#i am still so sad and heartbroken from this scene and i will never get over it

[kuqisaki]

i have always been proud... to call you my shield. but now... it is the world that needs you... thank you clive... for being my brother.

[softonshanks]

Real man

Word count: 2100 Characters: Shanks x female reader Plot: Everybody always had the time of their life on the Red Force at night, but Y/N tonight seems sad, even if she usually dances all night. The crew is concerned about her behavior and Shanks tries to investigate: he finds out that she is heartbroken because her boyfriend left her. He tries to console her: one day the right man, a real man, will come and love her as she deserves. But what if he's that man?

Author’s note: Honestly? I’m in love with how this turned out, but I am mortified about the length. Words just kept flowing out of my fingers and I couldn’t stop. I hope you enjoy this as much I enjoyed writing it, even if it’s a bit sad. Also, there are references to a bit of age gap (imagine late twenties – early forties), I hope no one will be concerned or offended. Let me know if you like it and as always, english is not my first language, so I apologise if something is wrong. 

The deck of the Red Force was alive with music, laughter, and the clink of tankards filled to the brim with rum. The crew swayed and stumbled in time to the music, their voices raised in raucous cheer. It was a scene Shanks had orchestrated countless times before—a night of celebration, letting loose under the stars, sailing with nothing but freedom on the horizon. But tonight felt different. Y/N sat apart from the crowd, her back against one of the ship’s sturdy masts, knees pulled up to her chest. Her gaze drifted over the crew as they danced and shouted, lost in their revelry, but her heart wasn’t in it. She clenched her tankard in both hands, staring into the dark liquid inside it as if it might hold some answers, something to make her feel better and fill the hollow ache inside her.

But it didn’t.

“Oi, Y/N!” Yasopp called from the center of the party, swaying slightly with a grin on his face. “Where are you hiding? You’re the true queen of parties!”

Shanks was beside him, his arm slung lazily over the sniper’s shoulder, his laughter booming across the deck. “She’s probably nursing that drink,” Shanks called out, his voice teasing. “Last time she got lucky, but deep down she knows she can’t outdrink me!”

“Still can’t accept that you are not the best drinker on the ship, eh Shanks?,” Benn teased him, as he took a long drag out of his cigarette.

That had been the game—Y/N and Shanks facing off in drinking contests, him always so sure that he’d win, and her always proving him wrong. Despite her small frame, she had a resilience, a fire inside her that burned bright enough to match his. But tonight, that fire was dim. Y/N forced a weak smile and raised her tankard half-heartedly in their direction, but she didn’t get up. Yasopp caught the look in her eyes, his grin fading slightly, and nudged Shanks in the ribs.

“Something’s off,” Yasopp muttered, lowering his voice. Shanks watched her more closely now: the tension in her shoulders, the way her gaze kept drifting out to the horizon instead of to the party. He’d noticed it earlier, how she had been quieter, distant, her usual sharp retorts and bright laughter absent from the night, but he thought it was just a moment, a sudden tiredness that had momentarily slowed down her tireless spirit.

He crossed the deck, his noisy flipflops on the wood, stopping just in front of her. She looked up, eyes glassy with unshed tears, and tried to smile again, but it faltered. 

“Mind if I join you?” Shanks asked, his voice softer now.

Y/N shrugged, scooting over to make room. He sat beside her, his larger frame casting a long shadow over her. For a moment, neither of them spoke, the noise of the party feeling oddly distant despite being just a few feet away. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “You should be out there,” he said, nodding toward the party. “Dancing. Drinking. Outdrinking Yasopp and me of course, even though I’ll never admit it.”

Y/N managed a small smile but didn’t turn to face him. “Not tonight, Captain.”

Shanks frowned. He wasn’t used to this side of her. Y/N was always the one pulling others out of their funks, the one who lit up a room with a laugh that could make even the most serious men crack a smile. He hated seeing her like this—quiet, withdrawn, a far cry from the lively woman he had grown to care about far more than he should have. Shanks tipped his head back, looking at the stars, then glanced sideways at her. “So,” he began, keeping his tone light, “you planning on moping all night, or are you gonna tell me what’s got you looking like Benn stealing your last glass of rum that time?”

She let out a short, humorless laugh and shook her head. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing if it’s making you sit out a party,” Shanks said, nudging her with his shoulder. “Come on, spit it out.”

Y/N bit her lip, her fingers tightening around the tankard. For a moment, she hesitated, unsure if she wanted to let the words spill out. But Shanks was patient, his presence warm and steady beside her, and finally, she sighed, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Jim broke up with me,” she said quietly, her voice barely audible above the wind.

Shanks raised an eyebrow. “That idiot? I should’ve thrown him overboard the first time I saw him”. He tried to keep his usual calm tone, but his voice was hardening despite his attempt to stay calm.

Despite herself, Y/N let out a small laugh. “He was… charming. At first.”

“Charm doesn’t make up for being an asshole,” Shanks said bluntly. He paused, his tone shifting into something more serious. “Would you like to tell me what happened?”

Y/N hesitated, then sighed again, looking down at her hands. “He said I wasn’t enough for him. Said I was too… childish. That I didn’t know what it meant to be in a real relationship, not serious enough for true commitment. Said I wasn’t worth the trouble.”

Shanks’ face darkened, a rare flash of anger crossing his features. “He doesn’t know a thing about you. You’re better off without him.”

“That's perfect, 'cause he dumped me,” she said, her voice cracking just slightly at the end.

Shanks knew Y/N had been seeing this guy, a merchant, if he remembered correctly – in one of the port towns of the Island they were staying. Tall, good-looking in that clean-cut, boring sort of way. He had never liked him, though he hadn’t said anything to Y/N about it. He watched her leave the ship when they had free time, saying she was going to see him. For two months straight, he always greeted her with a smile, but his feeling were a different story. She’s young, he used to tell himself. She’s just like you when you were younger, she should be having fun. You are just her old captain. Let her be.

Now, knowing what had happened, he felt a surge of anger. He wished he had told her sooner that he knew that guy was no good for her. But the inability to tell if his instinct were right as usual, or if this time jealousy had won him over, forced him to stay silent. Shanks felt a hot burst of fury in his chest. He clenched his jaw, trying to keep it from showing, but it was there—sharp and sudden. 

“That idiot doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about,” Shanks said, his voice rougher than he intended. “He’s blind if he can’t see how lucky he was to be near someone who is joufyll like you. If he can’t handle you living your life on your own terms, then he’s not worth the salt in his veins”.

Y/N’s lip trembled, and she looked away quickly, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “I know, I just… it just feels like… like maybe there’s something wrong with me. My parents used to tell me too, you know” she said, making the alcohol in her glass dangerously move. “You’re too loud,” she tried to emulate the disappointed tone of her mother’s voice, after having chugged all she had in her glass. “You can’t take life seriously,” she repeated once again, feeling her mother’s stare on her. Y/N took the half empty bottle of rum Shanks had in his hands, pouring the dark liquor in her tankard once again.

Shanks felt a pang in his chest, seeing her like this. She was always the one laughing, teasing, strong in a way that made the world seem lighter just by being in it. Seeing her doubt herself—seeing her hurt like this—made him want to punch something, or better yet, find that merchant and make him regret ever crossing her path.

He wanted to maker her feel better again, so Shanks tried for levity, leaning back on his elbows with a sigh. “Sounds like you dodged a cannonball to me you know,” he said, his voice dipping into that easy, familiar drawl. “Can you imagine? Spending your life with a man like that? He’d probably make you wear fancy dresses and drink tea at noon. You'd be already asleep at this hour”.

Y/N let out a snort of laughter, despite herself, but it quickly turned into a quiet sob. She pressed her hands to her face, shoulders shaking, and Shanks’ heart twisted in his chest. He hated seeing her like this—so small, so vulnerable. He placed a hand on her shoulder, his touch light but firm. “Hey,” he said, his voice gentle now, the teasing gone. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have joked about it. You know me, I can’t take life seriously either,” tried to joke once more.

She shook her head, lowering her hands from her face, smiling to him through tears. “No, it’s not that, I’m fine”, she explained, watching the look of concern growing on Shank’s face. “Seriously, I’m fine. I knew it wasn’t going to last, I just…” she stayed silent for a second, trying to gather the right words. She tried to catch breath, trying not to hate herself more than she was already doing. First, the thing with that idiot, now this: crying in front of her Captain, looking so weak and so…so ugly, with her eyes red, the snot coming out of her nose, the puffy face. She started slowing down her breath, but this was just too much so she let another deep sob escape her.  

Shanks’ hand lingered on her shoulder for a moment longer, then slid down her arm until their fingers brushed. He hesitated, torn between the urge to comfort her and the gnawing uncertainty that had been eating at him for weeks—his feelings for her, the tension between them that he had tried to ignore. Shanks felt a knot tighten in his chest. Of course, that dumbass wasn’t worth it. The man was a fool for leaving her, for not seeing what Shanks had seen in her all along. But how could he say that? How could he tell her what was really on his mind?

He didn’t trust himself to speak, so instead, he took her by the arm, leading her away from the noise and the crowd, past the cabins and down the stairs toward a quiet corner of the ship where they wouldn’t be disturbed. She followed without protest, though her mind was racing. She had never seen Shanks so serious, so intent on something.

Y/N sat down the last step, Shanks let go of her arm and ran a hand through his red hair, exhaling sharply. He leaned against the wall, staring at the ground, his brow furrowed as if he was struggling with something inside of him. She was young and despite her fierce independence, there was a fragility to her that he didn’t want to break. He knew the kind of life he lived wasn’t fair to someone like Y/N—someone who chose this life, but indeed deserved stability, safety, a love that didn’t come with a price. 

He took a deep breath, his gaze searching hers. “Y/N,” he began, his voice rougher than he intended, “you deserve better than some fool who can’t see how amazing you are. You’re strong, you’re smart, and you’ve got a fire in you that no man should ever try to snuff out. You will hurt tonight, but tomorrow you will be fine, and it’s okay. But trust me, please, you don’t have to change for anyone,” the words come quick, like a cascade out of his mouth. 

Then, he placed his arm around her shoulders, keeping her close to him. His chin resting upon her head, her face buried in his chest. Y/N breathing slowed down, finding comfort and warmth in Shanks’ arm. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and vulnerable, and he felt something break inside him as she quietly whispered something that made him freeze. “I hope I will meet someone as kind as you”. She absent-mindedly let it slip, her brain incapable of being as sharp as it usually was. Between all the emotions she was feeling, all the sadness bottled up inside trying to come out, she wan’t as attentive as always. Shanks couldn’t keep this up—this careful distance he had been maintaining, this charade of just being her captain and friend. Not when she looked at him like that. But he had to. 

“Why does it hurt so much?,” she asked, loosening her grip.

“Because that’s what we do: we feel things,” he told her, feeling uncomfortable as she started slipping away.

“Tell me that it does get better,” she begged him, wiping a tear off her face, in the vain act of regaining some dignity. “Tell me that when you grow up you will feel like you know it, like you have it all figured it out”.

He feels a soft smile coming through his face. 

“No, it does’t”, he realveas passing his now-sadly-free-hand in his red hair. “It’s just a fucking mess, but trust me, it’s beautiful. It won’t be better, but it will be worth it”. 

Shanks starts to move slowly towards the door, about to go out, in desperate need of air or, even better, another drink. He needed to go away, before he’d say – or worst, he’d do – something stupid. Y/N stayed there, smiling and thinking about his answer. As soon as she notices his movements, watching him as he tries to leave, she feels a new wave of sadness hitting her.

“Come back?,” she asks with a wishper, hoping it will be loud enough for him to her her. He turns around, smiling at her softly once again. She signs him to come closer, but he reassures her. “I’ll be here in a few seconds, I am just going to grab something to drink for both of us, alright?,” he asks her, incapable of controlling the tenderness in his voice. She nods and sits on the ground, waiting for him. “Shanks,” she calls again as he takes a step back, once again. “Can you steal a cigarette from Benn for me?” asked, still her voice shaky. He let out a soft laugh, raising his thumbs at her.

