#i am so exhausted and queasy though

[lokislittlesigyn]

// personal, therapy mention, positive !!!!

good thing:

i am exhausted and queasy after therapy but i watched a clip from iw and that feels like a win.

[luulapants]

Existential despair is so common in a person's twenties, I think, because up until that point, we've had a pretty clear road map for what's expected of us and we haven't had much reason to question that map. There are still a few milestones outlined for us (start a career, get married, make babies) but more and more young people are entering the post-school world and realizing:

A) that career thing just isn't happening like they said it would

B) I'm not ready to get married/I don't want to get married/marriage isn't the sort of life-altering event that it used to be

C) I'm not ready to make babies/I don't want a baby/I can't afford to raise children right now (see point A)

And in the absence of these milestones to shoot for (which one could argue weren't the promise of fulfillment they claimed to be in the first place), what we're left with is this aimless abyss of "the rest of our lives" sprawling out ahead of us with no indication of how it will go or what we should be doing to shape it. Young people start their first jobs, find they hate them, and think to themselves, "Is this it? Am I just supposed to do this job until I'm too old to do it or die first?"

Which is, yeah, really fucking depressing!! So here's my best attempt at an alternate roadmap for young people that don't vibe with the old model. Please feel free to add in your own suggestions!

Learn how you work and what you want out of a job. Unless you've been in a job-specific training program that gives you hands-on experience, your first jobs should be experiments. Learn how a full-time job feels for you, what elements are more or less difficult. Different workplaces have different cultures and expectations - what do you need out of a job environment? Do you need to find fulfillment in your job or is it enough for it to pay the bills and leave you time to find outside fulfillment? Do you want to climb a corporate ladder or are you content to hunker down as long as your bills get paid? This period of experimentation is exhausting and may feel like it's consuming your whole life.

Learn how to make time for things outside of work. Adapting to a full-time work environment often leaves you feeling so drained that you can't do anything but go home and collapse on the couch every day. That's fine - for a little while. But it can also become a habit. You need to learn how to do things after work or you'll go crazy. Go to a trivia night. Start an exercise schedule. Take a class in your community. Find volunteer work. Join a band. You will find that putting more things into your day makes you feel like you have more time, not less.

Find a community. Making friends as an adult can feel impossible. Where do you find these mysterious friends everyone seems to have?? This goes along with #2, though. As you start regularly attending the same activities, you will find that repeat interactions with the same people turn into friendships or at least friendly acquaintances. Say yes to invitations. Get involved in your local community. Strive to be connected enough to bump into people at the grocery store.

Unlearn bad lessons. We all internalize some messed up things when we're growing up. As you start off your adult life, that's the time to actively work at unpacking the things you've brought with you from childhood and deciding which things are helping you and which things are harming you. This might mean therapy or joining a spiritual group or reading new things or just making special time to be in your own head.

Learn the lessons you missed. In this, I mostly mean practical things. "Adulting." Areas of your day-to-day practical life that are causing you extreme stress are probably related to a knowledge or experience gap. Do you hate cooking and cleaning or were you not taught how to do it properly? Are you afraid of making medical appointments or is it just something new you're not used to? Does money make you queasy or do you need to learn how to make a budget?

Find something fulfilling. This can be your job. It can be volunteer work. It can be faith. It can be a hobby. It can be creating things. It can be challenging yourself physically. It can be activism. It can be going for walks in nature. Everyone finds fulfillment in different places. If you're not finding it where you are, look somewhere else.

[irisintheafterglow]

...but I don't like a gold rush

summary: you're dynamight's publicist and, by some joke by fate, you fell in love with him. you're pissed about it.

wc: 1.3k

cw/tags: swearing, mutual pining, both kats and reader are emotionally constipated, happy ending

note: was listening to a taylor swift love songs playlist on spotify and this popped into my head. short and sweet, hope you like it all my bakugirlies <3 will be back to your regularly scheduled programming of jjk angst and jackals crack shortly

likes, reblogs, and replies are appreciated!

"this is a disgusting feeling and i hate it. how do i get rid of it?"

"you're in love, babe. there is no 'getting rid of it' unless you find someone else to hyper-fixate on," your best friend reminds you and you groan out of frustration for the millionth time. "might i suggest deku? or maybe shoto? if you want a smoking hot pro, he's definitely not the only one around." her mouth quirks teasingly and you half-heartedly chuck a pillow in her direction.

"he's the only one i want, though, and that's the fucking problem," you lament, "it's so embarrassing."

"have you considered the possibility that he might be interested in you, too? you're already around him 24/7." you bark out a humorless laugh. what a joke. the words "bakugo katsuki" and "reciprocating feelings" did not belong in the same sentence.

"i'm his publicist. it's my job to be around him 24/7." she shrugs indifferently and gives you a skeptical look that makes your face heat up. "am i out of my mind? falling in love with a coworker?"

"considering that your coworker declined the 'sexiest hero alive' award three times now, it's not that far-fetched," she admits and it makes your stomach feel even more queasy. your unease must have finally gotten through to her as she sits up from her bed and determinedly meets your eyes through the reflection of the mirror. "look. any man worth talking to will pass out when he sees you in that," she states, gesturing at the modest but elegant dress covering your body. "if bakugo doesn't realize how much of a catch you are, then you shouldn't waste another breath in his direction."

the sentiment was easier said than done, unfortunately.

the only thought in your mind was him, from the moment the car picked you up from your friend's apartment to stepping onto the carpet of the awards show. crowds of eager fans cheer when you open the door, shouting your name and recognizing you as the brain behind their favorite hero's appearances. you flip a switch in your head, instantly becoming the professional that reassures the cameras and politely answers interviewers' questions. eventually, in what feels like no time at all, the unmarked limo carrying the man you were stupidly in love with pulls into the roundabout drop-off. you try your hardest to keep your composure as his friends exit the vehicle: mina in her sparkly pink gown, deku in his sleek green suit, kirishima in a sheer top that leaves no chiseled muscle uncovered. your breath catches in your throat when he's the last to appear and the frantic screams of the fans fade to nothing when his eyes search the chaos and zero in on you.

"you're late," you say quietly when he's within earshot and he huffs an incredulous laugh.

"and you're stunning," he replies without missing a beat. you don't miss the way his gaze rakes over your body and you despise the way he instantly can set your face on fire. his casual flirting infuriated you to no end, especially when he spoke in that low tone that should only be reserved for...private activities.

"if you think flattery will save you from a lecture, you're deeply mistaken," you force out and pray that he can't hear the waver in your voice. the butterflies in your gut feel like a flock of unruly pigeons. "but, that'll have to wait for after the show. you've got cameras just up ahead."

"this is fucking exhausting," he grunts and you can't help the chuckle that leaves your lips. bright red eyes flick over to you and you swear you can see a cocky glint in them.

"you just got here."

"and? i'm only here for as long as you want to be here," he says and it makes your legs gelatinous. "say the word and we're leaving. no questions asked."

"you're the one who's getting awards tonight," you point out, trying to ignore the way your body naturally gravitated toward his until you were nearly shoulder-to-shoulder in the crowd. at some point, his arm stations itself to float just above your waist, creating a larger bubble for you to breathe without making contact with your body. "you don't wanna stick around to receive them?"

"nah." he shakes his head and waves his other hand in carefree dismissal. "i know that anything i say will just get me in trouble later." his mouth becomes a smirk and you catch him winking at you before making his way toward the flashing lights and calls of his name. you wait patiently for him to finish posing for the insatiable paparazzi, occasionally walking out to fix his collar or brush a strand of hair from his forehead. the burn of his stare doesn't go unnoticed when you're right in front of him, fixing a button on his shirt.

"stop looking at me like that," you mutter and he flashes a sharp tooth in amusement. he knew what he was doing to you; it was impossible for him not to know from the way your hands shook on his collar.

"i wasn't kidding when i said you looked stunning, sweetheart," he murmurs and you have to blink a few times to fix the short circuit in your brain. "you ever gonna tell me how you feel or am i just gonna keep making advances to a brick wall?"

"you have absolutely no concept of-"

"publicist, get out of the way!" you both stiffen and you futilely shake your head the tiniest bit. he doesn't hesitate, and his hand gently pushes you out of the light so he can properly yell at whoever dares to tell you what to do. unlike most of his outbursts, though, his use of profanity and insults toward one's mother was kept to a minimum; it made the true attacks of undermining the reporter's professionalism even sweeter.

"and just for the record," he concludes, "i do whatever they tell me to do, so don't think you can disrespect them and get away with it, 'cause that's never gonna fucking happen. got it?" the shocked reporters nod meekly and bakugo unceremoniously exits the photo area, returning to your side like nothing happened. "i'm sorry about them."

"you shouldn't have done that."

"you're gonna lecture me for defending you?"

"no, not that. the thing you said before we got interrupted," you say, your voice barely a whisper that only he can hear. "about making advances toward a brick wall."

"you mad that i compared you to a brick wall? because it really does seem like that sometimes-"

"no, you idiot." you finally turn to face him and pull him into a quiet corner. "i'm upset because, if this is a joke, it's not funny." he gapes at you for a few seconds, as if he couldn't comprehend what you just said.

"you think," he says slowly, "that i'm joking about liking you." you nod in assent and he drags his hand down his face. you can already hear the protests of his makeup artist, but you don't really care right now. "alright, fine. maybe i'm the idiot in this situation."

"what do you mean?"

"i like you, stupid, and i'm not kidding." his words sounded like they were foreign on his tongue like it was hard for him to voice his feelings aloud. "you deal with my bullshit and you're so fucking pretty, i wanna pass out. get it?"

"mhmm," you hum dumbly, still processing what he was saying. some part of you still was saying that it was a sick joke, but the way his eyes soften when you finally look up at him confirms all that you need to know. bakugo katsuki was irrevocably, uncontrollably in love with you.

and it surprised him just as much as it did you.

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

[randomshyperson]

As It Was - Wanda Maximoff Oneshots

Summary: Secrets don’t last forever, especially inside a fantasy. But you make sure to kiss her hard before it’s time to go. | Based (slightly) on “As it Was” by Harry Styles. | Part Two

Warnings: (+18), some brief smut, it’s angst but sexy and hopeful ending, milf!wanda, age gap, ex-lovers meeting again, implied cheating and lying. | Words: 1.638k

A/N-> Not me writing Hex again. I want to write something about cowboys, but I have no ideas. Guess the only solution is not to write at all.

General Masterlist | AO3 | Wattpad | Song-Based Collection

-&-

It was supposed to be a one-night thing.

But Wanda was waking up in your bed again. Red hair sprawled on her pillow, a soft, satisfied sigh as she felt her muscles exhausted by the previous night's efforts. The feel of your lips is still fresh in her memory.

The natural instinct, not the first, because whenever she woke up in your bed her first reaction was to cover her body and look for the door. But the second was to look for you. Groping around the bed, Wanda opened her eyes as she felt the empty space. Before she could be overcome by guilt and brief irony that you would have been the first to leave this time, she found your figure. Sitting on the windowsill of the motel room, a cigarette between your fingers almost burned out completely.

It was still night, and Wanda wanted to look at you for a moment in the moonlight, to try to remember how beautiful your half-naked figure was. Not that she could ever forget.

"Come back to bed." She asked in a low tone, even though in a few hours, she would probably be the one to leave on the sly. With nothing more than a chaste kiss on your cheek.

You offered nothing more than a sad smile and Wanda knew immediately that something was different tonight.

Against the will of her own weary limbs, she forced herself up. Dragging the sheet wrapped around her body with her, until she was behind you, arms around your naked torso.

"Lie down with me, sweetheart." She insisted in a whisper against your ear. "We still have time."

You flicked the cigarette away, and entwined your hands together over your belly, but didn't move any more than necessary.

"I'm not sleepy." You replied, a little hoarsely. "But you can lie down if you want. I like to watch you sleep, you always seem... so peaceful and carefree when you do."

Wanda rested her chin on your shoulder, a smile playing on her lips. "It's how I always am around you."

You chuckled, weak and short. "We both know this isn't true." The direct statement surprised her, but Wanda just sighed the tension away and continued to hold you without pulling away.

"I'll be busy next week, darling. We should enjoy the little bit of time we have." She insisted last, hoping to win this argument. But you pushed your tongue behind your teeth and released one of her hands to push your hair straight back.

