#i bought this program for animation and never bothered to learn it

[featheryfallenangel]

[theuplandsoul]

First Blood in the UP

"I think that everyone remembers their first hunting trip, but I might remember mine a bit better than most. That’s not because I got my bag and tag limits – it’s because I was almost thirty.

I was blessed to have been born and raised on the Keweenaw Peninsula – a heavily-wooded and thinly-populated finger of land projecting from Michigan’s Upper Peninsula into Lake Superior. I’ve never lived anywhere else but, in my travels, I’ve heard that this is one of the best places in the country for a sportsman.

Growing up, my family spent a lot of time outdoors – hiking, snowshoeing, canoeing, kayaking, camping, fishing – but not hunting. When I was young, my father was a meat cutter and even had a cottage industry preparing meat from the deer that hunters brought in, but we never hunted.

In high school, the only sport that I lettered in was marksmanship offered through the JROTC program. Then, when I was in my twenties, I bought a handgun for home defense and went through the process of getting a concealed pistol license. Training with my pistol reminded me how much I enjoyed shooting, and it finally occurred to me to take it outside. I just needed to take a hunters’ safety course to get my hunting license for the first time.

I got a lot of questions being twice the age of the next oldest student in the hunter’s safety course at a nearby sportsman’s club but I learned a lot in the course. And I had something that a lot of the other students didn’t have: a place to hunt.

My in-laws live on a cattle farm a few miles out of town and deer, geese, and rabbits can all be nuisance animals to them. While none of them hunted, they were all too eager to let me harvest these pests from their acreage. My father-in-law drove me around the land in their farm truck telling me where the fences were, which fields the cows would be in, and where I was likely to find my query for the day: geese. And rabbits, if I came across any. In the Western Upper Peninsula, a number of species of geese are classified as migratory birds and have intermittent hunting seasons. Rabbits, meanwhile, have a long season and a large bag limit. We’re known for our deer seasons, but these alternatives fit my needs in several ways: they would give me an opportunity to get out before deer season started, they would give me an opportunity to practice with smaller animals, and I knew that these (as well as deer) lived on the in-laws’ farm. My hunting jacket was ancient and a few sizes big for me, but I had considered it a winning garage-sale find as I filled the pockets with 20-gauge game shells. I took the channel lock out of my new pump action, put the case back in my father-in-law’s truck, and began stalking through the back 40.

I knew where I was going – many a time my wife and I had driven to the farmhouse passing geese by the dozen in a field that I knew was just through this line of trees. As I passed through those trees, I was startled by the movement of not geese but a sizeable whitetail rabbit. I didn’t bother raising my barrel. Knowing that I wasn’t yet to where I expected to find the geese, I hadn’t bothered to load my shotgun. The rabbit stopped to take me in from a few yards away. Part of me wanted to draw on the rabbit with my pistol, but the math on whether I could hit the rabbit from that distance with a .38 Special (and what might be left of the rabbit if I did) just didn’t check out. The rabbit ran deeper into the woods as I sighed and dug in my oversized pockets to feed three shells into my shotgun." Read more on The Upland Soul.

[obeiii-mee]

Could I request the brothers (and maybe Diavolo, if you're comfortable) reacting to a knightly/chivalrous m/c, please?

———————————————————

I haven’t written Diavolo in a hot minute, I’m glad he’s being requested again. I’m guessing you mean an MC with the attributes of a knight? The same sort of mannerisms and traits and not an actual knight! MC? Lemme know if I did this ask wrong because I was low key confused lmao.

———————————————————

The Brothers + Diavolo with a knightly/chivalrous MC:

Lucifer:

-He really didn’t like you upon first meeting

-He hated how he couldn’t intimidate you into not being a nuisance the way he could with most of his brothers

-But, to be honest, you had gained his respect rather early on

-I think, even though it may have annoyed him to no end, Lucifer was very fond of your bravery a lot of the times

-The way you would stand up for Mammon or that time you protected Beel and Luke from his outburst

-Courage is not a trait one would usually associate with humans, especially when more superior beings like demons are involved

-Your humility was also a characteristic of yours that he, surprisingly, was really fond of

-And your overall mercifulness was something to be congratulated as well

-I mean, him and his brothers put you through so much shit and for you to forgive and move on without an angry word at any of them kinda speaks on its own

-I think he understands, to an extent, the reason you’re so loyal to the people you care about too

-He has a certain devotion for Lord Diavolo and his brothers, more than he lets on

-To him, having someone like you around is something to be appreciated

-Because you are similar but also completely different and nothing like he deemed you to be at the beginning

-yo i think you remind him of himself back when he was angel tbh

-He’s sort of tired of saving your ass tho because you are very just, so you feel the need to help people all the time which leads to you getting involved in fights

-Bring him his 20th cup of coffee for the day please, it’s hard being a single father of 8 children (yes I’ve added Lord Diavolo he counts as one of the kids)

-He’s the definition of this incorrect quote I stumbled across a while back

- MC: “FIGHT ME RIGHT NOW!”

-Lucifer, from behind them “ Do not.”

Mammon:

-Ok so this random human comes to DevilDom and has the audacity to slap his hand away while he’s trying to steal from Diavolo’s castle????????

-“MC ya’re forgetting I’m a demon, my moral scale is wayyy different than yours-“

-“Put it back.”

-“......ok.”

-You’re coming at him with rightfulness and honor and your presence is gonna hit him like a truck

-Cuz he ain’t stealing anything when you’re around (lucifer uses this to his advantage ofc.)

-That was basically the only thing he disliked about you

-Other than that, after your first week in DevilDom, he thinks you’re a goddamn S A I N T

-Everytime you stand up for him when his brothers are being assholes-pls he melts into a puddle of goo from your perfection

-OOFFS AND ALL THOSE TIMES YOU GAVE HIM GIFTS BECAUSE GENEROSITY BBY

-Good thing he was wearing sunglasses, because holy fuck was he weeping under those Gucci shades

-He’s gonna give ya props for having the courage to stand up to him and his brothers

-Lucifer especially because big bro scary

-Think about it like this: literally every single one of them could have you seasoned and roasted for lunch, love

-And yet you still have the bravery to look them in the eye and tell them: “Ya’ll are dysfunctional as fuck and need family therapy.”

-Again, he doesn’t understand your morale, he’s the Avatar of Greed, if he sees something he likes or seems worthy of his presence, he takes it

-But with that look you’re giving him, he honestly feels so guilty he can’t help but put it back

-He also appreciates your patience with him when it comes to anything that involves him talking about his emotions and thought process

-Because at this point he is widely known as scum so-

-Ahhhh, in the end, he thinks you’re pretty badass for a human and would low key want to see you in an armour of sorts agajwhisebhwjwwhehgdhdh

-And he really likes it when you make the effort to open doors for him too but he’ll never have the nerve to admit it

Levi:

-Believe it or not, he warms up to you in less than a day...?

-It’s probably because he’s a navy commander and he’s used to having soldiers around and you sort of remind him of that

-Out of everyone, he reacts the least when he sees how you carry yourself because to him it’s second nature

-Even if he does tend to slouch most of the time

-Almost dropped to his knees and started worshiping you when you yelled at Mammon to give Levi his money back on your first day

-And then a friendship started to blossom (im not friendzoning y’all, relax)

-Levi has a tendency to just walk into your room with his laptop, point at the screen which is paused in the middle of an anime and go “Look, the protagonist is a knight. You’re also...really knightly. I like the protagonist. I, uh I like you too, I guess.”

-He loves how honest you are because he knows that no matter what you wouldn’t lie to him

-“MC, do you think I’m a yucky otaku?”

-“No.”

-“But-“

-“No.”

-“Oh ok.”

-But on the inside he’s like 🥰🥰💞💞💞💞

-I just think that a knightly MC would connect on an emotional level with Levi for a lot of reasons, idk

-He’s gonna be a sputtering mess when he realises how much effort you put into this relationship (platonic or romantic) and how loyal you are to it

-Like how you actually bother learning all of his stupid passwords because you are just as serious about them as he is

-He just crashed, give him a moment to reboot please

Satan:

-He takes a while to warm up to you because for some reason your overall demeanour reminded him of Lucifer lol

-He thought you might be just as stuck up as him

-It didn’t take him longer than a week or so to come to the sudden realisation that you are way more pleasant than his brother

-Like his daddy, you manage to earn his respect pretty quickly after that

-He just thought the way you handled everything that was thrown at you in DevilDom was very sophisticated but firm nonetheless, if that makes sense?

-Like, you weren’t itching to escalate fights or anything but your tone of voice could easily end a whole conversation if need be

-You were still a human of course, it would be real easy for some low rank demon to kidnap you or something

-But for some reason, your confidence seemed to intimidate a few of the weaker ones into leaving you alone

-Obviously, that didn’t mean you were completely safe or anything

-There were still others that could effortlessly overpower you

-Even so, Satan found it sort of reassuring that unlike some humans, you weren’t one to back down without a confrontation

-Don’t get me started on all those times you rebelled against Lucifer, because that’s what truly got him to get to know you better

-He found you pretty interesting and then that interest sort of evolved into actual fondness

-Another thing that caught his eye was that even though you have very strong feelings about justice and fairness, you are completely level headed most of the time

-And patience, while it’s something he can manage, is the one that he has been trying to control for centuries

-He learned a lot from you about behaviour, whether you intentionally taught it to him or not

-And if there is one thing Satan thinks highly of; it would be knowledge

-Therefore, from that point onward, your existence was so much more precious to him than your soul could ever be

Asmo:

-What can I say about our sweet Asmo?

-You could have the personality of a trashcan and he’d still love you

-You were so polite and honourable from the beginning to the point you managed to get the attention of the Avata of Lust himself????

-He thought you were pretty hot basically

-hoWEVER

-Your righteousness always sort of nagged him because he low-key believed Diavolo snuck in another angel into the program, I-

-And for some reason, your loyalty to everyone in general ticked him off immensely at the beginning

-Mainly because he recognised that’s one of the traits he lacks entirely and he came to the conclusion that he needs to revaluate himself on that one

-He is so desperate for your attention, he will tattle on his brothers just to get you to yell at them and then comfort him

-“MCCCCC, MAMMON STOLE MY NEWEST MAKE UP KIT AND IS ABOUT TO SELL IT ON AKUZON!”

-he is so petty istg

-Your nobility still catches him off guard every now and then

-Because you’ve been living with demons for so long and yet you’re still, theoretically speaking, pure?? get your head out of the gutter people

-He probably applauds you on the fact that you can even scare Lucifer on some occasions because imagine having a scarier death glare than the eldest prince of hell

-Asmo will personally buy you clothes that he thinks suit your “aesthetic” (wtf Asmo)

-Might’ve bought you a sword and then got shouted at by Lucifer because oops turns out it was cursed

-Again, supportive mom vibes

-“MC, do you know how stunning you look strutting around with that confidence of yours? Don’t get me started on your posTURE!”

-You pulled a chair for him once and he practically swooned lmao

Beel:

-He figures you’re really nice from the start

-Mostly because you kept running errands and opening doors for him even though he let it slip that he might lose control and eat you

-Like most brothers, he finds you comforting in a way

-Beel appreciates your honesty to him too because he can count on you to tell him when he’s doing something wrong

-And he sort of needs the validation that even though he blames himself for a lot of things that took place in the past, his brothers and you are more than ready to forgive him (even if they didn’t blame him to begin with)

-Rather than respect, Beel puts a lot of trust into you, which I would believe to be more intimate

-If it’s just the two of you hanging out, he has an easier time opening up about Lilith because he knows you would never judge him and respect his feelings enough to let him get it out of his system

-You always share your food with him and give him a bigger portion and he goes so soft-

-Like who allowed you to be this generous?

-Tbh, he thinks it’s sort of refreshing having someone like you around

-Beel has been surrounded by demons for millenniums now and he’s gotten used to their...uh ‘evilness’

-Ever since you got dropped off in DevilDom, you really stood out with your nobility and morals

-It was like a breath of fresh air in a way

-He may or may not believe you’re a good influence on his siblings-if you can even influence demons of all things

-I’m not saying he invites you to work out with him and give him honest criticism, but he definitely invites you to work out with him and give him honest criticism

Belphie:

-“Out of all the humans they could’ve chosen, they picked the most annoying one, oH MY FUCKING GO-I MEAN DAD-“

-You go up to the attic that one night after tricking Lucifer into vibing to some classical TSL tunes

-He spotted you and was immediately irritated

-Like, he KNEW you were going to be a pain in the ass just by judging your posture and how you carried yourself (very knightly)

-At the start, he’s even hesitant to lie to you because he had a suspicion you wouldn’t buy his bs

-(Spoiler alert: you didn’t but you went with it either way)

-It takes a while for you to forgive him when he literally fucking kills you because that was rude af but you got over it in time

-AFTER of the whole ‘Sorry-for-choking-you-can-we-be-friends-now’ incident, you still get on his nerves a lot but at this point, he believes that’s his punishment for being a murderous dickhead

-You don’t really piss him off tho, you just confuse him a lot

-Why are you so polite? You keep pulling chairs and opening doors for him??? Why are you treating him like royalty?? Stop it, he doesn’t want to be like Lord Diavolo (he def likes it when you do that)

-Pls stop dragging the poor man to breakfast, he just wants to sleep in-

-He doesn’t understand how you’re always one time for everything

-My dude tries to wake up 20 minutes early to get somewhere in time and he is still 2 hours late

-sTOP TRYING TO FORCE YOUR IDEALS ONTO HIM, HE’S A LITTLE SHIT WHO ENJOYS WATCHING PEOPLE SUFFER

-All the same, you’re a very forgiving person so he’s just grateful you don’t hate him or anything

-And in the end, it doesn’t really matter how much your chivalry and righteousness and all of that pisses him off every now and then

-Because he can’t deny the fact that you brought him and his brothers the peace they needed

-And he so loves it when you and Lucifer go head to head mhmm

Diavolo:

-This big tittied man right here takes a liking to you immediately

-A couple of days in DevilDom and he’s already inviting you for tea at his castle

-You managed to befriend the prince of hell faster than the demons you live with, huh

-He’s lonely ok? He loves having people over and having cozy chitchats

-Not to mention he thinks you’re such pleasant company!

-Most demons would be afraid to even say anything in his presence but you always speak your mind while continuing to be respectful and he’s so happy, you don’t understand-

-Only demons in close relations to Diavolo like Babrbatos and Lucifer actually know how much it takes for someone to anger him

-He doesn’t take offence to much lol

-And he’s really content that you acknowledged that

-He sometimes visits you in his spare time just to talk and hang out since Lucifer is a big meanie who doesn’t want to indulge him and Barbatos is busy making him dinner >:(

-SPEAKING OF- if you and Barbatos don’t bond then i don’t know what to tell you

-I mean, you would both have so many things in common (strong sense of loyalty, honesty, just in a way etc.)

-You’re his favourite guest to have over at the palace, sorry Luci you’ve been replaced

-He genuinely finds you interesting as well so please tell him stories from the human realm!! He’s dying to learn more!

-Diavolo notices you demeanour sort of gives off warrior vibes so-

-He really considered making you into a knight bc it’s Diavolo-what he says; goes

-“I know they’re human but they’ll be fine. Look how tough they are! They managed to survive a year with you and your brothers didn’t they?”

-“My Lord, that doesn’t amount to anything, please don’t get our human killed-“

[suzdotranslation]

[Interview TL] Yatogami Fuma DengekiOnline Interview

Original article here

Ayakashi Odd Jobs owner, Yatogami Fuma interview.

The leader with preference in sweets and gaming somehow has many incidents involving his purse!? (Holostars: UPROAR!!)

――There might be people reading this article who weren’t familiar with UPROAR!! so please introduce yourself!

Nice to meet you. I run an Ayakashi Odd Jobs, Yatogami Fuma is my name! I like sweets and games as well! Thank you for having me today!

