#i always underestimate just how much i have to say about remus

[livinginshambles]

I've got plans, sorry | James potter

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: James is whipped. He adores his girlfriend so much, to the point that it starts to bother his friends. His reaction to a confrontation about it with his friends is to completely pull away from you, always finding new excuses to avoid you, leaving you to try and approach him. When you overhear him trying to be cool under peer pressure and say that you're too clingy, you also start pulling away, using the same excuses.

Notes: Angst with a happy ending probably, I love happy endings. Established relationship, For plot purposes, Sirius will start off as an arse

Part two Masterlist

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James Potter found himself a girlfriend, and it wasn't Lily Evans.

The news spread around faster than the Nimbus 1000 could fly and had everyone do a double take when they saw James strutting around, your books in one arm, held to his broad chest. His other arm holding you close.

"Everyone's staring," you whispered to James. His only reaction seemed to be walking even straighter than before, chest puffed out in pride, ready to show you off. "It's because you're breathtakingly gorgeous of course," he winked at you and you stiffled a laugh, shaking your arm and flipping a uno reverse up at him. He grinned and accepted the card, stuffing it up his own sleeve.

He had put in so much effort to get you to notice him, he almost couldn't believe it when you had eventually admitted that you fancied him back.

"Not sure why they all seem so surprised though." If you didn't know better, you would say that he sounded offended. "I mean, I've been fighting for your affection for quite a while now, right, Darling?"

He looked down to you for affirmation. "Well," you began. "You still flirted a lot with Lily, so I do get their confusion." You shrugged.

James pulled you to a stop, spun you around and pressed his lips to yours in an overly dramatic way. It had you giggling in the kiss. When you pulled away, he pulled you back to his chest, bringing you in for a hug.

You grunted at the sudden impact from your own chest at the pile of books he still held in front of him and laughed. "Hey!" You exclaimed and pressed your arm to your sore chest. "Let me help you with that, darling," he quickly offered with a wide grin. You playfully rolled your eyes at his excitement and grabby hands and swatted them away in amusement. You let him press you closer to his side, and he turned his head to kiss the top of yours.

"I'll show them how in love I am with you," he sighed happily in your hair.

You came to a stop where you two had to part ways, having picked different courses. James returned your books to you, and you left a sweet peck on his cheek.

You both walked to your classes, but not before looking back, meeting each other's eyes, a smile and a wink thrown in each other's direction.

James was always around you and vice versa, spending a great deal of your time with the marauders. You'd already been on good terms with Sirius, by which you meant that he knew your name, your own parents on his parents' payroll. You knew Peter who was your partner for your muggle studies class, and you had been friends with Remus ever since he had been kind enough to share his ink, paper and extra quill for taking notes during your first class of transfiguration. You had severely underestimated how much writing you would have to do in class instead of, you know, transfiguring. So you had sort of just joined the marauders, not that they seemed to mind. Or so you thought.

You were in the library as usual like every Thursday evening and were currently waiting for James, who hadn't shown up yet. In the past two hours and 20 minutes that you'd been waiting for him, you had already finished tomorrow's homework, as well as next week's. You looked at the gigantic clock, displaying the time. 20 minutes past eight.

'A little longer,' you told yourself. "Give him another 40 minutes."

But James wasn't going to be showing up for you anytime soon. Instead, he was in the boys' dormitory with the rest of the marauders, downing alcohol, cheered on by Sirius, trying to prove that he still valued their friendship.

Because when Sirius had complained to him about being a simp and never hanging out with just the guys anymore, he hadn't paid it any mind. He figured that he and Sirius simply had a different mindset now he had a girlfriend while Sirius was still ever the player that he was known for being.

When Remus told him that they seemed to have lost their friend, his attention had finally been caught. And when even Peter told him that he agreed with Sirius and Remus that he was too whipped and acting embarrassingly clingy, he had been all ears.

He had to admit after all, that they were right. There was almost never a moment when James wasn't holding on to you. He basically hovered around you and called out on it, he felt incredibly embarrassed. So there he was, drinking and completely forgetting about his study date with you.

When you figured he wasn't going to be showing up, you made your way to your dorm as well. Hey, at least you were productive. "Where's you bodyguard, L/N," Someone called after you and you shrugged it off.

You enjoyed spending time with James and his friends. Not really having many friends of your own due to the fact that you were taking classes of a year above you with James.

Your birthday was in November, you see. That meant that despite being born in the same year as James, you had waited another year before receiving your owl, not having been 11 yet the year before.

You had bought your books anyway and studied by yourself every evening after muggle school, your father teaching you during the weekends, all out of pure spite at the clearly flawed system.

After proving to be rather proficient during the first semester, you had been given the opportunity to get extra classes on the matter of the second years and moved to take classes with the second years during your second semester.

The cons of that, however, meant not really having any friends. You didn't share classes with your fellow dorm mates. You didn't share a dormitory with your fellow classmates.

So you enjoyed being with James, even if some people told you that you must surely find him too overbearing. This is why the fact that James was suddenly going out of his way to avoid you, hurt, simply put. Your eyes flashed with confusion, and a frown settled upon your face. You wondered if you'd upset him somehow.

"James!" You called out, making your way up to him. You tried not to sigh out loud at the relief that he had actually stopped and turned around to face you. "Hey stranger," you awkwardly laughed with a mini wave. James shifted uncomfortably. He wanted to come in for a kiss, really. But he also knew that Sirius and Remus were waiting for him. He looked back and saw them wave him over.

"Uh, it's Thursday." You managed to say, noticeably quieter than before. You had seen him look around and you wondered. 'Was he embarrassed by you?'

James definitely knew what you were implying but chose to play dumb anyway.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, uh, are you- do you want to join me in the library tonight?" Because you didn't show up last week and haven't mentioned it at all. You didn't say that last part, but James knew what you meant.

"I've got plans, sorry," he breathed out, instantly wanting to bash his head against a wall. 'Coward,' he thought. Though his friends, and mainly Sirius had made fun of him when he was with you, he didn't have to outright lie to you.

He reached his hand out to you, ready to take it back when you had already smiled and nodded. "Oh yeah, sure." You gave him a toothy grin, turned on your heels, and walked away, letting your face fall in disappointment when your back was turned towards James.

James' stretched out arm fell limp to his side and he walked over to his friends, but not before looking back at you as usual. His step faltered when you didn't look back and hastily disappeared behind the corner.

Sirius slapped an arm around James' shoulder. "Let's go Prongs, I've got the best idea for a prank." Remus sighed. That's not what he had meant for to happen.

The following two weeks were spent with you, trying to spend time with your boyfriend and said boyfriend giving out all types of excuses as to why he was really really busy and absolutely had no time for you. Quidditch practice, detention, planned pranks that he definitely couldn't miss out on, the new emergence of "boy's night", other plans, helping Sirius with something, Remus isn't feeling well, you name it.

(Though you did have the slightest feeling that he had been truthful about the last one. It had been the beginning of the full moon after all, and you weren't stupid.)

"Sorry Darling, I've got-"

"-plans, yes, I know." You smiled tightly at him.

"I'm-"

"-sorry. I know that too." And with that, you walked off, shaking your head. 'You love him,' you reminded yourself with a sigh as you walked towards the library. Almost reaching it, you changed your mind and retreated to your room instead. You weren't feeling like studying today.

"Should've gone to the library instead," you murmured to yourself through gritted teeth as you were woken up by the slamming of the door of the common room. You groaned, summoned all your courage and rolled yourself over, falling of the bed and sitting up dazed. Always effective, that method.

You walked down the stairs when you froze at your name.

"Y/N just doesn't know how to leave you alone, right Prongs?" You knew the voice belonged to Sirius.

"Yeah well, I haven't been spending a lot of time with her, lately," James admitted and the corners of your lips lifted in a soft smile.

"Well, it's still weird. Why doesn't she find her own friends to hang out with anyway?"

"She doesn't have that many," James answered, trying to defend you without directly calling you a loner, but Sirius picked up on it.

"Just because she doesn't have any friends of her own, doesn't mean she needs to interrupt you from spending time with your own, right?"

Remus had been listening and finally looked up from his book. He let his eyes flicker between his two friends. "I'm her friend," he spoke up. Bless him.

Sirius huffed. "You don't count. That's charity work."

"Hey, that's mean, Pads." Remus defended you.

You felt slapped in the face. Though thankful that Remus denied it, your eyes started watering at the fact that James didn't and you sat down on the stairs. A deep frown settled between your eyebrows and a hurt expression in your eyes. You should've turned around, but couldn't help but continue to listen in on their conversation.

"Alright, fine, I was just joking, Moony." Sirius held up his hands in surrender. "But you guys have to admit that she's super clingy," he added.

Even Remus couldn't deny that. You had been clinging to James, or trying to at least, ever since he abruptly started avoiding you for whatever reason you didn't know.

James hummed a little in agreement, choosing his words carefully. "Yeah, she's kind of high maintenance. Like, she needs a lot of attention, I guess. I mean, I've tried to subtly let her know that she's clingy, but she's not really getting the hint." Maybe not that carefully after all.

Your mouth was agape.

"Still my girlfriend though Padfoot, and I'm in love with her, so shut it," he gave Sirius a pointed look and with that, the matter was done for them. For you, very much not the case.

You swallowed, not comforted by his last words at all. Your throat felt dry and you hurried back to your room.

At first James was relieved by your lack of approaching him. It meant he didn't have to feel like crap every time he excused himself. But then time passed and James was missing you. 'How do you even miss your girlfriend, who you spend 24/7 with by being in the same boarding school?' He incredulously thought to himself.

But somehow you had managed to escape his sight. Aside from during class, in which you were partnered up with a scrawny Ravenclaw boy who excelled in potions class, called Wylan, as he had heard from Peter, he never saw you anywhere else. Not in the corridors, not in the Great Hall, not in the courtyard, not even in the library at your usual spot.

"Y/N!" He called out to you when he finally did spot you. You didn't seem to hear him and he moved faster. He slipped past a group of slow paced students who were taking up the entire corridor by walking next to each other- 'bloody hell' -and stopped in front of you, blocking your path.

You looked up at him in surprise. A weird feeling in your stomach. Maybe a mixture of adoration and discomfort at the same time. You hadn't decided what you wanted to do with the information from James' conversation because you didn't want to lose James, but also felt hurt. So you decided to just... postpone a confrontation.

"It's uh, it's been a while," he weakly smiled at you. You hummed in agreement.

"Yeah, I've been really busy." You mustered up a smile.

James nodded. 'Everything was fine. You were busy. That's all.' He tried to tell himself. But your eyes didn't crinkle like they did when you actually smiled. Your smile not wide enough to get you to wince at the pulling feeling of the small crust on your lower lip where you always bit your lip.

He cleared his throat. "I thought we could maybe go to Hogsmeade tomorrow?" He offered you a lopsided grin and watched your expression turn apologetic.

"I- I've got plans, sorry," you whispered.

"Oh, right." James had a funny feeling in his stomach. What plans? With who? You didn't have other friends right? Or maybe you made some because he'd been ignoring you? His mind was racing.

"Monday?" He tried again.

He watched, a pit in his stomach forming when you shook your head hesitantly. "Tutoring third years," you said, avoiding his piercing gaze.

"O- Okay, you let me know when you have time alright?" He finally settled on.

"Yeah, sure." The lack of enthusiasm in your answer didn't go unnoticed by James.

It was quiet for a long moment. "So I should just-" you pointed with your thumb behind you, signaling that you were going to go.

"Yeah, of course, places to be," he awkwardly put his thumb up and internally screamed at himself. 'Thumbs up? Really?'

He watched you leave, shoulders slumped.

Preview if interested

Here is part two

[ginevrapng]

𝐈'𝐌 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃

pairing: fwb!james x reader

word count: 1.5k words

warnings and contents: for my friends with benefits james there is no smut asdfghjkl, hurt, jealousy, FLUFF

you're sitting in the great hall eating breakfast and you spot james across the hall with all the other gryffindors. you're unable to stop your lip quirk upwards as you hear his boisterous laugh, which you guess is due to some joke or prank he's retelling.

your small smile drops as you see lily evans walk up the marauders. you've never had a problem with her, she is a popular gryffindor that is friendly and works well to get top marks but the way she's walking up to the marauders, looking at james determined and with a mission, fills you with slight dread. if you were completely honest you felt she spent more time with james then necessary, especially considering how they've got their own friends and how many times she turned him down in the past.

the hall is already pretty quiet due to everyone already have eaten and a lot of people stop their conversations or lower their voices as they see lily go up to james. everyone in every house knows that's irregular. for the previous years of hogwarts james followed lily everywhere like a lost puppy always asking her out and coming up to her but he had stopped. no one knew why. it was because of you.

because the hall became so silent you heard what evans asked james and you wished the hall was louder, you wished you didn't hear, you wish you were somewhere else, anywhere else, you started to become sick as she asked james if he's free this weekend to go to hogsmeade. "i don't know, i think remus has to study but i know sirius and peter are free too. are all the other girls going?" at that moment it's hard to tell if he's actually oblivious or if he knows exactly what she's asking him but he's choosing not to answer. he has a smile on his face but even from a distance it looks a bit forced to you.

if you were anyone else you would lean to the fact he's being oblivious but you're not anyone, people always underestimate james and you have a feeling james knows exactly what she's actually asking but for some reason he's pretending that he has no clue what she means but you don't know why he'd do that. james is kind and wouldn't want to embarrass someone so publicly but at the same time you're unsure of why he'd be so sure of turning her down but the fact that he is does makes you incredibly happy, you won't tell him that though.

"oh, i don't actually know what the girls are doing. i meant just us two. like on a date?" lily asks him, not wavering at all even with what james has previously said.

james sighs under his breath. "i've got things to do, you should go with someone else."

"what about another weekend?" lily asks, hopeful and you don't blame her for that, anyone would be hopeful asking out someone who in the past asked them out every other day.

"lily, i'm sorry if i'm hurting your feelings but i don't want to go on a date with you," he tells her and you can see that he's trying to be as nice as he can be in a situation like this. no one caught on to the fact that james said that he's only sorry that he's hurt her feelings, he's not sorry for not wanting to date her though, like it's not even an option on my mind, he's not entertaining the thought about going on a date with her, you don't catch on, lily doesn't, the marauders don't, no one does.

everyone is stunned, they thought for sure he'd say yes, he has been pining after her for so long and most people just thought he started playing hard to get, giving her some distance until she recognises how much she misses him but that wasn't true at all. lily never crosses his mind anymore, why would she? he has you. you're all he thinks about. yeah at one point he fancied lily but he loves you.

after a couple beats lily replies with an, "oh, alright then. i guess i'll see you in the common room." this time it's lily that forces a smile. james doesn't respond. she has just been rejected and it's making her feel dejected, not only does james not want to go on a date with her but he doesn't want to hang out with her either. the whole time she thought this was some ploy from james to get her attention but she realised she was wrong. he has no interest in her at all.

as soon as lily's out of earshot and going out of the great hall you hear the loud voices of james' friends. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT PRONGS? DON'T YOU WANT LILY ANYMORE?"

"that was mean james, you didn't have to reject her in front of everyone."

"YOU DON'T WANT EVANS? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD COME. CAN I GO FOR HER?"

"i've got to say i'm surprised to prongs, i never thought you'd shut lily down like that. she really does like you and if this is some trick to get her to like you more, don't do it. she talks about you a lot."

james interrupts his friends knowing this could go on all morning and knowing that you're definitely hearing all this, worried you might be getting the wrong idea. "you can go for her pads, it's none of my business." they all look even more shocked as they hear this but he carries on, "i have no interest in lily whatsoever, yes i used to but i moved on from that. i didn't try to be mean peter but she wasn't taking a hint, i kept trying to tell her no and to let her down gently and moony honestly you shouldn't be surprised if anything it's more surprising that this hasn't happened sooner, me and lily have absolutely nothing in common and we can barely hold a conversation together that last more than ten minutes."

they're all rendered speechless at james as they realise he is 100 percent serious about this. no matter if lily chases james just like he chased her his answer will always be the same, no.

in james' eyes lily doesn't hold a candle to you.

he flicks his eye to where you're sitting and you briefly make eye contact. james was feeling in a bit of a negative mood after what happened but that immediately changed when he glances at you to see that you're already looking at him. you see a stupid grin appear on his face, uncontrolled and automatic, you quickly look down knowing that you've been caught watching him. as you're looking down you smile at the whole situation. james told lily no, and he said it so certain like nothing could change his mind. that absolutely stopped the sicky feeling you had. no one would notice you smiling as you're looking away from everyone but james knew that's what you'd be doing.

james wants to grab your face and lift it up so you're looking at each other again, he already misses your face and the colours of your eyes and it's only been a second since you've looked away from him. he wants to see your bashful smile as you try to look away from him again but he'll just place hundreds of kisses all over your face instead. he wants to desperately tell you that lily doesn't mean anything to him, you have gotten jealous on occasion due to lily even if you deny it, hopefully this might help. he wants to tell you that there's nothing to be jealous about. although you both know that he'll likely tease you about how you was "staring" at him the whole time when he turned down lily.

"what the fuck are you grinning about james?" remus asks, he seems the most annoyed with james about how he handled the situation, remus and lily are study buddies so they are actually good friends and he's known for awhile how lily has felt about james he's just always thought james still feels the same way, he thought it was mutual.

james snaps out off his thoughts of you, not wanting the marauders to question him about you. "nothing important," james replies, not looking back at you.

he hopes that he'll have the chance to talk to you today, even if it's for five minutes. maybe you'll talk about your plans for the weekend and you can try and find time to get together, maybe you'll tease him and say lily invited you to hogsmeade while you were at dinner.

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

What do you think was the immediate aftermath to the “Prank”? I actually do think Sirius was remorseful for what he did at the time(I think his attitude in PoA could be explained by how he was in Azkaban all those years, had to survive on very little, and was just not in a good place to process his past properly at the time. And he does acknowledge that he acted poorly during SWM, so I feel like with time he would realize that he could’ve handled those situations better- even if Snape could be a dick lol. At a certain point someone has to take the high road XD), but I think it still would have taken a while for Remus to forgive him or for the group to go back to the way it was. But if I’m being honest, I feel like the group never really went back to the way it was when we consider how both Remus and Sirius thought the other was a spy :/. I also think that James would have been put in a hard spot, because he’s incredibly loyal to his friends, and Sirius is(let’s face it lol) his favorite, but this “prank” could have gone very wrong in so many different ways and I feel that James may have been able to recognize more than Sirius at first.

(I also don’t understand why JKR would place SWM after “The Prank” because why on earth would James and Sirius continue to antagonize Snape to that extent when he now knows one of their best friend’s deepest and darkest secret(and there couldn’t have been anything magical keeping Snape from saying anything, seeing as he gives away the secret in Book 3)? But I digress lol(although I will say that one minor change I make for myself is imagining the Prank as happening after SWM since that makes more sense to me)

I have so many thoughts on “The Prank” mainly because while I love Sirius(and I do think his good qualities outweigh his bad ones), this situation showcases one of his biggest flaws(he can be reckless to the point where other people can/are at the risk of getting seriously hurt or worse) and I just find it really interesting to explore that and how it would have affected the Marauders and their dynamic at the time

Oooh boy do I have THOUGHTS about the Prank and SWM. I'm actually very okay with SWM happening after the Prank. It shows that James and Sirius took a LONG time to grow and were still dicks late into their fifth year. But let's get to the fun!

Immediate aftermath of the Prank:

I wholeheartedly agree that the group was never the same after the Prank. I think the Marauders were always on thin ice or precarious ground, and it was only because of James that they were all together. Sirius and James were like magnets for each other. James picked up the underdog, Remus, and Remus brought in the super underdog, Peter. That's not to say that Sirius didn't care for Remus and Peter, but everything in canon suggests that Sirius was a Prongs fangirl, not a Moony or Wormtail fangirl.

But let's get to the Prank. Snape thought something was up with Lupin. I believe Sirius thought one of two things: 1) fuck around and find out, and 2) he's not actually stupid enough to go whomping willow/werewolf hunting. There is definitely some blame on Severus for following through, but it's more on Sirius for underestimating Severus and potentially ruining Remus's life. Because it was James who pulled Severus back, Sirius probably felt more remorse than had it been someone else.

I believe that after the Prank, Remus's trust in Sirius was irrevocably changed. I think that Remus implicitly trusted Sirius before, but after the Prank, the nature of the friendship changed. I imagine that Remus didn't change much outwardly. He's a coward at heart and didn't want to rock the boat. But the thing is, Sirius isn't stupid. He almost certainly noticed a change in Remus's behavior. Remus probably went more passive-aggressive, and that laid the foundation for Sirius believing Remus to be the spy later, because of his behavior change. For Remus, it's the same thing, because of Sirius's capacity to use him for a cruel prank.

