#i can ignore it most of the time by willfully not thinking about it

[leonardcohenofficial]

it continues to boggle my mind how apathetic and cruel and willfully ignorant people are choosing to be about literal ongoing genocide and cannot do the BASICS of boycotting and other tangible forms of demonstrated action/solidarity. this isn't about posting on social media (many of you have read my spiel about that many times over) but watching people become numb to what palestinians are asking of the world makes me sick like nothing else

i wake up every morning thinking about palestine. i go to bed every night thinking about palestine. i think about palestine every waking hour and let that focus inspire my actions. i cannot begin to comprehend how people can literally or mentally tune out. ​you cannot let this moment paralyze you, it cannot make you inactive.

feeling the ongoing wound of colonialism being further ripped open, seeing those who are most marginalized putting the most at risk through their visible and often dangerous acts of solidarity, but most fucking importantly/horrifyingly, seeing the passivity with which we watch the US and other global powers enable mass death makes me feel like i'm losing what's left of my sanity

[dykesynthezoid]

There’s lots of “Arthur was totally oblivious to Merlin’s magic the entire time because he’s just that dense” and the flipside “what if Arthur had figured out Merlin had magic ages ago and just didn’t say anything” but quite frankly I think there should be more “consciously Arthur refuses to entertain the idea of Merlin being a sorcerer, but his subconscious has been picking up on all the weird coincidences and it’s getting harder and harder for him to ignore”

Like Arthur isn’t always the smartest but I do think there’s a difference between obliviousness and willful ignorance. Arthur has some very obvious reasons not to want to believe Merlin could be a sorcerer. Namely that he cares about Merlin and thinks Merlin is Good, whereas he’s always believed and been taught that sorcery is an absolute Evil. Therefore Merlin cannot be a sorcerer, because he’s not evil.

There’s also the fact that he’s convinced Merlin is incompetent— Arthur’s idea of magic is not just malicious, but intentional. It’s something you do, on purpose, and it requires effort. If Merlin’s incompetent, then he couldn’t be doing any of those things. And Arthur, frankly, throughout most of the show, kind of needs to be able to think of Merlin as incompetent, because if Merlin wasn’t incompetent, it would mean Arthur had been unjustly insulting him and treating him poorly for years.

So Arthur, very willfully, refuses to even entertain the idea of Merlin having magic. It’s just so silly! Except, of course; it’s kind of hard not to notice how suspicious Merlin is. Like. He’s not very good at hiding it. Luckily Arthur is very good at repression, and so he can just kind of ignore that; but that also is only going to work for so long.

And I think there’s so much to be explored about the process of Arthur’s repression starting to fail, and his subconscious finally starting to break through to his conscious mind and call attention to everything about Merlin that Arthur has been willfully ignoring.

And when you add things like Arthur’s daddy issues and internalized homophobia— Merlin can’t be one of them, but also Arthur can’t be attracted to one of them, but also Arthur can’t be attracted to a man, but also men are people who take action, and sorcerers are people who do intentional evil, and Merlin isn’t like that— But he is? And what does it say about Arthur that he— That he could want—

And in all of that Arthur is just sitting there while he mentally fights his psychosexual demons. And Loses. Big time.

[bizbat]

Those Jason crush hcs were so funny (obvi they were cute too) butJason getting so embarrassed he tried to crawl outside with 4 bullet holes and half his blood outside his body was such a mood. Me too dude. Can we have some more of him being delulu about his crush? It was so deliciously embarrassing and funny. What would happen if his wifey/husbando was just boldly was like- “Jason we're not dating, why would you think we were? We're not even having sex?”

EVEN MORE! When They're In Love Headcanons - Jason Todd

🕸️Spiderverse Masterlist🕸️

🐼JJK Masterlist🐼

~ Fem terms used for reader.

~ Mild smut alluded to but nothing explicit.

~ You can find parts One, Two, and Three here!

~ You can find more of my works here.

~ This is gonna be mostly fic bc I am running out of ideas lol. This took an inappropriate amount of time to write omg

~ Jay is kinda toxic so Tw: Unhealthy Relationships Dynamics, mentions of having children, slight violence, Jason is a freak and reader is tired.

By now, I've made it clear that this man is deep in the delusion.

But I haven't really gone into detail in what I mean by that.

I mean he'll say something teasing in jest, and if you reciprocate that energy even the tiniest bit, he will take that and run with it.

Though that's not even solid, bc if you take everything he says literally, he'd still think you're playing along.

Jason could make a joke with someone and not gaf about their response, but you could say the exact same thing as the person he joked with and he'd get heart eyes.

So far, I've kinda been writing with an oblivious reader in mind but a reader who knows all of Jason's delusions would pretty interesting lol.

You'd probably overhear him talking to Roy or Dick about your "date" last night.

Read: He broke into your apartment while you were at work and surprised you with chinese takeout when you got home.

I think if you confronted him about his delusions, he'd be willfully ignorant, and act like he doesn't know what you mean.

~ Drabble Starts Here. ~

Lian seems so happy, you can't bring yourself to be the bearer of bad news.

You're sat beside the little girl at her even littler table, the handle of a plastic teacup loosely gripped between your thumb and forefinger, your pinky high up in the air. The smile on your face is sincere as she mindlessly babbles, pouring sugar water into your cup.

You can't help but grimace when she encourages you and her stuffed animals to drink up, and you can't help but feel like the girl is being somewhat malicious when she seemingly starts interrogating you, only to push the cup of surgery water back to your lips whenever you to to answer her litany of, frankly, over-personal questions.

Some of the questions you don't mind, they're about as pure and unassuming as the pink princess tiara laying crookedly atop her head. It's when she asks if you and Jason are gonna get married and have babies with the most deadpan face you've ever seen on a child, that finally makes you choke on the (syrup) water.

"Excuse me?!" You ask, wiping away the mess on your face with a embroidered napkin and desperately trying not to hack up the rest of the beverage, undissolved grains of sugar still residing in the back of your throat. "Why would we do that?" You manage between coughs.

Lian glances towards Jason, who is sat at the table across from the two of you, his knees tucked up to his chest, as he hides his face behind his miniature teacup, though it's mostly ineffective, as the cup looks like a shot glass in his massive hand. Lian innocently looks back to you, as if you were the one who'd asked the more confusing question.

"Uncle Jay said you were dating. Isn't that what happens when people date?"

You crane your neck as you slowly turn your head towards Jason, who is avoiding your ice cold gaze like his life depended on it. "Oh, really?" You ask Lian through gritted teeth, though your gaze is solidly planted on Jason. "Did he now?"

"Mm-hmm," The small girl cheerfully nods her head, the dark braids framing either side of her face swinging from the force of her enthusiasm. "He told me you guys were gonna have a bunch of kids so I could have more people to play with!"

You can't help but stare incredulously at the child as she explains. By now, Jason's put down the cup, giving up at his attempt to hide behind it and simply covering his mouth with his hand, sitting silently like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs as he waits for you to start chewing him out. But it never comes.

"You are, right? I really want more friends." Lian's pleading is almost enough to make you change your mind and agree right there. Almost. As if sensing that she hasn't fully convinced you, Lian continues, going on and on about how she would be a really really good big sister or cousin if you had babies, or how much she's always wanted to go to a wedding, and how pretty you'd be as a bride, and-

She knows better than to continue when you gently raise your hand, as if you're silently saying "That's enough, Lian, please stop talking." You do feel a little remorseful as the girl's once happy demeanor changes to a shyer, more somber at the apparent rejection. You sigh and roll your eyes, finishing of the tiny cup of, what is now, pure sugar. "Maybe someday, Lian."

You put your hand up again, bracing her for the next part of your sentence when you see her start to get riled up again. "But absolutely no promises. Uncle Jay and I need to have a very important conversation later about it, though." That's enough to please Lian, as she goes right back to asking you other invasive questions that have nothing to do with your love life.

Jason, though happily surprised by your answer, stays silent over the next few hours. He honestly forgets you were ever even mad at him to begin with. It's not until you leave and the sky turns that familiar dark red, that you punch Jason in the arm as hard as possible, which, in all honesty, he can't really feel.

Though he does wince and hold his arm in the place where you hit him, to keep your ego intact if nothing else.

"What was that for?!" He dramatically gasps, pouting as he rubs the "sore" spot on his upper arm. Somewhere in the back of your mind you recognize it's kinda cute that he plays into your delusions. Just a little.

"Why would you tell Lian of all people we're dating?!" Your hand subtly clenches by your side, though you try to hide the slight pain punching him gave you, at the end of the day, Jason was raised by a detective. "Why would you even say that when you know it's not true?!"

"First of all," He starts, grabbing your hand. "I tell everyone we're dating." He starts soothing your sore knuckles as he tugs you towards your apartment building. He's so confident as he speaks it's genuinely bewildering. "And second, we are dating."

When he sees the utterly gobsmacked look on your face he continues. "We go on dates," (he just shows up at your home once a week. "We get gifts for each other," (he got you a stray kitten he rescued off the street and he steals your underwear). "We have sex-"

"Okay, number one: No we don't," You say, holding your hand out in front of you just like you did with Lian. "Number two: No we don't," You can almost see his eyes glaze over. He listens to every other thing you say, but when you're telling him your not together? That's when he tunes out.

"And number three: that only happened once!" It comes out a harsh whisper. Your face and ears feel hot with embarrassment, but Jason just shrugs. "Three times, actually, but who's counting?" Jason has a sweet, intentionally dopey looking smile.

You're left speechless by his demeanor. "Just kiddin' . . . I'm counting." He thinks the awkward, bewildered silence is hilarious. So he just keeps talking. "I mark it down in my calendar . . . Celebrate it once a month . . . Might get the dates tattooed."

"Jason." You interrupt.

"Hmm?"

"Go home." He looks over and realizes you're both in front of your apartment door, having talked the whole way. Again, he shrugs, pulling a spare key out of his pocket and moving to unlock your door. "Oh my fucking g-"

"What?" He stops, holding up the key midair. "What's wrong?" "Jason," You groan, rubbing your temples. "Why do you have a key to my apartment?" By now you shouldn't be so surprised, but you are. "Oh, this?" He hold up the key, equally confused that you would even ask. "I had one made when we started dating. How did you think I get in for our dates?"

He can almost smell the exhaustion wafting off you at this point. "Plus I live here."

"Jason you don't-"

"I'm just busy! I know, I know, I should be home more, but when I'm blah blah blah." No longer unused to his inane ramblings, you unlock the door and push past him. You don't even stop him when he follows you inside, still going on about his delusions. You just roll your eyes when he takes of his shoes and jacket and tosses them aside like they he really does live there.

"You shouldn't make dinner, you've had a long day, we can order-"

He's interrupted by yet another sigh. "Jason," you begin, plopping down on the couch. He shuts up and listens intently to every sound coming from your mouth. "I just . . ." You sit up straight. "You don't live here, you're a stalker, and we are not dating." Jason nods as you talk, slowly, as if he's taking in what you said.

"I . . . I understand. I really am sorry I've upset you, but," He kneels on the ground in front of you, gently placing his hand on your thigh. "I am not a stalker." He's incredulous, and you're tired. At this point, what more can you do beside oblige him and his delusions. You sigh again, a deep, deep sigh that instantly drains you of the rest of your energy and makes you deflate into the couch. "Okay, Jay," You say, undressing as you stand and begin walking back to your room. "You win, you're my boyfriend. Goodnight."

Jason just happily nods as he watches you walk to bed. "Yeah, yeah, I win." He's just happy you finally came to your senses. "Night!" He happily calls after you.

[undiscovered-horizon]

hello! if you accept requests for one peaceLive action (I hope)

could you write reader x sanji and I have a strange idea

what if with reader flirting.... another cook? and Sanji feels not just jealousy, but double jealousy... it's very strange, I know, but still I think it's quite interesting.

thank you in advance🙏💕

Enjoying my work? You can leave me a tip on Ko-Fi | Have a request?

The smell of spices, ripe fruit and freshly made food hits your nostrils. It's markets like this that truly show the genius loci of the place. Mobs of people roll through the narrow spaces between stalls that are bending under the weight of displayed products.

You glance at Sanji, who's walking next to you. Judging by the bliss on his face, you'd think you're in heaven and not some unmarked island in the middle of nowhere.

Then a specific aroma reaches you - something you haven't smelled in a long time but could never forget. It's tangy, creamy and herbal...

"Can you smell it?" you turn to Sanji, suddenly stopping in your tracks. Excitement bubbles inside your chest and cherished memories of beautiful days with wonderful people flash before your eyes.

"You'll have to be a little more precise, love," he answers with undeniable fondness in his voice. His thumb is softly rubbing the skin of your hand.

"Lemon tarragon sauce," you say as if it's the most obvious thing. Looking around, you catch a glimpse of a pot filled with yellow-ish, creamy dip. "Right there!"

Tugging at his arm, you pull him in the direction of the stall and the source of the delightful smell. The market stand is managed by a man around your age. He has a head full of black, dense curls that perfectly suit his tanned skin. There's a clean dish towel tied around his neck as if it's an ascot. Skilled, muscular hands move between pans, pots and counters as he's restlessly grilling meat, fish and prawns to put them in cones made from newspaper and layer the tarragon sauce on top.

The street cook looks up from the dishes when he notices customers approaching. As his dark eyes set on you, the man suddenly perks up and a playful smile curves his raspberry-coloured lips.

"Mademoiselle," he says with a certain intensity to his voice. It almost sounds like he's asking you something.

Sanji immediately cringes at the man's tone. This suave, decadent drawl is something he's also used the very first time he saw you. And considering the fact that you're tightly holding his hand, it had worked perfectly. Now just to make sure that this terragon-smelling, ascot-wearing sleazy guy isn't as successful.

"How can I thank you for brightening up my day?"

"I'd love a serving of prawns with tarragon sauce," you say thrilled. It seems that you're either missing the flirtatious aura surrounding the man or you're willfully ignoring them.

Sanji feels his chest tighten and a bitter taste fills his mouth. Why would you be so excited about someone else's cooking? Worse - what if you will prefer that guy's food over his?

The street cook gets to grilling freshly caught prawns. His fingers skilfully dance in the air as he seasons the seafood and mixes it in the pan. Garlic and lemon pepper fragrances overthrow your senses.

The ascot-wearing man gives you a curious look. "What are you looking for at the end of the world, flower?" he asks.

But before you can answer, Sanji cuts in. "We're on a shore leave," he answers coldly. "Won't stay for long."

"That's a shame," the local chef continues unaffected by Sanji's impertinence. His eyes are fixed on you, eating you up like you're the local delicacy and not the seafood in the pan. "At night the island looks even better. Not that it could compare," he says with a wink.

In a swift move, the man moves the prawns from the pan onto a page from a newspaper. He quickly rolls the paper into a cone. Clearly, he's been doing this for a very long time.

"You're from around here, right?" you carry on the conversation.

"Born and raised, ma cherie," he answers with pride. That shouldn't come as a surprise - ever since the Marines built a base on the surrounding archipelago, the islands have been filled with immigrants who couldn't care less about local traditions and customs.

Sanji feels his irritation only growing, hearing how the pet name rolls off the man's tongue naturally, as though he's calling you by your given name. It feels wrong down to the marrow of his bones.

"So, as a local, can you recommend something to pass the time?"

The bitterness Sanji involuntarily tastes on his tongue is mixed with sweetness that only you can bring him. Of course you don't notice the flirtatious tone - you just want the tarragon sauce and something fun to do before tomorrow comes and the Straw Hats are off for another voyage.

Then, another nice thought stirs inside his head. Maybe you're too deep in love with Sanji to even notice another man's interest? The idea makes him giddy like he's a schoolgirl with a crush. He almost misses the next part of the conversation, too busy with his adorable, a little cringy, daydream:

"While the weather is still good and the nights are warm, skinny dipping is quite popular," the local cook answers while pouring tarragon sauce over the grilled prawns. "Much better with good company," he purrs out. "Prawns with tarragon sauce, on the house." The man hands you your order but with only one cocktail stick as though the blond chef next to you doesn't count as a customer.

Excited, you take the paper cone from the street vendor. But before you can try the food, Sanji takes the stick and takes the first bite.

A frown enters his face as he chews the prawn. Then he sighs in disappointment.

"Do you seriously call this cooking?" he asks the ascot-wearing man. His voice is laced with anger and disbelief. "A fishman would make a better sauce. It's missing white wine and anise. And there's too much garlic."

You hiss his name out but Sanji appears unaffected. Forcing a polite smile, you turn to the street vendor, who's glancing between you and your boyfriend with a look of superiority. "Thank you for the food and sorry for Grumpy over here."

Only when you're a few paces away from the vendor and definitely out of earshot, do you confront Sanji about his mordant humor.

"No need to get snappy."

He forces his lips into a thin line. "His food is shit and he keeps making piss poor attempts at flirting when you're clearly," he lifts your intertwined fingers, "not a mademoiselle." Although Sanji quotes the word in mockery, it sounds delicious coming from him. If you weren't already sharing his bed, right now you'd be seriously considering it. Planning it even.

"So that's what this is about?" you ask as laughter forces its way out of your chest. Considering how whipped you are for Sanji, it seems ridiculous that you could think romantically about other men. "You're jealous about a smooth-talking cook. Sounds like someone I know."

"Does it?" he picks up on your banter. That familiar, playful smile returns to his face. His eyes momentarily light up, flashing you a glint of various emotions: desire, amusement, adoration. "How many smooth-talking cooks have you seduced?"

You shrug your shoulders and shake your head dramatically. "Don't know. Never bothered to count. I'm just looking for someone to make me lemon tarragon sauce any time I want."

Sanji's hand again rubs the skin of your palm. His other hand reaches for your face, fingers brushing against your jaw. "For you, little dove, I'd make tarragon sauce every day."

"With white wine and anise?" you ask, leaning in slightly. His scent of cigarette smoke and frying oil fills your lungs. Suddenly, the market around you is nonexistent and there's only Sanji.

"The best lemon tarragon sauce you've ever had," he murmurs against your face. His nose brushes against your cheeks.

"I already have the best."

His lips taste like lemons, butter and herbs when he kisses you. Honestly, this is the best version of the sauce you've ever had.

[wherevenusholdssomeofficespace]

Linda Flynn-Fletcher

I think Linda Flynn-Fletcher is potentially one of the most misunderstood characters in the show.

It think comes from a natural enough place. Her role in the show is of course, to act as the potential threat to their summers of fun. While they boys never see her as a threat, narratively she's the big bad. If she sees it, its game over.

Here's the thing though. She's a not a bad mom. Her children LOVE her. Similarly to how Phineas and Ferb absolutely adore Candace and would do nearly anything she asked, Phineas, Ferb and Candace all love and respect their mother and don't disobey her. Now a bit of this is clearly Linda being a more permissive parent, but any rules that Linda has Phineas and Ferb never do anything to disobey their mother. While I wouldn't be surprised if there were one or two instances where Candace disobeyed her mother willfully, the closest I can think off off hand is Candace not doing a bunch of chores that she was supposed to do. Really, the fact that all her kids love her, shows how much all her kids feel loved in their household. And I think that's super important. Candace wrote a song about how much she feels loved by her mom, even if her mom is dismissive of Candace. But she still goes with Candace to see what the boys are up to even if she doesn't believe it. She sets boundaries on how often Candace can bust the boys sure. But she hasn't forbidden Candace from doing it altogether. Nor does she punish Candace for presumably lying?

At MOST Linda will say something like: "let's get you out of the sun" after a failed bust. The worst of it I think is probably the time Linda made her promise not to try or suffer the Pharaohs curse. Which, was just some guy in a Pharaoh costume telling Candace curse you. Linda goes out of her way to read books to try and deal with her daughter. She and Candace still clearly hold a lot of affection for each other and do spend a decent amount of mother daughter time together. Linda gives books to her daughter, tries to direct her to other activities, and finds her sleep busting cute, and sometimes goes out of her way to do activities her daughter wants to do with her. All things considered Linda is REALLY patient about Candace's busting. Could she be doing more to get to the bottom of why Candace is presumably acting out? Sure. But Doofensmirtz could also be doing a better job of listening to his daughter and not insulting her (or do we not remember why Vanessa wears earbuds around the house) but we all call him a really good dad.

A LOT of shows have kids hiding a secret from a parent for one reason of another. But while the crux of the show rests on Linda not knowing what her sons are doing, its not because its a secret. The boys aren't hiding it from her. The boys genuinely believe she knows. Lawrence genuinely believes she knows. Candace is the only one in the family who really grasps the situation.

