#i actually had i think a whole ass plot for the sequel in my brain now that i think about it but i didn't write it down lol

[annyankers]

watch this be all i have for magpies in the morning 2 for another like 2-3 years.

[twilightofthesandwiches]

Okay, so I just found out that I can watch the whole 2015 stage production of ‘Shock Treatment’ on YouTube and, like, I have… so many thoughts and feelings. It really does demonstrate how Shock Treatment’s biggest flaws is just how unfocused and messy and… just needing one or two more rewrites to reach it's full potential. 

Like there are a few tweaks to the dialogue that makes the whole narrative a bit simpler and easier to comprehend, the satire is a bit more focused on the core themes, I thought most of the jokes were pretty solid (and the more sexual ones offer somewhat of a stronger thematic link to ‘Rocky Horror’) and now there’s actually Shock Treatment in the plot of Shock Treatment!

I do really like how they tweaked the lyrics of some of the song to smooth over some of the remnant ‘these were written for a very different RHPS sequel and re-fitted into this plot’ weirdness. I especially like ‘I they need some young blood’ and the change to the title line in ‘Looking for Trade Fame’ and ‘Look what I you/he did to my Id” (meaning Farley). Sometimes ya just need to change just one lil' pronoun and the whole-ass song makes a lot more sense. 

But the biggest positive change this Stage Version brought is the cast. Because ‘Shock Treatment’ the movie just has way too many characters. Like, look at this compared to RHPS’ cast list.

While this is maybe a natural result of the setting shift from an isolated castle to a whole town, it also leaves a lot of the secondary cast feeling flat and with no real space to develop. Comparing both of Little Nell’s roles is probably the best example. Nurse Ansalong is fun and Nell's performance is great as usual, but she’s just kinda around to be a RHPS nod and so Little Nell has Something to Do in this movie and an excuse to run around in a sexy nurse’s outfit. And these are all noble goals but… well, Columbia was an actual character, as campy as RHPS is, she was a character with emotions and pathos and tragedy and an important narrative and thematic role. Ansalong just never had the time to develop into someone with even a tenth of that depth.

(It also makes ‘Shock Treatment’ waaaay harder to Shadow Cast.)

So the stage version just cutting her out and… basically cutting everyone out except for Brad, Janet, Farley, the two Dr. McKinleys, Betty and Ralph just gives a much better chance for all of these characters to feel like actual people. Campy, exaggerated cartoony people - but definitely people. 

Like, we get to spend a little more time on making the manipulation of Janet into a superstar feel more gradual and convincing. Which both help her work better as… basically the Emotional cornerstone of the whole story and make the villains feel more despicable and more competent. Which of course really helps the two Dr. McKinleys since all of Farley’s other minions have been cut. In general they get more opportunity to say funny stuff and can really see how they use their faux psychology and therapyspeak to control people. 

....There's some level where I maybe think this script went a little too far in the other direction. That it's kinda disappointing that this Janet didn't never quite go off the deep end like her movie counterpart did. In general this version's slightly more.... grounded vibe - compared to the Movie's kinda Surrealist Nightmare Vibe - is one of the things I feel most conflicted about.

Like on one hand, this kinda campy nonsense world where gameshow hosts committing husbands to mental asylums and living your whole life on a sound-stage are normal is one of the most compelling parts of 'Shock Treatments' satire and it's kind of a shame to lose it... but also this more grounded tone creates a story that it's easier to follow an, more importantly, emotional stakes it's easier to get invested in. I think the Ideal Perfect Version of Shock Treatment’ that Exists Only in My Brain would be, tone-wise, in the middle between the movie and the stage show, but also maybe lean more towards the stage version?

The added details that Brad and Janet’s marriage has been hitting a rough patch because Brad has been fired from his job just as Janet has gotten a promotion (which I think is a detail from "The Brad and Janet Show" draft that was dropped from the 'Shock Treatment' movie?) adds some thematic resonance about the characters dealing with the Changing Times, the idea that Brad might feel emasculated with Janet’s success while has been (temporarily) regulated to the role of a househusband is maybe understandable but it is also understandable why it would frustrate Janet and thus lives her open to the McKinley's manipulations. Again, the characters are still kinda campy, still kinda silly - but having a bit of grounding for Brad and Janet’s relationship does help when this is basically… all the emotional stakes in the story.

Now, in the Ideal Perfect Version of Shock Treatment’ that Exists Only in My Brain, the rift in Brad and Janet relationship would’ve been created by the lingering effects of the events in the Frankenstein's Place. Janet would rather pretend they never happened but Brad is still visibly reeling from that time he got forced-femmed by aliens. And although the events of ‘Rocky Horror' did definitely happen in this version, it’s mentioned as just a throwaway joke (“We’ve been through so much together! Infidelity, homicide, aliens, fishnet stockings… and that’s just the engagement party”). Still, it was a funny throwaway joke - and the promotion-and-firing idea they went with makes thematic sense in this version of ‘Shock Treatment’. 

Farley Flavors also get a bit of a ‘boost’ from the trimmed cast but… honestly the changes to his character are the ones I am most split about. Because this version of Farley Flavors is generally better because there’s a bit more… flavor to him. A more visibly wacky personality, a few more gimmicks to him. And when I first saw him I was actually… pretty hyped about him as the main villain.

Because, okay, the main problem with Farley as a villain is that, despite Cliff De Young’s excellent performance, he really is just another Evil 80’s Businessman and that feels a bit bland in the wacky world of Rocky Horror. Like, the whole ‘long-lost twin brother’ twist is supposed to feel like the counterpart to the Alien Twist in RHPS and a parody of stupid soap opera twists in general. But… the thing is that even before we found out he was an alien, Frank was already an incredibly distinctive and unique character. Being revealed as an alien in the last act of the story doesn’t define him.

But since Farley doesn’t have as much going for his character, the stupid parody long-lost brother twist does end up being his defining trait and it makes his whole character feel lackluster because… it’s a stupid parody twist! 

But since Twenty-Fifteen Farley is Fairly Far-Fetched right from the get-go this means the twist has more of a chance to feel more like the original Aliens Twist. Plus, there’s bits of dialogue here and there that feel like Foreshadowing. Farley constantly reiterates that Denton is his hometown, and that he’s a self-made man (which connects to the briefly-alluded-to implication that he was adopted into a poorer family than Brad’s and that's the source of his resentment), him saying some very Ominous Things to Bard at the end of ‘Lullaby’

And then…. It turns out this version decided to cut the long-lost twin thing!

Which… honestly I probably should’ve seen coming from the casting choices. 

And like, I see the logic here. Obviously the double-casting gimmick does not work on stage, that was supposed to be a parody of soap-opera twists and that element is a lot more downplayed in this version of ‘Shock Treatment’ and like… since this plot point has been already been heavily criticized in the film version I can see why they would want to cut it. 

But… it’s not just that I feel like this twist would’ve worked better in this version it’s also that… cutting this plot point and replacing it with nothing just makes Brad - who is already kinda relegated into glorified McGuffin for most of this story - feel like he had even less to do with the plot and makes Farley’s apparent animosity for Brad even more inexplicable and shoddy.

Like, Farley still says he chose Janet ‘because of [Brad]’ so I guess we’re supposed to believe that he just finds Brad to be such a massive lameo that it makes him seethe with a burning hatred of a thousand suns. Which is an even flimsier motivation than that Twin Stuff in the movie. 

‘Duel Duet’ always has that problem that it was originally written for two characters with a very powerful well-established rivalry and emotional stakes (Dr. Frank N’ Furter and Riff-Raff) and then had to be transplanted into being about these two schmucks who barely even know each other. And removing the Twin Twist just kinda removes whatever emotional stakes they did have and exacerbates the problem. 

.....Honestly, I think the main way to really ‘fix’ Duel Duet is… instead of that one kinda ‘Girl Power’ moment they tried to give Janet that I feel is a bit too heavy-handed and obvious…

Just make ‘Duel Duet’ a Farley versus Janet song!

Like, Janet is unquestionably THE Main Character of the story with the most important emotional journey of all of the characters, she was the core target of Farley’s manipulation and the focus of his schemes, she’s the one who actually got to interact with him and developed any sort of relationship with him, the focus of this scene is on how Janet realizing she has been used by him, she already spends all of Duel Duet physically kicking his ass…

Janet should also be the one to musically face-off against Farley, especially if you remove the only reason why Farley has to hate Brad so much. Like, yeah, she does get to beat him physically... but because this is a musical - the Songs are the thing that gets the biggest emotional and narrative priority. The person who gets to Duel Duet with the Farley is the person who really beats him. And this is really moment that should belong to Janet in this version of the story.

And maybe removing one of the few Things Brad actually gets to do in this plot which is also his Big Musical Number would kinda suck for him, but… well, this version also gives Brad a nice lil’ Triumphant Reprise of ‘In My Own Way’ where he reaffirms his love for Janet and maybe you can expand that into his Big Musical Number and… y’know, if the rift in their marriage was at least kinda about Brad’s insecurities about Janet becoming the Main Breadwinner of the household… Maybe it’ll be a good resolution to his story to embrace being Janet’s little Damsel in Distress?

(I mean, I think this is an element in this musical as it is but.... but you could've leaned into it more!)

And with both Oliver Wright and Macy Struthers cut, that gives more material to make Betty’s character more interesting. Without Oliver, Betty generally gets to talk about her ongoing investigation with Janet - and that means the two of them get to have more interactions and a more visible friendship. And on the other hand, She starts out as Ralph Hapshatt’s cohost, putting on a very Macy-esque false smile and pretending they’re still happily married. It’s a fun, character-specific spin on the whole ‘falsehood of television’ motif of ‘Shock Treatment’. 

(Also since Oliver is cut, it means Betty, Janet and Brad sing “Anyhow, Anyhow” as a trio. Which… I think that means they’re gonna have a threesome. And you know what? I support Janet Majors and her two girlfriends!)

And Ralph… really got the biggest boost in personality from the trimming of the cast - especially as most of the singing roles of these cut characters for assigned to him. Like, okay, I think something that’s kind of a problem with the ending of the original ‘Shock Treatment’ is how… unambiguous it is when compared to ‘Rocky Horror’. 

Because ‘Rocky Horror’ has a very morally ambiguous cast - pretty much every character has some element that makes them at least a little bit sympathetic and also… well, if not morally wrong than at least an (Audience Participation Voice) ASSHOLE (but also yeah, a lot of them are morally reprehensible even when working against other morally reprehensible characters). And the ending leaves it ambiguous whatever Frank got what he deserves or whatever his death is a tragedy, or some combinations of the two. Not to mention the ambiguity of what happened to Brad and Janet; whatever they’ve been liberated or exploited or corrupted and whatever or not they’re better off being left behind on earth or remaining in Frank’s clutches.

And meanwhile ‘Shock Treatment’  has a VERY clear-cut ending. There is a unambiguous differentiation between the characters who are the Good Guys, and those who are Bad Guys and those who are the Bad Guys’ Gullible Victims. And, like, yeah, all the Bad Guys succeeded in their evil scheme and and are now basically literally rolling in cash

…but literally any character who has any redeeming qualities gets to happily escape this Nightmare Studio while singing a cheery song about sex. 

Even Oscar Drill and the Bits, who are quite literally Bit Characters and have very little characterization or connection to our Main Foursome, get to escape. Basically just because what little we got from them made them seem like a nice group of young gays and they never did anything bad. 

And all of the people who stayed behind were portrayed as such exaggerated cartoonish bigoted caricatures literally rushing in excitement to get themselves exploited. Nor do we get any moment for our protagonists to show any sort of concern or regret or sadness about these people who they've known all of their lives. So it’s really hard to care about them as, like, Real People who've been duped into being ground down by this awful machine of capitalism and conformism. 

I understand the idea that having a wider cast makes Denton feel more like a Town compared to the isolated feeling of the Frankenstein’s Place, and that seeing all of these people fall for Farley’s bullshit in their own slightly-different ways help drives home how prevalent and influential and powerful this capitalist proudly-selfish image-obsessed philosophy really is. But… none of these characters get enough time to develop into anything but shallow parodies of Society. There’s just not enough humanity in them to sell even an ounce of the tragedy of Columbia and Rocky's deaths. 

So condensing all of these slightly-different characters into Ralph Hapshatt… that really made him the most complicated and morally-ambiguous character in this whole musical. Because, yeah, he is a self-obsessed sexist asshole driven primarily by a desire for fame and fortune but…

We spend enough time with him to humanize him. To see how he’s struggling with internalized homophobia and how he does have his doubts about what Farley and Co. are doing to his best friends even if his thirst for fame keep winning the moral battle and that said thirst for fame is pretty obviously born from a desperate need for love and validation that this homophobic corporate world just can’t give him.

So when the show ends with him being happily strapped unto to the Shock Treatment device he illegally modified with his own two hands because he just can’t allow himself to refuse a chance to star on TV - on some level this is karma, but it’s also a grim reminder that even if our threesome of heroes are happy and free, this exploitative entertainment machine also 'just got to keep going', just got to keep grinding down other people in the name of mental health, the American family and quality entertainment. 

And although we’ve technically scaled down from a whole town to just one guy, this feels so much more tragic because as selfish as Ralph is, and as silly and intentionally-ridiculous as the writing is sometimes, he still feels so much like a person. 

[justmybookthots]

Clockwork Angel & Clockwork Prince

I am low-key crying.

