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gar-trek · 4 years

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please share what you have to say about food cubes!!

I was feeling a little apprehensive about releasing the TOS Food Document™ because it is so damn long…. But since you asked anon

DISCLAIMER:

This is focused solely on food as it appears in the original series. Whatever explanation of food synthesizer/replicator that may come in later series does to apply here. I am also not a Star Trek expert. I’m sure there is some super fan out there who knows everything there is to know about food in TOS, but that person is not me. This is just my thoughts as I’ve observed instances where food is shown or mentioned in TOS. If my thought process is flawed, or I make some claims that don’t really make sense, I am sorry. The food canon is very complicated and vague, so this is me just trying my best to make sense of it. I’d also like to mention I did not explicitly cover the meal scene in What Are Little Girls Made Of? Or the ice cream scene from And The Children Shall Lead, but I do make reference to them. I’m sure there are other food scenes I didn’t get to cover here, so if I’m missing a few pieces, I’m sorry.

Anyway… let’s get into it!

The original series, food, and other things that keep me up at night

I don’t care about continuity or plot holes in Star Trek: The Original Series, and if I did, I think the show would become rather unwatchable. It’s not about what happens to get us from plot point A to B, but more important that we do get there (ie, who cares how or why Spock’s brain has been removed from his body, it’s more important that we do get it back inside).

This being said, there is one aspect to TOS that baffles me to no end, and its something I just cannot overlook: the food. Food, the entire concept of it as it appears in TOS haunts me. Each time they show or mention food it makes less and less sense. It’s a never-ending nightmare and I spend every day trying to understand what goes on in the Enterprise Cafeteria. Today I would like to explore a couple food instances on TOS, and hopefully make a little sense of what is happening.

The first chilling incident: The Man Trap (S1E2) - Rand is a thief

In this episode, we see Yeoman Rand on her way to deliver Sulu his meal. She is carrying a tray of colored food cubes (which is what I will be referring to them as here, because there is no official name) and what we can assume to be some kind of alien variant of celery (earth celery with some red crap stuck on top). While waiting for the turbo lift, Rand eats one of the celery sticks intended for Sulu. My question is why. Like literally why does this happen. Sulu never mentions it (maybe he doesn’t notice). She never mentions it to him, which means we can assume she doesn’t want him to know. So why is Rand stealing food? Does she not get enough to eat? Is the limits for how much you get to eat on the Enterprise that strict you need to turn to thievery to get a proper meal? and if that the case, she’s shorting Sulu on his allotted food. In this same scene, we see Ensign Green (who is really a salt-sucking monster) make a grab for the tray as if he too is going to steal Sulu’d food. However, Rand slaps his hand away and asks “who do you think you are?”, a hypocritical statement considering Rand is also in the act of stealing food. So Rand, I must pose the same question to you. This scene has no resolution, so any interpretation is up to the viewer. Whether you think Rand's actions make her a girlboss or a thief, is up to you, however, one thing is undeniably true: Rand eats food off other people's plates.

Other food-related things of note in this episode is that Sulu sprinkles salt on the celery sticks. This means they are either bland or that's just his personal taste. Also, when Rand gives him his tray, he says “may the great bird of the galaxy bless your planet” and this has nothing really to do with food, I just thought it was kind of badass.

(Sulu’s food tray with 3 celery instead of 4 because Rand ate one)

Incident two: Charlie X (S1E3) - synthetic meatloaf

In Charlie X, we see Captain Kirk make this comment in passing:

“Today on earth it is Thanksgiving, if the crew has to eat synthetic meatloaf I want it to look like turkey.”

This statement leaves us with a couple undeniable truths:

1. Meatloaf is a meal option on the Enterprise.

2. It is synthetic, meaning the meatloaf may not contain any meat at all.

3. It is not shaped like turkey, but it is possible to do so.

if the meatloaf served on the Enterprise is synthetic, then it very well could be made out of the same stuff the colored food cubes are made out of. Also, (and this is pure speculation so take it with a grain of salt) since we never hear anyone refer to the colored food cubes by name, they could literally be the “synthetic meatloaf” that Kirk is referring to here. In this case, the term synthetic meatloaf would not mean a synthetic version of the popular American dish meatloaf but instead loafs of synthetic meat. Since we do not know exactly what synthetic meat looks like, it very well could be brightly colored cubes.

In either case, Kirk is asking them to turn synthetic food from one shape to another. We understand this is possible through the food synthesizer, however, if all the food they eat on the Enterprise is synthetic anyway, then why did Kirk specifically mention synthetic meatloaf in the shape of turkey? would the turkey not instead be made out of synthetic turkey? why must the synthetic turkey be made specifically out of meatloaf? isn’t every single food that comes out of the food synthesizer made out of the same thing? It would have made more sense for Kirk to say “it's thanksgiving so can you made the food synthesizers produce turnkey?”. However, Kirk is like, a really cool guy, so it is possible that the meatloaf comment is just a fun joke. Either way, we know that synthetic meatloaf is a standard menu item on the enterprise, yet we have never seen anyone consume it.

Incident 3: The Corbomite Maneuver (S1E11) - Green leaves

In this episode, Kirk goes in for a physical, and Doctor McCoy reports that the captain is 2 pounds overweight. In response to this, the Doctor changes the captain's dietary card to help him lose a little wight (🙄). We later see the captain served a “dietary salad” in place of his usual meals. The existence of dietary salad is interesting for many reasons. Most importantly, we understand that dietary salad is somehow better for you than what is usually served on the Enterprise. It most likely has a lower caloric intake than say, colored food cubes. However, as discussed before, most if not all the food on the Enterprise is synthetic. If the food is created, and not naturally made, then one can assume its caloric value can be controlled. Would it not be possible to make a lower-calorie version of colored food cubes? one would assume that the cubes are made to have the perfect amount of nutrients to satisfy yet keep humans a healthy weight if they are in fact a form of synthetic man-made food. How would the captain overeat, if portions are pre-determined by dietary cards? Is Kirk somehow going rouge and consuming food that is not created by the food synthesizer (the captain's secret cookie stockpile??).

The existence of this salad also begs another question: is it synthetic as well, or are they growing fresh salad on the Enterprise? We do know that they are able to grow things on the ship, however, there has never been any discussion of growing crops specifically for consumption. If this is the case though, it may explain why we often see crew members eating celery sticks. Perhaps things like celery sticks and dietary salads are grown on the Enterprise, but all other food is synthetically created. In which case, who’s job is it to harvest food and prepare it for meals? Did Rand have to put that dietary salad together all on her own?

One more interesting point about the Salad: When Kirk first receives it, he asks

“what in the devil is this? Green leaves?”

which prompts Rand to explain that it’s a salad. It is very possible that Kirk genuinely has no idea what a salad is. He may have never had one, nor heard of the food in his entire life. Later we see him eat the salad with his hands, which further proves the point that captain kirk doesn't know what salad is. Why captain Kirk would somehow have no knowledge of salad is up to speculation.

Incident 4: The conscience of the king (S1E14) - Cry over spilled milk

In this episode, Lieutenant Riley is served colored food cubes and a glass of what appears to be milk. There isn’t much of significance here, other than the fact we know it is possible to get a glass of milk with your meal on the Enterprise. Unlike Sulu, Riley doesn’t have any celery sticks but seems to have a larger serving of colored food cubes as compensation. We also learn that milk is served in a large glass, something that seems very impractical on a starship.

Riley proves my point moments later when he spills milk on a control panel and shatters the glass. This begs the question, who is going to clean that up?

Incident 5: Tomorrow is Yesterday (S1E20) - Chicken noodle soup

In this episode, the Enterprise accidentally beams a 60′s army man abroad their ship (for the second time). This random chad ensign asks the man if he’s hungry because he’s a troll I guess and he wanted to flex their cool future food machine. The army captain guy is like sure, I could go for some chicken soup right now (a very natural response to being beamed onto a spaceship for the first time). Chad ensign has like three cards in front of him, and I guess one of them just happens to be chicken soup because he puts it in the machine and the soup appears. Grant it, we never actually get to see the soup with out own eyes, but the army captain does seem to be pretty convinced that it is chicken soup just by the smell. This opens up a couple possibilities:

-The food synthesizer can make almost anything you want, and the card is maybe like a very broad category, like a dinner card, and when you put it in you can pick any dinner food you’d like.

-The food synthesizer can only make what is specific to each card, and the ensign just got extremely lucky and happened to have a card that was the exact food the army captain wanted.

More evidence, which we will go over later, points more towards the theory that one card is equal to one specific type of food. In this case, it is unclear how the synthesizer food cards are distributed, or how you get your pick of what food you would like. It is also more likely that options would be limited. This does make sense, however, it makes this scene very confusing, as, as I’ve pointed out, the ensign had a very limited number of cards, but exactly what the captain had asked for. Pure luck? what mind game was that Chad ensign trying to play with the poor man who was abducted from earth... we will never know.

One more very interesting thing is established here: The transporter room has a food synthesizer. Why this is is purely up to speculation. In my mind, having a food synthesizer in the transporter room would be like having a full kitchen where you park your car. Seems pretty useless, but maybe the guys in the transporter room requested easy access to snacks? Why the transporter room would get this special privilege is again, up to speculation.

Incident 6: Space Seed (S1E23) - Dinner with Khan

In Space Seed a special dinner is put together to welcome Khan onto the Enterprise. We see that they are being served colored food cubes and celery sticks. Doctor McCoy walks into the dining room and comments about how the display is “very impressive”. However, this seems like a very unusual comment considering we are shown the only food we have ever seen consumed on the Enterprise. What exactly makes this food “impressive” as compared to other celery sticks and colored food cubes? Is there some way to tell this particular food is better that we don’t know about, but is obvious to everyone on the Enterprise?

There is also a chance that Doctor McCoy is just very easily impressed with food, and upon seeing any food spread he is likely to comment in wonder. Note the way Scotty is looking at McCoy. His face is a mixture of confusion, judgment, and pity. Perhaps Scotty is thinking to himself “bruh, it’s literally just colored food cubes chill out man,”. There is no explanation as to why Scotty is giving McCoy such a look, so this very well could be the case. Even though it is a silly explanation, I don’t think it should be ruled out that one of McCoy’s personality traits is being overly excited about food of any kind.

Incident 7: Journey to Babel (S2E10) Party food

Much like in Space Seed, in this episode, we get to see a meal put together for a special occasion. All the diplomates are getting down at a mixer where a spread of food has been provided. These snacks seem very similar to colored food cubes, however I do think they differ. They may be the same type of food, but different in some way. In which case colored food cubes is an overarching category of food, and here we see two different types. The smaller more brightly colored cubes can be put in drinks, though if this is what you are supposed to do with them, or just the preference of that one alien species I do not know. Though I must point out, we have seen colored food cubes served in brown sauce in What are Little Girls Made Of? (S1E8) so it is not completely unheard of to have your colored food cubes served soggy.

The other type of colored food cubes we see are a lot larger and more pair shaped (in reality, they probably were just skinned pairs dipped in food coloring, but for this essay, it’s important that we completely ignore the fact there is another life outside of Star Trek). Now to me, these are very interesting, because the dull color and apparent texture are a lit more similar to standard colored food cubes we have seen thus far. I would even go o far to say that this is the same exact food, just sans the cubed shape. So really, standard colored food cubes are just the cubed version of whatever this food is. This, again, is just speculation, but it does point us to the fact that colored food cubes are not naturally cubed (I’m going somewhere with this is promise)

Incident 8: The Trouble With Tribbles (S2E15) The trouble with Chicken sandwichs

Here we see Kirk attempting to order a chicken sandwich and coffee. What he gets instead is a plate full of tribbles, hilarity ensues. I think this scene is interesting because we can add to our list of food items that are on the menu at the enterprise cafeteria: chicken sandwich. However, this is another food item we do not see. There is no way of knowing if the Enterprise's version of a chicken sandwich is what we would imagine a chicken sandwich to be. Much like the meatloaf and the soup, because we do not see it, there is no way of knowing if the food exists in the way that we as 21st-century people understand it. The events of TOS take place more than 200 years in our future, so to speculate that food could change a lot during that time isn’t a stretch. I don’t know, just some food for thought (lol)

Incident 9: By Any Other Name (S2E22) Living deliciously

In this episode, an alien taking the form of a human enjoys some colored food cubes. He makes a comment about how they are good they are while enthusiastically eating his food. This is a very important moment because it tells us that colored food cubes do taste good. In fact, they taste really good. Just before he eats, the alien comments on how humans could just take pills that give them all their nutrient needs and give up food completely (think the Jetsons cartoon). On the Enterprise, they do not eat just to live, but because they enjoy their food as well. This tells us that colored food cubes are at the very least, worth eating, and at the best, very delicious.

One more interesting thing: Spock is eating some kind of soup while everyone else enjoys colored food cubes. This could be a Vulcan preference, however, we know that Spock is vegetarian. This could be alluding to the fact that Colored Food Cubes are made out of meat.

Conclusion:

Yes, I asked a lot more questions than I answered. There are some things that make absolutely no sense to me, primarily, the food synthesizer and diet cards. Some evidence points to the fact that the food synthesizer can make practically anything (see Tomorrow is Yesterday, And the Children Shall Lead). However, one dietary card is equal to one specific food, which would mean they would have to produce a lot of these dietary cards if there is many meal options. How these cards are distributed, and what their limitations are, we do not know. And although we do not know the limits of what the food synthesizer can create, we do know these food have been served on the enterprise at least at one point:

-colored food cubes (variety)

-celery

-synthetic meatloaf

-synthetic turkey (Thanksgiving Special)

-Dietary Salad

-Milk

-Chicken Soup

-Chicken Sandwich

-Mystery Soup

-Ice cream (variety of flavors)

All of this food (except for maybe the dietary salad and celery) are synoptically created, so what they are actually made up of, I cannot say.

And finally, I would like to make a point about the colored food cubes. I think upon first inspection one would assume colored food cubes is a dish created specifically for space travel (think the food created for modern-day astronauts to consume in space). However, we learned that there is possibly a variety of colored food cube dishes. Since there is such a wide variety of food on the Enterprise, why would they also need to create a food specifically for space travel? I think that colored food cubes are actually a common dish, not intended specifically for space travel. Perhaps it was an alien food that got popular on earth, maybe it was a dish developed later in Earth's history by humans. I can only speculate, but I do think it is more than just boring space food. Everyone seems to have a preference for it, so I think it’s a dish you can eat over and over again and not get sick of. What colored food cubes taste like is completely up to speculation, but I would assume they are a savory food, considering we often see people enjoying them for their main meal.

I still have more to say, but for the sake of everyone, I’ll end it there. This was a lot of thought dumping, so if some of the things I said made no sense at all, I’m sorry. I’d love to hear some of your thoughts on TOS food! please share with me what you think colored food cubes would taste like :)

#star trek #tos #star trek tos #the original series #anon reveal yourself so i can kiss you #please #whole ass ted talk #sorry this is so long #colored food cubes #kirk #james t kirk #spock #bones #leonard mccoy #journey to babel #space seed #yeoman rand #sulu #hikaru sulu

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paperpocalypse · 4 years

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interlude.

50 Wordless Ways to Say “I Love You”: 43. Holding shopping bags that are too heavy for them.

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Reader

Word Count: 1,304 words

Warning: Swearing

You step out of the car, the bottoms of your loafers scraping against the asphalt, and gaze up at the plain brown building silhouetted against the darkening sky.

The sight hits you with a bout of homesickness. How long has it been since you’ve shopped at a grocery store, really – sometime before the Commission recruited you out of 1949? It must have been. After all, you hadn’t exactly had the time or place to buy food and cook something up. Most of the meals you’d eaten for the past twenty-eight years were from cafés or restaurants.

“[Y/n].” Five snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Oh. Right,” you murmur, walking with him to the entrance. You feel his eyes on you as you push the door open.

As soon as you enter, you soak in the smell of paper bags and fresh fruit. Lands alive. You suddenly remember grocery shopping with your grandmother when you were – well, just a little younger than your physical age right now. Oh, now those were the days. She would take you to the candy store afterwards if you didn’t knock any of the displays over while she shopped.

(Everything was an adventure back then. You’ve been trying to regain that sense of wonder.)

Five lays claim to an abandoned cart and heads straight to the tea and coffee aisle.

You shake yourself out of your nostalgia to catch up with him. “Glad to see your priorities are in order,” you tease, sidestepping another customer.

“They’re always in order.”

“Of course.”

You watch his determined expression, amused, as he examines the shelves of coffee cans and bags like they’re suspects in a lineup. The two of you get halfway through the aisle before coming across a particular brand you remember him liking; he reaches up to grab one can of their 100% Colombian and plunks it into the cart.

Just a few feet away, a man around your age chuckles. “Don’t drink it all at once,” he says when you and Five look over at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

Five gives him a tight-lipped smile. “Try me,” he says.

You manage to hide your snort under the guise of clearing your throat. Shooting the stranger what hopefully looks like an apologetic smile, you quickly usher Five out of the coffee aisle before you get a lecture on manners.

“One day I’ll bust a gut and we’ll both get in trouble,” you mock-admonish, smacking him lightly on the arm as you push the cart towards the fresh produce section. “How are we supposed to lay low if you don’t act your age?”

He seems to hunch over further, still displeased by the previous interaction. “In case you’ve forgotten,” he mutters, “I’m fifty-eight years old. I am acting my age.”

The crossness of his posture causes you to sober up a bit. Ah. Knitting your brow, you stop in front of the apple stand, facing him fully.

From the moment that Five and you fell into 2019, it’s been apparent that the whole de-aging thing is hitting him a lot harder than it’s been hitting you. You know that part of it is because he’s the one who actually did the time travel; you know that in between your work to prevent the apocalypse, he’s been combing through his equations, trying to figure out where he had gone wrong. You also know that the other part of it is a matter of pride. And you get it. Despite enjoying your recovered youth a little more than Five, you don’t like reliving the experience of being talked down to either. Every time Five gets patronized, you can practically feel his blood boil – age was the only thing of societal value that he had gained from the apocalypse, and now that he’s physically thirteen again, that advantage is gone.

“Five, I didn’t forget,” you reply easily, softly. “But we both know that’s not how either of us look. So we gotta adapt. Like always.”

Five shakes his head, chuckling dryly. “I’ve spent my whole damn life adapting to bullshit.”

“I know.”

He inhales slowly, then exhales through his nose as you put a hand on his back. After glancing at you, he looks away stiffly.

“Sorry for screwing it up.”

