#i actually think my skills have not deteriorated? i even think some of the work ive been making recently is... better?

[ignisgalaxia]

With the release of Prodigy season 2, the Trek fandom finally has an answer to what Chakotay's native ancestry is. He's Nicarao, a tribe from the western region of Nicaragua who actually share a common ancestry with the Nahua Aztecs of Mexico. The show even mentions the island of Ometepe specifically, which is the largest island in Lake Nicaragua made up of two volcanoes.

The reason this is so important to me is because my dad and his family are from Nicaragua. I’ve been getting more in touch with those roots over the last year or so, and I’ve found it very frustrating how there seems to be no Nica representation in media, at least not in the mainstream. But when I found out that Chakotay was a fellow Nica, I was literally bouncing off the walls. To think, one of my favorite characters has the same ancestry as me (well, almost, but I’ll get to that later)! When I told my dad, he laughed so hard because he never would’ve imagined.

But I haven’t seen a lot of people talking about this aspect. I get it, it’s a minuscule part of the wild ride that was season 2. But I’d really like us as a fandom to discuss this more. I mean, we literally don’t have to guess what tribe he’s from anymore!

So since nobody else has come forward, I am going to claim myself as the only member of the Voyager-Prodigy fandom with actual Nicaraguan ancestry, and am making this post to give firsthand information about the Nicarao and the nation as a whole.

Firstly, some context. My dad was born in Managua, the capital of Nicaragua, and lived there with his family until he was 7. Then they fled the country due to the Contra War that was going on. My grandfather was born and raised in Bluefields, a city on the country's Carribean coast, then went to college in Mexico where he met my grandmother. Neither of them are Nicarao, and are in fact very European (the DNA tests proved it). However, when they were all living in Managua, my grandparents had a handful of maids that worked for them (they had six kids they needed some help), and a couple of them were Nicarao. Specifically, they were natives from a village in the nearby mountains. So while I don't have info on natives from Ometepe, I do have some on the people in general.

The maids lived with my dad's family during the week and would go home to their village on the weekends. They primarily spoke Spanish, but he would occasionally catch them speaking in their native tongue which I assume is Nahua.

My dad recounted a time when the maids invited the family to their village for a day trip. He said they were living in Adobe houses and had lots of livestock (cattle, chickens, goats, etc) as well as horses, which he apparently rode for the first time there. He also said most of the natives had two primary weapons: a machete to cut crops and other vegetation, and a 22 single shot rifle. They used the rifles to shoot iguanas off trees. Iguanas and iguana eggs are a delicacy in Nicaragua that the natives are experts at making.

This is a direct quote from my grandmother when I asked her about what she remembered of them:

The people I knew, they were good and hard working people. Smart, happy, funny… they really are sociable, like to talk and say jokes invented with their mind and history. The women were skillful, knew how to survive. They cooked, cleaned, planted crops and vegetables. Good merchants, they really knew how to sell and buy.

I wish I had more info to share, but unfortunately season 2 could not have been released at a worse time because my grandfather has recently begun developing Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia and has been losing his memory over the last few months. Even when my dad and I were with him in May and I asked him to recount his earlier life, he repeated himself a few times since he evidently had forgotten he'd already told us those parts. If I had known how fast he’d be deteriorating, I would’ve started my work sooner.

If I do end up learning anything more from my relatives, I’ll update the post. For now, I hope this is of some use to people. And if anyone has questions about Nicaraguan culture in general, I’ll be happy to pass them along to my dad.

[batsplat]

top 5 misconceptions ppl have about casey hehe

lol. well. this kind of question is always a bit tricky because tbh I don't really have my finger on the pulse of what people are saying about casey. also often it's less 'misconceptions' and more 'crucial contextual information people aren't particularly interested about', which isn't really in the scope of the question. AND it's hard to draw the line between what I would consider my Takes and what is like. actual established fact. but sure. here's some stuff

honesty: you know the kind of talk - he's a straight shooter, he says what he really thinks, he doesn't hold back. he hates the media and thus he doesn't have any media game.... one of these things is true, the other one is very obviously not true. casey's become pretty excellent in striking the balance between coming across as authentic + expressing a decent share of his earnestly held opinions but ALSO pursuing his agendas and making active informed decisions about what narratives to pursue. he's really good at it!! it allows him to be effectively outspoken about stuff he genuinely cares about! but obviously that's something that should be kept in mind when assessing what he's saying he's always been an underrated communicator - journalists are pretty consistent in telling us how, even though he obviously didn't like a lot of his pr obligations, he's good at articulating his opinions and explaining how the sport works. he has EXPLICITLY talked about learning from valentino on the media front, which!! if he's telling you that he's taken a class in media manipulation skills from mr media manipulator himself, I think that's worth paying attention to?? he's talked about getting better at sucking up to journalists. he learned how to choose his moments. he also obviously sometimes played the pr game.... it's fair to say his apology to valentino at brno 2008 was not heartfelt, but he still did that and mostly sat on that grudge for TWO YEARS until the relationship properly started deteriorating. he said he had no problem with ducati when he came back from his illness break in 2009 and had no problem with them pursuing jorge, was very firm on this and essentially portrayed it as dumb rumours. which is something he has later repeatedly explicitly contradicted he lies! he has his agendas! you have to read between the lines with a lot of what he's saying! his autobiography is very unreliably narrated! his version of events is often HEAVILY edited, where some quite key details will never be brought up again (sometimes they'd even help make his point, but (imo) make him feel worse about himself, which is extra interesting) and certain details repeated ad nauseam so they'll stick in the public consciousness. he's good at this!! and his *reputation* for being honest and always speaking his mind is super useful for this. if everyone believes you always say what you really think, even when in the past it's been to your detriment, and you keep telling everyone you'll say what you really think because you don't want to play these media games and just want to be honest then... eventually maybe everyone will believe you're more honest than you are

justified in his grudges/grievances: as someone who is pretty confident that I hold the dubious honour of having written the most words about casey stoner on this website, this may be an odd complaint but. he's not always right. I find the 'hater' thing so grating because it's so glaringly one-dimensional and erases his ability to be genuinely unpleasant to people it'd be quite hard to frame as deserving targets. this is less 'misconception' but more in the general category of 'stuff that annoys me', but it's quite obvious when people mostly just use him as agenda fuel without being particularly interested in casey himself. and the thing is, right, he had a lot of Legitimate Grievances, but also he had some things that just... were not. he could be pretty patronising and had a temper that must have been a bit exhausting to work with until he got himself under control, he could be tactless to the point of being quite cruel. also, man, he really has got his conspiratorial leanings. a bit too ready to attribute malice when incompetence is perhaps a more reasonable explanation, very much on the look out for bias, deeply suspicious. at times paranoid. his european thing is objectively A Bit Silly, like I get how this happened but it's also not exactly the height of rationality. as a bonus, he seems to be at least a little prone to going completely cold towards others (not unlike a certain rival of his) and will stick to his grudges,, even if they're not particularly well-founded

relationships with non-valentino aliens: this is a bit of an umbrella one, but they're all kinda defanged. I don't think it's crazy to suggest casey experienced a fair bit of resentment towards all these guys. you don't really need to read between the lines too much to conclude that casey didn't like how much more highly rated dani was than him (stresses how it was ultimately to his advantage that he had a worse bike/team in 2005 because he learned how to deal with adversity or whatever; his 2006 tantrum after losing out to dani; the condescending tone he has slipped into at times). the jorge relationship, there's just a massive knowledge gap I reckon - casey really didn't like jorge at the start of 2008 and was quite ugly about it tbh. even if the story about him saying that jorge was faking needing a wheelchair after breaking his ankles isn't true (which personally I do kinda buy). and like... he just does not give a shit about marc. athletes are an egocentric bunch, this was after his time, it's just not his fight. obviously his own later rhetoric about all three of these guys is partly to blame but like,, he has an agenda here!! he wants to emphasise the contrast with valentino!! and all power to him, but, man you have to keep this in mind

blanket valentino rivalry item: listen. I think everybody can interpret information in different ways. and I think when you are a fan of something you should be able to have fun with it however you please. but I also think some interpretations are very wrong and I try not to perceive them. it's a rivalry that exists in public discourse in a really unhappy place where the most infamous moments are super well known but the actual details are super not well known. both laguna 2008 and jerez 2011 are infinitely more interesting if you familiarise yourself with a couple hundred key contextual facts and relevant quotes, I promise you. man... so much stuff you could get into here... let's not. in general, I think it's worth considering that casey really really really really hates admitting to weakness and is maybe motivated to de-emphasising how much he cares or has ever cared about valentino + how valentino has behaved towards him. it's also worth considering whether he might not be motivated to make it sound like mind games were a failure for valentino in that rivalry, backfired on him etc, and whether that really chimes with the actual. factual record

consistency of principles: he's a hypocrite!! for all his perfectionism and tendency to self-flagellate, he does hold others to standards he's not always willing to follow himself. the obvious thing is the 'ooh boy if somebody said this about YOU, you would pray on their downfall until the day you died' principle - and, look, obviously he would argue that when HE gets slandered people are wrong and when he's DOING the slandering, he's right. but. come on. also, mr respectful riding having two incidents of physically lashing out at another rider while they're on the bikes is... it's a bit much. perhaps the most interesting one is the health thing - for completely understandable reasons, he's hyper sensitive to how other people discuss his health, but it comes with a tendency to... be kinda weird about some of his rivals' injuries. either by downplaying them, suggesting they're not really a thing at all, or by exhibiting what skews dangerously close to schadenfreude. idk the misconception here is just... having him be straightforwardly principled.... like he's not, he's self-centred enough he does sometimes struggle to like. consider stuff outside of his bubble. and... well. sometimes he's a hypocrite

anyway. those were just the first five things I thought of. obviously these are all of a general theme... I basically think people make him way too boring. one-dimensional reliable character witness whose two character traits are 'neurotic' and 'hater'. if you talk about him like that, then at the end of the day you're probably not really that interested in him lol. which is fine! but. well. idk man. personally I do think he's more interesting than that

[britneyshakespeare]

The reason charcoal is superior to graphite is because it's the more tactile medium. I mean when it comes to blending volume into shapes and feeling outlines it's literally hands-on (if you want it to be... and I do). If I go over with a graphite pencil an eye or a nose or a mouth or a forehead a million times, it looks like complete shit. If I do in with charcoal, it still looks like complete shit but it IS progress, AND it's more forgiving. The parts of it that look a mess will be more easily hidden once the technical details are figured out. So you can have a great start look like complete shit and have it not be at all discouraging, when holy crap if I made this mess on a piece of paper with graphite I'd be weeping about how hopeless it is.

I love drawing in charcoal because when you're in the beginning of a work, instead of looking like something reasonable it's perfectly acceptable and natural for them to look like this

[sandyca5tle]

Slime HRT - 22 Months

Slime time again, and the goo keeps gooing.

General update on slime-ification - I’ve only got bones in my head left! All my musculature and squishy bits have dissolved now, so I’ve just got a skull floating in my goo. I noticed that all this dissolving happened way quicker than it had previously, which I’m guessing is due to my acid helping to break things down

I have to say, having your spine dissolve is very painful, turns out all those nerves do not enjoy being eaten away by acid/medicine. Additionally, having all those nerves change caused me to have various movement and coordination issues - I spend quite a bit of time over these past four months as a puddle of goo, just about able to shuffle towards food, which honestly sucked, not having proper control over my body is the exact opposite of what I want. Obviously there were moments when it was fine, and I was able to do things normally, but even then the pain typically persisted in the background.