――In your own opinion, what kind of unit UPROAR!! is like?

I think it's a unit that resembles an after-school club, They have an image that makes them feel like "A place you would go to casually after-school".

――What do you think your charm point is?

My gap I think? I've seen people say the way I normally talk is very different from how I rap...

――If you would compare yourself to an animal?

A dog I guess...? Once I get attached to something, it'll be hard for me to let it go I think

――What is your favorite food?

Any kinds of sweets! I especially like the one with a sweet potato base

――Do you have any sweets that you'd prefer lately? Please let us know!

I'm currently addicted to strawberry daifuku! The one with big strawberries!!!

――Do you have something you disliked?

I don't like nylon-based stuff. The noisy sounds they make bother me a lot.

――A song you'd do good at during karaoke?

I'm not that good at singing, so I don't have a song I'm "good at" currently...

――Do you have a special skill you're proud of?

I've never lost in a game of tic-tac-toe! (laughs)

――Do you have someone that you respect a lot?

My parents.

――Do you have any recent games you're interested in?

I'm excited for Splatoon 3 that'll be coming out this September!

――Is there any entertainment content you're interested in currently?

There’s this one called TikTok. Back then there are only people posting images with music added but nowadays, it ranges from people, comics, games, business, dance, branding, and lots of other things making their own boom there. You can definitely check it daily and see what the current trends are!

――What's your current obsession?

Currently, it's VALORANT!

――What's something that made you laugh recently?

I thought I had lost my purse but turns out I somehow put it inside a fridge

――What is the number one thing that made you cry recently?

I reread Haikyuu!! lately and cried. I'm really weak toward school-club things...

――What was the thing you're most embarrassed about lately?

Once I bought a lot of stuff at the convenience store, and when I get to the cashier I realized I forgot my purse, so I had to say "Ah, I'm so sorry... I forgot my purse..."

――Please tell us a "god-like scene" from one of your recent streams!

On my recent Splatoon 2 stream, when it was shown that I was at 12th place (worldwide) it made me so happy I yelled in response!

――Please tell us your impression of your first special program "Jump Uproar!!"

I'm genuinely surprised since it was suddenly announced mid-livestream, even though we just debuted so having our own special program this early is something we didn't expect at first. At the same time, I feel very honored for the opportunity!

――Please let us know any interesting points from the program!

By doing various challenges in our everyday, We learn to grow together by doing these tasks and giving our all in there. As our listeners watched us, I would be happy if we could motivate them to "do their best" as well!

――After seeing the bridge's name, you quickly pointed out bungee jumping might be the destination there, do you usually have a strong sense like this?

Yes. I think I normally do. Though it makes me labeled as a suspicious person as well...

――How are you feeling after that bungee jump?

I felt like there was a sharp pain coming thru my insides...

――As the odd-jobs representative, what kinds of challenges you'd like to attempt in order to "create an interesting program"?

For now, I'd like to do lots of outside activities like paintball shooting, fishing, survival-ish activity, and adventuring! It would be nice if I could challenge a lot of new stuff that no other VTubers had attempted before!

――Lastly please tell us your message to the fans.

Thank you for all the support everyone! It's because of you that I was able to do things that I love, as well as challenging various stuff. I think your support is still much needed even now, that's why I will do my best so that I can be everyone's "Important Person" as well!

[zeppelin-and-unicorns]

Yesterday I introduced you guys to the Hyde family, and now it’s time to introduce you to the new generation of the Forman family!

Again, click on the thingy if you want to know more about them!

On the top row, we see Eric and Donna, and on the bottom row, we see their two children, Lucas and Hannah (there’s no hearing aid option on picrew so just imagine Hannah’s wearing one, okay?).

Eric and Donna have overall a nice marriage. I tend not to focus much on them in my stories mostly because I’m indifferent to their relationship. After s5 I completely lost interest in them, and there was a point where I didn’t even want them to end up together anymore on s7. But I do believe that they love each other and that they can end up together if given a nice storyline, which is what I tried to do.

TSG is mostly focused on Jackie and Hyde, so we don’t get a lot of details about Donna and Eric other than they’re together, married, and have children, so I’m going to give you guys a brief summary of what happened between them after the season finale.

Eric and Donna talked about everything when he came back for the New Year’s, and they decided to try again. Eric went back to Africa to finish the program, and Donna went to college. When Eric came back, he went to the same college as she did and they started living together. Donna became a journalist, Eric became a teacher, and they moved back to Point Place when they graduated.

As soon as they moved back, Donna got pregnant with Lucas. They lived in a small apartment for a while, until Lucas started running around everywhere and they bought a house across the street from Jackie and Hyde.

They did not plan on having other children until Lucas was older, but well... Accidents happen and Donna had Hannah in 1987, when Lucas was 3 years old.

About their children... they are something else, I love them so much.

Lucas, just like Dylan, has a lot of pent-up energy, but he’s also an introvert and not a prankster at all, so he uses most of his energy in sports (for Red’s delight lol). He’s really into hockey, like, really into it, and he starts taking hockey lessons from a young age.

When he’s older, Lucas joins the school’s track and field team, mostly because there’s no hockey team in Point Place High and he absolutely hates football and wrestling.

Lucas is a bulky guy, but he’s also geeky and he and his father are addicted to video games. They spend countless hours every week playing Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros on his Nintendo 64 (Eric loses every single time lol).

He’s smart, not only is he great with numbers, but he’s also great at chess. Seriously, he won countless chess matches against his uncle Hyde (who’s half-proud and half-bitter about it), and he was like, 10.

His dream job is to be a video game developer, and considering how he’s a math whiz and how he’s a great athlete, he gets a scholarship to study computer science at college.

He never gets into trouble, mostly because people are smart enough not to fuck with him. He’s quiet and not prone to violence at all, but he’s also huge and he could probably kill someone if he wanted to.

When Lucas graduates from high school and goes to college, some bullies start to mess with his little sister Hannah, but Dylan quickly puts an end to that.

Hannah is a sweetheart, she’s an animal lover and she’s probably the sweetest person from the series.

Oh, and Hannah is also hearing impaired.

One of the things that bother me a lot in the fanfiction world (actually in the whole entertainment industry), is the lack of representativity of people with disabilities. I live with people who have disabilities, it’s something I literally see every day, and sometimes I am genuinely shocked by the lack of information (and empathy) people have when it comes to that subject.

So I decided I wanted to include a person with a disability in my story, and I am going to make you guys love her.

Hannah was born healthy, she learned how to talk and she listened to things normally up until she was 5. But as she grew older, she started developing some behaviors that concerned Eric and Donna, like watching the TV too loud and not replying to them when they called her. They took her to the doctor, they found out she had severe hearing loss and would need to use a hearing aid probably for the rest of her life.

Eric and Donna were crushed (it even causes some problems in their marriage in the future), but Hannah never cared much about it, because she was too young and she could hear just fine whenever she had her hearing aids on. She’s overall a happy kid who loves playing outside and is completely in love with everything related to nature.

The Forman family has three cats, all of them were cats that Hannah rescued from the streets and begged them to adopt. Hannah’s also responsible for bringing Zeppelin into the Hyde’s lives.

She was playing outside with Dylan and Jordan when they found a cute little black puppy all alone, searching for food in the garbage. Hannah took the puppy and begged for her parents to keep him, but they already had three cats and they couldn’t keep him. Jackie and Hyde were in the same room when she arrived with the cute little puppy, and they decided to adopt him (for Hannah’s delight). The puppy was named Zeppelin (Hyde was the one who named him, by the way), and Hannah visits the Hyde’s almost every day just to play with their dog.

Hannah loves picnics and walks at the park, she loves watching the trees changing according to the seasons, she loves to stargaze with her aunt Jackie, she loves hearing Layla’s romantic stories, she loves babysitting the younger kids, and she loves spending time with her grandma Kitty, learning how to bake and how to sew.

When she grows older, Hannah becomes a vet and opens her own animal shelter.

Hannah never let her disability stop her, she’s incredible.

And again, I got way too excited, sorry.

If you have any questions about this universe please don’t hesitate on sending them to me.

Posting the Kelso’s picrews soon :)

[itslifethroughmyeyes]

3 Seeds of Wisdom that changed my life!

I was bullied, mocked, and humiliated both in private and in public by people that I had trusted the most in my life, and I didn’t know how to put an end to the constant torture and torment.

The truth is I was never conditioned to stand up for myself but to always surrender in the name of courtesy; nor did I have any self-awareness about my rights.

But life doesn’t always work that way!

My life took a turn when I was accepted for a full-bright scholarship in a prestigious UK University. Little did I know that my life was about to change forever, for the better…

It was on my third day on campus that I met her. She would turn out to be my Academic Advisor for two years.

She was like Master Oogway to me! Yeah, the one that the plump panda had in the “Kung Fu Panda” movie: so full of sagacity, splattering out wisdom in a cascade; pure, profound, and always composed and calm.

I had an emotional breakdown during our first meeting; sinking in the quicksand of embarrassment, I rushed to apologize to her. To my utter surprise, this is how she responded:

She: “Gul, why are you sorry? For breaking down in front of your academic advisor or for showing the human side of your personality?” I watched her gracefully rising to her feet and grabbing a napkin.

Me: “I didn’t mean to be vulnerable.”

While offering the napkin to me, she continued;

“Our vulnerabilities are what make us human. Never feel sorry for expressing your emotions. It takes a lot of strength to put your emotions out there for people to see. You are rather stronger than others.”

She then picked three sunflower seeds from the intricately ornate Iznik pottery bowl (one she had probably bought from a holiday to Turkey) and placed them on the table between us.

She: “Consider these as seeds of wisdom, plant them down in your mind and soul, feed them with daily practice and commitment, let them grow in your personality.”

I still remember the spell that her undulated voice and unprecedented words cast on me that day.

Her first piece of wisdom was:

Be fierce, focused, and fearless, and let it translates through your work:

Have you ever heard about human kleptoparasites?

There is a village in the Central African Republic where locals steal prey from predators for their own survival. A lion pride is tolerated in the surrounding area because when they hunt the villagers take away the lions’ prey.

For a split second, imagine yourself looting food from a starving lion, even from a tame one. Could you do that? The answer would most probably be ‘No.’

Animals can sense our fear. The moment you get scared the famished lion would pounce on you and knock you down. Then suffocate you to death by clamping his jaws on your throat.

Without sweeping generalizations, I believe humans as social animals are more or less the same as wild lions. We can sense feelings and emotions, fragility and firmness, aversions and inclinations, love and hate!

It takes a lot of courage to be that fearless.

Looking straight into the eyes of adversity: overpower it instead of being overwhelmed; remain focused than become its fugitive; be fierce rather than feeble in your words and actions- that’s how we overcome our demons.

Holding on to the first seed of wisdom, I entered the lecture hall the next day without any sign of trepidation, but rather with a new sense of self-confidence and so aced a presentation I had to give.

2- First thing to do in the morning: decide how you will spend the rest of the day.

While I was in Jordan for my Arabic Language Immersion Program, I got into a scuffle with my roommate and a classmate over a petty issue. Our trivial scuffle turned into a massive brawl that ultimately started taking a toll on my mental and emotional health.

I am sure we all have been in situations where our emotions take control over us, and we lose our cool.

Here I would like to drop the second seed of wisdom that helped me through this difficult time:

“Every morning, the moment you wake up, you have the chance to set the tone for the rest of your day, be it positive or negative, you should be the one deciding it. Don’t let people decide it for you.”

According to scientists, the first 20 minutes of our day holds a decisive role in our success in life as our brains and bodies are in an alpha state.

During alpha state, your subconscious mind is highly active. It is your time for the power play.

Use it wisely!

Always remember what Napoleon Hill-the author of Think and Grow Rich (1937) said:

You are the master of your own destiny!

So, own it! Be the master!

Unconsciously, we often fall prey to the whirlpool of others’ emotional and mental traps that do more harm than any good.

Don’t fall prey to such nonsense. If it’s not your circus, it shouldn’t be your monkey!

Train your subconscious mind to direct your vim and vigour on constructive and productive activities, and you can plan out a prudent to-do-list within the first 20 minutes of your day:

· Try jotting down your short-term goals or make a to-do-list.

· Watching a TED-talk every morning before turning in for work is also highly effective: at least it worked for me!

· Many people start a skill or activity with great enthusiasm, but their zeal soon peters out. Persistence is the key to unlock the door of success and anything that we wish to achieve in life.

3- Make connections: the more diverse, the better!

I lived in a small village in the central part of Pakistan. A place where it seemed everyone knew everything and everyone���s business around them. Denizens were cosily dwelling in their safe bubble that nobody ever tried to look outside the village or even bother to visit the adjacent town.

In the UK, I was exposed to a whole new world of multicultural and multinational identities. I didn’t know what to do or how to respond to it.

I just tried to wind my way through it all without connecting to even a single soul.

But I kept observing, gauging, and analysing people around me.

It made me understand people in a more nuanced way.

The most riveting thing I observed in humans is that we long for similarities, likenesses, and mirror images of our thoughts and identities.

We lean towards national, cultural, ethnic, or even linguistic clusters aligned to our hues of personality. We find serenity and felicity in these cocoons because sameness seems easier to handle.

What we often overlook is the power of diversity and pluralism within society. We can learn more from people who are different from us as they challenge our pre-established notions.

A pluralist, cosmopolitan society is a society which not only accepts difference but actively seeks to understand it and to learn from it. In this perspective, diversity is not a burden to be endured but an opportunity to be welcomed.

(An excerpt from the lecture of Aga Khan at Harvard University Cambridge)

Let’s make the most out of this opportunity.

Fortunately, we live in a very fluid world where globalization and technology have made it easier for humans to connect and create collaborations.

Keeping in view the chaos the global pandemic has brought in the world, sisterhood, brotherhood, partnerships, and associations across borders are needed more now than ever before.

Reach out to people in need!

Be kind, where kindness is needed.

Be forgiving, where forgiveness is needed.

Be a source of hope, where hope is needed.

Make this world a better place for humankind- a world of opportunities and happiness.

That’s what she (my Master Oogway) taught me, and I have internalized for good.

What I shared was the odyssey of just three seeds.

But the story doesn’t end here. Remember, she had an intricately ornate Iznik pottery bowl full of seeds!

[purplesurveys]

1269

Last thing you bought online? Did you like it? OMG OMG so I got Angela an Army Bomb!!!!!! for her birthday!!!! It was HELLLL looking for sealed ones that were already onhand, but fortunately I was able to find one from this really nice seller a few days ago and the shipping was quick as well. I’m just a little worried because the outbox has a little dent on it :( but it was the best onhand offer I could find so I got it before anybody could call dibs. I still hope she likes it! I got her batteries too so that she can try lighting it up as soon as she has it. :D

Could you date someone who didn’t drive (and didn’t show an interest in ever getting their license, either)?  I feel like this is such a petty thing to make a big deal about...if they knew how to commute or any other way to get to their destination, I don’t think this should be a problem. It would only be an issue to me if they refused to get a license in a very I-generally-lack-ambition kind of way.

How would you react if your artwork became famous?  I don’t have any to show off to begin with. I love appreciating art, but creating it was never a forte of mine.

Would you get your nipples pierced?  No, I don’t plan on getting any piercings. How many people know your birthday?  Outside of my family, my best friends. I think everyone else relies on Facebook to be reminded, which is fine with me.

Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in?  No. Quite the contrary, really...I was sometimes informed about red flags taking place, which of course my stubborn ass ignored.

Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial?  Probably, as a kid. The channel from which I used to watch WWE aired these really long infomercials so I would watch those while waiting for like Raw or whatever show was going on after.

What is your current MySpace song?  I never hung out on Myspace. I had an account, but I was too young for it so it wasn’t long before I got bored.

What is your favorite kind of meat to put on your sandwich?  Pulled pork or fried chicken.

Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with?  I only have one ex.

