#i can hear the anxiety of the stage managers from here

[ciricegh0st]

lets go girlies i love whatever this is

[seresinhangmanjake]

Because You Stayed

Jake "Hangman" Seresin x female reader

Summary: Your relationship with Jake is new. Very new. Like one-month-old new. Too new for you to be pregnant with his baby, and yet, that's exactly the situation you're facing.

*This fic can be read alone, but it is also a "What if?" scenario for Oh, Baby.*

Warnings/notes: pregnancy, fluff. idk, that's probably it.

Words: 1459

---

It hadn't been long. That was the terrifying bit.

Yes, you'd known him for what felt like ages, but that time spent knowing him was missing the one way you'd always wished to know him most. For a year, you'd dreamed of being with him, pining in silence, until everything changed and you got your wish. 

It had only been a month since you took the risk and kissed him, and you and Jake had certainly used the time wisely. After that one month, you finally, deeply, truly knew him—all of him, in and out, up and down. You knew what made him feel good. You knew how to make him whimper. You knew that every time he came in you, he buried his face in your neck, kissing your sensitive skin with a groan in his throat.

And then suddenly, you knew you were pregnant.

In just thirty days, Jake Seresin managed to knock you up. 

Well, actually, that wasn't so accurate. According to your doctor, it only took your pilot one shot—his first shot with you—to get it done. You'd been pregnant for weeks and hadn't known until you realized you were too often exhausted and had an unusual lack of cramping for the time of the month.

You went through the stages, of course. The denial and acceptance and all those in between as your doctor stared at you, trying to understand the thoughts running through your head. It was wildly overwhelming, certainly. But despite it all, there was one other thing you knew by the time you pulled out of the office's parking lot: 

You wanted your baby. Which meant your entire world was going to flip on its side from that moment on. And after days of thinking, of going back and forth, you decided you were going to do the very same to Jake's. 

—

His mouth was on yours before you could breathe in the piney scent of his cologne. A desperate, greedy taking from your lips as he pushed you up against the closest wall of his home. He enveloped you like a man too long deprived. And you would've let him take you; you and everything he needed to feel good again if only your need to tell him your news wasn't so prevalent in your mind. 

"Jake, wait." The words slipped through the sliver of space that broke your kiss. 

He paused but didn't step away. His closeness kept his mouth brushing against yours, breaths mingling.

"What for?" He whispered.

"Because," you began, eyes slowly grazing up the length of his face until they met the heated stare of his green irises. You swallowed. "We have to talk."

In an instant, he ripped himself from your arms, forcing too many steps between you. Every bit of his body altered to match his frown. Eyebrows dipped in the center. Shoulders slumped forward the slightest. Your muscled man somehow shrunk in size and stature within mere moments.

"I did something, didn't I? I couldn't think of what it was, but I knew there had to be a reason," he said. The pain radiating from his form seeped deep into your pores. "You've been avoiding me for three days."

With a sigh, you said, "I know."

There was a sudden shift, and you could see it in him that he expected you to deny it. That maybe you had a decent excuse for your behavior. Too busy. Too stressed. Too tired to spend time with him. It was clear anything would have sufficed to ease his budding anxiety. Anything but the truth you had for him to hear.

"You're here to tell me we're over," he decided. 

The shock of his words kept you silent. It was the last thing you ever imagined he would believe. After all, you had been the one to take the leap that closed the gap between friendship and something more. He slept in your bed as often as you did in his. Your hearts were equally bare before one another, a development only made from your unwillingness to be without him a second longer. Never---you would never end it with him. But you didn't have time to say so before he was grasping your hands tightly in his. 

"Please," he started. There was a catch in his voice. "Please don't end this."

You shook your head. "Jake, you don't understand."

"Then help me. Explain it to me, Honey. Whatever I did—"

"You didn't do anything," you interjected. Then, considering your words, said, "Well, you did, but so did I."

"You?" he questioned with eyes wide. "Honey, what could you have possibly—"

"Jake, I'm pregnant."

He blinked. And blinked again. Lips parted then closed. One of his hands released yours so it could muss his traditionally neat blond locks, then his eyes fell to your stomach. 

"Pregnant." He stated, no hint of a question behind it. "You're pregnant with…with my…?"

You nodded.

The long breath he expelled ended with a small smile that softly curved the delicate line of his mouth. Barely noticeable. Locking his gaze to yours and noticing your uncertainty, he said, "It's alright. We will figure this out, ok? I promise." Fingertips swept across your cheekbone. "I mean, I can—I can be a dad."

Your jaw slackened. "You want it?"

"Our baby?" he asked, a wobble to his tone. His brows rose as the rest of his features fell from heartbreak. "Don't you?"

You could've fallen apart then, right in front of him, to let out the many sobs you'd held in over the last few days. A bout of carefree weeping just from the pure acceptance Jake was showing you and the child you'd made together. 

"You don't." He once again concluded from your silence.

"No, Jake. I do. I swear I do," you said, rubbing the back of your hand over your nose as you sniffled. "I just didn't think you would. I–I wasn't sure."

"Of course I want our baby," he stressed, squeezing your hands again. 

This distress on his face made something in your chest alternate between gentle flutters and vice-like constricting. To have his unexpected support alone was enough to solidify the concealed love you felt for him. But you couldn't ignore how your questioning and insecurity clearly caused him further hurt.

"You say that so easily without even thinking it over."

"There isn't anything for me to think over, Honey," he said. "It's you."

Whether consciously done or not, Jake's fingers tightened the slightest around yours when you untwined them so you could wrap your arms around his neck. You had no intention of pulling away as he'd somehow thought. You just needed him closer,  more firmly against you. You needed the solidity of his form to hold you together.

Pulling him in, you asked, "Do you really think we can do this?"

Jake's hands curled around your waist. "We can do anything."

"Everyone will think we're insane."

"Well," he sighed, then tugged his bottom lip between his teeth and shrugged. "Probably. But this is our family. No one else's." A smile caused lovely crinkles to form at the corners of his eyes before he rested his forehead on yours. "And we can absolutely do this."

"You won't change your mind, right?"

"Never, Honey," he promised. "The two of you are mine."

—

"Are you nervous?"

Your fingers wove through his hair as his ear was resting against your stomach. Listening for any minute sound. Feeling for even the slightest movement.

His attachment to that part of you had grown exponentially since you started showing, and more often than not, his hands, his cheek, his lips were worshiping your lower abdomen.

"Not nervous," he said, looking up at you. "Excited. I want to see our baby."

There was a prickling in the corners of your eyes at his genuine joy. But that was a constant. Tears were common from the moment you found out when you were pregnant. They managed to come more often when Jake proved how much he loved you. And well, when he finally uttered those three words, your cheeks seemed to be damp on the daily. Everything he gave you, all at once, was so wonderfully overwhelming, and you didn't bother holding back.

Jake didn't shame you for it, either; just simply held you and kissed you and thanked you for being his.

"Do you want the doctor to tell us what it's going to be tomorrow?" You asked. 

"They don't have to. I already know."

You chuckled at his smirk, and in your testing tone, said, "Is that so? And what is our child, Lieutenant Seresin?"

"Oh, a girl. Definitely a girl," he said, laying his head back down close to your stomach. "You'll see."

-

Tags: @wkndwlff @kmc1989 @sagittarius-flowerchild @dempy @oliviah-25 @rosiahills22 @xoxabs88xox @matisse556 @hardballoonlove @ssa-sadboi @lynnevanss @pono-pura-vida @tgmreader @amgluvsbooks @ravenhood2792 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @abaker74 @novagreen04 @multifandomlover4life @mayhemmanaged @memeorydotcom @ryiamarie @ateliefloresdaprimavera

[sulfursmells]

S is for Smelly

“I won? I WON!!! OMG” That was me about 7 hours ago. I received an email saying that I won the sweepstakes to spend a recording session with one of my fav idols S.Coups from seventeen. I’ve dreamed of having a chance to talk and admire him up close. He’s charming voice, well chiseled face and abs. Not to mention his big, soft melon sized ass. I always wanted to get a closer look and this is that chance. Let’s skip a little to when I arrived at the studio. I was basically shaking with excitement and anxiety about finally meeting my idol.

After walking in I met his manager who asked me to sign an NDA. Which I didn’t question sing any music and conversation should stay within the room though I did see a strange word in there that I didn’t really think about. “Did that say gas?” I asked myself after signing my name and walking towards the studio. I look through the doors window to see S.Coup sitting in a chair wearing a white shirt and tight white pants, glistening with sweat as if he just stepped off the stage. I hastily open the door and walk in introducing myself. “Hi I’m ..” he quickly interrupts me and says, “come here and let’s get started.” I start walking towards him , when I turn my attention to the door that I just walked through lock behind me. In an instant his calm, constructed idol personal fell revealing something I wasn’t expecting.

“Get down here right now” is all I hear before my world goes dark. I feel the embrace of his Jean covered ass envelope my entire face not leaving any space for anything but air. His ass carrying the scent of musk and sweat dripping onto my face as if he just finished a workout, which he might have by the smell of it. “I get complaints from the staff about my musk and gas. They say I leave the room almost uninhabitable after an editing session” he says as he starts to grind my face deeper into the seat. “So until I’m done you’re going to be my little seat protector, isn’t that exciting” he says as he starts to giggle.

Is this why I was brought here? To be nothing mod than the seat of my favorite idol? This is …….. hot. What kind of fan would I be if I didn’t help my fav keep up his reputation. With that decision made S.Coups raises his butt up a bit letting me see again as he removes his pants then boxers. His fat vulumptous cheeks pouring out of his tight boxers, as sweat drips onto my face. “Ahhhhhh I have to sir it out you know?”he says. I can’t see his face but I know he has a smirk on while saying all of this.Staring up and taking in the scenery, as his melon sized cheeks start to make their descent. “Be a good fan and try not to make too much noise, I still have some work to do. Thanks in advance” was the last words I heard. His ass easily enclosed my entire head only the heavy smell of musk that could rival 4 bony builders after a workout was left.

Then I heard it the gurgle of his stomach as he leans a bit to the left. A torrent of hot gas as bad as a dumpster fire hit me in the face going straight up my noose. I start to gag and cough, flailing about underneath S.Coups. “Can you quiet down, this is a job only my number one fan can do. If you do it well I’ll give you a little present at the end” he says. A present I wonder what it could be, “Do you understand?” S.Coups asks. I respond with a muffled yes and steel myself for what comes next.

“Fair warning, I get pretty gassy after practice so prepare yourself” then he sits full weight on my face. Then came the constant blasts, each one ranging from long silent hissing to loud bassy trumpets, actually it could rival a trumpet with how loud it was. Each one so hot adding my own sweat on top of the sweat the would drip off his cheek. After about a two hours he finally got up, giving me the first sight of light and fresh air in a while. When I got up I coughed and took a deep breath thinking I survived just to breathe in the scent that was dense in the room. “Damn I hoped that you would sniff them all up, I’m going to get in trouble again. Guess you have to be punished for not doing your job!” With that S.Coups pushes my body against the door pinning my face between the door and his ass. “ I would say I’m sorry but I’d be lying, say goodnight!!” I heard a grunt and then a fart that lasted way longer than any of his previous blasts fogging up the window on the door, rivaling the smell of a skunk and a garbage truck combined. Everything goes black.

I wake up and check around the room, S.Coup is nowhere to be found but his smell still stains the room even with the door open. I check my watch and four hours since my experience with him. I go walk towards my bag and find a sign cd from him and was elated that at least I got something from this experience, though I fire I didn’t entirely hate it. I rush home to play the cd, avoiding streets with a lot of people since the stench of his ass and gas was scorched onto my clothes. I rush into my room and pop the cd into my laptop and hear S.Coup start talking, “thank you to my number one fan for a fun experience” I start to blush thinking that the entire experience was worth it. Then I hear one of his notorious blasts come through the speaker of my laptop and my coughing in the background. “HE RECORDED THE WHOLE THING”, I sit back in embarrassment and then catch a whiff of my hoodie which he imprinted his scent onto. I start to sniff the hoodie and listen to his blast at the same time reliving my wonderfully smelly S.Coup Experience.

[alastor-is-best-deer-boi]

Cute Lucifer, Lilith, and baby Charlie headcanons

Under the cut so I don't dash stretcher spam someone

Was absolutely overjoyed when Lilith told him he was going to be a father. Probably got teary-eyed let's be real.

Immediately started planning stuff with Lilith even though they had nine months, he wanted to be prepared.

Really hated seeing Lilith feeling ill and not feeling good in general. Helped her with whatever he could.

It got to the point that he became a little too helpful and overprotective. Lilith had to quickly remind him that she could still do plenty of things.

Before they decided on names, he'd call the baby "Duckling"

Originally thought it would've been strange talking to Duckling before they were born but sort of fell into the habit of it. Started telling hem about everything.

Charlie definitely recognized both of her parents' voices when she was born because of this.

Lucifer and Lilith going baby clothes shopping! Once they found out they were having a girl, Lucifer had the urge to buy all the cutest little dresses.

Attempted to build the crib but didn't understand the instructions (Lilith had to help)

Multiple instances of reality sinking in for him that he was going to be a father which caused some anxiety about if he'd be good at being a father or not.

He and Lilith were there for each other about each of their worries, which helped.

Reading a lot of baby books helped too.

Panicked more than Lilith when she went into labor but quickly managed to pull himself together because he didn't want to make it worse.

Was by Lilith's side the whole time, never wanted to leave her. Most supportive husband.

Definitely cried a little when Charlie was born.

Fun fact one of the first colors babies see is red, which means Charlie really paid attention to her dad's eyes 🥹

He came up with the Char Char nickname soon after she was born.

Loved to hold her, loved all the "baby cuddles" as he put it.

Got so much cute aggression/overwhelmed with love that he'd bury his face into Lilith's shoulder (while they were all cuddling together) and mutter about how he couldn't take how cute Charlie was.

His favorite thing to do was kiss the cute little circles on Charlie’s cheeks.

Lucifer always volunteered to take care of Charlie when she woke up in the night or at the very least brought Charlie to her mother so Lilith wouldn't have to get out of bed to feed her.

He loved all the important skin-to-skin time, holding a sleepy Charlie against his chest and hear her calm breathing.

Both parents made sure to keep a baby book and write in it constantly as well as taking baby photos.

There was no reason for either of them to wear their usual fancy clothes so Lucifer and Lilith were out here wearing t-shirts and sweat pants on a regular basis.

Lucifer got really excited when Charlie entered her babbling stage. Would always talk to her despite getting babbles in response.

Lucifer and Lilith singing lullabies to Charlie is a given.

Lucifer and Lilith having a friendly competition to see if Charlie would say Mama or Dada first.

Charlie ended up saying Duck. (Lucifer considered it a win)

Her second word was Mama. And then Dada was third.

Lucifer actively holding back tears when he'd hear Charlie’s happy giggles.

Lucifer doing the parent thing of pretending to eat her little fingers and feet to make her laugh.

Lucifer: "Charlie can crawl now!" *realizing his baby can basically free roam now" "Charlie can crawl now... oh no"

They extra baby proofed the castle when that happened.

Lucifer and Lilith cheering and encouraging Charlie when she took her first steps.

Lucifer and Lilith trying not to laugh when Charlie would try new foods like ice cream or a lemon.

*Charlie lovingly aggressively patting Lucifer's face* Lucifer: "Charlie, I know you're a baby and you're not good at this yet, but you're going to take my eye out"

Whenever Charlie does a certain thing, Lilith and Lucifer discuss who she learned it from.

Charlie copying her father's expressions a lot and Lilith laughing saying how similar they are (Lucifer doesn't see it)

*that one scene from Modern Family but it's Lucifer and Lilith trying to get Charlie out of the car after accidentally locking her in*

Lucifer flying while holding Charlie and letting her "fly" around the castle.

Lilith is always like "Not too high!"

Lucifer carrying Charlie around in a baby carrier or sling(?)

Lucifer coming up with excuses every time he brings Charlie to a meeting.

Lilith very gently playing "toss little Charlie like a sack of potatoes" on the bed or anywhere with a lot of cushions (Lucifer almost always has an aneurysm watching this despite nothing bad happening)

Charlie always getting plenty of cuddles and kisses from her parents :')

Lilith: "Luce, you can't cry every time Charlie cries..." Lucifer 😢 "watch me"

Charlie’s parents always telling her bedtime stories.

Lucifer: "Charlie fell asleep on me and now I can't move"

Charlie having glow up stars on her bedroom ceiling that work as night lights.

Lucifer out somewhere with Charlie: "It's getting late, I better get this one home" Charlie, sleepy but fighting it: "No.. no, no, no" Lucifer amused: "Yesss"

Charlie going to her parents every time there's loud thunder or something and them holding her and making her feel safe.

Charlie having bad dreams and insisting on sleeping in her parents' bed when she's scared. (Lucifer can never tell her no)

Little Charlie trying to get her parents' attention: "Look! Look! Watch!" *does a little spin and a hop* Lucifer and Lilith clapping: "Good job!!"

Lilith: "Charlie, we color on paper, not the floor" Charlie: "No I just 'tending" Lilith: "But you are coloring the floor, do you want some paper?" Charlie aggressively shoving the crayons away: "All done!"

Charlie always coming up with the craziest games to play. Lucifer is constantly confused but goes along with it.

Lucifer and Lilith telling each other crazy things Charlie did at the end of the day after she's gone to bed.

Lucifer getting emotional every now and then about how fast Charlie is growing up. :( Lilith's feels the same and they try to comfort each other.

Ending on a happier note, Charlie drawing pictures for her parents. Lilith keeps them on the fridge. Lucifer keeps some framed in his office.

That's all I have for now.

[lucysgraybird]

Billy x female reader where she gets the same sickness as her mother and brother but she manages to survive and he takes her to their graves (yep long hours traveling) just to share that part of his past with her because he loves her and is glad she survived because he wouldn’t have bared another lose

hiiii this is so brutally late. im sorry. ive also adjusted a little because i wanted to write it but im so bad at writing travel and couldn't figure out a way to do it that didn't feel drawn out but i can do a part 2 if u want!!

warnings: dscs of death and illness

Billy feels like he's been living in a haze. First a haze of ignorance, pretending that he didn't recognize the wet, hacking sound of the coughs you muffled into your elbow, that the way your brow bloomed with dry heat didn't throw him back into the pit of being seventeen and curled around his mother's febrile form. Then a moment of clarity, like a bucket of ice dumped over his head, when the doctor touched his elbow and confirmed consumption. Finally, and he can't decide which stage he's hated most, a thick fog of despair and desperation, rimy water dripping from washcloths down his arm in twin trails to the sweat he's wiping from your forehead, trying to convince himself of minute drops in your dogged temperature. He nurses broth down your raw throat and prayers up his own, pleas to a God he might not believe in to just leave him with something good in this world and pleas to himself to believe that this time will be different.

And he might just make a return to church, because his calls are answered. Slowly, like a slug creeping to salt, you recover. Color fades from the pyretic spots high on your cheeks and returns to the rest of your face, you sleep through the night without a coughing fit tearing you awake. The brightness in your eyes starts to look more lively and less dazed, and eventually you're strong enough to stand and bathe. Billy helps you into the tub and then opts to sit outside the door -- close enough that his anxiety isn't spiking, that if something happens he can help, but far enough that you can regain some of the autonomy that is ripped away in illness.

He'll never quite figure out why he says this. Maybe it’s the dim candlelight, coaxing the world out of reality and into a dream, a place where anything that happens will stay forever locked somewhere out of time. Maybe it’s that he wants to pretend you have the kind of relationship that demands this honesty, because you've said “‘Til death do us part” and meant it and so he owes you his greatest love and his deepest fears. He'd give you the former without question, of course, but he's still practicing that the latter is an unavoidable sidecar to that kind of devotion.

"I thought you were going to die," he says, and his stomach immediately twists in shame. You're recovering still, and here he is making it about himself. When you don't say anything, surely listening in that tranquil, soft-eyed way that you somehow always managed, he continues.

"I wish you could've met my ma. She was...good, like you. At her core, that's all there was, this sturdy kindness that I never understood how she maintained. Sometimes she'd say that when good people died young, it meant that God thought that spirit belonged more in Heaven than on Earth, and I was so scared that he got...impatient again, with you, and I was so scared that..."

Silence for a moment, then your voice, still hoarse:

"I would've liked to meet her too. She must have been quite the woman, to have raised someone like you."

Billy snorts out a laugh. "Something like that."

There's the sound of sloshing, and Billy can see the way your spine curves in his mind's eye, chest pressed to your thighs and chin rested on your knee. He can hear the way the position stretches your neck in your voice when you speak.

"I'm not letting anyone take me away from you. I don't care how much I'm needed somewhere else, I need to be here with you. You make it easy to be this good, Billy. It isn't in spite of yourself that you always manage to find warmth; there isn't a fire I've found that...exists without stoking."

Tears prickle his eyes and his throat tightens so that the next deep breath he takes squeaks like his voice is dropping again. He can't bring himself to use the crackly tone he knows is the only one he can access now.

"We should visit your ma," you suggest. "Someone's gotta tell her what a wonderful young man she raised."

"Her grave is far," he manages, though the end of the sentence cracks and so does the dam, silent tears streaking his face. In all truth, it's not outrageously far, but he's been scared to visit. Scared to tell his ma who he's had to (chosen to?) become, scared she'll smell the gunsmoke that seems to cling to his hands and clothes and memories, scared she'll meet the ghosts that have become more like his shadow.

There's the patter of wet feet on the bathroom floor and he stands with the intention of making himself scarce by the time you emerge, leaving nothing but the pale ghost of his vulnerability on the floor outside the bathroom as proof of the wall that just crumbled there. He'll calm in bed until you're done bathing, and hope for your mercy in disregarding his momentary fragility. But the door clicks open and there you are in your nightgown. There you are with your skin scrubbed clean, you with your hair in the braid you wear to sleep. There you are with tears on your face, with your arms open to him like the Virgin Mary, offering a forgiveness that he doesn't deserve. The guilt of this will carve stigmata into his hands later, nailing him to the cross of his history, but for now he takes the pity and collapses into you.

"We'll start out tomorrow," you say, overcoming the awkward angle your height difference creates to pet his hair. "I'd like to meet her. We should bring her flowers."

[neotomiccccc]

All Saints Street Infection Au!

I know I cant be the only one whose tiktok fyp is full of mlp infection videos atm and if theres one thing i love its SMASHING my interests together like theyre fucking cymbals SO HERES THE FIRST POST OF MY WSJ VIRUS/APOCALYPSE AU...

The breakdown is this:

A virus breaks out which can affect humans and monsters alike. There is no known cure except for swift amputation of the infected area. Once a certain amount of time has passed, it's too late for this to happen, and the diseased will slowly succumb to a mutated state, before finally death.

Angels, for the first few weeks of the viruses existence, are found to be naturally immune to the disease. It's theorised that this is because of their purifying properties.

Neil is infected with the disease by the fourth week since the outbreak, and by week five is in the middle stages. He hasn't told anyone out of fear, and also out of denial and the belief he'll just get better. He doesn't. At some point, he struggles to hide his symptoms anymore and Lily is the one to discover his infection. Together they make the difficult decision that Lily will have to kill Neil as an act of mercy before he gets any worse and becomes dangerous. Lynn hears Lily crying, and finds her sobbing over Neil's body. The two return to camp and are forced to tell Nick what happened - they are unable to bring Neil back with them because of the infection risk.

Lily has taken the role of defending the makeshift camp from the mutated late-stage diseased. She is ambitious, but Neil's death is traumatic for her and she often finds her brain foggy and dull where she used to be concentrated and sharp. After a small injury, Lynn begs and even forbids Lily from fighting off the diseased until she is fully healed, but Lily can't cope with the thought of putting more people, especially her brother, in danger by not fighting. While defending the base, Lily becomes overwhelmed and while her death is brutal, it is at the very least, swift.

Nick is bitten on the lower leg very early on, and Lynn has to amputate in order to stop the disease from spreading. This is successful, but it does leave Nick with a severe disadvantage. Despite this, he is very resourceful, a fast thinker and a great resource at the base. After Neil's death, he goes into denial, partially blaming himself for not keeping a closer eye on his little brother. As time goes on, the nightmares and dreams about Neil become too much for him, and he almost stops sleeping altogether. This only furthers his worsening mental health, and he slowly becomes more impulsive and aggressive.

