#i can just put a sign on top of me so if my parents find me they don't think i just passed out or something

[laligraves]

a wedding in june

cult leader!joel miller x virgin fem!reader

[18+] | wc: ~3.2k summary: You run from Joel on your wedding day. masterlist | AO3

warnings: HBO Joel, TLOU AU, dubious consent (i'm so serious don't read if it makes you uncomfortable), some proofreading, post-outbreak, commune/cult vibes, arranged marriage, mentions of infected/gore/violence, no use of y/n or too many details on reader's appearance, some face slapping, loss of virginity (and some pain associated to that but only a few sentences), outdoors sex, oral (f! receiving), squirting, unprotected sex, creampie

a/n: i promise i have other ideas rattling in my brain besides dubious consent 😭 i have a whole wip chart with tons of ideas that i hope i can write

You run faster at the sound of shouts behind you. Sweat drips down your temples and fear makes your heart beat erratically, but you don’t dare stop. 

The outer gates are only a few more hundred feet away. All you need to do is get past the trees and you’ll be able to escape. You don’t have time to think about how this will be your first time venturing outside of the commune. 

Everything you were taught about the outside, about the orphaned souls and monsters that lurk, none of that matters. Not when you’re more terrified at what your future will bring.

Joel Miller. The man who in just a few months, cleared away the hundreds of infected in the nearby valley. Joel, who in the commune’s monthly hunting trips, manages to find everything from venison to medication. 

The times you’ve been close enough to Joel, to feel the heat emanating off his body, you can almost taste the violence that simmers beneath his skin. Instead of it scaring you, like it would any sane person, it excites you. 

The longing in his gaze whenever he looks at you makes you dizzy. There’s a pulse of heat between your thighs each and every time, one that will only go away after you ride your pillow until exhaustion. Whenever you face him again, after you’ve dreamed of him taking you, you wonder if he knows what you do in the privacy of your room. 

There’s no denying that he’s saved this commune from the brink of starvation. Of course everyone, including you, is grateful for the kindness of a stranger. But in the months he’s been here, their gratitude has turned into pure devotion. 

Your parents practically pushed you into his arms the moment Joel asked about you. Normally quite level headed, your parents have begun to treat Joel like a God. You thought Joel would find their insistence of marriage off putting, that he would be an honorable man and let you choose your own path in this place.  

You were wrong. 

Your parents saw it as an honor that out of all the women in the commune, Joel chose you. The books and pretty dresses he finds on his trips are only a sign of how devoted a husband he will be, at least that’s what your mother tried to tell you.  

And the times you tried to speak to Joel and get him to rethink this marriage? Don’t worry about it, pretty girl, was all he would say before he’d send you off. 

You can imagine him in your bed and fantasize about him in your dreams, but to be his wife? Especially now that he’s been chosen to lead the commune—you want nothing to do with that. 

A denser path to your right has you changing directions, wishing to throw them off your trail. You can still make it if you run through here. 

Except it’s too late. Strong arms grab and push you into the lush grass. 

“No,” you scream, “let me go!” 

“What’s wrong with you,” Joel snaps, “don’t you know what’s out there?” 

“I don’t care,” you scream out childishly, “I’d rather be out there than be with you!” 

He climbs on top of you, grabbing your wrists in one hand and pressing them above your head into the grass. He leans on your thighs to keep you still and grabs your chin with the other hand. 

“Listen to me,” he insists, “you don’t know what you’re sayin’. You know nothin’ of what life is like outside these walls.” 

He digs his fingers into your cheeks and shakes your head slightly since you refuse to look at him. 

“Joel, did you find her?” your father calls out from a distance. 

“Yeah, I got ‘er.” 

“Great, let’s go back and finish the celebration–” 

“No,” Joel calls out. 

“Joel–” 

“Leave,” Joel interrupts. 

He continues sitting on you, putting most of his weight on your trembling body. The white dress you're wearing, a satin piece that he found on their last hunting trip into the town, rides up dangerously close to your panties. 

“I need to teach you a lesson in respect, wife,” Joel growls. 

He stands and just when you think you can escape again, he yanks you up with him. Joel holds your arm tight with one hand while taking off his belt with the other. He spins you around and brings your wrists behind your back, using the belt to bind them together. 

“You wanna see what’s out there? Since you think you’re so tough?” Joel asks, not waiting for an answer and instead dragging you to the gate. “I do everything to make this place safe for you, darlin’. But this is how you repay me? Runnin’ off at the first chance you get?” 

You’re surprised at his words and the sincerity of his voice. He sounds almost… sad. 

“Practically beggin’ to be out there with those fuckers instead of me?” he continues, “The only man who can truly protect you?” 

You reach the gate and your heartbeat picks up again. You’ve never been out this far. In fact, you’re acres away from the actual commune. While the gates are secure and regularly enforced, you can’t help but feel truly terrified that something will grab you just outside these barriers.  

“I’m sorry, Joel–” 

He stops, spinning you around and landing a hard slap, slap, slap on your ass. 

“You address me as sir.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” you cry out, “I learned my lesson. Let’s–let’s go back.” 

Joel ignores you, choosing instead to march you right to the gate. He keeps one hand on your arm and uses the other to maneuver the many locks and wires on the barrier door until it finally opens. 

“No, please! I said I was sorry! I wasn’t thinking!” 

He drags you out and for the first time in your life, you’ve left the commune. Despite only a metal gate separating both sides, this area seems devoid of life. 

He walks and walks until you wonder if you’ll pass out from the panic. You fall to your knees and Joel crouches right in front of you. 

“Your daddy ever tell you about the infected?” Joel whispers, tilting your chin up with his index finger. “How they’ll bite and rip into any part of your flesh.” 

“No, please,” you whimper. 

He drags a finger down your neck and over your exposed collarbones, leaving goosebumps in his wake. Your nipples tighten as he glides his finger over one breast and then the other. 

“Once they’re done with you, if there’s anything left, then you become just as mindless and violent as them. Forever lost–” 

“Sir–” 

His hand tightens around your neck, cutting off your words. 

“It’s not just one, babydoll. They like to travel in hordes. Makes it easier to find their victims.” 

Your air supply thins and blood rushes to your ears. You squeeze your thighs unconsciously as the pulsing between them only grows. Joel ghosts his lips over yours and your eyes flutter closed without thinking. 

“But it’s not just them,” he whispers over your lips, “there’s non-infected out there. People who won’t think twice about hurtin’ a pretty girl like you. Killin’ ya’ just for fun.” 

You’re not sure who kisses who first. It’s not the chaste kiss the two of you shared at the altar. It’s rough and has you pressing your body close to his so you can take every swipe of his tongue or bite from his teeth. He continues holding your neck, lightly squeezing so you have no other choice than to gasp for air. 

You fall back at the push of his hand on your chest. He flips you on your side to untie his belt from your wrists. You attack the moment your hands are free, sliding your hands through his salt and pepper hair and tugging him down.

Joel hisses but returns each of your kisses and bites with his own. You hear the squawk of a crow from above and you're immediately reminded of where you are. 

“Wait, sir,” you gasp, “not here. Take me back to your–our house–” 

He drags his teeth down your neck, rubbing his beard into your soft skin and biting down. 

“Thought you’d rather be out here than with me?” he says, repeating your words from earlier.  

“No,” you whimper, trying to push him off, “not here. I–” 

He reaches your chest and sucks your nipple into his mouth right over your dress. Your words are cut off and you're arching your back, trying to push more into his mouth. 

Joel makes room between your thighs and grinds down as you twist his wavy strands of hair between your fingers. His hard bulge rubs over your pussy and your whimper at the roughness.

He pinches your other nipple between two fingers then leans back to tug down the straps of your dress. Warm, summer wind glides over your now naked breasts and you shiver. 

“Look at these pretty tits,” he groans, “all mine.” 

Joel yanks the skirt of the dress over your tummy and runs a finger up and down your panty-covered pussy. You shamelessly grind down on his hand and cry out the moment he lands a harsh slap. 

“Please,” you beg with what's left of your sanity, “take me home.” 

With the same technique as before, Joel holds both wrists in one hand and uses the other to rip your panties off. You try to close your thighs from the sting of the elastic, but he’s quick to stop you. 

“Christ,” he whispers, “now ain’t that a beauty.” 

With two fingers, Joel swipes through your slick folds and brings them up to his mouth.   

“Mmm, sweet girl. Needa taste of this pussy.” 

“What do you mean—“

You try to remind Joel of just where the two of you are, but he fits his broad shoulders between your thighs and fuses his mouth to your pussy. 

You’re surprised, stunned silent by the heat of his mouth on your most intimate parts. You’re by no means ignorant of what a husband does to his wife—you’ve read enough of the romance books your mother keeps hidden in her bedside table and heard enough stories from your friends to have an idea of what happens on a wedding night. 

But never did you imagine it would feel like this. His beard and mustache only heighten the sensitivity between your thighs. The setting sun and the dense forest that surrounds the two of you should add to your terror, but Joel manages to put your attention elsewhere. 

His tongue lashes repeatedly over your clit and down to tease your entrance. You throw your head back onto the grass and stare through blurred vision at the purple sky, uncaring of where you are and of what creeps in the dark. 

He’s greedy, eating away at you like you're the last meal he’ll ever have. You’re slick and sticky, painting his face with your juices, making it easy for him to push a thick finger into your entrance. 

The stretch burns, but he calms you with a swipe of his tongue on your clit and the vibrations of his moans on your skin. 

“Your parents were right, you are a virgin,” he groans, pushing on the little piece of thin flesh that separates the rest of you. “Gonna be a tight fit, baby.”

You have no time to think about when your parents had that conversation with him. Instead, you're dumbfounded at the size of his fingers. You whine, unsure of what exactly you're asking, but nonetheless chanting more, more, more into the air. 

Joel manages to slide a second finger, curving them and pressing on something bumpy that makes you twitch and see black dots in your vision.

He stretches and scissors his fingers in your tightness, opening you up more and sucking your swollen button between his lips. Just when the heat is about to consume every inch of your body, he stops. 

“No,” you whine, trying to yank his head back to your thighs. 

Joel dodges your hands and laughs at the desperation written all over your face. He leans down, pressing his wet face to yours in a sloppy kiss, forcing you to suck on his tongue. Riding your pillow doesn’t compare to this.  

Just as before, Joel rips away and catches your wrist right when you reach for him. 

“If you woulda been a good girl, I woulda eaten this virgin pussy till mornin’,” he says while unbuttoning his jeans. “Made you ride my face and cum as many times as you wanted.” 

You barely understand how someone could ride a face, and yet you clench and gush around nothing, wanting his mouth or fingers back. You see the dark, curly hair at his base before he pulls out his length. 

“But for bein’ a brat, I’m gonna make you come on my cock instead.”

The tip is swollen and leaking a white-ish liquid that makes your mouth water at the sight. He lets go of your wrist and gently slaps your face. 

“Are you listenin’ to me, girl? I won’t fuck you if you ain’t payin’ attention.” 

“Y-yes, sir. I’m listening.” 

Joel laughs once again, noticing the dazed look in your eyes. 

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll make it fit.” 

There’s a craving inside of you, one that has you suddenly feeling so empty, that if he doesn’t fill you with his cock you think you’ll die. You repeat the word over and over in your head. 

You’ve read it more than enough times and heard it through hushed giggles from your friends, yet the way Joel says the word, the way he squeezes and twists his hand over his cock, you finally understand what the word truly means. 

Your fingers and the handle of your hairbrush were never able to give you what you so desperately seeked. You always stopped before you went in too deep, never able to take that final push inside.

He spreads open your thighs and you lean up on your elbows to try to catch a glance at what he’s doing. You see your sticky fluids stuck on your inner thighs and over the tip of his cock. He pushes in just an inch, and you gasp at the thickness. 

“Fuck, tight little thing,” Joel moans. “Need you to beg f’me, baby.” 

“Please, please, sir,” you answer quickly, “please, I–I want it!” 

He sinks in another inch, his face pinching in barely controlled restraint. 

“Say–fuck, say ‘I need your cock, sir’.”

The words are caught in your throat as you try to adjust to his size. Joel doesn’t like that you take too long to answer and slaps your cheek. 

“Answer me.” 

“I need your–your cock, sir,” you whine. 

“Again, fu–again,” he demands. 

You try your best to repeat his words, except he’s too far gone now. There’s a pinch, a rip of thin flesh and suddenly he’s sliding all the way in. You claw at his arms and at the grass to get away but he’s gripping your thighs, pressing deeper and whispering take it, pretty girl and you ain’t getting away from me.  

You feel full, so incredibly full. You’re split open, ripped apart just for him. 

“I know, baby. I know,” Joel coos, “it’ll hurt only for a minute.” 

His thumb rubs tiny circles on your clit and he leans over to press kisses on your eyelids and cheeks, licking away the tears that fall. 

The stretch burns, but his groans of pleasure and his gentle kisses have a warm glow spreading through your body. Joel notices the change in you and glances down to watch your hips move in small circles. 

“There we go, baby,” he moans, “knew you’d like it.”

He pulls out slowly, keeping eye contact with you and watching each pinch of your brow and flutter of your eyelids. 

“Saved this pretty cunt just f’me, yeah?” 

“Yes, sir,” you whisper, pushing away the sweaty curls from Joel’s forehead. 

He picks up the pace, curling his hand behind your knee and pushing it into your chest, arranging you like a doll. The pain now completely gone, you lay there, running hands over his arms and watching the sweat drip down his temples. 

Every slide of his cock kisses the very end of you. Your hips move and twist on their own accord and you have no choice but to cry out into the night sky. 

“Takin’ this–this big cock like a good girl, yeah?” Joel groans, watching his cock plunge in and out of your little hole. “Need you–fuck, need you to say you’re mine, baby.” 

“I–I’m yours, sir,” you whine, feeling a twinge in your core, “yours, yours, yours.” 

You dig your fingers in his neck and drag him down for a kiss. He grunts as you bite deep enough to draw blood. 

The thoughts from earlier, about running away from him, leave your mind. Even if it hurts a little, even if you aren’t prepared to be a wife, this is exactly what you need. And you won’t let anyone else have him.

“You gonna cum, girl? Gonna cum on your husband’s big cock?” 

This time he doesn’t stop you. His hand squeezes your neck and he traps you into the ground, pistoning his hips into your slick cunt. Your oxygen lessens and your cumming, numbness and white heat spreading throughout your body. 

“Just like that, baby,” Joel growls, “soak my cock.” 

You're gushing on him, painting the hair at his base with sticky juices. You tremble in his arms and claw at the hand that squeezes your neck. Joel doesn’t let up, fucking into your limp body, loving the way you mewl underneath him.  

He moves in short thrusts, stiffening and letting out an animalistic grunt into the night sky. He presses his head into your neck, sucking and biting into your soft skin while he spills his seed inside of you.

"Take my cum, baby. Take it, take it," Joel moans.

You clench around him, massage his cock with your inner muscles. Every drop of his cum belongs deep inside of you. 

With the little strength left in your body, you run your fingers through his hair. Joel's hands move to grip your thighs and he grinds down, spilling the last of his cum into your cunt.

"You belong to me," Joel whispers. "Don’t ever run again."

You lay there in the grass, breasts bare and pussy full of your husband's cock.

"I won’t," you promise. 

Joel leans back and slowly slips out. There’s a twinge of red mixed with his cum that he wipes up with your ripped panties. He lays down next to you and brings you in close so that your head is placed on his chest. You listen to his heartbeat and the sounds of crickets around you.

You think about the long way back to Joel's–well now your house too–and then you remember exactly where the two of you are.

"Sir, we're outside of the gates what if something or someone comes–we don't have any weapons–"

“There’s another gate a few miles out," he interrupts, "I installed it for extra protection around this place.” 

You drop your head on his chest from relief and exhaustion. Joel rubs a hand down your back and squeezes your arm. 

“I’d never put you in harm's way, pretty girl.”

-

general taglist: iloved1lfs0

ps: i know that there has been other cult leader!joel fics but in no way shape or form have i copied those works for this. if there is something major in my work that sounds similar to someone else's, it's purely by coincidence. i respect each person who takes time out of their day to write FREE content and the last thing i'd do is steal their storylines 🤍🤍🤍

[kittyhazelnut]

I am LOSING my MINDDDD

[ramons-elevator]

*SLAMS HANDS ON DESK*

FUCKING PHILS POV

Everything about his POV was bone chilling holy shit. Also fucking shoutout to the admins for picking Chayanne and Tallulah bc that was a really smart move.

For some context for those who arent Philza watchers:

Tallulah and Chayanne obey Phil. Yes they can be divas sometimes and be dumb and silly, but they arent like their siblings like Dapper and Richas who will just be dramatic and do dumb and dangerous stuff when their parents dont feel 100% okay with it. They will throw a fit but still be respectful of Phil’s word.

Phil said multiple times to them, especially Tallulah, to not go to the dinner no matter what. That as soon as it hits 2pm PST, they get tucked into bed and they can wake up after if they want. Chay and Lullah both agreed bc they both fear dying. Tallulah wants to see her dad and Chayanne knows how hard his dad works to make sure they are safe.

Let me fucking tell you how creepy it was seeing Tallulah walk into the dinner.

Phil immediately questioned her and was like “what the fuck you doing? We both agreed you would stay in bed.” and when ‘Tallulah’ just stared at him and shook her maracas, you could feel the air still.

Personally, it felt like a bucket of ice water got dumped on me. Phil literally froze. Because thats not fucking Tallulah. Tallulah is calculated, gentle, and slow moving. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner was shaking her maracas without a care in the world, running around. Also Tallulah will talk to Phil and they check in on each other. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner didnt put down a sign once.

Then as Phil was realizing that Tallulah wasn’t Tallulah, then ‘Chayanne’ comes in. At this point Phil realized that both ‘Tallulah’ and ‘Chayanne’ dont have cracks. Phil straight up looks at ‘Chayanne’ and says “You are fake, you arent my son.” Also same thing with Tallulah, Chayanne and Phil check in with each other. They are a well oiled machine. Phil knows Chayanne like the back of his hand and vise versa.

To be fair, Chayanne isnt an egg of many words. He likes action and just nods/shakes of his head when talking. If need be he will place a sign down, but he doesnt talk as much as Tallulah. So it isnt hard to impersonate him.

But the second, ‘Chayanne’ started punching Phil was again bone chilling. Chayanne rarely hits Phil, maybe once or twice from the top of my head. Again, Chay and Lulah are very respectful of Phil. If they need his attention, they do other ways. They dont hit.

And thats when Phil let Fit know that something was wrong. Those werent his kids. That they are fakes. Around that time, Phil runs home and sees that his actual kids are sleeping. He takes a photo, runs back, and fucking shows ‘Chayanne’. Phil lets the fakes know that he knows and he doesnt give a shit.

At some point, Phil and Fit talk again and ‘Chayanne’ runs up and tries to take the photo from Phil. Phil basically said fuck off and went back to his seat.

The part I find so fucking eerie was that Fit and ‘Chayanne’ had a lil talk. ‘Chayanne’ put down a sign that said something along the lines of “My dad doesnt love me anymore”.

That sign literally made me start to freak out because thats the fucking last thing the real Chayanne thinks. The real Chayanne knows that his dad loves him to death. That Phil would burn this server to the ground if anything bad happened to Chayanne. Chayanne knows that Phil does everything in his power to keep his son alive. He knows how much Phil worries about him and Tallulah (both the characters and the admins).

Going back to what I said at the start, the admins were so fucking smart for picking Chayanne and Tallulah to be the ‘Code eggs’.

People outside of Phil, Fit, Bad, and maybe Forever/Cellbit dont really spend time with Chayanne and Tallulah. Yes, other people do care after them and know them, but they really dont know their mannerisms and quirks. They dont know that Tallulah only shakes her Maracas when she is very excited or have something to say. They dont know that, while Chayanne can be hyper, he usually is very obedient and stays close to Tallulah when he can.

So putting them in a party where the attention isnt on them 100% time is so smart. They can run around and people dont think about it. They just see two eggs running around and having fun. They dont know how wrong it is to see them like that.

Then when the ‘Code eggs’ made themselves known, Phil got kicked. Again very smart from the admins because no one wanted to kill ‘Chayanne’ and ‘Tallulah’ even though they were obviously Codes. Even Fit, who Phil told over and over again that those arent his kids, hit the Codes once or twice but stopped because he didnt wanna take that risk. No one wanted to take the chance of hurting an egg. It gave the ‘Code eggs’ time to kill Charlie and try to kill others.