"What was it that you said it would make you busy, dear?" You retorted, and Wanda hummed distracted by the spots on your back. 

"Work." She grumbles, pleased to see you turning around, finally. But your gaze is different, a determined glint in your irises making her look at you curiously.

"I thought it was with the boys' soccer club." 

Wanda frowns, then smiles awkwardly, shaking her head. "Yeah, you're right. I guess I forgot." She mumbles, swallowing dryly at your watchful gaze studying her. She feels like she got caught in a lie, even if she didn't. Clearing her throat, she loosens you up. "I'm cold, I'm going back to bed. Are you sure...?"

You just nodded, and she sighed in defeat. She wrapped her arms around herself and moved to the mattress, but didn't get to lie down. She turned to you again, with a very queasy feeling in her chest.

"What's wrong? You're acting strange." She accused worriedly, and you hesitated before your shoulders relaxed. The forced smile on your lips didn't make you feel any more confident.

"I'm just tired of sharing you with him, but I don't want to have this conversation again."

"Babe..."

"I mean it, Wanda." You question her as you approach. "We don't fight while in our time together, okay? It's our agreement. And you're right, it is cold. I should be a gentleman and warm you up."

She opens her mouth to protest, but you kiss her firmly, swallowing her gasp of surprise and all the next ones until they become needy against your tongue. Her hands grab your shoulders, and close behind your neck as yours pull the comforter to the floor and drag her back to bed.

You've been together a dozen times now, Wanda remembers them all, and yet it seems to get better and more delicious each time your mouth is against hers, your fingers inside her most sensitive part as they are now. The innate talent you seem to have of driving her to insanity.

It started weeks, maybe months ago. Time is tricky. But it was in the spring, when the boys grew from 5 to 10 in the blink of an eye, and Vision decided there was something very wrong with their perfect life. And Wanda allowed herself to wonder about marriage, and about the people she left behind.

And you reappeared. Her former love from her youth was frozen forever in the 24 years of a volunteer who never returned from Hydra. It was like they told Wanda, no one survived contact with the stone but her and her brother.

So ever since you showed up, willing to continue a relationship that never came to an end for you, Wanda kept you. Part of her knows it's wrong, that you didn't see the truth, but the other can't bring herself to say goodbye to you a second time in her life.

"Yes! Oh, baby, right there-" Her moans are music to your ears. Wanda grips your hair tightly, keeping your face between her legs. You're too busy with the task of bringing her to climax in your mouth to look up and see the irises redden as the warm cheeks, but Wanda can feel you smiling against her. "Fuck, I missed you! I love-"

But she chokes on her own dizzy confessions of pleasure, breaking into a whimper as she cums in your mouth. You force your face against her, licking her clean until you come up again, to kiss her.

Wanda is tired, you two did this so many times last night that the recent orgasm barely lets her feel her legs.

"I can't anymore." She lets you know with a satisfied, exhausted sigh, smiling at the chaste kisses you deposit on her cheeks as she calms down.

Your laugh is short and hearty. "When did you turn into an old woman, Maximoff?" You tease amusedly, looking at her again. And Wanda stares back at you, raising her hands to stroke your face. 

Her eyes water. You haven't changed a bit, not a single trace. It's exactly as she saw you last time, so many years before in your mother country. Gone, just like you.

Her tears make you hesitate immediately. "Oh, baby, I was only joking." You assure, kissing the tip of her nose. "You're not old, I promise. You're beautiful, Wanda. And you're perfect, I swear it-"

She giggles tearfully, nodding softly before pulling your face against hers again. It's an intense kiss, but not as feverish as before. You rest into her, and Wanda strokes your cheek as you part.

"Don't lie to me, I know you're a heavy sleeper. What's haunting this pretty head of yours?"

You take a deep breath, hugging her. "It was just a stupid nightmare. It didn't even make sense." That's what you mumble, kissing her skin. 

"What was it about?"

"You." 

Wanda resists sleep. "Me?" But you slide your thigh between her legs, and the sensitivity makes her jump away. Your hands steady her waist, and Wanda grunts affectedly. "I don't think I can-"

"Nonsense." You retort with a mischievous grin, and Wanda realizes you've only laid down to get better access to her bare breasts, which you cup in one go, making her arch her back. You suck hard before releasing it with a pop. "You used to beat me at this, always the last one to fall asleep..."

Your fingers slipped inside again, and Wanda panted affectedly, one hand digging its nails into your back. "God, that was a long time ago!" She fought back with her eyes tightly closed, feeling her body twitch with the slow stroking inside her. But you just hum distractedly, gaining a rhythm inside her that makes her moan deeply. 

"It's odd." You confess in a low tone, sure that Wanda isn't even hearing your words by the way she's panting and squirming on the mattress. "I can't figure out exactly how much no matter how hard I try to remember."

She comes in a high-pitched cry, squirting onto your hand and all over the bed. The moan is pornographic enough to attract all your attention and push all insecurities to the back of your mind.

Wanda can't even keep her eyes open anymore. "'Can't…Not anymore."

"Shush, I know, you did so amazing, babe." You soothe her, removing your fingers and kissing her skin. "You can sleep, I'll take care of you."

Despite her exhaustion, she clung to you as tightly as she could. You sighed and waited to make sure she was asleep to relieve the dampness of the bed with the help of your abilities.

With the bed dry, and a sleeping witch, you got up and returned to the window. It took another moment to light another cigarette and pull out the phone card that had mysteriously appeared in your pocket this morning.

Agatha Harkness, magical consultant - it read on the back. On the other side, impeccable handwriting.  

"Come see me at this address when you get tired of pretending you don't remember everything you did for her."

With a sigh, you returned the card to your pocket. You offered the sleeping woman another look before leaving the room. The Westview Motel sign flickered when you closed the door.

-&-

Part Two

[mrsmiagreer]

Milo was preparing to go to bed. It was around 11pm, and he got a text from Sweetheart saying that they had to stay late again tonight, a particular investigation going a little longer than usual, and that they were gonna have to “chaperone” the cop this time. He lightly chuckled at the text before heading to their room.

Of course he was always a little worried about Sweetheart’s safety in their field, but he knew they could handle themselves. He did feel a little unsettled in his stomach though. He shouldn’t have dismissed it.

3:47 am

“Shit—”

Milo slowly blinked awake as he heard noise in the living room. He figured it was Sweetheart and rolled over to check his phone for the time. It was almost 4, and he never received a text saying they were on their way. “Sweetheart?”

When he didn’t get an answer he got up, basically sleep walking to the living room where he heard them. “Baby what happened?? Is that your blood? Are you hurt?!”

Sweetheart was sprawled across their couch, super tired and a little queasy from the events of the night. They explained to him that while they were investigating, some guy who claimed he was “Anti-Department” caught them off guard and shot them in the side. They told Milo that it wasn’t that bad, and that the cop they were with knew a decent amount of healing magic so their wound is healed completely. Now they’re just exhausted.

“I’m sorry baby. I would have picked you up if you called, you didn’t have to drive home. Can I do anything for you?”

He ended up running a bath for them, and afterward massaging the area along with the rest of their back until they would fall asleep for the night.

Milo couldn’t believe they were being so calm about this. Was this a normal occurrence for them?! How many times have they been casually shot, or stabbed, tased, anything like that? They didn’t even call him, they drove home themselves, and had the nerve to try and be quiet when they got home because HE was asleep, as if they weren’t in this life threatening predicament about an hour ago. They’re so strong, he thought, maybe too strong sometimes.

This event did end up worrying Milo a little more than he’d like it to, because they will have to go back to work and risk something like this again or worse, but for the moment, he just wanted them to be safe and comfortable.

“Thank you, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to worry you or wake you”

“It’s okay Sweetheart. You have nothing to apologize for. ‘f anything like this happens again you don’t be scared to call me and wake me up, you hear me? I love you, just want you to be safe”

“I love you too” they smiled, silently telling him that they can’t make any promises, but he knew they’d try their best.

He kissed them goodnight and stayed up for a while after they fell asleep to watch for any signs of discomfort or nightmares.

————————————————————————-

A/N: Literally not even correctly proofread, sorry there might be some TW in here that i forgot to add warnings to but i’m pretty tired and don’t feel like going back and looking for them all

[slayonehundredninetytwo]

In the event you get a free moment for a mini fic,

Poor Channie gets food poisoning from some takeout he ordered and spends an evening hunched over a bucket, nauseous and burpy. Every now and then a bit of sick comes up his throat, but always goes back down which makes him feel sicker.

Maybe Felix stays with him, rubs his back, play with his curly hair, and talks to him in English to keep him calm when his nausea gets too much. Maybe Minho checks in every so often to see if he's been sick or is still queasy.

sorry this took so long, i didn’t have free moment for a mini fic 😅 it also kinda was more like a full length one anyway. Suprise!

~Spicing it Up~

Yet another late night spent working on music for the latest comeback, it was all Chan had grown to know. Which meant when his stomach growled at him angrily for food, he pulled out his phone and opened his door dash and clicked the place he usually gets from. But wait. He had that last night? Why not spice it up and try something new! He clicked off that restaurant and searched for something else. He found a small local takeout place and placed his order, before getting back to work.

-

Sometimes, spicing up your usual door dash is not the best idea, which Chan soon learned late that night once he returned to his dorm. It was maybe 1 AM, earlier than he usually would get home, but tonight he felt strangely uncomfortable after dinner in his office, and decided he could head home and finish up at the dorm. By the time he got there, he felt severely worse. His stomach was swirling annd full, he felt awful. He probably had over done it with the food, although he didn’t remember eating all that much of it. Must of just been extra filling. When he opened the door to the apartment, he was surprised to see Minho and Felix sitting on the couch.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“Well we were watching a movie with Jisung.” Minho said sounding a little annoyed.

“But he got tired and went to bed, so we’re finishing up the movie ourselves before we head home to our place.” Felix cut in, being the ball of sunshine he is, there was not a hint of annoyance in his voice, in contrast to Minho.

“Mind if I join? I was gonna do so work but i’m not feeling it tonight and you guys (A/N- the urge to put y’all😭) are here anyway.”

“Of course we don’t mind!” Minho said, patting the cushion next to him.

Chan melted into the couch, exhausted.

“You okay Chris?” Felix said to him, noticing how he curled in on himself.

“Yeah. My stomach hurts a bit.” He responded, wrapping his arm around his stomach.

“Have you eaten?” Felix said, concerned.

“Yes. I think that’s the problem.”

Minho was trying to translate the English, but eventually gave up and watched the movie.

“Did you eat too much? What did you eat?” Felix asked, seemingly turning on his big brother mode that he would use if Olivia wasn’t feeling well, even though he is younger than Chan.

“I tried a new place tonight. I don’t remember eating a lot of it, but I must have.”

“Or maybe the new place simply isn’t agreeing with you.”

“I guess.”

They sat and watched the movie in silence for a while, until the silence was finally broken by Chan, still speaking in English, much to Minho’s annoyance since he was experiencing some FOMO from barely understanding the conversation. Couldn’t they just speak Korean for his sake.

“I’m gonna vomit.”

Vomit… what does that mean again? He’s gonna what? Minho couldn’t quite recall. Minho figured it was not good, seeing Felix’s eyes widen as he hurriedly stood up and rushed to get something as Chan put his head between his knees. Minho put two and two together that his hyung was nauseous, and placed a hand on Chan’s back, just as Felix returned with a bucket.

“It going to be be a-okay, Chan. Don’t worry. It will be over before you know it.” Felix stated reassuringly as he gave Chan the bucket. Felix instructed Chan to sit up, just as he ducked his head into the bucket with a retch. Nothing. He just hung there over the bucket salivating into the bucket as he stared at the bottom. The next retch came with some liquid but it didn’t want to come all the way up. It burned his throat and made him gag more, still unproductively. Minho stood to get him some water and things, as Felix quietly comforted him, his accent reminded him of home which helped him feel a little less miserable as the nausea was so very awful.

It took almost an hour for anything to really come up. And once it did, it brought up everything Chan had in him. It tore through him painfully, but once it was done, it was a huge relief. He could finally breathe. The nausea was becoming insufferable, he was just glad it was over, for now atleast.