One benefit has been that, since my spine fully dissolved, I’ve felt more in control of my body than ever, and while that might just be in contrast to having less-to-no control recently, I think I have actually improved. Some of my fine motor skills that I lost in the early stages have returned, and I can perform finer manipulations of and with my slime, and I just feel more connected to my body now, which is very neat.

I’ve been working under the assumption that my brain is still inside my skull, as I’ve heard you know when that goes, plus if I move my skull around I can get a little dizzy, so I’m pretty sure it’s still in there. On that note, yeah, I can move my skull around my body, since it’s the only part that isn’t goo, so there’s nothing really holding it in place. In theory I could take it out of my body, but I don’t wanna try that as I’m honestly afraid that could kill me (I think a lot of the lack of control while my spine was dissolving was due to the lack of connection to my brain to hold myself together while the nervous connections reconfigured to be slime), so for now I’ve got the neat party trick of being able to move my skull around my body.

Of course with all my fleshy bits melting away, I’ve had some interesting experiences with my senses and similar things. The first thing I’ll run through is eyesight - I didn’t have great eyesight before, but I found my eyesight slowly deteriorating which, especially combined with the struggle to remain coalesced from my spine degrading, was pretty terrifying. The only thing that kept me somewhat calm was being fairly certain that, as with my lungs, my body would learn to replicate the function of the organ. Fun fact - slimes don’t naturally have eyes, so when I lost my eyesight, it didn’t naturally come back. I sat for a decent while waiting in blackness, waiting for it to come back, much like I’d started absorbing air through my slime with my lungs, but it simply didn’t. The only reason I can see now is ‘cause I kinda just made it happen. I figured that even if it didn’t automatically happen, my body still had absorbed the organ, so it should be able to replicate its function, so I shaped myself some eyes, playing around with them until eventually I was able to see again. It seems short written out, but I was at this at least a good few hours, trying to work out how to replicate an eye - fortunately, it does seem like there’s at least an instinctive part of my new body that can help fill in gaps, so I didn’t have to consciously replicate every fine detail of an eye. 

I do have to say, it took me a while to fine tune everything, started off with it being all very blurry and desaturated, but I eventually found where I was before, and actually, once I took my glasses off, I was able to correct my eyesight altogether. I do wonder if I can go even further, but with the experience so fresh in my mind, I’d rather my body get used to having eyes again as a default before I mess around more. Despite 20/20 vision being very nice, it is a little sad for me to no longer need my glasses, I’d gotten used to them, and it’s kinda a shame to see them go. 

I do have to add, weird thing about slime eyes, since it’s all really just my slime seeing, I don’t need any depth to my eyes, frankly I don’t even need ‘eyes’ in the traditional sense - any part of my slime can see, I just have to choose to see from there and I can, so my eyes are just kinda indents in my face so that people have a reference point as to where I’m looking from. At some point I’ll mess around with additional eyes, but as before, I wanna make sure I don’t accidentally blind myself again.

Taste and smell are a pair that I’ll group together, since they’re linked in both humans and slimes anyways. Naturally, much like with my sight, I slowly lost both of them as the responsible parts were consumed by my slime, rendering me unable to taste or smell for a while. Honestly, compared to sight, this wasn’t such a bad loss - made meals very uninteresting for a while, but aside from that it was easy enough to work with. Honestly, I’m not sure I ever really got them back properly, despite trying, I was never able to force them back into being like I did with my sense of sight. One day I did begin to taste again I noticed, although I also noticed it had definitely changed. For one, I can kind of switch it on or off, and for another I can now taste anything I eat, regardless of if I put it in my mouth, or just absorb it. It’s neat, and also definitely adds to the lack of distinction between differently shaped parts of my body - my mouth doesn’t do anything special with regards to eating, it’s just habit to eat through there, I can eat, and taste, just as well through any part of my body.

Smell however hasn’t come back, well at least, not really in a human sense - I can ‘smell’ things, but it’s more like tasting the air, rather than actually smelling. I’m guessing it’s because I don’t have to breathe any more, so I’m not inhaling the particles, instead, I simply absorb them passively as I move around. Of course, since this is now tied to my taste, turning that off stops me from smelling, so I’ve been trying to find a middle ground where I don’t taste things all the time/don’t taste things I don’t wanna, but can still smell - haven’t quite found the sweet spot yet.

On the topic of the mouth becoming redundant as a defined part of my body, I also lost my voice once my vocal chords were subsumed. These, fortunately, were the easiest to restore, or at least achieve the same function, simply by vibrating my slime to produce sound. It took me a little while to work out how to do this, but given the amount of time I’ve spent learning how to shape my slime, it wasn’t too hard. I have to concede that at first it was very wet and gurgly sounding, but I spent time working to refine it, and now it sounds much better. The slightly funky part is that it does sound different to my old voice… which I’m not sure how to feel about - I wasn’t overly fond of my voice before but it was familiar, and suddenly having a new voice is weird - I’m still adjusting it to find a voice that’s overall closer to what I had before, but I am having fun playing around with it a little. Oh, and of course, as with tasting, since I can do this from anywhere on my body, again, the ‘speciality’ of my mouth is kind of redundant, it’s just simply a shape on my body which is familiar and a hangover from my time as a human.

Surprisingly, my hearing hasn’t been affected yet, not even sounding like I’m underwater - I’m guessing that since bones go last, my ear bones and all that haven’t gone yet… and that maybe my slime is acting in place of my eardrum, assuming that that has also been absorbed. I’m guessing that that’s gonna go at some point over the next few months.

As for the rest of what’s been going on, I’ve continued to try to practise controlling my acidity, and I’ve gotten a little better, I’m able to make portions of my body neutral pretty easily now, buuut if I stop focusing it immediately returns to acid, not to mention it’s only parts at a time. I did get a suggestion about using air pockets to produce safe areas within myself to store objects - kinda a fly in amber situation (y’know, since I’m literally sap) - which has been useful, although since I don’t breath anymore, providing the air has been a little difficult, but I worked out how to move air around with my slime so I can blow on things now, as well as make the pockets. Still gonna focus on my acidity control, but until I’ve got that down, I’ve got a good work around!

On the shaping front, I've added a few new features to my form. First, I gave myself horns, and made my ears kinda aquatic looking, kinda like fins, but ears, like merpeople are sometimes depicted with. Neither of these particularly do anything, but I like how they look. On the more ‘functional’ side I shaped myself a pair of cat ears, and some big ol’ dragon wings on my back, of course all made from slime. I put the ‘functional’ in quotation marks since neither really work for their intended function, so they’re also only decorative at this time, but I’m hoping I can get them to work eventually. The cat ears don’t work since I’m pretty sure I’m still reliant on my human hearing system which doesn’t connected to cat ears on the top of my head (unlike my fin-ears which just replaced/were reshaped from my old ears) and I haven’t worked out how to fly with the wings yet - and I’m honestly not sure if my slime will let me, gonna have to experiment more with them.

On top of all of these, and combined with having had a lot of issues holding my humanoid form over the past few months, I’ve actually been experimenting with a sort of slime ball form. It’s very nice, small, and definitely adds to my feeling of ‘slimeness’, plus it’s a form that fits my skull pragmatically and aesthetically (main reason i haven’t shrunk my humanoid form is ‘cause i’d have to keep my head approximated the same size to house my skull, which’d lead to weird proportions). Only issue is, while the hopping isn’t exhausting (no need to breathe and no muscles means exertion isn’t as bothersome) it does kinda rattle my skull, and therefore brain, around which makes me a little dizzy. 

Kinda can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t wait for my brain to go and leave me fully slime, it’s gonna be so awesome!

See y’all next time! Goobye! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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@calliecwrites, @friedsputnik, @now-entering-the-goop-zone, @scrubbinn, @lilacinthefog, @mint-and-authoress, @losttodreams, @redroversendjayover, @ariathelamia, @kanithedemoncat, @copperweave

[monetmightexist]

Misclicktober Day 1 -- Crossover

Qsmp x Genshin Impact (HEAR ME TF OUT CHAT )

okokok i will admit i did totally start early because i got immediate motivation and ideas which does not happen often- and initially i was just gonna like. idk, outfit swap haikaveh (genshin ship) and slimeriana but alhaitham's outfit was too detailed for my liking so i just made them their own designs!!

and then i got rlly carried away for the next few days as my brain slowly deteriorated (i hadn't gone outside in a week, my will to continue with this strange AU faded after I took a walk) and uhh..

A lot of rambling (I tried to make it coherent for anyone who doesn't play genshin) and other little drawings beneath the cut !!

Charlie comes from Mondstadt (based off germany, thought it would be the closest fit, they also really like wine there so charlie can still be an alchoholic lmao !!), and like quite a few others there, he is a bard! His element is dendro, mostly just for the sake of it being green lmaoo-

Then, Mariana comes from Natlan (based on the Aztecs, and I believe q!Mariana is an Aztec god of some kind?). I haven't thought much about his character ngl.. I have a bit of a theory, based on the small amount of info I know about Natlan, that no one except the archon is supposed to be able to weild pyro, but... idk, maybe Mariana used to be the archon? They don't have to die to be replaced in Natlan, just defeated in battle, from what I've gathered. It could also be a reason why he leaves Natlan (no one from there ever leaves, for the sake of some kind of tradition that i forgor), to avoid embarassment or something. idk man. (i say "idk" a lot in this help)

ANYWAYS.

Mariana has shit defense and health, so he desperately need someone to keep him alive. Meaning he greatly depends on Charlie, the only person willing to travel around with and take care of him.

Just one issue: Charlie is a nuisance.

...theyre in love trust.

(jaiden as aether in the background, just because she's played genshin before and i had a premade design to go off of- theres also a very specific npc couple in the fontaine story that gave me CRAZY misclick duo vibes (aka in denial about being a couple, arguing, everyone thinks their using their jobs as a cover for being a couple, they don't want to be seen together in news stories n stuff even though they're work partners-) that i felt the need to mention)

When Charlie does actually end up agreeing to heal Mariana's dying ass, worry not, for he still finds the best ways to be annoying!

I actually came up with the concept of his elemental skill--similar to Barbara, a hydro healer, he would play his lyre and sing, summoning a bunch of little slimes (not elemental ones of any kind, they may have some dendro effects, but they're not actual dendro slimes or anything- if that makes sense-) that latch onto the person's injuries and heal them up !! when health is full, maybe they move to attack enemies or somethin' idk lol

And, speaking of like.. abilities n stuff, I feel like Mariana would have a burst not too different from Diluc's, making big ass wings out of fire or something

annyywayyyss, lets take a look at the rest of the family, yeah??

(i tried to make sunny's hair like.. these little star poms that i found on tiktok but i think i failed miserably HELPP)

We know almost nothing about Snezhnya, but I really think Juanaflippa would be from there, becuase- well-

One of the NPCs, Katheryne, who does a nurse joy kinda thing and is magically at every city at once, we end up finding out is from Snezhnya, and isn't an actual person. She's a bionic puppet that can be recreated. I figured that, maybe, Codeflippa could be some form of a prototype, copying the form of another human being. Why they would chose Flippa for this, I have absolutely no idea, but uh.. Yep !!

