#i am once again attacking the hispanics

[bwobgames]

Quick view of Tommy's level

You can check out Wilburs here!

[moxxie-joestar]

Jojo's bizarre adventure character argument about politics at 1 AM

Character presenting: Joseph joestar, Jotaro kujo, Josuke higashikata (4), Giorno Giovanna, jolyne cujoh, Johnny joestar, gyro zeppeli, Josuke higashikata (8) & jodio joestar

meanwhile at Alcatraz island

Jodio joestar: too early in the morning for this shit. *chugging some cola & saw this post* what the fuck gyro?!

Gyro zeppeli: who's disturbing my morning of peace?! *enters the mess hall/cafeteria of Alcatraz & saw Jodio* Jodio, what do you want? It's 1 AM, why the fuck are you up so early?

Jodio: I want you to use every cell in your brain & figure out why you tweet this shit, man!

Gyro: what?! It's true! Out current President is sucking up to the British, & the brazil are trying to take our county!

Jodio: you do realize that you said is insensitive, right? America isn't about attacking people, you fucking idiot!

Gyro: O/C it is! Who're you to tell me that Robert E.O. Speedwagon was in the wrong? & if we had used guns in Australia, all that shit about the enemies 2fort taking over wouldn't have happened either!

Johnny joestar: what're you boys yappin' about? Don't you know what time it is?

Jodio: this fucker dickhead thinks that we should have attack the 2fort & the gm_construct. He's like, worse than Afghanistan terrorist!

Gyro: it is damn true that if we had nuked them sooner, we would have dominated the entire world & it would have been way better then this dystopia!

Johnny: IDC about them Britain or Brazilian people.

Jodio & gyro: WHAT!?!

Johnny: why should we be concerned over some distant nations? America's dying, we need reshape it to be confederacy once again.

Jodio: are you fucking kidding me right now?!

Johnny: yeah it's the way things were always meant to be, it's natural, that's why we need segregation now, segregation tomorrow, & segregation forever.

Jodio: you should seriously reconsider your words, man. Segregation ain't cool.

Gyro: yeah, & it divides people, not unite them!

Johnny: I can't stand havin' to see a Chinese person, or a Hispanic, claimin' they're the better of me, I can't. & not to mention, black people cause 70% of the crime.

Jodio: you make one more racist word & I'm cancelling you on Twitter, Johnny. I'm not joking.

Johnny: take example of south Africa, it prospered, now it is a shithole filled with incompetent people, That's what happens when you get rid of segregation, son!

Jodio: no, it's failed B/C separating people of skin color was morally wrong in the world, that's why apartheid south Africa failed, nobody liked segregation dude!

Gyro: you also believe in a cause that failed! How's it feel to have your asses kicked by the North, traitor?

Johnny: shut your damn mouths, you two are Yankee sons of bitches!

jolyne cujoh: what the bloody hell are you blokes doin' up at 1 AM in the mornin'?!

Jodio: we're talking about politics here, just go back to bed.

Jolyne: politics?! That's my favorite discussion! I'm lib-right. I love my guns.

Jodio: WTF? You don't need an AR-15 to protect your ass!

Jolyne: what're you talking about I don't have an AR-15 you bloody mongrel! I carry my M16A2 with me. I also carry my launcher, ever heard the song: "keep your rifle by your side" ?

Jodio: that's from fucking game. I can't believe you take that shit seriously girl! Also guns kill a lot of people man as John seed once said: "we'll take your AR-15's"!

Jolyne: oh you want my weapons huh? Well you're gonna have to come & take it, wanker!

Johnny: I won't lie. You don't need those big guns anyway.

Jolyne: yes I fucking do! What if some intruder comes into my house & I didn't have a weapon? WTF am I supposed to do? Call the police? I'll be dead by the second I call them!

Gyro: it's called obeying the law, you australian son of a bitch! Most shootings happen B/C of people like you!

Giorno Giovanna: why are you guys up early?! We were supposed to wake up at 6 AM, not fucking 1 AM!

Jodio: OH shit, it's the drug lord.

Giorno: what did you just called me?!

Jolyne: why are you assuming that he's a drug lord? He could be something else!

Jodio: what? He could be a drug lord, dude!

Gyro: hate to say it, but that libtard's right. We have a drug lord on our army.

Giorno: STOP CALLING ME THAT! I am not a goddamn drug lord! Just B/C I happen to be Italy doesn't mean I am selling drugs of cracks & cocaine! You have no clue what you're talking about what so ever!

Jodio:

calm down dude, it was a joke.

Giorno: no! I am sick of your jokes, Jodio! I want you to quit calling me something that I'm not, as for you, gyro, I want you to quit calling the Jotaro a nazbol, I actually spoke to him & he's the most reasonable person of everybody in this God forsaken army!

Gyro: he is speaks German! He is a Nazi terrorist! You're a drugs leader you're suppose to hate him, you idiot!

Johnny: Giorno ain't no goddamn drug lord, he's one of 'em stinking socialist.

Giorno: I am not a socialist either! I am a democratic technocrat!

Jodio & gyro: a democratic techo-what?

Giorno:technocrat! I believe Dr. Vu's & general Vu's science, science is what will improve us in the future! Not your stupid ideologies & not your pitiful religion either!

Johnny: how dare you criticise God like that! What dumb son of a bitch would take you seriously?!

Giorno: what's wrong with my views?! You're the one who thinks that the divine entity telling you to do something when it doesn't exist! God didn't fuck your mom, YOUR DAD DID!

Johnny: everyone knows that God is what progress us & protect us, not your damn science!

Gyro: & democracy is weak! Just look at the U.S. & how fucked up we now B/C of these politicians!

Giorno: democracy is what makes the individual free! & we need more intelligent people in this world, the only people I would consider intelligent is Jotaro, Joseph, speedwagon & Anthony Smith!

Jodio: yeah gyro! Are you a crazy fascist like that demented Trump?

Gyro: trump? Fascist? Are you joking you hippy bastard? I am a PATRIOT, I believe in United States of America, being the shiny beacon of the motherfucking world! We have a DUTY to spread out great ways overseas! But look at the woke democrats & the crazy foaming republicans! They have lost the way of the true American patriot, now they're making the U.S. A circus & the federal government are the clowns! It's time we get a good old green camo & gold stars makeover in the white house! It's time we have another General like Patton Washington or even poopy me for President!

Jotaro kujo: [RAGE STAR PLATINUM ORA]

Jodio, gyro, Johnny, Jolyne & Giorno: [scared & screams]

Jotaro: for the love of all that is mighty, could you all shut up? I am trying to sleep & you all are SCREAMING LIKE A BONDLE OF SQUALING HOGS!

Jolyne: who the bloody fuck you callin' a 'squaling hogs'?! You're fatty fuck!

Jotaro: Jolyne, I'll duct tape your mouth & tie up your wrists & ankles, so I can use you as a pillow! & you gyro! Knock it off with the terror shit!

Gyro: or what?! You're from Japan, you were SPEAK & disguised as German! You're a terrorist! I should deport you to the HUAC for UN-America attitude for this!

Jotaro: gyro for the last goddamn time just B/C I was disguised & speak a German, DOESN'T MEAN I AM A FUCKING TERRORIST!

Giorno: yeah! & you need to STFU with your anti-terrorist rhetoric! It's getting pretty old! WE'RE SICKING TIRED OF YOUR GODDAMN SHIT! You think some douchebag like speedwagon is always 100% right, he didn't even have proof of any terrorist imfiltration, that's how irrelevant he was! He was a useless fuck in the end!

Gyro: irrelevant? As irrelevant as Islamist terrorist & North Korean were in their times compared to President Eisenhower!

Jodio: he wasn't even the President at the time, that was, Truman, you fucking idiot!

Johnny: at least he didn't consider ending segregation like Eisenhower did!

Gyro: Johnny joestar, you're more racist than goddamn Trump, you know that? At least the military isn't segregated it's integrated & filled with virtuousness by our merit in history!

Jotaro: speedwagon was no better than Arabs & the Islamic or North Korea & the nuke missile! Targeting anyone & everyone who was even slightly against his ideals! Throwing allegations left & right or even on the slightest "abnormal" behavior to eliminate anyone who could politically challenge him!

Josuke higashikata (4): what in the bloody fuck's goin' on 'ere?! You guys woke me up & made me all sober! Now I can't get comfortable!

Jotaro: everyone is arguing about politics & ideologies. Gyro is also up to his bullshit again & calling me a terrorist & Giorno a drug lord.

Josuke (4): gyro. I know we're best buddies... But arguing about politics at this time of night gets you a lot of headaches. Trust me, lad.

Johnny: & Giorno is saying that religion doesn't matter! That idiot is literally ignoring meral & ethics! We need those & God on our life to be righteous!

Josuke (4): you don't speak on behalf of the lord, ya bloody racist! He loves everybody as equals!

Jotaro: & just B/C Giorno is a atheist doesn't mean he has abandoned his morals & ethics! You don't need to be religious to have those, you know that right?

Jodio: if gyro is a fascist, & Johnny's a confederate racist, jolyne's a lib-right pro-arms dickhead & Giorno is a scientists... Which I don't know think is an actual ideology, then what you two's beliefs?!

Jolyne: the big boi dad is probably a terror, or a tsarist, IDK...

Jodio: WTF is a "tsarist"?!

Gyro: I'm not a fascist you libtard! I'm an advanced for military intervention in politics!

Giorno: that's exactly what fascism is, you stupid dummkopf!

Gyro: oh shut up you drug lord, you're not even democratic you're a scientists whatever that means.

Giorno: for the last time, I AM NOT A GODDAMN DRUG LORD!! I AM A FUCKING TECHNOCRAT!

Josuke (4): I am a socialist democrat, I believe in equality for everybody, it has free healthcare & free shit that everyone would want to get.

Jodio: WTF is that? Socialism? Are you a Bernie bro or something?

Jotaro: OKAY! ALL OF YOU! SHUT UP! NOW! first off, Jodio, think of a monarchy as the eastern European version of a monarchy or empires. Second off, Jolyne, I'll wring your fucking neck if you call me a terrorist like gyro has been doing. & lastly. I am a menshevik. I support the established of a Japanese Republic!

Gyro: ohh a Republican, you can't fool me with those terms it's a JAPANESE EMPIRES republic, eh?

Johnny: now that's a good one gyro.

Giorno: you people are such childish kids!

Jotaro: gyro, you have NO. IDEAL. how much I recent the Japan emperor & what it has done. What it has done to Japan. What it has done to me. What it has done to my family!

Gyro: yeah & so what? Why should I believe you? I've never met Japan that hated emperor, you're probably just lying!

josuke (4): gyro I hate havin' to see you like this, but need I remind you that we're on the red army, again?

Gyro: WHAT?!?

Jodio: oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, pls/plz don't actually tell him that again!

Gyro: I hope Jonathan joestar & Washington is watching me...B/C this is how true patriot deals with terrorist~ better dead...than red.

Jolyne: you remember the last time he went terrorist attack at Nazi Germany & Bolsheviks Russian? He was having a terrorism breakdown. Don't mess him up like that, mate.

Josuke (4): gyro don't think about it!

Jodio: oh shit WTF is he gonna do?!!

Gyro: [ULTIMATE UNITED STATES OF AMERICAN RAGE]

Joseph joestar:

SHUUUUUUUUUT THE FHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK UP!

What are you fucking imbeciles doing awake at 1 AM? WE HAVE TO TAKE OVER THE 123 SUNSET STREET STUDIO/MFN STUDIO IN THE FUCKIN' MORNING, & YOU ALL ARE AWAKE?!?

Jodio: my fucking ears, Joseph why did you have to yell so fucking loud?!

Joseph: mind your tongue or I'll cut it out!

Jotaro: believe me gramps. I am just as annoyed you are. They're all arguing about politics & ideologies. IDK how it started, but it all woke me up too.

Joseph: so this is what the whole screaming was about?! POLITICS?!? You all are the most EMBARRASSING character I have EVER worked with! this is the third time this week the screaming! Can we sleep for one goddamn night?! I AM SICK OF HAVING TO WAKE UP TO SEE THAT SOME IMBECILE HAS SOMETHING TO SCREAM ABOUT!

Gyro: & what about YOU new Yorkers? Do you follow a particular ideology different than mine? It so, you would be wrong as only a strong stratospheric government will enrich & stabilize our country from outside & inside threats! Hahaha!

Joseph: you want to prolong the argument? Fine, I'll have to remind you about what truly matters! You seek to rule over the badlands with your so-called "stratocracy" when you can't even tell what planet we were on! You once told me that we were on the goddamn MOON at one point! You think that by running the badlands under a military dictatorship, you'll prosper?! Need I remind you that you're under service of fucking speedwagon foundation?!!? BY MAKING YOUR OWN GODDAMN NATION, YOU'RE ACTIVELY BETRAYING THE JOESTAR COMPANY! YOU'RE BREAKING THE CONTRACT THAT YOU, SIGNED TO FIGHT FOR. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SCREAMING TOP OF MY LUNGS & RAISING MY VOICE, AT THE GODDAMN PERSON WHO THINKS HE'S IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY! I SNUCKED INSIDE THE GODDAMN ANTHONY D. SMITH'S OFFICE, YOU DICKHEAD, YOU'RE NOT A REAL SOLDIER! YOU NEVER WERE INSIDE THE AMERICAN FORCES, YOU'RE A CIVILIAN IN SOLDIER CLOTHING! YOU WERE NEVER PART OF THE MILITARY, YOU NEVER PART OF THE AMERICA ITSELF!

Jodio: Jesus Christ, Joseph calm down! Okay, if Jotaro is a menshevik or...democratic, & the Josuke is a socialist, then what you Joseph?

Joseph: I am a corporate, I went to central America to make deals with the SCP foundation there. I also recently purchase slaves in the underworld market, I am also human trafficker leader. Just recently I made sales on guns, M.R.E, first aid kit & more I made from working with speedwagon foundation. I have a lot of stand arrows & requiem arrow was made by meteorite from cape york, Greenland since 50,000 BCE to trade. As long as I'm interested into whatever you're offering me.

Johnny: hot damn cousin, you got anything to sell?

Josuke (4): you own people which is morally wrong! How dare you make money off of helpless people, while also sitting on half of the world's money!?

Gyro: I knew it from the stars that you were a goddamn globalist piece of scumbag shit, Joseph! Almost everybody here would fucking hate you!

Jodio: yeah & we murder enemies, not exploit people, you fucking corporatist!

Gyro: you're a coward hiding behind your money, you deserve to die just B/C you follow that ideal!

Josuke (4): I don't agree on him dyin' but he should definitely be beaten up! What do ya say lads?!

Jotaro: Josuke, are you crazy?! We can't fight our team!

Johnny: not to mention, y'all are getting uppity at his ideals, y'all are pathetic.

Giorno: oh so says the overzealot religious man who thinks God does everything he tells him to do!

Jolyne: quit mocking us Christmas, you fucking atheist nerd!