Shanks stepped out of the cabin and closed the door softly behind him, taking a deep breath. The weight of the air felt lighter out here, away from Y/N’s sorrowful gaze, but the ache in his chest didn’t lessen. He ran a hand through his messy red hair, shaking off the vulnerability that had started creeping in while he comforted her. Who would have thought this was were this night was going: he thought that he could just get drunk and have with her and the crew what they usually do but no, that idiot had to break her heart and now there she is, crying and aching, while he tempts to console her, carefully trying to not let his feeling take the best of him.

"Alcohol. Need some alcohol," he muttered to himself as he came on the deck again, the clamor of voices suddenly filling the air.

“Oi, Captain!” Lucky Roux called out from where the crew had gathered. His cheerful face was now lined with concern, and the others around him were equally somber. “How’s Y/N doing? Is she alright?”

“Yeah, we saw you and her heading under the deck before,” Yasopp chimed in, leaning against the railing, arms crossed. “What’s going on with her? I told you something was off tonight”.

Shanks sighed, stopping in his tracks. He could feel the weight of his crew’s eyes on him. His men were like family, and they cared about Y/N just as much as he did. Keeping things from them wasn’t really an option. Still, this wasn’t something he wanted to dive into.

“She’s... well, it’s about that boy she’s been seeing,” Shanks said reluctantly, scratching the back of his neck. “Broke things off. Hurt her pretty bad.” The crew’s reactions were immediate. Yasopp let out a low whistle, “That bastard,” Roux cursed under his breath.

They were all pissed, Y/N wasn’t just someone on the ship, she was like their little sister, and her pain was their pain. It had been a year now since she joined their crew. Since that moment, they all felt like the fun and laughter, the alcohol and the joy, had doubled – she worked some trick on them, making them feel as if they were all back in their late twenties. 

Roux clenched his fists. “We should teach him a lesson. No one messes with our crew, especially not Y/N.” Shanks held up a hand, his tone even but firm. “No need for that. It’s over. And she needs time, not more trouble,” explained, as Y/N’s heartbreak had become the crew’s problem now, too.

As the others turned to leave, Benn Beckman approached, leaning casually against the doorway, a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. His eyes were sharp, more knowing than most.

"Shanks," Benn called softly, making sure no one else could overhear. 

“Oh you were just the one I was looking for, I need a cig,” Benn raised his eyebrow confused, as Shankes added also his matches in his request. 

“It’s for her,” he explained. Benn gave him what he needed, shaking his head with a soft smile, thinking about the first time Y/N confessed him she didn’t smoke, she was just endlessly smoking her last cigarette.

Shanks and Benn had been friends for so long that words weren’t always necessary—but when they were spoken, they were always heavy. He stopped and met Benn's gaze. "What are you going to do about it?"

Shanks knew exactly what Benn was asking. He wasn’t talking about getting Y/N this cigarette or offering her some comfort. He was asking about the truth Shanks had kept buried for so long. The truth about how he felt about her. 

Shanks' smile faltered for a moment, a rare crack in his usually carefree demeanor. He shifted his weight, feeling the familiar flutter in his chest whenever he thought about Y/N as something more than just a crewmate. He rubbed his thumb along the rim of his glass, his tone softer now. “Nothing she needs right now,” he replied, looking off into the distance as if that might provide some clarity. “She’s hurt, Benn. She doesn’t need more complications”. Benn’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he didn’t press further. He understood Shanks better than anyone, even when the red-haired captain didn’t fully understand himself.

Shanks sighed, feeling the weight of Benn’s words but knowing there wasn’t an easy answer. “She’s hurting now,” he continued, “The only thing I care is to make her feel alright as soon as I can”.

“And what about you?” Benn asked, his voice a low murmur, almost swallowed by the sound of the waves against the ship. “When will you be alright?”

Shanks didn’t respond immediately, his gaze lingering on the closed cabin door where Y/N waited for him. “She’ll be alright,” he repeated, turing away to head back to Y/N with a bottle of rum in hand, the truth hung heavy in the air between them, unspoken but undeniable. Benn watched him go, the cigarette still burning between his fingers, his eyes knowing and weary. He knew Shanks could lie to the crew, and maybe even to Y/N. But lying to himself? That was another battle entirely.

She’ll be alright and it will be worth it, Shanks repeated himself, softly smiling. When he returned, Y/N looked up at him with those same tear-streaked eyes. And for a brief moment, as he sat down next to her and handed her the cig, he wished that for just once, he could tell her everything. But he couldn’t. Not yet. Not when she was already broken. So instead, he smiled, taking a long swig from the bottle, and mentally vowed to stay by her side. Even if it meant keeping his feelings locked away, just a little while longer.

She lit the cigarette taking a long drag, Shanks watching her with a bit of amusement.

“Remember that I’m letting you smoke under the deck just because this is an emergency,” he tried to lighten the mood once again, while taking another sip. She nodded, puffing out the smoke, “so, when are the rest of the guys going to kick Jim’s ass?,” she casually asked. Shanks turned to her, “I heard what they were saying on the deck, they’re not exactly quiet you know,” she explained, “Remind me to say thanks to Roux for wanting to step up for me and defend my honor,” she laughed, while grabbing the bottle and pouring her some.

“You’re smiling a bit,” Shanks noted relieved. “Are you feeling a bit better?” Y/N nodded. 

“Knew that drinking would have helped you,” he joked.

“Maybe it’s the drink,” she repeated. “Or the cigarette,” she took another drag while Shanks drank a bit more. “Or the fact that whenever I am around you, I can help but laugh,” she added smiling once again, Shanks’ heart skipping a bit for what she had just said. 

“Thank you, I will never thank you enough for this,” she turned to face him, moving towards him, resting – with no warning – her head on his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry I kinda ruined the party’s mood tonight,” she continued, finding comfort once again in the cigarette. 

“Well, you can’t always be the life of the party, can you?,” Shanks joked, incapable of stopping himself to enjoy the closeness they were sharing. Before she could speak once again he signed her to be quiet, “I want that to be very clear: you haven’t ruined anything. You felt hurt, it happens. I hope you know that it’s not your fault”, she nodded.

“I truly mean it, Y/N. He was not worth your time or your energy. I think you have shed more tears for him than he deserved. I don’t want to see you cry again,” he said, caressing her puffy cheek with his thumb, “unless if it’s about Benn stealing you last drink again”, he tried to make her smile again. The feeling of her soft skin under his calloused fingers reminded him once again the truth he was trying to avoid: she was a fragile thing, he need to be careful with her.

“You will find a true man who will take care of you,” he added while he stood up to set some distance between them. 

“Can you hug me again before you go?”. Shanks froze, her words hanging in the air. He hadn’t planned on leaving just yet, but her request for another hug—it was the way she said it, the vulnerability in her voice—it almost unraveled him. Turning back to her, he hesitated only for a moment before sitting back down, opening his arm. She nestled into his chest, her small frame fitting perfectly against him. He wrapped his arm around her, holding her close, and for a moment, everything else fell away.

“I ruined your shirt,” she said noticed the stain she caused with her cries.

“Are you feeling better now?” he asked, looking her in those big eyes, still a bit red for the emotional turmoil of the night. She nodded.

“Then it’s fine,” he answered nodding his head in disbelief, as if he could care about a damn shirt. 

“Was it worth it?”, she asked suddenly, her tone quiet yet meaningful. Shanks froze for a moment, taken aback. She had repeated his own words from earlier, the ones he had spoken to try and reassure her. Shanks felt his breath hitch slightly. He gently pulled away, giving her a bit of space, though he kept her hand close, his fingers barely brushing against hers, reluctant to lose contact. The look on her soft face was sending his mind into shambles, and suddenly, the air between them felt impossibly thick, each breath heavy with everything left unsaid. His lips parted as if to say something, but the words seemed to falter on the tip of her tongue. Shanks’ heart pounded in his chest, louder than anything else, and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her—how her eyes still held that same vulnerability, but there was something else now. Something more. 

“You are always worth it,” he said finally, his voice low and steady. She blinked up at him, her expression softening as she leaned in just a little closer. “I’m glad,” she whispered, her gaze flickering to his lips for the briefest of moments. It was enough for him to notice, to feel that pull again—the one that told him he was dangerously close to crossing a line. But it didn’t feel dangerous anymore. It felt right. Tell her. Don’t tell her, let her rest, you will grow over it. Tell her, it will be worth it.

“I—” Shanks swallowed hard, standing up while feeling his throat tighten. “I’ve wanted to say this for a while now, but I wasn’t sure if I should. You’re younger than me, and I know… I know I’m not what people would call a “good man”. But I—”

Before he could finish, she stood up as well, almost facing him. “Shanks,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “Don’t”. He froze, his breath catching in his throat, his heart pounding so loud he was sure she could hear it. He knew it: he shouldn’t have let his emotions get the best of him. He should have at least waited until all of this was months behind her. But then she leaned in, closing the distance between them, her lips brushing against his in a kiss that was soft, but filled with a quiet kind of desperation. He didn’t move at first, too stunned by the feel of her against him, until something inside him snapped and he kissed her back, his hand sliding into her soft hair as he pulled her closer. It wasn’t a kiss of passion—it was something gentler, more intimate, the beginning of something that had been waiting for a long time to surface. When they finally pulled apart, both of them breathless, Shanks rested his forehead against hers, his heart still racing in his chest.

“I’ll show you,” the words urged to come out of his body, he needed to get this out of his chest. “I’ll show you how you what a real man does when he’s lucky enough to be with a woman like you. Tell me you’ll let me and I will do it”. Please let me.

Y/N smiled, her eyes bright with something that looked like hope, and she kissed him again, a soft peck on the lips, while her hand rested on the side of his face. Their foreheads remained pressed together, breaths mingling as they stood in the quiet intimacy of the moment. Y/N’s fingers lightly traced the side of his face, her touch gentle and reverent, like she was afraid to break the delicate spell between them. Her smile wavered slightly, not from doubt but from the overwhelming emotion of it all—the love she had kept hidden for so long, now finally set free.

"Shanks," she whispered, her voice so soft it was almost lost in the small space between them. "I don't need you to show me anything I haven’t seen already". Shanks closed his eyes for a moment, exhaling a deep breath, feeling the weight of her words settle in his chest. When he opened them again, he looked at her with all the certainty he had in the world. His thumb brushed across her cheek.

“I know this wasn’t the best timing” he whispered back, his voice low and rough with emotion. “But I had to take it off my chest, Y/N”.

Her hand lingered against his skin, her heart thudding in her chest as she searched his face for any sign of hesitation—but there was none. There was only love, plain and simple. It was so clear now, as if it had always been there, waiting for them to recognize it. She caressed his scar, making him shiver due to her gentle touch. He wasn’t used to this. 

For a long moment, neither of them moved, the air between them thick with everything unspoken. And then, in a quiet voice that seemed to crack with vulnerability, Y/N whispered, “I don’t want you to think that I am doing this out of sadness. I’ve always thought this. You. Us – something more than the strong bond we shared before, but I felt so dumb and inappropriate, how was I supposed to—”

Shanks tilted her chin up gently, his gaze unwavering as he leaned in closer, their lips just a breath apart. “It doesn’t matter now,” he murmured. He kissed her again, once again with a slow tenderness that made her melt into him, her body soft against his. His hand slid up to the back of her neck, his fingers gripping slightly as if he was holding on for dear life, afraid that if he let go, she would disappear. But she didn’t, she held him close, her hand still on his cheek, pulling him tighter against her. When they finally broke apart again, Shanks leaned back just enough to look into her eyes, his own filled with an intensity that made Y/N’s breath hitch in her throat. “I meant what I said,” he told her, his voice low but steady. “I want to take care of you. Not because you need it—but because I’ve waited so long before finding someone to love you like you should be loved,” he softly spoke, feeling finally lighter. The weight he was carrieng from six months until now was driving him mad but now, since they kissed, he felt as if he’d been on land for too long and he just saw the ocean again.

“I know we don’t have an easy life, but I told you, I will give you all the love I have in me. But I need you to know if you’re 100% sure about this,” he explained.

“I am,” she smiled. “I know I’ll never find someone who’ll beat my drinking skills,” she joked, her wide wide smile found again, “but I need someone who can keep up, or at least tries to,” concluded with a small laugh. Shanks laughed with her, the thing that made him happy the most is that he finally recognised her Y/N, the sadness seemed to have passed, just like a storm. 