I do think that they were friends and remained friendly. James was the foundation for their friendship, and as long as James was alive and friendly with both, they would remain friends. However, with more people dying, Remus off with werewolves and Sirius doing who-knows-what, it would make sense for Sirius to think that Remus was a spy and vice versa. When Halloween '81 happened and the Potters were killed, Remus was probably shocked but not surprised. Sirius was capable of darkness.

And THIS is why I'm very okay with the Prank happening before SWM. Imagine Remus thinking the same thing during SWM - 'guys, please stop antagonizing him' - and James and Sirius continue antagonizing Severus for fun, because they're bored. This is abundant proof that Sirius still had a lot of growing up to do, as did James. Imagine Remus after the Potters die, thinking how Sirius could do this?, but then being reminded of SWM, where Sirius continued to play with his food, so to speak. Imagine Remus thinking it impossible for Sirius to turn his back on his friends, but after Peter is 'killed', and Remus was almost exposed in the Prank, that means the only person left for Sirius to betray was James. With that track record, Remus could've very well thought Sirius was the traitor.

I love Sirius as well. My man, like Remus, has layers. Their friendship in later years - post-Azkaban - was cobbled together by shared memories of James and years of trauma/betrayal by one another and Peter. At this point I imagine a friendship of convenience - they're friends because few people understand the trauma they went through, but they're never going to be BFFs the way that James and Sirius were. If Sirius is fire, James is the sunshine that fuels him, while Remus is a moldy wet log of a human being.

As always @puppyduckster you've given me tremendous food for thought and provided excellent insight on the characters we so love.

[soloorganaas]

Hi! I know it may have been awhile but it just came up on my main page.

You were saying that you wanted to believe that sirius was a better person than remus. Do you think that relationship is unbalanced then? Or I guess what do you see that makes remus even ok or worthy of love? Or that he's really not and Sirius overlooks it?

I can't really word this the way I want to, so I hope it sounds ok and the gist of what I'm trying to say comes across bc genuinely curious.

Ty and hope you're having good day ❤️❤️

anon this ask made my day and i have been rotating it in my mind for the last 12 hours so prepare for a LOT of thoughts

I think that in the big ways Sirius is a better person than Remus, because he’s brave, devoted, and will compromise on nothing to care for and protect the people he loves. those are the values that are important to me and I think outweigh his negative qualities - being a rude arrogant asshole who makes no effort to be nice to anyone other than the three people he cares about (although I think these are still positives 🥰), volatility with a tendency to lash out when he’s hurt or angry, and a strong self-destructive streak.

Remus, on the other hand, is lovely to pretty much everyone he meets. he’s compassionate, thoughtful, considerate and fundamentally kind. he’s generally very polite, even in conflict, and by and large doesn’t lose control of his emotions in a way that’s upsetting for other people. but. he’s never dealt with the suffering and stigma caused by his lycanthropy and has let it manifest into self-hatred instead. he puts the blame both on everyone else for being unchangingly bigoted and on himself for being unchangingly dangerous and disgusting, and it allows him to get away with simply not taking responsibility. that becomes a fundamental trait - when things are tough, he ducks, runs or capitulates. it means he fails the people close to him, and Sirius feels that the most.

they’d have every reason to dislike each other or clash constantly because they simply can’t understand the way the other acts. but what actually happens is that they balance each other out, because they recognise and understand something in each other that no one else can. Remus’s condition is fundamentally deadly and a dark creature is literally woven into who he is - and Sirius isn’t scared of it. Sirius isn’t fazed one bit. because he also grew up with dark magic woven into him, the horrific scars of trauma from that, the capacity to lose control, and a perception that he will always be dark, dangerous and mad that he’s never able to shake. it’s such a unique experience that no one else will ever be able to understand - not even James, despite his open acceptance of them both, because he grew up in a happy, privileged world that shaped him completely differently.

so despite their differences Sirius and Remus are equals, because they can see the things in each other that scare the rest of the world so much and never be scared. and I don’t think you can underestimate the power of feeling that seen for two people who’ve been so uniquely traumatised. starting from that is how I understand the rest of their relationship. Sirius sees Remus’s respect and kindness and compassion, and ironically I think looks past his cowardice because he has a front row seat to what Remus battles every full moon. Remus sees Sirius’s fire and capacity to love, and brushes off his rudeness and volatility because of it. and, you know, they’re able to challenge each other and wind each other up and I think that makes for a lot of fun and passion and great sex.

there’s obviously downsides to being this intertwined and ever so slightly deluded about each other, and imo Sirius is the one who loses out the most. when he makes excuses for Remus and compromises on his own best qualities for Remus’s worst ones, he bears the brunt of Remus’s cowardice. he also just does what Remus says - and I’m not making this into some dom/sub discourse, it’s just about the fact Sirius is willing to give up a lot of power to Remus and it has the potential to be toxic or manipulative. but it also means there’s an enormous amount of trust between them.

this all cracks under the pressure of the first war and then for the next 13 years where Remus believes in Sirius’s guilt enough to leave him in Azkaban. but like I said - Sirius will justify a lot of Remus’s mistakes and take the responsibility on himself, and it’s part of why he so easily forgives him. but I think it’s also partly because Remus needs absolutely no convincing once he learns even part of the truth. he’s instantly and entirely at Sirius’s side when no one else in the world is. maybe that’s not commendable considering the past 13 years, but for Sirius it holds immense value. then wrt to what I said about trust - I think that capacity to go all in despite the immense emotional risks because they just know each other so well is how they bounce back so quickly after Azkaban. they want to look past each other’s faults, they want to love each other unconditionally and so they just… do.

so. I don’t think either of them are fundamentally bad people - I think they’re both good people, but my values align with Sirius’s so I view him as a much better person than Remus. (although maybe if I was in a similar situation irl I’d also let my own version of Remus off without realising, but I digress.) most importantly they’re good people to each other. Remus loves Sirius, and that’s what makes him worthy of Sirius’s love back. after a long-ass explanation, I think it’s really just that simple.

[tinyhistory]

hi. just wanted to drop by to say that you are an inspiration to me in every way—your work has such grace and poetry & every reading will stay with me forever. i've devoured your posts on writing advice, and found the one on imagery in astra inc. so helpful. like. just getting it down first and coming back to add immersive details (!) is a lesson i've learned the hard way lol. i was wondering if you could expand a bit on how you create such immersive environments and evocative descriptions? cont

Thank you so much for your lovely ask, and for waiting so patiently for a reply. Questions about my writing always make me stop and think. I suppose when you’re busy writing, it’s not something you think about.

I think I covered a fair bit about dialogue, the general writing process, dealing with the dreaded blank page, writing vivid and meaningful descriptions, coping with writer’s block, and managing pacing issues. I think one more thing I can emphasise is repetition, which I know is a signature feature in my work.

Repetition is very effective but you need to be careful. It’s kind of like a song you like (but don’t love). It’s nice to hear it here and there, but when it’s playing non-stop everywhere you go, it quickly loses its charm.

To use a concrete example, I’ll draw on Astra Inclinant. After Teddy dies, James sits and looks at a painting of a field and watches a starling fly through it several times. This is the first time a starling is mentioned, and the painting is described in detail. As James tries to understand that Teddy is dead, the starling keeps flying its little magical loop through the painting.

After that scene — infrequently, every 2-3 chapters — a starling makes a brief appearance, usually when a character is trying to come to terms with something. And the last time a starling is mentioned — very deliberately — is in the final paragraph of the last chapter (not the epilogue) where everyone is calm, happy, and together. While Draco and Harry laze on the manor lawn, James and Scorpius relax in the gardens. And a starling pecks at the leftover crumbs of the picnic.

The starling represents not just Teddy, but death itself. Astoria, Ginny, Sirius, Remus, Tonks — all the family the main characters mourned. The presence of the starling is bittersweet. It’s sad — it’s a reminder of loss — but it’s also a representation of the fact that wherever those main characters go, they’ll always carry their lost ones with them. To add another layer, I also chose starling because it has ‘star’ in the name, and stars are a sprawling, overarching theme in the story.

I don’t think anyone noticed the starlings, but that was the point. I didn’t want it to be obvious. I just wanted readers to subconsciously connect the starling with that terrible scene in which Teddy dies, and then — every time a starling is mentioned thereafter — feel an odd sense of bittersweetness that they couldn’t really connect to any particular sentence.

So you do this with multiple things across the story. The starling is an example of how I might subtly evoke sadness, but I can also weave in particular items, phrases, words, or environments which readers will connect with other emotions: joy, anger, fear, or excitement. When you write a description, you need to think very hard about what you’re including. My starling strategy wouldn’t have worked if I’d just decided to use “bird” as a generic term, or if I’d then written the scene about the starling painting and said, “Okay, that’s done, I hope it made readers feel sad about this particular scene,” and never referred to a starling again.

Readers are clever. Don’t underestimate them. The nuance of the starling would’ve also been lost if I decided to overexplain things, and written a scene where James said, “You know, it’s odd — every time I see a starling, I feel sad.” It takes readers out of the scene and draws attention to the fact that there’s a writer hovering over their shoulder saying, “See what I did there?” At best, it ruins the immersion. At worst, you’ll lose readers who don’t appreciate the mollycoddling. Trust that your readers are smart, and trust in your own writing to stand on its own. And if nobody mentions your symbolism or other writing devices, don’t assume it means you’ve failed. Often, it means you actually succeeded. A lot of the time, readers shouldn’t notice these things (especially not on the first reading). Don’t make the mistake of thinking, “Oh, maybe it wasn’t obvious enough,” and start overdoing it. When you try to use the same cue every time for a particular emotion or atmosphere, readers not only start noticing the strategy but they also become annoyed with it. It’s sometimes a fine line — be mindful of how many times you’re using a motif and remember it’s a small part of your writing toolbox, and not something you should be solely relying upon.

Anyway, I’ll leave it here because I’ve already rambled too much, but hopefully some of this is helpful. I feel like I didn’t really answer your specific question about how I choose a particular image or theme, but truthfully it’s hard to explain how it pops into my head.

[marauders-venting]

A Doorstep of Affection

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: fluff

warnings: none

words: 2815

a/n: this is set after the second wizarding war, both sirius and remus survived, remus never married tonks and harry is living with sirius. so yeah, fluff all around :D

i sort of see this as an epilogue for my last post but it doesn’t necessarily have to be, i suppose.

“And checkmate,” Ron said, knocking Harry’s king off the board. Harry buried his face in his hands.

“With a pawn,” he groaned. “That’s just humiliating.”

“Right because the last five losses were far more dignified,” Ginny said.

“No, no, he’s right, it’s worse with a pawn,” Neville said. “I mean, of all the players to defeat your king it has to be the tiniest one. It’s an extra slap in the face.”

“I think that’s a lot like life,” Luna said. “I mean, the tiniest people or the tiniest creatures are always the ones we underestimate but they have a way of proving themselves in the end. Just look at all the damage Wrackspurts can cause humans if they want to. And they’re small enough to fit in our ears.”

“Yes, well at any rate,” Hermione said, “well done, Ron.” She kissed his cheek and Ron’s ears went red.

“You guys are cute,” Harry said. “Disgustingly cute.”

“Oh shut up, Harry,” Hermione said. Sirius let out a laugh as he walked into the living room with a cup of coffee.

“What’s so funny?” Harry asked.

“Oh it’s nothing,” Sirius said. “It’s just your dad used to say the same thing to me and Remus when we were at school.”

“You and Professor Lupin used to date?” Hermione asked.

“Yeah, when we were in our fifth year at Hogwarts,” Sirius said. “And call him Remus.”

“Wait you’re gay?” Harry asked in surprise.

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t know?” Ginny said to Harry, raising her eyebrows.

“You did?!”

“I guessed it,” she said.

“Did you know?” Harry asked Ron

“I mean I sort of suspected,” Ron shrugged.

“Does that mean Lup— does that mean Remus is gay too?” Harry asked.

“Did you honestly not know that?” Hermione asked.

“How did you know?!”

“He taught us for a year, Harry!” Hermione said, laughing.

“So?”

“He had a Pride flag in his office,” Neville said quietly, giving Harry a small exasperated smile.

“He did?” Harry said, turning to Hermione. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

“You may be the Chosen One, Harry, but you’re dumb as shit,” she sighed but grinned at her idiotic best friend.

“Remus had a Pride flag in his office?” Sirius said.

“Yeah,” Ron said. “A small one on a stick.”

“Did he keep it in a coffee mug with his pens?” Sirius asked. Harry thought he sounded excited.

“Yeah,” Hermione said. “How did you know?”

“We used to keep that flag in our apartment,” he said. “In the coffee mug and everything.”

“You lived together?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “For like 3 years after Hogwarts.”

“But you’re not together anymore?” Hermione asked. “Wait. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry. You don’t have to answer that.”

“That’s alright,” Sirius said. “No, we’re not together anymore. We haven’t been since…” He trailed off but they knew what he meant.

“But you want to be,” said Luna who had been rather quiet until now. “Don’t you?”

“I—” Sirius turned to look at her in surprise, “it’s more complicated than that.” Luna shrugged.

“Not necessarily,” she said. “Have you told him?”

“Well, no,” Sirius said. “But… you wouldn’t understand. It’s been too long, too much has happened. I–It doesn’t make sense anymore.”

“Why not?” Neville asked. “You want it, don’t you? It makes sense to you. Who’s to say that Remus isn’t thinking the same thing?”

“He isn’t,” Sirius said.

“You don’t know that,” Ginny said.

“Well, you don’t know that he is,” Sirius said.

“And you won’t know if you don’t ask,” Ron said, shrugging.

“There’s no harm in asking,” Hermione said. Sirius looked around at all of them before sighing, standing up and turning away.

“Merlin, you know you’re lonely when you talk to 17-year-olds about your problems,” Sirius muttered.

“We are right though,” Ginny called after Sirius as he disappeared into the kitchen. Sirius was saved from having to answer when Neville stood up.

“Sorry guys, I have to go,” he said. “Gran wanted me home ten minutes ago.”

“I should go too,” Luna said. “I told Daddy that I’d fish for Freshwater Plimpies so we can make soup tonight.” They said their goodbyes and Apparated straight out of the apartment.

“I should go check on my parents,” Hermione said, checking her watch. Harry and Ron had accompanied Hermione to Australia and managed to track down her parents. They managed to undo the Memory Charm with the help of several healers from St Mungo’s but both Mr and Mrs Granger were still quite disoriented and the healers decided to keep them at the hospital for a few days to ensure that they did not do any damage to themselves. Hermione had gone to the hospital to see them several times in the past few days. Harry had gone with her a few times and her parents did seem to be improving significantly.

“I’ll come with you,” Ron said, immediately. Hermione smiled.

“I’ll see you guys later then?” Harry said.

“I mean, if you want to come—” Hermione started.

“We really don’t mind, mate,” Ron said.

“Nah, you two go ahead,” Harry said.

“Okay,” Hermione said.

“But you’re coming to dinner at my place tonight,” Ron said. “Right?”

“Yeah,” Harry said with a smile. “Yeah, thanks.” Ron gave him a thumbs up.

“Ginny, tell mum I’ll help with dinner later, okay?” he said.

“Yeah okay,” she said. “I need to go home now anyway.”

“Bye guys,” Harry said.

“Bye, Harry,” they said. “And thanks for having us over, Sirius.”

“You’re welcome here any time,” Sirius said. “Hermione, say hi to your parents for us.”

“We will,” Hermione said. She took Ron’s hand and Disapparated. Ginny turned to Harry.

“I have to help my mum with something right now but Fred and George are coming over before dinner. If you come early too we can play Quidditch.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Harry said.

“So I’ll see you later?” she said.

“Yeah,” he said. “Bye, Ginny.”

“Bye,” she said. And she too Disapparated.

“You want some coffee?” Sirius called from the kitchen.

“Uh sure,” Harry said. He entered the kitchen and Sirius handed him a cup of iced coffee.

“Sirius, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course,” Sirius said. “What’s up?”

“What Luna said earlier… is it true?” Harry asked. “Do you still like Remus?” Sirius sighed.

“Yeah,” he said finally. “Yeah, it’s true.”

“Why don’t you tell him?” Harry said. Sirius hesitated before answering.

“Because if he doesn’t feel the same way, it’ll be awkward,” Sirius said, deciding to be honest with Harry. “And he’s still my friend. I don’t want to lose him.”

“Sirius, do you really think that after everything you and Remus have been through, that’s what would make things awkward?” Harry asked. Sirius was silent. Harry was making a valid point. Both he and Remus had been through hell and back. And Remus hadn’t hated him the last time Sirius had asked him out, back in their fifth year. Look even if Remus doesn’t like you back, James had said to him back then, you won’t lose him. He loves you too much to let that happen even if it’s not in the way you want it to be. Suddenly Sirius forgot every reason he had for keeping his feelings hidden from Remus.

“You’re… not wrong,” Sirius said slowly.

“Does that mean you’ll tell him?” Harry asked.

“I—” Sirius hesitated. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s great,” Harry said with a grin. “And… it’ll be okay,” he added, “no matter what happens.” Sirius smiled.

“Thanks, Harry. How did you get so wise?” he said jokingly, messing up his godson’s hair.

“Hermione is rubbing off on me,” Harry said. Sirius laughed.

“I should go,” Harry said, checking his watch. “I’m going to play Quidditch with the Weasley’s.”

“Have fun,” Sirius said.

“You’ll come to dinner, won’t you?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, if you want me there,” Sirius said.

“Thanks, Sirius,” Harry said. He hesitated for a moment, seeming unsure of himself before hugging Sirius. Sirius was taken by surprise but hugged him back.

“Is everything okay, Harry?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah,” Harry said with a grin. “Everything is fine.”

“You know you can talk to me if you want,” Sirius said. Harry nodded.

“I know.”

“Then go crush those gingers at Quidditch,” Sirius said. Harry laughed.

“We’ll see,” he said, grabbing his wand off the kitchen counter so he could Apparate. “And Sirius?”

“Yeah?”

“Go get him,” Harry said and Sirius could almost hear it.

“You know, Harry,” Sirius said, “that’s exactly what your dad said to me the first time I decided to ask Remus out.” A grin spread wide across Harry’s face at the comparison between him and his dad.

“Really?” he asked.

“Word for word,” Sirius laughed. “You’re more like him than you know. Prongslet.” Harry smiled.

“Bye… Uncle Pads.” Harry Disapparated and Sirius was left standing in the kitchen with a coffee cup, stunned.

---------

Sirius was standing on the doorstep of his and Remus’ old flat. Although he supposed it could hardly be referred to as his anymore. Sirius had spent more time in Azkaban than he had in this apartment with Remus. Remus had lived here alone for 17 years. No, it was not his flat anymore. But he still remembered when it was. He remembered it as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. The day he and Remus stood on this very doorstep, key in hand. The days when they had been young and carefree and so very in love. Sirius remembered the way they had kissed on the doorstep. He remembered the way he’d whispered in Remus’ ear. I love you. He remembered the way Remus had squeezed his hands, amber eyes glowing, kissed him again and said, “I love you too, Sirius.” He remembered the gentle way Remus had said his name. And all on this very doorstep.

Sirius stood here years later, having survived the First Wizarding War, twelve years in Azkaban and now the Second War. Both of these he survived but just barely. And now he was back. Standing here on Remus’ doorstep hoping Remus might agree for it to be their doorstep again. So Sirius took a breath and knocked on the door. And when Remus opened it, a smile flickering across his features when he saw who it was, Sirius forgot how to breathe.

“Hey, Sirius,” he said. “Is, uh, is everything okay?”

“What? Oh yeah. Yeah, everything is fine,” Sirius said. “I came, um. I just came to… to ask you something. If that’s okay.”

“Sure,” Remus said. “Do you wanna come in?”

“No, that’s alright,” Sirius said. “I won’t… I don’t want to intrude, I just wanted to ask… uh—” Sirius couldn’t find the words. He felt 15 all over again. Come to think of it, the first time he’d asked Remus out had been on a doorstep as well. Remus had been standing inside their dorm at Hogwarts, leaning on the door frame and Sirius standing just outside on the doorstep, nervous as he decided to confess his feelings to Remus after hiding them for over a year. And now he was back in the same place, in another time. And apparently, Remus was thinking the same thing.

“Well, I’m getting deja vu,” he said with a quick smile.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, letting out a nervous laugh.

“Fifth year,” Remus said. “The day you, um… the day you asked me out.” Sirius nodded. “Before everything…”

“Got so fucked up,” Sirius finished.

