#house cleaning wellington

[eliteresidentialandcommercial]

If you're ready to take the stress out of house cleaning and enjoy a fresh and clean home, consider hiring professional house cleaning Wellington area. You'll be amazed at the difference they can make in your daily life!

[natsukishinomiyaswife]

⋆ 𝓡𝓲𝓭𝓭𝓵𝓮 𝓡𝓸𝓼𝓮𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓼: 𝓓𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓼 ⋆

Please note: This is a repost from my old blog, @sugarcookiesheep!

This was the first story I ever posted on my old blog, and my first series too! It was a series that featured most of the Twisted Wonderland cast as fathers, and what their child/children are like! (With the Reader being referred to as mom!)

I had only completed Riddle and Cater's parts (while posting sneak peaks of others), and I may come back to it someday! Until then, enjoy! ♡

⋆ As a father I believe that Riddle would be strict but fair. He would be patient with his children and control his temper but wouldn’t be afraid to put his foot down. He’d be the type of parent to implement chore wheels and good behavior charts and use parental controls on electronics to make sure his kids keep up with their studies. If they were doing particularly bad in a certain subject or struggled with something, Riddle would be more than happy to tutor them. He would make worksheets to help them practice and would take extra care helping them with homework or assignments, and make sure to go over exactly what they’re struggling with until they understood. If his child’s school had a PTA (Parent Teacher Association) he would be a part of it for sure.

⋆ Riddle’s eldest son would be a little troublemaker, not really following any of the rules Riddle makes. Instead, he would question Riddle’s rules and create his own, making a game out of it. Riddle once tried to follow his son’s rules (in the hopes that it would teach him some obedience), but his son just gave him a look of confusion before stating that the rules had changed, and that Riddle was now breaking the rules by following the old ones. Let’s just say this game is Riddle’s least favorite lol

⋆ While he’s good for his mom, he enjoys riling his father up and always acts innocent afterwards in the hopes of getting away with it (You never really seem to buy it though)

⋆ He has a big sweet tooth (just like his father), constantly trying to sneak cookies or tarts or cakes out of the kitchen. Half the time he doesn’t even try to sneak it, just grabs whatever he’s after and makes a run for it. You’ll be doing some cleaning, trying to tidy up the house, when suddenly here comes your toddler running with fistfuls of cookies while your husband chases after him. Even when you lock the desserts up he still somehow manages to get them, much to Riddle’s dismay.

⋆ In place of gold stars you decided to get scented stickers shaped like desserts for the good behavior chart, as that seemed to encourage your eldest son to behave more

⋆ Whenever he has a nightmare, he always goes to his dad. You’ve walked into the kitchen more than once in the early morning and found Riddle and your son fast asleep at the table, half empty mugs of milk and cookie crumbs around them. It’s a sight that always fills you with warmth.

⋆ When he gets to be a little bit older (around 5 or 6) You and Riddle cave and get him the pet hedgehog he’d been wanting (Riddle hoping it teaches him some responsibility) He is very responsible when it comes to his pet and takes excellent care of him. He considers the hedgehog to be his best friend (and partner in crime), taking him wherever he goes. (The hedgehog’s name is Beef Hedgington, and he’s named after Beef Wellington)

⋆ The boys are around 5-6 years apart age wise, so your eldest son got his pet hedgehog Beef before his little brother was born.

⋆ There are plenty of times where you or Riddle would enter the baby’s room and find that your eldest left his pet in his brother’s crib. When you ask him, he’d simply say that Beef is there to watch over him and protect him if need be. It makes for some cute photos in the family album!

⋆ Riddle’s younger son is quite the contrast to his brother, a shy boy that tries his best to follow the rules and doesn’t want to stand out. He’s content watching quietly in the background as his older brother gets up to his latest shenanigans, though on occasion he can be convinced to join him.

⋆ He prefers to play alone or with his brother, usually keeping to himself while your eldest is running around with the other kids at the park. He gets a bit anxious in social situations, especially when he’s unfamiliar with the person. But if another kid did approach him and wanted to play with him he would hesitate for a second before nodding his head yes, gesturing towards the toys he was playing with. It always makes you and Riddle so happy whenever he makes a new friend at school, his body language giving away how excited he is.

⋆ Much like your husband and eldest son (and you), your younger son also has a big sweet tooth. Unlike your eldest though, he doesn’t try to sneak or take any desserts. Instead he would follow you around as you’re baking, or gaze longingly at whatever sweet he wanted. You would pick up on this and give him one as a treat, or let him lick the spoon while you’re baking (after making him promise not to tell his brother)

⋆ Riddle started a tradition where when it’s someone’s birthday in the family, you would all go to Trey’s bakery and get them their own special cake/dessert. The kid’s always get so excited whenever they get to go see their “Uncle Trey”, especially when it’s one of their birthdays. They always have fun choosing a different cake flavor or dessert every year, watching Trey make and decorate it before serving it to them. You have a special photo album specifically for these occasions, making sure to always include Trey and his family in the pictures.

⋆ One of your favorites in the album is a photo from Riddle’s birthday, his face and shirt a mess of frosting as your two boys had both wanted to feed their father his cake. Trey is in the background laughing while your off to the side trying to wipe some frosting off Riddle’s face, your two boys smiling towards the camera with frosting smudged around their mouths. It’s a photo you love so much you end up framing it and hanging it near the front door so that it’s the last thing Riddle sees when he leaves to go to work. A beautiful reminder of his wonderful and loving family ♡

Originally posted: November 25th, 2023

𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴 𝔂𝓸𝓾! ♡

[tloaak]

today we lost the great Efeso Collins, during a charity event to raise funds for clean drinking water for children in the pacific. here is his incredible parliamentary maiden speech from just last week (transcript below). i encourage you to listen, and if you can, donate to childfund's water fund here

Tēnā koe, Mr Speaker. Mai i ngā hau o Ōtāhuhu-nui-a-Rangi, o Maungarei, o Motukaroa; mai i ngā awa o Hikuwaru, o Tāmaki e rere ki te Waitematā, kei te Mānukanuka-o-Hoturoa, ko Kaiwhare, ko Taramainuku kua tau, kua tau ki ngā whenua o Ngāti Toa Rangatira, o Taranaki Whānui ki Te Ūpoko o Te Ika. Tēnā anō tatou.

[From the winds of Ōtāhuhu, of Mount Wellington, of Hamlin's Hill; from the rivers of Hikuwaru, of Tāmaki flowing to the Waitematā, to the Mānukau Harbour; Kaiwhare and Taramainuku have arrived, have arrived to the lands of Ngāti Toa Rangatira, of Taranaki Whānui in the Wellington region. Greetings to us all.]

E fakatālofa atu ki te māmālu o koutou na tamāna ma na mātua, vena foki na uho ma tuafāfine kua mafai ke fakatahi i te po nei. Vikia te Atua ko tātou kua mafai ke fakatahi venei. Mālo ma fakafetai.

Fai mai ina ua teʻi ae Iakopo i le mea sa moe ai, ona ia fai ane lea, e moni lava e i ai Ieova i le mea nei. E moni lava e i ai Ieova i le mea nei. Faafetai le Atua aua e le faaitiitia lou viiga. Ua ifo i ati malie tuʻumoega o le taeao le sa tafa i vanu tafaoga o manu sisina, ae sa faalepa le au pea, sa fili ma le manoa le fetu taʻimatagi, ae sei faalaolao le puli matagi aua ua nofoia vao tutuʻi i le malumalu ma nuʻu malumau o le maota.

Ou te le fagota la i le sao aua ua uma ona fili le utu ma uu le vao fofou. Fai mai le matematega nai tumua, ua pei o se iʻa e moemauga o le atuolo, o foliga matagofie ia ma le maualuga, maualuga lava o lenei aso aisea, ae a lea ua malutaueʻe le tiʻa sa maluʻia, ua tapu lalaga foʻi le vaʻa o le Tuimanʻua mamana ua atoa laʻau i fogaʻa.

Faafetai le Atua le Tama, le Alo ma le Agaga Sa, aua sa tu i Fagalilo tapaau o le alataua, ae sa matemate foʻi aiga sa Tagaloa pe tua ma ni a lenei aso. Ae faafetai i le Atua, aua ua tepa i ula, tagaʻi i ula, foʻi atu lou viiga e faavavau. Faafetai i le tapuaʻiga a oʻu matua ma oʻu aiga, faafetai tele i matua o si oʻu toʻalua ma ona aiga, i le latou lagolago aemaise talosaga molia. Faafetai i uo ma e masani, aemaise o le paʻia o le aufaigaluega totofi a le Atua, i soʻo se fata faitaulaga—Faafetai tatalo. Ae faapitoaugafa saʻu faafetai i si oʻu toalua Finevasa Fia aemaise si aʻu fanau pele Tapuiela ma Asalemo faafetai tatalo, malo le onosaʻi. Ae tapuaʻi maia ma le manuia.

Mr Speaker, it is an indescribable feeling to stand up and address this House. As a son of Samoan immigrants who made the mighty Ōtara 274—Southside hard—their home, I am well aware of the giants whose shoulders I stand on and the masters whose feet I learnt at. The courage, foresight, entrepreneurial spirit, and hope of our ancestors who journeyed thousands of years ago through the vast waters of Te Moana-nui-a-Kiwa brings me here today.