“I will beat your ass tomorrow night, you know that”, he said, hugging her once more.

“I look forward to”.

[dollypopup]

sorry, still on this soapbox but

we have really, REALLY done Colin a disservice in this fandom. we spent so long viewing him primarily as a Love Interest and not as a Character. But when we see and analyze him as a character, so many of his actions make sense, and it becomes almost ridiculous, the dynamics we've imposed on this couple (yes, I'm talking about the 'Colin fucked up and needs to prove himself to Penelope' narrative) when there's so much more nuance and beauty to their pairing than we give them credit for

we as the audience focus so much on Penelope's perspective in their relationship, of course, because we have so much of her perspective in the show, and so our frustrations with Colin stem from that, but we get more insight into him than Penelope does. The 'I would never court her' scene that we've been livid over for years is considerably softened when we actually look at Colin as a character, and the circumstances around his actions.

Colin spends season 2 SAD. He is straight up not okay. We leave Colin in Season 1 freshly heartbroken and running away to Greece to heal. In Season 2, we meet him again, considerably more somber. Colin doesn't participate in the dances. He even says 'I'm just a spectator'. Colin talks about how he started a conversation with himself, tried to understand what he wants and how he feels. Colin offers Benedict shroom tea, and for a moment, JUST A MOMENT, we see the facade slip. His mask cracks. 'Are you quite alright, brother?' and then it's gone. Then he's cheerful again. Calm Colin. Nice Colin.

Colin who is okay.

But Colin is *not* okay. Colin completely isolates himself from women. Colin doesn't flirt, doesn't entertain female attention. Colin is heartbroken, trying to be better. But he views Penelope as a friend, a sacred relationship, a worthwhile relationship, and he can't bear to lose her. To him, Penelope is arguably his closest friendship. His best friend. And in an entire town full of people who don't listen to him, he thinks Penelope does. Unlike the typical dynamic of the ton, in which men are ONLY speaking to women by viewing them as potential sexual partners, Colin views Penelope as a whole person. She doesn't just exist as a romantic option to him, but as a vital connection in his life. That's why the 'I am a woman' 'You are. . .Pen' is so important to view as an act of love- Penelope is NOT just a woman as the ton sees her, good for marriage prospects and little else, Penelope is a complete person. Yes, she's a woman, but more importantly, she's PEN. She's a full human being. And he values her as such. We cannot say the same for the grand majority of men in his society. Tell me any other male-female friendships like that in the ton where that level of respect is given?

But for Penelope, it's hurtful, because she WANTS to be seen as a romantic option in his eyes. That's a fair feeling, though we as an audience should recognize that it can be both upsetting to Pen, and also deeply beautiful as a sentiment. Because of Penelope's hopes of Colin as a romantic prospect, she does not see that he is hurting. Because of our connection as a fandom to Penelope, we do not see it, either. But he *is* hurting. In all of Season 2 he's hurting. That's why he throws himself into the Jack mess. He wants, NEEDS a distraction. He wants to find a place in his world, his society. Honestly? He needs a win. He has spent the last year losing and losing and losing. Who can blame him for being sick of it? His engagement blows up, he finds out his family pays no attention to him, that no one cares about his agency, and he's publicly humiliated. If he invests, if he makes money, he might make more male connections. Might run in more important circles. Like his brothers do. Might prove himself. But Colin isn't friends with the men of the ton. We don't see ANY evidence that he has strong friendships with any of them. Because he isn't like them.

He is 22 years old. Treated like a child in his own family. When he talks about his travels, no one listens. Everyone dismisses him. 'Remarkable, yes, in the sense that I have many remarks about it'. Colin is invisible. He is trying to slot himself in his community, but he does not fit neatly into it. He connects with Will, a man outside his community, and Penelope, a woman also outside his community, because *Colin* exists outside his community. He's the foolish boy who fell headfirst for a woman who lied to him. He's the 'green' baby walking in his older brother's footsteps and unable to fill them. He doesn't behave the way other men of the ton do. He doesn't talk like other men of the ton do. Hell, he *apologizes* to women. We have men NOW in the MODERN ERA who don't even apologize to women.

His own *mother* doesn't even notice he was dating someone for several months in season 1. Colin is a pretty, empty ghost wandering around Mayfair, and so of course he's thrown into a locker room conversation with a bunch of guys who have never once seen a woman as a person, and doesn't relate to them. Colin's not joking and having fun with these men. We very purposefully do not see his reaction after he delivers the 'I would never court her' line.

Colin is uncomfortable around them, but he needs their help to make it up to Will, someone who was kind to him and who he looks up to. He has the mask on so firmly in that scene, it's physically obvious to see. If you compare his reactions around Penelope to his reactions around Fife, it's stark. With Penelope he's open, his eyes are soft, his expression is curious and kind, his shoulders are relaxed. Around Fife he's closed off, eyes hard, muscles tense. Who can blame him? He's acting. He's acting just like he's acting around Jack.

When we look at Colin as a whole character, we get insight into his actions and they make SENSE. The things he say that hurt Penelope are things that are actually defending her- Colin saying he wouldn't court her to those men in particular, is an act of caring. He is defending her in that scene. When a debutante is only good for being 'wed, bed, and bred' in their eyes, Colin saying no, that Penelope is worth more than that, that his connection to her isn't forged on wanting to fuck her, or exploit her, or treat her as a sexual object, is radical. Because anything else, ANYTHING else that he says that isn't an outright denial, puts Penelope in danger. He can't let them believe that the woman he cherishes so deeply he cannot even ENTERTAIN the idea of not talking to her is out here being ruined by his hands.

And when we see it that way, we see that, in reality, of all the men in the series, Colin is the one who has been kindest to his love interest. Colin is the one who has defended her, the one who has stuck his neck out for her, the one who has cared for her with absolutely no expectations of sex or romance in return.

Colin's relationship to Penelope is beautiful, and sure, she can be upset that it isn't in the exact shape she wants it to be, but I think if she takes a step back and looks at it more objectively, if WE take a step back and look at it more objectively, Colin has only ever gone into it with a big, earnest heart. Not PERFECTLY, of course, he isn't perfect, but with the best intentions, and with as much honesty as he can.

And I don't know why we don't celebrate him more for it

[euphoniumpets]

People you know | Nikolai Lantsov x Starkov! Reader

Summary: After growing up in Keramzin and revealing to be a Grisha after being tested, you got sent into the little palace for your training and got seperated from your sister and Mal. You always hated the place and would often cause trouble along with your childhood friend, Nikolai. But as the two of you grew older, you grew apart and you got sent into the Second Army to serve General Kirigan. Now, several years when you are grown up, you got to see Alina again when she's the Sun Summoner and after learning that you couldn't trust your General, you helped her to escape the little palace and you never thought enter on a ship where you meet your long lost childhood friend.

Requested? Yes by @persephonesportal: I absolutely adored your calm before the storm series! I was wondering if I could request a fluffy Nikolai x starkov!reader piece. Where reader is Alina’s older sister but instead of growing up together, they were separated after the death of their parents. Reader met Nikolai at a young age, where they viewed each other as their first love but reader was sent away. Alina and Reader meet again and everything canon wise happens. Reader ends up reuniting with Nikolai as Sturmhond on the ship.

A/N: aww, thank you! I really hope that we got to have a third season of shadow and bone so I can still continue writing for my husband lmao and i hope that they would let us see zoya and nikolai act with each other. because they robbed us in the last episode where they was in the same scene.

Warnings: slight angst.

Growing up after your parents died and then you and Alina would be sending off to Keramzin, you never thought that you would end up being tested and finding out that you were a Grisha in the first place. You didn't knew much of your parents history before you were sent into the orphange and whenever you would try to remember their faces, they were nothing more than a distant memory.

You secretly hoped that Alina and Mal would come with you to the little palace as they would call it, but the saints wasn't with you that day. You could remember how heartbroken you was while you tried to grab your sister's hand and Mal's but it was no use as they kept drifitng apart from you.

Ever since, you had been lonely in the little palace. You never consider befriending the other Grisha's since you were an outcast. However, you and Zoya befriended each other since you had always admired her with her Grisha powers. The two of you were friends through thick and thin and you were sad when she had to leave the little palace because she was going away for the second army.

Zoya was a year older than you and you knew it was soon enough for you to join her at the second army. The last couple of years, you stayed alone, mostly kept to yourself before you had arrived at the Grand Palace to serve the Lantsov family.

You met Nikolai there however, your friendship did not last when he disappeared one day. You heard that he was going overseas and you thought that he would leave a letter to you, but all he left to you was a bitter pain of abandonment.

To avoid that feeling, you left the Grand Palace and joined the Second Army. You got to meet Zoya again and you heard a certian map maker would join too.

You walked through the camp, hoping that you would find a certian duo since you knew that they would come as a pair. And to your luck, you spotted Alina and Mal talking with each other.

''Y/N!'' You heard your sister exclaim as soon she turned around and saw your blue kefta. Grinning, you didn't hesitate to run toward her and Mal before erupting them into a hug. ''Saints, you are alive,'' Alina laughed.

''Of course I am alive, you never getting rid of me that easily, sis,'' You remarked before embracing Mal. ''They never taught you manners back at the little palace, huh?'' Mal teased you, making you roll your eyes at him. ''They could never,''

''You're not a little boy anymore,'' You commented and looked at Mal. You almost forgot how long it was since you saw them last at the Keramzin and Mal had grown since then. ''I almost forgot how long it has been since we saw each other,'' You replied.

''Yes, but now that you are here, let's catch up!'' Alina grinned before looping her arms around you.

-

Never in a million ways you thought that you would survive the Fold and see the searing burst of light that came out of your sister. It was at that moment, you knew you had to protect her, knowing that dangerous people couldn't be trusted.

The other Grisha dragged Alina away from you and Mal as you demanded to see your sister back at the little palace. Mal was worried sick, but you assured him that you would be next to by her side.

The General had been kind enough to let you and Alina stay in the same room and be together again. It had been so long and you almost forgot how it felt to have her by your side again after being apart for so long.

However, after several days with her training with the General, Alina told you that he couldn't be trusted. And to yor surpise, Baghra helped you escape the little palace. And now, several days later you had survived the attack of the General in the Fold, running away to find the amplifiers.

You and Alina had gone to the library in Novyi zem while Mal was gone and tried to find some information about the Firebird. Although while Alina tried to hide that she was the sun summoner, it did not went well when the first army came running after the three of you, leading now that the people of Novyi Zem helped you to get away from them.

You all tried to figure out a way to escape from Novyi Zem and for your luck, you saw a private ship in front of you. You, Mal, and Alina was studying the ship as you hide yourself behind some barrells.

‘’Only two ships in a harbor town? Something’s not right,’’ Mal stated.

‘’Maybe Bohdan ordered them away?’’ You replied with a frown. ‘’But the first Army doesn’t have the jurisdiction here,’’ Mal told you. 

‘’Perhaps the promise of 20 million Kruge is good enough to buy our access to the docks,’’ Alina remarked and showed the newspaper of her and Kirigian to Mal. ‘’I wish he was alive just so I could punch that face again,’’ Mal spoke. ‘’Thanks to him, the whole world sees me as a traitorous villain,’’ Alina replied as you sighed and grabbed the paper before you knuckled it down and tossed it away. 

‘’Yeah, well, they’re wrong,’’ You told her. ‘’Valiant of you, but I’m sure they printed more than one,’’ Alina said to you with a smile. ‘’Eh, whatever, it wasn’t a good use to us anyway,’’ You replied with a shrug. ‘’So, what now?’’ Alina asked and looked at you and Mal. 

‘’We find the Sea Whip,’’ You spoke, and you narrowed your eyes. ‘’Hang on,’’ You told them. ‘’That ship’s not flying any flag, it’s private,’’ You replied as Alina looked at you. 

‘’Which means, it can be chartered,’’ Alina said, and you nodded with hope. ‘’Okay, come on,’’ Alina urged and grabbed her bag. You stepped up from the ground and grabbed your bag, since you sat between Alina and Mal, you saw the corner of your eyes as Mal grabbed Alina by the cheek before kissing her lips. 

