#humans are wierd

[spacexchaos]

Alien: human… why do you have a small predator in your home?

Human: predator?? Oh you mean Mr. Fluffy Buns? that’s my pet cat!

Alien: your pet?? you willingly keep this predator?

Human: oh he’s just a baby! Look at my baby!

Mr. Fluffy Buns: meow 👁️👁️

Alien: *sweating*

[vampireapple]

Petty Arguments

It took a really, really long time for aliens to catch onto the petty, nonsensical, unimportant, unfathomable arguments and opinions that humans chose as their hill to die on.

These absurd stances included, but were not limited to:

            -did cereal count as soup?

            -what letters were even and what letters were odd?

            -where hamburgers sandwiches?

            -did a toothbrush get wet before or after the toothpaste was on it?

            -was water wet?

            -could the human body tell the difference between wet and cold?

 These questions were illogical, but if one was asked, all humans in the immediate vicinity formed a hard and fast opinion and squabbling would ensue.

 .  .  .

 Human 1: All vowels are even, and consonants are odd.

 Human 2: Wrong. Consonants are even, and vowels are odd.

 Human 1: Vowels are smooth, and therefore even!

 Human 2: Consonants are jagged, and that’s why they’re even!

 Human 3: Doesn’t it depend on what font you use anyways?

 Human 4: The best front is Comic Sans MS.

 Human 1, 2, 3: …

 *bickering*

 The aliens watched in scared horror as the humans started screaming font names at each other. The argument was only interrupted by a moderate emergency and seemingly forgotten by the humans…

 … until two weeks later when someone filled out a report wrong and the font discussion came up again.

[huntersulamaka]

What if humans are the only species that have existential crises? A lot of humans need a purpose, a reason to exist and keep going. That is part of the reason humans have a long history of worshipping different gods. We've always had a habit of looking for something bigger than us. A higher power, a god, there are countless theories out there, one of which is the idea that we live in a simulation.

What if other species don't need a reason? What if they don't think about what we call the 'questions of life'? What if they never questioned existence or their purpose? We have had philosophers going back as far as the 6th century BCE in ancient Greece. We have a name for people that think.

[bob-frank451]

Humans Are Weird: Pack Bonding

Archivists note to the reader: It seems you are viewing this item in the human language English. For this reason names have been transliterated, units have been converted, and the content has been ontologically translated. Apologies for any inconsistencies.

----------------------------------------------

Ziet rounded the corner of the shuttle carefully, the human and the second deathworlder following close behind. The shuttle was only to be docked for a little under sixty minutes, left empty for less than fifteen, and unguarded for a mere seven.

There! The cockpit hatch! She reached a tendril toward the handle, but before she could open it the door opened by itself, revealing a short, but defiantly menacing individual holding a nasty looking weapon. Ziet froze in horror, before speaking frantically, the normal perfection of her grammar lost to the urgency of the moment.

“Kakia! Please just let us go, you’ll never need to see me again.”

The individuals mouth stretched into a wide, unnatural imitation of a human’s grin.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old,’ she spat out the word, “friend. Ziet, the highly esteemed logistics technician, how are you? And what are you doing with the recently escaped, and even more recently declared dead prisoners?”

She focused her weapon at Ziet. On a human’s face a grin can be cheery. In the rest of the universe that grin is taunting, threatening, menacing.

“Please just let us go, please. Please?”

“With the price on their head? With the human ambassador to the GA right here? Why, that would be treason.”

She leaned in close, close enough that the puff of breath that accompanied each word ruffed the fur on Ziet’s face.

“And you, my wonderful, treasonous colleague, here, at my mercy?”

The grin stretched wider, more teeth appearing, ivory white. The words came exaggerated, theatrical.

“It was self defense. She attacked me with the deathworlders. She committed treason.”

Ziet recognized the weapon, specifically the three white dots on the side, and her blood ran cold.

“You’re right about one thing Ziet.”

Her grip tightened on the trigger.

“I’ll never have to see you again.”

The human lunged for the weapon, but no race in the universe was that fast. Ziet felt an impact against her chest, and then a horrible anticipation, like the moment between an injury, and the inevitable agony it would cause. No! Please no! Then malice, pure hatred, flooded through her from the point of impact, coursing through her veins, attacking every nerve and cell in her body. She felt the thaumutic energy in her system recoil, and than start to fight the attacker, but the attacker was sly, and as each pulse of power attacked it was converted, joining the ever-growing tide of hatred and pain. Her body decided that it wasn’t going to win this fight, and instead chose to jettison the power through whatever route necessary.

