#i built computers in highschool can you tell

[idolatrybarbie]

not publishing anymore fic this year but thinkin' tommymaria thoughts...

maria is an absolute genius computer engineer, creates amazing builds in her spare time. she is truly just supremely smart and talented...but it's 2011 and we're recovering from a recession here, people, so she's snagged some shitty IT job at a third party phone survey company. they call, they try to ask you questions, you usually hang up. that kinda deal.

enter tommy. well not really enter. maria goes to fulfill a maintenance request on the fourteenth floor, taking the elevator allll the way up from the dingy third floor office they keep the tech employees in. enter maria to meet tommy. he's nice enough, a little flushed and worried about his work set up—they aren't supposed to create a burning smell.

turns out the computer is completely fried, someone spilled their coffee on it late one night and it's dribbled into the GPU and wrecked the motherboard. she goes to haul the computer to the elevator and he offers to carry it down for her, ever the gentleman. maria's knee jerk reaction is to tell him she's good, but he is kind of cute... so she lets him take the case into his arms, heavier than he expected, and keep her company on the trip down again.

he almost asks for her number before he leaves, she can tell, but stops himself. maria watches him walk away, ass tight in those macy's dress pants. she thinks that's the last she's ever gonna see of him until! the work holiday partyyyyy.

it blows, in short. none of her IT co-workers even bothered to show, leaving maria socially stranded. she's contemplating if anyone'll even notice or care if she ditches when someone sidles up next to her beside the gaudy-looking Christmas tree—tommy miller.

"hey there," he says, half way between a friend and a stranger.

"kentucky fried computer," maria nods at him.

"i still don't know how that happened," tommy says. maria gives him a disbelieving look. "i don't drink coffee."

"you work a nine to five but you don't drink coffee?" she asks.

tommy shakes his head. "only green tea. it's good for gut health." immediately, the despairing look on his face tells maria that he cannot believe he's uttered the words gut health in front of her.

she rolls with it. "so if i open it up, i'm not going to find a bunch of little leaves in there?"

"you won't," tommy says. "scout's honour." when she raises an eyebrow in question, he explains, "i was a boy scout for nine years."

"of course you were."

they find a soft couch to take up residence in a quiet corner of the party. maria's two flutes of champagne deep, quizzing him about the scouts with questions from her phone. he isn't lying, getting all of the answers correct. then she asks him what he does now.

"unless you're still a boy scout," she says.

"am not," tommy says. then he shrugs. "i work. go home, make dinner."

"so you cook."

"i do," he nods. "can make a mean frozen lasagna. or ajiaco, if you'd prefer."

he has an amazing way of making questions for him turn around to be about her.

"i'd have to know what that is," maria says.

"meat soup, sorta. barbecued beef, chopped onions, green chili peppers," tommy explains.

it honestly sounds delicious, but telling him that would communicate that maria's interested in trying it—in having him cook for her. and she's not...right?

"sounds nice," is all she gives him.

when the party ends, tommy walks maria to her car. she finds it a bit overkill but can't find it in herself to tell him not to. it's sweet. he is sweet. it's been a while since she's had any sugar in her life.

when he asks her out straightforwardly, she takes a moment to consider, fingers curled over the door handle of her car.

she says, "yes." tommy's face splits into an amused grin as she continues, "my place, but you're cooking. d'you like wine or beer?"

"wine. you?"

"beer," she says.

"i'll bring both," tommy nods.

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 8

Propaganda:

Itsuki -

"Does things in ways the protagonist sees as strange and talks in a very formal and roundabout way. He also talks with his hands a lot. He has admitted to faking his personality to be more to Haruhi Suzumiya's liking in both the main timeline and the timeline where he's an ordinary human."

Akira -

"Akira cares deeply for animals maybe even more than other people, he’s completely oblivious to the fact both his best friends are in love with him and when he fuses with a demon to become a demon hunter he calls himself Devilman because he’s a demon and a man at the same time."

Yukiteru -

"Yuki is incredibly socially awkward but also has a knack for befriending odd people, he writes everything he sees in his diary and is super dedicated to keeping the format exactly the same every time oh and did I mention his ‘imaginary friend’ is a science themed god?"

Haru -

"He's really into the patterns of storytelling, and his goal in life is to be a "protagonist". Once he becomes an Appli Driver, he places a lot of his self-worth in being a protagonist and the role he fulfills (which, in my opinion, is a type of script-following) and he winds up in a bad place when he realizes him being a protagonist was built on a lie. He spends all of his free time reading & sometimes gets so invested in reading that he skips out on social activities (and lets his 2ft monster (Gatchmon) go trick-or-treating in broad daylight all on their own). He always has the same pair of goggles on his head but wears them maybe once. His buddy Appmon (digimon partners are often reflections of their human partners) is basically the personification of a search engine and will go on tangents about whatever they've looked up."

Mio -

"Has special interests in ancient medicines and photography. Abstract thoughts and oblivious to social norms. Resists change (example: reacted negatively to the schools curry being unavailable since that is his possible safe food). Other characters notes him as being strange. Poor reasoning (example: Thinks it more efficient to just take supplements instead of eating). Ignores other in pursuit of his interests."

Akira Agarkar -

"A 25 year old man who works for a government agency named D.U.C.K., where flamboyant/eccentric people investigate aliens, and goes undercover as a highschooler to gain information about Haru; doing a poor job of trying to blend in. He is a quirky silly man and his best friend is a duck named Tapioca who he talks to. He also has a special interest in fishing and gets so excited by it that he sometimes yells "FIIIIIIISHH" in English when he reels them in. Bad puns upset him so much that he is physically incapacitated and lies on the floor. What else can I say, I love him."

Kaiji -

"Can't tell when he's being tricked by other characters, and sees human connection as pointless because of how isolated he feels. Says that other see him as weird and that 'being difficult' is easier for him than acting like someone he isn't."

Shou -

"His special interest is math. He uses math terms in regular conversations and calls people yoctograms/zeptograms which earned him monikers such as "math man" and "pi-face". Speaking of Pi, he once shouted 155 consecutive digits of it through a megaphone just because he could. He's so normal."

Saguru -

"high school detective who shows up to crime scenes in full sherlock holmes cosplay because this is totally a normal thing one does, right?"

Souji -

"this lonely genius used to be a computer-like man, now he's a (tragic) villain. the bisexual who swings both ways and misses both times, he's associated with insects/butterflies, flowers/black roses, anachronism, beautiful memories, elevators, and coffins- but who in SKU isn't, really? oh, and fire. he's also voiced by Midorikawa Hikaru at his raspy best."

[dontfeeltoohot]

Just cuz I can lmfao

YTAU YTAU YTAU YTAU

Enjoy some Steve POV!

X X X

Steve stares at himself in the mirror, wishing Robin was here to help him pick out an outfit. He’s meeting Eddie at the tattoo parlor at 7 so they can grab some food and walk around downtown Hawkins. It’s September, the temperature is starting to drop, and leaves are very faintly changing color.

Pulling off his navy polo, the shop owner groans and runs a hand through his hair. Fuck. Why is this so hard? Because it’s Eddie, the guys he’s unknowingly jacked off too numerous times thanks to wavs on YouTube. It’s also the guy that’s incredibly attractive and sweet and funny and kind. Jesus Christ.

Looking around his bedroom, he finally decides on a plain dark green t-shirt and his old, vintage blue grey Members Only jacket, a gift from Robin last year for Christmas. Deciding he looks good, Steve goes and brushes his teeth, then fixes his hair. Years ago he would have obsessed over it, but now he lets it mostly do its own thing. Robin always tells him it looks better than highschool, and he tries to believe her.

The walk from the apartment to Main Street is only ten minutes. Steve actually enjoys walking most days, it lets him clear his head and he likes to people-watch. The lights on Green Light’s parlor sign are lit up, letting everyone know they’re open. He’s been in a few times now, though still not many. He’s known Eddie (personally) for less than a month, but it’s nice they’re starting to hang out more.

The one issue he keeps running into is trying not to think about the fact he’s listened to this man sneeze for over two years, has built a whole fake persona for him, but now he’s hanging out with the real Eddie. The real ‘thebanished’. It’s kind of mind blowing.

Bells hit together and ring out as Steve opens the door, knocking from where they’re hung on the door knob. He smiles at Lana, the one piercer they have employed, and she smiles back, her Monroe piercing glinting in the light.

“Eddie, your boy is here!”

His boy? Steve tries to get the words to compute in his brain as he looks over to where half walls separate workstations. The middle one on the right side of the room is Eddie’s, and he can’t help but grin as a messy bun of curly brown hair pops up from behind the wall. A moment later, Steve notices Eddie’s holding a tissue in his hand. Cheeks feeling warm, Steve forces himself to walk closer. Surely he’s not sick again, right? If he is the universe has to be fucking with him.

“Hey Harrington,” Eddie beams at him.

The artist is wearing a plain black shirt and black jeans with rips at the knees, his usual attire. Tattoos litter his arms completely, spilling onto his hands. Steve thinks he’s seen some kind of design peep out from around the necks of his shirts sometimes, too. There’s a few wispy curls around his face, bangs brushing his eyebrows.

“Hey, you ready for food?”

“Yeah man, gimme just one second,” Eddie smiles and tosses the tissue into his trash can. “Sorry, I was cleaning off my gun,” he adds, gesturing to the half taken apart tattoo gun sitting on the chair.

So universe isn’t fucking with him then.

“Oh, you can f-“

“Nah, I need some food, this can wait till tomorrow,” he promises, and Steve melts a little at how genuine Eddie looks. Thoughts about Eddie and food remind Steve of six nights prior when Eddie had told he and Robin he was diabetic.

The older of the two grabs his denim jacket from the back of his chair and pulls it on, then grabs the backpack that’s sitting in the corner, also black. He turns and gives Steve another smile, then gestures to the front.

“Ready?”

Nodding, Steve follows him out, passing by two guys who look like they're in their twenties, obviously high and on the couch.

“They’re going to get the shiftiest tattoos if that weed is as strong as it smells,” Eddie laughs, walking down the sidewalk. “How was your day Stevie?”

“Hopefully they regret it,” Steve smirks, basking in the fact the air has dropped to the 60’s and 70’s recently. “It was good! Robin has that date tonight, so she wouldn’t stop talking all day…”

Steve means to continue talking but the sun catches his face and he’s not wearing sunglasses. Almost immediately his nose itches and he stops walking, eyes fluttering shut. He can feel Eddie stop too, can hear the little keychain on his backpack stop hitting the fabric.

“eiIHKSHH! heh’IhDSTCHHuh!”

He snaps his face downward, hardly covering, but directing any spray he might have toward the ground and himself.

“Sorry,” Steve blushes when he opens his eyes and sees Eddie staring at him.

Then it hits him. Duh. Eddie’s into this. Well…maybe not his sneeze personally, but anyone who has a YouTube full of wavs has to actually have the kink too. Oh god…how loud had he been? Shit, he needed to practice sneezing in front of a mirror to watch his face or something now, because what if it was super bad?

“Bless you.”

Eddie says it was an amazing amount of ease, it doesn’t come out shaky like Steve’s had weeks prior when the guy had been sick. He’s still looking at him.

“Thanks.”

“That’s rare, sneezing from the sun,” Eddie adds, and what the fuck, how is he so chill talking casually about this?

“Yeah, I think I remember reading that somewhere. I’ve always done it.”

Maybe he can have some fun with this. Eddie doesn’t know that he knows. Holy. Shit.

As they continue their walk down to the local burger place, Steve listens to Eddie talk about his friend who’s coming into town, and how he can’t wait for Robin to meet her. As they approach Benny’s Burger Joint, Steve turns and his eyes once again get light shone into them.

“IHKSHH! eiISHH’UH!”

He manages to twist away into his arm this time, sniffling after.

“Two times in one walk Stevie? Jeez, are you a vampire?”

Steve blushes and laughs, shaking his head and opening the door for the man, feeling oddly light.

[wwwurbunnygrldotcom]

FILE J.ONE - PT.1

(”I mean if you’re going to hack into my software might as well give me head first.”)

1 - 2 + UPDATE

WARNINGS- smut, mentions of pedophilia, porn, bad language, and over all not kid friendly writing!

Pairing- Han Jisung (Of StrayKids X OC/you)

Genre- Hacker AU, highschool AU, comedy, and romance.

WC- 2K

SUMMARY- 

Being a well experienced hacker and coder with too much time on your hands is an interesting hobby, especially interesting when you leave your computer in your school's robotics club and come back to a strange new malware taking over your system. Who in the robotics club is responsible? Who is trying to watch me? And why?

File title; Han Jisung. Age; 17, occupation; student enrolled at Seoul high school, alias; J.ONE.

Normal kid with a normal cyber background, seemingly there was nothing special about Jisung. Except for the alarming amount of porn he watches, although I didn't expect much coming from the vice president of Seoul high school’s robotics club. 

The entire robotics club was almost built like a mini nerd cult. They never spoke to anyone other than each other during break times, the only thing making them noticeable was the fact some of their members were drop dead gorgeous. The group consisted of 8 members, all of which I've done extensive cyber background checks on.

The president or leader of the robotics club was our school's valedictorian, Christopher “Chan” Bang. Most people called him Chan since he refused to ever hear his legal name, I wouldn't want to be called Christopher either. Online or during coding he used the name CB97. He started the robotics club back in his freshman year, now that he’s graduating he’s training Jisung to take his place for the younger members. I found that out after finding a file titled, “Jisung’s growing up:(“. Other than that I found basic coding cheats for password hacking and how to take down viruses, nothing any other coding lover wouldn't have. I only found him suspicious because in order to dig my way into his system I had to jump over two firewalls, for a second I was nervous the walls were used as distractions while viruses were being downloaded onto my software. Nope. That is what made Chan even then the more interesting, he’s not smart enough to program malware, but smart enough to hide something. 

Lee Minho took the cake for the most I had found out of any of the members, certainly not anything useful but enough to make my jaw drop just a little bit. Minho, also known as, Lee Know online, had a porn and gambling addiction at just 17. Thousands of dollars spent on cam girls in the past year not even noting how much was spent on online slot machines. Unlike Chan he had only one singular firewall setup and even so it wasn't the strongest, the basic kind of software you pay some DnD kid to install for you. I suppose a lot of people who find out about another person's addictions might actually want to use it for leverage, though blackmail isn't what I was looking for. I just wanted to know who the fuck installed this malware onto my computer. Lee Minho was off the hook, although I did make sure therapist’s will pop up in his recommendations throughout all of his social medias. I think he may need it. 

Seo Changbin, SPEARB, has one of the most boring files I have ever witnessed. Yes, he did partake in illegal activity but not to the degree Minho does. The only differentiating factor between the two was Changbin had a girlfriend, making his porn searches much lower than the rest. It wasn't hard to tell when I stumbled across the homemade porn videos uploaded to his iCloud of the two, she definitely was beautiful. Inside and out, if you know what I mean. His search history consists of lists of car parts and gym plans. Now, the only thing I can see Changbin doing behind the police’s back is back street car racing. Which for the record was something I truly did admire, so I spent a little bit extra time looking at pictures of his cars and all the mods he had changed on it. Based on this I think it was the only reason why he joined the robotics club to begin with, it gave him an opportunity to get ahold of the tools he needed without seeming strange. He wasn't the one I was looking for. 

