#how i couldnt take it back? how i avoided thinking about it in order to not take responsibility for my actions?

[mx-darling-1]

Hello could you please do a Wally x Reader

But the reader has the opposite color pallet as him, like they are wearing dark colors suck black and grey. And how would he react to them. Please and thank you

Sure! That sounds like it could be really interesting!

Okay, this got a little more sad then I was expecting! Tw: Minor anxiety attack

Wally Darling x Dark Palleted GN Reader

When you first moved into the neighborhood you couldnt help but notice the glances that your new neighbors gave you, and the embarressment that filled you from it. It wasn't your fault you enjoyed much darker colors then the others in the neighbor hood, but they seemed to avoid you because of it, assuming you were gloomy. Unlike Frank, you didnt even have colors in your clothes. You never minded, but you really did want to be friends with your new neighbors. You tried everything you could, you went to the store and tried to make small talk with howdy, but he seemed quiet and reserved, avoiding conversation with you. You tried to sign up for one of Sallys plays, and she told you that you wouldnt fit very well. You tried to go to the field and watch butterflys with Frank, but when you entered, he left. You asked Poppy if you could come bake with her, yet she declined. You even signed up to help at the post office, but never got a call back, your mail being left at your door without even a knock. The only person who seemed to talk to you was Wally. He would invite you over to paint and take you shopping for apples with him. But...it was still so lonely.

After all of that, you gave up at trying to befriend your neighbors, feeling extreamly disappointed, why would they avoid you because you wore darker clothes? You simply didn't know what to do, and went with the only solution you could think of. You ordered a new wardrobe. It was colorful and bright like all the other neighbors. Once you started wearing them, your neighbors were much friendlier, Howdy talked to you at the store, Eddie talked to you as he dropped off mail, Frank let you watch butterflys with him, Sally let you in her plays, and Poppy even invited you to plays with her! It was like a dream come true! But...you weren't happy.. You felt so uncomfortable in your skin as you looked in the mirror not recognizing what you see. You may have been dressed brighter, but you acted much sadder. No one else seemed to notice these emotions welling beneath the surface. Well...almost no one. After about a week of you in these bright clothes, Wally came knocking on your door.

You opened your door, a smile on your face as you realized it was your close friend awaiting you. "Wally! Hey!... whats... um... whats up?" Your face began to drop as you noticed Wallys smile seemed...grevinced? "[Name], neighbor, we need to talk. Can I come inside?" You nod a bit nervously as you step out of the way of the door, letting Wally step inside before closing it behind him. You watch him walk to your dining room, taking a seat and waiting for you to sit across from him. His elbows are on the table, hands folded together as if hes about to break you some terrible news. You felt dread build up in your stomach as you walked across the room and sat across from Wally at the table. Perhaps you were being kicked out of the neighborhood? You tried to fit in, you truly did. Your heart began to race in your chest and you couldnt raise your gaze to meet Wallys intense stare. Your head was racing and everything wad becoming fuzzy until his voice broke through the silence.

"Neighbor, why are you wearing those clothes? You obviously don't enjoy them, and they simply arent you. I much more enjoyed seeing you in your...oh whats the word...monotone clothing? You always seemed much more confident with them on. Neighbor...I loved seeing you in the clothes you loved so much. You stood out from everyone I've ever seen, and not just from your clothes. You personality shined brighter then even Sally, your laugh was fuller then Barnabys, your smile was sweeter then Julie, you're even more compasionate then Frank. You're the apple of my eye [Name] and I hate seeing you change yourself for others. So please neighbor, go take off those silly clothes. Put on those ones you adore so much, and lets go do something you want to do." Wallys eyes were filled with so much adoration towards you, you felt tears roll down your velvety cheeks. You reach a soft hand up to feel those wet tears, you didn't even know you could cry. Before you knew it, Wally was by your side, laying limp against you as you wrapped your arms around him.

That was the day you truly began to get closer to Wally. He took you out around the neighbor hood and let you hang out with the neighbors while you were in full monotone clothing. After that, you were able to wear whatever you wanted. No one was going to go against what Wally wanted, and Wally made sure you could hold your head up high.

Short and sweet! Hopefully you liked it! Requests are gonna stay open and I'm gonna try to post two a day! Well, if I have that many anyway. Though, if I have more I'll try to bump that up to three!

[thekingofwinterblog]

There is one detail were I think I need a second opinion on:

So during the manga ending, there is that detail of supposedly Lord Death, with his "madness of order" being able to control everyone on earth - basically being able to solve all crime/evil things from happening.

The fact that he doesnt use this power is presented as a positive thing, basically an indirect way of answering the problem of evil with "actually God gives us free will and thats why evil happens, because denying us the free will would be more evil than anything else"

So ok, what is the sticking point to me? Well Lord Death was kinda hinted as being deeply flawed, and even his death at the end is framed as tragic but as the time necessary and a positive thing, a new generiation taking over creating a better wolrd, ect.

But isn't including such a huge revelation - a revelation that only makes sense with an All Good, kinda absolute God?

Basically, maybe I'm just looking for nitpicks, but to me these two things clash - like the story and Ohkubo couldnt decide between if Lord Death was holding the world back and needed to pass the torch or if he actually was the wacky all knowing force for good all along -

Like if instead it was revealed that Lord Death was pressured to make Kid be an automaton to avoid an Asura situation, but he refused because he didnt sucumb to the despair of failure and had hope in humanity and freedom, it could work as "wow Lord Death had past sins and couldnt steer the world into the future, but here is an action that proved that the flame of his vision was still good and know Kid will be his resurection, like that old NAS song"

Idk, maybe this is all just nonsense to normal people but to me its the best example of Soul Eaters (more the mangas) unwillingness to commit to the "Death is not all good thing" - like the whole WMD's parrelel and shit seems even more out of place and ironically as a way to say "well Bush made mistakes, but American imperialism is a good thing overall!"

(Ok i probably shouldnt have included "politics" here lol)

Anyway I think the anime in the end was better with its more simplistic worldview - cause atleat it didnt break itself - the shadyness of Death was worked into Kids isuess of trust and accepting that he isnt perfect and can place his trust in his partners and is more simmilar to his father in this way etc.

So yeah, if you are still reading and didnt delete it out of boredom, Im interested in a response, cause I'll admit I'm not sure about it 100 percent myself so if you go and say "Nah, thats wrong cause-" I'll probably open to listening

Eh, i'd say that you're looking at this from a wrong perspective.

Shinigami was a good, if very flawed individual, but the thing is that the reason why he could not lead the new age was not because be was flawed... It was because in chasing perfection, he made an error so great that he could never recover from it.

That error being the way he created his first son, not to create a successor, but instead as a byproduct of ripping his fear out of his own self in order to become a "better" God of order, a desciaion that had enormous consequences in that it laid the groundwork for the first Kishin, but also because it left him utterly incapable of feeling fear, and thus incapable of feeling bravery either, and drastically affecting his descision making.

As such, he was incapable of decisively defeating his son, and had to resort to sealing him away, something that also required him to stay in one place forever afterwards.

The school that he founded afterwards to replace his team of immensely powerfull warriors that Asura and Excalibur was a part of, came as a consequence of his own failures shattering that group, and with him no longer being able to move around, he couldn't even uphold his actual purpose in the world.

And thats withouth taking into account how much getting ridd of his own fear screwed him up as a person. Through the series, shinigami is utterly incapable of showing real, true fear, no matter how dire things get. All of his angry moments happens in the moment, as things are happening around him.

He was incapable of truly feeling any sense of urgency when Asura was about to escape, and only after he is free is he able to confront the very real consequences on an emotional level.

Similarily at the end of the series he isnt actually afraid of the witches betraying them despite thinking this is the likely outcome, but when he thinks they do, he flies off the handle to reveal just how much hate he truly has for them.

Hia philosophy debate with his son near the end of the anime is all about exploring how these two family members are unable to feel fear and by extention understand bravery.

Ultimately what Shinigami came to realise and finally accept, is that as a consequence of chasing utter perfection, he ironically made himself too fundamentally broken to lead the way, both as a person, and as a king/god who should be leading his organization by example, rather than being trapped in his city.

Fundamentally Shinigami was a good person... But by his own actions, while chasing perfection he crossed a line that he was never able to uncross. Very much like his son, he believed that if he was the strongest, withouth "flaws", he would be able to see his vision through. Only where Asura wanted to feel completely out of any possible danger, Shinigami wanted keep the word orderly and safe for the good people of the planet.

A good goal. But as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

[iris0gardens]

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋The Lengths I go for you𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ - Legion!Wrench x FEM!Reader

"Wrench..I think.." "You sure?" "I trust you."

TW/Tags: Forced marriage, Escape, Romance, guns, violence, RESCUEEEEE LES GOOO

description: Reader gets forced into a marriage with Mary Kelly's son in order to help her family. Wrench find her sitting on a dock near a river...something in him couldn't just let her be.

inspired by: my wonderful friend @angeltrafalgar and her lovely music :P

You`d never believe that you found the love of your life until you see them..Atleast thats what they all told Wrench. He couldnt believe that rumour to be true when he saw a young beautiful woman crying at the docks of london. Everything told him to run and contuine with his mission but as if someone hacked his brain, he slowly approached her.

Her H/C a mess as her black jacket slowly seemed to part away with her shoulders as her back was turned to the masked man. She was unaware of who was close to her until someone sat down next to her. Wrench watched the woman tense up as he sat down next to her, his hands together between his legs as he leaned forward a bit, glancing out towards the river. "Shitty day, aye?" he softly asked her as his mask displaced his usual Xs. No response came from the woman as her sobs became quieter. She looked down before angrily asking the man "Are you with them? Here to take me back to those fuckers so I could marry that witches son?...tell Lin I wont do it." her voice laced with venom as she tried to intimidate the masked man.

The blond man proceeded to lock his gaze with hers, processing the information before gave her a wholehearted laugh. "Do you really believe im with whoever is fucking with you? nope. Just a merc wanting to see what this beautiful lady is crying about."he explained as his leds changed to a happier expression. "Who is trying to get you anyway?".

The woman's shoulders relaxed a little when she got the confirmation that this man wasn't a part of the clan she so desperately wants to avoid. "...how can I trust you wont just run away and get them on me for the money?" she asked quietly as she lifted her head, her E/C softly shining in the moonlight as Wrench had to stop himself from getting engulfed in them. "Because whatever clan you got chasing you, are the ones I'm probably attempting to avoid and not get killed by." Wrench honestly replied as he looked back onto the open waters as he thought what clan this poor girl could be stuck in.

"Sounds like Clan Kelly...Im Y/N..you are?" "Wrench. My name is wrench." "odd name but i like it".

Once the introduction was over with, they proceeded to talk about why Y/N was stuck with them. Turns out, her family owes clan kelly and to get out of debt, they were going to sell her to the clan and make her marry Mary Kellys son. Something she obviously was against with from the beginning but had to go through if she wanted to see her family alive again. Wrench felt a stinging pain in his chest as he saw her tear up again at the explanation. He looked up as he saw the full moon and promised her to be here at this spot every time she needed someone to talk to.

The H/C woman felt relieved and hugged him as a big thanks before realising she should go now. "I will try to be here if the clan can provide it to me. I will make it a condition to them to have one full moon to myself to see you. Thank you, new friend" She spoke her goodbyes with a small smile on her face as she parted ways with Wrench.

Wrench shook his head with a small smile on his face as he stood up to leave as well. He didn't know what went through his body but he knew he wanted to see this mysterious stranger again.

The nights flew past as Wrench was looking forward to the next full moon which would be soon. A couple weeks went by when he last saw her and he was invested in her story. The dangers he was aware of, being close to someone being affiliated with clan kelly and he could careless as he knew that she wouldn't throw him under the bus unless she knew what he could do.

