#how their daughter would spend her whole life feeling guilty about her parents’ deaths

[catastrxblues]

fuck you oliver lavoy

[ak319]

Unveil

(Gp actress x fem reader)

(Scene # 03)

(your name is Fairoz in the story)

Unveil part 1 Unveil part 2

Fairoz's eyes lingered on the fabrics that were laid out on her bed. The fabrics which were sent as a gift by the Dagons. Not only that but the jewelery as as well. Her aunt , Dilay excitedly displaying the gifts to Fairoz while her ramble about how 'the dresses ould be designed' , 'how beautiful, expensive and refined this embroidery looks' and 'which dress would Fairoz wear on what occasion' remained constant to her neices's ears.

It had been a week since Fairoz had accepted Aman's proposal, but not initially. Yes, the girl had rejected Aman. She just couldn't imagine such a life nor had any interest in marriage, especially if it was with Aman. It would seem unfair to Aman as well. Nevertheless Aman was persistent.

'We can get engaged only.'

'Don't do this to me...'

Words like that which Aman said to her in their second meeting. It was quite embarrassing and almost made Fairoz feel guilty but she reminded herself that it was her choice , why should she feel bad. It's not Aman's life , it's mine. She is not the main character here , I am.

1 week ago

Her pillar of strength after her parents death was her uncle , Usama. How he brought her up , supported her , just like her own father would have done. So when she heard him pleading as if his life dependant on it on the phone with whom she presumed was Aman's father , her walls weakened as well. Her uncle was in a turmoil . The man known for his charisma and outstanding works , was broken .

"Report them, papa. Tell the police. They have no right to--

"Dove, you have no idea, what they can do."

"But even if I accept the proposal, how the hell would I spend my life with her knowing her family threatened you! This isn't right. Ugh! This is making me soo ---" Fairoz slapped her uncle's study table which was followed by a bleak silence.

"How were you even working with such horrendous people, baba?."

Usama sighed and sat on the couch. "I--because I focused on the work, Fairoz. Working with her was bound to happen one day. I never thought that this day would come where she would be asking for---" he paused and gulped "It's my fault, I shouldn't have brought you with me to the set that day." Fairoz leaned off the table and scurried to her uncle's side.

"No, no, don't blame yourself. I wanted to see it remember? And who could ever imagine what is going to happen next---isn't this what we call life. We face tests, fears, predicaments and happiness. These things make up the whole experience of what we call life. Now, putting aside the worry, let's think about a solution." Usama smiled and gently patted the girl's left cheek. She was always so level-headed and strong-willed. His brother would be so happy----if only he was here, maybe he would have protected his daughter better. 'I failed at it....so bad.'

"Looking at the pros, well, Aman really likes you. She would keep you happy....probably. She has left the industry and has a stable life. And cons--" Usama breathed in a sigh "Do I have to explain? Their wealth is their power. I am like any other parent, deeming Aman as untrustworthy to be your life partner. She is stubborn, hot-headed, and--I don't know. " Usama put his head in his hands. All of this was giving him a headache. How can the safety of Fairoz be guaranteed? She was his daughter. He and Dilay were unable to have children and Fairoz fulfilled their dream. No! He has to remain strong for her.

"Papa--I don't think there is any solution for them to leave us alone except that I accept it---right?" They both stared at each other. Usama was trying to convince himself that no there has to be a way other than this.

"If your job is at stake then I wouldn't jeopardize it. You and Mama did so much for me, you both don't deserve it. And I assure you, I would be fine, absolutely fine. She would have no power over me, I won't let her." Her tone was filled with so much conviction and ...reprisal that Usama was speechless. He couldn't even reply before she spoke "You can call and say yes to Aman for me. Now, take a good night's rest and forget all about this. Imagine this never happened and be happy that your daughter is getting married." Giggling she kissed his forehead and left the room. Usama, with his heart full of regret, anger, guilt, and dejection, did what had to be done.

Present time

"I mean yeah, I know---but that is not what I wanted. Wait, hold up. I'll call you later. And you better have a solution when I call you again." After whispering the last part Aman hung up the phone, her eyes stuck to the figure which they were dying to see. It was as if a sudden wave of coolness and placidity had spread over all the nerves and each and every cell in her body. She was in white kameez and trousers, with minimal makeup and accessories. A bag lazily hung on her shoulder which indicated she was coming from her college. Her beautiful and absolutely breathtaking soon-to-be-wife elegantly stood by the door. Her expression is devoid of feelings, the feelings which were felt by Aman at that moment. But that's okay. One day those feelings will be reflected back.

'She will be happy seeing me. She will be happier when she starts her life with me. Her shyness is almost gone, and sadness will be over too. After all, she has no idea how lucky she is yet.'

"Fairoz, always so good to see you." By now Aman hadn't even noticed that instead of inviting Fairoz in , she had walked up to her, near the door. She took the chance to close the door whose handle Fairoz was holding casually and took a deep breath, inhaling her fairy's scent. "So--umm what brings you here? , love. Did you come by yourself? You could have called me---I would have picked you or sent the driver--you

"My uncle also has a driver," Fairoz stated the obvious. Aman scoffed in her mind 'Oh yeah, her uncle exists too.'

"Anyway, come have a seat." Instead of the table, Aman led her to the couch and immediately dialled her PA's number to order some refreshments.

"When I told them I wanted to meet you, they didn't question me. Do they already know?." Fairoz referred to the employees.

"Yeah, of course. I told them the very day, I got the good news." Fairoz nearly gagged at the appearance of red hue on Aman's ears and cheeks. Too much bashfulness for someone who belongs to a family of blackmailers.

"Were you missing me love? I did. I miss you every day, every second. Can't begin to tell you how happy I am to see you here."

"Well , this is going to be normal , I guess , me coming here---everyday." It was as if Aman's ecstasy reached a new high. Really?! Her wife would do that?!

"I am going to work here so might as well get to know the map and people, right? That is why I came here since I was free from college early today." Fairoz plastered her most gentle smile. Meanwhile, Aman blinked in confusion. Work here? Oh....

"Yeah , yeah of course. I would give you a tour."

"Not only the tour, though. You would take my interview and hire me as well. " Fairoz reached into her bag and took out a file. "See, I brought my CV. " Which contained all the digital work as well as some internships Fairoz had done up til now, not to forget extracurricular activities relating to business in her college. "But this is for later--first the tour. I can't wait further. Please."

God , this girl. Where did this demanding behaviour come from though? Was she teasing? Or serious. She looks serious. And cute and....

"Umm--damn. Isn't someone too excited? Isn't it early though? Like interview can be done after marriage."

"Yeah, it can but you know I don't trust anyone so easily. " She put her hand on the side of her face as if she was telling Aman a secret "Also--what if you don't hire me after marriage. People change you know."

Well---that was the plan but this girl---how can Aman say no? Her doe eyes are not made for tears.

'I can't be a villain right now. She already knows about the threats--of course she does--she hasn't discussed them with me which is very odd but if I say no to her---she will hate me more. I don't want my wife to hate me. Dammit , why did father had to do such a vile thing. I would have convinced her through my gifts and charm but no , he has to ruin everything!.'

"Of course , love. As you wish. And you will work here , totally your call. Come on , let's go." Aman took her on a tour and also to her dismay she had to make Fairoz meet other people. She hated every moment when her wife smiled and giggled with someone.

'That is meant for me!'

after that they came back to Aman's office, had some snacks, and in between that, Aman read her CV. She was indeed impressed with her girl. Such a hardworking pookie.

"So , Ms. Fairoz , what is your weakness. Sorry I had to ask this. HAHA!."

"Mhm. Well, weakness can make you stronger if you know how to overcome it, but what good would it do me if I revealed my weakness. Because to oneself weakness is their power but the moment someone else gets to know of it---they use it against you. So I refuse to answer such a stupid question."

"....."

Oh God. Control yourself and your thoughts Aman.

'Fuck, that was hot.'

Clearing her throat , Aman smirked. "Very well , love--

"Uh uh. Ms. Fairoz at the moment , not love. Ma'am."

'Okay, it's okay. Think of something else. God, ma'am. That word just did wonders to my senses. Am I going to be hearing this every day? Fuck, yes. Say it again, baby.'

"Hello?? Ma'am Aman. I think I should go now. You should work too." And before Aman could get out of her daze and stand up to stop her , or say something at least , Fairoz leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"Have a good day at work. Bye."

"......bye..." What is happening? No, no. Wait, her eyes traveled to the contract on the table that Fairoz had just signed. An offer letter.

'What---no that was not I imagined. Why did I do it?! Oh my God. But how could I have said no? Maybe it is good...I mean...what? , I was fucking enjoying every second of it. But still ARGH! That means she won't be a housewife instead she would meet other people. That is disgusting. People are shitheads. No, no. Whatever, I will take care of this later. Let's get back to work right now.'

As a matter of fact. no. After marriage, Fairoz continued to work here and for Aman, it was as if it was a crime to say no to her wife well in some things Fairoz let her have some say. But Aman's lovestruck dumb brain didn't know it was just so Fairoz could let her feel some power and fuel her ego. To give her a sense of authority and shatter it in the next.

For example , fine Aman lets Fairoz go to meet her uncle but that is because Fairoz lets Aman choose the dress after all Fairoz asks in her best sweet voice.

Making Aman invest in her uncle's project, it's okay if Aman does not want to do it. Just go sleep in the guest room then and forget about even interacting with Fairoz because you are going to get ignored for weeks.

Fairoz cooks Aman's favorite dish on the condition that she makes her father apologize to Usama for his harsh words. Pretty lucrative deal for Aman if you ask me. I mean your soulmate's happiness in exchange for such petty requests? Bring them on!

But Aman still doesn't let go of her dark side too. If someone dares to bring a minute disturbance in her wife's life even if she is not aware of it, they get to face Aman. Prepare to get your whole life destroyed. For instance, after it was confirmed that she was married to the niece/daughter of Usama. Yes, people somehow found it out. What else do you expect from no-lifers? There was a mixed reaction. Thankfully there were almost near to zero information about Fairoz online, Usama did a great job at protecting his family's privacy, but still, people had their way of doing things. I mean who can escape from cameras in this age?. Anyway, some limits were crossed and so Aman had to cross some too. Nobody gets to spread goss or even get the right to comment anything near to bad about her wife. You are getting sued, baby. The plus point is that Fairoz doesn't even know about it because she developed a phobia of searching for herself or Aman's on the internet. After all, in her heart she knew she would stumble upon something distasteful so it better to avoid it in the first place, so her mind was in a good place---except for the fact she was now living with Aman. Albeit doing a good job at cooling Aman's controlling nature she was still amazed at her ability to be stubborn at times.

"Come on--baby , please. I would do anything."

"No. I am only 27."

"So? What does---isn't that like a reason to-

"Aman you are talking about a baby, not a go-kart." Aman cuddled Fairoz before she could get up from the couch. "Nah, I am not letting you run away, darling." Her voice made Farioz's whole chest vibrate.

"You are acting like one yourself , I don't think we need another one."

"Noooo----well this baby of yours will raise chaos if you don't give it another friend." Aman pouted and started to pepper kisses on her wife's face.

"Aman--Stop it!"

"I know---I hate babies--but of course, I have to have one. What about my bloodline? I promise to be a good parent. Babyyy---." She whined making Fairoz push her away aggressively.

" Is that supposed to make me feel better? What are the chances of you not hating your own?"

"..........50 , okay how about ..50.85 percent."

"......"

"AMAN!" The couple got startled by none other than Mr. Dogan.

"What utter shame have you brought on our family! Begging your wife? THAT TOO FOR A CHILD? Why do you even need her permission?? I might have not said this before but you really tarnished your ancestors and my name today. Your grandfather would have had a heart attack if he witnessed this now!." The couple stared at him silently. Fairoz spared a single glance at Aman which made the latter shiver more than her father's words, and then left the room stomping.

"SEE! Look how she behaves! And look at you! WOW! Sitting like she didn't just disrespect me just now!."

Aman had enough.

"FATHER! First of all this is a private matter and do I look like I give a damn about what grandfather would have thought?! This is not the 90's! Also---don't ever say anything about my wife like that. You ruined her mood."

'And now I will suffer . She won't feed me with her hands anymore. Life is soo not fair!.'

"I was so close to convincing her! You always ruin my plans! Leave us alone for once! Fizzy! My love!!." And just like that Aman sprinted upstairs leaving her father flabbergasted. What has she become? A woman of power acting like a dog.

'I should have never sided with her on this marriage.'

(AN: Lmao💀, love the turn this story took. Originally started as a dark fic and ended up being a crack and tbh loved writing it. Couldn't have thought of a better ending. Aman's ego really downsized, lol. Yanderes getting reversed uno is what I live to see👍)

[spidernerdsblog]

Heyyyyyy👋

I hope you don’t mind me requesting a peter parker where the reader is in a coma and some girls are hitting on him and asking if he is taken and he said like “yes, I’am just waiting for my princess to wake up” something like that. If you’re comfortable with it ofc.🙂 or just the reader asking him what would he say to the girls who’s hitting on him🥰 thank you in advance💕

Hey! Your ask kinda low-key made me sad but honestly I love it thank you for requesting. Hope you like this. Took a little inspiration from the amazing spiderman 2 where Gwen dies but here the reader goes into a comatose state instead.

Song inspo - Sunflower by post malone

Pairing : Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings : none

You're a Sunflower

It's been three months now as Peter stands in front of his university leaving his high school life behind and stepping into his college life; though this is not exactly how he imagined it would be he had imagined to walk through these gates with you hand in hand by his side. But as fate would have it you now lay in a bed succumbed into an eternal sleep. 

The memory was still fresh in his mind of how Harry clad in his green goblin suit kidnapped you to get his revenge on him though Peter was able to subdue him not before Harry threw you down the building. You reached out your hand to Peter with fear in your eyes for help and even after Peter's desperate attempt to save you by shooting his webs, he couldn’t web you up in time as your body hit the ground with an impact that your humanly body couldn't withstand all he remembers was you looking at him smiling softly before closing your eyes for eternity. 

You were rushed to the hospital and admitted in the critical care unit. Your parents came running after they heard about your accident, Peter couldn’t look in their eyes because it was he for whom their daughter is battling with death. Peter cried and prayed for you the whole night. With a heavy heart the doctors informed that the impact of your fall had directly affected your brain sending you into a coma and they have no idea when or ever are you going to recover from that state. Peter thought it was all a lie, he didn't want to believe that he may have lost you forever. At his request and with your parents' consent Tony shifted you to the Avengers compound so your treatment could be done under better hands and you recover quickly but neither Bruce could provide him with a satisfactory answer of when are you going to come out of your comatose state. The only thing now he could do was wait, wait for you to one day open your eyes and pull him back in your arms, his safe haven, even if he has to wait all his life he will wait. 

He had never wanted you to get involved in his dangerous life and that is why he revealed to you his secret identity to let you know that you both can’t be together. But you had laughed it off and playfully said to him "Haha, I laugh at the face of danger!"

🌻

After his classes were done for the day Peter walks back home stopping by the flower shop to buy flowers for you. It was a part of his daily routine now everyday after college he would bring you sunflowers. They were your favourite flowers because you once said to him they symbolize ‘‘a person who has loved with sincerity and purity never forgets, on the contrary, truly loves until the end’’

And you were his sunflower. You were a ray of sunshine in his life and he always thought that your love was too much for him which he would never be able to reciprocate you back, he was lucky enough to be a part of your life because he doesn’t deserve you. He blames himself for your condition. You were a bubbly person who loved the outdoors, the bustle on the streets, visiting new places and meeting new people. And he wanted to be part of every little adventure in your life but alas he robbed you of your life.

Reaching the compound he goes to visit you in your room. He replaces the dry sunflowers in the vase with the fresh ones he bought for you and sits beside you. You looked so calm and peaceful. It pains him immensely seeing you lying motionless wired to an HRM, the rhythmic beeping of the machine a proof that your heart still beats and all hopes are not lost, not yet. 

He misses your carefree laugh, misses your sweet honey laced voice, your warm smile that could brighten up anyone’s day. He craves for your touch; he wants to feel your soft delicate hands again as you caress his wounds after every time he comes back wounded fighting the bad guys. 

Everyday it's a struggle for him to leave you like this. He wants you to call him back by his name like you used to do every night before he left for patrolling not wanting him to go and risk his life out there.

🌻

It was fresher’s night Peter had already decided to give it a miss and spend time with you but Ned and Flash had forcefully made him tag along which he reluctantly did. The party was at full swing, music booming and drinks flowing. Drunk boys and girls hitting upon each other. Peter was standing at an isolated corner drinking a coke by now a bunch of girls had tried to make a move on him which he had managed to decline politely. He was never the man to indulge in infidelity, he loved you dearly and no one can take your place in his life. You even once had jokingly asked what he would do if you vanish from his life would he move on and he had just placed his hand on your mouth warily asking you to never ever say such a thing again or even think of leaving him.

After sometime one of his classmates Felicia waltzed her way up to him.

‘‘Hey Parker why are you standing here all alone?’’

‘‘No I’m fine-’’ by the time he would stop her she was already dragging him to the dancefloor. She pulled him closer, her back pressed against his chest as she took his hands and placed them on her waist. Peter felt awkward as he gently swayed with her. Soon she began grinding against making Peter feel uncomfortable. He thought whatever was happening wasn’t right he pushed her away from him as she turned around looking at him in shock and confusion.

‘‘I’m sorry I-I can’t’’ He stuttered nervously and rushed out of the room to the ground for some fresh air as he felt suffocated. Seeing the scene Emma Frost, another classmate of his followed him. Though he backed off Peter was still feeling guilty he felt he kind of cheated on you as you lay unconscious, tears pricked his eyes.

‘‘What’s your deal man?’’ Emma asks him from behind startling him.

‘‘Uh.. what?’’ He asks, quickly wiping his tears with his hands.

‘‘I just saw you leaving Felicia on the dance floor. Who does that?! Every guy in the college wants to be with her’’ she snickers

‘‘I’m not every guy. Moreover, I’m not interested’’ he says blandly.

‘‘Are you taken?’’ she looked at him skeptical and his silence gave away the answer.

‘‘Damn! She’s indeed a lucky girl’’ she exclaims ‘‘to have such a loyal boyfriend like you these days is very rare. Can I see one picture of your special one?’’ she asks excitedly to which Peter obliged with a smile as he took out his phone from his back pocket and showed her a picture of yours looking all radiant and happy in a sunflower field just like the flowers which he had clicked when you both went on a small trip.

‘‘Here she is’’

‘‘She is beautiful’’ Emma approves with a smile ‘‘So where is she? Another college or at a totally different country?’’ Peter’s expression fell as sadness took over his features; he took a long sigh before he answered her question.

"She’s at the brink of life and death and I'm just waiting for my princess to wake up"

Feeback and suggestions are always welcome.

..................................................................................

Part 2

Requests are open.