The human watched in horror as his friend was shot by the attacker, this Kakia person. Ziet’s eyes went out for a moment as the latent entropic energy was called inwards for the battle, and than shone with the power of a spotlight as pure energy was dumped en mass. This wasn’t fast enough however, and more and more energy poured out. It started to leak from her mouth, then nostrils, and then it started to leak through her skin as thousands of amps of power were discharged. The entire volatus was shining with the brilliance of the sun, and nobody in the entire shuttle could see anything but white.

Just as quickly as the light had started it stopped, and the volatus fell to the floor like a spent battery. Kakia uncovered her eyes, and grinned at the human, raising the weapon for a second shot, but the human was already charging. She fired and fired, but had only time to learn one thing before the human’s vengeful body slammed into her own.

Humans don’t use magic.

Ziet felt the weight of several jumpsuits rapped around her. She knew they were jumpsuits because of the wafting smell of Squalus detergent, the brand used to wash clothing inside the personnel wing of the spaceport. There was a gentle tap on her cloak, over her left shoulder. She felt another. Tap. Tap. Tap. Then hand shook her, and she obligingly opened her eyes. There was the human, crouched before her, eyes locked on her face. The eyes were leaking, clear fluid running over the human’s flat face, and dripping off his nose and chin. Behind the human lay the crumpled form of Kakia, a rivulet of dark fluid leaking from the corner of one eye. The human had bound her with another jumpsuit, so presumably she had survived her first encounter with a deathworlder.

“Ziet? Can you hear me?”

The human was still looking at her, and she noticed now that his breathing was erratic, and saw proper fear in those alien eyes.

“I can”

The human’s mouth turned into a grin, a grin that spoke to intense relief, as well as to the effort the human was putting into not showing teeth.

“You ok?”

The Volatus pondered this question. She felt gutted. Every ounce of strength had left her body. She couldn’t even feel the slightest scrap of power in her system. Her head hurt, terribly, and nothing came to relieve the pain. But she was ‘ok’.

“I’m ok”

She winced at the grammar.

“Sorry, I am going to be fine.”

“I’m glad. You scared us. I was so worried”

“Where are we?”

“Flying. He says he can.” The human pointed a limb toward the second deathworlder sitting in the cockpit across the room. “We leave the air five minutes. In five minutes, sorry”

The volatus felt a wry happiness settle over her, despite the fatigue that overwhelmed her The human’s grammar was improving. The human reached beside him and produced the weapon Kakia had shot them with.

“What’s this?”

Ziet didn’t need to study the weapon to answer the question.

“It’s a malice gun, made by Simplicity. It’s like a computer virus.”

The human gestured to himself.

“I’m ok”

“It works by converting the thaumutic energy in your system, and I don’t think humans have any.”

“Oh”

They waited in silence for a moment.

The other deathworlder, the one piloting the shuttle, grunted a single word, the only word it had learnt of galactic common so far.

“Hey!”

The bio-luminescence on its arms lit up, and the human watched the flickering pattern closely, before saying a single word.

“Space!’

The volatus glanced towards the cabin window, and saw the blue curve of her home shrinking. Soon it would be a full circle against a black canvas, painted with thousands of stars. Then it would faded away into the distance completely.

She was free.

Ao3 Discord

[jpitha]

Siervt runs up to one of the humans in his weekend card game.

"James! You have to help me!"

"Of course Siervt, what is it?"

"Pennimen has won more than 50 credits from me, because he bet me that I can't find a problem that humans don't solve with explosions!"

"Okay, okay, we can think of something." As they're thinking, Kerry walks by. "Kerry! Give me a problem that we don't solve with an explosion."

"Uh, fire." Kerry offers.

Siervt shakes his head sadly. "No, you've used explosions to blast oxidizer away from a fire, putting it out."

"Woah, neat! Hmm. cooking?"

"There's a ancestors cursed grain that explodes when you cook it!"

"Oh popcorn, right." James thinks some more.

"Oh! I've got one. Negotiation! Kerry says smugly.

Siervt gives her a look. "Pennimen says intimidating the other side with an explosive based show of force counts."