I should not have ranked my top 30 books of this year so early. But how was I supposed to know that I would love new books in the last week of December? I am literally 3 days away from 2024.

I mean, I knew all along that the Infernal Devices was Cassandra Clare's magnum opus, and I had high expectations of it. Even so, I was convinced I was currently in a reading slump and I wasn't keen on picking this up while in this state. But finally one night I pushed past the prologue to the first chapter and that was it. I got fucking hooked. Colour me shocked because I thought that nothing could take me out of my slump but something about the writing/plot in this book was SO interesting. The beginning where Tessa gets taken by the Dark Sisters and everything it led to had me in a vice. 

I finished the first book in one sitting. Lmao. That night, I finished all 900 pages on my e-reader and I was like: Jesus. Was I ever really in a slump, or were the books I was reading before just not doing it for me? Because I've been reading Two Twisted Crowns (am about 30-40% in?) and I didn't find any fault in the plot, but I couldn't understand why I couldn't focus. 

I need to make one thing straight, though, about this series: I loved it not for the reasons people loved it. I know people laud this series for Will Herondale. I… do not care about Will Herondale. The boy I care about is Jem Carstairs.

It's crazy because I'd read the Infernal Devices before as a teen and while I'd liked Jem more than Will even then, I never really gravitated much to either hero. But this time, I'm obsessed. Absolutely obsessed. He had me kicking my feet and squealing. He was so sweet compared to Will. Some of my favourite parts about him:

Will, Tessa thought, would have been angry if she’d said that to him, but Jem just looked at her intently (We stan a kind, patient and emotionally mature man)

“And you’ve never asked him (William) why?” “If he wanted me to know, he’d tell me,” Jem said. “You asked why I think he tolerates me better than other people. I’d imagine it’s precisely because I’ve never asked him why.” He smiled at her, wryly.

And sooooooo many more scenes of him that I loved in the sequel:

(JEM YOU CAN FOOL TESSA BUT YOU CAN'T FOOL MY CHINESE ASS)

And then later: 

He is such a gentleman, I AM CRYING.

Also, I told myself I would take my time to read the 2nd book because I didn't want to finish it so fast, but idiot that I am, I finished it again (almost) over one night. IT IS INSANE TO THINK I WAS IN A BOOK RUT AND NOW I HAVE TO ACTUALLY STOP MYSELF FROM READING TOO FAST.

Man, I feel so jealous of people who are able to easily enjoy most of their books the way I did this. I rarely enjoy books so much because I am so, so, so picky. And the WEIRDEST part? Ever since I finished Crooked Kingdom and the Stolen Heir (which are my favourites this year), the only books for the rest of 2023 that have made me feel a fraction of this engagement are by Cassandra Clare. I don't understand it. I never liked Cassie as a teen. Why am I enjoying her stuff so much now?

THAT SAID, I don't want to touch the last book in the Infernal Devices right now. T_T This is the angstiest book in the whole series, especially when it comes to Jem. I know his illness took a turn for the worse and he was presumed to have died at the end (though he didn't) but I can't. I can't bear to watch him suffer. I can't bear to watch his engagement with Tessa nose-dive. 

I know this is nothing like my normal reviews because I'm just gushing about Jem and not about the rest of the book (which was GREAT. Do not get me wrong. I loved Charlotte, Henry and Sophie). But my brain is not screwed on straight right now and I… have no words. Nonetheless, I will try to get my thoughts in order. Just some mild complaints:

I think that Jessamine could have had a better arc than what she got. Given her backstory and the trauma she endured as a child, I had hopes for her besides playing the "unlikeable antagonist". Right now, as of the end of Book 2, that is still her primary role in the story. 

I may love Jem and Tessa, but I need to say that the romance for EVERYONE was not very well-done. I found that both Will and Jem developed feelings for Tessa really early, and VERY STRONG ones, and I'm still confused how that even transpired. This was the same problem I had with the Mortal Instruments, but I had assumed it would have been better for this trilogy since it's Cassie's best work. Alas, the same issue occurred.

The twist about who the Magister was was a liiiiiiitle underwhelming. I was hoping for more.

I don't like or dislike Will. I do not care.

Am a little surprised that the ending of the 2nd book was pretty anticlimactic action-wise. The climax was really just about the romance, which… is interesting. 

This is as much cogency as I'm giving this review. I need to recover from this series, thank you. 😣 While I'm too lazy to try to figure out how it fits in the top 30 (which will need adjusting), the books belong there for SURE.

- 29 Dec 2023

[mors-et-virginem]

I was ranting about how if I had a dollar for every time a male nerd expressed shock that I was into the same nerdy things they were because I am just above the parameters of ��female nerd” attractiveness, I could remake the Star Wars sequel trilogy. But my snide hot take is not the point here. It’s really more a bullet point list of remake ideas which I will add to in the future as further thoughts occur.

First things first:

I would make the tinfoil about Jar Jar Binks being a Sith Lord canon. This is not up for debate.

Introducing the concept onscreen of the Grey Jedi/Prime Jedi-Ben and Rey are still a dyad in the force though. Through their dyad they are grey.

Rey is not a god damned Palpatine. The SWU must continue and I really loved the idea of her not having some laurel wreathed lineage. So that’s scrubbed.

Rose Tico deserved better than to be a half assed plot point/romantic interest/one liner in episodes 2&3. Honestly I’d have loved to see her take out a dreadnought in revenge for her sister. Or, ya know, included in the mission. Maybe linking up with Zori Bliss to do some Star destroyer damage. Finn? That’s her friend. Not boyfriend. (Obviously I ship Finn and Poe).

Bendemption stays. And he’s not fucking abandoned and ignored by the Jedi in his hour of need.

Obviously that whole convoluted off world mcguffin quest to find the master code breaker with Finn and Rose is O U T. We don’t need an elaborate set and baseless filler to explain Rose Tico’s back story or make us dislike the first order even more.

Reylo? Oh yeah, that ship, it’s sailing. Alexa play Orinoco Flow by Enya. And Rey wouldn’t be rendered to a monosyllabic angry one dimensional Mary Sue in the last film. She’d actually be able to say “I need you and your two dumb brain cells to pay attention, this is WHY I turned you down. Also I’m a feral desert scavenger who’s never been in a relationship before or known love wtf did you think my reaction would be?”

Snoke would have a fucking backstory and save the prop department a few grand in episode 9. Hux still gets taken out, but preferably by the Knights Of Ren (WHO ALSO DESERVE A BACKSTORY) at Ben’s command. He’s a busy guy okay?

More Maz Kanata. Mentoring Rey, chasing after Chewie. She has serious memaw nurture vibes and I’m here for it.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

After that gorgeous sequel rant, would you be willing to share your thoughts on reylo?

Ugh.

Once again, that is the most succinct, easiest, answer I can supply. But it's so short, and that just won't do.

I mentioned in a recent post that Dramione comes in a myriad of disguises. Every fandom usually has at least one Dramione ship, you can usually guess which characters the ship will consist of, and while you might not be able to articulate exactly what about it makes it so damn similar to Dramione you will recognize it on sight.

Usually, to me, a Dramione ship features a strong, independent, female lead who may be varying levels of sexually empowered, varying levels of intelligent (Hermione loves to tell us how smart she is but it's not the heart of the ship), is strong, courageous, and noble who depending on the story du jour might slide into depravity.  The real give away is her love interest, always a man, usually a young man of comparable age, who has the bad boy appeal that's not too bad boy where he often is redeemed to the good side for 'reasons' in the course of the story.

Reylo is such a Dramione pairing.

You don't believe me? Look at the authors who write it, I haven't done this too often myself, but I guarantee you that a not small majority of them will either write Draco/Hermione or will have it all over their favorites and bookmarks. It's the same damn pairing.

But worse.

Because Kylo-Ren and Rey aren't really characters.

"Whoa, hold up!", you say, "That's just slander and uncalled for!" Well, change my mind. Rey Palpatine and Kylo-Ren are a series of character tropes and archetypes thrown to us by Disney screaming "LOVE MY CHARACTERS".

Rey is our noble, very Luke like, hero who is a scrappy desert rat with overwhelming mystical powers only acknowledged when the movies feel like acknowledging them (guys, admit Rey kicked Kylo-Ren's ass every time they fought with 0 training, come on, it's not hard).

However, there is nothing underneath her surface. Her hero worship of the resistance feels dull and given to her because it's expected. Of course Rey likes the resistance! The resistance is great! Sign her up! Rey has been living in the desert at the edge of nowhere for presumably 15 years, I'm shocked she's even heard of the new republic let alone the resistance. Despite essentially starving and only having a home that's a broken down old fighter, Rey saves a random droid. We're not really given a compelling reason of why she would do this, that she has a deep respect for droids/is horrified by their use, really really really hates the random trader she sells things to, or really really really hates the empire (if she even realizes it's them behind the bounty). She does it just so that a) the plot keeps moving b) to show Rey is... noble... I guess?

Remember that even Luke (who I have some problems with as a character) started his journey with more backstory and personality than this. Luke loved the empire and desperately wanted to become a pilot. He was very put out that his aunt and uncle kept saying, "Uh, no, bad idea." Luke was ready to skip town and sign on up for flight academy, he just got distracted by pretty women, er, his sister.

So, Rey is never given a compelling reason to do any of the things she does in the series. Just vague feelings of hero worship. And, of course, the drama over her parents. Just... I feel like Disney took out a hat, put a bunch of pieces of paper with words on them, and drew out the one that said "orphan angst about parents" and said "See, now she's conflicted! What a character!"

So yeah, Rey is your cardboard generic hero who is so generic she's not even a person. She has no hopes, no dreams, no fears, just these vague things we're told as an audience she cares about but never shown in any legitimate manner. Rey likes the resistance and rando droids, Rey imprints on Han Solo as the father she never had, Rey has this thing about her parents, Rey is attracted to Kylo Ren.

And that last one, oh boy that last one. It sold me less on the attraction to Kylo Ren than... oh... I don't know... Palpatine's secret Sith planet of doom. I mean, we all saw it coming, The Last Jedi it was very clear where that was going and then Abrams went for it even harder. But what we had was a series of skype conversations where Rey went from "Gr, you killed my pseudo father!" and Kylo-Ren responding, "Yeah, well he was my real father AND HE WAS SO MEAN" to "Oh Ben, I will fly to you through space and we shall save the galaxy together!"

I am given no reason to believe Rey's change of heart. Han Solo's death just suddenly... doesn't really mean much to her anymore (the man was murdered by his son in cold blood so that his son could feel better about himself). She believes Ben Solo is good now because Luke is a dick (never mind that, no matter what a dick Luke is, Ben Solo still murdered dozens of children and then went on to gleefully massacre his way through the galaxy). We're told there's a Force Dyad, which is um... not this thing the writer's made up because they were too lazy to convince me that Kylo-Ren and Rey would end up together in any organic way.

So, yeah, why does Rey like Kylo-Ren? Because the Force told her too? Because it was somehow all Snoke's fault in a way that's never properly described? (Indeed despite us spending quite a bit of time on Kylo-Ren's decision to remain Kylo-Ren being a very internalized thing) Because we saw him shirtless in yoga pants this one time?

It's bad when that last is actually the most legitimate reason I can think of out of the whole lot.

Now let's go to Kylo-Ren. If Rey is boring and nonsensical then Kylo-Ren is a dumpster fire and non-sensical. The guy reminds me a lot of Commodus from the film "Gladiator", the man is cowardly, vile, and murders his father in despair that his father never will be capable of loving him/passes him over for the throne. Kylo-Ren's murder of Han Solo is extremely similar to the murder of Marcus Aurelius in "Gladiator". Han Solo is a flawed father, trying to make his peace with his son, who approaches him unarmed and Kylo-Ren decides to murder him in order to solidify his place in the dark side.

Only, the films never acknowledge that every action Kylo-Ren takes is horrifying.

We're told "oh, Kylo-Ren exists because evil Snoke corrupted him" but also shown repeatedly that Kylo-Ren chooses the darkest path again and again and again. He "struggles with the light" but I don't see it. His opening scene, he has massacred a village and is torturing a man for information (this is presumably a daily routine for him). In the same film he later tortures Rey for information. He serves on a Death Star which wipes out billions in an instant. He murders his father to feel good about himself. He dresses as a man who was reviled and feared throughout the galaxy, a man who murdered countless children, and a man who dressed the way he did because he was barely hanging onto life, because Kylo-Ren thinks it makes him look like a badass. Think about it, this is like if a fully abled Kylo-Ren is wheeling around in a wheel chair, perfectly capable of walking, because he thinks that Professor X is so cool. Now, replace Professor X with Hitler, this is what the movies gave us.

Yet, the films seem to take it for granted that Kylo-Ren is a redeemable character. He's just lost and misguided, he's really struggling with the light and dark side! They don't just tell us this over and over again (which they do) but also just assume we know it.

And base the entire Reylo pairing off of it. Reylo believed Kylo-Ren could be redeemed, they battle Snoke together, then Kylo-Ren stabs her in the back and continues the assault on the Resistance and asks her to be his Dark Queen (TM). Reylo is shocked and appalled, I'm just wondering what movie she thought she was watching, because that was coming a mile away.

Later, when Kylo-Ren is redeemed, we're never given a reason why it happens. Leia just gives him a nagging, one word, phone call and then Han Solo shows up to go, "Ben, are you going to do the right thing?" and Ben goes, "Mumble, grumble, fine" because there's only an hour left in the last film.