''Alright, stop kissing each other's faces and let'ts go love birds,'' You responded. Mal and Alina gave each other a look before following after you.

‘’Hey, stop, we need a charter out of here immediately,’’ You spoke as Alina and Mal trailed behind. You saw one woman and one male standing in front of you with a sword behind your back. ‘’We can pay,’’ You told them as you gestured toward Mal, who handed you a golden pin. ‘’It’s gold,’’ You told her and handed the pin to the woman. 

‘’That’ll do,’’ She shrugged her shoulders and gave the pin to the man next to her. ‘’Come on then, hurry up, I’ll take you to the captain,’’ The man spoke as you nodded, glancing at Alina and Mal before following him to the ship. 

'’Thank you,’’ You replied. 

‘’You, stop!’’ A voice spoke and the three of you turned around to see Bohdan approaching you. ‘’You want to fight, Ravka? Hey?’’ The woman commented as she brought her ax from behind. ‘’That man and that woman is a deserter of the First Army,’’ He scowled and pointed toward you and Mal. 

‘’They belong to our custody,’’ 

‘’Is that so? All right then,’’ The woman told him before she turned to the ship. ‘’Ravka wants a fight!’’ She shouted as she grabbed the other ax and the people began to show their weapons. You chuckled to yourself when you saw the reaction on Bohdan. ‘’I don’t want to escalate the fight with Shu Han,’’ He responded as he saw the male and you guessed it was the woman’s brother grabs his sword from behind and approached him. ‘’We’re not with Shu, we’re independent,’’ He commented. 

‘’Maybe save your bullets for the war, old man?’’ The woman questioned him. ‘’First Army needs to know its place,’’

-

As soon you stepped into the ship while Tolya led you to their captain, your heart almost stopped when you saw the familiar face in front of you. You never thought that you would meet him again after so many years of trying to find him but stopped since you lost hope.

Nikolai had met your gaze with wide eyes and from the moment you met him, he didn't wore his uniform but as a pirate uniform and it was then you understood he escaped from the palace. You knew Nikolai and could read him easily even that you had been torn apart form each other for so long.

You couldn't help but feel the ache in your heart when he looked at you with pleading look. No matter how angry you felt toward him, for leaving you alone, you stood silent and avoided his eyes as he kept talking with Alina.

After some arguments of not letting her go to the Fjerdans, Nikolai led you to the down below deck, as you were trying to catch some sleep for the upcoming days of finding the amplifiers. However, you couldn't sleep since you couldn't stop thinking about him.

It had been so long that you saw him and he was different. He had grown up into a man since the last time you saw him.

You walked up to the ship since you couldn't sleep and stared at the sea. You noticed that someone was walking toward you and you saw Nikolai standing next to you. ''I thought you were asleep,'' You heard him speak to you.

''I thought so too,'' You responded. ''I'm sorry,'' He said and looked at you. You scoffed slightly.

''You left me,''

''I know,''

''I know that I can't repay you for what I did...'' Nikolai stated and let out a heavy sigh. ''But I still care for you,''

''If you cared, you would've stayed or at least take me with you,'' You argued and faced him. ''But you didn't,''

''And nothing could ever repay that,'' You replied before leaving him alone at the deck, ignoring the ache in your heart.

[saintobio]

I seriously need to find out what movies you watch/stuff you read in your formative years or who hurt you that you manage to string the most painful sentences possible to articulate in human language and cause this heartwrenching pain on my heart. Forget about yn girl I'M about to have a heart attack.

It's crazy. Like I'm heartbroken and I'm pissed and I'm hopeful and I'm hurt and I want justice for my girl yn. I still don't know if I want them together but I just want her happy because my god does your stuff not wreck me🥲 Your work makes us feel so many things at the same time, I'm just in awe.

I don't even mean this in a mean or rude way but I hate angst and I still stick around like a stubborn tick when it comes to all your stories because your work just is that evocative.

On a personal basis, does writing so much pain not hurt you? I hope this doesn't sound mean omfg but as a reader, consuming a story so painful can do a number on my brain chemistry. I can't imagine how it feels to come up with these scenarios, write them, edit and rewrite them and then continuing the pain?? Group hugs for you and yn. 🥹

Long story short congratulations on being such a wonderful writer SY has ruined me and I will never forget it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I will never recover😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I will still lock tf in for all your work tho🫶🏻

gaaah i can’t recommend a good angsty movie/book/manhwa right now to you bcos nothing’s coming up in my head. but i do have a preference on consuming stuff that has neglect, cheating, unrequited love, and similar themes! and i guess that shows in my writings as well :’) also a lot of my works do stem from personal experiences so there’s that!

i think i’m at a point where writing too much angst has numbed me. but then again, i still cry when i’m writing heavy emotional scenes bcos i rly do get into it 🤧 i’d even listen to the playlist too so it hurts me more. like sy!yn has been screaming for a good ending for sooo long and here i am constantly wrecking her spirit every chapter bcos i enjoy that sting in my heart. it makes me feel more human :)))

(i love angst and i am truly one with pain. i know it’s obvious but i really can’t live without it. and the funny thing is, when i feel like i’m “too happy” with my current relationship, i’d ask my bf to make me sad and upset or pretend to hurt my feelings LMAOOO that’s how crazy i am for angst. i literally crave for it, it’s insane and idk why.)

[ailendolin]

Here are my first thoughts after finally having watched the 2023 Christmas Special for the first time:

Positive:

Baby Mia is absolutely adorable and Alison and Mike are wonderful parents. They've grown and matured so much throughout the series and it's lovely to see that in the way they are with Mia and take care of her

and speaking of growth: I think it's lovely that in the end, the ghosts are ready to let Alison and Mike go. They've really come full circle from trying to get them to leave in the beginning to begging them to stay in series 5 and finally, to encouraging them to leave because that's what's best for Alison and Mike's family

I love that Alison looks like the tired, exhausted mum she is. These days, characters often look picture perfect in film and TV, no matter the situation, and Ghosts has always felt like a breath of fresh air because people are allowed to look normal. It's little things like Alison's yellow coat that she's worn throughout the show hanging by the door, her wearing Mike's flannels or having bags under her eyes that make it feel beautifully real down to Earth, and I'm glad the downsides of having a child didn't get glossed over

one of my favourite moments was the shrug Humphrey's body gave when everyone was looking for its head. That genuinely made me laugh because of course the body would not care whether the head would get exorcised or not

and omg, the exorcism scene was so well done! I love the music in the background (I so hope we'll get a soundtrack one day), the panic on Mike's face when he quite literally runs to warn Alison, the panic on Alison's face when she's faced with the possibility of losing the ghosts, the fear when she can't find them (which parallels 5x01) and finally the relief and smile when she hears their voices. That whole sequence was just perfect

I love that it's Thomas who says, "Because they just can't help being who they are," because it's not an excuse for his behaviour but an explanation - and a recurring theme for him. Right in the beginning of the show, he said, "We stay how we die," and I think for him, those words have proven to be true. He is heartbroken and he'll stay that way. He can't help that. He does not want Alison to go ("Why did I vote for this? I hate it.") but in the end he knows it's what's best for her and for himself, even if it breaks his broken heart a little more.

seeing Button House in all its glory in the end. It still being called Button House. Fanny and Humphrey's portraits on the wall (and the third one might be Kitty's?). Higham Suite (which was the thing that made me tear up because my first thought was that it's meant to honour Isabelle and I love that (although I realise it's probably meant to honour Kitty but I'm choosing to ignore that)). Thomas still complimenting Alison even though she's grown old and thus making a point that his affections for her were never just about her looks

Neutral:

I would have preferred if Alison and Mike had stayed at Button House because for me, the show has always been about family and I don't think they had to leave the ghosts behind to find their own way. BUT the way the Idiots wrote and executed it - with the ghosts encouraging them to leave, establishing that Alison and Mike regularly come back to the house and with details like Higham Suite that clearly show that Alison and Mike had the ghosts in mind when they made the contract for sale - makes it okay for me.

I'm a bit sad we did not get to see more of the ghosts interacting with baby Mia but what we saw - Pat and Cap especially - was very sweet

Negative:

the pacing. I am so sorry but I think they crammed too much into the episode. They either should have cut the exorcism storyline (as much as I loved it) or gone for a 60 minute special. There's just too much going on for 30 minutes, and too many time jumps (I wasn't a fan of them in the 2021 Christmas Special either) that sadly make the whole episode feel very rushed

and because it felt so rushed a lot of plots did not have the impact they were meant to have, at least not on me. Robin's feelings about Christmas for example.

also what was going on with Kitty and the baby at the beginning? Her being jealous is obviously not a new thing but the issue did not really get resolved, did it?

the latter also goes for Thomas's feelings for Alison which brings me to my biggest criticism of the whole show: he never got the character development he deserved (and, to an extent, neither did Fanny). The whole baby storyline would have been the perfect set up for him to move on from Alison (including discussions about different types of love and him realising that Alison does love him platonically and that that's enough) but it never happened. I feel like he was done dirty in that regard because every other character except him got to grow

I have probably missed a ton of moments - and I will rewatch the episode once I've rewatched series 5 - and likely repeated things here that others have said before. Since I had blocked all tags blocked when the Special aired I have no idea how the fandom's reaction to it was but if anyone still wants to talk about it, my asks are open.

[lunarthecorvus]

For the soc asks: 6, 22 , and 27!

6. Are there any aspects of a character or plot that you wished had been delved into more in the duology?

I wish we'd gone more into Matthias' life before his family was killed and Wylan's life with his father both before and after Marya was taken away.

Not much more, but I'd like to know a little bit more about Pim, Anika, Specht, and Rotty

22. Is there any parallels between characters or scenes you think about a lot?

I have posted about this on tumblr, but Matthias and Kazs parallels, they have so many parallels, and it's not spoken about much. I will sum it up. First, the joining a gang (druskelle) for survival, not for comradeship, and they both mention how they do not want it, and they both distance themselves from the other in their gang (Yes, I'm calling the druskelle a gang). Second, dead parents and a dead sibling. Third, their need for revenge. Hear me out. Matthias grew hateful of Grisha due to Brum feeding his anger and directing it into hate and hunting grisha was almost him getting revenge. And I don't need to explain Kaz's thing with revenge.

I just thought of another parallel. Inej and Jesper. I will be writing a post on this (when I can be bothered so probably never)

27. Was there any scene(s) that hit you harder than expected?

Now, this is gonna sound like an unusual answer, but Matthias' death. Ok, so I personally don't get that sad at characters' deaths, and I did know that he was going to die before I read it because I heard spoilers. BUT DAMN I was so fucking sad and I was extra miserable for like a week after I read it. I was so shocked by how much it hurt to read and fuck it hurt.

(I am still heartbroken because of it, but I'm in severe denial, and in my headcanons, he lives so...)

[wrengrif]

Are we ready? It's Time...

For more GOOD OMENS WILD META.

I have been chewing on this one for awhile. Like, really ruminating on it. Probably because it's so far-reaching. For me, for others. It's a matter of the Journey From The Final Fifteen.

I will openly admit it, when I first came off the Final Fifteen, sometime in August/September (yeah, I was so worried about Season 2 I didn't watch it for a month after it came out and I realized I was right to do so.). I was, and still am, heartbroken. I was angry, despairing and wondering what the point of an ending like that was. I was angry at Neil Gaiman, I was angry at all the creators behind Good Omens. I was angry at Aziraphale, first, and then after about five minutes, I was angry at Crowley too.

Note, I was never mad at David Tennant or Michael Sheen. I respected their acting choices so much in the Final Fifteen. It was beautiful. It ripped my soul out through my chest. They are both brilliant. I know everyone has their favorite GO counterparts - they are mine.

Then a funny thing happened. A few weeks passed. I started fumbling around Good Omens Tumblr again. I'd been a big contributor during Detroit: Become Human (of which I am still a HUGE FAN, god I love that game.), and until Good Omens 2 came out, I was on the side of Good Omens fandom. Reading, mostly, but at the time I was very deep into my Wangxian fixation (haaaaah, I say, like I have ever left it. My dream AU is Aziraphale and Crowley in the Sunshot Campaign, causing trouble with Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian.). That changed after Final Fifteen. Now I was hurt, I was looking for comfort. I was looking for my fellow fans.

