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wintervalewritersecond · 1 year

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christmas miracle - wednesday addams

requested: yes! requests: open! Is it possible for a wednesday x reader where after the battle of Crackstone and going home Wednesday realize that she has feelings for Reader and fast forward to nearing christmas Reader visits Wednesday to give her a present reader promised back at Nevermore and before reader left, wednesday tells reader her feelings but needs time to process it because she is not use to romantic feelings?

A/N: merry christmas! <3 i tried to incorporate some addams family tv show and musical elements in it as well :') I'm sorry if it feels rushed, i wanted to have it finished before Christmas ended <3

wordcount: 2,144 warnings: they/them pronouns, characters may be ooc.

A Christmas miracle has come true when Wednesday reveals her emotions to you. In a way.

"Oh, hello darling! Lurch, get their bags, will you?"

Morticia Addams opened the door with a smile on her face. Her eyeshadow is as black as night and her lips are painted a bloody red, though you guess it fits the Christmas theme as well. You had been invited to the Addams household this Christmas. Your own parents were not going to be home and back at Nevermore you had promised Wednesday a gift. After exchanging multiple letters, she had invited you.

You were excited to celebrate it with her. You were used to the whole Santa Claus tradition, but you knew that Wednesday had something else prepared. Lurch then takes hold of your bags, already up the stairs so place them in Wednesday's room.

"I can not believe we finally have one of Wednesday's friends over. Please, let me show you around."

You follow the tall lady through the hall and into the living room. On your way to it, you can already see tons of strange and unusual decorations. A small guillotine stood in the hallway, a beheaded Marie Antoinette doll resting next to it, though the head seemed to be missing.

"Ah, that is a gift Wednesday once received. Oh, how she loved that guillotine. She even had it on a birthday cake once."

You could have guessed that. Wednesday has become your best friend in the last semester, so you knew exactly what the girl liked or disliked. A guillotine at the age of seven? She would have been thrilled. Finally, you enter the living room.

It is absolutely grand. Luxurious fabrics and curtains, tons of taxidermy, a dark piano, and a noose hanging from the ceiling. Though you are not nearly as dark as Wednesday or her family, you surely did find all of it interesting.

"Wednesday!"

The pig-tailed girl walks down the stairs, her face stoic, yet it looks like she is enjoying herself much more than she did at Nevermore.

"Y/N, welcome. I hope you like our Christmas decorations," Wednesday looks over at the dead Christmas tree which stands in the middle of the room.

"Oh, of course!" You smile, looking at your friend.

She is wearing something similar to her usual attire. A black dress with white accents, yet not too many. You recall her saying that that would take away from her ability to look ghostly.

"This tree has been in our family for years," Morticia mumbles dreamily, "It belonged to Gomez, you know!"

Gomez walks out of the same entrance that Wednesday had come out of, his suit crisp and nicely ironed. A big smile is on his face as he greets you, also gesturing to the tree.

"Yes, I picked this many moons ago! I took each and every prickly needle out of it myself. I was so convinced that Santa Claus would hang more on it that way."

Gomez and Morticia share a loving look, making Wednesday's nose scrunch up lightly before stepping closer to you. She hated to see her parents so... In love. The emotion itself already made her have rashes on her skin, and not the ones she enjoys.

The dinner had gone splendidly. You had heard tons of stories from when Wednesday and Pugsley were younger, how Morticia and Gomez met, and much more.

"Ah, the game," Gomez takes another bite of his food. "You know, Morticia is amazing at organizing those. One time, we tried to invite some parents over. You know, there was a whole incident with the pool and the piranhas, so we tried to make it up to them. A beautiful dinner made by Morticia, and our family tradition has always been the game."

"What is the game?" You curiously asked, your plate already empty. Morticia's cooking was truly extraordinary.

"Well, we have one called 'Full disclosure', and-"

"Okay, Father. That is enough. I am sure that Y/N can wait with hearing that."

Wednesday pushes her chair back before looking at you.

"Let us retire to the bedroom. The bright Christmas lights are giving me a migraine and it makes me want to hit my head with a hammer."

The girl already walked off without waiting for you to respond. You look from Wednesday to the rest of the table, quickly thanking them for the dinner and stories before hurrying after your friend.

Wednesday is standing at the door that leads to her bedroom. You had never seen her house before, and Wednesday was also not the person who would talk about her home all too much.

"You will be sleeping in my room. We would have given you the spare room, but Pugsley is still working on his taxidermy."

"Ah, no problem. Besides, I have had sleepovers at your dorm before."

The girl grimaces.

"Unlike those horrid happenings, there are no pink glitters and bright neon nail polish here. I would rather set myself on fire than see any of that today."

She opens the door before walking in. Your bags have been set in the middle of the room, neatly organized by size. Wow, Lurch is organized.

The room has the same elements as the dorm that Wednesday slept in at Nevermore. A typewriter, record player, her cello standing in the corner, and Thing patiently sitting on the bed.

"Thing! I haven't seen you in ages," you laugh, sitting down next to the hand. "I got you a small gift."

You rummage through your bags, trying to find the small tube of hand cream.

"A-ha!" You hold it above your head, a grin on your face. "Your favorite! It was the last one in Jericho!"

If a hand could jump, it would have. You place the small tube next to him as Thing tightly grabs onto it.

"Great," Wednesday says. "His ego is going to go through the roof. For only a hand, he sure has a lot of nerve."

"Oh, come on, Wednesday! And besides, you know that I got you a gift as well. I promised you back at Nevermore."

Wednesday knew you promised her. You had written about it in multiple letters, ones that the girl kept in a small box. She thought your letters were disgustingly sweet. It is like you sprayed your sugary-smelling perfume on each thin piece of paper. After everything went down with Crackstone, you had written to each other much more. Wednesday still hates technology, and she wants to avoid it as much as she can.

She looks you up and down, raising one eyebrow.

"Well. I might have something in return."

She didn't tell you that. You look at her before blinking once, reaching into your bag yet again. Last week it was finally finished. You don't quite know what to expect. She might hate it, but she might also not mind it. A package comes out of your bag, neatly wrapped in black wrapping paper and closed with a thick, black ribbon. Who knew that black paper was so hard to find.

You step closer to the girl, the gift in your hands and a smile on your face. Wednesday is curious, one eyebrow still raised. What could you have ever gotten her?

"It uh... It's a small set. Couldn't decide what to do," you let out a laugh. "I can always get rid of it somewhere. If you don't like it."

Wednesday takes your gift, carefully opening the ribbon before lifting the top of the box off. Inside are two smaller packages.

She opens the biggest one. Inside is a doll that seems to be split in half. Only the head is in the box, and Wednesday knows it all too much. It matches the doll from her childhood too well.

"Marie Antoinette. The one from my guillotine."

Wednesday runs her fingers over the small details of the dollface. The eyes look as lifeless as ever, the eyelids opening and closing when the head gets moved forwards or backward.

Only once was the doll mentioned to you. Wednesday remembered losing the head while trying to scare her classmates, and she never found it back. That is, until now.

"Yeah. I saw the guillotine. Wild for a 9-year-old," you laugh. "Open the next one. It's better. I hope."

Better than the first gift? Is it a real beheaded body?

The box is a bit smaller than the one that contained the doll head, though a bit heavier. In it hides a wooden plaque, neatly stained with some type of varnish. A scorpion, its tail curled and its claws seeming to be ready to clip. The small silver plate says 'Nero' in a handwritten font. It was put on there quite messily.

"I tried to take a taxidermy class. I know you really loved Nero, and I know that this isn't exactly the same, but I hope you still like it. I fucked up his legs a bit."

One of his legs was indeed a bit crooked, but Wednesday didn't care. Her eyes are fixated on the small scorpion as she almost seems to be pulled back into her childhood memories. Her silence makes you nervous. You are used to Wednesday being quiet and only using her gaze to shutting people up, but this silence is different.

She truly is at a loss for words. No one had ever been this thoughtful with gifts for the girl. Not when her cake existed out of a functioning guillotine, not when her mother had let her visit a funeral home for the first time, and not when Pugsley allowed her to bury him alive on his birthday.

"No," she nods. "It looks exactly like him."

You let out a breath that you didn't know you were holding. Thank god she liked it. Taxidermy used to freak you out, but after being surrounded by things much darker than it, you got over it quite fast.

The scorpion gets placed in an empty space on her desk, that is where Wednesday spent most of her time anyway. But, her gift for you is also there. A small, tiny box is hidden in the drawer.

Wednesday doesn't feel nervous. She never has. Though now, her dead heart seems to be beating. It feels like she will throw up, her throat feels tight and she doesn't know what to say.

"Thing, leave us."

Thing doesn't care. All he wants is to use the hand creme. He runs out with the bottle of creme in his grip as the door closes back behind him. Wednesday then turns around, the small box now in her hands before walking over to you. She sticks her arm out, staring at you before you take the box carefully.

"I feel like I now should answer your letter. In real life."

She gestures for you to open the box, and it reveals a small ring with her initial on it. It looks exactly like the necklace that she wears herself.

"My mother and father might believe in unconditional love, but I always thought it was fake. Emotions are what makes you weak, and I have tried to avoid them as long as I could," she continues. "They make you feel disgusting. I want to rip all my hair out, strand by strand. You make me want to bite off all my fingers as I get electrocuted at the same time."

You look up at her, your eyes sparkling and a smile on your face.

"This means I... like you," she mutters. "But, on one condition."

Whatever condition it is, you will take it. You had expressed your interest on Wednesday before, but she was quick to shut you off. She insisted that she was not the person you would want to be with, trying to scare you off. You respected her choice as the two of you still decided to stay befriended. But this news is the best Christmas present you might have ever received.