Kylo-Ren, like Rey, is the writers' desperate attempt to create a compelling anti-hero with all the anti-hero sauce we love. They just won't admit they made an overgrown genocidal toddler.

Wow, this turned into why I hate both Rey and Kylo Ren, but, uh, back to the ship. Basically, the films give me 0 reason to ever believe it, and even if I wanted to, even if I said "Alright brain, let's make these characters real people for once", I still wouldn't like it. Because the ship itself is just as flat as the characters. It's spicy but not too spicy bad boy gets together with strong female lead.

I know a lot of people enjoy this, and I won't say it's any less legitimate than any of the weirdness I ship, but I'm not one of them. And the whole thing just makes me go "ugh".

[veliseraptor]

So this is in NO WAY PRESSURING, get to this whenever you're bored and have nothing better to do, but I (have still not watched The Untamed) would love to hear any disorganized rambles around your fic 'Punitive Measures', like your thoughts while writing it, how you view Xue Yang's fight/flight/freeze instinct, and/or where you would take the plot if you ever came back to it (again, not pressuring, I'm not asking for a sequel, I'm asking for director's commentary. Also I know the mysterious flute was implying Wei Wuxian, I know that much and not much more.) It's a really fun, quick fic that I enjoy reading through while I keep circling around your longer, more intimidating stories. I aspire to write like you.

oh boy, well, I don't know that I ever have nothing to do but here I am answering this ask anyway, because I like talking about my fic even if I get self-conscious about it.

this entire fic falls solidly into the genre of fic I write that is legitimately just “I’m gonna fuck up this character I love because it’ll be fun and I love to do that” and then just kinda...went for it. actually harder than I was initially planning! my vague sense of what I was going to do with this fic didn’t have Xue Yang down an eye at the end of it.

but when inspiration strikes, what’s a girl to do, etc.

I actually thought recently about writing a sequel to this fic (or, well, continuing into the AU it started, more like) because the concept of Wei Wuxian and Xue Yang being bloodthirsty vengeance brethren is a very good one for me, personally, and at the point their paths would be intersecting in this AU a more plausible one than it would be at pretty much any other time (I would argue, at least in CQLverse). And that’s where I think this would be going. Because Xue Yang would see Wei Wuxian, in his bloodiest frame of mind, powered up with a gorgeous flute of bad vibes and go “fuck yes” even if he wasn’t in a place where he really needed the help.

The question I had was whether Wei Wuxian would be interested in accepting company, and I feel like Xue Yang on that front could be convincing. And the way that the latter would both enable and egg on all the former’s darkest fantasies and impulses...I’m just saying, Wen Chao and everyone he has ever known is in for a very bad time, possibly even worse than they already were.

I invite you to picture in this AU the part where Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji find not just darker and edgier Wei Wuxian at the end of their scavenger hunt but darker and edgier Wei Wuxian with a friend. A familiar friend! Now down an eye and practically picking his teeth with Wen Chao’s finger bones. :D

since you asked for disorganized rambling I went back to reread and I’ll give you some director’s commentary on a few things

And he’d kind of hoped Wen Ruohan would be too busy figuring out how to deal with his brewing war to dedicate much attention to looking for one absent retainer. And even if he did, Xue Yang had sort of figured that finding him would fall to Wen Chao, who’d probably struggle to find his own ass with two hands.

kicking off this director’s commentary with Xue Yang’s brutal assessment of the competency of Wen Chao.

tbh one of my favorite things about CQL’s involving Xue Yang in the whole Sunshot storyline, despite the merry hell it plays with timeline stuff later, is how obviously little regard Xue Yang has for the Wens, even when they’re at the height of their power. He shows Wen Ruohan himself very little respect, and I can’t imagine anyone else getting more (except maybe Wen Qing, because Wen Qing is competent and if nothing else Xue Yang can respect competency).

and he just like. ditches them. walks out! promises to deliver very powerful magical artifact, and then gets what he wants and is like “smell ya later, peace” and they never catch him.

that’s just a kind of gutsiness and casual disregard for very powerful people that I really both love and respect about Xue Yang. and also that he has in common with Xiao Xingchen, tbh. and Song Lan (though him I think to a slightly lesser degree, partly because he has a little more tact and sense of societal norms as something relevant to be thinking about)! they can all vibe on that.

They took Jiangzai. Well. One of the Wen disciples took Jiangzai in the stomach and Xue Yang didn’t get it back.

this isn’t an important line or anything. I just like it a lot.

Wen Chao gestured again and he went down in a hail of fists and feet. Xue Yang tucked his chin down to protect his throat, curled his hands into his chest, and drew up his knees to guard his stomach.

He knew how this worked. Sure, it’d been a while since someone had beat him like this, but the lessons stuck. It was almost boring, really. If Wen Chao was going to play torture games then he could at least do Xue Yang the favor of trying to be creative.

He checked out the part of his brain that registered pain as anything other than a thing that was happening and focused instead on opportunities. Weaknesses in his assailants. Escape routes. Getting away would be the first thing. Nice if he could take a piece of Wen Chao with him on the way out - arm, or maybe even a head - but the priority was freedom and survival.

okay, this I feel like cuts into some of what you were talking about regarding Xue Yang’s fight/flight instinct, and also a lot of what if, I was feeling pretentious, I feel like this fic is digging into on a level under “what if I just tortured Xue Yang a whole bunch,” which is something about the relationship Xue Yang has to (a) pain and (b) his own body. Specifically, the relative indifference he has toward both. Or...not indifference, exactly, because it’s not like he’s enjoying himself, it still hurts. It’s just...expected.

unremarkable.

which is a lot of what I was trying to convey with Xue Yang’s narration during the whole torture sequence, with the commentary on methodology and how things are mundane or boring, because the suffering itself is mundane! as far as Xue Yang is concerned that’s exactly what suffering is! other peoples’, for sure, which is part of why it doesn’t matter, but also his own.

the world hurts and that’s just how it is and you learn how to cope with that. pain as...a thing that [is] happening.

I also, since you mentioned the fight/flight instinct, think a lot about how Xue Yang is, while he’s very proud and very stubborn, absolutely not someone to pick fights (in general) that he knows he can’t win. Xue Yang will almost always be on the side of “run and come back another day” over “stand and fight when all is lost.” survival, first and foremost.

which feeds into the weird paradox that I kind of hint toward at the end of this fic about Xue Yang as someone who has a definite death drive, who is profoundly obsessed with his own death in a lot of ways, and simultaneously is attached to staying alive above pretty much all else.

“Snap and snarl all you want,” he said. “You’re not going anywhere. And the only part of you I need intact is your tongue, so you can tell me where you hid the Yin Metal you promised. Everything else is optional.”

A prickle of fear rolled down Xue Yang’s spine and he flicked it away, baring his teeth.

I actually do think that, even before they get around to hand-specific trauma, permanent mutilation is one of those things that still scares Xue Yang. which is a short list! there isn’t much that actually either gets to or scares him, but I think the prospect of (further) mutilation does, because I think Xue Yang is very...acutely aware of the fact that his physical capability is a major factor in what has kept him alive and what, in all likelihood, is going to keep him alive moving forward. anything that threatens that capability, that limits him in terms of strength or mobility or otherwise has a disabling effect, is consequently going to be a short road to death, and Xue Yang would much rather die painfully fighting than die as a consequence of not being able to take care of himself.

for Xue Yang, the idea of a return to the kind of helplessness that is tied to his trauma is one of the worst possible prospects to contemplate. in my head this is exacerbated further by the fact that I figure Xue Yang didn’t get much if any medical care post hand incident, meaning that the recovery period was absolutely nightmarish and a whole stretch of time beyond the event itself where Xue Yang was struggling to survive because he’d been damaged.

in some ways I think that period of time probably did more to shape Xue Yang than the moment itself.

Wen Chao grabbed one of the branding irons from a disciple’s belt and pressed it to his stomach. That hurt. More. He clamped his back teeth together so he didn’t make any sound, absorbed the burn, owned it. His. You only hurt if you were alive. And anything you survived made you stronger.

Not that this was actually going to make him stronger. It was probably just going to make him dead. But then again, the worse this went the more resentment he’d have built up. He could use that. Would.

Dead didn’t have to mean finished.

obviously this is pulled almost direct from what Wei Wuxian himself says to Wen Chao. deliberate echoes based on character parallels! we love those.

and yeah, again here about Xue Yang and his relationship to pain, but in a less mundane way this time where it’s about pain as a tool, pain as something he can use. which is another thing about coping, I think - when pain and suffering are a regular part of your life, one way to deal with that can be to convert it into having some kind of purpose or benefit.

which in this case it definitely can. Xue Yang is definitely someone who, I think, has thought a lot about trying to arrange it so he becomes a ghost after he dies. or at least has thought a lot about what he’d do after dying to the person who killed him. 

and when you’re a necromancer by trade death really isn’t the end of the line anymore, just the start of a something new. Xue Yang’s relationship to life itself: about as jacked up as his relationships in general.

He felt the snap of bone in his teeth. Pain shooting up the side of his hand, all the way to his wrist, and Xue Yang couldn’t keep himself still enough not to try to wrench himself away. He swallowed his scream and turned it into a laugh. It was funny, wasn’t it? Funny, that he was back here, again. It wasn’t as bad, though. He knew how to take pain, how to breathe it in, make it part of himself, later turn it outwards magnified tenfold. They were old friends. Practically lovers. 

two things here:

1. the thread throughout this fic of Xue Yang making things funny so he can deal with them, here brought to you by reliving trauma! because it’s funny! right? laugh about it! just fucking hilarious.

I have a thing about characters basically deciding for themselves to make very unfunny situations funny because it makes them less awful.

2. and look, now he can deal with it better this time! he’s Learned. :) :) :)

Everything splintered. Splintered like bones under a wheel, and first thing he tried to struggle to get away but that just hurt worse and then old old old instincts kicked in and he went still, limp, dead.

“Did he faint?”

Someone nudged him with their foot. One part of him roared to grab that foot and rip it off along with the leg it was attached to. Immediately the same thing that’d made him play dead told him to wait.

at an end point where fighting is impossible and running is also impossible, the only thing left to do is play dead and wait it out. this is very much, in my head, a reversion to a tactic Xue Yang hasn’t used in a very long time and does not want to be using now, because it is absolutely the recourse of the extraordinarily helpless with no way out.

which he has been! and is now, but he really really really doesn’t want to be. Xue Yang has built his life around not being that, ever again.

but here it’s not a move he makes planning to turn it around the way he does, not at first. he gets there, but when he first does it I think it is literally just instinct that goes enough is enough and shuts down.

Wen Chao, Wen Chao, Xue Yang thought. My body’s going to give out before I do.

someone should remind me at some point maybe (or not) to write something coherent about my Xue Yang vs. his own body thoughts. specifically the way that, while Xue Yang is very physical and very grounded, I think he has a somewhat antagonistic relationship with his own body, actually. not completely! he definitely respects what it can do for him! but I think he also treats it a little as a slightly separate entity that’s capable of betraying him rather than as a fully integrated part of himself.

not always! but it’s a little bit there. this idea that sometimes his body, and its capacity to be hurt or damaged, is a weakness that he’d like to be able to forgo entirely, if only it wouldn’t mean losing all the good things about having a body. and that’s present here in this line, for me, where he thinks about himself and his body as slightly separate, and his body as something weaker than its Xue Yang core.

[biomic]

well i've now watched all the child's play movies (minus the remake because lol), clearly one of my finer achievements. here are my thots

child's play - didn't actually rewatch this one just bc i've seen it multiple times in the past and the major plot beats are still fresh in my mind. it's a classic, we know this

child's play 2 - was kinda blown away by how much i was nostalgic over this one. i've never thought of it as an iconic movie of my youth, i don't even know if i saw it more than once or twice, but i was remembering every scene super clearly. super fun movie to revisit, anchored by andy and kyle's genuinely sweet bond and brad dourif getting to chuck it up from the start. the final showdown in the toy factory? utterly iconic in the genuine sense of the word

child's play 3 - this movie was so aggressively nothing. apparently they rushed this whole production out in under a year and god does it show. it tries to differentiate itself by being set at a military school but those tropes bore me to tears. chucky's settled into more of a comedic character, but the story's still playing itself serious, so his one-liners just come off as corny and lame rather than campy fun. and my GOD do the kills suck complete ass in this one. half of them are chucky killing people indirectly, like replacing paint guns with real bullets. that'd be a scary idea if this were a normal military movie, but it's not the kind of the thing that keeps me on the edge of my seat in a killer doll flick. it's just a very uninspired sequel, the only one in the franchise i'd call stale

bride of chucky - MASTERPIECE. the screamification of late 90s horror did this one a lot of good, and jennifer tilly as tiffany is the best thing to happen to this franchise. i wasn't even annoyed by katherine heigl in this movie! a feat i thought impossible in a post-grey's anatomy world. it's definitely my favorite of the bunch, seeing chucky and tiffany bounce off each other as the world's most dysfunctional homicidal couple is just way too fun

seed of chucky - they literally named this movie Chucky's Cum. so this wasn't as bad as i was expecting, but i can't really say it's Good either. a big sticking point for a lot of fans is the portrayal of glen/da's genderfluidity, and while i get why people felt it was in bad taste, i wasn't personally bothered by it. i mean, for a gross-out horror comedy about killer dolls from 2004, certain parts felt almost progressive in a weird way. i dunno, depends on how much you can line up with this movie's wavelength i guess. still, i could've done without a lot of the piss gags and chucky jerking off. this movie's saving grace? jennifer tilly playing herself acting alongside tiffany as a doll. i was losing my shit the entire time they interacted, huge brained shit truly

curse of chucky - if bride is how to do a revamp, this is how to go back to basics. this was the first chucky movie i had never seen before (most of the other ones i caught on tv 15ish years ago), and damn was it refreshing. going back to a more suspenseful horror tone where chucky doesn't talk for the first half of the movie was a huge risk, but it really paid off. im not scared of dolls, but the redesign they gave him genuinely hits just the right level of uncanny valley to freak me out for the first time in the entire series. don mancini's skill as a director got a huge upgrade from last time, and the end result is a really cool gothic horror movie featuring chucky. loved it. nica pierce best final girl 2k13

cult of chucky - THEY MADE CHUCKY A HOT WOMAN :( this film is absolutely fucking BONKERS and i completely dug it. i was a bit hesitant about the movie being set in a psychiatric hospital, but aside from a few dodgy portrayals i think they managed to mostly avoid the whole "ooooh aren't mentally ill people ~scary~" deal. this one for sure had the gnarliest kills in the whole series, im not that affected by gore in horror movies but i was wincing and looking away multiple times in this one. by the time you get to the multiple chuckies and nica getting possessed, you can just tell they were having a blast making this one, and it's infectious

when i started going through these i didn't know how i'd feel about them, i just wanted to be caught up for the show, but the experience has been pleasantly surprising. with don mancini having creative control over every film since its inception, there's a level of consistency here that can't be said for, i don't know, whatever the hell texas chainsaw's been trying to do since the original. but he's also not afraid to experiment and try out new things, so the series is able to maintain its identity without getting stale. this was a great time, and im super excited for the show now!