Linda's ignorance, her disbelief of the wild shenanigans that her children get into is easily mistakable for normality. For representing the oppressive day to day. The same thematic antagonist as school. A mom who wants whats best for her kids, and thinks that whats best for them is them being normal, without realizing what's really best for them. After all why else we saw what would happen if she found out in Quantum Boogaloo. But the fact of the matter is aside from that one future (which also featured an effectively evil leader in Doofensmirtz, and therefore implies more factors at play than just Doofensmirtz and Linda's characters), we don't really know how it would play out in the long term. Future Linda even just kinda moves on after discovering the truth.

Linda is exactly like her kids. She just does the same things on a less physics breaking scale. The woman has like 37 different hobbies. She takes a cooking class, donated an art sculpture, is part of a jazz group. She has a background in astrophysics. She was a pop star. She won a meatloaf contest. She takes french lessons. The fact that Linda has several hobbies is part of the reason the formula works at all. Linda is constantly trying new things which gets her out of the house, while her sons are trying their own new things. Her absence is what prompts Candace to have to go looking for her. Also, What Do It Do when the moment Linda gets put in Candace's position she acts the exact same way.

Also it's why she and Lawrence are so compatible. They have a lot of weird hobbies they spend together. She likes Lawrence's history references. They watch car racing together. They went spelunking together. They go bowling regularly enough to have equipment. She has played the bagpipes while Lawrence danced (which sidenote: do you think she taught Candace how to play the bagpipes?).

Not to mention her extended family. Think about it. Her mom was a competitive roller derby skater who once bit a skate and shook it like a dog with a chew toy and pulls elaborate pranks with her identical twin. Really she's a lot like Candace with her aggressive passion. Her dad apparently won a balloon race, but tells the story in the most straightforward way possible, sometimes very oblivious, but is overall a lot like Phineas. Her sister is an adrenaline junky. And back to Quantum Boogaloo for a minute: Her granddaughter is just like Candace, Grown up Candace is a lot like Linda. Do you not see the implications!!?!?!? LIKE???? DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT LINDA WAS PROBABLY A LOT LIKE CANDACE AND PHINEAS WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER?!!?! YOU THINK IT SKIPPED A GENERATION OR SOMETHING???

Do you think Linda used to complain about Tiana??? Do you think Linda thought her family was weird and was embarrassed by them??? Do you think Linda ever called herself the only mature/normal member of her family?? LIKE CANDACE DOES????

Anyway, Linda is just like her family. Sure, she is RELATIVELY more normal, but that's relative, and probably simply because the universe bends itself around to keep her from knowing. Linda literally cannot find out about the real nature of her universe. Linda is just a grown up version of her children, seeking to make the most of each day, but within the bounds the universe has set upon her, both as an adult woman and mother, but also in the laws of physics expected of her. But she still makes the most of her life. You don't have to build a roller coaster to make the most of each day and all that.

I think if Linda is representing anything its that even parents can have rich fulfilling lives. Where they make the most out of each day. Having fun with your life doesn't stop with adulthood. Even if you have more responsibilities doesn't mean you can't have fun? Sure childhood is something you can't get back but growing up isn't inherently bad either?

[gardenofnoah]

middle aged touya my beloved 🫶🏼 (cw: drinking)

in his 40s, Touya is relatively tame. he spends most of his time working on his bike in the dingy little garage across the street from his place. he doesn’t need to work anymore (finally benefitting from nepotism, he thinks with a snort), but he finds himself helping out the elderly couple that live next to him from time to time, usually with an uneven shelf or a leaky faucet. they don’t ask him about his scars and the wife sends him back home with some sort of bread or sweet dessert every time, with the intention of fattening him up, since he won’t do it himself—which he finds ironic because he eats more and with a consistency that he hasn’t ever until now. 

he establishes a routine without meaning to, and at the end of every day he finds himself looking forward to going home—also for the first time in his life—because when he opens the door he’s nearly taken off his feet by the 93(.7, says the vet) pound monstrosity that he cohabitates with. 

he found himself walking through the kennels of the local animal shelter a few years ago, after several of his mother’s gentle nudges to find himself a companion. after making it explicitly clear that she was barking up the wrong tree for grandkids, she just rolled her eyes, shaking her head. 

“I think it would be nice for you to have something to take care of,” she told him, expression only a little worried—but mostly just fond. 

so that’s how he ended up in front of the last kennel in the pound, lowered to a crouch and speaking softly to the huddled, shivering mass at the far corner of it. even as crouched in on himself as he was, touya could see the pale scars that littered his otherwise dark brown coat. he felt the phantom ache on his own skin.

“he’s been here a while,” a worker muttered from behind him, “not sure how much longer they’ll want to keep him here.”

touya turned his head to regard the voice, raising an eyebrow. “what d’you mean?”

“he’s on the euthanasia list. we’ve tried to keep him off of it for as long as we can—but he’s aggressive and there haven’t been any interested adopters. time’s running out for him, unfortunately.”

the reality of it turned in his stomach something familiar and wholly unwelcome. he was overcome with a feeling of sympathetic kinship—it was just like the world he knew to chew up and spit out everything it could. 

he decided he’d try to stop that cycle where he could. 

“I’ll take him.”

“get off of me, you fuckin’ heifer” Touya laughs, pushing the dog back in a way that has it bounding back toward him, eager to play despite his age. neither one are particularly gentle, but there’s an underlying respect that comes with time and patience to keep the rough housing playful. touya hasn’t named the thing (because despite all of the ways he has changed, he’s still a bit of an ass), but any time Fuyumi brings his nieces over to visit, they stuff him into frilly princess costumes and call him whatever variation of “Princess Spotticus Snuffalopagus” they come up with that day—he figures that’s enough. 

he’s home to change and then he’s out the door again—because another first for him has happened unexpectedly: he’s found himself a few friends, and they have a standing Friday night meet up down at the bar across from the bike garage. none of them are much for talking, which suits Touya just fine. he strides up to the bar and takes his regular stool, nodding the familiar faces to the left of him and ordering his usual dark beer. it’s something he looks forward to now—the quiet comradery, the absence of the need to look over his shoulder. 

and right now, he is pointedly not doing that, because he thinks that if he just ignores the tap on his shoulder, it might just stop. 

it doesn’t.

“look, you little fuckin’ runt—” he snarls, turning to the source of the irritation—

“will you hold my drink?”

the interruption stops him dead in his tracks, long enough to blink back the shock at having been truly and willfully ignored to get a good look at you. 

at least 10 years his junior, clad in a pair of high-waisted jeans and a black tank top that leave just enough to the imagination to peak his interest. he realizes he’s staring, and his eyes snap to yours to find a knowing little smirk on your face.

“and why the fuck would i do that?”

“only for a minute,” you roll your eyes, like you’re the one that’s inconvenienced by this, “i just have to go to the bathroom.”  

he sighs, clipped and full of irritation, but holds a hand out to you regardless. you give him a smile that he immediately has to turn away from, huffing out a little “hurry up” as you turn toward the bathrooms. there’s no one around but him and his friends, but he finds himself curling your drink into his chest anyway, hunching over it like something nefarious might drop into it from above. 

it’s only a moment before you return, and much to his chagrin, you hop up onto the stool next to him and do well to make yourself at home, turning to hit him with another lopsided grin. he shoves your drink back in your hand a little too roughly—you pay it no mind, thanking him for watching it. 

“you just give your drink to any old stranger you find?”

you laugh a little, tipping your drink back to take a sip. he watches the tip of your tongue swipe a stray drop from your lip and he knows he should look away. 

he doesn’t.

“not usually.”

“that’s quite the fuckin’ gamble,” he gruffs, taking a sip of his own. 

“maybe,” you say, like you know something he doesn’t. he doesn’t like it. 

“don’t you have friends to get back to?”

“mm, yeah—i suppose i do,” you set your drink down and reach your arms up in a stretch—he has to look away then, because your chest strains against your tank top and he’s suddenly worried for his old heart—“what’s your name?”

he studies you then—eyes you with overt suspicion and you let him, smiling sweetly at him in a way that makes him nervous. he tuts at you, looking away to hide the flush that he feels creep up the side of his neck. 

“touya,” he grits out.

you repeat it, trying it out on your tongue, and he nearly comes out of his skin. you hop down from the stool, far too close to him—he doesn’t know why he wants to lean into your proximity.

“see you next time then, touya.”

he feels you well after you’ve gone. when the air stops vibrating, he lets out a sharp exhale, dropping his forehead to his hands on the bar top in front of him. the man next to him barks out a laugh, clapping him on the shoulder in some show of knowing sympathy. 

he’s too old for this shit. 

[lestappenforever]

My ask is maybe a bit silly, and would probably go in 'sanity check' category. It is about Max, and how he is perceived. If I understand correctly, it is said he is mad max, bad guy, aggressive… and similar. Now, I know teenagers are sometimes a bit crazy, and from what I read he was actually very badly treated by freaking adults, fellow drivers, when he first joined F1, so maybe then he was a bit aggressive, and it would be even understandable… but still it is difficult to even imagine that. Because Max I see (I am only following racing since last year) is nice, soft, funny, polite guy, still more looking like an innocent kid than an adult, even appearing naïve (unlike the sweet, adorable devil that is Charles!), and obviously so nice towards rookies (Oliver and Liam-who himself said it). So am I delusional and see what is not there or for some reason he is so vilified (I guess most coming probably from jealousy and Netflix crap…). Oh and one additional observation, he always looks so much softer and somehow cuddlier and cuter on photos from his streaming at home… What do you think? One final observation, then I will shut up  Sometimes it seems to me that all the Lestappen moments and specila connection maybe come from the fact that when Charles came to F1 Max finally had kinda his person there. Because he went form father abuse to fellow drivers abuse, but when Charles came to F1, he had someone he could have a real relationship with, even if they fought and were a bit sulky almost teenagers still in the beginning, they got over it as they grow up. But Charles is his genuinely healthy, good, fun, friendly relationship. Having spent time as kids growing up of course also deepens the bond and friendship, but also mutual respect and understanding each other’s qualities. I don’t know if explained it well enough… P.S. I LOVE your fics!!!!

Hi anon, and thank you so much for this ask! I don't think it's a silly ask at all.

All these "Mad Max", being too aggressive, being mean claims etc. stem from two things:

1. When Max made it into F1 almost 10(!) years ago, he was 17(!!) years old. He was a kid — a literal child. And he was a cocky, arrogant little shit at that, as any kid would be making their debut in such a prestigious sport at such a young age.

2. Max haters who will hate him forever, no matter what, no matter why. They don't even need a reason; they're just determined to hate him and will do so forever.

But the thing is, and his haters especially seem to love to ignore this fact, Max was seventeen years old when he made his F1 debut. He was, for all intents and purposes, a child. I watched Max make his F1 debut, and I watched and read the way he was viewed and the reception he received from his fellow drivers, the media, and fans alike. And I watched these grown-ass men already on the grid when Max joined welcome him by treating him like shit. These adults were so threatened by this kid who came into the sport without having to go through the same ranks almost every other F1 driver has to go through to get there, such as several years in F3 and F2 (Max only spent a year in F3 and skipped F2 altogether), that they did virtually nothing to make him feel welcome. Quite the opposite, in fact. It was so fucking sad and infuriating, and I lost a lot of respect for many drivers because of it. And if I'm being honest, anon, that's what made me decide Max would be my favorite driver. I can be incredibly spiteful when I want to be, and watching Max get slammed and slandered from so many directions from the very beginning made me want to be very spiteful. That's what made me decide that I was going to support that kid like hell. And I haven’t looked back or regretted it since.

I cannot stress this enough, and I know I've said it so many times before already, but: Max Verstappen was a child when he made it into the world of F1. But he's not a child anymore, which a concerning amount of people seem to be blissfully and willfully ignorant to. Max has grown and matured so much in the years he's been in F1. And, like most other people, Max Verstappen the adult is not the same person as Max Verstappen the teenager, or Max Verstappen the child. And he hasn’t been anything like his 17-year old self in a long, long time. But this, of course, is something his haters will never accept or acknowledge.

I truly believe, from the very bottom of my heart, that Max is always so nice and welcoming towards rookies, always willing to lend a hand or giving them advice, always going out of his way to praise and support them, because practically no one ever did that for him when he was a rookie. And that speaks volumes about his character and the kind of man he has grown into since making his debut.

You're not delusional at all, anon, and having only followed F1 since last year means it's not surprising that you don't see the very outdated and frankly incredibly incorrect persona the people who dislike Max will always keep trying to convince themselves and others is still him. Because it isn’t — not even close. Practically every single person who has worked with or been around Max in the past few years all say the same thing: that he's funny, easy-going, and one of the genuinely kindest people on the grid. And that means a hell of a lot more than the opinions of people who have never and will never know him, and have made it their personal, sad mission to hate him. So you keep holding on to the impression you have of him, anon, because that is a far more accurate representation than the image some people are so hellbent of painting of him. (He’s definitely not naïve, though, not even close.)

And I absolutely agree: he looks even softer and cuddlier when he's streaming at home! I love streamer!Max so much.

"When Charles came to F1 Max finally had kinda his person there". <- You are spot on with this, anon! I've talked about the special bond I think these two share in the past, like in this post, and so have many others. (@tsarinablogs @valyrfia @thearchercore to name a few - highly recommend checking out their blogs if you haven’t already!) It truly seems like they have never, and will never, see any other driver as a big a rival as the other, and the numerous accounts of their karting days from people who got to watch them battle first-hand from such a young age definitely backs up that claim. And I think that's so beautiful, and it's one of the many, many reasons why these two are so dear to me, and why other F1 ships will never be able to come close.

P.S. That makes me so happy to hear, anon, thank you so, so much. 🥹❤️

[whumblr]

hii, can you please write about a whumpee that can’t sleep alone without caretaker, but the caretaker has an urgent business trip thus leaving whumpee alone at night?

Whumpee turned over again, eyes blank, staring at Caretaker's empty side of the bed. A soft sigh, almost a huff, brushed past their lips.

They'd meant it, when they'd said they'd be fine.

Or at least, they thought it would be fine. Just two days. They could certainly manage that, they had assured Caretaker. And they did. Everything went absolutely fine - not great, just fine like they'd said. Until night fell.

They never fully realised it, but just having Caretaker next to them made them feel safe. Even when he was completely conked out, snoring, far from this world. Just watching him, breathing softly, it was comforting. Knowing they weren't alone, knowing they weren't waking up in that cell--

They let their arm fall down, stretched out over the flat duvet.

Yesterday they didn't sleep at all. Just tossed and turned, hoping sleep would finally come. You can't sleep with enemies nearby. There weren't any nearby. Or so Whumpee hoped. But unfortunately, they carried their enemy with them. All the time.

The mocking voice in their head wasn't the only thing keeping them awake, but it certainly made things most difficult.

"I bet Caretaker is having a blast, finally having a day to himself."

Whumpee punched their pillow in frustration and almost threw themself on it, pulling up the blankets. Caretaker wasn't like that.

"I don't know. Maybe he grew tired of you. Scared little mouse to comfort at every little bit."

Deep breaths. Don't think. Don't engage those thoughts-- Okay, yeah, they were a scared little mouse. Even now, willfully ignoring every little sound in the house that made them want to snap up and scour every room every time something creaked. But they didn't. They had to prove that they could do this. That they didn't need Caretaker for everything.

Maybe that's why they had been so adamant in getting Caretaker to accept this business trip. Maybe they just wanted to show him - and themself - that they could do this. Could perfectly stay alone for a weekend and be absolutely fine.

"Are you sure it's a business trip?" the voice crooned and Whumpee's eyes snapped open. "Would make total sense if he just desperately needed a break from you."

No, that--. No, they'd seen the pictures he sent yesterday evening. Large podium. Nice snacks. Meeting room with some Zzz emoji's from Caretaker. It was a business trip. It definitely was!

"He probably volunteered, then. Needing some time away. Awful, really. He knows you can't be alone yet he still went."

"That's not true," Whumpee said out loud. Great, now they actually were arguing with just the darkness in their room. They knew that wasn't true. And they knew that horrible voice only echoed their own horrible thoughts pushed back to the back of their mind. The only one awful here was themself.

"It's okay, darling. You're just uncomfortable. You know why? Because you're doing something that would get you punished. That's why you're all jitters..."

"I'm not--"

"Your shirt. You know I don't like it when you cover your scars."

A chill went through them. The cotton of their oversized shirt snagged around them from all the twisting and turning, uncomfortably pulling at them. That's not it. That's not the reason why they couldn't sleep. No one could punish them anym--

"Take it off."

This is ridiculous, they huffed to themself. They flipped to their side, forced their eyes shut. But the brewing anxiety in their stomach only turned more heavy. And the shirt tangled around them started to feel constricting.

With a snap they sat up. Ripped their shirt over their head. And threw it across the room.

-

General whump tag list: @firewheeesky @myfriendcallsmeasickwoman19 @whumpawink @painsandconfusion @auroragehenna @chaotic-orphan

[fullofbees]

Let All That You Do Be Done In Love (Simeon x F!Reader x Solomon)

You find out that the rules regarding angels' activities are a lot more lax than you initially thought.

Read on AO3

CW: Smut, Oral Sex (M receiving; M and F receiving), Masturbation, Vaginal Sex, Creampie eating, clothed sex

Word Count: 4,725

It was no use. There is no way you’re going to be able to remember which ingredients go into which potions by exam time. You’re going to make a fool of yourself in front of the class when your potion blows up in your face. 

Papers, books, pencil shavings, and various note-taking apparatuses are strewn about the round mahogany table before you. Despite the two hours you’ve been studying, you were no better off than when you began. Dramatically sighing, you fall back against Solomon’s plush red couch, hoping the cushions swallow you whole. 

Simeon chuckles from where he is seated to your right, “Penny for your thoughts, Little Lamb?”

Pouting, you dejectedly cross your arms over your chest, “I just don’t understand! How are you guys able to memorize this stuff?”

Solomon is perched in a matching red loveseat further to the right of you and Simeon. He shuts his own textbook, shaking his head with a small smile, “It gets easier the more you practice.”

“Easy for the who-knows-how-old sorcerer to say. I wouldn’t even know where to begin to practice. I don’t even have any magical abilities…” You lament.

Simeon is next to shut his textbook, “Why don’t we take a break? Returning with fresh eyes might help.”

You nod, bringing your legs up so that you can sit crisscross. Curse Levi for luring you into a gaming marathon. Lucifer is going to kill you if you fail this test. 

Never one to care about awkward silence, Solomon says, “It’s nice to have you visit us here in Purgatory Hall. We hardly get to see you outside of classes,”

“I’m sorry. Ever since Lilith was revealed to be my ancestor, it’s like the brothers are around every corner. I think the only time I’ve been alone is when I’m in the bathroom.” You joke, though the humor doesn’t reach your eyes. 

Simeon’s soft gloved hand squeezes your shoulder, “It’s okay to want privacy. We all need to be alone from time to time.”

“I never expected I would become so involved in demon life, you know? I’ve yet to learn anything about you and Luke or the Celestial Realm.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to know about me?” Solomon asks with mock hurt in his voice, hand splayed against his chest as if wounded.

You giggle, “Oh, finally gonna tell me your secrets, huh?”

Solomon chuckles before throwing a wink your way, “Nice try.”

“If you want to know about the Celestial Realm,” Simeon says, turning to face you completely, “Go ahead and ask. You have my full attention.”

“Oh, uh…” You tap your chin in thought, “I guess, what rules exist for angels? Do angels make pacts; can they be summoned?”

“Angels are forbidden from interfering in the lives of humans unless our Father explicitly tells us to. He did give humans free will after all, and if our presence is known, it disrupts the choice you are given. He wants you to willfully follow him,” Simeon explains, “So no, we do not make pacts, although we can be summoned, but it takes powerful magic to do so.”

You nod along, “So someone like Solomon?”

The sorcerer interjects, “Believe me, I’ve tried, but Michael refuses to answer my calls.”

“To be fair, last time he let you visit, half of his army fell sick from your cooking,” Simeon counters.

Solomon shrugs, “It tasted fine to me.”

Ignoring the queasiness in your stomach at the thought of Solomon’s cooking, you return your attention to Simeon. “Is there a hierarchy to angels? I know Lucifer was pretty important.”