“Hey. We got here in one piece and I don’t have back problems anymore. I should be thanking you.” You grin at him, and he scoffs.

There we go.

Dropping your hand to brush your fingers against his, you turn around to inspect the apples. “Now,” you announce, “I know I always complain about inflation, but explain to me why the hell these things are a dollar fifteen per pound.”

You still have some cash that the Commission had given the two of you for meal expenses, and since Five and you have literally nothing else, you spend the next hour perusing all that the grocery store has to offer. It’s quite … normal, really, tossing this or that into the cart and chatting with Five about the kinds of meals you would eat when you were kids, and you like it very much. You haven’t felt this domestic in decades.

After paying for your things, Klaus’s requested chocolate pudding, and Five’s coffee (it was the only thing he had wanted from the store), you take your turn driving back to the Hargreeves mansion.

Five blinks out of the car as you cut the engine, opening the trunk and taking all of the bags before you even open the door to get out.

“We need to start our surveillance of Meritech early tomorrow morning,” he tells you once you join him. “Whoever the eye belongs to is going to walk in there sometime between then and doomsday.”

You nod, closing the trunk and locking the car. “Right.”

The taillights flash in the darkness as you press the button again, just to make sure, and Five waits until you’re satisfied before starting toward the back entrance. With all of the groceries.

How many times do you have to tell him that he doesn’t have to do everything himself? “Fives,” you croon, reaching over to tap his fist. (The answer is as many times as it takes.)

In return, you get a brief glance. Five slows down just a hair, wordlessly shifting the bags to his other hand, and takes your hand.

You can’t help but snort.

“What?” he snips defensively. The two of you stop in the middle of the alley.

“Five, I –” you smile at him, somewhat flustered and absolutely charmed, and gesture to the groceries – “I was going to take some of the bags so you didn’t have to carry all of them.”

He blinks, face blank.

“I see,” he says. You fail to hold in another chuckle, and at the sound of it, Five attempts to let go of your hand.

“No, no, no, no, no.” You tighten your hold, moving to take half of the groceries. “I have two hands.”

With that, you resume walking, both hands full and quite sure that you’ve never adored your partner more than at this moment. Who knew he could be such a romantic?

Said partner walks beside you, silent and avoiding your gaze. You nudge him to break the tension. “I never thought you could be so smooth, dear.”

“You’ve done it before,” he grumbles, and you can hear an undertone of – dare you say it? – embarrassment in his voice. His gaze darts down to the bags. “I assumed wrong.”

“Five. You can always assume that I want to hold your hand.”

Even though you’re being incredibly corny on purpose, Five doesn’t dole out any snark. The two of you enter the house, and when you turn on the lights, you notice, with infinite satisfaction, that his face is flushed.

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doomonfilm · 4 years

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Memories : Top 15 Films of 2020

If 2020 taught movie fans anything, it was that we shouldn’t take things for granted. On the dollars and cents side of things, movie theaters were already facing an uphill battle to stay sustainable, but the “shelter-in-place” practice of March and beyond decimated box office returns, with many theaters yet to reopen (if they will open at all). In terms of famous names and faces, the list of those who passed away featured numerous icons : Kobe Bryant, Kirk Douglas, Max von Sydow, Honor Blackman, Carl Reiner, Ennio Morricone, John Saxon, Wilford Brimley, Chadwick Boseman, Sean Connery, Tiny Lister Jr., Adolfo ‘Shabba Doo’ Quinones and many more transitioned to the great beyond. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Shudder and a number of other streaming services saw themselves step into the forefront of the entertainment provider realm, with Warner Brothers and a handful of other studios making announcements that they will be following suit for at least 2021, if not for good.

With all of this uncertainty and chaos, however, the year 2020 was a surprisingly strong one, in my opinion, when it came to cinematic output... so much so, in fact, that aside from a number of Honorable Mentions, my list of top films was expanded to 15 in order to accommodate all of my choices. For anyone who has checked out my lists from previous years, you will know that I did not see every film released this year, but I did make my best effort to cover as wide a range of films as possible. Enjoy the list, and be sure to support film in whatever medium you are able to moving forward so that it can thrive.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

The 40-Year-Old Version (dir. Radha Blank) A nice little personal film that spoke to my hip-hop sensibility, as well as that ever-present awareness of the inevitability of age, and how it can skew our perspective in regards to our achievements.

Ava (dir. Tate Taylor) This isn’t the action film that’s going to reinvent the wheel, but if you look at action films like wheels, this is a quality wheel. Outside of Common, I couldn’t really find much to shoot down... this will definitely be one I consider the next time I have company and we’re looking for something fun to check out.

Bill & Ted Face The Music (dir. Dean Parisot) I honestly would have been satisfied with just two films in this franchise, but surprisingly, a third entry was created that didn’t ruin my overall enjoyment of the previous two films. Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter jumped in without missing a beat, a healthy dose of familiar faces popped back up, and the new cast additions weren’t too jarring... it’s nice to know that a pair of my favorite childhood films are officially now part of a trilogy.

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (dir. Jason Woliner) This was possibly the most surprising release of 2020... outside of a couple of news blips that Sacha Baron Cohen made during production, not a lot about this film was leaked prior to its release. For such a dated character and a seemingly outdated style of humor, Borat once again exposed the simplest parts of society in an incredibly insightful (albeit cringey as all get-out) manner.

Guns Akimbo (dir. Jason Lei Howden) One of the most fun films of 2020. Somewhere, the creative minds behind Nerve are wishing that they’d made this film instead.

Henrietta and Her Dismal Display of Affection (dir. Jeffrey Garcia) Jeffrey Garcia is the homie, and I’ve had the pleasure of being in a number of his short films, so when he announced his intentions to write and shoot a feature film in 2020, I was completely on-board. Miraculously, he was able to film the movie while the world was being ravaged by COVID-19, and though I cannot publicly announce details yet, this film has definitely already met (and likely succeeded) his expectations.

The Midnight Sky (dir. George Clooney) With each film that George Clooney directs, I realize more and more than he is an old soul trapped in a body idolized by the new school of film. That being said, it’s nice to know that there are directors out there willing to embrace patient, silent and contemplative moments while simultaneously withholding from force-feeding viewers exposition.

Tenet (dir. Christopher Nolan) This was possibly the most anticipated release of the year, considering it was the king of the IMAX release crowd in its pre-release promotion. After a small delay due to COVID-19, it was one of the first films released in hopes of testing the movie-going waters during what was sure to be a diminished period of time, which probably hurt its numbers. Too many, the film was confusing, and the nit-picking was fierce from the criticism contingency, but in all honesty, this was pretty impressive Nolan fare... certainly a good second movie in a Nolan double feature.

The Trial of the Chicago 7 (dir. Aaron Sorkin) I cannot tell a lie... I was hugely impressed with how Sorkin managed to reel his personality and voice back in order to let this well-known, controversial moment in time present itself. Sorkin has a tendency to be the star of his films, be it when he is in the writer or director role, but for this film, he managed to focus the best parts of his skillset into a highly respectful, educational and inspiring tale that fit the tumultuous summer we endured.

VHYes (dir. Jack Henry Robbins) I remember seeing this trailer as 2019 was coming to a close, and it was a film high on my list of desired viewing. Then 2020 reared its ugly, stupid head and many releases disappeared into obscurity or found themselves delayed. Luckily, this one slipped through the cracks and found a home in the streaming world, which in all honesty, suited its presentation very well. One of the most delightfully weird films of the year, hands down.

Vivarium (dir. Lorcan Finnegan) Of all the films cut from my Top 15 list, this was the toughest cut to make. I went into the film totally blind (with Jesse Eisenberg and my respect for his acting chops being the sole selling point), but this film really hit a lot of my buttons... it’s trippy as can be, there is a character that is freakishly unique and wholly unnerving, and the production design leaves a lasting impression. Don’t let the Honorable Mention designation fool you... this one is a winner.

Wonder Woman 1984 (dir. Patty Jenkins) The Christmas gift that the masses collectively decided that they did not want. Much like Ava, there is one glaring aspect of this film that I could have done without, but otherwise, I found this to be an enjoyable film. Gal Gadot was made for this role, while Kristen Wiig and Pedro Pascal stepped up to the plate and impressed. If you’re looking to be blown away, the Wonder Woman franchise isn’t the smartest place to go, but if you’re looking for entertainment, there’s plenty of it here.

THE TOP 15 FILMS OF 2020

15. Mignonnes (dir. Maïmouna Doucouré) This one started off the year with plenty of controversy. What was an award-winning tale about womanhood and the difficulties surrounding coming of age in an ever-changing and evolving world quickly devolved into a campaign to ban the film (and Netflix). Many people overlooked the film as a cautionary tale about what access to the Internet and the sexually-charged nature in which women are portrayed can do to developing girls, instead choosing to accuse the film of being fodder for malicious types seeking to exploit the sexualizing of young women. More than anything, in my opinion, Mignonnes served as an example of our outrage-fueled culture and the way it tends to skew our perspective and/or our ability to take art at face value.

14. His House (dir. Remi Weekes) As I’ve mentioned many times over the past week or so on this blog, horror films were one of the few genres that found a benefit from the film industry’s transition to streaming services for primary access to film. While a number of traditional horror films received notice, His House took the opportunity to not only make a pure horror film, but one that spoke on racism and the conditions that asylum-seekers and refugees face. The film is well-acted, the production value is high quality, and it’s paced beautifully... while not the highest film on this list, it is certainly one I will encourage others to see as time goes by.

13. All Day and a Night (dir. Joe Robert Cole) When human nature reared its ugly head during COVID-19 in the form of numerous race-related killings, multitudes of businesses quickly adopted the Black Lives Matter mantra, with film distributors and streaming services taking advantage of the moment to produce and release content relevant to cultural and social awareness. Netflix was no different, and of the many films they released in the wake of the harrowing events, All Day and a Night is the one that feels the most sincere and honest in its approach and presentation. The streets of Oakland are presented with a vast array of characters, each with complex backgrounds and states of mind, all of which helps the viewer understand the pressure many minorities live with and process on a daily basis.

12. She Dies Tomorrow (dir. Amy Seimetz) Execution is king, even when applied to the simplest of premises, and She Dies Tomorrow is a shining example of this. In a very John Cassavetes move, director Amy Seimetz took her payment from her appearance in Pet Sematary and used it to fund a personal project that more than likely would have been ignored by studio heads. The result is a hypnotic, entrancing and haunting film where stillness and anticipation play antagonist, while we as viewers feel the need to transpose ourselves into the protagonists we are presented due to their stilted but emotional performances. Hopefully this one finds some notoriety in the cult classic realm as the years pass.

11. The Vast of Night (dir. Andrew Patterson) For a debut film, The Vast of Night handles itself with a surprising amount of confidence in its vision. The immersion is nearly instant as we are first placed in the premise of a TV show, and then a 1950′s town, but once the actors and camera get going, it’s up to us as viewers to strap in for the ride. The story is deeply intriguing, the performances are strong enough to carry a very dialogue heavy movie, and the final act is chilling in its reveals. I will be surprised if this one finds its way to a Best Original Screenplay nomination due to it being a debut film from a relatively unknown writer/director, but if it manages to get the nomination it will certainly be a well-deserved one.

10. Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (dir. Cathy Yan) The movie that broke the list. If someone would have told me in 2019 that a film directly connected to Suicide Squad would be anywhere on a Top Films list I curated, I would have laughed dead in their face, and yet, here we are. It’s like every good idea that was poorly executed in Suicide Squad found new life in Birds of Prey, which makes the film not only an entertaining watch, but a satisfying one. Not only is Margot Robbie perfect in this film (as well as given a break on the exploitative costuming), but Mary Elizabeth Winstead arguably takes a stab at stealing the show with her performance. Don’t let the DCEU association fool you... Birds of Prey is the real deal.

9. Never Rarely Sometimes Always (dir. Eliza Hittman) Probably the most contemplative film on the entire list, and impressive in its nature for sure. To my knowledge, the cast is made up of mostly unknowns (unless I’m sleeping on actors and actresses, which has been known to happen), and as a result, a tough slice of life to swallow is presented in an extremely grounded nature. Sidney Flanigan gives a powerful performance, hopefully the first of many.

8. Possessor [Uncut] (dir. Brandon Cronenberg) Easily the most “what the f-ck” film on this list, and certainly one worthy of the Cronenberg name. Andrea Riseborough has been on my radar since Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) and Mandy, and seeing her in a lead role confirms her talent. I’m a sucker for science-fiction films that don’t rely on digital effects and elaborate set pieces, and Possessor rings both of those bells with a vengeance. I watched the uncut version, which has a couple of extremely brutal sequences that will unnerve even the most hardened viewer, but these sequences only serve to drive home the lost nature of Tasya, our protagonist. This one isn’t for everyone, but for those who can stomach a bit off graphicness and process a narrative that doesn’t spoon-feed you answers, this one is a must see.

7. Da 5 Bloods (dir. Spike Lee) Spike Lee has always been a huge influence on me as both an aspiring filmmaker and a fan of the medium, but I’d be lying if I told you that his last decade was a memorable one. Outside of BlacKkKlansman, Lee has found himself falling short of his vision more often than not, but Da 5 Bloods is a tonal and stylistic bullseye. Fans of Lee will dig it, fans of Vietnam films will dig it, and anyone who had an inkling of respect or admiration for Chadwick Boseman will be moved. If Lee continues to make films as good as this one, he may find an entirely new generation of fans as a result.

6. Soul (dir. Pete Docter) As mentioned at the top of this list, people love to try and sink films due to their own personal agendas, and Soul found itself in the crosshairs prior to its late 2020 release. Many people were upset that a minority character would not only spend most of the movie as a blue blob, but would also seemingly serve as a tool for another character’s “salvation”. That being said, once Soul dropped, anybody with common sense dropped those stances and realized that Pixar had not only made a stunningly beautiful film, but one that likely spoke to adults more than children. Plain and simple, Soul is a bonafide instant classic.

5. Kajillionaire (dir. Miranda July) If Evan Rachel Wood doesn’t win an Oscar for her performance in Kajillionaire (or at least garner a nomination), Hollywood needs to collectively have their head checked. Every year worth its salt has a weird, quirky but loveable film, and Miranda July more than succeeded in making one for 2020. The humor, both physical and dialogue-based, is on point, and the bittersweet nature of the story is gut-wrenching as the film progresses. This one was probably the biggest surprise for 2020 in terms of prior awareness versus post-watch admiration.

4. Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom (dir. George C. Wolfe) The final film of Chadwick Boseman’s short but prolific career is one that allowed him to exist in the wake of his reality, making his performance powerful and (seemingly) cathartic. He is surrounded by supreme talent on all sides, as there are no weak performances in this film, and despite it essentially being a play shot for film, it feels far from limited, contained or constrained. Not only does it speak on larger issues of the commodification of Black pain and talent, but it may serve as a vehicle for a posthumous Oscar for Boseman.

3. The Devil All The Time (dir. Antonio Campos) This was the first Netflix original that made me really and truly respect them as a film distributor. The list of talent for The Devil All The Time is truly impressive, and Tom Holland knocked his lead role out of the park. Robert Pattinson is great as always, and the way that the story winds back into itself keeps you locked in and connected until the credits roll. For something that came out so many months ago, it’s respectable that it was able to hold such a high position on a list that was as fluid as any I’ve ever put together.

2. Mank (dir. David Fincher) For a time, this was the hands down film of the year on my list. Gary Oldman has basically become a “can do no wrong” actor, and his performance was amplified by David Fincher’s ability to emulate the look, sound and feel of a bygone Hollywood era. On top of this, the built in intrigue that comes with handling anything remotely connected to Orson Welles is present, making Mank almost feel like a companion piece to the prolific film that is Citizen Kane. If The Devil All The Time was a victory for Netflix, then Mank was the win that put them into a true spot as contenders in the future of film distribution.

1. I'm Thinking of Ending Things (dir. Charlie Kaufman) Where does one even begin with Charlie Kaufman? Time and again, he proves to be one of the most truly unique voices to gain fame. For I’m Thinking of Ending Things, Kaufman seemingly returns to his foundation of odd, offbeat love stories, only to take us on a journey of truly mind-bending and psyche-warping proportions. Of all the movies on this list, this is the one that almost demands repeat viewings, as one must have an idea of the entire journey before they can understand the individual aspects laid out. If dialogue isn’t your thing, then this one may not hold you, but that would be a shame, as this beautiful mystery stands head and shoulders above the rest of 2020′s stellar output.

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imagineitup · 6 years

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Doubt : Theseus Scamander x Reader

request : I’m sure I’ve already sent in a request before, and I can’t remember what is was. But I’ll give you another prompt. Maybe a future fic where reader is an author in training under Theseus, they get fairly close. They are on a mission and dementors come on the scene and Theseus casts a patronising but is confused as to why the corporeal form has changed. The ending is up to you. ☺️

a/n : I hope you enjoy! :)

masterlist

- -

It is Theseus’ turn to bring lunch today. For some strange, uncanny reason, the two of you had managed to become friends. And had remained friends, for quite a bit of time.

Yesterday, you had brought two wrapped sandwiches, the baguette a little squished inside your coat and the lettuce a bit soggy, but it was something.

Besides, the day before, Theseus had brought two hard-boiled eggs, setting one on your desk with a shrug and a sheepish smile that he’d do better next time. The two of you had chatted and peeled egg shells away, and you’d raised an eyebrow, amused at the entire ordeal.

He arrives today with the swell of Aurors from the elevator, and his eyes twinkle as he catches your gaze from a few desks away. He holds a paper bag up and shakes it proudly, grinning.

Thank god, the man had bought food from the café a few blocks away, the café with the old Irish woman who always sneaks in a few extra chips alongside with her daily-made sandwiches.

Noon comes, and Theseus drops the bag onto your desk, sinking into the chair next to yours. He pushes the bag towards you, crossing his feet, a smirk gracing his lips.

“I got us some actual lunch.”

You reach in to open the bag, pulling out the first folded box. Inside is your favorite sandwich and as expected, extra chips.

Theseus reaches in to grab his own box, and playfully flicks your shoulder as you tease him about his usual salad.

He’s chewing a bit of tomato when you toss him a chip, and he raises an eyebrow at it, amused.

You finish your sandwich and stretch out your arms, yawning. “You win best lunch for this week, it nearly makes up for your sorry excuse two days ago.”

Theseus laughs, and it makes an involuntary smile stretch at your face. “I said I was sorry, I had nothing in the fridge. Or the pantry.”