Lynn originally served as a medic and healer for the group, being the one to deal with wounds and examine potential infections. Despite being the most calm and put-together individual at the start of the outbreak, he suffers a brutal downfall. Shortly after the news comes out that the virus has mutated so that angels are no longer immune, Lynn loses the vast majority of his wings to a mutant - and only a few days after, Lily is killed in a similar incident. After losing Lily and suffering severe physical and psychological trauma, Lynn is reduced to a state where he very rarely speaks or does anything other than stare off into the distance. Nick and he still spend a lot of time together despite this, even if there is not much conversation to be had.

Characters that I haven't drawn in this AU yet:

Abu's anxieties become his saviour - by barricading himself in his own shelter and rarely leaving, Abu manages to survive despite minor injuries through sheer isolation. This does mean however, that he is needed more and more as others begin to succumb to the illness. Will he be able to overcome his fear, or is it better to stay holed up until a cure is found?

Ira gets infected during the fifth week, but the virus goes unnoticed in him for quite a while, as he does not show regular symptoms and is a bit of an anomaly. He also does not know he has been infected until he begins to lose himself. By the time Ira knows what's happening, he's already too far gone.

Damao is infected by a stray dog very early into the outbreak. He quickly notices his body beginning to rot and fearing for the safety of his friends, he runs away and goes into hiding. The next time the group sees damao, he has to fight for internal control in order not to hurt anyone, and does so for just enough time for the group to escape. The time after that, the group run into a horribly mutated monster that barely resembles a canine anymore.

Luis is confused at first about his potential immunity - he's already a zombie, but as it would seem, this virus is a different beast entirely, so he's not as immune as he thought. He manages to last a while, despite losing several body parts, but he too eventually is infected by a mutant, and transforms before the group.

Momo was one of the first to be infected, catching the virus from a stray cat. She is the reason that the group realise the severity and true horror of the virus - seeing her mutilated state is enough to convince anyone to abandon the city and run for a rural area to go into hiding.

Crystal is tough and is used to fighting. She doesn't hesitate to put mutants out of their misery, even though their screams haunt her later. By virtue of her toughness and perseverance, she is able to be one of the few survivors, but she struggles to deal with the amount of blood on her hands, even if she knows it was the only thing she could have done.

[herejusttosufferalong]

I have some thoughts I don’t think have been shared yet regarding L & A. I know we all sense this relationship has an expiration date, but I’d like to take it a step further on why I believe we collectively see it with more nuance. I’ll state first that this is just my opinion based on what I’ve seen come out of L/A on social media. However I don’t know them personally, so keep that in mind. Based on what we’ve seen L say regarding his anxiety/adhd and his behavior with past relationships publicly, I’ve always perceived that L has an anxious attachment style when it comes to his personal relationships. 

With that said, I think A also has an anxious attachment style based on the way she behaves on SM and the constant need to “claim” L in whatever way she can. The need to post anything that draws attention to herself whenever she feels “threatened” by BTon/N content.

The thing here is that two people with anxious attachment style can make a relationship work because they understand each other on a different level. They tend of bond over their fears and insecurities which bonds them emotionally at the early stages of a relationship. They then provide each other with mutual understanding and validation. I feel like the Anon’s that send in the “A & L are endgame” posts say this because they recognize the attachment style between the two of them. It’s more than likely they they also have an anxious attachment style; we tend to look for confirmation bias. 

While these relationships can work for a while; they usually don’t. It’s also statistically unlikely without professional help. These connections tend to be based on shared anxieties and not on genuine compatibility.  Inevitability both parties will need more from the other person, usually more than the other person can give. There is a higher level of conflict, controlling behaviors in attempt to easy their own anxiety, and it eventually the communication becomes challenging.

For two people with anxious attachment styles to successfully manage a relationship; they both need to do personal healing/growth individually, set boundaries around their relationship, and ultimately encourage independence from one another to build trust and reduce anxiety. As of right now, we see L and A together none stop since the London premiere so it’s safe to say that they aren’t encouraging that independence; instead they are leaning into their co-dependency. This is a lot of work, something that I don’t think L is ready to do. It requires a lot of maturity on the mans part. Also I believe A is too young to have the self awareness to acknowledge her attachment style and understand the work it would take to make this a long lasting relationship. If they do end up making this relationship work long term then I’ll be the first to give them all the deserved kudos for putting in the level of work required, as most mature adults can barely make relationships thrive long term. However, IMO they’ll hit an expiration date at some point. 

I have some additional thoughts on Nic/Luke as well around attachment style if anyone is interested? 

while i personally pegged this to L a long time ago I never even considered it for A but it makes a lot of sense.

would absolutely love to hear your thoughts on N/L

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Survival | Coda

Okay, so, I just read Survival, and. yus. (/pos) All I keep thinking about is what if the Others encounter (their) human Virgil having an anxiety attack or feeling very overwhelmed & panicked? Like...how would they handle that? Would they have help from someone who knows a bit more about humans' nervous system? Would they also kinda freak out because they don't know how to help Virgil calm down? – anon

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: panic attack

Pairings: none

Word Count: 1682

"Roman? Remus, report to Engineering Main Hub." "What did you do," Roman mutters as they leave their stations, eyestalks flicking back and forth, "what didn't you do?" "It wasn't me! I didn't do anything wrong!" "You know that just makes you sound more suspicious, right?" Or, Virgil has a panic attack, and Roman and Remus are called in to help.

"Roman? Remus, report to Engineering Main Hub."

"What did you do," Roman mutters as they leave their stations, eyestalks flicking back and forth, "what didn't you do?"

"It wasn't me! I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You know that just makes you sound more suspicious, right?"

"Look, all I'm saying is that it wasn't my fault that the quantum field generator was out of alignment this morning because I spent four matrons aligning it last shift and when I left, everyone including Lieutenant Alvarez signed off on it saying it was fine, so if it's messed up again, it's not on me!"

"That's a lot of words for 'I don't know what I did this time.'"

Remus shoves him as his mandible chitters and the two of them manage to make it the rest of the way to the reporting station without breaking anything. It's a close thing, but they manage it. The supervising officer looks up and sighs, gesturing toward the ducts.

"You two are close with Human Virgil, aren't you?"

"We're friendly," Roman says, "but I wouldn't say close."

"That's good enough."

"What's happened with Virgil?"

The officer sighs again—that's probably not good. "I don't know exactly what's going on. Medical Officer Patton is over there, he's got a better grasp of humans than the rest of us on staff here, ask him."

"With all due respect," Remus points out, "we're not exactly experts on humans either, I'm not sure we're qualified to—"

"Well, the human's the one asking for you, so when they're in a state where they can talk coherently again, you can ask them."

Three things occur to both of them at rather alarming speeds.

One: Virgil is asking for them specifically.

Two: Virgil is not currently in a state where they can explain why they've asked for the two of them specifically.

Three: Virgil is so much in a state where they cannot speak coherently that a medical officer has been summoned.

"Where are they?"

The officer jabs a tentacle toward the ducts and they're off, dodging other crew members and murmuring apologies for their brusque journey across the floor, mandibles chittering rapidly. Sure enough, by the time they round the corner to reach the stairs leading up to the overlooking platform, they can hear the soft voice of the medical officer murmuring something.

"That's it, you're doing very well. Keep trying to take deep breaths, okay? That will help stabilize the oxygen levels in your body, which will help bring about the end of this."

"I know that—it's just—I can't—I—I—"

"You can. I know it seems hard right now—"

"No shit!"

"Medical Officer Patton?" Remus calls as they reach the top of the stairs. "We were called, is everything…?"

Roman shoves Remus aside as he too makes it to the platform, trying to see what's caused Remus to stop so suddenly. He then slams to a halt when he sees the bright blue of the medical officer's uniform nearly covering a small, curled-up ball of dark fabric that appears to be shuddering. Before he can ask if this is another stage of human development they're unaware of, part of the blob lifts and he lets out a soothing rumble before he realizes it.

Virgil, their human, is curled up so tightly in a little ball that it must be painful, and his face is all red and blotchy and—leaking?

"Virgil?" Remus's voice drops to the low register they use to communicate with fresh hatchlings, crouching down to make his silhouette smaller. "What's going on?"

"You—you came—you actually—actually—"

"Easy," Patton says gently as another horrible noise leaves Virgil's lips, "don't try and speak too much, you'll over stress your system. Here, let me—"

He reaches into the small toolkit on his belt and retrieves a comfort canister. A light hissing fills the air as it decompresses, the blanket within growing larger and larger until he can drape it over Virgil's shaking shoulders. The human lets out another thorax-wrenching noise as he huddles under the soft blue fabric, taking a fistful and bringing it to cover his mouth.

"What's happening?" Roman asks, crouching down too. "How long has this been going on?"

"I was called a few malton units ago," Patton explains, his eyes still on Virgil curled up under the blanket, "about a crew member in distress. He appears to be otherwise uninjured. I believe this is an exacerbated response from his nervous system."

"Is this related to his parasite?"

Patton's head whips around. "Parasite?"

"Not a literal parasite, uh, Roman, help me out—"

"I think he calls it anxiety? It's not actually a parasite, he just described it like that to us once—"

"Ah, yes, anxiety, I'm familiar with the term in humans. Yes, I think this is part of it. It's not uncommon for humans with anxiety to experience periods of time where their systems is overloaded with instincts that are not applicable to their current situation."

"Their system attacks itself?"

"In a manner of speaking. I believe human experts refer to them as 'panic attacks.'"

Roman blinks with both eyestalks. "Well, that sounds…unpleasant."

"No shit," comes Virgil's voice through the blanket, "it's a bitch and a half."

"Do you normally measure inconveniences in female dog lengths?"

"Figure of speech." The rattling breaths haven't stopped yet, and they can hear a few more drops of liquid hit the grating. "Shit."

"How can we help?"

"Protocol suggests surrounding the crew member with those familiar to them," Patton explains, "who may be able to offer comfort and security."

"O-oh."

The human thinks they're…safe? They've not had more than half a dozen conversations and they're nowhere near approaching brood mate status, they've not even seen each other that many times off shift. But Virgil is extremely distressed and if they can help, well, what are they supposed to do, refuse?

"What do we do?"

"Virgil?" Patton rests a hand carefully on the top of the blanket-human pile. "Roman and Remus would like to help. What would you like them to do?"

"Can—can you come closer?"

Both of them skitter along the platform and bracket the pile on either side. Patton removes his hand and shuffles back to give them space. Roman bumps an eyestalk against Remus as Remus lies flat, making it easier for Virgil to see him without having to move his head so much.

"Hi," he chirps, some of his feelers playing gently with the edge of the blanket. "We're right here. You look like a hatchling all curled up in the blanket."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Do you know a lot about how our species nests?"

"No."

"We make these really big colonies that are just devoted to rearing the young. We gather supplies from everywhere we can to make the environment as safe for them as possible."

"Which in Remus's case, means getting rid of all the dangerous things he hoards like a ravenous purple worm."

"Hey!"

"It's true," Roman says, stroking the blanket, "but once that's all done, we get these big bunches of fluff from the canyon lands and make nests out of them, kind of like this. Then we wrap the young in them so their limbs can get used to having ambient pressure and sensation in a safe way before they're big enough to try moving on their own."

"That's why I said you look kind of like a new hatchling, all bundled up."

Virgil sniffles, wiping at his face. "That sounds nice."

"Why are you leaking," Roman asks gently, "is there something we can patch?"

"'M not leaking, 'm just crying."

"Crying is something humans do to cope with overwhelming emotions in their systems," Patton adds quietly when they still look confused, "it helps with the release of extra things that re-stabilizes them."

"Oh. Keep doing it, then."

A watery huff. "I'm not gonna be able to stop anytime soon, don't worry."

"Do you want us to keep talking?"

"Y-yeah. Um, what are the canyon lands like?"

"They're these massive stretches of bare rock that reach from one side of the planet to the other. They're very treacherous for single or even double exploration teams, so we have to go in really big groups to be able to get around them safely." Remus's eyestalks wave back and forth. "There's not a lot of cover out there so we gotta be able to have eyes in all directions."

"It also gets really hot because of that," Roman adds, "so we take turns being at the top of the group."

"What do you mean, 'at the top?'"

"Oh, sorry—we travel in a horde when we go out in groups that big to make it easier on our legs for long distances. The ones at the bottom provide the power to keep the group going, the ones at the top are the eyes for the rest of us, and the ones in the middle provide stability to make sure no one gets left behind."

"That's…cool."

"But it gets really hot at the top so we change positions every so often to keep the group moving and stable."

"I don't get hot as easily as Roman does—"

"Hey!"

"—so I get to spend more time at the top."

"You just hate having to walk for yourself when you don't absolutely have to."

"I'll have you know I'm still the winner of the Marsh Dash for three galactic cycles in a row and you've never gotten in the top 200."

"Yeah, but that's for your pride."

Remus chitters in an affronted way and Virgil makes another little one of those watery laughs. The engine hums around them, just like the thriving colony of a healthy hive.

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[jakesgalxy]

09.It actually went well ?

Yn walked back and fourth anxiously in her makeup room. "Fuck my life I think am gonna die what if niki thinks am a weirdo ? Omg this is so embarrassing " She said to herself. After few mins her manager entered the room "Yn we need to go on set now niki is already there " he said. "Manager nim is it too late to go home now ?" Yn said with hope in eyes. Her manager just sighed. "Yn its gonna be okay. Just think this as your another shoot. I know you have anxiety but you're gonna be just fine trust me " He said with a small smile. Yn calmed down a little and said " But niki-" "NOTHING will happen. Be professional and think niki as just another person you're working with and you'll be fine". Yn wasn't convinced but still smiled a little " Thankyou ". " yeah yeah let's go now".

They reached the set when niki and his manager were standing. The moment yn saw niki she froze for a min. The manager say it and whispered "get it together yn". Yn came back to her senses and nodded. They both went forward and niki finally saw her. "Oh fuck she has gotten even prettier over these months". His manager nudged him and cleared his throat. Both the managers hugged each other leaving both the idols awkwardly. " Hello niki I am yn's manager and this is yn she will be mentoring with you in this show" said manager lee. Niki bowed and yn bowed back. " Hi, its nice to meet you" niki said with an awkward smile. "Same here" yn said trying to keep her cool. The managers shoot each knowing eyes and smiled nodding their head. Niki's manager cleared his throat and said "Its starting please pay attention they will call you on stage any second". The host of the show introduced the main judges and then the participants group by group. Then after finishing the last group he said " Its the time all of you had been waiting for. To mentor these participants we have two special guests who are the it dancers of 4th gen and are winning everyone's heart. Please welcome New jeans' Yn and enhypen's niki". Everyone cheered as both of them made their way to the stage. "Hello everyone this is niki from enhypen" Niki said bowing. "Hi everyone this is yn from new jeans" yn said bowing. The host clapped and said " For today you guys don't have to do anything, there's your seats you can sit there and judge the participants and let them know where they could improve or express how you felt about there performance". Both the idols thanked him and went to their assigned seats. Throughout the show they both focused on the performances sharing their views and giving advices to the participants.

After the show was over both we sitting together in the makeup room talking about certain things as they are no longer awkward with each other. "Wait how long have you been dancing tho ?" Niki said while sipping his americano. " Since I was 3 " yn said casually. "NO WAY ME TOO" Niki said putting his hand to do hi five. "WAIT FOR REAL ?" Yn said returning the hi five even though she obviously knew this information. "She's so cute trying to act like this is the first time she's hearing it" niki thought to himself smiling a little. Niki thought that maybe he should tell her that he knows yn is an engene. "Yn I wanted to tell you some-" "Lets go now" manager lee said cutting him off

and coming into the room. "We're leaving now ?" Yn said being a little sad. "Yes yn unfortunately because the show is over and you have a photoshoot right now" Manager said. "But niki was going to tell me something-" "I'll tell you later" niki said quickly. "Alright then" yn said. "bye bye niki see you next week" yn waved. Niki waved back "byeee yn !" with a smile.

Previous | Masterlist | Next

AERA'S NOTE :- HI ANGELSS !!!! A written chapter finally !! Hope you like it and comments and reblongs are very appreciated <3

Taglist :- @naijmi @eupherbia @kgneptun @kittyeij @imyourjoy0 @mrowwww @im-yn-suckers @ibsysbsfsunsbs @lillians-world-is-f1 @sunshinessky @hoondiors

[darkphoenix07]

i suffer from panic disorder and usually nothing can calm me down i just have to work through the panic attacks and breathing tricks don’t help. the only thing that’s ever worked is when i was in the middle of one and someone grabbed my face and put our foreheads together and kept saying “i’m here i’m not letting you go and i see you” and had me repeat things like “i’m safe i’m with you”. so i’m thinking say you’re at an ateez concert backstage bc you’re dating a member and for some reason at one point you get overwhelmed and start having an attack. you know the boys will be coming off of stage soon for a quick break so you start walking away so you can panic away from everyone but your boyfriend notices and refuses to get back on stage until he’s helped you thru the attack (like i mentioned above). i’ve been having yunho brainrot recently but also with mingi’s own struggles with anxiety i can see him in this scenario too. one of them would be great!

Yunho prioritizing your mental health over his concert

Mental health request

Masterlist

Paring : Yunho x Reader

Genre : Sweet, Angst, Anxiety attack, Panic disorder

Music : Shout out by Enhypen x Taylor Swift Blank space

7:32 p.m.

The boys have just finished their practice and everyone is getting fresh one by one for getting their makeup done. You are sitting with San as he is talking nonsense about his cat. But your eyes on the way Yunho is going to enter. It has been one year since you guys started dating and your life has become heaven from then.

Yunho is the boy you always thought he was seeing him on screen but other than that, he is so protective and cautious about your needs. He notices the little things you do, he is also good at remembering dates, he is good at calming you down whenever you need to. Even the boys have accepted you like you are their family member and that's why you are always with them in the backstage whenever you can when their concert occurs.

You hype them up on stage and off. Everyone knows about your relationship with him, without the fans. You haven't revealed it officially yet as it can effect on his career. He insisted but didn't because Korean fans can get kinda toxic regarding idol relationship.

"There you are," you look at him all dressed in white, hair still wet and a broad smile beaming on his face.

"San, will you leave my girlfriend alone for God's sake? Wherever I'm not around, you are around her like a lost puppy," he says taking your hand, pulling you towards him and your forehead hit his chest.

"Calm down, big man. Not everyone wants to take your girlfriend away. I was having a cat talk with your girlfriend who happens to be my friend too," he says.

"Whatever, piss off," he says and San leaves rolling his eyes.

He kisses your forehead and stares at you, "If I didn't have to dance now, I would do forbidden things with you right now."

"Seriously? You have a concert to attend and you are talking about sex?" You hit his chest playfully and his smile gets bigger, "I'll miss you."

"I'll be some feet away," You tell him and hug him but the hug doesn't last longer as he gets a call from manager for doing his makeup.

After he leaves, you sit there alone. You are not allowed in the makeup room as Yunho gets distracted a lot. You think of roaming around for a while and have some chips.

As you walk around the corridor, you hear some girl talking about you, "I don't understand how Yunho is so obsessed with her. She isn't even that pretty let alone rich."

Another male voice says, "Even I wouldn't fuck her but Yunho seems like he wants to gift her stars. That's too shitty."

They are the staff, you don't see their face neither recognize them but their small talk was enough to make your heart heavy.

You've always thought about what have you done to have someone like Yunho in your life. He is an international star where you are just a normal college girl. Nowhere you deserved him because you are not as pretty as the girls who would give their life to become his.

But he chose you, wanted you, cared for you. Why? You don't even deserve it, you are not even a good person. You were awful to your friends and family, they all dislike you for your smart mouth as they said. You always talked a lot and they were all shit.

But Yunho always loved how clumsy and talkative you were. How lost you were always in your own world and that's how he became a part of it too.

But your hands start trembling at the thought that you are a burden, a distraction for Yunho. No one is going to accept you as his girlfriend because you are no match compared to him. You are nothing and he is everything. Every staff, every fan, every person he knows and doesn't know love him. On the other hand, people hate you, never loved you as much as he did. Then? How did you become someone worthy of love by him?

You feel so overwhelmed that your mind starts getting filled with toxic conversation of how undeserving you are of love, care and warmth. How you shouldn't live and how you are not good for Yunho. He is going to get rid off you too because you are too much to tolerate. Your head become a mess with thoughts colliding with each other.

You tried breathing, thinking about something else but your heart aches and your knees feel weak. You hold on to a railing as you whimper trying not to cry out loud, you grab your stomach as it hurts too much. Breathing comes hard for you as your body sink on the floor.

There their opening time is up but Yunho wants to say goodbye to you and you haven't even hyped them yet. He asks everyone where you are and starts looking for you. They tell him to start the opening but his heart keeps telling you that you're in need of him. So he follows and finally finds your body curled around a railing of a corridor as you are having hiccups and aches around your body.

"Oh my God, darling," he sits in front of you and tries to make you face him but you keep looking down.

"No... don't "

"Please look at me."

"I... can't," you feel embarrassed and shameful because of the person you are. People will think you want attention, you are ruining his day.

But Yunho picks you up crossing your legs around his waist as you keep your chin inside the crook of his neck.

He keeps his hand on your back patting but you're still trembling as he keeps you on the couch of the resting room telling everyone to leave.

He cups your face wiping as much tears as he can, "You're safe with me. Look at me, it's me. Your Yunpup. Baby."

"Let me go please. Go join them. You're getting late," your words sound so hoarse as they come out barely.

"I'm here, I'm not letting you go. I see you. You are not alright. Please calm down. My heart is aching seeing you like this," he says kissing the tip of your nose.

You look at him seeing his make-up getting smudged on the side you were crying when he picked you up.

"Fuck, I ruined your makeup. I keep ruining everything. I'll ruin your career too. Let me go, please. I-"

"Shhh, you are not going anyway just like I said. You are not ruining anything, Y/n. You are the love of my life and I have vowed to myself to protect you forever. Leaving you here like this, how do you I'm going to dance?"

"But your co-"

"They can wait. I've told them I'll be late for half an hour. So hold my hand and looks at me," he says and you do.

"Say it. That you're safe and you're with me," he says.

"I'm safe. I'm with you."

"Inhale for a long moment. Hold it for 4 3 2 1, now exhale. Yes, that's my girl. See, you are good at that," he says ruffling your hair as you feel calmed down.

He did it again and you are feeling relaxed, "Listen to me."

"Hm."

"Leaving you will be like burning my soul, tearing a limb from my own body. So, don't even think about it. I love you sweetheart and I'm always going to love you like there is no tomorrow. Do you understand me?"

You nod when another roll of emotion washes over you making you cry.

"Promise me one thing."

"Yes?"

"Whenever you feel like this, come running to me wherever I am. Don't you dare break this promise, okay?"

You nod again and he pecks you, "I love you the most and I'm not letting it go for anything else. You have made my life so much easier and happier than anything else. What will I do with reputation and wealth if my loml is not with me?" The way he is holding you in his arms right now, he is making you feel like you are a tiny baby.

You smile hearing him saying those as he pecks you again, "Get ready to stay up all night after I finish my concert. I'm dying to touch you."

"Shut up, pervert," you say standing up making him chuckle.

"You are my nicotine, baby girl," You stand there stunned as he gets ready and leaves for his performances.

As you stand in the crowd, you see him spotting you right away as he sends you a flying kiss mouthing, "Ready for tonight?" Washing over your panic, anxiety and insecurities.

I hope it helped you

[miasmaghoul]

Mushy May - Day 4

Prompt: First Kiss

Rating: Teen Pairing: Aether/Rain Contains: hurt/comfort, anxiety, a panic attack, first-time glamouring, Rain having a Bad Time and Aether making it better Word Count: ~3k (lmao what am I doing)

Summary: Rain feels like he's drowning. Aether helps him surface.

“It’s a lot to get used to,” Dew had told him a week ago, holding out a pile of black fabric, “you gotta practice while you can.”

He’d offered to help. To teach Rain how to breathe properly with his gills glamoured, how to cope with the added restriction of their stage costumes. Rain, prideful thing that he is, had refused. Of course he had. Had shrugged off Dew’s words and waved away the offer of help. He was certain he could manage on his own - he hardly planned on using his full glamour anyway, so what was the point in practicing? Besides, if Dew could do it then so could he. Dewdrop had given him a withering look, followed by a scoff.