Wrench went through multiple outcomes as he stood at the same docks he met Y/N and was prepared to meet the fists of multiple clan kelly members before his thoughts were interrupted. "Wrench!" Someone softly called out as rapid footsteps were heard approaching him. "I really didn't expect you to be here" Y/N said as she stopped Infront of him, attempting to catch her breath as she leaned down to put her hands on her knees. "Told you Id be here, Y/N" Wrench responded as he decided to sit down.

The female nodded as she caught her breath, allowing herself to take a seat next to him. "I know. You never know however if someone changes their mind"she laughed out as she took in the scenary. "been a while.."

Wrench nodded as he proceeded to look ahead as well, taking in the soft waves of the river splashing as it seemed to be the only noise admitting from it. "yeah..a month or so. "he muttered as he looked back at Y/N, taking in her outfit and seeing a small silver ring on one of her hands. "Did you?"

"Get married to that prick son?..yeah. I had no choice but I'm glad they at least allowed me a day. They really didn't wait with the wedding and just rushed it before anyone could plan against it." her voice turned into anger the more she mentioned her marriage to the clan kelly son as she formed her hands into fists. The blonde male sighed as he put a hand on top of her fists as he spoke his condolences "Hey..im sure we can figure something out together. You are in the heart of it now and I'm a reckless idiot ready to explode stuff" The joke in the sentence didn't get unnoticed by Y/N as she let out a small chuckle, nodding in agreement as her hands eased up to his touch. "yeah...I trust us."

Their meetings on each full moon made their relationship grow closer as they soon planned her escape in eachothers arms. Neither Y/N or Wrench wanted to admit that they were crossing a boundary normal friends dont do but didnt seem to mind as the situation couldnt allow for more as of now. One night they got together a plan as Y/N would be attending a meeting at one of the towers at london bridge with clan kelly soon, the perfect oppertunity to escape and for Wrench to stick it to the clan for thinking they could just hurt such a wonderful person.

The full moon meeting before the event lead to them confessing that afterwards they want to still find themselves together, aiming for a future that is in each others attendance. Wrench felt nothing but motivation for the escape day and spent his time tinkering on perfect contraptions to help with it. His own version of the bombing drones and automated spiderbots that seeked out their targets. The blonde male wanted nothing else but for this plan to work, he wanted to hold her close and call a future of their own.

Wrench was standing close by as the day had arrived, he was standing one some scaffoldings that were on a construction side on the other tower of the bridge as he saw clan kelly cars approach. His heart was racing in his chest as he watched closely and counted the men coming out of the car. A count of 15 men in total, the last car approached and there was his wonderful Y/N, she wore a black dress with silver Jewellery. That sight knocked the air out of the masked man for a moment before he got back to reality as a man took her into his arms and held her hand as they approached the tower.

+Probably that prick of a virgin that she got married to.+ Wrench angrily thought as he started coming down from the scaffolding. He felt prepared for this but couldn't place his emotions properly. Was he nervous or excited for this heist? Either way he wanted to get her out of this horrible environment she was stuck in. Once down from the scaffoldings, he proceeded to walk towards the door of the other Tower of the bridge.

Deciding on that it would be a better idea to go through the entrance that isn't currently crowded with people, he hacked the inside control panel and allowing himself access to tower. Wrench quietly went up the stairs as he prepared mentally for the men surrounding the place.

The place admitted an eerie sound as distant voices were heard, getting closer with each step further up the tower. Soon he was met with a couple of men, standing guard around equipment what Wrench assumed to be either Albion or Clan kelly things. Without further hesitation, he proceeded to stealth eliminate what he now counted to be five men. Ten more left to go before he could officially claim Y/Ns freedom.

The blonde men moved stealthy around the tower once he got to the top, there he went through the double doors and what he saw made his heart clench. There stood Y/N and her fake husband, laughing and making jokes as a few drones flew around them and what seems to be the...CEO of Albion Nigel Cass? What was Clan Kelly doing with the boss of Albion? Weren't they at war?

Wrench was going through multiple stages of anger before deciding on what his next step would be since the original plan from the Full moon meeting would just result in her getting hurt. Taking down the current fleet of drones at once and staging a kidnapping, killing the fake husband in the process sounds like a better plan. With that half thought plan made, he proceeded to tip toe around the group of people and up a ladder to what seems to be a control station.

There he proceeded to stage a countdown for the droids to shutdown as he tapped on the control panel to active it. While that now active countdown went down, Wrench prepared the huntsmen spiderbots, that should once the countdown went off, run to the nearest clan kelly guard and explode. As much as Wrench would've loved to use his bomb drones, they would've just caused potential harm to his beloved.

The preparations went without further detection besides needing to take down one of the guards and cloak him to avoid the other guards alerts. Wrench was back with the group including Y/N and the other traitors as he looked nervously at his watch. Once the countdown hit 4 seconds, he activated his spiderbots and ran out into the open.

"Get the fuck on the ground!" He yelled out as he took out his gun and snatching Y/N into his arms. "play along, buttercup" Wrench quickly whispered into her ear as he went ahead to point the gun at her head. Y/N at first was filled with shock before hearing a familiar voice whisper in her ear, now she was intrigued yet worried at Wrenchs sudden change of plans as she looked helplessly towards the other two. Nigel and the fake husband had a shocked expression as they realise what was going on around them. The drones that were there to protect them were turning off one by one, the men for double protection now exploding off into open space and now a masked man holding a young woman as a hostage.

Nigel couldn't let it stand by him as he took out his own gun and proceeded to point it at Wrench. "Put your gun down, you have no idea who you are playing with." he warned out as he held a firm grip on the gun. Wrench laughed out as he proceeded to point the gun towards the fake husband "and you have no idea who you are fucking with when you decided to talk to the clan kelly." he hissed in anger as he pressed the trigger.

The next few moments were a blur as Wrench officially had shot the man who held Y/N captive in the head. Screams, yells and gun shots were heard as he held tightly onto Y/Ns hand as he dragged her along into the tower. "Wrench! this wasn't the fucking plan!!!" she yelled out as they came to a halt together. "I know but you didn't tell me you would be there to talk to Nigel fucking CASS!!"Wrench frustrated replied back as he blocked the double door of the tower.

The female paced back in fourth as she thought about a response until she sighed out shakingly, putting a hand on her forehead and closing her eyes to gather her thoughts "I..I didnt know. Im sorry, Reggie.". Soon she was embraced in a hug from Wrench, both of them silent in each others arms, calming down from the adrenaline from a few moments ago before footsteps were heard underneath them and someone attempting to bust through the double doors. "Alright. its okay, buttercup. For now we have to figure out how to get out of here because they probably caught on that you planned this with me." Wrench explained as he parted from the hug to reload his gun and prepare for a potential confrontation. His gaze switching between the double doors and the staircase as the H/C Female took a moment to catch her breath and shake off the tense feeling on her body.

"I- right. we got this." Y/N responded as she looked around, her glance slowly going towards the big window, the view showing the river that was under them.

"Wrench...I think.." "You sure?" "I trust you."

The noise of footsteps had gotten louder before a group of men emerged from the stairs leading down. They looked around before they soon saw Wrench stand at the window, holding Y/N in a bridal style. The group held out their guns, yelling different things towards the couple. "You guys can go suck a dick!" Wrench yelled as he proceeded to bash through the window with his shoulder, letting Y/N hold onto his chest as they fell towards the river below them.

While in mid air, he proceeded to turn around facing the tower, holding Y/N tightly with one arm while the other was reaching outwards with his middle finger extended out on his hand. The men attempted to shoot after Wrench but to no avail. Wrench's laugh was heard echoing across until they both hit the waters below them.

"And thats how I met my now wonderful wife :)"

"YOUVE BEEN DOING THAT FOR THE LAST FUCKING MONTHS?!"

-AYOOOO YOU GUYS THOUGHT I WAS DEAD? NAAAH. just on vacay and reloading my story idea battery ;P i will be home next week and going off on thoseee. hope you guys enjoyed and dont forget my requests are opennnn!!! cya all on the next oneee <3-

-not keen on constructive critism as I do this as a way to enjoy myself and share it, so PLEASE NO COMMENT ON MY WRITING STYLE UNLESS ITS A GRAMMER ERROR. THAMK YOUU-

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x gender neutral!reader

See Through

From the moment you walked out of Aaron’s office, wiping your eyes and straightening your suit jacket, Spencer knew. He had thought that, maybe, the argument you’d had the night before where you’d ended things, you’d just been being dramatic. You didnt mean it, he was sure. But he knows you, and the way you walked out of Aaron’s office, coupled with the concerned frown Aaron had as he watched you walk to Penelope’s office, told him everything. You had just informed Aaron that yours and Spencer’s relationship had ended. Though he had spent the previous night worrying rather than sleeping, he protected himself with the thought that the next day you would take him back, but it was over.

Initially, Spencer was worried that you were going to quit, or ask to be moved to another department away from the team just to escape him. But what you did was almost worse. You continued to work on the team as professionally as you always had, but with one fatal difference: you forced yourself to ignore Spencer’s very existence. He treasured every time he made a point while on a case, because that was the only time you would ever pay him attention. And oh, how he craved that. He was constantly coming up with ideas on how he could catch your attention, and he wondered how you felt knowing you constantly held his.

To everyone else on the team, the rift between you and Spencer was obvious, but not awkward. It was almost like the relationship had never happened, like the two of you existed in parallel universes that the rest of the team were stuck between. In your meeting with Hotch the morning after the breakup, you explained that you loved the team too much to leave them over something like that, and you asked him if he would mind making the conscious effort to never pair you up with Spencer on a case again. That was your only request in order to maintain professionalism, and naturally Hotch accepted it, with the further plea of coming to him if you needed any help with anything else.

Spencer retained a professional state too, but unlike you, it was obvious to the rest of the team that he was completely broken. He never fell out of love with you, he couldnt, while you just forgot he ever existed. He didnt know how you managed it.

And the truth is, you didnt. At work, you could force yourself to ignore him. You had to, because if you looked at him...you dont even want to think about what might happen. It’s at home that you feel it all. Isnt it strange that the lack of his presence causes you utter agony, but when you are in his presence you cant even bring yourself to look at him? You are quietly, privately devastated. When you arrive to a silent house, colourless rooms that no longer felt like home, that’s when your heart starts to break over and over again. When you’re cooking and your mind wanders to the memory of Spencer coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist, when you’re trying to fall asleep in bed and you feel the gaping wound of his absence, those are the moments that reduce you to a being made of only heavy sobs. But Spencer doesnt know that.

One person that does is your best friend Penelope, who you have cried to countless times since the relationship ended a month ago. She does her best to gently encourage you to talk to him, but you are so stubborn. She’s always telling you how Spencer came to her office that day to ask how you’re doing, because you rush out of the building faster than anyone else to prevent him from having the opportunity to talk to you. He cares so much, still.

As you walk into the building, you return to your newfound routine of keeping your head down as you walk in order to avoid potential eye contact with a certain someone. You feel as though you have to go these extreme lengths to protect him, and yourself. Once you reach your desk, you find a hot mug of coffee waiting for you. With a confused frown on your face, you lift the cup to your lips and the scent hits your nose. Whoever made this knows your exact coffee order, right down to the tiny details. You look around the room, gaining the attention of Emily.

“Everything alright?” She asks you.

You look back down at the coffee in your hands. “Who left this here?”

Emily shrugs. “I got here just before you and that was already there.”

Your frown intensifies, but your eyes light up when you see Penelope shuffling from the entrance.

“PEN-“ You call, but she holds her hands up to stop you and continues to shuffle past you, to her office.

“I KNOW NOTHING DONT LOOK AT ME!” She shouts, gaining everyone’s attention and causing them all to turn to you.

It must have been Spencer, your self destructive mind concludes, and much to your dismay, your eyes start searching the room for him. But he isnt there.

