentioned why you would follow rules in a practical sense, but beyond that is there any reason for following these 'art rules'? I think fundamentally it all comes down to what we consider the purpose of a particular work of art. If your goal with a piece is specifically about creating a realistic work, then it definitely makes sense that you would follow them. But art that is more instinctual or personal, or art that is abstract, or even art that is pattern/purely aesthetic based, all have very different intentions for their creation.

So why, in 2023, do so many artists (and art schools) still push this idea that art has a rigid set of rules that you have to learn, and only once you've learnt them can you then completely disregard them? Rules that we know stem from European art history and also only apply to a certain sort of art. I think in a way it all comes down to a way to quantify what 'good' and 'bad' art looks like. If there are really no rules, and you don't need to have basic understandings of anatomy or perspective in order to be an artist, then I think to some people it means that can no longer say that in order to be an artist you need to put in a certain amount of 'effort'.

In conclusion... Is there even a conclusion to this lol?

Personally, I think that there's definitely value in learning the Western ideas of art rules that we consider the 'basics' (things like anatomy, perspective, etc) if you want to improve your realistic drawing skills, but don't think you need to learn everything about art rules in order to become some accomplished or 'real' artist lol

Art is first and foremost about creativity and expression, so really just have fun with it!

~

I hope you enjoyed this mini (informal) essay! I actually haven't written one of these deep dives for over 2 years lol!

Btw, let me know your thoughts on this and whether you agree with it lol!

If you liked this feel free to check out those other one, or my art advice tag (where I attempt to give advice to beginner artists lol...)

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

Just finished watching Nimona and holy fuck was it incredible!! I am feeling so many things (and will probably be posting more at some point) but for now I'm having too many feelings for coherency lol (definitely cried through the last half hour of the movie)

But for now just !!! The music <333 The art<333 the EMOTION<333 and the queerness <333

[averysmallcetacean]

hey so this is going to be a post that doesn't fit with the stuff I normally post and isn't going to be as coherent as I normally am (I struggle to articulate myself on this matter). If anything I say is incorrect/offensive, please let me know. Also this is a copy of a comment I made on youtube so If you've seen the same text before that's why. Without further ado I present my incoherent ramblings

My father is jewish however he did not raise me religiously so I'm not jewish. I really want to convert one day, I feel very connected to the faith as a whole and my heritage. It's frustrating that I have to wait until I'm old enough (my parents are atheist so I need to wait till I'm old enough to convert without their permission) and then go through the conversion process. I know I will make it eventually and that it will all be worth it. Additionally, I know the conversion process is really important and not just a hurdle I have to overcome to be jewish (I don't think I'm explaining myself well here - essentially I know it is significant and shouldn't be treated lightly). It can just be frustrating knowing how 'close' I was to being jewish (my grandmother was religious but didn't raise her children religiously or with much connection to judaism - she avoided it as she grew older due to everything that happened and only reconnected soon before her death) and having it be a part of my life from birth. Sorry for the kind-of-vent

[seasaltandcopper]

For the character questions, for A'mahl! 1. How do they move and carry themselves? Pace, rhythm, gestures, energy? 23. How do they respond to difficult social moments? What makes them consider a social situation difficult? 41. What associations do they bring to mind? Words or phrases, images, metaphors or motifs? Why?

Aaa thanks for the ask! Very excited to get to ramble a little. Sorry this took so long I am so so sleepy today xD

1. How do they move and carry themselves? Pace, rhythm, gestures, energy?

A'mahl is, in a word, adhd, and his two modes tend to be "high" and "off". When he's in motion he can be a bit of a whirlwind, and he gravitates towards physical, high-adrenaline outlets.

In general, Mahl carries himself with an easygoing, but relatively energetic confidence. He's light and fast on his feet, and his (canon) training as a Monk blends fantastically with his natural agility and inclination for acrobatics. Best quality: his wiggles.

Even when he's 'relaxing' and engaging with less strenuous pastimes (usually tinkering with some kind of magitek whatsit or doodad), Mahl struggles to really sit still. He fidgets. Taps his fingers or feet. Chews on things. Combs his hands through his hair, or strokes his tail. Climbs the bookshelf because he just couldn't focus while sitting in the chair. He often mumbles or hums to himself while he works, too.

(And when he's in "off" mode, Mahl just likes to sleep. He is a Miqo'te, after all, and he's very fond of his naps. Yes, he will drag friends and family down with him too—what are you going to do, move while there's an adorable, sleepy catboy on your lap? No one's that heartless.)