[davidmann95]

How about those JL storyboards?

In case you haven’t heard, Zack Snyder is putting on display the ‘storyboards’ - i.e. a rough plot summary accompanied by some Jim Lee sketches - for what would have been Justice League 2 and 3, or as this puts it 2 and ‘2A’. You can see them here (I imagine better-quality versions will soon be released), and read a transcript here. This is evidently a very early version: this was apparently pitched prior to the release of BvS and Justice League being rewritten in the wake of it, with numerous plot details that now don’t line up with what we know about the Snyder Cut, plus it outright mentions it builds on the originally planned versions of the Batman and Flash movies. But it’s a broad outline of what was gonna go down, and while I initially thought it was Snyder throwing in the towel, the timing - paired with the ambiguity left by the necessity for changes, including that this doesn’t factor whatever that “massive cliffhanger” at the end of the Cut is - says to me he’s hoping this’ll be a force multiplier behind efforts to will sequel/s into existence. He’s probably right.

I’ll be discussing spoilers below, but in short: with this Zack Snyder has finally lived up to Alan Moore, in that like Twilight of the Superheroes I wouldn’t believe this was real as opposed to a shockingly on-point parody if not for direct, irrefutable evidence.

Doing some rapid-fire bullet points for this baby to kick us off:

* Folks who know the subject say a lot of this is a yet further continuation of Snyder doing Arthuriana fanfic with the League reskinned over those major players, and I’ll take their word for it.

* I don’t know whether I love or hate that in Justice League 2 the Justice League are only an extant thing for the first scene, and then it’s Snyder giving everybody their own mini-movies. It’s compressing the entire MCU “loosely interconnected solo stories leading to a single big movie later” strategy into a single movie!

*  Funniest line in the whole thing: "Even Lantern has heard of the Kryptonian, worried that he's under the control of Darkseid. He heard his spirit was unbreakable." Hal what fuckin' Superman movie did YOU watch? Second funniest being “IT WILL GIVE HIM POWER OVER ALL LIVING LIFE”

* 90% of the plot I have nothing to say about, it’s generic stage-setting crap. That to be clear is the ‘shocked it’s Snyder’ element, it feels so crassly commercial in a way I can’t believe is coming from the BvS guy.

* Most of what I have to say is unsurprisingly gonna be about a handful of characters but Cyborg’s happy ending being “he isn’t visibly disabled anymore!” is not great!

* The Goddess of War battle with Superman...never pays off? No clue why it’s there.

* What I’d originally heard was that the Codex in Superman’s blood was the last key to the Anti-Life Equation and that’s why Darkseid was coming to Earth. It’s not like all of this wouldn’t have already been averted by Kal-El’s pod smacking into an asteroid on the way to Earth so it’s not as if this makes it any more Superman’s fault, and it would have at least tied all this back to the beginning of the movies, but I suppose that was either fake or from a later draft.

* I have NO idea how this was reimagined without the ‘love triangle’, it’s the central character thing and the entire climax flows directly out of it!

* Darkseid’s kinda a chump in this, huh

Anonymous said: So: Does Zack Snyder hate Superman?

Look: the hilarity of this when Cuck Kent has been a go-to Snyder cult insult towards ‘inferior’ takes on Superman for years cannot be understated, yet at the same time I can almost wrap my brain around where Snyder’s coming from with that as the end for his take on the character. He talked in that Variety piece on how his interest in Superman is informed by having adopted children himself, and Deborah Snyder is the stepmother to his kids by previous relationships, so I can see where he’d be coming from, and I can even imagine how he’d see this as ‘rhyming’ in the sense of “the series begins with Kal-El being adopted by Earth, it ends with him adopting a child of Earth!” In the same way as MARTHA, I can envision how he would put these pieces together in his head thematically without registering or caring what the end result would actually look like. In this case, Superman raising the kid of the man who beat the shit out of him who Batman had with Clark’s wife, who earlier told Bruce she was staying with Clark because he ‘needed her’, suggesting if inadvertently that this really honest to god was a “she’s only staying with Superman out of pity, she really loved Batman more” thing.

But Clark is nothing in this. He’s sad and existential because of coming back from the dead I guess, then he’s corrupted, then time’s undone and he woo-rah rallies the collective armies of the world (interesting angle for the ‘anti-military/anti-establishment’ Superman he’s talked up as) as his big heroic moment in the finale, and then he stops being sad because he’s adopting a kid. So his big much-ballyhooed, extremely necessary five-movie character arc towards truly becoming Superman was:

Sad weird kid -> sad weird kid learns he’s an alien, is still weird and sad, maybe he shouldn’t save people because things could go really wrong? -> his dad is so convinced it could go wrong he lets himself die -> ????? -> Clark is saving people anyway -> learns his origin, gets an inspiring speech about being a bridge between worlds and a costume -> becomes superman (not Superman, that’s later) to save the world, albeit a very property-damagey version, rejects his heritage he just learned about and space dad’s bridge idea -> folks hate him being superman and that sucks though at least he’s got a girlfriend now -> things go so wrong he considers not being superman but his ghost dad reminds him shit always goes wrong so he should be good anyway, which sorta feels like it contradicts his previous advice -> immediate renewed goodness is out the window as he’s blackmailed into having to try and kill a dude but the dude happens to coincidentally have some things in common so they don’t kill each other after all -> big monster now but superman keeps supermaning at it because he loves his girlfriend and he dies -> he’s brought back, wears black which apparently means now he likes Krypton again? -> he has work friends now but he’s still sad because he was dead -> evil now! -> wait nevermind time travel -> rallies the troops -> his wife’s having a kid so he’s not sad anymore -> Superman! Who gives way to more Batman.

Do I think Zack Snyder is lying when he says he likes Superman? No. I think he sincerely finds much of the basic conceits and imagery engaging. But I don’t think he meaningfully gives shit about Clark as a character, just a vessel for Big Iconic Beats he wants to hit. Whereas while for instance he’s critical of Batman as an idea (at least up to a point), he’s much more passionately, directly enamored with him as a presence and personality. So while Superman may be the character whose ostensible myth cycle or arc or however it’s spun might be propelling a lot of events here, it’s a distant appreciation - of course the other guy takes over and subsumes him into his own narrative. Of course Batman is the savior, the past and the future (though if he’s supposed to be Batman’s kid raised by Superman there’s no excuse for him not to be Nightwing), the tragic martyr to our potential. Admittedly the implication here is also that Batman can apparently only REALLY with his whole heart be willing to sacrifice his life to save an innocent, for that matter apparently his great love, once said innocent is a receptacle for his Bat-brood, but he and Clark are both already irredeemable pieces of shit by the end of BvS so it’s not like this even registers by comparison.

Anonymous said: That “plan” Snyder had was utter dogshit. Picture proof that DC & WB hate Superman. Also I love how you’re like Jor-El: Every single idealistic take you had about Snyder, his fandom, and BvS was wrong. Snyder’s an edgy hack, his fanbase just wants to jerk off to their edgy self-insert Batgod as he screams FUCK while mowing people down with machine guns, and the idea that BvS said Superman was better than Bats was completely wrong. You know what comes next SuperMann: Either you die or I do.

In the final analysis, beyond that mother of god is there sure no conceivable excuse for the treatment of Lois in this? The temptation is to join that anon and say as I originally tweeted that these were “built entirely to disabuse every single redemptive reading of the previous work and any notion of these movies as nuanced, artistic, self-reflective, or meaningful”.

...

...

...yeah, okay, that’s mostly right. Zack Snyder’s vision really was the vision of an edgelord idiot with bad ideas who was never going to build up to anything that would reframe it all as a sensible whole. He’s a sincere edgelord genuinely trying really hard with his bad ideas who put some of them together quite cleverly! But they’re fucking bad and the endgame was never anything more than ramping up into smashing the action figures together as big as he could, the political overtones and moral sketchiness of BvS while trying to say something in that movie reverberated through the grand scheme of his pentalogy in no way beyond giving his boys a big sad pit to rise out of so when they kicked ass later it’d rule harder, and all the gods among men questions and horror and trappings were only that: trappings. Apparently he’s really pleasant and well-meaning in person, but at his core his art as embodied in a couple weeks in his 4-hour R-rated Justice League movie meant to be seen in black-and-white all comes down to that time he yelled at someone on Twitter that he couldn’t appreciate Snyder’s work because it’s for grown-ups. He made half-clever, occasionally exciting shit cape movies for a bunch of corny pseudo-intellectual douchebags, folks latching onto and justifying blockbusters that at least acknowledge how horrifying the world is right now even if the superheroes are basically useless in the face of it if not outright part of the problem until a convenient alien invasion shows up to justify them, and a handful of non-asshole smart people who vibe with it but...well. ‘Suckered’ is a harsh word, and definitely doesn’t apply to all of them re: what they’ve gotten out of it up to this point and would (somehow) get out of this. But it doesn’t apply to none of them, either.

[thejudgingtrash]

can we pleeeease talk about how rushed the whole Nico and Will relationship was? They talked for 2 minutes, don't see each other forever and boom they're together. Like ??? When did that happen? Certainly not in the books? (okay I haven't read the books in ages, but it felt so forced and extremely rushed or is it just me? I'm queer myself so I'm all for LGBTQ+ representation, but that's not it)

Alright let’s tackle this! Sorry for answering so late, I always answer asks that will be longer super late ^^ anyway. I’ve sorta received this ask twice but the other one has more focused on Nico with a little bit Solangelo on the side so I’ll just fully tackle the Solangelo side on this one.

I have three simple issues with Solangelo.

Age

Substance

Fandom

Alright. Let’s start off with the first point or problem. Age. Or rather time. As in timeline. Because we all know that Rick Riordan basically spins a wheel whenever it comes to his timeline and I won’t go fully into the maths because I’m terrible at it and I’m not in the mood for embarrassing myself in that metier. Anyway, let’s proceed. My question is: what is their canonical age? The one from Will and the one from Nico?

I’ve caught glimpse in a group convo at the fact that Will was supposed to be 18 actually if you pay close attention to pjo? And I mean Nico is like 15 or something? Which is also sorta wrong? Because Riordan made him younger than Hazel who was 14 in the Herpes of Olympus saga. 14 and 18 is a fuck no from me, son. I guess Riordan forgot that HOO essentially took place in two days or something.

Riordan aging his characters down or rather refusing to let them age (looking at you, Percy and Annabeth!) because it doesn't convenience him isn’t something new. So, should they be mathematically speaking have that much of an age gap, yeah. That is problematic. That’s Frazel level kinda problematic. Even worse. I know that people are more inclined to look past age gaps in same-sex relationships but I always wondered why? There’s still a disproportionate level of maturity + a mighty power imbalance. So yeah. Watch out for that. Also they’re kids. So there’s no need in tying the knot and popping expensive champagne for their wedding just yet.

I mean I don’t have a problem with the time traveling aspect as in Nico still being mentally and physically a kid/teen. A little odd, sure. It’s not like Nico and Will are Edward and Bella and Nico’s goth ass is mentally aging along and stalking Will’s sorry self. It’s still weird because it’s so unbelievable? Nico is barely struggling finding his way into the modern world, chills at Hades and calls it a day? Now that’s something I have an issue with. I need more struggle. I need more vocab mix-ups. Nico’s brain exploding at the modern world. The difference between the 1940s and the late 2000s is massive. That isn’t just oh, weird little haircuts and why are women wearing pants, it would be not being able to comprehend things and questioning every new little object. Will could’ve been an amazing support character for such an arch, buuuut I’m deviating from my actual point. The timeline/age-line in the Riordanverse is for sure more on the concerning part for all new characters + OG side characters.