“Yeah,” Remus said, looking down.

“Look, I–I know a lot has changed since then,” Sirius started, “but… but not everything has to.” Remus looked back up at him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” Sirius took a deep breath, “I mean that I’m here for the same reason that I came to you that night in fifth year. I… I’m still in love with you, Remus. And I want to be with you. And I understand completely if that’s not something you want anymore. Really, I do. No hard feelings. I just… I figured you deserve to know.” Remus stared blankly at him.

“You… you’re still in love with me?” he said quietly.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “I’m sorry, Remus, I shouldn’t have—”

“Oh thank god,” Remus said. He threw his arms around Sirius and pulled him into a hug. “Thank fucking Merlin.” Sirius was taken aback but he wrapped his arms around Remus and hugged him back. They stood on that doorstep, their doorstep, the doorstep of affection, and hugged for longer than they had in years. Sirius and Remus had both been alone for so long, both trapped in solitude with nothing but their worst memories. And now that they had one another again, now that they were safe with their arms around each other, Sirius felt like nothing could hurt him anymore. He’d lived through the worst of it. Now it was just him and Remus. Together.

“I missed you so much,” Sirius whispered in his ear. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

“I missed you too,” Remus whispered back. Sirius pulled away from the hug and looked right into Remus’ beautiful, golden eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Remus breathlessly. “Yeah of course you can.” Sirius felt the butterflies in his stomach; he really did feel 15 again. Sirius leaned in and ghosted his lips across Remus’, gentle and unsure.

“Sirius?” Remus whispered, their mouths so close that Remus’ lip caught on Sirius’ tooth. Sirius swallowed hard.

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.” Sirius wrapped his hands around Remus’ neck and pulled him in, kissing him firmly. Remus’ arms snaked around Sirius’ waist and Sirius sighed as he felt the familiar pressure of Remus��� hands pressing into the small of his back. He felt Remus’ lips part and slid his tongue into Remus’ mouth, kissing him harder, more deeply, longing for what he’d been denied for over a decade. Remus tugged Sirius into the apartment, closing the door behind him, his lips still on Sirius’. He threads his fingers through Sirius’ hair and sighed into his mouth.

They break apart, both breathing heavily and holding each other close. Remus closes his eyes, resting his forehead against Sirius’, his hand wrapped around Sirius’ neck. Sirius put his finger through one of Remus’ soft, springy curls and Remus laughed. Sirius pulled back and opened his eyes to see Remus’ smile.

“You’re beautiful,” he said to Remus quietly. Remus looked away and blushed, a shy smile playing on his lips. Suddenly, the clock on the wall caught Sirius’ eye.

“Shit,” he said. “I have to go soon.” Remus’ smile faded slightly.

“Where to?” he asked, wrapping his arms possessively around Sirius’ waist.

“I promised Harry that I’d go to dinner with him at the Weasleys,” Sirius said.

“Oh.”

“Hey,” Sirius said, looking up, “why don’t you come?”

“What?”

“Why don’t you come?”

“You can’t just invite me to somebody else’s house,” Remus said with a laugh.

“Oh come on, Molly and Arthur won’t mind,” Sirius said. “You know them, the more the merrier.”

“I don’t know, Sirius,” Remus said, uncertainly. “They didn’t invite me; I don’t want to intrude.”

“Please come,” Sirius said. “For me?” He pouted and Remus rolled his eyes. “Really, Rem, please come,” Sirius added, looking hopefully into Remus’ golden honey eyes.

“Oh alright,” Remus said with a smile. “I’m asking Molly first though.”

“Okay,” Sirius said brightly.

“You don’t think Harry will mind?” Remus asked.

“No, why would he?” Sirius asked but Remus merely shrugged. “Harry convinced me to do this, y’know,” Sirius added.

“He did?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “He basically told me exactly what James told me when we were at Hogwarts the first time I… you know. What would we do without the Potters, right?” Remus grinned.

“What indeed,” he said. “They’re frighteningly similar aren’t they? James and Harry?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “He’s like Lily as well.”

“Yeah,” Remus said. “A lot like her. They’d be so proud of him.”

“You should tell him that,” Sirius said. “I think he’d like to hear it.” Remus nodded.

“Yeah, he would.” Remus glanced at the clock. “How long do we have before we have to go?” he asked.

“Five minutes,” Sirius said.

“Five minutes?” Remus said. “I can work with that.” He smirked and leaned towards Sirius pressing their lips together. And as he does, Remus found himself feeling lucky. Here he was, alive at the end of both Wizarding Wars, holding the love of his life in his arms. He’s not young anymore, not carefree but he’s still very much in love. And Sirius loves him back. Sirius had come to tell him that he still loves Remus despite everything. And that was more than Remus had ever dared to hope for. And just for a second, he let himself consider that maybe, just maybe, he could be happy again.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Come Now, Little Prince

Prompts: Hey uh... *brushed off dust from crashing in through the roof* Could you write something about Roman or Remus having Agoraphobia and them getting trapped somewhere? My brain just wants to relate. If not that’s fine! Love your writing! - anon

Might I suggest,,,, writing trope where the severely hurt person goes to their nemesis and says “sorry, I just didn’t have anywhere else to go” but it’s with Roman and Janus - 1namelessalien1

Ahh, yes, the inevitable. Honestly a lil surprised I haven't done this sooner but here we go! Finally...

Read on Ao3

Pairings: roceit, dukeceit, creativitwins. can be platonic or romantic you choose save for creativitwins. they brothers

Warnings: roman gets stabbed and has to get stitches, agoraphobia

Word Count: 7611

Cities are full of bright lights and shadows alike. Those that live in the light, the heroes, the 'good guys.' Those that live in the shadows, their grisly work only illuminated when the sun deigns to show its face again. Sometimes the shadows are too deep. Sometimes the spotlights are too much.

The Prince, Roman Prince, is the Golden Boy of the city. The newsreels, the cameras, the public adore him. But they don't see the winces when the bulbs go off right in his face, or whispers to be better, do better, perform better from the people that pull him aside after every daring adventure.

No one knows the name Janus, but they know his work. They don't shout, they whisper. They huddle together in the dark, searching for the light so as not to get caught in his coils.

But sometimes, when spotlights are too bright and shadows too flat, a little prince will make its way into the snake's den.

He didn’t mean to.

He didn’t mean to.

It just—his hand slipped and they fell and they—they—

He didn’t mean to drop them. They weren’t—they weren’t supposed to fall but the knife hurt too much and he flinched and he—he—

The choppers roar around the roof, battering his head with their noise, noise, noise. The wind whips up around the concrete railing, whistling, whining, wailing as the body falls down, down, down. The searchlights glint off the knife as they pull it down with them.

And then he is alone, in a crowd, on the top of a roof, king of the clouds.

The lights glare in his face as their body disappears. Then…then…

Then fear.

———————————

One of the best things about being seen as a ‘super villain,’ and how gauche is that term, is that no one wants to ask too many questions when you rent an apartment. There are really far too many landlords that want to get to know you, want to be your friend, while knowing full well that they participate in a system where there is no ethical consumption or behavior. Really, if he ever starts renting his own property, there will be no illusions on his end.

But hey, at least these ones know not to put their noses where they’ll get bitten off if they poke too far.

Janus sighs, opening the cupboard and taking the teacup down. The kettle whistles merrily on the stove as he reaches for the tea boxes.

Black, green, white, herbal…really, there are so many options. What to have for tonight, then? It is awfully late in the evening, there’s no real justification for consuming caffeine. Then again, he’ll do what he likes.

His phone buzzes. His real phone, not the one everyone sees him carry when he’s out and about. He rolls his eyes and takes the kettle off the heat as he spots the name on the text notification.

R. Sanders: 1 new notification

“What’ve you done now, Remus,” he mutters as he slides the message open, “and which one of your messes am I cleaning up now?”

The message opens to a report. Brief, as is the style of all the reports Janus demands, but the thing that gives him pause is just how brief.

Remus, as one can very well imagine, is…not exactly compliant when it comes to following the rules. And while that can be useful in its own special way, it does mean that Janus occasionally has to factor emojis out of Remus’s reports.

Well, more than occasionally.

But this time the report is two sentences. Janus pours the water into the teapot as he glances over the words.

R. Sanders: Slaughter down at 85th and Marilyn. The head of the beast is cut off.

Well, on paper, that should be a fantastic report. The rival infringing on Janus’s turf has been, ah, taken down a few notches.

That’s undermined considerably by the fact that this report lacks any of Remus’s enthusiasm.

Janus sighs as he settles on the loose-leaf blueberry mint tea, placing the cup aside to brew as he wanders toward the window. Perhaps Remus is simply tired from all this work today. It wouldn’t be the first time the man’s manic energy had been tempered by a good amount of strenuous activity. And cutting off the head of the beast was never going to be a simple job to begin with. True, it was always an issue with causing more collateral damage than Janus was personally comfortable with, but what’s done is done.

The city starts to slumber, the last of the pleasant natural light fading from the sky, giving way to the horrid stained brown of the light pollution. The skyscrapers barely flinch in the oncoming night, instead choosing to stand firm as the workers inside slave away. The smaller shops close their doors, the nighttime crowds vanishing into subway tunnels and bus stations. Janus leans against the window, the glass reflecting the elegant lines of his suit alongside the angles of the buildings.

If he were slightly less himself, he’d say it looks like he belongs here.

When the light fades further, he sighs, turning away and fetching his tea. He drops into his favorite chair next to the window and raises the cup to his mouth.

The head of the beast has been cut off. He has no appointments, no reports, no debriefings to attend. He has his cup of tea, Remus will handle anything that blows up on the networks. It is the perfect evening to be alone, secure in his apartment.

So of course, there has to be something that sends a prickle up the back of his neck.

Why is Remus’s report sitting with him like this? This should be fantastic news, he should be willing to open the bottle of champagne that’s sat in preparation for this moment. And yet, as he raises the cup to his mouth again, his teeth hit the rim and he jolts, spilling a little more than he meant to into his mouth. He swallows, thankful that there’s no one else here to see it, and sets the cup and saucer aside.

He folds his gloved hands behind his back and goes to the window again.

If there were something wrong, someone would tell him. He has eyes all over the city, ears everywhere, and those under his employ know better than to try and cross him. Remus is alive and well—clearly, given by the way the evening’s progressed so far—and wouldn’t hesitate to gleefully drag anyone he suspected into his rooms or an abandoned warehouse.

He spares a glance over his shoulder. The phone stays silent.

Fingers tap against his hand as he looks down. Not for the first time, he wonders what it must be like, down there, scurrying about, without the faintest idea of what it looks like from up here. Oh, he’s walked on the sidewalk outside his building, who hasn’t, that’s how he gets into the building in the first place, but…not like that.

The outside world is so…temperamental. So many people, so many things. There is no better place to be alone than a crowded city street, but there is no more dangerous a place to be yourself.

When he’s finished his cup of tea, and the prickle has not left the back of his neck alone, he stifles a curse and turns. Remus will listen to him. Or, more precisely, Remus will ramble and scheme and reassure him that nothing is wrong. He might get a strange look—because while everyone else can underestimate how much Remus sees at their own peril, Janus never has—but he will do it.

Janus opens the door, idly wondering if he needs to bring his coat, and abruptly stops walking.

There is someone on their knees right outside his door.

Well.

That would explain the feeling he’s had of something being wrong, how on earth his security system didn’t alert him to their presence is beyond him. He doesn’t bother to hide his sigh as he pulls his cane from the holder and tilts their chin up.

“I’m certain that you must be…”

Janus trails off as he tilts up a chin to reveal a bloodstained, agonized expression of someone who should not be here.

“I’m sorry,” Roman Prince says in the voice of a lost child, “I didn’t—I didn’t know where else to go.”

Janus’s fingers twitch on the cane as he watches the roll of Roman’s throat.

“Y-you said if I—if I—ever needed help one day to know better than to—to try and go back to th-them.”

Remus’s report is beginning to make more sense.

Janus remembers. Janus remembers this upstart pain in his ass getting in the way of many operations, from transports to exchanges to hostage negotiations. He remembers the crooked smile straight out of a movie as this little shit got in the way of everything, including his resolve to not get involved with any of the so-called heroes that ran around in this city in their spandex and naiveté.

He remembers shaking his head at this shiny new one and saying that when he realized the world was much, much grayer than he wanted to believe, Janus would be there to watch. He remembers a softer offer, after a rescue had resulted in a building—abandoned, but a building—blowing up and the poor thing looking like someone had kicked his puppy.

He remembers watching the rival’s henchmen carted off to jail as the hero of the hour was reprimanded for causing too much collateral damage by the people who supposedly adored him.

“You were right,” Roman continues in that lost, lost voice, “I’m—I’m sorry.”

It takes Roman reaching for him for Janus to remember what is going on and the cane jerks his head up higher, forcing him to stop. Janus narrows his eyes at the hero kneeling on the floor, takes in the blood on his face, his neck, his hands.

“Why are you here,” he asks, wrenching that chin just a little higher, “why did you come to me?”

“You said you would help,” comes the reply, “if I—if I didn’t want to do this anymore.”

Has the perfect prince killed someone for the first time? Is that what’s brought on this little display?

His eyes trail lower, looking for the weapon.

The light from his apartment shines on a tunic stained with blood, cut and torn, and a dark, ugly stain that is not getting any smaller.

Roman’s head lolls forward, almost nuzzling Janus’s thigh as it slips off the cane. His hair sticks to his face, too soaked with blood.

Janus’s eyes go wide.

Roman Prince is here, on his knees, bleeding out because he has nowhere else to go. He came to Janus, the person he should trust the least out of everyone in this city, and he’s here on his knees, pleading.

The hand not on the cane twitches, then slowly reaches forward to find the least bloody spot on Roman’s head. It runs gently through his hair and finds its way to his chin, lifting it up once more. Roman’s eyes, full of tears, stare back at him.

“Come inside, little prince,” Janus says, his voice far softer than he would normally allow, “you’re bleeding all over my carpet.”

There aren’t many places to go that aren’t carpeted inside Janus’s apartment, but they make it over the threshold before Roman’s state begins to truly worry him.

How did he even get here? By how much blood there is, surely he would’ve passed out by now? Roman seems oblivious to his inside questions, simply looks around for wherever Janus is leading him before he notices how much blood he’s leaving behind him.

“It’s alright,” Janus says, surprising the both of them, “I can have the floor cleaned.”

Roman just blinks at him. And oh, if it doesn’t hurt to see that innocence still in the eyes of the little lamb, even as the wolf goes to take his arm.

“The bathroom is through this way,” he says softly, “come now…”

It is an odd experience, surely, to have one’s own nemesis bloody, wounded, completely at his mercy, as he strips off his suit jacket and rolls up his sleeves, and want to do nothing but hunt down the people that made him this way.

Roman sits like a broken doll, he realizes as he watches the man ease himself down and wait as Janus pulls on a pair of plastic gloves. He is not uncooperative when Janus pushes his limbs to the side, snipping away at the fabric, trying to figure out what precisely is going on. He does not protest when Janus finds the stab wound and presses a cloth harshly on top, nor when Janus grabs his hand and bids him to hold it there, hard. He is not unfeeling, just very, very quiet as Janus begins to douse the pads in antiseptic.

He doesn’t flinch when Janus cleans the wound as best he can—he’s no doctor, after all—before muttering that it’s going to need stitches.

“Oh,” he mumbles instead, “okay.”

“Yes, so—hold still,” he barks, forcing Roman to sit back down, “where do you think you’re going?”

Roman blinks. “You said it needs stitches.”

“Yes, which is why you shouldn’t be moving.”

“I was going to go get the stitches.”

Now it’s Janus’s turn to blink. “I will stitch you up, Roman, now stay.”

And there’s that lamb-like innocence again as Roman tilts his head. “You will?”

“I may not be a doctor,” Janus mutters, twisting to grab the first aid kit, “but I do know how to suture a wound.”

He takes a few more wipes and cleans the blood he can, pointedly ignoring Roman’s attentive look.

“You could be a doctor,” comes the mumble, “you seem…good at it.”

Janus huffs. “Less a doctor, more a medic.”

Roman’s brows furrow. “What’s the difference?”

“A doctor fixes you, a medic makes dying more comfortable.”

There’s a moment of silence. Janus half-expects the poor thing to seize up in fear, tremble before him, or—god forbid—try and fight him, but he does none of that. Because that would make sense.

Instead, Roman just closes his eyes and lets his head fall to the side against the tiled wall.

“You don’t have to make it comfortable then.”

Janus’s hands falter for a moment. His eyes flick to Roman’s bloodstained face before refocusing on the wound in front of him.

“You’re not going to die here,” he says firmly, and if he starts to work a little more quickly, that’s his business, not yours.

“Oh.”

“I imagine you wouldn’t’ve come here with the intent to die on my doorstep, that’s quite rude, you know.”

“…no.”

Now, see, as the best liar in the city, Janus knows when he hears one.

The absurdity of the situation strikes him once again, fainter this time, but still there. Roman Prince is here, bloody, wounded—fatally so if Janus hadn’t started tending to him right when he did— forced to roll over and show his belly, Janus’s teeth at his throat, and yet Janus reaches up to turn that pretty face to his.

“Tell me what happened, little prince,” he commands softly.

Roman swallows. “I didn’t mean to.”

Janus simply raises an eyebrow and starts to stitch up the wound. Roman doesn’t flinch but accepts the silent chide.

“I-it was the building security guard,” he mumbles, “they called in that someone was firing shots in the upper stories and couldn’t—couldn’t get away in time. They were—they—the call wasn’t completed.”

They died while they were on the line, Roman doesn’t say, but Janus hears it.

“Wh-when I got there, there were—they must’ve thought there was a mole in the—on the inside and they started—they were—“

They were killing their own people, Janus realizes, hiding his disgust behind another tied-off suture. He’s starting to have an awful feeling about where Roman’s been tonight.

“Something went wrong in one of the labs. They made a toxin, and it—it—“ Roman swallows— “it drove them insane.”

It made them homicidal, they killed each other.

“I...I think they were going to flee from the roof.”

As Janus ties off the last suture, he freezes.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, no.

“I tried to stop them,” Roman whispers, “I was holding onto them, it was windy, they were going to fall, they ran too fast out of the door, I caught them, I—I had them, they—they were going to be safe but then they—they—“

Janus presses two fingers to the warm chest next to the wound. He can feel Roman’s heart jumping. He rubs in slow circles.

“They stabbed me,” Roman finishes, “and I—I—I—“

A small noise that sounds too much like a sob swallows the rest of his words.

Oh, this poor little prince…

Roman swallows another sob. “I’m sorry.”

Janus tilts his head. “What’re you apologizing to me for, little prince?”

“Well, I can’t imagine that this is how you imagined spending your evening.”

“No,” Janus says, folding his hands in front of him, “but I can’t imagine this is how you imagined spending yours either.”

The little prince bruises as easily as ever, only this time he doesn’t bother to hide behind his bravado.

“Off,” Janus says softly, tugging lightly at the remains of Roman’s costume, “the rest of you needs to be cleaned.”

He watches unashamed as Roman follows his instruction, eyes traveling over the scars littering the body revealed to him piece by piece. Too many scars. When he stands bare, Janus takes his hands and deliberately cleans them of the blood.

Roman doesn’t stop trembling until Janus has cleaned away every last bit.

The costume will need to be disposed of, there’s no saving it. The floor in the bathroom is littered with bits of blood and the carpet near the door will need to be cleaned quickly. Luckily the cleaner that Janus employs is well-accustomed to such a request. Instead, Janus walks back to the bedroom.

There the little prince sits, looking far too much like a lost child. Janus pauses at the door, tugging his normal gloves back on.

The little prince looks far too good wrapped in Janus’s colors.

“Why did you come to me, little prince,” he asks after a moment, “you had no way of knowing that I wouldn’t kill you.”

Roman lowers his head and the lie from the bathroom plays uncomfortably in his head. Janus tilts his head as Roman clears his throat.

“I thought—part of me thought you would.”

A harsh laugh tears out of his throat before he can stop it. “So what, I was to be your confessional? You would fall on your knees, repent, and I would put you out of your misery? Or put you down, like some misbehaved dog?”

Roman hunches his shoulders. Janus’s mirth disappears in a flash.

“…maybe.”

Roman Prince dragged himself from the roof of 85th and Marilyn, all the way across the city to Janus’s real apartment, disarmed his security, and did not once tend to the stab wound in his chest.

Roman Prince witnessed a slaughter, watched people be driven out of their minds, and dropped someone who did their very best to kill him off a roof by accident.