My parents arrived in New Zealand in the early 1960s, told that this was the land of milk and honey. Dad started off as a taxi driver with South Auckland Taxis, and mum on the factory floor at New Zealand Forest Products in Penrose. We lived in a four-bedroom State house on Preston Road in Ōtara, and I attended local schools: East Tāmaki Primary, Ferguson Intermediate, and the great Tangaroa College. We're forever grateful for the State house that was our home for around 20 years, and the quality public education we received from our local State schools.

I did try my hand for a short period at a decile 10 school outside of Ōtara, but that experiment lasted only two weeks. It was during the time in the late 1980s, when families from poorer areas were being discouraged from going to local schools because they weren't considered up to scratch. I'm glad we changed course and decided to high school it in Ōtara, where the motto of our school was "Waiho i te tokā tu Moana"—"Steadfast like a rock in the sea".

Later, at university, I went on to write my Master's dissertation on brown flight, critiquing the Picot reforms that have wreaked havoc on our public schooling system. That period was also a challenging time for my family because we were being told by our teachers to stop speaking Samoan at home and only to speak English. My parents didn't want us to fail at school, so we were allowed to speak English at home and over time we stopped speaking Samoan altogether. In the end, I lost my language. I struggled, I was embarrassed, and I felt incomplete. Even speaking to you in Samoan this evening gives me major tremors.

There's a saying in Samoan: "E le tu fa'amauga se tagata"—no one stands alone, no one succeeds alone—and, for me, no one suffers alone. Over the past years, with the support of my family and friends, I've taken to trying to converse again in Samoan, reading more texts in Samoan, praying in Samoan, and sending our youngest to a local Samoan early childhood centre. Our beautiful language, Gagana Samoa, has returned to our home and is helping to overcome the inadequacy that had taken root in my soul.

As I speak this evening, I'm mindful of the many young people who are navigating these at times treacherous and unsettled waters in life, filled with so much potential, energy, and hope, yet too often misunderstood. In my time as a youth worker in South Auckland, I've spoken with hundreds of young people with massive dreams for the future. We need youth workers, we need social workers, and we need mentors to walk alongside our young people, and, yes, we want our youth to be responsible and caring and considerate. So it's our job in this House to resource the people and organisations who will model the behaviour to them that we expect, but who also won't give up on them and won't come with a saviour mentality.

Many of our societal challenges are driven by poverty. We can achieve greater social cohesion and lift our sense of belonging by addressing poverty. I've been honoured to run youth mentoring programmes for nearly 25 years—that's about how old I am—and to this day I mentor young people. When we undertook and published research on youth gangs some years ago, the youth we spoke to had the solutions and just needed the means to make it happen. Too many of our young people are filling our prisons, and it is wasted human potential. Give them the tools, the resources, and the means to make a meaningful contribution to the world, and they will. I was at a conference recently about the threats to democracy and an attendee spoke about their work in developing nations and used the familiar retort, "You can't eat democracy." And I couldn't agree more. This House, this centre of democracy, needs to do more to engage our people, all of our people, so that they can see this House is not just relevant but an essential part of their lives.

The greatest challenge facing our generation is climate change. The Pacific Islands nations are among the most vulnerable to climate change in the world. The world's continued reliance on fossil fuels, loss of coral reefs, rising sea levels, and increasing severe weather patterns means that our extended whānau in the Pacific are in immediate danger. We, as a collective, must do all we can to do as we say out south "flip the script". Truth is, those who've done the least to create this predicament are being the hardest hit. Our challenges, whether ecological, geopolitical, or cultural, are diverse, but we're bonded by the inextricable ties we have to our lands and our oceans. We've inherited philosophies, knowledge systems, and profound ecological wisdom that holds the answers and drives our collective resilience—from West Papua to Hawai'i. Our fight for a climate resilient, nuclear-free and independent Pacific remains as strong as ever. We are not drowning; we are fighting.

I haven't come to Parliament to learn—learning happens as a matter of course through reflection. I've come to this House to help. Helping is a deliberate act. I'm here to help this Government govern for all of New Zealand, and I'm here to open the door, enabling our communities to connect better with this House. During the election campaign, I spoke to people frustrated about their lot in life, scared for their and their children's futures, and feeling their dreams were slipping away. The people I spoke to expect the Government to do more and move faster. And I know that there are some in this House who believe Government is not the answer to these challenges and that less Government is better. But here's the thing: the Government cannot be a bystander to people suffering confusion and disenfranchisement. New Zealand must close the divide between those who have and those who have not, because the reality for my community is that those who have more money often wield more power, more health, more housing, more justice, more access, more canopy cover, more lobbyists with swipe cards, and more time. And the opposite is true for those who have fewer resources.

It's hard to be poor, it's expensive to be poor, and moreover, public discourse is making it socially unacceptable to be poor. Whether it's bashing on beneficiaries, dragging our feet towards a living wage, throwing shade on school breakfast programmes, or restricting people's ability to collectively bargain for fairer working conditions, we must do better to lift aspirations and the lived realities of all our people. To that end, I want to say to this House with complete surety that the neoliberal experiment of the 1980s has failed. The economics of creating unemployment to manage inflation is farcical when domestic inflation in New Zealand has been driven by big corporates making excessive profits. It's time to draw a line in the sand, and alongside my colleagues here in Te Pāti Kākāriki, we've come as the pallbearers of neoliberalism, to bury these shallow, insufferable ideas once and for all. And this, sir, is our act of love.

Paolo Freire, in his seminal work Pedagogy of the Oppressed, said love is an act of courage, not fear; love is a commitment to others. No matter where the oppressed are found, the act of love is a commitment to their cause, the cause of liberation. The most recent election campaign left many in our Māori communities bruised and targeted for the perceived privileges supposedly bestowed upon them. Shared governance is a rich concept about how we include those who've been excluded for far too long in the work of this House and the democratic institutions that are fundamental to our collective wellbeing. We are Tangata Tiriti and we have nothing to fear. As a New Zealand-born Samoan living in South Auckland, I've experienced, written about, and spoken about racism in this country. I've also been on a well-publicised journey in understanding the needs and views of our rainbow communities, and I have a long way to go. And my message to whānau who often experience the sharp end of discrimination—disabled, ethnic, rainbow, brown, seniors, and neurodiverse—is thank you for trusting us with the responsibility of facilitating a new discussion on how we move forward together and make possible what was once deemed impossible.

The American civil rights activist James Baldwin said, "Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." We commit to working across this House as a nation and with each other irrespective of our post code, income bracket, skin colour, or level of qualification attained. But, in order for that work, we must come with humility, the desire to listen, and dare I say it, maybe speaking last. If I was to inspire anyone by getting to this House and my work over the next three years, I hope that it's the square pegs, the misfits, the forgotten, the unloved, the invisible—it's the dreamers who want more, expect more, are impatient for change, and have this uncanny ability to stretch us further.

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

going to fire emblem for canon gay rep is like going to a burger king for beef wellington. like sure, if you ask enough for years they'll probably make it but it won't really be good and if you want it done a certain way you need to go to another restaurant or you can buy the true Burger King where both ways are available but also the restaurant isn't very good compared to like the five guys's down the street where they don't do beef wellington but they keep the bathrooms clean and the menu isn't really problematic and and you can go home and talk about the ingredients making a beef wellington really well and someone makes a Five Guys's Beef Wellington mod so at this point why both waiting on the restaurants to make Burger Wellington 3 Houses where if you sit down in section A or B you get a bunch of options of Beef Wellington but if you go to C or D you get like four options and there's like two options total if you like men, one of which they added on later after people were upset the only mlm Beef Wellington was some annoying green bitch who i want nothing to do with so i might as well go home and make my own Alois-Style Beef Wellington! FUCK YOU BURGER KING! WHY THE FUCK CANT I DATE ALOIS! WHY DO YOUR FRIES SUCK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

are you okay

[xxsycamore]

🦅 𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐍 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 PART 1

PART 2 HERE. for my other Ikevamp works, go here!