Hwang Hyunjin was a different type of boy. He was so attractive it made me blush a little bit to go through his belongings, I got to see a different side to him and to say I wasn't a little giddy was a lie. I liked going through him the most because he was definitely more clever. His passwords were much larger and harder to decipher, meaning it took my software and little longer to get through. I knew Hyunjin was a ladies man, I mean we all did. You would have to be socially stupid to not see how women flock to him like sheep, and he was good at it too. He knew exactly how to get them wrapped around his finger. He had this sort of ego online, Jiniret. He would talk to women through online dating apps, pretending to be older or even sometimes someone he wasn't at all. Whatever type of men these women were looking for they could find in Hyunjin. He was so sly with his words these women would do anything for him, send him money, buy him clothing or food, these women were utterly in love with Jiniret. I think the worst thing I had found was recent searches of plastic surgery doctors for cheap prices in Seoul. Was he saving up the money he earned from these women to change his appearance? Fortunately, Jiniret was not the criminal I was looking for. 

Lee Felix for the most part was completely normal, for a long time Felix wasn't even on the list of suspects. The only reason I had even searched for him was because he was a part of Chan’s group, making him an associate. Though fortunately I found nothing, nothing besides a pile of gay porn and test anwers for every chemistry test he has taken so far. For now, I left Felix alone. Although for safe measures I kept in touch with his digital footprint. 

Min Seungmin or known as PuppyM, was also a suspect I was less worried about. Yet again another straight A student with a perfect school record. Seungmin had a very clear interest in coding, like he had joined the group for what Chan had intended it to be. That's what Seungmin wanted everyone to believe he was, PuppyM on the other hand was some sort of viglianti online. PuppyM finds pedoflies on all platforms and baits them as a 10 year old girl, once he becomes closer with these men he lures them into cyberattacks. He gains their IP address and all data proof of their crimes and anonymously sends them to law enforcement. PuppyM was well respected and admired in this community, which was such a difference from Seungmin. What was even more surprising was he had let the youngest member in on what he had been doing, something the others hadn't done. 

The youngest being Yang Jeongin, a freshman new to the club. He joined robotics a couple months ago, I found some searches in his Google history of coding basics, which then lead me to believe Jeongin was completely new to coding and just joined to make new friends. This led my attention away from Jeongin and towards the older members, that was until I found messages between Seungmin and himself. Only two months into their meeting, Seungmin had come clean about everything he had been doing in his free time, offering to recruit him and take him under his wing. Jeongin seemed nervous at first and thought that doing something as risky as this was simply too much for him. Everything in the span of a month had changed, he went from making small actions online to big movements. It started with only speaking to one man at a time to speaking to multiple and even running fake group chats for pedophiles. PuppyM and FoxI.Ny were the perfect duo to make the internet a cleaner place for children. 

Han Jisung. J.ONE. No one has ever sent me more in a loop than he has. Jisung was no criminal, or at least with anything I had found. Though, Jisung was more clever and protective than any of the boys had been. Jisungs passwords were extensive and detailed, a long series of numbers mixed in with symbols and letters. Behind the passwords were firewalls and traps to gain IP addresses of hackers. So not only was I not able to access as much as I had wanted, but when I got as far as his messages and search history there was nothing. Nothing. No strange texts, Google searches, no dating apps, only him and his dominatrix porn. I was angry with myself for not searching harder or not even knowing enough to get past his walls, but it was too much of a risk. I was ultimately stuck, with all of the boys I had come up with explanations for their behavior easily, though Jisung seemed too innocent. Why have an alias when you're committing no crimes? Why be so secretive when there's nothing to hide? But that was exactly it. There IS something to hide.  

The blue light on my computer was starting to strain my eyes after going over my notes of the boys over and over. I was trying my hardest to make the connections I hadn't seen the first time, but nothing. I felt a little helpless but I still had options left.

Last week I bought a computer from the pawnshop, one of those Microsoft surface computers. When I had initially bought the computer they let me know the motherboard was completely busted, the previous owner had brought it in because of the infamous “Blue Screen of Death”. I thought it would be a fun side project and something to keep my mind busy, all things I desperately needed. 

After further inspection I noticed there were partially connected cables, improperly seated components, and electrical spikes and power surges. All causes for a motherboard to crash easily. I thought this would be an easy fix, though the tool I needed most was the one I didn't have. 

After school yesterday I thought I’d take the computer to the robotics club, thinking out of everyone they would be able to help with what I needed. When I had initially walked in the room none of the members were present, so at first I felt a little awkward walking in and using their tools without permission. I stood around the door for a few seconds hoping someone would show up, but atlas no one did. In my panic I decided, “Who’s going to notice?”.

After placing my personal computer and backpack on the table I began searching for the labeled baskets with the metal rods. I found the right size and started my work fixing my new motherboard. As I’m thinking back and retracing my footsteps I’m quite angry for being so careless with something as precious as my computer. Because ultimately I misplaced my computer and left it on the desk I was occupying. I wasn't so nervous someone would try and steal it because I was lucky enough to have my name engraved on the bottom right hand corner. Nor was I nervous that someone would be able to get into my computer, because just as I am able to get into peoples files, I am able to protect my own.

As embarrassing as it is, I was completely confident nothing would happen until it did. The next morning when I went to claim my lost belongings I noticed a strange file that had not been there the day before. The file wasn’t edited to have a name, only titled the the files location. I knew I was fucked the moment I clicked it and the file was nothing besides a yoga program. I was fucked because I don't do yoga, I am the furthest away from active. Someone installed a Trojan virus. 

Trojan viruses are a type of malware that invade your computer disguised as real, operational programs. Once a trojan is inside your system, it can perform destructive actions before you even know it’s there. Once inside, some trojans sit idly on your computer and wait for further instructions from its host hacker, but others begin their malicious activity right from the start. So whoever the fuck did this, did it for a purpose. They need something from me and that’s exactly what I needed to figure out. 

The robotics club became the first line of suspects from the start. Not only are they the only ones that could have had the opportunity to do this, seeing as though they meet early before school, but also the skill. That’s what led me here. Analyzing each member as if I’m the FBI, because I’m about to rain cyber hell on whoever is responsible. 

DING.

HI, INDIGOBUNNY. HAVE YOU DECIDED WHICH ONE OF US DID IT?

BTW YOU LOOK INSATIONALLY PRETTY TONIGHT:)

Who the fuck?!

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I hope you guys liked the first chapter of this new mini series I’m starting!! I really love this one from the bottom of my heart. Stay healthy Buns, I love you! As always here is a little visual of Jisung during this fanfic!

[ponycycle]

What's your biggest hyperfocus and how did you discover it?

I had to think on this for a minute because I wasn't sure if it was true anymore. If it wasn't this then it would be something like MLP or motorcycles (it was tempting to say motorcycles!).

I think it's fair to still say personal computers, though. I'm not sure about when my first contact with them was, but I know a major development was when my dad bought our first PC, an IBM AT clone. (I think I still have most of the parts for it!) I would have been like, 7-9 years old at the time and I was fascinated with it. I ended up breaking it as a kid, because I was trying to figure out what all the DOS 4.0 commands did by running them... when I got to FDISK I rendered it unbootable by pressing buttons. A friend of my father's recovered the situation (I think he used Norton Utilities to recreate the partition table).

I can name pretty much every PC that we had as a family or I had personally:

-Aforementioned IBM AT clone (8088 with a Tatung Hercules monitor, DOS 4.0) -386SX that came from who knows where (Went straight from orange Hercules to VGA colour!!! Windows 3.1) -Tandy 1000HX (long term loan from a friend) -Cyrix 586 (dogshit computer - had fake onboard cache, a common scam at the time, crashed constantly. Windows 95) -468DX4 (think I built this from scrounged parts. Win95, slower than the other PC but way more stable) -Pentium II 233 (also built from scrounged parts. First PC I overclocked, gaining 33 mHz! So fast!!! Windows 2000... but later got repurposed as a Linux-based router) -AMD Duron 800 (built with NEW parts - parents gave me a budget to built a family computer. Windows ... 98? XP? Probably changed multiple times) -AMD Athlon XP 1600 (built with NEW parts - I truly don't remember where I got the money in highschool to put it together, but it was probably every penny I had) -AMD Athlon 64 X2 4400+ (admittedly I didn't remember this offhand... but I did have the physical CPU lying around to check. bought off the shelf very cheap as old stock for my parents to use. Windows Vista. Later upgraded to an Phenom X4, also for very cheap. This PC still lives running Windows 10 today!) -Intel Core 2 Duo Q6700 (built in a cute Shuttle XPC chassis. Eventually burned out a RAM slot because apparently it wasn't rated for 2.0V DIMMs. Windows 7) -Intel Core i5-2500K (I used this computer for YEARS. Like almost a decade, while being overclocked to 4.4 gHz from nearly the first day I had it. Windows 7/10) -AMD 5800X (Currently daily driver. Windows 10)

Not mentioning laptops because the list is already long and you get the point.

I actually did attempt to have a computer related career - in the mid 2000s I went to a community college to get a programming diploma, but I dropped out halfway. There was a moment, in a class teaching the Windows GDI API, where I realized that I had no desire to do that professionally. I did learn things about SQL and OS/400 that randomly came in handy a few times in my life. I did go back and successfully get a diploma in networking/tech support but I've never worked a day in that field.

Unprofessionally though, I was "that guy" for most of my life - friend of a friend or family would have a problem with their PC, and I would show up and help them out. I never got to the point where I would attempt to like, re-cap somebody's motherboard, but I could identify blown caps (and there was a time when there was a lot of those). As the role of PCs has changed, and the hardware has gotten better, I barely ever get to do this kind of thing these days. My parent's PC gathers dust in the corner because they can do pretty much do everything they need on their tablets, which they greatly prefer.

Today though... I used to spend a lot of time reading about developments in PC hardware, architectural improvements, but it doesn't matter as much to me anymore. I couldn't tell you what the current generation of Intel desktop CPUs use for a socket without looking it up. A lot of my interest used to be gaming related, and to this day the GPU industry hasn't fully recovered from the crypto boom. Nearly all of the games I'm interested in play well on console so I just play them there. I still fiddle with what I have now and then.

It is fun to think back on various challenges/experiences with it I've had over the years (figuring out IRQ/DMA management when that was still manual, Matsushita CD-ROM interfaces, trying to exorcise the polymorphic Natas virus from my shit). Who knows, maybe I'll get to curate a PC museum of all this shit someday haha.

[theancientdarkbeauty]

Update On This Bitch Ass MF

Alright, my brain is short circuiting, and I'm just screaming into the void rn so, update ahead, enter if you dare (update under cut cause it's a little liggity long)

So, you didn't know unless you were there during the "My computer didn't fucking work" era that started my big ol' hiatus, but I got a new computer (woo hoo! :D) and it was working perfectly. Emphasis on WAS. Turns out, living in the country, I'm too close to town to get to get rural wifi, which is fast as shit, and too far away to get town wifi, which is somehow even faster? Anyways, I knew of this problem when I moved into the house, but it's my family's homestead, I moved here when I was in highschool, yadiyadaya, no need for fast wifi just a couple years ago. HOWEVER! Now that I have a crazy good computer (I'm talking liquid cooled, built it myself, named it TheBeast) I need at least alright wifi, right? Well RECENTLY it's gotten WORSE! Somehow, it got worse than it already was! Which means, and keep in mind, I got petty enough to time it, but this delay in wifi has caused me to wait up to 14. WHOLE. MINUTES. Yes, you read that right: 1. 4. Obviously I'm not gonna just deal with that without, you know, being a little bitch. I have a new wifi provider that I'm going to be testing soon. Hopefully, cross your finger dear reader, I can stop waiting 14 minutes for my college work to load. Oh yeah, I got college stuff to do, specifically taking a creative class because I thought I was out of practice in writing. It's actually really helped! But, the topic, wifi, is that the new router should be here by Wednesday, and I should be able to test it out, maybe fix some errors and stuff that have been happening due to slow wifi.

So, wifi segment over. If you read this far, thanks. I really only made this because I'm frustrated af rn, so reading me type out my rage is something you didn't need to do, so thanks. BUT WAIT! THERE'S FUCKING MORE! (At least in the bad new segment, good news is at the very end, sorry!)

PAYDAY. 3. Hot topic right now, right? Well I had been tying to sign in for A FULL WEEK! SEVEN FUCKING DAYS! I did everything, like, legitimately everything, but caved at 4 days, and contacted the Nebula help line thing. Everyone was very nice, the costumer service was great, a tiny bit slow towards the end, but they had a good reason. I told them what was going on, they were very nice, accidently gave them the wrong Nebula Starbreeze account at first because I'm dyslexic as fuck, still very nice, much better than my conversation with like, the EA or Epic helplines (very long story), and eventually they got to the root of the problem. My problem was that it kept giving me a Nebula Data Configuration Error, every time I booted up the game. Tried everything, like I said earlier. They get to me 3 days after I told them all my special information and all the steps I took to try and troubleshoot on my own. You wanna know what they told me? Of course you do you've read this far. Let me preface this with the fact that I am just mad, and they were very polite about this, and the team is doing the best I can I'm absolutely sure, BUT THEY TOLD ME IT WAS SUCH A SPECIALIZED ERROR THEY NEEDED TO PATCH IT IN THE NEXT UPDATE! Now, I don't know if this was intentional, but they gave me the rough date for the update, but I don't know if it's the real big one everyone's waiting for, so I'm not going to tell you guys because I value their mysteriousness and don't want leak something that starbreeze was only telling me to let me know when to try and play the game again so that I can contact them if it didn't work. I don't know, it'd probably be super cool to be known as the user who knew when the update would come out, but it feels wrong to leak something like that if it is the correct date for the big update and stuff. So now I'm stuck, just listening to Gustavo Coutinho's fucking banner music for Payday 3 from youtube and not being able to watch the gameplay and stuff. And I heard there were cutscenes? CUTSCENES?! I am so excited to see those. WHEN I CAN PLAY THE GAME. (I feel like that one Fair Odd Parents meme omg)

Final update: Fun stuff!

Working on redesigning EVERY. SINGLE. CHARACTER. That has ever left the recesses of my mind for an upcoming comic I'm gonna try and make, once the whole wifi situation is fixed. Working on the new chapter of The Golden Tempest (I almost posted this with it's "inside name" hehe, too bad you'll never know what the files are called), and working on From the Eyes of the Payday Gang, or at least trying to. I'm thinking of doing a grocery store worker at the grocery store the Payday gang all has to take turns going to the store but whole store knows that they're all like a family or some shit because they are all idiots and all use the same car because it's not in the fucking budget to get another car, so they have the escape van and the "family car" and that's it. Holy shit that was a weird lore tangent, but anyways, comic maybe coming, Payday related content definitely coming, some more surprises and goodies in the works, so expect this account to be much more active. Today is the first day off I've in I don't know how long, but a long time, and so just expect some text stuff from me, since my computer can't apparently handle doing anything on CSP because of the wifi situation. Sorry for the long post, have a wonderful day!

Real quick: SHOUT OUT TO THE MUTUAL DECPACEETOES! I DO NOT THINK I SPELLED THAT RIGHT! ALWAYS GOT MY BACK MAN!

