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#humans never make plans
fatal-blow · 24 days
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one thing i havent seen anyone talk about yet in dungeon meshi is how sometimes the party just fucking. forgets important info. and usually it bites them in the ass but it feels so natural and human. like yeah my ass would probably forget what namari said about senshi's pot too. and then whatever plans the party makes are always built on half-remembered info, autism sauce, luck, and a solid chunk of actual dungeoneering expertise at its core
it's actually what really makes me wonder sometimes if dunmeshi was based on an actual dnd campaign, because the goofy fuck ups just SCREAM "pack of dipshits playing dnd together and NO ONE is taking down notes"
and then ryoko ties it all together into a unique sequence of events that never perfectly resembles A) whatever the reader thinks they might do or B) whatever the party had planned in the first place and turns it and its just augh. its so good!! i wanna see what these freaks think of next!!! what fucked up shit are you guys gonna do to get out of this one!!
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lovesickeros · 6 days
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☆ de fontaine
{☆} characters furina {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort {☆} word count 1.4k
This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!
She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.
She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.
Furina is tired.
But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?
So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.
Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.
Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.
An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.
She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.
She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.
She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.
And Furina has always been good at lying.
It's the believing that's the hard part.
There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?
Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.
She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?
She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.
Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?
Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.
Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?
They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?
"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"
Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.
Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.
Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.
Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.
"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.
But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.
They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.
She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.
If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..
Furina will make sure they do.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#fic tag#furina#so um. looks around. okay look. i know im like THE ts@r1ts@ dealer (censored so it doesnt show in tags. hopefully)#but the moment i saw furi in fontaine the day it released she became my fav even more then the tsaritsa SORRY SHES SO..#this is my love letter 2 furi (making her suffer unimaginable horrors)#open ended kinda in case i decide on making a sequel maybe#furi makes me feel cuteness aggression so bad i start acting like a rabid animal#furina the woman that you are. thats my girlprince meow meow id kill someone for her#playing her part as archon so well but being so horribly irrefutably human in every way..#five hundred years not even knowing what the real plan was. when it would end. knowing if she slipped up it was over.#and in the end almost no one knew what really happened. a select few people know the real weight of her sacrifice.#furina's story was always a tragedy. it was never going to be anything but a tragedy.#and thats one of the most tragic parts of it isnt it? she didnt know how itd end. she didnt know her story was always going to be a tragedy#furina never knew a thing. and still she did it for the people of fontaine and succeeded.#how do you define “yourself” when you havent existed for 500 years?#to be so selflessly human you give up “yourself” to save people who will never know of your sacrifice.#sometimes i think about the confrontation on the stage and have a week long mental breakdown#sacrificing EVERYTHING for fontaine and still. still! the people closest to you turn on you.#heavy on clorinde. she was as close 2 furi as neuvi fight me on this. i bite.#her bodyguard and friend and she ends up staring down her blade wondering if this is it. she failed. she failed them all#because even when faced with the trial. with losing everything. she still thought only about fontaine. oh furina.#do you think she has nightmares. wonders if she was never meant to win this game of g-ds. that her story was always meant to be a tragedy?#do you think she still wonders if she was ever meant to have a chance at a happy ending? a doomed tragedy from beginning to end
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raineandsky · 5 months
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#86
Being a hero is stressful. That much is common knowledge. How a hero goes about unwinding from said stress is a mystery no one has yet figured out.
The hero settles in one of the little chairs in the circle. The man next to her gives her a light nudge. “Let’s see what you made this week, then.”
The hero reaches into her bag to show off her latest stress relief—a giant blanket, knitted in the downtime between jobs, sporting a rainbow of colours in bright streaks across its face. Everyone oohs and ahhs appropriately before the rest of the circle gets to showing off their own creations.
It’s been nice to have a place that isn’t entirely consumed by work, the hero thinks as she nods approvingly at someone’s mug cosy. No worrying about tomorrow, no wondering where the villains might be.
Her gaze flits to the next person in line to show something off, and her heart momentarily stops as she meets her eye. At least she doesn’t have to worry about the latter of her thoughts right now.
What the hell is the villain doing at the hero’s weekly knitting club?
“Go on,” the woman next to the villain prompts. The villain huffs and makes a show of it, but she pulls out a cardigan with a ghost of a pleased smirk.
The hero only realised why she’s so self-satisfied when she catches herself gaping in awe. The villain’s little cardigan is elaborate in pattern, swooping waves lining its shoulders. The yarns meld together in a perfect cacophony of colour. It’s amazing, more amazing than anything the hero could do.
The villain soaks in the praise with a humble nod before setting her gaze on the hero. It probably looks hopeful to anyone else, but the hero can see the glitter of arrogance in her eye. Go on, the villain’s practically saying, tell me how great I am.