Clearly, I found you, you gorgeous bastards (saying nothing about your moms, unless you want me to). I started to read more meta, started having my own thoughts and carefully posting them. Reading fanfiction, and ... becoming less angry. Stepping back, to really look at the story. I was swallowing content like Aziraphale swallowed ox ribs. In the midst of this, I realized this wasn't The End of Good Omens, but merely the second part of a Trilogy. I'm a writer, I know what the second part of a trilogy is. It's where your heart breaks, it's the cliffhanger episode. I stopped being mad, and started loving the craft. I started to actually look at the scenes instead of just watching.

With that, I started to realize I had been missing so much. I realized I had been wrong, about a lot of things. My perspectives, and thoughts changed. Aziraphale wasn't at fault, he was a victim of the situation as much as Crowley was. Crowley left the bookshop, but he never left Aziraphale. He waited. He's still waiting. As more time passed, the more my thoughts evolved. Changed, formed anew, and I felt better for it. I decided to be hopeful about the whole thing. Yes, it was bad now, but there were enough signs and easter eggs to say this wasn't the ending we were going to get.

I healed, in short. I forgave. I'm waiting for our next chapter, because I know this story isn't done, not by a long shot. I'm waiting to see how our heroes will cope.

Rather like, I think, Aziraphale and Crowley will. The initial pain is going to fade, the anger, the feeling of rejection (whereas they will some day realize neither one of them were in fact, rejected.). The longing is going to kick in. They're going to miss one another more than they will ever be angry. There's going to be moments of grace, of forgiveness, partnered with sadness. What I think we forget, sometimes, is that Aziraphale and Crowley are 6000 years old. They've fought before. They'll fight again. With the fullness of time though, they'll come back to one another. They'll talk again.

Right now though, they've had time. Time to hopefully process (I really, really hope Aziraphale has had SOME time to process), time let the anger fade a little. Maybe not enough time - some of us here still need time - but enough to let them wonder ... is it really over? Maybe to realize, no. No it's not.

Time doesn't heal all wounds, but time does allow you to find equilibrium. I hope time will do the same for our angel and our demon. I know time helped me. I hope time will help us all.

[sukirichi]

LOVE LETTERS: longer asks

from: shhh anon

okay so with the limited time i’ve had, i do finally have some theories and things ive realised, i also think i may have gone a little overboard so enjoy this mini novel 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

let’s start from the beginning ☝️

→ SHHH ANON OMG this was 1.6k words that’s CRAZYYY I love you for that, really <3 okay LET US DIG IN also I am so sorry this took me forever to reply to, my life is just hectic *sobs*

chapter 1)

wakatoshi being the crowned prince by king’s favor makes sense — he’s the most responsible and with the newly added info that rin isn’t the kings biological son, it’s obvious the king would have wanted to be preceded by someone of his own blood even if it wasn’t an official crowned prince. a male born to a concubine may still become an heir if there is no other option iirc.

oooh yes this!! especially because I mentioned before that ushijima is the favorite son since his mother was the one that the king really liked!

“It was all my Mother’s plan to put me on the throne, and I accepted because she promised I could make you my concubine!” this was from rin in chapter 1. the queen was so adamant about rin becoming the king that she made promises out of desperation, her son becoming king would mean she is still protected by the royal law and even if it had gotten out that rintarou isn’t the late king’s biological son, he’d already have the highest rank of authority. the queen was desperate to keep her title and i guess the benefits of being royalty? or maybe she has nowhere else to go. the more i reread, the more i realise — yuzuru and the queen aren’t as similar as i thought. they’re the same side of different coins, yes they were both cheated on and their husbands ended up impregnating other women, but yuzuru would NEVER be desperate for a royal title like the queen is, like that fuckass eyeball mfer is.

right again, shhh anon! the queen really has taken measures to ensure she’d keep her title as queen because it comes with a lot of privilege, and like that cersei lannister scene, “power is power.” and yeah!! yuzuru would never be desperate for royalty and wealth because she already grew up very privileged and has loving parents, so yuzuru pre-marriage really won the lottery in life. but here’s the thing – the queen’s background wasn’t really divulged, but I will say that she wasn’t poor or struggling like eyeball either. in a nutshell, she really is just greedy LMAO

chapter 2!

‘Princess Iris played the naive part well of concealing her feelings’ it should’ve been obvious from the start, iris never loved anyone really, she loved being loved, but to her everything was an act to keep her afloat, bro actually get me in the ring with her i need to fight this bitch atp.

“you had to choose someone with the power to tear the family apart as soon as she finds out about your affair? I would not take her wrath lightly.” i mentioned this quote in another theory, but i think the foreshadowing was just really well done. i also think it helps highlight the difference between iris and yuzu, like iris was able to make rin believe she was everything he needed to love, she played the part of the heartbroken lover well. yuzu turned her sadness into power and motivation, she knows she’s capable of more than just manipulating the men around her. iris is a performer, she spends her free time being a puppeteer. yn spends her time playing the game of chess that the queen has set up, and i fr believe she’s going to have a checkmate soon.

HELL YEAH. iris loves being loved! she grew up having none of that, and when she became princess, she felt like she was becoming the exact opposite of what she believed – someone great, someone worthy of adoration. AGSHJKA BUT NO WORRIES I CAN GET YOU IN THE RING WITH HER. OOOHHH YES LIKE that’s a really good analysis actually – iris is a performer and a great actor, but yuzuru isn’t. while iris likes to flaunt to the people of what she has to prove a point, yuzuru prefers to have her own way by working behind the scenes (much like how the queen does, she keeps things very subtle but also will not hesitate to go out with a big bang if need be. iris isn’t like that. she’s much more straightforward and not that much of a strategist, we only saw her pull out the big guns from chapter 18 when she also broadcasted that public announcement to make rin a target of the government.

“I know there are no limits to your actions if it means protecting your power and wealth.” this was said to the queen iirc, and again THE FORESHADOWINGGGG. hindsight is truly a blessing

‘Your loneliness was one of the reasons you fell madly in love with the Crown Prince.’ yuzuru uses her loneliness to bond with people, iris uses her loneliness to use people. it’s why iris and suna don’t work well. they’re both people who see loneliness as a reason to be greedy and use those around them to fulfil their emotional needs, and how will those needs be met when they have nothing emotional to give to each other? whereas yuzuomi, both use their loneliness to form a connection and proper bond. or maybe it’s just cuz they’re actually normal humans who have functioning brain cells and don’t live in “me me me” land like ipiss. (rin gets a slight pass cuz he was essentially raised to be selfish and alone as crowned prince)

yuzuru uses her loneliness to bond with people, iris uses her loneliness to use people. OMG YES. A HUNDRED PERCENT YES. iris and suna see their loneliness as something that highlights what they’re lacking in, and it makes them want to take and take, while yuzuru sees her loneliness as a space to be filled and shared with someone else. that’s why yuzuomi works so well – they see that they have spaces in their heart left to be filled, and they welcome love with open arms <3 me me me land like ipiss IM CRYING AGHSJAA

‘You were confused what to feel—disgusted that she thought she could fool you into thinking her husband would be the father when the Prince was rumored to be rarely at home, or utterly mortified with dread over the possibility her husband was not the father.’ clocked it from chapter two, iris being rin’s baby momma was foreshadowed 🗣️🗣️

YEAHHH THE FORESHADOWING IS THERE also CAN I JUST SAY I’m so happy you went back to read the first chapters and noticed all these little things because I was actually trying my best to drop hints here and there that can all be connected to the latest updates and to have someone notice those details… I’m so so happy, you have no idea😭💓

“Royal marriages either happen to form alliances [or] hide a revolting scandal” this is where iris’ family comes in, i 100% believe they used sensitive information to get iris married in. im thinking her family were the original royals in itachiyama (the broken down castle) when it was still connected to inarizaki, and the queen could’ve had to give in, as a way to stop a war from breaking out between the two countries, icepole also referred to her marriage as being “forced, to stop [their] countries from going to war”…. so there’s that, but i do also believe they used rintarou’s status as an illegitimate child as the main bribe. which i also feel like is yuzu’s motivation to publish the article, cuz wdym you’re gonna threaten my husbands peace and identity for your own selfish gain? she got me sooo fucked up. but that begs the question… what is in that article? defamation? an allegation of treason?

ICEPOLE AGAHJSK okay so here’s the thing – we all know that inarizaki and itachiyama were originally one kingdom when a faction decided to split apart and be independent. however, they all still share the same land/country in a way, and itachiyama was richer when it came to natural resources, while inarizaki was more advanced in technology and society overall. the two countries have a peace treaty that they can equally benefit from one another, but as time went on, inarizaki’s monarchs were failing in their ruling hence the economic problems that were discussed around chapter eight or so, and it’s a problem that was attempted to be solved by having iris and kiyoomi marry because the royal family felt that they needed itachiyaman representatives within the crown to show that they are all “still as one.” it worked for a little bit, and it did stop the two countries from going to war (although it was mostly inarizaki being desperate because they needed itachiyama more than itachiyama needed them), buttttt it was still complicated because itachiyama was weirded out that iris (who was supposed to be their princess, too) never visited them, and they felt like she was never really a good rep for them

“Prince Kiyoomi is not the type of man to be reckless and drag himself into scandals,” but he defo cares enough about his brothers to sacrifice his freedom in order to protect them. or maybe he got the short end of the stick and had to take one for the team cuz he’s a fancy farm boy from itachiyama💀

he got the short end of the stick, unfortunately *sobs* the king mostly keeps his conquests his conquests within his kingdom but when he saw kiyoomi’s mother… he just couldn’t help himself, and when he was born, the king thought, “wait, this boy can actually be of use.”

chapter 3.

“Would you rather me impregnate a woman purely for that reason? To father a child I was not ready to have? To bear such the burden of the Crown onto a young boy who was born not because his parents wanted to love him, but rather because I am someone who ‘had to fulfill my duty’?” unironically, that’s exactly what he did. in his mission to rid iris of her loneliness, he impregnated her with a child he was not ready to have.

“And sometimes a lowly Prince must be smart enough to turn away from matters that do not concern him, lest he wishes to be exiled from the only place that puts food in his mouth,” rintarou is going to lose it all. i think the way dtd is going to end will be something like this: rin and his mother lose their titles, or well…. rin steps down, he has growth as a person and learns that the materialistic life and more power than you could ever imagine just… isn’t worth losing your humanity over. or maybe he does it for yn, but i do think he would step down. a motivation to step down as king / crowned prince is the fact that his mother lied, and rintarou realises that after only ever being used as a chess piece for his mother, a tool for her to use to give herself an advantage - after realising he was never his own person but a doll that sat pretty, only ever being dressed up and thrown around, no aspirations for himself other than what he’s been fed to desire… he takes control of his life and gets the ultimate revenge.

EEEEE YOU PREDICTED THIS OMG – RIN AND THE QUEEN LOSING THEIR TITLES DID HAPPEN!! although I will not lie, I really wanted to try a different ending where Rin faces the queen head on and exposes himself as he steps down from the crown, to show the queen that he wasn’t going to continue being her puppet, and also to finally be honest for once to his wife – to let yuzuru know that their marriage was never a valid royal one, so technically, they’re annulled, and he’d hope she’d finally be free from him because rin knows that if he doesn’t do something, yuzuru would still remain devoted to him (even if she’d already fallen for omi.)

HUUUGEEE jump cuz chapters 4-7 already have my theories iirc

chapter 8)

“I never knew my name could sound so important without the titles attached to it.” this kinda feeds into my idea from before!! i think this is the start of rinta realising, being a normal guy isn’t so bad. he has a name beyond the crown, he is a person beyond the roles and responsibilities he’s been forced to have. i think ushiwaka will be crowned prince and eventually king. despite being traditional, i think he would probably make an exception to the royal marriage rule for omi and yn. since their situations were very unique compared to what most royal marriages were about. yn’s technically would be allowed since rintarou isn’t even royalty technically, and id assume he’d let omi out of that marriage since iris technically threatened the royal family!