Hotch calls everyone to a meeting and you take your coffee with you, deciding not to waste it regardless of what the intentions of it could be.

Exactly five minutes into discussing the latest case, Spencer runs into the room, panting. You know it’s exactly five minutes because you were staring at the clock waiting for him to arrive.

“Sorry Im late, got caught in traffic.”

His explanation causes you to frown again. Spencer is rarely late, and never for something like traffic. He always makes sure to plan ahead and leave for work with enough time to make it even if traffic does slow his journey. On top of that, everything about him tells you he’s lying. Not only are you a profiler, but you were in a relationship with him for 8 months, you know when he’s lying. He knows you know when he’s lying, and it’s almost like he’s exaggerated his fidgety tendencies and lack of persuasive tone to make sure you know he’s lying. But why?

Blinking rapidly, you bring yourself back to the round table.

“They need us at the station as soon as possible, wheels up in 30.”

With Aaron’s usual cue, you and the rest of your team stand to your feet and file out of the room. In your peripheral vision, you see him, and you can feel his eyes on you, but you keep your gaze fixed on what’s directly in front of you. Unfortunately, as you rose from the table you noticed a small smile playing on his face as he looked at you. Even though you dont know what made him smile, you begin to worry.

Due to how long your last case ran for, every member of the team falls asleep on the plane as soon as the case discussion is over. The plane is going to land within the next hour, and the only ones awake are you and Spencer. You are sitting at polar opposite seats on the jet, that are ironically opposite enough to each other for you to be in each other’s direct eye line. You’re pretending to be reading over the case file for the sixth time, your eyes glancing up over the top of the folder to keep an eye on Spencer, who’s reading a book at his usual ridiculous speed. All of a sudden, he stands up from his seat. You flush a violent shade of pink and slide down in your seat to completely hide your face behind the folder. Spencer walks past you and nonchalantly drops a tiny piece of folded paper in your lap. You use one hand to open it behind the folder, just in case any of the team are pretending to sleep and might notice.

Come and see me.

You are beyond confused, but something inside you is so compelled. The coffee had to be from him, and now a note with a strange choice of words considering the two of you are within a few feet of each other. Although it has been a month since the two of you broke up and Spencer has spent the majority of that time coming up with ideas on how to get your attention, he’s never actually tried. He’s been too respectful, giving you the space he assumed you needed; he didnt want to overwhelm you or force something you didnt want, even if that was something as simple as a conversation. Now, out of nowhere, he’s decided to start testing the water?

As if acting on autopilot, you find yourself standing up and following him to the jet kitchen. Spencer is leaning against a counter, his hands holding it from behind him as he stares at the wall opposite him. When he hears you approaching, he immediately turns to face you. Rather than looking at him, you pretend to start looking through the cupboards for snacks.

“You came.” Spencer breathes, his entire being stunned in disbelief.

“To see you, yeah, not sure why you phrased it like that.” You reply, trying your best to withhold as much emotion as humanly possible.

“I meant it literally.” He says, and that shatters your defences. Or rather, it peaks your curiosity to the extent where you shatter your own defences. You turn and face him.

“What do you mean?” You question.

As soon as you meet his gaze, you notice tears filling his eyes. “This is the first time you have looked at me in a month. I wanted you to come and see me, literally.”

Every ounce of your existence aches to reach out and take his hand, to hold him and stop his tears before the first one falls, but you resist.

“Why?”

Spencer blinks the tears back, trying to act far stronger than he feels. “Because maybe it’ll make you realise why you act like Im invisible.”

You feel your chest tighten. “What makes you think I dont already know?”

Spencer’s eyes fill with worry and concern for you. Always for you, never for himself. “Doesnt that hurt?”

As if on cue, you feel a stabbing pain in your chest, reminding you of the pain you regularly feel whenever you miss him. Even when he’s right in front of you, you miss him.

“Of course, but it’s for the best.”

Spencer frowns. “In what way?”

You cant answer, and your eyes avoid him again.

He desperately tries to pull your attention back. “Listen, (Y/N), I can do better...I’ve been thinking of hundreds of things I could have done to be a better boyfriend to you, and I-“

You dont let Spencer finish, you take the few steps necessary to reach him, and you kiss him. Without thinking, without planning, without considering what it will change. When you heard his voice shaking and you knew he was crying without even having to look at him, there was no alternative for you. There is no way you will continue to let him blame himself.

Spencer’s shaking hands go to your waist, and as soon as his hands are on you, his entire body relaxes as though your affection invited him to a state of euphoria. And it did.

Breaking both of your hearts again, you pull away from him. “I will never, ever be good enough for you, Spencer. So please, spare my heart the pain of continuing to love someone that shouldnt even know I exist.”

With that, your hands fall from his face, his leave your waist, and you return to your seat, filling your blurry vision with the case folder. You hear him return to his seat, his steps are slow, in shock after what just happened and confused by what you had just told him. He sits and watches you clutch either side of the folder with your shaking hands, knowing that behind it, tears roll freely down your cheeks.

For the rest of the day, you and Spencer cast glances at each other every time you’re in the same room. The rest of the team notice, but none of them address it; they’re all scared to intervene in case it ruins whatever has happened to progress the two of you returning to normality. The eye contact is hesitant and slow, with one of you nervously looking over to the other, the other somehow sensing it and meeting their gaze, then both looking away quickly. Neither of you know where you stand now, it’s all up in the air, because now Spencer realises he doesnt actually know why you two broke up, and what you revealed has told him that it’s something he can potentially resolve.

That night, you’re tossing and turning in your hotel room bed, unable to sleep. He’s only down the hall, and that reality is enough to keep you awake for an eternity. It’s 3am, there’s a chance he’ll still be awake, and who makes a rational decision at this ungodly hour? Once you come to that conclusion, you fuck over all of your defences and avoidances, and allow the magnetic connection to him to pull you to your hotel room door. You reach for the door handle, knowing you didnt lock it because you hoped he would spontaneously show up. When you pull it open, you’re stunned into silence.

Because there Spencer stands, his hand raised ready to knock on your door, both of you staring at each other with wide eyes. That does it. You grab his pyjama shirt collar and pull him into a kiss.

Stumbling back into your room, he kicks the door shut behind him and the two of you fall onto your bed. The makeout continues for a few seconds before Spencer pulls away.

“Wait, why wasnt your room locked?” He asks you, his brow furrowed with concern over your safety.

You grin up at him with flushed cheeks. “I was waiting for you to show up.”

You watch Spencer’s heart melt before your very eyes as he leans down to kiss you again. “Can I lock it now?”

Chuckling, you nod at him. Ever the worrier, the sensible influence. During the time it takes him to walk to the door, you realise that he just made his first move. He didnt confront you with that coffee, he didnt force you to take it, he even avoided being there just to give you the space to think about it yourself. Although he requested you come and see him, he let you decide whether you wanted to. At the end of that conversation, it was you who kissed him. And every kiss since then, you have initiated. He’s left it all up to you. Spencer stands up and locks your door, then crawls back on top of you to kiss you again. His lips leave yours, but they create a trail down your neck, lingering there, freeing the previously caged butterflies in your stomach and igniting your skin with goosebumps rising up on your arms.

“I think I understand now.” Spencer says, mostly into the skin of your neck.

“Understand what?” You ask breathlessly.

“We had one fight, and that drove you to the conclusion that you werent good enough for me. You’ve told me that that’s something you’ve worried about since the start, and despite my reassurance, something that was reassuring you a lot was the fact we’d never fought, so when we did, that was it for you.” At this point, Spencer pulls away from your neck to read your face as he talks. “But (Y/N), as much as you think I deserve a perfect relationship, every relationship has arguments, they arent easy all the time. They require work, effort, and the determination to not give up at the first obstacle. You are perfect to me, perfect for me, and I promise to show you that for the rest of forever, if you’ll let me.”

Tears cascade down your face and onto the bedsheets. Your insecurities got the better of you and you almost lost the love of your life. But now you both know where you stand, and you’re damn sure you wont let this happen again.

“I love you.”

Spencer hasnt heard those words in a month, to say they affected him would be the understatement of the century. He starts blinking rapidly and you know he’s trying not to cry; this time you dont have to resist, you reach up and caress the side of his face with your fingertips. The tears start falling and he chuckles, holding your hand to his face.

“I love you too, so much.”

Spencer kisses you, and you feel every splinter in your heart heal.

The two of you roll over, breaking the kiss so that you can straddle him and unbutton your pyjama shirt, before assisting Spencer in doing the same. Upon seeing you half naked, Spencer’s pupils dilate, holding his bottom lip between his teeth as his eyes travel up from your waist, to your chest, your neck, your lips, back to your eyes.

“Did you enjoy the coffee this morning, by the way?” He asks, randomly.

You smile. “Yes, I did, thank you.”

Spencer grins back at you. “Im not sure if you know this, but coffee is an aphrodisiac, so it’s very possible that you-“

You shut him up by kissing him briefly, before you pull away, pushing him back down to lie beneath you as you straddle him, a cheeky grin plastered on your face.

“I can say with complete confidence that Im horny on love, not coffee, but thanks for the fact Spence.”

[arthur-lesters-balls]

Been seeing talk about Orpheus and Eurydice and thinking about satosugu being like a dark version or subversion of them. Like Kenjaku forcefully bringing geto back from the dead to force gojo to look back and have a moment of weakness, of hope, even despite his better judgement and dooming him in an even more tragic way than how Orpheus was doomed (because at least it was their choice). Idk...but I feel like there could be something in thinking about the parallels and also the differences.

hello, sorry for taking so long to answer but i was kind of busy and i wanted sooo bad to sit and think properly about this wonderful concept before saying anything. (BTW THANKS FOR THIS ASK IT RUINED MY LIFE)

to get started i have to talk briefly about orpheus and establish my point of view on his act of looking back. this scene is, in some interpretations, about a lack of trust or defiance of hades' orders. i am, however, much fonder of the more popular interpretations (and the same as yours) about how he looks back not in rebellion, but in wistfulness. so thats the route im taking here. this is ironic, because even though stsg is in my brain 24/7 i've never put gojo and orpheus together, and i feel particularly dumb because whats gojo's story besides him keeping looking back again and again even though he knows he's not supposed to?

"[eurydice] now, who must die a second death / did not find fault with [orpheus], for what indeed / could he be faulted for, but his constancy?"

when it comes to the differences between those stories, what i like the most is the details of what they had to lose and gain, and how many chances they got to do so because, as you said, gojo's dooming is even more tragic than orpheus'. orpheus reward for obeying this rule was gaining eurydice back. when he looks back too soon (in most of the tellings by mistake), it's because he considers that moment the greeting of their new start, a greeting he simply couldnt wait to have in front of him. im most definitely sure that, if given another chance, orpheus wouldnt make the same error. whilst gojo, by not looking at geto, doesnt have anything to win, he only has something to avoid losing. his choice of glancing back whenever geto is there doesnt have any other meaning behind it, its just looking at him for the sake of remembering what he is grieving for. and not only that, but gojo has multiple chances to stop doing so, but he doesnt. he never goes forward. geto dies his premature death when gojo lets him go in shinjuku. then he dies the second time in jjk0, hearing something so kind that he has to ask to be cursed, he has to ask gojo to stop looking back. and now he's "back" again, to his third death, because kenjaku knew gojo would still look back. because gojo's worst fault (when it comes to geto) is his constancy. and this connects to the last point, which is the possibility of kenjaku using this against him again. my opinion is that, if gege plans to keep the coherence of gojo's arc, you're totally right and that'll surely be part of his ending. yes, the main point of his fight with sukuna (from a plot relevance perspective) is obviously weakening him before he fights kenjaku. but this, to me, is much more about laying the groundwork for a heavy and final fight, than to actually being the reason why it'll be special. gojo is a man equivalent to a deity, whose only real weakness is his heart, so if he gotta lose, it'll be through that. it'll be because no matter what he has to give up, he cant keep his eyes from going back to geto. and thats not only if he is to lose, obviously. if gojo survives, he needs closure. we need to see him freeing himself from the mourning of his lost days and make the conscious choice of keeping his head forward.

also, this is just an obs but i really hope we get to see geto at least once again, so we can have his perspective on this whole situation. as much as gojo is similar to orpheus, i can see geto being similar to eurydice. while i do think he will be furious at gojo for being captured because of him (we already saw how he thinks gojo should hate him by now), i cant help but also see him being quite understanding. in jjk0 geto gets to hear gojo expressing how important the days they were together were for him, so his view of that has changed a little now. what could geto say about gojo, but that too well he loved?