But the second Phil joins back, he is screaming that those arent his kids and to kill them. That they were impostors. Even then, they let Phil kill the Code eggs.

Then when Code Tallulah died, everyone stepped back and let Phil 1v1 Code Chayanne.

Im so impressed with the admins and the people who played the fake Chayanne and Tallulah. They did such a good job of putting a spear of ice through my heart. 100/10 Bravo

[st-kitten]

707 pt.3

← previous chapter christmas special

A/N: um... i've got two small special effects for this part, sooooo see if u can use them at the right moment :")

WARNINGS: trauma, implied death by accident, a good cry honestly, violence (intended IM A GIRLS GIRL BUT SOME THINGS ARE OKA-), that shlong, sloppenheimer (kidding: oral sex, both receiving), age gap (newsflash 😒) (reader is obv 20+ and toji is idk 38?)

"can we call y/n? for cake?" asked megumi.

"i'm not sure she wants to see anybody today, kid," replied a distressed toji

"but it's my birthday..."

toji couldn't resist megumi's puppy eyes. but he figured that if there was anyone you'd listen to, it would be him. it was worth a try.

both of them stepped out of their apartment, hearing music coming from your apartment. toji felt his breath returning to his lungs. music meant you were okay. or at least alive. your singing got clearer as the two of them stood outside your door. he tried knocking but it was left unanswered. toji wondered whether it was just a recording playing, so he pressed his ear on the door. no, that's definitely her. open the fucking door, y/n!

all toji had as a sign that you were inside were was you were singing.

[mention: easy on me, by adele, again for the lyrics ft.]

"i know there is hope in these waters..." is she crying?

"but I can't bring myself to swim, when i am drowning in this silence..." your voice croaked in the end. she's definitely crying. what the fuck did i do...

toji looked around the lobby. seeing it empty, he grabbed your doorknob and pressed hard on it, tearing it apart, breaking it. he gave it to megumi. he barged inside your barely lit, dark living room, only to find you sitting on the floor, head against the sofa, looking at the ceiling. broken glasses and torn papers surrounded you as you sang at the top of your lungs, voice overcome with some kind of pain that toji couldn't understand, but just feel.

"you can't deny how hard I've tried i changed who I was to put you both first but now I give up..."

"i was still a child..."

"so go eas-" hearing the door blast open, you stopped, whipping your head in its direction.

you were about to bark at toji when you saw the look on his face. fear... then you saw megumi, holding your doorknob, standing behind his father.

toji saw your grief-stricken face. the haunting melody of whatever heart-wrenching song you were singing still echoed in his ears, reaching out from the walls like a desperate cry for help. your disheveled hair clung to your face, a stark contrast to the carefree spirit that used to reside next door.

"w-what are you d-"

"what happened?"

toji treaded carefully around the broken glass, telling megumi to wait where he stood. he knelt down beside you, pushing away the small shards.

you sat there, too horrified to say anything. why is he here? a small shaky breath left your mouth, the rest bubbling up like lava, ready to erupt.

"i don't know what i did baby, but i'm sorr-" toji's apology went unheard as tears streamed down your face and a cry tore through the air like a wounded animal's howl. it was guttural, unrestrained, and laced with a pain so visceral that toji felt it in his bones. the sound wasn't pretty; it was raw and unfiltered, like the ugly side of life laid bare for anyone in earshot.

without a second thought, toji enveloped you in a tight embrace, pulling your trembling shoulders into him. he sat on the floor next to you, one leg folded down and the other tucked to his chest. he felt an involuntary shiver run down his spine as you sobbed into him.

"it's okay..." was all he could say. even he knew that it wasn't about fixing everything; it was about being there in whatever storm was raining down on you. he looked at megumi, unsure about how his son would take seeing you break down. the child stood a silent witness to all of it, his eyes glistening slightly.

"why is it okay?" you muttered. "for parents to be your first bullies..."

"what... stopped them," you sniffled, "from just listening to me?"

toji held onto every word that came out of your mouth. a part of him was relieved that this wasn't about him.

"i didn't want a fucking cake... i didn't want a cake, i just wanted them..." your breath hitched.

"you spend half of your life raising a child in the cruelest way... your last words to each other end up being an argument and... your last words to me were nothing..."

toji felt a knot in his stomach. he watched megumi leave and go back to their apartment. he was torn between his kid, disturbed on the eve of his birthday and the woman he was cradling, on her birthday...

as the echoes of your cry faded, they left behind a heavy, oppressive silence. only your shaky breath could be heard. he sat beside you, his eyes searching for the right words as you wiped away the tears that had traced down your cheeks.

"birthdays are supposed to be happy, ya know..." he whispered to you, as gently as he could. as if the wrong words would shatter you.

"they're also supposed to be spent with family apparently..." you said, gritting your teeth. toji didn't know what to say... he wanted so desperately to talk to her. but how do you even say something at a time like that?

megumi's small steps echoed in your living room. both of you looked at him. you felt like bawling your eyes out and toji simply smiled at his son.

megumi carried a small plate with a loaf of bread sitting atop, two tiny candles buried in it, their flames flickering in the dark room. he stood in front of you, holding out the plate to you with his tiny hands.

you held the plate, placing your hands on his. you glanced at the clock, which was seconds away from midnight. you blew one candle, covering the other with your palm. and when the clock struck 12, megumi blew the other candle out.

"happy birthday, gumi," you put the plate down and hugged him. he wrapped his tiny hands around you, resting his head on your shoulder. "happy birthday, y/n," he said softly.

hours passed by as you talked to toji about your unforeseen disappearance. megumi had fallen asleep in your lap and you stroked his head. you told him about your 13th birthday, your parents death in a car crash... you left some things off the conversation. oh, how toji felt each word you said. he knew how ruthless families could be. his own was never kind to him. he told you about his scar in return, and how he felt insecure about it.

"it's kinda hot, if you ask me." seemed like you were back to being your normal self.

toji smirked. "i know. you wouldn't stop kissing it last night."

you smacked his chest with the back of your hand. but it brought you two to that conversation. toji wanted it off his chest.

"i like ya."

you looked at him, taking a shallow breath.

"not just 'cause we made out yesterday. i'm the worst person to talk about feelings and shit to, but... i got 'em. for you." toji was done with it. he didn't want to stretch it any further. not after the day you'd had.

you opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off, "sit with it for a while. ya don't need to answer me right now."

toji picked megumi up from your lap, carrying him in his arms. he pressed a soft, patient kiss to your lips. "belated happy birthday," he said against your lips, got up and left, leaving a large hole in your door.

[ambient song y/n might vibe to: jeene mein aaye maza, by ankur tiwari]

you wandered aimlessly in the convenience store, picking up things and putting them back where they didn't belong. you circled the whole store thrice until the cashier asked you if something was wrong. paying for cheap beer and rice crackers you didn't even want, you left the store.

you walked home in the evening, head in the clouds. (a cloud shaped like toji)

he liked you. his words hammered in your mind like construction workers at the crack of dawn. girls usually felt giddy after hearing a boy confess to them. the fuck were you feeling? and why was it some kind of diarrhoea? you mind went back to how you'd kissed and how good it felt. there was no doubt that you found him attractive. you liked spending time with him. but did you like him? what even would you do if you did? date him? be his girlfriend? mother to his child? how did one go about dating an older man? if anything, he'd end up with another child.

you walked by a park, watching children playing (mostly falling), building sandcastles in the pit (and falling on them), running around chasing nothing (and falling), scurrying into their parents' arms (guess what).

did you want to be that to megumi? because being with toji meant being with megumi and being responsible for him.

you sat down on the pavement, sipping on beer that tasted like toothpaste, pondering over what kind of life you'd build for yourself. you were not interested in hook up culture. committed relationships were made to sound like life imprisonment sentences. the titles didn't apply to you and especially him. what would being with toji even look like? once your little quinn project comes to an end, what then? would he grab the cash and bolt? would he stay? would he stay anyway?

the more you sat and thought about it, the more things blurred. you thought it best not to overthink it. he did tell you to not rush an answer. but you were not the most patient of all people. the one thing you disliked was how things get awkward every time someone confesses their feelings out of the blue and the other has to be the dealbreaker.

you decided to do the rest of the thinking at home. the city was twinkling with christmas lights and decorations. it was always a wonderful sight to see. it made you want to travel to a quaint countryside only to realise your long lost love for the holiday season and family values as you broke into song about reuniting with your childh-yes, that hallmark movie.

when you entered through the gate to your building, you spotted megumi near the postboxes. a very uncomfortable megumi... in the arms of a woman you'd never seen. she looked rich. fur coat, pradas, sunglasses that covered her whole face like a covid shield. megumi so didn't want to be held like that. your gaze fell on toji, who... drumroll... had the exact same expression as his kid. as you walked in that direction you could hear the conversation.

"he likes me, don't you think?" PLEASE that's what rich people sound like?

"just put him down," toji sighed.

"no, i'm gonna steal him!!!" she giggled, shoving her face into megumi. he flinched and pushed himself away from her.

"aww, he's so playful... toji, why don't you invite me over for a drink?"

megumi wiggled like a worm in her arms, trying to escape her grip. he twisted like a pretzel until she had to put him down. but she held onto his hand tightly. that didn't go unnoticed by toji who was growing angrier every passing minute.

"come on... it'll be fun," she sneered.

"i gotta look after my kid." that was all he said.

"i'm sure he won't mind... right meggy? you'll let daddy and i play for a while, right?" megumi tried to pry her hands off, but she tugged at him harshly.

suddenly, all the diarrhoea made sense. the blur cleared. your eyes narrowed as you observed the audacious scene unfolding before you. something in your head snapped and you took purposeful steps towards her, and offensive gaze locked, devoid of any remorse.

swatting her hand off of megumi's, you put the kid behind you protectively. in a millisecond, your hand swung with conscious thought, as you smashed the beer bottle on her head. the glass shattered on her scalp, cutting through the background noise like a warning shot.

"not. your. kid."

caught between shock and appreciation for your sudden defence, toji covered his curled mouth with his palm. he looked at megumi, who stood behind you, holding the ends of your jacket. the kid looked back at his father, smirking mischievously. toji turned his cackling laughter into an asthmatic cough.

the woman couldn't take a hint even when it hit her in the skull.

"who do you think you are?"

"how dare you hit me? do you know who i am?"

"i'm talking to you!!! hello!!!??"

you let her run her mouth. you weren't interested in what she had to say. you looked down at megumi. you could see the faint red strip that circled his wrist. you knew how manipulative it was to use toji's kid as a means to get to him. you already befell his threat. but you understood it all of a sudden.

the honest urge to protect your kid.

the woman eventually stomped and left, mouthing cuss words at passersby.

"so... care to explain what that was?" asked toji, folding his hands, looking at you with fascination.

"my answer," you said with a smile as you held megumi's little hand, rubbing the back of it with your thumb.

toji smirked proudly.

"what happened here?" asked the building watchman, who heard about the act of violence from others who witnessed it.

"nothing interesting,"

"they're saying you harassed a woman," he was quick to throw an accusing glance at toji.

"nonsense! just some personal drama," you interrupted. "that's the father, this is his son."

"and that's the unholy spirit..." toji mumbled to the guard, earning a death glare from you.

the three of you walked towards the elevator. you handed megumi the rice crackers you bought and he wasted no time in digging in. toji put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer as he whispered in your ear, "what does a fella like me have to do to see you smash another bottle again?"

"flirt with another woman and i'll gladly smash one on your head."

toji's deep chuckle vibrated in your ear.

megumi dragged you inside their house to show you his new sketches. he'd really outdone himself. he'd also made his father hang all the small drawings on the christmas tree they had in their living room. toji was glad that he'd found something to occupy himself with. not that he didn't want to spend time with the kid, but seeing him not get overly attached to a single parent relieved the giant weight on his shoulders.

"mmm! gumi, i have a gift for you."

megumi trotted to you like a puppy, eyes twinkling like stars.

"you're gonna spoil him."

"correct."

you gave him a cd. "i wrote you a song." megumi clutched the cd like a prized trophy. he opened the case and showed his father the cd. you'd chased down your producer's sales guy to put one of megumi's sketches as the cd cover.

"when did you even have time to do this?"

"last night. and today morning."

"you didn't sleep?"

you looked away from him, perfectly expecting a fatherly scolding. instead, toji just chortled. he left megumi to listen to your song on a loop as the two of you went to your apartment. (sorry megs, but this is a toji x y/n)

you closed the door, swearing that the hole where your doorknob used to be was getting bigger by each minute. not a moment later, toji had his arms wrapped around you, his mouth on yours. you dropped the grocery bags on the floor and threw your hands around his neck. bumping into nearly every piece of furniture along the way, you sauntered into your room, lips glued to each other. he kissed you like it was the last thing he could do in the world and you kissed him like it was the first thing you wanted to do before anything else.

"mmm... hold on," toji pulled away momentarily and said, "promise me one thing."

"what?"

"you don't disappear when shit hits the fan. you come talk to me."

you felt guilt churn inside you, recalling how you'd left toji and megumi to wonder what 'they' had done wrong to make you go distant.

you nodded. "i promise."

toji held you in his arms for a while, taking a look at your face. he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and you winced.

"ow! careful, i just got my ear pierced."

toji raised his eyebrows. he pushed your hair aside and saw a helix piercing, the edge of your ear pink and slightly swollen.

"that looks like it hurt."

"oh, it did."

"then why'd ya get it?"

"i always get piercings on my birthday."

"why?" toji honestly didn't understand this form of self-harm.

"what can i say, buddy, i love getting stabbed..." you said plainly, backing away and took your shoes off.

toji snorted a laugh at your comment. "masochist."

"aww, big man uses big words now..." you said, keeping your shoes under your bed. toji simply slapped your ass.

"sadist."

"by the way, i added some background noises to our recording. it sounds so good!"

"oh? let's hear it then," said toji, sitting down on your bed. he was glad to see you be your usual confident self. last night had him tensed with worry. even though he wasn't the source of your pain, he couldn't imagine how lonely you must've felt spending your birthday crying as life wickedly toasted to your parent's death, scarring the one day you were supposed to own with pride.

you made him listen to some excerpts, but ended up talking over them anyway, excitedly telling him how smartly you had edited some things. he just watched you with a small smile. whenever you turned to face him, his eyes fell on your piercing. he counted how many you had. nine. marking nine years of an anniversary nobody would want to remember like this. four piercings on each ear and one in your nose. did you really need the pain to validate your broken heart? did it make you feel like you deserved it?

he dismissed those thoughts from his head. it was your decision. and you bore it like an ornament, and not a scar. plus, he now that he fully took your face in, he couldn't deny hot incredibly hot those piercings looked on you. the thought of you sitting through that and showing off your piercings made his stomach flip. seriously, how much more hot could you get?

as if to answer his question, your recording played in his ear, some scene at a party with your characters failing to keep their hands to themselves. his voice blended with yours like the perfect duet. the way you spoke, changing your tone, pitch, hell, even your little laugh to suit your character made him feral. he wanted to hear you more. but not for some recording. he wanted to hear you for himself.

the moment the recording ended, toji pounced on you, grabbing your neck, careful not to hurt your ear as he kissed you roughly. you gasped, but melted on the spot. you liked where this was going anyway. toji moved his lips along yours, nibbling at you mouth. he let you catch a breath, before shoving his tongue inside, only for it to hitch again.

he pushed you into your bed, immediately hovering over you. he let his hands run up and down your legs. you hummed under his touch. he felt you shuffle underneath. he pulled away for a moment to watch you sneak your phone out of the pocket, finger pressed on a red dot.

"you wanna give your fans a show, baby?" he murmured.

"nuh uh, this is for me," you panted.

toji smirked. "gotta make this good then..." he peppered kiss on your neck, sucking on your skin. he could smell that god awful coconut perfume. to ease the weight his humongous body dumped on you, he shoved his knee between your legs, hoisting himself over you properly. you practically moaned in his mouth at the feeling of his knee rubbing against you. you had no idea what to do with your hands, so you just let them stay on your stomach lifelessly.

toji broke the kiss once more, chuckling at the whine that escaped from your mouth.

"so needy..." he growled, taking his shirt off with one hand. your jaw hung open as you took him in. the way he towered you even when sitting on his knees made him seem almost... monstrous.

toji only it thought it fair to get rid of your clothes too. he held your waist and pulled you to him, hoisting you on his lap. he took your jacket off, throwing it on the floor.

"be careful with the shirt. it's vivienne westwood."

"strip then."

slowly, taking the sweet time of your life, you pulled the shirt off, turning it right side up and neatly folded it, placing it at the far end of your bed.

"you done, sweetie?" he cooed in your ear.

"done."

"lovely. put your hands to use." he had you folded under him, back on the bed, kisses getting rougher, wetter, messier. you clawed at his shoulder, back, neck, chest, every part of him that you could touch. he licked a particular spot just under your ear that made you mewl in pleasure. like a vampire, toji bit your neck, causing you to moan softly.

his free hand unclasped your bra and tossed it away.

"would it kill you to not throw my clothes here and there?"

"thought you liked it violent, baby..." he murmured in your ear, biting a hickey on your neck. he kept switching between kissing your lips and sucking at your neck while he played with your tits, squeezing them, pinching them, kneading them like dough. he was right. they did fit in his hands perfectly. he latched his mouth onto one, making you squirm under him.

toji was absorbing your body. he felt bold; bold to take what he wanted from you. well, what he wanted was you. your body, your hips, your mouth, all of it. he wanted to show you just how desirable you were to him.

the hand that roamed your waist slowly trailed down your cargo pants. you didn't even realise when he took them off, but it was good anyway. less is more.

at an agonisingly slow pace, the tips of his fingers teased you over your panties. toji took a look at you, covered in his marks, lips pink and swollen.

he chuckled, "just how many of these stupid panties do you have?"

"I FUCKING KNEW IT. PANTY THIEF!" you smacked his abs.

"they're mine now," toji murmured as back away, spreading your legs apart with his hands, grabbing at your thighs. he kissed your inner thigh languorously making his way down to your wet cunt. he took your panties off, once more putting them back in his pockets. he dipped two of is fingers inside slowly, as if he was learning about your body. he watched your every reaction, every quiver, every hitched breath as he took his time and prepped you for himself. he curled his fingers at an optimal spot and like a cat on heat, you mewled and your legs shut tight around his hand.

"uh uh uh, i need these legs wide open, darling." he knew how much you liked it when he said that. when you didn't spread them, he smacked a hard slap on your hip, causing you to gasp and giggle as you did as directed.

"don't be a brat."

"or what?"

toji didn't retort. instead, he dove straight into your cunt, painting your insides with long strokes with his tongue. he paired it with his forefinger running up and down, inside and out, pushing against your clit. hearing you whimper and pant just made him want to tease you. recording all those dirty audios with you had him gain a mind in the game. like an illusionist, his hands disappeared and he pulled away, making you pine for him.

"toji fushiguro, i will smash a bottle on your head if you ever take your mouth off me like that again..." god, you sounded so sexy.

"ya know... it makes my dick hard when you talk to me like that."

you crunched forward and grabbed his hair, pulling him back to your pussy. toji chuckled, resuming eating you out like a man starved for days.

"oh i bet it does," you said breathlessly, throwing a few more slurred taunts his way. toji extended his free hand and shoved two of his fingers in your mouth.

"put that mouth to use, brat." he groaned in pleasure feeling your tongue swirl around his fingers, sucking them, gently biting them whenever he lapped at your cunt the right away. even with his fingers stuffed in your mouth, he could hear your muffled moans loudly. he sped his pace, slipping his fingers in and out of you, lapping at your core. he felt you clench and he took it as an open invitation to increase the pressure. you let out a long, stretched moan as you gushed all over his chin.

"is this what you ladies call girl dinner?" toji took his fingers out of you, licking them and tasting you, smacking his lips.

you laughed, throwing your head back.

"ugh, shut up."

"make me," you commented, practically waltzing into the man's next plan for you. toji's hand wrapped around your throat as he pulled you up as if you weight nothing. he got off the bed, standing in front of you as you were on all fours.

"gladly," toji slid his pants and boxers down, freeing his hard-as-a-rock girth.

"this isn't fair, toji," you cried at the size of it.

"i know, baby..." he gripped your chin with his fingers, nearly crushing your jaw. you looked up at him and seeing you on your knees for him lit a fire within him.

playfully you licked his wet lip like a kitten...

"cute. but that's not gonna cut it, sweetheart."