"Damn! I thought I had it there. Okay okay...." Kerry keeps thinking.

James casts his head around the room, looking. "What about welding?"

"Welding?"

"Yeah, that's done with heat and electricity, but not explosions."

"I'm sorry James, I couldn't help overhearing." The starbase cuts in "But humans have welded with explosions. It's a known method in welding two dissimilar metals in extreme environments."

"Woah, really? That's so cool!"

"James, focus." Siervt says. "We're looking for non explosive solutions."

"What about medical issues?" Kerry says. "There can't be a lot of call for explosions there."

"Hmm, now we might be onto something." James agrees. "What do you think Starbase?"

"Searching."

A moment goes by and Siervt allows himself a moment's hope that he has finally found a solution that doesn't involve explosions.

"Results found. Siervt, the humans use Nitroglycerin - an explosive - to treat heart disease."

"THEY DO WHAT?"

"It helps prevent chest pains as a result of heart disease according to my records."

"ARRRRGH." Siervt seethes. "I don't know what's worse! That you have an exploding solution to every problem or that you both think they're all really neat! I'll never win my credits back."

"I can't help it Siervt, explosions are cool." James says

Kerry agrees. "It's probably why it's used as a solution so often."

[just-stalking-posts-for-the-lols]

HUMANS ARE WEIRD:

So, what if aliens came to earth or humans are on alien spaceships. The aliens find out about how loud human voices get get in both volume and pitch. They ask the humans if they are able to break anything with their voices alone and the humans get excited and are all like:

"yeah!! We can shatter glass with our voice if it's the right pitch! We can even 'see' sound waves if it's loud enough!"

And the aliens are like:

"Sorry. See? Sound?? What can't you do!!! Y'all must be the loudest on your planet."

And the humans are just like:

"loudest? Oh no. That title goes to the sperm whale. Ya know! The sperm Whale can vibrate a human to death because they are so loud? Even at half the volume of a sperm whale's clicking is capable of making a human go deaf!"

And the aliens just sit there like

".......... WHAT!!!"

[theimportantnone]

them book moments (real)

Human: Yo dude can you help me try to find this tv show? Ive been looking for it for ages.

Alien: Sure 'man, whats it called?

Human:...uhhhh, i dont remember, i just have a scene that stuck with me...

Alien: No wonder you've been searching for ages, well 'man, describe the scene to me.

Human: Ok so theres this guy right? He's in a Box with another dude and a girl i forgor their names but anyway dude makes a copy of his body (before a fence incident) and just transfers his mind into the new body and then his old body turns into milk and then guy makes a copy of his older brother (dead) and younger sister (now old but this copy is young) and the robot/guy ai that was friends with guy is piloting the box Outside bla bla blalalaabla bla bla

Alien: bro stop

Another alien: Jake thats a scene from Xenocide

Human: GREAT! Where can i watch it?

Both Aliens: Its a book

Human:

[catophile]

a wierdo artwork for wierdos cat lovers

do you like it wanna gift it as shirt or stickers to a weirdo? here is the merch link

[wisebeardtyrant]

How weird would aliens find it when they see some of us eat like a muffin and are full for the day and then see someone else consume like 5 bowls of pasta. Their minds would probably explode especially if the two people are like same shape and size.

Metabolism differences gonna make aliens lose their shit.

[storiesabouthumanandthings]

The Captain’s Log

Captain’s log day …….Hot, we can’t remember, of 854, will edit later (edit: to day 275 based on computer data)

 We have finally arrived on our next planet. The humans have already changed the name of it from the official listing. Regardless of what the actual name of the planet is, they are all calling it some sort of damned, burning place in many human mythologies. They all basically mean the same thing, Hell, a place that is hot, often on fire, where you are meant to be tortured. It is hard to argue with that description. We agree that it feels like a punishment. We were so happy when we first heard of a warm sunny planet after being stuck on a ball of ice. This is not warm. The is not hot. This is past all that. We need a new word for the intensity of the heat. Basically, it is like being the next door neighbor to the Sol. As hot as it can get without it just being completely unlivable.

 Starburn commented that it reminded him of his home planet, “that is why we lived underground. I doubt we will find much on the surface. I suggest equipment for deep ground scans. Look for hollow pockets. Might find something there.”