⤶ go back to masterlist navigation

💕special selection:

Emergency Nap(-oleon)! [fluff] Tags: Menstruation; period cramps; Sleepy couch cuddles;napping; Fluff

Our Little Family [fluff & smut] Tags: Dad!Napoleon headcanonss + scenarious; Parenthood; Married Life; Kid Fic; Pregnancy; original kid characters; Bedtime Stories; Baby Names; Bad Cooking; Chores; Tea Parties; Light Angst; Past Lives; Dad!Napoleon; Mom!Reader; the mansion’s residents are good uncles; Fluff; Tooth-Rotting Fluff; Domestic Fluff; Eventual Smut; Massage; Body Worship; Cunnilingus; Quickies; Hand Jobs; Morning Sex

KISSAHOLIC [smut] Tags: Bickering; Femdom to Maledom; Light Dom/sub; Lipstick; Kissing; Marking; Neck Kissing; Teasing; Nipple Play; Blow Jobs; Dirty Talk; Vaginal Sex; Size Kink; Multiple Orgasms; Creampie; Post-Sex Cuddless

Making a home [fluff & smut] Tags: Househusband!Napoleon headcanons + scenarios; Domestic fluff; Married characters; Working wife MC; Bathing/Washing; Massage; Foot Massage; Chores; Cooking; House Cleaning; Smut; Somnophilia; Blow Jobs; Oral Sex; Face-Fucking; Rough Oral Sex; Lap Sex; Dirty Talk; Bathroom Sex; Bathtub Sex; Vanilla; Riding; Lazy Mornings; Lazy Sex; Creampie; Tooth-Rotting Fluff

Memories [fluff]Tags: Very slightly suggestive themes; Anniversary Celebrations; Filming; Travelogue; Time Travel; They’re now living in the 21st century; Alternate Universe - Modern Setting; Cooking; Horseback Riding; Dancing; Suggestive Themes; Humor; Fluff; Kissing

❣ all works (latest -> oldest)

Kink Headcanons for Napoleon (+ his rating on them) [ALWAYS ACCEPTING REQUESTS FOR MORE]:

🦶 foot fetish  🥵 breeding kink  🥕 pregging  😈 dom/sub  🍈 breast kink  ⛓ bondage  🩸 period kink  👄 marking  🐺 predator/prey  🏙 public sex  🤗 praise kink  👅 cunnilingus

ficlets from my 1000 followers celebration event:  🤲- Do the classic “Can you hold something for me” 🤲- Do the classic “Can you hold something for me” (2) 💋 - Pull them in for a sudden fierce kiss 🎼- Serenade them with a love song 🎼- Serenade them with a love song (2)

Paradiso Terrestre part 1 ; part 2 ; part 3 [multichapter] Tags: Vacation; Birthday; Fluff

When you're feeling cold... [fluff] Tags: Cuddling & Snuggling; Sleepy Cuddles; Morning Cuddles; All the cuddles; Spooning; Little spoon Napo anyone?; Blushing Napo; Sharing Body Heat

Napoleon Gets Ready for a Date [crack] Tags: All 12 residents & MC; Humor; Crack; Dress Up 

Sunkissed Nunuche [fluff] Tags: Banter; Silliness; Sunburns

Ikemen MLM & WLW stories ficlets: quello che vuoi, lo ottieni - Mafia AU - Napoleon x Wellington wings of freedom - Magic AU - Napoleon x Genderbent!MC treasure - Pirate/Mermaid AU - Napoleon x Jean uncovered - Soulmates AU - Napoleon x Jean

KISSAHOLIC [smut] Tags: Bickering; Femdom to Maledom; Light Dom/sub; Lipstick; Kissing; Marking; Neck Kissing; Teasing; Nipple Play; Blow Jobs; Dirty Talk; Vaginal Sex; Size Kink; Multiple Orgasms; Creampie; Post-Sex Cuddless

In the Month of May - Chapters 1-10 ; Chapters 10-20 ; Chapters 20-31 [multichapter] Tags: MerMay 2023; Mermaid AU; Mermaid!Mitsuki; Developing Relationship; Retelling of Napoleon's route; Angst; Blood and Injury; Humor; Fluff; Love Confessions; First kiss

Hors d'oeuvre of What Now?! [fluff] Tags: Married Characters; Vacation; Lunch; Dates; Humor

Chemtrails Over Our Secret Spot [fluff]Tags: Picnics; Painting; Dates; Fluff; Humor; Married Characters

Le petit-déjeuner [fluff]Tags: fluff; kissing; morning kisses; hand kisses; contains one suggestive line

Catboy!Napoleon[headcanons] Tags: fluff, catboy traits, Napoleon is both vampire and catboy

Nap, Napo, Napster, Napoleoni, Napoleoncito, et cetera[fluff]Tags: nicknames, humor, !! slightly suggestive

Up The Hill [fluff] Tags: hiking; dates

Our Little Family[fluff & smut]Tags: Dad!Napoleon headcanonss + scenarious; Parenthood; Married Life; Kid Fic; Pregnancy; original kid characters; Bedtime Stories; Baby Names; Bad Cooking; Chores; Tea Parties; Light Angst; Past Lives; Dad!Napoleon; Mom!Reader; the mansion’s residents are good uncles; Fluff; Tooth-Rotting Fluff; Domestic Fluff; Eventual Smut; Massage; Body Worship; Cunnilingus; Quickies; Hand Jobs; Morning Sex

Attention On Me![fluff]Tags: fluff; christmas shopping; sharing a scarf; kissing

Blow My Brains Out [smut]Tags:Gυn Kink; Bad Use of Police Equipment; Alternate Universe - Modern Setting; Deepthroating A GυN; and not just the gυn; deranged smut; Blow Jobs; Come Swallowing; Police Uniforms 

The Catastrophe(Napoleon x Wellington) [crack]Tags: Crack Treated Seriously; Humor; Light Angst; they’re fighting :( ; Arguing; Shapeshifting; Making Up; Happy Ending; reference to that one scene at the cliff; Established Relationship; Kissing; Sexual Tension (just a lil bit); Fluff; Naps; also present in the fic are: Sebastian, Arthur, Theo, Vincent, Dazai, Comte

Emergency Nap(-oleon)![fluff] Tags: Menstruation; period cramps; Sleepy couch cuddles;napping; Fluff

Memories [fluff]Tags: Very slightly suggestive themes; Anniversary Celebrations; Filming; Travelogue; Time Travel; They’re now living in the 21st century; Alternate Universe - Modern Setting; Cooking; Horseback Riding; Dancing; Suggestive Themes; Humor; Fluff; Kissing

Making a home[fluff & smut] Tags: Househusband!Napoleon headcanons + scenarios; Domestic fluff; Married characters; Working wife MC; Bathing/Washing; Massage; Foot Massage; Chores; Cooking; House Cleaning; Smut; Somnophilia; Blow Jobs; Oral Sex; Face-Fucking; Rough Oral Sex; Lap Sex; Dirty Talk; Bathroom Sex; Bathtub Sex; Vanilla; Riding; Lazy Mornings; Lazy Sex; Creampie; Tooth-Rotting Fluff

Methods of War(Napoleon x Wellington x Alexander I (OC)) [smut] Tags: Threesome - M/M/M; Poly relationship; Humor; a very rare angry Napo; Light Bondage; Historical Inaccuracy (because we use xmas lights as a plot device); Nipple Play; Neck Kissing; Orgasm Denial; Riding; Anal Sex; Blow Jobs; Body Worship; Banter

But baby, it’s cold outside! [fluff] Tags: sharing clothes; hot chocolate

A piece of heaven on earth[fluff & smut]Tags: Cottagecore headcanons + scenarios; Domestic fluff; Moving out; Moving in together; Married characters; Outdoor sex; Cunnilingus

White-hot spotlight [smut]Tags: Rock star!Napoleon; Rock stars AU; Backstage sex; Semi-public sex; Piercings; Tongue Piercings; Making out; Blowjobs; Choking; Come swallowing

Leave it to you to make a mess of me(Napoleon x Wellington) [smut] Tags: First Time; Spit As Lube; Clothed Sex; Anal Fingering; Anal Sex; Banter; Teasing; Eventual Fluff;  Humor

Out of red and blue[smut]Tags: Making out; French kissing

Head in the clouds[smut] Tags: Modern AU; Pilot! Napoleon; Sеx on a plane; Semi-public sеx; Blowjobs; Vaginal fingering; Come swallowing

A Temporary Truce[fluff]Tags: Theater; Crossdressing; Feelings; they get sappy; mc being the strong woman she is

Vanilla Sunday[fluff]Tags: Birthday fic; Alternate Universe - Modern Setting; Teacher Napoleon; Established Relationship; Birthday Fluff; Morning Cuddles; Fluff; Domestic Fluff

The kind of thing people do on honeymoons [smut] Tags:  Honeymoon; Sex on the Beach; Public Sex; Vampire Bites; Blood Drinking

The day my heart stopped (almost) forever [hurt/comfort] Tags: written for Napoleon’s d/eath-anniversary; becomes very fluffy and wholesome; the other residents make an appearance 

He’s about to cry…[crack] Tags: based on a poorly made ikevamp app; implied sexual content

Bitter, bitter, honey (Napoleon x Wellington) [hurt/comfort] Tags: amnesia; bittersweet 

Fit for a Princess[fluff] Tags: Morning cuddles; Dreams; Banter

Yume Week 2020 DAY 1: First[fluff] Tags: humor; massage 

Yume Week 2020 DAY 2: Flowers[fluff] Tags: slightly suggestive; drunk characters; alcohol; bathtubs; bathing with clothes on; flowers 

Yume Week 2020 DAY 3: Confession[fluff] Tags: humor; Truth or Dare; the other residents making an appearance 

Yume Week 2020 DAY 4: Rain[fluff] Tags: naps; laundry incidents; angry sebastian 

Yume Week 2020 DAY 5: Fate[fluff] Tags: lots of dialogue; strolling; dates; humor; suggestive language

Yume Week 2020 DAY 6: Sorry[fluff] Tags: humor; jealousy; misunderstandings; arthur is involved

Last morning of the year[fluff] Tags:  Morning cuddles and kisses

Lost with you[hurt/comfort] Tags: bittersweet

salvus diluculo[hurt/comfort] Tags: fluff at the end 

Keep me in pursuit[smut] Tags: Hand Jobs; Glove Kink; Semi-Public Sex

Eyes on you[smut] Tags: Mirror sex; Teasing, Vaginal sex; Creampie

A master’s order (Napoleon x Sebastian) [smut] Tags: Dom/Sub undertones; Orgasm denial, Crying; Anal sex; Ass slapping; Begging