Taglist : @peaches-parker @osterfieldshollandgirl @starcoadrienette2 @spideyth @allthisfortommy @thenoddingbunny-blog @larrystylinson-sus @bloodyscarlet @itstaskeen @dummiesshort @tutuabby28 @dramaholic18 @thehumanistsdiary @majo240820 @heyafellows @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @justafangirlduh @moniffazictress11   @goodgirlgonetom   @lyzalovealk @parkerpeterparker2004 @ladykxxx08 @joselyn001

[actuallysaiyan]

The Day My Baby Gave Me A Surprize-PART I(Naruto Uzumaki x Reader)

Word count: 1,682

Pairings: Naruto Uzumaki x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Fluff, abuse, slight smut, slight violence, pregnancy

Summary: Reader has lived in Konoha her whole life, despite the fact that her parents despise ninjas. She’s led to believe the same, until she meets a certain shinobi who catches her eye...and holds her heart. When she ends up pregnant with his baby, her parents decide to send her away when they find out she’s been seeing a ninja...

A/N: This a new series! It may have one or two more parts, but it could have more if it becomes popular! This is inspired by the song The Day My Baby Gave Me A Surprize by DEVO, which the lyrics always reminded me of a man singing about his pregnant lover who gets sent away but she gets better enough to send him a letter to tell him she’s doing fine...

Your whole life, you’ve been taught to see shinobi as the worst people possible. Your parents told you that they were the kinds of people who brought violence and war upon themselves and others. They weren’t there to defend the weak or fight for justice; they were there to fight people and become cruel assassins and hurt people. They wouldn’t be able to help you in a situation, they would leave you there to die.

For years, you believed your parents. You would see shinobi and think about how unlucky and cruel they were. How they would only bring misfortune and death with them everywhere they went. 

Then, you met someone. A shinobi. He changed your opinion on shinobi forever.

It was just a fleeting crush at first, but as it grew, you found yourself wanting to train and become a kunoichi. You wanted to have the strength and defend others.

Yet, you still had to hide all of this from your parents. It was very tough to do something like this, seeing as even after everything happened in the village and how most of the fighting between the villages seemed to calm down, your parents still couldn’t trust any ninja. They didn’t see the way they truly were. They still saw the old ways.

Your mother, a dressmaker, was way too preoccupied with keeping up with the Jones’ to even think about sending you to the academy when you were a child. She would have died of embarrassment if you had shown any kind of interest in fighting or using genjutsu. 

Your father, the one who owned the dress shop and who came from money, would have told you otherwise if you even dared show interest in ninjutsu or fighting. He would have argued and told you that it was wrong and you would just be cursing the family for generations to come.

But when you met Naruto, everything changed.

You met him at Ichiraku ramen. It was one of your favourite places to go, but you did your best to go there alone when it wasn’t very populated. You knew it was a popular spot for ninjas, so you didn’t want to go when they were frequenting it. You were embarrassed that your parents had these thoughts and you didn’t want to be known as the daughter of the people who hated ninjas in a village full of ninjas.

But Naruto was so different. He was warm, friendly and very cute. You could get lost in his eyes for hours, just listening to him go on and on about his training. He was so charming, you couldn’t help but start to fall in love with him.

Your first kiss was under a tree in the forest, very far away from your home. Naruto knew about your parents, but he still wanted to show you how ninjas were good people. He loved you and didn’t want to let you go.

You and Naruto fell for each other very fast. It was so quick and so passionate. You had to meet up at odd times of the day in very secluded places, but you’d never trade these dates for anything. Naruto would show you different fighting techniques and would try to train you as best as he could, although you didn’t even know the first thing about being a ninja.

Naruto was a bit of a hothead, but he had so much patience for you. He would praise you to no end, and would always be very supportive. Most of your time would be spent either training, or it would be spent making out and enjoying your short time together. You barely had enough time to do both things. Oftentimes, you would have to run home in the middle of a training session without giving him a single kiss. It was getting harder and harder to meet up, but you couldn’t stop. Your heart wouldn’t let you give up on Naruto…

The days would go by in a blur. You’d spend most of your time with Naruto when your parents didn’t think too much of it. They would ask you from time to time what you were doing at the odd times of the night, but you would just tell them you were going for walks to clear your head. They bought every excuse you gave them, not thinking you would ever dare fraternize with a ninja.

Little did they know, you were head over heels in love with Naruto. You often fantasized about telling your parents that you were going to marry him and that he was going to be there for you forever and that they would have to just deal with it. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hide it from them, but you didn’t care if you got caught anymore.

One night, you snuck out of your room and made your way towards Naruto’s place. You had been planning this outing for a little while, and you knew it had to go perfectly. You were going to show Naruto exactly how much he meant to you, and there was only one way to truly show him that.

Naruto was very surprised when he saw you at the door. He was half-asleep but very happy to invite you in. You were dressed up in one of the dresses your mother made for you, which made you feel a little guilty about the whole situation.

“What are you doing here this late, y/n? Not that I’m unhappy to see you, because I’m very happily surprised, dattebayo!” Naruto asked.

“I needed to see you. I love you Naruto, and I’m tired of having to hide this from everyone,” you pushed him up against the wall and kissed him heatedly. Naruto chuckled nervously when you pulled away.

“I love you too, y/n.” he looked deeply into your eyes, seeing the love and understanding exactly what was happening.

He was gentle and loving while he undressed you, watching your body as you climbed onto his bed and gave him a sultry pout. Naruto put your pleasure first as he made love to you, making sure you wouldn’t cry or feel discomfort. You loved him and kissed him and as the night ended, you found yourself falling asleep in his arms.

The next day, you felt different. You didn’t care about your parents finding out, yet you couldn’t help but think about how it would hurt them to find out that you were with a shinobi. So you tiptoed out of Naruto’s place and you decided you would give it some time before you saw him again…

Until you found out your period was late. You were cursing yourself in the bathroom, hoping your parents wouldn’t hear you crying and swearing. You needed to go see a doctor without arousing your parents' suspicion.

Unfortunately for you, one of your mother’s friends saw you at the doctor’s office. She couldn’t help herself and stuck her nose in your business, spying on you as you sat on the exam table. Tears streamed down your cheeks as the doctor told you the news…

You were a month pregnant, incidentally, that was the amount of time you had spent away from Naruto. There was no question about it, Naruto had gotten you pregnant. That night had been filled with so much love and passion that you both had forgotten to protect against this kind of situation. You wanted to do something about it, but the doctor told you to wait on it and talk to the father before making any rash decisions.

Even worse was the fact that your parents had been told by their friend about what they witnessed at the doctor’s office. Your father was furious but your mother couldn’t stop crying. It wasn’t like you were a child anymore, but you weren’t in any position to raise a child on your own.

“Who is the father?” your mother asked through her tears.

You didn’t want to say. You feared that they would take you away from Naruto, or even worse, that your father would pay someone to hunt him down or something along those lines. Your father was yelling at you, but you didn’t tell them who it was.

“It was probably those scum of the earth shinobi! Were you raped and this is why you won’t say who the father is? Is it because you don’t know who it is?” Your father barked, and your mother howled at the idea of you being raped.

“I wasn’t raped! Shinobi aren’t bad people, dad. They are good people, just like anybody else. They’ve got their faults, but…” you barely could finish what you were saying before your father slapped you across the face.

“I knew she was sneaking off to see a ninja. This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t have been so lenient with her!” Your father yelled at your mother, but she didn’t want to hear this.

The next few days were filled with your parents making arrangements to send you away. They had heard from a friend of a friend that in the Hidden Sand Village, there was a woman who would take care of your little problem. She could make everything better.

In the dark of the night, they sent you off with two escorts. You could barely understand why you were letting this happen, yet you were so weak. You felt like you didn’t have any more fight left in you. If only you had trained more with Naruto, you could have defended yourself against your father.

But now, you were being shipped off to someone in the Sand Village. You didn’t even know how this was legal. Leave it to your parents to find a way to send you away and to just sweep all these problems under the rug.

Your heart ached for Naruto. You didn’t want to stay away from him for a whole month, and now you wouldn’t even be able to tell him that you loved him...or that you were carrying his baby.

[hafanforever]

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

In Frozen, we see that Elsa occasionally displays a nervous habit of holding herself by placing her hands on her elbows and positioning them inward towards her. Most of the time, she creates ice and snow from her hands, especially when she extends them out in front of her. The appearance of Elsa’s creations relate to her emotions, and she has trouble maintaining control of her magic whenever she feels scared, angry, panicky, or any other strong negative emotion(s). So whenever she experiences said emotions, Elsa assumes this posture to reduce the chances of releasing ice unintentionally or accidentally, and subsequently losing total control of her magic.

But the other major reason why Elsa holds herself is that it has become a gesture of comforting herself of sorts, one that no one else could do. If you remember, when she is 12, Elsa is still struggling to control her powers, especially when her negative emotions run rampant. When Agnarr tries to reach towards and comfort his terrified daughter, Elsa pulls away, refusing to be touched. By now, Elsa has become deathly scared that she might gravely harm or kill anyone who comes in contact with her, with her biggest concerns being aimed towards her family. Unable to bear the thought of harming them due to the instability of her magic through her anxiety and fear, Elsa refuses to let her father touch or hug her. This scene is so heartbreaking because Elsa clearly needs a hug here, but to her, it’s no longer an option. 

By the time she is 18, Elsa has completely banned herself from having any physical contact with her sister and parents. Before Agnarr and Iduna leave for their trip, all Elsa does to bid them goodbye is curtsy. No physical contact is initiated between either party. After the couples’ death and funeral, Elsa is seen alone in her room, which is frozen with ice and snowflakes hang in the air, suspended by her grief. 

Although it’s short, this is the first moment in the film where Elsa displays the posture of holding herself. This scene subtly reveals that when she holds herself, she is actually “hugging” herself as a means of comfort in her time of mourning. Since Elsa no longer allows anyone to hug or affectionately touch her to ease her when she feels sad, worried, anxious, or scared, “hugging” herself is the only option she has left.

The second scene, but the first major one, in which Elsa holds herself is after she tells Anna “Then leave”, and she continues to do it when she walks away and says, “Enough, Anna!”, while Anna badgers Elsa with questions about why she coldly closes herself off from her (Anna) and the rest of the world. Anna’s nonstop persistence of questioning her sister culminates with Elsa’s agitation reaching its tipping point when she unleashes a barrier of ice spikes from her hand upon turning around and shouting, “I said, ENOUGH!”

Immediately before all of this happens, Elsa orders the gates to be closed, and Anna objects by following Elsa, grabbing one of her gloves (though she was actually trying to take Elsa by the hand instead), and desperately pleading for Elsa to realize that she (Anna) can no longer live her life being cut off from the people of Arendelle and the rest of the world. Elsa assumes this posture because she is growing agitated by Anna’s demanding persistence of her distant behavior. This scene shows perfectly that Elsa has trouble maintaining control of her powers when experiencing negative emotions, and especially so when Anna is around to spur them. Elsa doesn’t want things to get out of hand (no pun intended, of course! 😆😝) and attract unwanted attention, so she tries to walk away and keep her hands closed in to prevent any magic from being let loose...which is ultimately unsuccessful by the end of this scene.

Then later, after Elsa runs away following her secret being exposed, Anna comes to find her sister at the ice palace. Although both girls are initially delighted to see each other, after Anna says they can be close again like they were as children, Elsa becomes consumed by anxiety and fear because she cannot forget the horrible childhood memory of when she nearly killed Anna. Like the earlier scene, Elsa wants to avoid taking a chance of losing control of herself and making dangerous ice, so while saying they cannot be close again, Elsa assumes her posture as she attempts to bid Anna goodbye and walk away from her.

After throwing Anna, Olaf, and Kristoff out of her palace, Elsa’s fear intensifies because she has learned of the fate she has brought upon Arendelle. Not only does she briefly fold her arms inward and hold herself again, but she paces back and forth around her palace while telling herself “Control it” and “Don’t feel.”

In the six years since Frozen came out, we had the shorts Frozen Fever and Olaf’s Frozen Adventure take place after it. Both films depict Elsa being happier and much more confident in herself, her magic, and in her role as the queen of Arendelle. So perhaps some fans thought that by the time that Frozen II takes place, which is three years after Frozen, Elsa would be so happy and confident that we would never see the habit of her holding herself again.

But no, that does not happen; Elsa resumes this posture a few times in Frozen II. Seeing her do it in this film made me realize a few other reasons of why she does it in the original film that I didn’t realize when I first saw it years ago.

Elsa is first seen with this posture when she finally tells Anna about the voice, which is immediately after the people of Arendelle have been evacuated from the kingdom. Then she does it a couple more times when she and Anna discover the wreck of their parents’ ship and how they died.

The fact that Elsa holds herself in these scenes tell me that, despite the obvious progress she has made about herself since the end of Frozen, like the one song says, some things have not changed. Elsa still exhibits this habit because she has been doing it for years; 13 years, in fact. Doing any nervous habit like this for such a length of time is EXTREMELY hard to break. At the end of the first movie, Elsa was only just BEGINNING to gain confidence in herself because she realized that love is the key to controlling her powers, and her people have accepted her once they see the good things she can do with them. But these sudden changes, no matter how optimistic they would be, would NOT make Elsa instantly gain confidence and think nothing but positivity about herself and her magic. When you spend so many years thinking pessimistically about yourself, it can take many more years to be completely convinced to think just the opposite. Lots of positive reinforcement is always a good start, but it is easy to slip up and fall back into bad habits, and Elsa proves this by resuming the posture in the aforementioned scene.

So even after three years, Elsa has not grown confident and happy enough to change her old ways.

Two realizations I had about Elsa assuming this posture in the original film is that it emphasizes her having feelings of guilt (in which she takes any and all blame on herself) and reluctance. These feelings are further stressed during the scenes in Frozen II because Elsa barely makes eye contact with Anna. In the scene following Arendelle’s evacuation, Elsa’s posture and avoidance of looking at Anna implies that she is feeling guilty, not just about not mentioning the voice sooner, but also about having wakened the spirits and forced the citizens to evacuate after Arendelle’s elements were disrupted. Her actions also shows that Elsa is still very reluctant to open up about her feelings and admit things to Anna, especially anything secretive, anything that bothers her. This makes a lot of sense to me since Elsa spent more than a decade being taught to conceal her emotions and feelings in order to control her magic. Guilt was another negative emotion Elsa had felt for years and struggled to control, especially after Anna’s accident. And now, as the sole ruler of Arendelle, Elsa carries the weight of the kingdom on her shoulders. She assumes the responsibility of the safety and well-being of her people. When she causes problems or misfortunes in Arendelle that affects many, if not all, of its citizens, Elsa either carries large amounts of guilt and blames herself for them or feels tremendous amounts of worry and anxiety about how to resolve them. She is VERY hard on herself, and like her posture, shedding strong feelings like guilt and learning to not take all of the blame are not things that Elsa would be able to do in a snap.

So again, even after three years, being more optimistic, less guilty, and open about her feelings are things that are not particularly easy for Elsa to do.

For the entire scene with their parents’ shipwreck, Elsa holds herself when she and Anna watch the water memory of Agnarr and Iduna’s final moments, when she heartbrokenly walks away and assumes responsibility for their deaths, and then finally after she sends Anna and Olaf away in the ice canoe. 

Like earlier, Elsa does her posture while and after watching her parents’ final moments. She realizes that Agnarr and Iduna died while they were searching for answers about her powers, and so she guiltily pins herself as the sole cause for their deaths. When Anna tries to get Elsa to see that it is not her fault at all, Elsa again (initially) refuses to make eye contact with her sister as part of her guilt. Again, Elsa’s guilt is emphasized here like the earlier scene because she assumes responsibility for the well-being of her family just like she does with her kingdom. Anything her family members do that relate to her makes Elsa believe that she holds all the responsibility for their decisions, and this is why she believes she alone is the reason her parents are dead. This is perhaps the only moment in the whole film where Elsa reverts back to her old beliefs that her powers make her a danger, burden, and curse to her family and the world. Although Elsa begins to regain her faith when Anna says that Elsa is a gift because of their mother’s good deed of rescuing their father and that she (Anna) believes in her (Elsa) to free the forest and save Arendelle, it would be Elsa’s eventual discovery of her purpose as the fifth spirit that would make her gain ultimate confidence in and acceptance of herself and her powers. 😉😊

The last moment in the film that shows Elsa holding herself is when she sends Anna and Olaf away in the ice canoe. Before this moment, Anna insists on coming with Elsa to Ahtohallan to keep Elsa safe, to keep her from dying. But Elsa adamantly refuses to let Anna come, knowing that they would both perish trying to cross the Dark Sea. After saying she can’t lose Anna and hugging her, Elsa creates the boat and watches Anna and Olaf slide away down the bank until they are out of sight. Now Elsa’s face in this moment shows that she does feel guilty and unhappy what she did, but she had to do it anyway. As I said here, Anna could not come with Elsa to Ahtohallan because the perils of the Dark Sea could have killed them both, and then they would have been unable to complete their mission. For now, Elsa may have broken her promise that she and Anna would do their mission together. But even though they weren’t physically together the whole time, they did do it together. So in the end, Elsa still kept her promise.

But these two scenes aren’t the only times since the original film that Elsa has exhibited these actions to show her guilt about something. In Frozen Fever, when Anna holds the sick, weak Elsa as they walk back to the castle together, Elsa folds her arms in and doesn’t look Anna in the eye as she apologizes for her belief that she ruined her sister’s birthday.

Like I said before, some things did not change between Frozen and Frozen II, and these are two things that Elsa did not change about herself following 13 years of repression and isolation to three years of no longer hiding from the world.

The other realization I had about Elsa’s posture, particularly with these two scenes in Frozen II and the scene in Frozen Fever, is that it is a clear sign of her introversion, and so is her reluctance to make eye contact with Anna. These are things to which I can strongly relate because I am also an introvert. We introverts do not always like to be open about our feelings, particularly whenever something is bothering us. It’s only after encouragement from the people to whom we are the closest, be it family members, friends, or both, that we are more willing to be honest and less reluctant about our feelings, and share them rather than hide them.

By the end of Frozen II, and I can’t stress this enough, Elsa finally knows exactly who and what she is, has discovered her true calling in life is, and knows why she has magic. And by finally having all of the answers to what she has wanted to know all of her life, Elsa can definitely change her actions of holding herself and not making eye contact when feeling guilty, as well as learning to be less reluctant to hide her feelings and admit them. Like any habit that is practiced for years, changing them would be a gradual practice for her, not instant. But I have every confidence in my girl that she can do it. 😁😄❤️

[supernatural-jackles]

The Man on the Side of the Road - Part 13

Title: The Man on the Side of the Road - Part 13

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 3,834

Warnings: High Stress Levels, Mentions of the readers shitty Mom, FLUFF, All around cuteness! 

Summary: Driving down the road, going well over the speed limit. You come across a man walking in the opposite direction with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His head cast down as he walked. Your gut instinct is telling you to check on this man, no matter what your parents told you growing up. Little did you know just how much this would change your life.

