#i am however a good storyteller so i learned how to turn my need to overexplain into story-time sometimes

[sodomy-and-the-boyscouts]

someone saying “i don’t know” to something just to make the conversation go quicker or something, and not because they don’t actually know and would like to understand why, is not something that I was able to comprehend as a child and that’s only really hitting me now.

all the times i would be so confused because eight year old me over explaining everything because someone hinted that they didn’t know what something was was suddenly thrown back at me like “you stupid know-it-all” and i’d be all confused because i thought people WANTED to know things!

yes, i now understand that you shouldn’t suddenly start mansplaining Casey Kasem’s family history to someone, but as a kid i was at school, not living an adult life, where i was constantly told “we’re supposed to be learning!” and it just didn’t register with me that that wasn’t always true and that everyone doesn’t always want to know things.

would’ve saved me a lot of trouble if someone just explained to me that that’s not how it works instead of getting mad at me for being a know-it-all. I just knew, and I wanted to share.

[saurons-pr-department]

Hey anon, I have screen-shotted your ask because I am going to try stay out of tag/term searches here, which in an of itself probably answers your question XD

So! Thoughts as they occur to me!

I did give the whole first season a watch. Partly out of giving it a chance, partly out of morbid curiosity, like when you can't look away from something awful happening in front of you even when you really want to close your eyes.

What I think is interesting actually, is that my main issues with the show have somewhat changed since I initially watched it. While watching it my only thoughts were "wrong, wrong, that never happened, wrong, wrong, wrong, look how they massacred my boy (gn), wrong!" And while those thoughts themselves haven't changed my main issues have changed to focus more on how it's such a badly structured story (the timelines feel both stretched and compressed in a way that doesn't add anything to the stories being told) and how I don't think it knows yet what it wants to be (it's Tolkien, but it's its own thing, but it's a 'prequel' in the very modern franchise sense of the word to the PJ films, but it's also not those films).

For the structure, I personally wouldn't have put two major stories into one show. I don't think there's the time for that. Both the Akallabêth and the creation of the rings exist as very sketchy narratives that cover extremely long timeframes. Original content was always going to be needed to fill the gaps. But by putting both tales into the one show, I feel they've doubled the amount of gap filling needed while halving the amount of screentime they have for it because there's now twice the amount of canon to cover (tbf, they don't seem to want canon so maybe that's not an issue for them...). To force them to run simultanously and then add original content that isn't just filling the gaps but appears to be completely original, you end up with a story that is both too empty and too full. Nothing is getting the time it deserves. Big moments feel undeserved or rushed. It takes the wind out of its own sails. (and that's without mentioning that these stories running alongside eachother just throws timelines and motivations out of whack, but I refuse to get us all bogged down in the minutiae of my grumblings!)

It's a pity, the story of the fall of Númenor and the creation of the rings have such good parallels, but that would require them to focus on things like religion and politics etc and they seem to be more interested in mystery boxes, so... oh well?

In regards the show's identity crisis, to be fair to them, that's really not that unusual in first seasons. They're not special XD Let's face it, how often have we all been recommended something that came with the caveat 'you need to get through the first few episodes/first season before it gets good and finds its feet'? Especially fantasy and sci-fi that has to establish facts about the world as well as characters in a way a drama set in the real world doesn't. I wouldn't be shocked to learn that the show hits its stride a bit better in later seasons.

However, my current biggest gripe with the show is what I'm seeing in the writers' attitude to storytelling. I can't stand it. The actor for a certain someone whose name begins with H didn't know who his character really was until after shooting the first few episodes. There's the back and forth of is it H or the guy who fell from the sky who'll turn out to be the villain. Sky man even gets some stalkers whose only purpose was to add confusion to this situation and then be immediately killed, no further context. One of the writers (I don't remember who) when asked about deviations from canon said something to the effect of 'we don't want book fans to be episodes ahead'. It's the modern Marvel school of story-telling. It's mystery boxes and twists and fears of spoilers and people knowing what's coming next. That's not how you tell a story. You need more substance than that. Big moments are only interesting if you've earned them with a well crafted lead up. And what's the point of a big moment if it adds nothing to the story in the first place. They had one of fantasy's most iconic villains, why was there a secret? The Second Age is where he's cracking out his most rediculous long cons. The man's twirling his mustache while kicking up his feet and writing 'evil' into every date in his diary for at least a millenium, what does a secret identity add to this story really?

Don't worry, I will move swiftly on from the topic of my boy who is not really my boy before we get in too deep... No one needs to hear that... But do you get my point? Big reveal. No substance.

To add a note of positivity, I actually really like Sky man's music. It's genuinely a really nice piece of music. I also liked that they wanted to add one of the 'original' orcs, that's a cool concept!

Oh! And whoever okayed those American 'stage-Irish' accents needs to be fired into the sun :D

[danpuff-ao3]

Fiction Works 2/2: Storytelling, not Teaching or Preaching

See also: Fiction Works 1: Different Strokes for Different Folks

In part 1 I talked about exploring real experiences and potential in fiction. Here in part 2 we are going to remember that, while fiction can be a useful tool for exploration, it is not, in fact, real.

Writing gay Harry Potter fanfic does not make me a gay man (I am actually an asexual lady), nor does it make me a wizard (though c'mon, I wish!) By that same token, writing underage does not make me a pedophile.

Thomas Harris is not guilty of cannibalism, even though he wrote about a cannibal named Hannibal. Vladimir Nabokov is not a pedophile because he wrote Lolita. Bram Stoker is not a vampire because he wrote Dracula. We aren't arresting authors by the truckload for the spilling of fictional blood.

What we need to remember is this:

Fiction (noun) 1.literature in the form of prose that describes imaginary events and people. 2. something that is invented or untrue.

To sum it up: fiction is not reality.

I'm a Storyteller. Not a Teacher, or a Preacher. You shouldn't trust my use of em-dashes, let alone take an infidelity story as a how-to guide.

Stories can be a tool for so many things. Maybe it's catharsis. Maybe it's distraction. Maybe it's curiosity, philosophy, entertainment, exploration. Fiction is a safe avenue to learn, and think, and feel.

Creators are inspired by the world around them, and their own experiences. They're inspired by rainbows, and sunsets, and wildflowers. They're inspired by wildfires, hurricanes, and tornadoes. They're inspired by mythology, religion, folklore, and history. All that is beautiful and ugly and wonderful and terrible in the world.

Creators are shaped by their own lives. And, as stated in Part 1, we are all different. We come from different places, and are raised different ways, and we turn into different people. We have our own histories, our own stories, our own thoughts and opinions and preferences and feelings.

Throw it all in a blender, and maybe the tulip becomes a rose. Maybe the wildfire becomes an earthquake. Maybe the sunset is an inferno, and the night sky is the abyss. Maybe the those old ruins are the path to Heaven.

The reality of the materials used and the methods used aren't always evident in the final work. Our stories come from somewhere, sure, but it's never as cut and dry as people think.

Can stories hurt you? Sure. The way anything can hurt you. The world isn't a safe space, after all.

It's valid if a story hurts you. If you're triggered by it, or upset by it, or don't like it. Not all negative reactions are triggers, but they don't have to be. You're allowed your own feelings. But the existence of a work that upsets you is not a crime against you. A story that depicts evil deeds is not, itself, evil.

In real life, I have a zero tolerance policy for cheating. I have very strong feelings about it.

Do you know what I love to read and write? You guessed it! Cheating! It goes hand in hand with my other great love: toxic/dysfunctional relationships!

In real life, I'd never have a relationship with a person who cheated ever, even in the past. I'd not stay with someone who cheated on me. I have a very stable, happy, boring relationship. I have a good life now, because I built it from the wreckage of a chaotic upbringing.

My father cheated on my mother and left her for his mistress. He dragged his children through the middle of his dysfunctional relationship, which lasted a decade. We suffered the consequences of his choices. It's a pretty long and fucked up story, and I won't get that personal here, but the point is:

I never, ever want to experience any of that in my real world again. However, exploring those events in a fictional scenario is safe for me. There's an odd comfort in the familiarity of it. Seeing that one awful thing through different lenses, and playing out so many ways, helps me process what I went through. It soothes me now as it soothed me then, right in the thick of it, being able to explore it all in a way that was safe and that I could control. I could get off the ride at any point. I could close the word document, or close the tab. I could close the book, or turn off the TV.

My Real Father in the Real World hurt Real People with his Real Actions. That was my Real Life, and it Really Sucked.

Fictional People in a Fictional World who hurt Fictional People with their Fictional Actions...that is a story.

Real People in the Real World who hurt Real People and blame Fictional Stories...those Real People are to blame for Real Harm.

The Real Person who blames a movie for the Real Crime they committed...that Real Person is to blame. 100%.

And the Real Person who attacks Real People in defense of Fictional People...Real People who hurt Real People and use Fictional Stories as an excuse...those Real People are the villains.