Juana would eventually flee from Snezhnya, taking Sunny with her, and I'd imagine that in her effort to protect her younger sister, she would end up gaining an Anemo vision! (She needs to control air currents, it's a necessity to me. She must become the coolest backflipper ever.)

Later on, I'd imagine that Sunny would gain a Geo vision. Her and Navia would probably be best friends.

also i just-

they'd have fun with bombs. juana would absolutely adore klee, and vice versa. mass destruction ensues in mondstadt.

I've never drawn like any genshin character before, they're all SO CONVOLUTED but I felt the urge to have the misclick kiddos interact with the House of the Hearth because I fcusking LOVE THESE FATUI GUYS HSKJNCKS sunny would love lyney and lynette's magic shows, i feel like juana and lynette.. they'd probably be able to trauma bond or something, then.. I think Freminet would probably find Pepito at the bottom of the sea while diving, idk. I wanna make Pepito a melusine (species kinda similar to like, zora from legend of zelda, but they know almost nothing of human culture) for some reason..

Arlecchino would not fw Charlie or Mariana at all, only reason she's here is so that she can keep watch of her children

if you actually read allat, 1) that was almost 1k words, and 2) we're gonna get married. i'm proposing rn. on one knee. ring in hand. congrats. :)

[demvalhaken]

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! Just some super cool arts

If I EVER had the patience to write and draw the Catecis comic, it’d look like this

This is just a grasshopper sailor out on the Waspian port

I was thinking about naming him Sir. Irian like the Iris flower. The thing is I have to differentiate him from Iris, a male monarch Butterfly across the entire world. Or Sir. Astroway as his last name is Astroway due to his sailor family using stars as a way to travel.

About my long break: Look guys, I haven’t been doing well mentally. I am in a depressive state, I am sleep deprived, I am done with life. To draw so much and pour your time and skill into an artwork only for a few likes can be frustrating. I don’t post my art for fame or love, I do it to share my ocs and ideas, I don’t want the masses to flock, I just want recognition for my work. I didn’t really mean to take a break, I get distracted very easily and forget to post. I wish I could post more but art takes time, I have to develop ideas and passion due to my constant art block and burnout. The only good thing in my life is just being alive. There is a large scar on my neck because I gave myself a friction burn with my lanyard at school due to anxiety :( I have mental problems, whatever I have, it isn’t good and will probably slowly deteriorate me to a depressive glob of my former self, but I will never get diagnosed. My family is constantly angry at me for no reason, I get that my clean obsessed behaviour can get annoying especially when I panic and get water everywhere, but I hate to be yelled at for something that I cannot control or fix. They say I am overreacting and will got over it, but I’ve tried, there is no fixing this. That’s why I’ll probably never ever get a diagnosis or therapy session. I lied, I am actually not as okay as I say I am. If I ever don’t post for a period time, please know that it’s either from lack of art or mental issues. I am sorry for not posting in awhile as my usual breaks take a time of 3 days or 2. I am deeply sorry.

Bevel, Snow, and Berry.

I drew these in my math book, very classic place to doodle, I know. There’s not a lot of doodles in my book though, I am usually trying to do equations and get an 100 on my test

I finally got a haircut, though my hair is now a short messy thing, I feel quite confident even if I don’t fully look masculine. My arm hair should be quite an indicator and the trans pin inside my backpack, haha! That pin was made by a friend of mine, don’t worry he’s very fruity and slay. Idk if it’s just my senses but my hairdresser was definitely an ally, he slayed, my hair is hairing. Also I have giant eyebags and a cowlick, like I literally have Dem’s cowlick.

Here’s some more little oc ideas. Eclipse is my first transfem oc, I know I know I’m slaying. She’s has a twin sister, Luna! Yes, Eclipse and Luna are Hornet twins, from the same egg btw. I still don’t know how it works, I’m too tired to research though. Arctic and Viper are a married couple, I like to think Arctic is just a lesbian and her/his wife is a crazy queen with schizophrenia who totally didn’t kill her family. They’re both from Bloodlust’s time period, though a little older.

I don’t want to talk about it… This is really gross but because Snow’s family wanted to keep the bloodline “pure” she’s SHORT and albino but like literally no one else in her family is albino… poor Snow… GUYS DONT MARRY YOUR SIBLINGS AND COUSINS… Bevel transmasc headcannon, I’m not making it cannon yet because Bevel is a lesbian.

Layze, Funkyfrogbait, and Bevel with one tooth

@purpledemonss asked for this minus Bevel, that was my idea

OKAY I LOVE YOU GUYS SM, EAT THIS UP, STAY A MENACE TO SOCIETY JUST DONT EAT LEATHER UNLESS YOU ARE DEATHLY STARVED

[starmuselove]

BAE JINYOUNG LEAVING CIX

𝕯𝖆𝖙𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌: 7 𝕬𝖚𝖌 2024

𝕯𝖊���𝖐𝖘 𝖚𝖘𝖊𝖉: 𝕽𝖆𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝖂𝖆𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝕿𝖆𝖗𝖔𝖙.

𝕯𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖗:

The contents below might be not accurate because of how tarot works, it's not a fact. And energies, mindsets change over the time, so I advise you to take it with a grain of salt. I am not responsible for upholding the accuracy of this reading. Take it as entertainment and not the absolute truth.

ᴡʜʏ ᴅɪᴅ ʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ᴄɪx?

The Magician R, 9oP, The World R , 5oP, 3oW.

He might've been disappointed with how this whole project turned out for him. He did not have material abundance at all! He probably felt very unstable, stagnant- it was especially not going where he wanted to go. Feeling frustrated and like a doll being used to attract a crowd. He wasn't learning stuffs he's supposed to know about to expand his horizons. That's why he could've felt stuck, like a big fish in a small pond-out of place, a sense of not belonging where he was; particularly in life. He knew he had so many opportunities and better things to do and explore. He could also maybe felt like he was losing his previous knowledge/acquaintances, almost waning of his talents. All in all he didn't feel like he was in his power and not an optimal version of what he could do and could be. He simply gotten enough of this restricting situation that only seemed to go towards his deterioration of skills and resources- mentally and physically.

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏᴇꜱ ʜᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ɴᴏᴡ?

3oS, Death, The Magician R, Knight of Pentacles R. Knight of Cups.

He does not feel happy with how things have turned out regarding the situation/company. He might feel a bit directionless or unable to decide what he has to do now. I think he might be a bit guilty for leaving someone behind (I'm getting maybe one member of the group in particular?). What's done been done so he's currently leaving the heartbreak and pain behind and turning anew. He's evaluating his resources now so I think he might take a little break to figure things out, weigh out his plans and options on what he's gonna do. Tbh I think he's gonna relax and take his time enjoy his new freedom to ground himself first. He might have few friends like staffs that could be by his side to give him possible pointers where he could go towards.

Even though he is not happy about this, I see him having hope of him finally going towards what he wants to do, what his heart always wanted. I do think he does have few people in the industry to direct him. He's not in any type of hurry to write his new chapter.

ᴀɴʏ ᴍᴇꜱꜱᴀɢᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ꜰᴀɴꜱ?

King of Cups R, 10oW, King of Swords R. Re-evaluate.

Wow, is he usually very direct? His tolerance meter is out and drained!! He's like- don't let anyone control and bully you what you don't wanna do. Don't succumb to abusive power. You are the one who will suffer the most rather than the higher ups or the ones in power- if you lose your spark, if you keep on adjusting and adding on more burdens to yourself. It will really not get you anywhere and you could get stuck between a rock and a hard place. He's literally flat out saying leave the toxic ass places, places you don't deserve to be in, situations you don't deserve to be standing in, with people you don't want to be with. Leave it all and go towards a better companionship and places. Occasionally do re-evaluate what you actually want and what are your priorities.

This reminds me of the song lyrics:

I'm on some new shit

I'm chucking up my deuces up to her, Deuces

I'm moving on to somethin' better, better, better

No more tryna make it work, Deuces

You made me wanna say bye-bye.

<Obv not gonna include the song cause we don't support domestic violence abusers in here>

[magnificent-swager06]

Heres some of my DTT headcanons (pyscho addition.)

some of these may or may not be a stretch, but i do try to include some canon reasoning, take in mind i only looked at the info i can find ingame, like the lobby posters or the encyclopedia, any info outside the game is unknown to me.

Also this bunch of headcaons for pyscho will sound like im absolutely a freak, i am in fact not. Be warned its very detailed in heavy descriptions of impending insanity a bit of murderous stuff.

NEW HIRE PYSCHO:

[new hire pyschos skin to me definitely looked just slightly saner when i first looked at his face, he just didn't seem that crazy to me... Hell i think his expression looks a little confident and a tad arrogant...

I like to think it was because in the first time in a while, Pyscho actually got a breath of solid fresh air, after he'd been (canonically) put in coal digging duties one too many times during his old locomotives engineering job. it wasn't really specified how long he'd been going out on a joy ride on the modified train he took, but id say it was probably a few months in my brain...

in short i think he wasn't actually too crazy when he first joined DTT, but i think only after he Joined DTT did his sanity start to deteriorate, since it wasn't specified whether he had killed at all at his old job, and happened to just happened to konw how to use a shotgun purely for self defense,

I think deep down he still held HEAVY resentment to his old job for wasting his skills, so as an even worse copping mechanism he turns "to defending the train..." Which involves eliminating the intruders who try to take cargo or passengers and such, Pyscho slowly started to revile in morbidly imagining those enemies as the people who reduced him into a coal digger, his natural skill with the shotgun made it easier for him to enact this not so guilty pleasure, his addiction his morbid and murderous thoughts literally show on his face, contorting into the unhinged freak you see today.]

[ok, geez that sounded heavy, so on a much lighter note, i like think in his childhood he had a love for toy trains and military toy guns growing up, especially the missiles, because he thought explosions are awesome.]

[but back to the angst, before pyscho joined DTT he used to have a lot of scars everywhere in his body, that was until Medic went and healed all of pyschos wounds, not a scratch in sight.. a small part of pyscho felt a little sad about it, but overall he was pretty stoked, that his body didn't constantly ached so much anymore, unlike the Gunslinger who saw those scars more as a souvenir or a trophy.]

[despite Pyscho being out of his old job, he still had a habit of drinking soda rather than water, despite it now being more readily available in DTT, (in pyschos old job there was a drink vending Machine that didn't have water for some goddamn reason) old habits die hard huh?]

[when pyscho found DTT that was because he literally crashed his train onto the lobby, but before some of the DTT crew at the time went in and gunned pyscho down Vanessa tells them to cease fire, looking at the crashed train and its modificationss, she realized pyschos potential, in being an engineer...or the fact she was getting more trouble lay with deliverys failing because of her trains lack of durability at the time, anf she desperately needed more offensive defense... So in classic DTT fasion she done and offered pyscho a job much to everybody elses dismay about the mess.]

CURRENT PYSCHO:

[Modern day pyscho.... Yeah he's pretty damn crazy, its easy to dehumanized the poor guy because of how he is on the job at defending the teain, but that isn't obviously his only job, he just defends the train because he insisted on it.