Joseph: oh yeah?! I can take everyone of you on, on gun on your head & you're fucking dead!

Josuke higashikata (8): [angry Japanese]

Jodio: holy shit, gappy we didn't mean to wake you up sailor!

Josuke (8): [growing Japanese]

Gyro: WTF dose Japanese arsonist want?!

Josuke (4): we were just talkin' politics... Nothing too serious, right lads?

Jolyne: yeah, what he said.

Josuke (8): [asking to join]

Jodio: oh, you wanna join us? Well, what's your ideal?

Josuke (8): [tell about my politics]

Jodio: WHAT? ANARCHIST?! gappy that's a terrible idea!

Joseph: you're an anarchist?!? [Laughter] that's fucking hilarious!

Jolyne: I got jarate (taught by Vaggie) here if something goes horrible wrong, lads.

Josuke (8): [angry Japanese about society being terrorist]

Jodio: okay this is not good in here uh.

Jotaro: gappy! Don't you dare!

[Roundabout by yes playing]

⬅ TO BE CONTINUED ⬛

Original name was (TF2 15.AI) The RED TEAM debate over ideologies politics at 4 AM

[dontmeantobepoliticalbut]

In a Texas Democratic primary between an anti-abortion Democrat whose home and office were raided by the FBI and a young, progressive, pro-choice woman, top House Democrats—including Speaker Nancy Pelosi—are going with the former.

Even after it became clear this week that the Supreme Court is apparently planning to overturn Roe v. Wade.

Rep. Henry Cuellar, a longtime Democratic congressman from Texas’ 28th Congressional District, won a plurality of support in the March primary over Jessica Cisneros, a progressive 28-year-old immigration lawyer whom Cuellar narrowly defeated in 2020. They’ll face each other in a runoff election on May 24 to decide the Democratic nominee, which Democrats view as key to their slim chances of maintaining a House majority next year.

The conservative Cuellar is avowedly anti-choice, one of the few Democrats left in the House who fits that description. Last year, he was the only House Democrat to vote against the Women’s Health Protection Act, which would protect abortion access as a matter of federal law and was passed after Texas banned abortion after six weeks.

“It’s called conscience: I am a Catholic, and I do believe in right to life, and it’s just a conscience,” Cuellar told reporters in October. “Sometimes people vote because of [politics], they think just because [it’s a] Democratic or Republican issue, for me it’s just a matter of conscience.”

Cuellar has been endorsed by top House Democrats including Speaker Nancy Pelosi and House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn, as well as the Congressional Hispanic Caucus, whose campaign arm funded attacks on Cisneros in 2020. Pelosi’s political action committee gave Cuellar $4,000 in December, according to FEC records.

Cisneros, on the other hand, is vehemently pro-choice, and has been endorsed by reproductive rights advocacy groups such as NARAL and EMILY’s List, as well as progressive politicians such as Sens. Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Cisneros slammed Cuellar after his vote last year.

“Once again, Henry Cuellar has refused to stand up for South Texans’ reproductive freedom and the constitutional right to abortion care,” Cisneros said in a statement to the Texas Tribune. “Even after our state’s Republican leaders just passed the country’s most extreme ban—ending almost all abortion access in Texas with no exceptions after 6 weeks—our Congressman refuses to defend us and our reproductive rights.”

Cuellar has also been plagued by questions about his integrity. In January, the FBI raided his home and office in connection with an investigation into ties between Azerbaijan and U.S. companies and groups. Records related to Cuellar and his wife were subpoenaed, ABC News reported in January, but his lawyer told Fox News last month that Cuellar is not the target of the investigation.

But even with the FBI raid and his almost total opposition to abortion rights, Cuellar is continuing to receive enthusiastic support from the House Democratic leadership. Clyburn, the third-ranking House Democrat, who wields major influence in national Democratic politics, is set to campaign for Cuellar in a get-out-the-vote event on Wednesday in San Antonio.

Reached for comment Tuesday, a Clyburn spokesperson told VICE News that Clyburn is “still planning to be with Rep. Cuellar tomorrow.”

Pelosi, who campaigned for Cuellar in the final days of the 2020 primary, reaffirmed her support for the Texas congressman in March after Cisneros forced Cuellar to a runoff.

“I support my incumbents,” Pelosi said during a press conference in Austin on the anniversary of the Affordable Care Act’s passage. “I support every one of them, from right to left. That is what I do.” (Pelosi’s office did not immediately respond to a request for comment from VICE News on Tuesday.)

Pelosi’s majority is likely to narrow even before November, when polls show the Democrats are likely to lose control of Congress. On Tuesday, New York Gov. Kathy Hochul picked U.S. Rep. Antonio Delgado as her Lieutenant Governor, meaning two Democratic seats will be vacant. Another, in a district neighboring Cuellar’s in Texas, could potentially flip to the GOP.

Though the abortion bill Cuellar voted against ultimately passed the House, it failed to advance in the Senate in February because some Senate Democrats refused to break the filibuster. (In the leaked draft of his opinion, Justice Samuel Alito wrote that the court should “heed the Constitution and return the issue of abortion to the people’s elected representatives.”)

But in the wake of the leak of the draft opinion, Democrats-despite holding both chambers of Congress and the presidency right now-are pitching their majorities as the only way to protect abortion access.

“It’s not about filibuster, size of the Court, or what the Senate hasn’t passed. It’s about Republicans, not us,” Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney, the chair of the House Democrats’ campaign arm, tweeted Tuesday. “We can save our freedoms. But, it’s November, stupid.”

President Joe Biden echoed this sentiment ina statement on the leak.

"If the Court does overturn Roe, it will fall on our nation's elected officials at all levels of government to protect a woman's right to choose," said Biden, who supported a constitutional amendment overturning Roe v. Wade early in his career and repeatedly voted to ban federal funding for abortions before reversing his position as president.

"And it will fall on voters to elect pro-choice officials in November."

[theblasianwitch]

Being the light skinned one of the family has its perks in society, but it also comes with a lot of anxiety.

Before interacting with me quiet a lot of people mistook me for Spanish. No one thought I was Black until I wore my braids. The only people that know I'm Asian in any way are my family and close friends. Not once growing up did I ever have Asian friends. Not because I didn't want any, but because of the prejudice that exists within the community. Even in my own family. Asians interact, befriend and date other Asians is a thing instilled into our thinking from our parents. The only reason I am mixed and my mom is quick to support this, is because her mother died before even meeting my father and after her mother's death her father went completely silent. My father was Black Jamaican.

Those that stayed in Jamaica have mixed children themselves, but what I've noticed in America is that mixing, while rare in all races and backgrounds, the families never truly recover or accept it. There is still prejudice to fight within your own family. And if you happen to be a single mother now with a mixed baby (my mother and my mother in law) you don't get much support from your family, and if you do you grow up in an environment where it seems a lot of blame and hatred is on you, the mixed child. The product of what they deem shouldn't be. Meaning you shouldn't exist.

How does this tie to my light skin? Well I managed to be able to hide amongst my Hispanic group of friends just by my looks alone and if I grow close to some they eventually find out the truth. Thankfully some stayed my friends but others showed their true colors and those who are the more aggressive type and accepted me tended to stand up for me. I had to battle with myself and my identity my whole life and mask my racial identity amongst people who were suppose to be my friends. Now for the last couple years I have been chipping away at the mask and being more accepting of myself, my culture and the upbringing I have experienced.

Why am I saying all this now? Because since 2020 too many things have been colliding. Especially for my now family. What appeared to be a height in the Black Lives Matter Movement had me fearing for my darker siblings, my son and my spouse. The Asian hate attacks had me fearing for my mom. The presence of both at once had me fearing for my life and even getting victimized myself at my job. I was a teacher. Parents had it out for me and my job and even convinced some of their kids to join the attack. Despite the few kids that stood up for me and I enjoyed teaching, in the end I did have to leave for my own safety and sanity... And now this whole thing with abortion laws possibly being overturned has gotten me. In the midst of a time where we cannot afford to have a child and before the news even happened my spouse and I discusses abortion as an option if I were to get pregnant again. Not only for my health (I lost an ovary with my first pregnancy) and my spouse's health (their mental health has been spiralling down alongside their physical health) but our financial situation as well (we live with my mom and currently still can't find a job in a red state as a Black and Asian and a Black trans person).

I don't know what purpose my story serves but I was compelled to share it. Maybe there's a lesson to be learnt here. Maybe hope to inspire or to show the type of people who are impacted by everything going on. Either way, we are here. We exists. We are human. No one should have a right to our bodies. No human should be treated as less than. This world is more than just cis gendered straight white conservative christian men and it's about time they notice that. I am tired. After everything thats been going on. Everything I've been through. I am tired of not being heard and this mama panda sure as hell will not sit quietly anymore if faced with this shit again. And before anyone dares say "go back to where you came from" unless you are a Native Indigenous person you have no right to say it. Humans are a migratory species. We keep moving and striving for better. And right now "the greatest country on earth" is a fucking joke and could burn for all I care. Sometimes I wonder if thats what the virus was really for. Darwanism trying to take out the old right thinking non progressing ideals of a ruling generation that has accumulated too much power and has overstepped their boundaries. Fuck off.

✨💛 The Blasian Witch 💛✨

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I - ALMOST - HAD - A - HEART

ATTACK - 15 MIN - AGO - NOW

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MONEY - 4 - DELI - FRIED CKN

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LONG - 10 INCHES - MORE

INSTEAD - OF 3 INCH - YES

ABOVE - SUPER EXPENSIVE

ARRIVES - TOMORROW

CAMILLUS HOUSE

THEY KICKED - ME - OUT

THEY - WANTED - 2 - THROW

PACKAGES - ON MY - FACE 2

BATTERY - AND - ASSAULT

LIKE - MY - PHILIPPINE

ADOPTED - FATHER - WAS

WATCHING - LITTLE HOUSE

ON - THE - PRAIRIE - AND HE

GOT - HIS - SLIPPER - AND HIT

MY - HEAD - HOLE ON - FORE

HEAD - TIRED OF - SUBJECT

RAN - 2 - GRANDPA - NO MORE

FUEL - SHOOT - HIM - HAVE TO

GO - 2 - MAKATI MEDICAL CTR

CHARGE - ON - THEM

HE - SHOT - MY - ADOPTED

DAD - TWICE - SO - THERE

ME - HIS - 1ST - GRANDCHILD

THEN - WE - WENT - 2 - PARIS

WHAT - DO - U - WANT - FR

PARIS - GRANDPAPA - HE

TOLD - ME - GOT - HIS THEIR

MACAROONS - NICE - TELL

TEACHERS - WHAT - WENT

ON - GONE - 4 - 3 MONTHS

ABOVE - IS - ONLY - 6 LBS

PUT - IN - SMALL - BAG

OTHER - 15 LBS - DESTROYING

SIDES - OF - TENT - HEAVY

AND - LONG - EASY - 2 - YES

ASSEMBLE - NO - COT - WHY

THOSE - BECOME - FLAT YES

FAST - USING - AIR MAT WITH

MANDATORY - TWIN - FITTED

SHEET - OR - WILL FREEZE U

ABOVE - IS - BEST - INCLUDES

FREE - OVERNIGHT DELIVERY

THE - PRICE - TENT - IS GREEN

75.6 - LENGTH

TENT - 86.5 - INSIDE

MAT - 77 INCH - OVER 9 INCH

LEFT - NICE - ROOM - LEFT

SO - LIKE - GREEN FOREST

[swagging-back-to]

also i am once again expressing my absolute disdain for the labels of black, brown, and white. Yall cant name even half of the specific locations and ethnicities that make up "black" "brown" and "white" groups.

it's so fucking harmful to so many people, but as a hispanic latina i've noticed that hispanics and latines definitely have some of the worst of it. I've had multiple government officials fill out my information for me and just mark me down as "white" (whatever the fuck that means) without asking me if that's even correct -- just because i dont fit the stereotype of "brown" hispanics. they have fought me on it when i reply 'actually, i'm not white'. i've had multiple of them try to pry where i was "actually from, if that's the case"

I've seen multiple latines be literally attacked and assaulted because they refused to say they're white and people who thought they had any authority in affirming "whiteness" or "blackness" thought they were just "culturally appropriating" based off of 1% in a dna test result

just STOP.

[91percentpynch]

jean moreau x pride months

happy pride month kids, here‘s some wholesome jerejean content for your soul!! does this make any sense? no. is it a mess? yes. hope you enjoy this!!

the first pride month

it‘s the beginning of june and jeremy starts acting weird

he smiles more, the real smile normally reserved for winning an exy game or when he‘s alone with jean

he started drawing flags on his face or on his eye lids, jeremy never wore make-up, not more than his usual eyeliner and nail polish

„what does that mean?“, jean asks, pointing at the flags on his cheeks.

„the pink, yellow, blue one means i‘m pan. you know, i like more than one gender, i told you that already. and the grey, purple, white and black one that looks like an arrow? that means i‘m demisexual, you know how i only feel sexual attraction to people i have a bond with? that‘s demisexual. those are pride flags, it‘s pride month. didn‘t you know that?“

of course jean didn‘t know, after all he was locked up in a bassement for 10 years and he didn‘t exactly talk the first time he came over here last year at the end of june.

„what‘s pride month?“, jean asked softly, knowing that jeremy would never judge him, never think he was stupid.

„it‘s a month for lgbtqa+ folks. that stands for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender, questioning, asexuals, aromantics and everything inbetween. we celebrate ourselves this month, show how proud we are of ourselves and our community. we celebrate marsh johnson, the black transgender, gay sex worker who started the riots, stonewell, and basically threw a brick at a police officer and started the fight for gay rights“

„how do you know you‘re not straight?“, jean asked quietly. thinking about the way his mind keeps wandering back to jeremy, keeps wandering back to the thought of kissing him, holding his hand, the feeling of his soft, badly dyed ginger hair between his fingers.

„well i always payed more attention to the personality, than the gender. i never really cared what‘s between the legs. and it took me quite a while to figure out that i only feel sexual attraction to people when i have a connection to them“

„have you ever kissed a guy?“, jean asked, curiously now. in the nest it was forbidden, but kevin wanted to try it once, in the dark of the night, the saftey of their room. jean couldn‘t tell if he enjoyed it or not, he never really felt any kind of attraction really. only bone deep fear. burning anger. and whatever the fuck his heart was doing when kevin held him close.

„yeah, i had a boyfriend throughout highschool, sophmore year until the end of summer of our senior year. and then freshman year of college i had this girlfriend who was really controlling and yeah. that‘s it. have you?“, his voice was soft, it reminded jean of the sunlight forming some kind of halo behind jeremy.

„kevin wanted to try it once. riko caught us. that‘s how it began“, jean replied, a shadow crossing over both his and jeremy‘s face. in a moment of weakness, at the beginning, jean told jeremy what they did to him in the nest, after jeremy accidentally touched him from behind.

„do you want to try it again?“, jeremy asked, a small smile on his lips. „with me, that is“, he added, barely audible.