You smile to yourself and stand up, shrugging on your coat. “Well, lunch was good. Hopefully, our mission goes well, too.”

- -

That night, you sigh and clench your jaw as you keep your wand held in front of you. “Why are there dementors here?”

Theseus shakes his head, eyes focused. “Beats me.”

The shadowy creatures float in from the depths of the woods, and Theseus sighs as he aims the tip of his wand towards the first wave. He closes his eyes for a brief second, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration, and then they open once more.

“Expecto Patronum.”

A pale blue emerges from his wand, a shape rushes towards the dementors, pushing them away.

They screech and are thrown out of reach, and you strain your eyes, curious to see what form his patronus has taken. It’s too far away for you to see, and you help him, your voice steady.

“Expecto Patronum!”

Your patronus writhes gracefully into the air, spiraling around your head and suddenly rushing after Theseus’ to banish the remaining dementors.

Theseus makes a breathy sound in the back of his throat, and you turn to see his startled eyes.

“My patronus changed.”

“What do you mean?”

“You didn’t see it?”

You frown. “It was too far away. What was it?”

Theseus doesn’t look at you and shakes his head, clearly conflicted. “Doesn’t matter. Let’s get back, come on.”

He’s walking alongside you as the city lights glow in the distance, lamp-light reflecting off the side of his face.

“You really didn’t see it?”

You shake your head. “Nope.”

Theseus stops walking finally, running a hand across his jaw. “Why would a patronus change?”

“Bereavement, you’ve changed your values, you’ve fallen in love,” you tilt your head, trying to remember. “Have any of those happened to you, recently?”

Theseus’ face grows paler by the second.

- -

The next time dementors appear on a mission, Theseus freezes. It’s uncanny, you’ve never seen him remotely unsure.

He mumbles the incantation after a beat, but you notice the obvious lack of effort, the hunched shoulders as he tries to stifle it. And as expected, his patronus is incorporeal, and you frown at him.

“Theseus — you’ve got to produce a corporeal patronus, there’re too many of them!”

He looks at you, slightly panicked, and shakes his head. “I can’t.”

“Well, you’re going to have to, because they’re coming and I don’t fancy getting kissed by one.”

Theseus watches as the dementors glide closer and closer, and you stare at him with disbelief.

“Theseus?”

His wand hand is still, but soon enough you start to notice the way his fingers shake and the guilty way in which he meets your gaze. “(Y/N),” he starts, gauging your reaction, “I can explain.”

“What --”

He’s focusing, for real this time, and the words fall from his mouth in a strangled whisper. Nothing happens, and he grows frustrated, shutting his eyes.

“Expecto Patronum!”

The animal writhes from his wand, blinding your eyes with a flash of blue light, bounding forward to hold the dementors back.

And it is now that you finally realize why Theseus is so hesitant to cast his patronus.

“My patronus is now very similar to yours,” he says weakly. “It’s not the same, but it’s nearly the same.” He folds his hands and looks at you resignedly. “Which means I’m in love with you. Falling in love with you.”

You stare up at Theseus, eyes softening. “Is that a bad thing?”

Theseus smiles half-heartedly, eyes lowering. “No, of course not. How could it be? It’s wonderful, really, except I don’t think you reciprocate.”

Your hand reaches to squeeze his.

Theseus smiles at you, and the gesture makes your heart warm. “Don’t feel pressured, you know. To love me.”

“I won’t.”

Theseus nods. “Good. Just -- tell me when you figure it out, okay? I’ll be fine with whatever you decide. Maybe not immediately, but I will be.”

You quirk a smile. “I will.”

Theseus releases your hand, eyes warm and flickering with something you can’t quite decipher. “But you’re still on for lunch tomorrow.”

You laugh. “Of course.”

#theseus scamander #theseus #theseus scamander x reader #theseus x reader #theseus scamander imagine #theseus imagine #theseus scamander oneshot #theseus oneshot #theseus scamander x you #theseus x you #imagineitup #doubt

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minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong · 5 years

Text

Sweet Dreams Chapter Six

Lucid dreaming: The process of being aware that one is dreaming. Some researchers believe that in lucid dreaming, the individual may be able to change the outcome of the dream or control their degree of participation in the imaginary (dream) environment.

Description: Lee Eunbyul has been plagued with hellish nightmares since she was a child. Not the sort of nightmares you may be familiar with. There are no monsters to evade, no serial killers to outrun, no auditoriums of classmates in front of whom to stand naked. Instead there is just…darkness. Endless darkness. With professional help, the dreams come less frequently. But after moving away from home to live with her sister, Eunbyul’s nightmare returns, only this time it’s different. This time…she’s not alone.

What would you do if you had the chance to change the outcome of not only your dreams, but your life?

Genre: Romance, Drama, Fluff, Angst, Slow Burn

Pairing: Namjoon x (f) OC

Word Count: 7.2k

Tags: Non-Idol!Au, Producer!Namjoon, Bookstore Clerk!Seokjin, Potter!Jimin, Producer!Yoongi, Dancer!Hoseok

Warnings: Frequent mentions of mental illness, infrequent swearing and mentions of alcohol

A/N: Hey guys! Here’s the newest chapter~ I hope you guys are enjoying this series! I’m really enjoying writing it. This chapter in particular was v fun to write. Anyway, I hope everybody is resting enough these days! Please don’t be shy and send feedback, critique, questions, theories, and comments my way. I’ll be sure to respond to all asks I receive within a day of receiving them!

And again, if you want to follow my Twitter, my username is @/plzpunchmebts. I’m super active over there and hopefully in the future I’ll do some livestreams/chats with you all!

- Mercury

Previous Chapter – Next Chapter

Masterlist

Weekly updates: Sunday, 1PM (PST)

Namjoon

“K-i-m-N-a-m-j-o-o-n-.”

I startled a little and rubbed my eyes, squinting at the person who’d roused my attention. Jisoo stood beside my desk, furry brows raised. It had been a few days since he’d bothered to check on me, and seeing the look on his face now I was sure he regretted not coming sooner.

“Been trying to get you to notice for a minute, dude,” he said, patting my shoulder as he raised a mug of hot coffee to his lips. He stared over my shoulder at the monitor before me. “You making good progress with the commercial soundtrack?”

I swallowed hard and stared at the half-finished track on Cubase. Uninspired. The project window was home to several presets from the preloaded packs on the software, nothing like what I’d use at home on my own. It sounded fine so far, or as fine as it could. But there was no heart in it, not really. Instead, it sounded as hollow as it did commercial. I was sure the client would like it. What concerned me, really, was finding the strength to finish it.

“Uh, yeah. Should be done by tomorrow,” I said, and even my voice was lackluster. I pinched my nose bridge and rubbed circles, squeezing my eyes shut.

“You okay?” asked Jisoo, but it was clear from his tone that he was only halfway interested.

“Yeah, fine,” I said, waving a hand. “I’m cool. Just…tired I guess.”

He hummed. “Gotta sleep well if you wanna be a producer.”

I nodded, but couldn’t help but think of Yoongi. He was working as a real producer, and there wasn’t a single night in recent memory when I could remember him going to sleep before the sun rose.

“Thanks, Boss,” I said, offering a smile.

He patted my shoulder. “Take care of yourself, okay? We can’t afford to lose you,” he said with a laugh. It was the uneasy sort of chuckle you give someone when you want them to reassure you.

I nodded. “I don’t have anywhere else to go anyway,” I said as he smiled and walked back out to the floor. I sighed and again pinched my nose bridge.

“Hey,” said Jungkook from his desk, staring at me with knitted brows. “You really don’t look so good.”

I smiled and waved my hand. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Saying that makes me more worried,” he said, resting a round cheek in his hand. “What’s going on with you? For real?”

I inhaled sharply and sighed, shutting my eyes. “Just…I dunno, I feel kinda sick today I guess. Haven’t been sleeping well, and I woke up…forget it, alright? I’m fine.”

“No, keep going,” said Jungkook, and coming from anyone else I might have thought he was teasing me. But this was Jungkook anyway, and he only seemed to know how to be sincere. He kept his eyes on me.

I shrugged. “Woke up kinda sad.”

Jungkook raised his brows. “Huh?”

“Forget it.”

He shook his head. “No reason for it?”

I thought a moment, puzzled. “Well…it’s not like usual, you know? Like when you just feel sad and you can’t really diagnose it,” I said, nodding. “It feels like there’s something really important that I’m missing.”

Jungkook hummed. “Maybe it has to do with work?” he offered, tilting his head with a sigh. “We all know working here isn’t your number one choice.”

I quieted down, staring at the project on my screen with furrowed brow. While I was sure it wasn’t something so simple, that the real cause was still evading me, his words unsettled me. “Maybe…,” I said, shaking my head.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone, typing a message as quickly as I could before returning to the track.

Namjoon: Hey, Hoseok. Haven’t seen you in a few weeks. Wanna go to the beach?

Hoseok: huhuhu…u gonna collect crabs the whole time?

Namjoon: …

Namjoon: Crabs are fascinating…

Hoseok: looooooooooooool

Hoseok: nerd

Hoseok: i’m in either way :-D

I sat crouched on the shore, poking my index finger into the little holes I saw along the sand. Every now and then, something would bulge and shift beneath the sand’s surface, a sign of life. Smiling, I worked my thumb beneath one of the bumps.

“I thought I said no crabs,” grumbled Hoseok as he licked his popsicle. The thing was already staining his tongue and lips violet.

I hummed as I grabbed a small crab from under the wet sand. “You did say that,” I said with a chuckle as I smoothed the pad of my finger along the crab’s back. I flipped it over in my hand and presented it to Hoseok. “See this plate right here?” I asked, pointing to the smooth shell of the crab’s stomach. “That means it’s a female!”

“I don’t care,” said Hoseok with a heavy sigh.

He leaned back on his palms, three separate leashes hooked around his wrists. The dogs themselves were behaving well enough. The golden retriever was resting his blonde head against his paw, eyebrows shifting as he looked around the beach. The collie panted beneath the unrelenting sun, laying on her stomach with her tongue lolling out the side of her mouth. And the pug simply sat on Hoseok’s lap, eyes shut.

I set the crab back down and crawled over to where Hoseok sat with his legs extended in front of him, taking up an entire blanket by himself. I smiled and collapsed beside his thigh. “Feels good to get out.”

Hoseok sighed and, with his free hand, gave my upper arm a firm smack. “Because you never get out to begin with,” he scolded.

I laughed. “Not all of us can be dog walkers.”

He rolled his eyes. “You don’t have what it takes,” he said with a sigh, biting off a chunk from his melting popsicle. “Endurance, perseverance, patience, understanding-,”

“Are you saying you have all of those things?” I teased, glancing at him over my shoulder. I laughed as he reached a hand out to hit me again. “Sorry!”

As my laughter died down, I felt Hoseok’s gaze boring into my skin and, uneasy, I turned to face him properly. His narrow eyes seized on me, scrutinizing. “You seem weird,” he remarked with a cocked brow.

I inhaled quick, ready to refute him, but as soon as I met his inquiring eyes my breath escaped in a sigh end I rubbed my forehead. “I’m…not myself lately.”

He patted my back with an open palm. “Anything I can do?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think so,” I said. “It’s been building for a few days. Things just…aren’t settling right for some reason. In my head, I mean.”

“Hm…,” began Hoseok, chomping down on his popsicle as he gazed out at the waves. “I wonder if there’s one cause.”

“Probably not,” I said with a soft smile. “Never is just one thing.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m fine,” I said, nodding once as I swept my eyes out across the glittering ocean horizon. “Honestly.”

“Mhm,” said Hoseok as the pug on his lap stretched, letting out a yawn. He rubbed its back, a fond smile on his face. “You know, dogs are pretty clever.”

“Huh?” I asked, turning to face him.

He chuckled and nodded. “Might not look like it right now,” he said with a pointed look at the panting collie. “But they’ve got shit figured out.”

I smiled. “How so?”

“Well…for one thing, they understand the value of a pack. A close circle to watch their backs,” he said, nodding. “They’re loyal, won’t ever intentionally hurt someone they love.”

“I guess.”

“They’re honest.”

I raised my brows, eyeing him. “Hm?”

He was still stroking the sleepy pug’s back, smiling gently. “They don’t know how to be any other way. They don’t know how to pretend.” He lifted only his eyes to meet mine. “When they’re upset, they can’t lie and say they aren’t.”

I stiffened. “Well…they can’t speak.”

He laughed. “That’s not what I mean,” he said, easily leaning back on his palm once more, watching as sugary purple syrup began trailing down his forearm. “They can’t put on a brave face and go about their day like nothing’s wrong. When a dog’s upset, they howl. And they keep howling until they feel better.”

I exhaled slowly. His words weren’t lost on me. I knew well what he was trying to say. And as I took a look at him over my shoulder, I could see from the way his eyes implored me how deeply he wanted me to understand. I gave a smile and nodded.

“Sometimes you gotta just let yourself howl, Joon,” he said, lifting the dripping remains of his popsicle to his mouth and biting it whole. He pocketed the messy stick — much to my dismay — and patted his legs, moving the pug so he could stand. “What do you say I show you someplace cool?”

Me, Hoseok, and three panting dogs enter a pottery store, I thought to myself as Hoseok began calling for the quaint shop’s owner, like bulls in a china shop. The dogs took to sniffing every crevice and corner they could reach, pushing damp noses against delicate pots, pawing at shelf legs, scratching the many ornate rugs on the floor. I watched with a cringe as the golden retriever began jumping beside one of the organized shelves, likely trying to explore the higher levels.

Hoseok corrected the dog with a soft jerk of the leash and continued calling. “Jimin! Park Jimin!”

“Jesus!” called someone from the back of the shop. From the doorway there emerged a young, wide-eyed, flushed guy with a messy apron and knitted brows. He scanned the floor and saw the pups wandering about, immediately wincing. “Jung Hoseok! I told you to stop bringing the dogs!”

Hoseok laughed and shortened the retriever’s leash, wrapping it around his wrist once more. “They’re behaving!”

“Behaving — my ass,” said the young boy, grumbling as he rubbed his forehead. “If any one of them puts their cute little snouts into any of my vases and knocks it over, you’re paying double.”

Hoseok smirked. “Don’t act like you aren’t happy to see them,” he teased.

Jimin opened his eyes with a sigh, brows still furrowed. “I’d be happier if I saw them outside.”

“Heh,” breathed Hoseok, petting the collie on her head. “Anyway, Jimin this is my friend Namjoon.”

Jimin’s eyes slid over to meet mine and he blinked a few times. “That’s a tall friend,” he remarked. He wiped his right hand on his apron a few times and took a half step toward me to shake hands. I took it with a smile. “Nice to meet you,” he said gently.

I nodded. “Likewise.”

“Now you,” said Jimin, pointing a small, accusing finger at Hoseok. “Didn’t I tell you to warn me when you decide to come over?”

Hoseok rolled his eyes. “Do we have to do that among friends?”

“Shut up,” said Jimin, crossing his arms. “I was in the middle of glazing and now my employee’s gotta do it on her own.”

“You got an employee?” asked Hoseok, clearly surprised.

Jimin paused for a moment before smirking. “Mhm,” he said, smug. ��And she’s pretty good too. Really interested in pottery.”

Hoseok scoffed. “Don’t tell me…,” he began.

Jimin raised his brows. “Hm?”

“You didn’t hire her because she’s cute, did you?”

Jimin laughed and patted his leg. “Ah, well…it’s not like she’s not cute,” he began, then sighed and shook his head. “Nah. I just…wanted to give her something to do, I guess.”

The words hit me strangely. Was this employee wandering too? Curiosity began to grow in my stomach. “Anyway,” continued Jimin. “How do you two know each other? I’ve been stuck with you since diapers and I’ve never met your tall friend,” he said, eyeing me sidelong with a smirk.

I cleared my throat. “Uh, I had extended family out here, so I visited often as a kid. He lived near my grandma’s house, so we played as kids.”

“He moved here in elementary school. We were in the same year, so we hung out more,” said Hoseok, waving his hands. “Anyway, if you’d gone to our school instead you would’ve known before.”

Jimin laughed. “I also wouldn’t have been bullied,” he joked. I stiffened. Was that something he could be so nonchalant about? “Gotta laugh so you don’t cry, right?” he asked me once he noticed my reaction. He chuckled. “Ah, but what did you want anyway, Hoseok? I can’t really leave my employee by herself too long.”

“Cheeky,” said Hoseok and Jimin only rolled his eyes. “I figured you could show Namjoon how you make pottery.”

“You want a demo?” asked Jimin, dry.

Hoseok nodded. “Mhm.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah.”

“With no warning?”

Hoseok pursed his lips. “I figured a great potter like you could do it on the spot…”

“Ugh,” mumbled Jimin, running a messy hand through his hair. He glanced between me and Hoseok a few times, jaw locked, before sighing. “Alright, let me tell Eunbyul first.”

“Eunbyul?” I asked, and the name fell off my tongue in a way that felt…familiar.

He nodded. “My employee. She can handle it on her own, but I don’t know if she knows that,” he said with a laugh. “Just give me a second.”

Jimin turned on his heel and jogged back through the doorway in the back and, unable to deny my curiosity, I followed behind and peeked my head in. Although the place was big and fairly organized, there were large pieces of machinery blocking my view of Jimin. But nonetheless I could see the back of a girl’s head, slightly shorter than him, waving dark hair restrained with an old newspaper rubber band. She nodded once and glanced down at the tray of freshly glazed cups in her hands. I couldn’t hear her, but Jimin smiled and gave her shoulder a squeeze. She seemed to sigh before turning and walking quickly to the kiln. With her back still facing me, she set the tray down and grabbed cups in both hands, placing them in the kiln. It took her all of thirty seconds to get all two dozen in, and as she turned and strode toward the vat beside the massive kiln, I watched a few stray strands of hair loose themselves from her rubber band.

I glanced down at my wrist, at the hair elastic I’d nearly forgotten about, and briefly considered offering it to her. But she seemed busy as she dipped chalky cups into the glaze, pulling them out shiny. She set them aside one by one, and there was something oddly confident and precise about her motions. Even the way she used the front of her wrist to push the locks of waving hair behind her ear seemed exact, focused.

Strangely, I found myself envying her.

And, as I watched her back, I felt the unmistakable sensation of an under-the-skin kind of itch, the kind you can’t scratch, even if you try your hardest.

Jimin approached and grinned at me. “Checking out my employee?” he teased.

I flushed and turned away quickly. “I didn’t even see her face,” I said, pouting a little.