His true joy in working in DTT was obviously during his time with the red steel engineers whenever they make upgrades to the train, making his method of attaching missiles to the train, sensors, Detecting incoming enemies, and adding steel coating and such... His work with the red engineers is one of the few he ever became his old self again way before everything, always having a genuine smile in his face, his constant twitching was next to none, and oh boy did he absolutely adore teaching newbie engineers, even if they are unnerved by him...but- he trys his best as much as he lived explosives, he loved igniting the passion in both himself and other engineers like himself....

Like truly... it makes him so happy with childlike wonder. ]

[immediately after actually starting to work for DTT he explicitly demanded, NO COAL DIGGING. hes so goddamn sick of it, sometimes literally, with the brain damage and all, Vanessa seemed to agree after she sent him there once not knowing that information yet, safe to say he came back worse, and his defending of the train was lackluster and sluggish... but he did get the job done, at the very least Vanessa puts his coal digging close to none if she can help it.]

[during those times in the train where it just so happens no intruders came to attack, Pyscho whips out his banjo and plays a nice tune... But over time it started to get harder playing the instrument, his constant firing of his shotgun along with the constant digging of his old job had made pyschos hands constantly trembling, not even Medics heal gun can save it, he could at least calm most of it down when he's not stressed, he can still play a few simple tunes on the banjo at least.]

[pyscho buys would buy these goddamn freakishly surgery sodas off the dark web or something, that stuff cannot be good for you.]

[this one's more of a crack headcanon, but pyschos probably had diabetes form all that freakishly radioactive soda, he just never noticed it because Medics heal gun heals off the diabetes away before Pyscho could notice anything, just for him to inevitably get it again.]

[pyschos takes being called incapable or stupid more personally then one might think, while he doesn't lash out or anything, you will notice him getting ever so slightly more twitchy and shaky... As well as his tone getting just a tad more sarcastic and generally more "psychotic" looking while doing his work bette rjust to spite people.]

[pyschos relationship with Medic goes as follows he first was paranoid of Medics heal gun and is absolutely suspicious about him before the first time he got shot on the train,where medic healed him. And felt all the pain go away in an instant... Since then he literally trust Medic with his life, he always kept pyscho in check, watching over him the most whenever he gets too unstable... Pyscho returns the favor by body blocking him, like tf2 medics uber position, Pyscho in front Medic at back, firing at pyscho like a meat shield who lets himself take the majority of the pain... Pyscho finds Medic comforting, although not in the mental or emotional sence, unfortunately Medic isn't so sympathetic for pyscho, occasionally treating him like hes stupid for hurting himself alot, since hes always so preoccupied with medical work but Medic those get around and trears pyscho like an equal, hell they even just relax to pyscho playing the banjo sometimes.]

[pyschos relationship with Gunslinger was more like a semi conpetative rivals to brothers at arms, it started out with Gunslinger seeing pyscho as an absolutely reckless nut job, who just fires wildly like an idiot.... Until he kept nothing how pyscho was getting the job done, he quickly realized pyscho was deliberately aiming at vehicles tires or or vulnerable engines, he started to like pyscho for his fighting methods, gunslinger since acted to spark rivaly with pyscho, with sarcastic comments like "you cant do shot Bandit qweens engine open can you?" or "i bet you csnt jump onto that helicopter and grab that mini gun" to which pyscho promty proved he can out of SPITE. pyscho pyscho catch on to gunslingers competitive antics and thise the same comments with him, since then their like annoying siblings in an professional environment, always covering each others weaknesses]

===========================================

Welp thats about it for pyscho, headcanons i do hope you like it, its alright if ya dont agree, can ya tall me your headcanons though? I'd like to indulge.

[fayrinferno]

Shower Thoughts on AI Art

I think my aversion to AI art is not a secret and there's ton of posts that I agree with and I could not have put better. Still, I will try to collect a few thoughts of why it's so shitty and depressing for me. No, it's not even because I draw and write a little and I feel threatened by it and the art theft it entails (at my level I just don't). This is more of a consumer standpoint.

AI art for me is like watering down the same teabag 20 times, yeah, you got the ingredients correct and you got some result out of it. But is it still tea? Anyway, you don't care, you water it down the 21st time and the water doesn't even color, so what now? You figure out you just need to put some artificial colorant into hot water and you can call it a tea. Like they do it in the food adverts. Replacing actual food with delicious-looking chemicals. You can make so many cups of tea-looking liquid with just one tiny bit of colorant. You can skip the whole growing the plant, picking the leaves, drying them and whatnot, even something as minor as unpacking the teabag each time... and you get a nice looking cup of tea without all the effort! It's easier, quicker, cheaper. People will eventually get used to the new definition of tea. Except it's poison.

But before you even started slowly poisoning people with it, you devaluated what tea should be. You watered it down till all the taste disappeared and it became colored water that you could replace with... well, colored water.

You can pop these "works" out like microwave popcorn. You can post 20 of them online in an hour. You and everyone else. You are making trash out of a rare and precious good, to be sold at dumping price. In all human history, people who created masterpieces had honed their skills for months, years, and enjoyed the respect of people, sometimes good money (or at least some of them did; more deserved it). Even those who would create forgeries of their work had to train for years to be able to do that. You will just render that effort useless, stupid, laughable. So why should anyone bother and waste their time, train for years, and yet beggar themselves with a worthless trade? The pool of talent will get smaller and skills will deteriorate so I wonder what would the AI feed upon then? Upon itself? Or will it just rehash endlessly what was created before this cursed decade?

And so, we're quickly getting to the poison point. If something is not done to limit it, AI will stop making those dumb mistakes it does now. You will no longer be able to identify it, discern it from human-made art, from real photos, videos. You will be able to not only create flawless masterpieces; you will render your own reality. Manipulating the masses will become even easier than it is right now.

And this is happening to art, you know, the thing that always had our backs and souls in time of crisis. Like the one that is already here. Instead of helping with the crisis, helping us to better lives, AI targets one of the last pillars of hope. One that should inspire us to imagine a better world.

When I saw an amazing piece of art, I used to feel admiration and inspiration, imagining the mind, talent, skill, effort, training, time, energy, emotion that went to it. The artwork itself was just the tip of the iceberg. Now, I squint at it like, AI or not? I will never trust a newcomer artist again. Digital art makes many things easier already, that can't be denied. Combined with AI, it will just make creating great artwork laughably easy. Even if it IS an artist that has (and is willing to train and use) some skill, AI can make it so much easier for them. Soon, there will be no telling between a real artist and a total hack. I can look at the artwork and even like what I see, but guess I will never feel that genuine wonder, genuine emotion again. Maybe I'll only find those feelings in the galleries. I will only trust the artist of ye olde, before 2023, who I know could create those amazing things with their own skills. And same goes for writers, I assume. Luckily, there are tons of human-made writing I still haven't read, human-made art I haven't enjoyed. If I can't find something to entertain, I still can create something to entertain myself. I'll find and pick the herbs myself, dry them, make an infusion. But I know I won't have to resort to poison laced with theft.

tl;dr I'll never support something that ruins human motivation to create. Because that leaves us only the other human thing, which is the opposite.

[mixed-theater-faisty-tings]

Infinitely Jealous

Conrad Request

A/N:HIII!!! I KNOW I HAVEN'T POSTED IN AGES I'VE REALLY MISSED IT. WITH THE NEW SEASON OF THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY I FELT A SMALL SPARK OF INSPIRATION AND GOT THIS REQUEST FROM @shqtteredcrystql1. NOW BEAR WITH ME MY WRITING SKILLS HAVE DETERIORATED A BIT SINCE I LAST POSTED AND I'M STILL WORKING ON MY SMUT WRITING SPOILER ALERT. I AM OPEN TO FEEDBACK OR EVEN ADVICE. I AM TYRING TO WRITE MORE WHEN I CAN I JSUT NEVER WANNA GIVE HALF BAKED IDEAS. OKAY I WILL STOP BABBLING ENJOY!

P.S please don't hurt me for using Conrad and Belly's infinity for this I just love the concept. okay thank you.

Warnings: Explicit language, smut, cheesy lol, Teen Drinking, Protected sex.

word count: 3.2k roughly

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Masterlist

Requests

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Y/N POV 

The stench of alcohol fills my nose as drunken teenagers dance the night away with whatever is in their system. I came to this stupid beach party with Conrad and Jeremiah who both ran off to do god knows what not that this was a new occurrence.

Jere has always attracted girls like moths to light meanwhile Conrad ventures off to do whatever he does and if someone happens to join them he won't push them off so long as they don't try to actually get to know him least that is how he has been the last few summers. 

They started bringing me here with them 7 years ago when we met. I've always been closer with Conrad. Jeremiah had Belly and Conrad had me though you never want to go to boardwalk with the four of us unless you're wanting some quality entertainment.

The Fisher boys always know how to have fun the Conklin's and I can never say no even if it means coming to a dumb beach bonfire. I'd go anywhere with Conrad it's been that way since we met this includes an impromptu trip to the other side of the country to attend a Universal Studios Horrors night as my birthday present. 

We were grounded for 2 months after that one but it was worth any time with him was. He'll only ever see me as his best friend though he has made that crystal clear he's been in touch with this Deb he met last summer "Nicole", they've just been talking but it seems like they could be more this summer or just a casual summer fling of convenience. Maybe this summer I'll find my fling.

"Hey don't think I've ever seen you around here?", a voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "Huh?",  I connect with brown eyes belonging to someone tall, dark skinned, curly dark hair and muscular. "I said I've never seen you around here.", he repeats himself. "Funny because I've come here every summer for the last 7 years." a laugh decorates my words with a hint of sarcasm.

"Oh yeah?  Which house is yours?", he plays along. "First of all creepy and second I'm a guest with the Fisher's.", I giggle. "Ah great guys always fun at a party." his attitude changes from interested to standoffish. "We are just friends all of us.", I smile kindly. "Good to know..care for a drink?", he extends his hand to me with a kind smile. 

"Sure why not.", I take his hand. "I'm Lucas.". "Y/N.". "And I'm Conrad glad we got the introductions out of the way now let's get beer.", my best friend pops up out of nowhere. "Uh okay sure I'll be right back.", Lucas runs off wearing a confused expression. "What are you doing?", I hiss at the brown-haired boy. 

"Hanging with my best bud what do you mean.", he slings his arm around my shoulder with a smirk planted on his lips...his lips..focus. "No why you're doing is ruining a potential new friend.", a stern tone clutches onto my words. "Friend huh? Yeah sure whatever.", he scoffs. "Go makeup with Red Sox girl some more.", I roll my eyes pushing his arm off of me. I knew it was Nicole but saying her name out loud stung.

"Jealous?", I don't have to look at him to know a sly look sits on his face. "As if. Have I ever been jealous of the girls you've dated?", my arms sit crossed just beneath my chest. "I'm sure you have been.". "Check your ego bro.", I turn to walk away when he says, "I have you to keep me humble don't I?", a chuckle follows. 

"Whatever I'll see you later.", the sand envelops my feet treading to find Lucas. "Y/N over here!", a voice calls me over belonging to Lucas over by the fire. "Your bodyguard still with you?", he asks when I finally make it over to him. "Funny uh no I gave him the night off.", I smile. "Good to know.", he playfully bumps my shoulder handing me a beer can unopened. 