„okay“, jean replied, leaning in.

jean was a couple inches taller than jeremy, and jeremy had to stand on his tiptoes to close the last few inches between them.

it was a soft kiss, a different than the stolen ones from kevin. better. these tasted like sunlight, like warmth, like home.

jean kissed jeremy back. carefully, softly, being scared he would break him, destroy him with his darkness.

„how was it?“, jeremy smiled at him after they were done, exchanging kisses, not stealing them. they were equals, no one would hurt him for wanting this

„i think i‘m only attracted to you“, jean admitted quietly. „but like not sexually. i don‘t like sex. never did. i never thought anyone was sexually attractive, i never wanted this and i still don‘t. i‘m sorry“

„you don‘t have to apologize, jean. that‘s being called asexual, the lack of sexual attraciton that is. and the not wanting sex part? sex repulsed. very valid. i will never be like them, i will never force you to do anyhting you‘re not comfortable with“

„and what if you miss having sex and want it and i can‘t give it to you?“, jean asked, tears burning behind his eyes. „i‘m not worth of your light, your warmth, your love as it is. i‘m broken, i‘m dark, i‘m everything you don‘t deserve. you deserve someone who is fixed and happy and can give you the entire world and go places without a panic attack and and and“

„ssh, jean. it‘s alright. it‘s alright. i want you. no one but you. i really, really like you and i am glad you like me to. you‘re not broken, you‘re not dark. you are wonderful. and no one is fixed, we‘re all a little broken in our own ways. i struggled with an eating disorder. i have adhd. sometimes i feel a little sad without any reason and can‘t get out of bed. sometimes i can‘t sleep and other days i could sleep for days. i don‘t need the entire world, i just need you“

it was this june, about a year after jean arrived in california, that he not only found a person who saw more in him than his scars, but a person who loved him not despite of them but for them

the second pride month

it‘s been a year since jean and jeremy kissed for the first time. a year full of highs and lows, fights and making up, miscommunication and cuddles, sweet kisses and ones tasting of tears. but it was also the year jean figured out that he might not be a boy after all.

„do you ever feel like you‘re not a entirely a boy?“, jean asked softly, threading his fingers through jeremy‘s soft blonde hair.

„dude, i‘m genderfluid, remember? alvarez bursted in our room and threw these in our face so people could refer to me with the right pronouns“

„that‘s why you changed your middle name to sol isn‘t it? because you like the sun and you like your hispanic heritage and it‘s a female name?“

„exactamente mi corazón“

„what are you today?“, jean asked softly, as he did every day.

„they/them, i don‘t feel like a guy or a girl today. just vibing“

„i- i think i‘m not entirely a boy either. like i know i was born as a boy and i‘m okay with that. but i feel like there‘s more to that. i can‘t put it in words but i think i want to try to go by he/ they. what do you call those people who don‘t quite find in the binary? i think i‘m that“

„that‘s nonbinary darling. i‘m proud of you. you‘re doing great“

jean didn‘t know how to repeat to that so he just decided to pull jeremy closer to him.

this pride month jean found a little part of himself, another puzzle piece to the mystery that his own person and it felt like a tiny little step towards a future he never dreamt he would have.

it was also the month he started wearing nail polish, because he loved the look on jeremy‘s face when they did them. occasionally he will wear some eyeliner.

the third pride month

another year passed, this year jean got himself a support dog. to help with the anxiety attacks. to help him heal.

it‘s a dalmatiner, called luna. she was trained to feel when he is uncomfortable and come closer to him, licking his hands, being close, being there

it is also the month he wanted to join jeremy for pride

„what are you today?“

„a girl i think. jeremy or sol are both fine“

„will you draw the flags on my face?“, he asked on the day of the parade.

„are you sure you want to go honey?“, sol asked softy, while she went to the bathroom to get her things.

„would i have asked if it wasn‘t moi amour?“, jean replied. „wait hold on, don‘t answer that“, he laughed looking at jeremy‘s face.

„but i‘m sure. first of all it makes you happy. second of all you missed it the last two years. third of all it will piss kevin off and i love that almost as much as i love. and lastly i have luna, she makes sure i‘m fine and i can always leave when i feel uncomfortable“

„okay, babe. what do you want me to do?“

„i want my flags on my face and maybe you can do my nails“, jean replied, smiling at jeremy as he did ever so often. „cover the tatoo, will you?“, he asked softly, touching the cursed three, counting the days for his cover up appointment in july.

„it‘s soon gone honey. it‘s gonna be alright“, jeremy whispered, feeling the tension in jean‘s shoulders.

„which color do you want your nails? mine are pastel rainbow look! alvarez got me those for my birthday last month! do you want matching nails?“

„whatever you want darling, you can choose“

„neat!“

this year jeremy‘s hair were a soft pink. it was 2 am when he bursted into the room whisper shouting „jean i‘m gay i must do something drastic to my hair. help me?“ and who was jean to question his beautiful date mate.

so jeremy took jean‘s face carefully in his hands, starting to draw jean‘s pride flags (demiromantic, asexual, nonbinary) on his face, hiding his tattoo underneath the black/ white/grey/ purple stripes of the asexual pride flag.

„they have no power over you anymore mi corazón. and if anyone gives you shit i will come for them“, jeremy whisperes against jean‘s lips before softly kissing them. „and now give me your beautiful hands so i can do your nails. i‘m feeling a pastel rainbow“

for the parade jean is wearing one of the shirts jeremy got him. it‘s yellow with a rainbow on it. „so you have a little brightness in your life“, he would tell him when he go it for him. it was before they started dating. it was before jean was able to tell him „but you are the brightest thing in the world and somehow you chose me as your person“, paired with light blue ripped jeans and his yellow fans. they started wearing yellow when they came to california, cutting off black completely, replacing it with colors and brightness.

jeremy on the other hand wore rainbow dungarees with a white shirt and white doc martens. his hair was up in two space buns, little pride flags put into them.

„do you think they get the hint?“, she smiled with a blinding smile.

„you‘re so unbelieveably beautiful sol“, jean replied.

they got luna and went to the parade.

it was scary, yes. but it was also beautiful.

people approaching them, asking for selfies, talking to him.

at first he was a bit anxious, but sol took their hand and luna licked his feet and it was alright. no one was hurting him. no one would punish him. he was surrounded by pride and love and happiness.

at some point he asked a girl with rainbow hair, she reminded him of renee, if she could take a picture of him and jeremy. she said yes, took one of them smiling, one of them kissing, and one of them where jeremy just smiled at his person.

it was the pride month he came out via social media. it was the pride month kevin called at two am, telling him how happy he was for them. that he himself found a boy, fell for him, but is too much a coward to do something about it. it‘s the year where he gets a lot of love, many fans telling him how proud they are of him and at least the same amount of hate. but it was alright. they had jeremy and that was all that truly mattered.

now

year after year they returned to the pride parade, with flags on their faces, or around their shoulders

sometimes neil and andrew or aaron and kevin would join them, sometimes they would go with laila and alvarez and sometimes jean and jeremy would go on their own

after college jean quit exy, jeremy went pro and gave his money to moriyamas, while jean opened his own tattoo studio, wrote songs, wrote crappy poetry and slightly better novels, tried himself as a part time model and fashion designer

they found happiness and home in each other and celebrated their love not only in pride but also every single day of the year

jean and jeremy got more dogs, an apartment of their own with big windows so they could watch the sunrise and sunset together

they have their ups and downs, like every other couple, but that doesn‘t matter. never did. what truly matters is that they keep finding back to each other. that they keep ending up in the same bed, in each others arms.

jean moreau never believed in love, never believed in soulmates and yet he found their soulmate, found the love of his life. and they are happy they stayed, kept fighting, to find this. to make a difference to the world. to be finally free. to be alive, living instead of only existing.

„jean?“, jermey says, fidgeting with his fingers.

„what is it moi soleil?“, jean relies getting lost in these ocean blue eyes.

„do you remember what happened five years ago?“, jeremy asks, his eyes looking anywhere but jean.

„we kissed for the first time?“, jean answers, panic slowly crawling through his veins.

„exactly so i thought we could celebrate this at the beach. you know, where our first date was?“, jeremy says nervously.

„honey are you alrighgt?“, jean is getting more and more worried, jeremy has never been that nervous.

„sure, come on mi corazón“

so jean slowly gets up and carefully puts on his shoes. something is weird here, something is wrong

jeremy seems off the entire ride to the beach they had their first date at.

when they arrive jean takes jeremy‘s hand, noticing that they are shaking ever so slightly. it is something like a nervous tick of them.

jean and jeremy arrive at the beach in time to watch the sun setting, making place for her lover the moon.

jean looks over to jeremy, when they suddenly get up and start pacing.

„jer, you‘re scaring me. please tell me what‘s going on up there“, jean says touching his head lightly.

„okay. i can do this“, jeremy mumbles as he gets down on his knee. „jean moreau, you are the love of my life. the light of my existence. ever since i saw you for the first time i knew i liked you, more than i was supposed to. i never dared to hope you would ever like me, or love me for that matter, but somehow you did. somehow you didn‘t turn away when i told you i‘m demi or pan or genderfluid. you stayed. you supported me. you love me. and i want to spend the rest of my life with you, so do me the favour and in the name of god, should they exist, do me the favour and marry me“

jean feels tears running his cheeks. „of course i will marry you, you loser“, he laughs, as he pulls jeremy down to him and connects their lips together. and it feels like their first kiss. it always does. and they would do that for the rest of their lives.

[grimessbitch]

Can you do a Daryl Dixon x Hispanic reader where she doesn’t know much English and daryl learns the best he can and helps and they slowly fall for eachother

I’ve literally been so excited to do this one! Although if I get any translations wrong please forgive me, I’m using what I’ve learned in my Spanish class and what Google tells me. Again my Spanish isn’t that great because I’m still only in Spanish 1 but I tried my best and I really really hope you like it.

Warnings: language, soft! Daryl, Merle being a racist dickhead

Word count: 1.6k

“Daryl, te juro que eres el hombre más estúpido que he conocido, y he conocido a Merle“ You snapped as you watched the man who was in your group crawl through the window of the store, it was giant and of course the idiot just had to break the biggest window the loudest way possible. “I dunno what you’re saying” he grumbled watching Merle walk in front of him. You were forced to team up with Shane Walsh’s group after you had managed to make it back into America from your abuela’s house, you were originally paired up with a few others from your town but once you got to Atlanta your group was attacked by another group of survivors leaving only you and your little cousin to find Shane’s camp. You yanked Daryl’s vest meeting his glare with yours “you. dumbass” You snapped walking ahead of him starting to pull the blankets and other camping supplies down and shoved them into your bag. “Swear shoulda just left the bitch to die. they’re only good for kinky sex” You heard Merle grunt under his breath, you couldn’t understand most of what he was saying, only understanding ‘good for sex, and bitch die’ You marched over punching the older Dixon watching blood pour out of his nose “Crazy fucking bitch!” He yelled in pain pulling his arm back ready to hit you back but Daryl’s hand wrapping around his wrist stopped him “Don’t fuckin try it, she’s a woman you ass” He growled before shoving you both forward towards the food section where you’d scavenge that for the next two hours.

-

The next run you would have with Daryl wouldn’t be for the next few years, he had told Rick and Shane that you made the runs harder because he couldn’t understand you, you would’ve just thought that Daryl hated you if it weren’t for Rick translating the best he could, you were grateful for Rick, Carl and now Michonne, who recently joined the group, you were also grateful that Merle had disappeared, he hated your guts and you hated his, not to mention after Merle left Daryl changed for the better. 

Whenever you finished the run you sat against the prison walls looking at Daryl “Hola... usted hizo un buen trabajo” He mumbled a little confused trying his best, you giggled at his attempt to speak Spanish although secretly your heart swelled “tú-..You..too?” You said smiling at him, and you could practically see his face light up in pure joy whenever he realized you could understand what he was saying and that you replied in the best english you could. You smiled back at him standing up glancing at your left hand that was now wrapped in a bandage “You okay?” He asked raising his eyebrows nodding towards your hand “estoy bien” You said nodding making an okay symbol with your good hand before walking inside, Daryl walking over to Rick probably to talk about what you two found. You stopped in front of Daryl’s little hut type room, you knew you’d be in deep shit if you got caught snooping but you were curious. Slowly peeking inside of the box smiling brightly whenever you saw a small book you’d pick up at a gift shop ‘Spanish to English translator’ So Daryl really was trying to learn. Hearing heavy footsteps and Rick and Daryl’s voices you darted out and to your own cell sitting on the bed smiling. 

-

It had been months after you found Daryl’s book, You laid on your bed staring at the empty top bunk that had no mattress, Your body felt weak and you were so tired, staying outside all day trying to clear the horde of zombies that broke through the gate, and boy did you know Daryl was pissed off that you managed to speed past him to help Rick and Carl. Speaking of who Daryl stood in your doorway with his arms crossed glaring at you “usted podría haber muerto, y/n” He grunted, you wanted to be angry at him for treating you like a baby but everytime Daryl talked to you in Spanish it made your heart swell and you couldn’t help but feel your face heat up. “ Pero no lo hice, y debes entenderlo. No tengo cinco años, no necesitas cuidarme todo el tiempo de mierda, soy un adulto, gracias Daryl por querer protegerme, pero no lo necesito. Puedo manejar por mi cuenta” you explained sitting up as you groaned looking at him. 

“por favor, Y/n, solo escúchame por una vez” He grumbled, his spanish wasn’t great but you could actually understand him pretty well “I was fine” You snapped sitting down straight against the wall glaring at the opposite wall, You felt the bed dip as Daryl laid down on the bed next to you “I know you were..but I couldn’t live with myself if something bad happened to you..’ He said looking at you sadly “I’d estar bien“ You said not remembering the english words Rick and Michonne taught you for ‘be okay’ “not the point” He grunted looking at you “I care bou’ ya..so..stop doin stupid shit” He said joking a bit so you knew he wasn’t actually angry at you. Now it was time, to put what Rick taught you to the test, your mother always told you to wait until you find the perfect guy, who gave you the time of day and gave you anything you pleased, and well, Daryl did what he could, especially during the apocalypse. “Daryl..-” Fuck! what the fuck were the words? goddamnit, being in the moment and being afraid of Daryl rejecting you made you brain into putty, fuck it, you’ll say whenever you remember. “I understand” You said looking at him, your face heating up whenever he gave you a gentle hug. Daryl and you sat in the room for what felt like forever that night talking about what your lives were like before the whole walker thing happened, he held you while you cried talking about how much you missed your family and you held him whenever he opened up about his past with his brother and father. 