“There is but not in the way most humans think of hierarchies. Angels are sorted based on how closely they work with Father. The “higher” angels, like Mammon was as a Throne, work closely with Father while “lower” angels like myself and Luke work closer to Earth and Humanity. However, we are all of equal status, though some angels are granted more power to help keep order.”

“Really?? Mammon in charge?! I love the guy but he’s not the most responsible person.” Your mind pictures the demon decked in white, a stern pout on his face as he tries to boss the other angels around. It makes you laugh.

Joining your laughter, Solomon remarks, “Knowing how air-headed he can be, it was probably for the better that he was kept away from humans. Who knows what trouble he would have caused.”

Sliding off your left shoe, you then playfully chuck it at the sorcerer, “Hey! Only I can make fun of him!”

Solomon merely catches your shoe and sticks his tongue out at you. You do the same.

“Children, please,” Simeone sighs, though you can see the twinkle of amusement in his eyes. 

Ever since coming to RAD, Simeon has been uprooted from the destiny he was created for. He has told you a few stories about his work; going incognito in the Human world to train Luke in the ways of salvation, guiding “lost lambs” back to their paths, and creating a ripple effect of harmony.  

Now he attends class in a world not meant for celestial beings, studying alongside his former brothers. You asked him if the Devildom changed them. Yes, he said, but their foundations had remained the same. 

Here at RAD, there are only two humans here for him to guide. Solomon needs relatively little guidance, though with the strange aura emanating from the man, Simeon does not mind keeping his distance. Then there’s you, sweet and naive, only knowing of angels and demons once you were thrust into their world. 

You wonder if that’s why he always jumps at the chance to help you when you seem stressed. Humans in need is his domain. Does it feel natural, comfortable even, to help you?

Shaking your head from your thoughts, you press on with your questions. 

“All of you refer to the same ‘Father’. I know the brothers aren’t blood-related, but instead created at the same time. Does that make them your brothers too? Actually, would all angels be considered siblings?”

Simeon’s face lights up with a delighted smile, “That’s a great way of thinking about it! The specifics are a bit more complicated. I’m not saying you aren’t smart, but since the Celestial Realm exists outside of the same reality as your world, it might be difficult to explain concepts that don’t exist in your reality.”

“If you’re all related then I guess you couldn’t date each other.”

Solomon snorts into his hand as Simeon flusters out, “Pardon??”

“I mean, what do you do for relationships, or are those forbidden for angels?” You ask, side-eyeing Solomon from your seat. 

“W-Well, uhm,” Simeon scratches nervously at the back of his neck, “Some of my fellow angels have mentioned having relations with humans when they visit their world?”

Tilting your head in confusion, you ask, “Isn’t that what got Lilith in trouble though? Falling in love with a human?”

Simeon squirms in his seat, face heating up, wondering how– if– he should explain further. 

With an exuberant chuckle, Solomon beats him to it. “He means the angels fuck.”

Your eyes go wide as you wildly scramble toward Simeon. “WAIT! YOU GUYS ARE ALLOWED TO FU-”

One hand holds the back of your head while the other covers your mouth. “It’s not that simple, and please don’t yell,” Simeon grumbles, flashing Solomon a murderous look.

You pry the hand from your mouth. “What’s not simple about fucking?” You ask with a teasing lilt.

Simeon wants to run, to retreat into his bedroom before this goes further. He can’t entertain this line of questioning. Not when you’re leaning towards him in a uniform skirt that’s riding up your thighs. Not when he can feel the warmth of your breath. Not with Solomon here. Instead, Simeon falls silent.

The poor angel, however, is not subtle. 

You had noticed all session how his eyes would drift over your form, quickly glancing away when his gaze would land on your thighs. Once, his eyes flitted from your thighs back up to your face, only to see you looking back. His face flushed as he quickly forced himself back into his work, admonishing himself for getting caught.

Simeon looks identical to then, blush spreading across his nose and cheeks. His eyes are glued to the floor, hands pressed into fists in his lap. He doesn’t see the look you and Solomon share, a silent agreement, and a plan being instantly formed. 

Solomon stands from his seat, moving to sit next to the angel, which forces you both to scoot to accommodate him. He stretches his arm over the back of the couch, partially leaning in over Simeon’s lap as if he needs to share an urgent secret with you. Mirroring him, you lean in to meet him halfway, noses almost bumping. Simeon is trapped underneath you two, pressed into the couch’s cushioned back. 

“Do you know the dos and don'ts of divinity?” The sorcerer whispers, eyes flitting down to where your shirt is unbuttoned. 

“No,” you whisper back, “I’m only human, after all.”

The comment elicits a soft chuckle from Solomon. “An angel's divine purpose is to love and guide humanity, right?”

You nod, though you can’t follow his line of thinking, unsure of how it will lead you to what you both want.

“Let’s simplify it, then. An angel’s divine purpose is to love. As long as their actions are guided by love, then it isn’t sinful.”

Simeon squirms underneath you before sitting up abruptly, requiring you and Solomon to part. He clears his throat. “Yes, well, there you have your answer. Angels can have sex with humans as long as they love them, and as long as they control themselves by never interfering with that human’s defined path.”

“Have you ever had a human you loved like that, Simeon?” You ask, placing your hand on his upper thigh. 

“Yes…” He shivers under your touch, “I mean, no. Well, yes. Yes and no.” 

With his arm still slung on the couch, you watch out of the corner of your eyes as Solomon nestles into the angel’s side. When Simeon reacts and tries to lean away, he ends up pressing his body even closer to yours. Your fingers now dance along his thigh, slipping higher along the inside seam of his pants. 

He is no stranger to the advances of humans. Many have tried to seduce them to their beds and he would decline without a second thought. 

But he couldn’t help it here; he found you and Solomon to be a particularly endearing set of human beings. Thousands of years old with magical skill that was trained and fortified over those centuries; Solomon represented the physical and mental prowess of humanity. On the opposite end of the spectrum, there was you. No magic, yet with an abundance of love and dedication that enchanted the strongest of demons; you represented the spiritual and emotional depths of human beings. Though never having met before RAD, you both easily contrasted and complemented the other, creating the most complete picture of humanity Simeon had ever seen.

How was he not supposed to love you?

He feels like a thousand suns burning all at once. Is this what love is supposed to feel like? An all-consuming inferno that scorches his thoughts to ash, all while the heat warms his bones and alights his soul? He loves humanity, but the feeling flowing into him from both of you is infinitely more sacred. 

Your hand slides to his crotch, and Simeon spreads his legs wider without a second thought, releasing eons of pent-up energy into a single groan. Solomon begins to pepper feather-light kisses to the angel’s neck as you palm his hardening cock through the fabric. 

Simeon’s head lolls back against the couch, giving Solomon ample room to bite and lick at his adam’s apple. He feels you nudging his cheek with your nose, and when he adjusts to look at you, you swiftly capture his lips. Soft moans escape you both, only parting for quick draws of air before hungrily meeting again. 

He gasps when you slip your hand under the waistband of his pants, warm skin encircling his engorged cock. You pull away from his lips with a giggle.

“Do you always go commando?”

Parting his lips to speak, Simeon’s words die in his throat, replaced by a guttural cry. Solomon looks up at you with his own mischievous grin, his fingers pinching one of the angel’s nipples.

“Sorry, I always see them straining against his shirt, I couldn’t help myself,” Solomon says. 

You laugh. “I don’t blame you! You should feel his cock next; he’s so fucking hard,” you say, squeezing his shaft for emphasis.

Sparks fly up Simeon’s spine, hips rising slightly off the couch to chase your touch. 

“Please…” He whimpers.

Solomon’s and your attention snap to the angel, worried that you’ve gone too far.

Simeon huffs, “Please don’t tease, I’m not–  I’m not used to–”

You gently shush him before pressing a kiss to his cheekbone, “We’re going to make you feel so good, okay? Can we do that for you?”

Sliding off the couch, Solomon kneels on the ground between Simeon’s parted legs. Your hand retreats from the angel’s cock, now pulling his shirt halfway up his chest to expose his abdomen. Solomon makes quick work of undoing the clasps of Simeon’s pants but waits for his confirmation before attempting to remove them. 

“Yes,” He licks his lips, “I want it so bad.”

Grabbing the waistband, Solomon pulls Simeon’s pants down just far enough that his cock springs free. The sorcerer begins to stroke the angel’s shaft languidly, watching with delight as droplets of precum begin leaking out the tip. 

Simeon groans into his shoulder, biting his lip with hopes that the pain will keep his remaining restraint under his control. But your hand is trailing up his abdomen and to his chest, delivering a teasing flick to his nipple, before reaching his neck. Gently grasping the angel’s jaw, you force him to look down at Solomon.

“Keep your eyes on him for me, okay? Let Solomon see what he does to you,” you whisper.

The hot timbre of your voice pressed to his ear sends shivers down Simeon’s spine. 

Solomon’s thumb sweeps over the angel’s cockhead, causing Simeon’s hips to buck into his touch. An amused smile adorns the sorcerer’s face as he watches Simeon writhe beneath him. Each glide of his fist over the angel’s silken shaft elicits a luxuriant moan, growing in volume and desperation as the climax grows nearer.

The hand once holding Simeon’s jaw now brushes Solomon’s bangs back, your fingers repeatedly combing through his hair to keep the strands off of his face. He looks incredibly attractive like this, like a windswept adventurer ready to take on his next challenger. You make a mental note to tell him later on. 

“I’m guessing you have a suggestion?” He teases.

“Something like that…” you say. 

Tracing your fingers along the planes of Solomon’s face, you admire the simple beauty of the sorcerer. Pristine skin like virginal porcelain that, despite his true age, still gives way under your touch as your fingers skim across his left cheek. They trail down his nose, noting how its slenderness adds to his deceivingly dainty appearance. Finally, they fall to his svelte lips, always upturned with a knowing smile, but now parted as he waits for an answer with bated breath. 

Still, you end up glancing back at his half-lidded eyes. For it has always been his eyes that intrigued you; a premonitory slate blue reminiscent of gray clouds melting into the seawater below as a storm brews beyond the shore. They beckon you like siren to sailor. Will you willingly sink into his depths?

Your thumb brushes along his lower lip as you finally grant him an answer to his question, “I want to see Simeon fuck your pretty little mouth.”  

Solomon’s mouth falls agape with a silent gasp, and you resist the urge to slide your thumb along his tongue. After all, he will be much more of a tantalizing vision when he’s gagging on Simeon’s cock. 

Solomon shakes his head with a smile before looking up at you through his lashes. “You can be quite the minx when it suits you.” 

A weak and breathy laugh escapes Simeon, “You’re just now noticing?”

You scoff playfully, your fist coming to rest on your hip, “I don’t know what either of you are talking about.”  

The two men snicker briefly, laughter dying down as they reorient themselves in the moment. 

Taking hold of Simeon’s hand, you guide it to thread into Solomon’s hair, securing his grasp. The angel surprises you when he begins to caress Solomon fondly, fingers combing his hair back and gently scratching his scalp. The scene makes your heart flutter, beyond elated that you get to share this experience with them.

Solomon begins with a teasing kiss to the tip of Simeon’s cock, tongue teasingly swiping over the searing flesh for a first taste. Simeon’s hand reflexively grips tighter on Solomon’s hair, a muffled whine resonating in the space. 

The ember of your arousal begins to light as you watch Solomon slowly drag his tongue from base to tip. The sorcerer never breaks eye contact with you as he generously allows Simeon’s heavy cock to rest against his cheek, smearing the combined fluid of his saliva and the angel’s arousal on his skin. Simeon’s whines elevate to groans as the sorcerer takes the whole of his tip into his mouth, obscenely sucking on it before releasing it with a wet pop. 

Your hand slowly glides up the exposed skin of your thigh, piling the fabric of your skirt up until your panties are exposed to the warm air. You tease yourself, fingers dipping between your legs with the faintest of touches before disappearing, only to repeat the process. With each new dive, you increase the pressure behind your hand, dragging the soft material of your panties along your clit.

Solomon brings Simeon’s tip into his mouth again, though he now allows his jaw to go slack, sliding further down the angel’s shaft. His hand continues to work what is not in his mouth, and you can feel yourself getting lost as you watch the rhythmic slide of Simeon’s skin between Solomon’s pale fingers.

The pleasure overwhelms Simeon, hips jutting upward at the same time his pressure on the sorcerer’s head increases. Solomon gags, and you fully expect him to pull back, but the sorcerer remains composed, inhaling through his nose.

“F-Fuck, ‘m sorry…” Simeon pants.

When it looks as if Solomon may retreat to reassure the angel, you lean forward and place your hand atop of Simeon’s, forcing the sorcerer to continue his descent. Solomon moans under you, the vibrations sending another shockwave up Simeon’s spine.

You look back at Simeon, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep him in line, you just enjoy yourself.”

Simeon quietly nods. You don’t really care for quiet.

“Doesn’t he look beautiful like this? Worshipping you?” You taunt. 

Something beyond physical pleasure sparks in Simeon’s body. He’s spent his entire life in reverence to others; to Father, to Michael, to humanity. It never occurred to him that someone might want to gratify him to the same extent. The idea felt salacious, teetering on the edge of blasphemy, but the river of piousness below tempts him. He has only lived to serve, so why must adulation feel so good?

“Y-Yes– gAH–” Simeon whimpers as Solomon bottoms out around his cock. 

Returning to your spot cozied up against Simeon’s side, you hand withdraws from Solomon’s scalp. You finally grant yourself some relief, fingers pushing past the hem of your underwear to greet your soaked lips. Gathering slick on your fingertips, you circle your swelling clit, releasing a pleased sigh. 

Solomon begins to bob his head along Simeon’s shaft, a melody of moans and lasciviously wet slurps rumbling from his throat. No matter the tears gathering in the corner of his eyes, the spit drooling down his chin, nor the soreness in his jaw makes him falter. Simeon’s cock pulses deliciously on his tongue and he will not stop until he can kiss the angel’s seed into your hot mouth. 

Simeon’s whimpers grow restless, tired from keeping his tensing thighs and stuttering hips under control. His euphoria is reaching its peak, the pleasure overwhelming as Solomon fondles his balls until their tightening in his grip. The sorcerer hollows his cheeks around the angel's throbbing cock, causing Simeon’s spine to arch as his head falls back against the couch.

“Please, I’m going to– going to– mmmph!” Simeon’s warning is cut short as you shove your drenched fingers into his mouth. His tongue eagerly lathes against your skin, the taste of you finally pushing him over the edge.

Having sensed how close Simeon was, Solomon had pulled off of his cock. Lowering himself closer to the ground, Solomon hurriedly strokes Simeon through his orgasm, the angel’s cum dripping and pooling onto the sorcerer’s waiting tongue. 

Simeon’s body collapses bonelessly against the couch, chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. You remove your fingers from his mouth before kissing his sweaty temple.

While lovingly gazing at the angel’s blissed-out expression, Solomon’s hand roughly grabs your face and turns your attention to him. Before you can react, the sorcerer has lips on yours, forcing his tongue into your mouth. You groan as you taste the tangy flavor of Simeon’s seed being shared with you. 

Solomon is jittery with pent-up lust as you return his kisses. His hands begin to fumble with his belt, ripping the leather from the loops harsh enough to tear one of them clean off. He reluctantly parts from you, sliding his pants down until his own aching cock springs free. Papers fall off and crumple on the coffee table as he sits on it.

You don’t waste time, removing your panties and tossing them off to the side. Solomon grabs your wrist, tugging you towards him as his other hand fists his cock. Happily you nestle onto his lap, back against his chest as he guides his tip into you. You’re so worked up that he sheathes inside you without resistance, each inch lighting your nerves on fire as he fills you.

Solomon releases a shuddering sigh, trying to stifle the twitch of his hips. His hands move to cup your breasts as he buries his nose into the crux of your shoulder and neck. He doesn’t want to move immediately, instead savoring the way your warmth engulfs him so completely. You reach behind you to thread your fingers in his hair, a subtle inquiry.

“I’m okay,” he whispers against your skin, “It’s just been a while since I’ve held another like this.”

You smile though he can’t see it, understanding the disorienting loneliness that comes with being surrounded by supernatural beings. Though Solomon carries his own immense power, it was something he fought to have; a struggle that those born magic could never fully empathize with. 

Lying your head back against his shoulder, you softly reassure him, “You can hold me anytime you need.”

He turns his head to kiss your cheek, “Can I fuck you anytime as well?”

Solomon always had an uncanny way of bouncing back after a moment of vulnerability, one that normally concerns you, but you elect to ignore it for the time being. You’ll talk to him about his feelings during a time his cock isn’t splitting you in half.

“Ooh! You should sneak into the House of Lamentation! Won’t the thrill of being caught be exciting?”

The sorcerer laughs before gently spanking the outside of your thigh, “Minx.”

“Making plans without me?” Simeon asks, steadying himself as he scoots to the edge of the couch cushion. Having tucked his cock back into his pants, the angel removes his gloves, setting them off to the side. 

“We’d be caught in an instant Simeon, you’re very vocal,” you tease.

The angel stutters, the heat crawling its way back onto his skin. 

You giggle, nudging his leg with your foot, “Never said I didn’t like it.”

Simeon clears his throat, hands taking hold of your knees and spreading your legs wider. “Let’s see how well you do then, hmm?”

You go to answer but a quick thrust of Solomon’s hips turns your words into a whine, which both men chuckle at. 

Solomon sets a steady, yet unhurried, pace, his hips leisurely rolling into you as Simeon refuses to let your thighs clench together. The angel’s eyes are focused on where Solomon’s cock slides in and out of your sopping core. Your breathless whimpers, Solomon’s raspy groans, and the wet slap of his cock sinking into you create a symphony in the room. 

One of Simeon’s hands slides up your thigh and to your core. Hesitantly, the angel presses his thumb against your clit, experimentally circling the bundle of nerves.

“Fuck, yes– right there!” You gasp, thighs tensing as you clench around Solomon. The sorcerer mutters his own string of curses in a language you can’t identify, hips faltering at the feeling of your walls milking his cock.

Simeon watches as slick weeps from your sex, throat becoming parched as he remembers the taste of you on your fingers. The angel slips down to his knees despite the tight space between the couch and the coffee table. He centers himself between your spread legs, the other hand remaining on your knee now gripping your hip. 

Lips replace thumb as Simeon greedily sucks on your clit, moaning at the taste on his tongue once again. You keen at the sensations of his warm mouth venerating your body, free hand falling to grasp at his hair and keep him close to you. His tongue descends through your folds, teasing the underside of Solomon’s shaft in the process. 

It becomes too much for the sorcerer. He angles your bodies slightly forward as the feeling of his climax overwhelms him, hands still desperately holding you to him. Heated ropes of his seed fill your cunt, Solomon choking out a sob as he gives you everything he has. 

Cum starts to spill past where you two remain joined, dribbling down Solomon’s balls. Simeon dutifully begins to clean up the spend with kitten licks to the sorcerer’s sensitive flesh, causing Solomon to hiss in pleasure.

Simeon then carefully removes Solomon’s softening cock from you. His mouth returns to your cunt, tongue sinking into your entrance to lap at the sorcerer’s seed.

Another overwhelming shudder racks through your body, “S-Simeon! Do– N’T stooop!”

Though exhausted and fucked out, one of Solomon’s hands drops from your breast to tiredly play with your clit. 

Unintelligible cries pour from your lips as the pressure builds inside you. Simeon mercilessly fucks your cunt with his tongue, staring up at you with awe as you shake above him. You desperately chase your peak, grinding your hips against the angel’s lips.

Your peripheral vision fades into stars as your orgasm finally rips through you, heart pounding in your ears. Simeon eagerly downs the combined essence that flows from you, noisily slurping at your cunt.

After a few moments, you have to push the angel’s mouth away from you when you feel the coil begin to tighten again. You don’t think your poor pussy could handle another round. 

You crumple against Solomon, quietly panting while your consciousness slowly returns to you. All of three of you take the time to simply bask in the moment, comfortable in the afterglow of your affection. 

The moment doesn’t last as Asmodeus bursts through the door to Solomon’s room, “Hey, hon! You weren’t answering your texts, so Lucifer sent me to–”

Asmo’s eyes scan over the scene. Even though you’re all mostly clothed and facing away from him, you know there is no way the Avatar of Lust wouldn’t be able to tell what just occurred. The room smells of sex, your discarded panties are in plain view, and Simeon has yet to wipe the wetness from his chin.

The demon scoffs loudly, folding his arms over his chest as he stomps his foot to the ground.

“No fair!! How could you not invite me!?”

