crediblesolutions777

[oppropro]

Chapter 2 of my fanfic

I am so happy to receive the positive feedback on my story inspired by @jttw-monkeybusiness. I had a hard time writing this chapter as it is from the perspective of different pilgrims. I want their thoughts to be believable and true to their nature, while also being true to @celestialkiri 's vision of these characters in her AU. I got a bit overly ambitious with this chapter and had to cut it short; the rest of the story will continue in a 3rd chapter. This has a better narrative flow.

So without further ado; I present chapter 2 of Monkey Business based on the creations of @jttw-monkeybusiness all credit goes to her.

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CHAPTER 2- Here's your sign

            Sun Wukong, King of Mount Huaguo, Great Sage equal to heaven, was losing his patience. His master, the monk Tripitaka once again avoided near death thanks to the valiant efforts of his disciple, Sun Wukong. The very same disciple he chose to ignore when he warned the monk of the dangers of the demon hoard that had laid a trap to kill and eat the monk. A trap so obvious even Pigsy should have seen coming. That is, if Pigsy could ever think with his brain and not his stomach.

            And what thanks does Wukong get for saving his master and his pig-headed brother? Another lecture on how violence does not solve every problem. Well, violence certainly solved that problem. Besides, if his master had simply listened to him in the first place, they could have easily avoided the demon’s trap and Wukong wouldn’t have to resort to violence.

            “Hardships we face on our pilgrimage are simply a test of faith, and it is through our faith that we will ultimately persevere.” Monk Tripitaka spoke in a slow and deliberate manner.

            “Well then start showing more faith in me!” Wukong replied.

            “This journey is not just about you.”

            “And yet it is I, once again, coming to everyone’s rescue.”

            “I appreciate that you were able to rescue us, but that does not change the fact that you do not get to dictate the path we must follow, or default to wanton violence as a solution to every obstacle.”

            “Those demons were going to eat you and the pig alive! They weren’t even coy about it! If everyone just listened to me, it wouldn’t have even been an obstacle.”

            “We cannot avoid every danger, or burden, or obstacle we face on our journey.” Tripitaka’s tone conveyed a clear message: this conversation was over. “Even if such a challenge were to fall from the heavens and land directly on us. We will face whatever lies before us head on and accept the fate that has been ordained by Buddha.”

            “Well then, Master, you can find somebody else to save your ass because I am tired of being the only one around here who-” Wukong’s sentence was cut short as, apropos of the monk’s declaration, the heavens had opened up and a strange blonde woman fell upon the angry monkey’s back.

********

            Sandy, Pigsy, and Bai Long stood at the side of a clearing and watched their brother and their master argue back and forth. They had seen this exact same scenario played out before; it was safe for them to assume that it wasn’t going to be the last. The novelty of these fights had worn off and now they simply wished they would get to the point where Wukong would learn his lesson about self-control, humility, and acceptance so they could move on with their journey. For all the talk about other people slowing him down, Wukong sure liked to waste time arguing moot points.

            However, a girl falling from the heavens and landing on their elder brother’s back was new. They and the monk stood agog staring at the unforeseen spectacle before them: the woman had hair the colour of summer sun, and her clothes were foreign. The sack that she carried on her back had fallen off, that too was made of some strange and heavenly material not found on earth.

            Her face had landed in the dirt, her legs tangled amongst the limbs of Sun Wukong, and she moaned as she cradled her temples in her arms, nursing whatever wound she incurred from her less than graceful decent from heaven.

            Tripitaka was the first to break free from his spell. Still unable to process what had just happened, he rushed to the side of the stranger in an attempt to help her sit up an regain her composure. Pigsy followed his master’s lead and the two of them were able to prop the woman up and assess her for any injuries: some bumps and scratches, all superficial. That didn’t rule out the risk of any serious, or even deadly, head wounds.

            “Little sister, are you hurt?” the monk asked. “Do you understand me? Can you open your eyes?”

            The woman replied with a whimper, as she slowly blinked her eyes several times trying to purge her tears. Pigsy watched her blue eyes dilate and constrict in an attempt to regain focus. They had never seen a foreigner before. He knew that humans in other countries looked different, and that they were bound to meet foreigners on their journey to India, but the difference in eye colour was striking. This wasn’t something to dwell on, however; the woman needed help.

            “Good, good, little sister, you’re going to be alright. Let us help you. Just keep breathing nice and slowly.” Pigsy spoke to the woman in a low, slow voice and began to exaggerate his breath in so that the stranger might mimic him.

            “HOW ABOUT THE TWO OF YOU QUIT FAWNING OVER THAT STUPID SKY WOMAN AND HELP YOUR BROTHER OUT!”

            Wukong’s voice hit the stranger like a slap to the face. She gasped as her eyes widened and she finally focused on her surroundings. Pigsy was familiar with the expression on the stranger’s face: shock, confusion, fear; a primal fight or flight reaction that all humans experience when face to face with a demon.

            The stranger’s breath became quick and shallow, Pigsy could sense her heart rate bounding. There may still have been hope that Tripitaka may calm her down, but as she looked down at his elder brother, the demon monkey trapped between her legs, flashing his fangs as he scowled at the woman, he knew what was about to happen.

            He let go of the stranger as she screamed and began kicking wildly at Wukong until they were finally untangled. As the terrified woman struggled on all fours to get up and make a mad dash into the forest, Wukong jumped up with an unwarranted sense of accomplishment. Congratulations you stupid monkey; you successfully scared a woman.

            Tripitaka went to mount Bai Long. “Sandy. Pigsy. Please, help me look for our new companion. Monkey, you stay here and watch over our camp.”

            Whatever pride Wukong felt fled his body as soon as his master spoke. “What? Why are you chasing after her? She means nothing to us.”

            “Where you not paying attention to what our master had said?” Pigsy spat.

            “Yes. Even if such a challenge were to fall from the heavens and land directly on us. Well, I just passed buddha’s test. I overcame that challenge and didn’t even resort to violence. I guess I have learned my lesson now and we can all continue on our way. Oh thank you great and wise buddha! You have made me a better monkey.”

            “You have learned nothing,” Tripitaka snapped. “Now we have to go find this woman lest a fate worse than crashing into you befalls her.”

            The monkey growled. His blood was beginning to boil.

            “Then I will bring this challenge back to you, master.”             Wukong took off in the same direction as the woman before the monk could object. beginning to boil. He raced through the canopy following the stranger’s trail. The path she left was easy enough to follow. Even if it wasn’t glaringly obvious, Wukong could smell her: her scent; her blood; her fear. He could hear her: her ragged breath; her racing heart; her pitiful cries for help. The great monkey king would catch up to this pathetic whelp in no time and return her to his master so he can figure out what he wants to do with her. But before he brought her to his master, Wukong had some questions of his own to ask the woman. At the very least, this stupid woman owed Sun Wukong an apology.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my two friends that they might be “soulmates”?

okay for privacy sake i will use abbreviations… so i (27NB) have two coworkers-turned-friends named T (28M) and B (27M)… they had known eachother before i ever met them and were both to my knowledge straight and cis

the three of us game a lot and have hung out every week over the past 8 months since i met them. T and B feel like they could have been my brothers separated at birth; we get along great and have the same humor. they treat me like “one of the guys” and it gives me a lot of euphoria as a transmasc enby

some nights we spend listening to eachother talk about specific interests that each of us has. B is a DM and is obsessed with D&D, T loves politics and history so he rants about it a lot, and i’m into psychology and personality typing. we each like talking about these things but are casual-enjoyers compared to the respective person who has more of a die-hard obsession. it’s a good way to unwind; getting drunk or high and listening to somebody else go off the rails about a topic you enjoy

i just recently got a new book about personality typing. to sum up, it deals a lot with how others interact with eachother and what each person values (it’s a socionics book). tbh it’s all just fun for me, i love reading theories about behavior. both T and B have had me “type” them and they’re entertained by it so when i got this new book and we hung out two nights ago i was excited to have some drinks and rant about the book i’m reading…

they were excited, too. i was tipsy while ranting but i remember a lot of laughing and me pacing around while i talked. i may or may not have accidentally knocked over one of B’s lamps when i walked past it. but it was all just positive reactions to what i was talking about. i talked a lot their own personalities, but neither of them seemed bothered. they’ve said before that they kinda like it when i “psychoanalyze” them…

here’s where i maybe am an asshole.

after i got too drunk to keep ranting, we started playing mario kart. playing mario kart while drunk is hilarious tbh and we aren’t competitive people much. T and B are always pretty nice to eachother about it. so, in the last round we were playing B knocked T out of first place at the last second and other than a playful slap on the arm/joking insult T didn’t really seem to mind. he even complimented B on managing to do it while drunk. i’ve definitely had friends play mario kart and attack me for doing a lot less than what B did

so, stupid and drunk, i made the connection in my brain what two types they might be from the book i’m reading. i told them as much and they both seemed interested but want to know why i thought that. i pointed out that they are both a little soft around eachother and tend to have similar values. i explained the two types i thought they each fit and they seemed to agree up until i explained… that those two types are considered “soulmates” (the book also calls it “duality”) which might be why they are so close

immediately T got kinda defensive. he asked me what i meant by that and i stupidly told him more about it rather than noticing his tone. he was a little too quiet after i finished talking so i tried to make it better him by telling him it was “just pseudoscience” because honestly it is. when T didn’t speak for a minute or two after that, B got up to go to the bathroom.

i don’t have a super clear memory of what B’s reaction was since i was focused on T, but i vaguely remember him looking happy about it before T spoke and until i saw his face when he got up i figured he hadn’t been bothered. B is a bubbly kinda guy, always smiling, but when he left he looked hurt, sad…

i was pretty confused. i’m not great at social cues and even worse if nobody tells me how they feel. jfc add drunk on top of it and i’m lost. T and B are usually patient about that and talk it out with me but we only ended up hanging out for maybe 20-30 mins afterward and when T and i left to go home nothing had really been resolved.

i had kinda forgotten about it when i went to bed that night but the next day i woke up to a text from T that essentially said “can you not talk about B and i like that we’ve had this issue before and we’re not gay”

as a queer person, both trans and bisexual, this is always a weird situation for me to be in. i’m not sure how to explain to a straight cis guy that “soulmates” can be platonic. i just texted back saying okay and kinda left it at that and B hasn’t mentioned it not even when i saw him at work yesterday. he seemed kinda quiet once or twice but not much different.

but tonight i have a shift at the same time as T and i’m worried i was already an asshole but that i’ll be an even bigger asshole if i push this topic any further. idk it feels unresolved

tl;dr i implied two of my straight cis guy friends were “soulmates” and one of them got very awkward/defensive about it but the other got kinda sad. i want to ask them more about it and talk about it with them. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap (creature feature: beholder): what do you see that no else does? what aren't you hearing?

welcome to my october pac/pap creature feature series - instead of having a single pac/pap this month, there will be five! every monday (at 5p / 17:00 EST) this october, a new creature will be coming out to play as the sun begins to set earlier and earlier... keep an out; you never know what is lurking in the darkness...

today's creature is the beholder: song queued: "somebody's watching me" by rockwell! do you live in the mountains or near cave systems? the beholder is likely right underfoot or lurking in shadows of your mountainside as we speak... the beholder is a fictional monster originally depicted in dungeons & dragons, a fantasy role-playing game. this creature is a floating orb of flesh with a large mouth containing hundreds of sharp teeth. a majority of its face is a single central eye; surrounding this creatures head are many smaller eyestalks each with their own powerful magical abilities. this creature is mainly reliant on eyes - but where are their ears? their hearing is akin to a snakes - poorly developed and prone to common diseases/infections.

