#how to deal with negative thoughts

[the-oracle-of-the-lost]

since i'm already sharing Thoughts about the new episode i might as well say that i'm uh. pretty concerned about how Omega will be written next episode because RTD really seems to like lifting villains from classic who, taking some of their aesthetics, and then simplifying their character/motives to "wants to destroy the world". like it's happened with the Master (which to be fair is at least sorta in line with how they've always been written), it happened with Rassilon, it's happened with Sutekh (again, a little understandable), now it's happened with the Rani, and i doubt Omega will be any different which is a shame! because i genuinely think Omega is the best written of any Time Lord "villain" characters. he's meant to be a tragic figure who was betrayed by the same people who honor him as a hero, his whole story in classic who of a man who gave everything for the betterment of his people only to be consigned to nonexistence only hanging on through his own belief is startlingly good even before going through how the EU expanded his character and i'm sure 100% of that nuance is about to be lost given how full next episode will be.

[butchcaseyjones]

“something must have warped you when you were little” but i feel like the more interesting option (and this is what i think is probably canon) would be if nothing super huge and traumatizing happened to misty as a child. it would make sense, of course, for a character like her to have been abused or something similar, but it would be infinitely more interesting if she was always Like This to some degree. of course she was canonically bullied and excluded, and i believe she was probably neglected/ignored/whatever by her parents (or else they probably would’ve done something about her being Like This), but that Something that makes her Like This has always been present. we’ll never know what is wrong with her, and neither will she, but it’s inherent and it will never go away. it’s scarier and more tragic to think that the Something that has marked you as different, isolated you, and meant you will be perceived as evil and broken for your whole life was always part of you. it’s not something that can be cured or even explained. it’s you. there was never any hope. 

[macchiatosdumptruck]

Me: I'm over CK. It can't hurt me anymore.

Me, as soon as I think about it for more than 13 seconds:

[theyarebothgunshot]

the show is not making it easy to be an alobby truther, but i am still here.

i think alobby still makes the most sense, because we've got:

a whole lot of foreshadowing, throughout the whole season, but also during this episode

the script leak that was verbatim the last scene of the ep but just the bobby call got cut. i am choosing to believe they decided to cut that scene and draw the resurrection out

the lack of real emotional scenes in this episode which makes me think that bobby will be alive (not that it makes any sense either way, even if he is gonna end up being alive, the characters should still feel the impact and the audience should see it on screen in order to even justify this storyline but okay)

weird social media posts (the wording) from cast

if dobby, then:

the heavyhanded foreshadowing that leads to nothing was cruel

the script leak was either a joke (for the cast. not for us, just to be clear) or tm decided to change things up last minute to spite us all

the lack of emotional goodbye (both in episode and the weird sm stuff) kind of feels like a disservice to the character and peter

........so i am choosing to believe in alobby. for my health :)

[gaylactic-fire]

I don't know whether I'm impressed or concerned that they took the worst shrine in BOTW as EoW inspiration 💀

[luv-again]

hardly did enough writing tonight. hit 3k words with this day 1 piece though. worried it might be the only thing I get done for the week once it rolls around but I'm hoping by all means that it isn't. I just,, don't have a lot of time

I have to keep fending off the insecurity that everything I write no one's going to like bc it's starting to get a bit asinine atp. there's so much of my stuff for this week that I'm gatekeeping for no real reason other than I'm afraid no one cares

like,, I have so much fun writing in my own little world but the minute I realise I'm showing the world this too (eventually), I get super worried that everything I've ever done is boring and derivative and I'm gonna get shit for it

it really does go in roundabouts. ik I'll be fine the next time I get around to writing but MAN could I just be cool for one second fr. I feel like a fucking clown when I'm like this

[alternautxyz]

uuhhh in other new that lmk s5 trailer dropped and people are very

mixed

for context the new season is being partly animated by wildbrain i think. flying bark is still working on the show but probably due to all the other projects they've been working on like the atla movie the animation is off.

its understandable that people are upset. lmk has some of the most consistently dynamic and lively animation ive ever seen, and going from that to ok animation kinda sucks. as a culmination of a lot of what the series has been building up to people were inevitably going to be disappointed

at the same time people shouldnt harass animators. like ever. no amount of trying to petition or anything will change the s5, people are just trying to do their job and theres no probably no major changing to the finished product by now. and theres still a lot of that lmk charm in there, and we haven't even seen the whole season yet to judge it. flying bark is still working on it, and even if the animation never reaches the peak of the old seasons it still has the same writers so at least the writing has the chance to live up old standards. idk though we'll just have to wait and see

[quibbs126]

I don’t want to die

I’m not at risk of it at the moment or anything, I’m as fine as ever and not in any danger. Only thing that might be a potential factor is my extremely unhealthy diet of junk food, fast food and ice cream, but I mean, I can change that; at this rate, I probably will sometime soon because I’m really noticing it

It’s just that the thought of death came back in my mind and it won’t let me sleep. It comes to mind on occasion and I hate when it does

Nothing terrifies me more than death. Like I may have a very low opinion of myself and think people are better off not interacting with me, and I really wouldn’t be surprised if I have depression, but I will never reach the point of wanting death because that is the thing that scares me most of all

Because I don’t know what happens when I die. And what scares me most is that there’s nothing after it, I will simply cease to be, for the rest of existence

I really want to believe that this isn’t the case. The form I personally really want to believe is real is reincarnation, with the idea I can live life over and over again, even if I won’t remember this one. At least I’ll exist and be able to experience life. But I have no concrete proof that this is the truth, or that there is any afterlife. I don’t have anything to tell me that nothingness isn’t what comes after, and that scares me

