#maybe through weird art stuff!
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alright that's enough for one day, no more random tumblr posts i need to go to bed. But first I'm gonna vent just a bit to wrap up.
Went through like 3-too-many catharses/breakdowns-followed by-breakthroughs(-followed by-breakdowns) for one day and i think i've hit the limit on being able to channel it productively into dumbass tumblr posts
Most weren't even my catharses or breakthroughs!! I'm in, like, catharsis debt right now!!! Shit fucking blows but at least I can make dumbass late night tumblr posts in the meanwhile to indirectly work out thoughts, positions, and schemes when i'm too exhausted to write plans down explicitly in my notes software and figure out the exact right things to say/do that lets my scheme targets experience their catharses in ways that doesn't compromise my own agency/genuine emotion, or at least does so in a way that builds to being able to having my own genuine catharsis in the future without jeopardizing my sanity or animorphing into a fucking beetle all Kafka style.
This still isn't much more than a dumb late night tumblr post, it's probably nonsensical if you don't personally know me, but maybe it's healthy to vent about shit a bit more directly from time to time, even if I leave out specifics... A lot of my issues, internally or (more frequently rn) externally, stem explicitly from not being able to be direct about problems/feelings and I've definitely been avoiding making actual posts in general because of wrongful/unproductive/sub-optimal internalization of that external bunk... I don't know, we'll see in the morning how I feel! I've certainly been posting a lot more, writing a lot more, rambling a lot more, etc and things definitely have been improving because of that specifically, but maybe venting-on-main is a step too far and I already still have a lot of work I need to do before I can start making "presentable" pieces of anything so it being too big of a step isn't that unwarranted of a fear. Tomorrow's problem though, I need to sleep before I can work anything out right now.
#vent post#vague posting#i guess lol#I suppose it's important to note for vague posting that if any of this makes sense to you it probably isn't about you or anything#I'm far too on-edge to make any vague posts that could easily be seen by who they're about#but trying to get better at not letting fear paralyze me from talking about my issues. Even if indirectly (Still on-edge after all).#Taking an deliberate risk making a public post but working under the assumption that my worries#about being monitored or whatever are unhealthy and I should work to dissipate them.#Nothing too concerning still just indirectly working out plans like I said#Hopefully one day I can talk about my schemes and notes and all that weird stuff more openly#maybe through weird art stuff!#But it's all too current rn not to require too much specific and niche context to be coherent to anyone other than myself.#Once I get past some thresholds I can worry about presentational/artistic stuff. Just not quite there yet though.#So for now you have to “handle” me projecting a little too hard onto certain transformers characters/certain fire emblem characters/etc lol#I'm failing to actually do my current plan of getting the fuck to sleep so no more tags no more posting. hitting enter#good night
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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it would be nice to have a separate place for my stupid little comics considering that i never panel or plan anything and so consequently they're just rlly rlly long
#a sideblog maybe. my fear of spamming people triumphs my desire to share art#i still really like dirtmouth and everyone in it and im always drawing stuff for them but ALSO#my art is so out of context#i feel like if you didnt know me itd be like huh and whuh#thats why i dont rlly maintag it#but im always so emotional about dirtmouth ughh its just not fair#you cant even get infected up there and its still a dead town#it had this- weird symbiotic relationship with hallownest and had no choice but to go down with it#like idk what was going on with the townsppl like were they lured down there by a certain moth or was it their hubris god knows#maybe it was dead long before they decided to leave. but its not fair....... elderbug needs friends....... BRETTA NEEDS FRIENDS#i have a save file where all the npcs are there but im still conflicted on whether to keep grimm around or sacrifice him for brumm idkkk#going through it today fellas....
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something a little silly
(he's not actually angry at the "drugs" thing, just busy trying not to die)
oh i almost forgot
transcript of my bad handwriting:
Page 1 Panel 1: 2013, 1:38 pm (sfx: DING DING DING)
Panel 2: 9th period, 1:40 pm
Peter's internal thought bubble: "Oh shit my meds"
Panel 3:
Student 1: Hi, Mr. Parker!
Peter: mm-hm
Panel 4:
Student 1: Mr. Parker? Hello?
(Student 2: Huh?)
Panel 5:
Peter: Hm?
Student 1: What are those, tic tacs?
Student 2: No, he's doing drugs!!! (In class!)