- 

You walked outside smiling at Daryl, he was covered in sweat in oil while he worked on his bike, you thought it was hot, the way he only wore his vest in the hot weather, the way his arms and biceps moved whenever he’d tighten or loosen something on the bike. You nervously walked up smiling at him stopping whenever you saw Carol walk up to him and start talking, whatever she was saying made not only her but also him laugh and smile, and almost like that all of your confidence faded away almost as quick as it came. You didn’t have anything against Carol considering she was the sweetest woman you ever met but it kinda felt like you two were jealous of each other, both competing for Daryl’s love and attention. Walking back into the prison you slumped next to Beth, someone you had grown close to over the years. “¿Qué dijo él?” She asked smiling excited to hear about what Daryl said “Carol La Puta diosa llegó a él primero“ You grunted hearing Daryl and Carol walk into the prison talking and chuckling “I’m lo siento mucho“ Beth whispered, and oh boy you shouldn’t of been so cocky about Daryl and Carol not understanding you “Simplemente duele, ya sabes, porque lo sigo y soy básicamente su perra y, sin embargo, cada llamada de Carol, él está allí y yo estoy en el polvo y duele porque creo que realmente me gusta Daryl ... Me encanta eso Cabrón, Beth.” You ranted not looking whenever Daryl looked at you closely, you also didn’t realize Daryl’s shitty excuse to go to his room alone. You sat and talked with Beth for another hour before pulling on your coat grabbing your gun and both of your knives, you walked to the gate nodding at the two people on guard, Rick and Glenn. As the gates opened and you trudged out into the woods you heard hurried footsteps chasing after you, turning quickly you aimed your gun firing it into whoever was chasing you, you cringed whenever you heard the bullet hit metal “Shot my crossbow, woman” Daryl grunted while you rolled your eyes “What’re you doin out here?” He asked jogging up walking next to you. “Necesitaba aire fresco ... ¿por qué me seguiste? podrías haberte matado” You grumbled glaring at him as you walked. “I heard you say my name in the hall..along with a few other things about Carol” He said, your breath hitched and you felt your face heat up so much you almost started to sweat. “¿De acuerdo? ¿Qué quieres que haga? Te amo, está bien. I fucking love you y tu cabeza está demasiado lejos en el culo de Carol para notarlo, pero sabes lo que no voy a enojarme porque no soy un adolescente enfermo de amor que va a perra y llorar porque Daryl Dixon no tiene sentimientos por mí, me voy a poner mis pantalones de niña grande y lidiar con eso. Me quedaré y ayudaré a Rick y a mi grupo porque no arriesgaré mi vida y dejaré a mi familia solo porque quieres estar con otra persona, así que no arrastres esto a Daryl y solo dime la verdad, porque he terminado de mentir y de puntillas alrededor del tema. Así que si quieres estar con Carol, por favor sé mi invitado porque solo quiero verte feliz y si esa felicidad no está conmigo, que así sea.” You snapped shoving him back, but he just stayed in the same place staring at you processing what you said, you huffed loudly about to walk off before Daryl grabbed the back of your neck turning you around before pulling your body closer kissing you softly “Te amo, pendejo” He whispered, once he left you pull away you hugged him tightly trying to catch your breath. 

-

Translations-

Daryl, te juro que eres el hombre más estúpido que he conocido, y he conocido a Merle: Daryl, I swear you're the stupidest man I've ever met, and I've met Merle.

Hola... usted hizo un buen trabajo: Hey... you did a good job

estoy bien: I am okay

usted podría haber muerto: you could have died

Pero no lo hice, y debes entenderlo. No tengo cinco años, no necesitas cuidarme todo el tiempo de mierda, soy un adulto, gracias Daryl por querer protegerme, pero no lo necesito. Puedo manejar por mi cuenta: But I didn't, and you must understand. I'm not five, you don't need to take care of me all the fucking time, I'm an adult, thanks Daryl for wanting to protect me, but I don't need it. I can handle on my own

por favor, Y/n, solo escúchame por una vez: Please Y/n just listen to me for once

estar bien: be fine

¿Qué dijo él?: what did he say?

Carol La Puta diosa llegó a él primero: Carol the fucking goddess got to him first

I’m lo siento mucho: I’m so sorry

Simplemente duele, ya sabes, porque lo sigo y soy básicamente su perra y, sin embargo, cada llamada de Carol, él está allí y yo estoy en el polvo y duele porque creo que realmente me gusta Daryl ... Me encanta eso Cabrón, Beth.: It just hurts, you know, because I follow him and I'm basically his bitch and yet every call from Carol, he's there and I'm in the dust and it hurts because I think I really like Daryl ... I love that motherfucker, Beth.

Necesitaba aire fresco ... ¿por qué me seguiste? podrías haberte matado: I needed fresh air ... why did you follow me? you could have killed yourself

¿De acuerdo? ¿Qué quieres que haga? Te amo, está bien. I fucking love you y tu cabeza está demasiado lejos en el culo de Carol para notarlo, pero sabes lo que no voy a enojarme porque no soy un adolescente enfermo de amor que va a perra y llorar porque Daryl Dixon no tiene sentimientos por mí, me voy a poner mis pantalones de niña grande y lidiar con eso. Me quedaré y ayudaré a Rick y a mi grupo porque no arriesgaré mi vida y dejaré a mi familia solo porque quieres estar con otra persona, así que no arrastres esto a Daryl y solo dime la verdad, porque he terminado de mentir y de puntillas alrededor del tema. Así que si quieres estar con Carol, por favor sé mi invitado porque solo quiero verte feliz y si esa felicidad no está conmigo, que así sea.: Okay? What do you want me to do? I love you, okay. I fucking love you and your head is too far in Carol's ass to notice it, but you know what I'm not gonna get mad because I'm not a love sick teen who's gonna bitch and cry because Daryl Dixon has no feelings for me, I'm gonna put on my big girl pants and deal with it. I'll stay and help Rick and my group because I won't risk my life and leave my family just because you want to be with someone else, so don't drag this out, Daryl and just tell me the truth, because I'm done lying and tiptoeing around the issue. So if you want to be with Carol, please be my guest because I just want to see you happy and if that happiness isn't with me, so be it.

Te amo, pendejo: I love you, asshole

-

Taglist:

@steverogerslut

[lovelivingmydreams]

A story by heroes and villains

Virgil Anker: better together

Virgil learns to accept help from others.

“Ugh! I am done!” Virgil glanced up from his assignment to see Roman let himself fall back into his chair with relief. Their first study session had gone rather well. They should probably reserve one of the discussion booths next time. The poor librarian had needed to remind them to be quiet multiple times. They’d just had too much fun. But Virgil could understand Roman’s exhaustion. It was time they wrapped things up. “Give me a sec, I have to finish this thing for English,” he muttered absentmindedly as he focused once more.

“Want me to read it trough for you?”

Virgil looked up in surprise. “You don’t…” he started. He didn’t even know why he was feeling like he’d done something wrong right now. Picani might be able to help him figure it out during their session after Virgil got back from his trip to the zoo with uncle Thomas tomorrow.

“We’re here to help each other Virgil. If I didn’t want to help you I wouldn’t offer. I thrive on being of help to my friends. It’s no trouble.” Right. Roman was like that. For everyone, not just him. It was okay to let him help. Virgil found himself smiling a little sheepishly and nodded. “Alright. You can read it when I’m done,” he allowed quickly turning back to his work.

When he finished his essay he looked up to find Roman in the zone. Which was excellent. It made it easier to sneak up on him. Apparently those with ADHD were extra susceptible to his cloak. Did he have proof for that? Well it was more of a hypothesis, but he had no means to test it. It made sense though.

And Roman had yet to prove him wrong.

Virgil cloaked himself, moved to stand right next to Roman and looked over his shoulder. It looked like he was designing a fashion line. Trans girl dresses, Pansexual messenger bags… as well as formal clothing inspired by broadway and Disney characters it seemed. He dropped his cloak.

“Seems I’m not the only one who can draw up some clothes.” Virgil had to stifle his laughter when that observation nearly made Roman jump 4 feet in the air.

“Will you stop that!?” he hissed.

“Not a chance,” Virgil chuckled as he picked up Roman’s sketches.

“This looks good though… You ever thought of becoming a fashion designer?” he suggested casually, allowing himself to imagine starting a brand with Roman someday.

“You are a genius!” Roman exclaimed, making Virgil’s heart jump.

He played it cool though. He’d gotten good at that over the last two years. Pretending that Roman’s smile didn’t turn his insides upside down. “It’s the least I can do. I sent in the designs like you said… I’m kind of excited.” He was. He hoped to catch a glimpse when he went out tonight.

“I’m sure next time you see DreamPrince on the news he’ll be wearing your design.” It was nice, having someone believe in him like that. Other than his dads that is.

“We’ll see,” he smiled as he handed Roman his laptop.

“Well,” Roman announced after a while. “I think you can hand this in with confidence Virge.”

Virgil felt himself relax at that. Roman wouldn’t say that if he didn’t mean it.

“So… I recall something about pizza? I’m starving!”

Virgil chuckled and lead the hungry Hispanic to the restaurant he’d suggested.

Virgil reminded himself over and over that this wasn’t a date, but it was very hard. Especially when, near the end of their meal Roman suddenly started acting nervous. “So… Um… There’s this… Shoot wait a minute,” Roman got up and picked up his phone.

“Si mama…? Que?” Virgil watched Roman look at his watch and jump.

“Perdona! I’ll be there soon.” With that he hung up and took out his wallet. Rambling all the way.

“So sorry Virge! Time got away from us I’m afraid. I swear I intended to give you that ride… Can you call your dad… You know what? Just use the change to take the bus or a cab or something alright? My treat! I’ll call you later!” he promised as he tossed down a few bills before rushing away. Leaving Virgil behind a little stunned. Maybe it was a family thing? It looked urgent.

He took the bus as it was cheaper and there was a stop in his new street.

The house was nice. Though Virgil wasn’t used to it yet. Especially now, when his dads weren’t home, it felt weird being here. Luckily he didn’t plan on staying too long.

He texted his dad while getting dressed. By the time he left the house, he got a reply.

“Don’t wait up. Patton and Thomas say hi. Thomas wants to remind you of the trip to the zoo tomorrow.” Virgil smiled, he didn’t know uncle Thomas was going to be there too… Maybe these projects were just poker nights with the boys. He might have to ask them about it when they got home.

Regardless, duty called.

Virgil was starting to think that he might need to do take a break from turning in evidence for a bit. The criminals were getting agitated.

“I say we attack now! They are weak! We can take them down easily!” he heard one guy suggest. No, turf wars were a bad idea. Clearly he hadn’t thought about maintaining the power balance enough. Good thing he was about to even the playing field again. All these idiots had to do was get caught on his camera with something very illegal, preferably saying the bosses name or any clue the police could use for some kind of big bust.

The leader of this troupe seemed rather well respected. Virgil had learned to spot the difference between the ranks, and if this guy wasn’t answering to the big guy himself, then he was pretty close.

“Boss says we have a truce until the rat is found,” The big dude in question stated.

A truce? Was he that much of a threat? Should he feel flattered or scared?

The tugs argued back and forth a bit more and Virgil was seriously considering just getting out of here. Maybe he could trip up some lower tier members. Or go back to helping lost travelers for a while. Just enough to make the higher ups relax again. They wouldn’t rebuild their ranks too much if they thought it was an inside job or something. Right?

And if they’d realized someone was giving the cops everything they needed to stop them, they wouldn’t plan anything major for a while. Unless the boss was stupid.

Suddenly Virgil saw a figure descend from the roof. He made a hero landing, straight from a superhero movie.

Virgil’s eyes widened. It couldn’t be…

“Do you gentlemen have permits for those weapons?” Dream Prince asked with a deep, booming voice as he rose up, wearing the full costume Virgil had designed. Including the cape. What was he doing here? Stupid question. He was government sanctioned. The chief was on the news a few days ago claiming him as one of theirs.

Which meant she probably asked him to look for Virgil. Does that woman never give up?

The gang was confused by his appearance. One of them calling the young hero ‘prince clown’. Virgil was too far away to see it, but he was willing to bet the clown in question was not too pleased with that.

With a gesture from the leader the gang was silenced. “Sure kid,” he said in a voice that made Virgil stand on high alert. “Got mine right here.”

Or find the stories of Logan and Roman in the Master post

Before Virgil could react in any meaningful way, Prince had shielded himself with his cape and the leader fired at least four rounds at him. The hero was unharmed though. The sounds of bullets falling to the ground the only evidence that they had ever left the barrel in the first place.

“Well now you just pissed me off. This is brand new!” Prince complained as he dropped the cape. And Virgil had to admit, it looked very cool. “I suppose you won't surrender peacefully?” he deduced.

The sound of guns being armed was his only answer. Which was stupid. That was already shown not to work. But sure, shoot with more guns. Don’t actually use your brain or anything. Prince let out an annoyed sigh as he hung his cape from a water pipe. “Fine.” And just like that, he sped towards the criminals through a rain of bullets.

It seemed like he had it handled, and Virgil was pretty sure that he would notice he was there no matter how well he cloaked himself if he got involved. And if he was here to look for him and bring him in for whatever the chief had planned…

Still, he couldn’t make himself just stand by.

He jumped in and helped disarm the criminals and caught a few punches, Prince seemed unlikely to dodge. Pretty soon he felt like Prince was adapting his fighting to his presence which told him that he was in fact spotted.

Soon the gang was down on the ground and their disassembled guns were on a pile on the floor. Virgil returned to the shadows once the sirens lit up the alley.

Prince donned his cloak once more and walked up to where the leader laid, showing off his boot.

“So… how does it feel to get your butt kicked by a guy in heels?” Virgil’s eyes widened as he saw Prince show off the boot. He was wearing the heeled boots? Sure he pulled them off, but that wasn’t a smart move. He couldn’t have had that much time to practice with them yet. Virgil sent the design on Tuesday. Unless… Maybe he’d worn heels before? That was a possibility. Though crime fighting in heels couldn’t be comfortable… Still, it did make the whole thing extra cool, Virgil had to admit.

Suddenly Dream Prince looked up at him and gave a playful wink. So he had noticed him. And he could see him even though he was cloaked right now… Or not quite. He wasn’t looking directly at him. So he knew he was there, just not where exactly.

“Good job Dream Prince. We've got it from here,” one of the police officers who’d come to make the arrests told Prince. The young hero turned to him and bowed.

“It's my pleasure to be of assistance to the police of this fine city.” While he turned around he made a gesture with his hand. Virgil could tell he was being asked to follow.

Part of him wanted to run the other way. But he was curious.

He wanted to take a good look at the costume. He wanted to scold Prince. He wanted to give him a message for the chief. Maybe find out what she wanted from him.

So he followed him all the way to a rooftop.

The city lights illuminated Prince from the back, his cape floating in the wind.

Virgil wished he could take a picture. Roman would love this.

Prince took a step forward and bowed for him. He was really sticking to this Prince thing huh?

“Greetings Phantom. I must thank you for the assist now and three months ago. I am Dream Prince, he/him if you please. A pleasure to officially meet you.” So he had figured out when they’d met.

Virgil couldn’t help a chuckle. He was still cloaking himself. He’d never talked to someone like this before so he had no clue if and how that affected his voice.

“Phantom huh?” Hmm. He kind of liked it. Sure it confirmed that prince was here due to chief. But it was a cool nickname.