The Man on the Side of the Road - Masterlist

A/N: Three parts left after this one! I hope y’all enjoy this part! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! Happy Reading!! 

Your head was pounding. Your vision was starting to blur and everything looked the same. You felt like you had been awake for forty eight hours. Your stomach was in knots, your chest was tight. You were beyond exhausted.

 Finals were going to be the absolute death of you.

 You buried your face in your hands, trying your hardest to clear your eyes and make them see one thing instead of eight. You had been at this for hours and nothing was sticking. You needed to pass this final. It was the most important one and you needed a seventy five in order to advance to the class you were taking next semester. You needed to learn the next twenty definitions and the process of seven more things and you literally had no idea how you were going to pull this off.

 “Knock knock,” Dean called out from behind your door. You took a deep breath, trying to compose yourself.

 “Come in,” you called out, trying your hardest to sound okay. Your bedroom door opened and Dean walked in. He was wearing his new pyjama pants that Sam had sent him as an early Christmas present. They had presents scattered all over them, and quite frankly they looked cute on him.

 “Hey you,” he greeted you. “Still studying?”

 “More like dying,” you sighed.

 “Nothing’s sticking huh?” he frowned, taking a seat at the end of your bed, giving you a bit of space.

 “Nope,” you shook your head. “I am not going to pass this final at this rate. I’m stressed out, exhausted and all I want to do is sleep for ten years.”

 “Don’t say that, sweetheart. You just need a break,” he suggested. “Why don’t we go make some dinner and pie. I did the groceries so we’ve got some food in the house. I can make you one of my dad’s recipes and after we can make your grandma’s homemade apple pie recipe.”

 “What are we going to make for dinner?” you smiled. “Mac and cheese? Winchester surprise?”

 “I was thinking I could make your favourite chicken with some mac and cheese,” he said with a smirk.

 “You know I can’t resist that,” you squinted at him.

 “I know. That’s why I’m making it. You gotta come out of this room and you’ve gotta eat something that’s not dried cereal or leftover beef jerky from our road trip nearly two months ago.”

 “You’re making me sound like I have a problem,” you giggled.

  “You do. It’s called being overworked,” he chuckled. “Kitchen. Now. Then I need you to watch a short movie with me. Give yourself a break. After that, we can kiss a little and I will help you study for however long tonight,” he declared proudly, looking at you with a sweet smile

 “Okay. We’ll go with your plan, chief,” you said with a weak smile. “You win this time. You had me at kissing you.”

 “Let’s go.”

 The second you got to the kitchen, you felt guilty for not having your books in front of you. The worry of not passing this final was really starting to get to you. You knew Dean was right; that you needed a study break because nothing was going to stick if you kept trying to cram it in. He offered to help you later, and you prayed to god that it would stick in better.

 Dean had the pasta noodles on, and the chicken already in the oven, like he was planning this all along. All that was left was to grate the cheese, and he was already halfway done. You just got to sit there, and watch him do what he did best.

 “When I was little,” you started, glancing up at Dean, “my mom tried to teach me how to bake. Red velvet cookies were what I wanted to make because I saw a picture in a recipe book one day. So she found one that would work and picked out an afternoon to do so. I thought it was going to be fun. You know, spending time with my mom, just the two of us. But I accidentally dropped an egg on the floor, and of course it broke. My mom was furious with me and sent me to my room for destroying her good kitchen floor. All because the egg slipped out of my hand and fell.”

 “That is terrible,” Dean frowned. “Accidents happen all the time.”

 “It was,” you nodded. “She came into my room hours later with a single cookie for me to eat. It was the first time I looked at something and felt like I didn’t deserve it.”

 “Why are you telling me this?” He asked, turning to face you.

 “Because I feel like I don’t deserve you sometimes. Especially on days like today when I’m cranky as hell, and not so fun to be around. You’re here making sure I eat and don’t overwork myself, and I don’t deserve to have someone as great as you in my life.”

 “Yeah you do,” he argued with a smile playing on his lips. “You deserve to have someone looking out for you, Y/N. You do the same for me.”

 “Well, I’m glad I’ve got you,” you smiled.

 “Likewise,” he smiled softly. “When I was growing up, my dad was the one who taught me how to cook. He told me it was a valuable life skill that I would need one day. I was always taught that it wasn’t just a woman’s job to cook for the family. I don’t remember a whole lot of my parents together. I was four when she died. But what I do remember is that they were happy together, and I wanted to have that one day.”

 “Do you still want that?” you asked him.

 “Yeah,” he nodded. “I’ve got you. I know my parents loved each other. Even if I remember them arguing, and such. I asked my dad about her from time to time, and he always talked about her with that same look on his face that he had when he saw her. Their love was something real. That’s what I want.”

 “The real thing,” you teased. “Growing up, my dad was my best friend. He had this big office in our house that no one was allowed in but me. He had a chair in there for me, and a computer there for me to do work at one end of his desk. It was our space that my mom couldn’t enter. It was a safe place for me. His Sunday’s were spent playing golf, away from my mom. Those were supposed to be the days I spent with her but she never wanted to. She had her girlfriends over for drinks and I’d be shoved into my bedroom, away from everyone and everything. My parents never spent any time together when I was growing up. My dad travelled during the week for work. I spent Saturdays with him. The more I think about it now, I wonder why they waited until I was twelve to get divorced. They were never happy together.”

 “That’s not fair to you,” he commented.

 “No it’s not. It’s like some sort of arrangement for them, I think,” you agreed. “You want what your parents had, and I want anything but what my parents have. How strange is that?”

 “Have you ever gotten along with your mom?” Dean questioned as he poured the cheese into the noodles. “I know Ketch said to you at the diner that night that your mom loved him more than she did you. Is that true?”

 “Unfortunately yes,” you shrugged. “And for the longest time, that was so hard for me. I mean, my mom loved my boyfriend more than she loved me, and I was her daughter. God, my mom was more excited when she found out I was going out with Ketch than I was. Sure, his family is the richest, and their house is a million times bigger than this. Ketch literally doesn’t need a college degree for crying out loud. It’s not like we ever struggled with money. I mean my dad still makes amazing money and he bought this house for me so I wouldn’t have to stay with my mom while I went to school.”

 “He’s got connections to everything and your mom liked that huh?”

 “It made her look good. It was good for the parties and for all the people at the country clubs. It’s like he’s fucking royalty or something,” you scoffed. “My mom didn’t want me to go to college at first, actually. That’s one of the reasons why I’m so late in graduating. I fought hard to go, and she would only let me go as far as here. My dad fought for me. He knew I wanted my own life. My mom was determined. A girl like me shouldn’t have to work hard for one. The job at the hospital was hard enough work. At one point, she even told me I wasn’t smart enough to get in, which was untrue. It’s just not me. I can’t just sit somewhere and have everything done for me. I’ve never been that way, even if my mom tried to raise me that way. It wasn’t right. I think she thought that Ketch was going to turn me into someone that she’d approve of. A housewife. Someone like her.”

 “I could never see you sitting back and doing nothing,” he chuckled. “You work harder than a lot of people.”

 “Thanks, Dean,” you grinned. “I’m at the point where I’m trying not to care about her. I don’t answer my mom’s texts anymore. Her calls are ignored. I’m done dealing with it all. All it ever does is upset me and I’m tired of putting myself in that position. I gotta move past it all.”

 “Good for you, sweetheart,” he nudged your shoulder. “You graduate in June right?”

 “Maybe! If I pass this final and all my classes next semester, then yes,” you let out a dry laugh.

 “You will,” he reassured you. “You’ll get home tomorrow feeling relieved that it’s over with and that you aced it. I’ll pick up some pizza and beer on the way home, and we’ll celebrate.”

 “And I can pick the movie?” you asked with a wide smile.

 “‘Course you can,” he winked.

 You and Dean ate dinner with a constant flow of conversation. For the first time all day, you felt relaxed, and you knew that was going to do your brain some good. When you were to go back to studying, there was a good chance you were going to retain more than you could before.

 Dean was the first one to finish, and he instantly started on the dishes. You couldn’t help but watch him as he worked. His muscles flexed beneath his shirt every so often. It had been a whole two months since you had slept with him that night, and the morning after. Your feelings had only grown stronger for him. You were taking it slow, enjoying the ride as you went on. Since you already lived together, you kept the sleepovers until Friday and Saturday nights. You didn’t want to rush this and ruin things.  You wanted to still have that friendship between you. It was the most important thing to you.

 You were slowly but surely moving past the whole, not good enough for him thing. There were still days when you felt like you weren’t good enough for him, and that was normal. Most of the time, he was the one who made you feel like you were. He was always making sure you knew that you were doing good, especially in the moments when you felt like you weren’t. There wasn’t a single doubt in your mind that you weren’t head over heels for him. This had the potential to become what his parents had. This had the potential to be something amazing.

 You got up from the counter, placing your utensils in the sink and your plate on top of his. You reached for the towel, taking the first mug out of the sink, drying it off. Dean gave you a soft smile before returning back to what he was doing. Your heart began to race in your chest.

 You wondered exactly what was going through his mind. If he was thinking about dinner, or anything else in specific. You wondered if he looked at you and thought the same thing you did when you looked at him. If he thought you were beautiful. If he thought he was lucky to have someone like you in his life. It was the little things.  

 There was a part of you that wanted to tell him that you loved him. You knew it wouldn’t be the worst thing to say, especially with how long he had been in your life. But at the same time, you were always the one who expressed how you felt first and that never worked out for you in the end. It was fear this time around. You didn’t want to push it so far only to have it crash and burn in the end. Dean was all you had at this point. You could wait. You could wait a lifetime for him. He was worth it.

 “Pie time?” he chuckled, pulling the apples out of the fridge. A few weeks ago, you had decided to go apple picking one Sunday. He remembered the day you met him that you mentioned something about your grandma’s recipe needing fresh autumn apples. He thought it would be a good date idea for the two of you and it was. It was one of the memories you think about that makes you smile.

 “Pie time,” you nodded.

 You opened up the cupboard, grabbing your book of recipes. Dean was already pulling out everything you needed from the fridge. You stifled your laugh, knowing just how excited he was for this. Quite frankly you were too. He was like a kid when he was excited and you loved that about him.

 He peeled and cut the apples while you made the pie crust. You worked side by side, bumping into one another a few times while you worked. You tried your hardest to focus on the pie in front of you, but when he stood so close, you couldn’t help but look over.

 “You’re cute,” he muttered, taking a slice of apple, bringing it up to his lips.

 “You’re cute,” you smiled, taking a bit of flour before flicking him. The white dust covering part of his shirt and his cheeks.

 “You’re going to pay for that,” he threatened with a laugh, placing his hand in the flour before rubbing your face. “Much better.”

 “Dean!” you shrieked, letting out a laugh. You smirked, inching closer to him, wiping your cheek on his shirt. He gasped, laughing in the process. “Okay, I actually have to finish this if you want to eat this tonight.”

 “Fine,” he grumbled, flicking you once more before getting back to work.

 You managed to get everything ready within half an hour. Dean added a lot of apples into the pie, and extra cinnamon. You smiled when he helped you with the top of the pie, patting it down with you. Your hands brushing against one anothers every so often. He took it when it was done, and put it in the oven for you. You were really looking forward to tasting it after this.

 His hands made their way to your hips, backing you up to the opposite counter until you hit it. He lifted you up quickly, his body settling between your legs before his lips were on yours. His kisses started off slow and soft; chaste. Moving in a perfect sync with yours as his large hands travelled over the length of your back. You melted against him, allowing yourself to enjoy being with him like this. It was really nice to have a boyfriend that wanted to kiss you the way he did on a constant basis.

 “You want to watch a movie, or a few episodes of Dr Sexy? You’re nearly caught up,” he pointed out as he placed a slice of pie on your plate. “Fuck, this pie is amazing.”

 “Dr Sexy!” you stated. “Gotta see if Dr Sexy and Dr Tara get together. I’m glad you like the pie.”

 “I love how into this show you are,” he let out a laugh.

 “This is your fault,” you side eyed him. “I wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for you.”

 “Hey, this is on you too. I had no idea you had a medical kink,” he winked.

 “So do you, Winchester,” you teased. “You and I both know if I dressed as a nurse, you’d have a field day.”

 “There is no denying that,” he shrugged. “You’d make such a hot nurse.”

 Dean pulled it up on the tv as you sat down in your designated spot. Right next to Dean. It was one of your favourite parts of movie nights. He’d always end up playing with your hair while the movie ended, and you soaked up every second of the attention he was giving you.

 “Can I ask you something?” Dean asked about halfway through the episode.

 “You just did,” you turned to face him with a wide smile. “What’s up?”

 “What’s the plan after you graduate?”

 “Honestly, I’m not entirely sure yet,” you answered. “I have lots of options, and I think that’s what matters the most.”

 “Which one sounds the best?” he questioned.

 “Teacher’s college,” you breathed out. “The one my mom would hate the most.”

 “For that reason?”

 “That’s a bonus,” you chuckled. “But I think I could make a good career as a teacher.”

 “My mom was a kindergarten teacher,” he revealed, giving you a soft smile. “I think that would be an amazing career path for you. You know I’ll support you in anything you want to do.”

 “Thank you,” you smiled. “I have to apply at the end of January, so I still have time. But it’s definitely something I’ve thought about for a little while now.”

 “You’re good at helping people. I’ve learned so many things from you,” he added. “You’d make an amazing teacher.”

 The episode finished, and you needed to get back to studying. You couldn’t relax any longer. You needed to get these last few things down before you could go to bed. You flopped down on your bed, opening up your notebook. Dean was in not long after you with two mugs of peppermint tea. You knew that there was nowhere he’d rather be than here with you, making sure you got this material down.

 It was around midnight when you packed it all up and crawled into bed. Your eyes were drooping, and words started to blend together. You studied the best you could and you felt a million times better than you did earlier. Dean helped you get down the last eighteen definitions and you had memorized the processes you needed to. You have this final in the bag.

 Dean left your room to go lock up the house, something he did nightly for you. You flicked your side light off before curling into your pillow. A few moments later, you felt your bed shift, the comforter moving just a little, before the bed dipped next to you. Dean was sleeping next to you tonight.

 “Gonna sleep with you tonight,” he whispered, linking his pinky with yours.

 “Good,” you muttered. “Night handsome.”

 “Night sweetheart,” he mumbled, reaching over to place a kiss to your forehead.

                                  ------------------------------------

 You walked through the front door with a smile playing on your lips. Friday were the best days. The start of the weekend. The best damn part of the week. You kicked your shoes off, heading straight for the kitchen with your bag in hand. You couldn’t wait to start the weekend off right with the man you loved. 

 “I’m home!” you called out.

 “Hey beautiful,” a familiar voice filled your ears. Your smile only grew wider. Your eyes glanced over to the counter where he stood. The sleeves of his flannel shirt rolled up to his elbows, revealing his strong, toned forearms that drove you crazy.

 “Hey sexy,” you winked at him. “How was your day?”

 “Great. Bobby gave me a raise today,” he revealed. “He said I had been working really hard the last few months and it’s paying off.”

 “Dean! That’s amazing,” you grinned widely, dropping your bag to the ground. You circled the counter quickly, reaching Dean in an instant. You stood on your tiptoes, your lips crashing to his, kissing him hard as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. “I’m so proud of you!”

 “Couldn’t have done it without you,” he smiled, licking his bottom lip. “You’re my rock.”

 “And you’re mine,” you whispered, reaching up to kiss him once more.

 “How was your day, sweetheart?” he asked, tugging you in close to him.

 “Good. No tears today. No parents to call. And it’s Friday,” you chuckled. “Today’s a good day.”

 “How’s our baby girl?” he questioned. His right hand slipped from the small of your back to your growing bump.

 “Why don’t you ask her?”

 Dean kneeled down to your stomach, pressing his lips to the bump. His hand held either side of your stomach. It had to be the best thing you had seen and he did it over and over again. She already had her daddy wrapped around her tiny little finger. She was going to be a daddy’s girl for sure. This was exactly what you wanted.

 “Hey baby girl,” he said softly. “You being good for your mom in there? Not kicking her insides too much?”

 “Not today,” you whispered.

 “I love you, peanut,” he muttered, pressing another kiss to your stomach. “And I love you, sweetheart.”

 “Not as much as we love you,” you smiled.

---------------

 You shot right up, your eyes opening widely. Your heart was pounding in your chest. You swallowed hard, realizing that it was just a dream and it was the middle of the night. Dean was still fast asleep, facing your direction.

 For a moment, it actually felt real. It actually felt like you and Dean were going to end up together, and you were having a baby together. It actually looked like life was looking good for the two of you. God, the way he kissed your stomach. Ugh, and the way he kissed you. It was everything you wanted and more. It was everything you wanted with the person you loved.

 “You okay?” Dean breathed out, shifting a little. He never even opened his eyes.

 “Yeah,” you whispered.

 “Bad dream?” He asked you, popping one eye open.

 “No. Good dream. Best dream I’ve had in awhile. I’m just sad it came to an end,” you admitted.

 “Dr Sexy?”

 “Something better,” you rolled your eyes. “I’ll tell you some other time.”

 “What if you forget?” He cocked his eyebrow with his one eye still open.

 “Trust me. I will never forget this dream.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you like it? What was your favourite part? Share your thoughts with me via reblog, reply or send me an ask! Your response is what keeps me sharing stories like this! 

[suthing]

I was listening this song while writing this, If anyone wants to add some vibe, here you go.

Angstpril, day 24 - goodbyes

A gorgeous sunset slowly showed itself on the horizon, painting whole Republic City in various splendid colors. A young women walked trough the port in calm steps, between the ocean waves relaxing sounds. Port was nearly empty due the last hours of the day. Black haired young women heard a familiar voice in the gates.

"Lin!",voice said.

She tilted her head towards the voice.

"What do you wanna say, Kya?" she asked her old friend. Lately, their relationship wasn't really nice. Other young women can remember what she said to her friend couple days ago. Lin's temper always remained same since her childhood but after some unlikely events, she's been angry towards everyone, especially herself. Kya knew this fact more than anyone. Despite knowing this fact, Kya can admit, she's been pushing her too much in their last conversation. Which ended with a huge fight. She was feeling awfully guilty and knew that, she can't leave before she can apologize.

"I have to say you something." she finally said.

"Well, I'm listening." Women in front of her could understand her impatience in her tone. She slowly crossed her arms and turned her body fully towards to her, showing that she was ready to listen.

"I-" she started. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't yell at you like that." she said, apologetically. Lin only signed to this sentence of her.

"We're still friends right?" she asked but she almost sounded like a plea.

"Yeah, we are." Kya couldn't read what she meant or what's going on her mind.

Couple minutes of silence went between them for a while. Lin faced to the ocean and listen it's waves then signed again.