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: how can you be more honest with yourself?

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading. options and prices!

pile one

you see other's pasts more clearly than they themselves do. for instance, you can see and understand more clearly why they are discontented in their present / how their past effects their future. you also can see how people can best heal from their past to have a better future. and because of that, you know that change is an inside job first and foremost.

you are likely struggling to hear your feelings; mainly, you are struggling with intuition and self-trust. taking life too seriously and not making time to play and explore causes a lot of strain on any of us. we then struggle to understand our emotions and thus lack a knowledge of what truly brings us joy and happiness. be more sensitive to your, and others', feelings. don't take things too seriously - play; have fun - and realize that not everyone is trying to harm you or your feelings.

pile two

let's face the facts - you see everything. you have a true curiosity when it comes to the world around you. you can also see good thing come towards you from a mile away - chances are you can sense who/what is good or bad for you. keep a watch for opportunities in the world around you; they are surely set to appear.

you aren't hearing the universe shouting at you not to settle. there is no time limits on life. listen to your gut - if you feel something is missing, listen. it is never too late to fill the spaces in your life that you feel are lacking. follow you heart and your instincts when seeking what exactly those missing pieces are. know it is okay to release the things that once brought you joy - you are allowed to change. it's time to declutter life.

pile three

you see what motivates others - you see what they truly want beneath the front they put forth. you also understand what you do and why you do it. you know when someone wants recognition versus when they want attention from others. you might also see the ideal state of things; in that respect, you are sort of an optimist!

you aren't listening to those, and yourself, that it is time to let go and free yourself from false hope. hope is a good thing to have but know that when a pattern presents itself or when you are stuck in a cycle, sometimes it is up to you to walk away. it's not enough for you to hope that things will change, you are have to take action for things to get better. hear me when i say that you must free yourself from your past and from the destructive things in your life - the new year in around the corner; drop the old in time for the new to come in. it's alright to make difficult or unpopular decisions.

want a personal beholder reading? tip 2.99 USD with the comment "beholder" and i will privately get back to you with what you see that others don't AND what you aren't hearing!

other then that, thank you for reading! don't forget to comment down below which monster you believe is coming to join us next monday?

[mylifeasaserver]

Son of Bitch!

Tragically, one of my jobs in the pharmacy is answering the phone.

Today I pick up and am greeted with "Listen you son of bitch" and knew I was about to make a new best friend.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me son of bitch. I want -" and then I hung up because abuse is not part of my job requirements.

He calls back. Caller ID tells me it's somebody who has been banned from the store because he's constantly abusive to staff. At this point he has to send his son in for his prescriptions because he's been trespassed. It will be enforced. I'm not sure what godforsaken hellhole he moved here from, but apparently you can be rude as shit there. He has yet to get the memo that doesn't fly here. Or maybe he's just dealt with retail long enough to know managers don't typically do shit.

"Motherfucker did you hang up on me?"

"Yes, and I will hang up every time until you learn to be polite. Goodbye." And then I hung up again.

Now he calls back.

"Get your manager motherfucker! Now!"

"No. Try again." And then I hung up again. I'm more than happy to spend my entire shift doing nothing but this. I can outlast him if nothing else.

The pharmacy manager, who listens to what's going on around him like it's his job or something, asks me what's up. I tell him who I'm talking to and what's happening. He offers to take the call.

No. This one is mine. I'll gleefully eat any punishment the job throws at me...but this is a battle I want to fight.

He calls a few more times, calls me motherfucker and son of bitch, and each time I just hung up on him. Mostly because fuck that guy in particular.

He calls back again and asks "Does anybody work there but you?"

"They sure do! But I've made sure I'm the one to take your calls. How can I help you?"

Finally, he requests his med refills without any further bullshit. I let him know when the meds will be ready, and he says "bitch" and hangs up.

I could be the bigger person. I could just fill what he needs. Or I could be the same dickhead I always am.

I cancelled all the refills and called him back.

"What?"

"Just wanted to let you know I cancelled those refills. You will get nothing until you can resist being abusive. Have a nice day."

Then, because I'm nothing if not consistent, I hang up.

This man called back, sounding positively exhausted but still angry.

He orders his meds again, I made him go through all of them again partially to ensure that I got them correct and partially to ensure that his suffering was maximized.

Finally he just hangs up. I'm 100% fine with that.

I've been thinking more and more about retiring and being done with people as a whole. -J

[spinningwebsandtales]

The Shape Of Your Heart (A 'The Shape Of You' Valentine's Special One-shot)

Michael Myers X FemReader

Rating: T+

Warnings: Mentions of a panic attack, past bad experiences on Valentine's Day, steam (somebody get me a fan and turn it on high), mentions of cannibalism (jokingly I promise), shirtless Michael (deserves a warning in itself)

Word Count: 4.2k

(A/N:) Hello and welcome to my own little pit of insanity! It's supposed to be Valentine's Day today but I and my very bestest friend all agree that it needs replaced with second Halloween! So far that has yet to happen, so we take it upon ourselves to celebrate a second spooky season while everyone else drowns in a sea of pink and red. I wanted to do something very Countess-y for the day and this idea came to me while at work and it's just too perfect not to do! This is a special one-shot set in my The Shape of You universe and you shouldn't have to read my fanfiction to read this. But to all of my people who are following my fic please know that I am still working on it and I haven't forgotten! I just got an idea on what to add to the chapter today cause I don't just want to rush to the end it wouldn't be fair to the story and my readers! So keep your eyes open you don't know when the Boogeyman will appear! 😉 So keep it spooky and to all the fellow Michael Myers lovers Happy (second) Halloween!

Valentine’s Day was just another day for you, nothing special and nothing exciting. You’d been on the normal dates that everyone went for this particular day, with whoever you were dating at the time going all out. Flowers, chocolates, expensive restaurants. All the works, anything that would make a normal girl swoon. But none of those things really mattered to you and it didn’t take long for them to grow bored with you and leave you not long after. So you didn’t get excited about the holiday like all your other co-workers do. So today had been stressful trying to avoid all talk of Valentines with everyone, even Julie who gushed about the flowers on her desk to anyone who would listen. You were happy for her and everyone else and it wasn’t that you disliked the holiday, old wounds just ruined it for you. So when it came time to finally leave you rushed out the front door towards your car.

You felt all the pressure and anxiety leave as soon as your car door slammed shut and you turned the key over starting your car with a roar. After giving yourself a few moments to collect yourself (you knew Michael would worry), you put the car into gear and pulled out of the parking lot. While the traffic of Haddonfield seemed to be on your side, the radio was a different story. What once had been your friend just yesterday had quickly turned into the enemy. Every love song and ballad that existed in the world seemed to be playing on the local station, so you changed the channel. Just for the other station to treat you just the same. And the next one and the next one, same story same old song and dance. You finally just turned the knob off shutting off the whole radio in an angry huff. So you just enjoyed the silence on the remainder of the ride home.

It wasn’t lost on you when you pulled into your little neighborhood of all the happy couples that lived close to your house leaving their houses hand in hand. Most likely going on dates planned weeks or months in advance. All you truly wanted today was a hot delicious meal with Michael and a sweet night cuddled together on the couch with him as you both watched a movie. Something action packed or even a comedy, just as long as it wasn’t something disgustingly romantic. You’d even order pizza or something, cause now you didn’t feel like cooking anything. Finally pulling into the driveway of your little home, you couldn’t help but feel that you were finally free to act like yourself. While you fumbled for the front door key, you waved at your neighbors before heading inside.

Michael had never celebrated Valentine’s Day in the special ways that everyone talked about. He could remember a few of the parties that would be held at school, with cupcakes smothered in bright pink frosting and covered with heart shaped sprinkles, or cookies cut out in various shapes to convey love and all things sickeningly sweet. Michael could only remember the treats tasting like ash and the little thin cardboard cards a lie. No child wanted to celebrate with someone like him and no one wanted to be his valentine. All he could remember back at home was his sister gushing about her new boyfriend and all they were going to do that night to celebrate. It made him hate everything even worse, especially when he was left home all alone with the babysitter that his parents had conned into watching him.

Then that fateful Halloween night had came around and then Michael knew nothing else of Valentine’s Day or any other holiday that normal people celebrated. No barbecues on the Fourth of July, no more trick-or-treating on Hallows Eve, and no presents sitting under a beautifully decorated tree. He gripped the handle of the chefs knife he held tighter, knuckles turning white as a blinding fury built in his chest until he breathed deeply, calming himself. It was getting close to time for you to come home and he wouldn’t let the past ruin this for him or you. He loved you too much and he knew that you had had some bad experiences linked with Valentine’s Day and now that you both had each other he didn’t want this time of year to remain that way for you or for himself. So he had planned in secret to treat you and surprise you with a Valentine’s Day to remember.

It had been difficult for him to keep everything quiet as he was a little excited to share such a special occasion with you. Though it was far from the normal things couple did on the day, he couldn’t just go out and buy you flowers and chocolates. He knew you didn’t mind but for some reason it bothered him more than it should. You didn’t let such material things judge how much you love him, but he wanted to do everything in his power to make you feel and show you just how special you are to him. So everything had to be perfect. You were the light that saturated his darkness and if he couldn’t convey that with his actions he couldn’t help but feel like a failure. So with a few extra touches Michael finished his work before going up the stairs to change into the clothes that he had laid out after you had left. He didn’t want to greet you at the door in food stained clothes that smelled of his sweat and the seasonings he used. So he made his way up the stairs, trying to hurry himself when he heard your car pull into the driveway.

You turned the knob and stepped inside, but something felt off. Michael always kept the living room lights off so nosy neighbors couldn’t see inside when you finally made it home, but having all the lights off was unusual. And it had become a routine that he was always waiting to give you a welcome home kiss and hug, to make the tension ease away as soon as you got home. But Michael was nowhere to be seen and it made your heart drop before racing in your chest. You couldn’t help but worry that something had happened to him as you searched all the shadows.

“Michael,” you called. When he didn’t answer you felt a lump form in your throat and tears prick at your eyes. It had been a rough day and to not have him here to make everything better seemed to be the last nail in the coffin. You dropped your bag and keys to the floor.

“Michael,” you sobbed, feeling pathetic as you started to panic.

Michael had just finish changing when he heard the mournful sound of your voice. His heart shattered and he started to panic as he raced down to you. The sight of you standing in the dark, still in your work clothes with tears streaming down your cheeks and smearing your makeup, shattered him. He was in front of you in just a few strides before swallowing you into his strong embrace. This was definitely not how he wanted to start your evening together. Kissing at your tear soaked cheeks, Michael gave you as long as you needed to calm down to greet you in the way he wanted to.

“I thought you left and I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry it’s been a rough day and I didn’t want to come home and make you worry.” Michael hushed you softly continuing to dry your tears carefully, smearing your makeup worse in the process. He cursed himself for not being faster, but it had taken him a couple of tries to get dessert just right or he would have been at the door and had the candles on the table lit before you could have walked in. So far his plan was not going perfect like he wanted. But it had yet to explode into terrible just yet. He could and would salvage the situation.

Once your tears had dried and your breathing had calmed, Michael finally was able to get things to start rolling. First he kissed you deeply, like he always did when you finally made it home from work and then he started the shower so it could warm up. He didn’t want the work day to stay on your skin and weigh your shoulders down. With another quick peck he left you to relax for a few moments while he laid out the clothes he wanted to see you in before going back to the kitchen. Making sure the food was staying warm while he heard the shower running, he cleaned up the rest of his mess until he heard the shower stop and the bathroom door open. Your wet feet pattered against the floor as you walked to the bedroom to dress and Michael dried his hands on a dish towel. You took in the sight of the dress draped across the bedspread, Michael could read you like a book as it was one of your favorite more comfortable dresses. It was beautiful without being obnoxious and the black always flattered your frame. You threw the towel in the dirty basket before slipping into the dress and as soon as you got it zipped up halfway, you could hear Michael’s footsteps come up behind you.