 23. How do they respond to difficult social moments? What makes them consider a social situation difficult?

Social situations are not Mahl's strong suit, period. Even here, as a WoL, his natural charisma is...lacking. As is his tact. Even when he tries, the combination of poor impulse control, rampant sarcasm, and lack of internal filter frequently gets him into trouble. If he's lucky, this can come off as a sort of roguish or 'backwater' charm, and if he's unlucky he just reads as crass, rude, or openly antagonistic.

Mahl considers anything where he has to be tactful a difficult social situation. He loathes politics and diplomacy, to the point he can be something of a liability in extremely delicate situations where a light hand is needed more than a sharp tongue.

With close friends and loved ones, Mahl still tends to be blunt, he doesn't sugar coat things just to coddle. He tries to be earnest without the intent to hurt feelings. It still happens sometimes, but if he's in the wrong, he'll own up and apologize or try to make amends.

41. What associations do they bring to mind? Words or phrases, images, metaphors or motifs? Why?

Fire. Anger. Sex. The color red. Passion. Smiling, and baring bloodstained teeth. Adrenaline. Sarcasm. Zest for life. The lingering smell of smoke, sweat, and dust. A bit of an asshole, but one with a good heart underneath it all.

A survivor.

“What doesn’t kill me better run.”

(honestly this was the hardest to answer bc I could write pages about Mahl’s imagery and symbolism but my brain is kind of soup today so I feel like what I have here is pretty self explanatory lol)

[brittlebutch]

I’ve finally finished MH—and I loved it—but I didn’t understand the finale at all.

Was everyone who was supposedly dead actually fine? Was The Operator just fucking with things? Was entry 87 possibly from an earlier point on the timeline? (Was it the sort of thing where they left it that way as the hook for another season, and then the plans fell through?)

Or is it just one of those mindfuck endings where there isn’t really any explanation because it’s not supposed to make sense? 😂

!!! congrats on finishing the series; i'm glad you enjoyed it!!! i am so excited to answer this question; i'm putting it under a cut for both Length and Spoilers!

OK. So i'm going to go ahead and cover the whole final arc of the series, starting with entry 73 because that's when the first threads start to come together! Since you've already finished the series, I'm going to go ahead and refer to the Hooded Man as Brian throughout just bc it's less letters to type lol.

Couple things to keep in mind though: 1) a lot of this series is ambiguous, and there aren't Exactly Clear Cut Intentions in what you're meant to interpret from what's shown. I have clear interpretations and biases, but they aren't necessarily The Singular Correct Way to interpret the events/motivations, yk? 2) Extremely important to remember that the linear numbering of entries means NOTHING wrt the actual timeline of the show <- What gets posted to the MH channel is decided and done by the Characters, but the entry number titles do not necessarily correspond with linear events (ie; the footage shown in e76 was filmed before e33 was posted which happened Way after e52 was filmed.) When something was FILMED and when it was POSTED do not correspond; but hopefully I'm able to successfully provide context to help delineate these things. anyway!!

In e73, Brian goes and breaks in to Tim's house again - he's done this before on a variety of occasions, usually to steal medication as he's doing in this entry. While he's there, he showcases a tape that Tim has tucked away in a box, and discovers that Alex has been squatting in Tim's attic for an unknown amount of time. Alex has been watching the MH channel since its inception, and knew that Tim and Jay were out of town but didn't know when they'd be back - he's been hiding inside the house in the hopes of getting the edge of surprise against them when they come back. Important: Brian is the one who posted this entry (denoted by the inconsistencies in the title/description/text cards.) He's broken into the MH account several times, usually to highlight information he Needs Jay to pay attention to - this is his way of warning Tim and jay that Alex is in the house and still a threat.

in e75, Jay and Tim return to Tim's house, ready to face Alex because they caught Brian's warning. By the time they get there though, Brian has already made his move against Alex - attacking him and spiriting him away to the address he'd left on the back of Alex's photo of Amy. Jay's attention is snagged irrevocably on the tape that Brian had highlighted in the previous entry, and tries to look for it, only to realize that Tim had already grabbed it and hidden it in his pocket. Jay fails to be rational about this, steals the tape, and runs off on his own.

e76 is the footage that was on the tape Jay stole, which picks up from the events showcased all the way back in e32/33 - when Jess and Jay finally realized that they Were in a connected room for a reason bc they were both experiencing the same (Operator induced) symptoms, they briefly split up to pack their things so they could leave the hotel for a safer second location. They were interrupted before they could leave though - Jay goes into her room and finds nothing but the note with the code to the safe and then gets chased off from the hotel by Masky. e32/33 is Jay's footage of this event, e76 was Brian's footage of that same day.