"i'll have you know i won the popsicle eating contest in my college..."

toji chuckled, holding his cock out to your face and smacked it against your lips. "gonna keep me waitin'?"

you took his head in your mouth, swirling your tongue around it, letting the tip run between the faint slit. you bobbed your head a few times, adjusting to his length and width. you'd be grateful to have a jaw left by the time you've sucked him dry. you took his length in your, stroking what you couldn't. you felt his cock twitch and pulsate in your mouth.

"god, you're doing so well..." toji reached forward, accidentally thrusting more of his dick in your mouth, making you whimper. he picked up your phone, which had been recording every lewd sound you made and he held it by his hip. "you sound so... fucking perfect, baby... gagging over my dick like that."

he pushed your hair aside, gripping it tightly as he pushed your head further in, moaning at how good it felt to have you take damn nearly all of him.

"fuck... shit.... s' good" toji let a buffet of grunts and moans spill out of his mouth. first, because he you took him that well, and second because he wanted you to get off to his voice, just like he did to yours. he began thrusting into your mouth faster, feeling his release creeping its way up. had he known how easy it was for him to come just by getting a quick blowjob, he'd have put more work into the foreplay. but fuck, he loved every damn moment of it. how your mouth was wet and warm, how your pointed tongue knew just where to lick, how your cheeks hollowed to pull him in.

"keep going, baby... i'm almost there," he panted, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back, hips moving at a brutal pace. his mind went to you eating a popsicle for some reason and he laughed, paving the way for a guttural moan that rumbled through his mouth as he came into your mouth. you closed your eyes, letting the uncomfortable feeling pass away as you managed to swallow the barrel full of cum he just shot into your mouth.

toji pulled out, feeling euphoric. he was completely obsessed with you. he wanted to take your right there. he wanted to be inside you. fuck, he wanted to see how loud you could get for him.

a knock on your main door and a small voice calling out to toji snapped you back to your senses.

"what a cockblock," toji sighed.

you threw a pillow at him. "that's your adorable birthday boy you're talking about!"

toji changed back into his clothes, refusing to give you your panties back, earning another pillow to his face. he looked at you to make sure you still didn't have second thoughts about him. but there you were, effortlessly moving around the room, picking up the pieces of clothing he'd tossed here and there. he loved how much fun you had doing all these things with him. it made the experience twice as much worth it.

you changed into your pyjamas and led toji out of your bedroom.

"does it say 'juicy' on your ass?" he said, reading the glittery text on your pants.

"ya bet it does," you smacked your own ass, proud of your sense of fashion, no matter how ridiculous it was.

"gonna fuck that ass someday."

"fix my door first." you peeked through the hole in your door, looking at the top of megumi's hair.

you opened the door to see megumi standing in his pyjamas, holding his demon dog, yawning.

"awww, sorry for keeping your dad for so long."

megumi yawned again, nodding.

"she sang a song for me too, you know..." said toji, picking up his sleepy kid, giving you a wink. you kicked his ass, making him stagger out of your house.

"good night."

"good night..." you smiled at the two.

ଘ(੭ˊᵕ��)੭* ੈ✩‧₊

TAGLIST: @kaininety2 @ruixrei @chicken-fifi @mrsfush1guro @szillx @queendessi24 @sillysillygoofygoose @shadowmoonlight0604

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I'm Late, I know

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Feb 2024 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 12fin - we waiting 2 weeks I guess? Bah.

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 13fin - I wasn't impressed by the last ep at all. Trash watch happened here.

My final thoughts:

Based on alittlebixth's omegaverse novel #พิษเบ๊บ’ set in the world of car racing omegaverse. Thailand brought us the world's first omegaverse BL but then failed to lean into the courage of its a/b/o convictions by not emphasizing the difference between our world & theirs, adding & subtracting characters & allegiances + a weak ending. With earnest performances, enthusiastic sex scenes, a fantastic side couple, and some delightful scenery chewing - the actors tried… poor things. It's just the story failed both them and their parent genre. Frankly? I just wanted it to be more outrageous and trashy, since I never expected it to be good. Instead, it was just… meh. 7/10

(Imma remind all the newbies that this is not unprecedented from me with hugely popular BL.)

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 10 of 12 - I like it but there’s a high % of this show that doesn’t interest me. Anything to do with the side couple, or the friend group, or the cooking competition drives me into a comatose state of UGH. That means that in this episode, I paid attention to about 5 minutes worth. 

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - I'm ready for this to be done. I think they were trying to be this year's Big Dragon, but they just aren't good enough. I really didn’t need a third couple.

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 2 of 12 - I'm warming up to FueangKrom a bit. It’s cute. I am finding the pacing interesting. That pacing might be bad, but right now it’s simply different. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) 5-6 of 8 - I still love this show a lot, but this 2 ep installment felt a little disjointed. I’m not sure if that’s the narrative structure or the subs. The captions are shockingly bad for a KBL and I don’t have enough Korean to make up for their clear failings. 

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - Oh the return of the manic pixie dream ex. This is all very high school drama for purportedly grown-up adults. But them both being jealous and then kissing was sweet.  

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - They remain adorable and the sunshine robot is very sweet. But it is a little slow. 

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 3 of 6 - I prefer the episodes when we get more of them onscreen together. But this was fine. 

Happy Ending (Korea Tues YT) 3fin - The ending disappointed me (are you surprised?). What can I say, not Strongberry's best as far as I’m concerned. High school besties that many could be sweethearts. I don’t like an ending that’s left up in the air. 6/10

It's Done but...

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam, it's on YouTube. I will give it a try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch.

It's Airing But...

[NO INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 12 eps - Gave me Luminous Solution vibes. It finished, is it worth it?

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) 12 eps - finished, horror, supposed to be very philosophical, I think I'll give it a go.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting Up

2/16 My Strawberry Film (Japan Gaga) - not quite sure how much BL this one is, because... Japan, but we shall see.

2/17 A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - Khonprot, a third-year head hazer of the engineering faculty, has a secret crush on Pluem, a tsundere fourth-year head hazer. Over the years, he's seen Pluem cycle through many girlfriends. Recently, after a public breakup, however, Khonprot thinks maybe a boy has a chance. Unless this is really good I probably won't I hate the WeTV interface...

Still Coming in Feb

2/24 Unknown (Taiwan Youku) 12 eps - Older brother tough guy criminal breadwinner looks after his sister and defacto adopted little brother. Little bother falls in love with him and is sent away after a stolen kiss. But when he comes back…

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

We gotta talk about LFLS this week. Look at Korea go!

Talking about a dead fish kiss, how meta! This will end up on one of my best of the year moments. I could not have been more gobsmacked.

Also something rarely directly addressed, particularly for same-sex firsts.

And then, a claiming trope, a personal favorite of mine.

Thank you Korea!

I just love them. (Pit Babe)

(Last week)

[burnthoneydrops]

The Sun and the Moon II (e.b. x original character)

synopsis: the first ball for two recently debuted girls reveals a familiar feeling for one.

requested: no

warnings: none

word count: 1.6k

a/n: heyyyy, anyone remember this from over a year ago? im so sorry for the delay, i really ran out of long writing motivation there for a hot second, but hopefully i'm back at it? i make absolutely no promises though

My right glove sags unceremoniously from my arm and as I go to adjust it for the millionth time, Aunt Moore tugs at the back of my dress. I quickly retract my arm back to my side as we step through the double doors of the conservatory Lady Danbury had secured for the evening. She seemed a most formidable lady indeed, from what Aunt Moore’s staff had told me,  but the gorgeous flowers hanging from the walls were not overtly intimidating. Hearing that she was sponsoring two girls also foreign to the ton had put me at ease this afternoon, as I hoped I might find some comfort in a group of those trying to learn. I would never suggest admitting that I am an outsider to Aunt Moore, but I fear my accent has already done that for me. 

“Lord Cabernathy, the oldest of his mother’s five children, hardly objectionable,” Aunt Moore has spotted her first victim standing against a floral column. 

“Being the eldest is the only requirement making one suitable for a wife? The bar seems incredibly low,” I reply, much to my aunt’s dismay. 

“Must you be difficult when we have only just walked in the room?” She mutters through gritted teeth as another mama and her daughter walk past us with odd looks in their eyes. She smiles and waves at them, looking at my sideways to ensure that I heard her. 

“Is there anyone else, with at least more admirable qualifications?” I offer. 

“Lord Landry, a fine young man whose family owns a renowned horse breeding farm in the country. Good standing, only child so due to inherit a large fortune when his parents pass”. 

“Ah yes, wishing death upon people your age, my favourite pastime”. 

“I am merely stating that he would have a sizable income to take care of you,” Aunt Moore sighs. 

“I suppose the horse farm would not be the most impossible thing,” I try to sympathise with her efforts, thinking back to my family at home. 

Aunt Moore turns to me, and for a second I think she is stooping to an apology, when there is suddenly one voice ringing above them. “This is the season the Viscount intends to find  a wife!” 

As if someone had thrown a pile of breadcrumbs in front of some incredibly competitive pigeons, a flock of young ladies swarm the location of the voice. Standing on the tops of my feet, I see a rather uncomfortable looking man with his mother at the other set of doors. I recognize the mother from the presentation, Lady Bridgerton. Before I have time to recount this thought to Aunt Moore, she is pushing me towards the flock. I attempt to delay the process by dragging my heels into the ground, but her will is stronger than my calves, so I lose the battle quite quickly. I am stuck at the back of the half circle, watching girls fling their dance cards in the Viscount’s face, hoping he would sign his name. I would believe that half of these girls even felt blessed that he breathed in their direction, but I have slightly more hope for humanity than that thought would allow. 

As the circle of girls starts to diminish, thanks to those who realise that nothing productive will come of this swarm, I am left standing in front of the Viscount with Aunt Moore watching me from her seemingly perched position against the column. “Lord Bridgerton, it is an honour,” I state, curtseying as best I could despite the slight wobble in my ankles. 

“It is an honour to meet you as well,” he replies, though I can tell he is looking to get away as quickly as possible. His mother seems to pick up on my identity quicker than her son, as I catch her eyeing me in my peripheral, followed by her mouth forming a soft ‘oh’ of recognition. 

“You must be Lady Moore’s charge for the season,” she verbalises her thoughts, and it is then that Lord Bridgerton actually looks at me. 

“Indeed I am Miss,” I nod. 

“Lovely to be formally introduced. I noticed you at the modiste and the presentation, but it’s wonderful to properly make your acquaintance,” Lady Bridgerton smiles at me as I stand back up, finally being able to look both of them in the eye. 

“Perhaps a dance, Miss Moore?” Lord Bridgerton proposes as his mother wraps a gentle arm around his elbow. 

“I would be delighted my Lord,” I reply, extending my dance card forward so he may sign it. 

“I shall see you then,” he gives a curt smile before departing, leaving his mother and I by the double doors. I look back over at Aunt Moore, who is smiling like I have never seen before, and I excuse myself to head back over to her. 

“Very good start, I must say,” she says and I cannot tell if she is more proud of me or herself. 

It is soon after this that Aunt Moore goes to fetch herself a refreshment, and I make my way to a more secluded corner of the dance floor, hoping to watch and possibly learn the dances I had to forgo in my training. Though Father was keen on teaching me all the dances he remembered from his days in the ton, there is only so much dancing one can do while also running a family business. There appears another single young lady standing among the crowd, so I try to make my way towards her. It is clear she is watching someone else on the dance floor, and by the looks of it, it is Lord Bridgerton and the not-so-spectacular dance he is currently leading. 

“That young lady will soon be marked off his list I fear,” I comment, partially out in the open and partially hoping she will hear me. 

“Lord Bridgerton indeed seems rather frustrated,” she replies, keeping her gaze forward. “Would you prefer it to be you on that dance floor instead?” she continues. 

“Oh, not notably so. Though my Aunt would have you believe I do, she'll tell anyone just about anything to have me wed before the end of the season”. I pause for laughter, and when I am the only one who partakes, I continue, “do you wish for his name to be on your dance card?” 

“I am merely observing for my sister. She seemed most interested in him from afar, so I decided I would watch from the sidelines”. 

“What a fulfilment of sisterly duty,” I reply as Lord Bridgerton drops the girl’s hands, nodding curtly before heading outside. 

“Excuse me,” the dark skinned girl departs from my side and I suddenly feel alone once again. 

I stand off to the side for as long as I can stand, letting a few songs play through, before I realise that the next song is in fact my dance with Lord Bridgerton. I suddenly feel guilty, as if I am betraying the conversation I had previously with the mysterious other girl, but quickly depart from the crowd nonetheless so I can find my forced dance partner. He enters back in from the double doors and I am about to turn back around on account of how aggravated he looks, but Aunt Moore has somehow found me before I am able to do it. With a few words of aggressive encouragement, I am back on my trail, stopping right before the Lord and reminding him of our dance. 

The ensemble begins playing once again as the Viscount takes my hands, leading me to the right side of the dance floor. I do not dare start the conversation, both in fear of his current emotional state and that I might run my mouth and have my aunt dragging me out of the ballroom by my earlobe. 

“Your aunt is watching you for the season?” The Viscount starts. 

“Yes, my Lord, my aunt has been gracious enough to sponsor my debut this season”. 

“And your family, did they accompany you?” 

“Unfortunately not, the rest of them stayed back home”.

“And home is…” he trails off. 

“The Irish countryside my Lord,” I reply, looking between him and my feet to make sure I do not trample his. 

“You must miss them,” he supplies more to the conversation, though looks displeased at my inability to multitask. 

“Terribly,” I add as he spins me outwards. 

At that moment, I feel as though all time has stopped. No longer with the fear that I might step on the Viscount’s toes, I am spinning around the highly decorated room, attempting to keep my gaze locked on a stationary object. It is her. My stationary object is the girl I saw at the modiste and the presentation. Eloise Bridgerton. She stands at the edge of the dance floor, actively avoiding her mother I assume, fiddling with her dance card. I do not know what has happened between when I saw her last and now, but I cannot help but notice how radiant she looks. My vision becomes hazy surrounding anything that is not her, as if I can focus on nothing else. She cannot possibly know she is having this effect on me, as she is simply standing there. I fear I might lose all the saliva in my mouth with the way my heart rate spikes, and just as quickly as the moment started, it is ending. 

The Viscount is grabbing my hand once again, spinning back into him before we resume our normal facing positions. I glance quickly over his shoulder as we rotate clockwise to see if I can catch Eloise again, but alas she has run off. He nods at me once our dance has finished and hurries off to find the next young lady he promised a dance to and I am left there stunned. 

All I know, Aunt Moore’s pushing might have been more helpful than I previously imagined.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Steve and Eddie were hanging out again, a thing that's been happening since Steve carried Eddie out of the Upside Down. Usually, it was Steve, Eddie, and Robin, but it was date night with Vicki, so it was just the two of them. Just like with Robin, Steve had no problem getting so close with Eddie, but with him, it was different because Steve had fallen madly in love with Eddie. He was planning on telling him tonight after dinner and the movie he had picked out, but there was a bit of a problem. Eddie had completely conked out on his shoulder, snoring and drooling away.

It was amazing how sweet Eddie looked when he was sleeping in Steve's arms. Steve didn't want to move, but he needed to go to the bathroom. He went upstairs and went to use the bathroom in the master bedroom, the one furthest from the living room. He had begun using that one since his parents had given him the house due to the fact that the bathtub was bigger and he loved taking baths. Not only did he need to use the bathroom, but he also needed to practice what he was going to say to Eddie. Why were his hands sweating all of a sudden?

"Steve?" Eddie called out when he had woken up and found Steve was gone.

Eddie was very confused and very worried. He couldn't find Steve anywhere in the house. He hadn't looked in the master bedroom, though. Steve had told him he didn't like going in there, so why would he be there? He headed towards the bedroom, and that's when he heard Steve’s voice. Eddie frowned and entered, but there was still no sign of him. That's when he saw the bathroom light was on. He moved forward and saw that it was slightly cracked. He peeked in the crack and saw Steve talking to himself in the mirror. Eddie shook his head. He shouldn't listen to this. It would be rude. He froze, however, when he heard his name.

"Okay, come you can do this, it's just Eddie. You can tell him. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? He would say no. . . Or, you could lose his friendship forever. Yeah, that sounds swell," Steve sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

Eddie grew even more concerned. What could be so bad that Steve would be worried that he would lose him?

"Okay, so here goes nothing. Eddie, I found out some things about myself. Something that you made me realize. Uh, I like girls, but I also like guys. I also really like your personality and your face, just the whole thing, really. Ugh, no, that's fucking stupid," Steve said. "Come on, Harrington, you're smoother than this."

Eddie grinned, hiding his face behind his hair. Steve was practicing what to say to him, Eddie Munson, about said feelings for said metalhead! Oh, he should really come out of hiding now, but he also wanted to hear what else Steve might say.

"Okay, this really shouldn't be this hard. Speaking of hard, whenever you wear those crop tops and when you put your hair up. . . Oh, baby, you make me super hard," Steve said and winked in the mirror. "Nope, nope! That's stupid, too!"

Eddie stuffed his fist into his mouth to stop the giggles from erupting. Okay, he really should come out now. Hah! Come out!

"Okay, Eddie. . .I'm a huge dork, and you're a huge dork. . .let's be dorks together," Steve said.

Okay, Eddie couldn't help himself. He burst through the door, causing it to bang loudly against the wall. Steve shrieked and clutched his hands to his chest.

"A thousand times yes, baby!" Eddie exclaimed. "Oh, shit, sorry. Are you okay?"

"You scared the fuck out of me?!" Steve asked. "Were you listening the entire time?!"

"I did say I was sorry. Holy shit, that's a huge bathtub," Eddie said, getting distracted.

"Yeah, wait, did you say yes?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, very much in love with you - oooh! Bubbles! Can we, Steve?"

Robin groaned as she walked through the door of Steve's house. Frowning, she grabbed a beer from the fridge and went to look for Steve.

"Steve! I opened my big fat mouth and said something stupid now she's mad at me!" Robin exclaimed. "Our first fight as a couple. I am both happy and sad. Stevie, where are you? Let's get drunk and be dinguses together. Steeevee???"

That's when she heard the sound of two male voices yelling. It sounded suspiciously like Steve and Eddie. Oh God, did those two finally figure things out? Was she about to walk in on the aftermath? Why was she still walking towards the sound? Because she is a dingus, that's why. Robin entered the master bedroom and could hear their voices more clearly.

" - YOU BURNED DOWN MY CROPS, EDDIE!" Steve yelled.

"I SAID I WAS SORRY. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I HAVE SINUS ISSUES!" Eddie exclaimed.

Robin burst through the bathroom door and gaped at the sight. Eddie and Steve were sitting in the tub, bubbles up to their chests, with a box of toys beside the bathtub. Steve was sporting a bubble beard while Eddie had a ring of them on his head like a halo. Steve was holding a little plastic toy man in his hand while Eddie held a large red dragon. They froze at the sight of Robin standing in the doorway.

"What the fuck?" Robin asked. "What are you doing?"

"Taking a bubble bath with my dorky boyfriend, what are you doing?" Steve asked with a scoff, and Eddie giggled.

"I had a fight with Vicki," she pouted.

"Aw, sit down. Tell Mommy and Daddy what happened," Eddie replied as he put the toy dragon down.

"I am NOT calling you guys that," Robin scoffed and sat down on the lid of the toilet, taking a sip of her beer and passing it to the guys. "So, anyways, we were talking about - wait. . .BOYFRIEND?!"

[ram-bam-writes]

Wisdom Teeth [Jake Seresin x NB Reader]

A/N: Per my parents recounting, when I got my wisdom teeth removed a few days ago, I cried in my bed because they couldn’t get paramount to play on my tv in my room. I wanted to see Glen Powell so badly that my parents had to dig around to find a charger for my computer so they could put it on… Twenty minutes later I have my laptop flat on my face while humming along to the soundtrack as the TGM plays… Ehehe :>

Summary: Jake’s partner gets all four wisdom teeth removed… Chaos ensues…  Based on personal experiences and made up ones. You guess which are which :>

CW: Wisdom teeth extraction, mentions of medical fears, mentions of blood, reader is suffering, Jake is being a little shit, hurt/comfort, no beta we die like goose, etc [The first part is the actual incident, which goes over fears and hinted past medical trauma, but the rest is lovely (irritating) banter between Jake and his lover. Blue will be everything to do with the angst if you wanna skip past it]

Word Count: 3206

“Honey…” Jake purrs, gently patting your arm in the middle of the waiting room. “Take a breath.”