"So do you come here just for summer or do you experience Cousins in all four seasons?", I ask. He takes a seat in the sand waiting for me to join him before answering. "I actually go to boarding school so I experience a little bit of all four seasons on holiday assuming I don't run off to Mexico for Christmas or spring break.", he laughs. "You don't seem the other spoiled boarding school brats we run into here.", confusion swirls in my head. 

"I mean would you prefer for me to? Ugh my parents shipping me off to some lame ass boarding school with their credit card knowing I have a trust fund to carry me for the rest of my life even though I'll probably blow it on some stupid shit as soon as I'm 25.", his tone becomes snarky, and attitude narcissistic quickly replaced by the charming side once more. 

"Entertaining I will say but not my vibe.", a laugh escapes my lips. "Good cause that's not who I am.", he chuckles joins the air. We spend the time talking soon leaving the fire to walk along the beach taking about just how different our lives are. He was good company, but I kept thinking about Conrad and what he was doing, who he was with, why he wasn't with me. 

Yes, I know I basically told him fuck off but it's not like he ever listens he's my best friend and he knows y/n speak by now. Conrad maybe smart enough to get into Brown but sometimes he needs a little push in the right direction. "Y/N are you listening?", Lucas jumps in front of me. My face drops into a frown feeling bad i hadn’t been pay attention.

"Y/N quick it's Conrad!", Steven yells. My feet carry me as fast as they can without getting caught in the sand back to the group of teens surrounding a fight with none other than my stupid best friend in the middle of it.

"Con! Quit being stupid!", I push my way through the crowd and try to pull him off the random dude. My attempt was moot until Jere finally stepped in and broke up the fight around the same time as sirens began sounding. 

"Cops!". The teens that once covered the beach dropped their drinks and scattered like cockroaches. "Y/N let's go grab some ice cream and I'll take you home.", Lucas grabs ahold of my hand gently tugging me away from the guys.

"Like hell you will.", Conrad pulls me towards him. "You don't own her man. She can come with me if she wants to.", the alluring guy I was talking to all night disappears taken over with frustration and anger.

"We brought her, we will take her home besides she just met you like I'd ever let her endanger herself like that. Besides your place isn’t her home. Mine is.”the brown hair boy mocks the curly haired boys statement. "I never said anything about my place quit putting words in my mouth".

 "Would both of you just shut up!.", my outburst took both of them aback. "Lucas I'll see you around. Conrad let's get your stupid ass home.", annoyance prominent in my voice as I drag them away from each other. "Give me the keys Conrad.", I hold out my hand. "Not a chance.", he pushes past me and gets in the drivers side of his sedan. 

"I can't fucking believe you.", his tone accusatory. "Believe me about what?". "That boarding school trust fund fuck boys are your type.", his hands grip the wheel tighter than normal meanwhile I completely lose it.

"And how the fuck would you know what my type is huh! You have never cared nor taken an interest in the guys I have talked to. God acting like my dad I don't need your protection okay I can take care of myself.", I can feel my cheeks turning hot with anger. 

"You are so wrapped up in your own world you don't even notice that I do care about who you are with. You deserve more than that jackass.", tension settles in the air, suddenly this car feels like a tiny box."All that guy wanted to do was hook up with you.",his voice was filled with a know it all tone.

"So what if that is what I wanted!", he is surprised by my response. "You don't wanna lose it to some random one night stand.". "And if I do?", I didn't but he didn't need to know that.

"I know you Y/N you want to lose it to someone you care about and you know cares about you.", his grips loosens. "Maybe it's just not meant for me.", I can't let my guard down. 

My eyes follow his hand as it leaves the wheel and lays flat against the skin between my thigh and knee. "Don't say that.", we finally pull into the driveway of the beach house quietly making our way in the house careful not to wake Laurel or Susannah. I make my way to the kitchen grabbing some powdered donuts from the pantry. 

"I wasn't trying to upset you..honestly. You're my best friend and I never want to hurt you but lately I just keep fucking up.", he follows me after Jere, Belly and Steven trot upstairs to their rooms. "It's fine Connie you were right I don't wanna lose my virginity to some dude I met on the beach at a lame party.", I avoid looking at him. 

"I wouldn't want that for you either.", a gentle tone takes over his voice. "You're not fucking up anything by the way I mean I'm still here aren't I?", I attempt to lighten the mood. "Surprisingly so.", he chuckles. "What's going on in that brilliant head of yours?", I finally bathe the strength to look at him without melting. 

The way the front pieces of his hair kind of flop in front of his eyes, he's constantly pushing them behind his ear mainly when he's nervous but he also refuses to cut it Susannah loves it. His brown eyes seep into mine without even trying encapsulating me in a daydream. 

"You...me...y/n you think I don't care who you date but I do.", a nervous Conrad is not something I don't see often or ever really. "Let's not have this conversation again please.", I beg. "I have feelings for you.", he blurts not looking me in the eye. "What?", I'm taken aback praying he said what I heard.

"I like you Y/N and I have since we met I'm just so screwed up and I didn't wanna drag you down with me especially with my mom. You're the only other person besides me who knows about my parents and they don't even know that I know.", the sound of the stool screeching against the floor as he stands up out of the chair echos string us both. 

"Con you're not screwed up..", I gently take his hands in mine connecting our eyes. "You just need to develop better communication skills.". "How's this for practice?", his body leans over mine slowly coming down to bring his lips to mine. 

Is this really happening? Am I about to kiss Conrad Fisher, I've only ever dreamed of this moment never anticipating the reality god don't let me mess this up please. The soft skin of his lips gently connect with him, his hands disconnecting from mine caressing my cheeks instead leaving my hand to go to his shoulders pulling him closer afraid to lose the moment. 

I've always felt safe around him but, here in this moment it was cloud nine times a million. I didn't want it to end but we had to breathe eventually. "So?". 

"Well ahem.. a kiss isn't communicating however you can take that as an I feel the same way..", I anxiously pull my bottom lip between my teeth. "I love how you do that when you're nervous.", a nervous laugh escapes his lips. "We should head up to bed it's getting late.", as much as I don't want to I pull away from his body, his warmth knowing he'll be different in the morning. 

"Stay with me tonight.", it comes off as a statement rather than a question making my heart jump with excitement. "Your mom would flip if she caught us in your room.", I raise a brow. "Not if she doesn't find out or I come up with a really good excuse as to why you were in my room, and my bed.", he keeps me close.

"I don't know Con.". "Please.". "Okay fine.". 

Pleased with my appliance to his wishes he leads us upstairs to his room carefully closing the door. After removing our shoes we lay in his bed facing each other, the light of the moon casting a light so bright I could see his whole face in the dark.

The soft touch of his hands push some hair behind my ear before pulling me into our second kiss of the evening. 

Without thinking I immediately kiss him back, our bodies manage to close any gap left between us in a matter of seconds the moment enclosing us in a world of our own. I pull back slightly we are still nose to nose but rarely any space is between us. 

With as much confidence as I could muster I whisper the words I've wanted to say for months, "I want it to be you.". He is slightly surprised by my statement but doesn't break our contact, a small smile daring to turn up the corner of his mouth. "Are you sure? That wasn't what I was trying to do not now.", the words are soft spoken. 

"I'm sure unless you don't want to?", my eyes search his for an ounce of rejection. "Believe me I want to I just don't want you to feel rushed or pressured.". Without another word my hand takes a hold of his guiding it from the softness of my legs up to rest on my hips slowly and ever so gently. "Please Connie." with that I connect our lips once more. 

He takes this as his green light deepening the kiss turning me onto my back so he can be onto careful not to crush me under him. My fingers dance under his shirt against his stomach and chest, he smiles into the kiss before moving to my neck tenderly nipping at the skin a gasp escaping my lips. 

"We have to be quiet baby.", he whispers into my ear sending shivers down my spine in the best way possible. We both sit up swiftly removing our shirts, he gently pecks my lips allowing himself to kiss down my jawline, neck and along my shoulders till his hands reach the clasp of my bra. 

"May I?", his breathe tickles my neck and I nod. The white lace is soon gone leaving my top half completely bare and exposed, to my own surprise I'm not as nervous as I'd thought I'd be but how can I be when it's him.

He begins to kiss from my shoulder back down my chest gently laying me back down before reaching my jeans. I can feel his fingers undo the button and zipper tugging the denim off my hips and down my legs. 

A cold breeze hit my sensitiveness causing me to shudder. One step further and my panties have fond the rest of the clothes on my the floor. His eyes meet mine again a smile plastered on his face before speaking in a hushed tone. "Okay I'm gonna be honest it does hurt the first time but I promise I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure that you are ready before then. Do you trust me baby?". 

"Of course I do.", I smile. 

Our lips attach themselves once more as his thumb begins to rub my bud an action responsible for my hips bucking up. "It's okay.Relax", he reassures me against my lips.

My mind goes foggy overcome by his touch, of course I've touch myself but his hands against my most sensitive part was a whole new feeling of pleasure I've had yet to explore. 

When he feels I'm ready he slides a finger inside pumping in and out slowly, our moans mix together in the air trying to remain quiet. "I'm going to add another okay?". "Okay.". I feel his index and and middle fingers sliding in and out of me a wave of pleasure washing over me. I kiss him to try and cover my moans a futile action as I end up moaning against his lips instead. 

"Fuck yes just like that.", my hips begin to grind against his fingers giving him confidence to speed up slightly. My stomach begins to tighten as my climax winds up, he plants soft kisses along my chest continuing his motions only heightening my moans. "You are so beautiful y/n.", his whisper causes butterflies to let loose in my stomach. 

"I think I'm ready Connie.", I couldn't hold back anymore. I wanted him, all of him more than anything in this moment. "I think so too.", all contact is taken away so he could remove his jeans but I can't help the whimper that leaves my lips at the loss. 

The moment stand still our eyes locked on one another taking in this sight of each others exposed state, emotionally and physically bare. I prayed he couldn't hear how loud my heart was beating I've wanted him for so long to be more than my best friend and here he is, here I am giving him my first an I wouldn't change a thing. 

"Do you have protection?", I ask. He nods before reaching into his drawer and pulling out a shiny gold foil, putting on the condom and hovering over me once more. "I want you to be mine.", the words fall graciously from his now swollen lips. "I am yours.", I'm quick to answer.

"No I mean I want us, you and me. Boyfriend and girlfriend. This isn't just a one time thing. Be mine? Please.", a vulnerable Conrad is a side we rarely see and only in his most emotional state thought I've always been his soft spot. "I've always been yours whether you knew it or not my love.", I don't blush at the statement instead I smile and plant a small kiss on his nose. 

"This may still hurt I'm gonna go slow and let me know when I can move okay?", his lips lower to mine. His tip rubbing against my clit earning a small moan. "Okay.", I force the one worded answer out. As he kisses me slowly his member enters me...holy shit...a stint of pain swells inside my body, "Please move Con.", I manage. 

The thrusts replace pain with bliss, his minty scent fills my olfactory nerves, the soft touch of his lips and hands dance along my skin with sweat glistening on us both.

"Fuck you feel good baby.", he's as breathless as I am. His hands grip my hips imprinting small marks on them while my nails dig into his shoulders and back my entire body buried in ecstasy. 