 We took his suggestion and did get out equipment for this project. We also had to unload carrier vehicles to help transport crew members to different locations and two were dedicated to just transporting as much liquids as they could carry. The crew went through three days of liquids in an afternoon. If this continues, we may have to stop midway just to resupply.

Many crew members still ended up in medbay for minor illnesses. Dehydration was top on the list. Sun damage was high mainly for humans. Did you know humans could change colors? We forgot about this. Probably due to the exhaustion after our event early in our study exploration. We feel it needs to be repeated since command doesn’t seem to listen well and humans are generally new to SEAD. After speaking to medical personal, we learned that skinned creatures, without proper protection, can basically cook in the direct light without dying. It was further explained to us this happens for two reasons. The heat is so intense, it kills the outer layer of the skin. There is greater harm that could happen but this is the most common. This outer layer can become a protective layer as well if the person spends more time out in the sun. We thought this was good news at first, that they will adjust and adapt to the planet but then it was explained that if this happens enough, it could lead to serious illnesses that could kill the patient. We immediately became concerned, at what limit does the minor illness become life threatening.

 This was responded with a shrug, “There is no actual limit. Some can spend their entire life outside, never get sick. Some it could take years. In rare and extreme situations, some are born allergic to the natural light.”

How!? How can anything live on it’s home planet but be allergic to it’s home planet? That doesn’t make any sense. It was then explained to us that many creatures, but not humans, naturally create their own sunblock that humans have to create. When pressed further for answer on why don’t humans, if nearly everything else does, make natural sunblock, we were met with another shrug and a noise we have come to recognize to mean that they didn’t know.

 This did not ease our worry when many of the crew members began to strip layers of clothing in the direct light. We insisted this stop but once again, we were largely ignored. The humans considered it a trade off system. Many agreed that exposing themselves could cause harm but then so could the general heat of being in the usual uniform. It was also generally agreed that the heat, that was kept in by the uniform, could cause as much if not more damage than the natural light but faster. Few seemed sensible enough to remain covered. Starburn was among that group. He stated that due to his species remaining underground, intense light could harm him quickly. He also had a full suit on with a tinted face shield to help protect himself from the rays but he did require frequent refills on his hydration system.

 Finally, very little work was performed. Initial searches around the landing site didn’t prove to find much. Occasional insect was found and brought in. Some smaller creatures were found. Most, as suspected by Starburn were found in the ground. As night approaches, the heat slowly dissipates. Everyone is remaining inside for the night except for Starburn. With the sun going down, he can finally be outside without the extra coverings. He reported that though he could not see much, he heard a lot. He suggested to create a second team to do night searches as we may have more luck finding new discoveries.

We are considering this but are hesitant. This does sound like a better chance for new discoveries but with the darkness, who could see? Along with that, if we brought lights to see, how would that effect the native creatures. We first thought to ask for volunteers for a night shift but quickly disregarded that idea as it seemed that all would want the night shift to escape from the heat. We thought it would first be best to research our crew for who had the best low light vision scores, and from those, find those who will be willing to be out at night. For now, we will continue to do day searches until we get a list of those who will be able to look at night.

First            Previous          Next

[authorbettyadams]

Dangers of a Big Red Button - Humans are Weird - Short, Absurd, Science Fiction Story Collection

#scifi #book #story #aliens #HFY

Amazon

Dangers of a Big Red Button - Humans are Weird - Short, Absurd, Science Fiction Story Collection

#scifi #book #story #aliens #HFY

[vampireapple]

Beware Human Fangirls

Humans will pack bond with anything. Anything. Even imaginary things. Yes, really.

.  .  .

Alien: I would like to meet your friend Harry. You seem fond of him, and he has led an interesting life. Please introduce me.

Human: Oh, sure, let me you the first book.

Alien: Do I need to present the book to Harry?

Human: No? I can get you the audio version if you want.

Alien: I just want to meet Harry.

Human: … Do you think Harry is a real person?

Alien: Of course he is real. You speak of him often.

Human: Oh boy. Um, well, I think we need to have a little talk…

.  .  .

Alien 1: You know Human Mara’s friend Edward?

Alien 2: The pale one who is always cold?

 Alien 1: Yeah. Him.

Alien 2: … Is he okay?

Alien 1: He doesn’t exist!

Alien 2: He died! Oh, no!

Alien 1: He’s not real.

Alien 2: What?