(Bonus, if I do anything that involves my person life, I'll add the tag "You're creature speakith", so if you wanna see more of this in the future, follow the tag. Don't like it, never want to see it again, block that shit, I totally understand either way. All my funny or creative prompts will have my signature turtle smile on them. You know, this guy: :} Which is perhaps an homage to the TMNT fandom, or perhaps my herpetology nerd shining through, you will never know, will you?)

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

[sad-boy-mono]

Highschool Casualties

Chapter 5/?

Masterpost with Ao3 link 

Word Count- 3,447

Ao3 link

A/N OK HOLY FUCK. Y'all, I'm so sorry this took so long to make. Not only did I have my own issues going on, but I had so much trouble deciding where I wanted to go with this chapter. Not only did I not know what to do with the story, but also I trouble trying to figure out how I wanted to word certain things and never felt just right. Even now as I'm posting this, I'm not 100% happy with this chapter, but I think it's the best I can do. So having said that, please enjoy!

“SHAYNE WAIT-” Damien was cut off by a small tone, indicating Shayne hung up on him.

“Shayne?” He pulled his phone away from his ear and looked at the screen.

“God-” Damien moaned as he slammed his hands against the bathroom stalls.

“-Damn it Shayne!” Damien dialed Shayne’s number again.

“Come on, Shayne, please, pick up.” Damien pleaded.

“Hey you’ve reached the number of Shayne Topp! I can’t talk-”

Damien hung up the phone with a huff, and began typing.

Damien

Shayne please

What’s going on?

What happened?

Are you ok?

Is someone hurt?

Are you hurt?

Please

Get back to me soon

At least tell me if you’re ok

Damien stared at his phone as he pealed out of the bathroom and went to his next class: English. He only had to wait out that class until lunch, where he would see Shayne. 

===

Damien entered the classroom, and all eyes turned to him.

"Oh Mr. Haas, glad you could show up. Go ahead and take your seat." His teacher, Mr. Hecox, said, pointing to the empty spot where Damien sat.

Damien nodded, silently thanking him for not making a scene of him being late, and walked over to the desk, keeping his head down.

He got to his seat and pulled out his phone once again. Glancing down at it anytime his teacher wasn’t looking, only partially listening to what Mr. Hecox was saying. 

It was about 10 minutes into his class when he noticed something. Shayne had read his messages. And he was typing. The three dots on his screen showing up and disappearing. His heart was racing.

Shayne

I’ll explain at lunch

And I’m okay for the most part

Damien

For the most part?!

Shayne what happened?!?!

Shayne

Lunch Damien

Damien

Fine

Damien slipped his phone into his bag. His mind was put to little ease, but he just had to wait out this one class. That shouldn’t be to hard. 

Just one class.

===

“Alright class, we have about... 8 minutes of left, and in that time you guys are gonna go ahead and turn in your essays!” Mr. Hecox said as some of the class dug through their bags, others asked if they could quickly print off their essays (which Mr. Hecox reluctantly agreed to). 

“Alright and um, Damien can you go ahead and collect those for me, please?” Mr. Hecox asked, Damien replying with a quiet ‘sure’. “Thank you! And if you could place them on my desk when you’re done that would be great.”

The rest of the class sat quietly. Some people reading a book, others on their phone. The only sounds in the room being Mr. Hecox typing on his computer, and Damien walking around the classroom.

“Thank you Damien!” Mr. Hecox said as Damien placed down the small stack of papers on his desk. He lowered his voice as he continued to speak, “And before you head for lunch, I’d like to speak with you.”

“O-ok.” Damien mumbled, and walked back to his seat. 

Damien stared at the clock. Only 4 minutes until lunch. He just had to wait 4 minutes.

Tick

3 minutes

Tick

2 minutes

Tick

1 minute

Tick

The bell rung throughout the halls. The class stood up and swung their bags over their shoulders. As his classmates robotically walked out of the room, Damien dragged himself to Mr. Hecox’s desk.

This better be quick. I don’t have time for this.

“Yes?” Damien asked, with an annoyed tinge in his voice. It wasn’t like Damien hated his teacher, no that wasn’t the case. He quite liked his english teacher, but he had somewhere to be. And whatever his teacher needed to talk to him about wasn’t nearly as important as getting to Shayne.

“Thanks for staying, I’ll make this quick since I know you want to head to lunch,”

Thank god.

“I’ve noticed that your grade in this class dropping over the course of this month. You’re not turning things in on time if you turn them in at all.”

“Ok?” Damien asked. They weren’t to far into the month, so it was hard to understand the concern.

“I was wondering if there was anything going on at home, or in your personal life. Because you’re usually really active in this class, one of my best students.”

“Well, um thanks... But I guess I've just been sort of busy..." 

It wasn't exactly a lie, Damien had been sort of busy. But in less of a 'I have so many activities going on in my life right now," and in more of a 'Wow I'm so tired and my head hurts all the time :D' kind of way.

“What’s been going on?”

Shit

“Uh, it’s sort of hard to explain. Kinda just a few things that built up these few weeks. Yeah sorry, again, sort of hard to explain. My brain kind of refuses to work when I’m hungry.” Damien hinted, fidgeting with cuff of his sleeve.

“Oh, um, yeah, alright. I’ll let you head to lunch in one second.” Mr. Hecox grabbed a notebook from under his desk, writing a few things down before turning his attention back to Damien.

“So, how does this sound; I let you go for now, and if things still seem to be doing pretty low, and not just in your grades, I’ll check back in with you next Friday. Okay?”

“Yeah, sound good to me.” Damien said, shifting his weight between his feet.

Alright! Then in the meantime you are good to go! Have a good day Mr. Haas!”

“You too, Mr. Hecox.”

Damien gave a slight wave before leaving the room.

===

Damien ran out of the classroom and down to the cafeteria. Speeding by groups of kids and teachers telling him to walk.

If I’m doing pretty low, and not just in my grades? What does that even mean? Ok you know what, it doesn’t matter. Maybe he just noticed that I’m tired or something, fuck if I know. God, stop thinking about it, that isn’t the concern right now, Damien! Just get to Shayne.

Once he got closer to the lunchroom, he stopped running and pulled out his phone. Shayne messaged him.

Shayne

Meet me in the elevator room near the caf

The one they closed down, not the new one.

Well I guess there’s no other Elevators near the caf

Ok it doesn’t matter you know what I meant

Meet me in the old elevator room.

Damien let out a small breath from his nose, amused at Shayne’s always amazing texting skills. He shoved his phone into his pocket and changed his direction to the elevator. 

He sped to the elevator, walking past more groups of students, many giving him a strange look as he went. Damien’s was heart racing harder than ever. Shayne wasn’t one to cause this type of panic. He was usually very straight to the point if he had any issues going on. And with that in mind, Damien realized how dire the situation must be. 

He walked inside, and there he saw Shayne, leaning against the wall inside.

“Oh thank god,” Damien walked into the room and gave Shayne a hug, “dude you had me so worried! I thought you were hurt.”

“Y-yeah, sorry, I-I’m fine.” Shayne said weakly, barely reciprocating.

“Ok, now-” Damien dropped his arms from Shayne, ”-what happened? Is there a reason that Courtney can’t know about this or-”

“She can know about it! And she’s probably gonna f-find out what happened soon...” Shayne mumbled, his voice wavering at the end. 

“And that’s not the point, Damien, but last time I checked, Courtney didn’t call me because she heard what I was thinking in her dream?! Dude how the-what in the- how?” Shayne asked, his hands on the back of his head, a hand occasionally running through his hair. He kept his head down, averting his eyes from Damien's. And Damien didn’t see it before, but Shayne wasn’t himself. 

“Shayne I-I don’t even know what happened!” Damien retorted, a creak coming from the door to the room as it began to close. “And this isn’t the first time I’ve called you because I’ve had a weird nightmare before!”

“Yeah? Tell me the last time you called me because of a nightmare, Damien. Better yet, tell me why you called me.”

Damien opened his mouth, the words getting caught in his through when he realized when it was. 

With a sigh Damien continued. “A few months ago...”

“And why did you call me?”

With another sigh, Damien answered. “We were in the danganronpa universe... and Courtney killed you with a creeper... While Revenge was playing...” Damien admitted, his voice slowly getting more mumbled with his explanation.

“Yeah you weren’t exactly dreaming the most realistic!”

“You have to admit it was kinda funny though.” Damien said, voice still mumbled.

“Yeah it was... But now is not the time for that!”

“Right, sorry.”

“And stop trying to change the subject! How did you know what happened?!” Shayne snapped.

“Shayne, for the love of god. I. Don’t. Know. All I said was that I heard you, and you sounded freaked out. I even asked you what happened when I called you. You said you would tell me at lunch! And I’ve spent the last period wondering what happened to you!”

“But how did you hear me?!” Shayne asked again, desperate for an answer to this strange situation.

“If I knew, I would’ve told you! So please, just fucking tell me what happened!” Damien snapped. 

“OK! Fine! I...” Shayne paused, trying to find the right words.

“I almost killed a someone.”

“WHAT?!” Damien put his hands over his mouth, taking a step back. Shock filling his eyes. 

Ok, should’ve taken a bit more time to think about the wording there, Shayne.

Damien took his hands off his mouth and tried to force words out. A sentence, a question, anything. The only thing to come out were small croaks. 

“Ok no, not killed, I didn’t do that, h-he’s going to be fine. He’s just, Injured? Concussed?” Shayne explain quickly, still trying to find the best way to word this.

“Hurt badly.” Shayne settled on.

“Okay h-how did this happen? Did you trip him or- don’t tell you got into a fight!” Damien’s eyes changed from shock, back to worry. 

“What! No! I’m not like that anymore dude! You know I-I wouldn’t do that!”

“I know! I do! It’s just... How else could this have happened?”

“O-okay so it’s gonna be hard to believe, but you have to trust me. Please.” Shayne, for the first time this conversion, looked Damien dead in the eyes as he pleaded.

“Yeah of course!”

Shayne went on to explain the incident once more, being more detailed than in his previous explanations, though still jumbled up in the troubling nature of what happened. He was shaky, and stuttering. 

“Oh.” Damien replied once Shayne concluded the story. 

“Yeah...”

There was a beat of silence before either of them spoke again.

“A-are you sure he didn’t just... trip? When you hit him?” Damien asked cautiously. 

“Th-there’s no way! It looked like-” 

“I know what it probably looked like.” Damien cut off. “But are you sure you’re not just... misremembering?”

“N-no, I know what I saw! You don’t fly back like that when you trip Damien!”

“Yes I get that but-”

“You said you would trust me on this, Damien!” Shayne said, his voice cracking as he spoke more. Eyes welling up.

“I know! And I do! I do-I really do. It’s just...” Damien sighed, trying to collect his thoughts. “Adrenaline was running, a lot was happening, and it was probably hard to think clearly. Everything might’ve looked more dramatic than it was.”

Shayne stood their in silence, opening his mouth as if he was trying to speak, but no words were coming out. He wiped the tear from his eye.

He’s right

“Yeah. And I’m not trying to like, dismiss your feelings, it’s just... ya know... You’re strong, but not exactly super human strong. No one is.” Damien said, letting out a dry chuckle. 

“Ok how are you doing that?” Shayne barked.

“Doing what?” Damien asked, taken aback by the sudden harshness Shayne was exuding.

“Am I speaking? Because I swear I thought that last thing in my head.” 

“D-did you not just say something?” 

“No, I didn’t! How are you doing that!”

“Doing what?!” Damien asked, panic flooding his voice and mind.

“It’s been happening all day! I’ve just thought I was saying things aloud accidentally! But it’s like you’re reading my mind!” Shayne’s tone was getting more accusatory. Like he was calling Damien out for a crime. 

“Shayne, come on, you know that’s impossible-”

“Oh and I was literally thinking earlier ‘haha maybe Damien’s reading my mind! Wouldn’t that be funny? Just like the whole joke people have! But nooo there’s no way! I’m probably just more tired than I though!” Shayne lashed.

“C’mon Shayne, are you sure you’re not overthinking this? We already established that today’s been a little off for you.” Damien said, but he sounded unsure of himself. Like he didn’t truly believe what he was saying himself.

“Oh don’t try and change the subject back to me. And things haven’t been off with me all day, just since gym. You on the other hand,” Shayne took a step towards Damien. “Have been acting very off this entire day.”

“I mean, I’m tired dude. Not getting enough sleep does that to you!” Damien said quietly, trying to rationalize his behavior. 

“Oh so not getting enough sleep means you're able to reply to the things I think in my head?” Shayne questioned, taking another step towards Damien.

“But that’s impossible, when has that ever happened?” Damien asked softly, his voiced was laced anxiety. He slowly taking a step away from Shayne.

“Oh? Maybe on the way to school?” 

Shayne’s took a step closer.

“Or when we met up with Courtney?” 

And he was being so loud.

“Or when I was walking you to the nurse’s office?” 

He sounded so angry.

“Or how about when you where able to know what I was thinking, in your fucking dream!” 

“OK!” Damien shouted. The lights flickered, and the clock on the wall cracked. 

Damien backed away from Shayne (who was standing no more than a foot away from him), his arms covering his head as he curled in on himself. 

“I-i get it! Just stop yelling! Please.” Damien kept backing up until he was against the wall. He slid down, choking back a sob. 

Shayne stood in shock, and realization. He hurt his best friend. Things were, literally and figuratively, falling apart.

“Damien I-”

“I know! I-I know. Don’t apologize. I-it’s my fault. The reason you wanted to talk was so you could tell me what happened. This was suppose to be about you, I made it about me. I-I don’t know why I’m upset. I should’ve been less selfish.” Damien hid his head further into the security of his arms. Tears streaming down his face.

Guilt creeping up on Shayne as he stared at his friend. He didn’t know what else to do, so he slid down and sat a few feet away from Damien. Close enough to be able to comfort Damien, but far enough away where he could reject his presence if he needed to.

“This wasn’t your fault.” Shayne said, looking blankly at the broken clock

Damien lifted his head slightly to look at Shayne. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean this wasn’t your fault. There isn’t much behind it.” Shayne chuckled sadly “I pushed it. I was... angry? Confused? I think confused is more accurate, but that doesn’t matter.”

Damien shrugged, he didn’t really have much to say at the moment.

“And you didn’t make this about you,” Shayne continued. “I did. I brought you up. If I wanted this to be one sided, I would’ve just told you what happened over the phone. But I wanted to know what happened on your end.”

“Yeah I guess...”

“And we figured out the situation that’s going on with me. He probably just tripped. But there’s something going on with you. I think it’s more than you being sleep deprived.”

Damien nodded. “Yeah...”

“And I think I know what’s going on.”

“Sure, but I don’t.”

“Damien I think you do, you just don’t want to face it.” Shayne softly said.

Damien sighed and shrugged his shoulders, taking seclusion in his arms once more.

They sat in tense silence, unknowing to the amount of time that had passed due to destruction caused by Damien.

“Shayne?” Damien whispered, pulling his head up to face Shayne once again.

“What’s up?” Shayne replied, the casualness of his response clashing with the tension the situation held.

“I-I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

Damien shook his head, running a hand over his face and through his hair. He was at a loss.

“Honestly, I-I don’t know. I just- I thought I was going crazy? I guess? I mean, heh, maybe I am. For all I know, I'm over at your house, still spending the night over, a-and I just haven’t woken up yet. This is all just a bad dream...”

Shayne chuckled, “Wasn’t the last time you slept over like a month ago? That’s a really strange time to pick.”