“You did good, Chan” Minho said, in English, as he handed him the water bottle.

🫶

[takeyourcyanide]

Mutt

(Soul Eater Fanfiction)

Word count: 3 501

Summary: Stein, after having dissected an injured cardinal, attempts to find out whether or not he’d feel guilt if he were to do the same to his friends.

Note(s): Parts of this have been proofread, parts have not.

A bone-chilling gust of wind whipped along the desert of Death City, rustling Stein’s silver hair, as he walked along the cobblestone paths, observing the marvelously grey, winter skies above him.

The world around him looked disturbingly fake and he scanned it, though he paid that feeling no mind once he came across an injured cardinal on the ground in front of him. It was twitching like a bug on its back, seemingly gasping for air, attempting to flap its wings and fly again. Stein, with his frigid hands encased in the warmth of his favorite pair of gloves, picked the bird up, holding it close to his person. It was evidently too exhausted to work up the energy to peck him, to panic and leap from his arms. It was close to death, it only needed a little nudge to fall over the edge, straight into non-existence.

Stein turned around, marching back in the direction of his and Spirit’s shared apartment. A surge of a welcomed emotion he hadn’t felt in a little while grappled at his chest; it was curiosity. He had never managed to dissect a bird before, as, unfortunately, they possessed wings and the ability to fly, an ability Stein did not.

A victorious grin tugged at the corners of the meister’s mouth for the first time in a long time, as he glanced down at the chirping bird. The noises it produced sounded pained and desperate.

He’d put the poor birdie out of its misery.

……

Stein held the weeping bird in the crook of his arm, outstretching his free arm in order to gently turn the doorknob.

Once he entered the quaint apartment, he saw Spirit to his left, a delicious smell wafting over from their kitchen, as the weapon cooked what Stein could presume was Spaghetti.

“Hey, Stein-“ Spirit turned his head for a brief moment, peering at the male, only to nearly jump out of his own clothing at a certain sight he had not expected whatsoever. “-What the hell?!”

He truly needed to learn to expect the unexpected from his unpredictable partner.

“It’s a bird,” Stein matter-of-factly stated, his expression unchanging as he shimmied out of his coat, playing hot potato with the cardinal.

“Yeah, I can see it’s a bird, but why do you have it?” He questioned, his face contorting into one of disgust, confusion, and surprise. “Don’t tell me that thing’s been dead for a week.”

“No, it’s still alive, but barely. I found it on the ground,” Stein elucidated. “I’ve wanted to dissect a bird for a while, though I really wanted a crane…”

Spirit checked over the pasta one last time before walking over to the pair, giving the blinking bird a once over.

“Poor thing,” Spirit drawled, staring sympathetically down at the struggling animal. “You know, it’s a little mean of you to rip its guts out when it’s so down in the dumps and vulnerable.”

“Am I not putting it out of its misery? It would’ve died a slow, painful death, anyway, no?” Stein pointed out, kicking his shoes off and walking towards his bedroom to lay it down onto one of his steel, medical trays.

“You have a point there,” the scythe admitted, nodding his head back in forth to the side in consideration, making his way back to his former position in order to stir the softening noodles once again.

Stein placed down the creature with a gentle plop, laying a small towel over its body like a blanket. He left his door open upon leaving, hoping to make sure that the bird wouldn’t fall off of his wooden desk.

“That cardinal reminds me of you, Spirit,” Stein plainly said, sending shivers down Spirit’s spine. He was almost certain that Stein wasn’t trying to creep him out, but the way in which he spoke, and the fact that he was planning on cutting the animal open left him feeling queasy.

“Why?” Spirit confusedly inquired, squinting his eyes in suspicion.

Stein moved to stand next to Spirit, observing him with wide, curious eyes as he poured the spaghetti into the strainer.

“Because its feathers are the same color as your hair,” he explained, retrieving the needed sauce and handing it to his crimson-haired partner.

Spirit mumbled a small and distracted “thanks,” dousing the noodles in pasta sauce.

A sudden and wicked smirk appeared on Stein’s face whilst he watched the clumpy red liquid smear over the pale yellow food.

“What are you so giddy about?” The weapon chuckled, grabbing both of them bowls and silverware.

“Oh, nothing… Just thinking about all the blood that’ll pour out of that little bird’s body,” the mad meister spoke in a sing-song, happy-go-lucky voice.

“Fuck you, dude, that’s weird,” Stein giggled malevolently as the two of them sat down at their round dining table.

……

“How can you do that shit right after eating?” Spirit yelled out to Stein, of whom was already slinking back into his bedroom.

“I don’t know, it just doesn’t bother me,” Stein shrugged his elated shoulders, bouncing off towards the dying cardinal.

‘It doesn’t bother me.’

It really never did bother him, did it? Even despite the fact that he knew he was taking advantage of, exploiting the bird’s vulnerability, he felt nothing but excitement.

And even with the care he did have for his friends, the care he thought he’d never be able to feel at all, it seemed as though he viewed them the exact same way.

Stein spun his chair around, getting comfortable in the rolling seat, and gathering the necessary tools. He lifted the hand towel from off of the bird’s body, of which had dropped further in temperature despite having been introduced to the warmth of their apartment’s heater, as well as the towel.

Every once in a while, the cardinal blinked. And every once in a while, the cardinal twitched. But it was clear to anyone who happened to lay eyes on the animal, that it was just a few minutes, if not a few seconds away from its inevitable demise.

Stein took his shining, silver scalpel in his right hand, holding the bird down, as he began. The creature did protest a little at first, whilst he drug his scalpel through its thoracic cavity, all the way down into and through the fat and muscle tissue of its abdominal cavity. But the frightened, writhing, and exhausted cardinal eventually went limp under Stein’s frigid hands.

Beads of blood trickled against the razor-sharp blade, as the scientist continued to hack the animal open, ultimately exposing its uterus. He smiled to himself, nodding his head in a curious delight after noting that the cardinal was, in fact, female. He had never seen the uterus of a female bird before. At least not in person.

Stein, upon finishing revealing the innards of the bird’s torso, returned once more to its chest, satisfyingly cutting its sternum in half. A flood of dark, dark crimson streamed out, the animal’s formerly beating heart shone a mesmerizing red. With precision, he attentively retrieved the layered organ from the subject’s chest, giddily placing it down onto another medical tray he had placed beside the one in which the bird had died.

The male’s cheeks hurt, as he could not remember the last time he had smiled so largely and for such an extended duration. He kicked his feet in a pleasurable excitement, back and forth and back and forth. He chewed inquisitively on his bottom lip, spinning himself in his chair.

Stein then, as opposed to finishing his hollowing of the bird’s thoracic cavity, directed his childishly elated attention back to its abdomen, grabbing onto its large intestine with crucible tongs (of which he used for everything except crucibles), and pulling them steadily outside of its body. It always reminded Stein of a magician pulling a seemingly endless string of ribbon outside of a large, black top hat. He utterly adored it.

As he placed both the large and short intestine onto the tray, proceeding to take the rest of its innards out, even diving into the bird’s skull, grabbing its brain, gouging its eyes and tongue out, and dissecting every organ he saw, he found himself pleading with any being that would listen to him, that that moment could last forever.

……

Stein observed as the blood and small bits of guts that had been previously stuck to his utensils swirled about, interlocking with the mixture of hydrogen peroxide, rubbing alcohol, and Dawn dish soap he had poured into one of his larger beakers. His little concoction worked decently well as an amateur antiseptic.

The blueish, bubbly, formerly clear menagerie of liquids turned a little murky, especially towards the bottom where the ends of the blades and tweezers and tongs happened to be resting, pieces of brown and scarlet floating about.

He repeatedly swirled his tools around, a rag laying beside the beaker for the sake of wiping the set off when ready.

And as Stein rocked himself in his chair, peering down into the glassware, he pondered whether or not he’d feel even a lick of guilt if he were to harm his friends in a similar fashion. He certainly enjoyed their presences more than that of the cardinal’s. But he also felt just as little, well, nothing at all, as he had for the creature, as he did when thinking about dissecting his companions.

Stein rolled his bottom lip in between his teeth, tiny flaps of skin lifting from off of the pink mound, tasting of an unmistakable metallic.

Did he even care for them? Was he capable of care? He was never very good at viewing people as people, after all.

Perhaps he could perform some sort of experiment? But simply pinching or insulting his comrades certainly wouldn’t hold the same weight as ending them, right? What could he do?

He stirred the steel utensils throughout the dirtying liquid once more, watching the way in which small, thin, bloodied bits of God knows what as little as the skin he pulled off of his lip with his teeth swam throughout the beaker, appearing almost similarly to the white pulp you’d find in a cup of lemonade.

Maybe he should simply stick to imagining being the reason for their deaths? Should he consult another? Ask them how they’d feel if he were to purposely conspire against them and hurt them in some way?

Perhaps that would be the best way. Unless he were to rip them all to shreds, though he’d certainly be linked to each one of their deaths.

Stein squinted his tired eyes, mildly crinkling the skin in both of their corners. He’d decided he’d question them, at least at first.

……

Spirit grimaced, flashing Stein an overtly critical look, as his meister dumped the nasty collection of liquids down into the sink, where the yawning redhead had been scrubbing away at their dishes.

“Oh, get over yourself,” Stein teasingly rolled his clouded eyes, stepping back with his dripping beaker in hand. The droplets gently ran down the fragile sides, flattening once they had reached the bottom. “Like I don’t have to stare directly at your used condoms every time I take out the trash.”

Spirit’s eyes widened significantly, his face turning the same shade of red as his long hair, effectively earning a snicker from his sadistic partner.

“We all have our shit, Spirit. Don’t judge,” he wagged his free finger in front of the blushing boy’s face. Spirit huffed, opening and closing his mouth in search of some witty remark to slap Stein over the face with.

His shoulders eventually slumped in defeat.

“Just ‘cause you’re not normal doesn’t mean I have to stop-“ Spirit paused abruptly, seemingly in a bout of humiliation. “-You know what with girls.”

Stein chuckled. “Don’t act so shy now. The amount of times I’ve had to put my headphones on is astounding,” a grin filled with the utmost malevolence found its away onto his face, as Spirit stuttered, trying desperately to redirect his attention back to the chore of which he was nearly finished with.

The weapon scrubbed with gloved hands at the last few plates, washing the suds off once done. He still felt the younger’s burning gaze upon him, however, as he attempted to ignore him. The ginger began to hum to himself, fully aware of the fact that Stein absolutely hated it when he did as such.

“Spirit,” Stein broke the awkward silence.. Well, awkward to Spirit.

“What? Wanna embarrass me some more?” He pouted childishly, stuffing the dishwasher and activating the machine, tearing the sopping yellow coverings off from his sweaty hands.

“No. The STIs you’ll end up with will do that for you,” he continued to mock, giggling to himself like a little schoolgirl.

Spirit whipped his offended head around, glaring daggers into Stein’s apathetic soul.

Stein held his hands up in defense, as though he were waving a white flag in the wind. “But for real, though… What would you do, or feel, or say, or whatever if I were to kill you?”

He raised an eyebrow immediately, placing a guarded hand onto his protruding hip, leaning against the counter.

“What the fuck?” He laughed, narrowing his eyes at the male standing before him, of whom was not laughing anymore.

“It’s a serious question,” he declared, his expression just as solemn as his tone.

“Why? Are you planning on murdering me in my sleep or some shit?”

“Just answer the question, Spirit,” the weapon looked him up and down confusedly, and frankly, in a threatened manner. He straightened his no longer relaxed frame, his arms falling silently to his sides. “I’m curious.”

“Well… I guess I’d say ‘I always knew this would happen’ in, like, a funny way? Y’know, to lighten the mood a little,” Stein nodded, his eyes practically spilling over with an intense and childlike curiosity. “And I don’t know how I’d feel exactly… You can never really know, can you? How you feel, I mean.. But I guess I’d probably feel incredibly betrayed. Maybe even a little scared? I don’t know… I might try and fight back. I’m really not sure, I’ve never thought about this before…”

“Thank you for your response, Spirit,” Stein offered his partner a simple nod, trudging back into the solitude of his bedroom.

Spirit shook his head whilst staring down at the ground beneath his feet, a little nervous and still particularly confused.

Stein was always so random.. unpredictable, even. You never really knew what the aspiring scientist would do next.