It’d been several grueling minutes of staring at the clock on the pale wall of the oral surgeon’s office, foot tapping impatiently on the floor as you wait in fear for the extraction. You didn’t want your wisdom teeth out — you’d heard horror stories online. But they caused plenty of migraines and ear pain, and you absolutely needed them out when the bottom teeth grew in with cavities.

That, you decided, wasn’t fair to you at all.

But, alas, it pushed you to get them out. And the dentists advised to get all four out at once, since the top ones were also impacted. So it only made sense to get it all done in one fast sweep.

“Honey.” Jake says a little more firmly, gently grasping your hands. You blink up at him, eyes widened. “Sorry…” “Talk to me, hun. What’s up? They’ve done this a thousand times.” He points at the office wall. “And this is where I got my teeth out. You’re gonna be okay. They’re amazing.” As you tap your feet on the floor, you try not to think of the story your older brother had told you. He’d gotten his ripped out in the Navy, and they had him on not enough local anesthetics and, unfortunately, felt them ripping out his teeth one by one. Your biggest fear became feeling the pain or waking up in the middle of the surgery. 

“I know, I know…” Your hand squeezes his. You didn’t want to be afraid, but you’d woken up before, and your brother certainly didn’t help. He’d tried to — that’s why he told you his story. He was trying to express that he only went through that because, well, Navy. You wouldn’t deal with it. But that didn’t help.

“I’ll be right here every step of the way…” He promises, offering a reassuring smile.

The door besides the office opens, a blond haired dental assistant leaning out of it. “Seresin?”

You inhale shakily, standing up. Your partner quickly follows you, ushering you inside. They both get you situated into the white room, a set of crazy equipment set up in the middle of the room. The dental assistant sits you in a chair, then proceeds to hook you up to an EKG.

“Mmm…” Jake lets out a low purr as your shirt is lifted to attach the stickers. “You look good…”

As much as you want to glare or blush, your nerves take over. The EKG begins to read your heart beat, following the pulses and patterns effortlessly. But that sound…

Warmth blooms on your thigh as Jake runs a hand across your skin. His green eyes swirl with concern, smiling weakly at you. “Breathe.”

After signing a few too many agreements to acknowledge that you’re aware that tons of shit can go wrong in the healing process and that it won’t be the dental office’s fault, you’re situated more comfortably in the chair.

More comfortably? Maybe less so, given they escort your partner out all too quickly. Jake gives you one last kiss to the forehead, just between your brows, and slips out of the room reluctantly. 

The actual oral surgeon walks into the room, his smile friendly. He begins to talk to you about what you do. School, work, both? As you answer each question, he sets up the IV, admittedly a little rough on your right arm. He apologizes, unable to get the IV set up properly, resulting in him going to the left arm. 

As you attempt to keep your wits about yourself, the room swirls around you. “It’s… fine… I’ve had it in my-my hand once…”

When you attempt to explain the story of your hand IV incident, several pairs of hands begin touching your body. One around your neck, two around your legs, and two on each arm. Something is pressed against your nose, something choking your throat. The EKG is loud as it beeps, signaling your tachycardic state.

So you thrash. You thrash and thrash — they wanted to hurt you. With wild eyes, you frantically search around the room for anyone you can recognize, but it’s just several masked medical personnel. It isn’t until the oral surgeon pulls down his blue mask that you see a slightly familiar face, finally easing your breathing.

“That’s it…” The oral surgeon praises. “You passed out on us for a second… but it’s okay… you’re doing fine… you’re okay now…”

“I’m-I’m sor-so-sorry…” Tears slip down your cheeks as the oral surgeon rubs your arm to ease your mind. You can feel the soft hands of a sweet, younger dental assistant running through your hair, smiling gently down at you behind her mask.

“Don’t be… you’re doing just fine. We’re gonna give you the anesthetics, and it’ll be over before you know it…”

A sob shakes your body. “Please don’t let me wake up.”

“I won’t let you. It’ll be the best nap of your life…”

———

“The denshist was sho cute…”

A soft laugh resonates around you, but you can’t quite make out where you’re at or who you’re with.

“Yeah?”

“Yeash... the denshist was shuper cute…”

“Okay, hun..."

"Sho cute."

"Hun."

———

“Javy, can you help me bring them in the house?”

You knew that name. You knew that voice! People!

“That’s my boyfrieeeend!” You suddenly shout, leaning against Javy, incapable of standing on your own. You beam a bloody smile at the blond pilot standing across you, his arms held out in case you tumble. “That’s myyyyy boyfriend!”

“Jayyyy thasss my boyfrienddd!”

“I know.”

“My boyfrieeeend!”

“Y-yes!” Javy holds you tight, attempting to not drop you while he cackles.

“Boyfriend!”

———

You blink up at your boyfriend in a daze, Jake’s sweet smile staring down at you. He hands you a black table bell, one you had gotten him a few months prior. It reads: “If you hear this bell, bring me a beer.”

“Here, hun. Ring this when you need something from Javy, okay?” He pats your head lovingly. “I need to pick up your meds from the Pharmacy.”

He should have known better. Objectively, he should have known. You’re drugged! How can you not ring the bell seventy-million times in a row the moment you’re handed it?

“Hun.” A bright grin spreads across his face, his laugh warm as it swirls around you. “Don’t make me take it away, darlin’.”

The ringing stops. 

“Thank you.” He kisses your forehead as you set the bell next to your bed, eyes glimmering as you stare at the oh-so-tempting piece of metal. 

———

There’s a warm glow from the curtains as the sun slowly lowers behind the horizon line. Wind blows from the open window, the breeze comforting against your cold, sore body. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think it was a normal morning after a good night with your partner.

And then the pain strikes. A thin set of lines in the four corners of your jaw are stinging. Jake, always a master of knowing your pain, rounds the corner to the open bedroom door.

“Ow…” You groan out, gauze stuffed in your cheeks. “Why…”

His calloused hands reach out and caress your neck. He doesn’t dare to touch your jaw, not in your current state. That’s a recipe for disaster he isn’t keen on making, actually. “Take it easy… you’re still pretty high on narcotics…”

“Ugh…” For some reason, your whole body aches something bad. It’s like you got hit by a truck. “Drugs…”

“Yes,” he laughs sweetly at you as he helps you sit up properly. “Yes, drugs. Good ones, too. Red caps, orange bottles. Good stuff.”

“Opioids…”

“Don’t talk much… the clots are still healing.” Jake gently wipes at the corner of your mouth with a wet cloth, removing the excess blood from your skin.

Is that why there’s so much gauze in your mouth?

“Let’s get you some new gauze, okay?” His strong arms help you stand upright as you lean most of your weight against him. An arm snakes around your waist, his lips pressing against the side of your head. “I’ve got ya…”

He leads you to the roomy kitchen, setting you onto the countertop. You instinctively spit out the gauze, something he laughs at. 

“Hun… unsanitary.” He earns himself a glare from you as he wanders to the sink. “I’ve got new gauze right here. Throw these ones in the trash, copy?”

“Floor.”

“Trash.”

“Floor.”

“Trash.“

“Floo-“He decides to interrupt you by pressing a rolled pad of gauze against your lips. Not hard, not at all. But enough to shut your drug-addled self up.

“Now bite down and quit bein’ a brat.”

You do as you’re told, mostly because your jaw is actually beginning to hurt from speaking so much. And when he hands you the good pills, the ones you know are gonna help fix most of those pains, you eagerly attempt to swallow them down with water.

“Babe-“ Jake inhales, immediately bursting out into laughter when the pill dissolves on your tongue, your mouth not quite working properly.

When your face twists in disgust as you try to swallow the dissolving pill, your partner’s fingers quickly grab the pill. He holds it in his palm, saving you from the horrendous taste. Down the length of your chin and neck is a long stream of wetness, none of the water that you had taken a sip of making it down the inside of your throat. 

“Alright, messy little thing, let’s try that again, hm?” He hands you a fresh pill this time, hand manually tilting your head back. “Once more, baby…”

———

Food.

You crave food.

Sustenance.

A soft knock echos on the door to your shared bedroom, Jake stepping inside with a paper bag. “I’ve got food!”

The speed at which you sit up is concurrent with the pure hunger your body feels. Jake can only laugh when your eyes, large and focused, stare at the bag of food, your nose working to figure out what food he has for you. Jake sits down on the bed next to you, gently pulling out small round containers of food. One large one, one small one.

“Doc says you can have mashed potatoes and gr-“ Maybe he should have expected you to snatch the container eagerly, drool slipping past your lips.

You were finally allowed to take out the bloody gauze pads, the clots beginning to heal. Not enough to eat normal foods again, but fuck if these potatoes didn’t smell like heaven.

“Just go slow, darlin’.” Jake helps pour the gravy into the mashed potato container and hands you a spoon. “Don’t want you poppin’ a stitch just yet.”

As you eagerly scoop up the first bite of savory mashed potatoes, you run into your first problem. 

You can’t open your mouth wide enough. To fit. The spoon.

The spoon clatters against your teeth, and Jake silently thanks the gods it was just a plastic spoon. And when you pout, letting out a strangled whine, he laughs so sweetly as he cups your jaw. 

“Struggling to fit that, darlin’?” He teases, eyes twinkling with mischief. “Here, let’s get you somethin’… smaller.”

He digs around the paper bag, this time pulling out a plastic fork. After scooping up some room-temperature mashed potatoes, he gently feeds it through the small gap between your jaws that you can manage. 

“Fuck…” You groan, the taste on your tongue pure bliss. Had mashed potatoes always tasted this good?

Jake laughs at your sounds. The way your eyes flutter and weakened smile forms has his heart thrumming right out of his chest. You’re his baby, and he loves every second of it.

“That’s it, hun. There’s plenty more where that came from.” He feeds you another spoonful. “Nice and easy. Swallow all of it, darlin’. No spitting.”

… Did he really just…?

You deadpan your lover, a bit of mashed taters still coating your lips which slightly dulls the intended effect.

Oh, the laugh he lets out is a boisterous one. Grabbing you a tissue and gently wiping your lips, he offers a cheeky smile. “Can’t help it darlin’. This is who you chose.”

“You’re so lucky you’re spoon feeding me.”

“Fork feeding.”

———

Day two of the recovery period goes a bit better. Since the mashed potatoes yesterday, you’ve been able to have really really mashed egg salad, cold ramen with cut up noodles, more mashed potatoes, and even room-temperature tofu. With the opioids you’re on, you can’t quite get the average hunger cues, which is probably in your best interest given the nutrients you’ve been living off of consist only of mashed potatoes, yogurt, and chicken broth.

Javy has come to visit, since Jake had a few errands to run and was never gonna let you stay by yourself. You’d known Javy probably longer than you knew Jake. He’s a close friend of yours, especially given that he’s the reason you and Jake got together. 

“Javy…” You whine out, leaning dramatically on his lap. “Will you please get me more food…? Jake’s killing me!”

The man in question pats your head, his eyes never leaving the TV in front of him. “Nope. Jake has you on the diet you need to be on.”

If it weren’t for him being your friend, you’d have smacked him a lot harder. But maybe, just maybe, you could complain long enough and get some pancakes out of him. The sweetness of syrup and carbs sounds so damn appealing that your stomach growls in need.

“I can’t take it anymore! Please! I just want pancakes!”

“Sorry, love.” Javy points over to the bowl of yogurt on the coffee table. “Not yet. You can have pancakes on day four.”

“Did he leave you a list?” “Of course he left me a list.” Javy offers you his phone, seeing the frantic, detailed texts from your partner. “Several.”

As mad as you want to be, your heart warms with how much your boyfriend does to keep you healthy and well. Without him, you’d probably have already popped several stitches.

“Oh, and, out of curiosity.” Javy tilts his head to look down at you, gently placing the bag of frozen corn on your cheek once more. “Do you remember anything about the oral surgeon?”

You blink.

“What?”

Javy grins. “The dentist that took out your teeth. Do you remember anything about him?”

“Um… he calmed me down when I freaked out.” You wrack your brain trying to think of anything else. “But… not really.”

“How cute is he?”

“WHAT?” You wince from the sudden shout, your stitches not very happy with you. “How-how what is he?”

Javy’s smirk turns into a full blown grin, his laugh echoing in the small living room. “You don’t remember? You wouldn’t shut up on the drive home how cute the dentist was! I think you told Jake like, eight times in ten minutes!”

Your cheeks burn, eyes wide as you swallow thickly. Had you really? 

“Jake was having a blast. You were so head over heels for the dentist you actually cried when we left. And then, as if the dentist never existed, the moment I pulled you out of Jake’s truck, you refused to shut up about him being your boyfriend.”

He pats your head affectionately. “You were hanging off of me and makin’ grabby hands at him. I’d never seen Jake so in love.”

Javy laughs when you hide your face with your hands, whining with embarrassment at the story.

“And that’s before the photo incident.”

“The w h a t?”

Maybe you shouldn’t ask.

“The photo incident, darlin’.” Jake’s voice carries across the room, shutting the screen door behind him with several bags in his hand. “I came back from the Pharmacy that day to find you layin’ flat on yer back with a photo of me n’ rooster stuck on yer face. Javy say’s you cried when I left, but a photo sufficed.”

He sets down the bags in the kitchen, leaning against the door to the living room with a lazy grin. “You okay there, sugartits?”

“No!” You hide your face once again. 

“Oh, don’t be that way.” Javy waves his hands. “Jakey here cried himself sick when he got his teeth out because his cat walked away to go eat.”

It’s your partner’s turn to becomes flustered, his golden cheeks tinting red. Jake points at his best friend, eyes narrowed. “To the grave. That was. To the grave.”

Your hands quickly fly up to press against your mouth, less to suppress you hysterical giggles and more to keep your mouth from stretching too much. Javy stands and gently moves you aside on the couch, grinning all to mischievously. 

“That’s my cue to leave-“ Javy gives the two of you finger guns, walking towards the door. “I’ll have the missus bring some shakes over later tonight, ‘kay?”

You sight, flopping back down onto the couch.

“Pancakes?”

Jake’s lips press right up against your forehead, his tone loving and affectionate. “No, little chipmunk.”

“I’m not that swollen!”

———

With day three rolling around all too slowly, Jake takes the time to cuddle you endlessly on the couch. He did his morning run, workout, and shower routine early, wanting to give you as much attention for the day as he can. 

While you pain is bearable, every few words you’d speak would be met with a sudden jolt of pain to your gums, right where the stitches had been. 

Thankfully, you had Jake to nuzzle into, his breathing light and easy as random movies play on the TV. His hands stroke your scalp, lovingly giving your waist squeezes every now and again. He’d gotten pretty good at recognizing your pain cues, especially the sudden sharp ones.

“Need some ice cream, hun?” Jake begins to sit up, but you tug him down.

“Mac. And. Cheese.”

He blinks. “W-what?”

“Macaroni. And cheese.”

“It’s… It’s not even ten…” 

Instead of responding, you let your eyes bore into his, the intensity and need for Mac and cheese shining through. 

“You’re like pregnant lady…” Jake shakes his head with a laugh, standing up and walking to the pantry. “You want the weirdest things…”

You flop against the couch once more when you hear the box of dried macaroni rattle in his hands, happy hums slipping past your lips. 

And then you hear it.

Crunch.

Your body immediately perks up, eyes narrowing in on the culprit and the crime. “What are you eating?”

“Chips.” Jake makes a show of shoving a large tortilla chip in his mouth, crunching on it loudly. “Wan’ some?”

You could punch the motherfucker for that.

He smirks as you stand up and round the kitchen counter. “Aw, wait, I just ‘membered…”

“You asshat!” You shout, giving him a good shove as you take the box of pasta out of his hands. “Go eat your chips in the garage.”

“Hun-“

“Nope! You’re being exiled! Exiled.” Jake laughs as you swat at him, raising his arms in mock defense. “Go! Get!”

This is gonna be one hell of a long, annoying, irritating recovery.

And you’re gonna hate love every second of it.

A/N pt2: Lemme know if you want another part as time goes along with my healing and how I imagine Jakey would deal with it as time goes on :>

[irb-pascalito-99]

Text you Later

Pairing: Joel x f!reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Summary: Joel calls while at work for some lunch time shenanigans.

Warnings: phone sex, masturbation, pictures, dirty talk, praise, semi public sex

A/N: This is an excerpt from chapter twelve of my ongoing fic Always an Angel, Never a God to read more visit A03.

I try to ignore the buzz of my phone in my back pocket as I carry my end of the armoire. Bill huffs when I adjust the piece of furniture in my arms. Once we’re in position we put the legs down carefully.

I automatically pull out my phone to check my texts once my hands are free. A smile spreads across my face when I see it’s Joel again.

Joel: Meet up for lunch?

I bite my lip and look up at Bill who has continued to walk around the store adjusting other items. I lean my hip against the armoire as I type out my reply.

Me: Can’t :( leaving early today for Ellie’s appointment

Frank appears over my shoulder as I press send. I jump as he attempts to glance at the screen.

“Who you texting?” He asks with a sly smile. I shove the phone back in my pocket. I shrug in response and walk toward the front counter. “A man?”

“No Frank,” I lie. “It was just Maria asking if we could hang out tonight.”

The look on his face says he clearly doesn’t believe me. I ignore the next buzz from my phone, and the one that comes immediately after.

“Okay then…” Frank says. “Well I just wanted to see if you wanted this desk we just got in. I know you mentioned wanting to get something Ellie can use in that room.”

Ellie and I agreed to change our parents’ room to an art space the two of us can use. We’ve already packed all the stuff that remains there in boxes. Joel helped put them in the attic for safekeeping. Tomorrow everyone is coming over to help move the furniture out and paint the walls

I follow Frank to the back of the store where we keep the inventory before we put it out. While his back is turned to me I quickly pull out my phone to respond to Joel.

Joel: But I miss you…

Joel: Can we call at least?

Me: Give me like 15 minutes ;)

I throw my phone back in my pocket as Frank stops in front of an old writer’s desk. I run my hand along the cherry stained wood. It’s in great condition, probably worth a decent amount of money.

There’s a lot of drawers as well. I open a couple, they seem decently deep so Ellie could probably store a decent amount of supplies in it. She’s been getting really into sketching lately so a place where she could sit and draw would be really nice.

“How much do you want for it?” I ask.

“Don’t worry about it,” I turn to Frank as he waves his hand. I give him a frustrated look, while I appreciate his generosity it doesn’t feel right to constantly like Frank and Bill take care of me. I don’t want to be their charity case, but Frank won’t hear it. “Think of it as me supporting local artists. You can pay us back with a painting or have Ellie draw something.”

“I’m sure Bill would love whatever she draws of him,” I joke. Frank laughs. I run my hand over the wood again. It would really mean a lot for Ellie to have her own dedicated space in the room.

I let out an exasperated sigh. Frank grins as I concede. He pulls a SOLD sign out of his back pocket and puts it on top of the desk.

“I’ll have Bill load it up when we come over tomorrow.” He says.

He wraps an arm around me while we walk back up front. I feel my phone buzz again. Frank must hear the sound of the vibration because he looks at me amusedly.

“Maria again?” I shrug and walk around the counter to keep myself busy until I can find an excuse to go somewhere private and talk to Joel. “Girl can’t seem to get enough today, you’ve been glued to that phone all morning.”

“It’s probably that contractor guy,” Bill grumbles from across the room. I snap my head to him, trying to keep the blush off my cheeks. “The one she’s all goo-goo eyes for.”

So much for not blushing. I try to hide my burning face from view of Bill and Frank. I feel like a child caught crushing on the popular boy at school.

“Ahh yeah, Joel right?” Frank says. He turns back to me. “Is he coming to help tomorrow?”

“Joel? I think so. I know Maria said Tommy’s coming to help out with the muscle so I’d imagine Joel would be there too.” I try to act casual, but my voice comes out slightly higher than normal.

“Hmm, yeah we know that one has some muscle,” Frank says. I blush even more, just barely managing to stop myself from dropping my jaw at Frank’s comment.

“Sounds like you’re the one with the crush, Frank.” Frank laughs.

“Just making an observation,” he chides. “I think you could use a man like that…”

“Stop,” I beg. I hide my face in my hands. Frank laughs. Bill walks over to help a customer who just walked in while Frank pats me on the shoulder. “I’m taking a break.”

Frank shakes his head, still laughing. I walk toward the back of the shop. I take one more look over my shoulder before I disappear into the backroom.

I make my way to the bathroom and pull out my phone. I lean against the bathroom wall as I call Joel. He answers almost immediately.