"Anything."

"I need time. I am not used to any type of romantic feelings. I need to figure this out on my own. Seeing my parents being so sweet with each other makes me want to stab myself until I bleed out. Just... time."

You slip the ring onto your finger. A perfect fit.

"Wednesday Addams, I would kill for you if that is what it takes."

A small smirk forms on her face.

"Now, don't excite me too much."

You stand up, admiring your ring before opening your arms to give the girl a hug. An 'oh' leaves your mouth when you realize what you did as you drop your hands, just smiling at the girl. She looks at you before sighing.

"Only. One."

A Christmas miracle. Truly.

#wednesday addams #wednesday addams imagine #wednesday addams oneshot #wednesday addams x reader #request

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uncxntrxllable · 6 months

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* * 𝐓𝐀𝐆 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑!

𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑(𝐒): * blue and purple

𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑(𝐒): * uhhh pizza. pizza is a flavor.

𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂: * I don't know genres or names very well lmao, some taylor swift, selena gomez maybe like sometimes I dunno, songs I hear on tiktok and in tv shows or movies.

𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄(𝐒): alita battle angel, carrie (2013), bird box, nimona, all jurassic, and too many!

𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒: I think I am obligated to put h2o just add water because I have watched it way too many times. also teen wolf, hudson and rex, sweet tooth, mom, santa clarita diet, pretty hard cases, and soooo many tbh

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆: hooligans vip mix

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒: titans

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄: the hunger games ballard of songbirds and snakes

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆: nothing, I don't really read books.

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆: not right now but I just recently started titans on netflix

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐍: my drafts of course!

TAGGED BY; @royaltyearned

TAGGING; @themultiversemerc @wexarethewalkingxdead @olwin-unicorn @twistedhxart @rowan-revelry @midnightcruizin @allthemusestuff @coveitous

#thank you for tagging me!!!#mun ; 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑠𝑒

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docrotten · 13 days

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SANTA SANGRE (1989) – Episode 259 – Decades Of Horror 1980s

“I’m sorry… I was having an hallucination…” That explains a lot! Join your faithful Grue Crew – Chad Hunt, Bill Mulligan, Jeff Mohr, and guest host Scott Wells – as they take in Alejandro Jodorowsky’s Santa Sangre (1989), a disarming film tattooed with symbolism … including the disarming part.

Decades of Horror 1980s Episode 259 – Santa Sangre (1989)

Join the Crew on the Gruesome Magazine YouTube channel! Subscribe today! Click the alert to get notified of new content! https://youtube.com/gruesomemagazine

Gruesome Magazine is partnering with the WICKED HORROR TV CHANNEL (https://wickedhorrortv.com/) which now includes video episodes of Decades of Horror 1980s and is available on Roku, AppleTV, Amazon FireTV, AndroidTV, and its online website across all OTT platforms, as well as mobile, tablet, and desktop.

A former circus artist escapes from a mental hospital to rejoin his armless mother – the leader of a strange religious cult – and is forced to enact brutal murders in her name as he becomes “her arms.”

Directed by: Alejandro Jodorowsky

Writing Credits:

Original Story by: Alejandro Jodorowsky

Adapted for the Screen by: Roberto Leoni

Screenply by: Alejandro Jodorowsky, Roberto Leoni, Claudio Argento

Producer: Claudio Argento

Selected Cast:

Axel Jodorowsky as Fenix

Blanca Guerra as Concha

Guy Stockwell as Orgo

Thelma Tixou as The Tattooed Woman

Sabrina Dennison as Alma

Adan Jodorowsky as Young Fenix

Faviola Elenka Tapia as Young Alma

Teo Jodorowsky as Pimp

Mary Aranza as Fat Prostitute (as Ma. De Jesus Aranzabal)

Jesús Juárez as Aladin (as Jesus Juarez)

Sergio Bustamante as Monsignor

Gloriella as Rubi (as Gloria Contreras)

S. Rodriguez as The Saint

Zonia Rangel Mora as Trini

Joaquín García Vargas as Box-Office Attendant (as Borolas)

Teo Tapia as Business Man

Edgar E. Jiménez Nava as Monsignor’s Chauffeur (as Edgar E. Jimenez Nava)

Jacobo Lieberman as Monsignor’s Secretary

Héctor Ortega as Doctor (as Hector Ortega Gomez)

Brontis Jodorowsky as Orderly 1

Valérie Crouzet as Orderly 2 (as Valerie Crouzet)

Óscar Serafín Álvarez as Soldier 1 (as Oscar Serafin Alvarez)

Billy Motton as Soldier 2

Hilario ‘Popitekus’ Vargas as Wrestler 1

Guadalupe ‘TNT’ Aguilar as Wrestler 2

Arturo ‘Rinoceronte’ Contreras as Wrestler 3

Gustavo Aguilar Tejada as Beggar

Roger Fayard Arroyo as Beggar

In this episode, Jeff, Chad, and Bill welcome guest-host Scott Wells to review the 1989 “avant-garde surrealistic psychological horror film” from director Alejandro Jodorowsky. While the film is in English, Santa Sangre is a Mexican and Italian co-production that features a truly bizarre tale that has to be seen to be believed. The less said here, the better – it’s so much better to join the Grue-Crew to revisit this unpredictable, gorgeous, must-see mind-bender.

At the time of this writing, Santa Sangre is available to stream from Shudder, AMC+, Screambox, Kanopy, and Tubi, and is available on physical media from Severin in three releases: Blu-ray (2011), 2-Disc Special Edition Blu-ray (2021), and a 4K Ultra HD 4-Disc Limited Edition Collector’s Set (2021). Both 2021 releases are made from a 4K scan of the original negative supervised by the director.

Every two weeks, Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror 1980s podcast will cover another horror film from the 1980s. The next episode’s film, chosen by Crystal, will be The Boogey Man (1980), directed by Ulli Lommel and featuring the formidable John Carradine … and a mirror? This should be a fun one!

Please let them know how they’re doing! They want to hear from you – the coolest, grooviest fans – so leave them a message or comment on the Gruesome Magazine Youtube channel, on the Gruesome Magazine website, or email the Decades of Horror 1980s podcast hosts at [email protected].

Check out this episode!

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miercolaes · 6 months

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️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ️️️️️️️️️️️️️𝖆 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖑𝖊𝖘 𝖆𝖉𝖉𝖆𝖒𝖘 𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 𝖋𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖋𝖆𝖒𝖎𝖑𝖞

after scouring the internet for something to bring me back the muse, i have stumbled upon a collection of illustrations made by charles addams. everything found is from an internet archive which can be found here (though i suggest going for the .cbr files which are 100% safe). the pages feature more than just the addams family content. below the cut you will find edited versions of the screenshots i took + headcanons that apply to my wednesday based off of them.

where the name of principal weems originated from. that's all, in my version of wednesday she never had weems as babysitter, but i wanted you to know the origins.

watering plants runs in the family. wednesday has her own plants. most of them borrowed from morticia and some she has received from other family members. most of them are either deadly, poisonous or just beautiful through her dark lenses.

featuring a new family member, uncle cosimo. he's probably the one that set the tradition of aiming to be the worst and leave this world a worse place than it was before.

tooth removal. it's funny because i think most of us did similar things with our baby teeth, but instead of a trap door it was just a plain door. or if you were like me, you were using cars with remote control because you thought that was cool. i really hope i didn't just out myself and you did the same thing as a kid.

some father - daughter bonding. swinging on a broom to feel more like a witch. wednesday adores his father although she may appear a tad cold as she grows up. this version of wednesday loves her family very much, thank you for coming to my vero talk.

wednesday canonically has six toes on one foot. as you can see, she didn't mind physical contact as a kid. and she learned how to pry from her mother.

christmas eve. reading some skewed version of a christmas carol was tradition. both wednesday and pugsley were fascinated. you guessed it right, the children loved bob. it's even more funny that i already did that without knowing it was canon and well, i too read a christmas carol on christmas eve almost every year. i am becoming an addams.

the reason why the children do not like santa. why hurt / torture an animal when you can do the same but with people who most likely deserve it? they don't like santa. below this, you'll see how they are waiting for him.

burn that bastard. forget gifts, they don't even need them. but santa must pay for what he's done. wednesday probably made a whole campaign to free the reindeers and the elves from santa's tyranical wrath.

family photos are the best. which is why if you take a picture with wednesday she won't stay deadpan. she will sneer or make some creepy face. it's what she was taught, alright?

how fairytales should be. in this version, wednesday loved fairytales with this kind of happy endings. however, what she heard is public school was atrocious. she hated school ever since.

wednesday and pugsley maiming the postman. morticia and gomez caught it in 4k before hd ever existed. once again, wednesday sits on her father's lap and she's happy.

business 101 with the addams spawns. you know it's poisoned or something among these lines.

just another lovely day.

the addamses welcoming to all supernatural beings. morticia just couldn't recognize the werewolf from just the fur. if the werewolf would've howled, then fester would recognize who it was. but all supernatural beings were welcomed on their godforsaken threshold.

fester taking wednesday and pugsley on a fishing trip. as you can see, the children had a great upbringing. their parents had the best relationship, all family members were loving, in their own way. the children had the perfect childhood. and yes, that included dynamite. if you think otherwise, grow up.

wednesday and her dollhouse which she set ablaze a few times. poor lurch had to stop the fire hazards every time. she probably got the dollhouse from krampus because screw santa.

cheating is encouraged and required. which is why wednesday would cheat her way through about anything. and once again, it seems i have made the right choice for her dc verse, in which the addamses own a casino and lbr, the house always wins because it cheats. wednesday's one hell of a co - owner.

summer days. you must scare the other children, right? that's the social norm or something. wednesday definitely filmed the moment while pugsley scared the other kids.

if another baby boy comes into the addams family one way or another, we'll know the names.

they took turns being the executioner. beheading dolls is not gender based! all kids should be allowed to behead dolls for their own sanity and happiness.

bat house. wednesday built it with gomez. the bats seem to appreciate it.

kids coming from the camp. if they were caged, then everyone would be safe on the road back home. these two rascals would commit crimes at any age and it is a good omen for them to start at a young age.

wednesday throwing a tantrum. it happens quite often. this applies into adulthood. whenever she does something benevolent accidentally she'll throw tantrums because it's not what she meant at all. have some sympathy for this devil.

another christmas tradition. pour boiling liquid contents (may or may not instantly kill the victims with the flesh disolving from their bones) on the carolers. they had it coming.

the best way to end this masterlist. that's one happily ever after wednesday loves to hear. we love some justice.