Spirit pursed his lips, spinning his hair around his pointer finger, finding himself hoping and almost praying that he’d be able to properly read the creepy bastard one day.

……

The DWMA’s seemingly never ending corridors bustled with the cacophonously booming voices of its student body, piercing Stein’s ears as he walked quietly beside Spirit.

“Did we have a test today?” The scythe sighed, glancing nervously at Stein as the both of them begrudgingly entered the E.A.T. classroom, which had already been filling up with a plethora of children.

“Yeah,” he responded, taking his seat, of which was surrounded by the rest of their little group. “Why? Did you forget?”

Spirit hung his head, mumbling a bashful, “Yeah, I forgot to study.”

“Oh, I didn’t study at all,” Stein shook his head with a chuckle.

“Yeah, but you always get good grades, anyway,” Spirit continued to complain, pouting at Stein’s teasing gaze.

“I forgot, too,” Marie pitifully stated, Sid agreeing.

“Am I the only one who actually studies?” Azusa pridefully questioned, her arms crossed tightly over her puffed out chest, after having grandiosely adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her nose.

“I do sometimes,” the blonde was just as pouty as Spirit.

“Oh, hey, Marie?” Stein called out, turning his slumped head to the side, an inquisitive expression present on his visage.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“What you do, say, feel, etc., if I were to dissect you?”

Marie appeared entirely dumbfounded as she confusedly let out an uncomfortable laugh.

“Oh, are you seriously gonna ask her that, too?” Spirit allowed his head to fall towards the side, gazing at his meister with an “are you serious” look.

“Uhhhh,” she contemplated how she could possibly respond.

“Come on, you don’t have to answer that,” Spirit interjected, waving his hand dismissively in front of Stein, of whom shot him an almost indiscernible glare.

“No, it’s fine, I don’t mind,” Marie politely nodded, smiling sweetly at both Spirit and Stein. “I’m sure he’s just curious,” she unassumingly gestured with her head in the direction of the grey-haired male.

Stein flung his arm out towards Marie, declaring her point as being ‘obvious,’ as he stared intently and with fervor into Spirit’s suspicious eyes.

“It’s for an experiment,” Stein elaborated vaguely on his motives.

“It’s always for an ‘experiment,’” Azusa found his behavior to be particularly conspicuous as she rolled her darkly colored eyes into the back of their obnoxious sockets. “Just admit you’re a sadist.”

“Why do you think I’m so one-note? There’s more to me than that,” he snarled, shoving his hands into the white pockets of his woolen coat.

“Anyway, to answer your question, Stein, I’d hope you’d never do that, and I hope that I’d be strong enough to keep you from doing that,” Marie explained with a chuckle. “But I suppose that I wouldn’t be exactly… surprised. I would feel kinda sad, though, I think. Hm. I’m not exactly sure what I’d feel.. You can never really know until it happens, no?”

Spirit sprung up in his seat, eyes wide and attentive. “That’s what I said!” He exclaimed.

The bell rung, steadily quaking each classroom, and abruptly ending their conversation, much to the annoyance of Stein. The group departed, making their way to their own seats, internally groaning at the sight of their strict, ‘no nonsense’ professor.

As the class settled, Stein rested his heavy head upon his hand in contemplation, not paying any attention to the instructor’s incessant rambling, nor to the questioning side-eyes he received from Spirit.

So far, both Spirit and Marie responded eerily similarly. They each remarked how it was difficult to truly tell what one would feel unless one happened to be in the moment. And if that was the case, how could Stein know if his seeming inability to experience guilt would also apply to his friends? Perhaps logical thinking? He had never felt anything when harming them before, whether by accident or not.

And each time they seemed to blame him for not being able to care. Or was it simply that he refused to even do so much as to fake an apology? But anytime he asked why they felt a certain way, and why they felt that he needed to apologize, he was met with nothing but yelling and contempt-filled faces. He supposed they didn’t recognized that he truly did not understand. How frustrating.

It seemed they’d never understand. And it seemed he’d never look back on anything he had ever done with something even resembling guilt or remorse.

……

Rustling underneath his comforter in the shadow-plagued darkness of his bedroom, Stein reflected upon being forced to dispose of the bird with disappointment, for he had wanted to observe as the subject decomposed. Unfortunately, a recognizable odor, the trademark of decomposition would’ve consumed his room, and eventually the entire apartment.

He rubbed at the fuzzy ears of his stuffed animal, of which was a little white rat he named Svetlana, tucking it close to his chest. He laid his head gently over the rat’s nuzzling into the softness of its fur.

He breathed a huffy and hushed sigh into the air, disregarding the ever-present and crippling feeling of a person or being behind him, slowly approaching him. He could feel it as it crawled up his spine, upturning the hairs on the back of his neck, as it swirled in the pit of his abdomen.

Stein cuddled the stuffed animal closer, shutting his eyes and falling into the hole that was his mind once more.

He had bared witness countless times to the foreign glimmer of empathy and guilt in their eyes, as they’d apologize to one another from the bottom of their hearts. Stein was beginning to wonder if he had that same bottom. After all, he hadn’t felt anything when Spirit said he’d feel betrayed, and Marie said she’d feel sad.

He was clearly not born of the same flesh as they. Was he even human to begin with?

He was not meant for the world he was living in. He had overstayed the welcome that he was never given in the first place - that much they all made very clear.

In fact, they had made it obvious that they did not even view him as being human. Only an untamed mutt that needed to be whipped into submission.

Stein was an alien who had simply learned to adapt.

[high-functioning-fang1rl]

Well I’m already exhausted and it’s only Monday, and there are NO WORDS to describe how TERRIFIED I am of what’s to come on Wednesday, so what better thing to distract myself with than some writing? So here’s Part 2 of my AU, where Chucky manipulates Nica into thinking she’s his daughter at the end of Cult!

One Side of the Knife! AU PART TWO!

The sound of a drill and cackling laughter pierced the air eerily as Nica rolled her chair through the empty asylum hallway. Not sure she wanted to know what she’d find, she hesitated before she rounded the corner, stopping at the bizarre scene before her.

The one-armed Good Guy was holding a drill that she noted was shiny with blood, laughing shrilly with the other doll she had followed. Malcolm lay on the ground beside them, blood pouring from the fresh hole through his head, his face frozen and blank with death.

Dizzy and queasy, Nica spotted yet another body, her heart sinking when she recognized that it was Nurse Ashley.

She’d had kids, Nica thought with a pang. Kids who wouldn’t ever know what happened to their mother.

Unable to stop her gasp of horror, the two dolls turned their attention on her.

“I knew you’d make the right choice!” The Chucky she’d followed crowed, his arms spreading robotically in victory.

But she leaned back, recoiling. “What did you do?” She demanded anxiously.

The doll holding the drill shrugged, lowering the weapon to his side. “The guy was certifiable! He killed the nurse pretending to be me and got himself killed for it! He was on borrowed time anyway.”

Nica recalled Malcolm claiming to be “Charles” the last time she’d spoken, but she couldn’t stop the pang of regret coursing through her as she remembered the relief she’d felt meeting him, the feeling that she finally had an ally again when she’d felt so alone and helpless in the cursed walls of Harrogate.

“It couldn’t be helped, kid!” Chucky tried to assure her. “Now we can get out of here no problem!”

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Nica nodded, rolling the chair after him, doing her best to ignore the bodies and how they basically made a trail toward the office she’d been in as she passed. The two dolls split up, Nica immediately following the intact doll down the longer hallway toward what she knew was the exit. She only paused when he did, looking into an empty room.

A young man, his back toward her, stared down at what she guessed could only be the third Good Guy doll Nica had seen in Dr. Foley’s office, though it was so smashed under the person’s boot that she couldn’t be sure.

As if sensing he wasn’t alone, the figure turned, immediately pointing a gun in their direction.

It felt like a jolt of electricity ran through her as she faintly recognized that the man in front of her must be Andy Barclay, all grown up.

For a brief second he seemed just as surprised by Nica’s presence, his lips parting slightly and eyes widening a fraction. Then his eyes went to the doll and without hesitation, his handsome features determined, grim, he trained the gun forward the doll and pulled the trigger, and Nica tensed in her chair as an empty click indicated he was out of bullets.

“Tag you’re it, Pal!” Cackling, Chucky suddenly swung the door shut. “Lock it!” He barked at her as Andy ran to the door.

Only hesitating for a brief moment, Nica obeyed, her wrist flicking out quickly to shut the young man in.

“NO!” Fists pounded on the door, Andy howling and cursing Chucky behind the door.

Against her better judgement, Nica looked at Chucky, hoping to assuage the guilt she felt at leaving the attractive stranger locked in Harrogate. “Why is he here?”

Chucky awkwardly clambered up onto her lap, his eyes big blue and earnest. “The kid’s got issues! He’s stalked me for years- he heard I was coming here to free you and thought you were working with me. He wanted to keep us both locked in here, but the joke is on him! Let’s blow this popsicle stand!”

With one last glance to the locked door, still unsure she was doing the right thing, she continued toward the exit obediently.

*****

The cold was the first thing she noticed, and she began shivering immediately as the air hit her.

Snow was falling gently, and despite the circumstances Nica couldn’t help but admire the beauty of it, couldn’t stop herself from taking a deep breath of fresh air, the feeling of freedom making her body sing.

Carefully wheeling around the steps, she made her way toward the gates, where a red car sat waiting for them.

The gorgeous blonde- Tiffany Valentine, she recalled- stood waiting beside the car patiently, her eyes fixed on the doll in Nica’s lap, a smile fixed on her expertly painted red lips.

She addressed Chucky, her voice as distinctive and unforgettable as it had been when she’d met with Nica to tell her about Alice and leave Chucky with her. “Hey, Sweetface. ‘S good to see you.” She said playfully.

Nica was surprised, however, when the doll replied, a fondness she’d never heard before evident in his voice. “You look great, Tiff.”

Tiffany smirked, her big eyes moving up to regard Nica curiously.

Chucky read the question in her eyes and quickly offered “I believe you’ve already met but, Tiff, may I properly introduce Nica Pierce? Nica, meet my wife; Tiffany.”

“Hi.” Nica shifted shyly, uncomfortably, trying for a smile.

It felt like there was fire in her gaze as Tiffany smiled back, offering a pleasant “Hello.” in return, and Nica got the impression Tiffany was not thrilled by her presence.

“Nica here decided she wanted to know more about where she came from, so she’ll be joining us, just like we hoped!” Charles said authoritatively, reaching up for Tiffany.

Seemingly more pleased when holding him in her arms, Tiffany grinned. “Let’s go, SweetFace!” She cooed, bringing him around and placing him in the passenger seat. Then she returned to the driver’s side, opening the door to the backseat and opening her arms. “Nica…” she politely waited for permission before lifting Nica out of the chair, carefully putting her in the backseat and helping her buckle.

Nica noticed the car wasn’t big enough to fit the wheelchair, and she paused, her body going tense.

“I…um, I’ll need my chair…” she told them apologetically, embarrassed, years of conditioning making her cheeks heat red.

But Chucky looked back at her from the front seat as Tiffany slid into the driver’s seat, his voice gravely but unbothered. “Not a problem! We have a chair at home for ya- I told ya, we planned on this! Well, hoped on it, at least!”

Despite herself, something small fluttered inside of her chest; the ease of her disability being accepted foreign to her, a tiny part of her preening, grateful for the kind treatment.

“Thanks.” She said softly.

In the driver’s seat, Tiffany sighed.

“What.” Chucky demanded.

Meeting Nica’s eyes in the rearview mirror, Tiffany said with a pout. “I was just thinking about Alice...”

Nica’s heart constricted, tears immediately burning behind her eyes as she looked away, pain lancing through her heart.

The blonde continued, “And how much I miss her and how sorry I am that she’s gone… but maybe having you here will help us all feel close to her.”

Sniffling, Nica nodded, wiping at her eyes as she attempted to swallow the grief. “Yeah…yeah, maybe it will.”

“Good point, Tiff. Now let’s get the hell out of here!” Chucky waved his arm.

Smiling, Tiffany turned the engine on, and settling back into the seat as the car started, Nica finally saw the blonde, female doll in the seat beside her, jumping in shock when it turned to return her curious look with one of it’s own.