Jessica wasn't in the room when Jay looked for her because Tim and Brian conspired to get her out of there before Jay could talk to her. Jessica was not embroiled in the thick of things like Jay and the others were - in essence, there was still time to save her before she got a chance to truly devolve; Jay really does mean well, but his intent was to explain what was going on and interrogate her version of events, which would have made things worse for her, so totheark intervened to prevent this by kidnapping her. They were interrupted by Alex, who attempted to kill Jessica again in his attempt to spare her (Alex is also ultimately well-meaning, but we'll get to this later), and Brian and Jessica wind up split up bc Brian stayed to beat Alex back and Jessica ran off on her own, where she encountered the Operator and collapsed.

[Part of the Operator's influence is its tendency to cause seizures/collapse in people, and another aspect is its spiriting away of their bodies. All of the College Era footage of Alex attacking the other cast members - it's more or less clear that they did not die. There is some ambiguity in this, but I don't believe Alex successfully killed anyone in that first brush with things though I do think it's likely he was Trying to. A very significant aspect of what the Operator Does is the Ark - this is the pitch black place we've seen Tim wind up in in e65. It's unclear exactly what that is or what it does, but it is intrinsically linked to the Operator. In the comics it's implied to be alive and hungry, a place both the living and dead are able to enter, Brian (and Tim) are especially implied to have been able to navigate the ark with some success, although it's also shown that going there At All means leaving some part of yourself behind. In essence, the Ark is always taking bites of the people inside it, but there are ways to avoid being Swallowed Whole. When the Operator takes people - and it's taken corpses, unconscious people, and conscious people - it takes them to the Ark. When Jessica disappears at the end of e76, that was the Operator taking her, but this does not mean she is DEAD.

In fact, Tim entering the frame at the end of the entry is significant. The timeline of season 2 is extremely difficult to navigate, because as you watch videos it seems to fold back on itself. Jay wakes up in e27 with no memory of how he got there, he leaves the hotel in e33 with the tapes from the safe, and then basically every entry from 35 to 52 is Jay uploading OLD footage that took place BEFORE e27 was ever uploaded. This is important with regards to Tim - although we see Tim and Brian working together/separate in entries like 35 and 45, we don't really get any indication that they're doing anything over the months that Jay spends reviewing that old footage and posting it to the channel. This is because they'd been separated.

Tim isn't lying when he says he has no memory or awareness of working with totheark. Regardless of whether you interpret him under the mask as a System Alter (as in DID) or believe he was working under his own volition, but experienced memory loss just like Jay did, Tim does not know what's going on. The expression he wears at the end of e76 is because he doesn't know how he got in the forest - either because he Switched OR bc he had his own encounter with the Operator that night and wound up with memory loss from its influence. BUT it's important bc he was in the same vicinity as Jessica - when she escaped the Ark, it's likely they would still be in the same vicinity. A core aspect to Tim's character is his drive to help people; regardless of whether or not Tim understood anything that was happening, if he'd run into Jessica (panicked and lost in the woods with no memory of how she got there - sounds familiar, right?) he would have reached out to help her get help.]

Briefly cutting ahead to e82 bc it contains footage from this point in the chronological timeline. Jay has just watched the tape that Tim was hiding and discovered that Tim knew that Jessica was alive and arguably knew where she was <- again, if Tim had encountered Jessica in Rosswood after the events from the e76 footage he would have helped her, and later, he would have known that despite Jay's best intentions Jay would not be good for her and would try his best to keep them separate, playing dumb and making sure that Jay didn't know anything about that possible connection. In this e82 footage, Jay calls Tim and agrees that Tim made the best choice by doing this, admits he's confused and extremely disoriented, and apologizes and says they should try to meet back up and work together again. The Operator interrupts him, and he collapses. Tim specifies he never received that call/voicemail.

e77 is the direct follow up event to Jay's collapse from the e82 footage. Despite his phone call where he apologized and said he understood, Jay is now acting paranoid and aggressive again - this is because of the Operator's influence. He attempts to attack Tim with the knife, and Tim restrains him and says he's going to check out the college alone because Jay is behaving erratically and can't be trusted. He plans to return to let Jay out afterwards.

in e78/79, Brian breaks into Tim's house and lets Jay out himself. He wants Tim and Jay both to confront Alex in Benedict Hall (the address left on Amy's photo). Jay follows Tim to the college, but Jay can't get into that particular building and settles for watching across the street.