Text pointing to Peter's hand holding his pills says "PTSD medication"
Peter: HKFGH (choking noise)
Page 2:
Panel 1:
Student 1: Are you okay?!
(Student 2: oh fuck)
Peter: COUGH COUGH
Panel 2:
(sfx: WHEEZE)
Peter: It's not DRUGS!
Panel 3, Peter cont.: Well, I mean, it is drugs, but it's prescription—it's medication. OK?
#came in through the window last night#peter parker#nadiart#fanadiart#rough art#comics#spiderman#always feel weird tagging the au stuff just cause it's so specific but... well i won't pretend i look at the peter parker tag lol#a post arguably still about a somewhat serious topic but with a more lighthearted mood#bright blue capsules = 5mg generic prazosin just fyi#he takes it starting in early 2013 to prevent flashbacks and nightmares (technically it's a blood pressure medication tho)#he takes it in morning. afternoon (at work). and bedtime. otherwise he can barely leave the house.#i was picturing this in fall after he's a little more functional but still kinda fucked#In Retrospect I'm not sure that him getting a job in 2013 makes sense though like it's a miracle he graduated from his master's program#on the other hand he strikes me as the kind of guy who works himself harder when stressed... but a few months is a very quick turnaround#maybe i should have him doing full time classes instead of pt and finish his degree over fall 2012 or smth... idk#i'll figure all that stuff out Later#anyway my approach to peter's shirts is generally anything that looks thrifted where he saw it in all its hideousness and said#''i love it''#also don't get it twisted the only reason peter even carries a water bottle is for his pills#accidentally pavlov'd himself into being hydrated but not into buying a reusable bottle lmao
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doodles of the gay idiots feat Mona and my girlfriend's oc, Lilly :) (who is also a gay idiot)
#oh the pain Mona would have Peter go through when playing#Jay tried to warn him but he didn't listen#though Jay would probably fall harder for Peter when watching him play with Mona#also yeah I got a girlfriend now look at me go I'm so cool#Jay would ask Peter to buy him the most random stuff btw#he'd ask a bunch of weird questions too. like “would you still love me if I were a worm” or#“would you still love me if I murdered your family and spoke German only and stitched your mouth to someone's ass?”#important questions. silly nonetheless#when moving in with Peter. Jay would lounge around the house a bunch once he'd gotten used to the place#and he'd get lost in the woods at least once a week. Peter would panic and go in looking for him#just to find Jay running through a stream or something. maybe fighting a bear or petting a bird idk depends on his mood#fun fact: in my friends au Mona is Lilly's and Jay's kid who's part pancake. more on taht later or something idk it's a long story#anyway idk what else to say#my art#void#friends au#peter yb#your boyfriend#your boyfriend game#Peter Dunbar#Jay#Mona#color palette#pansexual#transgender#jacob skelton#oc stuff
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on the mind
#nbc hannibal#beverly katz#will graham#abigail hobbs#molly graham#bella crawford#hannibal#there’s also a freddie lounds#some of these were gonna be their own posts. others were gonna be full on Art Drawings#but i’m in a weird mental state rn so. i probably won’t be drawing for bit#next week i’m gonna post something that i was going to fully line etc etc but just. didn’t.#& then maybe i’ll scour through my art & see what i’m willing to post or not#whether or not i post stuff that is finished & planned soon is. In The Air rn#anyways have this. i’m sleepy#also fucking rip molly. she ruled
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y'know, I've been seeing a lot more posts talking about how fanfic, specifically, puts characters into boxes and takes away the nuance of them, and while I think that's an important discussion to have, I also find it quite perplexing? Like, these posts seem to come from people who don't even, or maybe very rarely, consume fics in the first place, and I say that because, if you do consume fics semi-regularly, you kind of learn? how to gage what the stories and characterisation are going to be like based on the tags and summary? Sometimes, you do have to step into the fic to figure it out, but it hardly takes very long to realise if it gels with you or not. Idk, it's not anything serious or important, but it does give me... "girl, what were you doing at the devil's sacrament" vibes, you know?