[bridgyrose]

Ruby kills Neo after letting out her anger and violence in their fight. Now ruby is stuck in the jabbawalker area traumatized with the crime she has committed. (Love you 💖)

(Love you too bunbun)

“It wasnt my fault!” Ruby pulled back to avoid a hit from the illusionary Pyrrha as she brought her scythe up to defend herself. Her eyes darted around the room as she watched the other illusions ready themselves to fight, her heart aching at the thought of fighting anyone she had trusted. Her eyes locked on Ozpin as she watched the illusion rush to her, arms shaking as she moved her scythe to defend her. 

“You really think you can keep yourself from hurting another one of your friends-” 

Ruby froze as Roman’s voice cut out and the Ozpin illusion turned into Oscar, and then dropped to show Neo. Her arms shook as she realized what she had done as she watched the illusionist drop to the ground, blood spilling around her. She took a step back as the manor started to collapse and shatter while the illusions faded around her. 

The Roman illusion smirked for a moment as his voice came back just as he started to fade. “And now you’ll never be able to be a huntress. No better than the rest of us.” 

Ruby dropped her scythe and stood frozen as the illusionary manor fell apart around her, eyes wide as she tried to take in everything she had done. Once the manor was gone, she found herself more lost than ever as she started to walk through the acre, no longer sure where she had wanted to go. Her heart pounded in her chest with each step, her mind spinning from the words she had heard her friends tell her, that Penny had told her. All she had wanted to do was be a huntress, to save others, and yet, all she had done was hurt her friends. 

“Ruby!” the Curious Cat called out as they made their way to Ruby. “There you are! I was worried sick when I saw you run away from your friends.” 

“You�� you were watching us?” 

“Of course? What kind of guide would I be otherwise?” The Curious Cat disappeared briefly and then reappeared in front of Ruby with a smile. “Sure we had a… little tiff, but that’s just what friendship is like, right? Friends always say things they dont mean, but that doesnt mean they have to be shunned. So what do you say we make our way to the tree and get you home?” 

“I’m… not going back.” 

The Curious Cat paused. “I’m sorry?” 

“I’m not going back home.” Ruby sighed and sat down as she looked around her and then to the sky above. “All I wanted was to help others, but Neo’s right. All I’ve done is hurt everyone along the way. I… I dont want to be me anymore, but I… I dont…” she wiped a tear from her eyes and took a breath to steady herself. “They’ll be better off without me there.” 

“N-no… you have to want to go back to Remnant. Surely you want to stop this Salem character, right? Besides, you promised me that you’d take me with you to see Remnant. If you stop here, then… what’s the point?” 

“The point is that I dont hurt anyone else.” 

The Curious Cat frowned and scratched at Ruby. “That’s not how this story goes!” 

Ruby pulled back and held her arm as it bled, fingers shaking. “It’s… it’s my choice to go back, isnt it? I killed Neo to save myself, but that doesnt change what I’ve done to hurt my friends. That I wasnt able to save anyone.” 

The Curious Cat pulled back for a moment as it started to lose color, slowly walking around Ruby. “I guess its about time that I tell you the truth about all of this. I *need* you in order to get to Remnant. I’ve been trying to wear you down, and now that Neo’s done what I couldnt, you dont want to go back? Well, if you dont want to be you, then I can be you for you!” 

Ruby stumbled back as she tried to use her semblance to avoid the Curious Cat as it lunged for her, her semblance erratically pulling her apart and bringing her back together again as she tried to make her way further through the acre. She ran as quickly as she could, trying to push herself until her legs gave out and she stumbled down a cliff. 

“You can run but you cant hide!” the Curious Cat called out. “I will find you!” 

Ruby tried to pick herself up and winced as she could barely pick herself up. A few tears rolled down her cheeks as a storm came and thunder echoed through the sky. Her fingers ran through the dirt as the ground opened up under her, swallowing her up as it did with Herb.

[euyrdice]

hi !!! im happy to see ur response n dw about taking ur time school has just started for me too so i dont anticipate being too free myself!! btw i loved ur izuki hes very cute regardless ^O^ im gonna reply kinda out of order hope its ok!! also dw at all i feel ur personally very insightful too n as for writing u shdnt avoid ur personal taste n opinions !!

i think since u know what direction u want u shd definitely lean into this angle of having a morally grey villain or someone who portrays them as such or may not even be aware of either extent or their morality! either ways its a rlly good thing to know what u want and how u want to express ideas!! ^W^ no matter what type of writing clarity is important

also mm yea personally i dont read a lot of stories w villains i realised? i like tokusatsu where theres a lot clearer good vs bad but i havent watched a lot of the recent entries w more moral ambiguity so i couldnt offer much on a personal front. i guess i like them because theyre evil n nasty n interesting sometimes n like also i like magneto too!! :D i find i pesonally agree w his ideas but i also think how different writers portray magneto, his beliefs, background and try to skew them rlly reflects interestingly on how they view the ideas he represents, just off topic but neat stuff.

although i do think yea in writing n commentary villains can serve actually a rlly important role in reflecting peoples opinions, biases ect. back on them ah but thats getting off topic

in response about the enemies to friendsish thing actually i encountered the same issue!!! :DDD albeit it was cough a knb ship (i dont think anyone knows what it is) so if i may offer my personal insight i think having obv similarities always works. for me i found my two characters were more similar than theyd liked to admit but when in their usual environments surrounded by their peers they were super unlikely to interact so i put them in a different environment! sometimes what u need is smth to kickstart their interest in each other! an encounter that exposes smth worth talking about. like for me the more villainous character realises the more "heroic" character is actually more than a boring farce n finds an opportunity to corrupt him n the heroic character wants to resist this but himself returns because of the villains intelligence n their similar points. it leads them to enter a sort of cat n mouse game into each others minds. but thats cuz my characters i was working w were more intellectual

BUTTT the gist is basically ur allowed to do a little deus ex machina or have smth thats out of their control give them the opportunity to choose to interact n stuff. not all the time ofc important advancements n influence shd be made frm autonomous actions of the characters but a little coincidence never hurts!

ive briefly dipped my toes in writing before but ive never had enough clarity to write anything good tbh!! but i do like helping others edit if i can!!

anyways it means so much that i can give u something to chew on tbh!! ^w^ ur inquisitive nature is lovely! also yes itll always be okay to pop in !!

hi lab!!!! how r u!!!! thank u for this reply!!!! 

i for sure get that about liking clearer bad/evil characters!! i really can’t think of any i also don’t read a lot of villain stories i realize! but for knb hanamiya is so hard for me to look away from he’s so funny and i really wanna know why he’s the way he is dhjdshfj. magneto!!!! love that ur a comic fan!!!!! my last url was eriklehnsherrgf hes the best heh. ooo that’s really interesting about different ways writers portray him and his beliefs representing their own views… i also think our writing and thoughts on characters and which we’re drawn to and which we dislike can reflect a lot, especially biases. i really like talking about it; why myself and others are drawn to certain characters and dislike others… what do we find in them and what are we looking for. and our own art we create is so often a self-portrait, right?

a knb ship oooooo! are you writing a fic for them? so u ARE a writer!!!!! or a future writer!!! fdjfdfgjh but that sounds so cool lab! i really like the detail about how in their usual environments w friends they’re unlikely to interact despite being quite similar… i don’t know how to articulate it but i really find this interesting in fiction/media… two people who could have a close relationship if they were just to go outside of their usual environment, and the significant role being surrounded by their peers in said environment plays. and then something pushes them out of the familiar, often by force, and our story begins, right? i love the “an encounter that exposes something worth talking about” line, so lovely. something worth talking about!

much of it is about change, and putting your characters in situations that force change, and thus character development? it’ll be fun to see what the new situation/environment brings out in your characters, what they bring out in one another when they’re finally able to interact alone. i wonder if there are things only the other person can bring out in themselves. 

i love characters seeing one another in a different light, realizing there's more to the person they disliked then originally thought. ESPECIALLY when its the more villainous character seeing something that draws them into their heroic counterpart. OO THE OPPORTUNITY TO CORRUPT HIM im getting nervous nd excited!! so theres a unignorable interest there on the villianous characters side!! i wonder what makes them want to corrupt the “heroic” character!! a more sort of twisted, self-interested and self-indulgent desire to bring out something darker in them or more genuine interest in the heroic character.. or both or something else?… hm!!!!

wait wait is one of them hanamiya? the intelligence and want to corrupt part made me think of him. teppei and hanamiya? dfjhjsdf anyways u dont need to tell me anything this just sounds so so cool and i love how deeply and intentionally you’ve thought about their relationship. thank you for sharing your plans with me, really wonderful and im excited for how it comes along!!!!

yeah!!!! you've given me a lot to think ab!! giving them a little push to interact.....

really love talking with u, i genuinely feel like i learn a lot from you wow. as always, thank you for your thoughts and kind words!!! and thank you for your encouragement ab my work!!! always value your feedback and opinion on things, you’re so very articulate and open-minded. 

i hope u’ve had/have a good day!!!! 🌟💌

[inkstainedwanderer]

Okay, my cousin indirectly inspired my new gameplan for fixing my current depressive slump.

When I get overwhelmed I get paralized. Unless I can fix the problem on a large scale, I sit there agonizing over what to do. Then I slowy stop doing other things until those become massive problems and on and on until I am as I am now. It's like when you mess up in a video game so bad you have to consider restarting because the effort to fix it feels way too much.

My biggest issue since I had my surgery has been money. I've pretty much been living off of handouts when I actually ask for help and dont try to live without. This includes rent. This last month I decided I didnt want to ask for help and would rather be homeless because I genuinely cant bring myself to ask for it anymore. I want to repay all the money given to me but it's getting to be so much I'm now freaking out over that too. My friends got me a ticket to go to Chicago with them and I couldnt decide if I was upset or happy because I now feel like I need to pay them back as well. I told my cousin this and she ended up giving me her credit card temporarily to pay rent, telling me to make sure I have a place to live in first and then worry about paying off the card second. Because I dont have to ask the card for help, I'm not as stressed about that aspect or whether or not I'll be homeless. My new job starts next week and it pays pretty well so I just have to focus on paying off the card, food, and electric rather than figuring out if my $200 paycheck should be saved to try and pay off some of my rent or used for food (between the three electricity seemed like less of a need).

But now I have all the issues that came about while I was contemplating homelessness... like how I dont have the energy to cook and how my apartment is TRASHED. For the past couple days I was stressing over food. I dont have a car to grocery shop and I didnt have the energy to cook or clean. So I was going into "sleep mode" ordering out once a day and then going back into sleep mode to essentially try and not waste energy. Which was neither healthy or monetarily responsible.

Today I paid rent and was thinking about how the credit card let me gain enough energy in the short term to actually work on my problem in the long term. So I applied that to my food.

I walked to the store and bought enough food I could carry that I dont need to prep or cook along with plasticware. It still isnt healthy, but at least now I'm not stressing about what to eat and how I'm throwing my money down the drain ordering out. So now I'll hopefully have the energy to motivate myself to start working on the next problem which is cleaning again. Cleaning means I'll stop avoiding the rest of the apartment, so I dont have to lay in bed all day and I can feel good about cooking again.