Seeing her surprise and momentary fear, the doll laughed, the shrill sound unmistakably a duplicate of Tiffany’s. From the front of the car, the human Tiffany and Chucky joined in the laughter, as if sharing an inside joke.

In between bouts of uninhibited cackling Chucky apologized for the surprise. “Boy, do we have a lot to catch up on!” He told her as the car pulled away.

Feeling lighter as the car left the facility she’d been contained in for too long, a place of nightmares, Nica began chuckling at herself too, the car growing loud with the sound of their mirth.

She didn't even notice the body left discarded on the pavement, the red blood soaking into the white blanket of snow around it.

*****

Well, we’re on our way now! Thanks for reading!

When it comes to future installments, there are MANY ways this could go, and I’m curious what you all would like to see/read! How dark should Nica go/how deep into Chucky and Tiff’s claws should she get? I’ve got a few ideas for many scenarios, so I’d be happy to hear what you all want to read!

I’m slowly loving this AU more and more so I’d love to hear any input/thoughts you may have! :)

*Hope you all are having a great week already! 🥰*

[crashtestjeffy]

I really want to stop feeling so weak. I nearly pas out if I stand for longer than 15 minutes. My blood pressure is wacky. And my heart rate is way too high. Other than that I'm swell. My daughter went to grandma's for a few days over the weekend and came back and told me how grandma's angry, alcoholic wife doesn't like the way she speaks and asked if she could not talk when she was in the room. Also she doesn't like the way she sleeps and how she leaves the bed. Grandma is afraid of her wife and may even be getting abused behind closed doors. I wouldn't doubt that. So she basically asked my daughter to not speak and to sleep on top of the sheets and blankets using a throw as a cover.

I would put a kibosh on her going there but she is almost 17, I can't really demand she not see her grandma. At least not without her agreeing and she won't agree to stop going to see her. Oy vey!

I am really loving my PS5 and I am still working my way through Jedi Survivor. It's a long game man. I like long games. I get so bummed when I can get through a game in one or two days. Also the Jedi dude is customizable so I got him rocking a mullet and handlebar moustache.

Man, I really need to eat properly. I ate some fries I made in the air fryer and a piece of cheese and I am queasy and not going to be able to eat again till much later today. I really, really needed to lose weight, I topped and went over 300 lbs, I am 5' 11" and though I have always weighed heavier than I looked (as a slim teen I weighed 180 lbs and in my 20s weighed 200 lbs without ever getting chubby), I weighed way too much. At the hospital and then the doctor's I weighted 283 lbs and 282 lbs. At this rate I'll hit 200 again by March. Stupid Covid.

Joe says hello. He has taken to sitting beside me while I play PS5 and meowing loudly into my face and ear to get me to pay attention to him and pet him. He's a prick because when I do want to pet him he'll push my hand away and say "No, no pet". He's kind of like my ex-wife.

Anyway. This has been an update. If I continue to feel bad my doctor may want to admit me to the hospital and do like experiments on me and transplant my head. Or get me on an IV and do some tests. One or the other.

Can one of you come over and help me do housework? Because I ma exhausted. I entertained the idea of paying a maid service for a one time visit. But I would hate myself if I did that. It feels way too bourgeoisie.

[kyndaris]

Return to the Land of the Weeb

The second of March marked our return to Japan. Waking early, bleachpanda and I packed up our bags, made sure we hadn't forgotten anything in our rooms, checked-out of the Asti Hotel in Busan and weaved through Busan station and head to the International Port Terminal not even a kilometre away. Today, we were to take the JR Queen Beetle back to Japan and continue our adventure.

Given it was departing at 9 AM sharp, bleachpanda and I had to hustle over, only stopping briefly to pick up breakfast at the local convenience stores at the terminal. Once we arrived at the terminal, we had little time to spare as we rushed through the check-in before going through immigration and security.

Unlike planes though, the security to get on a ferry was quite simple. Liquids weren't limited to only 100ml with our luggage going through a cursory x-ray scan.

On the ferry, we had to stow our suitcases away near the back of the ferry before taking our seats as the JR Beetle left the port. As we unmoored, the trainee attendant came by and I encouraged bleachpanda to take a motion sickness tablet as the waves were a bit high. Unfortunately, she didn't actually ingest the tablet because of an inability to swallow tablets without some food to help. As such, bleachpanda slept her way through the ferry ride while I snuck in some scenery shots and a few minutes of gaming before I, too, succumbed a little to the queasy sensation of being on a boat. So, instead of being on the lookout for Tsushima, which our ferry should have passed (and would have appeared to our right - we were sitting on the left), I also rested for an hour or so. When next I opened my eyes, we were out in the open sea with nothing but blue skies and white fluffy clouds.

Alas. Maybe one of these days, when I get the chance to revisit South Korea or Japan, I can try to go visit Tsushima and relive the feeling of what it was like to be Jin Sakai.

We docked at Hakata port in Fukuoka at 12:50 PM. After we had gone through customs, it was half past 1. Bleachpanda and I then hopped onto a BRT towards Hakata Station so we could pick up our JR passes and take a train down to Nagasaki.

Given bleachpanda had an over-sized suitcase, bleachpanda had to book two reserved tickets. Thankfully, there was plenty of seats available for us and we boarded our train with little hassle. Although, of course, bleachpanda was still a little queasy from the ferry ride.

As she rested, I took in the passing scenery and read a few more pages of I Am A Cat.

What I didn't realise was that Hakata had a Pokemon Centre! And given we were in a rush to board the train to Nagasaki, I couldn't walk the streets and soak in the Like a Dragon 5 ambiance when Kiryu Kazuma was working as a taxi-driver.

At Nagasaki, we took the streetcar down to our hotel in Shinchi Chinatown. After checking in at Candeo Hotel, we rested for an hour before venturing back out to grab some dinner. As we were staying in the Chinatown, we were able to snap a few shots of the Chinatown gate before we tried some delicious sushi at a nearby restaurant: Taichi before buying some castella at a place right next to our hotel.

After all, Nagasaki is known for their champon noodles, their meat buns and, of course, their castella. Heck, they even have souvenirs showcasing these foods!

As we strolled through Chinatown, bleachpanda and I spotted a Studio Ghibli store and stepped inside to take a gander at what was on sale. Inside, I was struck by the number of My Neighbour Totoro plushies. There were a few other cute plushies from other films like Princess Mononoke and Return of the Cat.

Bleachpanda and I didn't buy anything while we looked around the store but we would return on orders from bleachpanda's sister to buy a few things for their darling daughter. As the two of us were recovering from our exhausting day of transport, we decided to head back to the hotel to prepare for the day ahead.

There were numerous sights to see and we couldn't waste a single moment. After all, that's what one does when they go overseas, right? Have a strict schedule of which tourist attraction to go to! In any case, bleachpanda would be rewarded on the morrow with a visit to Don Quijote, her favourite multistorey variety store in Japan.

On an unrelated side note, our hotel has a spa and the two of us may try it out during our stay. I know I certainly will.

Before I forget, the safety instructions for the JR Beetle were also cute and adorable. They had two kid captains and everything was depicted in a school playground. All safety instructions should have such a video to showcase their requirements!

[punks-never-die205]

Unseen

afab!reader x Killer

CW: canon-typical violence, smooches, sexy times, second go at life try again style story, 18+ only

Chapter 8: Point of View

Note: As implied by the chapter title, the point of view shifts in this chapter.

Everything had started off according to plan. The main gate group had rushed in, and you were able to hide yourself in the chaos. If anyone had noticed that you were acting as a second devil fruit user to Kid's abilities, they made no outward sign of it. Kid was chaos incarnate on his own, and that was apparently spurred onto greater heights if it meant acting as a shield for one of his crew members.

Killer was an equally terrifying presence, though you knew exactly what motivated him.

Getting into the base went well. If the Marines had been on alert from the casino fiasco they showed no signs of it. The mayhem was a little contagious as well, and you found yourself reveling in the thrill of a good fight. Pirates vs Marines, order vs chaos, submission vs freedom; a scuffle that existed since before man first entered the seas.

The Kid Pirates had swarmed over the base, and the original three groups of teams were mixed and mingled in the breeched base and still working like a well oiled machine.

In a few more minutes the fighting would be over, and the base would be secure. Communications had been cut and there was no immediate concern of reinforcements. You followed after Hip and Hop down a corridor when something froze your blood. There was no sound, and no person you could see, but something had set you on edge. Assess. You assessed without even consciously thinking about it, and so you trusted your instincts without question.

You grabbed Hip and Hop and tossed them behind you with all the might you had available. Which was considerable, as they wore metal and you still had Eustass' devil fruit pumping through your veins. You moved to reinforce the hallway, but you weren't fast enough. There wasn't enough metal, and there wasn't enough time.

The bright light of the explosion filled your vision before you felt the shock and pain of the blast.

.

.

.

The explosion had knocked you for a loop, and when you had come back around you were on Killer's back. You could tell from the mess of hair around you, and the scent of him that you'd become used to. The sounds of any fighting were gone, but he was still moving at a quick pace. You were surprised to find yourself conscious, you had expected the blast to kill you.

"We win?" You question, your voice was cracking and you realize that you're hurt all over. Breathing felt like pushing back against shattered glass, but breathing was required.

"Well enough," He replies. "I'm taking you to House."

"Mmm, am I dying, Killer? I hurt, but I feel like I've hurt worse." You murmur. "They say you hut less when-."

"That's for the doc to say," he interrupts, concern cutting into his tone despite his efforts. "Now shut up, save your strength and your breath."

You let yourself fall into him. You didn't have the energy for much else, and you didn't have the heart to say that you couldn't see. You could feel your eyes moving, so they were intact as far as you knew. Until House had looked at everything, there was nothing you could do anyway.

House started patching you up, barking orders at Killer for assistance. After what felt like hours, House kicked Killer out, saying you needed to rest. All the holes were plugged, and now it was up to you. You had lost a lot of blood, and House hadn't had nearly enough available for transfusion. You got what was available, but House wasn't satisfied.

"Doc, we alone?"

"Yeah brat."

"Are my eyes intact?"

"... Yeah." A brief pause. "You can't see?"

"Not a thing."

"You need to rest but give me a moment. You had your eyes closed most of the time and I just figured you were too exhausted to keep 'em open."

You felt House's hands hold your eyes open. Left, Right, Left again. Then an aggravated swear.

"Dizzy?"

"No."

"Feel queasy?"

"No."

"I'd ask if you feel tired, but you're missing a lot of blood." House is quiet for a long moment. "Sleep, brat. Concussion or not, you need rest more than anything. Better a stutter than a corpse in the morning."

"Aye, aye."

.

.

.

.

***House's PoV***

I stepped out of my clinic after cleaning up and making sure Brat had fallen asleep. I was already not looking forward to the conversation I was going to have, but they needed to know.

The ship was alive with the work of the provisions from the job being packed in. The hustle and bustle was happy, since the job had gone off mostly clean, and as far as everyone knew, even the girl had survived despite how things had looked.

"Hip, where's the Captain?" I ask. Hip turns to answer, and her face falls. I wasn't known for my poker face. "She's alive Hip, I still need to talk to the Captain."

Relief, then she nods her head toward the cabins, "Workshop, with Killer, Heat and Wire. Can I visit her, I wann-."

I shake my head. "Brat needs rest, Hip. Soon though." I grunt, and head that way.

Either Heat and Wire are keeping Killer from killing the Captain, or they're all trying to distract themselves so they're not barging into my clinic. Brat's got a lot of people looking out for her, hopefully it's enough good karma.

I make it halfway down the hall and I hear the workshop room go quiet. Killer opens the door before I can even knock, and I walk in. From the looks of things half the workshop had been trashed for some reason and these guys were working on cleaning it up. I could guess the reason, but it wasn't my problem.

And, I wasn't exactly going to make things better.

"Brat's stable," I say, not sitting down. "If her luck holds she'll be fine. The more she can rest the better, and I expect to have her in my care for at least a week."

I see relief all around, but I can't let these guys hold onto it. "However." I take in a breath and sigh, it's not easy to say, but it needs said, "She can't see."

Heat and Wire sit down, but only Heat was lucky enough to be by a chair. Kid's glaring at me, and I imagine Killer is glaring at him.