No conclusion[smut] Tags:  Making out, Vampire bites

YOU MAKE IT EASY (TO WATCH THE WORLD WITH LOVE)//NAPOLEON BIRTHDAY PROMPTS 2020:

i. We slept side by side [ snooze ] [fluff] Tags: suggestive themes

ii. We laughed [ école ] [fluff] Tags: Napoleon’s students; humor; 

iii. We fought a bear or two [ dessert ] [fluff] Tags: cooking; humor; kissing 

iv. We swirled together [ dance ] [fluff] Tags: dancing competition

v. We remembered the past [ letter ] [fluff] Tags: emotions; crying 

vi. We wondered about the future [ home ] [fluff] Tags: the other residents making an appearance; gardening 

vii. We were madly in love [ fangs ] [smut] Tags: vampire bites; oral sex; vaginal fingering; vaginal sex; creampie 

viii. We saw the first snow [ garret ] [fluff] Tags: late night conversations

ix. We welcomed the day [ field ] [fluff] Tags: implied sexual content; horse riding 

x. We were happy, awfully happy. [ celebrations ] [fluff] Tags: birthday fic; the other residents making an appearance; humor; surprises; birthday presents; birthday party 

Make the moon jealous of our love [smut] Tags:  Vaginal sex, Outdoor sex; Sex in the water 

Miserere mei [AO3 ONLY] - [angst] Tags: no MC; nightmares; past trauma; character d/eath; blood and injury 

J'en ai rêvé [AO3 ONLY] - [fluff] Tags: singing; tooth-rotting fluff

The touch of your lips [AO3 ONLY] [smut] Tags: Quickies, Lap sex, Vaginal sex, Creampie

A butler’s job [AO3 ONLY] - (Napoleon/Sebastian) [smut] Tags: Blowjobs, somnophilia; choking

Game The Mess [AO3 ONLY] [hurt/comfort] Tags: bittersweet; napoleon remembering things from the past 

Le temps de l'amour [AO3 ONLY] [smut] Tags: Cock Worship; Hand Jobs; Cum Fetish; Lipstick; Teasing

Not even in dreams we could be [AO3 ONLY] [hurt/comfort] Tags: past trauma; nightmares; mentions of d/eath; angst; mentions of fire 

[inposterumcumgaudio]

Gemma Olsen?

Gemma, Gemma, Gemma!

Everyone always says they want Prudence DLC, but why would you want that when you could have Gemma DLC?

We only actually see Gemma for this brief moment, but her impact on the story is immense.

I will admit that on my first few playthroughs, though, Gemma's storyline was confusing to me. As it was, I thought these Doctors were taking her to Haworth Labs. They seem to work for Dr. Verloc to judge by the dialogue in Gemma's living room after this scene so that would make sense. However, we later learn that she was actually taken to Wellington Health. The actual order of events is that Gemma has escaped from Haworth Labs and just now returned to her home to find these Doctors waiting to whisk her away to Wellington Health.

Arthur has a cut line implying that Gemma was being taken to Haworth Labs (although he'd have no way to know that):

028i Looks like I've got another reason to go to Haworth Labs. And a really good reason not to get caught there.

That the final cut of the game has her going to Wellington Health instead I think also contributes to the popular but unsubstantiated idea that the rivalry between Wellington Health and Haworth Labs is anything more than a clash of personalities. Even still, the two organizations do seem to be somewhat cooperative in this case, leadership disagreements or not.

As for Gemma's relationship with her organization's leadership, it seems quite friendly. Gemma refers to Margaret as "Chief", Margaret's memos are casual and even playful (referring to herself as "headmistress" while gently chiding Gemma for taking too long to deliver her article on the Tunnel Rats), although she also expresses worry. From what she says to Arthur, Gemma's her only reporter that's worth any kind of damn.

Howeveur...

Margaret is also not entirely forthcoming with Gemma about her intentions. She sends Gemma to the Motilene HQ on the pretense of writing an(other, according to Peter Thump) puff piece on the arts and (sub)culture, but with a vague appended notion to look into rumors about leaks in the pipes.

It's difficult to say how much of that is Margaret just giving Gemma a subtle prod in a direction or if it's understood by both of them that this is really what Margaret wants to know about. Because for as much as Gemma loves to know things she's not supposed to, she also recognizes that none of this can be published and wonders how much she should tell Margaret... while it is, in fact, Margaret's secret plan to publish it.

You what though? Margaret gives Gemma this assignment on September 23rd, 1964, but Gemma checks into Haworth Labs Personalized Care Program on September 2nd. But she'd have actually had to have followed though on the Motilene HQ assignment to have all those notes about it and be telling her caretakers that the town is about to collapse.

A discrepancy in this game? No!

A couple things our patient notes tell us:

Gemma has a mother still kicking about. Probably? Possible this is a Coconut delusion or a misremembrance from her previous Joy use. Her house shows no indication that her mother lives with her. A mother probably wouldn't let you leave your work (with Downer shit in it) everywhere, tack up conspiracy boards all over the walls, and put typewriters in every room. Including the bathroom.

I do like to think, though, that the Crier that lives on the top floor of Thomasina House in Arthur's act is Gemma's mother.

And it's flown right out of my head.

By George, I think I've got it!

I don't know why you encouraged me, I'm rubbish at it.

I don't suppose you've got any ideas.

If I just had some inspiration.

If only you could just be a writer.

Is that a cliché?

It came easy to you, didn't it?

"It's easy, isn't it? You just sit down at your desk and open up a vein."

No wonder I can't write anything, look at this sink.

Nothing gets you ready to write like a little cleaning.

Out damn spot! Out, I say!

Shit you might say if someone close to you was a successful writer and encouraged you to try too because they love you and maybe you're old and should get a hobby.

The other thing of note here is that Gemma attempts to seduce one of her caretakers to bribe him to let her out. That could be an act of desperation, but given the playful nature of her own notes to herself and that the staff has also noted her as being manipulative and a saboteur? Spy shit! Love that for her.

Regrettable that we never see her plying these wiles firsthand. But if you wanted to suppose about it, there's plausible options.

For one thing, Gemma's got quite a few of William Godwin's seditious flyers on her study's conspiracy board. Surely then she attended one of his rallies. That's follow-up on a lead. Unfortunately, William's activities are simply one piece of the disjointed tapestry of shit going on around Wellington Wells. Remember when I said Gemma didn't have the whole picture and was trying to fit in pieces that were not part of the Verloc puzzle? You have access to William before you get to Gemma's house so that's another clue for you that she's got some red herrings in her theory.

Gemma also spent a lot of time in the partitioned company of Harry Haworth.

The cut lines I found the other day indicate that Harry, though apparently still obsessed with his phrenology, was mostly sane and salient. Yeah, he's sixty-four, but why not? What else has she got goin' on?

I suppose that means that the first patient who needs you to clap or she'll die could be Gemma rather than Vanessa, although I think Arthur would have a line about it if she was.

One last thing that I think people miss about Gemma is that she must be some sort of handy. She has a workbench in her greenhouse.

And there's Mechanical Bits in her hidden go bag.

Because that is what this is. This is why she came back to her home.

This bug out kit includes:

Mechanical Bits (for crafting Disposable Safe Crackers, Electro-Lock Shockers, Music Boxes, Polarity Devices, or Shortspikes - any of which would be particularly useful to Gemma)

Scotch (for bribing Constables)

Intimidator (a skill book on self-defense that she probably should have read beforehand)

And in her suitcase: 15 Sovereigns, a Rubber Cat Suit, a Tickler, and an invitation to the Reform Club.

Sally will soliloquize that the Reform Club could have helped her:

I almost miss going to the Reform Club. I bet some of them could help. And they never ask awkward questions. But I'd have to be Naughty Nurse again, and I'm just not that.

Well, apparently Gemma didn't let a tiny thing like giving a little slap and tickle stand in the way of her freedom (although that she has a Tickler suggests she's not into the punishment aspect). Whatever it is that they do at the Reform Club, Gemma apparently knew about it and intended to use it as her escape plan in case she got in too deep. Unfortunately she was intercepted before she could get to it.

As to what happened to her beyond that? We have the Doctors in Wellington Health's statement that she was "kept for observation" and this particularly grim scene in the Intake Evaluation room:

Although I have to think whatever Intimidator tactics you are applying are not as intimidating if you have to look them up mid-interrogation.

If you're an optimist though, I've got this for you:

The administration offices of Wellington Health's school have been converted into patient cells since they apparently can't find anyone to teach anymore. But the last one, Admissions, is empty. I mean, she escaped from Haworth Labs too. Possible that a handy Gemma scoured this room for materials and fashioned an escape from this room too.

She does write in cursive usually, but she has been known to do an all caps for emphasis. "BUT DO THEY EVER RETURN???" indeed.

[ponekebigbreakfast]

Location: Urban Eatery, Tawa

Meal name: The Big Urban

Price: $24.00

Bacon: Three rashers. Cooked to a nice crisp without being overly crunchy. Nice fat to meat ratio. No complaints here.

Sausage: A cheese kransky. Delicious, juicy, noticeably cheesy without even seeing the cheese. Not my usual breakfast pick but enjoyable nonetheless.