He laughed and clapped my shoulder. “Let’s do this demo.”

And it hit me as Jimin began setting up the potter’s wheel and clay. Wordlessly, I sat down on the stool beside Hoseok and the dogs and fished around in my pocket for my phone. I yanked it out and pulled up my photos, scanning them. Sure enough, that photo I snapped at Hyejin’s the other day. The girl with the baseball cap. I saw her, sandy skin barely visible beneath the brim of her hat, Somi’s shoulder in the foreground, the girl drowning in clothes several sizes too big.

“That girl…,” I said, thinking aloud as I stared down at the photo.

Jimin turned his eyes to me and smiled. “Hm?”

“I…I’ve been seeing her everywhere lately,” I said, chuckling.

Hoseok sighed and leaned over his lap to get a better look at the shapeless clay Jimin was beginning to mold. “Make it into Justin Trudeau.”

Jimin paused a moment and squared his gaze on Hoseok. “The Canadian prime minister?”

Hoseok nodded. “Yeah. Do it.”

Jimin sighed and shook his head, not even bothering to respond, as I took turns looking at the photo on my phone and at Jimin’s deft hands working the clay carefully. It was impossible to explain, but the way he moved was inexplicably similar to that girl. Perhaps because she was his employee…

But that didn’t seem right.

It was more that they were both endowed with the same nameless quality.

A precision that only comes from—

“Passion,” said Hoseok in a whisper, leaning over to me.

I flushed, my attention now entirely on Jimin as he molded the clay into the vague shape of a flowerpot. “Huh?”

“That’s what makes Jimin so…,” he began, then chuckled. “It’s what makes him so Jimin.”

I was quiet for a moment. “I see,” I said. I might have been nervous that Jimin would overhear us talking about him if it weren’t for the unwavering focus captured in his eye. He probably wouldn’t have even heard an earthquake. “It’s mesmerizing.”

Hoseok chuckled. “Mhm,” he said. “Reminds me of when we were in high school.”

I raised a brow with a smirk. “How so?”

He hummed. “I remember during study hall, you’d always have your laptop out,” he said, laughing. “Mr. Kang hated it.”

I smiled softly. “Yeah. Told him it was for class president duties.”

“But all you did was make beats.”

I was quiet for a moment. Again, I understood what he meant. It was hard not to with a guy like Hoseok. As kind as he was, he was equally clever. He knew how to say something without saying it. I turned to him and we locked eyes. Instead of speaking, I just nodded my head and offered a smile. He returned it, patting my knee.

“Thanks,” I said as Jimin finished up with the main body of the pot. It was gorgeous, an elegant, long shape that tapered toward the bottom. Looked like the kind of pot you’d put a bonsai in.

“For what?” asked Hoseok, feigning ignorance with wide eyes.

I chuckled, squeezing his shoulder. “Just thanks.”

Cubase. God it had been a while since I’d used it on my home computer.

I sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, staring at the project as evening slowly became night. Yoongi still wasn’t back from work, likely putting in long hours finishing up that big collaboration he’d been working on for months. He wouldn’t tell me who it was with, but his excitement told me enough to know it was big.

I rested my cheek in my hand and sighed, tapping my fingertips against the coffee table. The song was nice, kind of slow. It felt a bit…melancholy but still hopeful. I shut my eyes and thought a moment. Could use vocals.

Quietly, I flipped through my lyric book and paused on a single word. Everythingoes. Written sloppily in the margins of a song I’d never finished. I cocked a brow. Back when I was younger, going to therapy, the doctor had told me something to that effect. Everything goes. Every moment, every pain, every trauma. I sat up straighter. Something about it rolled nicely, both in English and Korean. The lyrics beside it were meant to go with it. Perhaps if I recorded myself with Yoongi’s mic…

I changed a few things around, added some lines where I felt the words weren’t enough, and stewed over it for a long moment.

Everything has to hurt.

That line stood out to me. Silently, I padded into Yoongi’s room and grabbed the mic he kept hidden in the second drawer of his work table. I’d take the scolding later. I fell in a heap once more before my laptop and plugged in the mic. After a few tests, I cleared my throat and began recording the rap. If nothing else, I could find someone else to sing the chorus.

“Like morning comes after night, if summer comes after spring,” I began, and didn’t stop, didn’t stumble. “And every day I stay, because people and pain all die eventually.” I kept going, and even though I was rusty, I could feel some power in it. In the words. “Pray that this wind will pass like all winds do.”

I stopped to catch my breath, pausing the song and pulling the headphones off my ears with a sigh. I patted my cheeks a little, shook my head, and opened my eyes slowly.

But when I looked around, I saw something that hadn’t been there before. More specifically, a darkly clad someone standing with crossed arms beside the arm of the couch. I screamed before I could stop myself as Yoongi crossed the living room floor and sat on the couch beside my head, hunching over his knees to inspect my project with squinted eyes.

“Sounded good,” he said with a nod. I swallowed hard. Without looking at me, he continued. “Can I hear the beat?”

“Ah, uh, it’s still really rough and-,”

He turned to face me with one cocked brow. “Can I hear it?”

I hinged and unhinged my jaw a few times, but he was scanning me and I couldn’t stall long. I clamped my mouth shut and cleared my throat. “Um…yeah, sure.”

I unplugged the headphones and played what I had from the start. “I…I wanna add vocals here,” I said as the song began. “Something kind of…like a chant. Repeating, I think. Like a mantra.”

“Mm,” said Yoongi with a nod, brow low as he listened. I’d have liked if he didn’t listen quite so intently.

“Um…and then here I think I want the piano to get a little quieter.”

“Mhm.”

I nodded and decided to stay silent. He wasn’t giving me any feedback anyway, just listening. Instead, I just sat there like a kid, awaiting my parent to tell me if I did well or not. The song closed and I glanced over my shoulder at Yoongi who by then had his chin seized between his two palms, almost like he was praying.

“So…?” I hedged, eyeing him.

He nodded. “Really good.”

My eyes went wide and I stared at him like I was seeing him for the first time in the dark living room. I could just barely see his lips tilting in a bare smile. “R-Really?”

“I wouldn’t lie,” he said, leaning back with a nod. “Why haven’t you shared your work with me before?”

I stiffened. “Um…well, when we met you were already almost graduated with your degree, and I was just this young kid following you around. I…kinda figured someone like you wouldn’t want to listen to my shit.”

He cocked a brow. “It’s not shit though.”

“I just…I mean, you were a pro from the start, you know? Just…super confident from the beginning. And by the time I started to get really serious about it, you were already working for the label and I was getting recruited by a contract company,” I said, shaking my head. “I figured that alone was enough to show the difference in our leagues.”

“League?” asked Yoongi, brow furrowed.

I sighed. “I dunno. You’re…you’ve always been great. And I’m just…a sound engineer, really.”

Yoongi shook his head. “I’m telling you this because I mean it, alright?” he asked, crossing his arms. “If you got in with the right label, you’d do well.”

I sat up straighter, twisting to look at him properly. But instead, he was staring at my project, still smiling just barely. “Huh?”

“I’m not just saying that,” he said, nodding. “You could be a really successful producer.”

I was about to respond, perhaps pick his brain, perhaps thank him, but my phone began buzzing on the table and I jumped at the sound. Quickly I grabbed it, ready to silence the phone and return the call later. But I saw the name on the screen and paused. Hani. And at this hour…

Yoongi patted my shoulder. “Take the call,” he said, chuckling. “I know you don’t have a choice.”

I turned to stop him, but he was already striding towards his room. He didn’t even mention me borrowing his mic…

Sighing, I slid the phone open and took the call. “Hey…,” I said, and even I could hear that my voice was glum.

“Hey, uh…,” she said, her tone fragile.

I rubbed my temples. “What’s up?”

“It’s…it’s just Sooyoung. The divorce is almost final and they’re talking about custody and she’s kinda caught in, like, the crossfire or whatever. I’m worried,” she said, speaking too fast for me to keep up with.

“Have you talked to her?”

She sighed. “No, she’s not taking my calls. My parents texted me to look out for her, but she hasn’t even seen my texts,” she said. “I’m worried.”

“I understand,” I said gently. “Maybe go home for a few days and spend time with her, you know? Maybe she needs you there.”

“I know I’m just…I guess I’m kinda scared, you know? Like to go to my childhood home and see everything changing…it’s weird,” she said. “God, can I just come over tonight? Like movies or something?”

I stiffened. “Ah…jeez, Hani. I’m…I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“I know, I know. Joon, I’m so sorry. It’s just…I really don’t wanna be alone right now,” she said, voice breaking.

I felt my chest pinch a little. “Hani, why don’t you go home then?”

She sighed. “I told you-,”

“But if you can’t be alone, the best place is home,” I said, staring at my half-finished song. The one that would surely stay half-finished if she came over.

“I think it would be too hard.”

“Then what about your friends? Joohee lives close by anyway,” I said, desperate.

“Joon…,” she began, letting the word die in the air.

I sighed. “It’s not good for me, Hani. I wish you’d respect that.”

“I know. It’s selfish, and I know that. But…I just need to be with you right now, you know?”

“Don’t say that,” I said, pinching my eyes shut. But, to my surprise, my heart didn’t race like it used to. Instead, only annoyance.

“I mean it-,”

“Hani!” I shouted, slamming a hand on the table. I saw there on my wrist that hair elastic. What was it about that thing? “I’ve told you so many times, haven’t I? I’ve told you it’s not healthy!”

“Don’t yell!”

I shook my head, heart pounding now for an entirely different reason. “I’m not yelling,” I said, leveling my tone. “I…Hani, do you have any idea what it’s been like?”

She was quiet. “I…”

“Do you have any idea how hard it was? When you told me on graduation night. The years after. How you knew I knew you were still messing around on me,” I pinched my nose bridge. “I promised myself I wouldn’t make you feel guilty for it. That you yourself felt bad enough. That that would be enough for me too.”

“Joon…”

“But you can’t keep hurting people and expect them to give you the love you need,” I said. “You can’t keep putting me through the pain of reliving everything. It’s not fair.”

She said nothing. For a long time. But I heard the ambient sound of life on the other side of the phone, and I knew she was still there. Still listening, waiting for me to continue. But I didn’t have it in me. I’d said it. I’d finally howled.

“I…I don’t know what to say, Joon,” she said finally.

I nodded. “Me either.”

“I…can’t we meet up and talk this out in person?”

I exhaled, long and slow, and shook my head, eyes falling to the hair elastic on mu wrist. “No, Hani.”

She sighed. “Namjoon…”

“Go home, okay? Do it for Sooyoung,” I said before ending the call and tossing my phone onto the couch behind me.

Quietly, determined, I pulled my headphones back up around my ears, straightened my sweatshirt, and got back to work on the song.

“Namjoon!” someone called as I opened my eyes.

I didn’t even have a chance to react, because the girl who’d called for me had already wrapped her arms around my waist, burying her head in my shirt. It was familiar, this scene. Looking down at the top of a strange girl’s head in the middle of the darkness. Feeling her arms tighten around me. I might have resisted, might have pulled away, if I didn’t feel that same itch beneath my skin as I had watching that employee earlier today.

“Eun…Eunbyul?” I said, testing the name in my mouth.

She stiffened and pulled away, and once our eyes met the memories returned. Everything. Unwillingly, tears welled in my eyes and everything made sense. That wistfulness I’d been feeling all day, the sense of profound melancholia. After leaving the dream the night before, being so close, seeing something so painful, and having not even a spare second to console her…

Instead of saying anything, I swept her up in my arms again and let my head fall into the crook of her neck. She held tight too, like I might slip away if she didn’t keep her grip strong. She smelled like strawberry shampoo and the faint, barely-there scent of clay.

She breathed a shaky exhale and nodded against me. “I’m so fucking happy to see you,” she said softly.

I nodded, unable to summon words for a moment. “I…I saw you again today. At the pottery place.”

She nodded. “I saw you too. Walking away with Jimin.”

“I wish I would have gotten a good look at you,” I said.

“Me too…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

We stayed that way, embracing, for a moment that felt endless. Eunbyul was the first to break away, adjusting her glasses as she did. She sniffled a little, rubbing beneath her nose, and averted her eyes. Neither of us said anything, but it was clear something had shifted between us. Our relationship…whatever it was…was changing.

“Let’s…let’s do something fun tonight,” I said with a nod.

She smiled softly, pushing her hair from her face. She nodded. “I’d like that.”

Gently, I took her hand and shut my eyes. I tried to remember every detail of the place, every lamppost and vendor’s booth. I tried to conjure the cobbled walkways, the ferris wheel, the lanterns strung up in rows overhead. And when I opened my eyes, it was sunset and we were there.

“An amusement park?” she asked, chuckling. “And…wait, is this in Sangdo-dong?” she asked.

I nodded. “You know it?”

She stared, mystified and wide-eyed, at the park splayed out before her. “Um…yeah, actually. I think I mentioned it before, but…something kind of scary happened to me when I was young. It was pretty nearby here.”

I stiffened. “Shit, I can take us somewhere else-,”

She turned to me and smiled, shaking her head. “Don’t,” she said. “I wanna go on some rides.”

I blinked down at her, at the big sleep shirt with shorts just barely peeking out, at the bed hair, at the flush in her cheeks. And I felt myself flush too. I cleared my throat and began strolling toward one of the coasters.

“Do, uh…do you think the rides will work?” I asked.

She hummed. “I dunno. You’ve never tried?”

I shook my head. “I…also had something scary happen when I was a kid. Here at the amusement park. So I haven’t been back.”

“Oh,” she said, pausing in the walkway. “We can go someplace else.”

I smiled and rubbed circles into her hand. “No, it’s fine. It’s just…the only amusement park I could remember. And I remember it pretty vividly.”

She nodded. “Alright.”

“Here, let’s go on this one,” I said, pointing to the swinging pirate ship.

Her eyes glittered in the sunset as she stared at it. “Whoa,” she said, glancing around. “Who’s gonna operate it?”

I paused a moment and pursed my lips. “You sit down first and I’ll push a button or something.”

“Push a button?” she repeated, laughing.

I rolled my eyes and gave her shoulder a shove with mine. “Maybe two buttons,” I said, shrugging. I released her hand she gestured for her to go ahead onto the ride.

She waved at me over her shoulder and took a seat at the farthest row, the one right by the back of the ship. She bounced a little as she waited for me, smiling in my direction as I examined the control panel. Perhaps because I’d never seen it, I couldn’t quite imagine what it would look like and in its place was just a blank metal podium.

I sighed and rubbed my chin. “I mean…,” I began, talking to myself, “if it’s a dream, I can make the rules, right?”

I shut my eyes and imagined a big red button on the podium, one that would give the start a delay so I could take my seat with Eunbyul. As I opened my eyes, there it was and with a smile I pounded it. Told you, I thought, just one button. I heard the machine whirring up and sprinted as fast as I could toward the entrance of the ship. I bumped my shin on the way down the aisle and Eunbyul suppressed a laugh with her hand. Luckily, just as the thing lurched to life, I fell into the spot beside her with a heavy sigh.

“You ready?” I asked, smiling.

She laughed and nodded. “Been ready.”

I rolled my eyes as the ride began to swing like a pendulum, gradually increasing in speed and height. Soon, we were rocking back and forth, sent high into the air and then hovering, weightless, for a fraction of a second before plummeting back down to earth. Beside me, Eunbyul released a joyful scream, throwing her arms in the air as we swung up and down, back and forth. The wind whipped her hair around, and on each descent she had to squeeze her eyes nearly shut. She laughed as we swung and swung. If she’d let me, I’d liked to have kept sitting there forever, watching her smile and laugh as the pirate ship lurched.

But my brain seemed to know approximately how long a ride should be, and before too long, the ride slowed to a steady stop. Eunbyul, with her hair now windswept and waving and her eyes alight, turned to me with the brightest smile.

“That was so fun,” she said, laughing.

It was the first time I’d seen her with such unbridled happiness, an easy joy in her features. And she was beautiful. I wanted her to stay that way, stay smiling, stay messy, stay joyful.

I smiled. “What next?” I asked.

The two of us traveled through what I remembered of the park. It had been a long time since I’d seen the place, but it seemed the memory was nearly imprinted. After all, it was the last place I’d seen with Dad. I ambled easily by Eunbyul’s side as she explored my memories, and we stopped at nearly every ride. The log ride, the coaster that nearly blew out my eardrums, the haunted house sans actors to play the ghosts.

“Let’s go on that,” she said, pointing at the ferris wheel as it sat juxtaposed against the forever sunset.

I raised my brows. “Oh, sure.”

She turned to me and smiled. “Hey, Namjoon?” she asked, almost shy.

“Hm?”

“Thank you for…you know, taking me here,” she said, laughing lightly. “Lately, I’ve been feeling a little better and I think it’s because I’ve been able to spend time with you.”

“Eunbyul-,”

“Ugh, let’s go before I get sentimental,” she said, waving her hands with a pinched expression. I laughed as she led the way to the ferris wheel.

Once I’d pressed the identical red button and scrambled to join Eunbyul in the closed ferris wheel box, the two of us fell into a comfortable, easy silence. She gazed out the window as the blurry horizon that my mind couldn’t conjure, the place where all the colors blended together. And I watched her, silhouetted against the violent yellow sun as it descended into reds and oranges.

“So…,” I began, watching her keenly. “How do you know that pottery guy?”

She paused for a moment before pursing her lips and offering a shrug. “I met him recently. I was spying on him through the window.”

“Spying?”

She nodded. “Because it looks so nice when he throws pottery.”

I smiled softly. “It was really mesmerizing.”

She turned to me with a smile. “He’s a nice guy,” she said. “I think he believes in me too much.”

I shook my head. “I saw you working today, Eunbyul. You were…really competent. It was like watching Jimin make pottery. I couldn’t look away.”

Her skin went a little red in the cheeks and she cleared her throat, smoothing her palms over her kneecaps. “Well…”

“You’re better than you think you are.”

She sighed, letting her gaze fall. “Anyway, how do you know him?” she asked, letting my eyes again.

I smiled. “My friend Hoseok took me by today. He was trying to…embolden me, I guess. Get me back into my groove.”

“Your groove has been off?” she asked, brows raised.

I nodded. “For a while. I’m…stifled. In a lot of ways.”

She nodded. “And did it help? Seeing Jimin?”

I smiled softly, remembering that song. “Yeah. I…I made a song. For myself. Something I believe in.”