“Whatever, wet boy. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Rain had dismissed him with an exaggerated eye roll, returning to the very important task of filing his claws, and had promptly forgotten about the whole affair.

Until now. 

Because now, huddled in a damp corner of their venue’s shower room, Rain finds himself thinking the unthinkable: 

I should have listened to Dewdrop.

Everything feels too close, too tight. This form, this woefully human shape he’s been forced to take, brings with it an unexpected, crushing pressure. The uniform doesn’t help - it’s all skin tight, the fabric scratching at every inch of him. He feels flayed open, pink and raw; it’s visceral and wholly unsettling, but the vanishing of his gills is far and away the worst part. 

Rain paws at his own chest, tugging the knot of his tie in an effort to relieve some of the pressure. His mask and balaclava sit across the room, tossed away the moment he’d managed to get his shaky fingers to cooperate. It’s only been a few minutes since he stumbled his way in here, drawn by the presence of water and the oddly comforting scent of mildew, but Rain feels like he’s been suffering for years.

He can’t stop trembling, clutching his knees to his chest and fighting the razors in his throat. Clawing with his stupid, blunt, human nails at the places his gills should be - the sides of his neck, the ridges of his ribs. Trying to force them open again through his shirt, to rip away the binding magic trapping him in this sorry state. Gasping. Choking. Suffocating.

Satanas, he’s fucking drowning.

He’s drowning and it’s his own damn fault.

It shouldn’t be this bad. Nothing should be this bad. But from the moment Copia had said that incantation, had bound all of the ghouls to these horribly restrictive forms for the night, Rain hasn’t been able to catch his breath. Dew’s words swim though his head in a vague whisper of regret, one that Rain tries in vain to shake off. It only makes him dizzier.

There’s a call from somewhere outside the attached dressing room - twenty minutes til soundcheck - and it does nothing to help the tightness in Rain’s chest. His lungs ache, his throat burns, and his heart feels like it’s about to crash right through his ribcage. The edges of his vision are darkening already, and he can’t tell if it’s from the hot tears gathered in his lashes or a lack of air. Maybe both.

He’s going to die here. He knows he is. Tucked into a tight ball in some dingy shower, alone and terrified, on the night of his first ritual. The others will find nothing but a pile of damp clothes and the stink of sulfur, their water ghoul having discorporated and vanished back to the Pit. There’s no way around it. 

Rain hugs his knees and whimpers, feeling the knife between his ribs dig in deeper. He’s panting now - shallow, desperate hiccups of air. They’re all he can manage as the walls close in on him. The crushing weight of his own foolishness slams against his skull - he swears he can hear it, a hollow echo. Like distant footsteps on cold stone. Rain’s eyes slip shut, the tears begin to fall, and all he can do is wait for his lungs to give out.

“Rain?”

He jolts at the voice - a distant, low rumble that he doesn’t recognize. Do ghouls have a grim reaper? A being sent to collect their infernal essence and return it home? Is that who’s calling his name? Rain doesn’t know, and he doesn’t answer. He can’t. His voice went with his ability to breathe.

“Rain, where are you?”

It’s like he’s underwater. The voice is so foreign, lilting and accented in a way he can’t place. But it’s…soothing, somehow. Familiar, like a comfortable piece of clothing. He wants to lift his head but finds it immovable. Filled with cement. Those echoing footsteps in his head grow louder with each passing moment, and as his consciousness fades Rain swears he feels himself being lifted.

The next thing he feels is…warmth. It’s so warm. He’s so warm.

“Rain?” A warbling echo at the edge of his mind. “Can you hear me?”

There’s a weight on his chest, but it’s…different than it was before he felt the world slip away. Steady pressure, gentle, running the length of his sternum. It’s wonderfully grounding, puts him so at ease that he nearly forgets why he was so -

Rain’s eyes fly open and he sucks in air like a man starved, great gulps of the stuff that make his throat ache all over again. He thrashes, arches against the pressure on his chest and finds it doesn’t give. Rather, it holds him steady, keeps him pinned to - is he on a couch?

“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” It’s that voice again, the one he somehow both did and didn’t know. “You’re okay Rain, I’ve got you.”

Whoever it is, he finds it easy to believe them. Rain blinks as he catches his breath, clears the wet haze from his eyes. He doesn’t know what he expects to see, but it certainly isn’t a water-stained ceiling. At length he manages to turn his still-heavy head to the side. When he does, he’s met with a silver mask...and a pair of familiar lavender eyes. 

“Ae…Aether?” The name comes out raspy and worn, like Rain had been screaming. The other ghoul nods, and Rain realizes that the pressure on his chest is Aether’s hand. His shirt is unbuttoned, and that large, callused palm feels heavenly against his clammy skin. “What…how…”

“The Cardinal sent me to get you for soundcheck,” he explains, eyes scanning Rain’s face. The accent is fascinating, but now that Rain knows who he’s hearing he can pick out the familiar timbre of Aether’s usual voice. “Found you in the bathroom, pale as anything.”

“Couldn’t breathe,” Rain manages after a few moments, clearing his throat with a wince. “Couldn’t…without my gills, I -”

“I figured as much,” Aether murmurs. Rain gives the other ghoul a quizzical look, and Aether cracks the tiniest smile. “This happened to Dew too, the first time. Didn’t he tell you?” Rain stares at him, wide-eyed.

“What did?”

“The panic,” Aether says gently. “You had a panic attack, Rain.”

Rain blinks at him. 

A…a panic attack? No, that wasn’t right. That couldn’t be right.

“No,” he murmurs, brow furrowed. “No it - it was the binding spell. It…it took my gills and I-”

“It did, yes,” Aether confirms, canting his head. “But you’re breathing fine without them now, aren’t you?” 

Rain blinks again, finally taking full stock of himself. Of the rise and fall of his ribcage and the now-steady thud of his heart, and finds that he can’t argue. His chest still aches, but it feels more like muscle strain and less like breathlessness. It feels like the almost pleasant burn that follows his lengthy swims in the abbey’s lake, or one of his more energetic romps with Swiss. Rain brings a hand to his throat, just to be sure, and Aether laughs through his nose.

“See?” Aether pats his chest, a reassuring gesture. “Just fine without them.”

Silence blankets them, and it gives Rain time to think. He hasn’t spent a whole lot of time with the ghoul before him in the months since his summoning. Not for lack of wanting - he likes Aether, (very much, if he were to be honest), but with the hectic nature of pre-tour life there hadn’t been much of a chance to…connect. A few shared meals, a handful of fleeting touches in the common room - ones he revisited in the comfort of his own bed - and one very close call on the tour bus were all Rain had to show for his interest.  

So yes, he does like Aether. More importantly, though, he trusts Aether. The other ghoul had earned it with his calm demeanor, the way he carries himself, the way he treats others. They all rely on him, even the Cardinal. That’s probably why he’d been sent to fetch Rain in the first place - Copia knew he would actually do it, not just sneak off in an effort to shirk their duties. If it were any other ghoul, Rain would simply wave off the idea of what he’d just experienced being something as paltry, as…human, as a panic attack.  

But it isn’t another ghoul. It’s Aether. Aether, with his kind eyes and soft smile. Aether, with his broad body and gentle nature. Aether, who is currently rubbing slow circles into his warming skin. Rain realizes in a delayed sort of way that the ghoul’s other hand is in his hair, scratching lightly at the place where his horns should be. He wants to purr with it, but it comes out as a deep hum instead. Aether chuckles.

“I’ll take that as a sign that you’re feeling better,” he murmurs, and Rain can’t deny that he’s right. He rests a hand on top of the one on his chest and gives Aether a shy nod.

“Yeah,” he huffs, voice still strained, “some.”

“Good. Do you think you can sit up?” 

Rain isn’t sure he wants to. Aether’s hands feel so nice, his presence so calming, and Rain doesn’t want to lose either one. Voices in the hall bring him back a bit, though; right, he has a job to do here. He heaves out a harsh exhale and nods, giving Aether’s hand a squeeze. The other ghoul sits back on his heels and Rain sighs at the loss of his touch. He braces himself and forces his body upright, grunting with the effort of swinging his legs over the edge of the couch.

The pain hits him all at once. 

“Oh, my fucking head,” he groans, hunching and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Shit.”

“Headache? Dew had a nasty one too.” Those large hands grip his wrists and give a coaxing tug. “You’re only going to make it worse doing that,” Aether chides. “Here, let me help.”

Rain isn’t sure how he can, given the fact that he’s pretty sure there’s an ice pick lodged in his brain, but he obliges. Allows Aether to bring his hands down and rest them on his own thighs. The other ghoul nudges his shoulder and Rain reluctantly raises his head, finding Aether knelt between his splayed legs. The sight sends a swoop of something entirely inappropriate through his belly, and Rain tries his best to ignore it. It’s hard to do when Aether cups his face with both hands, rough thumbs dragging over his cheekbones. The other ghoul gives him a smile and Rain swallows hard.

“Try to relax, alright? This might feel a bit…odd.”

Rain blinks owlishly, opens his mouth to speak, but the words die on his tongue as a wave of hot pressure fills his sinuses. It travels up behind his eyes, fills his ears and skull, wraps around his brainstem and trickles down his spinal cord. It only lasts a few seconds, and as the sensation fades Rain finds every bit of pain and lingering discomfort fading right along with it. He feels lighter than air, dizzy in a way that plasters a dazed look on his face. 

“There we are,” Aether coos, pulling his hands back. “How’s that? Better?”

“What was that?” Rain hardly recognizes the syrupy sound of his own slurred voice. Aether lets out a soft snort, resting his palms on Rain’s bony knees.

“Just a little something to take the edge off,” he says with a wiggle of his fingers. Rain finds himself entranced by the way Aether’s rings glint in the low light of the room. “I can’t do much beyond pain relief in this sorry state,” Aether gestures at his own glamoured body, “but that should at least be enough to get you through the ritual.”

Rain offers a slow nod, but he isn’t really focused on the words. His - well, everything, really, has gone fuzzy. Pleasantly warm and tingly, like he’d been wrapped in an electric blanket. He feels…safe, he thinks is the word for it. Anchored in a way he certainly wasn’t before Aether had rescued him from his breathless spiral. That seems like a distant memory now, a blip on the radar. All he can feel is a delightful buzz in the back of his head and the grounding weight of Aether’s hands on his knees.

“Rain? Are you still with me?” The ghoul blinks, refocusing on the masked face before him. He nods again, gaze bouncing between those stunning lavender eyes and plush lips. 

Those lips…

“Yeah,” he breathes, gripping his own thighs, “yeah, I…I’m…” 

He probably shouldn’t be staring at that unbearably pretty mouth. Shouldn’t be imagining how Aether’s chapped lips would feel on his. What he should do is say thank you. Tell Aether how appreciative he is of his help, of his care. He should say it and offer a handshake, or maybe a hug. Something small, but still affectionate. Something he won’t regret once the fuzziness in his brain fades. 

He doesn’t mean to lean in. Not really. He shouldn’t, no matter how much he wants to. No matter how much he’s wanted to for the past few months. 

But, well, he is leaning in. He’s leaning in and Aether isn’t pulling back. In fact, Rain’s pretty sure he’s tilting his head. Making space. Angling himself so his mask isn’t in the way and oh fuck he’s really going to do this.

When they kiss, Rain’s mind goes quiet.

It isn’t long. Isn’t deep or wet or messy. What it is, is wonderfully simple - a humble, chaste meeting of the lips. Short and sweet and somehow completely, utterly perfect. Rain pulls back just enough to let Aether see the enormous grin he can feel splitting his face, and to his delight the other ghoul returns it.

“I was wondering when we’d get around to that,” Aether says with amusement, squeezing Rain’s knees. Rain huffs out a laugh.

“Me too,” he admits, “maybe not quite like that, but I’m not going to complain.” 

“Neither am I.” Aether’s smile is devastating, wide and bright. “But as much as I’d like to carry on, I’m afraid we’ve got a job to do.”

Rain sighs, nodding - he’s held them all up long enough. He busies himself buttoning his shirt and tries not to mourn the loss of Aether’s hands when the other ghoul wanders over to one of the vanities on the far wall. He doesn’t have to mourn for long, though. Only for the time it takes for Aether to fetch his discarded tie, mask and balaclava. Rain eyes them with more than a little trepidation, his stomach giving a weak flip. His discomfort must be obvious - Aether lays a hand on his shoulder and holds him steady.

“It’s alright,” he promises, sitting at Rain’s side. “Let me help.”

Aether is so very gentle with him. So much so that it makes Rain blush. He talks through everything he does - knotting Rain’s tie, sliding on his balaclava, tucking back his hair. Aether checks in on him with every step, and Rain doesn’t think he has enough words for how grateful he feels. There’s still an edge of unease settling in his chest, but it’s nothing he can’t handle. 

Aether tells him about how things went with Dew the first time he’d had his gills glamoured. Tells Rain that he needs to have a talk with their newly minted fire ghoul about ways to cope so the panic doesn’t rear its ugly head again. Rain promises he will - his own pride isn’t worth the black hole in his chest.

“There we are,” Aether remarks with one final tuck of a particularly stubborn curl, “well done.” Rain could chirp at the praise, and at the way Aether’s hand lingers on his cheek. “Last step,” he adds after a moment, “and I think you should do this one.”

Aether holds up his mask, and Rain tries not to cringe at the very obvious scuff across its right cheek. From where he’d tossed it on the ground, he imagines. Hopefully it’ll buff out. He accepts the offering with a small nod and raises the mask to his face, stretching the straps to slip it over his head.

“Oh, hang on,” Aether says suddenly, and Rain looks over at him just in time to watch the other ghoul slide his own mask up with a thumb. “One more thing.”

Aether leans in and kisses him for real this time - lush and full, unyielding. Rain drops his mask in favor of grabbing hold of Aether’s square jaw, luxuriating in the feel of the other ghoul’s lips on his. It’s over far too soon, but the glimmer in Aether’s eye when he pulls away is full of promise. 

“For good luck,” he lilts, and Rain goes warm all over. Aether fixes his mask, Rain slips on his own, and together they stand. Aether gives Rain’s tie one final adjustment before nodding, giving his chest a pleased pat. “Now let’s get going before they send in the cavalry.” Rain nods, fiddling with the end of his tie.

“Thank you,” he says softly, the words long overdue. “For everything.” Aether hums and takes hold of Rain’s hand, thumbing over his knuckles.

“My pleasure,” he croons, and Rain would do anything to kiss him again. But for now, that will have to wait.

For now, the feel of Aether’s hand around his own is enough. 

[ilguna]

☼ deadly pt1 (Johanna Mason) ☼

summary; you and Johanna join the star squad to invade the capitol.

warnings; swearing, death, death mention, gun use and mention, gore, blood, classic hunger games stuff.

wc; 6k

part two, part three, part four.

–

“Johanna Mason, report for assessment.” 

You turn, grabbing her hand before she has a chance to get up and go. She’s expressionless, but you can feel the anxiety radiating off of her. If District Thirteen is going to be targeting your weaknesses during the test, you have a pretty good idea on what they might do to Johanna.

“Remember, deep breaths.” You squeeze her hand, “You’ll want to freak out, but you can hold it in. You’re in control.”

“I know.” She says, a small smile at the corners of her lips, “I’ll see you on the other side.” She leans over, holding your face to give you a quick kiss. 

You let go of her hand, allowing her to head into the back room. As soon as she disappears, you take a deep breath. You know that she’s able to do this, Johanna’s brave and she’ll power through, no matter how uncomfortable she is. She’s passed all the other tests up until this point too, but that was lightwork. If what Katniss heard is true, then there’s more in store for her. 

District Thirteen will target what happened in the Capitol, and it’s a very touchy subject for Johanna. She’ll talk about it to you, because she knows that you’re there to support her. With Finnick, it’s a whole new ordeal. She’ll talk about it in bits and pieces, she just won’t go into detail about it. And Finnick is her best friend.

You rub your hands together, leaning forward, counting down the time until it’s your turn to go inside of the Block. It’s a stage set up to look like the streets of the Capitol, it’s pretty big and it’s as accurate as it can get. You’ve been through the Block already for the group training, but you never really had a chance to take a look around. You were too worried about your teammates and what they were doing.

This time, you won’t get much of a chance either. You’re all going in by yourselves to allow the analyzers a real chance at seeing how you work. Which means you’ll have to be on your toes the entire time, there won’t be any opportunity to stand and admire the area. 

Another name is called, you watch as he goes through the door and it shuts behind him. There’s no specific order they’re taking people, you could be here a while. In the meantime, you take deep breaths and try to calm the electricity you’re feeling in your fingertips, anxious to get it over and done with.

The time ticks away, you can hear as Katniss occasionally adjusts on her seat. You can imagine she’s more worried than you are. She’s expected to perform well, she’s got the whole country looking at her. As for you, you’re a little rusty on the whole survival thing, considering Johanna volunteered for you at the reaping to keep you safe. 

You were mad at her for it, because you wish you could’ve been able to protect her from the Capitol. She’s more outspoken than you are in some areas, and you’re sure they would’ve thought you were useless compared to her. You settled for being her mentor in the Capitol, and got lucky that Haymitch grabbed you before he left with Plutarch.

You remember sitting in that hovercraft, waiting for them to grab Johanna and Peeta, and then watching the doors shut. The urge to throw up and scream at the same time, because you were leaving her behind. You managed to allow Haymitch to explain himself, saying that she’ll be okay, but you knew better. The Capitol would have a field day with her.

You thought, at the very least, that Finnick would be able to help you get through the next few weeks without her. Or that you’d bond in some was with Katniss because Peeta was also in the Capitol, but it didn’t happen. Finnick might as well have been in a coma, because he was never awake longer for five minutes because of his depression with Annie. And Katniss was losing it herself.

You were left with Beetee in the armory, watching him create new gadgets for District Thirteen to use on the Capitol. Coin started by giving you a schedule to follow, she stopped as soon as she realized that you weren’t in the capacity to follow it by any means. You tried, you really did. You were just so slow when it came to moving to do things, showing up late, low effort. She eventually allowed you to sit with Beetee, hoping that some of the life would return to you.

It didn’t, not until they had gone to rescue the half of the victors that they left to be captured. That’s when everyone really came to life, because you’d be able to see your other half. You tried to volunteer to go and be part of the rescue team, but you were denied because of your behavior before, afraid that you’d drag the team down. Instead, you were left to sit in that room with Finnick and Katniss, awaiting the return of your Johanna.

You have her back now, and that’s all that matters anymore.

“(Y/n) (L/n), report for individual assessment.”

“Good luck.” Katniss breathes.

“You too.”

You get up from where you sit, heading toward the door with your head raised. The door opens just wide enough for you to fit through, and shuts automatically. You can hear the lock turn and bolt once it’s against the doorframe. You take one last deep breath, before gathering your supplies and stepping past the line on the floor to get started.

Immediately, your squadron leader, who is nothing but a voice in your earpiece, tells you that you and your squad are looking for surrendering Capitol citizens. You’re instructed to only take in those who can tell you the code that was given over the radio. If they can’t, you have to leave them behind.

It’s pretty simple and straightforward. You navigate the streets with ease, remembering the path you took before to get to the exit. On the way, you’re caught by peacekeepers several times, and manage to escape unscathed each time. There’s a few survivors out, and you accept a few and turn down others. They’re dressed in regular District Thirteen clothes, you were kinda hoping they’d look like the Capitol citizens. 

You were sure that you’d suck by yourself, since you relied on your teammates to tell you when a threat was coming up. A few of them would step on landmines, or forget to put on their gas masks. You barely got through those, so when you got the recommendation to go through this—the official test—you thought it would be a mistake.

You jump in the air when an explosion shakes the ground. You round the corner, trying to figure out the point of the blast, and find the alleyway filled with smoke. You duck behind the wall, watching and waiting to see if it’ll clear, but when it doesn’t, you realize that you’re meant to go through the smoke.

To be safe, you pull your gas mask over your face before heading into the cloud, being wary of where you step, looking for the threat. Halfway, you met with someone laying on the ground. You aim your gun at him for a minute, but when he lifts his head, you see that he’s got the mark of your squad on his clothes.

“Help me.” He wheezes, “Please.”

There’s a pool of blood underneath him, and you can see that his vest is missing, he’s been shot several times between his chest and abdomen.

“Where’s your vest?” You ask, lowering the gun and getting to your knees, “You’re not supposed to take it off.”

“I gave it to a child, she led me to…” He winces, letting out a strangled noise, “Please take me with you.”

Right as you’re about to help, the voice in your ear calmly tells you to leave him behind, it’s not safe to take him. Your face twists, shaking your head, going to unbuckle your backpack, when your fingers freeze in place. You press your lips together. This is your test.

You save people, you’ve been saving people since you were reaped for your Games. It’s a curse that’s been running through your family for years. If you can help, then you do, because it’s what's saved your family several times over. It's what makes you trustworthy and hardworking, and it pays off. It’s the reason why you’re still alive, because you saved someone in the arena, and in turn they sacrificed their life for yours.

You force your hands to let go of the buckle, shaking your head, “I can’t.”

“Please, no, please don’t go!” He begins to shout, “Don’t go! Take me with you!”

You get to your feet, prepping the gun in your hand again, knowing that his pleas are drawing attention to your position. And sure enough, as soon as you make it out of the smoke, you see just how many peacekeepers were coming for you. And in them is a little girl, soot wiped across her face, big eyes. She’s wearing the bulletproof vest, and she has a gun in her hand.

You escape the area, and make it to the other side of the Block with little to no complications. The door is unlocked, you swing it open and step out, and you’re met with congratulations. The soldier grabs your hand, and stamps the back of it, telling you to go to Command.

You take off the vest and gun, setting it in a pile with the rest of the armor. After, you make your way to Command, where Plutarch and Beetee hang out the most often. On the way, you ball your hands into fists, trying to tell yourself that helping others isn’t a weakness, even if they think so.

By the time you reach Command, you’re feeling a little better. When you walk inside, you’re met with several familiar faces, including Johanna and Finnick. They give you a big smile, but when Johanna opens her arms, you hug her tightly. Her breath is shaky in your ear.

You pull away, “Did they use it against you?”

She tilts her head at you, “Guess.”

“You made it through, though.” You touch her face.

“Barely.”

“It’s already a big step.” You tell her, “I’m proud of you.”

It’s quiet for a moment, and then Finnick clears his throat, “So what’d they use against you?”

“Kindness.” You say, and don’t elaborate further. 

It’s not long after when Katniss is entering the room. She’s got a smile on her face when she sees you standing around the table. With her being the last member, Plutarch launches into a speech on what you’ll be encountering in the Capitol. He presses a button and a holograph of a part of the Capitol projects, allowing you to see better.

“This, for example, is the area surrounding one of the Peacekeepers’ barracks. Not unimportant, but not the most crucial of targets, and yet look.” Plutarch enters a code, and flashing colors appear, “Each light is called a pod. It represents a different obstacle, the nature of which could be anything from a bomb to a band of mutts. Make no mistake, whatever it contains is designed to either trap or kill you. Some have been in place since the Dark days, others developed over the years. To be honest, I created a fair number myself. This program, which one of our people absconded with when we left the Capitol is our most recent information. They won’t know we have it. But even so, it’s likely that new pods have been activated in the last few months. This is what you will face.”

Silence comes over the room, you can’t find any words to speak. You’re expected to go into the Capitol and be surrounded by traps that could kill you if Snow designed it to. Katniss is the first to move forward, stopping in front of the projection. As if possessed, you, Johanna and Finnick end up next to her, seeing just how many of those pods there are. Katniss cups a rapidly flashing green one in her hands.

Johanna might have saved you from the Quarter Quell, but this will be a whole new nightmare. There’s a hundred of them on this projection alone, which means there are thousands inside of the city that you’ll be navigating through. And hundreds more that are not yet part of the technology. 

Finnick reaches out to touch a red one, “Ladies and gentlemen…” he murmurs.

“Let the Seventy-sixth Hunger Games begin!” Katniss shouts, and then a laugh comes from her after.

You are not laughing, though. The look you share with Johanna is full of worry and nausea. You can see her retreating, the idea of getting captured and the possibilities of what they’ll do to her this time is endless. You don’t think she should go, as much as she wants to.