Hash Browns: Two round rostis. Nicely seasoned and cooked to a nice crisp. I usually prefer a coarser potato but couldn't really fault these.

Eggs: Two, requested poached. Not quite as runny as I'd prefer but by no means were they overcooked. Well formed.

Mushrooms: Reasonable serving, grilled. Not particularly flavourful as mushrooms nor seasoned. Still would rather have them than be served a breakfast without them.

Tomato: Half a tomato, grilled. It is never the star of the plate but this one was still quite delightful. Partly red, partly green, it was juicy and well seasoned. Very enjoyable.

Toast: Two thick (almost an inch!) pieces of an in-house baked loaf, lightly buttered then grilled. Deliciously crisp outside, soft pillowy inside. Would have been wonderful to dip in egg yolk or to wipe the plate with were the yolks runnier.

Coffee (additional cost): Regular flat white. Simple and tidy latte art, served at a nice readily drinkable temperature. Good strong coffee flavour typical of Supreme coffee roasts.

Cafe vibes: Clean and tidy, definitely fits the name of an urban eatery. To my disappointment it is *not* named after Wellington's favourite son Karl Urban. Busy this Sunday morning. Contemporary top 40 radio. Friendly staff.

Score: 85

[akallabeth-joie]

The Blue Castle, Chapter 29

Not much to say about this chapter, which mostly outlines the daily routine, and couldn't be further from the Elm Street House regime. There's a little work (all with an immediate purpose of keeping the small house clean or feeding them), and a lot of unstructured free time for leisure.

Small house = very little housework. And, as Valancy herself explains to Barney, having a small house suits her needs.

He missed her! In a platonic, friend-like way, I'm sure.

Going back to last chapter's remark about Valancy finally gaining some weight. I'm not really sure just how to parse all that (old beauty standards Valancy doesn't meet, current beauty standards that recoil at the word fat, her family's love of harassing her), but when she was getting teased earlier, all I could think was that she access to food has been tightly controlled her whole life--in terms of quantity, meal times, and menu--and that the threat of withholding food ("being sent to bed supperless") was used to control her behavior. It's almost like she's dealing with an eating disorder, except that it's being imposed by outside forces. Then Valancy gets to cook for herself for the first time in her life, and her mealtime no longer come with strict rules about start times and marmalade servings and crusts, so it sounds like she's finally getting to enjoy food, and that's good.

Scoreboard: Only a slight mention of Stirlings, but it's about Mrs. Stirling and Cousin Stickles micromanaging Valancy's meals, so they each get a -1.

Mrs. Stirling: -45

Cousin Stickles: -15

Uncle Benjamin: -12

Aunt Wellington: -11

Uncle James: -11

Olive: -7

Uncle Wellington: -4

Byron Stirling: -2

Aunt Isabel: -2

Cousin Gladys: -2

Cousin Betty: -1

Aunt Mildred: -1

Second Cousin Sarah Taylor: -1

Aunt Alberta: 0

Uncle Herbert: 0

Second Cousin Jane: 0

Cousin Georgiana: 6

[grandmaster-anne]

Gyles Brandreth's Exclusive Extract Last Part

The Mail Plus | Published 27 November 2022

Just one example of the Queen’s pithily dry sense of humour, as revealed in GYLES BRANDRETH’s sparkling new biography. Here, in a final extract, he describes why — from pitch-perfect George Formby impressions to laughing at President Trump — she was ‘the best company in the world’

AT a polo match at Windsor, the actor Ian Ogilvy was in the refreshment tent when the Queen wandered in – ‘tweeds, headscarf, muddy wellington boots’.

When he was presented to her, to make conversation, the actor suddenly remembered the name of one of the horses she used to ride on ceremonial occasions.

‘I was wondering, ma’am – whatever happened to Burmese?’

‘Oh, my goodness,’ said the Queen, her face lighting up.  ‘Well, it’s funny you should ask, because I’ve just been to see her. She’s very old, of course, but she lives here at Windsor, in her own field just half a mile away.  

‘So I went into her field, you see, and she came trotting over, as always, because we know each other terribly well, of course – great old friends, in fact and I always take her a carrot or an apple or something – and I was just giving it to her, you see, when I heard this awful snorting and thumping noise and I looked up and there was this huge stallion charging at me! At full gallop!  

‘I had no idea what he was doing in Burmese’s field, but here he was, pounding towards me, and his eyes were all red and his ears were laid back and his enormous teeth were bared – just like this!’  

And here Ian Ogilvy claims to be one of the few of the late Queen’s subject to have seen Her Majesty ‘performing her homicidal horse routine’.  

‘And I knew without a shadow of doubt,’ the Queen continued, ‘that he was going to kill me so I ran, quite literally ran, as fast as I could to the gate and got out just seconds before he attacked me and – well, the fact is – you very nearly lost your sovereign’.

The fun of spending time with the Queen was finding out how much fun she was and discovering unexpected things about her. She really could sing ‘when I’m cleaning winders’ and the other songs George Formby sang to his banjolele when she was growing up during the war – and with Formby’s authentic Lancashire accent, too. (She was the Duke of Lancaster, after all.)   

Her fondness for practical jokes is well known, as when she wore a false ginger beard to greet Prince Philip on his return from a world tour – during which he’d been photographed sporting a full set of whiskers.

Those close to the Queen also speak of the many spot-on impressions she did (including an alarmingly accurate vocal recreation of Concorde coming in to land over Windsor Castle).

But it was her wry, dry, humorous way of looking at things that particularly struck me, and her appreciation of jokes.

Back when I was a Conservative MP, I know she was amused by the hand-written message sent to her daily from the Vice-Chamberlain – a member of the government whips’ office – whenever parliament was sitting.  

This ‘message’, as it’s known, was designed to give the Queen a flavour of the mood of the House of Commons – who was doing well, who wasn’t and how the wind was blowing. And in my day, the Vice-Chamberlain would also send Her Majesty some of my jokes.

It certainly amused her, for instance, when I told her that political correctness required that the Tory MP Sydney Chapman should properly be known these days as Sydney Personperson.

I once made the Queen laugh by telling her a story she claimed she had never heard before – but that both Tony Snowdon and the Lady Olivier (actress Joan Plowright) assured me is true.  

In the story, the Snowdons visit the Oliviers at their house in Brighton, and Lady Olivier and Princess Margaret are comparing notes on the progress of their baby boys. David Linley was born on November 3, 1961; Richard Olivier was born a month later, on December 3, 1961.  

Lady Olivier boasts that Richard has spoken his first word and she says she is ‘so pleased – and so is her husband – because Richard’s first word was “Dada”.’

Princess Margaret responds with the news that by happy coincidence, her little David had just spoken his first word.  

‘And what was it?’ asks Lady Olivier.

‘It was “chandelier”,’ says Princess Margaret proudly.

The Queen thought that very funny and reckoned it was possibly true, given the chandeliers that hang from the ceilings at Kensington Palace.  The nanny could have pointed it out to baby David in his cot, she said, and kept repeating, ‘chandelier!’

Thanks to my friendship with Prince Philip, I was often given privileged access to the Queen, to walk and talk with her as she went about her official duties. I also chatted with her at assorted private events and parties.

Her voice was softer, less artificial and less strangulated in conversation, than the voice we heard when she was opening Parliament or giving her Christmas Day broadcast.  

My conversations and small talk with her would all be recorded, on the day, in the diary I have been keeping since 1959. Over the years, I also talked to some of her friends and many of the people who worked with her. They, too, spoke fondly of her well-developed sense of humour.

Major-General Sir Sebastian Roberts, formerly Commanding Officer of the 1st Battalion of the Irish Guards and Major-General commanding the Household Division, told me his happiest memory of Her Majesty.  

Rehearsing for Trooping the Colour, the Queen’s Birthday Parade, and riding a new horse, a powerful charger of nineteen-and-a-half hands, he said the animal ran away with him, careering down the Mall at 40 miles per hour.  

Eventually, with a cry of ‘pull the effing reins ’til the bridle comes out of his arse’ from a sergeant-major ringing in his ears, the Major-General managed to bring the horse under control.  

Later in the day, Roberts recounted the tale to the Queen. ‘She laughed and laughed and laughed.   I’ve never seen her laugh so much,’ he said.

And while we’re on horsey stories, cast your mind back to the wedding in 1973 of Princess Anne to Mark Phillips, a key member of the British three-day-eventing team that had triumphed in the Olympics the previous year.

‘I shouldn’t wonder if their children are four-legged,’ the Queen is supposed to have remarked.

Like other members of her family, the Queen also enjoyed comic glitches when nothing quite went to plan.

The King’s goddaughter India Hicks recalled one of these as we sheltered under an umbrella on September 14 this year, watching the royal hearse bring the Queen’s body back to Buckingham Palace for the last time.

We were talking about how the Queen was on constant show – even in death – when she told me a hilarious story about the time her mother, Pamela Mountbatten, had been accompanying the Queen on her post-Coronation Commonwealth tour.  

They were in Tonga, in the South Pacific, and it was late at night. Pamela bumped into the Queen when they were both stumbling around the Governor’s house, or whatever it was, looking for the bathroom.  

When they found it, they turned on the light – only to discover that on the other side of the bathroom a second door was wide open and looking out on to the garden, where 400 men were sitting by their campfires staring at them.  