QUADRANT is a significant upload. There's ambiguity in it like there is in all totheark uploads, but I believe that this is Brian's attempt to warn Tim and Jay that he's officially lost control of the situation (of Alex in particular) - they all need to bunker down and stay in place bc he doesn't know what's going to happen anymore and that means they're all at risk

[What, exactly, Brian wants to happen between Jay, Tim, and Alex is extremely unclear, personally I'm not even sure he knows. It's a running thread throughout the entirety of the series that Brian wants Alex dead - the two of them were Best Friends in college, but when Alex attacked him in college as shown in e51 (56-42 tape) the betrayal left him broken in a myriad of ways and he's never forgiven Alex this. Brian hates Alex, he says it constantly, BUT despite his constant threats and promises to kill Alex, when they're in the same space together he never seems to be able to follow through. Instead, most of his tangible plans seem to be putting Alex in Tim's path <- Tim is not easy to predict; sometimes he'll react by throwing punches first and asking questions later, and sometimes he'll refuse to lift a hand to do anything other than offer it as Help. I don't think Brian can actually bring himself to kill Alex on his own, which is why he didn't do so during the months he had him successfully restrained, and I don't think it's insignificant that he chose Tim as an alternative tool when Tim is statistically more likely to try to help someone than kill them. That's interpretation though.]

But, the problem with Quadrant is the problem with most of the totheark uploads - it's extremely difficult to parse (even I might not be interpreting it correctly). Whether this is intentional due to apathy or a side effect Brian can't help (as i've speculated before), the messages are difficult to understand. If this is a warning, it's not one that succeeds in its goal - neither Tim nor Jay are adequately prepared.

in entry 80 Jay enters Benedict Hall on his own and encounters Alex. Alex shoots Jay. Jay dies. The Operator takes his corpse into the Ark.

in entry 83, Brian attempts to team up with Tim again. They'd worked together before - although Tim can't remember it - but seemed to have had a permanent split somewhere around Season 2.*** Since Tim doesn't have any genuine context for Why Brian would be pursuing this, and because Tim blames Brian for not warning them properly that Alex was loose, and because of the potential that Brian had something to do with the 'YOUR FAULT' / papers surrounding Jay's displayed body in Tim's house (Personally, I think Brian seems too stumbled/taken aback in the hallway for it to have been him), Tim rejects this and the two of them get into some Operator Induced Looney Tunes bullshit, and when it seems like Tim might genuine move to strike Brian, Brian seemingly chooses to fall to his death instead. Brian dies. The Operator takes his corpse into the Ark.

[***At first this was likely solely bc of Tim's memory issues. However, around that time is also when Brian discovered Tim's medical history - the fact that he'd been potentially encountering the Operator since he was a child. It is canonical that the Operator is like a disease - it's spread from person to person - and whether it was intentional or not, Tim seems to have been ground zero - the way Alex reacts to the glitch in the camera in the e84 footage from Marble Hornet's initial auditions can confirm this. He seems irritated and surprised by it, like it's the first time he's seen something like that happen, immediately after meeting Tim for the first time. Everyone thought Alex was the one who brought the Operator into the ring - even Alex thought this - but it was following Tim. After discovering this, Brian can't forgive Tim of this either, any trust he had towards Tim has been shattered, but there are uploads he makes where he seems almost sad about this. Almost bereft now that he's working alone and watching Tim and Jay work together, but despite that he can't get over the perceived betrayal enough to genuinely attempt to reconnect.]

E84 is mostly the footage from the tape Brian was carrying in his pocket when he died - of the initial Marble Hornets film project auditions. I find it particularly devastating to dwell on which tapes characters chose to keep close to them throughout everything. The 56-42 tape of Alex attacking Brian in college, Alex kept in a hidden compartment in the desk by his bed in his apartment (despite the fact that he'd burnt or gotten rid of seemingly every other tape he'd filmed from that era). This e84 audition tape that Brian kept in his pocket. If I think about it too long I go insane. BUT Also just funny to note that Tim is the one who posted this entry, and even though he seemingly left everything else untouched, he went through and cut out the whole of the footage from his audition. Fun little character detail lol.