#♱ character study.#♱ headcanons.#if you want to repost just the photos feel free to do so!

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birichardswift · 2 years

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The Shade's Journal (Starman Omnibus 4)

From the Shade's Journal…

Eddy Gomez had a natural talent for the kind of dancing he performed for me that night. I suppose the closest thing to it would be an "Apache Dance" that you might see in a Parisian revue — you know, where the man wears a beret and a striped vest, the woman is dressed like a mademoiselle of the night, and with grace and agility the pair beat each other up for the amusement of patrons.

Of course, the "Apache Dance" is artifice. No one is really hurt.

In my "Apache Dance," in the washroom of Musso & Frank's on Hollywood Boulevard, things were a little more improvised. Eddy, I suppose, was playing the female role, though he was dressed in a rather spectacular lavender zoot suit instead of a split skirt and fishnet stockings. However, in the dance it's the female who appears to take the beating and Eddy was certainly taking one as he jerked and jived and pirouetted with each punch and kick he received. The "male" of the dance was all that and more, although if you'd asked him to sport a beret and striped shirt while he made his assault, he might as well have hit you as hard as he was pummeling poor Eddy. Sam Mild had a cigarette in his mouth the whole time. The nonchalance of this only added to the scene's surrealism.

Sam blew smoke from the side of his mouth. "Why won't you talk?" he asked for the twentieth time.

"I'm not a squealer," Eddy spat back, along with one of his incisors.

"Since when? Are you not the Eddy Gomez who sold his own mother to the cops for a hundred and fifty bucks?"

I smiled. Mild's joke wasn't that funny, but I thought it the polite thing to do. Then Gomez replied with a cough of blood…

"It was two hundred. And the old bitch had it coming."

...And then I realized Mild wasn't joking at all.

"Hey! What's going on in there?!" It was one of the waiters. He pounded at the locked door. His voice was shrill. "If you guys don't stop whatever it is you're doing, we'll call the cops. We got laws, you know."

"Shut up," Mild yelled in reply, giving Eddy another punch as he did so.

"We got laws!" The waiter was not to be put off. "And we got famous people who want to use the facilities. We got Sidney Greenstreet out here, and he wants in."

"Tell the fat bastard not to eat so much..."

Another punch, this one to the side of Gomez's head.

"...And he might hold out for the little boy's room longer."

A snort could be heard, which I'm guessing was Greenstreet himself, and then a thud as the waiter threw himself against the door. I presume the man was slight, as he made little effect on the door, hinge, lock, or the stream of punches that Eddy Gomez enjoyed.

"That's it, to hell with bad publicity," the waiter screamed out in his high-pitched tone, "I'm calling the cops."

"Damn." Mild kicked Eddy between the legs. "They don't mind the bad publicity but I'm paid to make sure none of it washes up outside Mr. Hughes' cabana." He dragged Gomez toward the door. "Come on, Eddy. Let's take a drive. I love the canyons at night. How about you?"

★★★★★★

We had arrived at Musso & Frank's a quarter of an hour before that. The place was full. It was a popular eatery after all, with its cozy wood-lined booths and its familiar menu of tried and true meals. Sometimes a star would drop by for a sandwich or some soup, so it was also a place where tourists visited in the hope of sighting their big-screen favorite. As we entered, I immediately saw Greenstreet in a corner booth devouring a chicken. Apart from that, it had been the usual mixture of Hollywood Boulevard flotsam.

Mild had walked through the place, pushing aside a waiter who had tried to seat him. We were looking for Eddy Gomez, and Mild fully intended that this would be the final port of call in our evening's hunt for the little fellow.

Our search had begun in a pool hall down near the Santa Monica pier. A large fellow named Gunny had told Mild and myself that a friend of a friend of a friend of his had heard "some news about Hughes" but he wasn't sure what.

From there we drove to Fairfax and a small motel where Gunny's friend of a friend of a friend was enjoying the favors of a middle-aged lady with a quite spectacular amount of hair growth on her upper lip. In fact, had the lady in question not scurried from bed to bathroom sans apparel when Mild kicked the door in on them, I might have questioned her sex more so and assumed her a man with a taste for wigs and rouge. The friend of a friend of a friend was nervous. He didn't want to get anyone in trouble. But when Mild put the fellow's genitals in the drawer of the bedside table and threatened to slam it shut on them, the friend of a friend of a friend all of a sudden didn't care how hard a rain was going to fall on the next fellow as long as his favorite little chap and he stayed together to play together.

And so we again drove through the night. It had begun to rain by now, but the car had good wipers and Mild's handling of slippery L.A. roads was assured. I sat, a passenger content.

The friend of a friend was a drummer in a fairly acceptable dance band. They were playing in a little basement club over on Los Feliz. It was a mixed crowd there. Latinos in their zoot suits. Some servicemen. Some shady white men with sallow complexions and shifty eyes.

The drummer's name was Jerry.

"Hey, man," he said in his coolest half-whisper, "you a friend of Gunny's? Gunny owes me $40."

Mild backhanded him across the cheek. "I don't care if he owes you his life. I want to know who was talking about Howard Hughes."

"I forgot."

Mild sighed. "You know, if I smashed your hands you might heal to play the drums some more. But if I held them down while my buddy drove over them with our car, buddy, you ain't never gonna be hitting the high hat again. So why don't you think a little harder and maybe your memory will come back."

I looked at Jerry's eyes. They spun like plates on the vaudeville stage.

"This man is a drug user," I said.

Mild looked more closely into his face. "Yeah, for sure. Should have noticed." He shook Jerry. "You hopped up? Wouldn't be the first jazzer I met with the habit. Still, it makes getting information out of him easy."

Mild reached into his jacket. For his gun, I thought. Or perhaps a cosh. Instead he produced four crisp twenty-dollar bills.

"Gunny owes you forty? Here's that and that again. You want it? Buys a lot of junk, that much dough. Just give me a name and you can bliss yourself silly, friend."

Jerry stared at the cash. He seemed transfixed. It was as if he were trying to put all these scattered fragments of information together in his head — money...for information....tell him information...I get money...with money I buy dope...with money...for information…

After what seemed like an eternity, Jerry opened his mouth.

"You cats know Eddy Gomez?"

★★★★★★

And so we arrived at Musso & Frank's. We found Eddy making the acquaintance of an egg salad sandwich. Mild stood Eddy up and marched him to the men's room. The questions turn into a beating. Then the waiter's high-pitched threats and his news of Greenstreet's full bladder. Out the back door, as the police arrives in the front. Into the car we had parked...and away.

Our car was parked high up on a deserted stretch of Mulholland. Mild looked out at the lights of the San Fernando Valley.

"You like the canyons?" he asked Eddy.

"I guess. I like to bring girls up here."

"So do I. Isn't that why God created them?"

"Girls?"

"No, canyons."

Sitting in the back, listening to this repartee, I suppressed a smile.

"I don't get you, Eddy," Mild said.

"I'm a simple guy. What's not to get?"

"I beat the hell out of you. Why didn't you tell me what you heard about Hughes? If you'd ask me for money, I'd have given it to you. You could have come out of this ahead."

"I got my reasons."

"You got reasons? You got reasons? I admire your guts, kid. Even if you are a sap."

"So what'cho gonna do to me now?"

"I'm going to kill you."

"Just like that."

"Just like that. I'm going to put a bullet in you and roll you off the road and down the canyonside into the brush. By the time the cops find you, you'll probably have been torn up some by the coyotes. Messy death. Gomez...that's a Mex name, right? You from South of the border?"

"I was born in San Francisco. My father worked in the vineyards."

"You're Catholic with a name like that, though. Gotta be. No open casket burial for you if the dogs chew you up."

Eddy sat in the passenger seat for a short while. He stared at the twinkling lights below him. Tears began to roll down his cheeks.

"I love this town. I'd hate to leave it."

Mild rolled his eyes. "Then why not stay? Tell me what you know, Eddy. Believe me. I will kill you and not think twice, but I don't enjoy the taking of lives and I would rather drive you back to some nice corner of town and drop you off. Hell, spill what you know and I'll even kick in a thousand bucks. Call it my apology for the beating you took earlier."

"I'm scared."

"Of what? I'm going to kill you in about a minute if you don't talk. What could you be more scared of than that?"

"My soul."

"Come again?"

"What I heard is that Mr. Hughes is being attacked by characters from a children's book, right?"

"Maybe," Mild replied blowing a perfect ring of smoke.

"Maybe nothing. Am I right?"

"Yeah."

"Word is that the guy behind the attacks is a magician. Word is he knows black magic and stuff. Word is he has an army of soulless helpers who do his bidding."

"Oh, yeah?" Mild sounded skeptical.