The following morning was a Sunday, and the royal party had been hoping for a lie-in. Instead, the Queen and Prince Philip were woken at dawn by four men at their bedroom door blowing nose flutes in their honour.

Given the weirdness of her life (imprisoned by her fate: destined to be monarch from the age of ten), the Queen seemed to me to be quite remarkably well-balanced, rounded, grounded and at ease with herself, the world and her place in it.

From the moment of her coronation onwards, for more than 70 years, Elizabeth II was the object of adulation. People bowed and curtseyed before her on a daily basis.  When she went on international tours, hundreds and thousands – on occasion, millions – turned out to cheer.  

‘It didn’t affect her at all,’ the Duke of Edinburgh said to me. ‘She never for a moment thought the cheering was for her personally.  It’s for the position she holds – it’s for the role she fulfils, it’s because she’s Queen.   

‘That’s all.  She knows that.  Her head hasn’t been turned by being Queen – not at all.  She’s quite normal.’

Throughout her reign, she took the possibility of being in the firing line in her stride. At Christmas 2021, when the Queen was 95, a masked and hooded intruder wielding a crossbow – a 20-year-old from Southampton, Jaswant Singh Chail – approached a police officer in the grounds of Windsor Castle and announced he had come ‘to kill the Queen’.  

He was arrested and charged under the 1842 Treason Act. When the Queen was told about the incident, she said to one of her team in the Windsor Covid ‘bubble’: ‘Yes, well, that would have put a dampner on Christmas, wouldn’t it?’

This year, just a few days before the Queen died, I went to see her old friend Prue Penn at her home in Scotland. She showed me, because I asked, photographs of Her Majesty and her family at Lady Penn’s ninetieth birthday party.  

To illustrate the Queen’s humility, Prue told me about a dinner she and her husband had given for the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh and a few friends in their house in London.   

‘I had made a carefully thought-out table plan which I forgot to take with me into the dining room,’ she explained.

 ‘Consequently, I got into a serious muddle over the placing of our guests.  Seeing my confusion, Her Majesty took over and in no time at all had made a very good job of it, sat down and said, “Lucky you weren’t giving an important dinner party”.’

Cracking up: The Queen and Prince Philip watching a presentation by recruits of Welsh Brigade in 1963

The Queen added, grinning, ‘We don’t mind who sits where – but I know a few ambassadors who might.’   

Prue said to me quickly: ‘You mustn’t put that last bit in your book,’ but I want to risk it because it illustrates the Queen’s impish sense of humour.  

As does another of Lady Penn’s stories…

‘On one occasion when the Queen was staying with us in Suffolk,’ she said, ‘we went for a walk along the banks of the river Alde. Below the 12th Century St. Botolph Iken Church, we met a woman walking her dog which happened to be a corgi.  

‘Her Majesty was a magnet to dogs, and it made straight for her. She bent down to stroke and talk to it. Seeing the affinity between them, the woman asked if she happened to be a corgi fan, too.

'She said that she was, whereupon the owner said, “Well, you and I are in good company because the Queen has them too”.  

'‘‘’Wasn’t that killing?” the Queen said as we walked away.'

Richard Griffin, a former Royal Protection Officer, tells a lovely story in a similar vein of a time when he was out walking with the Queen near Balmoral.

 ‘Whenever we met people on these walks, the Queen would always stop and say hello.  One day we met a couple of American tourists and it was clear from the moment we first stopped they hadn’t recognised her.  

‘After they had been chatting a while, the American said to Her Majesty, “And where do you live?”  

‘She said, “Well, I live in London, but I’ve got a holiday home just the other side of the hills”.’   

‘The tourist then asked the Queen how long she had been visiting the area, and she replied: ‘For over 80 years, since I was a little girl.’   

‘Well,’ said the American, ‘if you’ve been coming up here for 80 years, you must have met the Queen?’   

According to Griffin, ‘As quick as a flash, she said, “Well, I haven’t, but Dickie here meets her regularly”.   

‘So the American guy said to me, “You’ve met the Queen? What’s she like?”   

‘Because I was with her a long time and I knew I could pull her leg, I said, “She can be very cantankerous at times, but she’s got a lovely sense of humour.”’   

‘The American tourist proceeded to put his arm around the protection officer and gave his camera to the Queen, asking if she’d take a picture of them both.’

Labour PM James Callaghan maintained all his conversations with her were enjoyable.  ‘One of the great things about her,’ he said, ‘is that she always seems able to see the funny side of life.’  

On her Silver Jubilee in 1977, James Callaghan’s Cabinet presented the Queen with a silver coffee pot.

‘Oh!’ the Queen said to Callaghan, apparently delighted, ‘I’m so glad you haven’t repeated Mr Disraeli’s gift to Queen Victoria. He gave her a painting of himself.’

The Queen liked to tease Edward Heath, even after he was no longer prime minister. In 1992, at a gathering of foreign heads of government, she told her former Conservative premier, ‘You’re expendable now.’  

Some commentators interpreted the remark as a deliberate put-down.  She was simply being playful.

 On another occasion, as he came aboard the Royal Yacht Britannia, the Sovereign greeted Heath, mimicking a conductor, with the words, ‘Are you still waving your stick about?’

Not every prime minister relished the traditional Balmoral weekend, which took place every September.   Margaret Thatcher told me it really wasn’t her ‘cup of tea’.  She said she ‘dreaded’ the charades that she was expected to play after dinner at Balmoral.    

Long afterwards, the Queen, at a gathering of six of her prime ministers – including Mrs Thatcher – joked about ‘the party games which some of you have so nobly endured at Balmoral’ – but she nonetheless maintained the tradition.

According to Boris Johnson, the last prime minister the Queen got to know, the weekend there was fun. ‘There was a lot of laughter,’ he said, ‘a lot of laughter.’

In 2018, the Queen had to put up with Donald Trump striding ahead of her when he visited Windsor and inspected the Guard of Honour. Far from being offended, she was amused.

And that night, when the Queen saw herself on television, bobbing about behind him, she laughed out loud.

‘She really loved a good joke,’ recalled Major-General Sir Sebastian Roberts, who was Commander of the Household Division In April 1989 when Russia’s President Mikhail Gorbachev was coming on a state visit.

The communist leader was due to inspect a Guard of Honour at Windsor, and before the event Roberts received a call from Her Majesty.

‘What coats will the Coldstreamers be wearing, Sebastian?’ asked the Queen.  

‘Summer coats, Your Majesty, it’s almost mid-April,’ said Roberts.  

‘Could they wear their winter coats, Sebastian?’  

The Major-General told me: ‘So we scrambled to get the men out of their summer kit into their winter coats.

‘Gorby duly arrived at Windsor and was invited to inspect the Guard of Honour with the Duke of Edinburgh. Inspection done, Gorby said to the Queen – as every visitor always did after any Guard of Honour – “very impressive, marvellous uniforms”.

‘To which the Queen replied, with a twinkle in her eye, “Thank you, Mr President. They’re the Coldstream Guards. They got their bearskins from Napoleon at Waterloo and their greatcoats from you in the Crimea.”’

Once, I told the Queen I’d been to Dubai as a guest of the ruler, Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, and that he had shown me around his famous Godolphin stables.

 ‘I envy you,’ she said. She knew the Sheikh well because of their shared love of racing.  

‘I went on my birthday,’ I said.  

‘Did he give you a present?’ she asked.  

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘but it wasn’t the white Rolls-Royce he had lent me for the week’.

‘What was it?’ she asked.   

‘It was something he said my wife would treasure.’  

The Queen looked at me wide-eyed: ‘Pearls?  Diamonds?’   

‘No,’ I said, ‘it was a small book of love poetry – poems written by the Sheikh himself and then translated into truly awful English by the retired British brigadier who worked as his ADC.’  

She laughed at that and told me she had received some ‘quite strange’ presents in her time, including all sorts of animals, from antelopes to zebra, and what she described as an ‘Aladdin’s cave’ of gems when she visited the Gulf states in 1979.  

‘Millions of pounds worth of jewellery and gold and silver,’ she said.  ‘I’m not sure what happened to it.  It’s probably locked up in a basement at the Foreign Office.’

Ask the Duke of Kent – now undeniably old and a bit unsteady on his feet – for his happiest, most vivid recollection of the Queen and he doesn’t hesitate.

‘She was just the best company,’ he said, smiling.  ‘So easy, so relaxed, so much fun.  When you were alone with her, when she was just being herself, she was simply the best company in the world.’

The Queen told me she had a soft spot for Rupert Bear. She remembered reading the Rupert annuals when she was a girl, and said Prince Charles loved Rupert, too.  

I told her that Rupert aficionados claim that Rupert isn’t a bear at all: he is a boy with a bear’s head.   

‘That can’t be right,’ she said, ‘Surely not.’  

‘Well,’ I said, ‘if you look at the pictures, you’ll see he’s got fingers on his hands and very human-looking feet.’  

‘I’m sorry you told me that,’ she said.  ‘Some things are best left unknown, don’t you think?’

Read Extract 1 Extract 2

[eliteresidentialandcommercial]

House cleaning services Wellington FL pay attention to the little things that can make a big difference in the cleanliness and appearance of your home. They'll make sure that every nook and cranny is spotless, and that every surface is sparkling clean.