She smiled at me and reached out across the small space between our legs to pat my knee. “Namjoon! That’s amazing,” she said, chuckling. “That Jimin. He’s good, I’ll give him that.” She paused and glanced at me. “Let me hear the song sometime, okay? When we finally meet in real life.”

I swallowed hard and rubbed my neck. Nervous as I was for her to hear it, the offer was irresistible. I nodded. “And…just Joon is fine.”

She stared at me, blinking, before she chuckles breathily and nodded. “Ah! O-Okay. Then, uh…call me Byul, okay?”

“Byul…”

She went red and cleared her throat, laughing again. “God, it’s embarrassing to hear you say it,” she said.

I smiled. “Do a lot of people call you that?”

“No,” she said softly, watching her hands as the ferris wheel rolled lazily toward the top.

“Does that bookstore guy call you Byul?” I asked, unable to stop myself.

She stiffened. “Who?” she asked, then snapped her fingers. “Ah, Jin?”

I shrugged, pouting. “I dunno. The guy who was flirting with you at the bookstore.”

She laughed. “He wasn’t flirting, just…bored,” she said with a nod. “God, I guess…I guess I have a crush on him?” she said, but the way she furrowed her brow made it seem like she was unsure. “But these days, it feels a little different. Like…maybe I don’t.”

I smiled, just a little relieved, and nodded. “I feel the same way with my ex.” Eunbyul’s eyes snapped up to meet mine, wide and brown. “Um…she called tonight. Hani.”

She inhaled as if to speak, but only let it go and nodded. “Oh.”

“I told her she can’t come over anymore.”

I watched her expression change, like she was relieved too, and she exhaled slow. “Good job,” she said, meeting my eyes again with a smile. “That must have been hard.”

I shook my head. “It’s like you said. Like…the way I feel about her is different now. Even in real life.”

“Wonder why,” she said idly as she glanced out the window at the empty park below.

I felt my heart thundering in my chest and swallowed hard. Say it, Namjoon, I thought. Say it now or regret not saying it forever. “I can…think of a few reasons,” I said slowly, watching her for any sign to stop.

She stiffened a little and turned to me with wide eyes. “Huh?” she asked. Surprised, but not disgusted.

Slowly, I leaned across the small space between us so that our faces were close. “Byul, I…,” I began, chuckling as the nerves made my words catch in my throat. “Sorry, nervous,” I said, unable to stop myself from telling her the truth.

She nodded and gently took my hand. “It’s okay,” she said.

I took a steadying breath and met her warm, dark eyes. “I think I have feelings for you.”

She was still for a moment, still holding my hand, before slowly she let her eyes drop and her fingers slipped between mine. It was small, but the gesture felt intimate. And the space between us was charged, trapped in this small ferris wheel box. I knew it was stupid, that there was no way it could work. I knew it would be nearly impossible to meet her in real life if I couldn’t remember these dreams, and I knew that even meeting, even seeing her properly, might not be enough to make me remember. I knew it all. I knew it was stupid, and that this moment was finite and that in the morning I’d forget it ever happened.

But right then, I needed to kiss her.

And so I tipped my chin just enough for our lips to touch. It wasn’t the sort of kiss you see in movies. Passionate and frantic and desperate, hands clawing at each other, panting. No, it was…softer. Gentler. She jumped a little at the contact, but I watched with half-open eyes as she shut her own eyes and leaned into me, her fingers still laced in mine. Tenderly, I lifted a hand to rest along the line of her jaw, touching her just barely. I felt her tilt her head to the side and took the initiative to deepen the kiss, just enough. Smooth and slow, like butter melting in a pot. Smooth and slow.

I pulled away first, hand still holding her jaw, her hair fluttering against my knuckles, and stared at her with heavy-lidded eyes. “Sorry,” I said in a whisper. Everything felt hot, so hot I thought I might pass out if it weren’t a dream.

She shook her head and tightened her grip on my hand. “Don’t apologize.”

“I know it’s really impossible, but…,” I began, but stopped as I felt the pull once more in my chest. “Fuck,” I breathed, resting my forehead against hers.

“I know,” she said with a nod, shutting her eyes with a shaky exhale. “We…we’ll meet. We have to meet, okay?” she said.

I nodded against her forehead and shut my own eyes. Even though I knew it might be a lie, nonetheless I responded sincerely. “We will.”

“It’ll be okay.”

“You’re right.”

She nodded and sighed. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, Joon.”

“See you tomorrow, Byul.”

And in an instant, she slipped away.

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jswdmb1 · 5 years

Text

Presto

“If I could wave my magic wand

I’d make everything all right”

- Rush (lyrics by Neil Peart)

It’s interesting sometimes how things come together. Seemingly unrelated events, upon reflection, become connected. This may be coincidental, or something greater, but once the mind puts everything together, it’s hard to deny that the sum of the parts means something more than what meets the eye. I’m not sure, but I think this has happened to me recently, and I’m writing here to explore whether it’s true.

It started just over a week ago when I heard some horrible news about a friend of someone close to me that committed suicide. It was jarring to hear that happened to someone I knew and it was painful to see someone I love lose such a close friend. It also brought another reminder of the silent suffering of mental illness that so many face, which sometimes leaves them so hopeless that they see only one way out.

Then, last Friday, I heard that Neil Peart, the famous drummer from the band Rush passed away after a tough battle against cancer. This was sad news for a lot of people who are big fans of the band and I count as one of them. For me, though, the news brought back many fond memories of times in my life where their music played a prominent role. It made me appreciate again the gift of music and how fortunate I had been to be on the receiving end of genius such that Neil produced through his lyrics and his drum kit.

Finally, earlier this week, I caught an episode of “Lin’s Bin” on WXRT where he talked about bucket lists. If you missed it, Lin gave a poignant essay on why he doesn’t keep a bucket list. He instead “keeps his bucket empty to be ready to fill it with whatever surprises life brings us next.” He referenced simple moments in his life that were never anticipated but ended up being experiences far more valuable than any found on some arbitrary list. It was a great lesson in the value of taking one day at a time and not only being grateful for it, but coming into it with a willingness to experience life as it comes at you in the moment.

And that essay by Lin is what ties everything together for me. This blog is just a rip-off of Lin’s Bin anyway, so it makes perfect sense that things would finally click after listening to an episode. His advice to keep an empty bucket got me thinking about all of the things I have done that would have never been on a bucket list. More specifically, I started thinking about just the times that listening to Rush made such an unexpected memory. Like the time I was seven or eight and my best friend Tommy Fischer and I listened to the album 2112 on his older brother’s record player and I felt like a big kid for the first time. Or the time my car got stuck in the mud after my first ever concert at Alpine Valley when Rush came on their Presto tour. Or the time I met this goofy kid Eric for the first time while having dinner before a Rush show (at the Sizzler of all places) who is still one of my closest friends over 25 years later. Or even the past few days as I reconnected with the music over and over and listened to so many tributes about how the music touched them as well.

I could go on, and I’m sure that you could go through a similar exercise and discover as I did that the simple joys of life are rarely on a to do list yet always seem to make the most difference and the best memories. That brings me back to the first event, which has been so difficult to process. I have talked about suicide before, and I’ve shared my personal experiences, but this time was different. This one hurt someone I love very badly and the pain cut sharp and deep. It made me realize the true impact such an act has on others, but then it also made me think about all of the missed opportunity as well. If every day presents a well to fill your bucket with wonderful and unknown experiences, then what could be worse than denying yourself the opportunity to even see that day. As I lay here in bed trying to finish this post that I have been working on for days, it finally has occurred to me what I really have been wanting to say is this: Sure bad things could happen in the next day that comes; but a lot of good can happen too, and for almost all of us, past experience has proven that. So it seems to me that downturns, while natural, will pass, and we can’t let that get in the way of the opportunity of tomorrow. That may sound ridiculously optimistic, but I’ve been on the other side of that attitude and, trust me, that cannot be an option. To me, this can be the only choice from here on out.

I’m really afraid that I have oversimplified this, and I certainly do not want to downplay an unfortunate tragedy, but the events that took place over the last couple of weeks have forced me into some very deep reflection, which I think is good for the soul whether we like it or not. While I am incredibly sad about someone I know taking his own life, I am going to honor his memory and remember the lessons I learned from this experience by keeping my positive outlook on the future and the opportunity it presents. And hopefully by writing about it here, anyone who reads this will be touched by his memory as well. For now, though, I think the best we can do is start every day with an empty bucket and end each day grateful for whatever filled it. And after that, go to bed with a sense of excitement knowing We can do it all over again tomorrow.

As always thanks for listening and for keeping room in your buckets for the little drops I throw your way.

Cheers,

Jim

in memory of Joe P. - may your soul be at peace

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noona-clock · 6 years

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Boy Next Door - Part 4

Genre: Neighbor!AU

Pairing: Minho x You

By Admin B

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

So, after that perfect first date watching A Philadelphia Story in the park with pizza and wine, you honestly hadn’t been sure your relationship with Minho could get much better.

But you were wrong.

The next few months were pretty damn amazing. Even though both of you were sufficiently busy, and your schedule at the bridal boutique didn’t always coincide with Minho’s schedule at the gym, you spent as much of your free time together as you could.

You cooked meals for him at least three times a week, and he spent the night whenever he got the chance (his late-night ramblings actually helped lull you to sleep, and it helped him clear his mind, so it was really a win-win situation).

And for those of you who are nosy, the two of you ended up waiting just barely a month in before you took your relationship to the next level.

I mean, you were already super comfortable around him. You were emotionally ready, you were physically ready, and you were definitely willing.

Have you seen the guy?

EXACTLY.

So, pretty much his first attempt at seducing you had been successful.

And... like, really really good.

But, anyway. Moving on. 😉

You had worked the closing shift at the boutique last night, and Minho was working the opening shift at the gym today, so it had been a night when you two had slept in your own beds.

Neither of you was too upset about it, though, because you both still valued your personal space and alone time. You loved being together, of course, but a night to yourselves every now and then was certainly not unwelcome.

You had just been in the middle of your REM cycle when you woke up suddenly, feeling the weight of someone lying down next to you in your bed.

“Hmm?” you mumbled sleepily, lifting your head to see what was going on.

“Hey,” Minho whispered, cuddling up right behind you and resting his chin on your shoulder.

“Hey, what’s up?” you croaked, your voice sleep-filled and groggy.

“I’m sorry to wake you up because I know you worked late last night, but one of the tires on my car was flat.”

“Oh, no. You need a ride?” you mumbled.

“Well, I put on the spare, but I need to take it to the mechanic before I go to work. Would you be able to follow me there and then drop me off at the gym?”

“Mmm,” you nodded, turning onto your back and stretching to try and wake up a little more. “Pick you up, too?”

“If you can,” Minho murmured, leaning in to kiss your cheek. “Good morning, by the way.”

You turned your head to face him, a very sleepy smile pulling at your lips. “Good morning, handsome. Of course, I will drop you off and pick you up.”

“You,” he began, pausing in-between his words to kiss your forehead. “Are an angel. I love you.”

“Yeah, you’d better -- wait, what?”

It had taken a few seconds to register he’d actually said... that word.

Because he hadn’t ever said it before. Neither of you had. So it had kind of taken you by surprise, especially this early in the morning.

Minho put one hand on your cheek, his thumb gently caressing your skin as he gazed into your now widened eyes. “I love you,” he repeated.

Your sleepy grin turned wistful as your heart started to beat faster and glow with warmth at the same time.

“Really?” you whispered.

“Really.”

“I love you, too.”

“I don’t love you just because you’re driving me to work, though,” he assured you with a slight smirk.

“Oh? Then why do you love me?”

You almost immediately regretted asking this because you knew everything he said would make you blush wildly.

Thankfully, he chuckled softly and said, “If we didn’t have to leave, like, now, I would definitely tell you.”

“Okay, I’m getting up.”

You rolled out of bed with a groan before sliding your feet into some slippers and heading straight for the door. You honestly weren’t too proud to leave the house in your pajamas, especially since you had no intention of getting out of the car.

Once your keys (and a peppermint, seeing as you still had morning breath) were in hand, you followed Minho out to the parking lot and then proceeded to follow him in your car to the mechanic.

After dropping his own car off, he joined you in yours and talked the whole way to the gym. Minho had always been pretty outgoing, and that hadn’t changed one bit since you’d started dating. I mean, honestly, he probably talked even more. But he never talked just to talk; he always had something to say, and you were more than happy to listen. (Except when you were trying to sleep, of course, but he completely understood that.)

When you reached the gym, you pulled into a parking spot and turned your car off before looking over at him with a little smile.

“Thanks for the ride,” he murmured as he leaned over to give you your first goodbye kiss.

“You’re welcome,” you whispered against his lips.

“And sorry for waking you up so early.”

“No, it’s fine. I liked spending this time with you,” you assured him before kissing him again.

Minho reached a hand up to cradle your cheek, pulling at your lips gently and just barely dipping his tongue into your mouth.

Already his kiss had intoxicated you, making your head spin and your heart pound. So when he pulled away, you let out a soft whine.

“I’m sorry,” he chuckled. “I have to go, I’m already late.”

“Okay,” you pouted. “Have a good day.”

“I’ll call you on my break to let you know when to come and pick me up.”

You nodded, smiling cheesily when he kissed you one more time.

“I love you,” you said softly before he got the chance to pull away.

Minho paused for a few moments before suddenly attacking your face with kisses. You squealed and giggled and swatted at him to make him stop (even though you secretly adored when he did this).

“I love you, too,” he announced, placing one last kiss on your nose before reaching to open the car door. “See you later.”

“Okay, go,” you chuckled.

You watched as he finally got out of the car, saying ‘goodbye’ once more before closing the door and heading inside.

You chuckled softly, shaking your head to yourself as you put your keys back in the ignition.

And then suddenly Minho was standing by your door and knocking on your window.

“HOLY SHIT!” you cried, your heart jumping into your throat.

You let your forehead drop onto your steering wheel as you pressed the button to roll your window down, breathing heavily to try and get your heartbeat back to a normal rate.

Minho leaned in and placed a quick kiss on your cheek, and you honestly had to hold back from punching his arm.

“You scared the shit out of me!” you cried with a deeply furrowed brow.

“I love you!”

He was smiling so innocently, it was difficult for you to keep a smile off your own face.

“I love you, too, now get out of here!” you laughed.

“Okay, see you later, drive home safely, have a good day, don’t stay inside all day, and did I say I love you because I love you okay goodbye.” He pressed the quickest kiss to your cheek one last time before finally, actually heading into the gym.

Good grief, what were you going to do with that man?

...Love him.

That’s what you were going to do.

Since you had the day off, you spent your free time... well, doing whatever the heck you wanted.

You did a face mask, you painted your nails, you watched a romantic comedy on Netflix, you ate ramen, and you went against your boyfriend’s wishes by not venturing outside. Except when you went to go pick him up from work just before dinner time.

You did manage to get dressed before picking him up, too, and it was a good thing. You decided to get out of your car to wait for him since the weather was bearable, and when you saw him emerge from the gym, he wasn’t alone.

He was walking and chattering away with some girl, presumably a co-worker since she was wearing a shirt with the gym’s logo on it, just like Minho was.

You straightened up a little as they neared you, and when Minho got close enough, you saw his smile light up his face.

“Hey, you,” he greeted, reaching out and wrapping one arm around your waist to pull you in for a kiss.

“Hey,” you murmured softly. You weren’t one for public affection, but Minho most definitely was. You were still getting used to how easily he touched and kissed you in front of other people.

“This is Claire,” he introduced, gesturing to the girl he’d been walking with. “My co-worker.”

You smiled a bit shyly at her and extended your hand.

“Claire, this is Y/N. My girlfriend and your new wedding planner.”

You head jerked back in surprise as Claire shook your hand, and your confused gaze darted back and forth between her and Minho.

“Wh--what?” you stammered.

“Oh, thank god!” Claire proclaimed with a sigh of relief. “I just got engaged yesterday, and I already have so many thoughts and ideas, but I’m, like, the least organized person ever. And my girlfriend -- I mean, fiancé -- doesn’t care anything about anything, so she’s letting me do everything. I just need someone to help straighten out all my thoughts and actually make them a reality. Minho said you can do that?”

Claire was now gazing at you hopefully, and you were so taken by surprise, you hardly knew what to say.

Except, “Yes! Yes, I can do that!” And before you completely lost your head, you reached into your bag and produced one of your business cards.

“Perfect!” Claire chirped, a huge, beaming smile pulling at her lips. “When can we meet to start going over the details?”

“How about tomorrow afternoon?” You had a morning shift at the boutique so it would be easy enough to swing by on your way home.

“That should work! I don’t think my girlfriend is working, so we should both be able to meet with you -- no! My fiancé! Man, how long is it going to take me to get used to that?” she chuckled. “I’ll text you my address and everything later. Sounds good?”

“Sounds great!”

“Seriously, thank you so much,” she gushed, putting a hand on your arm before she wished you both a good evening and practically skipped off to her car.

You stood there for a few moments, frozen in complete and utter shock.

“Did...” You slowly shifted your gaze to Minho, who had the proudest, most excited grin on his lips. “Did that just happen?”

He nodded.

“I just -- you just found me my first client?”

He nodded again.

And then you squealed.

You jumped and hopped and threw your arms around his neck and thanked him and kissed him and cried a little.

Minho held you and kissed you back and smiled smugly because he was incredibly proud of himself for coming up with this idea and providing you with your first client to start achieving your dream.

Once you’d calmed down enough to get behind the wheel, you drove Minho over to the mechanics, holding his hand the whole time. And when you dropped him off, you leaned over to give him a goodbye kiss. You also offered to pick up something to eat on your way home to properly celebrate the day you’d had, an offer Minho readily accepted.

When you arrived home (well, at Minho’s apartment) about half an hour later with sub sandwiches in tow, the first thing you heard was the shower running.

This was typical, of course, since Minho was a personal trainer. He worked out for a living, so he took showers at least once a day.

But you decided to make things... not so typical.

You stuck the sandwiches in the fridge, tiptoed to the bathroom, quietly opened the door and asked if he would like some company.

You can guess what happened next.

Minho laid on his back, one hand cradling the back of his head while the other was scratching your back gently, his arm around wrapped around your shoulder. You were snuggled up to his side and tracing lazy patterns all over his chest, something which had become a habit of yours.

“Remember this morning?” Minho murmured.

“Mm,” you hummed, nestling even more into him and pressing your face into his neck.

“You asked me why I loved you. I’ll start with the obvious, get that out of the way first. You’re incredibly gorgeous and sexy and amazing in bed. None of that really matters, but I thought I’d put it out there, anyway.”