E85 is footage of Tim idling around, seeming a little lost now that Jay and Brian are both dead, and he doesn't know where Alex is. He seems to realize after a while that Alex will probably eventually come looking for him at his house, and resolves to watch it from across the street instead. Proven right when Alex does indeed show up and intends to burn Tim's house down [side note: confirming in a way that Alex was the one who burned Jay's old apartment down as showcased in e25. bc of the ###### upload, a lot of people assume that totheark burned it down, but that upload is actually a kind of twisted way of getting Jay to leave the place and be too paranoid to return, which is why he's safely in a hotel when his apartment burns]. Alex admits he'd also thought he'd been the source for the Operator, but now knows it was Tim the whole time. Attempts to goad Tim into staying in the house to burn to death, but also says Tim should go find him if he won't so that they can end things.

e86. OOF. Tim has indeed gone out to find Alex to end things, but despite the fact that Alex is still trying to kill him, Tim attempts to reason with him. This is where Alex explains that he's been doing everything he'd done in an attempt to cull the infection - he doesn't truly understand what's going on, but has been able to tell that the Operator is an influence that spreads from person to person and causes massive life-interrupting symptoms, and so Alex finally fell to attempting to kill everyone Half to stop the spread of the Operator before it could infect new people and Half to stop the progression of the illness in everyone before they could wind up hurt worse (mercy kill, in a way). Alex is not working for/with the Operator, he is actively attempting to work against it BUT, whether due to his own ignorance or possibly the Operator itself distorting his ability to think clearly, he has also been making things worse in his own way.

[Think it's important to denote here that basically EVERYONE involved was making things worse in their own ways. Jay's insatiable need to find answers was wreaking havoc and making things worse - his stalking of Tim and Alex caused more conflicts than it ever would have solved, he would have dragged Jessica back into the middle of everything without sparing a thought to the consequences, and even he acknowledges that continuing to look for answers is having a negative effect on him, but he still can't make himself stop. Brian I think was attempting to help, but his unclear motivations and his inability to communicate clearly tended to make the others more paranoid, which fed into the conflict and prolonged things. Alex was trying to stop the Operator, trying to keep the infection contained and prevent the suffering of those already infected, but the conflict he caused made the situation worse instead. TIM, though, is more or less proof that there is a way to continue living life while infected while also minimizing the symptoms - all honesty currently I do not believe this is due to the medication he takes. Brian is also taking these meds throughout the course of the series but they do not seem to make a big impact for him. Tim says he was 'doing fine and getting better' during the GAP he caught between the events of e76/33 and Jay finding (and stalking) him again in e53 <- I think that's because Tim was not actively embroiling himself in the midst of the Operator's influence by seeking to understand, or find answers, or seek revenge; he was going to work, and minding his own business, and keeping himself busy. ANYWAY]

Despite the fact that Tim is doing his best to reason with Alex in e86, Alex's dogged attempts to kill him means that he's having to try to fight Alex off physically. This leads to Alex being stabbed once. After that, Tim backs off for a moment, wavering, but when the Operator shows up in the room, Tim drops the camera and begins stabbing Alex repeatedly. This is due to the Operator's influence (hence why I'm not convinced Tim's medication does anything significant in fending it off, the meds are more or less placebo to me - the Removal of yourself from the midst of conflict and Rejection of the impulse to tangle yourself back into it is what I think makes a difference. Like how with quicksand, fighting it tends to wear you out And drag you deeper down inside of it, whereas keeping calm and stable gives you the opportunity to get out and free yourself. Or maybe like Radiation - the further you get yourself from the Source of it the less Damage you're dealt by it). When Tim finally stops, Alex still pleads with him to get rid of whoever Tim implied Alex to have missed earlier and then kill himself, because he still believes that's the safest course of action. Then, Alex dies. The Operator takes his corpse into the ark.

Tim collapses on the steps at the end of the footage. This is due to the Operator's influence still. Tim is not dead. Marble Hornets isn't a movie, and the channel exists inside the canon of the series - essentially, the way the story Works, the Creators Behind Marble Hornets aren't uploading the entries, the Characters Inside Marble Hornets are (hence what makes it unfiction). We know that Tim isn't dead at the end of this entry because Tim is the one who goes home and uploads the entry to youtube so that the audience is aware of what's going on. Tim is still alive. He is the only one left alive.