OOOH I LIKE THIS THEORY but yes!! I really do want rin to realize that being a normal guy isn’t so bad, although it’s still hard for him to accept because then it really just shows how he was a nobody who ruined yuzuru’s life, and the guilt will be something he’ll carry with him forever. not to say that he thinks he’ll have more right if he was someone wealthy, but… yeah that’s really how he thought during the first parts of dtd, that’s why he always said “as the crown prince, I don’t deserve anyone lesser than her.” for ushi though, yes I do think he can make exceptions to allow omi and yn to marry if we ever go down that route – he may be traditional but he is also such a softie deep down!

“but it was always a famous royal saying that whoever was your last dance on your debutante ball was your destined lover.” red string theory!!! MY BELOVEDDDD. this is why i think yuzutarou will have a platonic ending while kiyoomi becomes the main love interest, destiny is something akin to fate, it can’t be change no matter how much you try to manipulate the situation. just like how the queen cannot change her fate, she was destined to fail and i think we could possibly see a conversation in the future about how the universe would not allow her plan to succeed? probably from keiji. i also think she’s gonna rope keiji into her scheme tbh, get him to commit a little treachery maybe? have him be a scapegoat to protect herself and give herself a fighting chance… per chance?

ooooh also I’m sorry to disappoint in this part but when I said that the queen had plans to use Keiji, I actually wasn’t going to write any scenes about that BUT it’s true that the queen planned that if ever rin doesn’t become King, and Atsumu wasn’t approved to be King by the public, then Keiji would be her puppet King since she knows he’s ‘weak’ in terms of title and power, so Keiji “might agree” to be King 🥴

anyways that’s all for now, idk if i was cooking or just regurgitating stuff you’ve basically said 😭 i just don’t think the villains in this story are iris and suna anymore. the villains were always the villainesses - the queen and iris. theyll fight against whatever odds to change their fate, theyll use and abuse whoever they need in order to stay at the top.

this is deadass so fucking long but im excusing myself cuz its got content from like five chapters LOL also sorry for the lack of jokes, i was ‘erm ackchually’ing my way through this entire thing 🤓🤓 goofy ass text analysis bruh, got me typing shit as if me and sigmund freud were psychoanalysis rivals.

→ ANYWAYS I LOVED YOUR THEORIES AND ANALYSES SO MUCH LIKE i hope you know you have a special place in my heart!! you have shown so much love and support to dtd and i am just so so soft about that. thank you again!! AGAHJSK ERHM ACTUALLY I GET THAT BUT YOU GOT THEM RIGHT SO YOU WERE SO ON POINT!!

from: @kyriaan

Bruh i imagined such dark scene 😅😅😅 im so sorry this is very dark dhdhhshahha but imagine after rin tells yn he wants a divorce she just stays there, empty expression, her ears ringing. The word divorce repeating in her head until something shatters. Yn smiles softly but its not quite right? She moves graciously to her room and gets her gun. As graciously she walks around, searching for a certain woman in her house. White noise is all yn hears and then she finds her. BAM she shoots her gun not even hesitating, hitting iris in her stomach. Another shot echoes in the walls and then a thud as iris lifeless body falls on the ground. Rin shows right after his eyes opened wide, shocked as he hesitantly looks at his wife. Scared, hes so scared and she's there smiling oh so innocently and yet so unsettling. 'see, it took care of the problem, isnt that right? Rin' yns voice is sweet, the only thing rintarou's mind can register over the ringing of his ears.

→ I’m not really reading yandere content but does this count as yan?!?! anyways omg. also because it’s a well known fact that yn knows how to use a gun and is an exceptional shooter as well AGHSJAK. I do think this would go well on a darker theme (and ngl I have debated making dtd darker but it just!! didn’t fit the vibe LMAOOO) but also I feel like if yn really did shoot iris, she’d do it during a manic episode and then not even realize what she did until it’s too late 😭

Awww now that you talked about it i remember you briefly telling me the tooru ending and thinking about it made my tiny heart sad then and sad now 🥺 its a bitter sweet ending while they end up together and basically love each others company, yn never ends up loving him 😔 But yes! Totally just write the ending you like best (even if that shatters everyone's heart 🥹) its your story after all 😌

→ THE TOORU ENDING. I remember back in 2022 when I was still getting so much ideas on how DTD would go, my heart really wanted a tooru ending but idk AGHSJA somehow along writing it, I did not really expect to fall for Omi and have him move up a notch on my faves so him or suna have the highest possible endings </3

So the evil in me is working.... while i still want iris to abort... Theres something mmmm say usually women are in danger or miscarrying in their first trimester and iris have been looking rather sick, rin also mentioned doctor telling iris to move bla bla in case she gets sick..... How fucked up would be if she i dont knowwww miscarried it? 👁️ I mean even if she survives the 1st trimester theres just so much stress in the royal life especially now that her safety net aka omi is kinda not feeling so 'safe' now mmmm

→ i actually did plan for iris to miscarry it because she would be too stressed out from being deposed but she's offscreen right now so even if she did miscarry, we would never know 😭

Well i read the full update.. I dont know who i despise more now tbh The queen or iris Probably still iris but i was not at all expecting the surpreme bitch to 1st threaten to kill Rin and second threaten to exile us and Rin and then threatening to make Tsumu above all the king like 👁️👄👁️ Welp i cried when we called for Rin while sick and when Rin rejected us.. Like i said i thought it would hurt less now that i know he loves us but ahah 🤡 I still hope iris miscarries or aborts or goes ahead and dies while miscarrying 🤷 Kinda don't get it why they're all 'i need her here as the father of the child in case she gets sick bla bla bla' when she basically admitted she never wanted to be with him at all since hes no real prince or even royalty, and since both wanted the kid gone AND with the obvious no no from the supreme bitch but wtf do i even know anymore 😭 Like why all this now? They say one thing then they do another at this point my heart and my body are too exhausted to even process reasons why 😭 So much for iris wanting to be our friend and wanting rin to move on and be with us 😒 Also i see you Omi but sorry i still foolishly stand for RinTeam

→ hate the queen more, she’s more fucked up lmao! NOOO BECAUSE PLANNING TO MAKE TSUMU KING WAS SO FOUL LIKE not only did the queen force an incestuous marriage but she really wanted a sex offender be king :skull: oh the whole “I need to be there for her because I’m her baby daddy” thing was actually NOT real at all lol, they never went to a doctor or whatever because both rin and iris plan on getting an abortion anyway. it really was just rin’s sick plan of inviting iris to their room so he can hurt us more when we return, because at that point he really didn’t want us getting close *sobs*

Until now rin always said 'it was always her never you' right? And he never really told us he loves us even tho we know (well we readers do). So imagine if he gets to the point where he just goes like 'it was never her it was always you' when he finally admits his true feelings Jfjsjkaofhak The fact this works in both an endearing good happy scene and a really angsty one, leaves me both hopeful and extremely terrified 🤣🤣🤣🤣😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

→ IT WAS NEVER HER IT WAS ALWAYS YOU AGHAJKS I NEED THIS SCENE TO HAPPEN SO BADLY and you’re so right!! whether it’s a happy ending or a sad one that line delivery would be so heartbreaking AAAAH WHY’RE YOU DOING THIS TO ME RIN

BRO THE MOMENT I SAW FORCED INCEST I HAD THIS WAR FLASHBACK OF YOU TELLING ME IRIS AND OMI WERE HALF SIBLINGS AND I IMMEDIATELY KNEW WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT DHSHGDBSJJAJJA Kinda... Made me realize that iris... Said she was lonely because her husband/HER BROTHER never touched her... 🤢🤢🤢 Like i would forgive her if they were step siblings like no blood related but half siblings.... Yeahhhhhh I was really fucking satisfied by seeing iris in deep shit but god fucking damnit bitch always has to find a way to get back up 😒 like fucking suffer bitch By the way tho since she knew about rin being a fraud doesnt that make her an accomplice 👀👀👀👀 cause he didnt know but she did sooooo if she never told anyone and 'protected' the secret BITCH YOURE GUILTY TOO! PRISON WITH HER! Now the part where rin was drunk had me wanting to spoil him full of kisses omg 😭😭😭😭 Us saying we would pick omi tho 😒😒😒😒😒 like no So the last part while im fucking jumping in happiness since we're with rin now im hating the fact we're all omi omi when in the very last chapter we admitted we still loved rin and well technically we said he still holds a big part of our heart so.. Praying omi was just infatuation since we were sad and cravingg affection 🤣🤣🤣🙏 Thank you so much for this chapter like holy shit i was in the edge of my sit the part where we shoot??? BRUHHHH SO GOOD

→ AGHJKSLAA YES ALTHOUGH I actually took out the whole half siblings thing with omi since I thought it was gonna be just sooo weird but I was like yknow what screw it!! AND YEAH LMAO that’s why omi never touched her. and yes it does make her an accomplice for keeping it a secret!! NAURRR UNFORTUNATELY OMI WAS NOT JUST AN INFATUATION LIKE. we loved him fr. but we also love rintaro (more than romantically) that we couldn’t abandon him… also thank you so much AAAA IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!

from: 🎧 anon

Owieee you had a busy week :(( but is oki now because it's done!! Speaking of my dream uni, my classes start on August 9 and to be honest, I'm scared because my schedule everyday (except Thursday and Saturday and Sunday) is from 7 am to 7 pm... Plus we still have Saturday classes and I still don't know if I officially have no class on Thursday or if it will be for something else. Yes, I still read Bonten Wives... I read it whenever I miss TokRev and watching Windbreaker made me miss them sm 😭😭 so I ended up rereading the manga again 🤧🤧 and I'm falling for Mitsuya and Rindou all over again 😭😭😭😭 AND YES!! JO IS DEFINITELY NOT A MANWHORE LIKE AIKU AJSHAHSHAHHA SUKI! From the moment I first saw Jo on screen, I knew, that I have fallen HAGSHAGSHAHAHA so here are my rambles This is quite common for genres like TokRev and Windbreaker but sometimes, I like to think on how I wanna patch up their wounds when they run to you. I imagine, Jo would act all smug at first before admitting that he's hurt 🥹🥹 I want a Jo Togame in my life 🤧🤧🤧🤧 Someone to snuggle and cuddle to and all that OKAY BUT HEAR ME OUT! Imagine if the Yn that Jo is dating is like someone's little sister in Bofurin!!!! *sigh* can I not be a college student and just get transported in Windbreaker AHGSHAGSHAGSHA ALSO! Can't wait for later's update in DTD!!! Love ya lots!

→ OMG NGLL I DON’T THINK MY BUSY WEEKS ARE ENDING AGSHJK I have classes that are like 8-10 hours a day (sometimes less, sometimes more LOL) and I also go out like everyday so *screeches* also no way omg?! 12 hour classes?! weekend classes too? honestly I would cry but my class schedules were also like that for a while SOOOO BRACE YOURSELF BABE!!

and aww you still read bonten wives, that’s so cute! I actually miss tokrev so much too, like remember when it was so popular in 2021 and we just had so much content of it? like the dance trends, the filo memes, the timeskip content and everyone was just soooo hyped, ugh I miss that time. also!! rereading the manga after windbreaker is so real! when I got into WB I was actually missing tokrev so much but also I love how WB is still its own thing, and I’m just as in love with the characters as I did with tokrev! (okay, that’s a lie because I may or may not be a little more insane when it comes to the windbreaker boys. like. HAVE YOU SEEN SUO.) ALSO MITSUYA AND RINDOU – THE CANONICALLY BEST BOYFRIENDS <3 OH NO YEAH LIKE I DO FEEL LIKE TOGAME MIGHT GIVE OFF MANWHORE VIBES LIKE AIKU AT FIRST BUT?? idk, but I’ll forever die on the hill that togame is a soft loverboy!! aiku though… honestly I wouldn’t mind if he cheats on me because at least I’m still on his roster LMAO /lh

EEEE PATCHING UP JO’S WOUNDS?!! HIS BLOODY KNUCKLESS!! I think he’d be so soft and gentle while he just sits back and lets us do everything :< but yeah he’s going to play it off for sure and be like, “nah, this is nothing” but as soon as you’re not looking, he’s wincing from the pain AHSJKA. no omG I THINK ABOUT THAT ON THE DAILY TOO LIKE? TOGAME JO IS ACTUALLY MY IDEAL BOYFRIEND IN LIFE but where can I find a man like him?!?! ALSOOOO??????? SOMEONE’S LITTLE SISTER???? OOOH WHY DO I FEEL LIKE IT’D BE GOOD IF WE WERE UME’S LITTLE SISTER?!!?

awww love you lots too headphones anon, I hope you’re doing well in uni!!