Second point. Substance. The thing you’ve touched in your ask.

How and when did Nico and Will become a thing? My memory is terrible and I’m too lazy to browse the wiki. The only thing I remember was Will being a nagging bitch in Blood of Olympus after Nico essentially said “I've got to move on and be who I am, I just don't belong here, I hope you understand, we might find a place in this world someday, but at least for now... I gotta go my own way...” to Percy who just went ??? That marked the beginning for this ship. Basically. I think. Well... I said before in my Percabeth ship roast (more like ship analysis, I have to redo that, that was way too mild and unfunny, omfg): most of the romance is in your head because there’s barely anything romantic in Riordan’s books to begin with (which we all should actually be thankful for!). This applies to essentially every goddamn ship in this series but especially Solangelo. Holy fuck. Y’all are pulling out the wildest stuff out of your ass based on... what exactly? I mean props for creativity!

It is abundantly clear to me at least, that Riordan didn't write Nico with the intention of being gay. There was no real indication in the Percy Jackson series (and I refuse to believe that he was this sort of mastermind, that plotted about doing all of this behind Disney’s back to get the gays and latinos in. There’s a market for everything and diversity was a coming trend in the 2010s).

One could say: Hey! Isn’t it great that Nico wasn’t labeled as being gay? It normalizes homosexuality and makes sure that the lgbtq+ community isn’t something abstract but rather folk like me and you. And to that I’d say yes, I mostly agree if the follow-up arch is believable and plausible. Which it isn’t in my opinion. We jump from the Heroes of Olympus saga to The Trials of (Mo)Lester I mean Apollo and we’re having this HUGE jump? From barely knowing each other to being soulmates, sitting next to each other, hanging out, going on in their business, having the picket white fence, two kids, three dogs, living in a gentrified neighborhood and baking cherry pie on Sundays? HOW IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID ALL OF THIS HAPPEN?! That is incredibly rushed. 

Aren’t...you shippers....Mad? That’s so cheap? I’d say so? Wouldn’t you like to have more pre-existing relationship and plausible development? With Percabeth you at least have a five book long progression, Solangelo is Riordan basically taking a dump on your plate and forcing you to eat it. And no, Riordan teasing the last Apollo doesn’t count.

Additionally, wouldn’t it be way better to still have a character say “Yeah, I’m gay. Pass me that salt, will ya?” without it being gimmicky or a foil or something for woke points? Just showing kids: “Hey, if you think this is a label that suits you, it’s fine! It’s perfect even! No worries!” (Also, the “coming out scene” with Jason and Cupid wasn't it, my loves. That was horrifying and insulting imo).

I mean. Show and tell are powerful tools in narration and telling more than often resolves unnecessary conflict/dialogue. And whereas season one from Percy Jackson had barely anything in that direction with Nico’s identity, season two didn’t make it any better. And season three is a complete cluster fuck.

Yeah. For me, the ship is super rushed.

Final point. The fandom.

I have to inter-subjectively state that Solangelo shippers are fucking crazy. I know Percabeth shippers (including me, helloooo) and especially the Annabeth stans for some odd reason are insane, but Solangelo shippers take the fucking cake and then some. There’s already a disconnect between the age groups in the fandom and it’s clear that more of the older teens and adults center around the Percy Jackson story and some in the Heroes of Olympus sequel, but from what I’ve seen the Trials of Apollo fandom is super young and on a whole different level. Might be the reason why facing some criticisms seems harder, because the minute you open your mouth to say something about Solangelo, you have people attacking you left and right. Chill guys, it’s not that deep? And it’s definitely not a personal attack on you. After all, I don’t know who you are and tbh Idgaf. 

Talking about the lack of substance, fanon will automatically come in and fill the gaps. Which is fine and something we all do, but I really have to wonder about the levels of extremes that some take?

We all center around certain tropes and what not and while the trope and dynamic behind Solangelo isn’t particularly something for me, I really have to ask why people are behind it. Don’t get me wrong. My question is touching on more on M/M fetishization because I think that is mostly the driving force for some people rather than liking the actual ship? I see more people projecting things into Nico and Will and it’s really turning their characters into something they aren’t? Especially with Nico, who gets turned into this 5 ft. UwU punk princess which is hella strange???

All in all, I don’t have anything against the ship apart from it’s overrushed nature and Riordan’s wacky timeline. Do whatever you want with it (apart from fetishizing and sexualizing the ship), no one’s stopping you from liking it. But I do believe there are some things to look out for, especially in the fandom.

Take it easy, guys.

[demonfox38]

Completed - Baba is You

I can't believe this is the first game I've perfected on Steam.

Like, I don't like achievement systems in video games, okay? I prefer to set my own goals. Sure, there are some achievements that are interesting, like learning to use a certain mechanic in a cool or efficient manner, visiting hidden rooms, or even running around with nothing but my character's default busted sword just to prove a point. Mostly, I just want to finish them. I don't go jumping through flaming hoops because I want people to think I'm cool. I'm from Iowa. I'm critically uncool by design.

If a game is good, I will put in the extra work. Like, getting 100% souls in "Castlevania: Aria of Souls" and 200.6% map completion in "Castlevania: Symphony of the Night" is now just routine for me. With "Baba is You"? Well, circumstances are just a teeny bit different.

"Baba is You" is a puzzle game from independent developer Arvi Teikari. Your primary goal in the game is to create statements out of nouns, verbs, and conditions and use those generated rules to complete levels. It's basically catnip to programmers. These puzzles are packaged in cute, scribbly animations and gentle music. Ultimately, its soft presentation is the figurative sheep's clothing under which the wolf of this game lives, dragging its players through increasingly more complex situations, sitting there, laughing, its whole world wiggling in its adolescent mockery of you and your sluggish brain.

You're not always even Baba. I know. The absolute betrayal.

I originally saw this game being streamed back in 2019. A frustrating feeling overtook me as I watched the player work through the puzzles. I could feel myself solving them before she could, and it was making me itch. I didn't want to have any more spoiled without giving it a shot myself, so I purchased the game, put in a few hours, and then dropped it for two years. Hell, the major reason I came back to it was that I was babysitting my mom's very needy poodle, and I was more or less trapped on the couch with her during her entire stay. Had to do something. So, I decided this was it.

"Baba is You" really is the ultimate "Yeah, I'll get back to this" game. You know what I mean? There's always a handful of games that you make a little headway into, and then you think, "Yeah, I'll get back to this" and then drop it. I try not to be this way. Video games are expensive, and I want to get as much value as I can out of them. But man, does this game get overwhelming.

I mean, the TAS for a 100% run is currently around an hour and forty-five minutes. That's for 226 puzzles. That is a lot.

Granted, you don't have to finish every puzzle if you don't want to. The game can let you slide free with your first ending after completing only three subworlds on the main map. You know how many people get to that first ending? Like, we're talking maybe getting through 3 hours of gameplay or so. As of this posting, it's around 7.8% of all players on Steam. In comparison, here are first time ending numbers from other games I own on Steam:

"Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon" – 38% (Cleave the Moon)

"Trine" – 29.6% (Completed!)

"Dust: An Elysian Tale" – 23.9% (…And the Dust Settles)

"Fez" – 14.7% (Kill Screen)

"Psychonauts" – 13.2% (I Thought That Was Unbeatable!)

"Typing of the Dead" – 12.9% (Experimental Fiction)

"Final Fantasy VII" – 9.4% (End of Game)

That's right. From a percentage point of view, more players will put 80 hours into a 20+ year old RPG than 3 hours in this game. So, what's up with that?

At first, I wasn't struggling terribly with the game. I was making a pretty steady clip through it, stopping occasionally to check out the game's wiki. (BTW—view that on a laptop browser, not a mobile one. The background makes it hard to read some of the verbs and conditions.) My first tap-out in 2019 happened around the "Forest of Fall" block, when the game started introducing teleporting puzzles. My second brain-snap happened about 18 hours in the game when I accidentally created the phrase "Level is Key" in the puzzle "Fragile Existence," and then I realized that I could both create this level as Baba and had to create another level as a flag to win the overworld map.

And then there was a submap.

And another.

And another.

Holy crap, my brain was not ready for the mess that was Depths and Meta.

At one point, I stopped myself and reviewed why I was overcome with despair at my own stupidity. A part of it is yes, the game looks very cute, and the language used in the puzzles is very simple. So, when you don't get it, it's like saying you don't get "Sesame Street." And hey, maybe you wouldn't if it was in Mandarin and you only speak English. But, I did want to beat myself up for my sluggish responses and my growing feeling of helplessness. Why couldn't I beat the simple sheep game for babies? Was I really that stupid?

I think it helped to know what troubles I had my playthrough harder. This included:

Using text to push objects past barriers. (Yes, text exists in the world, and unless it's floating, you can use that text to move objects around. It's like hitting a car with a stop sign.)

Assuming attributes on an object that weren't actually assigned (i.e., assuming a door was locked or a wall would prevent me from moving through it, even if that wasn't the case.)

Manipulating text to double-layer nouns or break up commands by wedging an inactive/non-solid object in them. (See: Prison.)

Realizing that "you" doesn't always have to go to a certain destination. Sometimes, "you" just need to have something move over there or push something into where you want to go.

Remembering to use the "Wait" button to let moving objects finish their paths.

"Defeat" is a condition that applies only to "you", not objects in your possession. (They may instead be destroyed by "Sink").

Some rules need to be created and destroyed in the same turn.

Things that move on their own can be used to carry commands through obstacles.

Sometimes, you've just got to count your steps when you're taking an action and see if you can reduce them.

And granted, despite my stupidity, there were some puzzles that really clicked! I particularly enjoyed using the "Word" condition, as it allowed for me to treat both words and objects as a noun to make assignments. There were also times where I had to spell out the commands I wanted from letters left on the map. Fun! Natural! And hell, who doesn't enjoy a good block pushing puzzle, now and again? Super easy. Makes sense. Key is push, door is open. Of course!

Ass is Hot! Of course! (Wait, that wasn’t the solution...)

I tended to lock up more when the "Defeat" piece was on screen. I mean, you can always undo your mistakes, and there's no life limit or anything like that. But, hearing your player character go splat when you mess up is flinch-worthy. Additionally, I hated having to build complex paths for objects to follow. Like, screw the entirety of Adventurers. Also, learning what the "Lonely" condition meant felt very unnatural. It was hard to even tell why I was splatting until I read up on what it meant.

Interestingly, changing the language of the game only affects the menu's language, not the game itself. (I was wondering if adding a layer of comprehension to objects would stop me from auto-assigning properties to them or not. Makes sense that it's all in English, considering the "form objects from letters" puzzles.)

I felt bad when I finally gave up on putting effort into solving the puzzles on my own. I did. But, I was also 18 hours deep into my file in a single week, and I wanted to get back to my other hobbies. I felt that if I gave up on "Baba is You" again, I wouldn't finish it ever. And then, those 18 hours truly would be wasted. Also, I felt sick that only 7.8% of people had gotten to the first ending screen. The game isn't bad! It's hard, but not bad! I wanted to at least give it enough dignity to finish it off, even if I was more or less reading what I needed to build with one eyeball and building it with the other.

And hell. Given all of the version differences of this game and the amount of time that has passed since its release, it is a teeny bit YouTube proof. Not completely invulnerable, but I did catch a difference or two here and there. And it's not like the wiki's the clearest with what you need to do, even when they're telling you exactly what to do. You've got to mind your space with your words. At the very least, don't push anything aside or wreck it until you absolutely must.

I can't emphasize how much I felt bad about giving up. I mean, it's one thing to look at guides for other game types. You can get knowledge on how to beat a boss or level, but you've physically got to develop the skills needed to vault through that goal. With puzzle games, knowledge is 99% of what you need to accomplish your task. The rest is just putting in the solution as elegantly as possible.

92.2% of players didn't bother to do even that.

I won't pretend to say I know enough about puzzles to make an excellent puzzle game. However, I do think brevity would have helped this game. Like, think of puzzle games people like. "Tetris," right? Even a long game of "Tetris 64" lasts me a couple of hours at most. "Portal"? That's a handful of hours supported by plot and fun dialogue. So is the sequel. "Panel de Pon" / "Tetris Attack" / "Puyo Puyo"? Those are like "Street Fighter" arcade campaigns. Like, 15-20 minutes. To have a puzzle game go on for hours and hours without any character motivation or plot in sight? Yeah. That's going to burn a lot of people out.

Like, this game could have just the over world, a single hidden world, and then the Center portion, and that would have been more than enough. And then you know what could have been done with the rest of the puzzles? Put them in a new game! "Baba is More!" Bam! A second game, now with extra "Inception"-styled mind screws! Twice the money earned! (Yeah, okay. This plan might stink of capitalism.)

Making 226 puzzles is impressive. However, brevity is the soul of wit. Sometimes, design can be contradictory like that.

But, its achievements? Perfectly laid out. Truly finishing the game is likely to net you everything. I only had to put in a couple of hours after the true ending, and really, only fifteen minutes of that was solving the puzzles. The rest was just finding what I had missed. (I've heard rumors that "Baba is Baba" is bugged, but I think you just need to look up how to get the Level is Win solution in Meta figured out. The rest is elbow grease.)