“Someone’s needy today,” I joke. I make sure to keep my voice down so anyone who is outside of the bathroom door can’t hear.

“Babygirl, you have no idea.” I shudder at his nickname for me. His voice is deep with a sultry thickness pouring out like molasses. “I can’t stop thinking about you. Haven’t seen you all week, it’s killing me.”

“I know,” I respond. I half whisper into the phone. “I’m sorry, I miss you too. It’s just been crazy with work and Ellie. Getting Ellie caught up with classes has been rough. Turns out I’m really bad at math…”

“Darlin’ why are you whisperin’?” Joel asks.

“I’m in the bathroom at the shop. I don’t want Bill and Frank to hear me, they’ve already been making jokes about me crushing on you. I don't need them to hear anything else.” Joel laughs on the other end. “Stop that, it’s not funny!”

“Sorry sweetheart, but it kinda is.” I roll my eyes. “So you’re crushing on me huh?”

“Shut up,” I grumble. Joel laughs again and then the line goes silent.

“So…what are you wearing?”

“Oh, so it’s one of those phone calls. You’re really over there making fun of me while you’re waiting for me to help you get off?” I tease.

“Well I was going to pick you up and fuck you on a back road in my truck somewhere, but someone couldn’t get away from work.” I whimper at the thought.

It has been getting increasingly harder to sneak around these days. I’ve had to put so much focus on Ellie in order to prove to Marlene that things are solid with us. Joel has been extremely understanding, and my relationship with Ellie has never been better, but it’s been frustrating not to have alone time with him.

“You like that huh? Want to ride my cock in the front seat of my car, naughty girl.” I feel my pussy start to drip at his words. Fuck, I need him. “Go on, tell me what you’re wearing princess.”

“I can send you a picture…” I say. I smile when I hear Joel groan.

I position myself in front of the mirror and adjust my clothes a bit. I pull my neckline down a bit to show off more of my breasts. I turn to the side slightly so he can see the curve of my ass and then hook my thumb in the top of my jeans and pull them down just enough that he can see the top of my lacy black panties.

I take a couple pictures until I get one that I really like and send it over to him. I hear him moan when I pull the phone back to my ear, and then the sound of his belt clinking as he undoes it.

“Another baby, please. Let me see you.” I go back to the door and crack it open for a second. I don’t see anyone outside so I close it and lock the door.

I walk back to the mirror, setting the phone on the counter for a second, and take off my shirt. I push my jeans off as well and stand in front of the mirror wearing only my bra and underwear. I should be embarrassed doing this in the store bathroom, but a rush if adrenaline pumps through my veins as I position myself in front of the mirror. I nice one hand down, ghosting the lips of my pussy on the outside of my panties. I bite my lip and throw my head back, taking the picture and immediately sending it to Joel.

“Fuckk baby, so pretty for me.” I moan quietly at his praise. “Touch yourself gorgeous. Touch that pretty pussy for me. I want to hear you.”

I lean against the wall again and snake my fingers inside my underwear. I run them through my soaking folds, my underwear drenched as I hear the faint slapping sound of Joel’s fist moving up and down his cock.

“Oh Joel, I’m so wet for you,” I moan, making sure to keep my voice down.

Joel groans and a shiver runs down my spine. I dip two fingers inside my hole, my thumb starting to make circle motions. I whimper into the phone as I start to pump my fingers in and out. I try to match my pace to the sounds of Joel jacking off on the other end of the line. He moans loudly at my noises.

“Tell me what you’re doin’ right now sugar. What’s makin’ you make those sweet little noises?” He starts to pick up his pace, panting into the phone desperately.

“I’m touching myself.” I huff. “I got…got two fingers inside… wish it was your fingers, or your cock. Fuck, Joel wish you were splitting me open right now.”

Joel groans again, the sounds of him pumping himself getting louder.

“God, babygirl fuck. I wish I was there too.” I speed up my fingers, my climax building as he goes on. “Wish it was your pussy clenching around my cock right now instead of my hand. Got me fuckin’ jackin’ off in a goddamn parking lot, that’s what you do to me.”

I moan, a little louder than I probably should have. I move the phone to rest between my face and shoulder so I can cover my mouth as my other hand continues to move underneath my panties. I close my eyes and picture him in his truck outside his job site, thrusting his cock into his hands with his phone to his ear.

“Can anyone see you?” I ask. Joel chuckles darkly at my question.

“I don’t think so, not right now,” he grunts into the phone again. “Why gorgeous? That get you off? You like the idea of me gettin’ caught fuckin’ my fist to the thought of you?”

My stomach tightness and I moan again. I’m so close. So fucking close.

“Yeah, I think it does.” His words send another wave of pleasure through me. I’m right on the edge. “I think you like what you do to me. Think you like how desperate you make me, can’t stop thinkin’ of that pussy all goddamn week. You gettin’ close baby?”

“Yes, god yes, Joel please don’t stop.” Joel groans again.

“That’s it darlin’, I’m almost there too. Come for me babygirl. Come for me.”

I keep pumping my fingers in and out of my pussy until I’m finally pushed over the edge, panting and moaning around my other hand as I try to muffle my noises.

It doesn’t take long for Joel to follow. His groans sound more animal than human as I hear him pump his cock a couple more times and then stop. We both pant into the phone as we come down.

After my heart slows down I walk back to my discarded shirt and jeans on the floor and put them back on. I hear Joel’s belt clink again on the other line as well.

“I’ll be seeing you tomorrow then?” Joel asks as I straighten my shirt in the mirror.

“Yes, but remember it’s going to be a full house so you need to behave,” I remind him. He scoffs at my remark.

“Darlin’ I’m nothing if not a gentleman,” I chuckle at his remark.

“Would a gentleman jack himself off in a parking lot in the middle of the day?” I ask.

“You got me there,” he laughs. “But I’ll do my best to keep my hands to myself tomorrow, no matter how hard it’ll be after not seein’ ya for so long.”

I smile sheepishly, giddy at the thought of him having missed me so much after just a week.

“Thank you, I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” Joel agrees and we say our goodbyes. I wash my hands before heading back out to the front of the shop.

To read more visit A03

[somegirlsmakemenervous]

  “Ladies and fellow teachers: we have an epidemic on our hands affecting our young boys and we have to act. I have a growing number of boys in my classroom that are exhibiting signs of weakness and are unable to control themselves. Just the other day I was asking one of my male students a simple question. He opened his mouth to speak, but all he could get out was an accidental release of cum in his underwear. All the girls laughed at him and he was obviously embarrassed about the growing wet spot in his pants. And today all I did was pick up a piece of chalk that I dropped and I swear at least half the boys ran to the bathroom after that.

   The boys also can’t seem to utilize their bladder muscles very well. A lot of them are handing the hall pass back to me in tears because they didn’t make it in time, they wet their pants. I hypothesize that this is nothing less than evolution. Since the beginning of time, men have been on top, but now women are becoming stronger and more powerful than ever. Natures way of balancing this of course is making boys weaker than ever.

   I suggest something simple… They are weak in the pants… so let’s put a diaper in their pants. A soft thick diaper placed firmly between their legs is what is going to give these struggling boys the protection and confidence they need to face their day. So whether it’s an accidental release of premature cum or the urge to pee, they can depend on their diapers to soak up what they’re not strong enough to hold onto. I recommend that we put a supply of diapers in all the boy’s restrooms and locker rooms. I also suggest we mail letters home urging parents to supply their boys with diapers at home as well. The bottom line here is women are taking over the world while men are peeing in their Pampers. We as women don’t have to be heartless about it, we can change a few wet diapers as we usher in an era of diaper dependent boys and alpha females”

    Originally from Bust-in-my-pants. Sadly can’t find the original.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi Sex witch, I'm almost 26, afab agender, and I have been trying to have sex for some time but the idea of being on the receiving end of things makes my heart go into a frenzy. I'm more than happy to show my date a great time, but only as a giver. I used to have panic attacks when I dated men. The first woman I got in bed with wanted a lavishly feminine night, with both of us in dresses and her dominating me after a little roleplay of the reverse, which resulted in a screaming breakup because she said I needed therapy before sex if I was expecting fixed positions "like men" in a lesbian relationship. This was of course, before I came out as agender. I'm dating someone very sweet and I want to move forward, but I'm scared of freaking her out or freaking myself out.

I've never had any kind of trauma, unless you count the years of gender dysphoria, but my parents are extremely supportive and my sister even moreso. It's all just me, getting the sudden pang of remixed dysphoria and identity crisis when I'm put in the position where I'll have to accept whatever the other person does to me, even after we've discussed things beforehand. I'm really not having a good time, especially on tumblr where everyone expects the recipient experience to be universal. Is it internalized misogyny at play?

hi anon,

I'm really sorry for the difficulty you've had, and especially the catastrophically uncool response you got from the first woman you hooked up with. if I may be so bold, that's a wildly inappropriate response to finding out that a partner doesn't want to get fucked. taking turns is all fine and well, but if you're worried about enforcing violent patriarchy in the bedroom then surely you shouldn't be screaming at someone for expressing a boundary?

look, anon: I think you're just a stone top. you're down to clown with getting your partners off but don't want to anyone touching you, and that's fine. awesome, even! there's long and noble history of stone tops, pillars of the community. it is literally just another type of sexual preference, and while it may not be compatible with the way every potential partner likes to have sex, it's certainly not a sign of anything wrong with you that needs to be unpacked or pathologized.

I don't see why this would freak your partner out; it's just something to talk about before you have sex. a lot of hurt and misunderstanding can be avoided by just talking through your wants and expectations before sex, ESPECIALLY when there's a Hard No at play like this. talk about what's off the table for you, but also what you DO like and want to do with your partner! boundaries don't take the fun out of sex, they teach you how to make it a better time for everyone, and any potential sexual partner who sees setting expectations for sex as a bad thing is someone who needs to be taken off of the "potential partner" list immediately.

lastly no, it's not misogyny to not want to bottom. there is no moral component to sexual proclivities, especially not in this case.

[narcissarina]

𝔊𝔬𝔩𝔡𝔢𝔫 ℭ𝔞𝔤𝔢, 𝔅𝔩𝔲𝔢 𝔅𝔬𝔫𝔡𝔰

જ⁀➴Previous chapter

Pairings: bodyguard!Leon × college billionaire!reader

Word count: 2,948

Tw: suggestive, mentions of trauma(?), chase play

Summary: after last nights incident, you came to Leon’s meeting and met everyone and got to the training room. He helps you train.

𝙸𝚅.

You woke up, in a different clothing and staring blankly to Leon. He wore a black polo, red tie and some black jeans. He was leaning against your wall, beside the doorframe and his arms were folded.

Leon just told you about last night, you were crying and hitting your pillow repeatedly until you calm down then finally bore your eyes to Leon. “Are you done, princess?” he asked, stepping forward then sit on the edge, his hand supporting his weight when he leans, you nodded and flop nod face first.

“It’s not your fault, don’t beat yourself to it.” Leon said, he was hesitant at first but placed his hand to your thigh—giving it a squeeze, you hum at his touch but didn’t show signs of disapproval nor discomfort. You’re hugging your pillow and muffling your sniffles.

“I’m just glad you came…”

“I came, because you called.” Leon assured and his hand left your thigh and took that pillow away that’s been blocking your face. If it helps, Leon will compliment you, “Let me see that pretty crying face of yours, sweetheart.” He chuckle and use both of his hand to help you sit up.

But you added weight to stay in bed, Leon’s stronger than you so you’re pretty light to him. “Come here.” He said and open his arms, you didn’t bother to lift a finger and just bury your face to the crook of his neck—you swift your position a little and your forehead to his neck. Looking down at his tie that he didn’t tie up yet.

“Where you going?” you asked, Leon’s hand caress your back to comfort you, “I’m going to a meeting, they need me.” Leon replied, his tone low. He fights himself not to bury his nostrils to your hair and inhale your scent, it oddly calms him down. Yet, he doesn’t know why he finds solace to your scent.

“Can I come?” you plead, your chin to his chest—giving your best puppy eyes. It made Leon crack a small smile as his hand found contact with your cheeks, brushing away those tears from your eyes and tracing the tear burns away. “I don’t know, will you be good?” he asked, raising a brow.

You gave a weak nod, your chin still to his chest as he pulled himself away.

“Okay then, go get ready.”

You muster up all your energy to got out of bed, Leon even praises you for it since he knew you’re really having a hard time right now ever since last night, “my parents didn’t know about last night, right?” your words came out like a hush to the wind, Leon shakes his head and pats your head. “Look at that, you got out of bed.”

You rolled your eyes and get yourself ready.

Leon waited at the gate, his motorcycle parked. You bid farewell to your parents and catch up with him, “Leon!” you called, he turns and tuck his hand to his pockets, “ready to go?” you nodded at his question as he handed you a helmet.

“I hope you like thrill rides.” Leon said, putting his own helmet on as you got to his back, good thing you wore soft cotton pants today and a long sleeve fitted top, “what do you mean? We’re on your bike.” You spoke as Leon starts to rev.

“You’ll see what I mean, princess. Hold on tight.” You squeeze your hands together around his waist, feeling his rock hard abs, you want your fingers to brush up and down and tease him. You poke and before he starts, he leans back—grabs both of your hands and squeeze them together, pull you close as he turns to see you. “Don’t too naughty now.”

You felt your cheeks and ear burning hot, you nod and hold yourself close to him. Then took off.

The ride was okay, you didn’t quite know what Leon just said about thrill rides. He turns to look at his watch, “let’s not be late.” He mutter, “what?” your question were muffled when Leon rev again as he sped up.

Skipping lines and squeezing in to possible space to get in time, your hold tightens—your head resting to his back as he increases the speed. “Wanna see a trick?” Leon yelled for you to hear, desperately shaking your head but feels like he’s lifting the front wheel off the ground, “oh, fuck no!” you curses, causing you to hold on much tighter as if you’re now holding on for your dear life.

Good thing that nightmare finally ended, you were left shaking at the backseat. Leon took his helmet off as he could feel you trembling, “you can let go now,” he chuckle, tapping your fingers but you shake your head. Hugging him tighter, Chris came to the door, “Oh, Leon. Jesus,” His friend was surprised that he brought you with him.

“No need to worry, Chris. She’s my responsibility.” Leon assured, “you better,” Chris hates his head and gestures inside, “come on, the meeting is starting soon.”

“I’ll be with you after I calm her down.” Leon struggles to take your hand apart so you could let him go, he now has both of your wrist as he slowly guide you off his bike. “See? I warned you, didn’t I?” you hit him and weakly try fighting him because he gave you a scare for life.

“Come on, I’ll be late.” Leon smirks and get off your helmet and put it in the bike, “I’ll buy you ice cream.” He bribe and finally got you to calm down and guide you inside.

He was greeted by people, as he came to his group.

“Oh my.” Claire gasp, Rebecca supposed to say something but got cut off by Chris, “don’t worry, Leon brought her here.” Leon nodded at his words, “if anything happens, she’s my responsibility.” Leon assured.

“Hey, guys. Just so you know, meetings gonna start s—” Luis spoke and cut himself off when he laid eyes to the group, “well, well, well. Who do we have here?” Luis chuckle and asked, his eyes scanning you and Leon.

“is this the Señorita that you’re guarding?” his his hispanic tone strong as he asked your bodyguard. “Sure is.” Leon answered Luis question, “You’re doing a great job guarding a dime.” Luis chuckle and walk over to Leon and hand him a file.

You felt embarrassed at the mans flattering words, “where are my manners?” Luis said and turn to you, “my names Luis, encantado.” He flashes a smile and wave the group, “ciao.”

“Well then,” Leon put the file aside and put his hand over your shoulder, “let me introduce you to some friends, this is Rebecca, Claire and Chris.” Leon points to each and one of them, “the guy who you just met is Luis. He just introduce himself and dip.” Leon added and you could hear Rebecca chuckle at Leon’s remark, “that’s good ‘ol Luis.” The girl with short boy cut said with a smile.

“Meetings starting… I’ll be going first.” Claire dismiss herself and left, Chris followed and smiled at you before disappearing out of sight. Which left you, Rebecca and Leon alone.

“Is there a training ground here?” you whisper to Leon, you tip toe to meet his ears height, “the training room?” Rebecca shift her weight and tilt her head, “we do have one here, currently empty since meeting is being held.” She added before looking at the watch, “I’ll be off now, don’t keep us waiting, agent Kennedy.” She pats Leon’s shoulder and walk off.

“Don’t cause trouble, okay?”

“I’m not a little girl, Leon.”

“I know,” Leon shuffles your hair and look down at you, “training room at the second floor, third door. There’s a bunch of equipment there too.” Leon added, “I’ll be off now.” You nodded and waved him goodbye as you made your way to the elevator and press the third floor button.

You found the room, full of equipment, either weapons or anything to train on. It’s like half of a gym, you packed some extra clothes just incase you get too much sweaty as you train.

Remembering past lessons as you get on with it, taking off your top and revealing your sport bra—you hope no one sees you. It’ll be embarrassing for you if someone barged in as you train and workout, right?

You put on your knuckle sleeve where you beg keeps dropping hints to your father to buy you one, it took a while but at least he finally got the hint and bought you three pairs of it.

You walk to the punching bag, taking a couple of deep breaths—tying your hair up into a messy bun, giving a hit for a couple few times until anger built within you, as if the fire finally receive the fuel to burn. Your hatred and how you almost put yourself in danger because of how unaware you are and how oblivious you can be. You hated people who take other people for granted, knowing that most of them are men.

You imagine the punching bag as the guy who put fucking drugs into your cocktail, you didn’t lie when you texted Leon that you’re just drinking cocktails and never an alcohol because you would want yourself to be sober than be a wasted fool, pass out then people would take advantage on your passed out form where you are fucking vulnerable.

Fingers starts to hurt, hands becoming numb, an aching feeling in your heart—you image what would happen if Leon didn’t really made it in time, you’d be harass, kidnap or worse. Tears starts to form in your eyes, your hands red from all the strike you put your energy to. Even the knuckle pads weren’t enough to bruising your hand.

Each strike was hit by anger, despair, the pain it caused you—the trauma you gain and an experience that you wouldn’t forget as it was craved at the back of your head.

You screamed at it and give it a final blow, causing it to break and get thrown at the ground as it can’t hold the impact of every punch you gave it, tears were already slipping to your cheeks—sobbing and shaking. Looking at your hands, red and bruised. You ignored the pain, probably because you’re punishing yourself for it.

You don’t know what to do since you broke their punching bag, you don’t know how much it cost and you’d be damn if you talk to your father to replace their punching bag. You got to carried away, and you can’t blame yourself when you got too much thoughts and anger to let out.

Leon was at the door, watching you punish yourself—beating the shit out of the punching bag until it breaks and pour floor with sands. Meetings just ended and he went straight to this room to look for you.

He walk towards you, taking off his tie and putting it on the side, “hey.” He called, you heard his voice and turn around to see him, “I broke the…” you mutter, looking down at the ground as you feel ashamed to yourself for breaking something that clearly doesn’t belong to you. Leon nodded, walking up to your vulnerable figure, you fidgeting your fingers as he puts both of his hands to your shoulder. Making you shudder how cold his hands were, probably the AC was on when the meeting started.

“I’ll replace it, didn’t I say that you’re my responsibility?” Leon assured and wipe the tear off that fell down from your cheek, “say, let me help you train, yeah?” he suggested, his hands retreating and going to the opposite side. “You strike, I do defense. Let me see how well you train yourself to fight.”

You nodded to his words and chuckle, you never thought your father also hired a fucking mentor. “What’s so funny, princess? Come on, get on your fighting stance.” Leon spoke, lighting up the room, to lift your sadness and sorrows and help you improve your fighting skill—so if ever Leon wasn’t around, you’d buy him time to get to your aid when you’re in danger.

You strike, he blocks your attack with his forearm. “again,” Leon command, you hit again—giving your best hit to his forearm, “come on,” he chuckle and hit you lightly which caught you off guard, “hey! You said you’ll only do defense.” You frown, he smirk and stood straight—rolling up his sleeve to show his muscles.

“I mean, where’s the thrill in that?” you rolled your eyes at his words and charged at him, lifting your leg up and trying your best to beat him to the floor.

This turned into a play fight, which got Rebecca, Claire, and Chris curious and just watched—they feel like they’re watching two cats fighting since you’re the one throwing a fit to Leon and he’s just enabling you to fight him and make him get on his ground.

It was tiring, but you learn so much from him. You were having fun, but at the same time Leon is trying to piss you off to let out your steam of anger. You quickly learn to get which move he’ll make and you change your fighting pace.

