#i <3 space milfs

[stars-n-spice]

Happy Mother's Day :)

To all the wonderful space moms of the galaxy 🩵💫

[inkdrinkerworld]

okay but what about harry unexpectedly takes his friends into the house and they find reader and James kissing in the kitchen but like reeeeeeally snogging, and when jamie realizes they're there he turns around and to make everything more embarrassing he has that t-shirt that says "i <3 milfs."

harry groans when he comes into the house and sees you and james kissing.

it's never really great to see, but this time he groans because his friends are here.

"you two have a bedroom," he says loudly and with a tone of disgust making you pull away from james who had just been sucking on your tongue.

"sorry haz," you wave at his friends who're all smiling. they're not little anymore, so it's not really a big deal, but they're teenagers so every thing is gross only if it's not your parents.

"mhm," he hums, ready to usher his friends to his room when james' shirt catches all their attention. "dad!" harry groans at the same time his friends erupt into laughter.

"what?" james asks, cheeks red as he stares at his son.

"your shirt! where did you even get that?" harry's neck is red and you giggle at your son and husband's likeness.

"oh your uncles," james shrugs, "s'true enough."

harry ushers his friends quickly up the stairs before you and james can say anything else.

"well, that went well." you say to james who's back to crowding your space. he tucks his face into your neck, nose brushing along the column of your neck with a deep groan.

"s'this perfume! god, you smell good enough to eat." he bites at your neck making you squeal.

"well, you're going to have to wait till at least 10, when they leave." james groans and bite your neck a little harder before sucking at the skin. "stop it," you giggle, pushing james away and opening the fridge, "help me cut up some stuff for dinner, you little sex freak."

james slaps your ass hard and you know there's going to be a mark later.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Highlights From the SOLDIER Group Chat

All SOLDIER operatives are required to be apart of the official group chat, a space where they can comfortably communicate and relay messages en mass.

• Genesis sending PDFs of the Communist Manifesto at random.

• Director Lizard™ memes every Wednesday provided by Zack.

• Sephiroth using "DTF" to indicate that he's free to spar. Genesis had told him it means "Down To Fight."

• Zack sending a picture to the group chat holding the severed head of the president ShinRa statue, along with the caption "I fucked up."

• Someone changing the group chat name to DilfGeal™ and friends.

• Genesis sending "Sephiroth you forgot your briefs at my apartment" and turning his phone off.

• Zack and Kunsel's rap battle through voice notes.

• Sephiroth using "IWTFY" to indicate that he's free to spar. Genesis told him it means "I Want To Fight You."

• Roche changing the group chat name to Sephiroth's wig.

• The mystery penis™ — someone accidentally sent a nude to the group chat at 3 AM and quickly deleted it, but the picture automatically saved to everyone's device and it incited a month long discourse and speculation about the mystery penis. No, it wasn't Genesis.

• The day they discovered there was a turk informant lurking in the group chat (it was Reno) after said lurker insulted Zack, it escalated and Angeal went out looking for Reno to "chat."

• Genesis sending "THE 👁️ GODDESS 👁️ IS 👁️ WATCHING 👁️" after every misdeed.

• The day professor Hojo joined the chat so everyone changed their name and profile pictures to Sephiroth.

• Lazard: screen name "Milf-Muncher-5000" kindly revert to your government name and profile picture. I know this is you, Commander Rhapsodos.

• Sephiroth once misspelled the word "laughed" as "laft" and now instead of "lol" or "lmao" everyone just "LAF"

• Everyone spamming the hashtag #GetHewley'd after someone is scolded by Angeal.

• Kunsel posting a list of estimated hex codes and measurements of everyone's junk and chaos ensuing right afterwards. Genesis in particular is outraged at why his is so underestimated. He proceeds to send everyone his correct measurements.

• Zack using too many emojis, oftentimes only using emojis.

• If you swear, Angeal kicks you out, so everyone starts using Zack's name as a substitute for for curse words. "ZACK YOU!" is a particularly popular one.

• Sephiroth randomly sending unflattering pictures of Genesis. Then he sends a voice note of his office door being beaten down by Genesis.

• Sending random pictures and depictions of lizards and captioning them "FOUND THE DIRECTOR"

[weebsinstash]

You know what? How could I miss the worst part about being Vox's employee, and really just his target in general:

You could NEVER use your phone for SHIT without fucking Vox knowing! Don't you EVER slip up and look up porn on the company wi-fi, not that it even matters because you use a VPhone he can spy on at any time anyway!!

pov: your cringefail boss keeps pulling you into a zoom call and you're bored so you start looking at hot milfs on your phone and suddenly he starts stuttering and fucking up his sentences because he's secretly connected to your phone and 1. Are you looking at porn in front of him at work on the job right now??? 2. Oh, so you're 😳 ok alright yeah ok you are thats kinda, hot 3. You know what, your tastes are pretty good actually, and now he's distracted and horny for multiple reasons now--

Just like. have fun having ANY privacy scrolling on your voxtek phone, watching TV in your own apartment on your voxtek TV which can have "sudden breaking updates" that interrupt your shows no matter what, with VoxTek drones occasionally going stealth bomber fucking Batman Oracle drone invisible, and also VoxTek cameras All Over Your Living Space. In this scenario I imagine Vox is such a narcissist that he does the TV broadcast hijacking shit to all tvs in Hell but like... it's also a good excuse to forcibly invade your privacy in your own home! Better not forget any clothes, like... ever! Never know when there's gonna be BREAKING NEWS!

[princesscolumbia]

Star Trek Captains, A Review and Categorization

Star Trek is a show about a Neo-military organization that has rank structures, ships, and fights wars, so naturally there's plenty of captains to talk about, but for this post I'll be highlighting specifically the main cast captains, in something resembling chronological order. (But, I mean, this is Star Trek, so even that's kinda up in the air)

Captain Archer

That Guy who had to hand crank the warp engine up-hill both ways in the blinding ion storm. We don't need no stinkin' Prime Directive! Remember The Alamo Pearl Harbor 9/11 Florida! But...uh, maybe don't be dicks about it, not everyone who looks like the ones responsible for that thing we're never going to forget actually wants us dead. Got transformed into an alien, got possessed by another alien, slept with a couple more. Never got pregnant, though (that was his chief engineer)

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 1

Wars started: 0

Wars ended: 3

Times on screen naked: 1

Nazi facilities destroyed: 1

Category: Grampa

Captain Pike

Midlife crisis? What midlife crisis? Everything's fiiiiine. Now eat something, it'll make you feel better. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. Number One, don't tell me I can't adopt more kids, I don't care that they're from the future they're mine now. Besides, we've already got a whole ship-full, what's two more?