How do you feel about people who make Facebook profiles for their pets? I find it really cute. But I personally wouldn’t put in as much effort lol.

Have you ever personally known a pair of conjoined twins?  Hmmmmmmmm I don’t think so.

What was the most disturbing thing you have ever heard your mother say? She threatened suicide in front of me and my dad in a very calm way when I was around 11, I think? Maybe 12, idk. I haven’t actually thought about that moment in an extremely long time until this question. I’ll move on now and shove the memory at the very very back of my head before I get sad.

Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it?  Aside from members of BTS (lol), interior design inspirations.

Chewy chocolate-chip cookies: like or dislike?  Ooh, love. When I bite into a cookie it hassssss to ooze chocolate, otherwise I would be underwhelmed.

If your boyfriend/girlfriend wanted to dress only in the opposite sex’s clothing, would you support that? If not, would you leave them?  Support.

Do you think your grandmother is/was beautiful?  They both are.

Which of your fields of interest are you a total expert on?  Anything that has to do with writing (except poems), I guess? I like being able to give people advice and tips when it comes to that.

When was the last time you got all dolled up?  Last July when we had a big PR media launch thingy and I couldn’t afford to look like shit on Zoom.

Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.)  Never.

Do you have a criminal record?  Not criminal but it’s possibleeeee that I have some kind of record on my license from the time I got stopped by an officer in Alabang, lmao. It was a minor offense from a tiny part of the town so I don’t actually know if they filed it, but it’s possible.

Last person you took a nap with?  I don’t really nap with other people. I hate falling asleep in front of others to begin with.

Does seeing your mother cry automatically make you feel sad as well?  No.

Do you think someone likes the same person you like?  I don’t like anybody.

Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever?  No, I do not want to stay in a pandemic and not get to maximize my life the way it’s supposed to be enjoyed forever.

Have you ever been to craigslist.com?  I’ve never checked it out; idk if we have that here?

What about eBay?  I also dunno if they operate here so no, I’ve never bothered.

Have you ever used Nair?  Not Nair, but I’ve used Veet before.

Are you medicated?  Nope.

Do you shape/fill in your eyebrows?  I never do stuff to my eyebrows except shave them.

Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex?  Several articles of clothing were left behind here, yeah. I never had the chance to give them back because I stupidly thought we were going to get back together eventually. By the time I moved on the timing was already off, so the clothes stayed with me untillll...just a few days ago, actually – when I finally cleaned up my room and got rid of a bunch of knickknacks that accumulated here over the years, including all her shirts and sweaters and stuff.

Could you make a statement about anything political?  The 2022 presidential election landscape looks like complete shit and I’m nearly at that point where I want to stop giving a fuck about this country’s future.

Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate?  No.

Do you get the feeling something good will happen in your life soon?  I think I’m already living in it, haha.

Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche?  Sure, but cliché is also hit and miss for me. I love Titanic and Love Actually, but I cannot stand movies like Me Before You and The Notebook. I guess it depends on certain executions, like the acting, screenplay, casting, etc.

Have you been to McDonald’s in the past month?  No, not inside. We did drive-thru within the last month, though.

Have you ever slept over at your best friend’s house?  Not at Andi’s, but I have at Angela’s.

How often do you go bowling?  Extremely rarely. I can’t tell you the last time I went bowling.

Last time you were in an apartment?  Like 2007 when I visited my aunt back when she still lived in one. None of my friends have their own apartments.

Have you ever seen a live seahorse?  I don’t think so.

Would you like to have your own yacht? I mean I wouldn't say no if you offered it to me for free, but I'm not exactly interested in one. < Same.

Winnie the Pooh or Tigger?  Tigger always made me laugh as a kid.

What’s the unhealthiest thing you’ve eaten today?  Luncheon meat, I think? I didn’t go overboard with the junk food today.

Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink?  Hm, not that I can recall.

What is something you’d be happy to receive as a gift, that doesn’t cost a lot?  A bag of the salted egg chips that I really like costs like 30 bucks, or roughly 60 US cents.

What kind of music does your significant other/crush like to listen to?  I don’t have any irl crushes, can I use a celebrity crush instead? HAHA he’s heavily into jazz and whenever he gets asked for music recos he always gives jazz artists from like the 50s and 60s.

Who did you have your first kiss with? Do you remember what colour his/her eyes were?  Gab. Dark brown.

Are there any themes from TV shows that you like to sing along to? The Big Bang Theory and Friends; and then I also liked humming to the themes of Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, and BoJack Horseman. The Phineas & Ferb theme was also a lot of fun to sing along to.

Do you eat dessert after dinner? No, I never do that. I’m usually already full after dinner, and we don’t always have sweets at home anyway.

Have you ever had too much to drink and felt embarrassed about your behavior the next day?  Sure.

When you go out drinking, what do you prefer to drink?  Cocktails. I very rarely go for hard drinks/shots, especially if I brought my own car.

What was the last animal that you saw?  Dog.

What was the last thing that you said to one of your siblings?  I just told my sister I was done using her laptop so she can have it back. My Memories of 2020 DVD turned out to be region-locked so I have to use her laptop every time I want to watch it :(

What is the most expensive thing that you’ve purchased that you paid for:  My Map of the Soul photobook cost me around 5k in total.

What is your favorite messaging program?  Messenger.

Do you eat fast food more than 5 times a week?  Wow no. Aside from being extremely unhealthy, that’s also a LOT of spending??

Have you ever almost drowned?  Yes.

Have you ever learned something shocking about someone through Facebook?  I mean I’ve had to learn about more than one family death through my Facebook feed, which sucks but is nothing I have control over. Otherwise the most shocking thing I’ve seen is probably classmates from high school having their own kids, but at this point I’m used to it already.

What’s the scariest living animal that you’ve petted?  I’m not really afraid of carrying/petting animals especially if there’s a guide or expert nearby, but the most daring one was probably the crocodile I volunteered to hold in Palawan.

Do you remember the first conversation you ever had with the person you currently have feelings for?  Not at all.

Do you dread certain days of the week? If yes, what day/s and why?  I hate Mondays for obvious reasons lol. I don’t know anyone who is actively cheery about reporting back to work.

If you eat oatmeal, do you have it plain or do you have certain toppings that you like to add to it?  I never eat oatmeal. I had that every single day for breakfast from like kindergarten to 4th grade and I vowed never to take a spoonful of it again.

What is the funniest or strangest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say in their sleep?  I dunno. I used to keep a log of the things my ex used to say in her sleep and a great deal of them were hilarious, but obviously I deleted that note a long time ago.

Choose one - Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers:  Butterfinger.

Do you use Mozilla Firefox? Nopes.

Who is your favorite person to hug? Angela and Laurice.

Have you ever had to have a mug shot?  Nope.

What was the last thing you carried to your room?  Kimi.

When was the last time you had a late night phone call?  WELL over a year ago.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #301

“i was waiting for my chance to find the light”

Did you like the beach a lot more as a kid more than you do now? Why/Why not? I did. Everything was more fun as a kid. I never REALLY loved it, though, because I did and still do hate the heat and walking through sand and getting it stuck all over you. It's pretty much torture now because I have extreme difficulty walking through sand. Has there ever been a time where you just couldn't stop crying? Explain. I know I've had days many years ago when my PTSD was truly awful where I'd sob multiple times a day. What's your least favorite time of day? Why don't you like that time?Late afternoon, like around 3-4 or so. By that point I'm usually bored senseless and going downhill. Do you like your lips? Do you enjoy kissing? They're fine, ig. And I mean yeah, if I'm really into the person? Do you like any music from the American Idols? Which ones? Ngl, I don't even remember any besides Kelly Clarkson, and who the FUCK doesn't like "Breakaway." Do you like when people challenge you? If so, in what? No, I get nervous about embarrassing myself. Personally for you, is falling for someone way beyond your control? It is entirely out of my control. What's something other than a fruit that you love in milkshakes? (Ex.twix ) Mostly chocolate stuff, haha. What is your all time FAVORITE milkshake? Ever tried the Reese's Blast from Sonic? That's some A+ shit. What's the latest you've ever stayed up reading a book? No clue. When having a peanut butter & jam sandwich, what is the best kind of jam? Grape. Do you like to write poetry? Yeah, but it's been a long time since I wrote anything. I used to do it aaall the time, but now I have to be seriously motivated and dedicated to the idea. When you get mad do you cry? Absolutely. Would you ever consider modeling? No. I do think one or two model-esque photos of myself would be nice and possibly help my self-confidence, but it's not something I'm seeking out and paying for. Are you scared of crossing bridges? Not very, no. If they're kinda sketchy-looking, I might feel a tad tense, but I'm not really scared of them. Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am unfuckingbelievably clumsy. Ever bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Yeah, sometimes Mom would let me and my sisters do that as kids when one came through our neighborhood. Have you ever had a poem or story published? No. If you had/have a kid would you ever let them get a tattoo? If they were of the appropriate age, of course. And if they were getting it done professionally and not at some party drunk with friends. They better be in a sterile environment with someone who knows what they're doing. Do you love guinea pigs? Absolutely. I had three or four as pets when I was a kid. What is the worst thing you ever did that got you grounded? Probably run away from home. Have you ever been chased by a snake? No... and this is a misconception. Snakes don't chase. They go for what they see as the safest escape route, and sometimes they identify your own chosen direction as where they wanted to head, too. Where do you wanna work? I want to be a freelance photographer. What awards have you won? A lot of "A honor roll" trophies through school, among other academic awards. I seriously don't know what happened to that intelligence. I also have dance awards and lots of childhood sports team stuff. Would you consider yourself good at taking care of kids? I don't think I am, no. I'm way too nervous and awkward around kids. I've had to babysit for my sister twice though, and Ashley told me the kids had lots of fun and had no complaints. I guess like... I can do it, I am just very, very uncomfortable taking kids under my wing. I worry about leading them in the wrong direction. How old would a guy have to be before you wouldn't date them? I don't know, it would really depend on how much I was into the person. I generally stick with the approximation of a ten year gap though being my limit, so I think maybe him being in his mid-30s would make me feel a bit too weird. Be honest, have you ever tried weed? No, but quite honestly, I'd probably try an edible. I refuse to smoke anything for my lungs' sake. I'm curious if medical marijuana would actually be beneficial for me. Has anyone ever broken up with you with a note? No, but uh... I have, lol. It's how I broke up with my "puppy-dog love" boyfriend in middle school. Literally after he asked me if I was thinking of breaking up with him, and I said no before handing him the note because I was just too scared to do it to his face. I know, that was absolutely awful. Never, ever do that to the most innocent boy ever, kids. He didn't deserve that. Do you have sensitive teeth? Kinda. What was the worst thing you ever did to get detention/suspended? I've only ever had detention once for having too many tardies to my first class of the day in high school. We'd frequently arrive to school just a few minutes late because I was fucking impossible to drag out of bed. Have you ever suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder? Yes. Do you suffer from nasal allergies? Yes. What's your favorite kind of pudding? I only really like chocolate pudding. Have you done anything really interesting lately? I guess you could consider starting a virtual partial hospitalization program "interesting." It's not the intensive version like my first was, but rather being shorter. I just really need something to get my mental health back on the tracks. What’s the latest really fun thing you’ve done? REALLY fun? Hell if I know. I don't experience "fun" a lot at all anymore... I only ever feel like, this watered down, unenthusiastic sorry excuse for it. Have you discovered any good music lately? Oh yeah, I've found lots of 3TEETH songs I'm mad into. "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli is also a total bop. How about any good new television shows? No. Or perhaps some interesting books? Nothing new, no. Have you picked up a new hobby or learned a new skill? I mean, within what timespan? Nothing lately, really. Has anybody ever done your makeup for you? Yeah. Do you own any sparkly items of clothing? No. What’s the most colorful accessory you own and use? *shrug* Do you enjoy drag artists’ work? If so, name some of your favorites. Oh yes, I have wild respect for drag queens. I don't know enough of them to have a fair favorite, but I do watch Trixie Mattel on YouTube and he is a goddamn hoot. What, right now, is the best thing in your life? Um. I don't really know. Probably the fact my mother still lets my too-big-for-the-nest ass to live with her... I don't want to picture how my life would be if I didn't have her still essentially holding my hand. What’s a place you like to go to when you need to get away for a bit? I actually love car rides for this, so long as I can ride passenger and just blare my music and not talk. It's so odd, being afraid of driving but finding great freedom and comfort in just... going. Do you like apples? I love apples. Anything exciting coming up for you in the near future? I paid the deposit for my tattoo appointment, so it was officially scheduled in May!! I was expecting an open date to be kinda far with just how amazing this parlor is, so I wasn't too shocked to hear I have to wait a few months, but man I can hardly wait. When you get an account for something, what's the first username you try? Unless it's for a "professional" site, in which case I'd use my actual name, I just about without fail with use "Ozzkat," or replace the "o" with a zero if that's somehow taken. Would you be okay with a friend wanting to date one of your exes? Which ex? What kind of accent do people typically have where you're from? Southern. Does history interest you at all? Can't say it does. What's something you wish you could do-over? There are many things, man. Is your hair in layers or is it all the same length? Neither, really. The left side of my head is very short/shaved, and as the hair goes around to the right, it gets longer. There aren't "layers," though. Is there anyone who you're afraid to be in a car with, if they're driving? I wouldn't say afraid, but with my sister's road rage and serious tail-gating issue, riding with her can make me nervous. What's something you're very good at? Um, I guess creative writing. Do you like sour gummy worms? oh FUCK yeah Would you pick up a hitchhiker if they seemed harmless? No. I am way too paranoid for that shit. Would you be bothered if your boyfriend liked to bite you? Uhhh I'm going to assume you mean this in a sexual context, in which case I don't care so long as it's not in a visible spot. How often do you get the opportunity to be completely alone? The answer used to be a shitload, and seeing as I'm in my room most of the time, I still feel like that's kind of true, but since Mom's cancer diagnosis and she had to stop working, she's usually home with me. I like it that way, though. Total isolation is bad for me. Do you have a trampoline? Nah, haven't in many years. What's your favorite Pixar movie? Finding Nemo. What is the strangest thing you've been asked? Something sexual that made me extremely uncomfortable. What’s the weirdest thing about life that people just accept as normal? The fact we put so much worth into pieces of green paper. What's the most random thing you've done out of boredom? *shrug* What show did your parents not let you watch as a kid? There weren't any specific shows that we even wanted to watch that Mom forbade us to see... I mean she certainly wouldn't let my sisters and I watch something like South Park as little kids, but none of us really sought unsuitable shows out. We were all about Disney, Nick, and Animal Planet in my case. What is the most pleasurable feeling that doesn't involve anything sexual? What comes to mind first is a big hug from someone who makes you feel safe when you don't anywhere else. What was your last "oops, wrong person" moment? I'm going to assume I sent somebody a text meant for another person. I'm super careful about avoiding stuff like this because I get horribly embarrassed, so it's difficult to recall the last time I slipped up. What do you find attractive that isn't considered "normal" attraction? Having a broad imagination and drive to create. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done drunk? N/A What's something you really enjoy, but can't have? A pet tarantula because Mom refuses to let me lmao. I'm so into them now and desperately want a Grammastola pulchra. What Wikipedia article have you recently read? I haven't read any recently. What subject should be taught at schools, but isn't? Basic adulting and financial skills. What is the worst game you've ever played? I dunno. I've played sooooo many video games throughout my life. What tragic event was coincidentally beneficial to you? My overdose because it led to an intensive partial hospitalization program that totally changed my life. What did you think was cool when you were younger that you now think isn’t? Good question... What are your favorite or most memorable lines from any movie/show? I vaguely remember the concepts of some quotes, but not well enough to recite them. None that are seriously memorable or heavy pop up in my head now. What's a good example of 'Don't knock it till you try it'? Putting peanut butter on top of waffles with syrup. It is fucking delicious. What's your go-to get pumped up song? 5FDP's cover of "Mama Said Knock You Out" is badass HYPE. What's the dumbest thing your parents have said or done? Well, through a family assessment before my current partial hospitalization could begin, I very recently learned my dad fucking did drugs before my sisters and I were born, including shit like cocaine. That was great to suddenly learn. As for my mom... probably have a kid too young? She doesn't talk very much about her eldest daughter's history with (and without) her, but I know enough to know that was a very rocky time in her life. What are some things you wish existed? Cures for countless illnesses, and I also have SUUUUUCH a yearning for some kind of technology that could copy an image in your head onto a drawing device. If only I could draw how/what I see up there... Which person shaped you the most? Jason. Or Mom. What’s the one movie you couldn’t finish? Why? Couldn't tell you; I just haven't watched enough. What's a small thing you have a big passion for? Meerkats, quite literally with "small" lmao. What change have you made recently to help the environment? I have metal straws I try to remember to bring with me if I go out to eat. What was the hardest thing you've ever had to forgive? The way Jason left. Is there anything or anyone you're angry at, that you haven't forgiven yet? I sometimes question if I truly have forgiven Jason. I lean kinda heavily towards yes, I have, I'm just bitter about it all regardless. Have you ever plotted revenge against someone? No. Have you ever done anything to get revenge against someone? I can't think of anything off the top of my head. What is the greatest longing of your heart? To feel purpose. Who was your first love? Some guy in high school who "had" to talk to me upon seeing me the first time, only to wind up wanting to hear nothing from me later on down the line. What denomination is your church (if you go)? N/A What was the first year you voted in a presidential election? This most recent election, actually. Have you ever been afraid of the world ending? I used to worry it would happen in my lifetime, but now I don't. If it ends, it ends. I ain't got much to lose nowadays. What is unfair about your life? My mental health. My financial position. I'd rather not focus on the billion shitty things going on in my life rn, so next question. Did you write love poems when you were younger? ugh Who are you jealous of and why? There's a lot of people I'm in some way envious of, honestly. Have you ever had an account of yours hacked? Yes. Thankfully nothing major happened. Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No.