[super-ion]

Ion & Emily

Honeymoon - part 3

(I can't find the link to part 2, so here's the AO3 link)

With a last furtive glance down the street, I knock on the door. It's a plain little townhouse on a plain little street, very easy to miss.

Actually, it actively tries to be very easy to miss. The only reason my attention doesn't slip right off is because I've been invited here before.

It sounds like magic, and honestly… I'm pretty sure it is… I mean there is super tech that can do that too, like variable perception fields or whatever. I honestly don't know how all that works. I could ask Sarah to explain it, but she's currently suffering a concussion.

Speaking of…

"No…" she hisses into my ear with a slur. "He's going to violate causality at us!"

I suppose I should clarify that she could explain variable perception fields. Magic straight up freaks her out. She's got like three PhDs, advanced physics and stuff. Nothing about Dr. Hands' powers make sense to her.

Before I need to knock again, the door opens and there's Hands, wearing nothing but a fluffy pink bathrobe and a pair of slippers. He's just like this portly guy, gray and balding. He could totally be someone's weird uncle or something.

The fact is he's almost literally older than dirt. Like, I'm pretty sure he was like a mischief deity in Mesopotamia or something. These days, he's a low stakes supervillain and the DM for our ttrpg group.

"Ah!" he says with delight. "Jennifer! I was hoping you and your…"

He pauses and takes in Sarah and me.

"This is not your beautiful wife," he declares.

"Hi Hands!" Sarah says with a weak wave. "I'm rescuing Jen!"

Dr Hands raises a bemused eyebrow.

"It's a long story," I interject. "Can we come in? We need a place to crash and she needs medical attention."

"Ah, well," he says with a welcoming grin. "I'll have you remember that I am a doctor."

"I thought you taught anthropology."

"Hm? Oh, yes. Well… I did serve as a field medic under Wellington during the Peninsular campaign. I do remember a thing or two about it."

Yeah, the great thing about villains is sometimes they just casually drop the fact that they served in the Napoleonic wars and you just gotta roll with it.

He gestures us in and lends a hand getting Sarah settled on a sofa in the sitting room.

Like, literally lends his hands. That's what he does, he conjures disembodied hands. It's one of the creepiest things I've ever seen, and that's saying something for my line of work.

"Will your bride be joining us?" he asks as he gets Sarah settled.

"Uh, yeah," I reply. "She's just cleaning up some… stuff. Listen, can I borrow your shower? I'm kind of gritty from being kidnapped."

He nods enthusiastically, and motions down a very long hallway. Did I mention that the interior of the house is impossibly spacious?

"Seventh door on the right," he says. "I'll keep the light on for her, don't worry."

"Thanks Hands! You're the best!"

He offers a genial bow and I make my way in the direction of the indicated room.

The adrenaline is wearing off and I'm exhausted. I'm worried sick about Emily, but I have no idea how long I'll be able to keep my eyes open. I tentatively reach out with my powers and am rewarded with a spike of pain in my head. That lightning bolt really did a number on me…

Yeah, I'm no good to anybody like this.

Emily can handle this.

She's fine. Totally fine. She used to do this all the time.

I'm worried sick.

I open the designated door and… holy shit.

It's like a whole honeymoon suite, giant bed, satin sheets, so many candles everywhere. Huge glass doors overlook majestic mountains and a lake that glitters in the moonlight.

Yeah, I know, the front door was in Paris and this room is in… the Alps? The Pyrenees?

Magic, remember?

Anyway, the shower is amazing. It's one of those lavishly big walk in things. Absolutely perfect temperature and pressure.

Of course, when I get out, there's a satin night dress and robe waiting for me.

Okay, that sounds creepy. I swear Dr Hands doesn't have a creepy bone in his body… or… well, not like that, at least. He's good people, trust me.

It fits perfectly, accenting my assets and downplaying the dysphoric bits. It's perfect and I finally let my guard down. Ion goes away and Jen takes over.

Jen is worried for her wife - desperately, achingly.

I pace the bedroom a few times, get tired, sit down and fidget for a few moments. Maybe I should just put my head down, rest my eyes for a little bit…

***

"Hey," someone murmurs softly in my ear.

I blink awake and there's the most beautiful woman in the world. Her hair is mussed and sweaty and the costume has a few scorch marks, but otherwise, she's perfectly unharmed.

I throw my arms around her and pull her into a desperate exhausted kiss. She relaxes into me in relief.

I try to drag her closer, but she grunts in protest.

"Babe," she gasps as she breaks the kiss. "I want nothing more than to fall asleep in your arms right now, but I very badly need to change my clothes."

I reluctantly let her go and she draws back, but her eyes linger on the gown.

"That's really fucking hot on you," she says.

There's a flutter in my chest and my face heats.

This woman is my wife. I'm somebody's wife.

God, I love her.

"How about you?" I ask. "You look fantastic."

She cocks a whistful grin and turns to show off her ass.

"Don't get used to it," she says. "Special occasions only… and don't you dare make a habit of getting kidnapped."

I smirk at that.

"Okay," she says reluctantly. "I gotta hand it to Sarah, she did a good job… don't tell her I said that, I'd never hear the end of it."

"Ah…" I say. "Yeah, about Sarah…"

A flicker of concern flashes across her face.

"Is she…?"

"She's fine… probably. She's in good hands."

I pause for a moment. She closes her eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh at the pun.

"Soooo… she uh… tried to kiss me," I admit.

Emily raises her eyebrows at that.

"She also told me breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of her life," I continue. "Or maybe breaking up with John and Dale was the biggest. She wasn't really super clear on how it stacked up."

Yeah, I'm rambling a little bit.

Emily sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"I wasn't going to tell you," she said, "but she drunk texted me two weeks ago."

She takes me by the shoulders and fixes me with a desperate look.

"Jen. We need to get them back together."

I nod.

No idea how that's going to work given that they're archenemies… and Dale… I'm not super clear on how he fits into their super dynamic.

One thought has been nagging me though since the almost kiss. I chew on my lip and debate saying it.

"Okay, but consider… if we wanted to, you know Sarah would be totally down to… you know…"

"Excuse me?" she deadpans.

I raise my hands disarmingly and make a tiny laugh.

"Kidding! I'm kidding!" I say. "Mostly kidding…"

"Oh my god, you're a menace," she says and drags me into another kiss. "Listen, if you want to scratch that itch, go right ahead. I'm cool with it, but count me out. I do not want to have a threesome with my ex. Who, by the way, if you recall, is your brother's ex and also my brother's ex."

"Okay, fair point," I reply. "So how do we get them back tog-"

"No," she says, placing a finger to my lips. "That's a tomorrow problem. Right now, I am taking a shower and you are going to join me. Then we're going to bed."

A grin spreads across my face and I'm suddenly a lot less tired.

[writingwife-83]

Ok listen, @therealbucky05 you should know by now that this is what happens when you feed me inspiration lol. I couldn’t stop thinking about this idea after you showed me the Stuart Martin Majestic Hair post, and so I had to write a thing. I hope you’re pleased with yourself, woman! 😆 cuz tbh I’m pretty pleased with this

Tousled (also on AO3)

“I told you it looked like rain!” William grouced. “But did you listen?! No! You had to pursue!”

“The suspect was right there!” Eliza bit back, though she took care to lower her voice as they came through the back door into her kitchen. “I didn’t want to miss him!”

William huffed, shrugging off his jacket and shaking as much of the rain off as he could. “We missed him anyway and then had no way to get back except on foot, through the rain!”

Eliza swiped his jacket away. “Would you stop shaking out your jacket!” she hissed. “Ivy will have our heads if she knows we’ve come through here, drenched and muddy. Wait here, you need to get cleaned up.”

She crept through the darkened house and quietly fetched some flannels before returning to the kitchen and tossing one at him.

“Dry off so you’re not dripping everywhere, then you can wait out the rain.”

William took the cloth, removing his waistcoat as well and then drying his sopping shirt and head the best he could. No doubt what he truly needed was a hot bath and a dry set of clothes, but that would have to wait until he got home. He did his best, continuing to rub at his hair, one hand braced against the mantle of the fireplace, which was unfortunately devoid of a warm blaze since Ivy had gone to bed.

As Eliza undid the first couple buttons on her collar and dried her own neck and head a bit, she glanced back over at William and a little snort escaped her, catching his attention.

“What?”

“Oh nothing, it’s just… your hair.” She bit back a laugh. “I don’t often see it like that.”

“Like what, exactly?”

“Tousled.” Eliza laughed quietly. “Usually not a hair out of place for the Very Important Inspector Wellington!”

William’s lips twisted in a smile, giving in to laughing along with her as he crossed the room. “Forgive me for being so informal! Though, perhaps you’d do well to examine the state of your own hair before insulting mine.”

“You mistake me, Inspector. That was hardly an insult… I happen to like your hair this way. It suits you!” Eliza reached up, rather forgetting herself and giving his dark locks a gentle little ruffle, enjoying the feel of it between her fingers.

It was not until she looked back into his eyes, which had darkened considerably, that she very much remembered herself.

Eliza lowered her hand, now intensely aware of how close he was and how desperately he was in need of a dry shirt. This one was very much not dry. And as chilled as she had felt only moments before, her cheeks began to feel distinctly hot.

Licking her suddenly parched lips, Eliza gave him a quick smile. “As you said, we are both in quite a state.”