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 2

Violations of the Temporal Prime Directive: -3 (yes, it's an irrational number, we're talking time travel, people!)

Musical Numbers Participated While On Duty: 3

Hair: Really Great

Category: Dad (or DILF if you swing that way)

Captain Georgiou

You will be captain when you can snatch the stone from my hand.

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 1

Protege's who required a redemption arc: 1

Awesomeness: Transcendent

Category: Gone too soon, also, MILF who can kick your ass

(Edit: Courtesy of @cheer-me-up-scotty for pointing out an oversite on my part)

Captain Burnham

Cosplays as a Vulcan 'cause she's jealous of her adoptive brother. Accurately called an audience-stand-in-self-insert-mary-sue (shut up, Star Trek fandom invented the Mary Sue, it was a term coined by women fans, so shut up!), but by season 2 she actually gets interesting.

Scorecard

Mommy Issues: Has a subscription

Moms: 4

PTSD inducing life events: Like, all of them

Ships commanded: 3

Mutinies led failed: 1

Category: That One Cousin who married surprisingly well and made something of herself in spite of all expectations

Captain Kirk

Golden retriever energy, would be the Useless Bisexual Himbo if he didn't have so much game. Probably smarter than he lets on. Polyamory King and certified Alien Fucker. Boyfriend is a half-space-elf, main sometimes-girlfriend will go on to create the deadliest super-weapon ever built by humans by accident.

Scorecard

Number of Klingon Bounties on his head: [CLASSIFIED]

Number of women he's slept with: [CLASSIFIED]

Nazi regimes toppled: 1

Number of times he should have had a test that determines if you can stick your dick in it that got named after an upstart from that other science fiction show instead: 1

Ships Commanded: 3

Ships He's Stolen: 3

Category: Slut(affectionate)

Captain Kirk (the other one)

Golden Retriever that got left behind when his family moved away and had to lead a ragtag team of a crotchety older dog and a wet cat on a journey...

No, wait, hold on...

Right! That's the one!

Scorecard

Times he should have been kicked out of Starfleet: At least 4

Ships commanded: 3

Ground transport destroyed: 2 (that we know of)

Number of middle fingers given to Admiralty: 2

Category: Bad Boy

Captain Picard

You know that guy who you see going to the library all the time and always seems to have his nose in a book and always seems to be telling people off for breaking the rules and doing dangerous shit? You'd never know it but he used to be That Guy in college who got, like, ALL the girls and is going to be the Hot Grampa that you don't know how he has that much game, but he got it.

Scorecard

Ships lost in the line of duty: 2

Number of times he married and then estranged his best friend's wife who named their son after her dead first husband: 1

Number of toxic omnipotent and omniscient boyfriends who are obsessed with him and spends their spare time playing with ponies: 1

Category: Inexplicable Sexyman

Captain Badass Sisko

The Cool Dad with baggage. He's got game, but he's got priorities as well, and DON'T mess with his son or you won't even exist anymore to regret it. BLM before it was cool. Led a civil rights riot two centuries before he was born. Space Jesus who can make the best jambalaya you've ever had. Fought and won a war, punched a god, then became one.

Scorecard

Civilizations saved: 4

Native Cultures Treated With the Respect They Deserve: Many

Times He Bent the Rules so his CMO could get some nookie from a Cardasian spy plain, simple tailor: The counter broke

Successful black-ops assassinations completed: 1

Category: BAMF

Captain Janeway

THE single most decorated captain in Starfleet history. Successfully dropped the hammer on dozens of petty tyrants, oppressive regimes, roaming mass murderers, and the Borg. What Prime Directive? Your Mom. Also, probably slept with your mom, that's how much she is the Domme-est of Dommes. She told the Borg to use the safe word...and they DID!

Scorecard

Borg Daughters: 1

Times she told the Borg to step off: 3 (or 4...or 5? Honestly, with the time travel shenanigans it's hard to know for sure)

Nazis she's personally shot: 1

Category: Mistress, but it's "Ma'am" to you

Captain Freeman

She's angry AND disappointed! She's just as good as all the other captains in the fleet, and the good ones know it, but all the rest? They see "cali class" and assume all they're good for is the jobs nobody else wants. But jokes on them, because thanks to that attitude her crew are the flippin' Jacks and Jills of all trades and are more capable of fixing AND fucking AND "fucking" shit up than damn near anyone else!

Scorecard

Times the ship has nearly been destroyed but she and her crew got through it: ...uh...how many episodes are there? And then there's the times that get casual mentions that we never get the details on!

Daughters who should probably be captains now if they were at least a LITTLE more respectful and didn't actively try to piss off Admirals: 1

Times the Cerritos has had to be rebuilt to the point it might as well be called "The Ship of Cerritos Problem": At least 4

Category: Your mom...get back here, I'M NOT DONE TALKING TO YOU!

Captain R'El

Cinnamon Roll, just let m'boy into Starfleet! He just wants a home and a family! I'd like to see full-grown captains who can keep up with half of what this Best Boy is capable of!

Scorecard

Number of species his genetic code is made up of: All of 'em. Even the GODDAMN Q!

Number of Janeways he impressed the socks off of: 2

Quality of his Janeway impression: Bad

Number of Ferengi he out-Ferengi'd: 1

Nazis punched: Give him time...

Category: Teenage Boy Who's NOT GOING THROUGH A PHASE, MOM!

Should I do Captains Shaw and Seven? How about Alternate Timeline Tripp or Future Chakotay? (Going too far down that rabbit hole will eventually lead to Imperial Kirk and Captain Spock from the movies.) Let me know in the comments.