[chxrdsxfsteel]

Narumitsu Week Day 1 - Beginnings

AAAA this is probably the first time I've formally managed to attempt participating in this stuff, mostly because I'm still a tiny bit inexperienced with writing

My theming of Day 1's prompt will be around Phoenix's letters to Edgeworth, spanning from December 2001 (immediately following DL-6 incident) to roughly August 2016 (including covering the day of The First Turnabout).

I'm gonna warn that there'll be spoilers for Gyakuten Kenji 2/Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth: Prosecutor's Path, Ace Attorney (the original), and Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations, as well as the Ace Attorney anime episodes Turnabout Promise and Sound the Turnabout Melody. Also, mentions of death, some minor violence and the usual crap discussed in the Ace Attorney series applies here, so read at your own risk.

December 29th, 2001

Dear Miles, I dunno what happened yesterday.. The power went out and Mom and I had to eat dinner with candles since the power stayed off all night. Mom said it was a 'quake, a really bad one. I went to school today and didn't see you, so I hope you're okay.. Uh, I'm gonna try to get this to your uncle Ray, so he can get this to you, like we usually do if your dad isn't around to take my letters to you after I send them in the mail. Come back to school, please!! -- Phoenix

---

December 31st, 2001

Dear Miles, ...I heard your dad's gone away.. When I got my first letter to Uncle Ray, he was crying and stuff. He kept saying your dad won't be coming back from the courthouse.. I had to redo this letter a few times after that, cuz I kept crying all over it. It.. I... 

(The letter is smudged a little bit all over the words after that, making the contents a little harder to read on the already semi-terrible handwriting.)

Man, I cried all over this one too, but not as bad, so I guess I'll send it. I'm real glad you and Larry aren't here to laugh at me, but I'm also really missing you bad, Miles. I don't have a dad, either, so I really wish you'd come back and stay with me and Mom. Mom says she misses you too. Where did you go...? It really hurts not having you here.. I can't stop crying... I can't stop.. Please come back!! -- Phoenix

(There's a tiny scribbled P.S. on the edge of this letter. 'P.S.- Happy New Year's in advance, I guess')

---

January 2002

Dear Miles, I.. think the teacher said you moved. I'm writing this at recess, so.. it's not gonna be as good. It's gonna be longer, too.. sorta. I don't know where you moved, but.. It hurts that you did. It's all over the news that your dad got.. I think it said 'shot'. Is that why he's not coming back? Uh, never mind, don't answer that. Lots of stuff happened since you went away. Uncle Ray stopped coming to see me after I gave him my other letter, so I'm gonna try giving this one to the principal or Mr. Grossberg's to have them try to get it to you. I feel really.. empty. Especially since you didn't write back yet. (I hope I spelled that right.. I had to ask a teacher to help me spell that.) It kinda hurts coming to school every day since you're not there. I miss you telling Larry he's saying dumb stuff (cuz he does).. I miss you teaching me about law stuff. I miss you getting all the teacher's questions right and helping me read better. I really miss you. ..I wonder, if this is how it feels for you to miss your dad. Does Uncle Ray and Larry and Mom miss you this bad, too? -- Phoenix

(Again, the letter is riddled with the occasional tear stain, and the last couple of lines seem unusually shaky, as if the writer were starting to lose their resolve mid-sentence..)

---

May 2002

Dear Miles, It was raining today when graduation happened. All of us got really wet, but you know what? I made it, Miles! I'm not gonna be in elementary school anymore! I'm a middle schooler now! ..But now I'm gonna get a cold and I'm gonna be stuck in bed for a week. Stupid rain!! Oh well, at least I got almost all A's. I'm working really hard to get to college like you were saying! You said you wanted to go to college someday to be a lawyer, right? I'm gonna do that, too! I wanna find you so we can defend people together someday like your dad did! He'd want that, right? Oh yeah, Larry and I are also learning how to draw and stuff. I wanna draw really good too, like those people who draw court trials for a living. If I really end up not being able to be a lawyer, I can at least draw you in court doing stuff, right? Anyways, I'm REALLY hoping this dumb letter gets to you this time!! The last one got sent a little bit before you showed up to get your dog back in December, but I guess it's okay that you didn't answer it. It was really good to see you again, but I'm also really scared you'll get sad and lonely by yourself out there. I hope you can visit without running away this time, okay..? -- Sincerely, Phoenix Wright

(There's another P.S. at the bottom of the letter. 'P.S- You used to put 'sincerely' on your old letters before you said your name, so I'm gonna try it, too!')

---

Spring 2004

Dear Miles, Did you like my radio request..? It was the only way I could think of to get my message out there. I really hope you're still in California to even hear that, Miles. So, I'd seen that Larry had bought a radio, since he said that was how adults liked entertainment nowadays.. (I hope I spelled that right, Miles. You kept referring to our old favorite show as 'children's entertainment' every time you talked about it at school!) I heard that the station was giving out requests one day, so I called them and asked! ..It's goofy, I know. I remember you went all pink when we were kids when I said nice stuff about you when you were there to hear it.. It made me feel warm when I thought about you! I still do feel warm, but I also feel like crying, because you're not here.

You're out there somewhere, out there with someone I don't know, out there with your dog, and that's still enough to make me feel happy. It makes me hope that you'll get these letters someday, Signal Red. ...Man, now Larry's laughing at me! I'm sitting here at lunch on the roof with him, writing this, and he said I looked all dreamy when I was writing this and my request to the station. Now I'M going pink! Okay, I'm gonna quit writing now before Larry sees it and laughs at me again.. I did mean what I said on my request, though. I want to see you again, Miles. Here's hoping one day, I can. Somehow, something tells me that my voice might help me the same way you helped me three years ago.. -- Sincerely, Phoenix Wright

---

August 2013

Dear Miles, I haven't written one of these in a while, heh.. I see you still haven't gotten my letters. Damn my life. I really had hoped you'd get the last one.. When did I write that, middle school..? I bought a radio with Larry's help after that, but you never did post a request after I did, so I kept it and moved on. I've decided I'm going to become a courtroom artist, so I've enrolled in Ivy University. Actually, haha, I didn't even MENTION that part first! I got into college finally! I had to redo my SAT a couple of times to get in, but I did it anyway! I'm mainly in their art program, but I'm doing some law studying on the side. Speaking of law... I heard you became a prosecutor not that long ago. The really nasty kind, like that gross von Karma guy. ..I saw a news story, right? It talked about you. There's some really nasty rumors going around, both in the papers and even around here at school. Nobody believes me when I say I had you for a friend, Miles. You used to be really thoughtful, and also kinda blunt. But I have a soft spot for you. A.. Admittedly..

(There's a break in the page. The handwriting got slightly shaky.)

...I guess you'd term it as 'unnecessary feelings', huh? Since middle school, I couldn't quit thinking about you wherever I went. Stuff keeps reminding me of you on a daily basis. Little Pomeranians walking around reminds me instantly of your tiny dog.. Every time I hear the Signal Samurai song when they do the occasional rerun reminds me of the time Larry bought us those keychains as kids, and that one time I had the radio people play the theme song. Since I've gotten here to Ivy University, I finally started contemplating my love life. I... never bothered with it, since I had you and Larry when we were in elementary.. You never bothered with girls, so I didn't feel so bad about being too nervous to ask any out. But the truth is... Maybe you were, and still are, enough to trump any girl. Okay, sure, I still occasionally wish I could kiss one or say 'I love you' to a girl, but.. most often, I end up imagining you in that girl's place. I see us together on the courtroom floor, working together to find the truth.. I see us finding the truth and smiling, even if one of us loses. Maybe a really long hug or a kiss at the very end of the trial, when nobody's looking at us. You going all pink and telling me that's unnecessary, but me insisting, like the goof people always call me now.

(Another break in the page. The handwriting gets slightly shaky again.)

...but I can't have you by my side now. Not now. You're stuck, Miles, and I can see that even though I can't see you physically here with me. It's almost like I can karmically feel your pain. If that makes any sense. (It probably doesn't.) I want to save you from becoming that von Karma dude. I'll get there eventually, right..?

(Another break in the page. The letter actually ends up on a second piece of paper this time, carefully handwritten in blue pen like the rest.)

..There's another reason why I can't do any of that sappy stuff I wrote earlier, at least not with you. I got a girlfriend, a really pretty one that smells sweet like cake.. Her name is Dahlia Hawthorne, and she's a writing student here at Ivy! We met up at the courthouse while I was doing some reading in the library, and I bumped into her when she'd been doing some stuff for a paper. She gave me this lovely glass necklace, with a tiny blue container and some gold decoration stuff. I ended up falling for her on the spot, ahaha. I did say earlier that I like girls, too, Miles, so I guess this makes sense! We started going out after she gave me the necklace, and she's absolutely wonderful! She makes me food all the time, and she made me this cute pink sweater I wish you'd see. (Knowing you, you'd probably end up laughing at how silly it looks, but if that's what Dollie's into, then I'll go with it!) I still really miss you, Miles, though. I wish you could meet Dahlia. She's like an angel, like the butterflies she's always got around her. She's as sweet as her coffee and cookies she makes. I'd draw her, but it'd be really weird if I gave you a picture of her, she said. Uh, I guess I'll write again later, this kinda got long.. -- Sincerely, Phoenix Wright

---

April 10th, 2014

(The letter has standard stationary belonging to the detention center, with some kind of emblem on the top, unlike the past letters which were on plain copy paper. The pen ink is replaced with pencil this time. Even the handwriting looks somber.)

Dear Miles, ...I got arrested. I guess I'd better explain, huh? Dollie had a boyfriend before me, apparently.. He was some snooty guy from the Pharmacology part of Ivy named Doug. He kept warning me about Dollie being dangerous or something, so I pushed him over and ran away. It'd been raining yesterday.. and... and..

(Tear stains almost ruins the writing in this section of the letter.)

...and Doug was gone, when I came back. I felt really bad for pushing him, honest! Now.. I might be responsible for him dying. How's that for bad luck, huh? I feel really heavy, like when I was a kid and your dad had gotten shot dead.. I can't really stop crying, and the guards are probably gonna yell at me to shut up if I start really going at it. Plus, I'm sick today, because I got a cold a little while ago thanks to all that rain.. God, Miles, I really wish you hadn't become a fucking prosecutor! I wish you were here to help me again! WHY DID GREGORY HAVE TO--

(More tear stains ruin a whole line of text following the name and messily written handwriting, making it unreadable. The writer must have been inconsolable trying to write this.)

....I had to get someone else to try defending me ib--

(The next word was crossed out after the tear-ruined handwriting. So was a few other expletives following that. Eventually, after a lot of crossed-out words in pencil, the letter continues a little more properly.)

...Crap, I ruined the letter, didn't I, Miles? I just feel so lost right now. I don't even have Larry or Dollie to make me feel better, and you're still off out there prosecuting. As I was saying before I messed up my words, I got another lawyer to hear me out. My trial starts tomorrow, so... I might be doomed. I'll never be able to become a lawyer and save you, it seems! I'll just be stuck in this gloomy prison for the rest of my life.. I really doubt I can get out of this one okay, Miles. I'm not good at doing stuff last-minute. You are, and you're not here.. Please, just this once.. Just this once, Miles... Come back.. Answer my damn letter! Please! Just once! I can't take being alone like this! I can't take it!! -- Signal Red

(The letter's not even signed properly.)

---

April 12th, 2014

(The letter goes back to its usual format, with one addition. There's an attached drawing this time. The drawing appears to be of Edgeworth himself, holding a few sunflowers and gladiolus flowers in his hands. The drawing is also in color, with Edgeworth being drawn in some distinctive shade of maroon.)

Dear Miles, ...Everything about Dahlia was a lie! She lied to EVERYONE. Including me. She was gonna kill me for real, Miles! Maybe I should've listened to imaginary-you and trusted my gut in court yesterday. Speaking of, I almost got poisoned! I'm having to write this from the hospital today, since they wanna make sure I'm not going to be poisoned for sure. But I've changed my mind about being a courtroom artist. That's no way to save you, Miles! I've made up my mind- I'm pursuing law full-time. My defense attorney, Mia, said she'd help me out if I were ever to go that way, and now I am. Dahlia's not holding me back, and now I won't let anything short of the law itself hold me back from saving you. Sure, it's probably really stupid to quit while I'm ahead, but.. I can't really say I should hold myself back anymore. I'm scared, but I want to push on now. I want you to smile with me again, Miles. That sappy stuff I said before.. I truly mean it. I love you, somehow. I don't know exactly how else to put it. You never read these, so I might as well be entirely honest, right? I promise, Miles, that I'll save you at any cost. Even if I have to defend you in court, I'll save you! That drawing’s some proof to it! -- Sincerely, Phoenix

(The P.S. this time says, ‘P.S- If I learnt anything from my shit experiences with Dahlia, it’s the meanings of the flowers I drew you with. Gladiolus flowers mean remembrance.. and sunflowers usually get symbolized for loyalty and joy. I also hear it’s a flower associated with lawyers...’)