Roman Prince fell to his knees in front of the one man in this city who he knew would be capable of killing him without a second thought.

“…do you want me to kill you?”

There’s a softness in his voice again, one that slipped unbidden into the words to make the blow seem more like a caress.

“I would make it quick,” he murmurs, still leaning against the doorway, watching the little prince, “it wouldn’t hurt.”

Roman looks at him. The child is lost, so lost, and so, so tired. He opens his mouth.

“Don’t you want to?”

…well.

Does he? Certainly, the little prince has caused more than his fair share of mishaps, messes, and mistakes, and putting him out of the equation permanently benefits Janus in more ways than one. And it’s not like it would be difficult. No one knows Roman is here, let alone anyone who would care, and even fewer that wouldn’t expect him to never be seen alive again. Janus could kill him in half a dozen ways in the next minute that Roman couldn’t possibly fight against, a dozen more that would take scarcely any longer.

Unbidden, his mind begins to list off the possibilities. The gun in the cabinet, the knife tucked into his shirt, the poison stored in the bathroom, even snapping the little prince’s neck.

But he takes one more look at the little prince and all of them vanish in an instant.

“Why did you come here?” he murmurs again.

Roman lets out a long breath. His hand on the borrowed shirt tightens and loosens, tightens and loosens.

“You’re the only one I trust,” he tells him quietly, and it’s the saddest thing he could’ve possibly said.

Janus crosses the room and cups the back of the little prince’s neck. Roman just bows his head, the little lamb waiting for another hand to come up and twist. Janus bites back the snarl of rage at how resigned Roman is to dying tonight and brushes his thumb along the curve of his cheek.

Stroke by stroke, he coaxes the tears from the little prince’s eyes and wipes them away.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he murmurs, leaning his weight against the edge of the bed, “there’s nothing you could’ve done.”

“I could’ve held on.”

“You’d just been stabbed, flinching is a perfectly understandable reaction.”

“But I’ve been stabbed before.”

“It’s not like you build up an immunity to knives going into you.”

“But I—“ Roman cuts himself off, curling his fist tightly in his lap.

“What is it, little prince?”

He just shakes his head firmly, lips pressed tightly together, red blooming on his cheeks.

Well, at least there’s blood flowing properly again. “We’re well past the point of embarrassment, little prince,” Janus remarks gently, “and if you’re worried about sharing weaknesses with me now…”

“I got scared,” Roman blurts, sounding every bit the reprimanded child. Janus pets his hair absentmindedly, encouraging him to speak again. When he won’t, Janus hums quietly.

“You were stabbed,” he reminds again, “that’s understandable.”

“Not of being stabbed.”

Janus frowns. “What then, little prince?”

“I…”

“I won’t harm you, little prince,” Janus murmurs when he hesitates.

“…I got scared of being outside.”

Janus’s hand pauses in Roman’s hair before gently lifting his chin. “What do you mean, little prince, that you were scared of being outside?”

“There—there was nowhere to go, I couldn’t get out, I couldn’t escape, there were too many people, the choppers were so—so loud and I—I didn’t know what to do—“

Fucking hell, Janus realizes as he shushes the little prince tenderly, he’s agoraphobic.

Flashes of their fights and altercations start to make more sense now. Why Roman prefers fighting in dark, cramped warehouses, why losing the hero on public transportation was so easy, why he almost never confronted Janus in public in broad daylight even though he clearly knows where Janus lives.

The weight of the expectations on Roman…how difficult his chosen occupation must be…how little support he gets for something that makes it infinitely harder for him…

Janus doesn’t realize he’s cradling Roman’s head until he strokes his thumb down his cheek and feels the soft brush of hair against his forearm. He looks down and sees Roman’s eyes all but flutter shut, lulled by the gentle touch against his face.

Trapped under the spotlights of the world, laid bare, stripped by their merciless eyes, unable to look away, escape from what they would only see as a colossal failure…

No wonder Roman sought out a denizen of the shadows where he could be sure no one would look for him.

What should, by all rights, feel like a cage to Roman might just become a den.

The snake tightens its coils protectively around the little prince and leans down to whisper in Roman’s ear.

“You’re safe, now,” he soothes, “there is no one else here but me, and I will look after you. There are no expectations here, you cannot do something wrong. I’m here to help you.”

The snake hisses in contentment as the little prince slumps into the coils, letting it pick him up and deposit him gently in the mass of the den, leaving only for a brief moment before returning to his side.

“Shh, shh,” he soothes as Roman blinks about in confusion, “you need to rest, I’ll be right here.”

“Why—what—“ Roman’s head hits the pillow and Janus almost laughs at how quickly his eyes close— “why’re you…helping?”

“You came to me for help, little prince.”

“But you…care?”

And oh, if that doesn’t make the snake’s cold black heart beat warmly in its chest.

“You may be surprised, little prince,” it hisses, drawing the little prince closer and closer, “but you’re not that difficult to care for.”

No, Janus decides, resigning himself to a night of little sleep as he watches Roman’s breathing begin to even out, stroking a hand through his hair, the little prince isn’t so hard to care for after all.

The snake has never been one to spare those that wander carelessly into its den, but this little prince did not do it carelessly. And it is surprisingly easy for Janus to soothe the remaining prickle on the back of his neck by scratching his fingers lightly along the back of Roman’s, to gentle the furrow in Roman’s sleep with a murmured reassurance into the little prince’s ear. The night passes slowly as the little prince dozes under the snake’s coils.

Only later, when the sun has begun to rise, does he realize he’s left his phone on the counter. He sighs, extricating himself gingerly from the sleeping Roman and going back to the kitchen.

R. Sanders: 1 new notification

He glances toward the bedroom and opens the text.

R. Sanders: if you don’t get your security system back online yourself in the next 30 seconds I’m coming over

Well, considering this message is from two minutes ago, Janus simply sighs and opens the door.

“That,” Remus snarls as he stalks inside, “is not the point.”

“I was about to reboot the system, Remus, do calm yourself.”

“I’m not the one who spent the entire fucking night in an unsecured location!”

Janus raises an eyebrow. “By all means, Remus, do keep shouting about my security system at the top of your lungs while the door is still open.”

Remus mutters angrily to himself but has the decency—or perhaps, the self-preservation—to quiet down while Janus shuts the door and turns the security system back on.

“Now then,” he says easily, setting the kettle to boil again—blueberry mint really was the correct choice to make last night— “what would you like to drink?”

Remus regards his tea boxes like he regards the new bottles of bleach.

“You still don’t keep coffee in your house, do you?” At Janus’s look, he sighs. “Just hot water.”

“Splendid.”

Janus takes his time setting up his teapot. Looseleaf black tea, a new teacup, the honey laid out just so, all while Remus’s tapping gets more and more impatient. But Remus is a good dog, he’ll wait until he’d given leave to speak again.

“I imagine you must have a reason for infringing upon my privacy this morning,” Janus says as he stirs the honey into the tea, “if not just to turn my system back on so that a corpse could not be tampered with.”

“I didn’t know if you were fucking dead, Jan,” Remus snarls, and oh, the poor thing was worried. How touching.

“I’m fine, Remus,” Janus says, softening his voice just the barest amount, “and it certainly speaks to the faith you have in me.”

“Yeah, yeah, faith in your something.”

“Come now, dear, let’s not be crass.”

“You like me crass.”

Janus hides a smile behind the rim of his cup. There’s the Remus that was missing from the report. Though as he looks at the loyal minion sitting across from him, he sees that something is still bothering him.

“Well, if that’s all then?”

Remus takes the bait. “Wasn’t us.”

“Pardon?”

“The beast,” Remus mutters, still glancing around the apartment, “wasn’t us.”

Then he spots the blood.

In Remus’s defense, Janus did open the door right as he arrived and he was definitely given time to look around before Janus swept him into a conversation. Still, the fact that it took Remus this long to spot the blood is…well.

“Shit—“ Remus springs to his feet— “are you hurt? How many?”

“Keep your voice down,” Janus murmurs, “I’m not hurt.”

“Then explain to me why there’s blood everywhere—“

“Keep your voice down.”

“Why the fuck should I keep my voice down? Someone was here, there’s fucking blood—“

Both of them freeze as a rustle of covers comes from the other room. Remus’s eyes widen and his hand goes to the gun at his side. In two quick steps, he’s almost to the bedroom.

Janus catches him by the arm.

“Don’t.”

The steel in his tone finally gets Remus to settle, the man glancing at the door once before allowing himself to be held in place.

“What the hell is going on here,” he hisses, finally keeping his voice down, “what aren’t you telling me?”

“Stay out of that room,” Janus orders, even though it’s a redundancy at this point, “and tell me what else you know.”

Remus opens his mouth to protest but a look quells him. He glances at the door one more time before sighing.

“By the time we got there, everything was over. There were network choppers crawling over every inch of that place, swarming with civvies. We had to fence to get in. Janus, they—“

If Remus has to take a breath, what the hell happened?

“God, Janus, it’s like someone gave a neurotic thirteen-year-old a hallucinogenic and a sledgehammer and told ‘em the building was a giant whack-a-mole.” Remus shakes his head. “Heads bashed in, eyes gouged out, like they—they—“

“Like they did it to each other,” Janus finishes.

Remus nods, his face pale. He looks up at Janus and it’s the second time in the last twelve hours he’s been caught off guard by someone’s expression.

“Jan, it’s bad,” he says quietly, “if they—we’re lucky it only got into that building.”

“And you’re certain it’s contained?”

“Someone tripped the quarantine field. The building locked down. Only way out was the roof.” Remus shakes his head. “The head of the beast was splayed out on the street, spine snapped in half, bloody knife. Like he was pinned up like a butterfly.”

He quirks his brow.

“Gotta admire the craftsmanship.”

Janus nods. Remus notices his silence and steps a little closer.

“So who the fuck is in that room?”

As if on cue, there’s another muffled hiss.

“Don’t,” Janus says when Remus’s hand goes to his gun again, “you’ll scare him.”

Now Remus looks at him like he'd grown another head. “Who the fuck is in that room?”

Janus bites back a curse when there are more noises.

“The person who cut the head off.”

“If you think that’s gonna stop me from getting in there—“

“Remus.”

Remus subsides, looking at him carefully. Janus sighs. Remus knows better than to directly disobey an order, and if Janus pushes, Remus will leave.

And yes, part of the snake wants to wrap around its den and keep its precious charge safe from anything else.

A larger part of Janus knows that keeping this information completely under wraps will become a liability quickly.

“Watch the door,” Janus says, letting Remus go.

Remus hasn’t worked for him for this long without picking up some of his observational skills, so he goes without complaint. Janus opens the door to the bedroom and has to stop the fond smile on his face as he sees the little prince trying to feign sleep. As if it’s going to work.

He crosses the room and leans down.

“You can stop pretending now, little prince.”

Roman’s eyes open and the snake hisses gently, noticing the pressure the little prince’s position is putting on his stitches.

“By all means, ruin the work it took to suture you up,” he remarks dryly, chuckling as Roman quickly—and carefully—rolls onto his back, “better.”

“D-do—I can go now,” Roman mumbles, “if—if you—if you want. I can leave. You don’t have to see me again, I’ll—I’ll go.”

Janus quirks an eyebrow. “And let you leave without breakfast? How rude of me.”

Roman’s eyes widen. “N-no, I didn’t mean—you don’t—I—“

“Hush, little prince,” Janus murmurs, petting Roman’s hair again, “none of that now.”

Roman’s eyes keep darting around the room, from the closed door to Janus’s hands to his face and away again. Janus frowns.

“Oh, little prince, have you always been so afraid of me?”

“Yes.”

The honesty takes Janus by surprise. Roman Prince has never been afraid of him, at least not like this, like some creature constantly bracing for a blow. He’s responded brilliantly to whatever jibes Janus throws at him during one of their altercations, always ready with a quip on his tongue or a pretty blush to a flirtation. He’s not—he’s never been this.

Perhaps the little prince is a better actor than I gave him credit for.

There are not many people in this city capable of doing that.

Then there’s the sudden realization that the reassurances from the night will no longer work. Roman was safe because he was alone with Janus, there was nothing he could do wrong that would hurt him, there was an easy way to escape if need be. But now Remus is here, there’s another variable to worry about.

And Roman is no match for the both of them.

“Let me have a look, little prince,” he says instead, leaning down to gently tug the shirt up and out of the way. Despite the hero’s movement, there’s no blood, no popped stitches. The wound will still be tender for a while yet, but there’s nothing to worry about. Not at the moment. He says as much, ending with a soft: “sit up, let’s get you something to eat.”

Roman glances at the door again.

“Remus won’t hurt you,” Janus reassures, “not while I’m here.”

Roman’s head whips around so quickly he frets that the little prince will snap his own neck.

“R-Remus?”

Janus blinks. “Yes, Remus, he’s who’s here, he works for me.”

“Remus Sanders?”

He quirks a brow. “And here I thought you didn’t bother to learn my staff.”

“N-no, Remus Sanders, he’s—he’s not dead?”

Not dead?

Judging by the sudden silence in the other room, Janus has about three seconds to brace for it before Remus slams the door open.

Remus’s eyes are giant, his face almost drained of color. Three quick steps and he’s got a fist in Roman’s shirt, wrenching him away from Janus and slamming him up against a wall.

“Remus,” Janus barks, “put him down.”

It says something about Remus’s state of mind that he doesn’t even register Janus’s command. Instead, the man has a knife pressed to Roman’s throat, every muscle in his body bunched up like a clenched fist.

Roman hasn’t flinched. He’s just staring at Remus, his hands sliding and scrabbling uselessly at Remus’s shoulders.

“Y-you’re alive,” he keeps mumbling, “you’re not dead, you’re alive, you’re safe, you’re—you’re—“

Remus abruptly lets Roman go, shoves him further against the wall and yanks the shirt out of the way to see the stitches. The knife goes back in its holster as Roman keeps babbling about how Remus is alive.

“Was it him,” Remus asks in a soft, dangerous voice, cutting through Roman’s babble, “did that bastard stab you?”

Roman jerks his head up and down.

“…well, at least you finally learned how to stand up to your bullies.”

Ah.

Janus must be getting rusty.

“As much as I hate to interrupt the family reunion,” he says, startling the brothers, “I believe there is still business to attend to.”

Remus has the decency to look a little ashamed at directly disobeying several orders now, but the little prince is still staring at Remus like his life depends on it. Janus shakes his head, crossing the room to gently take his chin again.

“You need to eat, little prince,” he murmurs, “come now.”

He doesn’t have to ask Remus to help the little prince to the kitchen. By the time he’s followed them out—and made sure his tea isn’t ruined—Remus has Roman sitting on one of the bar stools, stood next to him, every bit the guard dog as Roman clutches Remus’s tactical vest. As Janus starts to get something together for Roman to eat, Remus doesn’t move once. Instead, he lets Roman cling onto him, mumble to himself, and absentmindedly rub his cheek against Remus’s chest.

Janus sets a plate of food in front of Roman and picks up his tea again, taking a sip and staring at them over the rim of the cup.

This could be a problem.

Remus’s loyalty is not easily won, nor is it easily lost. The man’s been dragged behind a truck by his fingernails and not squealed once. And yet as Remus lifts his head—finally—and looks at Janus, it’s the first time he’s seen that loyalty waver.

Janus stares back. Remus knows better than to try and cross him. Remus himself has been the blunt instrument that disposes of those who did. Remus knows the extent of Janus’s influence better than anyone else, aside from Janus himself.

And still, that loyalty wavers.

The little prince, oblivious to the staring match happening over his head, mumbles a small thanks as he starts to eat. His hands are still shaking. Remus steps closer, pressing Roman further into the counter and the little prince lets him. The message is clear.

This is the one thing of Remus’s that he won’t let Janus take.

Which would be a problem—or wouldn’t be, depending on how quickly Remus cooperates—if Janus weren’t currently dividing his attention between Remus and how his hands are itching to wipe the last speck of blood from the little prince’s hairline.

It takes barely a glance for Remus to understand that Janus would never.

“Little prince,” Janus murmurs, coming around to the other side of the counter once Roman finishes, “I need to have a talk with Remus, do you think you can sleep a little more?”

“I can try.”

“Let’s have you try.” Janus glances at Remus.

“C’mon, Ro-Bro,” Remus says quietly, one arm around Roman’s waist, “back to bed.”

“Re?”

“I gotcha, Roro, I’m right here.”

How adorable.

Remus closes the bedroom door and there’s a long pause.

“Fuck.”

“My thoughts exactly.” Janus takes another sip of his tea. “Does anyone else know what happened?”

“The networks have a hold of the main story, they won’t know what happened inside until the lockdown expires, but Jan—if he was there—“

“The choppers saw him.”

“Shit.”

“They saw him drop the beast’s head but him fleeing the scene won’t look good.”

“I’ve got the team scrambling the data, the location of the beast’s head won’t reach the airwaves.”

“Good.”

Another pause.

“…why’d he come here?”

Janus settles the cup back in its saucer. “…he said I was the only one he could trust.”

Remus snarls. “As if we needed more proof that they treat their people like shit.”

“Believe me, I’ve got quite the list of people I’d like to question.”

Remus bares his teeth. “Don’t do it without me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, dear.” He watches Remus stare at the door. “So…you have a brother?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t know that from the extensive background check you did.”

Janus accepts it, setting the teacup aside. “The famous Roman Prince…oh, how the mighty have fallen.”

Remus’s head flicks sharply around to stare at him. But Janus says it with none of his usual flare, dragging his gloved fingertips along the counter.

“Has he always been so…” He fumbles for the right word.

There isn’t one.

Thankfully, Remus understands what he’s trying to get at.

“It’s hard not to,” he mumbles, “even when I hated him—and I hated him, he was always…”

Remus trails off into silence too.

“There was never a moment where I didn’t know that he was still my fucking brother.”

This is dangerous.

The closest thing Janus has to a weakness, up until this point, has been Remus. And Remus is a loyal man, but even he knows Janus will watch him die and feel only the slightest bit of remorse that a useful tool will no longer be in use.

But not anymore.

“I think he wanted me to kill him,” Janus murmurs, noting the way that Remus jerks in surprise.

“Do you think that’s why he came?”

“He told me that I was right,” he says, “that I was—that he remembered I’d told him if he ever realized he couldn’t do it anymore, if he ever needed help, that he should know better than to go back to the people that pretend to care about him.”

“You basically told him you’d be his suicide gun?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Remus,” Janus says lowly, looking up.

Remus regards him. “Would you have?”

“Killed him?”

“Yes.”

Could he have killed Roman Prince? Yes, easily.

Can he kill the little prince in the bedroom?

“My God,” Remus breathes, “you can’t do it, can you?”

Janus shakes his head. Like it or not, the snake can’t kill the little prince.

“So what now?”

Janus stands up straight. “The city isn’t just going to let Roman Prince disappear, not like that. They’re going to look for him. He’s going to have to make another public appearance.”

“And we have to clean up the rest of the mess.”

“That we’re used to,” Janus sighs, “that I’m not worried about.”

“You’re worried about Roman’s people trying to look for him.” Janus nods. “We’ve got feelers out, we can keep tabs on that.”

“Good.”

Remus spares another glance at the door. “Are you gonna keep him here until then?”

“Yes.”

He lets out a low whistle.

“Go. Get to work.”

“Aye aye, boss.” Remus fixes him with one last look before he disappears out the door.

Janus walks to the bedroom. This time the fond smile crawls across his face unhindered.

“You don’t have to pretend, little prince,” he says as he crosses the room, “if you can’t sleep, you can’t sleep.”

Roman blinks up at him as Janus sits on the edge of the bed. “Sorry.”

“No need for apologies.” He tilts his head to the side. “I never offered you painkillers, are you alright?”

Roman nods.

“Roman,” he asks softly, “why did you come here?”

There’s a pause.

“You said that you remembered me telling you that you could,” he continues, “and that you…trusted me, and yet you seemed surprised that I was—I am willing to help.”

“Still am.”

Remus’s words play in his head again. “You said you remembered what I said—and you be honest with me now,” he says, giving Roman a look, “did you want me to kill you?”

Roman swallows. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

And oh, Janus has waited so long to hear those words from that pretty mouth but not like this.

He pulls a tissue from the side table and tilts Roman’s head just so to get that last speck of blood, pausing at the way Roman shudders under his touch.

“When was the last time someone touched you,” he asks gently, “before this?”

Roman just shakes his head.

“What is the point,” the snake hisses, “of people pretending to care about you when they don’t give you what you obviously need?”

“You were,” the little prince mumbles, still a beat behind, “I think you were the last person to…to touch me.”

“Before…?”