"More.", I beg. I can feel him smirk into my neck picking up his pace and pushing deeper into me causing my back to arch off the bed our chests colliding. "Oh god." I moan gripping his shoulders so tight my knuckles are white.

"You're okay we're almost there.",his words soothe me and I allow myself to fall back against the mattress. As if they have a mind of their own my hips being to move meeting his hurts with equal enthusiasm and energy. "Just like that.", he groans into my skin. 

The knot in my stomach grows and grows I'm toe curling close to my end as is he. His speed picks up, ours moans mix praying we don't wake anyone. Mass amounts of Conrads groans fill the air when I begin to clench around him neither of us could hold on any longer.

 A white haze clouds all my senses as my entire body shakes with my orgasm. I feel him finish with me both of us panting and completely gone for each other and the moment we just shared.

A few minutes pass allowing us to collect ourselves before he quickly jumps grabbing an old t-shirt to clean us up. His care is gently and appreciated as some soreness begins to settle between my legs. 

"So how was I?', my cheeks turn red as I ask. I grab his shirt off the floor and pull it over my head covering myself.  "Perfect.", his arms wrap around my body spooning me, comforting me in a way I've never known a person could.

"Thank you for being my first.", the words are spoken just above a whisper. "Just hope you don't regret it.", his body tenses nervously against my back a sadness coating his words. "I could never regret you Conrad not about this, and not about us...we're infinite.". 

"Infinite.". he repests. "I should probably go to mine and Belly's room before anyone gets suspicious.", I try to get up only to be pulled back by Conrad. "You aren't going anywhere. I told you I will find a great excuse as to why you were in here.", I giggle at his statement.

"And what about the clothes that covering the floor?", I cock an eyebrow at him. "I've been meaning to do laundry.", he answers. 

"That includes my panties?", I can't help but laugh. "They got mixed up?", he shrugs. "My boyfriend ladies and gentlemen the best liar.", we both erupt in a fit of laughter though it is short lived as my eyelids begin to droop closed.

"Goodnight Connie.", my whole body relaxes into his chest sleep taking over. 

"Goodnight my infinity.", him kissing my head is the last thing I remember before being swept away in sleep. 

Infinity.  

[softness-and-shattering]

I had a guy being obnoxious with "advice" and due to reasons I had to hunour him a little. He asks what I need for the house to be accessible. This one I can answer. I need a kitchen chair, I say.

"So can you buy a kitchen chair?"

And. I just sat there unable to compute the everything that that entails into a quick snippy sentence of a response.

In hindsight, do I technically possess all the skills necessary to buy myself a kitchen chair? Yes.

If it was the only thing I had to do. No feeding myself no changing clothes no showering no brushing my teeth no being conscious and minimally fatigued tomorrow. There are many things I can technically do, if all the stars and circumstance and disability lined up perfectly.

But Ive needed a kitchen chair for like 2 years now and the stars have never aligned in all that time so really the answer is no.

However this guy followed up on similar answerd with "ok, whats stopping you", as if I can give a succint answer for him to solve standing on one foot bc Im a completely lazy person who hasnt ever tried to solve my own problems. As if there *is* an easy succint answer. I mean there is, its "Im disabled" or a slightly more detailed "I have fatigue and chronic pain". Maybe I am a bit stupid because I cant easily conceptualise the barriers which means theyre harder to solve for and honestly Im ok with that. Im not ok with implication that its my personal failing, that Im lazy, that Im avoiding "just doing it", that if I cant explain the problem that defaults to it doesnt exist.

Disability is exhausting. Its draining. I imagine its somewhat comparable to what people call pregnancy brain, when the body is working so hard to support a growing fetus that the parent loses some of their ability to think and plan etc. Its a full body experience. You cant isolate x issue and y diagnosis and separate it all out neatly till all thats left is the functional self, we arent pieces of a wholw that way, we are the whole and we break down the experiences into different categories to better understand and treat. Solving for one condition helps the whole but its not that kind of math.

Hank Green in one of his cancer videos mentioned the new-to-him exhaustion of always being alert to how his body is feeling and then calculating whatz normal, whats abnormal, is it urgently worrying, is it worth talking to the dr asap, or worth keeping an eye or prbably nothing? Then you actually have to keep an eye on the thing. And you repeat this thought pattern multiple times a day, not from an unreasonable anxiety but because when youre very unwell its necessary to notice new clues and any potential deterioration. Youre already so unwell the last thing you need is a new surprise condition that wouldve been easier to deal with if you caught it six months earlier.

It is a more than full time job, and you never ever get to clock out for a second. Theres no holiday or weekend off from having a body. Theres no skiving off the job without serious repercussions of things getting out of control real fast. Theres resting. Theres dissociating and medicating but tbh theres always a consequence. Theres never do whatever you like forget your disability forget your constant mental symptom tracking, stop needing so much.

If someone says they cant do something, just believe them. Offer to help if you can. Dont treat thrm like theyre lazy or stubborn or selfish for knowing and respecting their limits even if they look fine to you. They may be having a great time, and any amount of strain will rob the day from them. A small effort to you is a much larger effort to them. We shouldnt need to display constant pain and misery in order to respect our limits. We shouldnt be required to spend what energy we do have on joyless experiences in the name of fairness. Life isnt fair, we have a worse hand than average, respect our limits and let us find joy where we can. No judgement.

sometimes when chronically ill/disabled/neurodivergent people say “I can’t do this thing” they really mean “I can technically do this thing I guess, but not without pretty significant repercussions” and I really need more fully-abled people to understand the validity of that

[riley-coyotl]

Sixth Monthly Puppy Report Card for Kelpie!

Kelpie’s progress from 7 – 8 months old (posting late again, oops.) Be prepared for these to contain Too Many Notes because that's just how I am. Categories subject to be added to or change as she matures and things become more or less relevant.

Food (drive, appetite, sensitivity): 🟢 - Doing well here across the board, I feel like her food drive has even gone up which I appreciate!

Toys: 🟢/🟡 - Toy drive is great, she’s so playful and fun! Toy skills have deteriorated a bit though, teen brain is setting in and she’s slower to drop toys when asked, and having trouble regulating her arousal to stay on her own toy and not grab the other dogs’ toys while I’m playing with multiple dogs at once. Gotta practice more I guess, and make things a bit easier for her to succeed.

Sleeping: 🟢/🟡 - For the most part she’s doing well, once we got our groove back she was back to being able to sleep for 6-8 hours before wanting to go out… But then as this month has gone on, off and on she’s sometimes had some trouble sleeping for more than ~5 hours at a time before she’s waking us wanting to go out. In the mornings she’s sometimes been pretty insistent on getting up as soon as my partner’s alarm goes off, and sometimes she’s not very forgiving if he decides to sleep in a bit. Not entirely sure why she’s backslid here again, but I honestly think she just needs time and things will get better.

Crating/separation: 🟢 - No complaints here, she’s easy to settle in her crate and chills/naps while we’re gone, and if she needs to be crated for a bit while we’re home to get her to calm down/reset, she does well with that too.

Potty training: 🟢 - She’s doing really well, there have been a few accidents (all poop, no pee) but these are completely our fault, only occurring when we missed her ringing bells, or when we’ve been impatient and brought her inside too soon even though she’s telling us she isn’t ready to come in yet (sometimes, she will do this/dilly dally just because she wants to find and chew sticks, but usually it’s actually because she still needs to go. We need to listen to her!) But overall she’s pretty reliable at this point, she always lets us know when she needs to go, and as long as we’re listening to her, she does great!

General training: 🟢/🟡 - She’s a good girl, her interest in training sessions has increased even more, and her attention span and focus in training is improving more too...but alas, as she’s solidly entering the teen phase, she has started using her selective listening ears in day to day life. We’re workin on it!

Recall/Off-leash skills: 🟡 - She’s usually good but, see above, sometimes she has her selective listening ears on. The other evening she lost her off leash privileges for now (outside of contained spaces) when she was blowing off some of her recall at the park. I went through the same thing with Maple’s recall when she was around this age, and it’s so so frustrating, but having been through it once already, I at least know that we’ll get through it. Just need to be smart about management and reduce off-leash privileges as needed, and practice and heavily reward recalls when I know she can succeed.

Leash walking: 🟢/🟡 - About the same as last month. Still needs work, she can pull hard when excited, but I don’t expect too much from a teenage puppy here, and when her brain is on she does ok.

Biting: 🟢/🟡 - Puppy biting had all but virtually disappeared over the first part of this month, but then over the next few weeks we saw a resurgence of it…which I recently discovered is likely the result of her teething again—I was sure she’d lost all her puppy teeth and gotten all her adult teeth in by now (she hasn’t lost any puppy teeth in months, and has been a lot less bitey) but apparently not, so it seems we’ve entered Teething, Round 2!

Manners: 🟢/🟡 - When her brain is properly on, she’s been doing very good!! Earlier this month my partner had shoulder surgery and she seemed to be somewhat sensitive to that, she was acting downright responsible honestly, but then over the past couple weeks, crazy teen puppy behavior has emerged in force… She will just sometimes turn into a little menace, with selective listening ears, frustration/demand barking, cat chasing, harassing Maple, plenty of Mischief getting into things as much as she can...and a couple times I have seen her try to do some leg humping which I thought she had grown out of, ugh. Not to mention the gradual resurgence in biting, her difficulty settling to sleep through the night sometimes, etc. I attributed this all to her solidly entering her teen phase, but then after discovering that surprise, she’s not done teething!, I have realized that at least some of this crazy behavior has been due to pain/discomfort in her mouth. It’s hard being a teenage puppy, and even harder when your teefies start hurting again. As frustrating as she can be sometimes, I have empathy for her side of the experience and I’m trying my best to be patient. She’s a good puppy, really and truly, she’s just Going Through It. And like I said, when her brain is on and it’s not witching hour for her, she’s actually been quite pleasant.

Grooming/Handling: 🟢/🟡 - Great across the board except that, after she seemed to get over her gear shyness about her harness, it’s come back a bit. I wonder if her sensitivity has something to do with her teething pain/discomfort returning.

Car rides: 🟢 - She does well but has sometimes been less relaxed when we first get going, anxiously excited and sometimes insistent about riding in my lap. She likes car rides though and doesn’t get carsick, and settles nicely after a bit, so I really can’t complain.

Outings/socialization: 🟢 - Confident and curious, and (starting to!) be a bit better turning her brain on and focusing with me.

Dogs: 🟢/🟡 - Pretty much the same as last month. She’s dog social and friendly, and with Juniper she is respectful at not just bowling straight into her when she wants to play (Juni has been less patient with her about it than Maple)...but she is still doing that with Maple, just bulldozing her or nipping at her back legs to knock her over, either just oblivious or insensitive to the fact that Maple’s not enjoying this type of play. I remain hopeful that she’ll figure it out as she matures, as I keep playing referee and redirecting her etc...and again I remind myself that too excitable/playful is better than fearful or aggressive. Also of note, this month for the first time I have seen her a couple times give a little “hey back off this is mine” gesture/snap if Maple or Juni is thinking about taking a chew from her. I want to keep an eye on this (and of course continue to enforce “no stealing” between the dogs myself so they don’t have to,) but tbh her communication was reasonable and polite boundary-setting, so I don’t see any issue with it.