"He was a film director," Eddy continued, oblivious to Mild's tone. "Until recently. He used to be a big name, too. Horror movies. Stuff with Lon Chaney. Big name. Then his career went downhill. He quit in '38 or '39, about."

Mild shook Eddy's collar. "I don't want his life story, just his name."

Eddy swallowed and sighed. "The guy's name is Tod Browning," he said, and shivered a little as he did so.

★★★★★★

"So what do you know about Tod Browning?"

"Less than you, I'm sure."

This was how Sam Mild broke the silence we had enjoyed since dropping off young Eddy Gomez at the corner of Beverly and Fairfax. Mild had been true to his word and had stuffed money in the lad's pocket as he heaved him out of his car.

Eddy had turned to Mild as he stood on the sidewalk dusting himself off. "Thanks for not killing me, you bastard," he said. "But next time try not to hit me so hard, huh?"

"You better hope there isn't a next time, kid. I was feeling good tonight. Tomorrow might find me in a different mood."

"Please don't repeat what I told you about Tod Browning," Eddy said nervously.

"Oh, I'll repeat it," Mild replied. "I've got to tell my superiors. You know that." Eddy looked at Mild with fearful uneasiness. "But they don't have to know who told me," Mild continued. "So relax."

"I'm scared, man."

"Of this Browning cat?"

"Oh, yeah. Man. He's gonna be the death of you if you dig too deeply in whatever he's got going."

"Yeah, well, we all gotta die." He turned to me. "Ain't that right, Shade?"

I smiled and said nothing.

"Watch yourself, kid," Mild said as our car pulled away.

And so we drove. Along Beverly to La Brea and left up Fountain, passing through Fairfax, and then left again on La Cienega back down to Beverly. I realized Mild had driven us in and enormous square and was about to break the silence by remarking upon it, when Mild spoke first just ahead of me.

"So, what do you know about Tod Browning?"

"Less than you, I'm sure," I replied.

"He's a film director," he said. "We know that. I think...didn't he direct a horror film? Maybe. The Wolfman? Or....I dunno."

"No. And neither do I. I find all horror films tiresome and foolish and refrain from seeing them."

"Me, I got no time for films," Mild offered. "I see too much of the dirt that goes into making them. The actors and their boys on the side. The actresses whose stag films I have to locate the negatives for. Or they have the prostitution records I have to bribe free of the law to destroy. Or they've had abortions. Or there's an ex-husband kicking around who needs paying off or killing. And that's just the weak goddamn actors. Bunch of stupid kids with more money than smarts. The big guys...Mayer and Warner and Cohn and Selznick...all of them have dirty secrets too, that me or someone like me has had to sweep under the rug for them."

"The only name I recognize out of those you mention is Mayer," I said. "I hate the man."

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing. In fact, I've never even met him."

"Then what gives?"

"Through chance and happenstance I met an actor named John Gilbert. We became friends." I coughed slightly as Mild lit one of his cheap cigarettes. "Anyway," I continued, "Gilbert ran afoul of his then boss Louis B. Mayer. Mayer responded to this by driving Gilbert out of the industry. Messing with the man's voice test when the actors were all making the transition from silents to talkies. He drove poor John to an early grave."

"Yeah, I heard that too," Mild muttered. "But don't let it rile you. Stuff like that happens all the time."

"I'm afraid I've already been riled. And one day, Mayer will pay."

Mild placed a hand on my arm. "Look, the one thing I have learned about this town is it's a great leveler. Everybody who is up will one day be down. That's this place. Mayer, as powerful as he is now, will get his one day. Trust me on that."

I sighed a sigh of dissatisfaction and pondered how my revenge on Mayer might one day take shape, when Mild interrupted my thoughts.

"Anyway, I don't see Louis B. Mayer in the car with us, helping us with info on Tod Browning, so I don't want to think about him now. And neither should you, Shade. We've got us a culprit behind this crazy mess, but because we're both ignorant of things movie-like in this land of cinema, we're both of us stymied." He took a drag of his cigarette. "You thirsty?"

"I could take a drink if one was offered to me."

"I know a little after-hours place. Let's go there."

The place in question was actually quite near. A little room with a bar, above a camera store on Cherokee just south of Hollywood Boulevard. Mild parked the car in an alleyway close by and we entered through a side door, taking the creaking wooden staircase upwards to it slowly and with the solemn reverence of two who were entering a temple.

The drinking club itself had been a living quarters at some point, but the owner had seen profit in the lonely who drink when even the moon is telling them they should be home abed. Indeed, one or two men were still there talking about the world to their whiskey sours. The bar itself was cracked marble, old and warred upon, having countless skirmishes with glass and tankard to its credit. Although it was now early the following morning, Larry, the establishment's owner, a fat, happy man with a large disfiguring mole on his cheek, still stood behind the bar awaiting orders.

"What will it be, gentlemen?"

"Vodka gimlet for me. Shade?"

"Sherry," I answered.

"Not in this joint," both Mild and Larry said in unison.

"No?" I asked. "Then what about wine?"

"Got a red somewhere," Larry replied.

"I'm sure in this land of sun-warmed vineyards your red has a humble charm. A glass of that."

Mild and I took our drinks to a side table close to a young man and an older woman. Mild and I sat there in silence for a moment or two, as we sipped our drinks (the red was acceptable), and in that quiet time, I overheard the young man near us making a final negotiation with the woman before the pair of them stepped out for some kind of illicit coupling.

Then Mild called over to Larry. "Hey, Lar! You ever heard of Tod Browning?"

"Yeah. Director. He don't work much now, but didn't he direct Dracula with Lugosi?"

Mild and I looked at each other with relief. In an instant we both knew that Larry was right, and that irritation when a nagging question refuses to be answered had been eased.

"What else do you know about him?"

"You got the sum and total, brother."

"So what do we do now?" I asked.

"We grab some sleep," Mild said. "We got a name. That's a good going for one night. I'll report it to Mr. Hughes and he can use his power to locate Browning. We'll drag him somewhere deserted and I'll introduce Browning to my leather cosh and a couple of yards of rubber hose. He'll talk before long, tell us what's going on and why. We'll have the complete picture. Then we'll drive him out to the desert. Pop him in the head. And you can go back to Opal City the richer for having known me and Mr. Hughes, having actually done very little yourself in terms of solving this mystery."

My face was expressionless.

"Though I must admit to finding your company surprisingly agreeable, on this, a very disagreeable night of hurting folks," Mild said with a smile.

I smiled too.

"You don't enjoy the hurting part of the work?" I asked.

"Never hire someone for that kind of work who enjoys it. They'll go nuts on you when you need them straight. No, the hurting is just part of the job. Nothing more than that." Mild downed his drink. "Come on," he said. "I'm tired. I bet you are too."

I nodded and drained my wine. We left with a wave to Larry, who looked to be beginning to close up shop himself.

It was still night as we left Larry's bar and walked to the alley. The alley was dark. Very dark. Darker than the night and street around it suggested that it should be.

"Come on," Mild said. "The car's-"

Then he stopped. He, like I, could hear a noise. Soft at first, but growing louder. A purring. Purring. Purring. And then there was a smile. A large, toothy, feline smile, shining forth from the black of the alley like a beacon.

Mild whistled through his teeth. "You see that?"

"How could I not?"

Mild took his pistol out and fired two shots into the alley. Both passed through the smiling mouth, but the shattering of glass told us that Mild had managed to hit his car's windscreen further within the blackness. He turned to me. "Your shadow gonna be any use?"

"I doubt it. Not if your bullets aren't." I sent shards of shadows at the smile anyway. No use.

The smile then proceeded to advance from the blackness towards us, getting larger all the while. Presently from the gloom an enormous cat's head became visible. If the size of this was anything to go by, then the beast's body would be immense.

"I think we should split," Mild said.

"I concur," I replied, and we both began sprinting for Hollywood Boulevard.

It was four in the morning or thereabouts, and no one was in sight. Looking over my shoulder I could see the Cheshire Cat (for that was what it was) appear from the alley and begin its chase after us. Its body more resembled a panther's, being lithe and muscular, and indeed it was bigger than any normal animal, being ten feet high at the shoulder.

One bound covered many yards and we were but a few seconds from being pounced upon, when salvation came in the shape of a lonely yellow cab. It's "for hire" sign was down, but that didn't stop Mild, who stood in front of the oncoming car aiming his gun at the driver in order to make him stop. The driver did and we threw ourselves inside the car, as the Cheshire Cat bounded onto the spot upon which we had been standing but seconds before. The driver looked on with dismay.

"What's the matter with you?" Mild screamed. "Drive this heap!"

The driver did. Accelerating as the Cheshire Cat gave chase. Faster and faster the hack sped down the deserted 4:00 A.M. of Hollywood Boulevard. All the while the Cheshire Cat maintained its pursuit. Indeed, it seemed to be getting faster as it bounded after us.

"It's gaining!" Mild screamed. "You call yourself a driver?"

The driver glared over his shoulder at Mild and put all his weight on the gas. The car sped up and away finally, leaving the Cheshire Cat behind. With a final spiteful grin at us, from far in the distance, the Cat vanished as the first lights of dawn arose behind it, far to the East.

"What was that all about?" the driver asked. "What was that thing?"

"A special effect gone crazy," Mild replied. "Movie hijinks, you know?"

"No. I don't know. It looked pretty damn real to me."

"You wanna make some dough? I mean big dough?"

"I guess."

Mild pulled a card and wrote an address down on the back of it. "Here. Come to this address tomorrow. Tell them I sent you. You'll be well paid. You know what for?"

"No."

"You forget all about this. If you don't, I gotta kill you. Understand?"