[frontierpodiatrist]

My ScarVio Jacq Crack Theory

i have to get this out because i feel insane that no one else seems to be headcanoning/thinking about this except two people, but i feel like jacq is definitely either up to something nefarious or has some sort of relevancy to the upcoming DLC and/or the hexagon pokémon from the scarlet/violet book

- he was marketed as almost a main character, one of the first few characters whose design was revealed and almost implied to be like a relevant character but in-game he is none pizza. nothing burger. go girl, give us nothing! he barely has any lines outside of his classes

- in relevance to that, he’s the only teacher that you can’t bond with. you can even bond with miriam and she doesn’t even teach a class. what’s up with THAT jacq

- his face during battle when he plays up the whole clumsy, sort of inept teacher vibe....excuse me? were you faking being a klutz for clout? (also his ace is farigiraf, the evolution of a two-faced pokémon...just saying)

- why does he have a beast ball he gives you for completing the dex...where did this come from? why do you have that? How'd you get that?

- the fact he doesn’t comment at all or express any sort of surprise about the paradox pokémon in your dex and is just extremely excited for research to study? aren’t you curious about what the hell those things are, when most people think the scarlet/violet book is complete bogus?

- as above, part of what i believe to be the case here, is the fact that in my opinion, jacq seems to imply that he worked with the professor and clavell in area zero. it’s stated by raifort in history class 6 that clavell and the professor are rumoured to have work together

and then jacq states in biology class 3 that he and clavell used to be fellow researchers “at the same facility” when we know that clavell and the professor were also coworkers, and it’s implied that the professor at least had a small team of people (and based on what raifort says, the identities of the people who were working together with the professor aren’t publicly known). and IF this is in fact the case, why does he have absolutely nothing to say about arven OR the professor? if he was acquainted with both clavell and the professor at this time, he’d surely know about arven, and is seemingly willfully ignoring his existence, as well as the death of a former supposed colleague

- his glasses are shaped like hexagons, something hassel goes out of his way to make note of in art class 3

which stands out to me given how prevalent the shape is, coming up over and over again. the exact shape covering the walls of time machine, and also the specific shape described of the pokémon from the book, comprised of hexagons. it is also the shape they repeatedly used in designs for the area zero expedition, present on the zero gate among other places

now listen, this is not a bad thing, in fact i would love if jacq was evil (or at least relevant) because then he wouldn’t be a complete nothing of a character who just gives you a shiny charm and then fucks off forever. and i do think raifort (even if she is my wife whomst i love so so so much) and geeta are a bit suspicious as well BUT

[jasntodds]

Petrichor [11]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 19,142

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, canon drug use, canon violence, blood, bruises, manipulation, canon manipulation, canon character death, mentions of the wolf story from the cabin (it's not detailed like in the show), mentions of PTSD (canon), mentions of abuse

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: Fun fact: Scarecrow is actually my second favorite Batman villain (second to the Riddler of course) so I had fun writing Crane a little bit lol I am so sorry this is so late. I ended up busy for once so lol but it is a long chapter to make up for it!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

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You come to half an hour later, your eyes peeking open slowly. Your head is in a haze like when a sudden nap happens and you wake up confused what day it is and how long you've been asleep. Your eyes scan around, spotting Jason sitting on the floor a few feet away from you cleaning one of his guns. He's still in the Red Hood suit with his helmet off to the side and there's a blotch of light red on his jaw, right where your fist connected with his face. And the guilt hits like a freight train. You clear your throat making Jason look up to you and you think you just saw his face relax.

“What the fuck just happened?” Your throat is raw and you can't tell if that's some weird after-effect of the drug or if it's from all the yelling.

Maybe it's both.

Jason looks up to you and his stomach starts to twist into knots. The guilt is dulled but it's that echo that's annoying, like a headache that just won't quit. He's been sitting here the entire time, looking to you to make sure you're okay and wondering what he's supposed to say when you come to. He wishes he knew but he doesn't.

He can't take back what he said and he can't back you fighting. Drug or not, it never should have happened. None of it. It never should have involved you. But, now it's messier than ever and Jason desperately wants to leave it all in the shadows and creaky floorboards of this room. He doesn't want it on his shoulders or lingering on his skin or his tongue anymore. But, maybe he doesn't want you to know that just yet.

He's high but he always cares about you. And maybe, letting himself be cold about everything will be better. Maybe you'll finally leave. It'd be better for you if you did anyway.

“Exhaustion is a side effect of the comedown. The only way around it is to sleep or take more and I wasn’t gonna give you mine.” Jason states casually, going back to cleaning.

You furrow your brows. You keep coming back to wondering how you missed him taking this. It all seems so obvious and you feel so guilty about it. Maybe you were so wrapped in the sort of fantasy of being happy, with him, that you willfully ignored every warning sign. That isn't entirely true. You knew something was going on, but maybe if you looked harder, went back to your pessimism, you wouldn't have missed it.

“So, you just…let me sleep? After that?” You scoff, trying desperately to figure out which side his logic is landing at the moment.

“Cleaned the cut on your head and made sure you were fine.” Jason shrugs, his eyes glancing to you for just a second.

As soon as Jason got Hank done and into a cab back to Wayne Manor, he cleaned the blood and cut off of you. He definitely followed it with another hit from an inhaler but he helped you anyway. At the end of the day, at the end of all of this, he just wants you to be safe. Crane might be trying to fill his head with lies and it might be working, but Jason knows in the very center of his chest, you don’t deserve anything bad to happen to you ever again. You might not be entirely on the same side, but Jason isn’t going to just throw you to the side. He won’t do it. It's why he pulled his punches and he never pulls his punches.

“What about Hank?” You ask softly, your eyes never leaving him.

You're pretty sure he's still high.

Jason pulls out his phone, checking the time. “He has a few hours.”

You roll your eyes. Now that you aren’t high on the drug, your thoughts are more logical, no longer fueled by anger. You watch Jason and you remember Hank saying he’d kill Jason if given the chance. It’s not that you agree with Jason killing him, but maybe it’s kill or be killed.

“Why Hank? Like what made you do that?” You question, earning a side eye from Jason. He doesn't want you involved in any of this which also means you don't get to know the reason. Not from his mouth. “Okay, you’re not gonna put a bomb in my chest. Gar is your friend. You don’t stand a chance against Kory or Conner. Dawn is Dawn. You like to fuck with Dick. That leaves Hank, right?”

Jason offers you a grin before he chuckles. “He’s also a fucking prick and you know it.” Jason gestures a lazy free hand at you and something about the grin and the gesture, almost seems normal.

You shake off the familiarity of it because at the end of the day, you don't think Hank deserves to die, not if he didn't come here with the intent to kill Jason. “Yeah….but what? Did you lure him here or?”

Jason can tell you're digging but he can't tell for what. His reasoning why Hank and how he got him here, isn't important. It's not even relevant to really anything. But, Jason knows you and he's starting to think maybe you're digging to see if you should be on his side. That's what you usually did for things that didn't really matter. Get his side of the story so you can side with him.

“Why do you wanna know so damn bad?”

“I wanna know how mad I need to be.” Your shoulders feel heavy with the shrug.

Jason scoffs and even if he doesn't want you involved, he wants you on his side. If you're on his side, you'll back off and let the plan fall into place. “I didn’t make him come. I asked to and he did, without backup.”

“How’d you get him to show up, Jason?” You almost groan because getting answers out of him sometimes is like pulling teeth.

“Said Dick would kill me and I just wanted to come home.” Jason can't help the chuckle that falls from his throat.

Something about it is amusing.

You nod your head and maybe you feel a little less bad. You know Jason had some sort of ploy to get him here. Hank was just dumb enough to fall for it. After everything, apparently, he didn’t learn not to go headfirst into something without backup. That was just stupid. But, that also makes you question Hank’s intentions.

You don’t believe for even one second Hank showed up alone with the intention to help Jason. He was pissed earlier and he’s an ass. If Hank told any of the Titans, they would have come with him and none of them wanted Jason dead. Maybe Jason told Hank he was watching him but you figure if anyone would know how to get around being watched in Gotham, it would have been you or Dick. Yet, Hank didn't go to either of you. On top of that, why would Jason call Hank if he wanted to come home and not you or Gar? Maybe Hank wanted to be the one to either kill Jason or bring him down himself. Maybe you feel a little less bad about it.

Kill or be killed.

“Asshole.” You huff.

You watch Jason carefully, an easy smirk dancing across his lips but it never reaches his eyes. You're sober now, remembering everything that happened and you can feel the guilt washing over your insides like charcoal. None of it is true. And you hate that any of it was even said. If you didn’t mean it, neither did Jason. It was the drug and you're positive of that. And you're thinking the drug is the entire reason Jason is trying to kill Hank.

A very large part of you is wondering if you would helped Jason had you not been so mad at him. You actually think you would have and that is something you would never do. Hank is a Titan and he didn’t do anything to warrant his death sentence. You wouldn’t normally kill him but you're almost positive you would have had you not been mad at Jason. And you think, maybe that’s the reason Crane helped Jason make the drug, to weaponize him and at this moment, you swear his days are numbered. But, before you seek your revenge, you want Jason back.

Getting him back is going to be a lot more difficult because even you're sitting here itching for another hit of an inhaler. You can’t imagine how Jason is feeling the second it starts to wear off. But you want him back and you're not going to rest until you get him back.

“He probably came to kill you.” You state.

Jason snaps his attention to you, his brows furrowing. “What?” Jason huffs.

“Yeah, Titans are pissed. Well, Hank. Everyone else is just confused how the hell you’re alive and with the shit you’re doing. But Hank said if he came to it, he’d kill you so.” You let out a breath and you swear his expression just deflated.

“And you fucking fought me over that shit?”

“I was high.” You huff. “Which you know damn well if it weren’t for that shit you’re also on, by the way, I never would have. But you get the cure to fear and you lie to me and you don’t even share.” You spit back while Jason dodges your eyes this time, going back to cleaning the gun you think has to be clean by now.

“I don’t want you involved.”

“Okay.” You let out a sigh. "Why not?" You ask, Jason glancing up to you, the white strands of hair falling onto his forehead. "Is it Crane or is it me? Is it the drug? Why don't you want me involved, Jay? Because you keep fucking saying that shit with no explanation."

Jason opens his mouth to fight back, to tell you to let it rest and he doesn't have to tell you anything. But, his eyes land on the cut on your forehead and the bruising near your cheek and he caves.

"Do you really want to work with Jonathan fucking Crane?" Jason spits, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"You never gave me the choice to." You state.

"I knew you wouldn't go for it." Jason shrugs, looking back to the gun because that seems a lot easier than looking at your face now.

"Okay." You let out a sigh of defeat.

There’s no point in talking about it. He’s clearly high. You can tell by the coldness that surrounds his voice. He’s going to believe whatever Crane has to say to him because that’s the drug, you're almost certain. And Crane gave him something to cure him. Jason's in debt to him. He sees him as a savior of sorts and you desperately wish you could get through to him. But at least you understand it now.

A part of you don’t think anything could have gotten through to you while you were high. It’s powerful and strong, all-consuming. You were only high for two hours and you hate that version of yourself but there is this twitch through your bones that almost wants to ask Jason for his. It’s like a sudden vibration starting in your bone marrow and radiating through your head and your chest. And you can even feel the lingering tinge of anger like the very end of a fire.

Whatever insane shit Crane had Jason cook up, is fucked. You hope it’s not too late to talk some sense into Jason but you have to catch him when he’s not high. You aren't now and it was only one dose anyway but you swear, you feel normal. It's just that small twitch in your bones that feels uncomfortable. But, that's it. You feel like you never took it in the first place and maybe it's not too late for him. It might be a waste of breath to try when he's high, but you have to try anyway. He would for you.

You scoot closer to Jason until you're right in front of him. Jason pauses his movements, looking over your face. He felt the guilt creeping in before he took the inhaler again. He knows he’ll never forgive himself.

You place your hands on his cheeks and Jason’s face softens and you know he’s there somewhere. But you don’t feel his hands move to you and you feel like you're losing him slowly.

Maybe that’s worse than him being ripped away.

Jason’s eyes dodge yours and he wants to peel his skin off his bones. It feels wrong for you to touch him. It feels all wrong. He can’t bring his hands to your hips or to your hands or anywhere. You don’t feel like you're his anymore and it’s all his fault. He told you you were a mistake. You always deserved better than him but not a single part of him can bring himself to push again. Because you look at him with soft eyes as if you didn’t just explode on each other and have a real fight. You look at him like he’s still the only person you could ever love wholly and solely.

“You're gonna regret it, Jay. Hank fucking sucks and I don’t fucking like him either. But you’re gonna regret it.”

“Why did you fight me over him? You said he was gonna kill me.” Jason asks, his voice is soft.

Jason knows if he weren't high, that part of everything would hurt, too. A lot more than it does right now. And he is so thankful he doesn't have to deal with that pain. He's so tired of pain.

“You wouldn’t let me kill Jerry. And I knew it’d piss you off if I stopped you.” You move your hands to his legs. "And Hank isn't Jerry." You shake your head softly. "If you kill him, that'll be it and I don't want that for you, Jay."

You watch Jason hang his head, highlights from the light in the room bouncing off the white streak of hair. You know you can’t really get through to him, not right now but you want to believe you can. It makes it easier.

Jason just finds it hard to look at you. And he wants to know how you can do that. The drug still wins and he is sturdy in the plan, unmoving and relentless. But, he listens anyway and you make his chest hurt. The guilt and shame are thundering and ramming the jail bars in the back of his head as hard as they can. He doesn’t know why you're still here. Maybe it’d be easier if he believed you were working another angle. And for a second, he starts to talk himself into it, the drug encouraging him.

Maybe you're just trying to get inside of his head so the other Titans can finish him off. Maybe you're just using him, like Crane said. Maybe you want to the drug all for yourself now. Maybe you're waiting for your own moment to finish him off, he falls into your criteria now, doesn’t he?

But his eyes back to yours and all the fight he has is shaken loose, scattering through his chest as an apology breaks through.

“Sorry for what I said and for fighting you.” Jason says quietly.

Your face softens and you think maybe it's working, just a little bit. “Yeah, me too.” You nod softly.

Jason puts the gun off to the side, making sure the barrel is facing away from both of you. He finally finds it himself to bring his hands to your waist. They’re shaking and hesitant, his grip not nearly as strong as it usually is.

“No, I mean it. I don’t mean any of that shit. I don’t want you involved.” Jason's voice becomes barely a whisper. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

“Jay, I am fucking terrified for you.” You place your hands over his. “I know you don’t see it, but this is going to get fucking bad and I am scared, I know you’re not. But I am. Deactivate that bomb and come home, Jay, please.” You clear your throat. “I’m not mad…I get it. I know you didn’t mean it. I didn't either.”

“I can’t.” Jason drops his hands, shaking his head. “This is me. Gotham needs someone who can control the crime and do the hard shit. We have a plan and it’ll work out, alright? You just have to trust me.” A piece of the real Jason finds a way to break through as his jaw clenches and his brows furrow with the sudden shake his of his head. “Please.”

“I trust you more than anyone but I don’t trust Crane. You can still do this Red Hood stuff. You don’t need Crane. You never fucking needed Bruce either. You don’t need Dick. You don’t need any of them, Jay. You can just do your own thing and protect Gotham the way you want to. All you and I’ll stand beside you if you want me to. You don’t need him.”

“Yeah, I do.” Jason keeps it short.

“Okay.” You nod your head and it actually burns as if acid is being poured down your throat.

It has to be the drug. That has to be how Crane has been able to manipulate him so well. But, it is nearly paralyzing because for some reason, Crane asking Jason to do all of this, is more important than you asking him to come home. With you. Somehow, staying loyal to Crane is more important to him right now. Jason on the anti-fear drug is not the Jason you know and love.

“Deactivate the bomb. I’m asking nicely and then just beat the shit out of Hank if that’s what you want to do. I’ll get some popcorn and watch. You can’t come back from that, okay? Like you said.”

“It’s done.”

“Alright, Jay.” You let out a sigh.

You tried your best and you want him back. You don’t want him to wake up when this is over and deal with the fact he killed Hank. It’s going to destroy him. The guilt will finish him off and you hate the very idea of that. He’s not too far gone but you're terrified he will be soon. So, you move your hands to his cheeks again and press your lips to his.

Jason freezes, bits of shock taking over his body because in no world did he expect you to kiss him. But you do and you kiss him with all of the strength you can muster as Jason squeezes your hips and kisses you back. You kiss him with everything in you as if that’s enough to suck out the drug from his bloodstream and bring him back home. You kiss him as if it’s enough to make everything better again like putting a bandaid on a bruise to trick your mind into thinking it doesn’t hurt. But you pull away and his eyes are still dilated and he lacks that cheesy but lazy grin he would normally have. And you hate this.

“I’m going back to the manor.” You pause, lingering for a few seconds as if to be hoping Jason would ask you to stay but the words never leave his lips. You don’t know it, but he almost says them. He doesn’t want you here but you still feel like home and he really misses the warmth of home. Jason doesn’t like feeling so cold all the time. “I hope you can live with this when you have a comedown. I hope you snap out of it. I don’t know what I’m gonna do if you go through with this. You’re really pushing the line, Jay.” Jason watches you carefully as you start to leave. “Be careful and just fucking think about it. Let yourself be sober for an hour, okay? Love you.” You let out a sigh before you head out of the room before Jason can even reply.

Jason keeps his stare on the doorway before he lets out a breath. He is begging you to understand and just trust him. You always said you trust him more than anyone and this is the one time he desperately needs you to trust him. It’ll get messier if you keep trying to get him to be a Titan again and in his impaired state, it pisses him off.

The Titans have always treated him as lesser and leftovers. He was the replacement for Dick. That’s all he ever was and he was expendable, Deathstroke proved that. And he’s better, how they handle Hank is going to more proof. The only people who didn’t treat Jason like that are you and Gar. That’s it. The Titans are the enemy and he just wants you to see through their bullshit the same way you're trying to get Jason to see through Crane’s bullshit. He just wants you to trust him.

You get back to the Manor, standing outside and looking at the entrance. The guilt is chewing at you, slowly eating you whole. You hate Hank, especially with the threat of killing Jason. But, you don’t think he deserves to die. Not unles he was really going to kill Jason when he went to meet him today. Then, at that point, he got what was coming. But you aren’t sure that’s really what the plan was and you feel horrible you couldn’t do anything to stop it.

You tried, you pulled your punches, but you tried and it wasn’t good enough. Hank might die today because you weren’t good enough. You hate him but you think about Dawn. Dawn doesn’t deserve to lose him. She loves him for reasons you will never understand but she doesn’t deserve to lose him. You know what it feels like. It’s not fair. And you feel guilty and it’s heavy and you hate you fought Jason, too. Every piece of today lays heavy on your chest and all you want to do is run out of Gotham. You don’t want to deal with any of it. But that’s not an option so you move forward, opening the door and entering the manor.

On top of the guilt over Jason, you also know you can't tell any of them what you found out. If you tell them, they'll know he's working with Crane. Jason didn't even want you to know and he even looked worried when you did figure it out. What if them knowing Crane is the partner puts Jason's life at risk? What if Crane has more than Jason on the outside? If you tell them, what if it gets him killed? And then it's your fault. Maybe it's wrong to keep it from the Titans, but you don't want to risk him getting killed again. Not if you don't have to and maybe, just maybe, Jason will change his mind last minute. You hope against hope, he will change his mind.

You head to the Batcave, not seeing any Titans around the manor. When you reach the cave, you see everyone around Hank looking worried. This is the moment for you where you know you’ll need to pick a side. If Jason goes through with this, you can’t sit in the middle and hope for the best. You’ll need to choose who you're working with. And at this point, you aren’t sure you want to work with any of them.

“You're okay!” Gar chimes as he spots you coming into view.

Your brows furrow. “Uh…yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” You ask, looking around the room as the Titans put their eyes on you.

“Well…I mean…Hank.” Gar gestures and moves slightly, giving you a better view of Hank lying in a bed with the bomb on full display. “You also have a cut on your head and a bruise on your cheek.” Gar gestures a finger, mirroring where the bruise sits.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” You shake it off, finishing your walk to the Titans.

The Titans turn to look at you and suddenly, you feel like a spotlight has just found you in the middle of a hidden forest after committing mass murder. Dick looks disappointed which you think might actually be worse than him just being mad. Same with Kory. Conner looks confused. But Hank and Dawn look pissed and you don’t so much blame them. If you were Dawn and Hank were Jason, you’d be pissed, too. But it does make you stop in your tracks.