"I'm going to the Fire Nation, Ember Island with Hina" she said. Black haired women turned to her friend next to her, surprised a little. She knew relationship between Kya and her girlfriend pretty nice and very ungoing but Lin didn't knew It's better that even they take some vacation togather. She slowly turned her gaze back to the ocean.

"So that's why you apologized." Lin said without spending any seconds. Kya felt like she can sense some tension.

"Yeah, I think so."

Kya took a deep breath.

"Are you mad?" she asked like she was out of breath and five seconds away from passing out.

She snorted. "No, Kya." Lin said. "I'm not mad."

"Why would I be?"

"I don't know, I just-" she didn't finished her sentence. What can she say anyway. She can't comfort her anymore. No one can. She's so angry and broken even I can't read her thoughts. Not anymore.

"You know, lately, I realized something" she spoke. Kya turned to her, listening like It's depends her life, looking directly to her face, wanting to read her face and mind desperately.

"This city never belonged to us." she said. "I mean, yeah, we did borned in this city but It always belonged to our parents." she said. Her green eyes watched the great view around her. It reflected to her eyes like a clean, clean glass.

"And I think that's why my father left." Lin said. "I remember my mom saying that he never liked this city." Kya couldn't look into her eyes anymore so she turned her face to where her company's facing, to the sunset and the ocean. Her father was always a deep wound for her pricious friend. A wound that never closed.

"And I think that's why Sokka left."

Kya felt like her breath taken away from her again. Her uncle was like a father to Lin, Kya remembers, Kya remembers him a lot clearly then Lin, after all she was supposed to be 15 or 16. His death was a huge pain for both of them. Kya remembers how she screamed and cried for days after him but she never saw Lin cry or even say something about it. Which means It hurt a lot more than It shows. Because If Lin is not talking about a thing, It means It hurted her more than everything did.

"And that's why Bumi left."

Her relationship with Bumi wasn't really good but young men adored her little Lin more than everyone. They were an amazing team together. Bumi was an amazing big brother for Lin. A big brother that she always longed for. At least before he left for the army and didn't returned for 12 years. He said he'll be back for a break after 10 months of training. He never did and Lin never forgave him for lying. Kya couldn't blame Lin, she didn't like the fact that he's not gonna be around when she read a letter from Bumi, saying "I don't wanna be there anymore". She couldn't blame Bumi.

"And that's why Suyin left" she said. They weren't great couple of sisters but Kya knew that Lin did everything to protect her little sister and did everything to make her feel loved. It scarred her instead and never came back.

Her face started burn in grief, Kya noted. She could've hear her heart piercing in million pieces, leaving an incredible pain behind. She bowed her head slightly lower, looked at her feet, probably gathered her thoughts and raised again. She took a deep breath but It was like nothing.

"And Tenzin left" her voice almost cracked.

Everyone in this whole city knew that new chief of police, loved the airbender like no one ever did. Tenzin can't be loved more than she did. But despite this fact, Tenzin left her for Pema couple years ago. Lately, they been in Eastern Air Temple for vacation with his wife, his 2 or 3 years old daughter and a new baby. The two didn't spoke after that. Kya heard that Tenzin tried to apologize to her but It only ended with destruction of the  New Air Temple - Island. She didn't asked what happened but knew from her eyes, It wasn't something she wanna hear about it.

"And eventually It got bigger, messier even they left too" she said. Aang's death, Katara's leaving the city and, well, Toph's leaving... Kya never understood Toph's actions. She never understood why she left her daughter all alone and without saying anything."

"My own mother left" she said. Kya didn't heard a crying or anything but a tear spilled over her porcelain face, slowly. Lin noticed that and wiped away quickly. Sunset started to end and burning red orange colors painted in dark blue colors. Waves started to get more and more aggressive each time. It seemed like they were screaming for young black haired women. Lin felt like she silenced by their noice.

After calming for few minutes she turned her face to her. Realized Kya's deep blue eyes filled with tears too. This time Lin wiped her friend tears, like Kya always did in their childhood, for a one last time.

"Yeah, I don't belong in this city." she said. "But neither do you."

"So go." she said and faced to the ocean again.

"Why don't you come with us?" Kya asked even if she knew she'll be denied.

"Kya," she said. "You deserve better than this. You deserve a better ending."

"But-" before she could finished Lin cutted her.

"Go. She's waiting." she pointed her girlfriend in the deck. She waved to of them. Hina was a nice yound women. She didn't mind that.

"We'll be back after 9 days, OK?" she took her hand. Lin didn't said anything.

"Goodbye, Lin" she said and finally left.

Kya runned to the ship just a second ago from take off, she and her girlfriend waved to her, smiling sadly with tears in their eyes.

"Goodbye, Kya" Lin said, waving to them, she let her tears spill for this time.

She waited until ship couldn't seen on the horizon. Young women walked to the seaside. When she arrived at the coast, stared to the ocean for couple minutes. Bented her armor down and placed to her right side, sat on the cold sand. Watched the ocean, sky, stars solemnly. She thought about If she could forgive Kya when 9 days will become 9 weeks and eventually, 9 years.

[anonymouslyangsty]

What do you think Assassin!Taka would do if he figured out how much his grandfather was manipulating him? Also, what do you think of an alternative Assassin!Taka where his first kill was his grandfather?

Very good question and very good concept.

Minor derailment for a sec (i swear it's relevant), but let's talk about Takaaki and Toranosuke in this au.

(warning, it ended up not being 'a sec'. I bolded the part where I ACTUALLY start talking about your question)

I feel like Torano's downfall was a bit of a slippery slope. He needed to gain some momentum before he went to murder and child grooming, as ya do. And I think the major step towards extreme corruption came through Takaaki.

I feel like those two have a rather tense relationship early on in the au. Takaaki knows that some of his father's dealings are fishy. Perhaps not criminal at that point, but not exactly clean either.

But Takaaki is still human. He's got a wife and young son to care for. If his father's slimy actions got out, they'd ruin the Ishimaru name. Plus, he isn't hurting anyone, right? So Takaaki leaves it alone.

That kind of dismissal only lasts for so long however, especially when you're as honest as Takaaki. Eventually, he's not going to be able to turn a blind eye, even if acting puts himself and his family at risk.

Perhaps Torano does something that goes a bit too far, that actually hurts people and ruins lives. Takaaki wouldn't be able to stand for it and, even if he cares about his father, he isn't going to deny his duties as an officer because of it.

But I think that Takaaki would make the critical mistake of trusting the goodness in his father just a BIT too much. He thinks he can talk sense into Torano, get him to change his ways without ruining his whole career. All Takaaki does is give him ample warning.

Torano cares about his son. Takaaki is a decent man, hardworking and honest. But he'll be damned if he lets his soft heart get in his way and ruin his legacy. So when Takaaki threatens to release info on Torano's illegal activities, he knows he has to keep his son quiet.

Toranosuke is very careful with how he does it. He can't just kill the man. If Takaaki shared his suspicions with anyone, his sudden death would be damning.

So he does the next best thing. Torano gets Takaaki declared clinically insane and locked in an asylum. He weaves this detailed, damning story, bribing as many people as he needs to to create a false narrative. Takaaki attacked him in his office, spouting conseracy theories and accusing him of murder!

Toranosuke deeply cares for his son, so he obviously wouldn't send him away unless it was for his own good, right? And if Takaaki's wife suddenly finds herself overwhelmed with life under the camera's eye, well. What kind of grandfather would Toranosuke be if he didn't care for Taka while his mother was away visiting family? He's just looking out for his family after all.

So that's all to say that Takaaki is alive in this au, locked away from crimes he didn't commit. After so long of being told he's insane, he slowly begins to believe it. Maybe he was becoming paranoid, seeing crimes where there weren't any. Maybe he had overreacted. Did he attack his father? He didn't recall doing so, but there was video evidence, so it has to be true.

It takes years for Takaaki to be deemed sane. By that point, he's convinced himself that he really had made up all those accusations. Taka's already gone at this stage, off training for his grandfather's purposes. But Takaaki thinks he's just off at boarding school.

Now I'll get to the point of this 'little' tangent. I think Takaaki's the one who proves to Taka that he's being used. Takaaki's an officer, likely far higher in standing than in canon. So it's plausible that he'd be employed to investigate a string of strange deaths that's caught the eye of a few officials.

It would be quite interesting for Takaaki to realize that the 'string' of murders is actually far longer than they'd realized. It'd be even more interesting for him to realize that his son is the one behind the deaths.

Takaaki is a father first and an officer second. There's no way he'll allow his son to take the fall, especially not once it becomes clear that Torano placed him into the role. Takaaki would absolutely try to make his son see reason, which means making him see that he's being used.

Okay NOW I'll actually get to the point.

If Taka found out he was being used by his grandfather...Well it sure wouldn't be a pretty sight. We already know how Taka responds to his world being destroyed: denial, unresponsiveness, and manic behavior. That's how he responded upon learning that a guy he was friends with for 3 days was a killer.

Assassin!Taka doesn't see himself as a murderer. He sees himself as an executioner, dealing out capital justice to those who abuse their power. He kills those that are irredeemable, who harm others without any empathy.

But if that was all a life, if he was working for the corrupt rather than against...He'd be just as bad as the corruption he sought to destroy. He'd be a murderer.

Put that revelation onto the realization that the man who raised him since his parents left, the man he looked up to as the pinnacle of greatness, is himself corrupt. Has himself committed the same crimes Taka killed to stop. That Taka was nothing but a tool for that corruption.

Literally everything that Taka is in this au would be a lie. He's not killing for justice, his mindset isn't the correct path, his grandfather isn't fighting for justice.

I honestly think Taka would have an extreme, violent response to that revelation. He'd see both himself and his grandfather as irreparably tainted, absolutely dripping in the blood of the innocent. And Taka has known no means of removing such blots on human society but to personally wipe them out. So that's exactly what he go out to do.

Now I'm thinking about Taka and Takaaki hunting down Torano for some vigilante justice. All while Takaaki subtly tries to convince his son not to kill both Torano AND himself. It would be very hard for Takaaki to convince Taka that he was a victim of his grandfather, and not equally as guilty.

(this is also making me think of an au where Taka's hired by the FBI for his skills in a Black Widow situation)

Speaking of that, let's get to the "Taka's first kill is his grandfather" au.

The first and biggest question is: who the heck puts Taka up to it? It would not be easy. I'm thinking that, in the normal Assassin!Taka au, Torano spends YEARS grooming Taka into accepting killing. Nobody else would have that kind of extended access to Taka except his parents.

...

Except his parents. I'm literally having ideas as I type this. New idea! I'm going to make Taka's mom relevant (and evil)! Also I'm calling her Nori because I just need a name.

Perhaps Takaaki's marriage was arranged for political reasons more than love. He had to marry wealthy, and ended up marrying the daughter of a wealthy businessman.

And that's a very useful position, isn't it? Nori is in a perfect place to learn the intimate details of the Ishimaru family. She can learn what little squabbles the family has amongst one another, what weaknesses there are, anything she could need.

Her parents are well acquainted with several politicians, all of whom are more than willing to act in favor of her family's company. All of whom are itching to become Prime Minister.

So a plan is made to leave the position of PM vacant. Assassinate Takaaki, frame Torano, get someone who'll act in favor of the company in control. Maybe throw in some Yakuza connections for flavor.

Nori is nothing if not a good actor. So when a bullet comes through a window during a banquet, going straight through Takaaki's skull and spraying the table with blood, she acts just like you'd expect a loving wife to. The event falls into chaos instantly, guards swarming the area. And little Taka, who'd been so excited to wear his new suit to the event, has to be dragged away from his father.

Nori's job at this point is to act the part of the mournful wife, suddenly finding herself a single mother. She also is tasked with beginning the rumor mill, whispering of the animosity her poor late husband and his father had for one another. How she's afraid that Toranosuke is somehow involved and, if she isn't careful, will act against her and Taka.

Somehow Taka ends up hearing about it. And well, Taka isn't the type to hide his feelings as a teenager, and he certainly doesn't do it as a child. It's an unexpected complication to the plan. Taka isn't going to just let the rumor float about. He's ready to go straight to his grandfather and demand answers, which would ruin everything.

They could kill the child, it wouldn't be terribly hard. But perhaps Nori has some attachment to him, even if she knows he was only born as a prop for her role. The only other option is to make him part of the plan.

Why frame Toranosuke for murder when you can convince his grandchild that he's a horrible man? A man so powerful that even the law can't touch him? A man so powerful that only someone truly dedicated to justice can bring him down?

It isn't hard to convince Taka to poison his grandfather. The hardest part is training him to hide his anger long enough to get the job done.

So now Nori has made way for a business partner to become Prime Minister, and she's created a hitman for the company. Taka would be a much more loyal assassin than simple money could buy. He's got a vendetta against corruption and a tarnished faith in the justice system. And Nori is in the perfect position to direct his righteous anger towards those that 'deserve it'. And if her definition of who deserves death is different than Taka's? Well, he doesn't need to know that.

[hexhealed]

          ˗ ˏ ˋ ( kristine froseth, twenty-one, cis woman, she / her ) — is that ANDROMEDA BLACK just saw in the courtyard? i hear they’re a SLYTHERIN, returning for their SIXTH school year, but something more juicy is them being ENTERPRISING & THOUGHTFUL as well as DETACHED & CONFLICTED. if you want some more details on them, i guess i could tell you that they’re PUREBLOOD, and from the rumors i heard, they’re currently allying with THE NEUTRALS. personally, i think they remind of: solemn family portraits lining a darkened hall, puppet pulling at her strings, archaic tomes precariously stacked, aristocratic nose to the grindstone, the sweet sting of venom, honey, & healing. but that might be just me. — ( kit, she / they, 23 ) ˎˊ ˗  

TW — unhealthy family dynamics, emotional abuse / neglect, v. vague allusions to mental health issues. 

basics ,

full name.  andromeda cygnella black. known as.  andromeda, andie. age / date of birth.  twenty-one / april 2nd, 1960. year.  sixth year. blood status.  pureblood. house.  slytherin. alliance.  neutral. gender / pronouns.  cis woman, she / her. orientation.  bisexual, biromantic, grey-ace. extracurriculars.  chaser for the slytherin quidditch team; member of the herbology, potions, slug, and occamy dueling clubs; hospital wing volunteer. additional stats.  click here.

early life , 

andromeda is born a mere few months after bellatrix, and is instantly her mother’s darling. for a long time, she doesn’t question — doesn’t even truly comprehend — the way her mother favors her, desperate as she is for her parents’ approval. they are exacting, demanding, withholding; they praise one daughter or another, it seems, only to shame the other two in their failures. 

andie takes what she can get, where she can get it, for as long as she can, letting her parents pit her against her sisters in a constant battle for attention, affection, and approval. but it’s a battle she starts to lose, middle child that she is. despite all andromeda’s efforts, it seems being perfect comes as naturally as breathing to little narcissa, and druella redirects her favoritism towards her youngest daughter. and while bella is at a disadvantage, she makes up for it in sheer willpower; she turns herself into their father’s perfect slytherin heir, what andie was supposed to be. ( note, of course, that this is how andie experiences this; the truth is that each sister was of course neglected and traumatized in their own way ! )

for most of her early childhood, andie doesn’t really question the world she lives in; doesn’t think too hard about the wealth, the blood purity, the high society circles in which her family moves. it is as natural as the air around her. yet she manages nonetheless to ruffle feathers, draw suspicion. at age six she questions innocently why uncle marius has been cursed from the family tree; the answer horrifies her, though she tries to hide it, saying nothing and staying up late at night wondering if her parents would ever disown her for something like that. 

( ..... will probably add some more once i’ve sorted some more black sisters plots ? )

she really enjoys quidditch and plays whenever she can find an opponent ( bella doesn’t care for the sport, and lets her know as much. ) it’s not a ladylike pursuit, her mother reminds her, but at least her father approves. at first, it’s only the children of her parents’ friends, all pureblood, all high-society, but as one by one they start going off to hogwarts, andie needs to find herself new friends. this is how she takes her first steps out of her ignorance, more interested in finding playmates than purebloods; but the common little muggleborn derisions that are the black family bread and butter do not do well among her new friends, and she starts realizing for the first time the unkindness of her family’s beliefs.

this is where the split starts, between andie and andromeda black, because whatever she is, she must be hidden; she leaves the façade of andromeda standing as she carefully slips out from behind it, and no one is much the wiser. 

hogwarts ,

to finally go to hogwarts is a relief for andie. it offers an escape out of the stifling environment and the constant disapproval of her parents; at the same time, though, it gives her every opportunity to impress them. and she still wants to, especially following in bella’s footsteps; she’s always admired her older sister, always wanted to be just as clever, just as talented, just as capable. it’s this burning desire to be valued that has the sorting hat deciding, after just a few moments, to place her in slytherin.

and so without realizing she slips back, subsumed once more into pureblood ideology, so much stronger when impressed by her peers; it’s much easier to dismiss her parents as outdated, and keep her mouth shut, than it is to disagree with the cool upper years, especially when they are conspicuously nice to her.

as time passes, though, she slowly becomes something else other than bella’s little sister, expanding her horizons at last somewhat. she excels academically, as is expected of her — cygnus and druella would not suffer their children to enter school unprepared — and joins the potions and herbology clubs, spending less and less time in the slytherin common room. hoping to play quidditch, she tries out her first year but fails; in her second year, she secures a spot as a chaser.

her year three electives become something of a bone of contention over the preceding summer; alongside arithmancy, andie signs up for muggle studies. her family disapproves. she has to assure them it’s a purely academic pursuit, that she’s only curious but never sympathetic — and she doubts whether they’re convinced. 

she’s still trying to be and seem apolitical, trying to toe the line, but with each passing year she finds it less and less sustainable. once, she might have been ignorant, simply might not have known better; now, she knows better, and she’s just a coward. at this point she can see straight through her family’s pureblood supremacy. but then, as much as it turns her stomach, they are her family. she loves them. and more than that, she fears them.

so to assuage her guilt andie simply overworks herself. ( can’t feel guilty if you’re too tired ! ) between club meetings, quidditch practices, and homework, she’s overworked as it is, but when her potions professor approaches and suggests, given her skill, she may be helpful to madam pomfrey in the hospital wing, she cannot refuse. it’s simple work, preparing ingredients, cleaning, changing sheets, but she finds it oddly rewarding. 

in her o.w.l. consultations, andromeda decides to pursue healing; she’s fascinated by magical medicine, and fantasizes about doing research and experimental magic, about pushing boundaries. but her parents would be happier if she simply said she wanted to be a st. mungo’s healer, so that’s what she says. the christmas holidays in her fifth year are the first holidays she chooses to stay at hogwarts; she tells her parents she simply must, that between her clubs, quidditch, and o.w.l.s she’s much too busy for a holiday. truth is, she simply dreads spending two weeks alone with her family.