“Well, that was before... stuff happened.”

“Stuff? What kind of stuff?” Shayne asked, scooting closer to Damien.

“The stuff you said.”

“Well, I never really said anything.”

“But, you know what I mean...”

“Damien, is there something I should know about? Did something happen to cause this?”

“No, nothing caused this! And that’s why I feel like I’m losing it! I don’t exactly have any sort of explanation for why this is happening! I just woke up one day feeling like shit, everything was super fucking loud, and my head hurt all the time; and I kept hearing shit when nothing was being said so I was paranoid all the time and it sucks!” Damien rambled, frustration building up in his voice.

Shayne’s expression morphed into one of concern. “Dude, I had no idea! Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“B-because I thought it would go away! I thought it was only temporary!” Damien let out a shaky breath. “I sure as hell didn’t expect this to happen.”

Shayne stared at Damien and scooted closer until the two sat with their knees touching. He put his arm around Damien and pulled him into a side hug. 

“I don’t think anyone could have predicted something like this.” Shayne said, rubbing Damien’s shoulder.

“I mean, you guys would always joke that I’m psychic.” Damien laid his head on Shayne’s shoulder.

“Well, yeah. But that was only because you were good at guessing stuff.”

“Fair enough. Still kinda funny though. That y’all were right.” 

“Yeah, well, god works in mysterious ways.”

“Oh fuck off.” Damien said, poking Shayne in the side.

“Hehey! I was kidding! Stohop!” Shayne laughed, batting at Damien’s hand.

“Uh huh, suuuuuure.” Damien teased, poking Shayne a few more times before stopping.

The two sat quietly for a moment before Damien started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Shayne asked.

“It just hit me, how fucking weird this situation is.” Damien explained in between laughs. “Like, I have super powers for christ sake!” 

It didn’t take long for Shayne to join his laughter.

“Oh, man, Damien, we gotta have a super hero training montage!” 

“Oh hell yeah!”

“Like, my workout playlist already has a montage-y vibes to it!”

“Dude we have to do this!”

“Dude, can we do it after school?”

“Yes, I’m so down!”

“Hell yeah!”

The two high-fived, interlocking fingers as they brought their arms down.

“God, this is all crazy.” Damien said with a sigh.

“Yeah, but we should probably head to lunch now.” Shayne removed his arm from Damien’s shoulder and stood up.

“Oh shit, yeah.” Damien said, doing the same.

As the two walked out of the room, Damien couldn’t help but notice that Shayne still seemed somewhat off. When he tried to listen to his thoughts, he noticed how tense it felt. Like Shayne was actively trying not to think about something that was very clearly on his mind. Every few seconds, a word would slip out and it was imminently suppressed. It wouldn’t just fade away, it was like if someone was talking and a hand was put over their mouth. The more Damien tried to do it, the bigger his headache got, until he decided to just stop. Shayne probably just didn’t want Damien to know about it yet, but he would tell him eventually.

Right?

A/N: That little creeper aw man danganronpa story is based on something that actually happened to me! One of my friends called me because I was killed via ‘creeper aw man’ by our other friend in a dream he had. I thought it was funny so yeah

[twilightvolt]

Well....that was one way to start a new decade, i guess. >  >’

Ok, from the death and destruction to the quarantine caused by viral disease to large parts of the world literally going up in flames, this year was like an ominous beginning that revealed the true ugly colors of everyone around us.

But there’s something telling me that that was just the universe releasing all of it’s built up rage from the last decade, so to think on the bright side, the only way to go is up now, right?

Regardless, pushing all the crap that happened this year aside, this feels like one of my best years yet in terms of art. i don’t think there’s any wedge of this clock that i wasn’t completely satisfied with and i had a TON of tough decisions on what to put in said wedges cuz i just luved almost everything i’ve created this year.

If you’re up to it, i’ll have my usual month to month reflection under the cutoff, but if you’re not, i hope to keep giving y’all even better art next year! ^  ^

So without further ado, let’s review!

January: ~ Days ~

Runner up: Team Solar Rises Again! (drawing in celebration of PMD finally returning with a remake of the first game)

Kicking off right where 2019 left off, i was hot on the heels of my Beastars phase, still cranking out countless drawings and doodles, mostly featuring Legoshi, and even hanging around the Beastars Amino and making some new friends there. this piece in particular i think encapsulates what i was mostly doing at the time, making up stories and stuff within canon to give myself more wolf boi content. which is something that i rarely do normally since i’ve mostly just done OC related writing before this.

February: - Sk8ter Wolf -

Runner up: Re:Hukaro (That thing i drew for Moon)

Ahh yes, the day i peaked with punk rock energy and created something in a highschool notebook sketch style. ngl, with the release of Beastars’ english dub on the way and the fandom quickly growing, i felt like i was on fire with the amount of stuff i was drawing. i felt so inspired and things can’t possibly go bad.

Or can it?

March: We Can Be Heroes

Runner up: One More Day, Emo Bird Boi Sketchies

Ahh yes, the month the worldwide quarantine started because they discovered the virus around this time. from this point onward, time pretty much meant absolutely nothing since i was stuck indoors for a majority of the year, only going out if i had to. on top of that, i tried a little attempt at a fandub and got picked on immediately by yahoos on Youtube. it...wasn’t fun.

I tried doing a little challenge i made up called Animarch where i drew a drawing representing anime i liked every day, but i only got about 5 days in i think? ehh, whatever. i did try, so that means something. lol

April: - ANOTHER SIDE -

Runner up: BEAST CROSSING ~Legoshi & Raymond

This was pretty much the final month i drew anything Beastars related as i slowly started shifting back to Pokemon due to the wait for season 2. but not before getting the new Animal Crossing and drawing a thing with Raymond and Legoshi that would blow up with hundreds of notes and interactions across every platform i posted it on. lmao

Regardless, i feel like Another Side was a perfect way to end that phase of my art journey. it’s like a nice finale to a long string of ideas that i will totally return to once season 2 drops next year.

May: - KOUJI -

Runner up: Fashion (that sketch of Alex and Jet in casual clothing)

What happened this month again? oh right, i went back to Digimon for a hot minute cuz i continued playing the copy of Cyber Sleuth Complete that i won from a giveaway on Twitter and created Alex and Jet, my latest Tamer and her Hawkmon partner. i should really do some more stuff with them.

ANYWAY,

June: - DOUBLE TROUBLE -

Runner up: “No Time to Waste! HENSHIN!” (AF attack against IonicIsaac on Twitter), Cafe Mix ~Ace, Yagami, Lance and Seliph

Art Fight. third year. and this time i kicked things up a notch and beat my old record from last year!...after uhh....cramming in 8 attacks at the very last night and totally going insane from the amount of sleep i lost. ^  ^’

But trust me when i say i will NOT do that again next year, i swear.

July: Squad Up

Runner up: Comin’ Out to Stun (Jet the Hawk sketches)

So after playing and beating PMDX, i started fleshing out Lance and Selpih’s characters and made more art and stories surrounding them and the rest of the team. one of those being a drawing for Mystery Dungeon Day, which happens the day after Odaiba Day. which is in August. why did i put this down for July then? some questions just don’t need to be answered.

August: - TOGETHER -

Runner up: In the Storm

You can tell by now just how uneventful life was this year cuz i have literally nothing else to talk about other than the art parts. no life issues, no big adventures like moving or something. just....indoor stuff.

It’s...kinda sad, now that i think about it. but hey, at least i was making the most of my time, trying new things and getting around a bit more.

September: Small World

Runner up: Rescue Together, PMD Forever!, Midnight Adventuring, Down Time

So this year, i turned 21, which a lotta people say is important. not really, if you can’t do much i guess. though, i did crank out a ton of art i’m super satisfied with as you can see by how hard it was to frickin’ pick one to use for this month’s wedge on the clock.

October: Feathers of the Shadows

Runner up: PAPERMOON - Final Mix - (not picked because it’s a touch up of an older drawing)

Hoo boi, this month was crazy. cuz i drew a whole lotta e d g e .....and a whole lotta Murkrow. lol

It was fun letting my inner edgelord out this month. even if nothing really significant happened in reality.

November: ~ One More Game ~

Runner up: UPokerap Project: Frogadier, - LEAF STORM -

This month....was actually kinda rough. it was basically me falling into a depressive episode after a scare at the dentist made me worry about my self image and insecurities again. but this time it really hit me just how much permanent damage i’ve done to myself in that aspect of my appearance. i know i shouldn’t worry so much, but it’s not great when people tell you to smile when the most i can do is grin since i’m just so....unhappy with my teeth.

But then around the end of the month, i stumbled upon a Pokemon themed Discord server with people that made me feel....not as alone as i suddenly felt i was. which i’m glad i could meet them even after only knowing them for a month now. if they’re reading this, i hope you know i’m thankful for raising my spirits when there’s still things i just can’t do due to financial issues.

December: Colors of the Heart  + Happy Holidays! ~Grovyle ver.

Runner up: ~ After the Battle ~ (the two part KHII anniversary drawing), - XIII -, Sketchmon: Buizel

And now this month. on top of my insecurities, i’ve now been struggling with my frustration with not being noticed as much as i should, watching as some people quickly climb up in following when i’m going much slower. honestly, i feel like the months when everything started lightening up for the world....was when things started falling apart for me. yeah, i know. pretty depressing way to end, huh? i hit 300 before the year ended thanks to the support from my new friends though, so i’m actually pretty happy.

But that doesn’t mean i’m not still scared of the future. i mean i have my teeth to worry about and also my wisdom teeth are coming in. so next few months...might be kinda rough.

Though, that’s not to say i didn’t soldier through it. this month i pushed myself, plowed through as many commissions as i could get to raise money for my new computer and made some of the best drawings that to me, feel like a great accomplishment. even if a couple of them weren’t as grandiose as some of my previous work. it was a big step forward for me as an artist. at least in my eyes.

And i have a feeling....that it can only get better from here.

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Just A Fan

Oc writing. I just really wanted to post the first part because I’m really proud of it. Like it? Let me know & ill share more of it 💕

Fic jumps between Cherry & Seto’s POV

W! This is going to be a kidnapped fic. SFW. (For the most part. No sex) its a different take. Instead of the fan being obsessed its the comic book artist.

Super Big Comic Con was was always in September, the last weekend of the month where all the fans and collectors gathered to share interest and spend all their money on prints, comics and whatever else they could find. Cherry had to rush through her homework the week before so she could focus on the con and only the con. She was a junior in highschool studying editing and art. She was a popular girl with everybody but she really preferred her own space to think and work on her ideas. One day she wanted to work at a comic book company in the editing department. Her name was Cher but she liked to be called Cherry. Cherry was about 5’4 with long cherry red hair and her fashion was usually lose tops with overalls and sneakers, she was thin with a tiny waistline and always had eyeliner on with little wings. She had a lip ring that was a shiny silver and a eyebrow piercing in her right brow to match. She always carried herself with confidence and opportunity. She had been saving up for the hotel so she could attend the con all weekend and it was finally time.

——-

Seto was just getting ready to leave his house to make his way to the convention. He checked all his rooms, his locks and finally his basement. It made him frown as he leaned on the stairway looking in on the empty room; it consisted of a fuzzy carpet, an expensive dresser, an even more expensive computer and a brand new art tablet. This was his ‘inspiration room’ but lately… it was missing what inspired him the most.

He sat down on the bottom step with his elbows on his knees as he scanned around the room he put so much money into, he was a very tall man, lanky and an even 6’1 with jet black hair he liked to keep long.

The windows were small and high up, one on each wall. He got up with a slouch not bothering to fix his short hairs in his eyes as he sulked to the little area under his stairs. It had a small wall so you could not see inside and a door with a lock on it. He lightly kicked the door open leaning forward to peek in, his hands in his pockets. It was the same carpet with a small tv built into the wall and a makeshift bed that looked like just blankets that were sitting comfortably on some chains that were attached to the wall. He needed a new inspiration, he was lonely. Poor guy, all those comics he drew for could not fill the empty hole in his heart

Cherry had packed her bag into her car along with some clothes for the hotel and was ready to go. She got in the driver's seat and left her hometown for the next city over on her way to Super Big Comic Con. It was a long drive, maybe an hour and a half but she checked into her room around mid afternoon and could still catch the first day of the con if she hurried.

The first thing Cherry wanted to do was walk the con and see what it had to offer. It was always a delight for her, comics, artists, figures, cosplayers, writers all in one place. She bought some prints and asked some artist for advice that would help her with her career choice. Most artist were very nice and told her its a great place to work which really boosted her confidence. Cherry was making her way through the con looking for one particular comic artist. He was her favorite and she had all of his books and even his special edition sketch books. His pen name was Kidd Nathers but he usually went by Kidd for short. He always showed up whenever he wanted which normally meant towards the end of the day. He always did it this way, his real fans would wait around for him. Made picking out his inspiration easy.

——

Seto sulked through the con, hands in his pockets and eyes half lidded. He loathed these cons to be painfully honest. Too many people congesting the walkways and fake fans trying to get free art. He was nearing his mid 30s and just had no time for it. Long hours of editing, drawing with no pay off. Sure he got paid very well but what's the point if he had no one to spend it on right? Seto was approaching his table to see one person waiting near it. Just one fan ? well okay. Looks pretty legit.

Seto slid down into his chair laying his arms on the booth and sorting out all of his prints with sticky notes on each one with a set price. He did not do deals, too many hagglers and what not. He ran a bony hand through his hair watching this girl check her phone a few times while she looked around. Must not know he sneaked up.

“Looking for me?” his voice had a tickle in it along with a subtle tease. His smile creeped up his face too.

Cherry jumped nearly dropping her phone, the little cherry phone keychain dangling around in the air . her hair whipped around and Seto raised an eyebrow once he saw her face, that smile once she realized who was talking to her. Eyeliner, piercings, that hair.. He rested his cheek on his palm while his free hand tapped his booth. “Sorry i'm late, i didn't want to come. “ he said with a cheeky smile.

“Kidd!!!” Cherry hurried over placing her hands on the booth with a big smile on her face that made her lip ring shine in the light. “Oh my gosh your here! I was beginning to think you would skip this time around but something told me to wait it out , i love your work!!!”

Awww .. you're so nice. “Thank you ,I'm flattered” he tapped his index finger on his face under his eye. “Big fan, I take it? And i show up when i want but it appears you already know that “ he told her , leaning back to stretch. He was wearing a long white top with a stretched out neck with black jeans and boots.

Cherry could not hide her blush; she was so excited. “I just!!! I watch all your interviews, well . I read them since I know you said once you don't like in person interviews but you said you like to show up late to cons or not go at all. Im happy your here, if its any recollection, i love your work and its made my whole day to see you let alone talk to you. What you do is truly amazing.”

Seto folded his arms behind his head letting out a soft laugh and a big smile. He was touched by her words it gaver him a pleasant high , something he had not had in awhile. It was only the first day of this con and he was already feeling a … connection.

“Thank you, that means the world to me, these cons are a hit or miss for me, its the only time i really leave the house.” he faked a laugh .

“Aw cmon! Surely you go out!”She teased while looking through his prints.

“Okay okay” he leaned on his booth with his arms folded while smiling up at her, “ya caught me” he was lying. “See anythin ya like…?”

“Cher!! But i go by Cherry! And well. Everything but i only have maybe $80 left so i can only get one print.”