His larger hand replaced yours, finishing zipping up the dress before he kissed the back of your neck sweetly. He brushed at your still wet hair while taking little nibbles against your skin. You shivered as you allowed Michael to explore. It was moments like these that you could only feel comfortable with Michael. He never pushed you and took his time. Savoring every second he could from your taste or the little motions and sounds that he elicited from you. When he had his fill of your taste for that moment, he gently brushed your hair before braiding it simply and lead you by the hand to the main attraction of the night. It wasn’t until this moment that you finally realized how Michael was dressed. Wearing his finest pair of dark jeans and a deep red button up shirt tucked in with the leather jacket you had bought for him months ago.

His boots thudding against the carpet as he continued to lead you towards the kitchen that was dark except for the two candles that burned brightly on the table and the small light that was above the sink. You gasped before looking up at the dark haired man that cared for you so deeply, it made you feel like your heart could soar above the Earth. He squeezed your hand a little tighter and kissed your temple before taking you to the table. He pulled out the chair for you, letting you sit down before he pushed you towards the table. You took in the atmosphere of your normally plain kitchen. Michael had dug out the tablecloth that you had bought years ago, draping it across your little table where he had placed your finest dishes for you both to dine on. The candles were from your emergency stash, for storms that would knock the power out. But those were replaceable, letting Michael do the things he needed was too special to worry about some cheap candles that were easily replaced.

While Michael worked you watched him, enraptured at his movements and the broad back that just begged for you to touch. A splash of red on the kitchen floor caught your attention and at first you thought Michael had cut himself. But as your gaze began to trail further towards the table and out of the doorway to the kitchen into the living room did you finally realize that it was a trail of rose petals. You laughed at yourself for not noticing it until now, until another thought overtook that one. Where did he get roses from? Shrugging to yourself, deeming it unimportant, you turned your attention back on the gorgeous backside that Michael Myers owned. Michael turned around and you quickly looked away, trying to act innocent but he had known you were staring, Michael didn’t mind. It wasn’t like he never caught himself staring at you. Carrying two plates he set yours down before taking his seat across from you at the table.

Michael hadn’t known the first thing about cooking until he had came into your life. You had lovingly and patiently taught him several things and now he had taken to it easily. You were a good cook and knew how to cook many things, but with work you hardly felt like making more of the extravagant dishes you knew, so a lot of times you would bring home something from the local restaurants, but with Michael around he made sure to either have something cooked by the time you got home or you both cooked together. But this was a significant occasion where he wanted to branch out and really impress you. The kiss was to greet you, the shower to relax you, and dinner was his chance to wow and woo you. Like you weren’t already head over heels from him. Your jaw dropped at the sight of the steak, cooked perfectly; medium rare, baked potato, and carrots carefully cut into little hearts. You beamed brightly at Michael, making his heart skip a beat before you held up one of the carrots, just in awe of his skills and attention he took with the meal. You grinned slyly before popping the vegetable into your mouth. Savoring the flavors bursting on your tongue and the slight crunch of the carrot.

“Y’know Michael it’s really unfair how good you are with a knife,” you said while stabbing another carrot with your fork.

He just shrugged his shoulders, returning your grin with a mischievous glint in his eye, “I’ve carved up enough stuff to know how to wield a knife.”

“Let’s not talk about your occupation before dinner,” you scoffed teasingly. “This is beef steak right?”

“Whatever you had in the freezer,” he took a big bite of steak, chewing thoughtfully. “Unless,” Michael paused, “you’re hiding a cannibalistic hobby from me.”

“You don’t know how delicious next door neighbors can be when cooked right.”

You both laughed before you grimaced at the thought and tucked into your plate, the instant the steak hit your tongue you let out a moan. Michael looked up a vivid red tinting his cheeks at the sound you just made.

“This is sooo good,” you took another big bite. Every horrible moment that you had experienced today melted away every second. Michael forgot his plate for just a second as he watched you enjoy the food he had painstakingly made for you. Every mistake and cut was worth it as he witnessed the bliss on your face and the laughter you both shared about minor details of each others’ day. After finishing up your whole steak and sides you didn’t think another bite of anything was possible but then Michael cleared away the plates and brought back a huge chocolate cake. Layered with a thick coat of chocolate buttercream and a shiny dark chocolate ganache on top. Wiping a droplet of drool at the sight of the decadent dessert, you suddenly dredged up the mental room in your stomach for a piece of the delicious looking cake. Michael served you once again, cutting a big enough slice it would take you two sittings to get through, but you didn’t mind. Your mouth watered seeing all the beautiful layers and chocolate goodness. But Michael didn’t move away and you suddenly got nervous. Was he feeling ornery? Was something bothering him?

But he only stepped away with no explanation, until he grabbed his chair and dragged it over closer to you. Though he was just sitting across the table from you it felt so far away and he couldn’t take a second longer being that far from you. He wasn’t too hungry for cake at the moment and there was just something about watching you enjoy every bite that had him feeling more full than he had in years. You seemed to curl into yourself at him being so close while you ate. You weren’t a very clean eater, especially when it came to chocolate cake, but he didn’t want you to feel that way around him in anything. Michael took your fork, his eyes leaving yours just for a second to get you a decent bite before bringing the fork up to your lips. Carefully you took the bite before your eyes rolled and sighed loudly at the wonderful flavors hitting your tongue.

“It’s absolutely delicious,” you chewed. “Michael you have to try some.”

His expression intensified pinning you to the back of your chair as he loomed over you. Dark locks of his wavy hair shadowing his dual colored eyes. He tilted your chin up, stroking your cheek with the rough pad of his thumb before capturing your mouth in a heated kiss. He didn’t keep it gentle for long as he forced himself into your hot mouth. The tastes of chocolate hitting his tongue mixed with the unique taste of you. It was his turn to moan as he explored, taking his time and stealing your breath. You clung tightly to his jacket, trying not to slip out of his embrace as the strength melted from your limbs. The chocolate cake was sweet but the motion of Michael against your tongue was even sweeter. Placing his hand on the back of your head and tangling his large fingers in the locks of your hair he pressed you closer as if he couldn’t devour you enough, before he finally pulled away. You gasped for air but still held tightly to him, cake suddenly forgotten. Pupil dilated in the brown of Michael’s one good eye, he sat back down.

“Delicious,” he smirked and you blushed deeply. You were thinking that he wasn’t talking about just the cake.

You both didn’t speak for several moments until you cut the silence by cutting one piece off of the cake and offered it to him. Michael took it, chewing thoughtfully as he watched you cut another piece, his eyes never missing a movement or the fact that your breathing was still rapid from his passionate attentions. It took every sliver of control to keep himself seated while you shared the rest of the cake together.

With stomachs close to busting from the amount of food, this time you took the initiative in the next part of the plan. Michael had thought that both of you could watch a little TV before calling it a night, but if there was something in particular you wanted to do, he wasn’t going to argue. Though he was confused as you lead them both outside through the back door. Shutting off the lights and not turning the outside light on, you opened the door a gentle breeze stirring the hairs that slipped out of your braid when Michael had kissed you. Stepping outside Michael didn’t hesitate and stepped outside with you. You sat down on the top step before patting right beside you. Michael took a seat keeping a tight grip on your hand. It didn’t take long for you to lean your head on his shoulder and Michael wrapped his arms around you, trying to cling to you as tightly as he could, to keep this moment from ever slipping away.

As you sat outside on the step with Michael his arms wrapped around you, you noticed your bald rose bushes you had planted a couple years ago beside the back door. You snorted loudly, stifling a laugh now that you finally solved the mystery where your lovely rose petal trail came from. (Hey Countess here, yes I know February is still winter and rose bushes won’t have flowers on them, but just shhhhh enjoy the story and let me have this! Okay back to the fluff!) He looked at you in confusion but you just shook your head. You didn’t want to embarrass him or make Michael feel bad that he had taken advantage of your beautiful rose bush. Blooms could grow back and it probably helped the plant anyway. You watched the world go by as the stars flickered in the midnight blue colored sky. For once the neighborhood was peaceful and you breathed in deeply. The chill in the air had you shivering a little as you didn’t grab a jacket to go over your sleeveless dress. Michael untangled himself from you to shrug off his leather jacket and drape it over your chilly shoulders. You curled into the warmth, sighing as it cut the chill from reaching you.

“It’s nights like this that really remind you that everything will be okay,” you whispered. “That things in the past don’t matter when the present is involved. I’ve hated Valentine’s Day personally for so long that just hearing that it was just around the corner always made me cringe. But I think you just changed that for me in the span of just one single night.”

Michael lifted you easily from the steps, placing you in his lap where he could hold onto you better. He buried his face in your warm neck, breathing in your calming vanilla scent as he tried to find the words. It was hard to explain how much he adored you and how he felt about every moment that he got to spend with you. He had thought that terrorizing Haddonfield had been his one purpose, to make them pay for the way that they treated him, ever since he was a child and then that fateful night had brought you to him. Now it seemed like the puzzle pieces were fitting right into place and he didn’t want to lose you when everything was finally going so right.

“I didn’t get to experience much of Valentine’s Day and I didn’t really get to experience much of anything normal that others have. Until you. I remember the parties held at school but that’s just barely. I want to have so many more firsts with you,” he kissed your shoulder, “I want to experience life with you.”

You gently brushed your hand against Michael’s rough cheek, relishing the scratch of his stubble when you kissed him on the forehead. “I want to experience life with you too. And eat more chocolate cake.”

He chuckled burying himself deeper into the crook of your neck and shoulder. His warm breath stirring against your skin, tickling and setting your nerves on fire. So you sat there on his lap, just holding onto him tightly while he held you, you both just relishing the silence. The words unspoken, not needing to be vocalized to understand. Time passed by slowly until Michael could feel you starting to get cold and shivering slightly against him. Without effort he stood up, still holding you in his arms and carried you inside. With another small kiss he sent you on your way to change into some comfortable pajamas so you both could enjoy a movie before bed. You didn’t argue but tugged him along wanting him to change into something more comfortable too. Though it pained you to see him get out of that gorgeous shirt that only hugged him in all the right ways. You teased him all the way to the closet where you somehow talked him into forgoing a shirt entirely.

That’s how you found yourself sprawled out on the couch on top of Michael, your legs tangled with his as you traced lazy circles into the skin of his chest. His breath hitching and finding it hard to concentrate on the movie with you touching him so tenderly. He grabbed your hand bringing it up to his mouth where he bestowed sweet kisses to each digit, in turn making you squirm. He grinned triumphantly, enjoying the way that he could turn the tables on you. You had an effect on him and he couldn’t help but feel smug when he could see that he did the same to you. So with one little sentence he finished the night quickly.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he murmured huskily in your ear. You sucked in a quick breath, never believing that anyone saying that sentence to you could hold so much power, but when he did it in that tone, it was like kryptonite.

“Happy Valentine’s Day Michael,” you whispered back, voice failing. He chuckled deeply before switching off the TV and scooping you back up to carry you back to the bedroom. The movie was boring anyway as he closed the bedroom door and all memories of past Valentine’s Day melted away on the taste of sweet kisses that tasted of chocolate cake and hushed giggles that sounded like calming wind chimes in a gentle breeze.