And what’s worse, I don’t know when I’ll die. Ideally, I live a long life. But anything can happen, death is random. I could die at any time, not expecting it at all. I could drop dead tomorrow for all I know, from some freak accident. But I don’t want to die

I think this fear of death is why I’m generally such a coward, and it probably extends to me being generally a pushover and people pleaser. I fear death, and thus I fear danger. It’s why I don’t like heights or deep water or rickety things I have to stand on, because something could go wrong and I die. But then that definition of “danger” broadens to outside the realm of things that could kill me, and it makes me not want to step outside of my bubble ever, leaving me very socially isolated and stuck in my room as much as possible. I don’t know, I’m not sure how to articulate my logic here all that well

But outside of the fear of what comes after, another reason I don’t want to die, at least not now, is because I know that at this point if I do, there will be nothing to remember me by. I haven’t achieved anything important in my life. Sure, my family and close friends would mourn me, but I will never eternally be remembered. The sound of my voice will be lost to time, my face will be forgotten. I know it’s probably selfish and egotistical to want this, to want to have something the world will remember me by, to make myself leave a permanent impact on the world, but it’s what I want. I don’t want to be forgotten in a few decades because I never did anything important

But I don’t know when the day I’ll have that everlasting contribution to the world will come. I still haven’t accomplished anything, and I’m still stuck in the mindset I’ll make my mark on the world one day and I just have to wait for then, and thus not actually working towards it. But I’m 21, I’ll have time to figure this out and do it one day

That’s one of the things that keeps me going, that one day I’ll do something important, that I’ll leave my mark on the world that can never be taken away, even long after I die

But if I die in a random accident within the next few years or so, long before my life should realistically be over, then it will all be for nothing. There was no point to my life, to all the time I put into meaningless things that in the moment brought me joy, but overall didn’t contribute to anything. It would be all for nothing

So I want to stay safe. And I don’t want to die

Sorry, I know this is all probably a lot more intense than my normal stuff and probably way too personal, especially for a random tumblr blog. It’s just that the thought of it was keeping me up and absolutely terrifying me, and I thought writing it all down, and actually sharing it with some facet of the world would help me get it out of my system

I’m perfectly fine, these are thoughts that pop into my head on occasion. It’s just that normally it’s earlier in the day so I have an easier way to distract myself from these sorts of thoughts, and it’s not while I’m in bed trying to sleep. Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing to be concerned over. These are normal thoughts for me, and this brand of thought doesn’t happen that often anyways. And if it does, I just try to find ways to get it out of my head

I want to say it’s out of my system now, but I’m not sure. I may post random other Transformers thoughts to clear it even more. That’s how you fall asleep, to the thought of interpersonal fictional character drama (said lightheartedly, but legit that’s what I do in bed at night. It’s just that right now, the drama is between gay robot aliens. The plots tend to repeat but oh well)

[ysaefinn]

And like.. I don't think anyone is this unemployed but do people actually check the following status before interacting? Do you not see a comment or an ask and go ":D"

[langernameohnebedeutung]

There is something to be said for the period in early season 3 that Don E is working for Angus and becomes more and more disillusioned because Angus (surprise, surprise) treats him with extreme condescension, bosses him around, insults him etc. and favours another lackey (Dino) over him. But the irony is, the way Angus treats Don E in those episodes is not so different from the way we see Blaine treat most of his employees.

It's just that with Blaine, Don E is the exception to this treatment because he's his special little guy who gets away with treason and gets included in his plans etc. But here he is getting treated like the others.

[stupendousfoxtrash]

Found out that one of my loans (that is now in a consumer proposal) is allowed and going to report that I am not making payments to them for the entire ~5 years it takes to pay off my proposal. It has already tanked my credit score 100 points in the few months since they started doing that. So excited to see how low it can get! The guy at the loan place felt genuinely sorry and worried for me and told me to try not to let it affect my mental health! Landlords won’t even look at me because my credit is literally in the toilet! So uh. I’m drinking. Found this in the fridge to start with until my wine is cold enough to drink.

And then idk I guess I’m gonna figure out how to make ten thousand dollars really fast so I can pay this proposal off.

Oh also Donut Flord won a majority in Ontario election again, somehow. More than half of people didn’t vote. And a solid chunk that did don’t understand that provincial and federal politics are separate. So things are rad.

[gentlenotes-moved]

i remember quite a long time ago when i was like 8 and i was at my grandma's house crying about something small and i was so confused why i was so upset about it. my grandma said "well, you might be angry about a lot of things right now, and it's all building up" and i sat there thinking that that was the most idiotic thing i've ever heard. but like. 10 years later and i'm in the exact situation she was describing.

[manasurge]

.

[dizzying-waves]

Yeah, I know the ML special came out but I'm not interested in watching it.

Not because I think it's going to be bad or anything. I'm just so burnt out on the show.

[clowngremlin]

basically made dinner all by myself today (older brother only seasoned our chicken breasts and i did the rest of everything)......i cooked raw meat which is something i don't do very often and was worried about, but everything turned out great!!! i also did my laundry today, took the dog for a walk and fed him and have been on top of making sure his water dish is always full, loaded the dishwasher with dirty dishes (idk how to turn it on, i'm gonna ask my dad how to do it when he gets home so i can begin to do it by myself!), did some drawing, wrote in my journal, and pulled myself out of a depressive spiral i was having earlier in the day!!!! really beating the "spencer can't take care of himself or do anything ever" allegations......