Next Post in this series

[wormshirt]

As someone who uses a mobility aid and has muscular tension that cause me general body and joint pain and stiffness from the hips down on both sides what would kill me with doctor who wouldn't be the running it'd be the fucking stairs. They don't always have stairs in doctor who but oh boy when they do. I can run super fast and then inevitably injure my hips and suffer through it and keep limping along through the pain but if it's a flight of stairs between me and safety I'm so dead. If I don't take those stairs 1 step at a time my knees WILL lock or my muscles will throw such a massive hissy fit that it'll take me TWICE the time it takes your average person to go up those stairs and I will be killed or kinapped or put through some strange and unusual scifi horror by step 3. The doctor and I (limping) run down 50000000 hallways and we reach the end of a hall with only a reasonably sized staircase on the other end of it and the doctor immediately starts vaulting up the steps 3 at a time until he turns around and notices that I have stopped completely at the bottom of the steps to stare at him blithely. He starts trying to get me to go up the stairs or ask what the hell I think I'm doing and I slowly lower myself back down to the ground and cross my arms over my chest and begin reciting funeral prayers with a serene smile. The big evil monster comes after me and I am eaten. Badly. The doctor yells NOOOOO really loud and cries a little maybe idk and then is emo about it for like half a season until they end up back by the staircase in a season finale or something and it's revealed that the stairs are magic stairs that preserve the conciousness of any ugly ass bitch who hates staircases enough and the doctor is implied to have know this all along. and the doctor gives me some heartbroken major depressive disorder poster child look and a little speech about how they "couldn't have come back here for blah blah excuses reasons" and I smile sweetly and say "why the fuck didn't you have an emergency exit strategy or some shit incase the guy who uses a fucking cane couldn't do some shit like go up stairs super fast because he uses a fucking cane. Hello. Not even mad. Are you stupid. You are a timelord. Your people let your gay ass fuck off to who knows where because you're the dumbest timelord ever and they couldn't stand your stupid ass. I can't believe I'm stuck on this gay ass space station with this lame ass death for all of eternity because you didn't think that the guy who struggles to go up stairs would struggle to go up stairs. You wanna know what the alien said to me before he ate me. He said hey that dude you're here with sucks so bad and is stupid and gay and lame as hell. And I would have said 'yeah lol' but then he ate me. He ate me because of stairs doctor. Stairs." And then I'd stay forever trapped with my soul in that staircase just so I could spend the rest of enternity sending spam calls and telemarketers to the tardis phone. The doctor's investigating something outside an alien bar somewhere and sees ads like XXX Brittany Wants To Spend a NIGHT With YOU Sexy! Hot Singles in your area! Call here for a night of FUN! HOT SINGLE Xxeksifloryean Milfs Looking For a MATE in GALAXIES NEAR YOU!!!!❤️❤️❤️ and softly puts a hand on the posters and goes "I'm sorry I couldn't save you....." five seconds later jerry from *TOTALLY REAL* intergalactic statefarm NOT A FAKE NOT A SCAM calls up the doctor on the TARDIS phone to ask about the doctor's insurance info. Somewhere I kick an ugly ass step on a stupid fucking staircase and break my ghost toe. I hop around and start swearing.

[kidlit-queen-competition]

Round 2 Poll 14: GLaDOS from Portal vs Nastya Rasputina from the Mechanisms

entry propaganda:

GLaDOS

big!! lovely!! will kill you!! loves you (in-game woman protagonist) a lot!! also hates you!! <3 big robot also <3 a robot that by extension is the entire science lab <3

Weirdly obsessed with another woman and fucks with her "for science"

Had a very fun codependent relationship with Chell which led to me discovering fan fiction in middle school

In unrequited(?) lesbian love with the main character who is also her test subject in the first game and the beginning of the second game. Literally writes and performs a gay-ass aria to her. Has written 4 songs about her if you count the one that’s cut content and the one in the lego game. Also her entire character motivation is “science” until it becomes “science and revenge.” Caused MANY, MANY lesbian awakenings

GLaDOS does it all - evil robot science MILF. While not necessarily a lesbian, a fondness for her is a lesbian trait, and her two songs are breakup songs w/ a woman, so read into that how you wish.

Nastya Rasputina

She is canically gay and is the engineer of the starship. Who is sentient. And her girlfriend. Yes the starship is sentient and her girlfriend.

canonically wlw AND trans. is literally dating her sentient ship, Aurora (in both a romantic and sexual sense.) shes the last princess of Cyberia, which is pretty much just Sprussia (Space Russia) (her backstory is really just the Romanov massacre but make it cyberpunk).

She is an imortal space pirate. She's dating the spaceship (who's name is Aurora). She has mercury for blood. She has forced the mechanisms to go do quests because Aurora was sad. She has the most autistic swag of any charcter I have ever seen.

Canonically a lesbian and dating the sentient starship aurora!! Also immortal space pirate

Not only is she the engineer of a sentient spaceship, she's also in a romantic and sexual relationship with the ship!

[thedreamlessnights]

Ranking the BG3 Companions

Recently finished the epilogue and wanted to give my final opinions ❤️

#1.) Astarion: A murder-hungry vampire out for revenge; a constant mask of seduction covering a traumatic past. Someone who slowly grows to trust you over time, and opens up to you. Is it any surprise I love him? He’s complex, layered, and has so much growth if given the chance. I love him.

#1.) Gale: What can I say? Men with brown hair and big brown eyes are my weakness. Gale is socially-awkward but so charming, full of dry humor, and ridiculously endearing. I mean, he cooks for you. He has a pet tressym and writes poetry. He has the most over-complicated revival I’ve ever seen. I can and will kill Mystra for him. I love him.

#1.) Halsin: My dream man. He’s incredibly respectful, extremely communicative, and kind. He whittles ducks, for god’s sake - and can transform into a giant bear to cuddle with. He’s passionate, very unsubtle about his feelings, and wants to make the world a better place. I love him.

#1.) Jaheira: First of all, she’s a MILF. Second of all, she has the greatest sense of humor. I’ve called her old so many times because she genuinely finds it hilarious. She even gives approvals for that! She may hate being wrong, but if you’re honest with her, she will admit and amend her mistakes. I love her.