BUT. Entry 87. This is where it's Confirmed that Tim did seemingly encounter Jessica after the events showcased in the e76 footage. When Tim woke up lost in the woods, he likely ran into Jessica also lost in the woods, and helped her find her way out and got her an appointment with a doctor just like we saw him try with Jay in e75. Jessica did not die - she's the one Tim was referring to in e86 when he tells Alex 'you missed someone', because Alex also thought that Jess had died and listed her as dead in his monologue. Jessica is alive, and has been getting better because Tim was able to successfully keep her separated from all the bullshit - that's why he tells her that Jay moved. He knows that telling her Jay died would only bring her right back into the midst of things, send her searching on her own quest for answers, and send her spiraling again, so he lies.

We don't know what happens to Tim though. Entry 86 and 87 were uploaded in very close proximity to each other, so it's possible that his seeming set back in symptoms (coughing fit, collapsing, possible seizure) is because he's too close to the center of things. It's also possible that he's struggling to even try pulling himself out of the center of things - that maybe he can't bring himself to cope with the Operator's influence and reach 'remission' at all anymore. It's ambiguous, that's kind of my interpretation of the crossroads at the end of the entry - the one that cuts Right before we know what road Tim took. He could be planning on going back to a 'regular life' - keeping himself out of the conflict and keeping his head down and hopefully succeeding in 'doing fine, and getting better'. OR it's possible that he'll wind up in his own cycle - just like Jay, and Brian, and Alex - making things worse and spiraling and being unable to move on or escape the Operator's influence before it's too late.

Personally though, I do think Tim succeeds at getting better. I think he's done it too many times successfully (after he left adolescent inpatient care, and again after college, and again around the Chronological timeline of season 2) to fall into the glue trap at this point. I think he left Jessica on her own bc the proximity would be too much of a risk in creating a kind of feedback loop, and went back to work, and got a new house, and lives a quiet life as healthily as he can (albeit grieved by what he's lost).

(On the other coin though, in the sequel comics, Jessica is certainly wiggling her way right into the lure all over again ;3c)

!!! And that's the end of Marble Hornets!! I hope this long winded explanation helped to clear things up, and if there's anything that I forgot or something you're still confused about never in a million years do you need to hesitate to ask!! I would be more than happy to explain some more if you'd like ;3c

[mlchaelwheeler]

okay season 2 (best season!) hot take: the kali episode where el had her girlboss moment was actually really good and I genuinely don't understand why everyone hates it? I loved el getting a sister & an aunt, and just familial relationships in general outside of hopper. they need to bring back kali I miss her

send me a hot take?

[wren-of-the-woods]

🪄🎀 for the ask game <33

Thank you so much for the ask, Emma!

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

Let's see... I think I can be pretty eloquent and I'm good at digging into a character's emotional state! And I can write decent action scenes when I need to, which is nice.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

It varies from story to story, but I often try to do something completely different for a while after sharing a fic to keep myself from being too nervous. I also try to post in the morning! I don't have an established routine to celebrate, but I got a little Jaskier action figure around when I finished the draft for Spectre's Soul and I finished my crochet Shelby just before posting the last chapter of Sometimes it Takes a Prison Cell. Maybe I'll try to get a trinket to commemorate each longfic!

From this ask game!

[48787]

alright that's enough for one day, no more random tumblr posts i need to go to bed. But first I'm gonna vent just a bit to wrap up.

Went through like 3-too-many catharses/breakdowns-followed by-breakthroughs(-followed by-breakdowns) for one day and i think i've hit the limit on being able to channel it productively into dumbass tumblr posts Most weren't even my catharses or breakthroughs!! I'm in, like, catharsis debt right now!!! Shit fucking blows but at least I can make dumbass late night tumblr posts in the meanwhile to indirectly work out thoughts, positions, and schemes when i'm too exhausted to write plans down explicitly in my notes software and figure out the exact right things to say/do that lets my scheme targets experience their catharses in ways that doesn't compromise my own agency/genuine emotion, or at least does so in a way that builds to being able to having my own genuine catharsis in the future without jeopardizing my sanity or animorphing into a fucking beetle all Kafka style. This still isn't much more than a dumb late night tumblr post, it's probably nonsensical if you don't personally know me, but maybe it's healthy to vent about shit a bit more directly from time to time, even if I leave out specifics... A lot of my issues, internally or (more frequently rn) externally, stem explicitly from not being able to be direct about problems/feelings and I've definitely been avoiding making actual posts in general because of wrongful/unproductive/sub-optimal internalization of that external bunk... I don't know, we'll see in the morning how I feel! I've certainly been posting a lot more, writing a lot more, rambling a lot more, etc and things definitely have been improving because of that specifically, but maybe venting-on-main is a step too far and I already still have a lot of work I need to do before I can start making "presentable" pieces of anything so it being too big of a step isn't that unwarranted of a fear. Tomorrow's problem though, I need to sleep before I can work anything out right now.