The driver looked nervous. "Like the gospels, buddy. Me, I'm already developing amnesia."

"Smart," Mild said. "Now take us to our hotel and we'll call it a night? You got it?"

Mild settled back and glanced my way. I could see the anger in his eyes, burning like the dawn we drove away from.

"Man," he said. "When I get my hands on the Browning guy, I am gonna give him such a beating."

★★★★★★

The morning after the night of our escape from the large Cheshire Cat (yes, how delightfully benign the whole affair sounds by the light of day)...the morning after that I slept late. I am a being with little need for sleep, but I do find it such an exquisite pleasure. And I knew Mild was out there "packing a wallop" as he so succinctly put it, trying to uncover the whereabouts and activities of Tod Browning.

I never dream. But after waking with the light that shone as glints through the gaps in my curtains, I tried to go back to sleep and in that semi-slumber state imagined meeting Tod Browning. I didn't know what he looked like, so I imagined him resembling Raymond Massey (for no reason at all). I imagined us fighting (well, in truth it would be my shadow demons who'd be doing the fighting while I stood around making delightfully pithy remarks).

...So, in the haze of dreaming not, Browning brought his monsters to fight mine. Shadow Demons fought March Hare and Mock Turtle while the Queen of Hearts screamed "off with his head"...referring to mine. And then when all else failed, Browning called upon his ultimate agent of fear and death, Dracula. Here I imagined Bela Lugosi, but with a long and elegantly groomed mustache. It looked strangely at odd with the smooth, slick hair he'd given his cinematic interpretation of the character.

And that was how it was as I dozed and slept and dozed and slept, until sometime in the very late morning when a timid knock at my door aroused me.

"Come in," I said, sitting up in bed and stretching.

The door was opened by a maid, a small scared girl. She had the look of a beaten dog whose spirit had long ago been broken.

"I was sent to ask you if you'd like some breakfast?"

"Breakfast. That sounds just the thing." I smile. "Tell me my dear, what in this land of sun and oranges passes for breakfast?"

"Gee, I dunno."

"You were sent here to ask me if I wanted breakfast, yet you have no idea what breakfasts are on the menu?"

"No," she countered. "It was the way you asked. It confused me. I thought you were asking me how food here was different from other parts of America."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

"Breakfast can be anything you want, sir. You're a guest of Mr. Hughes, so the kitchen will cook you anything."

"Well, in that case I would like deviled kidneys and scrambled eggs. Toast. And tea with milk. Oh, and perhaps a glass of the fine, sweet juice of oranges that this land is known for."

"You mean orange juice?"

"I mean exactly that."

She moved to leave, then dropped, turning with a questioning expression on her face marked by a slight creasing of her forehead.

"Err...what are deviled kidneys?"

"I take it offal isn't part of the Californian breakfast cuisine," I said. "Yes, you can take the man out of his country, but you can never quite take the desire for that country's food out of the man." I thought for a moment before answering.

"Tell the cook to take, say... two kidneys. Pig's kidneys. Or one large cow's kidney and cut it into bite-size pieces. Fry them with a little pepper and some hot sauce. That's a close approximation of what I have in mind."

The maid looked stunned. "I...I've never heard of it."

"I'm English," I replied. "What can I say? If you really want to be delighted, let me tell you of a singular dish the Northerners in my country created. They call it black pudding."

"Oh, I rather you didn't, sir."

"As you wish. What's your name?"

"Mary."

"You look tired, Mary."

"I was late for work. I've missed my coffee. I have to admit I'm flagging."

"Well, go get my food and we'll discuss your fatigue when you return with it. How does that sound?"

Mary left warily. It was clear few guests before me had ever stopped to ask her name or state of being. I entered the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I then donned a silk kimono I'd acquired during an exploit in Japan, and awaited my food. But then as the moments passed, a thought came to me, and I reached for the telephone.

"Hello. Is this room service?" I asked. "I'd like to add something to my breakfast order, No, not a substitution. An addition to it, that's right. I'd like a big pot of coffee. And cream and sugar. And what goes well with coffee? Strudel? Just the thing. That, too. Oh, and I don't like to eat unattended, so the maid who you sent up earlier, Mary. I'd like her to stay with me while I eat. Yes, that's right, I am a guest of Mr. Hughes."

A while later, Mary returned.

"I ordered you coffee, Mary. We can't have a sleepy maid in the hotel, can we?"

She appeared nervous. "But I should be getting back."

"No. I asked for your company. Sit and take a break."

We sat. She seemed pensive at first, but as the coffee and strudel began to vanish, so did her concerns.

"Where do you live, Mary?"

"Los Feliz."

"So you know the Los Angeles area?"

"As good as anyone."

"Then let's take the time to talk about it. After all, we have the time. I've asked for your company for the whole time I'm eating. And I am a very slow eater."

"All tight," Mary said, shaking off the drab and tired moment by moment. She smiled and suddenly the room was all the brighter for it. "What do you want to know?"

★★★★★★

Mary, the maid, stood before me. She was naked. And not unappealing, for I can only presume it was the hard work she did which had made her body firm and shapely. A fine sight. So quickly gone.

In her place was Marguerite Ludlow. She too was naked, and as comely a sight as I have ever beheld. My breath stumbled from my lungs. My eyes became hubcaps. Marguerite. My Marguerite. She was back.

"How are you, my love?"

She said this with the familiar warm, slow curve of her mouth I knew.

"I'm fine, Marguerite. I'm surprised, but I'm fine."

"Surprised?"

"Well, you are dead, after all. I did kill you...after all."

"Did you? I don't recall."

"Wait a minute," I said. "This is a dream. This has to be a dream." Indeed, Marguerite is dead. "If you stand before me now, you are a wraith, or you are a figment."

"Dreams are their own reality," she replied. "If I am here before you, I am here...in this existence I am alive. Close your eyes and take a breath."

"A breath?"

"Smell me."

"Oh."

I did as I was bid and smelled Marguerite's perfume, lavender and rose, made by the local chemist in a town just outside of Paris where we visited often. That sweet aroma bonded with the warm natural smell of her own skin, and combined it smelled of springtime. Even in the coldest weather, around Marguerite it smelled like spring.

"I miss you," she said.

"And I you," I replied, the first frail tear forming in the corner of my eye.

"I'm sorry I tried to kill you," she said.

"And I'm sorry I succeeded," I said back.

She smiled. "What was, was. What will be, will. You shouldn't hate yourself. Do you remember the opera?"

"Which one?"

"The marriage of Figaro. You were disappointed at the end. You had so looked forward to hearing the 'Figaro chorus,' as you called it." (At which point Marguerite began to sing..."Figaro. Figaro, Figaro, Figaro"...then looked at me with a grin.) "You didn't realize that the music you wanted to hear was from the Barber of Seville."

"Yes," I said awkwardly. "Well. Two operas with characters called Figaro. Who would have guessed."

"The walk back from the opera house was wonderful. The cool night. All those stars. We found a courtyard. It was asleep...everyone in the houses around. I made you forget your disappointment in that courtyard."

I closed my eyes again. The pain of remembering those happier times before I discovered Marguerite was really one of the Ludlow clan bent upon my death...it was almost too much to bear. I who had lived so long. I who had endured so much. Yet, all I had to do was see my lost love again and I was close to destruction, my heart close to breaking. I was beyond forlorn. I took another breath of her sweet, springtime perfume…

...And almost retched upon the ground. Gone was spring in all its lavender freshness. I smelled brimstone and human waste and rotting flesh. I recall India, one summer of sickness when I had visited the Ganges. The banks of it were lined with the corpses of untouchables the Indian caste system forbids others to move. The dead stayed where they had fallen to bake and rot in the afternoon rays. The stench I smelled now was akin to the rancid odor on that day in India once. Only worse.

I opened my eyes and saw the Devil.

"Hello again," he said.

He was as naked as Marguerite had been. The sight was not as pleasing.

"When was it last," he asked. "Iceland?"

"Where's Marguerite?"

"Dead, I imagine," he said in an offhand Devil's fashion. "Yes, quite dead."

"You're telling me she was never here?"

"It's your dreams. You tell me."

"No, I suppose not. I suppose she remains as dead as when I left her. Why are you here?"

"You're my son. Of sorts. I fear for you."

"I am no one's son," I sneered back.

"Nevertheless I fear for you. I fear for you this day."

"Why?"

"People come to crossroads. Life is a series of them."

"Like the day you decided to defy your father?"

"Hmm," the Devil said, pausing to think for a moment. "I suppose that was one of those times." He looked off for a moment. "I've never been able to decide if that was one of my better choices...or one of my worst."

"It's my dream. You tell me."

"Touché. I fear for you, Shade," he said, rapidly changing the subject as if the topic of his fall from grace made him uncomfortable. "I fear this adventure you're on. A word...of advice. Beware the demon."

"The demon? Which demon?"

"That is for you to discover. My warning is the beginning and end. You must give the menace a name other than that."

"Is there nothing else you can tell me?" I asked, twitching a little as I said this, like a little boy caught doing something bad.

"Yes, I have to say..." A pause. "...We're here," the Devil said.

"We're here?"

"Yes," he said. "Look around you..."

I looked and in doing so opened my eyes. I had indeed been asleep the whole time. Now, upon waking, I saw sand and palm trees.

Mary was in the driver's seat of a small, gray Ford roadster (which actually was black, but had so many layers of dirt as to disguise this fact). She turned to me, sitting next to her as her passenger as I was.

"Look around," she said with a smile.

"Where are we?"

"Why, don't you remember?" she asked. "I had the afternoon off. I told you I was going to the beach. You asked if you could come with me. And here we are."