[chickenskins101]

mike wheeler

okay so with all these set photos coming out and these arguments between byler, and mileven, i think it’s time we start focusing on MIKE WHEELER.

people think that he is some b!tchy dude who is mean to his friends but people always forget that he has trauma too. but see, his trauma isn’t exactly from the upsidedown itself like wills, els or max. his comes from everyday struggles and i am here to speak my truth about that.

let’s not forget how heartbroken that kid was when his BEST friend will disappeared. I mean we’ve all seen that one scene where dustin and lucas are arguing and he’s in the middle look so depressed. for a whole week, he’s looking for will. this guy tried to 💀 himself. yeah yeah he did it for dustin, and im sure that’s part of it but for his teeth? they were baby teeth too. but he lost el, had a big fight with lucas, his best friend is still missing, and is living on one ounce of hope that will is alive after seeing his “dead” body dragged out of the water.

he grows a connection with el, then loses el. on the positive side, he did get his best friend back, but that doesn’t change the trauma we went through. but how can he express that trauma? i mean, his best friend is suffering from bullying and the side effects of coming back to life all year. how pathetic would it look to him if he started going, “when you went missing, i went through hell.” not to mention he couldn’t talk abt that to his mom or sister because barb didn’t come back. nancy has to deal with losing her best friend. at least mike got his back. that’s all that is going through his mind.

when el comes back, he can’t talk about the depression he went through after knowing what it felt like to lose will, and then to lose el for a whole year. she’s got all this trauma from the upsidedown and the lab. once again, he would look stupid if he started talking about his depression.

then his best friend and girlfriend move away to the other side of the country. cleary that destroyed him. i mean he prob thought that he would have will and el his whole life. will, who he has known for like what a decadeish? is gone. can he mourn, be sad, tell his friends that his two favourite people gone is killing jim from the inside? no! and why? because max just watched her step brother die. (i’m not a big fan of that arc cause he was literally so abusive). anyways max is going through it, thinking about what she could’ve done, isolating herself from lucas and the party. he once again probably would feel selfish if he were to mention that in front of his friends.

eddie was his friend too. cleary, he looked up to him in some shape or form. but he knows that dustin was closer AND had to watch him die. mike, wasn’t there for yet. he’s probably going through it too, knowing that someone he cared for is gone. does he even know that eddies dead yet? (pre s5 time skip). but dustin had to watch him die so it feels like him mourning would be more pathetic cause at least he wasn’t there. he can’t be as sad as everyone else when max his in the hospital bc he isn’t close enough like everyone else. that’s one of his best friends girlfriend, he has if way worse.

people forget that will and el weren’t the only ones bullied!! (dustin and lucas are also forgotten, that’s a post for later!). he was bullied his whole life too. he almost died because he was bullied. bullying, especially at a young age will affect you. i’m not excusing any of his fights he’s had with el or will, but apart of trauma and not getting help for it, means you are going to act as what you hate the most.

even the unrelated upsidedown stuff makes him look pathetic. his dad is there physically, but not emotionally. that would put a toll on anyone, having a dad that is never trying to bond or connect with you. but can he say anything about that? wills dad abuses him, dustin doesn’t have one and max had hers replaced with an abusive stepfather.

his whole life, he felt like his trauma want important enough because everyone has it worse than him. i am not shaming any other characters for their trauma, their traumas are just as important. what im trying to prove is that he isn’t some butthole teenager. he is a teenager who feels alone and keeps his feelings hidden until they explode.

plus, if you are a byler fan or a queer mike truther, you can add on to the fact that he probably hates himself for being some different weird losers who wants to be with his best friend, a man. that probably breaks all rules he grew up with.

add all these things tgt, and you get a very emotionally drained teenager who needs help.

(all the kids need therapy, srsly, why is max the only one in therapy. each kid has gone through sm, im not dissing them or ignoring their trauma, everyone’s trauma is equally important and ill make another post about each character in the future).

i really hope they talk about his trauma and depression, this dude has gone through and yet feels like it’s not important enough.

[a-reader-and-a-writer]

What's your fav Joel Kinnaman character? Mine is probs holder tbh

(I'm trying to find more stuff with him to watch, I nearly almost might just watch holder scene packs on YouTube lol) I watched a little bit of that Netflix thing, I can't mind the name of the show, he was called kovacs in it and people kept changing bodies, but I didn't like it so I never finished it, I feel like there's not enough things with him in it

I always say there are the big three when it comes to Kinnaman characters: Rick Flag, Takeshi Kovacs, and Stephen Holder.

I tolerate Rick in 2016's Suicide Squad (and he does have moments I actually really love), but my obsession for Rick comes solely from 2021's The Suicide Squad. He was what sparked my Joel love and I love every moment with him in that film (yes, even that part because I am a gluten for pain).

I can see why Altered Carbon (the Netflix show with him as Takeshi Kovacs) isn't everyone's cup of tea but I LOVE IT!!! And his character is so layered and complex and hits all the character traits I love. Plus, he is GORGEOUS in it! And he can effortlessly switch between being an angry kickass asshole to a tender, heartbroken soul in seconds.

And as you said, Stephen Holder from The Killing is such a great and complex character! He's so pathetic and sad and I just constantly want to give him a hug! And it's insane looking at him and remembering he is the same Joel that plays Tak or Rick because Joel was SO skinny back then! But I love it so much!!!

A few honorable mentions you might want to try seeking out if you are looking for more Joel content:

Ed Baldwin in "For All Mankind" (a show on Apple+). Ed is a very close 4th place Joel character for me and each season his character gets a decade older so it is fun to watch him play all these different ages (including the current season when he is in his 70s)

Pete Koslow in "The Informer" (movie). The movie itself is very dark but good. However, Joel's performance is the highlight (and it is probably the thickest he's been)

Erik Heller in "Hanna" (a show on Amazon Prime). I'll be honest, I still haven't finished the first season but I've seen all the gifs and clips and he does a really good job here.

Brian Godlock in "Silent Night" (movie released in some parts of the world last week). This revenge action movie has absolutely no dialogue but Joel is AMAZING at conveying all the emotions needed for his role and he kind of gives me older Holder vibes throughout.

[utterlyhooked]

I had to sleep on it and I have calmed down a bit. Till The End Of The Moon hooked me from the very first episode which is very rare. Even my favourites took a while, The Untamed took 21 episodes for me to get really into it. Love Between Fairy and Devil took around 18-20 episode mark for me to care. I really loved them afterwards!

You are probably wondering, what does the GIF above have to do with what I have to say. Well, it’s simply there to remind me why I love this drama because I still do but I am heartbroken about how the ending was handled. My thoughts are everywhere, so, I’m sorry if it’s incoherent.

The takeaway from this drama is tribulation, one after the other. Just suffering, suffering, more suffering, and martyring yourself to an ungratelful populace in every realm and only acknowledged by a handful. Yes, a handful, or maybe the Yiyue Tribe would add to that number but, we don’t know because Nian Baiyu was just flung into the Barren Abyss never to be heard from again. *sigh* Apologies, I’m being bitter. Li Susu probably told everyone and got the sects in line.

If they were going for a sad ending, then what was that?! If an open ending, again, what was that?! And then a happy ending audio was thrown in to the mix! The indecisiveness was breathtaking, it simply makes you seethe! Pick one, commit to it and do it well! They were trying to please everyone and utterly missing the target.

Those who love this kind of Xianxia with very dark themes (for cdramas, I think this is dark) mostly are not averse to sad endings. Sometimes it’s even expected. Great sad endings leaves you sobbing, heartbroken, and melancholic. That’s the beauty of it, it makes it memorable! If it’s a happy ending, fantastic! Everyone loves a happy ending. Great open endings make you think, not angry!!! however, I find that open endings are generally just ok (with exceptions), but thats ok too! The tragic thing about all this is the source material already had a sad ending, if a sad ending was what they were aiming for, and the epilogue of the novel provided a happy ending, if a happy ending was what they intended to do! They did not even have to think of an alternative because it was already there! And yet... *sighs*

Some mutuals decided to end watching at episode 35. They are happy that they did it and I am happy for them. But if I was to recommend this cdrama, I can’t really say that they should end at that episode because subsequent episodes brought us

Shifu and Cang Jiumin scenes which was beautiful, I was sobbing.

Li Susu thinking that TTJ was dead and was trying her hardest to fight and kill her awful bio dad and failing miserably

TTJ saving her and killing Di Mian, extremely satisfying!!!

The relief in her face seeing him alive only to realize that he had the intention of becoming the Devil God. The scream alone is worth watching!

When he took out the soul extinguishing spikes from his heart to convince her that he indeed has become the Devil God. The sorrow in her eyes.

I’m sure theres a bit more

and of course, the later part of episode 39... the Ye mansion scene. The sadness and longing. Somehow missing each other so much while they are in each others arms. So bittersweet.

Having read the novel, I knew from the few chapters in that they have deviated from it so much. I thought, ok, at least we are getting 2 stories out of it. Its just that precious screentime was used on characters that I thought was irrelevant to the overall story. Mo Nv could have been taken out completely and it would not have mattered to the story at all. They could still made Gonye Jiwu a jealous, vindictive, and bitter (ex) without her. Li Susu and Tantai Jin meeting with Ye Qingyu in JIng Kingdom was cut out instead. I saw some stills, so they did film it. It would have been better story showing on how the emperor can be the same emperor for the last 500 years.

I still have a lot in my mind but this is getting too long. Anyway, I now have 2 new favourite actors, so there is that.

[dranna]

Longing

AO3 / Commissions / Links /

Warnings: hurt, no comfort, emotional hurt, heartbreak

Summary: Heartbroken, longing, sad, confused, Crowley contemplating their relationship and what happened after Aziraphale left for heaven

Tags my beloveds: @giosnape (let me know if you would like to be tagged)

a/n: Inspired by : “We loved with a love that was more than love” - Edgar Allan Poe / Annabel-Lee

“We loved with a love that was more than love”

Or at least I thought we did,

No, you didn’t or am I wrong?

I was fooled by our dance?

As we slowly waltzed around,

Never getting too close to the Sun.

‘Crowley, You are going too fast for me!’

You said once,

A couple of years ago,

When Queen roamed with my thoughts

To End it all.

Was I rushing in our endless fantasy,

Or else have I sinned again?

That quiet and fragile existence we painted,

Was it all only in my head but not in your heart,

That Fresko of us I thought you loved.

I miss you, Aziraphale still.

No. I know I did and still do,

Yearning for the safety you bring,

Those calm evenings at the Ritz,

Your little hums and giddy remarks,

As you order your next sweet course.

Oh how much I miss you Aziraphale still!

First you refused,

But over time you started calling me a Friend,

Then it became something more on your lips.

I sneaked into your life,

And you broke into my mind.

Day by day I’m sinking deeper into this tormenting dream,

Replaying that scene,

When our lips met with an abrupt halt,

And you made it clear that I’m not enough.

It’s too late now. It always is.

I wasn’t enough as an Angel creating the Stars,

And I wasn’t ample as a Demon by your side.

I’ve been wondering if it really happened,

Or my cruel mind playing tricks.

Did our lips really collide,

After you refused my Being this time.

‘I forgive you.’

You spat those words of venom into my face,

After I laid the map of my heart,

Sparkling in your Holy Light.

There I stood naked,

Maybe the first time after my Fall,

And you poisoned me,

Tossed away my Whole.

And yet I can’t deny,

I miss you Aziraphale still.

And yet,

I would gladly choose this saccharine death,

As an internal visit in Hell,

So I can speak and see you again.

Do you think I never dreamed before?

Even though I’ve been dreaming nonstop since our Fall.

Feeling you again, skin on skin,

Hearing your voice and relaxing.

Sometimes I wake up from a week-long nap,

Wondering if any of this happened,

If you left or if we kissed or even if our existence still jointly exists.