“Sure you can call me that. He/him… mind telling me what that was about? I thought you officials weren't let of your leash unless you could be responsible enough to not get yourself killed?” Did he sound a bit catty? Maybe. Was what Prince did idiotic? Absolutely.

Prince didn’t seem to agree. “Says the guy who has half the criminal underworld out for his blood.”

Virgil looked away. Damn. He’d hoped Prince was going to live up to Virgil’s original nickname for him. But he was no idiot.

“Do you have something against the program?” Prince pressed.

“No I…”  Virgil tried to steady himself. It wasn’t Prince’s fault that he was pissed at his boss. “Sorry I’m just pissed at the cops for sending you, I guess,” he admitted reluctantly.

“Yet you chose to follow me up here?” Okay, so he really should give this guy more credit.

“Um… Well… I just…” He couldn’t tell him he was curious about him. That would give away interest on his part and he was not ready to let anything personal slide. He hated being put on the spot like this. Damn, this was not helping the stoic, mysterious guy aura he was going for.

“You interrupted my stake out!” he recalled. Right, one of the reasons he was mad at Prince. The lecture he’d interrupted with his observations.

“Do you know how long it takes to work my way up the ranks? First I have to find a low level runner, then I follow him to his boss, that guy to his and so up the ladder I go. I was getting real close to the big guy of this group. And now…” Sure, he had been thinking about needing to go more low profile for a while to let the rumors simmer out. But still.

“I apologize,” Prince replied sincerely with another bow. It was hard to be mad with this guy. Perfect hero material. “I merely intended to help. They were talking about killing you.”

He appreciated the concern really. But he overlooked one crucial detail.

“And now there is a price on your head! The leader of that little club is like two steps away from the big boss. They won’t be happy with you taking him in.” He couldn’t let him get himself on the bad guys’ list. Not because he thought he needed to protect him. Or maybe a little. When had he started feeling responsible for Prince? Was this how his dad felt? Why he’d tried to keep him from being overly self-sacrificing as a kid?

“You got dirt on them?” Prince wondered.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Yes… But that’s not the point. They have no clue about me. Not really,” just some guesses and rumors. “But you are out in the open.” They’d know who to go after with him. “This is not your kind of mission Royal pain. And now that you are out, you can’t expect me to hold your hand any longer…” Virgil got distracted when Prince crossed his arm and smirked smugly. “You’ve been looking out for me all summer huh?”

That smug little… Fine he got him there.

He rolled his eyes with a scoff, trying to dismiss the statement. “It’s not like I came looking for you.” He just… Did the right thing when they met up.

Prince was the one dreaming if he thought he felt any kind of responsibility towards him. He was just trying to… To be someone he could be proud of. That was why he was doing this. To not feel week and useless. To help people, even if he couldn’t always help those he felt closest to.

“Still… Thank you…” Prince said gently, about to step forward again. But then he cringed and clutched his head. “Ow!”

The young hero sounded more annoyed than in pain.

He pressed a finger to his ear. Communicating with whoever was on the other line no doubt. “One. Loud. Two. Rude! I am in the middle of something! And did you seriously remotely reactivate my com?” Virgil could hear him hiss in the communication device, dropping the regal persona completely. Virgil bit back his amusement.

“I am fine, not a scratch on me,” Prince replied annoyed. “I’ll call you when I’m done here.” And then he seemed to take something out of his ear. He was so lucky Virgil wasn’t a bad guy or he’d just made it a lot easier on him to take him out.

“Sorry,” Prince sighed. “My mentor is… intense at times.”

“Mentor?” Virgil wondered. He’d heard about the GTA program and it’s monitors in the past. But mentors… that sounded a bit more one on one than just people who told you what to do.

“One of the people helping me practice my powers, test my limits. Comes with the program. It’s not just a babysit and a nice suit,” Prince joked.

“Oh…” Virgil didn’t know what to say to that. It was… Something he’d been wanting for a while now. For a way to test all that he could do. To figure out the shield, push the limits of his cloak and try and use his healing for others. Someone to help him strategize, to talk with when he’d had a tough night. But unless he was ready to come clean with his dad, that was out of his reach.

“Listen, I admit I was sent by the chief. But I didn’t come here to recruit you. I wanted to thank you and tell you… If you ever need someone to talk to, to help you figure something out… I’d be more than happy to oblige. No need to tell me your name or anything about yourself.”

Virgil looked at the offered hand. Maybe, it wasn’t impossible after all.

He considered his options. But it seemed like there was no catch to this offer. So he closed the gap and shook his hand.

“I’ll see you next time,” Prince offered kindly before letting go and running straight of the rooftop as if there was a walkway just for him.

Virgil smirked. Maybe he should wrap it up for tonight. Prince and the other heroes had the area covered. He’d collect the information he had on the tugs that were arrested tonight. Next time he saw Dream Prince, he’d hand that information to him.

If things went well… This could be a good partnership.

End of this part. Meet Janus and learn his side

@cirishere​ @hestianerd1 @moonlightshow00 @naturallyunstablegamer @alias290 @meowthefluffy @frida0043 @angelic-cali @selenechris @theblackveilinreverse

[ghostpeblewrite]

Paradoxical - Chapter 6

~~~~~~

On the other hand, the good news just keeps coming for the evil trio.

First, Jimmy managed to complete a vital piece of their plan- All on his own!!

Gavin was in the main room of their home base, studying a big black tome, when Jimmy burst through the front door. Gavin would say he’d never seen Jimmy beam that bright before, but the little maniac is almost always smiling, so that would be a lie. That’s when Gavin noticed what he was carrying.

Gavin clearly remembers setting the tome down as he stood up, remarking something along the lines of, “Well well well, look what the cat dragged in!” which caused Jimmy to cackle loudly, dumping the body he was holding on the floor.

That’s when the body started to move. Which did surprise Gavin. Jimmy never leaves his victims alive. Sure, he’s stupid, but he’s smart at killing.

Gavin moved closer to the body, and then he recognized it. He was suddenly full of an emotion, later identified as being Proud.

On the floor, unconscious, was Johnny Ghost.

He had rewarded Jimmy handsomely for that, after making sure Ghost was securely tied up in a different room.

Gavin remembers it fondly now as he lays on the ratty couch in the main room of the homebase, smiling at the memory of Ghost’s face when he saw Jimmy.

Speaking of Jimmy, the little maniac was currently lying on top of Gavin, his face buried into Gavin’s neck. That’s the main reason Gavin hasn’t gotten up in about an hour. Jimmy had finally crashed after over 42 hours of being awake, and Gavin was not about to wake him up. That was basically a death sentence.

Not that Jimmy could actually kill Gavin, but Gavin doesn’t want to see what would happen if he tried.

The only thing that brings Jimmy’s cat nap to a sudden stop is a certain dark figure walking into the base.

Only, he’s not a dark figure at first. When he first walks in, he looks like an average guy. Hispanic descent, maybe.

“I’m telling you, Gavin,” he says with a Spanish accent, his form flickering back to a dark silhouette wearing a cowboy hat, “We went too hard on the clothing. I looked like a try hard.”

“Welcome back, Maxwell,” Gavin greets. Jimmy begins to groan a bit, waking from his cat nap. He’s a light sleeper.

“Yeah yeah, anyway,” Maxwell says, sitting in one of the chairs next to the couch, “while you two were here sleepin’, I actually found out some useful information.”

Jimmy lifts his head up, about to say something, but Gavin shushes him. So instead, Jimmy just grumbles sleepily, putting his head back down, watching Maxwell.

“So, what is it?” Gavin prods.

“They’re fast actin’,” Maxwell says. “Toast was the only one who did anythin’ though- Took a crossbow out ‘n shot ‘em all. Only took one to two shots too.”

“Hm,” Gavin hums, but before he can say anything, Jimmy beats him to it.

“We didn’t just sit here lying around!!” he huffs, sitting up.

“Oh really?” Maxwell asks. “Do tell me what y’all did then.”

“I got Ghost!!!” Jimmy squeals, an inhuman smile splitting his face.

“Oi, quiet down,” Gavin says, ruffling Jimmy’s hair before scooting out from under Jimmy, sitting up as well.

“Wait- Is he serious?” Maxwell turns to Gavin. Can’t blame him, really. Hard to tell when Jimmy’s joking.

“Yes, he is,” Gavin says, stretching a bit. Jimmy stretches as well, probably just copying Gavin. His body makes a lot of horrible noises when he does. Gavin makes a small disgusted face at them.

“Do you wanna come see???” Jimmy asks, already on his feet before Maxwell answers. Gavin doesn’t know how he does it. Jimmy barely got an hour of sleep, and he’s just woken up. Where is he storing all this extra energy? Up his ass?

Gavin can’t say he’s too surprised though. Jimmy’s been bouncing off the walls since he woke up that day. Sure, Gavin kind of intended that- He couldn’t imagine Jimmy any other way- but it still confuses him.

“I er- I guess?” Maxwell shrugs, standing up as well.

“Great!!” Jimmy says, giggling to himself a bit as he grabs Maxwell’s arm, leading him towards the room where they keep Ghost.

Another thing he does that Gavin doesn’t quite understand. Maxwell isn’t… I mean, he’s not exactly solid. He’s a ghost. Gavin can’t even do that. Gavin just sighs, following after the two. Best not to question it.

Jimmy drags Maxwell into the room, where Ghost seems to be unconscious. Maxwell looks at him, letting out a low whistle.

“Well I’ll be damned, Jimmy! You weren’t lyin’!” Maxwell says, sounding pleasantly surprised.

That’s when Ghost raises his head a bit, eyeing the three figures in front of him.

Since he got there, he’s gained a few cuts and bruises that weren’t there before. Mainly from Jimmy when he got bored. Ghost’s eyes widen upon seeing Maxwell.

“Maxwell-?!” He cries. First Gavin, then Jimmy, and now Maxwell? This makes no sense. It’s such an unlikely trio.

“Pleasure seein’ you again, Johnny Ghost,” Maxwell greets, tipping his hat at him.

“Well, now that we’re all here,” Gavin says, looking at the other two. “We need to decide what we’re going to do with him.”

“Kill him!” Jimmy says instantly, smiling wide. Gavin chuckles, ruffling his hair again.

“We’ll uhm… Put that idea on the backburner there, Jims,” Gavin says, smiling at him. Jimmy smiles even wider back. Somehow. It grosses Gavin out how he does that. Gavin didn’t make him able to do that. He just… did that himself. It’s gross.

“Actually, wait,” Maxwell says, looking at Gavin, “That might be our only option.”

“What do you mean?” Gavin asks, looking back at Maxwell.

“I mean- He’s strong. If he gets out of here, our entire plan is ruined,” Maxwell elaborates.

Gavin nods. “You’re right… Plus, it saves us from doing it later down the line.”

“Yay!! Let’s kill him!!!” Jimmy shrieks, following it up with a cackle that sends shivers down Gavin’s spine.

Ghost just stares at the three in front of him. He knows them, he knows what they’re capable of, and they are capable of murder. Especially Jimmy, and Maxwell. Gavin’s more of a theft kind of criminal, but he will kill if he needs to.

Ghost also can’t risk dying. Usually, if he’s in a Safe Zone, he’d just go along with it. Dying can reset your position to a more desirable one. But since the wipe out, Safe Zones have been a lot rarer. That’s why, for a couple years, Toast and Ghost worked on mapping out local Safe Zones, and memorizing where they are.

The only issue is. Ghost has no idea where he is. He could be miles out of town, he could be somewhere nearby. He has no idea if he’s in a safe zone. It’s hard to know if you’re in one without seeing something else die first, and he very much doubts he’s gonna see that.

He’s looked around this room several times. There’s nothing here he can use to escape. He thinks he’s screwed.

That is, until he remembers something. Several years ago, when he and Toast were first figuring out different timelines and dimensions, they learned how to timeline hop. It was fun, but very dangerous. They’re lucky they ever even made it back to their own timeline. But looking at the three in front of him, arguing over who gets to kill him- Jimmy really wants to be the one, but so does Maxwell- he figures that getting lost in a different timeline would be a lot less dangerous than being in this room.

Only issue is remembering how to do it. Ghost closes his eyes, focusing on remembering.

The talking dies out.

“Gavin,” Maxwell butts in. Gavin glares.

“Don’t interrupt me, Maxwell,” Gavin says, then turns back to Jimmy. “As I was saying-”

“Gavin!” Maxwell says again.

“Not right now, Maxwell!” Gavin huffs.

“God damnit, Gavin!! Listen for once in your pathetic life!!” Maxwell yells, pushing Gavin’s shoulder so he’s turned towards the seat where Ghost is tied up.

Only, Ghost isn’t there. The ropes have gone limp. Not cut, or unties at all, just limp.

“What the fuck-?” Gavin says, walking over. He didn’t just go invisible did he?? “What happened?!” he yells, turning to Maxwell.

“How am I supposed to know???” Maxwell cries out. He jabs a thumb at Jimmy, who’s giggling, “Ask the freak!!”

Gavin takes a breath to calm down- He’s learned the hard way that you can’t yell at Jimmy. Doesn’t work well. “Jimmy… Do you know something?”

“Oh, yeah!” he giggles more.

“Care to share?” Gavin asks, forcing his smile.

“Ghost isn’t here anymore!!” Jimmy laughs.

Gavin takes a deep breath. “No shit, Jims.” “No, you don’t get it!!” Jimmy says, smiling wider, “He’s gone!”

“We can see that, freak!!” Maxwell yells. Gavin shoots him a glare before approaching Jimmy.

“Jims, what do you mean?”

“I mean he’s not in this universe!” Jimmy cackles. “He’s gone!!!”

Gavin looks confused. “What? How can he do that-?”

“I have no idea!!” Jimmy says, really cracking himself up. Gavin sighs.

“Well, at least he’s… out of the way?” Maxwell shrugs.

“That’s true…” Gavin nods slowly. “Maxwell, go check on PIE HQ, we need to know if we can attack yet.”

“What? Why can’t the freak do something for once? It’s just a camera!” Maxwell growls.

Gavin glares, putting an arm around Jimmy’s shoulders, “He can’t read, asshole.”

Maxwell huffs, heading out the door. Gavin moves away from Jimmy, moving about cleaning up the room.

Maxwell finds Gavin and Jimmy back on the couch next. Jimmy is sitting upside down, Gavin sitting normally beside him, reading again.

“Great news,” Maxwell says, approaching the two.

“What?” Gavin looks up at him.

“It’s just Johnny Toast there,” Maxwell says. “The other two idiots just left.”

“How is that good news?” Gavin huffs, “We want them all dead, don’t we?”

“It’s good news, because they’re weaker when they’re separated!” Maxwell says, his tone obviously irritated.

Gavin nods. “Right… So we get rid of my brother first, and then the other two?”

“Exactly!” Maxwell says. “The other two can’t do shit without the Johnnys.”

“Great!” Gavin smiles, standing up with the black tome in hand. “What are we waiting for then?!”

“Dinner,” Jimmy says solemnly, looking up at him.

Gavin sighs, “Later, Jimmy.”

Jimmy smiles.