"Oh," I said. "Oh yes. Now I recall."

I smiled back at her and got out of the car, breathing fresh sea air that quickly cleared the lingering smell of brimstone.

"It's a beautiful afternoon," Mary said.

"Yes. Yes, it is," I replied, looking out.

The Pacific was before me. Blue and calm. I closed my eyes, said a final farewell to Marguerite who lingered still on my mind, and then stepped towards the water.

TO BE CONTINUED...

#richard swift #the shade #dc comics #starman #james robinson #*journals

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johnnydjs · 2 years

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johnny loughran ;; TASK ?? — intro task

inspired by : jonanthan loughran / added inspo ! , ron stoppable (kim possible), jason mendoza (the good place), gomez addams (the addams family), michael kelso (that 70s show), willie ( julie and the phantoms), jean rapphio sapestein (parks and rec), argyle (stranger things), crush ( finding nemo)

jonathan “johnny” loughran. joseph quinn. 3/22/1991. aries. party dj. santa cruz, ca. hetroflexible. borderline. dude where’s my car. high school. sanguine-melancholic . esfp. neutral good. none. hufflepuff. emoji. ( 😎 )

present !!

johnny is a freelancer rn he came back after a spontaneous trip and currently working a dj. he mostly works for kid birthday parties or school event bc johnny here is great with kids. that and his music taste impresses both their parents and the kids themselves.

after spending time away from elias he missed it tbh like he actually did it he found a home but ended up leaving it. he thought there was more to see and in a way ran from his feelings quite a bit. he knows for a fact hes looking for mavis trying to apologize for just up and leaving her especially after their connection . i mean she is was his zing. he hates the fact he let his own thoughts get in the way. hence why he got this urgency to come back bc yeaaaaaaaaaaah

past !!

johnny was a neglected kid growing up he dreamed of being seen and just accepted but with his family it was impossible. he was the 7th son to a family of 8. not only did he stand out as a sore thumb but constantly living in his siblings' shadow as well. that's the reason johnny wanted to go see the world maybe find a place where he could call home

thats when he stumbled upon hotel transylvania and met mavis and knows there was something about that day that just made him feel something for her and its what pushed him more to help her and run away with her.

honestly though now he kinda hates himself for leaving mavis after everything

future !!

he got to travel the world, make music and experienced love in a way so he kinda did...

id like for him to finally find the family he hardly had, one where its full of love and acceptance basically. whether itd be his own or just made up of friends.

taken connections

first zing - mavis

close friend - flynn

roommate - barley

wanted connections

best friend old flame will they, won’t they etc pls anything

heres his bio/stats, heres a lil playlist that gets me into johnny mode

#walt.intro #sorry this took so long i was getting ps blocked but its posted

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therandomestwriter · 2 months

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Because these are amusing me, and I have a lot of random music saved on my phone right now…

1. What do people assume when they first look at me?

The Next Best American Record (Lana Del Rey)

2. What will be a big challenge in life for me?

Good Thing. (JoJo)

3. Am I a good boyfriend/girlfriend?

Descansos (Hayley Williams)

4. Do I have a Secret Admirer?

Unstoppable (Red)

5. Will I ever become manically depressed in my life?

We Do This Shit (Mod Sun ft DeJ Loaf)

Haha.

6. Is someone trying to kill me?

Something Like This (Gordi)

7. What is my sexual preference?

Never Ending Nightmare (Citizen Soldier ft Kellie Quinn)

8. What am I afraid of?

If You Could Only See (Tonic)

9. What will I be doing in a few years?

Lights Down Low (MAX)

10. What is some good advice for me?

I Can’t Stop Me (Sabrina Carpenter ft Saweetie)

11. What should I do instead of this quiz?

Starry Eyed (Ellie Goulding)

12. Will you get married?

joy. (for KING & COUNTRY)

13. What is the story of your life?

The Sadness Will Never End (Bring Me The Horizon)

Well, damn.

14. How can you get ahead in life?

Lovesong (The Cure)

15. What is the best thing about your friends?

Good Vibrations (Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch)

Haha, awesome.

16. What song describes you?

Wrapped Around Your Finger (Post Malone)

17. How does the world see you?

Santa Claus is Coming to Town (Gwen Stefani)

Haha, is this because I’m so generous??

18. Will you have a happy life?

42 (Coldplay)

Ah, the meaning of life…

19. How can I make myself happy?

Pick Up the Phone (Falling in Reverse)

20. What should you do with your life?

Love’s to Blame (for KING & COUNTRY)

21. Will you ever have children?

War (Missio)

I’m at war with this decision lately.

—X—

Part Two!

1. What Do you look for in a guy?

If You Have My Voodoo Doll, Give Me a Hug (Loveless)

WOW, haha.

2. What song will be playing when you graduate?

Little Boy (Left on Laurel)

3. What song will be playing when you meet you partner?

Across the Room (Odessa ft Leon Bridges)

Awww.

4. What song will be playing when you become engaged?

Sane (Fozzy)

5. What song will be playing while you walk down the isle?

(summer sky) (Foals)

Kinda groovy.

6.What song will be at your funeral?

Cry to Me (Solomon Burke)

Aw, hahaha.

7. What song will you name your child after?

Let Me Know (Angus & Julia Stone)

8. How will you die?

4 Ever 4 Me (Demi Lovato)

9. Song that describes your weakness?

I Don’t Want to Talk (Wallows)

I know… I’m too quiet. 😅

10. Song that describes your strength?

You Won’t Remember… (Bibio)

That’s kind of sad.

11. Song that will remind you of your worst memory?

You’ll Be In My Heart (Our Last Night)

12. Song that makes you smile?

Bad Reputation (Avril Lavigne)

Yeah, that works.

13. Song that describes YOU?

Pioneers (for KING & COUNTRY ft Moriah & Courtney)

14. Song that describes your lover?

Eve (Asking Alexandria)

15. Song that describes you when you were a baby?

Yours Truly, Austin Post (Post Malone)

16. Song that describes you as a child?

Girl of 1,000 Dreams (The Pains of Being Pure at Heart)

Accurate.

17. Song that describes you as a teen?

Front Point A to Point B (Modest Mouse)

Sounds about right.

18. Song that describes you as an adult?

Wish I Stayed (Ellie Goulding)

19. Song that describes you when your old?

Dust Code (Mike Shinoda)

Ha.

20. What will your job be?

The Summer of ‘91 (… And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead)

—X—

Part Three!

1. How Are You Feeling Today?

The Parking Lot (Score from Sierra Burgess is a Loser)

2. Will I get Far In Life?

Heavenly Hosts (for KING & COUNTRY)

3. What Is my Best Friend's Theme Song?

Kiss & Tell (Selena Gomez & the Scene)

4. What is/Was High School Like?

Home (TobyMac)

5. What is The Best Thing About Me?

Jungle (X Ambassadors ft Jamie N Commons)

6. How Was Yesterday?

Perfect (Anne-Marie)

7. What is my Love Life Like?

Stay Alive (Reprise) (Hamilton Cast)

8. What will my Parents Say To me?

Homeostasis (Nostalghia)

9.What Song Will They Play On My Funeral?

Speak Life (TobyMac)

A little late for that, but maybe not…

10.How Does The World See Me?

Why Don’t I (Sofia Carson)

Aw.

11. What do My Friends Really Think Of Me?

My Bad (Khalid)

12.What is the World Keeping a Secret Of Me?

S.T.A.Y. (Hans Zimmer)

13. How Do I make Myself Happy?

The Ocean (Linnea Olsson)

14.What Should I Do With My Life?

Who Hurt You? (Daniel Caesar)

15.Will I Have Children?

The Nights (Avicii)

16. What is Good Advice?

Transitions (Mike Shinoda)

17.What does everyone Else Think Of My Current Life?

Wonderland (Taylor Swift)

18.What Type Of Men/Women Do I like?

Break Me (Babe Youth)

19.Where Will I Live?

Slide (H.E.R. Ft YG)

20.What Will My Dying Words Be?

Arms Around a Memory (Hilary Duff)

#music shuffle #quiz time #for shits and giggles #bored af

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adamwatchesmovies · 6 months

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A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish (2019)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

Sometimes people exaggerate and say that trailers give away too much, that from the clips shown, they can tell you what the entire movie will be. When talking about A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish, saying that the advertisements reveal too much is a simple fact. Showing any clips from this teleportation pod experiment gone wrong tells you everything you need to know. It’s a generic Christmas-themed rom-com mashed together with the Cinderella fairytale. You could write this plot in your sleep.

Katherine "Kat" Decker (Laura Marano) dreams of becoming a singer-songwriter. Unfortunately, her father’s recent passing has left her in the care of her evil stepmother, Deidra (Johannah Newmarch) and her stepsisters Joy (Lillian Doucet-Roche) & Grace (Chanelle Peloso). They force Kat to work at a Christmas-themed entertainment park. There, she befriends Dominic "Nick" Wintergarden (Gregg Sulkin). She has no idea he’s the son of a billionaire.

If you weren’t convinced before, this settles it. Cinderella doesn’t work in modern times. Kat has access to the internet, to a friend who is willing to help (Isabella Gomez as Isla), to a cell phone, to school counselors, to the police, etc. There is no reason she couldn't escape the enslavement she suffers under Deidra's rule. Her stepmother and stepsisters are so cartoonishly cruel they even capture Kat being mistreated on film. It would be easy to get sent away to a better home if Kat had any motivation to do so. Or maybe she's just dumb. She’s just a few months away from turning 18 and still she doesn’t understand that her stepmother hates her and that the rest of the family will do all they can to make her miserable. How else can you explain the obvious traps she walks into or her inability to keep secrets from them? I don’t want to blame the victim but at a certain point, it’s you that’s the problem, not them.