she excels at her o.w.l.s, but it doesn’t leave her feeling proud, just relieved that she won’t have to face her parents empty-handed. the idea of spending all summer back in her family home is torturous, but thankfully she doesn’t have to; her parents pull some strings, talk to some old family friends and secure her an internship at st. mungo’s over the summer. she expresses her gratitude politely to them, and her relief to her friends in cautious letters, and stays in a room in the city for nearly the whole summer. 

personality , hcs , etc. ,

got the nickname andie at hogwarts; her family has always called her by her full name. her parents seemed unreasonably upset with her about it — something about throwing away family tradition, not honoring their wishes for her, and other nonsense.

loves to throw herself into her responsibilities, hobbies, and interests as a way of avoiding inner turmoil; has a strong problem-solving impulse that gets way worse whenever she has bigger, unsolvable problems.

speaking of, she loves herbology, catch her in the greenhouses most days of the week. she loves the smell, the warmth, the dirt beneath her nails, the way the rest of the school grounds outside feel so distant behind the glass. the greenhouses are her church and sanctuary.

monstrously overworked and definitely verging on a burnout; between school, quidditch, career thoughts, the impending war, volunteer work, and sorting through some deep-seated personal issues.

might be the nicest black sister, but that’s not really a high bar to clear. though she carries a lot of guilt and tries to resolve that by doing good work, keeping her head down and not being explicitly hateful, she’s not exactly kind. she’s a bit of a know-it-all and loves to argue with people, can be really condescending, lashes out when she’s feeling insecure, and can hold a grudge like nobody’s business.

very much enjoys muggle music, after it was shared with her by friends. she named her owl ziggy after ziggy stardust, knowing full well that her parents wouldn’t have the faintest clue what it meant. 

plots , 

just wanted to say first of all that i love plotting, hc’ing, brainstorming, etc. so please hit me up ! if nothing here works i’m super happy to think of something else. also, every single one of these is open to all genders unless specified ! i also especially love plotting based on other connections ( i.e. muse a and muse b are friends, muse b and muse c are exes, therefore muse a and muse c do not get along, or smth ) idk i just have a lot of ideas !

friends.   this could go a lot of ways ! very importantly, andie doesn’t pick her friends for their politics; they could be death eaters, order members, or neutral. more important is their ability to put up with andie’s nonsense. that being said alliances would definitely play a part in how they interact, etc. ofc.

unofficial engagement.  a betrothal is a bit archaic, andie’s made clear in so many words. her parents and this muse’s parents, rather than putting their foot down and making demands, are quite cunning in their attempt to play matchmaker. they invite each other and their family to dinners, ask after them in every letter, and never pass up an opportunity to throw the pair of them together. would definitely be a pureblood, ‘respectable’ and probably but not necessarily a slytherin ! how the two of them feel about it is also very open-ended — enemies, slow-burn, fake dating, friendship, i’m happy with anything !

exes.  give me a bunch of these ! there’s so many options for this. their first little ‘relationship’ that maybe lasted only a few months, going on their first lil hogmeade dates together ? first loves making plans to visit each other over summers ? some hookup that one of them thought was much more serious than the other ? something a lil star-crossed & pushed apart by families ? an ex andie unceremoniously dumped last year to focus on her studies ? exes who are good friends, exes who hate each other, exes who are so embarrassed to have dated each other they pretend nothing ever happened, just. any of them. pls.

crushes / flirtationships.  all the crushes ! an youthful crush that she swears she’s gotten over but she still gets flustered whenever they talk to her; someone who’s interested in her, but whom she has less than zero interest in ( or, alternatively, is pretending to have no interest in ); mutual crushes but they’re both convinced the other person hates them or is out of their league; mutual crushes but they’re also constantly bickering and everyone thinks they’ve already been married forty years; bad crushes that she feels bad about for whatever reason ( they are death eaters, or seeing someone else, or a rival in some way, idk ), etc. etc.

childhood friends.  lots of options here too; high society pureblood kids her parents approved of, but also any halfbloods in and around london who are into quidditch, and would play with andie ?

study buddy.  andie’s a big nerd. give her some friends to study with ? someone who won’t give her a weird look when she threatens to hex chatty first years in the library. they can ask each other questions and help with charms practice and share their hopes, dreams, and aspirations ! definitely made a pact last year to get x amount of o.w.l.s. should be in sixth year, but doesn’t necessarily need to be an overachieving nerd like andie.

potions partner.  fairly self-explanatory; they’re adjacent to a study buddy but work together pretty much exclusively in potions class. this would ideally be one of two types: either they’re also very, very good at potions and they’ve partnered together to make sure they both get top marks each class, or alternatively, this is someone who struggles with potions and who was partnered with andie, either against her will ( thanks slughorn ) or out of the ( unlikely ) kindness of her heart, and she helps them get up to speed.

academic rival.  the opposite of a study buddy. study enemy ? should also be a sixth year so that they share classes with andromeda. they’re both overachieving students and will stare daggers at each other in class whenever the other person raises their hand. andie feels very threatened and definitely lets her insecurity get the best of her in this dynamic.

quidditch rival.  is there anything better than a sports rivalry ? no ! this could be anywhere from a friendly bantering rivalry to a full on, hate-your-guts, will hex you on the pitch if i can rivalry ? could be simply because of their teams, because they have issues off the field, or because they accidentally ran head-on into each other in their first match and now can’t let it go ? just think this could be fun !

frienemies.  okay, hear me out. gimme a buddy for andie where their entire friendship essentially revolves around gently verbally abusing each other — or at least, that’s andie’s side because she’s a great big bully ! but if they’re ever in trouble or getting shit from anyone she will drop anything and go fight. someone she probably really adores but will only begrudgingly admit to. mostly she calls ‘em names.

petty enemies.  so, i know it’s stupid to hold onto old grudges when there’s a literal war on the horizon, but andie ? andie does not. she’s really pettier than that. would love for this to be someone who she just really butted heads with in her earlier hogwarts years and they’ve both just never gotten over it. they’re very petty and don’t even really remember why they don’t like each other but are they gonna get over it now ? heck no.

true enemies.  not petty, not somewhat friendly, not a rivalry but a true and burning hatred. just. give it to meeeeeee. this could be a muse with strong political opinions who really hates where andie stands & isn’t afraid to say so, but could also just be more personal; maybe andie did something ? i’m very okay with her being the bad guy here too.

confidant.  andie has a lot going on that she doesn’t/can’t really talk to other people about; maybe this muse is just a very good listener, or maybe they have their own deep dark secrets ? either way, they can tell each other things very few others are privy to.

patients.  might be a bit of a stretch of the definition since right now andie’s not a medical professional any more than a candy striper might be, but has your muse been injured at any point in the past year/year and a half or so ? it’s possible that you might be entitled to some compensation for them having to put up with andie being annoying as hell during their hospital wing stay.

[ksbwnotes]

Chapter 9, Part 1

Ahhhh...poor son of a bitch.

1. Heyyyyy, green tape

Hmmmn, Koogi seems to use green a lot...is that just more common a color for duct tape in Korea? But thing is, her main outfit for Bum is green tones. And he likes froggies, which are green. 

Also, we never do see Sangwoo use this tape with CEO daughter girl (just ropes, a cloth for her mouth, and this weird metal thing to cover her eyes). Or with Bum, for that matter (I only saw it so far used with Koogi’s illustrations, which are a different matter altogether...I might be mistaken, I won’t skip to that part, but Sangwoo might have used it on Bum in the last chapters, which could signify how far his mentality has deteriorated). 

But this guy is different. Sangwoo has no emotional attachment to him.  The duct tape could be, in a way, signifying how worthless this person is to Sangwoo. That he’s nothing more than a box full of unsavory memories he would rather tape shut forever and throw away to rot.

2. Ooohp. Bastard’s bringing out his iconic apron

Sangwoo the butcher.

But this is something new that we haven’t seen before. Again, Sangwoo has never once wore this with Bum. So that means Sangwoo truly has no intentions of going easy on this guy. Blood is going to be pretty much spurting every-the-fuck-where. 

So even though Sangwoo doesn’t consciously plan to kill someone, he has his habits and ideas down to a pat so that once he does get into that territory, he can more or less get right down to it. Sangwoo seems to do what he can to ‘separate’ himself from his atrocious acts, but also fulfilling an ‘aesthetic’ that fits with the atrocity he has become. 

Like, that apron.  Too risky to wear regular clothes, so apron is the next best thing and can act as a barrier of some sort once the blood goes flying. It’ll reduce how much splatters onto his skin and how much of his body he has to actually clean. It’s also just keep things less gross and more sanitary that way lol.

3. I am the type to find this funny and really be amused by Sangwoo’s smartass-ness

I suck at being a smartass and I can’t do it, so I really appreciate it whenever someone else can, even if it’s mean lol. But if it’s mean, it’s a guilty pleasure for me, like right now. x’D

4. Honestly, Sangwoo, how did you get yourself into this situation...

Oh!  So he was able to get out of the blow job. Nice. The guy was actually respectful. If Sangwoo were sane, he’d understand this and just run away instead of luring this guy in to kill him. 

But, really, why did Sangwoo put himself into this position?  I don’t have anything foolproof as evidence, but I really don’t think Sangwoo is the type who actually needs to kill at specific intervals as an outlet.

If anything, Sangwoo has a more...instinctual response to sexual situations, like Bum. For Bum, he becomes hyper-aroused and zeroes in on the pleasure to a point that it overrides his more logical line of thinking. The “he’s a killer I should be scared” becomes “it feels so good and nothing else can exist but this pleasure”.

For Sangwoo, he has two modes. The first one is passive, where he’s just following his partner’s whims and saying that he’s enjoying things but he’s actually just powerless to resist. It’s his instinctual reaction after being forced to just...take his mom’s advances. He feels empty, like a doll that is just meant to be used and taken for pleasure. It’s no better than being a corpse that is fulfilling another’s necrophilic tendencies.

The second mode, I believe, came to be as a self-defense mechanism to the first mode. In order to avoid ever feeling like that, he is in control of everything. He has complete dominance over his partner. In a way, the extreme violence is the only way he can genuinely feel pleasure because he’s ‘safe’. He can literally go one way or the other, his trauma has made it impossible for him to have any other mode than ‘docile’ or ‘predator’. 

5. Well, even without the possibility of murdering someone, Sangwoo choosing an alias is no surprise

He did go into a gay bar, lol.

I also find it interesting that this is where we get a look into Bum’s thoughts. And it’s regarding Sangwoo’s alias. 

Also, now I am wondering if Sangwoo ever resorted to using aliases with his other prey. Because if he had, then this does add a whole other layer of premeditation to his serial killing. Even if he’s not purposefully scouting for prey, it would at least mean he’s always prepared in the event that he comes across prey. 

That is what makes Jieun such an outlier and also Sangwoo’s downfall in terms of getting caught. Jieun knows Sangwoo personally. There is a connection between them. And her disappearance could easily be traced back to him. Sangwoo isn’t an idiot. He knows how to pick and choose his prey and he probably makes sure to never make it so that the prey can call him by name. 

That is also what makes Bum such an interesting outlier. Because Sangwoo is risking A LOT just to keep him--someone who knows Sangwoo’s real name and actually has witnessed his personal life, both in the outside world and behind closed doors. Sangwoo chose him over the girl. Sangwoo broke his legs, not only to keep Bum from escaping, but to keep Bum with him. 

This does suggest that Sangwoo is not serial killing for the thrill of it (at least, not just for that), but because he’s in search for something that could replace the kills. Sangwoo doesn’t want a pile of dead bodies under his feet--he wants one alive body to stay by his side and love him, in spite of those dead bodies. 

6. ....cute motherfucker

Koogi, I resent you so much for making him this cute...

Honestly though, it just strikes me how Sangwoo keeps trying to keep on a carefree and happy facade even during times like these. We do later see him doing that as a habit as a child, so it fits that he does that on steroids during his adult years, especially considering the things he does. I’ll refer back to this when we get to Jieun’s death scene.

7. Shows of weakness

Ah damn I’m going to have to revisit this part. I have a lot of thoughts on it, but I’m too sleep deprived to actually make sense of it. But this part is important in understanding Sangwoo’s mentality and the ways he tries to train Bum to fit a certain image.

Aaaaaand today is a new day!!  So going forth:

During the times Bum showed fear and was trembling, I do think a major part of why Sangwoo hates it so much is because it reminds him of how much of a monster he is. But I also think it’s because it reminds him of his mom, which he does say about Bum’s trembling. Because no matter what happened to his mom, she never learned her lesson. If she were able to change, then Sangwoo’s childhood would be less painful. 

But Bum being quiet and looking scared, but still able to meet Sangwoo’s eyes...that reminds Sangwoo of what he was while with his parents. And even though Sangwoo does hate himself--to a point where he doesn’t want to change because he has no belief he can be better--I do think he’s grieving for that child who had no clue that things will just get worse and worse from there. 

Especially since, from what I’m assuming, he knew how to manipulate his image so that he could avoid being beaten and locked up like his mother. So he would hold more respect towards his conditioned response versus his mother’s conditioned response. He probably refused to admit to himself how he felt back then, because obviously that’s a cruel thought to have and Sangwoo’s level of empathy was still average to high at the time. But it still doesn’t erase his resentment towards her inability to be better (I think this also contributed to why Sangwoo presumably felt ‘free’ after his first kill).

I think I’ll have a better grasp over my thoughts once we get to Jieun’s death >_< 

8. *opens mouth, then silently closes it*

That first sentence probably is not meant to sound the way Sangwoo makes it sound. xD  Which is a bit too gay for someone who firmly claims he is wholly hetero.

Oh actually this is funny. Since the only other person in the basement is a guy, the card dude probably thinks Sangwoo really is gay or internalized-antigay or something. But the truth is a lot more complex and sinister than what it appears to be on the surface.

9. Ooooooh, high stakes indeed

Lol, this does drive home the idea to me that Sangwoo is really pissed at Bum. Because, again, he would’ve never went to that gay bar had it not been for Bum. So, in a way, even though Sangwoo internally knows Bum isn’t the one going out in a body bag, this instillation of fear is a punishment for making him question his sexuality in a way that triggered Sangwoo’s trauma. Because there is literally no safe way for Sangwoo to explore his sexuality considering his past and his current lifestyle.

On the other end of the spectrum, I wonder how Bum is feeling about this. He probably genuinely believes that Sangwoo is genuinely putting Bum’s life on the line, in a way that if he fails the card game, he’ll die. Like. I definitely would. No matter what past form of affection Sangwoo showed, if he says he’ll kill me, I would full-heartedly be like “Yeah. Yeah, I don’t doubt you, hun.”

And, still, Bum knows better now than to complain or beg. Because unlike his mother, despite his own mental issues, Bum can be trained and that is why Sangwoo keeps him around.

10. Where do you come up with these things, you bastard

I mean, seriously, he has so many ideas on how to break a person. These are more psychopathic than sociopathic tendencies, I think, so that’s why Sangwoo right now, is a high-functioning sociopath.

11. Oh my fkkn god tho, this smart boi XD

Or maybe I’m just dumb and have no clue how to play cards. 

Or maybe Sangwoo has been spending time with Bum playing cards.

Or maybe Bum is just good at cards and has spent his time practicing them.

Either way, the fact that Bum is able to fkkn pay attention during these times shows that his own trauma and mental issues have no bearing on how smart he actually is. He doesn’t have strong observation skills and is slow to understand people, but that’s more of a natural character trait, even if it is more emphasized by his mental disorders...mmmn, I do kinda wonder if Bum could have some traits shared with autism but I’m too neruotypical and untrained to say whether or not he does.

12. No seriously, we have creative Sangwoo here with this card game from hell...

...Then we have Bum here able to pull out logical conclusions like his mind is clear despite the immense anxiety and pressure of the situation. There’s a reason why Bum is still alive. For some reason, the longer Bum is stuck in his situation, the more 

13. Seriously, I could stab him in the eye for being so cute despite being revolting, it’s not RIGHT KOOGI

Stab stab stab stab

14. It probably doesn’t mean much, but I still can’t help but point out how Sangwoo is making sure to be close to Card!dude and facing Bum

This would be the most logical choice since it will ensure his victim doesn’t try to escape. And even if he does, he can quickly do shit like pulling back his hair if he tries to be ‘bratty’. Also, being behind someone like this is meant to represent a menacing appearance and being the ‘controller’ behind the scenes. Sangwoo has the upperhand since card!dude can’t see him and Sangwoo can do whatever he wants to the guy. 

But this also puts Sangwoo and Bum on more equal ground. Sort of like “partners in crime” because they can face each other and communicate via body language. In a way, Sangwoo can help Bum or make Bum do things, influencing his next move. While, at the same time, keeping a literal eye on Bum but without the upperhand he has on card!dude--because Bum can also keep an eye out on him. 

15. I’d probably laugh if I were Sangwoo too lol

I bet you Sangwoo didn’t expect Bum to actually get the goddamn ace. The fact that Bum is this fkkn lucky is indicative of how Bum is lucky enough to even be alive at this point. Bum has been able to avoid his ‘fate of death’ over and over again that, honestly, the sheer disbelief of it is ridiculous. But it’s also like Sangwoo is saying ‘Of course you’d get the goddamn ace. Of course you would, you little shit, why am I even still surprised by you at this point’.

In a way, Sangwoo might also be thinking that ‘Huh, it’s like I meant to mess with the cards so that’d they be in your favor.’ But of course, he can’t have that because Bum being ‘too’ happy about things means he won’t be able to control Bum. So, for Bum’s case, he’s doing a second round to train Bum further, rather than to fuck with him before he kills him (like what he’s doing with card!dude).

Other than that, this is also indicative of just how well Bum is dealing with the anxiety of this moment. Card!dude might have done better (though he can’t have that much control over the cards) under normal circumstances, but between the both of them, Bum is actually calm enough to think things through. It says a lot about his capabilities lol. It makes me wonder what kind of person he could’ve been had he been raised well.

ALSO, AGAIN WITH YOU BEING CUTE SANGWOO. NO. ESPECIALLY NOT UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU ASSHOLE. STOP IT.

16. Lol, even though this is a throwaway line, I think this is indicative of who Sangwoo has already chosen

This is really like a “come on, partner in crime, get up to my level here and let’s fuck with this fucker together”. But the thing is, Bum is just as much a victim as this guy. There is literally no way for Bum to think any other way but Sangwoo fucking with both of them, not just card!dude. 

Because the thing is, if Bum forgot himself and reacted the same way as card!dude, Sangwoo would kill him, along with card!dude.

But yeah, it does make me think of how Sangwoo would’ve reacted if card!dude actually won. How would his script go? Would he still do a practice round? Or would that have been enough for Sangwoo, and he would’ve skipped to the next part of his plan?

I don’t think this second round was something Sangwoo expected. And that really drove home to him how Bum keeps surpassing his expectations again and again. 

17. *wince* Oohp.

The trembling and slight protest. Definitely not what Sangwoo wants to see. I can’t blame Bum for responding like this, BECAUSE A FKKN SERIAL KILLER IS PRETTY MUCH TRYING TO SCREW HIM OVER, but at the same time, he should know better than to respond this way. 