~~~

was this bad? probably. i was very tired.

[marireadshellblazer]

Hellblazer Issue #6

While I have read all of this before, I am trying to look at this, in some ways, like I am seeing it for the first time. I’m trying to bring out some of the initial, raw thoughts I had when I had read it the first time.

In keeping with the theme of showing the dark sides of society in these early chapters, it was only a matter of time before the subject of racism and white supremacy came up. This is such a tricky subject to approach no matter what medium is used (comics, novels, plays, TV, etc), and you could argue that it isn’t handled in the most…graceful manner. However, it is good that this is addressed in the series. These dark sides of humanity heavily characterize John’s world; parts of society that a lot of the more privileged members prefer to not see. For John, who sees the worst the world has to offer, these issues are all around him; loud, unavoidable, and heavily tainting even the brightest of moments. John is a cynical man, and it’s not hard to see why. Sadly, this is an all too real reflection of the real world.

I think that growing up the way he did and the area of London he lives in allows John to see a lot of the problems that the upper class (the snobs of the world) and most politicians choose to ignore and puts them front and center; hate crimes, crime just in general, poverty, prostitution/exploitation of women, and the effects this sort of environment has on the young people who can’t escape it. Now, I have never been to London, or Europe for that matter, so I’m not sure if this is just an exaggeration of what the area is like; Delano exaggerating the poverty situation in this area for story-telling purposes. Therefore, I’m not sure how accurate my assumptions are surrounding how “real” this portrayal is of the time this series takes place in. But, I did grow up in another big city; Chicago. And using what I know from life there, I can say that issues like these in certain neighborhoods and projects in and around big cities are very real and very hard to properly impress upon one who hasn’t experienced life there just how very dangerous and terrible they are.

When I left Chicago, I was stunned when I found out that, for people outside the city, gun violence and arson weren’t a normal part of life. Gang activity, using techniques to ward off pick pockets, and knowing which bakeries were fronts for drug smugglers weren’t common knowledge or part of everyday life. It honestly blew me away to see the reaction people had in the other parts of the Midwestern United States I have lived in when someone would go missing or get busted for using meth; the whole town would take it very personally. But for me I felt almost nothing; one person went missing here, but in Chicago, at least 4 people went missing, three died from a drive-by, and the mortician I’m friends with buried two bodies in one casket (one hidden below the other) in order to hide a murder victim who was taken out by the mob (I wish I was joking). So, suffice to say, as sad and disturbing a world John lives in, exaggerated or not, it feels strangely real to me. It’s in big cities like Chicago and London that I think racial violence gets particularly dangerous (don’t quote me on that. But the amount of people who die for being Hispanic/black in Chicago via gun is staggering). Big cities might be seen as colorful due to the mix of languages, ethnicities, and cultures, but it’s also because of this prejudice is often on full display. The more reasons there are to “other” people, the more people will find a way to do it. And it’s a terrible shame. I mean, there’s no reason for that crap. I mean, is it really so hard to at the very least be respectful to each other? SMH

So! That’s just a little bit on where I’m coming from/what’s effecting my reading experience! On to some thoughts!

Aight, well the comment about the Ralph Steadman painting, as it turns out, is not an exaggeration. I looked that shit up and, honestly, he’s not wrong.

I liked that they described creating corruption and as a demon’s real art. It helps hammer home that the corruption and darkness in the hearts of people are a demonic domain which brings the hellish reality in which John lives to life. Very nice.

I love that “weird sex attacks” is in the same line as suicides and cannibalism. Something about that made me double-take.

Nice Bob Dylan reference

Am I the only one that thinks Zed’s hair is weird? Era appropriate or not, I still think it’s weird.

Smooth John…very smooth.

I’m not going to lie, I snorted when I saw what Nergal did to those racists. There’s something poetic about forcing people who unwilling to have empathy and work with/understand others be unable to escape being together. Very nice descriptions of his process in creating the bigot-abomination. Also loving how Nergal is characterized here. He is truly gross. Just…the sewer demon orgy. I was not prepared for that, but I feel like I should have been.  

When they show the abomination leaving the sewers, something about the writing there made me think of The Mob Song from the Disney version of Beauty and the Beast. Anyone else get that vibe?

Now, as far as John and Zed go, I’m not sure if I’d call them a couple. Seems inaccurate. Would this be more like FWB? I mean there is clearly trust there, but we don’t see a lot of depth beyond that. I mean, chemistry? I’m not sure how to say. Not saying it’s bad or anything, but nothing that says “they so cute” either. Maybe this was intentional. 

I fucking love Ray. He is such a sweet man. Dude he just…he deserves better. He really does.

Also, once again, freaking love the cover art. 10/10.

Words I had to look up (also, for the derogatory words I include below I mean no offense; these were honest to God words that I didn’t know the meaning of and saw for the first time here. I figured, based on context, they were not good, but I didn’t really know the meaning. I wanted to share that part of my experience, so I included them here):

dole- benefit paid by the government to the unemployed (familiar with it, but never seen it in that context before so I was confused)

yid- derogatory word for a Jewish person

wog- derogatory word for anyone who is not white

fug- warm, stuffy or smoky atmosphere in a room (this is my new favorite word)

strewth- interjection, expresses surprise. I think it might be something akin to “fuck!”

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Final Fantasy XV Review

Year: 2016

Original Platform: PlayStation 4

Also available on: PC (Steam), XBox One

Version I Played: PlayStation 4

Here we go. The final Final Fantasy review of the main single-player games. I just want to say, first off, we’ve been waiting for this game since 2006. It took them ten damn years to finally release this game. I clearly remember the teaser trailer they released when it was called Final Fantasy XIII Versus, and my next-door neighbor and I were so hyped for this game when we were freaking teenagers. After years of delays, Square Enix revamped it into Final Fantasy XV.

Did it live up to the wait? Well, read and find out.

Synopsis:

Noctis Lucis Caelum is the heir to the throne of the kingdom of Lucis. On his birthday, he sets off with his three best friends and bodyguards (Ignis, Prompto, Gladio) to marry his betrothed, Lunafreya. The marriage is supposed to be a political one, though Noct and Lunafreya had grown up together and become fond of each other. But peace turns to war as the empire of Niflheim betrays Insomnia and invades. Noct, now on the run, has to reclaim his right to the throne by collecting the necessary family heirlooms which will banish the darkness.  

Gameplay:

Open-world Final Fantasy.

That is the big selling point for this game. 

A MASSIVE step up from Final Fantasy XIII’s gameplay, Final Fantasy XV has you roaming around and attacking enemies on the field in real time. The battle system returns to something slightly more conventional by having you cast spells and use items. It seems like this is what Square really intended to do after Final Fantasy XII. Looking back, Final Fantasy XIII feels like some prototype before Final Fantasy XII, so it really becomes apparent that Final Fantasy XIII’s gameplay comes off as a huge mistake.

This game’s major’s strength comes from the player engaging with a massive world. You camp. You take on hunts. You take on a bajillion sidequests. You run across the world. You drive across the world. You can ride a chocobo across the world.

However, the dip in the gameplay comes from how easily accessible these sidequests are. The map tells you exactly where you go 24/7. I started to have an existential crisis around my 50th sidequest in a row. Why am I doing this? What’s the point? I go here to kill a thing, or go there to help someone by giving a potion or taking a picture. You start to realize that a good bulk of sidequests are either hunting daemons or fetching an item. You start to deconstruct the meaning of playing a video game as you think to yourself, “Why do I play video games?” while also thinking “But wait, one more and then I swear I’m done.”.

I get it, not everyone has the time nowadays to figure out a huge game like this. I get it, video games are now marketed to everyone for ease. At the same time, I personally love a good challenge. I mean, I’m the guy who has Dark Souls as one of his favorite video games of all time, so my opinion on the matter might definitely be skewered compared to most. I generally want to feel like I actually figured something out by myself rather than following a tracker on the screen and walking from task to task and then saying, “Okay done. Next.”.

Too much of that and playing a video game starts to feel like a 9 to 5 job to me. This game is great to play during quarantine, but at one point I saw playing this game as feeling like an actual job. Wake up, eat breakfast, time to hunt some daemons.

This is the growing conflict some people have with story-driven games versus open-world games. I see the argument focused too much on words like “linear”, but in reality we should be talking about “automation”. If a video game is too automated, then did you really play a video game? Or did you watch a movie that allows you to control the camera angle? At first, the idea of driving around an open-world Final Fantasy game sounds amazing. Isn’t that what fans always dreamed of? In reality, you don’t really drive around at your leisure. Even when you have the car set to “manual”, you can’t speed up, drive off-road, or pull off a sick drift like in The Fast and the Furious. Your car still automatically stays on the road wherever you’re going. It’s not so much “manual” as it is “I can control where and when to stop and which road to take”. Riding chocobos at your leisure is much more fun, but becomes increasingly impractical as you can just fast-travel to necessary locations in your car.

The sights and sounds of the fictional world of Eos are enough to gloss over these shortcomings though. It IS still fun to roam around and fight monsters and save the day. My bottom line is, “You don’t think about just how mindless the tasks are unless you keep playing for many days straight.”. And I poured hours into this game day after day because of the 2020 pandemic quarantine.

Graphics:

Obviously the best thus far. However, in-game facial expressions on the NPCs are still quite stilted and awkward. This game made me realize that we’ve yet to jump a hurdle when it comes to in-game graphics. The game is so polished but there are still limitations when it comes to giving the characters natural movements, both in body and lips. So an NPC could be shouting “WOW THAT’S AMAZING!” but have a straight face jumping up and down, despite the fact that the character model is the most realistic we’ve created so far in a video game. I was looking back at in-game cutscenes of Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, and found it ironic that they can portray body movements so much better, but that’s the trade-off. Less graphics power to portray realistic bodies, but the graphics power can then be allocated to focus on natural movements. Nowadays, all the graphics power is focused on making things look good, but that hardly leaves room for making things move naturally.

Story:

After the overly-complicated plotline of Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XV feels like a breath of fresh air. On the surface, it’s a straightforward tale of a boy seeking to become a king after his father is brutally murdered by enemy forces. The bromance between the young king and his bodyguards is endearing. Each character feels distinct and genuinely makes you laugh. The setup sounds like prime real estate for an emotionally charged storyline.

Unfortunately, it falls apart somewhere around the last quarter. What should have been a strong and straightforward story turned into a rushed, hasty mess by the final act.

The story started SO strong, they practically had it in the bag, but then it became apparent that many important elements were glossed over - especially when it came to the main villain. I realized that some things required me to read between the lines, or even were only explained in character dossiers in the archive section of the menu. Supposedly, the movie Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV explains more, but do you really expect me to have to watch a separate movie to understand the actual game? The final quarter of the story feels like someone was trying to finish NaNoWriMo, realized they were running out of time, and quickly jumped from scene to scene to reach that 50k word goal. The ten-year time-skip is a joke. The final chapter is sorely disappointing.

The ending was appropriate though, and even beautiful. However, the overall story didn’t have the necessary emotional weight to really make me feel anything. I thought to myself, “I feel like I should be tearing up but instead I feel nothing.”. Even Final Fantasy XII, which lacked a romance, had me swelling up at the end. Final Fantasy XV didn’t make me swell up until literally the last few seconds of the post-credits scene.

People complained about the advertising (Coleman, Cup Noodles) but that didn’t bother me.

What does bother me is the lack of variety in the main cast, and in numerous ways. There were so many interesting side characters that didn’t receive much screen time, or use at all in the story. The strong focus on only the four male leads made it a sausagefest. I was craving more out of Aranea Highwind and Iris Amicitia. They are important but don’t get any screen time at all in the final chapter, nor do we ever hear from them ever again after the time-skip. Aranea Highwind was such a cool character, but once again ends up being wasted potential.

The main cast lacked distinctive styles. When I first saw the main cast, I had a hard time telling them apart. They looked like a k-pop band. Compare the main cast of Final Fantasy XV to literally any other Final Fantasy main cast and you can immediately spot the difference.

The four main leads do have distinct personalities, and I quite loved hearing their comments and banter. It felt realistic, but at times it became ridiculous. I rolled my eyes when Prompto would say things like, “Hashtag sorry not sorry.” That was a bit too on the nose, and came off as Square trying to pander to the current generation.

But what really rubbed me the wrong way is the incredible lack of non-white characters in the entire game. Lestallum feels so wrong to me as a Hispanic. Lestallum is supposed to be modeled after Havana, Cuba.

Its music, its buildings, its activities. It has a tropical climate, and yet every single denizen is pale white. Every. Single. One. I am not exaggerating. It feels so absolutely wrong walking around that city and not seeing anyone with the slightest shade of brown. This isn’t some uncalled-for SJW rant, it’s a simple fact. Tropical climates breed tanner skins. My brain naturally did a double-take when seeing the all-white population, saying, “Hmmm, something’s wrong here.”. For God’s sake, Final Fantasy XII, made over a decade earlier, did a better job at displaying the various nuances in skin tones, and that was on the PlayStation 2! Final Fantasy X, even older, seemed to properly portray tropical beach populations, inspired by the Philippines, with the character Wakka.

I noticed that they really took the time to incorporate elements from virtually every single Final Fantasy game. Aside from the crystals, the modern settings, and other obvious elements, four male leads are reminiscent of Final Fantasy III, the sinister chancellor hearkens back to Kefka from Final Fantasy VI, the enemy Yojimbo resembles Final Fantasy X’s version of Yojimbo, a certain boss battle reminded me of Cid Raines from Final Fantasy XIII.

Also, there’s Dino. Quite possibly the most annoying Final Fantasy NPC ever.

The overly obnoxious Italian stereotype made me want to punch his face, and also took me out of the experience of the fictional world. Every time you spoke with him he's all like "HEY HOW YOU DOIN WELCOME TO OLIVE GARDEN YOU TALKIN TO ME BADA BING BADA BOOM SPICY PIECE OF MEATBALL CAPISCE? AMIRITE??"

Square seemed to treat this game as a milestone in the series, alluding to everything the series ever did. It’s a shame that the story itself wasn’t quite up to snuff to be held in such regard.

Music:           

The game’s major lyrical song is copyrighted, which is a first for a Final Fantasy game. It makes sense why they chose the song “Stand by Me”, both in literal and figurative terms of the story.             

The score to this game is quite fantastic. The series has its first female composer, Yoko Shimomura. I have absolutely no complaints about the music. Nobuo Uematsu didn’t even pop into my head during the entire game. It’s the first time since Uematsu’s departure that I felt immersed in the score. The motifs are distinct and strong. The battle music is vibrant and an orchestral orgasm to listen to.    

Notable Theme:            

“Somnus”  

The main theme of the game. It plays right away in the main menu. I love how it is incorporated into the rest of the score, and my brain kept wanting to hear it to its completion.   

Direct Sequel?           

Nope. However, there is downloadable content that fills in the gap of events within the game. Supposedly, Final Fantasy XV is loosely connected to Final Fantasy XIII and Final Fantasy Type-O, all sharing common themes and possibly set in the same universe. You can also watch the prequel movie, Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV.