“I don’t even know why you bothered to put us victor’s through training, Plutarch.” Katniss says.

“Yeah, we’re already the four best-equipped soldiers you have.” Finnick adds with a grin.

“Do not think that fact escapes me,” He waves his hand, “Now back in line, Soldiers. I have a presentation to finish.”

The four of you resume where you were standing before you moved. Plutarch continues talking about the pods. There’s a point where it zooms out from one block, allowing you to see several more. Too many pods take over the screen, you grit your teeth, thinking about how many people they’ll be sending into the Capitol. How many of them are going to die? Are they going to have this technology too? Or are they going to go in blind?

The meeting finishes, and you’re allowed to leave. You grab Johanna’s hand, and she squeezes hard. The two of you wait in the hallway for Katniss and Finnick, who look just as terrified as you feel.

“What will I tell Annie?” Finnick whispers.

“Nothing,” Katniss says. “That’s what my mother and sister will be hearing from me.”

“If she sees that holograph—” He begins.

“She won’t.” Johanna shakes her head, “It’s classified information. It has to be.”

“Anyway, it’s not like an actual Games.” Katniss says, “Any number of people will survive. We’re just overreacting because—well, you know why. You still want to go, don’t you?”

“Of course. I want to destroy Snow as much as you do.” Finnick says, two pairs of eyes go between you and Johanna.

You don’t want Johanna to go in there, and you don’t want to go either, for that matter. It’s too dangerous, and you just survived the Capitol. The last thing you want is to throw yourself into another round of danger. This time is worse than the last, because it’s unpredictable.

“Well, obviously.” Johanna says. You know that’s her speaking, and not some facade that she’s putting up. Her hatred for the man has only grown since her time in the Capitol.

Now it’s your turn. You force a smile, “Let’s give him what he deserves.”

Katniss nods firmly, “It won’t be like the others. This time Snow will be a player, too.”

Haymitch comes to talk after that, and confirms that he and Beetee will stay here in District Thirteen, while the rest of you go out there. You want to tell him that it’s unfair that he’ll be here safe and sound, while the rest of you go out there, but decide that’s a fight for someone else.

Katniss leaves to go outside during her reflection, Finnick goes to see Annie, and then you’re left there standing with Johanna.

“We’re screwed, aren’t we?” You ask.

She smiles, “You know it, babe.”

—

The next few days are nothing but a blur that you try to keep a grasp on. You’re constantly in the armory, training in the shooting range to make sure that you have a grasp on the gun you’ll be using outside. For an hour a day, you get to use the specialty weapons that Beetee’s designed for each of you.

For Katniss it’s her bow with explosive arrows, with Finnick it’s his throwable trident that returns to his hand if he presses a button on his cuff. You and Johanna have a similar design with axes, blades sharp but the weapon is light.

You’ve also learned about the people you’ll be going in with. Boggs is the man that Katniss seems to be pretty close with already. He’ll be your guide and command in the Capitol. His second is Jackson, a middle-aged woman that does wonders with a scope. There’s the Leeg sisters, who are twins and nearly impossible to tell apart, they’re around the same age as you, Johanna and Finnick. Then there’s Mitchell and Homes, they’re older but their sharpshooting skills are up there with Jackson.

This morning, Plutarch joins you, “Squad Four-Five-One, you have been selected for a special mission,” he begins. “We have numerous sharpshooters, but rather a dearth of camera crews. Therefore, we’ve handpicked the ten of you to be what we call our ‘Star Squad.’ You will be the on-screen faces of the invasion.”

The relief that goes through you is comforting. You will still be in danger in the Capitol, but it should be less than before. However, you think you’re the only one that feels this way.

“What you’re saying is, we won’t be in actual combat.” Gale snaps. He’s Katniss’ friend from District Twelve, something about them hunting every week together to feed their families. They’re close.

“You will be in combat, but perhaps not always on the front line. If one can even isolate a front line in this type of war.” Plutarch says.

“None of us wants that.” Finnick remarks, a few people agree, “We’re going to fight.”

“You’re going to be as useful to the war effort as possible,” Plutarch says, not worried about their feelings. “And it’s been decided that you are of most value on television. Just look at the effect Katniss had running around in that Mockingjay suit. Turned the whole rebellion around. Do you notice how she’s the only one not complaining? It’s because she understands the power of that screen.”

Your mouth twitches.

“But it’s not all pretend, is it?” Katniss asks. “That’d be a waste of talent.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of real targets to hit. But don’t get blown up. I’ve got enough on my plate without having to replace you. Now get to the Capitol and put on a good show.”

The morning you ship out, you manage to convince them to let you outside in the woods for a little bit to get some fresh air. Johanna’s too busy talking to Finnick and Annie for her to notice your absence, and you’re glad because you need some time alone with your thoughts.

One deep breath, and you’re sent back in time, before you left District Seven to go to the Capitol for the Quarter Quell. This is what you needed the entire time you’ve been here, instead of breathing recycled air in the cement tomb. You need the woods, more than Katniss does, because this is your home.

You wander around for a while, before crouching next to a tree, picking at the bark slightly. You want the Capitol to go smoothly. For once in your life, you want things to go smoothly without any hiccups. You need Johanna to stay safe, and you need your friends to stay alive. You can’t lose anymore people.

You’ll do whatever it takes. 

You spend a good thirty minutes out there, before the guards come to retrieve you to leave on the hovercraft. When Johanna asks you where you went, you tell her that you cleared your mind so that this would be easier for you. You can’t be worried about anything if you’re going to do this.

The hovercraft takes you to District Twelve, where Katniss and Gale are stiff as boards the entire time you’re out there. She manages to tell you that you’re outside of the bombed area, and you should be glad that you’re not inside of it. You pay your respects as close to the border as you can before going back to the cargo car.

In there, you’re packed like sardines with other soldiers, who sleep with their heads on their packs. You spend a few days there while they bring you to one of the mountain tunnels that lead to the Capitol. As soon as you’re there, you’re forced to make the rest of the trip on foot, which is a six hour walk, only allowed to walk on the green paint that marks safe passage.

On the other side is the rebel camp, a ten block radius that’s crawling with soldiers. The rebels pushed the peacekeepers out a week ago, losing hundreds of soldiers but they made this area safe to set base. Your squad is led to an area that’s reserved for you, and there you pitch your tents to spend the night. 

You meet Katniss’ camera crew, they’re nice but only grow a group that’ll already draw a lot of attention. For three days, you mill around the streets of the Capitol and do meaningless tasks for them to film to show the Capitol and the districts. None of the real work is handed to you, Katniss, Finnick or Johanna. It’s all saved for the qualified soldiers.

The streets have mostly been cleared of pods, because you’re trailing after the soldiers that have gone before you. The paper maps are interesting to look at, but you get bored of the grid quickly. You’ve been on the streets before, but this is entirely too far out. Victor’s are given free reign towards the heart, where the Tribute Center is. The maps don’t show the pods, either.

The only device that does is held by Boggs, since he’s the commander. And it’s unusable unless his voice activates it. It’s called a Holo. It’s fairly interesting to see the blocks you’ve traveled and the pods that were nearby but you never tripped. You’re clueless without it.

On the fourth day, one of the Leeg sisters hits a pod by accident, and it’s mislabeled as well. You’re prepared for a swarm of mutated gnats, but instead it shoots out a sunburnt of metal darts. One of which finds her brain, which kills her before the medics can get to you.

Plutarch promises a replacement.

The next evening, you’re met with Peeta. You haven’t officially met him yet, since there was no need to before. He’s standing in front of you, no handcuffs or guards to keep him in check, and he’s got a gun slung over his shoulder. With his reaction to Katniss that first day he was in District Thirteen, Boggs takes the gun as soon as he’s close enough, and goes to make a call.

“It won’t matter.” Peeta says unbothered, “The president assigned me herself. She decided the propos needed some heating up.”

When Boggs comes back, he’s fuming. The first thing he does is tell Jackson that she needs to organize a two-person, round-the-clock guard on Peeta. Then he takes Katniss to the other side of camp to talk to her privately.

Jackson looks between the group of you, thinking about her choices. When she doesn’t immediately choose, you lift your hand, catching her attention, “What is it, Soldier (L/n)?”

“I’ll do it, for however long you like.”

“Me too.” Finnick says, “You can put us on together.”

“Then who am I going to be with?” Johanna asks, face twisting, “Since when are you two best friends?”

“You haven’t noticed?” You muse.

Jackson nods, “Okay, we’ll have you and Finnick take first shift, then you and Johanna can take second. We’ll break you and do…” she continues, but you stop paying attention unless your name is mentioned. 

Peeta looks up at you, eyes fairly aggressive, looking you up and down to size you as an opponent. If he thinks of doing anything funny, he’ll be in for a surprise. You’re doing this because he needs good people to surround himself with to remind him that not everyone's the same. There is variety.

By the time Katniss comes back, the rotation’s been made, and she isn’t a part of it. Peeta’s pitching his tent next to Jackson and Boggs’ so they can keep a better eye on him. Right on cue, Katniss asks, “What time is my watch?”

Jackson squints at her, “I didn’t put you in the rotation.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not sure you could really shoot Peeta, if it came to it.”

Katniss pauses for half a second, before loudly saying, “I wouldn’t be shooting Peeta. He’s gone. Johanna’s right. It’d be just like shooting another one of the Capitol’s mutts.”

You send Johanna a concerned look, she shakes her head slightly, “That’s not what I meant.”

“Well, that sort of comment isn’t recommending you either.” Jackson says.

“Put her in the rotation.” Boggs says.

“Midnight to four. You’re on with me.” Jackson shakes her head, writing it down.

When the dinner whistle is blown, you start your way over with your victor friends, with the exception of Katniss, who is suspiciously close to Gale, whispering. She’s replaced by Peeta, who’s definitely not really absorbing his surroundings. Regardless, you turn to him.

“I’m (Y/n).” You hold out your hand, “I’m from District Seven, I won the year after Johanna did.”

“Nice to meet you.” He takes your hand, shaking it once before letting it go.

“That cake you made for Finnick and Annie’s wedding was gorgeous. Do you paint often?” You ask.

“When I have the time.” He shrugs.

“Oh, that’s right.” You smile, “That was your talent for the Victory Tour, wasn’t it? After years of cake icing I’m sure it paid off. I couldn’t think of a single thing worth showing for mine. I almost named every tree in alphabetical order just for the kick of it.”

Peeta cracks a smile, “That would’ve been entertaining.”

“She had a song and everything.” Johanna sighs, “It was truly insufferable.”

Finnick’s face twists, looking at you, “You have never told me that before.”

“That’s because I have shame, Finnick.” You snort, they laugh too. Peeta shakes his head with a smile.

Your squad gathers in a circle to eat dinner. You keep small talk going with Peeta, trying to form some friendship. The looks you get from Katniss and Gale are no less than hostile because of it. You’re not sure what they want you to do. You’re not going to shut him out, this easily could’ve been how Johanna turned out. It would've been if she weren’t so strong.

By the time you’re exhausted and ready to go to bed, you and Peeta are on some level of understanding. You go to bed with Johanna in the tent, huddled up in your own sleeping bags. It’s much too cold for you to fall asleep, even though Johanna passes out without struggle. You only lay there for another half hour before you unzip it and settle it over Johanna.

You leave the tent and go to sit at the center of camp, where the heater’s going to be much more enjoyable than shivering. You sit as close as humanly possible, rubbing your arms. Jackson and Katniss are already out here to watch Peeta, who’s fiddling with a rope that Finnick must’ve given him.

Peeta breaks the silence, “These last couple of years must have been exhausting for you. Trying to decide whether to kill me or not. Back and forth. Back and forth.”

Katniss doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “I never wanted to kill you. Except when I thought you were helping the Careers kill me. After that, I always thought of you as an ally.”

“Ally.” Peeta repeats slowly. “Friend. Lover. Victor. Enemy. FIancee. Target. Mutt. Neighbor. Hunter. Tribute. Ally. I’ll add it to the list of words I use to try to figure you out. The problem is, I can’t tell what's real anymore, and what’s made up.”

Peeta’s accidentally disturbed the fragile serenity in the camp, because you can hear a few people stir in their tents. Either they’re light sleepers or they haven't been sleeping, and they’re stuck in the same miserable loop you were in. 

Finnick speaks from his sleeping bag in the shadow of a tent, “Then you should ask, Peeta. That’s what Annie does.”

“Ask who?” Peeta says. “Who can I trust?”

“Well, us for starters. We’re your squad.” Jackson says.

“You’re my guards.” He says.

“That, too.” She agrees. “But you saved a lot of lives in Thirteen. It’s not the kind of thing we forget.”

The air settles. Peeta does not speak again for a long while. You finally begin to feel drowsy in front of the heat. You lean into your backpack, eyes closed and basking in the warmth.

“Your favorite color… it’s green?” Peeta asks carefully.

“That’s right.” Katniss says. “And yours is orange.”

“Orange?” He asks.

“Not bright orange. But soft. Like the sunset.” She says, “At least, that’s what you told me once.”

“Oh.” He says, “Thank you.”

“You’re a painter. You’re a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces.” Katniss says suddenly, and then she gets up and leaves.

You fall asleep by the fire, waking every hour to stretch your back from the hunched position you’re in. Johanna wakes you around nine, moving the hair out of your face to tell you that she, Gale, Finnick and Katniss are going to go film for a bit and you’re invited to go with them. You agree, brushing your teeth and fixing your hair before following them into the street. 

You and Finnick fill her in from last night. She nods, remarking how it’s a step in the right direction. At least they’re talking to each other.

Back at camp, the squad is sitting in a group together talking to Peeta. There’s no tension, you and Johanna take a seat with them. Finnick criss-crosses his legs, and Katniss and Gale stand nearby. They tell you that they’ve been playing a game with Peeta called ‘Real or Not Real’ where he recalls events and they tell him if it happened or not.

“Most of the people from Twelve were killed in the fire.” Peeta says.

“Real. Less than nine hundred of you made it to Thirteen alive.”

“The fire was my fault.”

“Not real. President Snow destroyed twelve the way he did Thirteen, to send a message to the rebels.”

The game allows Jackson to break you into a completely new watch, where you’re no longer paired with Johanna or Finnick, but with one of the soldiers. Everyone holds their advantages when it comes to talking to Peeta. Gale fills him in on most of the technical stuff about District Twelve. You and Finnick talk about his first Games, since you both mentored that one, and Johanna and Finnick talk about the second since they were both a tribute.

You also help out Katniss with some of the superficial details. He’ll ask about the colors of her dress in certain districts, the jewelry she was wearing, what she said during a speech. All of which you have nailed down, since you’ve always been fascinated about how stylists and escorts change their theme with each new victor. You can’t be much help in regards to her food preferences and who she is back home, so she’s forced to work on that by herself. 

The next afternoon, you’re all told you need to stage a more complicated propo for District Thirteen to edit. They’re unhappy with the quality they’ve been getting lately, and they want something that’ll draw in more attention, as if that’s even possible. A special block is set aside, none of the traps set off to allow some action. It’s a residential block, lined with apartments.

The pods inside are marked as gunfire and nets to capture, so you’re all told to gear up as if you’re heading into actual war. You’re allowed to take your specialty weapons with you. You swing the axe in your hand, wondering how good it would do in battle if you had to. Peeta is given back his gun, but it’s full of blanks so it can’t do any actual damage.

Peeta shrugs, “I'm not much of a shot anyway.”

The camera crew goes over a number of things they’re going to use to make the action sequence more interesting. They’re planning to use smoke bombs and adding gunfire to make it seem like you’re doing something. You joke with Johanna and Finnick that it would be less work for them if they actually did something with you guys instead.

Peeta’s fairly preoccupied with one of the camera crew members. They’re all from the Capitol, so they’ve got funny mannerisms, but he’s got his eye on Pollux. His eyebrows are twitching at one point, and you elbow Finnick to get his attention, hoping he’ll be able to talk to Peeta without a reaction.

Finnick opens his mouth to speak, when Peeta’s harsh voice comes through, “You’re an Avox, aren’t you? I can tell by the way you swallow. There were two Avoxes with me in prison. Darius and Lavinia, but the guards mostly called them the redheads. They’d been our servants in the Training Center, so they arrested them, too. I watched them being tortured to death. She was lucky. They used too much voltage and her heart stopped right off. It took days to finish him off. Being, cutting off parts. They kept asking him questions, but he couldn’t speak, he just made these horrible animal sounds. They didn’t want information, you know? They wanted me to see it.”

There’s a stunned silence as you all stop walking, staring at him. He watches you guys, “Real or not real?” No one answers him, so he snaps, “Real or not real?!”

“Real,” Bogg says, “At least, to the best of my knowledge… real.”

“I thought so.” His shoulders sag, “There was nothing… shiny about it.”

He wanders off, Katniss turns to Gale for comfort. You warily turn to Johanna, “Did they…?”

“No, they never used the tracker jacker venom against me.” She shakes her head, “Just water and electricity.”

“I’m… glad.”

“Me too.” She says.

The rest of the trip is taken in silence, as you stomp through glass from windows and cars. Boggs has you gather around the Holo to see the projection of the street. The gunfire pod is ahead, a little higher up. The net pod is at the end, almost around the next corner. Volunteers are taken to set off the traps, but once again, none of you are picked.

The smoke bombs are thrown, and the camera begins to roll. You carefully go down the street, as Gale sets off the pod. You all break windows to some capacity, but flatten against the ground as soon as the actual pod is set off. The stones are light orange and pink, waving between each other. 

Boggs wants you to head forward, but Cressida, the director of the camera crew, needs a few close-up shots of your reactions. You’re all forced to reenact what you had just done, this time with a flair of dramatics. Mitchell’s acting is so horrible that most of you are left in tears of his idea of desperation. Boggs is shaking his head, but even he’s smiling.

He sets up the Holo to find the best way to trigger the next pod. Just as he takes a step towards you guys, the pastel stone he’s placed his foot on, sinks in the ground, and explodes, taking his legs with it.

[mymoodwriting]

Request for Anon (Yandere Cult NCT) 13.3k, yandere, drugs, needles, manipulation, stalking, harassment, psychedelics, cult mentality, mental abuse, verbal abuse, torture, kidnapping, mentions of self-harm, anxiety, home invasion

“You look like you need help.”

    This wasn’t the first time you had been approached on the streets, and you knew these types of people well enough to ignore them. Except this time around you didn’t have the energy to do it. So the nice gentleman, you think, caught onto that and now here you were.

“I’m just tired and would like to get home.”

“And who’s waiting for you there?”

“What? No one, it’s just me.”

“So you don’t have anyone.”

“Look, I just-”

“You should come with me then.”

    The gentleman took your hand and started pulling you along. You didn’t want to attract attention, and you didn’t have the strength to pull away so you begrudgingly followed. You were led into this small venue, another gentleman up on a stage talking to the crowd. There were a decent amount of seats filled, but plenty of empty spaces too. The one who brought you had you sit between him and someone else you politely greeted. You figured you were stuck here until this was over, and might have fallen asleep if the speech hadn’t actually piqued your interest.

“Connections. They make us who we are, no matter how big or small they may be. The truth is we are connected to many of the things around us. Whether that be people or objects. I ask you all to take a moment and think about those connections, and what they say about you. Perhaps you think of a dear friend, remembering the good times you’ve spent together, and those that are yet to come. Or perhaps a certain object comes to mind, like a picture framed up at home, taking you back to a moment you immortalized forever. These connections hold us up and help us go on in our lives. They might even lead us to new connections.”

    You did think of home, of a blanket you slept with every night. You’ve had it since you were a baby, able to look back at old photos and see yourself with it. To this day it meant a lot to you, probably the thing you’ve had the longest, and it was just perfect to you. It held so many memories, good and bad, and you knew it would continue to do so for many years to come. You never realized how important it was until now, and that brought a smile to your face.

“I see some smiles, but as I’m sure you can tell, not many are aware of these connections in life. Which is why I believe it’s important to surround yourself with those who do, so you can forge strong connections and maintain them. To support one another through anything and everything. That’s what my community is all about, and I invite you to join us.”

    There was a screen behind the speaker, and it had the word connection in lower case on it. As the invitation to join came up it suddenly changed, a few letters becoming uppercase. The second N, then the C, and T. Along with that new letters appeared, going down, revealing a new name. Neo Culture Technology. It sounded vaguely familiar, but you couldn’t quite pinpoint it.

“Neo Culture Technology. NCT. Is a group that understands these connections, and supports one another. I, Lee Taeyong, started this group with the idea to unite everyone. Of course, that is most likely impossible in my lifetime, but it won’t stop me from creating my small community and believing it shall grow beyond me. I thank you all for coming, please enjoy some refreshments and mingle if you have the time. The people here are eager to make new connections.”

    After a moment there was applause, and then chatter filled the room. The two gentleman on either side of you greeted each other, seeming to be friends, before speaking to you.

“Hello, I’m Kun, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Y/n, hi.”

“And how did Hendery manage to bring you here? I hear he’s usually too much.”

“I am not!”

“Well he did kinda drag me here.”

“I… sorry, I just…”

“You didn’t actually hurt me, so I’ll let it go, but I don’t recommend doing that to someone else. They might not be as nice.”

“Noted. Shall we meet some others? Or do you need to go?”

“I can stay for a moment.”

“Awesome.”

    You followed the two over to where the people had gathered, getting a drink and a quick snack. Everyone was very nice, talking about mundane things, you kinda forgot you had been dragged here against your will. Although you still had to get home and sleep, you had work in the morning.

“I should really get going, but thanks for this.”

“No problem.” Hendery smiled. “I do hope to see you again.”

“We’ll see.”

“Actually.” Another gentleman suddenly approached you. “NCT is having a weekend getaway, we’ve rented out a campsite, and we’d love for you to join us.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I can do that…”

“You can think about it. Here’s my card. I’m Doyoung by the way.”

“Ah, thank you, and nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you as well. If you change your mind, give me a call by Thursday evening so we can add you to the list.”

“Alright, thanks.”

    You made your way out of the venue, checking the time. It was late, but the whole event hadn’t been as bad as you thought. As you made your way home it lingered in your mind, even as you got ready for bed, and laid down in the sheets. The idea of forming meaningful connections was nice, but you had to get to sleep. Thankfully it came easy, and in the blink of an eye it was a new day and you had to drag yourself out of bed. You made it to the office in one piece, the day was uneventful until the afternoon.

“Working hard?”

“Always.”

“Well, how about you wind down? I’ve talked to the boss and they agreed to a company dinner tomorrow.”

“Oh, I won’t be-”

“You always skip out, you can’t be avoiding me right?”

    Jason was certainly the type who was full of himself and couldn’t understand why someone wouldn’t be interested in them. He has asked you out for coffee or dinner every now and then, and your answer was always the same. It wasn’t gonna stop him though.

“No, I just have plans already.”

“Do you now?”

“Yes.”

“Do tell. I’m curious what you do in your spare time. And don’t say it’s private, how else am I supposed to get to know you.”

“Uh… this group I’m a part of, we’re having a weekend getaway, and we leave Saturday morning, so I can’t be out late Friday night.”

“Oh, what kinda group? Can I join?”

“Not sure, it’s up to them.”

“You should-”

    You were grateful to whoever called Jason over, cutting the conversation before he kept poking at your lie. You continued with the rest of your day like normal. It wasn’t until you were home that you remembered what you said. You looked for the card Doyoung had given you, wondering if you should call. A part of you worried about getting caught in your lie, and there was no harm in going with this group of people, they all seemed friendly. So you swallowed your nerves and dialed the number.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is y/n, I don’t know if you remember me.”

“Of course I do. Hendery brought you along, how have you been?”

“Good, good, and you?”

“Excellent. Now, is it safe to assume you’re calling about the camping trip?”

“Yes.”

“Wonderful. I’m glad to hear you’ll be joining us.”

“It sounds like fun.”

“It will be. So if you’ve got time, I just need some information from you. Any allergies, or diet restrictions we need to know about? Also let me know your address so we can have someone pick you up.”

     You gave Doyoung the necessary information, also noting his suggestions on what to bring with you, although you weren’t really comfortable with giving your address. You settle on getting picked up somewhere nearby.

“Alright. I’ll get all this sorted and have someone pick you up Saturday morning. I look forward to seeing you.”

“Me too.”