[teddywesworl]

ok y'all said you want director's commentary so I'm gonna start by saying a couple things about 🪑 since it recently celebrated 2k kudos

🪑DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY LET'S GO

1.

A fun fact about the poems at the beginning of each chapter is that I took two of the poet's classes in college, and she might be solely responsible for convincing me I was a good writer and should pursue the skill. I don't know how she'd feel about me using her poetry to thematically frame an explicit fanfic, but that's neither here nor there.

As a poet, she (I'm not naming her here in case she might possibly name search on tumblr, lol) is obsessed with transformation and with the discord between the material and spiritual self. Blackberries, Brambles in its entirety goes as follows:

Akhmatova wrote, "O look!—that fresh dark elderberry branch is like a letter from Marina…" And she was right, branches criss- cross, words sharpen. We lop them down, fit them into envelopes. But I forget: you don't do letters: Too much tangled in thickets and desperation. Did I say envelopes? I meant elevators. See, I've snagged favourite sweaters in high rises, snarled hair in hedges, given up skin scrapings for blackberries, tongueburst, the sweet stain, explosion under light canine pressure. Don't you just wish you were a dog sometimes? No panic. Romping through brambles. Even in delirium, near death, Akhmatova remembered. Her bitter friend had been dead a long time. Love. Don't think I'm thinking about you. Anything but you.

Akhmatova here being Russian poet Anna Akhmatova, and the Marina in question is Marina Tsvetaeva. You can go on as much or as little of a research spiral about them as you like; many of the layers of this poem are in the reference to Akhmatova and Tsvetaeva, but I was mostly interested in the commentary on the cost of pleasure. I've snagged favourite sweaters in high rises, snarled hair in hedges, given up skin scrapings for blackberries. What are you willing to pay for happiness? Wouldn't it be nice not to think about it? Wouldn't it be nice not to be afraid to pay?

2.

Obviously the other major literary framing device is A Room With A View. The movie, specifically, but obviously the Forster novel as well. A Room With A View is about the clash between tradition and modernity, familial duty vs. adventure and romance, etc. etc. etc. And like, listen, the Duffers have not put this much thought into Steve Harrington, but his arc, despite them, is that of the ultimate privileged 80s all-American masculine symbol taking a slow, deliberate turn toward Otherness. He was supposed to die a static character. He did not, and now we're all writing fic about it.

I probably didn't need to have Eddie literally whack the point home with a hammer with the you're Lucy line in chapter 2, but here we are.

3.

The other bits of ~Art~ in the Steve chapter are Elton John's The Fox and Bruce Springsteen's The River. As follows:

But if you’re wily, you will leave them lying, snared up in the traps that they set for you, Elton sings. And it’s an evergreen affair— Steve lifts the record out and replaces it with The River. Springsteen sings, you're walkin' tough, baby, but you're walkin' blind and that’s not really better.

The Elton John record, you may recall, was a compromise between Eddie and Nancy. The inclusion of these lines in particular was very vibes-based, but hopefully the vibes are semi-coherent. Snares. Traps. The hunter, the fox. Btw the next lines after these are:

As temptation taunts the fox Into the hunter's waiting lair

Which, okay. Teasing out the vibes just a little. Argyle interprets Nancy as Lucy (and implies, without meaning to, that Steve is Cecil--a character that represents old money and tradition and duty and, like. Being trapped). Nancy would probably also view herself as the titular Fox. And Steve has bought into this line of thinking! He sees himself as the snare! He has internalized the idea of life with him being a trap! He is Bullshit, etc.

Eddie complicates this self-concept. Through him, Steve becomes the Fox and Lucy. Temptation taunts the fox into the hunter's waiting lair, after all. And, you know: 🪑🪢

(The Springsteen lines are just. All Steve.)

Ok I have to go feed some horses. More.... later. eventually.

[staticofthetv]

Take two!