Cherry….. “Thats a nice name and nickname, pick whichever you want and ill sign it for you Cherry”

Cherry had picked a jester girl with a chain around her neck with a big hammer behind her back . Seto signed it for her and even put it in a print holder for her,

“Thank you!” she beamed while looking at the print.

“My pleasure”

“Will you uh be here tomorrow and sunday?” she asked looking at him.

“Mmm.. yeah, i will. Just for you “ Seto teased, poking at the girls arm.

Cherry giggled and waved goodbye to the comic book artist leaving Seto all alone. He felt good inside, this feeling in his chest was telling him something. Should be an interesting Convention for once.

[buckyisabigmood]

Basic Character Questions

First name? Hera

Surname? Kane (Murphy?)

Middle names? Lee

Nicknames? (Murphy?)

Date of birth? 9/24/02

Age? 18

 

Physical / Appearance

Height? 5'6"

Weight? 125lbs

Build? thin, muscular

Hair colour? dark brown, curly

Hair style? bun

Eye colour? grey

Eye Shape? almond

Glasses or contact lenses? reading glasses, night glasses

Distinguishing facial features? n/a

Which facial feature is most prominent? nose

Which bodily feature is most prominent? hair

Other distinguishing features? height

Skin? fair, tanning

Hands? average

Make up? occasional; sharp cat eye, foundation, dark lips, blush, dark eyeshadow

Scars? inner left bicep, mid back across spine, right wrist

Birthmarks? oval inside of right knee

Tattoos? various across entire body

Physical handicaps? bad right hip, fibromyalgia, migraines, chronic fatigue, overall worn joints

Type of clothes? men's button ups, men's dress clothes, vintage men's and women's attire

How do they wear their clothes? tucked in, loose fitting

What are their feet like? (type of shoes, state of shoes, socks, feet, pristine, dirty, worn, etc) callused feet, hammer toes. men's shoes, 6in heels, oxfords, good quality

Race / Ethnicity? caucasian, Irish heritage

Mannerisms? leg bouncing, lip biting, sitting with leg propped, limp on right side

Are they in good health? no

Do they have any disabilities? not legally

 

Personality

What words or phrases do they overuse? like, probably, uh, I mean

Do they have a catchphrase? indeed

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? pessimist, though tries to encourage optimism in others

Are they introverted or extroverted? ambivert

Do they ever put on airs? no

What bad habits do they have? zoning out, talking too fast, not sleeping, not eating enough, binge eating

What makes them laugh out loud? whose line, crush flattering them

How do they display affection? compliments, affectionate touches, mock insults

Mental handicaps? depression, anxiety, overthinking, slight adhd

How do they want to be seen by others? strong, confident, capable, protector

How do they see themselves? crippled, broken, worthless, challenged

How are they seen by others? stubborn, loud, capable, caring

Strongest character trait? unforgiving

Weakest character trait? impatience

How competitive are they? very

Do they make snap judgements or take time to consider? impulsive

How do they react to praise? hide away, deny it

How do they react to criticism? shamed, crying

What is their greatest fear? secrets being discovered

What are their biggest secrets? they are polyromantic greysexual, a feminist, have long term online friends, (hopefully) will soon be dating a woman, is an independent

What is their philosophy of life? do no harm but take no shit

When was the last time they cried? a week ago, having a mental breakdown

What haunts them? inevitability to disappoint their family and be disowned

What are their political views? independent, leaning left

What will they stand up for? the treatment of others

Who do they quote? carrie fisher, hozier, brie larson

Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy? both

What is their sinful little habit? listening/watching 'none christian' things

What sense do they most rely on? hearing

How do they treat people better than them? respect, positivity, optimism

How do they treat people worse than them? assuming the worst, judging, sarcasm

What quality do they most value in a friend? loyalty

What do they consider an overrated virtue? prudence

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? physical strength

What is their obsession? swords, women

What are their pet peeves? incorrect animal care, being talked down to, loud chewing

What are their idiosyncrasies? doors must always be closed and locked, gets up two hours earlier than needed, will fall asleep if reading on the computer

 

Friends and Family

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? big; mother, father, five older brothers, two older sisters, one younger sister, three nephews, two nieces, four aunts, five uncles, many cousins, two grandmothers, one grandfather

What is their perception of family? overrated; the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb

Do they have siblings? Older or younger? 8 siblings; five older brothers, two older sisters, one younger sister

Describe their best friend. the same as them. fight more than flight, major physical problems, mentally worn out, respect is given until proven undeserved, funny, caring, heart over head

Ideal best friend? see; best friend

Describe their other friends. overall kind, caring, considerate, musically talented, loud

Describe their acquaintances. annoyances, loud, bubbly, hyperactive

Do they have any pets? one dog, two horses, six sheep, many chickens, many snakes

Who are their natural allies? minorities, protectors, those who need protecting

Who are their surprising allies? church youth, some police, nurses

 

Past and Future

What was your character like as a baby? As a child? easygoing as a baby, wanting attention and to be part of older siblings' group as child

Did they grow up rich or poor? lower-middle class, wanting some but getting few

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? nurtured physically, neglected emotionally

What is the most offensive thing they ever said? 'it is disgusting gay people can adopt' (a lie)

What is their greatest achievement? having the courage to come out to online friends

What was their first kiss like? n/a has not kissed anyone

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved? thoughts of abandoning family

What are their ambitions? to marry someone they love, have a self built farm, foster teenagers, be a freelance artist

What advice would they give their younger self? don't give up, you are not an abomination for being attracted to women, do not tell youth leader about suicidal thoughts

What smells remind them of their childhood? homemade pizza, pines, dogs

What was their childhood ambition? to be a veterinarian

What is their best childhood memory? being with older siblings and hanging out with their friends

What is their worst childhood memory? figuring out they were polyromantic, the fear of being found out and disowned

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend? n/a

What past act are they most proud of? talking to other kids first

Has anyone ever saved their life? doctors; had major kindey infection at age of two, had major uti at age of eight

Strongest childhood memory? disappointing parents

 

Love

Do they believe in love at first sight? infatuation at first side, that may develop in to love

Are they in a relationship? working on asking a woman out

How do they behave in a relationship? caring, prioritizing spouse, lots of gifts

When did you character last have sex?

n/a, does not desire sex

What sort of sex do they have? n/a

Has your character ever been in love? currently in love

Have they ever had their heart broken? no. has ghosted a fuckboy and thought they had broken his heart

 

Conflict

How do they respond to a threat? defensive, posturing, threatening

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? fists

What is your character’s kryptonite? children, sob stories

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? electronics

How do they perceive strangers? men are possible threats, women are in danger

What do they love to hate? disney villains

What are their phobias? aquaphobia, entomophobia, atychiphobia

What is their choice of weapon? longsword

What living person do they most despise? larry nassar

Have they ever been bullied or teased? yes

Where do they go when they’re angry? bathroom, bedroom, outside

Who are their enemies and why? n/a, enemies are unknown

 

Work, Education and Hobbies

What is their current job? apprentice horse trainer and farm hand

What do they think about their current job? too physically taxing, worsens already poor physical condition

What are some of their past jobs? n/a

What are their hobbies? reading, writing, drawing, video games, research on medieval times, watching tv, movies, youtube

Educational background? homeschooled highschool graduate

Intelligence level? low, cannot do simple math, does not know history

Do they have any specialist training? n/a

Do they have a natural talent for something? art, slightly

Do they play a sport? Are they any good? equestrian sports, intermediate

What is their socioeconomic status? low social status, seen as unlikeable, n/a economic status

 

Favourites

What is their favourite animal? wolves

Which animal to they dislike the most? insects

What place would they most like to visit? mountains of utah

What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? mountains

What is their favourite song? in a week by hozier

Music, art, reading preferred? alternative, metal, emo music. realistic, stylised, comic-esque art. fantasy, medieval, adventure, action books.

What is their favourite colour? black, blood red

What is their password? "I love you for who you are"

Favourite food? steak, homemade rolls, pizza, salad

What is their favourite work of art? women with umbrellas, reunited

Who is their favourite artist? mambo

What is their favourite day of the week? friday

 

Possessions

What is in their fridge? frozen pizzas, salad stuff, soda, beer, snacks

What is on their bedside table? mace, a notebook and pen, phone, cologne, empty cans

What is in their car? mask, air freshener, large knife, window breaker, charger

What is in their bin? candy wrappers, cans, bottles

What is in their purse or wallet? pepper spray, bible, book, keys, pen, pencil, mints

What is in their pockets? knife, carmex

What is their most treasured possession? their truck

 

Spirituality

Who or what is your character’s guardian angel? Gabriel

Do they believe in the afterlife? Yes

What are their religious views? non-denominational Christianity

What do they think heaven is? where there is no pain, or hurt, where you can be with your loved ones (including pets) for eternity without getting tired of their company

What do they think hell is? suffering, eternal torment, both physical and psychological pain

Are they superstitious? no

What would they like to be reincarnated as? a sandcat

How would they like to die? by sword

What is your character’s spirit animal? house cat

What is their zodiac sign? libra

 

Values

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? rape, mutilation, taking away loved ones

What is their view of ‘freedom’? being able to do as you like, as long as it does not harm others

When did they last lie? earlier in the day

What’s their view of lying? not necessarily good, but needed on some occasions for safety

When did they last make a promise? tonight, promising to get a full night's sleep

Did they keep or break their last promise? break it

 

Daily life

What are their eating habits? hectic- binge eating one day and eating nothing the next. usually eating on impulse rather than specific times

Do they have any allergies? lactose, sulfa

Describe their home. medium sized, lots of storage space, including many closets. an organized mess, knowing where everything is exactly without putting it away, unless it is clothing

Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? somewhere in the middle, though leaning towards clutter hoarder. loves collecting shot glasses

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? get dressed, feed the animals, have breakfast

What do they do on a Sunday afternoon? eat pizza, hang out with friends or family, watch a movie

What do they do on a Friday night? drink with friends at home, hang out

What is the soft drink of choice? dr pepper

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? whiskey

 

Miscellaneous

What is their character archetype? The Trickster

Who is their hero? Gal Gadot, Gideon the Ninth

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? Gideon the Ninth

Are they comfortable with technology? somewhat

If they could save one person, who would it be? Hozier

If they could call one person for help, who would it be? best friend

What is their favourite proverb? the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb

What is their greatest extravagance? clothes

What is their greatest regret? not being who their parents wanted them to be

What is their perception of redemption? if you truly change and do your best, most everything is redeemable, but there are some things which can never be forgiven

What would they do if they won the lottery? buy a cottage, clothes, animals, and put some into savings

What is their favourite fairytale? the three bears, by robert southey

What fairytale do they hate? the little mermaid (original)

Do they believe in happy endings? yes

What is their idea of perfect happiness? being loved, loving others, and being content with what you have

What would they ask a fortune teller? will they find a spouse who loves them wholeheartedly?

If your character could travel through time, where would they go? the 1830s, dressed as a man and supporting women, whom know they are a women themselves

What sport do they excel at? n/a

What sport do they suck at? all. unable to do physical sports

If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? super strength

[bluecastleheadcanons]

TW for Borderline Personality Disorder, illness, throwing up, travel sickness, migraines, submechanophobia, tearing ACL, overworking, insomnia, 

Tooru Oikawa

Pain tolerance

How they are when sick

fears/phobias

Injuries (past or present) /disorders

Insecurities

Bad habits

Family life

-Medium pain tolerance. He usually plays it up for dramatics.

-He actually has a pretty good immune system but that all goes down the drain when he overworks himself. He’ll get a fever from pulling on too many late night training or studying sessions. He tries to play off that he’s sick, will not admit it. Iwaizumi will put his foot down when after school practice rolls around and will either tell Oikawa to go home or will drag him there himself.

-Not emetophobic but hates making messes. Throwing up on himself will make him cry or extremely distressed because of the mess.

-Horrible travel sickness. Cars, trains, buses, planes or boats he will be sick.

-He gets migraines after watching too many videos of other teams on his computer. Or just screens in general for too long.

-Submechanophobia, the fear of sunken man made objects. He figured it out when he was in middle school and his grade went to a museum. Seeing a model of a sunken plane made him dizzy, nauseous and very uncomfortable. When they got home, Iwa and him googled the fear.

It is a really rare phobia so some people thought he was joking and would send him pictures of sunken ships and planes just to see his reaction; only to feel somewhat guilty when he had to ask a friend to get rid of the picture while he took a seat.

-He also is terrified of disappointing people, this often leads to him overworking himself.

-He has anxiety, was diagnosed with it at age 8. He has it under control but everyone has bad days.

-Oikawa was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in his last year of high school, after living with the not diagnosed symptoms of horrible self image, mood swings,and emptiness since his nine. He was horrible at keeping friends with Iwaizumi being his only friend until high school. His doctors and psychologist thought the symptoms would fade with age and maturity. Unfortunately they did not and an incident where Oikawa was rushed to the emergency room lead to the final diagnosis.  

-He has spent years perfecting his facade. His walls are built up so high Iwaizumi is the only one that can see through them. He has gotten scarily good at hiding his true feelings behind a mask of “iwa-chan!!” “ow that hurt” “because i’m the best” plus the whining all of the time.

-horrible insomniac. runs of caffeine and determination. has a minimum 10 hours of sleep a week.

-During his last year of middle school he tore his acl. He called Iwaizumi and was brought to the hospital by Iwaizumi’s mother. He couldn’t play volleyball for the first couple of months of his first year of highschool. He hated the recovery period the most.

Overworking himself you know the drill. He has pulled all-nighters at the gym. Countless times. You people know the drill. The longest time he went without overworking was when he tore his ACL at the end his last year of middle school. He was off his knee for 8 months which lead to his missing some of his first year of highschool.

I headcanon that Oikawa’s parents are never home. They work most days and don’t get home til late. Leaving Oikawa at home alone pretty much 24/7. It’s been this way since his sister moved out when he was 12. Due to this Oikawa actually knows how to cook, surprisingly good. Sometimes they leave on business trips with only a note on the fridge. They were overseas when he tore his acl and got home a week after the incident. He spent most of that time at the Iwaizumi household. When his parents did come home they told him he should have been more careful and made no moves to comfort or console him. They just went into their home office and started working on stuff for the next day. It was Oikawa's sister, Chihiro, who bought him the knee brace after the surgery bandages came off because his parents were too busy to buy one. Chihiro is also the one that buys his antidepressants.

[incarnateirony]

Belief and Reality

So with a recent shift in my asks -- in lieu of SPN content being widely available -- towards generalized witchery, a conversation that one of my witchy group chats was holding felt worth formalizing and sharing.

Arthur C Clarke was a fiction writer, but one that dreamed of the future and what technologies may come with eerie accuracy. Such a phenomenon in creative minds is not new, and to this day we speak of “Orwellian realities” or some-such almost daily.

He had several points about science against witchery, which modern thinking has tried to divide to the point of nonbelievers aggressively arguing points that witchy-folk blink, and nod along to, because it doesn’t in any way conflict with theirs -- with a wide chasm of understanding of witchery as somehow divided from science.

Clarke’s 3 Laws:

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Now if left at this point, this reads as a feeble attempt to say “you can’t say my belief is wrong, neener neeee! All beliefs are equal! The unicorn in my basement says so!”, which is *not* the same. This is just the beginning of the discussion.