I also do think, other than the threat to his life, Bum is perceiving this as Sangwoo ‘choosing’ card!dude over Bum. It’s like a rejection and that probably hits Bum’s rejection sensitivity. If it was just a threat to his life, Bum would probably be able to still stay silent at this point (uh, most likely not because again, life is on the line, but still maybe). However, there’s also this sense that Sangwoo doesn’t actually want him to live--that the card game is just an excuse to kill Bum.

18.  think it says a lot that Sangwoo still responds to Bum’s protest via ‘patting’ him on the head rather than pulling on his hair. 

If card!dude was more intuitive, then he probably would’ve noticed that something was off in the way Sangwoo was treating Bum. More leniently. Because any small variation in treatment is not a promising outlook for card!dude.

But the thing is--now that I know how the ending is--Sangwoo is just doing this as a way to fuck with the other dude.  Actually he was probably proud of Bum winning so that he could further fuck with card!dude and make him taste the bitterness of false hope. Sort of like a “heh, you did better than I thought you would”. 

Sangwoo does want him to live because this card game is not about ‘who’ to choose. Sangwoo has already chosen Bum. This is just a matter of how much satisfaction Sangwoo can get against his revenge on the other guy.

Though, Bum is genuinely worried because why would he think that lol. There is also this thing where Sangwoo chose to kill a pretty girl and keep him, a skinny male loser, alive. So from his stand point, Sangwoo’s choices are difficult to pinpoint. Bum also won’t see himself as more ‘attractive’ than card!dude, so he most likely was scared that Sangwoo’s choices has changed once again and he would be thrown away like CEO daughter.

19. Hmmmn...

Now that card!dude has been given a second chance and can see Sangwoo’s willingness as a show of ‘favorability’, he has more control over his anxiety (which I do think is different from Bum, who has this sort of ‘on-off’ button for his anxiety, versus card!dude who seems to have more of a ‘reduction-enlargement’ slider). He probably feels more confident. 

And this is probably exactly what Sangwoo wanted, because then that will make the fall so much sweeter, the look of horror that much more gratifying.

20. Really, and there were people who wanted Sangwoo and Bum to have a happily ever after

The psychological warfare Sangwoo is putting onto Bum is so brutal that it’s really difficult to keep reading. Again, Koogi making it so that Sangwoo got better, then got worse when he realized he couldn’t handle what it means to ‘improve’, and then die...it made me respect this work so much, because nothing about this is romanticized.  And furthermore, Bum didn’t die, but at the same time, he was scars that will never be able to heal. His mentality was worse in the end than it was in the beginning, which is a goddamn feat because there wasn’t much left for him to fall.

Another alternative that I saw float around was Bum and Sangwoo dying together and...no. No no no. That’s too romanticized as well. And Bum being left alive while Sangwoo dies has this very...god I don’t even know how to explain. It’s not a happy ending. For me, there’s no vindication for it because I got to see just how deeply Sangwoo was suffering, which made it impossible for me to enjoy his death despite every incredibly shitty thing he has done. It was literally just...a masterpiece. One that showed just how, really, there are places on earth that truly have no hope and the suffering only ends with death. 

I usually never like nihilistic stories like these. Like seriously, there’s a reason why I avoided Killing Stalking like the plague. But after so many stories where things have a happy ending just because they MUST, it doesn’t only get tiring, but destructive for me. 

And Killing Stalking is special to me because instead of showing that everything was hopeless in the beginning just BECAUSE life is hopeless, period...it shows that things could’ve gone differently because Sangwoo and Bum were never truly without hope in the beginning. Sangwoo wasn’t a classic serial killer. Bum just needed better guidance. They just needed to be given a goddamn chance, like so many people in the world in general.

Instead of outright nihilism, it’s more in line with existentialism and that things reach the point of no return if nothing is changed. Or that if there are changes, it’s the type of change that makes things worse and doesn’t allow for healing.

Anyways, I don’t quite have all my thoughts on this together, so this is something I have to revisit once I’m done reading KS.

[elriell]

Book Rec’s

Going to try and add a lot of less known books that are amazing and not enough people talk about, this would be too long if I talked about each one in depth, so I am going to leave my fav quotes as that tends to give me a feel for books and whether I will like them and I will link the GR page for more info! Happy reading:)

Fantasy Vibes

From Blood And Ash by Jennifer L Armentrout    (CLICK THIS TOO)

“Death is like an old friend who pays a visit, sometimes when it’s least expected and other times when you’re waiting for her. It’s neither the first nor the last time she’ll pay a visit, but that doesn’t make any death less harsh or unforgiving.”

“Fear and bravery are often one and the same. It either makes you a warrior or a coward. The only difference is the person it resides inside.”

 “You're an absolutely stunning, murderous little creature.”

Storm And Fury by Jennifer L Armentrout

“What are you going to do if it does get worse?” he asked. “Maybe I’ll get myself a seeing-eye gargoyle.”

(HONESTLY BADASS GARGOYLES. SO UNIQUE AND AWESOME)

Demons At Deadnight by A&E Kirk   

“I launched into a graceful ninja-like front roll, then stood my ground to face the monstrous heathen, fearless in my determination to vanquish the deadly foe.

Nah, just kidding. I bolted, discretion being the better part of not getting dead.”

“We are killers,” Matthias said. Bad news. 

“Not girls. We don’t kill girls.” Good news. 

“She’s no girl.” Insulting news? 

“What? Of course she’s a girl.”

 “Want me to check?” 

“Shut up, Blake,” the rest of them chorused.”

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black   

“If I cannot be better than them, I will become so much worse.”

“If you hurt me, I wouldn't cry. I would hurt you back.”

“I am going to keep on defying you. I am going to shame you with my defiance. You remind me that I am a mere mortal and you are a prince of Faerie. Well, let me remind you that means you have much to lose and I have nothing. You may win in the end, you may ensorcell me and hurt me and humiliate me, but I will make sure you lose everything I can take from you on the way down. I promise you this is the least of what I can do.”

MM Romance

Him by Sabrina Bowen & Elle Kennedy

“Our mouths fit together so perfectly. Every time we kiss, I fall even more in love with him, and it has nothing to do with sex or lust. It's him. His closeness and his scent and the way he soothes me.”

“I…” He clears his throat. “I’d let you do it, though.” My hand freezes in his hair. “You would?” Wes nods. “I’d let you do anything to me, Canning.”

Misfits by Garrett Leigh (Poly romance, its just so perfect ala herongraystairs!)

“Learn something. Read a book. Explore someone. Anger is just a hole where your life could be.”

In The Absence Of Light by Adrienne Wilder

“The light is a funny thing, Grant. We think it shows us what we need to see, but in reality, it blinds us. That’s why I brought you here. I wanted you to see me.”

“Morgan may be autistic, but he is a normal man with a mental condition, not a mental condition who is a man.”

HOneStly JUST READ IT

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

“It’s not the world that’s cruel. It’s the people in it.”

“I'm not a math problem." "But I'll still solve you."

“Is your learning curve a horizontal line?”

“Who said 'please' that made you hate the word so much?"  Andrew gazed at him in silence for a minute. "I did.”

“I didn't think I was a personal problem. You hate me, remember?" "Every inch of you," Andrew said. "That doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you." 

EVERY QOUTE IS ICONIC TBH 

Vampires, Angels & Greek Mythology

Bloodlines by Michelle Read

“The greatest changes in history have come when people were able to shake off what others told them to do.”

“Takes a lot of tries before you hit perfection." He paused to reconsider that. "Well, except for my parents. They got it on the first try."

“No, thank you," said Adrian. "These hands don't sully themselves with fighting.”

“Everything's about my personal entertainment. The world is my stage. Keep it up- you're becoming a star performer in the show.”

Angels Blood by Nalini Singh

“Some things were worth the dance with danger.”

“You do realize this makes your wings even more unique." "Are you saying you shot me as a cosmetic procedure?”

“You ask a lot of questions for a dead woman.” “What can I say? I prefer to die well-informed.”

“You don't fear me," he said now. She wasn't stupid enough to lie. "I'm petrified. But I figure you didn't make me come all this way just so you could push me off the roof.”

Dark Lover by J.R Ward (warning OTT vamps if thats not your jazz either skip)

“Some bridges you crossed on your own, no matter who drove you to the edge”

“Vengeance was one hell of a roommate.”

Half-Blood by Jennifer L Armentrout

“Two people see each other across a room or their skin brushes. Their souls recognize the person as their own. It doesn’t need time to figure it. The soul always knows… whether it’s right or wrong.”

“It’s just words and words mean nothing. Only action does.”

“People do the damndest things when they’re in love.”

“There is a difference between love and need. Sometimes, what you feel is immediate and without rhyme or reason.”

Assasin-y Goodness

Grave Mercy by Robin LaFevers

“When one consorts with assassins, one must expect to dance along the edge of a knife once or twice.”

“I comfort myself with the knowledge that if Duval ever feels smothered by me, it will be because I am holding a pillow over his face.”

“Surely He does not give us hearts so we may spend our lives ignoring them.”

“There is no shame in scars, Ismae.”

Daughter Of The Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

“I am me because I choose to be me. I am what I want. Some people say you have to find yourself. Not I. I believe we create ourselves to be what we want.”

“Lass, you've the face of an angel but the tongue of a snake.”

“Everyone has something dark in their past. I suppose it's our job to overcome it. And if we can’t overcome it, then all we can do is make the most of it.”

“Waiting. Not waiting. One lover. A hundred lovers. There should be no judgement either way. A woman is not defined by what she does or doesn‘t do in the bedroom.”

“Even a man who’s spent his whole life at sea has reason to fear her when she’s angry. But not I. I sleep soundly. Listening to her music. The sea watches over me. She protects her own.”

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

“No mourners. No funerals. Among them, it passed for 'good luck.”

“It's not natural for women to fight." "It's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand.”

“I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.

“The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true.”

“Kaz leaned back. "What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?" "Knife to the throat?" asked Inej. "Gun to the back?" said Jesper. "Poison in his cup?" suggested Nina. "You're all horrible," said Matthias.”

The Kiss of Deception by Mary E. Pearson

“It can take years to mold a dream. It takes only a fraction of a second for it to be shattered.”

“Taking another life, she had whispered, even a guilty one, should never be easy. If it were, we'd be little more than animals.”

“Maybe there was no one way to define it. Maybe there were as many shades of love as the blues of the sky,”

“We all have our different skills. You’re patient to a fault, which sometimes doesn’t work to your advantage. I, on the other hand, have the patience of a wet cat. Only on rare occasions does that come in handy.”

“Maybe there were a hundred different ways to fall in love.”

Circus Vibes

Caraval by Stephanie Garber

“Every person has the power to change their fate if they are brave enough to fight for what they desire more than anything.”

“She imagined loving him would feel like falling in love with darkness, frightening and consuming yet utterly beautiful when the stars came out.”

“Some things are worth pursuit regardless of the cost.”

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

“You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone's soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows that they might do because of it, because of your words. That is your role, your gift.”

“Secrets have power. And that power diminishes when they are shared, so they are best kept and kept well. Sharing secrets, real secrets, important ones, with even one other person, will change them. Writing them down is worse, because who can tell how many eyes might see them inscribed on paper, no matter how careful you might be with it. So it's really best to keep your secrets when you have them, for their own good, as well as yours.”

Six of Hearts by L.H Cosway

“Note to self: Never try to out-trick a trickster.”

“So why not live with the magic? Be a kid again and believe in the fantastical. Life is more fun with a little smoke and mirrors.”

“We all have thoughts that we would never, ever vocalise. And people who say they don’t are liars.”

“I once read that people who have imaginary friends never reach out to touch them. There’s some part of their brain that subconsciously knows it will break the spell. That’s what it feels like with Jay.”

Amour Amour by Krista & Becca Richie

“We all traverse in and out of people’s worlds, leaving footprints. Some larger, some smaller, but there is always a mark. We can’t sweep it away.”

“Life is a rollercoaster with no volunteers. We’re all forced to take a seat and ride it out.

“I’m average. I’ve been average most of my life, but there are moments where I feel extraordinary. Invincible. Able to conquer any fear and step outside any box. There is no illusion, no fantasy. I can climb a forty-foot pole. I can fly eighty-feet in the air. I can be taller than tall. It’s a dream that I’m living. Every day. With him.”

More M/M Romance

The Song Of Achilles by Madeline Miller

“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”

“And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone.”

“He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature.”

“He is half of my soul, as the poets say.”

Axel’s Pup by Kim Dare  (Shifter Romance & BDSM FYI if thats not your jazz)

"I want to screw you, and tie you up, and make you writhe from-you know all that. But I want so much more. I want the whole thing, not just a quick scene. I want twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I want you to be mine. I won't take anything less."

Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets Of The Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

“In your dream. You were looking for me.""I'm always looking for you," 

“He was funny and focused and fierce. I mean the guy could be fierce. And there wasn’t anything mean about him. I didn’t understand how you could live in a mean world and not have any of that meanness rub off on you.”

“He looked like an angel. And all I wanted to do was put my fist through his jaw. I couldn't stand my own cruelty.”

“One of the secrets of the universe was that our instincts were sometimes stronger than our minds. Another secret of the universe: Sometimes pain was like a storm that came out of nowhere.”

Shattered Glass by Dani Alexander

"Tell me something good about your life," I whispered, needing to hear that he wasn't as broken as I thought him to be.[...]"You." It was so quiet I almost didn't hear it.”

“Is he my competition?” I asked. “Everyone is your competition.” Peter lifted his hand to his eyes and began lowering it incrementally. “It goes normal human beings, crazies, republicans, my hand, imaginary characters, corpses and then, in a moment of lustful psychosis, you.” By the time he was done, his hand was below the table.

Romance 

Kiss The Sky by Krista & Becca Richie

“You’re not a pit stop. You’re my finish line. There’s no one after you.”

“People hope to touch the sky. I dream of kissing it.”

“I love the way he’s staring at me. It makes me feel more than just beautiful. I feel like I’m his. Like no one else could possibly compare to me. He doesn’t even have to say the words. I see it in his eyes. I can practically read it in his mind.”

“I’ve wanted so many things in life,” he says softly, “but you’re the one that has meant the most to me.”

Translation: I love you.”

Wallbanger by Alice Clayton

“You know those moments when everything is exactly the way it was meant to be? When you find yourself and your entire universe aligning in perfect synchronization, and you know you couldn’t possibly be more content? I was inside that very moment, and fully conscious of it.”

“The right woman for you wouldn't want you to change anything about your life. She wouldn't rock your boat, she'd jump right in and sail it with you.”

“It breaks my heart the way young girls pick themselves over, never thinking they're good enough. You make sure you always remember, you're exactly the way you're supposed to be. Exactly. And anyone who says otherwise, well, poppycock.”

Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover

“Ugly love becomes you. Consumes you. Makes you hate it all. Makes you realize that all the beautiful parts aren't even worth it. Without the beautiful, you'll never risk feeling the ugly. So you give it all up. You give it all up. You never want love again, no matter what kind it is, because no type of love will ever be worth living through the ugly love again.”

“Some people they grow wiser as they grow older. Unfortunately, most people just grow older.”

“Sometimes the spirit of a man isn't strong enough to survive the ghosts of his past”

“My grandfather used to say the placement of a birthmark was the story of how a person lost the battle in their past life. I guess you got stabbed in the neck. Bet it was a quick death, though.”

On Dublin Street by Samantha Young

“Gentlemen are gentlemen in bed. They make sure you're having a good time." "I'll make sure you're having a good time, and that you're okay with everything. I just won't be well mannered about it.”

“In truth it’s difficult to describe a broken heart.”

“Sometimes words aren’t needed for you to know a change has come upon you.”

Romance Series

Paper Princess by Erin Watt

“My skill, if I have one, isn’t dancing. It’s my ability to believe that tomorrow can be a better day.”

“My life is mine. I live it. I control it.”

“but a clean knife still makes a painful wound.”

“Fate is for the weak--those people who don't have enough power or will to shape life into what they need it to be.”

Foreplay by Sophie Jordan

“I’m not going to lie to you and convince you that I’m someone good and shiny like your guy that’s going to be a doctor.”

“You can’t even see it. I’m the safest thing you’ll ever find”

“That's what I wanted. Something to enrich me, to make me feel better about the things in my life that I could never change."

Wait for You by J.Lynn.  (AKA Jennifer L Armentrout) 

“You are really…” “Amazing? Awesome?” He paused, brows raised. “Astonishing?” “I was going to go with bizarre.” “Well, hell, if I had feelings that might actually hurt.”

“As long as the sun’s shining, shit can’t be that bad.”

The Deal by Elle Kennedy

“Sometimes people sneak up on you and suddenly you don’t know how you ever lived without them.”

“I want to murder him in his sleep, A. No, I want to murder him when he’s awake so he can see the joy on my face when I do it.”

“And the most important lesson I learned is that I’m not a victim—I’m a survivor.”

Romance w/ Epic Plots

The Unbecoming Of Mara Dyer by Michelle Hodkin

“This was the boy I loved. A little bit messy. A little bit ruined. A beautiful disaster. Just like me.”

“You could start a fire with the heat between you two.""You're mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection.”

“You're supposed to say, 'All I want is your happiness. I'll do whatever it takes, even if it means being without you.'""Sorry," Noah said. "I'm just not that big of a person.”

“I’ll walk forever with stories inside me that the people I love the most can never hear.”

“We are far too screwed up for a goddamned love triangle.”

“You will love him to ruins.”

The Winners Curse by Marie Rutkoski

“He knew the law of such things: people in brightly lit places cannot see into the dark.”

“Isn’t that what stories do, make real things fake, and fake things real?”

“The Winner’s Curse is when you come out on top of the bid, but only by paying a steep price.”

“The god of lies must love you, you see things so clearly.”

Obsidian by Jennifer L Armentrout (are you getting the idea I love everything she writes? because I do!)

“I've always found that the most beautiful people, truly beautiful inside and out, are the ones who are quietly unaware of their effect."

“More books." His eyes went wide. "You have, like, them books you just said you haven't read." "Doesn't mean I won't get more books."

Angelfall by Susan Ee

“I never thought about it before, but I'm proud to be human. We're ever so flawed. We're frail, confused, violent, and we struggle with so many issues. But all in all, I'm proud to be a Daughter of Man.”

“Sometimes, as we're stumbling along in the dark, we hit something good.”

“I knew from the start that your loyalty would get you killed. I just never thought it would be your loyalty to me that would do it.”

Unique Reads

Dont Look Back by Jennifer L Armentrout

“I was stuck in a life I didn't remember, squeezed into the shell of this girl - this Samantha Joe Franco - and the more I learned about her, the more I was starting to hate her.”

“Things aren’t perfect. They are far, far from it,but they are getting there, and I wasn’t looking back. Not when there were so many good things in the future.”