#1.) Karlach: Of course she’s #1. Have you seen her? She’s a tiefling golden retriever, and she’s so much more than that. She is fierce, strong, and kind, even in the shittiest of scenarios. She hardened herself to survive what she went through, but she still seeks out joy. She could lift me over her shoulder and carry me to safety <3 I would give her the world. I love her.

#1.) Lae’zel: So many people misunderstand Lae’zel because they never put in any effort to get to know her, and it breaks my heart. She starts off the game terrified. She tries with all her might to get you and the camp to the only cure she knows. She is smart, well-disciplined, and grows so much if you just give her a chance. I love her.

#1.) Minsc: Minsc is perfect. He’s always trying his best. He has a miniature giant space hamster that he always carries around and both trusts and respects like no other. He’s thoughtful, brave, and an excellent fighter. Look in the dictionary for the word ‘himbo,’ it’ll be a picture of Minsc. I love him.

#1.) Shadowheart: Shadowheart is so good to her core that Shar had to essentially put an ‘only evil thoughts’ shock collar on her. She’s incredibly sweet, loves animals, and hates needless cruelty even after all that brainwashing. She’s god’s favorite princess and the most interesting girl in the world. I can and will kill Shar for her. I love her.

#1.) Wyll: Not only does he have the best entrance in the game, but he’s the pure definition of a charming hero. Wyll is passionate and constantly determined despite the odds and despite the circumstances. He has a cheesy pose he does every time he says his hero name. He’s unexpectedly snarky. He’s a true romantic, and even dances with you. I can and will kill Mizora for him. I love him.

[redr0sewrites]

Kafka (HSR) Headcanons

REQS R STILL OPEN<3 KAFKA IS SO PRETTY OMFG I LOVE WOMEN AUUUGH

🥀CW: Smut in the nsfw part, bondage, marking, overall kinky stuff, non-sexual nudity mentioned in the sfw part

🥀 minors dni with the nsfw portion

SFW:

god i love women

kafka is often very busy, so i see her love language as words of affirmation

she loves flirting with you and whispering sweet things in your ear just to watch you get flustered

she can often be very touchy and flirty, however if it makes you uncomfortable she is shockingly good with boundaries and will simply give you space why would u say no tho

she loves having your head in her lap while she plays with your hair

she enjoys taking baths with you, esp after long or difficult missions

she will go all out, she will light candles, put rose petals and bubbles in the water, epson salt cuz its soothing, anything you like. there WILL be romantic music playing softly in the background, i said what i said

she likes to give you back massages and will give you small kisses on the back of your neck

she is VERY protective of you, i wouldnt say to a super controlling level but enough where she gets jealous pretty easily

she is actually so bad at dropping hints like she will flirt with anyone and anything but the second she caught feelings for u she had no idea what to do

she legit just teased u and made fun of u, you would probably think she hated you for awhile until you figured out that she was obsessed with u

have u seen her fit? yall def share a closet

her clothes are your clothes and vice versa

seeing you in her clothes sets something off in her i swear

this often leads to steamy makeout sessions and yk what else

SHE LOVES DOING YOUR MAKEUP AND HAIR SHE WOULD HELP YOU GET READY EVERY DAY IF SHE COULD

she will also let you do hers, but not super often since shes kinda busy sometimes and doesnt want to take forever getting ready

the type of person who can walk for hours and hours forEVER in super tall heels/platforms or "walk it off" after literally being beaten to near death in battle but will complain for days if she gets even the tiniest paper cut

likes giving back hugs

this is random but i feel like she eoukd enjoy puzzles and word games

YALL R THE TYPE TO GO ON FANCY DATES YALL R THE BIGGEST POWER COUPLE EVER

she always, ALWAYS pays for u, holds the door for u, she will hold ur shoes if they're bothering u/she will carry u if she can, LITERALLY A MIX BETWEEN GENTLEMAN AND MILF BEHAVIOR

she will prob introduce u to the other stellaron hunters if u dont already work w them

her friends r ur friends now

yall have self care dates where u get ur nails, hair, and skin care done and go to fancy spas or get massages im too broke to do this idk what people actually do at a spa

overall amazing and wonderful we ignore the fact that shes insane bc its hot

NSFW:

here we gooo

switch energy SWITCH ENERGY

when shes more subby shes still in control, i feel like she would def be a power bottom at least

really enjoys commanding you and ordering you around, gets off on your obedience and your disobedience

HAIR PULLER

she WILL wear a strap and use toys on you, putting a vibrator to your clit/cock while your tied down and watching you squirm and whimper, using leg spreaders to hold ur legs apart while she eats u out/sucks u off, paddles, rods/dildos, thrusting vibrators, she has it ALL

if u dont have stereotypically "female" genitals/or even if u do, she will peg u. there is no escaping it. she will overstimulate you and she will fuck u until ur begging for her to stop, thighs shaking, chest heaving, sobbing and pleading for a break

IDK IF I SAID THIS ALREADY BUT SHE WILL TIE U DOWN AND SHE WILL USE INTRICATE AND PRETTY DESIGNS AND ROPES TO DO SO

she very much enjoys riding ur face, seeing your face covered in her slick below her... godd ur gonna be up the whole night

exhibitionist (i am prob spelling this wrong💀) SHE LIKES PRESSING U UP AGAINST WINDOWS WHILE THERES PEOPLE OUTSIDE AND FUCKING U FROM BEHIND WITH HER STRAP

"oh? your upset about them seeing us? so what? dont worry your pretty little head about trivial things like that dolly, i'll take care of everything for you~" *proceeds to fuck u until ur babbling and no more worried are forming in ur head*

into sensory play as well

ur tied down and blindfolded and she will blot hot air against ur cunt/cock, run an ice cube up and down ur thighs, leave hickeys or kisses on ur thighs, trace a feather around ur chest and trail it down ur abdomen, just above where u want her, so close but so, so far...