Humans: 🟢 - She’s a good, well-rounded dog here. She’s friendly and quite happy to meet friends new and old, but not excessively interested in meeting strangers; outside of the context of us intentionally actively socializing with/meeting someone, she will accept approach and even politely investigate herself but oftentimes excuses herself of being actually touched by the person, which is totally fair and I would say even ideal.

Cats: 🟡/🔴 - Sigh. Cat chasing/harassing has gone up over the past month, sometimes she’s not even been able to see a cat without at least being tempted to mess with her. Those selective listening ears are a problem here, and when she’s amped up she just has a hard time disengaging. I know she’s a teenager but ohhh my lort this is frustrating and stressful for me. We’ve finally just bought more gates that the cats can get through but she can’t, and have now installed them to create more/larger spaces of separation, so that the cats have an easier time leaving when they are uncomfortable and have more space in the house to be away from the puppy if they so choose. I’m hopeful that this extra management helps us with training to leave the cats alone and regulating arousal around them. At the very least, it’ll make for more peaceful living for all involved, and give me some peace of mind re:safety!

Small animals: 🟢 - Interested and likes to chase, but I’ve seen some lovely potential with calling off things like rabbits or staying in the “watch” phase of the predatory sequence (aided by use of a leash of course.) I know it might seem strange that the grade here seems in stark contrast to the poor grade she got re:chasing cats, but my expectations for her behaviors around rabbits/squirrels/whatever vs. our cats is of course different.

Bonding/affection: 🟢 - Despite the teen/teething crazies appearing, she’s also been really sweet this past month, giving more cuddles, showing attentiveness to our emotional states, seeks comfort in us when she needs it, etc. I really love her so much and even through the frustration of her punk-ass teenage behavior, I can feel our bond continuing to grow, and that makes me happy and gives me hope for the future.

Overall grade 🟢/🟡, Kelpie and I have both been struggling with her teen puppy brain this month, but she really is a good girl and is trying her best, and I know we’ll get through the teen phase even though sometimes I just feel like I’m failing. Like I’ve said, when her brain is on, she does quite well across the board, and this gives me a glimpse of what things will/could be like as she matures further. Same as last month, my only true complaints are her harassing/chasing the cats, and her bothering poor Maple, but we’re working on it. I need to keep reminding myself that even though she looks very grown now, she’s still just a baby. I’m trying hard to not get caught up with feelings of what I think her/our progress “should” look like at this point, or comparing it to others, and just focusing on letting her be a puppy, building our relationship and bond and trust, and having fun with her, and trusting the process—the other stuff will follow.

[tenobelisk]

would very much like to assure you you're not the only one, doc.

i get some weird looks from other londoners, when they first see me when walking into a lift or on the tube, on account of my mask, but other than that it actually makes me less visible overall, so it works well for me.

i've had covid twice; once when an antivaxxer coworker came to work and once when i was institutionalised and stuck with roommates. each time my lungs have gotten worse and each time my brain fog/attention span and fine motor skills deteriorate for some time afterwards. i am 20 months out from my last covid bout and still clumsy and tired.

the amount of people who don't wear masks and don't think about being symptomless carriers makes me wonder if they understand and internalise how it affects people like me and those with much more serious issues. most of their life has been maskless. they don't get it as bad. we can't stay alert forever. i get it. this is majority-society stuff and there are no covid mandates currently (aug 2023).

but i wash my hands whenever i get in the house. before i touch anything else in the house, even if i really need to pee. this is a safety measure. i have one hand on my keys when i approach my door at night, just in case. this is also a safety measure. i mask up when i go out. you get the idea.

i'm on the bad side of the statistics. i'm the outlier, the paranoid, the refuser, the simpleton. until the laws and the news happen, then i'm upstanding and responsible and kept things safe for the rest of us. right.

[ukiyoe-reproduction]

Shift in My Activity

On the way I worked as a printer, and looked through various literatures and ukiyoe reproductions which have been produced by the traditional wood block printmaking manner and society, I strongly came to feel that the skills of carver and printer, and the reproduction are not what focus on reproducibility truly for the original ukiyo-e print of the Edo period.

And when I in the prints searched for the factors what make the reproduction so, in other words, what factors cause different impressions between the original and the reproduction?, I came to think that the main are differences of materials use of paints and paper from the original, and being the skill quality of carver and printer nowadays higher advanced and sophisticated than the original.

（Plus, there is also the issue of deterioration over time, but there are many cases where even old reproductions that have deteriorated pretty much can be identified easily as "this is a reproduction'', so deterioration seems to be just a secondary factor.）

Also, in addition to those, even experts looked to tend to confuse "making a improved beautiful ukiyoe print" by using modern improved paints and washi paper, and higher skill quality of carving and printing than the Edo period, with "reproducing the same ukiyoe print in the Edo period truly". It looked that being understood for the reproduction falls too far into impression theory just on partial matters, and researching for ukiyoe reproduction and organizing concepts properly with verifying haven't almost ever been done historically, exists as the major factor also.

For example, I think many people get the impression from looking the work scenes of carver and printer, or the titles of the organizations, that they aim to reproduce the same ukiyo-e prints truly from the Edo period. However, if you look carefully at the reproductions by them during this past 100 years, you would see that was not so. Alternatively, you can find it out by carefully researching the literatures.

However, so far, systematic organizing of the concept about such that has hardly been carried out. And if we just limit ourselves to such impression theory, the issues as like following will be overlooked:

・Problems that have historically existed in the ukiyoe reproducing.

（ I from the first place wonder how many people, including experts, recognize contradictions or injustices in the reproducing ？Looking at a work scene that carver traces the lines from the original ukiyoe print so politely and carves so carefully with it on a very fine cherry woodblock, many people would get to think he tries to reproduce the same line or same print as the original in the Edo period. But, looking the finished reproduction and comparing with the original carefully, you could probably notice what he aimed to make wasn't the same line or same print, but more beautiful line with retouching or improved print by carving more beautiful line and printing more beautifully with modern pigments and washi paper that were improved nowadays. So, what did he try to make in actual ？Isn't there a contradiction between your impression and the actual product ? That's where I see the problems.

I think ukiyoe of the Edo period, even in the first impression of the first edition which was carefully and skillfully made, has some rough parts in the quality of carving and printing, because it basically was what so speedy made for low profit high sales, by hands of guys together from master to apprentices, and the skill level of carvers and printers was advanced particularly around the Meiji period（in other words, the rough parts seem to be more noticeable from the perspective of modern carver and printer, even if it was a good quality from the perspective of ones in the Edo period）.

However, I think such rough part is a feature of ukiyoe of the Edo period and seems to relate to the reality of reproduction, so shouldn't be ignored when reproducing.

For truly reproducing, I think ukiyoe reproduction is necessary much more to be researched as comparing with the original print, and clarified the differences from the original, in terms of the materials use of paints and paper, and the skill quality of carving and printing, since those seem to relate directly to the reality of reproducing, rather than relying solely on the subjective opinions of carver, printer or publisher. ）

・What is necessary in the reproducing in order to substantially reproduce Ukiyo-e from the Edo period?

(At least, I do not think that is just the skill of carver and printer. Because every carver can carve ukiyoe and every printer can print also, as basically. No matter how high printmaking skill he has, original ukiyoe prints are not seemed to be able to reproduce truly just by such that, looking the past reproductions. )

・The traditional carver's and printer's knowledge about the skills and materials use may not include some many that were established after the Meiji period？

（For example, looking at shin-hanga prints, etc. from the early 20th century, you could notice there are advances of printmaking skill, materials use and concept of production from the Edo period. And such those are reflected to also ukiyoe reproducing nowadays？

I think the traditional ukiyoe reproducing nowadays includes elements as a new tradition established after the Meiji period, in terms of the skill quality of carving and printing, materials use and concept of production. So, that way is to be necessarily variously contradictory in reproducing the same ukiyoe print of the Edo period. ）

・And so on,,,,

And even the experts looked to be in such that overlooking situation.

（Hopefully, I'd like a researcher to research about the differences between the original and reproduction, especially in terms of materials use of paint and paper, and skill quality of carving and printing such as chipped line, distorted line, color misregistration, grazed paint and so on, by comparative observation of the original and reproduction. Because, those relate directly to reproducibility and are basic knowledge which should be known for reproducing, but appeared not to recognize well even among experts.）

So, I researched the materials and the skills of truth of the original print in the Edo period, and tried to organize the concept of reproduction comprehensively and systematically for these years. However, due to various circumstances, mainly problem of income, I decided to change the axis of my activity to the following two points for the time being.

One is that I'll go to a reproducing way, " reproducing with aged processing". Please refer to the previous article about this way.

Two is that I'll do a business as ukiyoe dealer, mainly sell reproductions produced in the 20th century.

Those prints are sold in my web shop in the following link.

As I am writing this article, there is no lineup of my reproducing artwork of "reproduction with aged processing", but I'll introduce it on my blog when the print is completed.

[elegantmarigold]

I'm going to go off of season 1 archives here, since we don't have enough data points about how far characters/relationships may or may not deteriorate in protocol yet. Anyway:

-S1 archives crew are experienced researchers. (+1 librarian but Martin has his own cleverness to bring to the table, see: the corkscrew exchange). I feel like those skills will at least somewhat translate.

-Sasha in particular is top of her game right now, she's clever and inquisitive. I'd say Jon also falls along those lines despite everything, also he's that stubbornness, if coaxed he's going to take this way too seriously. Tim is pretty reliable in his prime here too, and despite goofing around a bit he'd probably be up to the challenge. For Martin, again the corkscrew exchange, he brings ideas to the table too.

-despite Jon related tension they get along well enough. Also, if this is after colony Jon is much less harsh on Martin but that's definitely a big if. If we're talking pre-colony there might be some disaster moments and putting them together in an enclosed space feels like a bad idea. Tim and sasha are probably chill though.

-OIAR gang have less specialized skills, their job is just "hey read these things and label them"

-That said, they've got the character for it. Sam is earnest and has that inquisitiveness to look for clues. Alice is more clever than she tends to get credit for. Gwen has the stubborn pride too and if prodded she'll be too serious about it, but that hinges on the others. Celia so far seems pretty good at staying calm but also being determined enough to investigate.

-Alice also probably plays around a bit but her, Sam, and Celia are probably all pretty chill with each other. Alice and Gwen are probably going to be a distraction though, even if she drags Gwen in with her prodding they're probably pausing every few minutes to snipe at each other.

-Colin is a sticking point though. He's probably smart enough but he also probably doesn't want to be here and he's been getting real paranoid in the last few episodes. He might find clues but he is NOT going to communicate that. I fear Alice's influence is not enough to fix this, but she'll probably try.

-Also Gwen doesn't seem to work well with other people. She seems like someone who wouldn't like group projects, she's too individualistic and stuck in her ways. 50/50 on whether she does get involved and whether that actually helps.

-Getting Lena and Elias involved is equal points to both sides in brain-power but the vibes are ruined. Gwen would be at Lena's throat so that might be worse, but Elias is not someone anyone in the archives really actively seemed to want to hang out with so I think there's still some level of bringing down the mood.