[irregularcollapse]

just downloaded the epub of eiat and was reminded of how awesome and amazing you are as like. an Author, capital A. the whole construction is so masterful and i’m so grateful to have witnessed the whole thing build up to what it is. not just the masterful writing and obviously meticulous typeset, but the community of people who love this work. the final chapter can put on my birthday so i’m going to post my adoring comment sobbing about this fics end as soon as i have time to read. thank you forever and always for something that saw me every wednesday like a close and adoring friend through an incredibly tough period of my life!

omg my King

This is the most insanely kind comment, I barely even know what to address first. I guess the most important thing is thank you so much, and I am incredibly flattered and humbled that my writing was such a constant thing for you at a hard time! After all, that's why so many writers write---to share the feeling that writing gives to us.

I guess that hits on why I write fic and share it at all, actually. It's something you've mentioned here: that sense of community. I write to connect with people, to share stories, hopefully to entertain and bring people enjoyment. Getting responses from people like you is such a huge part of feeling part of something, of knowing that what I create means something.

The process of making EIAT was really helpful for me in a lot of ways. It truly cemented something that I've been thinking for a while, which is that traditional publishing just isn't the route I want to go down. I'm not interested in reaching a huge audience; I much prefer this sense of togetherness created when like-hearted people respond to and gather around a creative work.

I put in the effort that I do (and do insanely over-the-top things like learning typesetting, and teaching myself how to sort-of format a reflowable ePub) because I want what I make to be good for the people who find it. I want you all to know that it's for all of you, and myself, and anyone else who finds their way to what I make.

Writing is such a strange creative pursuit. It makes me think of something Miranda July said about film-making:

I thought moviemaking would only really become an artform if anyone could access it, the way anyone can paint or sing or write. Mediums don’t suffer from being available, they evolve. If movies always need a company behind them, they will never really be an art.

What I disagree with her about is, while it's true that writing is a highly accessible medium (it is low-cost, can be done by analogue or digital means, can even be dictated orally exactly as intended), that doesn't mean it's an accessible artform. The divide between amateur and professional is largely what seems to dictate whether someone is seen as a writer (hobbyist) or author (artist).

I dislike a lot of things about the publishing industry. I dislike that authors are increasingly being turned into brands. I dislike that books are being advertised on the basis of their building blocks instead of their execution. I dislike that a social media following is becoming a significant contributing factor to whether a writer's manuscript will get read. I dislike censorship being passed off as editing; I dislike the concept of book "trends;" I dislike that "representation" is becoming a marketing buzzword instead of a crucial storytelling consideration.

However, I love books. I love everything about them, from the conceptual to the physical, from the narrative to the object. What I realised, while working on EIAT, is that I don't need a publisher to be able to make them. In a super-pretentious summation of what I mean, I guess my intention is to reclaim books as an artform, and to demonstrate to anyone who finds my work that you can too.

That's why I've decided to do it all myself (with some necessary proofreading/editing help, hello M I love you sooooooo much), from the planning to the writing to the formatting to the binding. EIAT has been like a trial run of it all, and I can't tell you how creatively fulfilling it has been. I can't wait to actually start and finish work on my own bound copy---to hold this thing in my hands and know that I made it, completely, from the beginning to the end. It will be entirely my vision as I want it to be.

This has turned into a bit of a rambling reply but I sort of just wanted to explain that like. I am so incredibly stoked that you (and other readers like you!!) have enjoyed what I've done so much. I really only want to create lovely things for other people to enjoy, so knowing that I've done that is all I need <3 Thank you again, for this message. You've absolutely made my day!

[give-soup-please]

Hi!! I wanted to say your writing is amazing and i get so excited whenever you post!! Your posts really feed my hyperfixation and I am very greatful for that!! I wanna thank you for writing these!!! I'm not very good at describing this but maybe if you haven't already, could you write about the Narrator being a father figure towards the player/reader thats stuck in the parable? Again, thank you for all of these!!❤

Narrator being a father figure to a reader stuck in the parable

You coming here was more of an accident than anything else. A misfire of the code, or a freak accident. However, after Stanley stops moving, the narrator isn’t going to turn down anyone’s company. 

You’re so afraid when you first come here. You hesitantly take steps around the office, and flinch away whenever he speaks. He reaches out to you again and again, trying to ease your anxiety.

He doesn’t give up. The narrator’s patience knows no bounds. When there was a player in control, he snarked occasionally when they didn’t move, but he never left them alone, not really. He always waited for them to make a choice.

“Reader, I mean you no harm, really. My function is that of a storyteller. Wouldn’t you rather be my protagonist than be afraid?”

As soon as he starts feeling fatherly towards you, he cuts off the worst routes in the game. It was difficult enough when Stanley threw himself off the staircase over and over, he’s not going to watch his own child do the same.

He begins to recognize how small the parable is compared to the world you came from. He creates new paths, and frustratedly puts the bucket back in. Just give him attention occasionally too, or he’s going to get upset.

Over time, you become his entire world. Coming from a real place, having a real backstory, he wants to learn everything about you. 

He asks such strange questions, you think. He asks about your favorite colors, what sorts of stories you like, things that you wouldn’t expect a narrator to be interested in. He asks you how blue the sky is in your world, and what sorts of things you enjoyed doing.

He begins compiling information on the things you like, trying to make you as comfortable as possible. Before he knows it, he has an entire room of notes dedicated to your preferences. Not that he’ll ever let you know.

Maybe you have a bad day. The world is quiet here. Too quiet. You’re getting lonely. You sit down on the couch in the employee lounge and put your head in your hands. The narrator comforts you.

“Oh reader, I know this is difficult, but it really isn’t all bad. Until I find a way for us to leave the game together, I’m afraid we’re stuck. But we can keep eachother company. I can tell you stories, I can read to you, and we can talk as much as you need. You don’t need to be alone anymore.”

At some point, he forgets his story almost entirely. You're more important. He still appreciates being listened to though.  

[adapembroke]

What Are Progressions in Astrology?

In this video, astrologer Ada Pembroke explains secondary progressions using the example of her progressed Mercury.

Transcript

Hello friends, my name is Ada Pembroke. I'm an astrologer and storyteller. And in my Patreon community, one of my patrons asked me a question about secondary progressions. And I thought that instead of answering the question in our private discord community where only my patrons would be able to see it, I thought that I would make a video where I address the question so that maybe it can help other people. So if you find this video helpful, please let me know by liking and subscribing to my channel.

Defining Progressions

Alright, so business, what are secondary progressions? Secondary progressions are an astrological technique that helps you to see the way that humans grow and change over the course of a lifetime.

They are a little bit like transits in that they are a way of working with the way that planets move over time, but instead of watching the place in the sky where the planets actually are, the time that we're working with is symbolic time.

And the way that secondary progressions work is we take the movement of the planets from the first 90 days of the human life, we stretch those transits out. Then we map them on to the first 90 years of a person's life--100 or 110 or 120, however long a person lives. So one day in the first 90 days of human life matches one year of a planet's movements with progressions.

It takes the moon two and a half days to move through a sign by transit, so it will take about two and a half years for the moon to move through a sign by progression.

What are progressions used for?

I mentioned that they are ways of mapping human growth. The way that I like to think of progressions is that they're like the rings of tree. As a planet moves, you are adding the qualities of that planet's changes to your chart.

A good example of this is that most of us who live long enough, will experience Mercury (the planet of the mind and learning) moving through signs that represent each of the elements.

How Mercury Evolves Through Progressions

So, for instance, I was born with Mercury in Aries, which means that I was born with a fiery Mercury, a fiery intellect. Because I was that way when I was born, and that was the way that I was conditioned when I was young, that's my default mode. That's the innermost ring of my tree. That is my core. You have to drill down all the way to the very center of the essence of who I am before you start to chip away at that Aries expression of mercury.

But when I was five years old, my Mercury went into Taurus, which is an earth sign, and all of a sudden that fiery energy, that spontaneity that is so core and so default in my nature entered kindergarten. I entered a environment where suddenly my impulsive learning style and my impulsive nature had to conform to a new program. It was uncomfortable for me. I was one of those kids who was constantly getting up out of my seat and running around, and my kindergarten teacher had to patiently tell me to sit back down and continue doing my what I considered to be very tedious work. But, eventually, I got to a place where the pragmatic skills that they teach you in school, the need to sit down, be quiet and be still need to be grounded, the need to be practical and the need to plan your work ahead and make sure that you're turning things on in on time, all of these basic earthy practical skills that you need, started to become actually authentic parts of my nature, as Mercury moved through my Taurus.

And then... I believe my Mercury went into Gemini when I was in graduate school. When Mercury moved into Gemini, it joined my progressed sun, which was and still is in Gemini. Suddenly, I started to take on a more intellectual quality to my thought. I started to go back a little bit to the curious and frenetic way of thinking that I was born with. Instead of being fiery and impulsive the way the Aries is, I went broad, and I followed my curiosity.