perhaps she has a mommy kink, but it would take a little while to discover it 👀

wears lingerie on a regular basis and will strip in front of u at the end of the day leaving u in flustered in shock she loves seeing u all flushed and embarrassed omg

tease teas tease sOO UNFAIR

WILL TEASE U FOR DAYS ON END JUST TO GET U TO SUBMIT

OVERALL THE PERFECTEST AND HOTTEST LOVER U CAN EVER IMAGINE

hi guys cant believe i just wrote this anyways can u tell i have a preference LMFAOO shes just so cool <3 i might have a type *side eyes kindael, kafka, rosaria, and all the other pink/red associated women who r also fucking insane that i simp for* sorry i havent been super active lately, i prob wont be for a little while im going on vacation. however, reqs are still open i am BEGGING for reqs lmao😭 hope u enjoyed! lmk of any errors/gendering issues, hope u enjoyed

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Scripted Bracket — Round 2

Propaganda

Buddy Aurinko (The Penumbra Podcast: Juno Steel):

Buddy Aurinko is a smooth-talking, cool-headed lesbian crime boss with a voice like straight whiskey and a body that runs off...straight whiskey. Literally, she has organs that run off alcohol. Buddy brings a crime family together to steal a space-age cure for disease from pharmaceutical companies who would rather fight over it than release it to the public. We first meet her breaking her estranged fiance out of captivity, and watch as they mend their relationship and ultimately get married after the heist of a lifetime. She knows a bit of what's going on in everyone's head at all times, and isn't afraid to push them. I would like her to push me.

Redheaded MILF space pirate

Hera (Wolf 359):

I don't care if she's an AI with no physical form, she is HOT

my digital wife <3

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Joan Crawford (Dancing Lady, Mildred Pierce, The Women)— God, where do I start!!! Her face is so UNIQUE and compelling and stands out so much. I love her thick brows and high cheekbones. She has a school-marmy hardness too her that makes her a little scary and therefore sexy. Her low thick voice also does it for me. Despite being an unusual looking woman with an unusual face, she never loses her glamour. Just a gorgeous talented actress, AND she was some sort of gay!!!

Louise Beavers (Imitation of Life)—louise beavers spent her whole life forced to play maids and housekeeper characters so as VENGEANCE, i am bringing forth every elegant picture of her i could find to demand justice! black vintage beauty! [pics below the cut]

This is round 3 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Louise Beavers:

Joan Crawford:

I just love women that are very mean.

she was a smoke show in every decade, from the 20s to the 60s.

64.media.tumblr.com

The classic matronly beauty with amazing eyebrows

of course there's a space for MILF joan but i want to just take a second and say she was so cute in her early movies (like grand hotel and the women)! those parts often get forgotten but her stardom shines in them just as much as in her older #queen #icon roles

Misremembered for wire hanger hatred, this original screen queen mastered the art of the comeback and refused to let Hollywood toss her aside as she aged. The term “auteur” is usually revered for directors or writer-directors, but most critics have one actor they’ll give that title to as well: Crawford—anyone who knows classic movies already has a “Crawford picture” in their head. She knew how to style herself and promote herself. She made herself a star and kept herself fixated in the Hollywood firmament. What’s hotter than knowing just how hot you are?

(don’t think about Mommie Dearest right now) Joan was known for being super nice to all the like crew of the movies she worked on and she’d get everyone gifts. Joan would hold movie nights at her house and knit at the back of her home theater. Joan was sooo obsessed with other women including Greta Garbo, whos dressing room she would obsessively and purposefully walk by. She said that while working on Grand Hotel, Garbo grabbed her face and “if there ever was a time in my life where I would’ve been a lesbian, that was it.” But like Joan also probably did sleep with women including Barbara Stanwyck. Joan was so obsessed with Bette Davis, screening multiple movies of hers in a day at her watch party, constantly trying to spend time with her or do a movie together, insisting on the dressing room next to hers at Warners and sending her daily gifts… etc. Once Bette said that sex was gods joke to humanity and Joan said “I think the joke is on her.” Joan fucked a lot. Joan got caught publicly fucking a man and sent a letter to the woman who saw them basically saying “I bet it excited you” and the woman was like you know what. It did. Joan was best friends with a gay man. Joan was an actually genuinely good actress even though people mocked her a lot for being like cheap and stupid (partially because she never finished school because her family was broke). Joan was so insane and so cool that’s all.

[nyctophiliq]

AHHHH can you do arcane milfs and reader with age gap? Like maybe something that explores how they feel about being older than reader. Thanks<3

✮ — 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐎𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐆𝐀𝐏 ; cassandra kiramman, ambessa medarda, enforcer grayson, renata glasc, sevika

content warning. afab! reader, sfw ! — lowercase writing intended, age gap, mention of suggestive themes(?), characters are worried, and the reader is a bit oblivious to it

moss' notes. this is such an amazing idea, moss wants to kiss the anonie on the lips (only if anonie lets moss ofc) another note, moss doesn't think they did justice so they might just come back to this later :)

— CASSANDRA...

it wasn't uncommon between her peers to fool around with a much younger partner, to crave the companion of a young person so they themselves can feel a little younger. she sees it as a normal thing in the world, back then in the older days there were teenagers marrying men in their fifties and up, nowadays that doesn't happen but it's somehow still there in a much healthier way.

it doesn't bother her but the ill talks about your relationship fuel her anger. those nights she has a hard time going to sleep, rambling about how it doesn't matter, that they are lies, and that the two of you will never end up like all her comrades do.

x "no matter the gossip, no matter the looks, i love you with all my heart my darling, nothing can change that."

— AMBESSA...

at first, she wouldn't be too worried about the age gap between the two of you, giving no special thought to it because she had plenty of girls as young as her own daughter or even younger before. but when she thinks about having a family, a long life with you the fearless warlord can't help but be scared of what is to come. she had never really thought about her own mortality, she decided if death is to take her to battler then she will be pleased, but with you in the picture, she is not sure if she would like that either.

x "i live in great fear now with you by myself, but i don't dread it, i just hope it will ease. i love you, my dearest y/n."

— GRAYSON...

she can't, she faces so many dirty people on her job, people who take advantage of younger people and call them stupid just because of the age gap is just unacceptable in her opinion. she has a hard time accepting her feelings for you, struggling every step of the way and even now that you have been together for a while she still feels that she needs to apologize if she has ever made you feel like you were just a pretty young thing, a toy that she could use as she pleased. she begged for your forgiveness if she made you feel like that, crawling on her knees in front of you. it is a heartbreaking sight to see someone like her be in such a wrong space of mind.

x "i hope you know that i would never treat you differently just because you are younger, that i don't see you as something to play with, but i see you as my life... i'm sorry."