I don't know if I can recommend this game. Again, having a case of the bad feels over that statement, especially since it seems like the developer has his heart in the right place. I'm hesitant to recommend this because when I was playing it, I had a migraine that lasted three days straight. Granted, there were possibly some external factors to why I had that. A fat polar vortex. Stress from work. Some hormonal influences. Not enough caffeine or water. Just generally living in the United States in the early 2020s. Plenty of things to crush my skull. I don't think it's in good taste to recommend something that will cause others physical pain. I mean, I'm used to games cracking my hands, but that's not exactly healthy behavior. I certainly wouldn't want to give someone an epileptic attack. Why would I want to drive a nail through their skulls, either?

I do think the game is solidly designed. It's a smart little cookie. But, it is unintentionally discouraging to get through, especially if you feel like you can't ask for help. Like getting a clue or an explanation is cheating.

Look. Try. Try hard. Be as honest and earnest as you can be. Just don't expect to do everything in your life alone, okay? I mean, there are times you've got to get an external perspective. I frequently had to crash after school with mathematics teachers and badger professors to explain topics outside of class. You think I was going to come up with how there are different kinds of infinities on my own? Hell no. I'm not creative in terms of mathematical proofs. But, I sure as hell can explain how different infinities work now! Even post-schooling, I still research topics, particularly when building or fixing things. I wouldn't have learned half of the things I've learned about maintaining game cartridges or building dollhouses without suggestions from professionals and enthusiasts. It's just part of life. You ask for help so you don't burn resources—especially something as valuable as time!

[lambourngb]

he’s got a smart mouth but a good heart - Michael Guerin

It’s Day 2, celebrating characters, and much to my own surprise, at the end of season 2, Michael Guerin decided to move into my brain and take up residence. Obviously I still love Alex Manes (He lives first and foremost in my brain since 1x08), but there was something about how Michael buried his own pain about his mother to help everyone in season two that rang pretty true to my own life right now. I didn’t always like what he was doing in season 2 but I understood it.

Anyway, when I find a story that celebrates how complicated he is, I cheer and rejoice- so here’s a few of the stories that I have gone back to again and again.

Truck stop knives and other assessors of childhood @angsty-aliens (13,200) I can’t lie, I love a good trope story, and I especially love a good sci-fi trope story, so this story hits all of my buttons. It takes our two science nerds, Liz and Michael, mucking around, and accidentally creating a version of Michael- but not just any version, but the child who hitchhiked to Fosters ranch, completely over humans and desperate to find his family. The kid who was feral from neglect and abuse... he was the cutest thing and the most mortifying thing that ever happened to Michael to be displayed and shown. This story takes the de-aged trope and turns it on its head, and oh yeah, there’s a sweet backdrop to Michael and Alex getting together.

Implicit Memories of You by @ninswhimsy (3464) - So this is an amnesia story canon-divergent story set after 2x11 basically, where they use the mind erasing drug on Michael. I know, I’m reccing this about Michael characterization, but it’s so solidly him after all the memories are stripped away and he’s acting on instincts, locked in a room to torture Alex with before death. There’s so much going on in so few words, something that Nin is a master at, especially the ephemeral remembrances of his mother that Michael has- oof right in the feels.

Maybe this time (he’ll stay) by @hannah-writes​ (7700) This is a sequel to one of my favorite stories I recced last year, dealing in alternative timelines where in one world, Michael is lost and alone and has pushed Alex away, and in another world where Alex came home from Iraq in a flagged draped coffin. It answers the question, what about Mikey? Where’s his happy ending? The confirmation of the multiverse means there’s an Alex out there who needs him- and through trial and error, Michael finds him. The world building in both stories is top notch, because for every action, there’s a reaction and reason shaping Michael.

Constant as the northern star by celzmccelz (53,000) - don’t know the tumblr here - This is an Mpreg, and it starts solidly after 1x13 and goes AU from there. But what if in the 100 mile drive home from Caulfield, Michael and Alex share a grief-induced moment of insanity where they fall back into their oldest language- sex for comfort, and then Michael does everything he does in the finale, including turning toward Maria, what if there was a souvenir? Despite the trope of mpreg, this is just how I see Michael, deeply in love with Alex but unable to trust that Alex feels the same depth in return. The friendships in here are also top-notch, from Kyle being a baby-doctor, to Isobel having her own Max-related spiral unable to let go of her brother only to refocus on Michael, to Liz fucking off with Rosa for the first half of the story because she’s caught up in her own grief (which turned out to be canon!). And there’s a whole plot here! With Jesse Manes being the worst.

Leave the light on by @sabrinachill​ (36,900) - Confession time- I love fake dating as a trope, I know, shocked right? But I especially love it with RNM because Malex are exes by 1x03. Mattie nailed the dynamic of pining and the assumption of unrequited love so well in this story. Although the POV switches here a bit between chapters, (and Alex is fabulous) what I really really loved was how she wrote Michael, in love but convinced that he’s messed up too much for Alex. Aware of his faults but not in a sullen way, but an acknowledgment that he was in a bad place and Alex hasn’t always been the best remedy him in the past. It was a very mature take on the “give me another chance” trope in Malex reunion stories, where both sides had a share of blame. The plot was suspenseful and tight (how do people do that???) with a climax that honestly shocked me! I really enjoyed rereading it while I prepped my rec-sets, and I won’t be surprised if this story isn’t mentioned by everyone doing ‘Creators Week’. It’s worthy of all the love.

Temporary wounds by @prouvaireafterdark​ (7800) - How many times can I rec this story? Hopefully you’re not bored by my adoration of this Lynne.  So even though it’s set post-season 1 with the assumption that Michael/Maria will fizzle out while Alex/Forrest date- it’s actually perfectly set for season 3 (an author who is psychic??). As a rule, I hate jealousy as a trope, but this story has the only type of jealousy I want to see on screen- where Michael wonders what was missing inside of him that Alex didn’t want to be public during their long affair (even with the acknowledgment that Alex was too scared before)- like that type of sad pining is my catnip!

The first who ever did by nostalijinks (33,000) post season 1, but really it also stands pretty well after season 2.  There was an interview during season 1 I think that talked about how all Michael really wanted was to be a hero to Alex (the way he stepped in front of Jesse as a kid)  but he thinks he failed at it since Alex enlisted. That failure soured him in ways but he never stops trying, for Alex. This is a really well done 5 times plus 1 story, with an overreaching arc of reconciliation between Alex and Michael, starting as teenagers, then as adults while Michael is with Maria, then as friends, real friends, trying to support Alex as Alex dates. The whole emotional journey of maturity that Michael takes here is so well done, where there’s no real villains in the friend group. I just love it. I wish the author had written 100 more like this one, but as a standalone work it’s epic.

The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger by @iwontbeyourmedicine​ (25,000) Ly has a very large body of work, that you could spend days paging through on AO3 or tumblr, but this one hits two of my kinks hard- the amnesia story line and true love conquers all. So three fandoms ago I was huge into Steve/Bucky, that iconic moment in Cap 2 where Bucky breaks through the brainwashing has never left me. This story takes my love for that moment, and makes it Malex. Alex gets programmed by his family and set loose on his friends, on the aliens and it’s a shitshow bloodbath since he’s really fucking good at kicking ass. Michael is caught between keeping everyone safe and trying not to hurt Alex, and the tension is just top-notch. I love how it’s not an immediate fix either, the way they circle each other in the aftermath, wanting to come home, but home would be a totally new step for both of them. Just chef’s kiss good at joining action, angst, and romance together.

Into the palm of your hand by @haloud​ (5900) hal is a treasured friend, so I am admitting some bias here, but we both enjoy talking about how wonderful and sad Michael is and how desperately we enjoy poking at that softness and then wrapping him up with love again... so this story was written pre-shamegate (and if you know what that means, I’m sorry) but it matches my head canon of what the history of hiding does to someone. The internalization of believing maybe there’s a reason behind the hiding that has nothing to do with homophobic townies. Alex has an ex boyfriend come to town, and he doesn’t tell Michael. And omg the journey hal takes us on with Michael’s spiral and Brave Little Toaster act was so wonderful and painful and real. The communication between these two was top notch as they worked through a road bump from the past, and let’s face it, once we get our malex back, these things are going to happen, and it will either tear them apart or bring them closer together- I prefer to believe it will be closer together.

There is beauty in a failure by @jule1122​ (2400) There’s been a few Greg and Michael stories to pop up on my radar after 2x10, and this one was one of my favorites. This is a Greg who pulls no punches in exposing his brother’s past to Michael, but also gives Michael the space to work through what he wants. It’s an AU from 2x12, that allowed Michael to break up with Maria for basically the same reasons that Maria used on him in 2x13. The way Michael is able to what he wants and communicate it Alex in the end- so good! We can only hope to see something similar in season 3.

I don’t know what to think (but I think of supernovas) by @queersirius​ (3900) This story is a delight from start to finish- I mean frustrated cursing turns the console on into a hologram who then takes the most pleasing form to Michael’s eyes? SIGN ME UP for those shenanigans. I fucking loved how Isobel saw it first too. And then the comedy of Alex discovering it? And what happens afterwards? Oh it’s so delicious. Now of course, full disclosure, this light-hearted romp through the feels also inspired me  to think up a much much sadder version of Michael building an AI for companionship considering how isolated he ended up being at the end of Season 2 and we all know Michael needs friends, badly.

Innuendo by the Roswell anon (6000) written for @bisexualalienblast​  the roswell anon is my favorite treasure in this fandom, I could pretty much list all of their stories as examples of some very fine Michael Guerin characterization. This one was one of my favorite post-season 1 fix-it fics though, because it has some of the most real 28-30 year old guy dialogue I’ve come across- from the crude jokes, to the sharply self-deprecating observations- this is Alex and Michael stripped down, all edges but what’s left is fatigue and love. The resolution at the end, where Alex observes that yes, Michael has tried the last 10 years but this is their first chance to try together- to pull in the same direction? It just lays me flat on the ground with how true that is to canon.

Whenever You Want to Begin, Begin by @foramomentonly (3200) - this is a sequel, and the first story is dynamite- don’t get me wrong- but it moves from the hopeful side of an ending to legit Happily-Ever-After here, and I devoured every word. First of all, having Michael turn to photography as a way of self-improvement is fucking genius. Photographers are always at the center of every happy event, but never the focus, and that screams Michael to me, the way he lives on the outskirts of the 9-5 job and literal outskirts of town in his trailer. The other thing is photographers are revealed by their work, and that’s also something I head-canon with Michael just in the mundane- he’s good with his hands, he wants to leave a car better than he found. Anyway, this story is gorgeously written, moves a bit like a really good bottle of wine- heavy but soft, as you watch Michael become Alex’s friend, and even more importantly, Alex becomes Michael’s friend. Fantastic- I’ve read it about four times now since it was published.

[theyreonlynoodlesmike]

Had My Bestfriend Watch the Lost Boys and...

She thinks Dwayne is the hottest

She thinks David looks like one of our friends just "with a bad haircut"

She thinks Marko is the ugliest, with Paul as her second place for hottest

She thinks it'd be hard to grab someone in the air

She laughed when she saw the names were in alphabetical order during the opening credits (idk why) (her explanation: in my mind i thought they def did that because someone complained about their name not showing up first. LIKE MEH THATS NOT FAIR!!!!!!)

"That baby is ugly" i.e. the random baby in a stroller

"Do they not burn in the sun?" "No, they do" "Then why do they live in California"

Nanooks her favorite

"This is so 80s"

"Pretty girl big hair" -her, about Star (she's a little gay)

"Who stares at someone like that. Like no thoughts head empty. Mouth open like a fish, mouth breathing ass."

"The brunettes really hot" (Dwayne) "He looks like a member of Greta Van Fleet." (Again, Dwayne) "Ew the ugly one at the end" (Unfortunately, Marko)

"Why is everyone just staring at everyone?" "Longingly stares at eachother" *stares at me until I laugh*

*Mimics Sam* "Phoenix, actually"

"Could save your life? Shut up"

"She looks like she's cosplaying as Esmeralda" -her, about Star

"Why aren't the police more alarmed by the fact that there are cars with roofs ripped off?"

She hates Edgar. She hates how they talk (the Frogs), and thinks they sound stupid

"With the kid too? Makes him even hotter" -her, about Dwayne

When Michael hesitated at the stairs, "Don't be a pussy, Michael" 

"He has no right to be that big of an asshole when he looks like that. Ugly and mean? Pick a struggle" -her, about David

"Just find a different girl" "why is he doing this????" She really thinks Michael could've just left their asses

*Mimicks Sam* "They just all talk like idiots"

Thinks Sam is definitely gay

"That jawline, those lips, and the curly hair? Who gave him the right?" -her, about Michael

"Sam is a shit brother." She dislikes Sam and the Frogs. Apparently they don't get rights. Thinks Sam is a bad son and a bad brother. (Later note: thinks he's slightly better at the end)

"Why is she just kissing him??" 

"I know you almost just killed your brother but you're looking kinda hot tonight" -her, making fun of Star

"Are they just fucking in front of Laddie?" (She do be spitting facts about this though)

About Sam asking Michael if he took care of everything, "That twink needs to mind his own business"

Immediately guessed that Max was a vampire

She thinks Edgar looks like a toad. She also said, "You know what I'm gonna name my kid? Edgar. That’s the name of a guy that gets pussy."