Law 3 is going to be the most pivotal here. I have a question folks... what do you think lithium batteries are? Why do you think houses use copper or other metals for their wiring? 

Because... science!

Right, okay, sure. But witches around the world were telling you these things worked for thousands upon thousands of years, to be dismissed as “just witchcraft.” The same goes for medicines, cures, and healing.

Are there parts of “witchcraft” that haven’t been scientifically tested? Absolutely. Are there parts that have? 

"I am sure many of you will be puzzled to know how the study of as morbid, mystical and exotic a subject as witchcraft can contribute to a better understanding of the foundations for the development of science. [...] ...Revolutionary paradigm-switches, analogous to the reorganization of the perceptual field noted by gestalt psychologies, are induced by the accumulation of anomalies, i.e. findings which cannot be reconciled with what may be expected to follow from the prevailing paradigm. New paradigms are sought in order to eliminate these anomalies, and they tend to be espoused by younger scientists less committed to the old styles of thought. One of Kuhn's opponents, Watkins, makes a perhaps distorted but nevertheless expressive contrast of Kuhn's position with Popper's when he affirms that Kuhn's view of the scientific community is of an 'essentially closed society, intermittently shaken by collective nervous breakdowns followed by restored mental unison', whereas Popper's view is 'that the scientific community ought to be, and to a considerable degree actually is, an open society in which no theory, however dominant and successful . . . is ever sacred' (Lakatos and Musgrave 1970: 26)"

--Witchcraft and the Epistemology of Science --M. G. Marwick Science and Public Policy, Volume 1, Issue 11, November 1974

These are things we all know and understand. Science is a changing field. Not so long in the collective scale of humanity, it was Stupid Witchcraft to have understood how gravity works, or that the world orbits around the sun and not the other way around, and yet for the love of all things holy, “witches” had been waving their arms for centuries telling you this.

Witches* built ancient batteries. Witches built ancient computers. Witches built starmaps centuries ahead of their time. Witches made ancient medicine. Witches did a whole bunch of shit.

*I am using “witches” as a general statement here as “practitioners of various forms of magic as was appropriate to their culture.”

Witches told of the principles of stones and crystals and all sorts of inorganic things long before someone else “okayed” it by having what was considered a Sufficiently Peer Reviewed(TM) Inorganic Chemistry Class teaching Crystalline Structure and Vibration Frequencies, which is then A-OK Atheist-Scientist-Approved!

Do you use a cell phone? 

Congratulations, you’re a fucking wizard, Harry. 

It’s a giant conduit of crystal cores and metallic wiring and stuff pulled out of the ground to retain a bunch of energy and even generate it to catch invisible waves of communication that can’t be heard until translated through the right device.

Sounds mystical and witchy as fuck when you put it like that, huh.

But “witches” have been telling you all about these things for thousands of years only for a “scientist” at the age, who would rather argue against it than test it to build a wall until there is enough pressure from a community to test it over and over again.

We have people dead-ass testing, scientifically, if the universe is conscious and debating what is considered consciousness from something in a scale that we can’t communicate with, but at what point to consider our limitations as just-that rather than demanding everything be limited to our communications.

“Traditionally, scientists have been stalwart materialists. But doing so has caused them to slam up against the limitations of materialism. Consider the chasm between relativity and quantum mechanics, or Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, and you quickly start to recognize these incongruities.” -- PHILIP PERRY

THE UNIVERSE MAY BE CONSCIOUS, SAY PROMINENT SCIENTISTS” AT BIGTHINK, JUNE 25, 2017

Does that mean every idea made by every baby witch mindlessly regurgitating something they found on witchtok is accurate? Of fucking course not. Not any more than any random joe blow on twitter is a science wizard because he successfully passed highschool science classes. Neither know everything. The best, most famous scientists will tell you that they still know very little. The art is literally about experimenting and testing in things that you are uncertain about, and those who fail to consider, experiment and test are failing at the art.

So sure. Some things have been tested. Others haven’t, or at least not to a standard people trust yet. Nobody is saying you have to believe in all of the things, either. But the defacto division of “well there’s magic and then there’s science” as a hard cleaver dividing them is in direct opposition to what magic actually functions on.

Chemistry birthed out of alchemy. Medicine birthed out of herbalism. Conductive metals were in use by practitioners long before anybody ever flipped on a light bulb and rediscovered how to make batteries thousands of years later before deciding we were modernly smart as fuck. I find it wild that the same crowd that screams how much better natural marijuana is than overprocessed medicine has a segment of people that turn around and yell about how stupid and primitive other herbal uses are, then like go to an oxygen bar to use aromatherapy for happy smells to fix their mood or some shit.

So this is the issue I have whenever I hear someone break out “but SCIENCE!”-- hasn’t disproven anything. Science has actually proven, and even chosen to utilize, great portions of it. Science just hasn’t sufficiently tested everything, and if you don’t want to believe until it’s tested, that’s fine, but that’s the line between agnosticism and atheism; the line between not believing until you can study versus assuming nobody in the world has any form of experience or study that is valid simply because you don’t.

And it’s a very loud line.

[bonniebird]

The Girl Next Door (Part Four)

Masterlist

Hvitserk x Reader

Thank you @honestsycrets​ for letting me borrow your marco gifs :D

“So are you going to tell me what went on?” Ubbe asked quickly. Hvitserk had been avoiding talking to him all evening. Ubbe managed to find him back at the bar the next morning, cleaning up the bar.

“Nope.” He replied. Ubbe watched as Hvitserk swept down the bar and frowned.

“Shouldn’t (Y/N) be doing that?”

Hvitserk froze, eyes snapping up to Ubbe who raised his eyebrows. He’d asked around and found out what Hvitserk had done. After the mess at the bar the night before he needed to be sure he was in the know.

“I’m not letting her work here anymore. Last night was…”

“If you say a fucking close call Hvitserk. That was your own damn fault, you couldn’t tell them to fuck off you had to shoot somebody!” Ubbe scolded. Hvitserk scowled at him before continuing working.

“What’re you going to tell Aslaug?”

“Why do I have to tell her anything. My bar, she doesn’t want to know how we make our money. Just get Ivar to take (Y/N) somewhere.” Hvitserk grumbled as he paused for a moment.

 “But you like her. She likes you.” Ubbe said carefully. He knew Hvitserk had liked you since highschool, his worst kept secret, Ubbe had a sneaking feeling he was the only one of his brothers that didn’t have a crush of some sort on you. 

“That doesn’t fucking matter Ubbe! Look at what happened! There's a reason none of us settle down.”

Ubbe sighed, shaking his head. Hvitserk was losing it. At least, he needed a break. Realising he couldn’t get through to him Ubbe headed home.

*****************

Sigurd groaned as he opened the front door. Half dressed and exhausted from his gig the night before. “(Y/N)!” He said with a wide smile, perking up when he saw you. “Ivar’s out with Aslaug but you can wait if you’d like.”

“Actually I’m here to see Hvitserk. I have a few ideas for his bar.” You explained, holding up some of the papers in your hands and showed him the plastic tupperware tub in the other.

“I think he’s down at the bar. I could give you a lift. If you wanted?” He asked, still sporting a cheerful smile as he spoke.

“Sure, that’d be great.” You said as you followed him upstairs. You headed into the living room while Sigurd jogged up the next flight of stairs to his room. The front door opened and shut and Ubbe bounded up the stairs.

“(Y/N), hey, you waiting for Ivar?”

“No, he’s with Aslaug, I had some ideas for Hvitserk and Sig said he’d give me a lift down.”

Ubbe had a funny look on his face as he sighed and nodded. “ He mentioned he urm… wanted to talk about you working there.” He didn’t say anything more as Sigurd rushed down the stairs. He greeted Ubbe who rolled his eyes and shook his head. Margreth would be waiting for him to call so he excused himself and left.

“There’s something weird about… the bar and whatever Hvitserk and Ubbe do.” You said quietly. Sigurd had led the way to the car and started driving. Of course he picked the long way and babbled about his music for a while, showing you a few songs he liked.

“You probably shouldn’t ask many questions. Just do what Hvitserk said and you’ll do great.” Sigurd said hesitantly.

“I just feel like they’re hiding things from me. Ubbe and Hvitserk don’t give straight answers. You and Ivar don’t seem like that…” You babbled. Sigurd felt sorry for you. When Aslaug had agreed with Ivar that you could work with Hvitserk the house was in a chaos of arguing, not that anyone would ever tell you.

“I’m not like them. Thay have a lot of secrets. A lot of things to hide.” He admitted. He couldn’t smile, even when you looked over at him. It felt horrible to disillusion you. “They mean well and if they’re acting weird it’s just because they want to protect you.

“What could they be doing that’s so bad?” You asked wearily. You couldn’t imagine Hvitserk doing anything awful. Sure he was a bit of a flirt and you’d always been disappointed that you never got a chance to be one of his girls, but he was Hvitserk, sweet always happy and fun loving Hvitserk.

Sigurd didn’t say anything as he pulled up outside the bar. It had been a while since he had been down. He didn’t answer you. Eventually you hugged him goodbye and thanked him for the ride. His cheerful demeanour found its way back to him.

Entering the bar you found Hvitserk sat on one of the barstools, nursing a drink with his head in his hands and a lit cigarette between his fingers.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Sigurd gave me a lift down. Ubbe said that you didn’t run the restaurant anymore but I thought maybe it’d be a good idea?” You rushed to put the paper and box of food in front of Hvitserk.

He sighed and stared at them for a moment. Now was the time to tell you to leave. It wouldn’t take much to have you never talk to him again. Off you’d go with Ivar, maybe Sigurd he’s always had a thing for you. He wouldn’t see you again. You wouldn’t see him again and that would be better for you. Glancing up at your face he realised you were watching him nervously. He could just as easily reach out, stroke your cheek, lean in and kiss you slowly, move his hands down your back with gentle touches. He could kiss tantalisingly slow down your neck and then. He cleared his throat and grabbed at the box. A neat burger sat in it.

“You have the kitchen out back. You could just do some simple food and open… more often. I’m sure you’d have some new regulars.”

It was sweet. The way you really thought this was a real bar. He wondered how he’d managed to make you so naive when it came to him. Taking a bite of the burger before he had to shoot you down he groaned. It was good. You had to be good at cooking too. 

“It’s good but I’m not sure it’s what people come in for.” Hvitserk muttered as he licked his fingers.

Your brow furrowed. He knew the look on his face. It’s the same look Ivar got what he knew he could win an argument. “Well, I wouldn’t need your help, I’ve got everything written out here.” You slid the papers over to him and Hvitserk sighed. Your research was extensive you’d found a chef that knew the Ragnarssons and you had done enough research that Hvitserk couldn’t think of how to get out of saying yes.

“What about a trial? It’s quite a bit of money to pump into something that might not work.” Hvitserk countered. At least now he’d have a way to shut it down. He’d just have to get Ubbe to make sure it flopped.

“Really!” You said with a bubble of excitement that seemed to light up your face. Before he could do anything you’d hugged him tightly. He could smell your shampoo, it made him think of those nights, years ago, that you’d stay over. You’d all build a fort and watch movies all night, Ubbe would get bored but You, Sig and Ivar would be determined to stay up. You could never make it through the night, often falling asleep against him. He’d spend so long thing how lovely it was to watch you sleep, stroking your cheek, hoping his younger brothers would leave the two of you alone. 

He quickly pushed you away and smiled. “I’ve got to fix some stuff in the kitchen if you’re going to use it.” He said quickly and moved away. He hoped saying yes meant you’d leave but you followed him.

“Can I help?” You asked hopefully.

“No it’s just fixing the lights.” He muttered, quick to put distance between the two of you.

*******************

Ivar prowled into the living room. He’d gone to your house and you hadn’t been home. So naturally you had to be waiting for him.

“Where is she?”

“(Y/N)?” Sigurd asked as he looked up from his guitar. He looked over his brother who was leaning against the doorway, crutches in his hands as he frowned. “She’s with Hvit.”

“Why?” 

“She wanted to show him something.” Sigurd said and turned back to the music he was trying to write.

“So she just spends all her time with him now?”

“It is where she works.” Sigurd pointed out. With a scowl Ivar slapped off to his bedroom, slumping down on his bed.

His room was smaller than his brothers but he didn’t mind. Aslaug had spent so much time perfecting his room. His bed was a little higher so he could sit easily. It also meant he could lay in bed and watch out of the window without any trouble.

His desk was built into the wall and he had state of the art computer and screens tumbling about it. His piles of no longer needed college books sat in piles around the desk.

The cupboard that doubled as a wardrobe was messily spilling clothes across the old wooden floor.

The floor above had Hvitserk, Ubbe and Sigurd’s room. Plus a bathroom that the three had to share, it was always a mess. Ivar had his own just across the hall. Aslaug got the largest room in the attic. It was so light and airy, warm and comforting. Sometimes Ivar would go up and stay all day.

Ivar had found the fact that you clearly liked Hvitserk to be highly amusing and when he’d started messing with you. It had been fun. But now. There was a chance that you might actually get somewhere with Hvitserk. He didn’t want that.

“Hey Ivar.” Ubbe called as he knocked on the door. Ivar meerly grunted, not bothering to sit up as Ubbe entered.

“Hvit needs some stuff from the store. He’s fixing up the bar. You want to come?” Ubbe asked. Ivar glanced up at his brother without moving. He could see from the state of his shirt and the hickeys on his neck he’d been with a girl most of the day. The unpleasant scent of cheap perfume stung his nose and he guessed it was Margrethe.

“I was going to watch here for (Y/N).”He answered as he set his head back against his bed.

“She’s at the bar. Maybe you could take her out to dinner or something, maybe a movie?” Ubbe offered. He sighed when Ivar gave him a condescending look before scoffing.

“Hvit wants her to gohome before he tries to fuck her doesn’t he?” Ivar waited for Ubbe to answer but all that came out of his brother was a loud snicker.

“He’s not as bad as Bjorn. He’s just a little distracted and under pressure.” Ubbe muttered. Ivar heaved himself up and reached for his crutches as he stood.

“He’s an idiot.”

“You got him in this mess Ivar!”

The trip to the store was quick. Ubbe rushed around grabbing everything they needed and Ivar leant on the huge flatbed trolley. It took Ubbe twenty minutes to find everything and Ivar added a few bits he found interesting. Then they were on their way again. Ivar wondered why Ubbe and Hvitserk didn’t just move closer to the bar. They were forever driving across town to the bar or the warehouses.

Ubbe pulled up right next to the door. “Will you go in and get Hvitserk? You can have the car if you want, or I could call you a taxi?” Ubbe waited and Ivar shrugged.

“Yeah. If we go out somewhere (Y/N) will probably drive.” He muttered, disinterested as he got out.”

“Is it ok? I don’t know if I’m doing it right?” Your voice came from the back. Ivar frowned and followed it.

“Yeah babygirl you’re doing great, don’t worry.” Hvitserk encouraged.

Ivar shoved into the room and rolled his eyes. You were fixing something, tongue stuck out as you frowned in concentration. Hvitserk smiled as he watched, glancing over at Ivar.

“Ubbe wants you.” Ivar snapped and Hvitserk raised his eyebrows. “(Y/N) we’re going to see a movie.”

“Oh? Did I forget? I’m sorry Ivar!” You said as you climbed down off the counter. You hugged him and smiled when he scowled. He didn’t want to admit he felt… odd that you were spending more time with Hvitserk. He just wanted to torment you both a little.