     You felt nervous again after the call, realizing what you had agreed to. Even if it was weird you had to remind yourself why you were doing this, and that it could really be fun. Everyone always said you needed to get out more, and this was one way of doing it. Once you calmed your nerves, and set a reminder for Saturday you managed to go to sleep, somewhat dreading but also relieved that tomorrow was nothing special. The day was like any other, and of course your coworkers were excited for dinner, but you weren’t going.

“How about you and me have dinner when you get back.” 

    Everyone was already closing their stations and grabbing their things, ready to eat. Although Jason came over to your desk, wanting to check in before he goes.

“You can tell me all about your trip.”

“Uh, we’ll see…”

“Have fun then.”

“You too.” 

     You stayed behind in the office for a bit, wrapping some things up before you made your way home. You bought some food on the way, getting to your place and winding down for a bit before packing up a bag and getting to bed. You made sure your alarm was set, and everything was ready. There was a bit of trouble sleeping, but you did manage to get some rest.

🖤

“Y/n! Over here.”

     Your alarm had gone off when it was supposed to, but you made the mistake of closing your eyes for a moment which was actually half an hour. You rushed out of bed and quickly gathered your things, rushing out to the meet up spot. As you arrived you heard your name and saw a familiar face. Hendery was there with a friend, the two waving you over.

“Sorry for being late, I didn’t mean to.”

“That’s alright. I’m sure some of the others are dragging as well. Come on, we can walk over to the bus.”

“Bus?”

“Yeah, Taeyong rented one out to take us all to the campsite together. He feels better having us all close.”

“I see.”

“Oh, this is Xiaojun by the way.”

“Hi, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

     You all walked together a couple of blocks, enjoying the morning sun and blue skies. You talked a bit about the morning rush you all had experienced. Staying in bed and sleeping in would be nice, but the trip was exciting. Their energy slowly rubbed off on you, making you less nervous about the whole thing. When you arrived at the pickup spot, many others waved you over, smiles and joy everywhere.

“Y/n! So glad you’re joining us.” Kun gave you a polite hug. “We’re gonna have a lot of fun this weekend.” 

“I’m sure we are.”

“Let’s get you checked in.”

    Kun took you over to Taeyong, and you got a proper introduction. Your nerves suddenly came back, since he was the leader of this whole group.

“Hello…”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard good things.”

“Have you?”

“Of course. I’m glad you decided to join us. If you don’t mind, could you fill this out, I just need to have your full name and number. And if your phone’s not fully charged you can ask Mark for a charger and power bank, we have cables for all types of phone. Do you have everything you need?”

“Yes, I’m all good. Thank you.”

“Alright. Everyone is almost here, so we’ll be leaving in a few minutes. I can take your bag and get it on the bus for you.”

“Thanks.”

    While Taeyong did that you filled out the form and handed it back. Once that was all done you got on the bus. Everyone was friendly and smiled at you, so you just took any empty seat you liked. That’s how you met someone new.

“Hi, I’m Jaemin.”

“Y/n.”

“Oh, pretty.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m glad we have someone new coming along with us.”

“Uh… am I the only one who’s not from your group?”

“Yeah. We invited plenty of people, but you’re the only one who came.”

“Oh…”

“Don’t be shy, I promise no one is gonna make you feel left out.”

“Agreed.” Someone peeked over from behind. “I’m Jeno by the way, nice to meet you.”

“Hello.”

“So, what do you do with your time?”

“I work in an office. It’s this insurance agency, and I work with advertising.”

“Oh, that’s pretty cool.”

“It’s just an office job really, and it pays the bills. What about you two?”

“I’m still studying.” Jeno said. “But I do a bit of modeling on the side.”

“Wow, that is really cool. You’ve certainly got the looks.”

“Oh please, I’m blushing.”

“I’m also studying.” Jaemin added. “And I have an internship with a tech company.”

“Nice. I’m glad to hear you guys are still studying.”

“It sucks at times.”

“But it’s very important.”

    The bus soon enough filled up, and Taeyong had everyone quiet down. He did a headcount, calling out names and making sure everyone who was supposed to be here was present. With that the bus started moving. You were told it was a simple two hour drive. Everyone seemed to get along with each other, obviously, you had no idea how long they had all known each other. Although you continued talking to Jaemin and Jeno, also meeting a few others along the trip. Everything was fine, although once you could see nothing but trees outside the window you got a bit anxious. 

    You were going out into the middle of nowhere, with a bunch of strangers. It really wasn’t the smartest idea. You tried not to look worried, but you were sure it might have caught on. Once you arrived Taeyong did a headcount again, telling everyone to grab their things and head up to the cabin to settle in before they grab breakfast and then start with activities. After grabbing your things Taeyong pulled you aside, letting you know that if at any point you wanted to leave, there was a car and he’d drive you back himself, no questions asked.

    Now you really felt called out, but at least you had some relief knowing there was some understanding to your situation, being the only outsider, and that you weren’t trapped or obligated to stay here. Taeyong went with you to the cabin, once again doing a headcount when everyone was there. The place wasn’t a small cabin, but seemed more like a resort. There weren’t any individual rooms, so everyone would sleep together in the main hall. You’d all be staying for one night only, so that seemed reasonable. There were lockers to put your things in, and the important facilities were pointed out. Once that was all done everyone gathered in the mess hall for some breakfast. This was truly the embarrassing part.

“Everyone, quiet down.”

    Taeyong got atop one of the tables, speaking over everyone else and getting them to be quiet. He thanked everyone for coming, especially you, and suddenly all eyes were on you. This was his way of properly introducing you to everyone, making you extremely shy. No one teased you, but everyone was very happy to say hello and get acquainted. It also made sure conversations kept going and you never felt neglected. After breakfast it seemed that you’d all be going on a little hike. The group had been here before, and enjoyed taking in the scenes of nature. They were also very excited to show you, which also kept you from getting so nervous.

    It was said it would be better to split off into groups so no one felt excluded or alone. You got put with Taeyong, Doyoung, Jungwoo, Mark, and Yuta. They were all super friendly, and gave you a lot of attention. Being the outsider also gave them the excuse to constantly point things out to you and ramble a bit about the trees, leaves, the birds, and the ponds. They were honestly all really cute, and you actually enjoyed the little hike, getting to know them more along the way. You actually had a picnic around lunch time together, having found a nice clearing to set up on. It was a really beautiful experience, and a good way to rest. After that you returned to the cabin and regrouped with the rest.

    Everyone had stories to share, which was perfect as people were mixed around to help prepare for the night. You were helping with refreshments, finding yourself between Haechan and YangYang, squeezing oranges and trying not to make a mess. You wound up talking a lot, rambling out of nervousness and excitement, having been enjoying your day so far, and they were happy to listen. As it began to get dark the grilling and set up for dinner started, Taeyong also suggesting everyone take turns cleaning up for the night.

    You were one of the last to shower, and by the time you stepped outside the smell of food was in the air, and a few campfires were going with people roasting marshmallows. You got something to eat, finding a spot to sit, getting thanked for all your work with the refreshments. It really felt like a party now, food and laughter in the air, making it so easy to forget your troubles. Although as the sky got darker, and everyone had food in their bellies, things kinda got serious. Taeyong brought everything back to connections, how everyone here was connected, and that they were here for each other.

    You were all out in the woods alone but together, so he opened up the time to just talk about things that might be on someone’s mind. Things ranged from being nervous about school or work, about possible opportunities on the way. It got deep, some sharing their concerns about where they’re going in life, and that certainly struck a chord with you. Your silence and minor zoning out was noticed by Sicheng, who was sitting by your side. He stepped away for a moment and then returned, handing you a glass of juice and asking if you were alright. You thanked him for the drink, taking a sip.

“I’m good… just thinking…”

“Do you wanna talk to the group?”

“I don’t think I could. You all know each other, it’d be like intruding…”

“But you’re here with us, you’re one of us. And if you don’t see it like that, we are just a bunch of strangers to you, who better to unload on.”

“I suppose…”

“Go on then. Guys!” Sicheng got everyone to quiet down. “Go ahead.”

“Uh… well…”

“What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t… I don’t know…  I’m like… alright financially, but I feel like I’m not going anywhere… like I’m stuck… work is just where I go, and I just can’t find the strength or even need to socialize with the people around me… I feel like something’s wrong with me…”

“That’s hardly the case.” Taeyong spoke. “It sounds like you lack connections in your life, and that’s not entirely your fault. If those around you aren’t willing to connect, all your efforts come off in vain. There’s nothing wrong with you, it just seems those people aren’t appreciating you.”

“Which is bullshit, by the way.” Ten added. “You’re wonderful, and people should be way nicer to you.”

    Suddenly getting showered with compliments made your face burn. You had to politely ask them to stop, and that’s how the night really began to wind down. By then you were all gathered around the biggest campfire. After who knows how long Taeyong suggested that those who were tired should get to bed. A few got up and headed inside, but you stuck around for a while longer, enjoying a few more smores and watching the pretty fire. After a third yawn you retired for the night, finishing your drink and going inside. 

    You cleaned up a bit more before changing into something to sleep in and finding a place in the main hall. Plenty of sleeping bags, blankets, and pillows were stacked against the walls by the entrance, so you grabbed what you wanted and found a nice place to lay down. The exhilaration of the day was slowly fading, and exhaustion was engulfing you. This wasn’t your room or your bed, but you found it easy to fall asleep, closing your eyes and snuggling the sheets, drifting off into dreamland.

🖤

    You opened your eyes to find the morning sun on your face. It was nice, but after a moment you remembered there weren’t any windows that low in the main hall. You quickly sat up, realizing you weren’t where you had laid down to rest. Instead you were on a couch in a room you did not recognize. You looked around, trying to understand your situation, and find a way out of this place. The panic was bubbling up, but suddenly you found that you were not alone, finding a familiar face.

“Sleeping well?”

    You watched Taeyong come down the spiraling stairs, offering you a smile and then standing by the windows, looking out at the skyline.

“Where am I…”

“Somewhere safe. It’s honestly amazing you’re here. So, tell me, what made you decide to come on our trip?”

“Uh… well I thought it’d be fun… a nice weekend getaway to unwind.”

“Is that so?”

‘I just have plans already… this group I’m a part of, we’re having a weekend getaway… I can’t be out late Friday night…’

    Your disembodied voice came from out of nowhere, and it actually scared you. Although you had no idea how this was possible. You knew these words weren’t said to Taeyong or anyone in NCT, and yet here they were. Taeyong moved over to sit across from you, his demeanor giving nothing away.

“What the…”

“Did you really come out here to avoid someone?”

“What?”

“That’s quite a big move. Do they bother you that much?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s important to be open with one another when forming a connection, and to support each other. If you need us, or anything, we’re here for you.”

“Uh…”

“Shall we connect?”

    Taeyong held his hand out to you, a gentle smile on his face. Nothing made sense, and yet you felt a subtle compulsion to take his hand, to accept it, his offer, regardless of what it meant. Although as you began to move closer to him, reaching out, everything faded to black.

🖤

    You felt warm all over as you began to regain consciousness. You thought to yourself the sleeping bag was just that warm, although as you opened your eyes you realized the truth. You found yourself sandwiched between Jaehyun and Johnny, practically cuddled up in their arms. You tried to wiggle your way out of their grasp, waking them up in the process, and they both immediately moved away.

“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t… shit, sorry.”

“I don’t usually move in my sleep, we’re so sorry.”

“I’m fine… are you guys okay? Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“Why are you so loud?” Jisung sat up from his place, glaring. “It’s too early.”

“Sleepy head.” Johnny teased. “Others are already up and gone.”

“Then go too, I wanna sleep some more.”

“Okay, okay, let’s go see what’s for breakfast.”

    The two others excused themselves, apologizing again. You stayed put for a while, still sleepy but also vaguely thinking about the dream you had just had. It was so weird and made no sense, but those were dreams. You got up and freshened up for the morning, going into the mess hall for some breakfast. It was a little more quiet than before as everyone was still waking up. Everyone said good morning, asking if you slept well. You did, not mentioning the weird dream, but at least you were very warm.

    Once everyone was up and had eaten, the day was really sunny, and it was perfect weather to enjoy the lake. You brought a swimsuit along, but you hadn’t realized what going for a swim meant for the others. You swear you had never been surrounded by so many shirtless men. You had to stop yourself from staring too long, and were grateful the water was keeping you cool. There were plenty of water activities to keep you busy, and everyone stuck around the dock to enjoy lunch. Some began to complain about the start of the week, but what mattered was the enjoyment of the present. After lunch you all hung around for a while longer before having to go back to the cabin and clean up. It was time to head home.

    You helped make sure the campgrounds were clean, and double checked the main cabin to make sure no one had left anything behind. Taeyong did a headcount as everyone boarded the bus, doing it again inside before you all hit the road. You found yourself staring out the window, still a little sleepy, but overall glad you had fun this weekend. By the time you arrived back in town you felt a bit sad that it was over. Taeyong counted again to make sure everyone had made it back, and thanked everyone for coming out. They grabbed their things, and said their goodbyes to the group.

“Do you want me to walk you back the way we came?” Hendery asked. “Or would you be okay going yourself?”

“Uh… I should be fine alone.”

“Nonsense.” Xiaojun chimed in. “We should walk with you, it’s only fair. Come on.”

    You honestly didn’t mind the company, sharing your favorite moments from the weekend on your way. You thanked them again for accompanying you, and wished them well on the rest of their day. You parted ways there, going to your apartment and collapsing on the couch. Now that the little trip was over you could reflect on how you had actually gone with a bunch of guys to a campsite and had a lot of fun in like two days, way more fun than the last two months. You checked your phone to see if you had missed anything, but there weren’t any notifications or unread messages, not surprising.

      You ordered some food later on and just wound down for the day with TV. As you were getting ready for bed your phone chimed, multiple times, and it was certainly confusing. When you checked you saw that you had been added to a group chat, NCT’s group chat. Some were already talking about getting together for dinner Monday, and now everyone was responding with their availability. Eventually the question was directed at you, but you only said you’d think about it. You set the chat on mute and got into bed, dreading the tomorrow, but you couldn’t stop it, so might as well get some good sleep.

🖤

“So, how was your trip?”

    You had completely forgotten how your Friday night went, so when Jason popped the question Monday morning you panicked a bit. The weekend was suddenly a jumbled mess in your mind.

“Uh… good. We did some hiking and swam out in the lake.”

“Oh, did you have smores?”

“Yup. I burned a marshmallow or two.”

“Well, how about you tell me more over dinner?”

“Another company dinner? So soon?”

“No, I was thinking just the two of us.”

“Oh… I already have plans for tonight. Sorry.”

“Your little group again?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, rain check on that dinner then.”

“Ok.”

    Jason caught you off guard with that request, and even though you didn’t intend to go to dinner with the others, that just spilled out of your mouth as a way to avoid Jason’s request. You didn’t have to go, but now that you put the idea out there you were considering it. At the end of the day Jason wished you well, and that was a good enough push to go. You were also somewhat worried Jason would follow you to make sure you weren’t lying, so you were going. You didn’t send a message ahead, and just showed up, your presence met with cheers.

“Y/n! So glad you could make it.”

    You were greeted by Johnny, Ten, Jeno, Jaemin, Yuta, Xiaojun, Renjun, Shotaro, and Sungchan. Their energy rubbed off on you quickly, and you took a seat between Yuta and Shotaro. Food was already cooking, and you ordered a drink. The conversations were about the day, and how Mondays always seem to drag.

“So, you work in an office.” Jeno questioned. “Right?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“You got any office drama to share.”

“Oh well, I don’t really socialize with my coworkers.”

“But you must hear everything.” Ten said. “Right?”

“Uh…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to share. I get it if you only focus on your work.”

“Well it’s hard not to listen in…”

“Oh, so what’s going on?”

“One of the girls in my office… she has a picture of her and her boyfriend on her desk, I believe his name is Eric. Yet I’ve heard her on a personal call in the bathroom on more than one occasion where she’s talking to someone named Maurice. The way she talks to them… sounds like a boyfriend too… so I think she’s like playing two guys.”

“Damn, that’s dangerous.” Renjun commented. “How long has that been going on?”

“Since I’ve heard, at least two months now, but it could be longer.”

“That’s crazy.”

“It explains why she’s always dressed so nice and stuff, she’s got two boys buying her things.”

“I wonder how she dates them.” Johnny questioned. “Do they alternate weekends?”

“Maybe it’s a threesome.” Shotaro said. “That’d be hot.”

“I doubt it.” You countered. “She can barely handle her assignments, I doubt she could manage two guys.”

“What about you?” Yuta asked. “You dating?”

“Me? No, I haven’t really dated.”

“Ever?”

“Yeah…”

“So you’re a virgin?” Jaemin teased. “Right?”

“Uh…”

“Jaemin, behave.” Ten hissed. “Let’s just enjoy the food and the wonderful company we have tonight.”

    Thanks to Ten the conversation shifted, some of the others sharing workplace gossip. You stepped away for a moment to use the restroom and came back, checking the time. It was getting late and you knew you needed to get home. Even though it seemed like they were going to keep going, you had to excuse yourself first. Xiaojun offered to walk you to your little drop off location, and everyone agreed, they didn’t want you walking alone at night. You couldn’t refuse, and you wouldn’t have either way.

“Have a good night, sleep well.”

“You too, night.”

    You made it back to your apartment safe and sound, happy with how the night went. You got ready for bed and crawled under the sheets, cuddling yourself. At least you ended the day on a good note, so even if you had work in the morning, it didn’t bother you as much. You closed your eyes and peacefully drifted off to sleep.

🖤

“You’re running from someone, why?”

    Your eyes shot open when you heard a familiar voice, finding yourself back in that weird living room space, Taeyong staring at the night skyline outside the window. As you sat up he turned back to you, that gentle smile from before. He sat across from you, watching you, waiting.

“What?”

‘I already have plans for tonight… sorry’

    Hearing your voice from some unknown place startled you, just like last time. You hadn’t seen Taeyong since you returned, and you said these words at work. It made no sense for him to know any of this, yet he did, and his expressions gave nothing away.

“I wouldn’t say you’re lying, but you are running away from this person… aren’t you? Jerry, is it?”

“What is this?”

“I’m just trying to help you understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Why you need us.”

“Excuse me?”

“Twice now we’ve invited you into our circle, and you’ve accepted twice, not necessarily of your own will, but as a means of escape.” Taeyong chuckled. “I might have taken offense to that, using us as your scape-goat, but you’re comfortable and open around us, have been from the start, and that’s very good.”

“I don’t…”

“But why are you running to us? Are you aware of the answer? That you know we can protect you.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about and-”

    You felt so out of control in this situation, and it was annoying you. Taeyong was stepping out of lines in ways you couldn’t even understand. You stood with the intention of leaving, doing anything besides listening to him, but as soon as you stood you collapsed, sinking back into darkness.

🖤

    You inhaled sharply as you woke up, taking in your surroundings to ground yourself in reality. You took some deep breaths, reminding yourself everything was just a meaningless dream, and the sooner you thought of other things, the sooner it’d fade away. When you looked over at the clock you saw that you were up before your alarm, and you didn’t think you’d be able to fall asleep again. Since you had some time, and your mind was still on the dream, you figured you’d do something you should have done from the beginning. You searched the web for information on NCT.

    At first you got the basic information. NCT was a gaming company focused on the development of VR and AR technology. It wasn’t a big company, and the tech wasn’t really perfected or well enough for general market consumption. That explained why the name sounded familiar, but you had to look it up to get an answer. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, until you went beyond the company information. You found some forum talking about them, specifically those gatherings and presentations they have. You weren’t the first to take interest in their words, and it seemed some approached them with an interest to know more, but it all seemed to go the same way.

    Many on the forum reported having strange dreams after getting close to NCT, and those same people from the group approaching them more often. It started off innocent, invitations to socialize and one could really get to know them, but the strange dreams persisted. Furthermore, the group themselves became more persistent in their attempts to socialize, and get to know them. It got to a point of borderline harassment, and many had to make reports, change numbers, or even move away to get them to leave them alone. None of that sounded good, nor was it something you wanted to deal with either. Although you thought maybe those things could be exaggerated, as who doesn’t lie on the internet.

    Your alarm going off was your sign to stop searching the web and get ready for work. Your thoughts lingered on NCT and what you read but you didn’t let it bother you too much. You made it to your job without issue, going about your day. It was mostly quiet until lunch time, when Jason asked you to join him. There was no excuse this time, and you honestly felt like you owed him, so you agreed, somewhat reluctantly. He was overjoyed, talking about a good place as you made your way down. Once you stepped outside you were met with an unexpected surprise.

“Y/n.”

    When you heard your name called you looked over, seeing a familiar face approach you, it was Kun. He seemed excited to see you, meanwhile you were confused how he found you.

“I’m glad I caught you before you went out. Shall we?”

“What?”

“Lunch.”

“Sorry” Jason cut in. “But y/n is having lunch with me. I think you’re outta luck”

Kun scoffed. “I believe you’re the one out of luck here. Y/n already agreed to go with me.”

    Before you could say anything, Kun grabbed you and pulled you to his side, although Jason quickly reached over to grab you too.

“Let her go.” Kun stated. “Before you cause a scene.”

“You’re the one causing a scene.”

“Y/n, it’s okay to admit you forgot about today. I understand work must keep you busy.”

“Uh…”

“Just tell him that and let’s go. I don’t want you rushing through a meal.”

    You looked between the two, not really sure what to do. You didn’t like this situation either way, and there was no way you got out of it alone. You had seconds to think, and you made the choice that would benefit you more.

“Sorry, Jason. It really must have slipped my mind. Tomorrow, lunch, for sure, I promise.”

    Jason sighed and let you go, telling you both to enjoy yourselves. You offered an apologetic smile, and suddenly Kun pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“Let’s go.”

    He grabbed your hand and pulled you along as you held your cheek, shocked by his actions. You also had no idea if anyone else saw that. Still, you followed him, going to a nice cafe and enjoying your lunch break. Kun didn’t bring up what happened outside your job, just wanting to talk about you and make you smile. Despite the situation, you did have a good time, but there was something you had to say.

“Kun.”

“Yes?”

“I’ve had a great time hanging out with you, all of you, but this is where I must part ways.”

“Huh?”

“I need to focus on other things, and I don’t really think this group is for me.”

“Ah… I see…”

“I hope you understand and can relay the message to the others.”

    You didn’t want to hear anything else, so you got up and thanked Kun for the meal. Although he grabbed your arm and held you back for a moment. His grip was gentle, but you knew he’d hold on if you tried to move. When you looked at him, he didn’t meet your eyes, simply keeping his gaze ahead.

“Don’t believe everything you read.”

    Those words sent shivers down your spine. You couldn’t articulate anything, and Kun let you go. For a moment you stood there frozen before you scurried out of the cafe. Your mind was running, thinking about what he meant, but you tried not to let it bother you. Surely anyone who looked up NCT on the web would find what you did, and your decision wasn’t all because of that. Once you were back in the office you could calm yourself down. Quickly removing yourself from that group chat without looking at any other messages.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?” You looked up to see Jason. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You don’t look so good.”

“I guess lunch didn’t agree with me.”

“I see… I’ll do better tomorrow.”

“Huh?”

“Tomorrow, lunch together.”

“Right, right.”

“I’ll let you get back to work then.”

    The rest of the day kinda dragged, so you were grateful when it finally came to an end. You made your way home, and sighed in relief when you closed the door. You were looking forward to sleeping, kicking your shoes off and making your way inside.

“You shouldn’t believe everything you read on the internet.”

    You screamed and jumped, looking over to see someone sitting on your couch. It was Taeyong. Now you were visibly shaking, he had broken into your apartment and you had no idea what he was going to do. Somehow you regained the sense to think straight, and you turned around with the intention to run, only to bump into Johnny. He smiled down at you, gently pushing you back.

“We’re not gonna hurt you.” Johnny cooed. “We’d never do that.”

“How… why…”

“We can’t lose synchronization.” Taeyong spoke as he got up. “So this is necessary.”

    Johnny flipped you around and held you in place as Taeyong approached you. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and you desperately tried to get away, but soon enough two others approached from your sides, Jaehyun and Jungwoo, boxing you in. As Taeyong stood before you he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a small vial and a needle. You watched as he filled the needle with an unknown substance. Jaehyun wound up grabbing your face and pulling your head to the side to expose your neck.