“Yeah. When we…when you…”

When he had the little prince tied up in the factory downtown, another attempt to persuade him to back off. When he cupped the little prince’s chin in his hand and chuckled as a pretty blush spread across those cheeks. When he let gloved fingers run through his hair and smirked at how easily the little prince lost track of the conversation.

Now, though, Janus cradles the little prince’s face in his hands and lowers himself onto the bed.

“You can have it,” he whispers, running his fingers through the little prince’s hair, “if touch is what you need, you can have it.”

Roman’s eyes flutter, lost on the sensation of Janus’s touch, all but floating on the bed. He starts to curl unconsciously towards him, pliant and still. Janus lets him, moving to wrap his arms around the little prince as he tucks himself under Janus’s chin.

“Why didn’t you tell me,” he asks gently, “that you were hurting so badly?”

He feels the roll of Roman’s throat. “Didn’t want you to think I was any weaker.”

Janus bites back a curse. “Well, I’m afraid you’re about to witness firsthand how weak I am.”

Before Roman can ask what he means, Janus cups the back of his neck and gently, gently kisses his forehead.

“If no one else will do what needs to be done,” he murmurs into Roman’s hair, “then I will.”

If no one else will take care of the little prince that sacrifices so much to protect this city, then the snake is happy to oblige.

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[sirisuorionblack]

Could you please write a sirius x ravenclaw! reader who has dyslexia and struggles a lot with studying but tries to hide it until it becomes overwhelming. After a fight they eventually have to tell sirius that they aren't the typical ravenclaw perfect student, scared that he won't love them anymore etc. I hope that makes sense! Thank you~ 💙

His perfect Ravenclaw

Sirius Black x Ravenclaw!Reader

Summary - A little something that you have been hiding from the love of your life had come tumbling your lips in one heated argument and you were quite surprised at the reaction.

Warnings - Nothing that I know of but if you find any let me know!

A/N Hello! I loved writing this so much! And I hope it turned out the way you wanted!

You groaned, sliding the thick potions book away from you. Leaning back on your chair, you stared at the ceiling of the library, there were ancient designs on it, each of them more beautiful than the other. It was a calming sight for you now that you have looked up from the dancing letters. Dyslexia. How much you hated it.

Perhaps, the hat found it enjoyable to play with your life, there could be no other reason (or so you thought) for sorting you into Ravenclaw, where students are always known to be intelligent and studious. Your N.E.W.Ts were approaching and you were more than disappointed in yourself when you had skipped classes, those were the only way you could get something inside your brain, however, it was fun being with Sirius Black - your beloved boyfriend. Now, that was another joke the fates played on you, throwing that perfect boy into your chaotic life.

You sighed, maybe, just maybe it would be a good idea if you told him you had dyslexia and by some miracle, he could do something about it. You scoffed, he would leave you the moment he knew you weren’t the perfect Ravenclaw.

“Puppy!” You heard Sirius voice filled with relief and exasperation as he came running to the secluded aisle you were sitting in. “I’ve been searching for you the whole castle and here you are!”

You stood up and looked at him confused, “Why were you looking for me?'“

Sirius was looking at you like he had seen a ghost, blinking as though he was trying to comprehend what was happening, “We-we were-y-you told me you would meet me in the Astronomy Tower,”

You felt the breath leave your lungs as the realisation hit you hard. You were supposed to meet him in the astronomy tower at 6:30 and it was almost 9 now, “Sirius, I am so so so sor-”

“You forgot?” Sirius asked, he looked like a lost puppy. Scared and broken. His grey eyes that usually sparkled with love when he saw you were now a cluster of emotions you had never seen them with - Anger, disappointment and…betrayal.

“Sirius, I am so sorry! Please, please,” You pleaded.

Sirius looked behind you and chuckled humourlessly, “You were studying, weren’t you? Always the perfect Ravenclaw,” he shook his head turning around to leave, not hearing a word from you.

“Sirius,” You rushed after him, “Just-just let me explain, please,”

He gritted his teeth, running a hair through his silky raven hair, “You forgot, puppy, you forgot it, you forgot me. I was waiting there like a fool, thinking that I know you and you would come in five minutes and you never did. You know, after that I was roaming the whole school looking like a maniac, searching for you like stupid because I thought something bad happened to you and-!”

“Mr Black!” Madam Pince hissed. She seemed to have come around the corner after hearing a “noise”, “Both of you, keep quiet,”

“No, Madam Pince, why trouble for you,” He never looked at you, never in your eyes, “I will leave,”

His long strides helped him leave the library within minutes while you had to rush behind him after collecting your belongings, throwing your robes over your shoulder.

When you stepped out of the library there was no one but you, no trail of a boy to ever walk down the corridor. Obviously, you couldn’t be that late, you had completely missed him, that was just nonsense unless he was some sort of a shape-shifting human, which basically is an animagus-

You groaned loudly, clutching your ears as though it was going to block all the thoughts, curling yourself slightly.

“Um, (L/N)?” You heard someone call. You looked up to see Remus and Lily looking at you concernedly. Great, a cherry on top of an already amazing day.

“Are you alright?” Lily asked, looking at you bewildered.

“Never mind about me,” You mumbled, walking past them to…Merlin knows where. Oh, wait!

“Remus!” You turned around, and the said boy turned to look at you, “Did you see Sirius?”

“Uh,” He looked around, “No, why? You guys were supposed to meet, weren’t you?”

“Yes,” You gulped, “Can you tell me if you see him?”

“Is everything alright?” Lily asked.

“I-not exactly,” You mumbled, shifting from one foot to other.

“Oh, dear," Lily sighed, sympathetically, like how a mother would, “we will send him to you when we see him. But you get back to your common room, alright?”

“Uh,” you looked at Remus who chuckled and said, “We will send him to Black lake. But promise you will stay safe, don’t want a furious Sirius running around Hogwarts, do we now?”

You smiled happily, “Thanks and promise!” Before you left to the black lake you could see Lily hitting Remus’ arm and mumbling something.

You waited, hoping Sirius would show up, trusting Remus and Lily’s words, believing he would come like he did for you but this time he did come even if it was almost after 30 minutes of waiting.

“That bloody idiot,” Sirius came, shaking his head like a wet dog.

“Sirius,” You scrambled to your feet.

“What did you want to say to me?” he asked, not smiling, not looking at you.

Your smile fell watching his expression, “I just wanted to say sorry,”

He scoffed, “It’s OK, of course, I mean, I should have known - you are the perfect Ravenclaw, arent you?”

“No, I am not!” You yelled suddenly and after so long he looked at you, it seemed as though he had been crying, “I am not your perfect Ravenclaw! I am not perfect and I am so not fit for being a Ravenclaw, at all!”

You wiped the tears that seemed to have leaked out of your eyes, angrily. Now, you looked away from his prying eyes and chuckled with no emotion, “That’s right, I don’t know why I was sorted into Ravenclaw! It was a mistake a total, stupid mistake! Why would it even put me - a dyslexic moron - in Ravenclaw!?”

You gasped, you said it, you said you had dyslexia to him. You couldn’t do anything, anymore. It all has to come to an end, after all. You dared to take a glance at Sirius who was looking thoroughly surprised, his chest rising and dropping rapidly.

“That’s right, yeah,” you said, bitterly, “I have dyslexia, I am not your perfect Ravenclaw anymore so you can gladly leave me now,”

“Your such an idiot, indeed!” he yelled, startling you. “As if you not being the perfect Ravenclaw is gonna make me leave you. Who do you think I am!?”

He ran a hand through his hair, letting out a deep, ragged breath, trying to calm himself.

He slowly walked towards you until you were barely a foot apart. He took your hands in his, holding them delicately yet tightly allowing the warmth to pass through your connected hands. His eyes were looking intently and apologetically into you all the while his scrunched forehead showed how much he was disappointed in himself, as though he had done a grave mistake.

“Darling, it doesn’t matter to me if you arent the perfect Ravenclaw,” he chuckled, “Do you not know me? I was expected to be a Slytherin, the perfect Black and I am not, yet you love me, don’t you?”

He kissed your hand, “It’s you who I love, it’s (Y/N) (L/N) that I love. And who dare say it was a mistake to sort you in Ravenclaw? It wasn’t a mistake, it could never be. It doesn’t matter if you find it difficult to read, books don’t determine how clever you are, its situations that do and I have found in more than one instance how clever my love is,”

“Oh, puppy,” he sighed, as his hands left yours, instead of cupping your cheeks as you watched him with tear-filled eyes, “You could have told me before, I would have done something,”

You placed your own hands on top of his, “What could you possibly do?”

He chuckled and flicked your forehead lightly, “Don’t underestimate me, puppy. I would bring the stars down if that’s what you want,”

You shook your head, your body acting on its own, leaned closer to him, “Just never leave me,”

Sirius smiled softly, leaning up to press his lips to your forehead, he mumbled against it, “And love you till the end of our lives, no matter what,”

You sighed in relief, feeling all the weight on your shoulder disappearing as you melted in his arms. The two of you let a stray tear escaped your eyes as the embrace filled with love, tightened.

Sirius Black loved you. And you loved him. That was all needed

[fruitcoops]

you mentioned remus doesn’t like getting picked up by anyone but sirius, and it got me thinking. i know he’s not big about physical contact with anyone but his close close friends, but apart from that, i also think he’s insecure about his body? like as much as sirius has his troubles with his mind and his past, he’s comfy in his own body, remus however is confident in where he stands with his sexuality and personality, but he has a weird relationship with his body, because it’s “let him down” with the greyback incident and everything. letting someone pick you up puts you in a quite vulnerable position, so i think you’d really need to earn his trust to be allowed to do that, sirius being the only one who managed to do that. i’m just curious what your view on this is! i adore how you portray remus (how you portray everyone honestly) so i’d love to know what you think about remus and his relationship with his body, and how it affects his need for physical contact?

I love this ask. So much. Headcanon analysis below the cut!

TW for canon injury/ homophobia/ bad parenting

The big difference between them is their views of their own bodies and how they project that on the world.

Sirius' body has not failed him to a huge extent (except his ankle, I'll get to that in a second), but like you said, his mind was not always a safe place for him. People respected him for his athleticism, not his smarts. He's comfortable in his skin because he knows he can rely on it to a) do his job, b) connect with his friends, and c) make outsiders respect him. He looks like a Traditional Hetero Hockey Guy (TM) and relied on that image so that he could avoid suspicion based on stereotypes about gay men from a notoriously homophobic environment. His body was his mask and his shield, and it hid his inner truths so well that few people questioned why he didn't have a romantic partner for so long. Sirius admires Remus' brain because Remus is well-adjusted, sure of his own skill, and does not get flustered in the face of conflict.

From Remus' point of view, his body failed him. He wasn't strong enough to fight Greyback and it took so, so long to heal; he doesn't trust his body for a while because of the fear that it would happen again. Even as a kid the connection was negative: he was the small, scrawny player, "too little to take a hit" and therefore incapable despite his incredible talent. People underestimated him to the point where he underestimated himself. With his career in PT, he was able to help other people feel confident in their bodies, and I think that helped him grow a lot in his own confidence. His brain was the shield for his insecurity about his body, the complete opposite of Sirius. I bet Remus liked watching Sirius play because he admired the comfort he had in his skin, how everything seemed attached and unmarred.

I think Sirius' broken ankle was a turning point for both of them. It was the first major time Sirius could not rely on his body to achieve his goals--he was sidelined, and subconsciously still afraid of his injury. We see how frustrated he is in SW by the amount of time it takes to heal, and how helpless/ separated from himself he feels. Remus finally saw his own injury reflected back at himself (star hockey player injured to the point where they're out for a while and left untethered), so by helping Sirius he was also helping himself overcome the repressed feelings about his shoulder. If he could get Sirius up and better than ever, then maybe Remus could start trusting his own body again.

During that time (and after, tbh), Sirius had to learn to trust his and Remus' brains and focus on his mental state so he could return to hockey. Remus had to face his fears and tell Sirius "you can trust your body after this injury. It will take time, but you will recover". In a way, he was also saying that to himself.

Per the physical touch headcanon, I think it stems a lot from their family growing up. In Sirius' home, physical touch was either an ultimate reward or a punishment. In Remus' home, it was freely given. Sirius is so touch-starved that he soaks it up like a sponge wherever he can get it--again, using the body he trusts (his own) to show love and affection toward the people he cares about. For Remus, it's not that he specifically hates being picked up; it's that he has the knee-jerk reaction to not trust that a person's body is reliable, because his own wasn't for a very long time. (This also plays out in their kinks, but this is not an 18+ post so I won't get into it here)

However, Coops trust each other implicitly. It's visible from the first stages of their relationship, where Sirius was excited to spend time with Remus just because it made him happy as well as seeking that physical connection. And for Remus, trusting Sirius with his body was a huge act of vulnerability even before he told him about Greyback. It's amazing. I love them. Haz did such an incredible job of setting this dynamic up.

Thanks for listening to me ramble!

[livinginshambles]

Preview: I've got plans, sorry | James Potter

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Summary: James is whipped. He adores his girlfriend so much, to the point that it starts to bother his friends. His reaction to a confrontation about it with his friends is to completely pull away from you, always finding new excuses to avoid you, leaving you to try and approach him. When you overhear him trying to be cool under peer pressure and say that you're too clingy, you also start pulling away, using the same excuses.

Notes: Angst with a happy ending probably, I love happy endings. Established relationship, For plot purposes, Sirius will start off as an arse

__________________________________

James Potter found himself a girlfriend, and it wasn't Lily Evans.

The news spread around faster than the Nimbus 1000 could fly and had everyone do a double take when they saw James strutting around, your books in one arm, held to his broad chest. His other arm holding you close.

"Everyone's staring," you whispered to James. His only reaction seemed to be walking even straighter than before, chest puffed out in pride, ready to show you off. "It's because you're breathtakingly gorgeous of course," he winked at you and you stiffled a laugh, shaking your arm and flipping a uno reverse up at him. He grinned and accepted the card, stuffing it up his own sleeve.

He had put in so much effort to get you to notice him, he almost couldn't believe it when you had eventually admitted that you fancied him back.

"Not sure why they all seem so surprised though," if you didn't know better, you would say that he sounded offended. "I mean, I've ben fighting for your affection for quite a while now, right, Darling?"

He looked down to you for affirmation. "Well," you began. "You still flirted a lot with Lily, so I do get their confusion." You tentatively brought up.

James pulled you to a stop, spun you around and pressed him lips to yours in an overly dramatic way. It had you giggling in the kiss. When you pulled away, he pulled you back to his chest, bringing you in for a hug.

You grunted at the sudden impact from your own chest at the pile of books he still held in front of him and laughed. "Hey!" You exclaimed and pressed your arm to your sore chest. "Let me help you with that, darling," he quickly offered with a wide grin. You playfully rolled your eyes at his excitement and grabby hands and swatted them away in amusement. You let him press you closer to his side, and he turned his head to kiss the top of yours.

"I'll show them how in love I am with you," he sighed happily in your hair.

You came to a stop where you two had to part ways, having picked different courses. James returned your books to you, and you left a sweet peck on his cheek.

You both walked to your classes, but not before looking back, meeting each other's eyes, a smile and a wink thrown in each other's direction.

James was always around you and vice versa, spending a great deal of your time with the marauders. You'd already been on good terms with Sirius, by which you meant that he knew your name, your own parents on his parents' payroll. You knew Peter who was your partner for your muggle studies class, and you had been friends with Remus ever since he had been kind enough to share his ink, paper and extra quill for taking notes during your first class of transfiguration. You had severely underestimated how much writing you would have to do in class instead of, you know, transfiguring. So you had sort of just joined the marauders, not that they seemed to mind. Or so you thought.

Full fic

[tinawriting]

This is what we fought for (S.B)

Requested: Yes/No

Pairing: Sirius Black x fem!reader

Navigation

Summary: Everyone is trying to keep the Potters safe during the war. Sirius suspects. Y/n has an idea.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, one sex joke, little bit of angst at the end, not proofread, my english.

A/N: Everyone lives/Nobody dies AU! This was really fun to write and an amazing idea. This is how things should have gone.

Word count: 2.4k

Green lights were surrounding them. His breath was caught on his throat, the not knowing if they were going to get out of this one, the panic rising. He felt a hand grip his, he looked up to meet warm and soft eyes, home.

It was always like this with her, they could communicate with just a look. He nodded and let himself stand up, gripping his wand tightly, out of the corner of his eye he saw Y/n stand up as well. She was next to him but he had never felt so far away from her, he needed her touch, he needed her to get out of this one. Even if he didn't.

He started running towards the lights and felt how Y/n was closely behind him. When he saw them he didn't hesitate in start hexing them, not to kill them, no. Dumbledore said they had to just stop them, much to Sirius' dismay, if you asked him, he wouldn't care if all Voldemort's Death Eaters died tonight.

He started throwing hexes at everyone, but his mind was elsewhere. Y/n wasn't on sight anymore, and even if he knew how capable she was he couldn't help but looking for her among the crowd. He was so distracted he failed to notice the person coming from behind him.

"Crucio!"

"Protego!"

Sirius turned around to see Y/n face to face with the disgusting Antonin Dolohov. She had intercepted the spell coming in Sirius' direction. Coward, he thought, his only way of attack is from behind. Dolohov raised his wand in her direction with a sneer on his face.

He grabbed Y/n's arm and pulled her roughly behind him, his body shielding her from Dolohov.

"You hurt her and I'll fucking murder you." He said gritting his teeth, not breaking eye contact. He felt her tugging on his sleeve from behind, his arm still keeping her in place.

"Sirius, we have to go now," she said in his ear. "They're coming from everywhere! Let's go!"

He doesn't want to tear his eyes from Dolohov, but he can hear how they're being surrounded. He grabs her more firmly and Apparates them away.

"I could've handled him."

"I was just protecting you!"

They were in the Order Headquarters. After Apparating there, a couple of healers had help them with their wounds. Then, Y/n had grabbed Sirius' arm and guided him to an empty bedroom to talk to him about the Dolohov incident.

"Do not raise your voice with me Sirius Black," said Y/n lowly and with fire in her eyes. "And I don't need you to protect me. When we're fighting you're not my boyfriend anymore, you're my partner. I needed you to keep fighting."

"So you're saying it's my fault?" He said with an incredulous look on his face.

"I did not say that. But it you keep underestimating my abilities you're going to get us killed."

"I don't underestimate your abilities!"

"Then why the fuck wouldn't you just keep fighting and let me deal with Dolohov?"

"I don't want to lose you!"

"You will if you keep this up!"

They were screaming at this point, the eye contact almost unbearable. The silence allowed them to hear the laughs coming from the other side of the house.

"I can't lose you," he whispered. "I would kill me. I can't."

She took a couple steps towards him and he opened his arms for her. One of his arms on her back hold her close while the other kept her head against his chest. He kissed the top of her head and rested his chin there. Until this moment he had forgotten how small she was compared to him, how he would need to look down to look at her in the eye. He felt her shaking and how a puddle of tears were damping his shirt. In that moment he realized that tears were forming in his eyes too.

"I don't want to keep fighting Sirius," she said, her voice muffled by his chest. "I want this to end. I want to live normally, I want a house, a family. I'm tired of watching the people I care about die."

"I know my love, I promise you that I will give you that. Everything you want and more."

"I'm just saying," said Sirius. "You should keep an eye on him."

"I think Sirius is right." Said Peter.

"I don't," said James sternly. "Where did this come from?"

"We're not allowed to go on full moons with him anymore, and he’s supposed to get information from the other werewolves. How do we know what he does with them?"

Lily and Y/n were in the Potters' living room sitting on the couch. Y/n had a sleeping Harry wrapped in a blanket on her arms while Lily was reading a book.

"Do they think we can't listen?" Said Y/n looking at the closed kitchen door, behind it, James, Sirius and Peter were discussing who could be the spy that had been telling Voldemort details only people from the Order could know.

"They probably think we can't hear a word." Said Lily nodding. Y/n frowned at the closed door and decided she had to have a talk to her dear boyfriend. She gave Harry to Lily and stared a moment at the love in Lily's green eyes when she looked at her baby, this is what we're fighting for, she thought.

She opened the door a little harder that she wanted to and stared at Sirius' grey eyes, his soft smile fell when he noticed the hard look she was giving him.

"What is your problem? You don't trust your friends anymore?"

"Darling, this is really not your-"

"Not my place? Not my problem? What Sirius? Do you think the fact that there's a fucking spy breathing on my best friend's neck isn't my problem? Do you think that you talking shit about our friend behind his back without any other argument that 'he's a werewolf' isn't my fucking problem? All your life you've been judged for being a Black and you're doing the same with him? Do you really think Remus is the spy?"