“It’s nice,” the hero says through gritted teeth, and the villain’s smile turns humoured.
The hero can’t leave fast enough. Everyone else is packing their projects away. The hero’s blanket gets folded thankfully easily and she’s out the door before anyone can stop her.
Fine. A new project. Something to advance her skills and show the villain that she’s not the hot shit she thinks she is.
It takes all week. The hero holds her jumper up to show the group. The villain raises her eyebrows from across the circle.
“Inspired by another knitter here,” the hero says with what could almost be sarcasm, and the villain snorts a poorly contained laugh.
The villain shows off her creation. A pair of mittens, the patterns lacy and the colours bright. The hero scowls. Pissed doesn’t describe the feeling.
Next week. A layered scarf from the hero. The villain wins everyone’s affections with a tiny knitted elephant. “For my niece’s birthday,” the villain says innocently. “She loves them.”
Leaving is becoming more of a race with each passing week. “Keep trying,” the villain comments brightly before the hero can escape. “You’ve plenty of room to improve.”
The hero considers strangling the villain with her scarf.
The hero settles at her computer that evening with a scowl and a cup of hot chocolate, mentally prepared to prowl the internet for several hours for ideas on how to one-up the villain. It’s madness. She’s meant to be out there kicking the villain’s ass, and here she is trying to out-knit her.
It’s been three weeks, and she’s only just realising that her stress-relieving hobby is suddenly a lot more stress-inducing.
“Fuck,” she hisses outloud, and she momentarily considers the idea of knitting the word into a coaster for the villain too.
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phoenixcatch7 · 1 month
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Okay but why haven't we had a time travel/fix it fic where after some shenanigans everyone decides to take down shinra, they split up to take out the important figures, sephiroth obviously takes hojo for any and all of a dozen good reasons.
And then hojo pulls a winter soldier sleeper code on him.
And then everyone is suddenly dealing with a brainwashed sephiroth.
-
Hojo has to have some way to control sephiroth as he grew into his monstrous strength and power, yes? And learned helplessness isn't enough of a reassurance your prized military leader powerhouse isn't going to wake up one day and realise just how easily he could paint the labs walls red with chunks of you. And because hojo is obsessed with total power and control, dealing with a murder machine with huge mental issues, it'd only be fitting he create his own emergency shutdown.
In the most needlessly traumatic and mentally violating way, of course. Would sephiroth even know, if he couldn't remember? Would he have long stretches of emptiness in his memories that never get explained to him, or would he wake up where he'd blacked out, just another day in the labs?
Imagine, his allies watching on the cameras, as sephiroth stalks into the labs, a predator sighting its prey, exchanging a few cold words with hojo, raising masamune... And then hojos mouth opening, sephiroth going stiff like an animatronic, rearranging himself on the floor where he stood, face hidden behind his hair. Hojo leaves the room and he doesn't move, doesn't respond to any comms or passing scientists accidentally rolling a cart over his coat and hair.
Hojo ordering sephiroth to reveal their plans, their allies, their resources. Sephiroth doing it. Hojo deciding to punish sephiroth for the rebellion with lab procedures, or hojo ordering him to hunt down his co conspirators and end the takeover. Sephiroth doing so, heavy in his steps, crashing through walls and doors, heedless now of morals or civilians, silent, unresponsive. So completely unlike the jenova malice they'd been prepared to fight, that sephiroth had been bracing against. No arrogance, no mocking, no dramatic battlefield or hungry glowing eyes.
The puppeteer becomes the puppet, and with it, every trace of holding back. The perfect soldier.
I imagine the first trigger word would be lucrecia.
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honeybeeffdrawshere · 9 months
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He runs the kitchen in hq, which is about as stressful as you'd expect.
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microfeelings · 2 months
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Yeah I'm sharing them now because if I decide to wait to pass them digitally I will ✨never do it✨
Spiderverse x One Piece AU!
A little something that started as an exercise in character design and then I got a little bit into it lmao
I did design the rest of the East Blue Crew but uh... they were kinda ugly/boring, I put more effort into these two because they're the 💕favs💕
Info, kinda. Honestly I don't have a lot thought out its mostly random ideas that mushed together sort of resemble a well put together au, just like everything I do <3
Nami:
- Spider-Woman of her universe, while her design isn't exactly original I really liked using her orange and blue colors. She has the spider logo on her back because she hates spiders and hates looking at them lmao
- In her universe, her best friend Usopp died when she failed to save him (kinda her "Gwen Stacy" but he was just a friend)
- Has electricity powers, her spidey senses are also really in tune with the climate for some reason
- She has a staff (not pictured) she fights with, and also uses the environment to her favor, not the biggest fan of fighting hand to hand because (compared to other Spider-people) shes not as physically strong
- Has a few enemies and nemesis that she fights, Arlong being the most important/strong one
- She's actually quite happy to know other Spider-people, tho she was kinda shocked when she saw Usopp... It was awkard for both of them...