Alien 1: He’s imaginary. Some human woman had a dream and wrote a book and then Human Mara pack bonded with something not real.

Alien 2: … Are you sure?

Alien 1: Yes.

Alien 2: That sounds fake.

.  .  .

Human 1 and Human 2: *bickering*

Alien: What are they arguing about?

Human 3: Who’s better, Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark. Its stupid though, one’s DC and one’s Marvel, so its hard to truly compare them.

Alien: Why compare two humans instead of the two countries?

Human 3: What countries?

Alien: Marvel and DC.

Human 3: Those aren’t countries, they’re comics.

Alien: Comics?

Human 3: Yeah, kinda like cartoons in book form. We read them for fun.

Alien: So… these two people they’re arguing about aren’t real?

Human 3: Nope. But they’re still wrong. Obviously the best is Calvin and Hobbs.

Human 1: That’s two, doesn’t count!

All humans: *heated argument*

Alien: *goes to make more notes in their ‘Humans are Crazy’ book*

[sirro85-blog]

Tales of the Dark Horses.

Captain Becca 2nd in Command of the Dark Horses Mercenary unit stared at the object in her hands, so familiar and yet strangely alien to her at this time of stress. She tapped her finger on the guard and looked up taking a deep breath to fortify her nerves.

Becca stepped forward and looked at the door to the quartermaster's stores. As she raised her hand she paused to study the painted wooden door; as she would expect of Major Kovac's base it was freshly painted but it was obvious whomever had done the job hadn't stripped or prepared the door first causing the paint to blister and crack. A minor thing but surprising for any of Kovac's Dark Horses. Becca pushed open the door.

The lights in the storefront were dimmed enabling Becca to see into the backroom of the QM's office, Major Kovac for once not wearing uniform was lounging on an old burst sofa, his bare foot resting on the corner of a low table. Leaning against him, possibly asleep was Sergeant Knickers, Captain Becca's 2IC. Sitting opposite them in a large relaxing chair of faded and shredded leather was Lisa the Quarter Master of the Dark Horses, ruddy faced and squat (possibly as broad as she was tall) she was wearing her ever present leather waistcoat, complete with her archaic pencil attached by a piece of string.

Lisa appeared to be smiling fondly at the two soldiers as she finished pouring herself a mug of tea. Kovac turned his head to look at Becca as she stood in the doorway and nodded to make the QM aware of her presence.

The QM stood and with a glower at Becca stomped into the front office, she leant her knuckles on her worktop and leaned forward. "Stilts?" The QM never called anyone by their rank or name.

"A requisition order for equipment and uniforms," Becca swallowed and continued, "I've itemised and prioritised them, some are for the troop others are for the Squadron as a whole Quatermaster."

Becca didn't know what eldritch power the QM possessed but something about the short, rotund woman with the greasy red hair terrified the Captain, her obvious displeasure at Becca's simple presence made her very gaze baleful.

"Bex, come join us," called Kovac.

Becca closed her eyes and offered a prayer to any gods who might receive her.

"Yeah come on Bex," called Knickers.

Unsure if she would ever breathe again Becca walked forward stiffly, passing a handswidth from the QM Becca had a moments surprise as she smelled lavender from the woman rather than dried blood as she expected. After she passed the QM Becca realised there was nowhere to sit, so stood awkwardly by the couch. The QM passed her, returning to her own throne, Becca worried that she'd lost all sensation on her right side as the QM passes that side.

"Stilts is too tall to be in here," growled the QM.

"Oh knock it off mother, she's 6 inches shorter than I am," Kovac said.

"Exactly, that's 12 feet of people in my lounge." A vague gesture at Knickers, "Sweet and you are alright Troop but add another body and it makes the place look untidy."

"Be nice to Bex, Lees, she's starting to sway, I think Captains Wolf and Dorman are coming here too with the Sergeant Major." Knickers said.

"Better put some water on mother," said Kovac - they weren't related, though it was a term Kovac used for the QM and none other.

"No point, I only own three bloody cups."

Hearing this Kovac closed his eyes and smiled and then looked upwards muttered under his breath, "of course you fucking do." He stood, and moving across the room kissed the hairline on the round woman's head, "never change RQ, never do that to me."

Kicking on his thong-sandles Kovac strolled past Becca to the door, "we'll relocate to my office."