[mllemaenad]

The Magnus Protocol: Putting Down Roots

Well, Colin is the most interesting character. It might just be because I've done IT. Never mind the supernatural. That error does not mean anything. You're seeing that error because it's the last thing that failed, but it only failed because nine other things failed before it. The first thing that failed is the actual problem, but you don't know what that is because you currently can't get to the top of the log file because of all the other things that crashed. So what the hell is wrong with you, you stupid machine?

It's all very relatable.

That said, a ".jmj error" does seem likely to be the text-to-speech programs crashing, so it probably is a supernatural error and it probably does mean something.

For the moment, it still seems most reasonable to speak as though "Norris" is Martin. It may not be, of course. It could be a disembodied voice with no personality attached to it at all – but what do you do with that, until the narrative makes something of it? It could be somebody else entirely, but in that case I know nothing about them or their motives so there's nothing useful to say until they reveal themselves.

So for now: Occam's razor. It sounds like Martin and it came into being after the conclusion of The Magnus Archives, so the simplest guess is that it is Martin. If and when useful evidence to the contrary surfaces, I will change my mind.

Also: Norris told a story about a man who killed his love and then lost himself so badly that he turned into a tree like bloody Harold from the Fallout series. It also dealt very much with feelings of being forgotten and unnoticed:

Norris/Samuel Webber I can’t go home. Not for a few days at least. And I’ll have to avoid the usual haunts until they forget about me again. That won’t be difficult. What’s one more stressed doctor. Just a grey man in the crowd, unnoticed until I’m useful. The Magnus Protocol: Putting Down Roots

That's a problem from Martin's past, but also a problem he might reasonably said to be having now, if he's explaining the horrors of the world to people and nobody (with the possible exception of Sam) is listening.

If that isn't Martin, it is something doing an uncannily good job of explaining why Martin might not be having a great year.

And, while this is evidence of nothing, for the moment I am much amused by the idea that a ".jmj" error is the cast of The Magnus Archives continuing their longstanding tradition of complaining about statements. One of those creepy messages comes in and Martin just wails "Again? Seriously?" and the whole system blue-screen-of-deaths. It may not be true, but it's funny in my head.

I do note that the new format gives a much greater capacity for bad or ambiguous endings to the tales. There's a thing John says in season four that sticks with me:

Archivist One thing that always strikes me when I read statements like this is… the bias of survivorship. With one or two notable exceptions, the only statements the Institute receives are those where the witness has successfully escaped whatever terrible place or being has marked them for a victim. I wonder how many don’t make it out. How many of those shapes in the water were once just like Mr. Shakya. – The Magnus Archives: Submerged

And he's right: there are a few instances of letters-to-be-read-in-the-event-of-my-death, and a few cases where a person who is clearly still being pursued by something stops in to tell their story before being run down, but most of the stories end in an escape. They aren't exactly happy, but they do tend toward the hopeful: by luck, tenacity or skill you may survive. Even the cavalcade of horrors in season five has finally has something you could call a happy ending: you can assume most of those people lived, and even went home.

If you compare the first four stories of The Magnus Archives with the first four stories of The Magnus Protocol, you get a very different pattern.

The Magnus Archives:

Nathan Watts of Anglerfish outwitted the titular monster – he spotted that the voice did not come from the figure's mouth, and got away.

Joshua Gillespie of Do Not Open outlasted the coffin, using music ice, and apparently an iron will to resist its siren song.

Across the Street is the odd one out: while Amy Patel seems to have survived the experience unscathed, the story is clearly about Graham Folger, and the monster very definitely got him.

Dominic Swain of Page Turner was rescued by Gerard Keay.

But in The Magnus Protocol, because the stories are harvested, they can just end – and so far, they do:

Harriet Winstead's fate in First Shift is unclear: did she escape, or was she killed or taken? She is last seen in fear for her life and seeking shelter.

Likewise, in the episode's second story, RedCanary's fate is somewhat unclear, although only in the sense that there isn't a definitive ending: there's a clear implication that their explorations had permanent consequences. More than that, while it is uncertain if Harriet got help, it is certain that RedCanary did not. Due to the anonymous nature of the forum, they were warned and banned when their behaviour began to reflect the peculiar things that were happening to them. Nobody went to help.

Daria of Tweaking lived (at least so far), but is afflicted and changed by whatever the tattoo artist did to her, and the most distressing thing is that she seemed largely unaware of that fact. She knew that the tattooing itself was weird and invasive, but did not seem to find her persistent self-mutilation odd, and is merely awaiting further "inspiration" to continue the process.

Samuel Webber of Putting Down Roots turned into a tree, and while it is not completely clear if that means he died, he's definitely gone – his belongings simply found among the roots.

There has not, so far, been a story that matches the general pattern of The Magnus Archives, in which a person who is at least broadly fine describes the weirdest thing that ever happened to them. People here ... they disappear.

Everything feels much worse in this universe.

In terms of the overarching plot, Alice's plot against Colin seems unnecessarily petty, and also weird. I've turned her logic over in my head a few times, and I do not believe it. There might indeed be occasions where a bigger IT department would be better at troubleshooting problems than the one local guy, but those occasions probably do not include a scenario where you're running 30-year-old proprietary German software that is mysteriously haunted by text-to-speech programs that should not be there. Colin freely admits he does not understand the system – but it is highly doubtful that anyone else does either.

She also says this:

Alice All I’m saying is that Colin tinkers with this system all the time and I don’t see any oversight. If you queried upstairs asking about it, all bambi-eyed and innocent, some alarms might go off. They might even come down and do a refresh or reboot or whatever. – The Magnus Protocol: Putting Down Roots

This contradicts a lot of what was said in First Shift, in which Colin was indicated to be essential personnel who might not be allowed to quit, and that he was being leaned on by a minister to accomplish ... something. Now, granted, Alice may simply mean that a senior IT person isn't monitoring him – but it does seem that the people "upstairs" are aware of Colin's activities, and seem to be in contact with him about them. And her insistence on a "refresh or a reboot", aka "turning it off and back on again" is interesting in light of the earlier conversation:

Colin Do you have any idea what will happen if this thing finally managed to extinct itself? Alice We’d go home early? – The Magnus Protocol: Putting Down Roots

Calling in IT only makes sense in the context of killing the system: shutting down whatever they are using and migrating to something consistent with what everyone else is using. Then they could be supported the same way everyone else is, and have their software updates managed at an enterprise level. And what would that do? Stop the voices? Unleash indescribable horrors on the world? Couldn't say.

But the core of the episode is a small-scale power struggle over the stark difference between Colin and Alice's attitudes to their work.

Colin seems overworked, highly stressed and oddly dedicated: he learned German to help his crappy IT job, for a start. He is suspicious of the system and what it is recording, and disinclined to be "friends" with it, but also seems to regard its failure as potentially catastrophic. He is under some kind of pressure from above that indicates that someone regards his work as critical, but does not seem to have clearly stated what that means to anybody – or if he has, they weren't listening.

Alice is committed to the idea that their work is meaningless, and engages with it as little as possible – she sticks around while Colin is fixing her workstation, but exits to make coffee the moment Norris starts talking again. She's stated previously that she believes they only exist as a forgotten department and is unmoved by the thought of their programs finally biting the dust.

Sam, as the new guy, is caught between them: he's naturally more engaged with the stories than Alice is, and has clearly been looking into the history of The Magnus Institute, but he's also closer with Alice than with Colin and being mentored by her.

The plot goes nowhere, because Sam declines to participate. It's impossible to say who is right and who is wrong, or if both characters are just screwing around because their jobs are awful – but it is interesting that this ideological difference escalated so early.

Something strange is happening. Do we care, or do we not?

Of course, it's also fair to note that the characters themselves may be unreliable. John continued to pretend to disbelieve the statements in The Magnus Archives long after he'd worked out the correlation between the ones that required the tapes and the ones that were true – because he believed that was the prudent thing to do. It may be that Alice is deeply invested in everything that is happening here and simply refusing to say. But you can't know these things until the characters crack so, for now: Alice is committed to not caring, and Colin is committed to finding things out, and this is becoming a problem.

The story ends with a minor spat between Gwen and Alice, which is interesting because it sheds a bit of light on Gwen's past. Her surname is Bouchard, which makes it easy to make assumptions – but it's hard to tell what is still true in an alternate universe. Apparently The Shining and A Nightmare on Elm Street still got made, but The Magnus Institute is in Manchester so all bets are off.

In this instance, however, there seems to be a pattern: Gwen, like Elias, seems to have come from money.

Alice Let me guess, fancy gowns, champagne, bathing in the blood of the poor – that sort of thing? Gwen You know we make the same, Alice. An old friend just made partner at her law firm. She wants to celebrate. Alice You sound thrilled. Gwen Oh I can’t wait to catch up and tell them I’m still working in the same cesspit I was last time they asked. – The Magnus Protocol: Putting Down Roots

Elias, however, was something of a feckless stoner whose most notable trait was an utter lack of a defence mechanism for dealing with the supernatural. I would not describe Gwen as feckless at all, and while Elias was picked as a means for an immortal to hold on to life and power, and thus ostensibly rose quickly to the top of The Magnus Institute, Lena seems to be actively stymieing Gwen's career.

But it creates an interesting pattern. The OIAR is implied to be a place with a high turnover rate and little security – and it's a bastard of a job that no one enjoys and seems to be accomplishing little. It's easy to wave your hand at Sam: he's here because of whatever weirdness has led him to research The Magnus Institute.

But. It's him, but not just him. Sam is overqualified for the job. Gwen has connections, which usually lead to better prospects. No idea what Alice has been doing with her life, but ...

Alice Fine. Yes, I’m working that night. I’m working every night. I was born down here and I’ll die down here. Happy? – The Magnus Protocol: Putting Down Roots

So why are these people still here?

[is-she-suffering]

Kerrang Magazine - 04/10/2003

KATIE JANE GARSIDE Queen Adreena

IT’S TELLING that Katie Jane Garside takes her influences from literature rather than other musicians. More a poet, she’s one of the most emotionally honest lyricists around. It can make for harrowing listening, but it also has the effect – through her own brutal self-analysis – of blasting an unforgiving light on all emotions good or bad, and showing them to be natural. It’s something that has led many to think of her as teetering on the precipice of sanity. She first appeared a tiny, fragile, elfin creature, in the early ‘90s post-punk outfit Daisy Chainsaw, who scored a hit with ‘Love Your Money’. Now with Queen Adreena, clad in ragged fairy dresses and flowers in her hair, she represents total vulnerability through her breathy, pained vocals. She’s almost childlike in her ability to open the deepest, darkest thoughts in her soul, not afraid to show weakness, and desperately searching for the answer to happiness in life. Onstage, she’s begging us to understand her. One day, when she understands herself, maybe we will.

Finest hour: Rising from the flames to get as far as Queen Adreena’s third, forthcoming album.

“REALITY IS A TINY POSTAGE STAMP.” That unique Garside worldview in full…

Where does the inspiration for your lyrics come from? “My subjective and completely claustrophobic universe. I’m always trying to break a hole in my bubble, but it always closes over before I manage to get a hand out of it. I feel like I’m in a very small mirrored room and anything I say or do is just reflected back at me.”

Who has influenced you? “I just read the Francis Farmer biography, which is an absolutely devastating read. It seemed that she managed to break her bubble and then died the same day. I’m not sure it’s an influence, but it’s somebody else’s eyes that looked exactly like mine looking back at me.”