---

July 2016

Dear Miles, Phew! I'm glad to say I finally managed to get my attorney's badge! The Bar Association just approved it today, and I'm not gonna lie, I ended up crying when my results came in! I'm now going to work for my past defense lawyer, Mia Fey! She was really happy when she'd heard I wanted to work as a member of her law team, and I'm gonna move into the office pretty soon now that I'm not gonna live in my old college apartment anymore. ..Yeah, I'm still gonna keep writing these letters to you, even though you haven't answered any of them all these years. So what if you never answered them? ..I'll keep sending them anyway. I'll be more of a pest than Larry was to us as kids until the day I die or the day you come back! ..Well, I digress. (Please tell me someday if I used this right.) Uh, anyways, things have been relatively okay since my last letter. I got my law degree, and that was really exhausting. My sleep schedule's now ruined forever thanks to going through the cogs of law full-time in college, but I kinda know what I'm doing about law now. I'm still doing art, but I more or less do it strictly as a hobby now, to be honest. I'm still in contact with Larry, too, but he's usually pretty bad at his jobs and stuff. He's a bit of a deadbeat, just like you remember him from elementary school. I don't have any pets, save for Charley, the office plant that's in Mia's office. I also got a brand-new suit the other day, a really bright blue one! Man, it was pretty cheap, and it fits kinda weird, but the shade's really comforting to me for some reason. It reminds me of Signal Blue, from Signal Samurai. I still have my old keychain to this day. It's on my phone now, actually, and I think of you a lot whenever I see it there. Mia told me a bit about her sister, Maya. She says she really likes bad jokes and that Steel Samurai show that plays sometimes on TV. I told her how you used to like Signal Samurai as a kid, and Mia said you'd probably be the kinda person who likes Steel Samurai. (I don't doubt it, surprisingly. After all, it's kinda Larry's fault you and I ever got into Signal Samurai..)

(There's a second sheet of paper attached.)

Oh, there's one more thing! Larry finally got a girlfriend. She's somewhere else right now, I think, maybe some kinda business trip? Her name was something like Cindy, I think.. but anyways, she and Larry have been having an awful lot of trouble lately, so I'm sincerely doubting they'll make it. ..As for me, well.. my mushy stuff still stands. Now, I mostly daydream about you when I'm not brushing up on law stuff or checking emails for Mia or cleaning the toilet.. I keep imagining you as a defense attorney like Mr. Gregory was, standing confident and having your cold-hard logic crush any lies that might come your way.. Well, and what I said in my last letter, heh. Me.. uh, kissing you and all that. That still stands! A lot! ..I just don't know if I can say this outside of writing, ugh. I feel so nervous just writing this down, and Mia's starting to stare eye-sized holes in my soul from where I'm sitting... Does she suspect something? Okay, yeah, maybe she does. All I usually do once asked why I became an attorney is gush about that tiny class trial years ago, when you defended me despite everyone else (save for Larry) not believing me when I said I didn't steal your lunch money.. I've kinda-sorta come to terms with the fact that you're apparently the one person I can count on for me to love, since you haven't killed me and haven't done anything else to break my heart besides not reading my goddamn letters ever. Seriously, Miles.. You've never sent any letters back to me.. That's okay, though. Maybe if you never open these, you'll never reject me like Dahlia Hawthorne did.. -- Sincerely, Phoenix Wright

---

August 3rd, 2016

Dear Miles, Okay... Here's my first ever trial! Larry got.. arrested. Probably the worst thing that's happened to him yet, I'm afraid. He's been accused of killing Cindy, apparently?? The second I heard about it, I asked the Chief to give me the case on the double! The problem? My stupid fricking not-diagnosed anxiety, that's what's the issue here! Well, that, and this IS my first trial.. Thankfully the Chief's gonna help back me up, but to be entirely honest, I'm kind of shaking right now.. I'm writing this as I'm preparing for the trial, so I don't know the outcome. Uh, wish me luck from out there, Miles! Maybe if I manage to bail Larry out of this, AND you answer my letters for once, how about the three of us go out somewhere and celebrate with the Chief? I think you'd really like Mia, Miles. She's really smart and really strong and independent, and I think you'd probably admire that a whole lot.. (And to be honest, you really should just answer my goddamn letters for once.. I miss you still, and I'm one step closer to saving you..!) -- Sincerely, Phoenix

---

April 4th, 2019 -- High Prosecutor's Office, Room 1202

Papers with varying writings scattered across the maroon-clad prosecutor’s desk, His heart fluttered slightly, feeling strong embarrassment at Wright accusing him of never touching the letters in the final page of the last letter he'd gotten before the pair reunited back during the trial of Mia Fey's murder. To be fair to the defense attorney, it hadn't exactly been his fault for not recieving them.. But to be fair to himself, he'd never bothered to open a single one, not even after Wright had freed him from the burden of ever having to hold back his pain that von Karma had caused him. As a result of realizing that, he felt his face flush furiously, almost the color of his own suit.

"...Calm yourself, Miles," the silver-haired man grumbled to himself, willing away the heat from his cheeks to the best of his ability.... and then it hit him like a pile of bricks, right then, That Sort Of Realization. He remembered wordings from a couple of the past letters, and..

Oh. Now he felt as if he'd gotten slapped in the face with a white-hot iron to the face. That was how flustered he felt, attempting to re-assemble his mess of brain cells after realizing W-- Phoenix had imagined the same things he did. No wonder Franziska said Phoenix was a distraction. He kind of was. But the good sort. How is it that he managed to miss that for so impossibly long...?!

That was incredibly embarrassing, to say the least! The grey-haired prosecutor gave a deep sigh, pinching the bottom of his nose and staying like that for at least the next ten minutes before huffing, stuffing the letters back in the bag, and locating the nearest pen and paper. Then, in a flurry of determination and his much-neater-cursive-print-hybrid handwriting, Edgeworth began to write something on the paper, his grey eyes focused very carefully on the words he wrote.

Dear Phoenix, I wish to tell you something, now that you and I have a little less chaos in our lives at the moment to prevent me from answering you...

~Fin~

[katewillaert]

My Secret Origin (Part 1): How To Fail At Comics

[Above: Art from 20 years ago, when I was in High School.]

What do you want to be when you grow up?

When I was four I said “mad scientist.” It was 1987 and I was a big fan of The Real Ghostbusters and Doc Brown. My mom insisted “mad scientist” wasn’t a profession. And weren’t those characters are inventors? What did I want to invent?

Clearly I hadn’t thought this through.

My mom also informed me that all those cartoons I watch were made by people. Those were drawings, and there are people whose job it was to draw those.

This blew my mind. From that point on I decided I was going to be an animator.

Discovering Art

I don’t remember when I first started drawing. It seems like something I always did growing up. As far as my memory is concerned, I came out of the womb holding a pencil and began drawing before I said my first words.

In reality, I probably started in preschool when I was four, just before I discovered what an animator was. I remember my favorite subject to draw was the Ecto-1 from Ghostbusters. I must’ve drawn it something like 10 or 20 times.

My mom kept almost all of my childhood art, so in theory I could figure out when I started drawing from that...except the earliest drawings were ruined when the basement flooded.

After the flooding, my mom was condensing what was left, and I saw something surprising: a box filled with Ecto-1 drawings. I hadn’t drawn it 10 or 20 times, I’d drawn it 100 or 200 times. Repetitively, over and over, without consciously thinking about what I was doing.

It was practice without realizing I was practicing. I guess that’s how my art “leveled up” so quickly?

Later I discovered other details about my early development. There was a time around age 2 where I stopped talking. There were times when I liked to line up toys. My obsession before art was Legos, building complex shapes and stairs.

Today these might be recognized as possible indicators of autism, but this was the ‘80s.

Because I was shy and lacking in social skills, a teacher suggested to my parents that I might benefit from being held back a grade. I had a summer birthday, so holding me back would make me one of the oldest rather than the youngest.

Thankfully my parents didn’t take that advice. I would’ve been miserable. Despite being the youngest in my class, I surpassed everyone in terms of scores. A CAT test says I scored “higher than 99% of all 3rd grade student in the nation in total language.” 91% in reading. 90% in math. My reading comprehension was 98% in the nation, but was brought down by my reading vocabulary which was only 72%.

Yet this new information called into question a things about myself I’d never considered. Maybe certain things suddenly made more sense? In particular, the way I don’t have interests so much as obsessions. Any time I take an interest in a topic, it leads to an obsessive amount of research.

Discovering Comics

I think the first comic I ever saw was a Chick Tract some kid showed me in Sunday School. He was surprised I’d never seen one. It must’ve hadan impact on me, because I attempted to draw a tract-style comic starring C.O.P.S. (“Fighting Crime In A Future Time”).

I didn’t discover REAL comic books until a few years later. In 1991, Terminator 2: Judgement Day marketing was in full force and I thought it looked so cool. But it was Rated R, and I was only seven. My mom spotted a couple issues of a Marvel comic adaptation (drawn by Klaus Janson), and I guess that was the compromise until it was out on video.

I attempted to illustrate a comic imitating Janson’s cram-packed panel-per-page ratio. It was an epic crossover where Michael Keaton Batman encounters a Delorean driven by a T-1000, then the Ninja Turtles show up, and maybe the Ghostbusters? I knew how to introduce characters but not how to finish a story.

At this point I was still imagining becoming an animator, even though I barely knew anything about what it involved beyond some flip books I’d done. But all that changed when I discovered the X-Men.

X-Men and Batman: The Animated Series both debuted on FOX during the fall of 1992. I was a huge fan of the Tim Burton Batman movies and I’d seen every episode of the ‘60s show when it was revived in reruns, but I didn’t know the comics existed? I didn’t even know where to find comics.

My brother and I were both really into this new X-Men thing, and my brother was given a set of X-Men comics for his birthday. I borrowed them of course, and wanted to see how the story continued. My mom showed us a book store in the mall that had comics, and then we discovered the local comic store. That started my monthly addiction.

Now age 10, I decided I no longer wanted to be an animator. Comics were my true calling. And my dream was to break in at age 16.

Learning Comics

Age 11: I went from reading just Uncanny X-Men to buying the entire X-line, thanks to and event called Age Of Apocalypse.

Age 12: I started buying Wizard magazine. The first two issues I bought included life-changing information, like that you get hired by building a portfolio and showing it to editors. There was industry news, and art tutorials by Greg Capullo. I added the magazine to my monthly buy list. An X-Men 30th anniversary special gave me the entire history of the characters, and a run-down of the key artists and writers with examples of their work. It was like a Rosetta Stone before Wikipedia.

Age 13: I started buying most of Marvel’s output thanks to an event called Heroes Reborn. I never got into the Batbooks, I guess because the art didn’t look as cool? Comics contained ads for the Joe Kubert School, which became my backup plan if I didn’t break into comics on my own. I also discovered the internet around this time.

Age 14: My first year of high school. I spent every lunch hour in the library browsing the internet, since we didn’t have a computer at home yet. I discovered several comic art forums where pros and amateurs traded tips. During the summer I attended a week long art session taught at a local college by a professor who grew up on ‘60s Marvel. There I learned I’d been using paper that was much too thin to ink on, and I learned about the importance of Jack Kirby.

Age 15: I started buying Comic Book Artist magazine. I thought it’d be about drawing tips, but instead it was filled with fascinating comics history, which became an obsession of its own.

Age 16: A year of disappointment. I knew I wasn’t at the level I needed to be to get pro work, but wasn’t sure how to get to the next level. Nowadays there are all sorts of resources I could’ve used, but back then there was no Youtube, no social media, and few books about the craft of comics.

I was now certain the Joe Kubert School was the way to go.

Changing Plans

My family took a trip to Dover, NJ to visit the Joe Kubert School campus, and it was pretty disappointing. The town didn’t feel super friendly, and the school wasn’t accredited, which raised issues in regards to getting student aid. Plus the idea of spending so much money on a non-degree.

The guy showing me around tried to sell me by pointing out that comic companies don’t care about whether you went to college, they just want to see the portfolio.

I took this to heart and decided not to go to college. I was pretty crushed at first, because I’d had this dream plan for so long, and now I was plan-less. But eventually a new plan began to form.

It was time to start doing conventions.

A startup called CrossGen had a sample script and were taking submissions at SDCC 2000, so I went there. I still felt like my work wasn’t quite ready for prime time, but i was worth a shot.

And nothing came of it, other than a cool Crossgen rejection letter in a box somewhere. None of the other publishers could be bothered to even send that.

In hindsight, I was trying to enter at maybe the worst possible time in comics history. When I first started reading comics, they were at their peak during a boom period. When the bubble burst, the industry experienced year-over-year plummeting sales with no bottom in sight. No one was hiring.

But I kept at it, hoping for a lucky break. Top Cow was impressed that I did backgrounds (lol), and suggested I send in “background samples,” but I didn’t want to go down that route. But maybe that’s what a lucky break looks like? (On the other hand, many aspiring pencillers who start as inkers or colorists get stuck there.)

The next summer I went to Chicago with a Marvel sample script. I’d just graduated from high school, so I was really hoping. This time I got a critique from an editor who had actual advice to offer, and I learned a few things. But still no one was hiring.

I thought if I just stayed home and worked on art for a year, I’d eventually come up with pages so impressive that they’d HAVE to hire me. And if it didn’t work out after a year, I’d start looking for a college.

But now I was struggling with a new problem. I suddenly hated my art. I’d heard about a few professional artists who didn’t like looking at their own art, but I was certain this was different. After all, they’re actually good.

The year passed and I accomplished nothing. Based on things I’d heard, I was nervous that college might actually price me out of comics entirely. But I didn’t know that for sure, and I was super inexperienced when it came to money, since I’d never lived on my own before.

But I kept hearing how so many people have gone to college and they all turned out okay (this was before social media and before student debt became a crisis). I was clearly having trouble moving forward on my own, and Youtube still didn’t exist, so what choice did I have?

Choosing Schools

There were only a few colleges with comic art programs back then (maybe three total?), but one of them just happened to be over here in Minnesota. Art school appealed to me because all the classes were art-focused, so I wouldn’t have to waste my time with math and other BS.

And as I humble-bragged earlier, I’m good at math. But I hated it. At one point some kids from Math League asked if I’d join the team. “‘MATH LEAGUE?’ You mean you do math for FUN??”

I hated math so much, I took harder, accelerated math courses via a local college, just so I could finish math early and spend my last years of high school wonderfully mathless. If there’d been a similar way to graduate from high school earlier, I would’ve taken it. When I realized we were all graduating regardless of how much work we put in, I stopped caring so much about grades and let an occasional B+ slip in.

When I would see classmates busy studying for their SATs or ACTs, I was so glad I didn’t have to bother with that.

But the joke was on me. Because this art school didn’t just require a portfolio review (which I was more than ready for). It also wanted ACT test results.

I remember wondering if I should study before I take it, since everyone took it so seriously in high school. But I didn’t even know how to study. It’s not a skill I’d learned, because I never needed to. So I decided to wing it.

You’ll hate me, but without studying I scored in the top 96% for English, the top 94% for Reading, the top 96% for Science...but only top 87% for Math, because I hadn’t taken a math class in three years. That brought my total down 90%..

(Later, I had to learn to study in order to pass some horrifically-taught art history classes. That teacher made me hate art history, which is ironic given how much of my own writing is focused on history.)

So I got into the school, only to discover that even structured teaching wasn’t going to solve my new art problem. During my first year I told my mom that I don’t enjoy art anymore, and she thought it might be depression. I mean, that’s plausible, losing interest in your passions?

In hindsight, I now have enough experience with real depression that I can definitively say it wasn’t that. I mean, I was occasionally depressed back then, but hating my art was unrelated. It took me years to figure out the actual problem.

Dunning Kruger

The Dunning-Kruger Effect is named after a study which found that:

1) People who aren’t knowledgeable about a skill tend to think they’re better at it than they are, because they don’t know enough to know what they don’t know.

2) Conversely, people who ARE knowledgeable about a skill tend to think they’re worse at it than they are.

My problem went one level deeper. I’d learned a shit ton about every skill related to comic art, but I hadn’t put in as much time actually practicing. And now practicing was tough, because I was hyper-aware of how bad every line was as I laid it down.

In other words, the exact reverse of when I was four and drew repetitively on auto-pilot. Back then I was oblivious that I was practicing anything at all. Now I had the benefit and detriment of a critical mind.

But this realization came later. At the time I was just miserable and didn’t know what was wrong with me.

Halfway through art school, I realized I’d likely already priced myself out of comics, and I needed a real degree that would function back-up plan. So I switched majors. Instead of a Comics major filling my electives with design classes, I became a Design major filling my electives with comics classes.

In order to change my major, I had to explain it to the head of the school. This was awkward because it partly involved explaining how the comics industry worked, and he didn’t want to believe it. He told me I was being cynical.