You could feel your cheeks burning as you placed a soft kiss on Minho’s collarbone.

“I also love you because you have a kind and caring heart. You don’t make me feel stupid for not knowing my way around a kitchen. You didn’t make fun of me when I asked for your help with my washer. I mean, you did as much as I deserved, but after that, you just taught me. You always ask me if I need anything or want anything, and you do things - really thoughtful, sweet things - without me ever asking. I love you because you’re brave and determined as hell. You packed up your whole life, left everything you knew, and moved to an entirely brand new city without knowing anyone. Just so you could follow your dream. And you didn’t stop until you made your dream come true.”

“You helped,” you reminded him, your voice muffled as you hadn’t yet moved away from his neck.

“I love you because you’re smart and funny and lazy and quiet and weird and confident and you let me ramble on at night and you sometimes even listen to my rambling, and I just love you. I can’t believe I ever wasn’t in love with you.”

You didn’t move or respond for a few moments, allowing all his words to sink in as silence filled the room.

And then you lifted your head, your cheeks pink and your eyes a bit watery and your heart about three times its usual size.

“Do I have to tell you all the reasons why I love you right now?” you sniffed. “Because I can’t really think properly at the moment.”

Minho simply chuckled and pressed his lips to yours. Honestly, you never had to tell him all the reasons why you loved him. He knew and felt all the reasons why you loved him, as cheesy as it sounds.

“I’ll just say,” you murmured, your lips brushing over his. “I love everything about you. Inside and out.”

“You mean you love my organs? My bones and muscle and everything?”

“Oh, I especially love your muscles,” you smirked.

Minho pushed you onto your back, tickling your sides and attacking you with kisses as you squealed and giggled. But you would never take back your words because you really did love his muscles.

You received a text message from Claire the following morning, asking what time was best for you. You’d just arrived at the boutique for your shift, so you quickly answered her, letting her know what time you got off work and asking her to send you her address.

You checked your phone on your break, first replying back to Minho’s messages with a cheesy grin on your lips before pulling up Claire’s address in your navigation app.

The prospect of being an actual wedding planner for someone was so nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time. You’d woken up about five times last night, even though Minho had gone on a particularly rambling rant about - what else? - love and life and happiness. His calming voice should’ve helped you sleep, but you were just too anxious about meeting your first clients.

The second your shift was over, you bade your co-workers goodbye and rushed out to your car.

Since you were so nervous, you blasted some music on the way there (though you really wished you could’ve called Minho - he was always good at distracting you and keeping you calm).

When you pulled up to Claire’s house, you took a deep breath, sent Minho a ‘WISH ME LUCK’ text and headed down the walkway to her front door.

After you rapped your knuckles on the solid oak, you realized you hadn’t actually let out the deep breath you’d taken, so you quickly did as you heard footsteps coming to greet you.

Claire’s friendly face appeared after she opened the door, and she stepped aside to let you in.

“Welcome to our humble abode,” she smiled. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Nice to see you, too,” you replied, hoping you didn’t sound too nervous or awkward.

“Come on in, my fiancé is in the kitchen - see, I got it right this time.”

You chuckled softly as you followed Claire down the hall, clutching your planner to your chest.

“Babe, the wedding planner is here! I know you don’t care, but at least come and say ‘Hi.’”

You entered the kitchen, eyebrows raised as you prepared to greet Claire’s fiancé.

“Okay,” you heard a voice reply with a soft laugh.

...Oh.

That... that voice sounded familiar. But... I mean, it couldn’t be. No way.

Your eyes landed on somebody - you presumed it was Claire’s fiancé - and... your heart stopped.

You would recognize her anywhere, no matter how long it had been. (It had been years, though, by the way).

And when she turned around, you saw she was just as surprised as you were.

Well.

Imagine that.

You were going to be planning the wedding of Minho’s co-worker to... your ex.

Part 5

Tagging @zhangjingyou @nekononamida @lightofsunshinee @oksws @this-song-thats-only-for-you @lost-girl-inc @comicbeginning @sterlingsilver0308 @smut-wars @thegreatxingmibeyond @jjong-dae77 @min-sugahappiness @superfangirlshipper @jongin-be-my-jagi @mark-tuan-and-namjoon-lover @isothetic @luvmesomekpopidols @miliminx @rol-de-canela-tu-gfa @beautifulseoulliar @jongdaelta @justasouthernlady @haveanotherkpopblog @leigh-darling @crazy-ladybug-lady @pentagonexobts @askmalstwin @sweethearterie @heyitsmelivvyg9 @dameviolencia @very-important-army @chanyeolol @prettywordsyouleft for updates! Readers, let me know if you would like to be added to this list!

-Admin B

Master list // RULES // Submit a Request! // Read About the Admins

#shinee #shinee scenarios #shinee imagines #shinee au #shinee fluff #minho #choi minho #minho scenarios #minho imagines #minho au #minho fluff #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop au #kpop fluff #admin b

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incarnateirony · 6 years

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Network Politics BS: My hot take on Wayward’s pass-over, Legacies, Charmed & misc.

Okay, so I've had some people ask why I mention Charmed at all (other people do, too, but I guess people just tend to wonder since I back my sh*t up generally) if it was Legacies that bumped Wayward off the line officially. This, however, requires some talk of schedules, network politics, budgets, and all kinds of crazy malarky.

So let's start with the CW schedule:

MONDAY 8 pm DC’s Legends of Tomorrow 9 pm Arrow (new time slot)

TUESDAY 8 pm The Flash 9 pm Black Lightning

WEDNESDAY 8 pm Riverdale 9 pm ALL AMERICAN

THURSDAY 8 pm Supernatural 9 pm LEGACIES

FRIDAY 8 pm Dynasty 9 pm Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (new time slot)

SUNDAY 8 pm Supergirl (new time slot) 9 pm CHARMED

Now, in general, TV isn't cheap to make. But some TV is cheaper to make than others. For example, Crazy Ex Girlfriend will run on the cheaper side, and Supernatural will run on the more expensive side. Why? Effects. Sets. Costumes. The works. Basically, the bigger concept and shinier it is, the more expensive it is to make. I *think* that's a pretty commonly understood thing, and hopefully I don't need to really source these things out the ass.

However, a show like Supernatural will also be more expensive than newer shows like Legacies, or Charmed, even if their theoretic set/effects/etc costs are the same. Why? Legacy paychecks, really. You know that thing, where you work at a job, and you make more money over time because you're good at it? Yeah. Also add in some enduring positions that are basically nominal at this point, people credited at an old important role when they barely tap on the line anymore these days, and so on. In short: in a 14 year show, it's entirely standard for your payroll to be inflated AF.

Now, let's talk about Wayward. Wayward would have very similar creation costs to SPN, but a generally reset payroll. Ish. They'd still bring in some legacy producers and the like, but we'd be starting closer to bottom, and really, a lot of elements could probably even be shared between production depending on the filming schedule worked out (such as re-used set pieces since it's the same universe ANYWAY and a chunk of the same team ANYWAY and probably would be shot really close to or in the same studio ANYWAY.) - so in base, Wayward would come close to, say, a new show like Charmed, or Legacies*, theoretically. (Mind that *, it will be important later.)

Okay, so let's take a moment to unpack what happened with Wayward.

Beyond the fact that Pedowitz danced circles about why they didn't pick it up to the press (creative/ratings/whatever), what we heard from a reliable upset source (was it Brianna? I'm trying to remember specifically) was they were told it was a contractual breakdown. Some people postulated it may have been Kat Newton's career picking up, being too busy, getting to expensive - the latter may have even played a *small* part in the decision, but not really; she was available, and it didn't get picked up.

What did happen was Plec came kicking in the door when the white smoke for renewal decisions was already rising and slapped down a script. What did happen was that Plec had a contract to make her cheaper to use. And what did happen was that Plec's franchise was ending anyway.

That's where that * comes in. Because while theoretically, they'd run a similar cost to Charmed or Wayward or whatever, she was a cheaper option, on a dying former big franchise that the CW was going to drop. Supernatural was still airing. They snatched this up. Wayward got shoved off at the last moment.

Okay cool, so why do I mention Charmed at all and not, say, other shows? They're a CBS property shoveled off onto the CW. Which isn't all that uncommon. In fact, I’m editing this to include the information I sort of glossed over that CW is supposed to have two CBS shows on it minimum at all times. Dynasty is one. Charmed is another. They have In The Dark on a backburner but people are projecting it basically dead on arrival. Instead, Charmed got a longer season order.

See, we talk about the CW being owned by the WB. Which is totes true. Thing is, it was basically the WB eating UPN which was a CBS property, and by proxy, we kind of maintain that connection, and we have a decent amount of shared properties between them. And frankly, even before WB ate UPN there was some sort of relationship. Given, it's not uncommon for one network to actually own a property but another to be the one that ends up making it. And despite being a WB show, it was a Paramount and Spelling product, which... well, their parents & successors were CBS. So basically, produced by CBS, aired on WB in the laymans terms.

TL, DR, shit happens.

Well, the thing is, back in 2013, Charmed's success on Netflix prompted CBS to try to do a reboot and it kind of fell on its fucking face before it ever left the gate.

Now, take a wild guess at Charmed 2018's production company and distributor: CBS television (and an indie company they’re working with).

Now I point back up to the WB/CBS/CW relationship and origins above.

Bingo. CBS wanting to shove out Reboot Attempt Take 2 comes on an overall parent company level of stomping and huffing and rather than just pitching it on general WB like before, well - rather than rambling I'm going to just link you to what happens if you google "The WB Fall schedule"

Yeah, that's the CW. Same old bullshit.

But again, the question lies in, why do I genuinely feel this impacted Wayward?

Wellllllll let's see.

Let's check that schedule back out.

MONDAY 8 pm DC’s Legends of Tomorrow 9 pm Arrow (new time slot)

TUESDAY 8 pm The Flash 9 pm Black Lightning

WEDNESDAY 8 pm Riverdale 9 pm ALL AMERICAN

THURSDAY 8 pm Supernatural 9 pm LEGACIES

FRIDAY 8 pm Dynasty 9 pm Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (new time slot)

SUNDAY 8 pm Supergirl (new time slot) 9 pm CHARMED

Legends of Tomorrow - solid demo for costs; Arrow - solid demo for costs. Both doing GREAT digitally. Also have a high likelihood of protection from DC the same way Agents of Shield has kind of a protection screen from Marvel. If they want their product to keep getting traction, they basically compensate a network for any respective losses taken. And frankly. The CW doesn't need those. Same for Flash, one of the top shows in the world digitally and top on the network, and Black Lightning that keeps climbing. So Monday and Tuesday? These are strong as FUCK.

Riverdale - like it or not is up to you, but it's also running well above CW expectations. Also has its comic affiliations. All American runs weaker, but it's also lower concept. Dynasty, same, but Leslie Moonves who is head of CBS said in 2017, "We own 100 percent of Dynasty and we've already licensed it to Netflix in 188 countries, so this means Dynasty is profitable even before it hits air." While CW's Pedowitz said this January 2018, "I'm disappointed in the ratings, I wanted it to do more, but I'm happy with the production values that Josh, Steph and Sallie are doing." Not big budget, disappointing ratings, but CBS gets its pockets lined from Netflix and (un)surprisingly, Pedowitz keeps it turning.

Crazy ex girlfriend? Meh-okay ratings for the CW, but low cost, and still announced its final season.

So now we're boiled down to:

Supernatural Legacies Supergirl Charmed

Supergirl: decently strong ratings for CW. Patent comic-can-be-smokescreened protections if need be, but really NOT needed. Doing good digitally. Really no issue.

Supernatural Legacies Charmed

Well, we know SPN is one of their biggest money makers in raw demos, much less digital market, so *flags around* this is a no brainer. But it's also one of their most expensive productions for the cost above.

Legacies Charmed

Well, we know about Legacies' cheap deal and the end of The Originals, so yes. Yes, Pedowitz would want to continue that.

Charmed.

...

Charmed.

*looks back at the failed 2013 CBS reboot*

*looks into the camera*

Charmed.

So what do we have here? A high concept, high budget, low demand show that CBS put onto CW like a number of other products. Only without any of the accolades or guarantees that their other products have.

Now, let's take this as a simple versus, if you're a dude in the frying pan like Mark, who's already choking down something failing miserably like Dynasties, but talking production value saves for costs, while CBS gets to run off with the profits. Let's look at this as a Mark Pedowitz who was handed Charmed and told HERE.

Better yet, CBS is basically haggling this through Propagate Content, which is an upcoming indie studio but still financing them out the ass. And CBS? Is going to get to run away with the dollars the same way.

So what does that leave Mark sitting in that chair? The same deal as Dynasty. And a fuckton of promotion to even make it worth his time. Which costs money. Which we saw today, with the pinned paid trend slot, the inescapable ads and everything else. Because CBS is just pitching it up to be able to ultimately put their new Charmed on Netflix. Consider this a net negative timeslot for him, the same as Dynasty is if he doesn't get it rolling.

Okay, so what do we have then. A big gaping hole in where his profitable TVD franchise was. A high-concept high-budget spinoff. And Julie Plec running in and slapping down something that he could pay less to make, and extend his franchise with.

----

Speculation? Yeah, sure. But very educated speculation based on how shit tends to roll.

But even when spirits and buzz were still high, the second I saw Charmed filming initial bullshit, my stomach clenched. I didn't dare to speak it, I wanted to think that hunch was wrong, because if Charmed was announced and filming, where the fuck was Wayward and why did we still not have news? There was a problem. A big problem. And CBS shoved that problem forward, ate out a timeslot, made a money hole for Mark and the long story short seems to be "I was old, I was white, I was a dude, I was losing money, I panicked."

Acting like Charmed being pitched into this lineup had no effect is wild. Charmed had a huge effect. Would Wayward have cost more to produce than CBS' handling of it? Yeah, but it also wouldn't be a giant upset of low/bad buzz like the pit of Charmed echoing Dynasties. And Legacies sure isn't going to be more expensive (actually, less) to produce than the TVD franchise that was about to leave a huge hole in their programming.

Was what happened with Legacies and Plec shitty? Fuck yes it was. But would it have gone down the same without Charmed doorkicking in? Like 98% no.

Contractual breakdown.

That's my hot take.

#supernatural #kinda #wayward sisters #adjacent #network politics #drama #money #and shit #wayward

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annabella98-blog1 · 5 years

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Day 0 - Preparation Day

Hello! I am about to embark on my first ever “Welfare Food Challenge!” The challenge originated from the need for people to understand just how difficult it truly is to live on- let alone feed yourself while living on welfare. To be honest I am quite excited about participating. I learned about the challenge through my interdisciplinary studies class at the Red Deer College and had never heard about it before. To be completely honest, I’ve never heard much about the welfare and subsidy programs that exist both within our province and country. If I’m deeply honest, I’ve lived a very privileged life, so I have never needed to know what these programs do for people personally. I’ve always been involved in charities and fundraisers and valued the benefits such programs have and the impact they can make upon someone’s life in both very positive or negative ways; but I can’t say that the knowledge of their exact intricate workings has never truly been something that comes to my mind. The very real fact is that these details may literally design an individual’s home life, social life, access to medical care, the food on their tables, and the clothes they are able to wear. ‘Poverty’ is a word we as people often associate with low-income countries and images of people with bare-feet and ripped clothes. Maybe you think of children from an ad you saw on television once- the point is, as a Canadian (and I do it too) I often don’t associate poverty with Canada or its citizens. How grossly wrong I would be!

1 in 7 Canadians lives in poverty, that’s 4.9 million people. http://www.cwp-csp.ca/poverty/just-the-facts/.

So, this week, to bring awareness to myself and maybe even hopefully others, I am excited to participate in the Welfare Food Challenge. The rules for the challenge are simple. For 7 days, I will feed myself on what someone with Welfare might have to spend on food- $21.00 CAD. Everyday I will blog about the food I am able to make and the effects these dietary changes have on my life, mood, ability to concentrate, even my social life and reflect on it here.

Day 0 consists of me enjoying my final ‘luxuries’ like that $5.70 chai latte that I would usually use to ‘treat’ myself and as many snacks and big meals I can manage to eat. Food is a huge influencer on my mood. I get hangry, nauseous, unfocused and even get headaches when I don’t eat, and I’ve never made any meal that wasn’t nearly instant or straight from frozen that had less than 3 ingredients, so I’m quite interested to see how this week pans out for me.

Preparation begins today, and I had no idea of exactly what foods to buy or even where to go to shop for food. Sure, I don’t usually shop in the most expensive of places, but I’ve also never truly had to think about where I was buying my food or if I could find it a little cheaper elsewhere. I also am not originally from Red Deer, and as a creature of habit usually shop in the same place every week around the same time and buy practically the same things. A quick google was less than helpful as “cheapest grocery stores in Red Deer” turned up some of the most expensive places I knew of. I had to talk to friends who grew up in the city to find my destination. Apparently, that being, Giant Tiger.

My shop took forever- I’ve never spent that long in a grocery store before, especially not for a shop that yielded so little bought produce. I spent hours walking in circles around the same five aisles comparing prices, my phone in front of my face calculating prices and adding tax so I could know where I was at. I had other difficulties- some of the food was of low quality and a lot of the meat was virtually inedible. All in all, I had no idea what I was doing. I looked at some foods I knew I would usually have bought and couldn’t believe the prices of butter, salt, chicken, milk or tea! So, I’m headed for a unique food week!

At the end of the day, I left the store with a dozen eggs, a bag of apples, a bag of oatmeal, some pasta, tomato sauce, carrots, a dozen ramen noodle packs, and a loaf of bread. In total, I spent $20.01. I’ve never experienced such relief about something that wasn’t an exam result! My shop was based purely on buying as much food as I could afford, this left no room for spices or salt like I would normally buy, or anything to drink that wasn’t water. Upon reflection, some people may not have access to clean tap water, which with the spring run-off is not something I even have access to without buying cleaned water from elsewhere.

The real challenge begins tomorrow! See you on day 1!

#day 0

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sinesalvatorem · 6 years

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Dancing Through Life

It’s quite possible that I learned more yesterday than in any other day of my life. However, one of the things I learned was that compressing information is an important part of life, so I’m going to try writing down a couple of the highlight realisations.

So, the day before yesterday, I realised that my stims were an important feature of my cognition. That they contained information produced by the process of me thinking, in much the same way that the verbal thoughts and mental images I experience are. In fact, the external movements are just as fundamentally important to thinking as the internal dialogue is.