"I'm not saying he's the spy just because he's a werewolf!"

"That's exactly what you're saying!"

"We can't trust anyone anymore!"

She scoffed. "Do you suspect me? Do you suspect Peter?" She noticed how Peter made a soft sound and turned to look at him, his hands were picking at a loose strand of his sweater and was trembling slightly. Strange. She looked at Sirius again. "Don't you trust your own friends anymore? Who are you?"

He looked incredulously at her and a little bit hurt. "Of course I trust you! You're my life, I will always trust you." He then looked at Peter. "And I trust Pete of course, you know what? That's it! He should be the secret keeper instead!"

What?

"What?" Said the rest of them in unison.

"Yeah! We won't tell Lupin and he'll think I'm the secret keeper. It's just a precaution."

She huffed. "Fine. Do whatever you want." And then she got out of the kitchen and entered the bathroom. What was Peter's problem? He had always been a nervous boy but the fact that he had contradicted James earlier and agreed with Sirius was something weird. She didn't want to judge him without any reasonable arguments like Sirius did with Remus. But how could she protect her friends? She heard a knock on the door and she just knew who it was, they were connected.

Se opened the door and saw Sirius standing there looking sheepishly back at her. "I'm sorry."

She sighed and let him in. "I know, I'm sorry too," she said closing the door. "I feel like we're fighting all the time lately."

He exhaled and met her eye, a smirk forming slowly on his face. "We've been doing other things too." He said looking her up and down. She chuckled softly, the tension leaving her shoulders. He raised a hand and held her cheek, caressing her softly. "I love you so much."

"I love you more." She said smiling softly at him.

"Imposible." He said leaning down and connecting their lips. She tried to show him how much he meant to her into the kiss. She let her fingers run through his hair and opened her mouth for him to deepen the kiss.

After they parted, she looked at his soft grey eyes, home.

An idea popped in her head. "I'm staying here."

"What?"

"I'm staying here, I'll be locked up with them until the Order needs me."

"What if I need you?" He looked like he was about to cry and her heart broke.

"I'll come home. I will," she said holding his face. "But I'll be here a lot, that's it, you won't even notice I'm gone."

"You know I will," his eyes were a little glassy and she hugged him tight. "Please be careful."

A week after that, Y/n wanted to give Harry the Halloween hat she knitted for him. It was absolutely horrible but she just wanted an excuse to go see her godson.

"That's really pretty." Said Sirius coming from behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. She laughed.

"No, it's not."

He chuckled. "It's really not." He kissed her cheek. "Are you going to be alright? Are you sure you want to go alone?"

"I'll be fine," she said turning around in his arms and placing a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you."

"I love you."

She grabbed her bag and wand and Apparated to Godric's Hollow, she walked where the house was and knocked. James was opening the door in no time and let her in, once inside he pulled her in a bone-crashing hug. "It's so nice to see you." He whispered into her ear. Soft giggles could be heard from upstairs, she smiled brightly and ran to see Harry. Lily was next to his crib and kissing his plump cheeks, she walked up to them and hugged Lily, Y/n kissed Harry's head softly and then placed the hideous hat on it. Lily made a face and then smiled kindly.

"It's horrible." She said.

"I know." Y/n replied.

Then, a loud explosion was heard downstairs, Lily and Y/n looked at each other wide-eyed.

"Send a Patronus." Said Y/n.

Then Y/n ran out of the room at the same time James cried out "Lily, Y/n, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"

Her eyes were almost out of her skull and she couldn't go faster. She saw in a blur James' wand and she shouted "Accio wand!"  She then saw James trying to hold back Voldemort wandless and looked in horror at how he raised his wand in James' direction.

“Avada Kedav-”

"Impedimenta!" She cried.

Y/n watched how Voldemort's action slowed down, she grabbed James by his arm and got him out of Voldemort's reach. She handed him his wand and heard various 'pop' of people Apparating, she hoped it was their friends and not some Death Eater. She watched as Voldemort's actions were slowly coming back to normal when Sirius and Remus appeared at the front door, Voldemort's red eyes made contact with hers.

"Crucio!"

In a fraction of second, her back hit the ground, a high-pitched noise in her ears was making her head hurt, she could feel herself screaming but couldn't hear it. All her limbs felt on fire, the pain almost unbearable. She lifted her head to see three rays of green light from her friend's wands being directed at Voldemort, and then, everything went black.

Her head hurt so much. She couldn't move. She couldn't even open her eyes. I must be dead. That's why I can't move. And then, she heard soft sobs and someone -no, Sirius- grabbing her hand delicately.

"Please, Y/n. Please come back to me." I'm here Sirius, I'm okay. "You saved James, and Lily, and Harry. And I'm so grateful for that, but I can’t be happy if you’re not with me. I’ll never be happy without you. I know you can save yourself too, you can do this my love, please come back. Come back so I can give you that house we talked about, so we can get married and have kids. Please.”

She slowly opened her eyes, her vision was blurry and when she turned her head she saw Sirius sitting on a chair with his head down, his hair shielding his eyes. She squeezed his hand weakly and he lifted his head so fast his neck made a sound.

He got up and sat down next to her in the bed she now realised it was James and Lily's. "Hello princess," he said kissing her softly, and her headache disappeared for a moment. "You had me worried." He chuckled, but it was empty, she noticed the tears strains in his cheeks and she lifted a hand to caress them away. He smiled. He hadn’t smiled a real smile in days and she thought she had never see him more beautiful.

“You’re beautiful.” Y/n said and he laughed softly. Then, she remembered. “Peter.” She whispered.

Sirius smile fell. “Yeah,” he said. “Remus… he didn’t do anything, you were right. We’re good now, though. He was understanding of the whole situation. I can’t believe I ever doubted him.”

“Did you kill him?” She asked wide-eyed. “Voldemort?”

“Yeah, the three of us used the killing curse on him. Dumbledore said we won’t go to Azkaban for doing it.” She scoffed, of course they weren’t, she would get them out herself if they were. “It was all thanks to you. James told us what you did, they would all be dead if it weren’t for you.”

“And Peter?”

Sirius’ frowned. “He… he disappeared, that stupid rat, we don’t know where he is. But it’s over now.” He started sobbing again, but he was smiling. “It’s over, we’re okay. We’re all okay. James, Lily, Remus and Harry. Harry is perfect! He has that disgusting hat on and he laughs!”

She smiled and tears were falling from her eyes as well. “I want to see them.”

“Yes, of course,” he said hurriedly before kissing her forehead. “I’ll bring them.”

Sirius got out of the room and she took a moment to breathe. It was over now, Voldemort was gone. The Potters were fine, Remus was fine, Sirius and her were fine. When the door opened again, the first thing she saw was the smiling face of her godson and thought this is what we fought for.

[messrmoonyy]

number 3 from the physical touch list (hiding face in neck) for remadora please :)) (no pressure)

Not me neglecting previous prompts/requests because this one the one I got motivation for.

Prompt from this list.

I used this to do my spin on the aftermath of the Battle of the Seven Potters, Cause I like anxious overprotective Remus🙃😗✌🏻( I also changed like. The entire dialogue from the original scenes because why not ). Think battle of seven potters but add a little ✨spice and drama✨. I went off on a total tangent on this tbh. As I do with every prompt it seems. Anyway. Hope you like it my dear anon.

Pairing: Remus lupin x Nymphadora Tonks

Warnings: none

Check my masterlist for all my other writing!

She was late. Incredibly so. Her and Ron should have been one of the first pairs to arrive at The Burrow, he’d arranged for her to have one of the shortest routes. He’d not told her that of course but he was quite sure she’d known he’d gotten a little too tetchy and secretly spoken to Alastor. But he had a right to be over protective didn’t he? This was was his wife. The woman he had literally, and in every sense of the word, sworn his life to. Sworn his dying breath to protect her, care for her.

Yet he’d let her put herself in danger. He could have tried to persuade Alastor to let him and George go the same route as Dora and Ron, or at least in the similar direction. He knew he had to be focussed on the war effort, knew he had a duty to protect the children. But… he also had a duty to protect her. His wife. His Dora. And now for all he knew Bellatrix could have struck her down, her body lying lifeless in a field somewhere.

He wasn’t a particular calm man at the best of times, his stress had its own stress, but he had never felt worse than he did in that moment. He’d already practically attacked Harry, was in no way of any comfort to George and Molly. Or anyone else.

So he was waiting out of the way by the window, constantly looking up at the sky through the glass and waiting for her to materialise through the burrows guards, come skidding over and laugh at him for being anxious over nothing. But the sky remained clear of her vibrant hair and her joyful laugh. The stars practically mocking him as he waited.

“ she’s a tough one. She’ll be okay “ Kingsley had appeared at his side “ Bill and Fleur, Ron and Tonks. They’ll all be here soon. Stop fretting Remus “ Remus almost laughed at the sheer stupidity of telling him not to fret over her. As if he ever did anything else. He always worried for her safety, had done long before they had even become a couple. Waiting up for her to come home from late shifts at the ministry in the days she’d stay at Grimmauld, worrying about her when she’d turn up with a new bruise or gash from something. Marrying her had simply made him fret more.

He’d never felt so protective of anyone in his life, never thinking he ever would either. Yet here he was, constantly putting her first and wanting to do nothing but take care of her. She never left his mind, was his first priority forever and always. He didn’t even want to think about what he’d do if he ever lost her, if he ever failed to protect her.

“ Bill and Fleur were scheduled to arrive as one of the last. Dora and Ron should have been one of the first pairs here “ he said it slightly more harshly than intended and turned to apologise to his friend immediately after, but as he did there was the sound of something passing through the guards outside.

Remus charged outside, almost tripping over his own gangly limbs as he went. He froze to the spot in a mixture of shock and relief as Doras broom appeared in the sky, the bristles smoking and charred as she made an unsteady decent to the ground. She landed in a long skid,stumbling from the broom and directly into Remus’ arms. She practically fell into him and would have knocked him to the floor if he hadn’t been stiff as a board.

“ Remus “ she gasped, hugging him so tightly it took the air from his lungs. But he didn’t even care, he’d give his last breath if it meant dying with her there in his arms. Because she was alright. She was right. There “ was so worried about you. The death eaters and- fuck I know you’re really no good on a broom and you bloody hate flying at the best of times. Merlins balls I was so scared “ she rambled so fast Remus barely understood what she was saying to him.

His hand slipped into her hair in some attempt to hold her as close as he could, still trying to accept that she was really there. Safe. Alive. He had worried for nothing of course. He should have known. She was tough. So much tougher than he gave her credit for it seemed.

He gently pried her out of his grip slightly, needing to see her face just to make sure it really was her. That he wasn’t dreaming it.

“ where were you “ as had most of his words that evening, it came out a little harsh but she didn’t seem to care. She reached up to cup his face in a soothing manner that was the complete opposite of his previous words to her.

“ Bellatrix. Wants me dead just about as much as Voldy wants Harry. Missed our port key. But I’m fine. Ron’s fine. We’re fine. You’re fine? “ he could feel tears welling in his eyes and he felt a bit stupid, but he couldn’t help it. Words failed him and he simply just nodded and pulled her back into his arms “ fucking deatheaters “ she grumbled.

He pressed his face into the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent and letting it calm him. She smelt like the fresh air, her hair all wind tousled and the slightest hint of smoke. Probably from her charred broom. Her hand rubbed gentle circles into his back and it made him feel… small. Which was funny with how much smaller she actually was compared to him.

“ sweetheart… I’m fine “ she said softly, clearly reading his fear still evident on him “ Remus “

He lifted his head as her hand patted him lightly, but he couldn’t bare to part from her again just yet and his forehead dropped to hers.

“ I’m afraid I underestimated you once again, darling. I knew deep down you’d make it back to me, I’m getting far too old to be worrying like this “ he said with a hint of a smile.

“ oh don’t worry, you won’t get rid of me that easily. Take more than a few of old Voldys mental lackeys to take me out. You’re stuck with me now. Im going no where “ their faces were so close he could feel her cheeks shift as she smiled with her words. Her nose brushed against his before she pressed a kiss to his lips. He usually was rather strict on his avoidance of showing affection to his wife in front of well… anyone really. But he happily kissed her back, even if he did cut it off a little shorter than he truly wanted. Still wondering at the back of his mind if any of the order were secretly judging him. It’d never escape him no matter how hard he tried not to care about it.

As they pulled apart she then only seemed to notice that there was blood on his hands and his jacket. She took a step back, her hands suddenly searching for an injury.

" blood? Remus? " her hands were frantic as she yanked at his collar, pushed up his sleeves, searching for anywhere she could find an injury. He grabbed ahold of her hands and shook her slightly so that she would look at him, it was clearly her time to fret and not his.

" Dora. Dora relax. It's not mine. It's not my blood. George was hit.. don't worry he's alive. He's lost an ear but he's okay. So am I. Not my blood love, it's not mine " she couldn't seem to help herself then and dived for lips again, holding his face in her hands and kissing him harder than before. He still couldn’t help but be a little reluctant but kissed her back, his embarrassment of kissing her in front of others not mattering when they were both just thankful to be alive and with each other.

" I'm just so happy you're alive " she whispered when she pulled back, resting her forehead to his. He opened his mouth to say something else but suddenly she was yanked out of Remus' embrace and shoved away, her clumsy legs stumbling in the gravel and she fell quite ungraciously onto her ass with a grunt of pain. Remus immediately rushed to her side in confusion.

" what the fuck! " she shouted and Remus looked up to see that Kingsley had been the one to pull her away, his wand now pointed at her face.

" Kingsley! Lower your wand! " Remus immediately jumped to her defence, crouching beside her and placing a hand to her shoulder  " Dora are you okay? Dora? "

" someone betrayed us we have to check everyone. You didn't even confirm her identity Lupin, she could have killed you. Look I didn’t mean to knock you down- we have to be certain you understand? "

" are you bloody mental?! " Dora yelled again, rubbing at her elbow that she’d clearly hurt on the way down.

" Kingsley... lower your wand she got Ron back safetly it's quite clearly- "

" we have to check " Kingsley said cutting off Molly, who had come outside with the commotion. Remus helped her back to her feet and then grabbed her hand, stepping in between her and kingsleys raised wand.

" lower. Your. wand. " his voice was commanding as he could muster, Kingsley was his friend. But Dora was his wife. And she came first. And he would put himself between her and a raised wand any and every time. No matter who was on the other end of it.

" Nymphadora Tonks gave me a present for my birthday last year. What was it?" Kingsley asked, ignoring Remus entirely, his wand still pointed at her as she was half hid behind Remus’ body.

" this is ridiculous! We're all turning on each other now? "

" answer the question " Kingsley ignored Remus again, which only made his blood boil more. He was already on edge that evening with the fear of losing his wife. This wasn’t helping to lower his stress levels.

" I know my own damned wife- "

" what was it! " Remus drew his own wand then at the increase in Kingsleys anger, pointing it in Kingsleys direction.

" Remus! "

" lower. Your wand. And step away from my wife " he demanded, not wanting to hurt Kingsley… but willing to if he had to.

" you don't even know if that is your wife"

" please! Stop the both of you! " Molly shouted.

" fucking hell " Dora said and held onto Remus hand harder, stepping better into view " I gave you a new set of quills because I charmed your last lot to throw them self out the window whenever you touched them. Happy? " Kingsley was quiet for a moment longer " now drop your wands. Both of you " Kingsley looked to Remus before finally lowering his wand. But Remus couldn’t. He felt betrayed almost, that someone he thought as a friend would do something like threaten the woman he loved.

Dora pressed gently on Remus' wrist to make him too lower his wand when he didn’t do it if his accord immediately " Remus. Lower your wand...Remus “

" this is exactly what Voldemort would want. To see us all turning on each other. We cannot let ourselves get paranoid like this " Remus said bitterly, wrapping an arm around his wife protectively and finally dropping his wand arm. He knew that Kingsley has been right to check in a way. He had needed to check. Though there were much better ways to go about it rather than pointing a wand at her head. To hold a wand to a witch or wizard was one of the most disrespectful things you could do.

" someone betrayed us "

" Dora and I are never out of each other's sight long enough for anyone to have made a switch or have her as their spy. And you know that. How dare you hold a wand to her head. How dare you " Remus was itching for an argument. And Dora could sense it, also so incredibly good at reading his emotions and thoughts before even he was.

" Remus " she said softly, lifting a hand to gently turn his face to look at her instead of glaring at Kingsley " Remus look at me " she ran her hand gently through his hair and he instantly seemed to relax. His own muscles losing tension without his consent at her touch. She had a knack at being one of the only people to get him to the calm down in almost an instant. Sirius and James had been the only other people he knew that could " relax. It's okay " she transported them into their own little bubble. As if the others were no longer in the burrow too and she kept him there, gently rubbing at his hand until his first unclenched and angry breaths returned to normal.

[beauty-and-passion]

Time to talk about the flower shirt

You read the title. Time to talk about this.

This is the infamous flower shirt Thomas put on in his store and, since the fandom is the fandom, everyone started to speculate about those flowers.

At first, I didn’t want to do it. They’re just flowers and other people already talked about them, so what could I possibly add to the conversation?

But while I was writing about Orange, I had to talk a moment about the orange flower. It was supposed to be a small parenthesis, just a couple of words about that.

But then I looked at the other flowers and what other people told/not told about them and how some didn’t find Patton’s flower... so here I am, adding my two cents to this theme.

You needed it? Probably not. Well, I’m writing it anyway.

So let’s take a closer look at those flowers and see each one in detail:

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Roman: Red rose

Should I really explain why it’s perfect for Roman? Red roses are the universal symbol of love. Basically in all cultures red roses symbolize passion, true love, romance and desire. Also, according to this website, even the shade has a meaning! In fact, the deeper the red shade is, the stronger is the passion.

And even the number of red roses has a meaning! In this case, we have only one single red rose and that "represents love at first sight, or if it’s coming from a long-term partner, they are saying “you are still the one”.”

You know what that made me think? About Thomas telling Roman “You’re my hero”. A perfect symbol that he was “still the one” for Thomas.

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Orange: Lantana camara

This is an incredibly peculiar flower.

Lantana Camara symbolizes severity and rigour. And this alone can be analyzed in all possible ways, but there are other interesting details about this plant I think it's worth mentioning.

Lantana is toxic for livestock, such as cattle, sheep, horses, dogs and goats. According to Wikipedia, previous studies suggested it could be toxic for humans too, especially the green unripe berries. However "other studies have found evidence which suggests that its fruit poses no risk to humans".

Lantana is a freaking invasive plant. In some areas, it's so predominant, to reduce biodiversity, because its presence "can significantly slow down the regeneration of forests, by preventing the growth of new trees". Also, as if this isn't enough, this plant can also produce toxic chemicals which inhibit other plant species.

Lantana has also a great adaptability, that helped it to be so invasive: it can live in a wide range of different environmental conditions, it can survive long periods without water, heck it's even resistant to fire. It's not a plant you can underestimate. Like Orange, I assume.

But Lantana isn't just an invasive plant. Lantana has always been used for medical purposes, because it showed good antimicrobial, fungicidal and insecticidal properties and its extract helps against respiratory infections and ulcers.

Also, since it doesn't have many pests or diseases, lantana became a common ornamental plant. It even attracts butterflies!

In other words: isn't that the perfect plant to symbolize the double nature of a dark side? It can be a threat, change the environment, destroy and even kill. But it can also be a medicine, something useful, something beautiful.

Whoever Orange is, Lantana camara tells us that, whithout a doubt, he’s a dark side.

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Janus: Sunflower

Do you think Janus isn't perfect enough as he is? Do you think there's not enough husband material in the snek?

Well, you’re wrong and the sunflower is here to prove it.

Sunflower symbolizes loyalty, adoration, longevity, vitality, worship. Now add this up to the sunflower’s behaviour and how it follows the sun... and you’ll get Janus. Janus literally acts like a sunflower: Thomas is his sun and everything Janus does is for him. His whole existence is centered around Thomas.

But we already knew that, because it's the same message that shone through his playlist. Everything about Janus tells us how much he adores Thomas, from his canonical behavior in the series, to his playlist, to this flower.

Oh, do you need another proof that this is flower is perfect for Janus? Some societies use sunflowers as religious symbols. Ah, some good ol' reference to religion: it’s like being in his playlist all over again.

And, of course, sunflowers are used for a variety of reasons, like cooking oils, skin care and so on. Even the flower says self care.

This man is perfect.

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Remus: Green chrysanthemum

Here's another interesting flower.

Chrysanthemum symbolizes death and it’s the typical flower used for funerals. And I thought this was its universal meaning. It was perfect for Remus just like that.