Did it Live up to the Hype?           

Eh.           

Yes, and no.            

It was cool to play around, but the rest is a flaccid attempt at being a notable entry in the series “for fans and first-timers”, as the words proudly display every time you load the game. It’s not the worst in the series, but certainly not the best. It’s somewhere in the mid-to-low tier.

[derebantran]

I’ve never really considered any kind of danger living as an Asian American.

The fact of the matter is that I’ve always felt like Asians never got it as bad as other minorities. Sure, there’s racism and prejudice and hate. But for black Americans there’s a serious and real world possibility that they might not live to see another day just getting pulled over by the police. There’s a genuine risk for LGBTQ+ peoples that coming out to their families will land them on the street, homeless. Muslims, and frankly any minority with a dark complexion, had their lives made a living hell after 9/11. And Hispanic and Latino communities are facing incredibly daunting circumstances today in the United States.

I got some squinty eye jokes growing up. I was told my family ate dogs. I was told any number of stereotypical Asian jabs. Sure, I got angry at them. But I never once felt like there was a chance I could die just for being the person I am. We are the “model minority” and it would be wrong of me not to acknowledge that we have a certain amount of privilege because of the moniker. But over these last few months, with the rise of hate crimes against Asians; the attacks themselves an evolution of anti-Asian sentiment bred from the pandemic; I don’t think I can continue believing that me and my family and friends can continue feeling safe living in this country. I have to face the reality that other communities have had to live with for decades, even centuries.

I’m not safe in this country. I might never be safe again, no matter where I am. I don’t know where I’m going with this post. I just wanted to talk about something that affected me emotionally I guess. I hope anyone who reads this stays safe.

[zmediaoutlet]

in support of Black Lives Matter, @azothel donated $50, and requested ‘jealous Sam with implied Dean/John.’ Thank you for donating!

to get your own personalized fic, please see this post. (no longer taking prompts)

Summer in Arizona. Sam thinks it might actually be hell. He’s laying spread eagle on his bed, stripped down to t-shirt and boxers, and this absolute dump of a motel only has an evaporative cooler and so the whole place smells like wet dust. He’s got his eyes closed, concentrated on not moving, and if he doesn’t move then he can pretend like it’s damp instead of sticky--cool, instead of muggy--but unfortunately it doesn’t stop his ears from working, because Dean’s on the phone with Dad. Again.

“Yessir,” Dean says, quiet. Corded phone up near the door and he’s got it pulled all the way over by the mini-fridge. Like if he’s far enough away somehow Sam won’t notice. “Yeah, we got it taken care of. When do you think you’ll--”

Be back, cut off. That’s what Dean always wants--Dad, back, the three of them faking at happy families. Sam opens his eyes and looks at the ceiling fan, slow its only speed. They aren’t exactly a Norman Rockwell painting. Sam doesn’t know why Dean pretends otherwise.

“Yeah,” Dean says, soft, and it’s nasty the way Sam’s gut immediately takes a downward turn. He draws up on his elbows, looking past the screen into the tiny kitchenette. Dean, leaning against the wall with his shoulders hunched in, the cord tangled in his fingers. Chick from a movie talking to her crush, Sam thinks, and his second thought is--worse. “Yeah, Dad. See you.”

He hangs up and sighs. When he turns around he’s surprised for some reason, seeing Sam watching him. “Dad’s gonna be another week,” Dean says, and wipes his forehead with the back of his arm. He’s still wearing jeans, and that Ozzy tour t-shirt they found at the thrift mart. Overdressed, to Sam’s mind. Dean flaps his shirt, his white belly showing. “How do people live here. It’s so frickin’ hot, man.”

“Yeah,” Sam says, sounding braindead. How do they live.

They weren’t supposed to be here. California, Dad had promised, and Dean lit up with talking about going to the beach, cool breezes and girls in bikinis. Of course, when they stalled out here with five hundred miles to go, because Dad caught wind of weird deaths in the Chiricahua Mountains, Dean didn’t complain a peep. He went out with Dad one night--left Sam alone, in this same dumpy motel, to stew and worry--and then he came back by himself the next morning, fretful but loyal. Told Sam, Dad’s got it covered, don’t worry. Like that was what Sam was worried about. Dean had a bruise, on his shoulder, when he came back. Sam laid awake, wondering--knowing. Knowing. He’s always known.

The motel has a pool, if you can call it that. A crappy small kidney bean with no shade, carved out of bleached-white kool deck. It gets locked up at night but they figured out pretty quick that the motel manager’s a drunk and doesn’t give a damn what they do, and so it’s something to occupy them at night--a padlock Sam could’ve picked when he was nine, a six pack of beer they share because Dean can actually get it legally, now. “Not as fun that way,” Dean says, shrugging. Sam rolls his eyes and shoves water at his face, which makes Dean splutter predictable as ever--which makes him dive for Sam, predictable as ever--which means they wrestle, trying to dunk each other, and Sam’s got new height but Dean’s got more experience, and Sam wants to win but--but Dean’s skin is slick-silk, even in the over-chlorinated water, and he’s warm and weightless, and whoever wins Sam’s held right up close against his body and has Dean laughing and right here, right here, with him and nowhere else.

Nobody comes out this way. Not this time of year. There’s a tired hispanic family that checks in, one night, and they have a pretty daughter maybe Sam’s age--who smiles at Dean, shy but interested, and Dean grins at her, blows her a kiss, until her dad sees and she gets berated in a quiet barrage of Spanish. “Dude, I am an international man of mystery,” Dean says, and Sam rolls his eyes and says, “Okay, Austin Powers,” and that was--shit, a mistake, because he knows that instantly Dean’s going to do his terrible Mike Myers impression--but then the phone rings in their room, and Dean’s face changes instantly, and he disappears inside while Sam bangs his head back against the stucco. He doesn’t need to hear to know Dean’s saying, obedient, yessir. Sam looks out at the fire-colored sunset and wonders, bitter, if Dean’s dick gets hard every time he does.

Sick. Not that Sam has room to throw stones. When they finally drag themselves out of the pool--one a.m., four beers under Dean’s belt and two under Sam’s--half the time Dean’ll just change right there, in the kitchenette on, making a puddle on the linoleum. “Dude,” Sam will always say, throwing up hands like it’s gross--because he knows he’s supposed to find it gross--and Dean always says, “Like you don’t love it,” smug. They hardly go out in the day, too damn hot, and so he’s pale, pale, everywhere, his back and the pretty curve of his ass and his legs, bowed out at the knee where Sam knows he’d fit, where he’d slide his hips between them and it’d feel--right. Cowboy legs, Dad called ‘em once, kind of drunk, and Dean had immediately darted a look at Sam and his ears had gone bright red--and Sam had looked away, thinking, yeah. Made for riding.

Seriously, sick. Sicker that he bets he wasn’t the only one in the room having that thought. Sicker, that when Dean tugs up dry boxers and turns around, Sam doesn’t look away fast enough, and Dean sees him and his face does--some strange thing, something Sam doesn’t know how to interpret. His amulet swings in the middle of his pale chest and Sam wants to get up, grab him by it, pull him in. Ask him--why not Sam? Why, if it was going to be anyone--

“Dude, earth to Samuel,” Dean says, and Sam blinks and refocuses. Dean frowns at him, kinda smiling-kinda not. “You gonna sleep in your wet trunks? Get a move on, weirdo.”

“You’re weird,” Sam says, automatic and dumb, and Dean rolls his eyes, throws himself back onto his own bed. Sam looks at him--his knees, spread--his nipples getting hard in the damp cool air--and then looks away. He has to, because if he doesn’t then he has to do something, and he just doesn’t know what to do.

Dad swings by--middle of the night, the next night. Sam’s asleep until the door opens, and then his eyes slam open at the wall away from the door, listening to the low conversation happening behind his back. Everything okay? Yeah, kiddo. Just needed a resupply. Salt and a few other things. Gotta head back into the mountains but I think I’ve about got it cleaned out. Can I help? No--this is a stealth mission, can’t risk it. I’m just taking a shower before I head out. Wanted to stop by and make sure you boys were okay. We’re okay, Dad. Do you...

The bathroom door closes, very quietly. Sam breathes, twice, and sits up, and the room’s empty. He looks at the bathroom door, and the water rushes on, and he can’t hear talking--it’s not Dean sitting on the toilet giving a debrief while Dad cleans up blood and guts, not like they’ve done before--and it takes Sam a minute to realize that he’s chubbing up, his mouth dry because he’s just staring at the pale pink paintjob, and he’s imagining--cowboy legs. Fuck.

They don’t try to wake Sam up, before Dad leaves. The room door closes and Dean fixes up the locks again, and when Sam turns over he’s got his forehead pressed against the paint, his hair still wet and his boxers barely tugged on, and Sam--jesus, how’s he supposed to take it? There’s an engine sound--the peel-out of tires on gravel. Dad’s gone, again. “Good visit?” Sam says, and Dean jumps, looks at Sam over his shoulder.

“Shit, dude, nearly gave me a heart attack,” Dean says. Frowns, after a second. “You woke up?”

“I’ve been here the whole time, Dean,” Sam says, and Dean’s frown gets deeper before his eyes go wide. It’d be kind of funny if Sam weren’t pissed. “Like--I’m not deaf, you know?”

Dean doesn’t say anything. Sam gets up, crosses the room, and Dean doesn’t say anything still until Sam’s right in front of him--both of them in their bare feet and Sam’s got half an inch on him, even if he’s still trying to get the muscle--and Dean says finally, “Sammy, what--” but it’s a little late because Sam’s got his hands on Dean’s arms--damp, warm--and presses him back, against the door.

This close, Sam can see a red mark--a circle, on Dean’s shoulder where normally it’d be covered by a t-shirt--and he thinks, sudden sick certainty, that soon it’ll turn into a bruise. “You let him,” Sam says, and Dean looks--actually panicked. Sam squeezes his arms, rocks him a little against the door. “You let him.”

He does. Eager, like a puppy thrilled that its master came home. Dean stares back and forth between Sam’s eyes, mouth half-open waiting for an excuse to come--but there’s no excuse, they both know it, because Sam’s not deaf and he’s not blind and Dean was just in the shower, too, and there’s a mark on his shoulder, and Sam leans forward in raw stupid hope and kisses Dean. Clumsy--too much force, and their teeth clack--but he pushes in, pins their hips together, holds Dean tight, and realigns their mouths right and licks in. Dean breathes shock, doesn’t participate, and Sam tastes inside--beer, but--whiskey, too--and they haven’t had whiskey, not for weeks, and that means--that means--

Dean flinches--licks at him, too--gets his hands up and pushes at Sam’s ribs and breaks their mouths apart. Sam pants at him, an inch away. Dean’s eyes are bright, wide, his lips wet. “Sammy, what are you doing?” he says, like that’s not fucking obvious.

Sam licks his lips, tastes that phantom flavor. He lets Dean’s arms go and slides down his sides, to his hips, and presses forward until his knee’s between Dean’s knees--that open space. Space that’s maybe already been filled tonight, and the thought makes Sam’s gut lurch. Sloppy seconds. “You gonna let me, too?” he says. Dean’s hand splays against his stomach, holding, while his face goes slowly and deeply red. Sam ducks in, kisses his mouth soft and brief. Dean inhales sharp and his face, when Sam pulls back again, looks somehow dazed. Like soft isn’t what he expected. “We’re supposed to take care of each other. You and me.”

“Sam,” Dean says, rougher, and Sam cups his face in both hands and kisses him, soft, and again, and on the third Dean makes a weird small noise and holds Sam’s waist, fingers digging in, clutching and desperate. Yes, Sam thinks, groaning--yes, Dean touching him--yes, he thinks, at the car driving off into the night--because he’s Dean’s but Dean is his, and maybe with this, finally, he won’t be anyone else’s.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #429

“i’m just a bad luck charm to blame when things go wrong”