I’ve always had a sense that something was missing, cognitively. That, even though I can in theory think quite fast, I was missing all the memory I should have available for processing those thoughts. I didn’t have enough registers to store the complex structures I was coming up with. I couldn’t put a thought down or I might never find it again. I was stuck.

Yesterday I found those registers. It turns out that entire complex action patterns can be compressed and stored as a series of muscle pulses - a sort of bitecode for the body. If I was stimming, I could hold a consistent pattern of these pulses over time, meaning I could remember a thought for longer even when it exited my verbal awareness. At no point yesterday did I explicitly notice that this was how to describe what was happening, but that’s what I was using to function.

I’ve long known I can’t think well when I don’t walk a lot. In fact, it can typically make the difference between depression and vitality. Earlier this week, I was feeling really down about not talking to people, but this turned out to be pretty much just my not going out walking in the sunshine while I had the cold. The moment I did that again, my mental skies cleared. It’s amazing how demonstrably biological of a system we are.

And part of this is how we store so much of our lives in muscle memory. I can type this whole essay despite being dyslexic because I have automatic patterns firing to tell me where to place my fingers on the keyboard. I don’t even look. Which is valuable, because it means I can do this really quickly, much like all the other habitual behaviours in my life.

While I wondered through the hills and valleys of San Francisco, I confidently offloaded various cognitive tasks to my low-level muscle patterns. They’re nowhere near as fast as my conscious mind, but they get the job done. When I wanted to go home, I just set an intention of going home and then tossed the thought to the side, allowing my legs to bring me home.

By dancing through my day, I was able to learn way more than I ever have before, because I could actually remember the things I picked up and bring them back for later. It was no longer a desperate race to figure out what the Most Important Thought was and pursue it and not squander this moment. I could set things aside, confident I could reach back out and pluck them again.

I finally felt abundance mindset down to the bone. I finally knew that, yes, I really do have everything I could ever need. Up in the hills surrounding Daly City, I became a G-d. And, having achieved that, I finally got some perspective.

For one thing, I realised I was safe. When I truly saw what the peak of healthy human cognition was - running and leaping across the savanna with rippling waves of muscle and thought - I realised that I vastly outclassed anything that could threaten me. I pretty much lost my fear of dogs, learned when I was chased by one as a kid. I wondered into nature and danced with the trees and tried to learn from the rhythms of ecology.

A very very lossy approximation of the complicated thing I realised up there is that I concluded I was immortal. This is an incorrect summary, but as a model it brings you some useful places. Let’s say I’m an information-processing system that gains value from creating pretty patterns - and I just learned I’m immortal. What does that mean to me?

For one, an end to scarcity. All my life, I’ve lived in a conscious state of deprivation. Of there not being enough oxygen in here. A lot of this was due to other people - people who hurt me if I acted weird, with the stimming being a part of that. People who forced me to do work of their desire, preventing me from controlling my own time. People who controlled how far I could walk and what I could investigate. Not allowing me inputs or space to process.

But the thing that matters to me is that the pretty patterns be instantiated. That the Good be actualised. It doesn’t actually matter when fundamentally. The constraints on what kind of patterns I’ll make (ie, impacts on the world in general) can all kind of be taken as one measure of how much room there is to operate in.

I felt scarcity because I felt like I would never be given enough breathing room to do something meaningful. I was also basically convinced I was going to be killed by someone at some point soon, so I didn’t think I had the space to make something deep and great.

My biggest fear was of being a failed child prodigy - because I just had no faith in being around to be an adult success. At 13 I started working on the Riemann Hypothesis, on the assumption that realistically I had 5 years left to do something Great before I got kicked out on the street and died. All of that melted away. I could see myself living on long enough to make any amount of building for tomorrow worthwhile.

I also learned a lot about what scarcity can do to someone.

There are various patterns that we perceive as pleasant. Symmetries are a good example. More complex patterns which still manage to be technically correct are generally perceived as more pleasant, but they have the downside of requiring more room - both in space and time. If you think you don’t have that, it makes sense to instead make a small and simple pattern, and then just repeat it a lot to get more pleasure.

Thus, if you don’t have much concern for tomorrow, you should sink everything into creating pleasure now. Mood-altering drugs! Risky sex! Thrill-seeking crimes! All the attractions of nihilistic teenagers are the universal attractors of a foreshortened future - I’m going out soon, so might as well go out with the best rush I can get my hands on.

This was also plain from the dance of the drug addicts I saw on the sidewalk while out. Except, well, they didn’t dance - they couldn’t. What I observed were their muscle movements, which generally consisted of strained forward motion while beset by extremely simple and repetitive ticks in various muscle groups. The worse their condition, the more muscle groups were in rebellion, and the more dissonant they were, until the individual was effectively beating himself up. (Yes, it was always men this far gone.)

The pattern of internal rebellion is fundamentally a product of lack of internal trust and of long-term rhythms, without which your muscles can’t coordinate except sporadically. In some biological sense, your muscles “want” the release of relaxing tension. If you keep a muscle tensed at all times, out of almost a lack of concern for the well being of your parts, it will decide you are a tyrant and try to overthrow you.

We often imagine ourselves grand sovereigns of our bodies, but this is an illusion of top-down order and mastery. Your cells have been forged together in a pact of trust and cooperation by evolution’s insistence that they’re better off together than alone. If you don’t act in such a way that every cell is, to a first approximation, benefited by the union, then pockets of mutiny will form - from chronic pain to cancer.

Oh, and most systems are like this. Is your psyche broken, warped, or in internal upheaval? Well, have you been living a life such that all your psychological drives feel attended to? If not, then no wonder some are trying to yank the steering wheel! Apply this lens appropriately to politics, economics, Trump, Brexit, and any items you own that might be in disrepair.

This post is just scratching the surface, but I think this is a reasonable summary of what I learned. Not at all because it contains what I learned, but because I think it conveys a detailed enough prescription that someone who followed this through could probably unravel the rest of what was worth mentioning. If you can also clear as much of the fog as I did by dancing your own dance, you too can see what I did up on that hill.

Which is why I’d really like to teach dance classes at some point, if there are interested local folks. Not, like, a specific style of dance - I’ve never learned a style of dance myself. I just mean helping people navigate the internal obstacles that prevent letting your thoughts flow into your muscles, since I now have a great deal of introspective access to the psychology of doing so. And, hopefully, I can give a hand to people in expanding more fully into themselves.

Today I’ve been completely refreshed. I’ve woken up into a life that has meaning and structure eons long. The beat of my longest period of oscillation is so slow that I have no urgent want for anything. Everything can be given over to its proper time and place, and it will come back around when next it’s needed. The ships I send out come home to dock. I can always trust my loose ends to be wrapped up by the time I’m done.

#amateur self psychology #heroic growth arc #long post cw #mother visible

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nicskoyoga · 6 years

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That girl needs therapy...

I’m excited to embark on a new journey, with a therapist I’m expecting to spend quite a lot of time with. Because I really want to? I guess so, yeah. Sick to death of experiencing my own let-downs. :(

Who cares? No-one REALLY

... not enough to get up off their arse and find out exactly what needs to be done.

Only those who’ve had to walk the path themselves can empathize completely. And actually I don’t know if I know anyone who has been through it all, and would be available to hold my hand. Why? Cos that’s not their vocation, and they’re not my mother, lover or dearest friend.

Gratitude without showing it

So completely grateful for the advice I’ve been given though....

Don’t get me wrong. It’s just so difficult to take advice though isn’t it?

Some people just learn in different ways. Some of us have to have our hand held, and...

Why? Because we’re a different kind of addict to our problems.

We’re the kind that hasn’t got the get-go to behold true deep reliable faith in ourselves. We gotta see it, have it agreed, and confirmed 1million times over, cos...

We’re too damn stuck to be able unspell ourselves from our own stupid miseries.

Heck I’m still I’m happy I’m me though!!! Wouldn’t wanna be the lot of ya, ha ha ha ha.

That’s probably my worst personality trait failing showing bright and true as it is there for ya for free, go on, hate on me. But ... I do believe I think I’m better, and yet I know I’m bloody useless too. And you’re amazing and better than me in too many shameful ways (yawn. but yet AWFUL!!!!)

So yeah... I know stuff. I’ve experienced changes. I could do with just a little bit more

Now... I know I’m getting all ahead of myself; already getting so super excited that I may be able to really enjoy my life deeply soon when,

I’ve had literally 1 session of therapy so obviously the help hasn’t yet begun really.... And yet,

I do believe a change is on the horizon.

This year has been pretty damn challenging in terms of managing (or not) my mental health problems. BUT it’s getting easier, I feel less sick, literally feel like good food is edible again. I have less headaches and anxiety attacks and my depressive states are gradually reducing.

Why do I tell this story?

Imagining that few to no people will read me. Because it’s me truthfully now. It’s what I am happy to help explain, and share.

God I try to let people know,

but it’s so damn depressing I don’t want to burden,

I just want to explain a little...

so they can understand;

why I am unable to tell them what is good with my life

and why I don’t want to join in anymore,

why I don’t want to actively live my life...

Because things aren’t in place in my life,

and every time I try to get on track, I get a knockback again before long, in the shape of stupid, F**king, ever-reappearing mental health shite.

Can you tell I’m a little bit angry about it?

I’m hugely ashamed about it,

...that I keep letting myself and others down, but not quite enough to pull my finger out, hey. Yep ... loser, and knows it. The ramblings of a suicidal you’d think? Nope I can’t even be bothered to think my life is worth ending, I’d rather suffer in knowing it’s wasted.

I used to, and still kind of do believe that

therapy is only really worthy of those who are suicidal. (WRONG)

Any of you who have ever encountered the questions by a health professional asking you if you are suicidal or have ever had suicical thoughts may know what I mean.

I mean... why are you asking me like it’s a determinator of how awful my life is, are you telling me to

get to that point before I’m ready to get help? Heck what the hell!

Obviously I know it’s about a duty of care. But my god, there’s gotta be some truth in giving those who are waiving the white flag at the grim reaper a red flag up to the top of the “that girl needs therapy” list

Money health talks

Do you know I managed to fail a health assessment for Employment Support Allowance, I was going to challenge it, yet I read the report and the statements were true.

And yet here I am 6 months later. Same situ, off job seekers. Struggling to keep working. I may as well take another bloody corporate job, at least I get better pay and better hours, cos my extra time and space right now doesn’t appear to be doing the trick

Sack me again, let me drain the corporations and get closer to that more important suicidal feelin’, yeah!!?

That trick I thought I had up my sleeve of becoming a yoga teacher would help me end of.

NOPE. Girl still needs therapy.

Of course I don’t have a clear strategy, I’ve been too poorly to address the essentials. Shame on me.

So where’s my support? My family find ways to help me hugely but it’s not easy, it’s not without discomfort and it’s certainly doesn’t feel like taking liberties living in luxury. It’s not possible for me to drain my parents retirement on which they’re living.

The system isn’t supporting me, and I am struggling to support myself. It’s sick.

So now a motivation for me to earn money is for me to afford my therapy. How nuts is that.

I choose a better present and a future as my priority. I’m offered to pay less but as a professional in a similar field I don’t wish to exploit this generosity. It’s empowering to know it’s possible, yet whilst I set my priorities on my basic needs and this,

How dare I lower her rates to charity level, that’s not on. Not unless I’ve succumbed to the addictions of life, materialism, capitalism, being unable to be in solitude or celebrate at low - zero expense

... then that’s my problem as far as I am concerned and should it happen, then I’ll be happy to say I’m sorry I am asking to take advantage of your generosity.

Money talks

My belief is that our economic balance is total trash,

Equality in life is at the essence of my beliefs,

Hence why I fall victim to believing that you are entitled to earn what your clients earn, if they value you, they will share the value of their time with you for the value of your time.

What they fail to see more often than not, is that the value of my time is not the time in which they have me in a room, or the spare minutes around or messages exchanged. Working as a yoga instructor, or fitness instructor is so poorly valued,

We spend so much time if we are doing a good proper job in keeping things afloat.

IE let’s example a building contractor. Why do you pay them so much? Well of course they have to go and

source the materials and put a premium on them no doubt,

and they have to do the plans

and my god may they have to market themselves?

Or pay for tools (no I don’t just need mats)

Let’s talk about my laptop which I wouldn’t have got honestly unless for work,

for the phone which is on it’s arse which needs replacing to enable me to pitch for more work,

what about the photo and video editing software, mic, camera etc that would all help me to keep going along this track so I can create content and stuff.

God I’ve even got to pay for word processor these days,

my insurances.

Do you know what I’d 100% ditch my car if it wasn’t for work so

How much do you spend on your car cos you’re income allows?

RANT OVER(ish) ... at the fear of sounding like a self-entitled arsehole, ha. But you see where I am going with this. These are not just set up costs, they’re business costs which will need attention over time, for an exchange of services = business

Even if it’s not a tangible asset, it’s a lifestyle choice like a car that actually you might walk away with lifelong lifestyle value against rather than depreciating bullshit.

There is business costs you wouldn’t consider, and you have lifestyle expectations that you demand of your employment, so because you think that it’s a choice or privilege for someone to pursue their vocation and it’s their responsibility or problem, and nothing of your concern that they have not found the way to achieve their income or funding without asking for reasonable rates of pay that reflect your own salaried hourly rate. Where do you expect business funding to come from? - Those who advantage from the business!

That’s why it’s so hard

Because,

Conflicting with this I also believe that yoga should not have this prestige image, or something of aspirational, it should be accessible to the masses ... god it’s within us so let me teach you how to practice yourself for free

My words are coming to an end. Terrible ramblings, I don’t have the patience right now to produce some quality content to share, hence why I don’t mind no-one it reading now. But maybe in time to come it may be seen and understood as a backstory. Shedding whatever lights I felt at the time, maybe changed, hopefully understood in the future with less conflict.

I would like to end this by offering my deepest apologies for my untruths, lies, letdowns, and would like to offer my deepest gratitude to those who read, who help, and who have the heart to care without judgement that this girl who needs therapy may always but has faith she will be absolutely amazing soon.

Almost THE END

And the last depressive note, just because hey, I am, and why not after being vocal on it.

Sleeping tablets.. I’ve had over my dose tonight, again. and look at the energy exuding from me.

Tomorrow no doubt I’ll be wiped and find my day tiresome needing naps or if I was in a office I’d be sitting pretending to do some mundane tasks extremely slowly (very rewarding).

So well done, thanks for the help there NHS / Benefits system. Sort the shit out.

Time out.

And next up... when is it ok to start telling people I am letting them down because I am too depressed and anxious?

.............................................THE END

#anxiety #depression #yogainstructor #fitnessinstructor #mentalhealth #therapy

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kansascityhappenings · 4 years

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Joe’s Weather World: Storms are possible…and it stays pretty toasty (WED-6/3)

Well no doubt about it…the month is starting hot. The mornings have been nice but you can definitely feel it more in the afternoon and today will be no exception to that.

Dew points are up to mid summer levels…and temperatures are following suit. Now add in a front (weak at best) and the potential of storms increases today. The activity later this afternoon may not be widespread at all though…and perhaps will favor areas more on the MO side, but another actually disturbance may come our way overnight…and that could bring some more widespread rain into the area.

____________________________________________________________

Forecast:

Today: Mostly sunny, hot and humid with highs approaching 90°. Heat indices will be in the mid 90s. Scattered storms may develop after 3PM…especially on the MO side. IF that happens, coverage may not be very widespread but the storms may have some gusty winds/hail with them in localized areas.

Tonight: The evening should be OK but later tonight into the wee hours of the morning storms may come into the area from the northwest. Some gusty winds are possible with these storms depending on how well they hold together.

Thursday: We should be stabilized and we may be a few degrees cooler too. Highs in the mid 80s

Friday: There may be some sort of complex in the early morning…then we should be OK for the rest of the day. Getting hotter again…with highs well into the 80s

_________________________________________________________________

Discussion:

Complicated forecast because of the different variables out there. Today is more simplistic in terms of the set-up. A cold front is to the north of the Metro early this morning and temperatures are going to heat up to near 90°. Dew points are going to be well into the 60s to near 70°. That means there will be a lot of instability building.

That front will ooze into the area today…and with the temperatures approaching (or exceeding 90°) a LOT of instability will be building. The front will be the trigger to this instability.

As the front drifts south…without a fully formed line of storms…it will slowly weaken and slow even more. In reality it may never make it through the Metro unless more storms come together and give it a shove southwards.

That means the storms will tend to be more scattered. The HRRR4 (newer version of the HRRR model) shows the almost isolated activity that may occur. The other issue is that the storms will also produce their own little rain cooled pockets of air that could trigger additional storms in the region. So at least the chance of storms will be around later today.

For timing…18Z is 1PM…21Z is 4PM…0Z is 7PM and 3Z is 10PM

The CAPES…which help us look at instability are really high…later today…this is for 5PM

3000-4000 are high values for sure…so IF things can pop…local areas can get some severe weather…gusty winds and hail would be the main threats.

Then we should be calmer for the evening and through 12AM.

After that another opportunity comes this way…tied to a disturbance that may create storms in the Plains tonight and roll towards the region. That though is a bit murky because of how well the potential storms hold together…or not.

The model data isn’t so great with the set-ups today or tonight. There are various flags showing that the disturbance overnight tonight may be in a weakening state as it comes this way. The models are also NOT handling the atmosphere in a realistic way with all sorts of quirks in how the future areas of rain are moving and developing. So I’m not exactly trusting them too much at this point.

They do show potential though and the key will be what happens later today in the western Plains. On the assumption that something comes together…that would tend to roll this way. We’ll have to see how well it holds together as it comes in but we should get at least some rain from that and a decent rain cooled air mass that hopefully will linger through Thursday.

For timing…3Z is 10PM…6Z is 1AM…9Z is 4AM and 12Z is 7AM

The overnight disturbance has the most potential of giving us some more widespread rain compared to the afternoon isolated to scattered storms.

Again all of this has triggered the SPC to place us under a “slight” risk of severe storms. Without stronger winds above the surface feeding into the complex tonight though I am questioning just how strong it will be when it comes through. IF the winds above us are stronger though that would be feeding the storms…and enabling them to maintain some semblance of strength as they come into the area.

So to recap…a BIG maybe for later today…and a better chance of something overnight after 1AM or so through 6AM.

Another chance of storms overnight Thursday into Friday AM and overnight Friday into early Saturday. We’ll deal with all that tomorrow and Friday.

Our feature photo tonight is from Chip Houser of the great sunset from a couple of nights ago.