“I don’t know. I think I have to agree with you,” William replied softly, his voice shifting to a lower timbr, which she had to admit she always enjoyed. He reached up, gently threading some of the golden tendrils which hung loose along her face through his fingers. “Tousled suits you as well.”

“Does it?” Embarrassingly, the words were little more than a breathy pant.

He merely nodded, his gaze washing over her face as he moved ever so slightly closer.

“William?”

“Mm?”

“The rain has stopped.”

William froze, inches away, a quiet moment of decision hanging between the both of them.

And then he took a step back.

He cleared his throat and gave her a quick smile, running his own fingers through his hair and tamping it down just a bit, almost as if to signify the end of the brief but untamed moment between them.

“Suppose I should take the opportunity to make my way home, then.”

Eliza tucked some of the unruly strands behind her ears. “Yes, I think so. Heaven forbid if-“

“Ivy woke up,” they said in unison, then laughed quietly.

For just a moment, Eliza hated herself as she watched him pick up his jacket and waistcoat and make his way to the door. He’d been right there, so close she could quite literally almost taste him, and yet here she was once again, keeping him at arm's length. Pushing him away.

He effectively smothered that flicker of regret with his next words though.

“Now, don’t you go after him again without me,” William strictly instructed, standing in the open door. “Understand?”

Eliza gave him a withering look. “Only if you promise not to slow me down.”

“I absolutely did not-“ He clenched his jaw, visibly refusing to take the bait and begin yet another verbal sparring match. Instead, he simply gave her a look. That look which was so completely his. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Eliza.”

“Tomorrow.”

Perhaps that’s what kept her so comfortable with pushing him away, time and again. They both knew there would always be tomorrow.

[aonoexpat]

Long time no blog

01-04-2023

I've been putting off writing another post for a long time now, I just hadn't found the time to take a moment and sit down for this. Things have been quite hectic, and it feels like months have passed since I wrote anything! I'm in this strange mixed state of thriving in some areas and just surviving in others. But finally the chaos seems to be settling down a bit. I'll give y'all an overview of what's been happening:

Work 💼

Out of those three jobs I mentioned I found, two of them could only offer me a casual contract, and the other one ended up hiring somebody else last minute. Bit disappointing, and quite stressful, because living expenses can be pretty high and I wouldn't feel very comfortable traveling around without saving some money first. I did consider trying my luck in different cities, but my flatmate got me in touch with another bar in the city, and yesterday I finally signed a part-time contract with them! I'll be starting next Tuesday. Combining that with the two casual jobs and busking (and perhaps other bars getting back to me) I'm hoping to finally start breaking even, or even better, be able to start saving 🤞 Oh and old bar news: that manager got fired! He'd been spreading more lies and gossip about me to my other colleagues, but we got to have a good laugh about it 😂 I'm so glad I was able to leave on good terms with them, because they were truly a lovely bunch of people!

Living Situation 🏡

Though living with my wonderful friends and third flatmate has been a blessing, I feel like I could save some money and effort by moving closer to the city. It currently takes me about 40 minutes by bus to get to the centre, or more than that to get to the markets I busk at. Those buses also stop running around 23:00, and frequently get cancelled due to staff shortage, so getting home after a hospitality shift or a night out can be a challenge. Besides that, getting my own place would help me feel a bit more independent. So I used the website roomies to search for a new flat, but that wasn't too successful. Apparently a lot is arranged through Facebook over here, and I don't have an account there. Luckily my dear mother allowed me to use hers, and I joined five flatmate searching pages. It was a bit of a culture shock to look for a room here. You don't look for three weeks from now, no, because all ads are from people looking for a new flatmate for three days from now. Europe's housing crises haven't reached this side of the world, so I could say goodbye to kijkavonden (Dutch room-searching ritual where several people are invited to the same flat at the same time and have to vy for the attention and good graces from the other tenants) and have a much more chill time with the whole process. Mind you, I was still quite picky myself, so I ended up messaging a total of 29 people, and going to 8 viewings. I sent out my first message on the 21st of March, and yesterday I started the process of becoming the new tenant of my new room! The room I got was my first choice, and though it's the cheapest room I've seen out there, it's clean, it's spacious, it's not at the top of one of Wellington's many hills (see how integrated I am, I've stopped calling them mountains!), it's a good distance from everything, it's not on a busy street and best of all: it doesn't have a mould problem like so many houses out here. Apparently that's a huge issue, as I've definitely witnessed in other houses, due to most buildings being made out of wood to make them more earthquake-resistant, humid weather and cold Antarctic (Southerly) winds. I'll be moving next week, and I'm very excited about it 😁

Music 🎶

The biggest reason why I decided to struggle through my lack of work and stay in Wellington was its never-ending music and art scene. I feel like I'm meeting incredible people left and right every day 💜 Here's a quick summary, please go check out their linked pages!

I've been getting together with another busker to jam and harmonise, which we're hoping to debut in public some time soon! He's one of the most humble but extremely talented people I've ever met, and I feel like we're quickly becoming good friends :)

I've been invited to sing in a band and apply my harmonising skills with them as well, which has been great fun. Joined in at one of their band practices, got to chill with their cat, and learned to sing their original songs! The leading lady said she'd love to write music for me and make me famous 🤩 Would be really cool to play a gig with them!

I met another musician on the bus who invited me to an open mic night, where I was blown away by the level of talent! One of the artists that played there invited me to a gig of theirs a couple weeks from now, and I'm going to try my very best to go. I exchanged a lot of compliments with the other singers, all in all felt like a great night!

I got to busk at "Wellington's most creative and diverse free arts festival", Cubadupa. It went wonderfully, I wore my favourite weird little outfit, got to sing songs from Frozen for the little kids that were wandering around, did some contact juggling, and got gifted a gorgeous pair of handmade earrings by Ear Vibes ❤️

I got approached by a very kind woman who ushered me into Newtown Acoustic Sound, a judgement-free, open-minded and welcoming little open mic night that has been running for 7.5 years now. I was lucky to be there and listen to the country sounds of Alan Downes, who was kind enough to invite me to his home in Napier should I pass through!

In general, every time I go busking I feel like I'm doing what I was meant to do. I made a little sign that says "Give me a smile! ... or change :)" and it's the best thing. Watching people read it, look up at me, and flash me a smile makes my day every single time. Kids are the absolute best, there was a young boy the other day who made his parents wait around for me to finish setting up the amp and start playing, and stayed to listen for four songs. Another time a tiny thing of a girl came galloping up to me with a 5$ note in her hand and just held it out to me, so I had to stop playing to accept it, and thanked her a bunch. Sometimes people donate something else, like an avocado or a pear that they just bought from one of the fruit and veggie stalls at the markets. The interactions with the people around me are very special to me, from one of the stall holders joining me for a couple songs to people telling me they thought it was the radio playing. From getting recommendations for new songs to learn, to meeting an elderly Dutch gentleman who was overjoyed to find somebody he could speak his own language with. From getting offered rides and free bread, to a woman telling me that day was her birthday and my music was like a gift to her. It's incredibly fulfilling, and I made sure my market days stay free with my new job, because I don't want to ever stop!

I did manage to get a second busking-induced sunstroke (go me), so I got acquainted with one of these fellows, and it's pretty good stuff if you ever find yourself dehydrated!

Miscellaneous cool stuff

Another fun update: I SAW MY FIRST KIWI! I took a night tour at Zealandia and their wonderful guides led us through the park, showing off the Takahē, the glow worms, the Tuatara, and their pride and joy: the nocturnal Kiwi Pukupuku, or Little Spotted Kiwi. We were lucky to see one, because they can be quite shy! The young male that we saw was calmly browsing the undergrowth for insects to feed on. I wasn't able to shoot a photo or video of him unfortunately, but the image is etched in my memory as a cool little milestone of my Aotearoa adventure :)

I also had a great night out all the way in Upper Hutt, at the Audiology & UKF festival, Wellington edition! Besides being overjoyed to see my all-time favourite drum & bass DJ, Fox Stevenson, I was blown away by a local duo called Jaymac B2B Vujanix. All in all a great night, the organisers were very chill and the crowd was wonderful ❤️

Some more cool nature shots:

Also, I'm finally getting better at understanding the kiwi accent. The thing that messes me up the most is how they pronounce e-like sounds like i-like sounds. So the name 'Ella' is said more like 'Illa'. This caused a really confused look to take over my face when somebody told me the weather was so nice, she "couldn't wait to go home and sit on her deck." 🙃 However: the other day somebody said "I'm gonna get a beer," and my mind automatically parsed it as "I'm gonna get a bear," which was a similarly disorienting experience. But it means my brain is overcompensating, and will likely soon arrive at that sweet middle ground where I won't have to go around asking people to repeat themselves anymore.

Last but not least, a couple days ago I had the honour of witnessing a Māori Karakia and Haka in real life. We've all seen the videos, surely, but being there in the flesh was a whole different experience. Goosebumps galore, and a whole bunch of reverence for their passion and their voices. I hope to learn a lot more about Māori culture and the process of decolonisation on these islands. I've gotten the feeling that descendants of white European colonisers like to paint a more positive picture of their cohabitation with the Māori culture than it realistically is, which is quite depressing. Once I've found my footing a bit more I hope to be able to dive into this a lot more deeply. If anybody has sources or references for me, I'm all ears!

[classiccleaners]

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