I had been identifying as a writer for a long time. My sun, my sense of identity, had been in Gemini since I had been 12 years old, and that was around the time that I started to identify as a writer, but I felt like, in many ways, my mind caught up to where my sense of myself was. My skills, my ability to communicate as a writer, caught up with my identity as a writer. There was a simpatico between my identity and my actual skills.

Then, when I was in my 30s, my Mercury moved into the watery sign of Cancer. And one of the things that I'm learning as Mercury moves through cancer is how to bring emotion, empathy, feeling connection with other people, and emotional authenticity into my work.

So that uses the movements of Mercury to kind of explain to you how the mind learns different skills and integrates them into the model of the personality, into the way the mind works.

The Natal Planet Is the Core of Your Identity

I am still fundamentally--like I've said a couple times now--fundamentally a fiery person, fundamentally an impulsive person. I was asked this question about progressions maybe 15 minutes ago, and now I'm sitting in front of the camera answering it. And when I'm done recording, I'm gonna put it right up on YouTube without any editing, because that is my nature. That is my fundamental mental process, my creative communicative process, my communicative nature.

But I also have the skills that I learned when I was in elementary school, the practical skills, the ability to show up on time, the ability to plan ahead, the ability to remember to bring things when I'm when I'm going places. I don't need to remember my lunch when I go to school anymore, but when I go out, when I go shopping, I need to remember my reusable bags, these kinds of things. These are things that I learned during my Taurus time.

And I still carry with me my Gemini in curiosity and my interest in storytelling and research that I developed when Mercury was in Gemini.

And when Mercury moves on into a fire sign later in my life, I'm going to be bringing all of the emotional things that I have learned from Mercury's time in Cancer.

Progressions Expand Your Identity

One of the things that I think is most important to understand about progressions is that they are like gifts that we pick up over the course of our lives. They might be intellectual gifts, communication gifts, if it's our Mercury. They might be gifts that help us to expand our sense of identity if we're talking about progressions of the sun.

I was born with a taurean identity, my sun is in Taurus. And when I was very young, I identified as someone who was always outside. I was always laying on the grass looking up at the clouds. I was a grounded, earthy kid who collected bugs and needed to be out under the sun all the time. But when my son moved into Gemini, I became bookish. And I never stopped having that basic taurean quality. If I don't get outside every day, I start to get a little bit crazy. But I became a person who became identified by my interest in the written word and my interest in communication. I started to write, even when I wasn't assigned to write in school.

How to Make Progressions Less Intimidating

And they can be intimidating, because they're difficult to calculate, but you can find free software that will calculate your progressions for you. I like astro-seek.com, and also astro.com for calculating progressions, or you can use an ephemeris. You can mark out the first 90 days of your life. I have an Ephemeris where I have numbers next to each day for the first 90 days of my life to tell me how old I will be when I experience the day of those transits as progressions.

But I don't think that progressions need to be scary. Honestly, I like them because I like the ability to see the root prediction, the seed of the personality in the natal chart, the thing that becomes our basic imprinting, but I also like progressions because they allow you to grow beyond the acorn, to see how a person--assuming they are allowed to live long enough--is able to grow into that oak tree. You can look at the progressions for somebody who is 85 or 90 or 95 years old, and you can see the beautiful state of their soul when they have grown to their full height and their full power.

And I think that that is an absolutely beautiful thing.

[adventuresofdragos]

Week 2

Second week into the project and we begin looking for reference ideas and narrative work. We looked into different artists like David Hockney and his Joinery work.

This helped us gain a better understanding of how many different perspectives there can be of one common scene. We realized that even though the bigger picture is made of many cut up smaller pictures, it doesn't look out of place or as if something is missing. It still has a sense of direction and narrative storytelling. Once we were finished with that, we immediately started looking deeper into narrative. Learning about the Three Act Structure, involving a beginning, middle and end. The setup, the climax and the resolution. A task as simple as researching another artist led us further and taught us about the basics of narration, storytelling and composition. Naturally, we had to put our newfound knowledge to good use, so our next task appeared. 'Create a David Hockney inspired collage of images.' So we got into groups of 3 or 4's and we came up with a plan. What are we going to do, where are we going to do it and how are we going to do it. We had to keep in mind that we needed to portray that initial feeling of a setup, followed by a climax in the story and finally coming to an end. Coming up with a plan was simple enough, we decided we wanted to show the story of a student realizing they are running late and taking us through her rush to class, and the difficulties that occurred along the way.

In this same week, we went back into Maya and continued learning, only this time it was more advanced.

Getting through that Maya session was quick, so we still had time we had to put to use. So we did this by researching artists such as George O’Keeffe, Matt Wilkins and Johan Lagesson in preparation for our next big task... making a 3D model of one of the Sea of Thieves assets in their aesthetic. A pretty daunting task and so early into the project some would say. However, this was nothing but absolute music to my ears. I was ecstatic about the idea of making an asset from one of my all time favorite games! I immediately knew what I wanted to make, a cannon. But that seemed like quite a challenge to take on so soon, so I decided on trying to make a barrel. I got straight into researching and putting together a reference board on Pureref. Along side the Pureref, we did some collaboration as a class and came up with some ideas of what we think the Sea of Thieves aesthetic is and how we can replicate it.

We got straight to work as soon as we were satisfied with the amount of research we had conducted. I made the barrel I had in mind very quickly, but I switched ideas even quicker. When the realization that making a barrel was too easy for how confident I am in Maya, I decided to go back to my original idea of making a cannon.

As we learnt this week, it's very important to show the journey of your work and how the beginning, middle and end turned out and what you learnt along the way.

This week brought along a lot of new and different information, all exciting and fun to learn about, as well as a lot more work. This meant that I would have to carry this project onto the coming week or two to ensure that I am satisfied with the final product and I enjoyed the journey along the way. This leaves us with week 2 completed and week 3 on the horizon, full of new and exciting things to do.

[mymemoirs]

A Modern Bard: What's Your Story?

I believe each and every one of us is a storyteller. It's just a matter of whether you're good at telling stories or not, but we all are at some point a modern bard, retelling our life stories to ourselves and others. It could be that some of us are good at retelling tragedies and hardships, while others are adept at finding meaning and hope in every story he/she tells.

As a fan of stories myself (people who knows me, knows I love stories even in games), I know firsthand how powerful stories are. Just a couple of words could evoke all kind of emotions and thoughts. Hell, it could even "moved" you, literally.

Despite knowing how powerful it is, it doesn't automatically made me a better storyteller, especially to myself. GI Joe Fallacy, just knowing is not enough to win the battle. The narratives you told yourself have the ability to empower yourself or even worse, shackle you in an imaginary cage of depressions.

Lately, I've caught myself reading or watching books that discussed about this (for anyone interested, it was a TED talk "The Secret to Mastering Life's Biggest Transitions" by Bruce Feiler and a book called "Unlimited Power" by Anthony Robbins). Even if we didn't realized it yet, somewhere in the background, we're writing a story we tell to ourselves and others. We just need to listen to it.

This statement tempted me to question, "What story have I been telling myself?" or "How have I painted myself these days?".

So, I tried to look at past conversations with friends and acquaintances, my writings, etc. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure on what kind of a storyteller I made myself to be. Maybe, I just don't want to admit what a horrible storyteller I turned out to be.

We all know, people who have a positive outlook in life often times have more things to be grateful for and are generally happier. As much as I wanted that for myself, I realized it's not enough to just "be positive" when I'm a natural pessimistic. It just felt delusional, as if you're lying to yourself.

However, it wasn't always like this. I wasn't always negative. In fact, I think I learnt to project hopeful outlook from the people around me. If those around me could achieve their desired life because they stay hopeful, then I need to slowly learn how to cast away bad thoughts and encourage those who's struggling as well.

These past months, I have this immense feeling that I'm stuck (I still do sometimes), that I will never go anywhere or my life will never amount to anything. But if I took the courage to step back and look at the big picture, in which it's an unfinished work of art, I'll learn that what I'm going through is preparing myself for what's ahead. I just need to believe that everything I've gone through will make sense to me one day.

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful" - Sigmund Freud

I wasn't ready yet to accept how big of an impact the narratives I told have on myself and on my future. To add it, no one is responsible for my life story except myself, whether it's my own family, my friends, my abuser or enemies. No one should be held liable on how my life story unfolds. I am the author of this life and I am the captain of this ship.

-Reina

[celest3al]

Theme Project 1 Proposal

My idea for this first theme project is a directorial photography project. I don’t have a title established yet for this project. However, the subject I do have established.