But then I found out that Europeans use chrysanthemums for funerals and to honor the dead. This flower actually has a whole lot of meanings, some completely different from this.

In China, for example, chrysanthemums are associated with wealth, prosperity and long life. Also they're symbols of new life and reincarnations, so they're the perfect gift for old people or newborns.

While in Japan chrysanthemums are symbols of power and royalty. And that's even more fitting for Remus, because he's a Duke, so he is royalty.

But chrysanthemum also symbolizes friendship - and not just "a friendship", but a meaningful one. It's a symbol of loyalty, devotion, romantic/platonic love and, in general, positive energy. It's a flower with an incredibly strong meaning, so it can't be given too lightly.

And this makes it even more perfect for Remus. It's a flower with a huge plurality of meanings, it's both associated with life and death, it's powerful and it's royalty.

Also, you can eat it. Isn't that the perfect Remus flower?

(On a side note: please notice how chrysanthemums and sunflowers are both associated with joy, loyalty and devotion. I would have never considered "joy" a common trait between Janus and Remus while loyalty and devotion... well, they both care about Thomas and his career and they both work for him despite not being accepted, so I can see why those are common traits.)

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Patton: Nemophila

Surprise surprise, this flower wasn't easy to find. I’ve never heard of it, so I had to search among endless lists of blue flowers, hoping to find one that would perfectly match the one on the shirt.

And that’s how I found nemophila.

First of all: nemophila is also known as "Baby Blue Eyes" and it's an extremely rare color to find in nature. It’s very famous in Japan, thanks to the Hitachi Seaside Park. Open this link: it’s a literal sea of blue and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Of course, it attracts people every year.

Nemophila represents prosperity, congratulations on success and victory. Not the first things you would associate with Patton, right?

Well, while I was searching more informations about this flower, I found out this website about the essence of Baby Blue Eyes and the passage I quoted down below has the exact same words you can find on that link:

With its pronounced affinity for water, the Baby Blue Eyes flower essences addresses qualities of tender sensitivity, innocence and trust associated one’s early childhood relationship to the father, or other significant masculine figures that are in some way disturbed.

Very often the father was absent, or there was a lack of support or genuine presence. The Baby Blue Eyes type attempts over time to cover this wound of vulnerability with a false “hardening,” such as emotional distancing, mistrust, cynicism or spiritual alienation. It is a flower that can be equally helpful for men or women, although it is especially needed for many men who struggle to become strong, by disowning their pain.

So nemophilia’s essence has qualities associated with childhood, to the father figure and attempts to “repress” and hide emotions.

That’s Patton. That’s him, period. The childhood-related emotions, that are linked to Patton’s longing for “a simpler time”. The mentions of a father figure - who migh be absent or showing lack of support (like, idk, suggesting you should die so your friends live?). And the attempt to “cover the vulnerability” doesn’t remind you anything? Like the Nostalgia episodes?

This flower is Patton.

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Logan: Blue petunia

I would like to say, from the bottom of my heart, a huge "FUCK YOU" to this flower, because I spent TWO DAYS searching all the blue flowers in the world and all possible variants, asking myself why this goddamn flower looked so familiar and why it was so hard to find. Blue isn't even a common color in nature, so why couldn't I find it?

I've learned more about blue flowers in these two days than in my entire life. I've searched among flowers I never saw before, like glandora diffusa, leschenaultia and omphalodes verna. I was so desperate to consider this flower a new species, with the petals of a bellflower and the corolla of a morning glory. I even found a goddamn chinese variant of the morning glory that was somehow similar but not that much and why, WHY this was so hard to find?!

And then, after two days and a lot more desperation, I remembered: my dear friend @reptilianwithscallions​ told me about a post they made, regarding this shirt and the flowers. Maybe they had some idea about Logan's flower?

Well, let's all thank my saviour and this post, because otherwise I would've kept searching until the end of my days.

Long story short, Logan's flower is a fucking blue petunia.

And it's a very peculiar choice, because petunias have multiple meanings, several of which can be contradictory.

In general, petunia symbolizes anger and resentment. It reminds someone that you're still angry or disappointed by their actions and you haven’t gotten over the things that caused these feelings.

Oh my, I didn't know we were back in Logan's playlist. It's basically what he kept expressing towards Thomas with his songs: that he was angry at Thomas for his decision, that he doesn't approve that Thomas hasn't "a real job" and so on. Petunia is a flower that screams passive-aggressive, so it's perfect for Logan.

But petunia's meaning deeply changes, depending on the color of the flower. And while petunia in general symbolizes anger, a blue petunia is a symbol of peacefulness, intimacy and deep trust, shared between two or more people. It's so wholesome, because the deep trust reminds me - again - of Logan's playlist and how it ended: no matter what, he and Thomas are always best friends.

Also, petunia flowers have even a secret meaning behind. Since they’re also gifted to new neighbors or to people who have just moved into a new home, they represent a perfect welcome and a way to express affection and kindness to others.

You’re lucky to be so wholesome, you tricky flower.

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Virgil: Perennial Geranium

Geranium is a confused flower.

Some of the other flowers have conflicted meanings, but not as much as this flower. These are the most common meanings I found:

Folly or Stupidity

Gentility and kind nature

Clever minds

Ingenuity

Melancholy

Perfect gift for a bride

You can gift it to someone with whom you have planned a meeting 

You can gift it to someone with whom you haven't planned a meeting, just to make them feel welcomed

True Friendship

See? It’s confused.

Aside from jokes, this variety of meanings is due to its great diffusion: since geraniums grow everywhere, every culture gave them a different meaning. And sometimes these meanings depend on the situation too.

Awww, isn't it perfect for Virgil? He can be good and bad at the same time. Anxiety can be bad for Thomas and detrimental for his life, but it can also be the alarm Thomas needs. It depends on the situation.

And, just like geraniums in general symbolize positive emotions, happiness and friendship, so Virgil is in general a good guy. All he does is for Thomas' wellbeing, not against him.

And this is confirmed by the vast use of geranium's essential oil. It's one of the most popular and it has a ton of properties: anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-depressant, decongestant, relaxing and so on. Just like our Virge boy can be incredibly useful under the right circumstances. (Did someone say "Flirting with social Anxiety"?)

Also, geraniums are simple, humble flowers that usually grow outside, but then we take them and make them part of our homes. Once again, it’s Virgil: he's an outsider, he's humble, he talks bad about himself - but Thomas and the others took him and made him part of the famILY anyway.

__________________________________

Thomas: Cherry blossom

I searched this flower everywhere and the only one that looks like the one on the shirt is the cherry blossom. Why did Thomas make a cherry blossom with eight petals, when they all have five? I have no idea. Is this a different flower, maybe? Maybe, but I’m done: I've looked at enough flowers and I don’t have any strength left.

As you probably already know, cherry blossoms are extremely important in Japan. They're beautiful, they're everywhere and they're meaningful.

Why? Because cherry blossoms are considered the perfect metaphor for human existence. When they blossom it's a pink ocean, a party, people go to admire them - but they’re short lived, because in two weeks, the blossoms start to fall. It's just like human life: a small, rich, glorious parenthesis in the void. Something little and precious that ends soon.

But cherry blossoms also symbolize rebirth, optimism, hopes and dreams. When they bloom, it means springtime is coming and spring has always been associated with renewal.

That’s a very good choice for character Thomas. He’s basically a cherry blossom, the whole series is: something that reminds us how beautiful life is, how multi-faceted, how important. Just like Thomas' single being encompasses seven different sides of himself, so life presents a wide range of choices, of aspects, of flavours. All beautiful, all worthy of appreciation, no matter how different they can be from you and your experience.

And this becomes even more important, in relation to the passage of time and the transience of life. Because life is short and, after that, there won't be any more time to appreciate anything.

In addition to that, I would like to point out how the theme of passage of time is something we already saw in the series. And not just one time, but several. Since the first season, we have episodes all around the concept of growing up, growing old, not being a child anymore, becoming an adult. And the last Aside keeps going in this direction. It's clear this is a big theme and its connection with the cherry blossoms proves it.

But why is the flower so different on the shirt? Because Thomas wanted to mess up with us? Probably. Almost certainly. Once again, thank you Mr. Sanders for making me question everything.

The floor is (figuratively) yours now: if you have any other information, thoughts or opinions, feel free to share them.

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[engie-ivy]

Remus won't be joining Sirius quite yet.

Remus is only now realising what it means for him to become the Secret Keeper, what Lily and James were already counting on: he’ll need to stay alive.

Warning: Angst, Major Character Death, No Happy Ending.

Not Quite Yet

“We want you to be our Secret Keeper.”

After James has spoken, the expression on Remus’ face doesn’t change, and remains impassive, empty, just like it has been for the last weeks.

“You want me to be your Secret Keeper,” he repeats in a flat voice.

James nods. “You’re close to both of us. It makes sense.”

Remus laughs a wry laugh, completely devoid of any real joy. “Isn’t it better with this type of thing to not go for the obvious choice?”

It’s true. It’s what James had discussed with Sirius when he was still around. It’s why they came up with the plan to make Peter the Secret Keeper, as he is the last person the Death-Eaters would suspect, and they surely would’ve gone after Sirius. While James had resented the idea of using Sirius as decoy, the Death-Eaters would’ve gone after him anyway, whether he had actually been the Secret Keeper or not. James and Sirius had been in so many dire situations before, always able to laugh about it later, James had thought Sirius invincible. How wrong had he been about that.

Sirius, Lily and James had even approached Peter already. James had partly expected Peter to say no, as poor Pete never thought himself as brave as he really was, but he had underestimated him. Peter had immediately agreed, and even seemed strangely relieved. Now, however, Lily and James have decided together to change the plan and ask Remus to be the Secret Keeper instead. Of course, Remus is clever and skilled, can be trusted beyond any doubt, and knows how to lie low. But there’s another reason that had really decided it for Lily and James.

Remus needs a reason to live.

Remus has been completely neglecting his own safety lately. He volunteers for the most dangerous missions, never taking some rest, throwing himself into battle without any regard for his own life.

A part of James can understand. He’d even be lying if he said he didn’t want to do the same from time to time. They don’t know who actually fired the fatal curse, but each one they take down feels a like some small revenge. But James has to be responsible, as his reason to live is evident. He has a wife and kid who are counting on him coming home at the end of the day. That’s actually what Sirius had used to get James away from the fighting.

(“They’re too many! You should leave! Leave before it’s too late!” “No! We’re in this together!” “Don’t be a fool, Prongs! Your wife and son are waiting for you at home!” “Pads...” “No, James, no! You will not let Harry grow up without a father, I won’t have it!”)

Afterwards, James had insisted to be the one to tell Remus, despite Lily’s protests that he wasn’t in a right state of mind himself. James had been the one who was supposed to have Sirius’ back, and James had to be the one who needed to face the consequences of his failure. It had been the hardest thing he’s ever done.

Remus had been pacing the living room of the flat he and Sirius shared, getting increasingly anxious as time passed and Sirius ought to have come home already. The moment James entered the room, Remus had rushed towards him, worry etched on his features. The moment he saw the expression on James’ face, however, he had staggered back, repeatedly shaking his head. James had told Remus what he didn’t want to say and Remus didn’t want to hear, and that was the last time he saw emotion on Remus’ face. Every emotion passing by in rapid succession: fear, disbelieve, despair, anger, pain, only to be replaced by emptiness. The empty numbness was all that remained, and all that has been there since. Remus didn’t cry that day, or any day after. Crying means feeling, and feeling simply hurts too much.

Lily and James had expected, and hoped, Remus would break at the funeral. Thank Merlin they at least had a body to bury, which is a wry thing to be thankful for. It’s not that they wanted to see Remus break, but Remus had to feel in order to be able to grief, to mourn, to accept.

But Remus didn’t break.

Despite the indescribable pain it caused to watch Remus tentatively place a hand on Sirius’ cold cheek, and how no one will ever forget the look on Remus’ face while the casket was lowered into the ground, Remus didn’t break. He didn’t cry, and the numbness remained.

Lily and James got increasingly worried. It’s not that they had expected Remus to be okay by now, but they had expected Remus to be further along in the grieving process. To have at least started the grieving process. To pick up the pieces, you need to break first. There won’t be any question of him being okay for a long time. Hell, James himself is far from okay. Lily had to move all photos from his Hogwarts years in their house out of sight, as James couldn’t bear to see himself and Sirius standing side by side, grinning at the camera, ready to take on the world.

(“Potter and Black.” “You’d almost think they’re brothers.” “How is it you never see one without the other?”)

Never one without the other.

“Are you sure?” Remus asks, still no emotion sounding through in his voice.

James nods again. “Lily and I immediately agreed, and... I think it’s what he would've wanted.”

Of course, James never had the chance to ask Sirius, but he’s convinced that Sirius would’ve been in favour of anything that’ll help keep Remus alive. And as much as they love Remus, Lily and he would never take any chance with Harry’s safety. A Secret Keeper should go into hiding, and make himself unfindable to the ones trying to uncover the secret. A much more selfish reason for Lily and James to choose Remus as their Secret Keeper, is that they can be sure that, if the worst happens and he’s caught, Remus will easily choose death over betraying the secret.

Peter is a different story, and James honestly doesn’t blame him. It’s actually a convenient consequence that Peter won’t have to be the Secret Keeper. While he seemed eager to help Lily and James when they asked, and James is entirely thankful for that, he’s been acting rather off lately. He often seems to be somewhere else with his mind, distant and quiet. Sometimes it seems like he can hardly look James in the eye. James is convinced Peter is having second thoughts about becoming the Secret Keeper, and is afraid to talk to him about it. Peter will be happy to be to hear the plans have changed, and relieved to be completely left out of it from then on, James is sure of it.

“I’ll do it,” Remus suddenly says, after a short silence.

James smiles at him gratefully, and wants to thank him, but falls silent upon seeing Remus’ reaction.

Remus’ eyes suddenly widen, as he starts to tremble and presses a hand to his mouth, while staring at James in shock.

James opens his mouth to ask him what’s wrong, but before he can do so, he understands.

Remus is only now realising what it means for him to become the Secret Keeper, what Lily and James were already counting on: he’ll need to stay alive.

He had planned to take down as many Death-Eaters as possible, before inevitably being killed himself. But now, thanks to James, he won’t be following Sirius any time soon.

James watches as tears well up in Remus’ eyes and stream down his face, as it hits him that he’ll have to keep on living his life without Sirius, that he won’t be joining Sirius quite yet.

James reaches out and holds Remus tight, allowing his friend to shatter in his arms, and trying his best to keep the pieces together.

[lyallblacklupin]

Don’t miss the Yule Ball.

Remus sorts out his feelings about Sirius. 

Tags: Post-Incident with Severus Snape, Angst with Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Trust Issues.

Chapter 4

If someone had been there to witness what happened to Remus after Sirius had left the dorm, they would have had given him the longest hug to repress his teeming guilt that had gushed out of him so hard that he had collapsed on the floor, rocking back and forth for tears to come out, but they never came. He never wanted things to be turned this way between him and Sirius, which were completely unexpected. Sure, he did fantasize of being asked out by Sirius, but not in his right mind he had ever had any hopes for it to happen. He really underestimated Sirius. He was strongly reminded that the void in his chest was Sirius’ absence in his life which was expanding day by day, ripping his heart in the midst. He wanted Sirius. So much. He felt selfish—in fact he was selfish, and right now it didn’t seem like much of a sin.

He was again at the Gryffindor Table in the Great Hall, sipping coffee heedlessly, mind floating elsewhere in the crack of dawn. There were no classes today due to the Yule Ball in the evening. He had nothing to distract himself with. Surprisingly, he was greeted by a very unusual couple that he had to blink his eyes a little too much to believe he was seeing right.

“Oh, stop blinking! I know it’s hard to believe.” Lily Evans grumbled, with a slight amusement in her voice.

“Oh Evans, it’s not hard for me to believe. I am very much alive right now!” Yes, that was none other than James Potter, grinning his usual stupid, stupid smirk.

“For your information, we are not dating, Potter. We are just friends who happened to be going on a very casual event of our school.” Lily imitated a very elegant voice, smiling successfully that James couldn’t stop looking at her—or couldn’t stop swooning at her.

“Sure.” He shrugged, the smile not leaving his face for a second. They both slipped into their seats beside Remus, but they didn’t sit together. James and Lily were sitting on Remus’ sides. When the silence had prolonged for more than it was necessary, he found both of them staring at him.

“What?” He was utter confused.

“You think we are unable to see that long face of yours?” Lily commented, arching her brows like Mcgonacall. He shook his head slightly. He knew that he was not going to get away from this, “Tell us what happened?”

Remus was unable to gather words. He felt like he had no ounce of energy left in his body.

“I don’t know what to tell…” He trailed off.

“Okay, how about you tell us what are you feeling?” She put her hand on his.

“I don’t know that either.”

“Okay, okay…Umm. How about we ask you questions and you try to answer them?” Remus was not thrilled with her idea, so he stayed silent which she took it as his approval, “Did you have a fight with Sirius?”

“Not exactly a fight…” Remus was replaying the memory in his head for the infinith time, “Merlin, I wish it had been a fight.”

“Was it about…what he did with Snap—“ Lily was cut off by the shake of his head.

“No, it was not about that!” He said irritatingly, “We are way past that, okay?” He wasn’t asking but he was making it clear.

“Are you?” James interjected.

“Look, I have forgiven him long time ago. It’s just getting difficult to be, you know…normal?”

“Okay, let’s talk straight here, mate,” James put his arm around Remus—which was a typical ‘James Potter move’ when he was trying to convince someone, “You guys were dating before…all of that,” He did a vague hand gesture, “And right now, you guys are just these uncomfortable exes who are missing each other so much but have a tendency to ignore that.”

“Of course, I miss Sirius. He was my only best friend, James.” James gasped dramatically, making a show of how mocked he felt by his comment. Remus rolled his eyes at him.

“Yes, but James is trying to say that you guys miss being each other’s boyfriends.” Lily said those words with such gentleness that Remus felt heat creeping up on his neck. He was suddenly reminiscing the best memories of his life when he was dating Sirius.

“You are an ignorant, self-centered and a mean boyfriend, do you know that?” Remus replied blankly, his temper had reached the level of exhaustion because Sirius was right that Remus was never going to win any arguments with him. So he flopped on his bed but Sirius crawled from his behind to take him in his arms.

“But you love me.” He whispered, planting tiny kisses on Remus’ ear and jaw. Remus had turned into a mush, because it felt so good. He decided that he wasn’t unhappy on his position in their relationship. His mind made a mental note to himself that he’d rather let Sirius win all the arguments if it meant that he was never going to leave Remus.

“I do, I do love you.” He whispered back.

“Moony?”

“Remus?”

Remus jerked out of his ruminating to see James and Lily gawking at him.

“Sorry, just zoned out of the conversation.” He cleared his throat and Lily offered him her coffee.

“You’re a mess, Rem. You need to sort this out with yourself.” She was right, Remus knew, but he also wanted someone to tell him what to do.

“What do I do?”

“Go to the dance with him!” James piped up, and Remus flinched, “What?”

“Urgh. That was how it all started…”And then he told them what happened when Sirius asked him to be his date, how it turned out, and how infuriatingly he didn’t know what to do.

“You have a date!?” Lily scowled at him. Not only James was looking disappointed by the news, but Remus also felt sick of himself.

“I am the worst person in the world. I messed up. I messed everything! I knew that this was not what I wanted! I never wanted to date anyone. And yes, I admit, I haven’t moved on. Not even a little bit. I still think about him, and I can’t stop thinking about the fact that he had always been the one to calm me down whenever I’m angry or sad but then Snape happened, and I made a promise with myself that I will never let Sirius come near me. But I was this overconfident shit that I thought I will be able to handle all it. And then I wasn’t…and I can’t…”

His chest was thundering as the sobs began to cloud his throat, waiting for Remus to let go of himself. He didn’t want anyone to touch him otherwise, he’d never stop crying now that his heart was opening and becoming vulnerable.

“Moony…” James’ gentle voice was enough to bring his emotion at the brink of his eyes. He didn’t just underestimate Sirius, but also himself. That was very unlike Remus. He hated being the center of attention, he hated breaking down in public, and he hated people’s soft words—let alone the physical gestures.

“Don’t.” It was all he could manage to say when Lily had touched his arm. He was on his feet as he fled the hall, in desperate need to reach the lavatory.

So it was about what happened with Snape, came a voice in his head when he was inside the vacant bathroom. There was still mistrust, swimming with his judgments. His mind was telling him that he shouldn’t commit the same mistake of getting into relationship with Sirius but his heart was not helping at all. It was so in love. He was trying breathe properly.