Are all-nighters something you have grown used to? God no. I have those SO rarely. I don't know how I used to do it. Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? I don't have sunglasses, and my driving permit has long since expired. Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? COLD, no. A tad chilly, very rarely. I have to be burning the hell up. What clothes are you most comfortable in? Men's pj pants and tank tops. Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? No, not anything. Have you ever unbuttoned someone else's pants? Yes. Are you good at painting nails? Nooooo. My hands are way too shaky. If it’s late at night and you’re hungry, what do you reach for? Usually a granola bar or piece of bread, lol. What word should you really probably remove from your vocabulary? I don't know. I don't really use any words I find wrong/offensive. Will you eat something if it falls on the ground? NOOOOOOOO SIR. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? God no. I'm not a vegetable fan. Do you see the value in education? Of course I do. Are you more physically flexible or situationally flexible? bitch neither lmao Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? I don't have one now, but my mom knows of some things from the past. Do you make an effort to eat healthy? Yeah. I could try harder, but I do try. Have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. I wasn't an official resident, but I was essentially always there and just counted as a guest, I guess. Would you ever be a stripper? No way in hell. Can you honestly say that you love yourself? No. Do you think that you’ve ever actually been IN love with someone? I don't just "think" it, I know very goddamn well that I was. Have you ever done a psychedelic drug? If not, would you ever consider it? No and no. Did you ever see the movie Good Burger when it came out? Not when it came out, but I've seen it and love it. How often do you clear your browser history? Never. Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Yeah man, gourmet shit. Do you consider yourself a burden to anyone? Why do you feel this way? I absolutely do. I'm just a leech at home. A financial burden to my parents since I'm unemployed. I have a lot wrong with me that my mom has to deal with. Who was the last person to carry you? Why were they carrying you? Probably Jason, realistically. I'm probably too heavy for anyone in my life to carry me now, and there hasn't ever really been a reason to besides him just being cute many years ago. Are you a clingy kind of person? If so, how has this affected your past relationships? I know I am. I'm lucky that I don't think it really affected any. I'm not OBSESSIVELY clingy at least, just moderately so. Have you ever witnessed someone drowning? Did you help in any way? Jesus, no. Have you ever felt like you just weren’t enough for someone? Who in your life has made you feel that way? I absolutely have. No one like... intentionally made me feel like that, I just felt it due to my own self-doubt. The times I've felt that that I remember have been in my only two serious relationships, but not endlessly. I'd just do something stupid and feel like it for a while. Have you ever been at a party where the cops came due to complaints?No. What were you doing the last time you spent a night away from home (or wherever you regularly reside)? I was having a sleep study to determine whether or not I had sleep apnea. Where do you like to sit when you’re on the computer? In my bed. Do you feel as though you’re good at understanding/communicating with animals? Absolutely. Are photographs important to you? Do you like to take a lot of pictures? Not incredibly important, because nothing is quite like actually experiencing that moment, but I definitely like to have some of major events. I honestly don't take a lot of pictures documenting my own life, but rather like nature and stuff. And when people pay me to take family/couple/child photos for them. Would you rather hike through the desert, the prairies, the forest, or the tundra? The forest, for sure. So long as I had my camera. If you could reconnect with someone from your past, who would it be and why? Guess. -_- What was the last game you played? Was anyone else playing with you? Do you prefer to play games alone or with others? World of Warcraft. And well, it's an MMO, so you're playing with what, thousands of other people? I mostly do solo content though, but I do usually chat with guildies when I'm on because I'm close and comfortable with them. What is the longest distance you’ve walked in a day? Idk, but definitely far. Do you prefer homemade food or restaurant food? Restaurant, sadly. What was the last new food you tried? Ummm... I want to say sweet potatoes, back at Thanksgiving. I didn't hate them, but they were okay. What is your most recent regret? I dunno, probably something really minor like eating/drinking something unhealthy. What was the last unexpected thing to happen to you? How did you react? I guess that would be the sleep apnea diagnosis. At least, that was the last big one. I can't think of anything in-between. I was very shocked, even doubtful that the results were reliable. But given how my APAP mask has almost completely solved my nightmare issue, I think it's safe to say it's correct. Name your three closest friends. Sara, Girt, and uhhh... Sam. Do you get excited or annoyed when the phone rings? Annoyed, honestly, lol. Do you prefer writing poems or stories? I prefer writing RP, which is pretty much just gradually writing stories. What pisses you off more than anything? Probably rapists, specifically when children are the victims. It's just... so, so repulsive and unforgivable to me. Like I don't understand how a human being could possibly be so diabolical as to scar someone like that. What’s the appropriate age to have sex? I think you should be adults, honestly, given the risk of pregnancy. Not that I followed that, so I can't really talk, and I know most people don't either. When you're really in love with someone and have a sexual side, it's kinda... hard to avoid 'til you're 21. Is there anybody you’re really jealous of? It's so stupid, I'll probably always be so jealous of the girl Jason dated after me. Even though I know they're not even together anymore (well, last I heard a few years ago). Is pornography evil or are you neutral about it? Meh. I'm not into it, but I don't think it's necessarily evil. I personally don't get sex without emotional commitment, but you do you, so long as you are both consenting adults being safe about it. Do you prefer to be monogamous, or are you more a casual dater or swinger? I'm strictly monogamous. I'd be way too jealous to share a partner with someone, and then there's the heightened risk of STDs, too. Have you ever had a crush on more than one person at once? Do you now? Yes, but I don't now. Who is your favorite relative? Excluding my immediate family, Uncle Rob. He is so damn funny. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I know I would, realistically. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? No. What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? It SUCKED while actually doing it, but I'm very satisfied having done around 20 minutes of cardio today at the gym. Cardio is something I 110% need in my life. Have you had any beer this week? I've never had beer. I hate the smell of it, and it's associated with memories of my dad as an alcoholic anyway. Could you cry right now? Nah, I'm in a good mood. If you could see one person right now, who would it be? I'd honestly love to hang with Sara again. Do you wear contacts? No, but I wish I did versus glasses, contacts are just WAY too tedious. What color shirt are you wearing? It's a dark teal. Song playing right now? Ha, I am STILL obsessed with Powerwolf's (but with Alissa White-Gluz's vocals) "Demons Are a Girl's Best Friend." Do you wear the seat belt in the car? Absolutely always. Please, please, wear your seat belt. Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else? Yes. There was a kid at dance who, from behind, thought I was his mother and he just ran up and hugged me from behind and I nearly had a heart attack. Do you like the color orange? Yeah; it reminds me of Halloween. Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else? Not really entirely someone else, but a much better version of myself. What is the weather like today? It's hot as shit and pretty hazy. Do you want any piercings? UGH like you have no idea. Have you given anything up for Lent? No. You do what you want, but I honestly think it's a dumb concept. Would you rather go to a rock concert or a rap concert? Rock, for certain. Have you ever dated someone that was a different race than you? Yeah; Juan was Hispanic. How old is your best friend? She's 23. What does your favorite necklace look like? It's a spiked choker with some dangling chains. It's fuckin' hot. Are you keeping a secret from anyone? I don't like the wording here. I don't have anything I'm hiding from someone in particular, and nothing they need to know at all. I just have a few inconsequential secrets I just don't share with anyone. Would you take a million dollars if it meant you had to die a month later? Uh, no thank you. Do you keep any type of diary or journal? You could say surveys are like snippets of a diary of sorts for me. I share a lot and use them to vent and just jabber on about my thoughts and feelings without exactly burdening anyone with them. What was the last thing that made you really happy? I'VE LOST A POUND SO FAR AT THE GYM!!!! :') It's been just one week, I know, big whoop, but it means A LOT to me. Prior to this, the numbers had just been gradually creeping up and up... but not anymore! :D Can you remember what you dreamed about last night? Very vaguely? Or maybe that was the night before's dream... Have you ever gotten kicked out of a class for being disruptive? Definitely not. I was a well-behaved, quiet student. Have you ever injected a drug? Noooo. Do you think the whole day is better if you smoke pot? I've never smoked. Last time you killed a bug? A while back when an ant walked over my laptop. Are you wearing perfume? What kind? No. The last male you spoke to… is he attractive? That would be my personal trainer, and yeah, he's very handsome.

[belonglab]

Gaslighting: A Tool of Oppression and Exclusion

by Alisha Patel, Communications & Research Fellow at GenLead|BelongLab

February 2, 2021

“I don’t see color.” This is one of the most common phrases people will use to defend themselves against accusations of racism. It isn’t the best, but at least it’s not explicitly racist, right? In a culture where calling out institutional and systemic racism feels like an ongoing battle that’s fought tiny steps at a time, that phrase feels like an adequate place to start. However, this phrase is actually a form of racial gaslighting, and its acceptance only perpetuates stereotypes and the racism we are trying to fight.

Gaslighting in general is a form of manipulation and psychological abuse where the perpetrator convinces the victim that they are imagining or overreacting to abuse. Over time, this can solidify the perpetrator’s position of power over the victim, turning it into an ongoing cycle of abuse. The effects of gaslighting are extensive-- the victim will start to second guess themselves and their judgments. While this form of manipulation is often talked about with regard to personal relationships, it can additionally be used to to cloak bigotry like racism.

Racial Gaslighting

Racial gaslighting often is used to excuse microaggressions in all forms. It can invalidate someone’s experience of perceived racism by subtly denying their feelings and emotions, excusing implicit comments meant to demean or discredit them, or even excusing explicit attacks on them. Its effects are grave; it subtly reinforces and sustains racial and social hierarchies that inevitably hurt minority groups. Not only does racial gaslighting allow stereotypes to continue, but it also degrades the victim’s sense of self and teaches them to invalidate their own instincts and judgments.

For example, imagine if someone had experienced racism in the workplace and attempted to tell a fellow coworker about the incident; instead of empathizing, the coworker reassured the victim “it couldn’t possibly be racism,” “it is all in your head,” or “you’re too sensitive.” Statements like this place the perpetrator in a position of power and control under the guise of morality, while undermining the victim’s experience as lesser-than. In turn, the victim can develop feelings of anxiety and depression as they start believing they cannot trust themselves and cannot express their emotions outwardly. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Roberta Babb, racial gaslighting also, “overtly and covertly erodes a person’s sense of self, self-worth, agency and confidence.” Thus, racial gaslighting feeds internalized oppression and Imposter Syndrome.

Racial gaslighting is so common that it is sometimes difficult to tell when it is happening, and it can even be unconscious or unintentional. Normalized phrases like “I don’t see color” seem to mean well at first glance, but in actuality serve to invalidate the struggles of a minority group while erasing the group’s lived history. It tells the listener, quite unequivocally, “I am not racist. What you are perceiving as racism on my part cannot possibly be racism.” Phrases like these are un-nuanced and oversimplified takes that may have been accepted in the past, but as we learn more about deep and entrenched racism, we see they are outdated, insensitive, and quite frankly, racist.

This type of manipulation often is used by mainstream media and people in power, ingraining its use in our culture and further highlighting the power dynamics underpinning racial gaslighting. Think of Donald Trump and his response to protest movements through the past year: On one hand, he refused to condemn Neo-Nazi protestors, saying there were “fine people on both sides.” But he mischaracterized Black Lives Matter protests calling for an end to police brutality as thugs and threatened them with the National Guard, warning “when the looting starts, the shooting starts.” He then mischaracterized the white supremacist, violent insurrection he incited on January 6th as a march, declaring his love for the insurrectionists. According to Trump, white supremacists are allowed the benefit of the doubt and could possibly be good people at heart. Yet, those in support of black lives are automatically dangerous and should be perceived as a threat. With these statements, Donald Trump at once validates the platform of white supremacists while invalidating black lives in the United States and negating the idea that racism is a problem; he normalizes the presence of white supremacy while revealing the inability of the country to acknowledge its inherent racism and bigotry. Anyone witnessing photos and images of how the BLM protesters were treated versus how the white supremacist insurrectionists were treated at our Capitol can see that racial gaslighting has deeply permeated our country systemically and is a problem that outlives the Trump presidency.

Gender Gaslighting

Also problematic is gender gaslighting, where a woman may not feel comfortable voicing concerns about sexism because her concerns are automatically dismissed. Consider a woman -- let’s call her Jana -- who has been working for a company for many years and is very qualified for a promotion. Yet every time Jana expects to be promoted, a man is given the promotion instead, even though he has had less time at the company and is not as qualified. Jana may attempt to discuss this with her boss, but he insists it has nothing to do with her gender; he tells her she is overanalyzing the situation and being over-sensitive. While it is possible that Jana’s boss could be telling the truth, it is more likely that her gender is in fact playing a role in not receiving a promotion, as this pattern has repeated multiple times. However, Jana has learned that she does not have a space to speak up about this sexism, will likely be negatively judged for speaking up and thus have an even harder time getting that promotion, and therefore most likely will not attempt to speak up again. This is the same situation that is seen with racial gaslighting-- the cycle will continue for Jana, and her emotions may inevitably turn inwards, convincing her that she is not qualified for any promotion and deserves to be limited to her current level.

COVID-19 Gaslighting

We even see gaslighting around COVID-19. As a college student at a very urban university, the pandemic has shaken up every single aspect of college life. Though my school has adjusted as best as possible (we are tested twice a week and receive our results within 24 hours; most classes are online and if they aren’t, there are usually less than five people in-person, all socially-distanced; so on and so forth), interacting with other students and people my age really reveals the mindset around the pandemic.

As the pandemic has raged on, it feels as though people have accepted its presence, or stopped caring altogether. It’s a stark difference from the first lockdown in March, where it felt (at least for the most part) that everyone was on the same page. But now, instead of staying inside and mitigating the impacts of the pandemic, it feels as though it’s now a matter of working around the pandemic to do things we used to do. Those who are still staying inside have become more of the minority than the majority, and are sometimes gaslighted to feel overly paranoid for continuing to take the pandemic seriously. This gaslighting is clearly very harmful to society as a whole, as it simultaneously perpetuates coronavirus while undermining common sense and the empathy to care about the collective nation.

COVID gaslighting can exist on a small interpersonal level. Consider a situation where two friends want to get together, but one is insisting on following social distancing regulations while the other is suggesting to abandon them altogether. The one wanting to abandon social distancing may claim that they have both been isolating themselves since the beginning of the pandemic, and it is unlikely that they could infect each other. They may go on to call their friend overly paranoid of the virus and accuse them of not wanting to get together. Though this is not actually the case, the friend who was attempting to follow COVID regulations is made to be the villain, which is a common gaslighting mechanism.

Even worse, COVID gaslighting has been perpetuated by some people in power, who can afford to preach a careless and selfish mentality around COVID-19 because, even when they contract the virus, they have the money, power, and resources to combat it. Meanwhile, they continue to manipulate the American public into believing that COVID is not something to be taken seriously.Their followers adopt the same invincible mindset, but it is clear that they -- and most other average Americans -- are not in the same situation and do not have the same money and resources to combat COVID if needed. The situation is even worse for identity groups that have been historically oppressed.

Many Black and brown communities are disproportionately affected by COVID-19: African-Americans deaths are two times higher than would be expected for their population, and it is the same for Hispanics and Latinos. On the other hand, white deaths from COVID are “lower than their share of the population in 37 states.” These disparities result from institutionalized and systemic racism (fed by racial gaslighting) that has been snowballing since our country’s inception.

Combatting Racism by Contending with Gaslighting

It is in no way, shape, or form the victim’s responsibility to attempt to change their gaslighter’s behavior. Instead, it is important for us to create safe spaces for these victims to be heard and validated. Thus, putting a stop to gaslighting begins by looking inwardly at our own behavior and preconceived biases; particularly, if you find yourself recognizing some of the behaviors symptomatic of gaslighting, it may be wise to engage in self-introspection and attempt to accept some responsibility. Though some gaslighting may be done unintentionally or what you believed to be well-meaning, it clearly is still harmful and must be mitigated. To confront the biases that may underlie your possible gaslighting of others, you can also take this online test that examines and assesses internal biases that you may not have even noticed (it takes about 10-15 minutes). Attempt to challenge these internal biases, and pay attention to how they affect your interactions with others.

Additionally, be prepared and open to truly listen to and learn from other people and their experiences, and focus on increasing your awareness of others’ circumstances. These steps can begin the process of acknowledging gaslighter responsibility. By first starting on a personal scale, we can expand this introspection to a larger scale and begin holding the racist systems in our country accountable.

If you find yourself a victim of gaslighting, it is important to safeguard your mental health. This can be done by taking a step back from the situation and removing yourself from the environment to consider the hurtful behavior and resulting emotions. You can write down your thoughts to affirm your judgement as valid and for reference if necessary. It also can be helpful to talk with other members of your identity group and share experiences like this. Affirmation from others with similar circumstances can validate your experience of harmful gaslighting and remind you that you are not alone. This can help you to trust yourself more as well as recognize the gaslighting as it is happening.

In the moment gaslighting is occurring, it is important to call out the behavior publicly (when possible and safe to do so), showing the perpetrator and others in proximity that the behavior is inappropriate and will not be tolerated. Further (again, to the extent safe and not harmful), you can talk one-on-one with the perpetrator to discuss the behavior, making sure to describe the behavior and why it is harmful. Setting boundaries (e.g., taking a step back, removing yourself from the situation, as described above) will help to loosen any grip the negative environment or perpetrator may have on you.

As an ally, it is important to help support victims of racial gaslighting by helping to call out the unacceptable behavior, as well as creating a safe space for victims to express themselves and be heard and respected. Make sure that what you are doing is not self-indulgent or performative, but rather is truly helpful to the victim and in their self interest.

Combatting racism in a present day context is not an easy task -- it is extremely complicated and has far-reaching and entrenched roots in the United States. That said, the task should begin with dismantling the practices that perpetuate racism on interpersonal and societal scales. By recognizing racial gaslighting, it is possible to disrupt stereotypes and racial hierarchies, while also offering the historically oppressed, excluded, and marginalized a safe space to speak and be heard, which uncloaks hard truths from underneath imposed false narratives. Those who insist they don’t see color are not seeing people of color and their lived experiences.

Without seeing the hard truths, we are unable to address them.