Verity by Colleen Hoover

“I wasn’t heroic. I wasn’t simple. I was difficult. An emotionally challenging puzzle he wasn’t up for solving.”

“A writer should never have the audacity to write about themselves unless they’re willing to separate every layer of protection between the author’s soul and their book. The words should come directly from the center of the gut, tearing through flesh and bone as they break free. Ugly and honest and bloody and a little bit terrifying, but completely exposed.”

“No one is likable from the inside out.”

“Find what you love and let it kill you.”

Painted Faces by L.H Cosway

“We all paint on a face to show the world," Nicholas replies philosophically. "For some of us, that's quite literal.”

“I love him because he makes me laugh when I don't feel like laughing. I love him because he challenges my view of what a man is. I love him because I know I shouldn't love him and that he'll break my heart. I love him because he's a complete and total anomaly. I love him because I want to kill the sadness inside him more than I want anything else in the world.”

“You saw me, changed my life, made it better, and I’m completely fucking in love with you.”

Sorcery of Thorns by Margret Rogerson

“It was always wise to be polite to books, whether or not they could hear you.”

“Knowledge always has the potential to be dangerous. It is a more powerful weapon than any sword or spell.”

“When terrible things have happened to you, sometimes the promise of something good can be just as frightening.”

“You belonged in the library, as much as any book.”

“You unmanageable, contrary creature. You have made me believe in something at last. It feels as wretched as I imagined.”

Obviously not every book is going to suit everyone, everyone has pet peeves, and things that they won’t enjoy but hopefully this gives you some variety and I personally loved them all at some point! Pls feel free to come to my ask/chats to discuss any of them  that would make me so happy <3 this took 4 hours damn

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a returning citizen in Mount Phoenix:

                     Lucas Walker, who is known by no other name;                                      a 30 year old son of Lei King.                                         He is a fighter at The Pits                                  and bartender at Visión / Ilusión.

FC NAME/GROUP: Christian Yu/DPR/Ex C-Clown CHARACTER NAME: Lucas Walker AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: September 6, 1990 | 30 PLACE OF BIRTH: Central, Hong Kong | Sydney, Australia OCCUPATION: Fighter at the Pits and Bartender at Vision HEIGHT: 5'10" | 176cm WEIGHT: 165lbs | 75kg DEFINING FEATURES: He has a large amount of tattoos, his most prominent being his full sleeve on his left arm that leads to a floral piece on his chest and shoulder blade. On the inside of his left bicep is the date 12.12.19 which is the birthdate of his daughter Jasmine. He has a few other small tattoos scattered on his body. His nose is pierced, on the left side and his septum is pierced along with doubles in both his ears.

PERSONALITY: Lucas was exposed to the worst things the world has to offer a child at a very young age. Leaving him a tough exterior and an injured idea of self-worth. He was forced to grow up very quickly and at a young age. Outside he portrays this “pissed at the world”, harsh, unpredictable, man but inside he’s just scarred and bruised from so many things that are always out of his control. His skin is tough but his heart is big, warm, and ready to love. The birth of his daughter kinda snapped him into reality and removed him from the land of self pity and dropped him right in the middle of acting like a responsible adult. He’s still getting the hang of this whole fatherhood thing, trying to act less reckless and uncaged so that he can be there for his daughter.

HISTORY: tw: death, loss, gang violence, gun violence, physical violence, torture, ptsd

Lucas was born in Hong Kong on September 6th, 1990. He was born to a very young woman who was barely 18 and couldn’t even afford to take care of herself let alone a baby. She left him outside of her local hospital after having him secretly at home. There was nothing the staff could do except take him in, take care of him and hand him over to the local orphanage. At six months old, he was adopted by a sweet couple from Sydney, Australia. He lived with them happily until he was eight years old when they were killed in a home invasion, the suspects left him there terrified at what he had witnessed. He was found by his aunt, his mother’s sister and the police left him in her care. Once everything was said and done, Lucas’ aunt was given custody of him and the perpetrators were still at large after almost a year of searching. After this, his aunt became his whole world, a young woman at only 24 now taking care of a nine year old boy full time. The two were each other’s rocks during the entire healing process.

Both sets of his grandparents tried suing for custody of him but, in the end his aunt won out as the best place for him. She didn’t live far from his parents so he didn’t have to change schools or make new friends. His aunt’s friends always questioned why she was willing to take in a primary school aged kid at such a young age but, the two were best friends even before his parent’s murder. She couldn’t imagine anyone else taking care of him or raising him.

As a child, Lucas was quiet and usually kept to himself. Not because he didn’t want to interact with other kids but, because he just enjoyed his alone time. He was quiet in school but insanely smart, yet when teachers tried putting him into more advanced classes he chose to stay with his same age classmates. His aunt Gabrielle tried to get him into sports, music, and the arts but no. He just liked to read on his own, spending time off in his own little world or playing outside in the woods behind their house by himself. Around his tenth birthday things began to go downhill for the dynamic duo. Gabrielle lost her job as the lead secretary of a law firm and she ended up stuck waiting tables at a local 24 hour diner - from 7pm to 4am.

Gabrielle did everything she could to give Lucas the life she felt he deserved after that, doing they best they could when they had to downsize into a small one bedroom apartment and her working more hours to keep food on the table. It was so bad, Gabrielle ended up having to take on a second job after her parents refused to help her saying “she got herself into his mess on her own, she had to get her and the kid out of this mess on her own.” Lucas felt awful watching his aunt struggle to make ends meet and he tried everything he could to help out at home. He kept the apartment clean, babysat their neighbor’s kids, walked dogs, mowed yards, sold newspapers, and just about anything he could as an eleven year old in the rough part of the city they lived in. The only thing he didn’t do was fall in with the gangs that promised to help him and his aunt if he joined up with them…

Eventually by the time was 13 almost 14, doing odd jobs just wasn’t cutting it anymore for him and his aunt wouldn’t let him get a “real job” because it was her responsibility has his guardian to provide for him or whatever. He didn’t understand the pride she held about the subject so he went around her. He started selling homework and test answers at school, stealing petty things and selling them to his classmates for inflated prices, and he even learned how to give stick n poke tattoos for a price. Lucas wasn’t a stupid kid, he just worked with the resources he had. This line of work he got himself into at school eventually lead to him making friends with a couple other kids that belonged to the gang that lived on his block.

Inevitably those friendships lead to him joining the ranks and getting him paid to do things that would probably lead to his aunt murdering him on sight for being an utter imbecile. He was smart though and knew how to get out of things that would get him in over his head. However, by the time he was 16 this group of “friends” are what caused him to discover one of his divine abilities. At first Lucas always just thought that his high pain tolerance was just a cool thing about him, he could get hit and keep going, stub his toe and not feel a thing, get shoulder checked and only stumble without wincing. It wasn’t until he got stabbed for the first time at 16 that he had a realization that what he could do wasn’t normal. He got stitched up and moved right along his day and the gang leader decided to use this to his advantage. Lucas was recruited to the fighting ring, when he got found out.

He didn’t want to do it but, he’d make good money at the underground fighting ring. So he fought, and he did a damn good job at it too. Especially once he found out he could make his opponents keel over in pain that wasn’t physical. Lucas had no idea how he did it or why he could do it but, at this point he was just doing whatever her could to win because if he won he got paid and if he lost he’d get killed. Since beating him up wasn’t an option. Gabrielle was already suspicious of him when he started getting piercings, dying his hair, then getting tattoos but the real cherry on top of her anger was him pulling up to their apartment complex on a second hand motorcycle her got from a fight bet. His aunt went off on him that night and he had no other choice but to come clean about everything. However, he wasn’t the only one with a bombshell to drop…

His aunt admitted that she found his original adoption records when he was younger after the transfer of guardianship was complete and she needed all his documents. Apparently his birth-mother never listed a father on his birth certificate but his birth-father did contact his parents after his adoption. Leaving a letter to give to him when he either turned 18 or “got in trouble”. She’d read it out of curiosity and refused to believe the contents. It sounded crazy to her that his father was some old Chinese god, she only assumed he was on drugs or something and was delusional. Until Lucas admitted to what he could do and even showed her… Those things are just not possible for anyone human.

There was a return address in the letter, somewhere he’d never heard of but he responded anyways. Hoping to get some more guidance or some closure perhaps. Surprisingly, Lucas didn’t freak out with the news. Perhaps in the back of his mind he always had an inkling that he wasn’t the same as everyone else… like he was inhuman. He never received another letter from Lei King but he did receive a map that had a hand drawn picture of an island off the coast of Korea circled. He put the map away and chose to come back to it later.

When he was 18 his world crumbled underneath his feet. The underground fighting ring he was now the star of got busted by the police. The silver lining was that he was found not guilty by the jury of his peers. His defense attorney did well at convincing them that he only did what he did to survive and that he was coerced at a young age by the gang leader. He and many other members of the gang that were manipulated as kids came forward against the leader, landing him in prison for the rest of his life. Lucas didn’t know what to do with this new found freedom other than finish school. Once he was fully graduated he tried to figure out what to do with his life, he didn’t have many skills outside of crime and he honestly hadn’t planned on either being alive by now or not in prison himself. His aunt tried to convince him to go to university but he didn’t want to do that, there wasn’t anything he wanted to get a degree in that he cared about.

Instead, he chose to leave. He left Sydney and went as far as he could, landing him in New York City. He had enough money put away to get him a small apartment there to set up as a “base camp” of sorts. From there he began traveling all over the world, picking up photography and a pursuit of knowledge. On his travels, he met an interesting group of people. Shady people that reminded him very much of his old gang. They were in Scotland when he met them, and they were nice enough so he traveled with them a bit. One night, the “leader” got a bit too drunk and began to spill some secrets, secrets that Lucas just couldn’t stomach.

You see, this group he stumbled upon were the same people that murdered his adopted parents right in from of his eyes as a child - and they were proud of it. When the cocky leader spilled the beans while intoxicated, Lucas steeled himself and held onto that information like a lifeline. He integrated himself with these people slowly, over a few weeks while back packing around Scotland with them. Eventually, Lucas found the perfect time to strike. One night when they were all camping together, Lucas waited until they were all asleep and started them all awake with a gunshot. Over the entirety of the night, Lucas tied up the group, beat them all with only his bare fists, and tortured all of them mentally until they admitted to remembering him as a child. When all was said and done, the group was left mentally broken, unable to properly function as people. He cleaned up his things, called for help, told the police of their crimes and got the hell out of there and out of the country.

After that he went back to New York, cleaned out his apartment and headed back to Sydney. The things he’d just done changed him inside, a dark spot on his soul seemed to only grow bigger. He never told his aunt what he did, or why he was so broken when he finally came home. He hadn’t been home in almost six years and now here he was showing up on her door step, a broken and traumatized man. While he was away his aunt got married to a beautiful and kind woman named Erica. Lucas apologized immensely for missing the wedding, he was in Mongolia at the time he got the invitation and couldn’t get out of the mountains until after the event passed. They were understanding and easily took him into their arms and comforted him.

Now, at 27 years old with no idea what else to do with his life. He started going to therapy but even he didn’t know where to begin to heal from everything that had been nonstop traumatizing in his life. He started working as a bartender to pass the time and make a bit of extra cash, working as a photographer, and doing legal fights here and there. He’s eased into a pretty calm time of his life where he’d finally started to heal. Then to top it all off, he fell in love. It was a passionate and all encompassing kind of love, the kind where they were actively planning their future together, ready to be in it for the long hall. Less than a year together and they were married, it was the happiest they had ever been in their lives. She was an old friend of his and they’d known each other their wholes lives practically. Once they got closer while working together and the bar they both bartended at, that was it. They were head over heels.

They were happily married for almost a year when his wife got pregnant with their little girl in 2018. It was a huge accomplishment for the two of them, going from being the worst examples of humanity as teens to happily married and starting a family together. They were beyond overjoyed and Luke was more than excited to become a father. However, nothing could have prepared them for the struggle his wife would go through while pregnant. Her health continued to decline as the pregnancy went on but, she refused to end it and save herself. Luke begged her to not go through with it, the doctor’s told her she probably wouldn’t survive but she decided to chose her baby over her own health. In the end, on December 12th, 2019 Jasmine Elaina Walker was born, perfectly healthy. As happy as Luke was to hold his baby girl in his arms, nothing prepared him for holding his wife’s hand as she slowly passed away…

It was hard. Hard to act like he wasn’t dying inside everyday because his wife was gone, all while taking care of a newborn and trying not to have a full on breakdown. His aunts were his backbone the first few months as he got back on his feet. His wife’s family was practically nonexistent, leaving him and his aunts alone to raise a baby on their own.

Luke has a very high pain tolerance but the pain of losing his wife was not something his divine abilities could help him with this time…

The first six months of Jasmine’s life was rough, Luke was dealing with both the grief of losing the love of his life while doing everything he could to be there for Jasmine. On the days he just didn’t want to get out of bed, when all he wanted to do was cry, Jasmine was there - always needing her father so he had no time to wallow in his misery. He had to get up, had to get dressed, had to shower, had to function. He had to go to work to keep her fed, to keep buying her diapers, to keep a roof over her head, and to keep her happy and healthy. Of course, his aunts helped out all they could and he couldn’t possibly explain how thankful he is for them. After Jasmine’s first birthday he was cleaning house and he found the map given to him by Lei King when he was a teenager, he did some research and found nothing until he one day got a letter from Hera who was supposedly on the City Council of this island he was skeptical even existed. She spoke to him and told him all about the city just for gods and other demigods like him.

Suddenly, Lucas go this overwhelming desire to go there. He needed to get away from Sydney, he needed to get them out of the house that he bought with his late wife. They needed a fresh start and this island seemed like a good place to give that a try. His aunts were worried about him leaving but, understood why he needed to go and why he needed to get away. They were worried about him obviously but, he got child care set up with Hera before he even moved. Having a barely one year old and becoming a full time single parent scared him but, he knew he could do it. By moving to this new city and finding new people to surround himself with, new places to explore, and new experiences to be had with his little girl. He was both terrified and excited to see what was in store with them on this fancy hidden island.

PANTHEON: Chinese CHILD OF:  Lei King POWERS: He has extremely high pain tolerance and can induce psychogenic pain in others. He also has the ability to call upon the sound of thunder at will. STRENGTHS: Intelligent, Adventurous, Creative WEAKNESSES: Impulsive, Stubborn, Reckless

[elleleh]

I've seen people talking shit about Joel, saying that he got what he deserved for all the shit he did, thing is that he admitted that he was not s good person, he even told Ellie in the first game that "he was once on the other side" when encountering an ambush, but he tried so fucking hard to atone for his crimes, he tried ti make himself a good person, believing he had a second chance at life when he started forming a father/daughter bond with Ellie

That argument is a moronic one anyway.

We all know Joel did bad things in his past. That’s no secret to anyone who has played TLOU, but that was the appeal of the first game. To show his humanity and how even our protagonist isn’t a perfect person. He wasn’t a black and white, good vs evil hero. He was a man who lived through his daughters death and tried to keep him and his brother alive during the start of the infection. He didn’t kill people because he liked it? He did it to survive. (To Tommy: -For all those years I took care of us. You survived because of me!)

The whole point of TLOU was Found Family; to show the bond develop between Joel and Ellie. As it deepened into a Father/Daughter dynamic, we all wondered how Joel would cope with losing Ellie to develop a cure. But then he surprised us by being what some would call “selfish”. He decided that, no, Ellie was his daughter and he was not going to let this world claim another kid from him. He did what any other parent would do when put in that situation, just like when he protected Tommy through any means necessary.

The fact that anyone is trying to sell the garbage opinion of “Joel hurt a lot of people and stole the cure from the world so he deserves to die” is the trashiest thing I’ve read in a while because we aren’t in a fucking child’s cartoon. We are in “real life”, and real life is ugly and messy. The same cannot be said for the sequel and in favor of Joel’s death, however, because you’ve already built up these characters as figures we love and want to continue enjoying in the story. The sequel has a lot of balls killing off THE protagonist and claim it as “justice” for the “horrible acts” he committed in his past (as if literally anyone in this universe isn’t guilty of that). If Abby was given a voice in TLOU then it would be a different story, but guess what? She didn’t. She’s a needless tack on to a story she doesn’t belong in because this story, at its core, isn’t about breaking a cycle of violence or forgiveness (its a zombie game, guys. Jfc). It’s about Joel and Ellie’s relationship, doing whatever it takes to protect the people you love and damn the consequences.

TLOU 2 feels very much like a backstab to what we built up in TLOU. Joel wanted to spend the rest of his days with his daughter because he didn’t get that chance when his first daughter died, but gets killed off only 4 years after our first plot in front of her by some nobody. Ellie is afraid of being alone so much that she confronts Joel in TLOU, telling him that without his presence she’d just be more scared, but is punished for wanting vengeance for Joel by ending up all alone. No wife/gf, no child, no life with the others she loves. No... just all alone.

The gameplay, sound, and visuals might be good, but this sequel basically went out of its way to kill, in one sense of the word or another, our two main’s and call it a justified and solid story.

[bre-meister]

could you write something about claire comforting leon after vendetta? loving your cleon fics! 😊

So this kind of combined with a fic I was already in the process of writing. Then I re watched Vendetta and it grew even more. I’m still trying to decide if I want to make it a super long one-shot or a multi chap. yet so here, take this sneak peek to tie you over until then! ( Also I don’t have a title for this yet lol, suggestions are welcome). Writing under the cut but be warned it is super angsty and is heavily focused on the topic of addiction so if that is a trigger for you please do not read this. ( Also also, writing addiction is super hard ya’ll)

It’s an inarguable fact that the mission went south. Further than south actually...Leon wasn’t sure if there was an actual word or phrase for how things ended. They’d been so close….so close. But so close doesn’t mean shit when you essentially lead a whole team of agents to their death.

Deep down Leon knows it wasn’t really his fault - they’ ed been ratted out and on top of that they were all just doing their jobs. Jobs for which everyone knew the risks but accepted them anyway. He tries to remind himself that he barely made it home at all - a fact that was becoming scarily too common. But at the end of the day, when the facts were laid bare, it was impossible for him to ignore his guilt due to his actions, or lack of, in what transpired. Leon got to go home, no matter how emotionally or physically battered, he’s home surrounded by his wife and his two little girls. Several of his team members had families - wive, husbands, and kids that will never get to see them again.

Claire tells him every night in bed as she holds him tight - not to break him but to hold him together - that he did everything he could. That he always does everything he can but sometimes, they just can’t save everyone. But he wants to. He desperately wants to. It’s why he became a police officer, why he specifically requested to be placed in Raccoon, why he drove all the way to a doomed city despite being told to stay away. It’s why he continues to help Ada no matter her misguided morals and sense of self-preservation. Most importantly, it’s why he even began his current job - to protect Sherry. He’d do anything for that girl. In a way, she was his first daughter.