So anyway both have their own strengths and weaknesses but I feel like OIAR is slightly worse off. Both would be really fun to watch though, because of the actual process and because of the inevitable drama that's going to happen. Do not let my compliments fool you I do in fact believe they're all disasters

enough episodes of protocol are out, let’s stop wasting our time and get to the REAL questions

[scruffyplayssonic]

Are the ArchieSonic comics actually an 80's/90's syndicated cartoon? Episode 49: Hero becomes blind. Magoo jokes aplenty. Ableism ages episode horribly 

Welcome back to my look at the ArchieSonic comic series, and how it shared a lot of the same story tropes as a typical ‘80s or ‘90s syndicated cartoon! Well friends, it’s happened again - today’s episode is another one that didn’t really happen in ArchieSonic:

Episode 49: Hero becomes blind. Magoo jokes aplenty. Ableism ages episode horribly 

Well, there were instances when Sonic or others were very briefly “blinded” by environmental forces, like in the worst of all the Super Specials, Naugus Games.

Woof. Even by Ken Penders’ standards, that’s the laziest writing I think I’ve ever seen in this series. It was so bad that it (probably) resulted in the cancellation of the super specials, and Ian Flynn felt it necessary to go back and rewrite that battle for a Free Comic Book Day issue eleven years later.

There actually was a blind character that debuted in the reboot era of the comic, although it was never completely stated on page that this was the case. In Sonic #278 a new freedom fighter team called the Desert Raiders were introduced, based out of Shamar. While his fighting and tracking skills didn’t seem to be hindered at all, this page suggested that Trevor did have some issue with his vision.

Aleah Baker, who was part of the team who worked on the character designs for this group, confirmed that Trevor was indeed blind. In fact, apparently some of his earlier designs had the top half of his face obscured by his hair or eyebrows to cover up where his eyes were supposed to be. This was later replaced with pointy anime sunglasses, resulting in the version of the character that appeared in the comics. Very interesting, I can imagine that kind of a design in my head and I think it would work pretty well. I just want to give a big shoutout to Aleah and thank her for providing this information before I move on. You’re a champ, Aleah!

There were a lot of characters in the series who had prosthetic eyes, so let’s take a look at some of them.

The first one that came to my mind was Knuckles’ ancestor Tobor, who as a result of injuries he sustained when a freaking building fell on him found his vision had started to deteriorate, so he had his eyes replaced with cybernetic prosthetics. But following the surgery he seemed to have perfectly good eyesight again, and we never saw him struggling with his disability.

The first Dark Legion leader we were introduced to, Kragok, had a prosthetic eye for unspecified reasons.

Future Knuckles of the Mobius 25/30 Years Later timeline had a similar prosthetic eye, which he replaced his original eye with after he went mad with chaos power and Sonic tried to “help” him.

Whoopsy.

The Bride of Conquering Storm first debuted in the comic with two normal eyes, but after her clan joined the Eggman Empire they were forced to undergo the legionisation process as a display of loyalty. Interestingly, Conquering Storm chose to have her eyes replaced with cybernetic ones rather than have any of her limbs replaced. Perhaps her eyesight wasn’t 20/20, and she decided to take this opportunity to improve it? 

But the one case that should be highlighted for this episode is that of Moritori Rex, who I guess also had cybernetic eyes?

When he first arrived on the floating island and fought against Tobor, he had these weird metal things on the sides of his eyes. I’m not really sure what they are, to be honest.

Later after he infiltrated the Brotherhood by impersonating Tobor he had a Cyclops visor which allowed him to shoot lasers and also see in the dark. However Spectre was able to turn this against him by turning out the lights and then lighting up a flare to blind Moritori.

It’s unclear if this permanently wrecked the usability of the visor or if Moritori just wanted to prevent himself from being attacked that way again, but the next time Moritori appeared - no longer in custody and back with the Dark Legion without explanation, I might add - he had discarded the visor and reverted back to his original design. So unlike most of the other people I’ve talked about today, Moritori Rex actually did get temporarily blinded. But he was a villain, not a hero.

So while we did get at least one instance of a character being blinded, I can’t think of any Magoo-style slapstick or jokes happening or any 90’s-era ableism that we’d cringe at today. On the contrary, all the characters with prosthetic eyes were treated to be just as capable as any other character, as was Trevor Burrow. So to finish up this episode I thought I’d look at a few characters who suffered with some other disabilities, not just those affecting their eyesight. 

Of all the Freedom Fighters, Bunnie’s backstory was the one that probably changed the most after the reboot. In the original continuity Bunnie was first introduced when she was captured by Swatbots and tossed into a roboticiser.

Sonic had tried to intervene but was a little too slow, resulting in Bunnie’s arm and lower half of her body being transformed to metal. The reboot changed things up by having her get the robotic limbs at a very young age.

During Dr. Eggman’s initial attack on Mobotropolis Bunnie was severely injured, and the only way Uncle Chuck could save her life was by using his experimental roboticiser on her. This was quite the ordeal for young Bunnie, who had to undergo a lot of physical therapy to regain use of her limbs as well as having to deal with her own self-perception that she’d been turned into a monster. She was eventually able to come to terms with herself and become the kickass Freedom Fighter she is today. Having Bunnie’s robotic limbs be shown as a disability and her struggling with her self-image is something that was also briefly explored in the pre-reboot era, when her body started to reject her cybernetic parts and she was faced with the choice of probably dying or undergoing a hardware upgrade that would mean she would never be able to be deroboticised.

I have mixed feelings on this one - Antoine is an absolute champion for telling Bunnie he doesn’t care about how she looks on the outside, but I’m not sure about Bunnie feeling the need to seek validation regarding her appearance from a man, especially in a Super Special called “Girls Rule!” That said, the Bunnie story is probably the least offensive out of all of those in that book.

The character with the most prominent disability was probably Cassia the Pronghorn, who was introduced in the reboot era of the comic (specifically, Sonic #263) as co-leader (or Egg Boss) of her faction of the Egg Army with her sister Clove. Their backstory was that Cassia had contracted a potentially fatal disease, and out of desperation Clove had sought help from Dr. Eggman. Eggman agreed to help, but only on the condition that Cassia and Clove work for him from now on. They agreed and Cassia was treated, having her entire face replaced with cybernetic upgrades.

Clove was very protective of her sister and for the most part tried to keep her away from any potential danger - although she arguably did that with all of those under her command as well.

So in Sonic #277 when someone came lurking around the temple they had captured under Eggman’s orders, Clove went to check out the problem herself. Coming face to face with none other than Princess Sally, she tried to talk her down from starting unnecessary conflict. Meanwhile Cassia, against Clove’s wishes, went to check out a report of another potential intruder, and came face to face with Bunnie. This is where some of that ableism came into play, as both of them assumed the worst of each other and that they’d decided to get cybernetic upgrades mostly for butt-kicking purposes.

But after talking things out they discovered that they were more alike than they had thought, despite being on opposite sides. 

Unfortunately after Bunnie escaped with the Chaos Emerald, Cassia’s disease got the upper hand over her and she had to get medical attention. This was when Clove discovered a terrible truth…

Clove decided to keep the truth from Cassia, unable to admit to her that they could never be free of the Eggman Empire. Unfortunately the comic was cancelled before that particular subplot could go anywhere, but on a guest episode of the Bumblekast Aleah Baker revealed that the truth would have eventually come out and that Cassia would have left in search of a cure, eventually finding it with either the Freedom Fighters or GUN. Clove would have believed that Cassia had died and lost all hope before eventually finding out her sister was still alive and well.

A lesser example was Antoine, who was injured during Perfect Chaos’ rampage on Station Square in Sonic #84. As a result the King removed from him from active service when the Freedom Fighters returned to Knothole in Sonic #88. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise for Antoine, who took the time off to go on a personal mission to recover his roboticised father from the Kingdom of Mercia, with Bunnie and Amy escorting him. They ended up meeting with Knuckles again during this mission and things got a bit… 

…that.

Aaaaaand I suppose there’s one other disabled character I should mention, that being Sally’s father in the pre-reboot era of the comic, King Max. Ugh, this guy.

I already talked about his early struggles in the comic in the episode about macguffin chases, so we can skim over that. After being overthrown, exiled to a soundless dimension that induces madness, forced under duress to swear fealty to an an evil wizard, suffering memory loss, being rescued after 10 years only to start turning to crystal, then being possessed by the aforementioned evil wizard and forced against his will to start a civil war that the guy would finally catch a break after the Sword of Acorns cured him. Unfortunately it was not to be. After their Adventure (pardon the pun) in Station Square and facing not only Perfect Chaos but two different robotic Sonic dopplegangers, Sonic and the Freedom Fighters finally returned to Knothole in Sonic #88 only to bump right into Sally’s father, leading a crusade against Robotropolis to rescue the kidnapped Prince Elias. Sally secretly charged Sonic with keeping her father safe during the raid, but unfortunately Sonic got distracted by Uncle Chuck and Muttski, who were once again Eggman’s thralls at this time in the series.

The King’s sword seemed to restore their minds, but one of Eggman’s Shadowbots whisked them away before Sonic could do anything.

With Sonic distracted trying to get them back, he was unable to prevent the King from taking a major hit to the back of the head. This injury resulted in Max losing the use of his legs for several years in the comic, which would lead some people to underestimate him. 

Whoops. 

He did eventually start undergoing physical therapy, and by the time Sonic returned from his year in space, he was fully able again. That didn’t last very long either though, thanks to Patch, Antoine’s evil counterpart from Anti-Mobius.

After he tried to overthrow evil Sonic with a device designed to transport him to Mobius Prime, Evil Sonic decided to return the favour and exiled Patch there instead, doing a switcheroo with the original Antoine so that everyone would believe Patch was the real Antoine. Patch took this in his stride though, and worked his way up through the King’s army to be Max’s personal bodyguard.

Now that he had unrestricted access to the King, Patch went about poisoning him, but slowly so that he could avoid suspicion. The King’s health slowly declined until he eventually fell into a coma, at which point Sally was chosen as the new reigning monarch. As per Patch’s plan, Sally was forced into an arranged marriage with “Antoine,” which would have made Patch the new King. However before they could be crowned, Sally’s brother Elias was convinced by Sonic to exercise his right as first-born to take the crown himself.

Patch was outraged and attempted to assassinate Elias but was stopped by Sonic, who finally put the pieces together about what had happened and sent Patch packing back to the Anti-verse, bringing the true Antoine back home to a greatly relieved Bunnie. Elias used his first act as King to annul Sally’s marriage, and as for King Max, he was eventually roused from his coma thanks to one of the Chaos Emeralds.

Unfortunately he never did make a full recovery, and his mental state gradually started to deteriorate until he was reduced to an angry, muttering old man in a wheelchair.

Some would say he got what he deserved, but we should also consider everything that he had been through prior to losing his marbles. He certainly earned that title he was given in the Mobius Encyclopedia: "King Maximillian the Cursed."

…meh. Good riddance. 😛

Are there any other cases of blindness or other disabilities in ArchieSonic that I missed? Be sure to let me know in the comments! I’m going on holiday for a few weeks this weekend, so it’ll be awhile before my next post - possibly not until September. But when I return, my next post will be episode 50: a Major event that dramatically shakes up the status quo but then turns out to be a dream. See you then!