“Please… please don’t do this!”

“You’ll be fine.” Taeyong assured. “Promise.”

    Out of the corner of your eye you could see the needle coming closer, eventually feeling the pinch on your skin. You whimpered, but there was nothing you could do. Jaehyun let you go when it was over but Johnny kept his hold on you. Taeyong reached over and gently caressed your cheek. You were starting to feel sleepy, even though fear still gripped you right.

“Please…”

“Sh, just sleep. I’ll see you soon.”

    You couldn’t stop yourself from slipping under, drowning in the darkness with no idea when you’d see the light again.

🖤

    You gasped as you came to, your mind trying to catch you up on everything that happened. Taeyong and others broke into your apartment and attacked you, drugged you. Now you had no idea where you were, and as you took in your surroundings you became very confused. Everywhere you looked it was dark, the only light coming from all the little dots. It looked like you were staring up at a starry sky no matter which direction you faced. You slowly stood, seeing the ground was the same, and you were partially afraid you’d sink into this void, but it seemed like you were walking on air.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

    You turned around to find Taeyong, who quite literally appeared out of nowhere. He was dressed in white robes, and that’s when you realized you were dressed in a similar fashion.

“Where am I? What is this place? What did you do to me!?”

“I know you have a lot of questions, but now isn’t the time for them.”

“What?”

“Today is just for establishing a connection. We’ll have a proper induction when the time is right.”

“I…”

    Taeyong grabbed you and pulled you into his arms. He rocked you gently to the side, rubbing your back and softly humming. You started to feel something climbing up your legs. It felt warm yet cold. You pulled away enough to look down, seeing that this galaxy was rising up and swallowing you. When you tried to move, Taeyong just held you tighter.

“There’s no need to be afraid.”

“What is this!?”

“Salvation.”

    You couldn’t move your legs anymore, you felt like you were paralyzed down there. Taeyong wasn’t though, he held you and began laying you back. He was all you could see, the starry skies filling up every other inch of your vision. You held onto him, not wanting him to drop you into whatever this was, but it seemed that he intended to go down with you.

“You can close your eyes if you want.”

    Soon enough you felt that same warmth and chill against your back, your grip on Taeyong getting more desperate. It didn’t stop anything, as you felt this substance engulfing your body inch by inch. You couldn’t help but shut your eyes and hold your breath as you felt it at the back of your neck. Once you were completely under you felt like you were floating. You couldn’t feel Taeyong anymore, you seemed to be alone. Whatever this was, it was terrifying, but as you remained in this limbo, you couldn’t help this feeling of peace overtaking you. Even in this darkness, there was some form of comfort you couldn’t explain. You weren’t alone, not really, not anymore.

🖤

    You sighed softly as you woke up, laying still in shock over what had happened. You were in your bedroom, tucked in under the covers, safe and sound. You slowly got up, seeing that you had beat your alarm by a few minutes. You turned it off so it wouldn’t bother you, but you stayed in bed for a moment, staring up at the ceiling. You seemed to be okay, you didn’t feel weird or sore. Now you were wondering if everything had just been a dream, including the break in. From what you had read, and telling Kun you were done, maybe your worst fears got the best of you.

    Regardless of all that, you actually felt better. A sense of calm and peace swimming within you. It was nice to start the day in a good mood for once. You got up and got ready for work, going about your usual commute. Even the office appeared to be in a nicer light, so you felt that the day would be good. It honestly started off that way, but as the minutes ticked on, you began to feel this headache growing. You thought nothing of it, going to the breakroom to get some medicine, but it didn’t seem to help. Now you were struggling to focus, but you wanted to push through until the end of the day.

“So, are you still up for lunch?”

    As always, you kinda forgot about Jason, especially that you had agreed to lunch today. Despite your headache, you weren’t going to rain check on him again, better to get this over with, although you weren’t sure going out would be a good idea.

“Do you think we could order something and eat together in the break room? Gives us more time to enjoy our lunch break.”

“I like that idea. I’ll email you some restaurants and you let me know which one you prefer, it’s on me.”

“Oh, you don’t have to.”

“I insist.”

    Jason was kinda a nice person, and today of all days, you were seeing him differently. You always thought maybe he was trying to make a move, and not catching on that you weren’t interested, or not caring, but maybe he was just being nice, genuinely nice. No one else in the office really bothered to socialize with you outside of work inquiries. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to make a friend. Although none of that made the headache any better. If anything you swear it was getting worse. Still, you didn’t want to ditch Jason, so you at least told yourself to have lunch, maybe some food will make you feel better, and if not, you’d head home early. 

    The two of you had the break room to yourselves at lunch time, and the food smelled delicious. As you ate you were starting to feel a bit better, thinking maybe this whole headache was because you skipped breakfast. You made idle chat with Jason, although he did a lot of the talking. Maybe you could get to know him like this, but it didn’t last long. It was probably half way through your lunch when you heard shuffling around the office. You thought someone was back early or had forgotten something when two gentlemen walked into the break room.

“Delivery.”

    Jason was confused, whereas you were annoyed. Yuta and Jungwoo were dressed up as delivery boys, having brought some food. They claimed it was for you, but you knew you hadn’t ordered anything.

“I think you guys have the wrong place.” Jason said. “I can show you out.”

“It’s for y/n.” Jungwoo smiled. “Her favorite.”

    You hated the fact that it was true, they brought food from your favorite place, and the smell let you know they picked out just the right dish. Still, their presence and all this didn’t make any sense.

“You guys need to leave.” You stated. “You got the wrong place and-”

“We don’t.” Yuta cut in. “Actually we came here for you.”

“Me?”

“Alright, you need to leave.” Jason ordered. “Or I’m calling security.”

“How’s the headache, y/n? Is it getting better?”

“Leave.” You hissed. “Now.”

“We can’t do that.”

“I am calling-”

    Jason intended to step out and get security but Yuta wound up jumping him, and getting him into a chokehold. Before you knew it your coworker was on the floor knocked out cold. You had gotten up and backed away from the scene, horrified. To add to everything, your headache had gotten severely worse, and you were having trouble thinking. You grabbed your head, struggling to figure out what to do.

“I know it’s messy.” Jungwoo said. “But Taeyong sent us to get you.”

“Go away… leave… leave me alone…”

“We can’t do that. You’re not okay right now.”

“And who’s… who’s fault is that…”

“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” Yuta added. “So let us help you.”

“No, no… stay back.”

    Of course you couldn’t do anything to stop them in your state. The fear and pain were mixing together, keeping you off balance. Before you knew it they both stood before you, tears stung your eyes, and Yuta reached up to wipe them away, holding your gaze.

“Everything’s going to be fine.”

    You felt Jungwoo gently pulling up your shirt, his hand touching your skin before you felt a pinch. You looked down just as Jungwoo pulled out the needle. An incoherent mess of words spilled out of your mouth in panic but it did nothing to stop the darkness creeping into your vision. Your legs gave out first and Yuta caught you in his arms. You could vaguely see his lips moving, but no sound made it to your ears. Instead you just closed your eyes, at least glad that the headache would stop for a while.

🖤

    When you regained consciousness you found yourself in bed once again. For a moment you thought getting up and going to work and all that was just another dream, but you opened your eyes to confirm you realized you were wrong. You weren’t in your bedroom, instead somewhere else entirely, you were in someone else’s room. You sat up looking around, well aware that wherever you were, this place was fancy. The sheets were soft and the bed was very comfortable. Although most noticeably your headache was completely gone. 

“You’re awake.”

    You were about to get out of bed when you heard a door open. Taeyong entered the room. He seemed happy to see you but you weren’t.

“Where am I?”

“My home.”

“Yours?”

“This is the Resonance Hotel, penthouse suite, my place.”

“And why am I here?”

“To rest and recover. I should apologize. What happened to you doesn’t usually occur. Although it is a good sign.”

“A brain splitting headache is not a good sign! What the hell did you do to me!”

“Formed a connection. Usually it settles on its own over a couple of days, but the headache is a result of rapid growth.”

“You’re speaking gibberish to me.”

“It’s hard to articulate, but you’ll need to stay with me for a while until things settle.”

“Why!”

“Because I am the core, and your mental stability is very important. As long as you’re by me, you’ll be fine.”

“You kidnapped me.”

“I could sense your distress and sent two of my boys to collect you.”

“Kidnap.”

“If that’s how you want to see it.”

“No, that’s what you did, and I refuse to be your captive.”

    You got out of bed and stormed past Taeyong, figuring the door to leave was down the path he came. Now that you knew you were in a hotel your surroundings made sense. When you left the bedroom you found a hallway, and you just picked a direction. You wound up in the living room, seeing some of the others playing games. They all turned to you, confused, and a few made attempts to stand, but Taeyong stopped them.

“Leave her. The elevator to the lobby is down that way.”

    Whether he lied or not, you went that way, figuring you’d find a way out yourself eventually. Taeyong didn’t follow, but one of the gamer boys did, Haechan. He didn’t say anything but his presence was creepy enough. You ignored him though, continuing your path and determined to get away from all of them. You could already feel the bits of a headache coming on, but you ignored them. When you saw the elevator you were relieved, hitting the button and stepping inside. You tried to shut the door quickly but Haechan made it in with you. He gave you a proud smirk.

“I’ll escort you.”

    You stuck to a corner, letting Haechan hit one of the only buttons he could, the down arrow. He kept his back to you, but you were still weary of the whole thing. The display only showed that the elevator was moving down, and you could feel it. Although you definitely had no idea how many floors this hotel had, and every moment that passed you felt the headache getting worse.

“Oh, you might want this.”

    Haehcan turned back and held out your phone. You felt so stupid for simply walking out without thinking about it. You took it back without a word, seeing that you were already shaking. It was getting hard to think, like before, but maybe it was just the panic from the whole situation, or feeling trapped in this little box with a stranger. You certainly felt like you couldn’t breath, sinking down to the floor, grabbing your head. Every second that passed made it worse and worse you felt your head was going to explode.

“Sta… stop… stop, stop, stop.”

    Haechan hit the stop button, and even though it didn’t fix anything, you certainly weren’t feeling any worse. You had no idea what this was, but you wanted it gone, you wanted it to stop.

“You made it pretty far, I’m impressed.”

“What’s… what’s happening…”

“The connection has to settle, and you need to be with Taeyong for that to go smoothly. You’d be in worse pain if I wasn’t here to help, even if just a little.”

    The receptionist down at the lobby called in to make sure if everything was alright. Haechan confirmed that you were both fine, and then he hit the up arrow button. You didn’t want to go back up, and even if you didn’t really understand your situation, that seemed to be your only option. The pressure in your head started to fade away, and you felt more in control of yourself, but it didn’t change your destination. You felt better by the time the elevator doors opened, seeing you were back in the penthouse.  You didn’t move though, you didn’t want to, but you couldn’t stay there either.

“Come on, let’s get you back to bed.”

    Haechan helped you to your feet, keeping his arms around you as he walked with you. Those you passed by didn’t say anything, and you wound up back in what you believed to be Taeyong’s room. He was waiting for you, sitting on the bed reading a book.

“Are you alright?”

“Asshole.”

“Some sleep should do you good.”

“How long are you going to keep me here?”

“It depends, but given how far you went just now, perhaps a day or two.”

“Excuse me!”

“It’s already pretty late. You should sleep and I’ll have something brought over later for dinner.”

    It was clear he wasn’t gonna give you any answers, so you might as well just get some rest. Taeyong wasn’t gonna move, so you laid down as far from him as possible, keeping your back to him. By now your headache was gone, so at least there was that. Although you didn’t actually want to go to sleep, you’ve had weird dreams about Taeyong before, you had no idea what would happen with him so near. So you were just quiet, more or less pretending to sleep, trying to figure out how you could get out of here.

    Later on food was brought over and Taeyong gently shook you to wake you. He didn’t seem to know you hadn’t fallen asleep as he was busy with his book. You were hungry, but you weren’t sure you could trust the food. Still, if they were going to do anything to you, they would have done it by now. So you just ate a bit, enough to get you through the night. Taeyong didn’t say anything in that regard, simply excusing himself for a moment. You thought your headache would return the moment he left the room, but you were absolutely fine. That made you realize that maybe this was all some elaborate trick.

    Something was done to you the other night, and that must have caused the headache. It didn’t get better until you were here. And on the elevator, you weren’t alone, Haechan could have done something to you as well. Perhaps if you could leave without any of them knowing, none of them could actually stop you. Since it was late now, the windows revealing the sun had gone down, you just needed to wait for everyone else to fall asleep. That was the plan, and you just needed to wait for your moment. When Taeyong returned he got ready for bed, telling you to do so as well, and you complied with that.

    Now you both were lying in bed in the dark, and you kept your back to him. All you had to do was not fall asleep. You were tired, but determined, so that helped you stay awake. Your mind would wander, trying to find anything to distract yourself with. After what felt like enough time you reached over for your phone on the nightstand, carefully checking the time, it was one in the morning. You slowly sat up, not wanting to make too much noise. When you looked over at Taeyong he seemed sound asleep, and you carefully whispered his name, checking to see if he’d wake up, but he didn’t respond.

    You continued to move cautiously as you got out of bed and made your way out of the room. Even if the place was big, any sound could wake the whole place, so you had to remain quiet. You could more or less see the way you needed to go, careful not to make the floors creak too bad as you walked around. After an eternity you made it to the elevator, hitting the button. You felt completely fine, adding to your theory that they were messing with you somehow. You stepped into the elevator and quickly closed the doors behind you, letting out a breath of relief when you started moving down.

     Slowly, but surely, the headache began to appear. It wasn’t bad like before, and you certainly felt that you had gone farther than before. This didn’t make sense, but maybe whatever they did had lingering effects. You could push through this, it wasn’t bad, and you were determined to get out. When the elevator doors opened you stumbled out, quick to lean against the nearest wall for support. You took a few steps before you needed to sit down, sliding down to the floor. You took some deep breaths, trying to focus your breathing and your thoughts. If you could get home, things would get better.

    You were grateful no one came across you like this, cause you had no idea what you would say, but you did start to feel better. In fact you could feel this headache starting to pass. It brought a smile to your face, knowing you were right. You looked at your phone to see how you’d get home from this place, when it was suddenly snatched from your hands. Your first thought was you’d have to chase after some thief, but you looked up to see Taeyong.

“I see you’re feeling better.”

    You swallowed nervously, not sure what to do in this situation. Taeyong browsed your phone for a minute before turning it off and putting it in his pocket. Of course your headache was completely gone now, but you refused to believe it was him.

“Let’s go back upstairs.”

    You scrambled to your feet with the intent to run, but Taeyong quickly caught you and put a hand over your mouth. He dragged you back over to the elevator, not letting you go until the doors closed. You tried to reach for the buttons but he held you back.

“That’s enough, stop it.”

“What the hell are you doing to me!”

    You were frustrated, scared, so completely lost you burst into tears. You had so many questions, but no answers, and everything around you just seemed impossible. You collapsed to the floor, crying into your hands. After a moment Taeyong sat down next to you, pulling you into his arms, gently rocking you and rubbing your head while he held you.

“It’s okay, let it all out, it’s okay.”

“What’s going on… please… please just tell me…”

“You don’t have to be afraid.”

“I am…”

“Sh, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

    When the elevator doors opened Taeyong tried to get you up, but you wouldn’t budge. He found your actions cute, so you both stayed put. The doors closed giving you both some privacy.

“You’re coming along nicely. You actually made it to the lobby.”

“Asshole…”

“I’m not, but why are you so mean to yourself?”

“Huh?”

“That coworker of yours, Jaymson or whatever, always hitting on you and making you uncomfortable, yet you think he deserves a chance?���

“What?”

“Or your job in general, working so hard and not getting recognized or a promotion. You’re doing so much for a company that doesn’t care for you.”

“I don’t… what are you talking about?”

“You know you deserve love, right? Actual, proper, love and care, not whatever it is you’ve been getting from those around you.”

“…”

“Even though you were shy you still came out with us, and you had a fun time too. You don’t have to feel like that once or twice every few months, it should be everyday. We’re here for you, and we can, we will, give you everything you could need. That’s what NCT is all about.”

“My… my head…”

“Most people connect on the surface, sharing memories and interests, but I have a way to make those connections much deeper, I can make them real. I’m in your head, and you’re in mine, and all the others. I suppose the simplest term would be telepathy, but it’s much bigger than that.”

“You’re in… my head… my dreams…”

“Dreams, such a beautiful canvas. There’s so much we have yet to show you.”

“Why… why me… why did you do this…”

“Because you wanted it.”

“No, no I… I didn’t… I don’t…”

“Even with just a small, temporary, connection you opened up to us, our compatibility was much higher than I’ve ever seen with anyone else. Deep down you knew what we were, what we’d give you, and you wanted it. Of course I saw you got scared, and if that grew too much we’d never be able to establish a true connection, even if you wanted it later on. I did this for you, because I know this is what you wanted, what you need.”

“You… you’re not… you’re not human…”

“Perhaps I’m not, I’m certainly greater than one.”

“But… but the headaches…”

“I’m sorry, I should have taken into consideration how well we bonded the first time. It’d surely mean you’d be far more sensitive to the connection process than others. It should settle soon enough, and then you’ll be back to normal, well, better than before.”

“Then why… why you…”

“I told you, I’m the core, the center, the beginning. Everyone connects with me first, and then I can open the door to everything else.” Taeyong kissed your head. “You really do need to rest.”

“I don’t… I don’t wanna go there… in my dreams…”

“I can do that.”

    Taeyong got you to your feet, walking with you back to the bedroom. You didn’t say much else, still processing the unbelievable nonsense he had told you, but you were also too tired to think. Taeyong tucked you in under the covers, carefully getting in himself. He gave you your space, although he stayed up to make sure you fell asleep, promising you’d sleep well. Whether you believed him or not, exhaustion was taking a hold of you, so you closed your eyes to get some much needed rest.

🖤

    In the morning you found yourself warmly wrapped up in Taeyong’s arms, seeing that he was deep in sleep. You had slept fine, no dreams at all. Although it made you feel kind of empty.

“Afternoon…”

“Huh?”

“Is it not?” Taeyong peeked an eye open. “Is it actually morning?”

“I’m used to waking up early…”

“Alright. I’ll text someone to come take you for breakfast.”

“I can’t leave?”

“Given last night, not yet.”

“Right…”

“Ya.”

“Hm?”

“After lunch you should be alright to go, I’ll have someone drive you home.”

“Okay…”

    After a moment there was a knock at the door. Doyoung peeked his head in, gesturing for you to come with him. Taeyong had already gone back to sleep, and you quietly made your exit. You joined Doyoung and the others at the breakfast table. You were still weary about the food though.

“Come on, this stuff is the best.” Shotaro said. “You have to try some.”

“Uh…”

“Trust me, open wide.”

    You almost felt like a slight compulsion to do as he said, carefully leaning over to have a bite of what he was offering. It was good, as expected, and it made your stomach growl. A few chuckled, but nothing was really said. You would be leaving anyway, so you might as well enjoy the food. Shotaro was more than happy to feed you other things, petting your head every time you had a bite from him.

“Taeyong said you should be alright to go home after lunch.” Doyoung repeated. “So what do you want to do? You can go back to bed if you want.”

“I should really call in sick from my job first.”

“And after that?” Mark questioned. “How about some games?”

“Games?”

“You know we are a gaming company. We’ve got great VR set ups here. We could play some Among Us, Mini Golf, or some single player stuff.”

“Uh…”

“It’ll be lots of fun.” Chenle assured. “Trust me.”

“Sure… we can play some games.”

“Yes!”

    After breakfast, and calling off from work, you joined the others in their game room, seeing how big it was, and how the only danger from wearing a VR set would probably be hitting each other. You let them pick the games, just mainly tagging along, but you did have fun. It was a good way to pass the time, since before you knew it, it was lunch time, and you could go home. You thought of possibly seeing Taeyong before leaving, but you didn’t want to bother him. Although you were nervous about getting into the elevator. Jungwoo assured you that you’d be okay, and if you weren’t feeling well you could go back.

    The trip down was fine, no headaches at all. It was the same for the trip home. You made it back in one piece, thanking Jungwoo for the ride. Once you were back in your apartment you felt more at ease, going to your own bedroom to lay down. It really wasn’t as comfy as Taeyong’s bed though. You had a while before bed anyway so you busied yourself with chores, somewhat pondering what has become of your life. You weren’t entirely sure you could believe what Taeyong had told you last night, but you were trying to make sense of things.

    Although in the end you weren’t entirely sure you could go back to them, regardless of how much you enjoyed their company. Being drugged and kidnapped weren’t qualities you should have in friends. That also meant it was probably time you really did better for yourself, making friends and finding a good person to be with. It was certainly a long and weird journey to reach that conclusion, but it was for the best in the long run. You showered and got into bed, ready to face another, but with a whole new outlook on life.

🖤

    No one really seemed to notice your absence, but you weren’t offended by that. Work really keeps you busy, and the same could be said about them, so one is bound to miss things. Especially the quiet girl. Of course only Jason was the one to notice, and you were actually worried about what he was going to say.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Uh… yeah… sorry about lunch the other day. I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t worry about it. I get your headache was killing you and you had to head home early. I’ve been there.”

“Yeah… still sorry…”

“Well, if you’re up for it, company dinner tonight. You in?”

“Uh… yeah, actually, I’d love to go.”

“Awesome. I’ll see you then.”

    The people around you were the ones you could connect with, and it was about time you made an effort. You weren’t exactly planning to leave this job anytime soon. At the end of the day you gathered your things like everyone else, following along for dinner. You heard a few whispering among themselves, rather surprised and annoyed you’d be joining them, probably because they weren’t used to your present. You wound up at the end of the table, Jason at your side to make sure you were kept in the conversations which you appreciated. You didn’t drink, but the others did, and Jason surely did.

    He wound up with an arm around you, making all kinds of jokes, some you were sure weren’t appropriate. Still, by the end of the night it seemed everyone had a good time. It wasn’t entirely the best for you but there were moments, and the food was delicious. You all saw your boss, and then everyone began going their separate ways. You were well aware Jason was in no condition to be alone, and he did hold onto you. He began mumbling compliments and thank yous for helping him out, but you figured it’s what a friend would do.

    You helped him get a cab, making sure he’d be getting home safely before sending him off. It was pretty late out by then, later than you’ve ever been out before. At least the place was close to your job, so it was only a few extra minutes on your commute. You went over to your usual bus stop, patiently waiting. The streets were mostly empty now, but the quiet and cool air was pretty nice. You spent your time on your phone, checking the bus time and browsing socials. You didn’t pay much attention to the cars passing by, and there didn’t seem to be anyone else to join you in your wait. So you didn’t really notice the four vehicles parking nearby.

“You are unbelievable!”

    You looked up to see Sungchan storming up to you, only for Johnny to grab him and hold him back. You were quite surprised to see them here, let alone so late at night. Although it wasn’t just them who had shown up.

“Sungchan, calm down.”

“After everything, they’re just gonna leave!”

“No, no, no, that’s not going to happen. They just need some guidance.”

“What are you guys doing?” You questioned. “Did you see me while you were passing by?”

“That’s funny.” Ten chuckled. “I didn’t think you’d be friendly with us.”

“What?”

“I thought you decided we couldn’t be friends. Cause friends don’t kidnap and drug you, that’s no fun.”

“How do you…”

“I see someone still doesn’t believe me.”

    Taeyong came up from behind you, placing his hands on your shoulders, startling you. When you looked back up at him, you saw this look of disappointment on his face.

“What are you…”

“We’re connected, remember. You, me, all of us. So I know, we know, every pretty little thought that goes through your head. I believed after our lovely chat the other day you’d come to realize that we’re your friends, we’re good people, and that you don’t need anyone else.”

“I appreciate the sentiment but-”

“Clearly. I was wrong. Instead I’ve led you down a path of self-harm. You willingly went out with all those people, put up with their hurtful words and looks, the harassment from that Jaime guy as well.”

“…” 

“That’s on me for letting you go too soon, and for that I must ask forgiveness. From you, and from my brothers. You’re young and new to all this, a child lost in the world. We’re here for you y/n, in every way imaginable.”

“I’m alright.” You stood up, stepping away from Taeyong. “Really. I enjoyed my time and-”

“We all know you’re lying.” Jungwoo said. “Don’t do that to yourself.”