“Oh, now you’re gonna show your face around here!?” Hank yells.

“Uh…I-I…live…here?” You question but the manor hasn't really felt like home since Jason died anyway.

“And I have a fucking bomb in my chest!” Hank yells. “You were there!”

“We know you and Jason are close, but you have to see this isn’t right.” Dawn crosses her arms.

You blink at them and suddenly you're back at the tower. Suddenly, you're in Jason’s shoes. You never understood where their issue was with him then and you never ever got to understand. But, you tried. You tried to rationalize why Jason. Why did they pick him to target? Rachel was the good kid and Jason was the troublemaker. Jason was an asshole. Maybe. But you're looking at the two of them with a cut on your forehead and bruised knuckles, knowing you passed out and you're being blamed for something you didn’t even do. It was never Jason. It was always just someone to blame.

“W-what?” You ask as you feel the lump grow in your throat.

“Hank said he saw you there.” Kory explains.

“Why were you there?” Dick asks, his voice sterner than Kory but he wants to believe Sam didn't have anything to do with this.

It's actually breaking a part of you with everyone looking at you like that. They're pointing the finger at you and it hurts. You're supposed to trust them but they didn't even ask. You were passed out on the fucking floor and Hank assumes you took a nap, apparently, and they all just believe that. You might side with Jason but they can't really believe you would help him put a bomb in Hank's chest or even let him do it.

“I…I…I can’t….I can’t tell you.” You sputter as you shake your head. “But I didn’t know that’s what he was doing. You-you have to believe me.” You croak out as your eyes start to turn glassy.

“Just like we should believe you didn’t know he was alive?” Hank barks.

“You need to calm down.” Dawn whispers to him.

“Fuck that shit! She’s in on this! I bet he sent her here to make sure I die!”

“You guys can’t really believe she would do that, right?” Gar finally pipes up. He remembers what happened with Jason and he knows you're always on the edge of something terrible. He doesn’t want that edge to become literal.

“Why else would she have been there?” Dawn asks.

"Does it matter?" Gar asks but he keeps his voice soft and gentle because he still hates arguing. "She's hurt and that should mean something, right? You guys didn't ask, just jumped to conclusions." Gar's voice starts to go quiet. "Like with Jason."

You snap your attention to him as Gar's stare goes to the floor. Your heart breaks for him but you owe him for trying to defend you. You know how much he hates it. And you think maybe you'll tell him because he deserves it.

"It all seems real fucking convenient doesn't it?" Hank barks back, not falling for Gar siding with you. "It was all a set-up!"

“I went to fucking confront him.” You scoff but it comes out weak. “Are we really doing this? I didn’t fucking know about the fucking bomb or that Hank was even going to be there.”

“Bullshit! I said I’d kill him. I bet you tipped him off and that’s why this happened.” Hank gestures aggressively to his chest.

You grit your teeth as you look desperately to Dick before looking back to Hank. “Fuck you.” You sniffle. “You know what, fine. You wanna know what happened? I went to confront him high as fuck and I saw you. We fucking fought because while high, I knew I couldn’t let him kill you because he wouldn’t let me kill Jerry and I knew it’d piss him off.”

“Wow.” Kory huffs softly as she looks to the ground, placing a hand on her hip. But, she looks up quickly at you. "Wait, you were high?" Kory asks with confusion.

Your eyes glance to Gar and then Dick before landing on Kory. "I'm tired of feeling like this." Desperation coats your words. The comedown sucked and being angry also sucked, but maybe Jason's right. Maybe that is better than feeling like this and scared and paranoid. Maybe he's right. “Look, we fucking fought, I passed out and I came back here when I came to. So, fuck you." You look back to Hank.”

“Right, but you’re killing—“ Dawn tries to argue.

“Critiera. I have a criteria and Hank doesn’t fucking meet it. I can’t let my personal bias come in the fucking way." You turn your attention back to Hank. "You don’t meet it. You don’t deserve to fucking die even though you’re a piece of fucking shit who doesn’t learn from his mistakes.” You bark. “You figure out the bomb yet?” You look to Dick.

“No, just that it’s counting down his heartbeats.” Dick answers plainly.

“Wayne Enterprises.” You state. “I saw the blueprints before I passed out. Bet if you look into it, you can find a way to build a deactivator or whatever.” You look back to Hank. “I hope you live so Jason doesn’t have to deal with the guilt. And I did tell him you were gonna kill him…. after he had the bomb in your chest. Let me know if dies, I guess.” You scoff as you turn around and start to head out of the Batcave.

Gar looks at all of the Titans and he doesn't like seeing his friends targeted. He knows that Hank was just targeted by his best friend but you didn't do anything. It's not your fault what Jason does. You don't control him and Gar thinks it's wrong for them to attack you for it. So, he follows you up to the main living room.

You suck in a deep breath as your hands shake at your sides. Dick, Kory, and Conner didn't accuse you of anything but they weren't really on your side either. And it feels like you're being abandoned and you're reminded why you always left first. It was so much easier than feeling like this. It doesn't hurt when you're the one that leaves. It doesn't hurt like this. So, your fists ball at your sides as your nails dig into your palms and your jaw clenches. All you want is to go back to before and pause time. Why is that so much to ask for?

"Are you okay?" Gar asks quietly from behind you.

You hang your head and at least you have Gar. He might not always get it but he at least tries to. And you really hope, after all of this, you don't lose him either. You want to tell him but then you'd put him in the middle. You're standing in the middle of it all right now and it is absolute hell. You can't put that on Gar. But, you can vent and you say a little bit of what happened so you turn around to face him with the shake of your head.

"No! I had to fucking fight Jason because of fucking Hank!" You scrunch your nose in disgust. "That's fucking stupid! And I can't even fucking say how the hell that shit happened or what happened because I am terrified if I tell anyone knew what the fuck I know it could get him killed." You pause as you watch Gar's face soften. "But, he put a bomb in Hank's chest and he's an ass but he doesn't deserve to die." You suck in a ragged breath. "So, I fought him and we were both fucking high and we said some really horrible shit to each other and I have no idea how we're supposed to come back from that or how he's ever going to forgive me."

Gar nods with understanding and he really wishes he knew what was going on. "What did you guys say to each other?"

"I asked him where Rose was and, uh, maybe that's why she left him...to protect herself because takes low blows. He said I was using him, we were a mistake, I made him worse. Just... we both said a to."

Gar shakes his head, trying to process what he's being told. That doesn't sound like either of you. "Why would you guys even say that stuff to each other? I mean...Jason could be an asshole but he didn't say that kind to stuff to you."

"Yeah," You nod. "The, uh, the drug. It's the one he made and uh...it's not a normal drug like...it, uh, it makes people do things I think that they wouldn't normally. I think that's why Hank has a bomb in his chest. It's why we fought, too." You confess, figuring maybe that's enough of an explanation to clue Gar in a little bit but not too much that he immediately goes to Dick.

But Gar is just growing more confused. The two of you have talked about addiction before. You had stories like the one time with your dad and your dad being an addict. But, you talked about other kids on the streets. Gar kind of thought maybe everything that happened to you made you never want to take anything but now you're out here not only taking a drug but making it. Just like Jason. None of it makes sense.

"Why would you take it?"

"I can't tell you." You mutter as you hang your head. "I won't again, promise. It was for science." You suck in a breath as Gar scrunches his face in more confusion. "But...I know if we can get him off of it, we'll get him back."

"So, the Jason we know is still there?" Gar asks with hope in his eyes.

"Yeah, as if you really lost faith in him anyway." You manage a weak laugh earning you a soft smile from Gar.

"I have to believe he's in there somewhere. Even if no one else but you does." Gar nods his head softly.

"Yeah," You suck in a breath. "I know it's weird to think, now, I guess but...if we get him back...how do we come back from that?" You ask as you furrow your brows. "I mean, what we said, what he thinks of me." You watch Gar's brows furrow. "I think his partner is manipulating him and using Jason's trust in me against him. Just...based on what he said." You shake your head. "It's nothing but...ya know? Fought each other."

"Well, everyone tried to kill me once and we're all okay now." Gar tries to chuckle softly. "If the drug is what you say it is, maybe that's the end of it. We all know that's not really Jason. He would never hurt you, on accident or on purpose. And you wouldn't either. Maybe you guys just talk. You always got Jason to." Gar offers a soft smile.

"Yeah," You smile weakly. "I guess that's true."

"I'm sorry you guys fought though." Gar offers a sympathetic look just as Dick comes rushing through the clock, coming to a dead stop as he sees you both.

You readjust your stance as you look to the floor.

Dick lets out a sigh and he does not have time for this but he has to ask. "Did you know?" 

You shake your head as your eyes meet his. "I fucking swear I didn't. I would have called you."

Dick nods and he believes you. He doesn't agree with your morals but killing Hank seems a little off even for you. Even when it comes to Jason. When you explained your criteria to him, it seemed to matter enough to you. You mentioned it downstairs. You're not lying.

"Okay. You guys go back to the Cave once Dawn and Kory have Hank in a room. Help Conner if you can and just stay away from Hank." Dick goes to walk away but then stops, looking back at you. "Did you find anything out?"

You nod hesitantly. "I, uh, I don't think it'd help with Hank though. If I thought so I'd tell you."

"Alright." Dick lets out a sigh before he heads off.

"Well," You clear your throat. "That fucking sucks." You state as you can hear Kory, Dawn, and Hank coming from the Batcave. "I'm gonna grab something from my room and I'll meet you downstairs." You offer a soft nod to Gar before you head down the hallway.

As the next three hours go by, Dawn takes off to steal the gold bars and give them to Jason. Dick goes after Dawn to try to stop her. Kory doesn't have any more answers about who brought Jason back from the dead which is a relief on your end. But, Connor still doesn't have the deactivor ready. It has to reach a 0% failure rate and he hasn't gotten that far yet.

You really hoped Jason would back out of it or he was just trying to get under the Titans' skin and none of it was real. But, as Hank's heartbeats dwindle down, you're starting to think he's really going to go through with this. He'll kill Hank and he can't just come back from that like he can with everything else. No one is going to care if Crane had him do it or not. It won't matter because Hank is a Titan. And you wonder what you're supposed to do.

If everything that happened today doesn't snap some sense into him, nothing you say or do will. It'll be up to Jason or the Titans to get him to stop taking the drug. Those will be the options. And you think maybe your only option will be to tell Dick everything you know. If anyone is going to know what to do, especially dealing with Jonathan Crane, it's going to be Dick. Maybe Crane will believe Dick figured it out on his own anyway. If Jason kills Hank, you don't think you can stand on his side anymore. It's the last thing you want to do but if he's willing to kill Hank, who knows what else he's willing to do and who else he's willing to kill. He will need to be stopped and you can't do it alone.

With only a few minutes left, Gar and you are seated watching Connor and the screen intently while you all have Dick on the comms. He found Dawn and she's with Jason. Jason tells Dawn all she has to do is shoot him and it'll save Hank. But, Dick is trying to convince her not to do it because Connor is almost there.

It comes down to just seconds when Connor finally gets the failure rate to 0%. He uses superspeed to rush through the manor while Gar and you get to your feet to watch on the monitor to Hank's room. But, just before Connor gets there, there's a thunder through the manor and the cameras go dead.

Gar and you keep your eyes on the screen as Kory runs up behind you both and pulls you both into a hug. Jason just killed Hank in cold blood. What are any of you even supposed to do now?

That night, no one has much to say. Dick informed everyone what actually happened. Jason set Dawn up so when she pulled the trigger, it detonated the bomb. It's uncomfortable listening to it.  You listen but the only thing you really hear is that Jason just put Dawn through when you went through when Jason died. He knew what it did to you and then Jason still went and decided Dawn should deal with that pain and the guilt of it really being her fault. You're appalled and disgusted even though you know it's not really him. You just find yourself in a state of disbelief and fury. How could he do that to someone? After everything?

You were high and while you know, maybe you would have helped, you find it hard to believe you would. The drug is powerful and all-consuming but it was Jason's choice to take it. It was Jason's choice to go to Crane for help. It was all his choice. He had a choice here. And it lead him to kill Hank and put his blood on Dawn's hands. Crane might be manipulating him but between him and the drug, Jason is turning into a shell of someone you used to know and you're thinking you don't want to know this version of him. And you think about the pit and maybe that's why it's so easy for Jason to bypass every moral he's ever had. Maybe the pit did take a part of his soul that day and that's just making it easier for Crane to turn him into this. Maybe this is who he is now.

And because of that, you know you have no other choice but to go to Dick.

You love Jason more than anything on the planet but that wasn't enough for him and maybe it's not enough for you either. You love the Titans, too and he's killing Hank and putting it on Dawn, maybe he is going to pick you all off one by one. You aren't going to sit here and watch it happen. You're not going to let him do it.

"Hey." Gar says quietly as he walks into the Batcave where you're staring, looking at the Robin suit.

"Hey, how you holding up?" You look back to him with sympathy. Gar was friends with Hank.

"Uh...ya know." Gar shrugs, standing beside you. "Sucks." Gar lets out a breath, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah." You answer shortly. "I'm sorry, Gar."

"It's not your fault." Gar lets out a sigh, looking to the ground and back to the suit. Bruce didn't get all of the blood out of it. There are still blotches of blood covering the R blade and the torso. He's tired of losing people, too. "What's wrong?" Gar asks, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. "You only look at the suits when you're thinking." Gar glances to you but you keep your eyes on the bloodstains.

You shake your head. "He killed Hank by making Dawn pull the trigger. That's kind of fucked...so," You shrug your shoulders. "Guess I'm just...I'm gonna have to come clean to Dick and throw Jason under the bus which also sucks." The words stick to your tongue like shards of glass.

Gar shakes his head quickly, knitting his brows together as he snaps his attention to you. "What do you mean? You said you'd always be on his side."

One of the things that kept Gar hopeful was that you were at least still on Jason's side. As long as you believed in him, Gar knew Jason had to still be there. But, if you're willing to throw in the towel after everything, that means that's it. It can't be it.

"He killed Hank." You look at Gar as you shrug. "He can't just kill innocent people."

"Yeah but..." Gar pauses, trying to figure out how he's going to argue with that. He agrees but if you give up, who does Jason have? Maybe he still needs someone in his corner. "You said he's still there. We just have to get through to him."

"Yeah, and then he did this. I begged him not to and that wasn't enough to get through to him." You argue. "So, I give up." 

Gar doesn't get it. You're the one person who's always on Jason's side. He knows this is fucked up. But he still believes his best friend is in there somewhere. Someone like Jason doesn't just go bad. They lived down the hall from each other and Gar knows him, too. Jason Todd is in there someone and he has to believe that. But you don't and it hurts. How can you give up?

"You love him. You can't...you can't really be giving up on him." Gar stutters as his heart breaks. "You always said you wouldn't and...I don't know. I get it but..." Gar shakes his head.

Gar's words strike a nerve. It's hard enough. It's not that you're giving up because you're not. You're going to Dick and that is to get him back. You can't do it on your own and you can't keep Jason's secrets for him anymore. It's not helping him, you, or the Titans. All it's doing is getting everyone else hurt or killed. You aren't giving up entirely but the idea that you shouldn't just because you love him pisses you off because it wasn't enough for Jason.

He gave up on you long before you ever had the chance to give up on him.

"Yeah—" You bite down, crunching your teeth together so hard you swear your teeth are going to shatter through your lips. "What if loving him isn't fucking enough, Gar!? Cause it sure as shit wasn't enough for him."

It wasn't enough to keep him here with you. It wasn't enough to keep him on solid ground. You know you will never be the same as Bruce or Dick. Their approval meant something different to him and that is fine. You accept that. But you don't know how your love for him wasn't enough to keep him at least trying to be safe. At least trying to just exist. You want to know why your love for him wasn't enough for him to consider your feelings. You want to know why love just wasn't enough. It should have been but it wasn't. It was always enough for you to not give up even when you wanted to. So, why the fuck wasn't it enough for him?

"I know you can't believe that. It's always been you and him." Gar shakes his head. "He's going through some shit. I don't think that's what it was. You said it was his partner and the drug. We just have to get him off it and away from them."

"Yeah, but..." Sam's bottom lip starts to quiver. "But why wasn't me loving him enough?" Her words break and tears leak from her eyes like a warm down faucet. Steady drops of broken. "Why wasn't my love for him enough?" You pause as you take a deep breath. "He did all of this!" You throw your hands out. "Without me. Without ever telling me shit and we were supposed to be a fucking team. Me loving him isn't fucking enough and it wasn't enough for him to fucking stay alive or say goodbye or come home when he had the chance."

Gar hangs his head and he wishes he had an answer but he doesn't. "I don't know but Jason has always been Jason." Gar's voice is quiet. "Maybe it was enough for him but he has more going on. I think you know why it wasn't enough but you don't want to admit it." Gar snips slightly. "You always knew whatever he was thinking and he did with you. That's why you know how to get him back!" Gar protests. "It's why Dick hasn't been fighting you and why Kory hasn't. We know that you can get him back and it sucks that you have to deal with it. But, it's Jason." Gart shakes his head. "We just have to get him away from his partner and the drug. We can get him back."

You look back to the suit because you know he's right. It's not fair to stand here and point a finger saying he doesn't love you enough. You know it's ridiculous but you're hurt and you want the blame off of your own shoulders. But, deep down you already think you know why it feels the way it does.

Things get good and it's a lot easier to run away from them and hurt them first before they ever have the chance to hurt you. Maybe that is what it boils down to. Jason got traumatized and doesn't know how to handle his problems. Bruce made him feel like Robin was the only thing he'd ever be good at and he was nothing without that mantle. So, it gets taken away and Jason's back to being that kid on the streets with nothing but a list of people who throw in the towel when things get a little too hard. Maybe he did it to protect you sure, but maybe it was also easier keeping you in the dark so you'd leave if you were going to anyway. He did what he always does. This time though, it's more than pushing one person away. It was desperation to be better, to heal his own mental illness by taking a shortcut and sacrificing pieces of himself. It's not about you, you were just collateral damage and you know that. And you aren't sure that makes it any better.

"I have been trying desperately to get through to him and it doesn't fucking work. He's stubborn as all fucking hell and he's really digging his feet in and I think he's doing on purpose. Jason Todd was always really good at self-destruction so maybe we fucking let him. Maybe we just let him blow himself up and see where that gets him. Maybe he needs to hit fucking rock bottom where his partner turns on him. Maybe he needs it. If me begging him and fighting him isn't enough, then he's on his own. I can't bail him out of this one."

"I don't want you to regret it though." Gar shakes his head. "And I don't want to lose him. Just yesterday you were the one that said you were scared to tell Dick in case it got him killed." Gar nearly pleads with you.

"I know but I am also worried that he's going to pick you guys off one by one. And..." You shake your head. "That's not fair to you guys. I am scared he's going to get himself killed but I can't just...watch him do this shit and not do anything. We're supposed to protect people." You urge. "We are supposed to protect people and right now, the Titans are the ones who need to be protected from him. Jason needs help, too but I don't know what else to do unless you have a better idea. You know Dick doesn't want him dead."

"It sucks, okay? All of this sucks!" Gar yells. "Losing Hank, Rachel is off trying to bring Donna back and I don't even know if she can do that, Donna is dead. Dawn is leaving forever. Jason is losing his mind and now you're giving up! This sucks! We're supposed to be a team and we're supposed to help each other. But, now Jason is killing Hank and everyone else wants to go after Jason. And now you want to help! I don't want to lose more of you guys. You guys are the only family I have." Gar's voice grows defeated and he didn't think being a Titan would look like this.

You pause for a few seconds and Gar never yells. "You know I wouldn't do anything involving Jason without thinking it through. Dick will know what to do and I'll make him promise not to kill him. We go after Jason to get to his partner. We get the partner and we get Jason. I have a plan."

"You do?" Gar asks cautiously, unsure if you're just saying it to make him feel better.

"Of course, I do." You huff. "I didn't sleep. I was thinking. Dick is not going to like my plan and neither are you. But I have a plan. You guys are my only family, plus Molly, I get it. Fuck Hank, ya know? But he was one of the Titans." You shake your head. "I give up on bailing him out of this shit but I'm not giving up on trying to help." You suck in a breath. "He wouldn't if it were me."

"Yeah, true." Gar nods softly. "So, you're just...going to tell Dick about the drug and his partner?" Gar asks.