Favourite frames from the new B-Side chapter, featuring some analysis because I have coherent thoughts this time 'round :D

Beware, spoilers below for the B-Side as well as the manga

@veiled-bird that goes for you too, you're nowhere near meeting this guy yet

First up, I love this chapters art. It reminds me of when I was little and asking my dad to help my brother and I beat the last level of episode 3 in lego star wars tcs

Also the chapter title? I have so many thoughts, they'll be discussed more in depth further down but they will be discussed /pos

Numbers weapon 1 mention!! I'm very excited to (hopefully) get more lore about it. Although I am curious if it's like a contact lens or something, I thought it was closer to a surgical implant or maybe some weird side effect from using numbers weapon 1. Mostly because I don't think he's been drawn with normal eyes yet in the manga (at least from what I remember)

Either way very much hoping we get some more numbers weapon 1 lore in this :)

This whole scene but specifically "what good does a test proving I'm abnormal do" hits so hard, especially as someone diagnosed with ADHD in my late teens. Having that feeling of there's something wrong with me for so long and being brushed off every time because I didn't act like the stereotypical 10 year old boy with severe ADHD (a psychiatrist literally told me and my mum i probably had adhd but she wouldnt diagnose me,) I did start to kind of give up on ever figuring it out.

Narumi was incredibly relatable to me in the main manga (not because I'm a badass, I'm very lame lmao) because of the behaviours he exhibits, hyperfocusing on games, constant dopamine seeking (through videogames and online shopping,) needing to be fiddling with something to better process the information being given out, etc.

Narumi is also incredibly smart, its stated explicitly that he got top scores in the entrance exam and I can't imagine those tests are anywhere near easy. It gives neurodivergent kid being told they just need to apply themselves to do better in school/make friends/just function in a neurotypical way in general.

This also comes from his being kicked out of several orphanages, and then even after joining the defence force (especially after being told by Isao that they take anyone that can show skills and results) getting kicked out by the second division and every platoon in the first until he ends up under hasegawa. Considering the title too this is 100% supposed to read as the classic "troubled kid" (many of which are neurodivergent) that not many are willing to put effort into helping. Isao is giving him a way out of the life of having no home to go back to, only to be struck with the threat of getting kicked out once again a year later. Narumi is a very skilled and capable fighter and no one in their right mind would argue with that and it once again all comes down to being labelled as too difficult, hard to work with, never paying attention

This chapter just hits so close to home with me

Baby Mina!! I know there's a decent amount if it in the manga but it's still weird to see her with short hair. I love her so much

There are many more words of appreciation I have but all thought went into dissecting Narumi's character lol

And so being kicked around by hasegawa begins

I love his face here, top tier expression

And here we see Isao solidifying the thought of skill and results being all that matters, there's no way Isao was going to let Narumi get kicked out, especially not after showing aptitude for handling numbers weapon 1. I like to think at this point he does also care for Narumi, I think he sees a lot of Kikoru (or what she could be) in him and especially he sees himself in Narumi. And even though he's only ranked captain Isao would clearly fight to keep Narumi on the force (he probably already had to for Narumi to get transferred to the first division instead of just being dropped when he didn't mesh with the second)

This is also the beginning of Isao and Narumi's mentor/mentee relationship, Isao knows exactly how to handle Narumi and his child prodigy-ness and help him reach his potential as a defence force officer. I think that's part of why Isao shows little care for how Narumi handles himself when off duty, it may be that he knows he can't change Narumi in that way, it may be that he himself just doesn't care for all the professional decorum, either way Isao plays the very important role of being Narumi's main support while he's in the defence force (until Isao dies anyway, whoops.) Narumi needed a space where he could not only be himself but be accepted for it and have the trust of his peers and superiors that he would get the job done when he needs to, and whether it was on purpose or not Isao provided exactly that for him.

This also ties back into the earlier ramble about Narumi being the typical undiagnosed neurodivergent "troubled kid"

(Also the origin of what Narumi says to Kikoru ~9 years in the future :D)

Omg jaeger is canon? Kaiju no. 8 and pacific rim crossover when? /j

Another interesting tidbit about Narumi is his self confidence, he knows he's capable and isn't afraid to tell people that. He says playing support is annoying but what I see is someone that knows he can do better placed somewhere else and has decided to take that into his own hands. He won't get kicked out of the defense force but I wouldn't be surprised if he gets into a shit ton of trouble for taking Isao's words to heart and disregarding his orders, even though I do think he'll be an asset to the battle and perform better being closer to the front lines.

Poor hasegawa has his work cut out for him keeping Narumi in check (a captain and vice-captain match made in hell)