Let love be your guide, his heart said.

And then get lost? His mind retorted.

Yes! Remus wanted to slap himself.

He had been pushing feelings all of his life. He had been very difficult with Sirius for straight two days when Sirius had confessed that he was in love with him. The most remarkable thing was that Sirius understood his struggle with feelings and emotions. He had the art to scoop them out of Remus’ system. Moony, this is the only way to calm yourself, he had said to him. And now, as Lily had said, he was a mess. Without him. Without Sirius.

After few hours—what felt like minutes—he washed his miserable face and walked to the courtyard. He didn’t want to go the Gryffindor Tower to face anyone. He was a wreck. He didn’t want to face Sirius either, so he just sat by the outdated fountain where the tree was protecting him from the sun. He decided that he was not going to the Ball. He just wanted to rehearse his future act of turning down Catherina Johnson gently. He relaxed himself there. It had been fifteen minutes, and he had been thinking of his DADA essay for Patronus charms, which was a win-win for him as a distraction.

However, it wasn’t long when he took out his wand and tried to cast a patronus.

“Expecto Patronum.” He whispered, thinking about the time when his friends had first time accompanied him to the moon as Animagus. A silver wisp glowed on the tip of his wand but then died out after a second, which made him eventually want to think about the moments that had made him genuinely happy. He thought about the time when Sirius had told him he was a good kisser, when he had told him that they should start dating, and a lot more but they were not strong enough to cast full patronus, just a silver light flickering. He was confused. He focused and focused, becoming impatient. He was also worrying if Sirius was not associated with his happiest memory then maybe Remus had been in an oblivion—or say, stupid in love. He knew that love was the most powerful element to do wonders, even in the wizarding world. But What if it was never love? What if it was just infatuation? Then why was his heart hammering so violently in his chest? But then he was suddenly reminded of a very bad day in his fifth year when he was walking by the dungeon where the sixth-years were taking their Potions class, and Slughorn had called him to volunteer.

“Mr Lupin here is a fifth year, and he has advanced enough to brew Veritaserum which is supposed to be taught in his next year. Uh—Mr Lupin please, come forth and—Mr Lupin?”

Remus was extremely annoyed by a certain scent saturating the room. He was sniffing, and whipping his head to follow it. He had completely forgotten that he was volunteering with Professor Slughorn because he is so concentrated on the scent which is filling his nostrils, making him quite dizzy.

“What is this smell, Professor?” He asked, still looking here and there. He knew that some of his senior students were making fun of him as the room was filled with faint sounds of sniggers and snorts.

“Mr Lupin, you are in a Potion classroom, there are numerous of potions sitting out…” Remus ignored his rambling because the scent is getting stronger. He couldn’t put a finger on it because it was reminding him of many things. Musk, which was making him lightheaded. Cigarettes. Damp hair after hot shower. The feeling of leather on skin, and also the forbidden forest. The scent had a strange sense of familiarization. It was vague but he was drawn to it. It was like he was sitting in the heart of someone—someone he knew, because he could feel their heart beat in his ears.

Remus’ whole day was a disaster because he couldn’t brew the Veritaserum properly, Slughorn had sent him back to his dorm, he was tackled by Peeves on his way, and he was also annoyed by some portraits which had made fun of his scars. After his prefect rounds, he entered the common room with a foul mood, and spotted Sirius Black sitting alone on the couch. He looked at his pocket watch and found that it was past midnight. Sirius stood up and held out his arms, smiling at him. Remus threw his satchel and books away, and fell into Sirius’ arms. He was embraced so tightly and warmly.

They both stayed quiet, and Remus nuzzled his face in the crook of his neck. That was when his eyes snapped both because he caught a whiff of the same scent that had been annoying him in the Potions.

“That scent.” Remus murmured, pulling away from Sirius.

“What scent?” Sirius asked, perplexed.

“Oh! Not you, now! I have had enough of it! This scent is driving me mad, Sirius!”

“Hey, hey, calm down, Moony, why are you crying?”

“What?”

“You are crying.”

“Oh.”

“Come here.”

He was embraced again, and then it hit him. That scent was Sirius. It was not coming from somewhere, it was just Sirius’ scent. Very natural, and very Sirius. The potion he had smelled in the dungeon was Amortentia. Sirius had always been the one to give Remus the physical interaction he shared with no one in his group. Due to his claustrophobia, he had always found hugging very uncomfortable, but not with Sirius, never with Sirius.

“I’m claustrophobic.”

“I know.” Sirius tightened his hold on Remus, pulling him impossibly closer, and he was not choking for breath. That made him cry, more and more. He was not embarrassed for the streaming tears, so he let them fall because it was just Sirius. His home.

“Expecto Patronum.”

A full grown silver dog shot out of his wand, running in circles around Remus enthusiastically. And suddenly, Remus realized why such an odd memory was his happiest and the most powerful one because it was the day when he was brought in front of the raw truth that he was in love with Sirius Black.

It was afternoon, and everyone was gathering for lunch a little earlier because the Great Hall was going to be sealed for the decorations of the Yule Ball until the evening. Remus looked around him, everyone was beaming and laughing with the exhilaration for tonight. He needed to find Sirius. He wanted to talk to him. He wanted to see him, at least. He walking quickly through the crowd, looking for him.

“Hey Remus!” He turned to find Catherina staring at him. Remus groaned internally.

“Hi, Catherina.” He tried to smile.

“Oh, call me Cathy. My friends calls me Cathy.” They fell into brief silence but she break it—to Remus’ horror, “So what’s the color of your robes tonight?” He frowned at her, “Oh, it’s okay if you don’t to tell but please don’t wear anything mustard. I have an extreme aversion to—“

“Catherina, I can’t go with you tonight.” He tried to ignore the hammering of his heart.

“What?” She looked distraught.

“I’m sorry—“

“Is this because of Black?”

“What does Sirius has to do with any of this?”

“Oh you bet your arse, it is! You guys think you are so subtle.” Remus is frozen in his place, “Who do you think you are? You thought I was just a bloody nobody to whom you’ll say yes without having to mean it—“

“Catherine, it’s not like that! I’m not feeling well, I can’t go—“

“Oh, save it, Lupin! You first agreed to be my date and broke Black’s heart, and now you’re going to his date by breaking mine?” She looked hurt, very hurt and Remus wanted to just die because her words were too true to be painful, “Can’t you see what you are doing?”

“I am so sorry, Cathy. Please. And I’m not going with anyone!” But she was shaking his head, “You have to believe me. And you are right, I did break your heart and you have no idea how pathetic I feel! I am a terrible person. I don’t deserve to be your date.”

“You are not,” She spoke after a brief silence, “You are not a terrible person. You are just stupid.”

“Same thing.”

“Look, you didn’t break my heart. You hurt my feelings, and I didn’t expect that from you. But you know what, people surprise you.” There is a very awkward silence between them and Remus couldn’t stop himself from apologizing. She gave him a long strange look, and then walked away.

Remus didn’t stand for any longer, he began walking. The thoughts, the guilt, the pain, the unjust things, the stupid acts, unfathomable love, all of that was dawning upon him at every step he was taking. His pace was becoming frantic as he reached closer to the Gryffindor Tower.

He entered the common room, his heart was racing abnormally. He paid no heed to the fourth-years standing in their robes and gowns. He ascended the staircase to his dormitory. For a second, he thought he was the same fifth-year student fleeing the Potions class because a certain scent had screwed up his day. He barged into the dorm just like he had on that day in the common room.

And once again, he found none other than Sirius Black, sitting alone in the room.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 5 is coming soon!

[siriuslyblackblog]

Professor 》 Remus Lupin (18+)

《 (4) 》

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Rose spent the whole day preparing for the task. Or that's what she was telling her roommates and the twins. In reality, she was thinking about the man. The man who looked so good in that white shirt with his sleeves rolled up. Something nobody knew about her is that she had a wild imagination. Her roommates and twins saw her as a distant but shy person. In reality, she spent many nights touching herself and keeping her mouth shut. But she would rarely bring herself release. There was nobody to fill out those fantasises. Now she finally had someone. Right now, her mind was filled with her professor taking that shirt off and revealing his body. She wondered how skilled his tongue was. She always wanted to feel so much more than just her fingers down there. She wanted to feel his tongue. Oh, how good that would feel. She needed professor Lupin so bad that her clit was aching.

Rose slowly worked her fingers on her clit, driving herself to an orgasm for what seemed like an eternity. She simply couldn't reach it. Her other hand held onto the headboard and her had was thrown back. It felt good, but not good enough. Her clit was now so sensitive that each touch became painful. It wasn't pleasure anymore. It was just pain and frustration. Her body was covered in sweat, her hair was sticking to her face and her mouth was dry. Rose finally moved her fingers from her clit and relaxed her body on the bed, letting out a frustrated huff. She couldn't do it.

Looking out through the window, she noticed that the sun was already setting. Her roommates will be back any minute and she was still laying naked on the bed. She put on her clothes, then picked new ones and headed towards the showers. As the cold water relaxed her tense muscles and washed off her sweat, she started thinking. She caught her roommates pleasuring themselves many times during the night, and they all seemed to reach their orgasm fast. So why couldn't Rose do it? Her fingers slid down to try one more time, but pain took over her body and she immediately pulled them away. That's it for today, she thought.

Casting a spell to dry her hair and dress up, she gathered her books and made her way towards her new favorite classroom. A big sigh fell from her lips and she closed her eyes. She was finally going to be alone with him. But what did she expect? He won't jump on her as soon as he sees her. She wasn't dressed the way he seemed to like. Even though it was only September, the rainy days made most students pull out their jumpers. At least her stomach was hidden under the white shirt and the grey jumper. She decided to wear the robe today too. It was buttoned up so that her legs were hidden too. It was quite cold and she didn't want to play with her health. Not tonight while it was raining and the sky was lighting up every few seconds.

Merlin, she hated thunder. Every time the hallways and her room lit up, she would wince. It was truly beautiful to watch, but her ears were sensitive and she disliked the sounds of it. That's why she begged the twins to leave her out of any pranks that involved fireworks, firecrackers or anything similar that makes loud noises and explodes. After making fun of her and receiving a few shoulder hits, they finally made a promise. Speaking of pranks, the chocolate was now forgotten deep in her drawer. She didn't want that kind of trouble with the new professor. She needed to impress him.

Roseanne entered the classroom with a smile on her face, ready to greet her professor. Her smile faded once she realised nobody was in the classroom. The room lit up once again, making her squeeze the books against her chest as she waited for the loud noise to pass. She sat down in the place where Nancy would usually sit: right in front of him. Like usual, she placed her books in the corner of the desk and took her quill. It was old and barely functioning, but she didn't have money for more. She couldn't tell her parents that she needed it. She just got it. How was she supposed to tell them that Draco Malfoy stole it from her and convinced everyone that she was actually the one to steal from him? The Malfoys and Periculums were already in a complicated... let's all it friendship. They didn't need more drama. Besides, she would still suffer awful words from Mr Malfoy and his son. Although, Narcissa and Dottie grew up together and were almost like sisters, Lucius and Vernon were enemies since day one of schooling. Vernon was just as spoiled as Lucius and the fight about popularity was still active, just with less violence and more words.

Dottie and Vernon were very young when they got married. Dottie came from a rich family and was the perfect fit for Vernon. Her hair was similar to Narcissa's. Her poliosis didn't just make her hair different. She also had different eye colours, making her stunning. That's mostly what made boys approach her when she was younger. She was always showered with presents, but she still kept her humble side. That's what she wanted for her daughter too. Both of them.

Yes, both. There were two. Roseanne and Leta. Leta was the older sister. The daughter they made a mistake with. Vernon spoiled her, showered her with love and presents and Leta grew up to be rude to her mother. Dottie didn't want to let her child drown in the materialistic world and lose herself. She wanted her to learn true values such as friendship and love. Vernon was always against Dottie's mindset and continued to make every Leta's wish come true. When Roseanne was born, the older sister was blinded by jealousy. She hated the younger one, continously hit her when nobody was watching and kept saying mean words to her. Even though the baby couldn't understand her, Leta felt better when she let out all her anger. Roseanne grew up in her mother's shadow and Leta continued to take whatever was given to her. On Leta's eighteenth birthday, Vernon gave her a single present. It was a wand. A special powerful wand and Merlin knew where the man got it. It was gold with a diamond handle, shining and almost blinding even in dimmed rooms. A few days later, it was Rose's birthday. Rose got a big cake, her own big room and a pet, her beautiful barn owl Eris. She also got a single necklace from her mother. It was a silver necklace with an owl pendant. The owl had two rubies instead of normal eyes. Scared that she might lose it, she attached the pendant to her bracelet and hid it under the sleeves.

One night, Rose heard screams and loud thuds. Outside of her window, she could see Leta on her knees, crying her soul out and holding onto Vernon's leg. The black haired man pushed his daughter away, then entered the Manor with an angry look on his face. Dottie stayed behind, wiping off the tears and placing a kiss on Leta's forehead. Then, she pulled out her wand and cast a spell through tears. In a second, Leta was gone. No, she couldn't have killed her. Her body would still be there. The sister simply vanished. Rose never really had a good relationship with her sister, but she often thought about her. Leta was somewhere alone, without a family. Was it her decision to stay away or she couldn't find the way back? Rose also noticed the big change in her parent's behaviour. They became cold and distant. They were very strict with Rose, allowed her to eat just twice a day and with limited amounts of food, which is why she used all the chances she had to eat properly at Hogwarts. Lamb and potatoes were much more appealing than carrots and cauliflower.

Her thoughts were interrupted when something soft touched her leg, making her jump. She pulled out her wand, ready to cast a spell at whatever just touched her. The creature moved towards her and Rose could finally recognise the brown ears. Coco had escaped and followed her to the classroom because she was scared of the thunder. Usually it was Dell who took care of her, but she must've had plans with Fred.

"Coco!" The girl whispered as she tried to get her pet. "Bad girl. What are you doing here?"

The small creature escaped her hands, then started hopping towards the stairs which led to professor Lupin's room. Rose gasped in horror and rushed up the stairs, trying to grab the brown ball of fluff. Coco was faster than her and reached the top immediately. Rose tried the tongue clicking sounds to call her, even pulled out a few leftover treats. But the bunny only looked back at her once, then disappeared inside the room. The door wasn't fully closed. It was opened just enough for the pet to get inside. Rose sighed in defeat, then carefully and quietly climbed up. Professor Lupin still wasn't around and she hoped he wouldn't be until she got her naughty pet out.

The brown haired girl gulped as she finally reached the door. She crawled on the floor, careful not to make any loud noises. She still had the treats in her hand, hoping that the bunny would smell them and get back. Sometimes she just wished she never got it. Coco often liked to sneak into the kitchen and steal vegetables. Once they found her in the fridge, laying on her back and just staring in front of her. She had eaten so much that she couldn't move. Rose could yell as much as she wanted, but Coco got it her way. It was late now. The damage was done. The animal was smarter than you'd think. Never underestimate them.

"Coco, I'm going to leave you here and pretend I don't know you. I'll find a different bunny. A good bunny. Not a bad girl like you."

The words and the treats seemed to have worked because Coco was back at the entrance again. Rose was still on the floor, her hands in front of her as she held the delicious treats for Coco. The bunny was soon in her hands, drowning in the sweet taste and wiggling her ears. Rose finally sighed with relief, then gave her a few pets.

"You're in big trouble, little one," she said with a smile. As much as the pet got on her nerves, she adored it. Rose pushed herself off the ground so that she was kneeling. She was still waiting for the bunny to finish eating so she could hide him under her robes during this class. Just as she was finished and Rose got ready to get up, the door opened. Professor Lupin stood in front of her, his eyebrow raised in amusement.

"May I know what you are doing, Miss Periculum?"

Rose felt her body freeze. She slowly raised her head, her eyes meeting the soft hazel ones. She couldn't move or speak. She could only watch. Her professor wore a white shirt which wasn't properly buttoned up, his hair was a bit wet and his chest was slowly rising and falling. A small smile was on his lips as he watched his student struggle to form a sentence. He looked like a hot mess. He looked incredibly good. She wanted him so bad. She wanted to pull those wet strands of hair, make him sweat and make him want her at every time of the day. She wanted him to be obsessed with her just like she was becoming obsessed with him.

Remus let out a chuckle, then stepped closer towards the girl. He hated that he was enjoying the sight of her on her knees. She looked so small, so innocent and so sweet. He wondered what that bottom lip tasted like. He wanted to make both her lips plump with kisses. He also wondered how beautifully her already red face would look covered in sweat, her hair sticking to it because of certain activities. He just adored how she currently looked on her knees. Clouds of lust hovered over his mind, his sense disappearing somewhere in the back of his head. The man got so close to her now and noticed that her head was in the perfect height as his crotch.

Rose gulped, then brought her bunny closer to her chest. Her legs almost betrayed her when her professor put his hand under her chin, slowly raising her head up and making her stand up. She could feel her skin burning as he kept his hand there. His thumb moved up and gently touched her bottom lip. Merlin, that had to be the softest thing he had ever touched. Rose relaxed into his touch and looked at him completely enchanted. He allowed himself to step even closer, closing the distance between the two of them. His head was only inches away from hers and she closed her eyes, enjoying his warm breath on her lips. If only he would kiss her. If only he would press her against the nearest wall and touched her the way he knew.

"Roseanne Periculum!"

"Rose, we know what you did! Come out, now!"

The voices were loud in the hallways, making her wince and move away. Her eyes had become glossy with lust and she could barely breathe. Remus removed his hand from her face, then moved her hair aside and moved just in time. Elisaveta and Priya entered the room, followed by professor Sprout. The blonde haired girl looked furious. Her hands were squeezed in fists and she was almost flying towards Rose. Priya followed behind, her face similar to Elisaveta's. Rose stumbled backwards, hitting the chest of her professor with her back. If there wasn't two very angry people in front of her, she would be on cloud nine.

Remus stepped in front of his student just in time and held his arm out in front of her so the blonde girl wouldn't do anything. Elisaveta angrily tried to grab Roseanne again, but Remus stood in front of her with his whole body now. The brown haired girl held her bunny against her chest, fear taking over her body. Why was her House Head here and why were the girls angry?

"What seems to be the problem, Pomona?"

The lady pulled the girls back, then stood in front of the professor.

"Miss Periculum did a prank on the girls. Or so I've been told. Is that true, Rose?"

Before she could answer, Remus put his hands in his pockets and looked at the girls. "Roseanne was here for a long time. She couldn't be the one to do it."

"She did it and she knows it."

This time, Priya rushed towards her and almost got her, but was stopped by the professor again. He simply stood in front of Rose, protecting her from their angry grips and stares. Meanwhile, Rose got a clear look on his toned back. She wished she could drag her nails all over them and mark him. That way everyone would know that he was making her feel good and he belonged to her only.

Roseanne, you hopeless, horny virgin.

"That chocolate was your idea. It was the creation of you and those filthy Weasleys!"

"Oh, no."

Remus turned around towards her with a confused look on his face.

"Oh no? What does that mean, Miss Periculum?"

Rose bit her lip and looked at him apologetically. "It is the creation of the Weasleys, professor. But it wasn't meant for them. They took it from my drawer."

"Who was the chocolate for?" Remus asked, even though he knew the answer.

"You, professor."

He looked over at the blonde haired student, then back at his favorite one. She was biting her lip and nervously petting her bunny. Oh, how he wished he could be the one biting that lip. He would gently suck it, then sink his teeth into it just enough to hear her whine and beg for more.

"And what was the chocolate supposed to do to me?"

"Well, I'm not sure about that."

"Not sure?! Fireworks were coming out of my ears, nose, mouth and–"

"That's enough information, Yakusheva."

Remus was lucky that he had his back turned towards them. He let out a chuckle, knowing how the sentence would end. Seeing that Rose was still nervously looking at him, he sent her a wink and gently took the bunny from her.

"Well, Pomona, there's only one way to solve this."

"What is that, Remus?"

"I say detention. From me."

Finally, something good came out of Weasley's pranks. Remus knew what he was doing. As soon as the girls left the class, he say in his chair and placed the bunny on the desk, giving it pets.

"Have a seat, Miss Periculum. It's going to be a long night if you don't start."

"Yes, professor."

The man let out a quiet hum at her words, enjoying the way she called him. He just couldn't wait for the detention. Will she let him touch her? Will she let him show her how good she can feel? Little did he know that Rose had wilder fantasies than that about him. Fantasies about his tongue, his fingers and his...

"The task is on the blackboard. Good luck, Roseanne."

"Thank you, professor."