“You guys, have a great thing going for yourselves, but it’s not for me. I appreciate that you’ve helped me grow, and that you’re worried about me, but I’m alright.”

“You’re not.” Kun stated. “Not by a long shot.”

“Look, I am trying to be nice here, but you all showing up like this and talking to me this way. It’s borderline harassment. I want nothing to do with your group, or you guys. So leave me alone or I will get the police involved.”

“Try it.”

    You rolled your eyes and intended to walk away. At this point you might as well get a cab and get yourself home. Although some of the boys blocked your path, and when you tried to walk another way, more cut you off. They had you surrounded.

“I am calling the police!”

“Go for it.” Jaemin chuckled. “I’d love to see this pretty little girl try to use a phone.”

“What the…”

    You ignored them, trying to keep calm despite the fear creeping up. You grabbed your phone, typing in the numbers, but for some reason you couldn’t hit the call button. Your hand started shaking, a sudden headache coming on. For a moment you lost your balance and stumbled a bit, Jaehyun catching you before you fell, but you quickly stepped away from him.

“Don’t touch me!”

“I thought you were calling the police?”

“I… I am…”

“Our little girl wouldn’t do that.” Yuta teased. “She has no reason to.”

“I do!”

“I don’t think she knows how to use that thing anyway.”

“Wa… what?”

    You looked down at your phone, seeing it glitch. You tapped at the screen but in that state it was useless. You were desperately trying to get it to work, also pushing back this headache, and in your clumsy state you wound up dropping it. You tried to reach for it only to watch it get crushed under a boot.

“You didn’t need that.” Jaehyun said. “Did you now?”

“You son of a-”

    You lunged at Jaehyun, wanting to hit him for his actions, but he stepped back, and in your state you wound up collapsing onto all fours. You were breathing heavily, trying to regain back any sense of control, and sense of self. But it was all too difficult.

“Get… get out… of my… my… head… please…”

“We’re connected now.” Taeyong reminded. “There’s no undoing that. You, me, all of us. We’re one. We move as one. We live as one. We think as one.”

You shook your head. “Get… out… leave me… alone…”

“Why would we do that? You don’t want to be alone, do you?”

“… please…”

“I know it all seems so scary now, but we’re doing this for you.” Doyoung assured. “You don’t have to be alone, unwanted, or unloved, ever again.”

“… no… not like… this…”

“I understand you can’t see the bigger picture right now, but you will. One day. I promise.”

“It’s late.” Renjun reminded. “We should go home.”

“Agreed. We don’t want her getting sick.”

    Tears rolled down your cheeks, dripping onto the floor. You had no idea what was going on, but fear gripped you tight. You had to run, you had to fight. Perhaps that rush of adrenaline was all you needed. Someone helped you up to your feet, and you just elbowed them in the face. Maybe it was also your mild state of delusion that gave you strength, and so the small moment of confusion gave you clarity, and a chance to run. You had no idea where you were going but you just needed to find people, someone, anyone, who could help you.

“No one is going to help you!” Jisung shouted. “There’s only us!”

    You screamed and collapsed to the ground, holding your head. You felt like your brain was on fire, and there was nothing you could do to put it out. You continued screaming, letting the pain engulf you, hoping maybe your cries would be heard, and help would could.

“We said no one is going to help you.” Haechan knelt down at your side. “It’s just us out here, and in there.”

    He playfully tapped your head, and you continued to scream, your tears blurring your vision. Eventually you felt hands grab you, lifting you up and holding you there. The headache began to subside, but your throat was sore, and you felt so drained. You couldn’t escape, and there was no hope for you.

“There is hope sweetie. We’re here for you, we’ve got you.” Jungwoo caressed your cheek. “We’ll start over okay, a clean slate. Everything will be alright, you’ll see.”

“Liar… you’re all… liars… psychos… monsters!”

“No, no, no, we’re far from that.” Taeyong cooed. “We’re basically the definition of perfection. You’re one of us now, you belong with us, you belong to us. We’re so happy to have you cause you’re perfect, just like us. We’ll make you perfect.”

“… no… no, no, no!”

    You didn’t care that you’d scream yourself hoarse, that your thrashing would only further exhaust you. If this was it, then you were gonna go down fighting. You didn’t expect to break free, and you also didn’t expect Taeyong to grab your chin and hold you still, his eyes staring deeply at yours.

“Let me save you some trouble. Fighting will get you nowhere. We’re all one.” Taeyong pressed his head against yours. “One mind, one being. To exist as one we must have perfect synchronization, and absolutely no disruptions. You’re still new to all this and resistant, so you’re the disruption. A disruption we will fix. So it’s far better you give up and give in to us, to me. You’re not gonna win no matter what you do. Your thoughts, your will, your sense of self, are mine now. My will is rooted deep in you, and you can’t ever get me out. So you either take a deep breath and accept the bliss I will give you, or I will break you, in every sense of the word, in every way you can think of.”

“Is this… how you… treat… those… you care… about…”

“We have to be on the same page first, baby. So what’s it going to be?”

    There was nothing to think about. So you just closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You were exhausted, but an answer had to be given.  Slowly you opened your eyes, once again meeting Taeyong’s gaze.

“I hate-”

“No. No, you don’t. You’re not capable of hate, baby girl. Trust me. There is nothing but love here, from us to you, and from you to us. Okay?”

“… uh…”

“I know you’re tired but you can say it, I love you.”

“I…”

“Go on.”

“…”

“It’s okay, we’ll work on that.” Taeyong kissed your head. “Let’s get you home.”

(II)

[thatlovinfeelin]

Flightless Bird | eleven | Bradley Rooster Bradshaw

Synopsis: Josephine Wilson Miller is alone for the first time in her life. She got married after her first year of college and became a housewife, but that life is gone now. So she runs to San Diego, to her childhood best friend Jake, where she meets the man who could very well be her salvation.

series warnings: unplanned pregnancy, just pregnancy in general, talks of infertility. past mental and emotional abuse. anxiety. talks of women's reproductive systems (idk)

“Kiss me back,” She whispered, pulling him closer to her.

“Jose,” He whispered, hands gently pushing her hips away, “Stop for a second.”

Jose felt like she’d been zapped, suddenly her brain didn’t feel foggy anymore. There was more than just the two of them. The little kick from inside her reminded her of that fact. She sucked in a deep breath before stepping away. She needed distance.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking,” She rushed to say, “I misread this.”

She backed away some more. Bradley knew that brave girl was gone again. She was scaring herself away this time. He could practically see as she talked herself out of whatever this was. He reached for her, trying to keep her from running.

“Hey, no,” He said so softly it almost hurt her, “That’s not what this is, okay? I just…I know you need someone, and I don’t want to be the person you cling to because of that. I don’t want you to think that-” “If things had been different, like if I hadn’t been married and if I wasn’t pregnant, I would’ve stayed that night at the bar,” She told him, “We would’ve had drinks and I would’ve gotten to know everyone, but I’d still want to leave with you at the end of the night.”

His forehead dropped to hers. He made a noise, somewhere between a sigh and a groan.

“You aren’t here because I feel like I need someone,” She continued softly, “You’re here because I want you, Bradley. God, even Jake and Nat know it.”

He shook his head slowly, “You aren’t mine to want.”

“Bradley, Michael signed the papers,” Jose repeated again, “I’m not married anymore. I’m free to want whoever I want. For once, I’d like to think about what I want, not what anyone else wants for me.”

He brought a hand up to gently stroke her cheek, “And what about what you and your daughter need?”

It was her turn to sigh. Her daughter moved again, as if knowing they were talking about her. The movements were still at the stage that they almost tickled. However, she knew soon enough they would have a lot more power behind them.

“Can I tell you something?” She asked him.

“Seems we’re already being extremely truthful already.”

“She moves more when I’m around certain people. I’m not sure if she can really hear everything going on outside here yet, but she seems to like some voices more than others. She likes Jake’s, but only when he’s using his actual accent, she kicks more at that…and yours. Little Munchkin seems to really like it when you’re around.”

“I-”

Jose stopped, realizing how much she just said, “Shit, I’m sorry. I finally have some energy again, and the hormones are literally about to make me crazy. I used to have a habit of just ramblin on when I was younger, used to drive Jake insane. It’s like I’m a runaway train sometimes and I just can’t stop. I’m scarin you aren’t I? I’m sorry, I really just need to-”

“Stop talking,” He whispered, stepping towards her again, closing whatever distance was left, “I didn’t think I ever wanted a family, or that I could even really have one. After seeing what my mom went through…I never wanted to subject anyone to that. But then you and your sweet little smile and addictive accent showed up. I’ve fucked up a lot, you know that, but I don’t want to fuck around anymore. Not with you.”

She smiled so big it almost hurt her cheeks, “Then don’t anymore.”

He pulled her as close to him as he could manage without squishing her or her stomach. She shivered, despite the fact that it was still warm enough outside. Bradley only smiled. He didn’t realize how much he could actually care for a woman until Jose showed up. For the first time in his life, he finally understood the love that his father must’ve felt. He gave up trying to chase that feeling years ago, but now it was all he wanted.

“Well, Miss Wilson,” He dropped a gentle kiss to her forehead, “I think I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

A sound caught in Jose’s throat as she hugged him tightly. This felt like a new beginning to her, for so many reasons. Jose felt nothing but peace as he held her. She hadn't felt peace like this in years. Not since she was a child. Certainly not since she married Michael.

Behind them, Jake cleared his throat, “Are you just going to stand there with the door open? Or is Bradshaw going to come in for dinner?”

Jose’s cheeks turned pink as she buried her face in Bradley’s chest, “Jake.”

“I’ll start flicking the porch light on and off,” Jake warned, a hint of a laugh in his voice.

“C’mon, let’s get you off your feet,” Bradley said softly, giving her a gentle push towards the door, “Hangman, you want help cooking?”

“Do you even know your way around a kitchen?”

“Do you know your way around a jet?”

Jose only smiled as the two men bickered in a way that friends would. She didn’t know the whole truth behind their relationship, what happened before she came along. But knowing that they seemed to get along now was enough for her.

“They’ll be like this for the rest of the night,” Natasha told Jose once they both sat in the living room, “I swear they fight like brothers these days.”

Jose pulled a blanket around her, “As long as punches aren’t being thrown.”

Nat shook her head, “Not in a long time, actually. They’ve been on their best behavior for a while.”

“You talking about us, Sweetheart?” Jake called from the kitchen.

“All bad things, Bagman,” Nat called back, winking at Jose. “So, are we having a baby shower for you?” Natasha asked a little while later.

“Why? I only know the three of you,” Jose shrugged, “And besides, I got most of what I need second hand. I mean, obviously there are a few things I need to buy new, like a car seat. But I don’t-”

“Oh hon, you’re a part of our family, you know that right? The whole squadron knows about you, and have been dying to meet you. Plus, there’s Maverick, and Penny.”

“I’m not asking a bunch of strangers to show up at a baby shower with gifts for someone they don’t even know,” Jose argued.

“Strangers to you, but family to Jake and Bradley,” Nat shrugged, “Which in a way already makes them your family too.”

“No. I don’t want anythin like that,” She said again, “I don’t need it. I don’t- if you haven’t noticed I don’t do well with a lot of people.”

Natasha was quiet for a while. She knew Jose was shy and that she had her reasons. She liked to keep her circle small. So Nat never tried to push the other woman when it came to other people. She would tease her about Bradley because she knew she could. But she knew there were lines she couldn’t cross.

“Alright, but at least tell me what I can get you,” Nat sighed, “Because you and that baby are getting something from Aunt Nat.”

Jose shrugged, “I don’t know. I’m kind of figuring all of this out as I go.”

“Well, I’ll call my mom, or one of my siblings,” Nat replied, “We have so many kids in the family, I’m sure one of them will have some idea.”

Jose sunk into the couch a little more. She was an only child, and more likely than not, her daughter would be too. The fact that she was even able to have one baby was a miracle in itself. Jose doubted she would ever get the chance again, even if she might want it one day.

“It must’ve been nice growing up with siblings,” She said almost sadly.

“Oh, Jo, I’m sorry.”

Jose waved her hand, “Don’t worry about it. She’ll have her aunt and uncle to look after her. Maybe cousins one day too?”

“Maybe, if he gets off his ass and starts asking the right questions,” Nat joked, “But you know, I’ll always look after both of you, right?” “I know, you’re like the sister I never had,” Jose replied, “I never got along well with Jake’s sisters. Well, not his older sisters at least, his younger sister was a little too young to be friends with.”

Nat nodded, “They aren’t fans of me either, don’t worry.”

“That’s because they hate everyone,” Jake added, leaning over the back of Nat’s chair so he could kiss her, “They’re awful judges of character.”

“You should bring your mama out here,” Jose suggested, “Her, I actually miss.”

“Bringing her means bringing him too.”

“Am I allowed to say I hate him?” Nat questioned.

“Yes,” Jake and Jose replied.

The sound of pots and pans clanging drifted from the kitchen. Jose eyed Jake, silently asking what was happening. Jake just shrugged and sat on the arm of Nat’s chair.

“He kicked me out of my own kitchen.”

“You stopped listening!” Bradley called.

“Big surprise,” Jose laughed, throwing a pillow at Jake, “I’m a better cook anyway.”

“Bradshaw!” Jake called out as Jose got up, “Keep your damn hands to yourself while you’re in my kitchen. You hear me?”

“Jake, follow your own advice,” Jose said over her shoulder, “Then maybe we’ll talk.”

[storiesbyrhi]

Angel of the First Degree - Chapter 12: Villains

Eddie Munson x Chubby!Reader 5748 words Series Masterlist

Warnings: Anxiety; fatphobia including internalised; drug use; bullying; body issues; discussion of body function and fluids; period shame/stigma; disclosure of sexual assault (chapter 2); disordered eating and thoughts of food; shitty/abusive/critical parents; porn magazines; smut; reference to suicide (specifically Virginia Woolf’s); no beta; grief/mourning; verbal fighting; warnings updated each chapter

Synopsis: When Eddie Munson finds you in the midst of a panic attack, it is the beginning of something. A fic featuring body and sex positivity, Eddie in a dress, soft small moments, scary big truths, and all the usual special feelings you’d expect from one of my stories.

Chapter Summary: The Seniors graduate. It’s the beginning of the end…

Author’s Note: I am not American so I straight up forgot ‘Thanksgiving’ exists. Casually skipping over it. Also, shoutout to anyone that saw the end note of last chapter before I caught the mistake; I put the end note for this chapter in it too lmaoooo.

Eddie’s hair wouldn’t fit under the graduation cap.

“Maybe if I, like, pin it on?” you thought out loud.

“Pin?!” Eddie screeched.

“Not safety pin. Hair pin,”

“Oh.”

Flattening some of the cap, you managed to get it to sit stable on his head. You smoothed his robes and took a step back.

“Don’t look at me like,” he mumbled, turning to leave.

“Eddie. Stop. Come here.” Taking his face in your hands, you smiled at him. Positively beamed. “You did it,”

“Yeah, yeah,”

“No. No, don’t do that. This is big. You’re allowed to be proud of yourself,”

“Oh, yeah, super proud of being a twenty-year-old high schooler,”

“First of all, you weren’t really trying before, were you? And, even if you were, you know better than anyone that this is all…” You shrugged. “It doesn’t work for everyone. School is… a…” There was an exact phrase Eddie had used before. What was it?

“Rigged system,”

“Yes! It’s rigged, right? So, who cares how long it took you to get here.”

Eddie nodded and gave in to the feeling of accomplishment.

When you and Eddie appeared in the lounge room, Wayne had to bite his tongue. He was going to cry and he’d never hear the end of it. “We ready then?” he asked.

You nodded and headed for the door. As you climbed the steps, you heard Wayne whisper a, “Proud of you, son,” to Eddie and it filled you with supreme love.

Wayne took his car, so that you and Eddie could head to the graduation afterparty straight from Hawkins High.

“Can I ask you something?”

You frowned, threw Eddie a suspicious expression. “Yeah…?”

“I know we talked about it, but… are you absolutely sure you don’t want-”

“I’m sure,” you interrupted.

Eddie was the absolute last person to want anything to do with your parents, but he was scared you’d regret not having them at your high school graduation. They would have got the invite in the mail, like all parents did. However, they hadn’t called or stopped by to talk to you about it. The one time Eddie asked if you wanted to reach out to them about it, you shut the conversation down fast.

Eddie nodded. “Okay.”

Later, when you crossed the stage and accepted your diploma, both Eddie and Wayne stood from their respective seats far apart. Eddie cheered ridiculously and you felt loved. Despite yourself, you glanced at the rest of the crowd. They weren’t there.

When it was Eddie’s turn, he got a standing ovation from Jeff and Gene, and Dustin – who had sneaked in and sat at the back of the crowd. For all the endless promises of flipping Principal Higgins the bird, Eddie didn’t. He blushed. Always full of surprises.

After the ceremony, Wayne presented you with a bouquet of peonies and Eddie a teddy bear, head only as big as a D20, wearing a little graduation cap. It was on a chain, ready to hang from the van’s rearview mirror.

The afternoon was cold, and the congratulations and pride only warmed you all so much. Wayne headed home, peonies accompanying him so they’d be safely put in a vase of water. You and Eddie headed to Chrissy Cunningham’s house for the only party where the entire cohort was welcomed. ’86, baby.

…

“So, high school graduate, what do you want to do with your newfound freedom?” you asked Eddie.

You were sitting on the floor of the bedroom a week or so after graduation, going through your notes and textbooks to see if there was anything worth keeping. Eddie had slept late, his light snoring and occasional sleep-babble the soundtrack of your morning. It was nice, just existing with no plans. No deadlines. No responsibilities.

Eddie shuffled his way to the edge of the mattress and peered down at your mess, no intention to ask what you were doing.

“Thought we would… go shopping,” he said, voice still croaky with sleep. He cleared it, then added, “Like we talked about,”

“Talked about? When?”

You honestly couldn’t recall one instance where you and Eddie had planned on going shopping. What could he possibly need?

“Ah, in the hotel. After the dance.”

Eddie watched you look up and frown at him, the cogs in your mind clicking and turning with thought. It was visible on your face when you remembered.

“Oh,”

“If you still want to,”

“I do,” you confirmed, nodding. Butterflies spawned in your tummy.

Since the dance, you and Eddie had spent a significant amount of time in bed, to the point where you knew each other’s bodies as well as your own. However, you had yet to feel as confident as you did that night. There was something about the novelty of the hotel room and the big event and all the fuss that made it seem… not real. Returning to everyday life, to the bed you shared with Eddie, to casual clothing, took some adjustment.

The ride to Lafayette started quietly as you played with your ruby ring and watched the sprawling Indiana landscape speed passed. Soon enough, Eddie had begun telling you about Jason Newsted, hardly taking a breath between sentences.

“You remember that album I played for you? The debut? Doomsday for the Deceiver? Well, the bassist for them is joining Metallica, after, you know, Cliff. Apparently, he learnt their whole setlist.”

No, you didn’t remember the debut record. Flotsam and Jetsam were only one of the dozens of bands Eddie introduced you to in an attempt to indoctrinate you into the metal life. Still, you nodded, and listened. You loved Eddie all the time, but when he got all revved up and excited, it was a sight to behold. He talked all the way to Lafayette.

“You sure about this?” Eddie asked when he pulled up out the front of Love Shack.

The name alone made you feel hot with embarrassment; still, you nodded to him and got out of the van. Eddie took your hand and lead you inside, all bravado and pep.

“Woah, woah, woah there Van fuckin’ Halen. Gotta be 18 to be in here,” a guy that looked like he moonlighted as a proper biker called from the register. “You look the part, but your girl there…?”

“She’s of age,” Eddie said, looking to you as you fished your ID out.

You’d skipped a grade in elementary school, turning 18 a week before the ill-fated 7 Minutes in Heaven party at the end of Junior year. The guy checked your ID, nodded, and handed it back. “First time huh?”

You nodded, afraid that your voice would come out broken or strained.

“Not for me. Just showing her the sights,” Eddie told the man.

“Right. Leave you to it then,” and he did just that.

Wherever Eddie went, you were close behind, looking at things you had never even thought could possibly exist. Things that made you feel bad and gross. Things that made you curious. Things that made you laugh. Things that made you all tingly and warm.

There was nobody else in the store and the music the right volume to cover any awkward silence well. The guy at the counter was reading a book, not paying any mind to the two of you. You felt comfortable enough to separate from Eddie, look around on your own. Bravely, you even flipped through a couple of magazines.

You stopped to read a poster, big cutesy letters spelling out ‘kitten playset’ catching your eye. The poster girl was on her knees, but sat back on her legs. She had pastel-coloured lacey cuffs, ornamental and sweet. Her collar matched, with a small heart-shaped tag with her name dangling from it. Cat ears sat on her head and the fur was the same as that in the tail that came from behind her, although you couldn’t tell where the tail was actually pinned to her.

“Found anything interesting?” Eddie asked, making you jump a little. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you,”

“It’s okay. Just wondering… Never mind,” you told him dismissively, shrugging.

“It’s one of these, but like, with the tail,” Eddie said. You turned around and watched him pick up a small object. It had a suction cap on one end, and was made of silicon or soft plastic. You knew what it did without having to be told.

“Oh,” was all you offered him. Your focus felt cloudy while your mind filled in the blanks and showed you the kitten playset in many forms.

Eddie put down the anal plug and took your hand, moving to show you the wall of vibrators. “I think we just… start small. Simple.”

Ultimately, you picked a vibrator that required two batteries. It was small, around 10 centimeters in length. Plain black. Functional. Good for beginners. The guy at the counter processed the sale with the type of disinterest that put people buying sex toys at ease.

Eddie wore a stupid fucking grin all the way home.

…

“Welcome to Build-a-Bear, have you visited us before?” Kasey asked. You recognised her immediately, but she’d stitched together countless bears between Hellfire and Angel and your second visit.

With the money Wayne presented at breakfast, you and Eddie took a trip to the mall. Eddie picked up his new guitar strings and spent some time talking to the guys in the music store. You wandered around, pressing the odd piano key here and there.

At Build-a-Bear you picked a scruffy looking bear and named him Guthrie, in honor of Wayne. At breakfast, he’d given you strict orders not to recreate him in teddy form. Guthrie felt like a fitting alternative. Eddie carried the bear out of the store on his shoulders, a piggyback for a plushie.

“Alright, need anythin’ else while we’re here,” Eddie asked, casually looking around.

Across the mall, you spotted Hayley and some of the now-graduated cheerleaders. What do you call a cheerleader who doesn’t cheer? Are they just girls? Young women? Will they grow and change and regret the callousness of their past?

Hayley locked eyes with you. Fear ran down your spine, an automatic reaction to a situation you’d been in so many times before. But, high school was over. Hayley held no power over you anymore. It was like she knew it, she simply looked away, turned back to the magazine in her hand.

Eddie hadn’t noticed but had clocked Chrissy walking in your direction.

“Uh, on your nine,” he said, taking Guthrie off his shoulders and grabbing your hand. “Wanna go?”

“No, it’s okay,” you answered, turning in Chrissy’s direction.

“Um, hi,” she said, stopping a safe distance from you and Eddie. Her eyes flicked from you to him, then back to the ground. Chrissy gathered her thoughts and looked up. “I… I wanted to say something at the grad party, but… I, um, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

It threw you a bit, your hand tightening around Eddie’s. You could feel his pricky energy beside you, ready to jump in the moment you needed.

When you said nothing, Chrissy continued. “I’m sorry for not being a better friend. What happened to you last year was… bad… And, um… I should have said something. I should have stopped Hayley too. I just…”

“I know,” you told her. “I get it.” Honestly, you did. Chrissy’s mother could have easily rivaled your own in the cruelty department. You’d seen how she spoke to Chrissy about her appearance, about cheering, and her grades. About Jason. About going to church. About her future. About everything.

“I know… I know you do… That’s why I should have been a better friend…” Chrissy left ‘we could have helped each other’ unsaid. “I’m happy you found…” She looked at Eddie, unsure what to call him and his Hellfire friends. “Good people,”

“…Thanks. I hope you do too,” you replied genuinely.

Chrissy smiled, soft and sad, then gave an awkward wave and left. You watched her for a moment more, before looking up at Eddie. His eyes were still glued to her.