"Yep." You nod. "That is going to be a fun conversation." You roll your eyes. "Wonder if he'll lecture me then or later about the drug." You offer a soft smile to Gar who just glares. "Yeah, yeah, yeah I know. It was dumb." You mock. 

"Yeah, seriously, please don't go do that again." Gar states softly.

"Of course, not. We see where that leads us." You widen your eyes, looking back to the suit. 

"Right." Gar nods slowly before taking in a deep breath. "I'm...I'm gonna make a pizza, do you wanna help?" Gar asks.

"Uh, I'm okay. I'm just gonna wait for Dick to get back. Rip the band-aid off type of deal."

Gar nods softly. "Let me know how it goes." Gar smiles softly before he heads out of the Batcave.

You sit on the front steps of the manor, waiting for Dick to get home from taking Dawn to the airport. You run through a whole speech to give to Dick. There is still that fear that if you tell Dick about Crane, maybe Crane will snap and think Jason turned on him and he'll have him killed. Crane is completely insane and that could happen. But, you know it's the right thing to do anyway. It might feel like a betrayal and it is. But, you have to do it. You just hope that when Jason finds out you went to Dick, one day he'll understand. Maybe when he's sober he'll understand. Jason can be really understanding and forgiving. You beg he'll understand one day.

The black car pulls right up to the manor and Dick spots you as you straighten your posture. He shuts the car off and sucks in a deep breath. You sitting on the front steps, seemingly waiting for him, seems like it's going to be bad news. Anytime you want to talk to him, it's usually something not good. Dick lets out a sigh, hanging his head for a second before pulling the keys from the ignition and exiting the vehicle. He walks up to the front steps, looking down at you as you offer him a nervous grin.

"Hey." You state cautiously.

"What's going on?" Dick asks.

You clear your throat as you get to your feet. "If I tell you who Jason is working with and what the drug does....can you promise me something?" You ask as Dick's eyes widen slightly.

Of all people, he didn't ever really expect you to come clean with anything.

"What is it?" Dick asks.

"Um...can you promise you won't kill him and that Kory and Conner won't either?" You ask as you tug your sleeves over your hands. "I know, okay? I know what he just did was fucking fucked, okay? I know. But...it's not...it's not really all him and I just...he's your brother and you took me in. And I...I don't..." You shake your head. "I can't lose him again, okay? So, you gotta promise you guys won't kill him and that we'll do everything in the world to make sure this shit doesn't get him killed again, okay? That's the only way I can tell you anything."

"I don't want to kill him." Dick's words are stern. "He just killed Hank." Dick pauses and he sees your eyes water and your weight shift between your feet. Jason was Dick's responsibility and some of this is still on Dick. "Okay." Dick nods. "I won't kill him and I'll talk to Kory."

That's all you needed to start talking. All you needed was the confirmation that they're going to make sure Jason doesn't die again. Jason still deserves a chance here. Everything is a mess and he's really messed up big time but that doesn't mean he shouldn't get a chance at something better. And at the end of it all, you still think Jason deserves his chance at being happy and safe and healthy. He just needs to get through this shit.

"Okay." You say hesitantly. "Um...so, you know Jason likes to play games." You states. "Well, the formula, the reason you didn't know what it was, it was coded. It was just a game. I think he expected you to find it." You explain. "But, then you gave it to me and I brought to a friend of mine who's a genius and he helped me crack it."

"He coded the damn formula and you figured it out?" Dick questions.

"Yes, he did and no, Tim did which by the way," You laugh softly. "Good luck with that one. He knows you're Nightwing, Robin 1.0. Jason was Robin 2.0. I'm Bluejay and Bruce is Batman. I denied it but he's got research on all of us and the Titans. He knows. So, good luck with that, dumbass."

Dick blinks at you for a second. He was so careful, how could someone figure out who he is? Bruce was even more careful than he was. No one has ever figured it out and now you suddenly know someone who knows? How did that even happen? Dick really does not have time for this.

"What? How does he know?" Dick almost demands.

"Yeah, uh, you can perform a trapeze trick that only you and your dad could perform. Nightwing also performs that same trick. Like I said, figure out you're Robin and the other pieces just come together." You shrug. "Which is how he figured the rest of us out. So, good job. I denied it of course but let me tell you, he's a genius and he definitely isn't going to let it rest. We used to guess who Robin and Batman were. He had theories and so did I. So, good luck dealing with that."

"Great." Dick scoffs. Dick can't help but think coming back to Gotham might have been a little bit of a bad idea. How he is stuck dealing with all of this at the same time? Can't he just catch a break? "Continue."

"Right, so he cracked it for me and it's fear. So, naturally, I go to his lab and make the drug and I take it."

Dick lets out a sigh as he looks to the ground. "I can't believe you went and made and then took Jason's drug. What if it were a setup?" Dick places a hand on his hip and you almost laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't do drugs and that's bad science. Lecture me later. That's not the point of this." You scrunch your nose. "Well, I didn't feel scared or paranoid or worried. I didn't feel much of anything besides anger. That was still there. So, Jason made a drug that cures fear."

Dick watches you carefully and he only knows one person that could make a drug that could cure fear. "You've got to be kidding me." Dick holds the bridge of his nose. "Jonathan Crane." Dick scoffs. "He's working with Jonathan Crane?" Dick nearly starts yelling.

"Yep." You roll your eyes. "So I confronted him. That's when I found Hank and I yelled at him and questioned why he'd work with Crane. He said Crane helped him and made him better, that Crane actually cares about him unlike you, Bruce, and me. So, he's been working with Crane and making an anti-fear drug and Crane is manipulating him and doing a damn good job." You explain. "He was high the day he went after the Joker. It's what got him killed. I think Crane probably planned for it. Expected Jason to die that night and the only one not in the loop was Jason."

"So, Crane could use the excuse of him bringing Jason back." Dick finishes. "Why would Jason go to Crane in the first place?" Dick asks and for the life of him, he can't figure out what would lead Jason to Crane.

Jason has always been troubled and had his issues but this just seems crazy. Jason knows the risks of Jonathan Crane, Dick does. At least Jason going after the Joker finally makes sense. Dick knows Jason wasn't that reckless but working with Crane?

"He was freezing on patrol. Getting hurt all the time. Nightmares, shaking hands. His leg pain was still there. Bruce took Robin away. Dick, it was bad for him. Like...really fucking bad. I guess he was desperate enough. I had no idea he was doing this shit. I was ready to call you and come back, with him."

Dick pauses for a few seconds as he starts to think and he knows why Crane has been so helpful now. It's to put the entire target on Jason and keep Crane out of the limelight until the time is right. It's how Crane always functioned and Jason and Dick fell right into the trap.

"Okay, so, why did he target Hank and not you? You know. You took his drug. Crane is going want to seclude him from everyone that cares about him. That's not Hank, that's you." Dick points out and he's also trying to make sure you're really coming clean. At the end of the day, you've been the one on Jason's side and it's hard for Dick to believe you're just turning over a new leaf over Hank Hall.

"Oh, have no fear, Dickolas, thought of that, too." You state. "Hank was enough to set the Titans off. Piss everyone off and target Jason entirely, leaves Crane out of it. As for me, though, I think Jason still has a line and I'm the line. I threw the first punch yesterday, not him. We both know if Jason didn't pull his punches, I'd have more than a few bruises. But, I think Crane is trying to turn him against me, too. Like you said, seclude him."

"What did he say?" Dick asks.

"Um...that I liked him better before? That Crane was right about me. Whatever the fuck that means. He also said I was using him?" You roll your eyes. "I think Crane is trying but there's a part of Jason that knows it's bullshit."

"Right, okay." Dick nods. "So, how does the drug work? If he can refrain from hurting you, couldn't he refrain from killing Hank?"

"I don't think it works like that. He asked me if I wanted to help and I almost did because I was already mad at Hank. I would never do that otherwise. It's like the only thing you want to do is hurt someone else because it's thrilling. You don't feel much of anything but anger when something sets you off. And it can be something small that sends you into a rage, it did for me. I'm thinking it works the same for Jason. I didn't care that I was hurting him or that we were fighting. I didn't care. I didn't even care that he was gonna kill Hank. But, I still didn't want to hurt him. There was something that still kept me from actually physically hurting him. I could have but I didn't. I think he has some restraint but I think if Crane picks at those parts of him, he'll crack."

"It's the exact opposite of the fear gas while still letting Crane reap the benefits." Dick lets out a scoff, almost mad at himself he didn't figure it out sooner. "Jason said Crane was right about you." Dick states. "Did Jason tell him about all of us?"

"I don't know. We didn't really talk about it but I'm guessing he did. I'm not sure what else he would mean by Crane being right about us."

"That's why Crane is helping him. Jason gets the cure to fear and Crane gets information on all of us and Bruce." Dick shakes his head. "It's a mutual benefit." Dick scoffs and he's growing more mad at Jason for going to Crane in the first place. If Jason wanted to fuck up his life, that's on him but now he's dragged everyone else down with him. And for what?

"Yep." You nod your head. "Look, Crane is gonna lose it eventually, it's what he does. We gotta get to Jason before that happens. I don't know how to do that alone. It's one of the reasons I'm telling you."

"I'm guessing you have an idea though."

"Well, if we break into Arkham and kill Crane..."

"No." Dick states. "We're not going to kill him."

"But, literally all of our problems would be solved if you let me do it." You nod. "Like, ya know, in and out. Boom, dead. Jason comes back home. It's a win."

"We're not killing people." Dick states. "Besides, we'll need Jason first. If he's as far gone as it sounds, he'll think we're doing it to spite him and then what? We need to know what Crane has planned. The last time Crane was up to something, he had the entire system rigged with his fear gas. If you go and kill him before we know the plan, he could release the new drug and then what happens?"

You narrow your eyes but nod. "Yeah, that's true. I didn't think of that. So, what do we do then?" 

"Well, I'll need to get to Crane." Dick states.

"We." You correct him as you cross your arms. "You're not gonna do this alone. It involves Jason so you involve me. If not, any new information I get, I keep to myself."

Dick doesn't want you involved. None of this should even be the Titans business. This should remain between him and Jason. Based on everything Crane has already told Dick, putting this on Jason, it does seem as though Dick is supposed to be Jason's target somewhere down the line. It's supposed to be between them. But, you've lodged yourself in the middle of it and he remembers San Francisco.

"Fine, but you do what I say." Dick warns.

"Deal." You mock him with wide eyes.

Just then Dick gets a phone call from Babs. Apparently, there was a targeted attack on Crane last night in Arkham by Red Hood. For his own safety, he's being transferred today to Blackgate. And Dick thinks you don't have to break him out. He'll already be accessible.

"Go get your suit. I have a plan." Dick states as he turns back towards the car.

"Uh...yeah, okay?" You question quickly before you spin around and dart into the manor before Dick can change his mind.

Dick and you head off to Arkham Asylum as you wait for Crane to be transferred. On the way, Dick clued you in on what was going on and what Babs told him. Dick's new plan is actually to kidnap Crane and hold him hostage. You and Dick are going to lure Jason out to the cabin where some of their Robin training took place. It's secluded, away from everyone else who could get hurt and Jason will know exactly where to go. Dick knows those woods like the back of his hand. It's an even playing field for the two of them. And you're thrilled.

You have yet to meet Crane face to face but you already hate him. You hate what he did to the city even if you admire the creativity of a fear gas. But, he's insane and you've got a real problem with anyone who turns other innocent people into monsters, especially by using their own pain against them. It's exactly what he's been doing to Jason. Holding Crane hostage, might be fun for you. And at the end of this, maybe it'll work and you'll get Jason back. But, you're trying not to bank on that. The plans don't always seem to go as planned.

The two of you watch as the guards bring out Crane and that's when Dick gives you the all-clear. The two of you head off towards the transport van, sneaking around pillars and other cars to remain undetected. Dick is the first to make the move and grab the guard near the driver's side of the van. You then go after the one coming from the back of them. Dick and you both knock the two men unconscious and leave them on the ground before heading to the back of the van.

Dick takes down the last guard before he opens the back of the van to reveal Jonathan Crane looking somewhere between confused and worried. Your fists ball at your sides as your teeth grit and he's definitely made his way to the top of your list.

"Let's go." Dick states turning around and walking away.

You glare at him for a few more seconds and you debate for just a split second on shooting acid at him or throwing a knife. One swift move and it'd be over for him. It would be over for Jason. But Dick is right. If he has something planned to poison the city, you need to know. So, you roll your eyes and turn around, following Dick to the car while Crane scurries out of the van to follow the two of you. 

Dick opens the passenger door for Crane while you get in the back. Crane offers you a displeased smile as you grimace at him. Dick gets back in the car, sending you a quick but warning glance before he starts the car again.

The drive is quiet at first, Dick and you wanting to not say a word to Crane or each other with him in the car. Instead, Dick focuses on just getting you all to the cabin and how he'll handle the aftermath of everything. You, on the other hand, think about how mad Jason is going to be when he finds out you're here. It's going to be another problem to sort out but he'll understand later because he has to. And you focus all of your anger and worry on Crane. The hit was on purpose so Jason could break him out which means some part of their plan is coming together and you focus your anger on that. It's a lot easier to be angry with Crane than worry about Jason and how this plan could go south.

After awhile though, apparently, Crane gets tired of the quiet.

"I'm an Alfa man myself. Those Italians, those lines, that flair...the sprezzatura. It's a term. It means the art of making something complicated look easy. Like that trail of bodies you guys left back there. You didn't even break a sweat, did you? Like old pros. See, now that is sprezzatura." Crane states with ease but he pauses for a second, looking over to Dick and spotting a gun. "Look, I don't need to worry about that piece you nicked from the B.O.P. back there, do I? I mean you wouldn't shoot a bound and defenseless man now, would you?"

"Depends." Dick keeps his eyes on the road, offering Crane no emotion.

"I would." You state with enthusiasm from the backseat.

Crane looks back at you with a slight scowl. "That is not very nice."

"I'm not nice." You quip with a chortle.

"So, just bad cop and bad cop, huh?" Crane asks but all he gets is a shrug and an eyebrow raise from you. "Are you his little sidekick?"

"No." You scoff. "Shut the fuck up before I make you."

Dick glances in the mirror, giving you another warning look. You mock the look right back.

"She is a feisty one, isn't she?" Crane looks at Dick.

"Shut up." Dick groans.

Jason saw you with Dick as you left Arkham. That little voice is the back of head that Crane has triggered gets a little bit louder. Of all people, you're going to work with Dick. He's told you to stay out of it but you won't. You know Jason is going to go after Dick and yet here you are, kidnapping his new mentor who actually cares about him with Dick. With his older brother. The original Robin. That's when Jason is piecing together maybe you have ditched your loyalty to him and moved with the Titans. You swore you wouldn't and he is ready to explode.

Jason: teaming up with Dick now?

He doesn't know why he texts it. He doesn't know exactly why he's going to bother because you'll lie to him anyway. You always swore you wouldn't but he knows if you are working with him, you'll lie to him. But, there's something inside of him that has to ask you anyway. He wants to know why. You hated Hank, too. And in that moment of being high, you understood it. That can't be the only reason you'd suddenly be on Dick's side. You're never on his side.

You: no.

Jason nearly groans out loud with the simple response.

Jason: why are you with him then? kidnapping crane?

You: involves you, Dick is pissed about Hank just making sure you don't kill each other

Jason doesn't buy it. It is never as simple as making sure people get along with you. That was always Gar's job. If it were about making sure they don't kill each other, you'd have Gar. That's not it. Jason is starting to wonder if you're just going after Crane. Maybe Crane is your target and Jason is Dick's. Maybe you're in this together. You and Dick have to be.

You: maybe I want a shot Crane

Jason grins softly at his phone as he looks up the gloomy sky above Gotham. Jason isn't going to let you kill Crane and he's betting Dick won't either. Dick is smarter than that and he'll know there's a bigger plan and Crane won't give it up. But, he finds it amusing because maybe that is just your motive. It is a very you motive to have in order to tag along.

Jason: you won't kill him

You: lol that a bet?

Jason: I'm serious

You: So am I

Jason: be careful

You: you be careful

Jason: this is between us not you Jason: if you're there for Crane leave dick to me

He says it on purpose. Fine, if you want your shot at Crane, you can take it. Jason knows you won't do it. You didn't get to kill the Joker and you think Crane is bad for Jason and he's turning Jason into something he's not. Jason firmly believes you'd offer Jason the shot instead of taking it yourself. So, he says it on purpose just to see if you'll actually go after Crane or if you'll go against Jason and protect Dick. He says it just to see which side you're really on. If you protect Dick, he has his answer and Crane is right.

You: involves you so it does involve me and yeah that wasn't convincing. Don't kill him that's tragic just like I said in San Fran two Robins fighting 

Jason: stay out of it

You: don't fucking shoot me

Jason: how do you know I'll show up?

You: revenge on Dick, we have Crane, I'm here, you can't resist a good challenge

Jason: lol yeah

You put your phone back in your pocket and keep your conversation between you, just that. Crane doesn't need to know he texted you. That might be bad. But, you already have a feeling what Jason is doing. Ever since he came back, it's been about what side you're on. He's making you choose and while you're here with Dick, you're just trying to do what's in Jason's best interest. Despite your conversation with Gar, you aren't giving up. You aren't completely picking sides. If this blows up and Jason gets away, you can always keep to the story that you were just there to make sure they didn't kill each other. What Jason doesn't know, can't hurt him.

The speakers start ringing through the car as Dick glances to the screen. Dick's lets out a sigh before he tabs the answer button on the screen.

"Hello?" Dick states.

"Where are you, Dick?" Barbara asks.

"Change of plans." Dick states and you want to know how he's able to remain so emotionless.

"Bring Crane back." Barbara demands.

"I will." Dick states casually.

"I'd get that in writing if I were you." Crane states.

"Shut up!" You groan.

"You brought Y/n with you, seriously? And is that him listening?"

"I volunteered." You chime.

"Yo, Babs." Crane chimes back.

"Jesus, Dick. I need Crane back here right now."

Dick looks to Crane and he's definitely not bringing Crane back. "Gotta go." Dick states before he hangs up, earning a snort from you.

"She's gonna kill you." You chuckle.

"I overheard the police talking about what happened...to that Hawk fellow." Crane states.

Dick scrunches his face, taking a harsh turn around a corner, you grabbing the Oh Shit handle from the back.

"Red Hood is a monster. We've both got proof of that now. But I can still help you. You know, just let me know what I can do."

"You can shut up." Dick states. "Enjoy the sprezzatura."

You smile widely from the back seat. You like this version of Dick. It's more fun.

After a while longer in the car, you finally start to pull into the woods. You adjust yourself to look out of the window as Dick drives. He's driving through a clearing but it is surrounded by trees and overgrown grass. Sometimes, you forget the insanity Bruce put Jason and Dick through in order to let them be Robin but as you watch the trees grow thicker the further Dick drives, you remember. Jason didn't talk much about the cabin. The most he said was that it was brutal. Maybe a part of you doesn't want to know what he went through.

Dick finally stops the car outside of a chain that's chained to two posts, blocking off the rest of the path.

"Let me go." Crane states.

"Not gonna happen." Dick says.

Dick gets out of the car, leaving Crane and you. Dick unlocks the chain while Crane decides he's going to try and make a run for it. He glances back to you before quickly unlocking the door and bolting out of the car as quickly as he can with his hands still cuffed in front of him. You start laughing as you get out of the back of the car, resting your arm on the open door.

"Oh, so he's stupid, stupid?" You cackle as you look over to Dick.

"Guess so." Dick chuckles, jerking his head toward the woods. "Bruce has the place rigged. He has to know that." Dick says, amusement in his voice as you btoh start walking in the direction Crane ran.

"Yeah, that's what Jason said." You laugh softly. "Part of your training was to avoid them." You mock softly as you hear Crane yell from a few yards ahead of you. "So, Crane failed."

"Jason told you about this place?"

"Just that and that it was brutal. He told me about the other stuff, not really this." You suck in a breath, watching the leaves crunch beneath your shoes. 

The two of you find Crane strung up in a net in the trees. Dick sticks his hands in his pockets looking only mildly amused while you're on the verge of bursting into a fit of laughter. If it were up to you, you'd just leave him there and let the birds of prey get to him. A slow and painful death sounds perfect for him.

"You're supposed to be smart but you didn't think there would be a trap?" You question as you look up to Crane who just glares down at you.