THE STORY:

The story centers around two characters: one male and one female. With the main story taking the perspective of the male character. They have been friends for a very long time, and we see this exhibited in the photos. Things like them hanging out, to even the male being dressed up in make up by the female. One day, the two of them are hanging out, when a notification comes up on the male characters phone. “Get the things needed, it’s almost time…” The male lets their friend know what they have to do, and says goodbye to her. We see him at a store, grabbing these so-called “supplies”. He purchases his goods, and starts to head to his car. However, something suddenly causes these plans of his to not go the way he wanted.

This being that he is hit by a car. He quickly tries to turn and see the car, but it’s too late. He is launched many feet away from the car that has suddenly come to a stop. His final view looks at the car which is hard to get the details of with the bright headlights. Some may recognize it from earlier and theorize who it may be, and this theory is confirmed when the driver side door opens. We see the female character, coming out in a panic. Worried about their dear friend and if they are okay. We see the horrifying look on her face as our vision begins to get blurry. The female picks our head up, and above us is a light pole. The vision gets even more blurry and the light becomes brighter and brighter.

HOW I PLAN TO DO THIS:

When it comes to how I am going to tell this story in photographic form, I plan on having all the photos taken from an eye-level angle. So it gives off this feeling of the viewer in the male character's point of view. One of the shots that may have some challenge behind it is a shot involving a mirror. Where the main character is looking at himself with this make-up on. How I plan to do this shot is having one shot taken from the view of the character, and having another shot taken from the mirror, so I can mimic the effect of a mirror by using photoshop.

When it comes to the actors, I plan to have myself and one of my friends act as the characters in this story. I have already asked about their involvement in this project and even asked about her interest in dressing me in make-up.

The final shots of the story are going to be illustrated similar to an animation. Where when the main character realizes he is about to be hit. A slow frame rate animation is formed with the pictures. Showing him being hit, Female character coming out, and the final consolation of the character all take up those last photographs and brings the story to an end.

WHAT I WANT TO LEARN:

This will be one of the first times that I start to do storytelling in any form. I have had stories in the back of my mind. However, fully putting them out there hasn’t been something I’ve done before. So I think taking this project as a means to learn more about storytelling is something that I want to gain from this project.

WHAT I WANT AUDIENCE TO LEARN:

I feel like one of the main things I want people to learn from this story is to appreciate moments of time that you spend with friends, family, and others more. Sure, this story does end in a very sad way, but I think the male character has this feeling of satisfaction behind those final moments. Even if he wasn’t hit, his time was about to end soon anyway. Some may think that what the female character did was an act of betrayal of trust or that friendship, but how would that be if neither of them knew this would happen?

[jackazim]

WEEK 18 (10 - 14 MAY) (W18) 10/5/23 Handle police cadets independently

(W18) 11/5/23 Drawing and painting language lab

Another most adventurous week of my journey as a teacher was leading the co-curriculum activities independently. In order to be great at coaching and guiding the cadets, I had to flash backs on how things were when I was doing my co-curriculum activities at school. Surprisingly, some of the things taught were still the same as it was in my school back then. I conducted sharing session as well as march pass for the students. Other than that, me and my internship partners painted the walls of the Language Lab and I am so grateful everything turned out amazing.

Preparation: I had prepared myself with Youtube knowledge on survival day at an island, forest and other remote areas. I prepared some of the most interesting survival movies in storytelling my students to get their attention on being a great survivor at any places and as a great cadet with safety as top priority. I continued things with the march pass within my prior knowledge.

Challenges & Solution: Some of the challenges that I encounter are that I do lack of practical knowledge on how to light up fire using raw materials in a faster pace and being innovative with sticks and dried leaves. However, I studied through and managed to be successful with the help of other teachers' guidance.

Swot analysis: Strength: Able to discover the right knowledge to deliver and to attract students' attention. Able to grab students' interest in being a good survivor. Weakness: Need to improve practical skills on survival activities. Opportunity: Able to identify students’ preference and improve learning approach. Able to discover new things while being in the camp. Threat: No threats.

[amoveablejake]

Another State Of The Union

Order, I don’t think so. 

Now that it is the first weekend of October we are firmly into autumn and due to this you may be thinking that I’m about to embark on a piece that centres around what is probably my favourite season and what I’m looking forward to about it this time around. Well, this particular Sunday that isn’t going to happen. It might do next week or a little further down the but today it felt more like a state of the union sort of day and what I mean by that is that it felt like it was time for me to rattle off and to talk a little about some of the things that I’m enjoying and engaging with at the moment. First up on this list then should be the Green Bay Packers, in part because its football Sunday but also because in a weeks time something rather special is happening. This season, despite that first week loss, is feeling quite good for the Packers having beaten the Chicago Bears and Brady’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers over the last two weeks and a game against the New England Patriots tonight that we should win. But other than this winning momentum (please don’t let this be a jinx) this season feels a bit more special, at least for me, because I am actually going to get the chance to watch my team play in London next Sunday. I’ve had my ticket for a while now but it still doesn’t feel quite real that I’ll be seeing Rodgers and the gang in person and the fact that I’m seeing them play on my little island, well, this isn’t something that happens very often. Is this going to be the year that we make it to the Super Bowl? I can’t say, because everytime I make a prediction like that, well, we know what happens. 

At the moment it seems to be a bit of a television focused time with shows like ‘House of The Dragon’, ‘She-Hulk’ being on aswell as two of my favourites ‘My Hero Academia’ and ‘Spy-Family’ returning this weekend however, there is one that is rising above the rest for me and that is ‘Andor’. When ‘Rogue One’ came out or rather when it was announced I and a lot of other ‘Star Wars’ fans spent a lot of time wondering how they were going to make a film about a five second reference in ‘A New Hope’. I was skeptical. That skepticism though was completely abanonded though when I did see ‘Rogue One’ in a very charming Danish cinema (context is everything) as it turned out to not only be a well formed and thought out film but one of the best ‘Star Wars’ films around. Despite this, I didn’t learn and when I heard that a series was coming based on one of the main characters in ‘Rogue One’ I wasn’t sure. The initial trailer helped to subside those worries and then when the first three episodes were released all at the same time, well, worries, what worries. ‘Andor’ is only four episodes in to a twelve episode run but already it is one of the strongest pieces of ‘Star Wars’ storytelling for me. It is ground level, my favourite part of the universe, and at the same time is building to a bigger story that I’m sure will weave into the wider universe. It contains a rich set of characters and its titular character is shaping up to be one of my favourites. It is one of those television series that completely transports you and each episode feels like it goes on for quite a while and and at the same time no time at all. Eight more episodes, I’m not sure if thats going to be enough. 

The past few weeks have not been the easiest time and I don’t think that they will be the easiest for a little while yet. Now, I have mentioned this next thing already in my album of the week pieces over the last couple of weeks and the key songs of the month feature from last week but I would remiss if I didn’t mention it again now as if this is a piece about what I’m currently engaging with then ofcourse it needs to feature. I am ofcourse talking about the Vapourwave genre. I know, I know, I go on and on about it but thats for good reason. It is a genre that feels new and nostalgic all at the same time. A genre that you can escape into and to also help you to feel grounded with how it can calm you. Or for me at least thats what it is. Throughout my days I am turning to my Bandcamp library and my cassette tapes to continue my deep dive into this ever growing genre and it is delivering hit after hit into my headphones. Sometimes, you just need to return to your comfort zone again and again and for me this is that. My favourite things are often those that I go to instinctively and that require little thought to suddenly be engaging with. It feels like at the moment there is always a Vapourwave record at the tips of my fingers ready to go and that, I can go for that. 

-Jake, a man who has brought back the world’s smallest pumpkin, 02/10/2022

[kitawolf12]

OK, so my long-standing kind of self-insert dnd character got killed last night in a way that every other player felt was cheap and unwarranted. The DM had an opportunity to fudge/lie about a roll and instead used a Disintegration ray on me when we weren't even high enough level to be fighting a beholder (in multiple player's opinions).

[As a note, we do 1 weekly session with rotating DMs. This week, the DM had written a session where the group fights a beholder. we attempted to convince the questgiver to not have us do it, because IT'S A BEHOLDER, but that just wasted time because that was the quest that week regardless of what we thought we could handle. This specific DM hasn't actually played or DMed with the group much due to work, but had extra time and wanted to run this session in particular.]

I now am having to decide whether her soul is willing to come back because at least 4 characters are willing to give however much is needed of their money for a True Resurrection.

I have a lot of thoughts and emotions but the two main ones right now are 1) dnd is a collaborative storytelling game and being listened to by your DM is key to everyone having a good time. I had specifically told this DM earlier that week when he was talking about how hard/risky the session was going to be that I *do not like* high-stakes dnd and that combat-heavy sessions where everyone is on their last legs isn't fun to me. And then during the combat I did like two things, was paralyzed for 3 rounds, had one round where I tried to move, and then was killed before my next turn. Me, the highest level character in the group. :)

and 2) if you write into a character's backstory that they want to learn and use magic to resurrect someone but then you're the only one to balk when given the opportunity to pay someone to resurrect a friend/party member because "if it's that easy, why wasn't my character just hoarding gold the whole time," that's, uh, not my problem. The world exists and those spells are part of it, and NPCs are allowed to work for pay. You are the one who controls how your character reacts to the lore. If you want to use this to change your character into being a penny pincher, power to you.