Joe

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/weather/joes-weather-world-storms-are-possible-and-it-stays-pretty-toasty-wed-6-3/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/joes-weather-world-storms-are-possibleand-it-stays-pretty-toasty-wed-6-3/

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vsplusonline · 4 years

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A Guide To How Celeb Couples Are Spicing It Up In The Lockdown

New Post has been published on https://apzweb.com/a-guide-to-how-celeb-couples-are-spicing-it-up-in-the-lockdown/

A Guide To How Celeb Couples Are Spicing It Up In The Lockdown

Highlights

Deepika has been exploring her culinary skills for Ranveer

Saif and Kareena are busy with Taimur

Anushka and Virat have been sharing goofy selfies

New Delhi:

Let’s take our minds off the lockdown for a bit and appreciate all the love that’s painted Instagram red, courtesy some of Bollywood’s most popular couples. Needless to say that celebrities have super hectic lives and hence they are making the most of the lockdown by doing everything couple-y with their better halves and partners. From Kareena Kapoor-Saif Ali Khan and Deepika Padukone-Ranveer Singh to Anushka Sharma-Virat Kohli and Sonam Kapoor-Anand Ahuja – all of them have opened up on social media even more and been sharing slice-of-life glimpses of their everyday life. In case you have missed out on all the happenings in the celeb corner of the recent past, just keep calm and keep scrolling. Also, did you know Sussanne Khan has temporarily shifted to ex-husband Hrithik Roshan’s house so that the kids can be with both the parents? That’s cool, huh?

Kareena And Saif’s Happy Place:

Kareena, who made her official Instagram debut only recently, loves to browse on her phone, especially with a view of husband Saif reading a book right in front of her. When they are done admiring each other, couple things that Kareena and Saif do also include parenting for a large part – while Saif teached Taimur gardening, Kareena loves to click away! In a recent interview, Saif also said that he has been asking Kareena to teach him yoga. Now, we are eagerly waiting for Kareena and Saif’s couple yoga pics.

Deepika, Ranveer Are Couple Goals:

Deepika and Ranveer are on a eat-sleep-repeat kind of a mood. Deepika is literally spicing up the lockdown by creating yummy delicacies in the kitchen with Ranveer documenting each and every moment of Deepika’s culinary skills on Instagram. Nutella is a particular favourite in the Ranveer-Deepika household. When they are done being cute together, Deepika and Ranveer are also trolling each other on Instagram – she posted a photo of him sleeping while his “sweet revenge” came in the form of Deepika sneakily having Nutella. They are also working out together to burn those lockdown calories.

Always Something ROFL On Virushka’s Instagram:

Virat Kohli trusted Anushka with his haircut and she kept her promise. “This is what quarantine does to you. We allow things like this to happen,” Virat said in a video. Anushka is beating Virat at Monopoly like a boss. The couple also spend their lazy days playing with Anushka’s pet and clicking goofie selfies. Take a look.

It’s from our primary care givers – family that we learn how to tread the journey of life, how to walk, how to eat, how to socialize & then face the world. This forms our initial conditioning that has a lasting impact on us. In the world we inhabit today, there is a lot of uncertainty and I’m sure a lot of you have found that solace & sense of familiarity with your families. Stay at home to take care of everyone precious in your lives. And also make the most of these moments … smile, laugh, share, show affection, clear mis-understandings, develop stronger/healthier bonds, discuss life and dreams and pray for a better tomorrow. We all have been moved deeply, we all have been affected deeply and hopefully we will carry forward these lessons in the days to come. And hopefully, we have all conditioned ourselves to relook at the world we inhabited before all of this happened… P.S. : It was a super close game of Monopoly and the competitive side of everyone was out there. Any guesses who won??

A post shared by AnushkaSharma1588 (@anushkasharma) on Apr 6, 2020 at 10:30pm PDT

Every dark cloud had a silver lining. And this time, while it may seem like the worst time and in so many ways it actually is, has also forcefully made us all stop and deal with things we might have been running away from because either we were ‘busy’ or it was convenient to say we were ‘busy’. If this time is respected for what it is, it will enable more light to shine through. This time has also made us all realise what’s truly important. For me just having food, water and a roof over my head and the good health of my family seems MOST important. Everything else is a bonus that I bow my head in gratitude for. But, that which we call ‘basic’ is not so basic for everyone after looking at all the people who struggle for just those few things. My prayers with them and their families. May everyone be safe and secure. This time has surely made me more reflective. This need to stay at home with your loved ones has been forced upon the entire world but there is a deep lesson for us all. There is a lesson to strive for work and life balance ( I’ve valued and strived for this dearly for many years now ), there is a lesson to devote more time in things that actually matter. Today, when I’m surrounded by all the blessings in my life, I just want to tell everyone how much compassion I feel for everyone who I see suffer. I want to help as many possible in the best of my abilities. I feel pride in our resilience to be better human beings. I can instinctively feel this in and around me. We will all have our individual and subjective lessons from this time and hopefully, such lessons will continuously stay with us all.

A post shared by AnushkaSharma1588 (@anushkasharma) on Mar 31, 2020 at 10:29pm PDT

Twinkle’s Funny Tid Bits About Akshay:

Meanwhile, Twinkle Khanna and Akshay Kumar’s couple diaries included a trip to the hospital because Twinkle hurt her foot. Ahead of that, Twinkle was trying to work on her new book but Akshay is just not helping. All Twinkle wanted him to do was to keep Nitara occupied for a bit and all he did was “chatter away” with the little one.

Sonam And Anand’s Everyday’s Phenomenal:

While most celeb couple are in Maximum City, Sonam and Anand are in their Delhi residence. The lockdown was imposed when they were in self-quarantine after returning from London. Now, Sonam and Anand are spending their days talking about their love for sneakers, adorably failing at TikTok videos and posting love-up moments on Instagram. The cute couple are also debating on social media whether or not Anand should opt for a buzz cut (Sonam says no but shhh….).

Shibani Dandekar And Her Foo:

Shibani Dandekar and Farhan Akhtar’s couple activities include cuddling their pets and baking cookies. “I am a baker,” Shibani declared on Instagram recently after a few failed attempts. Since the lockdown started, Shibani and his “foo” often shared glimpses from their couple diaries on Instagram and for one such post, Shibani explained that’s because they didn’t get the social distancing memo. Aww, how cute is that?

Keeping Up With Malaika And Arjun’s Social Media PDA:

New couple on the block Malaika Arora and Arjun Kapoor may be living in separate houses during the lockdown but are setting major PDA goals on Instagram. Arjun and Malaika were spotted together on Janta Curfew, clapping from their balconies, after which they have only been spotted exchanging cute comments on Instagram. “You know I smile in my sleep nah,” Malaika told Arjun when he tried to point out that she’s smiling in her sleep. For another post of Malaika captioned “What to do next”, Arjun wrote: “Thinking where to sleep next.” LOL.

Arjun Rampal And Gabriella Share The Workload:

Arjun Rampal and Gabriella Demetriades, parents to a baby boy named Eric, have divided their work duties. “Who knew how good he was at vacuuming?” Gabriella wrote for a post. They also turned Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s 9 pm-9 minute challenge into a candlelight date night. Apart from being excellent at vacuuming, Arjun is also Gabriella’s personal photographer during the lockdown.

Meanwhile, Hrithik And Ex-Wife Sussanne Are Lockdown Buddies:

Hrithik and Sussanne may not be couple goals but they sure are setting parenting goals higher every day. Hrithik and Sussanne, who divorced in November 2014, continue to remain friends and their status changed to partners in lockdown only recently. Sussanne not only has shifted to Hrithik’s house during the lockdown period but has also set up office her temporary address. In a recent post, Hhrithik revealed that his interior designer ex-wife has taken up the job of eradicating “design irregularities” in the house. Earlier, Hrithik had shared a thank you note for Sussanne, writing: “Thank you Sussanne for being so supportive and understanding in our journey of co-parenting. Our children will tell the story we create for them.”

My temporary ‘home work space’ was interestingly put together to bring a little element of play while I work. The funny thing is, my time on this ‘put together’ desk (made of flat cushion seats from an existing sofa seating composition that we had in this space, and then we put a low lying coffee table on top and…there it was, my perfect desk!) with a view of the glorious Arabian Sea and an isolated Juhu beach, this is a visual which honestly I shouldn’t get used to! As I sit and ponder over the ghastly effects of what this dreadful virus has had on each one of us, and what it may continue to have on the entire planet in general, I must say I can’t help but feel along with the uncertainty, an inner peace. There will be a diverse amount of good, that its post effects will bring on all of us. The kind that will remind us to grow a little each day, to produce better solutions for our projects, to be more giving for the less fortunate and most importantly, to be better contributors in our daily lives towards this beautiful planet. Stay home, stay safe and design your thoughts. #architecturaldigest #letsmakethiswork #lovewhatyoudo #ADindia #mybestfriendsgorgeoushome #thelabellife #workfromhomewear #designyourthoughts #prayingfortheplanet #stayhomestaysafe #thankfulforhavingahome #oneplanettoprotect credit @hrithikroshan

A post shared by Sussanne Khan (@suzkr) on Mar 27, 2020 at 3:49am PDT

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econ23econlive · 5 years

Text

Soukenomics

By Shahad Aziz (42961306)

Econ 23 (Discussion section 62091)

The Genie

“So what are the rules…?” Nadia asked suspiciously of the giant green golden jewelry clad genie, floating in its plumes of smoke. She considered all the ways she could ease the financial trouble her family was in since her Aunt’s hands began to twitch. Amtu Sara would normally supply up to thirty rugs for Baba to sell in the Souk, but now was supplying ten at most. If Baba raised his prices, the customers would easily go to any other vendor. Maybe she could wish for her aunt’s arthritis to heal, for more money, maybe just more wishes.

“Do you wish to know the rules, sayidati?” The coy genie volleyed back in its chorus of voices as it surveyed the young scrappy girl sitting hunched forward on a beautiful Bedouin rug in her small mud house. She seemed so much more innocent than its previous owners. But all humans are the same, it thought: selfish and power hungry.

“Am I allowed to wish for more wishes?” Nadia asked. A smile formed on the genie's lips as it nodded yes. Nadia felt distrustful of the celestial being, so she wished with caution.

“I wish for three additional wishes”

“Done” the genie snapped. “Three more wishes. You now have five”

“I wish to know all the rules and conditions associated with this wishing process”

“Very well sayidati.

Rule 1. I cannot heal someone from a sickness without transferring that ailment on someone else you personally know.

Rule 2. I cannot conjure something out of nothing. If you wish for an egg, A farmer elsewhere loses one. This applies to my magic as well. I only have magic for three wishes per person. If you wish for more wishes, the remaining magic is split evenly among the remaining ones. Some wishes will therefore only be partially complete or finished in a way to satisfy your wording but not your intentions….

Four wishes remaining”

“Y-you tricked me! You should have told me about the quality of the wishes before-hand! And what about the rest of the rules?” Nadia seethed at the wicked genie.

“I did what was in my power without you making a wish, sayidati. As for the rules, there are five but I can only complete your wishes at 40 percent capacity now,” The genie replied matter-of-factly.

Nadia fumed at the genie’s trickery, and more so at its widening smile as it curiously watched her. She didn’t have the patience to think of the proper wishes today. She banished the genie back to its golden lamp and prepared a humble dinner for Baba who would be returning from the market soon. Dinner went silently amongst father and daughter as it had for the past couple of weeks, before they both set up their cots to sleep. Nadia thought all night about what kind of calculated wishes to make in order to save her family.

Wish 3

When she arose, Baba had already left for the souk. She took the lamp out from under her cot with determination, and rubbed it until the plumes of smoke conjured the familiar shape of the Genie.

“Your wish is my command, sayidati,” The genie voiced with its normal air of mischief.

“I wish that my father’s rug business would excel!”

The genie let in a sharp intake of air as it cautiously snapped. “... It is done.”

Nadia heard the trepidation in the genie’s voice but didn’t want to appear weak by asking why. She took her mind off the wish by taking care of the household chores and reading. By the time Baba came home, she ran up to him excitedly and asked him how his day went.

“It was so-so,” he replied. “All the rugs were bought out. Now, we have to wait for your Amtu Sara to make more for me to sell.”

“But that’s great, Baba, right? You managed to sell your whole inventory!”

“Habibti, I can only sell the rugs at the price all the other vendors are selling them. And that price is how much we spend more or less to make a rug. We don’t really make a profit.”

“But Baba, if you don’t make a profit, how are we staying in business?”

“Well, initially, the money we got back compensated us for the costs of running the business. The time needed to make a rug, the upkeep of the stand, and loom. But now, it’s taking more time and resources to produce each rug. The more time your Amtu Sara spends on making rugs, the more time and cotton she needs.” Baba sighed a deep sigh, “It’s okay ya benti, we will find a way.” Nadia finished her dinner in defeated silence and cursed the genie for its trickery. She would make it right tomorrow.

Wish 4

When Nadia awoke, Baba was out of the house again. A note was left by her cot saying he went to visit her Amu Adil and Amtu Sara. She took the lamp out and vigorously rubbed it, ready to verbally eviscerate the useless genie. As the genie took form, it had its hands up in the motion of a surrender.

“Sayidati, I only granted your wish the best I could to my ability. Your father’s business is perfectly competitive. It does not matter how much he can sell, he won’t make a profit.”

“Well, how am I supposed to save my family’s business then?” Nadia fumed.

The genie sighed at the pitiful human, “Sayidati, if I may suggest, why don’t you wish for business advice? It won’t be complete, but it will help you.”

“Business is common sense! People demand rugs, we supply it. But, clearly the rug business isn’t profitable in my aunt’s state,” Nadia began to pace angrily staring at the genie decked out in gold, while the genie itself looked on with nerves. “I wish that our family business dealt in gold instead!”

With a sharp exhale, a look of concern, and a snap, the genie replied, “It is done.”

Nadia bided her time anxiously waiting for Baba to return. The door opened and closed quietly, as her father entered the house with a pensive look on his face.

“Habibti, after a long discussion with Sara and Adil, we have decided, we will sell the rug business for a jewelry stand within the next few months.”

Nadia beamed at the news, but her smile began to fade in the coming weeks as she saw less and less of her father. The closest goldmine was a whole day journey outside of town. Baba was gone most of the week mining. Amu Adil spent his time processing the gold. They would be the only jewelry vendors in town, and thus stood to make a lot of profit. Baba mentioned that the jewelry made from their haul could easily bring them 200 dirham. Yet, Nadia could not help but feel troubled. Her father’s back ached and his hands were bruised. Amu Adil already scarred both of his hands from the metallurgy. The price of a new stand and the smithing costs were negligible compared to their potential revenue, but Nadia could not help but feel that 200 dirham for their troubles was not enough. She felt compelled to conjure the genie.

“Genie, why were you concerned about this wish?” she asked dejectedly.

“I knew your family would not profit, sayidati,” the genie replied with condolence.

“But… we will. We’ll make more than we paid.”

“Perhaps now is the time to wish for a lesson in economics, sayidati. You still have two more wishes”

“Fine,” Nadia moped. “I wish for a thorough lesson in economics.”

With a smile, the genie snapped.

“Sayidati, the most important question you can ask in business is, ‘What is the cost to pursue this action.’ You may think the costs are just monetary, but it’s also intangible things like your time, and health. Your father and uncle are paying for this business with their health, and time away from you. Is the value you put on family time, and your family’s health more than how much you stand to gain from the business?”

“Y-yes… yes it is. Baba and Amu Adil’s health is worth more than just 200 dirham!”

Nadia felt the knowledge saturate her brain as the genie catechized her on economics. Supply and demand, total revenue, costs, competitive markets, monop— . Just as it began, the knowledge abruptly stopped about 40 percent through the lesson. Typical.

Wish 6

After five failed attempts at wishes, and armed with a semi-formed idea of economics, Nadia began to craft her last wish. The jewelry business would be monetarily profitable, but the intangible costs outweighed the revenue. If only the gold weren’t so hard to obtain and process. That’s it. She smiled slyly at the genie, who smiled hopefully back at her.

“Genie, I wish 100 percent of the gold my father finds is difficult to extract and refine.” A large grin spread across the celestial being’s face as it snapped.

Miles away, Baba began realizing that suddenly most of the gold he found fell out by a simple strike of his pick. Yet, he continued to chisel at the very difficult chunks of precious metal as well. They refused to budge. After much back breaking struggle, he realized the harder pieces were not worth it, and focused on the ores that were magically much simpler to mine out.

Amu Adil very quickly became aware that the gold Baba brought was surprisingly easy to smelt and shape. He began processing much faster than before, and in much larger quantities. Nadia was pleased with her wish. Her father’s back pains subsided as he spent less time in the mines and her uncle stopped getting hurt through his metallurgy practices.

However, when it came time to sell their large quantities of jewelry at the market, Nadia had an intuitive feeling course through her that they shouldn’t lay out their whole inventory. Supply and demand taught her that a lower supply sells for a higher price. Impressed by her knowledge, Baba allowed Nadia to run the shop.

After several weeks of studying her transactions in the souk, Nadia became an adept saleswoman. She found the quantity at which producing one more piece of jewelry cost them the same as how much extra money they received for it, and prescribed her uncle and father to only produce at those levels. Their profits began to rise quickly, and the family began tasting a life of stability.

Paying it Forward

“How much for the lamp?” a young girl with large eyes and a scrappy fez asked Nadia at her flourishing corner store one day.

A quiet passed over Nadia. Baba must have found the lamp and put it with the rest of the inventory. She cleared her throat, hoping to clear her sentimental attachment to the item that was now useless to her, and quoted a price in line with the rest of her inventory.

“Two dirham, habibti”

“Oh,” The young girl gave a disappointed pout. “I only have one.”

A contemplative silence passed through Nadia as she watched the young girl trudge away. She hadn’t paid anything for the lamp she found by chance, and it served her no purpose now.

“Wait, young girl!”

The child turned around.

“One dirham. It’s yours”

The girl’s face lit up, “Shukraan, shukraan!” the girl thanked her, “My mom and I pass by your store so often, but it’s always just a bit too much for us, so thank you!”

Nadia smiled reflectively as she handed the young girl the lamp in exchange for what was still pure profit. She thought about how many people bypassed her store because of the price. She would still profit if they bought it any price higher than or equal to the cost to produce the jewelry, she realized. She decided she would allow customers to barter if the price was too high for them. Not even out of its lamp, and the genie had taught her another lesson.

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