— RENATA GLASC...

renata might be even more worried about the years between the two of you than anyone else. she hates to think that you might feel that she is too old for you or you are too young for her, that because she is already successful in her line of work she will never appreciate the small things you achieve before the big ones roll in. she wants you to feel equal next to her, to not think that at any given time she is trying to use that horrible line that mothers use, the "i am older than you, i know better, i know what's right for you and me" - she might know more than you, but isn't to say that you are not smarter than her in other topics.

x "we are equal, regardless of our age or knowledge, i love you despite anything they say. i want you for who you are, not because of what you are, my sweetheart."

— SEVIKA...

sevika isn't immune to the worry that comes with the age gap between the two of you, but she takes it less seriously than the others. she has accepted the fact that she has little control over who she falls in love with, who makes her heart flutter and make her realize that she doesn't need to be a god for someone to love her, that she can be human and you would find her nothing but lovely. she thinks very little of how the years between the two of you would affect your relationship.

x "you and i are a team, nobody can take us on, they just have to deal with it."

tag list ; @roguescarlett @mxyx-rx444 @darlingmisa @einrosa @sevikasangel @nopealoupe @pixiegirlz @gonegonethankyouuu @xthescarletbitch @orang3-ish @bigboobslilheart

[1111jenx]

— a lil astro notes 4 July🌷

navi: masterlist I — masterlist II

hi guys it's jenx🤍 it's been a while since my last astro observation isn't it? i hope u guys will enjoy this small thing i put together<3 enjoy angels<3

🌷 taurus rising/ taurus in the first people need a lot of attention and validation. this is especially true if their chart has extra fixed placements. it is understandable since these people give often and it is only fair for them to expect the same energy in return. their pet peeves are ungrateful people.

🌷 Venus dominant can be classified into two categories: those who desire beauty and everything that is idealistic, and those who want sensuous pleasure. when Venus is well aspected, the native is kind, helpful, philantropic, and artistic.

🌷 mars-pluto aspects in synastry may mean the relationship may be extremely triggering to both parties. pluto is obsessive and controlling and mars is combative but argumentative. not an easy one to manage in relationships especially the square aspects.

🌷 sagittarius moon is an expansive placement. people with this placement are naturally lovable and people usually come to them for advices. however, they may keep their issues to themselves often. they're only vocal about their issues when they deem its time to. the type to be very nostalgic in private.

🌷 virgo rising individuals age like fine wine. they are THE milf placement. they have this flair of mystery and royalty to their beauty. very easy on the eyes. they're also very chatty once you get to know them, usually are very up to date on almost everything.

🌷 scorpio (pluto) in the 1st are known to be mysterious but they usually are not as private as scorpio (pluto) in the 4th or scorpio (pluto) in the 10th house. these people prioritize privacy extremely high. they would go to great distance to make sure of this.

🌷 don't try to fill ur life with people who are dominant of the element you lack. when these people leave your life you may feel extremely drained, lost and in deep denial. instead, try to balance this energy by adopting the themes of that element yourself. remember, you already have everything you seek within you.

🌷 people with moon-MC aspects have big hearts. some may dislike having to display their emotions publicly especially if they have harsh aspects as they strongly think its "unprofessional" but they deep down appreciate emotionally honest people. usually feel a burden to carry on the family legacy too.

🌷 mars-jupiter aspects in one's chart point to love for adrenaline rush. these people seek for thrills and pleasure. they can be hard workers but they know how to relax and party too! they may be into stuff like extreme sports or fast cars haha

🌷 sun square moon people can be a bit of a pessimist sometimes but they have a weirdly charming way with their sarcastic nature. very alert and aware of their public and private self, yet they dislike having to explain themselves too much.

🌷 people with the sign you have in your 8th house as their placements are the people that you might have a love hate relationship with or just naturally more intense relationship than usual. OR the sign that sits in your 8th house displays traits that can trigger you in ways you can't necessarily describe and tend to avoid admitting to.

🌷 venus trine pluto natives when younge are extremely promiscuous and can be very seductive. they enjoy intense companies and secretly love attention. but once they meet someone who is just as passionate and devoted as them deep down, they will allow themselves to finally open to falling in love.

🌷 sun conjunct venus people love having their partner's full attention. they need someone who can devote themselves to them fully and be their safe space. they also want someone who they can be proud of and have a good laugh with. they're not as nearly superficial as people paint them to be. very devoted once in love. (similar to leo venus!!)

🌷 also sun conjunct venus people will go far if they enter some sort of beauty contests (especially if they have other positive sun/venus aspects)

🌷 Saturn in the 11th house and Mars in the 11th house usually experience painful close friendships. It's almost as if their friends may hurt them even worse than their lovers at times.

🌷 pisces ascendant energy is very comforting to be around. their lives usually consist of going through a lot of hardships when young but all their prayers will be answered with time. these jupiter children have big hearts but may experience a lot of jealousy from others when young.

🌷 my kinda odd personal favourites to have in synastry are actually moon in fire houses (1st, 5th, 9th houses). this is because the house person usually believe in the planet person A LOT. and the pair gives off bestfriend for life energy because they just have this blind faith (especially 9th house) in one another's ability. arguments may often occur due to emotional misunderstanding but these people are more likely to hear each other out than most tbh. they deeply want to understand the others unconsciously.

🌷 venus in second house in synastry is just 🥹. i honestly like this placement even more than venus in 7th house synastry because 7th house can also be the house of close enemies (yup) but 2nd house is just a bundle of joy for venus to thrive in from my observation. so giving and loving vocally and they enjoy each other's comfort so much sitting in complete silence feel amazing. very lovey dovey and giving. most likely to get comfortable with one another.

🌷 cancer rising as well as leo rising people value kindness and goodness in people. they may surround themselves with different kind of people but the ones they choose to keep close are usually very good-natured, can be a little bit naive but also extremely supportive and honourable. they actually adore honest people.