[x-rds]

hi! i hope this doesn't come across as weird so feel free not to answer if it's too intrusive, but i am curious: how did lio and josh decide to get married? and did y'all have a wedding in headspace?

[Lio] Hi Anon! No worries, it’s not weird at all.

Honestly, for us it was a bit unusual/convoluted, and requires a bit of backstory:

Josh and I are the oldest members of the system in terms of ‘length of time existing in the system’; although technically we weren’t the first, but those who came before either went dormant for 10 years or otherwise aren’t around anymore. So while everyone else in the system showed up after we had learned what a system was, the two of us did not have that language or understanding for a long time, and we had to navigate our relationship and experiences with other terms and ways of understanding.

The thing was, the ‘me’ that exists now ended up forming out of an OC that my sibling (who I was a very vague facet of) made to explore our gender, and as many teenagers learning about themselves through fiction who had active imaginations did, made that OC a self-insert into the world Josh is from. And we related to him a lot, he was our favorite character, so again we did what teenagers learning about themselves through fiction do and occupied ourselves with envisioning Josh and said OC in a relationship.

However, once my sibling went dormant, I split off and formed as a fictive of this OC and Josh followed (actually he might have come first? We aren’t fully sure because the time period is difficult to remember in detail). It was a bit disorienting - I was at the time really freaked out about suddenly feeling like a completely different person, and he was kind of upset and confused about existing.

Without understanding any of what was happening, it seemed to me that I’d just been through something traumatic and maybe needed to hash out my feelings through fiction, and that turned into a lot of Josh and I talking to each other internally and continuing off from the story we’d made for the OC that I formed from. To me at the time, I assumed I was just really really good at imagining things to the point that it didn’t even feel like I was doing it, and he didn’t understand it at all so he just assumed the same.

In essence, for a few years our relationship was one of two people in a situation they didn’t understand but who relied on, cared for, and helped each other. So we didn’t so much decide to get married in the way most people do so as much as we invented us being married as a ‘story beat’, the logical conclusion of what we already had going on, and we started thinking of each other that way.

When we eventually learned about plurality, there was a moment when we looked at each other and we were like “oh shit, both of us really are real people..? oh shit, we’re married.....? should we... not be?” but we came to the conclusion that - why not? Just because we’d been interacting until then in a sort of shared storytelling setting, the emotions and interactions were plenty real, and even if we decided to ‘start over’ we’d end up in the same place.

But that means we didn’t have any real in-headspace wedding or anything like that. We sometimes get memories about it of things from the story we’d made; so probably we did at some point have something like an in-headspace wedding, we just didn’t understand what that was at the time and we don’t have very clear memories of that time period. We’re kind of like two amnesiacs who woke up somewhere one day and looked at each other and were like, so this is awkward, but are we together? Yes? Alright, well, we don’t remember exactly how, but we like each other anyways so it doesn’t matter too much.

We’ve considered having a sort of ‘vow renewal’ now that we understand things better, have more people inworld who could show up, and so on. But Josh really dislikes attention if he isn’t in control the situation to some degree and especially if his emotional vulnerability is on display, and as much as I’m very happy to be married to him I’m a level of aromantic where the idea of planning and performing a wedding makes me feel gross, so... it would be a lot of both of us being uncomfortable for the sake of proclaiming that we like each other enough to be married, when everyone already knows I guess? We aren’t very subtle about it haha.

However - there are some others in our system who are together. Andy and Kravitz for example have a lot more ‘normal’ of a relationship, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they have a normal wedding at some point. If that ever happens and they’re alright with me sharing, I’ll let you know how it goes!

[ohnominamino]

An Essay on Love in Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time

Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a movie about love in all its forms. From the love of family, friends, and neighbors, to the compassion we feel for people we have never met. The movie reminds us that love is something we continuously gain, lose, and choose, again and again. Which love is greatest? In my opinion, the answer to that question is left up to interpretation. In this essay, I will give my own personal interpretation on certain character interactions and what I believe we are meant to take away from their Rebuild portrayals. 

The character I will start with is one I’ve noticed the most outrage over from people who haven’t seen the movie and read out-of-context spoilers: Kaworu Nagisa. 

Kaworu is a beloved character among many Evangelion fans, especially those who are members of the LGBT+ community. He is a canonical love interest of Shinji Ikari and I want to reassure people that this final movie does not change that fact. However, it does not make the couple blatantly endgame either. This skirting around the couple might make some fans upset, and while their feelings are completely valid, I do not think they fully understand the difficulties faced by LGBT+ people in Japan, nor do they understand the way that romance is typically conveyed in Japanese storytelling. (I recommend watching “Is ‘Yuri On Ice’ Good Gay Representation?” by James Somerton for more about storytelling nuances.) 

What have we been shown about Shinji and Kaworu’s love? The good news is, anything you read into the original TV series and End of Evangelion is completely true for the Rebuilds— because Kaworu is the same Kaworu. This movie proves Evangelion is a single universe set on repeat, and that Kaworu and Shinji meet each other every loop, and in each, Kaworu is trying to make Shinji happy. Within the final movie, Shinji becomes aware of the loops and chooses to break the cycle and free Kaworu from his pain. 

What does the relationship between Shinji and Kaworu teach us? I believe the purpose of their love is to show the audience that first, in the words of Kaji, “love has no gender.” Second, I believe Kaworu’s love in particular is a warning about basing your own happiness solely upon another person. There are parallels drawn between Gendo/Yui and Kaworu/Shinji. Gendo could not exist without Yui, and so he was willing to destroy the world to be reunited with her. For Kaworu, it was not the destruction of humanity, but the destruction of himself that defined his tragedy. What’s important within the final movie, in my opinion, is that Shinji does not reject Kaworu’s love. With the insight he’s gained from remembering past loops, he sees Kaworu’s love and appreciates him, but he also sees his suffering and wants to ease it. He helps Kaworu into a new world where he can seek his own happiness and find balance in his life (something his father did not have). 

While Kaworu and Shinji are not seen as an explicit couple at the end of the movie, it’s significant to note that, when he sets Kaworu free, Shinji holds out his hand to Kaworu as a promise to stay together. Over the course of the movie, Shinji comes to accept his connection to others through accepting touch (in the form of hand holding and hugs from Rei, Misato, and Gendo); however, Kaworu is the only character in the movie who Shinji initiates physical contact with and that speaks to how much Kaworu means to him. This simple gesture, in my opinion, keeps the door open for Kaworu and Shinji to be a couple one day, after Kaworu has found more balance in his life. 

If I were to write an entire essay about Kaworu, it would be titled, “Out of the Coffin: How the Resurrection of Kaworu Nagisa Buries the Tragic Lovers Trope” because this movie truly does just that. 

Another potential love interest for Shinji for many years was Asuka; however, unlike with Kaworu, the nature of this relationship is not left up to interpretation by the end of the movie. Before her big final battle, Asuka tells Shinji, “I think I loved you back then” (regarding their time in middle school) and Shinji, during Instrumentality, tells Asuka, “Thank you for saying you loved me. I loved you too.” It is past tense. 

What does this relationship teach us? It’s a beautiful way of showing that we can love people, and grow and learn, and let go when we no longer fit each other. Letting go is an integral part of life. Whereas other Instrumentality scenes involve touch, Asuka’s, mirroring the ending of End of Evangelion, has a distinct lack of touch. Shinji sits with his arms around his knees and Asuka turns her body away from him. He gives her his thanks and he sends her off to find her peace. Asuka and Shinji teach us that it’s okay to grow out of relationships. You can appreciate what they were to you at the time they happened and move on. 

What about Rei? To be honest with you, this movie is less about Rei’s relationship with Shinji, and more about her relationship with the world. Rei teaches movie viewers about the simple pleasures of living. While Shinji is in mourning for the first quarter of the movie, Rei (as “Sokkuri”) is learning about crop growing and community, the wonder of babies and kittens, the joy of the bath after a long day of fruitful work, and the power of words and picture books. At the end of her life, she only regrets not having more time to spend with the people she loves. In Instrumentality, Shinji accepts her hand when it is offered to him, which I hope signifies he is ready to see life as she had come to during the final movie. 

Rei teaches us that we can love living and to not take our limited time for granted. 