I tried doing comic samples one last time after college, for a convention in 2006, but couldn’t even finish a page. Then sometime around 2008, I gave up drawing entirely.

How I got started again is another story.

You can also find me on:

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/katewillaert/?hl=en

Twitter -  https://twitter.com/katewillaert

Art Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/katewillaert

History Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/acriticalhit

[one-of-us-must-be-crazy]

Happy Christmas, this two paragraph ficlet turned into an actual one shot. Have some fluff.

“It’s enough for me that it’s a nice day out, and we can go for a walk when I get home from work.”

That was what she had said. But this was her birthday. Technically, given how many deep-space missions she’s carried out, she was closer to thirtieth than she was to her phsyical twenty-fifth. Time, space...of all the things that have ceased to make any kind of logical sense in their little pocket universe, age is the least of concern. She’s lived so many years longer than he has, and yet he’s the one that looks older than her; enough so that they sometimes get strange looks even in places where no one would ever guess he was a synthetic.

Perhaps he could have taken her to dinner again. True, once a week or so he’d insist on taking her out, sometimes to a dive bar that she’d been familiar with when she had been living on her own, sometimes someplace nicer and she’d grumble about having to dress up. There had to be something better than just taking a walk with her. She goes for a run every morning, and for as advanced as he is, anything more than a light jog is...clumsy at best, and he stays home. So it’d be nice, to see her trail with her, come home to a pot of tea, maybe a nice hot bath...

Still, he already spent two hours making a cake for her, and was rather proud of just how machine-made-perfect it looked. There were some nice perks to being a soulless, mobile computer.

Yet it wasn’t enough. She deserves the world and a half, and she’s so practical she never buys herself anything that isn’t a necessity. Or broken; she buys antique electronics and mechanical toys to repair or remake as a hobby, but it doesn’t cost much. And was he supposed to pick out for a person that had very little in common with him, and showed very little interest in anything gift-worthy?

 She liked to read, he’d seen her with old paperbacks, and even a couple newer titles, but it was only at the end of the day or early in the morning.

Ripley sits at the kitchen bar, back from her run, hair damp despite the cool morning, and she sips at the tea he had made for her while she was out...convincing her to ease up on the coffee wasn’t easy, but pu’erh had enough caffeine to sustain her, and she didn’t put sugar in it so...small victories.... Her book is open and leaning against the potted cactus she brought home for him after he killed their violets. She’s at peace, finally, and if he’s honest with himself, and if he listens to her and believes her, he has a lot to do with that fact.

Maybe he could go out and get champagne. Put it on ice, light some candles around their bath and get her roses, maybe he could...It isn’t as if it’s something we don’t do normally, he thought. Ripley’s interest in him lessened some in the last couple of months, but he had a strong suspicion that their high-frequency rendezvous was more of a coping mechanism for her than about affection. An hour, give or take, of getting to forget who they were, or to only think of them and not of anything that has happened before or after that moment. He couldn’t blame her for it, but it did make romance less...novel of a thing to do on her birthday. 

Christopher didn’t poke through her belongings so much as curiously examine them. Her workroom had every small tool she could ever want or need. In the bathroom vanity none of her items were low, and she did indulge in scented bath salts now that WY was picking up their bills. There was even a small vial of perfume in the dresser drawer, and a single black nightgown she swore she only had because it was soft and cool to wear in the summer, but as he had witnessed, if it was too warm out she’d just go to bed in her underwear and a loose cami....she did like wearing it, he learned quickly, on nights he had to spend hours working on his programming, or on physical circuitry with his skin opened on his core. He didn’t like her seeing him like that, and usually locked himself into the office until whatever needed done was done. He’d walk out to see her, in the black night dress in the dark on their couch, with her hair down and smiling up at him “Want to sit with me?” And yet clothing of that variety didn’t seem to appeal much to her when he asked her about it.

She had graph paper and lined paper, a compass, drawing tools, everything she needed for mechanical design and work. She had a plush animal of some kind that had been either so loved or so abused that it’s repairs didn’t allow for species recognition; and she had a plush bear in a space suit he bought her on one of their earlier ‘dates.’ The hideous art print in the living room; a few old posters and post cards. They had bedding, and a spare set of sheets. Ripley always said that there was nothing else they needed. 

He thinks over the other clothing she has; work clothes, one gaudy red dress she got becuase she thought he’d like to see her in something nicer on a date, and nicer (less oil stained) jeans and shirts. A small makeup kit, though he rarely sees her in more than eyeliner (she wears concealer under her eyes, he can see it, but she denies it and he’s wise enough of human socialization at this point to not call her out on her lie). She even had a cheap pair of stud earrings she would wear once in---

That was the only jewelry she had. 

Maybe...

-----------------------

The jewelry shop in the city center would have been his first choice to find something for her at; but even the cheapest items there were more than she would ever allow him to spend on her. The display of engagement rings in it’s window was also...tempting wasn’t quite the word, ‘taunting’ might have a better connotation of the situation. It hasn’t been four months you’ve been with her... Then again, they were living together, and functioned, for all he was aware of, like a human partnership. If that was even what she considered them. 

There was another place, closer to the tourist traps, that sold....well, it was still nice things but it was the kind of nice that was sold alongside postcards and guidebooks to Luna. Amanda called the shops on that side of the city a ‘kitschy boardwalk.’ And yet, half her antiques and a few posters, and some of her records came from this part of the colony. She’d appreciate it.

An array of charms and earrings and rings shaped like the original moon lander, no. The little vintage space shuttle designs were sweet, and getting closer... But not really her either. The silver plated Weyland-Yutani logo charm was absolutely out of the question. 

Samuels remembers her humming once, he’d woken up her up from a nightmare, she had been shaking. He held her tightly and she quietly hummed the lines of a lullaby, of Lucky Star. That was months ago now and though she didn’t care much for pet names, privately that was what he thought of her: a lucky star, a unique one-in-billions event that everything orbited around.

A gold star in the back of the case of necklace pendants glittered; hardly half an inch tall, and on a plain black cord, it matched her personality--at least to his understanding of it.

---------------------------

“I told you not to do anything,” she said, looking the lowered lights and the cake sitting on their counter bar.

“Hello to you too,” he tried to cross the room to kiss her cheek, but she had already made it to the cake in three long strides.

“I’m sorry--but I meant it you didn’t have to...”

“It’s nothing, really. Normally I try to have dinner ready for you anyway so--”

“I wish you wouldn’t.”

“Didn’t we agree, luv,” he tested just how upset she was by reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear--she didn’t stop him, so she couldn’t be too annoyed, “That if you were going to back to work, I could take care of household duties?”

“I know but... You’re not my housekeeper.”

“All I did was make the cake--” Amanda froze entirely and turned to face him again.

“Whoa, no wait, wait. You made that?”

“Yes?”

“You can do that? Chris how, this is--”

“It wasn’t hard.” 

Amanda inspected the perfect flowers and flawless icing on it, the exact lettering ‘happy birthday Amy’ in curling script. “You’re full of little surprises aren’t you?”

“If you say so. I forgot about dinner I’m afraid,”

“Oh so you aren’t perfect,” she smiled at him, loving the expression on his face that told her if he could blush he would be. You, she thought to herself, are absolutely getting lucky tonight.

“Far from it, dear.” It earned him a light kiss before she went for the phone on the wall, “If you’re going to order in, I already called.”

“That vegetarian place you see fit to call ‘take out’ or--”

“The pizza place that you see fit to refer to as food. That one.”

“Okay, so you are perfect,” she said, only half joking as she reached for the silverware drawer; he knew that she would try to cut a slice of cake before dinner arrived. “Chris?”

“Yes?”

“Why is there a present where the big knife should be?”

“Becuase it’s your birthday?”

“I told you--”

“When’s the last time someone did something for you on this day? The last time you actually...enjoyed it? You said yourself that the last few you either forgot or spent at a bar. And,” she looked increasingly bothered at his words and he considered stopping, but he put thought into this, “If it’s within my power to do something for you that could make you happy then I have to do it.”

“Then we have to find a birthday for you too.”

“That isn’t necessary--”

“Yes it is. If mine is, then so is yours.” he didn’t try to argue anymore. “So you want me to open this?”

“If you want,”

“Really if this is--oh...”

“Do you like it?” he asked as she held it up to examine. She turned the star over in her hand, it was barely the size of a fingernail, and engraved on the back in impossibly tiny script.

“It’s perfect...thank you--I can’t see the letters on the back--Sorry, I need my glasses for...” she liked that he chose a black cord too, instead of a gold one.

“They couldn’t personalize something that small, maybe I should have gone with a larger one but I was able to use one of your laser tools. I didn’t think it was that small, just how bad are your eyes?”

“Not that bad but--What’s it say?”

“‘Lucky Star’“

“...What?”

“I--you were humming it one night until you fell back asleep so I thought--I’m sorry if I got it wrong or if--”

“No it’s...” she was trying hard not to cry at this point, unable to hold back the tears despite avoiding a complete breakdown. “My mom--she used to sing it to me and--When I heard her recording she... That’s the  last thing--she sang it for me and...”

“Amy I’m so sorry--I-I didn’t know.”  

Amanda had changed, through what she’d survived, through half a year of accepting (usually) the help he offered, or perhaps she had only grown a little in that instead of doing what she might have done as recently as three months ago and hiding on her own until she had no trace of tears left and then never mention it again.

Instead, she looked over to Christopher’s open arms and took his silent offer.

“I didn’t know...I can fix it, or fix it and then return the whole thing--it doesn’t matter to me, love. You can pick something out inst--”

“No you got it for me!” she sniffled slightly her tight hold on him easing up a little. “You chose it and made it special and put thought into it and..”

“I did mean the sentiment. Beyond your luck at the obvious you are a lucky star to me... If that isn’t too melodramatic or saccharine for you.”

“It is...But you really are the sweetest person I’ve ever met.” She held up the necklace, “Could you put it on me?”she asked; he obliged happily as she thought he would, glad to perform the cliche romantic gesture. 

[kingyo-diva]

Yo, I'm still alive. Sometimes late at night I think about the fact that I have this art blog, but I just don't do anything with it. But I kinda wanna talk a bit about what I'm doing/where I am? So I'm gonna do that now.

First my fish; Mango is an absolute delight, but Hannes has gone downhill. I've never managed to stop him from fin-biting, he's had what was probably a fungus which is gone now, but he's terribly thin. He can't swim straight anymore, or hold himself at the surface. This has been going on for... Two months now? He's over 2 y/o now, and I'm happy he made it so long. I don't know how long he'll still be with me, but for the rest of his life he'll get juicy blood worms.

I'm still studying biology, and my nauseating fear of tests and exams has let off a bit. I'm still way too unmotivated but I'm on the way to... Somewhere. It frustrates me that I can't get excited enough to bother much.

On art news, I can't figure out what's wrong with my laptop/art program/tablet. I've been using my old tablet on my PC, but I can definitely tell it's age. Learning to draw without a display again ist...... A challenge xD So I've mostly stuck to traditional art, even doing a bit of fan art!

I've been trying to adapt to more catoonish styles, because I've always struggled with thick lines and expressions. Doodling OK KO and transformers animated was real fun and taught me a bit!

And yeah, I'm apparently now an absolute transformers fan 😁 it's been a while since a Fandom sucked me in like this. I started with the comics - which are truly amazing, although I still have a lot to read. I admit, I was so shallow and just started reading because of the LGBT rep, but damn there is just SO MUCH going on there! I can definitely recommend!! (it's also one of the most... Kinky Fandoms I've ever been in. That, or I've just been to blind to see it in previous Fandoms)

It's gotten so far that I've bought two transformers, which are still stuck on some airport. It's been torture waiting for them, and I'll definitely show them off once they arrive!

Also, drawing transformers is,,,, a challenge without a ruler. I definitely need a new one...

[renegade-is-in-my-blood]

Hey. Me and my cowriter of Books section of renegade7x Domc went to short trip to Netherlands last week and here is our quite long story:

I found this trip on my favourite czech discount websites for very cheap price of around 60 euros for the bus ride from Prague. I had only positive experiences with booking trips online as this was my fifth travel trip through discount website called Hyperslevy (link for all my Czech/Slovak readers)

I made a reservation and exchanged several emails with the travel agency. Agency offered extra boarding cities including my hometown Hradec Kralove where I study and work.It’s 2 hours away from Prague. Domc currently lives in Prague what was another boarding city so we decided it would be easier for me to board in Hradec and for her to board in Prague. Agency told us it would be no problem and we were set without any idea what a huge problem it would be in reality.

I boarded in Hradec at 16:30 pm and our bus headed to Prague to get another passengers Domc including as we were sitting together in the bus. During the drive there I texted her how our bus looked like and our current location. We were supposed to be in Prague at 18:30 pm. and we entered the city at around 18:20 so I texted her we will be at boarding place shortly.

However our bus suddenly took a turn and headed away from Prague. I found it weird but as I’m not very familiar with Prague road system I just tought we wanted to avoid traffic so I texted Domc we would be probably late.

15 minutes passed and we were long way from Prague without Domc on board. At this time our czech speaking delegate came to me and asked me where my friend was.  At this time I was so confused and I kept telling her she is supposed to board in Prague at what our delegate told me “she’s not there” and i said “she is but we’re not there”.

After another few confusing sentences I learned that there were 2 busses and my friend was supposed to board to another one. So basically travel agency without our consent split us into 2 busses and Domc would transfer later when our 2 busses would meet. No one bothered to told us thought.

Domc was standing in front of bus that she was supposed to board for 15 minutes what resulted in 15 minutes delay for both busses so all of the other passengers were pretty upset with us but not as much as we were with the agency.

And this wasn’t even the worst thing that happened for the ride to Netherlands.

At our last boarding place in czech republic 6 clearly drunk and horribly smelling men boarded the bus. Of course they sat right behind us and our personal hell began.

They kept drinking the whole time, alcohol and cigarettes smell spread through whole bus, they were so loud and vulgar and just plainly stupid it was unbearable. Language like straight from the pub and they didn’t gave a tiny rats ass that there were small children sitting next to them. They spilled alcohol over the floor and even on one lady’s bags several times and since they were drinking all the time they kept peeing in bus toilet that was locked, so every time they needed to pee, they had to go al the way to the front of the bus (we were all sitting in the back) to ask driver to unlock the toilet  for them so the driver got pretty upset with them as well.

It was horrible, all of the passengers were complaining, they tried to warn them themselves but it was useless . They were drunk, vulgar and aggressive and they almost got into fight few times.

There were no sleeping for the bus. The minute I closed my eyes I heard one of them go “I came here to party not to sleep i could have slept at home” . Let me remind you the bus was full of 40+ years old ladies, families with kids, me and my friend and 6 30+ years old  drunk pigs. There were 56 passengers altogether.

The travel directions we received from travel agency  before the trip clearly stated that agency has the right to cast out any passenger who is consuming alcohol, drugs, is vulgar and aggressive toward other passengers but all of this was just pretty bullshit. Delegate came to them like thee times and each time she gave them “last warning” otherwise she would throw them away from the bus with no financial restitution. Sadly that didn’t happened even though all of the 50 other passengers would welcome it.

I attended bus trips many times and never did I realized the importance of your co-travelers. Luckily our drunk heads calmed down at around 5 am and we were getting off in holland at 6:30 am

Another negative thing for the drive was that there were almost no toilets breaks. Driver is supposed to make safety stops every 3-4 hours but that did not happened. Since I boarded at 16:30 till 6:30 there were only 2 toilets breaks !

I realize I have been complaining for quite a while but this was the “only” negative of the whole trip. Holland was incredible and from now on I’m gonna tell you only positive experiences about the trip.

Our first stop in holland was Keukenhof tulip gardens, the biggest and most beautiful tulip gardens in whole Netherlands and it truly is.