Which finally got you on top of him as he finally was defeated to the ground, making you yelp in victory. “I got you!” you yelp, panting—chest rising up and down as Leon’s hair was a mess and full of sweat.

A whistle was heard from the door, “so much sexual tension.” Luis said before running off because Rebecca would hit him with a file in her hand, Claire backed off quickly and motion the others to leave the room.

You felt embarrassed as crimson rise from your cheeks and ears, you feel yourself pulsing. You sat on his hard abs, not to his pants or else you would’ve feel the boner that Leon has. “Get up, princess. Don’t get use to this.”

You nodded and got off of him, helping him up as both of you were covered in sweat. Leon’s polo felt tight and so is the confinement of his pants. “there’s the door to the changing room.” Leon points behind you, you turn to see as he approach your bag and hand it to you.

“go change, I’ll take you home.”

You follow his words and got change to an oversize sweater and a baggy pants, you fresh up and put on some perfume so that your father wouldn’t question the sweat that you had with Leon when he trained with you.

You got home, got greeted by the servants again. Leon chuckle at what he thought is a tradition of this household, you called out for your parents to let them know you’re home, “Father, we’re back!” you called, but no response. You got to the stairs and called out again, “Father!”

Someone cleared their throat loudly to capture your attention, “your father and mother went out of country for official business.” The butler said, “where to?” you asked, jogging down and meeting him face to face, “I do not know, he just told me to inform you that they will be out for a while.” You nodded and mouth “thank you.”

So… you have the house to yourself. Great! You could do anything you want, dress how you want and be whoever you want. No parents to tell you what to do, tell you how to act and you could do shit without getting scolded. But one problem, Leon’s still here.

“Don’t get too excited, princess.” He said, walking up behind you—he leans and whispered to your ear, “you know I’m still here, hm?” he tilts his head, his lips dangerously close to your ear.

“You can shoo now!” you exclaim, turning around to push him away, “after all this time, you still push me away? You wound me…” you squint at him and hit him a couple of times, but you stomp on his foot which got him pissed.

“Listen here, doll.” You yelp when he growls and start chasing you, “you better run,” you could hear him chuckle and smile with amusement. You shut every door that you go but he ended up bursting through them and chasing you.

He’s having fun, but you feel your heart race.

You went to your room and hid under your bed, calm your breath and wait for him to barge in and find you. He came in, you see his shoe taking every step, you felt the excitement of this little cat and mouse chasing game but you also feel the suspense.

“come on out, sweetheart.” He spoke softly, his voice deep and luring. “Come on, you still push me away?” he teases, he finds amusement to your little playfulness.

You give out a breathy giggle and lift your feet a little to give a little small light stomp, not until you feel hands on your ankle—you screamed as you got pulled out, got manhandled, as you flop to bed with your back on the softness of your bed.

“let go!” you whine and giggle, “you like this?” he asked, struggling to catch your wrist until he puts them up your head and his nose buried to the crook of your neck. Inhaling your scent once again, you feel ticklish and his hip separating your legs, making them wide apart.

“Leon, stop! You’re tickling me. Stop poking your gun.”

He chuckle and place soft kisses to your neck as he whispers, “that’s not a gun, I don’t have it with me.”

Your heart drop.

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Falling For U— Josuke Higashikata x gn! reader

summery: Seeing things that others didn't was a normal part of your day. Until you find a group of delinquents that end up seeing your own stand. Who knew that you'd end up falling for one in particular.

tw: mentions death (reader can see ghosts)

a/n: Guys please I need more Josuke fics. More ace spec reader Josuke fics too. I'm finding it harder to write right now, but I somehow managed to get this out. (So please excuse the shitty transitions).

wc: 5.1k

Master List

It was another regular day. Focusing on school work while trying to ignore the stares and whispering of the beings around me. I’ve been able to see these figures for as long as I can remember. I learned quickly to keep my mouth shut about them when I got in trouble for scaring not only my classmates when I was 6, but my parents as well. I also learned that these beings were ghosts, and I was somehow able to communicate with them. 

A being that stood out seemed to come at will. They’d help me communicate with the ghosts when I couldn’t do it outright. The weird part being that they didn’t look like any of the other ghosts. It was a translucent misty blue being that was wearing a dark gray suit along with a white skull mask. 

I tapped my pencil to my notebook to the tune that’s been playing in my head on repeat at the moment. My eyes drifted from the teacher to my old pet that laid next to my desk. There were some perks to my ability, and that was getting to see my pets that have passed away. It always felt bittersweet to see them still following me in their afterlife. If only I could still pet them…

My thoughts halted when the bell rang. I put my stuff in my bag as quickly as I could, ready to finally go home. I walked with my friends to the gate and we all shared our goodbyes, going our separate ways. Feeling hungry, I decided to stop at a cafe that was on my way home. Just a quick in and out, it’s not like I was going there to hang out. But entering the cafe, it held a nice atmosphere that made me want to just…rest there for a bit. Would it be weird for me to eat here alone? 

I tensed as I noticed a group of students in the familiar uniform. Yeah never mind. I didn’t really know them, one of them was in my class and I knew they were friends. I mean I’ve heard rumors about them, how they’re delinquents, but everyone knew Koichi was a top notch student so I took all the information with a grain of salt. 

After giving my order and paying, I took a seat next to the pick up counter. I stared out the window closest to me, waiting to hear my name called. Suddenly, that familiar blue mist appeared and I kept my gaze to where the window would be. I didn’t want people to think I was crazy. Something in my being told me that it’s name was GhostBuster, but I found the name too humorous to take seriously. 

‘Someone wants to know if their child is okay,’ The figure signed in my line of sight. My grandma taught me sign language at a young age and I was fascinated with it. But no one else really knew how to speak in sign around me so I’d like to teach my friends small phrases if they were interested enough. GhostBuster, I suppose I will call the figure, also seemed to know sign, as they spoke to me with it first. It was a great way to communicate without seeming crazy since most of the signs could be done against a table. 

‘Give me the information and I will look into them,’ I signed back against the table. Since I was able to see the dead, from a young age I was bombarded with pleas and wishes for me to pass on messages to their loved ones or to commit acts of revenge for them. I didn’t want to do either, as having a total stranger bring up their deceased loved one didn’t seem like a good decision. But if they wanted me to keep them updated about whatever, I didn’t mind going to the library and doing some research. 

My name was called and I couldn’t help but feel eyes follow me. After I grabbed my bag of food, I ducked my head down and walked out. 

After that day I couldn’t help but feel like I was being watched constantly, and this time it was by someone living. And I couldn’t help but notice that I’ve been seeing Koichi and his friends around more often. I ignored it though, I mean Koichi was in my class so I was obviously going to see that friend group a bit. But I noticed their eyes follow me and I didn’t like it one bit. 

I always tried to keep to myself. A total wallflower if you will. I didn’t like standing out. I had my little group of friends I had at school and I stuck to my homework and hobbies after, well as long as I wasn’t working. It was easy to notice them, as no one really looks at me twice, and their stares made my skin prick with anxiety. Did I do something wrong? Do I look weird? Did I do something to upset them? Are they going to beat me up?

I shook the thought out of my head. Yeah I’ve heard rumors of them beating up kids without lifting a finger, but those stories were so far-fetched it was hard to believe. GhostBuster appeared once more during lunch, and those damned stares started to burn. I tried to look at them from the corner of my eye, but I could only catch one of them. Josuke, the most infamous one out of the group, but he wasn’t looking at me…he was looking at GhostBuster. The misty being disappeared as I tensed up. Could they see them? The being that’s been with me since forever? Was that what they were looking for everytime I passed by? Am I in danger now that they have seen it? 

I shifted my focus back on my friends, trying to tune out the ringing in my ears. I’ve always thought I was alone, that I was the only one with strange abilities…did they have them too? Is that where all the crazy rumors have been coming from? It would make a bit more sense. 

The bell ringing signaling the end of the day brought little relief. I just wanted to go home and destress from everything. Maybe play some video games or watch some t.v. I scurried out of class, head down and sticking to the walls. I didn’t even meet my friends, I was too on edge at the moment. 

“Hey!” I glanced up, not sure if that was directed towards me. I froze when I saw Josuke, Koichi, and Okuyasu. I glanced behind me, just in case they were calling for someone else, but I knew that wasn’t the case due to their eyes boring holes into me. 

“Wanna go to St. Gentleman’s with us?” Josuke asked, a nonchalant look on his face. 

I felt confused, looking around once more just to double check before pointing to myself, “Me?”

“Yeah, who else?” Okuyasu asked with a condescending look (it wasn’t exactly mean, more confused than anything). 

I shrugged, shoulders rising in tension, “I don’t know.” I was completely out of my element. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t wanna,” Josuke shrugged, hands in his pockets. 

I stared at the three for a second not sure what to say, but for some reason I found myself agreeing. Okuyasu and Josuke led while Koichi strayed behind, next to me.

“I hope we didn’t scare you,” The short boy spoke up. “We just haven’t had many good experiences with other stand users.”

My face scrunched in confusion and I turned to look at him, “Stand users?”

“Yeah,” Koichi nodded. “You know, that thing that was…talking to you during lunch.”

My gaze drifted towards the glassy eyes of the dead that turned to stare at our strange group in curiosity. I looked back at Koichi, “A lot of people try to talk to me. Well…people that others can’t see.”

It was Koichi’s turn to look at me confused, but before he could ask anything, we arrived at St. Gentlemens. We all put our orders in before sitting at a table for four. Koichi finally asked about these people but first had to catch the other two up in our previous conversation. 

“Ghosts,” I clarified finally as they all stared at me intently. “I can see ghosts, can you see them too?” I glanced over Josuke’s shoulder, a woman in an old 50’s looking waitress uniform stood behind him, a tired smile worked its way on her face when we made eye contact. 

“Nah,” Josuke shrugged, trying to seem chill, but he glanced over his shoulder and met my eyes shakily. “There’s one right behind him isn’t there?” 

I smiled slightly, “She seems nice.” Suddenly, my supposed stand came out and listened as the woman whispered to it. It then approached me and signed what she said.

“What’s it doing?” Okuyasu asked. I forgot they were there. All their eyes fell onto my stand and I couldn’t help but feel flustered at what the old waitress was implying.

“Telling me what she said,” I replied, trying to casually glance out the window.

“What did she say?” Josuke joined, curiosity working into his expression. 

I felt myself slightly fluster, looking towards the boy next to me with shining blue eyes and that unique pompadour. I opened my mouth but I hesitated, it was kinda embarrassing, “...she said…w-we’d make a cute couple.”

I can admit when someone was attractive, and Josuke fit that bill to a T, if the hordes of fangirls I had to pass in the hallways didn’t say anything. But I never talked to him before and I didn’t know him well enough to even think of him romantically. 

Okuyasu let out an obnoxious laugh and Koichi even seemed like he couldn’t hold his chuckles in as Josuke burned bright red. 

“What do your stands do?” I asked, wanting to change the subject. Okuyasu showed his off first, going on and on about its abilities and the many stories of how it saved him to mundane things it helped him with. Then Koichi showed his stand off. Well…all three of them that is. He also explained his own abilities, but kept it sweet and short. 

Finally, Josuke had recovered and told me all about his stand. Showing it off and even demonstrating its powers on a cut I got earlier that morning from my pet. I stared in awe, the cut seemingly vanished in thin air. 

After that, I seemed to have grown closer to the small group of friends. They invited me into group activities more often and both of our friend groups seemed to have joined together, at least for lunch. 

Though I was growing close to one person in particular. Of course that person was going to be Josuke. It didn’t help that those words that the ghost said were ingrained in my head now. Josuke would hang out with me a bit more than the others and the first thought was ‘is he interested in me?’, but I would quickly shake the thought away. I was just looking into everything a bit too hard now. It didn’t help that when Josuke would pull me away to do something, the others would laugh behind us. 

Not to mention that our conversations have been steering towards dating and romantic topics in general. I wish my heart didn’t beat faster when he watched me intently when I explained how I felt about relationships. How I would want to take it slow but I didn’t really have any experience so I wasn’t sure how all that stuff works anyways. My hopeless romantic side was showing greatly as I would make scenarios of what may happen that day, or what it would be like to hold him/be held. 

He also told me how he was looking for the one, and didn’t really want any flings. I agreed with him and our values on romantic relationships seemed to be shared. Which only made me seem to fall further for him, as I didn’t expect someone to share the same beliefs. Yes you heard me correctly, I can’t deny it anymore, I’ve fully fallen for him. I wouldn’t say love, but I haven’t had a crush this strong before. 

“Are you doing anything for Valentine's day?” My friend asked me as we stood outside before school. 

“Nah,” I shook my head, shifting my bag on my shoulder to a comfier position. 

“Really?” They asked skeptically. “Nothing with Josuke?”

I stared at them, feeling myself flustered, “What would I be doing with Josuke?” 

They raised an eyebrow in disbelief, “Confessing to him.” 

I tensed and my face felt like it was on fire, “No way. It’s not like he likes me like that anyways.”

Before my friend could retort, Josuke seemed to have entered the grounds. I couldn’t really see him, but the horde of fans told everything. I looked back to my friend and raised an eyebrow at the scenario.

“I also don’t want him to think of me as just another fan,” I huffed. 

“I don’t think he’d group you with them,” My friend shrugged. “You two are close now, you’re on a level that his fans aren’t.”

I didn’t think about that. Yeah I was his friend, but I suppose that I was afraid that if I did confess, that his view of me would lower and he’d stop wanting to be friends. Which doesn’t sound like Josuke, I know, but the anxiety still lingered. But now I kinda did want to do something now. Not some grand gesture, just a small thing. Maybe make something small and a note. I could buy my friends some candy as well to use as a cover up in case he didn’t like me back…

The day came quicker than I liked. I trudged to school, my bag heavier than normal with the treats it carried. I started to second guess myself, I could always just eat it all myself. Not the candy I got for my friends…but the chocolate covered strawberries I made for Josuke. I could always just give some of the candy in my bag to him instead. Rip the note to shreds and throw it away. 

No, I shook my head. I’ve gone this far, I can always fall onto my cover story just in case. I could pinpoint Josuke easily due to people swarming him like flies. Once again, that little voice of doubt flooded my mind. He’s already being bombarded, I don’t want to add to it. 

“Oi, (y/n)!” A familiar voice shouted. “Over here!” I turned towards Okuyasu, Koichi waving at me from beside him. I joined the two surprised to not see Yukako or Koichi covered in gifts yet. 

“Hey,” I greeted back as I approached them. “I got you guys something.”

Okuyasu’s eyes seemed to shine brightly as I rummaged through my bag and handed them each a little bag of candies. Josuke finally approached us and peered at us curiously, “What’cha guys got there?”

“Thank you so much (y/n)!” Okuyasu yelled, pulling me into a suffocating hug trying to hold back tears. “You’re the best!”

I patted his back and chuckled at his reaction, “I wanted to get you all something for being such great friends.”

Once Okuyasu let go, Josuke peaked his head into my view, “You got us all something?”

I drew in a deep breath, it was now or never I suppose. As the two others were preoccupied digging through their candy bags I quickly took out the small box with the note taped to the top. I thrust it into Josuke’s hands and brought my finger up to my lips in a ‘shh’ motion.

“Don’t tell the others but I got you something a little extra,” I joked lightly, hoping I came off as I normally do. I noticed he started to read the note and I quickly slapped my hand over it, drawing attention to us but I was too anxious to care. “Read that later!” I spluttered, feeling my heart race. I’d rather him read that when I’m far away and can’t see his reaction.

I glanced at my watch, noticing class was going to start soon. I waved goodbye to the group, not taking a second glance. If only I did, because I would’ve been met with Josuke staring at me in adoration, a rosy pink settling on his cheeks. 

The day seemed to drag by and I tried to ignore that I totally confessed to Josuke that morning, even if it was indirectly in a note. It was the first question my friend asked and I begrudgingly told them about what I did. It was a nice distraction when Yukako showed up and poured a load of gifts on Koichi, giving him a short kiss on the cheek as a finale. 

I felt a sort of jealousy setting in the pit of my stomach. That kind of relationship is what I longed for. I suppose not the stalking and kidnapping part…or the obsession… Okay so maybe their relationship wasn’t perfect at first, but they seemed to be working through it together. 

I tried to ignore the glances Josuke would give me during lunch. He totally read the note. God, and he totally knew my intentions too. I shouldn’t have given it to him. I picked at my food as my friends swapped candies they liked. My best friend, knowing exactly what prediction I was in wiggled their eyebrows.

“Oh he totally got the message,” They grinned smugly. I groaned and hit my head on the table. “It’s not that bad. He can’t keep his eyes off of you even with all the people confessing to him.”

“Of course he’s going to be,” I frowned. “I’m his friend so he’s gonna feel different about rejecting me.” 

“More like accepting you,” They nudged me. 

I just rolled my eyes, not feeling hopeful. I just hope I didn’t ruin a great friendship. The second half of class went by faster as I focused on school work. Bell rang and I was the second student to turn their paper in to the teacher and leave. Once again I was going to run out and hopefully not run into the person I was dreading to see. But of course life had a way of squashing my plans.

A pink and baby blue figure stood in front of me, arms crossed and a stoic gaze rested on me. I quickly snapped my head back to a normal angle, I hate being able to see things that others can’t sometimes, I hope no one saw and thought I was weird. I slowly turned my head around as Josuke pushed past other students, charmingly excusing himself. 

“(Y/n),” Josuke panted slightly, waving at me. “Hold up!” 

I stood in place as he finally approached me, “It’s not like I had much of a choice.” 

Josuke grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck, “Well I know you have a tendency to run off and I wanted to make sure I caught up to you this time.”

I wanted to shrink, am I that predictable? Did he really notice that? Does that mean he pays attention to me? I shrugged, not sure why he wanted to catch me so badly after school…okay maybe he does have a reason but I’d rather forget I did anything. 

“Is it cool if I walk you home?” Josuke asked breezily, a charming smile resting on his lips.

Damn him, damn him for stirring up all these fluttery, confusing, warm feelings. I hated it. I hated but loved it. I just wanted to throw the damn feelings away, not wanting to waste time on one-sided pining, but on the other hand I wanted to bask in the warmth these feelings brought. To indulge myself in something I wasn’t sure I was able to have. 

“Sure,” I shrugged again. Just pretend like nothing has changed. That’ll fix everything…totally. Josuke’s grin somehow widened and he nodded. 

I hated that white day was a month after Valentine’s day. Josuke was being much more affectionate towards me lately and his fans didn’t seem too happy. Not that I really cared about them but still, it was uncomfortable. I mean the gestures Josuke did could still be viewed as platonic. It was mostly hugs, resting his arm on my head/shoulder, and on the rareish occasion he’d hold my hand. 

It would make my heart flutter every time. He didn’t bring up the gift I gave him, and I thought that’s what I wanted, but slowly I realized I wanted closure. I’d rather be straight out rejected than this weird little dance we shared of not speaking our feelings. It was giving me hope, something I didn’t like in a situation I felt so uncertain in. 

It was a constant thought in the back of my mind, but it slowly faded as school and work once more took priority. I nearly forgot about the whole ordeal when white day came around. Josuke being more affectionate being a new norm that people just didn’t comment on anymore. And without my friends pointing it out, it became something I grew accustomed to. The flutter in my stomach never left, but I grew used to the feeling. 

“Oh!” I said in shock as Okuyasu handed me a small teddy bear and a small box of chocolates. “Y-you didn’t have to get me this.” 

Okuyasu grinned sheepishly, a small blush on his tanned cheeks, “I never got a gift on Valentines day, even just from a friend. So I wanted to return the favor!”

A giant smile spread across my face, “Well thank you, Oku. It means a lot.”

Koichi handed me a small baggie of candy, similar to the ones I gave him, “I know it’s not as much as the other two got you…”

My eyebrows furrowed as Josuke hadn't given me anything, but decided to brush it off, “It’s alright, I wasn’t expecting anything in return. Besides, I’d rather not get on Yukako’s bad side.” The three of us shivered at the thought. 

The small (okay maybe it grew a lot) glimmer of hope I had that Josuke would reciprocate my confession slowly dissipated throughout the day. It felt like a knife in my heart when I realized I wasn’t the only one waiting for something from Josuke. I truly was just like his fans. I felt cold as I zoned out the teacher’s lecture. Once again, I just wanted to go home and avoid people. I really was predictable. 