Me and her at the same time, "He's *tall*" About Max leaning down to kiss Lucy (this is an inside joke but I still wanted to put it)

She likes the soundtrack a lot, and we were jamming quite a bit

Hates where the fangs are placed. "Is he eating his brain?" When someone scalped a dude in the feeding scene

She thinks the other vamps should've had more lines. "Why does the ugly one have so much to say?" She specifically wants Dwayne to talk more (but low-key I *agree*)

"Dwayne seems like a bottom" (I do not agree with her on that and we paused it to literally argue about this)

She thinks Marko is gay. When I told her they're all probably gay, she said, "Oh, they definitely pull eachothers horns."

Went on a whole rant about how it's very closeted gay of Sam to put so much trust into the Frogs. She was like, "He listens to them for so much and for what. He just thinks they're cute and wants them to like him."

We also paused half-way through to talk about how there should've been more female characters and how Star should've been given a foil. We think it would've been improved if Dwayne/Marko both had girlfriend's cause then they could've gotten more lines

After Markos death, "Yay" and "They've got twink blood all over them"

When Sam went to get Nanook "He's so fucking dumb! Why are they all outside now!!!"

Anytime Dwayne comes on screen, "He's so hot!"

At Paul's hand on the tub, "Nice acrylics". She later said she thought his death was the coolest

She made a sad face when Dwayne died and didn't say anything

She called bullshit on David's death cause it's not a stake and considering Joel originally wanted David to come back she's not Wrong™

Overall, she thinks David is mean but a really good villain. 

She thinks Dwayne is really hot, and she likes his hair. She thinks the way he died was cool, but she wishes he didn't. "I love him, he didn't even need to saying anything. I could just tell-" "Tell what?" "That he's good."

She said she's glad that "Rat Bastard™ died first." She thinks that "men with hair that curly shouldn't have mullets"

Paul wasn't that impactful, but she thought he was cute. When I said Brooke was originally considered for David, she said she would've liked that version of the character more

About Sam: "He screams every line. He's a bad brother and a bad son. He just wants to suck off the Frogs and that's it."

The Frogs: "Edgar is fucking annoying and I don't care about Alan." She was very mad to hear that they're in the sequels/they're about them

About Lucy: "Lucy talks like a baby, but she's a good mom. She needs to be more strict and tell Sam to shut the fuck up more. Max was able to manipulate her and lie to her because she's, honestly, need to be more aware-" She blames sexism as to why Lucy was "clueless, but a good mom" and she "would've loved to see Lucy stake a vamp." Specifically Max and honestly would've loved to see it

About Michael: "He's dumb and a himbo. Too focused on his horniness. Too focused on Star. She's really pretty, but other girls exist. Weird he was so invested, and their relationship should've been built up more"

About Star: "She's pretty, but meek, aloof, and only cares about a child. Very sexist portrayal of both of the women in this movie. Would've liked to see her stand up more, and would've liked if their (Lucy and Star) only goal wasn't taking care of a child. Would've liked it if she was built up more. I think Star deserved better"

About Grandpa: "Funny, cool, cooky. Solid wise old man. But why didn't you tell them about the VAMPIRES??? I wish he was more involved in the plot"

7/10 she thinks it's okay, but she thinks the boys should've been given more lines and there should've been more female characters/pass the Bechdel test

[myfalsedevotion]

supposed to be editing huh vicky 🤨🤨🤨 im kidding let's do this 😌 how about 2, 7, 15, 17 & 22! ok that's a lot but i have restrained myself from sending all of them so be proud of me 💙

I'm always proud of you, Maya 💙💙 And yup, I've started the editing process 🤭🤭 (I still am fighting with a couple paragraphs from the end scene, so I decided to start editing and let my brain work it out in the background hahahah)

Let's do this (under the cut so I don't take over people's dashes):

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

Okay, this is fun. There's been a couple times. Can't talk about the most recent one before tomorrow, but. In Hourglass. Cashton were never supposed to be a thing. It was a one-sided crush side plot. And then Ashton looked me dead in the eyes and was like "did you really think you could put Calum next to me for an extended period of time being his cute and talented self and I wouldn't develop fEeLiNgS???" so... 😅

Oh, and let's never forget Ashton growing a sudden tragic past when I was writing what I thought would be a fun lil christmass-y one-shot fic that would later be known as All The Hues Of Blue 🤭 He was just "well, you see, I'm a bit broken. So this is not going to be just a fun one-shot. It's going to end up being a huge ass series. You're welcome 💙"

7. tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write

LUCIFURR. Gosh he's so fun. Although I've never written him, him. Always about other character's perceptions of him hahahah. And, of course, Otto, my beloved 💙 Otto's always a joy to write. Can't wait to write more of him. Eventually. Some day. He's such a sweet character, I can't 🥺

15. in an ideal world where you’re already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not?

Mayaa, you know the answer to this one 🤭🤭 YES! I'd love to, but. I'd also love to be involved. I have a degree in film, if in this hypothetical world they offered me the chance to work on the script, or helping the casting, or being a part of the creative team? Sign me the fuck up. Athob for example is huge on colour symbolism, I'd absolutely love to explore that in an actual film 😍😍 One can dream hahahahah

17. at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you?

It is the hardest thing sometimes. I spent two months with Hourglass as "Batman fic" on my drafts, trying to look for a title then deciding on using the name I had given the animation studio on it for the title.

For my one-shots, unless I've had a clear direction from the beginning (Kokology), it's been hard. Then they end up being named Crayon Record Store because there was a record store on the fic and since it was Cake I wrote for my best friend's birthday, who I have saved as "Crayon" on my phone –she misspelled crying and wrote crayon once and I will never let her live it down–, well, I just put two and two together.

Then there's All The Hues Of Blue, which working title was "Christmas is all around" up until the moment I was about to post the first chapter, then the title just came to me. Funny thing, because it ended up being the thread that bound together that entire story, part of what gave it meaning. And it just... came to me. And Rare as Gold came to me when I was reading about neutron star collisions and how they're believed to be the origin of all the gold found in our galaxy (at this point I already knew what the last words of ATHOB were, and chose the title for the sequel knowing that). And... it will play a big part on the final scene 🤭

22. talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you. or talk about several. seriously, writing is cool. you’re making up whole stories out of your brain, revel in that shit.

Pleasantly surprised me? 🤔🤔 There's been a lot. Of course all the friends I've met through writing, that's the first thing that comes to mind.💙 Even though I don't think that question refers to that, but. It's the most important thing.

Another thing is how writing is such a powerful tool for self-reflection. I literally, subconsciously wrote things into fics over three years ago that I'm only just now picking up on and understanding that say a lot about what I was going through at the time, or about who I am. It's so cool to be rereading something I wrote and then go "...huh." 🤭

[monkey-network]

Why EVE is The Best

Heads up. I’m basically gonna sperg about this whole film, so spoilers for this twelve year old film. Enjoy!

Wall-E is one of my favorite films; I would gladly kill and extort to bring the sequel I had in mind to life in any way; animatics would pleased me if nothing else but anyways. I love this film and one of the biggest reasons for that is the character EVE, a character that stuck in my mind longer than most if you can believe. So, better time than any, Imma just ramble about why I love this character. And, before we begin, I’m gonna say EVE is a girl, Wall-E is a boy due to my brain believing they were respectively female- and male-coded for most of my life but do NOT let this stop you from envisioning them however you please. If they’re both girls or boys to you, all power to you. With that said, here we go...

The Design

Now I’m not saying she has the greatest robot design ever; I don’t look at eggs and remember better days when I got to watch that film for the first time in my old house. But Pixar certainly knew how to make simplicity work to perfection. Simple shape, simple mechanics, simple movements. All feeling right at home with her coming from the more advanced future, especially compared to Wall-E where he’s literally a more grounded looking robot. Thematically, this design is fucking genius. A scouter robot with the ability to fly with ease and yet carries a literal arm cannon with incredible fire power. Both expressing how she can have her head in the clouds, observational when necessary, and yet trigger happy amidst the slightest inconvenience or surprise. *MWAH* What the fuck? It’s a great duality where the hard, more logical exterior possesses a sweet and approachable core just waiting to be shown and it’s wonderful seeing Wall-E, this literal block head, fumble his way into having a simple conversation with her. Now I can’t really disassemble how the programming in Wall-E works where they can behave like humans but follow objectives like a machine... but, I can try. With this scene.

Now take this with a grain of salt, the inferencing is more to the imagination otherwise the fun of this movie is tarnished. But from this scene, it’s clear that in this universe robots can show feelings for one another but can’t be romantic with humans because they can recognize human emotions and reactions but do so in an automated sense. The film expresses their curiousity just enough to where their reactions to human things and functions are within reason and yet doesn’t toy with the viewer’s believability. EVE is capable of responding to Wall-E’s advances but doesn’t 100% reciprocate his feelings because Wall-E isn’t her directive (least not yet, that’s for later). Not to mention, she isn’t that adept at romance unlike Wall-E who, by being alone with Earth’s technology, was able to learn and process human romance through the Hello Dolly VHS and potentially other things over the years. So this conversation works with the two having their limited knowledge, we don’t know how much they know, and the film keeps focus on having a balance between somewhat logical reactions and minor impulsive humane reactions that makes them alive but only just enough so it doesn’t feel like them being robots is pointless... Phew. Speaking of which, you know what isn’t pointless? Her motherfucking buster cannon.

Her whole ass arm houses a gun capable of nuking an entire cargo ship in a matter of seconds and it makes sense that she’d have it cuz how can a scouter robot defend themselves but beyond that, it’s just so goddamn cool. Like yeah, I can express how this symbolizes about America and... how they want to fuck their guns or something but who cares. She has a FUCKING ARM CANNON and it’s badass, end of discussion.

The Hanger Moment

Much as I love the moment where the two are in space flying, I honestly say that this moment where the two are in Wall-E’s house during the darude sandstorm is incredibly important. EVE is reasonably taken to his home and naturally, when the lights come on, she looks through the stuff he gives to her. She gets to take it easy for once, things can be quiet after she blew up a whole ship, have a giggle or two at the trinkets he’s collected, with the cigarette lighter being a good tool that’ll be used for later.

She’s curious, bouncy, still a bit quick on the draw, but is nonetheless taking in a lot this robot on Earth has to offer. It’s this and the small 1v1 they had before that is a lovely seedling to not only their connection but EVE’s development on her own, where we hardly need dialogue to show how she’s feeling about it all. And yeah, I’m with plenty of people to say that if this movie was just about the two of them being on Earth it probably would’ve been the greatest Pixar film of all time for many. Fortunately the plot kicks in when Wall-E shows EVE the plant, forcing her to go dormant, thus pulling Wall-E into an adventure on the Axiom ship. And I say fortunately cuz this is where EVE goes from good to great as a character.

The Axiom

While it’s something where we all wish that this film wasn’t the densly plotted, society driven second half, I say the second half on the Axiom carries the film’s themes and character building for EVE to good heights. We enter EVE’s territory, the slick, iPhoney synthetic world where humans have become literal potatoes and everything’s more or less automated. For EVE, the first half of the film lets us see the more playful side of her and doesn’t mind being around Wall-E, but isn’t immediately won over with the concept of love. She’s still goal-oriented and trying to keep the two stuck on Earth would’ve made her arc as open-ended and ambiguous as The Good Dinosaur. Time on the axiom puts her original sense of thinking to the test when Wall-E tags along.

To share the bigger picture real quick, the human element of Wall-E is complimentary to Wall-E and EVE’s humane behavior. To quote RealJims’ honestly flawless analysis, “What better way to show the humanity in a robot than to be among humans that act like robots?” For Wall-E the robot, this works perfectly as a fish out of water story. His time on Earth affects not only a few humans, but other robots like MO and the secretary machine, as minor as it seems.

So when Wall-E seemingly fucks things up, EVE is rightfully peeved. His slip ups especially with the Diagnostics scene tests her goal-oriented nature and patience, to a tasteful comedic strength. Doesn’t mean they now turned Wall-E stupid, the film makes sure the monkey wrenches are only accidents from someone severely out of the loop of things. This leads them and us well into

The Depths of Space

The scene where Wall-E gets launched in the escape pod thrills me with joyfully painful suspense every time. EVE making a mad dash to him as Wall-E madly tries to get out of the soon exploding pod, leading to it exploding and we get this from EVE. The wide eyes of terror followed by the whispering “No”s gives me shivers every time I see it in full. 

Now one could argue her concern was more for the plant getting destroyed, but I say she was more frightened at the idea of both Wall-E and the plant getting nuked. While Wall-E did make her mad, she nonetheless cared about him and wasn’t expecting the tiny bot asshole to send him to death. So it’s like, “Oh no, both my purpose and the one that helped me are both gone.” 

Luckily, thanks to some foreshadowing, Wall-E made it out alive with the plant in safe keeping and EVE seeing Wall-E actually care about her goal makes her beam with joy, being that reasonable spark that brings the two closer together. I mean if your love interest cheated death to help you out, why wouldn’t it? Everything about this moment is what made EVE stick with me long after I watched the film; the emotional journey the director was able to convey with her is so well-built to this point, it’s still amazing how they were able to do it with little dialogue or facial expressions. I especially love the emptiness we get of the two of them in space, where it adds focus to the two of them especially. But my god, that’s only half of it...