Kovac and Knickers were the only two out of uniform, the others; Becca, Captain Dorman and Wolf and Sergeant Major Chloe aka "Panther" and sergeants Fluke and Glover were all in uniform. Even for Becca who was Kovac's partner it seemed odd to see him in anything but military dress. He was in an unusual mood too, strangely glib and appeared disinterested.

"Apologies sir, is there a better time for us to do this?" Becca asked, irritated as the Major toyed with a pocket knife.

Suddenly Kovac was sitting at his desk, his face intense. He swept his gaze across the faces of his subordinate officers and senior NCOs, "we're lost."

The matter of fact statement was met with silence, "we fought in a nasty war, we did nasty things. The mask slipped and we didn't get to see ourselves as noble heroes we saw behind the curtain and it turns out we're killers."

He gestured around the room, "we've all been guilty of it, humans are the protectors of the galaxy, cosmic heroes who fly in on a spaceship and win the battles for the vulnerable and protecting the peace. Then we used chemical weapons to win the war against the Xhost. Millions dead and Billions; Trillions maybe, saved.

Kovac gave a shrug, "what difference is there between killing someone with a rifle than with White Phosphorous?"

Becca looked at her fellow officers faces, they were blank.

Kovac closed his eyes, "it has always saddened me that humans made contact with the rest of the galaxy and it was our war fighting, our savage nature that made us. How few of humanity's contributions to the Galaxy have been anything non-military?"

"We all joined the military for different reasons, some of us have family history, others wanted to see the galaxy, a few of us made the decision based on poverty and wanting to avoid starvation or incarceration. Whatever the reason we've ended up soldiers hoping to do good things, wanting to be heroes, when the feeling comes to you that you might be the villains the glamour slips away and you're left to see what we really are. Paid killers."

"The Xhost campaign, what we did...it was all necessary sir" Captain Mark Dorman said, rather forcefully.

"I know Captain, I was the one that ordered it, the issue is our perception." Kivac glanced around the room, "so much of our cultural heritage, our heroes of myths and legends are war fighters, the Song of Roland, Thermopylae, Captain America, Rambo..." he gestured vaguely to indicate he couldn't think of many others currently. "Warriors all, sadly the reality isn't as good as the myths and legends."

Captain Becca was watching her fellow Sublalterns, none of them looked happy. "What's your point sir?"

"That war is terrible, its awful and anyone who tells you differently is selling something. We get sold a glittering ideal and then up closewe find its caked in the blood and shit of friends and lovers." He sighed, "to borrow a phrase, war crimes...all wars are crimes. You're either a perpetrator or a victim but it's still a crime you're involved in."

Major Kovac stood up, he looked more animated than he had done in weeks. His gaze swept across the captains and their sergeants. "The scales have fallen, some of our men; most of our men are realising that what we do is take and end lives. Others put there come in after and save lived, they heal and rebuild. We are killers, destroyers and wreckers. If they can't come to peace with that then they will need to make a decision."

"The malaise has gone on long enough, get out there and drill them, beast them, get them too tired to think and too obsessed with their skills and drills to worry about why they do it. Anyone has any issues is welcome to come and talk to me, we have a pension fund for a reason. Dismissed."

Becca was silent as she walked out, Knickers followed closely behind, also silent. She could hear Dorman and his sergeant having a muttered conversation behind her. Already she felt better, she had orders and a purpose, she needed to be a leader and to help her soldiers.

[spaceboipluto]

please for the love of fUCK-

I WANT ALL THE BOTS TO STOP

[bob-frank451]

Humans are weird: Culture Shock

Archivists note to the reader: It seems you are viewing this item in the human language English. For this reason the contents of this file, including names have been ontologically translated to your preferred language. Apologies for the inconvenience.

    The volatus sat, as much as any volatus could really be said to sit, keen milky eyes flickering across the display. Volati love information, and whereas other races bore easily with numbers and data, a volatus's near perfect photographic memory does not tire so easily, it is for this reason they make invaluable technicians.

System 1: nominal

System 2: nominal

...

...

System 43: nomi... wait, that wasn't right. This could be a problem.

    The volatus turned to the prone human on the other side of the cramped cabin. Humans were one of the wierd races that become incapacitated for nearly half of every cycle. Something to do with regenerating their specialized biology.

    Deathworlders....

    Ziet hated to wake this human, awoken humans were not particular pleasant, as a rule.

    However, 43 wouldn't wait.