This fifth (?!) installment in the A Cinderella Story franchise dispenses away with all the magic normally associated with the fairytale. Consequently, Kat's beautiful dresses are whipped up out of nowhere while the rom-com clichés are taken to the extreme. At its core, Cinderella is about two things: a rags-to-riches story and a couple who fall in love without knowing each others’ identity. As part of the modernization package, Kat and Nick meet well ahead of the "royal ball" but for them not to know each other, neither of them ever sees each other without the costumes they wear at work. I guess you might excuse Kat for not recognizing Nick. He’s got a beard and Santa hat on. How he doesn’t recognize her, I don't know. At least Superman puts on a pair of glasses when disguised as Clark Kent. Kat wears elf ears and a hat. No one in the world wouldn’t recognize her.

Now I get to talk about the musical aspect of this picture. When people aren’t singing, you’ll be so bored you’ll wish a fairy would show up and turn you into a pumpkin just so you wouldn’t have to keep watching. Writer/director Michelle Johnston makes 15 minutes feel like ten times that many. When the music kicks in, you’ll want to be turned into a vegetable to avoid dying of embarrassment for the performers. All the numbers are obviously auto-tuned and badly lip-synched, the lyrics haven’t an ounce of creativity and the choreography makes you wonder how desperate the actors must’ve been to agree to this.

If we went in-depth with every offense this film commits, we’d be here until the stroke of midnight so let’s rapid-fire through a few: the token non-white characters who are only there so the film isn’t as white as a fresh Christmas morning; the nonsensical plan by the villains to take Kat’s place at the ball, the ridiculous final music number - complete with perfectly choreographed, spontaneous dance moves; the picture’s fixation on a snow globe that ultimately serves no purpose; Nick’s useless friends that are only there story-wise to crowbar a third act breakup between him and Kat. I know this movie’s for little girls but there are literally dozens of adaptations of Cinderella out there. You could throw a dart at a board and find a more suitable piece of entertainment. This is 86 minutes of torture. (July 2, 2021)

#A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish #movies #films #movie reviews #film reviews #Michelle Johnston #A Cinderella Story #Laura Marano #Gregg Sulkin #2019 movies #2019 films

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alovecraft · 6 months

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So!

. last night Carrot decided to zoom past me as I was bringing up the sewing machine (Jamie's aunt asked to borrow it because Jamie's cousin is a string bean of a child with very long legs, and hemming pants is the cheaper option).

. Carrot was captured via gushy food this morning about 10am. Carrot is fine.

. Will the hole in the basement wall be fixed any time soon? no. That hole is weirdly necessary and I don't have the $3-8K it's going to take to fix the machinery (hvac system) that is right there. I have duct tape, aluminum foil, and a hatred of webs. Mix this with a very short fuse and, yeah. Not happening.

. there is a giant wall crab chilling on the wall that leads to the craft room and is like right at the light switch. Yeah, no.

. I have tried four? five? of the $1 travel hot sauces I have bought recently and, well, they're mostly kind of disappointing. Honestly, the Baja Blast hot sauce was better than all of these and the habenero pepper was second to last on the ingredient list (it also tasted like Chicken Vicious, which was really bizarre).

. Wash, the kitten, has discovered the window behind the curio of Jamie's art supplies and Pokemon cards. He has spent time knocking as many books off the dresser as he possibly can.

. Wash is still a bitey little bastard. We have had him a grand total of 34 days.

. The temptation to post the random snippets of fic writing I have, edits be damned, is great. Still probably not going to do it.

. I've realized I need to re-write my list of "I wanna make!" costumes because A) I want a Gomez Addams suit, and 2) I saw the most gloriously hideous suit online and am sad it is not in my size. It's like right up there with the need to have my own Postmaster General suit.

. No birb in the basement! But, there's a birb in the backroom at work again (big shock there)

. Ordered new protien powder, not email stating to add an extra week for shipping. Makes sense. Holidays are shit .

. Have been encouraged to find my super ugly santa hat that I made grossly tacky years ago. Coworker has begged me to wear it to work and hell if I know where it is. All I remember is that there's a plastic fish on it and I think it had a string of lights at one point.

. Have been posting a christmas song every day onto fb. My goal is to make it to the 21st. Tomorrow will be "the 12 days of fur-mas" because "FIIIIVE Dick Shaped Things!" will never not be funny.

#pc post #life update #still trying to get used to this tiny keyboard

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alltoowsll · 1 year

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it really is!! what’s your fav lyric from it? it really is more heartbreaking i’m sorry u can relate to it :(

YES omg also my fav colour is green! loving both red the colour and the album is so true of you tbh

oh my gosh i’m so sorry are you doing okay? i hope this week brings you some joy after a tough time. there’s no rush to reply it’s okay! i’m doing alright :)

your question for today! who are some other artists you’re into besides taylor? ☺️

-santa swiftie xx

OH MY GOD I HAVE PLENTY OF FAVOURITE LYRICS FROM IT!!! Like:

And I was never good at tellin' jokes, but the punch line goes “I'll get older, but your lovers stay my age"

You said if we had been closer in age, maybe it would've been fine and that made me want to die

Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone but you keep my old scarf from that very first week ‘cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me you can't get rid of it ‘cause you remember it all too well

YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR IS GREEN? Hmm I know some people here whose favourite colour is green, like there’s a few mutuals here I know 🤔🤨🤨🤨

suspicious 🤨 (jk)

well yeah! Thanks for asking. I’ve been kinda spending my time on cooking and cleaning, trying to not think about the trauma and it’s worked! and thank you so much 🥰 I’m glad you’re okay and I do really wish you have a wonderful week too!!!

mmm probably like dua lipa (I listen to her music a lot), Selena gomez, lady gaga 🤔🤔 what about you?

#swiftie secret santa #love letters #nice people #answered

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regkerlon · 2 years

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Mermaid hand mirror

Assona Iniguez de Navarre Musa ibn Fortun 0717 Fortun ibn Qasi 0725 Aisha bint Abdul 0690 Cassius Abd-al- Aziz ibn Musa ~0695 Egilon de Visigoths 0660 - 0718 Musa Ben Nuseir 58 58 Conqueror of Spaindied in prison in DamascusNote: Al-Walid ibn Abd al-Malik, Caliph of Damascus (705-715), fearing Musa's military success and popularity, recalled Musa to Damascus, where Musa died in prison three years later. In some places, De Castro appears to have this Diego Lainez confused with the brother of his ancestor Fernan Lainez, who bears the same name. Mugawwan ibn Nahur Nahur ibn Yarub Yarub ibn Yashjub Yashjub ibn Nabet Nabet ibn Ishmael Amra Sasaa 0575 Alkama al- Kinaniyya 0602 Mu'Awiya Ben-Al- Mughira ~0820 - 0908 Fortun Garces 88 /1060 - 1115 Jimena Diaz ~0815 Aria Munia 0772 - 0816 Sancho de Gascony 44 44 ~0775 de Aragon ~0681 Loup de Gascony ~0734 Numabela de Cantabria ~0750 - ~0839 Aznar Galindez 89 89 Loup ibn Musa Ayab al- Bulatya Musa ibn Musa Father of "El Cid". Rodrigo Diaz "El Cid" de Vivar, leading the army of Al-Mutamin of Zaragoza, defeats a combined army of the kings of Valencia (Al-Mundhir), Lerida (Al-Hayib), Aragon (Sancho Ramirez) and the Count of Barcelona (Berenguer Ramon II - who is captured).1084The Muslim army of Zaragoza under El Cid defeats the Aragonese. Rodrigo Diaz, defeats the Emir Abd Allah of Granada, who was helped by the Castilian Count Garcia Ordonez.1082Battle of Almenar (Menendez, 1934). Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar manages to encourage both King and army, and leads them in a new attack the following morning.1079Battle of Cabra. The battle starts at dawn and after a hard fight the Castilians are driven from the field. Sancho II of Castile defeats his brother, Alfonso VI of Leon over the Carrion River (9 miles south of the city of Santa maria de Carrion - the capital of the Beni-Gomez - Christian counts of Saldana, Liebana, Carrion, and Zamora). The Castilians under Sancho II and Rodriego Diaz defeat the Leonese and Alfonso flees.1072Battle of Golpejera (early Jan) (Menendez, 1934). The siege is lifted after Emir Al-Muqtadir pays a large ransom and promises tribute.1068The Battle of Llantada was arranged to be fought on 19 July by the banks of the Pisuerga River on the boundary between Leon and Castile (Menendez, 1934). The opposing armies meet and after a protracted struggle Ramiro I is killed and the Aragonese flee (8 May).1067The Castilian army under Sancho II and the Alferez Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar - already known as "El Cid" by this time - besiege Zaragoza (Menendez, 1934). Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar (later known as "El Cid") is probably in the Castilian contingent. The Emir Al-Muktadir of Zaragoza leads his army north accompanied by a Castilian contingent under Prince Sancho (the future Sancho II). During the spring Ramiro I of Aragon besieges Muslim Graus in Zaragozan territory. After taking Valencia in 1094, he passed into legend as "El Cid", interestingly an Arabic title, Sid, "lord, master."1063Battle of Graus (Menendez, 1934). Rodrigo came to fall out of favor and in 1081 became a mercenary, fighting for both Christians and Moslems. Udad ibn Mugawwan 1049 - 1099 Rodrigo Diez de Vivar 50 50 When Alfonso, deposed by his brother, Sancho II of Castile, returned to power in Castile as well Leon, he took on many of Sancho's retainers, including one Rodrigo Diaz (d. "Beyond `Adnan none but the Lord knows and thegenealogists lie". ABT 2643 BC Sekhemkhet (3rd Dynasty - abt 2649-43 BC) ~1020 Sancho Fortun de Maranon sn de Maranon ABT 0610/0620 - >0716 Theodo von Bayern ~0602 Gleisnod b? Salzburg, Austria ~0002 Ilyas ibn Mudar Abt 0002 BC/0010 AD Layla bani Khindif Codhaite 0031 BC Mudar ibn Nizar 0040 BC Al- Hanfa al Riyab Nizar ibn Ma'add Ma'add ibn Adnan Adnan ibn Udad Note: Muhammad the Prophet never traced his ancestors farther than`Adnan, anddeclared that all who went back further were guilty offabrication andfalsehood. ABT 2637 BC Khaba # NSFX: (3rd Dynasty - abt 2643-37 BC) D. ? Raqashi al- Naqimiya Bakr 0335 Murra ibn Ka'b Hind 0305 Kab ibn Luayy ~0320 Makhshiya Lu'ayy ibn Ghalib ~0280 Mawiya Ghalib ibn Fihr ABT 0225/0240 Atika Salma binte-Umro- bin-Rabia ~1010 - 1054 Garcia Sanchez 44 44 King of Pamplona ~0215 Fihr ibn Malik ~0215 Layla 17622 bint Adwan 0948 Foucher de Chartres Qays al-Nadr ibn Kinama Ikrisha bint Adwan ~0662 - 0725 Tassilo von Bayern 63 63 ~0930 Hughes de Chartres D. see for information on how tocorrectly configure a web server for svg files. PLEASE NOTE: If you do not see a GRAPHIC IMAGE of a family tree here but are seeing this textinstead then it is most probably because the web server is not correctly configured to serve svgpages correctly.