#this gets posted here because my main has mutuals (whom i still love v much) who are part of the girls suspiciously at the sacrament#fanfiction#ao3#i feel like the post doesnt properly address what i mean. i understand that these posts arent talking about fics exactly but rather how#mischaracterisation in fics permeates into how characters are portrayed in the fandom at large but even then it's a bit. like i dont think#you can put that all on the fics/writers (and these posts usually do) alone?? like yes the mischaracterisation is more prominent in fics#by virtue of their medium but if it's resonating with artists and other creators then that's clearly indicative of a general#cognisance issue in the fandom??? and like. maybe it's because tumblr is the only socmed site i use but i dont find it difficult to curate#my fandom experience. people generally know how to use tags and while the sudden influx of x reader stuff for every single character isnt#something im fond of either they're generally good at tagging their stuff. it's annoying but you can blacklist that. you can.#also fic isnt like art where you look at it and you've seen it. you have to engage with a fic to understand so then it /really/ feels like#girl what were you doing at the devil's sacrament to me. idk this post isnt complaining about fandom mischaracterisation in general#i complain about that all the time but more so the inclination to put it on fics & their writers. because if you know how to move through#fic spaces and read the summaries and tags#you can generally find works that are really really good. could you argue they're rare? sure. but saying all fics propogate#mischaracterisation is just... a lie?#this got so long. im not even really bothered or annoyed by it im just confused#these are also often the people who espouse rhetoric about being unafraid to post cringe and embracing your weirdness#and it's like. okay do you want people to post unabashedly or do you want them to shut up.#anyway. back to our regularly scheduled programme now
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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being the resident nezuko liker is such a challenge sometimes
#ooo these tags contain complaining if u dont like that then see ya around <3#i would love to scroll through the tag without being bombarded by. awfulness. both bot and fandom posted#yknow. yknow. that is a 12 yr old#it has become!!! genuinely frustrating! it always has been#and i dont mean to complain but. man. im just disappointed#and.while kinda begin the kny mascot she is barley present in fan made content. with meaning. and its all mostly reposted art ugh.#and even official stuff has her only as little child nezuko and!! i get it its cute whatever but it feel so pandery and wrong all the time#i just poitn. that is not her that is a facet u r choosign to hyperfocus on show me the real her#and lets be honest the og stroyline isnt kind to her etiher she is nonexistent after swordsmith#i remember for a time when idid post abt her i was one of the inly consistent nezuko artists who wanted to like. put her in scenarios#and i want reiterate again that drawing cute art and gifs of her is fine it doesnt hurt anyone. i love to see it actually#but like. in a fandom as big as this youd think. youd think they like her more!!!! but no#and. the last thing i want to insinuate is “if u dont like my fav character then u suck” cus thats is not how fandom content works. at all#fandom is a experience for u to cultivate for yourself. and sometimes it just comes up short!!! i guess#it jsut felt weird being lonely in your liking of an aspect of the series where there are so many ppl. yet they all only like the hot men.#which again. u do u. nothign wrong with it. its anime afterall. it can just be frustrating sometimes.#idk! im also not very social so maybe its just my fault but. man. id love to find some other resident nezuko likers that. isnt just shippin#i feel interacting would be so much easier if my fav was like. one of the main boys like everyone else. or i made ship content or somethin#but like i said fandom is for u and u only if that makes sense. the point is to create things u want to see. which is what i do and enjoy#just with nezuko specifcally. i dotn want to put my stuff of her in the tags anymore cuz i just. dont trust the fandom with her. its weird#but also. appreciate those who did interact. i hope ur all doing alright <3 ty for talkign with me :]#i just needed to get this out cuz its. kinda why i dotn post abt kny anymore. especially the s3 fandom im sorry i just dont vibe with it </
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art is fun except for the several times it's not
#I spent four more hours awake then I wanted to just for the drawing to not even look that good at the end.#where are the “suffering is integral to art” crowd. where is my applause for forcing myself through that hell over a truly mediocre piece.#maybe it's the burning hatred in my heart for this piece forcing me to being awake at such a truly awful hour clouding my judgement#maybe tomorrow I will be a changed person. one with eyes untained by the veneer of vitriol. ready to appraise this work on it's own merit.#today is not tomorrow though so. this is just how my day has been I guess#tired tumblr posts#saying stuff#where is my applause for my suffering arguably being integral to the creation of this piece.#I am listening ever so patiently for a single clap from the apparent oh so vast audience that says art is not truly art if it is not painful#I am waiting in a silent room. where is my promised applause.#(I'm mostly being dramatic because I'm tired)#(pink dni.) (you were most definitely going to reblog this with “this is what I mean when I say you're weird tokoyami.” and I know that.)#(that's what you did. if you were wondering.)