🌷 virgo mars people sense of humour is elite. their laugh is so contagious and they're often the funniest when they're unapologetically being themselves. the type to be very polite and socially smart as well.

🌷 saturn in 2nd house is THE hustler placement. spend a lot of money but they'll make it back in no time;) your money is safe with them (kinda).

🌷 being loved by a libra rising is honestly once in a life time kind of experience. they are so loving and they'll always prioritize you. but be aware of their sensitivity and secret need to control. make sure you follow up on your promises or your libra rising bae will be awake at 3am thinking about that for the next 20 years. super generous with their lovers too.

love,

saint jenx🪐

© 2021 Saintz Jenx All Rights Reserved

[jymwahuwu]

I can't stop thinking about Jing Yuan having a darling who already has children from a previous relationship that may not have ended so well.

They came to Luofu for a better life for their children, and have sworn off relationships so they can 1. Focus on being the best parent they can be and 2. Not repeat the same mistakes they made before. They didn't think much of it when their oldest asked if one of their friends could come over with their dad, but when they opened the door to invite their guests in they weren't expecting the General and his charge to be right in front of them.

And Jing Yuan suddenly realized he had a thing for Milfs.

Jing Yuan has been listening to Yanqing talk about the new friends he met - they came from a planet hundreds of light years away. How their lunch boxes are different from Xianzhou style. Totally new, friendly, different. So, when Yanqing said he would take his dear general father to visit his new best friend's home, he agreed.

How to say it? In Xianzhou's aesthetics, the moment of first sight is important. It has nothing to do with how you look. You stood in the living room, heard the doorbell, turned around and smiled, forming Jing Yuan's first impression of you. You are so beautiful. Full of family atmosphere.

(You're freaking out in front of the food being prepared because your baby brought a friend and his dad to visit your home but that's the general of a space civilization. The leader of the land you're standing on.)

Jing Yuan: :3

[stem-sister-scuffle]

STEM SISTER SCUFFLE: ROUND 1 MASHUP 11

Lotus/Hazuki Kashiwabara (Zero Escape) vs Lup (The Adventure Zone)

Lotus/Hazuki Kashiwabara is a Computer Scientist and Programmer/Hacker!

Lup is an Astrophysicist and Extraplaner Researcher! (she researches inter-dimensional space travel)

Lup fanart made by @herbgerblin

Why you should vote for each contestant:

Lotus/Hazuki Kashiwabara:

"She's practical she's smart she is caring, she will force hack a security system while she is kidnapped and maintaining a deep conversation like is no biggie and will info dump about science and psychology facts in the middle of said kidnapping"

"At first you think she’s just the token sexy lady character but then like 3/4 into the game you find out NO she is PROFICIENT IN EVERY PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE and CAN HACK ANYTHING and IS A PROFESSIONAL SOFTWARE ENGINEER. She does all this dressed as a belly dancer with her whole tiddies out. Her science-ness is a mild spoiler so I’m not sure how you’d handle it?? But tbh I think it’s fine it’s the least spoilery reason I’ve seen any zero escape character submitted to a tumblr poll"

"SHE'S GREAT SHE'S LOVELY SHE IS A GIRLBOSS. She's also a mom and loves her daughters so much 🥺 Lotus is her codename, not her real name. Most people call her by that name though, since her real name is only mentioned a couple times total... I wouldn't technically consider her real name a spoiler since it's not plot relevant, so do with that what you want"

"milf who loves her kids. a very entertaining character but also helps a lot with the game by using her programming skills. look up her coding cg it is Something"

"She's digital security consultant and a talented computer hacker! She helps you out a lot with one of the puzzles ingame, she has 2 daughters, and she likes to bellydance! also she's divorced"

"canon milf single mother slay. she mean and i love her"

Lup:

"badass trans woman who is not only a highly competent astrophysicist who was chosen to be part of the first extra-planar expedition, she is also an incredibly powerful evocation (blowing shit up) wizard and uses her powers to full effect. in addition she has, along with her husband, transformed herself into an incredibly powerful lich, just all around badass and competent woman in stem we love to see it"

"Literally studied space and inter-dimensional travel and magic and necromancy for 100 years. She was part of her home planet’s first inter-dimensional expedition on a crew of 7. She’s got that transfem swag and literally became a lich for love and science and to save the universe"

"She’s incredible. She’s trans, she’s a lich, she and her husband pined for decades before getting together, she’s an elf, she’s a twin, but that’s all just spices in the cake. She’s genuinely a genius and a total badass and is so full of love. She is the first character i thought of for submitting to a women in stem bracket because she’s just so iconic. Lup Adventurezone i would die for you"

[slut4thebroken]

Space wolf

Pairing | Keith Kogane x reader

Summary | Keith brings home a wolf, cat person!reader is not happy

Warnings | cringe worthy fluff

Words | 1.5k

Notes | I’m not used to writing fluff so I’m sorry if it’s bad lol. I made this in November and it’s been done for a while and I’m trying to get over my fear of posting my fics lmao

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

“What the fuck is that?” Was the first thing you asked when you finally returned to the castle. You were on a mission with the blade, so you weren’t there when he arrived. 

“It’s my wolf.” Keith smiled, petting its head. “His name is Kosmo.”

“Why do you have a wolf??” 

“Is this her?” The woman standing next to him gave him a knowing smile. Keith blushed and introduced you to her before turning back to you. 

“This is my mom, Krolia.” He told his mom about you? No, don't be silly… He probably told her about everyone on the team. 

“It’s really nice to meet you.” You smiled, trying to act normal after Keith just came back and all of a sudden had a mom and wolf. Speaking of…

“Why do you have a wolf?” You whisper yelled at him. Krolia excused but neither of you acknowledged her.  

“We found him! What was I supposed to do? Leave him?” You stared at him with wide eyes. 

“Yes!” You said in disbelief and he looked at you like you were crazy. “It’s a wolf-“

“First of all, don’t call him “it.’” You rolled your eyes. “Second of all, it’s okay for you to adopt an animal but not me?” 

“That’s different.” 

“How?!”