"Are you done now?" Dick asks, looking up to Crane.

Crane scowls at you btoh. Dick goes to cut him down and offers no warning before Crane falls right to the ground. You start laughing as you watch Crane groan from the ground.

"I find that funny." You beam down at him.

"You're not pleasant." Crane glares back at you.

"I know." Sam shrugs cheerfully. "Neither are you." You widen your eyes to mock him.

"Get up." Dick grabs Crane by the arm, dragging him to his feet. "Are you having fun?" Dick asks you.

"Yes, yes I am." You basically skip as the three of you start walking.

"Ah, is this where you carve up your victims?" Crane asks after a few minutes of walking, Dick pushing him from the back.

"Just keep walking." Dick states.

"Dick wouldn't make a good Leatherface. He's too nice." You grin wildly back at Crane before you gain a pep in your step. You don't see it but Dick almost grins.

The three of you get to the cabin and Dick plops Crane in a chair at the table before he chains him to the table. You take a seat at a chair to the left of Crane, mostly so he's in hitting distance in case he tries something again.

"It's not what you think it is." Crane warns. "Look, I had nothing to with what happened to your friend. What's his name, Hawk?"

"You don't get to talk about him." Dick threatens.

"It was Red Hood who did it. The kid's a monster."

You grit your teeth as Crane speaks. Jason isn't a fucking monster. He was never a monster. He was never a poison. He was never bad. He was always just a victim of everything around him and you're sick of people making him out to be this horrible, no good, and irredeemable person because that is not Jason Todd. And it shouldn't ever be.

"Bullshit! You were the one that made Jason into a monster." Dick yells back and a part of you almost lets out a breath of relief because finally, someone else sees it. "The attack at Arkham was a phony. It wasn't a hit. It was just an excuse to get your ass out of Blackgate. Red Hood's your protege. And I know he's coming here to save you."

"You may be overestimating him."

"He'll come. He knows this place." Dick states. "Bruce took him here, too. It's where he trained us." Dick says before he opens one of the cabinets, revealing monitors with feeds to cameras around the property. "We'll see him coming a mile away."

It's as if every time you find something more about Bruce, the more you think he's insane. You're pretty sure he didn't really need that many monitors or need to throw kids into the woods to train them.

"So, why would he walk into a trap?" Crane asks.

"Because he can't help himself. Because you made him feel invincible. Because I brought her." Dick glances to you and you almost scoff. You're only here because you have information and the ability to continue to get information.

"You think I changed him? Oh, buddy, no. I got news for you. That kid came to me broken, okay? All I did was rebuild him. And it was easy, too after what you did to him in SF. And that Titans business, what a twisted mind-fuck. I kind of wish I'd actually thought of that myself." Crane looks to you. "And you're using another kid. How did that work out last time?"

"He's not using me you fucking prick. He didn't want me to come." You grit your teeth at him. "Jason was never fucking broken."

That's the thing that even Jason never got. He was never broken. He wasn't damaged goods and he wasn't a poison. He was just Jason Todd and he had his problems but he wasn't broken. He was hurt and there is a very big difference between being broken and damaged and just being hurt. He never needed to be fixed.

"You didn't fucking fix him. He never needed to be fucking fixed. You just made him worse and then convinced him he was fixed." You bite back.

"Oh, is that right? Tell me, why didn't he come to you? He's better now, isn't he? He told me all about you." Crane taunts in a way that is almost effortless.

"No, he's not better and I'm willing to bet he didn't." You suck in a breath, trying desperately not to let Crane win. But, you really were never good about maintaining your temper when it comes to people you love.

"Acid generation, held captive, tortured. Dick found you. All that SF stuff, you were there. Right with him. You couldn't save him then."

Dick almost expects you to finally snap. Jason told Crane about you and that should have been his line to never cross. You have done everything in your power not to cross the line to loop Dick in and Dick actually wants to help. But then you just start grinning because if that's all Crane knows then he doesn't know everything. Which means, Jason was always just trying to keep you at a distance from him. A part of him didn't trust Crane enough and you're hoping you can peck at that like Crane's been doing to every other part of Jason.

"Yeah, all true." You nod your head. "But, you're wrong about him. And you're wrong about Dick, too." You deflect, trying not to give away Jason hiding something from him.

Dick takes his chance to get the conversation away from you. You shouldn't be bullied by Crane and you might snap if Crane continues. "It's not true. Whatever Jason told you."

"Isn't it? Isn't that what you do to all the young people that you fail? Abandon them. Or kill them. How is that little witch girl, by the way?" Crane questions. "Or the mute boy. Oh." Crane scoffs. "You must be so sorry about all of that now."

Dick isn't going to play into Crane's hand, it's what he wants. "Time to eat." Dick tosses him an unopened can of food "Watch him. I'm gonna get some wood." Dick states as he puts on his coat and heads out.

You watch as Crane looks at the label and rolls his eyes. As far as you're concerned, he should be thankful Dick tossed him any type of food to begin with. You wouldn't be feeding him. But you admire Dick's ability to stay calm and not feed into Crane's bullshit.

On the way to Arkham to grab him, Dick gave you an entire run down of dos and don'ts. Your research into him is just what Bruce had but it's nothing compared to actually meeting him as he tries to get inside of everyone's heads. Dick made it clear that Crane would try to say anything to convince you to side with him. He warned you about him being charismatic and a master manipulator, even though that part was in Bruce's file. And while you're listening to him, you do wonder why Dick is so good at it or at least pretending to be good at it.

"So, whose side are you really on?" Crane asks. "I find it hard to believe you're really working with Dick here."

"I guess you'll find out, won't you? Or does it matter? I'm guessing you told Jason I wasn't on his side anyway." You lean back in your chair as you cross your arms.

"Aren't you?" Crane asks. "You're here with him. Trying to use me to capture him. That does not sound like you're on his side." Crane raises his brows as if he's trying to seem innocent in his reasoning.

"I'm always on his side. You just like to manipulate people. Saving him from you is on his side. Me and Dick just have a mutual interest in the situation." You keep your voice level, trying to mimic Dick.

"Do you think he'll believe you? He hasn't taken your side yet. Like I said, he's a monster." Crane offers a delicate shrug of his shoulder and it almost sets you off. And Crane knows it because calling Jason broken already did.

"He's not a monster. You are. People who are manipulated and drugged into doing monstrous things are not monsters. But good try." You quip back.

"Drugged?" Crane questions, acting confused and you know you slipped.

How does Dick deal with him without giving anything away? But you're also good on your feet. You've always been good at thinking of lies and believable ones.

"Don't play dumb. That's how you got to him, right? Has to be. There's no other reason he'd be doing all of this. Jason gets tortured and ends up with PTSD. He dies, comes back, and works with you and now he's suddenly not having any PTSD symptoms. It's a drug, right? You said you fixed him." You shrug your shoulders as Crane gains a cornered grin.

"You are confident, aren't you? Tell me, what do you think he'll do when he sees you here? Do you think he will really just walk away from it all? I have news for you, you're not that important to him." Crane sneers back as you're starting to get under his skin.

"I know." You state, letting yourself hurt. If you don't sound hurt, he can go back and tell Jason you don't care. "But it's worth a shot anyway. And I want you to know, you are only alive right now because Dick is here. You're on my list."

"That's right. Bluejay, the hero turns killer. Sound familiar? You birds think you're above people like me but three of the four of you are killers now. Look how similar we are."

"Bruce killed a homicidal psychopathic sadist. I kill people who kill and hurt kids. You turned Jason into a killer. We are not the same."

"Are you making the rules for killing now? Oh, that's good. How's that working out for you? Do you think after this is over, Dick will let it slide? All the Titans? I think you'll be in a cell right next to mine."

"Nope. Nice try though. You can't manipulate me as much as you try." You offer him a sarcastic grin.

"How's this: your boyfriend came to me instead of you. He trusts me with his secrets more than you. He hasn't even looped you in or tried to get you on our side. He told me all about how you got together, too. He told me about your little friend Gar. The green fella. How you picked him over Jason. That's a cruel thing you did." Crane explains as you can feel your blood start to boil. "Honestly, he does deserve so much better than you just for that alone. You know, he hasn't mentioned you since. Looks like he means more to you than you do to him. Maybe he was the one using you." Crane shrugs his shoulders easily.

It shouldn't bother you because Crane is just doing what he does. He's trying to get under your skin to get you to snap or side with him. He's trying to get you to reveal your weaknesses so he can use them against you. You know. But, it's really difficult because even Crane saying it is confirmation to you. You know Jason deserves better. It was always a thought you had the entire time. But, it was the fact Jason chose you anyway and you chose him. Now, you're here though where it feels more like Crane might have a point. You aren't going to give that away though.

You lean forward towards Crane. "Look, I need you to understand this: I am coming for you. You can say whatever you want about Jason and why he came to you and whatever you wanna think. But one thing is certain, you are not going to make it out of this alive, Crane. I made a promise the day he died. I was going to come for every single person that made Jason Todd feel like he was not good enough, that he had something to prove, that made him believe he were a monster. I'm coming for you. You're alive now because of Dick, that is it. But once Dick gets what he wants, I'm going to kill you. Your days are numbered." You huff as you lean back in your seat.

"You won't do it." Crane taunts. "I matter to that boy of yours. You won't want him to leave you based on you not being able to control your killer instincts. I helped him with a cure. Do you think he'll forget that?"

"Then I'll live with the consequences. He'll understand one day and if I lose him, fine. But at least you can't fucking hurt him anymore."

"Like you have? It seems you've hurt him the most by not trusting him. I bet he's just devasted by you being here with Dick."

"Fuck you." You scoff.

"Yeah, that's right. You pretend to talk a big game but I know who you really are. You only look out for yourself. I get it. I really do. You had no choice out there on the streets and with your abusive foster father. It's your defense mechanism. Killing me isn't for Jason, it's for you. You can claim you saved him from me, a way to get to him and control him, use him the way you always have. Whenever something goes wrong, you go to him, don't you? You used him for the manor and the money. The weapons."

You suck in a breath and you think maybe Dick is just a better person than you are. He is, at the very least, more patient.

You get up and take a right hook to Crane's face as Crane yells out. You lean down, putting your hands on your knees. "You don't know who the fuck I am. Stop pretending like you do. Everything I do is not for me."

Crane spits blood onto the floor. "Really? Because this whole conversation you haven't said a word on how you feel about our boy. It's been about what you're going to do."

"Do you think I'm stupid enough to tell you how I feel about Jason? Or any details about us? You'll use it against me and him and I'm not desperate. I'm not falling for it. You don't get to know a damn thing about us from me."

"I already do." Crane grins wildly. "And I know how to get him to turn on you. I really hoped maybe you would come around to our side but...Jason will figure it out. I'll make sure of that."

You shouldn't do it and you know you shouldn't but you straighten your stance, pull your fist back, and punch him in the face again.

"You are so annoying." You groan as you take a step back just as the door opens.

Dick spots Crane hunched over in pain, spitting more blood onto the floor and you looking significantly more annoyed than when he left.

"Really?" Dick questions as he walks back in carrying firewood.

"If you didn't see that coming, that's on you, Dickolas." You sigh as you sit back down. "It was two punches, he's fine."

"I'm in pain!" Crane yells, gesturing with his cuffed hands.

"Oh, boo-hoo." You scrunch your face. "You're fine." You roll your eyes as you lean back in your chair, crossing your arms.

Dick ignores the bickering as he gets the fire going. The room starts to fall silent but with Jonathan Crane around, the room can't remain quiet for very long. Apparently, Crane wants to try and work Dick again.

"So, what's your plan here?" Crane asks.

"I told you. Wait for Red Hood and take him out."

"No, I mean, I mean in Gotham. You stepping into Daddy's shoes? Now don't get me wrong, I mean, you know, we all want to please our parents. That's why I became a doctor. You see how well that worked out, right?" Crane chuckles softly.

"You actually think we're the same?" Dick asks as he takes off his coat.

"No, no, no. What I'm saying is that we all get stuck on this hamster wheel," Crane sighs. "Trying to live up to the expectations of others. We always think that it's gonna turn out...different but the outcome is somehow always the same."

"And is that what you told Jason?" Dick asks.

"No, I'm talking about you. You come back here and you wanna bathe Gotham in blood as if that's somehow a better outcome than anything that Batman ever did. Bruce was a psychopath. He was using fear to control everyone, including his sons. I mean, he did it to Jason and he did it to you. And you and Jason, you both use that fear. You wield it like a weapon, but it hurts people, right? It hurts people that you care about. Like Hawk. It's still Bruce's game. Isn't it? It always has been." Crane pauses as the room goes silent. "Is there something on your mind?"

Dick chuckles softly. "Fear is your friend."

"What's that?"

"Bruce used to say it." Dick states. "He said, 'Fear reveals your weakness...and it gives you the chance to make it your strength."

"Hmm." Crane hums. "And him being the man that is, he...needed to make sure that you were afraid, didn't he?"

"I was out here all alone once. Bruce made me go out into the forest by myself for the first time. I had no idea what was out there." Dick starts as he tells the story about being chased by a wolf and being terrified he was going to be eaten alive, Bruce nowhere to help him.

"You were just a boy and those were the lessons that he taught you." Crane lets out a sigh as he shakes his head. "It's not your fault. But you need to make sure that this doesn't happen to someone else. That it stops with you. Now you let Gotham take care of Gotham. The water will find its level. Stop trying to prove something here."

Before Dick can respond, the alarm starts going off about a perimeter break. Your heart sinks with the alarm. Jason really just can't help himself. He has to come and prove something. Maybe, just maybe, Crane might have a point about that, actually. You hate to even think that but...Jason just showed up to prove something. He went to Crane to prove to Bruce he was good enough. Crane might be an asshole but he is making a little bit of a point, actually.

"But, the thing about that is, I've already proved myself." Dick states. "That night when I was a kid...without Bruce." Dick finishes the story, saying he was the one that killed the wolf with all the gory details. "I shouldn't have been afraid of the wolf. The wolf should have been afraid of me. Now, let's get you all fixed up. Company's coming." Dick starts undoing Crane's chains as you sit with wide eyes.

Maybe everyone is a monster. Or capable of being one. Maybe everyone has a monster inside of them but it's about what they use the monster for that actually makes them monstrous or not. Dick had no choice, do or die.

You know the wolf probably just wanted him out of its territory. Wolves have only attacked twice in North America since the early 1900s. Wolves aren't animals to typically fear. He didn't know any better but he was a monster that night to the wolf. And you know Dick isn't a monster. Not at his core. And you aren't either. And you know Jason isn't. But you've all done monstrous things out of self-preservation. Out of fear.

Maybe how people use that fear and those ideas is what makes them a monster. And if that's true, maybe most people can be saved. Maybe the monster just needs to know other ways to deal with the fear that fuels it.

You and Dick suit up once Crane is ready and you both head out to the woods. The plan is to subdue Jason, not kill him and then bring him back. That's it. You'll have him detox from the drug at the manor where it's safe. It'll be a two-on-one fight. And Dick is still a better fighter than Jason. You should be able to do this. So, you both head to the woods and you spot Jason down looking through the scope of a gun. 

Dick and you tread lightly, you staying further off to the side and behind Dick. You don't particularly want to fight Jason again if you don't have to, especially since you're sober. You know you actually might be here more to make sure they don't kill each other and just in case. Which is fine with you. But, as the two of you start to close in on Jason, Crane cuts the lights and Dick steps on a twig making Jason spin around immediately, blocking Dick's first hit. 

Dick tackles Jason, sending the two of them down a small hill. You follow the two of them just in time to see them both get back to their feet. Dick gets his enigma sticks in hand while Jason pulls out two pistols. The two of them start throwing hits using their weapons but the second Jason starts actually firing his gun, you step in.

You come in from the side, taking a kick to Jason's arm which gives Dick the opportunity to hit Jason in the knee. The hit sends Jason to the ground as he kneels, looking up to Dick as you walk beside him.

"Wow, classic moves. You even fight like Bats, huh?" Jason quips.

"Let it rest, Jay." You state and you can't see it, but he's surprised you're here fighting him. With Dick. And he's pissed. He really hoped you would take your shot at Crane even though he knew you wouldn't. You're just on Dick's side, lying to him.

"Not a chance, babe." Jason states. "Thought you wanted your shot at Crane, huh?"

"Yeah, I do but you're the one shooting the gun so." You shrug. "Not worth it." You shake your head softly as Jason grits his teeth under his helmet.

"We'll see." Jason says before quickly taking another shot at Dick, just as Dick moves out of the way.

You kick Jason just as Dick spins around and electrocutes Jason with his enigma stick. Jason falls back to the ground but only for a few seconds before he's back on his feet. He starts firing, trying to follow where Dick is going while you throw a knife, blade towards you at Jason's arm. It knocks his aim off just enough and Dick takes a shot with one of the enigma sticks. He uses it like a boomerang as it flies past Jason and hits his arm on the way back. 

The three of you continue to fight, Jason mostly trying to target Dick and only defending himself against you. But, it's two to one and Jason is growing more annoyed at the entire situation. You know when he's going to fight back and Dick is flipping around. But, he's trying until Dick gets a good hit to his arm, knocking it useless for a few minutes.

Jason is hunched over, holding his arm against his torso while you and Dick stand in front of him. You never wanted him to get hurt here. None of you should be getting hurt, especially at the hands of each other.

"You told Crane everything?" Dick questions. "Everything!?" Dick yells. "This ends here."

"What did you think was gonna happen?" Jason straightens his stance. "After what you did to me. After what you let happen!"

"This isn't on me! You made your own choices."

You take a step back and this is definitely their fight. You were always on Jason's side with what happened. But, it's been hashed out. It was talked through months ago. Whatever mind game Crane played for all of this to resurface is insane. But, you suck in a breath because while the stuff that happened in San Francisco is Dicks' fault, the stuff that's happened here isn't. Not really. It's more Bruce's fault but Bruce is nowhere to be found so you figure Dick is just an easy target. Jason, clearly, doesn't see the irony in that one.

"Like you made yours? Come on, dude, you're just like the old man. A copy. Everything you do. Everything is because of him." Jason says as he throws something at Dick and shoots it sending off a flash bang.

Dick and you get blinded which gives Jason the oppurtunity to take several swings at Dick before he has him in a choke hold, Dick on his knees. Jason holds a gun to his head and for a second, he thinks he's finally won.

"But not for long."

After all of this torturous hell, he's won. This can be the endgame. He gets Dick and he gets to snuff out the person he thinks is responsible for all of his pain. That's what this was about. But, you come back into view with the flashbang wearing off and you stand directly in front of Jason just a few feet away from him.

"Put the gun down, Jason." You grit your teeth.

"You on his side now?" Jason asks.

"Fuck." You groan. "No, but I fucking told you, you're not killing him." You seethe as you pull out a knife. "Let him fucking go, Jason."

"You know what he did!" Jason yells.

"No, I know what he did then and you squashed that shit. The shit that happened here isn't on him. You wanna blame someone then blame me." You shrug as you hold the knife steady and ready to be thrown in a split second.

The words catch Jason off guard. Crane has been telling him this whole time that you're the reason he suffered here. You're one of the reasons. If it weren't for you, it would have just been him getting to be Robin. You were good at it. Maybe Bruce saw you as a way to replace Jason. He never had any problems overcoming anything but you get in the picture and he can't even sleep at night. It all came back to you and now you're standing in front of him taking the blame.

"So, you are with him then, right?" Jason asks and Dick can feel Jason's grip starting to loosen. "You're just like him. You got a suit and now you think you're another bat. Dick's right, this ends here."

"I am always with you." You urge. "But, if you wanna blame someone for the shit here, then it should be me and Bruce, not Dick. So, let him go. You know I won't miss."

"So, try it." Jason threatens, he knows you won't. You would never throw a knife directly at him in case you do miss or he moves or you hit Dick. You wouldn't take the risk with them involved.

"Gotham PD! Drop your weapons!" You all hear from a helicopter above you.

The three of you look up to a spotlight on them. Dick takes the opportunity to grab Jason's arm, the gun firing as Dick grabs him. The gun fires directly at you but luckily, it misses as you dodge it just in time thanks to throbbing in the front of your head. The boys don't notice as they continue their fight and at this point, you're fed up with the two of them. 

"You almost shot me!" You yell and for a second, the two of them freeze, looking at you. "I've had it with you two idiots." You lunge forward and join the fight with the two of them.