Next, we move on to parent figures: Gendo and Misato. I think they both represent people ill suited to the role, who do the best they can despite it. Gendo, as mentioned for Kaworu above, is a warning about defining yourself by your relationship to another person (Ikari, afterall, is Yui’s name). He is also a lesson in how people mourn and how they can lash out. Misato, like Gendo, felt herself a poor parent, and while mourning the loss of Kaji, she gave up her child to be raised by other people, but, unlike Gendo, went forward to put all her energy into protecting humanity. Both of them reach out to hug Shinji within the movie and he accepts them where they are. 

While I wouldn’t say the movie shows that Shinji forgives Gendo, it does show his making an effort to understand and make peace with what others have done. For Misato, it is fair to say we can still hope for a better future, even when it feels like everything is crumbling around us. Her self-sacrificing love for her son and the whole of humanity is what enables Shinji to then save the people he loves (via the spear of Gaius). 

In the movie, we are also shown friendship. Touji, Hikari, and Kensuke are important members of their community who maintain open communication with those around them and respect others’ boundaries. They are patient and kind and represent the importance of being present. They teach us to meet people where they are and support them how we can, whether it’s giving them a warm meal or giving them space when they need it. 

There are many more characters that could be talked about, but today I am going to end on Mari. Mari’s love is physical. She enjoys being in people’s personal bubbles. She cuddles Asuka and helps trim her hair, she gets into Gendo’s space at college, and at the end of the movie, she reaches out her hand to Shinji to help him stand up from his seat. Upon first glance, some viewers might take Mari and Shinji’s final scene to be romantic, but the reality of it is this: We do not, and cannot, know what kind of love she is meant to represent in his life.

We do not know Mari’s relationship with Shinji because they hardly interact in the movie. She clearly cares about him, but in my opinion, it comes from a place of duty and compassion— Mari was friends with Gendo and Yui. She has been there since he was born. (If we take the manga to be canon, then Mari even had romantic feelings towards his mother. Her hairstyle and glasses are from Yui. At the end of the movie, Mari has changed her hairstyle, which to me implies she has moved on, and “getting” with Shinji would be a thematic break.)

Additionally, their conversation, while flirty, is very much one that implies they haven’t seen each other for a while. Mari is someone who is very physically affectionate. With everyone. If someone ignores that and focuses on the fact she gets into Shinji’s space and claims that’s romantic, they better acknowledge it’s possibly romantic with Asuka, who we see far more intimacy with. When Mari flirts, Shinji flirts back and her initial reaction is surprise, “Wow, you’ve learned to talk back!” Her purpose is clear. She is there to remove the DSS choker from his neck. 

Personally, I love that Mari is the one to close the movie, for the exact reason that we do not know her relationship with Shinji. For Mari to have an assigned role would be to say, “This kind of love is most important,” when the entire movie was spent showing us each love is of equal importance in the balance and building of our lives. (It’s wonderful to see those types of love embodied across the platform from Shinji at the end of the movie: Rei and Kaworu, who, just like in End of Evangelion, could signify the ability to connect with others and be loved.)

If you view Mari as a romantic love interest, then I think it speaks to the value that you as an individual give to romance rather than what the characters themselves are feeling. To me, Mari, the character who was created to “destroy Eva,” is a symbol of all love. When Shinji takes her offered hand and then pulls her to run into the new world, it’s a symbol of balance. The give and take of any kind of relationship. 

We are the product of every relationship we have ever had, from our parents to the people we once loved, from our friendships to any other person we want to stay connected to. Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a story about these relationships. It is a story about love. 

[nishigo]

an anomaly. // bennett x reader.

a page from the book of memories.

[ p a g e 3 2 9 ｡ ]

authors note: hello! this is my first ever attempt at something for genshin impact. this is longer than i expected, and there may be errors here and there, so i am sorry about that in advance. i do hope you will enjoy it though. i got bennett yesterday after rolling and although many say he’s annoying...he’s very much like me in real life. coincidence? i think not. Σ('◉⌓◉’) i also rolled a girl named keqing. she seems nice, and is a five star, but i don’t know if she’s rare. i truly don’t know how this system works, apologies. T^T anyways, traveler, happy reading. (*'▽'*)

word count : 2191

tw : none that i can think of. very much fluff. and perhaps a touch of a flirty!reader. :)

request status at time of posting : open.

in which he had finally someone who could balance out his unluckiness.

would you like to read?

＞　行｡ ( y e s )

＞　不行 。( n o )

———

Bennett was, to put it simply, confused.

He had just finished a mission with you, being your support the whole entire way through. There had been an offering that had been posted on the tavern’s walls in dark, smudged text that caught his eye at an earlier time. It read that whoever could get rid of the new pop-up hilichurl camp that blocked the path to Liyue would receive a grand sum of Mora. Course, running low on money, Bennett had decided to take up the offer. They would be easy enough to take down, just a simple slash of his sword and a few burns here and there could get the job done in no time. However, there was a problem.

No one would come with him.

Bennett knew that he was very...loud. And he was energetic. And annoying. And, though he hated to admit it...he was unlucky.

Everything seemed stacked up against him. Everyone he turned to in the tavern took a simple glance at him and rejected the offer with no further questions asked. He would try to convince them, but they would simply get more annoyed at his stubbornness and shoo him away with a flick of a hand or some splash of beer to the face. It’s not like he could take the older adventurers out either, they could barely walk on their own two feet. They were so old that they certainly would have shriveled up in the sun if he brought them along. So there that option went, leaving him with practically nothing else to turn to.

But then, if he had no one to go with him, what would happen? Would he continue to be stuck in that tavern? No, he wouldn’t allow himself to waste away like that. He was meant to be out there, in a world that could supply him with the thrill and rush that his heart yearned for. The boy desired to be just as great of an adventurer as the ones who came before him, or perhaps, dare he dream, even greater than them. Bennett desired to be a legend. But being a legend could not be done alone, even if that was what Bennett determined he would forever be, deep in the back of his brain.

Which is why you were such an anomaly.

You were the last person he spoke to that night. He was a complete mess. His shirt was damp with beer and some white wine, his white locks were a birds nest with the goggles sliding off slowly, and his eyes looked devoid of life as he took a deep inhale and they brightened up again. This was his last chance. You were the one who was either going to make or break this plan.

“Hello stranger! I am the great Bennett, and I was wondering if you would be able to help assist me with a mission that was posted on the tavern walls. It’s about the hilichurl camp by Liyue! Although I am rather strong, I need some help so it’s done more efficiently and faster. I’m even willing to split the Mora with you that we make out of it! What do you say?” Bennett recited his lines again, as if he was in an interview of sorts. His leafy green eyes watched as you scrunched up your eyebrows, as if thinking and examining him. Your face was blank other than that, lips in a straight line and hand cupping your cheek. Bennett found it to be quite terrifying. It was such an intimidating look, in fact, that he was about to ask you to forget about it before you spoke first.

“Sure.” You stated simply, a smile forming on your face as you crossed your arms.

“Ahhh, understood, I’ll get goi- WAIT!” The pyro boy turned to look right at you as he gasped. His face was one of shock morphed with a cute, ecstatic look. One could compare it to a puppy of sorts. You were not meant to say yes. You were meant to be like everyone else and reject him. He was dumbfounded as he grabbed a hold of your shoulders and tilted his head.

“You’re not joking?!”

“Course not! Why would I do such a thing?” You rebuked before he giddily jumped up and down while pulling you up to a sweet hug. It was a gentle and firm one, though, he pulled away quickly after realizing he still wreaked of alcohol. You told him you didn’t mind it though, making him rub the back of his head sheepishly and laugh. You two would converse for the night, agreeing to meet up at the gate the next morning so he could lead the way to the camp and also split the mora gained evenly. After the small chat, you would leave the tavern to stay at the local inn for the night and get some rest. Bennett’s eyes were trained on you as the door then closed, realization hitting him like a truck: he found someone. He found a real person to take on a mission. Better yet, they were as gorgeous as they were strong. This was better than any dream he could have made up. Bennett decided he had to turn in for the night soon after you left, taking a spot in his cozy bed under the sheets. His eyes closed as the curtains rustled at the soft wind that blew through the window. The pyro’s last thought before going to bed was that he truly hoped that you would fulfill your end of the deal and show up.

And you kept your promise. You were there as the morning sun rose to reflect your beautiful skin, hair flowing gently in the light breeze as he ran up to you and froze. You looked powerful now that you were out of the tavern and he could see you properly. You had on your adventure gear, dressed appropriately for a mission that required taking out many enemies. What caught his attention, though, was your white cape with golden accents that flowed from behind. Flicking your hood down and off your head, your face was now fully visible as you watched him stare. He was adorable, like a little baby who was just discovering the world for the first time.

“You’re really gonna do this with me?” Bennett asked in wonder. His face was blank as a smirk landed itself on your features. You positioned yourself to stand upright, away from the wall you were leaning on as you held your weapon of choice in your dominant hand. As for the other, you outstretched it towards him with a grin.

“Lead the way.”