Then Memories ran me over,

Torturing me until I’m a motionless pity.

I miss you, Aziraphale still.

[paperglader]

Thoughts on C3EP77 of CR (I hyperfixate on imodna constantly, but I swear that I talk about the rest of the characters as well)

Delilah fucking briarwood. It has not gone past me that we got to have this great laudna moment on the same ep where they announced the book. WHICH I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED ABOUT.

Imodna will never not be iconic in the middle of a fight. That one moment when laudna was being cornered by the ghosts, and she kept going back and forth between acting like Delilah and pleading for them to understand that she wasn’t the one they were after, to finally Imogen killing two of them, and as they vanished, her gaze was finally visible to laudna as the cloud of smoke dissipated and she told her that it would be alright, only for laudna to lash out once again and unleash her attacks on the rest of them. Chef’s kiss. What a scene.

Imogen calling Delilah Briarwood a bitch will never get old.

Laudna making Imogen promise her to move on and be happy if she died- I can’t. My sweet farm girl was so heartbroken the entire episode. THERE WAS ONE MOMENT TOO, when orym was talking about missing Will every day, and how he would want him to live and be happy, and Imogen was just like 😣. She needs a hug. Someone has to give her a hug

FEARNE FINALLY KNOWS ABOUT IMODNA. The moment that laudna said “she makes me so happy!” I literally fell to my knees.

Fearne’s soft little “you are??” After Orym said that he was so glad that she was there with them broke me into a million pieces. Ashley Johnson you’re an ✨actress✨

Laura deciding to end imodna, not because of the moon, not because of the gods, or Delilah briarwood, but because marisha made a bad vex impression. I respect it.

Imogen still has her yellow scarf. This is very important to me.

Imogen praying for laudna to be alright- Destroyed, heart broken, I’ll never recover + Laura and marisha’s little smiles after the scene, when Laura was wiping off her tears😭 + THE FUCKING RAVEN QUEEN. She better scram the fuck away from the girls, cause I’m not ready for vaxleth 2.0. I’m just like imogen, I refuse.

CALLOWMOORE AT THE CLOCK TOWER. I was giggling, kicking my feet - then by the end of it I was like wtf taliesin, what are you cooking? And then fearne ran away 😭

Terrified of the amount of potions being distributed for the next episode… also, excited.

Ashton. It’s just so funny because Imogen was so hesitant about it all the entire way, but she had the circlet. She wasn’t inside Ashton’s head so he got away with it. Marisha’s innocent “what is happening?” To then being explained Ashton’s plan and saying “you’re gonna die” so incredulous, so sad, and everyone’s face after she said that. My heart started speeding up. Just what the actual fuck. The way he treated fearne… I will not be ok with him for a while because of that. He almost killed himself, he almost killed them all. They just burned a bunch of spells and potions and they’re going to the moon… honestly, I don’t think I’ve been this stressed since laudna’s resurrection

It’s just so… Ashton advocating for down time, so that they could remind themselves that they loved each other before anyone did anything stupid… I EXPECTED SOMETHING BUT I DID NOT EXPECT THIS

Just… Fearne… I understand being an asshole, but I do not understand being an asshole to Fearne. The way that he used their friendship to make her do his bidding, straight up awful.

[rocketturtle4]

Not Me eps 8 and 9: I. AM. SCREAMING.

@plantsarepeopletoo @anon451 @shouldiusemyname @thegalwhorants @wen-kexing-apologist @slayerkitty @fanfictionroxs @pandasmagorica

Part 1, Part 2

IT WAS TODD, I KNEW IT!!

and Sean and White got together and Yok and Dan got together and we have two sad ex-girlfriends(ish) and Gram looking on in longing and BLACK WOKE UP and they're all being followed cause Todd knows way more about them now and and and

[Image of Ashi lying on the couch zoned out with the caption: Roc.exe has crashed, please try again later]

(Also yes another update already, it's crazy! Though we're trying to book out a time to watch the last 3 together so that may take a while...or may be this weekend *crosses fingers hopefully* though that may shift watching Only Friends and other Sunday shows to like...Monday or later ahhhh)

Also I did not do a between 8 and 9 update but I totally guessed Dan was the officer who shot Seans dad.

GMMTV does such good foreshadowing and pay off I feel so satisfied and excited by every reveal.

Alright now lets walk through in briefish how amazing these two eps were...

[3 images of Sean and White, one with Sean saying: I'm lucky I met you]

Oh. My. God.

OffGun

SeanWhite

I Love Them.

Every moment of emotional connection, this scene in the bedroom, Sean tracing his body with his fingers the next morning (WHY DID HE TIE HIM UP??)

The rooftop

The trust falls

The KISSES

[Sean saying: I've never known you better than this before]

THIS Moment in the tent?

and then there casual intimacy the next day???

Ugh I am dying and I love it here

(I'm so scared for him to find out, I mean White totally hinted at it but it's going to be a MESS)

And Yok/Dan??

[Images of Yok/Dan from episodes 8 and 9 of not me covering their time in Dan's house being painted, to Yok visiting Dan at work and Dan showing him his first ever artwork and finally to Dan visiting Yok's mother's house and Dan commiting to supporting Yok as best he can]

OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM EVEN MORE

also Wow Gawin!?! I'm glad he got that lead eventually he is phenominal in this. Everyone bringing their absolute A game!

Also Plot! There was plot, Lots of Plot!

We have two heartbroken girls that I really hope we spend more time on cause they have been amazing characters so far. Namo took finding out about Sean and White so well and then she was so sad ugh.

and then Eugene also struggling with her dance routine because she's confused/heartbroken about Black

I'm so curious how that Black/Eugene/Gram triangle may play out now that Black's awake, I mean he still broke up with Eugene because he wanted her safe, and now he's nearly died I doubt that will change...

I have more thoughts on Black but lets back track to Plot again for a minute

Sean and Tawi face off in the bathroom happened

[Tawi telling Sean: Your dad sold drugs and I had nothing to do with him]

Oh and Todd was trying to get back on track with figuring out what the gang is up too in episode 8

[Todd sitting on Black's bed saying: I brought a lot. Aren't you gonna eat first?]

Plus at the end of Ep 9 everyone was being followed...Oh and Sean is now spying on Tawi? Although not a whole lot of actual spying seemed to be happening...

Now I know that Tawi is also big coorporation here but I now have no idea how much of all this is just Todd or is Todd working for/with Tawi? That seems like the most likely scenario but I don't know for sure.

How much was Tawi actually involved in the drug trafficking that Seans father was involved in?

And when/how will Sean find out that officer Dan is the one who shot him? I can already picture the explosion.

And as much as I want (so very desperately) to watch the next episodes. I am also kind of grateful that I have to stop. Because this is SUCH A GOOD POINT to sit and imagine at.

How will Black and White be revealed to their friends? To Sean? To Euguene to everyone. What about Black and Whites parents? Are they going to come back into the story?

(OMG Black's mum, who White is 100% going to meet in his place next ep, will he meet her as White? Or pretend to be Black??)

Also Black's gotta feel betrayed about Todd too. Oh and Paprika's point about Black and White being thought and action, will we get to see them come together now, despite how much Black want's White to stay out of it? Is White going to meet the friends AS WHITE?? (I am dying to have Sean see him all put together with his glasses on). The emotional pay off that I can feel coming is so good, are they going to be shocked and betrayed? are they going to finally understand? I honestly have no idea and I want to know SO MUCH.

But I also just want to sit in this anticipation a little bit longer and let my imagination run wild. Looking forward to it all coming together

Looking forward to the plot too lol!

See you next time, chances are my next installment will be my immediate post finale freakout...or I could takes notes as I go maybe, does anyone want my live reactions, posted non-live?

[Image of First saying: Are you sure?]

P.S. just had a thought as I was adding tags...The gang's gonna think White's a mole aren't they? He's been in contact with Todd, He's the reason they're getting followed. OH NO, they're going to think he's with others.

I WILL Cry. Watchbuddies be warned

[watchinglikeafangirl]

So, I watched XO, Kitty because why not? I liked "To all the boys I've loved before" and since Kitty and Dae met very briefly but stared at each other so intensely, I was curious how this spin-off is going to turn out. I would rate this an 8/10, it is bubbly and it is entertaining.

Kitty herself is more dramatic than any kdrama, I laughed a lot at what she did but I also rooted for her. She is an interesting character or I should say, the writing is interesting because she is such a drama queen but she stands up for herself. She doesn't cry easily and she confronts people until she knows or until she reached some closure. She is brave when it comes to her emotions and she doesn't look away from her feelings.

The set-up is...well it exists. It's not the best idea but it's fine. It doesn't take long until she is in Korea and the story starts, so I can excuse the lame beginning since it was quick. I am very impressed with the way Kitty reacts when she finds out Dae "cheated on her". Of course, she is heartbroken, shocked, disappointed and angry. She storms off but then she walks back in to confront Dae. I truly admire her for that, I was sitting here like "you go girl! Don't let him mess with you."

But since I rate this an 8/10, there has to be something that bothers me...and yes there was. The story is off and it is so off-putting in a few moments, I am still confused. I don't even know if it's the pacing or the writing but Kitty goes through many things off camera. She discovers she has a half-brother she didn't know about since he was adopted by Australian parents. This is some big news I would say and I believe some people would even be mad at their mom for never telling - even if she is dead. At least a short moment, just a second of utter shock and denial...but we never get any of it. She's just like "oh, I have a secret brother...unexpected but okay" and then continues to randomly find out who he is without even having proof. I am thankful for Q telling her exactly that lmao. This whole bother-thing starts silly, then it's not her brother but Yuri's (Dae's "girlfriend") and things get interesting from there. Because Kitty went to Korea because of her mom, because she wanted to have something from her mom's youth, but she got lost midway and the intentions of her visit started to blurr between "because of mom" and "because of a boy". So this whole Alex thing showed us all why Kitty is there and it brings her close to the past of her mom. Yuri and she are connected through their mothers and there is a very nice and wholesome scene when they all - meaning Yuri, her mom, Alex and prof Lee - figure it out and just talk about it. XO, Kitty definetly had some wholesome moments throughout the mess it sometimes was.

The plot surrounding Kitty's feelings for Yuri is very intriguing. Dae and Yuri were in a fake relationship because Yuri is gay. Kitty went to Korea and thought her boyfriend Dae was cheating on her. Then Yuri and Dae "break up" and Kitty can finally be with him but she's not happy. And then she discovers her feelings for Yuri and I find this triangle funny. I like how natural the show portrays this shift. Suddenly Yuri is there much more often than before, suddenly we see more and more of her life, suddenly the attention of the camera is on her BECAUSE Kitty pays so much attention. She sees the hard feelings and the lovely girl underneath. We suddenly see Yuri in a softer light which is why their fight on stage is painful. They don't look at each other, they can't because of the choreo and it feels so cold compared to the scenes we saw before when they were together.

Believe it or not, I like the break-up scene. I like how they handled Kitty's feelings. Since Dae is very sad and kind of angry, he wants to know why Kitty is breaking up, whom she has feelings for. He doesn't quite believe that it's Yuri but thankfully their break-up doesn't really focus on that. It's just Dae being hurt because his grilfriend Kitty is in love with somebody else (whoever that is). And he doesn't take her "it's so confusing" as an apology or whatever since she still hurt him, no matter if she is discovering her sexuality or not. The writers distiguish between the relationship and sexuality which I find interesting because yes, it's no apology and it doesn't make his heart break less but it's still heartbreaking for both parties.

And please, to all the people saying she should have chosen Minho: no she shouldn't have. I think she and Minho have great chemistry but we have seen too few of these two to actually know if they would work as a couple. So far, Minho is just a great character one just has to love. He cares so much and he's so soft. I just want to hug him and tell him he's not alone because oh, my boy is such a loner. Minho is honestly the best character but I kind of think not the best for Kitty. Kitty is too messy, it's too much drama for him.

But it's probably about him if this show ever gets a second season. It started with him at the airport in slow motion while "hot" was playing (so iconic) and it ends with him sitting next to her on the plane home. Will it be like "she went off with Minho and came back with him" because I kind of would love that too. But what about her feelings for Yuri? Because I think Yuri has some for Kitty as well...oh what a mess