I packed my bags slowly as the bell rang. Everyone shuffling around me. This time, I’ll try to wait out Josuke if he was planning on catching me again. I made my way to the band room. My friends would hang out there for a bit after school so I thought I might as well join them. 

“So, how’d it go?” My friend asked, a giant grin on their face. 

I simply looked away with a frown, “How’d what go?”

Their grin fell, “Well Josuke’s an idiot. He can’t just lead you on and do nothing!” I shrugged, my other friends tuning into our conversation. 

“Yeah, don’t get hung up on a guy that isn’t taking your feelings seriously,” My other friend chimed in. 

My heart felt a little lighter at the support of my friends and I smiled bitterly, “Well, Okuyasu got me a cute teddy.” I pulled out the small plushie and the others pointed out how it wasn’t all bad today. I decided to try and focus on the good of today. I got a few things today, I got to hang out with my friends, I got a good score on that one test. Though that small pang was still there. 

The door slid open and Josuke popped into the room, looking a bit frazzled. His eyes scanned the room and when they fell on me they lit up. But my friends weren’t really having it. Their stares held a bit of hostility, but they didn’t do anything more. I, myself, didn’t have the most pleased look. 

“Hey,” He greeted, fully coming into the room, either ignoring the tense atmosphere or not even realizing there was one. “I was wondering where you were. I, uh, was wondering if you’d wanna come to Trattoria Trussardi with me.”

“That one Italian restaurant?” I asked, feeling my heart skip a beat. I hated how he had such an influence on my emotions. My friend elbowed my side and I glared at them. “I suppose I have nothing better to do,” I shrugged, suddenly feeling a bit shy.

“Great!” Josuke shouted, before flushing red and seeming to correct himself. “I-I mean cool, cool.” 

His grin shined through still along with his fading blush. Taking a hand out of his pocket, he held it out towards me and I grabbed it without much thought. I grabbed my bag and glared at my friends as they snickered at us. 

Somehow, with all these feelings bubbling inside of me, Josuke and I managed to slide into a comfortable conversation. He seemed a bit more bashful than usual, stuttering over himself. I showed him the teddy that Okuyasu gifted me when I told him about my day. 

His face contorted into a frown, “So he has enough extra money to buy you something, but when I ask to borrow some he magically doesn’t have any.” 

I couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up, teasing him I replied, “I guess I’m his favorite now.”

Josuke’s frown turned into a pout, “Is he your favorite?”

When I met those diamond like eyes of his, my heart stuttered. My instinct was to deny it, but maybe I should tease him a bit more for dragging this all out today.

“Maybe,” I replied, looking away to conceal the smile that was nearly splitting at the seams. 

“(Y/nnnn),” Josuke drew out the last syllables of my name. He draped himself over my back, arms sliding over my shoulders and tucking his head in the crook of my neck. I felt myself tense, but forced my shoulders back down into a relaxed position so Josuke didn't pull back. I don’t want him to think I hate his affection, I’m just not used to such actions. “That note you wrote was for me, wasn’t it?” I could feel the smile form on his lips before he pulled away, standing taller than before with newfound confidence. Smug bastard. 

I crossed my arms, not wanting to feed into his ego but not being to deny it either, “I think I might retract it.” 

Before he could protest, we finally came into view. I went to open the door, but Josuke raced me and opened it for me instead. I gave him a weird look but didn’t say anything. Luckily, a table was open and Josuke once again rushed to pull out the seat for me. He seemed a lot more jumpy now, the situation finally sinking in. 

I looked around the restaurant, not sure what to do. There wasn’t any menu, but I’ve only heard good things about this place. People being cured of aches, acne, fatigue, and so much more. It quickly grew into popularity, so I was extra surprised when we got in without a hitch. 

“He’s a stand user,” Josuke spoke up, speaking about the owner of the place. 

“Wow,” My eyes widened. “There’s more stand users here than I thought there would be.”

Josuke nodded, tapping his fingers on the table before changing the subject, “Thank you, for the note and the strawberries.” 

“That feels like ages ago,” I waved him off with a forced laugh. “No need to thank me. You’re my friend, of course I was gonna get you something.”

Josuke seemed to falter, but I pretended like I didn’t notice, “Seemed like a bit more than what just a friend would say.”

I tapped against the table now. I wanted to talk about it, but now I wanted to go back to ignoring it. I glanced at Josuke, his eyes seeming to search for something in my expression. The waiter, I learned named Tonio, put two plates of food in front of the two of us. He smiled at us, wishing us a good meal before leaving. I turned my attention to my food. I wasn’t completely sure what it was, but it smelled good.

No wonder I always found myself single. I’m acting like a child. But ignoring my feelings has always been easier than bearing my heart. I shoved food in my mouth while I internally berated myself. Wow, this was really good food!

“I like holding you,” Josuke said quietly. I tensed as he referenced the stupidly cheesy part of my note where I admitted to enjoying affection. “Your hands seem to fit perfectly in mine, your smile takes my breath away, and everytime you laugh at one of my stupid jokes I feel like I’m on top of the world.” I felt my cheeks warm at his confession and I slowly raised my head up to meet his gaze. It was intense, fiery passion clear in his unwavering crystal gaze. 

“You’re always so kind to us all, you give more than you take,” He continued, his eyes softening. At that moment, it felt like the world came to a halt. I suddenly felt seen, heard, cared about. Josuke took my hand into his own on top of the table, “I found myself falling for you faster than I could process. So when you handed me that small box and note, I was overwhelmed. I still have the note, I don’t think I could ever throw it away because I knew that you were bearing your heart to me, and trusted me with your feelings.”

I squeezed his hand lightly, not sure how to process this information. It was like a dream come true. I wasn’t sure if I could handle much more of his praises though, as I started feeling a bit light headed…or was that the food’s doing?

“A-ah, I’m rambling,” Josuke chuckled awkwardly, rubbing his neck sheepishly. “I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I like you too, (y/n). And it would make my world if you’d agree to be my partner.”

Suddenly, the world grew fuzzy and I squinted my eyes. I could barely make out Josuke’s blurry face before the world snapped back into focus, much clearer than before. I looked around in awe, finally meeting the piercing blue eyes that seemed to hold me in place. 

“I would love to,” I agreed, smiling sheepishly. 

That damn waitress is going to rub it in next time we go to St. Gentlemens.

[dehydration-stati0n]

Yandere!WhiteBeard Pirates x Reader HCs

If you have another member you want me to add, please feel free to ask! These were just the ones I could think of off the top of my head :)

Rules Word Count: 1.4k Spoilers: None TW: Yandere Themes, slight non-con?, abuse

Whitebeard

The ‘overprotective and overbearing parent’ trope

He’s the one who most likely got you roped into him and his sons’ obsessed grasp

convincing you with promises of a loving family and protection from anyone who would ever want to harm you.

He doesn't have any punishments for you and prefers to leave it up to the others (Marco and Ace)

He would refuse to let you leave the ship under any circumstance, and if he does allow you to leave, he makes sure you're within someone's sight

Unlike the others, he doesn't see you in a romantic light, he sees you as one of his children

He recognizes that he likes you in a different way than he feels about the rest of his sons, but he just kinda chalks it up to you being weaker and way more defenseless than the rest of them.

It's how he justifies his possessiveness over you too. You just need more attention because you can't protect yourself

He'll have your biological family killed, whether you were close to them or not

Why would you need them when you're real families right here?

He has everything he could ever want right within his grasp, and he'd gladly give you it all as well, as long as you obey them

Play along and you might even find being with them enjoyable

As intimidating as Whitebeard can be about where you go and who you're with, he’s a fairly laid-back guy

Do whatever you want whenever you want. The main thing is that you're not leaving the crew in any way.

Stay within sight of someone and you’ll be fine.

Marco

Whitebeard got you on board, but he’s who convinced you to stay

he’ll tell you that you have a sickness of some kind and he just so happens to have the cure, although, it’ll take some time to fully take effect so stay a while! Relax! He and the rest of the crew got you covered :)

I imagine him being very easy to talk too

He'll snitch on you if he catches you or you tell him about doing something out of line tho

He's ridiculously manipulative

He'll guilt trip you for literally anything

"We've given you all this and you're just going to leave? Don't you think you're being selfish, yoi?

Marco is really clingy and likes to hold you in some way.

Usually, he’ll wrap his arms around you or hold your hand.

Not afraid to chain or tie you up to keep you still

he also isn't afraid to break a bone in order to get you to stay, although it's more of a last resort for him

Very regular checkups that are definitely not meant to allude to anything sexual at all, it just always seems to happen to go there coincidentally

Works with Thatch a lot to drug your food

He honestly just loves taking care of you. It makes him so happy when he can fill some sort of caretaker role.

Ace

He's the most violent, either to you or others

He has a bit of a jealous temper when it comes to you and sometimes his emotions just get a little out of control

He'll apologize after, surely you understand why he did it.

He just wants your full, undivided attention, and why would you want to pay attention to anything that's not himself?

He’ll probably put a tattoo on you. Whether that be the crew's symbol or some other sign.

He likes that you have that permanent mark on you to show your gratitude and devotion to your new, loving family

Ace can be violent and jealous, but he’s also extremely oblivious?

Like he notices everything and nothing at all

He'd notice someone flirting with you but then wouldn't realize you're trying to leave if he found you halfway out the window with all of your stuff

It's 50/50 whether he catches onto something or not and you have to pray that he doesn't notice

You’ll have little burn marks all over you from when he’s gotten out of control. Thatch hates them and always scolds Ace for doing so. Marco doesn't mind since it lets him spend more time with you in the infirmary.

Your only scapegoat for him is his sporadic sleep habits

If you catch him while he's asleep, you can have a solid 10 minutes by yourself.

He likes throwing little parties for you on the ship, he really does want you to feel comfortable and safe with them and this is how he goes about it

It's always a lot of fun and he makes sure that he's near you so you don't feel nervous or awkward.

Thatch

the sanest?? Least self-aware??

he’s also gonna be the nicest

Unlike Marco, he will not tell Whitebeard about anything 'bad' you did

Refuses to hurt you in any way, it makes his skin crawl just thinking about him causing you pain

He'll even cook for you! Anything you want. Just tell him and he'll do his best to make it perfect :)

Sometimes he'll drug your food so he can admire your sleeping form

He loves taking care of you while you're asleep

He'll bring you a blanket as your head rests on the kitchen table then he'll sit right next to you and watch, occasionally brushing strands of hair out of your face. Sometimes he might even gently style it for you.

He follows you around like a lost dog

Wouldn’t be opposed to you putting a leash on him

He’d honestly do anything you asked of him, even if it meant killing one of the others

He's suffocatingly clingy and always just seems to be nearby. You can rarely leave his sights.

He absolutely adores the size difference between you two and will constantly hold you in his much larger arms

Every once in a while he'll ask if you want to sit in the kitchen with him while he cooks. He likes to talk to you and especially likes it when you ramble on about anything to him

It's great cause you could rant about how you hate being on the ship and would apologize, laugh it off, and not tell anyone

You'll most likely end up being closest with him due to how friendly and peaceful he is to you

Izo

Izo is very loyal and loving until you disobey one of them in some way

He gets almost emotionless when he's mad and it's terrifying if you're on the receiving end of it

He loves showing you off, especially if you're wearing things he gifted you

Those gifts always consist of jewelry he found or bought. No price is too much if it's for you after all.

He expects you to wear at least a couple of gems at any time. If you don't he gets a little upset and insecure.

"Do you not like it, my love? I can get you something better if you'd like. You can even come with me if you'd prefer."

Some of the jewelry he gives you has little trackers so that they could better find you if you ever managed to escape.

He’d buy you kimonos and stuff too

Really likes to introduce you to his Wano culture and also just loves seeing you in more traditional outfits

He's a samurai and as such, he'll act as a sort of bodyguard for you

You can be the respectable ruler and he'll be your fearless protector

Like Thatch, he also would refuse to harm you, but he has no problem getting Ace or Marco to do it for him

He has zero tolerance for others in public and if he thinks their getting too close or sees them as a threat in any way, he'll kill them right there in front of you

He'd do pretty much anything if it meant you were safe

His loyalty lies with you above anyone else and even though he'll get the others to punish you for your actions, he wouldn't punish you for speaking your thoughts on the entire situation. If anything, he's touched you trust him.

He's very strict about that code of his. He will only ever have you punished for your actions and NOT your thoughts.

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 34

You and Joel reconnect. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-33 found on Tumblr here.

Sorry for the Narcos gif guysssss

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: SMUT (fingering, unprotected P in V sex BE SMART PEEPS), mention of suicide. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only

Length: 4.8k

“We need to find some place to sit this out,” Joel frowned, looking up toward the sky. 

Something that came along with living in Texas was being able to read when a bad storm was rolling in. It wasn’t a skill he’d kept up in Boston - the climate was so different, he didn’t need to. But this part of the country was different. It was too cool for tornadoes, at least, but it didn’t take a twister to do some serious damage. 

The dark clouds had been hanging overhead for hours and Joel had been watching them mount, their heavy, bulbous hangings sinking lower and lower in the sky. It was starting to get dark - too cloudy to properly see the sunset - and there was the distinctive, constant rumble of thunder in the distance. 

“There’s not going to be much out this way,” you frowned. “It’s been a while since we saw much of anything…” 

Ellie kicked a chunk of asphalt on the street, the scraping of it melding with the sound of distant thunder. 

She hadn’t said much since you’d left Kansas City that morning. Joel dug shallow graves for Henry and Sam, lowering their bodies into the earth with a sickening sense of finality. He looked at Henry for a moment before he started to cover him in dirt. The wound on his head was where Joel’s scar lay. If things had gone the way he’d meant to that day, if it hadn’t been for your voice in his head… 

“I’ll always love you, Joel. Til the day I die.” 

If he thought about it for even a moment he could hear you clearly. He wondered if that was still true, if you still loved him. If he could win you back if you didn’t. 

When he’d covered their bodies, you brought Ellie out of the motel. The girl put Sam’s writing pad on top of his grave, the words “I’m sorry” written on it. 

“I tried to save him,” she said softly. “He… he showed me his bite and I thought maybe my blood…” 

“Oh sweetheart,” you brushed her hair back and pulled her into your chest. “It doesn’t work that way, I’m so sorry.” 

“It just…” she peered over your arm, down to the graves. “It felt like I should have been able to save him…” 

You stepped back from her and met her gaze.

“You don’t need to save anybody but yourself,” you said. “It doesn’t matter if you’re immune or not. Saving people isn’t your job. It’s not what you’re here to do. You haven’t failed if someone gets hurt, OK?” 

She nodded once before looking back at the graves for a moment and taking a deep, shaky breath. 

“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” she said. 

She hadn’t said much since. Joel was starting to miss the puns. 

“Seen some cuts in off the road last bit,” Joel said, gesturing at the tree line. “They’re a bit grown over but probably get to hunting cabins and shit, we can follow the next one.” 

There was another offshoot from the main road less than a mile up. Joel almost missed it, the gravel path so overgrown that it was almost entirely hidden. There was a wooden signpost inside some of the brush, the paint faded with moss growing over the raised letters: The MITCHELL cabin. 

“So people used to have more than one house,” Ellie said, sounding skeptical as the three of you followed the remains of the drive. “Enough that people needed signs.” 

“Yup,” your hands were looped through the straps of your bag. “Lots of people, actually. I had a friend in college whose parents had a beach house AND a hunting cabin on top of their regular house.” 

“Same friend with the kid who you went to the space center with and shit?” Ellie asked, looking up at you. 

Joel froze and you glanced back at him over your shoulder before looking back to Ellie. 

“No, different friend,” you said. “Believe it or not, I had two. Pretty much just two, though.” 

You’d told Ellie about Sarah. Maybe not by name - she clearly didn’t know it was at all tied to Joel. But she knew about Sarah. You’d talked about her, sometime before this trip. About the things you’d done together. You’d talked about her and him and your life together like it was something you remembered fondly, something that was on your mind. Something that was worth sharing. 

He kept walking. 

“Did you have more than one house?” She asked. 

“No,” you laughed. “No, I didn’t even have one, really. My grandmother did, I just lived there. And she just had the one.” 

She nodded along, like she was taking the snippets of information you’d given her and filing them away somewhere, keeping a running log of what life was like before the world ended. It was strange, her longing for this world she’d never seen. Her drive to want to return to something she didn’t know. 

The cabin was bigger than Joel had expected, more of a vacation house than a true cabin. It was two stories, probably about the size of his house in Texas all told. He doubted anyone had been in it in 20 years. A tree had started to grow through the front deck, the trunk splitting the boards that had become covered in mildew and lichen. 

But the windows and doors were all intact, things inside undisturbed. The air was stale and damp but it could be worse. 

Joel took a quick look through the place just to be sure before finding the two of you sitting around the kitchen table. 

“Anything bad in here?” Ellie asked as you pulled food out from your bag. 

“Just you,” he smiled a little. She rolled her eyes but he could have sworn he saw her smile a bit back. 

“Three bedrooms upstairs,” he said, setting the lantern out. “One at the back’s got a leaky roof. One down here. Looks like there might be some clothes and things. Sheets and blankets that don’t look moldy.” 

“Apparently all we had to do to find a good place to stay for a few days was wander the woods in the midwest,” you said. “Who knew.” 

“Kid, you take one of the rooms upstairs,” he said. “We’ll be down here, just in case someone does show up.” 

After eating, you gave Ellie a book from your bag and she curled up in the corner of the dusty couch while Joel inspected the fireplace, opening the flue and clearing it. The thunder was getting closer. 

“I’m going to find dry wood while I can,” he said. “Stay put.” 

The distance made him anxious. Not that he went far, but it was getting dark. With his deaf ear, the sounds of the forest and the worsening thunder, he wasn’t sure he’d hear you or Ellie if you screamed. He missed the days of cell phones, when he could have just expected you to call if something happened. It was hard to focus on much else, not certain that the two of you were safe. 

When he got back, you were on the couch, reading something on your lap by candlelight. 

“Ellie has the lantern,” you said by way of greeting. “What’s it looking like out there?” 

“Storm should be here any minute,” he said. “Might be good to stay here tomorrow, too. Just… after everything.” 

“No clickers or anything?” You asked. 

“Far enough out, should be safe,” he replied. “And no one’d found this place before us, should be off the radar of anyone else.” 

“So we can actually breathe without someone trying to kill us?” You asked. “What a strange concept…” 

He just smiled a bit while he built a fire, glancing back at you every so often to see the candlelight catching on your hair. You started absently humming something and he frowned. 

“Is that Fast Car?” He asked. 

“Hm?” 

“You’re humming,” he said. “Fast Car?” 

“Oh,” you smiled a bit. “Yeah, sorry, it’s been stuck in my head for a few days…”

“Don’t apologize,” he said. “Just… haven’t heard it in a while.” 

He wondered if you were thinking of him playing it on the guitar by the pool on a summer night, back when things were normal. When he took you to bed that night, he moved slow inside you, your soft sounds catching on your throat when you came. 

“I’m going to check on Ellie,” you said, putting the book down heading up stairs. 

Joel stared into the fire, watching as the wood was consumed. The thunder was close now, the storm almost upon you. He could feel the shift in air pressure when he was outside, the swollen clouds overwrought and ready to burst. 

“And she’s out,” you said, carrying an armload of blankets and pillows. “Why is it so relieving when you know a kid is asleep?” You set the linens on the floor next to the couch and sat beside them. “It’s not like she’s a toddler or that we need to keep her from getting into things she shouldn’t. Except maybe the guns… But hell, she’s a teenager and we don’t have to worry about her sneaking out! But it’s still so nice to know that she’s asleep.” 

“See how long that lasts,” he said as a rumble of thunder shook the house. 

“Well, I gave her a sleeping pill,” you winced a little as you said it. “There were some left at the pharmacy in Lincoln. She’s seen enough today, she needs to sleep, it seems safe here… figured it was the time to use one.” 

He nodded slowly. He was a little jealous that someone would be able to sleep that deeply. He hadn’t. Not in years. 

You started spreading blankets out on the floor, near the fire. 

“Figured we could have some padding for the damn sleeping bags if we need to be near the door,” you said. “Nice change from just the ground.” 

You settled on the small nest you’d made facing the fire, your legs pulled into your chest, arms around your knees. Joel just watched you for a moment, your eyes reflecting the flicker of the fire, the curve of your neck, the barest hint of cleavage visible behind your button down shirt. You took down your hair, unwinding it from the braids, running your fingers through the curls that had formed in it until it hung loose and wild around you. 