"Permanently?" Kid asks, and he looks like a man ready to walk himself to the gallows.

"Can't say yet," I admit, and put myself between Kid and Killer. "I appreciate how you're both feeling right now, but she needs rest, and when she's done resting, she's gonna need support. If she can't see again, she's going to need stability. If you two tear each other apart she's gonna blame herself, and," I turn to Killer, glaring at him until I'm sure he's looking at me. "If she blames herself I'll have both yer asses, so keep it together."

Killer turns on his heel after a moment and leaves the workshop without a sound. I sigh, there's no telling what he'll do, cause I've never seen him in this situation. It was hard to say if he was furious with Kid, Hip, Hop, or himself. Probably all four.

"Captain, I don't know how you'll do it, but you should start looking for that Surgeon of Death." I say, turning back to Kid. "He takes jobs to keep his crew going, and if anyone can make sure she'll heal, it'll be him."

.

.

.

.

.

***Killer's PoV***

Hip and Hop had run across me, carrying (Y/N) in their arms. I'd been headed in their direction already because of the explosion that had shook the base seconds earlier. There was a lot of blood. Too much, but she was still breathing, even if it was shallow.

"She threw us back without saying anything!" Hop cried, her face stained with tears. "We couldn't do anything to protect her!"

"It happened so fast! We gotta get her to House!" Hip cried.

"I'll take her, check to see what caused the explosion." Calm, I was calm. I had to be calm. Panicking wasn't going to help her.

I sit across from her in the med bay and watch the steady rhythm of her breathing, forcing myself to accept that she was still alive. More alive and more stable than when I'd brought her to House hours earlier.

I'd been angry enough at Kid that I hadn't let him blow off steam, I wanted him to sit with what he'd done this time. I didn't give him the satisfaction of tearing his own workshop apart, just so he could control reorganizing it.

I pride myself on keeping my emotions steady. Especially compared to Kid. Someone had to be the rock, not just for the Captain, but for the crew. For myself. If I could stay steady everything would be fine.

I release the snaps on my mask and set it aside as I approach her bedside. It didn't matter what my face looked like, all I want is for her to be able to see it. If she wasn't able to ever see again then eventually even Kid would forget what my face looked like.

Kissing her forehead, I go back to my chair and put my mask back on.

The hardest part was that there wasn't anyone I could blame. She decided to protect Hip and Hop on her own. She went off into the base on her own. She was a part of the crew, she was allowed to act like the crew. I couldn't be mad at her, or them, or Kid, or even myself.

[thedreamsmith]

Forged in Dragonfire (Chapter 5)

Summary:  Aemond’s attention is caught by a noble lady with an unusual hobby. Lady Edeline is nothing like anyone he has ever met.

Please note: this chapter includes a moderately explicit description of female masturbation 

No others had challenged her in the training yard that day, instead watching warily as she resumed her usual drills with the prince. Her fallen foe had beat a hasty retreat from the scene of his lost dignity, the jeers of his comrades nipping at his heels.

He had not been a good swordsman, Prince Aemond had told her, using the goldcloak’s poor example to once again impress upon her the necessity for good structure and proper footwork. He only let her finish training for the day when her arms were shaking too badly to hold her sword aloft.

‘Once more.’ The prince’s voice was firm, the toe of his boot unyielding as he used it to poke her in the side. Edeline groaned, the cold earth was divine against her bruised and sweaty skin. Her legs had buckled, setting her firmly on her ass, and that was where she had stayed.

‘I cannot. Leave me to die.’

‘Are all noble ladies so dramatic? Or is it just the blacksmithing ones?’ Aemond had mercifully ceased his leather-clad assault on her ribs, but from the way he was holding his training sword, she knew it wouldn’t be long before he switched his torture implement of choice.

His verbal jab, however, was enough to force her upright, despite the way her exhausted muscles screamed at the motion.

‘Me?’ She heard her voice rise several octaves, drawing the attention of a nearby cluster of soldiers. Edeline winced, her attempts at clinging to some scraps of dignity were failing in truly spectacular fashion. ‘I am not the one marching all over the Red Keep in a dramatic leather coat, swishing my hair around at every opportunity!’  

‘No, no and no.’ She pointed her sword up at him, eyes narrowed. ‘I am done for today, your highness.’ She set her jaw; chin tilted up defiantly. There was straw in her hair.

‘Wilful creature.’ The prince huffed, but offered her his hand nonetheless. With a hard swallow she hoped escaped the prince’s notice, she reached up to grasp his hand, her fingers scraping over the callouses on his palm. Even after several hours of training, and her own far-from-slight frame, Prince Aemond hauled her to her feet with no apparent effort, a feat that sent a peculiar warmth down her spine.

His touch lingered even once she was back on her feet, sliding forward to cup her elbow, steadying her.

‘I will send a maester to your family’s residence to tend to your aches.’ The prince seemed to remember himself, withdrawing his hand to rest on the pommel of his sword. The bastard blade she had forged had remained sheathed at his hip every day since she had given it to him, but she had yet to see him draw it. The raw sapphire gleamed from within the folds of his cloak, thumb stroking over the gem’s rough surface as he oversaw her training.

‘That truly is not-‘

‘I insist.’ She watched as his tongue flicked over his bottom lip. ‘You must look after your body just as much as you do your weapon.’ Seven Hells… And didn’t that conjure truly sinful images? Though she sincerely doubted that the prince spent any time thinking about her body, unless it was to correct her posture while she was drilling. 

‘Very well.’ She sucked on her bottom lip, worrying the wind-chapped skin between her teeth. The prince’s eye flicked down, drawn by the motion.

‘After all, you cannot give yourself more scars than you can plausibly explain to your future husband.’

‘You sound like my mother.’ Edeline rolled her eyes as the prince chuckled quietly. ‘Most men do not care about the state of a lady’s skin, so long as her tits are bare.’

Aemond’s mirth disappeared at once, replaced by a curiously queasy expression. ‘Not all men are such base creatures, my lady.’

She swallowed hard, rendered mute by the sudden shift in the tone of their jesting. Delicacy was needed here, that much she knew.

‘I am a rare and lucky woman to have never been intimate with the kind of cruel men I know to exist in this world.’ Her answer seemed to satisfy the prince, for his expression relaxed a fraction. He did not ask what sort of men, precisely, she had been intimate with in the past.

Half of her was glad he had not. The other half wanted to let her wildness show.

*

They fell into their post-training routine in comfortable silence, the quiet shushing of oiled cloth over steel the only sound as they sat at the edge of the yard. The sweet, musky scent of the oil surrounded her, mixed with the salty tang of sweat and the crisp edge that came with winter mornings, even this far South.

Once they had tended to their training weapons, Aemond started on his bastard sword, the live steel blinding in the winter sunlight. There was truly no reason for her to stay any longer now, but for the love of the Father she could not drag her gaze away from the steady stroke of the prince’s hand over the metal. The blade forged by her own hands.

‘You have yet to use it.’ It is not a question, and Prince Aemond knows better than to question her expert eye. The blade had nary a scratch or nick marring the gleaming edge, and even the best squire in the Seven Kingdoms could not keep live steel in such pristine condition.

‘It is a masterwork.’ His jaw worked silently, his gaze never leaving the blade as he continued the rhythmic motion. ‘It would not be right to use it for something as mundane as training.’ The platinum curtain of his hair almost obscured his face, a stark contrast to the dark leather of his jacket.

‘I did not mean to disobey your wishes, your highness.’ Edeline stuffed her hands into the depths of her cloak, the chill creeping into her bones now that she was not moving. ‘I know you asked for an unadorned blade, but the sapphire was truly a wonder to behold - I could not deny the urge to include it in the piece.’

Only then did the prince raise his eye and their gazes met, unbidden. Heat filled her face at the truth she had unwittingly revealed, unspoken but hanging between them, as delicate as spun air and sharp as steel.

‘You crafted my blade as you saw fit, I could not have asked for more.’

She dipped her head, accepting that she had not angered him, but unsure at how to respond. The prince had returned to oiling his sword, which she took as a sign of dismissal. So with a muttered thank you for the day’s training, she hurried from the yard, the blood still burning beneath her skin.

*

The prince had kept his word, and not two hours after she returned home, a maester from the Keep had appeared at the door, bearing all manner of tinctures and salves for her aching muscles. The wizened scholar was taciturn and efficient, much to her relief. He briefly examined the rapidly forming bruises along her arms and ribs before explaining in a whispering, papery voice how to apply the medicines he had brought.

Later while reclining in a tub before the hearth in her chambers, Edeline resolved to soundly thank the prince for his kindness. She had rarely known this kind of relief; the complete lack of burns, aches or bruises she had come to expect from her covert line of work.

As the fire crackled and the evening grew later, she found her thoughts wandering more and more towards the younger Targaryen prince, setting her blood simmering even as the bathwater cooled.

A quiet groan slipped past her lips as she let her hand wander down her body, forgoing the light, teasing touches she so enjoyed inflicting upon herself when taking her pleasure. She could still feel Aemond’s gaze on her, appraising, burning, as she laid the young goldcloak low.

It would have been impossible to tell how damp she had become whilst submerged, had she not been acutely aware of the wetness between her thighs since that morning. Water lapped at the edges of the wooden tub as she lazily circled the pads of her fingers at the apex of her thighs.

She sighed softly as the exquisite heat in her core grew, and her imagination transformed her own touches into a swordsman’s long, calloused digits; the warm air brushing across her skin into tender kisses.

Her neck and spine arched, night-dark hair tumbling over the side of the tub as she pictured Prince Aemond standing over her, pale and regal, mouth parted and eye dark with lust as he watched her come undone.

She hovered on the brink for one exquisite, unbearable moment, every muscle drawn taut like the string of a bow.

With a whimper, her climax shattered through her, and Edeline bit down hard on her lip as to muffle her cries. It would not do for one of the servants or, Seven forbid, her family, to investigate the sound.

Waves of pleasure continued to crash over her, even after her fingers stilled on her cunt, and it was a long while before she came down from the high, drowsy and limp.

Almost boneless with satisfaction and exhaustion, Edeline climbed from the now-cold bath before collapsing into the downy comfort of her bed, her skin still dripping onto the thick furs.

It was not long before sleep claimed her; the imagined scent of dragonfire and sword oil curling around her like the arms of a lover.

@mswintersoldier​ @deadbranch​

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

[danafeelingsick]

Hello! It's me again, the one who asked permission to write somwthing based off your art!

Lemme ask you something real quick!

Tristamp Vash's been around for about 150 years, do you think he ever got sick during this time?

If he has never been sick in his life, do you think his plant powers would make it even worse?

Can you imagine him feeling sick/nauseous for the first time and not understanding what is happening with his body?