“Lot more lost sheep out there than there should be,” he said, his voice slow and quiet, an indicator that a thought got lost from point A to B, finding its way out his mouth before he could stop it.

“Yeah.”

You hoped Chrissy would be okay. That she’d live a long and happy life, find something better than the family she was born into, better than Jason, better than Hawkins.

Eddie took a breath in, sharp and sudden. Then, “Alright. Let’s go, angel. I’m fucking starving.”

After lunchtime pancakes at the diner in town, you made your way back to the trailer. Wayne had left for work already, so you were alone.

“Do you think it’s too early for Christmas movies?” Eddie asked as you plonked yourself down on the couch and kicked off your shoes.

“You like Christmas movies?”

Eddie was shaking his jacket down his back, throwing it on the coffee table. His Reeboks came off next, then he knelt down in front of the television set, looking through stacks of unorganised VHS tapes.

“Oh, yeah. Black Christmas. To All a Goodnight. Christmas Evil. Gremlins. Don’t Open till Christmas. The Dorm that Dripped Blood. You know, the classics,” he explained, turning around to give you a trademark grin.

You could help but smile back, heart aflutter with how utterly Eddie he was being. “I mean… we’re between Halloween and Christmas, right? Might be the perfect time for a festive horror?”

“Babe, you get me,” he replied with a laugh.

Eddie put a tape in and joined you on the couch, crashing down next to you with enough force you thought he was going to crush you for a second. He always landed with his weight on his hands though, never hurting you in the slightest.

“Alright, so even though this is pretty new, it’s arguably one of the best Christmas horrors. Came out… last year? Maybe the year before? Or the one before that. It kind of came out of nowhere, like, it’s not written by one of the big guys,”

“Big guys?”

“Yeah, like Craven or King or Carpenter. But people were pissed. All up in arms about good ol’ Santa being the bad guy,”

“Eddie! Did you just ruin the ending?!”

Eddie cackled. “No. It’s not that type of film. It’s just pure slasher… Which is why the puritans of the United States of Christmas America tried to get it banned and shit. Only just came out on tape because of it all. Had to be edited. Less gore.”

You loved when Eddie told you about something like that. He’d be animated and excited. Eloquent. Funny. Engaging.

“What’s it called?” you asked.

“Silent Night, Deadly Night.”

You snorted. “That’s a dumb name,”

“Yeah, but the deer antlers, babe. It’s fucked.”

Eddie was right. It absolutely was fucked. You cringed at the special effects in the film, understanding why people considered it to be too explicit. All in all, it was okay.

“I give it a B minus,” you stated as the credits began to roll.

You were stretched out on the couch with Eddie on his tummy between your legs, using you as a pillow. Throughout the film, he had been pressing lazy kisses to your stomach, hips, and hands.

“She’s hard to please,” he mumbled, his face mashed into your t-shirt.

“Am not. I just get sad when the villain is only bad because of something that happened to them. It’s like… Boring.”

Your argument interested Eddie, he lifted his head to look at you, folded his arms across your body, and rested his chin on them. “Continue,”

“Well, like, isn’t it scarier when someone is evil but there is no reason to be?”

Eddie thought about it. “You’ve got a point,”

“Right? And like, it’s kind of mean to keep saying that if shitty things happen to you, you’re going to become the villain. I mean, bad things have happened to us and we don’t go around killing people.”

Eddie was perceptive enough to see your argument was one part head and one part heart. He nodded. A sly, wicked little smile flashed on his face then. “I mean… You don’t know what I do when you’re not around,”

“Oh?”

“Mmmhmmm,” he hummed, crawling up your body and holding himself over you. “I could be the villain. The very bad, very evil guy,”

“Psycho killer?” you whispered, pulling him down by his pick necklace to kiss you.

Eddie did your favourite thing – smiled so hard into the kiss that the kiss didn’t work anymore. He laughed a little. “And you’ve totally fallen into my trap,”

“Playing the long game?” you countered.

Eddie nodded then pressed his forehead to yours. “There’s been others, you know, to keep me… satisfied.” He sounded ridiculous, his voice taking on just a little of his DM flair and a little of his dirty talk tone. “But I’m obsessed with you. Infatuated. Fanatical. Just had to have you.”

Despite the silliness, you could feel your body heating up. Trying to play it off, you giggled and looked away. It didn’t deter Eddie, instead you had just given him access to your neck. Quickly, he kissed a line from the top of your shirt up to just under your ear.

“You’ll never get out of here alive,” he whispered in his best love-sick sociopath voice.

Instead of laughing or pushing him off, your hands curled around his t-shirt. He bit your earlobe and you wrapped your legs around his waist in response. Eddie returned to kissing your neck, nipping harder than he usually would. Purposeful bruises would appear by dawn.

You were unsure how you felt. If you thought about it, your mind turned to morality and you recoiled at the idea of being hurt by a man. That train of thought lead you to Andy and your father. But, if you didn’t think at all, if you focused on physical sensation, it was different. Your body betrayed your mind and you wanted to go all in on the fantasy. And, if you focused on Eddie and Eddie alone… well, fuck.

Eddie, for his part, wasn’t thinking at all. He was acting purely on impulse and desire. When you squeaked out, “H-how would you…” but lost confidence in yourself halfway, he nudged your nose with his.

“How would I what?” He kissed you. “How would I massacre my sweet little angel?” He kissed you again, then looked from your lips to your eyes to check on you. Your pupils were blown so wide your eyes were almost as dark as his were on a daily basis.

The expression on your face was new to Eddie. He was sure he’d never seen you look so placid yet you were hanging on his every word. It was electric; he felt like his entire body was buzzing.

“Yeah?” he whispered.

You nodded, your gaze drifting to his necklace. With no premeditation, you opened your mouth and caught it between your lips, sucking it in.

“Jesus,”

“How?” you asked again, spitting the pick out.

“I… I need more space. Come on,” Eddie ordered. He was off the couch and pulling you to the bedroom with a neediness that absolutely thrilled you to your core.

…

“Nope. I love you more. It’s like… science,”

“Science schmience. I love you more,” Eddie replied.

It was sometime well after the 3:00 am witching hour. You and Eddie had thoroughly explored the fantasy, and were winding down with the help of a joint and cups of shitty packet mix hot cocoa.

“Maybe…” You knew it was a dangerous thing to say. There was time to stop yourself but you didn’t. “You just love me because you feel bad for me.”

Eddie’s easy happy expression dropped. His head tilted up just a little, enough to tell you he was thinking carefully. “Is that what you think?”

“No… But, you know, you kind of saved me… And, you do love a broken thing.”

He sat up. “If I only love you because… you were a broken thing,” he started. “Do you only love me because I saved you?”

“What? No,”

“Ah, so there’s plot holes in your theory, angel.”

Eddie reached out and ran his thumb along your bottom lip. He would have loved you if he’d found you ditching class and giggling behind the woodwork shed. If you’d given him the time of day, he would have loved you no matter what. There was a reason he’d remembered the small interactions you’d shared before 1986.

And, if you had given him the time of day, you would have loved him no matter what. It wasn’t the valium and the roof over your head that made you fall in love with Eddie. It was everything in between and beyond.

It was reductive to say your love was tied to saving and being saved. Love didn’t bloom because trauma planted the seeds. Because healing was rain and safety was sun.

Love bloomed for the simple and entirely irrevocable fact that it should.

Eddie turned the bedroom lamp off and pulled you into him. You rested your head on his chest, felt the steady rise and fall of his breathing.

“I wish I quit cheering sooner,” you whispered through the darkness. “I might have… become me faster. Might have talked to you properly before this year,”

“I don’t know… Used to spend a lot of time thinking about how things could have been different. You know, with my, uh, parents… and all that. But it doesn’t really help. Doesn’t change anything… I mean, I wish it didn’t take me three years to graduate high school… but if it didn’t, wouldn’t have you, so… maybe it’s better not to wish things were different.”

Sometimes Eddie would drop a line of cosmic wisdom, and you felt honored to know him as that smart and thoughtful boy as well as the absolute madman that wanted sex while you were on your period and stole jack-o-lanterns for the sole purpose of destruction.

“Okay,” you said. “Well then, right now, I don’t think about any of this being different. Everything is just… good.” You wished there was a better word.

“Yeah, it is,” Eddie agreed, reaching over to run a finger across the stone of your ruby ring. He looked at you, mouth curved into a smile, eyes dark enough to mirror your reflection back at you.

Cuddled into him, you were warm, safe, and content all the way down to your bloomed love bones.

…

Eddie was home alone and he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself. You had gone with Esther to find a dress for your upcoming birthday, and Wayne was running errands and doing the grocery run.

He considered his options. House chores? Nah. Go for a walk? Nope. Give his bong a proper clean? He’d put that down as a maybe. Make a new mixtape. Masturbate. Try to give himself a tattoo using ink and pins. Nap.

Eddie had been sitting on the couch for about five minutes when the decision was made for him. A car pulled up outside the trailer, the gravel crunching under the tires. It wasn’t Wayne; Eddie knew the sound. He was standing to go spy out the window when there was a sharp knock on the door. Eddie didn’t bother with the window, pulling the door open with a casualness that indicated he never would have guessed who was there. He clenched his jaw and folded his arms across his chest.

Your father looked Eddie up and down, the same disgust on his face he wore last time he was in Forest Hills. Eddie said nothing, but glanced over at the car to see your mother in the front seat.

“Guess there’s a part of her that always knew,” your father said. Eddie looked back at him, still giving him nothing. “Doubt you’re getting any acceptance letters. That means she’s leaving you behind?”

Eddie held his poker face as your father shoved a bunch of mail into his arms. Without another word, they were gone.

Slowly, Eddie closed the door and walked to the kitchen bench. He laid out the envelopes, saw the college stamps, and took a breath. They had already been opened, a reminder of the disrespect you endured under their roof. He didn’t want to be like them. He didn’t want to invade your privacy. But Eddie’s rationality left when your parents did.

With shaking hands, Eddie learnt that you’d been accepted into three different colleges. The fact that he recognised two by name – Notre Dame and the University of Chicago – meant you’d done exceptionally well. He felt bad for being surprised. It wasn’t that he thought you weren’t smart enough, it was more that you’d had a rough year. Evidentially it hadn’t affected your grades.

Notre Dame was at least within the state. He could still see you. Or… was your father right? Were you about to leave him in Hawkins alone to rot? Notre Dame hadn’t offered financial support, the letter reading they regretted to inform you no scholarships were offered. How would you afford college?

Eddie was suddenly realising that it was a mistake to never talk about life beyond high school.

The next envelope offered accepted to a community college close by. He knew it was your backup. They offered financial support to pay for classes.

Finally, Eddie held the thick package sent from the University of Chicago. Tears were rolling down his face, landing on the paper and making it warp. You were accepted. Welcomed. Eddie began to grind his teeth. A full scholarship, on the basis that your History teacher was an old classmate of someone in the Humanities department. The recommendation was glowing. It was enough money to fund classes, materials, and a good chunk of living expenses. There was a room in a dorm already assigned to you, pending your acceptance of their offer.

Eddie dropped the letter before it creased in his fist. He tried to blink away the tears, then tried to wipe them from his face with the back of his sleeve. They kept coming. “Fuck!” he yelled so loud the Mayfield’s dog barked in response. He said it again, but it came out in a whisper. Eddie walked in a few circles, then back and forth. His breathing quickly lost rhythm and he started to hyperventilate.

The image of you, happy and Eddie-free, kept flashing in his mind. You in Chicago. You meeting college boys. You falling in love with someone else. You kissing someone else. Fucking someone else. Marrying someone else. Having a whole fucking life with someone else.

He tried to sit down but as soon as his body hit the couch he was back up, verbalising a broken, “Nope,” before going back to pacing. Eddie did all he could to stop from crying, but he crumpled to the floor and whimpered.

Meanwhile, you were in the front seat of Jeff’s car, borrowed by Esther. You were laughing with her, talking her out of any sort of surprise party. She pulled up out the front of the trailer and you asked if she wanted to come in.

“Is Wayne home?” she asked.

“Ahh…” You looked out to see if there were one or two vehicles parked. “Nope. Doesn’t look like it,”

“Then no. If Munson is home alone, god knows what’s going on in there.”

You laughed and shrugged. “That’s fair. Okay,” you replied, grabbing your bag. “I’ll see you later. Thanks for driving,”

“All good. See ya.”

You waved as Esther drove away. The door to the trailer was unlocked, which was not out of the ordinary. You walked in and made your way straight to the bedroom, the quietness usually meaning Eddie was catnapping the day away.

He wasn’t in there.

“Eddie?” you called, dropping your bags and returning to the other side of the trailer. You jumped when you saw him, startled by his still presence on the couch. “Jesus! You scared the shit out of me!”

You were about to laugh when you saw the redness in his cheeks, the hollow look on his face.

“Eddie? What’s wrong? What happened?” you asked, quickly going to him and falling to your knees in front of him. His stare was vacant and it was like he was avoiding your gaze. “Eddie? What happened? Where’s Wayne?”

Still, Eddie said nothing. You stood up and looked around. Nothing looked out of place. That’s when you noticed them. Paper and envelopes strewn across the kitchen counter. Somehow, you knew what they were without reading them.

As you stepped closer, you picked up the letter on top. The University of Chicago.

“Your dad came over.” Eddie’s voice surprised you. You felt ice cold. “Dropped your mail off,”

“Eddie,” you said slowly, turning around.

“So, that’s it?” His voice was hard, not how you were used to. Eddie looked over at you. The expression on his face was accusatory.

“What?”

“You just… come into my life. Make me love you. Make Wayne love you and all my friends. Then just fucking leave? Not a fucking word about it.”

You had never seen him angry. Immediately, you were scared. Your eyes welled up with tears and your bottom lip quivered like a child's. “No… That’s not-”

“I’m so fucking dumb! I really fucking thought you…” Eddie hesitated for only a millisecond. “…loved me. But, ah, I don’t even know what you’re doing. Don’t even know who you fucking are,”

“No. No, Eddie.” You tried to reach for him but he held his hands up and stepped backward.

“Don’t,”

“Eddie, please, I do love you,”

“No. Nope. You don’t... How the fuck could you plan on fucking Chicago, Chicago, and not say anything about it. Your whole life is planned. There’s literally a bed with your fucking name on it there!”

Eddie was being completely unfair. You couldn’t tell that in the moment. You’d had a whole life of being treated unfairly and the conditioning to make you believe you deserved it.

“Please,” you begged. “I applied at the start of the year. I didn’t… I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t have you like I do now. I thought I’d be stuck with my parents if I didn’t find a way to leave. Please, Eddie, listen-”

“No. Fucking no. Jesus.” Then, he said your name. Not baby or babe. Not angel. Your name served bitter.

On the verge of breaking down into either mania or a catatonic state, you turned and grabbed at the acceptance letters, ripping them up. “I don’t want to go, Eddie! I don’t want to go!”

He watched you with cruel indifference. The trauma that was deep in Eddie, the one that took the shape of him as a child, left by his parents, unloved by everyone for so long, had come to the surface. It was violent sadness and terror of abandonment.

Neither of you had heard Wayne pull up or climb the stairs into the trailer. He opened the door, arm holding a bag of groceries, just in time to see your hands full of ripped paper lower to your sides defeated.

“Please,” you cried, stepping forward again.

“Should’ve never fucking trusted a cheerleader,” Eddie spat.

“What the hell is going on here?” Wayne yelled. He watched you reach out for Eddie again, only to have Eddie push your arms away from him.

“She’s leaving,” Eddie told Wayne.

“No! No, I’m not,” you managed to say between sobs.

“Why wait? You should pack your shit and go now. Save us both from any more wasted time,”

“Eddie!” Wayne shot. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Oh, you know. The fucking usual. Not fucking good enough. Not worth it. Right?”

He was so full of rage that you were paralysed. All you could do is look at him and cry, hoping that he’d see you never meant to hurt him.

“Eddie,” Wayne said again.

“Doesn’t fucking matter,” Eddie interrupted, stopping whatever scolding was coming. He darted by Wayne and was out the door before anyone could stop him.

Both you and Wayne watched in shock as Eddie’s van tore away from home, disappearing in a cloud of dust. When Wayne turned around, you were on your knees.

“Jeez, kid. What happened?” he asked softly, coming to pull you up and sit you on the couch.

After your best effort to speak was ineffective, you pointed to the kitchen counter. Wayne scanned over what was left of the letters, growing more confused before he settled the pieces into place. He knew exactly why his nephew had lashed out harder than he had ever before, but it didn’t justify how he had treated you. Wayne came and sat next to you, a hand on your arm to let you know you weren’t alone.

“I’ll kick his ass for this,” he eventually said. “He might be scared, but this ain’t how I raised him to treat people. Especially not girls,”

“I… wasn’t… gonna… leave…” you breathed out.

“I know. He knows. He’s just… He’s like one of those kicked around stray dogs out there sometimes. Not his fault, but still can’t go around biting. He’ll calm down. I’ll have a long conversation with him about this, don’t you worry.”

You were worried. Everything good was crumbling around you faster than you could comprehend. There were horrible truths – like the fact your father purposefully did this – that you hadn’t even begun to face or unpack.

“What if he doesn’t love me anymore?”

Wayne hated the small voice that came out of you. It reminded him of his brother’s wife, and like all the other people he’d not been able to help. Life is hard for a Munson, and it hurt him to see one of his own be the harbinger of heartache. He hated to see shades of his brother in Eddie.

“S’not possible, kid. Not big on the whole… fate thing, but think it’s more than high school sweethearts for yous.”

Wayne made you tea, which you didn’t drink, and followed you along the hallway into the bedroom. You climbed into bed, pulled Eddie’s pillow close, and started to cry again. Wayne turned the light off and closed the door, not knowing what else to do.

Next Chapter: 13 - Pretending

End Note: I’m sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

When I graduated high school, there was one huge party after the ceremony and literally the entire year was invited. It was at one of the cool kids’ houses but everyone went. It was surreal, tbh. So, yeah, all the Seniors went to Chrissy’s house. One night of like… get out of jail free cards and truces.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) is a classic 80s slasher film, not actually gory by today’s standards, but tw: sexual assault. Why do so many horrors have really shitty scenes involving S.A.?

Fic Taglist: @ajeff855 @b-barnes04 @eddie-munson-is-a-sweetheart @nerd-squad-headquarters @word-wytch @harrys-tittie @munsonsmel0dy @sidthedollface2 @eddiethesexy @bardicfrustration @orpheusredux @munsonsgirl71 @a-time-for-wolvess @eddieswifu @rosaline-black @thegirlwhohides @emotionaldreamer @e0509 @briasnow-blog @kiyastrf94 @erinsingalong @rainylana @thescarletangelsstuff @mrsdollardog @tayhar811 @chickennug90

Eddie Taglist: @solomons-finest-rum @ruinedbythehobbit @munsonlives @sweetpeapod @depressooo-expressooo-blog @thorfemmes @hawkins-high @corrodedhawkins @grungegrrrl @lilzabob @mymoonisalways-in-scorpio @averagemisfit03 @ches-86 @ilovecupcakesandtea @onehotgreasymechanic @hazydespair @lacrymosa-24

[bitterkarmaa]

Eclipse paces the expanse of his room, walking the same path, over the same floorboards, with the same troubled expression on his face. His eyes flick to the clock again.

It’s two hours after closing. Why isn’t KC here by now?

In an attempt to dispel his anxiety, he settles down at his desk, his hand coming up to roll one of his screwdrivers over the slick metal surface.

His leg twinges. Subtly, an unnoticeable movement to the eyes of a human, but all too familiar for someone such as Eclipse. His systems nag him about his battery once more, but he forces the panic they bring back down. He has to. He can’t rest yet.

A clatter outside the room brings Eclipse back to the present, eyes darting up and over to the door with a brutal intensity that chips away at his patience like a woodpecker on bark. Despite his inner working begging for him to stay put, Eclipse rises to his feet and walks, somewhat stiffly, over to the door. His hand comes out, grasping the metal knob between silently shaking fingers.

He never had claws like KC did. Eclipse thought they would be handy for his projects, but would otherwise prove themselves dangerous for the children.

He turns the knob, opens the door, and peeks outside.

A scattered group of intruders rustle about the theater outside, poking stray security bots with bayonets of loaded guns. When the door creaks open, they all pause, giving Eclipse enough time to swivel around and close the door once again, backing away with wide eyes and shrunken rays.

Entry not authorized. Intruders on the premises.

Words appear in his sightline, and he angrily swipes them away with rapidly flailing hands and quiet, subdued movements. Silently cursing the latency of the security systems, he backs further into his room, glancing nervously out to the stage that stands like a podium high above the padded floors below.

Suddenly he wishes that the ball bit they’ve been adding recently was finished and deep enough to hide a nine foot tall jester.

Would calling the authorities to yell at them speed up the sirens he hears across town?

Probably not.

Lost in his thoughts as he is, he seems to miss the large hand that clamps down on the stage he was previously considering throwing himself off of.

“Eclipse!” A harsh, hushed tone calls out to the frantic daycare attendant, startling him enough to make him jump and duck away to shield his head like a child having just punched their older sibling.

“Eclipse, bud- it’s me. It’s KC. Now get your ass over here!”

Eclipse unravels himself at once, scrambling over to his father as quickly as he can. Throwing aside the pride and dignity he tries vainly to cultivate in his free time, he throws himself into KC’s arms as soon as they are opened for him.

“Who are those people? Why do they have guns?!” Eclipse hisses, burying his face timidly into his father’s shoulder.

“….remember that lesson I gave you on burglars?”

“Oh my God those are burger hairs??” With a gasp, Eclipse lets out a very stupid sounding exclamation that manages to get a snort of amusement from KC.

“….um….no. Burglars, bud.”

“Oh.”

KC glances over to the door as the lock is rattled, muffled voices sounding from the other side that make a chill run through Eclipse’s body. He hides himself in his father’s protective hold.

“You said they usually want money, right?” Eclipse whispers.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a genius or something?”

“With technology! Not idiotic human tendencies!”

KC hums in response, clearly giving a sort of mockery that it cannot currently display through words. The lock rattles again, clicking noises giving Eclipse the sudden urge to run.

Then, quite abruptly, the lock turns. The door opens, creaking openly in a slow fashion that reminds Eclipse of the horror movies his father sometimes lets him watch. He can feel KC stiffen, its hold tightening.

“How many of these things are there?”

A voice amongst the shadows, smoother than the gruff, gravelly voices he remembers from the screen.

“Too many. Should we fix that?”

Did they not realize that both Eclipse and his father could hear them?

Oh, KC is going to kick their asses. It’ll probably toss them off the stage like the toys the children discard once they get bored. It’ll be that easy. Really quick, too. Then both father and son can finally get their well needed rest and prepare a critically worded demand for staff to make extra sure that security is tight all throughout the building. So many people are slacking these days!

It’s pretty disappointing, honestly.

So disappointing that Eclipse doesn’t realize when KC has set him down. So disappointing that the only thing that brings him back is the loud, sharp, metallic BANG that rings throughout his head in the most agonizing manner possible.

Then the pain moves.

His side.

Oil leaks through his clothes, soaking his attire in an inky darkness that almost seems cruel in contrast to his glittering, flashy orange uniform.

His vision blurs. He hears KC shout something, sounding furious and frantic all at once.

He’s never felt pain to this extent before. When the kids bite or kick, it can startle him and sometimes make him ache throughout the day- but this? What is this?

Sickening.

Why would a human do this? What did he do to deserve it? Did he do something wrong?

No. He’s a good Daycare Attendant.

He is. He’s good. He does what he’s told, and he does it well. He always has.

KC’s arms wrap around him once more, pulling him back with hushed words and soft reassurances, all while splattered with blood that drips down his face like tears.

Eclipse lowers his hand, gently touching the hole, letting the oil soak into his palm before he pulls his hand back to gaze at the substance that freely flows off his fingers.

He turns his head, slowly. The doorway is crowded with bodies. Bodies that still twitch and writhe, struggling to drag themselves out, fighting for an escape they will not achieve.

Something…changes. People would describe it as seeing red.

But as Eclipse pushes his father away, grabbing the closest weapon he can reach…

He sees no red. He sees quite clearly, actually.

The clearest he has ever seen.

And the gunman?

Rabid eyes are the last thing they see before everything goes black one final time.