Fuck, he missed you. Missed touching you, tasting you, knowing you in a way no one else got to know you. He missed being the keeper of the things that were otherwise yours alone. The sounds you made when you were lost in pleasure, the way you twitched in your sleep, the expressions you made when deciding what to wear when getting dressed in the morning. It was like he’d become a museum of these things about you, things that he didn’t know what to do with now. But he couldn’t bear to lose them. 

He moved closer to you, sitting close enough beside you that his arm brushed yours. You smiled a little at him. He hoped it would help, being closer to you. That it would ease this ache inside him. That something, anything, would provide some relief. 

“How are you doing?” You asked after a moment. 

Longing? Needy? Missing what he’d fucked up with you so much it hurt? 

“Fine,” he shrugged. 

“You sure?” You asked, twisting a little to look at him. Your brows were drawn together. “I’m not trying to pry, I just… I’m worried.” 

He was close to you, so close to you. But the ache was worse, growing into something hot and demanding. 

“Don’t want you to worry,” he said, his voice rough. He was leaning into you. He wasn’t meaning to, he wasn’t thinking about it, there was something in him just pulling him into your orbit. It was like gravity, not something he could deny or fight against. And he was having a hard time caring. 

“Joel,” you said softly. The fire in him was spreading, from the center of him, through his limbs, his fingers, threatening to swallow him whole until he was nothing but ash at your feet. 

His hand went to your face moving slowly, gently. Like he would an animal he didn’t want to startle. His fingers slipped into your hair. Your skin was soft and smooth below his palm and his lips brushed yours for half a moment before he kissed you. 

You felt just like he remembered and he hadn’t realized how much he’d immortalized you in his mind until that moment, your lips moving against his own, your breaths coming in short, soft pants against him as he adjusted his body to be against yours. 

But you pulled back from him, still so close that your lips brushed his own when you spoke. 

“I can’t do this with you, Joel,” you whispered. “I can’t…” 

You pulled back from him, slipping away from his hand, his touch. You looked like you were in pain. 

“Baby,” he whispered back but you just shook your head. 

“No,” you said. “I can’t… I just… I can’t.”  

You got up and went for the door, leaving him on the floor behind you. 

***

Your head was spinning, your chest tight. The air outside was thick and the thunder was loud enough that you could feel it in your bones. You fought to not cry as you stood outside the cabin, looking up at the trees and the clouds overhead. 

It took everything you had to not go in there and jump on the chance that Joel was giving you. You wanted it - you wanted him - so bad it hurt. You’d never wanted anything more than you wanted him and he was there. So close. But he would destroy you, you knew that now. Shred you from the inside out until there was nothing of yourself left to try to save. You couldn’t do that, not anymore. 

“Can’t do what,” he followed you out of the house and you closed your eyes and sighed. 

“Joel,” you turned to face him, keeping your eyes closed. 

“What can’t you do?” He asked, his voice calm. You opened your eyes and he was so close to you, so close you would hardly need to move to kiss him again. 

God, kissing him… 

“I can’t…” you crossed your arms over your chest to keep yourself from touching him. Your voice caught on your throat. “I can’t…” 

“Baby,” he reached for you again but you pulled back and, suddenly, the driving, throbbing want shifted to something else entirely. 

Why did he think he could just do this? Why did he think he could just touch you? Have you? Whenever he wanted? 

“I can’t be the vessel that you use to work your shit out with, Joel!” You snapped. “I can’t do it, I can’t let you keep doing that to me it hurts too goddamn much and…” 

“That’s not what this Is,” he said softly. “That’s not…” 

“You and I both know that’s what this is,” tears stung at your eyes. “And I understand that you’re going through a lot, that you miss Tess, that you’re hurting because of…” 

“No,” he shook his head. “No that’s not…” 

“Yes, it is!” You said. “This is what we do, you and me. I fawn over you like some stupid little girl and you use me for whatever it is that you feel like you need and you throw me away when you’re done with me and I can’t fucking do that again, Joel, I can’t do it!” 

“It’s never been…” 

“When hasn’t it been that way?” You demanded. “When? The first time you fucked me after I practically threw myself at you like an idiot and then you ignored me for weeks? Was it when you broke up with me over the phone because I wasn’t worth the trouble anymore? How about when you blamed me for the worst thing that ever happened to you and told me you wished you never met me? 

“Every time, every fucking time you want me I give in to you and then you put me down and I just sit there, like some broken toy, waiting for you to come back and I can’t do that anymore!”  

There was a crack of thunder and the lightning was bright enough that you could see the pain on Joel’s face. His eyes were searching your own, desperate and sad. 

“You think that’s all you are to me?” He asked quietly. “That you’re something that I use and throw away?” 

You held his gaze and squared your jaw. He stepped closer, so close that your bodies were touching. 

“I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known you existed…” he said. You shook your head and bit your lip and tried to keep yourself from crying. “I never wanted to leave you but I was watching you give up things that you should have had, that you were good enough and smart enough to have. I was seeing you give up shit that you deserved because of me and I couldn’t let you put yourself on hold for me! I couldn’t be the thing that fucked your life up, I loved you too fucking much to be the thing that fucked your life up…” 

“I watched you be with someone else for 15 years, Joel!” You choked it out. “You…” 

“I was scared!” He said, all but yelling it. “I was fucking terrified!” 

“Terrified of what!” 

“Of not being able to survive if I lost you!” He was panting for breath. The thunder rolled and a fat raindrop landed on your forehead. He took a deep, shaky breath. “I couldn’t… What happened today, with Henry… The only reason I’m alive today is because of you.” 

“What?” You breathed, your eyebrows knitting together. 

“No one tried to shoot me,” he said. His voice trembled. “The scar… I’m the one who missed. It was the day after the outbreak and Sarah… We’d passed so many bodies, it didn’t seem like you could have survived and it felt… it felt like you were gone. Without her, without you it just… There wasn’t a point to any of it…” 

“Joel,” you reached for him, your hand touching his face, your fingers finding the scar at his temple. He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into your touch.

“When I tried,” he said. “When… when I pulled the trigger, I heard your voice in my head. What you said to me when… when I left you. It was like you were right fucking next to me and it… I flinched. Because some part of me knew you were out there somewhere. That life could be worth it again someday if I could just fucking get to you.

“But being with you again…” He closed his eyes. Rain was falling harder, faster. “Fuck, Baby, it was all I wanted but I was scared, I was so scared all the fucking time. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t… I knew that if something happened to you that I wouldn’t survive it and I couldn’t live with it. I couldn’t do it, that’s why I left, why I pushed you away. I was too weak, I was too… I was too afraid to love anything the way I loved you. The way I still love you. I tried to stop it, I tried to push you far enough away that I’d survive it but I can’t, I can’t stop… Loving you feels like all I know how to fucking do and I can’t try to keep myself from doing it anymore. I can’t keep doing it from afar, I can’t keep trying to keep you safe from arm’s length, I can’t live like this anymore. 

“I know I’ve hurt you,” he said quietly. “I know that I don’t deserve to ask you for a goddamn thing. But I… Please. Let me love you. Let me try to get it right this time.” 

The rain was falling and you could barely feel it, even though you knew it was soaking you. All you could feel was him, how close he was, how it was like he’d broken open all your defenses. 

“I can’t handle you leaving me again,” you managed. Your hand was still on his face. “I can’t…” 

“I won’t,” he breathed. “I know you have no reason to trust me but I will never leave you, never. I can’t…” 

You kissed him. You couldn’t help it anymore, not when he was this close to you, not when he was offering you the only thing it felt like you’d ever really wanted. 

His hands went to your face, twisting in your hair, cupping the arch of your neck, pulling you closer against him as the heavens opened and sheets of rain poured down. 

He pulled back from you ever so slightly.

“We should go inside,” he said, your body cradled against his. You only nodded. 

You barely made it in the door and Joel was tugging at the buttons of your shirt, fumbling with them until he was sliding the wet fabric down your arms and onto the floor, his mouth on your own. You pulled at his back, trying to not pop the buttons while getting to his skin as quickly as you could, eventually shoving the sleeves down his arms and exposing the smooth, tan skin of his chest, the softness of his stomach. 

“Fuck you’re beautiful,” he breathed, his lips trailing down your jaw to your throat, his big, warm hands splaying over back, pulling you tightly against him. 

“I’ve missed you,” you breathed, your fingers tangling in his lush hair, pressing your lips into his chest. “I’ve missed you so much…” 

His mouth traveled back to yours, his tongue slipping into you. You were breathing the same air as him, he was everywhere around you, the only thing you could feel, the only thing that you wanted to feel. 

“Need you,” he groaned against your lips as he unclasped your bra. “Need to feel you, need to be inside you…” 

“Joel,” you ran your hands over his back, his bared skin, feeling him, feeling like coming back home after years away. His hands slipped around to your jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them before hiking your leg over his hip. His hard length was pressed against your center and it was like a shock ran through you, a hunger inside you that you hadn’t felt since he last touched you. 

Everything else paled in comparison, the overwhelming need clawing and ripping to get to him, to make him a part of you and you a part of him. You wanted him more than you wanted anything else, wanted him more than food or water or air. 

He moved you to the couch and lowered you onto it, dropping on his knees in front of you. He pulled himself away from you enough to slide your pants and underwear down your body, casting them aside before he ran his hands up the inside of your bare thighs as you panted for breath. 

It was exposing, the intimacy of him looking at you, his eyes roving over your naked body, lingering on your wet slit. You fought the urge to squirm, to shift and hide. He reverently slid his hands along your thighs, meeting at the apex of your legs. He gently, softly ran his thumbs over you until they met at your clit making you whimper. 

“Fucking beautiful,” he slipped a thumb between your lower lips, slipping closer to your entrance. “Most beautiful fucking thing I’ve ever seen…” 

He left one hand against you as the other one slipped around to your lower back and tugged you closer, sliding your body to the edge of the couch, pressing his lips against yours again. 

His kiss was harsh, starving, like he was going to devour you. As though he hadn’t already consumed you, swallowed everything you were. 

He slipped his thumb up to your clit and pressed one finger into you, opening you for him so slowly it was almost painful. You moaned into his mouth and his finger hooked up into your inner wall into the spot that made you melt, the place inside you that felt like belonged to him and him alone. 

“Need you,” you were panting, your body tightening around him.

“I know Baby,” he said softly, sinking another finger inside you. “Need to make you cum first…” 

His thumb worked your clit, his fingers stretching you open, his other hand making you arch into his body, his tongue plundering your mouth. You were full of him, surrounded by him and you couldn’t get enough of him. Your whole body was tensing around him, tightening like a spring until you came and he swallowed your gasping moan. 

The second you felt like you were in control of your body again, you reached for his pants, desperate to get him naked. You needed more of him, you had to feel more of him. He helped you, sliding his jeans and underwear down and off. You separated from him enough to look at him again. 

It had been so long it was like seeing him for the first time. If you had to pick a favorite color, you were torn if it would be the color of his eyes or the color of his skin, the rich, golden tan of him. He was softer now than he had been before but his chest and arms were still firm and strong and you wanted nothing more than to be held against his chest in his arms. And his cock… 

Joel had always been the best you’d ever had and the biggest. There were parts of you that no one but him had touched, his length thick and hard and dripping. Your body ached for it.

You swallowed, your heart thudding against your ribs as you looked up at him. He trailed his nose along your throat to your ear. 

“I won’t hurt you again,” he breathed. “Never going to leave you again…” 

He pulled you tightly against him and pulled you to the floor, laying you down in front of the fire on the blankets. Joel delicately ran his fingers over your tender sex, making you moan, collecting your wetness and covering himself in you before notching himself at your entrance. 

He settled himself between your legs, the weight of him pressing into your hips, your stomach, his arms caging you in, fingers in your hair. 

“I love you,” you breathed as he sank into you, his cock opening you up, your body taking him into you until he was fully inside you. His forehead dropped to yours as he panted for breath, giving you a moment to adjust to his size. 

“Fuck, I love you,” he managed, gasping and desperate. “Feels so good, so fucking good…” 

He kissed you again before moving in you. It was slow at first, aching and desperate. Like every ounce of pain, every moment of being without him was being worked out where your bodies were joined. He reached the end of you with every thrust, the head of him pressing against your back wall so hard there was a twinge of pain to it, pain you welcomed because it meant you were full of him. 

You worked your hips back up against his and he picked up the pace as he kissed down your jaw to your throat, your breasts, taking a nipple delicately in his mouth, brushing his teeth over the tender nub. 

“Joel,” you panted, your body tightening around him again, drawing in so much that it felt almost impossible for it to build any more. “Please…” 

He released your nipple and kissed you again, his tongue fucking into your mouth the same way he was your pussy. 

“Never letting you go,” his voice was frantic, desperate, his hips pressing hard and deep into you with almost bruising strength. “Never going to hurt you again, never… fuck, I love you, love you…” 

Thunder shook the house and you cried out as you came, your walls clamping around him. He thrust into you twice more before he plunged as deep into you as he could and came undone, spilling into you as you gripped him tight. 

He collapsed on top of you, still inside you, both of you panting for breath. Joel reverently ran a finger along your hairline before threading his hand into your hair, tilting your head to kiss you gently. 

“You’re staying,” you said it, didn’t ask it. You felt it this time.

“Never leaving,” he breathed. “Never leaving you again.”

A/N: OHMYGOD WE FINALLY GOT HERE JFC. Yes you can get attached, they're together now, this is sticking, you can feel safe with these two idiots in love. I hope this at least somewhat lived up to the hype and the build up and that you're feeling somewhat satisfied! If not, there will be a fair bit more smutty bits from here onwards because obvs.

I do have a taglist, please let me know if you want to be added by commenting below!

Thank you thank you THANK YOU for sticking with this story! I know it's been a while since the main couple has been together (like 20 chapters???) and that probably wasn't what you bargained for getting into a fic like this so I'm thrilled that you're here and invested and reading. I love you all, thank you for making this such a joy to share!

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[woso-dreamzzz]

i feel like alba taking bambi is a bit extreme. hear me out! like yes ofc caring for one kid more than the other is bad!! but with the whole ale forgetting bambi at daycare it’s like what parent hasn’t forgot to pick up their kid once. like does that make sense like i feel like especially because it happend only once and she was at her job when she forgot that shouldn’t warrant alba legit taking her daughter away from her? like it just wasnt THAT big of a deal like ofc it’s not good but i think alba is reacting a bit over the top about it. idk maybe my perspective is different, but what do you think? id love to hear your opinion as the writer

I don't think you guys understand just how much I love answering these kinds of asks. Also, sorry in advance because this is going to be a lot of psych ramble but genuinely parent-child relationships and their impacts are actually so fascinating to me

So, the whole Alexia forgetting Bambi thing would be a big escalation if that was the only reason Alba had for removing Bambi from her home. It looks like the only reason but there were a lot of other things that Alba would have noticed when she got Bambi from nursery.

So, first of all, what Alexia's been doing is emotional neglect. Compared to other forms of neglect, emotional neglect is one of the harder ones to recognise because it's not as obvious as something like physical neglect.

The signs are very subtle and it's difficult to notice if you're not a child's primary caregiver.

From Bambi's perspective, she's been shoved to the side a bit since Jaume was born. She was never really close to Olga so she can cope with that in a sense (not that she should have to) but Alexia's disregard for her definitely hits hard.

It's a lot of little things built up onto each other. In Injured IV, when Alexia comes home she immediately greets Olga and Jaume but doesn't even spare Bambi a look. Bambi stays under that coffee table for quite a while in the hope that Alexia will notice she's not there and look for her but she never does.

She also mentions when Jaume isn't 'being good' then she doesn't get things like a bedtime story or cuddles at bed which is essentially her equating Jaume crying with the fact that Alexia yet again forgetting about her and that his needs trump her own.

There's also the fact that all of Bambi's individual pictures have been changed to ones of her and Jaume which leads to her thinking that she's only worth anything if her brother is attached to it. Similarly, all of the pictures she drew have been taken off the fridge in favour of a photo of Olga, Alexia and Jaume. Even when she lets Alba put her drawing up in Injured IV, she places it on the side of the fridge where it won't be seen as clearly.

Bambi also learnt how to cry quietly. When Kids are younger they can't communicate their feelings properly and crying loudly gets the attention of a caregiver so they can receive comfort. Bambi's learnt to cry quietly because she knows that no one will come to give her comfort if Jaume is also crying even though there are two adults in the house, one for each of them.

Emotional neglect really builds on a child as young as Bambi and causes effects like low self-esteem, depression and anxiety and in more extreme cases failure to thrive and Bambi, sadly, is on track for all of them.

Now, that's all from Bambi's perspective and, of course, Alba can't know all of that because she's not Bambi's primary caregiver.

She can only go off on what she can see. What she knows for sure, at first, is that Alexia and Olga have both forgotten Bambi.

That isn't what makes her take Bambi though.

She gets a notification from the Barca account saying that they're meeting their youngest teammate and it's got a picture of Alexia, Olga and Jaume so it's not like both of them were super busy and that's why they forgot Bambi.

There's also the change in routine that Bambi mentions. She used to get a new train every week and when Alba mentions that, she finds out that Bambi hasn't received a new train in weeks (more like months) which is a massive deviation from an established routine.

There's also the celebration they watch on tv with Alexia winning the Copa de la Reina and all those pictures of her with Jaume and the cup and there's no hint at all that she realises Bambi isn't there with her.

There's obviously Bambi's reaction to that too and her tearing up the picture because she doesn't think it's real (bearing in mind that it's a picture of her, Alexia, Olga and Jaume as a family).

It's clear to Alba that something is going on and Bambi isn't doing well because she's been in such a sad mood since she picked her up and then Bambi hides herself away in her room and Alba can't get the door open.

It's a pretty big emotional outburst from Bambi and quite out of character to how she had been previously.

Honestly, everything is out of character from what Alba previously knows - both Alexia and Bambi and it's enough for her to think that perhaps the two need to be separated.

The anger from Injured IV comes in because it's been hours since the final ended and Bambi hid herself away compared to when Alexia, Olga and Jaume come home.

Throughout that entire time, Bambi wasn't even a thought. Alexia didn't even realise Bambi had been left at nursery until she got home which is hours after Alba had to cancel her own plans to get Bambi.

The anger probably escalated the situation a bit more than it needed to but Alba had hours to stew and piece everything together so Bambi's removal from Alexia was warranted once she'd put it all together.

That's all from Inured IV, not onto Injured V:

So childhood emotional neglect is especially impactful the younger a child is. Bambi is around 4 and she's at that age where she's beginning to understand her own and others emotions. Having a stable caregiver to help her work through this is crucial and she doesn't have that so there's a big chance that she'll be developmentally delayed because of it.

This, of course, could lead to big impacts down the road when she goes to school and makes friends and even when she gets older and develops adult relationships.

She's already got low self-worth and is trying to be too independent at too young an age because to her, nobody wants to pay attention to her.

In Injured V, she actually flinches away from Alexia when she tries to grab her because she's now used to being ignored by her mother and having Alexia suddenly wanting her is overwhelming and strange.

It's seen in Injured V how different Bambi is in Alexia's home vs Alba's home when she's genuinely excited to show Alba the picture she made because she's still in her developmental stage and is still able to adapt and come back from this - at least in a way that will have minimal impact on her emotional development and regulation.

Of course, we also find out that Bambi at least suspects that she wasn't as planned as previously thought. She knows Jaume was definitely planned but she's slowly finding out that she wasn't so that's another hit to her confidence. She equates how Jaume is being treated to him being wanted and how she's being treated to her not being wanted.

When Eli comes and all of this comes out, it's clear that this is deep rooted stuff.

As I said previously, emotional neglect is one of the forms of neglects that's hardest to notice. Alba has no way of knowing just how long this has been going on for and just how close this is to having extremely detrimental effects to Bambi's emotional development.

The low self-esteem is already there. She's nervous at the thought of seeing Alexia, Olga and Jaume so there's some anxiety setting in too. For all Alba knows, the depression could be next and if she had left Bambi there, the potential of failure to thrive is quite high too.

So, honestly, Alba removing Bambi was probably the best way to do it. With Bambi with Alba, she would know how she was doing and even if she had left Bambi there and explained what was happening to Alexia, there was always a chance that it could regress back to the neglect again even if Alexia promised to work on it.

Honestly, the standard practice for suspected emotional neglect should be to report it to child services so Alba is actually doing Alexia a favour by not getting them involved.

But, yeah, this is really long but those are essentially the thought processes of everyone 🤷‍♀️