How does it feel being onstage? “I’m trying to punch holes in the canvas of what is ultimately what I am and scrape my fingernails on the sky, trying to find a new self. Expand my lungs a bit so I can breathe new air. It’s a momentary fix that sometimes works.”

Does the fact that your songs mean something to other people help you? “Sometimes you meet people, and they say something to you through their eyes that says they know where I am, where I’ve been, and who I am. Those are the moments that keep me breathing. I would never be able to say I’ve got that through my work, that’s not what the work’s for.”

How do you feel about how you’re portrayed as this mentally fragile person? “It’s as far removed from me as I am from myself. When I’m looking, everything seems like it’s a million miles away from me, because so-called reality is a tiny postage stamp an inconceivable amount of miles away. What anybody thinks about me is a million miles away.”

[lukewarmsoapytoast]

UGH the URGE to just spam this acc with angst writing is INSANE. Sadly, I haven’t written a full-length read in a while, I’ve had college classes in the mornings and I get busy in the afternoons. So, my point is, HERE’S SOME QUOTES I CAME UP WITH OR WANT TO USE‼️‼️

Please only reuse w/ credit!

Most of these taken from irl because it was funny 😭

LET ME KNOW YOUR OPINIONS AND WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT QUOTES AND SUCH IN!!!

Quotes

•

"Of course you do, and you’re going to regret those bad decisions in the morning when you’re sober."

“What morning?”

•

“You ignore my requests like they’re food allergies at a foreign restaurant and you wonder why I wanna hang out with girls more.”

•

“I wish I could love you, too.”

•

“It’s because I’m in love with you.”

“Because you wha—oh my god, it all makes sense now.”

•

"Alright, alright, I’ll tell you. But you can't laugh, okay? Promise me you’ll listen without judgment."

“I mean unless you say that you managed to kill a god, I won’t laugh.”

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.”

•

“My love…You— You know there isn’t any recovering from this, the medics won’t arrive in time, I-I’ll die. I deserve to be made fun of for being that stupid, but I don’t regret my choice…saving you was my goal overall in life, my purpose, and I succeeded..I can die happy, but you need to let me go, first.”

•

“And how am I supposed to believe you, huh? You wanna bring that fucking whore in to confirm that you still love me? That you regret fucking her over and over, and over, repeatedly, on our own damn bed??”

“[First Name], I—”

“It’s [Last Name] now, that’s what you’ll be referring to me as. No more pet names, no more first name. Goodbye, find somebody else to manipulate.”

•

“Dude, you literally shot me.”

“I was beat as a child, do you hate me, do you want me dead, I know you do, I understand—”

•

“I have a penis and it isn’t mine. ☺️”

“Uhh, what?”

“You heard me.”

“Where r u rn??”

“I’m w ur mom”

“Bruh”

“The party you told me not to go to.”

“Omw.”

•

“If you could have any superpower, what would it be?”

“😈”

“Uh oh? Please tell me you haven’t written an essay about this already and I happened to send that around the time you finished it.”

“I think I'd have the ability to persuade people. It's nothing special but imagine how much success you could end up having and also how many people you could befriend. I like having friends. ALSO you can stop any wars with just a "Stop pretty pls 🥺👉👈" like it's the best superpower. You could save the world with it basically, screw pollution”

“Dear god, keep going. I’m interested.”

“People who wanna fly are confusing, like, go skydiving or something like that, pull a hiccup from HTTYD. And why obtain invisibility when you can just tell people you aren’t there?”

“Wait, you’ve got a point.”

“Somebody asking why we’re stalking them? Hit them with the ‘NUH UH! I’M NOT EVEN HERE, BABY! I’M A HALLUCINATION!’. That’ll win.”

“Oh my god you’re onto something.”

“Someone trying to end the world? Nope. ‘Pretty pls be a good person 🥺’ them.”

“How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Since you asked.”

“YOU THOUGHT THAT UP THAT QUICKLY???”

•

"What if he thinks I'm being dense?"

"Then he'll stop liking you. Problem solved."

Ideas

•

When they're constantly assuring as they lay dying, "I'm fine, I'll be okay, don't worry about me, l'll live." But their final words, whispered, barely audible,

"I don't want to die."

•

“I’ll be there for you”, “I’m sorry”, “I love you”, over and over again. “don’t hurt yourself”, “We need a break”, “I need you”, All of this, but you never mean it. Never. Not when I need you, your mistakes are a record on loop, your love is as present as my father. You don’t care if I hurt myself, especially because you hurt me. Can this break last forever? You need me to do as you say, you don’t need me there.

•

If HS!Gojo had a crush he’d confess like this:

(Texting)

“Let’s go on a date, do you like sex? Lol. <3”

•

Chr picks up a completely dry and closed jar of salsa.

“Salsaaaa…”

Something drips on their toe.

“Is…Is it wet?”

Frantically checking the jar for water droplets or cracks. Nothing.

“Excuse me???”

Confused.

“WHY???”

Concerned.

•

Father telling small adopted demon child to stay behind while they search for a plushie.

"Perhaps you should stay here, honey. This is no place for a child anyways. I'm sure we don't want you getting kidnapped by some kind of murderer, do we?"

"👹" Foaming at the mouth.

"Dear god, what have I done?"

•

Two characters arguing in a group chat over who’s hotter and it turns into an argument over who would be a better boyfriend to you. This is how you make your grand entrance.

“What did I just stumble upon at this very unfortunate hour. I wish to die.”

[kusundei]

food for thought. because everytime it is mentioned i think abt how similar we r and im like. well if he can do it so can i right. but my whole thing js judt that i am so??? awkward? i will never let myself stand out rven though i am very well aware i could. am i smarter than most people? maybe. do i connect with everyone and am i friendly and empathize deeply and am i a listener? maybe. do i have good leadership abilities and can i do all of those things? maybe. but again the big difference is that he is brave and i am NOT. and just in general with everyone. but then again that leads bsck into that weird self loathing. i dont let myself stand out. 1 - because thats embarrassing and i dont want to be perceived all the time , 2 - im afraid of messing up, 3 - i have anxiety and i am incredibly awkward lets not forget abt that (i can fight it well though if i tried) and 4 - i dont want people to remember me. and moreso other people deserve that alot more than i do hut then AGAIN. evil and bad.

idk its just like yes i stand out in small parties. people recognize me and know that i am entirely capable when i know everyone else as well. i dont like standing out in crowds though but im well aware i have a lot of friends and slash acquaintances that would most likely agree w me but also no. jell no i dont like saying that. i enjoy being recognized for my work but if someone else wants to take the credit it doesnt bother me. reminds me of like ap psych with trhe whole data thing. yeah i remembered it all but i dont want everyone to pay attention to that. i get staff of the month repeatedly and i am constantly praised at work but i dont like acknowledging it because thats so scary. ive had so many opportunities where i could have stood out . i could have been asb. i could have been top of my class i couldve been all of this and this and this but i didnt let myself because i believe other people deserve thag more and im also incredibly worried to seem boastful. thats scary. i will never talk abt my own achievements. i am your humble king always and i would have always let alex win every single time

idk i just keep thinking abt it whenever it is brought up. people r so proud of their achievements and will talk about it all the time and they will go on about how capable they r and that they won this and this and this but when i do it i feel so overwhelmingly guilty even when its true. i will never stand up BECAUSE of it. do i think people r boastful whenever they do that sort of thing? helll no. im happy for you. i dont know why its so different for me i just pay attention because i am shocked one can be so confident. so i take it into account. we r the same. i am fully capable of doing those same things. he is so honest abt how smart he is and do i think he is not? hell no. hes right abt everything he says but then i think abt it and im like well why cant i do that. i know i am as well but i cant ever vocalize that but then i also cant dumb myself down tjat much cuz then people will think i am looking for attention. and then it becomes a whole cycle

like maybe i do want attention sometimes. i wish i couldve stood out. i wish i took those leaps i was fully able to do and let myself be myself in front of those crowds but im also so petrified of that attention 😓 which is why it is so endearing when i realize people do recognize that i am. smart i suppose. because its like oh. you knew that? and when people r just like. “I dont get this - ask sam he would probably know” “of course sam got this and this” “ask sam what he got” like especially in ap sem last year. geometry. it was endearing and yes i did bask in it in those small groups because its nice for a bit and yeah i do like the attention. i dooo. and oh my GOD does it suck so bad when somebody who is at the same level as me or lower (sorry) is praised for their work. because its just like. oh well i couldve done that too. but idk i am yearning or something.

idk so random i just keep thinking abt it. he is so proud and i am so proud of him as well and it makes me wonder why i cant be like that. i dont like saying that “we r the same” really because no i do think he is smarter than me and he deserves all of that and he deserves to be so proud of everything hes achieved and his knowledgement of how smart he is . just makes me think alot. where do i stand there. ? but comparing is evil. but that is a thing i do alot. just with evrryone. idk. then again yeah i do dumb myself down just cause its easier that way. but idk its whatever i dont want to go home because im worried being alone alone will cause me to crash out. at work again i cant crash out because im being perceived. same at school. but once i am truly alone then what. idk. i just dont have the energy to really do all of this again and i should probably talk to someone. cant keep doing this idk but whatever

[culpeppercheckers721]

Hi so in case you couldn’t tell based on the last post, in the spirit of “Abraham Woodhull Appreciation Day” this 7/22 I just re-read THE Abraham Woodhull fic to end all Abraham Woodhull fics, Do Something Revolutionary, so oh my fucking god I need to rant for a second:

I am so emotionally unstable right now IN THE BEST WAY— as I have mentioned I may or may not have made the grave mistake of listening to Twin Sized Mattress, as well as Somewhere Only We Know and This Is Gospel because apparently those can also get me teary-eyed, whilst rereading this fic because sometimes I love music while I read and my Do Something Revolutionary playlist fucking SLAPS OK 🤪

Anyways, oh my god, this fucking riveting fic never fails to make me feel literally every emotion in existence for Abe Woodhull, and I cannot recommend it enough because god, it is something spectacular. As simple as it may seem to the naked eye, it is SO incredibly effective, and it captures Abe’s character wonderfully and gives a much-desired look into what his childhood was like & the dynamic he and the rest of the ring had as friends then, it does a FANTASTIC job exploring his bisexuality which yes, is simply just a headcanon of mine, yet also something I think is way too fitting and intentional to write off but that is a whole other matter—! As said, it hits the childhood friendship dynamic spot-on, to the point where it felt like I was reading fucking Stephen King’s IT again with how strong those vibes were!! 🤡 And, as embarrassed as I usually am to admit it, yes, it makes me feel so many things! It is an all-around inspiring take on our little cabbage, and yes, I’m aware there are many people who often can’t stand Abe, but I swear to god I don’t know how anyone could get through this fic & and it’s beautiful glimpse into Abraham himself and what can be learned from him and not be at least a little appreciative. ❤️

I am aware how ramble-y this is and perhaps one day I will make a better, more coherence recommendation of this fanfiction, but what I am trying to say here is that it is an incredible read full of killer lines, great characterization & emotions, and it utterly shocked me the first time I read it as I was NOT expecting it go so hard!

So yes this was what I had to do on this little Abe appreciation day, once again similarly to Ben to appreciate him in some physical way ahah, but in all seriousness I just have to give this fic so much credit for the EMOTIONS it gets me feeling, and, of course, how absolutely FERAL the Townhull dynamic in it also makes me (because what else is new? ;)) as well as why it is very much worth your time if you’re looking to enjoy a look into Abe, some of the Culper Ring as kids, and that aforementioned side of Townhull.