The space dance sequence between the two is still one of Pixar’s most gorgeous scenes. The way Wall-E is able to keep up with the fire extinguisher after having trouble in the film’s beginning, the wide shots of space, the lovely glow of the engines, the music. I especially like to think of this scene as a parallel to EVE’s initial flight on Earth. For her, it was that rite of passage after the touchdown and now she gets to share that same moment with someone she’s grown to like or appreciate. Then again, this isn’t the moment where EVE loves Wall-E. We’re close, but we need that one inch to finally show her the truth. That’s when she sees

The Recordings

The moment where EVE gets to see the memories of her time on Earth, including her dormant stasis, is where shit finally clicks. She essentially gets to know how Wall-E felt not only about her, but about love. Even when she couldn’t be there, she sees now that Wall-E cared about her and is able to process what Wall-E processed when he looked at Hello Dolly at one point. Scene also works because getting her directive, or the plant, was generally done and done with, she finally gets time to focus on something else, on her feelings for someone else. This leads well into... the well that leads to...

The Dumpster Moment

The scene with the recordings is where things finally click, but the moment with EVE and Wall-E in the ship’s dump is where it comes together. After getting betrayed yet again by AUTO, EVE’s concerns are now less with the plant and more for Wall-E and thanks to the moment previous, I can totally buy this. It’s teeth gritting seeing her try to rescue a now broken Wall-E from getting ejected into space and losing his energy thanks to a destroyed chip. So when we see her finally toss the plant aside and says Wall-E is her directive now, I tear up. It feels like a genuine, built up declaration on her part; the moment where EVE can rationally return his feelings ten-fold and truly be there for him. But that isn’t all to it, because Wall-E reasonably struggles his way to the plant to show that to save him, they need to get to Earth which means getting the plant back to the core of the ship.

This gives EVE newfound resolve and puts that to the test, where she has to basically defect against AUTO who’s become the physical antagonist of the film. The escape sequence is a bit of a step down since putting humans in danger doesn’t really affect the film’s themes all that well, but I can’t argue that pitting the captain against AUTO is a bad climax. 

The Death to Wall-E

Thinking about this film after so long, it is still pretty fucking shocking to realize how punishing they treat Wall-E in the final act. It’s even more shocking when you realize how the roles have reversed, where Wall-E focuses more on EVE’s goal with the plant instead of EVE herself and vice versa. Then again, I say it’s fair that they did this, to show how much Wall-E was willing to sacrifice for the one he loves which makes the painful wails we hear from EVE feel all the more impactful. Like you’re serious with her as she struggles to accept his death before they reach Earth. And speaking of Earth...

The Finale

Now, I can’t help but argue it’s an unfortunate plothole that EVE is somehow able to fully repair Wall-E in spite of never fixing anything else in the film. Then again, it’s fucking pumping seeing her move quick to put him back together and it’s that final stomp on the heart when, even when he’s fully restored, Wall-E bares no memories of her or anything. You see her desperately try to get him to remember anything only to be met with an emotionless, reset shell. In finally understanding Wall-E’s feelings of love, she can’t really be with him. Until...

True Love’s Kiss Saves the day

I can get scientific with how getting his memories back was possible, but I won’t because the scene just works. It’s quiet, takes it time, and that last eureka moment with the two truly get to hold hands makes up for any scattered logistics. I’d say this is where Wall-E finally gets the love, but the same can be said for EVE, after everything she went through. I’ve admittedly seen a few talk about how the female lead is only valid through the love of another, typically male, but I believe what works 120% here is that the two characters basically have themselves figured out, Wall-E more than EVE, and EVE’s journey is never hindered for a sudden realization to love. She still succeeds in her mission, but the stakes for her have risen once she comes to terms with her newfound feelings and these feelings aren’t out of pocket. Wall-E has his feelings for EVE from the getgo, but dedicates to helping EVE with the goal, even if it means death. The connection they get to have is earned and is what drives the plot. EVE earns what she realizes she wants and that makes her a great female protagonist in my eye.

The Conclusion

Wall-E is a pretty warm movie; a film how the love of two brings humanity to salvation and vice versa. How EVE and Wall-E’s love is synonymous to the intertwining of modern and older technology to shape the world. But honestly, that probably wouldn’t have worked as well without how great they made EVE as a character. Wall-E is great too, but it’s astonishing to see EVE’s journey with Wall-E and show her natural growth of understanding something as warm as romance. Her journey is pretty synonymous to how I feel with the movie overall. The time we get of them on Earth is symbiotic to the time we get in space; we get an intimate journey that expands to a film about society but remains personal and intimate nonetheless. And with EVE, we get this superbly fleshed out character that’s emotive, understanding, and above all gets a resolves that’s awesome to see every time I catch or just think about this film. What else is there to say?

They’re the Best.

[notasdriedapricots]

The Tender Trap: The Origin Story

This is just pretty much a disclaimer for the disaster that’s coming.

I TALK A LOT OMG HOW DID YOU KNOW? Here's a TL;DR: -The Tender Trap is canon as shit, because I never intended to write a fic, and much less to publish it, but one thing lead to the other and I ended up kinda liking it. I love them so much. There's quite a lot added to it, but there's still a fair bit of the original thing in there, because again, that was the original goal. -However, if you think there's too much still there, let me know! I think I've modified it enough, but that's only my opinion. -If you catch technical mistakes, grammatical errors, weird vocabulary... let me know! English is my second language. -There's an after-villa sequel in the oven that has more angst (the game doesn't leave much space for that) and honestly is more fun. Or at least I've been having so much fun with it. I have to finish it first, though. I might hate it by the end, but we'll see. -Funny story: It was untitled for months. The day I randomly found a title while listening to Ella Fitzgerald, I kinda decided to 'fuck it, just upload it somewhere'. And so here we are. That was literally yesterday. -The first real chapter will likely be posted on AO3 on Thursday/Friday, depending on how much longer I keep messing with it :D

800 words of me rambling under the cut. How annoying is that.

I transcribed the whole goddamned game. In past tense instead of present, mind you. As one of the most popular memes in my country preaches: Why? There is no 'why'?

Well, there is. Just for clarification, that transcription is not what I will be posting. I'm not that dumb. No, I wanted to add nuances to the story without altering it, so I used what the game gives us as the skeleton. I wanted to see if I could make nonsense dialogue and the whole amnesia deal make sense by turning it into inside jokes, sarcasm, and anxiety. (Prosody is a wonderful thing). I tried my best to not contradict what has been explicitly said, regardless of how. much. I. wanted. to. change. it. That was the challenge, to reframe it so it made sense. Did it interfere with the 'creative process'? Nah, it was pretty fun, and I work well with a structure in place. The post-villa thing is way freer and oh god it's so over the place I have to put some order to that I don't even know where it's going but I found out I love writing domestic shit and I LoVe Lucas' mother.

This idea lead up to extending some scenes, adding others I felt were missing, composing internal monologues... And I ended up writing fiction again after like ten years. Which is not a "take it easy on me" card, by the way. Be ruthless, I can take it, mainly because I did this just for fun. I know I'm rusty, what's new? I know it mainly shows in the first chapters because the game forces a pace that's too fast and too slow at the same damn time and there's only so much my brain can do. I might rewrite them at some point, who knows. Also English is not my first language, so I can only hope there's something that sounds hilarious in there somewhere that you can point out so we can laugh about it. Let me know! I've loved this language since I was three, I want to use it properly. Also punctuation is sometimes different (commas and the necessity of explicit pronouns in English are a pain in the ass compared to Spanish) so you're welcome to correct that as well if you catch a mistake. So I don't intend to put myself at the same level as some of the fantastic writers in this fandom; you keep writing art, I'm just here for shits and giggles, and because this was insanely fun for me.

But going back. I started getting sidetracked, as I tend to do when I write, as you can see, so I had to get the scissors and cut those parts that weren't adding much to the main plot (telling Gary to apologize to Marisol is very nice but this chapter is already over 8000 words long, SIR) to make room for other parts that needed more depth, so amongst other things we have the emotional breakdown and apology we deserve after CA (or at least one that makes me feel bad, I don't know) and a lot of chats so these two actually get to, you know, know each other? Oh, and smut, ejem. Yeah. That.

In between I wrote half the after-villa sequel, canons for Liz, headcanons for Lucas, (head)canons for them together, pages and pages of questions and answers from both of them, fashion headcanons, families and exes, best friends; I put together pinterest folders with pictures of so (so) many people, clothes, apartments; I even wrote a musical episode where Liz has a karaoke battle with her ex in a jazz joint that's one of my favourite things because the songs are just *chef's kiss* I mean, Liz singing 'Cry me a river' is so cathartic... Anyway I started adding shit, mostly thoughts, to the game's dialogue, and it ended up in this abomination that never intended to be anything but fun. I'm not particularly proud of the first couple chapters because the cut/don't cut thing looking at the wordcount, trying to decide if I butchered the original dialogue, reduced it to a general paragraph, or pretend the scene never happened, all while having a chapter that was too short to split into two (or that would have one of them containing too little new stuff) but so long to be just one... was painful. I'm still dealing with that as I tweak the next chapters, but as soon as I have a somewhat definitive word/chapter count, I'll let you know. Just know that it's long, so do with that what you will.

SO, welcome. Take a seat, help yourself to a drink, and stay for as long as you like. When I got into this I went to the ball, so now I'm just dancing.

[asterdeer]

i just realized the reason the “rey nobody/rey skywalker/rey kenobi/rey palpatine” stuff never worked for me as a source of angst is the same reason that chewie being bequeathed leia’s medal at the end of tros didn’t work for jay exci in their “tros is an embarrassment” video, and that reason is that it’s a question not meant for the story but for the audience

the sequel’s whole sense of tension is built around Who Rey Is because i guess the writers thought we want a Luke I Am Your Father moment, when the Luke I Am Your Father moment was never a driving force for the ot - we’re not interested in lineage but in personal connection. the only reason it matters that vader is luke’s father is what luke does with that information. we don’t question luke having force powers in a new hope because he’s a ““nobody”“ (granted the concept of a skywalker lineage doesn’t exist yet, but still), we don’t even assume in empire that luke’s force power comes from vader. i don’t think we ever came close to assuming that force sensitivity is lineal at all - it’s not a question of a force dynasty, luke doesn’t get any power or importance from being vader’s son, it’s literally never brought up by anyone in the movies aside from luke, leia, vader, and palpatine. it’s so close to being a non-issue it kind of blows my mind the more i think about it. it’s not even because vader is his father that luke ultimately stops from killing him - maybe the final vader/luke duel would have had the same ending if vader had been just a big scary villain with no personal connection to luke, because luke doesn’t think “oh i can’t kill my father”, he thinks “oh i can’t kill anyone in anger”. at least strictly in movie canon, no one gives a shit about luke’s lineage other than luke and leia and the bad guys. 

the prequel trilogy on the other hand also doesn’t give a shit about lineage past the first movie, and it’s no big secret. anakin is just Force Jesus and that’s that on that. shmi virgin birth’d him and we never hear ANY of it EVER AGAIN even in phantom menace. it’s 100% a non-issue. the prequels take place when the jedi order is, if not thriving, at least at some amount of strength, and we see hundreds of jedi whose presence in the jedi order is never explained by force dynasties or lineages. i can’t stress this enough but it’s a non-issue. no one gives a shit about “anyone can be a jedi” because literally anyone can be a jedi. do we care where obi-wan “got” the force? qui-gon? mace windu? fucking yoda? hell no. we don’t need their breeding papers ffs. they’re just jedi and they came from anywhere (unless we get into tie-in materials but a lot of people don’t). i just noticed that there’s (i think) a kaminoan jedi on the council in phantom menace which doesn’t really prove anything, i just thought it was cool. so one more time for jj abrams, rian johnson, chris terrio, lawrence kasdan, etc - no one. gives. a shit. about. force. lineages.

in the sequel trilogy, everyone is so wrapped up in Who Rey Is that they never actually give her a personality past tfa, just a ~mysterious past~ and a poorly executed identity crisis, all for the audience’s sake, because the writers think we care about Who Rey(’s Parents Are) when we couldn’t give less of a shit, we just want a fun flawed desert girl getting force powers and kicking space nazi ass. the whole “rey nobody subverts expectations because it shows jedi can come from anywhere!!!!” thing subverts NOTHING because there was no previous expectation that she was a skywalker or a kenobi or (god help us) a palpatine or a whatever, because there is no belief that only skywalkers can be force-users because most of us have seen the prequel trilogy, or have heard about that thing called the jedi order which was def not populated solely by skywalkers and palpatines, or have, you know, at least heard of obi-wan kenobi and yoda, because we’re not fucking imbeciles and we understand that anyone can be a force-user...... until tfa went to great lengths to set us up to expect something from her lineage. rian fucking johnson didn’t go “you elitist fucks, thinking every main star wars jedi has to be a skywalker for no reason!!!!” and then really give us what we deserved for being skywalker snobs by making rey a nobody. he was like “you know that hint that you were given in good faith in tfa that rey’s parentage was a plot point? well fuck you, it was nothing, don’t you feel silly sitting there with your snobbery around your ankles", like an asshole. i don’t want to talk about tros.

so, yeah. rey’s lineage was not and never was an organic element in the actual story of the sequels. it was thrown in because of some misguided idea that Skywalker Lineage is an important thing in star wars lore when it’s absolutely 100% not, even just in the movies. it was an example of writers talking down to the audience - us - and telling stories based on inaccurate/questionable star wars tropes, preconceived notions, and surface-level assumptions instead of by people who actually cared about the messages and ideals of star wars and have more than two star wars-themed brain cells to rub together.

“rey skywalker” my fucking foot