Usopp:
- The first Spider-man in his world, there are some things of his design I would change (mainly the sweatband, I would change the colors), but I'm actually quite happy with his design. Where does his nose go with the mask on? The same place Hobbie's hair goes, idk..
- In his universe, his best friend Nami died, Usopp failing to protect her
- Uncanny precision with his webfluids, also figths using the environment
- Unfortunately isn't a well received Spider-man 😔, gets complaints about destruction of property or how he's "pretty coward for a superhero"
- Really would rather focus on saving civilians from natural disasters, as he's also not as physically strong (compared to other Spider-people), but it seems every weirdo on the block decided they really need to beat this teenager up, so he also has some enemies...
- Super excited about meeting other Spider-people and finally being able to share life experiences with them, and then met Nami, or Spider-Woman Nami and it was awkard and uncomfortable (but they became besties, bittersweet moment)
Extra stuff from the rest of the East Blue Crew:
- Luffy's spiderman name is Spider-King and the rest of the Spidermans where like "I can't decide if that's the best or the worst name I've ever heard...". Well Usopp thinks it's kinda cool, and wishes he had chosen a cooler name for himself, might be too late for a new signature 🤔, Nami and Sanji think it's stupid, Zoro is undecided
- Sanji does not have a spider logo, even tho his name is Spider-man because he hates spiders
- Zoro is the second Spider-man from his universe, the first one being Kuina, she died and he took her place
- Sanji has fire inmunity
- Zoro carries like 5 extra pockets of web fluids cause he takes "longer routes" (he gets lost a lot)
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puppyeared · 8 months
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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tianhai03 · 2 years
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here it is, the fursona i designed for dante a couple months ago for shits and giggles. i made him a bunny/dragon hybrid (aka i drew him as a bunny and gave him parts of his dt and called it a dragon) <3
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As much as I hate verlaine, I have to admit that the man suffering in the trenches of depression after Rimbaud's death is perfect for my rimlaine.
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yuriyuruandyuraart · 1 year
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peace out, girl scout ✌️
fresh sans by loverofpiggies
human design is mine
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magnusbae · 2 years
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Listen, what if Dream's and Hob's meeting happens for the first time during Death's and Dream's walk in 2k22. Dream is struggling to see any beauty in humanity after his capture and Death skillfully leads him to this one coffee shop and— coffee shop au, slowburn, goth dream, flirty and interested Hob, fluff and comfort— imagine that. 😌🤭
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randomnameless · 3 months
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I appreciate that at least they stayed consistent with the Sword of the Creator being Crest of Flames-exclusive and, as such, Byleth can no longer use it post-CF and is shown using a normal sword instead in their solo and S-Supported Jeritza ending pictures; makes it all the more baffling that they're still alive despite their heart being destroyed and that the Sothis S-Support exists in that route, but i'll give them credit where it's due for keeping the SOTC's lore consistent.
Post Tru Piss, there's no Crest Stone left for the SoC!
So I'd say it's not that it's CoF exclusice, but rather something like without a crest stone, a relic, even the SoC, doesn't "work" anymore.
Adding insult to the injury though, Post!Tru Piss Billy uses Rhea's sword, aka, a Holy Weapon that could be used by everyone (human and nabatean!) and even heal non-crested people : Billy uses at the end of the "we will make a world for humans!" route a sword that conveyed coexistence between humans and nabateans...
Sothis' S-support in this route really felt odd, because she acknowledges Rhea at least, but has no words for her passing when Rhea died crying for her.
Some people tried to theorise that this Sothis isn't the one Rhea remembers so she wouldn't have feelings about her... but idk, it still feels dead wrong, especially since Sothis remembered feelings of joy and sadness in Zanado, and ultimately remembers how Rhea is a her kid thanks to the lullaby (and in SS when she "talks" to her).
If Sothis was a better written character and not accidently written to be the most toxic parent in the FE series, I'd maybe write something about her feeling so bad that, again, she was used to slaughter one of her own children (Nemesis first in Zanado, and now Billy in Tailtean) but as canon!Sothis is, I'm not really motivated to do something like this.