Garden opens at 8 am and we were a bit sooner, we got tickets for 17 euros and spend there 3,5 hours. As we had some time to spend before the opening we went to small market to buy tulip onions for our own gardens. 10 euros for 3 bags of 10 onions.

It was much nicer at this early hours as there were almost no people while at noon the garden wa so crowded there were almost no place to move and it was impossible to take nice picture without other tourist photo bombing you.

Gardens were in great shape, perfectly cut, incredible color combination, many beautiful decorations that looked incredibly on photos. I believe there is not much I could say about it and it would be better for you to see some of the many pictures we took in there to truly see the beauty we experienced:

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  What you can find in Keukenhof gardens besides tulips:

coffee shops

benches to rest

wheelchairs to borrow for older people

statues

retro car shops

flowers shaped into pictures (like hearts, faces, river)

the well, small rivers, waterfalls

animals – ducks, swans, goat, chicken, pigs, rabbits, parrots

fountains

old cars and flowers growing out of them, retro motorbikes and cars as a decoration

Netherlands white and blue ceramic

boats

windmill

Beach, indian, valentines and many other themed sections great for photographs

King Arthur’s sword Excalibur in rock (we were not worthy to pull it out)

Keukenhof is 110% recommendation must see when visiting Holland.

Our next stop was Zaanse Schans. Another beautiful sigh but I did not enjoy it as much as the gardens as the weather was bit unpleasant. It was starting to rain a bit. It was so windy and the place was full with people so it was annoying to walk with umbrellas on such narrow road as there were.

We had 3 major stops at Zaanse schans – first was cheese related. We went into this old building where they demonstrated original preparation of Netherlands cheeses and we even got to try bunch of different cheeses – some really delicious and some I couldn’t even swallow.

Next was clogs demonstration. They showed us how they make clogs from the log in just several minutes. We also got to see many clogs and ceramic at gift shop:

  Third stop was windmill itself. We paid 4,50 euros extra but it was so not wort it, we just got to see inside of the windmill, climb upwards but since it was so windy and rainy outside we couldn’t even took proper picture so I did not like this attraction.

  We still got few minutes to spare so we went to Zaansen Schans museum for free. But to be fair I have no idea what was it about as I guess we were supposed to take free audio guide to explain to us what was all of the exhibitions about, but since we had only like 10 minutes we just passed them by, took some photos and headed for bus:

From there we headed to Amsterdam. We arrived at 17:00 pm and leaved at 21:30pm.

Our group went to boat trip and wax figurines museum but me and Domc did not want to attend those so we went on our own and created our own program.

First of all we were starting to get cold so our first stop was Primark so we could buy some warm scarfs.

From there we just wandered aimlessly through Amsterdam, we made a stop at gift shop where we bought some souvenirs for our friends and family.

Amsterdam is famous for its liberal believes, legal access to weed or prostitution. Whole place smelled like weed and it remind me of my university dorm hallways. You could buy weed products, souvenirs or sex toys at every gift shop you coud find. I got weed lollipops for my friends.

We bought some sweets at this cute shop and ate them with the view from the bench over the river. We also bought coffee at Starbucks and relaxed for a bit and posted some photos on internet.

Prices were almost the same as at our country. We saw many people eating this fries so we tried them as well with sweet chilli sauce. They also offered free mayo with herbs what tasted great but their ketchup was just bad.

You can’t find public restrooms in Amsterdam so if you want to use bathroom you need to go to some restaurant – we choose McDonald’s for 50 cent where we also got some snack and chilled for a bit.

In our next wandering we came across Museum of torture so we went in for 7,50 euros.

It was full of torture instruments with description on “how to use them”, vivid photographs and stories in many different languages. The place looked like basement and it was dimmed with scary red and blue light like this:

We did not follow the map, we just occasionally checked it if we did not went too far away from our boarding place. Suddenly we were on Amsterdam’s famous Red light district street. It’s famous for shit tons of strip clubs, bars and easy access to prostitution, room renting and drugs. There were girls dressed in lingerie dancing in shop windows and seducing bypassing tourists and trust me there were a lot of tourists at this street. Our delegate warn us not to take pictures of the ladies as they don’t like that very much and might leave or get very upset.

I get that – I wouldn’t like people taking photo of me while I’m working as well.

Being from middle europe where people are way too conservative and still consider homosexuals as something rare,unusual and huge sin our delegate put homosexuality into same liberal category as prostitution and drugs, and actually “warn us about them” what was kind of offensive in my point of view as a LGBTQ+/supporter.

For me personally Amsterdam went up hight on my top cities I visited list, I loved the view, old buildings, bicycles everywhere, nature, coffee shops with cute colorful chairs outside. I was thrilled by how everyone we met speaks perfect english, not like when i was in states where it took me a while to adapt to certain accent, or in Paris where just very few people could speak english. People were so nice – some of them even smiled or said hello to us what was just so shocking for us as we are so not used to something like that.

We kept walking the streets till evening and enjoyed beautiful sunset over the city.

As the 21:30 we were all at bus heading home. I was so afraid our horrible night from before would repeat as our guy group kept saying how they’re gonna get wasted and stoned in Amsterdam. Thank God when they turned the lights off in bus all of the guys fell asleep and we all could enjoy our night of peace. I arrived home at sunday noon full of great experiences.

What I did not know before I visited Netherlands:

Amsterdam has the lowest criminality even though the prostitution and drugs. I felt like the worst behaving people were the Czechs from our bus.

Another fact I did not now before was that whole country is under the sea level what was so mind-blowing for us as we were driving through country, sea was actually above us.

I had no idea the blue and white ceramic was originally from Netherlands, even though we had a couple of them at home since I was a kid.

I never really thought about why there is so many tulips in Netherlands or what they do with them afterwards. I learned that holland distributes onions worldwide with vegetables and fruits they grow in there.

Clogs – well know holland shoes but why did they start to wear them in first place? Well as Netherlands is under the sea level and whole country is full of water people needed shoes that would not leak and wood was perfect for moist tulips fields.

Amsterdam is not the capital city of Netherlands

Even thought ride to Holland was hell, country was heaven and we had great time.

Thank you for your attention

xo Natalia

    One day in Netherlands Hey. Me and my cowriter of Books section of renegade7x Domc went to short trip to Netherlands last week and here is our quite long story:

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #342

“in this farewell, there’s no blood, there’s no alibi  /  ‘cuz i’ve drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies”

What’s your all-time favourite cartoon? Does anime count? In which case I'd say Fullmetal Alchemist, or the original Pokemon. If we're not including anime, then uhhhh Avatar: The Last Airbender, even though I have much more to go in the series. Have you ever taken dance lessons? What kind? Yeah, I've done a few for many years: jazz, clogging, modern, and hip hop. When did you last run and why? I literally couldn't tell you. I don't even know if I can run with the current state of my legs. My knees would probably crumple. Does your house/flat/whatever the hell you live in need cleaning? Not necessarily cleaning, but sorting. I still have boxes outside and inside my room of my stuff I need to put up somewhere... but whenever I prepare to do it, I just get so overwhelmed and shy away from it. Then there's the spare room, that's a total mess loaded with boxes and the like. Mom and I have just avoided it like the plague. Was your last relationship with a man or a woman? Woman. What do you think your next achievement will be? HOPEFULLY getting a job... Do you like mushrooms? NOOOOOOO. What dream do you remember most vividly? I'm not talking about it. Favorite kind of bread? Pumpernickel. Rabbits or hamsters? Rabbits. I've never met a nice hamster, and I just think rabbits are cuter. A movie you’ve never seen that it seems like every one else has? Harry Potter films. Favorite dog breed? I'm biased towards beagles. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Where I live, there aren't really many weighty trees with low branches. Just pine trees. Most common lie you tell? That I'm "fine" when I'm not. Ever seen your parents make out? Jc no, I'll take a hard pass there. Do you put your hair up a lot or down? It's too short to put up. Most of the time do you straighten or curl your hair? Neither. What piercing do you hate? I'm not a fan of cheek dermals at all, but you do you 100%. Were you raised in a religious house? Yes; I was raised Roman Catholic. Do your parents get mad when you're on the computer for hours? Mom used to for many years until I became an adult and she just realized it was in vain. I haven't lived with Dad since I was a teenager, but when my parents were together, he usually didn't say anything. Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? No, thankfully. I'd stop talking to the person immediately. What would you do if your parent hit you? I honestly feel like I'd slap them back and get the fuck out. Or just freeze in shock and cry. What's your most common mood? Stressed but distracted. Do you like poems? Yeah, usually. Ever kissed someone half-naked? Uh yeah. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Do you still play Pokémon? I play Pokemon GO, and I've actually been tempted to get out my DS and play one of the games I have (I can't remember which). I do find Pokemon games to be VERY grind-ey, though, so I can't play them for too long without getting bored. What is your favorite Pokémon? Ninetales. I also really love Espeon, though, and Charmander will always have my heart. Is there an animal you like that most people don't? Bats! :') Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it's liked? No animal is overrated. Have you ever "quit" a site and came back to it more than once? Uhhhh I don't think so. Do you have an "odd" fascination with anything? Most would probably consider "vulture culture" to be pretty weird, being drawn to dead animals and all... What's the hardest thing you've been through, & what did you learn from it? The breakup with Jason. I learned that some people make promises they aren't afraid to break, that someone can promise "forever" and not mean it, that the most unexpected can just snap their fingers and forget about you... I learned a lot. And most things, not positive. What are three "unrealistic" things you want most? 1.) To be able to financially support myself by just freelance nature photography; 2.) sooo many different kinds of pets; and 3.) to be totally rid of my mental illnesses. Do you take any daily vitamins? No, but I would if I was the one who bought groceries and stuff. I do however take Vitamin D once a week for my legs. Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? JUST THREE??????? FUCK MAN idk. Uhhh well there's of course Darkiplier and Wilford Warfstache, then uhhh probably Pyramid Head. If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Idk, I'd really need to be more educated on their lore before I made that decision. Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? I both do and don't want to resume learning German. I got very good at it and could have basic conversations, but lack of application has slaughtered my vocabulary. Now it's like, it'd be nice to try again, but for what purpose? I don't think I'll ever actually apply it to my life, so it just seems like it'd be a load of wasted effort. But then on the other hand, I also feel that doing something you simply want to do isn't a waste of time. Idk. What is one of your firmest beliefs? Equality for all. No race, religion, whatthefuckever makes you more or less valuable than someone else. Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you'd truly enjoy? Oh yes. Depression and anxiety, mostly. Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I definitely try, and I'll certainly admit to them. How do you hope the world will change, if at all? I just want more compassion, less violence, more understanding... What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? In short, I believe that something sentient created the universe, and it/they/he/she/what-have-you just... let life play out from there, I think. I like to believe there's a plane of consciousness like an afterlife that exists, but if not, I don't really care. I hope the evil get what was coming to them, and the good get back what they gave, but maybe we're all better off without life after death. We'll all find out one day. Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? Some, yes; others, not so much. This is very situational. Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? Haha, you're asking an avid player. I enjoy it, but not as much as I used to. At one point I was a Heroic raider, sometimes dabbling in Mythic, but now I'm just mostly a casual mount collector that likes chatting with my guildies and just doing dailies 'n shit. I owe a lot to the game, honestly; it helped me stay occupied throughout the breakup, and still today gives me something to do. What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? I have an Acer Nitro with Windows 10. Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I'm no longer in school. If you don't attend, are you taking any "lessons" for anything? No, but I would like to join a photography course somewhere. A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo just made me hate war more than I innately did. What genres of music are your favorite? Just metal as an umbrella term. Some heavy stuff, some less, some in the middle, some leaning towards other genres... but I just like metal. Do you think that fate plays a part in people's lives? No. Wouldn't "fate" just make it all... worthless? Like we're just storybook characters with a predetermined ending? What are your opinions on the media? One word: manipulative. What's a piece of technology you'd like to own? I REALLY want a PS4, especially lately. There's just a lot of games I REALLY want to play. Are you afraid of technology developing to where we're too reliant on it? We're already *too* reliant on it, which I do believe is a bad thing. I know, absolutely hysterical for me to be talking. What's your favorite odd ice cream flavor? I don't think I've ever had a truly odd ice cream flavor. There's this local place though that makes a kind that tastes JUST like s'mores, and I can fucking murder a cup of that. What's your opinion on stereotypes/labels? They're limiting and devalue uniqueness, imo. I know very, very few people who totally fit a certain stereotype, so why even bother. Like I don't care if you use them as adjectives to some extent, just don't put too much weight on them. Just be you. Do you believe that history repeats itself? It's not necessarily doomed to, but it happens sometimes, obviously. Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Depends on the mistake. What was the most interesting class you had in school? Probably Mythology in high school. Do you write? If so, what? Yeah, meerkat role-play. And every now and again, poetry. Do you have a favorite culture? No; I'm not educated on nearly enough to pick one. Do you believe in global warming? Have you researched it? Lol no shit I do. I don't exactly think it takes much research to see with your own two eyes that it's factual. Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? Tattoos, if I had to pick. What comedy movie is your favorite? White Chicks. Have you ever meditated? Yes. Doesn't work for me. What comes to mind when you think of a great moment in your life? Realizing it was my choice to liberate myself and my happiness from my ex. He didn't and never should've carried it, because that's my right. What do you like about springtime? Aaaaall the flowers. <3 How have you handled having to stay in? It's not really different from my average day, so... How would your friends describe you? Quiet and overthinks literally everything. Have you ever hallucinated? When I was coming off a certain med in middle school, I saw black moving shadows. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program I attended for two months following my suicide attempt. It's where I met my psychiatrist, who set my medication straight. Medicine besides though, I learned so many coping techniques and just how to deconstruct my trauma. As well as possible, anyway. What is the worst decision you ever made? Handing over the ability to make happiness for myself to another person. What is your favorite arcade game? Don't have one. Do you feel neglected? No. What school subject(s) are/were your best? English, Arts, Science. Are you allergic to pollen? Yep. What style of wedding dress do you like best? Probably ballgown. Are you over your first love? I probably never will be in complete totality. Do you always answer your phone? No. I only ever do if I recognize the number. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Today is actually my sister's birthday. What song is currently stuck in your head? I have Halocene's cover of "What I've Done" on a loop right now. It has me absolutely covered in goosebumps. Do you ever use coloring books? Not really anymore. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? Not to my knowledge, no. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Just your normal, mildly hot salsa. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? Mom's car hasn't been washed in... well, years, given its bumper. Mom worries that in a car wash, it'll be broken off (it is literally held on with a lot of zip ties and duct tape), and we ourselves don't want to wash it, so... Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? I know we have one or two, but idk what they're called. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? Dad never went to college. Mom changed her major a few times, but her latest was social work, I believe. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? Not at all. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? Because it's hot as fuck and humid. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I don't know. Hopefully I'll start one soon when I leave PHP and pursue a job... What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? I'm always in my room. Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? I feel awful admitting I do quite the opposite... Being in the dark during the day affects my depression, so I'll have my lamp (or both) on even if it's just sort of shaded inside. Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? Eh, it depends on the food. I'm not very adventurous with foods though. Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? I do. Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... It wasn't "kinky," but it was a dream lmao. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? That's how I ended the whole Joel childishness. Which friend do you confide in most? My mom. Do you wear a cross? No. What is your favorite doughnut? That's so hard. :( Krispy Kreme's normal glazed though probably takes the cake. I also love chocolate frosted and just totally plain, though. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? No. Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? Neither. Do you or your parents rake your yard? Dad did growing up. Now nobody does or needs to. Who did you last go to the movies with? Dad, I think? What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Do you have any family members in the military right now? No. Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? Yeah. Have you ever heard voices? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? No. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My nieces. What do you want the most in life? To feel like I made a difference, even a tiny one. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? OBVIOUSLY Amy Lee's. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? *shrug* What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? Hm. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, which I absolutely do not, I'd rather have my own. I know I'd feel a deeper connection. What would you class as cheating on someone? As soon as you do/say something you don't want your s/o to know about, you're cheating. As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? Studs. Do you recycle? Yes. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? People have thought I don't try hard enough before. Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. ^ What about your "Z"s? Yes. What are you most known for? My art "skill," at least irl. How do you feel about shameless self-promoting? Depends on when, where, and how. As someone who's trying to be a freelance photographer, I get that it's sadly necessary, but there are some places it's just uncalled for.