(And to get back to the music thing, I’d like to note that oh my god, that also fuels the already very strong emotions. I don’t want to say that I’m a stone cold bitch sometimes or anything, but USUALLY it takes quite a lot to get me emotional, and when I tell you that Do Something Revolutionary (especially the ending) accomplished that, it is not praise I take lightly ;))

Anyways, if you actually read this rant holy crap. Thank thank you & apologies for the incoherency, but this fic has utterly captivated me once again, and believe me when I say I am delighted I might be able to make somebody else smile by recommending it.

For now, Happy Abe Appreciation Day once again!!! I’ll see you tomorrow for Townsend Appreciation Day lmao ;)

[snowdropsparklezzz]

Be More Chill opinions Act 2

Aight, this is gonna be another long one. First up, thank you so much for 3 followers! I'm feeling so loved right now ❤️ Alright, here goes another massive yap... If you're not down for it, scroll away now...

Halloween: It's fun! I love everyone's silly costumes, even though I kinda would have liked to have seen Rich's weed costume from the book... Also Jake's prince/Prince mess up is pretty funny. Also Brooke makes an adorable poodle (not in a furry way I swear) and this further cements that I love Brooke and Jerberry. Also the SQUIP dancing, 10/10. I'm not super keen on the extended ending in the Broadway version

Do You Wanna Hang?: Ew. I don't even wanna think about it. If you ship More Than Hang don't talk to me.

It kinda annoys me that in the Broadway version they don't let Michael be angry in the bathroom scene, like Jeremy hasn't talked to him for weeks, it's perfectly reasonable to be kinda mad! But tbh Michael getting 'softened' is kinda a problem throughout the whole Broadway production. Still love him though.

Michael In The Bathroom: It's awesome, you know it's awesome, just... ughhhhhh. There's not much to say that hasn't already been said. George Salazar please marry me (only joking). Not really any strong preference between Two River and Broadway, the slayness is too much in both to try to criticise either. Oh also the I wanna dance with somebody bit is amazing :)

The Smartphone Hour (Rich Set A Fire): This song has no need to exist, yet alone be 6 minutes long, but I'm so glad it does. It's just so fun. The dance is so fun, and I have to do it every time, and you know by now I live for goofy costumes and this scene certainly delivers. The boys dressed as girls is 10/10, and they all slay in their drag :) I love how two of the guys come down from the ceiling on massive sparkly iPhones, truly iconic. The Broadway version is slightly better for me because Tiffany Mann is an absolutely powerhouse, but I love Katie Ladner too. Overall top tier scene 😍

I know the order of Pants Song and Pitiful Children is different in Two River and Broadway but at the time of writing I am listening to the Broadway album so I'm putting Pants Song first

The Pants Song: This song and scene is completely whack but I love it! Yes, you go king, wear those pants! I love how he's like, aight, time to become Superdad! It's so fun and an iconic moment. Also 'Do you love him?' '[very stoned voice] Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?' amazing. Also I love how they have the MITB instrumental in the 'I already tried to help him, and he called me a loser!' bit. Also I just love this whole scene. 10/10. Also in the Tiny Desk concert Tiffany has some awesome vocals in the middle bit, although tbh that whole video is awesome. I should have mentioned in the Act 1 post that Lauren Marcus does an awesome cover of A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into and also Jerberry woo :)

The Pitiful Children: Okay, this is the first song I really have strong opinions about Two River vs Broadway. Firstly, I way prefer the lyrics in the Two River version, cos on Broadway it sounds like squip Christine and squip everyone else to make Christine happy, like that doesn't make any sense to me. Also the costumes for the squipped people in Two River are awesome and intimidating while on Broadway they're just weird. Also in Two River they reprise the dance from The Squip Song which is really cool. However, one thing Broadway has going for it is Tiffany's awesome vocals, like slay queen. Add Tiffany Mann to my list of theatre crushes lol. I might make an actual post of that soon lol. :) Anyway back to the point, Pitiful Children is awesome but better in Two River.

The Play: I don't super love either version that much, but both have their moments. Firstly, MICHAEL MAKES AN ENTRAAAAAAANCE!!! Yaaaaaaaaas! My boy Michael, you're not in the bathroom no more! (Credit to some YouTuber I stole that line off, can't remember who, sorry) Oh yeah, going off topic again but I finished the BMC soundtrack and now I'm listening to Little Shop Of Horrors and I remembered George Salazar was in Little Shop at some point and he slaaaaayed. Anyway, it's pretty fun how they reprise some of the earlier songs, even if the reprise of Two Player Game when Jeremy and Michael are fighting kinda kills me. Oh also 'I'm living the upgraaaaaade!' is awesome! One thing that I like better in the Two River is the delay before 'Drink this.' cos it gives it some tension, y'know.

The hospital bit is amazing and hilarious, and while I don't really ship Expensive Headphones the 'is he single' bit is amazing. Also I too identify as Anti-social Headphones Kid. Also yay pants! Also, 'Oh I was fully prepared to watch you suffer,' damn dude.

Voices In My Head: Awesome! I like the Broadway a bit better but I'm not totally sure why. Also 'Of the voices in my head, the loudest one is mine!' is a mood for questionable mental health squad. It doesn't totally make sense that everyone is suddenly friends and totally chill with the chaos that has been happening, but it makes for a nice ending I guess. It's cute that at the end everyone is having fun and happy.

So yeah, that's it, so in conclusion I really love BMC and basically all the cast and characters and most of the songs wooooooo:D

[shadowbrightshine]

Gen alpha? You kids are ok our stuff was just as weird in many ways. I just can't really bear to listen to it. I refuse to ever interact with that toilet. I hate the song, I hate rizz, and I hate gyatt.

I'm not gonna hate on the kids. I'm not going to say gen alpha is doomed or their brains are rotted away or they're stupid. They're children. Half of gen z are still young. We need to stop. They're little kids. They can be held accountable for some things but people keep putting adult thought processes onto kids. (Some people covering some of it don't blame the kids and I appreciate that)

What I am "hating" on is the high schoolers I had to spend years with who used it all the time. My own story is here but past it is other stuff.

Mostly because whenever I hung out with my ex, who has been my ex for over a year, and we are just friends now: there would be a guy laughing and claiming he was "rizzing me up".

I would get angry. So would he, he hates being reminded by others about our break up. He initiated it but I was going to as well. He's a wonderful guy, it just didn't feel right.

Anyways another time I was incredibly hyped up for the horror thing I'd been writing. So happy I was jumping in the lunch room, tapping my feet, cheering, all of it. My friend was blown away by my work and that made me even happier. Cue the table next to us, full of a mix of freshman and senior boys who called.

"You two rizzing each other? Or are you already dating him?"

We both informed the whole table that no. To both accounts. Also they're not a boy and I'm heteroromantic.

I've been accused of "being rizzed" half of every interaction I had with guys where I showed a modicum of excitement.

It's "ooohhh is that your boyfriend?" "Smoochy sounds" "he's got you bad!" But shorted to two words.

I hate that. Also it was always I was the one being, which like. Never mind.

Kids? You kids are shaped by the internet like we were, and with all the platforms combining and pushing you into spaces without an alternative, you're getting concentrated amounts. Kids are online more than ever. It's content farms and algorithm lucky stars. I don't blame the kids for singing things like that, usually not understanding what it means.

I don't blame the little kids for going nuts at makeup stores. They shouldn't be watching beauty or anti aging content in single or early double digits. It's getting harder for parents to moderate what their kids watch, but it is up to them to help. It's up to the parents to teach the kids that their screen is not always telling the truth, and that they're young. That they don't need expensive makeup or moisturizers. It's up to the parents or who is in charge to not cave about 70 dollar makeup when the kid is 12. It's up to parents to disallow the kind of behavior they were seeing. And to stop them from ruining displays.

I don't blame kids for copying what they see online. I missed vine but I watched clean comps growing up (came to the internet a little late) and would copy them constantly. My cousins and I still quote videos we watched as little kids at each other. We also, reenacted Garfield comic strips and referenced those because everyone had Garfield comic 3 book compilations, I had 4, our grandma had a bunch of small books and Sunday editions, ect.

Kids copy. What is a problem is that they're watching things that are not meant to be repeated out loud. And that was a problem for us too. My little sister is gen alpha, though we don't call her or any of us our gens. When she 3 she kept repeating "somebody kill me!" From muffin time asdf movie. We had to stop watching asdf around her so she would find something else. Not everyone has the space to, but we tried to avoid letting her see stuff we knew she'd repeat or copy.

They're kids, young teens at the oldest.

They're going through their cringy and silly and figuring out themselves parts of their lives. But now instead of it being in physical diaries as often, or on now long deleted dead platforms where plenty of our "cringe" or bad stuff we thought or did was lost to time, they're visible. They're being filmed too. If we aren't supposed to be filming strangers (without a good reason) that applies to children.

Especially to kids! Remember when old internet guides told kids not to show their faces online? The internet has changed but now with all the platforms combining and the loss of places for kids only, we should be careful. Kids are gullible! Like yes children are much smarter than we think but there's also a studied threshold age before kids learn to separate media from reality. That's why kids advertising had to be regulated. That's why companies also target kids.

These are small human, living, thinking, emotional children. We mourn the loss of "good media" in terms of old youtube or whatever. The kids can still watch it. Show them those old things. Vine died a few years before I joined the online world and I still watch and quote vines. People quote movies decades older than them. It being old never stopped people before. If it hasn't been lost to the void, try showing them that instead.

Read to them. Maybe kids nowadays really just don't want to read. That's been said for other gens, but hey I read way less than I used to after getting my phone. So use audio books. Find something with their hands they can do and play an audio book. Or read to them if you have time. There's also lots of audio dramas! Not like soap dramas though if you like them I'm happy! Like audio books with sound effects and multiple voice actors. Or fully original ones. (Think things we call podcasts like camp here and there, or night vale, or the Mourgue files. But you know, not horror focused)

And remember that many of the kids just aren't online anyways. Plenty of parents don't let their kids post online, they don't post about them much, they're literally just in places without internet or they're busy. Remember that the online world doesn't reflect reality as well as some think it does.

I've been thinking about this for a while. I'll never hate the kids. I might hate some of the media, but I'll never hate those kids.

[forbidding-souda]

Hey hey mod Souda! How are you today? I hope you have a good day!

I always thought about doing this request, oh the day finally has come!

Also, may I say that I took a long fucking time to get used to my gender... And now people are constantly asking my pronouns-- I'm not used to it--- 😭 where am I, I'm scared mom come pick me up😭😭

Anyways! For the request! Could you do Teruteru × Genderfluid reader? 😳

Also also... Happy valentines!

Bye bye!

— 🐭🌙

Teruteru Hanamura with a genderfluid S/O

Why the hell did this take me so long to do hello. Hello my love this one goes out to you. I miss you dearly. Mwah mwah

currently listening: love like blood by killing joke

-Mod Souda

❤ Ever since the two of you first met, you found yourself wondering his opinion on things. Not in the sense of apples vs. oranges, but more in relation to open-mindedness. He doesn't seem too bigoted. Maybe that sexualness he portrudes has no weight on his idea of sexuality and gender.

❤ Which, your theory was only proven the more you stuck around him in class. He was obviously very queer and god did it satisfy you.

❤ You liked him a lot, and the thought of being with somebody who would only label themselves attracted to one side of you is not a preferable situation. So, he seems like your match.

❤ It would be hypocritical if he was anti-gender-fluidity since he partook in multiple 'feminine' things (hair care, eyeliner, basic skincare whenever his sister is around for his birthday with those expensive little passive-aggresive gifts).

❤ He was attracted to you no matter what clothes you wore.