If I can get to a point where I can take care of myself again I might have the energy to socialize and be productive in ither areas besides survival.

Why did nobody tell me that small, temporary steps are okay towards solving massive problems?

[dexholderr]

rotating tyde n vin in my brain (put under a readmore cause i ended up ramblin for longer than i expected lmao):

they are a Mess right after the fight against octavio. times of stress n such can bring people together like nothin else, but after? once its all over and the dust settles?

workin together as agent 4 n 5 was a good way to get them talkin again, but even then really it wasnt great. vin did Not want tyde to be there, didnt want to risk him gettin hurt, but tyde felt the exact same toward them. not to mention that tyde followed vin down the grate without them knowin, and vins own refusal to say a word about bein an agent in the first place. it led to a lot of tension between them, especially when it was time to switch between kettles. things smoothed out a little near the end, but just barely, and the final fight did Not help.

and after? they just. didnt talk about it. vin was physically hurt and needed to heal, and tyde felt like the distance was coming back all over again. its no ones fault, genuinely (though they both blame themselves, at least a little, once they stop to think about it), but neither of them can help feeling like things wouldve been so much Easier if the other just. Said somethin, let the other in and told them what was goin on.

thats what leads tyde to put on the hypnoshades, in the end. hes hurtin, and deep down, feelin abandoned. and he doesnt Understand. why couldnt vin have just Told him about bein an agent, explained that thats why they were always so busy, and so so tired in the rare moments they werent? was it all really That Bad? and in a desperate moment of pain and impulse, he puts on the shades.

and oh boy, does it not go well. in fact, it ends up goin even worse than when it was callie wearin the shades. not only was it someone that vin didnt know yet that time, but she wasnt actually part of the fight. but tyde? thats vins younger brother, and he has a splatling and knows how to use it. to say that vin feels kinda betrayed would be an understatement.

tyde saw what happened to vin last time someone wore those shades, and yet he goes and puts them on anyway? and for What? to show that hes Lonely? that hes Sad? dont misunderstand, vin cares about tydes feelings, and would drop everythin to help him, but when he pulls somethin like This? theyre furious, and nothin is resolved. all that happens is vin gets thrown around by octavio again, this time with a splatling lasering them the whole time

vins anger is quiet at first, cold. they refuse to say a word until tyde does. but tydes first words are an accusation of vin not caring about him, about anyone, and they arent going to take that laying down. eventually, both are shouting, screaming words that neither mean. eventually, hands fly and callie n marie have to step in to hold them back.

eventually, vin leaves tentakeel outpost, pausing for just a second when tyde calls for them, but not looking back before they goin through the grate to go back to the city.

on their way home, though, they stop at crusty seans to get somethin to eat, somethin familiar and comforting. a moment of hesitation, and they order tydes favorite as well, leaving it in front of his door as they pass to get to their own down the hall.

things go quiet between them for a long time, vin avoids goin to the makomart tyde works at, tyde avoids goin to the cafe vin works at. they dont talk, and it hurts for both of them. callie n marie try to help, not wanting what happened to them to happen to the siblings, but it doesnt work.

but then kite and the captain come back with someone new, an octoling thats named himself cirrus. after a few more weeks, cirrus and tyde become roommates, and its good for them, though cirrus can tell that tyde is hurting

he decides to step in, refuses to see his friends hurting if he can do something to help. its just small things, really. asking them both to hang out without the other knowing, messing with the patrol schedule so theyre scheduled for the same days (with the captains permission), etc. just trying to get them to be around each other

and eventually, it starts to work. its slow, so very slow, but they start talking again. asking about each others days, asking how works been, sharing funny stories of stuff thats happened. its slow, but its Good. and eventually they sit down and Talk. really Talk, about everything. the hurt, the pain, the distance, the silence, all of it. and they slowly make amends.

and slowly, they become siblings again. they heal, and they take care to keep up with each other, to not let the distance comeback again. and when, years later, vin asks if tyde would be ok with them goin to splatville? they talk about it, and end up callin every few days after vin goes. and when the train line gets fixed, they see each other every weekend.

things are good

[endcant]

a ramble on relating to book characters, or sometimes failing to do so, and feeling the pain of others, or sometimes failing to do so.

cw: animal death mention and fictional human death mention and vague fictional and nonfictional trauma mention

i started re-reading a little life recently, and i've been taking it incredibly slow.

i read it cover to cover within a matter of days the first time i read it, so i decided to read it bit by bit this time. i've found that i can't read it in spare seconds of my day, though, the way i read most books. if i get interrupted in the middle of a section, i can't put it down and pick it back up right where i stopped. i just start reading that section over when i think i have time to finish it.

i think that may have to do with the way that even the easier sections feel heavy. reading it reminds me of getting close enough with somebody that you stay up late to hear them divulge some half-baked thoughts on discord, and it seems a lot like this is maybe the first time they've ever shared this thought with anybody. this is not the time to say "brb" or "good night." because then they may never express this feeling again. this is the time to be there with them, intensely, from the beginning to the end. that's how intimate this book feels.

i'm only on chapter two right now, which i read a JB section and a willem section of. i enjoy how every character is written to be partially relatable and partially larger than life. they're so easy to empathize with, even with their massive successes and enormous failures, and their notable faults and their strangely saintlike qualities.

JB is a character that is entirely un-fascinating to me even now, as he was when i first read this story. he's a very prototypical artist type, both from the point of view of me in music school, and also from the point of view of me in regular life. artists who genuinely want to Be Successful are like a projection to me. i can see the layer of hologram that people push beyond themselves in order to sugarcoat the true core of the artistic work they do, and i find it both offputting to behold and necessary to understand. i do the same thing when the occasion calls for it, but i hate doing it so much that i avoid occasions that call for it. i can't have faith in my own shit, so i don't relate to JB. i just recognize him. still, i like the character for how familiar he is, in this way and others, including how i recall he changes over time.

Willem in chapter 2 is fascinating to me, and was probably one of the least relatable characters to me when i first read this book. I have always related to some of his concerns about acting as a career, but now more than then I relate to his lack of a sense of his potential for success. The feeling of being a mere guest whenever he ends up somewhere worth going. The feeling of not knowing how to make himself believe that he deserves better than whatever it is that he gets. i can't be a JB. he can't be a JB.

that said, the part of Willem that fascinates me now is the part that I find so entirely unrelatable: his caretaker's spirit. when I first read this book, I couldn't even bring myself to want to be more like Willem. I have always recognized that there are people more capable of caring for others than I am, and that somehow that makes people theoretically better than me, morally, or something. However, I didn't want to be any better at wanting to care for others. I wanted to be hard and cold and sharp and distant. I was also constantly dissociating and felt like I couldnt possibly be any more caring, so attempting to be less cold would just be a painful string of failures and disappointments. not worth trying. During my first reading back in college, i read the section of chapter 2 about Willem and Hemming with a very flat feeling inside, and i barely noticed the discussion of his parents.

i won't say that I'm so much more compassionate now, because that compassion waxes and wanes in opposition to my waning and waxing depression. but reading that part today hurt, even though it didn't register as anything before.i think it's because I've stumbled a lot in the past few years and wanted to go die in a hole somewhere. and i've found that there are people in my life now who, despite at times having no more resources than their hands and their words to work with, will simply not let me go die in a hole somewhere. and I've found that those people will ask for my help when they want to help someone or some little creature and they just don't have the means to help on their own. and I still find the yawning void of disconnection looking back at me irritatedly when I consider it, buti I do it anyway because i can see that it means a lot to them. obviously i don't congratulate myself for that. I guess I've just unlocked the ability of "care when your loved ones care about something, even if you don't feel strongly about it yourself."

in particular, I loved this quote from what i read today:

And then, one morning a week later, his mother called: Hemming had died. There was nothing he could say. He couldn't ask why she hadn't told him how serious the situation had been, because some part of him had known she wouldn't. He couldn't say he wished he had been there, because she would have nothing to say in response. He couldn't ask her how she felt, because nothing she said would be enough. He wanted to scream at his parents, to hit them, to elicit from them something-- some melting into grief, some loss of composure, some recognition that something large had happened, that in Hemming's death they had lost something vital and necessary to their lives. He didn't care if they really felt that way or not: he just needed them to say it, he needed to feel that something lay beneath their imperturbable calm, that somewhere within them ran a thin stream of quick, cool water, teeming with delicate lives, minnows and grasses and tiny white flowers, all tender and easily wounded and so vulnerable you couldn't see them without aching for them.

when I first read this, five or so years ago, it might as well have said, "Hemming died, and Willem was very sad and felt alone in that sadness." and I felt the same way I felt whenever I heard about someone grieving something that was ending, which was basically nothing. It was just information to me.

now, I have come to treasure some Willems. and now, I came to understand the whole paragraph by reading that last sentence and recognizing those Willems in it. I know someone who has to stop for every stray cat they see, I know someone who needed my help to bury a dead pet because they couldnt bear to think of its little body curled up around its final breaths, I know someone who can't stop worrying for the person who left them, I know someone who wants to rescue others despite seeing so many tragedies they had no power over, and I know a lot of people who have offered me help I never asked for or did anything to deserve. Those people have that clear stream in them, impossibly alive with soft things. Things that are, as Hal would say, are way too small to understand and don't know anything in this world.

I realized today while reading and rereading that paragraph that I had been very similar to Willem's parents when I first read this book. It's not that I had never gone out of my way for anybody or anything. It's just that I generally acted from a sense of justice, or from a strange excitement to have an excuse to disrupt my routine and be present in that person's life more than usual, from a desire to defend others using my armored spirit, or else from some other less vulnerable place. And I felt awkward all the while, as I would always feel unprepared for the sadness and sentimentality and nostalgia and sensitivity of those I was there to help. But I was glad that I seemed to be useful nonetheless.

Is that the right way to feel? Glad to be useful? Pleased to be present while life happens? Completely calm while the person I'm holding is shivering and shaking as life batters them with waves that their hearts can barely withstand?

And for that matter, what about when I don't choose to be there? When something horrible happens that I need to care about, what then? Is is right to feel the nothingness I feel when there's somebody begging me for evidence that I feel the way they do somewhere deep down? Is it right to admit that all I can tell them is that I've said all I have to say and there is literally nothing left in me to speak of? Should I feel more remorse for my failure to be emotionally available?

in the past, I didn't understand the bone Willem had to pick with his parents, and I didn't understand that Willem was pained by their emotional disconnection. In this chapter, it says that Willem would later recognize that his parents probably felt no need to connect with their living children because they anticipated losing them as they had lost their deceased children. I suppose that the disconnect there is a defense mechanism, and I guess that is something I relate to.

i've had a lot of people claim emotional dependence on me when I wanted no part in it, especially when I was a child. It was very hard to deal with the way that people acted like I owed my life to them, just because they were sad and they needed my life to sustain their own. I was just a sad kid. I didn't have the capacity to do the emotional labor that was asked of me, and I didn't ever gain that ability during my childhood. My emotions would just shut off when someone else seemed to need me to feel a certain way. If someone is saying something that sounds to me like "you need to spend the rest of your life feeling the emotions I think you should feel or I'll/You'll die" then the instinctive response from deep deep down is "okay, fine."

that's changed in the past five years because I'm in a situation where people I trust help me out of the sheer pain of imagining that I might be suffering. That was initially such a bizarre concept to me, but seeing their reactions to the pains of others (including myself) caused me to notice the pains that they have-- those pains that give them context for others may be experiencing. They imagine that others are vulnerable because they are vulnerable. There is some soft part of them that is capable of exposing itself to this horrible world despite everything that has hurt them thus far, and it makes them want to hold other people and creatures and keep them safe. Seeing them bare themselves to the world like that makes me want to take care of them. I guess I'm coming to understand that care-taking spirit, and I now feel the shadow of something new when I go out of my way for people. Compared to these other, far more selfless people around me, I still feel like that little feeling is like a small rock thrown into a deep empty well. But there's been a change in me, and I hadn't noticed it until I reread this Willem section and found myself crying.