The three of you end up fighting each other, you unsure of whose side you're on now. Dick pulled his arm so the gun would aim at you and Jason managed to pull the trigger in the struggle. It's ridiculous but as you all fight each other, a shot goes off from above you and it comes down right in the middle of the chaos, sending Dick off to the left and you and Jason off to the right.

Jason is the first to his feet and he sees you struggling to breathe after having the wind knocked out of you. Despite it all, that voice that tells him to side with you, is louder than usual. Something about seeing you possibly hurt sends his head into a static panic. So, grabs you and starts pulling you into the woods and away from Dick. You groan and you can see Dick still on the ground. If he's not on his feet now but Jason is, you're starting to think he was the one shot in this mess. This whole thing went to shit real fucking quick.

"Let go of me!" You yell, wiggling out of his grasp.

Jason takes a step back, putting his hands up and away from you. "Are you okay?" Jason asks as he takes his helmet off.

You spin around on your butt, eyes wide in disbelief. "Seriously!?" You get to your feet and rip off your mask. "No! I'm not okay! You two almost shot me. You killed Hank. This shit sucks! You're trying to kill Dick and you're thinking I'm turning on you, for fucks sake. What do I have to do to prove to you that I'm not everyone else!?"

It's wearing off, he can feel it off. The guilt is washing over him slowly and he hates this feeling. The withdrawal is starting to kick in and he wants to start ripping his hair out. Everything starts to hurt, slowly and steadily.

"Get out of here then." Jason turns around to walk away.

You run up behind him and grab him. He doesn't get to off so easily this time. "Get the fuck off of that drug for one fucking day and tell me Crane is on your damn side. I'm sick of this shit, Jason."

"So, stop following me." Jason turns to face you. 

"Come home." You grit your teeth and you know it's a waste of breath but you try anyway. After talking with Crane and seeing how easy it is to manipulate people, you're more afraid for him than you were before.

"I can't!" Panic seeps into his voice and he hates the way it sounds.

"Bullshit! Yes, you can!" Your voice starts to tremble as your nose scrunches.

He can't. He doesn't belong there. It was never home. They don't want him there. They don't get it. No one believes in him and they don't care about him. Crane has shown that he does. Crane has to be right about them. Jason can't afford for Crane to be wrong. He can't just go home. It doesn't work like that.

"No! Get out of here before Crane finds us! Go!"

The wording catches you off guard. He is worried what Crane will think if you're together. Crane said Jason hasn't mentioned you once and you didn't think too much of it, assuming it was because Jason just had his sight set on whatever the hell Crane wanted him to do. But, maybe Jason just left your name out of it the same way you just did. To protect each other. You need to find a way to work with that. Jason knows, deep down, something is off and you have to get through to that part of him but you don't know how. For the first time since meeting him, you don't know what will work with him.

"Jay," You plead with him. "He's not on your side. He is using you! Just like Bruce did. Please, come with me." You reach for his hand but Jason pulls it away. "Please."

He shakes his head. It's not worn off nearly enough for that to work. It has worn enough though for him to feel for you. "I'm sorry." Jason puts his free hand on your shoulder, searching your face but all he sees is the water brimming in your eyes. "I'm sorry I almost shot you. But, go. Get out of here." His voice is stern but there's a slight quiver to his words.

You shake your head softly as your heart breaks and you wonder how much more your heart can take before it finally just gives up. "Watch your back, Jay." You state softly, lacking any and all venom that should come with those words. "With Crane. I got the Titans, okay? If you have ever trusted me at all, watch your back, please."

"What do you mean you have the Titans?" Jason asks, his brows furrowing as he drops his hand.

"I got them covered, don't worry about them. Worry about Crane." You nod your head softly as you place your hand on his cheek. "Seriously, Jay, be careful." You nod once before you slide your hand from his face and turn around, making your way through the trees and back to where Dick was.

Jason watches you leave and he can't help but wonder what the hell you mean by watching himself with Crane. Of course, he knows you don't trust him. You wouldn't trust anyone like Crane, it's one of the reasons Jason never looped you in before he died. But, this feels different and he doesn't know why. Crane wouldn't tell you anything but you seem genuinely worried and maybe Jason should be questioning Crane a little more. He hasn't told Jason the entire plan yet anyway.

You get back to the clearing but Dick is nowhere to be found. You let out a sigh of relief figuring Dick must be okay if he's not here. So, you start your walk back to the cabin. When you get back, you find Dick standing in the doorway, holding his shoulder.

"You okay?" You ask from behind him.

Dick turns around quickly and for a second, he was worried they took you. You're the one who says you have a habit of being kidnapped. It was that or maybe you did side with them in the end. But, here you are looking absolutely defeated.

"Yeah, you?"

"You're bleeding." You state as you point to the blood leaking around his hand holding his shoulder.

"It's nothing. Are you okay?" Dick questions again.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You two morons missed me." You quip back as you roll your eyes. "You got shot though so that's a problem."

"It's fine." Dick states and suddenly you know where Jason gets it from. They aren't even blood-related and it's always 'it's fine' and 'I'm fine'. "Crane is gone so we need to get back."

"Good luck explaining that to Babs." You suck in a breath, pushing past Dick to grab your things from the cabin. "Sorry." You offer a yikes look based on the scowl you're receiving from Dick.

"Come on, let's go." Dick nods his head towards the door before the two of you head back to the car to get back to the manor.

As you head back to the manor, you're stuck hoping against everything in you that tonight was enough for Jason. It has to be enough to convince him. It has to.

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A/n: There's more Jason in the next chapter and in the rest of the chapters lol I am going into season 4. I have a plan lol We also do circle back to the whole fight between him and the reader later!!

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss  // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @stainedstardom // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash  // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover //  @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866 // @littlemeowmeow1000 // @ginger24880 // @septixtrash // @kplatzman // @urmomsgayforme5

[hyperlexichypatia]

You don't have to be "happy" to deserve the freedom to control your own life.

It's easy to justify people's right to live their lives as they choose with "Let them do whatever makes them happy!" or "As long as they're happy, who cares?"

I've said this! But it's not a very effective argument. Because how can you prove that you're "happy" -- a subjective emotional state?

Queer people, disabled people, fat people, Mad/neurodivergent people, people in stigmatized relationships, are constantly told that we're wrong about our own happiness. That we think we're happy, but this false belief is part of our Mental Illness(TM). No one Like That could ever really be happy!

And this prejudice is fundamentally unfalsifiable. We can't prove our subjective feelings. If we could, people would somehow redefine "happiness" to exclude what they don't approve of.

I made the mistake of reading the comments on this article about age differences in relationships which literally has the headline "They say they're happy. Why is it so hard to believe them?" Of course, the commenters were all too eager to answer the rhetorical question. "If they were really happy, they wouldn't need to say so" (maybe they're sick of being asked). "People in situations like that don't know what's really going on, they think they're happy!" (what, exactly, is the difference between thinking oneself to be happy and actual happiness?).

(Side note for the relationship-specific version of this: I also see a lot of "They think they're in love!" and I have to ask: If people in relatively new relationships are told that "You only think you're in love, you're actually in lust/ a crush/ new relationship energy," and people in established long-term relationships are told that "You only think you're in love, but it's actually complacency/ not knowing any better/ helplessness," is there a magical medium-term relationship duration at which people can actually love their partners?)

You can never prove that you're "really happy," because if someone has already decided that your identity/lifestyle is incompatible with happiness, they will never believe you.

Arguing "I should be free to make my own choices or be myself, because I'm happy this way" will only prompt the response "The fact that you so mistakenly believe that you're happy is proof that you're mentally incompetent, and you should not, in fact, be free to make your own choices or be That Way."

Being constantly "happy" at all times is, also, just a completely unreasonable expectation. Humans have a range of emotions! Experiencing the full range of positive and negative human emotions is not a reason to deny us our rights.

In Jesse Singal's anti-trans hit piece, which I'm not linking to, Singal cites parents of a trans man who oppose their son's right to transition because, according to them, he was depressed after his transition. Now, notably, the son was not interviewed (and he was misgendered throughout), so we have absolutely no idea what his actual emotional state actually was (I don't know if the son ever went on the record anywhere with his own version of his story). But let's assume, for the sake of discussion, that his parents were correct, and he was depressed. So what? Trans people have the right to be depressed! Trans people have the right to the same emotional range as cis people! People's rights should not be dependent on what emotions they do or don't experience.

Additionally, this insistence on "happiness" as a prerequisite for rights, autonomy, and acceptance (willfully) ignores that the denial of rights, autonomy, and acceptance tends to make people unhappy.

Authoritarians think they have a real gotcha with "If you're happy this way, then why are you complaining?" as if people can't be profoundly happy with their identities and profoundly unhappy with how society treats them for those identities.

I am, for the most part, reasonably happy with being a fat, Mad, autistic, queer woman. At least I generally feel no pressing desire to change any of those things about myself. And I am extremely unhappy with the way I am treated for being a fat, Mad, autistic, queer woman.

But there are certainly times when I might think to myself "If I were taller, I could reach that top shelf" or "If I were thinner, I could maneuver into this tight space" or "If I weren't autistic, I could travel more." And at those times, I still deserve autonomy and basic human rights. I might be happy, sad, angry, anxious, excited, blase, or in a state of perfect Zen, and I would still deserve autonomy and basic human rights.

[lovelybrooke]

well lets talk of Yandere Gortash !

Like i said i think he would be second to fall for reader, i'm not sure if he would be more platonic or romantic but since i dont really like him i will mostly think of the platonic version

(I will spoil à little his past ?)

We know that he dont have à good relationship with his parents, they basically hate him and he use the tadpod so they act like if they do live him

So this Man is clearly in need of familial love. Since he would meet reader because of yandere Ketheric, he would little by little also think of Reader like someone of his family

I think of a sibling, lets say younger, someone who need him, who look up to him and who be proud of him unlike his parents

I think Gortash would be the most delusional of the three, but also the most tactical. Ketheric could be reasoned, Gortash ? Not really. He would give the impression he can be but he would NEVER let his only "true" familial love go.

I think he would not respect Reader and their opinion, cause in his mind he his the big bro, the most smart, and really Reader dont know anything from this world, so what if he did some bad thing to Karlach our friend ? That was ages ago and à need for his plan to work. Really we shoudnt stop at some old thing like it

He would gaslit Reader,

The only reasons that reader is not at Baldur Gate with him is that he want Reader to stay away from Orin and cause Ketheric dont want to be appart of Reader cause he's paranoid

I've had this brewing in my inbox for a while and now that I want to write more about Baldur's Gate I'd thought now would be the best time to answer this.

I think the thing you got right on the head is Gortash not respecting reader, since he almost infantilizing them in a way. You aren't from this world and seem to be willfully ignorant on how everything works. I haven't talked about this, but at a certain point I honestly think that reader just can't care less. Like they understand that dying is always right around the corner but they can't seem to care anymore, it's not like anyone back hoe is going to believe any of this anyway. I think Gortash is drawn to that sort of behavior in a way because it not something you see often.

He's one of the characters that just doesn't believe you for a long time about the whole "being from another world thing" but honestly he doesn't seem to care. Where you're from doesn't matter now that you're here, and you aren't going anywhere.

Gortash's feelings on reader is very complicated and isn't something even he can put into words. He doesn't love reader, but he also doesn't despise them like most, it's strange, but not enough that he wants to get rid of you. It's why he's so drawn to you, because he wants to learn more and more about you until he is the only one you have.

[lurkingshan]

Did you go into I Feel You Linger In The Air with a lot of expectations? Personally I'm a huge fan of Nonkul so when the cast was announced I was quite livid and my expectations raised a lot when the pilot trailer was dropped but Dee Hup House followed that pilot trailer with Step By Step, Show Me Love and Hidden Agenda so by the time IFYLITA aired, I felt like I had to try minimizing my expectations as much as possible because it's Tee Bundit & co. I can't quite put into words but what about IFYLITA that makes each episode builds up so well and I never really feel like it lost its pace? plot? narrative? (except for maybe a few plot threads I could overlook). What do you think Shan? What do you think are the key elements that keeps IFYLITA's narrative so engaging even though this could have been like any other modern-guy-accidentally-time-traveled-to-the-past-to-fall-in-love-with-guy-from-the-past series?

My friends can attest, I went into I Feel You Linger in the Air with unreasonably high expectations, because I fucking love historicals and time travel romances and before this year we had precious little of either from Thailand. I was so hype for this project from the moment it was announced. And then Step by Step happened and I decided to willfully ignore the Dee Hup House and Tee Bundit parts of this project in order to stay hype. Surely, it would be fine!

And it has, mostly. I can't pretend we haven't seen some Tee Bundit hallmarks in this production. For the first half of the show, he seemed pretty uninterested in the romance, focusing most of the story time on building out the side characters and the politics of the period and leaving Jom and Yai's connection underdeveloped. He has given us almost no information on the time travel mythology, so the finale will either be jam packed with last minute exposition or leave Jom/us with no real understanding of the rules of this universe. He seemed unable to figure out how to make the romance and time travel and queer politics plots co-exist, so instead he kind of chunked them out, taking them one at a time and leading to some kinks in the pacing of each given plot. He spent a lot of time very carefully building serious conflicts only to hand wave them away in one very easy denouement.

But despite all that, this show just works, doesn't it? Usually when I am picking up this many structural issues in a show, I will lose my emotional connection to the story as my brain kicks into analytical mode. But that didn't happen here. The emotions of this story stuck with me throughout; I care about all the characters, I am invested in everyone getting what they deserve, and I was sobbing my little heart out last week as Jom and Yai said their long goodbye. It's been such a beautiful journey, if imperfect, and I credit that to a few things:

Writing aside, the other aspects of this production are all around phenomenal. The cinematography, the set and costume design, the lighting, the music. It's all working together to make this time and place feel so vivid and real. It's so gorgeous to look at and the show really makes you want to just sink into it and get immersed.

Bright and Nonkul were perfectly cast in this, and they have been absolutely killing it in these roles. Jom and Yai feel so real to me, both as individuals and as a pair. I really believe in their connection, which is no small thing given the aforementioned underwriting of its development. In a story like this the romance needs to be strong enough that you believe these two would seek each other out across time and space, and I do believe it for them. A lot of that can be credited to the remarkable chemistry these two performers have built together.

The non-romance aspects of the plot are actually compelling. It's always risky to add in a bunch of side stories to a simple romance; you risk distracting from the main story in a way that actually does some damage or leaves the audience bored or confused. But here, the choices about what to add made for a compelling cast of characters, a stronger tie to real history, and an all around more queer show. I love that we got a proper lesbian romance, that we got to see an oppressed woman come into her power, that we got a het dude learning how to be an ally, and that we got to see a queer community form around and bolster Yai and Jom. It's really special and the best of what Tee's interests can lead to when he marshals them well.

So yes, I do think this show stands apart from others in this genre for what it brought to the formula that feels new and fresh. I wish it was more widely accessible because it's truly one of the most beautiful dramas I have ever seen and easily one of the best Thai shows of the year.

[ovaruling]

mostly a vent but—how do so many adults not only know so completely zero about nourishing themselves properly, but also have zero curiosity about their nourishment on top of that? like how are basic nutritional facts and basic food nutritional profiles and the barest RDAs not known and not even wondered about

like i meet adults every single day who literally can’t grasp the concept of a meal that they know and understand the components of. like. they legitimately don’t know or care what they’re eating at any point of the day but have complaints of many solvable symptoms of nutrient deficiency or saturation

even a large number of people who cook all the time will seem to have this incredible blind spot for knowing anything about nourishment

like there are people who think you legitimately don’t get nutrients from anything but animal flesh and leafy greens and then i’m supposed to act surprised when their bloodwork is a mess

and when i suggest “oh you may need to include more things like orange juice and potatoes and bananas and pumpkin seeds and dried fruit for other quick sources of electrolytes that aren’t just shit tons of sodium” after friendly discussions of muscle cramping despite water and Gatorade consumption

and they’re like “oh my god you’re so smart…,” lmao no i’m fucking not!!! fr how can you have persistent muscle cramping every day and not even WONDER if it’s related to what you do or do not put into your body. that’s my FIRST thought every time i have a palpable issue—“maybe i’m getting too little or too much of something, let’s get curious and think critically about what i’m currently eating and drinking”

especially people with chronic illness like me!!!!! come on now!!!!! how can you not even deign to google what nutritional advice you might benefit from!!!!

i’ve fr had people be in awe of my casual recommendation of eating more fiber. and even more awe about what foods contain fiber. like. you cannot be serious that you didn’t know that about your human body. you cannot be fucking serious!!!!!!!

how can you go through your day—through your adult life—not knowing or caring if you’re meeting your individual nutritional needs and how can you not even be CURIOUS about that if you know that you don’t know. ppl act like you need regular bloodwork to be able to suspect anything abt your body enough to try the very risky risk of simply eating more of xyz type of food (usually a fruit or vegetable god forbid) or something to just see if it helps with your issue ykwim. like eat an apple and maybe your gums will stop bleeding, matey. oh no cap’n i can’t i would need sooo much bloodwork to know if it’s ok to try eating an apple!!! come on now

like. i know im not a genius to just be knowing Feeding Yourself Properly 101. my parents never taught me a damn thing about nutrition and i never even learned it at school. it’s not hard. i know it’s not. so everyone else must just be stupid as hell abt this or willfully ignorant

and maybe they are bc the average western diet has most ppl malnourished despite a very, very large daily intake of calories so idk man IDK!!!!!

[bonniethebun]

May as well tiene into a twst account, idk cause it's fuuuun ny way

TWST BOYS IN A ROADTRIP 😦

What if they courses went in a Lil trip by themself HUH?

First yeaars

Jack: main driver, did it for most of the road until he noticed the others had the intention of letting him be a choffer, the plan didnt last cuz he aint that dumb

Epel: Main co Pilot, he was a GOOD sense of orientation, secondary driver but he's a menance, his way of driving is the embodiment of the phrase

" i may risk our life but Not our puntiality"

Deuce: third designated driver, barely takes the wheel, if he's actually driving people he gets kinda nervous, a chill passanger that makes no trouble

Ace: he's a cunning passanger, if theres only ,3 or 2 people he Will lay in the back seat as of it was a bed, but thats not the case, he"ll take co Pilot insted of the cramping any day, he plays the music

Sebek: another headache of a passanger, he has Two modes complaining or silently juding, at least he will willfully go to the back and You can entrust he Will share the snack for the road EVENLY

Second years

Jade: one of the Main drivers, somehow they get a little faster when he drives them anywhere

Azul: on copilot 80% cuz he's the one picking the Best hotel and tours deals

Floyd: right behind or in copilot seat for very short times just to keep and eye on him cuz i know this mf is the type of person to just JUMP of the moving car

Riddle: gave himself the job of looking thru virtual maps how the hell does jade get quicker, or just reading in his phone, or pretending to be asleep so he can ignore floyd

Ruggie: enjoying the free day, doesnt care what seat, Will drive for a bit only of neccesary but he would the the wheel for a bit for an extra snack

Kalim: been his usual self making small talk with whoever is next to him, is on the aux cord but just asks the others what song would they like next

Jamil: near kalim but Not exactly next so he can small talk and still attend him, he Will switch with jade for driving to takeba break

Silver: with a collar pillow and earphones cuz he can at least be in a comfy position for sleeping

Third years

Leona:If it's his car he WILL be driving, Will put others to drive for shorts periods of he feels lazy enough, if it's not his car he's taking the co Pilot seat hostage

Trey: secondary driver, Will do the hand gesture of sticking the hand behind the seat to ask for a snack

Vil: princess passanger treatment, will blast his music the majority of time and every one would have to suck it up, goes straight to the back if it's too sunny cuz it bothers him

Rook: helps with directions and snack sharing, is the type to have a little bag with EVERYTHING, vil's special snacks, any pills for dizzyness, etc

Cater: makes various Magicam histories of only the road cuz yeah theres royalty but either WAY he kinda can de tox a little and Make small talk

Lilia: constant back seat, specifically behind the driver, him and Cate are of the few ones that can over throw vil's aux cord tyrany, either that or to let this granpa tell WEIRD stories

Malleus: really quiet , makes some comment about what catches his eyes along side the road, brough a book and EVERYone is baffled how he doesnt get dizzy

Idia: confinned in the portable Game he brough, volumen to the max and sit next to malleus cuz he's silently reading

I don't know if to put ortho to the first or third years, but i think in wherver car he his Will just chat and announce how close they are to the destination as if they were on a plane

~~~~~~~~~~~

Bye 🫥