I dont know why, I can see his powers making him suffer a little more with what to Meryl is something normal

hi there! thanks so much for your interest. i'm honored some of my art inspired you (˶◜ᵕ◝˶) hope this ramble down here made any sense though:

i think maybe yes. even though I love the trope of a non-human sickie experiencing nausea for the first time, i feel like tristamp vash needing to eat and sleep leaves him very vulnerable to picking up a stomach bug or eating something bad. we already know '98 and trimax both get sick, i think trimax vash even had a chapter where he was sick and feverish (but it didn't go into detail sadly). and when that happens he probably gets very sick for several days, and has to deal with that all by himself. or maybe he returns to Home for help.

but if you'd rather go the route of he never got sick before and the first time happens around Meryl, Wolfwood and Roberto, then you can also excuse it by him being around humans for long enough got him sick (he picked up something off them). i mean, do scenarios like that even need an explanation?

going into light spoilers for tri/gun stam/pede here!

ooh, and i totally can imagine him experiencing nausea for the first time. he doesn't notice the first symptoms since he has a good tolerance for pain, but internal pain he doesn't know the cause is a new one. so he ignores the shivers, the discomfort, but that stomach-sinking feeling every now and then he can't really place it. and when he starts to feel queasy it's such a foreign feeling he can't help but get anxious, not knowing what's wrong. it evolves to a point where he is dizzy, he so feels bad, he feels heavy, gross and slimy and he just needs to sit down and try to collect himself, and maybe keep himself from crying.

or he could just not get sick that often because his body probably knows how to deal with it, or he isn't as susceptible to illness. it has to be something very gnarly to get him actually sick, like exhaustion and lack of care, some made-up bug only plants get.

about his plant anatomy when sick: aside from the glowing patterns showing up if he's too weak to surpress them, maybe they show up exactly where it hurts (maybe they light a trail from his belly all the way up to his throat when he's about to puke 😳). vash being a plant (this is my own interpretation and do remember i am fairly dumb with those things) means he can transform his energy into other things, although it's something he can't quite control, so when he's sick these processes get all twisted. he probably produces a lot of heat and gets super high fevers, like could burn – not really burn but make it uncomfortable to the touch – someone if they try to hold him for too long. he can't handle food at all, so giving him soup is just so he'll have something to vomit because that won't stay down, and he won't really be able to digest it. maybe those black vines come out of his limbs too, but those either don't last long or he won't let anyone see them. and i feel like Vash could influence the smaller life-forms around him when he's sick, so they often quarantined him back in Home so it wouldn't damage the flora there, or maybe all of the worms would avoid him if he was in the desert, he probably avoided the citys too, just in case whatever he had was contagious.

it's all down hill from there. he doesn't really know how to hold in his vomit, or what nausea even feels like, so when he starts gagging and feeling like his belly is trying to turn itself out, the fear finally gets to him.

i feel like he would be very guilty and apologetic about vomiting once he knows what it is exactly. he doesn't need as much food as humans do, resources are scarce, but he does feel hunger and thirst, and it still feel wrong about wasting anything.

ooo rant over

[geminiamethyst]

Skyline Gang: Trial of Darkness. Chapter 20

Chapter 1: click HERE

Chapter 19: click HERE

Chapter 21: click HERE

I am almost finished with uni. Plenty of time to do more writing at last XD

Enjoy!

The day came and went. They were getting closer to the temple. Bud estimated that if they started early enough in the morning, it wouldn’t take too long of a walk to get there. At least a mile and half now. They would’ve kept going but it got dark and too dangerous to try to go any further. Just one more night. One more night and this would finally be over. Honestly, if it were safer to do so, Dude would’ve happily ran for that mile since it was something that he’s capable of. But it was better to be safe than sorry. Rule number one of travelling in a group: don’t split from them. There’s been enough of that since the earthquake. Not to mention, the monster that chased them was still out there somewhere. It hasn’t made one appearance since they outran it before. Why it didn’t show up again was a mystery. If it gave up, great! But if it shows up again, there’s no telling if things will make it easy to get away. Especially if it came while they slept. The Skyline Gang will have to take turns keeping watch again.

“Misty, put it back in the case.” Bud sighed, feeling extremely exhausted. Misty had done it again. She got bored and fed up and pulled out the Sceptre so fast that no one could catch her.

“I’m just looking at it!” Misty smirky, twirling around the Sceptre like a baton. Due to its length, it nearly whacked Candi and Pip on their heads. They both evacuated out of her way.

“With the amount of times you’ve taken it out of the case, you shouldn’t be that obsessed with it.” Mimi scowled, fighting to tie her hair back in a ponytail. Misty only laughed, still playing around with the artefact. Black mist started to come from it, spreading throughout the camp. It started to suffocate the three electric lamps that were surrounding them. Sprout, Mimi, and Bud started to shiver a little from the darkness. They each held onto the Sceptre. With it being exposed in the open again, it felt like, how it was when they needed to switch with holding it. Dude had it worse. He had been exposed to it more than almost everyone else. He hadn’t heard that whispering for so long that he almost forgot completely about it. His teeth had to be clenched as there was this urge for them to chatter. His body was trembling. His hair stood up on end and his chest felt tight. There was this feeling of something being constricted around his neck. This darkness…he felt it before.

Why was it always him?!

“Misty, put it away!” Dude suddenly shouted. His voice was so loud and demanding that it caused everyone to freeze. Misty especially acted like a stone statue right then and there. After a couple of seconds, she cautiously placed the Sceptre of Shadows away. As she sat down, the darkness melted away, allowing the light to come back. Sprout, Mimi and Bud finally stopped shivering from the Sceptre’s dark magic. Dude however, still felt the after effects. He just had this urge to run away.

“Dude, are you okay?” Pip asked, noticing how pale Dude had gotten.

“Excuse me…” was all that he muttered before he stood up and walked away, taking a lamp with him. He ignored that no splitting from the party rule. Honestly he didn’t care about that. He just wanted five minutes away from that stupid Sceptre. That’s all. He walked as carefully as he could, glancing down at the ground so he wouldn’t trip on a root or fallen branch. By time he stopped walking, he was looking over a cliff. He shuddered a little as he remembered what happened at the bridge. He still denies that he has a fear of heights, but he can’t deny that the thought of being high up makes him queasy. At least he had a clear view of the landscape. Nothing but jungle. With the moon being out though, it was honestly quite stunning to look at. It just gave this silvery effect to the canopy. And so many stars were out. Without the light pollution, the stars had never been so clear before. It was like being surrounded by billions of diamonds. A couple of constellations could be seen. A night sky like this made Dude forget about the Sceptre for a little bit. He looked back over the jungle, taking in the land once again. That’s when something broke in the trees. He could see what looked like a structure in the moonlight. It was like a pointed tip of a cone. Was that the top of the temple? Well, at least he had a good general direction of where the Gang needed to go now. Dude was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard rustling behind him. He whipped around, expecting an animal or monster to jump out at him. However, he relaxed a little when he noticed a light through the trees.

“Dude?” A voice accompanied the light.

“Here.” Dude responded, showing his light so that the bearer of the second light could see it. More rustling from the underbrush, becoming more prominent. The first to appear was Rainbow. He had been tracking him easily. Mimi was right behind him, pushing past any leaf that would dare come across her. She stepped around Rainbow, taking her own spot next to Dude. Rainbow planted himself a couple of metres away from them, keeping watch. Mimi didn’t say anything right away. She just stood next to Dude, taking in the many stars in the sky like he had done. Such a fabulous view of them to her. However, despite the beauty, she could sense this shadow looming over both of them.

“What’s wrong?” Mimi finally asked as the air seemed to clear.

“What do you mean?” Dude asked back. Not a good answer. He knew what Mimi meant. Why else would she give herself trouble by following him?

“You looked a little freaked out.” She was blunt to point out. Freaked out? That was quite the understatement.

“Just needed to get away from that Sceptre for a bit.” Dude muttered, shuddering as he recalled how cold the air was around him back at the camp. Mimi rubbed his back, trying to help keep him calm.

“I know right. It’s creepy.” She agreed, recalling the time that she held the Sceptre. She was told why it was rotating around. At first, she didn’t quite believe it until it started to affect her and her fabulous colours were fading away.

“It’s not that.” Dude shook his head, eyes reflecting the fear inside him. He hadn’t thought about it up until now. How could he not have thought about it? “Every time I look at it or hold it, something about it makes my skin crawl. It’s like when…”

“When what?” Mimi gently asked. Rainbow started to neglect his guard dog duties as he sensed the stress coming from Dude. Dude meanwhile tried to not think too much into it. That age old instinct to hold it in fought ferociously to win. To hide, to suppress and keep it together. He can’t do that. Not anymore.

“When she…you know…” he spoke almost too softly. When his words failed, his hand trailed up to his neck. His fingertips made contact with his skin. The touch was light, but it was more than enough to make him shake.

“When Dawn attacked you?” Mimi finished, connecting the dots all too easily. That image flashed in her mind, and not for the first time. Dude being pulled back by his neck and hanging limply in the air by a shadow. Dawn looming next to him, threatening to kill him within a second. Confusion as to why she didn’t get it over with. And terror upon the realisation of it being a distraction to kill the others right in front of Dude as he struggled to breathe. It was a sight that she wished that she could forget. And she knew that the same thing rang true for those that also witnessed it.

“Yeah…It feels almost like her. If not, exactly.” Dude shuddered, his hand dropping to his side, swinging limply. That moment…that stroke of death…he’ll never forget it. It’s not that the others had experienced something similar. They had a taste of the darkness when Dawn took their shadows, but that’s was more of a cloud or a storm. And when they got hit by the darkness again, it only swatted them away like bugs. Dude’s experience was much more terrifying. He had direct, threatening contact with it on his skin. For several seconds no less. Now it almost makes sense as to why he was affected by it so easily. How scary.

“She’s gone, Dude. We all saw it happen.” Mimi said, continuing to rub Dude’s back. She felt how tense each muscle was under his clothes.

“Then why do I feel like it’s not over with her yet?” Dude fired back, voice low and quiet. Mimi didn’t have an answer to that. Who would? Dude went back to be silent for now. He just felt too tired to say more. He felt Rainbow brush up against his leg. He stroked the soft fur, feeling more at ease. This just felt like Deja Vu all over. Dude had been in a position similar to this before. He stormed off once when Dawn was still alive and Mimi and Rainbow were the ones to find him. He spoke honestly about his worries and they both listened, making him feel better. Just that feeling of having someone listen to him was so good to have around him.

“Dude, you’re tired. You need to rest.” Mimi suddenly said, taking a better look at Dude.

“No I don’t.” He protested. Rest? He can’t rest. He can’t afford that right now.

“You’re running on fumes right now.” Mimi continued.

“I…I can’t just slack off!” Dude also continued his protests. Maybe he was a little tired, but he was fine. He was sure of it. It was just a side effect from the Sceptre. “I need to protect you guys!”

“No, at least not for now. You need to sleep.” Mimi countered, crossing her arms. She’s not giving up on this. She won’t let Dude hurt himself like this.

“I’ll be fine.” Dude shrugged.

“Dude, please.” Mimi begged, her tone becoming stronger.

“I’ll rest once this is over.” Dude continued to defend himself.

“No! Now!” Rainbow joined in, grumbling from the protesting. He had a plan. If Dude kept this up, he’ll nab him by the scruff of his neck, drag him back to camp and lie on top of him until he fell asleep. Overkill? Maybe a little, but he knew how badly Dude needs to sleep right now. He could feel it. Dude glanced at both of his friends. He didn’t want to rest. He needed to stay awake. He needed to keep everyone safe. But then he started to flake a little. Everything inside him started to slow down. It was like his body was arguing against him too. He felt like he couldn’t stand up anymore. Maybe some rest will do some good.

“Okay, you win.” He relented, knowing that he’s not going to win this one.

“Thank you.” Mimi smiled as she gave Dude a small hug. Although he was surprised, he returned the hug. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to help him. Tired, and just wanting to take their minds off of everything else, they all returned to the camp where the others were waiting. No one was playing around with the Sceptre, much to Dude’s relief. They were just talking about random things and even laughed a little.

“Is everything okay?” Candi asked as the three came back. Everyone else went quiet upon hearing the question.

“Yeah, just needed some air.” Dude sighed, trying to smile a little. It was forced, but honestly he didn’t care. Just try to make it seem like it wasn’t as bad as it looked earlier. Though, he knew that faking it wouldn’t take him that far with his friends.

“That’s quite contradictory to science.” Bud suddenly interjected. No one could stop him as he spouted out his next words like a waterfall. “You can’t get any fresher air compared to where we are. It’s a process called photosynthesis. It’s when the leaves take in carbon dioxide and water and use the energy of the sun to convert them into chemical compounds to feed the trees. A by-product of this chemical reaction is the production and release of oxygen, the air that we breathe.”

“Bud, it’s an expression.” Pip smiled kindly as Bud finished his science lecture. He looked a little ashamed from his lack of social understanding, but Pip patted his back reassuringly. “But rockin’ cool fact though.”

“Hey, Gang! How do all plants communicate? Eh?” Sprout suddenly started grinning. Misty rolled her eyes, believing that the punchline was going to be bad. “Through the TREEline!”

It felt good to laugh. It felt good to talk. Even Rainbow joined in with a couple of words. For the first time since this whole journey started, everyone forgot about the Sceptre and their mission. They forgot about this darkness they were trying to stop. They forgot all the bad things that have happened to them. All they focused on was the here and now. It was like they were just going on an adventure, like in a children’s story book. Eating, drinking, laughing and talking. Just something so natural to all of them. They’d lose track of the topic that they talked about before moving onto something completely different. Whether it be facts from Bud to song ideas from Pip, no one took it all for granted. It was like gold to all of them. It felt that good to just relax.