So, he tries to believe what his wife tells him. He tried to bury himself in his work like always, something that has lead to many a disagreement between him and Claire. That only took him so far considering a few weeks after coming home he received a call from Hunnigan informing him that he was being given “vacation” to recover after such a taxing mission - in reality, he knew to was more because of his resurfacing self- destructive and obsessive behavior. When that fell through he began to live and breathe his daughters even more so than usual. That only takes him so far considering, during the day, Isabelle was at school, Claire had work, and little Olivia spent the day at daycare. Technically, now that he was home all the time, Liv didn’t have to go but both he and Claire agreed that no matter how much the little girl would prefer to stay home with Daddy it would be better not to interrupt her routine. His “vacation” really is only temporary and eventually, the daycare would have to start again which means the fight to get Olivia to attend would start again and that was something both parents would rather avoid.

 So, with a guilty conscious and an empty house, Leon did the only thing he could think of - drinking. Alcohol was his main crutch back in the day before he reconnected with Claire. It had taken a good while for him to turn his life around back then and he’s not proud of himself for re-lapsing but in this moment of weakness with no one to stop him…

That’s a lie and you know it. You have plenty of reasons not to do it. Three in fact. They’ll be home soon...do you really want them to see you like this?

 No. The answer was always no. Of course, he didn’t want his family to see him like this and of course, they were a dam good reason to turn away from the bottle. But, one thing Leon has learned in his life is that what should be easy hardly ever is. He doesn’t want his daughters to see him like this so, his solution? Hideaway, keep to himself. 

Separating himself from his family seemed like a good solution but as he spends more and more time away from them, separated by a wall of his own creation, he feels worse. Leon constantly found himself asking, over and over why he does what he does, why he keeps going. Claire, Isabelle, and Olivia were always the answer to those questions so the distance slowly building in their relationships only aided in worsening his guilt and anxieties. So he leans even harder on the Scotch. This means he separates himself even more - a vicious cycle that he can’t see an end to. 

When did you start asking the same questions about your personal life that you did your work? There was supposed to be a separation. Not anymore. Look what you’re doing to yourself, you’re miserable. Your family is miserable. Is that what you want? 

No. The answer is always no. He doesn’t mean to hurt them but he is. Which is why Claire’s words shouldn’t have been surprising.

“You need to leave.”

“What?” He couldn’t have heard her right.

 “I’m serious Leon. I don’t want to have to do this but you have left me no choice. Your complete and utter...disregard for yourself - I don’t want the girls to have to see this. They idolize you and currently, this is killing them to see you like this. Hell, it’s killing me!”

Silence is the only answer he can give her. Currently, his mind is to clouded to argue, and quite frankly, he doesn’t want to.

“Nothing. You have nothing to say? After everything we’ve been through?”

“Angel, I -” She cut him off before he could finish. Honestly, he didn’t know how he was going to finish.

“No, don’t Angel me. That would only make this harder. Look I know addiction is complicated and it’s not an easy thing to conquer by any means. I want to help you but right now I have to put our daughter’s first. I’ll help you all that I can but you need to leave until you decide you want help.”

“Claire, I do but... I don’t like what I’m becoming but I can’t. I don’t - “

“If you really mean that you’d be able to properly communicate it with me. Until then you need to go find out what the hell it is you want from life. I love you, Leon. The girls love you too, you’re their Daddy but you have to start making an effort to at least try.”

At that she grabs his face, gently - Claire is always gentle with him - and she kisses him. It feels like a goodbye. Or at least, it should. In reality, he just feels numb. When they break apart she holds him tight, with the hope that maybe, if she holds tight enough, she can keep him together.

“Take some time.” she says, “You just need some time for yourself to find out what you need. And once you do I’ll be here to help you get it.”

And that was that. He’d held her tight as well and then he packed a bag and left. Leon said his goodbyes to his daughters that night as they slept. When they awoke he would be gone and there would be tears but he didn’t have it in him in his current state to face them in their little faces and explain why he had to go away for a little bit.

 He was a good man once, Claire said he still was, that he had just lost his way for a little bit. He hopes she’s right and that he can become the man that he was once - the husband and the father that he yearns to be.

 So, he takes some time to himself in a quaint town in Colorado. Or at least he tried to until the BSAA’s Golden Boy and Doctor High Hopes jacked his “vacation”.

[waywardnewcomer]

Built in Best Friends Part Four

 A/N: Sorry this took so long, for a while there this story became my own life and I had my heart broken. It was hard to relive it all, but I’m finally over it, I hope you enjoy my pain.

Summary: Tom gets a new girlfriend and becomes a dick.

Warnings: Tom is a dick. Very angsty

Pairings: Reader x Tom Padalecki, Tom x OC, Jensen x Daughter!Reader, Danneel x Daughter!Reader, Jensen x Daneel

Word Count: 1.3k

Previous Part Series Masterpost Masterlist

The next time you even got a whiff of a party buzz going around the school you encouraged Tom to go, not wanting him to miss out on his teenage years. You, however, were never going to have normal teenage years because anxiety plagued your bones. You helped him get ready and left him to his own devices on the promise he gave you the low down the next day. It took everything in you not to check up on him and text him that night. It was his night of fun. You couldn’t burden him like you always did. Instead you had a family movie night and an early night, spending some much needed time with your siblings.

The next morning it barely hit 9am when Tom burst through your bedroom door and jumped on your bed to wake you up, laying in the space beside you.

“Do you have a death wish Padalecki?” You hissed at him eyes still tightly shut.

“Come on Y/N it’s 9am, don’t you want to hear about my steamy kiss with Sasha?” He laughed making you shoot up. “That got your attention.” He smirked.

“You kissed her?” You asked, ignoring the sickly feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“Yup, and it gave me butterflies. Swarms of them Y/N!” He gushed making you feel guilty for being jealous while he was so happy.

“That’s brilliant Tom!” You forced out, smiling tightly.

“We’re going on a date this afternoon, soo I need you to help me pick out an outfit? Pretty please with cherries on top.” He begged making you giggle.

“Fine, only if it will be worth my time afterwards.” You laughed at his puppy face.

“Pizza and Disney marathon tomorrow?” He asked and you nodded.

Hearing about Sasha made your heart clench and every day you realised how stupid you were for falling for your best friend. He was heart-wrenchingly happy, it was a completely bittersweet feeling towards your best friend. If that wasn’t bad enough when he finally asked her out, you felt sick to your stomach. Then he started to drive her to school and she had to sit in the front, or she’d throw a bitch fit and toss you a dirty look. Then she sat with you two at lunch constantly giving you disgusted looks as you joked with Tom. You started seeing Tom less and less because he was always with her.

“It worries me Tom, I get that she’s your girlfriend but what if I have a panic attack and I need you and you’re not there? What if you’re with her?” You asked him one night, tearing up a little at the thought.

“Y/N listen to me. You’re my best friend, nothing will ever change that. You come first. Always.” He spoke, grabbing the sides of your head and looking into your eyes. Didn't really help with the whole crush thing either.

But little by little the strong bond between you two began to break. He wasn’t always there for you when you needed a little reassurance or pick me up. You turned to your family instead, but it would never be the same as your best friend. Your parents began tossing you worried looks whenever you came to them with the problem knowing they were never your first port of call, ever since you could talk it was Tom. It was always Tom.

You hit a breaking point when you sat down at your usual lunch table and he wasn’t there. You looked around nervously, you didn’t have any other friends and you couldn’t eat in front of all these people alone. Then you spotted him. Sat at the table with the jocks and his cheerleader girlfriend laughing not even looking over at your sad face. You quickly texted him asking if he was going to join you, to see him take his phone out look at the text and put it back in his pocket as if it was nothing. That was the stinger. You almost ran out of the cafeteria and into the library a quiet space you could collect your thoughts and focus on not crying. 

“Psst.” You heard someone whisper making you look up around you, eyes locking on a brunette girl passing you a note. You recognised her as Penny from your French class and gave her a smile.

You okay? You look kinda lonely and upset.

Just friend issues, thank you for asking. You wrote on the slip of paper and passed it back.

Wanna get out of here? You looked up at her and nodded softly.

She led you to a picnic bench outside and got out her lunch and some notes from one of her classes and smiled at you.

“Look, I know what it’s like to feel lonely. I don’t have many friends around here and the ones I do have are in lunchtime detention.” She rolled her eyes making you giggle. “But you don’t have to be, you’re always welcome to hang out with me.”

“Thanks Penny, it means a lot.” You smiled at her gratefully and got out your lunch taking little nibbles, feeling weirdly comfortable around her already.

“Anytime.” She smiled. You spent the rest of lunch getting to know Penny and hearing stories about her troublesome friends making you laugh harder than you have in a while.

Although he had hurt you, you were looking forwards to seeing Tom at the end of the day so you could confront him about lunch. However, standing outside the front of school for the past 20 minutes wasn’t looking good. You texted him only to be left on read, making you sigh in frustration. He would feel your wrath when you got a hold of him. You looked at the time and sighed knowing your parents would still be working at the brewery so ringing them for a lift wasn’t an option and all of the buses had left 10 minutes earlier. You had no other option but to walk and it looked like the skies were about to open. Lucky you.

You finally arrived home half an hour later soaked to the bone and sniffling slightly. You slammed the door and dripped water all over the floor making your parents look up at you from where they had just sat down.

“Why are you dripping? You need to get out of those clothes before you get sick.” Your Mom asked sounding worried, rushing to get you a towel.

“Didn’t Tom give you a lift?” Your Dad asked confused.

“He didn’t show so I texted him and got left on read.” You grumbled.

“That’s not like Tom, maybe he wrote the message and forgot to press send. Something must have come up.” Your Mom said thoughtfully.

“He did the same at lunch to.” You mumbled.

“He left you at lunch? He knows how anxious you get eating around people!” Your Dad grumbled angrily. “Did you eat?” He asked you a little softer, looking in your miserable eyes.

“Yeah I sat with a girl from my French class called Penny. She looked after me, don’t worry.” You flashed a fake smile at them that clearly didn’t meet your eyes.

“That’s not the point, Tom shouldn’t have left you.” Your Mom pointed out.

“I’m not his child, he doesn’t have to do anything. Plus, his girlfriend is his first priority.” You sighed making your parents raise their eyebrows. “Now I’m gonna go shower I am freezing.” You mumbled making your way up the stairs and missing the way your parents stared after you sadly.

After your shower you began to feel more and more angry with Tom. You felt like you deserved an explanation, he had left you twice today and potentially going to make you sick. You saw his shadow behind his curtains on his bed watching TV so you knocked on the wall and waited for him to come over. After 5 minutes and still no sign of him you knocked again and furrowed your brows, usually he came over in a flash. Especially when you knocked, it was your secret code. You heard your phone ping and as you looked at the message you felt your heart break a little inside.

Busy. Leave me alone.

Next Part

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[fiercestpurpose]

hi u talked about how jean often gets overlooked as a mother, would u be willing to talk more about it? its really curious to me how scott is often associated with the role of 'father' and his relationships with nathan and rachel, how he 'failed them etc, gets talked about to death but people dont talk about jeans as much. anyways would love to hear what u have to say!

Hi! I really have three main categories of thoughts about this: Jean’s relationship with Rachel, Jean’s relationship with Cable, and Jean’s relationship with the idea of family/her own motherhood.

Jean’s relationship with Rachel is… complicated. First of all, Jean is incredibly important in Rachel’s life, but it’s not always our (616) Jean. Rachel is obviously the biological daughter of another woman, 811 Jean, and that woman raised her and was her mother until she died when Rachel was about 8 (well before the rest of Rachel’s X-Men did). Losing a parent that young is frequently very traumatic and defining, and it certainly was for Rachel, so she develops this relationship that is not so much with Jean as it is with Jean’s death. She comes to the 616 and she learns that Jean is already dead, and she vows to reclaim the name Phoenix and honour her mother’s memory (even though 616 Jean is not really her mother). And then, at least twice during the Cross-Time Caper, Rachel has to watch different universe’s versions of Jean die, trying and failing to save her. So Rachel has this whole relationship with Jean as a concept, with Jean dying and leaving her, before she and 616 Jean ever develop a real relationship with each other.

And sometimes, people (fans and writers both) use Rachel’s preexisting relationship with Jean As A Conceptual Mother as evidence that 616 Jean doesn’t really count as Rachel’s mother. However, 616 Jean and Rachel do have a relationship. It starts with Jean rejecting Rachel, denouncing her because she doesn’t accept the future that Rachel represents and doesn’t want to consider her as her daughter. She later apologizes for this, saying that she shouldn’t have pushed her problems onto Rachel because they weren’t Rachel’s problems to deal with. And we see them hug and make up and it’s clear that they consider each other family.

That relationship, the daughter viewing her mother as a concept more than a person, the mother pushing her problems onto the daughter and trying not to accept the future that she thinks the daughter represents, reads to me as a very believable mother-daughter relationship. The circumstances are a little strange, but the emotions are familiar. Many children have a hard time adjusting to seeing their parents as their own people. Many parents have a hard time recognizing their grown children as being their own people and also their children. It’s a very complex relationship that’s certainly worth exploring, and referencing it only when they want to make a joke of it (as X-Men Gold and All-New X-Men both did) is a sign of writers who are not really invested in the emotional lives of those characters.

Onto Cable! In some ways, Jean’s relationship with him is a lot simpler because he is actually and inarguably her child. To be clear, she’s not his biological mother, and we’re going to put her blood relationship to his biological mother aside because it’s not actually that important. Jean is his mother because she raised him. In X-Factor vol 1, she becomes one of his primary caregivers once his mother is out of the picture, largely because she is dating his father at the time. (I’m not going to get into the whole Sinister-creating-Maddy-to-breed-with-Scott thing or the Maddy-living-in-Jean’s-head thing. It’s messy and it complicates things, but it doesn’t change the basic facts of Jean’s situation.) Jean in X-Factor is a co-parent with a day job, a woman who’s responsible for feeding the baby and changing his diapers and helping teach him how to walk and talk and keeping him safe from harm (that time she takes him into a fight excluded, of course). The first manifestation of baby Christopher’s psychic powers is that he and Jean share a special telepathic bond. It’s hard to tell how long this goes on for (comic timelines are, as always, vague and difficult to pin down), but it’s at least several months.

After Simonson’s run on X-Factor, baby Christopher is removed from the picture by being sent off to the far-future — only to be raised by Slym and Redd, who are, of course, Scott and Jean. As a Scott fan, a Jean fan, and a Scott/Jean fan, I’m always surprised and frustrated by how little The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix gets referenced. This is years of their lives that they spend raising their son. Specifically, twelve years, which is quite a long time, and means that Cable is probably 13 by the time Slym and Redd have to leave. Redd is the mother that Cable remembers when he grows up. She’s the one who rocks him to sleep, who negotiates with his father about how to properly raise their son, who does everything in her power to protect him while continuing to participate in a secret rebel organization. And the telepathic connection he had to her resurfaces, so that they are able to fight together on the astral plane.

(If you ever want to cry about Scott/Jean or Cable’s childhood or the Summers family in general, I highly recommend The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix. I will forgive Lobdell any number of crimes because he gave us such an excellent miniseries.)

But she isn’t just there during his childhood. Jean has a relationship with her adult son as well. They work together as X-Men many times, before and after she realizes that he is her son. Of course, there are those incredibly cute panels you may have seen of Scott and Jean and Cable all getting together to celebrate Christmas. And after the defeat of Apocalypse, when Scott is believed to be dead, Jean and Cable become especially close. It is Jean that Cable confides in, sharing with her his feelings, his loss of purpose now that his war is over, how hard it is for him to be vulnerable again. And when Jean thinks Scott is still alive but no one else believes her, Cable is the one who comes with her and helps her bring him back. Unfortunately, post-Search for Cyclops, Morrison comes in, and Morrison has no interest in love or families and does have an interest in killing Jean off to further his ship.

Prime Cable is dead now, of course, so I cannot hope that writers will explore that relationship any further. (EDIT: Oh, yeah, he maybe sort of came back again in a comic last month. Clearly that shocking turn of events made a big impression on me.) I did enjoy getting to see Jean and Hope bond after his death over the love they shared for him, and I can wish that the writers will carry that relationship forward. As for Bable (baby Cable), he’s an angry teenager who experienced the events of The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4 about three or four years ago. He’s angry, he’s upset, he’s lashing out by killing his future self. There could be something really interesting there, in Jean’s relationship with Bable, if they chose to remember that he’s still the kid she raised. Her place as the mother of a rebellious teenager is complicated because he’s both the boy who brought her husband back to life and the boy who killed the adult son that she loved. If writers looked past the soap opera of it all to actually acknowledge the emotions involved, they’d see there was an interesting story there, one that is not just about the Scott/Cable relationship but necessarily involves Jean as well.

I’m sure there are things to be said about Stryfe and Nate Grey, but I honestly do not know or care enough about alternate versions of Cable to really have a coherent picture of Jean’s relationship with them, so I’m gonna skip that.

Next, I want to talk about Jean’s relationship with the concept of family. I would like to mention (as I always do), that Jean’s entire family — her parents, her siblings, and her siblings’ children — were murdered by aliens. How she feels about this is a mystery, as the comics have not addressed it at all, but she might feel guilty, because though it’s not her fault, they were killed because of her. She might also feel guilty because while family in the abstract is very important to her, her relationship with them was strained and she wasn’t as close to them as she’d like to be. She might also feel angry as hell that somebody decided to murder her family despite them doing absolutely nothing to provoke it. Any of those emotional responses would influence how she relates to her children and her granddaughter. Maybe she becomes a little more attached and attentive because she has no other family left. Maybe she distances herself from them out of grief. Maybe she rounds up her incredibly angry son and takes him into the stars to attack aliens so they can be angry together. I think any of those, done properly, could be interesting and in-character for her, and I just want some writer to acknowledge Jean as a character with her own history and her own relationships that shape her actions.

Finally, Jean’s relationship with the concept of her own motherhood. Jean is someone who wanted and expected to be a mother. I usually tend to read Jean as coming from a more traditional and conservative family, but I don’t think that’s an adequate explanation. I think Jean genuinely wants children. In X-Factor, she says, “I always thought we’d have a girl,” when talking to Scott, showing that she had thought about children being part of their future. When she talks to Rachel about her upcoming marriage to Scott, she mentions that she thinks it likely that another Rachel will be born. She wants kids, she’s seen them as part of her future for a long time, and then she got them! She got to be a mother, to Nathan Christopher and to Rachel, as explained above. I think a woman who wanted to be a mother and now is a mother should be allowed to have real relationships with her children. This isn’t like Emma, whose distance from the Cuckoos can be read as her viewing herself more as their teacher than their mother, since Emma always understands herself as a teacher. When Jean holds a baby in X-Men Red and winks at the mother and tells her that she’s implanted a psychic suggestion he not cry so much, that’s because Jean has been responsible for a baby before. Being a mother is part of who Jean is, just like it’s part of who Jubilee is or who Sue is, and I wish that writers and fans understood that.