❤ He has always thought you were HELLA attractive.

❤ Other than bluntly flirting with you, he also tried to make you notice that you were different from his interactions with everyone else by trying to loosen his perverted nature towards other people whenever you were around. He didn't want you to think that you don't have his attention.

❤ You have his full attention and all of the time.

❤ Gives you cute little pet-names (some of which have the capability of annoying you) while pinching your cheeks.

❤ No one second guesses him being with somebody genderfluid because, in general, he can appear to be a fluid person as well.

❤ All of his friends will automatically be your friends so you don't have to worry about being unaccepted. His friends are generally very welcoming.

❤ If you do makeup, he will always request you do some on him.

❤ ^ He'll go on basking about it.

❤ He likes keeping multi-colored things in the house. He'll use a pink bathrobe else wear a cute pink apron (kiss the cook?) now that he fully understands that he is with somebody who can welcome the idea.

❤ He has always wanted his nails painted.

❤ And heart pancakes every morning ofc. Unless you don't like pancakes then wowww how dare you.

❤ Genderfluidity is something that he can adapt to easily. If you are still figuring things out then that's perfectly fine, it won't bother him or do anything negative in that sense at all.

❤ And ofc he'll refer to you as whatever you want to be called.

❤ Likes calling you sugar either way.

❤ When the two of you cuddle he loves moving around in his sleep and just claiming certain snuggle positions.

❤ ^ Snuggle is such an embarrassing word I am so sorry.

❤ If you kiss his forehead while he's sleeping he'll let out a cute little half-awake whine.

❤ I'll just say that you can not even explain the concept of genderfluidity to him and he'd just get it.

❤ ^ Like someone would ask him your gender and he'd be like "you know what... I never asked".

❤ Hey man if you're the type of person who likes buying their S/O clothing just know that he'll wear literally whatever you buy him.

❤ Omg cute couple matching onesies or something.

❤ OR CUTE MATCHING NECKLACES IF YOU WEAR NECKLACES.

❤ I think he'd absolutely love matching jewelery.

❤ I'm 100% his immediate family would like you too. His mama will love you no matter WHAT and I am so sure his siblings would at the very least respect you and comprehend your identity.

❤ If he ever is in the situation where he has to describe your identity to people he will do so in the most I-am-in-love-with-them-oh-my-god-why-are-they-so-perfect voice and the most dramatical facial expressions and a blush over his cheeks at the mere thought of you.

❤ "Omg I get to talk about them omg omg" ^

[dissociativediscourse]

Hello! I made a post reaching out to the plural community for help, and somebody recommended me your blog so, here I am!

Lately I've been considering the possibility that I might be an OSDD system, but I'm not really sure given the fact that I have convinced myself in the past that I had some sort of disorder, when in reality I didn't.

I guess my question is... How can you tell? How do you come to the conclusion that you might be part of a system? How can I tell if I'm sabotaging myself? I'm so confused.

I'll link the post down bellow, you don't have to read it if you don't want to, that's completely okay! I just thought it might help given the fact that I list most of my symptoms in there.

Thank you, have a nice day!

https://www.tumblr.com/just-an-anxious-little-mess/714800517560385536/plural-community-i-need-your-help?source=share

Hey, there! I’m more than honored that I’m being recommended for advice, and I’m happy to help!

So, first and foremost: I can’t diagnose you. And neither can anyone else on Tumblr— or anyone that isn’t a licensed professional who specializes in complex dissociative disorders. That doesn’t mean that we can’t help! It just means that you should really take anything you read (anything that’s not professional advice from a specialist, I mean) with a grain or two of salt.

Also, even with a list of symptoms, there’s still so much more that goes into it. Presentation, when and why these things happen, little details that you may not even notice yourself. Things that you’d have to know someone in real life to truly see and know for sure.

Finally, my case is a little difficult to use as a comparison for situations like these; I was diagnosed when I was a mid-teenager, and had no idea what DID even was. It was a bomb dropped on me. I’ve told the story here a million times, but… It wasn’t a case of self-diagnosis. So… Be warned that my experience with self diagnosis of DID is very limited and mostly in relation to those around me.

With all of that out of the way, let’s get started. I can’t tell you whether or not you have DID/OSDD, but I can give you some helpful pointers that may help.

If you’re questioning these things, one of the best things that you can do is look for a therapist. I have a tag (#therapy advice tag) that is featured on my blog that may help you— if it’s not enough, feel free to message me, because I’m more than happy to offer some pointers depending on your situation. It is imperative that you find someone that actually knows how to treat DID and isn’t just a cocky EMDR therapist or a newbie trauma specialist that’s fresh out of their residency and thinks they know everything. This sounds daunting, and it is an involved process. But it is very possible in many cases!

A good thing to keep in mind is that whether or not you have OSDD/DID, you want help/treatment that works for *you*. Many people think that they just need to self diagnose or get a diagnosis and then… It’s healing time!! Well… That’s not really how it works. Diagnosis is a tool that will probably only matter to your insurance— and the great news is that if someone is qualified to treat you for your dissociative disorder, they’ll put that f44.81 right on your bill! Mental health diagnosis isn’t like it is with medical doctors. It… Honestly doesn’t matter that much as long as your treatment is working.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t care whether or not you have this disorder. It’s just that the more energy you spend worrying about it, the less energy you’ll have to actually cope with it and get help. And that’s not good!

All this to say that a good goal to set for yourself isn’t “figure out if I have DID/OSDD ASAP and get that hashtag systemlife going!” (Which, I know that isn’t your goal. But that was a fun little sentence, wasn’t it?) — A great goal, though, would be to listen to your mind and your body and begin to work on stabilizing yourself and finding your ability to ground. To extend some feelers and figure out what you need to heal from your traumas. Because while right now it may be scary and confusing, you’re never going to do yourself any harm by grounding and finding your center and learning how to stabilize. You could be experiencing a complex dissociative disorder, and this could be that hard and heavy denial spiral. We’ve all been there. It sucks. You could also be confused… But that’s not bad.

Please remember that whether you have DID/OSDD or not is really and truly of very little importance compared to figuring out how to heal and be present and navigate your life in a way that allows you to live and enjoy living in the present. One mistake that I see very frequently is people ascribing far too much value and importance to whether or not they’re systems rather than whether or not they’re okay.

I know that I’ve gone on tangent after tangent and you’ll have to forgive me— It has been a little bit of a long day. I guess that all of this is to say that worrying about whether you’re correct about your diagnosis isn’t ever going to be helpful for you. Getting help for it is, though. Reach out. Find resources, find a professional, read books on trauma and dissociation. If the help you find doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t. Then it’s time to move on and try a different method! Don’t be discouraged if this happens, as it likely will at some point. It happens to most of us! And it will be okay.

Let me know/know that my DMs/Askbox are always open if you need more specifics or help with the therapy search. ❤️ Please be safe, and have a wonderful night.

[lihikainanea]

hi lei :) I have little request I guess for bill + tiger, I’m not sure if you’ve written something similar. but tiger is having a rough time just with friendships + family. every time she brings up any issues that have been going on in her life, they brush it off as no big deal - kind of, “just get over it” - making her internalize A LOT. & she starts to feel a little of that coldness from bill. but he’s all wrapped up in a new project & didn’t mean anything by it and just shows her in every which way that he listening and he does care. if this sucks i am so sorry -🐝

HELLO SWEET EMOJBEE. Sorry I have let this hang around for so long!

Man, I feel this on a deep level. One of those annoying things (or great things? jury's still out) that happens as you get older is your friends group just...really kind of dwindles. You're lucky if you can count your close friends on one full hand, and maybe that's okay.

And y'know the thing with tiger is that her and Bill are still kind of keeping this big secret, you know? Yes, his family knows. But their friends...their friends still don't know. And like anybody, tiger sometimes gets on Bill's nerves and Bill sometimes annoys the shit out of tiger and when that happens, there's not a whole lot of people that they can vent to about it.

Bill's probably been away for a bit, and that' what kickstarts this whole thing. Tiger really misses him this round. She always really misses him, sure, but when things are hectic with work and the days are getting darker and the weather is getting shittier, sometimes it's extra hard. And she's been mopey and down, not quite herself, and hell you know what? She's even been a little self-absorbed about it because that's okay. When you're feeling down sometimes you can barely manage to claw your way out of your own feelings, let alone take on everybody else's. Tiger has always been a sounding board, for nearly everyone--she's a great listener, she genuinely cares about people, she's incredibly loyal to her close knit group of friends. But that sometimes means that she's a dump truck for everyone's negativity, everyones problems, everything going wrong in all of their lives.

And sometimes she just doesn't have the capacity to take it on.

So she withdraws, gets quiet. And her friends are so wrapped up in their own bullshit that they accuse her of not being present, of being too self-absorbed to listen to them and to lend a supportive hand. For an empath like tiger, that really cuts deep--because all she wants, ever, is just for everyone to be okay and happy. And she tries to hard to be supportive, to be there for her friends, but sometimes she just...she just can't. Mentally, she's tapped out.

So on top of her mopey, sad feelings at really missing her big dude, her totally shitty time at work with a nightmare boss--now her closest support network has gone and like, abandoned her.

Bill's not calling much because he's so busy on set, and this is a big project so tiger tries not to bother him with her own needs.

And you know what I love? I bet, in Bill's absence, she turns to somebody who has every bit of his kindness, his gentleness, his essence. I bet she kind of just shows up on Gustaf's doorstep one evening, soaking wet from the rain, looking a little forlorn and a whole lot down.

And Gustaf? Gustaf knows a lost soul when he sees one. So without a word he just ushers her in, takes her wet coat from her. He grabs a blanket from the couch and throws it over her shoulders as he guides her to the kitchen, where he sets her up on a bar stool and grabs two mugs down from the cupboard.

"I don't know why I'm here," tiger mumbles softly. Gustaf fills up a kettle, plops two tea bags in the mugs before he stirs something on the stove.

"You don't need a reason," he shrugs kindly. He ladles a big spoonful of soup into a bowl, grinds some pepper over it, and slides it to her.

"Want to talk about it?" he offers. Tiger shakes her head solemnly.

"That's okay too," he says. He disappears for a second but when the kettle pops he comes back, pours two mugs and then takes a seat next to tiger and rolls out a mat.

"A puzzle?" she asks. He smiles gently.

"Puzzles are great for getting you to focus on just...anything else," he says, "I was doing one puzzle every few days when I was in rehab."

This one already has some pieces put together--so in silence, while tiger slurps on her soup, the two of them just sit there and start putting it together. Eventually--after an hour, hell maybe 3--tiger's phone buzzes and she jumps. She answers the FaceTime call and Bill's face suddenly floods the screen, with lots of movements--he's walking somewhere, and quickly at that.

"Hey kid," he says, "I don't have much time, just wanted to call to say--where are you?"

His brow furrows and he squints. Tiger looks sheepish even though she shouldn't.

"I'm at Gustaf's," she mumbles. Bill quirks a brow.

"Why are you there? Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm fine," she says, "I just wanted some company."

"Gustaf," Bill says--and it's in that Swedish lilt, and sure enough, he starts yammering in that goofy language a second later. Gustaf leans into the shot, answers in Swedish, and tiger understands nothing.

"Shit kid that's all the time I have," Bill switches back to English, "I'll try and call you later ok? We can talk."

"Ok," she mumbles.

And then he's gone. No love you, no other spoken words, just....gone. Tiger puts her phone down and sighs, and Gustaf pushes a few more puzzle pieces towards her.

"Want to crash here tonight?" he asks.

"I should go home," she says lowly.