Bennett didn’t even have to think twice about it as he eagerly took your hand into his own gloved one and began to lead you out of the city and into the wilderness. He seemed to be very hyper from what you could tell, as he couldn’t seem to stop commenting on how he was destined for greatness, or how thankful he was that you were going to come along with him. He also bombarded you with questions about yourself as well, like if this was your first time in Mondstadt or what kind of element you had control over. He was easily excited, but especially when you told him that you were a traveler that had been moving around place to place to see the sights of the world. It was why you were so strong, you had defeated a wide range of enemies, great and small, on your journeys. Bennett was fascinated by that, drawing him to be more and more curious about you. Alas, the questions and storytelling had to wait. You two had arrived at the camp, and it was time to take some enemies down.

You two ended up making a fantastic duo of sorts. With his sword and experience, he was able to cut down enemies with ease. You did the same, your speed and agility outmatched as you two basically made a massacre out of the camp. His fire would spread through the long grass, and with the natural wind, spread quickly to begin burning it all down. You were quick to come to his aid when he would sometimes get backed against the rocks or a tree, helping him heal with some quick magic you had learned. It wasn’t anything special, but it was enough to keep him up and moving. With such precision and perseverance, your duo was able to defeat the camp with relative ease. However, both you and Bennett were still tired from fighting for so long. You two were out of breath as the fire died out, heaving for air as you gave him a head pat and grinned.

“You did amazing out there. You’re a talented pyro user as well, I’m impressed.” There you went again, making him all confused as he sat there. You just complimented him. A powerful traveler, that has practically defeated every sort of monster there is out there, was impressed by him. Bennett, the unlucky, was impressive? For the first time, he was rendered speechless as he looked at you. It was now night, the moon high in the sky as it illuminated your face. Oh goodness, you looked ethereal. The way the stars were reflected in your eyes, the way the gold of your cape sparkled and flowed behind you, the way you smiled at him, like he was the most handsome boy you had ever seen. The only thing that stopped the comfortable silence between you two was the fact that he shivered when a breeze brushed against his pale, scar littered skin. You snapped out of it and looked him up and down, noticing how a lot of his skin was exposed to the chilly night.

“Here, take this.” You told him as you unbuttoned your cape, taking it off your shoulders. With one swoop, you draped it over his own figure, being as gentle as possible as you buttoned it up again. Bennett was reduced to continuing to stay silent as you clothed him. You placed the hood up on top of his head, a hand on your hip as you grinned at him. It was a bit big on him but nonetheless, it was rather cute. You used your other hand to take his chin gently, making him look you in the eyes. He was rather happy that the hood cast a bit of a shadow, because his cheeks were flushed a hot pink as he was forced to look at you.

“Huh. Looks better on you than it does me.” You commented before he seemed to regain his ability to speak.

“You need this more than me! I-i’m literally a pyro user, I c-can heat myself-” You hushed him, letting go of his chin as you put a finger to his peach pink lips.

“Doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t waste your energy to heat up, especially since we have to walk back to town. I’ll be fine, I’ve been through worse weather situations.” He glanced down at your finger, and then back to you as you dropped your hand and began walking down the path again, back towards the city. Why did you have to be so, so...enchanting? And you were so smooth as well! He had never been so flustered when talking to someone, heck, he was the one who was meant to be doing most of the talking! Though, he supposed that him being talkative didn’t equate to being able to flirt. But something about the thought of you leaving made him pout. It was as if the butterflies were leaving his stomach, but they left him emptier than before.

Bennett refused to be lonely anymore. Not when he had you.

“Hey, darling!~ Would you stop standing there and staring off into space? I know I look wonderful tonight, but we gotta get a move on! We won’t be able to get to town and rest our weary bones if you keep this up!~” You called out to him, making him shake his head and refocus. Right, a bed. Sleep did sound rather good right now, along with a shower and something to quench his thirst. He ran and caught up to you, walking by your side as he grinned. He began to already ask about other missions that the two of you could do together, like gathering supplies for the alchemist or helping around the town for some spare Mora here and there. Bennett then stopped for a moment again, looking at you.

“Would you like to work together again?” There was a moment of silence before you nodded.

“I think I would. We make a great team.” Bennett then continued walking with you, as if time didn’t just stop for a second as he went back to his usual, bubbly nature. The more he thought about it, the happier it made him. More adventures to be made. More memories to be created. All with you at his side the entire time.

And you would make all the difference.

[mxpseudonym]

Pairing: Tommy x Fem!Reader

Summary: Polly Shelby wants you, a shy, single, slightly anxious churchgoer, to meet her nephew, the dangerous gangster Tommy Shelby. He’s more than gentlemanly at first glance, which only adds to his attractive charm. After weeks of being on edge and going no farther than heavy petting, you finally decide to push for having Tommy devour you. However, entering the bedroom with Tommy Shelby means you’ll have to follow his saucy rules. Agreeing requires a verbal, enthusiastic, “Yes, Sir” and leaving your shame at the door.

Length: 2738 words (allegedly)

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, lite Dom/sub, Consensual as all hell

A/N: Sorry I’m late, but honestly that’s very me so. Anyway, hope you’re ready because I am y/n, you are y/n, we are all y/n this time round. 😏

"Need some help?"

You looked up from where you were kneeling on the floor to see none other than Polly Shelby. You'd pulled your rosary too tight again, and the thread snapped from the tension. Now, before you could stop her, Polly was kneeling and helping you pick them up. 

Polly was always kind to you. When needed, she shared her hymn book and complimented your church hats that matched your dresses particularly well. Even though you never had much to say, she was always casually chatting with you. 

"You're not seeing anyone, are you?" Polly asked, catching you off guard. Was this why she was so lovely? Two women in an empty church, and one of them confesses to the other. What would God say?

"I'm not."

"You should meet my nephew, Thomas. I think you'd make quite the pair." 

You smiled at the invitation. It wasn't out of flattery, per se, but more because you knew it must have been difficult for Polly to be an aunt taking on her duty as a familial matchmaker when her nephews ran the most dangerous gang in Small Health. Polly didn't seem like the type to let anything happen to you if things didn't work out on a simple date, and you felt indebted to her for being such a good friend to you. So you nodded. 

"Well, if he asked me to dinner, I'm sure I wouldn't say no." 

You didn't think much of it, quite frankly. In the year that you'd been in Small Heath, you'd turned down enough dinner invitations to be thought of as a godly woman and a prude. Not that you minded. You were single and childless in the newly bustling city of Birmingham, and living alone for the first time in your life was a luxury you didn't want to give up. You had your mother's pistol tucked in your bag and a vague idea of how to shoot it, so you were safe enough, but the added rumor that you were unapproachable was helpful.

If anything, what surprised you most was Thomas Shelby actually showing up to church that Sunday. Even leaning against the stone wall outside with a cigarette in hand was enough to cause a stir as the congregation poured out of the church. 

He was a handsome man, and his cool, certain eyes seemed to see right through you. Even with your heart thumping in your chest, gravitating towards him was only natural. He was waiting for you, after all. 

"Y/n L/n?" He asked, his voice deep and telling of his : upbringing. It fit him well, you thought as you looked at him from under your sun hat. 

"Mr. Shelby," you said with a nod. 

"My aunt seemingly won't rest until I ask you to dinner," he said, dipping a hand into his pocket to reach for more cigarettes. 

"Oh? Is this you doing it?" 

Tommy's head tilted at you as he took in your smile and looked you over. You were already a bit bold for someone who was meeting a hoodlum. A smirk crept onto his face. He wasn't complaining. 

"Ms. l/n, would you have dinner with me?" He asked. You paused, causing him to sigh and pull out his cigarettes. "My aunt promised I wouldn't get rejected by a beautiful woman if I got the courage to ask. Now I'm embarrassed."

"I'm sure you're not," you said, laughing to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. "But I will go to dinner with you, Mr. Shelby. I did promise Miss Shelby." Tommy looked you over again before nodding.

"I look forward to it."

                                              .:.

When Tuesday evening rolled around, Tommy was at your doorstep in a fine suit. If you had any doubt about your long, beaded dress being nice enough, Tommy pushed the thoughts away in an instant.

"You look stunning, Miss l/n," he praised you while holding out his arm. 

"Thank you, Tommy. You look very handsome tonight as well."

There was an air of authority about him, yet his gaze was soft when he met your eyes and smiled. The car ride was comfortable enough and did nothing to prepare you for the exquisite venue. The ceilings were high, and the decor was elegant. 

"It's my job to find a venue a quarter as lovely as the woman accompanying me, isn't it," Tommy said when you mentioned that it was possibly too fancy for you. 

"Oh please," you murmured, waving away the compliment. 