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It's either coming up to my period again OR I've just developed a disease where I get misty eyed at even the most banal sequences and scenes in ghibli movies. I was crying during the early parts of ponyo
#ramblings of a lunatic#ponyo is not a very emotional movie i just kept being like#OUGHHH LITTLE BABY...LITTLE BABY HAS TO TAKE CARE OF HIS MOM WHILE HIS DAD IS AWAY AT SEA...OUGH LITTLE FISH GIRL#nothing as bad as when i was crying during every scene in kikis delivery service tho lmao#i still haven't seen very many ghibli movies but they're all pretty wonderful#i had another art exam today so i think I'm gonna chill for the rest of the night now that's i watched the cute fish movie#I'll watch something new soon (i am eyeing that movie ever after 👁️👁️ sorry i still can't kick the fairytale spinterest revival rn)#but until then I'm gonna have fun#be silly hehe#I'm also at a weird place with my toh hyperfix where like. i went through intense pre-grief (is that?? what it's called)#like. near the beginning of the month#just being so so sad about it ending and the inevitable fandom dwindle that'll come with that (OBJECTIVE WORST PART!!!)#but that pre-grief was so intense that now I'm at a weird place of peace with it#once the shows over I'll probably start being able to actually like. watch and read other things now hsbdjdhfk#but i imagine it'll stay my main interest (to u guys. I'm more complex irl) for a good while (i wanna make more art i wanna try writing!!!)#just with other stuff spliced in as it comes (i wanna get back on reading sailor moon. maybe check in on deltarune again)#(TRY and get back into tlt again. hell maybe I'll check in on comics again! who knows)#but tbh as long as i find toh on my dash i doubt I'll ever really leave it behind lol#again- a relatively positive fandom experience plus a deep connection with the work is a recipe for me being Not Normal forever#I'm. making less sense as this goes on#anyway. you get it! I'm a big cry baby but also I'm at a state of peace for the moment. yeehaw
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back on my tomfoolery. aha.
#might draw eat thing indevidually#not used to the constraints of the panels nd its lowkey killing my vibes.#itlls looks weird to post. but. eh. these r for me lmao#my art#llewyn winston#esteban ischeny#love trap#in this au. someone tries to curse the third price (ofc ofc) but Wyn consumes it instead#and then goes through the Horrors (bc of mumbo jumbo resistance. all that tiem togethwr gotta lead to a lil bit of resistance right? right.)#so he isnt kills kff like instantly lmao#mayb xrown prince would b concerned. or this his brothers at faukt kmaoooo#personally i just wanna see esteban worried <3 he would look so cute ykno#anyways Curse Stuff after the horrors are experienced esteban wakes up one day to his lover in three parts#mostly basic shit bcose i havent thpugh ab it to hard but like angel/devil and secret third one (childhood)#think thise oldschool cartoon eps where so magic turns someone into liem 5 diff people to rep their emotions and hie they act. Yeag#wanted that but simplified and small bc god knows what the loser would do to like 5 Wyns KSJFJSKFKSKFCSGD#wnted childhood to be smallest bc its his most repressed. his most doubtful <3 the part of him that never grew up/never met th crown prince#and such. never got that revigoured fate ehe#angel / devil r just his morality vs lust vs denial#prolly gonna swotch it round bc its ehhh#mayb one is his devotion/loyalty/etc the other reps his wants and desires (whore) (but also sword dancing bc i think hed look cool)#basocally his orderly vs his repressed vs his Repressed. u get me#calling this one...#triple trap au
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What if I did another F/O take over event for February? For my birthday? But this time instead of it being every F/O it was only the Ideal Polycule? Would y’all interact with that? Just askin
#Cause like... I want to?#I always draw them as a banner for my birthday#Maybe this year we'll make it the whole thing#And you can ask any one of them any questions or like#Maybe I'll have them make their own posts?#Would that be weird? Would people think that's weird?#Probably...#F/O takeovers are all the way weird because they rely almost entirely on follower participation#and idk I don't wanna make you guys do that#I also don't know where to find Takeover ask games#Proselfship#I dunno I dunno it's a thing I thought of today looking through old asks#Because I like writin' Teru's and Taishi's accent#They're cute...#I dunno lemme know#Tell me it's weird if you think it's weird I can just draw myself some art and what not#I don't wanna make you guys do stuff for me like I already do that all the time with ask games#I don't wanna be TOO annoying#Every once in a while I think Zen should be in the Ideal polycule ya know#But the main thing of the ideal polycule is their real foodie people and they all collectivly cured me of my eating disorder#Well not cured you don't really get cured of things like that do you#but they made me recognize eating as something I should do and something they'd want me to do#Now I'm just trauma dumping this is a weird post sorry#I like the polycule as is... Tho Zen would fit in really well too.......#Hm....#Anyway. Takeover. Lemme know.