It was only when Mimi spotted something that she got everyone to quiet down a little. The camp went silent as she pointed to Dude. He wasn’t laughing, he wasn’t talking. He wasn’t even sitting up, he was lying down. Fatigue finally got to him and he willingly accepted it. How did no one else notice him falling asleep like that? Oh well, better not question it. Come to think of it, the notion of sleep suddenly reared its head, catching up to everyone one by one.

“I’ll take first watch.” Bud volunteered, taping at his smartwatch for a timer. “I’ll wake someone else up in an hour and a half to take over.”

“Don’t wake up Dude first. Let him rest.” Mimi spoke up, grabbing ahold of Dude’s rucksack. She didn’t hesitate in starting to search through it. Really she shouldn’t be doing this, but she pushed morality aside in order to make Dude feel more comfortable.

“I agree. Goodnight everyone.” Bud muttered, the timer now all set. Mimi didn’t respond back as she found what she was looking for. She pulled out the blue blanket easily. She draped it right over her blue friend. She was partly worried that Dude would wake up, but was relieved when all he did was shift a little in his sleep. Was Dude always this handsome? she thought to herself with a smile. Her face then went almost bright red at that thought. Nope! Don’t think like that! She’s just tired! Yeah, that’s it. Hurriedly, she yanked out her own blanket out of her rucksack. Everyone else did the same. Rainbow took his spot next to Bud. He didn’t know if he’ll be able to stay awake for as long as Bud would, but he’ll try to. He didn’t want to make anyone feel alone while they’re awake for as long as he could. Bud turned off two of the electrical lamps to save battery power. If one died on him or one of the others while standing guard, they’ll have a back up light source. The others started settling down, looking forward to this whole adventure being over by tomorrow.

“Goodnight Misty.” Candi smiled, pulling her pink blanket around herself.

“Yeah…night…” Misty muttered. Candi froze for a little bit. Something seemed off. She didn’t know what it was, but for a while now something just didn’t sit right with her at all. It all centred around Misty. She knows that they have some kind of connection. While it’s not exact, she can sometimes feel Misty’s emotions.

“Are you okay?” Candi asked, trying to extend an olive branch. If Misty was troubled by something, maybe she can try to help.

“I’m fine! Just let me sleep!” Misty snapped, turning her back to Candi, facing the darkness of the jungle. Candi flinched at those words. She was just trying to help.

“Leave her Candi.” Sprout muttered, yawning as he fell asleep almost right away. All but Bud and Rainbow fell asleep just as quickly. Candi only lingered to stay awake for a little bit more. She knows that something’s wrong. She can feel it deep inside. Misty was conflicted about something. And it was hurting her. She knew it. No one can tell her otherwise. This awful feeling will just hang over her head for as long as it takes. Who knows when she’ll be feeling alright again? No. Once this is over, everything will be dandy, just like her favourite colour. Everything will just go back to normal. Who knows? Maybe they’ll finally find a clue as to how to get home. Their real home, not the Skyline. One can only hope. That was one of the last few things Candi thought of before she finally drifted off to sleep.

It’ll all be over soon…

[anxiouspregnantlady]

12+5

I had to think for a bit before titling this post. That's good, right?

Nausea. Definitely more tolerable. But. It's still lingering :( mostly after I eat. I can't eat very much at a time, and I feel queasy for quite a while post any kind of meal. I'm still taking a whole unisom every night, mind you.

Bump. It's big. It's there. No doubt about it. I am having a hard time disguising my belly. Also can definitely feel my uterus. It has been there for a while, I just missed it/ thought it was poop for a few days because I didn't expect it to be SO high. It's still a ways away from my belly button, but golly.

Movement. Ok...I think I can feel some flutters. Not every day, and not for certain, but...FAIRLY sure?! This bb likes music. The new TS album is beginning to grow on me, so I guess that shall be the sound track of this bb's wombtime.

Confidence. Combo of growing bump + potential movement has meant my anxiety level has been quite low, yay! I have a few moments of worrying about my decision to skip the NIPT (i skipped it last time too), but they aren't strong.

Really tired. Gosh. I had really hyped myself up for the magical 12-week mark. I mean, I had to. I needed hope to cling to. But the reality is, I'm still remarkably tired (and kinda nauseous, though much better, see above). Pregnancy makes me really philosophical about tiredness. Our English language is impoverished when it comes to describing the WIDE VARIETY of tireds that a human can experience. There's many normal kinds of tired. Like digesting tired, end-of-day tired, did a pull up tired, ran a race tired, social tired, talking tired, big emotions tired, existential tired, hyper/wired tired. One level below there's jetleg tired, relaxed and drowsy tired, chronic tired. AND THEN, there is pregnancy kinda tired. BONE TIRED. SO TIRED YOU HAVE A HEADACHE FROM THE DEPTH OF EXHAUSTION. Mitochondrial screaming tired. DEMENTOR SUCKED YOUR SOUL TIRED. I think coming out of the first trimester has bumped me back from the 3rd group to the 2nd. But man, I'm still tired.

Thirsty. hella thirsty and water tastes horrible. Found a great hack: Ice + lemon + water in vacuum thermos. Body armor is also great.

It's so cold and I don't know what to wear. Was banking on only needing big-belly clothes in the warmer weather. Well. I still have my winter coat on. Wearing husband's sweatpants for now, but still feeling overall frumpy.

[islandpcosjourney]

IVF/ICSI Day 8

29th sept 2023

STIMS action scan

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears” - Psalms 34:4

7 Days ago I had just written about carrying out my first injection as part of the STIMS stage of our IVF cycle. I asked for prayers to help me build my confidence and they were answered. I did not live in fear of those injections each day and I carried them out without hesitation 🙏🏻

After the 2nd one, I sat in church for our Saturday service during communion weekend feeling a little tender from that particular stabbing but I knew I wanted to be there and that desire placed a cloak over the pain I felt. I was comforted by the fellowship of my lovely congregation afterwards who are so supportive of our journey and we are so grateful for their prayers, hugs & messages of encouragement. I didn't sleep very well that night because I felt nauseous and what really struck Kevin in the morning was that I was not up for the fry-up I'd been looking forward to for weeks 😂 I eventually managed an Iron-Bru sausage (culinary ingenuity of one of our local butcher's) and ½ a slice of black pudding but I still felt queasy. A lady in my IVF WhatsApp group told me she also felt the same on the morning of day 3 and that it passed so I was glad to hear that I wouldn't necessarily feel this way for the remainder of the week!

By Monday, Kevin was packing up to leave for 5wks and my hormones were all over the place! I was moody, I was in tears, I was laughing, I was numb - at least Kevin got to witness some of it before he left 🤪 small matters were getting to me, noises grated on me, I felt overstimulated at every turn and I found myself appreciating what some people with autism have to handle everyday when they are sensory, emotionally, intellectually & socially overstimulated. It wasn't much fun. I had my mum on speed-dial, my dog to cuddle & 4wks of packing to do which kept me grounded!

By Tuesday, I was on the ferry and facing my first morning injection - a pre-filled needle this time. I was warned that it might sting and cause some irritation - the nurse was right 😂 so I just lay down and slept through it, it was going to be a rough crossing anyway with the bad weather - but I missed it all! By the time I reached Edinburgh I was exhausted and had a headache so I had a nap to reset.

Wednesday & Thursday I was in work at the Scottish Bible Society office, meeting colleagues I hadn't yet met, enjoying bible study with them - it is so wonderful, inspiring & refreshing to work in an environment where each member of staff also walks with the Lord! 🙏🏻 Being a remote member of the team can be challenging at times so it's really important to connect with colleagues in person every so often to maintain strong relationships and I am so blessed to have had these couple of days this week to do that and hopefully a couple more next week too.

It is a relaxing work environment and even though I felt abdominally uncomfortable (like I was on Day 1 of my period all day every day, cramping & sore legs from pinching nerves) I really wanted to be there and a great working environment can make all the difference to someone's experience going through any sort of treatment alongside everyday life. It served me not only spiritually to be there but also as a great distraction to keep focused on what was important - not overthinking things (as I'm in bad habits of doing) and allowing God's work to be carried out as He means it to be. It can be so easy to fall into traps, to be lured into the world of IVF, talking with non-believers about their experiences, comparing notes, hearing their anxieties (and mirroring their burdens) and getting sucked into their negative trains of thought where they try to find scientific/secular meaning in every little thing that is happening and ultimately getting no answers.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with pressures and I am not trying to judge but I am so comforted in the process of "Let go and let God" - acknowledging God to direct our paths, letting go of lingering doubts, and submitting our lives to God alone. When God is in control of our lives, our lives become whole.

I have trusted in him to guide me over the years. This is where he led us. I don't know why, I don't know what's to come but I simply trust in Him. Where I was once in fear of the unknown, I now embrace it because it may lead somewhere exciting! Kevin messaged me after my latest appointment:

"I know you don't agree but it's all very exciting. I love the engineering in this. Even if it fails (which it most likely will) it's still exciting 🥰"

He's right, I haven't felt excited, I’ve been the realist, because ultimately excitement leads to disappointment, like you're expecting something & when it doesn’t happen, it feels much worse.... or that's what I thought. I think I am excited now (I felt a lot of joy after today’s appointment) but not because I expect something but rather because I don't. I'm not sure if I'm making sense but stick with me a second...... As I can't expect anything, because I am not in control, only God is, the possibilities are endless, which means that the unknown is an exciting adventure. To know what the end result will be is like a spoiler for a good book or film, it's no fun knowing what happens at the end without going through the middle section of the story first, with all the branches of the plot being intricately knit together. We are just in the middle of it and boy is it now getting exciting not knowing where each stage will lead us!

Speaking of which, the next stage! So I have had my action scan, which was to check on the progress of my follicles. An internal ultrasound was used to check that the lining of my uterus was thick enough & to look at both my ovaries to measure the size of each follicle. My right ovary has produced more follicles than the left, which I suppose makes sense because we naturally ovulate from alternating ovaries each month - September is clearly the turn of my right side 🤩

In order to proceed on to the next stage of egg collection, they were looking for 3 follicles to be 17mm. I have 3 @ 17, 18 & 19mm, 3 @ 10, 11 & 12mm and loads of wee ones (measuring smaller than 10). So, they’re hoping to find eggs in the 3 largest follicles, hoping the next 3 will grow a wee bit more so they’re mature enough to harvest eggs from those too but they won't expect the small ones to become mature enough - but 6 is a good number, we don’t want too many, we want quality egg production 🤪

The most important point is that I won’t be subjected to any more days of hormone injections than is absolutely necessary - I’ve only had to do the minimum amount, 8 days, when really I was expecting 10-12. Saturday will be my final day on hormones, with my last injection (Ovitrelle) being @ 2315, 36hrs before scheduled egg collection - this is to mature the follicles so that they can be drained on Monday, hopefully to locate an egg in each one (a growing follicle does not mean there’s an egg present within it).

God is so good to have watched over me and protected me thus far to allow each stage of this process to work as effectively as it has.

Once eggs have been collected, on Monday afternoon they will be (using the ICSI process) individually injected with Kevin’s thawed sperm and we will know by Tuesday morning if any fertilisation has taken place.

Prayer points to consider:

Pray for the cycle to continue as smoothly as possible.

Pray for Màiri as she prepares to go under conscious sedation on Monday.

Pray for Calum, Màiri’s brother, who will be driving Màiri & Christine up to Dundee on Monday (an early start leaving before 6.30am)

Pray for Christine, that her fibromyalgia will not flare up and that she will feel well enough to support Màiri.

Pray for a resolution to their travel plan options on how to return from Dundee to Edinburgh afterwards.

Pray for Kevin who cannot be with Màiri during this process and is supporting remotely from his ship in the North Sea. So far levels of communication have been satisfactory but a stable internet connection is not always possible.

Pray for them both in their relationship, to uphold each other in the strength of their marriage.

Pray for the quality of the eggs to be collected, that they will be blessed with God’s Grace.

Pray for the ICSI process, that the egg/sperm will not be compromised.

Pray for the staff in the unit - the embryologists, nurses & consultants.

Pray for those who are also going through infertility or have gone through it, no matter how long ago, for the pain leaves scars on your heart similar to grief.

On the wall of the waiting room in the ACU unit, Ninewells.

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" - Romans 5:1-5