He just needed them to say it, he needed to feel that something lay beneath their imperturbable calm, that somewhere within them ran a thin stream of quick, cool water, teeming with delicate lives, minnows and grasses and tiny white flowers, all tender and easily wounded and so vulnerable you couldn't see them without aching for them.

This sentence makes me feel like I'm a vampire who missed a spot while applying sunscreen and now the light is burning a hole in me. It makes me feel like an electrical wire with cracked insulation, or like a turtle with a small but unbearable hole in its shell.

that feeling stopped me and made me reread the paragraph and that made me understand the ending of this willem section in a way i hadn’t the first time i read this.

willem let go of his relationship with his parents, and five years ago i thought, “yeah, that makes sense. he’s mad at them and they don’t have anything in common anymore.”

now i guess i understand that even that pains him, even if he frames it in the cold way that his parents would frame it. willem wants to care about the people in his life so badly, and he wants them to care about each other, and he probably wants them to see that he cares and care about that. but his parents just don’t have the capacity to care. and that hurts him in a way i didn’t have the capacity to understand before, because i didn’t know how to receive care from a person with that willem-like sensitivity five years ago.

so yeah. i didn’t finish chapter 2 today, i just stopped there to think about how willem’s feelings and actions later on in the story make more sense now that i understand the context. and to think about how i’ve changed in a way that has made willem seem less like an unrealistic saint to me and more like a hurt kid who just wants to be allowed to care.

[chasing-rabbits]

I have been having a horrible time as of late. My mental health has just been awful. I’ve been irritable, short tempered, major bpd paranoia triggered by being so stressed, majorly depressed leading to either complete numbness and emptiness or crying or both to the point on Sunday nothing I did seemed to help I couldnt distract myself in the usual ways I do and the intrusive thoughts were just non stop to the point it was preventing me from sleeping and making me relive and rethink about past trauma to the point I shutdown for awhile. I’ve also been extra sensitive because of this to where I’ve been left feeling ignored and forgotten about and like I’m at the bottom of I can’t find the word I guess like I’m just put last and me being sensitive to that is probably related to the fact I was having intrusive thoughts about past shitty things and how a lot of the time if not all of the time my feelings were invalidated/ignored and that in the family dynamics I was typically always put last when considering needs and such. Like so I guess given the intrusive thoughts I was having and everything else I was interpreting things in a way that maybe wasn’t 100% accurate and was skewed based on the past and my feelings that night. Like my feelings weren’t wrong and it wasn’t great but it wasn’t the past repeating itself you know. That’s the word I was looking for I’m more hypersensitive to those situations and interpreting or going to worst case thinking etc etc I did recently have my meds upped to help with the depression ironically but I’m only just about a week in so it’ll take longer than that to see a change and tbh this could be a side effect of the meds hopefully temporary ones.

You know that last bit about being put last every time by my family specifically my dad is so wild to the point when we went on holiday and to preface this I have a fair amount of dietary restrictions and back then was suggested to avoid ‘xyz’ things as well which most I’ve stuck to with one exception because it’s not affecting me so I’m good and there’s only so much I can avoid before it becomes so restrictive it’s impossible. Anyways so we were out and everyone had decided to stop at the first place they found because my Granddad was with us and he was hungry and wanted food right that minute. This place was so bad I couldn’t even get a plate of plain old veggies because it was all pre packaged with dairy in so yeah I was willing to just eat a plate of vegetables at that point. So after that we head further into the city and I find a place not far from where we were that did vegan food that was free of all the other things I couldn’t eat at the time and I asked about going there whilst everyone was sitting enjoying the view by the sea. But my dad said the aquariums right there (not one with shows or big sea animals it was little fishies and things it actually had correct information about the biggest polluters of the sea being discarded fishing nets so A plus for that one lol) lets go in first so I made him promise me that we would definitely go get my food afterwards it was already gone lunchtime as well by the way. So we get out and my Granddad is sitting outside enjoying the view and suddenly throws a fit about how he wants to go NOW and so what does my dad do just completely ignore the promise and say he can’t take me so now I’m looking around in our immediate vicinity for anywhere I could eat luckily we go into a place that has a vegan burger that with some modifications I could eat so we order that to takeaway. My mum comes and orders with me and so we are sat down waiting for the order and my dad comes in and starts getting angry and shouting because Granddads getting annoyed because he wants to go NOW.

Just to add even more context the day prior we visited a small village we’d been to before years back and we loved it there they had a place right by the river that I could eat at but my Granddad insisted on going to some seaside town a little over for some fish and chips my parents oblige and then turns out the fish and chip shop wasn’t even there anymore and this place was much more busy half the places fully booked and it was getting late at night. The boys find a pub which afterwards my brother said was shit anyways and I’m left sitting outside with no where to eat. In the end they have to find an Aldi on the way home which had almost nothing in for me to eat anyways but I find two frozen curries that I can eat and my dad suggests getting them and more just in case. Which made me mad tbh because we HAD places I could eat I had a talk with my mum and she promised to talk to my dad about it which then leaded on to that day at the aquarium and on the way back to the car I got upset with my dad because this was the 2nd day in a row and he’d promised this would not happen again he had 0 empathy and when my mum tried he just got rude and swore and it went no where. This is not a one off event btw either this is just one of the times that really stuck out for me. It’s happened plenty of times where we’ve been away and he’s made it very hard to accommodate me or make it clear how annoyed he is that he has to eat at a place he’d prefer not to just to accommodate me even though he will eat it and does have options on the menu he’d happily eat and still have more options than I could ever dream to have on any menu in my entire life.

[exfoxforfrogs]

----------------------

Help to blame

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diluc x favonius assistant gn!reader

Warnings: solution to an argument

part 1 here

Synopsis: You try to help Diluc lighten his workload, but he turns his stress against you, hurting your feelings with it. You set him straight in anger and storm away. Now he is burried deep in guilt, the question is if he will ever succefully apologize

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes: whowie, actually a part 2! I honestly didnt expect people liking the first one so much (45 notes is a lot when thats the second thing u ever post, okay?) so today I found the motivation to finish it. Turned from “could be platonic” to “no way this aint romatic”. What can I say, I am a simp for this man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The vineyard bloomed in the fresh spring winds, not caring about its owners heavy heart. If anything, the contrast made Diluc sigh more frequently, reminding him of how unfairly he treated such a sweet person. He didn't care that his workload almost doubled because of it, felt like it was well deserved on his end, but it didn't ease his guilt.

He wanted nothing more than to solve this, to apologize and get back the sunshine person that you were. It felt strange to not get greeted by sparkling eyes whenever he walked into the Favonius headquarters. He missed the conversations at Angel's Share that kept him entertained while dealing with customers. He felt a void crawl at his chest at the realization of how much comfort you actually were in his life and that he needed a petty argument to notice it.

Still, he kept quiet and avoided you like wildfire. He was afraid of you not accepting his apology, his guilt convincing him youd have no reason to do so. Maybe childish of him to think so, but he'd rather hope than get rejected. 

Two weeks went by like this, nothing changed in the eyes of a stranger. Two weeks, when you showed up in Angel's Share. Honestly you hoped youd find Charles behind the counter... no, actually, that wasnt honest, but still, you've seen no attempt, no regret from Diluc, so why cross paths.

"What can I help you with?" his voice was softer, quieter than you remember, but it was enough to make you not flee immediately.

"Just some papers... the new oak barrels ordered... the contract..." you did not look at his face while fumbling with not just the papers you were supposed to hand over. You didn't even do anything wrong, still you couldnt stop your hands from shaking.

"Thank you, Y/N" he put down the vine bottle he was holding. The void screamed at him so loud inside - seeing how the usual cheerfulness was replaced by so much sadness on your face because of him. Couldnt decide if it was worse to see you like this or when you were angry, either way his heart could barely handle it. He reached out to take the contract you slid over on the counter. "Actually wanted to check on this matter today... you always know how to help" those last words were quiet, barely reaching your ears but making you pick your head up and freeze non the less.

"I'm..." what are you supposed to say to that? Was that the apology? At least now it seemed like he was trying to mend things but... that was it? The anger you felt weeks ago started to resurface. 

"Diluc Ragnvindr" his hand whinced back a little at your stern voice. "You are coming with me. Yes, right now" you saw the unasked question in his eyes. "I'm done dancing on fire and I'm sure you don't want to have this conversarion in front of your patrons." Your hands were crossed over your chest and even tho you managed a level head voice, it resulted in such cold demeanor, Diluc barely recognised you behind it. 

"Of course" was all he managed, put the papers under the counter, waved at his workers to show he will be out for a bit and than followed you out. He felt like a scolded child, the weeks of guilt poking at his throat, but he was determined to use this opportunity right.

"So?" you suddenly turned around when you arrived in an alley behind the bar. Maybe he wasnt as prepared as he thought, staing into those eyes he liked to see shine, now furrowed. After long moments of silence he cleared his throat and tore his eyes away from your face. 

"I am... I didn't mean when..." he mentally slapped himself. What a great way to start. The big breath he took made his eyes shut. "I didn't mean what I said that day. I am so sorry for taking your help for granted, I..." he felt a hand squeezing at his arm which stopped him from rambling on and made him look up. His eyes widened with panic at your teary eyes.

"I thought you didn't care" you admitted while gently holding on to his bicep. You wiped the escaped tears with your free fingers and smiled. Diluc could have swore the sun started to shine brighter. "Im also sorry for blowing up on you" the smile turned sheepish, but the red head still soaked it up with joy, like he was trying to make up for the days missing.

"There is nothing to apologize for you, Y/N" he took your hand off his arm and held onto it longer than he meant to. Why is it so soft? He came back to reality when he heared you chuckle and say probably because you had good skincare routines, voice a tad teasing. In an attempt to hide his embarrassment, he exsused himself and went back to the bar, but even when he walked in the door, his face was still noticeably pink, to the delight of Kaeya, who now had new material to tease his brother with.

[runawaymun]

Hi hi! I dont know if its ok to send more than one request but i like your writing so much, i couldnt resist lol, if not then feel free to ignore this one~

I need more fluff in my life fr, fem! reader struggling with social anxiety and insecurity (totally not projecting) stuttering, avoiding everyone, tremors, sweating, the whole package- with anyone other than family. They end up meeting and working alongside Lindir, Erestor and Glorfindel in Rivendell where they sadly arent familiar with anyone and gets super homesick. (Platonic or romantic completely depends on how you think it would go!) Have a great day! 💕💕💕 Side note: Moving to a new place is really lonely.

You can absolutely send as many as you like! Thank you so much for the compliment 💖 I hope this works for you, my friend! Honestly we can all use more fluff in our lives. All these bois are so soft and I love them so much  🥺😭 

 Here goes: 

Lindir

Lindir is the first person to greet you when you come to Imladris. As Lord Elrond’s assistant and steward of his house, he feels responsible for you and wants to do his best to make you feel at home, making sure that your room is well-furnished and comfortable when you arrive and immediately asking what you need to personalize it, and finding everything to the best of his ability.

If there is something you want that isn’t immediately available, he’ll ask one of the many skilled artisans in Imladris to make it for you, or if they aren’t able to or don’t know how, he’ll try and order it in on one of the shipments to the Valley. 

He’s really shy and fretful himself, and so it's super awkward between the two of you at first. Like-- painfully awkward-- because he recognizes and empathizes with how you feel and wants to help, but is way too anxious to do much other than interact with you in a professional capacity. 