[mysurveys]

Random Qs

Survey #7 on the Countdown to 2019!

Since my last survey I’ve been sick, busy, lazy... It’s been a long time, but I felt up to doing another right now. I’m not promising any more as a follow up to this tonight, though. I’ve been too into anime lately.

Air Conditioning - At what level or temperature is it on today?

I don't know exactly. It's usually on 68-70, though.

Pet - Where does your pet sleep at night?

Our dog Chloe sleeps on my parents' bed and my cats will be in the house or outside at night.

Laptop - Is it in your lap, on the table, or somewhere else and is it charging?

It's on a table in our living room and it's charging.

Smartphone - Who do you only use your smartphone to talk to without texting or otherwise?

I still don't own or want a smartphone. It’s not something I require because I hate talking on the phone and I'm not interested in texting.

If I go out then I like being unplugged so I can live my life. Being obsessed with some kind of tech is a codependency I really don't need.

Pillows - How many pillows do you actually use while sleeping, not just on your bed?

I'll use two for sleeping every night.

Candles - What's your favorite scent that you own and how often do you light it?

I prefer LED tealights, especially since I have cats. Scented items usually bother me too. I'm allergic to a lot of things.

Cigarettes - Who in your house smokes?

My father used to smoke off our property when he was stressed, but he hasn't done that in years to my knowledge.

My mother and I would never tolerate someone smoking in our house. That shit can kill you, including secondhand smoke.

Couch - How many people could sit comfortably on it?

We only have a love-seat in our living room. My parents and I only have recliners in the den. Mine is extra-spacious.

Glasses - Who wears glasses in your house and are they near or farsighted?

I wear glasses daily because I'm nearsighted and I can't wear contacts. Both of my parents will sometimes use cheap reading glasses, though. They're over 65 now, so their vision isn't as good as it used to be.

Toothpaste - What brand do you like best?

I have to use Sensodyne. My teeth are sensitive to hot, cold and sweet items. My whole body is hypersensitive.

Pencils - Do you prefer using regular or mechanical pencils?

I'd rather just use a pen, but I'll use either of those if they're available.

Coffee Mug - What kind of hot beverage do you drink the most?

I’ll mostly drink coffees that I make at home, although I'll drink ryokucha (green tea) too.

Television - What's your favorite television channel and what're the best shows on it?

My go-to channels are Investigation Discovery and The Weather Channel lately. I'm partial to A Crime To Remember and Evil Lives Here on ID right now, but TWC is something I watch no matter what's on.

The actual weather reports in the morning during AMHQ are really soothing to me and I like So You Think You’d Survive? and SOS: How To Survive.

Chap-stick - Do you get chapped lips a lot, and when was the last time you had them?

I don't often get chapped lips, but it occasionally happens in the winter. It happened sometime during the winter, probably before the new year.

Musical Instrument - What instrument is your favorite and what's your favorite song on it?

If I'm going to listen to only one instrument then I'd choose the ocarina. I like the drums, guitar, piano, harp. It's still better for music to be played with multiple instruments, though.

Trashcan - Whose responsibility is it to take out the trash at your house?

My father often does it, but sometimes I'll do it for him.

Plants - What kind of plants do you have in your house and how often are they watered?

We don't keep any plants.

Hair Dryer - Who in your family has the longest hair and how long is it?

My parents have very short hair, so mine is the longest. It's a bit passed my shoulders right now.

Chocolate - What kind is better, milk, dark or white?

I prefer white, but I'll also eat dark chocolate sometimes. My faves are Hershey's Cookies & Creme Drops if I'm having a real treat, or just the sugar-free Russell Stover Dark Chocolate Medallions.

Shoes - The last time you went out, what shoes did you wear?

My Wolverine hiking shoes. They're the best I've ever owned. I like sturdy footwear that encompasses my feet.

DVD Player - What do you have more of, VHS tapes or DVDs?

I think I tossed out all my personal VHS tapes years ago. I mostly have DVDS, but I’ve got some Blu-Ray discs too

Insects - When you find an unwanted insect inside of your house, do you kill it, take it outside, or leave it alone?

If it's just an insect then I prefer to put it outside if it doesn't have a stinger. If I find a lizard then I'm the same way.

But if I spot a spider, I'm going to try killing it because those can be dangerous. I can't really spot the difference, so it's better to just be safe.

Spiders are specifically arachnids and not insects, though. I'm not lumping them together, but some people call them "bugs" just because the word evokes the image of a pest that bugs them.

Obviously lizards are reptiles, but they're common here. That's why I had to mention them too. They often get into our house through the garage.

Razor - What are all the areas of your body that you shave?

I don't constantly shave, but I'll take the hair off my legs, arms and armpits if I feel like it. I won’t use razors, though.

Webcam - When you go on webcam, who do you chat with the most and do you use any specific sites or programs?

I don't use my webcam.

Refrigerator & Freezer - Does yours have an automatic ice cube maker, and do you prefer cubed or crushed ice?

We don't need one of those and we only use cubed ice. It's just that we rarely use ice at all.

Sunscreen - What SPF do you use?

I haven't used sunscreen in a long time, but if I do go outside for a while then I tend to stay in the shade. I burn so easily and I'm pretty allergic to a lot of things outside too.

It's been a big problem up until recently, but I've finally found a good allergy doctor now. Maybe I can go outside more soon.

Sibling - Do you get along with your siblings, and if you have more than one then which are you closest to?

I'm an only child.

Cereal - What kind of cereal is in your house right now, is it your favorite and if not then what is?

I think there's just some corn flakes. My fave is Cinnamon Toast Crunch even though I rarely eat that or any cereal.

Pain Relievers - What kind of pain reliever do you use when you have a headache?

We have some off-brand Tylenol with pain reliever. It's the only thing that really works, but if it's an allergy headache then I'll take one of those and a sinus pill of some kind as a decongestant.

Monopoly - When you play Monopoly, what game piece do you choose?

I haven't played in so long, but I used to pick the thimble or the dog the most. It’s been ages and I want to play again.

Now I’ve bought the Mario version since I’ve been having game nights with my mother, Miss Cindy and cousin Julie. We haven’t played it yet, though.

It’s got Mario, Peach, Yoshi and Donkey Kong. My preference would be Peach out of those followed closely by Yoshi, although you can buy others.

I would certainly love a Bowser, but my other faves from what’s available right now are the Boo, Tanooki Mario and Luigi figures. I’d say my number one is really the Boo figure, though. It’s my fave Mario baddie!

Bookshelf - What books, if any, have you read more than once?

I tend not to revisit books. I'm also much more fond of nonfiction.

Card Deck - What's your favorite card game?

The only one I really enjoy is Uno and I've got the Mario edition too.

Umbrella - Do you mind walking in the rain without one?

I really don't mind getting wet most of the time.

Mood Ring - What mood are you in right now?

I'm mostly good despite being pretty stiff since I woke up that way.

Hoodie - Do you prefer the kind with or without the zipper?

I'm good with zips and I like them more than pullovers.

Calendar - What's the picture on your calendar for this month?

The one in our kitchen is a Thomas Kinkade calendar. It's just some spring scene for May right now.

Pajamas - What do you usually wear to sleep in and are you comfortable falling asleep in jeans?

I would hate sleeping in jeans. My usual outfits are PJs, nightgowns or just a tee if it's hot out.

Backpack - Are you in school this year and if so, what grade are you in?

I'm turning 32 later this month, thanks.

Alarm Clock - What time do you have to get up tomorrow morning?

I don't have a specific time to be up, especially since it’s Saturday, and it's currently 12:55 AM too. I might go to bed in the morning.

Jewelry Box - What's your most expensive piece of jewelry, and if it was a gift then who got it for you?

It might be a heart charm necklace I got in a shop on the Kemah Boardwalk here in Texas near Galveston. I’m not really sure, though. It was something I wanted for my birthday from my parents.

Game Console - What's your favorite video game to play by yourself?

Animal Crossing! Any of the main ones, but not the offshoots.

I didn’t care to try out Happy Home Designer and Amiibo Festival. In fact, I never purchased the shitty Wii U system at all. I could’ve played HHD, but it looked lame too. No one I know liked it either.

Mirror - How many times a day do you tend to look in the mirror?

I don't look in mirrors all that often, but I'm not averse to them.

Basement - Is your basement used just for storage, or is it used as another room?

We don't have basements here.

Sports Jersey - What professional teams do you and your family root for?

No one in my immediate family is a big sports fan these days.

Dictionary - What was the last new word you learned and what does it mean?

I kind of rediscovered the word "grimoire" because of the Black Clover anime along with a lot of words based on the character names.

I think the last brand-new one was the name for Licht which means "light" even though there are several I've learned about now.

[firedingo]

Game Development Lessons

So I’m 26 turning 27 this year. I worked out I loved computers when I was about 11. It wasn’t until I was about 16 I really got the chance to explore computers and it was in senior high school that I fell in love with programming.

My dad is a plasterer, or was till he was forcibly retired due to poor health. Growing up that meant I was exposed to a lot of construction work. As a result my dad would often mock up plans and drawings for things on paper.

One day I saw him doing this and I fell in love with the bricks he was drawing. I watched him for a bit before asking him how he did it. He walked me through step by step and from that moment my drawing skills evolved from simple 2D drawings to more impressive 3D creations.

As I grew up my art fell to the wayside and my more logical, knowledge seeking brain took over. I became more practical than creative.

When I got to Uni I tossed around the idea of either being a business programmer or a games developer. At the time we were told the games development industry is very small and highly competitive and to not bother with it. That meant I would choose to be a business programmer.

Yet I couldn’t stop the thoughts about being a game developer from happening. Every few weeks it would occur to me and I would wonder if maybe I could. I’d think, maybe it might be a cool hobby.

Then I met mDiyo and was motivated to get into Minecraft modding, admittedly I never quite released anything but it was an eye opening experience for me. I learned so much. I got started with Pahimar’s tutorials but the support and encouragement I have to keep going made a huge difference.

From that I also discovered how much I loved creating stuff. I was making art, I was programming, I was being a digital midwife and bringing to life ideas.

Then one day I saw GameMaker Studio 1.4 for sale in a Humble Bundle with all its export modules. I went hey that’s a great deal and so I bought it. At the time I knew what GameMaker was but not how to use it.

Then one day mDiyo began working on his own game and I felt inspired and motivated to try some stuff myself. I didn’t really know where to begin and he suggested Unity, I still felt overwhelmed and admitted I wasn’t as skilled as I thought I needed to be so he suggested GameMaker and I remembered I’d bought it in a Humble Bundle many months prior so I finally installed it.

With a little help from Shaun Spalding, HeartBeast and Google, I got a very basic platformer level going. From that I realised how much I loved it all again and I knew right then that game development was the right path for me to follow.

The picture above was my very first level. I learned how to animate the lava and the slime, I learned how to trigger fireworks on a collision with the door and I made the character move. I also eventually added a life item which refilled lives and had a cooldown and how to put a basic menu in that worked.

I’d been practicing pixel art up to that point and finally applied it with my logic and made that. These days I know more.

For one I learned that decorative items are better placed in a level as tiles not objects because they use less memory, of course at the time I didn’t know that.

I also learned about sizing things and creating fonts to make text readable.

I also learned how to improve my pixel art creation skills. I went from using GIMP to using Aseprite and I’d have to say it was the best decision. I’ve found it so helpful for animating stuff, tiling, general sprite creation etc.

The biggest thing I think I’ve learned though is time estimation. Realising how long it takes me to create my sprites.

I’d never done procedural generation before and one day saying oh I could make a box in under a year once to a friend resulted in them challenging me to do it. So I started by watching videos. That took some hours but after that I set about coding my own procedural generation level with a box and within a few more hours I had it mostly pretty good.

By the day’s end I had a randomly generating level. With a few extra lines I was able to stick a box on it and with that that everything was working fine.

Yet on the flip side, take this sprite I made a little while ago

That pixel hobbit door took me days to make. The wood was especially hard and I’m still learning how to do wood. That was probably my first successful wood texture.

When I was a kid, all the cool things seemed so hard and like I’d never be able to achieve them. Now I’m an adult and yeah it took me a while to get there but now I’m starting to achieve them and I feel good about it.

For a long time I felt like I was floating through life with no sense of value or meaning. Everything was pointless and I felt entirely powerless. Admittedly I do still feel powerless sometimes(especially where my government is concerned) but now that I am achieving the cool things I dreamed of, I don’t feel like I’m so lost. I feel like I have found my purpose in life.

I thoroughly love describing the whole process as digital midwifery. The term seems entirely accurate to me. A midwife is a nurse who specializes in antenatal and post-natal pregnancy care. Here in Australia, if you have a healthy pregnancy then you’ll be seen by a midwife. If you’re a private patient you can also have a doctor see you and attend the delivery. If you’re deemed high risk then you’ll be seen exclusively by a doctor.

For the vast majority of people they have a perfectly normal pregnancy and deliver with a midwife present. When the baby comes out the midwife catches it and they do the post delivery checks before returning baby and mother to the ward.

The midwife is basically there from the start. From a few weeks after conception to many weeks after delivery a midwife will check in with expectant and new mothers. Through their job they get to see this life develop from an embryo to a fetus to a healthy baby.

I see process of going from conceiving an idea, nurturing the idea as it grows and develops in planning and implementation to a fully healthy idea as it is delivered just like a baby is so I see that whole process as “digital midwifery”.

I’m still learning and growing just like an idea or baby might but I’ve learned so much and I continue to learn heaps. Every day I try to learn something new. Even if I feel confronted and challenged by what I’m learning, I try to not be judgemental and to let the facts present themselves and to assess whether it is I who has faulty knowledge or if it is the source. Sometimes that means it’s me but I also accept that and improve myself by integrating that new knowledge within me and growing and developing further in the process. Sometimes I learn lessons along the way too.

To look at myself now and see where I am, I wish I could hold my younger self and pass along to her the lessons I’ve learned and offer her the encouragement and support she needed. I can see that I have become the very person I needed as a kid. One who is much wiser, has learned lots, is fully of love and support and encouragement. One who knows who to get from A to B.

As a kid that’s one thing I struggled with. I didn’t know how to get from A to B. Now I’m doing it and I’m so glad and proud of myself for that but I’m also filled with regret that I couldn’t help my younger self. Yet from the past I’ve learned you can’t dwell on regrets. If you do you’ll never move forward.

Sometimes I regret how my time is spent. Perhaps I might set out to create something and end up getting distracted. I regret the wasted time but I also endeavour the next day to implement steps to stop that happening again. It means I’m always learning new lessons too.

As I‘ve learned to manage my time better, I’ve also learned when to multitask, how to multitask (eg. listen to music or have a video in the background) and most importantly why to multitask.

I think this post was a bit rambly though I tried to keep it on topic and a logic flow of ideas through it. I think I might write another post on game development. Perhaps maybe how my latest project is going and any other lessons I’ve learned since then.

Links

mDiyo - https://twitter.com/Merdiwen

Pahimar - https://www.twitter.com/Pahimar

Pahimar’s Tutorials - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXOevHnu6lzJqFNa1swefIQ

GameMaker Studio - https://www.yoyogames.com/gamemaker

Humble Bundle - https://www.humblebundle.com/

Shaun Spalding - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn7FE3Tx391g1tWPv-1tv7Q

HeartBeast - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrHQNOyU1q6BFEfkNq2CYMA

GIMP - https://www.gimp.org

Aseprite - https://www.aseprite.org/