“Princess is a dignified, intelligent, actually useful cat. That,” You pointed at the furry beast sitting obediently by his side, “is a wolf. Not even a dog- a wolf!” 

“Kosmo is a thousand times more useful than Princess!” He touched Kosmo and all of a sudden they were both standing right in front of you. You tried taking a step back but he wrapped his arm around you and put his hand on your lower back, pulling you into him. 

You gasped and stared at him wide eyed. Partly because of what the wolf just did but mostly because Keith was different. You didn’t notice at first that he was even taller than you now, or that he just seemed to be bigger in general. You put your hands on his chest to ground yourself. Yep. Definitely bigger. 

“I missed you.” He said before leaning in to kiss you. You snaked your hands up to grab his hair and the back of his neck. His other hand reached up to grab your hip. You pulled back but stayed close to him. 

“It hasn’t been that long.” You laughed breathlessly.  

“It has for me.” This time, when he leaned down, he put his head next to yours and wrapped his arms around your waist, hugging you. You tightened your arms around him. 

“How long?” You asked quietly.

“Two years.” That made you pull back just enough to look at him. 

“What? Where were you?” 

“Quantum abyss. Long story.” You frowned, running your hands through his hair and lightly scratching his head. 

“I’m sorry.” You wanted to know more, but knew he’d tell you when he’s ready. 

“Don’t be. I missed you a lot, but it was nice being able to get to know Krolia more.” He gave you a small smile. 

“I can’t believe you found her.” You smiled back at him. 

“Wait so you’re- you’re half Galra?” Your eyes widened at the realization. He did not look half Galra. You probably would’ve guessed maybe ⅛ Galra? But not half. You moved his hair out of the way to look at his ear then moved his lips to check his teeth. 

“What are you doing?” He chuckled. 

“You don’t look half Galra. I would ask if you’re sure she’s your mom but she looks exactly like you. It’s kinda freaky actually.” 

“She does?” 

“I’m serious, you guys look almost identical. Like if you were full Galra and a girl, that’s what you would look like. Don’t worry though, milfs aren’t my type.” You said teasingly and he pouted. God he’s adorable.

“I only have eyes for one Galra Kogane.” You smiled at him, playing with his hair again. “Spoiler alert: it’s you.” He smiled sheepishly and looked down. 

“I really missed you.” He hugged you again. After a beat he pulled away and gave you another kiss. 

He managed to convince you to let Kosmo meet Princess. That’s how you found yourself walking to your room, Keith beside you and Kosmo trailing behind him. You opened the door and Princess ran up to Keith. He picked her up and scratched her head a bit, listening to her purr. 

“I missed you too.” He chuckled when she started trying to rub her head on his face. “Kosmo, stay.” He waited outside the door while you sat on your bed with Keith and Princess. You gave each other a nervous look before he called for Kosmo. 

Princess immediately became hostile, jumping off Keith and hiding behind you. You just hoped that she’d calm down enough to sense that you didn’t see him as a threat. You don’t really know why, or how it happened, but you have a similar bond with your cat as Allura does with the mice. 

You turned around on the bed and put her in your lap, hiding her from Kosmo who was getting curious and starting to move closer. You closed your eyes and lightly pet her head, trying to let her feel your emotions toward the wolf. She was like this with Keith at first too, and it didn’t help that he was apprehensive about her also. 

You felt her start to calm down and become more curious rather than scared. She stood up on her back legs, resting her front paws on your chest, and peered over your shoulder to investigate. 

Keith had Kosmo sit, so the only movement was his panting and his tail sweeping across the floor. 

“It’s okay.” You whispered and she dropped down into your lap then started walking toward the space on the bed between you and Keith. Kosmo leaned forward as far as he could without getting up and Princess flinched back. When she realized he was only sniffing and not trying to attack she moved closer and sniffed him as well. 

“This is going a lot better than I thought it would.” Keith whispered to you. 

“Good thing too. Cause if they hate each other, Princess isn’t the one to go. Seniority and all that.” You whispered back, lightheartedly. Out of the corner of your eye you watched Princess jump to the floor. 

“I hate to break it to you… but if we’re going by seniority, Kosmo and I aren’t the ones leaving.” He leaned into your space and gave you a small smirk. You narrowed your eyes at him. 

You lunged at him, pushing him back on the bed until you were laying on top of him. He immediately started laughing alongside you and fighting back. He got you on your back and you started tickling him so he grabbed your wrists and held them down. Both of your laughter died down until you were just breathing heavily and smiling like idiots. A sudden weight being dropped on top of him, making him fall onto you, forced a breath out of you. 

“Ow…” You watched as Kosmo fell off of Keith until he was laying next to you, panting and ready to play. You gave him a faux glare. 

“I’ll let it slide this time, wolf. But if it happens again, especially if we’re in the middle of something, you will be banned from this room.” You tried to keep the serious expression on your face but broke out into a fit of laughter when Kosmo responded by tilting his head and looking at Keith. 

“She’ll warm up to you soon, don’t worry.” Keith whispered and Kosmo seemed content with that answer. He yawned and then put his head down on your arm. 

“He better not drool on me.” You said when he closed his eyes. There was a beat of silence and you looked at Keith who had a guilty expression. 

“He’s kind of a drooler… sorry.” 

“Remind me why I let you and the cosmic wolf in my room again? Let alone on my bed.” 

“Because you love me.” He smiled, releasing one of your wrists to tuck your hair behind your ear. “And by extension, him too.” He added and you scoffed. 

“Is that so?” 

“Yep.” He rested his chin on your chest and you brought your free hand to his hair, playing with it and scratching his head. He closed his eyes and he- 

He started purring.

You had to check to make sure it wasn’t just Princess but she was laying down on the other side of the room and you could feel the vibrations on your chest. 

“I do love you.” You whispered. “And I guess, maybe, the space beast too.” 

“You know you can just call him Kosmo.” He turned his head so his cheek was on your chest now. He was still laying on top of you and even if he crushed you to death, you wouldn’t even consider moving. Kind of like when your cat lays on you. 

He opened his eyes to look at you before saying, “I love you too.” You smiled and he closed his eyes again, continuing purring. 

“You better not drool on me either.” You could feel him smile against your chest. 

“No promises.”