“It’s fine. We can go now and have dinner. Ubbe’s giving us the car. If Hvitserk gets the stuff out of it.” He glanced at Hvitserk who took a deep breath before speaking.

“Of course I can go and help him Ivar. I um… I’ll see you later.” He added the last part as he glanced at you, brushing past Ivar who deadpanned until he left.

“We should go or we’ll be late.” Ivar muttered.

[deadlifts-and-derrida]

Well, it's been a while since I posted any long form writing here. So how about I do that now? Let's get UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE.

To tell the story of my first boyfriend, I need to tell the story of coming out to my mother.

I came out to my mother the week before I left to begin university. It didn't go as I hoped it would. I chose mom instead of dad because I thought mom would be easier. Girls and women seemed safer than boys and men. To teenaged me, active homophobia seemed mostly a masculine trait.

I'll stop there. I don't want to set mom up like she had the worst reaction. She didn't get mad. Mad, I could have handled. I was a bold, righteous, outspoken teen; I was equipped to deal with anger. Mom wasn't mad - mom was sad. As if a precious object had dropped to the floor and was now damaged - even if it could be repaired, the crack would always be there.

I couldn't handle sad. It was like I told her I had an inoperable cancer. That's a homophobic attitude just as much as throwing your kid out is, but it's… subtler. How do you respond to it? If you get angry she'll just get sadder. Her sadness hurts you to witness. You wish you hadn't spoken up, because you love your mother and you don't want to make her sad. You regret ever opening your mouth. By you I mean I.

I left for university a week later having had no follow-up discussion, having stuffed myself back into the closet, more or less. When I got to university I would be free to be as gay as I wanted, and I intended to be very. Very. Very. Gay.

Why do I need to tell this story before I get to Matthew? (His name was Matthew). Well. I guess I'm trying to explain why I was the way I was, and I'm hanging the blame on Mom. It's not really fair. Her reaction was bad, and it hurt me, it didn't give me the support I needed at a critical moment. But all of it - her reaction, the fact that I needed the support in the first place - is because of our damned stupid homophobic society, right? Mom and me, we're both just products of the hate machine that spat us out, right? Right?

I love my mother. I forgive her. She danced joyfully at my wedding. It's all fine. Everything is fine. The precious thing got repaired so well you can only really see the crack if you know where to look.

So Matthew.

I spent all of highschool wanting a boyfriend and sex. Unrequited crushes on unattainable men. But the fear. That was real, too. Not just fear that if you got caught checking out the wrong guy he'd gaybash you - although that was a real, potent fear. But also the fear that if you got caught checking out the right guy, then you'd have to go through with it.

Isn't that crazy? Being afraid to go through with the thing you want to go through with! But it's true. Actually attainable men? No. There was one other gay guy in my high school class, and we shared a friend group, although the two of us never really clicked. I was too weird and he was, for want of a better word, too basic. I was also very unfortunate-looking in high school. But in addition to all of this - there was the sense that I couldn't be attracted to him because if I was then something would have to happen and I wasn't ready for that.

But I wanted to be ready for it!

So Matthew, again.

When I got to university, free from my mother's terrible sadness, free from my high school self, I wanted to shed my skin like a snake and slither my way into a new me. Now that I was out and lived in a city (a small city, but the biggest one we had), I really femmed up. Glitter. Tight clothes. Limp wrists. Hair dye. Even eyeliner, sometimes. I wanted the world to know. In part because I was signalling to whoever around me who had the correct receptors: I'm here, I'm queer, for the love of god please do something about it.

Matthew picked up on that signal. He was a (female) friend's best friend. He was in his last year of high school in a town about 90 minutes away, but he made trips in on some weekends to see his best friend. One of those weekends, only a couple of weeks into my very first semester, he and I fell into each other's gravity. Nowadays, I know the sensation well. I'm sure most people will, too. You feel this tug between you and someone else. You draw closer. You look at each other. Closer. A few touches, at first passing it off as innocent. Then more touches. Closer.

We were so close our lips were brushing each other's as we spoke quietly. I don't remember how long the lip brushing lasted before it became kissing, but despite everything, despite the utter hell Matthew would eventually unleash on my life, I still think this is probably one of the best first-ever kisses on record.

(It wasn't his first-ever kiss. He already had an ex-boyfriend. I was his second. But it was my first-ever kiss).

Matthew wasn't my type. He had a shrill, harsh laugh. He had a giant mop of curly hair that he liked to dye. It was kind of like a clown's wig. I was still unfortunate-looking myself, please understand. He wasn't active, didn't exercise - which is fine, except all of my sexual fantasies focused on very muscular, large men. "Being young, gay, and mean isn't a personality," as the line goes. Matthew had a bit of that. But he was smart and funny, too. I shouldn't pretend he wasn't.

But I was so ready. Over-ready. I needed someone to fuck me, already, and I figured I would be lucky if anyone, anyone at all, would ever be willing to do it. So. It was Matthew because he was the first one who stepped up to the plate. Although attempts at sex were always awkward and we never really quite figured that out.

He became my boyfriend. It lasted for about four months. Because he lived 90 minutes away and was still in high school, I only saw him on weekends, but not every weekend. Maybe one weekend a month. This was 2001. Smartphones weren't a thing. Texting wasn't even really a thing. I wouldn't even own a cellphone until 2005. We messaged each other on ICQ and spoke on our landlines.

He broke up with me in January.

Did I love him? I don't know. I think I did. Or I loved the idea of him. I loved the icon I had built in his shape, a representative of all the things I wanted to achieve by Having A Boyfriend. I wanted it to affirm my sexuality. I wanted it to mean I wasn't unlovable. I wanted it to refute my mother's sadness.

It felt like a failure that I couldn't keep him. When he got a new boyfriend before I did, that felt like a failure too, like it had been a race to see who could land a new man first. Why was I thinking this way? Looking back, it's awful. I instrumentalized him, made him a symbol, and made relationships and sexual experimentation into some kind of… clout game. It wasn't about having fun and enjoying myself - it was about proving something, something to myself, something to my family, something to the world. Sex? A boyfriend? Things to acquire.

But maybe I did love him. I cried a lot, and it wasn't just over the insult to my ego and the setback to my plans. I remember distinctly walking through the underground tunnels that joined buildings on campus, thinking to myself - well, we're still friends, maybe we'll get back together in a few years. It was a story I told myself to comfort myself. It wasn't a forever breakup - he'd come back to me in a few years if I was just patient and kind, if I just waited.

When he got a new boyfriend, I needed to get one too. I found a guy on the gay.com chatroom, which is the closest thing we had to apps back then. He… had problems. Valentines was a couple of days after our first date and he got me an ostentatious bouquet of roses, an over-the-top gift that made me more uncomfortable than charmed. He already showered me with the l-word.  I remember waking up in his bed, the one night I spent at his place, him slipping his dick into me. It's this hazy nocturnal memory and I'm not even sure if it's real or false. If it's real, it was my first time successfully bottoming. If it was real, he didn't use a condom.

A few days later he told me that if I ever left him he'd kill himself. I didn't know what to do. I just turned very cold, hoping he'd break up with me. It worked. He dumped me after another few days. The whole thing didn't last more than two weeks.

Matthew was still with his new boyfriend and they seemed very happy together.

So. It's clear I reacted badly.

Around the time we broke up, I moved into a basement apartment with his best friend (remember, she was also a friend of mine) and a third party who was also a good friend. Our apartment was a bit of a party house. Matthew would come into the city on weekends, and he'd stay at our apartment - because his best friend lived there, and I lived there too, and even though we had broken up we were still friends, right?

I don't know what I did to deserve what he did to me. I don't think I was ever malicious to him. If I was ever cruel, it was a clueless and unintentional kind of cruelty.

He was staying with us. I was out of the house. He went into my bedroom and went on my computer. He snooped around and found folders of niche porn that I enjoyed. Should I say what sort it was? Is it pertinent to the story? It wasn't all that weird. It was basically bodybuilders. Muscle men. Some of them photoshopped to be bigger than would otherwise be possible (some much bigger). Some of them with exaggerated genitalia (some of them very exaggerated). I also had an interest in fat guys and I know there were some pictures of that nature in there too (some of them very fat).

But he was 17 and mean and judgemental. He showed my friends my secret porn in a deliberate attempt to humiliate me. He shared it around. He let everyone know, in a cruel, mocking way, about sexual interests I didn't yet feel strong enough to share with the world. Sexual interests I still felt a lot of shame about.

I only learned about this because my other friend who shared that apartment took me aside and told me what he had done. She did this because she thought it was wrong of him.

Despite this show of support from a friend who had the good sense not to follow the current of cruel mockery, I was beyond mortified. The shame was galling.

My new gay life ended there. My clothes became drab, baggier. My manner less femme. I stopped transmitting "I'm gay!" to the world. I stopped trying to fit in with the gay crowd Matthew had introduced me to. They all had a name for me now, anyway. Psychael. Like, psychotic Michael. How could I fight a battle when the first strike was nuclear? I quit. It seemed like the only move available to me.

It was 5 years before I'd kiss another man. I fled back into the embrace of my family. My coming out was never mentioned. I basically went back into the closet. At least the people in there loved… some version of me that I could maintain without that much effort. Just… close the door on the seven months when I had been an out gay man and pretend the whole thing didn't happen. Easy.

I don't hate him.

We were both very young.

We were both inexperienced.

I would hate for someone who only knew me as an 18 year old to think of me now, in my mid thirties, as if I was the same person. So I don't think of him as he was when he was 17. He's 34 now. He's probably a much better person.

Maybe he feels sorry.

Maybe he doesn't.

I wish I could have those years back. The long years I spent frightened to be myself.

I wish I had been strong enough to look him in the face and say "so what?" I wish I had been strong enough to own my sexual interests, none of which are immoral or wrong or even all that strange.

But I was weak. I was weak and alone. And wishing doesn't get you anywhere.

I don't know if there's much point to this story.

[creative-nightmares-37]

How to become punk

This is  4000+ words so it's a very long shot, and i made this a longgggg time ago but I hope you like it, at the bottom ill post his transformation!

"I don't understand it!" I sighed to myself angrily as I watched Patton blush.

     What's so great about Virgil?! I mean I could be like that!

     "Anyways Patton, I gotta go." Virgil says giving him a two fingered salute as he turned his back and walked away.

     "Oh my goodness Logan did you see him?!" Patton exclaimed. "I can see it now, we're going to own four dogs, and our house it gonna be mag-" He starts as I interrupt him.

     "I wouldn't look to far into the future Patton, your not even sure if you two at compatible ." I state feeling my heart break slightly.

     "Plus he's no good for you, he's got a bad reputation in the school, and previous schools."

     "Maybe that's why I like him..." Patton mutters to himself as he stares lovingly in the direction Virgil walked in.

      Patton, the school most innocent kid, has fallen for the 2nd most bad boy in ringwell high.

     And his best friend has to watch.

-

     "His hair is soooo purple now, it's a great color on him!" Patton smiles growing red in the face.

     "You know if you like him so much why don't you talk to him." I suggest putting on a fake smile.

      "But I couldn't!" Patton starts.

      "Yes you can, you've been swooning over him for the past two months." I say rolling my eyes.

     "Will you come with me then? I need a wingman." He pleas

     "If it will make you happy." I say knowing he doesn't know the double meaning to that statement.

     "Awe thank you Lo!!" He says as I lead the way to Virgil.

     "Hey teach, hey pat." Virgil states leaning back against the wall.

     "Hey Virgil!" Patton smiles, as they quickly start to talk.

      Soon I see a tall figure, covered with tattoos, hair in a Fo-hawk. Wearing a jean jacket with the arms ripped off combat boots and ripped jeans. Devan, the reason why Virgil is the 2nd biggest bad boy of the school.

     "Hey Virgil." He says voice deep. "who's this?" He asks raising a brow at Patton, and I can see his heart skip a beat,

     "I'm p-Patton." He states flustered

     "And I'm Logan." I state as Devan nods his head.

     "Well do you want to ditch next period. Virgil?" He asks as Virgil nods.

     "Sure thing Dee."

     "I'm going to get a new tattoo, I'm thinking snake scales right here." I says turning his head and pointing at his neck.

     "That's sweet! I think imma get a thunderstorm, or something" Virgil states as he licks his snake bites on his lips.

     "Well I'll see you two around." Devan says giving a wink to Patton and I can see his breathing quicken.

     "Sure thing." He blushes as the other two walk away.

     "He was sooooo hot! I would let him fu-"

     "Don't finish that sentence" I sigh trying not to sound sad as I fix my glasses.

     So Patton as a thing for bad boys huh, well I guess that is do able.

     "He Logan, I'm gonna be gone next week, my cousin is getting married!" Patton smiles as my heart explodes.

     "That's fine, I'll pick you up when your back." I state as he nods happily.

-

(Next week)

     "Virgil I need your help." I state as he glances up at me.

     "With????"

     "I need to be more like you, Patton has a thing for bad boys and-" I start but get interrupted

     "You have a thing for him, and trust me I can tell he likes bad boys." He laughs "but don't worry I got you covered." He states as relief washes over me.

     "But under one condition." Virgil states as my stomach sinks. "You need to help me with Mr. popular over there He states pointing over at Roman Prince.

     "Why that moron?" I think out loud as Virgil blushes.

     "I don't know, maybe it's because he's a moron, but you get him to at least befriend me, and I'll give you a free ride into Patton's heart". He states before mumbling "since h- a- does"

     "What did you say? Ya know nevermind, you have a deal." I say as Patton's smile flashes through my mind. "I bet I could do it within 30 minuets." I state confidently as Virgil stares at me strangely

     "If you can I'll even teach you how to build and ride a motorcycle." He laughs not believing I'm my capability's and Romans arrogance with his overwhelming lack of common sense.

     Oddly enough I'm pretty good friend with Roman, although it's safe to say I'm probably the Biggest nobody in the school, and he's the one who's got everyone around his finger, we make a pretty good team.

     I make my way over, as a smile grows on my face "oh Mr. Popular." I say in a goofy voice as he turns around with a smirk.

     "Oh great it's Einstein himself." He says putting on a face of disgust and I laugh. "What's up lo?" He asks.

     "Can I talk to you for a bit?" I ask as he nods his head and waved goodbye to his friends.

     "You good?" He asks In a soft voice as I nod.

     "I just got a few questions for ya that's all." I shrug "first what's your favorite color

     "Purple? Why?"

     "Do you like guys?" I ask

     "Wow big jump okay..."

"Oh shut it, i think i know the answer." I state slapping his arm as he chuckled under his breath.

"and uhh yeah I've been openly bi for a few months, I can't believe I didn't tell you." He laughs awkwardly.

     "What do you think of Virgil August?" I ask

     "I've never talked to him, he seems kinda Unapproachable." Thats what he says about everyone he likes, he uses it as an excuse, even tho he knows he cab talk to anyone.

     "Hmm, what about look wise." I ask knowing he won't catch on.

     He turns around full 180° and checks Virgil out in the least subtle way possible. "He's a cutie, I guess. But I adore his piercings."

     "Wanna meet him?" I say alittle surprise on how he hasn't even guessed why I'm asking all of theses questions revolving around the angsty bad boy.

     "Alright." He shrugs as we make our way over to the dark dressed teen.