At some point throughout the night, you wondered if you'd been on a better date. Tommy took care of everything, from directing the butlers in their penguin suits to ordering things he seemed to know you'd like. ON your own, you'd have spent half an hour choosing a meal, and god only knew how long getting a server's attention. But tonight, you were left to focus on his witty storytelling that left you laughing behind your napkin. Tommy raised a hand and grasped yours. It was a small amount of contact but, perhaps the wine or the man himself made you want more of his warmth. All too soon, he gently pulled your hand down and into your lap.  

"Don't hide. I want to hear more from you," Tommy said. Your cheeks flashed hot as your mind took a naughty detour for a moment. 

"Okay, Tommy." 

It was after dinner that truly hooked you to the man. He wrapped you in his jacket before helping you into his car and driving you home. His hand rested on your knee on the way back. Yet, when he stood in front of your door, you were greeted with a hug. You didn't realize it until you leaned into his embrace that you were a bit anxious about a goodnight kiss or even Tommy pushing his way into your apartment. Gangster or not, he was a strong man with a domineering personality. He could have anything he wanted. You hadn't guessed that meant a simple hug and a request for a second date. Still, it left you smiling as you watched his car drive away from the entrance of your apartment. 

                                              .:.

"Ah, this is favorite."

"Really?"

"Winston Churchill himself recommended it."

You turned to Tommy with a skeptical eye. 

"Liar."

"How could I find the strength to lie to you, y/n?"

You rolled your eyes but turned back to the new gramophone in front of you. You had several dates with Tommy, and his gentlemanly behavior only continued. He never tried anything scandalous or forward, even as he managed to charm you to high heaven. There were times you wondered if, and perhaps even secretly hoped for, Tommy would move his hand up your thigh or kiss your neck. But it seemed that every date was an opportunity for him to learn more about you. He was more perceptive than you knew. He understood what you wanted and even made you feel like he could read your mind sometimes. 

You'd had partners before, even an adulterous ex-fiance, but with them, it felt like they were trying to learn your secrets to use against you. With Tommy, it seemed like he used that information to make you happy. Your eyes lit up when he brought you your favorite kind of pastry and a new scarf in your favorite color. 

His latest gift was the record player, and you shamelessly used the gift of music as an excuse to finally invite Tommy inside after a month of dating when it was clear he wouldn't do it himself. 

"You're quite the gentleman, Mr. Shelby," you mused as you slow danced in your living room. Tommy's hand flattened over your spine and pulled you closer. 

"I'd say you're bringing out the best in me yet, Ms. y/l/n."

He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently against yours. You moaned softly against his lips as your swaying left the rhythm of the song to match you and Tommy. There was a hunger in his kiss that made you wonder just how much he was holding back. He could have any woman he wanted, you thought, but he was patiently kissing you to your liking and no more. His hand moved to thumb the buttons on your dress, and you pulled away gently. A guiding hand on your lower back or a calloused hand helping you out of the Bentley made your heart flutter, yet you still hesitated to take things further. 

"Wait, Tommy."

"Hm?"

"Not yet," you said shyly, not able to look him in the eyes. Tommy smirked at you. Little did you know, this confirmed several things he knew about you.

"Good girl."

Your eyes shot up to his in shock. What was this? His choice of words, his praise, the feeling of your insides warming all filled you with a sense of wonder. There was something in his eyes that looked satisfied and almost like an invitation. Would you accept? Accept what exactly? 

Not knowing the question or your answer, you kissed him again. 

                                              .:.

Good girl. 

Those two words were planted in your mind like seeds meant to sprout a specific restlessness. 

You thought about it passively for a while. At first, you wondered if you should be upset. Was Tommy treating you like a child? But nothing he did ever made it feel that way. If anything, Tommy was the one person who treated you most like a woman. After a few weeks, you began to think of it too often. On your lunches with Tommy or when he took you to the horse races, you wondered if he'd repeat it. You were eager to hear him say it. 

When you thought about it alone in the bath, you realized you couldn't hold it together much longer. Your eyes fluttered closed as you remembered that night. But memories turned to fantasy, and you could feel his breath against your ear. 

"Good girl. You're a good girl, y/n."

Your hands moved before you could think much about it. It had been a while since you'd done this, sliding a delicate finger between your legs. 

"Good girl," you whispered, your voice echoing off the walls and sending the praise back to you. You swirled your clit and repeated it again. Thinking of all the ways Tommy had touched you, even innocently, remembering the feeling and that casual smirk he wore. "Tommy, fuck, yes, I'm a good girl- ah!"

Your thighs squeezed your hand as your hips jerked with a strong release. Your eyes opened, and you stared at the ceiling.

"This is getting ridiculous."

                                              .:.

Tommy was just a little too good at listening to you, you decided. Anything you told him not to do was met with praise, and he'd never do it again. You'd expected, based on past experiences with men, that Tommy would try to push you until you were just where he wanted you. Instead, you were the one spacing out during dinner while admiring how good he looked in his suit. Would you prefer it on or off if he were devouring you? 

Tommy asked if you felt alright, which made you ashamed to even think the way you were. When did you get so lewd? It was in your apartment that Tommy let you know he knew exactly what you were thinking. You sat next to him on your couch, handing him a nightcap of brandy. 

"Y/n, you know that I care about you, don't you?"

"Yes, of course." You nodded quickly. Was this actually the end of things? You hoped not.

"I care about you more than I thought I could. And one of those reasons is because you know what you want," said Tommy as he sat his glass down. 

Your brows furrowed at the words. You thought you were indecisive and unable to speak up. If only Tommy knew how you'd been suffering. He continued after reading the confusion on your face. 

"Whenever we come back here, you know how far you want to go, and you know when to make a man like me stop."

"Oh,"

"I won't push you, love. I'm as patient as ever, so if you want more or less, that's up to you. It's whatever you'd like."

Tommy leaned over and placed a hand on your knee reassuringly, though it only helped your heart beat harder. You shifted in your seat, uneasy with the amount of power you realized you had.

"I see." 

"If we do go further, I'd like to implement a few rules. How does that sound?" 

"Rules?" You tilted your head. You liked rules and systems. Even as a coat check girl, you were known for your orderly approach to things. 

"Yes, if you decide that's something you want to explore, we'll talk then. But no need to worry about it until you're ready."

"I actually wanted to talk to you about doing more," you said bashfully, though it was a lie. You'd planned to simply move Tommy's hand under your skirt and have him put you out of your misery.

"Come here, y/n."

Tommy brought you to sit on his lap. His hand caressed your thigh, and the other was around your waist. Your arms wrapped around him as your reveled in the feeling of safety.

"Alright, Mr. Shelby, what are they?" 

"I'm going to tell you them, and you need to remember the order, alright?" He asked, and you nodded, only to have him tsk you. "Ah, love, when I ask you a question, I want to hear your voice. I want to make sure you're sure. That's rule number one: everything we do requires a verbal agreement. Try it now." 

"Oh, then, yes. I'll remember the order, Tommy." 

"Good girl," he praised, making you smile softly. "Rule number two is that you can't cum until I tell you, alright sweetheart?" 

"Tommy!" You jolted in surprise. You didn't know what you thought he was going to say, but that was not it. He chuckled at your reaction and squeezed your waist. He would have stopped if you asked, but for now, he was well aware that you were already starting to squirm in his lap. His sweetheart liked being a little flustered, didn't you? 

"Rule number three is that I am in charge of your body. I have full access to it, and you, love," Tommy reached up and tilted your chin so he could give you a saccharine kiss, "you may not touch yourself unless I say." 

The mix of salacious words and tender caresses sent waves of desire straight to the apex of your thighs. Could Tommy tell that you'd been doing just that? 

"Rule four is that you have to tell me when you don't like something. You do that so well already, and I'm proud of you for that."

"T-thank you," you murmured. You couldn't help but bite your lip. Such simple words of praise were sending you into a mild frenzy. 

"When you want me to stop, just say 'no more, I'm satisfied.' Can you do that?" He asked you, and you nodded. This time, however, you quickly remembered what Tommy told you before. 

"Yes. No more. I'm satisfied," you repeated the phrase while wondering when you'd use it.

"You can say that for anything at all. If you're uncomfortable, or even just a little too tired."

"Okay."

You nodded in agreement, though you couldn't help be feel nervous. After weeks of nothing more than a mild groping hand, Tommy was proving to be this person? But maybe it was the way that you couldn't stop yourself from squirming, trying to press your legs together for some type of friction that made you equally excited. Tommy kissed you again and held your chin. 

"Sweetheart, I promise that I'll use these to make you feel really good. I hope you can trust me, and I trust you to use that voice of yours and tell me when you don't like something, yes?"

"Yes." 

"Do you agree then? Do those rules sound good to you?" He asked you directly.

"Yes," you nodded, then softly adjusted. Something in you made you want to add, "Yes, Sir." 

Tommy squeezed your thigh, and you looked to his eyes to see a burning fierceness in them. He really enjoyed that. It was nice knowing he wasn't embarrassing you. You were in this together.

"Good girl."