"I don't do lots of things I should do," he smirks and god she sees Bill in it. She sighs again.

"He'll be home soon," Gustaf tells her, but tiger shakes her head.

"It's not just him," she mumbles, "It's everyone."

Gustaf doesn't press, because Gustaf never presses. He's comfortable in silence. Tiger doesn't say more--but after another hour, with a big sigh, she stands.

"Offer's still on the table," he says. Tiger manages a wry smile.

"Thanks Gustaf," she says, "For...everything."

She hugs him and he squeezes her in tight.

"Text me when you get home," he says. And she does. She takes a hot shower when she gets in, makes another cup of tea, and she waits for Bill to call.

But he never does.

Tiger is alone for two solid weeks, with no one to talk to. No friends she can lean on because they're all mad at her, her family has never quite been the open type, and by the time Bill gets home tiger is just so isolated, and in emotional torment. Work is horrible, with a brutal boss and she just can't do anything right. Her friends haven't spoken a single word to her in weeks. She's barely gotten the chance to talk to Bill and when she has he's always been on the way to do something else, distracted, cold, aloof.

He gets home and she could just sag in relief, but it feels different than other times right from the start. He's on the phone when he comes in, talking to his agent, and after a month or two of not seeing each other he just puts his hand over the microphone, leans down for a quick peck.

"Agent," he whispers, pointing to the phone, and then tiger is forgotten about again as he makes his way to his office in the back of his apartment.

Tears pool in her eyes but she shrugs it off, angry with herself for being so emotional, and just hauls his suitcases into the laundry room for unpacking. He's in his office for hours, and tiger is just...numb. To everything. By the time he's done she's asleep in bed, all curled up around herself.

The next morning she wakes up, reaches over, and finds...nothing. She half wonders if it was a dream that Bill was home, until she hears him puttering around the apartment. She looks to the nightstand and sees a cup of coffee, so at least there’s that--but it’s lukewarm by now, at best. She sighs.

When she finally gets the courage to get out of bed, she hears him moving around in his office--and she knocks softly, opening the door a second later. Bill’s taping images to the wall, the white board full of scribbles, transforming his office into the psyche of some character like he always does before a big audition or a role.

“Hi,” she stammers. He turns around and smiles.

“Hey kid,” he greets, but he doesn’t move to give her a kiss or a hug--instead he turns, and goes right back to the task at hand.

“Have you been up for long?” she asks.

“A few hours. Jet lag,” he shrugs.

“Are you hungry?” she asks.

“I ate already, whatever I could scrounge up,” he laughs, “When did you last do the groceries?”

And like, usually the sheer lack of food in the house would be met with concern from him, even a light scolding--because it means she’s not taking care of herself. But this one just flies right over his head and he laughs it off.

Tiger just shrugs.

“Well we’ll go this afternoon,” he says as he turns back around, “I think there’s some cereal left.”

And that’s it. He’s back in his own world.

The groceries never happen that afternoon, and in fact, he barely emerges from his office until dinner time. Tiger tries to talk to him, to have a legit conversation, but he kind of shrugs her off.

“I have a wicked headache kid,” he says, “I’m going to turn in early. My inner clock is still all fucked up.”

And with a chaste kiss goodnight, he retreats to the room and tiger retreats ever so further into herself.

This continues for days--and when he finally reaches for her, when she feels his lips on her neck and the closeness of his chest pressed into her back, when she’s finally filled up with him in every way she needs--she cries. Because it’s been so much, for so long, and this is the only bit of closeness she’s felt to someone she cared about in months. But Bill misreads it, or just doesn’t read more into it, and thinks she’s just emotional about the situation at hand.

“Oh sweet girl,” he coos, “I missed you too.”

And all too soon it’s over, he’s asleep, and after months of sleeping alone he’s not used to holding anyone anymore so she drifts from his arms and she’s curled up on her side of the bed--alone again.

At lunch with his family the next day, she gets a worried look and a concerned hug from Gustaf--she looks like hell, just like an absolute shell of a human, and somehow he’s the only one to notice. Bill babbles excitedly about his upcoming auditions, the huge role he just booked, and tiger goes to sit by the fireplace--alone, again.

And like, I’m torn here right--Because how does Bill finally figure it the fuck out? Maybe Gustaf smacks him upside the head and tells him to pay attention. Maybe Bill says something about wanting to have the friend’s group over for dinner and tiger quips that she’s not sure anyone would come because they haven’t spoken to her in months.

But I like this thought that like...tiger kind of just snaps. Bill’s gone on a dude’s night, and maybe it’s there that he gets wind that something is amiss because one of the guys asks how tiger is, and mentions that nobody has seen her in months. And tiger is just having another real bad night, but instead of showing up on Gustaf’s doorstep, maybe she goes somewhere else to get the comfort she needs, somewhere she can scream until her lungs burn.

She goes to the water, and sit’s on Granny’s favourite park bench. Tiger was never one for cemeteries, and neither was granny--in granny’s view, the furthest disconnection you can feel to a person is if you go to the actual cemetery. Spirits and essences are all around, and when tiger needs comfort, she goes to the rickety, old park bench that her and Granny used to sit at for hours. In her final days Granny couldn’t move around too much, couldn’t walk too far, so tiger used to drive her to this spotted help her hobble to the bench, where they’d spend hours talking or just staring out onto the water.

When Bill gets home that night, the apartment is in moderate disarray and tiger is nowhere to be found. But he knows where she is. He grabs a thicker scarf, wraps it around his neck, and then heads out into the night.

He sees tiger’s silhouette illuminated by a streetlamp, and he can already see her shoulders shaking. As he approaches he can hear her deep sobs, and they claw at his chest. He’s careful to make some noise as he approaches so she doesn’t jump, and he just takes a seat next to her on the bench. Her sobs don’t ease, in fact they get a bit worse for a few moments.

“Breathe kid,” he says gently, and he reaches an arm around her shoulders.

“What’s going on tiger?” he asks after a few minutes. Tiger just sniffles, and she looks up at him pitifully.

And damnit it’s the first time he really sees her, and he almost gasps. She looks like hell. How long has she been like this, and he just didn’t realize? Deep, dark circles under her eyes, her cheeks far more hollow than they used to be, this overwhelming presence of sadness and despair just...all over her. Her hair is unwashed, her coat dirty, her nails all chipped and bitten down. He scoots in closer.

“Tiger why haven’t our friends seen you in months?” he asks quietly.

“They’re mad at me,” she whispers.

“Did you guys have a fight?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

And she still has the gall--the fight inside of her--to guffaw at that. Loudly.

“When? In the 3 cumulative minutes that I’ve seen you since you’ve been home?” she snaps.

“I deserve that,” Bill says. And you know, he’s a little taken aback--bu truth be told, he’s also relieved. When tiger still has fire in her, it’s a good sign. If she’s still snapping, it’s a good sign. Complete resignation is harder to deal with, harder to pull her back from.

“Yes you do deserve that,” she barks, “You come home and it’s like you’re still away because you’re just never around--” but her words catch in her throat, and to Bill’s dismay, tiger just sags and starts to cry again. He gets off the bench and crouches in front of her, cupping her face in his hands

“Tiger I’m sorry,” he ducks to catch her gaze and god the sadness he sees there just breaks him. “I’m sorry you’ve been having a hard time, and I’m sorry I’ve been oblivious to it all.”

“It’s been a lot,” she rasps out between sobs, “It’s all been so much.”

He brushes the hair from her eyes, and swipes at her wet cheeks with his thumbs.

“I’m sorry sweet girl, I’m here now,” he murmurs to her, “Really here.”

“Everyone,” she chokes on a sob, “Everyone is mad at me.”

“Tiger can I take you home?” he asks gently, “We’ll talk it all out, okay? I promise sweet girl. Everything. And we’ll figure it out together.”

She nods feebly, and he helps her to her feet. He stops to pull her into his chest for a long hug, just keeping her cradled in there.

“I’m sorry kid,” he mumbles into her hair, “We’ll fix it.”

She lets him guide her home and listen, it’s a loooong few days for them. That night, maybe she can’t do anything other than just cry. She can’t get a word out, can’t explain anything, she just cries--and Bill just holds her. Maybe he can finally coax her into a shower when the majority of her sobs have quieted down, and he’ll wash her hair for her and try to get her to eat a little something or at least get her some tea for her throat. That night he mostly stays awake, just to ensure that she doesn’t get an inch out of his arms--and when she wakes up he’s still there, rubbing her back, murmuring to her. It takes a day or two before she can let it all out, tell him everything that’s been going on, but Bill just waits.

And I’ll bet once she lets it all out--once he lets her stew in it, once he lets her really feel it all--they make a plan. Because Bill’s an action dude. They make a plan for her to reach out to her friends when she feels ready. They make a plan for her to deal with her bullshit boss. Bill does the groceries and stocks the house full of food and starts cooking again, making sure she’s eating and drinking and finally starting to feel like a human again.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello! Can I request a matchup?

I'm a woman in my twenties. And in case it helps, my personality typing is INFJ / 4w5!

I don't appear friendly and I tend to be quiet in front of new people or in new environment; people tend to say that I look arrogant, quiet, or shy when we first meet. But once I click with someone, I cannot stop talking and I love to play clown to make my friends laugh. I love spending my time with my loved ones, those who are important for me, instead of being alone.

I am both passionate and strongly opinionated person, and due to this I think I can be a bit too intense 😂 When I am fond of something, I will be fixated on it and using up all my energy for it. I have a lot of opinions and things I want to know about this world-- and that's also why I love learning things related to politics and society and wishing to have an opportunity to work on that field in the future.

I was raised in a strict and conservative environment, where I cannot freely express myself and escape from supervision. Now that I'm an adult and I have a freedom of my own, I enjoy doing things I couldn't do back then such as travelling to galleries, museums, other cities or countries by myself-- I use it as a media to get to know myself better and spend some quality time with myself.

I am autistic, and even though I have lots of things I love from my autism, I often feel like I cannot genuinely connect to the world around me. I feel like an alien pretending to be a human most of the time. Feeling like I belong to this world as much as everyone else is something I'm working on.

My hobbies are singing, writing poems, and fashion! I love looking good according to my personal aesthetic; aesthetic is very important for me. I love wearing vintage and romantic styles; academia, witchy, laces, or flower patterns. Black clothes and red lipstick are things that stand out the most from my personal fashion style. I also love going out in nature (preferably somewhere high like mountains because I prefer colder weather) and watching flowers-- sunflower is my favourite one.

OKAY it ends up being a whole thesis 😭 I hope you don't mind... Thank you and have a nice day!!! 💕💕💕

I match you with...

Jumin!

You're the kind of person who feels you missed out on something because others were holding you back. It feels like the world has already grown a few steps ahead of you and you're trying to figure out how to get there. But, you're doing your best to reclaim what you feel was taken away from you when you were young.

Sometimes people don't understand you or the way that you interact with the world, so you're looking for somebody who knows you for you. You’re looking for someone like Jumin who is going to light up when he sees you shine. You want somebody like him who knows what it feels like to need others who understand where you're coming from. You don't want a relationship with someone who belittles your interests or makes you feel bad about them. you want somebody who's right there with you cheering along. 

He could listen to you talk for hours about style and fashion. It's not a category he's put much thought into for himself apart from his own preferences, so it's interesting to hear your perspective on it. That's one of the things that makes him happy. It makes him feel good to know that he's learning something about other people every day, and it means even more when he’s learning things about you. Going places with you and learning anything he can is exciting. The two of you thrive in an environment where you don't have to look over your shoulders, rather, you get to look to your side and smile because somebody gets it.