    "adam"

    "adam"

    The human stired. For a moment Ziet though the human wasn't going to wake, but suddenly its eyes popped open, and focused on the her. The corners of the humans mouth stretched apart revealing a dozen sharp teeth, teeth Ziet knew would be crawling with nasty bacteria.

    The volatus froze. The eyes, simultaneously showing far to much white, telling her intuition this human was terrified, and the eyes, focused on her, giving the impression this human was threatening, and not afraid at all, a rather confusing message. Than the human blinked once, and suddenly closed its mouth and averted its gaze, no doubt remembering what it's behavior meant to other races.

    Right, those were signs of friendliness in humans. On what planet were those signs of friendliness?

    Ugh those eyes!

    Ziet didn't like human eyes.

AO3 Discord

[jpitha]

Hobbies.

Having hobbies isn't that unusual among sapients. One of the whole things about being sapient is having a curious mind and free time. After all, Mzurr wouldn't stop talking to anyone who would listen about the time he went rallying on Earth. He would show off his collection of models and facts about human rally cars every chance he got to anyone within 3 meters of him. It could be tiring really, but he was so excited. It was infectious.

No, what was unusual about the Humans was how hard they went into their hobbies.

When Fennipen - the K'laxi head of security - heard that the Human Emery down in Little Earth had assembled an entire antique steam engine from Earth's past in his quarters and wheeled it out to the common area, he paid him a personal visit. Station was worried, but they couldn't articulate why. "That Human is up to something worrying" was all they could tell Fennipen. “I can feel it.”

As Fenn approached, his olfactory system was assaulted with the smell of oils and metals and paint. It stood maybe a meter and a half tall, only a little taller than Fenn himself. It was...something. It was black metal with silver metal parts and a large brass wheel on the bottom. it was well oiled and like all Human machines looked uncomfortably like it was alive. Fenn’s fur poofed out angrily.

"Emery, what in the *untranslatable*, [oath against sanity] is that?" Emery's translator did its best, but he only got the description which he decided meant it was a good swear. When the translator failed to translate, which wasn’t often, Station chimed into his earpiece “Fenn is concerned and worried about your machine, Emery.”

“I got that, Station, thanks.”

“No problem! Happy to help!”

Emery turned to Fenn. "It's a vertical steam engine! It's a little one, but it's all here! Took weeks of shipping and assembly and getting all the little bits and parts. I even had to machine some of the bearings myself. I must have watched hours of videos about Babbitt Metal. Finally though, it's ready to go!" He spun the wheel at the bottom and surprising Fenn the massive thing spun easily and nearly silently, clicking and hissing as the seals moved up and down. "It's ready to fire, but Station said under no circumstances will they allow open flames. They were rather insistent, so I'll just use compressed air. It’s not exactly the same, but you’ll get the idea.”

“But why?” Fenn’s ears twitched in irritation, but his fur started to flatten.

"Just look at it!" Emery was beaming "It's so neat! And it was made back at time when we didn't have computer controlled precision machinery or even plastics. It's all steel, and brass, and oil, and leather, and felt."

By now a small crowd had gathered in the common. It was a mix of Humans and K’laxi and they were looking on at the machine and Emery and Fenn with mild interest.

Noticing the crowd, Emery opened the valve on his tank of compressed air with a flourish. Whooshing and with an odd susurration, it spun to life. After it was clear that nothing else was going to happen, the crowd made polite noises, and started to walk away.

Watching the machine, Fenn thought it was odd, but no more so than any other strange thing Humans did. He had to admit, the machine puttering away to itself was pretty fascinating. "What's that assembly of pipes on the top?" he found himself asking."

"Oh, that? It's a 5 chime whistle, here check it out!" and Emery pulled the chain hanging off the bottom. ****

Later that day, Fennipen was released from the infirmary with he physician complimenting him on wearing his active hearing protection. He only received "minor" hearing damage and did not need any further work done. Station reported that the sound of the whistle was heard nearly throughout the whole 10 kilometers of themselves. They also mentioned that at least 3 humans startled themselves into a bathroom ‘incident’ and 8 K’laxi ran for their suits thinking it was a pressure alarm.

Emery apologized profusely and was allowed to keep his steam engine - without the whistle - so long as he reported to Station one day in advance of wanting to operate it.

When it comes to hobbies, Humans go hard.