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I am cursed with the burden of liking so many things but not having energy to make art for all the things I like 😭
#i want to make legos art i want to make art for niche video games i want to draw all the cartoons that inspire me#but i cant 😔#i have a hard time making art i think is post worthy quality on a consistent basis </3#legit don't know how ppl can post so much girl i would Die#also im p occupied with school rn so i rlly shouldnt be spending time on non mandatory projects#and making art of stuff thats more niche or not what i have an audience for?? idk theres the risk of it flopping#while i know stuff like that doesnt diminish the value of my work it still stings man. esp when its hard for me to make stuff anyway#its like. why go through the effort if i know ppl wont care yknow#though i have gotten better at just not giving a shit anymore i still will make posts/rb abt stuff that everybody just ignores#but i dont care bc i need to have weird music and videos and images on my blog. I'll die without them. its my lifeblood#hopefully i can channel that energy more into posting abt leas popular things. maybe even original stuff-#lol sike there's basically nothing in the world that will make me confident in posting my ocs lmaooo#sorry i just dont think too highly on my abilities to develop my original content#so i just keep them all to myself to avoid the possibility of showing them to other ppl and they just straight up hate it ajdgfkfjhf#rando thoughtz
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#i mean i gotta have some weird freudian stuff in here right#i think that like 90% of my writing style gets made sense of once you realise that my trains of thought follow similar patterns as etymology#'how are THOSE things connected'#well you see. through 6 degrees of separation#like precision caesura and cement#can make connections really well#not so good at interpreting them tho#i wonder if that defeats their purpose#i mean does it nullify any meaning that couldve been there#do i make my writing meaningless by acknowledging that i dont juxtapose to convey meaning - meaning coalesces in juxtaposition#and the juxtaposition is just for fun#im...#oh my god am i just putting all my toys in a row?#maybe i am#'that was a nice shape now if i do it /another/ way'#the point of the thing is the connecting. not like. some kind of meaning that i have in my head#im not making connections to convey meaning im making connections /to make connections/#i think that makes me a bad artist#or at least it makes my art bad#i still have fun with it so maybe im not a bad artist#but i wil admit to this and not promise to stop#i think THAT makes me a bad artist probably#bc if i really cared about... art. good art. meaningful art. then i would not be content with making meaningless art#once i realised thats what im doing. right?#an artist with integrity would do something else#'i shouldnt do this but i am and im not gonna stop'#'i should...apologist for something?'#i also believe subconsciously theres somethingimmoral to sharing art that you dont believe to be. like. of quality#i think it's fine to make art that is not the best you could have done. but if you share it with the world THEN that becomes immoral#i dont know why i believe that. it's probably about integrity again
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i want to write a comic about being trans but ughhh why is it so hard ,,,
#and i mean a comic about my own experiences and stuff#not a comic with a trans character because i already have a draft for that!#it’s just that i like making vent comic talking in first person about my shit#comics*#and talking about things like failed relationships or my mental health and self esteem is easy#but when i write about my transness it quickly becomes an unorganized mess#i think i dont even understand my identity enough to put into words. maybe i should write a comic about that lol#but yeah it’s weird. because everything i write feels like it’s not close to what i really feel#it could be misunderstood or it’s not coherent enough#maybe im being too harsh on myself but if a comic doesn’t have a point to make i don’t see a reason to finish it#but whatever. i have many ideas to finish so maybe by the time i draw all the comics i want to draw#i’ll have a good idea for a comic about being trans and finding out my identity later than i expected#okay that’s it just some thoughts. it’s a bit frustrating when i can’t express my feelings through art#jay talks
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