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runefactorynonsense · 8 months
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Cozytober - Day 26 - Catnap
#Cozytober#Margot's RF Art#rune factory#rf1#rf#This sketch was actually done back on June 6th of this year. I was knee deep in my Seattle vacation planning/stress and never finished it--#I think I'd just found Home Run Derby tickets finally?? Or not long after that. And I was still scared to death I was making a mistake.#Silly past Margot! It was the best day of your life!#So I remember I did this sketch as just general human pose practice after someone else did the 'tree nap' pose of their OCs.#And so I grabbed it for today's prompt because!! I still liked how the anatomy turned out!#Context my brain goes with;#if I subscribe to the 'Raguna on the run from the Empire' theory then I strongly lean toward the Lynette pairing.#Safe life in Kardia- doesn't feel like the right context most of the time. Not bad. Just. Not as interesting a story.#On the run- This feels like just... a smart choice. Group up once those Empire targeting efforts escalate.#Perhaps he has to deal with the painful compromise and necessity of her lethality because he might be more likely to survive#And he WANTS to survive#AKA- if you can escape. Escape. He's good at it. But if the situation comes down to it.... Lynette can make sure who walks out.#And to reverse the pov- maybe a bit of atonement on her part? All the blood is only on her hands. She'll keep it that way. Let her do that.#He shouldn't have to. It's all her fault anyway.#Also please laugh at me as it took me half an hour to remember the word COMPROMISE. I was so mad.#Rune Factory Raguna#RF Raguna#Rune Factory Lynette#RF Lynette#another ship tag to fill#Raguna x Lynette
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kitty-serenade · 1 year
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Shitpost of @tswwwit 's familiar!AU, this is my personal hc of what happened in confessing it (pls bare with me I am severely dehydrated and I just woken up in the middle of the night)
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kyouka-supremacy · 4 months
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---
#Woha... Alright read the chapter 🫡#It's just. I get where Fukuchi is coming from and I feel like after rereading it the whole thing was a little more clear but...#Did it *really* have to be so complicated. Like dude did it **really** have to be so complicated.#Maybe it had to idk. After all I'm always the first to say that a complex reality can't be reduced to simple axioms–#and that semplifications never bring anything good.#But at the same time was there REALLY no other way#Couldn't you promote your ideas diplomatically instead. Couldn't you become a democratic activist or politician.#Couldn't you write a book‚ person named OUCHI FUKUCHI#Also couldn't you? Talk about it with someone before executing your crazy plan so that anyone else might have pointed to you how crazy it i#But I suppose the whole central theme of this arc ultimately was “people who try to do everything by their own are destined to fall”#And to an extent it does still feel kinda self-contradictory of a plan. Like ahah my plan included not to make anyone suffer!!!#[turns half world population into a vampire]#Like c'mon? Violations of human rights can happen even without killing people dude#(Also Akutagawa)#(Like I get it he's only one (1) person. But he's also the only (only) person for me so I can't bring myself to ignore him y'know)#Mmmmmhhhhhh that's of the main things ig. I YELLED when they brought up Max Weber and the what-is-a-state question#That's like. One of the main questions my whole life studies centers on.#The adrenaline that gave me to see it mentioned in my current hyperfixation ahfjvafjhcvlawsvfblwhkv#This chapter was just so so political theories packed I felt like I was just still studying lol.#I feel like this was a true “get why bsd is labelled as seinen”.#You just can't do this kind of in-depth political theory discussion in shonen manga ig#What else. Still patiently waiting for ss/kk 😔#random rambles
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naamahdarling · 8 months
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Time for y'all to
send asks!
again!
#i have to do a treatment plan tomorrow instead of you know actual therapy that might help me and MAN THOSE THINGS PISS ME OFF#y'all at Therapy Place make me take these but it's like...no#no i will not call 911 if i am suicidal#no i will not call y'all either#no i will not call a crisis line because i'm never suicidal from things they can actually help me with#and i can do the counting exercise alone#i have my own plan and you are not part of it and don't get to know what it is because you cannot be trusted with that information#it goes on the tall shelf away from the pathologizers kidnappers gatekeepers and just plain assholes#i SUPER like my therapist she's great but man these people expect me to barf my entire life story on demand any time there's An Assessment#and they don't give me anything in return#please#i want to know the worst thing that happened to you#no details just tell me in like three words what it was#and let it flash through your mind#i want you to remember it with me and for me on demand just for a second#and then we can look in each other's eyes and i won't feel like a dancing monkey and you won't feel like whatever it is you feel like#because you are insulated from the need for exchange of some kind between humans having intimate conversations by your job#must be nice for you#are YOU having nightmares? do YOU ever feel like the trauma is happening again? never almost never sometimes most of the time always#no but seriously i'm sure giving dozens of these takes a toll and i do have sympathy#but they still expect me to do it without any objections and I am NOT getting paid and they are NOT having necessary health care gatekept#so it's still really unequal#sorry not sorry
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