     "Virgil this is Roman, Roman, Virgil." I state as he looks at me surprised.

     "Hey, your the receiver on the football team right?" Virgil asks as he doesn't know.

     "And your the kid who plays the guitar before and after school." Roman says giving his, what the girls call it 'heart stealing smile' and I can tell it worked on Mr. bad boy over here.

     "Uhh yeah." Virgil blushes. "I didn't think anyone heard that." He states bringing his hand to his neck and rubbing it nervously.

     "Your really good, Is love to hear you play sometime." Roman claims casually as Virgil shrugs

     "Roman! Come here!" I hear josh call as Roman holds up a finger telling him to wait.

     "Here." Roman says pulling a sharpie out of his letterman's jacket as he grabs Virgil's hand and taking off the lid.

     "Give me a call, maybe we could see a movie sometime." He smiles as he finishes writing his number and just as he leaves he turns around waves us goodbye and gives Virgil a wink.

     "Holy shit you did it. Holy fuck I have his number, holy damn he wants to take me to a movie." Virgil fangirls

     "Holy hell, can you say holy one more time?" I laugh as Virgil rolled his eyes.

     "Well, lets make Patton fall for you harder than I can fall down the highschool stairs."

I laugh as I remember Virgil staring at Mr. Royal pain, not paying attention to the snow covering the steps, as be sails down the stairs spraining his wrist as be almost manages to do a hand stand only to flip over the rail to the other half of the stairs. And somehow I was the only one who saw it.

-

"Alright Logan, now that you've built one, now you need to learn how to ride one." Virgil sighs as I look at my hands covered in oil and other substances.

     "Can I you know, wash up first?" I ask wiping my hair out of my face.

     " No you gotta learn now dammit." He states with a smile.

     "Uh alright." I state akwardly. "Ohhh you were using sarcasm weren't you?" I say as it clicks.

     "Yes, yes I was." He says shaking his head, but once you've learned how to ride, we will do something about this." I states pointing me up and down.

     "I'm thinking electric blue." He mumbles outloud.

     "You know if it makes patton, share similar, feelings I'll do it." I sigh

      "You do know you shouldn't have to change for him, he should like you for you." Virgil states uneasy.

     "That's the thing, no one is going to want to date a super computer with no style." I state.

     "Well, I'll do this for you, but I'm not going to have you do the permanent stuff, just in case you ever want to go back." He states as we make our way inside to get washed up.

     After an hour of relaxing I hear Virgil call my name.

      "Let's teach this nerd how to ride!" He laughs as I walk into the living room rolling my eyes, knowing full well he's just teasing.

     I follow him out side to see the motorcycle I built, and his.

     "So what have you driven?" He asks

     "A car and a Moped" I shrugged as he lets out a snicker

     "So you've driven a gay motorcycle?" He laughs." As I nod laughing with him. "Don't worry I've driven one too, but atleast you should be decent at riding this bad boy."

     "If you say so." I claim as I climb onto my bike."

     "So when riding your right hand is responsible for two crucial functions, acceleration and braking." He begins to explain "remember that a little twist on the throttle goes along way, you'll find that out when you find your ass on the pavement."

      "You have to be smooth when pressing the brakes, if not you can and will skid and cause an accident if you push the brake to quickly." He states moving over to the other side of the bike "but if you are going to use your rear break right here, you are going to have to multitask and use your foot, this is the most effective way of stopping." He explains while I make a mental note to use that one more often.

     "The clutch on the motorcycle is very similar to a car." He starts pointing at it. "You must brake slightly when switching gears, so your bike won't rattle. But finding neutralwitg your left foot will get some getting used to, make it a habit to clutch every time you switch." He stated as he grabs the clutch and puts it in neutral.

     "That about it, now go to first gear and ride."He states walking over to his bike.

     I take a deep breath in as I slowly let go of the break, hold down the clutch as I make it into first gear, and I start off down the dirt road.

     Slowly it becomes more natural, me using my left foot gets easier and I'm learning how to use the brakes without almost flipping the bike. After a few hours of riding around me and Virgil decide to call it a night.

     "You did good," he stays with surprise In his voice "better than my first go."

     "Thanks!" I smile at him as I walk inside and flop on the couch.

     "I say when we wake up in the morning, we go get some bleach and box dye, and mix up your wardrobe alright." He says throwing me a few blankets and pillows.

     "Thanks Virgil, really."

     "Anytime, plus you got me a date with Mr. Roman Prince so I might as well." He laughs slightly, " if ya need anything holler, I'm probably gonna be awake till, three."

     "Alright But you should sleep more, really." I state

     "Oh god your beginning to sound like my mother." He scoffs lightheartedly as he walks into his room.

     I pull out my phone to see a text from Patton,

Hey lo, my flight will be here at 10:30am on Thursday, I know your going to be at school. But I'm hoping you can still pick me up

Yeah that should be fine, and you know how you were telling I should change up my style?

Yeah! Omg did you do it,? What are you going for?! I think you would look fantastic with a piercing or two!! Or like a jean jacket!!

You'll see, let's just say I've picked up a few tips from our neighborhood edge lord.

Omg I'm so exited, I can already imagine what your going to look like!!

Yeah anyways I'm gonna head to bed I'll see you in a few days, goodnight Patton.

Goodnight lo, I have something ive wanted to tell you, but since your suprising me, I can wait.❤️

Strange he normally doesn't send hearts to me. I think as I feel my heat rate increasing. he's probably is just excited to see me all 'punked up' I think to myself as I plug in my phone and allow myself to fall into a peaceful sleep

-

     I wake up at a semi reasonable time, later than I normally sleep.

      I sit up and rub the sleep out of my eyes before realizing that I slept in my clothes from before.

     I stand up, and make my way into the kitchen to see a note.

I'm guessing you wake up early so if you so eat what ever, I'll be up around one, if you want you can continue practicing riding

-V

10 isn't early. I think to myself shrugging as I open the fridge and decide to make myself some egg toast. I'll make Virgil some before he wakes up.

     After about 15 minutes it's done yet food isn't really on my mind. All I can think about is patton. His smile, his laugh, his very sexual innuendos that are actually funny, how he's been by my side since day one. I love it how his curly hair springs back up when he pulls on them. The freckles that line his glasses, his dimples. He bright emerald eyes. He, in my eyes is the definition of perfect. But I'm worried he won't like me, even after I change for him, after all I'm just... me

     My hair is a taupe brown, messily combed back, so strands naturally fall in my face. Brown eyes, they sometimes look gold but they aren't anything impressive. I'm tall, lanky, boring. My smile doesn't light up a room. My laugh isn't the best. Patton is everything I'm not, so why am I trying so hard to 'win him over?'

     I sigh as I push my plate to the side, I know I'm in too deep, plus Patton already knows that my look is going to change so I might as well.

     I sit in the same spot at the breakfast bar, pondering, the 'What ifs' and all the possible endings if we got together, having some be a magical fantasy others, heart breaking friendship ruining endings . Apparently I was sitting here for a long time since Virgil stumbled into the room pulling out the milk from the fridge.

     "Logan I can feel your doubt in my sleep, what's up?" He asks with purple hair flying every which way.

      "I don't know, I feel like even after I change, Patton's still not gonna like me." I explain as Virgil laughs slightly

     "Are you Fucking me right now? Patton only ever talks about you!" He exclaims. "He May not know it but I can see that he is head over heals, believe it or not Patton is always happier when your around. He blushed when he retells the adventures you've been on, like I said were not doing anything to permanent, just making you pop, so everything clicks for him." Virgil says trying to lighten my mood.

     "But how do you know, all we know is he loves me platonically, Patton likes bad boys, and guess what I'm not." I huff as Virgil rolls his eyes as the doorbell rings.

      " Uhh I'll be right back, but this conversation is not over." Virgil states as he stands up and swings open the door to see Roman standing confidently, hair styled to his perfection, while Virgil is standing embarrassed, hair like a train wreck, purple pajama bottoms with storm clouds, and shirt less.

     "Uhh her Roman!" I hear Virgil squeak out "I didn't know you were coming."

     "Well I wanted to surprise you!" Roman laughs as Virgil pats down his bed head. "Trust me you look great." Roman complements as Virgil opens the door letting the taller In

     "Hey lo! What's up?" Roman asks as he slides into the chair next to mine.

     "The ceiling." I shrug. As he give me a small smile and shakes his head.

      "You ready for your hair transformation?" He asks giving me wiggly eyebrows, like the goofball he is.

     "Actually, I am."

     "Great! Cause I already got the dye!" Virgil says shaking two boxes, one is bleach the other a bright blue dye box.

     "I thought we were getting those today?" I ask aloud

      "Yeah but i was bored last night, sooo." He laughs while he stands on the other side of the breakfast bar.

     "When did you go out?" Roman asks.

     "4:30 I think maybe 5ish" He states already mixing the bleach.

     "Good god! No wonder why you sleep in so late." I claim surprised.

     "Yeah, yeah, I've heard it allllll before. Now come over hear and imma make your hair look hotter the Dee's. I glance over at Roman and I see a look of jealousy that's covered with a smile.

-

     "Is it supposed to feel it itchy?" I yell going into the shower for the second time.

     "Yes!" I hear the two yell

     "Just like last time!" Roman adds as I watch the blue run down the white tile

     "It looks like I killed a smurf!" I yell and I hear laughing.

      After the color fades in the water I hop out and get dressed.

     "Holy fuck" roman states with a giddy smile.

     "Your hair took the dye so well!" Virgil complements, well I think it's a complement. "Now let me style it!" Virgil says as I sit in the familiar chair, that I've been sitting in for 2 and a half hours.

     After fifteen minutes I hear the blow dryer get turned off and the combing stops.

     "Well go see your luxurious hair." Virgil's says pointing at a mirror and I'm met with the brightest blue hair I've ever seen.

     "Wow..." I say running my hands through my fingers speechless.

     "Now how do you feel about contacts?" I hear Roman ask.

      "I have some, but I normally don't use em." I explain as Roman pulls some out of his letterman jacket.

     "I stole theses from your house last night." He shrugs handing them to me and I take them rolling my eyes.

"You mean my landlord let you in?" I state raising an eyebrow as Roman nods and laughs with a cheesy smile.

     I get up close and personal to the mirror in front of me, and put them in with ease, while I can feel Virgil cringing.

     I blink a few times as it shifts into place. I look over at the two smiling like idiots.

     "Hey Virgil?" I start. "Do you know how to do any piercings?" I ask as he cocks a brow, smiles.

     "Yeah, I can do snake bites, ear piercings, tongue and eyebrows." He states,

     "I want all, except the tongue one." I state. If I'm being completely honest I've always wanted piercings but I've never had the means or courage to get them.

     "You sure? I mean they are a pain to clean." He states making sure this is what I really want.

     "Yeah." I state confidently as he leaves, and returns with a box."

     "I'm starting with your ears." He starts. "They are the easiest to do." He claims as he pulls out a lighter and a needle.

      "Roman go into the kitchen and find me a potato." He states as Roman stands up and leaves and Virgil starts lighting the needle.

     "Roman what's taking you so long?!" Virgil yells? After at least five minutes of waiting.

     "I'm coming! Calm you horses." He Roman sighs dramatically as he tosses Virgil the potato. And before I know it my ears and my lip is pierced twice.

     "Your right! This didn't hurt at all!" I say surprised as Virgil nods concentrating intensely as I feel his hands pinch my left eyebrow.

     " be still." He grunts as he gets a bigger needle with a piercing connected to the end."

     I feel the needle go in and this time it's painful.

     "Fuck." I mutter, as Virgil freezes in fear

     "Your lucky." Virgil states as he starts to clean up his gear.

     "Why?"

     "I normally don't do eyebrow piercings because there's a vein near there where it could permanently paralyze you, unless your lucky." He says

     "And your only now telling him?!" Romans gasps and I nod along.

     "Trust me, I know my Shit, I'm trying to be a professional."

     "But your not." I state as he gives me a playful glare.

     "Alright nerd, well I guess i cant call you that anymore, anyways lets go shopping."

     "I love shopping!" Roman smiles happily as we all head out the door

-

We come back with bags upon bags of  grungy/ punk outfits that I personally like, and will make me look 'cooler'

     "Well that's been enough shopping for me, my children and my grandchildren." Virgil says flopping on the couch.

     "Are you serious?" Roman gasps. "It was only 2 and a half hours!" He says

     "Well how long do you normally shop, Mr. Flamboyant over there?" He asks lifting his head from the cushion, just to let it fall back down.

     "I normally go out, and wander around all day, then go home with all my Goods." He states holding his few bags.

     "I'm so happy I'm not you" Virgil stare muffled as I get a call by the one and only Patton.

      "Hey Patton? What's up?" I ask and I hear a weak voice respond

     "Um, are you alone right now?"

     "Uhh." I state walking into Virgil room and locking it behind me. "I am now, what's wrong."

     "So uh, my cousin slipped up that I liked guys at her wedding, and my parents didn't take it well." He states voice cracking.

     "I'm so sorry Patton." I sympathize as my heart breaks for him.

      "It's alright." He sniffs. "But they made me come home early, and I know it's all of a sudden but I need a place to stay, and a ride, and I know that you just got your own place and I don't want to intrude but I-"

     "You can stay with me Patton. Where are you right now?" I say understandingly.

    "I'm out side the airport."

     I'll be right there, luckily for you, I just finished shopping so you can see my new style." I say trying to lighten the conversation.

     "I can't wait." He says and I can hear the soft smile on his face.

     "See I'm a few." I state.

     "Thank you so much Logan, really, and I've been thinking a lot, and I've decided that I got something important to tell you once your here."

     "I can't wait." I say just as he did to me as he hangs up and I open the door to clothes thrown at me."

     "Go to your lover!" Roman squeals as I stare at him and shut the door.

     "I get dressed in a long green shirt with a flower print on it, black skinny jeans and boots as quickly as possible, and I freeze at the door.

"Do you think i can drive all the way to the airport?!" I panic.

" Of course you can! Your a natural, just go on the back roads." He states worring a little since we didnt practice much.

     I soon arrive to the air port where I see Patton with a back pack and I pull up beside him.

     "Hey patton." I smile as I see his jaw drop slightly.

     "Holy fuck." He whispers but quickly turns pink.

     I open my arms as he clings on to me.

"What was the thing you were going to tell me?"

     "I Uhh... I've thought... um." He starts as he pulls away.

     "So, I was talking to Virgil and he made me realize that Ireallyreallylikeyou! Butnowyoulooksogreat! Andidontknowwhattodowithmyself!" He says quickly as my heart speeds up.

     And I do something the nerd I was would have never done. I grab his face and kiss him, and he quickly melts into the kiss. And we break apart smiling.

     "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that." I gasp as Patton blushes.

     "I liked your nerdy style, but I love this one." He states.

     "That's why I did it."

     I watch as his eyes grow wide as he runs his fingers through my hair. "Logan! You shouldn't have changed for me! I was going to ask you out anyway."

     "But I like the style too, so don't worry about that." I reassure him and he stares skeptically.

     "If you say so." He states as I take off his back pack and put it beneath the seat the I get onto my bike.

     "You coming?" I ask as he nods happily and climbs on the back seat, his arms snaking around my waist and as I begin to ride I feel his head lean against my back and I can truly say that this is the happiest I've ever been.

@dailypattondoodle @ashstormfall @loki-god-of-soap