But you can sense that there’s something very warm and friendly behind his own overly-proper pleasantries that he clings to when he’s nervous. 

He worries when you don’t seem to make any friends and keep to yourself at mealtimes, but he understands and doesn’t try to push you into anything.

One afternoon everything just becomes too much for you. You’ve stumbled over all of your social interactions and can’t stop beating yourself up about it, and you miss home so much it physically hurts somewhere inside your chest. You can’t even make it to your room before you’re in tears, so you end up hiding in a back corner of one of the secluded gardens, hoping no one will hear you cry. That’s when Lindir finds you.

He’s still very awkward about it, but he can’t stand to see you so upset and so he comes over and sits next to you and asks you what’s wrong, and he doesn’t much mind whether or not you’re able to tell him. He just sits there, present with you (maybe a little anxiously), and offers you one of his neatly-pressed white handkerchiefs.

And then he’ll finally blurt out: “I understand just how you feel” in one, tumbling mess. He adds that he doesn’t fit in very well either and he often feels insecure and worries what others think of him. But he’s quick to reassure you that no matter what lies you tell yourself, you haven’t given anyone any reason to dislike you and he’ll list all the reasons he admires you. 

He’ll offer to fix your hair for you and he lets you take your time before going back to your day. If you want a snack or something nice to drink, he’ll make sure you get it.

And after that, he’s sure to check on you regularly and say hello to you when the two of you pass each other. And soon the two of you become fast friends, sharing in that incredibly strong bond that forms between two anxious people who know that the other person accepts them just the way they are. You become each other’s solace when social interaction becomes too stressful and overwhelming. 

You end up using each other as an excuse to get away from anxiety-inducing situations, developing a knack for knowing when one of you is overwhelmed so the two of you can go somewhere quiet to calm down. 

Just...ugh...absolute besties. 🥺 

Glorfindel

Glorfindel introduces himself to you on your very first morning in Imladris. He knows everybody in Imladris, and everybody knows him, so he’s absolutely delighted to see a new face. He assumes you’re just passing through, but when he asks you quietly tell him that no, you’re here to stay. He’s thrilled and immediately wants to know everything about you, but backs off as soon as he realizes how terribly anxious you’re getting. 

Since he knows you’re new, he makes a point to say hello to you and ask how you’re doing every time he sees you. He always has a bright smile and a compliment for you. He isn’t deterred when you can’t work up the courage to say anything to him. He knows he’s a little intimidating and he’s aware that you’re anxious, so he doesn’t ever try and drag you into conversations or take up too much of your time. 

Whenever he notices that the other elves and non-elvish visitors in Imladris are making you uncomfortable (they all mean well, but you have such a difficult time making friends and group-interactions are fraught with all sorts of pitfalls for you-- especially when it comes to how badly you stutter when you get anxious), he devises some reason to lure them away from you so that you can have some space. And he’s very good at doing this without making it seem like he’s doing it.

Eventually he works up the courage to drop by your room with a plate of pastries (he has a sweet tooth and can’t think of a better gift) and knocks on your door. When you open it, he holds out the plate and immediately says: “I want to apologize for making you so uncomfortable on your first day here!” And of course he has to gush about the cinnamon rolls he’s brought you. 

He asks if there is any way he can make you more comfortable, and offers to introduce you to some of Imladris’ quieter residents so that you can make some like-minded friends.

He continues to keep an eye out for you and comes to check on you whenever he hasn’t seen you in a while, just to make sure you’re doing okay (and he always brings sweets).

As you become more comfortable around him, he gifts you a gentle horse that he helped train, and offers to teach you how to ride. He promises to show you all of the best hiking and riding trails around the Valley and offers to take you stargazing anytime you like, as it’s a favorite pastime of his.

He’s always ready to listen if you need to talk-- especially about missing home. He understands completely! He misses Gondolin and is often struck with sea-longing for Valinor, but he’s bound to Middle Earth until his quest here is complete. The two of you swap stories about your homes and the people you miss, and he’s very good at knowing just what to say whenever you’re feeling especially lonely or sad. 

Also he is an absolute snugglebug. You just have to say the word and he’ll shower you with affection: hugs, forehead kisses, cuddles, the whole works. He’ll even offer to spend the night with you if you don’t want to sleep alone.

Which of course turns into something a little more than friendship... but he’s respectful and keeps his distance, waiting until you’re completely comfortable with him before he even asks if you’re interested in him.

He’s thrilled when he learns that you return his feelings, and he’s so attentive and protective when the two of you are in a relationship. And he dotes -- making sure you have everything that you could ever want and then some, and makes sure to look after you whenever you’re having a bad day. 

Erestor

Erestor takes the longest of the three to warm to you. He’s swamped with responsibilities as Elrond’s chief advisor and isn’t exactly the friendliest of elves-- and you find his grouchy, prickly demeanor daunting, so you try to stay out of his way as much as possible.

It’s Glorfindel that introduces the two of you to each other. He and Erestor are the best of friends and Glorfindel thinks the two of you would get along, if you could just get past Erestor’s grumpiness and Erestor could take five minutes out of his day to talk to you.

Eventually Glorfindel convinces Erestor to let you help him out with his office duties. It’s quiet work where you don’t have to talk to anyone. Mostly filing things, organizing, cleaning, and running small errands for him. Erestor really appreciates that you aren’t super chatty and eventually the awkward silences between the two of you morph into something much more pleasant. Both of you are grateful that there are no expectations of being sociable. 

As time goes on, the two of you start to swap little facts and stories about yourselves. Not too much, just little things here and there when both of you feel like talking.

He always asks if you’ve eaten anything, if you’re sleeping enough, and whether or not you need to take a break. He’s also super perceptive and will insist that you take the day off to do something that makes you happy whenever he notices that you’re feeling extra tired, anxious, or sad. 

Like Glorfindel, he keeps an eye out for you and notices whenever social interactions start to become overwhelming. He’ll rush over and bark some commands at whoever is bothering you, sending them off on some errand or reminding them of appointments or responsibilities that they’re neglecting. And, like Glorfindel, he’s very good at making sure that it never looks like he’s doing it for you, so no one ever gets mad at you for it. Everyone just always complains: “Ai, Erestor’s in a foul mood today!” which is nothing unusual so he doesn’t mind taking a hit for you. 

He never gets upset with you when your anxiety gets the better of you and you start to stutter or shake. He just listens patiently. He doesn’t rush you. And he always asks if there is anything he can do to help. 

He’s really awkward when it comes to reassurances and compliments, but he tries. A+ for effort.

He also sneakily asks Elrond if he has any herbal cures for anxiety, saying it’s for him and passing them along to you. 

Like Glorfindel, he understands homesickness. He’s an excellent listener and is really good at sitting quietly and being present with you when you just need a friend to chill with.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i used it in one of my earliest videos but i think ive been underestimating “everything we’ve lied to people about” as a line in the first episode

did the doctor ask or did they offer? was it an unspoken agreement? did authorities find them with grace and did the doctor take the lead and they just followed? did she just lead with lies and they followed her example? that seems like their mo doesnt it? that seems very plausible

how did graham and ryan feel about that. how did they feel about lying about how grace died. not being able to tell she was being brave and trying to save people?

did the doctor stay not only because she felt responsible for grace but also because she led them into this lie and she felt responsible for shepherding them all the way through?

did she ever say “dont tell people im an alien”. i doubt she had to. i doubt she would have. everything is so unspoken with her. she just sorta,,, forces people to bend to her will right? she still has this influence over the fam even in s12 when they can see through her lies. “stop asking me that” felt like such a moment because she doesnt just do that right? she doesnt address stuff outright

did she take the lead with the funeral arrangements so graham and ryan didnt have to? did she make things go smoother when people were being difficult and then hang back to avoid the eyes and the credit and the attention? to avoid the questions? “who is this woman who ive never seen before who’s apparently so engaged in arranging grace’s funeral, graham?” no she would have maneuvered right out of that. make things easier for graham and ryan and then get out of dodge get out of sight just weave right through the people through their little spotlights of attention

and ryan and graham and yaz couldnt have done anything. “everything we’ve lied to people about” i doubt that was a considered and conscious choice. i doubt that was a choice full stop. that was what was happening. the doctor leads

i wonder if thats why they were relatively easy to follow her in 11x2 and 11x3 too. they’d already followed her there. not only in the alien affairs of the first night where they definitely needed her help, but also in the human affairs of the next week or so, where they might not have needed her help but where she placed herself in the same spot as she did when they did need her help. indispensable? like a director, ordering people around, making sure everything goes well, staying off the stage. an invisible lynchpin

i doubt she wanted to be indispensable, she expects to leave them, shes not trying to become important to their lives, shes just trying to make sure This One Event goes well. for them and for her. make sure she can disappear out of these people’s lives without a trace after this is done

and heres what im thinking about because im thinking about yaz and when she tells her family. because it’s yaz who says that line. “everything we’ve lied to people about”, on your orders, following your example, we’ve lied to everyone we know about a Very Big Deal, “is this normal for you”

i dont think yaz has told her family anything yet

[alexinity]

someone specific

albedo x gn reader

tw: none

-this is kinda short and boring but it was in my drafts for a few months so i decided to get rid of it finally, albedo might be a little off character idk

[albedo confesses his feelings, talks abt the future and his fears, a little comfort?]

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you and albedo were sitting on the grass near dragonspine, where the cold couldnt reach, yet the sun couldnt touch.

you were laying on the grass in deep silence, not an uncomfortable one but still in the nice company of your friend.

"have you ever thought about the future?" albedo randomly asked

"of course i have.. why do you ask?" you turned your head towards him and looked at his back

"i was just wondering..do you think if we already have a destined future, that a single moment can completely change it?" he was staring into the distance.

"hm..perhaps..the future is something that changes all the time and even a single decision can lead it towards a very different way. our fates change everyday with every little thing we say and do. this is how i imagine it... kind of like the butterfly effect, dont you think?" you said with a small smile.

albedo felt his cheeks turn slightly red. he loved the way they answered his questions, maybe thats why he always seemed to try to find something new to ask you

"maybe you are right..." he said while turning the other way again

"you seem bothered? is something wrong? you never really care about things that arent happening in the moment, let alone something so distant like the future." y/n got closer to albedo and gently placed their hand on his shoulder.

"true but.. recently ive been trying to get something out of my mind, no matter what i do nothing seems to be working out"

"well its new to see you worried about anything at all, you can tell me.." a few seconds passes before albedo sighed and lowered his head a little

"how do i say this...well.. i was just wondering if what im doing, my dedication, all my researches, all my creations...if they will eventually lose their meanings when in the end of the day i will still be alone like ive always been, i will lose control and.." he didn't dare look at them.

"albedo..." albedo had told them a long time ago what his life purpose was, they knew what he was capable of

"leave it..i shouldn't think about it now" he felt embarrassed. he didnt understand emotions as much as he wanted to, he knew that in order to not feel lonely he had to be around people and that seemed like the hardest part

the only person he always wanted to be around was you

he knew you were a busy person, always going around helping others, caring about everyone, you had your own worries and problems, he knew the fact that you were there with him right now was too much to ask for. why would you care about someone like him anyway? he wanted to be selfsh for once, take you away from all of your responsibilities for a day and spend moments like this more often

"do you often feel lonely?" y/n took albedo back to reality with their question

"sometimes"

"then why do you always stay here - alone. If you really didnt want to be alone you would be doing all your researches in Mond.. in your lab."

"you are right..i dont seek the company of other people, i tend to avoid everyone as much as i could, in dragonspine i feel.. save...i am perfectly fine by myself here, but i do seek the company of someone specific sometimes, its distracting me from my job, makes me feel vulnerable.." He turned his gaze towards you. he felt his breath hitch as he was staring at your confused expression. should he really be doing this?