#Mermaid hand mirror

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brandstifter-sys · 3 years

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November 1st

@dukexietyweek Day 8 - Holidays

Word Count: 1452 (Ao3)

Pairing: Dukexiety

Characters: Remus, Virgil, Patton

Rating: T

Warnings: Innuendo, mild religion mention, nudity mention

Halloween is over and Virgil is not looking forward to the Christmas overload. Fortunately his crush has just the gift to give him, even if it's early

---

November 1st was always a sad day for Virgil. Not only was his favorite holiday over, but the Christmas season was getting revved up at an alarming rate. He didn't want the snow or the forced family interactions. He didn't want to make cookies or sing carols or pretend that there was no religious significance to any of it.

Virgil sat on the staircase and stared in silence as his landlord, Patton, skipped about the front room, swapping out his usual knick-knack frogs for snowmen and Santa Clauses. All of the orange, purple, and black curtains and pillows were already put away and swapped for red, green, and gold.

He got up and made his way down to the first floor, dressed in his uniform to sell the same kind of decorations and seasonal junk that Patton loved.

"Hey there kiddo!" Patton greeted him, "Have a good day at work!" He didn't seem to notice that Virgil was forcing himself to keep from frowning.

"It's retail, Pat, I'm aiming for just okay,"

"Well if you have time, can you tear apart the clearance section for me? I'll pay you back or take it off your rent."

"Yeah, I can do that, Pat, I'll see you later."

"Bye! Oh and my cousins are coming back tonight—they know to stay out of your room."

"Alright, Pat, I gotta go," Virgil said with a wave and left. He was not going to have a good day and it would only be worse with Roman and Remus around—two handsome men who needed constant attention like them meant no time to breathe, and no chance for his heart rate to drop.

Virgil got home from work with the weight of the world on his back. It was far too early to start with the Christmas stuff, but there were plenty of people who disagreed. At least he could get to the clearance area and buy the remains of his treasured holiday for Patton, mostly—there was a travel mug covered in spiderwebs he got for himself.

He placed the bags for Patton on the couch before heading straight to the shower. He needed that reprieve, especially when he saw the twins' car in the driveway. Patton wasn't home so they would latch onto him if he wasn't careful.

"Hey Virgey!" Remus greeted him as he rushed past his room, only for Virgil to lock himself in the bathroom and turn on the water. Remus shrugged and used the opportunity to strike.

Virgil didn't always take that long to shower, but he was sad and tired and his back hurt. It just felt too good under that warm stream. But even the nicest showers had to end, so he reluctantly got out, dried, and wrapped a towel around his waist.

But when he closed the door to his room and turned on the lights, his jaw dropped with his towel. His curtains had fake webs all over them and strings of purple and orange lights crisscrossed the ceiling. There were bats and skeleton stickies on the walls, and a rug covered in fake blood. But the Halloween decorations weren't the only things—a trashy little imp was lounging on his bed in a flowing black dress with a present next to him.

"Well hello there!" Remus grinned and wiggled his fingers, "I wasn't expecting to see this much of you, but I'm not complaining!" Virgil yelped and covered his nethers.

"What are you doing in my room?!"

"I thought I'd freshen up the place before I give you your present! I already got my present!" Remus grinned. Virgil rolled his eyes and inched toward his dresser, not ready to give Remus a look at the other side.

"Christmas isn't for like two months. Neither is my birthday," he said as he pulled out a pair of pajama pants.

"Yeah, but it's only one month til Chanukah, but I think you might want this before then!—And no it's not boxers before you ask!" Remus replied and eyed Virgil as he sacrificed his cover to put on those pants.

"That would give you a reason to complain," Virgil scoffed and pulled out a tee shirt. He didn't look at Remus while he put on deodorant and put his shirt on.

"I mean, if I had a shot at getting in your pants, it would!" Remus laughed, "You're so immune to my charm it doesn't matter!"

"Remus," Virgil sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. He was not at all immune to this man's charm, far from it. He was supportive and fun, charming and sweet, macabre and handsome—like a grimy Gomez Addams. Virgil wanted to be on the receiving end of his affections, but Remus was out of his league.

"Open your present, Scare Bear!" Remus said loudly and shoved the box into his hands. Since it didn't have any leaks and it didn't stink, Virgil reluctantly took off the bow and pulled the lid off the box. He looked inside and gasped.

"Yeah, I didn't think you had one and I know Pat wouldn't think of it, so I thought you might like one that's a little more stylized," Remus said and rubbed his neck sheepishly.

"Remus," Virgil said as he pulled the gift from the box. It was a nine-candle menorah with skull-shaped candle holders and spider web supports on either side. There was also a package of purple candles in the box but Virgil was too awestruck to pay them any mind.

"Is it too sacrelig?" Remus asked, as if he didn't wear inverted crosses and pentagrams with rams' heads all the time.

"I'm not orthodox about it, and my brother has one shaped like a t-rex, so for me, no it's not. I'm just—where did you get this?"

"I made it! I thought you should have one that matches your style! Do you like it?" Remus said and bit his lip. He really wanted to give Virgil something he would love with all the love he wouldn't ever want to give Remus.

"You made this? Remus this is incredible! No one ever thought to give me anything for Chanukah—no goyim at least—let alone make it themself!" Virgil gasped and reverently placed the gift back in the box. He set it on the nightstand and let out a shuddering breath. He was not about to cry in front of Remus.

"Virgil," Remus said and leaned forward, gently grabbing his shoulder, "Are you okay?"

"I'm constantly surrounded by Christianity, and the obnoxious Christmas stuff is going on at work—and you gave me a custom menorah. I'm so happy I could kiss you right now!"

"You can if you want to stoop that low, I won't stop you!" Remus giggled. Virgil pouted and glanced back at Remus.

"Stoop that low? Me? You'd be the one downgrading. You're thoughtful and sweet and fun, you could do so much better than me."

"Nah, you forget that I am a macabre bastard with impulsive tendencies and a knack for causing trouble! You're one of the most patient people I know—you listen to me and you get me. I would kill to be your boyfriend! You're witty and chill and hot and you're hu—"

"Shut up a sec," Virgil cut him off, "You want that? To be my boyfriend?"

"Yep!" Remus beamed, only to let his smile falter. He was not ready to face rejection.

"Then scoot over," Virgil said and flopped on his side, "I'm tired and you're on teddy bear duty."

"Teddy bear duty?" Remus asked dumbly and got up. Virgil awkwardly forced his sheets and blanket down from under him and huffed.

"Spooning, duh. I'm exhausted and I want to cuddle my boyfriend."

"Can I switch out of this dress? It didn't seduce you and it's not comfy," Remus asked.

"Yeah, but you lose your boyfriend status if you don't come back," Virgil huffed and closed his eyes. He swore he heard Remus squealing all the way to his room.

Not even five minutes later, Remus burst in wearing sweats and a tee shirt. He turned off the lights and crawled into bed next to Virgil, who looked like he was asleep.

"I guess you're stuck with me til morning," Remus giggled and kissed his nose. Virgil grunted and grabbed him, placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

"Work on your aim, Pup," he grumbled and pulled Remus to his chest. Remus giggled and curled up to him, looking up at his face as he drifted off.

"Happy Halloween 2: When Remus is your beau," he whispered, only to hear snoring coming from the emo. He closed his eyes and let Virgil's warmth lull him into dreamland as well.

#remus sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #dukexiety #patton sanders #jewish!virgil #nudity mention tw #sex mention tw #dukexietyweek2021 #sandyscribed

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infinitelytheheartexpands · 3 years

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Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST—

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode?

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home:

All hail Incitatus the king

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts

oh god is that hamilton

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway)

Me internally vs externally

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance”

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

#opera #opera tag #results #screencaps #captions #caption #caption this #caption contest #this seems to have gone over well and I am Pleased

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