"and who that might be?" oh how u loved to act dumb he thought

archons you were doing to kill him. why do you always have to do this? you never seemed to notice how much effect you have on the alchemist

his hands trembled

"you"

perhaps one day..when he loses control, when he cant hold back and think straight..perhaps you will be there to stop him and bring his mind to peace again

[thithesandofferings]

“Open Wide”- Ogami Shirou x Reader

TW: 18+ MINORS DNI!! Dom!Shirou/Sub!FemReader, Comeplay, Choking, Voice Kink, Rough Sex, Praise Kink, Degradation, lil bit Size Kink SMUT!!

This is bad .

“Look at you Alan, I thought you said Purebloods didnt get Nirvalys Syndrome? Let me put in into you, before you lose your mind”

Who says stuff like that to the enemy? Ive never seen Shiro this angry before. Especially to say words like that. He barely speaks at all most days. Only when he absolutely has to. This should surprise me or- or stress me out but-

It's so hot.

Link to my Ao3 for this fic= https://archiveofourown.org/works/25414948

This is bad .

“Look at you Alan, I thought you said Purebloods didnt get Nirvalys Syndrome? Let me put it into you, before you lose your mind”

Who says stuff like that to the enemy? Ive never seen Shirou this angry before. Especially to say words such as that. He barely speaks at all most days. Only when he has to. This should surprise me or- or stress me out but-

It's so hot.

“Hey you! Look alive we gotta go!” Michiru yelled, startling me out of a downward spiral.

She was right. I had to get out of there before the place was destroyed to shreds. I could barely think. All I could think about was Shirou splitting that evil bastard's mouth open and putting his power inside it.

I couldnt help but feel jealous.

His wolf had such a presence on its own, how could I not be affected.

I needed to get it together, there were still people that needed to be saved. I shook my head and ran after Michiru towards Shirou. She was chattering excitedly, but I honestly couldnt understand anything she was saying. My eyes were on him.

He must’ve caught something in my gaze because he turned his attention to me.

“You okay?” His voice was gruff from exertion and I had to take a calming breath from the shiver that coursed down my spine. He caught that too.

“I should be asking you that Shirou” I looked away, but with a sideways glance I grumbled that he was, in fact, amazing. He raised his nose a notch, almost an afterthought,  and I could see him take a deep breath.

With his penetrating gaze solely on mine, I could feel my pulse jump and my temperature rack up a thousand degrees, I had to look away. He scoffed, almost smugly, and slid attention back to Michiru, who was still talking and running around. Something about having Shirou howl to the town.

We watched as he changed into his silver wolf form again to howl into the microphone. It was a beautiful site to see. Seeing all the animals completely stop what they were doing just to howl with him. Alan had no idea what he had been talking about.

Shirou had the Howl.

Michiro and I could only watch in awe. We were born human turned animals so we didnt have the innate instinct to go along with him. It was such an eye-opening experience, so much so that I felt a little empty at not being able to do it. Shirou looked so regal, the urge to fall on my knees in front of him was an encompassing feeling.

Shaking violently at the thought, I had to blow out a long soul-suffering sigh. Michiru glanced with eyebrows in an “are you okay” motion and I could only just nod.

What is going on with me? Where are my thoughts?

I had hoped that thoughts of Shirou would leave. The attention was of us and finally life was, in all intensive purposes, back to normal. Michiru was able to hang out with her fellow friends, and I- was able to start my work in the office.

Except, I could get nothing done.

Shirou was constantly in my peripheral, working on whatever case was in that week. But when he wasnt there, he was in my mind whispering in his growling voice about the things he could do to me.

I was dying.

There would be times where I would stare at a research book, never turning the page, just staring. It was becoming so hectic that Shirou asked if I needed time off.

“I know its been hard for everyone” Shirou had said. He had been in that leather jacket again. Who wears gloves inside? Why was it so hot?

Its not fair.

“What's not fair?” I looked up from his gloved hands and I could feel my heart rate sky rocket in panic.

I said that out loud.

His gaze is so piercing, it felt like he was staring into my soul. He was leaning on my door frame, completely relaxed. His usual bored expression was placed with something that was almost- teasing? Not that couldnt be right.

But it had been the same expression and mood for weeks now. His casual bumps and grins were so much that Ive had to actively avoid him before I had a heart attack. I wasnt in control of my emotions half the time, so any sort of embarrassment would make me change into my animal form. Even through his cold demeanor, it still seemed like he was laughing at me. I'm sure he could tell that I was flustered, especially when he turned into his wolf form. It always made my blood pressure go up and something slick slide down my thighs.

Which is what was happening now.

Oh no.

I prayed that he wouldnt notice anything amiss, but the world wasnt on my side. He lifted his nose up again and sniffed. It was as if he was trying to find someone miles away, but when he finally looked towards me, his pupils were wide open. Alert.

“You never answered my question.”

There was a hitch in my breath at that tone. That growl that Ive been dreaming about for weeks.

I’m so fucked.

“I-i uhm… sorry what?” I could feel myself blinking rapidly. I couldn’t get my thoughts in order. This was getting ridiculous.

“You humans are very odd,” Shirou rose up from the door, and for a moment I felt relief only to freeze when he closed my door.

With him still inside. We’re alone.

“You even more so.”

He walked slowly towards my desk. Well more like prowled. There was intent in his walk.

I’ve never felt more like prey than right now.

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me” He’s whispering now. His gloved fingers gently spread out to the edge of my desk and he leans over it.

He’s so close.

“I smell you all day. Its intoxicating.” One hand lifts up and brushes my cheek, I know he can feel the heat.

“You’re the first human that I have ever wanted”

I froze.

Hes been feeling the same? From his expression and the dropping of at least two octaves, it was definitely confirmed.

“I- uh I want you too” My voice was hoarse from emotion. He could hear it just fine it seemed because if his pupils werent blown out before, they sure were now.

Shirou visibly licked his lips and I couldn’t help but follow the motion. He watched me watch him and he grinned, showing his fangs in satisfaction.

“Good because I plan to devour you. Stand up”

I could barely hear the order due to his growling. His ravenous expression was drowning me. I was swimming in heat and desire.

“I wont ask again”

Shirous’ voice snapped me back into reality and with shaky sweaty palms I pushed my chair away and stood. He never told me to move so I just stayed there. He seemed very pleased that I didn’t move.

Not like I could, I was barely able to breathe.

He stalked slowly around my desk until he was behind me, moving the chair completely across the room. It crashed into a plant and I jumped, still not moving an inch.

I could feel his breath across my nape and goosebumps coursed down my skin. I could feel him smelling my hair, breathing in the sweat that I felt that I was pouring out. I tried to move away, embarrassed, but I could feel his grip tighten and him growl at my into my neck.

“Stay still” He whispered. “You can be a good girl and do that for me right?”

I froze at the pet name. I’ve never heard him call me anything other than my last name. I couldn’t believe how it affected at me. I could feel myself become even more drenched.

He could tell.

“Oh? You like that huh?”

I felt his leathered hands slide slowly underneath my shirt and palm my breast. I gasped, my head falling on his shoulder at the groping. This was getting intense fast. I heard something tearing and tried to glance down only to have one of his hands press lightly at my neck. Holding me still.

Shirou shushed me, keeping his hand curled around my throat. Murmuring something about not needing this or that, I felt fabric fall at my feet and my chest became covered in hot leather. I let out a choked moan, only to have his grip tightened.

“You’re gonna have to be a quiet pup, you don't want all your colleagues to know what you're doing right?” He was so mocking, I couldnt help but feel flustered with how demeaning he sounded.

I nodded knowing I couldnt say anything in this position.

“Thats right, good girl, now go on bend over the desk” He slipped his hands away and disorientation readily slid back into my head.

I laid over my desk, paper be damned, and wrapped my hands over the edge to hold on. I heard him growl in confirmation at the act and I preened at the act of pleasing him.

I’ve never felt this way. I was completely ok with him taking the reigns. I didnt have many braincells left, I could barely think. All I could do was just do.

Shirou hands caressed my ass in appreciation, his ungloved hand (when had that happened?) made a purposeful track up to my waistband, hastily taking them off. I was completely soaked and hearing him swear obscenities definitely didnt help.

“I can’t wait to knot you, pup” I felt his weight against me, his bare chest completely covering my whole body. He was so warm, degrees hotter than his normal, his breath hot on my cheek as he licked my face from chin to forehead.

“The real question is,” he says through licks down my spine. “Which form do I want to take you hm?” I shivered violently at the thought of Shirou taking me in my wolf form. Outside of Anima city it is forbidden to have any of those kind of thoughts. But you couldnt help that you constantly thought about Shirou fucking you in his wolf form.

I could hear his deep chuckle at my spine. He knew my answer.

I felt him nose my wetness and my breath hitches. It didnt last for more than 5 seconds and I could hear myself grown out against the desk.

“I would love to taste you, but unfortunately we dont have that kind of time.” There was a zipping noise and I tensed, gushing even more at the thought of what it could be.

“I would need hours to be satisfied from your taste” He is suddenly in my ear. “But I plan to fuck you like you need it.”

I could hear myself mewling at the thought. I’ve been wanting this for weeks. I cant believe someone like Shirou even wants to touch me. Shirou, cool-mannered and distant, wants to fuck me five ways to Sunday is honeslty an eye opening experience.

There is a clicking sound and I gasped. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didnt feel the fingers. I could feel myself clenching around and my mewling became even louder. Colleagues be damned.

There was an surprised hum from behind me.

“You’ve been touching yourself?” All I could do was nod embarrassed. He cooed sweetly and added 3 fingers inside of me.

“What were you thinking about? Were you thinking of me? Tell me” I gasped in affirmations. I couldnt take it anymore. I needed inside of me now.

I felt like I was going to die.

“P-please Shiro, I need it.”

“You need what pup?” He grinned savagely and I felt something hard and hot against me.

I wiggled in frustration. Only to have him laugh and hold my hips still. Using his strength to make me stay still.

I was going to have bruises.

“Please fuck me Shirou” I whispered into my shoulder. I knew he could hear me. I felt my chest tighten at the gasp and growl.

“Good girl.” I shivered and gasped as he pushed the head in with a savage force of his hips.

“I wont hold back pup” He laid his furry chest against my back “You might be ruined for any one else.”

“I dont want you to Shirou, give me your all”

A growl was heard and then the most intense feeling of my life was radiating through my whole body.

He thrusted so hard that I could hear the desk screeching. The other colleagues, if they were still there, would definitely hear it. I prayed that they weren’t gonna check to see if I was okay. I wouldnt be able to speak anyways. I’m pretty much holding on dear life on the desk. There was no way I was able to explain anything.

Shirou didn’t seem to care either. The constant growling and heavy breathing that was coming from him was telling.

“Youre so tight, I cant believe all of me fit inside of you” He groaned and all I could do was tighten around him, which made him go even faster. There was a crack from the desk, but I ignored it. All I could concentrate on was the heat and his cock bruising my insides.

“Mine mine mine MINE” He stopped abruptly and pulled out. Only to pick me up effortlessly and turn me around, my back hitting the desk.

He entered me again and with that the world was crashing around me. I’d never come so fast in my life. Watching him in his wolf form growl over me as he pounded me into the afterlife, I wasnt gonna last long.

Seemed like he wasnt either, his thrust got more savage and I got louder. He took his right hand and placed it at my throat again to cut off the noise.

“Be quiet while I shove my knot inside you, I need to concentrate” It made me fall again, shivering while he grinded his knot inside me. He came with a roar, tightening his hands on my throat, cutting off my sound.

“Shhhh, good girl, you did so good” He whispered praises to me while he continued to grind himself inside me. He lifted his hand and I gasped dazed.

He looked up at me and caught my disheveled appearance and grinned.

“Dont move, I’m not done.”

I returned the grin.

“Good Shirou, cause neither am I”